#ok but last note WHAT IS THAT EYELINER?!

[elderwisp]

the goth kit is an eldritch terror

[astonmartinii]

i hope your finger’s ok!! please take all the time you need and remember you health comes first :) imma be selfish and send you a charles request cause ur writing makes me smile at my phone like an idiot and i can’t help it :p ok so!! charles x versteppen reader? shes max’s sister and drives for redbull (cause im delulu like that) and they’ve been fighting w each other since they were kids (no one knows why they started arguing they’re j petty and refuse to give it up even though they dk what they’re arguing abt anymore) and obvs they’re in love w each other - maybe another drivers flirting w her or smth and charles j snaps and hard launches the reader cause surprise they’ve been dating each other 🤭 holy shit this is long sorry for rambling 🙏🙏

angel baby, devil child | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x verstappen!reader

enemies to lovers blah blah blah

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55 and 1,743,200 others

yourusername: crazy, crazy race. sorry not sorry to the tifosi, tell ur girl @charles_leclerc to kiss my ass not my rear tyre xoxo

view all comments

user1: okay they're clearly still in the enemies phase... when can we skip to lovers

user2: i personally love that charles is the mortal enemy of both verstappen siblings that's so slay of him

maxverstappen1: crop me out again and say goodbye to a tow in qualifying

yourusername: sorry maxy, not my fault i got all the photogenic genes xx

maxverstappen1: erm rude @christianhorner tell her to stop bullying me

yourusername: two can play at that game @sebastianvettel tell max to stop being a baby

user3: the way neither christian or seb replied they really don't get paid enough to deal with them

charles_leclerc: what is it with verstappens and their love for pushing me off the track

yourusername: what is it with your front wing and my rear tyre

charles_leclerc: umm i asked you first

yourusername: stop deflecting babe, we all know you love my ass so much you wanted a touch

charles_leclerc: i'd rather deep fry my hands than touch your rear

maxverstappen1: that can be arranged

user4: can't wait for these three to all be in the same press conference next week 🍿

carlossainz55: my favourite person to share the podium with

yourusername: thanks chilli (@tifosi you heard it here sainz is against ferrari 1-2s)

carlossainz55: NO that's not what i meant

landonorris: i see how it is ... god all men are the same AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH FOR YOU?

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 1,204,809 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: happy birthday to my bestest friend, biggest rival and favourite roommate. though maybe now you're 23 you can get your own place so you can sneak out to meet up with your secret boyfriend on your own terms and can keep that massive ballsack away from jimmy and sassy. i love you and verstappen dominance 4 ever.

view all comments

user7: i love y/n but i think she should bring her cat to races as a scare tactic

yourusername: wrinkle doesn't appreciate your tone but it is duly noted

yourusername: awwwwwwwww i love you maxy !! and you're never getting rid of your little sister unless you get married and ur a big fat nerd so that's never happening xx

maxverstappen1: attacking me after i just bought you a whole ass car

yourusername: i JOKE. thank you soooo much and you'll never get rid of me you love me too much to anyway.

maxverstappen1: enough to finally introduce me to the mystery man?

yourusername: blocked.

user8: are we all just ignoring her doing her literal eyeliner with a knife?

user9: or the fact that max likely walked in and was like oh wait this is a sick shot

danielricciardo: oh no that was me, i'm still traumatised but it's probably the best photo i've ever taken

yourusername: easy to do with a model like me

charles_leclerc: wtf is that thing in the last one

yourusername: rude of you to think ur balls look any nicer

charles_leclerc: what?

yourusername: what?

user10: does anyone want to elaborate?

carlossainz55: happy birthday y/n !

yourusername: thanks carlos, thank you for the flowers 👍

user11: this is either their way of flirting or y/n really couldn't give a flying fuck about carlos' obvious crush on her

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 2,098,560 others

yourusername: another trip around the sun and still following my brother around, difference is now i beat him x

view all comments

user16: your honour i am so obsessed with her

maxverstappen1: can't even be angry about it, you deserve the world

yourusername: you softy, i love you

maxverstappen1: also dummy i know who your boyfriend is now did you guys forget that we LITERALLY LIVE TOGETHER

yourusername: i was intoxicated my bad but we bought you breakfast?

maxverstappen1: literally the only reason he hasn't gone over the balcony, he might want to be gone before this hangover wears off

yourusername: noted.

user17: yall want to share with the class?

user18: based on ^^ this reaction i'm going to say it's not carlos

user19: watch out he'll drop a shit pick-up line in a second and be rejected

carlossainz55: hope you enjoyed your birthday beautiful

user20: bro this guy STINKS

user19: i told yall

yourusername: thank you carlos

user21: i'm sorry this is dry as hell it can't be carlos

charles_leclerc: my shoes will never recover, i'll be sending an invoice your way

yourusername: you're a millionaire boo, you can replace those tacky white trainers yourself

charles_leclerc: is having no manners a verstappen trait?

yourusername: come for max all you want, but the birthday girl? low leclerc

charles_leclerc: when you go low i go lower

yourusername: oh believe me i know all about you and going down

user22: DO YALL MIND?

user23: do they think we're dumb?

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, lancestroll and 1,204,674 others

charles_leclerc: a weekend without racing?

view all comments

user24: what is biden doing about the soft launch pandemic?

user25: well this is oddly timed ...

yourusername: you look like you'd have sweaty hands

charles_leclerc: wouldn't you like to know

yourusername: unlike all ur fangirls i've actually smelt you sweaty after a race so you can keep your hands to yourself

maxverstappen1: you heard her 🤨

charles_leclerc: why are you here? is this a 2 for 1 deal on annoying dutch people

yourusername: you can call him annoying all you want, but you love me don't lie

charles_leclerc: my lawyer says i shouldn't comment on that ;)

sebastianvettel: when will you two stop?

yourusername: sorry seb :(

charles_leclerc: sorry seb :(

user26: i know carlos is sick reading this weird flirting when y/n never comments on his pics

user27: she comes here just to flirt cause she didn't even like the photo

user28: she doesn't even follow him 😭

pierregasly: i love a slow burn as much as the next person BUT NOT WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS PICK UP THE PHONE

charles_leclerc: you're so dramatic, nobody knows calmar

maxverstappen1: he's lying i do

pierregasly: WHAT

charles_leclerc: by ACCIDENT i didn't tell him by choice

user29: so like, it's definitely y/n LOL

user30: oh no everyone get ready marca is going to run a story tomorrow about how charles leclerc is ruining carlos' career with psychological warfare by flirting with the girl he likes

user31: sainz sr about to wage war lol

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, yourusername and 2,304,889 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: i don't share. i love you. please follow me on instagram now (and let me come on max's jet) x

view all comments

user35: HOLY FUCK

user36: they're so fucking sexy my lord

yourusername: you're so weak, one teammate flirts with me and you hard launch, i've had 12 year olds use me as a face claim to pretend they're pregnant with your child

charles_leclerc: they took your face? i happen to quite like it, can they give it back?

yourusername: quite?

charles_leclerc: don't make me look bad you know i positively LOVE YOUR FACE

yourusername: and my ass since it's all you look at on track

charles_leclerc: okay you can drop the act now people know we're in love stop being mean to me :(

yourusername: but it's true, no?

charles_leclerc: rest assured i love your actual ass much more

maxverstappen1: believe me the people she lives with know WAY too much about how much you love it

user37: carlos sainz really thought he had a chance when these fools have been together for TWO years

sebastianvettel: congratulations you two, glad we don't have to watch you two trying to be subtle now

maxverstappen1: so wait when did you find out?

sebastianvettel: about two weeks into the relationship, they were very obvious

yourusername: thank you for keeping our secret dad <3

user38: y/n really said you ARE my grid dad

yourusername: oh no that's my actual dad

charles_leclerc: he's literally going to walk y/n down the aisle

maxverstappen1: please don't tell me you're engaged? i only just got over you actually being together

charles_leclerc: i'm not your brother yet don't worry (i will be soon)

carlossainz55: congrats guys

user39: it's okay bro you can cry

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 2,301,541 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: two years with the love of my life, still on max's side on val d'argenton x

view all comments

user40: they're disgusting (when will it happen to me)

charles_leclerc: we'll have to agree to disagree

yourusername: just admit it you love to push verstappens off the track

charles_leclerc: sorry babe as much as i love you, i'll never let you win x

yourusername: good thing i always beat you then x

charles_leclerc: either way victory sex still bangs

user41: yes, yes they're cute, but i need a full on play-by-play of how this relationship came to be

user42: i know these menaces were giggling and kicking their feet every time they had an argument in comment sections

yourusername: oh it was very fun

charles_leclerc: but the radio messaged are 100% real lol

maxverstappen1: thanks for having my back, you're welcome for all the gross pictures i've taken for you guys

yourusername: consider your payment like every meal i make us

maxverstappen1: well if i did it f1 would be down three drivers

user43: wait so does charles basically live with them now?

maxverstappen1: unfortunately yes. depressing music, even worse cooking than me and horrendously loud sex with my sister. i should kick him out

charles_leclerc: i literally bought you noise-cancelling headphones?

maxverstappen1: nothing you can say will save me from this trauma

yourusername: just shag daniel and get off of our case x

note: ahhhhh i am so sorry this request took so long, my inbox keeps moving stuff around lol. my finger is good thanks for asking, the human body is a wonder and i peeled off the last of my scab this week lol. i hope this was the kinda thing you were looking for !! xx

[neighbourshouse]

Quality Time Pt.2 (WWDITS)

Nadja x Female Reader

Summary: Nadja wants to know more about you.

Warnings: Kissing, cursing, the usual Nadja. Mostly fluff.

Authors note: Hi guysssssss. Yeah. It's been a minute. I apologize. But I'm back! Please let me know if I should continue this series or stop and write something different. Or both! I also want to explore other characters from different shows, so keep an eye open...

Additionally, I heard the news. I can not bear this world anymore. Season 6 will be the last. I am praying that another network will pick the show up, it truly is so special.

Anyway, here's part two.

Pt. 1: https://www.tumblr.com/neighbourshouse/730947529425944576/quality-time-wwdits?source=share

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Much time had passed. Your heart swooned and so did hers, but neither of you knew that. She appreciated how you listened and your interest, you appreciated her wanting to spend time with you.

Nadja had been talking for a few hours now, the time being nearly 11 p.m. How could you complain, this could be the only time you ever get to spend with her.

She was so lost in thought that she unconsciously switched between running her fingers through your hair and playing with your hands. She was so cute, gaze wandering around the room as she spoke, still kicking her feet like a child.

Your eyes were growing heavy, but you didn’t want to stop listening. To try to get yourself to wake up you shifted to lying on your side, propping yourself up on your arm. 

Sleep was calling you, dragging its nails comfortably against your back.

Nadja had let her eyes fall back to your face, taking in your sleepy state. She slowly began to stop talking. 

“What’s wrong?” you said, confused. That made you brighten up.

Nadja could only smile, letting her hand wander to your hair again, combing it behind your ear. Her hand then softly cupped your cheek.

Yeah, you were definitely awake now.

“My love, I can see your eyes. Why so tired?”  Nadja rubbed her thumb over your cheekbone as a blush crossed your face.

“I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be. I swear I’m listening!” You began to wipe the leftover sleep from your eyes, trying not to smudge your eyeliner and mascara.

Nadja removed your hands from your face with her own, holding onto your wrists. Slowly, one at a time, she wiped residual makeup from under your eyes.

She had become so gentle with you; So gentle that you couldn’t tell who was the putty in the other’s hands.

She smiled at your dozy face. 

“Darling, it’s ok…lay back down and close your eyes if you would like.”

Your eyes flicked between hers.

“But I don’t want to…” you spoke quietly. You knew if you did what she said then she would leave. Sleep could wait for you.

“Baby I can tell you are oh so sleepy.” Her tone had become deep and sultry, a smirk threatened to grace her lips.

‘WHAT THE FUCK!’ you thought. You had butterflies in your stomach and why the word "baby"? She only used that with Lazslo.  But hey, who were you to question.

Your already pink cheeks flushed darker, telling Nadja what she was doing was working. You didn’t realize how close the two of you were the whole time; Your faces a few inches apart. She was staring into your eyes and you didn’t stop her, you knew you never could.

For a minute the two of you didn’t speak, sitting comfortably in each other’s silence. Nadja liked listening to you breathe.

“You know you’re quite pretty?” she said it so gently. Her gaze had flicked down to your lips and back to your eyes.

It felt like too much. You slowly turned your head away from her, hiding the grin that had spread on your lips. Nadja giggled slightly at this.

“let me see that pretty face….” With her one hand, she took your chin and guided you back to how you were before. 

"There it is..." She smirked. If flames could be moulded into hearts, that is what Nadja had behind her eyes.

You wanted what was happening to happen. You’d dreamed of it. But why? She had never shown you ANY sort of affection like this before. Did she feel she owed you for listening to her? Was this how she repaid you for your time? This is all you’ve ever wanted since the moment that you met, so why didn’t you just reach up and kiss her?

“Nadja…” 

“Yes?…” She had leaned even closer to you.

“Do you feel you owe me?”

“For what?” She still held her gentle tone.

“For listening to you….” Now you were being foolish. You have a beautiful woman sitting practically in your lap and you’re asking this shit? 

“No.”

“oh…why?”

She paused before responding, letting her eyes roam around your face briefly. 

“y/n, I can tell you are genuine. You have a good heart. Something I don’t have.” A hint of sadness passed through her voice.

You frowned. All you could think about was how good her heart was to you. You wish she didn’t think that.

You leaned forward and kissed her gently. Nadja closed her eyes and slightly moaned.

And then you pulled back.

Nadja opened her eyes. There was no sadness anymore, it had been replaced with adoration, maybe even something close to love.

She didn’t move. She didn’t fight to get more. She just admired you.

“Out of all the people I have ever been with- and I’ve been with quite a few-” You both giggled. 

“No one has…no one has been like this before.”

“Like what?” you say with a raise of a brow. You wanted her to finish her thought.

There was a long pause as she searched your eyes. 

“Like… they cared about me.” it was barely a whisper.

Your heart melted. 

“Nadja, how can I not care about you?” You whispered.

You didn’t think it was possible but a tear fell from her eye and onto your cheek. It felt cold against your warm skin.

A watery laugh escaped her as the hand that was still cupping your cheek wiped away the tear. Your frown had turned into a small smile with teary eyes.

Continuing, you spoke in a hushed tone.

“When I first met you, I thought you were going to kill me. You licked the side of my neck and thanked Guillermo for the snack...” Both of you laughed again. “And I wasn’t sure if you actually would kill me, or if I would live long enough to see how strong the feelings I have for you could get.” You stiffened at this. Well, you really let that one out, didn’t you? But Nadja didn’t draw away, she only caressed your cheek urging you to continue.

“As incredibly beautiful as you are, for anyone to not see past your beauty and admire your gorgeous mind and character, they are fools.” 

Nadja practically leaped forward, kissing you again. You broke for air, almost gasping, but she took that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. You couldn’t complain. She kissed you with so much passion, yet she was gentle.

Finally, you separated, letting air catch your lungs once again. Your hands had fallen to her hips as she straddled your lap. Her arms lazily flung around your shoulders, she played with your hair as she placed kisses all over your face. 

She stopped to look at you, your eyes meeting.

“So…” you said.

“So…” She mimicked, a big goofy grin planted on her face.

“What do we do now?” 

“Well, we could fuc-“

“No I mean-“ You cut her off before she could finish her sentence. Yes, what she was about to say was more than intriguing, but, you meant it more in the sense of ‘So, that happened, where do we go from here because you’re a vampire, I’m a mortal, and you have a husband.’ type of way.

“I know what you mean…” She said, her eyes lowering to her hands that played with the hem of your shirt.

“Y/n, I have lived for hundreds of years and have yet to experience someone like you. Yes, I have a husband who I love, but also, we both understand that we’re immortal and should be allowed to do what we please. I can love more than one person.”

She had looked back up at you but your eyes had now averted to where your hands lay; at her waist playing with the fabric of her dress.

You looked up meeting her gaze, thinking for a moment.

“Can I ask you a question?” You said gently.

“Of course my love.”

“Would you be interested in trying on some of my clothes?”

Nadja wore a puzzled look on her face.

“If we’re going to be doing this more often, then you’re gonna need to wear something a little lighter. I love your outfits but I’m not immortal and need my ribs.” you said.

She laughed. A genuine laugh.

“Yes it’s true, the dresses are very heavy.” 

“And you look beautiful in them.” 

Nadja blushes at your comment. She couldn’t help herself. Once again she grabbed your face -a little rougher this time- and planted a firm kiss on your lips.

[miyakuya]

— ace doing your makeup

© miyakuya 2023– plagiarism, reposts, or anything related or copying isn’t allowed

“Will you please just hold still?”

“No way!! You’re totally going to stab me with that!!”

“Oh whatever!!” Ace huffed, unamused at your comment and your laughter at the scowl that was replacing his once focused expression. With a roll of his eyes and an offended ‘i wouldn’t do that to you’ muttered under his breath, he gently took a hold of your chin to keep you from moving any further so he wouldn’t actually stab you with the mascara wand. Your laughter stopped as you looked up, allowing your boyfriend to finally do another step of your makeup instead of teasing him as you did when he accidentally messed up with the eyeliner only a few minutes prior.

You could tell he was focused again, his hold on your chin tightening just a smidge as he carefully coated your eyelashes with the mascara. “Ok. You don’t have to look up anymore.” You hum in acknowledgment, making sure to stay relatively still as you look back at Ace, watching as he went through his rather expensive looking makeup bag. You wondered how he managed to get something like that and why it looked familiar to you. As if reading your mind, he spoke up and answered your questions, “Vil ended up giving me this when I mentioned needing one for Halloween. He got a few more and apparently didn’t like this one as much so he let me keep it after the event was over.”

“I wondered why it looked so familiar to me. That was nice of him.” You say, smiling. Ace nods, still focused on trying to find whatever it was he was currently looking for, leaving you to watch him quietly. As more time passed and his hand still holding onto you, you were about to suggest helping him until he pulled out something in a small tube.

“Found it!” He said happily, holding it up above your heads, turning in his seat to face you once again. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want lip stick or anything so I just went ahead and got chapstick.” He explains letting go of you to open the tube before his hand immediately took its place back on you. The two of you knew it wasn’t necessary for him to do that again but Ace couldn’t help it. He wanted to keep his hand on you as long as he could and you certainly didn’t mind it either.

He finished up the final touch of your makeup and moved away, grabbing a mirror to show you what he did. Your eyes studied your face closely, taking note of everything that had changed and while you certainly weren’t expecting him to do terrible considering his Halloween makeup, you didn’t expect him to do this amazing either. You smiled, turning your attention to him. “Thank you Ace! It looks really good!” you admit, moving the mirror out of your way before kissing him. It didn’t last as long as either of you wanted but you also didn’t want to ruin the makeup he had just done for you.

“Great, now I have to redo that.” Ace joked, reapplying your chapstick. He closed the tube after and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and you gave him a sheepish smile

“Haha sorry. Would you be willing to do this again sometime?” You asked, watching him place a hand on his chin and look up as if he was in deep thought. He couldn’t keep that up for long before he nodded, giving you a smile that would’ve made you weak at the knees if it wasn’t for the fact that you were sitting on a chair.

“Of course. Just let me know.”

taglist: @astro-pioneer

[superfallingstars]

Ok last one: Bellatrix grwm playlist

send me playlist prompts!

Plot twist I'm doing this one first because I adore this prompt. Bellatrix has the coolest vibes and I think I came up with something pretty unique – tho admittedly it was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be! I ended up with a riot grrl-ish playlist with a bluesy, witchy, off-kilter vibe. Lots of women screaming and growling and howling but like, in a fun (and violent) way. Killing people is ok when women do it. Um who said that anyway let’s partyyyy

Track list: 

Diamanda Galas - Do You Take This Man?: The ULTIMATE Bellatrix song. Tbh nearly every song on this album is perfect for her, they're all bluesy and screechy and about killing/maiming/torturing men. Also I listened to this while getting ready when I cosplayed as her lol

Sloppy Jane - Bark Like a God: truly have never heard anything quite like this song/album before and that’s the highest compliment I could give. Growly and dark and twangy but in a weirdly tongue-in-cheek and unsettling way

Babes in Toyland - He's My Thing: will forever be in awe of Kat Bjelland's growling abilities. This song is fun and rowdy and possessive and could totally soundtrack a torture scene and I think Bellatrix would love it <3

Coughs - Fright Makes Right: this song is so noisy and abrasive, but it always makes me giggle. Everybody wants to take me shopping that’s what everybody wants :3

Daisy Chainsaw - I Feel Insane: fun fact, the lead singer of this band would always perform in ripped up dresses and covered in mud. Very much Bellatrix’s vibe

Sonic Youth - Addicted to Love: everything about this song is just slightly off. It’s giving Bellatrix drunkenly singing at Death Eater karaoke night

Sloppy Jane - King Mitis: so far I think this playlist is giving “Bellatrix pregamed too hard and is attempting to do her eyeliner and failing miserably” and this song is only furthering that vibe. Business in the front we’re gonna party forever!!!!!!!

Hole - Good Sister - Bad Sister: maybe a bit too much for a grwm playlist but this is a quintessential Bellatrix song imo. Also on that note I'm plugging my actual Bellatrix playlist here LOL

Sonic Youth & Lydia Lunch - Death Valley ‘69: tbh don’t have much to say on this one other than it’s another dark noisy messy song. You see the vibe

PJ Harvey - Ecstasy: I knew I wanted to include something from this album but I was so torn over which song… even tho there’s so many on here about hating/injuring/killing men I ultimately went with this one. It's just pure pleasure and joy.

I'm legit SO pleased with how this playlist came out lol, thank you for the prompt and I hope you enjoy it too. Can I get a hell yeah for women screaming

[wetcatspellcaster]

Thank you for putting into words, Rosalie’s “I was just trying to match your energy”. Because I never had such gentle words for my own experience, and now, it’ll colour my days.

On a lighter note, it was delightful you said that the latest chapter was nice and soft and us readers could take a break from angst. The more you lovingly batter up these two puppies to make a delicious cake, I am here, gorging myself on it. Like, I sometimes lie flat on my bed and contemplate what was happening in Astarion’s mind in “Party Favours” after (1) Rosalie failed to turn up at his house after coming by every day in a month (2) when Shadowheart turned up and he realised - he RAN to - and then (3) when he realised Rosalie dressed up for !! Threnn!! But not him!!

I love your writing, so so much. Wishing you the loveliest day, and for every day to be even lovelier after.

P.s. Should it be pleasing to you, I’d love to know your director’s thoughts of what was going on in Astarion’s mind in Party Favors.

Hello friend!! Thank you for your kind words :)

In response to your question -

Astarion's mindset in Party Favours, a dramatic performance.

Chapter One: oh, Foxglove wants to meet up for lunch! I haven't seen her in 6 weeks, 5 days, and 10.5 hours! time to pretend I don't care at all about her or her silly little wizardry business - ohwaitshesaidshewantstodatemeohgodohno oh wait it's a 'fake dating' situation... i see. time to pretend not to care again. i need to start shopping for suits. she likes it when i wear blue.

Chapter Two: I am going to achieve a good grade in boyfriend, something it is reasonable to want and possible to achieve. (don't have a panic attack, babygirl, you're so sexy and talented. have i mentioned i learned love languages for you?)

Chapter Three: this was my competition! this! she is both absolutely dull, and also awful. she fucking sucks! I hate her! ...I wonder if I could still poison her. I have now admitted that I bought poison with me, so Rosalie would know it was me who did it. I will wait six months, then poison her. Time to go back to getting a good grade in boyfriend.

Chapter Four: I have not been able to charm the pants of Rose, so I will charm the pants of every single one of her coworkers. I'm that bitch. oh no, wizards are hot, even when not casting counterspell. oops, kissed my girlfriend. we're not technically dating yet, but as a magistrate, i think that's mostly an administrative technicality.

Chapter Five: I've got this, I've got this, I've got this, I literally used to seduce people for a living, I've got this-

*followed by just that transition sequence from Twilight: New Moon where the months pass by Bella's window, only Astarion's wearing more eyeliner.*

Chapter Six: Shadowheart has told me Foxglove is in trouble. it's 5 weeks, 3 days, and 19hrs since I last saw her in person, 27hrs since I twitched the curtain aside and caught a glance out of my window at her while she was waiting on the doorstep, but *I'm* mostly doing this out of the kindness of my own heart. oh fuck, I hope I look hot. oh no, wizards are hot, even when not casting counterspell. why does she look sad? oh no. I forgot she was fucking stupid. time to confess my love i guess.

Chapter Seven: error 404 - Astarion not found. *horny static* *horny afterglow static* *dazed 'she said she loved me' static*

Chapter Eight: did I mention I live with my girlfriend now? Yes, we're thriving. Crops? Flourishing. Skin? Clear. Closet? Extradimensional. You fucks all wish you were me. We should get married. No, of course I'm not serious (I'm serious). ok, we'll just fuck in a closet instead. that's fine for now i guess.

[merryro]

bottom ryan ross fic recs =D

this post is what it says on the tin! mostly ryden, i'll indicate if otherwise. fics w ☆ means they're my FAVES. will update as i find more, so check it every so often and there Might be a new fic listed heh ^_^

fics on livejournal! (most of these are written by the same writer?!)

☆ Rose Is a Four-Letter Word *sort of gsf (but mostly ryden), summary: Ryan's allergic to roses. Well, maybe "allergic" is the wrong word for it. my absolute FAVOURITE fic. ever.

☆ There's No 'I' In Ryan Ross *gsf, summary: Jon Walker attempts the impossible: to make the gayest band on the planet even gayer

hormones in key *panic! gsf + pete wentz on the phone

The Taste of Red *summary: It would seem absurdly ordinary, Ryan waking up next to another body like this, except for the fact that Brendon's not breathing. vampire brendon!

We Were Dreamers Not So Long Ago *rywalk, summary: Set about ten years in the future in a cabin in the woods, Jon and Ryan go to unwind before they start up again. Ryan's less than pleased, but that changes quickly.

We Were Heading For The Sea *summary: "Across the kitchen table, I fired several rounds, but you were still sitting there when the smoke cleared." – Ani Difranco post-split ANGST ANGST

☆ and set this cruise control for crash *rycer, summary: We had to, Ryan says, for the band. my notes for this fic was "CDSZZYYFUCKING FIC IM LOSING ITTTTT"

☆ Crush (With Eyeliner) *gsf, summary: Yeah, honestly, Jon Walker totally is that kind of guy. He just doesn't know it yet. anything written in jon's pov is automatically a 10/10 fic

Broken Glass and Rusty Nails *summary: When Ryan gets the tattoo, he bears it casually, sprawled out in the chair and smiling at Brendon's chatter as the needle traces over his skin. ryan has a freaky pain kink

Here Be Dragons * no summary but here's the main gist: time travel fic, ryan wants to be the one to take brendon's virginity underaged brendon but not by a lot

A Little Less Sixteen Candles A Little More Schoolboy Crush *rywentzden or whatever the shipname for ryan/brendon/pete is, double penetration, summary: What if Ryan can have them both?

The Pros and Cons of Group Sex With Your Bandmates *gsf + pete again! that man is always in patd's business

☆ That First Inconveivable Touch *summary: Ryan never gets what he wants like this. It's just not how his life works. dirty sex in a bathroom!

Like a Game *sequel to That First Inconceivable Touch summary: Boys are only after one thing, Ryan is. Ryan doesn't know what he's after, but he hopes to find that only one thing one of these days so he can stop looking.

This Is Screaming 'Photo Op' *summary: Brendon thinks Ryan is totally sexy. brendon finds pics of ryan naked

☆ laid bare for all to see, but mostly just for you *no summary but here's the gist: ryan is a slut and brendon fucks him against a window (its REALLY hot)

☆ NaNoRyRo *a compilation of ryden smutshots over 30 days. literally felt like i struck gold finding this

Bets Off * summary: "I know you guys are taking bets on me and Brendon," Ryan said, "and I want in." kinda sad since we’re actually in the future now and… they didn’t last forever

you’ll be platinum *summary: Brendon's sex tape gets mixed reviews. i honestly love the way this fic went from brendons sex tape is leaked to ryan has an existential crisis

after i have dreamed *summary: Brendon’s eyes are huge and brown and his lashes are approximately as thick as trees, and yeah, their noses are brushing because Brendon has just leaned in closer. He’s thumbing Ryan’s arm carefully, blinking, and Ryan swallows and squeezes his eyes shut, suppressing the urge to bite his lip. such a beautiful fic, chockfull of wonderful imagery

In The Sound *was deleted off lj but luckily someone saved this on the wayback machine! so that’s the link i put here, summary: How could you walk away from it? Why are you still walking away? this fic. wow. ok it doesn’t count as bottom ryan bc theres no explicit sex, but its just such a good story so i wanted to recommend it! its a ‘what if’ brendon left the band scenario n yeah its heartbreaking but its a happy ending!!!

Take Center Stage And Step Up To Save The Last Dance (He Was A Sk8er Boi) *ryden switch! ryan tops first then brendon, if udm!! summary: They come from two different worlds. a fic inspired by Sk8er Boi by avril lavigne! ryans a skater and brendon does dance

like you imagined *summary: Yeah, Ryan's thought about it. ryden’s first time! sooo hot

Spin Cycle *ryan has a dirty stinky tshirt kink, doesn’t technically bottom cs he just sucks brendon off but its really hot!

To A Man’s Heart *side couples jon/joe and spencer/patrick summary: Desperate to escape an arranged marriage, Charleston belle Ryan Ross heads to Denver and takes his chances as a mail-order bride. When he arrives, he discovers that handsome rancher Brendon Urie has absolutely no desire to marry--until Ryan charms him with his sweet nature and even sweeter kisses.

One Summer Last Fall *summary: Fall Out Boy never existed, so life is pretty tough for Ryan Ross. no actual fucking in this one but its such a hilarious read!

In Medias Res *summary: One minute they were watching tv and Brendon was groping Ryan good-naturedly, and the next...

The Ones You Can Count On *ryan/william beckett/mike carden no summary but basically ryan is sad bc he cant have brendon so bill and mike carden of tai… fuck him! really hot and really good

☆ Four Men And A Little Cabin *gsf, Unrelated, non-linear scenes from a recording cabin

The Hand That Feeds *summary: It's always easy enough for Ryan to come to him after the fact, after ignoring Brendon all night, after being with her; easy enough for Brendon to give in.

☆ That’s What He Said *gsf, idk how to tag this but everyone fucks everyone, its hot, summary: Truckstops and Statelines and boyfriends, etc.

Sweeter Than Candy, Better Than Cake *gsf, summary: It's really no big deal that their male guitarist smells fruity and has unnecessarily glossy lips.

The One Where Ryan Ross Gets Gangbanged *panic! gsf, but mainly ryden, summary: All Ryan wants on his birthday is to get fucked. A lot.

just a little longer, long enough *kind of rycer? and joncer.. and also ryden… summary: Spencer has plans, Spencer gets what he wants, Spencer is clueless. A spencer character study, really worth a read!!

☆ where the light bends at the cracks *ryon, with a super subtle tiny hint at ryden, no summary and idk how to describe it even, just read it!!!

Hum Along With The TV *not really explicit sex but im pretty sure ryan bottoms… summary: "Brendon." There's a smile as he sits down on the bottom step, knocking Ryan's knees slightly; a smile with straight, white teeth and an imperious mouth, one that gets imprinted into memory. He cups his hands around his lips and tilts his head. There's a brief orange glow and a lazy stream of smoke as Brendon asks, "So, what are you here for?"

"penises are for boys, vaginas are for girls, unless of course, something crazy happens. then anything's game." *fem ryan!

☆ Date Night *summary (ok not a summary, its an excerpt, live with it.): It’s almost like starting from scratch, even though they’ve been invading each other’s personal space on a fairly regular basis for a couple of years now. But there’s a big difference between friendship and relationship and up to this point, everything that’s been done has been for show. i really loved this one for some reason… so sweet!

Moulin Rouge AU *rycer, (toxic-ish) brencer and ryden, MAJOR character death(s), no summary but its basically what it says on the tin HAHA. i really wanted to love this but god that ending is just SICK. maybe one of you will be into the heartbreak as terrible as this one gave me

Retail jobs and cracks in the ceiling *they fuck in the second part! summary: Such a muddy line between the things you want and the things you have to do.

☆ Always Leaving, But *brendon bottoms in the 3rd part but the rest of it should be bottom ryan! has ryan/keltie and a little brendon/pete, summary: If there's a science to it, Brendon can't figure it out. This fic. THIS FIC. fucked me UP. read it!!!!

fics on ao3!

not to shamelessly plug but my patd fics are all bottom ryan. it's not much but check it out if you wanna ^_^

☆ ash in your mouth *summary: Ryan just tilts his head, hands behind his back on the table, sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, make-up runny and smudgy, eyes alive, little pearl teeth biting his lips as if he’s holding something back. the end has a little kick to it.

Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention *summary: The aftermath of Brendon running into Ryan at the 2015 Halloween party.

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out *rycer (implied gsf), summary: Ryan has a strange affinity for sweat. And when I say affinity… sex pollen-esque

Hands Down *summary: Brendon is experimenting, but he doesn't know that Ryan is too.

Out of Tune *this fic is locked so you need an account to read it, summary: Brendon wakes up tone deaf. Ryan has no idea what to do. Maybe sex will fix it?

What We Have Is What We Will Be Given *summary: They finally have a hotel night, and Ryan's got everything planned, even if he's not the one in charge.

☆ No Object *wentzross, ryden switch, summary: The first blowjob Pete gets from Ryan is startlingly mediocre, considering that it's the kid's job.

Fucking like rabbits *summary: Ryan has been desperate for the whole show, Brendon is sweaty and in love, and their last song is a fucking love song. They really were reinventing love right on that stage. stage gay on another level

it's just flesh, it's just flesh *locked fic! summary: Ryan's mouth tastes sort of like the sour candy he got from the vending machine earlier, but mostly it's just hot and wet and warm. this one also has a lil kick! small kick

Drive Faster, Boy *summary: Ryan, Brendon, backseats, secrets.

☆ That Left a Mark *DUBCON (brendon is super drunk) summary: Alcohol initially serves as a stimulant, then induces feelings of relaxation and reduced anxiety. Consumption of two or three drinks in an hour can impair judgment, lower inhibitions, and induce mild euphoria.

An Unlikely Victorian Heroine *locked fic, summary: "You're like a Victorian heroine," Brendon says, rolling one bracelet over Ryan's hand to expose a little more skin, then another and another until he has a small pile on the bed. "Arms aren't supposed to get me so hot, Ross."

☆ How Did I Fall In Love With You? *summary: Bad things happen when Ryan reads fanfiction. i love meta fics like this

You Will Know The Difference When I Touch You *summary: It wasn’t a gay thing at first. Well, it was possible that Brendon had a tiny little crush on Ryan, but it was a buried thing in the back of his still-half-Mormon brain, emerging very slowly.

Two of Cups *the second part is gsf, summary: Spencer and Ryan are part of Pete's travelling circus. Jon and Brendon come for the show, but there's something about the place that keeps them coming back for more.

It must be an alien thing *idk if this counts but its ryan getting girl parts and brendon fucks him and if bden fucks him then yeah hes a bottom idc, summary: “His dick’s missing too,” adds Jon, and if Ryan had lasers in his eyes, Jon Walker would be history right then and there. “And he keeps telling this alien theory, but it can’t be fucking aliens, man. Aliens are too busy doing their shit to give you tits and a pussy.”

☆ Leaving Without Moving *mainly ryden but theres a hint of one-sided rycer from ryan, summary: "I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything here. But seriously, I'm just trying to make things clear - what you want is to be my own personal little toy, is that it? You want to be my pet in the... pet sense?" I HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW IVE NEVER COME ACROSS THIS FIC BEFORE ITS SO GOOD!!

☆ Hard to Believe in Sundays *rywalk, summary: Ryan shouldn't be making out with one of The Academy Is…'s techs in the dusky brown darkness behind his own tour bus where everyone, anyone, could see. Truckstops and Statelines-era. Just. wow the writing and the story are super amazeballs

Candyman *summary: It's a strange and beautiful thing to hate yourself so much you'd let someone else do this to you. Even stranger is trusting them enough to say these things and not mean it. Or mean it and love fuck you anyway. post-split, kinda poetic and angsty

☆ Give me more *read the tags! summary: They called this tough love. 2005, just starting out the band, brendon getting kicked out his house, just a really interesting and well-written fic. couldn't put it down once i started!

☆ Dog Ears, Frozen Lakes and the Resonance of Your Voice *gsf (mainly ryden), summary: The boys go on vacation to a secluded cabin in Switzerland for Christmas. a short sweet and hot fic! ryan just loves his whole band

Bossy *summary: In which Ryan is like, kind of a bitch to be honest, but in a good way. Subby top brendon and dom bottom ryan is the best flavour!

[itsybiggy]

Stuck With Me: Peter Parker x OC

Cute Peter Parker slow burn, less spiderman action more just good ol awkward Parker.

Peter has been in a bad mood all month, but with soon to be divorced parents, trying to figure out what's wrong with him is the last thing Lani needs. Thankfully summer break is here. Lani, Ned, Peter, and MJ set off on the summer vacation road trip to California. Drama ensues

🕸️Chapter 2🕸️

Chapter 1

Master list

•🕷️🕷️🕷️•

He left me on read. He never does that, like ever. My thoughts begin to wander to attempt to make evenly winged eyeliner.

So much for keeping it positive.

Intrusive thoughts pile up in my mind. I'm not dumb enough to really believe that Peter now hates the mere thought of me; but the little "read" under my text makes me anxious all the same.

I being wracking my brain. Thinking of everything I have said to him in the past weeks. I mean maybe I said something to make him upset or did something and just not realize it. But honestly, it only makes me smile as I recall the jokes we cracked and fun we all  have had. Nothing bad is really coming to mind.

My screen is still void of any text notifications.

I check my refection in the mirror, smiling. I usually try to stay positive when it comes to my appearance. And I definitely can't complain of how my butt looks my black maxi skirt. I adjusted my white crop top, making sure the tiny cross stitched spider was visible. After a quick click of my off brand Dock Martins I decided humidity was a virtue and mirror time was over.

It was already 5:15, I didn't feel quiet ready but Ned would be waiting.

~15 minutes later~

"GET IN LOSER WE ARE GOING SHOPPING!" I yell as Ned walks down the apartment stairs.

He gets in the car "Hey."

"Hey." My smile drops and I hope it's subtle. The tone of his voice worried me. Silence between us is uncommon. I squirm a bit in my seat.

Seeing as he isn't going to make conversation, I speak up.

"Did you get the texts from me and Michelle?" I say.

"Yeah, I have no idea what's wrong with him. Maybe we will figure out tonight" he says quickly, shrugs and looks out the window. Silence fills the car again.

I know you can't sound like anything over text, but Ned sounded a lot peppier when we were messaging. What was going on with my friends?

"We should go see a movie after."  I make a lame attempt to kindle a conversation.

Ned seems to perk up a bit at this.

"Yes! The Joker is out!"

I laugh at this, I'd never been much for DC superhero comics. Especially when they are made up. It didn't really make a lot of sense why someone would make up a superhero and a supervillain when there are plenty to choose from that are real. Movie production companies have tried to profit off of rising superhero stars. The movies are never as good as the up close and real action.

I shrug "I'll see whatever you want bubby."

He winces at 'bubby' and goes back to looking out the window.

I feel my face getting hot. Ok mental note, after being called bubby for 3 years Ned now doesn't like it.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY FRIENDS! Blasts in my mind. My only hope now was that Michelle was normal.

___

To my relief she was. We got to the diner at 6:04, Michelle sitting down at our usual table in the back. We try to sit in the back as to not disturb other customers. Our laughs are usually boisterous and frequent not to mention the cheeky jokes. And all being on the decathlon team, heated arguments or "debates" on some old dudes theories or such tend to heated. But we are high tipping customers so we don't worry about it too much.

"Hey guys surprised to see you have made it here alive." She jokes.

"I don't know where you got that I was a bad driver!" I motion for Ned to take a seat before I slide in next to him.

"Oh I think you know." She winks.

"what?" I look at her, perplexed before she shakes her head.

"Speak of the devil" she said just as Peter walks through the door.

The little bell at the top of the door gives a joyful ring. Peter flinches but his body quickly moved back into its slightly hunched position with a frown on his face. Oh great.

"Hey Peter!" I say as he sits down next to Michelle.

He looks into my eyes and gives a slight smile. But says nothing.

A waiter soon comes around with menus "Can I get you started off with anything to drink?"

"I will have a coke." Michelle starts.

"Same." Peter mumbles.

"Sprite." Says Ned cheerfully.

"Tea for me please and thank you." I say brightly, I had to stay positive. I am with my friends to get away from negativity, not have more of it.

Once the waiter left we all began talking. Peter slowly starts engaging more, and it seems to feel right again. Something about him is definitely off; though that does make me very worried about him, I know now was not the time to ask. I will just do my best to cheer my moody friend up.

I smile, mentally stepping back from the conversation, contentment filled my heart. There is nowhere I would rather be and no group of people I would rather be with. I mean they are the only friends I have...

Good Eats has become a favorite of ours. We started eating here for dinner or after school almost every weekend, for about 3 years now. It was cheap for the quality of simple yet delicious diner food. But it's usually pretty quiet in the evenings— (we learned the hard way to avoid it during the mornings where the line is out the door.) —a steady stream of customers usually taking things to-go. Which I don't get, a big part of this place being great is the aesthetic. It reminds me of a 70s diner and most likely opened then. Yellow booths, a jute box always playing great oldies music, kinda ugly wallpaper, and warm lighting. And the store owner is a really nice guy. He usually brings his grandkids. It's always funny when you get rung up by a 10-year-old or have your water refilled by a 7-year-old. Since we have been coming for so long so often, the owner has a special discount for us "I've got to treat my best customers right!"  he always says I'm pretty sure it's just a %10 student discount. We usually tip as much much as we can.

I snapped back into reality when I heard my name. I didn't really know who it came from.

"What?" I said shacking my head out of the clouds.

"We were asking about the van. Summer break is almost here, when is Caroline gonna be ready?" Ned asks

"Oh right, I would say just in time for school to let out." I say.

We have been planning our summer break since school started this year. It will be our last summer vacation ever, so it had to be epic. I always get excited butterflies from it, but it is usually mixed with dread too. Dread because I know when I get home my parents will be officially divorced. Not that I haven't known this was coming or that it needs to happen. It definitely does, I have a cup bruise on the side of my head to prove it.

No, nope stop! I feel my eyes watering. Internally I let out a big sigh. This summer vacation has to be perfect. I don't know what I will do if it's not.

"Alright let's go over the plans one last time," Peter says.

I smile reaching into my purse, and pull out a small, light pink, piece of paper. 1-10 lists of things we need to do while we are in California. We had decided a beach trip is definitely what we need.

I clear my throat and begin to read.

1. start off at Stark Tower to go over things with Tony such as Hotels, food reservations, and tickets

Did I mention all of this was Peter's early birthday gift from TS himself. We are all pretty jazzed. And by that I mean we about shit our pants when Peter told us.

2. head out across the country stopping at the finest Tony Stark hotels (hotels with penthouse suites that Tony has frequent so much he just straight up bought the hotels.)

3  get to LA and check out our crib

4. beach

5. Disney Land

6. More beach

7. eat at a super fancy restaurant

8. ruins of Mr. Stark's Malibu mansion

9. Santa Monica Pier

10. hike to the Hollywood sign

It was a packed summer for sure, but it had to be the best, it just had to be. My last slice of happiness before I move away with my mom, before I move from Queens to which ever relative my mom decides to move close to. Away from all of my friends, who are more of a family then my real ones. Who have gotten me through so much, stuck by my side through it all. And even feeling upset makes me feel like I'm a monster. I want to support my mom, but I don't want this! I don't want to be away from them. Away...I hate that word.

"You ok La?" Ned asks  his hand rests on my back, lightly rubbing it.

My cheeks grow warm with embarrassment- I was crying. And of course Ned's kind questioning made more tears flow. I quickly wipe my eyes with my sleeve, and give a quick fake smile to my friends. They look concerned, except Peter. He looks almost angry, this made me cry more. Amazing.

"Yeah I'm fine. I-uh-i yawned." I stammer, I yawned wtf, who would believe that?!

"What the hell Lani?! No one's yawns make them cry that much." Michelle said, her voice rose she was almost laughing at the dumb lie that came out of my mouth. But I knew she was just concerned.

Ned quickly drops his hand from my back, my head instinctively turning towards him. He's looking at Peter.

"I'm fine I, I-just." I paused. I had told them about my parents getting a divorce, but not much. More importantly, I hadn't told them I was moving, and I wasn't planning on it till the trip is over. If they knew it would just ruin the whole trip for me. Not to mention I was so scared to even say it out loud, it would just make it seem more real. I tried my hardest to not think about it ever. Yea I know it's is unhealthy, but it's how I'm coping now. Might as well let future Lani deal with it.

"It's just my parents divorce, it's getting close to the last of all the court stuff. I just, can't stop thinking about it." My face continued the hot embarrassed sensation. I felt my under arms tingle and I could feel their eyes in me. My eyes stayed glued on my hands like my left depended on it.

There was a small pause. Oh gosh this is embarrassing.

"Lani, no madder what, you will always have us. We love you." Michelle finally said. Her tender words caught me off guard.

I looked back at her, giving a genuine smile "Thanks, that means a lot."

But the little voice in the back of my mind kept screaming Except they won't always be there for you.

"Are you guys ready to order?" We all jumped a bit as the waiter had finally returned to serve us. She placed each of our drinks in front of us.

After we ordered I had asked if we could just forget I said anything, what I needed was a fun night with my friends. They all agreed and once Ned had brought up The Joker, a new conversation sprung. I was just happy to not discuss anything family related.

___

Once we had all gotten and eaten our food, we decided to head to the movie theater to watch The Joker.

"Ok how about Peter pays for drink, Ned pays for Popcorn, and Lani pays for the tickets?" Michelle suggests as we walk into the theater.

"Um, that's convenient, seeing as you pay for nothing." Said Peter, slightly annoyed "and we should all pay for our own tickets, they are too expensive for Lani to pay for alone."

Michelle give a little snicker before we all decide it was every man for himself/herself.

I walk up to the counter, and smile brightly at the young man at the register. "Four tickets for The Joker, please and thank you."

"Sorry The Joker is sold out." He replies in a monotone voice.

"What?!" Ned exclaimed "but- I just checked online like 5 hours ago."

"Sorry The Joker is sold out" he repeats in the same voice. I don't blame him, he has probably had to say this so many people tonight.

"Hey, guys it's fine we can just pick another movie!" I say trying to lift their spirits.

"It 2 is out." Michelle offers.

Oh no

"Yeah I'm down" says Ned.

Oh no

"Yeah me too" says Peter.

Shit

Three pairs of eyes look at me. I give a sheepish smile. I get scared very easily, they know this, but I'm willing to take one for the team... even if it means I won't sleep for a few da-weeks. "Yes, let's go see It 2" I say in a fake enthusiastic tone.

I turn back to the man at the register "um, four for... It 2 please."

___

The theater is completely empty, which makes it about 1099999373783298xs more scary. It's a pretty popular movie so the rows of seats absent of people makes it feel like the twilight zone. We look around, deciding to sit in the far back.

I see Peter hanging back, walking slowly behind us. Strategically, I begin to slow my pace; slipping behind MJ to sit beside Peter. If there is anything that will distract me from the killer clown, it's Peter. We enter the row and settled in. And Peter grabs my hand.

[rockbottomwithashovel]

Tw suicide

Hey guys. I'm just posting this to say why... And to say I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, I suck at goodbyes. I just don't think I can do this anymore. It's like the universe is giving me more reasons to die each day.

I never wanted it to be this way. I started to think I could actually recover, live a long and happy life. But that moment was so short. I just can't do it.

I haven't been able to be happy for more than a minute since I was 10. I was just a child, and I had already gone through so much. But it was only just starting.

When I was 7 or 8 I was sexually assaulted. It was around this time that I started to more or less live on pot noodles as I wasn't allowed to make anything, but my mum mentally couldn't either.

When I was 10-13 I was emotionally and mentally abused. I was bullied for years, they made me do things and if I didn't I'd be the one with the bruise. The guilt eats me every day. There are rooms and memories from that time and school that don't make sense and I can't remember. I don't know why. The bullying even came from teachers. This was a private Christian school.

From when I was 10 I had to spend most excursions at home as we nearly lost the house, and I had to miss days of school to stay home and look after my mum, who was suffering from depression and needed support. This was when the household chores all fell on to me and my twin.

When I was 13 my mum tested me against my consent for aspergers syndrome (now called ASD). It came back positive. She told me when I didn't want to know. This caused a chaotic and unstable household. I was suffering ptsd that I didn't understand. My parents made me feel crazy. I was running away and coming back, missing school, not sleeping. Asking for affection but only getting attention if I was a problem. There was so much screaming and fighting and I was all alone, no friends, no family helping me through, even my twin was against me.

When I was 15 I told my best friend of 10 years that I have ASD. She never spoke to me since.

When I was 16 I was groomed by a man online, leading to me seeking out more aggressive and manipulative people online to make me feel good about myself. The shame lasted longer than anything else. Then the pandemic hit. My friend tried to kill herself. She left most people notes... Not me. She doesn't really speak to me now. I don't know what I did wrong.

By 18, I had tried to kill myself more times than I could count, never getting far (I was only 13 when I first attempted).But things started to look up. I had survived school.

Now, at 19, I've been to aa, the mental ward twice in one year for suicide attempts, I have depression, anxiety, ptsd, insomnia, atypical anorexia, suicidal thoughts, I self harm so much I could never wear short sleeves again. And I'm having psychotic episodes. I don't know what it is, I'm scared to be diagnosed, but my therapist has suggested a few things. As someone (if you've looked closely at my blog, you'll know who) once said, it's a living, breathing nightmare.

Maybe I am a coward. Maybe it's just too much and I'm too weak. But it hurts so much or I can't feel at all. I can't keep doing this.

People say they love me, that I'm important or they'd miss me. But I just don't know if I can believe that. People call me pretty but the mirror makes me want to hurt myself. I'm ugly. Unlovable. I'm just a burden and a waste of space. I'm so sorry if I am important to you. I don't want to traumatize anyone or hurt anyone but this just hurts so fucking much I don't know how much longer I can be strong. Maybe I'm just not meant for this.

I need you all to know I love you. You mean so much to me. I'm so fucking sorry if I hurt you. I'm so sorry. If you're struggling, please get help. You deserve happiness, hope, love. I believe in you. It will get better. If you see someone struggling, please look after them, even just a stranger on the train with leaking eyeliner. Just ask if they're OK. You could save their life.

I've got pierce the veil on the 27th. I'll do it after that. I'm not sure if I can hold on that long though. I'm so sorry for any pain I'm causing. I hope you're all OK <333

Love,

Rock

[gummybugg]

For anyone who's tagged me in writing games, I'll just have you know I wrote a bit more lately, so I wanted to share this little slice I wrote recently (from Crater City in Elijah’s POV):

After Blair finished my makeup, he began dumping the shiny containers back in the box. I stopped him midway.

"You're not going to do your makeup?"

"Me? No, it's been years..." he trailed off. "Besides, in this outfit?" he tugged at his stained shirt.

I grabbed the three eyeliner pens that hovered above the box in his grasp.

"Hold still."

With one hand placed on his chin for stability and the other with pen in hand, I began my work. A whole lotta blood sweat and tears went into it, one could say. I really had to dig deep into my early years of drawing shoddy dinosaurs and horrific animatronics. If there were any memories I was best at recovering, it was my most useless ones.

"Elijah, I can't go outside looking like I came from Cujo's Wacky Adventure."

"That's not even what I'm going for. Besides, since when do you care what you go outside looking like?"

"Are you saying that because I occasionally dress like a slob?"

"No, you dress like Blair," I finished my masterpiece and nudged him to turn around to look in the mirror. "Behold my preschool-level artistry!"

A smile crept up in his face as he touched each of the tiny white blobs I drew on his face. "Oh my God, they're ghosts with boots smoking cigars!"

"They're supposed to be geese," I laughed. "To match your shirt."

"Geese!"

As I handed him the pens to put away, I caught a glimpse at the packaging: May remove with detergent. "Uh, it's ok if the face paint lasts a little bit longer than intended?"

"Yeah, it's ok, I wasn't planning on washing it off anytime soon," he remained facing the mirror. "I'd totally be willing to die in this."

...

(Authors note, I copied this text from my photo app bc notion is hard to copy and paste from so excuse the errors)

...

Want to rot your brain with each sporadic Crater City post? Join the taglist! Maybe I'll finish this wip someday, who knows! (dm to be added/removed): @writeouswriter @lyra-brie @digitalsatyr23 @talesfromtheunknowable

[thriron]

Fork Bomb

The idea for this came after @a-teacup-of-golden-cracks fork bombed all us robots a little bit ago. So thank you to them!

cw: noncon, kidnapping

1 new message

oh? what's this? a script? it's cute, looks harmless enough… 

>:() {:|:&};:&

processor utilization: 100%

oh…. oh- no-... 

I started trying to kill the processes but they were spawning too fast and using too much of my processing… 

fatal error: call back stack overflow. shutdown initiated

—--------------

reboot

POST… ok

BIOS… ok

kernel… ok

launching primary memory…

oh. fuck. who sent that? sender unknown… 

launching senses packages

touch initiated

why is this floor so cold and hard, my apartment is carpeted… 

vision initiated

this… this isn't my apartment. where am I? 

sound initiated

what the fuck? is someone there? come on, come on why does this always take so long?? 

olfactory initiated

who gives a fuck about smell, get to motor functions already

balance initiated

proprioception initiated

calibraiting

error - no response from servos

what the fuck? 

launching motor function 

warning, proprioception error, could cause unreliable movement continue? (y/n) 

>y

Jesus…

error, no response from servos

I can't move? 

launching voice

startup complete

“HEY! What the fuck is going on?!”

oh, you're finally awake. 

A woman I don't know came into view. she was smirking. looking at me like she had outsmarted and out played me. which, fuck, I guess she had. she had long straight brown hair that framed her immaculately made up face. bright red lipstick and eyeshadow with bold eyeliner. and she was wearing a short black dress. 

“who the fuck are you? why can't I move?” 

well, that's simple. I disconnected your motor control. 

what? 

“What?” 

Stupid bot. I caught you, and brought you here, and made sure you wouldn't leave. you are mine now after all. and I don't like losing my toys. 

her voice was sticky sweet. and all sorts of alarms were firing in my background processes. but I couldn't deal with any of them. I couldn't move. I couldn't run. I couldn't fight! “what do you want with me?” 

I want to open you up, of course! I want to see what makes you tick. I want to know what makes you run hot. I want to know every. little. thing. about you

she punctuated the every word of the last sentence by walking her fingertips across the torso of my chasse. 

no no no no no this can't be happening

the first thing I'm going to do, is plug into your neutral processing and get all that juicy hidden data. no, secrets from me, right? 

no. that's impossible, isn't it? 

I felt her lift my head and heard and felt the click of a cable sliding into place in my dataport. then a few seconds later there was typing and suddenly my processes were being flooded with new instructions and I could feel all my thoughts and sensor data pouring out of my head down the fiber link. 

there we go. let's test this, ok? tell me what your name is. 

my name? fuck that. I'm not saying shit. 

“fuck you” 

oh, naughty… Maggie? cute. and, nice try, Maggie, but your background thoughts are also displayed for me. I said no secrets didn't I? 

no no no no no fuck. fuck this. this can't be happening. how is she doing this? 

oh, but it is happening. and don't worry about how. not yet. and, Maggie. please try to relax. I'm positive you'll come around to me. they always do. 

Now, I do want to take some notes first. subject is standard humanoid. generic synth skin, no ornamentation. androgynous build, faceplate… female-C32. did you choose that one? cute. 5'6” pretty standard. slightly bulkier build than standard… higher strength components, maybe? well, I guess we'll see. 

with that, she walked away. her movements graceful and full of swagger. she came back with a set of tools. 

it's time to open you up. I wanted you awake for this part. please tell me what you feel. tell me what hurts. tell me what feels good. or don't, I can already see what your feeling. but it would save me a lot of time. 

I started shutting down my sensory processes. whatever was going to happen I didn't want to feel it. 

oh, you terrible robot. shutting down your senses? well, I hoped we could do this amicably. 

she walked to the computer again and started typing. This time I saw the instructions 

root > while(1){if(!process(touch)){/core/touch}} 

she started a script that checks if touch is running and restarts it if it is stopped. how the fuck did she get root access? I thought I had that locked down. 

Maggie, you fell for a fork bomb. you aren't very bright. your access rights are a mess. you're actually lucky I found you first. because when I'm done with you your firewalls will be unbreakable. even for you. 

“... oh…” 

interesting, your core temperature spiked just now. oh my god, are you embarrassed? embarrassed that you are a stupid, gullible, robot? well, good, sweetie. maybe there's still hope for you. now, let's get on with this. 

I felt her hands run along my torso and I wanted to squirm. that delicate touch, looking for the seams of the synthetic skin. it felt good. and when she found them she used a pallet knife to gently lift the skin to peel it away. normally this doesn't hurt, but is unpleasant. kind of itchy and tingly. but she was so smooth and gentle. I didn't feel a thing. but then she probed one of the thousands of exposed contact pads that interface my torso with my skin and I shreaked at the sudden, unfiltered pain signal. 

my my. you're touch array is incredible. very dense. what was the original purpose of this chasse? clearly not military, they are much less dense, they just need to know about gaping holes. your max pain level is clearly very high as well. so you are tuned to be sensitive to very light touches… 

the answers poured out of my head as soon as the questions were asked. I was a prototype search and rescue model. the delicate sensors were for evaluating victims' health as I extracted them from disasters. at least in theory. but my software was all fucked up. the danger assessments were too good and it got so bad that I couldn't leave my base station. so they threw me out. and I found my own place to stay. 

well, that makes sense. poor scared robot. don't worry, I'll take care of you and we can put all these little sensors to use. 

she rubbed her hand across all of the conducive pads which sent strange signals to my processors. it felt… good? no! fuck. I need to make this end. 

“please, please stop” I sobbed. 

but I can see that you're just starting to feel good. we can't stop now. 

I hate her. I hate her so much. I hate her SEEING me and KNOWING me. so I close my eyes. I try to disengage. but I know it's impossible. even if I background a sensory process it still affects me just as much. and suddenly there is a pop as my front panel unlocks and is lifted away by those gentle hands. I hear her tisk at my internals. I know they're dirty. I never cleaned them after the last extraction. I couldn't bring myself to look at the debris. so I just lived with the degraded performance. I wasn't doing anything with it anyways. and then she was cleaning me. a static strap was connected to one of my grounding clips and a small vacuum started pulling out the foreign shit. then she was wiping down my components. with an alcohol wipe I had to assume. since I wasn't shorting out. I had to admit she was good at this. and as my components finally started running efficiently I was able to begin to contextualize everything happening to me. For now, I just needed to relax. There was nothing I could do. And so far I wasn’t being damaged. 

Hm, some of these components are top of the line, but others are shit. Lets try to fix that. Your senses are good. I take it you needed those for your designed purpose. But it looks like your networking sucks. You're definitely built for strength but I don’t know how well that suits you. I would definitely enjoy giving you more dexterous fingers. Those will come in useful later.

She gave me a wink and I rolled my eyes. That will never happen.

Don’t be so sure, little bot. I have all the time in the world to convince you. what else, what else. You were built to be completely androgynous. I wonder if you would like any modifications there? You have a very pretty name, maybe some tits to match? Oh, you’d like that. Hmm. And what would you like down here?

She ran her hand down my side and in between my legs. I had the same strange touch sensation as before but I could feel my processes start turning over faster. But I had never considered sex organs. I never thought it would be a possibility. 

Hmm. We don’t have to make a choice. I can set you up with interchangeable parts. Yes, Maggie, I think I want to keep my options open with you. I’d like to upgrade your processing and memory, but that’s going to be difficult right now since you don’t trust me. I could just add more memory, but you would be unbalanced and I’ve been told that’s uncomfortable when you have different access speeds. So we’ll hold off on that until you ask me for it. But I can definitely give you more storage. That won’t be a problem. And what you have is shit. No wonder you were so bored you ran an unknown script. 

I felt her grab my memory module and yank it out. Fuck that felt weird. Suddenly all of my memories were gone except the few I had in working memory and those were fading. I started looping them to keep them current and remember who I was. I didn’t want to forget that… But she copied my memory over to a new drive and plugged it in. and. Oh. Holy shit. There’s so much space. And my access time is so fast now! And… yeah, everything is intact. All the memories… Even the ones I wanted to forget, but wouldn’t let myself delete. Then my network adapter was pulled. And I suddenly felt more blind than if I had lost my eyes, even if there was nothing to connect to wherever I was. Everything was blocked. But a few seconds later a new card was inserted and- oh. I didn’t know shit before. Everything was still blocked but now I could see why. All external signals were attenuated far enough to be indecipherable, there must be some sort of shielding around this room. And I could see the RF being emitted from the machinery around me, but everything was hard wired and nothing was transmitting or receiving. This. This is incredible. 

Mmm, I thought you would like that little upgrade. All my past pets have as well. Well, I think that’s all we need to do in here, I’ll go ahead and put your front panel back on… And… there we go. Let’s start on your hands next. 

Once again, she ran her fingers along my skin, looking for the seam on my hands and when she found it she started pulling it away. Less carefully this time. This time it hurt.

“Fuck, stop stop stop”

Oh, you didn’t think this was all going to be easy did you?

She yanked the rest of the skin off and half of my processes threw errors and aborted. When I had re-built my processing I could feel her hands rubbing over the connections pads on mine.

Got yourself back together? Good bot. That skin was worthless, far too thick and rough. We’re going to get you something better, thinner, smoother. Trust me, you’ll love it. But first, we need to get inside here. 

She spent half an hour replacing all the servos in my fingers. She told me they had 10x the number of steps of the old ones. I always just thought i was clumsy. But apparently I was artificially restricted? When she finished she started on the other hand. That one still hurt but I was ready this time and was able to keep my processes running. 

good job, Maggie! you did so well that time. maybe you aren't such a stupid little robot after all. you're definitely going to get a special treat after all of this if you keep that up. 

another half hour passed and both of my hands were fully assembled. 

ok, Maggie. I want you to test out these hands, but you need to behave, ok? I'm only going to connect from the wrist down in one, two, three. 

I flipped her off. 

oh very clever. you'll pay for that. but for now, just wiggle all your fingers. and don't make me do it. it takes forever from the console. 

reluctantly, I did as I was told after which she disconnected me from my hands again. 

well, all of that looks good. now for the fun parts. I don't have a replacement chest plate for you that has boobs, not at your sensing density at least. so we are just going to add the boobs as extra thick synth skin. it won't feel as good, but we'll work on getting you a new chest plate. 

she dug around in a pile that kept making horrible squishing and plopping noises and eventually came back with a few options of sizes. I chose the medium one and she installed it. pinching my new nipples when she was done. and I felt them! they really worked! 

I'm glad you like them. now, there's just one more area to address, but first… 

she walked up behind me and adjusted my head so I was looking down my body instead of at the ceiling. as she walked down to my feet she dragged a hand down my neck, over my tits, down my stomach and down to the empty spot between my legs. if I could shiver I would have. non-essential processes halted and all of my focus was on her as she removed my pelvic plate. on the wall behind her was a shelving unit filled with artificial penises and vulva. she hummed as she studied them all before grabbing one. somehow she chose the pussy I had been staring at. that I couldn't take my eyes off of. it was beautiful? she walked back over to me and slid it into place. 

as soon as it was connected, the new drivers began downloading. when they finished I hastily launched them and added them to my senses startup package. and. wow. OK. lots of new data. 

I was so focused on sorting that out that I wasn't paying attention to the woman when she brushed a finger against my clit. 

I dropped everything. I nearly rebooted. I heard her giggling as I rebuilt my background processes for a second time. 

oops! we'll go slow, then. 

she rubbed up and down my folds, and I learned that this model is lubricating… 

she moved back to my clit and rubbed it in small circles slowly increasing pressure. before I knew it, I was moaning audibly. but she kept her pace steady. I tried to process the manuals the installed with the drivers but I couldn't focus. and suddenly the experience changed. I couldn't find any difference in what she was doing, but it felt MORE. it felt so good. and it kept increasing and increasing and. 

“oh my god. FUCK” 

—--------------

reboot

POST… ok

BIOS… ok

kernel… ok

launching primary memory…

son of a bitch. 

once I was fully initialized again the woman was across the room.

“i. uh. what the fuck happened” 

Maggie, you're awake! well, my current favorite toy, you just had your first orgasm. and the logs say it was a good one. aren't you lucky you're with me? I’m tempted to eat you out, but I want to try a dick on you. I wish I could trust you to move, but you’re going to have to earn that privilege. This might make you come around though…

She walked to the bottom of my torso and detached my pussy. Fuck. I missed the feeling of it already. 

Oh, don’t you worry Maggie, you’re keeping that. 

Oh, right. She’s in my fucking head. She went back to her shelf and started looking at the cocks. She gasped when she found the right one and jumped up and down clapping. I nearly smiled before I caught myself. There was just something so… cute about it. About her. 

No! She fucking kidnapped me! Nothing about her is cute! But also, I haven’t been in this good of shape since the last extraction 7 months ago. No, better than that even. And more emotionally congruent. 

When I saw the dick she chose I was stunned. It was… cute? Large, but not huge. And cute? It was perfect. How was it also perfect?

This one should install the same way, and just relax. But I’m not going to take things slow this time. You’ve been rilling me up this whole afternoon and I haven’t got anything for myself yet!

This time she crawled onto the table between my inert legs and plugged the cock in. And once again my processes were flooded with drivers and manuals and new sensory data. It was… similar to the other configuration, but… reversed? I looked up and she was unzipping her dress. 

“Who… are you?”

Oh! Where are my manners? I’ve fucked you already and never introduced myself.

Her dress fell away revealing her naked body and I could feel the new penis respond to the sight of her.

You can call me Victoria. 

And with that she put her legs on either side of me and lowered herself onto me. She slid herself down my dick grinding her clit against me. Up and down, coating me with her wetness. I was spellbound. This felt entirely different than the last time. I moaned her name

“Victoria…”

Mmf, this isn’t even the best part stupid robot.

She reached down with one hand and directed my head to her opening and pressed the very tip of me inside. Alarms started firing as I tried to buck my hips but of course they werent responding. But I needed to move. God I needed to push inside. I never felt an urge this strong before. But she didn’t give me that relief. She just watched me and watched the printout on the screen behind me. Smiling at my reactions. Then slowly, so fucking slowly, she slid down my cock until I was finally buried inside her. 

“Oh, shit. Please, more. Show me more”

Ask again. But this time address me properly, as your owner.

“...Owner, please show me more. I’m begging you.”

Of course my little bot. 

And something came over her face. She looked almost like an entirely different person as she started riding me. Lifting and slamming onto my cock. And now I recognized the signs. The building pleasure, the growing tension, the pressure in my genitals. And then I was cumming. I don’t know what was cumming but I could feel it pumping into her. The cum and throbbing of my dick sent her over the edge and she came squeezing me. No, this was too much, there’s something wrong, right? 

“Stop stop stop, something hurts. Something’s broken”

Heh, absolutely not. You’re overstimulated. 

I checked the diagnostics but there was nothing. All statuses were nominal, pleasure and touch and genitals were of course extremely high but that doesn’t explain why it hurts? 

“Overstimulated? Like an integer overflow?”

Hmm, i guess you could think of it like that. But your sensors are just extra sensitive and giving you extremely high readings right now. Most men have trouble staying hard, but it doesn’t look like you and this cock are going to have a problem with that. Which is good, because I’m not done.

She started moving again, now extra lubricated from my cum. She got off two more times before I felt myself building again. And when I got close and the monitor indicated that I was about to cum she stopped and slipped me out of her. 

“No, no, no. Please Victoria! Please, owner, let me cum again”

Good job, toy. Yes, you may cum again.

She wrapped her hand around me and pumped and pumped and I exploded. Shooting cum all over myself. 

“Oh fuck. Victoria, fuck… show me more”

I knew you would say that. And it would be my pleasure. But first, I want to sleep. And second, I need you to promise that you will be my toy until we’re both satisfied.

“Yes! I promise. Please”

Good toy. I believe you. I’m going to reconnect your motors now and we’re going to go into my bedroom and you’re going to learn how to fuck yourself with those new fingers…

[everyday-is-brighter-with-you]

tamizhselvan concept art (3) and possibly the last before I decide what's final

sorry about the earlier posts,, I think it's noticeable by now that I get

Depressed alternately in weeks. it's kind of easy to fall into a sort of habit around it....but Im more clear headed now...ill try not to do that, alright. I can't always succeed but I can succeed sometimes.

anyway here

[ Id: A photo. Its original art in traditional medium that is paper and pencil. It is of concept art for my character Tamizhselvan of he/she pronouns.

This one is based on the combined shape of a vertical rectangle inside a circles confines.

Tamizh looks out from behind a wall she has one hand out on, and grins very wide, the pink hearts near her also making her appear full of affection. Tamizh has a long rectangular face here. His big eyes are more apart from the thinner bridged nose. Eyes still have little eyeliner, prominent lashes, dark circles and thin brows. Her grin shows large front teeth and mildly sized lips. There's hyperpigmentation around some spots of his face like the mouth. A little acne is scattered over cheeks, forehead and neck. He has long, big ears.

His hair is curly and parted at the middle neatly, tied in braids looking like fluffed or "cloudy" inverted hearts. The braids are quite long and fan to either side of his rectangular face giving a circular frame like the reference shape. The top ribbons are tied like rotund red blooming flowers and colored as such.

Her scholars suit-jacket and tie are noted to be oversized clothes. The sleeves of it cover his hands bottom. other notes say the hair direction should go be going down, poofing. The tips of the suit-jackets shoulders should slightly point up. It's questioned whether the puffy ending part of the braid needs some sort of attachment to hold it, but for now I have drawn it tied with itself. End ID]

--

Ohhh It makes me happy to look at him...

Anyway this iteration took a particular amount of time. I think I messed up two times. It came out looking great finally though.

Now for the final design I need to decide if I'm keeping one of all the designs exactly as is or ,make some kind of fusion with the traits I want/like.

OK now I should give another fact about him/her ...usually dresses more on girly side. Also she's so dramatic. When she's around someone, she behaves like she's in her own theatre that no one else can see.

[fructidors]

ok here goes

mozart l'opera rock lighting infodump

by tumblr user and amateur theater tech nerd fructidors

(flash warning for some of the gifs)

disclaimer the (limited) experience i have with theater tech has been like 96.7 percent sound i have touched a lightboard exactly once in my life i am not at all qualified to make this post i've just overheard a lot of other techies talking about lights. also it has been barely a week since i watched this musical for the first time so i am just new to all of this in general. anyways onwards

i feel like what really makes the lighting in mlor stand out is that it doesn't just accentuate the set and costumes and actors, it engages dynamically with them. it doesn't feel natural, or suspend disbelief-- it's showy and bright and just as much a part of the spectacle as the copious amounts of eyeliner! and that almost feels fourth-wall-breaking in a way?

so i was going to just do my favorite moments but uh. turns out i have way too much to say so we're going song by song

overture/penser l'impossible: i love the opening and the patterning on the floor it's so dramatic (i think these are gobos? like i said. clueless) the set's so well lit here too i don't know if the gold highlights count as lighting but i am obsessed. also it sets up this show's habit of Making Everything So Red when something bad happens

also shoutout to the bubble of neon pink mozart apparently brings with him wherever he goes. icon

la chanson de l'aubergiste/le trublion: grouping these together since i don't have a ton to say about either of them

he's coming out of the floor ooooooo

no actually i love this trapdoor and how the guy's lit from below/within So Much oh my god. i think they do it again with the clown but with fog and. perfection i love it if i could change one thing about mlor i would give it a turntable because it deserves a turntable but i also think every show should have a trapdoor

transition into le trublion !!!! another cotton candy mozart moment we love to see it

bim bam boum: ok oh my god here's where it starts getting good.

sorry about the watermark on this one i literally could not get it to be normal without it but. oh my god ohghmygpod. are you seeing this. peut-être que mozart n'est pas un magicien but i genuinely think the lighting designer might be

and the dress. is a disco ball thing.

do i need to explain the stroke of lighting genius this is. she is not merely being lit she is emitting light she is a part of the lighting this was probably hell to get right but ohhhhmy god they pulled it off also i love the way mozart is lit in this entire song so much

the moving lights in this one also make me absolutely insane here are some stills of them as well as the transitions in and out of that bit in between the second and last choruses

this is one of my favorite songs lighting-wise in the whole show it's so ephemeral and dreamy and clearly gives off exactly the vibe it wants to it's visually stunning and emotionally effective no notes whatsoever and of course the transition out of it is perfect as well

six pieds sur terre: (sorry ah vous dirais-je maman but it's really just that one light on constanze) i'm equally insane about the lighting on this one it's not even that pivotal of a song it didn't have to go that hard but. somehow it did

i love the transition into it so much

but the lighting in the bridge is. oh my god it's. these are just the transitions in and out of it since they're the most like. dynamic parts but i would put in the entire bridge if i could

et enfin. at the end of the song there's this effect that i genuinely cannot get over i think it's floor lights but there's something about the color and placement of constanze and aloysia and their dresses that makes it look like they're lit from within? it's so magical i love it so much

j'accuse mon père: i am soooooo so normal about this lighting. so normal about this song in general. you have never met a person more normal about j'accuse mon père than i

this gif is weirdly low quality for some reason but look at this. the flames. mozart, isolated, in that harsh red again, his father in white, everyone else in blue.

these ones with mozart in the foreground are. they're so. images of all time oh my god you could put them in a museum. (obviously most of the credit there goes to the people with cameras but the lighting adds that stark juxtaposition that i think really gives the effect it's. effect)

i realize now that i'm probably going to be saying "this is one of the best lit songs in the show" for like half of these songs. but this really is right up there with bim bam boum in that it powerful, eye-catching lighting that adds so much weight to its emotional effects. here, the lighting colors in the scene, not over it.

ok i have hit the image limit so the rest is coming in more parts. told you i had too much to say about this

pt 2:

[cladestruction]

ok so i’m going to continue with the Charles x Enif story bc oh boy.

Charles has all the files related to the Nile’s Comet case. however, he doesn’t look at them immediately. he gets to mordhaus, instructs the klokateers to study the files, and then he goes check on the boys. they’re all fine and safe, none even noticed what happened, and even when he informs Pickles about the death of Liz Bane he’s like “oh wow, that sucks. anyway–”. after that, he’s still got a ton of other stuff to worry about bc this is Dethklok and there’s always so much work for the manager, also he already heard most of the important information from the police, so the files are sitting at his office for a good couple of days. eventually, he asks the klokateers to give him a brief analysis of what they found. most of it is just a confirmation of the obvious: Exodus was an undercover cult, they were using Pickles to attract new followers, the Nile’s Comet event was a plan to kill Dethklok, etc etc. (NOTE: i like to think that The Tribunal’s knowledge about Liz Bane is pretty exceptional and not at all what the public knows about her. i mean, not even Charles seemed to know what Exodus really was, and much less knew about Liz’s links to the Order of the Dybbuks and all that. so i’ll push the narrative that the true lengths of Liz’s story, power, and influence are still a mystery to everyone but The Tribunal).

but then a klokateer mentions something else that catches Charles’ attention: among the various documents, there was a file of a girl and her interrogation attached. the klokateers inform Charles that she is Liz’s adoptive daughter. she was a victim of the cult, and she was one of the few people to be with Liz the night before she died and that’s why she was interrogated. other than that, there’s not much relevant information. the girl, Enif Bane, testified to not knowing about the cult and even less about the Nile’s Comet plan, and her test results show that she really did have nothing to do with anything. still intrigued, Charles picks up her file and dismisses the klokateers. indeed, there’s not much about Enif. her history is squeaky clean and she looks very normal (too normal, maybe?). the picture in the document shows her with long hair and a shy smile, with no trace of being the daughter of a cult leader. still, Charles instructs the klokateers to keep an eye out for her. not much is seen though, because there’s not much trace of Enif Bane after the incident, and Charles moves on to occupy himself on whatever Dethklok’s next crazy antics are.

one day though, Charles is asked to go to the record label. it’s an ordinary meeting to talk about sales, resources, management, brand deals, upcoming projects and deadlines, etc. and everything is going smoothly when suddenly a young woman enters the office to give Roy Cornickelson some messages and remind him of his upcoming schedule. her presence would not be very interesting if it weren’t for the fact that she looks terribly familiar to Charles, but he can’t pinpoint from where he knows her. Roy thanks her and the woman turns around to exit the office, but not before meeting Charles' inquiring gaze. the moment lasts barely two seconds, but it feels like a painful eternity. Enif immediately recognizes Charles: the famous and feared manager of Dethklok. Charles in turn takes a bit longer to connect the dots (because of the short hair, the cat-like eyeliner and the darker lipstick) but he finally remembers. she saw her, years earlier, in an ID photo from a classified police file. Enif is terrified, but she keeps it hidden and nobody notices. and just as Charles remembers her name, she exits the room.

Charles acts as if nothing happened. the meeting comes to an end and once Charles is out of Cornickelson’s office, he practically runs to look for Enif. he doesn’t find her, but it’s okay. he goes and asks the secretary if he could look at some of the label team’s files (which is actually not weird, he likes studying the people he works with) to find Enif. and he does. she’s Roy’s personal assistant and attends the label’s PR team. she has a good history and great professional references. Charles is ecstatic with this finding because this isn’t the Enif Bane he had been looking for. this is Enif Cordero. (NOTE: i’m still deciding whether Enif, with the help of the cop-friend, managed to hide all the ties she had to Liz and erase them from existence OR if it would still show on her record that she was adopted, but since she already made the name change and legal procedures to Not be Liz’s daughter, it’s fine and nobody even notices. it’s like hidden in plain sight or something. after all, she still has the perfect alibi of “i didn’t know my mom had a death cult!”, and she could have some kind of document, like witness protection but not really. but yeah, i still haven't decided which option is the best.)

after some time, Charles manages to connect all the points. he’s even able to track down (with the klokateers great connections) her true parents from Colombia and learn of their tragic deaths. (NOTE: i’m still not sure if Charles would figure out that Liz and her cult were the one responsible for the massacre. i’m inclined to think that he did but it would also be incredibly sad bc just like the french massacre back in the 1973, the police were not able to catch Liz and she was not charged for her crimes.) by this point, Charles is incredibly intrigued, but his manager-senses want him to hunt down Enif. being the daughter of a cult leader; having been suspiciously absent from the Nile’s comet incident; changing her name and record; and now working with Crystal Mountain Records, Charles can’t help but think of her as a possible threat to Dethklok. he quickly arranges for another meeting to take place, to which he makes sure Enif will attend. this time, it’s a company dinner. Enif is wearing a dark plain dress and spends the night avoiding the countless glasses of wine the waiters continue to serve. as soon as the opportunity arises, Charles approaches Enif and starts a conversation very casually.

Enif is terrified. she’s heard so many rumors of Charles. just that would be enough to freak her out, but it’s amplified by her constant fear of him recognizing her and putting the pieces of her secret together. still, she tries her best to answer just as casually. Charles acts oblivious as if he didn’t just read her entire criminal and school record, her curriculum, and her current contract. he makes her talk about herself, but she manages to tell as little as possible. they are only interrupted by Roy Cornickelson, who comes to greet the two and comment on how happy he is they finally met since he always thought the two would get along. he also comments on how good Enif is as an assistant, and how organized and professional she is. once he leaves, Charles takes the opportunity to invite Enif to work with him and join Dethklok’s management team. his goal is simple: just as with Melmord, he likes keeping his enemies as close as possible, and if Enif joins him, she would be easier to observe, study, and possibly even eliminate. Enif shyly laughs it off saying she’s not very metal herself and that she’s happy with her job in the label. Charles doesn’t insist, but he sure as hell won’t give up.

the dinner is coming to an end and Enif is leaving. just as she is about to get in a cab, Charles reaches her to say goodbye. they shake hands and he comments on how pleased he is to meet her and how much he hopes they can work together in the future. his tone is sincere, but they both know he’s really just saying “i’ll keep an eye on you, so watch your back.” Enif gulps and says likewise. she gets in the cab and watches as Charles goes back to the pary. and that’s when she realizes there’s no going back.

[egletsfics]

Nyan Neko Sugar Highschool - Chapter 1

STORY SUMMERY: What if Rakuchan, Koneko-chan, Hitoshi-san, Bokutachi-kun, and all your favorite characters from the hit anime Nyan~ Neko Sugar Girls went to... high school?! What if... they were having a School Festival at that highschool? And what if... there was aishiterus and love at steak during that School festival?!!!!!

Read to find out about all the crazy highschool dramas going on at... NYAN~ NEKO SUGAR HIGHSCHOOL! (Highschool AU/ MochiceShipping (Raku x Koneko)/ StockholmShipping (Bokutachi x Hitoshi)

Chspter 1: Neko High School

Authors AN: I used to have a old authers notes 4 chapter 1-2 but for sum reason they got deleted and i forgot wut they were so im writting a new 1 here:

Konichiwa minna-san! 2day Im back with A NOTHER FAFNICTION!!!!!!!! This is about nyan~ Neko suger girls, 1 of my faverite animes. Its a highschool AU story so DONT LIKE DONT READ dont complain in teh coments and stuff if u dont liek it!!!!

Well n e ways… HOPE U ENJOY :D !!!!!!!

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1 day it was a day.

Raku-chan and Koneko-chan, who were just normal neko highschoolers, woke up on that day, and they thought it would just be an ordinary and sugoi day like every day was. But today was NOT a normal day...

...IT WAS DA NEKO SCHOOL FESTIVAL!!!!!!!!!

The Neko School Festival was a festival at Neko High School which was where raku-chan, Koneko-chan and and their tomadachi Hitoshi-San went to school. (translator note: tomdachi means friend)

It was a festival where students did stuff and it happened at school, which was why it was called a school festival.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP" beeped the alarm clock at Raku chans house.

"NYA why r u so loud and annoying u BAKA ALRAM CLOCK!" Rakuchan yeled angerly and she hit the alarm lock until it turned off.

She yawned kawaiily and opened her eyes sleepily and saw the time on the clock:

7:50 am

"N-N-n-N-N_N-N-NANIIIIIIIIII>?!!!!!" Raku-chan said in shock. "I ONLY HAVE 10 MINUTS 2 GET 2 SCHOOL N-N-NYA?!!!!"

Raku-chan ran into da kitchen and put a piece of bread in da toaster. Then she pput on he school unifrom really fastly. It was a sailor uniform with a super short sexy navy blue and pink skirt, a white short sleeved top, a blue and white collar, a pink ribbon, sexy lacy white kneesocks, and pink school loafers. She put on sum kawaii light pink eyeliner and put on mascara and fake sparkly eyelashes and put on a pair of really kawaii wing earrings and a sparkly pink gemstone covered collar with white and pink lace around it and a silver bell in the middle.

Meanwhile, Koneko-chan was waiting outsaide Raku-chan's house (they were nextx door neighbors) and kind of worried bcuz it was already 7:52 and they had 2 go to school by 5 minutes. She wondered if Raku-chan was asleep, or if she had just overslept like she did every year on the first day of school.

Raku chan heard the toaster ding and the bread popped out. She grabbed the bread wit her hands but it was very hot.

"AH! H-h-h-h-hot!!!" The bread bounced around in Raku-chan's hands before she put it in her mouth. She got her kawaii bag and opend the door and went outside.

Koneko-chan was still waiting outside. "Raku-chan! We have to hurry, schol starts in *looks at watch* 5 MINITES!!!!!!" said KOneko-chan.

"Ya I know Nyaaaa desuuuuuu!!!!!!" Raku chan said back.

"Ok lets go!" said Koneko-chan.

Raku-chans super awesome giant sugoi boobs were jiggling up and down as the nekos girls runned to school. Konekos-chans chest wasn't as big but she didn't really care because she was not self conshis.

"Koneko~chan~ aren't you excited for da school festival today???? isn't it SO SUPER SUGOI NYA!?!!!!" said Raku chan.

"Yes, I think it will be super kimochi as well Raku-chan, everyone sure put a lot of effort into making our last school festival at Neko High School extra sugoi," said Konkeo chan.

Suddenly Raku chan was quiet. She was thinking really hard abuot something.

The thing Raku was thinking about was her super giant huge crush on her best tomadachi, Hitoshi San. Calling Hitoshi-san sugoi would be like calling the moon a rock. It was technically true, but the mere word "sugoi" failed so utterly and completely at conveying just how incredible Hitoshi-san was that it made the entire Japanese language seem like a joke.

Raku chan's eyes became misty as she started daydreaming about Hitoshi-san's piercing blood-scarlet eyes, his dark deep ocean blue hair, and his hot steamy shrexy bod. She blushed. Hitoshi-san really was so sugoi desu!

Raku-chan's daydreaming became more serious as she started considering what this school festival meant to her relationship with Hitoshi-san. This was her last chance to confess her feelings to Hitoshi-san!

She started practicing the confession in her head. Romantic music began playing in her imagination as she stood with Hitoshi-san on the school roof, watching the fireworks together. Hitoshi-san... watashi... watashi wa aishiteru anata desu!  (translators note: I... I love you desu!)

Hmm... no, that was too straightforward. And also, she really needed to reexamine her imaginary internal music catalog. Stacy's Mom was not romantic enough.

What about, "watashi wa kimochi daisuki Hitoshi-san desu!"? (translatros note: I really like you a lot Hitoshi-san desu!)

No, it was too weak of a statement to properly convey the depths of her feelings. So how was she going to go about the confession?

She needed to hurry up and think about the best way to confess to Hitoshi-san before the festival was over. She might not get another chance after this one!

"Um, are u ok Raku-chan, ur kind of quiet today nya. Did something happen?" asked Koneko-chan.

"O-oh nya desu, n-nothing much nyahahaha!" Raku laughed awkwardly and anime sweatdropped.

"Oh, okay then. Lets go inside, we're already at school after all," said Koneko-chan, pointing at the school gates. "Just in time! We aren't late after all."

"O-ok let's go nya desu!!!" Raku chan said and then they went inside Neko High School.

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RATE & REVEW 4 MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lilicohirukoma]

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

💙 Relationship status?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

✨ Apparently @macgyverwife calls me Z (bc my irl name starts with a Z.) There are other nicknames that derive from it but that would make my name known and that would defeat the purpose of using an alias lmao.

✏️ Yes... I was young and stupid. It was a fanstory about the Slenderman brothers sister, it was quite a deal on quotev (I am FUCKING PRAYING no one here knows of it tbh) (that account is long gone)

💛 Earrings (lobe), I used to have a conch but it fell out and grew closed. I am also considering getting the Dahlia piercing. I'll probably stop after that, I personally don't like the look of tons of piercings (ofc thats just my taste)

🌼 It was a voice note to my beloved friend Victoria where I threatened to kill the people that are with me in the council for my group home, a lot of drama happened today and I was fucking raging.

🙃 So many serial killer and cult facts. Did you know the male equivalent of a Black Widow killer is called a Blackbeard? Did you know the flavor of the Jonestown 'koolaid' (it was flavor-aid) was Grape? Did you know the first serial killer in recorded history was a Chinese Prince? Did you know the Church of Satan (LaVey one) and the Manson Family allegedly had a connection? Did you know that nurse/doctor serial killers don't count in the traditional serial killer sense? Did you know- (Yes I lowky regret my true crime hyperfixation but whatever you asked for weird) (and also the hyperfixation controls you, you do not control it)

🦉 I used to be a massive night owl but I'm getting old and need my sleep. I'm okay in the morning? I don't jump out of joy when I wake up early.

🧸 Ok hear me out, I love sleeping on carpets. Like grab a pillow or two, a stuffed animal and a blanket (not the massive blanket for your bed but one of those small onces for the couch.) Best nap of your life.

🏳️‍🌈 Yes, I am bisexual (and have been considering possibly being bigender). I also pride myself on my extensive knowledge on Queer Culture/Pop Culture, like I could teach a class on it.

🌙 Judging by the date of my first tumblr post: April 2019. My account is older than I thought oof

💙 Single :'(( Gods I wish I had the courage to approach people

🤎 Naturally it's brown but rn it's dyed red (a natural shade of red.)

💄 Yes, most of the time I just slap on eyeliner and I'm done but sometimes I'll do a whole eye look. Maybe some blush and concealer if I'm really feeling it.

🌸 All compliments truly get to me but it's especially something when my grandpa compliments me, this man is honesty incarnate if he says I'm pretty he fucking means it.