#mental battles

[girl-that-writes]

"maybe that didn't actually happen the way I remember it"

"maybe my memory is just exaggerating it"

"maybe it's not worth getting so upset over"

"maybe it's not as big as I'm making it out to be"

Oh, so gaslighting is okay now all of a sudden because it seems like you're the one doing it to yourself? WRONG!

First of all, it's the mental battles speaking, not you, so don't even try to guilt yourself. You got mentally exhausted and they wrestled the mic from you. That's not your fault.

Secondly, if you felt that way, it happened that way. That's it. No more buts! Shush!

[random-xpressions]

Ask the one in war, what it means to be in peace.

Random Xpressions

[depressinglygay]

Not every day is easy. Sometimes you go into the night bruised and beat but not every individual that comes by you can see these wounds and scars… only a select few can see the battle you fought today and every other day before that. Keep those people around until you find a reason not to anymore.

We have moments of weakness and that’s ok. It’s ok cuz we’re human. We have to process these things whether we want to or not. It’s how we grow and move on… and heal. You may not know exactly who you are today or right this moment but you’ll find out soon. It may not be tomorrow or next week but you will find yourself again.

You can do it. I promise. Because I’m doing it too

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[cultural-derealization]

I hope this reaches you..

[sakurapeachesworld]

Today is a flare up day and the pain is unbearable. Normally it’s just my knees and feet for the most part. But today, I have sharp pains in my upper spine and feel like someone cranked a heating pad too high before tying it to my back.

Stuck in between being frustrated and wanting to sleep vs wanting to angrily curl up with my favorite stuffie since I can’t sleep or flail around about being upset. Insomnia caused by pain is the absolute WORST! Heading down a one way street to a meltdown with my overstimulation being a large contributor.

-GIF does not belong to me

-DO NOT engage with this post if you are NSFW, close minded, non supportive of the content. This is the internet. Just scroll.😑

To all of my other lovely visitors, I hope you have the sweetest of dreams or bestest day ever☺️

[christadeguchi]

"we know how to move our bodies, but i didn't know how to manage my heart, so you need help for this"

hi we need to talk more about judo gold medallist christa deguchi.

[ducktollers]

best friends

[ellsss]

im sorry for not taking part in things y'all have tagged me in. i want to, im just really overstimulated right now and mentally my autistic burnout is making things really difficult

[youre-dreaming-302]

More photos from my digital camera (7.2 megapixels)

[luyo-mi]

🐙❤️

[girl-that-writes]

Mental battles are draining.

"I can't remember what I did yesterday"

They make you forget things.

"Wait, which one is my toothbrush again?"

They confuse you.

"Did I bring in the laundry basket? I guess I forgot. I'll go check... It has been here all this time."

They make you constantly doubt if you completed your tasks or not.

"I've always loved buying books but why is the euphoria fading away?"

They take away the pleasure you used to experience from doing things you love.

"Why am I so sleepy all the time?/ Why can't I sleep after such a day?"

They disturb your sleep, either by making you sleep too much or not letting you sleep at all.

"Why is getting out of bed or making a piece of toast so exhausting?"

They make it so that even small tasks take extra effort and become draining.

"I can't force myself to eat, the sight of food is making me sick/ I am craving so many different things, I'm binge eating"

They reduce your appetite and induce weight loss or do the opposite.

"Why am I having this weird back pain all of a sudden?"

They create unexplained physical problems.

And so much more.

Mental battles are quite draining. So stop attacking yourself for feeling drained.

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

[thementalbattlesofsean]

I don't want to go back on medication, I want to be me, but I'm not happy. I can't do this. I'm an imposter in a job I can't do. I have no decision making ability or specific path, focus or drive. I feel like I have given up a long time ago, I want to care! I want that drive or direction. I feel so fucking miserable, my mind is so disorganized, the problems with my memory mean I can't remember the thought before the last meaning I'm all over the place. Sometimes I think this is so much more than depression and anxiety, that my head just isn't 'wired' as it should be and I don't work in the same way as everyone else. I always feel an outsider. I wish I was happy, I wish I was positive about something. Everything once again is falling apart around me. I want to leave my job, leave my responsibilities and just curl up into a ball. I need purpose.

[myassuter]

"LOST" - An YGO fancomic (read from left to right)

Thank you @paesthethyc for helping me with the translation and giving me feedback to improve the drafts!!

[brokenfrombirth]

🎶 Where were you when everything was falling apart? 🎶