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chaoticgremlinbrainspace · 1 year

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why I think dick greyson having ADHD would be neat

adhd is a complex disorder that has a multitude of symptoms that present differently in each person, along with there being 3 types there's also commorbidies that can add onto and or obscure the adhd or the other disorder itself, and with this information I think it would be neat to apply this to dick Greyson in a way that stays as in character as a person who barely remembers canon can do. also I think his adhd would change as it often does to be more subtle as an adult (adult adhd) vs his adhd in childhood and teen years. Hyperactivity: hyperactivity isn't just physical it can also be mental too, racing thoughts and all that, some people say their thoughts run slow instead of fast. I think as a kid dick was probably pretty physically active(and still is lmao) which is one of the recommendations for helping with adhd symptoms, exercise. this would fit bc this dude is an acrobat, so he has an outlet for excessive energy right there. that and ive noted that a lot of people have dick constantly moving. there's also the thing of excessive physical movement, so the whole dick likes to do ten thousand backflips on patrol could link back to that lol.this could also go into stimming, leg bounces, finger/foot tapping, pacing, rubbing things like shirts in repetitive motions etc. this could also go with his inherent chattiness, as this is also a symptom of adhd. along with an inability to be quiet and speaking not when its appropriate or out of turn, blurting things out too, I will say a lot of theses types of symptoms can be explained as “batman training helps mask this shit so hard by like either giving a routine to follow/massive Anxiety that forces him not too on the job”. he would probably Experience a lot of edginess and restlessness in adulthood especially as the hyperactivity can often morph into an underlying sorta energy, maybe it runs under the skin like something alive that wants out, who knows. there's also the lack of a sense of danger and risk taking, and having little to no regaurd for personal safety pr the safety of others. I think this could fit, like what's more risk taking than being a superhero? and the lack of safety for others is another “batman training” moment because you bet your ass other people’s safety was drilled into child dick. and while im not sure bc I know canon about as well as I know what's under the couch, but I think you could work the lack of personal safety in pretty well, as from what ive seen this dude is prone to taking hits for other people(not like one hundred percent confident my memory is dog shit💀) and his whole life style could be in part to the risk taking, not all of it because I also know he wants to help people but it started out as wanting to murder kill a guy, lol. anyway my guy is out here swinging around the city heights with a grappling hook and years of acrobatting. there is another symptom of acting without thinking, and I think this one could be explained in a child--->adult sense. as a kid he was more prone too it, but like I said and probably will keep saying batman training and tbh I think the impulsivity that he would keep a clamp on during his nightjob would probably be more in his day time ventures, not to say I dont think dick wouldn't ever act impulsively as rightwing in fact it probably does happen, here's where I think a thick cocktail of Anxiety caused by adhd and batman training out tag team and have him wildly compensate for that shit. that and I think it would be interesting if rightwing acted a bit impulsive from time to time and had to plan around that on the fly, god knows iv’e had too. there's also extreme impatience, which again bad memory strikes again and I personally have little knowledge on this dudes patience, it might have to be another thing hes just gotten better at with age(like having strategies to help with shit) INATTENTIVE: having a short attention span, or being easily distracted, being unable to stick to tedious or boring tasks, seeming forgetful, losing things, constantly changing the task, being unable to listen and carry out instructions, making careless mistakes, having difficulty organizing and prioritizing tasks, all fall under the “batman training/Anxiety is a bitch” category where I am pretty confident that dick is shown to be able to do a lot of these things, well I bring you combination of “he has a system for this shit” and “hyperfixation”, I think he could definitely still be an outstanding leader with adhd, he would just need a shit more discipline to run it well, because he would have to work around these symptoms in particular which you can its just tiring. and as such I think he would exhibit these symptoms more in his day time life, I just think it would help make for a greater contrast between dick Greyson and nightwing which would help him with his identity security, after all who would suspect dick Greyson is nighwing if nightwing seems so much more on top of the ball than dick? he would have to be super organized for that though which he could pull off with a lot of effort. there's also continually starting new tasks before finishing others, which I feel like, crime is never really over?? so its more like one big task with little task bits with more task bits. honestly nightwing with adhd seeming super on top of things in comparison to dick would be funny to me sorta like an adhd power fantasy gbdfhsnkj. anyway. OTHER SHIT PEOPLE DONT REALLY TALK ABOUT BUT SUCKS ASS ANYWAY: emotional deregulation!!! wooo!!! impaired ability to regulate emotions and responses to situations which can cause them to be extreme and ill fitting of the situation, like getting really fucking angry! getting fucking despondent! Absolute heart break over something that in hindsight wasn't as bad as you thought fuck man it still sucks! I think this would be another it was way worse in childhood thing for dick, like anger issues and shit, especially as a teen when not only are hormones fucking you up so is the fall out with batman lmao. the dysregulation really fucks with like, what someone can take im saying dick Greyson with adhd could be a more sensitive person. which again I think would be neat bc as he grows up he would have to find work arounds and shit, that or the only shit that really hits is from friends and family, he doesn't give a flying fuck other wise. this is were I bring up RSD the fucking asshole of adhd related shit. Rejecton sensitive dysphoria where upon perceived failure or rejection there's severe emotional damage, it can even feel physical, like a stab through the chest. I think this shit would definitely feed into a positive feed back loop of being angry and hurt at people, and probably sucked extra shit when he fought with bruce (my timeline is a bit fucked ok?) and a lot of times to cope with this people fall under being a people pleaser, or just giving up on people entirely, maybe a combo of the two. there's also mood swings and inability to Control frustration and anger. I feel like this shit would be really hard during teenage years due to events for dick lol. ALSO if he has gone undiagnosed through adulthood he would probably also be suffering from shit like depression, low self esteem, and frustration and irritation. once again additude to the rescue with a handy little bit about untreated adult adhd, “Adults who have ADHD but do not know it are at much higher risk than the general population for serious problems. Mood disorders, extreme sadness, and anxiety often occur when ADHD goes undiagnosed. Even if these conditions are are treated, the underlying problem, if left untreated, leads to other problems.” undiagnosed adhd is serious especially if you dont get help, you can just end up feeling like a piece of shit who can do anything. that being said I don’t know if dick would ever end up diagnosed with adhd as a kid? adhd is easy to misdiagnose as it has a lot of overlapping symptoms with other disorders, and is highly compatible with serval. I honestly dont have the tightest grasp on Alfred and Bruces characters to know if they would even think of ever getting dick checked for that, I dont mean to assume or anything but they dont really seem like the types to think of mental disorders, I personally feel like it would be a bit of a “oh hes just like that” and a “they dont know what they dont know situation” but a case could be made for dick getting a diagnosis at a younger age, because Batman to my understanding is very open to possibilities. he also just doesn't really strike me as the kind guy who would realize anything is weird about his kid unless it was pointed out? bc tbh I feel like dick would be on that gifted kid grindset which makes it even harder to pick up on the adhd bc your “too smart” to have it which is bullshit by the way. adhd and intelligence are not connected, you an be the smartest kid ever and you would still have adhd. tbh all this shit is working towards the “dick is a workaholic” thing because its a lot of work, and hyper focus would in fact enable this greatly as he would be able go for hours on end with out stopping. that and all the compensation hes doing lol. here's a list of symptoms I got off of additudemag.com because I know ive missed some. Short attention span, especially for non-preferred tasks Hyperactivity, which may be physical, verbal, and/or emotional Impulsivity, which may manifest as recklessness Fidgeting or restlessness Disorganization and difficulty prioritizing tasks Poor time management and time blindness Frequent mood swings and emotional dysregulation Forgetfulness and poor working memory Trouble multitasking and executive dysfunctionInability to control anger or frustration Trouble completing tasks and frequent procrastination Distractibillity Difficulty awaiting turn MASKING: I 100% believe this guy would mask like hell especially as nightwing, make that masking literal! Probably through a potent mixture of Anxiety, batman training tm, mirroring other people, suppressing stims and impulsivity, stuff like that, and I think the night time masking would make his day time attempts at masking sloppy, because that shit is draining and it would also be really convenient if he had an easy way to distance himself from his nightwing persona. he probably did this as a kid and it got worse(sorry im a sucker for angst but also he probably did to fit in more at school and stuff) HERES A GOOD ARTICALE ON COMORBIDIES AND ADHD BY ADDITUIDE ONCE AGAIN: https://www.additudemag.com/when-its-not-just-adhd/ I fully believe dick Greyson would get hit with the multi mental disorders, not only from shit hes seen superheroing but bc adhd and people with adhd are more likely to have depression and Anxiety(partly because of Social pressures and some in part to comorbidity) CONCLUSION BECAUSE ITS GETTING LATE AND IM RUNNING OUT OF STEAM ON THIS LONG ASS POST: I think dick Greyson with adhd would be neat as it could open more avenues to explore with his character, and I like the head canon anyway. DISCLAIMER I AM NOT A QUALIFIED PRACTICER THIS IS ALL INFORMATION I HAVE GOTTEN FROM MY DOCTOR AND ONLINE RESOURCES SUCH AS https://www.additudemag.com/ . THAT AND I DO NOT PERSONALLY KNOW DICK GREYSON AND ALL HIS ITERATIONS FROM THE LONG ASS COMIC BOOK RUN, I JUST THINK HE IS NEAT AND I WILL BE TAKING A LOT OF THIS STUFF FROM THINGS I’VE ABSORBED FROM HERE, OR MY MEMORIES OF YOUNG JUSTICE THIS IS NOT THE END ALL BE ALL I AM JUST ONE PERSON WHO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER WHO CAN CHANGE AND GROW OVER TIME, IF SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT SORRY LOL IM ALSO JUST DOING THIS FOR FUN

#dick grayson #nightwing #there are so many typos #I do not care #adhd #long post #text post #grem screams #talking about a head canon I think is neat #this is very self indulgent #if you do not agree #that is fine lol its for my enjoyment and I wish you a good day #if you do agree or find some parts cool #im glad my rambles are giving you something #gsjnofkamd;#I had a stressful day this is my destressing post #I am very normal about adhd and dick Greyson guys I swear

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glitzybunny · 2 years

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Welcome!

[Pinned tumblr post of info I’ll add things and edit it over time cause yes]

[About]

Hi I’m GlitzyBunny! Shorten it any which way you want haha!

(Commonly Glitzy or Bunny)

Pronouns: Any (They/He/She)

Please don’t repost my content I will sob on you

(reblogging is fine obviously, keeps my blog alive lmao)

- read more for more tags/info/links -

[Main Tags]

All Art: #my art (all my art! hopefully) | #original character (tho im sure i am sure mistagged some stuff)

DT AU: #Etarune (A WIP that I will one day complete maybe, especially when all chapters are released)

Other: #My Asks | #Beloved Mutuals | #Mutuals art (Check em out!)

#Goober Club (THE GOOBERS!!!) | #Irl friendlies (my irl art bffs) | #Magma wife (I love my wife HEHEHEH)

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[Other Info]

I tend to draw whatever worms it’s way into my brain but atm top hits are:

Omori stuff, Deltarune, Cult of the Lamb, FnafSB (specifically in the DCA fandom pff), My Artist Persona, My Oc’s and MORE!

Currently studying in University to hopefully join the game design and/or art industry!

Don’t be afraid to ask me anything! :D

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[Links]

This Carrd link below has all my socials and stuff! (Including a ko-fi button that ya’ll can use for commissions etc. <3)

https://glitzybunny.carrd.co

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#pinned post #info post #glitzybunny #I wanted to keep the mutual appreciation area but it was kind of a lot and Im worried its gonna tag people everytime I edit it JHBDJHKBFJKH #pinned

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hiddenjam · 1 year

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Some help for my mom - UPDATED

Hello friends, you probably don’t know who I am since I haven’t been active here from years, and I rarely post anything, some of you even messaged me wondering if I was still alive, I'm so sorry if I ever worried anyone, I'm alive! I just don’t have time and motivation to be active these days, thanks a lot for you lovely persons who dmed me tho ♡ this and other reasons are why I regret letting my depression drown me for too long, because I’m feeling so tired right now, so lonely, but I’m also feeling desperate and helpless because I need your help. So my mom has been very sick from some time ago, but just recently, she got diagnosed with a brain tumor, and she needs a surgery urgently, like doctors gave her 2 months if we do nothing, and 1 has already passed, but the cost its high and I don't have enough money to help her.

I know I said before I was going to do commissions, but my time has been shortened since I also work long hours and taking care of my mom at the same time its really tiresome, physically and mentally, not that I complain in helping her tho. So maybe this year, hopefully I’ll make some progress with that. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm not very good with words, back at the matter…

I’m feeling REALLY ashamed to be asking for help, but like I said Im feeling desperate to help my mom, I only live with her and I need her just like she needs me right now, she’s suffering a lot, and the feeling of helpless its horrible because I can’t help her like she needs to.

So please, please, consider donate to make her surgery, she doesn’t have much time left, even if its a small donation, every cent no matter the amount its important to us, and it will help to do it as soon as possible.

And if you can’t donate but still wants to help, then share this link to reach to others, really, anything right now its important to me, thank you for reading, and thanks a lot for your help.

Tbh I still don’t know everything about this tumor, but I shared more info and details in the fundraiser link, and even if you need a commission (I mean a drawing for a donation) you can dm me, I've never done a commission before, but I will try my best to do it, really by this point I’d do anything to help my mom.

Thanks a lot and take care ♡ ♡ ♡ This is the donation page: https://gofund.me/347d39a2

EDIT: My mom survived the surgery with the help of everyone!! Thanks a LOT for all donations & shares! by changing the doctor we managed to give her a second chance in life 🥺 Also the tumor turned out to be benign!

Her doctor talked about her case on facebook !

SO GLAD we found him, the first doctor was charging us 22k while this doc charged us 10k (I put 3k from my saves) and it turned out all good! its amazing the improvement that my mom has shown ever since the 1st day of the surgery. And she's smiling 🥺❤️

Right now the only problem is the radiosurgery, and its another expense 😭 I dont know when this gonna end, but docs say hopefully is the last time, the probability is never 0 but she will need to be checked from time to time. In the meantime I will share the fundraiser for the radiosurgery, yeah I know, its shameless, but I really hope not to be in this position ever again after this. This time, Im no afraid of the outcome, I'm hopeful but need to be patient.

Once again, please, I need your help, I dont know If I should do another post about it, but for the moment I will just add it here in the ogpost: https://gofund.me/da136114

Once again thanks for your consideration <3

#personal #fundraising #Sorry to post this personal info here #Im just... I dont know what to do anymore #Im sorry to bother #not art related #Brain Tumor

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uglycowplant · 11 months

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sims tag

tagged by: stole from the dash lol

1. What’s your favourite sims death? cowplant for sure! i also love the vending machine one lol

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? maxis mix! i use only maxis match hairs but i sort of mix alpha clothes,,, but not like suuuuper alpha clothes??? yknow,,, lol

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no. why would i

4. Do you use move objects? all the fucking time. i cant not use it

5. Favorite mod? i love custom recipes! and also mccc, ui cheats, and more cas columns. cant play without em. i also used to play with some slice of life and wonderful whims features, but stopped after the infant update... idk if ill get back to them anytime soon tho

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? i got city living, vampires, and cool kitchen at the same time! i actually wanted outdoor retreat but i was 12 and mt dad bought them for me and somehow i mixed the links lmao (we used the sims website to buy them)... i still to this day dont own outdoor retreat and idk if ill get it anytime soon

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? like living!

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? probably bree wisteria. i think a lot about how i didn't end up using them as the heir...

9. Have you made a simself? yes! i have a whole post of dressing my and my friends simselves in different universes!

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? bookworm, clumsy, and socially awkward. i dont own highschool years so i actually used loner instead tho

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? the new browns!

12. Favorite EA hair? i love the cottage living ones! except agnes' one. it has a weird texture

13. Favorite life stage? children! idk why, i just like playing with them and decorating their rooms

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? definitely a player. i actually am renovating the entire game rn for when im done with my current legacy so ill have a cool looking save to play not so berry in, and im enjoying building a lot more than i anticipated!

15. Are you a CC creator? not at all. i cant even make recolors

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? nope. but id love to get to know ppl on here more!!

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) only ever played the sims 4 (and a little of my cousin's sims 3 when i was 7 but i dont remember much) so i cant really say lol

18. Do you have any sims merch? nope. i do want a cowplant sculpture tho. something resembling a funko pop. if they'd ever make a collab with funko id get them!!

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? nope. i do watch a lot of sims youtubers tho

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i used to make sims from shows and play as them with aging off (i actually have an entire arrowverse save that im considering making into a full on dc save). now im more of a legacy player, especially with challenges and stuff

21. What’s your Origin ID? romychet. follow me! i upload all the renovations im making lol

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? i dont have a fav atm but it used to be @miikocc and @casteru for a loooong time!

23. How long have you had a simblr? like a year and a half maybe? idk

24. How do you edit your pictures? literally just add a psd as a filter and thats it lol

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? honestly all we got lately (book nook kit, green house kit, growing together) are all what i really wanted... i dont own any of them yet (i do however have the greenhouse kit as cc) so i don't have anything im that interested in! maybe a more in depth elder pack? tho i barley play with them atm

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? cottage living! it's soooo cozy and cute and i love it for my family gameplay! and speaking of family gameplay, i think that once ill buy growing together itll become my fav! i also looooove parenthood!

#sims 4 tag game #tag game #ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4

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hermit-god-au-pog · 1 year

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Welcome to the blog and the AU!

As a little intro before the actual intro story to this au, since this will be pinned, A few things to mention!

I'll occasionally edit this post to update the master list/add links or info. And keep in mind, these are all the characters, nothing here is really related to the CCs themselves.

But a small very quick rundown. This will take place around the beginning of season 9, still in their starter-base era. This au is purely fiction and probably not that accurate to any true storyline hermits had haha.

If anyone has any questions, comments, etc my asks and dm’s are open! Do I know where im going with this au? No not really, it's really an ‘As I Go’ kind of thing.

And if you were here since the start/when I had a bunch of other stuff going on, a lot of that info is deleted for now and will be worked back into the story later on. This blog will be a mix of stories and art, cause I like to do both.

One more thing, I will have the characters of SweetestHoneybee, Mjlor, and DoctorSiren in this au! As well as DoctorSiren's Jumbro's headcanon(which is basically Jimmy and Mumbo are brothers). If any of them have become uncomfortable with this overtime ill respect any boundaries they have <3

But enough intro from me, enjoy this little story and hope you enjoy the blog 07

Once upon a time, Deities ruled separately. Each having their own realm or home to their lonesome or to just them and their worshipers. Back in these days, it was a lonely time to be called a diety.

But in a late Beta build, a Diety has come to be. At first, their purpose was unknown to them, wandering around and making friends with others, heck even joining a realm under a fake persona to try and find their purpose. And was this the best choice they made.

This person? They went by the name Xisuma, their chosen name for non-diety purposes. And in this server, Xisuma found around 5 other deities, all doing a similar thing to him, hiding their identities to find out who they want to be, or be someone different from who they thought they were. This was also the year the Watchers mysteriously appeared, the Listeners not too far being either. These strange beings claim to be alive since the beginning of time but never announced themself till now. And whether you were to believe it or not, their powers rivaled deities. Hell, they even took down a few corrupt deities and harnessed their powers for themselves, or so it seemed.

But looking back at Xisuma and his newfound friends, it seemed their ‘season’ was coming to an end. And not wanting this new wonderful experience to end, and maybe a bit of a deeper feeling in his gut telling him not to let go of this server just yet, he offered to keep the world going. Offered to take responsibility and keep it up to date and watch over it. And after a few meetings and long nights, the decision was made.

The world was reset sometime later. Some left, and a lot more joined. The number of secret deities bumped up to 11. A few had heard about this place on their own, and a few heard it from another deity or friend within the group.

And seeing this new growth, Xisuma decided to start a secret club of sorts for them all. It was sweet and harmless, mostly. Just, them able to talk and express themselves in godly ways they couldn't ever do before with anyone else. It was really helpful to a lot of them, if not all of them.

Everything went as smoothly as it could go that season, and heck, next season all but 13 in this season were now deities. It was looking up for this little community of deities forming here.

Around a fourth through the season, Xisuma announced an idea to the other deities. They were in the majority here, and they all trusted their fellow members, so why not reveal their secrets? The question had to be sat on for a while for some people.

But, in the end, later into the server, a few non-deity players had already left, and this group of all-powerful being gathered everyone else. 11 were left to tell their secret too.

And thank the gods, they all took it well. One was a bit, overwhelmed, and had already planned of leaving soon. They promised to keep their secret and keep all of them in a good place in their heart but did leave the server a few days later.

For the rest, they were all rightfully surprised, but what was also shocking was there were a few immortal or semi-immortal beings alongside them as well, three specifically purely immortal.

Next season, it seems a lot more deities were catching onto this new, ‘hangout’ spot that's been created. Heck, a lot of them had smaller meetings with other deities and they just did their jobs together instead of alone. As the season went on, more of the mortal members left. All on good terms, not being pushed out in any way, but they all had their reasons.

By season 5 however, it seemed all mortals had left, and it was time for a new set of rules, a new order. Hermitcraft was now no longer an ordinary server, it has gotten stricter locks and codes, and its vaults and data were harder to breach. This server? Was now a home of deities. Of course, on the outside, no one knew that, they just assume they'd gotten more strict on joining for whatever reason. But on the inside, everyone was immortal in some way, everyone trusted one another, and they were here to help one another. No longer were they alone and fending for themselves, they all now had a place to truly call home.

And whether they decided to stay or go, whether new deities or immortals were added later on, once a hermit, Hermitcraft will always be your home to come back to. Overtime teams are formed to make everyone's lives a bit easier and to bring some “mortal” normal-ness back into hermitcraft.

With 3 teams, Ambassador’s and advertisers, and then teams of just Ambassador’s or just Advertisers; The hermits make a way to connect back with the mortal world besides just doing their jobs. Heck, most if not all hermits even start up some ‘vlogging’ of their builds, life, and shenanigans and start growing a fanbase that way. While not directly leaning into their deities' powers and gifts, for most it feels nice to have a fanbase like that again.

Now, are their darker secrets left unanswered and swept under the rug? Maybe they just haven't been seen yet? Of course there are! But deities can only do so much still, they can't be looking into every odd dark crack all the time. And with a server as protected as theirs, why should they have constant stress and paranoia over it? Everything’s gonna be fine, they travel worlds all the time. Even if there was danger, they can just lose it by going to another world.

Their deities, after all, nothing would be stupid enough to fuck with 20+ of them, right?

#introductory post #hermitcraft #this will be one of the few times I maintag probably #HCD #HermitCraftDeitys #hope you all enjoy this au o7 #idk how often ill post but #this blog finally has some foundation and a direction on where I'm goin

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thecoloroute · 8 months

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Art Deep Dive: Ines J.

Words cannot truly express how I feel about this artist! but i will try.

I discovered Ines J. on instagram where they go by the handle @a.creature (ive linked her direct instagram to this @ so it will not take you to a tumblr account of theirs, not sure if they have one but i will check and edit this after typing everything up if so!).

From what i've gathered, Ines is a very multifaceted artist that incorporates their work into a variety of mediums and trinkets. Im going to highlight some of the recent works of theirs that I'm absolutely obsessed with. to be honest, they're all fantastic though so i would definitely recommend checking their page out and getting lost in a surrealist paradise of wonky doodles.

my thoughts on the pieces are going to be in bullet form so bear with me.

bodies, demons, faces, morphed creatures, morphed selves

stickers, commercial, industrialized, contrasting organic lines

organic shapes resembling body parts, intestines

bright color unnatural to regular body tones, for emphasis? (or personal taste which is what id do for color choice)

the beautiful inclusions of black imagery, woman on top left is my favorite she looks so haunted and her hair reminds me of myself on a rough morning

"on & on" speaks to works theme of chaos and continuing on despite it, like me during those said mornings

unraveling in a sense

god! beautiful color choices just IMMACULATE

THE FACE ON THE LEFT? THE CONTRAST OF THE BLUE WITH THE ORange??? Ines!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great job

different features, organic material

text adds to juxtaposition of natural vs. unnatural which is a common theme

Wednesdays do feel yellow. sometimes being human is about being alive to hear/see observations like this

i am guilty of throwing checker patterns in lots of spots on my art, love the teal checker pantsuit here it fuels my soul

red, anger, angst, sex, sexuality

large dominant figure is not happy, and contrasts to the abundance of color around, could signify a void or lack of emotion, creativity, maybe even happiness

this drawing reminds me of how it feels to scroll through instagram on a bad mental health day while it seems like everyone else is living their best lives while i occasionally rot

reminds me of something similar i said to the man i currently am infatuated with, minus the airplane part

"oh what can you do!" this is how i feel about him lol. the black and lime green image of the two people also reminds me of him

i wonder if this piece is based on a lover... probably

tears, unfinished boxes, distance that is most likely unwanted, lack of memory

when those things fade we will do our best to capture things creatively like this in art as a shrine for the emotions we feel and have felt but ultimately have to let go of

drawings like this break my mf heart (cause they remind me of when i was mf heartbroken lol)

and ykno what yes to the green head on top right corner, everyone has their own interpretation but that makes me think ya love can actually make you lovesick and that is how id mentally draw myself with the green worm sliming out and all bc sometimes thats how it feels out here

more tears i see:(

one of my favorites that i've seen so far honestly?

this image reminds me of myself and im sure a lot of women feel the same

colorful blobs at the top, bubbles of experiences, memories that have passed, things that make you who you are, and the shapes get more specific and thought out in terms of painted construction as you near the woman (red star, blue circle, black teardrop, etc).

delicate nature of the wispy but sharp surroundings behind her, like a girly, cosmic barbed wire (luv it)

pink and overall colors mentioned before contrasts with the deep blue and black used to illustrate her, somber colors and face expression, head down

the vibrant red flower seems to be the focal point, most vivid spot in terms of color

to me symbolizes a feminine rage because it is so big, red and bright that it is something which naturally demands to be seen

her demeanor is the exact opposite, like a woman in society trying not to seem out of line even though she has every right to be upset

cultivating the flower, knowing when to let certain emotions bloom?

possibly being tired from not being able to let certain emotions bloom

okay thats all for tonight everybody. i know ive been saying that i'd do this for a while but adult life can get so hectic. Also i wanted to wait till i found someone i really enjoyed so i wouldnt get writers block halfway through this blog post. here's to ines j. for being a super dope artist!

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keefwho · 11 months

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May 27 - 2023

9:37 AM

Currently finding it difficult to focus on something. There are so many options and other things to think about. I feel upset that I don’t have more friends to turn to. I’m sad that Daisy is upset about her rats and debt. I wish I could do more for myself and others. I don’t even know what to say half the time. I’m still thinking about all the lost friendships I have and how I should be moving on. Also how I don’t want to keep adding to that pile. I don’t want to be alone, all because of how I am.

10:39 AM

I hate having to take care of myself before I can take care of others.

11:22 AM

I feel like the TOTK meme I’m making is stupid and a waste of time. I don’t even know if it makes much sense because I don’t have the full context of the story yet. Also the frame I used for ganon doesn’t make sense since it’s from the opening cutscene and I have Link responding to him with all the sage abilities already. Maybe I thinking too much into it but it’ll be stupid if it doesn’t add up. Also don’t know what to do for the background since inside the cave would definitely not make sense but that’s where I took ganon from. SO WHAT DO I DO

Maybe no background.

1:28 PM

Currently trying to distract myself from how much of a loser I feel like. I feel bitter at myself and everyone else. I wanted to socialize today but I am in no shape to do so properly. All else I know to do is to isolate.

I keep remembering that something is very wrong with me. I keep getting comfortable thinking I’m happy but I am horribly fucked up. I don’t even feel like I deserve friends. Like it’s irresponsible for me to near anyone lest I bring them down with me.

3:58 PM

It’s clear I’m not wanted but I don’t blame anyone.

I let everyone down

5:22 PM

All I’m looking forward to tonight is giga drinking. Either alone or with people that don’t want me there. WOooo

6:56 PM

lol im so fucking lonely

11:07 PM

FUCK the friendships of the past, if they let go then I will let go. At least with a couple of them I’ve tried to reach back out but they won’t reciprocate. Ultimately I don’t know who they are anymore, I am fond of who I knew them as, who they once were. They are all strangers now not worth my time. If hating them is what it takes then so be it. I want to move on from all the friendships that didn’t work out. If they were good things then they would still exist. There are good reasons each of them ended.

No matter what, no matter how bad I feel, tomorrow I have to keep myself occupied. I know the consequences if I don’t. I know how bad it is when I am allowed to fester in my thoughts. I have to keep myself present in whatever I am doing at all costs. I’m tired of continuing this stupid cycle of mine. I just want to be happy.

11:57 PM

Today was horrible, and still is. I basically didn’t do anything aside from play TOTK and finish a sketch. I hung out in VR for a little bit but I couldn’t get out of my own damn head. I’ve felt so excruciatingly alone because I fucking hate myself. I feel horrible that I feel this way, because it means I can’t have friends or be there for other people. I have to be selfish just to barely keep myself alive.

I know it was sort of a joke but on Henry’s stream he said how important it is to be able to recognize yourself in a mirror and honestly tonight, I did not recognize who I saw. It was alarming. It’s like I was looking at someone else. Someone without a purpose or identity. I’m so afraid I’ll be alone forever because I can’t come to terms with accepting who I am. Who could ever be expected to put up with me like this.

On top of that I’ve never felt like I’m someone’s priority. As much energy as I’ve put into others in my life, I don’t feel like it’s every been returned properly. I can’t tell if it actually hasn’t or if I have the inability to see it.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it is inevitable that I will lose the few friends I have and will never be able to make new ones. I feel like I will always be alone. And it’s all my fault. No matter how much I try to be a good person or cry about it, no one is there for me. I wish I could end it all. I don’t feel like I deserve to be on this earth. No one fucking wants me. I know it.

12:33 AM

I’ve been frantically sobbing for about half an hour. I can’t stop. Please let me die, it would be so easy. I don’t think I’d be missed

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findingjoynweirdstuff · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP Recap (June 2/2021) - Self-Care and Reconciliation

Fundy tries some speedy self-care to follow Quackity’s directions of “finding himself.”

Foolish finds out about the supreme fridge and isn’t pleased.

Antfrost seeks out Foolish, Bad and Puffy to find peace and make amends after what happened with the Egg.

---

VOD LINKS:

Philza

Tubbo

Fundy

Foolish

Eret

Captain Puffy

Antfrost

Michaelmcchill

---

- Phil works on the basement some more

- Tubbo works on his outpost

- Tubbo comes over to the Arctic and visits Phil in his basement to “spy” on him

- They go to Tubbo’s outpost and Tubbo asks if Phil would like to make a TNT canon with him. Phil sees Las Nevadas

- Tubbo’s a changed person since he tried to kill Phil’s friend, and now he and Phil are on good terms!

- Tubbo and Phil start attempting to wrangle a Ghast together for the outpost

- A few days ago, Quackity told Fundy that he could have a plot of land in Las Nevadas under certain circumstances, and Fundy has a choice to join the nation or not

- When he and Quackity spoke, Quackity said that this plot of land can be his if Fundy can find himself. Fundy needs to fix what’s broken

- Living in the middle of nowhere away from other people isn’t good, so today, Fundy wants to take care of himself and become a better person

- Fundy’s snow fox is outside, but Fundy decides to let him roam for the time being

- Fundy goes outside and creates a board with signs:

FUNDY’S PLAN TO BECOME BETTER MAN:

Healthy diet! fish, steak, vegetables, fruit, dary, grains

Take care of himself. be able to cut down tree fast

mine diamonds

be able to accept therapy say “im okay with therapy”

good friends, get 3 people to say im a friend

sleep

take care of pet :)

learn to count

- He sets up a timer to do these eight things, and once it starts, he immediately runs off to fix his diet

- Fundy fetches some cod from the sea and spots Tubbo’s outpost in the distance. Curious, he goes over -- if someone lives there, that can go towards his friend goal

- Seeing that Tubbo isn’t online, Fundy messages Phil instead. He asks if they are friends, and Phil just asks what he wants. After a lot more pressing, Phil says they are friends! Fundy is his grandson, after all

- Phil asks if Fundy is safe. Fundy is overjoyed that he cares about his safety, and counts that as two friends! Fundy says he should come by to play cards sometimes, and Phil likes the idea

- To himself, Fundy whispers: “You are a friend and you are appreciated and worth something. You are cool. You are special. You are loved.”

He counts this as the final friend, and has now completed one goal!

- He creates a small patch of dirt and plants wheat, then goes mining for diamonds

- Fundy chops some trees and returns to his house

- On his bed, he psyches himself up and musters up the courage to say something

Fundy: “I...accept...and am okay...with...”

(he struggles to say the last word)

Fundy: “I accept and am okay with...therapy. I accept and am okay with THERAPY!”

- He then goes outside and learns to count by killing zombies

- After that, he has to go find his pet snow fox. He asks a nearby Enderman where he is

- Fundy and the Enderman go searching together

- Fundy can’t find the fox. He keeps searching around the forest, until he comes back towards his house and finally finds the fox sleeping on a nearby hill

- With all his other goals done, there is only one remaining: sleep.

- He goes to his bed, hesitates...

...and sleeps.

(This is a set up for next stream)

- Foolish returns to his summer home from Las Nevadas and finds the WAR sign, confused. He then notices the disappearance of the supreme fridge

- He reads the war note left in the chest for Ponk and is outraged. That fridge was his gift! Of all the buildings that have been built here, the fridge was the one thing he allowed

- There will be consequences, but as Foolish will be gone for a bit, he can’t do anything now.

- Foolish begins to go through the stages of grief, mourning the fridge, before leaving a note:

---

You destroyed my fridge. It was my gift from Ponk. The one structure that was built for me on this server was destroyed. Once I go through the 5 stages of grief...I will then add on a bonus stage.......REVENGE

---

- He kills one of the L’Sandburg citizen llamas to send a message

- Foolish goes to the main area and visits Eret’s fortress, noticing the totem statue Eret made in mourning. He changes the sign to simply say “in honor of Foolish” instead

- While working on his pyramid some more at the summer home, Foolish notices Antfrost just over the hill. Ant comes over, seeking to apologize for killing Foolish

Foolish: Listen Ant. From the very start I blamed the egg. And I don’t believe the REAL Antfrost killed me. Nice to see some blue eyes as well

Ant: but we didn’t listen to your warnings, we had our chances and we betrayed you and our friends. I wouldn’t blame you if you killed me right here

- Foolish doesn’t. He tells Ant that he’s moving on.

- Ant asks if there’s any way to make it up to him, and Foolish says he could use some help gathering sand (Antfrost finds sand tasty, but Foolish doesn’t eat sand. It has too many calories)

- The two gather sand together

Foolish: I hold nothing against you

Ant: thank you

Foolish: Honestly I think the banquet has changed me for the better

Ant: how so

Foolish: It has given me new found strength. Basically from here on out...I’ll be less timid to take action

Ant: well at least something good came out of it

Foolish: So how about you Antfrost, what’s next for the old sly cat

Ant: I need to talk to Puffy and Bad and Sam and everyone I’ve wronged

- Ant asks if Foolish has seen Puffy anywhere, whether there’s something he can give her as a peace offering. She likes llamas

- Foolish thanks Ant for his help. Ant says if Foolish needs anything, to let him know. Foolish looks forward to happier times

- Puffy comes on later and finds the book Foolish left in the chest. She reads it, but she still thinks getting rid of the fridge was better for the aesthetic, and she had to get back at Ponk

- She writes another letter, this time to Foolish, titled “To my sharkyson”:

---

Dear Foolish!

It was not my intention to make you sad or angry! I didn’t know you cared so much for the fridge as well. it was kinda ugly and it stood out so much from the rest of the builds! But I assure you I’m not allied with Bad, my whole goal behind L’llamaburg was to keep an eye on Bad so he didn’t build any further on your land or cause you more problems.

Once Bad was gone I fully intended to disband l’llamaburg and tear it down!

Sorry for any sadness I may of caused.. you don’t need a fridge though to be reminded of how Supreme you are!

---

- Ant is at the animal sanctuary. Everything’s been destroyed, but at least Floof is still alive

- He saves Asshole the fish from suffocating out of the water and puts the fish back in the aquarium

- Ant goes looking for Bad. They need to talk

- They meet at the Community House. Bad hasn’t seen Ant in a while, he hasn’t been around. Bad asks if Ant is okay, and Ant doesn’t know. He died

- Ant asks what happened. Bad says things didn’t work out according to plan. Ant remembers Quackity coming in at the Banquet...

Ant: “Bad, what did we do? I killed Foolish...”

- Bad says stuff happens and he doesn’t think anyone would blame Ant

Ant: “Bad, I killed him! What do you mean you don’t think anyone blames -- Bad, we’re monsters! Do you know what we did?”

Bad: “W-well, I try not to think about it!”

Ant: “Well you can’t just ignore -- you can’t act like we didn’t do -- Bad, I killed Foolish, we were gonna kill E-- oh my god, Eret’s on the server too.”

- Bad thinks it’s fine, Foolish will recover and Puffy killed Ant but it was one for one. Ant remembers all the horrible things he said to Puffy before he killed Foolish and asks where Bad went afterwards

- Bad had no choice but to run. He couldn’t save Ant, they were outnumbered

Ant: “...Do you not feel bad about anything? Bad, we’re...we’re mon-- we did horrible things!”

Bad: “Well I mean, yeah, you did do some horrible stuff...”

Ant: “No, YOU! You did some horrible stuff! Who pushed Skeppy into lava, Bad? Who betrayed their friends? We betrayed Sam, Bad!”

Bad: “Okay, we did some horrible stuff -- hey, no! Okay, but -- there were good reasons at the time, or we felt like there was!”

Ant: “No! No no, Bad, we let the Egg control us! No! Did the Egg give you what it promised?”

Bad: “No, ‘cause...we never completed the plan...whatever it was. Ant, I can’t remember exactly...it’s not -- look, it’s -- I don’t know...”

- Ant asks if he’s talked to Sam and Puffy yet. Bad’s trying not to think about it, but Ant says they can’t ignore this. They’re friends, they should make amends

- Ant asks if Bad’s been back down there, but Bad’s steered clear. Ant is feeling normal again

Ant: “I...Bad, do you not...We’re fucked up! We did horrible things! Our friends tried to stop us, and we didn’t listen! We didn’t do anything!”

Bad: “There’s a lot of ‘we’ going on here...”

- Bad points out Ant didn’t really say anything. Ant accuses him of blaming him

Bad: “No, I’m just saying that...if the collar fits!”

- Ant says they both did horrible things, they dragged Hannah in, Punz too and Ponk. Bad hasn’t checked up on those three since. It doesn’t seem like Bad feels bad. Ant’s been gone because he felt ashamed

- If there’s anybody that they’ve hurt the most, it’s Sam. They were the Badlands

- Bad says they were brainwashed. He knows it’s not an excuse, that they should still own up to it even if they weren’t fully to blame

- They both killed one person each. Ant accuses Bad of putting the blame on him again and says that Bad killing Skeppy was worse because they’re platonic soulmates

- Ant wants an apology for letting him die and leaving him. Bad didn’t do anything, he just watched Ant die. Bad was caught off guard. On the other hand, maybe it was a good thing that Ant died, since otherwise they would’ve killed more people

- Ant says they should own up. Bad apologizes for letting Puffy kill Ant. He should have protected Ant, not just from Puffy but from the Egg too. Ant forgives Bad and says sorry for not protecting Bad from the Egg either

- Seeing as Puffy’s online, Ant suggests they go look for her. Bad says he’ll talk to Puffy later. Ant asks about Skeppy -- Bad talked to Skeppy right after what happened, but he hasn’t seen Skeppy since. They had a bit of a confrontation

- Ant wonders if Sam will forgive them. The Badlands wouldn’t be the same without him. He leaves Bad

- Puffy comes down the Prime Path and meets Antfrost face-to-face. The two have a bit of an awkward greeting

- Puffy reminds him of what happened. He doesn’t know how to apologize, but he says sorry. For saying awful things, for killing Foolish. He doesn’t expect her to forgive him, but he apologizes for what he did

- Puffy says it wasn’t right that she killed him, even though she was acting defensively, and she apologizes as well. Ant didn’t deserve to die either, he was blinded by the Egg. She holds Bad more to blame -- Antfrost talked to him recently

- Puffy forgives Ant. She asks how Bad handled it, and Antfrost says Bad is full of guilt and is hoping he can just forget about it

- Bad hasn’t apologized to Puffy, but Ant says he’ll get around to talking to everyone. Puffy made a burner Twitter account to hate on Badboyhalo and if she doesn’t get an apology, she might have to use it

- About L’Sandburg, Ant says he was there for like five minutes, but he doesn’t know what’s been happening since

Puffy: “Ant, you have to be your own person, Ant. He always uses you as his little pet to do things for you, and you murdered a man now because of it, because of Bad.”

Bad uses Antfrost to do things. Why didn’t Bad kill Foolish himself? Why was Antfrost thrown under the bus?

- She tells Ant that he needs to stand up for himself. She had to watch so many “RIP that pussy” and “Why’d you have to kill my cat” edits, it was the worst timing

- Puffy messages Bad asking if he’s apologized to Ant. They spot Bad nearby and walk over to confront him. He’s selling arrows

- Bad says he said sorry for letting Ant die, but Ant wants an apology for Bad making him do everything. Bad says they were both just following the Egg’s orders, that Ant had a grudge against Foolish -- but Ant says he didn’t, that Bad said he had to kill people

- Bad says sorry, but the Egg just wanted it that way. They accuse him of making excuses. Bad apologizes to Antfrost for making him kill Foolish, and the two hug

- Bad and Skeppy had a disagreement after the Red Banquet, and he has to check up with him to make sure he’s okay

- Bad says sorry to Puffy for what they did while under the Egg’s influence. Puffy was told that they were turning a new leaf, letting bygones be bygones so many times that if she took a shot every time she was told that, she would get alcohol poisoning

- Bad says sorry for everything to both of them, from the bottom of his heart. Puffy accepts to be the bigger person. They’ve always been a trio, always been friends, and now that the Egg’s no longer here, she’ll let it slide

- They do a group hug

- After some chatting, Puffy accuses Bad of having a Wattpad account to write Skephalo fanfiction and they continue talking about Skeppy’s merch boxes

- Michael joins the call! They all hang out together

- Later on, Eret and Foolish join in as well!

- A while after, they all go over to Ponk’s stairway to heaven to finally destroy it

(The build dates back to at least early July, possibly June, of 2020)

---

Upcoming events remain the same.

#dream smp #dream smp recaps #long posts

180 notes · View notes

yesimwriting · 3 years

Text

Falling Angels: chapter two

A/n took me longer to get around to writing part 2 than i thought!! i didn’t know there was an audience for this idea but im glad you guys liked it!!

Im adding a country to the grishaverse to make my story work,, def not a big deal i just needed a country in which i could control the history of without worrying about conflicting with cannon lol

Link to part one: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/yesimwriting/652318577650696192 (lmk if this works ive never linked something to a tumblr post lol)

Series Summary: Y/n is a rising star in the most famous circus in Ketterdam because of her ability to see the future. Unfortunately for her, Kaz Brekker knows more of her backstory than he should, and he’s willing to use that to his advantage. The one thing he’s not betting on? That he doesn’t know her entire story

Chapter summary: Y/n gets a visitor before getting tricked into the most dangerous show of her life.

Pairng: SOC x reader, Kaz Brekker x sunshine-y! Psychic! Reader

My father seemed to love me more after two glasses of something amber. It was after these two glasses that he would tell me realities his inebriated self believed I needed to internalize. He’d pat my head affectionately and smiled at me as he told me that the world was a bad place. Most of his lessons are lost in my mind, but the one I remember most clearly is that there’s no such thing as a kept secret. There’s always a leak or a flaw or a factor you could not account for. He told me that if I wanted to keep a secret, I would have to decide what I was willing to risk for it.

I know from Seria’s reaction to his presence that listening to Kaz is a risk, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take for my secret. “I don’t know what you think I am, but you’re mistaken.” It doesn’t really matter that he believes me. I have the paperwork I need to disprove him. “I have to get to my tent.”

“The princess gets her own tent?” His words are saturated by mock casualness but I can feel his pride on how he delivered that line.

My body is still tense from balancing over flames and his confidence only adds to my desire to unravel. I can’t get angry here. Not at him. Not with the way he grips that cane of his. “I don’t understand what--”

“You may be able to play pretend here where no one wants to look twice at you, but I know what you are.” His stiffness leaves my skin prickling. “I know who you are.”

I swallow back my panic. “Then who am I?”

“You’re that king’s bastard--the one with a high bounty on her head.” Don’t back down. Even the smallest crack will confirm his story. “As long as she’s returned alive.”

Thoughts of what my father would do to me if ever given the chance strike me with more anxiety than his presence does. “I’ve heard of the girl you’re talking about,” I admit, the lie leaving me as easily as the air leaves my lungs when I exhale. “But I’m not her.”

“You’re not from Ketterdam, if you were you would have known who I was after you friend referred to me as Dirtyhands.” I have no defense, but I never claimed to be from Ketterdam. “You make your business claiming to be a psychic.” I am a psychic, but now is not the time to make that argument. “Elkosa is a relatively small and self efficient port kingdom, the island is nothing more than a jagged coastline barely larger than Ketterdam, but I have connections in all places.” He knows someone from Elkosa? I have to fight the instinct to move all of my weight on the balls of my feet, prepared to run. “A captain of the royal fleet told me the story of the night the King’s bastard ran into the meeting room the night before ten ships were meant to sail to Ravka.”

He studies my reaction as I struggle to keep my expression blank. “None of that seems connected.”

“Patience is a virtue most Saints are familiar with.” I roll my eyes. “The bastard couldn’t have been more than nine at the time, but the guards did not want to let her in. The King told them to let her interrupt. The sailor noted this because he had never made an exception to his meeting before. The girl described a nightmare to her father, a nightmare of a storm and ten dead birds. The king did not comfort her, she finished her story by saying that he asked to know about all of her dreams. She went back upstairs and the King continued the meeting as normal but the next day the King cancelled the trip.”

I remember that night as the night I realized that if I’m not careful, I’ll feel what I see in my visions. It felt like I was drowning. I felt the death of each of those men and instead of comforting me, my father nodded once like I had offered him advice and sent me back to my room. “And?” My defense is weak, my mind too lost in the memories of drowning. “Many smaller countries are superstitious.”

“The next day the worst storm to have impacted that ocean occurred. For four nights and three days the storm continued.”

I press my nails into my palms. “You don’t believe that I am precognitive, so that sailor’s unverified story has nothing to do with me.”

“A princess that can see the future disappears at the same time a failing circus hires a girl who has no business in this city who claims to be able to see the future.” He adjusts his stance, taking pressure off the cane as if he’s preparing to need to use it for something else. “I am not fool enough to believe in coincidence.”

“And I am not fool enough to crack beneath the vague threats of a man. In my experience, men always threaten with a blade when really all they’re in possession of is a butter knife. Try to drag me from here kicking and screaming, find a way to incapacitate me and put me on a ship to Elkosa, but when the King sees that you brought him a stranger he will have your head.”

He blinks, expression hard as stone. I tense, preparing for a physical blow. “I didn’t expect you to be a half-decent liar, but I should have.” I bite my tongue to avoid resorting to something I can’t take back. Like begging. “Even if it’s in only half your blood.”

“I am not her.” My stubbornness burns more than the need to survive. I inhale, hoping to shake the grasp of the sensation but it only worsens. The pinch of dread in my chest is heavy and familiar. A vision.

No. Not now--not in front of him. I push against it even though I know that only makes it worse. Not now. Not now. I should be grounding myself but all I can think about is how stupid I am and how bad this situation is.

“I’m not an idiot, I know to be quiet. I see myself crouched somewhere dark.

“Being defensive doesn’t make you any more intelligent.” It takes me a minute to recognize Kaz in the darkness.

We’re somewhere small, our backs against the same wall but our shoulders do not touch. This vision is enshrouded by the feel of panic.

This other me grimaces, but her eyes lack anger, “Remind me why I agreed to help you again?”

“You never told me why,” he admits, “you can change your mind on participating and I can change my mind on whether or not you're more useful than your father’s money.”

Something loud crashes from behind the door we’re both staring at. “You’ll have no use for me or my father’s money if we die here.” I squeeze my hands together.

He hesitates, “My ghost will.”

The future-me almost smiles. “I wonder if I’ll be able to see ghost futures.” I hesitate, something strange behind my eyes. “I wonder if that can exist, if there’s a future beyond endings.”

Future-Kaz is silent for a long second. “There should be,” he says, “for someone like you, at least.”

I watch the way I take in his words. “You’d be there, too,” my voice is low, “your ghost at least.” I turn my head, staring at the door instead of him, “If you weren’t, I’d miss the brooding.”

The vision leaves me with sweaty palms and swirling thoughts. All of my visions do that. Not all of them make me feel so confused. Apparently, he needs help and I agree to do so. At one point we’ll be pushed into a life or death situation and I won’t loathe him.

I blink twice, forcing myself to hold onto the reality in front of me. I don’t have to agree--the future isn’t set in stone. For all I know tomorrow morning I’ll have a vision in which he kills me.

“Are you ignoring me?”

Shaking my head, I turn to face him. “You need help.” I don’t wait for his reaction. “You’re not here to return someone to the King of Elkosa, you’re here because you need someone that can see the future.”

“I--”

“It’s not that you won’t take me to Elkosa, it’s that you’d rather use my abilities for something.”

I’m confusing him again, but that’s okay. I’d rather deal with him confused than angry. “I need to know how a certain business deal of mine is going to be worth what it costs.”

He’s spent the entire time claiming he doesn’t believe in my power. Was that some kind of tactic? In the vision I saw, despite the panic surrounding the situation I didn’t feel panicked around him. The probability of that future occurring is probably low. I’ve been wrong before, the future changes too much for me to know everything.

“That’s not how readings work,” I admit, “I don’t have that much control on them. Most of them come to me randomly. The events I see always involve me or someone I care about to a certain capacity. I can give someone a general glimpse into their future but I can’t promise I’ll see what they want. Sometimes I can see the general vision by just focusing on their energy but usually I need some physical contact for it to work.” That seems like a fair explanation. “Oh--and not all of my predictions come true, most are blurry, few are solid--the future is always moving.”

Wait...the vision I saw where I was with Kaz wasn’t blurry. Those can be wrong, but it’s much rarer. Do I really agree to this?

“Then maybe I should make it involve you.” His aggression has me forcing myself to stand my ground. He can threaten me all he wants but that won’t change things. “Or take the money your father would give me and cut my losses.”

Every time I’ve purposefully destroyed a solid vision, something bad has happened. I’m genuinely considering it. “What do you need a psychic for, anyways?”

“To get through the Fold.”

Despite everything, I laugh. “I’ve never seen anyone get through the Fold, literally or in my visions.”

He’s unphased by my doubt. “It’s happened.”

I really don’t want to help him. “Well then good luck, I’m happy to part ways here.”

I manage one step forward before he moves his cane in front of my path. I’m getting tired of this. “You’re assisting me one way or the other, whether that aid will be financial or through your services is up to you.”

Anger pinches in my stomach the way it often does when I’m told what to do. The one thing centering me is the vision still reflecting in my thoughts. There’s no denying it--I had felt comfortable with him. There is a future in which I feel comfortable with him and I’m not sure I’ll be able to avoid it.

“I won’t get in trouble for you,” I tell him, “The Ringmaster holds onto those indentured to him, especially the commodities that bring him profit.”

There’s something stiff about his silence. I wonder if he’s always like this, pushing the weight of his presence onto those around him without saying a word. “When I have a goal, it is achieved. I’ll speak to him.”

I cannot imagine a conversation I want to be involved in less. The Ringmaster and this man that Seria had labeled ‘Dirtyhands’. “I just had a vision--I saw your entire conversation and it ends with you missing an arm.” His stoic expression does not shift. “Okay, I’m aware that it wasn’t the funniest joke, but throw me a bone--you threatened to kidnap me and sell me to my father in order to extort me and I’ve been nothing but polite to you.”

He’s quiet for a moment, something in his expression changing in a way I can’t read. “All you’ve done is lie since the moment you started to speak to me.”

The optimist in me would like to think that his annoyance counts for banter. I shrug, feeling a little lighter than I did a second ago. I’m certainly not comfortable but I’m starting to see how to put up with the tension without letting it strain me. “Well, polite for my standards.”

I let him brood. “You must have done well as a royal.”

My past cuts through the peace I managed to grab onto. It’s not his fault, he has no way of knowing what the castle was like for me. I open my mouth, but I don’t know what I’m going to say. “I had my moments,” I finally settle on, hoping the echo of pain isn’t visible behind my eyes.

I guess it doesn’t matter if he sees me bleed. He’s heartless, and I hate sympathy.

“Y/n,” Seria’s voice is genuine anger, “You’ve turned into an idiot--first the tightrope walk and now entertaining whatever deal he’s trying to coax from you.” I love Seria, she’s the reason I didn’t die in the street when I first arrived in Ketterdam, but she sees me as a mindless child. “Whatever he told you, whatever he promised you--it’s a lie.”

“He hasn’t promised me anything.” I need to calm her down. Once she’s calm, everything will be normal again. “And he knows.” I don’t have to turn to feel the way Seria gapes at me. “He knows who I am, so I have to do what he wants.”

“You never have to do anything a man is forcing onto you, y/n. We’ll find a way--”

“Seria, it’s fine,” I reach to touch her arm, “I’ll be fine, you can’t protect me from everything and you don’t have to.”

Kaz throws a pointed glare at the man who was with him earlier. When did the stranger get here? “Boss, she’s faster than she looked, but I have what we need to get the girl--”

“You’re late,” Kaz sighs, bored, “she’s agreed.”

Wait--what was he going to do if I didn’t agree? “Out of curiosity, what are you talking about?” The man blinks twice, squeezing a rag between his ring-clad fingers. “You were going to use chloroform to kidnap me, weren’t you?”

For some reason I don’t understand, the stranger gives me a look that’s a cross between sheepish and charming. “Nothing personal.”

“Or original.”

Seria pinches my arm. “Y/n,” she scolds, “your sense of humor is going to kill me one of these days.”

I cringe, pulling my arm away. “When I met you, you were pickpocketing in the pleasure district, please remember that.”

She rolls her eyes. “An attitude like that is going to leave you without a place to sleep at night.”

I take her comment for the empty threat it is. Every other day she’s threatening to kick me out of her private trailer so that I’m forced to fight for cots or speak to the Ringmaster about my lodging arrangements. He’d give me what I want, but speaking to him feels so slimy I’d sleep in the woods before trying it.

“Kaz.” I turn my head in time to see the girl that gave me the advice about the tightrope walker. “We need to go, he’s coming soon--you’ll do better to speak to him in the morning after she’s gone, that way he has nothing to hold over your head.”

“Once I’m gone?” The girl had called me a Saint. I can appeal to her. “I’m not--I’m not going anywhere, I said I’d help.”

Her eyes widen, sympathy reflected clearly in her dark irises. “There was never a version of this in which you ended up staying here.” I hear a hint of apology in her voice. “You won’t believe me, but I promise this will be better for you.” All of her pity is gone with those, replaced by something hard.

Seria responds for me, “I think you should go.”

“What?”

She almost smiles, but her eyes are painfully sad. “I never wanted you to be here forever. I don’t trust these people, but I trust their ability to get you out of here, even if only for a little while. Bad things are coming, and I think you’ll miss the worst of it if you go now.”

What she alludes to is a blade in my heart. “You want me to leave you here to deal with it?”

“Y/n, I’ve been hurt here more times than I can count--”

“No, I won’t leave y--”

Seria squeezes my shoulder, “It’s not forever.” When she wants something, it’s almost impossible to get around it. “Besides, if I need you, you’ll see it.”

My world feels to have lost the vibrance of color. I’ve left so much, but I let myself believe I wouldn’t leave her. I pull her into the hug. “The moment I see a vision of you in any type of danger, I’m coming back.” I hug her even tighter when she tries to pull away so that I can whisper something in her ear, “I’ll use this opportunity to leave the Ringmaster and then I’ll get you out, and together we’ll leave Ketterdam. We’ll find your child, like you always wanted to and they’ll know that they're lucky because they’re the only kid in the world to have you as a mother.”

She squeezes me so tightly I find it hard to take full breaths. “Two,” Seria whispers, “I have two children.”

My eyes burn as her words find their way into my heart. “I love you, Seria.”

“I love you too, my star,” she pulls away enough so that I can look her in the eye, “you don’t like being called a Saint, but I can’t think of anyone more deserving of the title.”

Tears prick my eyes as she releases me. “I’ll find you.”

“He’ll be coming soon,” the girl warns, “He spoke to an advisor about wanting to find you after the show.”

No doubt to praise the fire stunt he forced onto me. Bastard. I nod once but I don’t move. I can’t bring myself to leave Seria until the girl places a hand on my elbow.

Falling Angels Taglist: @glowstick-lesbian @cashlum @whatiswrongwithpeople @pass-me-jeez-it @thecraziestcrayon

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anxious-allie-ren · 3 years

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Miscalculation

Hey cuties! So, I have started writing fanfiction! I have been posting on both AO3 and Wattpad. Both links are in my linktree in my bio! But, I’d like to share my first one-shot here. Let me know what you all think!

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Let's be honest, The Finalizer is boring.

Not a, "Oh, it's a calm day with nothing to do, kind of boring." But more like, "I'm trapped on a steel death ship in the vacuum less mass of space" kind of boring.

Okay maybe that's because you are trapped. You have been trapped for what feels like months. In reality, it's been a few weeks and you're really close to going insane.

It was a small error that landed you here. A tiny miscalculation that landed you on the path of Snoke's little apprentice. Should you have double checked to make sure you had enough fuel to get back to D'Qar? Yes. Did you? No. Instead you waste your credits on some shitty fried food at the docking station on Coruscant and take off. This leaves you stranded on Jakku. Luck was clearly on your side that day because this was the exact day Snoke's dog sent his bitches out on a mission. There you are, in your X-Wing with what seems like the biggest bullseye on you.

It doesn't take them long to sniff you out. You're ripped out of the cockpit by a knight in an all black mask with long shields placed on either side. The knight drops you to the ground and you can immediately see you're outnumbered. Six large armored men have circled you. Okay, so the blaster you're pointing at the one who man-handled you probably wasn't going to do shit. But that doesn't stop you from holding your ground.

"I am not afraid to shoot. I will blast you all right now."

This earns a chuckle from the group. That first knight speaks up.

"You're stranded on this sand pile with no fuel. I doubt you have enough plasma to shoot half of us."

You huff at his comment but stand your ground, keeping the blaster pointed at him.

"Trudgen, just grab her and let's get back to the mission. Master can decide what to do with her."

You take note of that fucker's name as two of the other knights haul you up by your arms roughly. You're dragged to the ugliest ship you've ever seen in your life and thrown in a dingy compartment.

"We'll be back rebel scum. Don't try anything." Trudgen said as he placed your blaster on his belt. Not like he has enough weapons strapped to his body or anything. You roll your eyes and try to sit in a spot that isn't covered in dust.

"No promises."

And that's how you ended up on the Finalizer. You made the journey here hell for the knights. You did eventually learn the rest of their names after eavesdropping on their conversations. When you arrived Vicrul and Ap'lek placed your hands in binders and led you to an interrogation room. After you were strapped into the interrogation chair the knights made their way to leave.

"Uh, excuse me? Where the fuck are you guys going? You can't just strapped me in to this stupid chair, way too tightly might I add, and then leave without saying anything!"

Vicrul and Ap'lek share a look and then turn towards you.

"We aren't the ones interrogating you, scum. Master is interested in you." Vicrul says, shrugging his shoulders.

"I have no idea why. Not much to be interested in." Ap'lek mutters as he turns to leave again.

You rolled your eyes as both knights leave the room. So you would be getting the honor of meeting Snoke's apprentice. Wonderful. From what you learned being in the Resistance, Kylo Ren was an overgrown toddler with a laser sword. So the likelihood of you coming out of this interrogation alive was small.

You probably sit strapped to that stupid chair for hours before Commander Ren decides to stroll on in. He comes through the door swiftly, feet pounding on the ground loudly. He stops in front of you and gives you a quick once-over. The mask finally meets your eyes.

"Are we just going to stare at each other? Or are we going to get this over with?"

Kylo ball his hands into fists and begins to circle the interrogation chair.

"I don't think you are in any position to ask questions right now. What were you doing on Jakku?"

"Your little boy band didn't fill you in already? I got stranded on that shitty planet. Didn't exactly go there by choice."

He stops in front of you again.

"And why did you get stranded?"

You immediately think back to your little error. You feel even more stupid looking back on it. Admitting to it is not something you were looking to do right now. What the fuck was the point of this? Was he really just going to ask you trivial questions? You figured Snoke would have taught him better than this if he's really so powerful.

Kylo leans down quickly, grabbing the sides of the chair by your head. The sudden movement makes you jump, wrists smacking against the restraints.

"I can hear all of your thoughts. It would be wise to watch what you think. Now answer the question."

Of course he can hear your thoughts. He's a fucking force user. Rookie mistake on your part really. But the idea of him actually hearing every thought you think does unnerve you.

"I ran out of fuel. Had to make an emergency landing, okay? Is that answer good enough for you?"

Kylo finally leans back up. He stares down at you and even though he's wearing that stupid fucking mask you can just tell he's got a judgemental look on his face.

"What kind of pilot runs out of fuel?"

You begin to argue back but he stops you.

"Not a very good one. A good pilot would have checked that they had enough fuel to get to their next destination. A good pilot wouldn't have spent all of their credits."

"Listen you fu-"

"A good pilot would have landed near a fueling station, not in the middle of nowhere. But I guess that's my point. You aren't a good pilot. Another useless member of the Resistance. So breaking you down is going to be easier than I thought."

All you could do was stare at him. He read your thoughts. He already knew everything. He wanted to embarrass you, make you feel small. It worked for a second. But if you were going to die today, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing your embarrassment.

You square your jaw and look right into the eyes of his mask.

"That's where you're wrong, buddy."

Kylo leans down so his mouthpiece is by your ear and whispers, "We'll see about that, little one."

He stands back up and stomps out of the room quickly. Leaving you feeling shocked, angry, and oddly aroused.

____________________________

So to everyone's surprise you did not die that day. Instead Kylo had you placed in a cell and that's where you've been for weeks. Stormtroopers come and feed you or take you to a refresher to bathe. Commander Ren has stopped by a few times since your original meeting. Nothing much has come of those ones either. Mostly him staring at you and asking trivial questions. Which just agitates you.

You can't seem to figure him out. He hasn't asked anything regarding the Resistance. What is the point of keeping you prisoner if he isn't going to get any useful information from you? It doesn't sit well with you.

When he doesn't visit you're left alone. Staring at the same four walls does get boring eventually. You've taken to sitting near the door and trying to listen to the stormtroopers conversations. Sometimes bucket heads spill some interesting tea. You learned last week that General Hux once got a boner after getting choked by the Commander.

That's what you're doing currently. Listening to the chatter when you suddenly hear the distinct pounding of boots. The last you knew, the Commander was away on a mission with the knights. As the footsteps draw closer you move quickly to your feet and back away from the door. Kylo strides through the door, chest heaving and fists clenched. You can feel the anger rolling off of him. So you're guessing his little adventure didn't go so well.

His hand flies up quickly, using the force to choke you.

"How many times do I have to tell you to watch your thoughts?"

Okay, so he heard you. You really gotta work on monitoring that. Wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of a toddler tantrum.

Just as the thought crosses your mind you're dragged across the floor towards Kylo. Your toes just barely touching the ground as you move. His hand wraps around your throat and he leans his masked face down into your own.

"I've given you far too many warnings. Now you're going to be punished."

Your eyes go wide as you look up into the soulless mask. This is it. This is where you die. You're going to die at the hands of this fucker and even worse, you're turned on.

Kylo spins you around and pins you to the wall. He kicks your feet apart using his boot, shoving his knee between your legs. You feel his thigh rub against your core. It takes all your self control to stop yourself from grinding down on it. He can feel the arousal pouring from your body.

He pulls his hand from your neck and leans back.

"I'm afraid you're enjoying this too much, little one."

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, to no prevail of course. You can feel your heart hammering in your chest. But the anger from this whole situation has begun to build. You're sick and tired of being in this cell. You're enraged by his trivial fucking questioning. And now, he's teasing you. You've had enough of it. You are not going to be his toy.

"I'm not enjoying anything. Im stuck in this stupid cell guarded by bucket heads. You've done nothing but ask me useless fucking questions. What is the point of this? Why keep me around if I have no use?"

You watch as he reaches up quickly and yanks the mask off. You weren't sure what you were expecting. But it wasn't that. When you imagined the Commander of the First Order, you pictured some burnt deformed old man. Not a hot ass guy with perfect fucking hair.

He throws the mask off to the side and glares down at you.

"You've certainly got a use and now you're going to fulfill it."

Suddenly, you feel the most glorious swirling against your clit. You gasp and try to squirm away from him. He pins you harder against the wall and begins kissing up your neck. You begin to feel the pressure building just as he starts to remove your shirt.

"Fuck, I don't know what you're doing. But don't stop." You pant out.

Just as the words leave your mouth the swirling stops.

"What the actual fuck?"

"You didn't think I'd just let you cum, did you? This is a punishment."

That is the final straw. You were so close to ecstasy. So close to release. You have had enough of this little twat. You collect yourself and use all the strength you can to push him away from you.

"Enough fucking games. I'm not some toy to be played with. Either show me the reason I'm still here or kill me already!"

Commander Ren is quick. If you weren't aware of his position, you'd think he was a bounty hunter with how fast he can move. So fast in fact, that he has you pinned face down on your shitty cot before you can think. You're bent over with your hands held in his fist behind you. You try to squirm but only end up grinding your ass back into him. Either that's his lightsaber or he's really excited to see you.

"Who is the general of the Resistance?"

The question catches you off guard. Why the fuck is he asking you his trivial questions now? Of all fucking times. He certainly knows the answer to this one, so what's the point of this?

You must have been stuck in your thoughts for too long, because a strong slap comes across your left ass cheek. The sound echoes throughout the tiny cell and you're certain the stormtroopers outside heard it.

"Answer the question."

"Uh, General Organa. She's your mom, right?"

Stupid response. He grabs a fist full of your hair and yanks your head back. He growls in your ear, "I would advise you shut the fuck up. Stop being a little brat and cooperate or this will only get worse."

Kylo releases your hair and holds you down with the force. He yanks down your pants, revealing your slick soaked panties to the room. Kylo looks down and smirks.

"You're drenched. Bent over and pussy wet for the enemy. What kind of pilot would do that?"

He lands another hard slap to your right cheek this time. Giving it a small kneed afterwards.

"Oh that's right. Not a very good one."

You try to move against the force hold but it's no use. He's got the upper hand here. But you're not going to let him degrade you like that.

"That's rich coming from Snoke's little bitch."

His fist is back in your hair and his other grabs your hip, pulling you back against him. He grinds himself into you and groans out, "You're going to regret that, little one."

Kylo pulls himself away enough to pull down your panties. You feel his gloved finger glide through your slick down to your bundle of nerves. You gasp and wiggle your hips back towards him trying to gain more friction.

"What is your squadron?"

Not this bullshit again. He's playing with your pussy and asking you these dumbass questions? He pulls his hand away and lands a slap to your pussy, causing your legs to shake.

"I hate repeating myself, so answer the fucking question."

Your head is spinning and your pussy is clenching around nothing. You have no clue what the point of these questions are but you'll do anything to get him to touch you again.

"Blue Squadron! Fuck."

Kylo's hand comes back to you, this time bare. He begins rubbing slow circles around your nub, applying the perfect amount of pressure.

"Now that's a good girl. Keep answering your Commander and you'll get rewarded."

"You're not my fucking commander." You gasp as he inserts two thick fingers into your needy hole. "My commander is Poe Dameron."

You realize what you've said after it's too late. It's not exactly classified information. But it's certainly not something you should be sharing with the enemy. You've got to get it together if you're going to make it through this little visit.

"Dameron, hm? Interesting."

You hear the sound of his belt buckle and zipper coming undone. He releases his long, girthy cock from the confines of his pants. It lands on your ass as Kylo grabs hold of both your hips.

"Are you ready for your punishment? I'm going to destroy this little cunt."

You arch your back, pushing your ass up. "I really doubt that. But you can try."

With our warning, Kylo buries his whole length in your wet heat. You gasp as he knocks the air out of your lungs, taking you by surprise. He begins thrusting into you at a slow pace, taking his time. You can feel every glorious inch of him, from tip to hilt.

You moan out and wiggle your hips, trying to get him to speed up. "If you're going to punish me, you'll have to try harder than this."

He snarls at your comment, squeezing your hips and picking up the pace. The little cell is filled with the sounds of your breathy moans, his grunts, and skin slapping. You get so lost in the pleasure you nearly miss him speaking to you.

"Where is the Resistance base?"

You almost answer. You almost let that information slide, forgetting where you are and whose cock is buried inside you. But then it all clicks. He's trying to distract you for information. Nice fucking try Commander Cunt.

"Fuck off."

Kylo grunts and releases one of your hips to instead grab a fistful of your hand. He yanks your head back and forces your back to arch further, making his cock reach deeper inside your pussy. Kylo begins pounding into you, each thrust hitting your sweet spot.

"Where the fuck is the Resistance base?"

Your moans are loud at this point. You couldn't care less about the stormtroopers outside hearing you. This all feels too good. But you aren't going to give in to him this easy. The resistance is counting on you. You are not some weak pilot that gives in to this moody bitch.

"Fuck. Off." You moan out in response.

Kylo's other hand leaves your hip and snakes down your front. He begins rubbing fast circles against your clit. You scream as you feel the pressure beginning to build again.

"Tell me where the fucking base is, pet."

You scream out in pleasure and frustration. You're so close. Just teetering on the edge. You so badly want to let go. So you crack.

"Fuck! Fine! D'Qar! The resistance base is on D'Qar! Please just let me come! Please!"

Kylo smirks, knowing he's won. He picks up the pace on your clit and groans out, "That's right, now be a good girl and cum all over my cock."

That was all you needed. You screamed in ecstasy, "Yes, fuck Kylo!"

Your pussy clenched around him as you came, your juices covering him. Kylo grunted, fucking you through your orgasm.

Soon after you came down from your high, you felt his cock twitch inside you. Kylo quickly pulled out of you and yanked you up by your hair.

"On your knees and mouth open, rebel bitch."

You quickly dropped to your knees and did just as he said, closing your eyes. Kylo pumped his cock over your face, using your slick and cum as lube. He threw his head back and let out a feral groan. Strings of his milky seed covering your face.

Once he was finished, you swallow what had gotten in your mouth and began wiping the rest off your face, licking it from your fingers. Fuck he tastes delicious. When you could finally open your eyes, he was already by the door. He had tucked himself away and put his glove back on. Kylo grabbed his helmet and looked back at you.

"Just as I thought. You're a useless Resistance member. So easy to destroy."

You sit there stunned by his words, letting everything that had just happened sink in.

"It has been fun breaking you, little one."

With one last look, Kylo places his helmet back on his head and walks out of the cell.

You stare at the door and replay his words. Maybe you were a shitty Resistance member. Others probably wouldn't have broken that easily, or at all. But with some of his cum drying on your face and a satisfied feeling, you can't find it in you to care.

You're secretly hoping Commander Ren needs more information. You might come to enjoy his little visits.

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I hope everyone enjoyed! If you all are interested, I can post on here more. Let me know!

#firstorder #kyloren #kylo x reader #Kylo #kylo ren x you #resistance #fanfiction #starwars #oneshot #smutty #smutty one shot #smutty fanfiction

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jojotichakorn · 2 years

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theres just something about seanwhite thats so beautiful, especially in todays episode. they both are hiding things but they almost see through that and its just very nice!! they were very warm and soft in this episode and i hope they continue to be!!

i do however hate (/lh) sean for doing a trust fall ON THE EDGE OF A BUILDING like oh my god my heart stopped. it was an interesting choice though because white catching him there makes his point that hes living for his cause and for white all the more true. ( i do think its really unhealthy to tell people youre living for them especially in the context of a romantic relationship but i think this will be fine? idk we shall find out if its brought up again)

danyok continue to be the queer people who have met once and now know each other deeply and i love that for them!! im interested to see dans arc since hes fully admitted hes unhappy being a cop and he disagrees with what they do. hopefully we get him resigning and also maybe rethinking nfts… (someone get pran and pat on the phone we need eco friendly solutions) oh!! im also super excited to see yoks art in color and everything!! the portrayal of art in this show has been so stunning and i cant wait to see yok express his opinions on art more <3

and finally, in honor of the new episode, heres my playlist (please let that link work jdjdjsjdjdjd) at the moment, its mostly political songs (admittedly us centric) but im planning/hoping to add some romantic songs as well!! i had a hard time with this playlist because when you think of anticapitalist, antifascist, etc music, the first genre that comes to mind is punk (and folk). i did however, start the playlist with songs that are decidedly Not punk or folk so i wanted to keep the flow of it!

- lost anon

ps. my bad buddy playlist is in my “show playlists <3” folder if anyones interested as well :D

heyy, dearest lost anon!!

seanwhite were truly incredible today. but as for the whole "living for a person" thing, i think... relationships are complex, you know? it's not like sean was giving white some sort of an ultimatum, i don't think it was said in a sense of "i am only alive because you are around" but more like what white is helping sean understand is changing him and making him want to live? if that makes sense?

yokdan absolutely blew me away as well. i had to pause to take a breath every three fucking seconds. they are just so!! i have no words. i think we will all love seeing dan's arc, they are setting it up beautifully.

as for your playlist, honestly, when i first read what you said about punk and folk i was like 🧍‍♂️ because my favorite genres are literally post-punk and indie folk, but i am currently listening to it and i am very much enjoying it, despite you going in the opposite direction of those genres. i have also been thinking of blood // water by grandson as a not me song for weeks now, so i got you ;) really recommend everyone listens to the playlist!! it's really good!!

#archer responds #lost anon

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washymylifeaway · 3 years

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SunaOsa fanfic recs: valentines edition~~

SunaOsa is one of my all time favorite ships and this past month, there has been/was an exchange going on between writers (here is the link) and artists (separately) and because I don’t have a life (or maybe it’s just that SunaOsa is my life LOL), I’m here to tell you some of my favorite fics from the pile :D However, as much as I love a ship, sometimes fluff is too asajndajnd so mind you there will probably be a lot of good fics missing just cause I couldn’t get myself to read more fluff (or angst) LOL (IM SORRY but sometimes I also just can’t motivate myself to read a fic no matter how good it looks OOPS).

As always, please check warning and tags before reading any of these fics, and take care of yourselves!!!!

In no particular order (jk the order is last updated haha) tho my favorites will have *** next to them :)

***glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // Mafia AU’s are some of my favorite kinds of fics, and this one did not disappoint! The character development of Osamu is really legit and despite being mafia, it’s not that heavy or angst of a fic (but you should still definitely read tags and warnings first). It’s an Osamu heavy fic, and if you’re into reading him being stupid, go right ahead LOL.

redux by catalysis (T) 2.3k // ngl I hate break-up fics with a passion truely (when you can’t handle fluff or angst what to do) but I liked the concept for this one hehe (so I made myself suffer LOL). It was short, but cute !!! and the unspoken words really hit me in the FEELS (so what I’m dramatic fight me LOL).

Impropriety by DeathBelle (T) 5.7k // royalty~ I love the banter between them in this fic and we DO stan respectful Osamu yes we do <33333 The relationships between not only SunaOsa but SunaAtsu (because even though it isn’t really SunaAtsu best friend agenda, I can delude myself into think it is okay :/) are done so well and so nice he’s mean Osamu is best Osamu.

***what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // MIGHT BE MY FAV FIC FROM THIS EXCHANGE!!! It made me cackle and I love how they learn new things about each other!!!! Like the development is so good and Suna is really doing the MOST!! Also, I love recursive endings AHHHHHH!

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // soulmates, then they were SOULMATES! (ik that’s not how it goes but pls just humor me LOL) This fic really depicted Osamu’s insecurities/internal turmoil/overthinking really well and the realization he has vs Suna’s AHJAFKASFJ. I love confident Suna.

fireside by tartaglia (starkartifices) (T) 3.6k // we do love the subtle flirt flirt don’t we hehe ;) It’s short, it’s fluff, and it’s funny - what more could you ask for? Also whats a vigilante fic if there isn’t at least one pun about being a vigilante LOL.

Over and Over Again by tookumade (G) 6.4k // I would like to order one reassuring, reliable Miya Osamu for myself please and thank you :((( The way the relationship is so GOOD like both Suna and Osamu pick each other up and they know the other has their back ajfhkajdfl. I would purchase all the onigiri with the deal Suna was proposing ;) Onigirintarou.

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // I for one am a big fan of mythology and stuff (heroes of olympus but like IDR any of the plot LOL) so of course I read this fic. The snark appearances of Sakusa and Komori gave me LIFE and the difference in descriptions from Astumu and Kita cracked me up. This is another respectful Osamu fic (yes I love these) and in this one it was a ‘I save you as much as you save me’ type beat LOL. Gotta love rings.

***Subtle Inarizaki Dating by sifuhotman (T) 15.2k // THIS ONE. Even if you don’t read the whole thing, I beg of you, please, I AM ON MY KNEES, read the SID for Astumu. It is worth the loss of all your brain calls I guarantee it. It made me giggle so freakin much. Suna might be an A-Hole but he’s OUR A-Hole <3

Forever Begins with 8 Seconds by subtlehues (T) 3.9k // FLUFF hehe, I love their dynamic in this one it’s very good and cute and everything great! Also, I am all for the head cannon that Suna cannot cook, yes pls. Also SUPERPOWERS whooooooooh.

***try again, and again, and again by rosegoldwriting (T) 2.6k // SOULMATES! If you ever wanted a specific soulmate AU! for SunaOsa look no further, it probably comes out LOL. I love this concept of them just being like ‘WTF’ everyday, it gives me life. Also, count how many soulmate AU’s you recognized because I just thought about it and I think it’d be fun LOL. (I went back and I think 11 but I’m not sure LOL)

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // I am always up for a nice vampire Osamu and witch Suna (which believe it or not, is my second one because I read the other one by this writer LOL) This one is more Suna POV and it really goes into his fears and desires, and I like the way Osamu pushes him to live more freely.

***reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // THIS ONE. UGH I love, and it’s funny and cute and it EVEN HAS CRIME (kinda not really but yes)! I love the quiet moments they have and the PET AHHHHHHH! We love medic Osamu :DDDDD But also the betrayal and the sparring (and the irony at the end LOL) AJSKJNFK.

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // honestly the entire time I was just screaming at my computer, begging for them to hurry up and realize, but alas this is a ~slow burn~ for a reason and the tag ‘exes who act like theyre married’ really is the reason I read it and I do not regret LOL. Also bless Matsuda and stan her.

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // we love immortality! Denial! And Suna mentally filing away blackmail against people (namely Astumu) LOL. Running away from your problems is always the answer (I am saying this is a not sarcastic manner because I too, run away from my problems LOL) but ramen is ALWAYS a good answer. We love ourselves some emotional constipation LOL.

***none but you by broikawa (T) 7.2k // everything is a competition always LOL, not that I’m complainin but still LOL EVERYTHING. I really love this one because I love the progression and cock-block SakuAtsu hehe. I love them being synchronized idiots <3

it all comes back to you, (my home) by iritaescents (T) 4.5k // FOREVER, WE STAN FOREVER. Anyway, LOL this was is very very cute and fluff and not slow burn, it fast burn LOL. It’s a cute fic to read and it even has our favorite, now say it with me SOULMATES LOL.

Can't help falling in bed with you by tirralirra (T) 6.7k // here we see a 5 + 1 with points for the title (I think it’s very funny LOL my humor is bad ;)) Not that it really needs extra points because it’s a great fic in itself LOL but I really liked the title so I felt the need to share this with you all (OOPS). This was so cute, and the + 1 is HILARIOUS.

It’s no longer up :(((((( -> love's consequences by xginpuff (T) 6.5k // WARNINGS AND TAGS been a while since we had an angsty fic in this list (LOL the way I just tried to avoid all of them hehe). I read the tags but ngl I was still surprised later LOL maybe I’m just dumb, but anyway IK it starts out a bit confusing, but after you read more, you’ll get into it!

***sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // if there’s anything I like more than mythology, it’s folklore LOL. I love this fic and the plot is written so artfully AHDSAJN. Also the scene with the Ume-chan and her comment (so snarky I love). Also they way I went through so much trouble trying to figure out the kanji LOL (SPOILER it’s miyarin hehe)

catch me (while i'm still runnin') by lunarins (T) 4.3k // first and foremost, may we have a moment of silence for Komori and his eyebrows..... Continuing, this fic was so good because I love a good heist hehe. Their slight of hand abilities really doing the most LOL, and the ending OMG. I love the way the writer added in how they appeared to others during the heist, it really made it so good! Ugh to have a painting class and almost die LOL.

***if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // OLD FRIEND plsplspls I love this fic and I love how Osamu slowly relearns who he knew Suna as AHHH. The ending, again UGH, I really loved it and their banter with one another.

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // PLEASE the way Osamu kept getting offended omg. But also the effort Suna puts into getting to know Osamu, I was in ~love~. Read to me Osamu, READ TO ME. But also the Osamu is an oblivious MF agenda is alive and well within this fic hehe.

Take a Hint by pancake_surprise (G) 2.3k // ok so I had just read a tumbr post about the one bed thing and then I saw this fic. It was like the stars aligned okay? I was like, ig I HAVE to read it now hehe. But seriously read it, it’s cute and like everything else, of course there’s a challenge to be made LOL.

Heatwave by pancake_surprise (G) 2.1k // the way they were dating without knowing they were dating man. The tag ‘Didn't Know They Were Dating‘ more accurate than the ‘first dates’ one LOL jk but actually tho am I kidding? It’s the first official one IG. LOL anyway, we do love the doin of the defining of relationships. Yup.

If you made it all the way down here, CONGRATS LOL. Like I said, I didn’t read all of them (sadly) and these were the ones i did read LOL. I might add more depending on whether I can motivate myself into reading fics I know will be good LOL so we’ll see heh. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get word counted, but YAY we finished (for now hehe). Also sorry for any possible typos (is this no beta we die like men?) I’m running on 90 min of sleep so my engrish be strugglin LOL. Be safe and wear masks :)

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buffskierights · 4 years

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BUFFSKIER PROMPT: JASKIER CHALLENGING GERALT TO AN ARM-WRESTLING MATCH AND WINNING. THE BARD IS S T R O N K :D (im lov your writing so much ur the best)

I wasn’t home most of today bc of a dentist appt and then I was at my friend’s house. The root canal I had gave me an odd amount of inspiration so here we go!

The heavy thump of Lambert’s hand hitting the table is followed by uproarious cheering from Geralt’s brothers in light of his victory. Coën and Eskel laugh and jeer at Lambert, taunting the youngest Witcher as a result of being dethroned from his seat as the King of Arm Wrestling, and their mirth echoes through the empty halls of Kaer Morhen. The snow that falls gently outside the crumbling keep assures that they remain indoors and by the warm hearth, with their father sat in an armchair nearby and Jaskier plucking on the strings of his lute as he watches the proceedings with an amused grin and bright eyes.

“About damn time!” Eskel crows, thumping Geralt on the back with a gleeful bark of laughter, “Lambert’s been insufferable. Wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how he’s the strongest man alive.”

“‘Can’t nobody defeat the arm wrestling champ’!” Coën lowers his voice to mimic Lambert, who sneers and crosses his arms.

“Ha fucking ha, arseholes. It’s just because I wrestled all of you and now my arm’s fucking tired.”

Jaskier laughs from where he’s lounging at the end of the table and tilts his head to look at them, “Lambert, dear, those who lose graciously are the best in the bedroom. Are you, perhaps, finding yourself a bit lacking in that department if this is how you accept defeat?”

Lambert snarls as the others burst into laughter, “Fuck you, bard! I don’t see you even trying to compete!”

“I’ve no desire to,” Jaskier shrugs and Geralt grins as he adds:

“Besides, Jask knows he couldn’t beat a Witcher.”

The moment the words are out of his mouth, he knows he’s made an error. Jaskier has never, ever, been one to back down from a challenge, even if attempting to prove someone wrong results in him looking like a fool. Geralt looks over and sees the tell-tale spark of rebellion in Jaskier’s blue eyes as the bard sets his lute aside and gracefully gets to his feet.

“Oh, I can’t, can’t I?” He raises an eyebrow at Geralt, “I’m inclined to disagree, my love.”

Eskel’s grin contorts the scars marring his handsome face but, for once, he seems to disregard it as he taunts, “Come put your money where your mouth is, bard. I’ll put twenty on Lambert.”

“I’ve got fifteen on Jaskier,” Coën is quick to defend the bard who gives him a sympathetic look of thanks.

“I’ll put fifty on Geralt,” Lambert boldly says, leaning back in his chair, “Loverbirds aside, he should face the new champion, should he not?”

Eskel nods and sits down beside Lambert as they vacate the space across from Geralt at the table, “Seems fair to me.”

“I don’t know,” Geralt purses his lips doubtfully, “Maybe we shouldn’t.”

There’s a flash of something akin to disappointment in Jaskier’s eyes before the bard angrily sets his jaw and sits down across from Geralt, placing his elbow on the table and holding out his hand, “What, you’re not scared of being beat by a bard, now, are you, Geralt?”

The animosity in Jaskier’s taunt nearly makes Geralt flinch but he shakes his head and sighs, linking hands and positioning their arms so they’re evenly spaced apart, “Just didn’t want to hurt you,” he murmurs.

Jaskier’s expression softens and his lips quirk into a gentle smile for a moment before it quickly turns teasing, “Worry about yourself, dear Witcher, you’re about to get your just desserts.”

He resists the urge to sigh again as he locks eyes with Jaskier and Lambert places his own hbd atop their locked ones and counts them down. At one, he pulls away and both bard and Witcher tense for different reasons. Jaskier, to push against Geralt’s strength, and Geralt, in preparation for the painful smack that he expected to sound immediately.

To his surprise, Jaskier’s hand doesn’t budge. In fact, while Jaskier’s cheeks are turning pink, he otherwise looks unaffected as Geralt pushes harder against him. After a moment of stunned silence, his brothers clearly having expected the same quick outcome as himself, the other Witchers start cheering for Jaskier.

“Come on, bard!”

“Show him who’s the boss!”

“Avenge my crown, Jaskier!”

Jaskier grins and fans his mouth in a mime of a yawn even though they can all hear his heart beating harder and faster and see the small drops of sweat starting to bead up on his forehead. Geralt scowls and grunts as he throws his shoulder behind his arm, pressing as hard as he can against Jaskier’s immobile hand. To his great dismay, it still doesn’t move, and he glances at the bard’s arm to make sure he’s not cheating.

Jaskier’s shirtsleeves are rolled up to his elbows and theres wiry muscle flexed in his explosed forearm, a thin vein pushing out the tanned and densely freckled skin. His cotton shirt is tight across his thick bicep, the woven threads straining against the strong arm. Geralt swallows and his hand slips slightly as his concentration wavers, Jaskier gaining the upper hand.

It’s over in seconds, the cool wood of the table hitting the back of his knuckles with a dull thunk only moments later and his brothers cheer. Joyful, scarred hands jostle the victorious bard as they ruffle his hair and shove him around good naturedly. Geralt feels warmer than he rightfully should and quickly gets to his feet, stalking out of the room to avoid a different sort of problem.

“Geralt?” Jaskier sounds concerned behind him and he can almost feel blue eyes on his back.

“Forget him, he’s just a sore loser,” Lambert says before the door shuts and he’s left to the cold and empty halls.

It doesn’t take long for Jaskier to find him, he wasn’t exactly trying to hide anyway since he knew the bard would follow him, and when Jaskier turns the corner to pass the alcove he’s standing in Geralt’s hand shoots out to grab the bard. Jaskier yelps softly, more alarmed than frightened, and the sound turns into a delighted moan as Geralt wraps his arms around Jaskier’s waist and crushes their lips together.

“Since when are you that strong?” Geralt asks when Jaskier pulls away to breathe, looking at his bard’s wide pupils and red cheeks.

Jaskier laughs and presses another kiss to Geralt’s lips, “Since I’ve been wrangling horses as a lad for my father. You should know how wily the beasts can be, you ride one of the most ornery steeds I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

He blinks before rolling his eyes, filing the information away for later while valiantly trying, and failing, to ignore the conjured mental image of Jaskier breaking a horse. “Hm, good to know,” he murmurs and tangled his fingers in Jaskier’s hair as he brings their lips together again.

#the witcher #geraskier #fanfiction #buffskier #prompt #ficlet #this is for YOU ezzie!!#my writing

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