#recovering from depression

[boy-warbler]

Todmorden Mills. 2024

[put-a-keep-are-you-foo-dell]

It's been years since I didn't stay up until 3am writing

It's nice to be back

[jatcv]

Slowly recovering….

But I’m doing a special surprise once I fully recover my body from this horrible depression and I’m going back into business l! 👍🏼

[kerysthemenace]

songs stuck in my head:

[awkwardsavage]

I'm backkk

Surprise I'm back and better than everrrr. I'm 29 years old now. Still somewhat depressed but healing at the same time. Last time I had access to this account I was 17 years old and severely depressed. I'm so happy to be back on this account, this was my teen rant place.

I'm working now, permanent job. I work with youth who struggle in school and mental health. I love it so much, the youth I work with make my job 1000 times better.

More updates to come

[alexggnaw]

October was the hardest month yet.

[dippietheham]

Grumpy reminds you that's it's ok to try new things.

Sometimes that's the only way we know some things aren't for us. If we don't try, we won't know.

And whatever you try, whether you fail or succeed, remember to eat something. Reward yourself for trying if you can.

And drink up too. Else Grumpy will grump at you.

Grumpy wants you to stay well. As well as you can.

[promiiscuousgirll]

my hair actually kinda cute today

[punk-rock-paganism09]

They sure don’t.

(—I’ll do a happy version of this later, since it’s two sides of one coin. ;) )

via weheartit

[brokenglassandspilledink]

i think i miss it

the brokenness of depression

the way i could lie in bed and feel nothing

but he got me out

pulled me from my bed and made me breathe again

don’t get me wrong

i’m happy now

but i think i miss it

[astralautism1]

Reclaiming what PDA stole from me

- What is PDA?

PDA, Or Pathological Demand Avoidance, is a mental symptom found in all people but most common in neurodivergent individuals- particularly Autistic and ADHD individuals.

Have you ever been starting a chore- let’s say dishes- and the. Right as your about to start your mom comes in and tells you to do the dishes. It’s like the moment she said that your whole body and everything in you just screamed fuck you. Now I’m not going to do it. Why should I? You can’t tell me what to do! That is a prime example of pda. It is a feeling that your autonomy- for any arbitrary reason- is being taken away and the need to fight for that back.

“is a proposed disorder, and proposed sub-type of autism spectrum disorder, defined by characteristics such as a demand avoidance—which is a greater-than-typical refusal to comply with requests or expectations—and extreme efforts to avoid social demands. Any expectation, even routine activities, such as brushing teeth, or highly desired activities, such as getting ready to leave home to visit a playground, can trigger avoidant behavior. If the demand cannot be avoided, a panic attack or a meltdown may ensue“ - Wikipedia

—

For a long time PDA essentially controlled my life. It was this unexplained yet horrible feeling that held me back from life with invisible chains. No one else around me understood, and what they got they perceived as a choice and not some sort of outside inhibitor. It prevented me from finding a lot if myself, enjoying what I could in the world. Medias, concepts, objects, places. It felt like the whole world was getting claimed from me. That I was just a copycat of everyone else around me- nothing I had or would ever me would truly be me. So why be anything?

- The Plan

I am going to reclaim everything that PDA took from me. It will be a slow process, but it is a process that needs to happen. It will be a reclamation of all that I felt I wasn’t allowed to have, all that I held myself back from for this arbitrary feeling that I abided by. A lot of this is to get back at the people who helped to set in the feelings of PDA. Abusers, groomers, bullies, bad friends, family. There are so many things that negative influences ‘took from me’ that I refused to allow myself to have. I didn’t want to be like them, I didn’t want to be reminded of them, so I didn’t involve myself with anything that had their name on it. But that is the problem with it; They don’t own what I have PDA over. I do. And I need to get myself to learn and feel that. I need to challenge my PDA.

Some of these I have already started- but I will be going about and posting updates on my reclamation of things, how it feels trying to directly combat pda and my strategies in doing so. Below is my list of things I experience PDA about, ranging from certain medias to just abstract concepts. This list is subject to grow and shrink as time goes on.

- Reclaim Harry Potter

- Reclaim My Hero Academia

- Reclaim Marvel + DC

- Reclaim Panic! At the Disco + Fallout Boy

- Reclaim Legend of Zelda

- Reclaim Indiana Jones

- Reclaim Creepypasta

- Reclaim Kohl’s clothing

- Reclaim pink and purple

- Reclaim Space

- Reclaim Nature

- Reclaim Curiosity

- Reclaim Art

- Reclaim Knowlege

- Reclaim Femininity

[razedwrong]

[vampiress777]

i feel so unlikeable wtf how do i change 🙄🙏🏼

[alexggnaw]

I can’t wait for this to happen

[thatsitso]

So I finished orv

[cats-healing-diary]

I feel nothing, I just distract myself the whole time, to not feel this emptiness. It feels like I’m draining