#s ideation

[covenscribe]

I am forever angry that the world was built where everyone I know desperately needs money and theres people out there who own more than entire countries

fucking evil

[lakrimasx]

I’m a terrible person and everyone I love is suffering because of me

[hereismybadpoetry]

Late Night Driving

TW: Suicidal Ideation, Anxiety, Intrusive Thoughts

I never learned to cope with stress or sadness the right way

If there is truly a “right way”

I never learned to comfort myself

Or to relax

But I learned how to read

I learned to write

And swim

And drive

And I did all those things

Or none

Whenever I thought life would get too hard

I just cracked

I tried to carry the weight of the world

But I was too weak

Or at least that’s how I liked to see it

But maybe I was just human

And I tried to do too much

Be too many places

Be too many different versions of myself

I just forgot who I was in the end

I just stared at the third attempt of my physics problem

And wondered who I was meant to be

And who I was

And if it really mattered at all

When I needed breathing room I took a drive

But it had to be just the right time

Empty roads

To empty my mind

Driving in circles because even when I wanted to feel free I felt trapped

Life is an endless cycle and I keep hitting the turnaround

When the stars were out

I went a different direction

Past the highway

To the little Freddy’s

I grabbed their special

Mint and Oreo custard

Turned up my music

And sat in the parking lot

Thinking

I liked to act like tomorrow didn’t matter

That it was too far in the distance to hurt me

When I shivered from the cold

And my hands went stiff from holding the ice cream

I told myself that all pain was temporary

And everyday ends

Every week ends

Every month

Every year

Every life

I turned the music up just a little louder

I went to the Freddy’s to forget

I went out on a drive to relax

But I never learned how to relax

And I never learned how to cope with the idea

That maybe I didn’t want the next day to come

[trappper-johnathan]

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

klaus hargreeves hearing three (3) symptoms of a disorder from a child that he just met and coming to the conclusion that he definitely has it is a mentally ill mood

[hivemindscape]

i hate to say it, your lowest point was so much like mine

i thought you wouldn't understand turns out you're the only one who can

[prayingfordemise]

Will I ever be good enough? I’m just a disappointment n failure.

[shcultureis]

sh + suicidal culture is being very reckless when cutting bc you rly dont care anymore and you just hope you hit something thatll kill you

NSSI?? (non suicidal self injry)

NAH SSI (SUICIDAL SELF INJRY

.

[r0za1k4]

im the happiest when i sh. sometimes i dont even cry, i just smile. it hurts so good.

[ghostkennedy]

One Foot Here, One Foot Out the Door

~Leon Kennedy angst~

Word count: 854

Content warnings: PTSD, mental illness, gun use, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation, near suicide attempt, self-destructive behaviors, Leon is depressed and contemplating suicide. No comfort, no happy ending, just pure sadness.

I've been having a hard time lately with the battles inside my own head, so I wanted to write about the part of Leon that most resonates with me. The one foot here, one foot out the door feeling. Teetering on the edge of the end. I've barely scratched the surface here, but it felt nice to release these feelings from inside of me.

!!!!!SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. REACH OUT TO SOMEBODY, NEVER SUFFER SILENTLY!!!!!!

~masterlist~ for those who don't wish to proceed with this piece

Why are any of us even born at all? Brought into a world where pain and suffering is the primary universal experience.

He looks at an old lady pushing her grocery cart, knowing she’s experienced pains he’ll never be able to comprehend. He sees a newborn baby and knows there’s nothing at all anyone can do to prevent them from enduring countless heartbreaks and devastation. He looks in the mirror and sees the shell of a man he once was. Or maybe he doesn’t recognize the face staring back at him at all.

He’s merely the solution of an equation made up of trauma, ache, and dread. 

So that begs the question, why the fuck were we even born at all?

Graced with a life that we beg any higher deity to take away. Take it back, take it all back. Why must we be forced to exist? He never should’ve existed at all.

Projecting his own damage as the general consensus to aid in an endless loneliness that no company could ever fill. Emptiness. How can one person feel so empty and so full of disgusting emotions at the same time? 

Countless people tell him he’s worthy of a better life. That he deserves so much better, that there’s better out there for him. But no one ever offers a solution. It’s just words they tell him to make themselves feel like they did something for him. 

If one day he loses the battle between himself and his own brain, they can say that they tried to help him. They were there for him. They took care of him. They can’t believe that this has happened.

They didn’t do a fucking thing. Thank you, sincerely, for your meaningless phrases that went in one ear and out the other. Empty words that he tossed away. Meanwhile, the words inside his own brain telling him the world would be better off without him dug their claws deeper and deeper into this godforsaken soul.

This soul that couldn’t have possibly been designed to endure such bullshit.

If everything happens for a reason, he’s sure that the reason is to see what will be the final nail in his coffin. Each day is harder. The years pass and traumatic event after traumatic event after traumatic fucking event just keeps happening to him. What will it finally take for him to fall apart completely and give himself away completely?

He wishes he could summarize it so simply. He could proclaim that the darkness has him in its grip, but that wouldn’t do it justice. Maybe he’s become the darkness. Maybe any light left inside of him has burnt out and now he’s left with only the nothingness within him.

If he had a choice, maybe he would feel better. He’d tell himself that he does it because he helps people. But that’s just more bullshit.

He’s never had a choice. He’s always been expected to put everything above himself, who gives a fuck what happens to him? Another statistic? A plus one to the casualty count? He’ll destroy himself until one day, that’s all he is.

If he thinks about how much light he used to hold inside of himself when he was younger, he’s filled with a blinding rage. The hopes and dreams he’s long lost and buried. 

How is one person expected to mourn themselves while still fucking breathing?

He’s not himself anymore. The Leon he once knew, maybe even the one he was meant to be, is gone. And there’s nothing he could ever do to bring him back. 

No matter how much he tries to numb himself, to detach himself and just go through the motions, the depression and anxiety always creeps up. It’s the only consistent thing in his life, and it’s not much to cling to, is it?

And as hard as it is to admit it, he truly wants it all to end. 

Maybe not by his own hand. Maybe not intentionally. No, he’s a coward. Too cowardly to take that final step that he so desperately craves.

His daydreams have become a grim vision of what it would be like if a mission went wrong. If something out of his control finally ended his life. 

Perhaps he’s become careless. Acting despite the possible consequences. Because if something finally clipped that last thread tying him to our world, would that really be so bad? Is that really “worst case scenario”? 

He’s no hero. He’s a fucking fool. A fool who at the root of it all, should’ve never existed at all.

The only comfort he finds is in the fact that one day he will cease to exist and there will be no one left on earth who remembers Leon Kennedy. The pain and suffering he’s seen will die with him.

But unfortunately, today is not that day. Today isn’t the start of the world after Leon Kennedy.

“Fucking coward,” he whispers to his reflection as he clicks the safety back into place. He lowers the gun from his temple and smashes it against the bathroom sink with a loud clang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hey. i love you. and i would listen to you any fucking time. don't let the worst day of your life be the last. -hannah

[bughugs]

i’m so fucking lonely i don’t even know why i’m fighting anymore. Nobody will care when i’m gone.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

THROW MY BETTER SELF OVERBOARD SHOOT AT HIM WHEN HE COMES UP FOR AIR

[suuuicide]

Oop kinda feeling like attempting again

[losercuts2]

because of how I was always over sexualized in school my brain turns touching into affection and love. if you don't touch me then you don't love me. so does he love me? am I wrong for feeling this way?

[ghostowlattic]

Unseen 

edible bedtime stories - ghost owl attic