#nevermind is a fucking great game by the way

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence summaries of every TMA episode

(1-60 i'll add more soon)

part 2 up!

world's most effective anti-smoking PSA

man DOES NOT open coffin. everyone claps.

woman is judgemental towards neighbor even though she has hobbies that are just as weird.

book makes multiple people fall off chair.

man finds bag of teeth and decides he absolutely needs to fuck around and find out.

worm sti.

there was a SCARY MAN in the WAR.

fuck this tree

well at least ted bundy was a great father :)

i'm like 55% sure vampires are real and i'm willing to take those odds

bitches be dying. you're next.

we kill this man because he made the soda too warm.

sorry ur husband's dead. maybe get some help.

Unbox with me ! (GONE WRONG)

hah i'm safe from this one because i have decided to Never Go Into a Cave Ever.

man is so annoying about this spider that even his cat can't be bothered

man's bully finds a book about a Bone Turner and subsequently begins turning people's bones.

this guy sucks at DIY home improvement

aw maybe this priest didn't do anything THAT bad!

oh fuck nevermind

THE SKY ATE MY SON.

the worms stole my identity. i haven't left the house in days.

man beats german children at game of bravery and wins a coin (he later loses this coin)

my ex boyfriend gets casted in the muppets and dies

sorry mom, i've abandoned jesus for a new religion : jesus in the dark.

tall squiggly and HANDsome

old man arm wrestles demon through door knob

the buzzfeed unsolved guys finally catch a ghost but it's their sound tech

immortality but at what cost

working at the big meat factory was so traumatizing it made me vegetarian

i go to america and get almost killed by a furry

well if you love that wasp nest so much why don't you MARRY it (and then she did)

antisocial boat crew bands together to exclude one guy from a midnight party. he dies from the rejection.

bone apple teeth

remember when that norwegian guy threw a tantrum about us not digging a hole? turns out we were right to not dig that hole.

babe come over my parents have taken ill and passed away

man fucks around and it costs him everything

HOMOPHOBIC CHINESE VASE

oh god oh fuck the worms are here

thank you for participating in worms! please rate your wormsperience from 1 to 10.

the wormsperience has left me deeply scarred. i'm going to get lost in a tunnel about it.

🎸music makes me loose control🎸

spooky stories to tell at the next police slumber party

child threatens to run away and join the circus one too many times, and now the circus has come to cash in.

these mosquitoes are mad sus

man frequents local barnes and noble and then dies(?) after liking a book too much.

realtor gets eaten by the backrooms twice. it's a terrible shame.

both me and this weird goth dude have an unsatisfying italy vacation

guy who turns people's bones gets a new job where he continues to turn people's bones.

man who should never be allowed to build prisons builds a prison.

Something Big Is In The Water.

what if u heard me about 15 feet behind you fumbling around and calling out ur name 😳 (and we were both prison guards)

i'm going to be honest i didn't retain anything from this episode except that this guy has the silliest old man voice ever

everybody hates the tax man, including these creepy taxidermy animals

hmmgh. ant house.

so turns out being only 55% sure that vampires are real in my career as a vampire hunter has had some consequences.

the only thing keeping you company in space is your abandonment issues

🎶 the snack that smiles back 🎶 (my husband!)

maybe the real treasure was the house siblings we encased in spider web along the way.

your dead brother wrote books about ancient myths and WHAT

Part 2

[patscorner]

PROLOGUE: HIT

pairings: paige x oc

contains: angst

word count: 686

a/n: let's try another shot at this series thing... here we go

JUNE 2020

I dribble the ball between my legs before taking a step back and shooting the ball. It's almost midnight, and the thunder claps should've kept me in bed, but it seems like the last thing I can do is sleep. It's been three weeks.

Azzi already got her acceptance letter to Uconn. We'd applied at the same time, yet hers came almost a month ago, and I'm sitting here empty-handed.

What if they denied me? What if they just forgot to send it, and I don't find out until I'm in the middle of Texas? Sure, it's not common for colleges to scout one school and find what they're looking for. But with us, I feel like they could. It's always been us two- Azzi and I- and even Paige, and although Paige and I aren't speaking, I don't think I'm ready to let that go yet.

I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to let that go.

But here I am, letting them slip through my fingers. Letting her slip from my grasp.

How did I get here? How’d it get like this? It seems like these past few months have been nothing but loss, love, and the bittersweet taste of change.

I’m a great basketball player, I know that. But if any coach was scouting me right now, they’d cross me off the list immediately. The way the basketball clangs off the backboard once more causes me to groan in frustration, throwing my head back. I chase after it, positioning myself at what would be the wing.

Basketball is a mindless game. Something I do well without even thinking about it. The movement of the ball, the way it bounces off the court, the way my wrist flicks when it leaves my hands, the swish of it passing through the net, whatever; the motions are fluid. Subconscious, even. Something I can do with my eyes closed without a second thought. But right now, I'm thinking about everything, including her. And as though I'd summoned her…

“Dude, it's midnight, what the fuck are you doing?” a groggy voice calls. I flinch at the unexpected presence, and turn around to see Paige. She's got her hair down, the blonde locs frizzy from her sleeping position.

The house lights illuminate her hair, the yellowish glow casting a shadow on the cement. Her red plaid pajama pants hang dangerously low on her waist, her Nike Pro boxers peeking above the cotton material. She's wearing a Uconn hoodie because, of course, she is.

I roll my eyes. “Just throwing shots up.” I say, holding the ball on my hip. I could practically hear her eyes roll. “No, no, I can see that, I just mean, why? It's literally about to rain.”

“Why do you care? Why don't you go back to sleep?” I huff, shooting the ball up again.

She scoffs. “I'd actually love to. In fact, I couldn't think of anything better to do-” I wince as the ball bounces off the rim again. “-but when all I can hear is a fucking ball bouncing, it's kinda hard to enjoy slumber.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever, I'll be done soon.” I mutter as the ball bounces towards her, internally sighing as she picks it up. I hold my hands out, motioning for her to give it to me. She doesn't.

“Why can't you sleep?” She asked, her voice sounding genuinely concerned. That's the thing. She's pretty fucking good at that.

I sigh. “Can I just get the ball, bro.” She can't make anything fucking easy.

She smirks. “Nah. Not ‘till you tell me why you're playing basketball in the middle of the night when it's about to storm.” I groan.

Don't let her in again.

“Nevermind, I'm tired anyway. Court's yours, asshole.” I say, shoving past her and stomping into the house.

There's nothing more I've wanted to do than break down in her arms and tell her everything that I'm thinking, and have her hold me and tell me everything's gonna be okay.

But I've already done that.

And I'm not making that mistake again.

=======================

taglist: @wintersstan @bueckerrss @lilia22hicks @fake-intelligences @girlokwhatever @pbloverr @breeloveschris-deactivated20240 @cosmopretty @hellokittyfeenie @averagelobotomyenjoyer @elliewilliamsthang @chelisbae @angelscovee @st4rrzynight

[sniigura-archive]

Thinking about a 3-way with Adam and Lucifer where Lucifer brags about all the Amazing Sex Tricks(tm) he knows and how he'll be so good you'll rethink your relationship with Adam...but in the end Lucifer can't make you cum no matter what he does, and then Adam make you cum super easily. Lucifer gets haunted by that for the rest of his life. XD

WAITTTTTT…..this opened up my third eye i had to write this. ur onto smth anon…….

cw/tw/tags: threesome, mention of alcohol but everyone can consent, voyerourism, fingering, clit rubbing, oral (m and f receiving), p in v sex

You didn’t think Adam would ever allow this, or be into it. It’s probably more of an ego thing, than anything else. For the both of them.

Maybe it’s the few drinks Adam had, that made him take more risks. But fact is Adam is the opposite of a light weight and it takes more than 2 shitty beers and half of a cocktail you didn’t like for him to be even tipsy.

With your legs spread open, your back leaning against Adam’s chest and Lucifer between your legs, you could only pray that you wouldn’t regret this. If Adam wouldn’t have agreed, you would have probably just flipped Lucifer off.

Fuck, even with Adam agreeing it felt more like a test. Which is why you first said no, and Adam assured you it would be okay. Man, you’re a sucker.

Well, now you’re here, with Lucifer between your legs, after all of his bragging of how he’s better than Adam. Hopefully he lives up to his words? Or, well hopefully he’s at least decent so this whole fiasco is worth it. Adam kissed the side of your head, massaging your breast and tugging at your nipples. His already hard dick was pressing against your lower back. Hopefully he will fuck you good tonight.

You nearly forgot Lucifer was even there, but of course he had to put the attention back to him.

Lucifer lifted the hood from your clit and put his dry finger on it, applying far too much pressure and starting immediately a fast pace of rubbing. It was overstimulating, in a bad way. It was near painful, it felt like he was trying to rub your clit sore. Yikes. At least he wasn’t rubbing your left lip and asking you how good it feels? Nevermind, you prefer the lip rubbing because you were going to die if something happens to your clit.

Your hips jolted away from Lucifer, and you pressed your lips in a tight line, trying to keep yourself from swearing at Lucifer. In a bad way. Looking nervously to Adam up, even he looked not quite impressed. Well, it’s because he knows your body, nearly as well as his own body. His brows were furrowed and his fingers twitched around your tits, ready to throw Lucifer out.

“Ouch! Dude, you want to give my clit a fucking friction burn? And now you scratch it with your long ass nails? Jesus….” You sternly told Lucifer, putting your foot on his shoulder and pushing him away.

You pinched your nose bridge, while Lucifer looked up at you with big, surprised eyes. He’s the personification of a kicked puppy right now. You felt Adam shift behind you, laughing at your words.

“Yeah, right sorry, let me, uh, let me do something…else?” It was more of a question than anything, where did his confidence go?

Lucifer whipped his hand on the sheets, a nervous gesture. Your patience was running thin. Shit, Adam spoils you too much, you can’t take bad sex anymore. He better never leave, or let you at least make a dildo of his dick. That’d be great. Lucifer grasped your thighs into his hand and lowered his face towards your pussy. He licked a strip up your weeping cunt, and wrapped his lips around your clit.

Your eye lids fluttered shut, good to know he can do one thing right at least. Sadly, he was only unusually talented for a moment, before he ruined it again. How he did it this time? Having weirdly sharp and big canines isn’t good for eating pussy. Especially when biting down hard at your clit, not sexy at all. His tongue game was good, but that just ruined your whole mood.

Grasping his blond hair strands in your hand you forcefully tugged him off of you, while wincing in pain. You’ve had enough. No more threesomes.

“Fucking hell, I thought you were going to make my bitch reconsider being with me? I think you’re making her run straight towards my dick.” Adam rubbed his stubbly chin with a grin. This is going way better than he thought it would, “Wanna see how hot she looks when she cums?”

Adam turned you around, so now you were facing him. What a handsome face he has. He crashed his lips into yours, licking the inside of your mouth. His hands were rummaging all across your body, seemingly rubbing away the touch of another. His thick fingers found your semi wet pussy, he licked his thumb before he started massaging gentle circles on your most sensitive body part.

With his other hand he started to slowly enter a thick finger into your throbbing pussy. You were already panting, Adam knew you too well maybe. If he tried hard enough, and you were in the mood, he could probably make you cum in 60 seconds and under. It’s not something you would ever share with Adam though, his ego was too big already.

“Lay down ‘n relax, baby.” Adams voice was gentle, but still commanding. It’s hard to refuse him.

Laying back down, you looked up at Lucifer, who was kneeling down besides your head. His eyes were fully focused on your face. Sometimes they flicked towards Adam, who was working on opening you up.

Once Adam was a sure you were stretched out enough, he flipped you over so you were now in a puppy pose. He moved one of your hands towards your clit, “Touch ya yourself for me, babe. So I can blow your fucking back out in peace. Maybe you can show the loser how much better you’re with your tongue than him.” He chuckled at his own words, while lining up his dick with your entrance.

At the mention of you sucking off Lucifer, he excitedly scrambled to get infront of your face. His dick was pale and his tip near apple red. Jesus, he was slightly bigger than Adam. But you already thought Adam was too big, so this wasn’t something that turned you terribly on. You’re thinking of ordering cock rings for Adam, to stop him from bruising your cervix constantly. You wrapped your fingers around Lucifers huge cock. He hissed at the feeling. So he’s sensitive? That’s good, you can make him cum fast thanks to that.

Adam bullied his dick into your tight hole, causing you to whine from the pressure, your fingers found your clit and you rubbed yourself in your usual motions. You won’t last long with Adam having his twitching, leaking dick buried inside you. Adam started up a gentle rhythm, easing more and more of himself into you. Man, you’re living the dream of every size queen right now. Licking up a strip from his balls towards his tip, Lucifer straight up moaned while his hands shoot towards your head, burying his fingers in your hair.

You took his tip into your mouth, but you couldn’t help but carelessly bit down on the most sensitive part of his dick. Revenge.

Lucifers hips buckled up, while he whined with tears in his eyes, “Ah, that hurts! Ssssssooorry, haaaa, you’re very…….very….pretty. Makes me ….nervous.”

Adam pressed a hand down in between your shoulder blades, causing you to take more of Lucifers length down your throat. You gagged, before regaining your cool. Adam’s piercing rubbed against your gspot, while your fingers carelessly rubbed against your clit. That’s all it took for you to cum, stomach tensing, cunt clenching, while your toes were curled up. Your eyes rolled briefly to the back of your head, while you moaned helplessly around Lucifers cock.

Lucifer moaned, while cumming into your mouth. His cum tasted like acid, so you basically spit his cum and dick out of your mouth. Yikes. Lucifers whole chest and face were completely covered in a red blush, he was breathing heavily.

After a few more ponds into your pussy Adam came inside you. He slapped your ass, before he tugged you up by your shoulders, while still being inside you. Seeing the cum dribble down your chin, and seeing the mess between Lucifers legs, Adam couldn’t help but laugh.

„She always swallows my cum. A real fucking shame.“ Adam kissed your clean cheek, while looking at Lucifers form.

„Wanna go another round, slut?“ Adam asked you, in a provocative manner.

You nodded at him, „Yeah….But. Alone.“ You side eyed Lucifer.

„You heard the woman. Get the fuck out of here.“ Adam growled at Lucifer, who scrambled to get somewhat dressed while leaving the bedroom. He cast one last, yearning look back before he was gone.

During that time Adam had already put you into a mating press, ready to make it up to you by making you see heaven.

[jar-of-maise]

incorrect quotes with my new fav trio

starring wriothesley, clorinde and neuvillette bc i said so

Wriothesley: What do you think Neuvillette will do for a distraction? Clorinde: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* Clorinde: ... or he could do that.

...

Wriothesley: How's the sexiest person here~? Neuvillette: I don't know, how are they~? Wriothesley: I- Clorinde, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

...

Clorinde: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Wriothesley? Wriothesley: … No. Neuvillette: I do! Clorinde: I know, Neuvillette. Neuvillette: I’m sad! Wriothesley: We know, Neuvillette

...

Neuvillette, to Wriothesley and Clorinde: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?! Wriothesley: ... Clorinde: ... Wriothesley: That is such an open-ended question. Clorinde: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-

...

Wriothesley: We need a diversion. I say Neuvillette gets naked. Neuvillette: No. Clorinde: Who are we trying to distract again?

...

Clorinde, at Neuvillette: Would you like to stay for dinner? Wriothesley, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

...

Clorinde: Ooh, somebody has a crush Wriothesley: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Neuvillette I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Wriothesley, very much awake: Uh oh.

...

Neuvillette: There's no way they like me back. Clorinde: Wriothesley would throw himself in front of a moving car for you. Neuvillette: Wriothesley would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

...

Neuvillette: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Clorinde: Clorinde: I'm gonna tell them. Wriothesley: Don't you dare.

...

Wriothesley: Is there a cactus where your heart should be? Clorinde: What’s up your ass this morning! Neuvillette: *walks in* ...Hey. Clorinde: Hmm… nevermind. Wriothesley: WAIT NO!

...

Wriothesley: Do you cook? Neuvillette: I made a cake once. Clorinde: Yeah, it was good. Neuvillette: Really? Clorinde: Don’t make me lie twice, Neuvillette.

...

Neuvillette: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Clorinde: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Wriothesley: Ya know... it might be.

...

Clorinde: Did Wriothesley just tell me he loved me for the first time? Neuvillette: Yeah, he did. Clorinde: And did I just do finger guns back? Neuvillette: Yeah, you did.

...

Wriothesley: Where are my fucking keys? Clorinde: Wriothesley, Neuvillette is around, can you say it a little nicer? Wriothesley: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

...

*Neuvillette dies in a game with ships* Wriothesley: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Wriothesley: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Clorinde: Legend has it that Neuvillette still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Neuvillette: Of course I do.

...

Wriothesley: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Neuvillette: Excuse me [insert name]. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Clorinde: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

...

Clorinde: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Wriothesley! Neuvillette: So Wriothesley knows about this? Clorinde, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

...

Neuvillette: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look? Wriothesley: Like its slips on and off really easily. Neuvillette: Wriothesley: No, I didn't mean it like that- Clorinde: We know what you meant.

...

Clorinde: What have you done with Neuvillette? Wriothesley: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

...

Neuvillette, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Wriothesley: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later* Wriothesley: Here you go. Neuvillette: Wriothesley: Clorinde: Why am I here?

...

Wriothesley: I’m this close to falling in love with Neuvillette. Clorinde: Your fingertips are touching. Wriothesley: Exactly.

...

Neuvillette: Would you take a bullet for me? Wriothesley: ...yes? *Clorinde angrily burst into the room* Neuvillette: *running away* Great, thanks!

guys i love them a healthy amount i swear. NOW DIE ON THIS HILL WITH ME

PART II is now up!

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ask game: 39, 39, 39, 39, oh and also 39

Blease give me more of your writing your brain weirdness is extremely satisfying to my brain weirdness in a way that few others understand or can replicate

Immediately after the battle with Aizen, in what's left of Fake Karakura:

--

Something neon pink appeared at Shinji's elbow At Speed and he startled, yelping loudly and having to fight the reflex to kick what appeared to be a small girl.

"HeyifyouseemydadIwaswiththefallbacktimethewholetimeokay?" She spoke at a speed Shinji had only ever heard from a dangerously overcaffienated Mashiro before.

"I'm not lying for you, Kusajishi." sighed Kuchiki.

"YACHIRU!" someone bellowed loud enough to make the few unbroken windows ring, and Shinji turned to the sound of Ominous Jingling to see a giant of a man with a peculiar vertical hairstyle and a captain's Haori approaching, livid.

"Shit." She muttered, turning to grin sheepishly at her father as he stomped over, expression dark and a tiny, teal-haired toddler on his hip.

"Where were you supposed to be today?" The Giant growled down at Yachiru, and Kuchiki excused himself to sit down on a nearby piece of bench-height rubble.

"...You told me to stay with the fallback team in Seireitei." She sighed.

"So why are you here?" the giant growled.

"BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN WEIRD ALL MONTH AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU IN LAS NOCHES I'D NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!" She shouted, reflexive foot-stomp blasting out a wave of enraged reiatsu.

"So, uh, who're Pinky and Punky here?" Shinji asked, limping over to sit down to watch next to Kuchiki.

"Eleventh Division Captain Zaraki Kenpachi and his daughter, Yachiru Kusajishi." Kuchiki nodded. "They're loud, but honorable and reliable."

"I'VE BEEN WEIRD ALL MONTH BECAUSE- Shit, it's- Its complicated, okay?" Kenpachi groaned.

"And the other girl?" Shinji asked.

"I believe Kurosaki said her name was 'Nel' or similar." Kuchiki nodded. "Not entirely sure why Zaraki is the one carrying her around but it's nothing to worry about. He's great with kids."

"SINCE WHEN HAS 'COMPLICATED' BEEN A REASON TO HIDE STUFF FROM ME?" Yachiru demanded, bristling at him.

"Great with kids, huh?" Shinji glanced over at Kuchiki.

"-BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON EITHER UNTIL ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO! WHAT IF SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU, HUH? IT'S *MY* JOB TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND DAMMIT!"

"Oh, nevermind, I see what you mean." Shinji nodded and there was the barest hint of a smirk on Kuchiki's face.

Yachiru sniffled, tearing up with rage. "WHAT? I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT YOU!?"

"YOU CAN WORRY ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN'T RISK YOUR HIDE FOR MY SAKE, THAT'S NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS-!" he roared, jabbing his finger at Yachiru.

"Can I have a juice?" the teal-haired toddler asked from Zaraki's hip.

"-In a minute Yachiru, I need to-" Kenpachi started and stopped. He blinked a few times, then slowly turned to frown at Nel, then at Yachiru, then back at Nel, pointing between the two girls and expression shifting from rage to utter confusion.

"Did you see another abandoned baby and just pick it up because it was Yachiru-shaped and Neon Colored?" Kuchiki called, teasing.

Kenpachi looked up at him, bewildered "MAYBE??" and Yachiru rolled her eyes behind him.

"That’s the most 'Raised By Birds' thing you’ve done in a while." Kuchiki laughed, getting up to peer down at Nel with curiosity.

"Raised by WHAT?" Shinji asked, jogging up after him.

Kenpachi Stood up straight, shaking his shoulders like he was ruffling feathers. "One, I’m not putting her back, two, who the fuck are these assholes?" He asked, gesturing at Shinji and the other Visored who had started to gather in the rubble to catch their breath after the battle.

"Remember how half the captains had fallen in battle or otherwise vanished before you showed up?" Byakuya asked.

"No, because I wasn’t there." Huffed Kenpachi, rifling through his Kosode and producing a Juice Box for Nel. "-but I remember Ikkaku complaining about the employee turnover."

"-AND I WAS RIGHT!" Ikkaku bellowed from his stretcher behind them, too injured to stand but not about to stop fighting, as expected of someone wearing the 11th Division's lieutenant insignia.

"YOU'RE STILL IN DEEP SHIT FOR THAT BANKAI THING, CUEBALL." Zaraki holled back at his lieutenant, who only turned his head away, sulking.

"Apparently the assorted missing officers weren’t dead, they just caught an artificially induced case of hollowfication from Aizen, but managed to survive and stayed out here in the living world to recover and learn to control their abilities out of sight from him." Kuchiki explained. Beside them, meaningful eye contact was exchanged between father and daughter, and he gave her a juice box as well. "Tactical." Zaraki nodded approvingly. "Also, non-zero chance The Old Man would have killed y'all on sight."

"Er. Yeah." Shinji winced, looking over his shoulder to where a surprisingly non-apocalyptic-looking Captain-General was discussing something with Unohana.

"This man specifically is is Hirako Shinji, Aizen’s former boss." Kuchiki continued, introducing them properly. "Captain Hirako, Captain Zaraki."

"Hiya!" Shinji grinned, holding out a hand for Zaraki to shake, but instead, he too was handed a juice box.

Kenpachi eyed Shinji in a not precisely hostile but still unnerving manner, as he offered Kuchiki a juice box as well and when turned down, opened it for himself and drank, studying him.

"…This explains six or seven things." Zaraki finally spoke, nodding sagely.

Shinji glared up at the giant. "Excuse me?"

Kuchiki waved a hand between Shinji and Zaraki. "I promise, it’s technically a compliment."

"Yeah, if Ken-chan didn't like you, you wouldn't have a head right now." Yachiru giggled.

"Mostly explains the two sets of teaspoons in the 5th division break room." Zaraki nodded, holding his hands out to his sides. "You're, whatsit- tiger-tiger thing?"

"Huh?" Puzzled Shinji.

"Symmetry?" Tried Kuchiki. "I do recall Captain Hirako having immense talent with mirroring and reversing text and other things."

"That's the bitch!" Zaraki grinned. "Not a bad idea though, you always have enough spoons."

"Huh. I guess so?" Shinji pondered, eyeballing Zaraki in turn. "Kenpachi, so you're captain of the 11th? If I remember correctly, Kiganjo was the tenth Kenpachi- so how many Kenpachis did we run through while I was away?"

"Just him for the last century. Only the two serious challenges to his post." Kuchiki explained, looking almost... proud? There were strange political currents swirling here, leaving Shinji feeling adrift.

"For real?" Shinji asked with genuine admiration. Outside of statistical outliers like Unohana and The Old Man, it was rare for a captain to hold their post for more than two centuries, and the average in the 11th more like 60 years.

Kenpachi waved his hand noncommitally. "One and a half. Tetsuzaimon Iba was really challenging his Mother by proxy." he corrected, head tilting with a jingle and Shinji realized the vertiginous hairstyle was there to support a dozen or so small bells, before the rest of the sentence caught up with him.

"Tetsuzaimon?" Shinji blinked. "Wasn't that what Chikane Iba was going to call her son?

"Yah." Zaraki nodded, sounding like a sleigh full of presents.

Shinji stared blankly. "But- but- She was still pregnant when I.. left? He’s an infant!

"Nah, Lieutenant Iba's a whole-ass man now." Zaraki looked over his shoulder. "Ay Iba-" he called to a robust man with sunglasses wearing the 7th Division's lieutenant's badge, currently engaged in picking up Ikkaku and moving him out of the way for the 4th division triage. "-How come you're spotless when my vice looks like someone fucked up at the abattoir?"

"Hi Captain Zaraki!" Iba waved back, , Ikkaku slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "It's because he's a fucking idiot, sir!"

"FUCK YOU!" Ikkaku shrieked, flipping them off from where he hung awkwardly over his friend's shoulder.

"FUCK ME YOURSELF YOU COWARD!" Zaraki bellowed back.

Shinji watched the spectacle with wide eyes, slowly coming to an unpleasant realization, before slowly putting a hand on Kuchiki’s shoulder. "…Sojun." He sighed, using his colleauges given name with heavy morose. "I’m afraid we may be Old Men now."

Kuchiki turned and blinked at him, confused. "I’m Byakuya."

It was Shinji's turn to stare in confusion. "...Kuchiki Byakuya isn't even in the Academy yet?"

"No, I'm a captain now. Sojun, my father, died shortly after your disappearance." Apparently-Byakuya explained, arching a concerned eyebrow down at him.

"Fucking what." Shinji said flatly, feeling like he'd been drained of all color and redrawn with a sharpie by someone's off-hand.

"HAH!" Barked Zaraki. "Yer Old Fart, Tiger."

Byakuya scoffed up at Zaraki. "What’s that make you then?"

"An Ancient and Revered Relic, thank you." Kenpachi said, puffing up his chest in mock-pride.

"What's going on?" Nel asked Yachiru in a loud whisper.

"Bowlcut here is an old fart who is just now realizing that he's an old fart, but he’s younger than me, so he’s also a baby." Yachiru explained. "Either way, impressive bowel control for his age!"

"HEY!" Yelped Shinji.

"Drink ya Battle Victory juice, Tiger." Zaraki said, giving Shinji a consoling pat on the shoulder.

"...It's a bitter Juicy Juice I drink this day." Shinji sighed, disconsolately stabbing the box with the straw and drinking with despair.

[candyskiez]

thinks about teru again. he’s so funny and tragic to me. like. ok so he got targeted by a psychic terrorist organization that sent adults to try and kidnap him at a young age. and he rationalizes it by going “i am the Protagonist this is happening because i am the Main Character” and then lives his life by that idea bc it’s that or face the fact that he’s nothing, that he’s an average person and all these things happened to him for no reason. and then he meets mob and wants to befriend him, has questions he wants to ask- here is someone who might finally understand him. and then bc teru is thinking like a Main Character i think he goes “ok so if i defeat him then we’re friends otherwise we’re rivals” bc he’s still going off of tropes and cliches. and then shigeo fucking curbstomps him and he goes “oh ok i get it im not the main character 👍 KAGEYAMA’s the main character. so i must be The Rival Character then” but it’s just a way he can act as a friend without breaking the tropes he uses to rationalize his trauma

YEAH YOU GET IT! YOU UNDERSTAND! He's so horribly lonely but also literally everything about his mindset is directly standing in the way of giving him any connection. He holds people to such high standards that they're always going to disappoint him, so he spends time with none of them. He craves constant approval and affection but none of it is enough to satisfy the need for actual connection. So he just goes through shallow relationship after shallow relationship going Yep. This is great. I am happy. And I genuinely think he doesn't realize he's NOT happy because like. When you're in a shitty situation for your entire life you don't necessarily realize things can be Better. So Teru is not captured by claw when other people are, and he can do things that other people can't, so his situation is better than most! Nevermind the fact hey maybe there shouldn't be Claw. Maybe people shouldn't be attacking random kids. Maybe this is all insane. He's just like. Wow I'm so strong and smart for evading claw, because the idea that he just was Lucky would be terrifying and take away his entire sense of safety. He needs to be the smartest toughest guy that Has Ever Existed™ because if he's not, then suddenly he could get captured or die at any moment. And that's suddenly way less haha my life is so cool! The denial juice is strong here.

Literally everything about his introduction episodes is so damn telling. He tells the body improvement club everyone always underestimates him. But he conveniently leaves out how this makes him feel, or if he's offended. We see him lose his shit when Mob says he isn't able to hurt him, so clearly he's far more affected by it than he wants to admit. But he can't be upset by it. It's an Advantage in this Battle he's in. No one takes him seriously, and that means he can get away with more shit, and that means it's easier to beat them in battle! Nevermind the fact that he works his ass off, he is not upset at all, because that would be ridiculous. It's an Advantage. He wraps literally everything in his life that hurts him up in a bow of "Actually, this is good." He cannot admit that anything about him or his life is bad. He cannot admit that he isn't perfect, or that his life isn't just a fun challenge, or that he maybe misses his parents a little bit. He like...just fully submerges himself in the idea of being a character so he doesn't have to realize how easily he could die or have his life ruined. If his parents stop sending him money, he's fucked. If claw beats him, he's fucked. He doesn't have actual connections with people, because he views them too lowly to let them in at all, and he is fucking himself over so hard with it. He needs this to not be terrifying. And he also needs to be in the right, I think. I mean, he treats all of the fights at school like a game. It feeds his ego and it means he's safe. People can't touch him and it feels good to take out his anger (he's just angry that they disrespect him, he has nothing else whatsoever to have unresolved anger about, he is completely fine and is just enjoying being able to wipe that smug smile off that assholes face. He is so okay and well adjusted!) He's just. A mess of weird ass coping mechanisms. If he isn't right, which he definitely is!, suddenly he isn't the main character, suddenly he's not just Doing Whatever, suddenly he's just another asshole. Y'know. Do I make sense. He needs to be right because if he's not right it goes from a fun game to he was just an asshole for no reason and he didn't actually gain anything at all.

God. I need to rewatch EP five, because it's insane and also tells you so much about Teru, I'm sure it's even better on a rewatch. I need to rewatch this show soon or I'll die. But like. God. He takes the idea of the only other natural esper his age he's ever met being different than him SO personally. Because he's right. He is doing everything exactly the way he is supposed to. Clearly this guy is an idiot and weak. That's why he's afraid to fight him. Clearly. He can't comprehend that maybe Mob just straight up doesn't want to hurt him. Mob thinks he's better than him. Mob needs to be taken down a peg. And then he can't hurt Mob. Then he can't break his fucking barrier. Hes fought espers before. He knows how to fight espers. He is perfectly capable of it. He has literally everything he needs to beat him and for the first time he very suddenly Can't. And this person is so different and is treating him like he's having a temper tantrum and isn't following his rules that he's formed his entire life around. Can I interest you in autistic Teru. Can I please interest you in the fact Teru has autism. Please ma'am I just want a minute of your time.

I also feel like. The fact he Needed to idolize Mob is very telling. Mob defeated him so CLEARLY he's so powerful and perfect and amazing. He still can't let go of Being Amazing, of the idea he can't fail for no good reason. He needs Mob to be special or else he means nothing. Or else he's worthless. He needs to mean something. His entire identity is hinged around Mob now which. No pressure. He needs Mob to be perfect or else he's worth Nothing. So he puts him on a huge pedestal so he doesn't have to do any reflecting and now he can have the added bonus of a friend and it's Fine! It is totally fine. He is not affected by the fact he almost killed a man on accident. He is not affected by the fact he may have severely injured several people. He is not affected by the fact Mob could've killed him. He is not affected by the fact he was wrong. None of this affects him at all. He is So Fine.

And then he switched the narrative around to haha I was the one who needed to be taken down a peg. This is fine. My world view is not in shambles. I don't need to reassess anything. Everything that happened to me is still cool and fine and I still matter because I'm in the main characters life. So it's fine. He goes from nothing matters except Me to nothing matters except Kageyama, but at first he's done absolutely zero reconfiguring.

Also like. He romanticized that fight so much. Can we please talk about that. God. Hi. This fucking kid. Someone please like. Get him a therapist and maybe a Capri Sun.

I'm too tired to write more right now and think I should probably go ahead and post but like. Yeah. God. This show. Teru makes way too much damn sense. I want to shake him. What is his problem (just spent several paragraphs analyzing his problem.)

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Hurts Like Heaven

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: You and Jamie were nothing more than friends with benefits…then Jamie realizes that the way he feels for you is more than friends.

A/N: inspired by the song I Think I Like You by The Band Camino

You and Jamie had been friends for a few years. You met through Keeley and he'd tried to get into your pants after they'd broken up. But girl code meant you don't sleep with your friend's ex unless they say it's okay.

Years later, he and Keeley still aren't together. It originally saddened Jamie, however, he learned that he valued her highly as a friend and he eventually lost feelings for her.

That's when you came in.

Jamie didn't feel ready to get back into serious dating, but he also didn't feel like going back to random hook ups like his early days. That's when you suggested a friends with benefits relationship.

The suggestion surprised Jamie, especially since you rejected him a few years ago.

You rolled your eyes at him, "Yes, but I've gotten Keeley's permission to sleep with you if I chose to do so."

His brows rose, "I'm sorry, what? When did this happen?"

You shrugged like it was no big deal, "Like a year ago."

"So you're telling me we could've been fucking for a year now?"

You snorted, "I didn't think you'd still be interested."

He grinned at you, "Oh, I'm still very interested."

It was nice. He thought the arrangement would change things but it didn't. He still texted you about the things Jan Maas said or a new song that Dani introduced him to. You two would facetime for hours while he was at away games until you both fell asleep. He used to be a man of not many words, but he found himself never shutting up in your presence.

You grabbed lunch or dinner when you could and instead of going your separate ways, either one of you followed the other to your respective homes and you had sex.

Some days, you didn't have sex at all. He'd come over with take out and you two would watch a movie. Or he'd help you cook dinner while you're both singing Harry Styles' lyrics at the top your lungs. He felt so happy and at peace with you.

It was great. It was nice...until you told Jamie that someone had asked you on a date.

"It's fine. We're not dating or nothing, so why would it matter?" he asked you when you broke the news.

You shrugged, "I dunno. Guess I-nevermind. I'm going to cancel our movie night on Friday then."

"What? Why?"

"That's when my date is. Unless...I cancel it?" You looked at Jamie like you were hoping for...something. What you were hoping for he didn't know, but he shook his head, "No, no. It's fine. Could probably go to the pub with the lads or something." He then pointed a finger at you, "But you let me know if he does something that makes you uncomfortable. I'll pick you up. Just say the word."

You nodded and give him a smile, "I know. Thanks, Jame."

________________

It's the night of the date. Jamie has been on edge the entire day and he's not exactly sure why. You'd sent him your outfit for the date and you...you looked beautiful, sexy, gorgeous. There was a pit in stomach when he realized that you'd never dressed up for him like that. Why would you? You two are only friends who also sleep together. Nothing that would warrant you to put much that effort...but Jamie wanted it.

Fuck, did he want you to dress that way only for him, to take you on dates and call you his girl.

Holy fuck, why did he have to realize this all too late?

Even when he went to a club with the lads, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He kept checking his phone every five minutes to see if you'd messaged him. The last thing you sent was you telling him the restaurant you were at and he'd sent you a thumbs up.

He stood at one of the standing tables, nursing a beer and just watching the crowd. His teammates were drinking and dancing with women, except for Colin who was dancing with his boyfriend, Michael.

Getting a bit anxious, he pulls his phone out again, looking at the thread of texts between you and him.

"Are you alright, Jamie?" Sam asks above the club's music.

Jamie sighs and pockets his phone, "I'm gonna step out for a bit!" he shouts back and Sam responds, "I'll come with you!"

They take their beers and head out to the back patio of the club. The music is still loud but not as much.

Jamie lets out a deep breath, letting the cool air encompass him. Sam nudges him, "What's going on?"

Jamie chuckles to himself, "Think I'm in love, Sam," and then winces.

Sam cocks a brow in confusion, "Why do you look so pained then?"

Jamie sighs and runs a hand through his now brunette hair, "It's complicated."

"Is it Y/N?"

Jamie's head whipped to Sam's direction, "How the fuck did you know that?"

Sam can't help but laugh, "You don't hide it very well when you're with her. You're...happier with her."

He scoffs, "'M not so happy now, am I? She's on a date right now."

"Why?"

"Some bloke from the IT department asked her and she asked me how I felt about it and I said it was fine. That her going on that date doesn't matter 'cause we're not exclusive or nothin' and now I fuckin' regret it 'cause I fuckin' love her!" after his mini rant he looks back as a smug looking Sam, "What?"

"I think the solution to your problem is very simple, Jamie."

"Yeah? And what's that."

"Tell her."

He's immediately shaking his head, "No. No. I can't. I can't. It'll ruin everything."

"I don't think it will."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I have a strong feeling it'll be okay."

Suddenly, his phone is buzzing and your contact photo is staring up at him. He looks up at Sam and his teammate is grinning at him, "Tell her," he says before patting Jamie on the back and heading back inside.

Jamie nods and answers your call, "Hey, you alright?"

"He was a complete prick! He yelled at our server because his pasta wasn't al dente and complained about me eating too much bread."

"Pft. You love bread."

"I love bread so much!" you sigh, "I'm having uber me drop off because there was no way in hell I was getting in the car with him again."

Jamie frowns to himself, "You should've told me. I could've picked you up."

"I texted you ten minutes ago and you didn't respond!"

Jamie curses and pulls back his phone going to the text thread to see you had texted him, "Shit. Sorry, love."

"It's fine. You can come over after your night with the boys."

"I'm leaving right now. Wasn't very exciting anyway. Want me to grab some food?"

You groan, "Yes, please. That meal wasn't satisfying enough."

Jamie finds himself smiling, "Alright. I'll be over in a bit. Get comfy for me."

"Waaaay ahead of ya. Tossing the dress in the hamper as we speak and pulling out my comfy clothes. Shall I pull yours out as well?"

"Please."

"Got it. See you in a bit, Jame."

"Right. Bye." After he ends the call, he heads inside to say his good-byes to his mates. Sam is giving him a knowing look and a "Good luck" as he walks out of the club.

___________________

Half an hour later, Jamie is letting himself into your place with the spare key that you gave him. He places the takeout on the coffee table in front of you.

"Go eat. I'm gonna change."

"Thank you!" you holler as he walks down the hallway to your room and where you've laid out a pair of joggers and a t-shirt for him. He quickly changes and heads back to your living room where he sees you shoveling your face with the food he's brought.

He's smiling wide as he sits beside you, "Good?"

You nod, "Soooo good!"

He grabs your remote and plays the movie you picked, "Guess we ended up having our movie night after all."

You snort, "Shout out to Liam for IT for being a prick, I guess."

Jamie stills. His brows furrow and you see he's thinking hard about something. You set your food down, pause the movie, and turn to completely face him on the couch.

"What's going on?"

"I realized something."

"Okay...is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Depends on how you take it, I suppose," he turns to face you as well, "I...I think I like you more than I should."

"Meaning..."

"I'm in love with you. I think I have been for a while now but it just didn't hit me until you were out with that prick-"

"Liam-"

"and all I could think about tonight was losing you. I hate that you looked absolutely gorgeous for someone else. I hate that it was him taking you on a date and not me. And I hate the thought of someone else being where I should be."

You chuckle, looking away and shaking your head, "Jamie Tartt," and this is when Jamie prepares to be rejected by you, "took you long enough."

Oh. Oh. That's not something he expected.

"So, uh, so you-"

You lean in pressing your lips against his and when you pull away you're smiling, "I love you too."

"Oh. Great. Cool. That's-That's good."

You laugh, "Did I break you?"

"Maybe?"

You laugh more and he's smiling again. Your laugh is music to his ears and it's filling him up with so much warmth and love.

You pat his knee, "Alright, loverboy, let's continue this movie night , yeah?" you press play and you grab your food. You curl up into Jamie's side and he relishes in your warmth while you feed him some of your food.

A day later, Jamie posts a picture of you sitting across from him at the same restaurant you went to with Liam, with the caption: Dinner with me girl <3.

His comments littered with applause and congratulations from his teammates and fans. They all love you, but Jamie loves you the most.

[hiro-doodlez]

LIST OF ENGLISH ACRONYMS AND ABBREVIATIONS (the random letters that people use sometimes)!! FEEL FREE TO USE AS A REF (reference) SHEET!! In alphabetical too!!

Tone indicators at the bottom!

GENERAL:

AFK- away from keyboard

AKA- also known as

ASAP- as soon as possible

ASL- American Sign Language

B4- before

BC- because

BF- boyfriend

BFF- best friends forever

BTW- By the way

BTS- Behind the scenes/back to school / that one band

BRB- be right back

CW: content warning

Cya- see ya

DM- direct message

DW- dont worry

EZPZ- easy peasy

FB- Facebook

FW: flash warning

FAQ- frequently asked questions

FYI- for your information

GF- girl friend

GG- good game

GJ- Good job

GL- good luck

Gnite- good night

GTFO- get the fuck out

GTG- got to go

Gud- good

H8- hate

HBD- happy birthday

Hella- really

HMU- Hit me up

HW- Homework

IDK- I don't know

IDC- I don't care

IG- I guess / instagram

IK- I know

IKR- I know right

K- okay

Lmao- laughing my ass off

Kewl- cool

Kk- okay

Lol- laugh out loud

ILY- I love you

ILYSM- I love you so much

IMO- in my opinion

IRL- in real life

IYKYK- if you know you know

JFC- Jesus fucking chrkst

Jk- just kidding

L8R- later

LMAO- laughing my ass off

LMK-let me know

LOL- laughing out loud

Mkay- mm okay

NE- Any

NE1- anyone

NGL- not gonna lie

NM- Nothing much

NP: no problem

NSFW- not safe for work

NVM- nevermind

NW- no worries

Obv- obviously

OFC- of course

OMW- on my way

OP- original post(er)

OTP- one true pairing

Ova- over

Pic- picture

Pls-please

Plz-please

POV: point of view

Ppl- people

Prolly- probably

QOTD- quote of the day

R- are

RB- reblog

Ref- reference

Rly- really

RN- right now

RP- role play

RPG-role playing game

RT- retweet

Sec- second

SH- self harm

SMH- shaking my head

SMP- survival multiplayer server (Minecraft) / social media platform (?)

S.O- significant other

Sui- suicide

Sus- suspicious

STFU- shut the fuck up

T- testosterone

TBA- to be announced

TBF- to be fair

TBH- to be honest

TF- the fuck

Thnks- thanks

Thx- thanks

TLDR- too long didn't read (usually a summary)

TMRW- tomorrow

TOS- terms of service

TTYL-talk to you later

TW: trigger warning

Vid- video

WTF- what the fuck

WYD- what are you doing?

YOLO- You only live once

YT- YouTube

YW- you're welcome

—————

If the one youre looking for isnt here, either i forgot or its a fandom! Id suggest looking it up if youre confused!

Extra note: if you see 8 in one of the acronyms, then it usually is used as an “ate” sound. So h8= ate, gr8= great ect.

—————

TONE INDICATORS:

/aff- affectionate

/c- copypasta

/cb- clickbait (?)

/f- fake

/gen- genuine

/genq- genuine question

/half joking

/ij- inside joke

/j- joking

/lyr- lyrics

/lh- light hearted

/lu- little upset

/neg- negative

/nf- not forced

/nm- not mad

/npa- not passive aggresive

/nsrs- not serious

/p- platonic

/pa- passive aggresive

/pos- positive

/q- quote

/r- romantic

/ref

/s- sarcastic

/srs- serious

/t- teasing

/th- threat

I HOPE THIS HELPS!! and if i forgot to add one feel free to send an ask ^^

[bravetimetravellingaussie]

Walk

Poolverine oneshot

Summary: they're making their way downtown, walking slow because their dog has very short legs

Warnings: foul language, deadpool and wolverine are in this, consider yourself warned

"I'm going out with Mary, might stop by the store or something, you want anything?" Logan asked as he clipped a leash on Mary Puppins.

"Oh, sure. Well, I do need some things, it'd probably be easier if I just came with you though."

"Hurry up then and let's go."

"Let's fucking go," Wade snickered under his breath.

As they made their way out of the apartment, they bumped into a neighbour, with whom Logan exchanged a polite smile and a 'good morning'.

"Hey, peanut, can you pinch me real quick?"

"Why?"

"Oh, nevermind."

"Hey, peanut, you looked so cheery earlier. I would've stayed home if you didn't want me tagging along on your morning walk."

Logan didn't ease up his frown. "You got a problem with my face, bub?"

"No, of course not. But your resting bitch face was a little less severe before we left the house."

"Keep talking like that and you won't have a face."

"Man I love our threat of great violence banter."

They carried on walking in silence. There were no more goodmornings. In fact, nobody gave them a second look. Quite on the contrary, they seemed to be avoiding looking at them.

"This is weird," Wade said, more to himself than anyone else.

"Well, I'm sorry I don't feel like smiling and engaging in small talk all the time, bub." Logan sounded increasingly irritated.

"No, it's not- I'm used to you being an off-putting grouch, what I'm not used to is-"

Wade looked back and forth between Logan and the people who quickly looked away the second they saw his rather threatening countenance. And they didn't look back. That's what was weird, Wade was so used to people staring at him or giving him a double take when they walked past, he barely noticed it until it was gone.

Wade gasped and let out a muffled squeal of delight.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, bub?"

"I've got scary dog privilege," Wade told Mary Puppins, crouching down to give her ear a good scratch.

"Mary is tiny, who the fuck could possibly be scared by-"

You could almost hear the cogs turning in Logan's brain.

"Did you just fucking-"

"You know, a lot of people could be scared of Mary Puppins, don't diminish the experiences of people with animal trauma, peanut, you'll make the proofreader feel bad."

"What are you talking about?"

"Now be honest, peanut, were you making yourself look scary on purpose?"

Logan's nose twitched and he bared his teeth a little.

"You were! Oh-my-fucking-rom-com, you were being scary on purpose, you big softie."

Logan humphed but didn't argue. Wade skipped along all the way to the grocery store.

"I have to pop by the pharmacy real quick before we can head home. Blind Al wanted me to pick up a prescription for her."

"I picked up Althea's meds for her yesterday."

"Oh, well these are different ones."

"Oh, OK. Well I might as well go in with you, say hi to the pharmacist, we've gotten quite friendly, seeing as how I always go get Althea's prescriptions for her."

"Fine! Enough with the mind games and light guilt tripping! I was going to- well the lemon and seltzer water weren't doing enough so I figured I'd try something else. I read on the Internet that-"

"What blood stains, Wade? You haven't gone on any missions recently."

"Yeah, well, remember how you warned you might stab me in your sleep, you did, and I didn't want to say anything because that seems like a touchy subject and the stabbing doesn't really bother me, it's not like we haven't stabbed each other before, and I was worried you might-"

"Shit, Wade."

"Logan? It's not a big deal."

Logan felt his nails digging into the palm of his hand. It was true that he'd beaten the shit out of Wade before, and vice versa, and they were both fine, but damn it, he hated not being in control. He hated lashing out at the people who chose to be there, the people who chose to care. He thought he'd been getting better at that, but he hadn't even noticed-

"Logan, snap out of it."

Logan bit the inside of his cheek so hard he could taste blood.

"You warned me, and I was okay with it. I still am." Wade gently placed his hands on Logan's shoulders. "Look if the nightmares bother you that much, maybe you can find a support group for veterans or traumatised superheroes - god knows there should be one of those, a lot of problems could be avoided if superpowered individuals got the emotional support they needed - or I don't know, I don't think we can afford to get you therapy, but you have people now Logan. You have Blind Al, and Mary Puppins. And me. You can talk to us. But I am not letting you push me away, no siree. If you want off the couch you're going to have to fight me. Understood?"

Logan's frown seemed more confused than angry now.

"I may have to start sleeping shirtless so you don't ruin and more of my t-shirts, though. I hope you don't mind. Tit for tit or something like that."

All of Logan's energy was being used on trying not to cry at that point, but he couldn't help a small smile at that last bit.

"Now that that's sorted. Let's go home."

[kdinjenzen]

Mortal Kombat seems determined to confuse the fuck out of players by making the titles of their games impossible to follow:

Mortal Kombat - GREAT START! FUN NAME!

Mortal Kombat II - AN SEQUAL!

Mortal Kombat 3 - TRILOGY, BAYBEEE!

Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 - SUPER STREET FIGHTER 2!

Mortal Kombat Trilogy - SUPER STREET FIGHTER 2 TURBO CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION!

Mortal Kombat 4 - Oh thank goodness we aren’t ditching numbers!

Mortal Kombat Gold - NEVERMIND! HERES AN UPGRADE TO MK4 THAT DOESNT SAY ITS MK4!

Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance - This is Mortal Kombat 5, but you’d never know it by looking at it.

Mortal Kombat: Tournament Edition - An UPDATE to Deadly Alliance but ONLY FOR THE GBA!

Mortal Kombat: Deception - This is Mortal Kombat 6 and you will definitely not remember that.

Mortal Kombat: Unchained - This is ALSO Mortal Kombat 6, but for the PSP and released the same year as Mortal Kombat 7.

Mortal Kombat: Armageddon - THIS is Mortal Kombat 7… and it’s the end of the original main series. But if you think we’re done you’re WRONG!

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe - THIS IS TECHNICALLY MORTAL KOMBAT 8 ACCORDING TO THE STUDIO AND I HATE THIS SO MUCH WHY!?!?

Mortal Kombat - This is Mortal Kombat 9, it’s a reboot but also a sequel to Mortal Kombat 7, but it’s got the same name as the original Mortal Kombat. The only way you’ll know I’m talking about this one is if I say “Mortal Kombat 2011” and that’s dumb.

Mortal Kombat X - This is Mortal Kombat 10, and FINALLY we are back to proper numbering and done with the STUPID CONFUSING NAMES!

Mortal Kombat 11 - YES! THIS IS MORTAL KOMBAT 11! Look at how 11 it is! You know it’s the 11th game just by the number ELEVEN next to it! YAY!

And now… they just announced the newest game in the core series…

MORTAL KOMBAT 1 - THIS IS MORTAL KOMBAT 12! AND NOW WE TECHNICALLY HAVE THREE GAMES THAT COULD JUST BE CALLED “MORTAL KOMBAT 1” IN SOME WAY AND ITS SO CONFUSING AND I HATE IT!

I understand PLOTWISE why this “totally makes sense” but for literally ANYONE WHO DOESNT KNOW it looks like they are releasing ANOTHER reboot and technically NO they aren’t but YES they are and I HATE THIS!

[satansindexfinger]

The older brothers with an s/o who has tattoos

Warnings: none

Note: My first ever imagine/scenario haha. I hope it doesn't disappoint;w;

Lucifer

If you didn't know any better, you'd think the Avatar of Pride hadn't noticed your ink at all. He never made any mention of it verbally or let his eyes longer on it too long.

But it didn't escape you how he would trace his fingers over the body art in your more intimate moments, eyes slightly slanted in appreciation. He almost looked like he wanted to comment on them but settled for quietly admiring them.

Eventually he would beg the question, in the middle of a snuggle session, "Say, what does this one represent? It must have some significance if you're willing to have it permanently etched in your skin."

Lucifer is adorning a soft smile as you give your thoughts behind that particular tattoo, proceeding to trace and ask about the others, listening just as attentively.

"I adore the way they decorate your body. I've heard the process is painful; even more reason to appreciate how far you've gone to preserve what's important to you."

If you're considering getting another tattoo, he would be researching the healing process and reminding you to put on your ointment every day.

If you really want to see him lose his composure, get one that symbolizes him or your relationship. You're guaranteed tender kisses on that area (by a red faced Lucifer) when you two are alone. He will make sure you wear clothing that shows it off, unless it's in a private area.

Mammon

He would find them badass as fuck. Doesn't matter what kind of tattoos they are - full sleeve, minimalist, basic designs, intricate art, a triangle on your finger - the great Mammon gives you plus ten badass points.

Would absolutely brag about you behind your back to his brothers and friends. "Ya think yer tough?! Well my S/O is tatted! Bet ya don't have the guts to do that!" It's honestly silly, but Mammon really does love them.

Would never admit it but has looked online for couple matching tattoo ideas. He finds the idea of you both having ink that proves your strong bond heart-stopping.

"So when are ya gonna get one in my honour? I was yer first so I think The Great Mammon deserves it!"

If you actually go with it get prepared for a very flustered and overexcited demon to deal with. He will insist on being with you at your next appointment and holding your hand through it. It's so you don't get scared, is what he says.

Only for him to be the one passing out in the middle of it, seeing the needle going through your skin. It's a bit too much for your boy to handle.

Somehow his hand is still gripping yours throughout it.

Leviathan

Levi found you intimidating to approach at first. He'd be lying if he said he still didn't to some degree even after getting to know you. Levi knows you're a kind soul when it comes to him, but any time he catches a glance at your ink always makes him think about how secretly tough you must be. It makes him go weak in the knees (in a good way).

Can you blame him? The only exposure this boy has had to tattoos has been through anime and other media; tough characters with a rough past are usually the ones with ink, aren't they?! ... Or ones in gangs! You don't have any involvement in those, right?!

Despite the initial worries, Levi actually finds your body art extremely attractive. So much so he stutters and gets red in the face when he tries to compliment you.

"Y-you know, that one is my favourite, uh.. it's r-really nice and pretty! Ugh, no wait, that's not it! I-I mean, it is pretty!! I just meant- Agh, nevermind! I'm sorry!"

Will compare you to fictional characters that also have tattoos and how you are similar in positive qualities. Bonus points if you have any tattoos related to a certain game or show - that will get him rambling for ages.

If you have or are considering getting a fish and/or snake tattoo, Levi would be over the moon.

Lord help him when you roll up your sleeves or otherwise make a tattoo visable by removing your clothes. He would not be able to handle it.

Satan

Satan has done his homework on (most) common tattoos and their meanings upon meeting you. He finds the symbolism and idea of body art in general to be very interesting. Call him sentimental but the avatar of wrath is suddenly very fond of the idea permanently decorating his skin to show off anything personal to him. (A cat. He wants a tattoo of a cat.)

"I've heard tattoos show what humans hold dear to them; or what they want to keep in their memory. Or something they strongly believe in. So, would you mind explaining the history behind yours?"

You talking about your tats is a whole other level of intimacy for Satan. He feels the art shows sides of you he would otherwise find trouble reaching. He is taking mental notes the entire time, hoping to do further research later.

Will surprise you by telling you random facts about the history of the art of tattooing, ones you probably have never heard of. It warms your heart seeing just how much Satan is invested in learning more about you through this.

Would not mind visiting a tattoo parlour just for the fun of it, regardless if you're getting a new tat or not. If you do have an appointment Satan will stay with you the entire time. It's kind of awkward how intently he's staring at the tattoo gun the entire time.

The rebellious teenager in him wanted to get a "Fuck Lucifer" tattoo on him somewhere, but with your help he decides against it. He will settle with his pact mark. As long as you get that too.

[inazumaclown]

finally. the gouenji post where i rate his looks (soccer and school uniforms excluded).

gouenji is the face of the franchise along with endou and kidou, he has his own manga spinoff, and he's regularly elected as a fan favourite in every popularity contest.

canonically, gouenji has a huge fanclub of girls rooting for him and it's definitely not only because soccer.

so why is he so popular ?

well mostly because he's non verbal most of the time (girls love boys who can shut up), he makes bomb ass takoyaki, and he's also very handsome. but are his clothes helping or is he THAT handsome ? let's find out.

ah, the OG season 1 classic. the first ever outfit. he looks great. orange is as much his color as it is endou's, it suits him very well. we already know gouenji is careful with his looks, since he canonically spikes his hair every morning, and now, we can be sure the fucker knows how to dress himself. he knows how to make colors match, he even matches the sunset. truly unparalleled.

if kazemaru didn't exist, i would have fell in love with him. 10/10

OG season 2. man i want that hoodie. i want it so much. it's as cool in the game as it is in the anime.

i really like how this outfit manages to hide him and completely reveal him at the same time. the orange color, the fucking saiyen hairstyle under the hood. this dumbass had to keep the spikes even though he knew he had to hide them under a fucking hoodie that would ruin his work. it's called dedication. 11/10

before moving on to GO, (where the problems lies mostly), let's talk about two out of category looks.

i love gouenji's looks in the games, especially the very first. he looks like a whole different character, way more rebellious and loudmouthed with his frosted tips, jet black eyes and eyebrows, unbuttoned jacket (we'll talk about those) and single earring. he looks very homosexual. 10/10

after the first game tho, they dropped the delinquent look and he got the inverted pikachu treatment, they made him rounder. a little saddened but not complaining, they kept the best features. 8/10

one day i'll talk about the orion endings in detph, with all the emotions they triggered in me. persisting in giving him a hood is funny though. 7/10

OK NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT GO.

the ishido shuuji outfit. iconic.

my man looks EXPENSIVE and that's great. i can see the first game gouenji in him. i cannot tell if he's gay or european. the raybans, the blood read suit, the slutty unbuttoned shirt, the jewelry, the kazemaru blue streaks iN his unspiked hair ! this outfit would cost me more than my day job monthly salary. he's living the life.

i can't buy him as a villain but i can buy him as a mean girl. 100/10

the concept art is as good as the final design. i do get why they didn't keep the spikes for this look. he would have looked a little too much like a gay broly. not a bad thing but understandably unpreferable.

there it is. the glowdown.

his hair does look good unspiked but... where are the blue streaks. why is he suddely hiding his chest under three layes of clothing. gouenji darling you know warm colors suit you best so why the grey-blue-ish suit ? am i supposed to believe this is the real you ? i know it's not. i hope you find yourself. 4/10

OH BOY NEVERMIND WTF IS THIS.

wtf went through everybody's head while designing this. i get this is a way to mimic adult endou's charm but it does not work. gouenji isn't endou. you love endou because he's a very wholesome bundle of joy (voiced by naruto), and you love gouenji bc he is one half of the inazuma eleven equivalent of sasuke (kidou being the other half), you can't dress them the same way and not see the dissonance.

this man is not gouenji, this man buys cheap beers in the early afternoon without saying thank you to the cashier. this man pretends to be a metalhead. this man just divorced kanye. i would not trust him with my kids.

this is not a relaxed look, this is a sad, depressed look. please gouenji talk to someone. people love you. you can be helped. 0/10

conclusion : i don't know how they fucked up so bad at the end, they really made gouenji forgot about his hard-earned fashion skills. thank god he actually IS that handsome but before that he's all W after W. i'm eager to see him in victory road.

[tulipselfships]

Chiaki, Sonia, Sucy, and Nazuna with male reader who is like Dark Link 🗡️

Chiaki Nanami, Sonia Nevermind, Sucy Manbavaran, Nazuna Hiwatashi X Male!Reader who is like Dark Link from The Legend Of Zelda

CW: N/A

(OOC: Thanks for the request! There was no descriptor for Dark Link's personality on the wiki, so I had to make it up myself. Basically like an emo version of regular Link.)

Requests are open!

Request Rules

Fandom Masterlist

BNA: Brand New Animal Masterlist

Super Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair Masterlist

Little Witch Academia Masterlist

Chiaki Nanami

She'll mostly just be staring at you in awe. You look like you're made of magic, but you look so real too.

It's unlike anything she's seen before, even in one of her games.

But that makes her love you even more. You're an uncommon breed.

You're not that talkative, which she doesn't mind. You're so silent, that she barely notices when you move.

Attempting to play video games with her goes… interestingly. You're still learning.

Chiaki doesn't care that you don't have much of an identity. She has someone of her own, and that's what matters to her.

Sonia Nevermind

Sonia studies you like she studies anything she finds interesting.

And boy, does she find you interesting.

She constantly asks questions about what you are, exactly.

You don't answer. But, you admire her curiosity.

She warms up to you. She's interested, but she's not repulsed in any way by you.

She finds looking at you mesmerizing, almost hypnotizing.

She constantly says that you'd be a great Prince. And maybe you would.

I mean, you have skills, and the strength to help her out.

She talks about her kingdom with you, knowing you'd be into that kind of stuff.

Later in your relationship, she even sometimes takes you there.

Sucy Manbavaran

Sucy has… seen more, in her life.

The Forest Of Arcturus has some fucked up creatures, man.

Speaking of, that's where you and Sucy like to stroll sometimes.

Either there, or in the city.

She gets you to come as well when Akko takes her places, so she's not bored.

Your silent nature allows her to use you like an information sponge, going on about different kinds of mushrooms and various types of flora.

She tries some potions on you, but they don't seem to have any effect. That's odd.

But, hey, that means you're in less danger, and she's happy. She lets you witness a few of her experiments too.

Nazuna Hiwatashi

You two don't share a lot in common, but that's the thing, right? Opposites attract?

She likes to attempt to imitate your stoic personality, but then break down trying to hold a straight face.

She's so playful, and you aren't the same.

Listening to her sing has given you a spot for that type of Japanese Pop. You even start willingly listening to it in your free time.

She'll always take you on small dates in between shows, because it makes her happy, and she wants you to be entertained as well.

She even brings Michiru in as a 3rd wheel. Shirou wasn't interested in the position.

And riding on her back as she flies is your primary mode of transportation. It's nice feeling the wind in your hair as you ride.

You two are the pinnacle of opposites attract. And you couldn't be happier.

[girlinthetardis04]

LIVE THUNDER SAGA REACTION!!!!!!

Because I wasn't in time with the other releases sadly, but caw caw motherfuckers it's the 4th of July so happy drop day to ME!

Suffering - Different Beasts

Who's singing? PENELOPE??????

ARE THOSE THE SIRENS????????? Or is this just a dream he's having? Hmmmm...

Penny I'll jump in the water for you! Wait did he say daughter? ...Ody would be a great girl dad tho, change my mind.

OH MY GOD I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THE TRANSITION BETWEEN THE TWO SONGS OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

I FUCKING KNEW IT THOSE WERE SIRENS

"Cut off their tails, leave them to drown" ??????????????

Damn, he's really taking Poseidon's advice to heart, huh?

Wait can sirens even drown, I thought they could breathe underwater... although if they can't move, having their tails cut off and all...hmmm... or maybe they're the classic Greek bird sirens...

Daddy chill 😬

Wait, was it just my impression or did the chanting of "Odysseus" sound like the chanting of "Poseidon" at the start of "Ruthlessness"?

★I love how differently Mr. Jalapeno handled the sirens. In the original Odyssey, Odysseus had himself tired to the mast so he could listen to their song (which highlighted his hubris, that was much more evident in the original text) but having him use the beeswax and read their lips was extremely clever. ★

Scylla

Hmm... Not a huge fan of her voice... Doesn't really fit a monster...

EUCALYPTUS YOU BITCH!!!!!!!

Omg, the "Full Speed Ahead" callback!??!

I genuinely can't understand the lyrics, but I know bad shit is happening. Wait, is that a bit of "Survive" thrown in there?

Nevermind about her voice, it's great 😳

★ Ok, I'm very glad I read the Odyssey when I was 9, because I have a hard time with the lyrics sometimes. I know in this part Ody had to choose between sailing closer to Scilla (which would probably kill up to six men) or closer to Cariddi (which would definitely kill all of them), so I'm assuming this is the bit where the sailors bit it or got bit, as it were★

Mutiny

-Ok, I had to pause here because I was absolutely enraged-

I'M SORRY???? I'M SORRY???? WHO WAS THE BITCH THAT OPENED THE WIND BAG, BLOWING EVERYONE TO WHERE POSEIDON WAS, COSTING YOU 558 MEN, WHICH FORCED ODYSSEUS TO OPEN THE WIND BAG AGAIN, WHICH BLEW EVERYONE TO CIRCE'S ISLAND, WHERE YOU NEARLY LOST THE REMAINING FORTY MEN, AND IN FACT, YOU VOTED IN FAVOUR OF LEAVING THEM BEHIND AND SKEEDADDLING, BUT NOOOO, SIX MEN IS WHERE YOU DRAW THE LINE???? YOU HYPOCRITE

Why does this sound like a fighting game miniboss battle?

WHO JUST GOT STABBED?? ODYSSEUS?????

"Where are we?" "Moo" 10/10, no notes

"Don't open the bag"

*proceeds to open the bag*

"Don't kill the cattle"

*proceeds to kill the cattle*

ODY CANON NICKNAME????

Honestly, 99% of the shit Ody goes through

THE JUST A MAN CALLBACK???????

OH THAT IS IT, EURYLOCHOS, GET OVER HERE, I'M THROWING HANDS

Yeah, ok, as an Odyssey reader, everybody gonna die, I been knew, let's move on.

Thunder Bringer

★LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO THUNDER BRINGER, THE SONG I'VE SPECIFICALLY BEEN WAITING FOR, I'M READY BABY, WHOOOO★

Is that the same theme as in God Games??????

Mr Zeus's voice actor, spectacular job, chef's kiss, no notes. Also I saw the animatic trailer, and at the cost of being smited, I get it. I get it.

The way King of Ithaca sounds so mocking coming from Zeus omg.

I VOTE EURYLOCHOS!!!! I VOTE HE DIES!!!!

The crew. I vote the crew. Ody. C'mon. There's only 40 of them left, what is even the point.

Oooh, the call backs??? This should be called the Callback Saga.

"but we'll die" FUCKING KARMA BITCH, SHOULDA THOUGHT ABOUT IT

★No joke, I love the chorus for this song so much, I just laid on my bed staring at the ceiling and smiling like an idiot 😃 <- me, ca 10 minutes ago★

[emmetofthestars]

king is egotistical as hell right. its hard to say. he is, but im always thinking about things besides his ego. from the very first moments that i played we love katamari reroll, he felt so much more different from katamari damacy reroll. yes, they added a replay mechanic, and they incorporated it by king asking if you want to try again - but he asks. he asks if you want to go home now or if you want to try again. its something so miniscule but means alot to me. everything of his attitude changes in we love, like hes really thinking things over now (he himself says hes, well, busy thinking about the future.) and its very strange. in my head theres still a great disconnect between katamari damacy king, and we love katamari king. from the outfit to how he talks to what he tells the prince. egotistical sure. but why in we love is he suddenly "softer"? the game over screen is in no way less violent or hurtful in either game, but in katamari he outright disowns prince, or atleast refuses to acknowledge him any more. in we love he insists, he shouldve been better. he shouldve tried harder, shouldnt have been a let down. look what youve done to the fans (our admirers! our source of validation!). the whole thing about katamari in general is how hard it is to dance around that whole line of the games tone. you cant take any of the games completely seriously, but there is also merit in what happens and what king says, and it seriously kind of hurts my brain to think about it.

what im saying is- its hard for me to even take we love katamaris cutscenes seriously. with kings occasional fourth wall breaks, it makes me think he doesnt take it seriously either, which is extremely hard to process for me. when i got papas mask present, he hands it to me without another word, which seems to be clear he has unresolved feelings about him, but also, this is katamari damacy, so does it actually MATTER? in the game where king and queen met because they had a meet cute (bumped into eachother and fell in love)? a game depicting physical emotional abuse in what are honestly very melodramatic cutscenes, next to king popping and saying "he cant wait for the next episode"? you cant exactly say they wanted people to actually take them seriously- instead its more like a sort of story thats supposed to inspire emotion on purpose, with intent, in the sense that its MEANT to be cheesy and overly emotional. its fucked up when king cries and kneels to papa in a literal tone, but in the story its meant to be their honest reconciliation, given the cutscene right after is papa, king and queen reunited. SERIOUSLY it makes my brain hurt. i love stories but i know that to convert something like that into an actual deep narrative seems like it would betray author intent, and would also just make me feel in the wrong.

at the same time... if im going to make comics and writing, how the hell do i translate this? king is abusive. but its clearly a result of generational trauma, nevermind being in the royal family. he has no idea how to live like an adult because he was never taught that. what with his pondering in we love, it makes me think hes starting to regret some things, but its hard to tell whats going on in his head at any point. its no wonder hes so opaque, of course. not just his upbringing influences him, but the tone of the game, because theyre not going to have king ever be 100% honest about his deep feelings- itd betray the tone of the game in a way that feels silly. like, if he would break down talking about papa, itd probably happen in a way that you ALSO cant take it seriously. theres always some element of ridiculousness in anything katamari, right? alot of things i think about. of course, i can never see something like this and not start thinking about it deeply regardless. dont even get me started on my opinions about kings outfits and his style, which i consider way too important.

im excluding any game past we love btw. only katamari and we love were directed by keita, which makes them the only accurate representations of king, in my opinion. the "king beats the shit out of prince" game over from me & my katamari is also really fucked up, but ultimately worthless, because seriously, i doubt any of the games gets kings character right after we love- when they cant even get his style of clothing right.

[daisymylove]

 Right, I may get some heat for this, but here we go. MAJOR SPOILERS OF CHOT AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

As someone who had been waiting for this book for TWO YEARS, my main take away is that Chain of thorns ended being an utter disappointment. As a former fan of Game of thrones, and other fans will get my meaning, I say this book gives me season 8 vibes: a ludicrous and incomplete conclusion to something that could’ve been epic, marinated on wasted potential.The thing is, we KNOW everything will turn out alright with the world at the end and the villains will fail, after all, this is a prequel on a ya series.We know that many of those characters are the ancestors of the TMI and TDA gangs, BUT that does not mean it couldn’t have been a very enjoyable story that leaves you at the edge of your seat, for we would get to see HOW things came to be

What bothers me the most is how Daisy’s protagonism was stolen, and that’s a first for a cc lead.

Its hinted several times in TDA that Cordelia was a hero whose name shadowhunter history would never forget.She was the sword that stood between evil and the world, saving it from doom on a byegone era... but she kinda didn’t? I shit you not, Cordelia’s greatest features on this book were to kill Tatiana (seriously?) and bang james on a tub.And that’s all.And if anyone had to kill tatiana at all, that person should be grace, it would be a great end to her arc of abuse, but that’s beside the point here

All the build up of “we must get cordelia in there so she can vanquish belial and end this’’ was for literally NOTHING.

After so many people either doubting her, or saying she was their only hope, after spending most of the book not fighting and staying on the sidelines because of the paladin busyness (and making some unhinged decisions along the way), she doesn’t fight Belial AT ALL. WHAT? If she had stabbed james, would it be cohf 2.0? well yes, but it still would’ve been better than james going “time for suicide mission lololol” and driving cortana to his chest.And the healing blade? where did that come from? That was such a cheap way for him to not die

The trip to Edom was for literally nothing.Sure, it brought her and lucie closer after the strain on their friendship,but that doesn’t require a trip to Edom, they could’ve just talked and sorted out their shit

Kit’s death was ridiculous and UNmourned. Tatiana, who has no training whatsoever, killed him throwing a poisoned dagger on his shoulder. Nevermind that In book one this boy survived an also poisoned gash that ripped his torso open. Who remembers that anyway? Its not absurd at all.

Point being that if youre going to kill him, do it with dignity and give weight to it.We don’t see his funeral, we don’t see the adults finding it out, nor his parents and henry mourning, we barely see the tlh gang mourning.Jem was throughly mourned, AND HE DIDN’T EVEN DIE.Kit’s death was the literary equivalent of the Loki meme “yes very sad, anyway”  

On the topics of things we didn’t see, I’m livid that there was so much page time wasted on that senseless love triangle THAT EVERYBODY KNEW WOULD AMOUNT TO PRECIOUS NOTHING, and many important things were either told, or left open.I just wish this love triangle had never happened and Cordelia and matt had remained platonic friends. Give matthew another love interest or none at all, he and james already had enough problems to work through as it was 

 They could’ve left for france together as just friends you know. They could’ve even kissed on the basis of “why the fuck not? we are both pining and everything already went to shit anyway”, but then realized it was a mistake and let’s leave it at that.Also it came to a point where the romantic stalling of the minor couples was just too much, it felt like page filler instead of the true conflict resolution they needed to set things right and be together.I was reading all that and wondering “all right, but where’s the actual plot?” 

the explanation for the family tree was ridiculous.I would prefer some “when the city of bones fell, we lost an awful lot of data, and thats why all the documentation of the period is messed up”

The whole conflict of the clave finding out about Jesse’s identity was resolved too easily at the end

Matthew coming clean to his parents and charlotte being pregnant again was such a big and anticipated moment, and yet all we get is Cordelia telling us what james told her

Charles comes out in front of everyone and we dont see that 

Will and tessa cry thinking their kids are gonna die and we dont see that

Thomas’ come out was a bit better, but it was still telling rather than showing

dont get me started on the plot holes.Im pretty sure cc said we would see james get more powers, but all we got was the as old as time cliche of protagonists losing their powers, and that didnt make a slight of sense.They automatically lose their powers after belial “dies”, while tessa remains very much a warlock and a shapeshifter? Make it make sense. Those powers come first and foremost from Tessa, Belial dying doesnt alter the demonic blood on their veins

The cherry on the top of a long list of absurdities, to me, are the watchers. Anyone can correct me if Im wrong, but how in the world there were so many dead silent brothers and iron sisters? it doesnt add up, there should be some of them, but not enough to flood dozens of shadowhunters on their own.The nephilim only have a thousand years of existence, (magnus said more than once that he has met warlocks who had been born before the first shadowhunter was created) and those folks not only live absurdly long lives, but tend to die of natural causes.Jem lived for over a century as a silent brother and aged only two years.It doesnt add up

also am I missing something, or how matthew, thomas and alastair escaped the massive statues was completely brushed over? 

The two truths and a lie was total bullshit.It was also said that there would be political marriage, the gang would go to idris and camille and wolsey would make come backs,but none of that happened.

thats it, thats my rant that probably no one will read bc of how fucking long it is