#rural lgbt

[rawrsatthetree]

Hello LGBTQ+ community!!!

If you’re queer and grew up in a rural community I need you’re help!!

Our community is facing so much censorship and violence. I want my exhibition to share the untold story of the LGBTQ+ community that grew up in rural areas. Please share anything you feel comfortable sharing! If you don’t like google forms, please DM me I can just send you the questions!

I’m pansexual and nonbinary, and grew up in a small town of only 3,000 people. This project means so much to me!

[cowboyjen68]

dear jen, i'm in a little bit of an impasse.

i grew up in the deep countryside and moved to the city for grad school. i've been there for two years now and i can't take more, the big city is too overwhelming and i know i'd be happier back in the countryside.

the main problem is that there's basically no rural queer community in my country, and i'm afraid of being constantly lonely and having to deal with bigoted people all around me- for example, i could never have come out around where i grew up. how did you make the jump away from big cities (if you ever lived in one?)? how do i make peace with the fact that my physical and mental health needs are so distanced from my social needs ?

Ah.. country mouse in the big city. I grew up in a mid range town Cedar Rapids and moved to sort of a suburban rural community between Cedar Rapids and Iowa City in 4th grade. We had kind of a "best of both worlds". Not totally isolated but definitely rural.

I had friends from isolated small towns and after lots of experiences boiled it down to The Theatre. Yeah. Movie theaters. If a town had a movie theatre they had a small grocery store. Those two things meant they never HAD to leave town. Having food and entertainment nearby meant isolation from larger populations. If there was no theatre or grocery the teens and young adults were exposed to larger towns, other people, just out of necessity to get groceries and see movies (which in the 80's were the biggest form of teen enertainment next to malls and roller skating).

I did not go to the University of Iowa. Iowa City seemed WAY too large and distracting. I chose a small college in Kirksville Missouri. My parents (probably knowing I was a lesbian) were like "ARE YOU SURE?" Lol. Yep and off I went.

I did move to Iowa City for grad school (didn't finish) and that is where i met my first girlfriend and the bulk of my lesbian friend circle. Some people will laugh at me thinking Iowa CIty was BIG city. For me it was. In college I took road trips to Chicago, Minneapolis, St. Louis and Kansas City. And in my 20's travelled to New York and Washinton DC for gay prides and protestes so I know a "big" city and I Know I would miserable there.

I chose my house on a whim. That whim being my ex found it and loved it and when my femme girlfriend said "I want this house. Well, we got this house. LUCKILY it is fairly close to CR and IC. While I have only one neighbor (just the right number) who I can see and I live 2 miles from my town of 400 and some I can get to the bigger city in 20 minutes. I work in Iowa City. Isolation is something I can break if I need to or want to.

My suggestion is to seek out employment where you can own rural property but live with in an easy drive to a mid sized city. There is a lot to be said for not so huge metropoliton cities. The midwest, mid sized cities work incredibly hard to create a vibrant social scene. They sponsor art galleries, Artsy Fartsy parts of town for locally owned businesses. Down town enertainment venues etc.

Small town or rural living does not have to mean isolation. It can offer the best of both worlds. When I am done peopling I can drive the 30 or 45 minutes home and see no one from the outiside world if I don't want to. I can sit in silence of my front deck and watch the stars come out.

The internet has opened up the ability to search and explore areas to settle without visiting until you have narrowed the field.

IF my only choice was the big city I think I would seek out neighborhoods where they have an investment in their area. If there are neighborhood gatherings or a clear attempt to share the space as more than just individual homes. In other words, a place where everyone is connected as neighbors and puts time into making it a community. Sometimes pockets of neighbors can create a small town feel within a larger city. It can be nice to know that Carol next door will check on your cats or that Bob down the street waves hello and snowblows the whole side walk just to be nice.

American big cities definitely have these but I don't know how other countries work. Sometimes it is based on sharing an ethnic background but sometimes it is just a lucky gathering of the right types of people.

I know of a few other lesbians in my county. But beyond that all of my friends live within a decent driving distance with two gay bars with in 40 miles. Finding a balance is possible. But it takes research.

Facebook has some pages for rural LGBT+ people to connect and they can be helpful in giving advice on where they live and how it is for them. I bet discord or tumblr might have similar places to "meet" and find out about different regions in your country.

[scenicphoenix]

97 degrees is worse in the city than the country. It's all that damned concrete. I'm recede back into the sticks soon (but seeing so many other queer/lgbt people was good for me)

[tsnbrainrot]

currently reading 'brokeback mountain: story to screenplay' and annie proulx, i just want to TALK

[visionaryparacosmos]

Its kinda cool how Jade lives on an island in the middle of the ocean and Kanaya lives in an oasis in the middle of a desert. They both live in the middle of nowhere and maybe that says something about space players but maybe it also says something about the internet connecting people from bumfuck nowheresville to insufferable pricks who live in the city and to really cool alternative girls who like cats and to weird suburban kids with bad tastes in movies

[farmerlesbian]

I just heard about this website called TransRural Lives which just went live! Go check it out! You can also find them on Instagram, Facebook, and Youtube.

"A digital storytelling project exploring and celebrating the lives of transgender older adults who live in or have strong ties to rural areas and small towns in the Pacific Northwest."

The stories are audio recordings from the trans elders themselves, and I find it incredible to listen to their stories and literally hear their voices. This is definitely worth checking out and maybe even getting connected and sharing your story. You will also find a variety of resources and archives on the website. Check it out!

If you want to get involved, they're taking volunteers, donations, help to spread the word, and stories from rural trans people. Here's some info from the website on who they are looking to hear stories from:

Who is eligible to participate in the project? 

Transgender* adults 50 years of age and older who live in or have strong ties to rural areas and smaller cities/towns in Washington State (outside the Sea-Tac metro). In 2024, we will be expanding the project to include transgender older adults who live in Oregon, Idaho, western Montana, and British Columbia.  

* We include and welcome anyone and any identity that falls outside the gender binary, including nonbinary, genderqueer, gender-diverse, gender non-conforming, and Two-Spirit folks. 

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Edit to add: I am in no way associated or affiliated with this project. I simply came across it while surfin' the web and thought yall would be into it and wanted to share it with tumblr! If you have thoughts or feedback or want to get involved or just want to talk to the project, I encourage you to reach out to them. Check out the website! I have zero affiliation with it.

[lenbryant]

Two guys and some land…and birds, lots of birds.

[teething-possum]

Nothing will be funnier than the fact that the elementary school I work at accidentally put the gay bear flag on their printed staff badges.

And still haven’t realized

[atlanticgothic]

25 years

[vital-information]

“But the Berea students’ Lobby Day experience…demonstrates the dilemmas rural young people face when they rely on similar strategies of visibility and assertions of difference deployed by their urban peers. Unlike urban gay and lesbian communities able to mobilize significant numbers of people and dollars to generate visibility, rural youth and their allies live and work in communities and legislative districts that prioritize solidarity, rely on familiarity, and lack the public or private resources to underwrite sustained, visible dissent to assert queer difference. These are also places where media representations of LGBT people outpace the tangible presence of locally organized constituencies able to or invested in prioritizing queer recognition.

This book [Out in the Country] addresses how young people in the rural United States who lay claim to LGBT identities confront the politics of gay visibility, expectations, and constraints that define and shape the recognition of LGBT-identifying people in popular culture and public life. I take an interdisciplinary approach to examine how rural queer and LGBT-identifying youth, contrary to popular narratives of escape to urban oases, stand their ground to name their desires and flesh out local meaning.”

Mary L. Gray, Out in the Country: Youth, Media, and Queer Visibility in Rural America

[uncanny-tranny]

Pretending like transphobia in rural communities is much more prevalent than in suburbia and cities is doing a disservice to trans people.

Transphobia doesn't decide to live in spaces where there are few people. Transphobia lives in spaces which does not accept the notion of queerness. Transphobia lives in spaces where people deemed "gender deviants" are treated as lesser or as second-class citizens. Transpbobia lives in spaces which isolate trans people, where trans people don't have the same opportunities to recieve work, homing, healthcare, and livelihood. Transphobia resides in white supremacist views, and sexism, and intersexism, and colonialism.

To pretend like the above cannot happen in large communities like a city because of their size or your preconceived notions at what city life "is" and what rural life "is not" doesn't help trans people. It isolates trans people in rural communities from trans spaces, and it refuses to allow city-dwelling trans people to talk about the transphobia they face in the communities they live in. Nobody is helped in this situation.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i used to make my sunday school teacher so angry back when my mom forced me to go to church, bc i would question everything. and point out how this one part of the bible contradicts this other part of the bible. and the response i usually got was the rules in the new testament were the ones that counted. so i asked why we still had to follow the ten commandments. and they did not like that. and the thing was, i wasn't actively trying to be malicious or anything. i was a kid trying to understand why so many people worshiped this god, that to me seemed jealous and petty and cruel. bc i never actually believed in any of it. i pretended to, bc my mom did and the way church would talk about non-believers made me not feel like it was safe to admit that to her. american christianty is a cult. a very popular cult, but it's a fucking cult.

[issak]

You guys YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!

You won't believe what I found in a random Toy R' us clearance aisle, Which I only went in to scape from the screams of a "distressed " mother in the courtyard, her voice was so high it pierced through my noise canceling headphones (a most impressive feat), I'm not kidding, hopefully she found her kid because if if wasn't for her and my need to [leave were the drama was been happening tm] I wouldn't have found these gems, I wish her good fortune forever more.

Lost children aside, I lost it when I lay eyes on theses, straight up say out loud, "I don't care how much you cost YOU ARE COMING WITH ME!!!!"

They are paperback volumes of 光が死んだ夏, or Hikaru ga Shinda Natsu which is an amazing Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Mokumokuren, Ghosts, trauma, a bit of homophobia, codependency, twisted romance, ELDRITCH HORRORS!!!!! a side of attempted murder. It has a little bit of everything, and Mokumokuren sensei's art is Breathtakingly haunting, for example, the dialog boxes merge with the background to illustrate our titular boy ever decreasing mental health, it has SO much going for it, and it IS AMAZING.

Do yourself a favor and try this manga out, is soooo good.

[browniecrustmuncher]

living in a bum fuck rural town is talking and gossiping with other women and a sapphic relationship comes up so they say “good for them i guess but i can’t imagine being with another woman, isn’t that so weird?”

my mom does it all the time. she has a bunch of gay male friends but… to hear her go into vulgar specifics about lesbian sex just… i never ever want to tell her i’m bi (at the least. haven’t dated since my diagnosis about 4 years ago)

[cowboyjen68]

jen, I’m in a similar place as the last anon

I live in a smallish town (~50k) in a deeply red state and it’s slowly killing me except I KNOW I’ll also be miserable in a large city… do you have any advice? There’s practically no queer community here and every time there’s a pride event im scared something is going to happen

My suggestion is to look for rural suburban areas. They are not quite the subdivisions of a big city but also not so isolated that you can't drive to a populated area for a job. Most of the people living in such places will work in the big city and commute home for quite.

It still takes things like a driver's license and a car, a job that will make it worth a commute and other resources that you might not need in a congested area.

It is very possible to share a rural home with several other people. Sharing a communal acrage has the benefits of help if you need it being built right in, shared expenses and more hands can keep up a larger property.

There are women's lands and LGBT commumal living spaces around the USA and in some other counties. Each has their own draw back and their own positives so you have to look carefully at what would fit of you.

Farm houses in the midwest often do come up for rent as elderly people move to town and the children are already established elsewhere. My guess is that happens in other agricultural areas.

College towns (Iowa City is about 70K) can be much safer places for LGBT people. Even in Red states. Iowa is purpleish. We have a Republican Governor but can't make our minds up on Senate and House so it is usually mixed. But College towns can be pricey too.

About Pride and gay bars and other LGBT spaces. Don't let fear stop you. Yes there is always the chance some nut is going to show up to hurt people. BUT statistically it is not as common as you think. Going anywhere there is a large gathering (Wal Mart, Sporting events, County Fairs) can be risky. People with the idea to harm or kill others will seek out a dense population. Our media is all about politicizing the LGBT+ right now. News Coverage is good but it goes beyond reporting what happened in a respectul manner into sensationalizing, making assumptions and stroking fear.

As I have said before. DO not give them our spaces. DO NOT stop gathering with those who are like you. DO not isolate from others who share your experiences. THAT is the most dangerous thing we can do.

[strayfriend]

This feels made up but the other day I was at work Having a Time and incapable of being normal all day despite being directly in view of clients for like 9 hours and had such an interaction. I was making paper lucky stars between tasks all week (so many so many) and basically singing to myself (self soothing! They don't let us play music in the lobby!!!) here are my stars!!

So anyway. That day I was on a Mitski kick. Well a client came in (green hair, in Mississippi, we immediately clocked each other. Recognized) and chatted w me about like flea and heartworm prevention. I am putting her charges in to check out and hum/singing again and she's like "you got mitski songs stuck in your head?" I'm like "😅yeah second or third one today" and she says. To me. In my workplace. In front of my coworkers and God and everyone:

"Aww, you must be going through it right now. Or do you just have mommy issues?"

I said "GIRL you cannot say that to me. I am simply working at my job how DARE you"

She said "it's okay I get it I like Mitski too. You're gonna be alright hang in there"

I said "take your flea prevention and go 😭"

What was THAT 😭

It was this song can someone humanely euthanize me