#my phone I don’t want to do anything I am just like emotionally and physically exhausted and I can’t fucking take this shit today

[milo-is-rambling]

Vaping so much that I’m hot boxing the van in honor of not fucking wanting to go inside

[faramirsonofgondor]

“Gabe isn’t abusive in the show” ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW???

Gabe is literally introduced by yelling at someone who, when Percy apologizes for Gabe’s behavior, says “I’m walking out, you’re walking in. I should be apologizing to you.” And then Percy reluctantly and slowly walks inside. And Gabe immediately starts in on him (calling him “Genius” in a mocking tone) as Percy repeatedly expresses that he just wants to talk to his mom ( and Gabe’s subsequent “Is that all you have to say to me?”) The fact that he answered Sally’s phone and acted like he had every right to do so?? The way he shows begrudging respect when thinks Percy was violent towards another kid at school?? The “you would think that because you’re a child, you don’t understand things…” The way he gets annoyed that Percy wants to know where his mother is. The “what are we doing Percy? every time! wow…wow!” in such a condescending tone??? Percy’s immediate alarm when Sally calls Gabe’s name. Gabe immediately yelling at Sally, not knowing anything about Percy’s life (he didn’t even know his school’s name despite literally just talking to them), the way he makes Sally negotiate to use the car (“Why am I okay with this?” “Make sure they put the hot peppers on my sandwich please!”) the way he acts like his tone of voice shouldn’t matter to Sally because he said “please” the aggressive behavior even after he concedes to letting them use the car (getting in Percy’s face, pointing his finger at him, etc.), like???

Just because he isn’t depicted as smacking the shit out of them doesn’t mean he isn’t abusive. He is constantly yelling, even when it’s not necessary, and is overall condescending and rude towards both Percy and Sally. He has a positive reaction towards the idea of Percy being violent, which means that he probably has no problems getting violent himself, even if it isn’t show on screen. The fact that he is constantly trying to redirect Percy and Sally’s decision to make himself the center of it (he is trying to goad Percy into an argument when he gets kicked out of school and overall keeps trying to redirect the conversation back to himself, he acts like he is allowed to breach Sally and Percy’s privacy but then makes Sally get his permission to drive somewhere, and even then she has to give him something in return). Like he is very clearly controlling and emotionally/financially abusive (he acts like Sally’s things are his despite not having a job and likely blowing through their money). It also seems like he tries to diminish Percy’s self esteem, possibly to keep him and Sally under his thumb (it’s a common tactic used by abusers to make the victims feel like the need to depend on the abuser). Overall, just because he might not be physically abusing them, doesn’t mean he isn’t abusing them and doesn’t mean his actions aren’t harmful. Furthermore, just because he isn’t violent on screen doesn’t mean he isn’t violent.

[eveningepiphany]

welcome to the final show | H.S, part 4

my masterlist!

summary: suddenly it’s not just you and harry anymore, and not only do the general media want an explanation, but so do your friends and family. however, the two of you are only just figuring things out yourselves.

warnings: paparazzi, anxiety surrounding leaked images, fluff, comforting, confessions, make out session, sexual content!

a/n: no because i am so thrilled for you all to read this. these two are so much fun to write about. I hope you enjoy <3

(I was on the fence about including smut, but I decided i wanted to! if that’s not something you want to read, a little warning will come up when it’s about to begin. plot wise you won’t miss anything if you choose not to read it!)

———

There’s a certain type of love that comes around once and a while. It’s rare.

And it’s an all consuming kind. One that when you think about it you feel it to the bone.

And oh, had you done a lot of thinking. Overthinking was pretty much all you’ve been doing the past two weeks.

You obviously are attracted to Harry. Physically, emotionally… just in every sense of the word. That’s nothing new for you. And even throughout the points of denial since forming a personal relationship with him. It’s the truth.

You’ve probably gaslit yourself out of it more times then you could count. However picture evidence of you holding hands with him in the homely streets of Italy is kind of a slap to the face.

And despite how cute you think the photos may be, you are still inexplicably panicked about them.

It’s the morning after the photos got posted. And you are genuinely still in shock. You struggled to fall asleep last night after the images first came out— your brain in complete overdrive for god knows how long until you fell asleep.

And this morning you’re ignoring the influx of messages and calls you’re getting from family, friends, and people you’ve met through love on tour.

Several texts from your own sister coming through half an hour ago. All of them including the word ‘fuck’. Shes definitely mad you didn’t tell her this had happened.

Either way, you’re left pacing the length of your hotel room. Heart still near racing in your chest as you try to figure out what to do, and how to handle something like this.

You held hands with him, you remind yourself. You didn’t get caught making out with him… the act for you came across as still something bordering platonic— even though you wished it were anything but that. This could eventually blow over.

You sigh out, leaning against the wall of your hotel, this was considerably more simple when the rest of the population had no idea it was happening.

Now they do, and they have a lot of questions. Plus, it makes it significantly harder when it’s about things you don’t even have answers to.

Harry hadn’t messaged you since everything had happened. If he even knows is beyond you.

But it felt wrong talking to anyone about it without talking to him first.

You felt a sense of guilt. Because this easily will stir up drama for him. Stuff like this spreads so fast, and you’ve seen it happen 100 times. But now you’re no longer in the back seat just watching it unfold. There will be articles, posts, even snippets in the newspapers about it. And whether or not it’s something he’s accustomed to, you still feel at fault. Like you could’ve been more careful, more considerate.

You move to sit on the edge of your unmade bed, staring at your phone that you’ve left on the bench top. How do you even approach it? What do you say to him?

You quickly decide you don’t really want to, at the moment. There is too much going through your head, and you’re still a bit freaked out about it all.

So another anxiety shower is. Which for right now, is your best and favourite option.

Standing up, you head to the bathroom, leaving your phone out in the room, allowing it to continue buzzing while you decide it’s time for some hardcore self-care to calm yourself down.

On the other side of things, Harry is also freaking out. He woke up to texts from a couple people, asking about a headline?

And for people he knows personally to be reaching out about trashy posts on the media, it’s almost always a bad sign.

One being from James, who has been off ‘The Late Late Show’ too long for him to withhold himself from making bad jokes when they present themselves.

Are they even allowed to put that many exclamation marks in the title? Overkill if you ask me. 😪😪

But when he reads the link and sees the image of himself with you, his anxiety immediately shifts from being personal.

[ 1 attachment link] : Styles Has Found His Next Musical Muse, But She’s Actually a ‘Hardcore Fangirl!!!’”

He’s almost positive you will have seen the leaked images. There is no way you would have missed this unless you were still sleeping.

Guilt nearly slaps him in the face. You do not deserve this. He already knows that you’re probably being slammed on Twitter and in comments of these pathetic articles.

And that is never nice. He hates it enough when it’s himself, and that’s after a decade of learning how to deal with it.

His concern for you leads to a text, one he doesn’t want to make, but does anyway. Purely for the fact he needs to know you’re alright.

Because the worst thing that could happen is you having some kind of anxiety attack after reading something online, and not having anyone there to be with you to talk you down. Regardless of how confident you can appear to him, he’s not taking the chance.

Hi love, can you please let me know you’re alright?

He sends it through, and then he typed out another one after it’s been about five long minutes without a reply.

I am very possibly overreacting right now, but do you need me to come over?

Another ten minutes go by,

I’ll be over in about 15. x

He is aware this may be over the top. You could be asleep. You could be just processing what’s happened— since he still remembers the first time things like this happened to him. And it’s a really weird experience.

But he is undeniably protective of you. That is one thing he can’t lie about.

And even more-so, he’s terrified this will scare you off. Because if it’s too much for you, he has no clue how he’d deal with it. Since it’s way too far out of his hands now.

Even though he knew well that this was a easily plausible situation. And it’s almost surprising how long they’ve gone without it happening earlier.

In his own time, he’s been overthinking plenty too. Wondering if it’s normal to want to lay your entire life down for someone two weeks after meeting them.

Maybe if he were 16… but pushing 30… it might be a bit harder to justify.

But somehow, despite knowing how stupid he probably seems, he leaves his bedroom after throwing on some shorts and a tshirt. Going out and grabbing the keys for his car from the kitchen.

Gemma is out there cooking toast, and she turns around to see him near running out the door.

“Harry!” She says, and when he stops to give her a quick greeting she interrupts him.

“Don’t worry so much.” She sighs.

Immediately confused, he frowns, frozen in place, “what…?”

“I’m assuming that this Y/N you’ve been on about really likes you too, okay? There’s no way she doesn’t. So just treat it like any other relationship or friendship you have. No matter the circumstances you met under. If you like her, you like her. Don’t let shit from the media get to either of you.”

Her advice comes just when he needs it, as it always does. And even though he acts like she doesn’t, she knows almost everything there is to know.

A small nod, “Thank you Gem…”

She gives him a warm smile, one that’s always encouraged him.

———

You hear the knock on the door while you’re standing in the bathroom, finishing applying a face mask. Stood clad in your shorts and black boob tube.

And after finally calming down a bit, it gives you another wave of panic. Since after waiting a few moments, the rapping on the door continues. You were hoping they would just go away, whoever it was.

You quietly leave your bathroom, going down the short hallway to look through the peephole in the door.

You don’t even get your eye up to it before you hear the all too familiar voice on the other side.

“Y/N, it’s Harry…” He was a bit muffled, but you didn’t even think as you start unlatching the locks on the door.

The look of relief on his face when you finally peek out is almost palpable.

“Hi…” you say quietly, pulling the door open further, letting him come in quickly.

He has two cups in his hands, and once he’s inside your room, he is fast to place them on the nearest free space.

“What are you—“ you don’t get through the sentence before he breaches the distance between you, tugging you into a hug, uncaring of the face mask residue getting on his shirt.

He squeezes you, “‘M so glad y’alright.”

You take a deep breath. So, he knows.

You feel immediately bad for not letting him know earlier, before he felt the need to come over.

“Did you call me? I’m so sorry, i was in the—”

“I texted you couple times— don’t be sorry. I don’t want it to seem weird I came rushing over… i was jus’ worried about you.”

You slowly draw back, “I was going to text you, I just didn’t want to… i didn’t know how to go about it, i guess?”

He pulls away, “I am so fuckin’ sorry this happened.”

“Why are you apologising? I should be…”

“Why should you apologise? You of all people do not deserve to be dissected by people in the media. Ive dragged you into something you didn’t deserve to be dragged into.” He says, sounding exasperated.

“You aren’t at fault for any of this, H. I feel like I’ve stirred up unnecessary drama up for you…” To this he immediately shakes his head.

“You haven’t. I was just worried about how you’d perceive it all… and fuck— i didn’t want it to scare you off.”

You both seem to realise that you were freaking out over each other. Starting to laugh together, realising how stupid you both probably sound.

“Okay… we sound really silly.” You sigh, moving to grab the cup he’d placed down prior to your very quick debrief.

“But seriously, Harry,” you lead him over to sit down on the edge of your bed with you, “I am still sorry. I feel like I’ve caused unnecessary… assumptions.”

He frowns a little, “assumptions?”

“About us. You know…” you shrug, eyes avoiding him, doing a terrible job at acting nonchalant.

“That we’re together? That what you’re so shy about, hm?” He teases, and you physically cannot handle the way he says it.

“I— well— Yes, sure that’s what I was going for.”

You gently scratch at the dried edges of your clay face mask, and he watches quietly, wishing he could see the blush that’s risen on your cheeks underneath it.

“Why were you showering so early— It’s like midday, I thought you said you showered in the evening?” He asks, out of the blue, causing you to frown.

Your answer comes out unsurely, “I have anxiety showers sometimes. It calms me down.”

He cocks his eyebrow, “Is that why you were literally dripping wet when i came over the other day?”

He pins you with his gaze, and you don’t reply for a few seconds. You were hoping he broke the silence himself, but it was clear he was waiting for a response.

You blurt out, “You make me nervous!”

To this he laughs, “I make you nervous?”

“Not… all the time.” You amend, “Just sometimes.”

You remove yourself before he can ask more questions, and you go to wash off the face mask in the bathroom, while he’s still stifling his laughter.

You emerge after washing it off with cold water, and his eyes follow your every step as you go to sit back down.

“Yknow, Y/N, if I didn’t know any better I’d—“

He’s cut off by a bang on the front door.

You were only scared for a second, until you heard a shrill feminine shout from outside it. One you know to be your best friends classic angry voice.

You were relieved for only about another second before you realised, she will probably break that door down if you don’t let her in.

Oh god.

“Y/N Y/L/N. LET. ME. IN!” You can picture her angry little face. And you’re almost a bit terrified of her.

But you have to hide Harry. Like you have to actually hide him.

“Harry— you— fuck, get up—” You whisper, trying to stay as quiet as possible, grabbing his wrist.

“What is happening?” He sounds awfully confused as you manhandle him around the hotel room, trying to find an adequate place to hide a 6 foot tall man from your fired up best friend.

“She may kill you— she loves you— but she’s very mad at me right now, because I didn’t tell her about,” you pause as you try to label again whatever the two of you were, “us… this… whatever you want to deem it.”

You realise the cupboard is about the only reasonable place, unless you make him climb down the balcony.

“Are you—“

“Y/N! i already KNOW you’re in there!” She calls from the door again.

You tug the door of it open, “Get in!”

You half push him inside it, “I’m so sorry, but just, just sh okay??”

He nods hastily, and you quite literally shut him in there.

“I’m coming!” You shove the takeaway cups into a kitchen cupboard and rush to the door.

Letting her in, she practically storms past you. And you pray to god you can get rid of her in a short period of time.

“I’m sorry!” You say to her, grabbing her hands.

“How could you not tell me something like that?!” She barks, shaking your arms like an angry child.

You do feel bad, because you would also be pissed if it were the other way around.

You try to explain, clutching her warm palms tighter, “To respect his privacy! I wanted to, so, so badly but I just… I didn’t want it getting out.”

She groans, pulling you in for a tight, yet still frustrated hug.

“But you know I wouldn’t have told anyone!”

“I do, i know. I’m sorry.” You embrace her, “but every time we were together there were other people… and I just hadn’t figured out how, let alone talked to him about it.”

She calms down a tiny bit, and sometimes the best way to describe her is like a miniature tornado. Her anger is very quick to bubble over and turn her into this fired up, yelling ball of energy. Yet it dissipates shortly after she lets it all out.

“Okay, well I get that, of course. But… wait are you two actually— have you slept with him?” You pull back from the hug and give her a shocked stare. Her ask stuns you for a moment.

You’re hyperaware that he is listening to this conversation.

What is he thinking right now— you can’t help but wonder. And you have to physically force yourself to push the thoughts that come with such a question aside.

“I— why would you ask me that!” You hiss at her, sounding guilty, even though you’re just throughly embarrassed.

“Because he's Harry Styles!” She exclaims, “who happens to be a very gorgeous man, and I would not be surprised if you wanted— I don't know— in his pants?”

“We are just friends!” You drag your hand down your face. Internally pleading that she stops saying embarrassing shit.

“Whatever you little liar. Acting like as if you haven't said on multiple occasions just how bad you wan—“

“OKAY!” You interrupt, trying to keep the frantic tone out of your voice, “I get it. I really do, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. But look, I have so many people I have to call and— i think my whole family also want me dead— so can we maybe get a coffee tomorrow? Talk it over, and you can ask all the questions you want.”

At your proposal, she seems to realise you mean it. And despite the confused look on her face at the fact you’re kicking her out to call what is basically her own adopted family, it seems she understands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna seem pushy. I was… just also in shock. Tomorrow at 10?” She smiles.

You start both walking over to the door, “that’s perfect.”

Tugging her into another hug, she huffs out an ‘I love you.’

You laugh and give her a chaste peck on the side of her head, “I love you too. I promise I wanted to tell you on my end. I just didn’t want to fuck anything up…”

She nods, pulling back, “I know. And if you need anything, or anyone before I see you tomorrow, don’t forget I’m only a few floors up.”

“I won’t.” You open the door for her, and bid a final goodbye. And once it’s shut, you realise how badly you want the ground beneath your feet to literally swallow you whole.

Despite the embarrassment, you quickly rush over to let Harry out of the cupboard you’d shoved him in.

And as he steps out, adorning a smirk and clearly stifling a laugh, you apologise profusely.

“God— I am so incredibly sorry.”

A proper abashed grin spreads across his face, one that flashes his dimples. Reminding you of the sign you took to the last show, telling him how pretty you thought his smile was. You still think the same.

“Kind of exciting hiding in a cupboard. I never even did it as a teenager.” He chuckles, brushing a few stray curls from his eyes.

“Do I look a little more youthful? As gorgeous as ever?” He teases.

“I am so sorry you had to hear all of that, she has a… she lacks a filter.” You excuse, cheeks flaming as you try to dig yourself out of the hole your best friend has unwittingly buried you in.

“That's okay love, but I am a little curious…”

You frown at his careful words.

He takes a step closer as he continues, “what so badly did you want to do to me that you told all your friends about?”

At this, you completely turn your face away from his green-eyed stare. Because you cannot trust yourself.

He doesn’t realise the dangerous game he’s playing with you right now. Especially while he’s standing in-front of you like this. Tattooed arms out, beautiful face and jawline on display.

“Y/N, darling. I asked a question.” His voice has turned to honey. He’s talking you in a way he never has before. With a tone that is almost demanding an answer, laced with a undertone of seduction.

“Stop it.” You hiss, flicking his solid chest with your hand.

He steps forward, and you step back in response. He backs you up all the way to the edge of your bed.

“Stop being a flirt.” You scoff, finally holding eye contact for more than a second.

His pupils have blown out a little, and the stare he’s giving you is something you want burned into the underside of your eyelids.

“Why? Is it working.” He chuckles, demeanour softening a tiny bit as his hand slides down your arm.

You don’t reply.

“Please tell me, Y/N. I want to know. Y’know I’m nosey.”

“Resorted to begging, I see.” You snort, heart still hammering behind your rib cage.

“If it works, I can do plenty of it.” He playfully remarks.

You try to not reply again, but you’re met with a silence. Somehow he knows you’re going to fill it with a fumbled half-confession.

“I don’t even really remember. I was probably tipsy on some wine. Said some stuff to… the girls. After a show.”

“After a show?” He smirks, “Which one?”

“Barcelona. And maybe back at… another. One or two others.”

“But that’s all I’m saying!” You interject, hoping he takes that as enough of an answer.

He laughs at your attempted defiance.

“Anyways, what even— what are you getting at here?” You ask, because truly, his flirting is heavily confusing you. In every way possible.

“Remember when you told me I had a the prettiest smile?” He lightly grazes your hip with his warm hand.

“I— yes. That was like, 2 weeks ago. What’s your point?” You are biting at your bottom lip.

“Don’t get feisty.” He coos, “Everytime I smile around you, I think of that. And then, I wonder what other things you think about me. What other parts you see of me and consider as pretty.”

“And, can you blame a man for wanting to know what dirty things you’ve said about him to y’friends?”

Jesus Christ. A part of you melts at his words. He is watching you like a hawk, gauging your every little reaction. But you’re clinging to any part of you that’s trying to keep this from heading in that direction. Even though you know it’s not because you don’t want to.

“We really shouldn’t… H.” You state, voice almost shaking with an unspoken need. One that you’re trying to keep from bursting through the seams.

“Why not, Y/N?” He asks, making it sound like a challenge. Causing him to be met with a quick jump in your voice.

You are pulling at every part of your strength right now to justify why this is a terrible idea.

“Because, Harry. I am a fucking fangirl for you. Not in a casual way either, like bordering a little bit insane! It’s horrifying, and very embarrassing! And this is a horrible idea, because I don’t think you understand the kind of—“ You don’t get to finish whatever you were about to say, because he kisses you. With his all.

It feels like he pours every once of his being into it. The way his smooth lips press into your own, fuelled by a heat that is felt in the very pit of your stomach. Your knees almost buckle at the sensation.

You grab his shoulder to stabilise yourself. And your lungs are already drawn of all their air.

In actuality, it mustn’t have lasted very long— maybe a couple seconds— before he pushes the back of your knees against the bed, forcing you to sit down.

He draws in a breath after you seperate, “I don’t care if you have photos of me on your fucking bedroom walls, baby.”

“Could not care less, look at you.” He leans down now, kissing over your lips again in separate, doting pecks, “y’so gorgeous, and genuine. I love that you love what I do.”

You’re in a bit of shock, looking up at him with widened eyes. Because obviously you’ve imagined kissing him before. Probably a thousand times. And that dream has somehow sprung to fruition.

How exactly? you’re still unsure.

“I— Harry.” You say, with no real purpose, clutching onto his broad shoulders.

The way you whine out his name drives him almost insane, and he drops down onto his knees between your spread legs. Giving him easier access to kiss your mouth.

His hands snake around your waist, and he lets his lips slot back over yours.

You loose yourself in the act, your own fingers skating up his back and into the hair at the nape of his neck.

It’s so fucking soft. And you use it to press his face closer to yours. He’s surprised when you’re the one to part your lips and dart your tongue out first.

Skating along his pink bottom lip as an invitation.

He accepts it happily, clutching at your waist while he lets his tongue dip into the heat of your mouth. You can’t help but groan at the sensation, and feel the warmth start to gather between your thighs.

He was kissing you like a starved man. And slowly everything you knew started slipping from the forefront of you mind. All you could feel and focus on was him.

How his muscly frame filled up your senses—and the area between your knees— paired with the glide of his tongue over your teeth.

—((sexual content from here and onwards))

His hands tracing over several parts of your body, even going to pull you closer with his hands cupping your bottom. Squeezing at the swell of your ass playfully.

You bite your teeth down onto his lip and drag it backwards, eliciting a moan from the back of his throat.

Your hips push forward, brushing the front of your shorts on his torso, causing his jaw to go lax.

The two of you seperate for air, panting, and his eyes veer south, looking at where you’re pressed against him.

“Fuckin’ Christ. Look at you, needy little thing.”

You bury your head into his neck, kissing along his sharp jawline. Unable to control your slowly circling hips.

“So, y’willing to share what it is you wanted to do to me yet? Given that you’re practically grinding on m’chest.”

You hum a maybe, and he lets out a deep laugh.

“After Barcelona,” You start, and he works to coax the answer out of you with his hands and lips.

“Mmhm…” he acknowledges, mouthing against your clavicle.

“You had looked so good that night… and I got a little tipsy after the show, back at our BNB.”

“You were in those low rise black pants, and that tiny cropped vest. And my god— i said to all the girls that if you were down, I would happily let you take me. Anyway you wanted.”

“Anyway?” His hoarse voice asks.

“Anyway. Fingers, tongue... cock.”

At the first mention of something genuinely sexual, he almost looses it. Envisioning your spread legs with his head pressed between them.

“But I didn’t just say that because I was tipsy. Or because of the outfit you wore.” You allude quietly.

He can’t wait another second before he’s pressing his already swollen lips back against yours. And hard.

“Want everything off you.” He fists at your boob-tube.

Your body is hotter than a thousand suns, and your need for him is literally tearing through you.

It’s clear this was your tipping point. There was no going back to something casual and platonic. The way your whole body ached to have him was unfathomable.

“Strip me.” You beg, arms lifting so he can tug the thin black material over your head, leaving your breasts in a strapless bra.

He runs his tongue over the exposed skin, hands sliding to the clasp at your back to get it off you.

He moans aloud once he sees you, briefly recalling the times his gaze has dipped to your cleavage in those little sundresses you wore while you were out together, and how he would always be wishing for a moment like this.

He laves his tongue over your nipple, before quickly occupying himself with the button of your shorts.

“These off too?” He confirms, voice gravelly with want.

Hastily, you nod, “Yes, all of it.”

Your sheer eagerness is turning him on even more. You always seemed a tiny bit reserved, so hearing you beg for your clothes to get torn off…

“Ass up,” he asks, watching as you lift it from the bed so he can tug the shorts from your waist and down your legs.

Left in nothing but your underwear, he slides his hand over your front to see how wet you were.

You moan as his fingers brush over your clothed-clit. And you notice now that your arousal has wet through your panties.

“Fucking hell. You realise you’re absolutely drenched, right baby?” He near moans, rubbing a gentle circle over the fabric.

“I—shit— I’m sorry, didn’t think I’d gotten so…” You’re almost a little embarrassed at the amount of arousal between your legs.

He hooks his fingers into the crotch of your underwear, peeling them down your thighs.

Your bare cunt had him almost light headed. You were genuinely glistening, and your slick had already spread to the hood of your clit.

“Darling don’t be sorry. Y’got the prettiest little pussy. Cant believe you’re this wet.”

“What did it for you, huh?” He asks finger running through you, eliciting a groan from both your throats.

In a pleasure-filled haze, you slur out a reply, “You. Just all of you.”

You squirm under his featherlight caress, and take a moment to watch him gaze at you. There is nothing but this look of admiration and desire in his eyes.

“Wanna see you, Harry.” You plea, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

He waits not a second to slip it over his head, and your hands immediately run down his torso. Staying quiet as he lets you indulge.

This is something you have thought of in a million different ways. His chest is built like that of a Greek gods, and his tattoos are an added bonus.

You feel the ridges of his abs under your fingertips, and you trace over the butterfly tattoo as well.

His breath flutters in and out of his nose. But using your hands doesn’t satiate you.

You need him on your tongue.

“Stand up.” You ask, and he doesn’t question you, he just obliges.

You keep him stood between your bare legs, but lean your neck inwards, tongue jutting out to run a solid strip up his stomach.

A rumble comes from him, akin to a growl as you move to of his pecs. Gliding your tongue over the hair-dusted flesh, and enveloping his own nipple into your mouth.

You’d never done this before, since sucking on a guys nipple is less of a commodity… but the reaction it works out of him is perfect.

The way he throws his head back, sharp jaw tilted to the celling, and hair falling from his forehead.

“Oh… oh god.”

You draw back, grabbing his shorts and pushing them down. Kissing both the laurels that sit atop his hips before cupping your hand over his bulge, covered by black Calvin Klein briefs.

“Can I take you out, please?”

“Such nice manners, good girl.”

Good girl. The words float around in your head, and something else inside of you comes undone.

Not sure if it was your self respect… or some other part of your morals. But you could go feral simply over those two words.

You bite down on your lip as you tug the briefs down, watching his cock slip up.

Lord.

You almost salivate. It’s perfect in every way you’d want it to be. A flushed red tip, dotted with beads of pre-cum. And of course it’s big.

For an already perfect man, it’s hard to believe you can strip him completely, and still not find a single flaw.

“Staring pretty hard… you a little intimated?”

“It’s big.” You state, hand coming to wrap around its thick base. “Want it in me.”

He leans down, picking you up by your thighs. You laugh in reaction, him manhandling you into the centre of your still unmade bed.

There was a sense of intimacy that was being shared as he pulled you forward, so you were straddling his hips.

Both of you leaned forward to lock lips, kissing feverishly as you touched over every inch of skin you could. Eventually, both of your hands falling between the others legs.

You stroked over him, and he careful slid his middle finger into you.

He worked you until you were near dripping down his hand, and were scraping your nails along his shoulders.

“Harry— need you…” you beg.

“Want me to take you right now?” He asks, cock throbbing in your hand.

“Yes. I can handle it. Promise. I’m clean and on birth control if you wanna go bare.”

“Only if you’re sure. I trust you.”

“I am… just want to feel you.” You plead.

“Need you to tell me how y’want it first, pretty.” He coos, curling his finger inside you.

You moan in response, and he slides it out shortly after so he regains your attention.

“I—“ you stutter, now feeling empty, “anyway you want, I said that earlier.”

“No, baby, how do you like it?” He asks again, smiling against your skin.

“Anything, hard or gentle, I’ll come either way. Look at you— as if I wouldn’t.”

He pulls your core to his, rubbing the tip against your slick hole, “Then tell me as we go how you’re doing, and what you want or need okay. Want you to feel really good, m’kay?”

You nod, and he starts to sink into you, already pulling a moan from your lips at the stretch.

He on the other hand struggles to hold himself together as your warm walls part for him.

“Fuck, fuck… you’re so tight, Y/N.” He groans, pulling you down nearly all the way— stopping before he reaches the base of his cock, taking a moment to adjust so he doesn’t come before he’s all the way in.

“Mm-“ you whine out, nails digging into the warm muscle on his back, “Harry…”

Once he’s composed himself, he lets your hips sink the down to the base of him. You both take a moment to feel it. Panting, because the heat and the connection you’re both sharing is only describable as euphoric.

“Y’okay?” He sighs out, clutching your waist with firm hands.

“Yes… so fuckin’ full.” You moan out, hole fluttering around his length.

He carefully draws his hips back, pulling out a little only to push it back in.

Just that small movement has you reeling. And you’re quick to realise that this is probably going to be the best sex you’ve ever fucking had.

“Look at that, your cunt swallowing me up. So fuckin’ hot.” He whispers, slowly starting to pick up the pace.

His fingers move to play with your clit, and he notices the reaction that courses through your body the second he rolls it between his fingers.

You buck your hips against him, and he brings his lips down to suck on the side of your breast.

“Mark me.” You encourage, wanting him to leave you with bruises from his mouth.

“Dirty thing,” he moans, fucking up into you, “so fucking wet too. All f’me isn’t it?”

The dirty talk causes you to clench around him, and he picks up on it.

“Jesus, you really are? Like when I say dirty stuff too, clearly.” He grunts.

“Yes, fuck! Please touch me.” You ask, needing to feel more of him, to the point it consumes your senses.

He touches you almost everywhere, with his hands, lips, tongue. All over your body until you genuinely can’t think of anything else.

It leaves your body shaking, and he can tell you’re not going to last much longer going by the clenching of your cunt.

“I’m gonna come if you keep squeezing around me like tha’.” He curses, keeping a fast pace with his hips as you feel the beginning of your high approaching.

It starts to bubble up in the pit of your stomach, “God— you’re so deep.”

“Yea, love? Feel me all the way up here?” He splayed his hand on your lower abdomen and you nod.

“Gonna come soon… please.” Your thighs are going weak from trying to hold your body up, and he notices, flipping you around so he’s on top of you.

The new angle has you biting down on your palm to try and stop yourself from crying out.

“Taking it so well. M’not far off either, baby.” He groans, his thrusts faltering as he bottoms out.

He pushes two fingers past your lips, allowing your tongue to swirl over them before he is removing them. Taking them down to rub over your swollen clit.

The added stimulation is what’s going to tip you over the edge.

“H—fuck—Harry! I’m gonna come!” You moan out, nails scraping down his bicep.

“Good fucking girl,” he prompts, fingers flicking over your clit, “let it all go for me, gush all over my cock.”

His words send you spiralling. And they’re the final push you need before your cunt clamps down around him with a loud moan tearing out of you.

“Fuckfuckfuck!” You’re writhing around him, and he curses at how tight you’re clenching him.

“That’s it, keep fucking going— ride it out on me.” He hisses, hips finally faltering as he feels his cock come inside of you.

Twitching between your warm walls as his stomach muscles contract and ripple with the intensity of his release.

He near buckles on top of you, his body weight pressing against you. And The two of you are panting, still shivering out slight aftershocks of your orgasms.

His forehead rests against yours, and you lean forward to brush a kiss against his parted lips.

Gently, he pulls himself out. A tiny hiss coming from his lips at the sensitivity.

He rolls over, bringing you to lay down on top of him. And you feel the partial heaving of his damp chest below you.

“Thank you…” You mumble out, sounding almost shy.

He picks up on it, “Don’t sound so nervous, darling. Y’were amazing.”

This brings a smile across your lips. It’s safe to assume that maybe things around you are complicated. But actually between the two of you, it’s anything but.

You like him, so much. So you just say it.

“I like you, Harry.”

And he affirms your statement with a kiss to your temple, and says quietly, “I like you too, Y/N. A lot.”

And this feels like an unspoken agreement that maybe the media is only going to get more riled up about the two of you as time goes on, but what you have is something genuinely worth fighting for.

Plus… they already know so, what’s the worse that could really happen now?

———

that was a long one!! hope you all loved it, and thank you so much for the support on this series. and don’t worry, you will definitely still be seeing more of them in the future. 🤍

taglist:

@harrystylesgirlie @purple9950 @teamspideyman @rociolunaa21 @spiritofbuddha @lemonhrry @deamus-liv @Iquvlly @kuntxrgraudunkelbunt @hsfanficsrecss @hsstylesrings @saturnheartz @victoriasigaard @lilfreakjez @mrsvxder @skxawngs @theekyliepage @hannah9921 @shiffpring @multifandomsw @roslastyles420 @slutforcoffein @kittenhere @stylesfever @butterfly-lover @daniizstyles @padf00ts-l0ver @sunflowervol18 @laurxn-robinson @kkr102 @superlegend216 @jerseygirlinca @cherrysulewski

+ all the anons who sent stuff to my submission box, thank you to you guys too, all my love

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Warning! This chapter focus on mental health struggles and body image issues (depression and ed) It’s a little dark so if that is at all potentially triggering to you please be advised and do not interact.

Chapter 20 - Miss Mama | ‘Ours’

“She’s okay? God, please tell me she’s okay.” Trent asked in a voice that was heart wrenching. Lauren felt her heart shatter listening to him sound so meek and broken.

“Erm… physically so so, emotionally, T, I’ll be honest it’s not good. I know she fucked up but this isn’t good for you two to be apart. I’m worried.” Lauren croaked out. “I’m here with her now but….” She tried to begin to provide some sort of update but Trent cut her off.

“I need her to be okay, Lauren. I can’t have her like this. I need her. She… She’s my whole world. I am nothing without her. I’m so worried. I was the one that caused all of this. I need her to be okay.” He started to cry. Lauren could hear the gasps for air and sniffles through the phone. “I.. God, I l..love her so much.” Trent began to stutter interspersed between his tears. Lauren hadn’t really ever heard him cry but she understood wholeheartedly how upset he must’ve felt because she was feeling pretty much the same way.

“I know…  I know you do, T. I think she needs to come home. She needs you. Seriously, I know you guys have a lot to unpack after what’s happened but being away from you, from Teddy… it’s killing her. She’s… she’s not well.” Lauren didn’t know how to describe or even articulate your current state. You were gaunt, your face didn’t have the glow it did when you were with him or your baby. Lauren had seen this version of you before though unfortunately. She hadn’t seen it in years but she’d never forget it. Since Trent entered your life there had been an incandescence about you. Sure, you had dips, everyone does but he was there now to hold you through it all. She recalled an ability you had that she hated to morph your body to completely display your emotional state. Your mental condition contorting into a physical one. “T…” Lauren whimpered, starting to cry. “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I know she’s told you. You’ve been so good for her, you’ve changed her whole outlook on life, you treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I’m just worried because this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this.” Lauren took a deep breath. 

“I am made for her. I know that. That is my purpose. I am supposed to take care of her and cherish her and I was mad, I was upset but I don’t want this. I never wanted to be the one to kick off something like this. God, I’m going fucking mad, here. Why did I let her leave like that ... .Wait, wait, hold on, do what, Laur?” Trent paused his momentary rant to get Lauren to clarify. 

“Winnie told me about the first time. I hadn’t met Y/N yet. She just was so sick. She wasn’t taking care of herself. I know you already know about these things, I don’t have to relay it all to you again. Honestly, I can barely talk about it. I don't want to have to do this anymore” Lauren’s body shuddered remembering other time’s that she’s been in this very situation. “I’ve watched her destroy herself. She lets herself wither away. I've seen it again and again and I thought we were done. I thought that you’d be the person that finally brought her some peace and seeing her like this again… it’s breaking me. When I came into the apartment… god” Lauren continued to cry, her heart hurting thinking about her best friend struggling to see what everyone around her saw. You were beautiful, inside and out and not in a cliche way, in a way that was indisputable and breathtakingly refreshing. Trent’s stomach dropped. He actually thought he might’ve blacked out while Lauren continued talking.  “She’s okay, she’s safe and asleep but she just really doesn’t want to lose you, she couldn’t handle it.” You didn’t always have the strength to push past the type of destruction you’d inflict on yourself over the years but there was something that Trent was able to do that gave you hope, gave you moments of truly feeling love and value. Lauren believed in you. You could be strong but losing Trent was not something she wanted you to have to ever endure. That was your person. The one that was created and cut, defined and detailed just for you.

“Get her back to me, Lauren. I need her. I am not losing her. You will not lose her. This is stopping now. Whatever you need, just get her back home to me. I’m going to take care of her, I promise.” Trent said sternly. This was over. Being apart was over. Honestly, Trent wanted to just fly to New York right now but he couldn’t because he had a match. He wanted to say fuck football. Trust, he never said that and meant it but he did right now. He knew you’d be mad if he did it and he knew it would cause a stir so he bestowed all his trust in Lauren to get you to him.

As you laid in your bed, Trent was unavoidable in your dreams. He was everywhere. You cried in your sleep. Missing him. You couldn’t get up when your eyes began to flutter open, god knows how much longer later. Enough for Lauren to have your next 24 hours already planned out for you at the least. Your body was paralyzed by the crushing weight feeling as if you ruined your impending marriage and family over a stupid night out you took too far. The tears kept falling. In retrospect, you’re not sure they had stopped for the past few days. You were amazed you had any left in your tear ducts. You thought about how beautiful Trent was and how, in a nearly impossible way, what you created together, Teddy, your baby, was even more beautiful. You could hear their laughs echoing in your head in the most cynical mockery of what you were missing. You missed them so much.

You were filled with a mix of fear, regret, anxiety, heartache, and anticipation when Lauren got you back to your house. You felt your body go cold as you approached your once incredibly warm front door. Lauren stayed outside calling Jude for her own moral support that she needed. You were in a haze but this was really difficult on her as well. You punched in the front door’s code and heard the lock turn and shift. You grabbed the handle and pushed. The smell of your house hit you like a freight train. You could’ve physically fallen over with the amount of memories that flooded your mind at the scent. You covered your face with your hands for a moment and took a deep breath trying to compose yourself. You dropped your bag and your Rimowa at the door just the way you hated Trent did.  The alarm beep rang through the house alerting that a door had opened. The sound was like catnip. You heard the pitter patter of bare feet running clumsily on the hardwood floors. Around the corner swung the most perfect little girl. Her hair laid flat pulled into a bun with a few ringlet curls escaping. She had a light pink shirt on dragging a bear on the ground behind her with one arm holding its paw in her hand. You started to cry immediately.

“Mama!” Teddy cried. Tears coursing down her cheeks. Her initial excitement of who was at the front door halted by the surprise of how much she missed you. This was so unfair to her. You sat on the floor and pulled her into your embrace engulfing her. You sobbing along with her.

“My baby. I missed you so much. I love you so much.  I’m so sorry mummy was away. I’m so sorry, baby.” You pressed your lips to her hair and shut your eyes tight. She didn't really understand why you'd been away but boy was she happy to see you. You never wanted to let go of this little girl. Teddy continued to weep but she slowed eventually. Your hold of her only seeming to get tighter though as she fell into shorter breaths and sounds of hiccups 

“Miss my mama.” She cooed talking into your shirt. You squeezed her that much tighter. Your hand running over her head before you loosened your hold to be able to look at her. You pressed her nose against hers. “Mama no sad.” She whimpered, being able to see how visibly upset you were. It hadn’t actually been more than 72 hours that all this unfolded but you felt like she managed to grow up somehow. She was so emotionally attuned and intelligent. She nuzzled her face into the nape of your neck comforted by your smell and you by hers. 

“Oh baby, I know, I know you missed mama. I missed you so much. I’m not sad, I’m just so happy to see my little Teddy bear, yeah? Were you good for daddy?” The question just fell out like a habit. You shut your eyes barely able to process saying his name to her. It was then you heard ‘daddy’s’ footsteps coming to stand close but what still felt far away watching you in the foyer. He could tell immediately you’d lost weight in the span of days. The curve of your shoulder looked different, your cheekbones just a little more defined. 

“Dada! Mama home!” Teddy pulled away from you and turned around to Trent to tell him the exciting news. He nodded with a smile at her, not looking at you. You weren’t sure if this would be all that exciting of news to him. Nevertheless, you got yourself up on shaky legs. He came over to you in what felt like slow motion. You told yourself you wouldn’t cry. He hated when you cried and you didn’t want to upset him more but you thought you might seeing his gorgeous face again. You had no idea where the two of you stood. He said he was done but you were back home by Lauren's guidance for the sake of your daughter.  She didn’t want to do any of the talking for Trent, she was simply acting as a delivery woman. Trent extended one arm out to you. His big hand grabbing the back of your neck harshly, almost aggressively pulling your sylphlike body into his strong one. He brought his other arm around you slipping low across the small of your back the way he usually did. It was a bone crushing embrace. You felt his chest tremble and then he sniffed in harshly as he began to cry. You made him cry. You shut your eyes, extending the persistence of the horrible feelings you’d had for days. 

“I love you.” You whispered, tucking your face against his neck. Your nose flattened against his soft skin. Teddy stood quietly holding onto your leg not ready to let go. Lauren snuck into the house quietly and grabbed her. “I’m sorry.” you whimpered barely audible. You took a deep breath reveling in the feeling of his warm hold, relief and fear concomitantly falling over you.

“Don’t fucking ever leave us again. Your home, your place in this world is right here in my arms with our little girl. We cannot survive without you here. Do you understand me?” Trent cooed with a stern but shaky voice keeping you tight to his chest. You nodded as your pervasive tears returned. More and more falling the longer he held you. “We love you. God, fuck… I am so in love with you Y/N. Please don’t ever leave me. No matter how much I push, no matter what’s happening, you cannot leave.” He pleaded begging you more than he was instructing you.  

“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want you to not want me anymore. I want to come home, T. You’re the love of my life. You’re the only way I’m able to breathe.” You placed your hand over your heaving chest because your heart began to hurt so badly. 

“You can’t go anywhere else. Not letting you.” He said with a desperate release of air. Your other hand’s nails dug into his cotton t-shirt covering his back. You let him cry, loosening your claw and rubbing circles with your hand on his lower back whilst the other moved off your chest to gently scratch his scalp until he was able to calm down.

“You never cry…” You made the observation giving him a sad smile in between gasping breaths. You wiped the tears under his eyes gently. Guilt and empathy running down your face. 

“You’re worth crying for, baby.” he cupped your cheek. The heartfelt way he said baby to you returning, stilling your racing mind. He looked into your eyes and you felt everything around you disappear. Every worry, every physical thing around you vanishing, only him left. He kissed you and it was like someone restarted your whole nervous system. The cogs in your brain began turning again, the blood in your body began to pump again, your heart began beating again, the color began to rush back into your cheeks. “You owe me a few days of kisses, yeah? Teddy too. She’s desperate, apparently I’m not the same as mama.” He cooed, pulling away momentarily letting you know the work that laid ahead of you before returning his lips to their rightful place on yours.

“Oh no…” you couldn’t help but giggle picturing the conversations they must’ve had. Your lips curling into a toothy smile inadvertently pulling them off his. Listening to the two of them together was precious, you could only imagine what they were saying when they were alone. It made your heart swell seeing those two identical faces together.  “What’d she say?” you asked curious to hear about the exchange. 

“Nah, she had me running, you know? I felt like she knew the game she was playing as well. Dada want this, dada up, dada quiet. Just command after command and then in swept the critiques.” You smiled seeing his eyes light up recalling their days and Teddy’s hold over him.

“No mama does!” She rattled off squirming away as he attempted to do her hair after he placed her on his lap in front of him in a mirror in her room.

“I know she’s the best at it but can you let daddy do it today?” He asked her politely. He pulled her curls back into the best bun he could manage. Brushing it slicked back. She furrowed her brow at the finished product. He looked at her trying to make out why she wasn’t happy. He thought he did a good job.

“Bow! Dada bow, please.” She looked at him back through the mirror like he was dumb pressing her palm onto his thigh. Obviously, he forgot a bow. How did he not know that? He placed it and sighed. He kissed her cheek and plopped her on her own two feet.

“Are we hungry this morning? I am. I’m thinking we have the toastie you like.” Trent cooed looking at her as they walked down the hall inspecting his handiwork on her hair trying to find a flaw that warranted her disgruntled response. Teddy replied with a simple ‘yuck’ keeping her gaze fixed ahead focused on her tiny steps. “What why? What do you want then?” He asked inquisitively with a bit of a smile. It was hard not to laugh at her developing personality. He held her hand but let her navigate the grand staircase in your house roughly by herself. 

“Mama.” She responded to him confidently and calmly knowing not what she wanted to eat but very certain she’d prefer you to be there to make it for her.

“Yeah, well same…” Trent exhaled, inspecting the empty refrigerator he knew you usually filled with all the things you knew he and Teddy liked. It was the little things you did that had disappeared in front of his eyes now missing them tremendously in a day's time.

“I mean… it wasn’t good, baby.” His smile faded as he recalled the last couple days that were filled with some cute moments but more so difficult ones.

“Baby?” You asked, interested if that’s where you stood now. Were you on good terms? One of the last times he said it it really stung.

“Yeah, my baby. Forever but we really need to talk.” He spoke to you softly before taking your hand and guiding you into the cinema. It made you nervous hearing the door shut behind you. The noise reminding you the room had sound proof walls. God, you hoped this wasn’t going to be another loud fight like the one that transpired in your kitchen where you’d need those walls.

“I know we’re talking and it’s serious but…” You took a deep breath and tried to fight back tears. You sat on opposite sides of the couch in the room awkwardly as if you had just met. You looked at him with a pout and puppy dog eyes.  “I’m scared and I really need you. Can you just hold me please?” You whimpered out, quite pathetic. 

“C’mere, pretty girl. This is where you’re supposed to be, yeah?” He smiled softly, loving hearing that you needed him, that he was a comfort to you. You relaxed in his arms, relieved that was the vibe and not you two raising your voices. You laid your head on his shoulder. Trent hugged you tightly and you couldn’t hold back the tears that began to run down your face. You bawled his shirt in your fists.

“T… Who was that in the photos?” You sheepishly asked, unable to keep it inside anymore. You wanted to get what felt like the hard bit out of the way. You were lying to yourself and using him as a scapegoat. This wasn’t the hard part by a long shot. No matter his answer, there was a massive elephant in the room and it was you but you couldn’t shake the photos online of him and that woman. The thought of someone else, another girl spending time alone with him. Her somehow becoming his best friend. Him choosing her over you. 

“Baby…” He drew out the pet name, saddened you’d seen the photos and imagined something completely incorrect. 

“If you did, I’d understand.” You cut him off before he even answered you, excusing an action he didn’t do. He dropped his head back against the couch frustrated this was still where you were at, that things didn’t magically change when you walked back into the house. You believed he could treat you like that and it would be an okay thing, something you might’ve deserved.

“Stop. I didn’t do anything. It was George’s cousin. Baby… we gotta work through this. You need to understand I’m committed to you. This is why I met with her. You need…” He trailed off feeling awkward and terrible for what he was about to say. “ You need help.” He muttered out. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all, T, the final, New York.  I never wanted to hurt you.” You apologized earnestly.

“You didn’t hurt me, I mean you did but I’m more concerned about you hurting yourself. I was scared. I know Lauren told Jude not to but baby, we’re all really worried. They both told me about what happened in the apartment in New York…” He sighed hating that you were even having to have this conversation. You exhaled his name, defeated feeling the same. “Nah, I don’t want a defense or excuse. I can’t lose you.” He tried to deter you from the innate need to defend yourself. 

“Before Wembley… I don’t know. I got too drunk and I was alone and I got sad. It was a one off.” You had no ground to stand on, any reasoning would’ve been illogical but you felt the words jumbled rolling off your tongue. 

“It’s not. When Lauren visited, you got so sad, baby. It’s just not, you’ve said it’s happened before. Your dad told me, Winnie’s told me, Lauren’s told me. It might not be happening in front of me but it’s happening. Baby, I get that it…” He tried to keep talking to you but you gave him a face you gave to a lot of people. A facade of interest. A mask being pulled in front of your face, the elastic band snapping behind your head securing it. “Don’t…” he reprimanded you knowing it all too well. “Fine, I can’t understand but I imagine it’s hard to talk about. I’m scared. I’ll be the one to say it, alright? I’m fucking scared, Y/N.” He sheepishly admitted to you. Feeling like he failed by doing so. “We need to go to a doctor. I don’t mean this derogatorily I just think someone could help. I'm out of my depth here. I don’t want anything to happen to you. To my Y/N. To my baby’s mum.” He defeatedly let out. You could feel his heart racing pressed against you. You had so much to say but nothing would come out. You cuddled into him, laying your head on his chest. “I love you so much.” He whispered, breathing you in. Transitioning from sheer desperation to admiration for your body in his hands right now. Jesus Christ, what had happened? In a weird way he began to wonder if he felt like he had used you. “Am I making things worse?” He questioned you terrified of your potentially heartbreaking answer. You shook your head ‘no.’ Why didn’t this stuff go on in front of him? The inability to keep up with a golden boy wasn’t the problem but it was hard to not feel downtrodden. Trent was empathetic, he could hear it in the way you cried in the kitchen before you left.

'You expect me to be this perfect version 24/7 but I’m not. I’m not!” You kept crying. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m trying but I can’t be like you, okay?” You whimpered, feeling defeated and broken.'

You didn’t really blame Trent for being good at well… life. Instead, you felt a crushing amount of guilt and shame for not simply being enough. The inability to measure up not to him but for him. You felt so tender in his arms like if he moved suddenly or too rough you’d break or bruise. He thought about the way he had sex with you, the way he uprooted you to England, the way he got you pregnant. He felt horrible that he inflicted so much on you physically. He just wanted to take care of you but alternatively, you’d never felt less used. The exact scenarios he was recalling flashed through your mind in the most blissfully painful way. You shut your eyes again. You wouldn’t change a thing, a lie, maybe a few things on your end but overall, no. His hands on you felt alleviating and comforting all the time. Even if he was fucking you roughly, even if you were jet lagged flying places to see him, even the grueling process of labor was fine all because he was there. 

“Thank you for caring.” You muttered out embarrassingly honestly, finally finding some words that you felt wholeheartedly would be good to start with. Trent’s heart, if it hadn’t already when he saw you come back into your house, it surely did just completely shatter. He kissed your hair and then over your ear before whispering to you. 

“I will always care about you. More than you could ever understand. I will do anything for you…” he paused and let out a breathy sigh. “Anything.” The warmth of his breath, the drag of his lips moving down your skin sent a shiver running up your spine. 

“T, we shouldn't, it's too soon.” You moaned feeling his lips cascade down the length of your jaw. The mood in the room shifting in slow motion. He didn’t mean to, it just was instinctual. His big hands moving the fabric of your top further and further up, finding more and more of your bare skin. You pushed yourself back into him, rolling your head to the side. Telling him one thing out loud and asking for something completely different silently. 

“It’s fine. We’re fine, baby. We’re gonna be fine.”  He rattled off, not able to think very clearly lost in a very thick haze feeling your body again.

“We can’t do this, T. I have more to say.” You whined, not meaning half the words you said. You definitely wanted to do this but you also did have more to say. He had no control at this point and you hated that it turned you on so much. His desire for you would always trump any sense of reasoning you had. You couldn’t stop him because the sensations running through you were invincible. The physical attraction and the sexual desire between you would always pull you back together. 

“No, no, this is going to be really good. I fucking need you. I missed you so much..” You turned towards him with a desperate look on your face. Your eyes filled with lust. Trent could get hard off the look on your face alone but feeling you again, touching you again was setting him off. He pulled you into a messy make out gripping your face before pushing you backwards onto more of the couch crawling over you. “We need this. You need this.” He whispered, breathing you in and moving his kisses to your neck. You kept him close to you pulling him to you by his face. His hands dropped to your waist. He was right, you needed this, you needed him. His soft warm hands pushed your shirt up to feel more of you. 

“I love you, baby.” You murmured your lips unable to not pull into a smile. He sighed into the crook of your neck hearing you say that. You brought your legs to wrap around him digging your heels into his back. You couldn’t think about anything else but him for the last few days and right now was no different. 

“I love you so much.” He cooed and his voice never sounded more caring and honest. He spoke into your warm skin, kissing them into the most sensitive part of your neck. The whole thing feels more intimate than ever. Love filling the room to the brim. He reached between you and looped the two layers of his boxer and trousers pulling both off. He revealed his tone v line and you let out an embarrassing moan, you taking your own clothes off swiftly. He pulled away from you and looked at your bare body. You felt so naked and vulnerable, he could sense your nerves. He tilted your face towards his holding your cheek. “What are you being shy about? It’s just me, yeah?” He waited for you. You nodded pulling him back into a kiss. You sighed in the kiss dragging your nails up his chest. He repositioned his body over yours and dragged the tip of his leaking cock through your folds. 

“T… please, I need you.” You whined. He smiled happy you were back to your normal comfortable self with him. He slowly eased into your dripping wet pussy. You moaned as Trent treaded carefully moving slowly inside. His face fell into your neck groaning at the feeling of you wrapping around him. He moved slowly but precisely. Your nails dug into his back as he kissed your skin. Each stroke loving and thoughtful. He picked up his pace though lost in the feeling. 

“You feel so good, baby.” He grunted pushing your thigh up further to your side, hitting deeper inside you. The grip of his fingers on you dug into your soft thigh. He found the spot inside you only knew, only for him, only for you, repeatedly 

“Baby, oh my god, T. I missed you. I’m so sorry. I love you.” You were unable to stop your babbles. Tears began to fill your waterline.

“Don’t be. I love you. You’re here with me. Be here with me. Fuck, you feel so good. Let me take care of you” He inhaled a sharp breath. His dimples s sank into cheeks as he gave a sincerely sad and sympathetic smile. “Tell me your mine, baby.” He murmured continuing to thrust into in a way that was so euphoric your tears began to fall. His voice was breathy against your ear feeling the same amount of emotion you were feeling. The weight of his body on top of yours feeling like nothing compared to the weight lifting off you two. Your orgasm approached faster and faster, minute after minute. He bit onto your earlobe and tugged, grabbing your attention. 

“I’m yours, Trent. I’m always gonna be yours.” You whimpered. His mahogany eyes poured back into yours. He felt his heart skip a beat when you pulled him back down into a kiss. He fucked you harder with a harsh grunt juxtaposed by the sweetest kiss to the bridge of your nose. Your hand dragged down from behind his neck down the protruding veins of his arms until you reached the rigid texture of the Patek Phillipe watch he had wrapped on his wrist. The knot in your stomach tightened. It only took a few more mind numbing thrusts before Trent’s head dropped into your neck. Your climax erupting inside of you, your vision going white. His cock throbbed inside of you, beginning to paint your walls. You moaned ‘I love yous’ simultaneously. You felt him pouring into you. Waves upon waves of pleasure coursing through both of you. You hid your face against him. He slowed and you felt your bottom lip quiver against his skin. An uncontrollable sob escaped you. Your emotions bubbled over once more. Trent pulled out as gently as he could. He rolled off of you but was swift pulling you back into him. You clung to him crying. 

“I’m right here.” He whispered, pulling you that much closer to him and yet it wasn’t close enough. You wanted to be completely surrounded by him. “Can you look at me, baby?”  He sounded so worried. You shook your head ‘no.’  “Y/N…” He grabbed your face gently and turned you towards him. “I need to know you’re okay.” He asked softly. More tears escaped.

“I’m okay… just love you so much, T.” You pouted up at him and you felt his tense hold relax. “I love you.” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek the way you always pretended to hate but secretly loved. You wiped his wet spit off of you and giggled. Trent felt relief wash over him when he heard his favorite sound in the world. 

“Oh wow… so mummy and daddy are… fine.” Lauren laughed carrying Teddy past the cinema minutes okay from upstairs into the kitchen. She was currently FaceTiming Jude biding her time while watching Teddy for you and Trent to ‘talk.’ “I think they’re fine. I mean they’re fucking so it’s either a really good thing or a really bad thing.” She laughed. Hoping for the first option. “Should we make you some lunchtime, hmm?” She cooed to the little girl in her arms while Teddy eagerly nodded trying to grab hold of her phone curious about Jude on the other end. 

“You’re good with kids, Laur.” Jude spoke through her phone with a cheeky smile seeing her so attentive and kind to Teddy. 

“I think I’m just good with Teddy. She's chill so it doesn’t really count. I know this is how it works but she’s the perfect blend of them. All the best things I like rolled into the cutest, squishiest, baby girl in the whole world!” Lauren sang in a soft voice, pinching at Teddy’s tummy. Her squeal shrieking through the phone, Jude blinking his eyes a few times, taken aback by her response to Lauren.

“All done mama!” Teddy yelled as you met them in the kitchen, flush. You pressed a kiss to Teddy's hair on your way to get the water you needed desperately before attending to her. She had finished eating the lunch Lauren kindly had made for her.  

“Good girl.” You cooed with a smile. Lauren sat with a smug look on her face as she waited for the inevitable late entrance of Trent, who, when he did stride in, looked absolutely fucking elated.

“Dada miss mama,” Teddy told you as she saw Trent enter. It was an over simplified way saying Trent had really missed you. He sadly and softly smiled at you hearing her. Your heart broke a little that she’d been able to piece it together, that she could sense Trent’s sad mood. 

“Mummy loves you so much.” He’d reassure her feeling completely unsure of what was going on in your relationship.The few nights you were away Trent would tuck Teddy in as she cried.  Teddy would fall asleep only comforted by Trent babbling on little stories and tidbits about you, how perfect you were, how much you likely missed her. They’d watch videos of you and he’d melt.  “Want to see something baby? Want to see the day I met mummy?” He laughed remembering a specific video he had on his phone, he wanted to watch. Teddy nodded tiredly, adjusting to the new routine activity. He was a little embarrassed he even had it but it made him remember a really good time despite things being so bad right now. You likely didn’t even know this video existed. He kept it in a locked folder on his phone primarily where all your nudes and let’s say spicer videos lived. He smiled seeing you like that. Vulnerable, needy for him and in love. You looked gorgeous. He dragged his thumb over the screen. He just wanted to feel your soft skin again as he carefully picked the video of you out of the roll making sure not to pick the wrong one before he showed Teddy. It was a video Marcel had sent around in a snapchat which seemed mundane at the time. He remembered Jude teasing him about it the following day as you laid on his chest, experiencing a new warm feeling of comfort. The video was strangely endearing, like you could see your connection in real time. Energy and force pushing you together. The earth letting out a sigh of relief finally getting two people that were meant to be connected.

“Mama pwety.” Teddy looked up at him cuddling a plush bear with big sleepy eyes as they looked at the thumbnail before he pressed play. He nodded at her.  “Yeah, you have the most beautiful mummy in the world.” He confirmed to your daughter with a sigh before he hit play. Hearing your coquettish laugh in the video cozying up to him in a club years ago just about sent him into cardiac arrest. It hurt. God, did it hurt. 

“Oh, I missed you both lots.” You cooed, kissing her. She smiled, little dimples indenting in her cheeks. A very visual confirmation she was Trent’s little girl. You’ve said it before but you were comedically jealous of the genetics Teddy was inheriting from him. 

“More plebs!” Teddy screamed, grabbing for you. “Mama, miss!” She giggled loving that you were back and really loving your kisses, kicking her feet in her chair. She greedily hummed. “Lub my mummy.” She squealed excitedly. You wanted to cry but you didn’t want to stop kissing her to so you held off. 

“Mummy gives the best kisses, huh?” Trent cooed, bending over in front of Teddy to plant a kiss on your cheek with a hum. 

“You’d know…” Lauren quipped cheekily eliciting a proud  augh from Trent and a raised eyebrow from you. 

When Teddy eventually got sleepy you brought her upstairs for sleep. You went to her nursery and you pouted seeing that Trent had nestled one of your softest jumpers in her crib, the smell of you still lingering. There was a little framed photo of your family moved from its original place propped closer for her to see. You started crying so hard you had to sit down. You couldn’t believe you put your child through this, you couldn’t believe you put Trent through this. Trent came upstairs and you met him in your bedroom after you had calmed yourself down on your own. He held you in bed in a close cuddle. 

“I can’t remember ever going to bed without saying goodnight before. I hated this so much, baby.” You whispered into the dark room as he caressed your warm skin under a tiny camisole you had on. 

“We’re never doing this again. I’m sorry I got so upset.” He cooed behind the shell of your ear pressing his lips against you. You both stayed awake in a warm cuddle. You didn’t know what time it was but it as the color of sky outside fell into that warm navy color, you’d guess around 4 am though. 

“Do you still want to marry me?” You asked after a few hours of not talking, just happy to be back in his arms and good graces. Neither of you wanted to fall asleep but not out of worry, but out of comfort. You didn’t want to lose the cognizance of his presence, what he felt like, what he smelt like. 

“Not a single second went by where I ever questioned that, okay?” He hummed. You smiled through a pout. You’d hope that was true. He meant it though. He didn’t waver in his commitment to you. He told Tyler he had no plans of leaving you. Through all of this it didn’t even pop in his head you would call off the marriage. Maybe he was angry and didn’t like how things currently were but not have you, not marry you? Never. You turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed you back and shut his eyes, getting tired, not being able to keep them open anymore. You let him rest but you stayed awake inspecting his features. You brought your hand up to his face and tracing his perfectly plump lips. You brushed your thumb over his high cheekbones. You started to fall asleep then dropping your face in his neck, tucked carefully under his chin, wrapping your arms around his waist, legs tangled together. You kissed his warm skin drowsily, letting him know how much you loved him even while he slept. He woke up first the next day. He did the same as you did last night inspecting your features. The morning sun seeped through your blinds. The golden light casting over you. You looked radiant and luminescent but your soul, your heart, he could feel it. It was more striking than your beauty. He kissed your forehead before pulling you that much tighter to him. 

Trent had his last game of the season. It was a little surreal mostly because you realized that when the next season began you would be married, the surname on the jersey you were in, would be your own. Lauren and Marcel accompanied you along with Teddy. You wished Marcel would shut up so you could live in your moment of bliss imagining being his brother’s wife and admire Trent in peace. The way sweat dripped over his adams apple, his jersey sticking a little to his abs, his cheekbones highlighted by the floodlights. He looked unreal. Lauren went inside and Marcel looked at you curiously. You could feel his eyes but you ignored him until he spoke.

“Going to tell me how things have been?” He looked at you completely ignoring the game now. You rolled your eyes but he was persistent. 

“Yeah, all fine” You said dismissively, keeping your eyes on Trent whilst tucking a loose curl behind Teddy’s ear. He rolled his eyes now at you.

“Y/N… you know you have to let us in, let him in, let me in. I don’t get why you didn't tell me to begin with?” He spoke, sounding heartfelt, keeping his gaze fixed on you. 

“When was I supposed...” You sighed stopping yourself from starting to defend yourself but you could see his brow raise in annoyance. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t want to scare anyone.” You exhaled feeling a lot of guilt wash over you. He was one of your best friends and you had been extremely selfish not considering how he must’ve felt and dense assuming he wouldn’t want to know.

“Well, you did a really bad job.” He laughed and it made you smile. You felt relieved he was at least being normal again with you.  

“Marce… “ You sheepishly got out. “I’m so sorry” you apologized earnestly, leaning your head on his shoulder. He rested his head on top of yours.

“We love you. Just want mummy healthy, right Ted?” He cooed picking up Teddy from you from under her arms. Her eyes lit up. 

‘Lub mama, Celly!” She giggled, reaching to hug him wrapping herself around his neck. You pulled her Liverpool jersey down for her covering her back. You smiling at her voice. She loved him so much. To be fair, Marcel just had good vibes and since having Teddy you felt like kids had a great gauge of people. There was something that was so endearing about her relationship with him. She trusted him and was comforted by him, it made you feel incredibly relaxed knowing she’d always have her uncles and your sister. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine.” Trent whispered, kissing your head. You held Teddy and smiled for the annual end of season family photo you so loved. Trent was staring at you though not the cameras. You had gone down onto the pitch for one final lap after the match. It was lovely as always. Sweet and a bit emotional. 

“Always yours.” You cooed, turning to kiss him. Teddy quick to want the same amount of attention you were giving each other. She pulled at your shirt with a cute grunt. “Yes, yes and you are ours, Teddy girl.” You kissed her with an eccentric ‘Mwah!’ her giggle following.

When you finally were driving home, you were tired, Teddy already fast asleep, and Trent absolutely exhausted. Needless to say it was a quiet ride. You looked at Trent as the colored lights lining the motorway leaked into the car. You smiled admiring his beauty. His focus on the road but yours on his jawline strikingly sharp. 

“What are you staring at me for?” He laughed, calling you out, flashing his eyes your way quickly. You giggled sliding your hand over onto his face brushing your thumb over his cheek.

“You’re so pretty. Do you know that?” You cooed admiring his annoying perfect skin, despite his annoyingly minimal effort.

“Yeah, obviously.” He replied with a straight face before he couldn’t hold in the cheeky childish smile he was trying to keep down. His perfect grin made your heart hurt. He was so pretty but you rolled your eyes at his pompousness. “Don’t pull a bird like you looking anything but leng.” He turned his adorable look to you.

“Yeah? How did you even manage to bag me?” You teased with a giggle. His smile staying put hearing the sound but he rolled his eyes at your joke. He tapped at his cheek with his free hand, keeping the other draped over the steering wheel. You raised your eyebrows at his gesture.

“Go on…” He instructed you. You laughed again and pressed a kiss where his fingers had been tapping. “Thank youuu.” He sang.

“Ridiculous.” You reached over again to him and squeezed his thigh. 

“Erm… Ow? I just played 97 minutes. Keep your hands to yourself.” He quipped. You squeezed his thigh again just because. You knew he liked the attention. He loves when you give it to him and he can just annoy you in return. 

“You love my hands on you. So full of it, you know.” You giggled with one more squeeze than attempted to remove your hand but he was quick to place his over top of it to keep it on him. 

“I do. I really love your hands on me.” He cooed in a voice that made you feel like you had a juvenile crush on him. You were flustered by the flirtatious comment. He could feel your arm tense a little so instead of keeping your hand on his thigh, he picked it up and brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“T… do you want to take me on a date this week?” You asked him bluntly, turning the direction of the conversation. You liked him flirting with you right now and you wanted more. You thought it’d be nice to have a night out just you two. Probably a good thing considering what had transpired.

“Yeah? Want me to?” He smiled big again squeezing your hand. You nodded in an adorably naive way.  “Yeah, beautiful, I’ll take you out.” He cooed turning towards you again. His mind beginning to comb through ideas of where he wanted to take you. You leaned over once more unprovoked to give him another kiss on the cheek before you tucked back in your seat shutting your eyes and resting your head onto the window. “Alright, sleepy girls, we’re home.” Trent’s voice waking you up from a daze you didn’t know you had fallen into. You turned to him with a tired pout as if to ask ‘can you please carry me inside?’ He laughed getting out of the car. He came around and opened your door but then he stepped away and opened the back seat. “I’m gonna carry our literal baby but if you want to wait I’ll come back and get you.” He mocked you. You obviously weren’t going to wait outside so you begrudgingly got out of the car yourself. Trent picked up Teddy gently making sure she didn’t wake. He held her tight to him. You shut the door of the car for him and followed them, proceeding to slip your arms around his waist and resting your forehead against his back. He shook his head as he got both his sleepy girls to bed. 

The next day you were getting ready to go to Dianne’s house up in your bedroom's wardrobe. You were doing your best to get back into your routine. Lauren was still there, leaving soon, but you had promised Dianne you’d go see her with Teddy. She heard rumblings about the situation, naturally. Trent had confided in her early on in your relationship when you first let it slip you had struggled with your health to him. He’d never really thought about something like that affecting someone he knew. He had girl friends and girlfriends but he never had a sister he had to share a bathroom with growing up. He didn’t know girls were skipping meals and doing diets or maybe the more extreme things you had been doing that you shared with him. She of course was empathetic to him and did her best to be a sounding board and not intrude but as a mum, as a person who knew you and loved you, she was concerned. So you promised you’d go. 

“Hey… have you seen my Van Clef?” you asked vaguely to Trent. “Like our one?” You clarified more as you were trying to put final touches on your outfit.  He puffed out some air realizing that he was going to have to confront his mistake head on. He hated himself. He had been trying to avoid it but of course you were looking for it, you wore it almost everyday.

“Baby…” he called you, watching nervously. You hummed acknowledging him as you dug through your wardrobe thinking maybe you had misplaced it. “It’s not here.” He told you sheepishly. You gave him a side eye confused but when he didn’t speak you turned your whole body to him. 

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.” At first, maybe you thought this was some sweet ploy of his. He came to you and slipped his hands around your waist. When he dropped his forehead against yours you felt the energy shift in the room. This wasn’t some goofy thing he was serious about something. 

“I had to bring it in to get repaired.” He got his words out so slow you clung to each one in anticipation. Your brow furrowed. He exhaled, dropping his shoulders. He wished he could lie but he knew it'd be wrong to. He was asking you to be honest with him; it would be incredibly hypocritical. “I found it when you were gone and I don’t know I just snapped and then it snapped.” He shut his eyes. You let out a measly ‘oh’ you felt the things he did when it happened. That necklace was your relationship and he had destroyed it. You were definitely in the wrong but it made you feel so sad you were actively trying not to cry or react. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened it just felt like such a punch in the gut finding it. I though that you didn’t want it or you left it, left me… it hurt. I’m sorry. Fuck.” He babbled incredibly quickly. You usually were fine with his accented words but your eyes narrowed trying to focus your spinning mind on what he was saying. His accent would come in thick sometimes and disappear other days. Relaxing with his friends at home, their words could feel like another language. Nervous doing press, he was more conscious of what he was saying, letting it slip away. 

“It’s fine… I guess.” You gave him a soft smile wishing you didn’t say the last bit. “I understand.” You kissed the tip of his nose and pulled yourself out of his hold. The room went ice cold. Trent’s mind was just filled with his inner voice screaming ‘fuck.’ It was hard not to notice the mood change after that. He hated it. “T, I didn’t leave it on purpose…” you told him right before you left, kissing his cheek, holding Teddy and heading to your car. You were so swift; he didn't even have the opportunity to respond.

“Laur... what am I meant to do here? Things aren’t just going to snap back.” Trent sighed, squinting, picking up his hand to shield his eyes to better make out Lauren’s face. They were sitting in your back garden as the English summer sun beat down on them. They stayed at home while you popped to Dianne’s. Despite your upset about your necklace it did make you happy that your best friend and your fiance “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like a kid. I feel like I’m making stupid mistakes.” Trent was thinking about breaking the necklace. You’d probably be just as upset if he had managed to break your engagement ring but in a way this had stung more. The necklace was a decision he made before, a decision he made off of instinct, under your nose, completely infatuated by you. It was such an indication of how he felt about you from the very beginning and it was gone. A part of you was happy you didn’t have any visual of it all.

“You’re not but I know the feeling. If you didn’t pick up I was going to call your mum the other day. I was in a moment of introspection on the flight over and I almost laughed. Your mum? Oh hiya erm… can you help… embarrassing.” Lauren rattled off what felt like a million different thoughts. She shook her head but noticed Trent faint smirk on his face not pulling into a full smile but drifting into a tight line. 

“Maybe we should’ve.” He reflected. Maybe Dianne would’ve been more of a help than him. “Like she’s fine most of the time right? I make her happy? I try so hard and yet some days I can feel it like nothing could ever change it all.” He spoke looking and sounded defeated. 

“It’s not you T… She loves you so much. You make her happy, she’ll be okay, but she is the only one that can change it. You’re there for her and that’s the most important. She needs you and Teddy.” Lauren kept her eyes locked on his, making sure he knew she was being serious. She meant what she was saying. He couldn’t fix things but he was essential. Trent responded only with a soft ‘yeah.’ He thought to himself though that what you really needed was for him to repair your necklace and your relationship.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 21 xx

[vaniloqu3nce]

Yoko Headcanons Pt 2

Yoko’s parents are an extremely wealthy and notorious vampire coven from Japan. They put plenty of expectations on Yoko throughout her childhood to be perfect and uphold their family’s image.

Yoko knew she was gay from a very young age but knew her parents would never approve. She played the perfect daughter but really she was sneaking girls home, partying, generally prioritizing her own happiness once she was old enough to understand what makes her happy.

Yoko’s parents had no idea what she was up to until she was caught. She was sent to Nevermore to reform.

She did NOT reform.

Yoko flirts shamelessly, with anyone. Even Wednesday occasionally (though playfully) up until she realizes Enid has a crush, then she tries to befriend Wednesday in order to make sure she’s good for Enid.

Wednesday and Yoko actually become decent friends and bond over their in depth knowledge of old horror media.

Yoko LOVES Wednesday’s books she’s basically the number one fan after page one.

Yoko: Is your girlfriend done with chapter twenty nine yet Enid i cannot wait this long

Enid: Yoko its three am STOP TEXTING ME

Yoko and Wednesday are an awesome sarcastic duo.

Thing Enid Yoko and Wednesday have horror movie nights in which the gfs cuddle and our favorite man and Yoko criticize outfits, set design, camera angles, how realistic the blood is, and so on.

Enid is terrified so she’s mostly hiding in Wednesday’s chest while scrolling through her phone and Wednesday holds Enid the whole time and Wednesday will occasionally comment on Thing and Yoko’s conversation if she has something to add.

Wednesday: It’s not that easy to hold a severed head. They’re quite heavy.

Yoko has a lot of trouble focusing and finding interest in school, so Enid helps with homework and classwork because Yoko’s parents will kill her if her grades don’t remain perfect.

Yoko is very confident and charming when it comes to flirting with someone she has no interest in romantically pursuing. Which is basically ever girl ever.

Yoko gets very nervous and flustered when she actually likes someone. She can trip over her words (very unlike her) or just completely brain fart.

Divina: Yoko, are you listening

Yoko, who was just staring and thinking about how pretty Divina is: wha?-I mean yes absolutely.

I raise you demiromantic Yoko.

I raise you Yoko who has a hard time expressing herself emotionally because her parents didn’t allow it.

I raise you Yoko being absolutely smitten with Divina out of all people and hates herself for it because love scares her.

I raise you Divina not wanting anything with Yoko to be public because Yoko gets around and she’s not ashamed of it, and Divina is worried about her image/what people would think/her parents finding out.

I raise you Yoko for the first time in a long time realizing she wants someone forever and that terrifies her so she never makes anything official.

I raise you them both learning how to work through their fears and vulnerabilities together. Yoko teachers Divina how to prioritize her happiness instead of doing whatever her parents want and being unhappy. Divina teachers Yoko how to open up, helps her stay organized and on track in school, teaches Yoko how to keep herself organized with little neat schedules and notes.

Yoko’s love language is very physical.

I raise you Enid being the best friend possible and supporting her best friend despite Yoko hiding her relationship with Divina for some time.

I raise you Wednesday telling Yoko to get her shit together when she’s flirting with other girls because shes scared of committing to Divina.

Finally I raise you Yoko and Enid being the worst possible pair of lesbian best friends ever.

Yoko: Divina can step on my throat and id thank her

Enid: Wednesday is so pretty id let her run me over twice

[frnkiebby]

You really gotta start posting sources

okay so this is a rant and a half bc i’m just so physically, mentally, and emotionally fucking tired.

believe it or not anon, i don’t go out and find frimages specifically for this blog. i literally, on my down time when im bored, or am having a shitty day, just scroll through apps and the internet looking at frank. i save pics to my phone that i like and put them in my frank album bc i enjoy looking at frank iero. i made this blog to scream about frank purely for myself. i didn’t make this blog with the goal of documenting frimages. this is a purely selfish blog. it’s very incredibly cool to me that i have a solid number of followers, but i literally couldn’t give a flying fuck if i have 20 or 2,000. because again. i just like to scream about frank and i tag my shit so i can search back in my blog for a specific pic easier than i can in my photos app regardless of how organized it is.

i have the short term memory of a fucking dusty pecan shell on the side of the road. i mean this in the most respectful way possible, but there is no way in hell i’m going to be able to remember to grab a source link to put in the caption of a frimage i saved to my phone. not for lack of trying, but come the fuck on. i work, go to classes, am a caregiver, and take care of the inside and outside duties of a house. i do so much more than any single person should have to do at 30 and have been for the last fucking decade. i just want to carefree and casually enjoy looking at and screaming about frank iero. this is unfortunately and pitifully one of my only sources of joy and relaxation that i can manage on a remotely regular basis. i can’t tell you the last time i actually had the time or physical or emotional energy to paint or draw or compose/play music. i miss painting. it physically hurts every time i see my grandmothers easel in the corner of my room because she would paint on that regularly and left it to me because i paint just like her. and i can’t even remember the last time i actually used it. because i’m just so fucking tired.

so i’m gonna reiterate again that i have never claimed that any of these frimages are mine, nor will i ever. when the time comes that i take my own pics of frank im very likely not even gonna credit my own damn self and i honestly don’t give a fuck if someone takes my frimage and posts it without crediting me. now if someone knows who originally took a frimage then literally by all means just let me know and i’ll put credits. i’m more than happy to edit a post. people have been kind enough to do so in the past.

but please for the love of everything holy, let me just have a blog where i can scream about frank and not have to worry about anything else for a little while, okay?~🎃

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Only Friends, Episode 6 - Happy F@#king birthday

In which we see Ray’s self-combust while leaving a trail of destruction, Sand showing his darker side, Ton continues to be an arsehole and Mew finally knows the truth

Sand

This episode more than anything depicts how complex human nature can be. Sand (who so far has been shown as someone with integrity) reached a breaking point. We know he is street smart, cares for his mom, and has basically fallen for Ray. We also know to some extent he cares for Nick. But the recent revelations of Ton/Top shenanigans, followed by Ton’s outing Ray on the latter’s feelings about Mew on his birthday plus Ray’s ambiguous comments about their relationship (not that I blame Ray or Sand specifically - the latter never made it clear he wanted more and the former is still hung up on Mew) have made Sand at edge. And then we have Sand deliciously tense confrontation with Top in hospital, where we sees while Top may have changed for Mew but remains arrogant to everyone else, and as per Sand “a prick.” With Top reminding Sand where he sits at the ladder (the bottom), it’s truly a sight to see Sand being calculative (but also in my personal opinion, it’s his way to make sure Ray/Nick being cut off from Ton (plus Top) because they are arseholes) - deliberately destroying his phone (when he doesn’t have lots of cash to begin with), manipulating Nick AND Ray to set off a catastrophic cascade of effects with the latter’s alcohol/substance abuse(s) playing a huge role on what truly was an explosive scene during Mew’s party.

Nevertheless, we sees his caring nature comes into play again. Sand was the only one out of everyone in the party to come after Ray, and despite Ray continuos lashing on Sand (the former trying to physically and emotionally pushing the latter away), he still chased after Ray, worried that the latter will hurt himself with his drunk driving.

Ray

My disaster muffin 😩😫….despite his many flaws, Ray at baseline is an honest person. We know he loves/cherish his friendship with Mew. And I truly believes he is starting to like Sand (also slowly growing to trust and loves him too. At the very least, Sand is the first person outside Mew who treats him more than an inconvenient and seems to truly care for him).

Yes, Ray is immature, but he only really acted whenever he perceived (or being manipulated) to think Mew is in danger. He kissed Mew impulsively when Ton suggested Top is only interested in playing around with Mew. And when he tries moving on, Ton again brought up his feelings for Mew. Even then, he didn’t act out (just giving death stares to Ton in class and during their hangouts), until Sand calculatively informed him of Top/Ton transgression. Again rather than telling Mew straight up, he confronted Ton first (unfortunately hot-headedly), which makes it easy for Ton to control the narratives by playing on Ray’s insecurities and emotions - accusing Ray of wanting Mew/Top to break up so that he can play a hero (which again I don’t think it’s true - I feel Mew has made it abundantly clear Ray will only be a cherished bestie and Ray accepted it - with sadness but he does!), but for Ton to keep putting salt on the wounds, it’s upsetting to see on Ray’s part.

I am not surprised with how Ray self-destruct during Mew’s party. He has suppressed his views and feelings for so long - Ton keeps making snide remarks, Cheum despite being kind and cheerful (as a default mode) has also always thought of him as a drunken fool, Top with his smug “I win” face, and even Mew whose automatic mode whenever he sees Ray is to mother him (thinking that he is either drunk or doing hard drugs, which although comes from a good place doesn’t really help Ray’s fragile self-esteem). And so, when you include Ray’s medicating himself with alcohol (and maybe drugs) into the equation - his inhibitions have gone out of the window. What he actually said during his drunken mess is NOT wrong (except his accusation on Sand being a gold digger - but even then, remember - their relationship started of as transactional and so, it’s easy for Ray to turn on default mode and lash out on Sand) - but the way he said it and timing of all it, well…we saw the trail of destructions he left in his wake.

His relationship with Sand took a setback this episode. Sand never made it clear what he wanted from Ray (from an outsider POV, it’s clear he wants more; even Sand’s wise mom could see it. But Sand is wary, probably a combo of his last broken relationship, destroyed by Top and Ray himself declaring multiple times they are “just friends”). Ray at least has told up front he thinks Sand as friends with benefits. The only point he has never told Sand (before the end of last episode) was his unrequited feelings for Mew. And it’s not something Ray needed to tell Sand. It’s personal and they are still at the stage of just getting to know each other. Anyway, I am in dire need for my sweet SandRay vibes back 😩😫 (and from next week preview, I’m hopefully going to get my wish)

(On the side note, Khaotung beautifully portrayed a broken, alcoholic mess. People with drug/alcohol addictions often hurt and lashed out on their family and friends. They also turn into the worst versions of themselves. So, while I’m still hurting from this episode, I am in awe with Khaotung’s acting 👌)

Boston

Ton continues to be unredeemable for me. He is unrepentant, selfish and unscrupulous. The way he manipulates Ray and Nick is masterful (definitely a politician son, and also the way his dad is proud of Ton’s many one night stands???, let just say I can see why Ton is the way he is!) - the way he spitefully jabbed on Ray when the latter confronts him regarding the whole Top/Ton situation to the way he playfully (and seductively) placates Nick when the latter attempts to firstly confronts his terrible behaviour in outing Ray/Mew in front of Sand (even then he blames the weed cookie rather than himself) and secondly when Nick found out Ton is likely going to move to New York after university.

He is also hypocritical. He doesn’t like being filmed without consent (fair enough, nobody should be filmed/photographed without consent). But for him to say it when he has been doing the exact same thing all this time…urgh, what an arsehole.

And to the end he remains consistent with his personality - not a hint of remorse when Ray drunkenly tried to expose him. Nor a shred of guilt when Nick tried to show solidarity with Ton by embracing him. Just Ton pushing Nick away (which tells you so much about who is in Ton’s mind - HIMSELF)

This is the one character I am hoping karma will come and hunt him!

(I despise him as a character but Neo as Ton is delicious to see. You can tell Neo has fun playing a despicable villain as a change from his usual roles. So, kudos to him and I hope we can see more of him in 2024, sinking into more meaty roles!)

Nick

Everytime I see him on screen, I winced. Ton has him in hook and reads him like a book. It doesn’t help Nick loves Ton and despite knowing Ton’s callous nature, Nick accepts this, making leeway to Ton’s behaviours. I want him to learn he is worth more than Ton because for now, he is moulding himself to make sure Ton never lose interest in him (and if that means ignoring all the red flags 🚩 that are waving madly in front of him, then so be it 😣). From what we see in the trailer, he breaks down in front of Sand with Sand reiterating what an arsehole Ton is (I assumed it may be related to Nick confirming Sand stole the video recording as we Nick clueing on it when he got back his phone). We see time after time, other people (Top, Ray and even Ton himself) also warning Nick about Ton. But love is truly blind, and I wonder what will be the breaking point for Nick - the one that will finally make him break free off Ton (maybe it’s Papang’s character?)

Top

In my opinion, he truly likes Mew (not sure about love yet, but they are getting there). He is trying hard to change - in his own word “a better version of himself.” The problem is, he is only a better version FOR Mew. I can see why Mew falls for him - he is sweet, attentive and basically the perfect gentleman/boyfriend that any person can ask for. However, as we can see, other than Mew - Top is just his usual self, arrogant and used to getting his own ways. He is dismissive towards Ray (and forever lording on the fact he won Mew, like Mew is a prize rather than an individual). Similarly, he belittles Sand (Top is never going to be a person who apologises except to Mew), again emphasising how he always gets what he wants, reminding Sand where he stands in the pecking order. He loathes Boston (fair enough) and in my opinion, he only tolerates Namchuen/April because the girls are not a threat to him (and his relationship with Mew).

He is also a coward. He kept silent about the Top/Ton situation, thinking it’s never gonna come to light (again he didn’t apologise about thinking Ray/Mew had a sexual relationship, which as far I am concerned even if they did it was 2 yrs ago). So, when Mew played him at the end, all I can say is - FINALLY (and even then he initially tried to say him sleeping with Ton was only before TopMew is a thing?? until Mew pressed him, exposing that he knew Top slept again more recently).

Mew

Which brings me to sweet Mew. I have always thought there is more to Mew than meets the eyes. Yes, he is inexperienced in some ways, but he is observant, well- adjusted and intelligent. Him being brought up by loving lesbian couple 🥳😘. And him knowing he doesn’t need to have a bf to feel fulfill cause he knows he can get love from his friends and moms. And so, for him, Top is someone he chose consciously as a partner.

I also love the analogy the screenwriters/directors took with the whole TopMew sensory deprivation dates we had so far (laser tag - touch, silent DJ - hearing, blind date - sight). I perceived it as Mew seeing Top in rose-tinted glasses (during their getting to know each other phase) until he finally got laser treatment this episode (such an irony it was Top who suggested it), and P’ Yo commenting it’s like Mew being reborn. So, Mew finally achieving clear vision and for him to learn about Top’s cheating - 👌. Also, kudos for Mew, playing the long game when he found out Top’s cheating by staying calm and collected at his own party, decking Ray (unfortunately, Ray needed it cause he was truly causing havoc with Ray not listening to any reasonings even when Mew attempts to do that first by trying to calm Ray down), to him seducing Top before dropping the bombshell (Book played this part masterfully and to see him tearing Force’s Top character into pieces - 👍)

I will say it again, I really like Mew and Ray’s genuine friendship. Yes, Mew cannot return Ray’s feelings (and I suspect Mew is trying to gently “wean” Ray off his dependency of Mew cause despite being a good/close friend he cannot be there for Ray 24 hours) but other than that, Mew has made more efforts (than the rest of the group) to be there for Ray. And so, I’m glad that Ray did tell Mew (as any bestie should!) about Top/Ton. I just wished Mew have communicated to Ray better about letting him handle Top (I suspect it’s one of the reason why Ray may have drunkenly try to expose Top cause Mew may have kept his silence, probably trying to process what he has heard from Ray but Ray may have perceived it as Mew not believing him).

April and Namchuen

I’m glad we are seeing more of them (finally!). Like any relationship they have their own problems and with Ray again exposing their private issues during his drunken tirade (urgh that was disastrous, but also yay! - it’s a catalyst for this couple to communicate effectively and sort out their issues).

However, it does seem Namchuen is truly clueless about what’s going on with her male besties. She knows superficially about Ray being perpetually drunk and Ton being a slut. But other than that, it seems the boys are shielding her from the rest of their issues. So, it will be interesting to see how their dynamic changes now that some of the secrets and lies are being exposed (I’m also genuinely worried they are ALL not gonna pass their hostel project 🫣)

Anyway, as usual, it was a roller coaster 🎢 ride of emotions by the end of the episode. The cast and their actings continue to impress me - but the stand out for this episode belongs to Ray, Mew and Sand 👌….so, is it Saturday yet? I need to see Top grovel on Mew’s feet, Mew duking it out with Ton and some SandRay sweet moments to compensate for what I just experienced with episode 6

17/09/2023

[ruminate88]

All my life you hear, “Haters are gonna hate” and you try to convince yourself that “they hate you cuz they ain’t you” lol it’s jealousy…

That’s all cool until it’s someone that you love deeply that hates you and is jealous of you… then you can’t just laugh that off 😔 When you have believed they were your favorite person that you waited all day to talk to and then when they did come around, they try to act superior to you or smarter. They low-key are putting you down while pretending to have love eyes at you and you’re professing your undying love to them… 💔💔💔

My last relationship was away at college and so we would communicate mostly through Snapchat or kik, sometimes we had two convos going between kik and our phone numbers. He would sometimes message me in class but not always. He would seemingly be sooo busy and I would wait hours and hours for him. Then when it’s bed time, I would get those selfies on Snapchat of him turning in the for night, asking me how I am doing and telling me how beautiful I am. He would say how he wished I was there to cuddle him up and I felt so close to him…. However, that was the most positive of it all. His undertones and his nonchalant behavior towards my feelings, confused me from his words.

Me waiting allll day for hours wanting to get closer and wanting to be in his life. I tried to make plans to go visit him on campus and he had excuses of why it wasn’t a good time for me to come see him 💔💔💔 I KNEW there were red flags and lies but I wanted so bad to trust him and be with him. The way he flirted with me so much, he made me feel crazy good but now when I look back at everything else I missed, I see just how much negative energy there was surrounding him. I don’t believe now he ever really wanted to see me or be with me, even though he kept saying so. He promised me I was his priority and he was going to make more time for me but also tell me how “busy” he is with school and his frat bros. I would offer to break up and he’d whine to me about it and act upset at me. Very confusing!! I couldn’t get it right with him.

At the end of it all, he blew me off and downplayed our time spent. The nights talking before bed and sending pictures. Complimenting each other. Sending kissy faces and heart emojis. Calling me “babe” and promising me he wants me. Waking up to good morning selfies in the shower, asking me if I slept ok…. He might have wanted something from me but it wasn’t good. I’m not sure what it was or what it meant if nothing at all. Many days I sat in isolation on my phone staring at his saved selfies he sent me, letting tears fall as I beg him to be real. I had FaceTimed him more than once so physically, he was the guy in the photos but mentally and emotionally, he was just mirroring me and pretending with me. The way he subtly discarded me at the end, even though I’m the one who physically ended the relationship, he was checked out and moved on before that. It’s so clear to me now how I had rose colored glasses on and thought he was everything to me. The way his responses were shorter and empty. Very robotic and I begged him for answers. I was also very worried to say anything to upset him or push him away. 3 times I tried to break it off and “set him free” but every time he was so defensive towards me and promising me he would change for me. I told him over and over I wanted to be closer to him and spend more time. I was tired of feeling like I wait around on him to pay me attention and most of his attention was sexual. He promised it was more than that.

I believed him when he said after college he would find a good job and settle down and have kids. I believed him when he said he “did want to be with me in person” and that he did care for me but every time I was upset or sharing my feelings of sadness over him, he would always freak out and tell me he didn’t like that I was that way, he actually said one time, “you scared me talking like that”. He didn’t like when I cried because he can’t feel it back for me but yet he would always tell me what I wanted to hear. Make me believe I’m crazy for his behavior BUT his actions did not match his words. I KNEW IT but struggled to admit it. There were crazy amounts of fog and I was losing my mind going insane over him! I was so lonely in the relationship it was very very one-sided yet I loved him and was waiting for him to change.

I never knew possibly he had a fear of intimacy and that he couldn’t express feelings but also had other girls so, truly I look back and question was he just trying to look at naked women and talk dirty to us all?? I probably wasn’t even his main supply even though he’s calling me “babe” and promising me he doesn’t wanna break up. It made NO SENSE!!! He kept hurting me at every turn. 💔💔💔 I never saw his words as demeaning till after we break up and I open up about my mental health. The way he dismissed me and treated me like I’m only good enough to talk dirty to, I saw him in a different light and it was so hard to accept it all but I didn’t have a choice. He hurt me worse when I finally moved on, he had a new gf but he’s trying to FaceTime me but hangs up after a ring or 2. He wanted me to stay in trauma bond and in pain. He couldn't let me go on in my life without exerting himself in it. I’ve NEVER been able to make sense fully or get him off my mind. I asked myself so many times, “how can you love someone who treats you so badly???” But a trauma bond and obsession is NOT love. Understanding that has been a process in itself. The intermittent reinforcement of “ignoring me 2/3 days” but then suddenly messaging me “hey babe 😘 how have you been?” Acting like everything is normal but yet my heart was on edge so heavy and going in circles with him. I was up and down with him daily. I would stalk his Facebook calendar back then to figure out what he’s doing when he’s away from me. Often he wouldn’t update any of his socials unless he was just hiding me from his post but he would leave me grappling and begging for his attention. I’m sure it was on purpose but I just don’t have proof.

I don’t know when you forget if ever. I beat myself up saying it shouldn’t hurt at all anymore it’s been too long since I blocked his number. Should I beat myself up?? Am I crazy and pathetic the way Andrew made me feel? 🥺❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Get him out of my system!!

[journeyintofiction]

hii, can u do a Shuri x reader where the reader is in college and is getting verbally and physically abused by her parents due to her bad academics performance but she won’t tell Shuri because she has a country to worry about until Shuri eventually finds out because the reader won’t answer calls or texts? <33

Hello everyone! I took a tiny hiatus because I had a very huge loss in my family right before New years so I was not in the mental headspace to write anything. However, I am back and unfortunately the college semester is in full swing. Pls send help im dying 

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of verbally and physically abusive parents

Word count:1k

As always, happy reading :) 

“y/n, you better not be crying in your room before I come in there and give you something to cry about!”

I quickly attempt to muffle my sobs by burying my head in my comforter on the bed, hoping and praying that my parents can’t hear me. God knows I don’t need another beating after what happened tonight. 

It always happens like this. Every single time. I do my best, get anything lower than an A and I know as soon as I come home I’m gonna have my ass beat. No matter how hard the class is or how hard I work they don’t care because if it isn’t an A it is considered a failure. I went to the college they wanted me to go to because I could stay home and make money but that meant I couldn’t escape their abuse. 

This semester I had a slip up and got a C in a class and in turn they beat the shit out of me as a form of “teaching me” a lesson. It's not just the physical abuse, every insult was a purposeful stab at me because I failed to meet their expectations or it was just because they had a shitty day and wanted to hurt my feelings. I am at a breaking point mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I hear my phone vibrate and I pick my head up from my comforter to look at my phone and see Shuri’s name pop up on the screen. A smile slightly at the thought of her but wince when I feel the tightness of my skin from my tears drying. I slowly move over to where my phone is so I can text back before she gets worried.

Shuri always knew my schedule and when I suddenly don't answer and she knows I'm at home, she gets worried sick. I shoot her a text and let her know I cant talk and just as I am about to hit send she calls me. Out of fear I quickly answer and start speaking in hushed tones so that my parents dont hear me.

“Shuri, i love you, but right now really isn’t a good time.”

She pauses and asks, “Are you at home?”

“What? Yes I’m at home, you know my routine plus you can track me right now.” I say in confusion.

“My love, I have been trying to call you for the last 2 hours.”

I go silent for a moment and try to figure out how to explain the entire situation without getting Shuri upset or involved with my parents. She takes my silence as a negative response and begins to respond before I can.

“y/n if you have something going on, please just tell me.”

I bite my lip and respond on the verge of tears, “Shuri I want to tell you, I really do but if I say anything… I-”

I get cut off by my mom coming up the stairs and I shove my phone under my pillow but don’t end the call so Shuri can hear everything.

“Who are you talking to up here, huh?”

I look at her impassively so that she believes me, “No one mom, I'm rereading something for my test tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you better be because if I see you come home with another B or less, you are gonna get your ass beat again. I'm not playing with you, your father and I have told you time and time again that we expect you to achieve and you fall short every time.”

I feel my eyes getting watery but otherwise show no emotion and respond as I always do, “of course, I’ll make sure its nothing less than an A.”

My mother looks at me hard and nods, “Keep studying and while you’re at it, dust your room and do laundry.”

With that she leaves to go back down stairs for the night and I pick up my phone from under my pillow. 

“Shuri, are you still there?”

Instead of a reply I get a facetime call and I accept it quickly, frowning at her when she appears on screen. 

“What's wrong? Why did you need to facetime me-”

Shuri looks at me angrily, “How long has this been happening?”

“How long has what been happening?” I say, playing dumb and hoping that she will drop the conversation.

“y/n.”

I sigh, “years, I… never said anything because I know you are busy and this is not your concern and responsibility.”

“All those bruises over the last few months, they were your parents weren’t they?” she whispered.

Looking down and picking at my comforter I mutter a soft “ya.”

She sighed and didn’t say anything for a moment, seemingly unsure of how to broach the subject without hurting me or making me uncomfortable. Then she finally asks, “What else have they…done?”

I hesitate and glance at her on the screen, “It’s just yelling and berating me most of the time but when I get a bad grade they, uh, beat me.”

“Is that why you reacted poorly when I yelled a few weeks back?”

I nod and she looks away from her screen guiltily, “No, Shuri don’t do that to yourself, you didn’t know back then.”

“I should have picked up on it though, I mean seriously the bruises and the flinching whenever my voice was raised should have told me everything I needed to know.”

I see her moving around frantically packing things and I frown because as far as I knew, she didn’t have a meeting and wasn’t expected to go anywhere this evening. When she glances over and sees my confused look she shrugs and raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Shuri… what are you doing?” I ask with my head cocked to the side.

“I’m coming to see you… and talk to your parents.”

“YOU'RE WHAT?”

A/N: Please forgive any grammatical errors, I am extremely tired and have had a looonnngggg week. 

[xen248]

8. Chance?

(Trigger warning!!: alcoholic, drugs, mental health issues, hate, struggles, depression, anxiety)

April 2

Venom just looked at them confusedly, “you don’t know?” Soobin said “know what?” Venom said confusingly “Karina broke up with her boyfriend” terry said “wait why I’m I supposed to be happy?” Venom said curiously “because you have a huge crush on her and now you have a chance?” Beomgyu while all the members laughed at him. “I don’t have a crush on her anymore” venom said and walked away, “yeah right” beomgyu said turning his head and watching venom leave.

After 2 hours pass by venom sees kai in the kitchen. Venom leans his back on the counter and watches as kai makes himself a bowl of cut up fruit, Kai gives venom a slice of apple which venom accepts. “Hey so” venom says trying to gather the words he wants to say Kai looks at him waiting for him to continue “why did Karina and Jae wook break up exactly?” Venom says looking at Kai waiting for him to answer. “I think it’s because of crazy delusional fans I mean she apologised for dating him now they broke up I’m not surprised and also Ning said that Karina told them it was media play after the news came out ” Kai said while washing his hands.

Venom laughed nervously thinking Kai was joking. Kai looked at him confused “why are you laughing isn’t it a good thing that it was media play for you?” Venom chuckled nervously “well not anymore I don’t have a crush on her I mean I spend almost 4 years now just trying my chance but it fails so I don’t have any feelings for no more I mean I genuinely was sad for her but if it is media play it’s all good” venom yaps to Kai.

“If you say so I mean none of our members are gonna belong it but I believe you” Kai said and smiled to venom. “I know but at least I know I don’t have a crush on her”

A few days later

Venom goes back to his room after a long night of recording and trying his best to convince his members that he wasn’t in love with Karina which isn’t true. Venom suddenly sits on the back of the door on the floor and looks at his phone he suddenly sees people criticising him for no reason and hating and sending him death threats. The amount of hate and death threats he got made him venom numbs and have no feeling. Fans have seen him not smiling anymore or anything else. Fans talk about how they miss the old venom and how the new one was emotionally drained and looks dead, fans send protest trucks in front of Hybe that say they want venom out of the group.

Venom then gets a text from his manager.

Venom then finally broke down tomorrow&together was his life save the group, the fans were everything for him and he had to survive alone in an apartment and stay inside of there. He can’t imagine himself being even alive after a day of being alone.

Venom feels like he can’t breathe he struggles, he suddenly feels getting a panic attack venom tries getting himself to calm down but he couldn’t he took his phone and start typing where to find a physical ward and a therapist. He has to survive somehow without thinking about all the shit he is going through.

The next day venom packs everything to go to his new apartment which was far away so he had to take everything he needed he wasn’t going on hiatus right away but he didn’t want to pack when he had to. “I can’t believe they are gonna make you go on hiatus for a few months for hate” yeonjun says annoyed by the situation and his younger member going on hiatus “it is what it is I mean it is my fault for being a alcoholic and also because the company found out I am addicted to drugs and I’m bipolar so they orderd me to get my shit together and then come back so yea” venom says as he packs his car full of his stuff. “Yeah you may think it is your fault but they should help you and get you better and not to throw you away making you do it by yourself I mean I’m scared what you gonna do to yourself later on.. I mean think about it imagine you overdose and nobody is there to help you like the other times and I don’t want that to happen what if you kill your-“ yeonjun starts saying possible things that he is worried about but I’m the last word venom shushed his hyung to not say what he wanted to. “Don’t worry it is gonna be fine I’m probably going to a physical ward or just therapy that’s it it all good” venom says while getting in the car with yeonjun to drive to the place”

When they got there both of them step out of the car to see a beautiful apartment building it was luxury. Venom and yeonjun both take out venom’s stuff and out everything in the apartment and get it ready. “All done I did good” yeonjun says proudly as if he done something, “you just ate my Raman and ate my snacks” the younger member complained but yeonjun shrugs and keeps eating.

Taglist(open):

A:so if I said I will post more but Sommer is almost over and school is coming back and I haven’t posted since the last week of school and I’m sorry for that but i made this half way when my electricity got cut off bc of my dad not paying and it was 5 days but I’m gonna write alot and also post until school come back bc ik I won’t have a chance of posting anything when school is around so I hope you enjoy this please Ik it is sucks also sorry for the mistakes and I have so much ideas that I don’t want to waste and they are gooddd so I’m feeding yall good dw loves😭🫶🙏

Masterlist | previous | next

[abnormalityjoseph]

Corey Cunningham • General Headcanons

I LOVE THIS GUY

Oh. Corey. The guy that lives in my head rent free right now? Headcanons for him? Sure.

Totally not like I just finished the novel and was scrambling to throw this out there.

But as for my thoughts on the novel and the movie,,,I like some of the movie’s change in dialogue, but I also feel like the novel gives more..context/insight? Idk how to explain it. Hopefully there’s an extended cut of the movie that I can watch eventually.

•••••

- A very polite and well mannered guy.

-> Well, he tries to be even when the entire town hates him.

- You might have seen my previous post, but I am a FIRM BELIEVER that Corey has some fluffy hair AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

- He’s so??? Emotionally distant towards anybody. If Yk what I mean?

-> [Most definitely terrified of getting emotionally hurt again. Especially with how everyone started to alienate him post-accident.]

-> Oh but he’s really touched starved.

- He may or may not…go a tad bit overboard. With affections towards his friends or a significant other(s).

-> I just think that he may seek physical contact from trusted friends. Platonic actions that would normally be seen a romantic (like hand holding), yk?

- He either gives awkward hugs or really good ones. Never an in-between.

- Corey would be very cautious of somehow stepping on your toes/boundaries. He doesn’t make many friends or ever had a romantic relationship (or generally made many friends—?)

-> Besides, he lost any friends he made after the accident. Because no one wanted to associate with the ‘Psycho Babysitter.’

- Totally would rant about ANYTHING because he doesn’t know social cues or when to stop talking.

-> Or— well, he would rant about his interests and then apologize because he feels like he talked too much. And feel like he just scared away any friend he could’ve made because he wouldn’t shut up.

-> It’s fine though because he would listen to his friends/romantic partner rant for as long as they want to talk. He’s a good listener!

- Might be a bit of a weird one, but I think he’d enjoy Twenty One Pilots and Wilbur Soot’s music. Dunno, just him listening to La Jolla/Saline Solution or Fairy Local makes sense in my head.

-> Also think he’d listen to Ship in a Bottle by fin, but I’ll make a different post for songs. Maybe.

- As for family.. I don’t know, his family life is definitely rough and tense as is.

-Resents his mother for being so overbearing (if that’s the right word for it), but can’t seem to fully hate her because she’s his family.

- He sometimes wonders about his dad, Wally, and if his life would’ve been better with him in the picture.

- He also doesn’t know how to feel about Ronald, his step-dad. He wasn’t really involved in his upbringing, but he’s nicer and way less of an overbearing parent in his life. Yet he still doesn’t do much to stop Joan.

- He doesn’t have social media. That’s probably a given but still.

- I feel like he wouldn’t vent to a friend by text, since Joan can snoop through his phone. He’d rather talk about his problems face to face, so the person can also share their problems as well.

- You know, he saw a psychiatrist for a bit before stopping? I’m assuming that’s the time just after the accident. It’s not a headcanon but it’s just something I noticed while I was reading the novel. It’s on, I think, page 207 on the digital version?

-> “…Mostly he just stayed at home. He had weekly trips to a psychiatrist for a while, but that was it. And this went on for months…”

- Corey may be able to tolerate terrible/mean customers, and the scrutiny or insults that any passerby could give him, but it’ll boil over eventually.

- He used to keep a diary/journal. But Joan (his mom) kept snooping and would find it. Now he can’t keep one in the house.

-> Well— maybe he hides it outside or the house. Maybe nearby the the place he works at.

- I think he doodles. Just on the corners of his notebooks. It’s kinda bad but hey, he never said he was a good artist.

- Post-Accident Corey can’t find that much enjoyment in Horror movies, especially The Thing, after well..you know.

-> Post-Michael Corey can though. He loves horror movies, and doesn’t feel that uncomfortable watching The Thing anymore. Just..fascinated. Over the concept of the creature, I mean. Shapeshifting alien…maybe a slasher movie would be more preferred for him still.

•••••

I… will write more stuff about a romantic relationship with Corey in a different post. And I’ll try to write more about post Michael Corey.

[despairing-disaster]

Initial thoughts on ch 2 ep 1 (ik it’s early but I wanna lay out some stuff rn)

Listen, ppl all had their own opinions about the protag swap theory. Some thought it would happen, some thought it was stupid, I thought it was gonna be a temporary POV change in the first episode before Teruko got back to her regular girlbossing and whaddaya know, I was right!

On the topic of me being right though, I swear the only times I am right about things are when I can’t exactly explain why I think something, therefore I don’t ever say it because “that’s stupid,” but I feel like the motive as well as the delivery, both in the timing and the fallout, was something I could’ve seen coming. I dismissed the idea as too dramatic at some point, apparently forgetting that DRDT is the reality TV of fangans (but probably less scripted somehow).

I’m honestly pretty hyped about the motive though. I always thought that the canon equivalent in the first game was lacking in some ways, so seeing a fresh twist on a classic is always fun.

It also makes me wonder about the hidden quotes. Ik I talk abt these more than I reasonably probably should given they’re, uh, hidden, but in addition to what probably counts as more context for J’s quote, I’m also currently looking at Arei’s and Levi’s.

Levi talked a bit about his family and being disowned as well as how he feels he has to put effort into being nice, so a part of me wonders if there’s something he feels particularly guilty about in relation to his quote. His listed dislike is also unpredictable people and I figure that may be related as well.

But Arei’s seems more pertinent to me. She’s been nothing but an emotionally manipulative ass this whole time and now she has someone else’s dirty laundry and the full ability to air it if she so pleases, but idk what she’s gonna do with it. If her quote is relevant to something in this chapter in particular, she may decide on keeping it to herself. She obviously has a limited idea of how friendships really work, but maybe she has some decency when it comes to a situation like this.

Teruko’s commentary and leaning on the 4th wall as well as MonoTV’s incredibly (in)convenient incompetence is really only doing more to reinforce the idea in my mind that she knows way more than she’s letting on as well as a the fact that a lot of information about her is being withheld from the audience and we probably don’t have a complete look into her mind. Also, the phone. We have seen that phone before, just not in the killing game.

I feel like Arturo’s reaction to finding out J was related to a famous actress was... kind of what I expected it to be, but for all his preaching about physical beauty, he sure didn’t fuckin notice anything special about her until that exact moment, huh. Almost like he’s full of shit and just obsessed with fame and glamour as concepts.

It’s also really sweet to see Charles actually probably have more faith and hope coming out of the trial than going into it. And despite the tensions and him being turned down, him asking Teruko if she wants to explore with him is probably the most civil conversation they’ve had so far throughout the entire game. I think even if neither of them have a lot of faith in everyone else, they at least seem like they have less hard feelings towards each other. Like two siblings who grew up in a shitty household and always fought but start actually tolerating each other the moment they accept they were both victims even if they don’t really talk about it.

I’m fuckin scared to see my boy get woobified even more tho.

Oh! And a bit more on J’s quote actually. I wonder if her animosity towards her mom (and actors as a whole) was just wrought from the secondhand fame she never wanted or if her mother tried to force her into acting herself. Her dialogue in the FTEs that dropped last year at the very least indicate she had femininity forced upon her, but pushing a child into acting for more fame and fortune is a very special kind of fucking your kid up for the rest of their life and the horrible shit child actors and actresses are put through is becoming more and more discussed in an ever increasingly digital world.

But yeah. Mega hyped for this chapter, especially with the motive as I am, unfortunately, a sucker for hot, juicy goss

[moonjxsung]

Well, I'm pregnant, and I might have pregnancy diabetes, I won't know until my next appointment, but I'm just so tired too my feet get swollen so much to the point it hurts to walk -.- my back aches 24/7. I love kids but I don't like the pregnancy. :'(

I also might have to put up my baby up for adoption, too, because the baby father is in jail and I have no income whatever so ever and the baby's daddy mother has a screwed lose because she thinks that a baby only needs love, clothes and diapers and while that part is true it's not even close to what the baby needs, it also needs food, a safe place to grow up in, motor skills plans, learning skills plans and so much more.

And I only want what's for my baby, you know I had a mom who didn't want kids and when I asked her why didn't she put me up for adoption or just abort me she said well I don't believe in abortion and I don't want someone else raising my blood and that's very selfish because I had to go under years of abuse of her.

I don't want to be selfish for my baby. I want to give him the best life I can give to him.

The baby daddy is saying not to the adoption, and I'm like, you do realize that keeping this baby isn't something you can brag about, right? And that you will need to help and not come home right away after a long shift of work and just fall asleep right? (Because that's what he plans to do) and I'm like no this isn't happening. When you have a baby the responsibility doesn't just fall to the mom or just to the dad it falls to the both of them.

I'm just really sick of my life currently. I'm honestly thankful for writing, my favorite game on my phone, my painting app and stray kids, and well fanfics and books and my religion. Otherwise, I think I would go completely nuts.

Sorry for the long vent, and I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable with anything I spoke about.

Hello my angel ���️🫶 this sounds like a very, very difficult situation and I am so sorry you have to navigate this. At the end of the day, it’s absolutely your body and your choice, and it’s so important that you do what YOU feel is the right thing for you. I would make sure to look up adoption and abortion options in your area as legislation has been changing a lot and it’s really important to be informed of what changes have conspired if need be. At the end of the day, you need to do what makes sense for YOU- financially, emotionally, physically, on all sorts of levels. A child is a big deal and it’s a huge responsibility, and if you don’t feel like you’re getting the adequate support then I hope you are empowered to find what works best for you.

I wish I could be of more help, but please know that I am here for you through whatever you decide and I’m always around if you need to vent or chat or anything. You’re not alone in this even if you feel like you are. Sending you all my love during this difficult time my sweet angel- you are so, so loved 🫶💖💕

[snowmaniaph]

Love Talk: Abe Ryohei

Is it good to keep secrets from your girlfriend?

If it’s the loose meaning of the word “secret” then I think it is fine. I want to trust my partner 100% so I don’t want to do anything that feels like I’m prying. It’s okay not to say anything she doesn’t want to. If that secret is something that is painful to carry alone, if it’s something that will become lighter if she shares it with me, then I want her to confide in me. I think it’s my job to make our relationship a space where she can freely share things like that.

How would you convey your feelings of “like” to your girlfriend who worries a lot?

It might be best to tell her “I like you” directly through words. That’s why I think I’ll keep saying “I like you” until her worries disappear. Telling her face-to-face is ideal but using other means to convey my feelings, like through a phone call or a message, might also be a way to enjoy romance. I want to trust my partner 100% so I will believe her if she says she likes me. It’s okay even if she ends up taking advantage of that. I am determined to give them my complete trust.

Who will you invite on your only rest day this month: your friends or your girlfriend?

Girlfriend because isn’t that the only chance you have in that month to spend time with her? You shouldn’t let that opportunity go to waste! I’ll try to invite her and if she isn’t available then that’s totally okay too. I think there is meaning in prioritizing your girlfriend and inviting her first before your friends. If I could spend time with my girlfriend then I want to do a conventional date! I will be happy even if we’re just together but being able to go on a drive will be the best!

What do you look for in a girlfriend?

Someone who could make me feel “my partner is doing their best so I should also give it my all” is good. And then, in a good way, someone I could open my heart to and make me feel comfortable when it’s just the two of us would also be nice. I think I will feel happy when hugging while facing each other. I feel like we’re closer physically and emotionally. It will be impossible to lie in that situation, so being able to affirm our affection for each other then is happiness! In conclusion, I want someone who I can look up to, who can make me feel relaxed, and who can make me feel thrilled. This has been a greedy Abe (laughs)!

Please tell us about a recent happening.

I was happy with the Mitsuya Cider CM! I heard about it during the year-end and New Year holidays, had pictures taken for the poster in January, and then had the CM shooting in March, so I anxiously waited for the announcement. While on the way home from the CM shoot, Meme (Meguro) and I shared a toast of Mitsuya Cider inside the car (laughs)!

Source: Potato 08/2021

[thessalian]

Thess vs Repairs

Steam’s doing its demo bonanza again, and I really want to play a few of these. Not that I haven’t - I’ve done two. Lighthouse of Madness is first-person and a little janky for me personally (just about anyone else who isn’t plagued by motion-related migraines should be fine) so that one’s going off the list. Meanwhile, Dredge is awesome and is definitely going on the wishlist but I’m hesitant to play more because not only is it painful to see things I want to do labelled with “NOT AVAILABLE IN DEMO” but because I know it’s only one chapter and I don’t want it to be over that soon. But there are a lot more I want to do.

I also have a few games in progress I really ought to finish at some point. For instance, Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen. Just I have issues with that one because I know some people like wandering out into unknown territory and finding that maybe it’s too high level for them, but I would like to know what I’m getting into and what level it requires before I go stomping off into it. Gives me a good indication of how many side quests I have to get done before moving on, y’know? But no, it doesn’t do that so I ended up getting kerb-stomped by giant bipedal lizards with spears sticking out of them. (Don’t even ask.) Apparently I should go earn some XP by killing rabbits and seagulls first. Because Reasons, I dunno.

But at the end of the day, all I really seem to want is an emotional support video game. It’s been a hard week. I hurt. I don’t really want a ‘challenge’. I want something I can just play, and feel like I’m accomplishing something. Something comfortable, like a pair of old slippers.

But then I feel bad and then there’s indecision and then it’s nearly 5pm and I’m trying to figure out if I’m in any shape to do anything but curl up in bed with a word search puzzle on my phone. And I’m supposed to be running D&D in a few hours. I just kind of need to be less physically, mentally, and emotionally wrecked first. Which means rest and decompression in some form or other. Problem is, when I am this wrecked, decision-making doesn’t exactly come easy, and I need to make a decision if I want to get un-wrecked. Executive dysfunction really is the pits.

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1989 Sure enough, Margaret turned out to be not quite as ugly as Mary or Linda, but she wasn’t too much prettier, either. A definite butch, too. She had nice teeth and ok eyes, but her hair was disgusting.

She was very hyper and nervous, and I feel bad for her cuz she really did mean well. She is very friendly and honest and she just wants to settle down with someone and love them and be loved in return. I think she’d be good for someone and would never hurt them but I’m fucking sick and tired of getting all the ugly ones! Why me, huh?!?! Am I that ugly myself?

I give up. I hate bars, and it just wasn’t meant to be. At age 23, if you’ve never been loved by someone decent and attractive, then it’s never gonna happen. Even if I got someone fairly decent, they’re still always ugly. Does God consider it a sin for me to be touched by someone I’m sexually turned on by? Does He also feel that I should think that looks aren’t everything? They aren’t, but what good is having a decent and compatible lover who’s so ugly?

Well, to change the subject, I’m not going to Gloria’s concert tonight cuz Phil had some financial problems where he needed money for his business.

I want to call Florida where Estefan Enterprises are to see if I can get a tour book.

I can’t wait till I leave this Saturday. I really need a break cuz I’ve been feeling like complete shit both physically and emotionally. Hopefully, this vacation will revive me till I have to come back to my boring life. Since I can’t work, and have nothing to do, especially with Andy working 3rd shift and sleeping in the daytime, and since I can’t be with anyone, I’m going crazy.

Tammy wants me to move down with her and I really think I will cuz I’m losing my energy. I have no motivation to do my music or to do anything really and I won’t even mention my sleeping and eating habits. I need my family now for sure.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1989 The morning before yesterday at around 10:00, I got this call from a girl named Margaret. I was tempted to hang up on her at first, but we ended up talking for over two hours. By now we’ve talked on the phone for a total of 6 hours. She seems very, very friendly and honest, despises drugs and wants to settle down with someone the right way with no lies or cheating and she thinks along the same lines as I do. Everything I want, like, don’t want or don’t like she agrees with.

The only thing that bugs me a little is that her accent is like Mary D and she’s from Westerly, Rhode Island, but that’s minor as long as she’s Miss Right and is attractive, but that’s my biggest fear right there. Is God ever gonna allow me someone attractive, even if they’re right for me? No way!

I mean, she sounds far from ugly and is definitely gonna be many steps prettier than Mary or Linda, but she tells me she’s not feminine and doesn’t wear makeup, earrings or skirts and dresses. There have been some women who were in between butch and feminine that I found attractive but not many.

Well, maybe God will bend the rules this time, but I doubt it. I am gonna be honest with her if she doesn’t turn me on sexually which I think will devastate her from the way she sounds. I mean, inside she seems all I’ve ever wanted, but outside I just know there won’t be any physical attraction.

Oh God, please change the rules and let me be attracted to her! Please!!

She’s gonna be here tomorrow at around 10:00 after a 2-hour drive.

She has a good-paying job and makes good money which I’d never use her for, likes the same kind of activities, loves to cook, says she’ll be behind my music career 100% of the way, wants to get married someday, and possibly a child, weighs 120, is 5’ 6”, but her hairstyle kind of sounds like that of a butch. She says it’s getting long and is going to continue to let it grow, and all of this is great, but I just hope to God I’m as attracted to her as she’ll no doubt be to me.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1989 To finish my story of what happened when I called that number to try to get to know other women, I learned that most of them were just out for sex just like men. Today there is no such thing as love. The thing today is strictly sex. Two people gave me the wrong number, one was supposed to be here last Thursday at 7:30 and never showed up, one left a message on my machine saying she’d call me back but never did, one called to leave a message and never returned my call, some guys called me about threesomes with their wives, and 3 different times while I was in the middle of talking to either boring women or women just wanting sex, the line was disconnected and I know they didn’t hang up. It was more like a case of divine intervention.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1989 At 2:00 this afternoon, I have to meet with Eric (Mr. Attitude) about re-enrolling for next semester which isn’t till next Feb., but better later than never again. I had to drop out cuz of bronchitis at my doctor’s advice and he gave me a note, although for the last 3 days, I’ve been feeling better. My nose and chest had been driving me crazy for so long and still do if I smoke too much or strong cigarettes like Marlboro. My new doctor, Dr. McGovern, is a super nice guy with a great sense of humor and really is trying to help. The only thing, though, is that the antibiotic the ER gave me never worked. Then Dr. McGovern tried two more things that also never worked. One of them made me puke, but as long as I go easy on the ciggies, it is considerably better. I just don’t have what it takes to quit yet, but if I did it would certainly help 100%. I will someday. I still don’t know if I need shots. I doubt it. One thing I do know for sure from when they did the preliminary allergy testing is that I am allergic to cat, dog and horse dander as well as dust, mold and dust mites, but I’ve known that since I was a very young kid.

Later…

I got restless cuz I had run out of ciggies and was dying for one, so finally, at around 4:00, Steve got home from his job at Westover Air Force Base and gave me some. He’s the black guy living across the hall.

I left a message on the school’s machine for Eric to get back to me about rescheduling our appointment cuz by 2:00 I’ll have been up 24 hours and need to sleep.

If Andy doesn’t go to school in February with me, although I really think he wants to go if our classes aren’t scheduled around the same time, then I’ll have to go elsewhere. It’d be nice to get someone who goes to homes cuz here I have my keyboard and all my tapes, but I doubt it. Guitar or piano lessons are one thing but I’m quite sure voice teachers don’t go to people’s homes. Especially the good ones. Also, no matter where else I go, or if someone comes to me, it’ll cost me a fortune. Voice lessons just aren’t cheap, but what is?

Andy should be home in the next half-hour. Then I can tell him I’m going to Florida from December 2nd to the 9th, and also that Philip and his new girlfriend Maria, are taking me to see Gloria on Nov. 29th at the Hartford Civic Center. That’s my Hanukkah gift, and a leather mini skirt is supposed to be my b-day gift. He says he’s gonna take some pictures of me since I have no recent ones of me and that I’ve never looked better in my life. I’m a perfect 10 from head to toe except for my being slightly bow-legged, my crooked teeth and a few zits. I break out before my period.

I leave on December 2nd at 1pm on flight 777. Philip’s gonna take me to the airport. When I return on December 9th on flight 570 at 9:25, Marty and Ruth are gonna pick me up. Phil’s gonna call the airport in advance to make sure the plane didn’t get canceled like the last time.

I’m looking forward to having a good time with my parents and I really think I will this time. We’ve had a lot of talks and have gotten along much better for a while now. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that Mom, Dad, and Tammy really see that I can sing and the talents I have achieved instrumentally, too. I sang for my sister on the phone and she was shocked. It was the first time since Thanksgiving of last year that she heard me. She’s been so supportive of it and really wants me to move down still and be with her, and she wants to help me with my singing and to find someone and it’s not a bribe. She really means it or else she’d be the last person to suggest it or get involved in any way.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1989 Well, once again I seem to have been severely punished by God or something, but I knew it would happen, I asked for it and I’ve paid the consequences. It all comes down to trying to find love and romance again. And for once I’m not the least bit upset by what I’m about to write about cuz like I said, I expected it all the while knowing damn well that you cannot fight God and what’s in the cards for you. I’ve known since the day I was born that my sole destiny in life was to be a singer. Not everyone can have their cake and eat it, too. Some things are meant to be for some people and some things aren’t. Besides, you can’t mix love with the music business as demanding as it is. Especially with the fact that most people are jealous of musically talented people, and they feel like you’re superior to them, so they feel threatened by you and they run. Also, people are scared of people who are attractive cuz they fear they’ll lose you to other people.

What happened was that I called this number in which you leave a message about yourself for other gay women. You can also leave messages to men or a man can leave a message to either another man or a woman. I was supposed to meet this girl named Amy tonight here at 7:30, but she never showed up, then at around 9:00, I went to return a phone call to someone named Cathy and the number was out of service, so I know for sure what God’s been trying to tell me. To either be alone or be with a man.