#more nihilistic but powerful

[egharcourt]

You call it therapy I call it uncovering source material for my art

[adraveins]

You will be called liberator.

[succumbingtohandsthatruin]

The Virgin Hayao Miyazaki vs the Chad Hidetaka Miyazaki

[carnival-core]

Sometimes I feel I should filter my thoughts more on here bc the posts I don’t make wanting them to get traction end up being the ones blowing up and I feel it paints a real shit image of me but also like My most popular post opens by making me sound like one of those types that goes “Yoga won’t cure my depression , Karen .” To self help advice posts to probably all the people who read it and sound like I support ocean pollution to a small but particularly vocal “Man builds bird house while Jonbenet Ramsey’s murder is still unsolved” type subset of people who read it so like IDK I don’t think my rep on this site can get Worse

[mostlysignssomeportents]

General Mills and cheaply bought "dietitians" co-opted the anti-diet movement

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in NEXT THURSDAY (Apr 11) in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroehttps://cockeyed.com/lessons/viagra/viagra.html, then PROVIDENCE, RI (Apr 12), and beyond!

Steve Bannon isn't wrong: for his brand of nihilistic politics to win, all he has to do is "flood the zone with shit," demoralizing people to the point where they no longer even try to learn the truth.

This is really just a more refined, more potent version of the tactical doubt sown by Big Tobacco about whether smoking caused cancer, a playbook later adopted by the fossil fuel industry to sell climate denial. You know Darrell Huff's 1954 classic How To Lie With Statistics? Huff was a Big Tobacco shill (his next book, which wasn't ever published, was How To Lie With Cancer Statistics). His mission wasn't to help you spot statistical malpractice – an actual thing that is an actual problem that you should actually learn to spot. It was to turn you into a nihilist who didn't believe anything could be known:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/04/how-to-truth/#harford

Corporations don't need you to believe that their products are beneficial or even non-harmful. They just need you to believe nothing. If you don't know what's true, then why not just do whatever feels good, man? #YOLO!

These bannonfloods of shit are a favored tactic of strongmen and dictators. Their grip on power doesn't depend on their citizens trusting them – it's enough that they trust no one:

http://jonathanstray.com/networked-propaganda-and-counter-propaganda

Bannonflooding is especially beloved of the food industry. Food is essential, monopolized, and incredibly complicated, and many of the most profitable strategies for growing, processing and preparing food are very bad for the people who eat that food. Rather than sacrificing profits, the food industry floods the zone with shit, making it impossible to know what's true, in hopes that we will just eat whatever they're serving:

https://journals.plos.org/plosbiology/article?id=10.1371/journal.pbio.2003460

Now, the "nothing can be known" gambit only works if it's really hard to get at the truth. So it helps that nutrition and diet are very complex subjects, but it helps even more that the nutrition and diet industry are a cesspool of quacks and junk science. This is a "scientific discipline" whose prestigious annual meetings are sponsored (and catered) by McDonald's:

https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2014/05/my-trip-mcdonalds-sponsored-nutritionist-convention/

It's a "science" whose most prominent pitchmen peddle quack nostrums and sue the critics who point out (correctly) that eating foods high in chlorophyll will not "oxygenate your blood" (hint, chlorophyll only makes oxygen in the presence of light, which is notably lacking in your colon):

https://www.badscience.net/2007/02/ms-gillian-mckeith-banned-from-calling-herself-a-doctor/

When the quack-heavy world of nutrition combines with the socially stigmatized world of weight-loss, you get a zone ripe for shitflooding. The majority of Americans are "overweight" (according to a definition that relies on the unscientific idea of BMI) and nearly half of Americans are "obese." These numbers have been climbing steadily since the 1970s, and every diet turns out to be basically bullshit:

https://headgum.com/factually-with-adam-conover/what-does-ozepmic-actually-do-with-dr-dhruv-khullar

Notwithstanding the new blockbuster post-Ozempic drugs, we're been through an unbroken 50-year run of more and more of us being fatter and fatter, even as fat stigma increased. Fat people are treated as weak-willed and fundamentally unhealthy, while the most prominent health-risks of being fat are roundly neglected: the mental health effects of being shamed, and the physical risks of having doctors ignore your health complaints, no matter how serious they sound, and blame them on your weight:

https://maintenancephase.buzzsprout.com/1411126/11968083-glorifying-obesity-and-other-myths-about-fat-people

Fat people and their allies have banded together to address these real, urgent harms. The "body acceptance" movement isn't merely about feeling good in your own skin: it's also about fighting discrimination, demanding medical care (beyond "lose some weight") and warning people away from getting on the diet treadmill, which can lead to dangerous eating disorders and permanent weight gain:

https://www.beacon.org/You-Just-Need-to-Lose-Weight-P1853.aspx

Fat stigma is real. The mental health risks of fat-shaming are real. Eating disorders are real. Discrimination against fat people is real. The fact that these things are real doesn't mean that the food industry can't flood the zone with shit, though. On the contrary: the urgency of these issues, combined with the poor regulation of dietitians, makes the "what should you eat" zone perfect for flooding with endless quantities of highly profitable shit.

Perhaps you've gotten some of this shit on you. Have you found yourself watching a video from a dietitian influencer like Cara Harbstreet, Colleen Christensen or Lauren Smith, promoting "health at any size" with hashtags like #DerailTheShame and #AntiDiet? These were paid campaigns sponsored by General Mills, Pepsi, and other multinational, multibillion-dollar corporations.

Writing for The Examination, Sasha Chavkin, Anjali Tsui, Caitlin Gilbert and Anahad O'Connor describe the way that some of the world's largest and most profitable corporations have hijacked a movement where fat people and their allies fight stigma and shame and used it to peddle the lie that their heavily processed, high-calorie food is good for you:

https://www.theexamination.org/articles/as-obesity-rises-big-food-and-dietitians-push-anti-diet-advice

It's a surreal tale. They describe a speech by Amy Cohn, General Mills’ senior manager for nutrition, to an audience at a dietitian's conference, where Cohn "denounced the media for 'pointing the finger at processed foods' and making consumers feel ashamed of their choices." This is some next-level nihilism: rather than railing against the harmful stigma against fat people, Cohn wants us to fight the stigma against Cocoa Puffs.

This message isn't confined to industry conferences. Dietitians with large Tiktok followings like Cara Harbstreet then carry the message out to the public. In Harbstreet's video promoting Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cocoa Puffs and Trix, she says, "I will always advocate for fearlessly nourishing meals, including cereal…Because everyone deserves to enjoy food without judgment, especially kids":

https://www.tiktok.com/@streetsmart.rd/video/7298403730989436206

Dietitians, nutritionists and the food industry have always had an uncomfortably close relationship, but the industry's shitflooding kicked into high gear when the FDA proposed rules limiting which foods the industry can promote as "healthy." General Mills, Kelloggs and Post have threatened a First Amendment suit against such a regulation, arguing that they have a free speech right to describe manifestly unhealthy food as "healthy."

The anti-diet movement – again, a legitimate movement aimed at fighting the dangerous junk science behind dieting – has been co-opted by the food industry, who are paying dietitian influencers to say things like "all foods have value" while brandishing packages of Twix and Reese's. In their Examination article, the authors profile people who struggled with their weight, then, after encountering the food industry's paid disinformation, believed that "healthy at any size" meant that it would be unhealthy to avoid highly processed, high calorie food. These people gained large amounts of weight, and found their lives constrained and their health severely compromised.

I've been overweight all my life. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting when I was 12. I come from a family of overweight people with the chronic illnesses often associated with being fat. This is a subject that's always on my mind. I even wrote a whole novel about the promise and peril of a weight-loss miracle:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781429969284/makers

I think the anti-diet movement, and its associated ideas like body acceptance and healthy at every size, are enormously positive developments and hugely important. It's because I value these ideas that I'm so disgusted with Big Food and its cynical decision to flood the zone with shit. It's also why I'm so furious with dietitians and nutritionists for failing to self-regulate and become a real profession, the kind that censures and denounces quacks and shills.

I have complicated feelings about Ozempic and its successors, but even if these prove to be effective and safe in the long term, and even if we rein in the rapacious pharma companies so that they no longer sell a $5 product for $1000, I would still want dietary science to clean up its act:

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2816824

I'm not a nihilist. I think we can use science to discover truths – about ourselves and our world. I want to know those truths, and I think they can be known. The only people who benefit from convincing you that the truth is unknowable are the people who want to lie to you.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/05/corrupt-for-cocoa-puffs/#flood-the-zone-with-shit

[to-mah-to27]

Headcanon that Saiki Kusuo collects people with honest intentions.

This might be less of a headcanon and more of just a dissection of the series, but every time Saiki talks about people in general, it's always nihilistic and defeatist.

He doesn't like weddings because of hearing the guest's thoughts and how it directly opposes what they are saying.

He doesn't like Christmas because of how people are always thinking about themselves and what they want rather than about giving and being grateful, which is against the very spirit of the holiday.

Basically, people's thoughts show a darker and more egotistical side of humanity, and overexposure to this has added to the already mountainous problem of Saiki distancing himself from everyone and everything.

Almost every time a new character is introduced, Saiki treats them in this same way, expecting them to be secretly self-absorbed and immoral. But by the end of the short, they prove to be otherwise.

-That's- when Saiki goes all Tsundere and "well I guess I'd rather not owe him a favor or anything" and uses his powers to help them.

Saiki -does- hate Nendou. Until Nendou jumps in to stop him from getting mugged by two other students. Saiki knows he has been nothing but cold and dismissive to this guy, and yet while getting the shit kicked out of him for getting involved, all Nendou does and give him a thumbs up and tell him to run.

Saiki hates Kaidou, too. Sees him as another outcast trying to become friends with him on the principle that they are both alone. Until Kaidou actually jumps in front of the other student to save her from getting attacked by a snake. Kaidou is terrified, yes, and panics and thinks "Why did I do that?" but he still did it. He risked bodily harm and infection to save someone else and -that- is what heroes actually are.

Saiki doesn't necessarily hate Hairo, but he does admit they aren't the type of people who would get along. But then Hairo goes as far as to scrape his knee for Saiki, even if it was to keep him in a game he doesn't really want to play. He recognizes Hairo is someone who sticks to his morals, and he respects that.

Teruhashi took a bit longer, especially because at first she really was the type of person who says something the opposite of what they think. Their relationship is a little more complicated, I think and I've already talked about it before, but I do think that it was when she committed so hard to her appearance that she was willing to eat that "ramen" from the place Nendou showed them. Actions speak much louder than words, as Saiki as a character is a very good example of. At a certain point, is it really a facade if she is willing to go that far?

Basically, Saiki has a soft spot for people who are honest and true.

He can't force himself to really truly push them away like he could do if he really wanted to. Because that's so rare in the world to find a person like that, at least for him, and so it is very difficult to force them out of his life when he knows they are only trying to help.

At least that's how it starts.

I can do another post about the rest of the characters if y'all want

[dotster001]

Hello, I really enjoy your writing and I hope you have a nice day! Could I request housewardens + Floyd reacting to knowing Yuu/MC who they know as chaotic, problem seeking, lazy, and just overall a terrible student (with a nice heart tho) used to be at the top of their school, and was the teacher's pet? They had a lot of pressure to never have fun because it could ruin their future, but now they don't have a future, or a reputation, and they won't be great at any subjects anyway (since it's not their world and they are magicless) so they just decided to be a force of chaos, they can't be #1? Then why even try?

Sorry if it's long:( if you decide to do it, thank you very much (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

A/N: was this a call out post? Yes. Yes it was. 😂

3k followers Masterlist

Before he finds out about your past, he's just annoyed. So lazy! You need to at least pretend you care about school! You're no better than ADeuce! Be a better example, prefect.

After he finds out…oh God…that's him isn't it! He's always been top of his class! He's always had outside pressure to be the best! He's got a lifetime of repressed emotions whirling inside of him! 

He's having a complete mental breakdown, spiraling a little bit, and, unfortunately, you're going to have to calm him down. Hopefully, you're stable darling! Cause one of you has to be! 

That's one way to go through life. He chooses to nap his life away, but if you wanna be a chaos gremlin, power to ya!

He says that, but he wants you to be less of a chaos gremlin, and more of a body pillow. Chaos gremlin ex gifted children, and depression ex gifted children get on like oil and water. *Sighs* you really make him work, don't you?

That said…he'll recruit Svanannaclaw lackies to your cause. And he'll find your lifestyle. You can cause as much chaos, and be as lazy as you want. All he wants in return is for you to return to his arms when you are done.

And hey, maybe he can be your new purpose- No! He didn't say anything! Sevens, your herbivore ears are so faulty, what is he gonna do with you?

He thinks you're another Floyd at first. The high levels of energy, followed by the drops, he's used to dealing with it.

But once he gets your origin story, he's going to make you an offer. Help him with his restaurants. He'll feed, clothe, and house you. All you have to do is say yes.

You can still be chaotic. You can still have your drops. But at least now you'll have a place to focus your energy. It's not much, but, in his opinion, it's a deal you can't walk away from. Please don't walk away from it. You'll hurt his feelings 😢

You're so cool!!!!! You let him party whenever he wants!!!! And you have so many great ideas, like baking 97 cupcakes at three in the morning!

Maybe Jamil brought it up because he cared, maybe it's because he's tired of having to keep up with two gremlins it's definitely the latter but eventually he brings up that, hey, you seem a bit nihilistic. Explains what that is to Kelim, and now Kalim makes sure to spend double the time with you! Usually doing chaos stuff much to Jamil's chagrin

He won't bring it up with you, but his theory is that if he can become a reason for continuing on, of he can be part of your purpose, maybe things will be okay!

Ah Vil. A high achiever, who, like Riddle, is very distressed that you are clearly wasting your capabilities.

But let's say you have a breakdown. And during that breakdown you spill the tale of your life. He's gonna place his hands on your shoulders. Then aggressively shake you.

Pull yourself together! Do you want him to give you the pressure you had from before? Because he will if he has to! But he knows you don't want that, so snap yourself out of it and act like the Queen he knows you are! You have him, and a whole life ahead of you! He can help you find a purpose for your life! Now stop crying and drink your smoothie!

It might take a while for Idia to notice. Cause, well, he's sort of in the same boat as you. And noticing means he has to notice his own lifestyle choices...and...well...he doesn't want to do that.

So you both will live in innocent bliss as you game together, and nap together, and raid the pantry together at two in the morning, and skip classes together.

Once Ortho bursts the bubble, both of you will probably be placed in therapy. Good luck!

You amuse him to no end. And you speak to him like a normal person. You pull him along on adventures. Honestly? He has no desire to dig into your reasons for it. In fact, deep down he knows you're probably going through something, but he'd rather not know.

Which is why when Lilia tells him to dig into it, he pouts like a kid who was told to clean his room. Might even kick a rock around about it. He really looks like a pouting child.

But once he gets your life story, he'll perk up a bit. You want a purpose? He can give you one! Himself…I mean have you considered working in the libraries of the valley of thorns? It would give you uninhibited access to information about this world. Plus, you would still have the time to be lazy and fuck around if you wanted since he's really the only one who visits the library… oh, which library? His private one. Why do you ask?

Floyd won't help you. He will only enable you. He loves chaotic Shrimpy! He also loves that Shrimpy sometimes just wants to nap! You're perfect! His soulmate!

Nope, nope, nope, shrimpy is just like that, no need to ask questions!

Stop, stop, stop! That's how Shrimpy is! Don't ask about their past! Don't question their motives! Don't "help" them! They're fine!

[thoughtsandfiction]

"God?! Are we looking for God, Claudia??!"

Louis belittles Claudia out of pettiness and anger, but the statement has a biting edge to it because, for all his protestations, Louis has his dark "God." Lestat's entry into Louis's life is almost biblical. (He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters........the LORD supported me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.- Psalm 18:16-18). Louis (freely??) turned away from his life and gave it to the higher power of vampirism and immortal love. Lestat gave him a doctrine to live by-that he fell short of- and that provided the questions, struggles, and shames of his new existence. He has betrayed "god" through his acts, but "god" has not abandoned him. The covenant made in that burning bloody church remains ("Be my companion Louis...For all eternity"). For now, it must be upheld in the spirit until the flesh returns.

“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."- Deuteronomy 31:8

Hallucistat/Dreamstat is Louis's guilt, his love, his self-hate, but he is also Louis's faith. He is keeping the covenant. We know that his nihilistic declaration that "Nobody's watching, Nobody cares," is a lie. We know that ,in his mind, Lestat cares. Lestat is watching, Lestat is passing judgement, and Lestat is awaiting the moment of Louis's happiness to strike down with righteous vengeance. Louis awaits the moment of his resurrection with fear, but he knows it's coming. For even dark gods must return to their faithful.

Watching Claudia light up as Daciana describes the future they could have, the hope as the dream is painted for her, the jaded woman we've been watching throughout the episode disappears and she's like a child again, which makes the heartbreak that follows so much more devastating. When Louis makes his impassioned speech of commitment, that child is who hears it. Romania has broken her down and brought her to a place where she has to allow herself to trust him again, to let him be enough because he's all she has. Likely, all she'll ever have. And some part of him pities her for that because she's trusting in a lie. It will never be just her and him, him and her. She will never be enough. Louis has 'god', and his 'god' is ever present.

Image Source: @samchilles on Twitter/X

[shewrites02]

Forgive Me if I break You | Zoro x Reader | Part II

Part I

Trigger warnings: Domestic assault, Alcohol, verbal abuse , physical abuse, graphic depictions of violence. THIS FIC CONTAINS DARK CONTENT ! MINORS DNI !

*THERE IS A GRAPHIC DEPECTION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE FIRST FLASHBACK, IF NOT COMFORTABLE PLEASE SKIP. (the last line is the most important anyway)*

A/N: Thank you for all the support I've gotten at the start of this series, I was so nervous no one would be interested lol. I hope this part lives up to your expectations.

Request: Open

Word count: 5K

Leave a comment if you enjoy :)

The cold of the ice pack stings against your cheek, almost as much as the insults lodged in your throat with nowhere to go. Harshly, you swallow them down, having to reacclimate to the taste of stifled feelings. Almost completely forgotten in those two months.

You're in your shared bedroom, sitting in Lee's lap. Your head lays against his chest. With how tenderly he stroked your hair, you're almost able to imagine care in his touch. Pretend it is the swordsman who caresses you so tenderly. Lee places a soft kiss to your cheek, laying his head against yours.

"I'm sorry, y/n ... I didn't mean to lose my temper." He coos. In the past six months he never came up with any other excuse. Always an apology then an explanation of why it was your fault.

"It's jus’- you embarrassed me in front of our guests, interrupting me like that. You know I hate when you do that- and that fucking swordsman clearly has feelings for you."

Lee is almost completely lost in his rambling, and you think for a moment you will get relief from this puppet show he has forced you into. But the mention of Zoro has you going stiff.

"It's disgusting. a lowlife pirate thinking he can have what is mine. I forbid you from seeing him, do you understand?"

"Yes dear." you respond.

As if the swordsman wanted anything to do with you now. Not after what you've done to him- not after he has seen how pathetic you are. The future world's best swordsman deserves more than someone like you.

"I'm so glad you're home." Lee pivots. "I can't believe I thought you left me-"

Lee lets out a chuckle as though the thought is inconceivable. In spite of your rigidness, the chief takes a deep breath to relax into the headboard. Each chuckle that leaves his mouth tightens your shackles. Reaffirming what you already know- you aren't going anywhere.

"Is that what happened to the countryside?"  You ask meekly. Fearful of the answer, but so desperate for the truth.  "Did you burn the lemon grove to punish me?"

"... Yes."

Tears swell in your eyes as you pull away to look at the merciless man in front of you. A man who would bathe in your blood with no remorse. So desperate for your obedience he is willing to strip the last memories of your mother away from you as punishment . Did not need proof of your transgressions, his outrage evidence enough to justify his actions.

The chief uses the edge of his thumb to swipe the shallow tears brimming in your eyes.

"We can replant all of them my love, even more, now that you are home. "He lets his thumb sweep over your cheek and lips before he draws away.

Still he wears no semblance of remorse. No guilt or shame for what he's done. For the villagers - his people- homes destroyed in the crossfire of his rage. Couldn't care less about the massive amounts of  nature he burned to ash in the name of revenge. Their  forfeiture was a consequence of your decision to act so selfishly.  It was all your fault-

Why should the chief feel apologetic?

"And the villagers?"

Lee leans in to gently place another kiss to your cheek. As though his kisses can ease the pain of his strikes. Something in you wants to believe he is trying to soothe the pain he inflicted on you. The more nihilistic part of you knows you are only searching for the swordsman's affection in Lee 's actions.  Actions that only encompass power and control, that force obedience. Lee rests his forehead head against your head so that his lips are centimeters away from your ear.

"I told you, what I would do if you left- I thought you called my bluff, honey …" 

Your mouth went dry at the sight. How- You thought- there was no time to waste musing through all the precautions you  thought you followed. Not when your husband stood in front of you disproving their effectiveness.

"What is this?" He asked, pointing over to the bed.

There is an empty duffle bag clutched tight in his left hand- your duffle bag. Its contents scattered on the bed sporadically. A couple thousand berry, a map, exactly two changes of clothes, and a log pose. Everything you needed for a seamless departure.

"I- don't know how it- I-" You were too caught off guard to lie, too unprepared to conjure up an excuse on the fly. Instead you stood fumbling like an idiot trying to figure out how Lee could have possibly just stumbled upon your stash.

"What is it?!" The chief shouted, this time throwing the duffle bag so that it landed at your feet. Before you could answer, he was already stalking toward you. Soon his hands were wrapped around your jaw, squeezing your cheeks. You'd wince in pain if the man had allowed you any wiggle room. 

"Were you trying to leave me?" he growls.

"No-" you tried to muffle through your clenched jaw. the word only coming out as a strained cry.

He looked unconvinced. That darkness you're too familiar with started to fill his eyes. It made you begin to question what in you was so naïve enough to think you could escape. Lee moves his hand from your cheek to wrap his arm firmly around your waist. His opposite arm wrapped around your shoulders.

"You want to leave me?" He snarled.

Your head shook ‘no’ so vigorously you almost forgot it was a lie. Just trying to appease the chief,  to be spared from his wrath. It did not work. Lee was already starting to walk backward , dragging your body along easily despite your protests. This time you were sure.

He was going to kill you.

Lee easily kicked open the French doors leading to the balcony. Your kicking and screaming, posing as no defense against your husband. He drags you, until your torso is pressed against the balcony railing and he is forcing your head over to look at the drop.

"This is your only way out. If you want to leave me tell me now and I'll throw you over myself.... Say it!"

"I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave." The words repeated from your mouth like an incantation. Barely made out through your cries.

It was enough to make the chief release you, letting your limp body fall to the concrete. He stared down at you with a satisfactory smile before bending at the knees. The gentleness in his touch as he swept the hair out your face is always a precursor to his cruel threats.

"I'll burn this whole village to the  ground if you try to leave again. Do you understand me?" He snarls. "Slowly, one by one I will burn every region until you return to me. I will force you to watch everyone, everything , burn because you decided to be fucking selfish." 

Another kiss is planted to your cheek  before the whisper of Lee's voice commands your attention back to him. A shiver of a sigh escaping your lips at the painful memory.

"I can rebuild their homes... would you like that?"

You nod, letting the tears stream your face. You can feel Lee's smirk against your skin when he kisses the streaks. As though he is giving his approval of your reaction, your emotion.  The whites of his fingers dig into your waist to hold you close.  His grip does not lessen when you start to sob.

This is how he loved you. Broken. Tattered. Hopeless. An ode to his power, to how much he controlled you.

"Okay, Honey, first thing in the morning."

-

Water trickles down your chin and onto the sink. You had washed your face six times trying to get the feeling of Lee's hands off you. A futile attempt. His touch would be seared onto you forever.

You trace your cheek while staring into the vanity. There's some relief in not seeing a mark. Probably have your hiatus to thank for Lee's sudden mercy on you. At least you won't be subjected to questions. Trying to conjure up on the spot cover ups come morning, as to not incriminate your husband.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth. You would sob if you weren't so convinced you deserved this. The stinging of your face, the burning of your throat, the stabbing feeling in your chest. This must all be just a fraction of what you imposed on Zoro. The guilt in you leaves little room for other emotions, especially self pity.

How dare you believe a life waited for you beyond these cities' walls. Stupid, stupid, stupid- Foolishly thinking you could escape the future both your father and husband have mapped for you.

You curse the two month departure for giving you a glimpse of how good freedom could feel. For bringing the swordsman into your life when he is so undeserving of the burden you pose. For finally giving you hope just to later rub it in your  face.

"Lady Misatori." A small voice quips from the other side of the bathroom door. A knock follows to further force your attention.

A housekeeper stands on the other side. She can barely meet your eyes. A piece of notebook paper is folded into a tight square in her fingers , she is extending it out for you to grab. It trembles in her hands, giving way to the anxiety she is failing to hide.

"Thank you." You mutter. The maid looks relieved to hear her question-free dismissal.

When you open up the note you immediately recognize the handwriting. Had seen scribbled recipes written on loose leaf paper, and napkins enough to note it as Sanji's.

'Mosshead wants to talk- garden 10 minutes .'

The woman's trembling is finally put into perspective. Fearful of what her role in sneaking around the chief could mean for her. Briefly you wonder what the cook could've said to convince the woman to do this. Had his charm really been strong enough to get the woman to forgo all her senses? Part of you wishes to relish seeing Sanji's flirting finally meet with intrigue, but the insistent need to lay eyes on Zoro replaces the thought.

It has you stumbling out of the bathroom as quickly as you could. Forever grateful that in all his control Lee had found it fitting to give you a private bathroom.

-

It is dark, and wet. Leaves crunch and crumble beneath your feet as you walk the maze-like garden. The unpaved path is bordered with mountainous rose bushes that block your view of any direction, but front and back. The red flowers bloom so fruitfully they encroach your space on the pathway. The weather has gotten considerably cooler in the night, forcing you to pull your cardigan tighter around your shoulders. Regretting that the rush had made you grab the first thing with sleeves you saw.

A sigh leaves your lips exhaustedly. Surely the cook was mistaken. There was no sign of the swordsman anywhere. Maybe he had changed his mind about wanting to talk. Decided the risk isn't worth the reward. That you aren't worth the breath-

You hit an intersection on the path, and before you have the opportunity to turn left, there is a tight grasp around your arm. The force pulls you back, nestling you into the bushes behind you as you still. Once you gain your composure and are able to open your eyes, you’re met with the swordsman.

His left hand is wrapped firmly around your right arm, his other rest in the bush beside your head. Zoro has you caged. Trapped with nowhere to run. No place to hide. No escape.

"Husband?" He fumed. "Have you just been fucking around with me?"

"Zoro..." You plead, reaching out to grasp his cheek. He does not let you. Releases his hold on you to take a step back before your fingers land on him. The look on his face seethes of betrayal.

"Answer me!" The pirate barks. You flinch at the tone of his words, your eyes shutting closed. It takes a minute to gather yourself. You have never heard Zoro's voice void of any affection.

You swallow your own tears . Shove down your discomfort to accept accountability for your actions. Even if all you want to do is hold the swordsman once more. Hear his heart thump in his chest. Hear him say he loves you.

"I should have told you. I am so sorry I hurt you Zoro. "

The pirate scoffs, clearly not satisfied with your answer. He is shaking his head in disbelief, eyes burrowing into yours.

"You lied to me. You told me you loved m-"

"I Promise Zoro, I love you. I love you so much. so much." You beseech. 

The swordsman seems even more tortured by your testament. His hands find his skull to dig his fingers into his scalp. As if trying to ground himself for only a moment at the reeling thoughts.

"Does he know that? That you love me, that you're mine?"

When you don't answer the frustration builds in the swordsman. He lets out a pained laugh that morphs into more of a choke. His expression is filled with disbelief. 

"You're not mine." He speaks as if he is speaking to himself. "You're his."

"That is who you want to spend the rest of your life with? He talks to you like shit- the dirt beneath his shoes and you smile through the whole thing. The man who thinks you're his accessory- That is the man you love?"

Zoro badgers you. Moving his tongue as piercingly swift as you're sure, he can wield his swords. 

"I do not love that man." You choke.

"Then why?" The swordsman shouts. His exclamation wakes the small birds that have chosen the garden as their resting place. The sounds of their wings flapping away from the conflict fills the air. "Y/n ... why are you doing this to me?"

There is a frailness to his voice you don't recognize. Something so breakable about the way he utters your name. In the two months you had spent with Zoro you had never seen him show this much emotion.

"Zoro, if I could stay on the beach with you forever... I would. But I can't. I have people who need me-"

"I need you!" He professes, throwing his arms in the air. 

The way that Zoro bares his scars to you , when you could not do the same in return physically pains you. You force down the tears that dare to surface at his confession. Who were you to be hurt in a situation you hand crafted? To cry in the presence of a man who held his broken heart in his hands with hopes, you would fix it.

There's an immense sadness in your restraint, how you're able to still your body though every bone in you wants to wrap around him.  Reciprocate all the comfort Zoro so willingly gives to you. But this is not the beach-

"I'm so sorry Zoro. I'm so sorry." Your eyes shift to the ground. The tears are so much harder to fight off when you can see the confusion under his saddened expression.

Zoro cups your cheeks in his hands and for a fleeting moment there is no anger. There are only kisses shared under the stars, gasps fallen onto the sand, words of endearment lost to the wind. Love. For a second Zoro stares at you and there is only love.

"I don't want apologizes- " There's a shake in his breath. " I want you to tell me why I have to watch another man touch you.  Why he gets to hold you tonight instead of me. Tell me why you keep saying you love me, but you're going home to another man. Tell me the fucking truth!"

Even in his anger you can hear the worry in the pirate's voice. It takes you by surprise. Maybe malice hasn't taken up the space of affection in Zoro's heart after all. Maybe in all his poking and prodding Lee had only brought concern out of the first mate. The sweet sentiment physically aches. You turn your head, breaking free from his grasp.

"Leave Zoro- take your crewmates and go. I'm only going to hurt you if you stay, so please- go."

"... Is he why you need the sun to feel free?"

You're caught off guard by the swordsman's questions. Don't expect to hear your words echoed from his mouth. "Free". You could almost laugh hearing the word now. Freedom? What did you know about freedom? Always a pawn for someone else's will, your own desires to be placed on a shelf and expectantly forgotten.  This castle has always been your prison.

"I'll make sure you'd feel the sun everyday. I will drag it out the sky and place it in your hands if it will make you smile. I'll never trap you. I love you. Please- don't leave me." He begs.

Your body is moving on its own again, this time manipulated by the voice of the swordsman. Unsure of what has come over you, you're reaching out for Zoro, pulling him in closer. You know that you shouldn't. Especially not here and not now. But it does not stop you from standing on your tiptoes to press your lips into his.

The intention was for a quick kiss, just one last time to feel Zoro's lips on yours, but it's difficult not to savor the moment. To not search for another life, one where you could be together, in his mouth. The same desperation is displayed in the way Zoro grasps you. Tight. One hand tangled in your hair while the other on your waist. As if he could hold you tight enough to stay. He groans in displeasure why you finally pull away from him.

"Go Zoro. I'm only going to break you."

-

The sun has risen just enough to illuminate the desolate field. The early morning is still shying away from pushing out the darkness of night completely. You woke early enough to see Lee still had not returned home. Off doing something you are sure, is none of your business. 

You took the opportunity to sneak out to what used to be the lemon grove. Tears stream your face while you wonder what pushed you out here. What exactly it is that you're hoping to find amongst the ash.

The memories of your mother you can't get back? Pieces of the wooden swing you used to sit on in the summer? Evidence it was truly necessary to leave the swordsman in your past?

It's hard to focus on all you've lost when staring at the pile of rubble that is the villagers' homes. Their whole lives destroyed at a whim. You did this to them. Had you stayed home and behaved no one, not even the swordsman, would be in this situation.

"Wanna tell me what you're looking for?"

The whisper behind you sounds so familiar. There is a part of you that does not want to turn around, thinks it's better off not knowing who the voice belongs to. A bigger part of you itches with a need to know.

"Zoro."

"Maybe I can help you find it." There's a crooked smirk on his lips.

It's involuntary, the way your heart is instantly soothed at his arrival. Something it must have learned on its own while on the beach. You have to fight not to jump into his arms. Draw him into you with the wish to feel his lips again. 

" I thought I told you to leave..." you mutter.

"You did." The pirate agrees. Zoro moves from behind you, so you no longer have to crane your neck to look at him. He reaches to take your hand in his. His thumb traces the back of your hand, his touch so soft you almost don't feel it.  

"You're still here."

"You may have authority in this village, but the only person I take orders from is Luffy." He lets out a laugh.

The sound forces your brows to furrow to the center of your face. Where was his anger? His disappointment? Why wasn't he yelling at you? The last conversation you had with the swordsman had not gone the best. This warm welcome is the farthest reception you expected to receive.

"What?" He asks, reaching out to smooth the wrinkles your frown causes. You're surprised at the way you flinch when his fingertips touch your forehead, a reaction you hadn't had in at least a month.

Had it really only taken one night with Lee to erase all your expectations of being lovingly touched?

You can see Zoro's happy exterior waiver for just a moment at your knee jerk reaction. Still he does not draw away his fingers. Just trails them down so he can stroke your cheek. Still offering you a kind smile.

"Stop Zo..."  You're taking a step away before you can give into him. Pulling your hand away to further the distance.  "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see the lemon grove..." He uses the tip of his boot to kick at a burned shingle on the ground. "So much for that."

"Oh? You made it here all on your own?" In spite of your sorrows you laugh. "You didn't get lost?"

Zoro glares at you, his eyebrows raised to his temples. You suspect he hadn't expected you to join in on his light heartedness.

"I had to ask someone in the town square..." He sheepishly admits drawing an even more obnoxious laugh for your throat.

"Why were you looking for the lemon grove?"

"You don't remember?" He asks.

Even in your best memories of the beach, you never liked sand. The way it intrusively stuck to you, creeping its way into every nook and cranny made your skin crawl, but this beach was the expectation. You loved everything about this beach.

"Tell me something else." Zoro requests. His voice was softer than before- meeker after your supposed rejection.

You were still wrapped firmly in the swordsman arms, your head on his chest. Zoro's head had returned to rest on top of yours. A brisk breeze forced you closer to Zoro in search of warmth, the thin blanket almost whisked away at the gust. The sight drew a laugh from the pirate.

"Where would you be right now if you were home?"

The only location you could definitely think of was underneath the chief's thumb, but that surely couldn't be the answer the swordsman was looking for. It was hard to think of places in your village that still brought you joy. Places that hadn't been corrupted in the transition of power from your father to Lee.

"The lemon grove." You blurted out the second it came to you. There was a cheesy grin on your face while you reminisced. A grin that is met with a full blown smile from Zoro once he sees your joy. He leaned down to plant  a kiss to your cheek, then your jaw.

"Yeah? Why is that your favorite place?" His breath brushed against your neck.

"My mom used to take me there, and we would have picnics in the summer. There's this huge swing we'd sit on. It's my favorite place in the whole world."

"All that you've seen of it?" Zoro jokes. He caught your wrist when you went to slap his chest. Bringing your hands to his lips to kiss your knuckles. He rubbed his finger back and forth over yours after planting one last kiss to your cheek.

"Maybe you can show it to me? When we get you home?"

Lee had never in the six months you'd been married bothered to visit the lemon grove. Just knew it was a sacred space for you , a memento to your mother. This was the first time you're grateful for that. That in the chief's vast kingdom there could still be a place that could be just Zoro and yours.

"I would love that Zo."

You smiled before craning your neck to plant a kiss on his lips.

"I wanted to see your favorite place." Zoro admits once he sees you remember. "I thought it might give me some insight." 

"Insight?" You parrot in confusion. 

"You're hiding something from me." Zoro states plainly, drawing your eyes to him.

"You found out I'm married, what else can I be hiding Zoro?" Your voice trembles with exhaustion.

The swordsman narrows his eyes as he looks you over. That fury, and fire previously seen in the garden is long gone . All that remains is this inquisitive stare.

"I don't know, but you are... I wish you would let me help you."

"Help me-" There is a feigned smile painted on your lips. How could a pirate of the new world be so... heartening. Surely the horrors he has seen, far exceed the small misfortunes of your life.

"Zoro. I already told you to go. "

"If you looked at me and told me you didn't mean any of it I would've left. Sailed away and tried for the rest of my life never to think of you again, but you didn't. You told me you love me-"

"I do."

Zoro plops down onto the ash filled ground. He crosses his arms against his chest, and stares out at the rubble.

"Then I'm not leaving. Until you tell me what's going on, what's actually happening, I'm not going anywhere."

The way your heart swells at his proclamation is treacherous. Allowing yourself to be swooned by actions that could very well get the both of you executed. You almost think it's sweet, if it wasn't so stupid.

"Why do you care? Zoro I hurt you, why are you still chasing me?"

"... because I meant it when I said I love you. And I know you meant it too."

"You deserve someone better than me Zoro. Someone who won't hold you back, someone who won't hurt you, someone worthy of standing next to the world's strongest swordsman."

"I don't care what you think I deserve. That's not a decision for you to make." Zoro snaps.

"Zoro... " You sigh exasperatedly at his rebuttal. "Do you really think I won't hold you back? That you will still become the world's strongest swordsman if I'm standing next to you?"

"I don't think I will become the world's strongest swordsman if you aren't standing next to me." 

There's a sharp breath forced into your lungs at his confession. How could he say that with such certainty. It has only been two months. The two of you should be able to forget each other. Move on as if none of this happened- but Zoro stands before you stating he doesn't know if his dream will come true without you. A dream he has been chasing his entire life. A dream you've only come privy to in the last 60 days. 

"Tell me you don't love me- I'll go. If you look me in my eyes right now and say it, I'll leave." He challenges.

You search for the words on your tongue, though you cannot find them. No parts of you willing, or wanting to lie to the swordsman.

"I can't."

-

Zoro has kept his promise. The strawhat crew joining you and your husband for breakfast, lunch, and now dinner going on the third day in a row. You wonder what the pirate is waiting for? A confession? An outcry for help? Don't know what actions would be satisfactory enough to get him to sail away.

In all of those days Zoro has sat in that same seat, to the right of you at every meal. Some meals he would lightly brush his knees back and forth against yours. At others he would 'accidentally' knock his napkin off the table so he could pinch your thighs. In spite of your best efforts to forget the swordsman exists, he seems all too insistent on making his presence known.

"So Luffy, when do you think you and your crew will be leaving?" Lee asks. His voice does well to mask the irritation you can pin in the twitch of his eye. "We'd love to send you all off with a ball."

You suspect Lee's urging of the Strawhats' departure correlates to his growing  suspicion of the swordsman. The chief may be many things, but naïve has never been one of them. He takes note of the way Zoro's eye never leaves you, regardless of whoever is speaking. How the swordsman just couldn't be bothered to feign interest whenever the chief commands the room. You had spent every one of these past nights disavowing your feelings for the swordsman.

"We're thinking soon- Wednesday at the latest." Nami answers before her captain has the opportunity to. He seems to wear a confused look that is soon dissipated by her scowl. 

Two days.

Although you had trained yourself not to go looking for the swordsman, your eyes immediately fall onto him at the navigator's words. Your concern is met with raised bows, almost a silent challenge from the pirate.

Did he expect you to profess your love there at the dinner table? To look at your husband and gloat in the love you've been able to find? Neither are options being the choice was not yours. Lee has done a great job in ensuring you did not have any choices.

"Oh, I'll get the staff on preparations immediately. We will hold the ball tomorrow." Lee's smile is filled with pleasure.

His wife had returned home, and soon the guests he had been performing for would be on their way. Everything is on the road to being back to normal. Exactly how you remembered it. The thought sends a shiver down your body.

"Maybe y/n can take us to the shop to find a dress?" Robin suggests.

Lee is apprehensive about letting you go. Obvious from the way his smile falters at the archeologists suggestion. But he never could deny a pretty woman. Begrudgingly he agrees.

Part III

************************************************************************

A/N: Part three is in the works , I'm hoping to not go more than a week between chapters, but please don't hold me to that. The ADHD will make me a liar. Thank you to all the beautiful people who care about my work, and have so many kind words.

Tag List: @turtletaubwrites @jinjen @sanzu-clinic @heyauntieeee @honeybuzzzzzz @nothing-but-brass

[kitty-meowskers]

idk but a part of me gets annoyed whenever people compare dr ratio and alhaitham.

like yeah ok... hot buff autistic nerdy men

but their whole ideologies are completelyyy different

would alhaitham ask you to give him a 'stimulating quiz' in his free time and then proceed to design a weapon for the express even though he didnt need to? no.

would dr ratio complain about becoming the (acting) grand sage and lead sumeru? no??

alhaitham is a 'live and let live' kind of guy. he justs wants to chill and have an easy life. like be for real, he's so worried about the akademiya finding out about his true talents and power because he hates the idea of working more. the only reason he's the scribe is because it's easy and it pays well. he's not particularly interested in helping others out unless its beneficial to him or the other really needs it. as kaveh said(i think he did??? idk i dont play genshin anymore), alhaitham is a nihilist

dr ratio on the other hand? he craves being able to fix things. all he wants to do fix things. although yeah he's not gonna do everything for you, he literally said to your face that if somethings bothering you deal with it yourself BUT he did literally go out of his way to scheme that entire thing in his quest to bring the people on the space station to there senses and get them thinking for themselves instead of obsessing over those geniuses. and that whole speech he gave to screwlum after? bro was INVESTED AND INTENSELY PASSIONATE. hes extremely passionate about getting people do use and develop their talents to the best of their ability. hes a fucking doctor who somehow has 52 courses and any of the people who actually make it through all get far in their lives. alhaitham would never put in that effort even with all his talent and ngl dr ratio would hate him for that (maybe not hate but dislike).

Another difference? alhaitham isnt a bitch about what his talents although its easy to assume he is while ratio low key kind of is and since the game itself describes him as 'narcisistic' so i think its pretty safe to assume he acts a bitch and he kind of is one too (cant blame him if i did all he did i would be the same)

[aingeal98]

Btvs is such a crazy show how is there only a handful of episodes acknowledging that Willow and Xander have abusive families and would choose Buffy in a heartbeat over anyone they're blood related to. And yet despite how it's barely seen on screen, their family life and how it influenced them shines through in practically every episode. We never even meet Willow's dad but from her mom alone plus how she's treated in school it's like oh man. This kid never had a chance did she.

How many times did Buffy chat away about her mom and Dawn while Willow and Xander shot each other confused glances trying to correlate the kind of love they're hearing about with their own version that they messily pieced together when they met in kindergarten. And then Buffy talks about Hank Summers and they're like ah yes. Much more familiar territory.

And of course it all culminates in the ending of S6. Xander can't stop Willow spiralling into nihilistic evil. They're both broken people who never had a real blueprint for how to be a functional child, let alone a functional adult. But at the same time, they taught each other love before they learned how to write the word. It doesn't matter that he's kind of shitty in general. It doesn't matter that by this point she's kind of worse. Even if they can't fix themselves or the world that shaped them so cruelly, he can at least love her. She can at least trust that much to always be true.

Platonic hand in unlovable hand. The world is alive because some random guy exists and as long as he's alive the terrifyingly powerful witch who could destroy the planet won't be tempted to. He's just some dude and you don't have to clap for him but if you kill him, well then she's blowing up the building and everyone in it. High possibility the blast radius will take out the whole earth depending on what kind of day you caught her on.

[milkshakestogo]

Yuji stans who spent the last year listening to people say he sucks as an MC are probably feasting right now. Our boy is back! And his number one hater, Sukuna, is big mad.

248 confirms what I've always thought about Sukuna: he's an empty being. He has always been characterized as a hedonist but imo he's much more of a shitty deluded nihilist. There's an innate emptiness inside of him that he has rationalized to be a general meaningless to life, and for as much as he derides others for living for their "ideals," he spends his existence constantly reaffirming his own beliefs. The unshakeable sense of self he is always boasting about is nothing more than a defense mechanism to cope with the fact that he's extremely hollow.

Being trapped inside Yuji's head is the first time he's unable to ignore his own emptiness. He can't brush off Yuji like the meaningless enemies of his past because he's seen Yuji's reason for living. He's witnessed what it's like for life to actually mean something. And that irritates him because it goes against the pitiful belief he's clung to for a thousand years. If there's actually meaning in joy, pain, love, sorrow, friendship...then what the fuck has he been doing all this time?

The odds are extremely low, but I can picture a Hell's Paradise-type ending where Sukuna quite literally gives up. At this point, it's hard to see any way the main cast could actually overpower him, even with the power of teamwork and whatnot. Sukuna's just too OP. He's dropping sorcerers left and right. But I do see him growing bored of the fight and the possible future. And the realization that he has been pathetically clinging to his own ideals could be a character-breaking moment. Because otherwise, he activates the merger, plays around with the super being made from the merger...then what? He'd once again be bored and pass the time until death. And without Kenjaku around, there's no promise for future excitement. A future where Sukuna can't constantly reaffirm his own ideals is probably his own version of hell. Because Sukuna is Yuji's biggest hater, he might just activate the merger as a last fuck you and the final threat to the cast would be whatever eldritch abomination is created from Tengen.

I'm just rambling and I think the chances of this happening are low, but I think I would be satisfied if the story ended this way. Otherwise, Gege would have to pull off a huge big-brain moment for me to believe our cast stands a chance.

[qqueenofhades]

I also think leftists view liberals and centrists as worse than right wingers because liberals and centrists maintain the status quo, thus prolonging capitalism. In the case of accelerationists, they think a revolution is only possible if people are desperate enough to want one and so they often align themselves with right wingers who they know will make things worse (see MAGA communism as one example). To them it doesn't matter if the fascists will take power because they believe fascism always fails and communism will naturally follow. All the deaths will be worth it in the end.

I hit ask before I finished. I meant to add in parentheses that all of that is of course an oversimplification, but those are pretty much the arguments I saw in multiple leftists subreddit, on tumblr and twitter in the past few months. I know leftists irl are more normal.

See, this is what I mean when I point out that Online Leftists have become just as much of a zero-sum radicalized death cult as the MAGA Trumpists. They're willing to embrace any atrocity, global disaster, terrible people, and massive death toll as long as they think it'll bring their Shining Ideology (TM) to fruition, and then of course this will last a thousand years and never be changed and humans will bow down as a group to this Shining Ideology and destroying everything will be Worth It In The End. Apparently. This is complete ahistorical genocidal nihilistic gibberish, where any progress to fix the world and make a better future for the billions of people alive right now is actually Bad because What About the Glorious Revolution?!?! It is Totally Real! It Will Work! O Bow To Us Great Keyboard Warrior Dipshits! If You Don't Want to Violently Die With Everyone You Love, You Are Part of the Problem!!!!!

Now, I don't know about you, but I sure as fuck don't feel like sacrificing everyone and everything is a great tradeoff for whatever Communist Utopia these cosplaying pissbabies think would be the ultimate fruition of their labors. It's lazy, it's dangerous, it's stupid, it excuses them from ever having to do any effort to make the world better right now, and it feeds into the worst impulses and movements of humanity and the same mistakes that have been repeated in history over and over. This is basically what the late 19th-century and early 20th-century Communists thought: people would rise up in a Great Socialist Revolution, overthrow capitalism and fascism and every other bad thing in the world (which would somehow never ever come back, I guess) and then the future would be bright and shining forever. In practice, it resulted in tons of bloody and pointless deaths, a lot of failure, and some communist regimes that were absolutely zero improvement whatsoever on the oppressive systems they had replaced (and often were in fact MORE oppressive, but online leftists don't listen to people who actually grew up in these regimes and are not eager to see them come back). And guess what? Capitalism and fascism were not actually defeated Once and For All Time! Because yet again, you cannot just Violently Revolute your way to Ultimate Morally Pure Power once and for all, kill the Right People (aka everyone) and then everything is fixed forever. If it was ever going to work, it would have already done so. It has not. This fallacy is the cause of pretty much all the evil in human history. So. Yeah.

[shallowrambles]

I love the view that Dean figured out his deeper feelings for Cas in 6 & 7, and the majority of 8 was Dean arcing out of his hero-worship and people-should-never-let-me-down neuroses.

And then.

Post-perceived rejection… (Remember: Cas threw OFF Dean’s hand in Purgatory, and cut OFF cupid’s hand when it was aimed at him.)

So. Late Seasons 8 to mid-12 are Dean actively trying to get over Cas. In s9, he’s off-key paralleled with Josie Sands and Abaddon. (When it’s actually Hannah who’s “the Josie.”) Then he transitions into a reversal-power arc, towards being force-fit into the cartoonish, dare I say ham-fisted Cain role and its parallels. (They spell out the parallel in a distinctly odd way, esp for SPN. Too on the nose. Prescriptive. That’s because it’s actually mirroring Dean’s power fantasy according to Dean’s deepest, least charitable, nihilistic wishes.)

In s10, Dean still appears hung up on Cas, trusting him with the blade and begging him to help kill him if he becomes disinhibited/loses his free will again. Also, “I’m glad you’re here, man,” and Cas’s awkward reply, “Another time. There’s a female waiting in the car.” In a way, Dean’s feelings and fantasies serve to taunt him. The Cain parallel itself feels like a taunt.

Dean may realize Cas “admires” him but it’s definitely not the way Dean wants, that is: not like a secret admirer. Dean is mad for the unbalanced power dynamics re:Cas in the past. Now in Dean’s power reversal: Cas gets the wife treatment and Dean gets paralleled with the powerful Cain figure. He gets to beat Cas just as Cas beat him.

And it’s no accident the Dean’s power reversal arc culminates in a reverse-crypt. Because that’s what Dean’s bitter about. (“That’s not gonna be a problem = You can’t hurt me anymore, not like you did.”) It’s rooted in the bitterness of perceived rejection. That’s why Cas bears the brunt of Dean’s anger here.

Afterwards, Dean feels soooo guilty for being angry.

Later…

At various points, he tries to reassure Cas he’s okay with and appreciates how things are: a best friend, a comrade, a brother. Acceptance!

Dean spent season 10 dealing with his baggage and hoping hopelessly, then in season 11, I think he resolved to accept things. He may have toed the water with sexual tension and short shorts at times, but overall he was trying to live with Cas and let Cas off the hook.

He also encouraged Amara to deal with her own baggage the way he’d worked through his. Season 10 was his reversal arc: him in power for once, with Cas getting the wife treatment and Sam’s corruption being highlighted for once. And in season 11 he was spirited away, dealing with being powerless once more.

After that was done, he tried to swallow his feelings and let go of Cas, the way he encouraged Amara to let go of him.

He may perceive season 11 as his letting go of irrationally wanting Cas. The car scene may represent him giving Cas an out. Even releasing him from any perceived obligations.

So when Cas shows interest in season 12, I do think that threw him! Made him so nervous that he started hoping again, getting all tentative with his little mixtape.

Then Cas returns the damn mixtape. (Burned again!) But instead of getting bitter, Dean says to keep it, it’s a gift. Then he mumbles another “we’re all stronger together,” lil spill to cover his embarrassment.

Because now, he’s fully accepted that he loves Cas. Dean’s feelings haven’t faded so he has resolved to live with them as they are. No matter how many times he gets his hopes up and disappointed.

But now, Dean’s more scared. In season 8 he was ready to tell Cas “I love you.” He spent four years trying to navigate those unrequited feelings and convert them into familial camaraderie.

It’s much scarier in s12 with cosmic consequences on their heads, and Dean with everything he’s ever wanted just at his fingertips.

My fave thing about it all is that Dean and Cas are ready for each other at wildly different points and hardly ever sync up in between all the disasters.

[mamayan]

YANDERE SHIGARAKI X READER! ♡

♡ HEADCANONS ♡

Yandere Shigaraki Tomura Headcanons: Pre/Post Glow Up☆彡

Danger level: 8/10 pre and 4/10 post glow up!

SFW:

He’d taken you long before he underwent his transformation with All for One.

You’d been captured and imprisoned long ago, under the sadistic hand of a very nihilistic and childish sadist.

Why? You had a quirk resistant to his, is what initially caught his interest. Though, how could he not want you, after finding out exactly who you are? How could he just let you continue your day to day oblivious to him? Was he being left behind again by the world?

He was volatile in the beginning. Your own panic and fear would fuel his rage and outbursts. He didn’t want to hurt you, per-say, but bruising and damage were sustained on his worse days. Psychological damage ensures with it all too. He’s unhinged even on good day, and his affections can be warped and twisted.

Once you’d finally accepted and figured out you were never leaving him, let alone able to even lift a finger to fight him despite being immune to his quirk, you fell into a decent routine. Wake up around noon, when he rose. Wash up, if he allowed it. Eat, if he remembered to give you food, or find some snacks laying around. Watch him play video games or join him, if he lets you. Repeat.

He’s absolute garbage at first with you. He hardly cares for himself, let alone another person. He takes pleasure in depriving you of luxuries (soap is not a luxury but you can’t argue that with him) at first. It’s amusing degrading and humiliating you too.

He’ll put a collar on you, maybe even dress you up like a pet or in a maid costume. He’s a young lunatic overstimulated and underwhelmed all at once, he’s honestly not even intentionally trying to be cruel. He just is.

A changing point in the relationship is actually due to the League. When he begins valuing his members, he begins maturing. This translates to you too thankfully. The longer and better behaved you are, and ironically the more loving you become (touch starved) he’ll begin to reciprocate.

Don’t think he’ll ever apologize though. He won’t. He doesn’t even feel guilty either. Just be grateful he’s being better to you.

Your time with him will improve gradually and then rapidly. It’ll be a shock to your system the night and day treatment. He’ll go from shoving your face into the dirty carpet with his boot on your head, to cradling you to his chest because you woke up from a nightmare crying (a nightmare or memory of him?).

Ironically, he nearly does come close to killing you due to All for One. As Tomura fights for control, he nearly slips and strangles you to death.

It flipped a switch for him, to realize he might lose you for real. Not like a video game end, but to never feel your soft skin or smell you or hear your voice.

He’s sobbing, holding you and wanting to push you away all at once afterward. He’ll be calling a doctor immediately, getting you looked after in front of the League and everything. They won’t be too shocked, knowing of your presence, but the terror they see on Tomura’s face at your pain and fear.

He feels sick to his stomach when you look at him in fear after that. Explaining it wasn’t him that wanted to hurt you ever, is a hard thing to sell, when just months prior he’d fractured your wrist.

Actually puts in work and care now. Towards your comfort and happiness. Filling the area he makes for you with all that makes you happy, plushies, books, games, Tv, painting supplies. Don’t go crazy though, he’s still a deranged mass murderer, he’s got boundaries still.

He begins valuing your opinion. Asking you questions. Treating you like an equal, ironic considering your prior position in his mind.

To you, post merged Tomura is 100% better than he was before. Be grateful he’s changed for the better, because now he’s even stronger and more powerful, more confident and sure of himself and what he wants.

NSFW: THIS IS REALLY DARK AT FIRST SO YOU HAVE LITERALLY BEEN WARNED

He gives little to no fucks when he first imprisons you. You aren’t even really a human in his eyes, more like a whiny pathetic doll for him to use. It’s your fault in the first place, your quirk allows him full access to touch without worry of destroying you. He destroys you anyway, but you fortunately or unfortunately live.

Sex is painful and selfish with Tomura in the beginning, he’s a virgin when he takes you, but he’s got plenty of internet porn and knowledge to use. He does EVERYTHING. You don’t like it? Who fucking asked, certainly not him. He’ll tie you to his bed and leave you there ALL day for him to fuck and cum inside and go back to his games when he’s finished. Do you cum? Not at first.

Your pleasure or needs are worthless, and he even begins to take pleasure in how little you receive. He enjoys depriving you of everything that could possibly bring you joy. So edging and then leaving you high and dry, achy and used holes dripping with his cum, is his favorite activity. He’ll make you sleep on the floor after too, chain hooked to your collar so you stay right where he’s tied you up. You’re nothing better than a dog to him, a useless cumslut he can fill and throw away. “Stop fucking crying! I’ll give you something to cry about, how about that bitch?” He’s not above hitting you either, slapping you across the face, bruising your cheeks in a death grip. He inwardly LOVES any touch, and if it’s violent and terrifying? At least you’re alive. He’s been merciful enough to you already. Never mind the nausea he feels afterward, the way he breaks into a cold sweat watching what his treatment is slowly but surely doing to you.

He just wants your wet warm hole wrapped around him. Whether it’s your cunt or your ass or your mouth, as long as he’s fucking you. He’s violent and cruel, both his actions and words. They leave you reeling and begging. In fact, a turning point happens when you say something that has him going soft immediately. You’ll be especially sensitive and sore, abused too much too recently to take another rough session but he’s had a bad day and will be taking it out on you. Broken and bloody, he’ll still fuck your unprepared cunt/ass, laughing and finding his usual enjoyment as he drags it out sadistically. Spitting into your mouth before smacking you as you cough and choke. He’s a monster. And you snap too. “Please… please…” He’ll be grunting and moaning as he pistons his hips into you, chuckling as you beg and sob beneath him. “That’s it slut, beg for my cum. Beg me to fill you up! Who fucking owns you, huh? Answer!” You’ll be delirious, lack of sleep, nutrition, comfort of any kind, and the pain and fear compiling up. You’ll beg for something else as he fucks you, “please let me die… please kill me.. please… I want to die… please…” He’ll stop dead in his tracks and freeze up. It’ll knock the air out of his lungs. He’ll feel nauseous and maybe even have to leave to vomit but all the same he’ll be forced to come back to your chained limp figure on the bed in a state he never really noticed before.

He’d broken you, is the realization he’ll come to. Your body pathetically laid out how he liked, but your state near dead already. It’ll make him psychotic, more than he already is, when all he can see now is the abuse he’s experienced laid out before him. He’ll feel like his father, like worse than the villain he is. He’s never felt guilt like this before. Not even the guilt he feels towards his mother can add up to this. He’ll panic and leave you there all night.

When he comes back, seeing you just how he left you, broken, it’ll flip a switch.

He’ll untie/unchain you. He’ll be silent the entire time, taking you into the bathroom and cleaning you up. Probably the first bath you’ve had in weeks. He’ll be gentle too. So damn gentle. It’ll also be an odd moment for him as he cares for you for the first time. First aid is given, he’s checking your injuries in depth now and trying to bite back the apology that wants to spill out. He’s not sorry for taking and fucking you- he’s sorry you’re like this now. Limp and nearly lifeless, unresponsive except to flinch at every tough.

You’ll sleep in a clean bed that night, if only because the blood on the sheets makes him want to vomit. It’s your blood he drew. He’ll hold you, not fuck you, and just sit in the new silence. No more screaming or crying, no more yelling and cursing. It’s quiet.

It stays quiet too. You’re so subdued it’s difficult for him to grasp sometimes. He missed your noisy whimpers now. Your cute little sniffles. You’ll be getting the most physical and soft contact, sat in his lap wrapped in a blanket while he absentmindedly games.

The League will take him away longer now. He’ll be gone for extended periods of time. It worries him deeply when he does return to you perfectly where he left you. Silent. Like a real living doll now. It stresses him, more than he cares to admit. He can’t bring the anger or familiar outbursts out though. Your dull eyes leave him feeling helpless. He hates it. Hates you. Hates himself the most, for doing this to you.

He’ll undergo his transformation and nearly end your life because of his struggle with All for One. His master knows the depth of his care for you now, and he’s determined to take that away. Dragging you from your sleep with hands around your throat squeezing the life from you. You’d begged to die before, but the will to live is stronger than you’d thought as you struggle and plead with your eyes. You didn’t want to die. He’s been so kind lately. You were feeling better.

He’ll get close to killing you, barely able to stop before he snaps your neck. He’ll be sobbing over your unconscious body, finally regaining control. Cradling you to his chest as you hang on a thread in his arms. The League gets to see you for the first time as a doctor comes and treats you, or someone with a healing quirk.

Toga is actually a crucial tool to your survival. She’s instantly smitten with your broken spirit, and she’s determined to help you trust the Boss and love him. She’s not on your side, make no mistakes, but she’s a friend you’ll be grateful for nonetheless.

It takes a while, but eventually you do come around. You willingly lean into his touch now. You hug him back. You kiss him. The initiated intimacy Toga’s idea. You were originally too scared of pissing him off. Instead, he’s even more gentle and sweet to you. The more affectionate you are, the more he reciprocates in kind.

He’s still a violent man, capable and wanting of endless destruction, but he’s soft with you. Delicate touches. Almost as if he’s afraid of breaking what little is left of you, but if you push him a little with sweet words and praise, his face will be buried in your pussy.

When he cares about your pleasure, he cares about it. He’s tearing orgasms from you in rapid succession. You’ll cry for all new reasons now. Begging to have a little break, which he’ll give. He’ll hold you in his arms as he kisses you, your face, your neck. Whispering in your ear, “Such a good girl, you came so much, you think you can handle a little more for me?” and foolishly you’ll fall for it. Fall for him. It’s deranged and unhealthy, but you’ll be so far gone off the edge that it hardly matters.

He’s so sweet with you, opening your hole for him with his fingers. Driving you wild and delirious as you beg for his cock. His much larger cock than you remembered, but with how wet you are and how kind he’s being, it’s incredible being stretched out on it. He’ll rock into you slow and deep, maybe even pull you up into his lap and hold you to his chest while immobilizing you to fuck how he likes. You’ll like it too, you won’t be able to cover your mouth or quiet the noises you make as he hisses in your ear to cum. He’ll fill you up as much as you’d like. He’ll clean you up after, bathe you, eat some snacks with you, play video games with you, cuddle you. His aftercare gets better with time. He’ll listen if you tell him what you like.

Tell him you love him, he’ll really give you the world. Put your hands on his face, and kiss everywhere you can, while telling him how perfect he is, how much you adore him, how you can’t live without him. He’ll give you whatever you want, as long as it isn’t away from him, it’s yours.

You go from prisoner to queen pretty much overnight.

Your throne is his lap though. Be good, his punishments still exist, they’re just different. He won’t hit your face, but turning your sweet ass red isn’t beneath him.

[sealedterror]

Stellaron Hunters and Astral Express Parallels

So, I've noticed that the Stellaron Hunters are basically a darker, murdery, and morally grey parallel version of the more heroic Astral Express, with every member mirroring another from the other group. Two sides of the same coin, if you will. First thing I'd like to point out, both factions don't really follow any current aeon. They "follow" (very loose term here) the missing-in action Akivili and the "Destiny" that Elio forsees. Both factions also are deeply involved with Stellarons(we encounter a stellaron on every planet, the Stellaron Hunters hunt them. Obviously) Here's some similarities I've thought of between the members and some theories based off each other: !!SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Dan Heng and Blade:

Both from Xianzhou,

Immortal in some way(Blade's self-regenerating and Dan Heng's reincarnations)

Same gender

Dan heng's five star form enhances his basic attack, like Blade, who I BET was ALSO a four star before the mara and Jing Liu incident

Similar age? Don't really know exact timeline between them

Both feature flowers in their gameplay(lotus flowers and spider lilies)

Himeko and Kafka:

Both intelligent women

The pseudo-moms of their faction.

I might be pulling out of my ass here, but I'd like to point out that both of them use both a ranged weapon(Himeko's laser and Kafka's gun) and also a melee weapon(Kafka's katana and Himeko's grator).

Since they are each others parallel, I'd like to make the assumption that since Himeko was the first one to join the Astral Express, that Kafka was the first one to join Elio. It just fits with the known info we have and clears up any ambiguity, but you don't have to strictly adhere by it lol.

Pom Pom and Elio

"Animals" yeah right

The being who leads their group in the direction wanted(conducter, scriptwriter, best destiny, best path to blaze)

You assume they are the cute mascot at first, but then there is something...exceptional about them, that you can't quite pin down.

Both are sentient and can presumably talk(Elio might just write to communicate, how would that work though? Toe beans? Meow to text? Lmao)

Wait....with synestheia beacons that's actually very possible. Oh god

March 7th and Silver Wolf(HEAR ME OUT)

The trendy, youthful girl of the group

....Use of technology?

yeah i got nothing BUTBUTBUT

March 7th's mysterious pasttttt. Like, the similarities between Danheng and Blade weren't revealed until his five star form was revealed and I'm making the theory that when March 7th's mysterious past is revealed, the similarities between her and Silver Wolf will appear!!!!

So Silver Wolf is from Punklord, is extremely accomplished and powerful, chaotic neutral with a sense of wanderlust. I don't know much about her(don't have her character/character story) so I can't say much more, but what I do know seems pretty plausible for March's former self.

It supports my theory that March 7th's five star form will be Nihility. Imbibiter Lunae was Destruction, like Blade. The memokeeper in March's quest said her past would "only bring her pain". How nihilistic is that? Either way, I'm definitely pulling xD

Stelle/Caleus and Firefly/Sam(the best for last ;)

So this is the one that really cemented this theory into my mind. So far, you might have noticed that every member's mirror image is the same gender(with the exception of Catlio and PomPom, I'll talk about it in the comments). But Trailblazer has TWO genders/personas. You know who ALSO has two genders/personas?FIREFLY/SAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some theory and more similarities between them

They both are the explosive power powerhouse of their group(Stellaron and Sam's firepower)

Both pretty smart(dubious) and funny(hilarious, the both of them)

They both eat questionable things...Trailblazer's trash consumables and Firefly's woodchip Oak Cake(seriously, read the description, do they have iron stomachs or something??)

...So they might have iron stomachs.

Both were presumably artificially made. We know Firefly/Sam is(born to fight in a war) and the Trailblazer is a vessel of a Stellaron. There has to be some funky, wonky, genetic/biological makeup for that.

Welt Yang and no one lmao

Lonely ass old man, no ship?(making the no bitches face)

Anyway, I presume he doesn't have any parallel bc he's from another universe. I don't know much cause I haven't played Honkai Impact. Something about a comic and "herscherr"? Idrk but. I suppose Luocha could join the Stellaron Hunters. That would be crazy as hell and if it happens I CALLED IT, but it probably won't. Probably.

There is also the theory Sunday joined the Stellaron Hunters. It's honestly really interesting and if that's true.....Welt Yang and Sunday don't have any similarities so that's tossed out the window. So, that only leaves the possibilty that we will have a mirrored someone of Sunday joining the Astral Express in the future. That would be INSANE but fun as hell like, can you imagine?

So this concludes my rant, are you convinced yet ;)? It's really interesting that the two factions mirror each other so deeply. I am getting the message that, whatever our fates are, they are deeply intertwined.

Thanks a bunch for reading this far and please, let me know what you think! May the Trailblaze be with you....or something lol