#note Im tired and working on a lot of school stuff rn

[reel-fear]

While I won’t deny that misogyny definitely plays a role in it, I also feel like one of the reasons people tend to want to focus more on Blitzwing than on Blackarachnia in fanworks is the same reason people are so obsessed with the secret bosses in Deltarune: the overall mystery surrounding his character.

Blitzwing and Blackarachnia are both unique, one-of-a-kind models, so people are naturally going to have three questions running through their minds upon their debut: what happened to them, what led up to that point, and who they used to be beforehand.

However, despite Blitzwing making more appearances than her, there’s still so little we know about him in comparison with Blackarachnia, who basically has her entire backstory revealed to us in her first spotlight episode. Even the information we do get regarding his past raises more questions than it answers, and that information’s Schrödinger’s canon at best. Fans are naturally drawn towards mysteries, so of course they’re going to be more interested in making content exploring and trying to solve those mysteries rather than just restricting themselves to stuff they already know.

I feel like the writing team showed their cards too early with Blackarachnia and left people with much less of a mystery to play around with other than “is techno-organicness reversible” and “will she cure herself or accept herself for who she is”. I think that maybe if they had had her make more appearances and held off on revealing her backstory until much later, while maybe dropping subtle hints of her knowing Optimus and Sentinel from somewhere and having once been an Autobot, people would feel like they had much more to work with.

(Also, from what I’ve seen, most Blitzwing fans are well aware of the ableist portrayal of his character but are usually neurodivergent themselves and thus have reclaimed him in a sense, alongside portraying him in a much more accurate manner to real-life DID and OSDD in fan works while still acknowledging that he’s an alien robot whose processor is much different from a human brain and thus would logically not be a complete one-to-one regarding analogous disabilities and mental disorders.)

So, I have been admittedly sitting on this ask for while bc it's been hard to digest and fully think about the points being made here. I don't want to get defensive on an impulse so I wanted to kinda stew on it a bit and read it over and over to see how my thoughts change. But really my thoughts are the same as when I first saw it which is most of this? Really just reads as excuses for Blitzwing's popularity that distract from the real causes being sexism and fandom's bias towards conventally attractive characters.

I want to go through this point by point but the TDLR; almost everything said here is also true for other characters who are very much not as popular as Blitzwing usually bc of sexism or not being the kind of characters the fandom cares to pay attention to. Sure you could point out all the things Blitzwing has that BA doesnt and say 'those are the things that make him more popular' but that ignores all the things BA has that Blitzwing doesn't. [Motivation, a personality, complexities, story relevence, she's not a horrible potrayal of the mentally ill, narrative focus etc] That the fandom just pretends don't exist and barely awknowledge, you can't just shy away from the reality that Blitzwing massively benefits from the misogyny present in this fandom because he's ur fave and you like him. That's only being complicit in it and turning a blind eye to it. Sure you could project a lot onto a bland male character and say you like him but you should also keep in mind the female characters who are ACTUALLY complex and interesting characters you tossed to the side to focus on him. I get that you 'awknoledged' the misogny in the first bit of the ask, but when you follow that up with... That it really doesnt come accross as genuine.

Anyways I'm gonna disect this message and talk about why I simply do not buy it.

Firstly

"While I won’t deny that misogyny definitely plays a role in it, I also feel like one of the reasons people tend to want to focus more on Blitzwing than on Blackarachnia in fanworks is the same reason people are so obsessed with the secret bosses in Deltarune: the overall mystery surrounding his character.

Blitzwing and Blackarachnia are both unique, one-of-a-kind models, so people are naturally going to have three questions running through their minds upon their debut: what happened to them, what led up to that point, and who they used to be beforehand."

I'm going to be blunt, this is something SO many characters in TFA have going on. Lugnut is a great example of a character who has way more screentime than Blitzwing [remember Blitzwing disappears by S3 and is replaced by Shockwave as an evil minion but Lugnut stays] but is still almost entirely a mystery in terms of backstory motivation etc. But Lugnut is almost NEVER the center of fan content unless being made to be the butt of the joke and when he does appear hes usually just used as a tool to progress Blitzwing's character, someone to pressure him abt being in the cons, someone to be mean to him, etc.

But Lugnut is an entirely unique design with a helm look no other character has and claws that resemble the ones given to empurata bots in IDW. We don't even know why he hates the autobots so intensely but seeing how fucked up the autobots are in TFA why isn't there more theorizing about what exactly they did to make him need to see their downfall so badly? To the point where Lugnut is constantly at the feet praising someone who he doesn't even know would throw him to the side and leave him for dead the INSTANT it was convient for him.

You could say people don't explore it bc its played as a joke but so is everything about Blitzwing's character, esp his DID which is in increadibly poor taste. No, it's because Lugnut is fat and 'ugly', the fandom has no interest in him, same way they have so little interest in Bulkhead compared to other characters. He's just not hot enough to become the little sexyboy of the fandom. So he's tossed the side same way Bulkhead is. Not to mention characters like Arcee also have a ton of mystery surrounding them but they're women so...

"However, despite Blitzwing making more appearances than her, there’s still so little we know about him in comparison with Blackarachnia, who basically has her entire backstory revealed to us in her first spotlight episode. Even the information we do get regarding his past raises more questions than it answers, and that information’s Schrödinger’s canon at best. Fans are naturally drawn towards mysteries, so of course they’re going to be more interested in making content exploring and trying to solve those mysteries rather than just restricting themselves to stuff they already know.

I feel like the writing team showed their cards too early with Blackarachnia and left people with much less of a mystery to play around with other than “is techno-organicness reversible” and “will she cure herself or accept herself for who she is”. I think that maybe if they had had her make more appearances and held off on revealing her backstory until much later, while maybe dropping subtle hints of her knowing Optimus and Sentinel from somewhere and having once been an Autobot, people would feel like they had much more to work with."

Gonna be honest these paragraphs really piss me off LMAO, BA's mystery goes so much deeper than the two questions provided here such as the fact when trying to cure herself it's almost always potrayed as painful and life THREATENING! The mystery and tension of her character isn't' will she cure herself and can she?' its whether or not she will KILL HERSELF trying to cure her disability. Will she leave the cons? Will she grow to become a better person or keep spiralling down into evil? Fans are drawn to mystery sure but only when that mystery involves a sexy man, when it involved a woman character whose biggest mystery is whether or not her self loathing will kill her, its uninteresting and not worth their time, if they even bother to awknowledge it instead of just making her a scary villain/abuser for their male faves to be sad.

I also have to ask on this point too, fans tend to HEAVILY ignore any canon Blitzwing has either way, nobody awknowledges the bigotry towards organics/techno organics he displays, nor the levels of cruelty so why does canon even really matter in this discussion when as far as fanon is concerned it doesnt? It's excuses. It only matters now bc now people wanna justify the reason BA is a mean evil woman and Blitzwing is a sad puppy boy with so many complexities in fanon without facing the actual reason that is.

And while we're talking about things Blitzwing has that BA doesn't let's talk about all the things BA has that Blitzwing doesn't.

She's not a horrible potrayal of DID

She has complexities to her character beyond being an evil minon for the sake of being evil whose also 'the Crazy one'

She has narrative importance

She got told she should fucking die by one of her friends bc he hated her scarring so much.

She is shown to at least somewhat care for others when she spares Prowl and Bee despite not having gotten her part of the deal.

She has likely faced that sort of bigotry all the time and had to flee her home bc of it.

She has so much mystery behind how she joined the cons, why she joined the cons when they seem to show the same disgust to her as the autobots.

She's an interesting character.

I could go on but I'm not going to. F- on this point.

Now the last point which to me is the most BS

(Also, from what I’ve seen, most Blitzwing fans are well aware of the ableist portrayal of his character but are usually neurodivergent themselves and thus have reclaimed him in a sense, alongside portraying him in a much more accurate manner to real-life DID and OSDD in fan works while still acknowledging that he’s an alien robot whose processor is much different from a human brain and thus would logically not be a complete one-to-one regarding analogous disabilities and mental disorders.)

this is just not fucking true, 99% of content of Blitzwing I have seen either has people declaring him good rep [I have seen this several times] or is just talking about how sexy he is, its very very rare the horrible potrayal of his disability is awknowledged. Hell Blitzbee has such a deathgrip on the fandom and one of the nicknames Bee constantly uses in that content is BLITZBRAIN, literally making fun of his disability more. Not to mention how much of it is purposely making the scary disabled character scary on purpose. I'm not saying you cant enjoy or consume that content but you seriously have to be dumb to think the fandom is aware of or cares about this issue.

Also on the 'making him more accurate' I've never seen fanon do this truly and honestly. Where is the childhood truama? The awknowledgement that DID doesn't work the way Blitzwing shows it? I almost never see any fan content that wasn't just copying what TFA potrayed with him. Where are you finding this?

And lastly you can't just say youve 'Reclaimed' something and suddenly its okay, Hasbro knows how much this fandom loves TFA Blitzwing, you guys spend money on him you praise him you dont talk about how bad rep he is. If Hasbro rereleased TFA Blitzwing right now so many fans would flock to get him not even thinking about the fact THAT ENCOURAGES HASBRO TO THINK THAT THIS POTRAYAL OF THE MENTALLY ILL IS OKAY. This is just an excuse to consume content of Blitzwing uncritically to produce content of him uncritically! What about all the times DID swag polls esp ones involving good rep for them INCLUDED BLITZWING?? Did the runners of those who might not even know what TFA is say it was okay to send in a character who is clearly a mean spirited potrayal of them?? You can't just say Blitzwing is reclaimed and therefore its okay, you guys haven't even properly awknowledged all the things wrong with his character being a horrible potrayal of DID enough to get the sense to not fucking submit him into polls abt it. Let alone to produce half decent content of him.

Anyways thats it, I dont mean any of this aggression directly towards you anon, writing and posting a bad opinion on the internet does not justify harassment or hatred, but I dont feel a need to pull my punches when the fandom has been justifying this for so long, therefore. I didn't. I said what I thought of this message and if others agree then maybe I have a point.

Either way this is a discussion long Long overdue so Im putting this in the tags bc I think this fandom seriously needs a wake up call.

[cobbleztone]

I am at school with a migraine at the moment, so here is how some characters deal with them (batfam stuff first)

Bruce acts the same as when sick. It would take everyone who has ever lived or will live to stop him from going out unless he physically can't .

Dick "Drama Queen" Grayson is out for the count, if he goes out he will make it everyone else's problem.

Jason has a reputation to uphold. He will go out guns blazing still. According to him "papa ain't raise no bitch."

Tim is responsible and takes medicine, but that's the end of his responsible actions, as he still does case work

Damien is the same as Bruce, until Bruce's "dad sense" goes off, and Damien is benched for the night

Stephanie stays home and sleeps

Barbara relaxes and takes medicine

Duke uses his power to keep light out of his eyes

Cassandra is the same as Bruce but no one knows she has one

Alfred rests as the others (try and usually fail) to do work for him

NOW NON-DC CHARACTERS STARTING WITH NINJAGO BECAUSE MY COUSIN @journeytothegirlkissing GOT ME BACK INTO IT!!!

Kai is one stubborn mother fucker, he wont admit he has one but its obvious he does.

Cole takes meds and takes it easy on training

Jay is so chaotic and loud that his thoughts are loud enough to cause discomfort.

Zane is a nindroid. He doesn't get migraines (the envy i feel rn)

Nya is actually responsible and rests, drinks lots of water, and takes medicine.

Lloyd sleeps in wearing Starfarer pajamas (let him be a kid at heart i will fight anyone who doesn't. That's not a threat but a promise)

I WISH TO DO OTHER FANDOMS SO MOVING ON TO OWL HOUSE

Eda sees rest as for the weak. She takes a potion to help and powers through

King is still a child, so he sleeps all day in a dark room

Hooty doesn't get migraines, HE IS THE MIGRAINE

Luz reads to distract herself after taking medicine (or potion if available)

Amity was taught that showing weakness is bad and thus no one can tell (exept Luz with her "Girlfriend Sense) (is this one just made because i hate Odalia? I plea the Fifth)

Hunter is the same as amity (Luz and Vee can sense it because of "Sibling Sense" and Camila can with "Mom Sense") (yes i hc that Hunter was adopted by Camila, fight me)

Gus uses his breathing exercises taught to him by Willow to help

Willow just relaxes in a garden with plants and tea

Lilith is used to dealing with it because of her time under Belos (insert something hating on Belos im too tired to care at the moment)

(Note that all these people exept Lilith hit Hooty when he engages with them)

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[rose-animenz]

LevYaku 5/10/21 (Fluff)

it was a warm day out yet Lev’s face seemed cool due to the sweat from practice and pain. Yaku had worked him until not only his will broke, but his wrist did too. It was an average Sunday until Yaku had shown up at Lev’s doorstep volleyball in hand. “If you're going to avoid me on the days we do have practice, then I’ll seek you down when we don't,” he said as soon as the door swung open. Lev knew this was coming but why of all days Sunday? He just wanted to spend the day watching reruns of an old anime. He tried to slam the door but Yaku’s foot blocked its path. Lev let out a sigh and opened the door back. “Let me get ready… I don't have shoes on or anything.” the shorter boy nodded in response as Lev walked down the hallway dejectedly. A few minutes later he returned in new clothing and a pair of sneakers. With complaint, lev followed Yaku to the park nearby. After a while, Lev had gotten into a small groove and was doing less horrid than usual. He wasn't staying in one place now, and even if he didn't return them correctly, at least he got the ball up. The digs he was attempting seemed dangerous since he didn't know the proper technique and they were in a grassy area, not a gym. Just as that thought came to mind a snap was heard. At first, Yaku assumed he crushed some sticks with that giant body of his, but when Lev didn't get up, panic set in. He ran over to Lev’s hunched-over body and pushed Lev as a sign for him to show what happened. Lev rolled on his side with a look of pain on his face. He was holding his wrist tightly. Yaku pried away his fingers and looked at the injury. It was swelling a lot and bruises were forming but there weren’t any bones poking out. “C’mon! Get up we gotta tell your parents-- we need a hospital-- I don't know what to do!” Yaku took a deep breath and grabbed his phone and dialed Lev’s sister, Alisa. Everything after that seemed to go by so quickly. Driving to the hospital, going into the emergency department, getting a doctor, it all went by like seconds.

“The doctor said I can get a cast in about a week. They have to wait for the swelling to go down, until then I can’t do much of anything, including volleyball.” as Lev finished saying that he felt a twinge of guilt inside of him. If only he had let him be; if only he had spent the day practicing somewhere safe; if only he had stopped practice a few minutes short. All of the times he could have avoided this from happening, he paid no attention to them due to ignorance. His thoughts were interrupted by Lev’s voice. “Even though, Yaku, I’m glad you took me to practice today.” “Why would you be happy when something like this happened?!” “Because now you feel guilty, and that means you care enough about me to feel that way.” Yaku looked at him with confused eyes. “You sure have a weird sense of optimism,” Yaku replied eventually with a slight smile. Over the next week, Yaku looked over him outside of school. during school, it's difficult to mingle with other years so Yaku left that to his classmates. Anytime Yaku had practice Lev would send a message to share with the team. Eventually, Lev’s swelling went down and they cast his wrist. Yaku was still around to help Lev when he really needed but now it was easier for Lev to be more independent. Yaku would describe Lev as a lucky brat blessed with height and agility, but over the next month, his description changed. He’s still a brat who got good genes, but he was a pretty nice brat at times. Little things like saying thank you, and saying he enjoyed Yaku’s company made him think this. After 7 weeks, Lev’s cast was taken off and he was cleared to come back to practice. This made Yaku happier than he would like to admit. Lev was somehow worse than before he started, but rather than threatening and ridiculing him, Yaku was patient and gave him tips every rally. He couldn't get mad, how was he supposed to practice during those 2 months? Practice ended early due to the basketball club needing to borrow the gym desperately. Lev volunteered to stay behind to practice more, which surprised Yaku. “Don't worry! Leave the key with me and I’ll lock up the locker room and stuff when I’m heading out.” Kuroo handed over the key with a mild amount of hesitation. “Oh and uh, Yaku, is it okay if you stay behind to help me? I mean you don't have to just if you aren't doing anything.” Yaku nodded and unpacked another water bottle for the practice ahead. The other boys continued out of the locker room and Lev led Yaku out to a flattened area near the gym to practice receives. They started rallying and after a while, Yaku broke the silence. “Y’know, you usually would never volunteer to practice more, matter of fact you would escape as soon as Kuroo gave the word.” Lev chuckled in response. “What made you want to practice more?” “Well I had a little incident that caused me to be a little more motivated,” he responded quietly. They continued practicing in silence. The water bottle Yaku unpacked ended up being drunk by Lev because he was way more tired than Yaku. After Lev chugged the water Yaku decided to stop their extra practice. They head back to the locker room to pack their things and clean a bit. As Yaku put his track jacket on he heard Lev clear his throat. He turned and looked at Lev to see him standing straight with his arms to his side. “Yaku I have something I need to show you.” “Uh, okay, why are you getting so serious?” a moment passed and Yaku turned back around to zip his bag. To his upper left, a hand slammed against the lockers. He jumped and turned around to see lev looking down at him with panic in his eyes. Lev moved closer as Yaku dropped his bag and stepped back. Yaku’s back was against the lockers. He was confused and scared, was Lev mad at him? Lev leaned down to his ear and said in a low voice, “Yaku, I think I’ve fallen for you.” as he said this everything overwhelmed Yaku at once. He thought back to all the time Lev said he enjoyed him just being with him. He thought back to how Lev reacted when their knees touched on the couch accidentally. He thought back to what he would do and why. He helped Lev. Always. Whether it was practice, grades, and even his broken wrist. He was always making Lev his priority. With this in mind, he came to a conclusion. “Please respond, I don't care if you reject me, or even if you avoid me, as long as you know this is how I really feel..” Lev said after a moment. Yaku pushed him back. “You idiot! You're so dumb!-” Yaku looked up at him “-What kind of idiot are you to think that I don't feel the same! I stayed… I stayed with you all along. I was always there with you when things got hard and you needed help.” Tears slipped from Yaku’s eyes as he looked down at the ground. “Of course I like you too…” Lev reached down and rested his palms on Yaku’s cheeks. He lifted his head, letting more tears spill down. Lev leaned in and kissed away his tears. The salty liquid stung Lev’s lips yet he kept kissing them as they fell down. That day Lev made an oath that any pain caused by him to the one he loved, should be showered with love until it goes away. No matter how long it takes

1,360 words / 7,147 characters

Notes

idk why but to me this seems really bad, it might just be for rn and when i wake up tomorrow it’ll suddenly be good again, however im open to criticism and such so ye

[bobbyshawsupremacy]

Hello! Asking about your Ocs!

I FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS LAST NIGHT BECAUSE IM AN I D I O T BUT YES THANK YOU SO MUCH

you’re all going to hate me i’m sorry but i love my ocs so very much,,,,,,, please don’t cancel me until you’re done reading

ok so!!

tw for mentions of drugs and alcohol in the following!! also HIV

people develop alex and reggie and luke’s families all the time!! but never bobby!! and that is simply unacceptable because as we all know- i am a bobby stan account. so let me tell you some things about The Wilsons.

milah wilson is bobby’s mom. she’s kinda terrible at it? she didn’t mean to be- she had a rough childhood, got into weed, got into some harder stuff, spiraled from there. she got pregnant at 16 and... well, nothing really changed. she loves her son, she really does, but she loves him as him, not as her child. they’re not really family. they’re just two people that know each other.

(HIV mention is here) stavros wilson was bobby’s dad. he wasn’t that bad. he was kind of dumb and kind of emotionally stunted (aren’t we all), but he cared about his family. he just- i mean, he cared about the drugs more. he didn’t mean to. that’s just what happens. he got the disease off needles and he was gone. it happened when bobby was ten. they moved to l.a. from santa monica that year.

zach wilson is bobby’s uncle i don’t like him

ella wilson is bobby’s aunt, she’s pretty cool. she’s not really into the harder stuff like most of them. she just drinks a lot. smokes weed, but so does bobby, so he can’t really fault her for that.

jimia wilson is bobby’s other aunt. she- yes. she. everyone calls her jim. she’s a wreck, because it runs in the family, but she’s a wreck that takes the time to hang out with her nephew and is genuinely trying to find a way to get better. she’s trying so hard......... i love jim, ok?

now for!!!! his cousins (:<

his oldest cousin is zach’s son, patrick, who’s two years older than him. he and bobby are incredibly close, and pretty much consider each other brothers. patrick is the kind of guy that likes to go swimming with his shoes on- i am aware that this doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s the most concise description of him that i can think of.

kristen is zach’s daughter from his first marriage, which... didn’t work out, lmao. (nothing really works out with zach. also i don’t like him) she isn’t a big fan of uhh most things tbh? she’s just really tired, which. mood. she’s the ONLY person in the house that knows how to cook this is not a joke. she grows weed in the backyard send tweet

molly!! molly!! molly molly molly!! i love her SO much it’s crazy. molly wilson literally owns my heart and i DON’T know why. she’s bobby’s best friend!! they are each other’s main support system and she would do anything for him- except quit drugs but like. yeah. she’s a year younger than him. (tw for nsfw implications) the funniest thing i’ve ever said abt molly is that sometimes if she has a crush on someone she’ll say “wanna do me?” and if they say yes then well.. yes and if they say know she’ll just pull out some ecstasy (i.e. molly) and be like “no it was a pun haha”  anyway i think about molly wilson every single day. she’s exactly 5′2″ and she cries about it

ollie is molly’s brother and yes they were named like that on purpose...................... jim rlly thought she was doing smth there..................... anyway he’s baby. i mean, he does meth, but he’s baby. he’s very hyper. think of like. a rabbit and also john mulaney? that’s ollie. he’s kind of dumb but we stan. also he eats raw onion

those are!!! the wilsons!!! i love them with my whole heart (except zach i don’t like him). they all live together and it is........ utter chaos. literally a wreck. every single one of them is a disaster in their own unique way (:

additional notes:

-bobby, kristen, and ollie are the only kids still in school. patrick got expelled bc he’s a moron and got caught with lsd and molly dropped out because she was Tired Of It

-the boys all share a room. it is the basement. everyone is scared of the basement

-kristen is the only one that can cook but she rarely does because uhhh she doesn’t want to? next question

-they have so many wilson inside jokes. idk why this is just a Thing they do. they’re all very sarcastic and strange bc their sense of humour is a family trait

-i know nobody shares these headcanons please just don’t hate me for them

ok thank you for your time ((: i also have non wilson ocs!!! i am just very Tired rn so i might make a separate post about them if anyone is interested

[shiro-0197]

aw shiro, my love, don't worry about it!! i only hope you're okay and safe :d please only reply when you're free, and don't feel bad about it!! >:(

my day yesterday was okay, i've just been relaxing, and studying occasionally. went out to explore a nearby town too, it's so pretty there. and much colder (since it's a highlands) of course!! Today was great too. I bought doughnuts (they're amazing?? I love doughnuts), and I had instant ramen, but it was SO spicy I nearly died. (Three bottles of water later, because someone finished all the milk in the household *cough* me *cough*) and I'm still just reeling. Sucks having such low spice tolerance HAHA. I'm listening to some old school hip-hop rn, while typing this out :D how were your two days?

here are some i'll be using to teach english :d and that would honestly be much appreciated, he's getting on my last nerve rn. (I included the first few, what do you think?)

thats such a priceless feeling i so totally agree. you're so precious 🥺🥺 i'm sure they're prouder thank you imagine. you're so dedicated!! i'm sure all that extra research you've done will definitely pay off. it's good that you know what the job is roughly like, so you'll be really prepared when you finally do start it. you know that one scene, in the 2nd season of the great pretender? when the chinese mafia boss emphasizes the importance of a translator in literally everything? (like that book award example) i may be getting the thing muddled up, but i found that so cool. like yeah, a book or speech could be absolutely beautiful, but if everyone can't enjoy it due to it being a different language, it would be such a shame. i just find translators really important. sorry, i'm really dorky haha 🥺🥺

awww but i think your personality type is wonderful. a lot of my favourite characters are intj (they're all so precious istg grrrr) yes!! i was in a tooru brainrot yesterday too 😭😭😭 (saw a bunch of couples on my walk, and I was like "if only Tooru was real grrrr") and yes?? there'd be so much to learn from each and every one of them. dedication from hinata, savage lines from tsukki, kindness from yams/yachi, how to be a dork 101 from atsumu. aaaah 😭😭i'm sorry they're all so wonderful.

No pftttt I totally feel you. I saw some people without masks today and I was like "bro wtf" and just really loudly said "I sure hope everyone starts following the rules so the cases don't increase" because I'm a lil bitch like that xD

awww okay!! I'll definitely keep that in mind. Mayo makes everything better, tbh >.< aww that's understandable! I don't have specific preferences but hearing the phrase "soggy cheese" makes me want to cry somewhere :( I don't like nuts in chocolate. I'm very passionate about that? XD ikr??

I'm surprised too, I usually never pass on murder, but I guess you're just special like that 👉👈 sir I'd get married to you as many times as you'd like 😼 oops sorry for being cheesy, but—you like cheese ;)

U

I won't ask why, don't worry. Since I kinda feel the same about Malaysia tbh. It's a love hate relationship, I think HAHA but yeah 😣😣 i don't look up to US at all, and it sucks because people generally do. And I'm just like ;-; why (no offense to Americans tho lol)

is that even legal omg they're so chaotic?? XD how cute tho. Angel does stuff like that all the time too, but I'd never know that when I first met her (she has the most perfect exterior, and then when you get to know her; she's the biggest dork) Schools opening on the 20th, I can't wait to see her then :] (I can, however, wait for the exams which are scheduled for the 25th ugh)

peanut butter is indeed yellow, not up for discussion hehe :) here's my favourite hues!! I love gentle, soft hues like these (pastels) , for yellow; I don't have a favourite. they're all wonderful

ahhh no that's so precious of you!! :)) I'm smiling rn.

yeah skdhskdjsk I'M JUST SO GRRR. Whenever someone goes "hey Ari can you ______" and we both respond?? The tension?? In the air?? Bro skdjskks. 😔🤚 You share a name with one of the most precious characters too tho!!;

This is Shiro from Voltron hehe. I love him so much, just like I love you (tho I'm sure we both know I love you more <3)

I share a name with a book character. His name is Aristotle Mendoza, but his crush-turned-boyfriend calls him "Ari" (which has been my nickname since I was 12). Reading it for the first time was the BEST feeling ever. It's also my favourite book, "Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe".

—Ari :D (no pfttt I love the tag so much. I have my own tag, that's like the best thing ever 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

Heyyy I'm so sorry for answering so late!! I know you said not to apologize but..... well hmm no excuse I just feel like apologizing, but either way thank you for your patience!!♡ This is the third time I'm rewriting this, and this time I'm doing this in my notes because fuck it😔

Im glad to hear that!! Highlands are always so pretty. Wish we had those here, but it's only steppe here:( Boring~ ooh, donuts!!! They're really good. I havent much, but I tried them like 3 times and they're so good. I really hope I will get to eat more<3 also WHAT'S THOSE NOODLES' NAME I WANNA KNOW- Are you feeling okay now, though? XD

My days were nice!!! Felt as if I had been hiding three bodies, but I've been feeling better lately. We had online school yesterday so I'm excused from the errands for the half of the day, thankfully. But your messages make me very happy. Though I dont always feel like writing a response (or I get stressed because it doenst save) so very sorry for that😔

Ohh those look so pretty!! I'd totally join to just look at them. The colors are so nice🥺 it looks like one of our olympiad prep slides, though better. I dont have the screenshots sadly😩 Either way I really love the little details like the squiggly thingies or the Ж .... they seem unnecessary but the energy changes a lot without them hehe

I really hope they will be🥺 that'd mean a lot to me. And I'm also really hopeful itll work out. I really don't wanna disappoint my family, which is literally just one person. The less people there are, the more it hurts, you know?

Yeah, that scene meant so much to me!! I dknt remember much, but I was very happy they said something like that, because I've been told being a translator wont work out for me. Now look at me, I'm about to tell them to fuck themselves<3 I was also so surprised to see Laurent know that many languages ..... I aspire to be like him😩 And honestly, I havent though so deep of that but you opened my eyes and now I'm about to float off into the next universe😭 dont apologize though, its very cute!!!♥︎♥︎

Heheh, I guess you're right.. every single anime INTJ is a silent sexy mastermind and I love them . ... YEAH every single time I see a passing couple i cry because I dont have anyone 😡💔 and sometimes when I see people doing something amusing (which includes people failing cuz I'm evil) I just imagine one of the characters doing that and I smile all the way xD Honestly, I'd sell my father on black market for a single day with one of them:( though that may sound like a really low price because his cigarette filled lungs wouldnt cost a lot... I sound like my 7th grade self again I'm so sorry

BAHQHHANEJWJD I HOPE THEY WERE EMBARRASED. I HOPE THEY FELT AWKWARD AND OTHER PEOPLE DID TOO, they deserve it. Like, learn your lesson bitch, it's been a year!

Yeah!!! I love mayo, not to the point where I would gulp it down from the package, but it does make dishes taste good. Same, soggy cheese on itself sounds like a dish served in the ninth circle of hell. You should try nuts in honey!! Like, just straight up dip them in honey. Sounds weird, and it doesnt always taste NEJFJKSKF (depends on the honey)but I think it's worth trying xD Walnuts are the best with honey I think

That was so funny ... TOO FUNNY, I LAUGHED FOR LIKE . 3MINUTES STRAIGHT and I do not laugh when I'm tired. You really are special 😭😭😭😭 cheesy ... HAHRNFJJSF

I'm so sorry for being a bully like that but it's so funny how you left a single U there . Its so mysterious, was it in purpose? Or were you lost in the excitement if messaging me?

I was one of those people, honestly 😭 but mostly because I wasnt aware of its political condition, I guess. Maybe theres more than just politics that's bad about US, but honestly, it has more opportunities than this hellfire. Though now I'm more into Norway and Japan. Really wanna travel there :(

Heheh, yeah, we never really show off to strangers at first. I dont know what exactly I mean by we, but you get my point ♡ Good luck though!! I hope it goes well for you<3

Oh they looks so pretty!! They're really wonderful. Like bubblegum and cotton candy and literally anything sweet... it's so cute !!! And I totally agree, there isnt a bad yellow.

HAHAH, honestly, that reminds me of how there were 4 people with the same name in my class, and whenever the teacher did the attendance thing, they would all stand up. Teachers usually dont say the last names, so we always gotta ask which person they mean if theres more than one person with that name, so yeah.. That happened on accident at first, but then they just did it for trolling xD

OH MY GOD HES SO PRETTY? HES SO PRECIOUS?? HUHHH??? I gotta thank Kuro for this wonderful opportunity of sharing a name with someone like .... him🥺

Oh that's so cool!! Also, he has a boyfriend ... I really need to start reading xD it's so cute though! It sounds like such a good book, I'm glad you share a name with him, hehe!!

I also share my real name with one of the characters in a kids' show, and its SO ugly, I'm in pain. Every time my friends see one of those on TV they go

Which is a pain in the ass, it's so embarrassing...........

Awh, okay!! I'm glad you love it, cuz I do too. Because it's your name.... cuz I love u. That was so lame PLEASEJWJDJSJF I HOPE YOUR DAY WAS GREAT !!! LOVE YOU

[ofinkdried]

INTRO: MUN // TASK #001

hey all!! i’m slowly working on bios and pages and such but I wanted to introduce myself first -- so here’s what’s technically was the first task?? im using it as the template for my intro so HERE WE GO!!

PERSONAL INTRO

name  /  alias : victoria / tor gender  /  pronouns : cisfemale / she/her where  ya  from  ? : texas!! the  current  time :  4:29 pm height :  5′4 job  or  major :  unemployed at the moment, but I have a degree in health science/health administration & a national certification in phlebotomy pet  (  s  ) :  one doxie/beagle mix named Roxie favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  my ability to remember song lyrics better than my own name any  special  talents  ? :  uhhhh I can play 4 ( 5? ) instruments why  you  joined  hqclouds :  FUNNY STORY care was talking to me about some Tea ( we’re in another rp together ) and she made a comment about running an rp and im a bit of a sleuth and found hqclouds and decided to join  meaning  behind  url :  it’s ‘ of clementines ’ because one of my favorite halsey songs is clementine and i’ve been on a halsey kick as of late  last  thing  you  googled :  ‘ fools troye sivan ’ because I wanted to send my friend the music video birthday  /  zodiac :  october 29th / scorpio in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? : some days myers  -  briggs :  I took it forever ago and don’t remember... ^^’ moral  alignment :  chaotic good hogwarts  house : ravenclaw!! three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  oh gosh.... katherine from newsies ( dedicated, doesn’t take a man’s shit), emma from the prom (nervous gay who plays guitar), and flynn rider from tangled (jokester, very in love with our girlfriends) i  started  roleplaying : 2012 I think? types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  definitely literate ones favorite  fcs  to  use :  I try to not reuse fcs a lot?? like I have some I prefer for certain characters, but I don’t have a strong draw to certain faces... fandom  (  s  )  you’d  like  to  write  in : musicals ( namely newsies ), fairy tail, the raven cycle fandom  (  s  )  you  aren’t  in  but  are  curious  about :  uhhhh I dont really know... share  a  funny  roleplay  horror  story :  oh gosh I dealt with one girl who like... constantly gaslit me as a player and my characters, would make me feel bad for not responding immediately, made everything about her characters, and then got mad when I called her out on it? and now she goes to a christian school and says that rp is ‘ the devil’s work ’ and I just... yeah. fondest  roleplay  memory :  I feel like the moment my now girlfriend and I realized we always do ships bc just had awesome chemistry and then started dating like, 4 months later. favorite  canon  muse  (  s  )  to  play : connor murphy ( deh ), gansey ( trc ), spot conlon ( newsies ), jimmy ( bandstand ), lucy heartfillia ( fairy tail ) favorite  original  muse  (  s  )  to  play : theo massard ( a boxer, jack barakat fc; had an AMAZING ship for him )  canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  CATRADORA. none of my other ships are technically canon : / trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : tragic backstories, tough on the outside soft on the inside i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  I wanna say fluff but I know care and megan will call me out bc I love angst more than anything long  or  short  replies :  mid-length pre  plotting  or  chemistry : chemistry leading to pre plotting! sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : both? I love discussing headcanons single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  multi!! gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : typically gif icons, but lately ive been loving medium gifs grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it : ok so I have no books atm bc im moving, but the first book on my phone is the dream thieves, and the line I see first is “ The Gray Man considered what it must’ve been like to live like that, always waiting for your door to be kicked in. ” what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul  ? : oh gosh, so many... “ I'm a walking travesty/But I'm smiling at everything ” ( therapy, all time low ), “ I imagine the tears in your eyes/The very first night I'll sleep without you ” ( roman holiday, halsey ), “ Am I the product of a problem that I couldn't change?/Got his eyes, got her hair/So do I get their mistakes? ” ( secondhand smoke, kelsea ballerini ) top  current  celebrity  crushes :  halsey, froy guiterrez, harry styles ( always ) last  movie  you  watched :  I think it was uhhhhhh miss americana on netflix? did  you  like  it  ? :  YES I loved it favorite  movie  (  s  )    of  all  time : 10 things I hate about you, newsies ( ’92 ) favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time : she-ra, queer eye, fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, gossip girl favorite  tv  show  that  hasn’t  ended : zoey’s extraordinary playlist favorite  series  of  books  /  novels  /  comics : the raven cycle, all for the game, the last song sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : dallas cowboys, houston astros ( yeah I know about the scandal and I hate it, but they’re my team ), FAU owls ( my alma mater ) favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : breath of the wild, KH series favorite  youtube  channels : unus annus, daniel howell ( rip he hasn’t posted in a year ), the try guys, NPR Music, CrankGameplays ( ethans just a dork I dont even like gamer videos that much ) hobbies :  guitar, singing, being in zoom musicals ( im playing whatsername from american idiot for one in July and auditioned for a few others! ), reading what  are  the  three  non  essential  things  you’d  bring  to  a  deserted  island  ? : my guitar, my laptop, wifi put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? : HOLD ME TIGHT OR DONT, fall out boy; I’m Still Here, John Rzeznik; Towers, Little Mix; Way Down Hadestown, hadestown obc; Stitches, state champs (cover); Look Back, betty who personal  aesthetic : nerdy punk?  dream  vacation  ? : disneyland paris or disneyland Singapore with my gf dream  job  ? :  music teacher dream  car  ? :  one that works at this point if  i  could  live  anywhere  ,  it’d  be : austin, texas ( im about an hour away rn ) favorite  musical : OH GOSH..... the prom, bandstand, newsies, hadestown favorite  food  (  s  ) :  blueberry pancakes, red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing coffee  order :  at starbucks? venti iced chai tea latte. at dunkin? large iced vanilla coffee. at home? french vanilla coffee and caramel macchiato creamer and 2 scoops of sugar.  unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  netflix: sex education, the umbrella academy, end of the f***ing world, the people vs. oj simpson. hulu: portrait of a lady on fire, my friend dahmer, rocketman what’s  a  subject  you  know  too  much  about  +  never  get  tired  of  talking  about  ? : I dunno? I have a ton of useless facts on a wide range of subjects. like did you know that in 100 letters, halsey says ‘ You wrote 100 letters just for me/And I find them in my closet in the pockets of my jeans/Now I'm constantly reminded of the time I was 19/Every single one's forgotten in a laundromat machine ’ and that’s actually autobiographical -- her bf at the time wrote a note and put it in a pocket of every pair of pants she owned, and she was still finding them months after the relationship ended, so she took all her pants to a laundromat and washed them so she wouldn’t have to see the letters anymore!!

[gender-trash]

@somni-omni tagged me in the quarantine game!

ARE YOU STAYING HOME FROM WORK OR SCHOOL?

yep!  avid readers will recall that i got kicked out of the dorms so i had to move into my new apartment Much Earlier Than Anticipated, and also got sick, so “staying home” was a somewhat elaborate process.  but im Here Now and i am Staying Here

IF YOU’RE STAYING HOME, WHO IS THERE WITH YOU?

my roommates & best pals @augmentedvarangian and @eleperson.  together we have reached new depths of private incomprehensible meme language; when we are released from quarantine none of us will be able to speak english anymore.  50% of my utterances are variously modulated uwus already

ARE YOU A HOMEBODY?

yeah, im not real big on going to places.  it’s tiring and none of my stuff is there

that said if im inside for more than like 2-3 days without taking a walk i start to feel kinda wonky

AN EVENT THAT YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT GOT CANCELLED?

i was supposed to graduate this spring!  and like, commencement sounds kinda bad (sit in a hot courtyard for four hours while a guy recites the names of people who you mostly don’t know?  parents like it for some reason?) but i WAS looking forward to senior ball.  @augmentedvarangian and i went to a formal dance in freshman year in wrongly gendered outfits and it was bad, so we were gonna get a cool suit (me) and a fancy dress (her) and go to senior ball for like... symmetry

i have the suit now but i don’t fucking know what i’m ever going to wear it to

WHAT MOVIES HAVE YOU WATCHED RECENTLY?

we rewatched megamind and captain america: the winter soldier for the benefit of @eleperson who somehow hadn’t seen them.  also the Cats movie.  (WERE THE COCKROACHES REALLY NECESSARY??)

WHAT SHOWS ARE YOU WATCHING?

with the roommates: recently finished steven universe future.  rewatched the first couple episodes of gentleman jack, a few episodes of leverage, and like one episode of eizouken with them as well.  we had plans to watch rwby together but i’ve already seen rwby and there’s a lot of it, and i’m a bit tired of rewatching things, so idk if that’ll happen.  

i’m partway through watching eizouken by myself but i don’t know when i’ll pick that back up.  before we were all kicked off campus i was also watching fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood with a different friend of mine; hopefully at some point we’ll continue doing that remotely.  

i’m not sure if this counts as a show but i religiously watch the weekly build videos from wintergatan on youtube

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

in the past couple days i’ve been vibing with: natalie macmaster, the death note soundtrack, spotify’s “indie classical music” playlist, lindsey stirling, a jazz playlist i made.  i Don’t want to listen to anything with lyrics right now for some reason, and i’m trying to keep things upbeat so i can pretend i have energy

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

mostly fanfiction.  the other day i was like “wah i want to read something other than fic” so i bought gideon the ninth (ebook) and read it in one sitting.  my tbr shelf stares out at me balefully from the bookshelf i finally managed to assemble and unpack my books onto

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR SELF CARE?

i don’t know if this is “self care” so much as “procrastination” but: cross-stitch, knitting, making cookies.  i also try to go for walks on a regular basis, and disallow myself from “doing work” (mostly during the day i don’t get much done either, but i feel worse about it) in the evenings.  the concept of “meals” is becoming increasingly foreign to me but im trying to make sure i at least eat something other than rice and snacks occasionally

also, unpacking and organizing and assembling furniture and cleaning all the boxes out of my room.  at some point i dream of actually hanging curtains but my curtain rod situation is SO stupid rn so i just try to make sure i’m not standing directly in front of the window with my titties out

tagging: so like, when people say “consider yourself tagged if you want!” i always go “i want to do the thing but have i REALLY been tagged... can i put ‘tagged by person’ in the top of the post... no, no, i shan’t, i shall just sit here in despair until i am tagged for real...”  but if you haven’t done this and you want to, do it!  say i tagged you!  go for it!

[its-jijii]

dazai analysis (w/ screenshots)

so i’ve been working on analyzing several things in the bsd series, mostly manga, and my current focus is analyzing dazai

it is a big work in progress as of now. it’s on google slides (i originally planned google docs or just a tumblr post) and i think it has like 25 slides rn. but yeah if u wanna read a bunch about dazai being garbage i am now releasing the link on tumblr 

as of now everything written falls within what’s happened in the anime, but it is going to grow to eventually have a lot of manga spoilers!!

read here

if u don’t think that u could handle reading criticism of him w/o getting mad i don’t recommend reading 😔 also im aware this is all fiction but hey hating on dazai gives me motivation and something to do so

you are free to comment on stuff w/ ur opinions!! im always looking for more perspectives on dazai and other misc ideas

some extra notes: i hate dazai as a person. i love him as a character, and he’s in my top favorites. i harbor no ill feelings towards people who love dazai or think he’s the best. i just made this bc i’ve noticed that there is a notable amount of people who ignore his flaws or excuse his actions and it makes me sad :( idc if u love dazai but pls admit that he’s not a good person (even if he is sorta trying to be)

after i finish rereading and writing about the entire ass manga, i will write something positive abt him i promise. but for now it’s “analysis” that could look like slandering

thank u if u read all of this or looked at the slides. i know there are some with just blocks of text and it can be tiring to look at, but i appreciate any amount u read, even if its only a few slides!!

im sorry if anything is confusing or unclear, please let me know if u don’t understand something so i can try to clarify and make edits! (also shoot me a message or comment if something looks weird im trying my best to make stuff look organized but sometimes its hard) 

and lastly, right now, i update it rather irregularly. i usually work on it when i have nothing to do at home or during my free period at school, but the end of the quarter is approaching and i have my hands full of art projects and other stuff. ill probably eventually reblog it if i make any significant process in the months to come

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

ive been struggling to be more open about my life over here... beyond the sporadic gifsets of things im watching i cant really say ive shared much. but like, i cant keep on avoiding the mortifying ordeal of being known forever (also so much is going through my head all the time and i dont got anyone irl to vent so i gotta do it somewhere, even if it’s 2 the void) so here’s some life updates:

ive got a bunch of unfinished art i owe ppl so that’s what i’ve been trying to get through this past month....

...without much success, usually i come home so tired from school + work i cant be bothered to draw. this is the main thing im working hard about fixing rn. i have doodled more and have done some studies (haven’t posted them tho because i don’t feel great about them ugh)

one thing i’ve decided to try to see if it helps is regular exercise (in the form of solo capoeira training and trail running) + biphasic sleep schedule. in theory both of these things will give me the energy needed to draw... 

after / meanwhile tho, the fancomic project that ive been cooking for about a year-ish is still, at least, slowly progressing... i haven't posted anything about it (tho i have talked to some ppl about it privately ) but i might have to bc i know it’s only a matter of time before someone else does this idea, and i will be v pissed if that happens after i have spent so much creative energy on it lol

im currently on a research + outlining step of said project... these are   the books i’m plowing through, to give you a little idea of the (ridiculously bitting-more-than-she-can-chew) scope of the story sklajdksad)

national/regional/international politics are exhausting and draining as always (more than usual?) and tbh im sort of... actively tuning out of them atm. im trying to focus on “the big picture” so that means less time and mental energy for keeping track of whatever new apocalyptic headline crops up on the news. literally all my time reading, reflecting and studying is going toward collapse(tm) related literature and focused more on deep global issues and it is quite a lot of stuff to study, reflect and read,

(am i using all that as an excuse to not deal w/ the immediate surrounding? that might be part of it, perhaps... this is the only workable solution i have found that doesn’t involve weekly emotional breakdowns tho)

on that note, ive been using the ashes ashes podcast as a guideline for those studies. it’s great stuff and i highly recommend. the guys in charge of it are really nice, and the scope+breath of their research is impeccable. i’ve been telling everyone i meet about it bc it really has been a game-changer of a resouerce.

have felt very depressed at times for various reasons. some new, some not so new... not much to say in that area. v loneliness. much sad. whatevs

university and work were kicking my ass a couple weeks ago, but im getting them under control now (...i think). im getting a kind of ~synergy going too where im using knowledge learned in one place and applying it somewhere else

(like im learning sketchup for design class, but im hoping to later use it for making assets for the graphic designs at work. and the visual + communications stuff i have had to research for work is helping with both uni and my personal projects...)

arrowverse rewatch however is kicking my ass. and im only rlly watching supergirl + flash + batwoman ! but god. it’s literally.... endless... episodes.... if i have to hear another character say “no more secrets!” again im gonna flip

 my enthusiasm for crisis and stuff is making me soldier on tho. (as is my hyperfixation w/ supercorp that has even managed to lure a fellow nerd coworker into it lmao)

while on the topic of tv: i *am* keeping up with the last season of the good place... i haven’t felt the need to talk much about it tho bc i mostly just discuss it with one of my cousins (who is also watching ) and we got our own like little after-show routine where we discuss theories and stuff :)

im watching hdm when it repeats on hbo latam. it’s nice to watch on hd for once rather than crummy 120p streaming sites...

havent sat down to watch 7 worlds 1 planet fully yet but i did watch the first 10 minutes of ep 1: antarctic and predictably cried

[hyunbaes]

it’s you • lkl

summary: is there still a spark to light a fire that died out a while ago?

requested: no

genre: an inch of life, fluff

happy birthday to wanna one’s maknae lai kuanlin!! i love you and your cute self so much, thank you for working so hard and loving wannables so much! ✨

-

• lai kuanlin, everyone loved him. everyone.

• you never understood what was so great about him; yeah he was the basketball teams captain. and?

• he was the poster child of the school, no matter how much it could’ve been anyone else

• it was him

• maybe you despised him because he didn’t have to try so hard (or so you’re lead to believe)

• you just never saw why everyone adored him; even your best friend jihoon was good friends with him

• it made your blood boil at how angry he made you

• kuanlin was actually your friend in middle school

• until he joined the stupid basketball team in the eighth grade

• then he stopped hanging out with you

• then he began to tease you for every little thing you could list

• but he mainly teased you about your height and how its a disadvantage and blah blah blah this and blah blah blah that

• kuanlin’s reasoning was actually absurd

• he’d snark rude remarks at you, anything to make you argue with him

• he actually enjoyed this a lot

• you thought he’d grow up at some point (not physically he’s literally a BUILDING RN)

• but he never changed, even now in junior year

• and that’s what made you upset with him the most, how he just forgot about you and all your memories together

• you hated him so much, you would never forgive him

• or so you tell yourself

• but even now to this day, you still miss his antics. your trips to get ice cream when school got out, the way hed pat your head cause he wanted to show his affection

• you missed him even if you didn’t want to believe it

• you are snapped out of your thoughts when you hear someone calling your name

• you look up to see jihoon, your best friend

• hey y/n, are you okay? you kinda spaced out for a bit.

• oh? I did? i couldn’t even tell all that much too be honest

• are you still thinking about .. kuanlin?

• i wish i could tell you no, but he’s been all ive been thinking about since tomorrow is his birthday.

• can’t you talk to him?

• it’s not as easy as it was 3 years ago

• you looked to the ground in defeat, knowing you’d never fix your friendship with kuanlin

• you heard a commotion and turned to see kuanlin and his 'fans' (as you called them) entering the halls

• there was a space for him to walk through without getting bothered, as if he was god

• he would stop in front of you and walk over to you

• hey y/n, do you miss me? you must miss me. i bet you’re probably bored of jihoon now? kuanlin would snark at you, enjoying your anger more than you are

• hes been there for me more than you have in the past 4 years. how would i get bored of him? and kuanlin, I don’t miss you. you said while slamming your locker, dragging jihoon with you

• you ended up at your spot in the gym, your anger going through the roof

• leaning on jihoons shoulder you asked what did I ever do to him? he thinks he’s hot stuff just because he’s the captain, just because everyone loves him. if he only knew they only like him for his image.. if he knew that im one of the only people who likes him for much more than the image he has..

• jihoon rubbed your back while shushing your silent sobs, scared someone would hear you

• someone did hear you, it was mr. captain himself

• he didn’t mean to but his basketball class is next so he gets there extra early to get ready

• kuanlin saw the doors open which was odd but he immediately stopped when he heard sniffling

• he hid under the bleachers to hear your voice... he never admitted to himself but he missed your voice

• he missed being able to be the reason why you were always happy, always having someone to rely on

• kuanlin heard what you said about him and immediately his heart stopped and his mind threw about 100+ thoughts at him

• he wanted to pat your head when you were being cute, he wanted you to be proud of him, he wanted you back to tell him right and wrong

the next day.. kuanlins birthday

• would it be stupid to not go to school because it’s his birthday? yes. is that what you’re about to do? yes.

• actually no, jihoon didn’t let you stay home sigH

• when you both got to school, you saw a single rose attached to your locker with a note

• the rose was yellow, which was your favorite color, and the note said “I always thought you were the better person between us two, see you at the game? x e.l.”

• e.l.? hm

• you showed jihoon the card and he immediately said that you two must go to the game now (despite your wishes)

• it couldn’t have been that bad, right?

later in the day, right when the game starts

• you weren’t a fan on school related activities but jihoon was all for them

• you were so against it because of kuanlin, which was the reason you enjoyed them in the first place

• the irony.. your happiness turned out to be your weakness

• you saw kuanlin and his team making their way out .., kuanlin still looked cool and cute hyping his team up but you remembered that he wasn’t who you were here for

• kuanlin saw you in the stands and he waved at you while smiling

• your brain couldn’t process the situation so you pretended to not see him (jihoon would most definitely make you apologize to kuanlin for acting like that)

• it’s hard to look at him without having your heart acting like it’s running a 5k

• the game began and your school’s team was already doing so well

• you began to wonder if kuanlin was a good leader to them, it seemed like that was the case, seemingly getting a victory almost every game, never seeing any drama; they reflected who kuanlin was, his laidback but caring self

• you smiled remembering when you first met him

• shy as ever, but still so energetic; man did you miss him

• your thoughts were interrupted by a loud buzzer and a bunch of people surrounding someone

• you find out kuanlin has injured himself, most likely spraining or breaking something

• the last bit of common sense in you tells you to stay put but you can’t

• you run to see if he is okay, offering to take him to the infirmary

• on your walk there, the silence becomes rather uncomfortable

• y/n, why did you offer to take me?

• well you were hurt, and i really couldn’t watch you just be hurt and me not do anything about it.

• he smiled a soft smile

• you did as well

• it was comforting talking to him and knowing you could make him do something other than tease you

• this is bad timing but y/n? i really miss you, i miss the presence of you around me. & I heard what you told jihoon about how much i hurt you, I guess i never took that into consideration. im really sorry for everything, leaving you behind when you needed me the most

• you stopped in your tracks opon hearing those words from him

• kuanlin? I got a rose from someone named e.l. was all you could say

• he smiled before speaking, I know you did because I’m e.l., remember when you would never let me live down the name i gave myself when i moved to the us, edward lai?

• you giggled, still finding his English name funny in the slightest way

• it’s still funny .. kuanlin?

• hm?

• thank you for not completely forgetting about me

• he wrapped an arm around you while your heart started to do cartwheels

• y/n, you aren’t just my bestfriend but it’s you. the person i wanna tell everything about first, the person i want to see me grow, the person to teach me right from wrong. I just know it’s you. you’re my person. you’re more than my bestfriend. so much more than that dumb label

• you hugged him but you heard him hiss in pain, forgetting that he’s still injured

• lets get you to the nurse before it gets worse .. and kuanlin? you’re my person too.

• this.. him. he calmed your nerves, he is your rock. & you. you are the person he wants around for life.

-

a/n: im back but idk how i feel about this!! n e ways, school has been tiring and I can’t wait for another break already UGH i hope you guys enjoy this!! 💚

[lunas-treehouse]

listing my medical issues for fun and cause i need to remind myself i’m not invincible and shouldnt be taking every risk i can

 nose bleeds that go on for hours when ive either blowed my nose a lil much or the airs too dry

vomiting and headaches caused by stress that i cant identify. my working theory is its just any hightened emotion or overstimulation

common heacaches and neck pain from no where. they get so bad i cant do anything but lay in bed and cry a little

back pain if i walk for just a lil too long [which sucks cause i love to walk]

i have to constantly crack my knuckles and neck or else i feel bleck

i genuenly cant sleep unless im super tired or im not feeling well

i mean theres the soft fucked up teeth [i have braces rn. thanks  bio dad for the genetics]

periods to heavy with cramps so bad i cannot move and i do a silent scream worthy of a fucking emmy [that could be my ego talking but]

speed round for disorders! : anxiety , ADHD , autism , tics from said anxiety. [these arent rlly BAD things but they arent exactly helping especially with that bleeding. as if sensory issues didnt make periods hell ENOUGH right? and oh my god my anxiety hyperfocusing on my nose being sure i dont nudge it the wrong way holy shit]

i have anemia and had to get a request to get iron infusions [i cant absob iron thru food or meds its really inconvinient tbh]

i have such a sensative stomach i cant have a lot of meat along with heavy red sauce stuff , a lot of spicy food , i have a limit on how much dairy i can have  and so on. i take meds for this

i also take meds for vitimin deficiencies so thats annoying

my fam and i had to get the vaccine as soon as possible along with boosters cause im at high risk. [except for bio dad and the kids he has custudy over. yeah thanks for that , dumbass. hes more fussy about himself being sick for a short while after than for my own saftey cause im at risk.]

okay just as a note this isnt me saing i have it worse than u. i think shit like that is stupid and just screams middle school bullshit.

also i dont want or need sympathy i just have this to remind my dumb self that im not a god and that i am very fucked and need to take this shit more seriously. “they why is it online?” i like to type more than i like to write and if i put this in fuckin word on my computer then i would forget it existed so-

[jeonginsdimple]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*soft bias tag*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

okay so i was tagged for this about five times i swear but they’re so deep in my notifs that i Can’t remember who tagged me and im too lazy to look but whoever u are i love u with all of my heart thank u it’s like this tag was made 4 me i am such a soft stan

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. Who is your bias?

g o d not this question. i’ll do jeongin bc he probably owns the most uwus of mine

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. What made you notice them?

hm.... honestly his b o y s sweater in hellevator was the first thing i saw HJDSHJS i was like “wow.......... that’s...... kinda gay also he’s really cute” but if i’m being completely honest he got such little screen time + lines i couldn’t tell whether he was a part of the group. later on when i looked up their profiles and i saw him i screeched he rly stole my heart very very early on. before i watched the show i kept thinking abt how excited i was to see more of him on screen PFF

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. What’s your favorite thing about them?

okay uhhhh u must be the Biggest Bool around if you think im going to name one thing anyway here’s my eight page essay--

fr ok i was going to list some things but i started writing about the first one and it’s too much i’m just going to keep that LMAO

his deep heart is something i think about a lot. i have to admit that i didn’t start watching the show until around when the fifth episode? came out. beforehand i had seen a clip from the fourth episode where jeongin had been practicing for school life, and he started admitting all of his struggles n insecurities n everything (the clip is called ‘jeongin is tired’ or something to that effect on youtube). anyway that was the first thing about stray kids i ever cried about! i sobbed so hard watching that y’all i felt like the Largest Clown around crying alone in my room sobbing over some boy that doesn’t know me PFF. watching him work so hard and worry so much about everything made my heart ache so bad hdsfsjkfdsjk especially since about .2 seconds before watching that clip i had seen a few people hating on him on twitter (which is why stan twt is inferior! too much hate tbh). i think it was at that moment, even if i wasn’t fully aware at the time since i hadn’t seen enough of them, that i really fell in love with jeongin anyway this is getting Too Soft god i’m moving on

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. Who would initiate skinship more?

ME HAHA WHAT KIND OF QUESTION-- have y’all seen that boy he’s like a metal rod when it comes to skinship. there’s this one video where minho’s doing a little pat pat 2 jeongin u kno nd he was STIFF AS HELL it was so funny. i’m so annoying and touchy i’d be attached to that boy deadass like some kind of leech he couldn’t get rid of me if he tried. trying 2 sleep? too bad Big Fool! suddenly i am Your Pillow

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. Who would hog blankets more?

hm............ well usually i’d say me because i get cold way too fast, but tbh if it was in a situation where i was laying w jeongin??? i’d let myself contract hypothermia and die he can have it

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. Who would be more clingy?

i kind of covered this already but 100% me y’all i’m so loud when it comes to being clingy. i’d be around him all the damb time if i had the chance fr

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. Who would say ‘I love you’ first?

also me i say i love you way too much. like on a more serious (kind of) note i sometimes worry that i say it to the point where it loses its meaning. i feel like that i should sometimes find other things to say because if there comes a time where someone really needs to hear “i love you” and they can’t believe me because of all of the casual times i’ve said it i’ll probably hate myself lmao. but that’s not important anyway in this situation i’d probably tell this loser i love him every time he came into my line of sight

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･  8. Who would be more easily flustered?

honestly ion know prob both? idk i’m such a loser and i get embarrassed so easy but @ the same time jeongin seems like he sucks at receiving attention without dying. so probably both depending on the situation

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. What cuddling position would you two have?

i am Embarrassed writing this but whatever i’ll just go 4 it. so i really love cuddling. like a Lot. also i have to take into account that i am Large and about two inches taller than jeongin. anyway i’d almost always prob be the Big Boy when cuddling. like i’d be wrapped around him in any way i could be. literally every position would be the one.......... if i wanted to give an example tho y’all know the vliev photoshoot that skz had........... the position that hyunjin n woojin were in? i’m hyunjin and jeongin is woojin that’s just how it is

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. Which colours remind you of them and why?

black bc he’s edgy uwu (no he’s not but for some reason black usually comes to mind......... it’s my favorite color tho so uhhh correlation) also pastel pink bc he’s so sweet and it’s like The soft color and i am Soft for him

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. Which season would you like to spend with them?

winter bc 1: his birthday uwu i’d spoil the fuck out of that boy with my 7 dollars and 2: so many kinship opportunities bc of the cold i’d live 4 it. plus there could b like........ hot chocolate and stuff wowow

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

hm........... i like baking....... so i’d prolly bake n jeongin would snatch the batter and i would absolutely Not be angry that boy owns my heart and he can own that batter too

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

ok i’d make so many bad puns every chance i got. fr give him incentive to smarten up and get the fuck away from my annoying ass

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

hhhhhh probably me. like i can’t recall any specific time that jeongin’s even talked abt animals. even tho i’m wildly allergic 2 both (but i have two of each rn i’m not weak y’all can fight me) i’d force him to get AT LEAST one dog with me

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. Which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen try to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

okay i would definitely be the one burning shit down i have literally burnt mac n cheese. i may b able to bake but once it comes to anything that involves an appliance that isn’t an oven i’m screwed

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. Who likes to lean over tall railings and who pulls them back?

that boy would lean over a railing on like the twentieth floor deadass “owo whats this” and i’d barrel across the room breaking the sound barrier in the process to save that boy i’m way too nervous all the time

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. What would watching a horror film with them be like?

ok well i for one enjoy a good Spook. if it’s like..... real scary tho i’m a little bitch lol. anyway i’d be holding that boy to me like he was on the verge of death the whole time. if he ever jumped i’d probably hold him tight enough to the point where he couldn’t breathe it rly be like that

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

i’d be cheesy 100% i’m so greasy. idk if jeongin would be smooth but considering he likes to introduce himself by saying he falls into our hearts and i introduce myself by messing up my first name i’ll take a chance and say he’s smoother

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 20. Who is more competitve?

him i’m literally so lame i’m not competitive at all. i’d let that boy win in a heartbeat if it made him happy (unless we were playing some like video game shit i get immersed in that)

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. Who would have to be given constant reminders? (Remember to eat, don’t forget to your keys, etc)

me all the way i am the most forgetful person on earth. i could be leaving the house n boy’s like “hey loser don’t forget ur fuckin pants”

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 22. Who sends memes and who sends cute ‘I miss you’ texts at 3am?

i send both and he purposely leaves me on read until i apologize

Tagging: anyone fr i don’t know who’s done it already except @dinonugggies u have to

[thedappleddragon]

ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta. 

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making  hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.

[pepperful-qt]

hi boo! just dropping by to see how youre doing! whats up? hows your fish deliveries? i hope theyre doing well. I HOPE YOURE DOING WELL TOO please please please take care of yourself,, ive have a pretty extra rough week HAHAH but so point out a few: a. first thing in the morning the first message i got was someone telling me that they saw someone claimed my art as theirs (i forgot to watermark it), b) my anxiety has been acting up lately hhhhh its really hard explaining to my new friends that its not my fault i need constant reassurance, c) we have finals tomorrow and we have TONS of requirements and assessments due, d) first thing i see on my notifs on tumblr today were hate anons, and e) ill be having my wisdom teeth removed next week and im deathly scared of doctors and dentists. sounds shitty right? sorry, i kinda vented lmao im just really tired. n e way, i hope youre doing better than i am!! please take care of yourself and i hope you've fixed your sleep schedule!! really pumped up for the second cour of haikyuu tho 👀

OMFGGG I'M SO SORRY HOLY SHIT but tbh same‼️‼️this week has been absolute garbage for me as well‼️please don't apologize for getting stuff off your chest that's SO MUCH TOOOOO JFC !! school sucks ahaha im considering skipping my class tomorrow bc i'm behind and my prof was sassy last time and i'm very very emotionally drained so I will leave the call and/or cry if he tests me again but shhh ugh I absolutely hate people that steal work or don't credit 🙄🙄 I don't watermark any of my stuff I like living on the edge ig also I don't care, but fr guys just make your own stuff or credit it's NOT that hard 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 on that note i've never gotten a hate anon either but istg some people get real ballsy behind those sunglasses 🔫 if you're gonna express your opinion like that at least own up to it so we can block you

& about your anxiety I'm sorry it's creeping up again :(( that's super stressful and doesn't help anything ever so I hope your friends have been understanding and not assholes! i've found at least outwardly lots of people are actually understanding but it's also easy to get stuck in your head so I get it!! just breathe bb you got this 💖

the new eps are the only thing keeping me going rn and I'm just gonna throw this week in a pit of lava if you'd like to join‼️😚 sending you a big hug and fluffy blanket w hot chocolate too💙

[annapanman]

1-50 for the ask game >:)

oof Cat you’re making me WORK lmaoooo

1. black pen

2. tough but city... i love air conditioning and diversity in restaurants too much

3. i’d learn a new instrument or language

4. sugar in both but it depends on the type of tea

5. lord i read so many books as a kid, i can’t pick one!

6. showers but i do love a good bath with a bath bomb

7. mermaid!!! i’ve been obsessed since birth

8. paper books

9. jackets and outer layers like cardigans and flannels

10. honestly i’ve struggled with liking my full name my whole life but i’m trying to love it more so i’d probably keep it

11. my old high school band director maybe??

12. I’d like to be famous for something science-related maybe... not my writing lol I’m too scared of other people’s opinions

13. I can be a restless sleeper depending where I am

14. Oh yes I am Hella Romantic i eat that shit up

15. I guess earth bc of my zodiac sign?

16. My boyfriend... and you bc you live so far away :(( physically and emotionally lol

17. EVERYONE bc of this pandemic but especially my bf, you, and my two friends who just moved away for grad school

18. hmmmm i used to be a really good rollerblader as a kid with my brother and my cousin, and we’d skate in endless circles in our garage and sing songs to pass the time lol

19. Blood pudding i think? Tried it in Ireland and it just wasn’t for me

20. I can see some trees and the house next door outside my window

21. I’m thankful for my friends being such Pure people and not getting tired of me snapping about my various health issues 

22. Spicy food is the BEST. except I can’t do the spicy chicken from Bonchon my limit is drawn there lmaooo

23. @bauhaus-bitch and I met Hozier last year!! Loved that and love him, he’s such a kind soul

24. I have a bulletjournal... i think that counts

25. Pencil for note-taking and school stuff, pen for the bulljo

26. Taurus

27. love the Cronch

28. i’m not sure! maybe I could do some impactful marine mammal or coral reef work, that would be nice to leave behind

29. I love reading but I’ve grown so picky with my books... don’t laugh, the last book i read was Midnight Sun bc i had to make fun of Edward and Stephanie’s writing style

30. Usually i try to remember their coffee/tea order, or their favorite baked good to bring to them... food is my love language lol

31. Ice is the best. I don’t trust people who prefer hot coffee over iced

32. I’m afraid of being in the deep ocean (ironic), unstable heights, and rejection of any kind

33. Changes a lot but rn my favorite scent is roses! Can’t be too strong tho otherwise it’s nasty

34. it depends on the person... if i know them well it’s their first name

35. I’d get a cute Scandinavian style house on the East coast somewhere, get a bearded dragon or dog and work as an aquarist or zoologist! Either that or run away to Alaska with someone and get a house with a mountain and ocean view lol

36. Pools, since it depends on the ocean/beach (I have never set foot at Myrtle Beach and I’m very proud of that)

37. ask around if someone dropped it, but then pocket it if it doesn’t belong to anyone (you won’t catch me going to the police)

38. I did see one once... i was in middle school and i did make a wish but i can’t remember what it was

39. i don’t want children, so im not sure what i’d want to teach them... probably to accept and celebrate everyone’s differences 

40. I’m thinking a sea creature of some kind either on my inner bicep or my thigh... we’ll see I really want one but i can’t commit to a design yet

41. I can hear BTS blasting from my laptop and the AC running in my room

42. I feel the safest at any location my friends are at, and my bed. 

43. I want to overcome my pandemic anxiety and depression bc holy hell this sucks

44. ... do BTS eras count? I don’t want to go far back in time bc of the racism so I’ll choose the HYYH era 

45. im on my laptop rn so i can’t type the emoji but the crying laughing emoji

46. autumn (bc im a basic bitch) but mostly for college basketball, the seasonal foods and drinks, and the wardrobe. oh and the cold rainy days with the leaves falling are the BEST

47. I’d go to a coffee shop with @bauhaus-bitch for writing and bullet-journaling in the morning, do a museum or aquarium with any friend in the afternoon and somehow be able to do cocktails, dinner, and cuddling with my boyfriend in Wilmington. Ideal but not realistic lol

48. Insistent

49. I can’t think of a big one but right now i regret not going to the Carolina Hurricanes’ pride night game with @saltysvga right before covid shut down the country 

50. .... i don’t have the braincells to invent a new word i’m sorry