#or platonic in this instance idk

[sortingwaves]

thoughts!! thinking that after some time passes with Pomni in the circus, she tries to teach Caine how to be more human in a way, or at the very least how to be more sensitive cause while no one can’t get physically hurt, the human mind can still break very easily

I feel like it would also encourage Caine not only to get everyone else’s meaning on what it means to be human but also expand on it himself

[freaky-flawless]

"When they stepped out of the carriage, [Draculaura] kissed her ghoulfriends on their cheeks and told them she'd find them after the wedding. 'Good luck,' Clawdeen called after her, a mischievous smile playing at her lips. 'Say hi for us!,' Frankie giggled, waving"

-Monster High Diaries: Draculaura and the New Stepmomster

"'Check out the fierce skirt Draculaura got for you Frankie!' Clawdeen exclaimed as she leaped nimbly up off Draculaura's floor and rushed over to greet Frankie with a kiss on the cheek. The bold and beautiful werewolf held up a black and white striped skirt with purple ..."

-Monster High Diaries: Frankie and the New Ghoul at School

[fo-enjoyer]

Coral please restrain me from F/oing Kinger. I thought of a really funny tag for him but I don't want him to immediately skyrocket to F/o status but I also don't want to let the tag go to waste

You got it buddy!

*puts you in a cage but leave the door open and puts a little Kinger plush right in front of it*

Bye loser decide your own fate.

[cryptidghostgirl]

CHUBBY! READER X ALASTOR

I'm soooo sorry that I'm requesting something else this just came to me and I needed your storytelling expertise to bring it to life 😢

ALSO ALSO ALSO this one has a trigger warning so please read with the thought that YOURE PERFECT!!!😤(if you write it)

OTAY OTAY soooooooooooo reader has been apart of the hotel for awhile and has developed a crush on Alastor from afar and the small instances they do cross paths but hesitates to approach him on her own because well we're shy and HES THE RADIO DEMON anyway reader doesn't have to worry about distance between them because Alastor is AVOIDING HER ALL ON HIS OWN 😯 AND somehow reader gathers the courage to approach Alastor but sees his relationship with Rosie (they're besties, platonic soulmates definitely) and thinks 'wow, she's so beautiful and...thin' and proceeds to lock herself away from everyone (SOLITUDE) and skips meals (starving herself), Alastor is the first to notice shes missin and pulling away but doesn't know how to approach her without stumbling over his words (i like to think that hes a heartbreaker to other women like his fans but with someone that he likes with real feelings hes fumbling in the dark because he could get rejected instead, i will die on the hill) so so so he hesitates to ask reader whats wrong till he hears her throwing up or she says something awful about herself and Alastor gets angry on her behalf and reader goes silent, only for Alastor to take a breath and tell her that 'shes hurting herself, for a shallow reason such as looks', and reader goes 'i thought you liked to watch others downfalls' and then hes like 'not your downfall, never you' 😔 reader starts to cry and shouts "im not Rosie', confused Alastor finally starts putting the pieces together and grabs reader hands and sincerely says "good, i wouldn't rosie anyhow, or anyone else for that matter', reader continuing to cry tells him to stop lying that this joke isn't funny and Alastor kissies her hand as says "whos joking? I only want you, your perfect" then then then slowly Alastor starts to help reader look at themselves in a more positive light [[fit this in somewhere???????Alastor tells reader why hes so close to rosie (he's clueless about reciprocated love so he goes to Rosie because canon that she knows matters of the heart...right?)]]

A/N as always i am obsessed with your request. Also I 100% agree with the assessment of Alastor's ability to talk to people he actually likes. I am literally so obsessed with this request. Also I am assuming from your previous comments you wanted the same bunny demon character?? Please forgive me if I am wrong but I did it for her (because I love her dearly and she is based of meeeee and I'm egotisticalllllll). Kisses bestie <3 <3

Downfall (Alastor x Chubby!Bunny Demon!Reader)

Paring: Alastor x Reader

Word Count: 4,076 (I got a little carried away)

Warnings: BODY IMAGE ISSUES!!! EDS!!!! I think that's it but they're in all caps for a reason so if you have ED issues maybe don't read this one??? It is hurt//comfort tho so maybe do???? Idk. If you get triggered by ed descriptions, don't. If having a fictional character tell you you're perfect the way you are and beg you to stop destroying yourself because they can't bear to watch would help you, do.

Master Lists:

Master Lists 

Hazbin Hotel Master List 

Alastor Master List

Click here and leave a comment if you want to be added to any taglists or send me an ask about it.

It had taken months. Months of wondering what he was like, of stolen glances, of furtive daydreams. Months of building up courage, of backing down, months of hoping and dreaming. It had taken endless encouragement from Angel, countless pages in her diary. It had taken a million deep breaths, ten thousand trembles of her hands. Months, it had taken months.

It wasn't like Y/n had never spoken to the man before. That wasn't really the issue. She wasn't scared of him, just scared. The simple idea of being alone with him was an intoxicating mixture of terror and utter bliss. Y/n didn't know how to handle it, she didn't know how to handle him.

Alastor was untouchable, nearly semi-divine in her eyes. Sure, he was fucked up, but they all were. At the end of the day, his facade was as easy to see through as a cheap paper crown from a Christmas cracker. Beneath the wide smile, the sharp teeth, the stories, Alastor was just a man. He cared deeply for the world around him, for the people around him and those in his life. No matter how hard he tried to disguise it, it always shone through to Y/n.

It wasn't like she had never spoken to Alastor before, she had just never spoken to him alone before. Every interaction they had ever had was as a part of the larger group of Hotel residents and staff. On the rare occasion they ran into one another in the hallway or happened to each be in the kitchen at the same time, Y/n froze up. Words turned to stones in her stomach and all she could ever seem to manage was a gentle nod, a shaky smile. It frustrated her to no end.

Finally, she had worked up the courage to talk to him. It was all Angel's idea really, she would never have had the thought to do such a thing on her own but his pushing had been relentless and at last, Y/n had agreed.

And it had taken months, months! This was her third attempt to go up to him. They had even lowered the stakes, Angel saying all she had to do was have a single normal conversation with the man and he would let her off the hook, stop his pestering and teasing. It was just her luck, really just her god damn luck.

Sir Pentious had informed Y/n that Alastor had left the hotel to see a friend, Charlie had given her the address of the cafe he had said he would be at should they need him. Everyone was all smiles, all encouragement. Y/n reminded herself to yell at Angel later for spilling her secret although, she guessed she shouldn't have expected anything else from the hotel's biggest gossip.

Putting on her favorite outfit, her hair all done up and makeup perfect, Y/n had slicked her ears flat against her head in determination and stepped out onto the streets of Pentagram City. It didn't take long for her to find the place, a sweet little cafe on the outskirts of Cannibal Town with white wrought iron chairs and a cheerful pink and purple sign. It hadn't taken her long to spot the bright red of Alastor's suit through the window either, standing out against all the muted purples and dark blacks of the other cannibals enjoying their meals within.

"It's fine. It's totally not weird that you're going up to him in a cafe he's having lunch in with a friend, that you.... oh my god Y/n!! He's gonna think you were stalking him! You should just go back and- no! You promised. Y/n, you can do this."

She took a deep breath, centering herself in that little core, that rod of who she was, that shot down the center of her being. Raising a closed fist to her chest, she shut her eyes.

"You can do this, Bunny." she reaffirmed, "You can do this."

Opening her eyes, she crossed the street. Her hand was inches away from the door's handle, her heart racing but set on what she was about to do, when Y/n noticed exactly who Alastor's 'friend' was.

Across the table from him, sipping delicately on a cup of tea, was the most beautiful demon Y/n thought she had ever laid eyes on. She had long, dainty fingers, thin and spidery, and the most perfectly proportioned body. She was tall, long legs sheltered by her skirt and a tiny waist that threw her hips and chest into contrast. The woman's hair was neat, tucked up beneath a wide brimmed hat. Her clothes were classy, her smile was bright and charming, the black holes of her eyes were... were... were everything. She was everything, everything Y/n wasn't.

Suddenly, the weight of her own body against her bones became all too real. She felt the urge to never be touched again, the same strange sickness of her youth sinking its teeth into the softness of her stomach, her thighs, her arms, all of her. Her hand lowered from the handle, Alastor laughing at something the woman had said to him. He seemed relaxed, more at peace than Y/n had ever seen the man before. If that wasn't love, she didn't know what was.

It took a second for the other residents of the Hazbin Hotel to realize the change. Y/n was good at this, she'd had practice. For years, she had worked to move past it all but the threat of a relapse had always hung over her head. It was her sword of Damocles, her fated demise.

Y/n retreated in to herself, she couldn't get the image of that woman out of her head. Poised, statuesque, thin. God, Y/n had never wanted anything more than she wanted to be thin. She wanted to rip fistfuls of flesh from her body, she wanted to wither away so only something beautiful remained.

Alastor was the first to notice. He had a soft spot for the rabbit demon who always seemed to be full of that soft, discrete joy and unending kindness. She was a more toned down version of Charlie. She was genuine and completely herself, no holds bared. She had such a hope, she had such a goodness, it made him wonder why she hadn't ended up in Heaven instead.

The truth was, behind the bravado and the grin, Alastor was scared of Y/n. He was scared he would touch her and she would rot away or worse, that she would run. She was just so good, so intrinsically wondrous, and he was the opposite. She was a fresh rose and he was the person coming haplessly along with a pair of gardening shears. She was radiant, she was carved fresh from marble, he was down bad.

Women had never been a priority or a problem for Alastor. Living and dead, they flocked to him. He knew his reputation was to blame, not to mention his looks. They could be fun for a while. Alastor saw charming them as a game, a good way to pass the time. This was different, Y/n was different. Alastor didn't know what to do so, he did nothing. He avoided her like the plague and when he couldn't, he practically ignored her, barley spared her a word.

Alastor was untethered, completely in the dark and so, he did what everyone does when they feel like that: he went to talk to his best friend. When he had gotten back to the hotel after his rather illuminating little chat with Rosie, Charlie had asked him if he had seen Y/n. It felt like divine chance, a cruel joke of fate, that the demon Princess would bring up the very source of his problems so soon after having at last pushed past his pride to ask for help.

When he had revealed the truth to the gang, that no, he had not in fact seen Y/n, they seemed deflated. There had been some sighs, some shrugs, shared glances he didn't understand and then everything had gone back to normal except, it wasn't quite normal.

Where Y/n could normally be found causing trouble, making mischief with the people who had so quickly become her friends since she had started her stay at the hotel out in the open, there was now a distinct lack of her jovial presence. She began taking her plates to her room at meals, showing up to group activities less and less, claiming she was tired or had a stomach ache. Alastor noticed every time he did manage to catch a glimpse of the marvelous and strange creature who had captured his affections so, she seemed utterly exhausted. Y/n was always bundled up, even on the warmest of days.

He wanted to go talk to her, wanted to ask her if she was okay. Alastor was worried -- genuinely worried -- about her. The only thing that stopped him from knocking every time he passed her perpetually closed door, was that he knew himself too well. He knew that the minute he entered, he'd lose his courage, that the words would become mush in his mouth.

It was pure chance, right place wrong time, that he heard it. Alastor had been following his normal routine, heading up to his radio tower for a broadcast after a group activity. Today had been Operation Navigation! As Charlie had dubbed it. She and Vaggie had built an obstacle course and everyone had a partner who was blindfolded and had to be guided through. When they got to the other end, the pairs had switched. Miraculously, Y/n had shown up to this event.

Alastor had watched her carefully, noting her sluggish movements and the way it took her a second to fully register what anyone was saying in a given moment. It was out of the ordinary and his worry only grew. He knew he was going to have to do something about it eventually but just didn't know how. Maybe it would require another visit to Rosie.

As he walked past the lobby bathroom, Alastor was pulled from his thoughts. The door was slightly ajar, sending shards of light out into the darkened hallway.

"Why isn't it working!"

Came the hushed yell of defeat. It was Y/n's voice, he'd know it anywhere. Alastor stopped walking.

"Why do I have to be..."

There was a sniff, the sound of something hitting the wall. Alastor realized it had been Y/n at the sound of fabric against the wallpaper. He could see her in his minds eye as she slid down the wall, pulling her knees into her chest.

"Why can't I just be skinny."

Y/n's words were muffled, soft and shaky.

"Why can't I just be pretty. Why do I have to be... to be..." her words were briefly broken by a sob, "why can't I just be good. I can't even fucking starve myself right. I wish..."

Alastor's body reacted before his mind could catch up, he knocked gently on the door. There was a little yelp of surprise from within, a few sniffs and some rustling fabric.

"Yeah?"

Y/n's voice trembled as she tried to keep the tears at bay.

"May I come in?"

Alastor heard the sharp intake of breath. It was too late to back down now. The silence was thick between them, it felt eternal.

"Okay." Y/n agreed at last, her voice small, and Alastor stepped into the room.

It was exactly how he had imagined it. Y/n was huddled on the floor next to the door, her knees tucked up under her chin and her arms holding her shins tightly. Alastor noticed that the thick, woolen sweater she had been wearing earlier had been tossed to the side, laying haphazardly beside the sink. Y/n sniffed again, trying to smile.

"Everything okay?" she asked and Alastor fixed his eyes back on her.

Y/n's eyes were rimmed with red. Her ears lay limply around her face which was stained with tears. Her skin was covered in goosebumps, she shivered.

"No. It's not."

She seemed a bit taken aback by his answer, not having grasped the reality of the cracked door earlier.

"I don't... what's wrong?"

"You are starving yourself." Alastor replied in a matter-of-fact voice.

Y/n's eyes went wide.

"Fuck... I... fuck!" she buried her face in her knees, "You weren't supposed to hear that."

"Are you trying to die!?" Alastor asked,

He didn't mean to yell, he didn't mean to be this angry. Everything he said seemed to send shockwaves of regret through his body. No matter what he did, he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"Are you... I just... are you stupid?!"

Y/n looked up at him again, her eyes wet with fresh tears.

"I-"

"You what." Alastor scoffed, "You want to be pretty?"

"I..."

"You want to be pretty so you lock yourself away? You make your friends watch as you... as you what, as you get thin? As you destroy yourself?"

She was crying now, truly crying. Alastor looked away, a hand to his head. He took a deep breath, everything was going wrong. When he looked at her again, her cheeks were flushed from a mixture of shame and hurt.

"I just..." he took another deep breath, sinking to his knees before her, "Why would you hurt yourself so badly for something as.. as shallow as your looks?"

Y/n sniffled, frantically trying to wipe away her tears.

"What, I thought you liked to watch other people's downfalls." she tried to shoot back at him but her words came out stuttering and broken through the thickly falling tears.

Y/n refused to meet Alastor's gaze. Everything was going wrong. She was horribly embarrassed, she felt like a butterfly and Alastor was the terror who had opened her chrysalis too soon. He wasn't supposed to see her like this, he wasn't supposed to see her now. He was only supposed to get the after. It was all for him, after all, wasn't it?

Except, Y/n knew the truth of the matter. Alastor had been the trigger but, these behaviors were too well engrained. She might not have known it then, but she'd been looking for an excuse all along. It was all for her, every inch of agony.

His heart dropped at her words. Was that what Y/n truly thought of him? It would make sense, it was the face he presented to the world after all. He had just thought... he had hoped... Rosie had said....

Rosie. That was the answer. She had told him to be honest, to be vulnerable no matter how terrifying such a prospect could be. She had said it was the only way they ever had the slightest chance.

Alastor reached a hand out gently, turning Y/n to look at him. Her skin was soft to the touch, the beating of her blood thrumming against his fingertips. With the utmost care he could muster in his clawed and rotten hands, Alastor wiped her tears away. He couldn't meet Y/n's eyes but heard her sniffle, watched as the flow of sorrow slowed.

"Not your downfall." he said, his words like quiet feathers falling through the air, "Never your downfall."

At last he met her trembling gaze, fear coursing hotly through him, mingling with his blood. She took a few short, stuttering breaths before bursting into tears once again. Alastor flinched slightly as her head fell forward onto his shoulder.

"But I'm not that woman!"

"Woman... what woman?"

"The one you were with at the cafe!"

"The one... Rosie?"

Y/n nodded, sniffiling slightly as she tried to calm herself down.

"You saw me with Rosie? How?"

"I went... I'd been working up all this courage and... I just wanted to talk to you and Charlie and Pen said you'd be there and... and... and I'm not Rosie!"

Suddenly, everything clicked into place. He had been right all along, Rosie was the answer. With the air of someone who hadn't had much physical affection given to them in their life, or received any for that matter, Alastor slowly wrapped his hands around Y/n's shaking back.

"Good."

"What do you mean 'good'? She's so beautiful and she made you laugh and she's just... she's so beautiful and thin!"

"She is beautiful, and a lovely woman but, I don't want Rosie. Or anyone else for that matter."

Y/n's sobs redoubled, she began to struggle against his grip.

"Let me go! Stop lying, Alastor."

Alastor released Y/n from his grasp and she pushed herself back against the wall, utterly mortified and unable to stop. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking away.

"Stop joking, it's... it's not funny."

"Who is joking? I..." Alastor took a deep breath.

Rosie had been right, it was terrifying. He hope she was right on the second part too, that it would be worth it.

"Y/n, have you seen yourself?"

"Yes! Why the fuck do you think I want to be anything else?!"

Alastor got to his feet, holding a hand out to Y/n.

"Come with me."

"No." she mumbled, scooting further away from him if it was possible.

Under another circumstance, he would have chuckled lightly, he would have found her reaction adorable. This was neither the time nor the place and so, summoning his shadows, he transported them both into the darkness of his room.

Y/n looked around, pulling herself to her feet.

"Where... where are we?"

"My room." Alastor sat down on the edge of his bed, "Come here."

Hesitantly, Y/n took a few steps forwards. Once she was in reach, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his lap. The feeling sent sparks through his body, Alastor tried his best to ignore it. There were more important things than the pleasure of the moment. Y/n struggled against his grasp, the tips of her ears dragging slightly across his arms.

"Alastor! Let me go! I'm too heavy!"

"No, you're quite perfect actually."

"I don't want to be touched! I don't want you to... you're making me want to tear my skin off, please."

"No." his voice was firm.

"Please, just please let go of my waist at least."

To this, he relented, one of his arms falling loosely onto her lap as he held the other up, snapping his fingers. Shadow's flooded into the room, bringing with them a full length mirror. He felt Y/n tense in his grasp.

They came to a stop, setting the mirror on the ground before them. Y/n turned her head away, her eyes shut tight.

"Please stop, Alastor. This really isn't funny."

"Y/n."

"No."

"Y/n."

"No!"

Y/n, please."

She had never heard him say the word before. Slowly, she opened her eyes, craning her neck to look up at Alastor.

"I want you to see what I see when I look at you."

"You promise you wont be mean?" Y/n asked suspiciously after a moment.

"I pinky promise."

He had seen her do this before, with other residents of the hotel. A simple locking of pinky's was all it ever took to make a promise, to assuage her doubts, to show she cared. Y/n's eyes widened slightly. Slowly, she reached her hand out, locking her pinky with his. They shook their hands once, the way Alastor had seen her do it a thousand times before.

"Wait." Y/n said as he made to move his hand away, looking away bashfully, her cheeks a bright pink and her voice quiet, "Don't let go."

"Okay."

Taking a deep breath, she turned to the mirror. It was terrible, she felt bile rise in her throat.

"Y/n, you are so... every inch of you is perfect." Alastor took a deep breath, the way his voice trembled not escaping Y/n's notice, "You have... amazing legs. I know everyone's all obsessed with Angel's but, he has nothing on you walking around on those sticks. You're... you're all soft curves and lace. If you were made of anything, you would be satin. You are a nymph rising from the lakes, a wild maenad in the woods. Your eyes shine like true stars, not what we have here. Did you know rabbits were always my favorite animal?"

Y/n giggled slightly, her tearstained cheeks flushed pink.

"Well they were. They still are. Your ears are just to die for, dearest."

He felt her ears twitch slightly against his back at the comment and Y/n watched through the mirror as his smile softened at it's harsh edges.

"Your grace is what the Greeks wrote about. You... Y/n, the first time I set eyes on you, I felt like I was drowning." Alastor looked away, unable to meet her eyes even through the glass, "Like you were a siren and I was nothing more than a hapless sailor at your mercy."

"But you never talk to me."

"You never talk to me!"

Y/n laughed again, smiling a gummy smile.

"I don't have to talk to you to see who you are, Y/n." Alastor continued, his hand that was in her lap turning so his palm rested gently on her thigh, "You light up any room you're in. You are charming and clever and constantly on the look out for places you can instill your special breed of controlled chaos."

Trembling, he shifted his hand in Y/n's so he held hers, raising it to his mouth. The heat of his breath on her skin drove Y/n wild, her breath hitched.

"I am glad you're not Rosie, I don't want Rosie. I don't want anyone else except for you."

Alastor planted a soft kiss on the back of her hand and Y/n's smile only grew, her tears long forgotten now as she watched Alastor's reflection.

"You are perfect. Please, don't change yourself, don't hurt yourself, trying to be something else. I'd miss you."

Slowly, he let their still clasped hands fall into Y/n's lap.

"Do you see now?"

Y/n turned back to the mirror, her head tilted slightly to one side as she hummed in consideration.

"No." she admitted, "But I think I might be able to start."

"One step at a time." Alastor rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand in comforting circles, "I'll be with you the whole way, if you'll have me."

He held his breath, waiting for her reply. Y/n met his eyes through the mirror, her brow furrowed.

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Who is Rosie?"

Alastor could have laughed, he nearly did.

"She is a very old and dear friend. I was going to her for advice, that day."

"You? Needing advice?" Y/n paused before shaking her head, "Nah, I don't see it."

She laughed lightly at her own joke and Alastor smiled softly back at her.

"It was advice about you, actually."

Y/n turned herself in his lap, looking up at him with her legs on either side of his own.

"About me?"

"Y-yes."

He cursed himself internally. Alastor hadn't meant to stutter, she just looked too lovely sitting there and looking up at him with her pretty pink lips slightly parted, her cheeks flushed.

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

"I..." Alastor felt the heat rising in his own cheeks and looked away, "well, I didn't know how to approach you."

"Wait, you were avoiding me this whole time?" Y/n laughed and Alastor nodded, "I thought I was avoiding you!"

"Wait, you were avoiding me?"

His gaze snapped back to hers and she laughed again.

"Yes! I was terrified to speak to you! You're so cool and hot and just... I'm not good at things like this!"

"You think I'm hot?"

"Is that all you got out of what I said?"

"Maybe."

They both laughed this time. Alastor's chest felt lighter than it hand in years.

"So," he began once they had both calmed down, "is that a yes?"

"To what?"

"To letting me... be... with you."

Y/n smiled, reaching a hand up to his cheek.

"That's a 'will you be with me?' I think actually."

----

Tags:

@willowshadenox @i-love-jafar @elfyeet @reader3 @lazygirlfanfic0-0@kahlan170

A/N Y'all, there were one or two times I almost wrote my name while doing this one. I've been writing x reader fics for eight years, this never happens to me anymore. I think I related a little too hard. I am x reader fic writing too close to the sun.

[therantingsage]

Because I promised this, and I really wanted to do it anyway, here's a really really long-winded rambling dissertation on:

Why N and Uzi secretly dating since before episode 5 is genuinely super plausible and also stupidly hilarious /pos

Under the cut cuz it got obscenely long oops-

Idk where to start, so I'll just cover my bases: why people think they've been in a relationship already in the first place.

We all saw this scene:

And legit it can only be implying one of two things. Either A: this is his confession of feelings for her. Or B: this is him admitting that they've been dating for a while at this point. With the hearts it's pretty clear that this statement is meant to be romantically interpreted, and Nori's aghast reaction confirms that that's how it's being interpreted.

Obviously no matter the interpretation, N only writes that because he can't think of anything else to snap Uzi out of it and thereby stop this confrontation from ending poorly. And it works obviously so good on him for the quick thinking.

Two things that make me lean towards the 'we're dating' interpretation over 'confession' interpretation, though: firstly, he's not writing this to tell Uzi something, he specifically calls out to Nori before writing it. "Hey btw I'm dating your daughter" makes more sense than "Hey btw I like your daughter romantically" because if it was the latter, Nori has far less reason to be mad at Uzi about it rather than N. It's not like Uzi can control how N feels. But if they're dating, that means Uzi is partially to blame for that and Nori can get upset at HER.

Secondly, the awkward wording. Like it's really vague and without the hearts you'd have no reason to assume anything but platonic meaning. But these are words we, and him, have heard before:

...from Uzi, in response to a question about who she is and, by proxy, the nature of their relationship. She says it defensively, follows it up by telling N to shut up. N repeating her wording which, again, is a description of the nature of their relationship....but this time implying something romantic with it, it suggests the idea that it had romantic implications the first time.

I don't think it's far-fetched to say Uzi at least has feelings for N at this point in the story. I don't think anyone's arguing that that's not true. But the idea that 'hang out' means the exact same thing both times is what I'm arguing here. They're dating, but this version of N is a stranger to her. A cute stranger, as she says, but a stranger nonetheless who she isn't comfortable admitting to that she's dating him in the future to his face.

Backing up a bit, Uzi's reaction to Nori's reaction:

This is a clear and obvious parallel to the previous episode, when 'Tessa' says "Don't date my robot, please."

In both instances, someone gets on her case about the idea of them dating, and in both cases she doesn't deny it but instead defends both his and her own agency in the matter. No one is allowed to tell them what to do and Uzi refuses to let anyone try.

When Nori says it, though, she does seem to try and deny it for a moment. "I'm not-" She cuts herself off so we can't say for certain what she was going to say (if anything. it's entirely possible she started that sentence with no plan how to finish it, I do that a lot personally). But that's also because, like, she's Uzi. If this was meant to be a secret relationship, it would probably be her who made that decision. And like with butler N, she has no reason to disclose that kind of information to a stranger. She'd probably try and deny it whether its true or not.

As for when it would've started, after camp is the only big timeskip where we don't have much clue went on during. Cabin Fever is a big episode for them, and the three episodes that come after it are all back-to-back-to-back. The only time it makes sense to have started is sometime between eps 4 and 5.

And guys. Guys.

This, more than anything to me, paired with the idea that they've been dating for a while by the time the most recent couple episodes happen.....doesn't this seem so, so romantic? You could easily call this a love confession! So easily! It sounds like one much more than 'we just kinda are hanging out a lot idk' at least.

Like, rephrase that even a little: "Being with you makes scary things fun. Being with you makes me feel brave. It makes me feel safe. So I want to keep being with you."

And Uzi agrees with that sentiment. He promises to stick with her. And she laughs and smiles with him as he makes the scary thing she's been dealing with into something fun, something they can laugh about. The together line gets repeated in the most recent episode, directly calling back to this scene as well.

Like, just...AGH. In Cabin Fever he says it once as they're falling and a second time once they're grounded. The second time its a question, and one she eagerly answers with physical affection, which is super rare for her. In Mass Destruction its a statement, because he already knows her answer. Its a repeated promise. A vow.

Backing up again. Let's assess some interactions under this context. Assuming they're dating in secret. Because it paints so many things in a different light and basically nothing contradicts it which is fricken wild. This:

Isn't a sheepish Uzi trying to hold her crush's hand in a moment of fear. This is an Uzi who wants to keep their relationship a secret but is so in need of comfort right now she's willing to risk exposing them to get it.

This:

Her being so relieved because she almost watched him die but he's alive he's ok and she doesn't care who sees it because she needs to hug her boyfriend rIGHT NOW GUYS I DON'T CARE I'M HUGGING MY BOYFRIEND-

This whole scene. Uzi interacts with him so gently here. She's not gentle with anybody else at all. She sees him stressed and uses his own "you good?" on him and it's just so dang tender when you think about it. Because no one else can hear them talking to each other. It's just these two sending face texts and everyone else's focus is on the Sentinal so they can afford to be as couple-y in this conversation as they want.

And after:

Blushing because they like each other so so dang much.......sweating bullets because the other two can see them do this. Suddenly without either of them really thinking about it they're being romantic around other people and wow! That's nerve-wracking! Peak young love early-in-the-relationship behavior they ain't slick.

His tone of voice in this scene is gentler I think than we've ever heard from him before (Michael Kovach you are so damn good at your job). His loss-filled fury is cooled in an instant when he realizes how close he came to hurting his girlfriend. It's heartbreakingly gentle before 'Tessa' cuts him off.

And when she cuts Uzi off:

He looks like genuinely pissed at her. "Did you really just interrupt my gf while she was talking?? She's scared and you're disrespecting her tf is wrong with u??"

And like- the fact he was genuinely willing to off Tessa for her. Like he realizes there's a possibility she tried to get his gf killed for no reason and upon her not even trying to deny it he just kills her instantly. Because it's no longer a question of the universe or Uzi. It's a question of Tessa or Uzi, and its a choice his heart has already made before this point.

But here's like. The thing about all this that gets me. This is meant to be a secret relationship, right? Like nobody but them is supposed to know about this. And the fact that we the audience didn't have any reason to assume them to be an established relationship without heavy headcanoning means they did a decent job at that, right?

Guys. Guys.

N is terrible at keeping secrets. Like. Horrendously bad at keeping things on the down-low. Every single time in the series he's supposed to not spill info he like. Fails. It's wild. And because the relationship happens after "Inclusive reflexes!" that means that Uzi damn well knows this and still trusts him to try.

But based on V's reaction to the handholding in Dead End:

I'm honestly willing to bet she knew. She doesn't sound surprised, just annoyed that she has to see it. Which means N probably like, heard her badmouthing Uzi or something and got like way too defensive about it and she clocked him instantly. Because he's bad at keeping secrets. And she doesn't bother mentioning it during any of these episodes out loud because she doesn't care what these idiots do in their free time.

Can you imagine how many hundred close calls they must've had? How many times Uzi must've had to aggressively shush him or cover his mouth because he was going to say something slightly too sappy in public? The only reason we don't get to see the time period between eps 4 and 5 is because it would've been painfully obvious that these two dating is the worst kept secret in the entire bunker. I'm going insane.

Uzi fell in love with a proud himbo and they both know it. It's genuinely a miracle they didn't clue the audience in sooner.

[veren-cos]

Bachelor's (Sdv) and Self Care!

x reader, but these can be platonic too!

Whether the Bachelor's would join you for self care and if they do it themselves :3 (in this instance, self-care is like skin care and stuff mostly)

Alex

• Probably would not do any skin/self care with you unless you are either dating or married. He might if you are super close friends tho!

• He tried it with Haley when they were younger, but Haley was just starting with that stuff, so it got in Alex's hair, and he was just like "never again." haha

• Would not paint his nails

• Would however do a face mask if you really wanted him too

• Would probably paint his toes tho.

• I feel like if you introduced a small skin care routine to him he would follow it religiously. Like moisturizer, toner, etc.

Sam

• Yes!

• Doesn't do it on his own, but he is a little bit of a pretty boy as the face of his band

• Likes to do it for stay at home dates with you *I have a fic of this in the making ;)

• Would for sure let you paint his nails!!

• He would either want to match with you, or have them black or red

• Down to try a lot of skin care stuff but like refuses to let you mess with his eyebrows. Idk why, he just won't.

• Would let you do stage makeup on him before he performs!

Sebastian

• Would let you paint his nails black or purple!

• Probably would join you on an occasional face mask stay at home date but wouldn't do it on his own

• Does not really do self care ever, even when Abigail realllly wanted him to join her

• If you tried to get him a skin care routine he wouldn't do it

• Would however let you do his hair! A little side braid or something

• Also- he would let you do small makeup on him. Mostly just eyeliner but you have fun!

Elliott

• 10/10 would join you

• Has all of his own stuff

• Will 100% join you for face masks, painting nails, etc

• Is so good at it. He would paint your nails and help you figure out a skin care routine if you didn't already have one.

• Has really good hair care too

• Overall a beautiful self care king

• WILL LET YOU DO HIS HAIR

• God that would be so much fun

• Will let you braid it, curl it, tease it, whatever you want. Even has heat protectant for you to use!

• Would let you do his makeup but probably wouldn't leave the house with it.

Shane

• No

• He wouldn't ever lmao

• He probably uses a 3 in 1 shampoo conditioner body wash or something

Harvey

• He doesn't really do like 'for funsies' self care.

• He would if you asked him, but after the first time he would buy really quality stuff

• Not that he doesn't enjoy it, he loves doing face masks and such with you, but he thinks a lot of it is a hoax and wants them to actually work.

• He probably has a small skin care routine. Does it whenever he shaves his face and trims his mustache.

An: if you think I can add another thing for any of the characters lmk! I'd love to flesh these out more:3

[idleoblivion]

"I Know Who You Really Are" Deuce Spade x GN Reader

Synopsis: After a run in with some former ‘friends’ of his, you reassure him that his efforts aren’t wasted.

Word Count: ~1k

A/N: I intended this platonic but read it however you want. Also I promise I don't write fics almost the exact same length on purpose idk why it keeps happening.

Warnings: Deuce is sad/insecure, reverse comfort, also you both bully Ace in a fic where he isn't even there to defend himself lol

You were sitting on the couch in your dorm, casually scrolling through Magicam when the front door abruptly swung open. Looking up, you see Deuce, who walks over to the other end of the couch and plops down. Immediately, something feels off to you. You’re confused when he doesn’t say anything to you, so you speak up first.

“Uh, hey. What’s up?” 

He mumbles something under his breath that you don’t quite catch. He’s slouched over and won’t look at you. Your brow creases in worry.

It’s not unheard of for Ace and Deuce to come barging into your dorm unannounced, if they were bored or wanted to borrow your notes or whatever excuse they had. Today’s instance wasn't normal though, you could tell. 

“Where’s Ace at?” “I don’t know. I don’t feel like dealing with him right now.”

“Did he do something? Or say something? He runs his mouth a lot but you know it doesn’t mean anything.” Normally a jab at Ace would get him to at least smile, but his expression stays as glum as it was when he walked in.

“No, he didn’t do anything. I’m just not in the mood.”

“Did something else happen then?” You scooch a little closer to him and put your phone in your pocket. “If you want to talk about it, you know I’ll listen.”

He’s silent again. You’re kind of at a loss, stuck between trying to push him for answers or just letting it go. Despite your concerns, you settle for the second option. You pull out your phone again and get back on Magicam. Maybe he just needed some peace and quiet.

Neither of you say anything until he starts fidgeting a little, which gets your attention back. You notice him eyeing you like he wants to ask you something, so you turn to face him again. “Come on, what happened?”

“It’s just… is anything I’m doing even worth it?” You blink in surprise. He sounds uncharacteristically serious, and you’re caught off guard by the question. 

“What do you mean?” 

“This… this whole ‘honor student’ thing I’m trying to do. Is there any point?” He’s slumped over even more now, looking entirely dejected. 

You take a second before you answer. “You’re working hard to improve yourself and be a good student. How is there no point to that? Plus you said you wanted to make your mom proud, I definitely think you’re doing that.” The mention of his mother makes him scowl and you’re worried you said the wrong thing. 

“If she is proud, she shouldn’t be.”

Your eyes widen a little at that. “Deuce, where is this coming from?”

He looks hesitant to say more, but a reassuring nudge to his shoulder from you is enough to get him talking again. 

“Just…some guys I used to know before I came here… I ran into them over the weekend, and they started making fun of me for trying to clean up my act.” He takes a frustrated breath in and continues. “Talking about how I was still just like them, and this whole goody-two-shoes act is a sham. And that I’ll never be good enough to be a real honor student. That I’m stupid for even trying. ”

You take in his story for a second before frowning. “Well, that’s just wrong. That’s not right at all.”

“Isn’t it though? I’m always behind you and Ace, I try to stay out of trouble but sometimes I still can’t, and so many people just know me as that same delinquent.” He hangs his head low and clenches his fists in his lap.

“Deuce…” You rest your hand on top of his, and he looks up at you again. “That’s not your problem, it’s theirs. If they don’t want to see the effort you’re putting in, that’s on them. You’re not perfect because of course you're not, nobody is. But you always work hard, and you’ve made great progress already. It’s not your fault they choose to ignore that.”

“And more importantly,” you smile gently at him, “I know how hard you try. I know who you really are. So does your mom. And so do our friends, even with all the shit they give you. I promise they have your back just like I do.”

He pauses to think about what you said. He cautiously meets your eyes again. 

“You think I’m good? You mean that?”

“Yes, I do.” You state confidently. 

That seems to finish reassuring him, as he half-smiles before staring back down at his hands in his lap and muttering a quiet “Thank you.”

You nudge him again. “Don’t thank me yet. Thank me when me and Ace are done handling those guys.” You joke. 

He laughs at that and flashes you the first real smile he’s had since showing up. “Please don’t, don’t start acting like a delinquent for me. Neither of you can fight anyway.”

"Hey, Ace punched your dorm leader and got away with it."

"Sucker punched him, if he was ready Ace never would've landed the hit. Also he immediately overblotted, how is that getting away with it?"

You shrug and pull out your phone again. “Doesn't matter, I've got a new idea. You think I could find those stupid guys on Magicam? How do I do that?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“See? You’re so uptight, you’ll make a perfect honor student. As soon as you learn how to study without me.”

“Oh whatever.” He’s grinning though, and he’s lost that gloomy aura he came in with. 

He’s never had friends like you, who would take the time to comfort him without question. Who could see potential in him and believed he could really be something. He’s not used to this kind of feeling, but he can’t pretend he doesn’t enjoy it. You make him feel cared about, and that’s more than most people have ever given him. 

Yeah, if someone like you has his back, he must be on the right path. 

[itendtothinkalot]

another one of those fake dating tropes lol

Summary: a series dedicated to fake dating and for what? idk

Genre: romcom, angst, fluffy

Characters: beomgyu x f!reader soobin x f!reader

Words: too many (15818)

Completed (oneshot)

There were many instances in your life when you felt completely and utterly alone in the world but it was never in the presence of your five overly attached best friends. You didn’t know why the six of you clicked. It could’ve been Kai’s innate sense of wit or Beomgyu’s impeccable timing for comedy. The six of you just did.

Sure, your life had been filled with dullness more so than the average person but with friends like these idiots by your side, you were certain you were considered one of the luckiest people on planet Earth.

You loved being independent, your time away from all the drama and constant yelling, you could go on days at a time without seeing a single person. But somewhere deep in your heart, you also yearned for love. Romantic love, of course. None of that platonic ‘friendship is magic’ bullshit that Taehyun would feed you when you’d whine about being single and how you’d probably die alone with 3 cats. 

You wanted romantic love. A love that was undying. A love that could only be filled with physical and emotional intimacy. A love that you unfortunately have only ever felt for one of your best friends. 

Ahh, unrequited love, a curse that had been bestowed upon you by one of your worst enemies, Cupid.

“I swear to God, you’re gonna get kicked out by Mr Kim.” Kai hushed, pressing his face against Beomgyu. His eyes continuously darted between the backroom where your manager had situated himself then back at Beomgyu, who had his dirty Nike shoes propped up on the barstool next to him.

“First of all, watch the spit, you frog. Also,” Beomgyu scoffed, his lips in between the straw he was viciously nibbling on, wiping the spit that landed on his face from Kai’s aggressive hushing. “We’re paying customers, are we not?” 

“Gyu, the milkshake was free.” You said, an eyebrow raised. “I should know. I made it for you and pretended to key it in so our manager wouldn’t know.”

“Well, you should’ve charged me for it.” Beomgyu challenged as he played with the rigid rim of his paper cup; his teeth marks visible. 

“You’re a broke law student who can’t even afford cup noodles. I had to pay for your last meal and I’m working in a cafe.” Kai added, his hands still busy wiping the counters. He was doing this so the manager wouldn’t call him out for doing nothing (again).

“Shame on the two of you. Inviting me down here so you could humiliate me in front of Soobin and peepaw.” Beomgyu shook his head gesturing to Yeonjun who had been catching up on his Zs during the whole argument. Lifting his head, Yeonjun flicked his fingers at the back of Beomgyu’s neck before enveloping his head back in his arms. 

“Ow!” Beomgyu said through his gritted teeth, rubbing his neck.

A laugh escaped your lips. You patted Yeonjun’s head, “Being unemployed sure takes a toll on the elderly.” You played along earning a smile from Beomgyu. 

Yeonjun groaned before lifting his head to look you dead in the eye, “You’re getting too complacent for someone who works in a dead-end cafe.” 

“At least I can afford more than just a couple bag of chips. Can you say the same?” You stuck your tongue out. Yeonjun rolled his eyes before sipping on his disgusting left-out-too-long milkshake then resting his head back onto the counter.

“I’m in between interviews.” He mumbled, his face still buried in his arms as he tried to defend what was left of his crumbling dignity. 

“Though bashing Yeonjun is my favourite hobby, he’s not wrong. This place is kinda dead. Isn’t it supposed to be lunch hour?” Soobin brought up, looking around the empty cafe before fixing his eyes on you.

“Well, sometimes during rush hour, I’d forget to put the open sign up so I wouldn’t have to clean more tables. Mr. Kim hasn’t noticed it though. He just thinks his marketing strategy of getting the two of us to give out flyers isn’t working.” Kai mumbled putting air quotes around “forget”.

“Low pay fits you, Kai.” Taehyun finally chimed in. “You really shouldn’t be working in this industry. Or in any industry for that matter.”

“Okay, Mr Trust Fund.” Kai sang. “I’m rich! I don’t need a job! I can spend the rest of my life working for my dad!”

“Cut it out, Kai.” Beomgyu defended Taehyun, placing his arms around the younger male. 

“You’re only defending him because he’s paying your half of the rent!” Huening retaliated.

“That’s not true! I paid the rent last month!” 

“Honestly, you haven’t paid me for 3 months.” Taehyun said, his eyes boring into Beomgyu’s, eliciting a guilty giggle from the Beomgyu.

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that as a rich person, you should and must help the needy?” Beomgyu countered.

“The needy?” Kai sneered, eyes peering through the shaggy long-haired boy.

“Yeah. Me.” Beomgyu deadpanned.

“God, Beomgyu, I will continue paying your half of the rent if you shut up.” Taehyun sighed.

“Truly…a man of good deeds. President Kang! I respect you.” Beomgyu saluted as he wrapped his arms around Taehyun.

“President Kang, can you pay my rent?” Soobin grinned, his hands finding their way to Taehyun’s shoulder. 

“You have a job. Stop leeching off of me.” Taehyun spoke, shrugging Soobin’s arms off.

“I don’t think you can count ass kissing as an actual job.” Yeonjun commented, his head finally up, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I don’t kiss my boss’s ass.” Soobin grumbled. 

“Well, you slept with her.” Kai reminded, knocking on Soobin’s forehead, a little mischievous grin plastered across his face. 

Your head perked up at the sudden confession.

“It was a drunk mistake. How’d you even kn- God, I’m never telling you anything again, Beomgyu.” 

“For the record, Kai overheard you telling me through Discord. You should really get a new mic.” Beomgyu said, his mouth filled with stale fries.

Now that piqued your interest. 

“So, Scoobs, you slept with…your boss?” You finally spoke up, your eyebrows furrowed. 

Panic-stricken, Soobin shook his head profusely, “No…no. Not technically.”

“We’re talking technicalities now?” Yeonjun laughed, slapping Soobin’s back.

“So you didn’t?” You queried. It was evident that he was getting more flustered as time passed without an explanation. His red face painfully contrasted with his blonde hair.

“Oh, you don’t know? Well, well, well, looks like you do keep secrets from your favourite friend after all!” Beomgyu retorted.

“I like you all the same. Maybe not Beomgyu right now though.” Soobin cleared his throat before looking at you. His eyes told you he was guilty. Though of course, you weren’t sure. Maybe that’s what you wanted him to feel. 

You didn’t know why it bugged you. Or maybe…you did. But you knew for a fact you didn’t like him sleeping with just about anyone. 

 “I like you all the same!” Beomgyu mimicked annoyingly, “You two and your silly little games, the rooftop meetups, the Friday lunch hour ice creams, the movie nights…we know who you prefer, Soobin or should I say Scooby…” 

Soobin looked at Beomgyu, rolled his eyes and dunked his head then back at you. 

“It was just a one-time thing. We were both drunk and I woke up in her apartment the other day at the Christmas party. It was stupid and I would never do it again.” He explained, specifically to you. You weren’t sure why he was trying so hard to convince you to think otherwise.

“Christmas?” You muttered.

Christmas was just 2 weeks ago. Which would explain why Soobin had backed out on the past 2 Friday lunch hour ice cream sessions. You thought. 

As much as everything was great when you hung out with your friends, it was also just as dreadful hanging out with someone you had the fattest crush on. Shaking your head, you decided just to ignore this minor yet painful information. It was a one-time thing. He said so and you chose to believe it.

Work was finally over. Despite finding out the person you’ve been in love with for the past 2 years had sex with his boss, it was another average day. It wasn’t like you’d never heard of Soobin’s romantic endeavours before. You were used to it but you wouldn’t say you enjoy the awful sting in your heart.

You sighed as your body hit the bed. Your legs were wrapped around in the blanket that Taehyun had got you for your 21st birthday. He had insisted on getting you a whole bed set because you’d been sleeping on the same club penguin bed sheets since you were 11. You initially declined, claiming that you’d be happy with a gift card to the local supermarket since you were running low on cup ramen but then Soobin said something about how much he loved soft neutral-coloured linens and there you were begging Taehyun for the new set he initially offered. You were pathetic. So pathetic you got Taehyun rolling on the floor laughing when you were on your knees for the linen set you had so kindly declined.

Bzzz…

Your thoughts were interrupted.

Soobin: You up? You: Was about to sleep. Soobin: Rooftop in 5? You: Choc milk??? Soobin: In my pockt. Soobin: Pocket*

How Soobin and you met...was a little unconventional. You happened to move right above Soobin’s apartment when he had trudged to your house to complain about the noise you had made the previous night and accused you of having the worst-sounding sex in history of mankind. 

“It’s like if a cat and a dog were-”

You remembered shaking your head, “I’m gonna to have you stop right there. Mr…?”

“Soobin.”

“Ah, Soobin. You see, I would remember having sex last night in this apartment and making questionable mating noises except I moved in…today?” This was followed by a string of apologies mostly from Soobin who had been on his knees. 

From that day on, he had visited your house every single day bearing snacks, hoping the both of you didn’t start on the wrong foot. It eventually blossomed and the both of you became inseparable best friends with him introducing you to the rest of them. 

“You okay?” You asked, your eyelids closing as you tried your hardest to suppress your yawns. You were sleepy, sure, but you didn’t have the heart to tell Soobin you were knackered. Besides, it was Soobin, you had slaved away till 5am cooking his favourite meals to cheer him up when his first-ever girlfriend had broken up with him…you’re not proud of it but you did love the look on his face when he nuzzled into the crook of your neck declaring how much he loved your chicken soup.

You noticed Soobin fidgeting like he was nervous. His eyes danced across the rooftop, at you then at the lawn chairs then at the fairy lights decorating the washed-up rooftop then back at you. You could see him trying so evidently to avoid your gaze. 

“Scooby, are you okay?” You asked again after noticing the look of distress plastered on his handsome face.

“I got a promotion.” The words left his mouth like a bullet train. No pause. No emotion. No nothing.

“That’s amazing!” Your fatigue washed away as soon as you heard the good news. You jumped into his arms and hugged him as tightly as you could. “Congratulations!” Though, you were a little confused with the sudden promotion. Was it because he slept with his boss? You quietly thought to yourself.

“No, I got it before I even slept with her and besides she’s in a different department, she doesn’t have a say.” He sped through the explanation like he knew what you were thinking.

“Scoobs, that’s wonderful. I’m happy for you!” You smiled, lifting your arms to hug him, inching closer.

“It’s in New York.” 

You could hear a pin drop. The silence engulfed the two of you. You were hoping Beomgyu would come out in an ugly baggy tuxedo shouting “YOU JUST GOT PRANK’D SON!” like he had one time during your birthday when they switched out your cake for cardboard but minutes passed and no one but the crickets were talking. It was just the right time for you to fall back onto the lawn chair, maybe miss the lawn chair and hit your head so it’d crack open so you couldn’t see the love of your life walk out on you.

“For how long?”

“2 years.” Soobin mumbled.

Your arms untangle from Soobin’s, you looked at him confused before a smile returned to your face.You couldn’t let him know you were upset.

“Are you gonna accept the offer?” You asked, a smile still covering your progressive state of panic, trying your best to stay impartial towards your best friend.

“I don’t know. The salary’s amazing, a huge jump from my current pay. The company provides – accommodation, transportation, medical benefits and a whole ton of shit that I never had.”

“That’s amazing,” You said before pausing, the pause took longer than you’d initially expected, “But you don’t seem too happy.” 

“It’s just…” Soobin sighed, his legs giving up. He fell to his knees and cradled himself next to the wall. You found yourself moving from the lawn chair as you made your way towards the taller male. You placed a hand on his knee as you sat beside him and laid your head on his shoulder. “So so so fucking far.” His voice broke. His eyes forming tears but he turned away before you could see it fall.  “From everyone. From you.” 

You ignored the heart palpitations you were having. If you ignored it, maybe it’d go away. 

“Soobin…” You used his real name, hoping he’d know that you were serious. You turned his face toward you, looking at him in adoration. “I don’t want- we don’t want to be the reason you didn’t take this great fucking opportunity and it’s only 2 years. Soobin, you’ve worked so har-”

Soobin cuts you off, “It’s not the same. I want to be with you guys. We promised that we’d be here when Yeonjun finally finds his passion. God, I’m going to miss Beomgyu’s graduation. I can’t leave! We haven’t even gotten to see the sunrise together in Bukchon! We haven’t gone on the camping trip we’ve been planning since high school! What’s Kai going to do when he finds out that I’m leaving? He’s like a son to me. Dear God, what if Taehyun hunts me down and-” He rambled on and on.

“Soobin,” You cut him off. “stop thinking about us and start thinking about what YOU want to do. You’ve wanted to be a journalist for so long.” You took a deep breath. “Soobs, you graduated at the top of your class. You pulled an all-nighter every single day for three weeks before your final exam. You put up with shitty intern supervisors for this very opportunity! You’re finally achieving your dream!”

“You don’t get it.” Soobin sighed, a hint of frustration in his voice.

“What don’t I get?” You mirrored his annoyance.

Soobin had worked so hard, you were almost furious that he was fighting NOT to go. He would be stupid to reject an offer that could potentially elevate his career and here he was upset he couldn’t go camping with the 5 of you in a shitty forest in your old boring neighbourhood.

“It’s not my dream.” He said, his eyebrows furrowing. His hands moved to the sides of your arms, gripping onto them. You looked up, slightly puzzled at his firmness.

“Soobin, I saw your vision board. It was in big red letters, right next to ‘Meet Bebe Rexha’.” You mumbled.

The vision board was something Soobin had done to stay consistent with the goals he had set up for himself when he was 11. The board was made from his first laptop box, it was cut up and pasted on his wall. Torn up pieces of newspaper, magazines and notes with his goals pasted on the edges of the board with the words ‘SOOBIN’S DREAMS’ written across the middle.  It started when he was in middle school, he’d paste pictures of grades he manifested, vacation spots he wanted to visit. He’d done everything on the vision board. You couldn’t be the reason for him to stop finishing what he started.

“The vision board was made before I met you.” He replied. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” You said, yawning mid way. You lifted your head up to look over to him. His gaze dead set on you. The butterflies in your stomach were much more active that night, violently fighting their way out of your stomach. His hands had found its way to your thigh, as it grazed up and down, up and down, comforting you in this dreadful situation. His soft, slender fingers traced comforting patterns on your thigh, a gesture of reassurance amid uncertainty, your silent connection speaking volumes.

Soobin cleared his throat, “I…um…I guess what I’m trying to say is that this dream…” He paused and gestured between the two of you with his hands. “that you think I’m…uh, achieving? It’s not complete. Not complete at all.” His voice falters like he was about to say something stupid.

“What’s missing?” You gulped, nervous. The movement of his hands on your thighs stop as he moves them to your face. 

His eyes shifted to yours. “You.” 

“Oh.” You replied. 

“I like you.” Soobin confessed. “And I know you like me too.” 

“What? I neve-”

“Yeonjun can be a blabbermouth when he’s drunk.” 

“That fiend.” You muttered under your breath causing Soobin to chuckle.

“I like you. I like you so much.” He paused, more eager. “God, I think about you all the time, when I sleep, when I eat. You’re in my head all the time. I literally wake up and go, ‘I wonder what she’s doing today?’. The vision board isn’t my future. You are.”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t really know what to say. 

“Just say the word and I won’t go.”

—------------------

2 years later

“I look stupid.” You said, looking at yourself in the mirror. A shimmery blue beaded dress tugged on your waist as you found yourself being tossed and turned by Yeonjun as if you were some kind of ragdoll. 

“You look wonderful, now hold still. I’m a second away from being annoyed at you.” Yeonjun said, pinching the side of your waist to keep you from fidgeting.

“Ouch!” You felt a pin poke your sides, you jumped at the feeling before Yeonjun smacked your arms.

“Don’t be such a baby.” Yeonjun ridiculed, before spinning you around to take a good look at you. “You look great.” 

“Do I really?” You asked, clear confusion on your face, you eyed yourself in the mirror. You looked like a helpless little girl stuck in a bunch of blue glittery fabric.

“Could you relax? You’re wearing a Yeonjun original. Of course, you look good.” Yeonjun grinned, pride evident on his face. You couldn’t help but beam at your friend. 

Yeonjun found his place designing dresses for a boutique for his aunt about a year ago and you were incredibly happy for him especially after the difficulties he had faced finding the right job for him.

“Gyu, what do you think?” You turned to face Beomgyu, who had little to no interest and twirled for him.

“Gyu…CHOI BEOMGYU!” Yeonjun yelled.

“WHAT?!” Beomgyu rolled his eyes, placing the magazine he was reading onto his lap, looking up at you and Yeonjun, “I was in the middle of reading an article! Hilary Duff’s secrets to conquering acne and online haters—front cover exclusive.”

You laughed and spun for him, “Gyu, how do I look?”

“The dress is good.” He said nonchalantly before turning back to his magazine.

“That’s all?” Yeonjun pestered.

“What am I supposed to fucking say?” Beomgyu groaned.

“Something descriptive? Or helpful!” Yeonjun urged.

“I know how to be helpful. It’s officially been 2 years since Soo-…” Beomgyu finally chimed in.

“Don’t bring him up.” Yeonjun cuts Beomgyu off. “We were having a nice time.”

“We’re seeing him next week so I don’t know why you’re being all… skittish about the situation.” Beomgyu retaliated.

Yeonjun’s hand found his way to yours, lending a hand of comfort after he had noticed your clear discomfort when Soobin was mentioned.

“I’m fine. It’ll be nice seeing him. Have you guys…um… spoken to him recently?” You asked, hoping someone would have at least some news about him.

“Not since the second month he left. ‘I’ll e-mail you guys everyday’ turned out to be a month and a half before he started posting cute pictures of himself on instagram in ugly turtlenecks. Who does he think he is? Steve Jobs? And for the love of God, who actually posts their girlfriend that much on a daily basis? I do not care for your ugly girlfriend.” Beomgyu spat bitterly. 

“Gyu.” You warned.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot we weren’t haters anymore so I’ll rephrase. I do care…” he looked at the two of you and shook his head. “for his bug-eyed, self-absorbed, irritating, conniving, little minx of a girlfriend. See? I can be descriptive.” 

You rolled your eyes, shoving his arm before chuckling. Despite his hatred for everything, you adored Beomgyu. He had a way of saying shit that just made you forget why you were upset in the first place. 

“Well, he sent me a heart eye emoji on a shirtless picture I posted on stories the other day. Though I think that might’ve been a mistake.” Yeonjun cleared his throat.

“Posting that picture was a mistake. A horrid shirtless picture at 8am? A new low even for you.” Beomgyu said before catching a flying pillow that was hurtling towards him. 

“I will end you.” Yeonjun threatened. 

“Sure, peepaw. Anyway,” Beomgyu sighed, focusing his attention back on you. “Have you guys talked?”

“No. We haven’t talked since the day he left.” 

—-----

“I’ll e-mail you guys everyday! Facetime, instagram, hell, I’d even use Facebook for you turds! I promise.” 

“For the record, Facebook is a great social media platform.” Kai said defensively.

“We get it. One of your videos got viral on that old people's platform.” Taehyun rolled his eyes.

The five of you trailed behind Soobin, with bags of gifts in your arms because Soobin couldn’t “leave you guys empty-handed”.  That just meant he gave you a bunch of rubbish he didn’t need for New York.   

Soobin huffed, his eyes welling with tears. “Fuck, I don’t wanna go.”

“You have to. You’ll be back in 2 years and we’ll be back at Mr Kim’s diner once again bickering about stupid shit like we always have. And don’t worry! We’ll come to visit the moment Yeonjun gets a job so he can pay for his air ticket.” Kai chuckled. 

“I HAVE a job!” Yeonjun retaliated.

“You went to one interview.”

“And the lady said she’d call!” 

“I think we should focus on the fact Soobin is leaving.” Taehyun muttered.

“No. Don’t. I’ll miss your stupid arguments and how stupid everything Beomgyu says is.”

“At least someone appreciates me.” Beomgyu beamed.

Your heart fastened as you felt the 6 of you inch closer to the departure hall. Every single memory of Soobin and you had replayed in your mind. The last-minute movie dates, the overnight calls, burning the midnight oil as you studied through your last year of college together. 

“Soobin.” You singled him out from the rest, pulling onto his baggy sweatshirt. You dragged him to the corner with your 4 remaining friends making kissy noises at the back. 

“Ooooo~ Soobin. I love you.” 

“Hm?” You and Soobin were away from the others, standing by a charging station opposite his departure gate.

He fidgeted with his passport, peeling the cover and putting it back on.

“I’ll wait for you,” you finally said.

“And I’ll be back. Two years,” Soobin promised, kissing your cheek, the warmth lingering.

“Two years,” you nodded.

Soobin turned away but hesitated, feeling glued to the spot. Suddenly, he spun back around, grabbing your face with both hands and pressing his lips to yours. 

When he finally pulled back, both of you were breathless. “I love you,” he whispered again, his forehead resting against yours.

“I love you too,” you replied, your voice shaky but certain.

There it was. The most pain you had ever felt. You’ve gotten hurt a lot of times in the past. When Yeonjun ran over your foot with his new hoverboard. When Beomgyu said you looked stupid wearing your favourite beret. When your middle school crush threw a ball straight to your face. When you fell off the stairs after tripping over your shoelaces. Your parents saying you’d never live up to your cousin. A whole ton of shit.

But this? This was a thousand times worse than everything combined.

—

“Good lord, I did not realise Haechan had this many friends.” Taehyun gulped as the five of you entered the wedding hall. Decorated in the ugliest laced curtains you had ever seen, you kept the look of disgust in your head. Though who were you to complain, you couldn’t even get over someone you liked 2 years ago.

“It’s a miracle he managed to settle down.” Beomgyu whispered, referring to how Haechan has had quite the run when he was still single, living in an apartment with like 5 other frat guys naming themselves ‘dreamies’ or something like that. 

“Table 34? That’s all the way at the back!” Kai breathed, annoyed. “And to think I was his cheat sheet in high school.”

“You gave him a C+ at best.” Taehyun commented.

“A C+ that I studied for!”

“Let it go, Kai. At least we’re at the same table.” You consoled, staring at yourtable card.

“Thirty-fi-...Hold up. What the fuck. I’m at table 35!” Beomgyu spat.

“It’s probably because of that one time you stole his sandwich.” Yeonjun reminded us.

“It was a tuna sandwich. Who gives a shit? Hey, someone switch with me. I see Lucas at table 35 and I am not ready to sit with his big ass head blocking my view.” He growled.

“No.” The four of you chimed.

Beomgyu groaned. Ignoring his sulky gaze towards you, you looked over to table 34. Your eyes scanned the seats for your name. 

Ah, there it was. A white chair draped in fancy lace and a ton of shit Haechan probably paid too much for. A chair that was…

Right next to Choi Soobin.

No…no…no. This couldn’t be happening to you. 

“Hey, on second thought, Gyu. I’ll gladly change my seats with you.” 

“What’s with the sudd-” Beomgyu glanced at your seat. “Yeah, I’ll take a chance with big head. Good luck.” 

“Gyu!” You begged.

“Big hea- Lucas!” He called out before running over to the big goof at table 35. 

“Guys, I swear to God, don’t leave me alone with him.” Your eyes filled with desperation. 

“We won’t. Unlike Beomgyu, we actually love and cherish y- Oh my god, Taehyun, they have crepes here. I REPEAT! THEY HAVE CREPES!” Kai squeaked, pulling Taehyun towards the food.

“And then there were two.” Yeonjun sighed, placing a hand on your back. 

“Jun…” You cried.

“I’m right here. I won’t go anywhere.” Yeonjun reassured you before leading you to your table.

You could feel your heart bursting out of your chest. In no way shape or form were you ready to see him waltz in with his plus one that so happened to be the big boss he slept with 2 years ago. Coincidence? You doubt it. Everyday you thought of the possibility of what could’ve been and it has sucked you back to misery every. Single. Time.  

You sat next to Yeonjun and fiddled with the hem of your skirt. Your legs were shaking from nerves. Your eyes shifted across the room, hoping he wasn’t going to show up. But lo and behold, the monster of your nightmare strutting in with his beautiful girlfriend. 

“Good God.” Kai whispered as he walked back to the table with crepes in his hand. “Here he comes.” 

“Hm, Gyu was right. She does have bug eyes.” Taehyun added.

“Dude!” Yeonjun exclaimed, hitting Taehyun’s arms. “They’re coming! Act normal. Like we weren’t just talking about them!” 

The four of you looked away trying to avoid eye contact with your former friend. You felt the chair beside you being filled when Kai burst out laughing.

“God! Yeonjun, HAHA, yes. Yep. I remember that incident. A while ago. It was crazy. Crazy.” Kai yelled aloud.

“Play it cool.” Taehyun elbowed Kai who was in a reasonable state of panic.

Soobin cleared his throat, twiddling his thumbs.

“Hey guys, it’s been a long time.” He begun. 

The four of you glanced over to him, simultaneously nodding before looking back at each other.

“Yeah. 2 years?” Yeonjun replied, avoiding eye contact with the taller fellow. 

“Um, yeah,” Soobin said. “This is my girlfriend.” 

This time you spoke but not before clearing your throat, “Uh, yes. Hello.” You nodded in her direction before turning your attention back to Yeonjun. 

You tugged onto Yeonjun’s shirt, mouthing, ‘Save me’. You knew if you had to look at them any longer you would start feeling pity for yourself and soon enough you’d start crying at a wedding you didn’t even give a shit about. 

“It’s been a long time, Soobin. You’ve missed a lot.” Yeonjun spoke, you could feel Soobin tense up beside you. Probably from Yeonjun’s tone. 

“Oh yeah?” You heard Soobin ask. Your eyes were still on Yeonjun. 

“Well for starters, Kai finally found a corporate job.” Taehyun started.

“Yep. I’m a slave to capitalism now. Taehyun’s assistant at your service.” Kai chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. He sipped his large glass of wine, looked away then twiddled with his thumbs. It was clear that the lovely Huening Kai hated these types of situations. 

“Yeonjun too! He’s a fashion designer.” You managed to fumble out trying your darndest to be casual when your eyes moved over to observe Soobin for a fleeting moment before deciding that maybe it was too early to even look at him. One look and your friends understood your desperation to leave. Calmly trying to take over the conversation, Yeonjun opened his mouth to speak when Soobin beat him to it.

“What about you?”

“Why do you care?” You replied instantly before regretting how rude you probably sounded. “I mean, I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

“Well, you were always good with kids. It fits you.” Soobin said with so much sincerity in his voice you almost regret replying him with that much hostility. Almost.

“Mhm.” You nodded, still looking away. 

“Uh, how about you?” Yeonjun asked, gesturing to Soobin.

God, how much you would PAY to have Beomgyu swoop into save you.

2 years ago, you’d never have thought that any of you would be in this awkward situation.. Hell, Soobin used to be your escape and now he was just someone you feared seeing. As time passed, it seemed that your friendship was almost nothing but faint memories. 

“Well, uh…” Soobin began.

“We’re great.” His girlfriend chimed in. “Hi, I know you’ve probably seen me in his instagram stories.To answer your question, a few things are in store for both of us. Mr Choi here has a soon-to-be promotion coming up and Mrs Choi here is really proud.” She announced, shoving her finger in front of the four of you. 

Your heart dropped. Despite being left for two years, maybe somewhere in your heart, you had still hoped he’d see what he was missing and come crawling back to you. Then maybe your happy ending could finally start. But that goal seemed a little too far fetched now.

The diamond rock stared at you and then eventually mocked you for being ugly and single.

Yeonjun’s eyes widened before sputtering out a bunch of words – congrats or something like that, you honestly couldn’t comprehend the conversation any further. Then you felt yourself being pulled back into this dreadful event when Yeonjun nudged you.

“I said…what about you? Are you seeing anyone?” She sneered, her attention glued on you, lifting an eyebrow, almost expectant to hear the answer she wanted. 

After what seemed like hours, you mustered the courage to glance at Soobin, who was already watching you curiously. Once best friends, the word "love" had been thrown around casually. Yet, you didn’t want him prying into your private life, especially with his impending marriage.

“I…uh…” You stammered, unable to comprehend the situation or even form a proper sentence.

“Actually,” Yeonjun spoke. “Beomgyu and her have been dating for awhile now.” 

“What?!” You exclaimed, your eyes wide at the sudden accusation. 

You were upset about two things: first, this dreadful lie Yeonjun just spouted and second, that you weren’t able to catch Soobin’s reaction. Was he hurt? Was he angry? Was he feeling how you were feeling? Slightly betrayed, slightly hurt and just really hungry…God, who were you kidding? You couldn’t even stomach food with Soobin’s shoulder knocking onto yours every few seconds.

Upset by the lie and missing Soobin's reaction, you noticed Yeonjun’s unnerving nonchalance.

“Oh come on. Soobin’s an old friend. We can trust him,” Yeonjun lied smoothly, munching on crackers.

Kai and Taehyun, equally confused, looked at you in disbelief. Kai, his lips trembling, added, “Yeah, they’re really cute together. It was a shocker.”

Taehyun gulped, “You can’t imagine how surprised we were.”

“The most adorable couple I know! You should really hear the story of how Beomgyu asked her out. It was so cute!” Yeonjun added enthusiastically.

“Speaking of boyfriends, here he comes now!” Taehyun shouted, pointing at Beomgyu, who was strutting over with a goofy grin.

“You guys will not believe what Lucas said to me!” Beomgyu yelled over the loud music.

“Not the time,” Kai mumbled, gesturing to Soobin with his eyes.

Beomgyu’s grin faded as he noticed the tension in the group and quickly caught on to the situation.

“What?” Beomgyu said, confused before realising Soobin was right there. “Oh. It’s you. Hi bro. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? You look great for someone who left his best friends hanging for 2 years but great, nonetheless.”

You snorted, feeling a bit more confident with Beomgyu’s tactless honesty. With him around, you strangely always felt 2 times more powerful – like you had no fear because if anyone were to tell you off Beomgyu would be glad to do it back to them. Probably even worse than they had done to you.

Beomgyu pulled out his phone, rereading Yeonjun's text, then gasped aloud.

“Babe, I thought you said you weren’t ready to tell anyone!” Beomgyu exclaimed, resting his arms on your shoulders as he knelt beside your chair.

If you weren’t in on this, you’d believe you were in a relationship with Beomgyu. Their acting was top-notch.

“I didn’t think Yeonjun would announce it,” you lied.

“God, you know what? I am kind of glad that it’s out. I can finally tell the world that you’re mine.” Beomgyu grinned before planting a kiss on your cheek. “Soobin, I believe I have yet to tell you about how we first got together.”

���Uh…” Soobin stammered, almost wanting to decline.

“Thank you for asking me. Well…it was a few months after you left. She had been crying over your move for like two months, it was like really terrible. Constant tears, just blueh-” Beomgyu started, earning a glare from you.

“Babe…it’s part of the story. Stop looking at me like that. Did you know glaring can affect your aging? We can’t have you looking 60 when we haven’t had our first child.”

“Sorry.” You apologised even though you didn’t know why. He was, technically, embarrassing you. Your cheeks pinked when you felt Soobin look over to you.

“Anyway I was like shit, why does it hurt me so much to see her hurting? So I talked to Yeonjun –”

“That’s me.” Yeonjun raised his hands, inserting himself into a situation he started.

“This isn’t about you…” Beomgyu paused, grabbing Yeonjun’s hand and shoving it away. “I consulted Yeonjun and was like dude why the fuck am I so sad when she’s sad?”

“Yeah and I was like maybe you lik-” Yeonjun interrupted.

“Yeonjun, please!”  Beomgyu grunted. "Anyway, he was like, 'Maybe you like her?' And I sat there for weeks thinking about it before I realized I did like her. Her hair smells like flowers, and she giggles so cutely at cat pictures. She’s always there for me. Every single time I feel dread, she’s there. She…” Beomgyu pauses, glancing at you with a gentle smile.

“Look at her. She’s…well, she’s undeniably beautiful. When I look at her, my troubles just melt away. Nothing in the world matters except for me and her.” Beomgyu's voice softened with every word, each one filled with sincerity.

You looked over to Beomgyu, feeling a warm blush spread across your cheeks, even though you knew he was pretending.

The two of you might have been staring at each other for a minute too long. Yeonjun cleared his throat.

“Uh. Right. Anyway, despite this, I didn’t really wanna ruin the friendship but I thought I’d rather try than leave and feel empty. Of course, she didn’t feel the same way since she was too busy being hung up on someone who wasn’t. even. there.”

You felt Soobin shift in his seat. He cleared his throat

“Well, I changed my mind eventually, didn’t I?” You added. A sudden surge of confidence pulsed through your veins. You wanted to lie. You wanted to believe that you were okay when Soobin left. You wanted Soobin to know that you didn’t need him. In fact, you didn’t want him. And you didn’t spend like 2-3 months moping in your house, crying over the fact he moved on and you didn’t.

“She didn’t like me back at first. So I went to Kai and Taehyun for some more advice and Kai was unsupportive at first, telling me how he didn’t want to lose another friend but you know Taehyun and Yeonjun convinced him and here we are.”

“Then what happened?” You asked, intrigued by Beomgyu’s story.

“Weren’t you there when it happened?” Soobin’s girlfriend piped in.

“Yeah. But I like it when my baby tells the story.” You glared back at her before wrapping your arms around Beomgyu’s waist.

“Well…I, uh, I told her on her birthday. I gave her a necklace with a picture of us we took on the day I took her out to cheer her up. We went to a photobooth and she kissed my cheek for the first time so I printed the photo and placed it in the necklace and told her I liked her and here we are.”

You looked down at your necklace. Well, Beomgyu wasn’t lying about one thing. 

—-

“Okay, my turn!” Beomgyu exclaimed, handing you a personalised pink box. 

“What is it?” You asked, curiosity evident. You shook the box, a single metal-like item knocking on the walls of the boxes. 

“You have hands. You can open the box.” Beomgyu joked.

Your fingers graced the velvet box, “God, the box is so pretty.”

“I know how much of a sucker you are for ornate boxes.”

You grinned at your best friend. He did know you. Maybe a little too much. 

Beomgyu searched your eyes for any sign of excitement and when he got a squeak from you, he knew you were. His nerves finally settled down when you finally opened the box revealing a chain necklace with a single heart hanging off. 

“Gyu!” You cried, opening the locket. “It’s so pretty and –the picture! This is so cute!” 

You squealed and jumped into his arms, wrapping yours around his much larger exterior. “Thank you!”

His hand found their way to your back, his fingers played with the wrinkles of your shirt, “I’m glad you liked it. I have one just like it so if we ever get lost and separated, I’ll know how to find you.” Beomgyu grinned. 

“Why would we ever get separated?” You asked, looking at him through your eyelashes.

“There could be zombies.”

“Zombie, no zombie, we’re literally together 24/7. Let’s face it, I’d probably get bitten in the first 2 hours and you’d probably let me infect you because you got lazy or something.”

“You’re right. We wouldn’t make it. You know who would?” 

“Taehyun.” You both sang.

—---

“You think he bought it?” you asked with a smirk as you swung open your apartment door. Chucking your shoes into the cabinet next to the entrance, you flopped down onto your sofa. Beomgyu followed suit, collapsing into the bean bag chair.

“I think Kai showing Soobin that video of us kissing at the New Year's party really sealed the deal,” Beomgyu replied with a grin.

“It’s a good thing the sound wasn’t on, or else he’d hear a loud ‘I TOLD YOU THEY’D DO IT FOR TWENTY’,” you mimicked Yeonjun's bet with Taehyun, recalling the hilarious wager over your New Year's kiss. In your defense, it was all in good fun, and the $20 came in handy during your ramen days.

“Look at us now! Gainfully employed adults who don’t have to resort to crazy dares for lunch money,” Beomgyu chuckled.

“I wouldn’t consider kissing you a crazy dare,” you quipped after a pause.

“You don’t think kissing your best friend is crazy?” Beomgyu raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think kissing you is crazy,” you said casually.

“Oh,” Beomgyu cleared his throat. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. I just know I wouldn’t kiss Tae, Kai, or Jun.”

“Hm?”

“Seems gross. Lightly verging on incestuous,” you laughed, switching on the TV to distract yourself. The conversation shifted as a dating show you both enjoyed came on, pulling you into its drama-filled world.

After a while, Beomgyu broke the silence. “I feel the same way.”

“Huh?” you turned to him in surprise.

“I wouldn’t kiss Tae, Kai, or Jun either. Or anyone else, for that matter. Seems gross.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his words, your heart warming at the shared sentiment.

The corners of your lip turned upward. 

—---

Beomgyu’s eyes remained fixated on you as you twirled around in front of the mirror, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was witnessing something magical. His heart skipped a beat as he admired how the dress accentuated every graceful movement you made.

“Gyu…”

“CHOI BEOMGYU!”

“What?!” Beomgyu snapped, trying to appear engrossed in the magazine in his hands. “I was in the middle of reading an article! Hilary Duff’s secrets to conquering acne and online haters—front cover exclusive.” He held up the magazine proudly, hoping his distraction tactic worked.

You giggled, “Gyu, how do I look?”

“The dress is... um, good,” Beomgyu stuttered, his cheeks turning pink as he peeked over the magazine. ‘Good?’ He mentally scolded himself. ‘Could you be any more awkward?’ He wanted to say you looked breathtaking, enchanting, but the words seemed to escape him in that moment.

“That’s all?” Yeonjun teased from behind his own magazine, grinning mischievously at Beomgyu.

“Can I live?” Beomgyu shot back, feeling Yeonjun’s teasing intensify his embarrassment.

In his head, Beomgyu cursed Yeonjun’s nosiness. Maybe keeping his feelings for you a secret would have been a better idea.

—--------

“What the fuck was that?” Beomgyu exploded as he stormed into his apartment, Yeonjun trailing behind with a thousand apologies.

“I said I was sorry! I panicked!” Yeonjun exclaimed, his voice filled with regret.

“Undo what you just did,” Beomgyu demanded, pacing back and forth in the living room.

“I can’t! You saw how hurtful Soobin's new girlfriend was! I didn’t want our best friend to feel even worse seeing the love of her life get married while she’s here, still hung up on him,” Yeonjun reasoned, trying to justify his impulsive actions.

“So you drag me into it?” Beomgyu questioned sharply, clearly displeased.

“You were dragged into it when you told me you liked her! Face it, Gyu, everything you said today about the two of you was true, except that you didn’t actually tell her you like her.”

“And for good reason!” Beomgyu shot back. “You saw how worked up she was over Soobin! She even agreed to fake date me just to get back at him!”

“Maybe it’s a good thing!” Yeonjun attempted to console him.

“Yeah, totally! I agree. Being her fake boyfriend is so much better than being her real one! Thank you, Yeonjun! You really are Cupid! Maybe I should invite you to our fake wedding! We could have fake kids too!” Beomgyu yelled, his sarcasm dripping with frustration.

“Okay, maybe I haven’t thought it all the way through, but according to this ridiculous post by Soobin’s girlfriend, they’re going to be here all month. So why don’t you two start posting cute couple shit, first convince Soobin that you got the girl, and then actually get the girl?” Yeonjun suggested with a mischievous grin.

“What kind of sick, twisted, and insane plan is that?” Beomgyu felt his last shred of sanity being pushed out the window by Yeonjun's outrageous suggestion.

“A really, really bad one,” Yeonjun admitted sheepishly, realizing the mess he had inadvertently created.

—-----------

"So we’re doing this?" Beomgyu gulped nervously.

"I guess. I mean, how hard is it to act like we’re in love? You and Yeonjun do it all the time," you teased lightly.

"I’m gonna need you to take whatever you said back," Beomgyu replied with a mock shudder.

"Should our first date be at Lotte World then? I heard senior citizens get half off. We can bring Yeonjun," you joked, chuckling at the thought.

Your humour eased some of Beomgyu's tension, though it also stirred something deeper within him. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone that you had grown closer to Beomgyu after Soobin's departure. You practically lived at his place, even having your own drawer there now. While Beomgyu wasn't trying to replace Soobin, he had become Your Beomgyu in a way that was uniquely yours.

“MAY DAY!” Kai’s voice echoed through the hallways as he barged into Beomgyu’s room, phone in hand. “Look!” He shoved the phone screen in front of Beomgyu's face.

Soobin: Great seeing you guys the other day! We should hang out again. Maybe just the 6 of us like old times.

“Did you reply?” Beomgyu asked, trying to mask his concern.

“I…”

“Kai…”

“LOOK! I panicked and said okay! DON’T KILL ME!” Kai screamed.

You and Beomgyu exchanged a glance, silently agreeing to a plan that would convince Soobin you were indeed in a real relationship.

“We’ll do it,” you both said in unison.

“What?” Kai looked bewildered.

“I want to do it. It’s a chance to show him that I’ve moved on,” you explained firmly.

“You’ve moved on like this far,” Kai teased, stretching his arm toward Beomgyu.

“What’s wrong with dating me?” Beomgyu joked back, though inwardly, he couldn’t help but wonder if you’d ever date him if it was a different circumstance.

—--

“Hold my right hand.” Beomgyu insisted.

The two of you were walking to the diner that the 6 of you were supposed to meet up at. It was strange since the last time you were there, you and Huening were manning the counter, Beomgyu had shaggy black hair that made him look like delinquent…(well a cute delinquent but you weren’t going to let Beomgyu know that, it was gonna go to his head), Yeonjun was unemployed, Taehyun minding his own business as usual and well when Soobin…was the love of your life.

“What? Why?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“My right hand says I wuv you baby while my left hand says lets game bro!” He lifted his left arm, flexing his muscles to you. 

“Beomgyu, I swear to God, if you don’t stop doing that I’ll fake break up with you right now.”

“Okay, sorry. Geez.” Beomgyu rested his arms across your waist, giving your sides a gentle squeeze. “Nervous?”

“Well…I’m fake dating my best friend to get back at my ex-crush who promised he’d wait for me and then got together with the woman he said he didn’t have any feelings for and is now engaged to her. Yeah. Kinda.” You rambled, sweat dripping down your forehead.

“Look, it’s just the 6 of us today. No weird looks from the loony with the bug eyes.” Beomgyu tried reassuring you.

“It wasn’t her I was worried about. It’s Soobin.”

“Oh.” 

“It’s stupid.” You sighed, feeling your body tense as you inched closer to the familiar neighbourhood.

“Try me.”

“It’s just…when I look at him, it’s like I’m 18 again. The feelings come rushing back when I don’t want it to. I was an idiot then.”

“You’re not an idiot.” Beomgyu pursed his lips before continuing. “You’re you. You love hard and you mourned what could’ve been. You’re a person with feelings and I- we love you for that.” 

Blood rushed to your cheeks. The feeling of shyness overwhelmed you. 

Clearing your throat, you pointed up to the diner, “There it is.”

You felt your throat closing up. Were you really about to fake date your best friend who you supposedly had no feelings for just to get back at someone who you liked 2 years ago? Were you about to stoop so low just to feel like you’ve gotten back at him? What were you aiming to achieve? 

“There’s the lovebirds!” Kai’s voice echoed throughout the little cafe. 

The place still looked the same. The crooked paintings on the wall, the jagged tear on the booth sofa that Kai made when he dropped a pair of scissors and the rusty wall decor that your manager insisted on keeping though you said the customers complained about its stench. Oddly enough, the stench was strangely comforting to you. It reminded you of the old times. 

Your eyes found its way to Soobin, who was wearing a tight black shirt that clung onto his body for its dear life, khaki pants that accentuated his calves and a pair of black converse. His jet black hair slicked back with gel as he unintentionally flexed his arm, gripping onto the large glass of milkshake with his left hand. God, he was gorgeous. Fuck. You thought.

As you took a seat between Taehyun and Beomgyu, you felt his piercing gaze burn holes through your head. 

“Well, never thought I’d see the six of us back here.” Beomgyu spoke after the painful and excruciating minute of silence.

“Can’t believe Mr. Kim still keeps that hideous picture of us up there.” Kai pointed to the featured wall.

Mr. Kim, your old manager, had a wall dedicated to employees of the month. Kai had been employee of the month for 3 months straight while you for 2. On a technicality, you were the only two people who worked for him for these 5 months. 

“Aw come on, at least you look cute in yours. I look like a sloth. Look at my eyebags.” You laughed. 

“I think you look pretty.” 

You looked up, locking eyes with Soobin who had just called you words you never thought you’d ever hear come out from his pretty little mouth. 

“Thank you?” You squeezed Beomgyu’s hand. 

“Thank you on behalf of my girlfriend. I guess I’ve finally found one thing we both can agree on.”

“Your eyebags were horrendous.” Taehyun brought up, shaking his head.

“They were.” You groaned, “You guys didn’t think to get me collagen masks for my birthday?”

“We got you something better.” Beomgyu said. “Remember?”

“You guys got me a custom pillow with Chris Evans on the front.” You sighed.

“THAT WASN’T MY IDEA!” Yeonjun yelled, “It was Soobin’s!” 

“Only because she said she wanted to marry him!” Soobin defended himself. “She was in love with him all throughout college!” 

“Well, it could still happen!” You fought.

“Doesn’t he already have a girlfriend?” Kai chuckled. “Oh wait a minute. Don’t YOU already have one?”

“I’m pretty sure Gyu would be okay with me leaving him for Chris Evans.” You giggled.

“Don’t worry. We have a pact. She can bump Chris Evans if I can bump Scarlett Johansson.” 

“They’re on our list.” You joked along.

It was strange. You felt like you were 18 again. Laughing away like nothing could hurt you. Like Soobin hadn’t left.

“So…um…Soobin, when’s the big wedding?” Yeonjun asked.

This got you interested. When was the big wedding? How did they even find time to fall in love between the 2 months of Soobin moving in? What happened to “she’s not even in this department” or “she didn’t have anything to do with my promotion?” You were having thoughts. Bitter thoughts.

“Next month.” Soobin answered.

The atmosphere died. Taehyun who was sitting beside you stiffened.

“We weren’t invited?” Taehyun spoke. He had always been the more direct one out of all of you. Though Beomgyu was talking shit most of the time, you still knew he had moments when he couldn’t naturally articulate his anger..

“Guys…”

A pregnant pause engulfed the entirety of the room. Taehyun sighed before finally bursting.

“No, seriously. First you leave us, and after 2 months you just stopped contacting us altogether. You got with someone you promised was a one night stand. You left our best friend waiting on your stupid fuckboy ass and didn’t update us about anything, came back 2 years later saying you’re getting married to said one night stand and didn’t invite us to your wedding? God…we were so off when we voted Yeonjun as the first person to leave the friend group.” Taehyun rambled.

“Hey! What the fuck. When did this voting take place?” Yeonjun gasped.

“On Gyu’s birthday but…holy shit, why’d you even wanna come hang with us?” Kai finally mustered the courage to talk.

“I missed you guys. I missed us. I’m sorry, I know I fucked up-”

“Fucked up doesn’t cut it. We’re clearly not as important as we thought we were.” Taehyun’s voice grew an inch louder. Accumulating stares from all around the diner, you cleared your throat and held Taehyun’s hand, “It’s okay.” 

“No. It’s not.” Soobin spoke, his voice filled with remorse. “Please…”

“Honest to God, I don’t even know why you’re holding your wedding back in Korea. Was New York too expensive for your pip pip cheerio girlfriend?” Yeonjun spoke.

“No. I-”

“Was New York out of people to backstab so you came back to Korea to do it to us twice?” Beomgyu scoffed.

The group erupted in laughter – with the exception of Soobin. Just like he was in the past, he didn’t like being the end of people’s jokes. 

“No. It’s because I’m moving back to Korea.” 

—--

You felt slightly defeated. All that talk, and you couldn’t even stay long enough for the food to arrive. You couldn’t, not with Soobin telling you that he was moving back permanently. With his fiancée. His future wife. God, you couldn’t even stomach that thought.

“Are you okay?” Beomgyu asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I don’t know how you want me to react, Gyu.”

Beomgyu sighed, pulling you closer to his chest. “You’re silly.”

“What?”

“For being so faithful to someone who has clearly forgotten about you.”

“Gyu, if you’re not done being an asshole th—”

“It’s been two years. He’s moved on. You should too. You deserve so much more than just waiting around crying over some mediocre guy.”

“Am I not good enough? Am I not worth the wait?” You finally broke. “The night he told me he’d be moving to New York… he told me I was worth it. I was worth the two years.”

You sighed, laying your head onto Beomgyu’s shoulder. You were mentally exhausted. Years of feeling like you weren’t chosen piled up, making you feel like you were a shitty person in every way.

You continued, “Just months later, I see on Instagram that he’s frolicking at tourist sites with the same girl he told me not to worry about. How am I supposed to feel? I know it’s been two years, and I know we weren’t even dating, but when I look at him, it feels like just yesterday he was telling me how pretty I looked wearing my stupid purple dress.” You took a pause, gasping for air after rambling to Beomgyu and crying while at it.

“God,” Beomgyu mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“What? You must think I’m pretty stupid.”

“What? Yeah. I do,” Beomgyu said.

“What the fuck. You’re supposed to be comforting me!”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Beomgyu sighed. “You’re better than this. You can’t be moping around forever. Sure, he was your first love, but it doesn’t mean he was your only love. You’re incredibly beautiful and have the purest heart, despite being a little devil at times. If Soobin doesn’t see what he’s missing out on, then maybe he wasn’t that great in the first place. Move on. You can do much better than being sad over a man.”

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, reeling the emotions back in.

What Beomgyu had said essentially pulled you back to reality. You corrected your posture and cleared your throat. “I’m sorry,” you repeated.

“You don’t have to be. I’m just say—”

“I know, and I needed that.” Leaning in closer to your best friend, you kissed both sides of his cheeks, feeling the warmth of his face between your lips and his skin. “I love you.”

“Mhm,” he mumbled, looking away from you.

“Hey, are you blushing?” you sang. You teasingly pulled his arm. “Come on. Let me see your face.”

“I’m not! You’re just so ugly. I had to turn away.”

“Oh, come on,” you rolled your eyes. “You know the thing you said about Soobin being my first love?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, he wasn’t,” you chuckled.

“Oh. Was it Yeonjun then?”

You shook your head. “No. He was never my type.”

“Don’t tell me,” he gasped. “Our baby Huening?”

“Gyu, be serious.”

Beomgyu gasped. “God, you know I never pegged you as a Taehyun kind of guy. Probably because he’s really smart, and you’re hanging by the thinnest thread.”

“First of all,” you flicked his forehead. “Secondly, why are you so sure it’s someone in our friend group?”

Beomgyu chuckled. “You don’t have any more guy friends besides us. Unless… this is your coming out story, which by the way, I’m totally supportive of.”

“It’s not,” you laughed. “Anyway, as I was saying…”

You kept mum. You weren’t sure if the revelation of what you were about to say would scare him off.

“Nevermind,” you cowered.

“What? Man, I hate it when you do this! You get me all interested only to say nevermind.”

“It’s not even that important!”

“Everything you say is important,” Beomgyu prodded.

“You’re just saying that because you wanna know!”

“Okay then tell me!”

“It’s just… you know,” you stuttered. “It was you.”

“Huh?”

“My first… love?” you cringed as you said it. You hadn’t expected to tell Beomgyu that, not after you’d just cried over his ex-best friend.

—----------------------

You first met Soobin’s friends when you were at his place. It was only about the 4th time you’ve ever been to Soobin’s. He had invited you under the guise of watching a movie he’d been too scared to watch alone. You weren’t exactly expecting company but here Beomgyu and Huening Kai were – at Soobin’s doorstep with jumbo sized packets of cheetos and three large sodas.

“Shit. We didn’t know you were gonna have company.” Beomgyu grinned at Soobin whose cheeks turned bright red.

“I literally told you guys in the group chat yesterday,” Soobin rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bag of chips out of Beomgyu’s arms. 

“Well, hello there.” Kai donned his infamous sheepish smile, extending a hand,  “I’m Huening Kai. You can call me Huening or Kai but people usually call me handsome kid.” 

“I’ll be sure to call you the latter then.” You giggled, accepting his hand shake.

Kai moved, walking toward the sofa and your eyes landed onto the person behind Kai. 

“Hi.” You breathed. He was quite literally the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid your eyes upon. Shaggy long hair, long lashes, eyes that sparkled brighter than the sun, his legs beating the distance from Earth to Mars. You were in love. 

“Hi, I’m Beomgyu!” He beamed. Even his smile was pretty. 

You managed to stutter your name out like the idiot you were.

Your personality had become a complete 0. It tended to do that when you were with someone you found extremely attractive. 

Soobin pulled you aside, “Why are you all fidgety and awkward?”

“I’m just…nervous.” 

“What? You were all happy and excited to see Kai but when Beo- oh my God. You think he’s cute, don’t you?”

“Shut up! He’s gonna think I’m weird!” You hit Soobin’s shoulders. “Please don’t make it awkward.”

“I won’t. Besides, I think you guys would be great together.” 

—-------

Along the way, Beomgyu had a couple of girls he had a crush on, all of them distinctly different from how you were. So different. You just figured you weren’t his type and gradually forgot about how you felt about him. However, the feeling came back every now and then he had done something sweet. But somehow, you managed to convince yourself that Beomgyu was just your platonic soulmate.

—----

“Do you think he likes me back?” You asked Soobin, who had his airpods in. 

“What? Did you say something?”

“Nothing.” You shook  your head, embarrassed that you’d even ask a question like that.

“Maybe.” Soobin answered.

“I thought you didn’t hear what I said.” You scoffed.

"I like it when you bring embarrassing shit up. Sue me," Soobin laughed. "Seriously, if you're that worried, just tell him you like him. If he doesn't feel the same, it's not a big deal. Gyu isn't the type to make things awkward with someone he doesn't want to lose."

“What if I make things awkward?”

“Oh 100% gonna happen if it goes south.” Soobin laughed.

“Scoobs…” You whined.

"But it won’t. Because you’re amazing. He’d be an idiot not to like you. What’s there not to like?" Soobin smiled. You didn’t really notice, but the smile faded as soon as you stood up to walk to the kitchen.

“You know what, maybe I will tell him I like him. Thanks, Soobin.” You grinned.

—

You hate to admit it but the whole fake dating thing had you thinking about what could’ve been and had inevitably forced you to revisit the feelings you once had for him. 

You and Beomgyu walked into the bar that Kai had been raving about for weeks. 

Scanning the rooftop for your friends, your eyes finally landed onto Taehyun who had been aggressively waving to the both of you. 

“Why the fuck are you guys holding hands? Soobin isn’t even here yet.” Kai smirked. “Unless…”

“Oh shut up.”  You deadpanned which made Kai’s grin wider. 

“We were just practising.” Beomgyu said. 

—

“Beomgyu, I like you.” You said, staring at yourself in the mirror. The goofy look plastered on your face didn’t help ease any of your anxiety.

“That’s it?” Soobin sighed, “Where’s the heart?”

“Scoobs, I can barely talk to him or look him in the eye. How romantic do you think this confession should be?”

“Look…I’ve already told the boys. We’re all gonna back out from movie night last minute and the two of you are gonna be alone. We’ve practically set up the perfect date for the two of you!” Soobin yelled.

“I hardly think seeing a movie about apes is romantic.”

“Well, Kai picked the movie before we even planned the date so…”

“This is ridiculous.” 

Soobin and the rest of the boys were stationed a few feet away from you. All in dark disguises, shielding themselves from Beomgyu who could potentially be anywhere.

“This is ridiculous.” You whispered through your airpods.

“You look great.” Taehyun gave you a thumbs up from 5 feet away.

“He’s gonna know something’s up!”

“Why? Just because you’re wearing a cute purple dress and you’re finally not in sweats and don’t look like a homeless person?” Yeonjun wondered aloud.

“What I need is encouragement.” You sneered.

“You look beautiful.” Soobin mumbled. “Really.”

You looked up and saw Soobin offering you a tiny smile. You grinned as your anxiety lowered. 

“FUCK, HE’S HERE!” Kai panicked into the mic, jumping behind a large poster.

“There you are! I’ve called you like 5 times but it keeps hanging up on me. Are you on another call?” Beomgyu asked.

“Uh…” You shook your head. “No! I guess something’s wrong with my phone.” You chuckled awkwardly.

“Well, get this, the boys ditched movie night.” Beomgyu rolled his eyes.

“We can go home if you want.” You blurted.

“What? No! We can still have fun.  We don’t need those idiots.” 

“So you still wanna catch this movie?” 

“God, no.” Beomgyu shook his head. “I’m slightly thankful Kai isn’t here because then I wouldn’t have to watch that shit.” 

“Tell him you like him.” You heard Kai’s voice echo through your AirPods.

“No,” you said aloud.

“What?”

“Oh! I said, 'Oh!'” You laughed awkwardly.

“Just tell him already. I’m getting bored,” Kai repeated.

“Beomgyu. I need to tell you something.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Gyu. I li-”

“GYUBEAR!” A girl screamed, prancing in to hug Beomgyu.

You froze, the words caught in your throat as you watched Beomgyu wrap his arms around the new girl, smiling brightly at her. With a forced smile, you turned away, hiding the disappointment that gripped your chest.

"Who... who is this?" you asked, feeling a knot of confusion tightening in your chest.

"This is Rina. She's my new girlfriend," Beomgyu grinned, his smile widening as he introduced her.

She looked...wildly different from how you did. Just like the rest of the girls Beomgyu had previously dated. Nothing like you.

Your heart sank at his words, the weight of missed opportunity pressing down on you. You forced a smile, trying to hide your disappointment. "Oh, hi Rina!" you managed to say, though your voice wavered slightly.

Rina beamed at you, oblivious to the turmoil inside you. "Nice to meet you! Beomgyu talks about you all the time," she said cheerfully, squeezing Beomgyu's hand affectionately.

You nodded, feeling a lump form in your throat. Kai's voice echoed in your mind, urging you to confess your feelings, but now it felt too late. You glanced at Beomgyu, trying to mask your emotions behind a facade of happiness for him. "I'm really happy for you both," you said softly, your smile feeling more forced than ever.

Beomgyu looked at you with a hint of concern in his eyes, noticing the change in your demeanor. "Thanks," he said gently, reaching out to touch your arm briefly.

“Oh right, what were you gonna say?” Beomgyu asked, his voice filled with curiosity as he turned his attention back to you, oblivious to the turmoil raging within you.

You hesitated for a moment, caught off guard by his question. The truth hung heavy in the air, but with Rina standing there, her hand still intertwined with Beomgyu's, it felt like a betrayal to admit your feelings now.

"It's nothing," you replied with a forced smile, shaking your head slightly. "Just... congratulations again on your relationship with Rina. I'm really happy for you."

Beomgyu frowned slightly, sensing something unsaid in your response. "Are you sure?" he asked gently, concern evident in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure," you insisted, trying to sound convincing. "It was nice meeting you, Rina. I’m gonna get some popcorn. Or go to the toilet actually.” You laughed.

As you retreated to the concession stand, you couldn't shake the feeling of regret and sadness. Kai's voice echoed in your mind once more, urging you to be honest with yourself and with Beomgyu. But now, it felt like too little, too late.

You leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths to steady yourself. The weight of unspoken words and missed chances hung heavily on your heart, leaving you grappling with what could have been if only you had spoken up sooner.

–

“Well if it isn’t my favourite couple!” Yeonjun grinned as he wrapped his long lanky arms across you and Beomgyu’s shoulder. 

“Why are we here again?” Taehyun sighed. “Thought we were done with him.”

“Unfortunately I don’t think we’ll be getting rid of the devil any time soon.” Beomgyu mumbled, his hands still around your waist.

The five of you gazed upon the tall fucking building that Soobin had invited all of you to. His pre-wedding party. A day you dreaded. You didn’t understand why he bothered inviting the lot of you. You weren’t friends well at least not anymore. 

The room was decorated in the colours cobalt blue with tiny tinges of gold which made you gag.

“Stop looking so…” Kai thought as he looked at you. He paused, unable to find words to describe the sad look on your face.

“Ugly?” Yeonjun muttered.

“I was going to say worried.”

“We do NOT need this type of negative energy tonight. We are out here as sworn brothers.” Taehyun spoke before looking at you, “And sister! Tonight we breach the enemy’s headquarters but we shall rise above all else and make it out alive.”

“Y’know she’s allowed to feel whatever she’s feeling.” Beomgyu said, surprising everyone. 

“A level headed response from our group’s own comedic legend? Ladies and gentlemen, we have officially landed in Neverland.” Yeonjun said. 

“Shut up, asshat.” Beomgyu deadpanned, “I just think we should be supportive friends tonight.”

“I’m fine, Gyu. Thanks. Actually, I’m feeling fine. Sure, the person I once loved is marrying someone else. Sure, I was in love with him for like a billion years. Sure, it hurts to see him standing there with a beautiful girl in his arms with a hundred people congratulating him.” 

“Once loved? Clear improvement! Applause for our friend who has matured.” Kai cheered.

“Any other positives there?” Yeonjun asked.

“Yeah. I still have you guys!” You beamed. “4 equally annoying, equally shitty assholes that somehow manage to make everything a little bit better!” 

“But like…you like me better though right?” Kai coughed.

“Meh.” 

Just a few moments later, you found yourself situated in the balcony, getting fresh air away from well everyone and everything. Beomgyu appeared behind you.

“Hey.”

"Hey," you replied softly, not turning to face Beomgyu. The city lights sprawled out before you, a sea of twinkling distractions that offered solace from the chaotic scene inside.

Beomgyu leaned against the balcony railing beside you, his presence a comforting weight in the tense air. "You doing okay?"

You nodded, but the knot in your stomach betrayed your attempt at nonchalance. "Yeah, just... wasn't expecting all this, you know?"

"Yeah," Beomgyu sighed, his voice tinged with understanding. "It's a lot to take in."

You finally turned to look at him, catching the sincerity in his eyes. Despite the teasing and banter among your friends, Beomgyu's gaze held an unwavering concern that spoke volumes. "Thanks Gyu for always being here for me." you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Always," he replied softly, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Even if we're forced into attending devil's parties."

You chuckled weakly, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. "Seriously, though. You...all of you have been my rocks through all of this."

"We're always here," Beomgyu reassured you, his voice gentle. "No matter what."

The sincerity in his words warmed you, and for a fleeting moment, the weight on your chest felt a little lighter. "I appreciate that," you admitted, turning your gaze back to the city lights.

Silence settled between you, comfortable and companionable. The night breeze swept around the balcony, carrying away some of the tension that had built up inside you.

Beomgyu chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners with genuine warmth. "No tears today though? Impressive."

"Or maybe I've just reached the peak of emotional numbness," you joked, though there was a hint of truth in your words.

He nudged your shoulder playfully. "Nah. You've always been resilient, even when things get tough."

You tilted your head, considering his words. "Maybe you're right. I guess I've spent enough time wallowing."

"Exactly," Beomgyu nodded, his voice earnest. "It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling, but it's also okay to move forward."

"Besides, there are plenty of other fish in the sea," you added with a wry smile, trying to inject a bit of levity into the moment.

Beomgyu chuckled softly. "Exactly. And who knows, maybe one of those fish will surprise you."

You nodded thoughtfully, appreciating his attempt to lighten the mood. "Yeah, maybe."

Beomgyu looked over to you. He found you especially pretty that night. He pinched himself.

'Don't make a move on her, you idiot.' He thought to himself.

Beomgyu cleared his throat, suddenly feeling self-conscious under your gaze.

"So, any particular fish caught your eye tonight?" he asked with a playful grin.

 "I don't know so far the only fish worth seeing is you."

Your playful remark caught Beomgyu off guard, causing a slight blush to rise to his cheeks. He chuckled nervously, his playful grin faltering for a moment as he processed your words.

"Smooth," he managed to reply, his tone a mix of surprise and amusement. "But seriously, I hope I'm not the only fish you're stuck with tonight."

You laughed softly, appreciating his attempt to lighten the mood once more. "If I'm being honest, you're the only fish I'd want to be stuck with tonight."

Beomgyu's smile widened, a warmth spreading through him at your words. "I'm honoured," he replied sincerely, his gaze softening as he looked at you.

"You don't have to thank me too much though," he finally said, his voice gentle. "Being there for you, supporting you—it's just what friends do, right?"

"Right...friends..." Your voice trailed off, sensing a shift in the atmosphere between you and Beomgyu. The word "friends" hung in the air.

Beomgyu hesitated, his gaze flickering between your eyes as if searching for something. "Yeah," he agreed softly, his tone thoughtful. "Friends."

—

The five of you didn’t spend long there. In fact, none of you even bothered waiting for Soobin to make his obligatory rounds to your group. Within 20 minutes, you eagerly departed for the nearest diner around the corner.

The air was still, the night unusually calm. Your heart had raced furiously earlier, but now you felt surprisingly composed. A bit melancholic before the party, perhaps, but now? You were okay.

You exchanged glances with your four friends, then locked eyes with Beomgyu.

Ah, Beomgyu. Your rock. Your closest friend in the world. Secretly, you knew you probably favored him over the others. Though you’d never admit it to Kai. Beomgyu was amazing. Wonderful. Handsome. Kind. Funny.

You shook your head forcefully.

No. He’s your best friend. You can’t, shouldn’t, and won’t fall for ANOTHER best friend, especially one who you know would never feel the same way.

But his hair... so well-kept, smelling faintly of peaches.

Nope. Not today!

His lips... soft, plump, and so...

“Dude,” Yeonjun interrupted, nudging you.

“Huh? What?” You snapped out of your reverie, jolted back to reality.

“Your order?” Yeonjun nodded towards the server.

“Oh, right!”

—

It was late at night, and the world outside had quieted down to a gentle hum. You lay in bed, bathed in the soft glow of your bedside lamp. Tonight, however, your mind kept circling back to one person: Beomgyu.

You couldn't shake the memories of the day, the way Beomgyu's laughter had echoed in your mind, his smile etched vividly in your thoughts.

As you lay there, thoughts tangled and emotions swirling, you realised with a sudden clarity that your feelings for Beomgyu had resurfaced. Your heart skipped a beat at the realisation, and you couldn't deny the surge of excitement mixed with apprehension.

But you knew better than to let yourself fall for him again. You remembered the pain of unrequited love, the heartache of hoping for something that couldn't be. You couldn't bear the thought of opening up your heart once more, only to risk getting hurt all over again.

With a sigh, you pushed aside those burgeoning feelings, burying them deep within as a protective measure. You reminded yourself of the importance of guarding your heart, of prioritising your own emotional well-being.

Except... you weren't one to prioritise your own well-being. You were drawn to the allure of risking it all, of plunging into the unknown even when it meant potential heartache.

So there you were, wide awake in the stillness of the night, wrestling with an irrational urge to head over to Beomgyu's house and confess your sudden realisation of feelings.

The thought gnawed at you, refusing to be ignored. What if this time was different? What if Beomgyu felt the same way? The uncertainty was both terrifying and exhilarating, stirring a whirlwind of emotions within you.

Before you could overthink it further, you found yourself grabbing your keys and slipping out into the quiet darkness. The drive to Beomgyu's house was a blur, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you wrestled with doubts and hopes in equal measure.

Arriving at his doorstep, you hesitated for a moment, your heart pounding against your chest. With a deep breath to steady yourself, you knocked softly, the sound echoing in the silence of the night.

—--

As soon as Beomgyu arrived home, he climbed onto his bed and slid under the covers. The events of the evening replayed in his mind like a movie on repeat, each scene vivid and etched with emotions he struggled to make sense of..

Having active and lively monologues was a frequent occurrence. Sure, it helped him rationalize his thoughts and emotions, but it also bruised his ego and dragged him into the depths of despair when he realized how chaotic his own thoughts and emotions were, beyond rescue.

Dear God, how he wished he had no emotions whatsoever. 

Bzzz.

Gyu: You okay?  You: Yep. Why are you still awake? It’s 3. Gyu: Could say the same to you.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard.

He typed, “Wanna come over?”. He erased the message and shook his head.

He typed again, “I’m feeling kinda lonely and I miss you. Come over?” He erased the message and let out a sigh in frustration.

 He typed again, “I think I like you.” He erased the message and screamed into his pillow. 

Bzzz.

You: Open the door.

Beomgyu walked over to his door and there you were, in the flesh, almost as if he manifested it.

“What... what are you doing here?”

“Look… I’m done,” you sighed, your voice trembling with emotion. “I can’t be your pretend girlfriend anymore. I don’t want to keep lying to everyone.”

“What... what’s the sudden—”

“I should’ve done this a long time ago. I should’ve told you the truth and I should’ve been more brave about my feelings. If I've learnt anything from the situation with Soobin is that I've spent too long wallowing in being fearful I'd get rejected but -”

“What?”

"That movie night years ago with that Rina girl... I had feelings for you. Strong ones," you admitted, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I had planned to tell you that night."

Beomgyu gazed at you, his face a blend of surprise and confusion. His thoughts raced, connecting dots from the past, comprehending the unspoken tension and meaningful glances between you.

"I... I had no idea," he finally murmured, his voice barely audible.

“I know,” you nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. “But now you do.”

The room fell silent, tension thick in the air as you both stood there, words hanging between you like a delicate thread.

"And... tonight... I was in bed. I was doing a lot of thinking," you continued, your voice steadying as you gathered your thoughts. "I thought of Soobin, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm glad he's getting married and I'm glad he's happy. I've been holding onto my resentment towards him, but it's time to let that go. It was a dick move for him to move on so quickly from what could've been, but he fell in love. I couldn't... I couldn't possibly stand in the way of love."

Beomgyu listened intently, trying to grasp the significance of your words as they hung in the air between you.

"I don't understand—" he started to say.

"And then... I thought of you," you interrupted softly, your gaze meeting his with a mixture of vulnerability and determination. "I thought about what you've done for me in the past few years. The moments we've shared, the laughter, the support. What we have..."

Beomgyu's expression softened, his eyes searching for understanding. "What about it?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I realised..." you began, your voice wavering slightly as you laid bare the truth of your heart. "I realised that I've been denying myself something real. Something I've wanted for so long but was too afraid to admit."

A flicker of hope lit up in Beomgyu's eyes, a spark of understanding dawning on him as he processed your confession.

“I know you don’t feel the same way but–” you started, your voice faltering as you braced yourself for the inevitable letdown.

Beomgyu's brows furrowed slightly, his expression shifting from anticipation to concern. "Wait," he interrupted softly, reaching out to gently grasp your hands in his. "Don't assume what I feel."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, uncertainty mingling with a glimmer of hope. "But you never said..." you trailed off, unable to hide the vulnerability in your voice.

Beomgyu took a deep breath, his gaze steady as he searched for the right words. "I've been afraid," he confessed quietly. "Afraid of losing our friendship, of making things awkward between us. You may not know this but I've...loved you. For as long as I can remember. You constantly talked about Soobin. You were in love with him, for Pete's sake. I couldn't...I couldn't do that to either of you."

Your heart sank, burdened by unspoken fears and missed opportunities. "Oh," you murmured, struggling to steady your voice amidst a whirlwind of emotions. "But the girls... Look, one reason I've hesitated to tell you how much I like you is because of how different the girls you've dated are from who I am. We're...literal opposites."

"Look every girl I possibly dated, if they had at least a single common trait that you had? I’d immediate associate them with you. In my mind, there is no one BUT you." He sighed.

"And," Beomgyu interjected softly, gently squeezing your hands, "that doesn't mean I haven't thought about... about us and what might have been.""

"You have?" you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Beomgyu nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yeah," he admitted, his eyes never leaving yours. "I've thought about what it would be like if we took that step."

Your breath caught in your throat, a mix of relief and joy flooding through you. "So... what does that mean?" you asked softly, needing to hear him say the words.

Beomgyu took a step closer, closing the gap between you until you were standing inches apart. "It means," he began, his voice tinged with both apprehension and determination, "that I like you. More than I've admitted before. In fact, Yeonjun probably has written a book about all the times I’ve called him to giggle over every interaction we’ve had.” 

You couldn't help but chuckle at his admission, a wave of affection washing over you. "Really?" you teased back, your heart fluttering with newfound hope.

“So what happens now? Soobin…” Beomgyu’s voice trailed off.

“Is in the past,” you replied firmly, meeting his gaze with unwavering determination. “Whatever happened with Soobin doesn’t matter anymore. This is about us, right here, right now.”

“Bro, you are sooo in love with me.” Beomgyu teased.

"Well, maybe just a little," you admitted with a shy smile, your heart beating a little faster as you looked into his eyes.

Beomgyu's expression softened, his gaze unwavering as he reached out to gently cup your cheek. "I'm glad you're here, you know? I've wanted to say this for a while."

Your breath caught at his touch, the sincerity in his voice stirring something deep within you. "I'm glad too," you replied softly, leaning into his hand.

He hesitated for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "I... I don't want to rush things. But I also don't want to hold back anymore."

"I understand," you nodded, your fingers lightly tracing patterns on his chest. "We'll take it one step at a time."

Beomgyu smiled, his eyes bright with affection. "One step at a time," he echoed, leaning in closer until his forehead rested against yours. "Thank you for being patient with me."

Your eyes fluttered to his lips. “I know we said slow but like…” You looked back at his lips.

Before you could finish your sentence, Beomgyu closed the remaining distance between you, capturing your lips in a tender kiss. The world seemed to fade away as his warmth enveloped you, melting any remaining hesitation. His lips moved against yours with a gentle urgency, as if every moment they weren't touching was a missed opportunity.

You responded eagerly, your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened.

When you finally pulled back, breathless and flushed, Beomgyu rested his forehead against yours. His hand found yours, fingers intertwining as if to anchor you both in this shared reality.

"I'm sorry," he murmured softly, his voice tinged with emotion. "I couldn't wait any longer."

“So should we tell Yeonjun? I fear he’s probably the most excited that we finally happened.” 

Beomgyu chuckled softly, his forehead still resting against yours as he considered your question. His thumb traced gentle circles on the back of your hand, a silent reassurance in his touch.

"I think Yeonjun might have guessed already," he replied with a teasing grin, his eyes opening to meet yours. "But we should definitely tell him. And the others too. They've been rooting for us, in their own unique ways."

You nodded, a smile spreading across your face at the thought of sharing your happiness with your friends. "They'll be thrilled," you agreed, squeezing his hand affectionately.

—

It’d been a day or two since the two of you confessed to one another. You wouldn’t call yourselves official but you did spend the entire two days…well let’s just say, you’d be forced to wear a turtleneck all week.

"Gyu, I swear to God, you're an idiot," you muttered under your breath as you carefully applied another layer of foundation to your neck.

"What?" Beomgyu replied, his tone teasing and smug.

You shot him a playful glare in the mirror. "You've given me the biggest hickey ever. I'm going to have to wear a turtleneck all week just to hide it."

Beomgyu chuckled, unapologetic. "I couldn't help it."

Rolling your eyes, you finished blending the makeup and turned to face him. "Well, I hope you're happy. I look like I got attacked by a vampire."

"Maybe I am a vampire," Beomgyu quipped, leaning in to kiss you on the cheek.

You swatted him away playfully. "You're lucky I like you so much."

"Well...its about time we spill the beans." Beomgyu spoke.

"What beans?" you asked, raising an eyebrow in mock suspicion.

Beomgyu's eyes twinkled with excitement. "About us, of course. I think it's time everyone knows."

"Us? I'm sorry... I don't recall you ever asking me to be... um... yours," you replied, trying to lighten the moment with a teasing tone. Beomgyu blinked, momentarily taken aback by your response. He chuckled softly, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Well, maybe I haven't formally asked yet, but... I thought we were on the same page."

You raised an eyebrow playfully. "Oh, is that so? And what page is that, exactly?"

He took a step closer, his expression earnest. "The page where we're Snow White and the prince and we live happily ever after without having to ask, 'Wanna be my girlfriend?'"

You chuckled at Beomgyu's whimsical analogy, feeling a mix of amusement and affection for his earnestness.

"Snow White and the prince, huh?" you mused, your teasing tone softening into a smile. "That's quite the fairy tale you're painting."

Beomgyu nodded, a shy smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, well... I guess I just thought... with everything between us..."

You studied his expression, seeing the vulnerability behind his playful facade. "Hey, I get it," you reassured him gently, reaching out to lightly touch his arm. "And you're right. We've been dancing around this for a while now."

He nodded again, his gaze meeting yours with a mix of hope and uncertainty. "So... does this mean...?"

You chuckled softly, feeling your heart swell with warmth. "It means I'm willing to give this fairy tale a shot," you said softly, a playful glint in your eye. "But you still owe me a proper date, somewhere that doesn’t involve us immediately having our clothes off within the first 5 minutes of the movie, prince charming."

Beomgyu's face lit up with relief and happiness, his arms instinctively pulling you into a warm embrace. "Deal," he murmured against your hair. "but maybe if you weren't so sexy I wouldn't be doing all that in the first place."

"So you're saying I should be glad?" You rolled your eyes.

—

The boys were seated across from you, their banter filling the air with a familiar comfort.

“Guys… Beomgyu and I have an announcement,” you declared, your voice slicing through their chatter.

Yeonjun glanced up first, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Oh? What’s up?"

Kai nudged him playfully. "Finally gonna admit you’re dating?"

Beomgyu chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, actually..."

“NO FUCKING WAY! I TOLD YOU THOSE WERE HICKEYS AND YOU WERE LIKE… ‘no she just hurt herself with a curling iron…’” Kai yelled, his voice filled with mock indignation.

“Yes, Kai, tell the whole damn world about the hickeys on my neck,” you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

“Sorry,” Kai muttered sheepishly, realising he may have overstepped.

“I’m so glad. I’ve been tired of hearing Beomgyu complain over his unrequited crush on you for years. Like thank God, you shut this bitch up.” Yeonjun grinned. 

The banter continued, laughter echoing around the table as Beomgyu blushed slightly at Kai's teasing. "Hey, it wasn't that bad," he protested weakly, shooting a playful glare at Yeonjun.

Yeonjun leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So, does this mean we're finally going to get invited to a wedding?"

You chuckled, shaking your head at their antics. "Let's get through the first date without any disasters, and then we can talk about weddings."

Taehyun, ever the voice of reason, raised an eyebrow. "You mean the first date where you won't have hickeys all over your neck?"

You groaned, burying your face in your hands as the table erupted in laughter again. Beomgyu squeezed your hand under the table, his eyes filled with affection and amusement. Despite the teasing and the playful banter, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the camaraderie and support of your friends.

"Yeah, yeah," you sighed dramatically, smiling despite yourself. "Next time, I'll make sure to use a better cover story."

As the laughter subsided, Beomgyu leaned in closer to you, his voice soft and sincere. "Thank you for putting up with these idiots."

You squeezed his hand back, feeling a rush of warmth at his touch. "Anytime," you replied with a smile, knowing that with Beomgyu by your side, even the teasing and the unexpected could be turned into moments of joy and connection.

---------

Beomgyu shuffled his feet, knocking on Soobin's door. "OPEN UP, DUMBASS!"

The door swung open, revealing Soobin in a worn-out shirt. Behind Soobin stood a person Beomgyu had never seen before.

“Shit. We didn’t know you were gonna have company.” Beomgyu grinned at Soobin.

“I literally told you guys in the group chat yesterday,” Soobin rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bag of chips out of Beomgyu’s arms.

“Well, hello there.” Kai donned his infamous sheepish smile, extending a hand, “I’m Huening Kai. You can call me Huening or Kai but people usually call me handsome kid.”

“I’ll be sure to call you the latter then.” You giggled, accepting his handshake.

Beomgyu placed the bags of snacks on the table and walked over to the new person Soobin had been raving about. He finally looked over to you and... you were... well, stunning. Your eyes were deep and expressive, drawing him in, while your smile both shy and captivating.

His hands, which had already opened a bag of chips, stopped as he took a moment to appreciate her beauty before getting snapped back into reality.

“Hi.” You said, introducing yourself.

“Hi, I’m Beomgyu!” He smiled, a little nervous. His mind blanked, and he didn't know how else to continue the conversation.

The pause lingered for a heartbeat too long, making the air feel thick with anticipation. Beomgyu could feel his cheeks warming up, but he tried to keep his composure.

Soobin pulled you aside, whispering something to you before pulling you into the kitchen to prepare snacks.

"Dude, you're staring. I hope you choke on a fly." Kai chuckled.

Beomgyu snapped out of his daze and shot Kai an embarrassed look.

"Shut up."

Kai chuckled, clearly enjoying Beomgyu’s discomfort. “I’m just saying, if you keep looking at her like that, you might as well introduce yourself as ‘the guy who couldn’t stop staring.’”

Beomgyu rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips. “Whatever. She’s just... really pretty.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Kai teased, nudging Beomgyu with his elbow. “But don’t worry, you didn’t make it too obvious.”

“Great,” Beomgyu muttered sarcastically. “Let’s just get through tonight without me embarrassing myself further.”

Kai patted him on the back. “You’ll be fine. Just be yourself.”

As Beomgyu watched you and Soobin laughing together in the kitchen, he took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, just be myself.”

[assiraphales]

What baffles me about zosan isn't that it's popular, bc people will always love enemies/rivals-to-lovers; what i find crazy is that it's the most famous ship in op out there like, the numbers in ao3 for instance, they're insanely high compared to other ships. I don't get it man what am i missing???

as u may know I am "playing in my sandpit ignoring the other sandpits until someone throws a shovel at my head" type of blogger when it comes to ships BUT I will say I have no idea. i have no idea. one thing about me is i will never ever ever be choosing enemies/rivals over the soft "i would die for you I understand u like no one else you make my journey better you are my soulmate (platonic or romantic)" pairing. its just never going to happen. I didn't go into op expecting to have a ship but as soon as I saw zoro heave the cage luffy was in over his head with a stab wound in his stomach (after watching luffy sail across the ocean for the demon pirate hunter) I knew it was all over for me. I couldn't even entertain the other ship(s).

I will say. TENTATIVELY AND VERY QUIETLY. that while I support other ships u go honey boo boo ship what u want. I don't like the way that side of the fandom can at times twist canon? which we all do from time to time (myself included) but one particular moment that was weird to me was when ppl were mad that zolu got so much attention in the live action (which godbless the zolu numbers are strengthening by the day) bc it "focused on the wrong relationships" and I...... I hate to break it but canonically zoro and luffy and the romance dawn trio are so integral. there's also the fact that people will say "you can't ship luffy because luffy is aroace" almost exclusively only when zoro is involved. which is a conversation in itself that i'd need a second cup of coffee for.

sidenote: also sanuso ??? being dismissed ????? and people saying they can't see it???? u can love ur rival to lovers ship all u want but it doesn't stop the fact that usopp is sanji's babygirl and their relationship can be SO flirty.

long story short idk i feel like zsn was just the name brand ship for so long (and from what i've gathered there was a certain level of taboo to certain other ones). I can't speak for other platforms but at least tumblr content wise the smaller ships are getting a bigger presence

[maliland]

RESENTMENT: PT. 1

"i gotta look her in her eyes and see she's had half of me." part two

barbie(s): e-42 miles morales & black fem reader includes: flashbacks/backstory stuff, angst, infidelity, homewrecking, & heartbreak (men being disappointments per usual) synopsis: you used to describe your experience with love as one of complexity and simplicity all at once, but after you learn what your boyfriend did at a party with another girl while you were at home and sick, your heart is left with irreparable damage and an abundance of resentment. wc: 2669 banner credz: @/cafekitsune

a/n: first fic on this ho 😓 nervous. idk if i like this so i was procrastinating.. but lmk what y’all think! 🫣 i’ll post a post a poll the end of the fic. if y’all like it then i’ll finish up the second part and post it whenever i get a chance. i haven't proof read, but i'll fix any mistakes when i do.

(nd let me ease your nerves: this is not a fic where miles cheats on reader w/ gwen. she isn’t included in or mentioned in this part or the next 😭)

unfaithfulness might as well be a disease. not one that can be contracted, but one that stems from within. 

those who are unfaithful are unequivocally the weakest links. you? you've always presumed them to be snakes that were to join lucifer on earth at the very beginning of time, because they'd rather cause havoc and jeopardize how those they love perceive them rather than relish eternal peace in the clouds. had adam and eve left the forbidden fruit alone, the one thing that those unfaithful could've stayed faithful to was their identity as whispering serpents. alas, that's not how the story goes. and for the sake of free will, god decided they should reside on earth with those who know nothing but faith. 

betrayal isn't limited to one kind of person. whether the relationship is romantic or platonic, anyone can smile in your face, only to turn around and drive a pre-sharpened knife right through your back when you least expect it. you're left to bleed out while you try and make sense of why it had to be you.

you've been double-crossed before, but never bad enough to the point where you needed to make a huge deal out of it. it was usually stupid stuff, like your elementary friends ratting out your genius hiding spot during hide and seek after they got found, or your mom revoking her promise to take you to the park that one day after school when you were younger. your ex-best friend from middle school spreading nasty rumors about you was far more serious than all the other instances, and it was probably the worst one until now. 

you know that girls and guys alike get cheated on. you've heard stories and even seen it happen firsthand. infidelity occurs more frequently than you initially thought it did. then again, you tried not to think about it much because you were positive it would never happen to you. ever. especially not with your boyfriend, miles.

that was your first mistake—thinking you were immune.

you wanted to gauge your eyes out when your best friend video called you and showed you that photo of miles kissing another girl in a bedroom at a halloween party. 

the girl you were once worried about.

❤︎₊ ⊹

when you were younger, you were in love with the idea of being in love. 

many of your earliest memories consisted of your father reading you fairytales right before bed, since your mother was never around to do so. when he learned that you took a liking to stories that were more centered around love, he began to look for various fairytales pertaining to such that he could read to you. you adored how the love interests would always end up together by the end of each and every story. after enduring all the conflict getting in the way of their relationship thriving, it felt like a reward. you always felt secure knowing a happy ending was guaranteed no matter what transpired throughout the story. you liked that security, but your obsession with it inevitably flawed your perception of love itself. you grew up under the impression that love in the reality in which you reside wouldn't be all that different from the fairytales.

it hurt you when you finally discovered that that wasn't the case. in eighth grade, you had asked your crush to the winter formal. he had harshly rejected you, cracking the most heartless jokes in addition, in attempt to impress his friends, who were indeed laughing up a storm. that encounter alone was enough to ground you to earth. you discovered how disappointing the world and its inhabitants truly were, and how the unrealistic fairytales you once swooned over would never be real life. maybe it was insane of you to ever even think so, given the perilous city you live in.

seeing as dating these days is more detrimental than beneficial, during your sophomore year of high school, you decided that you'd steer clear from being romantically involved in any way, shape, or form entirely. of course, the universe always sends you someone or something you stopped wishing for ages ago when you least expect it. maybe something you didn't even long for anymore at all. you were perfectly okay with sticking to romance novels. you sure didn't want to put your peace on the line, especially not in the name of romance—but someone changed that.

miles.

you knew of his existence before you started dating him, but only briefly. you had an algebra class together your sophomore year, but the boy was quite reserved, only speaking when spoken to. trying to keep to himself and stay out of your school's public eye completely backfired on him, because he became the topic of everyone's conversations multiple times for a full week after his father, the former police captain, passed away. 

officer morales' death was a humbling reminder that brooklyn would only continue to grow more and more minacious. you haven't gone for a walk at night by yourself for as long as you can remember. you'd either be mugged, killed, or both. on the streets of new york, there was peril lurking around every corner. the city has more loose criminals than you were able to count on your fingers. you got used to living in such an environment, but your arm hairs never did stop shooting up whenever you had to step outside.

you recall giving your condolences to miles when he returned to school two weeks later. he had just nodded. you couldn't blame him though. everyone was constantly reminding him of something he'd rather not think about.

if he wasn't reticent and constrained to silence before, he was sure as hell was now. you tried your luck with him anyway, though.

whenever you'd see him sketching in his sketchbook in algebra, you'd compliment his skill or ask him what he was drawing. maybe it seemed a little invasive at the time, but your heart was in the right place. 

"i didn't know you could draw," you whispered to him. your desk was right next to his, so ignoring you wasn't really an option.

"yeah."

"that's cool, art takes skill—and patience," you had smiled.

"mhm."

you fell into a routine of asking miles what he was drawing every day in class. he was undoubtedly annoyed by it at first, but he eventually got used to it, and you finally got more than a one-word response. it was this conversation in particular that changed the way miles saw you.

"is that the prowler's suit you're drawing?" you whispered, surveying the page.

miles nodded and responded flatly. "yeah."

"i think it looks cool. i really like his suit design," you retorted. "especially the purple."

"you do?" he stopped drawing completely and looked up at you.

"hell yeah," you expressed with a faint grin. "he may be a criminal or whatever, but you gotta admit, his suit and his tech are pretty neat."

so then you two were friends for a couple of months. you'd do things like eat dinner at his house, help around the flat, and study together. surprisingly, miles' mom, rio, took a liking to you. she even taught you how to cook, and would let you assist with fixing dinner. 

miles had it was rare for his mama to warm up to people as fast as she did to you, and that made you feel special.

within the period of time in which you and miles would hang out, you ended up catching feelings for him, which you pushed to the side without a second thought. you still firmly believed that a relationship would bring you nothing but trouble. what you didn't know was that miles felt the same way about you as you did him, and eventually, he decided that he couldn't hide his feelings for you anymore.

miles confessed to you one night under the water tower on the roof of his apartment complex. you'd been watching the sun go down together and talking about whatever came to mind. you could've gazed into his perfectly sculpted face until the end of time. you doted on the way his eyes glowed gold when the sun hit them just right.

"you helped me open up. i didn't think that was something i was capable of doing anymore," he had told you. "i really do like you, [name]."

though you were terrified of putting yourself in a position to be played, you didn't want to say no, so you didn't. 

for the two years you've been with miles, you've never not trusted him. he's never given you a reason not to. he's always treated you like royalty, practically kneeling at your feet like being in your presence was a reward all by itself—at least that's what you felt like being his girlfriend equated to. 

it's no secret that miles tends to capture the attention of numerous girls without ever even having to try, whether they went to your school or simply passed him by on the street. miles didn't even have to lift a finger to have them drooling.

when you two got together, you didn't announce your relationship to the public like you were some kind of celebrity couple. that didn't stop people from gossiping like you were, though. according to everyone who went to visions, "miles and [name] popped out with each other out of nowhere!" and that was okay with you. nobody needed to know the ins and outs of you two's relationship. unfortunately, the obvious fact that you and miles were together didn't stop girls from constantly trying to have their way with him—one girl in particular was more persistent than the rest.

you'd be lying through your teeth if you said it didn't bother you at first, because it made you sick to your stomach. the thought of miles leaving you for one of those girls was one you couldn't bear. 

you vividly recall standing beside miles while he was situating his books in his locker before a girl who was well-known around campus, arielle, approached your boyfriend on the opposite side and 'not-so-subtly' flirted with him like you weren't even there. it was no secret that she didn't like you, so you were stuck between trying to figure out if she actually liked miles or was just trying to get under your skin. all you knew was the way she was twirling her perfectly spiraled, bouncy, brown curls around her index while she bit her lip bottom had you undeniably heated. 

"so miles, i've been learning how to braid hair," she had said. "honestly, i think i've pretty much mastered it. i want to practice cornrows... problem is, i couldn't find anyone with the type of hair i prefer to practice on, but then i saw you!"

you had to turn around and face the opposite direction just to hide the distaste that hastily painted your once-neutral expression. you brought your arm to your mouth and coughed twice so it wouldn't look like you were turning around for no reason. when you turned back around, arielle was looking you dead in the eyes, like you had done something horrible to her. you were surprised that she decided to give you even a fraction of her attention instead of acting like you were a ghost altogether.

you returned the energy, narrowing your eyes to slits. you weren't going to go toe to toe with another girl over a boy who was clearly yours. you had just redone miles' hair not even three full days ago, so she'd had to find another guy to practice on.

you shifted your gaze onto miles as he closed his locker. he hadn't even said a word to arielle up to that point, or even looked at her. when he finally made eye contact with the girl, she smiled innocently, as if she wasn't trying to murder you by burning holes through your skull with the way she was staring at you. 

you were no longer bothered by the time miles turned his head to look at you. the way his face was twisted was more than telling, with confusion written all over it. you read that boy like a book. 

"i mean, come on," arielle giggled. "you'd be the perfect person to practice on."

this girl didn't know when to stop. you were silently growing furious, wishing miles would take your hand and drag you away from that foolishness, but no. instead, he chose to engage in conversation with arielle.

"what do you think of my hair now?" miles asked.

this made your stomach drop, but it didn't show on your face. instead of saying anything or trying to figure out why miles cared what this random ass girl thought, you stood still where you were, waiting for the worst to be over. at the time, you and miles had only been together for about five and a half months. you didn't expect your first relationship to end that quickly. if this conversation didn't wrap up soon, you were sure that your head would start spinning and you'd pass out on the spot.

"of course! the two braids always look so good on you. i love them," arielle angled her head and leaned against the locker next to miles'.

"so do i," miles smirked, snaking one of his arms around your upper back to the shoulder furthest away from him. he pressed his palm against your arm and gently urged you closer to him, pointing to you with his free hand then looking back at arielle. "my girl got me right the other day, and she did a damn good job."

a smile crept up onto your face. for only half of a second, you didn't want to come off like one of those annoying moms of five who got the last 75" flat-screen tv during black friday and rubbed it in everyone's faces in the checkout line, until you remembered who's boyfriend miles was.

yours.

you had bragging rights.

"thanks, miles," you looked up at him, smiling brightly as any and all doubts left your mind. your eyes soon met with arielle's again, who was in disbelief. it seemed that you'd exchanged expressions. you were the one geeking now. 

"damn, i'd say gossip doesn't spread like it used to, but the looks you were giving me tell me you know we're together and don't care."

arielle shifted her weight off of the locker, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. she was never one to admit, let alone accept defeat.

"girl, c'mon. don't be lame. miles wouldn't cheat on me. it's even crazier that you thought he'd flirt back while i was standing right here."

"have it your way, but he's gonna crack."

with that, arielle scoffed, opting to leave the situation alone for the day. that wouldn't be the last time she tried something like that, and it probably wasn't the first either. you just happened to be around to see it that time. it made you wonder how miles reacted every other time. you were also quick to question why she claimed miles would "crack." it rubbed you the wrong way.

"she's jus' talkin' outta her ass, hermosa. she likes attention," miles assured you.

for whatever reason, that response alone didn't satisfy you. you had an uneasy feeling in your stomach for the rest of the day. you remember calling miles that same night while you both did homework. in the midst of the comfortable silence that had settled, you decided to bring up how you felt about what had happened.

"i won't lie, earlier today, i was a little scared," you admitted.

"of what?"

"i thought you were gonna ditch me for arielle," you replied, letting out a deep sigh at the same time.

"i'd never," miles promised you. "te amo, chica. and only you. i'm with you for a reason."

"i love you, too," you grinned, genuinely feeling at ease. "i was just paranoid. i know now that you'd never do that to me."

the invasive thoughts that often crowded your mind and kept you up late at night; the ones listing each and every reason why your relationship with miles would crash and burn? they haven't bothered you since then.

©maybemymali

[starry-eyed-steve]

What do you have against Ronance? It's clear Robin was attracted to Nancy as well as Vickie. Not only that, she jumped off a boat into monster-water for her, for goodness' sake. It's a bad-faith argument to say that people don't ship Vickie with Robin because she's a bisexual sapphic woman. Greatwise/Will and Gareth is not comparable in the slightest as that is a crack ship that never interacted. We DID have scenes with Robin and Vickie, though few.

And I'm gonna be So For Real, more people would ship Rovickie if Ronance was not there. People would devour those crumbs. But why choose crumbs, when you have a potential meal we spent a whole season with?

Okay, so this is really long, I'm sorry this took way too much time. I know I went a bit overboard. If there are any errors, please ignore lmao. Thank you for sending me an ask for a discussion. I also want to preface that I don't hate Nancy as a character, I don't like how she is written in certain situations and that the show overlooks mistakes she makes, and by pointing out those mistakes on her behalf is not me hating on her. Overall, I think she deserves better than what she is given both in the show and fandom.

First things first, Robin didn't jump into the water for Nancy. It was a delayed response after seeing her best friend being dragged under water. She's not as brave as Nancy. If we would apply the same logic, then Eddie would have jumped for Robin because he's in love with her. So no Robin jumped for Steve and should have been the first to do so, but because that scene was used for Stancy later (Eddie giving the speech to Steve in the woods) it had to be Nancy in that instance. It's really bothering me that this scene is so misread because people just don't get Robin's character. Who would you jump for, your best friend you know better than yourself or the girl you met a day ago?

The whole premise of Ronance (platonic or romantic) in s4 was so ooc for Robin, s3 Robin would have never acted the way like s4 Robin did. And I think that has something to do with what I said in the other post. We don't have enough time. There is no conflict when different groups of people come together because the show needs everyone to get along to save the world, and they couldn't elaborate on complex feelings a person might have towards others. So the show made Robin throw herself at Nancy's feet, despite thinking not too highly about her a season prior. Same with Steddie, the OG script was about how Steve and Eddie didn't get along first but it was cut out because there is no time to proper develop new relationships, even tho it would be more interesting. But again, that would mean the show would have to give us more episodes, which is unfortunately not the case.

So you see, I just don't think Robin would have acted the way she did around Nancy based on the character traits she displayed in s3. Furthermore, I will bring up Steve, which is a sensitive topic when it comes to Ronance. I don't want to come off as someone who in general makes a lesbian/sapphic relationship about a man's feelings, however because Steve has history with both girls I can't ignore him because Robin wouldn't either.

A little bit of background of Robin prior to meeting Nancy:

In s3, Robin couldn't stand Steve, and later, we found out why. It had mostly to do with her crush, Tammy Thompson, who had only eyes for him. Yeah, he was obnoxious, and Robin couldn't stand his smugness and arrogance, but the main reason was Tammy and her being kinda jealous of Steve in general because he had no problems fitting in. So she held on to this grudge against Steve for maybe even years. That tells us she doesn't forget when someone has wronged her and maybe, to an extent, her friends. Like she seems to be a person who has your back, no matter what.

Idk if you consider Rebel Robin as canon (I mean Maya narrated the podcast soo I mostly view it that way) but before Barb was Nancy's bff, she was close with Robin and later ditched her for Nancy. That in itself would leave a bad taste in Robin's mouth, and I guess she wouldn't be Nancy's biggest fan. Maybe that's why the priss comment in s3. Again, she had no problem disliking Steve because her crush liked him, but then she does an 180 with Nancy despite Barb being her actual friend leaving her for Nancy. Losing a friend to another person is much worse than a crush you never talked to, not liking you back or liking someone else.

But even if you ignore the Barb stuff and don't think it's canon, Robin still wouldn't be Nancy's biggest fan in the beginning and that has something to do with how Stancy ended and Jancy begun. You have to keep in mind Steve is Robin's bff, one if not the most important person in her life. He's everything to her she trusts him completely. He was maybe even the first person to know she was gay. Then why on earth would Robin A try to befriend Nancy, who broke his heart, and B trying to push her without a thought to get together with him again. It doesn't make any sense to me, based on how Robin was introduced.

Steve may have not any hard feelings for Nancy, maybe he only said positive things about her to Robin because he still views himself as the only person who fucked up in that relationship and not that Nancy was already in love with Jonathan for a while before things ended. Idk where you stand on the whole cheating thing, but it doesn't matter because rumors outside of the relationship would spread. Steve, the most popular guy in school, who is well liked, got left by his girlfriend of 1 year for the school freak, not even 2 days after a public fight. Like people would go crazy and Robin would have heard those rumors as well. You have to admit getting together with a new guy, not even after 48h is, I don't want to say weird, but not very cool, okay? Plus, Tommy would spread extra nasty shit because he hates Nancy and Jonathan and wants to hurt Steve as well. Robin would view her through those rumors, plus Steve having a hard time letting go, being heartbroken about it, there is no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't side eye Nancy.

Those two reasons, Barb and how Stancy ended, are the main ones as to why I think Robin was ooc for desperately wanting to befriend Nancy.

So the way I would have built up Ronance would be Robin being aloof towards her, and Nancy would have been the one who wanted to befriend her in the first place. Nancy never has to work for her relationships with others. People usually make the first move with her, so she never has to give much thought to it. Like Steve still loves her, Jonathan was ready to follow her wherever even if it endangered his family, and Fred followed her around like a lost puppy as well. And with Robin, it could have gone differently. Nancy should have made it her mission to make it up to Robin. Like she desperately wants a friend, she doesn't understand why Robin is being cold to her. By making her the instigator, Nancy would have to reflect on her mistakes and how she treated people, which would finally give her some personal character growth. Plus, it would have made the introduction to Stancy (romantic or platonic) way smoother and more balanced because Nancy never reflected on it. Steve's just available she doesn't have to make it up to him as well. Nancy never really addresses her faults in relationships, and the narrative in Stranger Things lets her off the hook every time. Letting Steve believe he was a terrible boyfriend despite liking Jonathan instead of him? No problem, no consequences. Steve still likes her. In s3 the show was again on her side when she fought with Jonathan by giving her the Karen pep talk, yes she apologized to him but she didn't understand his struggles really because she gave him the don't ever doubt me comment which kinda destroyed her apology imo. Furthermore, as soon as there was a rough patch in s4 with Jonathan, she expected him to come to her instead of going to him and fixing it because she has the financial means to do so, which indicates she still doesn't fully understand Jonathan's financial problems. Also, in general, Jonathan is terrified to tell her the truth, so he gets high to cope. It doesn't seem that he thinks Nancy is understanding.

Again, Robin could have been the person that would have made her realize wait, the way I take people for granted, and sometimes treat is wrong. Instead, we got yet another person instantly liking her and going along with everything she does, so Nancy never had to do anything for it, despite the obvious conflicts that should have arisen when they first met. But like I said before, the show doesn't have much time and focuses more on the plot, so there is no real development for characters, and everyone has to get along. I also think Stranger Things wanted a strong girl duo like Elmax, so they just threw Ronance together without conflict because they wanted to avoid drama, which would take up too much screentime. I can't emphasize the fact that Stranger Things suffers so much because it has too much plot and not enough time. Plus, I believe making Robin angry at Nancy on Steve's behalf would mean acknowledging that Stancy ended in a bad way or that Jancy maybe didn't have this cute start as a romance, but that would also mean recognizing Steve might have not been the only one who was wrong which is simply not possible. When s2 aired and people pointed out hey did Nancy cheat on Steve, did they really break up because a lot of people didn't view the fight in the ally as a break, especially because Nancy mentions she likes Steve at Murray's and Steve went to her house, the Duffers had to confirm it via interviews because I doubt they thought people would sympathize with Steve. Hence, why the narrative only blames him because they wanted the audience root for Jancy.

Long story short, I would have switched roles for platonic Ronance in the show. When it comes to romantic Ronance, that's mostly on the fandom. Everyone is allowed to ship whatever, I personally just don't think they are a good match. I don't see Nancy being patient enough with Robin's neurodivergent ways. She wouldn't handle her rambling over time very well. Nancy gets quickly irrated and snaps. Like Robin already felt the need to explain herself to her, making sure everything is okay because Nancy made her feel like her personality is too much and has faults, like her mom constantly tells her. Whereas with Vickie, she felt immediately at ease when they talked. More of that later. Robin is also poor, maybe a bit better off than Jonathan, but still, Nancy already doesn't get Jonathan's problems. Another reason is that because Steve is Robin's bff, Robin wouldn't want to date her all together. Like she sees Steve still likes her, she knows how much Nancy hurt him to a point that he is serial dating because he has like trust issues, that would immediately turn her off. Robin values Steve's friendship way too much than try to jeopardize it in any way. It's not like Steve wouldn't allow her to date Nancy, I think he would do everything to make Robin happy even if it costs his own happiness. Robin knows Steve. She would know that he would be hurt, and that's ultimately the factor that turns her off. Maya already confirmed that Robin values platonic relationships so much, so yeah. Just think about it that way. How would Robin feel if Steve suddenly would show interest in Vickie and starts dating her? That would be kinda fucked, same goes for Ronance, Robin knows Steve still likes her. I'm also a believer that you shouldn't necessarily date your bffs ex, it's just too messy especially if that relationship ended rather badly.

@findafight had this amazing post about one-sided Ronance, where they described exactly what I'm trying to convey. Nancy is the one interested, but ultimately, Robin declines because of her relationship to Steve. They also have several other posts about Ronance if you want to check it out. Another blog that discusses Ronance and has similar opinions is @thestobingirlie

What I dislike the most is that in Ronance, mostly Robin is only an ounce of her typical character. Her relationship with Steve is downplayed. She makes fun of him with Nancy, she lies to him about her relationship, even asks for sex advice in some fics which is just very weird and so ooc for her to do. Same goes for Steddie, as soon as either Steve or Robin go into a relationship both characters are so ooc, you almost don't recognize them, plus they only have time for their partners and their friendship gets sidelined, which again doesn't make sense for their characters. Ronance is also mostly beneficial to Nancy as it's viewed more how Robin can save her so she doesn't have to end up with a man. Hence, all the posts about how Robin is the only person who gets her, which is also such a shitty thing to say because both Jonathan and Steve were trying. Like Nancy's character development hinges more on her relationship with Robin than doing some soul-searching. Because for real, all her relationships so far are kinda meh because she doesn't know how to communicate properly with her partners, Robin wouldn't magically make everything better because she's a girl. Nancy needs to be single first and discover who she is without jumping in a new relationship. She needs therapy and has to work on her people skills to be a better partner for future relationships.

Also, so many people want Nancy to have a friend, and when Robin comes along, they immediately make it romantic. Robin can still be there for Nancy and understand her as a friend. I don't think she was romantically interested in Nancy in the show. She was actively pushing for Stancy. She only ever talked about being into Vickie romantically. Robin should be allowed to make a friend who is a girl without making it into a romance just because she is a lesbian. Lesbians can have platonic girl friends, lol. Fact is that so many see Robin interacting with a girl as romantic because she is looking at her and then ignore her real crush she talks about all the time.

Now to Rovickie and Vickie. What I meant with people not giving Vickie a chance because she's a girl and interested in a sapphic relationship is a common occurrence throughout fandoms in general. Guys are usually preferred when talking about characters or shipping. Girls have it so much harder. Like with Gareth, I don't think my comparison of him and Vickie was nonsensical or dumb. The fandom had no problems coming up with interesting headcanons for him, even outside the crackship. Almost all the hellfire boys, but especially Gareth because he's the most objectively attractive one of the group, got more love from the fandom. Vickie, on the other hand, is mostly used as the villain in Ronance fics, who is in the way of the main ship. People in general call her boring or too similar to Robin, which is insane because we have one scene where she rambles because she is talking to her potential crush. Also, being similar doesn't have to mean it's bad. Like I mentioned earlier, Vickie rambling is showing Robin it's okay to do so, which makes her feel immediately relaxed because she doesn't have to explain herself to Vickie. Not to mention the biphobia that runs through fandoms. The fact that Vickie had a boyfriend, who she broke up with, was enough. People usually headcanon Nancy as a lesbian than making her bi. Steve's only a bi icon when he's shipped with guys, like him dating a girl is seen as less valued or popular. Again, everyone can headcanon characters sexuality how they like, you do you it's just apparent that characters who are seen as bi are only celebrated for dating a person of the same sex.

Lastly, think about it if Vickie was a guy who was the love interest for Steve, there would be non-stop content for her. She would be well loved within the fandom. But Vickie is a girl, and if she were used as the love interest for Steve instead of Robin, she would also face the same scrutiny the already faces now. She's the villain in the way of ships because she's only a side character and not the full meal like you described. A male characters even with almost no screentime, will always get better treatment than female characters.

[angelsdean]

i'll be honest, i truly do not understand when people get all up in arms whenever anyone involved with spn describes cas's love for dean as beyond the human understanding of love, as if there haven't been posts made on here for years by fans literally describing cas's love for dean / destiel's love as akin to worship, a powerful force greater than god, cosmic, all encompassing, profound, etc etc. i thought the outrage was silly when jensen expressed the idea of cas's love being more than romantic back in denver con 2021 and i think it's silly now with these bedlund tweets. not to mention being more than and beyond something imo means it encompasses the romantic AND more. it's romantic, it's platonic, it's cosmic, it's worship, it's everything. and i think that's beautiful. and yes, it's exactly what their love is. a huge profound force that changed the narrative, that wasn't meant to be there, that kept breaking through anyway.

and i understand what people are saying about this language being used for a queer ship etc etc, but like, there's nothing inherently wrong or negating their love in saying that it's a greater love. if anything i think it's saying, hey, see these two? yea their love is bigger than what we can even comprehend. idk i'm just going to continue to take these statements in good faith. and also, until the reboot happens, they can't really say more about destiel beyond the bounds of the confession. jensen, bedlund, misha, etc can't speak to dean's feelings, for instance, or confirm anything one way or another, because if those feelings are a major plot point to be explored and acknowledged in the continuation then to speak about them now with any kind of definitive statement would be spoiling / jumping the gun, and it's not their place to make those statements yet, if we are indeed going to see more of dean and cas's story in the future (which i mean, at this point based on their statements about the reboot it's really a When not If situation).

[in-danmei-hell-send-help]

I think what kills me about Jiang Cheng antis is that a lot of their talking points reek of anti survivor rhetoric. As someone who is a survivor and has done a lot of advocacy for victims and survivors of power based personal violence, I want to be the first to inform you that the narrative of the “pretty survivor” (which is steeped in cishet normative, white supremacist, and ableist ideas) is an extremely rare case. Trauma survivors are rarely pretty. The Wei Wuxian’s of the world are incredibly uncommon. 

Trauma--especially intense, horrific trauma like what Jiang Cheng went through--often leads to intense issues of anger and hatred. It makes you deeply emotional and can often lead to you becoming unstable. Jiang Cheng lost his entire family and community in the span of a few years. He didn’t have access to therapy (something that literally anyone would need to heal from that), he had to rebuild his entire sect, likely had to fight an uphill battle in order to be a significant part of Jin Ling’s life, all while cleaning up the mess that Wei Wuxian left behind.

This is not to hate on Wei Wuxian, he’s my third favorite character (after Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji) and I love him deeply, but he left behind a legacy that Jiang Cheng had to clean up. Whether or not he realized this would happen, Wei Wuxian created a cultivation path (gui dao/ghost cultivation) that is extremely dangerous and horrific. While I still don’t know if I believe that Jiang Cheng killed every demonic cultivator he came across, I don’t know that it was necessarily a bad thing that he did kill them. We’ve talked a lot in the cxc server about gui dao and demonic cultivation and just how much it harms the mind and body. Wei Wuxian is the exception to the rule in having such control over it and even he eventually succumbed to it. If demonic cultivators are causing great harm, then a cultivators job is to stop that harm and the source of it. That may mean killing the demonic cultivator. I think people get mixed up when (I think it was Jingyi) said that Jiang Cheng kills the wrong person. I believe it was @twilightarc-gm who said that “wrong” doesn’t imply innocent but rather the fact that the person isn’t Wei Wuxian. We know that Jiang Cheng spent thirteen years trying to find Wei Wuxian and when he does find him, he doesn’t kill him despite having literally every reason to.

Like idk y’all, if the guy that got my entire clan wiped out, my sect burned down, and caused the deaths of my sister and her husband died and came back from dead, I wouldn’t just threaten him with a dog and yell at him. I would kill him. But he doesn’t he has every opportunity to in multiple instances after confirming that it’s Wei Wuxian, but he never does. He seems more interested in dragging Wei Wuxian home (literally stating that he’s going to bring Wei Wuxian home to Lotus Pier to kneel before his parents’ graves). Like that doesn’t imply that he’s going to kill Wei Wuxian, but rather make him repent. 

I think it’s telling that despite a lot of Jiang Cheng’s hurt and pain, he still chooses to not severely hurt or kill Wei Wuxian, it would be within his right to do so, but in the end after it’s all over, he let’s Wei Wuxian go. He doesn’t tell Wei Wuxian that he sacrificed himself for him, because he knew that Wei Wuxian would feel guilty and obligated to him, just like Wei Wuxian knew Jiang Cheng would feel guilty and obligated. That to me shows a survivor choosing to break the cycle of hurt and pain and I have to question why Jiang Cheng antis so often choose to ignore the side of him that does love Wei Wuxian (it’s up to the viewer whether they see that love as romantic or platonic), enough so to let him go and not burden him with pain.

Jiang Cheng’s story and character arc is at it’s core about trauma, survival, and rising above dire circumstances despite the odds. He attempts the impossible and manages to succeed in it. And to ignore that is a disservice to his character, survivors of trauma, and the effort MXTX put into creating such a complex and interesting character.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

@stuff6969fuckyou Also idk if two is too much but maybe (Dululu) Kuro Dark chocolate 12 & 6 for chronic illness reader maybe he kidnaps them and a bit of time passes idk or u could just do 6

Hey, so I only did the second one because I actually only write Luffy platonically. I hope you don't mind and that you enjoy this one at least!

Yandere Captain Kuro x GN!Reader

952 words

Prompts:

I know the timing isn’t ideal, but if I don’t do this now I feel like I’ll die.

I thought that going somewhere nice would have been the best thing to do today, but being at home with you has been better than any fancy dinner could have hoped to be.

With another day of tutoring Miss Kaya completed, you leisurely made your way to the foyer so you could leave. Even with how sweet and mild-mannered the girl was, you always felt exhausted by the end of the day. An unsurprising side effect of your poor health. Just being on your feet for too long was enough to leave you longing for a hot bath and your bed.

Even though you’ve been ill for most of your life, your condition seemed to be worsening as of late. There have been a handful of instances where you were forced to spend the night at the manor because of how faint you became before you could so much as make it to the front door. It was more than a little embarrassing for you, but Kaya insisted that it wasn’t a problem.

Not to mention the fact that Klahadore would consistently go out of his way to make your stay as comfortable as possible. He would run you a bath without needing to be asked, fetch clean clothes for you, and check in frequently to assess your health status.

His doting on you was a touching gesture.

“Excuse me, (Y/N)?”

Before you could leave, the soft voice of Klahadore rang out behind you. You look over your shoulder and spot him approaching you from a nearby hallway. You offer a small smile and nod, “Yes, Klahadore? Did you need something?”

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to speak with you in private for a moment.” His professional smile did nothing to indicate what this private matter could be about.

“Of course. Is something wrong?” The fact that he wanted to keep whatever this was away from any prying eyes made you anxious. What could be so serious that it could only be shared between you two?

“Not at all. Rest assured, everything is fine.” Klahadore’s words helped to ease your worries, but still lacked any real explanation for the subject of the coming conversation. He stationed himself at your side and held out his arm for you to hold onto, “Now, if you will come with me, I would prefer to discuss this urgently.”

Urgently? Worry bubbled in your chest, but you kept it to yourself this time. Gratefully, you latched onto his arm to steady yourself. The steps he took were slow and precise, making it easier for you to keep up with him.

The room he wished to have this discussion in wasn’t far away, lucky for you. Even still, you were beginning to feel lightheaded and clung onto Klahadore tighter to keep yourself balanced. He led you to a sofa in the sitting room and carefully eased you onto it. As concerned as you were, you couldn’t help but be somewhat soothed by how gentle he was being with you. Certainly if this was something bad he wouldn’t be so kind to you.

Klahadore readjusted his glasses with his palm before lowering himself onto one knee before you. Now that he was more at eye level with you, he took your hands into his own. The intimacy of the action made your face feel hot.

“I know the timing isn’t ideal, but if I don’t do this now I feel like I’ll die.” His thumbs lightly stroked your knuckles, and you could only stare in shock and anticipation of what was about to be said. “I must confess that I’ve grown quite fond of you since you began tutoring Miss Kaya. You’re such an intelligent and insightful individual, and I heavily admire those traits in a person. It’s because of that that I brought you here to ask: Would you allow me to court you?”

Your jaw dropped and it felt like your heart was going to pound out of your chest. Admittedly, your own fondness towards him was more than platonic, but you never could have guessed that those feelings were mutual. You averted your eyes and squeezed his hands as your mind scrambled to form proper sentences.

Of course you were going to accept, you would have to be insane not to. Klahadore was such a kind hearted and helpful man. Not to mention handsome and a perfect gentleman. Only good things could come from this.

“Yes, I would love that,” your response was simple and to the point to avoid potentially embarrassing yourself from tripping over your words.

“Excellent, I’m relieved to hear that.” Klahadore smiled at you before pressing a kiss to one of your wrists. 

You giggled and were forced to look away yet again. Yes, you’re sure that you made the right choice. Someone like him would most certainly treat you well.

—

How naive you were.

As the man that you now knew to be Kuro cradled your sickly form in his lap and forced more blue tea past your lips, you could only sit there and resign yourself to your fate. 

Kuro didn’t pull the tea cup away until it was empty. After setting it aside, he gently gripped your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye as he spoke, “I thought that going somewhere nice would have been the best thing to do today, but being at home with you has been better than any fancy dinner could have hoped to be.”

The sentence was punctuated with a kiss, one that you returned because you learned quickly that not doing so would always end poorly. 

There must have been signs before that could have told you who this man really was, but you were too blinded by how charming you thought Kuro was to see them. Now you would spend the rest of your life paying for that mistake.

[blazingstar24]

And if I say that both Anakin and Thrawn suffered the same childhood trauma and it manifests in completely different ways that makes their dynamic very interesting, what then? The loss of a family member and how they reacted to it is crucial in their characters. It is the loss of Shmi that turns Anakin’s love into a possessive, obsessive, abandonment fearing mess. It is the loss of Vurika/Borika, that informs Thrawn’s view of himself and others as just assets to a larger cause.

Regardless if Anakin could or couldn’t have saved his mother if the council listened, Shmi’s death in his mind is framed as an event in that Anakin was too late, he wasn’t there. It is a loss that turns into this idea that if he doesn’t protect what he loves, someone or something will take it from him. We see this in the Rush Clovis arc, we see it in the way he immediately jumps to jealousy at Obi Wan in ROTS despite Obi Wan never having such a relation with Padme. For Anakin, loss is always framed as someone took something from me. Even platonically, we see this in the Rako Hardeen arc. And it is evident that this started after Shmi’s death because Anakin does not have the same sort of hatred for Maul who killed Quigon.

For Anakin, it will always be that someone took something from me, so I have to do something about that. And it’s why Palpatine can manipulate him so easily, because all Palps has to do is point at someone, give him a target to blame and say kill.

For Thrawn, yes it is slightly different as Borika isn’t dead. But it is a loss nevertheless. Thrawn on the flip side of Anakin, registers loss as something inevitable and thus why harbor deep attachments? Not to say he doesn’t care because we know he does. Thrass, Ar’alani, and Eli all speak to the fact that he does very much care and love. But in every instance, he does keep them at a distance, he pushes them away just as they get close. And it stems from Borika because the reason why he loses her is so she could serve the Ascendancy. It is not a choice she made and he knows this. And that informs why everything he does is for this goal, because all he knows is that everything, even things that caused him pain is supposed to be for this goal.

Where Anakin sought to justify the loss in blaming himself and then others, Thrawn justifies the loss by trying to give the pain purpose. If it meant something then he shouldn’t be upset. It is what it is. Yet, just like how Anakin’s possessiveness leads to his downfall by Palpatine, by pushing all his friends away instead of keeping them close, Thrawn leaves himself vulnerable and surrounded by his enemies instead. All those friends will serve the larger goal, the Ascendancy, but who is left looking to him?

Idk what I’m really trying to say other than yeah that’s some interesting character dynamics. The idea that both these characters are defined by loss as much as they are also defined by hope as their shining moments of good.

[eddiegettingshot]

Idk kinda just thinking about the tonal shift in s7 like its crazy. Like watching the earlier seasons even though theres Stuff there its kinda clear to me they werent trying to push buddie in a romantic direction. Like maybe there were seeds but it wasnt an onvious thing they were trying to do. And even in s6 if you exclude the poker episode there was like. 5 buddie scenes in the whole season (and each one was insane btw like we were right to clown lol). And now in s7 theres like several instances of them flirting, them being together and supportive of each other nearly every episode, having eddie deliberately ask buck to parent chris several times. Its kinda insane and if they arent planning on getting them out soon I might go insane

no you’re so right it’s actually crazy to me that anyone thinks that this season was more platonic than the others because i feel like perhaps we need to think about where we started… like. not even s3 was like THIS. they literally opened the season with bathena. madney. and BUCK AND EDDIE… establishing buck’s role in their family 😭 they were barely apart all season. buck glaringly had very little going on that was completely separate from eddie. all the shit eddie had going on starred buck in the supporting role. like it’s not even like they went back to how things were pre-s5 they literally made everything WORSE in a time where they very much could have not done that. so are they getting them out ⁉️