#post surgery update

[withoutmalice]

Blåhaj and I would like to let you all know that it's been six months today since I had surgery, and I'm still as happy as a clam.

And also that this is day 2 of testosterone 😬🫣

[wuntrum]

it's true! you can't make this stuff up! officially made my deposit, and its happening on the funny tv day for real. i've already made some progress toward the total doll hair amount i'll need (thank you endlessly), but if you want to help me not stress as much about not being able to work for six weeks, you can

get one of my comics (specifically oh huh, which is about gender stuff, but they're all free/PWYW)

pre-order one of the items from my top surgery collection (physical comic, stickers, that sort of thing)

buy me a coffee (or the pypl equivalent)

or if you can't do any of that, just sharing around my art helps as well :) thank you thank you thank you

[thepringlesofblood]

at some point the gods of dnd decided that Lou Wilson specifically is a magnet for doing impromptu surgery without a medical license and somehow it works every time against all odds and I am frankly gobsmacked

[stil-lindigo]

DONATE THROUGH PAYPAL

DONATE THROUGH VENMO

Safebow, led by raindovemodel over on instagram, is a grassroots team currently doing their best to evacuate almost 200 Palestinian individuals from Gaza.

To do this, they had to raise over $300,000 in a very short amount of time. Amazingly, they not only raised that amount, but surpassed it to the point that they'll now be able to buy prosthetics for the hospitals they work with.

However, Gofundme has thrown a spanner into the work by going completely silent and holding up over half of their funds.

They are on a time crunch as they desperately try to recoup their money before the border closes. Please donate to their Paypal, Venmo or Zelle. Their window of success is genuinely a matter of days.

[chrissy-kaos]

Went out with this gem today. I had to hit up my favorite burrito spot before my surgery tomorrow morning. I won’t be able to eat solid food for a long time. So I wanted something good for my last meal.

**Little life update**

Some of you are probably like wtf surgery? What many of you probably don’t know is I’m sick. The really bad kind of sick. The sick you don’t come back from. I’ve made a few post about it in the past. I don’t really want to get into it right now tbh. My Doctors and I are doing everything we can to get me moderately healthy again but in all honesty it’s not going well. Initially it was but now it is not. 

We’ve encountered some serious complications and they need to be addressed asap. We found these out at the end of November during a MRI of my kidneys. I was very lucky a specialist was able to notice the anomalies in my scan. When I was told if I’m being honest it was a hard pill to swallow. Those of you that seen that post know how it went. All the work we had done before this was basically for nothing.

We’re hoping that this surgery will alleviate some of my current health issues. This could be the cause of some of them. It’s going to be a long process and multiple treatments/surgeries and recovery this year. But I’m hopeful that everything will work out ok.

So with all that said I probably won’t be posting much for the next few weeks. I’ll probably do a before surgery post and one after. But that’s probably it for a little while. I gotta focus on my health because it’s rapidly deteriorating.

In the event that something wild happens I just want to say I love all of you and thank you for everything. This platform has given me the courage and confidence to be myself. That’s all because of each and every one of you. The stories I get in my DMs inspire me to be the best I can be for you. I know a lot of people look up to me.. that’s still wild tbh. To be a role model for someone is the greatest honor and feeling ever. Nothing compares. So thank you.

I’m going to leave my blog up. If a trans person stumbles across it. Hopefully it will inspire them to be themselves unapologetically. Know it’s never too late to be your true identity. Follow your dreams and know you’re loved. Enjoy life because it’s precious. Share your story. Inspire others and LIVE FOR YOU. The world is much better off with you here. I promise you.

[xskyll]

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[murphysletsdraw]

Health and work update

Illness stuff under read more (tl;dr: I will probably be extra out of action for the next 2 months, which will affect all my projects, work, comics, commissions etc)

As you may or may not know, I've been (extra) sick for about a year and a half with gallstones, which have gotten more and more intense the last half year. I've been unable to work for many weeks at a time, I've had to put my patreon on hold and was hospitalized twice. I've finally been scheduled for surgery in two weeks and since I'm pretty decrepit just generally I probably will need a month or two at least to recover. But I'm hoping I will be way better over all afterwards, so I'm very excited this is happening so soon! I just wanted to give this context, because I'm not happy with how much I've had to stop and start pretty much everything this year. But I appreciate how patient everyone's been, and I'm hoping so much that I'll get a productive stretch after I heal. Wish me luck!!!

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

[withoutmalice]

Hi it's been a year since top surgery and six months on testosterone

[beautifulqueerexistence]

One Week Post-Op (DI Top Surgery update, TW MENTION: Surgical procedure, surgical complications, medical transition, top surgery drains, Hematoma)

Wow, holy crap, my surgery was a week ago already!

I met with my surgeon yesterday for my first follow up! It was really nice to be able to talk about the small hematoma (a blot clot, more or less!) in my left side, and have her concretely tell me that it’s breaking down the way it’s supposed to, that the neon color drainage IS normal (for a person with a hematoma)… And I got my right side drain out!!! The left will continue to stay in until (at least) my follow up a week from today. The hematoma needs to reliquify slowly and drain, either via my drain or by spreading to the surrounding porous tissue by converting to bruising. That being said, my bruising is gonna WORSEN before it’ll get better, but bruising is a good sign that my hematoma is healing. Swelling is pretty consistent on the left, and she said that everything looks amazing, all things considered!

I realized yesterday that I will never again have to deal with underboob sweat, that weird “tuck your shirt under them so your skin doesn’t stick and get all sweaty gross,” or having to “rest them” while leaning on a table. That was a trippy realization, that at some point I did that for the last time, and now I’m just free of it. I was able to soooorta tilt to my right while sleeping last night, and as a side sleeper, I’m ecstatic about that. I looked at my pre-op photos for the first time since surgery this morning and I’m gonna be honest… I’m already forgetting what they felt like. It feels so dissociated bc my brain just so easily clicked into “Yep, this is what my chest is supposed to look like.” Even with the incisions and bruising it still feels like MY (flat) chest just had some surgery. And that’s a super fucking cool feeling, having my chest feel like MINE, finally feel familiar.

My mom thanked my surgeon yesterday for “that (my) smile” and said “it was an overnight difference with him. I can just see him glowing with relief.” I think that’s a pretty accurate anecdote to leave this update off on. More to come as things progress.

Side note- If anyone has any questions about top surgery, drains, hematomas, or anything adjacent, I’m happy to talk! My DMs are always open. I’m by no means an expert or qualified doctor, but I’m always happy to share my experience in the hope that it helps someone else.

[pastel-medic]

Felt a little upsetti spaghetti today so I doodled gentlesurgery angst in my sketchbook

Now I'm even sadder :(((

[lornasaurusrex]

I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

[murderous-coffeebean]

One Rawking Ghoul :D

This one’s for Tumblr Ghoul (@thebandghostofficial) - thank you for rawking so much! 💜

I had a bit of an art block after my last digital drawing and I am still stuck drawing left-handed for a little while longer, but Fanart Friday gave me a good reason to draw something fun and to say thanks, as well ^^

[owlf45]

had a horrific dream that i grew thousands of lizards from eggs and i forgot to water them, so they came after me and crawled underneath my skin and i was trying to hold off the biggest lizard the size of a small dog, but a voice of a man id been trying to escape (the lizards were supposed to be a distraction) told me 'this is what happens when you look away', and the lizard just swallowed my hand and then i woke up with a ridiculous fever

[pointless-party]

chat should i make a preboot playlist -🐍

[seren-star]

I haven’t been posting because I got top surgery! Had a lot of prep and now I’m recovering ❤️

Art SOON