#pathologic does a similar thing to me

[katabay]

Just out of curiosity, do you like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, as a play within a play?

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead is an all time favorite! the film adaption too. a few years ago, there was a point where I was reading the play and watching the movie regularly enough that I could recite most of it off the top of my head lmao

[autball]

A non-exhaustive list of the ways autistic people may show empathy even though we are assumed to not have it.

Are these exclusive to autistic people? No, not at all, we're just more often pathologized for them.

If I'm in a relationship with someone who does this, does that mean I just have to suck it up even if it doesn't work for me? No, it doesn't, but you do probably have some adjusting to do. You'll need to treat it as a mutual miscommunication instead of something it's all on the autistic (or ADHD, or whatever) person to fix. You'll have to change some of your expectations and get comfortable asking for (and explaining) the show of empathy you need - and you may even find out that the way you show empathy isn't working so great for them either. 😉

[Image description: AUTISTIC EMPATHY CAN LOOK LIKE… - Infographic by Autball.

White translucent boxes with black lettering inside on a magenta to purple diagonal gradient. The first four boxes read: (1) I’ve been through something similar, so maybe sharing my story will help; (2) Ooh, I know how to fix that! Maybe helping them solve their problem will make them feel better; (3) Oh man, now I have big feelings too! I just feel this so much!; (4) My favorite thing always calms me down, so maybe it’ll help them too. I’ll ask them to do it with me. These four are grouped together with a blue line and labeled: Misinterpreted as “Making it All About You.”

The next four boxes read: (5) I’m not sure how to help, so I’ll leave it to that person who looks like they do; (6) When I’m upset or overwhelmed, I prefer to be left alone, so I’ll bet they would like the same; (7) If I get involved, I’m gonna become overwhelmed myself, and that will take attention from them, so it’s best to just stay out of it; (8) I’m not sure how to help, and I usually make it worse when I try but get it wrong, so it’ll be better for everyone if I just do nothing. These four are grouped together with a blue line and labeled: Misinterpreted as Cold and Uncaring.

At the bottom is one last sentence, in white bold lettering, that reads, “Just because we don’t show it the same doesn’t mean we don’t feel it.”]

[meanbossart]

DU DROW LORE ASK COMPILATION: COMPANIONS, ASTARION'S READING HABITS, AND HIS LONG-INQUIRED OPINIONS ABOUT BODILY WASTE REVEALED.

I don't think "discussed" is the right word, more so mocked her for her blind faith and got into brief spats. It was precisely Shadowheart's water-off-a-duck's-back attitude towards his remarks that kind ingratiated her to him - DU drow spoke his mind, she took it in stride and remained firm in her beliefs without arguing or trying to push it on him. That, alongside the fact that they are surprisingly similar people is what brought them together as friends.

Even long after the events of the game he's still opposed to her hopping from Shar to Selune, also. Shadowheart's attachment to religion is simply something they agree to disagree about.

Can I answer your question with one of my own?

Am I the only idiot that killed her in their first run LOL

BUT YES, he killed Lae'zel when she tried to murder suicide the camp and I went through the whole game without her. I didn't go to the creche either!

I have since had other runs and she's actually one of my favorite characters, I just haven't had the chance to draw her yet.

ACTUALLY - scratch that. I've drawn her once-

Somewhat! But not really. He genuinely just likes jewelry, and rings are the only kind that suit his life-style (necklaces and earrings are a hazard during fighting) this is a reference to his bhaalist days when he used to be completely covered in the stuff day and night.

Hence why he finds them comforting to have on in some way or another. They change around because he gets bored of/misplaces runs out of fingers to wear the new rings that he loots constantly.

The great link in question

I don't know if it's been made clear enough, but DU drow's love for Astarion is borderline pathological, LOL. He's got a good humor about things and Astarion is definitely no stranger to having little quips and jokes made at his expense (a few references to him being Pointy And Long here and there, for sure), but the guy overwhelmingly adores him and thinks he's always the prettiest girl at the ball, even when he gets in his face and his nose looks huge.

I'll be honest, Astarion strikes me as the kind of guy that has like, 3 really weird books he really enjoys and reads them again and again very slowly over the course of years. Otherwise, not really a reader, but I digress -

DU drow was probably never a big reader himself, I would say he got started on a couple of books back in the day but likely never finished any. He's fairly intelligent, but most of his downtime was spent managing the cult and parsing through relevant documentation.

I definitely don't think he'd have the attention-span for fiction (which I picture as being said books that Astarion enjoys) but he does like to snuggle up with his beau to watch him read - every once in a while he catches a particularly scandalous line or description and they bicker about it. He makes a remark, Astarion feels obligated to explain the context, it devolves into some playful kind of argument that ends with Astarion telling him to go dig a hole and die in it while playing with his hair - The usual LOL.

Oh man I have a few more in-dept descriptions of how that went, both lore-wise and just for me as the player - but in summary, DU drow was pretty mean to everyone earlier on in the game and he did catch onto Astarion's very obvious and obnoxious seduction attempts very clearly. He doesn't like being so desperately pursued and they actually got off on the extremely wrong foot because of it, LOL.

After being unpromptedly rejected at the tiefling party he was a little more enticed by him, basically the "no" was his "go". I like to think of it like Astarion catching onto the fact that his initial strategy wasn't working and that this man in particular needed him to play hard to get - from that point on, DU drow started playing along. DU knew this was still a game, but now they were playing it on even ground so he was fine with it.

First of all - he inexplicably got butt-ass naked for the event.

All in all he liked it a whole lot and it was his re-introduction to the concept of pain being dished out as a form of love and his deep enjoyment of it.

Thank you so much, glad to hear you get some joy out of my work!

Dang it I had a pretty good write-up about his thoughts on Wyll from a long time ago, but I can't find it 😭

In summary, Wyll was a frustrating person for him to be around because of what he viewed to be a deeply ingrained naivete about the world. He shockingly didn't hate him (Wyll is kind of difficult to hate) but he never really saw him as an equal either, and definitely not as a friend. Du drow just desperately wanted him to express something that he would perceive as a genuine emotion; some kind of outburst or show of anger or frustration, but all he ever saw was someone trying to put on an act of performative heroism that he didn't buy at all.

At the same time, Wyll was far too young for him to be too mad. He might have held his father more accountable for making the guy into what he was than Wyll himself, really.

Can a man be scared of being scared? Because if so, it's that.

He also doesn't like shit a normal amount. (piss is fine depending on whose it is.)

[elkian]

I've seen a lot of takes about the Hbomb video - here's a link; he's also done some similar works criticizing Allen Wakefield (accidentally instigated the prime anti-vax movement while trying to scam people) and Tommy Tallerico (similar vein to The Video, of plagiarism/credit theft).

I've also enjoyed some of his teardown videos, but my real favorites are his Why FNV Is Genius (and Here's Why) and Pathologic Is Genius (And Here's Why), which lead me to buying and playing (some of) Pathologic 2.

One thing worthy of note is that he specifically requests that nobody start a witch hunt over the subjects of his videos. He is an opinionated person and his righteous indignation is very entertaining, but I've never seen him seriously suggest people harass any real human beings. Suggestions to do so after watching the video have been made by the viewers and are explicitly condemned by Hbomb himself in the video. Just saying.

But more to the point is how he ends the video: he decides to cap it off with a reel of suggested viewing for people who create the kinds of things Somerton allegedly made himself, focusing on queer creators.

Here's the playlist linked in the video description:

I don't doubt other people have shared this already, but it hasn't crossed my dash, so I thought I'd give it a mention. It's a really nice way to end a video that, while focusing on informing the viewers and warning people of potential scammers essentially, does have a negative tone at times because he is, well, tearing into someone's monumental career of plagiarism.

The playlist links to videos by Alexander Avila (who was himself plagiarized by Somerton), Matt Baume, Lady Emily, verilybitchie, RickiHirsh, Shanspeare, Khadija Mbowe, hazel, Herby Revolus, Maggie Mae Fish, Kaz Rowe, Kat Blaque, Lily Alexandre, max teeth, drapetomania, Kameno -o, Lola Sebastian, Princess Weekers, CJ The X, Jennie Geist, Mia Mulder, Nick DiRamio, Sarah Z, Rowan Ellis, and finally Maven of the Eventide.

(I have chosen to spare my wrists and sanity by not hyperlinking those names because the playlist is literally right there.)

Fun facts: this list, which apparently also has nonbinary and trans artists on it, contains 0 names I am already familiar with. I don't spend a lot of time on Youtube outside of very specific needs, but this still makes for a good opportunity for me to familiarize myself with work from others in the community.

Anyways, I just think that's an extremely cool way to end a four-hour-video that, while extremely entertaining, is a bit of a down to watch and realize how easily extremely unmotivated people are stealing others' work and making bank off of it. That's all I had to say, goodnight.

[stanfordsweater]

hello i'm new to the supernatural fandom and you have been in my recommendeds for a while, reasons to ship wincest???

i thought for a long time about how to respond to this so imma link catherine tosenberger's excellent analysis of the first few seasons where "the most resistive aspect of Wincest fan fiction is that it gives the main characters a lasting happiness that the series eternally defers."

to begin with, there are a lot of people who will argue for the toxic codependency and i love them and also love it but the reason i've been here for well over a decade is because of the way that wincest offers you two paths: you can follow the path of those who write endless meta about how one or the other brother is abusive and how toxic it is and eventually brainwash yourself into being unable to ship it, or you can follow the path of love and light and perspective and recognize 1. these are fictional characters and b. there are no two characters in genre tv who are as devoted to each other as sam and dean. there is no plotline that follows through fifteen seasons of being obsessed with each other.

by choosing the incest pill, you grant yourself access to fifteen seasons of generally good tv ABOUT YOUR SHIP EXCLUSIVELY. sam and dean are the main characters and you will always know, opening up an episode, that they will be there, doing their weird-ass jealous obsessiveness, and you will never despair about not having them present, together, even if they're fighting or struggling or depressed. that is a very special thing!

now, beyond that, assuming you've watched the show, there's many reasons to cross the incest line. FIRSTLY, everyone involved was well aware of what they were doing. we have a few choice quotes i've collected below about their relationship that ramps up the intensity:

--

"Ultimately, they are pathologically dishonest with each other because John Winchester was pathologically elusive to them," consulting producer Ben Edlund says. "They learned that the truth is this dangerous thing, and that you shouldn't speak it. He even taught them to keep secrets from each other for strategic purposes." With all of the supernatural, apocalyptic, tragic drama woven into the show, Sam and Dean's relationship is rooted in human emotion. "When you look at the dysfunction that they show to each other, it comes directly from how they were brought up, and that's a kind of dysfunction that people in this world continue to face. 'Why didn't my dad tell me that he loved me yesterday?' We're just people sharing the same kind of thing," Edlund says.

--

"Why do you think Dean has had such a hard time forgiving Cas when he did forgive Sam for a similar betrayal?"

I think the easy answer is blood, I think the easy answer is family, even though if there was a family in this show it would include Bobby, it would include Cas, it would include these-- these-- kind of, broken war-torn heroes we've come to know, and you know, Bobby has that famous line, "family don't end with blood," but it is his brother, at the end of the day, that's the closest he has to a companion, and has had for a companion for many years, so I think with Cas there was always, "he's unnatural, he's an angel," and I think that for Dean, relating to someone like that, it's tricky, relating to monsters, relating to anything supernatural, his brother is flesh and blood, it's tangible, he can touch that.

--

Obviously the relationship between Sam and Dean is central to our show but we’ve been building this rift between Sam and Dean all season, so that led to the idea of having this young male character that sort of idolizes Dean and does all the cool stuff that Sam won’t do, and that’s Dean’s perfect mate.

(the thing sam won't do is literally swapping spit with him. tell me i'm lying)

--

in the hunt, page 37

--

Not all fans are content simply to attend conventions. Some of them want to take a hand in the story, and their fan fiction can explore areas mostly untouched on the show, like the latent homoerotic suggestiveness of the Winchesters’ intense relationship.

-THE NEW YORK TIMES

--

"eyefuck" became a well-known script shorthand because of how intense j2 looked at each other as sam and dean

--

it's a terrible life draft script:

Note B) They are supposed to be together

Note C) each been all alone in separate life finally found kindred spirit

--

in the hunt, page 158

--

i haven't included any eric kripke quotes because he has so much wrong with him that i don't want to enable it. this is a compliment. it is one of the highest i can give.

SO-- what these quotes tell us:

sam and dean are relatable because their relationship is intensely human

sam and dean have shared secrets they cannot voice to one another but that nonetheless make them inseparable

people have been writing motherfucking essays about sam and dean's homoeroticism since the show aired

within the mythology of the show, sam and dean are meant to be together above all other relationships

...oh, you need more? i didn't think i'd get this far. um... okay... look at them???

if you choose to walk this path you will find yourself crying and taking screenshots every time they look at each other or touch each other or hold each other and you will thank the lord in heaven that we were granted this intensely wild and beautiful homoerotic relationship back in 2005 and praise jesus that you can always return to their raw sexual chemistry-- "In fact, much like the early X-Files, the show is fueled past its failings almost entirely by the chemistry between the two principals, the boys who, like Mulder and Scully, generate enough sexual tension to power a small city" as quoted by whitney cox in 2006 in an article that otherwise fails to bring anything to the table, sorry if you love it for your meta but also literally just go read the catherine tosenberger essay

you still need more????? jesus, what have you shipped prior to this? well, go watch the pilot and enjoy the fact that the first scene these two have together they are wrestling on the floor (sexually) and getting all romantically silhouetted against this beautiful lighting

and then go watch a few fanvids like this or this and then watch the pilot and watch this and then read this post about how supernatural happily wields incest as a tool of horror and as comedy and then scroll through my entire family horror show tag to understand more and then watch this immaculate video that deals with the whole thing and think about how all these things were happening in 2005 and remember the fact that sam and dean are the main characters of the universe... and then maybe just watch the show and please do not become an annoying shit poster who just talks about how they hate it🙏

[catgirl-catboy]

Not sure if you're interested, but if I can give my perspective on Kokichi's treatment as a certified actual compulsive liar, you're absolutely correct that the other characters are deeply hypocritical in how his lying is treated in comparison to others and that beyond being kind of annoying and kind of an asshole he really didn't do anything that bad up until chapter 4, but in my experience the way he's treated is very true to life and honestly hits me personally very hard because I relate. When people realize someone lies often even about mostly small and petty shit, it changes how they treat you and everything you say that they don't like is often written off as a lie, you being a known liar becomes the easiest excuse in the world to treat you poorly and gives people a convenient justification for disliking you. Himiko lying about her magic isn't treated the same because it's one thing she lies about (I'd argue for the sake of not breaking the illusion and ruining the wonder) and while they do get annoyed with her about it, mainly in chapter 2 where her refusal to be honest is actively being a hindrance to the investigation, it doesn't change their overall attitude toward her because it's still just the one thing and they kind of know how to work around it. As for Shuichi, I honestly am not sure how many members of the cast even really notice that Shuichi lies as often as he does, and even those who do probably find it easier to excuse because they can recognize that he's doing it to reach the truth, Kaito and Maki in particular find it easier to both excuse and play along with simply because they trust Shuichi's judgment. As far as Kokichi is concerned, they don't trust that he's lying for any good reason because they don't know why he's lying at all, because he does it constantly about both important and meaningless things which makes it easier to just assume that he's at best unreliable and at worst a threat. It is a flaw and it is hypothetical, but it's also eerily similar to how I was treated by my peers as a teen.

Anyway sorry for the rant I just have a lot of feeling and thoughts about Kokichi because he actually was the first time I saw a compulsive/pathological/whatever liar in fiction that wasn't treated by the narrative as just pure evil without any nuance or grey area, or some kind of high school mean girl (looking at you Miraculous Ladybug), and that had a really strong effect on me and allowed me to actually confront and cope with that part of myself.

Oh, I am VERY interested.

May just be the autism, but what lies the Danganronpa characters do and don't seem to care about seems entirely dependent on their pre-existing biases.

Sure, Kokichi lies about enjoying bugs during the meet and greet. But Kaede and Shuichi do the exact same thing in Gonta's intro, and its completely brushed off!

Considering how truth vs lies/fiction is one of v3's main themes, it feels like Kodaka is shooting his message in the foot.

As a whole, one of my major gripes with the franchise is that it has a serious problem with protagonist centered morality, and those problems are named Syo and Kaito.

I would argue that a lot of Kokichi's lies also play into his persona, and that he always has to "perform" in a sense due to his talent, if that makes sense. Himiko's skill as a performer wouldn't be questioned because of who she is offstage, but Kokichi's absolutely would. Then again, there's a lot of skepticism about Kokichi's talent in canon and in the fandom itself, so that could explain it.

People are weird. Danganronpa characters are even weirder.

[greenfinchwriter]

Okay so I debated posting this for a long time but it won't stop bothering me. Before you come for me,all I ask is that you hear me out, and that my intention with this post is NOT to not to attack anyone.

Here we go: Alana Bloom is not a good person. That is pre-moral-decay arc.

Why am I saying this?

It is NOT because:

She's a woman

queer

Female professional in a male dominated field

Somehow "standing between Hannigram"

It IS because,in my very subjective opinion as 1 autistic person, she is a prime example of a self-righteous "Autism Speaks/Facebook Autism Mom" with a degree.

Personally the most insidious kind of allistic ableist to encounter. It took me a long time to recognize that this kind of person is not any less harmful,or bigoted,and they are by far the most difficult to call out. Why? Because they are what neurotypical people see as "nice,well-intentioned,altruistic,allies, compassionate,self-sacrificing" etc, this goes double if you have a degree to cement your authority. Trying to even gently explain to them how and why their behavior is not okay from an actual neurodivergent point of view will always be met with more outrage by other neurotypicals than calling out someone who is outright,loud and proud hostile in their ableism. A similar concept to other subtle, covert forms of bigotry.

Alana is a worse therapist than Hannibal, and hell,even Bedelia. She's on par with Chilton.

Because she is "normal", "nice", and "sweet" it is easily overlooked just how not only ableist but emotionally manipulative she is. She is just as bad as Sutcliffe,or any other professional who sees Will as an exotic case study,and her "fascination" with Will echoes Freddie's. I don't doubt that she genuinely thinks of herself as a "good person who cares about/for Will", and that she firmly believes to be "well-intentioned",and "morally surperior". But she really isn't. Her behavior towards Will is NOT okay. She did and does use,and infantilize him,she does manipulate him,be that consciously or subconsciously. But whereas we make "excuses" for Hannibal, and don't really expect him to act differently because of his pathology,his "nature",his way of thinking etc. We do not hold the "normal" people like Alana to the same measure.

That's why I get angry when people regurgitate Chilton's talking points about Will,and demonize him.

It is far more nuanced,and complex than that.

Imho, in this show (apart from the dogs) there are no "pure" characters. And to deny Alana is not fundamentally flawed,and yes ableist character because "feminism!" could in and of itself be misogynistic. A person can be a bigot regardless of gender,race/ethnicity/culture,religion etc. They can be so without actively meaning harm,or even being really all that aware that their 'good intentions' are destructive. If such a person is willing to learn and change,than that's good. No such thing as doomed. But most of her "with a degree" types will die on their hills,and be affronted by the accusation that their oh so "noble" attitudes might actually be anything but.

I am NOT bird app accusing anyone who likes her character of being any of those terms,to stop liking her,or that she is "worse" but I am saying that just as we acknowledge Hannibal's flaws,can (meta) decry his actions,and still call him Blorbo and fiercely ship Hannigram,we should also be able to do so with Alana.

The "normal" ones aren't always the "good ones".

That is why I dislike Alana,and I just don't like being accused of merely disliking her for being a queer woman,or the infantile notion that she was "in the way of Hannigram". I have my HIGHLY PERSONAL,SUBJECTIVE BUT TO ME VALID,UNRELATED REASONS I dislike her. Not because she read a weird book to Abigail. Or anything else that has recently come up in the fandom.

You don't have to dislike her. It's okay if you like her. It's okay if she's your favorite,your obsession,or you just find her sexy. It's perfectly fine if you ship Marlana,or ship her with Hannibal. I'm not posting this to lecture,or convert anyone. I couldn't be happier for you if you like her and/or find comfort in her character.

What I do have issues with is seeing her idealized without legitimate discourse about her character.

No,I don't think of Will or Hannibal as pure cherubs without fault but I have had enough about the angel-ification of Alana,and reimagining of Will as darker/more monstrous/misanthropic than he is.

That is my perspective. You don't have to agree with it - not if you are autistic/neurodivergent as well,or if you are neurotypical. You really don't have to. That's okay! I respect that,and you!

So respectfully,gently,please let one autistic person of many explain her discomfort with her character,or maybe offer food for thought to some.

There is more I could say but I'll leave it at that.

Sorry if I upset anyone,and for not being more eloquent about this,I hope what I was trying to express came across well enough.

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Ah thank you so much for your post on Harry's overprotectiveness and how it is deeply rooted in his fear of losing the only family he has by the end of the series not because he thinks Ginny is not capable enough

You spoke God's truth

But like seriously I have seen so many people pointing out the "problem" in Hinny and why they won't make it long term as a couple is that Harry after the war has to see Ginny as a peer not as something to be protected and that's why they are not equals... And I'm like what makes you think he doesn't see her as his equal?

Do I need to point out the number of times in HBP and DH whatever Ginny is doing Harry's reaction is a mix of "wowww my girl is doing amazing" and "OMG what is she doing, she might get herself killed and I'll die seeing just that, poor Voldy shorts would not have to put so much effort in killing me"

And I'm sure this has been pointed out before...A 15 year old Harry had a very similar reaction towards Sirius, a 30 something adult with 7 years of complete magical education, experience in fighting death eaters in Order of the Phoenix and then emotionally fighting the dementors for 12 long years.

You are welcome!

.

Harry in canon after he discovers Ginny is leading a rebellion:

This scant news made Harry want to see Ginny so badly it felt like a stomachache; but it also made him think of Ron again, and of Dumbledore, and of Hogwarts itself, which he missed nearly as much as his ex-girlfriend. - Chapter 15, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

What is true is that Harry hasn't properly processed how hurt Ginny was because he so desperately needed to believe she was safe that he would've needed to be slapped in the face with the reality, and in fact:

He spotted Ginny two tables away; she was sitting with her head on her mother’s shoulder: there would be time to talk later, hours and days and maybe years in which to talk. - Chapter 36, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

This does not mean Harry doesn't think that what Ginny did was valuable, important or a huge risk:

Harry found himself taking it out simply to stare at Ginny’s name in the girls’ dormitory, wondering whether the intensity with which he gazed at it might break into her sleep, that she would somehow know he was thinking about her, hoping that she was all right. - Chapter 16, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Harry is worried about her physical and mental well-being. But there's a difference between knowing someone is in danger/admiring them for what they are doing and being in the mental space to properly process the information of the love of your life being tortured (something that he would need to deduce from Neville's tale and he is not in the mental space to do it). It would happen once he talks with Ginny (I think Rowling should've created the situation for it once Harry talked with Neville but for reasons that have nothing to do with hinny and everything to do with the devastatingly boring plot of this book).

[I wrote about this in Back to the Eclipse if someone wants to read it.]

It's like when people say that Harry wouldn't tell Ginny things because he didn't let her in the Voldemort stuff completely ignoring that:

Dumbledore tells him to talk only with Ron and Hermione about it and he dies before Harry might start wondering why exactly he can't talk to Ginny about it and ask Albus (I would have loved to see the answer to that question)

Harry has a pathological need to protect her (which I agree is something he needs to work on but it is a direct consequence of how important she is to him and I'll argue it's a flaw that in a moderate dose balances out one of Ginny's)

Harry ends up telling Ginny his mission (killing Voldemort) anyway because he is shit at keeping things from her, as pointed out since the fifth book

Harry is so shit at keeping things from Ginny he has a hard time keeping things from Molly because she has Ginny's eye colour

When Ron gets hurt in HBP, Harry and Ginny get into an obsessive conversation about what might have happened (he is clearly comfortable in discussing important stuff with her, including his beloved mysteries)

His only plan for the future after the battle is endlessly talking with Ginny

The only thing people should deduce is that Ginny most likely spent a good part of her life being an insane security breach of the Department of Law Enforcement (to be fair to Harry: the majority of spouses of people in law enforcement are).

[sokkastyles]

I hope you don’t mind me sending in asks every so often, because I really love your blog and I like reading your opinions/analyses of ATLA’s story and characters. What I want to talk about is this one trope in fiction that I’ve always liked and wanted to see more of, which is “Person A sees characteristics of Person B’s personality or abilities that are kind of morally dubious or complicated and possibly less than desirable (depends on what the ability or personality trait is) and even though Person B has complicated feelings about what they saw, they never flinch or look away from who Person A is.” Because I’m obsessing over Zutara again, this made me think of the scene where Zuko sees Katara bloodbend for the first time and while he is momentarily surprised, his facial expression goes back to normal quickly. Something similar happens when he sees her waterbend while confronting Yon Rha. I really wish we had gotten a scene where Zuko and Katara actually talk about her blood bending abilities, though the main reason I wanted this isn’t only because of the potential for another Zutara moment. I also really wish the narrative had utilized bloodbending more and that we had gotten to see more of Katara’s complicated, ambiguous feelings about bloodbending (and yes I know she didn’t like bloodbending in canon, but I wish we got to see her be a bit curious about it or not knowing how to feel about it before she decided that). What are your thoughts about this? Is there anything about Katara’s bloodbending that you wanted to see explored in the narrative as well?

First of all, I love getting your asks! They are always very well thought out and insightful! I think you sent me another one that I didn't get a chance to respond to yet because I have been very busy, but I'm not tired of getting asks from you at all!

And I do think an underrated aspect of Zuko witnessing Katara bloodbend is that it's validating to him as an abuse survivor, as a fellow child of war who also lost his mother, as someone who deals with anger issues, to see Katara bloodbend and be able to control her bloodbendinng in that moment.

I do not think that Zuko was intentionally living his revenge fantasies through Katara or encouraging her to commit violence. We've actually seen both Jet and Hama try to do that to Katara and there are some distinct differences. If you recall the way Jet and Hama talk about their actions, and the way they try to get Katara to also do those things, they appeal to her with specific language. They appeal to her anger, specifically, telling her to think about what happened to her mother. They take joy in assuming that she is just like them and has sunk to their level.

When Zuko talks with Katara about Kya, he does not focus on her anger and loss and the need for revenge. Instead, he tells her that Kya was brave. When he sees himself in Katara, he doesn't see negative. He sees someone who is angry, yes, but also someone who isn't controlled by that anger.

Part of the problem with the way antis talk about this episode and Zuko or Katara specifically is this pathologizing around whatever "fantasy" they think Zuko or Katara might be engaging in. And let's be real for a second. It is actually incredibly common for abused children to have revenge fantasies about their abusers. Like, incredibly common. But it's something that is not talked about very often because we don't like to think about it. When it is talked about, it is usually in terms of the person becoming violent themselves.

I do think that Zuko wanted for Katara the same thing he got with his father, the chance to confront him and to walk away, to not be goaded into violence or sink to that level. But that doesn't mean it isn't also incredibly validating for Zuko to not only watch Katara have power over this man, but to be able to exert enough control over that power to be able to walk away.

Which is similar to what Zuko does with his father. Zuko doesn't want to be angry anymore, but that doesn't mean he suddenly becomes a doormat. And when he faced his father, he was prepared to fight if he had to. He brought his swords, he redirected lightning right at Ozai's feet. He made it clear that he could have hurt Ozai if he had wanted to. But he has enough control over that anger not to. Directionless anger is ultimately similar to intrusive thoughts of revenge, because both make the person feel helpless and out of control.

Also my piping hot take is that Aang was afraid of Katara's anger because he himself never learned to control the Avatar state, whoops.

Anyway, I love that Zuko has that moment when he maybe sees a bit of his old self, the part of himself that was angry and wanted to hurt people because he was hurt, in Katara, and it surprises him. But now he's wise enough to have compassion for himself, and for her by extension, and understands now that that anger comes from grief.

[andiftheycare]

AU where Suguru’s an overworked salaryman and Satoru keeps stealing his umbrellas as a bad attempt at flirting.

Or the you swan he frog meme but make it a fic

☂️ Part one here, and also on twt

☂️ Part two point one here, and on twt

I should be banned from my notes app when I'm this brain fried. Highly unedited & nothing much happens in this update. More thievery in part 3

Tags to be aware of: AU, squint and it’s a reincarnation au (more on this soon), office AU, squint and there's some side Itafushi

☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

☂️☂️2.2

“You forgot your pass?”

The receptionist, an old guy called Jogo who’s been there since Suguru started as an intern, weights him down as if he’d never seen him a day in his life. A whiff of suffocatingly hot air hit him as the reception's doors slide open.

“Unfortunate,” Suguru smiles brightly at him, glad for the air con and the extra hours of sleep. Breakfast was good, too. Especially since Megumi brought in miso and coffee.

His phone buzzes and Suguru ignores it as Jogo handles him a temporary pass “I know where you work.” Jogo says, squinting. “Return this when you clock off.”

On his Line chat with Gojo, there’s now a link to a ten years old article Suguru doesn’t want to open.

Megumi says you’re awful

Don’t take it personal, though. He doesn’t like me either.

Whatever his relationship with Megumi is, Suguru doesn’t ask. Megumi sat with him in awkward silence for a while, and watched while Suguru washed the dished and scribbled a post it on the rice cooker, up until he left for a shower. There, Megumi stared until Suguru disappeared down the corridor.

Now, the elevator takes Suguru to the 14th floor, and another day —

which will look exactly like the one before and the one before that, an endless circle of numbers and calls and emergencies and pathological examples of system’s incompetence ——

starts.

“Is that a new suit?” Yuki asks, first thing in the morning, as she delivers an americano on his desk.

“Sort of,”

“Ehh, what’s with that answer?”

Suguru shrugs and, truly, what’s there to say if not “I might return it, you know. It’s tight on my shoulders.”

She snorts. “Fits you, though. Blue’s your colour.”

Suguru’s phone buzzes again. The insistent tick tick of the rain is partly cancelled by the office floor’s chatter.

“Nonsense.” Miguel says, dropping his laptop bag on the desk next to Suguru. “He looks better in orange.”

“I don’t wear orange.”

“Exactly my point.” Miguel says, unfazed, and Yuki sighs loudly and theatrically just for Nanami to catch her in the act. He clocks in right on time, not a minute before or after their mandatory office hours, and says “I assume Tsukumo-san’s here to discuss the latest budget updates?”

Which, to be fair, she needs to do. Still, that comment doesn’t go down well. Suguru watches the consequences of Nanami’s actions unravel as he turns on his laptop, coffee burning his tongue.

☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

At lunch time the air is dense with humidity and sticks Suguru’s hair to his neck. The walk to the conglomerate of flats where he slept the previous night is an experience similar to swimming, the weather a prelude to a later storm.

Suguru will need another umbrella, and he’s running out of coins.

When he taps in the key code, as if he lives there, he knows he’s violating an implicit pact of trust with Gojo, but in that moment it doesn’t matter.

He’s sure Gojo won’t mind. He’ll make up to him, at some point. Besides, his brain doesn’t fumble with morals when he has an end to a meaning — in that case, it’s just retrieving his lost pass without having to ask Gojo.

Because if he does, Suguru will be in the same room as Gojo while they search for it. And that, somehow, will make him real, rather than a convenience store ghoul hunting in his memories.

“Oi, Megumi, did you get…”

Gojo blinks at him from the other side of the room. Suguru blinks back, hand still on the door knob.

“You could’ve called me.” the corner of his mouth tugs into a smile, a note of unexpected happiness in his voice.

“I didn’t think you were home.”

“Ouch. What a way to sound unsuspicious.” He pauses, pensive, because clearly Gojo wants to savour his next words “Were you trying to rob me, Suguru?”

Of course. The article run his full name.“We’re not on first name basis.”

“Yet you sleep in my bed.”

“With your consent.”

Gojo’s eyes glints. In the daylight, sun caressing the angles of his face, they’re a clearer blue. Softer, almost, or maybe that’s only in how he’s looking at Suguru. It’s the first time he sees Gojo properly, instead of registering his presence under neon lights and the influence of sleep-deprivation.

There’s a compulsion to get closer, feel him closer, to see for himself if those eyes are shielded by coloured contacts or are the byproduct of winning a rare genetic lottery. Mostly, he wants, but the ending to satisfy his desire doesn’t lay in giving in to the physicality of Gojo Satoru.

He doesn’t understand it. Quite frankly, he doesn’t want to.

“I forgot my pass.” Finally, Suguru’s brain reboots. He shuts the door behind him. “I’ll take it and leave. So you don’t need to…” he waves a hand at him.

“What?” Satoru looks down, blind to the drops of water shimmering down his chest, to the trail of white hair disappearing behind the towel draped around his hips.

So his hair aren’t bleached.

Suguru wishes he found that distracting, rather than the droplets of water pouring from Gojo’s locks down to his neck, right behind his ear. A spot to bite.

“Dress?” he deadpans.

“Oh,” Gojo looks up, quickly. “Right. Dress.”

Of course, no action is taken because why Gojo would ever do as he’s told. After a moment of silence, Geto says “Have you seen it?”

Gojo tilts his head slightly “Uhm?”

“My pass?”

At that Gojo jolts back to life, shifting from one feet to another, “No?”

“Help me find it then.”

So they move. Geto takes off his shoes and inspects the kitchen while Gojo rushes to change, moving between the flat surfaces he cleaned under Megumi’s supervision, bending to look under tables and sofas.

Filling in the paperwork to request a new pass is, in his company, a well-known path to insanity. On top of the corporate inflicted excruciating admin intertwined with the entire process, he’d need three levels of approval and two new HR checks before they can grant him a new one.

As if Geto hasn’t been working there for ten years. There’s no trust, really. Which doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t trust them either. He sees their numbers, where their money goes and how much Geto and Yuki have to play around higher egos for their own careers. It doesn’t make sense.

Plus, Geto doesn’t want to go through the company’s data security training once again.

Gojo remerges wearing joggers and a white t-shirt, pass in his hand “Was in the bathroom.”

Where Geto changed clothes that morning. Figures.

“Oh, thank —“

The lanyard flips above his head, rigid plastic hitting his chest with a swing, fingers adjusting the collar of his borrowed shirt, Gojo’s face so close Suguru can count his eyelashes, feel his breath brushing on his skin. A soft, lingering warmth of an almost touch tickles his nape, and he sees Gojo indulging, hazy and lost, and Geto remembers. With lucidity — one rarely attached to his brain in those undescriptive long days — he knows the feeling of that hand on the back on his neck.

Except, of course, that he can’t. That’s a dream more than a memory, and uneasiness travels down his spine.

It’s not the intimacy nor the familiarity of it to nauseate him. It’s how he yearns; and equally, how that yearning’s alien, because it feels attached to a body that isn’t his own.

Something shifts in the air, which is tense now, and makes Gojo deliberately step away.

There isn’t a inch of regret in his face. The audacity.

“Your pass picture is awful.”

“I’ll pass your feedback to the photographer.”

“It’s a selfie, isn’t it?”

Suguru tilts his head and smiles. Gojo shakes his head “Unbelievable.”

Suguru plays with his pass to push back the ticking remains of Gojo. “I’ll get going then.”

“No,” Gojo fumbles for a second, fidgeting. Geto raises an eyebrow at him. “Have you eaten? Would you like to—“

“My break’s almost over.”

“Oh.”

His expression unravels in something vulnerable, too open, so that Suguru bites his tongue and doesn’t ask, did you feel that, too, just a moment ago? because it would sound deranged and like a cheap pick up line, playing into Gojo’s shameless flirting.

“Thanks for the rice, then.” Gojo clears his throat, starting to look a little bit like the man he meets at night.

It takes Geto a moment to understand he’s talking about the rice cooker. He nods, despite that machine not leaving him any other choice — minimum capacity was half a kilo. The design was for a family rather than a single man.

“Weirdly how the smell of fresh rice,” Gojo adds, “can make a place feel like home, uhm?”

☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

After, when Geto’s back in the office and his heart is rushing in the right anatomical places, the world realigns.

Of course, he’s probably catching a cold. He’s tired. The heat’s suffocating, never something he dealt well with at any point in his life, and his project’s deadline approaching. That’s all. Because what was he actually thinking. What was he actually feeling.

Maybe he should give in to Gojo. They should fuck. That will make him snap out of it.

☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

At night, he dreams of a warm blue spring.

There are flashes of lights — lazy days rushing to get the train; sun reflecting on transparent water; orange petals falling on an open cola can.

Waters ripples in perfect circles around his body, and there’s something else. It’s warm and dense on his face.

He thumbs it away. It’s blood.

Suguru jolts rather than wake. The alarm drills a hole in his brain, sharpening reality around him. He reaches for water before tending to his loud phone, desperate to temper the disgusting taste in his mouth. When water isn’t enough, he brushes and brushes his teeth and tongue, until he’s won by sickening persistence on his palate.

It makes him reject breakfast and skip coffee, leaving in a discombobulated haste to avoid peak rush hour. His thoughts go briefly to what he has to do — groceries, help Mimiko with her club’s project, dry clean Gojo’s suit — before the emails on his work phone start to ping up. A couple of commuters shots him some nasty stares, annoyed by the noise.

“Do you think there’s meaning in what you do?”

The mechanic pencil Itadori’s dragging on a notebook stops briefly, “In selling you our annual stock of umbrellas?”

Geto gives him a genuine smile. “Maybe?”

Itadori looks up, and takes in the two plain onigiri Geto placed on the counter. “Uhm, then, yes. You’re not getting rained on most days, no?”

“Is that enough?”

“I’m helping, somehow. Even by vehiculating capitalism, if you can believe it. And you know, I won’t be here forever. After graduation—“ and then he halts, head bobbing up the same way puppies do in front of a ball.

Suguru turns to find Gojo - grinning, one hand up to say hi - and Megumi trailing behind him.

“I’m sure Fushiguro will have a better answer,” Itadori says, leaning conspiratorially towards Geto “He’s smarter than me.”

“I’m not.” Fushiguro says, on cue, unceremoniously walking behind the counter and next to Itadori. He looks down at the notebook “But this is mostly wrong.”

Itadori squints “Where?”

“Here.” Gojo points somewhere in the notebook, crunching so that he can be at the same level of the two boys. He picks up the pencil, and points again, “But the real issue is…”

“Ohh.” Itadori muses, and follow with rapt, almost undivided attention, “Sensei, you could’ve make the coursework easier.”

Gojo laughs, while Fushiguro, almost completely overshadowed by the unprompted lesson, stares quietly at Itadori. Geto leaves the 300 yen for his dinner on the counter.

Before Gojo can finish his next string of explanations, Suguru grabs him by the collar of his shirt and yanks him upward, effectively lifting him with less strength that Geto thought he’d need. The man isn’t build to be lift as easily as a feather. Yet, past the initial faint supplies, he follows Geto's pull with little complain.

“What— are you doing?” Gojo glares at him, the down at Suguru’s grip on his collar, then back to where Suguru’s eyes are.

“Come,” he says, “Help me curse some minor criminal.”

☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

“I’m not six.”

“Your previous curse was about frogs.”

“And what’s your point?”

Gojo elbows him and tried to type down the screen, sunglasses firm in the top of his head.

“You’re good with kids.” Suguru says then, watching Gojo trying to type wart and on your face on the monitor.

The man barely shrugs. “I’m pretty sure Itadori’s twenty.”

A child in Geto’s eyes. A toddler. Geto’s twenty-eight, but he doesn’t remember being twenty. All he can pinpoint from that year are Mimiko’s school recital, Nanako’s first crush, the green mold eating their bathroom’s walls. “Shouldn’t he be in kindergarten then?”

Gojo side glances him “I thought you were my age? Don’t speak like an old man.”

Geto elbows him back. He should go back to the office. There’s so much left to do before he can wrap up for the day. “I never told you my age.”

“Well, then I hope you are. I’m twenty-nine in December.”

“Yeah.”

A huff. Gojo tilts his head to watch him, and Geto wonders how’s possible that looking at someone can leave you with such a warmness rooting in your chest. He swallows, the aftertaste of the morning still there, still a reminder of his fragmented sleep.

“So you teach?”

Gojo nods, “Yeah, Jujutsu Tech is just around the corner from here.”

Humming, Geto turns to the machine again. “You don’t look like a teacher.”

“I know, I’m definitely too attractive for the profession.”

“Absolutely not.”

There’s a laugh. “Well, I also work at my family’s company.”

This is where the late nights and expensive flat slots in. “Why do you also teach, then?”

“Because there’s meaning in that,” Gojo says, not thinking about it. “I’m raising a new generation, you know? Then they can sit where we are and take better decisions.”

Gojo doesn’t know how that makes Suguru’s heart sink. How it sounds stupid, because children talked like that; or people for whom the world was a blank canvas for them to paint.

“See?” Gojo smirks at him, filling the brief moment of silence “I persist to be the number one at lame. Where’s my trophy?”

Instead of scolding him, Suguru slaps away Gojo’s hands from the screen, and proceed to cancel every single word he typed.

“What on —“ he stops, for a moment “Steal this and you’ll find the love of your life? What kind of threat is that?”

“Don’t you know?” Gojo says, “There no curse more twisted than love.”

Suguru blinks. “Are you insane? Who speaks like this, anime characters?”

Satoru startles, faintly blushing, looking tremendously younger when his shoulder bumps into his. “You clearly haven’t been in love.”

“I have,” Suguru rebuts, “But love isn’t just romantic. How can you—“

Then he stops when Gojo focuses too closely on the machine, when he catches the veil of uneasiness at being betrayed by his own words. It dawns to him how Gojo, who’s always the biggest presence in the room, who seem to waltz in the world and get what he wants, who spends hours of his days hanging in a convenience store with his students, deep dark rings masterfully covered by his shades, might, in fact, be lonely.

“I’m not printing that.” Suguru says, at the end, looking away. “I’ll wish them to be eaten by a crab.”

It’s not that funny, but Gojo laughs regardless.

[bettercallroasty]

I made this for endometriosis awareness month which is March! It's important to spread awareness. It took me about 15 years to get a diagnosis. I am 3 months post total hysterectomy. I was hoping people would get interested if they saw something with one of their faves!

There is no cure, but certain things may alleviate the symptoms. It is grossly underdiagnosed, understudied, and underfunded. There are a wide variety of symptoms that vary from person to person. I only wrote SOME possible symptoms.

Other things that can cause similar symptoms are PCOS, adyemosis, and fibroids. Learn how to advocate for yourself and reach out to support groups. There are many online. A doctor should not be telling you it's "just a bad period" and writing you off.

Endometriosis can worsen and advance in stage over time. The only way to truly diagnose endometriosis is through exploratory laproscopic surgery. If Endometriosis is found, they will excise (cut it out) and run it through pathology. This is because endometriosis often does not show up I'm imaging. If you have a clean ultrasound, CT scan, or MRI, this does NOT mean your issues are in your head. Your best bet is to find an OBGYN who specializes in endometriosis and uterus diseases. After excision, Endometriosis is likely to grow back. However it's managed depends on you and your body. Do a lot of research, and don't be afraid to turn down a treatment plan if it makes you uncomfortable. Not all cases have to end in hysterectomy.

And when all else fails, better call saul! Medical malpractice attorney!

[mismatchedtwins]

Mismatched Twins AU - Take Three

The silence stretches; his words sink in.

Leo laughs in the face of the uncertainty and confusion, breaking the eye contact to focus on the wound. Adrenaline wakes him up, unleashing a dizzying heat that burns the slimy coating of uncertainty. “You- You are so right. So right. I do not believe you.”

The arm shifts as the turtle shrugs. “After the first few counterparts, you learn to just accept it.”

Leo isn’t going to touch that. “So do I get a real name, or-?”

“That is my real name.”

“No, really, I get it. Haha-! You know way too much about me and my family! The ones on the other side of that locked portal I can’t open, hilarious!” Leo hisses with a mock smile, flashing gritted teeth and trying not to give into the baited frustration.

There’s no way that this guy is pulling this while he’s an entire prison dimension away from the twin that he’s never going to help take over to the world, or the big brother he can’t properly apologize to, or his feisty baby brother that he’s never going to see grow up.

It’s twisted and demented on so many levels.

He shakes his head, swallowing the pain. “Comedic gold or whatever, but there’s no way in this or any other hell that I’m calling you that, so I’d prefer your real name.”

The turtle’s fingers drum against his thigh as Leo waits, determined to get up and leave- aching back or not- if this guy tries to press the inconsiderate and cruel narrative.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Then stop being suck a jerk.” Leo accuses heatedly. His companion shrinks guiltily. The lack of denial otherwise boosts his confidence. “How are you even here?”

“I don’t- know where here is?” The turtle scuffs the ground with his heel. “I didn’t really come by choice.”

It suddenly dawns on Leo that he’s locked himself in a prison for the worst of the worst. He could very easily be assisting another ancient interplanetary mass murderer. But…

As much as the anger swirling in his gut wants to believe that, he can still picture the determination in his eyes as he drew the most deadly creature alive away from Leo’s position. There was no reason for him to save his life or return his sword for him to escape, especially when he had to know that he couldn’t beat him. Krang would have killed him if Leo hadn’t intervened. It was insane.

And he’s the reason that Leo’s not dead.

So, benefit of the doubt, for now.

“It’s some old dimension prison. Made for ugly mc violent back there.” Leo watches his face for any sign of recognition. “Impossible to get into. And out of.”

He chuckles, humorless. “Not for Aeons, I guess.”

“Is… That what you are?” Leo tries, cautiously. “An Eon?”

“Aeon.” The turtle corrects with the dry sound of someone who does it on a daily basis. “And no, I’m not. It’s an alien species. One in my city, hurting my family. It already hurt Splinter.” He pauses, quieting. “She wants to wipe out everything, and she’s using someone I care about to do it.”

Well, that makes two of them, only Leo solved that problem. “So… What are you doing here? Am I going to have to worry about an Eon problem here to-?”

Like he doesn’t have enough to deal with already.

“Aeon. And, I doubt it. She must’ve sent me here because I was getting through.” The turtle finally looks up. Any confidence is gone, leaving a meek uncertainty that makes it really hard for Leo to keep being mad at him. “They’re still in danger. My brothers. Everyone. I know it. I have to get home.”

The story is incredibly far-fetched. And way to similar to his own to not be some forged copy. Not a villain, but possibly a pathological liar.

“So remember that whole, no getting in or out, thing?” Leo asks. “Still true. Place is sealed tight. Nothing’s getting out of here.”

“I am.” He announces, like nothing could be more simple. The sun rises, pizza’s delicious, and this turtle is going to break out of the dimension that the strongest, scariest, most feared alien species in all the universe couldn’t break out of. “I have to.”

“It’s not possible.” He expresses. “It’s actually pretty impossible.”

“Just because no one has done it before doesn’t mean that it can’t be done.” The causal air has Leo shaking his head.

What is his luck lately?

He’s stuck in a dimensional prison with a turtle who has a terrible sense of humor, a suspicious amount of information, and no idea what kind of horror that he’s gotten himself into.

Can’t anything be easy? Doesn’t he deserve that much?

The turtle, who still can’t even look at his injury for more than two seconds, tries to claim. “I’m pretty much a pro at cracking the impossible by now.”

“Some things aren’t supposed to be cracked.” Leo unwraps his own wrist wraps as the turtle watches with a frown, struggling a bit to copy the trick with his sword. “And unless you know anything about ancient mystics, I doubt we’re breaking out anytime soon.”

“Interesting.” He mutters. “Is that what you did? With the blue light and the gateway? Magic?”

“Mystics.” Leo corrects, bringing the arm back within reach. “Geez, don’t you listen? It’s not the hard.”

The turtle opens and shuts his mouth, dumbfound by Leon’s obvious superiority. Sounds like someone needs to do better research. And he tried to call himself a Donatello. Please.

“But the Kraang don’t use… mystics.” The turtle continues. Leo’s heart skips a beat, brain catching up with the accent on the name. “They harness technology. Like the big guy’s suit.”

“Maybe they don’t use mystics, but they sure know how to take it.” Leo snaps as he begins wrapping the wound. “Stupid Krang and his stupid screams- eugh, that’s totally what he’s going to go for next. How did I not know that? That’s just what I need, to lose-”

“OW!” The turtle tears his arm back, clutching it to his chest. He quickly unwraps some of Leo’s admittedly tight work, leaving Leo’s hand blankly extended as he cradles it and pouts, “You always this aggressive with your patients?”

“No.” Leo states, dryly. “Just you.”

“Special treatment.” The turtle mutters. “Goody.”

He gets up on shaky legs, without letting Leo finish, and puts a few steps between them. He gets about one loop around his arm before his attention is drawn away. To what, who knows, but now he’s staring out into the blacks and grays of what’s probably the sky? like it’s the most interesting thing that he’s ever seen.

Blood loss is getting this guy good.

“Heeey, buddy.” Leo snaps a few times and the turtle blinks dazedly.

He looks over and Leo coaxes, “You might want to come sit down.”

“But it’s debris.” The turtle announces, voice high with the eager tint of discovery. Leo blocks out the image of his twin’s sleepy grin as he literally drags him out of bed at three in the morning. “Floating debris!”

“That’s great and all, but you’re not looking too good.’’

The turtle holds up a finger and then picks up a rock from the ground. He throws it into the distance and then ducks down with his hands over his head like a totally sane person. When nothing happens, he opens one eyes, then the other, and then stands with a disappointed sort of, “Oh.”

“How sad,” Leo pacifies carelessly. “Second’s up. C’mere.”

“Everything else is dead. Can physics die?” The turtle asks and then plows through before he gets an answer, “No, no, NO, it’s another dimension with its own properties with its own massive, freaky Kraang and I just need to figure it out. JUST like dimension X. But not.” He looks to the closest edge. “Bad idea to walk off the side?”

“Horrible idea.” Leo’s a frustrating mixture of baffled and amused. Despite every urge to stay grumpy, he can’t help the humor that stirs in his chest. “No, wait, mind chaaange. Go for it. Totally a good idea. Best idea, in fact. Couldn’t be better.”

“Hmm.” The turtle looks at him with these big, debating eyes and then takes a few steps forward and a laugh punches out of Leo ‘cause holy guacamole, he actually just convinced this guy to walk off a cliff. “Wai-wai-wai-wait! Guy! No!”

He’s snickering when the turtle turns back with the most puzzled look, like he has no idea why Leo’s preventing him from launching himself into the black nothingness of the void. “Kidding! Guy, do not do that.”

“I was going to get a head start,” The turtle grumbles as if that should make all the difference. Leo sits up when he doesn’t stop his trek, morbidly curious to see if he’s about to throw himself off the edge. Unfortunately, hot lightning bites down his spine and blurs his vision. He winces, letting his head fall back with a heavy exhale.

He lets his eyes shut, opening them when the pain fades. His heart skips a beat, eyes widening when he realizes that the turtle has disappeared. Eugh boy.

“…Guy?” He reluctantly forces himself to his feet, slow, this time. He grabs his blade and ignores every inch of him that bites and burns. “You better not have gone splat because that’s the last thing that I want to see today.” Leo reaches the edge, slinging his odachi and falling heavily to his knees before peeking over. “I’ve got enough nightmare fuel to last a-AAGGH.”

He shrieks as something grabs his arm and drags him over the side.

He expects to go flying, but his feet somehow manage to find purchase and now he’s simply standing and screaming. His scream slowly tampers off as the turtle stares at him with an eye ridge raised in judgement. Leo wheezes in air, confused, “Wha-?”

“I was thinking.” The turtle muses, cupping his chin and stepping away. “If he’s equipped with a suit, then that stands to reason that they use technology. So there has to be some variation of ship around here somewhere. Or a Kraang base.”

Leo stares at him. He stares back expectantly.

“I think all that’s in here is death and rocks.” Leo rubs his chest with a light wince. Man, he hates standing. And breathing.

But since air is entering his lungs anyway… “Also are we upside down right now? Is this not blowing your mind? Because I feel like you’re not acknowledging how mind blowing this is.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” The turtle admits, ignoring Leo’s mock whisper of “what is your life?” as he adds, “I bet I can find a portal out of here if I just-”

“Guy, you are clearly not paying attention.” Leo folds his hands and points his fingers tips at the stranger. “This is a million-year-old Krang prison. We are prisoners. The only way out is a key that my brothers have, and they’re destroying it and never, ever, ever, ever, eeeeveeerrr-” He draws the word out nice and long to ignore the fear dawning in brown eyes, “-opening this place up ‘cause otherwise Mr. Nightmare Incarnate back there is going to destroy everything.”

As much as the blantant horror has the writhing guilt making him want to throw himself off the edge for utterly ruining someone else’s day, he’s relieved that he’s finally getting through to him.

“You- you mean…” Something changes as he scans Leo’s face, overcome by disbelief. “They just… Left you here?”

And, hey, when it’s said out loud it does sound awful enough that a new physical ache thuds in tune with his heartbeat.

“No way.” He scoffs, smile wide. “I dragged big and mean in here. It’s their job to keep him from getting out.”

The turtle frowns, and Leo recognizes the emotion for what it is: pity.

“But what about you?”

“It’s not about me.” His hand hovers over the belt where his picture sits tucked safely away. “It’s about the world. The universe! Some things are just a lil’ bigger than me.” He chuckles, weak, and keeps a steady watch on the nothing behind the turtle. “They know that.”

The turtle sighs, “There are those days…”

Leo gives him a curious look and his eyes harden, “Which is exactly why I have to get back.”

The turtle looks up and Leo lets his body sag dramatically in disbelief. Which, yeah, it hurt, but what was this guy’s problem? “Guy, you are a really bad listener! Seriously bad! The worst! We’re-”

“TRAPPED! YES!” He whirls. “MY EARS WORK VERY WELL!”

The shift between level-headed and hysterically shrill has Leo both disturbed, impressed, and slightly fearful for his life.

The turtle runs a hand down his face and then kicks at the ground with a vengeful force. Before Leo can decide if he should poke the bear- er, turtle, he’s rambling, “I understand perfectly. I mean, it makes perfect sense! Why shouldn’t the impossibility powerful immortal alien know about a dimensional prison and how to send me to it? Why wouldn’t I get STUCK in here with a creep who likes beating turtles and a turtle who wants to be beaten?”

Leo raises a hand but doesn’t wait to be called on, “I wouldn’t say I-”

“Then WHY are you so against me finding a WAY OUT?!”

Leo’s mouth opens but no words leave. He swallows thickly, blood mingled with spit, and the turtle scowls, “I HAVE to get home. Maybe YOU don’t, but MY brothers need… Me.”

His eyes fall to the ground, energy gone. “They need me, and they all think I’m…”

The turtle doesn’t finish, something raw and dense fogging the air, and then he’s looking back at Leo. Firm. Determined.

“I have to get home.” He decides as Leo tries to recover from the empathic whiplash that he’s being subjected to. “Without me, they probably would do something stupid like locking themselves in a prison dimension with no known back door.”

“Stupid-!” Leo finally finds his voice, only to wince at the sudden wave of too much air in crushed lungs. The turtle pulls out his grapple. “If I have to create a back door, then so be it. I can’t sit around and wait for that giant Krang to hunt me down and finish me off. Not when they need me.”

He looks at Leo, “You seem to know way more about this place than I do. We’d stand a better chance together. If you can get me to my dimension, then I believe I can take you home. If there’s no way out, so be it. I’d rather die trying than lazy.”

“It’s not lazy. It’s rational.” Leo shakes a hand at his side. “You don’t know what I know. If Krang finds you…”

“So I won’t let him.” The turtle bites before he groans, “Look, I won’t stand in your way if you want to sit and wait, but I have places to be. So are you coming or not?

Leo knows the right answer. He’s aching and bruised and cracked in more ways than one. He wasn’t stupid when he dragged Krang in here and he’s not going to be stupid and merely trust that this turtle who knows nothing about mystics is actually going to make it anywhere but back under Krang’s brutal fist.

On the same token- he’s about to leave. He’s about to leave Leo alone to suffer in the expanding dark and echoing silence surrounded by obliteration and death just so Leo can live a few extra hours of misery before Krang inevitably finds him and finishes him off.

He’s probably the only reason that Leo even survived this long…

But. Um. Maybe… Maybe going is what Master Leonardo would do. He’d give this guy a helping hand. Right? The guy’s weird, and probably a stalker, but he’s clearly desperate. It’d be, heroic, of Leo.

It wouldn’t be Leo being selfish. That would him staying.

He’s be being… Selfless. This way. So.

“A’right, guy.” Leo announces as he strolls forward, pretending not to notice him stiffen as he grabs his elbow and points to the loose bandage. “I’ll give you my invaluable company, but only if you stop refusing Dr. Leon M.D.’s treatment. Can’t be your wing man if you’re walking around clipping your own wings.”

“…Deal.” The turtle agrees after a blank stare at his arm, like the fact that green scales were painted scarlet had never crossed his mind.

Leo peels the bandage off. “Great. So sit down.”

The turtle looks at his grapple. “But-”

“Ah-ah-ah!” He tsks. “Sit.”

“Do I really have t-”

Leo shoves the turtle, who yelps as he hits the ground. He points downward like a disapproving master over a naughty dog. “Sit.”

The turtle grimaces, “Fine.”

He grins. “Good boy.”

Previous Current Next

[dykeiism]

whenever i see people talking about the purpose of mental health diagnoses, three reasons usually come up:

to encourage self-understanding

to concisely describe treatment options to professionals

to gain access to resources and accomodations

but it's hard for me to agree with any of these. given the harm associated with diagnosis, especially diagnosis of a personality disorder, i'm finding it increasingly difficult to justify diagnosing any mental disorder at all. below the cut is a breakdown of each of these three reasons, and why i believe that none of them hold up to criticism.

(1) to encourage self-understanding.

diagnostic criteria are so rigid that they discourage self-understanding. they fragment the human experience, categorizing it into easily digestible groups of "symptoms" rather than understanding a person's struggles holistically. this is why we have a phenomenon of people thinking, "well, my anxiety tells me this, but my depression tells me that" and "i'm having an intrusive thought but can't tell if it's coming from my ocd, ptsd, or bpd." diagnosis misleads patients into believing that, much like one might cough due to either pollen in the lungs or a respiratory illness, one might feel anxious due to either their generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis or their post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis. a more accurate understanding of the human mind would necessarily involve doing away with the pathology of gad versus ptsd, and instead being able to understand that the anxiety might simply result from a combination of previous negative experiences, a naturally sensitive personality, and underdeveloped emotion regulation skills. a diagnosis is a description of a pattern of thoughts and behaviours; nothing more. my mental health conditions don't cause me to think or behave a certain way. rather, my thoughts and behaviours are similar to the thoughts and behaviours of other people who have also been deemed mentally sick. this makes it possible for doctors to use a certain diagnosis as a shorthand to describe my personality and skills (i refuse to call such things "symptoms") to other doctors. it does not mean that i have a sickness that causes me to think and act in certain way.

why would i want to understand myself through the lens of a psychiatrist, anyways? psychiatry is a deeply individual solution to systemic problems. we're living in a world that evolution could not prepare us for, yet we are told that there's something wrong with our brains if we're unable to adapt to these unprecedented living conditions. i refuse to believe that my brain is sick unless somebody has looked at my brain and can tell me where the sickness is. we must not forget that we're dealing with the discipline that understood homosexuality and hysteria as mental illnesses, and that initially understood autism to be a form of schizophrenia.

(2) to concisely describe treatment options to professionals

imagine, if you will, someone with post-traumatic stress disorder. all you know about them is that they have ptsd. now, recommend a treatment method for them!

nobody can give a good treatment recommendation based on that diagnosis alone. more information is needed: is the patient dealing with persistent general anxiety, sudden panic attacks, or a phobia? does the patient have compulsions? is the patient aggressive, anxious, or depressive? depending on the answers, the ideal treatment plan will be quite different.

now let's consider borderline personality disorder. there are 4 types of bpd and there are 256 possible ways to combine the 5 symptoms required for diagnosis (there are 9 symptoms in total). the personalities, cognitive abilities, and struggles of people diagnosed with bpd are quite diverse, and they will all require varying types and degrees of professional intervention. that being said, bpd is almost always treated with dbt and a few medication options including antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and anticonvulsants. there are so many other disorders that are treated with dbt and the same drugs. so why make bpd, bipolar, ptsd, cptsd, and depression their own diagnoses? what reason is there, other than to fragment our struggles and generate stigma?

my wish for the future of psychiatry is that, instead of being diagnosed with a disorder that is simultaneously very specific yet inexplicably vague, patients will be told "your struggles are related to trauma and emotional dysregulation. i recommend that you take an antidepressant and attend dialectical behavioural therapy sessions," or "your struggles are related to catastrophization and unhelpful behaviours, i recommend that you engage in cognitive behavioural therapy."

(3) to gain access to resources and accommodations

there are better ways to do this. i don't think anyone should be turned away from the accommodations that they need. however, if resources are scarce and must be gatekept, then a simple interview or quotient test will be sufficient in determining the level of need.

[ffb6c1lover]

The Madrigals and Anxiety

so, I think it's not a controversial statement to say that anxiety runs in the family... what I find oddly cute is that a lot of nervous ticks or outbursts are very similar to those of other family members, but let's proceed with order.

Alma, Isabela

Alma had it hard. I think homegirl is the culprit, but she probably had an anxious gene in her before everything.

do we need to explain what her anxiety looks like? absolute perfectionism to the point of insanity so people won't turn on her, constantly making Bruno check the future for possible dangers, self-soothing behaviours (asking Pedro for help, wearing the mourning shawl), always needing to keep a watchful eye on everyone, you name it.

The perfectionism moved straight through to Isabela. There's a whole song about not meeting expectations, so I don't think I need to go fruther into it.

Pepa

Pepa is another obvious one. Her anxiety is palpable throughout most of the movie and it is, unlike her mum, mostly related to things that are not life-or-death situations (Antonio's party needing to be perfect).

She is constantly seen spiralling and using self-soothing rituals (hair touching, "clear skies"), often to no avail.

Her mood swings and irritability outbursts are also proof of anxiety.

Bruno

Before you come at me!! He clearly has OCD... It's in the script so it was meant like this. And I know people say he was just superstitious, but I come from a very superstitious culture and it's not like that 😭

I can prove it!!

Throwing salt. It is usually done after you have spilled it. Bruno had not spilled any salt before the throwing over the shoulder. It is an act that is meant to cancel bad luck from an extremely specific action that he had not done.

Knock knock knock knock knock knock on wood. You are supposed to knock twice, say it once, only after someone has said something good you don't wanna jinx or bad you wanna prevent. Bruno hasn't been talking to anyone in 10 years, it's just a ritual to him at this point OR it's a reaction to his own thoughts. Superstitious people don't do things based on their thoughts: that's OCD. Also the number of knocks and the one on the head is oddly specific and not related to any superstitious beliefs as far as I'm aware.

Fingers crossed. Again, you do that when you are hoping for something good, but nothing happened he might want to cross his fingers for, it's just another ritual. Also, all of these rituals are kind of contradicting each other (hoping for something/trying to prevent something), he's just trying to bring as much good luck as possible.

I'm not saying he is not superstitious, he very much is, but his superstition pathologized to the point of becoming an illness. This is not how someone who's simply superstitious acts.

He also has a generally nervous attitude and lots of self-soothing movements, like the rubbing his arm we'll get to later.

The only other explanation could be that he thinks he is the bad luck, but that still does not explain things like the crossed fingers.

Julieta, Camilo, Mirabel

They don't look like they struggle a lot with anxiety (I am only talking about the actual condition, not genuine worry that has a reason of being like Casita breaking or not receiving a gift). They are all very accustomed to dealing with anxious family members though and they are good at it.

Mirabel is probably the more anxious among the three, but she is also an incredible supporter for Toñito, who's not getting his own section simply because his fear was very much justified, but for a literal 5yo his anxiety shows great promise of becoming just like his mum's.

Honourable mention in this section goes to Félix and Agustìn, we stan some supportive husbands and fathers.

Luisa

My baby. The first time we see her as being relevant plot-wise is literally because her eye was twitching. Her character arc is learning to chill. I rest my case.

Dolores

Now, Dolores is a bit trickier, because she is not as loud as the rest of her family. She does always seem to be extremely on edge though and she is often doubting herself (she stopped believing someone was in the walls despite hearing Bruno for 10+ years because they told her it was not possible).

I don't know whether it's canon or if I've read too much fanfiction, but her room is supposed to have some degree of soundproofing, that she doesn't use because she needs to hear if her family needs help (Luisa's eye twitch).

Finally...

The similar twitches and anxious responses

The arm-rub of Luisa and Bruno (+ supportive sisters <3<3<3<3<3)

The hand movement while screaming, like mother like daughter

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Bachelor Daniil Dankovsky

So uhhh.... Turns out my priorities aren't as messed up as I thought, which is why it took me a whole month just to finish this thing. Let's cover some basics shall we? The approximate structure will, depending on the length of this analysis, go as follows: I’m gonna tackle Patho Classic and the three healers from each other’s perspective, look at shared dialogue options and then talk about all the other important NPCs and how they interact with the playable characters. Since Patho 2 only has the Haruspex run, we’re gonna move through that a lot faster in a similar fashion, and then we’ll look over Marble Nest.

What I’m going to be focusing on: there’s a huge amount of dialogue between all the characters in the story, and I couldn’t possibly note down all the differences at once. I will mainly be trying to relay the “voice” of the character that is present in the original Russian version and noting the biggest differences. If there are also pieces of dialogue that shine a different light on a few story aspects, I will point these out too. Mainly I will talk about how the characters in these interactions seem to treat each other (which will be difficult, since opinions of characters change frequently in this game), note interesting mannerisms and sometimes quote the fun differences and try and fail to explain why the use of this specific idiom is funny in this context. Sooooo yeah.

The Bachelor

The Bachelor in the other characters’ campaigns is, as we all know, a drastically different character. Before I dive nose deep, I’m gonna establish what kind of impression we have of our English Bachelor, so we can compare and contrast things easily.

Daniil in the English version is, as we all know, a prickly prick. He speaks in a usually rather conceited manner, gets irritated with people easily and likes to throw in latin phrases at random points. He sees himself as smarter than everyone else which then in turn leads to him being manipulated by most people that he meets. He’s having a no good, very bad week and he will let people know about it. In the Haruspex campaign the “asshole” part of his character seems to be a bit diminished, and when watching him interact with Artemy, I almost saw something similar to… Respect? He even appeals to Artemy’s knowledge of the kin, as opposed to his own Capital beliefs, when asking him to save the Polyhedron. In the Changeling campaign the Bachelor’s prickly prick factor is ramped up to a hundred. He’s arrogant, talks down to Clara while also being heavily dependent on her and does his best to seem unaffected by all the shit hitting the fan.

Overall, he does give off an impression of a capital dandy that’s in way over his head in both campaigns, and has a very distinct voice and mannerisms. Partially I’d attribute that to the fact that the speech quirk of “randomly starts speaking latin like a pretentious asshole” was a rather easy thing to translate. So, what do we get when we meet the Bachelor in Russian?

As the Haruspex: Before I even discuss the tone, I want to set a little groundwork - although it might be something people already know if they're that deep into learning about an obscure Russian game. And that is - the use of “you” in the Russian language. Similar to German, we have two versions: formal and informal. 

The formal version - “вы” (vy - phonetics are difficult) - is used in Russian when referring to strangers, figures of authority, people older than you, people whom you respect, as well as a group of people.

The informal version - “ты” (ty - once again, phonetics are stupid) - is used when speaking to a friend, someone younger than you (like a child), someone you have no respect for, or someone you’re familiar with. Also family, even if they’re older. This being said, for 90% of the time in the Haruspex campaign, the Bachelor uses the informal “you” when speaking to Artemy. More on that as we get into the nitty gritty.

Dankovsky’s tone throughout this campaign is separated into 2 groups - before and after you receive a letter with his list of Bound, where he decides to dedicate himself to the Kain's cause and to saving the Polyhedron. I’m not sure if that is clearly visible in the English version - reading them side by side has blurred a lot of things for me, but it’s quite apparent in the Russian version. 

In terms of consistent mannerisms, there is one detail that I think doesn’t shine as well in English as it does in Russian. You’d think that our bachelor of medicine would speak in a very formal tone, using big boy words and scientific terms only. You would be wrong.

The Bachelor speaks in very “deliberate” sentences. It’s like he is trying to get all the possible clarifications out of the way, before getting to the point of the sentence. That doesn’t make him sound formal or anything. He uses diminutives and “rough” words every now and then, and doesn’t overcomplicate his sentences too much.When I say rough words, I don’t mean cussing, per se. In fact, other than the equivalent of “damn” (which literally translates into something like “imp”) Daniil doesn’t swear at all. Even when he calls the Haruspex a bastard in English, in Russian it’s a lot softer and more akin to “scoundrel.” Rough words, I guess, would be more like… “Lower-class” slang terms. I say lower-class because for a long time many words in Russia were considered to be unacceptable, since they were, or at least were reminiscent of, prison talk. The closest example I can think of in English is the way one person might say “making love” and another one might say “screwing.” Except in Russian, there are “rough” words for eating, going somewhere, etc. And the Bachelor, even though you’d expect him to be a high-strung formal ass, is very liberal with those words. This goes into contrast with what we get in the English version, where he seems to mostly use very formal language, except for a few moments of frustration.

In the first half of the Haruspex campaign, Daniil speaks in an overall warmer tone, starting out with what seems to be boundless enthusiasm. It’s only slightly mitigated by the frustration towards the townspeople. In English he sounds like he’s only frustrated, but in Russian it sounds like he’s frustrated because of how much he wants to help. He expresses a lot of his frustration by riddling his speech with tiny connector words, as if rushing the other person to respond. It’s like if there were a bunch of different alternatives to the word “then,” and you’d see him being like “Well tell me then, what, then, is this thing?” This creates an appearance of impatience, desperation, and helplessness. Which is what I imagine the player would feel at that time in the Bachelor run. Anyways, now onto the fun little details.

Everyone’s beloved “far be it from me to call myself a person of mystical inclinations...” line is, for the most part, pretty accurate. The biggest difference, from what I found, is in the first sentence itself. In Russian, it’s simply “Yes… Mystical feelings/sensations are alien/foreign to me.” Everything else is pretty much the same. Though, tone wise, the sheer presence of an informal “you” makes it a lot more personal. Instead of someone talking about an odd, otherworldly and foreboding feeling, the tone is more of a person bitterly commenting on an unfortunate and cruel burden that they realise they share with another person.

Day 2 and it’s main quest have a fun little detail that I will talk about later when we discuss formalities a little more, but for now I will simply note that throughout all of Day 2, the Bachelor speaks to Burakh using the formal version of “you” (and being addressed informally right back). But also, in one of the dialogues that happens during that quest Artemy says “I’m beginning to like you, oynon” the Russian version instead has “I’m liking you more and more, oynon” which is a fun detail that I think some people may appreciate.After examining the samples, you can ask the Bachelor what he is working on now. In his reply he says he’s looking for the sources of the outbreak and needs hard evidence. In the Russian text, he specifically says he needs evidence of himself being right. In the rest of his dialogues he seems rather open-minded to unorthodox practices, as much as he sneers at them, but in this particular case he seems focused specifically on being correct, rather than right. Not too empirical of him, smh.

I found this difference absolutely hilarious. I imagine the main reason that this line was translated the way it was is because they wanted to maintain the tone of suspicion coming from the Bachelor. In a more literal translation (and keep in mind, this all has a bunch of little words strewn in to pad out the sentences) Dankovsky says something more like “And what sort of specimen is that?” except it’s not “specimen” it’s “subject” which in Russian can point to a person, and it’s very difficult to convey the absolute snark that comes with this question. Imagine a suburban mother in a polka dot apron and red glasses, as she stares down a dead bird that her child has brought in from the backyard. There’s suspicion, a hint of disgust, and a demand to know why this is being brought to their attention. That being said, I don’t know if there was a better way to translate this. Maybe “Who the hell is that?” is the best way to convey this. I just wanted to point out how starkly different it is in Russian.

Interesting difference here: in the English version the Bachelor says “Your father was a natural.” Here, the specific word used usually refers to a gemstone, something extremely valuable. A literal translation of the word would be “self-born.”

Additionally, Dankovsky seems to speak very fondly of Rubin throughout the campaign. Like, it’s something that’s present in the English version, I guess, but in Russian it genuinely seems that the two share a strong bond. There is a lot more warmth when talking about his expertise, and a lot more concern and sadness, when it's implied that he might be in danger.

Two things about this. 1: The whole “half-dead” thing is absolutely hilarious in Russian. Essentially the word that he uses can be loosely likened to smth like “half-corpselings” with the use of diminutives, as if the bacteria were a bunch of tiny little guys that were about to die. More to my argument that the Bachelor doesn’t sound professional, just very deliberate. Secondly, the whole “Oh yes, I would very much like to have a serious talk with Rubin” makes it sound like he’s an angry parent whose kid is absolutely in trouble. In Russian, he sounds like he’s talking about meeting up with a college buddy, or as if the desire to ask for someone else’s assistance is a sudden urge. That comes specifically from the word he uses - охота (okhóta). The primary meaning of this word is “a hunt.” But it can also mean a desire, or want to do something, often paired with the fact that it’s something that you can’t or won’t do at the moment.

Fucking this. I was so flabbergasted by this line when I came across it, because the entire Haruspex campaign these two get along really well. And then this happens, and it suddenly sounds like the Bachelor is spitefully making fun of Burakh for not finding something that they both believe is impossible to find. Like, it was so mean and petty and out of the blue, it immediately paints an image of someone who lashes out the moment they have to admit defeat - which is not something the Bachelor has been doing so far. In the original Russian dialogue? “Yes, after everything you were unable to find this creature.” Or something to that effect. I’m translating the vibes here to my best ability. Oddly enough, this is one of the instances in which the Bachelor uses the informal version of “you” again. It’s not mockery. This is Daniil drawing the line of all that he could accomplish, but also all the things he tried to help realise, all the people he supported, before he is executed (at least he thinks he will be). He mentions being unable to look in the eye of everyone he failed earlier in the conversation, referring to his colleagues at Thanatica, but at the same time - at this point he’s already insisted that he wants himself and Burakh to collaborate and sees their separate goals as one. Artemy’s unfortunate conclusion is one he feels partially responsible for. The meaning and vibe of the sentence goddamn changes near everything about this interaction! It goes from spiteful gloating of a cornered, near dead man, trying to find solace in another person’s failings, to instead something more akin to… Regret? Pity? Empathy? That’s it, Marble Nest, I’m coming for your “oooh, Bachelor Dankovsky has no heart” bullshit.

That being said, after the Inquisitor’s appearance, the tone that Daniil takes on shifts drastically. I wasn’t able to find or remember when he sends his letter about the Bound, but I’m pretty sure it all happens around the same time. And the main idea of that is - the Bachelor has his own agenda now. He’s found out about what happened to Thanatica and is now dead set on preserving the only other miracle he knows of - the Polyhedron. And, maybe I’m getting a little to interpret-y here, but seeing as the Haruspex can help lead to that goal of his, the Bachelor then starts giving Burakh the same treatment that the Kains have been giving him. 

His tone becomes a lot more familiar, a lot more personal. He constantly brings up the things that he’s done for Artemy and the looming threat of the town getting shelled. Oh, and I’m pretty sure around that time he also starts calling him by his first name. He does his best to act like he really cares about what the “udurgh” can be, while pushing his own idea, and condemning Aglaya for doing the same. He also doesn’t use those little exasperated and rushed filler words in his speech, despite the situation being arguably a lot worse. I remember seeing some of that even in the English version, but I don’t know if it’s the fact that I got to see all the dialogue, or that some Russian words just hit different, but it’s a lot more apparent when looking at it now.

Now here’s a moment where I’m a bit lost as to what translation I prefer. I want all these characters to get along in a universe where they’re nice and kind to each other, but that’s simply not Pathologic. Besides, if I’m sticking to my interpretation, I should really be telling y’all that the Russian version is more effective. Because in Russian, dude literally says “I’m sorry if you thought I was condescending” or something to that extent that would imply that him being an ass is simply Burakh’s own misinterpretation. But hey, this is also the conversation in which he decided to “play unfair” and pressure Artemy into speaking to the Foreman in his stead, so it’s not like this changes much. Maybe being manipulated for what, a whole week now, has finally gotten to him, or he’s just gotten familiar enough to use such tactics - interpret it how you will.

More fun differences - when asking the Bachelor about how to get into the Polyhedron, he will mention Maria and Khan getting into a spat and not being on good terms. In Russian, he refers to her as “my Maria” which he hasn’t done before or since (at least between these two).

That’s all I’ve got about the campaign as it is, but I’ve also promised a little tangent about formality and so here it is. Throughout the entire campaign, there are only a few instances in which the Bachelor addresses the Haruspex using the formal version of “you.” Those instances are: 1 - when asking him about his inheritance. 2 - when talking about chimaeras and how they don’t exist before heading off to face the Inquisitor. And 3 - when you’re speaking to him late at night. Instances in which he’s either asking you to leave him alone, or offering to use his own bed to rest in. My theory is that the Bachelor - as far as I’ve read in his interactions with Burakh - switches to a formal tone (with people who he’d usually speak to informally) if he is uncomfortable. Consider: he uses the formal version of “you” when speaking to Artemy about his inheritance - because that’s a really awkward topic. He needs to get crucial information from Isidor’s notes asap, but the person he has to speak to about them is the man’s grieving son, who’s still being blamed for his death. Awkward as hell. Next instance? He thinks he’s about to be offed by the inquisitor and is (at least in my interpretation) expressing a degree of guilt for the failures of someone who’s at the very least an acquaintance at this point. Very uncomfortable, especially for someone with an ego as big as the Bitchelor’s. And lastly - late at night, tired out of his mind, having to either turn away a guest, or offer them his own bed. Both awkward and uncomfortable things to do, for a city boy. Now, this is, of course just from what I can see of Daniil in the Haruspex route, my conclusions might change drastically when I get through the other interactions, but it's still a fun difference.

And I would say that about wraps it up for the Bachelor in the Haruspex run. The biggest differences have been mainly the fact that he is a lot less formal than his English counterpart, the interesting insights that come with addressing your fellow doctor formally, and the very precise moment where Daniil’s kind and determined attitude turns to that of a manipulative snake.

On a quick tangent here about that, actually - in both the English and Russian version, you can very much engage in a way that allows Burakh to catch on to the Bitchelor’s tricks, and even start lying back to him, when you’re trying to gain access to the Polyhedron. But there is a certain bitterness present in these interactions that I’m not sure is well conveyed. Maybe it’s in the way Artemy himself speaks like an old soul, a fairytale wiseman, that makes these interactions that much more saddening. It’s especially visible in the dialogue where he tells Dankovsky that they’re dolls - it’s sad in the English version, but god if it isn’t absolutely tragic in Russian. And weirdly enough, I feel like a little bit more of that could have been conveyed if people opted for the clunkier but more literal translation? Like what I imagine the old translation was, that everyone complained so much about. Like, if the line “They don’t love us, but they way.” was instead. “We aren’t loved, by the way.” I think it’s a bit more personal, a bit more sad, and doesn’t have the “they” in it, which I feel makes it a little more… Potent. In fact, for most of that dialogue, the “they” is omitted in Russian, because grammar and all, except for the moments where Burakh explicitly mentions the children. And I like that more, I think. It’s not about what the powers that be are doing in the sandbox. It’s about how their dolls feel. How they’ve been stuck into this situation and how they aren’t loved. Even the line of “I hope my side wins” is different, instead it’s more like “I hope I’m won with” as if these characters were a means to an end and they are!! They are a means to an end! They’re dolls!! It’s a lot. This is already long enough and I have the Changeling to deal with. However, as this turned out to be a lot longer than anticipated, I will have to give that it's own post as well. Feedback, question or recommendations on how to format this better are always appreciated)

[the-bi-space-ace]

Artemy Burakh: A Fixer

This is not my usual Star Wars related post BUT I do think that if you have similar interests to me you might want to read this post and perhaps find another fandom to explore. That being said let’s talk first about what Pathologic 2 is.

Pathologic 2 is a video game set somewhere in the Russian Steppe in a small town with eccentric inhabitants with interesting cultural traditions and unique struggles. The game follows Artemy Burakh who is no older than 26 years old (I’m not sure of exact age but he is very young.) He receives a letter from his father asking him to come home from college where he is training to be a surgeon. He returns upon request only to discover his father is dead and a deadly plague is about to ravage the town. He receives odd clues and hints about what happened, who killed his father, and where this plague comes from but ultimately his job is to care for a list of people his father left him and discover a panacea before it is too late.

Now that you have the basics I’d like to talk a little bit about Artemy Burakh himself and why he is one of the most loving characters I’ve ever gotten to know. Artemy grew up with his father, mother, and brother. His mother and brother both died tragically when he was young and he and his father were left alone. Artemy is meant to follow in his father’s footsteps and become the town’s doctor - a menkhu - who is the only person in the town allowed to cut flesh. Artemy has accepted this purpose and was surprised yet willing when his father sent him away to train in the city to learn more mainstream medicine.

Why is Artemy Burakh so important? Well, for one, he represents two halves of the town: the Kin and the Townspeople. There is a rift between these two sides and Artemy’s dad is of the Kin while his mother was a townsperson. Their marriage and the birth of their children signified something that follows Artemy around for the rest of his life. He constantly feels torn between two sides and to be honest nether side really wants him. They wish he would abandon one side of his roots and favor the other but he can’t. He never truly feels as though he belongs.

Upon spending the game with Artemy you start to learn more about what his upbringing was like. His friends say insensitive things to him, harp on him for leaving, claim horrible things about him, and yet he still so desperately wants their friendship. Few people give him any sort of condolences for the loss of his father, effectively leaving him with no other family, and his role in this plague is a thankless one. Still, Artemy does it. He survives on no sleep, trading with others, and the kindness of people to survive, along with his own intellect and strength.

His friends call him ‘cub’ which makes sense considering he is often compared to a bear and told he’s ‘big’ quite often. Artemy is an intimidating guy. He’s snarky and bitchy and rude to people he doesn’t like. He’s protective and loyal. And depending how you play him he can be quite ruthless. Artemy is a special character because he feels very human.

Many of the individuals he has sworn to protect are children and this is a huge deal in the game. Artemy feels connected to them, protects them, and would do anything for them. He particularly connects with two: Sticky and Murky. Two orphans on his father’s list who end up staying with him at the end of the game. Artemy essentially adopts these two kids, providing for them, and ensuring they have a home. Through the events of the game he may lose one family but he gains another. He loves them dearly, it’s clear throughout the game, and I think if anyone were to try to take them from him he’d tear the world apart before he let that happen.

During one of the early pantomimes Artemy says that he’s not sure he knows how to love. I find this to be incredibly interesting considering the game spends its time showing you that he does know how to love and he absolutely shows it. Looking at Artemy from an outside perspective it’s easy to see how loving he is. It’s a shame he doesn’t see it and thinks he doesn’t ’know how’.

You learn quite a few devestating things throughout the game. Things that change Artemy’s life forever. I’m about to spoil the game so if you intend to play stop reading here.

Artemy’s dad started the plague on purpose. He claimed that the town was broken and he - Isidor - was good at breaking. Artemy, however, is good at fixing. Isidor told his son to come home, started the plague, and died for the town. There’s a conversation later on where Artemy asks if Isidor did this for him and he says ‘Of corse not. I did it for the town.’ Isidor is good at breaking because I imagine he broke Artemy’s heart here just as much, and probably more, than he broke mine. It’s a moment that makes me question what Artemy’s upbringing must’ve looked like. Isidor must’ve loved his son, but was he a good parent? I’d venture to say no but we aren’t really sure. All I know is that Artemy’s dad was more concerned with his duty as a doctor than he was to his son and without more knowledge I don’t know how to judge further.

At the end of the day Isidor is right. Artemy is a great fixer. And he fixes everything almost entirely on his own.

Within 11 days he returns home, learns of his father’s death, gets the plague, cures the plague, gets chased through the streets by robbers, gets attacked at the train station, learns of the origin of the plague, and depending on your choice at the end either kills the earth (I know how it sounds but he does, really, kill the earth) or level the town and force everyone to wander the steppe until they die while the earth and the plague claim the town, adopts two children, and probably loses his nearest and dearest friends in the process.

He’s 26. I’m only a year older than him and I can’t imagine doing what he does. I can’t imagine sleeping for an hour at a time, sometimes going days without sleep, caring for sick patients, digging through the trash for objects and food, hunting down water bottles, trading for medicine, and creating a panacea to save your home town. That is. A lot. To put it lightly.

So why does he do all of this? Well, the simple answer is that this is a game and in order to play you must do it. BUT. I think it’s about love. I think Artemy does everything he does not out of obligation but because of his love for people and his deep need to not be alone. He wants a family. He wants connection. He wants to love and be loved in return.

Man needs a hug.

Wrapped up in this plague game is a story of obligation and purpose and choice and love. What do you choose when you must decide between the earth or the town? Personally I always choose to kill the earth. That choice is the only logical option for me, personally, and one I think Artemy would choose himself. Killing the earth effectively gives you the panacea and kills the plague who has taunted you the whole game. It allows the town to move forward and build again through the people on Isidor’s list. It hurts, though, as it is not without consequence. The beings who are of the earth die and become no more which hurts to see. The earth dies. And many of the traditions die with the earth. It will take a long time for the town to heal, for Artemy to heal, and yet it must.

Artemy loves his father. He loves his mother and his brother. He loves his friends. He loves the children he was sworn to protect. He loves people who have come into his life and those who may or may not leave it. He loves so he heals. He loves them so he destroys the earth for them.

Artemy is forced to do horrible things to remain alive. I’ve played this game five times and my kill count goes up each time. Artemy wouldn’t like doing that but he does what he must. He doesn’t like what his father did but he still loves him even if he is angry. I wish Isidor would treat Artemy like his child sometimes. Hold his hand and tell him everything will be alright, walk him through what he needs to do, and guide him without fear of judgement. But Isidor was always better at breaking than he was fixing.

‘If a bone grew wrong, he’d break it.’

Artemy has a right to be angry. I think that goes without saying. He has a right to feel hurt and betrayed especially by those closest to him. His closest friend growing up, Rubin, hates him when he returns to the town and yet Artemy spends the game proving to Rubin that he loves him and wants him to stay. Rubin was angry when Artemy left for the city. So angry that they fought and Artemy had to leave it on bad terms. When he returns Rubin hates him, will find any reason to slander him, and talks about Isidor’s death as if it is Artemy’s fault.

It’s unfair. It’s hurtful. And yet Artemy spends the game convincing Rubin that they can be friends again despite everything. I get so angry with Rubin because if he would just set aside his anger and allow them emotional closeness then maybe they’d both heal but he can’t and he won’t. It’ll take time to fix their relationship but Artemy will put in the effort.

He’s always been a fixer.

When it comes to Rubin I want to choose the cruel dialogue options but I know Artemy wouldn’t, not for Rubin. He gets angry but he’s not a cruel man, as much as he might want to be cruel to Rubin at times. He wouldn’t so I don’t. You can tell by the more tame interactions they have that Artemy is relieved when Rubin says something not entirely unkind to him and he sinks back into familiarity quickly. So I let Artemy have his friendship despite how much I wish he was treated better by the people he holds dear.

I hope Artemy got a long cry after this was all over. I hope he sat in his dad’s house after cleaning the blood off of the floor and pulled out his mom’s old stuff and sobbed. I hope he set up bedrooms for Murky and Sticky and ended up sleeping on the floor in the same room with them just to be close to them. I hope his friends visited him after a few days just to bring him food and sit and talk. I hope he convinced Daniil to stay. I hope Artemy allowed friendship to develop into something more and found someone to spend his life with and help raise his children. I hope he thinks of the earth and knows he did the right thing. I hope he lays in the steppe and thinks of his brother and talks to his dad at his grave. I hope Artemy smiles and laughs and hugs his loved ones and sees his own stubborn spirit in the two spunky kids he’s adopted and fosters their interests. I hope he puts together the life he deserves after watching it crumble to pieces over 11 days of hell and torment. I hope so much for him.

After all, Artemy has always been a fixer.