#personal experience blog

[answersfromzestual]

What can I do to masculinize my mannerism? I was raised very upper class lady-Ly and I have trouble letting go of a lot of the “proper” mannerisms that I find tend to clock me as trans

Hello,

This isn't going to happen overnight, but I will list some things you can do. Some may seem simple or "odd" but it's just like learning another culture.

Sitting up straight, and tall, same with standing. You want to stand so tall that you feel taller than those around you.

Taking up space! Sitting with your legs open, opening your chest so your shoulders and chest look bigger (wider). Taking up space also means standing up straight (no leaning) when talking, project the energy that you won't shy away. Take up space and be an alpha!

Do not flail your hands

Head nods are a social gesture instead of waving, or they can replace maybe a handshake in friendly interactions. A single nod up quickly is a masculine way of acknowledging those around you in a non-professional setting. It can say: "What's up," "I see you," "it is/ they are over there (nod in direction of the object/person)," and "hello."

Speaking assertively, this doesn't have to be aggression. It's more instead of saying, "I was wondering, maybe we should do ____". The more assertive way to do this would be to say, "I want to do ____" taking out those filler words, making people perceive you as more dominant.

Making eye contact is important, you want them to basically look away first, you are again showing your assertiveness, and sending alpha energy. It's going to take practice, you may seem weird at first, but you will eventually be able to determine the amount of eye contact needed in that social situation.

It all goes back to wanting to be the alpha male in the situation.

You want other people to see you as dominant and in control.

Handshakes are super important. They are common for many more professional atmospheres. You want a firm handshake, but you don't want to hurt the person. If you have someone to help you practice, that would be good. It seems you always are squeezing tighter that you should, but a strong handshake is a huge indicator to a lot of people of not your masculinity but your character.

Try working on your vocabulary and take out filler words such as "like", "um", "uh", "maybe". Speak with intention. You need to speak like you know all about what you're talking about. Confidence is the point. Be direct as possible. It's not about lying.

Walking: Stand tall, chin straight, walk with your shoulders more than your hips. Again, no flailing. Hands by pockets.

Remember these are subtle changes and it will take some time to dial in on exactly how to do everything, but these are some of the main/big things I could think of. I will add more if I think of more or people are free to add some of their own.

Edit: Alpha doesn't mean you need to be the typical version of masculinity either. It means you take control of the situation, you don't back down or shy away. For example, if someone steps towards you it can be an act of intimidation, but if you stand your ground, they will most likely see their failed attempt and back up again. I don't want you thinking it means being hyper masculine. It's I guess some people call it "big dick energy".

Good luck,

Stay Golden ✌️ 💙 💜

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[nipuni]

We just came back from filming some scenes for a period documentary in a museum and last saturday we were invited to the anniversary celebration of an historical train where we had first class wagons to ourselves and got to ride and visit the palaces and were on TV too, what is even happening I feel like I'm in a coma or something, how did we go from dressing up for fun to whatever is going on now lmao 😭

[la1npilledg1rl]

[whumping-valentine]

We use being cold, hungry, and tired a lot in our writings, and that makes sense! Those aren't pleasant feelings, but what's not used enough is all of the other symptoms that can occur under those conditions.

Being malnourished not only causes the feeling of hunger, but can give you headaches, and make you feel weak, faint, sick, cold, and tired. It makes you irritable, unable to concentrate, and can even cause wounds to take longer to heal, while brusing much more easily. After a while you even develop an aversion to food, and don't want to eat. You feel nauseous just thinking about it, and breaking a fast isn't something you can do with a flick of your fingers. Your body isn't used to eating, and it may not sit well with you.

Not eating can also cause your blood sugar to drop, which is a whole entire thing in and of itself, and you don't have to be a diabetic to experience it. Low blood sugar is horrible 0/10 do NOT reccomend (but definitely do in whump!)

As for being cold, it can not only be uncomfortable, but it can make you feel physically ill. Especially when paired with a lack of vitamin D from low sun exposure. You just constantly feel sick, and may even begin to feel hot. It is absolutely FREEZING in my room all the time and I always feel sick. Horrible. Do it to your whumpees and tell them if they're good they can go outside and lay in the sun. That's shit's awesome when you're cold.

And of course, with sleep deprivation, it not only makes you drowsy, but it basically screws everything up. Your ability to think, your coordination, your strength. All you wanna do is curl up into a ball and go to sleep, no matter where you are. There's so much you can do with a tired whumpee.

The most fun thing about all of these is that they can generally go together all at once, inflicting symptoms of the others in an endless loop of torment. So yeah, go nuts! It's miserable!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Wei Wuxian eats a watermelon. Yep!

[writerfae]

I’m one of those people that lived and breathed the Percy Jackson books when I was younger and therefore regularly forgets that not everyone has read it as a kid

[canisalbus]

Which is your favorite platform? (of the ones you have accounts to post things I mean. I can't imagine it being Instagram since you don't really post there which honestly fair)

Tumblr, Twitter (X?) bluesky? Something else?

I think I'm going to have to go with tumblr, and it's not just because we're here. Twitter and Bluesky are nice and my experiences on both are overwhelmingly positive. But tumblr has an atmosphere that encourages originality, sharing your creations and talking about things in depth.

[w3brot]

god sends his most craziest, narcissistic emotionally unavailable manwhores to attachment issues, inferiority complex suicidal girls.

[furiousgoldfish]

I got a text message today, it ended with 'Thank you for existing', with a little heart, and I just stared at it in confusion, I couldn't figure out for many seconds who sent this and why I got it.

It was the person I work for, and upon realizing why they sent it I thought it was hilarious. Because I never got this kind of thing said to me by anyone I know in real life, nobody who knows me ever thought of sending me anything like that, and now, why did I get this message?

Because I clean for them, and while they were on vacation, they sent me a text to clean out their fridge and cabinets, and I thought to myself, 'wow what a display of trust, I would never let anyone near my cabinets', but I did it, I got paid for it, and apparently I did such a great job the person was delighted upon coming back from vacation to a clean kitchen, they had to thank me for being alive.

This is what does it huh? Cleaning someone's fridge? For which I'm also paid for? That gets me a 'thank you for existing'?? And a heart?

I've been happy because this is giving me very 'i'm not going to get fired from this' vibes, but also, it's so funny, after everything I did in life, this is what gets appreciated the most. Wish everything in life could be like this!

[answersfromzestual]

Dr. Maud Belanger, MD, FRCSC

This was my personal surgeon and the best (ftm) surgeon in Canada (in my opinion). She is kind and very descriptive of what she is going to do. She also has a great bedside manner.

The link is below as well.

https://clubftm.com/directory/dr-maud-belanger-md-frcsc/

[where-is-caithe]

SotO is over so here's some sketches of Eon throughout the main part of it.

she/they for Eon.

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[la1npilledg1rl]

When they use your kindness agains you, make sure to reciprocate by ruining their life.

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 5 recap

"spitting out dead paperwork" WHAT ARE THE BOYS TRYING TO SAY RN

also lena ignoring him is kinda crazy shes so elias bouchard coded

i can't wait for these episodes to slowly change into me trying to guess which weird computer voice we're getting today

"my interests have always been seen as a little.. strange" mr spider doesn't like it..........

okay yeah i've seen so many people talking about how the fears aren't fears and you all are so right they are obsessions. maybe even an obsessive love if you stretch it enough?

"i won't always be there" ALICE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUT THE DEATH FLAGS DOWN BABYGIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[faunina]

HAPPY NOVEMBER 5TH TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE!

click for a surprise :)

[ID. Digital art of Dean Winchester done in black lineart. He’s holding his own hand over Castiel’s handprint, which is red, and looking forlorn. When clicked, the transparency reveals Castiel with his wings and a halo, holding Dean by the waist and resting their foreheads together. End ID.]