#now that i aired this all out i just feel more sad than anxious

[oupycoded]

AT THIS POINT I NEED TO MAKE A PRIVATE TWITTER TO VENT OR SOMETHING??? because i don't think journaling can fix this, gang

[covetyou]

when we begin again

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: dub-con (reader was paying a debt, less so now), oral (f receiving), fingering, masturbation, thigh slaps (three small ones), small description of a hand injury, cumplay/cumshot/cum marking, praise kink, maybe Joel has a bit of a pain kink idk, possessive slutty Joel, derogatory names ("whore"), drug reference, unspecified age gap word count: 4.1k summary: He wasn't one to lick his wounds, but after a deal gone wrong Joel finds something he'd much rather put his mouth on.

A/N: and here we be, the first of the SWAT oneshots that serves as a sort of bridge between the main series and the few ideas I have brewing and ready to go. This is a whole re-write in less than 24 hours because the original fic I was almost finished with felt too me and not enough SWAT. no one needs sad girl monologuing about life and death and grief with their porn. you're welcome.

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"Hrrrmph!"

Joel's lips crash into yours the moment you step inside. One moment he's running an anxious hand through his graying hair, and the next he's making quick work of the space between you, striding across the floor to grab you and plant his lips firmly on yours.

It's not what you'd come here for, funnily enough. You wanted to talk and, glorious as it was to have your lips against his, you couldn't talk like this.

Wretching yourself away is stupid. After everything you know it's stupid, yet you do it anyway.

"Joel -"

Cupping your head in his hands his lips find yours again before you can get another word out, teeth knocking together as he licks into your mouth, and you briefly lose yourself, turning to putty in his arms, ready to sculpt into whatever he sees fit that day. Before the bonelessness takes hold completely, you pull back once more.

Searching his face you look for the sudden need, the sudden rush, the desire to kiss you and have your face in his hands that hadn't been there any other time until now. You see nothing, his dark eyes refusing to meet yours as his hands find themselves at the front of your pants, deftly unbuttoning them before you can even question him. Before he can unzip them, your hands find his, holding him gently in place.

Joel freezes, hands stilling on your zipper, and he pulls a small, sharp breath of air in through his nose as if you hurt him, wounded him by daring to slow him down.

"You want me to stop?" he growls.

"No, I just -"

"Then quit your complainin'."

You do. Briefly. Until the zip snags as he pulls on it again and he curses in frustration.

"Let me do it." Until last time, which wasn't really like any other time, he'd always asked you to strip yourself, made you strip in front of him before he touched out. His clumsy hands on your clothes felt alien, and as it was he was being too slow, even in his desperation.

"You not want me to touch you or somethin'?" he snaps, frowning down at your pants now as he fiddles with the zipper, trying to get it to budge.

"I never said that."

"Then quit your fuckin' complainin'."

And this time you really do when you finally see the tremble in his hands and the blood on his knuckles, and it occurs to you that maybe you did hurt him, that grabbing his hand to stop his frantic movement caused him pain.

Joel hadn't been in a rush before you got here. He'd been the opposite, pacing the floor, willing himself to slow down, calm down. And it had been working - each turn he could feel himself relaxing, all the pent up energy from a deal gone to absolute shit steadily leaving his bones. But your delicate knock on the door had sent his blood boiling in a different way. He'd fought with himself to ignore it, to tell you through the door to fuck off for another day, but the idea of something warm and wet and compliant to soothe his aches and pains was too enticing to pass up. Making you in particular moan and writhe and give in to him was even more impossible to let go. In the end, the door had practically let you in all on its own.

So when his hands pull at your zipper again, yanking it in frustration, you will it down, beg with your mind for it to not snag again, and you sigh with relief when it doesn't.

In one fluid movement your pants are unceremoniously pulled to your knees, and Joel is crowding you back against his dining table, rough and aching hands on your hips to guide you. Your exposed ass collides with the solid wood, and he's pressing into you, the hardening lump in the front of his jeans poking into the softness of your belly. You can feel the frustration in him and how it twitches through his fingertips, swells in his cock, and each time you feel how the need wins out over frustration as he grinds into you, latching him onto you as his veins hunt for some kind of relief.

Another yank of your jeans and he's pulled them to your ankles, stepping on them as he pushes you to sit on the table. Your jeans stay behind, dragging your shoes from your feet with a dull thud, and Joel kicks them away. Winters in Boston are bitter, none moreso than this one, and your frozen ass barely registers the feeling of the wooden surface as you sit on it, still kitted out in your hat, coat and gloves. When you move to pull them off his hand pushes between your breasts, knocking you back onto the table. A second later there's a harsh scrape of a chair across the floor and, just as you manage to tug one glove off, he's yanking you down the table toward him.

You sit up and look down where he sits between your legs, enraptured by the softness of your skin beneath hands that glide up and down your thighs, gripping and squeezing the soft flesh more gently than the wounds on his knuckles suggest he's capable of. He's holding off, you realize then as you watch his hands, trying to slow himself from taking what he needs.

Tossing your hat to the side you lift your hips, shimmying your panties down just enough for Joel's fingers to work them down the rest of the way. Sitting back in his chair he looks between your legs, and you know that he can see what you've been feeling since you stepped onto his street. By this point, the response was Pavlovian. Each step closer to Joel's apartment you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, your cheeks feeling hotter and hotter. You wonder if one day he'd stop having this affect on you, or if he'd stop responding to it exactly how you knew he would, but with a knowing quirk in his brow, you know that day is not today.

"Fuck me, sweetheart. You sure no one else been down here today?"

Shaking your head, you manage one more look at him before he's pulling your legs up, hooking them over his shoulders and diving into your slick folds with a firm lick.

"N-no," you gasp, bucking slightly into his face with your legs spread over his broad shoulders. He should know that you haven't, that you wouldn't, but you think he just needs to hear the confirmation, needs to know that this thing in front of him right now is just his for the taking, and so you let him have it. "Haven't even touched myself today."

He moans into your cunt, cold nose pressing into the softness of your mound as his tongue laps and laves you. With a slurp, having cleaned up the arousal that had leaked out of you on your way here, he looks up at you, ticking his head to the side and nodding down to your bare pussy. "Well, shit, looks like all o' this is just for me, huh?"

There's no air left in your lungs for you to respond when his tongue circles your clit and makes you groan into the cold air. Whatever he needs, if this is how he was going to take it, you were damn well going to let him take everything you had.

And so, pinning you to the table he begins to devour your cunt, licking messily all over you, coating you in his saliva. He pulls you open with his arms hooked over your thighs, spreading your lips further for him. The chill hits you for just one second when you're fully spread to the cold air, but his mouth soon descends on you and all you can see are his eyes and the curve of his nose, his mouth hidden as he buries it into you.

You shuffle your jacket off, the room suddenly feeling much warmer than when you first entered it, and earn yourself a small slap to your thigh, making you squeak out a yelp of surprise, when Joel's mouth involuntarily pulls from your cunt.

"You gonna keep still? Or you gonna keep fuckin' wrigglin'?"

You shift again, biting your cheek as you test him. Channelling his energy into eating your cunt is working wonders for him and he seems calmer already, but that doesn't stop him lightly slapping your thigh again, shooting a warning look up at you.

"Got a way to keep you still if you can't fuckin' do it by yourself, sweetheart," he warns and, as if sensing you're about to test him again, he unhooks one arm from you and pushes a finger straight into your wet heat.

You moan, gasping again when he sucks your clit for good measure.

"Huh?" He's coaxing you, trying to get you to wiggle again and earn yourself another surprise. Not one to push your luck you simply moan, letting your back arch slightly when he begins to move his finger inside you. "What was that?"

"Fu-nothing. Just - fuck - so good."

You mind is liquid, seeping out of your ears and making a mess of your jacket when he licks you again, dancing the tip of two fingers around your entrance before sliding both into you. If it hurts him, he doesn't let on, but you can tell it does something to him by the groan he makes into your cunt as his fingers curl in you, making your walls clamp and twitch around his fingers.

"That's it," he murmurs. "Like gettin' this pussy ate, don't you?"

"Mm."

"Thought so. Needy fuckin' pussy. Not just your mouth that wants to be kissed is it, she needs it too?"

"Oh god, yes please, she needs it too."

And you can feel it, the moment he switches from eating your cunt to kissing it. You know the shapes, the trails he kisses, the way his tongue dances. You'd committed it to memory the past week, made yourself come at the thought of his mouth, the scratch of his beard, the feel of him beneath your fingertips, touching him as much as he was touching you. His mouth and the memory work together then, bringing you so impossibly close to coming you can feel as your moans leave you more high pitched, how you push into him, chasing and chasing that feeling that's right there -

"See," he says, stopping your orgasm in it's tracks when he pulls back, a knowing smile on his face. He pushes another finger into you too, watching as your legs twitch open wider to take him, the rim of your pussy spreading across his fingers with slicked up ease. "Don't even gotta stuff your mouth, just gotta keep this thing right here stuffed and suddenly you're actin' all nice and polite."

There's a brief hope in you that he'll go for a fourth finger, stretch you out across his sore knuckles and ready you for his hard cock, but the hope fizzles away, cast to the side and forgotten, the second his mouth joins his hand back between your thighs.

You're almost there again already, the crest of the orgasm he stole from you a moment ago barely behind you. His tongue laps rhythmically, never ceasing, and his breaths come in heavy, fanning across your folds as he feasts on you, fingers pumping so deep you're sloshing around them. You're hot, so impossibly hot in spite of the cold. You want to shed more layers, bare yourself for him, but you're so close and he's getting you there fast, goading you on with each satisfied groan into your cunt.

"That's it," he mumbles into your twitching pussy. "Fuck that's it sweetheart, come on my fingers."

You can feel it build, Joel's mouth engulfing you and lapping at everything you have to give. The beginnings of your orgasm start to shudder through you, your legs stuttering with every flick of his tongue. Your back arches from the table, toes curling in thick socks as your heels press into his back, pushing him into you. And then it hits you.

The coil in your belly snaps, letting loose an orgasm that swamps all your senses. Held down by Joel's muscular arm and pinned by the fingers hooked in you, you buck into his mouth. Quivering thighs have clamped around his ears, attempting to draw up and pull back as you squirm in his firm grip. You're screaming too, you think, a breathy high pitched shout of his name that you just can't hold back, that gets shakier and shakier the longer it goes on.

And it does go on. Joel doesn't stop, determined to wring from you as much as he can. His fingers are locked inside of you, forced to stillness by the pulsing in your pussy. Still, he can flex them, curling his pruning fingertips into you while he tongues your clit, groaning with each twitch of it beneath his tongue. You know that sound, how it's gotten deeper and more desperate as he's devoured you. It's a sound that tells you he's hard, that he needs relief and will be desperate for it the second he pulls away from you. That thought only makes you come harder, and by the time your cunt has stopped its erratic pulsing around Joel's fingers and you've fallen limp, deaf, and winded against his table, he's already standing, pushing the chair back and letting it crash to the floor.

Dragging his fingers from you he pushes between your legs, pulling his jeans open as best he can, wincing when he rasps his knuckles on the fabric a little too harshly. You reach for him, wanting to help, wanting to be a relief for him like he is for you.

"Let me -"

But he knocks your hand away, tugging down his jeans a moment later, his cock springing free and knocking into your thigh before he can capture it in his fist. It's hot against you, burning and dripping, likely feeling as achey as his knuckles do.

You expect him to plunge into you immediately, to take advantage of the position between your thighs and your pussy still fluttering with want at the sight of him, but he doesn't. Instead you watch for a moment as he strokes himself, the bloody scrapes on his knuckles contrasting harshly with the smooth, solid plains of his cock.

"Your hand, Joel, I can -"

"Fuck, my hand," he growls, resting his unmarred hand on your though to hold you still.

Your legs fall open further, his touch light on your thigh barely applying any pressure to open you up for him. Still, he doesn't take the clear route in, and you're rocking forward trying to notch his tip on your entrance just as the rough scrape of his knuckles drags across your sensitive inner thigh.

"Please put it in me," you finally beg, needing to feel the deep stretch of his cock as it pierces you.

"Nuh-uh, sweetheart, you get what you're given and you be grateful. You gonna take it?"

"Yes," you say quickly, following on with a small, "Please."

He groans at your eagerness to please. Making a man like Joel desire you so much he can't help but moan, just with small words and gasps of your own, makes you feel a power you've never had before and your eyes just about roll back in your head.

"Use your hands, show me that hole," he demands, giving you a little space to reach down and spread yourself for him. Your pussy is leaking, still, you can feel the slick spread on your fingers as you spread yourself for him. "That's it, hold yourself open. Fuck she's still twitchin'. Fuuuck. That's it."

His strokes become longer, more fluid, as he stares at your aching, empty cunt. You still want him inside, would do anything to get him there, but the desire in his eyes tells you he's getting exactly what he wants right now, and you almost want that more.

Tilting his head back as he strokes his cock with pussy drenched fingers, his bruised knuckles rub against your cunt with every stroke. Holding yourself open is easy, but keeping your legs from snapping shut each time his fist rubs your clit feels almost impossible. As if noticing, Joel pulls back, looking down where your cunt is spread open for it.

"That's it, keep it open. Good girl."

You know you're glistening for him, he'd eaten you so fiercely his saliva had been dripping from you, mixing with your own slick as you came on his tongue. He can see the evidence of it now, and the evidence of what his words do to you at the tell tale twitch of your cunt at his praise.

You can't take it any more and you beg in desperation again. "Please put it in, please."

It does nothing but earn you another soft slap to your thigh, which he rubs, grabbing the meat of you and squeezing in his large hand as his cock twitches and drips in his damaged one.

"No," he grunts, breath coming in more ragged now. "Want you to fuckin' wear me. Know who's pussy this is?"

"Yours."

"Fuck," he hisses. "Yeah it is. Pussy's mine, sweetheart. Mine."

Gripping your thigh tighter he moves in closer again, his hand bumping your sensitive nub as he jerks so closely you slick up his knuckles, soothing the soreness and jerking your clit in tandem.

"Oh fuck, that's it, sweetheart. Keep it just like that, show me that pussy. Show me," he's saying, over and over as he watches you.

A second later he's looking up, staring straight into your eyes and pinning you there on the table with them. You nod, words stuck in your throat when all you want to scream is for him to come, to cover you in it, to claim your pussy just like he needs, just like you want.

The sneer on his lips tells you he wants it too, and before you know it his tip is pressing firmly to your clit, jerking it with every frantic movement of his fist, his hips thrusting minutely into it like he can't control it, can't hold it back any more. And neither can you. The pressure and the movement on your clit is too much and you're coming again, so soon after the first it brings tears to your eyes.

"Ohhh, f-Joel, pleasecomeonme."

Looking down where he's pressed to you, he hisses a breath in through his teeth, holding it for just one second until it pushes out of him with a deep, shakey moan, cum exploding out of his tip and coating your folds, dripping through you until the last spurt coats your mound and he's left breathless.

You flop onto the table, grateful for the padding your coat offers your bones as you collapse into the wood. He's leaning over you, finally releasing his grip on your thigh and running a thumb across his mouth, cock still in his aching fist. Using the oversensitive tip, he smears the cum into your bare cunt and the insides of your thighs, catching your eyes just in time to watch them turn from glassy to rattling in your head, your mouth in a small O when he jerks your clit with his head, making you both gasp.

"You did say this pussy was mine," he says, letting a small wry smile tug at his cheeks. He pulls back then, letting go of his spent cock to run his fingers through your cum covered folds, scooping up a drop with his thumb.

Leaning leaning over you, he swipes his cum slicked thumb against your lips. You suck on it, tasting him, salty and bitter and sweet and Joel exploding on your tongue all at once. You want to thank him for it, but he pulls your mouth open with his thumb and pushes two fingers in, making you clean them with broad soothing strokes. You're careful not to catch him with your teeth, still aware of the wounds on his knuckles as you taste yourself off of his cum soaked fingers. If his hand looks like that, you wonder what the person on the receiving end looks like - the thought shouldn't make your cunt twitch, you know it shouldn't, that it's likely sick and twisted and wrong, but it does, and you moan around his fingers just has he pulls them from your mouth.

When your eyes flick to his lips, he smirks, knowing what you want without even asking. Cupping your face with his bruised, wet fingers, he makes you look at him, waits for the desperation in your eyes to ramp up to the point of frustration before he gives it to you.

Just a peck, that's all he gives, soft lips and the tickle of his facial hair so fleeting you could have blinked and missed it, before picking up the chair with a groan and settling back in it with a deep sigh, inspecting his wrinkled fingers. They'd spent so long buried in you the tips are starting to pucker, the ache that your warmth had soothed slowly crawling back down his knuckles.

Your mind is slowly pulling itself together, slowly crawling back into your ears and taking root in your skull again. Joel's eyes scan across you before finding something apparently considerably more interesting on the floor by his dining table.

"Where the fuck you shoppin' this late in the day?" he says with a frown, and you sit up, following his gaze to the floor.

Your pants are in a tangle, a sprawled mess on the floor with your shoes from where Joel had dragged them from your body and there, next to them in a messy pile, is a small stack of cards that you'd brought with you.

"Oh."

Right. You came here to talk to him, to renegotiate your arrangement, before Joel had needed more from you than a chat in that first moment through the door and pushed all thought of conversation from your mind. You clear your throat and square your shoulders, pushing away the last haze of orgasm and look back up at him. "I'm not. They're for you."

With a groan, he bends to pick them up, counting them as he stands and then raising them to you with a question on his lips.

"What're these for?"

"For the pills," you say, like it's obvious, like you hadn't been using your body as payment for months.

"I've already taken my payment," he says with a look to your cum coated cunt. "'n' if you wanna pay me for your daddies pills, you know it's more than this, right?"

"I can take 'em back if you don't want 'em. I just figured we can pay a bit now and, y'know... I wanna come here because I wanna come here, for me, not just for pills all the time." It sounded better when you rehearsed it in your head this morning, but coming out of your mouth now it sounds ridiculous.

He looks at you for a moment, taking you in, sat pantsless and dripping on his dining table.

"Y'know, there's a simpler solution to this than dumpin' cards on me without warnin', right?" If there is, you haven't thought of it. "Stop only comin' by when you need pills." Oh.

"If you want somethin' else, you know where I am. Now, if you don't wanna whore yourself for meds anymore, if you wanna be respectable, then that's fine. I'll take your cards. But I ain't takin' all of 'em. I'm keepin' these," he says raising a few cards up to you. "And you're takin' these," he pushes the remaining ones into your hand along with a small bag of pills he slips out of his pocket and you frown. You already weren't offering him enough.

"Now I get a nice respectable, good girl to fuck, and you get to pretend you're not a whore. Win-win."

"I'm not a whore," you insist, rolling your eyes, even though you know it's not exactly true.

Joel simply shrugs, shaking out your jeans and throwing them on the table next to you before placing his hand by your ass, thumb stroking delicately along the soft skin there, and leaning down toward you. He tilts your head up to face him, his nose catching yours as your eyes meet his.

"Whore or not, sweetheart," he smirks. "Pussy's still mine."

You weren't going to argue with him there.

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[firelilyfox]

Nightmares & Soft Words

Dune : Paul Atreides x female reader

Warnings : fluff / mention of loosing someone / mention of war / teasing

You had a nightmare & Paul comforts you

(English is not my first language so please excuse spelling and grammatical mistakes)

Words : 1033

______________________________

Your breathing is shallow as you wake up in the middle of the night because of another horrible dream. Beside you lays Paul who is still peacefully sleeping. His dark curls have managed to fall all over his beautiful face and you resist the urge to touch it to remind you that you are back in reality. Weeks have passed since you were able to sleep peacefully. Too much worries and sorrows filled your mind with fear.

Fear to loose Paul. Fear to see all your friends die. Fear that this brutal war will never end. 

But you haven’t told him about any of that. Paul has such a big responsibility to carry around, that the thought alone telling him about your stupid litte nightmares was pathetic. He deserves to rest and not have to think about his girlfriend being anxious about something that hasn’t even happened yet. 

You take a last look at him and deciding to go for a litte walk through the halls of your underground home. The massive, old stonewalls always seemed to calm you down since you were a little kid. You imagined all the stories that they had been witnessed and all of the Fremen that were here before. 

Every footstep of yours sends a little echo through the empty hallways and while you let your thoughts run free, you somehow find your way to the waters of the souls that died for the greater good. Normally this place would make people sad, but for the Fremen it is a great honor to still be a part of the remaining for eternity. 

The torches on the walls flickers and their light is reflected by the water, wich made the big hall looked warm and gloomy. Before you could take a seat near the water, something catches your attention. Paul was leaning against a wall right behind you. The look on his face made you nervous. 

„Why are you up? Did something happen?“ 

He comes towards you with a frown. „That’s what I should ask you, Y/N. What are you doing here in the middle of the night?“ 

„Oh it’s nothing. I-I just needed fresh air“, you shrugged. 

Paul shakes his head with a smile of disbelief. „You are terrible at lying, love.“ He puts his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. You let him, but still trying to avoid direct eye contact. You are more than sure about the fact, that Paul would be able to see all the horrible things you dreamed about in less than a second. So you just leaned against his touch and trying your best to put on an effortlessly smile for him. 

„Really it’s nothing. Maybe I ate something wrong or haven’t drank enough. We should go back to bed.“ You are trying to get out of his grip, but instead you can feel it tightened around your waist. 

„I won’t let you go anywhere now, until you told me the truth. You seem upset and I will be dammed if I let you go back to sleep like that.“ Paul puts his finger under your chin to force you softly to look at him. That’s when you start to tear up a little. „Talk to me, love.“ 

You sigh. „I had a nightmare again.“ 

His thumb softly wipes away a tear that was rolling down your cheek. „You haven’t told me you were haunted by nightmares before.“ 

„I didn’t want to stress you about something pathetic like that. With all that is going on with the war and the revolution right now … and the Fremen seeing you as their leader … there is no room for something irrelevant like that.“ 

Paul shuts you up with a soft kiss on the lips. Your hands grabbing the thin fabric of his shirt to hold him close to you. 

„Never say something like that again or I’m forced to use the voice on you to get rid of that stupid idea that your nightmares are irrelevant or that there is no room for you coming to me with your problems.“ His words were determining but his voice sounded so very soft, that your heart melted a bit. „I couldn’t possibly do any of this … crazy Lisan al Gaib stuff without knowing that you are alright by my side.“ 

You couldn’t hold back a little smile. „You are very good at finding the right words, Usul.“ 

You using his Fedaykin-Name always had the impact of lightens up his gaze. It reminds him, that you two are very much equal and that he is a part of something worth fighting for. 

„Now tell me what this nightmares are about.“ 

And you did. You told him everything while going back to your room and he hold your hand the entire time. The words came out like a waterfall but now that you hear them out loud, they not seemed so scary anymore. You felt the moment the tension left your body when the two of you got back to bed, lying next to each other so close that no nightmare can come between. 

„If you ever have thoughts like that you need to tell me, love. It is unbearable to me if I can’t be sure, that you and that pretty little head of yours are doing okay.“ He tapped his finger against your forehead. „Do you understand?“ 

„I do understand. But for now…“ You say while you sit up again and take a seat on his lap with spread legs. Paul leaned back on his forearms, admiring you as if there is nothing more beautiful in this world. And to him, there is none. „For now my head is doing more than just okay.“ 

He gives you a little smirk. „That’s good to know. Maybe there is a way we could make your body feel the same way.“ Paul grabs your hips and you start kissing him passionately while your fingers run through his hair. A dark sound escapes his throat as you are slowly moving your hips to create pressure to his growing length between your legs. 

„We should figure out how good you can make me feel, Muad’Dib.“ 

[meowzfordayz]

look me in the eyes; tell me you love him

Author’s Note: this is FILTHY. 😳 I’m in love. 😌 Ending is purposely ambiguous, but def not bad/sad.

look me in the eyes; tell me you love him

Geto Suguru x Reader x Gojo Satoru

Word Count: ~3,400

CW: 18+NSFW, anal, cheating, cream!pie, c!m eating, degrading language, double!p, explicit language, Fem!Reader, spit, squirting, threesome

Kinktober 2023

~faqs~

“Y’know, you could’ve waited five minutes, just in case I forgot something.”

Fuck.

—

It’s hard to respond to Suguru’s deadpan remark when Satoru refuses to relinquish your mouth, candy sweet tongue swiping greedily along your bottom lip, pointedly ignoring his best friend posted up in the living room doorway. Your ass sits perched on the couch’s armrest, shocked and anxious eyes meeting your boyfriend’s frosty stare, breasts bare while your delicate skirt flares out innocent and pretty, legs spread to make room for Satoru’s ministrations. His large, slender hand remains occupied between your thighs, nimble thumb keeping your panties aside while his index and middle fingers pet teasingly at your soft, warm folds.

“Don’t grip her so tightly,” Suguru mutters darkly, stalking toward Satoru’s other hand as he kneads roughly at the plush of your hip, “She’ll bruise.”

“Oh I know,” Satoru replies, nonchalant and smug, promptly reaching up for your cheeks, squishing your face with a grin, “Now listen.”

Against his better judgment, Suguru halts his advance, stomach twisting at the dazedness in your eyes, your gaze dropping as Satoru slips his fingers into your heat, undeniable squelch of slick and desire blurring Suguru’s vision while Satoru curls his fingers so precisely and familiarly, your body jolting at the pressure.

“What a slut,” Suguru snarls, rooted in place as your head falls backward, a strangled moan building in your chest, Satoru’s fingers moving faster and faster with more and more dexterity, the sound of your essence coating his fingers becoming louder and messier, staining your skirt as he approaches the crest of your orgasm with practiced ease, “This isn’t the first time my best friend has had his fingers knuckle deep in your cunt, is it? The way your breath catches, the way your knees jerk… how long have you been fucking?”

“Suguru,” you finally whimper, pushing limply at Satoru’s wrist, “I’m so sorry.”

A displeased growl draws your attention, Satoru frowning disappointedly even as he continues chasing your orgasm, fingers jabbing sharper, your pathetic mewls spurring him on.

“Damn right you’re sorry,” Satoru hisses, “Why the hell are you saying the name of the guy who isn’t about to make your stupid cunt cum?”

“That guy,” Suguru interjects bitterly, “Is your best friend. How about you quit blocking my view, and at least let me watch my bitch cheating on me.”

Laughing amusedly, Satoru acquiesces, unceremoniously flipping your skirt up to reveal your glistening pussy, shifting himself just enough for Suguru to see how eagerly your hole flutters around his fingers, “Your bitch? At this point, I’d say she’s our bitch. I’ve been fucking her whenever you’re gone for months.”

“Let me guess,” Suguru snorts, no longer frozen, striding closer till he can feel the air vibrating with Satoru’s domineering bite, “Something about asking for forgiveness rather than permission? Bet that was your thoughtless process.”

“Sure was,” Satoru singsongs, grabbing your face once more as you begin shaking, “That’s right bitch, fucking squirt all over your boyfriend’s nice pants. Show him how you like to cheat on him, show him what his best friend is capable of.”

Suguru’s mouth curdles with disgust and begrudging interest as you climax, your legs quivering too familiarly while Satoru slaps wetly at your cunt. Your poofy skirt paints a scene of naivety around your waist even as a visible puddle collects on the sun faded floor beneath you, the couch’s armrest suffering the same fate as your cum dribbles between your asscheeks.

“Well, you are capable,” Suguru sighs, nose crinkling when Satoru casually flicks the remnants of your orgasm onto his pants, a nasty smile accompanying the scent of your sex while you lean limply into Satoru’s side.

With a low hum, Satoru pets lightly at your head, his cock straining in his trousers with satisfaction as your cum sticks to your hair. Glancing downward, he notes Suguru’s own erection, a sizable bulge that you’d gushed about not infrequently, gears clanging when you tug plaintive at the hem of his shirt.

“Whaddya want?” he nearly coos, comfort settling in at your adoring pout and Suguru’s somehow ebbing temper, “Both of us?”

Your eyes widen at Satoru’s forbidden suggestion, Suguru’s jaw twitching. He must be so pissed you think, tears quickly brimming as realization knocks you from your high. You’d shove Satoru if you could trust yourself to balance, still reeling from your climax, beginning to tremble as Suguru fails to acknowledge you.

“As often as you ride this cock,” Satoru drawls, confidence rising, “I can’t seem to escape your yapping about his,” chin jutting toward Suguru, “Dick. So maybe you could give us both a try. We’ll figure out who you really love.”

And part of you immediately recoils, teeth gnashing at the implication of your cheating equating to loving, wondering far too late if Satoru might actually like you a little. If, perhaps, the tender, soapy showers and playful, gentle cuddles weren’t merely for his ego. If his constant availability and willingness to fuck you within an inch of consciousness—to then build and nurture you back to coy flirtation and unguarded laughter—should’ve been a redder flag. If, in fact, it was heart shaped.

But a bigger part of you surrenders, intrigued by the chance to feel your lovers together. Desperate to earn Suguru’s forgiveness. His approval. And much too aware of the precum leaking through his pants, almost licking your lips at the prospect of angry, possessive fucking.

“Suguru?” you say carefully, pussy clenching at the prompt disdain in his eyes, his expression so bored yet so ready to devour you.

“Tell me you love him,” Suguru murmurs, a succinct, seductive demand, “Look me in the eyes, and tell me you love him.”

“Wha-”

“I don’t mind,” he shrugs, readjusting his crotch in an exaggerated, languid movement, “I mind a lot. I fucking hate you,” the unzipping of his pants filling the room with a choked anticipation, “But what’s done is done. So you have two options,” resting a patronizing palm on your bare shoulder, smirking as your body gravitates away from Satoru, “You can tell me the truth, and my best friend and I will fuck your cunt and ass until we are sated… or you can lie to me and sit here while my best friend and I cum on your fucking whore face.”

Your ending is clear, the fragility of your position—and the wickedness of their friendship—stated point and blank. You don’t need to spare Satoru a glance to know he’s celebrating internally, his cockiness and blatant disrespect being rewarded in a roundabout manner as usual. And you don’t need to press Suguru further, his intent to punish you confirmed, a surprisingly promising future ahead should you play your cards right.

“Fuck my cunt and my ass,” you whisper, core stirring as Suguru’s pants hit the ground, his briefs soon following, Satoru’s impressed whistle—Not bad, not bad—and Suguru’s consequent scowl reminding you of how dearly you love Suguru’s cock.

“Not quite,” Suguru tsks, stroking his cock with a dreadful calmness, palm on your shoulder lowering to cup your tit, “Tell me the truth.”

“I…” you falter, feeling Satoru’s obliques stiffen against your cheek, his hand firm in your hair as Suguru’s remains on your shoulder, “I can’t…”

Suguru strokes himself faster, balls already tightening from your earlier performance, expression growing more bored and less primal.

“Ilovehim,” you gasp, Satoru’s eyes shutting at your confession, “I love him and how he’s memorized me from head to toe. How he can make me cum over and over, how he cleans and cherishes me,” gulping for air as you fixate on Suguru’s cock, so red and swollen and shining with precum, “But… but I love you. I love you and how you’ve accepted me through ups and downs, how you make me feel stars. How I feel known by you, inside and out. How I believe I know you, enough to make you happy.”

“Enough to cheat on me?” is Suguru’s tart retort, “With my best friend. You’re so-”

“Suguru.”

Satoru’s interruption startles you, his voice silken honey as he smoothes the furrow of your brow, deftly unzipping his own pants, determined to match Suguru’s pace. Eyes rolling, Suguru grabs your thigh, forcing your legs wide, mouth a thin line as Satoru’s underwear pools at his ankles.

“Complaints?” Satoru winks, grabbing your other thigh, brushing your cheek with his free fingers—your cum flaking onto your face—for a fleeting moment before nudging you upright, “Does she get any prep?”

You lick your lips properly now, the heat and allure of their hands spreading you open making your pussy tingle. Suguru’s cock waits heavy and engorged in his grasp, an unassuming yet devastatingly thick six inches with a perfectly mushroomed tip to compliment his foreboding stature. Meanwhile, Satoru’s curves slightly upward, elegantly cruel at eight inches, slim and pink as his flared tip drools precum.

“Prep? For this bitch?” Suguru punctuates his slur with a smack to your nipples, delighting in your yelp as he meets Satoru’s zealous gaze, “I’m sure she gets plenty, fucking around with multiple men.”

“Multiple?” Satoru snaps at that, mood simmering at the thought, “No, Suguru. Just me. Just me… and you.”

Suguru doesn’t have the patience to argue semantics, tugging roughly on your tit to guide you off the couch’s armrest and onto the couch itself, Satoru’s hand migrating from your thigh to your ass, whimsical skirt torn from your waist, lazy thumb prodding at your asshole as you brace yourself on all fours. A glob of spit lands on your back, and then your asscheek, Suguru pinching and twisting your nipples with unperturbed harshness as he watches Satoru’s thumb trace a heart through the spit before sinking into your hole. You hiss at the intrusion, ill prepared for the intense sensation of using spit for lube, groaning when Satoru immediately spits on your ass again. His thumb slips farther and farther into your asshole as he continues spitting, relishing in how his spit beads and then drips onto the cushions below, your pubic hair drenched and glistening.

“Does this mean you’re fucking her ass?” Suguru queries, admiring the pained scrunch of your face as Satoru switches from his thumb to both his index and middle fingers, tolerating the impromptu preparation to bask in your obvious physical discomfort.

He gifts you a chastising kiss, forgetting your tits for a second to cup and caress your cheeks, softening the pain in your expression.

“Actually,” Satoru grins behind you, something devilish and orchestrated to which only Suguru is privy, “I was thinking your monster girth would do a better job of breaking this tight fucking ass, and I know she loves when I abuse her cervix.”

Choosing to disregard Satoru’s baiting reference to his own claim to your pleasure, Suguru nods in agreement, squatting to your eye level as you whimper faintly, Satoru shoving a third finger past your gradually relaxing muscle.

“Satoru’s being so considerate,” Suguru says, saccharine and sarcastic, “The jerk’s always compensating for something,” sneering as he knocks your arms out from under you, your asshole suddenly empty as Satoru withdraws.

Suguru maneuvers you like light weight as he slinks himself beneath you, your mouth smooshed into his chest for a brief respite. And then you’re being flipped onto your ass, slippery from Satoru’s ministrations as Suguru’s cock slides hard and fat between your asscheeks. Suguru’s arms catch your legs and hook around your knees, pulling backwards till you’re bent in half, palms forcing your head downward while your tits squish into your kneecaps, your asshole and cunt presented to Satoru as you struggle to breathe.

“Marvelous,” Satoru murmurs, smiling to himself as he reaches tentatively, “Uh… Suguru, may I?”

“Yeah, yeah, touch my dick,” Suguru snorts, “How else is it gonna get into her asshole?”

“Touché,” Satoru laughs, grasping Suguru’s cock almost cheerfully, appreciating its heft as he guides your pelvis high enough to position the tip, “This thing is solid.”

Glowering, Suguru mutters, “Thanks,” hips shifting until he feels his precum smearing on the pucker of your ass.

You gasp when he thrusts upward, a fearful, eager noise, unable to even wiggle in Suguru’s ironclad grip. His tip bumps a couple times—clumsy and large—against your hole, Satoru letting out a dramatic sigh before providing greater assistance. Satoru’s long fingers curl fully around Suguru’s shaft as he persists in shallow thrusting, a guttural groan accompanying a loud exclamation—Fuck!—when he finally bullies himself into your asshole.

“Atta bitch,” Satoru chimes, enraptured by the sight of your skin stretched to its limit around Suguru’s cock, rim fluttering around the foreign feeling, your hands balled into fists at the tearing pain.

“Suguru!” you wail, gut churning as his shallow thrusts grow increasingly deeper, ass burning with every selfish rut as he ploughs through the immense friction, your hole receiving little opportunity to recover as he builds a staggering tempo, “Suguru, Suguru, Suguru!” drunk on the suffocating drag of your asshole clinging desperately to his cock, slowly but surely swallowing him whole, “FUCK!”

Head woozy and neck aching, the pain maintains pace with the pleasure as you watch Satoru grab his own cock, leaning over to spit on your sternum—you swear he mouths Mine, or maybe it was the endorphins—as he places his other palm on the underside of your thigh. Suguru pays Satoru no mind, speed barely lessening though your body remains relatively steady due to your restrained pose. You imagine taking Satoru in your pussy will be easier, it’s a more natural feeling after all, dazed on the cock in your ass, clit terribly neglected as your cunt clenches excitedly. But you’ve never been doubly penetrated before.

You’re sorely mistaken.

The initial push is as expected. You’re soaked from Satoru’s fingering, the plethora of teasing and warnings, and Suguru’s relentless fucking into your asshole, pain having reasonably subsided albeit still stinging with an unsympathetic roughness. Satoru’s pretty cockhead slips right in, his slimmer width hardly interfering with Suguru’s rhythm. You moan at the fullness, and Satoru’s poorly concealed whine makes Suguru smirk. Encouraged by your response, Satoru thrusts forward, hands resting casually on Suguru’s knees—who tries, and fails, to resist flinching—Satoru’s head pitching backward to display the bobbing of his Adam’s apple. A mewl fills the air as Satoru’s cock slides farther into your pussy, Suguru undoubtedly bruising your legs to counter your weak squirming, the stuffing of your ass and pussy coming to overwhelming fruition.

“So fucking beautiful,” Satoru gushes, fixated on how perfectly his cock disappears into your cunt, finding himself nearly winded as well from the newfound pressure of a second cock fucking into the hole beneath him.

“Pah,” Suguru grunts, hiding his dilated pupils and bitten lips in your nape, stamina far from waning as his brutal fucking continues, “Stop praising the whore and start ruining it.”

Shaking his head with wry amusement, Satoru’s meandering pace carries on, simply fascinated by the pleading glaze in your eyes, asshole sensitive to the touch as Satoru circles a playful finger around your rim, taut and clenching as Suguru’s cock flexes from the feathery stimulation.

Just when you worry Satoru’s forgotten about the hole he’s supposed to be fucking—Silly girl—he fucks himself in, balls brushing the base of Suguru’s cock as you scream, writhing hopeless and exhausted when Suguru plunges himself in to the hilt too.

“Mmm,” Satoru rasps, “You truly are a whore, huh,” tip twitching against your cervix as your cunt throbs erratic and velvety around him, “Falling in love with me while dating my best friend, letting us destroy your slutty holes to try and make it up to both of us,” spit trickling from his too sweet mouth to your puffy folds, “I can’t believe we fit in here,” tapping your clit with a handsome grin, moaning outright when you convulse, “You must really love us.”

You cum at his words, so cherry red and persuasively picked, Suguru relaxing slightly to allow you a complete orgasm. They fuck you through your climax, the sticky sound of slapping balls and viscous essence quickly edging you toward another. There’s cotton in your head, legs tiring even with Suguru’s support, trembling from exertion; what else could explain the dizzying fuzz hazing your perception? Suguru’s cock shoves ridged and ruthless into your ass, Satoru’s thrusting more lubricated but deep in your cunt, your poor cervix pulsating from every graze of his tip.

“Please,” you beg, whimpering hollowly as you cum again, walls beginning to constrict in a subconscious urge to cease their thorough fucking, “Please, please, please…” whining as Suguru’s grip tightens once more, sweat dripping from you onto Suguru abdomen, from Satoru’s brow to your bellybutton, “Cum for me.”

They exchange a look, Suguru reluctant but sated, Satoru willing and proud. You’re mumbling now, a mishmash of Suguru and Satoru and Can’t take it, pain blossoming stronger than before as their thrusts hasten, a sloppy finger rushing back and forth on your clit creating minimal relief, fierce and implacable as it coaxes a final, mangled orgasm from you. You manage a broken sob as you climax on their cocks, Suguru immediately releasing your limbs, his arms hugging sturdy and devoted around your shuddering frame, cum flooding your holes as they synch their highs. Suguru is silent when he cums, labored exhales the only indiction of his effort, teeth marking your neck with soon-to-fade divots. And Satoru is loud. Cursing and groaning while he pumps load after load into your swollen pussy, your folds a creamy mess as he fucks his cum out of you, spurred on by Suguru’s low growl when his spend inevitably leaks onto Suguru’s cock.

Satoru pulls out first, eager to watch their cum dribble from your holes, Suguru following shortly after. They unceremoniously readjust your depleted form, slumped ass off the couch, tits resting in the dampness left by Suguru’s body. Brown eyes glinting, Suguru uses his foot to nudge your legs apart, snickering as cum promptly oozes from your cunt and ass to the floor. Satisfying strings stick to your inner thighs, air escaping your pussy with a quiet queefing sound, a wet farting noise making Satoru giggle as your asshole gapes, bubbling with cum.

“So where does this leave us?” Satoru piques, kneeling to jab greedily at your cunt, pushing his cum back into your hole with a lewd schlick, chuckling when you clench weakly, struggling to keep it in, “She’s a loose bitch now.”

“Dunno,” Suguru glances away, arms crossing, “We should get dressed.”

“One moment,” Satoru grins, knees hitting the ground with a soft thud as he spreads your asscheeks with his palms, licking nastily at his lips, “I want a taste.”

Suguru scoffs, watching with morbid curiosity as Satoru flicks the tip of his tongue across your cunt, your protesting whimper lost beneath his giddy moan, cum coating his mouth. Locating his briefs, Suguru slowly clothes himself as Satoru dutifully cleans your pussy, licking himself from your quivering folds and bud, sticking his tongue hungrily into your hole as cum drools down his chin, smirking to himself as a nearly imperceivable orgasm shivers through your body. As Suguru zips his pants, Satoru traverses to your gaping asshole, Suguru’s cock feebly attempting to harden again when Satoru locks eyes with him, mouth covering your hole before he pointedly sucks.

“You’re fucking nasty,” Suguru grumbles, tossing Satoru his underwear.

Satoru hums pleasantly, the vibrations causing you to involuntarily buck your hips into the couch, cum trailing from your ass to the backs of your knees.

“And that’s why she needs both of us,” Satoru quips, nuzzling your asscheek with a smug smile, your head raising slightly at his affection, “That’s why she loves both of us.”

—

“There were easier ways to arrange a threesome than falling in love with Satoru,” Suguru mutters, eyeing your post shower glow with resigned endearment.

“But would they have been as fun?” you ask, pressing a fond kiss to his forehead.

“Nah, definitely not!” Satoru declares, arms slinging over Suguru’s shoulder and around your waist, “And by the way, I’m flattered.”

I love you Suguru murmurs into your hair, flicking Satoru’s ear beyond the edge of your vision. And I love you you trace into his hand, fingers intertwined against Satoru’s lower back.

[ghostlywhiskey]

Simon “Ghost” Riley - Love of My Life (Simon’s POV)

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,012

Warnings: MDNI 18+ ☆ grinding, fingering, spitting, unprotected sex - If anything else let me know - I'm slightly brain dead writing this.

Summary: Simon comes to your apartment to end things between you.

A/N: Fueled by the song that is my top song of all time on Spotify tee hee. Babies…we know the drill. My proofreading is always little to none. This one took forever because I struggled writing the smut for this, but cheers xoxo.

find my masterlist here

Baby, you were the love of my life, woah Maybe you don't know what's lost 'til you find it

“Hey.” My voice sounds so fucking small and pathetic standing in the doorway of her apartment, hands in the pockets of my jeans. “Hey.” She repeats, moving out of the way to let me walk inside.

Somehow trying to breathe while getting waterboarded is easier compared to trying to breathe with the tension in the air between us. 

Walking inside, I kick my shoes off as she closes the door and walks toward her room. Quietly following her it feels like walking with a ball and chain around both ankles. My body is trying to prevent me from going into her room because it’s trying to reject what it already knows. 

She sits down on her bed and I shrug off my jacket, letting it hang off the back of her desk chair as I sit down on it. The silence hangs over us, she’s looking down at her hands. The way she fidgets with her rings indicates she’s nervous. It’s my fault, I’m the one who told her we had to talk. 

“An-” Stopping myself before I say ‘angel’. Not the time. Never again actually. She glances up at me, chuckling softly. “Well, that gives me an idea of where this is going.” The sound of her voice lower than normal, sadness weighing down her vocal cords. The thing is, I can’t even deny her comment. Part of me wants to just say, ‘No, angel. Don’t assume that. We’re fine.’ - but, it would be a fucking lie if I did.

“This would be the part where you disagree with what I’m thinking.” Shaking my head, my eyes meet hers. “But the other part you know I’m going to agree with.” I point out, quickly shooting down any hope as if it was an enemy target. “Then just say it, dammit.” Something snaps in her, I’m the reason for it.

I’m also the reason she lays awake crying when I’m away on missions. The reason she doesn’t have a normal boyfriend who can see her more often than not. The reason she’s left anxious when I don’t reply to a text or a call in a certain amount of time. The reason she feels more alone despite having a man who has loved her more than anything in this life. I wish I didn’t live up to the name ‘Ghost’ when it comes to her, but it’s the one mission I’ve failed.

“I’m letting you go.” The only words I’m able to get out. Because there isn't anything else to say, to me it is as simple as that. She blinks a few times, processing the four words that left my mouth. “Letting me go?” She re-states, confirming what I just said. “Yeah.” I’m detaching my emotions from my words. 

I take you with me every time I go away

The polaroid sat snug between my fingers. It’s replaced the pack of cigarettes I’d once itch to reach for and drag ‘til it was time for another. How is a little image the only thing that relieves any ounce of stress in my body? From one addiction to another, somehow this one feels a lot  deadlier. If only she was as accessible as a pack of cigarettes. She tastes a hell of a lot sweeter between my lips that's for sure. Maybe that’s why this addiction is worse - having a taste every now and then has me crawling back home for more. 

Fuck this shit. I’m fucked. 

Soap nudges my arm, my attention pulled from the drug of choice in my hand. “Is that who I ‘tink it is?” He questions me. The bloody Scot knows the answer to his question. “Oi, why you asking questions you know the answer to?” A grin forms on his face. “Never thought I’d see ‘da day you look fuckin’ smitten is all. Even behind the mask it’s obvious.” And thank fuck for the mask or he’d see I look like I’ve got the worst sunburn of my life. 

“You and me both it seems.” My attention went back to the polaroid, now held between my thumb and pointer finger. Brushing my thumb across the picture of her is like opening flood gates for my mind to imagine she’s right here. As if brushing my thumb over it would have her appear like a genie from a bottle. 

If only it were that fucking easy. 

I remember back at Johnny's place, it's not the same anymore

“Johnny, I’m not a party person.” I state into his ear as I’m trying to leave his apartment. The apartment had slowly filled with people for his birthday, but I was ready to jump out the window. “No, you’ve got to stay!” He protested, putting an arm around my neck. I huff, glancing at him. “One more hour and I’m gone.” Smiling wide, he cheered. “Let’s fuckin’ go!” 

“I need a fuckin’ drink.” The words coming out of my mouth as I walk to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of whiskey. A girl sits on the counter, a cup in her hand as she stares at the crowd of people filling the living room. She looks uncomfortable, but that isn’t my problem. I grab a plastic cup, pouring some whiskey. 

“Are you a dad?” Her voice fills the kitchen. A dad? My brows furrow, turning to look at her. “The whiskey. That’s your drink of choice?” She asks, glancing at the cup before her eyes meet mine. “What?” The confused tone laced in my words. “All the old men in my life drink whiskey.” She slides off the counter, walking over to me. “Well, I’m not in your life. Or old.” I huff, glancing at her cup and nod towards it. “What’s your drink of choice?” 

She smiles, turning the cup upside down over the sink. “Nothing, just pretending.” She chuckles. “I’m the driver tonight since I didn’t even want to be here.” Well, that makes two of us. “You know Soap?” Her expression turns into a confused one, quickly correcting my mistake. “I mean John.” Only then does she nod. “My friend is seeing him, which is why I’m here in the kitchen hiding out. I don’t know anyone out there.” Now, I can’t help but smile. “Mind if I hide with you in here?” I chuckle, sipping the whiskey. 

“If you drink that whiskey, absolutely I mind. But I guess you’re in my life now, so you get a pass.” She teases.

It's unfortunate, ooh Just coordinates, ooh

“Hi, Simon.” Her voice easing every tense muscle in my body, coming undone like a child ripping a Christmas present open with urgency. “Hi, angel.” Responding to her as I hold the phone between my ear and shoulder, sitting down on the bed to undo my boots. “How was your day?” 

“Hmm,” She hums, the sound of her shifting in her sheets fills my ear as I wait for the response. “It was okay, nothing exciting.”

“Where are you this time?” She’s forcing herself to stay awake, I can hear it in her voice. Moments like this I feel selfish having her in my life. Is it selfish? Selfish to love someone who hears your voice over a phone more than they hear it raw and undistorted face-to-face. It has to be. “Mexico. It’s hot a shit.” I mutter, kicking my boots off. Her giggle on the other end puts the first smile on my face today. “What’s so funny, huh?” My brows furrow, grabbing the phone as the floor becomes the fixation of my gaze. The giggle fading as she starts to speak, “I think it’s funny I’m more concerned of you getting heat stroke with that damn mask than anything else.”

“No need to be concerned.” A stupid, dopey smile forms on my face despite how stern my voice sounds. “Easier said than done.” Her response is quick, no thought behind it or second guessing it. A sigh escapes my lips,  “Angel, I mean it. Don’t be concerned.” My eyes wander around the room as I wait for her reply. Why is she so quiet all of a sudden? “Angel?”

“Yeah? Sorry, I zoned out for a second.” The sound of her sniffle followed by a nervous laugh tells me enough. She couldn’t hide her emotions if her life depended on it. “Please don’t cry.” My own voice is strained, every time she gets upset I feel worse about having her in my life. “Don’t tell me what to do, Lieutenant.” She teases, but her laugh this time just sounds sad. My upper body falls back against the mattress as I stare up at the ceiling. “Too bad. I’m telling you what to do.” 

“Simon?” How do I tell her I want to hear her say my name for the rest of my life? “Yeah, baby?” I responded. “I miss you.” Fuck. My throat feels like someone is tightening a rope around it. Why can’t they just fucking cut my air supply off while they are at it? 

The rope loosens, the air coming back into my lungs as I inhale and exhale out. “I miss you too.” My free hand runs down my face, dragging down to rest itself on my chest. “I’ll be home soon, yeah? Then it will just be us. How does that sound?” The thump beneath my fingers intensifies. Closing my eyes for a moment, I focus on the heartbeat. The thought of her next to me. Hiding us from the world in the confines of my apartment walls. I’m not a religious man, but that sounds like heaven. Would God let me in? Would he let me stay? I’m not deserving of either option. But, I’m getting on my knees and fucking praying for at least a few moments.

“It sounds like a plan to me.” Finally, I can tell she’s smiling again on the other side of the phone. 

Baby, you were the love of my life, woah Maybe you don't know what's lost 'til you find it

I think standing on the edge of a cliff would ignite less anxiety in me than sitting on the edge of her right now. The familiarity of being close to death is far more comforting than the unfamiliarity of breaking my own heart so she can live life finding the love she deserves. My legs spread as my elbows rest on my thighs, running my hands through my hair. 

We’ve been going back and forth arguing about breaking up for the past hour now. “So, that’s it?” Her voice punched me back into reality as I looked at her across the room. Her arms crossed as she leaned against her desk.

No. I don’t want it to be. But, I can’t be selfish. You deserve better. 

“That’s it.” I confirm her question, the words coming out of me and taste as bitter as vomit. Except I want to swallow the vomit back up. My eyes go back down to the floor between my feet, scared if I look back at her I’ll swallow the vomit back up. And I can’t.

Her breathing is soft in the dark bedroom, it’s the only sound mixed with my own breathing. And the blood I hear pumping through my body at an alarming rate. “Could I have done anything differently that would have avoided this?” 

God dammit, angel. You were never the problem. 

“Stop that. Don’t think for a second you’re to blame.” Just look at her, stop looking at the floor, dickhead. “Look me in the eyes and say that then.” Her voice strained, my head tilted up to look at her. Sighing, I push myself off the bed, jumping off the cliff. In a few steps, I’m standing in front of her. My hand slips past her neck, slipping behind her head as my fingers tangle in her hair. 

Gently, the hand tugs her hair gently for her to look up at me. “I’m lookin’ at you and I’m tellin’ you that you couldn’t have done anything.” It feels like her eyes are peeling every layer of me back, trying to look for any sign that I’m regretting this deep down. “You’re never gonna get what you deserve from me.” The sound of my voice breaking at the end is the first time I’ve let it show emotion tonight. The tears slowly built up in her eyes, my gaze locked on her. She knows I’m right. Again, it’s just something she doesn’t want to admit. “Simon.” Her voice breaks the same time the first tear slides down her cheek.  

My hand slips from behind her head, both of them moving to cup her face. “Angel.” I finally just pull the fucking bandaid off and say my nickname for her after avoiding it this entire time. My head leans down to rest my forehead against hers, her own hands moved to my face. “Please don’t do this. Don’t leave me.” She begs. Thumbs wiping her tears as they cascade down. “I need to, angel. I need to.” I don’t want to, but I never deserved you. The gentle tug of my head caused by her hands, lips connecting with mine. 

She tastes so sweet between my lips, just how I always remember she tastes. But this time it’s mixed with the salty taste of her tears. 

She steps forward, causing me to step back. She keeps walking until my legs hit the bed, my body accepts the fact I can’t move back anymore and drops down to it. Pulling her onto my lap, her arms snake around my neck. The kiss never breaks. I think we’re both scared that if we stop that one of us will try to convince the other we can’t do this. My hands slip under her shirt, one on her waist while the other reaches behind her to unclasp her bra.

My hand stops as my fingers graze the clasp. Don’t do it. Fucking hell, don’t. The tips of my fingers rubbing the clasp to get a feel for it, like I’m trying to pick a lock. The wings of the bra separating as my fingers unclasp the hook. Successfully, the lock has been picked. Once undone, my hands move to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up. Only then do our lips separate to let the shirt pass through and give us a chance to catch our breaths. We aren’t scared this time to separate, knowing we won’t stop each other. As I pull her shirt off, she slides the bra straps down her arms and flings it to the floor. 

While we are separated, I take the opportunity to remove my own shirt. Our clothes started to pile on the floor as we discarded them. Her chest pressing against mine as she moves back in to kiss me, her hips moving against me. Her skin is always so cold, it sends chills up my spine when it comes in contact with my own. My hands slip down to her hips, grabbing them as I help her move against me back and forth.

The only sound besides our kisses are the soft groans building in my throat, my pants becoming a straight jacket against my crotch the longer she grinds against me. “Get rid of the fucking clothes, fuck.” I mutter against her lips, pushing her off my lap as she stumbles to catch her balance. Reaching back out to pull her to stand between my legs, hands on either side of her thighs, running them up to the waistband of her leggings. My head leaning in to place kisses on her stomach, glancing up at her. Her own hands glide through my hair before she gently tugs, another groan leaving my as I pull the leggings down along with her panties. 

It’s shitty for me to give into this. I know it is. It opens the door for us to forget about the conversation we just had, but I’m not forgetting it. I’m leaving after this.

Fingers gently graze her core, her heat radiating as I spread her folds open. My own palm faces me as her already wet cunt is begging for something to clench around as my ring and index finger rub back and forth between her folds. “Always so f’ckin’ ready.” Our eyes are not moving to look away from each other as her hands tug my hair to keep me looking up at her. “Stop teasing. Please.” She begs, her thighs trying to squeeze together but my knee moving to keep her legs separated. “You know how much I like to see you dripping before I even fuck you.” She whines at my response, but it amplifies louder as the two fingers push into her. Her knees slightly bend, causing a chuckle to escape my lips. “Weak at the knees, are you?” Teasing, I kiss her stomach again. “Ngh..” She groans, her hand reaching to grab my wrist. 

Not fighting her back, she pulls my hand away, fingers already coated in her juices. I love how responsive her body is for me. Good luck to the next bastard who has to try and compete with the memory I leave her body with.

As she pulls my hand away, I tug it out of her grasp, slipping the fingers into my mouth to clean. A soft hum against my fingers. So sweet. Once satisfied, my pants are pulled down and I stand up to shrug them off my ankles. Both completely bare now, my arms move to pick her up to move her onto her bed. Hovering over her as she lays on the bed, I push her legs apart and settle between her legs. Like muscle memory, her legs bend slightly and lift to rest her heels on my lower back. 

Supporting myself up, my palms rested by her forearms, but one hand moved to rest over her mouth for a brief moment. “Spit.” And just like the good girl she is, she spits on my palm as some of it drips down her chin. My palm coming up to my mouth as I also spit on it before reaching down to pump my cock. Guiding it to her folds, the tip teases her as I move my cock with my hand to slide between her folds and move side to side to tease her. Her whine again fills my ears, a smirk turns my blank expression into a mischievous one. “Say what you want.” Another order directed to her, her hips lift slightly as she grabs my forearm with one hand. “Fuck me, Simon.” All I needed to hear right now, fuck the teasing is the only thought in my head as I position myself. My hand dropped back to her side as I held myself up and thrusted into her. 

Her initial cry out from the pressure filling her always sends me over the edge. I swear it might be enough to make me fill her right then and there most times. “Perfect fuckin’ fit.” I grumble, my head leaning down to kiss her. Her lips meet mine before I even make it all the way down to her, her hand reaching around my head to pull me closer. The moans from her echoing into my head as she kissed me. Palms now fisting the sheets in my hands, my hips thrust into her roughly. 

Rough and slow - just how she likes it. Finding a rhythm, I stick to it and hold for a few moments every time my hips meet her skin. Burying myself in her like I’m digging my grave, except this won’t be my final resting place. I pull from the kiss, looking down at her. “Eyes on me, got it?” She nods, her eyes only closing for a moment as I thrust into her again and drag out slowly before repeating my thrust just as my tip is on the edge of losing contact with her. She whimpers, and I grab her face in my hands. “Eyes.” I hiss, her eyes opening immediately to stare at me. Her lips spread open slightly as she pulls in oxygen and exhales a moan. My grip on her face releasing, her lips parting more now that she can let air in and out easier now. “Simon.” Her voice drags out the ‘-on’, my eyes watching her as she moans my name. “You sound like an angel, you know that? You say my name like it’s a prayer.” Except I can’t answer her prayers, and I know tonight they revolve around hoping I stay.

Her cheeks look like pink paint has spilled over them, she’s never been one to blush at actions, but she acted as if my words were the sweetest thing she ever heard. “You’re so gorgeous.” My voice is barely a whisper, but it’s quickly covered by a groan as I feel her pulsating around my cock. The way her hands cup my face as my own eyes close, now she demands my eye contact to stay on her. “I love you, Simon.” She chokes out as my eyes open and look at her.

My pupils are already larger to adjust to the dark room, but I’m damn near positive they must look blown out when she says those words. I can’t say it back. We’ve never said it out loud. I’m not saying it now. So, I lean down to kiss her instead, a hand reaching down to grab her waist as I push both of us closer to climaxing. My lips pull from hers as I move town to her neck, kissing her skin. I can’t look at her now.

“I-I’m…Simon…more.” She begs, her arms wrapping around me, her nails dig into my back. Another hiss leaves my mouth as I feel her nails dig into my skin as I kiss her neck. “Angel.” I groan, my thrusts getting sloppy. The hand on her waist moves to her lower abdomen, pushing gently. Time to finish her off.

The squishing noises fill the room as she cries out from her climax that hits her. My own following after as I pull my head from her neck and look at her head leaning back in pleasure. My thrusts go until I feel the last bit of cum spill into her, pulling out of her and collapsing on the bed next to her.

It's not what I wanted, to leave you behind Don't know where you'll land when you fly

The room is quiet, her soft breathing tickling my chest as she sleeps peacefully. My eyes are looking up at the ceiling as I try to shut off my brain and the pros and cons list forming in my head if I stay. I need to leave.

Glancing at her sleeping, I closed my eyes for a minute. Am I preparing myself to leave or remembering the image of her like this? Who am I kidding, I’ll remember her face for the rest of my life. Opening them again, my body carefully slips out of the bed. She stirs slightly, but just rolls over on her other side as she pulls the blankets closer to her body. 

Collecting my discarded clothes, I re-dress myself after the events of the night. My feet quietly walk to the edge of the bed her body is facing, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “For the best.” I whisper, standing back up straight. She doesn’t move awake, but a soft smile forms on her face while she sleeps.

Fuck. I need to get out of here. And with that, I slip out of her room and the apartment. My hands are buried in my jacket pockets as I take the elevator down, eyes fixated on the doors. I’m breaking her heart, but it doesn’t mean mine is breaking any less. I love her.

But, baby, you were the love of my life

[arielleslipgloss]

It Girl Habits!!

(none of these photos are mine)

“You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours.” - Anne Hathaway

Stay busy!! Do you see those it girls like Serena Van Der Woodsen scrolling on their phone all day? No, you rarely do. It girls are always busy doing something. So, therefore do some self care, study, workout, read, journal, go shopping, go on solo dates, hang out with friends, paint, have a dance party, etc. Do fun activities and take care of yourself. Another example of a busy it girl is, Elle Woods. Elle Woods wasn’t becoming one with the couch everyday. She had goals to achieve. She had people that doubted her to prove wrong. So get up! Start planning out your day or week. Start making goals!!

Have goals! You wanna know why you’re bored all the time? Well, it’s because you have no goals. You practically don’t have a life because all you do is sleep, eat, scroll, and repeat. You’re wasting time doing nothing. You could’ve had a clean room by now. Maybe you could have finished that book. Whatever it is, you could have had it. You could’ve been 1% better than yesterday. You don’t though because you have no goals. That time you’re wasting, can be used toward your goals. It can be used toward your dream life. Maybe, you do have goals? Yet you don’t even take action. What are you waiting for? For someone to do the work for you? No, get up and start taking action.

Be mindful of what you consume online!! Just like how who you surround yourself with affects you. What you consume online affects how and who you are. For example, listening to sad music makes you feel sad. Music is meant to tell a story that you feel deeply. You may not even relate to the song, but you feel as if you do. So, you become sad and continue to listen to sad music. When listening to uplifting music you gain confidence. You still feel like you relate to the song. Just with a more positive effect. As for what you watch and read. Don’t read/watch stuff that will put you down. Watch/read content that will help you.

Complimenting yourself every time you pass the mirror!! Some may say it’s cringy, but DO IT. Would you rather be cringy or be the best version of yourself? Exactly, so either say it out loud or in your head. Say it even if you might not believe it. Say it because you deserve it! Try to be creative with your compliments. Not all compliments have to be about your looks. It could be your personality, your thoughtfulness, how creative you are, etc. Also loosen up, be your own hype girl. When you see the mirror you could say, “Omg I look like the main character.” “Oh wait, I am!” Lastly, don’t forget to have fun with hyping yourself up.

Mediating or journaling when stressed!! When stressed we start to feel a lot of tension. So, that’s why meditating is so important to do when stressed. All you have to do is sit down and focus on breathing. Plus, It calms down your nerves, relaxes the mind, body, and soul. Not just that, but plenty of other benefits. Which includes, helps focus, betters mood, helps you sleep, slows down aging, etc. As for journaling, it’s practically free therapy! That is, at least in my eyes. All you need is a notebook, a pen or pencil, and yourself. Journal what’s making you stressed or anxious. Let all your emotions out, write freely. Your words don’t have to make sense. Nor do you need to have perfect writing. In fact, when you journal it may be all over the place. However or whatever you write, just let it out.

Expressing your gratitude!! Life is so beautiful and has so much meaning. So, either write down what you’re grateful for or thank God. You are so blessed to be here today. That is only just one thing to be grateful for. There are so many things to be grateful for, air, family, friends, your mind, being born as you, water, books, food, shoes, clothes, and so much more!! Express your gratitude everyday. It could be the most random thing like, a poster. As long as you’re truly grateful, then express it.

7. Having a low screen time!! Cliché, I know but it’s true. Your devices are consuming you. Think about what you use your device(s) for. Good examples are, for work, for motivation, tips, workout videos, inspiration, knowledge, and maybe even faith reasons. Now here are bad examples, procrastinating, sinning, hating on others, scrolling, because you’re bored, to watching videos of people that make you insecure, and lastly to cope with something. Which to clarify, trying to cope by using your phone, I understand somewhat. On the other hand, it could make what you’re coping with worse. I say that because there are so many studies on why our phone is bad for us. Seriously, so many and we are completely unaware of the damage it does. So for that reason, try to use your phone only for the good. I know you’re probably going to make an excuse. Which we all do and that’s ok, but please try.

8. Encouraging yourself to do better!! You should always be working hard to be 1% better everyday. So on the days you don’t feel like doing anything, encourage yourself. Show up for yourself, you will be so happy after. Lastly, trust yourself to get whatever done!!

9. Having a healthy sleep schedule!! For me, I try to aim for 8-11 hours of sleep. For others, it may be 7-10 hours of sleep. Whatever makes you feel the most well-rested should work. Just try to be consistent and mindful of the time. I also recommend to be off your phone for at least 30-60 minutes before going to bed. It will improve how you sleep a lot. That also being said, try not to be on your phone when you wake up either. It’ll help improve your health by a lot. Especially, the health of your brain and eyes. As I had mentioned, try to be consistent. Set a certain time to go to bed and turn off your phone. Then, get your lovely beauty sleep gorgeous!!

10. CLEANING!! The last habit is, cleaning. Now, I don’t just meaning cleaning your room or house. I mean even your body and mind. For starters, a clean room equals a clean mind. Therefore, stop procrastinating and start cleaning. Turn on some fun music and maybe even romanticize cleaning. Just make it fun and DEEP clean. I know someone reading this has been procrastinating on cleaning. You know who you are, so clean everything. Then, for cleaning the mind a little extra meditate. I feel like I already went over a bit about meditation. So lastly, for the body, take your showers consistently. Also, please wear deodorant. I see way too many people nowadays not wearing deodorant. Seriously, wear your deodorant.

“Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara on.” - Paris Hilton

Remember, always apply lip gloss and stay pretty! Love you, dolls 💋

Info I used: https://reallifecounseling.us/blog/benefits-of-meditation

My Pinterest: @arielleslipgloss

[onlygrapejuice]

Hey can i request a quick blurb of dadrry x baby boy! maybe something where baby boy is jealous of harry giving the reader any time of lovin and they both start fighting for the readers attention… thank you <3

A/N: I’m finally back! I’ve been quite busy lately and I finally got my old, rather beaten up laptop replaced so I can finally write properly. I’m quite sad that I didn’t get some pieces out before tour ended, but the last few shows have given me heaps of inspiration, so stay tuned. I’m not entirely sure I like this piece and I feel a little rusty, but hey, it’s just good to be back

This request was a great way to get back into things and I’m so sorry it took a while to complete! It doesn’t perfectly follow your request but I hope you’ll still enjoy it and feel free to leave (helpful, not mean) feedback

Warnings: Should be none, there is a tiny bit of insecure Harry, but it’s mostly fluff

Word count: 1150

You know Harry is feeling stressed when the first thing he does when walking in the door is to march straight for you, grabby hands out, practically begging for a hug. He looks tired, his face far more pale than usual and concern curls in your gut. He’s been working extra hard lately, in hopes that he can get things out of the way so he can spend time with you and your baby boy. He’d admitted to you recently that he hardly feels like a parent, and it feels like he leaves you to do most of the work while he works all day. You’ve reassured him many times that it didn't feel that way and that he was simply a busy man, but to no avail. And now, he looked too tired to be able to spend much time with either of you anyway.

You were quick to curl him into your arms, tucking his face into the crook of your neck as he hums tiredly. “Missed you.” He’s gone slightly limp in your grip as he slurs out the words and you hide your smile in his messy curls, scratching lightly at his scalp with a free hand, Harry practically purring in your hold. “You saw me this morning.” He whines slightly, pulling back to glower at you playfully, but the effect is slightly lost as he yawns suddenly. “And that's-” He yawns again, shoulders slumping. “Too long.” You give him a fond look as he blinks back at you tiredly, and you're about to coax him upstairs and into a warm bath when a cry breaks the air. In an instant, Harry looks wide awake and panicked, mildly startled at the noise. You’re quick to reassure him as you begin to hurry to the stairs, another wail from your baby boy breaking through the air. “He’ll just be waking from his nap, love. No need to panic.” Harry huffs good-naturedly behind you on the stairs, muttering softly under his breath. “Little bugger knew I got home and didn't want to share his Mumma.” You scoff, glancing over your shoulder as you reach the top of the stairs, Harry sniggering behind you. “He’s a baby Harry.”

*************************************************

You’re starting to think that Harry is on to something about your baby boy not wanting to share you. Yesterday he practically shrieked when Harry tried to cuddle up to you on the couch while you rocked him in your arms. And the day before that, he had whined loudly and squirmed when you tried to settle him down in his dad’s hold. But Harry had been quick to lift him up and blow raspberries on his tummy and that had seemed to placate him, at least for a little while. But you were certainly more aware of your two boys’ apparent competition for your attention. Which brings you to this moment, outside on an uncharacteristically sunny London day.

Harry had insisted on taking him for a little while so you could get some time to enjoy the lovely day since they had been so few and far between lately. You’d been quick to agree, knowing that Harry was anxious that he wasn't spending enough time with your bubba and that it felt like he hadn’t been a proper dad in ages. That simply wasn't true, but you knew some Daddy - son bonding time would make both of them happy, and maybe they wouldn't be competing so much for your attention once your baby boy spent some time with his dad and remembered that he loved him just as much as you did. And you supposed you were looking forward to some sunshine and ‘me time’ as well.

You were snoozing lightly in the sunshine, skin drying after a rather relaxing dip in the pool when Harry padded outside, bubba strapped to his chest. You were sprawled across a sun lounger on your back, eyes covered by a pair of sunglasses and clad only in your swimsuit. Harry smiled softly at how relaxed you looked as he wandered closer and he hoped you weren't too annoyed by his intrusion. Your baby boy gurgled happily at the sight of you as Harry sat down on the sun lounger next to yours, running a large hand up your thigh to rouse you. You jerked slightly before pushing your sunglasses back and smiling up at him. “Hello, you two.” He grinned, moving his hand to brush some rouge strands of hair from your face as you cooed at the beaming baby strapped to his chest. “Are you enjoying spending time with your Daddy? Hmmm? Having fun? I think you are.” Your baby boy simply gurgled back at you in response, but he was doing his ‘happy wiggles’ which told you enough about his mood.

“I think he’s just happy to see you.” You glance up at Harry in surprise, his slightly teasing words hiding an undertone of insecurity. “Hey, *hey*.” You quickly cup his face in your hand as he tries to avoid eye contact, suddenly looking nervous. “He loves you just as much as he loves me, you know that. I mean, sure, he certainly makes a lot of noise and smiles when he sees me, but I'm pretty sure he’s thinking about the fact I’ll feed him soon more than anything else.” That makes Harry crack a weak smile and you brush your thumb over his cheekbone with fondness before shifting to sit up and face him. “You, Harry Styles, are a wonderful father. Yes, you have a less-than-conventional job that can make things a little difficult, but we make things work. And you plan everything meticulously so that you can get the most time with the both of us as possible. You support me so much and I swear, you are the only person that can get him to settle when he’s teething. I don't know what I’d do without you.” His smile turns a little watery then and you coo at him, hands cupping his face and fingers quickly brushing away his tears. You lean him to press a short, but no less loving, kiss on his lips, pulling back when a squeal erupts from between the both of you. But your baby boy doesn't look outraged at the display of affection, unlike how he’s acted over the past few days, he's gurgling and cooing happily up at the two of you. Harry grins down at him, bopping him quickly on the end of his nose, sending him into fits of giggles. “Oh, now you’re letting me love on your Mummy. Just wanted to stress out your poor old dad, didn't you, you little monkey.” He bursts into fits of giggles again as Harry begins to tickle his sides gently. You smile warmly at the scene in front of you, forever grateful for your little family of three.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

for writing requests, the chain givin wars a big ol group hug and letting him cry cus let’s be honest bro is not holding up well

Sunsets were always Sky’s favorite.

It was strange, how much a moment in time could change something like that, though. A few evenings ago, the sunset was stained blood read, dripping with anguish and fear, held together by a firm hand and guidance. It hadn’t come from their leader, however - the Hero of Time had been completely consumed by worry over Twilight’s condition, and Sky hadn’t blamed him for it, particularly after finding out they had a blood connection.

But after that initial horrifying sunset, Sky found that the dusk brought only exhaustion and melancholy, a worry that there would be another sunset that would stain the sky with blood.

Sighing, the young knight glanced out his window and saw the person he’d been looking for. While Time had been by Twilight’s side that entire evening, there had been another Hero who everyone had heavily relied on. Sky had tried to mediate and help as best he could as well, but he paled in comparison, certainly in terms of leadership capabilities.

But everything had a toll. Sky could see it well enough.

Exiting the inn, Sky heard the gentle serenade of crickets filling the air as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. The town was not as peaceful and quiet as camping out in the woods, but it held a warm sense of safety that they usually didn’t have the luxury to enjoy. Any town gave Sky a small degree of anxiety, as they were all foreign to him, but settlements like this put the captain at ease far more than anyone else.

At least Sky knew Warriors could get some peace somewhere. It was obvious the man was trying to seek it.

Warriors heard Sky’s approach, turning his head slightly. His sharp eyes were analyzing him in an instant.

“Hey,” Sky greeted softly, trying to settle the man’s worries; he’d been on high alert ever since Twilight’s injury, and he’d yet to calm down. It had been three days since then. “I just wanted to check on you.”

Warriors blinked, baffled a moment, not expecting such a remark, and then he huffed out a small laugh. “Me? I’m alright. Are you?”

Him? Sky was fine. Sky was always fine. He honestly didn’t feel much of anything anymore, except that sunsets made him anxious. He hoped that would settle eventually, as he did love them. “I’m okay. But I just… you’ve been on edge, you know. Since everything. Do you… our Ordonian is going to be okay now. They said so. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that,” Warriors replied, his smile fading, voice growing slightly snappish.

“It’s just… you’re not acting like you know that,” Sky continued carefully. “You’re… anything sets you off. Everything has to be in perfect order, everyone has to be on their best behavior. You know? I just… wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Warriors watched him for a long time, face blank. His eyes steadily moved downward until they were staring at nothing, boring a hole in the cobblestone beneath Sky’s feet. The Skyloftian waited patiently, knowing when to be silent and let someone else process. Eventually, the captain sighed heavily.

“You were a great help that night,” Warriors said softly. “I wanted to thank you.”

“It was nothing,” Sky brushed off. “That’s not answering my question.”

Warriors huffed ruefully in response. “You’re not usually this persistent.”

“No,” Sky admitted. “But I’m not usually this worried, either.”

The captain’s eyes finally snapped back up to meet Sky’s. His stony expression softened, and he smiled gently. “I said I’m alright.”

“You can be, yeah,” Sky commented. “Like… you don’t have to wrangle everyone in now, you know. I’m here. Our leader’s getting back into, well… leading. It’s okay to step back.”

Something in the captain’s expression wasn’t quite readable, a kind of strange gentle amusement and haunting sadness. Sky wasn’t sure what to do about it. So he just walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Warriors seemed both inquisitive and slightly apprehensive at the touch, so Sky asked to be sure, “Can I hug you?”

The captain looked as if he didn’t even know what to say with such a request. He blinked once, twice, before a breathy laugh escaped his lips, eyes holding a tenderness to them that Sky wasn’t sure he’d ever seen in them. “Yeah. Yeah, you can.”

Sky smiled in return, leaning in and letting the captain wrap his arms around him. Sky gave what he received, not squeezing too tightly when Warriors’ embrace was hesitantly gentle. As they stood there, though, it seemed like the older knight settled into his predicament a bit more, letting himself relax as Sky held him tighter. Being a little shorter, Sky settled his ear against Warriors’ shoulder, and the gesture made the captain shift a little, resting his own head against Sky’s. His breath was shaky a moment, and Sky heard him swallow thickly.

It only lasted a few moments, but it was enough. Sky ached for the contact, honestly, and wished he could hug him more, but he knew better than to push the matter. Slowly, the two pulled apart. If Warriors’ face was a little more flushed than before, neither of them commented on it.

“Thanks, Sky,” the captain said quietly.

Sky’s smile was brighter than the sunset. “Anytime.”

[mono-dot-jpeg]

a child and their 9ft pet - astral express crew

summary; the adventures of a 7 year old and their large mythical beast called ossy.

genre/extra tags; bullet fic/headcanons, anxious! reader, reader is connected to most animals (but mostly their companion), reader is from the luofu, i made reader a bit know it all sassy but it's okay it's only for a little bit, reader is a smart baby

[platonic] [7 year old! reader] [gender neutral! reader]

[buy me a kofi to support!]

a/n; this is the most steven universe shit i've seen /j /nm, that's what popped into my mind upon reading this ask. nothing wrong with it. just pointing it out KSDJKSJ also this is based off lion dog from chinese mythology which is what i assume you were describing from the shih tzu and also im rather familiar with the lion dog myself as someone who used to visit temples with my family (love those statues). anyways, hope you enjoy, you didn't really specify what type of work you wanted, so i did bullet fic/hcs

the crew met you when you were trying to avoid them

you're not really normal in the luofu, you were not really an anomaly but you weren't a normal kid either.

the general knew of you due to your larger than life pet.

well... it was more of a beast of mythic lore turned real but who's arguing about definitions here?

even if your pet was in a smaller form, they were still pretty big. about 4ft. maybe twice your height almost

but jingyuan let you have your pet as long as you weren't making trouble

anyways, back to the actual subject at hand.

the astral crew needed to find you since you were supposedly the young scholar of the luofu who seemed to know everything and loved learning about everything

you were almost a historian some would even say

but you didn't really like the idea of being a historian

you just like learning about everything

but you weren't the best around people

so when you met the crew .. .

you jumped right into your pet's fur, disappearing without a trace

"HUH?!"

"how did they disappear like that?"

"did they just jump into that animal's fur?"

march tries to reach out, but the dog barks angrily and backs up

"okay okay! sorry.. puppy?"

"they're not a puppy!" your voice erupts from the soft fur of the dog (?) your head pops up startling the express crew, "they're a lion! get it right!" you scolded them.

"but they don't look like a lion."

"and you don't look like a local, so what's it to you!?" you huffed. "you don't know everything about the luofu!"

"that's why we're here. we need to know more about the history of your home." the eldest man, welt yang, spoke gently. "general jingyuan sent us."

you sigh as you cuddle into your pet's fur, still leaving the crew to wondering how you're being contained in it. "okay. what do you want to know?" and you begrudgingly answer their questions. you eventually leave your pet's fur and they keep your feeling less anxious about the strangers who imposed on your reading time.

and that's it for now.

the crew is mildly concerned and curious about you\

they spot you around different parts of the luofu as they continue their adventure.

let's say that they even had more time to get to know you better. how you're kind of a wild card for the luofu cloud knights and how you'd rather do a plain hobby than fight.

but you're perfectly capable of doing so

well, mostly your pet.

boy were they shocked when they saw your already large ish lion change and grow into a true creature of mythology, and fought the marastruck with ease.

"no chewing! marastruck isn't good for your diet!" you had scolded after the fight was over. "put them down ossy!" despite their cowering size, they almost shrink at your words and remind the crew of a sad puppy or cat. but ossy listens to you and spits out the marastruck, letting it disintegrate into the air.

yeah.. the crew was even more curious after that.

trailblazer was the only brave enough to speak what they were all thinking. what is your pet and how did you get them?

and you told them the simple story that you gained them as a family heirloom and bonded a contract with them. you even formed other contracts with other animals but not as strong as ossy's contract.

ossy was sort of a present from your family as you came from a line of mythic beast tamers and now you're here with them

and after that, you visit the express once in a while with ossy by your side to get a break from the streets of luofu

you take up your other hobbies when you're in the express, often knitting or drawing and you make drawings and little bracelets from the crew. while your drawings and knitting works arent as amazing as your knowledge, you don't mind because it just means more to learn and improve on.

you love being with the crew now and you love ossy more than ever of course!

[futbol16]

Our sister • Barcelona Femení

This is quite short and sad, I’m sorry about that.

Part 1 Hot Chocolate

Request: Would you maybe write a second part to Hot Chocolate? Where Y/N’s injury might be fatal and the  doctors tell the girls they might need to say goodbye to her, Ale, Mapi and Ana, Paños taking it worse than any other

Word count: 1k

When the bus finally parks near the hospital suddenly the team is filled with dread. The air is tense and no one dares to move a muscle until Jonatan stands up. 

It’s not a pretty sight as the whole Barca team clambers into the hospital’s waiting room and Alexia follows their coach to the receptionist. The lady barely looks up at them and she recognizes them, though it wasn’t too difficult as she recognizes the same crest on their shirt that sat over your heart.  

“You will have to wait a bit sir, she’s just recently been taken into the OR. Have a seat until then and I’ll call you as soon as I can” she kindly smiles at the two then the team as well but only a select few are able to muster up a smile to reciprocate the politeness. 

Half an hour later the team is restless. Ana’s leg bounces up and down as she impatiently waits while Sandra has basically chewed her fingers raw in her anxious state. The waiting room is silent as the team barely exchange words with each other, only looking up from the tiled floor when they hear a nurse walk down the corridor, hoping they are there to deliver good news about your well being.

Mapi suddenly stands, a hand over her stomach and Alexia’s eyes follow her before her legs do.

“Where are you going?” she whispers from next to the defender.

“I can’t do this, I feel like I’m going to throw up.” 

“Let’s go, we’ll wash this off while we wait” the brunette takes in the pale look of her best friend before her eyes drift to the smeared blood on her hands and she grabs ahold of her wrist to direct her to the restroom. 

Mapi doesn’t wait a second as she furiously starts rubbing the red off her skin, angry tears reappearing as she washes her hands. Alexia doesn’t know what to do as she watches on, desperately trying to hold back her own tears from falling. Eventually she lays a gentle hand on her back and Mapi turns to her with a start. 

“I don’t want her to go, I don’t want her to leave us.” the rushed whisper sounds like loud screams to Alexia as she inhales deeply and pulls Mapi into her embrace.

“Me either, but she’ll be okay. She won’t leave us.” the two stand in each other's warm embrace for a few more seconds until a quiet knock echoes through the small bathroom. Ana and Ingrid poke their heads in.

“The nurse is here, they have news on Y/N” instantly the pair spring apart and the four of them rush back to where a nurse is standing with the rest of their teammates. The flash of hope they felt dims as they notice the solemn expression the woman is wearing. 

“No” Mapi gasps out, a hand over her heart as she feels weak.

“I regret to inform you but unfortunately Y/N didn’t make it. She had a brain bleed and after resuscitating twice her body had given up.” several loud sobs are let out amongst the team and Irene falls back into her chair as she hears the news.

 No faces are left dry as the girls’ hearts break. 

“Can we say goodbye?” Marta is the one who gains the bit of strength to ask the question and with a small sympathetic smile the nurse nods and gestures to the rest to follow her. Sniffling and shuddering breaths are the only sounds coming from the girls as they walk the length of the corridor before the nurse opens the door of your room and lets them all in. 

Alexia feels her head spin at the sight of your lifeless body in the small hospital bed and she allows herself to feel, to cry as she no longer has a reason to stay strong. She rounds the bed as she stands by your side and the team watches in silence as she slowly lifts her hand and carefully traces your features with her fingers. You were still so young, so full of energy and to see you now, here and in this state.

 It’s all too much and as a sob breaks through her she hunches over your body and cries into the thin blanket laid over you. Seeing their captain so vulnerable and helpless starts a domino effect in the team and one by one they lower themselves to the floor, too exhausted and overwhelmed with the loss of their best friends, their sister to stay strong.

 Ana has pulled her shirt over her head and she hides from the world as salty tears roll down her cheeks. She can’t help but feel like she should’ve done more to protect you, though if you were still there you’d tell her how ridiculous that was and that her glaring had done way more than she would know. 

Mapi is a mess as she slides her hand into your cold one and she holds her breath for a second, closely looking at them. 

She hopes and begs you to make a move, to hold her hand, anything that would be an indication that you were okay and alive. But nothing. And stands above you and Alexia as she creates a puddle of tears below her. 

“It’s too short, 20 years is too short, it doesn't look real. She barely lived” the words hang heavy in the air and the Barca team stay in your room long after the sun has come up.

 It’s their last chance to be with you, their last chance to memorize the details of your precious face. 

Silence follows them everywhere as they mourn the loss of their sister. Without you the team would never feel whole again. 

Your death would leave a hole in them, in Barca, a hole that would never be filled because you’d never be back.

[mysteria157]

Chapter 19: Final

Pairing: Nanami Kento x Black Fem Reader

Word Count: ~12.4k (the last one I am in SHAMBLES)

CW: fluff, profanity, explicit sexual content, tears (from me, hopefully you too)

Summary: Things finally come together.

Notes: Thank you all so SO much for your support, for your kind words, for your likes and reblogs. It means so much just to hear one person tell me how much they loved my story. This was my first ever fic and I am so proud of it. It’s given me so much confidence and strength. I’m so sad to let this go, but I’m happy that I could close it well. Happy reading and I hope you enjoy!

Reblogs, likes, or comments are always appreciated &lt;3

Divider: @cafekitsune

Previous Chapter | Ao3 | JJK Masterlist

It Had To Be You Masterlist (Complete)

**Do not plagiarize any of my works or translate without my permission!**

“You’re quiet.”

Your voice startled Kento, causing his shoulders to briefly tense up before relaxing as he glanced up from the ball of dough in his hands. Since the early hours of the morning when you both had risen to prepare for the grand opening of his bakery, Kento had been unusually chatty, filled with excitement for the day ahead. However, as the opening hour approached, he began to fall quiet and you could see the subtle signs of anxiousness creep into his demeanor. He flinched again when you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to postpone the opening? We can if you’re not feeling ready.” It was an out that you knew he wouldn’t take, but the suggestion still let him know that you were paying attention. 

Turning to you, Kento leaned down to press a reassuring kiss to your lips, acknowledging his nervousness but finding comfort in your presence. 

“I’m a bit anxious, but I’ll be okay. As long as you’re here.”

And so an hour later, on a warm day in September, the bakery doors swung open to a line of eager customers and Kento like the gentleman he was, offered a soft smile and polite bow to each one. You had to peel him away from the door and shove him into the kitchen so he could stay focused. All of the goods that sat pretty and delicious in the glass display case beneath the register sold out in less than an hour and Kento and his coworkers were more than happy to make two more batches to meet the demand. 

Amidst the flurry of the successful opening, familiar faces arrived, injecting a touch of chaos into the serene atmosphere. Not even two steps into the bakery and Gojo was already demanding sweet bread. Kento was too euphoric with the day’s success to care and he kindly brought Gojo a plate of sweet bread if only to keep him quiet for a few minutes. 

Chiyo and Santo could only contain your daughter for a few seconds when they walked through the door. From the sight of her father, Ulani was squealing happily and yelling ‘Dadda!’ before wobbling across the bakery to her father who squatted down to pull her into his arms.

“Hello, my dove,” he cooed, planting a series of kisses on her cheeks that made her giggle loud into the bread-smelling air. 

Ulani of course wasn’t much help at the register, she was more interested in trying to repeat the commands her father gave her. At 14 months she could only really say a few words and understand the significance, but she loved to repeat as much as she could.

“Now we say ‘thank you, come again’,” Kento spoke softly in her hair, securing her back as she sat on the counter and handed one of the customers a receipt.

“Tank you! Umajain!”

He chuckled down at her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Close enough, dove.”

You kept your distance, knowing Kento was absorbed in the bustling operation of his business—greeting customers, overseeing the kitchen, and managing his employees. 

“Dadda is a natural, isn’t he?” you whispered in your daughter’s ear as she sat in your lap, her hands sticky with sweet bread. She dug her hands into what remained of her treat and stuffed a chubby hand in her mouth.

“Dadda make?” she asked, gesturing up at you with her wet and sticky hand. The blue clip in her hair was close to falling out and it hung by her ear on the tendril of a curl. She was a wild thing and you and Kento had both given up quite early trying to tame her. She would learn the world at her own pace, in her own time. It was just up to you and Kento to make sure she was safe and protected as she did so.

“Yes, Dadda made that. Is it good?” She hummed happily in response, stuffing more bread into her mouth. “Let’s wipe our hands off, baby.” You handed her a napkin, content to let her be as independent as possible even though she wiped her hands and mouth poorly. You snorted, taking over to wipe what she missed. 

Kento’s soft laughter echoed from the kitchen, something so rare and treasured that the thought of hearing it in public seemed so foreign to you. When you looked up in his direction, you were met with him behind the counter, leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen and his eyes already on you.

Before you could even offer a typical eyebrow lift of mirth, Ulani was wiggling from your lap and jumping to the floor—something you would probably have to start talking to her about before she hurt herself. Kento’s attention immediately shot to his daughter, and he scooped her up, carrying her away into the kitchen with only a wink in your direction.

The sun was setting by the time the ‘Closed’ sign was turned over on the glass doors of the bakery, painting the redone floors a rich orange that stretched the shadows of the large fiddle leaf in the corner across the entire floor. Chiyo had somehow conned you and Kento into allowing Ulani stay the night at her house and now, only your friends remained in the empty establishment.

“I would like to propose a toast!” Gojo spoke. Somehow, he managed to procure a small bottle of sake and shot glasses for all of you. “To Kento and the opening of his bakery. Yu would be—is very proud. Of course, 95% of this wouldn’t have even been possible without the future Mrs. Nanami but…Kento you finally got your dream. I’m proud of you and I know the rest of us are too. So, to Kento!” 

Kento didn’t bother to hide the dark blush on his cheeks, and he allowed a small smile to grace his face before lifting his glass in celebration.

“Are you ready to go, love?” Kento’s voice called from behind you an hour later. Your friends left a while ago, and you found yourself admiring Yu’s nerve plant on the windowsill while Kento wrapped things up in the kitchen. As you stopped tracing the leaves, you turned to face him. He was leaning against the door again, muscular arms stretching his white baker’s jacket in a delicious way, his blonde hair falling over his forehead as his brown eyes met yours without the cover of his glasses. 

“Giving that plant love will not make it grow. It’s incredibly dramatic.”

“You’re incredibly dramatic,” you retorted, propping yourself up on his desk. 

His eyes caught the action, narrowing on the way your jeans creased at the hip, curves pulling the sides tight as they rested on his oak desk. 

“Am I?” he questioned playfully, pushing off the door frame to make his way toward you. You kept your composure, ignoring the way your heart picked up in speed as the distance between you both grew shorter with each stride from him. Your legs parted for him easily, allowing him to step between and tower over you. “You’ve hardly shown me attention all day. On the opening day of my bakery.”

You lifted your chin in defiance, holding back a giggle even though he casted a jokingly admonishing gaze down at you. “How shameful of me. What can I do to make you feel better?”

He hummed, pursing his lips in faux contemplation as his hands slid along your jeaned thighs. His fingers dug into the fabric, pressing searing indentations into your body before yanking you closer to him.

“I couldn’t ask you to wake up every morning to make sweet bread for the business, so how about you relay the recipe to me?” Truthfully, you planned to pass the recipe to him later tonight as a surprise, but this could work in your favor too. “You walked around this entire place looking radiant and yet hardly a word my way.” Beneath his chiding, you could sense a light pout against your neck as he pressed his lips to your skin, igniting a fiery heat in your stomach.

“You were busy running a bakery, I didn’t want to bother you.” He bit the thin skin at the crease of your neck in reply, pulling a sharp gasp from behind your lips. “Seducing me won’t—”

“Don’t lie,” he interrupted, pushing against your sternum to make you lay down along his desk. The cold oak dug into your back, but your skin burned right through the chill. 

He was riding on the high of his success, eager in the way he trailed his large hands up the fabric of your jeans and dipped against the small gap of visible skin between your shirt and belt. His calloused fingertips slid up the skin of your torso, pushing your shirt to bunch beneath your bra. Deep brown eyes traversed the landscape of you uninhibited, hunger saturating his irises and pupils blowing out quickly before he dipped down to nip the skin beside your belly button. 

“Be a good girl and tell me the secret ingredient,” he whispered.

The command made you shudder, your eyes fluttering and breath catching in your throat as his wet tongue dipped into your belly button before sliding up the faint stretch marks on your torso. The heat in your belly began to boil, popping and crackling into what would be a raging inferno in only a few short seconds.

“What’s in it for me?” you croaked, uncaring of just how desperate you sounded.

“I’ll give you whatever you want. Right here…any way you want it.”

It was tempting, and the thought of him fucking you seven ways to Sunday on his desk did little to hold your determination. “And what if I don’t tell you?”

He chuckled, soft and vibrating against the skin of your belly before he rested his chin on your sternum. 

“I’ll still give you whatever you wish. I’m hoping you’re feeling charitable today.”

Your heart trembled at the sight of him smiling at you, teeth digging into his bottom lip before he pressed a gentle kiss to your clothed sternum. The warmth of it bled through the fabric and onto your skin, seeping through your pores to pour over your rapidly beating heart. His words were always so sweet, so freely giving to you no matter what. It was admirable.

But your love for teasing him far outweighed his words.

“You can guess.” 

He barked a sharp chuckle into your sternum before heaving a dramatic sigh in acceptance of his challenge ahead.

“Molasses.” His first guess was accompanied by full lips kissing down your torso, each touch making your skin flinch with the sensation.

“You asked Yu that and the answer is unchanged.”

A noise of frustration against the skin above the hem of your pants, thick and heady with lust and lack of patience. You refused to give in, even though your desire was hard to ignore as his fingers began to undo the button and zipper of your pants, tugging your jeans off your legs in a hurry.

“Tell me,” he whispered against the seam of your panties, temptation sliding on your skin like molten lava. You tried to ignore the command as best as you could, your head slowly clouding with lust as you felt his tongue dip beneath the seam to tease the skin above your clit. You sunk your fingers into his loose blonde locks, tightening the strands amongst your knuckles as he teasingly pulled your panties to the side, your cunt clenching from the cool air against it. “Tell me, baby.”

The feel of his tongue licking a long stripe up your clit pulled a high whine from your throat, your resolve crumbling in seconds. 

“I—” you gasped at the feel of him slipping your clit into his hot mouth, arching your hips further towards him.

Thirty minutes later, with him panting against the sweaty skin of your neck, his cock softening inside of you after making you cum twice before finding his own end, you whispered the ingredient breathily into the air. 

“Honey in the batter? That’s it?” Even though he was winded, you can taste his disappointment with himself. “Yu always made it unnecessarily difficult.” He hummed in reproach before a chuckle wrapped around the edges of the noise as he laughed into your skin. You carded a hand through his sweaty hair, sliding your fingertips against silky strands as your breathing evened out. 

A few minutes later, he pulled away from your neck to look down at you, his gaze filled with adoration. You reached out, brushing his locks away from his forehead, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips. The golden locks flop back into place, shrouding parts of his gaze, and your fingers trailed down the soft skin of his cheek, traced along the gentle upward slope of his nose before outlining his bottom lip. Your ring reflected off the light emanating from the lamp on his desk, flashing you a reminder of your tie to him. His lips curved into a gentle smile before turning to place a kiss into your open palm.

“Thank you for being here with me today,” he spoke softly, his words echoing with sincerity and love that you so often felt. “I love you.”

You reflected the sentiment back to him without hesitation and smiled softly before you felt him slant his lips against your own.

***

“Promise me that you’ll behave,” you demanded of Kento from your perch on the living room floor, sitting across from Ulani as she pressed another button on her interactive toy. The annoying contraption chirped, ‘The cow goes moo!’ for what felt like the millionth time in five minutes, yet you maintained a smile to encourage her. Ulani gleefully responded with ‘moo’ each time, and it made the desire to fling the toy out the window a little less prevalent than before. You were using it as a tool to keep her distracted until your mother would arrive.

It was the first time Ulani would meet her, a prospect you had contemplated and ultimately embraced. Recent months had seen an improvement in your relationship you’re your mother through shared meals, frequent texts, help with wedding planning, and occasional phone calls at your discretion. She had never asked to meet Ulani and it was that small action that made you realize she gave you full control of how much you wanted your mother in your life.

So you would give her one more olive branch today.

You just needed your fiancé to comply as well.

Said fiancé rolled his eyes from behind his coffee mug, feigning nonchalance that was practically second nature to him.

“I’ll have you know that I have no problem with your mother now.” 

A lie. 

“And besides, I have phone calls to make with the caterers and the wedding planner to make sure they are on schedule. So I won’t really be talking to her.”

Kento had taken on the brunt of wedding planning because he liked order and wanted everything to be perfect, and you were fine with that. It allowed you to focus on other aspects, such as invitations, the bridal party, and your wedding dress. You hadn’t done much, just as Kento intended. 

Before you could respond to him, the doorbell rang, signaling your mother’s arrival.

“Hello, Kento,” you heard her greet him, her voice soft and free of malice.

“Naveah,” he responded, short and with an air as if she had already ruined his day.

You rolled your eyes. 

Your mother walked into your home—it wasn’t the first time, but it was the first with your daughter also present. Her coils brushed her shoulders, a light blue dress falling like water over her small frame as she smiled at you. You were getting used to the warmth that filled your chest from the sight, an affection that you had always craved growing up now returning—slowly—but without lingering pain.

Kento excused himself, leaning down to kiss your cheek and pretending to ignore your glare as he walked away and left the three of you alone. The interactive toy chirped, ‘The dog goes bark!’ and Ulani’s loud bark in reply pulled a soft smile onto your mother’s face, her eyes hopeful and yearning. 

“Come meet her.”

She moved quickly around the sofa, unable to hide her excitement, and stopped short as her gaze fell upon your daughter. Ulani stopped playing with the toy, the sight of someone unfamiliar to her making her inch closer to you. She loved people and was always open to meeting them, but like her father, she was observant and could sense your slight tension. 

Your mother sunk down to her knees, giving Ulani her space and interacting with her toy instead. You rubbed your daughter’s back, offering her your own reassurance that you would be okay, and she used your touch as guidance to scoot back to your mother, the toy between them both as Ulani began to play along.

“She’s quite perceptive,” she remarked, a gentle smile on her face as she watched Ulani press a button and mimic the noise.

“She gets it from her father…and…I know Kento probably isn’t the nicest right now—”

“Don’t you worry about Kento,” she interjected, delighting in the giggle that fell from Ulani’s lips. “I deserve it. The love and protection he has for you is so strong that it reminds me of your father.” 

It was the first time she had ever spoken of him—the first time you had ever heard about him. All you knew was that he died before you were born, and your mother was so distraught that she cut off all connection with his side of the family.

“What was he like?” you couldn’t help but ask.

She pulled in a deep breath, her eyebrows pinching together as if in pain before she pressed another button on Ulani’s toy. “Incredibly handsome with a thick Texas accent and curly brown hair. He was very much a ‘fight the power’ kind of man and spent most of his time protesting social events. We met in college…he was…always the loudest one in the room but always focused on me. It was overwhelming at times.” Ulani unsteadily climbed to her feet and wobbled across the living room to her toy box, leaving you both with each other. “I was so focused on school and doing what my father wanted and he taught me how to…live. It astounded me with just how much he loved me. He would say the most beautiful things with little effort…almost as easy as breathing. During that time, I pulled away from my father’s ideals and just…fell in love. My father hated him.” 

You listened quietly, your heart aching at the small comparisons between Kento and your father and feeling some connection even if it was faint. When Ulani made her way back, she was holding another toy, babbling to your mother in broken English that she pretended to follow along with. Ulani didn’t ask as she plopped down in your mother’s lap, her back to her as she began to slide the colored blocks around with a focused gaze.

“Cancer took him away from me. Quick and out of the blue and I couldn’t function for a long time…I couldn’t speak to his family or even look at them without being in so much pain. And so I stopped speaking to them. It was really drastic but when you love someone as much as I did your father, any reminder of is too painful to face. I miss him. Every minute of every day, for the past thirty-one years. So don’t apologize for Kento. I don’t blame him one bit. I hope to earn his trust one day.”

She would, in time she would. Kento was not the type to hold grudges and that disdain would fade the more he saw how accepting you were becoming.

“Do you think you’ll ever reach out to his side of the family?”

She looked up at you from Ulani, shooting a soft smile that was reminiscent of your own when you caught a glimpse of yourself in photographs and Instagram stories with Ome. Her eyes crinkled just a little at the edges, a small indentation to showcase her age even though her skin was as smooth as her teenage years. 

“I did last week actually…I wanted to surprise you. They are flying into Sendai this week and I was wondering if you wanted to—”

“Yes,” you interrupted without hearing the rest. If there was any chance to meet more of your family that was not your mother’s side, you would take it in a heartbeat. “Do you think they would come to the wedding?” The wedding was a month away and while you had room for a few RSVPs, you didn’t even know if they would want to come.

Your mother’s chuckle pulled you from your running thoughts, the questions dying into the chaos of your mind as she shot another smile at you, the motherly affection returning with a bombarding flourish. “I’m sure they would love that.”

Her words were filled with hope, promise crispy along the edges as they floated in and out of your ears. The feeling of your chest swelling with happiness and the burn behind your eyes before your vision began to swim made you bite into your bottom lip to keep yourself under control. You could tear up after she left, give yourself a moment or two to just be happy that things were falling into place. Slowly, but still fitting together.

“Gamma?” Ulani peeped at your mother, looking up at her with her father’s sharp gaze, a flicker of understanding all over her face as she took in your interactions with each other. She was way too inquisitive for such a young age and your chest ached with the essence of her youth flying a little too quickly for comfort.

“Yes, I’m your grandma,” your mother answered, smiling warmly down at her before placing a soft kiss to her chubby cheek. Ulani took the affection without complaint and turned back to her blocks.

“She’s beautiful…and so smart. Just like you at her age and I’m—” she paused, her nostrils flaring fractionally and eyes beginning to mist along the edges. “I’m so proud of you.”

The compliment was unexpected, her fondness once again warming you from the inside out. Almost a year ago, the very thought of her trying to offer you a smile or compliment made your stomach roll with disdain. But she worked hard to earn your affection, to earn your trust. And even though it was not smooth sailing just yet within you, the waters were a little less rocky than before.

So, you swallowed the warmth that your mother offered you, let it simmer in your belly for as long as possible, and gave her a small smile of gratitude in return, hopefully as a sign of smoother waters to come.

***

Ulani was the perfect flower girl. The sight of her in a sage green tulle dress, embroidered with flowers along the fabric, made her the most beautiful girl in the large Nakameguro garden where the wedding was being held. Though she was unsteady on her feet, she was determined to fulfill her duty on her own. Using her father as guidance, she dug her chubby hands into the small basket on her arm and haphazardly threw pink and deep red petals along the aisle as she walked closer to Kento. When she made it to her father’s feet at the end of the aisle, she gazed up at him, whispering a happy ‘Hi Dadda,’ up at him before receiving a fat kiss on her cheek in praise. 

“Five bucks says that he will cry.” Rory’s voice from next to you elicited a sharp but hushed giggle from your lips. 

Both of you had been fairly quiet since the music started; Rory was providing moral support for your fraying nerves by taking your late father’s place to walk you down the aisle. His twists were redone and looked brand new, the ends tied off with rubber bands and his hairline freshly cut, they hung down his shoulders and brushed the black fabric of his tux. 

“He won’t cry just yet,” you offered, wrapping your lace-covered arm around his tux-covered one as you felt the moment you would have to make your entrance drawing closer. “Fifty bucks says he will tear up.”

Rory shook softly with laughter, patting the top of your arm linked with his. “Deal.” Familiar eyes took you in, the same eyes you had watched and laughed at and cried with for as long as you could remember. The same ones that took you to your first ceramics class and taught you how to love the world. “You look beautiful.”

You elbowed him in a well-known reply, feeling your cheeks heating quickly as your nerves began to unravel at the ends. 

You had put a lot of work into your dress, which swung down to the ground in rich thin white layers. It was adorned with 3D lace and embroidered faintly with white flowers and sheer fabric that hugged your curves, extending throughout the train that trailed behind you. The sweetheart neckline and off-shoulder sleeves were perfect touches to showcase your creamy brown skin. Your jewelry was simple; a diamond necklace that Kento had gifted you last year, and small diamond studs in your ears. Your loose curls hung down your back in dark tendrils, adorned with small cherry blossoms from the past Sakura season and partially covered with a sheer mantilla veil that fell to the floor along with your train. 

You felt beautiful.

This was like any other day: waking up and going to sleep next to him, spending every moment with him. Nothing had changed. But to showcase your love so publicly…that was what made you nervous. You and Kento treasured your vulnerability with each other and cherished the privacy of it. Even though your friends and family were well-versed in your relationship, it was still a part of you that was sacred. 

So when the warm October air brushed your skin as you walked down the aisle with Rory, your heart raced too fast for you to control. Your blood pulsed through your veins, hot and burning from the inside out. Chiyo and Santo’s smiles helped quell the anxiety just a little, and seeing your father’s side of the family made the next breath you took a little easier to fill into your lungs. Ulani’s presence certainly helped as well; for once, she sat in Gojo’s arms without squirming, hugging his neck tightly, and beaming a toothy smile at you.

“What will you do if I leave you at the altar because I’m nervous?” you asked playfully, rolling to straddle his lap. Kento’s large, warm hands slid up the naked skin of your thighs, squeezing in soft reassurance before pulling your attention to him.

“You won’t. Just keep your eyes on me. It’s just like any other day when the rest of the world hardly matters and it’s just you, me, and Ulani.”

“And what if I still decide to leave? What if I don’t want to get married in front of everyone?”

A small huff of laughter escaped his nose, his bare chest shaking from the effort. “Then I’ll follow you and we’ll get married wherever you want.”

“Me and you?”

“Me and you, my love.”

The memory seemed to fill your lungs with an unexpected strength, and as you exhaled deeply, your gaze moved from your daughter to Kento, who was just a few steps away from her. 

And god was he a sight to behold.

He wore the nicest black tux you had ever seen, with a white undershirt adorned with crisp black buttons and an even nicer black tie. His cufflinks, inherited from his father, flickered from the low sunlight and black pants hugged him perfectly. Even though his eyes were without his typical glasses, his blonde locks were parted and gelled in their signature style, free from his forehead to display every single emotion on his face. So unbelievably handsome and soon, he would be yours completely in every sense. 

You had to suppress every possible joke in your head when Rory finally handed you off and your hands brushed against Kento’s warmth. The sensation instantly calmed you, grounded you to the floor as you felt your nerves finally begin to cool down and settle.  

“Hey you,” you playfully teased, biting your bottom lip as you watched Kento’s beautiful burnt umber eyes well up with tears.

“I…” he tried to speak, but stopped abruptly, swallowing what seemed to be the hardest lump in his throat. Full lips parted, desperately trying to say something, anything, to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, blinking rapidly to get himself under control. “Truly beautiful.”

You gave his hands a gentle squeeze, hoping that the touch would be enough to convey that you were there in front of him.

“I’m riding on fifty dollars if you can hold it together, so no crying.”

Dark blonde eyebrows furrowed intensely as if in disbelief, but then a sharp laugh bubbled from his throat, his tight grip on your hands pulling you closer to him.

Jin stood between you both as he officiated and Gojo’s hands shook only mildly when he handed the rings to you and Kento. You both decided not to have vows. You knew that Kento could only be so vulnerable in front of others, and you hated to talk in front of crowds anyway. So it was the perfect choice for you both. 

Yuji spent the entire time in tears, and you weren’t sure if it was because he was happy for you and his sensei or because he had missed a chance with you. Your mother smiled the most you had ever seen from her, and you found that the sight wasn’t unwelcome this time. 

When the rings slid back onto your fingers, the cool metal against your skin felt like an electric current, bringing you back to life, back to the present, back to the moment of Kento’s beautiful eyes on your linked hands before they slid behind your neck to pull you close for a kiss that sealed your union with each other. 

You should have been more insistent on encouraging him to dance more. It was truly a pity, given his obvious talent. He murmured about Gojo’s inability to tear his gaze from Ome as he effortlessly lead you across the polished floor set up in the garden. Despite his skill, he declined to entertain anything more out of character. Instead, he tenderly drew his mother into his embrace, guiding her fluidly across the dance floor, offering her a gentle smile as she conversed with him amongst the music.

Everyone wanted to dance with you, and for almost an hour, you rotated from Rory to your newly acquainted uncles and cousins on your father’s side, to Yuji and the rest of your friends. You were deliriously happy as they spun you around the dance floor, hair loose and cherry blossoms fluttering from the strands with every movement of air around you. 

“What’s the verdict?” you asked Kento later after you both had cut the cake. There was still a smear of the dessert on your cheek from when he playfully smeared it on your face earlier. To you, it tasted delicious; an elderflower-soaked lemon cake with blackberry jam and vanilla buttercream icing. It was your second piece in less than fifteen minutes.

Kento hummed softly, taking another bite and pursing his lips. He was the perfect picture of relaxed. His tie was undone, and two black buttons had been unfastened. His blonde hair was free from its gelled hold and fell in heavy strands over his forehead. There was a rosy tint to his cheeks from the glass of expensive Hibiki whiskey on the table in front of him, and a smile lingered at the corners of his lips that had been there since he said, ‘I do’.

“It seems I’ll have to steal the recipe,” he said with a coy grin, not overly expressing his appreciation for something he had grumbled about for months. “The rest of the food is delicious. I did well.” 

You were in the middle of rolling your eyes when you heard Gojo from across the dance floor.

“I swear, they can speak for my character.” You watched him guide Ome’s mother toward you and Kento’s table. 

Ome’s mother radiated beauty just like her daughter. She stood with a petite stature, and her curves accentuated the elegant fit of her Iro and Buba. The attire’s rich lavender lace cascaded to the floor, highlighting the warm undertones of her deep chocolate skin under the ambient light from the reception’s outdoor lamps dancing in the evening October breeze. Her Gele was a testament to the expert craftsmanship of her Nigerian culture; while it seemed artificial, you knew the painstaking process of hand pressing every layer to make the headpiece commonly worn for Nigerian formal events.

Adorned in a sharp Amani suit and signature circular sunglasses, Gojo exuded an air of affluence. His unique snow-white hair, naturally tinted a soft shade of purple at the roots, framed his striking eyes as they pierced the darkness behind his shades. Eyes always followed him when he walked into a room and his confidence never wavered for as long as you knew him. But you could see the unease in his features when he paused before you and Kento. 

When her eyes met you both, Ome’s mother momentarily overlooked Gojo and greeted each of you with a kiss on the cheek, giving a notably lingered one on Kento’s. Despite only meeting him twice in person, her fondness for him was evident and her husband was too oblivious to notice. Kento would never admit it, but you knew he liked her attention. She fed him and sent him recipes any chance she could get.

“Kento, my darling your friend tells me that his character is good enough for my daughter. I know you will not lie to me.” She knew not to ask you, you were too kind and like her daughter, she needed the truth no matter how awful it would be.

Gojo’s face bloomed a vivid shade of red, the most intense you had ever witnessed, as he nervously watched Kento take a long swig of his Hibiki and gently caressed the fabric upon your thigh before letting out a long sigh. 

“He’s loud,” Gojo sputtered, a tight and foreign sound from unnaturally glossy lips, snow-white eyebrows shooting up to his hairline as he opened his mouth ready to defend himself. You couldn’t help the snort into your wine glass. “He’s annoying and petulant like a child.”

“Nanamin!”

“But he’s a good man,” Kento finished, rolling his eyes at Gojo’s complaining voice. “Out of all the women Gojo has been with, Omelia is the only one who has made him grow up and show her how much of a man he can be. As loathed as I am to say it, he’s worth it.”

Ome’s mother beamed down at Kento, pressing yet another kiss to his cheek before turning her scrutiny to Gojo. He jumped, shoulders stiff and back ramrod straight as she circled him slowly like a vulture would to dying prey. You had never seen him so fearful—well to this degree—any other type of fear was usually because Ome was in his presence.

“You’re tall,” Ome’s mother began, speaking as if logging the details for future study. Her accent was beautiful, heavy but delicate in the way she spoke, giving her a poised air and a level of fear, for whoever crossed her path. “A pretty face but you’re nothing but skin and bones, you need to eat more.”

“Yes ma’am!” Gojo conceded, hands at his sides like a soldier recalling orders for battle, his face flaming.

The chuckles emanating from Kento’s body slowly grew louder, much to your own amusement.

Ome’s mother narrowed her eyes, inspecting his expensive dress shoes, the fit of his pants, the hygiene of his hands and nails. “My Omelia is not a lazy woman and she won’t tolerate disrespect. And while she makes her own living, I want her to be taken care of. Can you do that?”

“Y-yes,” he stammered.

She stopped, unimpressed, and sharpened her gaze. You’ve been on the end of that look before and you couldn’t help the shudder that traveled up your spine. “Yes what?”

“Yes ma’am!” You watched the Adam’s apple in Gojo’s skinny neck bob as he tried to swallow. 

Kento laughed harder, taking another swig of his whiskey and truly enjoying the display. 

“Mama, leave him alone,” you eventually chided, though you couldn’t suppress your own laughter. She relented with a roll of her eyes, granting Gojo a final, evaluating glance before clicking her teeth.

“How about you get me a drink then?”

It was more of a command than a suggestion, and thankfully Gojo had been around Ome long enough to decipher the true meaning behind words when spoken from her to catch on. He offered his arm to her, and gave a nervous smile before she conceded and let him pull her away.

Gojo threw a seething glare back at Kento and your husband tilted his head back and guffawed. You felt like you were in the Twilight Zone, to see him so carefree, so blissfully happy and laughing amongst his family and friends.

When you glanced over at Kento, his wide smile and high cheekbones emphasized his beauty, and as he stroked your thigh, his gaze met yours before he leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. 

“How much longer?” You could practically taste the impatience in his voice as it wafted down to ghost over your face, and when he nipped your bottom lip, it told you all you needed to know about his current state of self-restraint. 

You had changed from your wedding gown hours ago and you didn’t miss the way his eyes took in every inch of your halter top long lace dress that split up one side for him to slide his hand against your shea butter-scented brown skin. Despite it being October, it was incredibly warm, but the hairs on the back of your neck stood up straight when you watched his gaze darken just a little more than what was decent for the public eye.

“I’m sure not long now,” you offered in reassurance, though your self-control wavered when he traced his lips along your ear. The locks of your curls kissed the skin of your temple, fluttering in the light current from his breath. 

What needed to take place during a reception again? You cut the cake, speeches were said, dances were made, and food was served. It was just merriment at this point until it was time to send off the couple. And you needed it to get here and fast. 

“I like this dress,” he whispered, the timbre of his voice caressing the fabric of your dress before sliding up your legs to the pulsing heat between your legs.

Composing yourself, you took a sip of wine, focusing on the sweet taste sliding down your throat and trying your best to maintain an air of decorum despite the temptation whispering in your ears. No one was paying attention; it was all fleeting glances at the happy couple as they all danced and drank and ate with each other. But you knew if you gave Kento an avenue to get in your panties, he might not be a gentleman.

“I’m sure the reward will be worth it later tonight.” Your words lingered in the air, laden with innuendo, thick with lust and expectation. The tension was palpable and Kento sucked a hiss through clenched teeth before downing the rest of his Hibiki in one fluid motion, his leg beginning to bounce in place.

The details of the farewell celebration were a blur—you recalled sparklers and choruses of ‘good luck’ and ‘goodbye’, but those memories quickly faded as you and Kento settled into the backseat of the large SUV that would take you to your hotel in downtown Tokyo. 

Before you could reach for the seatbelt, he was on you. He pulled you into his lap and both of your legs were straddling his waist before you gasped at the feel of hot hands sliding up the skin of your thighs, digging and insistent as if you would disappear if he blinked. 

“Ken,” you whispered, a feeble attempt at a warning, even as his lips found your neck and your eyes rolled with the weakening of your resolve. “K-ken the driver!”

“Hopefully he has earplugs.” 

Dismissive of concern and to the point, his words sent a shiver down your spine, an involuntary clench of your cunt when his teeth grazed the delicate skin of your collarbone. Each caress of his tongue fought to unleash the moan trapped in your throat, rattling and begging to be let free. 

“He can turn on the radio, open the windows, sing as loud as he wants. I don’t care. I need you, now.”

His tongue traced the seam of your halter top dress, pressing firmly against the soft swell of your breasts. He normally had some level of restraint when it concerned his libido around others, but it must be the high of the wedding, the delicious thought of having a wife that had him hard and throbbing against the thin fabric of your panties. His grip tightened on the meat on your hips, and he rolled you hard and long against him in a way that made a honeyed gasp slide from his lips.

But you had to stop him because the minute he slid inside of you, you would be a wanton and moaning mess and the driver might need to quit out of sheer embarrassment. 

The penthouse suite was only a short stop of reprieve before your flight tomorrow afternoon. Your bags were already sitting against the floor-to-ceiling glass windows and the floor was decorated in an array of red flower petals that you and Kento both glared at before meeting each other’s eyes and laughing.

“So ridiculous,” he chuckled, kicking his expensive shoes against a petal and watching it slide across the hardwood floor. He approached you with gentler steps, a little more timid now, and took your hands in his. 

“Champagne?” he offered, voice low and tempting and you nodded in response against the way your belly simmered with awakening desire.

Ome did a good job on the lingerie. The orange hue was a compliment to your brown skin—a color that Kento had previously voiced loving on you—and it accentuated your curves, curves that Kento never tired of admiring and you knew would be worshipped without pause tonight.

You were more comfortable in your skin now, the faint stretch marks and roll or two were cherished tokens of motherhood and love, embodying a journey that was far deeper than aesthetic perfection. 

You would definitely have to thank Ome. Because the way he stopped speaking into the receiver of the phone when you emerged from the bathroom made you hold in a snort. He had seen you in lingerie before, but from the look on his face, you cataloged the designer in your head to buy more of their outfits later. His eyes widened fractionally, grip on the phone slackening as he took you in, unabashed in his admiration as he spoke calmly into the phone. 

“Make that two bottles of champagne actually. Just leave them at the door, no need to knock.”

You giggled as you watched him hang up the phone and slip off his shoes, eyes not once leaving the slow outline of your form before he made his way to you. 

“Is this my reward?” His fingers lightly traced the lace adorning your breasts, his touch igniting a flame in your belly that you were all too familiar with. “It’s exquisite but I’m afraid it won’t last long on you.”

“A shame,” you purred, guiding him to recline on the expansive bed with a playful nudge. He shot you a devilish smirk, and the sight made you lightheaded. His carefree demeanor was palpable, a side of him so unguarded and joyous. You wouldn’t be sleeping at all tonight.

“Try to make it last, it was expensive.”

He hummed noncommittally in response as you climb on top of him, his cock flagging instantly from the feel of you hot against him. Even through the thick fabric of his tailored pants, he throbbed hot and heavy, ready for you in almost an instant. 

A harsh slap to your ass made you jump, eliciting a whimper from your throat, your body instinctively grinding against his clothed cock in a Pavlovian response.

“I’ll buy you more,” he promised, deep brown eyes now paper-thin rings as he snapped a strap of your lingerie against your thigh, marveling at the way you twitched, his lust permeating the room. 

The champagne bottles remained forgotten at the door, warming in the night and untouched for the rest of the night.

***

It was always a far away dream.

Kuantan, Malaysia was just an island that he had always yearned to visit when he was younger. Of all the places, it was there that he saw himself the most serene and at peace. He would retire at the age of thirty-five with more than enough in his bank account to sustain him, his children, and his children’s children, bring a wife—perhaps accompanied by a child or two—to the sandy shores, and immerse himself in good food and an endless array of books he had yet to finish.

He had planned for a nice honeymoon in Okinawa with you, imagining a blissful week of sunbathing, indulging in exquisite cuisine, and having as much sex with you as both your bodies could muster.

But like the enigma you were, you had booked everything in a farce and the plane you both boarded was bound for Kuantan. Even when he tried to pry more information from you, you deftly diverted his attention, presenting him with an itinerary adorned with your infectious enthusiasm, charming away any resistance that he had.

It was always a far away dream.

But it was a reality now with you—his wife—sleeping in his arms, your legs entwined with his upon the silken sheets of a spacious king bed in a bungalow that was your abode for the next few days.

He left the windows open again, inviting the soothing symphony of waves, the distinctive aroma of salt and sand, and the hypnotic sight of the ocean’s smooth horizon. It all welcomed his senses as he pulled you closer to him. White sheer curtains billowed in the beachy breeze, and with each tuft of wind that filtered into the bungalow you both shared, it brought a level of peace that he hadn’t anticipated arriving so soon in his life. 

Your body wash was different this time—lavender, not your usual lilac—but still a compliment to your shea butter-kissed skin. Your cheek rested on his bicep, a hint of drool on his skin that he would refuse to let you in on unless he was feeling particularly teasing. Your bonnet was askew on your head, the hint of curls poking from the side by your ear. There was a fading bruise on your neck, faint and purpling from his teeth a few nights ago. You would probably glare at him for having to put concealer on it as you hated the way it stuck to your skin in the heat. 

He didn’t mind being scolded for it. Not by you, anyway.

Put a ring on Nanami Kento’s finger and whisk him away to Kuantan, Malaysia, and watch as all semblance of decorum evaporates.

“Stop staring at me,” you mumbled, half-awake yet aware of his gaze as you opened the eye not pressed to his bicep to glare impishly up at him. 

The sound of your voice made his heart jump, it always did, but recently he had felt loose and raw and open, a perfect view for you to touch the beating organ in his chest with your delicate hands. 

“You were in a deep sleep seconds ago, how did you know I was staring?” he inquired.

“Intuition—you love me too much to leave me alone even in sleep.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

As you languidly rolled onto your back, he hovered above, studying your features. The subtle impression of sleep creased your cheek, the corner of your lip was wet with drool, and your eyes squinted slightly, adjusting to the morning light. A normal sight of a sleeping woman, but to him it was the most beautiful canvas he had ever seen. Raw and unfiltered, a picture he had seen so many mornings and nights before, but still felt as if it was the very first time. Even seconds after waking up, you were the epitome of beauty.

His wife. 

You pulled off your bonnet, and the braids he had confidently mastered rested on the silk pillowcase beneath your head as you relaxed back into the sheets. Your fingertips lightly grazed his cheekbone, beckoning his attention.

“What would you like to do today?” You asked and watched with a lifted brow as he hummed and leaned to press his lips to the exposed slope of your shoulder. “Or is the agenda just us being in the bed?” 

A nip to the soft skin of your neck made you gasp, and his tongue smoothed over it to soothe the slight sting.

“Breakfast first,” he mused, a lighthearted tilt to his tone as his lips trailed hot down the column of your neck. 

Your t-shirt was pushed up in less than a second, exposing every inch of naked skin that he dutifully pressed his lips to. The saltiness of your skin was faint and when he circled a nipple and brought it to his mouth, there was a hint of strawberries that he had eaten off your body the night before. 

The gasp that left your lips was heavenly, short and clipped, always asking him for more as he licked and bit the pertness of your peaks before sliding his affection down your torso.

“Then…then let’s go eat,” you offered, even though it fell on deaf ears. You knew this. And part of you was teasing him, trying to keep up with the façade more than anything as your eyes watched him kiss a worshipping line down the planes of your stomach.

He cataloged the way your throat bobbed and the sound of a gasp catching in your throat when he finally dipped a dripping tongue over the hood of your clit. Your legs parted for him instantly, beckoning him to settle in between as you bunched your hands into the silk pillow beneath your head. 

“T-there’s a nice restaurant up the beach that you might like.” 

He laughed at your attempt to distract, low and dark in a way that made your cunt quiver in anticipation. He smiled against your already dripping cunt and slid his tongue deep within you to pull a tight moan from your lips that made him chuckle again. 

The meat of your thighs was covered by the softest skin he had ever felt, moisturized religiously and free of scars, and he dug his fingertips deep until it pillowed between his fingers and opened you more for him. 

He pulled away to press a hot kiss to your clit and reveled in the way you jumped, your stomach and chest heaving with increased breaths.

“Different kind of breakfast, my love. I thought you would have caught on.”

He was back on you before you could say anything smart, and he watched gleefully as you sunk into the silky sheets and twisted the fabric in your hands. He had memorized every inch of you, created his very own manual for how to take you apart, and used that guide dutifully with the way he licked your clit in light and solid strokes that made you wetter in the warmth of his mouth, sucking the glistening bud between his lips when he was feeling more glutinous. 

“Kento, please.”

Your call for him was a sweet melody to his ears, and he complied with your desires using two, then three fingers inside of you, pumping fluidly. He was delirious with you, foggy-headed as he reveled in the sound of your escalating cries and pleas, your body arching and yearning for more as his skilled fingers brushed that spongy spot on the roof of your walls. 

It gave him the reaction he desperately loved to see, a sharp hiccup from your lungs and a loud moan into the air before you clamped down on his fingers and gushed over the digits. Captivating, and he dipped down to taste your essence around his fingers that pumped languidly between your legs.

He could hardly calm down from his own excitement because not even a minute later you were asking for more, tugging his boxers down with your feet in practiced impatience. Soon he was naked and hovering over you, tilting full lips against yours that were still wet with your slick.

“Don’t deny your wife,” you whispered into the small space between both your lips and his as you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer with a strength that always surprised him when you were horny. The tip of him leaked precum, parting your folds in a mischievous ask that made you whine when he refused to indulge you. 

“How many will you give me?” he questioned, his voice lower and seductive, as he slowly entered you, relishing in the sensation of your warmth enveloping him. The column of your neck was bare for him when you arched your back at the feeling of him inside you, delicious brown skin free of blemish but already sprinkled with a light sheen of sweat. “Hmm?”

“I don’t—” you swallowed hard against a dry throat, your fingers digging hard into the skin of his back as he started a steady pace. “I don’t know. You already made me cum once I can’t—one more.”

“One more?” he punctuated his teasing question with a rolling thrust that made your cunt squeeze him like a vice. He clenched his teeth through it and savored the burning pleasure at the base of his spine with every thrust of himself into your welcoming heat. You were wanton, uninhibited, and lost in the moment with him, digging your manicured nails into his skin and moaning harshly into the air without any care of locals outside the window who might be listening. 

He caught a flash of your ring, the diamond that he made sure was cut meticulously before a cent was handed over, and his stomach quivered as you slid your hand between your bodies to brush against your clit. But he stopped you, catching your wrist and his thrusts came to a stop, the action making you whine in frustration.

“If I only get one orgasm from you, then I’m going to make it last,” he murmured against your lips, a soft smile twitching on the edges at the sight of your pout. A gentle crease between elegant brows and subtle pursing of your lips made his heart give a warming leap in his chest. 

 “You know since you’ve gotten married, you’ve become awfully stingy,” you grumbled up at him.

A carefree chuckle vibrated from his chest as he leaned down to kiss you again, stealing the sweet flavor of strawberries from your lips. 

“I suppose I have,” he admitted playfully. “How can I make it up to you?” With a deliberate roll of his hips, the skin of his abs brushing against your clit, you dug your nails harder into his skin. “Tell me?”

He would do anything for you—set the world ablaze, give up everything, get down on his knees and ask for your hand over and over again if it meant you would smile at him for a second longer. He knew that you would never make him stoop to such levels, would never ask him something that would hurt him. But the hold you had on his mind, on his body, on his heart was so tight and gripping that if you ever let go he was sure he would fall apart. And only you knew how to seamlessly put him back together. 

“Fuck me,” you finally demanded of him, voice thick with desire and trembling with a barely suppressed whimper. And because he could never deny you, he gave to you fully. 

He worshipped every inch of the skin of your neck, drank the sweat on your collarbone, and let his tongue press against your skin to vibrate with each moan that passed from your lips. Every stroke that he gave made your eyes clench tightly from a source of pleasure that started from a simmer and roiled into a boil that seemed to radiate from your skin.

One of your braids had come loose, your curls sprawling across the silk pillowcase as the force of his thrusts get harder and faster. Traces of sleep still etched on your cheek, and your lips parted in a delicate dance with each sound that escaped them. The very mention of his name stirred a fierce primal instinct within him, something he might have felt ashamed of, if it hadn’t fueled a ferocious intensity in his movements, each driving into and fighting against the increased tightness of your cunt around him. 

“Kento,” you managed to voice, delirious with passion, your gaze heavy-lidded.

“Again,” he urged into the air that puffed from your lips. “Say it again.”

“Kento.”

He rewarded you by intensifying his pace, harsh and thorough thrusts that slapped against your clit over and over so you could moan and hiccup in his mouth.

You were wrong. Marriage hadn’t made him stingy when it came to you. 

He had always been this way. Since the moment you dropped your walls for him to come closer, he had taken every morsel of affection, desiring you solely for himself, distinctly irresistible. You were too unique to be shared with anyone else, he wouldn’t allow it. You were his to hold, his to kiss, his to love until the last breath left his lungs many, many years from now. And he hoped that if there was some form of an afterlife for him, he would find his way to you and take love from you some more.

So until that day came, he would be stingy every chance that he could get.

Your legs wrapped tighter around waist and pulled him further inside of you, and the feel of you impossibly hotter around him made the corners of his vision go white. Without a sleeping daughter down the hall, you and Kento had been going at it whenever you could and on whatever surface that was durable. He went to sleep every night spent and satiated. 

But now he was paying for it. Because the way you started to flutter around his cock made his balls draw tight and his stomach clench in a sweltering pleasure that rose to the surface of his ocean of control unexpectantly. There was an ache in his thighs, a burn in his lower belly, a trickle of sweat that he could feel slide down the crevice of his spine and he was dangerously close to losing it all.

“Say it again,” he commanded again, voice tight with restraint.

“Kento. Kento. Kento, please—I can’t.” You were taut, your voice thin with each breath and your fingers were daggers in the skin of his back. He hissed against the pain, took it for his own and harnessed it into a fuel of pleasure that made his fingers dig into the silk on each side of your head.

“Tell me what you want,” his voice saccharine against your lips, tender against the backdrop of fervent need.

“I wanna cum,” you confessed, practically pleading with the look in your eyes. “Please—” your words choked off when he reached between you both to brush his thumb against your throbbing clit. The conviction in your eyes was steely, hardened, and overwhelming as he stroked your bundle of nerves with a precision that pulled a melody of ecstasy from your lips. 

It was a means to a blissful end, and he savored every step that led to that breathtaking finish. Your furrowed eyebrows, halted breaths, quivering stomach and thighs, deepening grip on his back, and the exquisite tightening of your core all fought with the ‘fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!’ that escaped your lips before that cord in you snapped with a deep thrust of his cock. 

The scene unfolded like a masterpiece before him, a sight so mesmerizing that it became his source for the hot pleasure at the base of his spine that finally exploded an ecstatic sensation through his body, pooling along the contours of his pelvis as he spilled inside of you. His eyes rolled in the back of his head, arms tight and a groan sliding out of his lips as he rode his high and gingerly laid on top of you.

Your fingers weaved through his hair, both of you catching your breath as you gazed out the open window, admiring the rising sun and the rhythmic dance of the waves. In the distance, the call of an elusive bird echoed, one you had been eager to spot since arriving. Today might be the day you finally laid eyes on it. 

A flutter of sensation washed over you as his lips pressed a soft kiss to the skin of your stomach. Then, propped on an elbow, he rested his chin in his palm, watching you with a newfound attentiveness. You met his gaze, taking in the mahogany depths of his eyes as they settled back from the intensity of moments ago. You took in the hair along his hairline that was dark with sweat. That tired disposition he always held was no longer there, the faint lines beneath his eyes gone. It occurred to you in that moment that it had been an eternity since he looked tired, and you couldn’t help but wonder if the joy that both you and Ulani had brought into his life had fulfilled a long-sought purpose. You hoped so.

“Does it bother you that we chose not to do vows?” he asked unexpectantly.

Shaking your head, you replied,  “Both of us have always been a little shy when expressing our love around others anyway. And I know that you will only show your vulnerability to so few, so it seemed like a great compromise for both of us. Besides, I don’t need to hear out loud what you will do for me. I know what you will do for me. You do it every day.”

He responded with a noncommittal hum, fingers twirling a lock of your hair. His contemplative silence allowed you to savor his relaxed yet serious demeanor. He was a stoic man, but he was your stoic man who smiled only at you, teased and played freely when you were near, showed his teeth when something was particularly funny, and snored every single night.

“I’m glad you came to the summit that week,” he finally spoke, and even though his eyes were still on the way his fingers twirled your curls, you kept your gaze on his. “I’m glad that it was you who took my angry words and gave them right back to me. I’m glad it was you who challenged me and made me realize that the mundanity of everyday living isn’t something that has to be adhered to…that I could chase a dream even though it terrified me.”

He threw you a lift of a dark blonde brow, enticing in his own way even though you could see traces of anxiety along the features on his face.

“I’m glad that even though we both were so annoyed with each other, we still shared that night together. I’m glad that I was smart enough to fight for you even though I had hurt you so much. I’m glad that you were forgiving enough to let me in. I’m glad that you allowed me to see a side of you that others haven’t. You’ve shown me how wonderful of a woman you are, and I could never fathom being with anyone else.” 

A finger caressed the skin of your bottom lip, outlining the plumpness of your flesh. 

“You’ve given me a beautiful daughter, a strength with a level of grief that I could not have handled alone, a first step with decisions in my life that I can never seem to make without you. You make me so happy. When you tease me, the way you grab your stomach when something is really funny or the fact that you will not use any hot sauce unless it’s Red Hot.” You didn’t expect to chuckle, and the sound caught you by surprise and made him smile softly before he continued. “…The way you love your family and your friends, the dedication you put into your work as a ceramic artist… it’s overwhelming how happy I am to be in your life.” 

The hand in your hair grabbed your fingers of one hand and brought them up to his lips. He pressed a kiss to the skin of your knuckles, tender and slightly chapped. Your throat was tight since he first started speaking and the stinging behind your eyes refused to go away with every blink you made. You hated how good he was at this. It made no sense to be this loving.

“You are everything to me, even when we fight and I’ve been banished to the couch, or on the days where we just can’t seem to get anything right. And I promise to love you until the very end of my days. I’ll find you in this lifetime and the next. I’ll never part from you. You have my heart, my body, my mind, and my soul. All that I am, now and forever, will always be yours.”

You didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that fell from the sides of your eyes and down your cheeks. They would just keep falling anyway. You were used to hearing such beautiful words from him, but it was his informal vow that overwhelmed you—a pledge of love that you realized was more profound than any formal promise in front of his friends and family.

And that made you cry a little harder.

His eyebrows furrowed in concern before he wiped the tears from your cheeks. “My love, what’s wrong? What did I say?”

You hiccupped, not bothering to be ashamed anymore now that you were sobbing uncontrollably. 

“We weren’t going to do vows so I didn’t even—yours sound great! Like something stitched on a pillow and I’m sure you spent weeks drafting it, damn you! I—the only thing I have to offer is an ‘I love you’. I feel stupid. Be a deadbeat for once! Stop being so fucking perfect all the time. I can’t take it.”

You could feel him stiffen above you and it gave you time to control yourself and wipe at your leaking eyes before the bed began to shake. The feeling was odd, until you realized where it was coming from. 

Kento hovered above you, laughing with a deep smile on his face. His teeth were white and straight, and you noticed one of his canines had a small chip on the side. His blonde hair cascaded over his forehead like strands of autumn wheat, and the melody of his laughter tickled your ears, an angelic sound so seldom heard—a cherished rarity, likely witnessed only by his mother when he was young. But here you were, privy to this intimate display, eliciting it from him effortlessly.

Your heart slammed against your ribcage as his lips, still trembling with laughter, grazed your nose.

“My love,” he whispered, a hint of earnest longing in his voice. “an ‘I love you’ is the only thing I will ever want to hear. As long as you allow me to love you, I will be a happy man.”

You could deal with that and although you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his infectious grin, you encircled his neck with your arms. “So…how many times a day do you expect an ‘I love you’?”

His reply came in the form of a kiss, and with it, you sensed a newfound fervor within him with the way he stiffened inside of you. 

“Once in the morning and before bed. On the days you wear your hair down. When I make the brownies you love so much. Wh—”

“That’s an awful lot and I have things to do,” you interrupted, feigning exasperation. “You don’t think that’s a little too much?”

Laughter broke free from him once more, rippling against your lips as his hands tenderly glided down your body, wrapping your legs around his waist again and drawing you closer. Faint embers of pleasure licked back to life with each press of his lips against yours and before he could ask for entrance into your mouth, he pulled away to look down at you with a knowing expression.

“You shouldn’t say things that do not make sense.”

You were caught off guard by the familiarity of his words, which sent your heart racing, pounding against your sternum as you took him in. 

The morning sun casted its golden rays upon the bed, illuminating the skin of Kento’s shoulders and torso. The serene rhythm of the waves, crashing against the rocks bordering your bungalow on the sandy beaches of Kuantan, filled the air. The burnt umber of Kento’s eyes were heavy as they studied you, observant and absorbing, calculating without meaning to. 

Vaguely you thought of Ulani and how she shared the same gaze as her father. Observing of the world around her with a bright smile like yours and curls that bounced on her shoulders when she laughed.

The gentle reminder of the very soul that brought you and Kento together made your eyes mist with tears once more before you finally opened your mouth to speak.

“Am I allowed my first one of the day?” You asked, your voice trembling with emotion, unable to mask the sentiment that swelled within you. “I love you.”

It was true every time it left your lips, and just as strong as the time before. And this time it made you pull in a deep breath so you could ground yourself without bursting into tears. The feel of his skin against yours was almost too much, you were overstimulated by the faint smell of his travel-size eucalyptus shampoo in his hair, the hint of woodsy cologne on the side of his neck, and the sight of him smiling softly down at you. You couldn’t take it.

But you need more. You would always need more until there was nothing left.

“Once more, with feeling this time,” he teased.

You gaped up at him, completely surprised by his teasing demeanor before you giggled without control and smacked his chest. “Stop teasing! I meant that.”

“I’m not convinced,” his voice danced with a sing-songy edge and you were fumbling to stay in control of the situation with just how happy and playful he was.

 “I love you,” you tried again.

“Too flat.”

“I love you,” again even though you were giggling into his cheek and biting the skin of his smile.

“Too casual, do be serious, my love.” He smacked the skin of your ass in a manner that drew a blend of shock and laughter from your lips. “Mrs. Nanami, you’ll definitely have to practice more.” The sound of your new last name was a feeling that you had only heard a few times so far, but you couldn’t see yourself getting used to it anytime soon. The smile formed of its own volition, bending the edges of your mouth.  “Whenever you want to say it, I will always listen. But in the meantime, just let me love you. If you’ll allow it.”

Even at your most vulnerable, when you had bared your soul to him, he still humbly offered you the universe, seeking affirmation to make sure it was what you wanted.

“I’ll allow it,” you whispered. 

When he closed the distance between you both to mold his lips to yours for what felt like the millionth time that morning, you pulled him to you so that he could never let go. Maybe when his hips stopped rolling against yours and maybe after another orgasm you both could finally peel yourselves out of bed and leave the bungalow. Kento had a book to catch up on and you wanted to collect some seashells for Ulani.

But for now, it was just you both and the symphony of the waves, the salty air perfuming your sanctuary as he kissed every inch of your skin, soaking your pores with adoration and love that at times was too much for you to breathe through. 

As his lips trailed the curve of your collarbone, sunlight danced on the gleaming surface of your ring tangled in his hair—a tangible symbol of your shared journey, the challenges you both faced and the resounding fact that he still chose you. And when he coaxed your attention back to him with a bite on your bottom lip and another pearly white smile, you realized that it was always going to be you.

It had to be you.

He’d be a fool to settle for anything less.

[starryletters]

gojo; friends to lovers headcanons!

notes : set in 2006, reader being silly and a bit dense, gojo falls first and you fall just as hard , fluff! suguru and shoko mentioned bc i love their friendgroup🫶

a/n : eep my first (published) piece of writing! im so excited, and i hope people like it!!! this isn't the most polished, but i wanted to start off with something a little more simple ( ◡‿◡ *) anywhoo satoru is the boyfriend ever!

you met him when you joined the jujutsu high second years aka geto shoko and gojo!

and gojo IMMEDIATELY decided to annoy the shit out of you

but like in an endearing way (that's what he thought, at least)

surprisingly, you actually found him funny, and bantering with him back and forth quickly became your favorite part of every day.

he really liked how you were able to keep up with him and how easy it was to talk to you about anything and everything. no matter what he had to say, you had a reply (or an insult) ready to go.

satoru's a really physically affectionate person in general and he was over the moon when you didnt seem to mind how he randomly slung his arm around your shoulder or how he liked to fall asleep with his head in your lap. (i could tie to this whole thing to his infinity and talk about how sad it is for someone that shows love through physival affection to experience smth so traumatic that they put a LITERAL barrier between them and others preventing all forms of touch but..i wont!)

it wasn't anything romantic at first! (i love platonic physical affection, okay?)

but there were small moments where you felt his touch and felt such a warmth in your heart. you had pure adoration for him [and if you ever caught his stare, you would know he adored you the same.]

anywhoo! you always thought he was attractive because i mean, look at him

but you never really saw him as a romantic prospect. at least not until you talked to him and got to know him. which you told shoko later on, and she called you a freak of nature for it because "usually he has the opposite effect on people"

there wasn't really a distinct moment you can remember where you developed feelings for him. the realization totally caught you by surprise!

you were hanging out with your fellow second years after school, and gojo made some dumb dad joke, at which only he laughed (of course), but you glanced at him from the side and his laugh!!! it was so beautiful!!! like, why are you enchanted by this LOSER right now???

either way, that's when you noticed that maybe that feeling you got in your stomach whenever gojo touched you may not have been entirely platonic. horrified and also a teensy bit excited at your discovery you look away and try to make your blushing face cool down. cool, this was definitely gonna ruin one of the best relationships and friendships you've ever had! gojo knew geto and shoko before you, so if you ever confessed, it would probably ruin your friendship with them too! cool, cool, very cool.

of course, that was total bs, but whatever you were anxious at, your newfound feelings and relationships are confusing, and you maybe (definitely) had a bit of tunnel vision in that moment.

after that (like the smart person you are), you convinced yourself that "well. if i just avoid gojo..the feelings will probably go away, right?"

oh, you poor naive FOOL

first of all, avoiding gojo was no easy feat (just ask nanami)

second of all... by the point you realized your feelings, he was already completely WHIPPED for you

"suguru! did you see? she totally looked at me for two seconds longer than usual today!"

"uh-huh"

"she definitely loves me back, dont you think so too?"

"you're delusional."

"you're my best friend! you're supposed to indulge me in my delusions!"

definitely the type to lay on his stomach and kick his feet in the air while thinking about you

and he NEVER shuts up about you

shoko and geto seriously deserve financial compensation for this and are BAFFLED by the fact that you dont notice how lovestruck he is by you?

so as soon as he realized you stopped replying to his texts like you usually did and you didn't sit next to him anymore so he could lean his head on your shoulder, he was devastated

DEVASTATED

like what did he do????? why does the universe hate him??? ( like he isnt the strongest sorcerer ever?)

you thought you were clever for coming up with your "get rid of feelings for satoru" plan

but no. for days now everywhere you were, suddenly there he was.

you didn't give him the silent treatment or anything you just... kept your distance.

well, you tried anyway

man has no sense of personal space.

"i missed you." he pouts, leaning down and placing his head on your shoulder from behind. "we see each other everyday, thats not enough for you?" you replied, trying to remain calm while he was so SO close to you. "we barely saw each other at all yesterday!" he whines. "i was busy -" "no, you weren't." "yes, i was?" "nuh-uh, " your face contorts into a grimace. "seriously, how old are you?" "sev-" "it was a rhetorical question." he moves from his postion behind you and stands right in front of you. if he wasn't so silly looking, you would probably be intimidated by his towering height.

his face turns serious. "you've been avoiding me." he states, a small pout on his lips. shit, dont look at his lips! "eh..uh..what? no, i'm not! that's crazy talk..." you sputter nervously. he sighs, and puts his hands on your shoulders "are you okay?" he's genuinely concerned for you now. damnit why couldn't he be less likeable?! this was really throwing a wrench in your plan.

"i am..i'm just..uh..argh." you lower your head and massage your temple out of frustration. your heartbeat was going a mile a minute. "i didn't mean to avoid you, satoru." you say in a soft tone. a lie, but you couldn't handle telling him the truth. his face brightens instantly. "i'll forgive you if you pinky promise to never avoid me ever again." he reaches out his pinky. "wow, future me is gonna regret that when you get inevitably annoying.." you chuckle reaching out your hand to interlink your finger with his. this was good, this was normal. you felt normal, platonic, and normal feelings. yep. a bright grin spreads across his pretty face. "although.. you might still have to buy me something sweet to really convince me!" of course. "you're the worst." "you love it!" yeah, you do.

okay, plan b. push it all down and focus on your friendship!

you did really enjoy just being his friend after all..otherwise you wouldn't care so much about ruining your friendship!

so things went back to normal sort of...except for the fact that over the next few months, the romantic tension got worse and worse.

you thought it was just you being delusional when he started holding your hand more and more frequently, freuqently bought you small trimkets and gifts( his reason being " i thought of you!") told you how pretty and cool you looked after missions, even with your hair all messed up and uniform askew. you tried so hard not to read into it even though these things were obviously pretty romantic.

satoru thought he was going insane

"i mean??? am i not being clear enough, suguru? am i being too subtle?"

"i dont think the word subtle really suits you, in any situation ever."

at this point, he was close to giving up. maybe you just didn't like him as much as he liked you?

but then! one late summer night!

the first kiss!

which was sort of out of the blue but also not really, since you'd been pining for each other for a while.

he was invading spending time in your dorm room late at night again like he frequently did. he got real chatty at night. you were both sitting on your bed, and his head was leaning against your shoulder, the soft ends of his hair tickling your neck.

it was around mignight, his voice was low and he spoke in a hushed tone.

"..you know? and then he had the audacity to insult nintendo? like sorry you hate fun, loser? anyways my original point was..." he trails off his voice, getting lower and lower by the end. you turn your head in his direction, expecting to find him asleep. instead, your nose almost bumps against his.

his eyes are..so breathtaking this close, with the moonlight reflecting in his sapphire irises. his snow-white lashes flutter as he glances down at your lips. a silent request.

this moment was so full of tender love while still so quiet. you had never felt anything quite like it before. you nod ever so slightly and softly your lips meet eachother. slotting together like two puzzle pieces, it made something click in your brain. suddenly everything made sense.

after a few moments you pulled back. your face felt hot. it was still quiet. gojos thumb rubs over the back of your hand.

he leans his head back onto your shoulder, positively beaming, he giggled "like i was saying.." he starts again the smile still evident in his voice.

an equally bright grin breaks out on your face. he was not even acknowledging the kiss you two shared. but it felt right that he didn't. this moment felt so warm and so much like satoru. there was no more confusion and no words that needed to be said. you both understood what it meant. you both finally understood what you were.

what you failed to consider was telling your best friends. geto and shoko. the four of you were hanging out and gojo had to leave early for another mission, before he leaves he quickly pecks you on the lips (which to be fair surprised you too) before waving and running off. shoko's eyes were practically bulging out of her head, and getos face couldn't decide between a surprised expression and one of disgust. "what. was that." shoko furtows her brows. "uhh..oh! oh." you couldn't exactly pinpoint what you were supposed to say now. how did you forget to tell them? how did GOJO forget to tell them? granted, it only happened last night, but still... you had assumed he spent the rest of the night lying on his stomach, feet kicking, telling geto every detail. "we're dating?" you reply awkwardly. "damn it!" shoko exclaims, and suguru smiles smugly. odd reactions... that's what you thought until you saw shoko pull out her wallet and hand suguru a big wad of cash. "see? i told you they would figure it out before they turned 25." he chides.

thank you for reading!!! and i hope you liked it! im not sure about this formatting (w/ the tumblr bulleted list. it's like not spaced apart enough, yk?) anyway! im open to constructive criticism, but please be nice im sensitive LOL (ﾉω･､)

[4acoffee]

Prompt: “Am I a hero or the devil’s son? Can’t figure out what side I’m on.”

pairing. todoroki x reader

word count. ~900

genre & warnings. fluff, insecure todoroki, comfort

notes. here have this edited repost of an old drabble i did a while while back... mans so difficult to write for but so gorgeous he's a trap in every sense i swear. only i would suffer stiff shoulders the rest of my life for him anyway <3

The steady hum of the air conditioner running at full speed filled the air and left your skin pleasantly chilled. Your room was dark, long curtains draped over your windows, and the soft plush of the mattress covers under you were steadily making your eyes more and more difficult to keep open.

You could have fallen asleep so easily, if it weren’t for the warm body currently pressed gently to your side.

Earlier, UA's resident pretty boy, Shoto Todoroki, had unexpectedly turned up at your room, head hanging almost sheepishly, and asking in his soft, world-peace-fostering voice if he could come in.

And although it wasn’t out of the ordinary to find him hanging around your room at the dorms, he was generally always accompanied by Midoriya, or Iida. Your cozy little room was somewhat of a designated rest area for your friend group with your extra pillows and blankets, and the fluffy pink beanbag that Uraraka often curled up on.

Which is why you peeked behind him uncertainly at the empty space in the hall, but let him in nonetheless.

When he had seated himself comfortably on your bed, you attempted to ask him if everything was ok, and the only answer you received was a simple nod.

He looked exhausted. While the young hero was not as volatile as one particular blonde classmate you have, you know he still struggles to express himself easily. You figured he would open up to you in his own time if he really wanted to. So you decided not to prod and plopped down on the bed next to him, doing your best to ignore the way your heart started to race against your will at the proximity.

As you messed around on your phone, over the course of an hour, you came to the sudden realization that the two of you had unconsciously gravitated towards each other. Soon, your legs were curled up to your chest, with one hand gripping your phone, and the other getting sore because of the deceivingly heavy head of silky half and half hair now resting, frankly, uncomfortably on your shoulder.

You would have believed he was asleep with how quiet and still he was being, but his fidgeting hands on the cotton of your oversized shirt proved that he was still awake.

Besides the coma inducing fact that his mindless fussing was making your top steadily reveal the skin of your stomach, even in your groggy state you could practically feel the current of thoughts plaguing Todoroki.

He radiated something anxious and tired at the same time, and you couldn’t help but steal glances at him to try and gauge what he was thinking.

Just when you figured that maybe you’ll never truly figure out the mystery that was Shoto Todoroki, his hands stilled, and he said something so softly you struggled to hear.

“...am I a bad person?”

Your eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Did you hear him correctly?

You tilted your head at him and hummed in question.

He sighed deeply and you watched as his lovely heterochromatic eyes turned dark and sad.

“I’m trying my best to be the hero I always wanted to be as a child, but sometimes I wonder if I actually deserve to be here. My family has been through so much trouble because of me. Mom is in the hospital because she always had to protect me from him, Touya left because I had to be better than he could be, Fuyumi and Natsuro, father always neglected them because of me. It’s my fault that we couldn’t be a normal family. My fault the we can’t be together. All the time, I see real families, happy families around me, that need protecting — and I can’t help but think, — do I really deserve to be the one protecting them? If I can’t even keep my own family safe, do I really deserve to call myself a hero? Hero’s are supposed to be good, — am I good?”

You listened in astonishment as he rattled of reasons why he was a shitty person. His speach trailed into mutters and slurred words that you could barely put together. He sounded like he was barely concious and you think that at this point, he was more talking to himself.

In his sleepy rant of self-deprivation you did catch one thing as he buried his head further into your shoulder.

“Am I a hero or the devil’s son? I can’t figure out what side I’m on.” He said, dead serious.

A sputtered laugh was the only response you could muster, why did he have to be so dramatic sometimes?

He narrowed his eyes in indignation at your laughter and looked up at you through his lashes. You grinned apolagetically. “Sorry Todoroki, I didn’t mean it like that.”

You shifted to face him better, “It’s just — none of that is your fault. You know that right? No, clearly you didn’t know that or we wouldn’t be here.” You said, and he pouted further.

“It doesn’t matter what your past was like, we’ve all done some bad things in our lives, and what happened to you was completely out of your control. Just because you made some mistakes, doesn’t make you any less of a capable hero than any of us. In fact, it makes you better, because you know what there is to lose.” You reassured him.

He looked at you carefully, “Oh, you really think so?” he asked you, so hopefully you swore you felt a part of you melt.

“Of course” you told him, he spared you a soft smile.

You smiled back and nudged him playfully, “Now if your done moping, could you get off my shoulder, — I lost feeling in it hours ago.”

Masterlist

[makeitmingi]

The Cat and Dog Game [Chapter 17]

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Comedy

Pairing: Yunho x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Chef!Reader, RestaurantOwner!Yunho, MaitreD!Hongjoong, Waiter!Yeosang, Waiter!San, Waiter!Mingi, SousChef!Seonghwa, SousChef!Wooyoung, PrepChef!Jongho

Summary: Yunho's dream was to open and run his own restaurant. But he doesn't know anything when it comes to cooking. Until you came along and accepted the job, bringing with you a small crew. How will the black cat tame the energetic golden retriever?

Word count: 3.1K

The kitchen crew left a little later than usual, having to prepare for a little more extravagant dinner last minute. Yunho knew that he would have to properly thank them for what they did. Hongjoong, Yeosang, Mingi and San stayed a little later than normal too, to help clean up the place just a tad more.

"Why am I nervous?" Yunho asked himself. He couldn't seem to calm his anxious heart down so he drove back to the restaurant, hoping to distract himself with a task there.

What he didn't expect was to see the kitchen lights on and hear someone bustling around.

"(Y/n)?" Yunho blinked in surprise, pausing at the doorway. You were in your own world again, music blasting in your ears as you worked on your dish in front of you with a focussed frown on your face.

"(Y/n)." He called out a little louder this time, not wanting to surprise you like last time.

"(Y/n)." He repeated, randomly sliding a spoon your way. You looked up as the spoon came into your view.

"Oh, Yunho. What are you doing here?" You straightened up, removing one AirPod, just as confused about his presence as he was with yours. He offered a small smile in reply and a tiny wave.

"Couldn't seem to sit still. What about you? Shouldn't you be resting before dinner service?" Yunho asked. You merely shrugged in reply, returning back to what you were doing. Yunho watched on curiously, seeing you marinate meat.

"Grab a stool and sit. Unless you're planning to stand the entire way?" You spoke. Yunho went out to grab a spare foldable chair, making sure he wasn't in your way.

"Are you nervous?" Yunho suddenly asked. He watched your hands pause for a split second before continuing.

"No. Are you?" You questioned back.

"I think so." He replied honestly, letting out a small sigh. Silence hung in the air of the kitchen for a while, only the sound of you massaging the marinade into the meat was heard.

"Why?" You continued the conversation, removing your gloves and round the counter to grab the pressure cooker.

"I don't know... I... I encouraged my parents to come. They've been nothing but supportive in regard to this... But..." Yunho trailed off.

"You still haven't felt like you've succeeded and made them proud? Despite them telling you otherwise. Especially since you opened this with your late grandmother's money?" You finished. Yunho's eyes widened slightly, you were spot on. That was exactly how he felt without being able to word it.

"That's right..." He rubbed the back of his head. You had now moved to the stove, closing the pressure cooker lid and turning on the flame, setting the right pressure for the meat.

"I know it's dumb."

"No, it's not. It's completely normal to feel that way." You said, coming back to where he was.

Casting a glance over at Yunho and seeing his sad face tugged at your heart a little. You put your knife down on the board.

"Yunho, let me be real with you. At that point, you're the only one that can change the way you feel. No amount of comforting or assurance will remove that nervousness." You told him.

"Do you think you've done anything worthy of shame in opening this restaurant?" You asked.

"No, I don't. I feel like I've poured my heart and soul into opening this place into the dream that I had with my grandmother." Yunho said. All the effort from himself and his friends to put this place together, there wasn't an ounce of regret in it.

"Then? Do you feel like you've wasted your grandmother's money in this?" Yunho shook his head. If anything, he wished his grandmother could see what he's done with the place.

"But there's still things I could have done better. If only I had known from the start..." He sighed.

"Of course. There are always things to improve on. But you're learning, this is a learning process. I told you that when you opened."

Yunho remembers fondly, you helping him when he hid in the walk in, nervous and worried of what could go wrong on opening day. You gave him courage.

"There's still a lot of things you will learn and improve on in the future. It won't always be smooth sailing." You said.

"But you just have to keep going and take them head on. That's what you're good at, right?" You let out a small chuckle. Yunho's head shot up as a grin formed on his face. You were right, once again, he had to keep going. He couldn't let the negative thoughts cloud his head and affect his performance.

"Did someone tell you that? To keep going." Yunho asked curiously.

"My mother. She used to tell me that while we worked in the kitchen. Every cut, burn, fail, she told me to just keep going." You replied, picking up your knife.

"She sounds like an amazing person." Yunho said kindly. You didn't reply to that, merely letting out a hum.

"I guess I'm also nervous with the other parents coming too, I feel responsible for the 'careers' of their sons. They could be doing other things out there but they may feel 'stuck' here with me."

"I know how you feel." You said.

"You do?"

"Every kitchen I've been in, I've had Seonghwa, Wooyoung and Jongho with me. You've seen how talented they are. They could easily have secured a position at top restaurants. And yet, they give up so many offers to be with me." You explained.

"Because you're a good leader, (y/n). In many ways, you've given them so many opportunities I'm sure are not present in those professional kitchens out there." Yunho said.

"That may be true. But they could be earning more, have a stable job position, gain accolades." You shrugged.

"How do you overcome that feeling?"

"You don't... Until today, I always tell them that they can leave if they want to, I won't be mad. But they're stubborn, they always call me ridiculous." You had a soft smile on your face as you spoke.

"However, because of that, I know I can count on them and rely on them. I couldn't ask for a better team." You said.

"I feel the same about my friends. I'm so glad I have them with me, doing this with me."

"Then take each moment you have with them. Focus on what you have now, the confidence and faith you have in them. There'll always be 'what if's and doubts. It's a part of life. Every day, I ask Seonghwa why he's still with me. And after so many years, he still hits me on the back of my head for asking." You chuckled.

"I'm sure you're the same with Mingi." You said. Yunho nodded.

"He's been with me all the way, through everything that's happened in my life. The good and the bad." Yunho reminisced the memories of him and Mingi in middle school.

"So what are you making? I saw the list with everyone else's names on their dish." Yunho asked.

"Galbi tortelloni in seolleongtang broth with egg garnish and flavoured oils." You replied, walking into the pantry.

"Wow." Was all Yunho could say in reply. You hummed, cutting open the bag of gochugaru and pouring out what you needed onto the weighing scale.

"What's all that gochugaru for?"

"One of the oils is Korean chili oil. Take gochugaru, fry it in beef tallow then drain it." You said, going to the stove.

"Bring that over, please?" You requested. Yunho jumped to his feet immediately, bringing over the metal bowl with the gochugaru inside. You added some minced ginger into the mix and heated up the beef tallow, letting it melt and get hot.

"What other kind of flavoured oil are you making?" Yunho asked as you stirred the gochugaru in the melted beef fat to heat up.

"Spring onion oil. Just makes it fancy instead of sprinkling spring onions on top to garnish." You shrugged. Yunho nodded, watching you with interest.

"Now we turn off the heat and let that steep for 15 minutes then we drain it." You said.

"What are you going to work on now?" Yunho trailed behind you, following you back to the bench.

"We're going to make pasta." You retrieved a large metal bowl to hold all the ingredients that you were going to procure. It warmed Yunho's heart at how you naturally just said 'we' instead of 'me' or 'I'.

It seems like you didn't even notice it, just including him in without him having to offer his help as if it was second nature. He would never want to point it out and make you feel self conscious. And risk you stopping that habit, he liked that it was a sign you trusted him enough to rely on him comfortably.

"Eggs, oil, salt, tipo 00 flour." You placed the bowl of ingredients down on the bench.

"What po?" He tilted his head.

"Tipo 00 flour. It means that it is milled a lot finer than regular flour. It's made from softer types of wheat, giving it more protein and less gluten." You explained.

"Cool." He watched you accurately measure out the ingredients so the proportions will be right.

"Learning for to make fresh pasta or noodles in general has been one of the biggest game changers for me in culinary." You told him.

"Is all pasta made like this?" Yunho bent down next to you.

"Not really. Some use semolina or semola flour, which is hard durum wheat. It gives a tough texture, I use it if I want the pasta to keep it's shape like macaroni. But since I want to shape this pasta, I do it this way to get a softer dough that easier to work with."

"Wait, you're going to put galbi in the pasta?" Yunho's eyes widened. You nodded your head.

"That's why I have galbi jjim cooking in the pressure cooker. I'm going put chunks of meat inside. I also have seolleongtang cooking for as long as I have to make a rich broth." You pointed.

"Does cooking it in the pressure cooker make it taste better?" He knew his mother and grandmother used to use one too.

"Not exactly. I just don't have time to let it slow cook to soften. So using a pressure cooker speeds it up."

"I can't wait to taste the dish, (y/n)." Yunho grinned excitedly. You couldn't help but throw your head back in laughter. He was acting like the customer, not the owner.

"This is for the diners tonight." You shook your head.

"Well, I've got to eat too. Plus, you can't cook galbi jjim and not let me have some when you know it is my favourite. That's just being cruel." He pouted. Once again, you didn't know what came over you as you reached out to pat Yunho's head. It didn't help that his seated position made his height more reachable.

"I'm sorry! That really just keeps happening." You retracted your hand as realisation hit you. Yunho smiled softly, boldly reaching out to grab your wrist. He placed it on top of his head.

"I told you before. Don't apologise. I'm fine with it." He laughed. Yunho felt your hand just sit there for a bit.

But then, you moved. Your fingers gently carded through his hair as you stroked his head.

"Luckily I haven't started touching the flour yet." You commented.

"I'll be fine with that too." He said kindly. It was weird to describe, you've never really initiated physical contact with those outside your circle. But feeling Yunho lean into your touch made you soften.

"You're too kind, Yunho." You chuckled, pulling away and going to wash your hands so you could handle food again.

"I liked it so it wasn't me sacrificing anything." Yunho confessed shyly, his ears red.

You went back to work with Yunho accompanying you. You filtered out the chili oil and made the pasta dough, setting it aside to rest. Yunho had helped you with the hand kneading of the dough, even if it did take him a while to get the technique right.

"Here, try it. It's not done but we're getting there." You handed him a small bowl of the seolleongtang after having skimmed the impurities away from the top.

"Smells good." He leaned in to take a whiff. Yunho brought the bowl to his lips and took a sip.

"It's amazing. It's so good." He said, tasting the rich broth on his tongue. Yet, it wasn't too heavy or greasy.

"Hang on, taste it like this." You drizzled some chili oil and the green onion oil over the top. You looked at Yunho expectantly as he took another sip of the broth, now with the add ons.

"Now, tell me what you taste." You encouraged.

"The chili oil coats your tongue first, adding heat to cut the richness of the broth. Then you taste the green onion oil, it gives a fresh after taste."

"That's the intention." You smiled, happy with his answer. Yunho slowly drank the rest of the broth, wanting to savour the taste. His eyes still followed you as you moved around the kitchen to prepare. You made the egg garnish that will go on top of the dish, setting it aside for later.

"Take a break, (y/n). You've been on your feet for so long, take a seat." Yunho said, bringing his now empty bowl to sink to wash.

"Once I'm done with this." You replied. You rolled up the sheets of egg yolk and sliced it with your knife, doing the same with the sheets of egg white, to form noodle like strands.

"Yunho?" You turned around and saw that he wasn't there anymore. Leaving the kitchen, you found him outside.

"I made you a hot chocolate." Yunho blinked with the cup in his hand, about to bring it in to you.

"Not coffee?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Seonghwa hyung told us not to feed you too much caffeine..." He revealed with a wince. You rolled your eyes, mentally cursing Seonghwa for coming between you and your coffee.

"Thanks." You mumbled to show your unhappiness but gratefulness nonetheless. Yunho laughed at how grumpy you were when he told you what Seonghwa did. It was like you were trying not to throw a tantrum in front of him.

You sat at one of the side tables together, enjoying a short break and your drinks. Yunho sat opposite you, drinking his iced chocolate in solidarity with you.

"You can have coffee, you know?" You raised an eyebrow.

"It's okay. I don't mind this and I wouldn't want to tempt you to drink coffee." Yunho smiled. Gosh, he was too nice for his own good.

Your phone rang and you held the device, seeing Wooyoung calling you. Looking up at Yunho, he blinked back in confusion. You answered the call, sliding the phone to him.

"Yah! Where are you?!"

"Umm... Hi, Wooyoung." Yunho replied hesitantly while you looked out the window innocently, not wanting to be a part of this.

"... Yunho? Is that you? Why are you answering (y/n)'s phone? Where is she?"

"Hi. Yes, it is me. (y/n) handed the phone to me after answering so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say... We're both currently at the restaurant actually." Yunho spoke, a little worried with how Wooyoung was yelling but you seemed unaffected by it. Almost like you were used to this.

"Wait, wait. You're both at the restaurant? Did you even leave at all? I know (y/n) did because we dropped her home."

"Oh, I did. Don't worry. I just came in early and bumped into (y/n), who was already here. Do you... want to talk to her?" Yunho asked. You shook your head, mouthing 'no'.

"It's fine, she's probably hiding so she doesn't get in trouble. We're here to pick her up but I came upstairs to find her apartment empty."

"I see." Yunho looked at you with wide eyes and panic. You were stifling your laugh with your fist.

"Yah, (y/l/n) (y/n), I know you're listening now. Don't think you can use Yunho as a shield. You're gonna get it from us, especially Seonghwa hyung. Thanks, Yunho. We'll be there in a bit."

"Alright. See you." Yunho said and Wooyoung hung up. You let out a sigh. The boys wouldn't have let you come in early to prepare if they knew, worrying about you and wanting you to get enough rest. So you snuck here.

"Okay, Yunho. So you gotta protect me when the 3 come in here." You put your hands together.

"I'm sorry, (y/n). But all 3 of them scare me in some way." Yunho said.

"That's betrayal right there. Aren't golden retrievers supposed to be loyal and protective?" You asked jokingly, making Yunho shoot you a flat look.

"Why didn't you tell them you were coming here early to prep? They must have been worried." Yunho asked.

"Well, if I told them, they wouldn't let me come. Some times, I just want to cook. It's my own form of relaxation and doing it alone grounds me, brings me peace." You said.

"But they see it as me overworking." You scoffed. Any distraction away from your parents would suffice for you.

"They're just being good friends that are concerned about you." Yunho said. He knew how they felt because he would be concerned about you too. His words reminded you of Seonghwa's words this morning, him telling you how genuinely worried Yunho was about you when you called in 'sick'.

"Thank you for being a good friend and worrying about me, Yunho. But I'm okay, don't worry." You smiled softly, grateful that he openly cared for you even if you were new friends.

"I'm glad to hear that." He returned the affectionate smile. You looked out the window, leaning on your hand.

"If I had known you wanted to cook alone to get some peace, I would have come outside a lot earlier. I hope I didn't bother you." He said.

"You know what, I did get peace. I think I liked having you there with me in the kitchen." You confessed. If Yunho was shocked by your words, he didn't show it.

"Really? I wasn't too distracting?"

"Not at all. I thought I wanted to be alone. But you being there made me realise how much I didn't want to be alone. And when you left the kitchen first, I just hated the idea of being left on my own."

~

Series masterlist

[fieldofdaisiies]

Azriel x Reader | Falling Apart

type: angst warning(s): mentions of childhood abuse, childhood trauma, all in all rather gloomy, get ypur tissues ready because Az is a very sad boy in this word count: 1.9k words summary: Your child gets hurt when you are away. Azriel blames himself, thinking he is a bad father and childhood memories come crashing in on him.

- all rights reserved -

“I am home,” you say into the dimly lit room, your voice low because it is already later in the evening. Unease settles into your gut because you immediately know something is off. Normally either your daughter or your mate would come running to you, happily greeting and embracing you. Not today. Today your house is silent, there are no noises, no sounds, no movement. One cound hear a needle drop.

Unease spreads out and makes your stomach churn when you toe off your boots. You hang your coat up and swallow the lump in your throat. Something must be off. Because even if they tried to surprise you, you knew you would hear some giggling from your daughter or Azriel shifting on the floor. Not today. Dead silence fills the house, dread hanging in the air.

You come to a quick halt, knees threatening to buckle and arms dropping limp to the sides of your body. Icy heat fills your chest when your gaze lands on his figure. His trembling figure. Head hanging low between his legs, hands crossed over the nape of his neck, Azriel is shuddering, his shoulders shaking with…silent sobs.

You make a beeline for him, scared and anxious about what has happened. You touch his shoulder and he shudders. You could practically feel the temperature drop at least five degrees in the room. 

There is only one thing on your mind: your daughter.

“Everly. Ever—“ Azriel gives his head a tiny shake. “She is alright. Now she is alright. I fucked up, Y/N,” Azriel says with a trembling voice, shuddering when he turns his head ever so slightly. You sit down on the couch next to him, partly relieved to hear that your daughter is fine, but what the hell has happened?

“What happened?” you ask in a clam voice, your hand moving over Azriel’s thighs, fingers softly curling around it. A pained look spreads over your mate’s face, his hand closing over the one you have placed on his thigh. Azriel tries to hold your gaze, but eventually lowers it to his lap, his chin dipping to his chest, his shoulders hunched. There is not sight of his shadows.

“She hurt herself today. She hurt herself because I wasn’t paying attention. Everly…she…she…” Azriel’s trembling voice breaks and you spot a tear fall from his eye to the floor. “She burned her hand because she reached for the pot. I just turned away from her for a second and she…”

Your hand leaving Azriel’s thigh, you curl both your arms around his neck, pulling him to your body. “Oh Azriel,” you whisper against the side of his head. “How badly did she get burned?”

“I wasn’t much, just her index finger and her thumb, but it was because of my lack attention.”

Relief only fills you shortly that your daughter didn’t get hurt too badly. The feeling is quickly eroded by anguish and empathy for your mate. Obviously he would blame himself. And of course you should always be careful when it comes to children as they could be unpredictable, you could also not avoid everything. You know that Azriel is a good father, that he loves Everly more than anything. And you also know that things like this can happen. That things like this can happen even to the best parents. 

You place a soft kiss above his ear, your hand smoothing down his arm. “It is not your fault, Azriel. Yes, of course, it is not good that she got burned, but things like this…they can happen. They do happen. No parent is perfect. You cannot protect your child from every little danger. You—“ “It was not a little danger. I left her alone with a pot of boiling water. I went to look for noodles and left her on the counter. Alone. I left her alone.”

Azriel’s posture is stiff, his muscles rigid and his skin clammy with cold sweat. You feel his pain, his anguish, his sorrow through the bond. It leaves a bitter taste at the back of your mouth, your heart squeezing. Obviously you know why he is in so pain–memories of his childhood still haunt him today. The trauma that has been caused to your mate is still poignant at times and it does something to the way he perceives himself as a father. It wrecks him. 

You cradle your mate’s head in your arms, leaning back onto the couch and pulling him with you. Azriel slumps to your chest, arms sliding around your and holding you tightly. 

“What if I become like him?” he rasps, his tears now wetting your shirt. “In moments like that I just see him standing there again. See him standing there, knowing what my step-brothers did to me and not caring a single bit. I still see the indifferent expression on his face while he told me it will heal and I should act like an Illyrian warrior and not a little baby. I still see how little he cared when my step-mother locked me into this…dungeon in her cellar. He was so neglectful…I don’t want to become like him.”

Everything stops in that very moment. Your breathing halts, your heart comes to a near stop, squeezing so hard it makes your chest ache. Anguish fills every fiber of your body, your blood boiling in your veins at how angry you got when thinking about how wrong and bad Azriel thinks of himself. How could Azriel even think that he would become like his father? Not in a million years would he ever be like him. 

“Gods, Azriel,” you exclaim and pull away from him, holding his face in your palms, “you will never be like him. Never ever. Not in a million years will you ever be like him. Everly burned herself in a moment where you maybe did not look, but that is natural and that can happen. What your father has done to you, to all his children, his in no way comparable to that.”

You features soften, gaze piercing into Azriel’s empty, dead eyes. His hands clench into fists behind your back and his throat works on a swallow. When he parts his lips, his voice is hoarse, his throat dry. “But I did not look out for her. It is my job as her father to protect her from all dangers,” Azriel stutters, his knuckles pressing into your back. You feel him tremble against you. 

Azriel’s lips pinch together and he exhales a shuddering breath. He removes his arms from around and gets up, towering over you. Dread reaches you through the bond, heavy and tangy. 

Shaking his head, Azriel releases a gloomy sigh. He clears his throat, a single tear rolling down his cheek. “I still fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up at the one thing I should be good at. There are not many things that matter to me. You and Everly being save are the most important ones and I fucked up.” He folds his hands behind his neck, throwing his head back, groaning loudly. It is agonizing seeing him like that. You reach for him, his thigh, fingers brushing over him. 

“You did not. Everly burned her palm, yes, that is not amazing, but with her fae and Illyrian powers it will heal quickly. And most importantly it won’t happen again.”A

Azriel meets your gaze, a sad grimace on his face, eyes slightly widened. He looks utterly shattered, disheveled and broken. “What if it happens again?”

“It won’t—“

“I am not worthy of taking care of a child. I am not fucking worthy of being a father, Y/N. I am—“ “Shut up! You shut up now!” You voice is louder than you had expected. You sit up straighter, startling Azriel whose eyes go wide. You quickly reach for his hands, pulling him down to your again, his chest heaving with deep and quick pants. “You are the best father Everly could have hoped for. You are the best father I could have ever wanted for my children. Everly loves you. I love you for how you treat her. How you care for her. How much you protect her. Yes, she burned her hand and? It will heal and she has learned a life lesson. We won’t always be able to protect her from everything and we don’t have to. Everly has to find out things herself as well. Only then she can grow.” 

You reach your hand out, grabbing Azriel’s in both of yours. “You are doing so great as a father. You are an incredible parent. You are incredible and I couldn’t love you any more for that. I want to have more children with you because I know that I have them with you. Because I know that you will be by my side. That we will raise those children together. There is absolutely no one I would rather want as their father. No one I would rather want to spend the rest of my life with. To see my children grow up with.”

You bring his hands to your mouth, kissing his scarred knuckles. “Yes, she burned herself while you did not pay attention, but this is not your fault. Everly is a nosy and impatient child. It should not happen, of course, but it can happen. I am not blaming you and neither will she. Everly loves you more than you can you imagine. You are her hero, her entire world. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

You smile at Azriel–a smile full of love, of empathy, of understanding and forgiving. 

Of course, it worries you that your little baby got hurt and you wish she could have been protected from it, but that does not mean that Azriel has to take the blame on him.

“You are…” Azriel whispers, a sob cutting through his uttering. He lifts one hand out of your hold and brushes it over his damp cheek. “What if something worse—“ “We should not dwell on what ifs. Nothing worse happened and that’s it. Of course, we have to be careful. She is so young and so adventurous, but for now…everything is good. She is fine and has tiny wounds that will heal soon. Azriel, it is all good.” You let his hand drop and bring him close to you again, pressing your forehead against his. 

“You are such a good father, please, remember that. Please, don’t always just look at the small bad things. You are brilliant as a father. I want you to know that. To remember that.”

Azriel's shoulders shake with silent sobs, his eyes squeezed shut. “I still don’t know how I deserve you, but all I can say is that I love you so much, Y/N. You are the best mate in this world. And you are the best mother Everly could have hoped for and that I could have hoped for to have at my side.”

feel free to leave some feedback💙

~~~~~~~~~~~~

tags (crossed-out I couldn't tag): @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbitxh @cityofidek @moony-thoughts @wrensical003 @cherryjain17 @moonfawnx @crushedcloudsx @devilsfoodcake22  @valeriedarkness @azrielscertifiedslut @mulansaucey @cynicalpotato95 @hanasakr @high-bi-andreadytocry @eerievixen @feyretopia @moonlightazriel @randomness-it-is @brekkershadowsinger @eliieee23 @girasoli-e-sorrisi @illyrianvalkyriecarynthian  @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @theworthlessqueen  @aayo-whatt

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 22 Part 2)

Word count: 18.7k

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Sam x OC

Warnings: Alcohol, Cursing, Dramatic Themes. Angst Including: Talks of Infidelity, Toxic Themes, Stalking, Arguing, Yelling, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Abandonment, Heartbreak, Talks of Illness, Extreme Illness, Hospitalization, Talks of Death and Dying, Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical Violence. Talks of Pregnancy, Pregnancy Complications, Pregnancy Loss/Termination. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Fingering, Oral F!Receiving, Oral M!Receiving, Penetration, Rough Sex, Voyeurism. Fluff.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

SAM POV

“Is there a faster setting for these windshield wipers? Cause these things are shit.” You asked Elle as you pulled into the tiny neighborhood in Cape Cod, peering through the thick falling raindrops to see if any of the buildings looked like the one in the Air BnB photos. You’d flown into Boston and rented a car, the perfect small-town birthday getaway, all planned by your lovely Elle. 

“Oh, there it is, babe! That one on the corner. It says we can park on the street.” Elle said, pulling on the rain boots she’d ditched the minute you got in the car. 

You pulled the car up as closely as you could to the front door of the tiny old house, situated perfectly on a row of about ten others that looked just the same. “It’s so cute!” Elle muttered.

“I can’t even see it, it’s raining so hard!” You yelled over the loud drops pounding on the sunroof. “Let’s wait a second while it calms down before we take everything inside.” 

“Mmm…okay.” She complained. 

“So anxious to get inside, babe…?” You said, running your hand over the back of her head. 

“Maybe. Yes. I’ve just planned this so quickly in the last few days, thinking we were gonna be out on the road instead of getting to do something special. I just can’t believe we actually made it, is all.” She leaned back into your touch, calming her jittery and excited nerves. 

You offered her a smile. “I’m excited too, babe. I can’t believe we made it either, honestly. And thank you, for planning this. You’re the best.” You sighed, watching as the rain let up a bit. “We should be soundchecking right now.”

“I’m sorry, love. I know you’d rather be out there playing.” She relented. 

“No, no. Not rather. Not rather at all. It’s just you get yourself in this mindset to go and do something like that, it takes a long time to get yourself there. Then it just stops. But it’s okay, shit happens. Jake needs to heal more than anything. Top priority.” You said, giving her a little smile. 

“Yes. Top priority. He will be okay, babe. Just needs some time.” She said, clicking the toes of her boots together. “Ready to go in now?”

——

You’d spent the afternoon making yourselves at home in the little house, a quaint place right on the water. The air still had a wintery feeling, but it didn’t stop the place from slowing down. You’d decided to take a walk down into town once the rain turned to a drizzle, seeing what all you could find in your short stay. It was straight out of a Hallmark movie; Main Street still bustled with people and tourists even this time of year. 

You picked out a few spots you wanted to come back and visit, making mental note to remember them. Restaurants, record stores, gift shops…everything you needed in one little place. 

It had gotten fairly late, and after a tiny takeout dinner, you had retreated to the oversized couch to watch a movie as you both let the jet lag set in. 

“So tomorrow. Your birthday. You pick what we do, the whole day.” Elle said as the two of you cuddled up under a blanket when the movie was over.  

“The whole day?” You said, scratching your peach fuzz. 

“Yep. Morning into night.” 

You picked her legs up from the floor and brought them to rest in your lap, massaging her muscles. “Hmm, well I think we should start off taking a shower, and you can wash my hair with that smelly-good stuff you have…” you let your hand travel up her leg, fingers digging into her thigh. 

“Then we can walk down to that Bread & Roses place and get coffee…then spend the day just exploring, maybe go out on the boat and see the humpbacks…” your hand ghosted over the hem of her sweatpants, fingers slipping in just barely as she let her eyes bore into yours. 

“Mmmhm, then what?” She said. 

“Then we can come back and get ready for dinner, you can put on that sexy black dress I saw you put in your suitcase…” your hand snuck below her waistline now, hand grazing over her heat. She smirked hard. 

“You saw that, huh?” She asked, clicking her tongue. “That was supposed to be a surprise, Sammy.”

“It still will be, baby. You never cease to surprise me. So then we can go get some seafood, and drink too much wine…” you watched as she began to lose composure at your touch, as you slipped a digit between her folds. 

“Way too much wine…” she breathed, arching her back just a little. 

“Wayyy too much…” you agreed, allowing your hand to go to work as you maintained eye contact. 

“Then we can cuddle up right back here again, and do this again…and again and again…” you slipped your middle finger inside her as her legs fell open under the blanket, and her jaw fell slack. 

You sat still, half of you wanting to grab her and take her into the bedroom, the other half wanting to sit here and undo her, with her completely at your will. 

You watched as her hands stayed under the blanket, gripping your thigh underneath you. Her face was contorting into beautiful and blissed-out expressions as you worked, hooking your finger slowly deep inside her. “Again and again?” She panted. 

“Uh huh, as many times as you want…” you replied, moving your thumb to make tiny swirls on her sweet spot. 

“How’s that feel, baby? Feel good?” You asked her, voice low and gravely against the sound of the rain picking back up again. 

“Yeah, feels so good…”  she moaned a high pitched sound, letting you know she was enjoying herself. “But Sammy, it’s your birthday. You should be the one getting all the special treatment.”

“Eh, yeah maybe. But watching you like this…it’s it’s own special kind.” You began moving your pace a bit faster, adding another finger inside her. 

Her head tilted back as her hands gripped your leg harder, completely falling apart right here on your lap. She hummed and gasped for air, her knees opening and closing over and over. 

"Sammy, please…keep goi-"

 “We’ve got three whole days for you to treat me, baby. Right? You gonna do that for me later, too?” 

She nodded hard as her hips began to grind up into your hand. “Of course I will baby. Whatever you want. It’s all yours...” She brought her eyes to yours again, giving you a look that came straight from another world. God this woman…

You brought your face closer to hers, gritting your teeth. “You know what I want right now, Eleanor…go ahead and give it to me…” you growled in her ear. 

Seconds later she was coming undone at your words, riding out her high as you continued to move your hand in and out of her, mouthfuls of pitiful words falling from her lips. You swear you could never get enough of her like that, and you weren’t sure you would ever get tired of it. Even if you got nothing in return, just watching her fall apart at your mercy was enough. 

“Fuck Sam, that was…a welcome surprise.” She laughed, letting her arm fall over her eyes. “I like the idea of us just doing that kind of thing over and over and over again..” She sat up a bit, wrapping her arms around your neck. “What time is it?” 

You clicked your phone screen on the table. “11:49.” 

“Close enough.” She popped out from under the blanket, and dashed into the bedroom and then into the kitchen. You heard the refrigerator door open and close, and a few seconds later she was coming back into the room with a plate, with a lit candle sticking out of something on the top. 

“Happy birthday to Sammy, happy birthday toooooo Sammy…” she sang, a giant smile on her face as she held her hand in front of the flame while she walked. She set the plate down in front of you. “Make a wish, silly!” She beamed. 

You smiled hard at her, rubbing your hands together as you closed your eyes, making a scene out of making your wish. 

For the love of all that is holy, please let this discussion I’m about to have with Elle go smoothly, please don’t let her leave me, and please help her to know that she’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me…

You opened your eyes, and blew out the candle. She clapped her hands and took the candle out, bringing the plate up in front of your face. You could hardly make out what it was in the dim light of the room. 

“That smells amazing, what is that?” You asked. 

“My granny’s old recipe for homemade cinnamon rolls!” She answered, running her finger along the top of it, taking some icing and licking it off. 

“When did you make these?!” You asked. 

“When you were out running errands the other day. Here, try some…” she handed you a fork and you both dug in. 

“Holy shit, Elle. That’s the best fuckin thing I’ve ever eaten. Please marry me tomorrow.” You said with a full mouth. 

She blushed hard. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!” She laughed, sitting back onto the couch and covering herself with the blanket. You placed the plate back on the table, and laid back with her. 

You were trying your damnedest to find the right time to talk to her, tell her what you’d done. You knew it wasn’t going to be pretty, and you absolutely expected the worst. You deserved anything she threw your way, and you’d prepared yourself for her to pack her things and leave when you got back home.

But for right now, her yawns were becoming more and more frequent. And you decided it could wait until tomorrow. For now, you’d let yourself enjoy the peace of her presence, just for a little while longer. 

“Happy birthday, Sammy.” She said as she gave you the sweetest look, adoration filling her to the brim. It hurt your heart, to know that tomorrow you’d probably be breaking hers. 

——

The next morning you and Elle walked hand in hand along the beach, picking up shells as you sipped your coffees. It was chilly and breezy, and the beach wasn’t too crowded just yet. There was more rain in the forecast though, calling for heavy showers and colder temperatures all night. 

“Oh my god babe, look!” You suddenly called out, picking a shell up from the sand and bringing it over to her. “It’s abalone! This is my favorite shell!”

You both examined it, cleaning off the bits of sand to let the iridescent rainbow colors shine through. 

“Guidance.” Elle said. 

“What?” 

“These symbolize guidance, within like, relationships and love.” She went on, giving you a tiny sweet smile. “Are you looking for guidance with something, Sammy?”

Uh, fuck. Yeah, kinda. Wow. 

You shrugged, gulping down a hard swallow. “Guess it’s always cool to have a little extra help from the…ocean, hah.”

Elle giggled. “So how does 23 feel?” She asked, pushing her heavy waves behind her ear. The oversized sweater she had on was draping over her shoulder, sitting perfectly on her tiny frame. 

“Feels like 22 but cooler.” You answered, kicking through the icy water, sticking the abalone in your pocket. “How is 24?”

“It’s the best year I’ve had yet.” She smiled, always being the glass half-full type of person. 

“It has been a good year, hasn’t it?” You answered. “Except for, well, our most recent bummer. Hopefully this doesn’t set the pace for the rest of tour…”

“I hope not.” Elle went on. “You wanna walk down to the pier and get a sandwich or something?” 

The two of you made your way to get lunch, stopping at little gift shops along the way. You’d ended up underneath the pier after you ate, the air slowly getting cooler as a drizzle blew in. Elle was standing next to one of the pier beams, looking at all the clusters of barnacles stuck to the sides. 

“Elle sells sea shellllls…” you sang as you approached her. “Ew, that’s gross. What are all these things?” You asked, flicking away at some of the crusty old growths. 

“Don’t take them off! They’ll die if you remove them!” Elle swatted your hand away. 

“Shit, my bad.” You hopped back, hands up in surrender. 

“Look, babe…” she pulled her arm in front of her, gently grabbing a tiny shell from the cluster. “Ammonite…” she said, bringing it close to her face. 

“Well great, now it’s gonna die!” You complained. 

“No, this isn’t a barnacle, dummy. It’s an ammonite shell. Do you know how rare these are? And look, it’s opalized…” She said quietly, the wind blowing her hair in front of her face. 

“No, I don’t guess… how do you know all this stuff?” You inquired, truly impressed that she did. “You didn’t even grow up near the ocean…”

“I know a lot of cool things, Sammy.” She said blankly, still closely inspecting the perfect spiral shell, in pure awe that she found it. 

“Why don’t you keep it? I can make you a necklace or something out of it.” You suggested. 

“Really? Can you?” She said, finally smiling. 

“Sure. Couldn’t be too hard. Little dremel action. I’ll figure it out.” You promised her. You knew you’d give her anything in the world if it meant she’d give you that sweet smile again. 

“I’ll wear it every single day. Never take it off.” She said, slipping it in her coat pocket for safe keeping. 

“And what does the mighty ammonite shell symbolize, oh Wise Knower of All Things Ocean?” You teased. 

She rolled her eyes and laughed again. “Change. Just, change.”

——

The rain was falling heavier now, as you and Elle munched on your seafood takeout, opting to stay in with your dinner and wine instead of going out. She’d set the table nicely, lit candles and transferred all the food from the to-go boxes onto nice plates. You cracked a few windows, letting the smell of the rain mixed with the ocean air blow in slightly through the house. You were nearing the bottom of your first bottle of Chardonnay, fully intending on starting the second bottle the minute it was empty. 

“Babe, you didn’t have to put the sexy black dress on, I was just kidding.” You joked. 

She scoffed. “Of course I did, it’s your birthday. Gotta wine you, dine you, and give you a show. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t?” 

You giggled. “I’m also glad you got oysters. You know what they say abou-”

“Sam. We all know. You say it every single time we eat oysters…” she rolled her eyes as she sipped her wine. 

“What? No I don’t, it’s true though…” you defended yourself. 

“I know it is.” She sighed. “That’s why I ordered them.” 

“That’s my girl…” you gave her a flirty and devilish laugh. “You’re already killing me in that dress, it’s…truly something. Hope these oysters work their fuckin’ magic…” you said. 

She stood from the table, swishing her hips from side to side, knowing she was giving you a show. “All finished, Samuel?” She asked in a sultry voice  as she leaned down low, putting her boobs in your face as she took your plate. 

“Yes…all done…” you were quickly falling into her trap, getting more turned on with every passing second just by watching her.

“I’ll do the dishes later, we’ve got other things to attend to, hm?” She said, walking back over and straddling you in the chair. She brushed your hair back, hands wrapped around your face as she took you in. Finally she connected her lips to yours, brushing her wine-soaked tongue into your mouth. Her hands wrapped around your head and your neck as she started kissing you harder, giving you immediate indication of exactly what she wanted. God, you were already so turned on, but, you were also bursting at the seams to tell her. You had to talk to her, right now.

You pulled away quickly. “Stop. Elle, stop.”

“What, babe? What’s wrong?” She said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

You began to stand the two of you up, hand in hand, walking to the couch to grab the blanket and lead her into the sunroom. The wall was nothing but big windows, a perfect view of the now stormy waves blowing up onto the beach. There was another giant couch in here, plush and white and covered with pillows. You sat down, motioning for her to join you. 

She sat, and you threw the big blanket across you again. “What is it, Sam? You’re scaring me. Is something wrong?”

“No. Well, yes. Yeah, actually.” You took a breath as you took her hands under the blanket, preparing yourself for the storm that was about to hit. The guilt was eating you alive. 

“Elle, you know I love you more than anything, anything in the entire world, right?” You prefaced, looking her directly in the eyes. 

“Yeah, I know. God Sam, what? What is it?” She asked, anxiety setting in. 

“Just let me…” you huffed, running a hand over your face. “That night, in Vegas. I, uh. I did something really bad, Elle.” You felt a lump form in your throat, watching as her eyes filled with dread. 

“After Jake left, and you got sick and went to sleep, um. Y/N and I went to smoke, and…things kind of…”

“No, Sam. No…don’t…” she said, letting go of your hands. 

You stayed steadfast in your confession. “We hooked up, Elle. Behind your backs. I did it, and…I have no excuse at all. It just… happened. And we both had immediate, immediate regret. It was the most stupid decision I’ve ever made in my life, Elle. And I can never take it back. I will never forgive myself, ever. You don’t deserve that, you never did. And I put our relationship in jeopardy. After everything we built. And I’m so, so sorry baby.” You began to cry a little, seeing the look on her face. She stayed silent. 

“I’m so sorry. I should have told you immediately after it happened. But I’m stupid, I guess. I don’t expect you to forgive me. Hell, ever. But I just… wanted to tell you. I couldn’t lie to you any more.” You bit your lips together as the tears fell. You felt relief, but not the good kind. 

After a few seconds of hell, she finally spoke. “Does Jake know?”

You nodded. “Yeah, he knew the night it happened. I’m so sorry Elle. They both begged me to tell you, even threatened to do it themselves. But I made them promise me they wouldn’t. It had to come from me.”

"So you lied to me, all that time. All the times we had sex…you told me you loved me, you…” she shook her head, standing from the couch. “You lied to me, Sam. For a good while, why did you-"

“I’m so sorry Elle. Yes I did, I lied to you. And I…I don’t know why I did. I guess I just, everything with Jake happened so fast, and it was so scary, and I was in a weird headspace with that, and worrying about him. And then tour got postponed, I just– I should have told you. As soon as it happened. And I apologize for making that horrible decision. It was thoughtless, Elle. And you don’t deserve that. Neither does Jake.”

She shook her head, letting everything hit her as she sat back down on the other end of the couch. She wiped away a few stray tears. “I think I need a minute. Can you…”

“Yes. Whatever you need. Just, come back to me, soon. Please Elle. Please don’t leave.” You begged, walking slowly to her and holding out your hand. She didn’t grab it. She looked away, pulling a pillow from the stack and curling her body around it, looking out the windows as the rain pounded. 

Fuck. 

What now? 

You retreated back into the kitchen, blowing out the candles and closing the windows. You kept your mind distracted and your hands occupied, cleaning up the table and doing the dishes. You cleaned the entire kitchen, wiped down the counters and even scrubbed the sink. 

She just needs a minute. Just needs some time. 

After you cleaned until there was not a thing out of place, you grabbed your acoustic from the case in the bedroom, sitting back on the couch in the living room to play a little, hoping it’d bring you some solace. 

What came out first was the Age of Machine riff that you wrote so long ago, on a rainy day just like this one. You remembered the day you played it for Jake, thinking it was just going to be something he brushed off. 

“Wait, wait…what was that? Do that again.”

“That’s fuckin' scary, Sam. God damn…let’s keep going with it.”

Your fingers plucked away as your mind raced over what had just happened. Was she crying? Should you go in there?  Then it hit you, her favorite song. 

You began to strum the first few chords of Anthem, hoping she’d hear and come back in and be ready to talk. You hummed along, remembering again when you all wrote it. How simple it was. No frills, nothing fancy. Just good guitar, simple percussion, and really powerful lyrics. 

You played for a long while, moving then into something else entirely, big foreboding bellowing sounds then tight and cheery ones, letting the thoughts running through your mind come out through your hands. Darkness fell completely in the house, and you started to worry about Elle, and if she would ever come back. 

“Sammy.” You finally heard. You popped up, turning around on the couch to face her. 

She walked over slowly, eyes puffy and red and face swollen with tears. She sat carefully on the edge of the couch as you sat up, wanting nothing more than to console her. 

“I was going to sleep with Jake that night.” She said finally. 

“Uh, yeah? You…you were?” You were caught off guard, knowing that that night had gotten really wild really fast; you knew that while you were busy with Y/N, Jake and Elle were entertaining themselves. You remembered though, not harboring much feeling about it. 

“Yes. We talked about it. We were going to…because we assumed you guys were going to, too. Well, at least I assumed…” she scooted a little closer to you as you listened. “Jake and I were…very close that night. And I even texted him and apologized for coming on too strong. But, then Josh called, and I got sick…” 

“Yeah, yeah baby that’s exactly how it went. And that’s when I made my decision.” You answered. 

“Sam, stop.” She shook her head. “I’m not mad at you, really. I’m… very disappointed. That you lied. Y/N too. My best friend, your best friend.” You nodded. “But that night was so crazy, so uninhibited, we were all, all over the place…I’m sure you were all surprised at me and Y/N taking things where we did, and that’s something else I never really talked to you about. We never…none of us ever talked it through. I guess I know why now…”

“Jake, was he…?” She asked. 

“Pissed? Yeah, unbelievably so. Elle, they aren’t together anymore. They’ve been broken up for about a month. Well, since that night. They’ve been lying to us all to keep morale up, keep things normal. But, yeah. They broke up.” You explained. 

“What?” She said. “No, fuck! God, Sam. What on earth…”

You nodded, feeling sad for them, too. 

“When I texted Jake to apologize, he didn’t tell me that. He barely even remembered he and I being so…close. Sam, if things hadn’t gotten stopped, I was…” she caught her words, shaking her head as she tried to speak. “I was going to ask your permission. I was going to see if you were going to be with Y/N. Because I was going to be with Jake.”

Hm. Okay, well. This conversation wasn’t on your bingo card for the night of your 23rd birthday. 

You leaned back on the couch. “What a fucked up situation.” You relented. “But, you aren’t mad at me? How is that even right, Elle? I cheated on you.”

“Yeah, you did. And fuck you for that, truly.” 

Deserved that. 

“Absolutely, yes. Keep cussing me out. Fight me, slap me if you want. Catch a plane and leave, go back home and pack your things, I get it. I deserve that, because I don’t deserve you, and your heart, Elle. Your big, beautiful, smart, intense and over caring heart. You’re a million times the person that I could even think about being. Just when I think I have shit figured out, you always come and knock me on my ass with something better. You make me want to be better, Elle. All the time.”

“When I’m challenged with something, anything at all, I literally ask myself, ‘What would Elle do?’ I swear to god I do that at least once a day. You inspire the ever living fuck out of me. You make me laugh, because you’re always so unapologetic about being your pure self. When you left, that first time, I swear I didn’t know how I was going to make it. You disappeared, and I was lost for so long, Elle. And when you came back, god, it was like I was whole again.” 

You held your head in your hands, listening as a low roll of thunder rumbled in the distance. You thought about Y/N, and how for the longest time, both of them took up space in your mind. Your feelings for them were the same, in love with two people at once. But then, out of nowhere, it hit you. 

You moved to Elle, taking her hands in yours. “When I picture my future, when I’m older and we slow down, or whatever. It’s always you there with me. It always has been. Watching Jake in that hospital bed, and watching him fight to breathe as they took him away, his face turning blue and purple as he reached for me, it kinda. Ah, it…” You felt tears beginning to come, now. You hadn’t told Elle about that yet. She squeezed your hands again as you pinched the bridge if your nose, pushing that visual away. 

“I watched him go through something that I should have never seen, Elle. It kinda made me realize what’s important in life, cheesy as that sounds. And later he told me that he saw nothing but Y/N’s face as he was blacking out. It made me start thinking…” you were crying hard now. “If that were me, I would see your face. I’d want to see yours. The last person I’d think about, it would be you.”

She sighed deeply as she dried your tears. “Sammy, babe…”

“I love you, Elle. Way too much. So much that it scares me, sometimes. Because…I don’t know what to do with my emotions. You make me feel a way that I’ve never ever felt before. And it’s terrifying. And I run from it. I don’t know why, but I do. Maybe that’s why I made the decision that I did that night. Because I still didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

“Admit what, Sam?”

You took her chin in your hand, bringing your face close to hers. 

“That I meant what I said when I was eating that cinnamon roll last night.” You said nervously, every nerve ending in your body on fire. 

Finally, finally, she laughed. Rolled her body back on to the couch and laughed. In absolute stitches.

 “I’m not marrying you tomorrow, Sam.”

You giggled at her display, feeling like three million pounds had been lifted from your body. You chased her, laying over top of her on the couch, bringing your faces close together as she brought you into her embrace. 

“No, not tomorrow…”

——

The storm had intensified, thunder and lightning coming every minute now. You and Elle had spent the last half hour curled up with each other, doing nothing at all but being intimate. Talking, laughing, apologizing and explaining…you let more secrets be shared with her that night than you had ever shared with her before. You got down into the roots of some things, telling her detailed stories and experiences, and letting her know how much you cared for her. 

It felt like you had reconnected with her on a cellular level, somehow, and you were thanking your lucky stars that she even was letting you sit with her. It was definitely not how you saw your night going when all of this began. Maybe blowing out that candle really worked. 

“Can I kiss you, Elle?”

The very fiber of your being felt like it had been reset, all the reasons you loved her flowing back through your body like a flooding river. The way she kissed you back, the way she touched you, felt like the very first time. You didn’t deserve this…

“I’m nervous, for some reason…”

You picked her up and carried her slowly to the bedroom, never disconnecting from her lips the entire way. You laid her gently on the old mattress, the iron bed frame squeaking as she fell. She still had her black dress on; it accentuated her curves so perfectly and was cut right at her mid thigh…she slid one strap down, pulling it to sit low on her shoulder, before pulling the whole dress down and off, revealing her black lace set. She made intense eye contact with you, bringing her knees toward her chin as she reclined on her elbows.

“Stop giving me those eyes, Eleanor…you know I can’t say no when you do that…”

“Then don’t tell me no…”

You reached down and took your boxers off, letting them fall to the floor as you inched yourself toward her on the bed. You were positively dizzy, the feeling of her skin on yours igniting you into a fire that blazed differently than it ever had before. Her mouth connected to yours in such a way that felt like you were bonded together, feeling every tiny touch and movement as if it were magnified. You were still anxious, nervous for some reason. Like you were about to sleep with her for the very first time. But she comforted you, kissed your sweet spots, walked you through learning her body again. 

“Don’t be nervous, Sammy. It’s just me…it’s okay…”

“I know, baby..but the way you touch me sometimes…god.. I swear I could love you all day, and all night for the next hundred years and I’d still never get tired of you…”

It was something brand new. She pushed you back into the pile of pillows, crawled over top of you and flipped herself around with her back to you as she straddled your lap. What a fucking view. She leaned down and connected her sweet mouth to you, licking and pulling and pushing, hands in a soft fury to prepare you for her. Your hands reached down and pulled at her hair, directing her throat to be just where you needed her without forcing her…in and out…her mouth was pure euphoria..hot and wet euphoria. 

“You not gonna touch me, Sam?”

Her free hand reached back and ran a finger along the lace barely covering her ass, pulling it to one side as she invited you to touch her. You pulled it more to one side, and her back arched hard for you, revealing her dripping entrance as she continued to close her throat around you. You brought your hand to her, feeling her wetness soak your fingers. “Mmhm…” she hummed around you, causing your dick to jump in her mouth. “Keep feeling me Sam, keep touching me like that…”

The visual was insane, the lightning like camera flashes into the room, each time burning the erotic images into your mind. Your fingers were working her, deep and slow as she hummed her lips around you, bringing you closer and closer…you were sure you’d never felt her like this ever before. 

“So gorgeous, my Eleanor…your mouth feels so fucking good baby…”

She arched more for you as her mouth popped hard off the top of your dick, the loss of contact almost bringing tears to your eyes. “Need you to fuck me into this mattress, Sam. Can you break my back, baby?”

You were putty. Melting and running all over the place. You pulled her back, disconnecting her mouth from you as you brought your tongue to her entrance, suddenly feeling the need to taste her. So fucking delicious. You let your tongue delve into her as far as it could go, reaching into her as she pushed herself backwards onto your face. 

“Fuck, Sammy…yeah…” 

She was whining as you ate her, flipping and flitting your tongue into her as the thunder rolled louder now. Right as you felt her body begin to shake, you repositioned yourself, standing high on your knees behind her as you pulled her panties to the side again, ripping them just a tad in the process. You teased her, the head of your dick begging to push all the way into her, fill her up with everything you had. 

“Do it, Sammy please…I can’t wait any longer, fuck…”

She buried her head in the bed, her hands reaching into her hair to grasp it. “Huh uh, my job…” you fisted her hair, tightening it around your hand and pulling her head back slowly, but forcefully as you slowly entered her. Thick and sticky and so ready for you, she felt like heaven. Her sounds alone were enough to get you there, so you pulled back harder. “Arch it for me baby, I know you can do it…” 

Her body was at an almost 90 degree angle as you fucked slowly and languidly into her, pushing as deeply as you could go, one hand tangled in her hair and the other pulling on her hip…giving you leverage to move her into just the right spot. She spread her legs a little, lowering herself into the bed a bit more, and allowing her to fuck back into you. 

You both were moving slowly, her body dipping low with each thrust and meeting you perfectly as you hit her g spot. “Don’t fucking stop, Sam…right…fucking…there…” she was whining, mewling and purring sounds into the air. 

“You want it harder, baby? Think you can take it?” You asked as she nodded. The thunder was clapping now as her asscheeks hit your thighs repeatedly, her muscles flowing like shockwaves with each hit. 

You pulled yourself out, earning a groan of displease from her. Hand still tangled in her hair, you stood from the bed and pulled her along with you, walking her to the wall by the bed. You gently pushed her against it, letting her cheek fall flat against the white paint. You lifted her left leg up, hitching the back of her knee in the crease of your elbow. 

“Spread for me, babe. There you go…”

And you entered her again, pushing her into the wall. She was considerably tighter like this, and the new position garnered you almost complete control. She was almost unable to move at all. But her sounds continued to fill the room…you knew she was loving it just as much as you were. 

“I’m close, baby…almost there…” she said, breathless and sweaty as you fucked up into her. 

“Hang on, go with me…I’m right there too…goddamn you’re so fucking tight…”

Your name poured from her mouth as you poured into her, bodies shaking together as you pressed your front against her, her forehead rolling against the sheetrock. When your head came back into one piece, and her body stopped jerking, you snuck your hand around in front of her, between her legs, finding her clit and immediately rubbing small circles. 

You went insane on it, flicking it from side to side as you continued to press her into the wall, your still-hard dick resting comfortably inside her. Her cries sounded almost close to tears. You kissed the back of her neck, biting into it as you felt her writhing again. 

It surprised her, the overstimulation making her shudder. Her body stiffened as you worked your middle finger over her already swollen bud, begging her to let go again. Her walls were still squeezing around you, still inside her. You almost felt like you could let go again, yourself. 

“I know you’ve got another one in there, baby. Let me have it…give it to me again…”

Her hand reached behind her and grasped your shoulder, pulling your torso against her back, fingers digging into your shoulder muscle like she was holding on for dear life. 

Within seconds she was soaking your dick all over again, her knees threatening to buckle as she doubled over. Her cries were almost pathetic, shrieking and breathless as she came again. 

“There it is, just for me…so gorgeous Eleanor…” you growled into her ear. 

When she finally came back to life, you pulled yourself out of her, but still kept a firm hold around her limp body, walking her carefully back over as you both crashed back onto the bed in pure exhaustion. 

After a few minutes, she perked up lying on her elbow, looking at you with so much love in her eyes. 

“What?” You asked, smirking as you rolled to rest on your elbow too. 

“Do you really want what you asked me while you were eating the cinnamon roll?” She peeked through one eye. Her words made your stomach drop and your mouth go dry. 

“Yeah, I do. One day, down the road. I can picture it…” you rolled over to your back, looking at the ceiling. “Three kids, maybe four. All really close in age, so they can grow up together like we did. I want to find a big house with a bunch of land, so I can have a massive garden. And a bunch of dogs. Giant kitchen with tons of windows…and all four of my pianos in different rooms. I’m gonna teach all the babies how to play every instrument that I can, whatever they want to learn. The house will be filled with music all the time. And I wanna write songs about them, and for them…that’s what I want.” You huffed a breath, looking back over to her. 

“And you know what the best part will be?” You asked. 

“Tell me.”

“That you’ll be making those cinnamon rolls for us every week…all the time…the kids will love them…” you brought yourself over to kiss her. “And they’ll love you… and I’ll love you…until we’re old and gray, baby. Until the day you tell me not to. I promise. I promise, I promise…” 

—

JAKE POV

You hear her alarm go off on her phone, startling you from your sleep. Her face turned towards you as her own eyes fluttered open. She squeezed them back shut as she reached over to snooze her phone. You smile realizing it’s another morning you’ve woken up and she’s still in bed. 

It’s warm under the sheets, you don’t blame her for not wanting to leave. If it were up to you the two of you would stay cocooned in the sheets all day. She throws her arm over her eyes blocking out the morning light, trying to get those five extra minutes. You lay there just looking at her, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she fights to get back to her dream.

Minutes later when her alarm sounds again, she rolls over towards it and groans, grabbing it from the charger and laying it on her chest. 

You reach your hand out and place it on her arm, “You better get moving baby, Josh will be here soon.”

“I know, but I am so tired, we stayed up too late watching last night. I fell asleep in here, again.”

“We can take a break from watching if you want to.” you offer.

“No! I mean, we don’t have to. I just need to force myself out of here.” she giggles.

“Every night I ask you if you want me to take you back in there and you say no…You say you want to stay…” you goad.

“Ugh, I know Jake, sue me…” she says, tossing the blankets off of her, and standing from the bed. 

“Don’t be like that…You know I don’t want you to anyways. Like waking up to your face.” you smile.

She steps into the bathroom and shuts the door; your signal to start the coffee before she has to leave. It had been several nights since the family dinner and each one of them was spent twisted together watching a TV show until the both of you fell asleep. At least that was your excuse for it. 

As the coffee pot started to gurgle, you grabbed a to-go mug, and waited for the pot to finish brewing. You leaned against the counter, scrolling through your phone as she stepped into the kitchen. She was in a pair of crimson colored leggings, and had on a sports bra that matched. Her hair was in a high ponytail braid down her back, resting just at the criss crossed straps of her sports bra. Shit she looked practically edible. 

She had your flannel tossed into the bag hanging from her shoulder, and her birkenstocks in her hands, dropping them to the floor to slide into them as she approached you. 

“Again, is there any type of viewing package at the yoga place.” you said, pouring the coffee into the mug.

“No, Jacob…” she says, rolling her eyes and reaching out to grab the mug from your hands. 

You look at her again, somewhat jealous that Josh gets to spend the morning with her, looking like that. Fucker. 

“I will be back after, okay?” she said, spinning on her heels.

“Hey, wait…” you asked. 

You swallowed nervously as you grabbed her free hand in yours, “You wanna go do something tonight?” 

She furrowed her brow, “Like what?” 

“Something fun, just us. Like we used to.” you offer, feeling your heart beat out of your chest. 

“Oh, like a date?” she smiles.

“Do you want it to be a date?” you ask hopefully. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” she grins, squeezing your hand. 

“Okay, yeah, then like a date.” you say, releasing her hand. 

You see Josh’s car pull up through the front door window, and look back to her, “Your ride is here…Be careful okay, check your surroundings…all of that…” 

“Okay, I will I promise and Josh is with me. But…I’m excited… for tonight.” she smiles walking down the hallway. You are right behind her, ready to close the door, but as she slips out she spins around and places a barely there kiss on your cheek. “See you later…” 

You smile as you watch her ponytail swing as she jumps into the passenger seat of Josh’s car, waving through the window as they pull away. 

—

You spend much of the morning racking your brain for ideas of what the two of you could do tonight. You’d never felt so much pressure planning a date before, but then you realized. It’s Y/N, she won’t care what you’re doing as long as it’s you she’s doing it with. You knew just what to do, and you knew she would love it.

You grab a quick shower and dig through your closet, looking for something to wear down to the studio. Today would be your first meeting back with the guys to start practicing for the South American leg of tour starting up. You were itching to get your hands back on your guitar, ready to turn the amps to one hundred and just rip for a few hours. 

Shortly after 11:00 you heard the front door open, and heard her setting her things in the hallway, kicking off her shoes.

“Jake?” she called.

“Up here!” you called out to her from the music room, checking out the strings on your guitar. 

You hear her climb up the steps and round the corner, still looking gorgeous as ever.

“I’m back…” she giggled.

“I see that.” you smile, twisting the knob on the headstock.

“You excited to go play today?” she asked, leaning against the wall. 

“Hell yeah, but you know what?” you asked.

“What?”

“I’m more excited for after…” you smiled.

“Yeah? What should I wear on my date with Mr. Jacob Kiszka this evening?” she smiles.

“Mmm…” you hum, rubbing your lips, “A dress. But bring a sweater or something.” you answer. 

“I think I can work with those requirements… I’m gonna go take a shower, but, have fun today and don’t over do it, okay?” she pleads. 

“I won’t, I won’t, promise.” you answer, sliding your guitar back into the case, and locking it. 

“I’ll see you tonight?” she asks.

“Not soon enough.” you smile, watching her blush and run down the stairs. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and as you pull it out you see a familiar name cross the screen.

misscarsonneely: Guitar question? I’m sure you’re never going to see this.

You smirk, it is a miracle you saw it.

You: I probably have an answer…

misscarsonneely: Wow, I can’t believe you saw this. Okay, so I have been feeling a little inspired lately and decided to put those new strings to use, but when I play it sounds…bad? Like off kind of? Maybe I just suck? Lol.

You smile and laugh, knowing exactly what the problem is. 

You: I usually never check my messages to be honest, surprised I saw it too. How about you text me instead. I’ll get you fixed up.

You send her your number and wait for her message to come through, adding the new contact to your phone.

Carson

11:23pm: Have I reached the guitar guru hotline?

You

11:24pm:  You have. So I think what you are describing is it being out of tune which happens sometimes when you put higher tension strings on. Could you maybe send me a video so I can be sure?

Carson

11:28pm: Do NOT laugh at me, it is the only song I know.

11:28pm: *Attachment*

You open the video and let it play, stifling back the laugh that escapes you when you hear ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’ ringing out terribly through the speaker.

You

11:30pm:  Okay, yes. So the strings I put on your guitar are all I had to choose from, and they are high gauge and high tension so they are putting your guitar under a little more stress than it's used to, so it is spinning the knobs itself to release that tension and its causing your guitar to lose its tuning. It’s probably going to do that a few times until the strings are settled, so just re-tune your guitar and you should be set. Well, until next time. ;)

Carson

11:32pm: I swear I’m not an idiot. I really did tune it yesterday and it sounded fine so when I picked it up today and it sounded like that I never thought that maybe it was just out of tune. God I’m sorry I bothered you with that.

You

11:35pm: No, I know you’re not. You just aren’t used to those type of strings. Asked Sam to grab some to give to Josh, and that's probably all I had in my kit. 

Carson

11:36pm: And I appreciate it soo much. Thank you again for doing that. 

You

11:37pm: My pleasure Miss Carson, let me know if you need help with anything else.

Carson

11:38pm: Thanks Jake. Promise I won’t bug you with more stupid questions. Lol

You

11:39pm: I can assure you you’re not bugging me. Not in the slightest. 

Carson

11:40pm: Good to know ;)

You stare at the message for a bit before locking your phone and shoving it into your pocket. You grab your guitar case and make your way downstairs, grabbing your keys and heading out the door, set for the studio feeling happier than you had in weeks.

—

It felt good to be back to it. God it felt good. But it felt even better knowing you’d be back on the road soon. As much as you were enjoying your time at home with Y/N you craved to be out seeing the world. And it was even better when she was there with you. 

You started small, playing through a few songs, working your stamina back up to what it was. You had another week or two before you left for South America and you were convinced that if you just came in and did a little bit everyday, you would be back to where you were. Almost like muscle memory. 

After a particularly long jam session you checked your phone seeing that it was damn near time to leave to make it home in time to get ready for your date. 

You slung your guitar strap over your head and turned off your amp, unplugging the pick up and beginning to pack up your things. 

“Damn Jake, what lit a fire under your ass?” Sam asked. 

“I gotta get out of here. Have plans tonight.” You replied flicking your glasses down over your eyes. 

“With who…” Danny winked.  

“Your motha…” you said in your best British accent. 

“Good. Go. In fact what the fuck is taking you so long? Get outta here…” Josh said, shooing you out the door. 

You turned to the guys and offered them a quick wave as you stepped out the door ready to wine and dine your favorite girl. 

—

You stepped into the front door and deposited your guitar case against the wall, calling her name through the echoey house. 

When you heard no answer you called out again, “Y/N? Where are you my love?”

“Jake?” She said, stepping out into the hallway as she fastened her earring. You nearly stopped breathing at the sight of her. 

“Sorry babe, didn’t hear you come in!” She smiled walking over towards you. 

“Is this okay?”’she asks, running her hands over her navy blue dress nervously before looking up at you. 

“Everyday I think there’s no way you could possibly be more beautiful and everyday I wake up to just that. You look gorgeous.” You say, seeing the blush creep across her face. 

“Jake…” she whines. 

“It’s true. I’m going to change clothes and then I will be ready to go, okay? Why don’t you have a glass of wine and I’ll be out in a minute.” You say. 

She nods and flits off to the kitchen as you turn on your heels heading for the bedroom. You had stewed over what to wear for your date all morning, finally deciding on a pair of pinstripe slacks and a black button up. You knew she liked it, and she was always particularly handsy when it came to you leaving your shirts open, so it seemed like the natural choice. 

You kick off your jeans and your t-shirt and throw them in the hamper, hearing a knock on the closet door. You spin around and see her standing with a wine glass extended towards you. 

“Can’t drink alone…” she coos. 

You take the glass and laugh, “You’re not supposed to see me like this until after, baby….” 

A short and sweet ‘hm’ leaves her lips as she spins away to let you finish dressing. You sip the red wine and feel your insides warm as you fasten the bottom buttons of your shirt. You slide on your slacks and a pair of loafers before picking a necklace from your wall. 

You give yourself a once over in the mirror and step into the bathroom to spritz yourself with cologne, taking a deep breath and tossing back the rest of the glass of wine. 

She’s sitting on the couch in the study, lazily scrolling through her phone as she sees you step out. Her eyes scan over you top to bottom lighting your chest on fire. Her gaze grows dark and she bites her lips together stifling back the words that want to escape. 

Reaching a hand towards her, you ask, “Ready my love?”

—

“Two for Jacob…” you said to the hostess. She grabbed two menus and guided the two of you to a small candle lit table in the corner of the restaurant. 

You pulled her chair out for her, letting her sit before pushing her in. You took the chair across from her, laying your napkin across your lap as she perused the drink menu. 

“Can’t believe you got us a reservation here last minute… you know this is my favorite place in the city.” She smiled shyly. 

“I know it’s your favorite and when I called earlier to see if they had any availability tonight I wasn’t hopeful but by some stroke of luck…” you trailed off. “Anyways, I’m happy they got us in. Fate I guess.” you smiled. 

“Thank you, Jake… for doing all of this. For planning this and asking me…” She said. 

“Of course baby, wish we could go out more. But I was thinking, how about when we are out on the road, you and I sneak off and find somewhere cool to eat in the long stop cities. Just us. Keep working on us…” you say, reaching for her hand. She laces her fingers with yours and you smile feeling her hand in yours. 

She nods her head excitedly, rubbing her thumb over yours. 

“Okay good. Can’t imagine being on the road without you, you know. Want to see the world with you.” you admit, seeing her eyes grow teary. 

“Me too, Jake.”

A few minutes later the waiter arrived to take your drink orders, both of you opting for specialty cocktails, sure to have both of you feeling more relaxed in a matter of minutes. 

As they arrived you tapped your glass to hers, “To our first date…” you smirked.

“And hopefully not the last…” she replied with a playful smile.

You both sipped your drinks, carrying on normal conversation and talking about all the cities you’d be traveling to in the upcoming months. You both ordered your food, and as you waited you checked the time on your phone to make sure you were still looking good.

“Have a hot date?” she asked with a smirk.

“Sure fuckin’ do…” you grin, “I was just making sure we’re good on time. Our next activity starts at a very specific time…”

“Oh, we are doing something else?” she asks.

“Yep, this is going to be a proper first date. When we are done here I am taking your to the movies, where I am going to spend half of it working up the courage to hold your hand.” you say.

“Oh gosh, well I will make sure I position my hand on the armrest just right to make it not look super obvious that I want you to.” she laughs.

“Can’t wait.” you smile.

“What movie are we seeing?” she asks.

“Well, that was the hard part. There were hardly any options. We have tickets for The Northman. I know it’s not really your thing but we can pick another if you don’t want to see that.” you offer.

“Jake…Do you think we’ve been watching The X-Files every night because I am really into alien mystery shows?” she asks.

“Um…” you hum.

“We could be watching Antiques Roadshow and I wouldn’t miss a single night…” she says.

“And why’s that Y/N…” you coax.

“You know why.” she smiles shyly.

“Tell me, I want to hear you say it.

“Because I just want to be there with you. Lay with you…Want to feel you run your fingers over my arms, and hear your laugh, and feel you twirl my hair between your fingers and kiss my head when you think I’m asleep.”

“So you aren’t leaving on purpose.” you smile.

“Absolutely on purpose.” she smiles.

“So don’t.” you reply, locking eyes with her across the table. 

You feel her foot brush your leg and you swallow back the overwhelming urge to kiss her, and thankfully the waiter arrives with your food, putting a stop to your sudden urge.

The two of you continue to talk as you enjoy your food, downing another drink and sharing a few more laughs. You check your phone again, and see that you are right on time, as long as the bill comes in the next few minutes.

With the sign of your name on the line and the toss of a few bills on the table you are walking hand in hand down the sidewalk towards the movie theater, buzzing from the alcohol flowing through your body.

“Does my date require any concessions?” you ask, playfully. 

“No your date is miserably full from dinner, but if you want something you should get it! I can’t even remember the last time you went to the movies.” she says.

“I can’t remember the last time I went either…” you say rubbing your lips. “Come on, let's go find some good seats.” you say, clasping her hand in yours as you step into the musky smelling theater, ready to hold her hand for the next two hours straight.

—

Obviously, the two of you rushed to the very top row of seats in the theater against the wall, any other seats simply not making any sense. You took the seat to her left, removing your jacket and setting it in the seat beside you. The advertisements before the previews began rolling, and your heart rate began to pick up. Why did you feel like you were 14 again, on a date with a girl you’d had a crush on for two whole weeks? 

The two of you shared a few glances, her hands folded and rested comfortably under her chin as her elbows balanced on the armrests. Suddenly the lights went down, and the previews started. The quick heart rate from earlier got even worse. You didn’t know if it was the nerves from being on a real actual date with her again, or the fact that you were so starved for her touch after the week you’d had, but you found your insides rolling around on themselves with want for her. Her touch, any kind. 

You looked at her with your peripheral, the light from the screen bouncing off her face. She smirked a little, feeling your eyes on her. You made it through the five or six new movie previews, but you couldn’t name one. All you could think about was the gorgeous girl to your right, shoulder to shoulder with you. 

Finally the lights went down even more, and you noticed that the only other people that had made it into the theater was another couple around your age, who had chosen to sit down in almost the front row. A theater almost to yourselves. 

The opening credits began, the loud music rattling the walls and chairs. You felt your palms begin to sweat with nerves, so you wiped them across the thighs of your pants, and rested your elbows on the armrests, jokingly fighting Y/N to claim the spot. You heard her laugh through her nose, moving her elbow around to make room for you. 

“You know, if you wanted the arm rest all you had to do was ask.” She whispered, bringing her mouth to your ear. Instant chills. “And if you want to hold my hand, all you have to do is grab it.”

She pulled back, turning her attention back to the movie. Deep breath, it’s just Y/N. 

You held your hand out, palm up, and she happily laid hers in it, interlacing your fingers with hers and squeezing tightly. Okay, good. Okay. 

You looked to her, smiling ear to ear. The feeling of holding her hand was sending bolts of electricity straight up your arm, and you began rubbing your thumb across her knuckles. 

The movie went on, you only paying half-attention to it. In an act of confidence, you brought her hand to your lips, lying a long and sweet kiss to her palm. She started gushing, shying away and giving you a smile so sweet you felt like melting. She then repeated your action, kissing each of your fingertips and then your palm, her mouth parted and half open as she slowly laid kisses all over your scarred hand, like she remembered where she pulled each and every shard of glass out all those years ago. 

Then, she did something that caught you so completely off guard that you felt your head spin. She brought your pointer finger slowly into her mouth, running her tongue along it, closing her lips tightly around it, and lightly biting the tip…shit. You exhaled, getting so extremely turned on from such a simple act. Then, she switched your fingers, stretching it all the way to the back of her throat. 

Fuck.

When she finally removed it, you were writhing in your seat. She turned back to the movie like nothing had ever happened. Your heart was beating in your ears as you decided to meet her energy, snaking your hand down to her thigh, letting it slip underneath her dress, and grip the tender part of her muscle. You watched as she scooted forward just a bit in her seat, obviously enjoying this game so far. You took it further, letting your hand travel higher and higher until your fingers were ghosting the fabric of her thong. 

The next thing you knew, her hand was mirroring yours, traveling with a tight grip up the inside of your thigh. Shit shit shit. She didn’t slow down, she didn’t shy away. Her hand lightly grazed your bulge, before completely gripping it in her hand. You couldn’t stop yourself from looking directly at her, but the expression on her face was begging you to touch her more. 

You let your hand go up further, touching her through her panties. You held eye contact as you both touched each other, driving the other absolutely insane. You were hoping and praying that she would move to unbuckle your belt, and like she was reading your mind, she did. 

Your free hand moved to help her, your chest already heaving. She kept her eyes trained on the movie while you maneuvered your belt and zipper, and when you got everything unlatched, her finger tips sunk below the waistline of your boxers, pulling them out so she could reach her hand all the way in. 

Fuck what is happening shit shit…

You felt your already damaged lungs lose every bit of air at her touch, her hand gripping your dick and squeezing it, moving her hand as much as she could with it still tucked away in your boxers. 

You gathered your thoughts quickly…two can play this game, baby. You let your left hand pull her thong to the side, wasting no time in going straight for the place you knew would drive her wild. God, she felt so perfect. You’d almost forgotten…her hand on you mixed with the feeling of her on your fingers was making your vision blur. She scooted down in the seat a bit more, giving you more space to feel her completely. Should you…?

Just then, the door to the theater slammed, and in walked another couple, coming up the stairs and taking their seats near the middle of the theater. You closed your eyes, sighing a frustrated huff while you glanced to Y/N, her opposite hand covering her mouth. 

She started to giggle. She removed her hand slowly, and you did the same. She was trying hard not to laugh out loud, holding her nose closed as she caught her breath. 

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” You whispered, readjusting yourself in your slacks. 

“We’re acting like a couple of horny teenagers feeling each other up in a damn movie theater, and we almost got caught. It’s just funny, okay?” She laughed again through her strangled whispers, causing you to feel a chuckle leave your chest. It was kind of funny. 

After you calmed down a little, you leaned in close to her ear, sharing the armrest now. “Doesn’t change the fact that even though I’m not a teenager, I’m still extremely fuckin’ turned on right now and I want to leave this movie as soon as humanly possible.” 

She took a deep breath, teeth gritted tightly as she watched the screen. “Let’s go.”

——

You both made a mad dash out of the theater and toward the car, the brisk night air bringing you back to reality for the time being. What the hell just happened in there? As you made your way through the parking lot digging for your keys in your pocket, Y/N rushed up beside you, taking your hand in hers as you walked. Oh. 

You gave her a knowing glance, and she gave you a glare that could’ve killed you. She really wants this to keep going…get it together Jake.

You both hopped in the car, and you started up the engine, backing out of the parking space. When you got on the road, you cleared your throat. Neither of you had said a word since you left the theater, and frankly, you had no idea what to say. All you knew was that you were absolutely starving for her, and the tension between you was so thick you could almost see it. Was this really happening? It’s been over a month…

You let your left hand drape across the steering wheel and your right balance on the console, nervously running your fingers over your lips. 

“Are you anxious, Jake?” She finally broke the silence. 

Uhhhh…

You cleared your throat once again, feeling the threat of a tiny cough tickle your throat, still not completely rid of your illness. “Yeah,” your voice cracked. “Yeah not gonna lie, Y/N, kinda anxious.” You told her truthfully. 

“Me too.” She said meekly, sinking into the chair. 

You reached your hand out for her again like you had in the theater, letting her grasp your fingers with hers. Still feels so perfect. 

“Do you wanna go home? Or…” you asked, making sure she had the same thoughts as you. 

“Yeah. Let’s go home.” She said. 

“What uh, what about the rules?” You asked her. 

“Well, we didn’t break rule #1, and we kinda broke rule #2…”

“We broke the fuck out of rule #2, babe.” You laughed. 

“Yeah, well. I guess, since we never um. Stated a rule #4, it doesn’t really, technically exist, right?” She offered. 

Holy fucking shit she wants to do it. 

“Yeah I…I don’t remember us saying that one was in the book, do you?” You replied nervously. 

She shook her head from side to side. “Won’t change anything though… We’re still, not…”

You nodded. “Right. Yes. Won’t change anything at all. Still very much…not together.”

“Right. Not together.” she said, looking at you longingly.

You brought her hand to your mouth again, this time not letting it leave your lips until you were pulling down your street. 

——

HER POV

Did he really want to do this? Should you do this? As the car pulled up to the house he put it in park and shut off the engine, as he turned to look at you. Your hands were still clasped together but now rested on your lap. Your brain started to swirl with panic. Would this undo everything?

“Jake, I’m sorry I did that in the movie theater. I shouldn’t have.” you said quietly.

“No, I… It’s okay. I liked it…I’ve…missed your touch.” he replies.

“You have…” you question.

“Are you kidding me? Yeah baby…” he scoffs. “Come on, let’s go inside…”

You nod and open your door, stepping out onto the sidewalk as he rounds the front of the car to meet you. Your brain was still rushing with want but you knew in your heart that you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t be with him like that until the two of you were back together. Right?

“I can see you overthinking it.” he smirks, unlocking the front door. 

“I’m not…I’m just…I’m scared it will undo all the progress we’ve made. That part of our relationship was always solid. I’m just scared we will fall back into how things were…” you explain.

“And what’s wrong with that?” he says, stepping inside and tossing his keys on the table.

“I was a terrible person. Partner…I just want to be what you need in a partner and back then, I wasn’t. You deserve better Jake.” you say.

He steps up to you and grabs your arms looking into your eyes, “I can assure you that you are everything I need. Everything I deserve. Everything I want. If you want to wait, it’ll fuckin’ kill me, but I will wait. I will always wait for you, Y/N. Okay?”

He slides his hand down your arms and twists his fingers with yours.

“Are you sure you aren’t mad Jake? I feel like I just teased you so bad, and you planned the most perfect date and now I am leaving you high and dry…We shouldn’t have taken it that far…” you say.

“Baby this was never part of the plan. I never expected anything. I just wanted to take you out, have a little bit of fun outside of the house. Everything else was just extra. And honestly just feeling your hand on me even if just for a minute was enough.” he pauses. “I mean I guess I was kind of expecting a kiss at the end of the date…” he says playfully.

“So walk me to my door and maybe you’ll get it…” you tease.

He releases one of your hands as he walks you to the guest room door pausing as you turn to face him, “Thank you for the date. It was so much fun…I hope we can have another one day…” you taunt.

“Mmm it’s looking pretty good so far…” he smirks, leaning his head towards you placing his hand on your cheek as he presses his lips to yours. You wind your hands around his waist and pull him closer to you. He pulls your bottom lip between his, sucking at it gently as his tongue swipes over it. You open your mouth just slightly to let him in, a gentle whine leaving your mouth. 

“Mmm fuck…” he growls as he pulls away. “We have to stop. I want you so bad. I’m sorry Y/N. Anyways, thanks for coming with me tonight. I hope you… sleep well…” he says, stepping back from the doorway. 

You twist the door knob and step inside, “You too…” you breathe, your head still rushing with want. 

You close the door softly and stand there, heart pounding as you think about his mouth on yours, his lips, his hands on your skin. Your body fills with goosebumps and your breath catches in your throat. Next thing you know your hand is reaching for the door knob throwing it open ready to run straight to his room, but as the door flies open he's there, leaning against the wall.

“Jake…” you breathe.

“Baby…” he replies, pulling you into him. 

Your mouths reunite once again but this time it's faster, more frenzied. Both of you positively dripping with need for the other. You tangle both of your hands into the hair at the base of his head as your lips fight to kiss every inch of his. His hands reach down and cradle your thighs, pulling you up to wrap your legs around his waist as he walks both of you as quickly as he can towards his bedroom. 

Your lips never part from him, kissing his jaw, his neck, fuck… anywhere you can reach. He kicks open the door walking straight to the bed and dropping you onto your back into the fluffy duvet. 

He steps back from you, unbuttoning the last buttons of his shirt and throwing it to the floor. He kicks off his pants and rejoins you on the bed, hovering over top of you as his lips connect to the skin of your neck. He brings one of his hands to your chest, grabbing your tits as frantically as he can. His fingers hook into the strap of your dress, sliding the fabric down your shoulder to reveal your bare chest. 

“Goddamnit Y/N…” he breathes. 

You squirm underneath him, desperate to feel his lips on your skin again. 

“Tell me you’re sure.” he demands.

“I’m sure! I’m sure! Please!” you beg.

He pulls your dress the rest of the way off of your body, leaving you both in just your underwear. He studies you, his eyes running over every inch of your body like it’s the first time he’s seen it. Your eyes flick to his nervously as his gaze grows darker. 

He runs his hand down your chest, and over your stomach, letting his fingers graze your heat as he swipes them down your legs. Your hips buck up into his feeling his hardened length brush your skin. 

He sees the look in your eye when you feel it, a smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. “Every fuckin’ day. Every day I have to fight that off. I’m not gonna fight it anymore baby.”

“Please Jake…” you beg. 

His fingers hook into the lace of your thong all but ripping it from your body as he uses his knee to spread your legs. You’re breathing heavily, your chest rising and falling quickly as you wait for his touch. 

“Where was I…” he said, swiping a finger through your wetness. 

“Somewhere like here…” he said, pushing two fingers inside of you, causing your back to arch up off the bed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Right there, huh baby…” he growled. 

His free hand comes up to twist one of your nipples between his fingers, a whine leaving your lips at the sensation. “You always have made the prettiest sounds.”

He hooks his fingers up into you, as he lowers his lips to your other nipple, sucking it into his mouth and biting gently. 

“Jake…” you moan.

He releases his mouth from you, continuing to pump his fingers in and out, “Yeah baby?”

“I can’t wait. Please. Just…please.” you beg, reaching to pull his boxers down.

He pulls his fingers from you and pushes his boxers the rest of the way off, kicking them to the floor to join the rest of your clothes. 

Your eyes travel down his torso to his dick, before you flick your eyes back up to his. 

He snaps his fingers and points to the top of the bed, “Get in the middle.”

You quickly move yourself backwards as he crawls onto the bed between your legs. He bends down, licking a hot stripe up your center, as you sigh into the air.

His left hand comes up to rest next to your head as his right grips his length and drags his tip through your folds.

“Jesus Christ Y/N, I swear to god I’m not going to last five seconds.” he pants. 

“If we’re going to break the rules, we are going to fucking break them.�� you breathe.

With a grunt he presses inside you and a whine rips from your chest at the feeling. He is breathing heavy over top of you, trying to keep his composure as your insides adjust around him.

“Fuck me, you are so tight. Feels like the fucking first time I felt you around me…” he pulls his hips back to try to start moving, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he lets out a breath.

“Shit, yeah I need a second.” he pleads.

“Jake, I need you to move. I need you to fuck me right this second.” you beg.

He swallows harshly and pulls back, before pressing into you again with a deep groan. You can see him fighting it, he wants to give you what you want. He wants this to last the rest of the night. You can feel every sweet inch of him as he moves inside of you, your walls clenching around him with every thrust. 

“Jake…fuck…fuck I missed you. I…” you breathe, digging your nails into his back. 

He attaches his lips to yours, licking into your mouth as he starts to move quicker, hitting your sweet spot with every stroke.

He lowers his lips to your ear, whispering into it as he works both of you towards release. 

“You feel so fuckin’ good baby. My gorgeous fuckin’ girl…” he growls.

He starts to roll his hips, causing his tip to slide against your g-spot in slow meticulous strokes as he presses his hand to your pelvis to increase the pressure. You cry out in bliss as the sensation takes over your body.

“Feel good? Feel good when I fuck you like that? Been thinkin’ about it for weeks. The things I was going to do to you when I finally got you back…Better than I imagined baby. You always are…” he whispers.

He pulls out all the way, grabbing your knee and hooking it up over his hip as he presses all the way in to be fully seated inside of you. You clench down around him, and his eyes shoot open to lock with yours. 

“I can’t hold it…” he breathes.

“Don’t…” you pant.

“Want you to cum with me.” he begs.

“I’m there… just keep going…” you answer.

He brings his thumb to his mouth, licking it before pressing it to your clit making rapid circles. You arch up into his touch, and whine.

“Yeah just like that love, you’re so close. My good girl, let me have it. Let me fill you. Can I do that? Can I fill my girl?” he coaxes.

“Please Jake! Fuck!” you cry, a tear springing from your eye.

“Now baby, right fuckin’ now!” he says, grabbing your hips and pulling you impossibly closer to him as his cock jerks violently inside of you. You feel the fire blaze through your chest as your release washes over the both of you, completely tearing your consciousness apart. He grunts your name as his warmth fills you, the room filled with breathy moans and whimpers.

He releases his grip on your hips trying to slowly pull himself out of you without making a huge mess, but as he pulls out, it spills out of you and onto your legs. He groans as he watches, his eyes flicking to yours, which you’re sure are completely blissed out. 

He brings himself to lay on top of you, pressing his lips to yours over and over, until you’re both giggling and smiling. 

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go longer. I…It’s been a month without you…” he says, rolling off of you and onto his side.

“Jake…I was barely holding on too. But…” you pause.

“But what…” he asks, running his finger down your sternum.

“But I want more.” you whisper.

“Oh thank god…” he says, turning your body onto your side, and pulling you into him. He lifts your leg and positions himself at your entrance, slowly pushing inside of you.

“I don’t know if I will ever get enough of you Y/N…” he whispers into your ear. 

His hand reaches around to the front of you swirling his fingers over your clit as you arch into him. 

“Oh fuck stay like that, keep your back arched like that, holy fuck…” he begs slowly thrusting in and out of you. He continues to whisper sweet praises into your ear as his hand travels over your body so softly, so gently.

His hand comes back up to wrap around your front holding you tightly to his chest. Suddenly you feel the air between you shift, this is no longer frenzied and furious sex, no, somewhere it shifted into slow and tender love making. There were no more harsh movements, there were no more dirty phrases. It was just you and him. The both of you showing each other you’re still here. You’re both still in there, loving each other, through it all. 

He pulls out of you and you spin to face him, near tears as he presses his lips to yours in a kiss you know is laced with love and adoration. He pulls your hips towards him, as you part your legs to let him back in. He presses into you until he is fully seated and breathing in deeply the scent of the two of you together. 

You wrap your arms around his neck as he slowly pushes and pulls in and out, his eyes never leaving yours once. 

“Remember, that night in the hotel room, I told you to stop telling me you loved me.” he says, continuing to move. 

“Yeah…” you breathe.

“Please don’t…” he begs.

You press your lips to his, your tongues tangling together as he moves inside of you.

“Why did you say it?” you ask.

“Because it was killing me that I couldn’t say it back…I never stopped loving you.” he answered, starting to pant. 

“I found out right after that, what I did. Crawled into bed with you. Just wanted to be close to you. Had to tell you I loved you too. Couldn’t breathe until I said it. You didn’t hear it, but…” he continued.

“You do?” you ask.

He grabs you and rolls to his back, bringing you to sit on top of him. You spin around to face him, repositioning yourself on top of him, as you begin to roll your hips slowly. 

“Y/N there is nothing in the world that you could ever do that would keep me from loving you.” he answers. 

You lift off of him before dropping back down, repeating the motion until the both of you are crumbling closer to your second orgasm. 

His hands guided your hips, as he talked you through it, his touch tender and loving as he spilled into you for the second time. You rolled off of him and into the bathroom to clean up, opting for a quick rinse in the shower before you both returned to the bed. 

You helped him change the sheets and he disappeared down the hallway, returning with your pillow and your cell phone. 

You pulled on one of his t-shirts and a clean pair of underwear before you slid into the bed next to him and cuddled into his side. 

“Hey baby?” you asked, into the dark room.

“Yes?” 

You rolled closer to him and looked up towards him, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” 

“Hmmm…That…” he giggles. 

You dig a finger into his ribs, “No seriously…”

“I am being serious.” he laughs again.

“Jacob…” you warn.

“I don’t know. I just want to spend the day with you…See Josh, and the guys…nothing fancy. Just want to do this. This feels good. Makes me happy.” he answers.

“Okay, okay…” you say, pressing a kiss to his bare chest. 

“Are you excited to go to South America in a few days?” he asks.

“I am excited, I have always wanted to go to Brazil.” you answer. 

“I can’t wait to take you, it's so beautiful there. There are so many cool places to eat and things to see…” he gushes, “...and to spend every night just like this…” 

“Jake… we… won’t spend every night just like this though…” you say.

“What do you mean…” he asks, turning towards you.

“We…we’re in separate rooms, remember?” you remind him.

“No…cancel it, change it, or whatever…You sleep with me damn near every night Y/N…I’ve kind of grown partial to it…”

“I know baby, but this is part of that growing up thing I am working on. I think we need to stay separate while we are on tour. At least while we aren’t together…”

“I don’t want to be separate. I want to go out, play our shows, eat good food, and make love to my girl every night.” he says. 

“Jake, we can’t do that either…” you say nervously.

“What so this was just…Just a one time thing?” he asks, stopping the hand that's been rubbing your arm.

“No…I don’t know, I don’t know what we are supposed to do but I feel like we need to limit it as much as possible. I know it will be hard but we have to… try.”

He lets out a sigh, “Okay, well, if that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”

“It’s not what I want Jake, but it’s what we need, as a couple. To keep rebuilding our relationship, without using sex as a buffer.” you say.

“I know. I just, need you…sometimes.” he admits.

“I know babe, me too. And I think sometimes is…fine. We just need to wait until neither of us can take it anymore and then…” you pause. “Think about how good it felt just now…”

“Fucking perfect.” he answers.

“Exactly, and I feel like emotionally our relationship is getting so much better. If we can just keep… doing what we’re doing…I think we can be together again and I can be the person I want to be for you.” you say.

He pulls you into his chest and kisses your head, “I know baby. I want you to be happy. I’m so glad you are still coming with us. With me. Still want to go eat at cool places with you. We can do that, right?”

“Yeah babe, we can do that.” you say reaching up and pressing a kiss to his lips. “And for the record I am fully intending on sleeping just like this all night long.” you say wrapping your arm around his waist and nuzzling your face into his neck.

“I’d be sad if you didn’t.” he says, wrapping his arms around you. 

You both start to drift off, your mind swirling with thoughts of Jake and Brazil, when your phone chimes on your nightstand. Your eyes pop open and you roll over to grab it, squinting as you read the name.

Elle

11:47pm: We need to talk.

You lock your phone and set it on the nightstand, swallowing nervously as you return back to Jake.

“Who was it baby?” he asks, voice groggy and still half asleep.

“It was Elle. She wants to talk…”

—

The next morning you woke up almost exactly how you’d fallen asleep, tied and twisted with Jake, your limbs sweaty underneath the heavy covers. The memories of the night before came swirling back as the muscles of your insides began to throb. It really had been a while. But you welcomed the uncomfortable sensation, truly being thankful you could fulfill your human needs so effortlessly with him. 

His hair was overtop of your face, just where you liked it. He stirred beside you, flipping his face to the other side, taking his locks with him. Then he propped up on his elbows, rubbing his face before looking at you with the sweetest smile. 

“Mornin' sunshine.” You said, taking in the sight of him grinning with all his teeth. “You look like you got laid last night.”

“I’m on cloud fuckin’ 9, baby.” He giggled shyly, rolling himself to you and placing his elbows on either side of your head. “Actually got to sleep with the hottest girl I’ve ever seen last night.” He went on, laying sweet kisses to your lips. 

“Oh really? How was that?” You played along. 

His tongue brushed inside your mouth, instantly bringing back that feeling of want that lived deep in your bones. “Fuckin’ amazing. Perfect. I’d give you all the details, but…” he clicked his tongue. “Unfortunately I probably won’t get to do it again for a while, she said she wants to take things slow.”

“Ahh, that sucks. Well, maybe from time to time, when you’ve both built up so much tension…” you let your hands travel down to grip his ass, letting your fingernails dig in and pull him toward you, pressing his morning hard-on directly to your heat. 

“…you both can talk about it again. Ya know, just hooking up every once in a while. You’re both adults, right?” You suggested, leaving the conversation open ended. 

He moaned through a little cry, pushing himself against you again. “We are both adults. Nothing wrong with some healthy sex every once in a while, right?” 

You pressed your lips to his again, licking into his mouth as you felt him hold himself back. “Nothing wrong with it at all…” he mumbled. “God you’re fuckin killing me again, Y/N. I gotta get up. Gotta go, do something…anything…” You giggled as you watched him walk to the bathroom, still completely nude. “Let’s go get coffee.”

——

Half an hour later, the two of you were sitting outside of your favorite coffee shop, sipping from your cups and sharing an oversized blueberry muffin. 

“My abs are sore.” Jake said quietly as he stirred his coffee. 

“Sore? From what? We hardly lasted five minutes each time…jeeze. Must be out of shape…” you shook your head at him playfully. 

He scoffed. “Ugh leave me alone, it’s been a while. Plus I haven’t exercised in like, two months. I almost died of fuckin’ pneumonia and laid in a bed for two weeks, did you forget?” He spat back, sounding bratty as hell. 

“Hm. Well. Guess you’ll just have to build that stamina back up then, won’t you?” You winked. 

The courtyard in front of the coffee shop was semi crowded, lots of people with dogs and baby strollers. You watched as a young mom pushed a double carriage to the table beside you, parking it there and pushing the sun visor up to reveal two sleeping baby boys. 

“Is anyone using this table?” She asked, taking her backpack off. 

“No, no. All yours.” Jake smiled and moved a chair out of the way for her. 

“Got some tiny ones there.” You said. 

“They’re three months old today. Meeting my friend to celebrate their milestone with some coffee and way too much sugar!” She laughed. 

“Oh, I bet you need all the caffeine you can get, huh?” You said. 

“That’s an understatement…” she laughed as she waved her friend over to join her. 

You and Jake sat in silence for a while, people watching and finishing your coffees. You started thinking, right then and there, about something that you truly hadn’t thought hard about in years. Something that, until recently, you’d buried away so far in your brain that you’d nearly forgotten, and the fact that you’d almost forgotten made you sick. A part of your life that you didn’t discuss, that you didn’t bring up, that was a secret from everyone you loved. 

“What’s wrong baby? You’re being kinda quiet…” Jake interrupted your internalization. 

You perked up. “Oh, nothing. Just kinda sleepy still.” 

“Okay. We can take a nap later, if you want.” Jake suggested. 

“Yeah, that sounds good to me, babe.” You answered blankly. 

You both glanced over to the mom again as one of the babies woke up and started crying. You watched as she picked him up to console him, and watched as the other one instinctively opened his eyes at the sound of his brother’s crying. 

“Ya know, me and Josh always used to wonder which one of us would end up with twins, since there’s such a big chance of that happening through generations. I always thought it’d be him.” Jake said. 

You watched as the second baby moved his head around, eyes darting side to side, looking for his counterpart. Your heart nearly shattered into pieces. Even as young and tiny as he was, he looked lost, like his compass was going haywire…

“Watch it be Sam.” You responded. 

Jake’s head snapped your way. “Really? You think? Why?”

You shrugged. “Just would be funny. Hey, you think your brothers would wanna come over for dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, probably. I think Sam and Elle are back, Danny texted me last night-”

“No, Jake. Just your brothers. Your blood ones.” You interrupted, earning a very strange look from him. 

“Uh..I guess. I can… ask them. Why just them?” He pressed. 

Your mind spun around as you tried to pull an excuse to get the three of them alone together. 

“I want to talk to them. You. Just you three. About… everything.” You only half-lied. “Together, as a family.”

“Okayyyy, yeah, I’ll text them now. Uh, our house? 5:00?” He said, pulling out his phone. 

“Perfect.” You took the opportunity to take your phone out as well, pulling up the text from Elle. 

You

10:31am: Coffee tomorrow?

——

The rest of the day proceeded normally, you and Jake went home and did end up napping the rest of the afternoon away, him walking on eggshells at the uncertainty of why you wanted just Josh and Sam to come over this evening, but never pressing the issue with more questions. 

“I’m starting the pasta babe! They should be here any minute!” Jake yelled from the kitchen as you finished up some laundry. 

“Sounds good! I’m almost done here!” You shut the lid to the washing machine, nerves suddenly overtaking your body. You felt your face flush pink, and your stomach flipped over, making you feel sick. You leaned backwards onto the machine, fanning your face as the blood finally traveled back to your brain. 

You rushed into the guest room, pulling the drawer to your nightstand open to reveal your barely-yet-used journal. You flipped to the last few pages, finding the old photograph perfectly safe there. 

Fuck, you can do this. 

Little did Jake know, you weren’t okay. You were terrified. And you were about to share with them your deepest, darkest secret. 

——

“…and it wasn’t even the priest, it was his barber all along!” Josh had finished up with a twenty minute long joke, sending the four of you into stitches. 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, Josh. My god.” Sam said. 

“Well, it made you laugh didn’t it?” Josh retorted, making Sam throw his hands into the air. 

Dinner was drawing to a close, and you knew the guys were getting antsy with their curiosity of asking them here tonight. All three of them. 

“Another bottle, guys?” You said, standing from the table and clearing some of the plates away. 

“Yeah, sure. And also when you come back, can you bring the reason you asked just us two to come over tonight?” Sam snapped, turning around in his seat to face you. Fuck you, Sammy. 

You turned to shoot daggers at him, only to be met with three of almost the exact same face staring back at you. You dropped the plates into the sink, admitting defeat. 

You slowly walked back over to the table, taking your seat. The three of them leaned in closely, watching your next move. You cleared your throat. 

“Alright, alright.” Deep breath. “So, this…isn’t easy to say…so forgive me if I get, a little emotional, okay?” You asked, looking to all three of them, the people you loved most in this world, looking at you with so much worry and concern in their eyes you could explode. 

“We grew up together right? Since we were babies, and stayed so close all these years, so I feel like I can trust each of you, even after all the bullshit we’ve been through, what I ultimately was the cause of, right?” 

They all nodded, speaking quietly that yes, of course you could trust them. 

“Sam, my very first chosen friend. Always there for me and always my rock ever since we could walk. I think you know me better than I know myself, and that’s a little terrifying. Always calling me out on my shit, and helping me fucking cause it, too.” You giggled, hoping that one day all of the stuff that happened in Vegas could become a joke. 

“Well, ya know...” He laughed. 

“Josh, you’re such a good big brother to them. And to me, you always were. You don’t even know you’re doing it, but you keep all of us so grounded and so in line, and so in love with life that you should win an award. And thank you, for helping me here lately. Taking me out of my comfort zone and under your wing. I don’t think you know how much I appreciate it.” 

He nodded a sweet you’re welcome.

“And Jake, what the hell. Where do I even start? I’m so excited about this new life we’re building together, and how supportive you’ve always been of me. All the shit I put you through, it’s been some of the most horrible and beautifully messy times of my life. And I’m so thankful for you and all you do for us.”

“I’m also so proud of you guys.” You said, looking to Jake and Sam. “After all that shit in Vegas, you two can still find a way to love each other. And I am so wholeheartedly sorry about how that all went down. From the bottom of my heart, I swear.” 

Jake reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“I don’t know if you know, Jake, but Sam watched you go through something really traumatic in the hospital, and when he told me about it, god, it tore me to shreds. Seeing the love you guys all have for each other, it…” you couldn’t stop the tears that were forming in your eyes, as Jake squeezed your hand harder. “It made me realize some things. And I don’t want to run from it anymore. I want to share…everything. With you guys. With my family. Even my secrets.”

All three of them adjusted in their chairs, curiosity and apprehension written all over them. You stood up, went into the guest room, and re-emerged with your journal. You sat back down, and flipped to the very back page. You pulled the tiny photograph that was stuck between the pages, seeing it one last time by yourself before it became not only your secret, but theirs, too. 

You turned it around so all three of them could see. 

Sam and Jake simultaneously sat back in their seats, physically blown away by what you were showing them. 

A blurry black and white sonogram image of a baby. Your baby. The one you never got to meet. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay…it’s neither of yours…look at the date…” you said to them as you realized their instant state of panic. 

“January 14, 2017.” Sam said, his breath falling out of him with relief. “Oh my god…”

“Baby, what the fuck is going on? What is this? Your name is on this…” Jake said, letting his emotions start to rise. 

“Yeah, Jake. That’s because it was mine. Mine and Andy’s.” You relented. 

You watched as their faces were painted with happiness, then shock, then sorrow.

“I never got to meet this baby, because right before I found out, Andy started showing his true colors in a more public way. Remember the night of the New Years Eve party? When he found us out on the porch?” You looked to Jake. 

“The night he put his hands on me there, left bruises on my arms…all the horrible things he did even before that, you know. Well, I found out two weeks later. I didn’t tell him I was even going to the doctor to find out for sure.” Your tears finally decided to run over. “The night before my appointment, he was drunk. We got into an argument, he pushed me so hard into the wall that it busted a hole through. I thought for sure that if I was pregnant, I would have lost it that night, anyway. So I fought him off of me for another hour or so, let him pass out on the couch. The next day at my appointment, lo and behold, the baby was alright. But I wasn’t.”

“I was so devastated…the nurse at the clinic saw the bruises on me, noticed how much of a shell of a person I was, slipped me a brochure for noticing the signs of domestic abuse. God, it threw me for a loop…I never even thought that that was what I was enduring, all that time. Seeing it there on paper, that Andy was abusing me while I was being told I was most definitely going to be bringing his child into the world. It…fucking…” you were sobbing hard now, finally feeling the weight of the subject coming to the light like a weight off your entire being. 

“I had to make the hardest decision of my entire life, that day. I had to decide. I had to keep myself safe, and I could barely do that. Andy was getting worse by the day. The thought of having to bring a baby…god, I couldn’t even…” you took a deep breath, feeling Jake’s arms wrapping around your back, pulling you tightly into him. 

“Fuck, Y/N…” he cried into your hair. 

You continued. “I never told Andy about it. I kept it a secret…from everybody. I felt so ashamed. A few weeks after I had the procedure, one of Andy’s fraternity brothers’ girlfriends decided to let it slip that she knew I was there…she worked at the clinic and recognized me I guess. Bitch. Completely against the fucking law, but. They told Andy, and he was infuriated. Said that I took something away from him without him even knowing he had it. Hated me for it, called me horrible things. Thinking back now, maybe I should have told him. I guess I could have given him that much. But honestly, things were getting so bad that I truly don’t think that tiny thing would have survived another night of its mother being thrown into the dining room table.”

Jake’s arms held you steady, his hands rubbing across your skin. You finally got the gumption to look at Josh and Sam, both of them absolutely fraught with sadness, tears falling hard from both of their faces. You could tell they were dying to speak, but neither of them had any clue what to say. 

“The reason I’m telling you all of this is because you deserve an answer. I’ve lied about it for months. That’s why he’s stalking me. That’s why he’s been following us everywhere, breaking in and stealing your things…He’s obsessed with giving me what he thinks I deserve for taking that away from him. I’m scared he’s not gonna stop until he gets it. He’s getting worse, he’s in it too deeply now.”

Josh’s hands were folded in front of him, covering his mouth as his leg bounced up and down. Sam had his head hanging from his fingers laced through his hair, staring at the tiny photograph. Jake finally released you, squatting beside you to speak. He brought both hands to your face, slowly drifting his thumbs under your eyes to catch the tears that just wouldn’t stop coming. 

“I love you so much, Y/N, I swear to god I do. I’m so sorry…” he whispered, pulling up to embrace you again. You let your arms wrap around him, your safe place, your home. He’d finally told you he loved you, after weeks of not hearing those words fall from his mouth. 

“I love you too, Jake.” You said through cutting sobs. “I’m so sorry I never told you, told any of you. I should have been honest from the get go. I was just too afraid to tell the truth of why he was following me. Could’ve saved us a lot of difficulty.” 

“No, no no…” they all chimed in unison. 

“No, Y/N. That was something you didn’t have to share with us. You could’ve kept that secret for as long as you needed to.” Josh said. 

“Yeah, this is him being crazy, not you. Don’t worry. We’ll keep you safe. All of us will.” Sam added. “He’s not gonna get what he thinks he deserves. We won’t let him.”

“Yeah, no way that fucker is getting anywhere near you ever again.” Jake added. 

You nodded. “I’m trying really hard, guys. I’m trying to be better. I think getting this off my chest was the real start of it.” You said, tears staining Jake’s shirt. “I’m ready to heal.”

The other two silently made their way over to you and Jake, wrapping their arms all around you and each other as they held you in their own cage of protection. 

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, all embraced together, but right then you knew you’d made the right decision in telling them. They harbored no blame, no judgment, no ill feelings toward you. Just love. Devastatingly perfect love. 

——

After a few minutes of silent sobs and embarrassed tears, the four of you stood to gather yourselves. 

“Well, that was a lot, sorry guys.” You laughed nervously, stepping away a bit. 

“Please stop apologizing, Y/N. There’s nothing at all to be sorry for. If anything you should be patting yourself on the back, for sharing that with us. That’s a huge step.” Josh said. 

“Yeah, babe. Don’t be sorry to us. We’re all gonna get through it together. One step at a time, okay? We won't leave you.” Jake said, rubbing your shoulders from behind. 

Sam walked up and took you in a giant embrace, his chin resting on your shoulder as he spun you in little half circles. “Can’t believe you held that in for so many years…I’m–I’m so sorry, Y/N.” His whisper was quiet in your ear. This was the closest you’d been with Sam since…

“Thanks, Sammy. It’s alright. In a dark place for way too long…ready to walk away from it.”

He pulled back, taking your head in his hands. “And we’ll be right here to hold your hand as you do. Okay?” You nodded, more tears forming as you felt his familiar comforting touch. He laid a sweet kiss to your forehead, and backed away. A little more light conversation added some happiness to the heavy atmosphere, and you suddenly felt yourself become extremely exhausted. 

The air changed, and Josh and Sam caught the drift that it was time for them to go home. “Thanks for listening to me, guys. Means more than you know.” You told them as you walked them toward the door. “I’m gonna tell Elle and Daniel soon, so. Just wanted you three to know first.”

They nodded, sending you more sweet goodbyes as they shut the door behind them. You turned to see Jake leaned against the countertop, his face completely sunken in with an expression that didn’t make sense. 

“You wanna go for a walk or something?” He said. 

You sighed, walking back over to wrap yourself up in him. “No, I gotta clean up the kitchen.” You said. 

“No, baby. That can wait until tomorrow. It’s fine.” Jake replied. 

“Okay…kinda wanna go lay down again.” You laughed. 

You walked under his arm back to the bedroom, changing into something comfy, and sliding back under the covers with him. He took you up in his arms, pulling you close as you let yourself finally breathe. 

“I don’t know what to say, babe. I’m proud of you for being strong, though. I can’t believe you went so long holding that in…I couldn’t imagine what you’ve been going through keeping that to yourself.” Jake said, laying his cheek to your hair. 

“I almost called you. That day I went to the clinic. I didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to go by myself. But, I just…”

“You should’ve called me! I would have gone with you, talked to you…” he said, voice rising. 

“You were in Europe, Jake. Not even in the same time zone. But, I did it. Got through it. It all…worked out…” you said, squeezing him tighter. 

“I know…I’m so sorry baby.” he whispered. 

You took another deep breath. “Jake, there’s more, though…”

He pulled back a bit, looking at you sternly, pity on his face. “More…?”

You buried your face in his chest. “After everything with the baby, in the year or so after, when I’d go to my annual checkups, they told me it was a miracle I even conceived at all. And after the procedure, I was left with a lot of internal scarring. Lots of… strange complications. Told me it would be extremely difficult for me to even get pregnant ever again, without intervention.”

“Fuck, babe…” he mouthed. You felt his body go limp.

You sat up, able to look him in the face now. “That’s why…that’s why I never told you about it. I didn’t think you’d want me anymore, if you knew I might not…” 

“Shit, Y/N, no. No no no, please don’t.” He sat up and squeezed you again, more sobs rattling through your chest. 

“It’s not fair to you, Jake. You deserve that. And I was selfish in not telling you, but I just love you so much, and everything was so scary and crazy, I didn’t want you not in my life…”

He pulled away, grasping both of your hands in his. “Listen to me, Y/N. You’re it for me. Okay? You always have been. I’m ready to have you any way you are, no matter what. Please, don’t for one second think that I think less of you. Ever. You’re the most amazing thing in my life and I’m not ever letting you go.” 

“But what if I can’t give you what you’ve always wanted?” You cried. 

“You are what I’ve always wanted, Y/N. Only you! As far as that goes…we will figure it out, babe. You and me. We’ll make it through all that together, okay? We have tons and tons of options. I’m not even worried about it.” He pulled you into him again, qualming your tears as he soothed you. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but first we have a few places to stop along the way.”

“You think we will get there?” You breathed.

“Yeah baby… I know we will. I think about it almost everyday.” he says. 

“You do?” you whisper.

“Yeah Y/N. I…I know you’re the one. You always have been. I was stupid to ever let you go. I’m not going to make that mistake again. I swear.” he says, pushing the hair from your face.

“I love you Jake.” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He pulls you down on top of him, holding you close to him as he kisses your head, “I love you too Y/N. I always always will. Until the day I die. I swear it.”

As you let him hold you, your mind raced again but a little more peacefully now, knowing that this was just the beginning. You’d started on a brand new journey, and family had taken on a whole new meaning. Facing it head on was going to be the challenge, but you felt stronger than ever. Ready to weather a new storm, with your compass heading set toward calmer seas. 

But in the back of your mind lingered a persistent demon, one that had haunted and tormented you for years on end. And though you felt safe here in your lover’s arms, you knew that the storm was still brewing, waiting, ready to wash you away the second it could. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

When someone we know and care about is impacted by domestic violence, it is hard to know how to help. But friends and family are important in supporting people experiencing domestic violence so they feel empowered to leave. Waiting for the perfect words could keep you from seizing the opportunity to change a life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there is help. All it takes is one call to the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or Text START to 88788 to discuss your situation.  

For more help identifying the signs of domestic abuse visit this site for tons of helpful resources.

If you are pregnant and unsure about your feelings or what to do next, we recommend calling the All-Options Talkline at 1-888-493-0092 from anywhere in the United States or Canada. All-Options offers unconditional, judgment-free support for people in all of their decisions, feelings, and experiences with pregnancy, parenting, abortion, and adoption.

Vigilance The Outtakes : Disruption

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