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rc-catalog · 3 days ago

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It’s that time again—our Creator Of The Month celebration is back, and this month’s spotlight is glowing brighter than ever!

Please join us in welcoming the endlessly talented Lola, @malbontesmrs, to the COTM hall of fame! 💗

From Procreate to her keyboard, Lola is a true architect of imagination—and we’re thrilled to celebrate her work all month long! To help you get to know the magic behind the masterpieces, we’ve put together a short interview where she shares her inspirations, her process, and more! 🌸

💬 1) INTRODUCE YOURSELF!

Hi, I’m Lola. And to be honest, I’m terribly boring.

💬 2) WHEN AND HOW DID YOU FIRST DISCOVER ROMANCE CLUB! What drew you in, and what made you stay? Were there any particular characters, stories, or moments that left a mark on you?

I discovered RC in April 2021, and played enough that when I re-downloaded the app after deleting it, I still had a profile. I actually more or less forgot about it, HS1 JUST finished fully releasing, and I remember reading up to where Vicky gave Bont the food from the school kitchens at least. I think I may have deleted the app shortly after that because of the CY Alexander scene . It’s also entirely possible that I just got too busy and didn’t put it on my new phone. When I redownloaded it in 2023, it was because an acquaintance suggested it, but even then I barely touched it until HS2 started releasing (though I did love SoS and probably played it like 3-4 times before then). I didn’t remember playing HS1 at all until after I played it again, so when I started HS2, and encountered Malbonte and Lucifer for the first time, all I could think was “omg, how could anyone like these jerks”. …anyway, that’s my husband and my other husband now, so I guess I figured that out. I guess all that is to say Alice’s HS brought me, kept me, and continues to keep me on this app.

💬 3) HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN CREATING? Can be both RC related and in general! What first sparked your passion for it?

I’ve been creating (in general) for a long time. I won’t say how long, but I’m probably older than most of those who know me realize 😂. But for RC, I only started in early 2024. I also only somewhat recently started working with digital painting (late 2023). I’ve been writing since forever, but I only recently started publicly posting my work as well. I’m generally not very social 😅

💬 4) DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST EVER CREATION? Again, can be RC related or in general! What was it, how did it feel to bring it to life, and looking back now, how do you feel about it?

The first creative thing I did for RC was the first three chapters of my long fic, Lux in Tenebris. I’ll talk about it in question 7 though, because I don’t want to get too repetitive. The first piece of art I posted in the RC fandom was a picture of Bont that I posted from an old account. I loved, and still love that piece. It was the first time I moved out of a more cartoony style, and inspired the HS2 portrait series I ended up doing later. link

💬 5) DO YOU HAVE ANY RITUALS OR HABITS WHEN YOU CREATE? A playlist you always put on, a time of day you prefer, snacks or specific tools/software?

I’m still working on my HS long fics, and I have a playlist I use for those (mostly Rok Nardin songs because they feel very applicable and they’re instrumental, so random words I’m hearing don’t end up in my writing). I write on my iPad with the keyboard attachment because I’m more likely to carry it around than a laptop. I use Word (bleh) because I need it for work anyway, but Word isn’t really friendly for HTML markup and that’s how I write my fics, so I have been considering other options (Rok Nardin Spotify playlist for those who might be curious). I also keep my fics in the cloud so I can access them on my phone in case inspiration hits while I’m at the doctor’s office or something. I save each chapter as an individual file, and for these fics I’ve been posting them as I write them. If I ever do another series like this again though, I may consider a different course of action because it does get a little stressful when writers block hits. My fics are long, and I try to post chapters every week or two, so I’m writing a looooot these days. If I have writer’s block (which has been happening more and more lately), I use different strategies. My bestie isn’t a RC fan, but she’s happy to let me run thoughts by her (which has come to some entertaining results from time to time). Sometimes I’ll just put on that same Rok Nardin playlist I use when writing and go for a walk, because it helps keep me in the mind of it so I can brainstorm. If that doesn’t work… I step away. Close my iPad and don’t even think about it for a bit, or move onto a drawing for a while. For art: No rituals, no things I do every time. I draw when the inspiration hits, and draw until I’m bored of drawing 😂. I have surprisingly very few abandoned WIPs despite this though. I use Procreate, iPad and Apple Pencil. Sometimes I listen to audiobooks while drawing. Sometimes I don’t. Drawing is a very, very casual thing I do. Fun fact: most of my art only uses two brushes and a heck-ton of smudging. Any additional brushes are stamps. I wish I could tell you which brushes they are, but “Brush 4” probably doesn’t help 🤷🏼‍♀️

💬 6) IS THERE A PIECE OF ADVICE YOU WOULD GIVE TO YOUR YOUNGER CREATIVE SELF? Or readers in general?

1000% it’s that practice makes perfect. My art feels like a huge testament to that statement because (I think anyway) you can see the major improvements I’ve made in the last year alone. I have one CG that I like to practice new techniques by redrawing it, and I keep them in a row in my procreate folder so I can see the progression and my own improvement. It helps with motivation, but I find it also helps because I can take things I like from different versions to incorporate them into my style. I picked up a lot of technical skills and techniques by doing that. As for writing, I know it’s the most cliché advice ever, but write for yourself. Write what you want to read; chances are there’s someone else who wants to too. The nice thing about doing that, is that you can do whatever you want. And for both, don’t value your work based on its engagement. That was a tough lesson for me to learn, especially with my art, which hasn’t been getting very much engagement at all these days, and my new fic, which isn’t getting nearly as much in the way of comments as Lux in Tenebris did. What I’ve found though, is that every time I start to get bummed about the lack of engagement on BO&BR, someone pops up out of nowhere to tell me they’ve loved my stories and have been reading them for a while. The point is, just because I’m not seeing engagement, doesn’t mean it’s not there; sometimes people just don’t know what to say, sometimes they’re too shy to say anything, sometimes they mean to say something and it slips their minds. Either way, if you work on something you love, it doesn’t matter what other people think.

💬 7) CHOOSE 3-5 OF YOUR FAVOURITE WORKS AND RAMBLE AWAY! We want all the behind-the-scenes thoughts: What do these pieces mean to you? What inspired them? Were there any struggles you faced while creating them? What emotions or memories are tied to them now?

Lux in Tenebris – Malbonte x MC HS1 (long) fanfiction (Posted on AO3, rated E for occasional smut and canon-typical descriptions of violence / death)

I chose this one first for a reason, because it is by far the most meaningful project I’ve ever done (and to be honest, hopefully the most meaningful I’ll ever do). Lux in Tenebris is my entire 2024; I started it in January, and finished it in December— it’s over 255,000 words (1100 pages). I was (am? but it’s much better managed now) very sick in 2024, and I ended up in the hospital for over a month. Lux was my main project through the year, and it helped me get through the harder times; it is a tangible representation of my struggles that year. I love Lux, and I hope I always will. I know it’s not perfect, there were a lot of chapters I wrote when I was extremely unwell and could definitely use some editing, but I’m not perfect either. It was the first long fic that I ever fully completed, and it was the first project I’ve ever done that I legitimately made for myself and my own enjoyment; other people liking it was a very unexpected, and pleasant, bonus. (Though admittedly, I did at one point think how nice it would be if a non-Malbonte fan read it and became a Malbonte fan 😂. That didn’t happen to my knowledge, but I had a non-HS1 fan read it and enthusiastically love it, so I’m counting that 😄). It also wasn’t the story I planned in the beginning (I completely changed course around chapter 3, then totally committed to that change by chapter 7). I’m happy with the direction it took though. I poured my whole life into that fic, and I’m still working on the sequel. So yeah, it’s pretty important to me. I loved writing it, I love reading it, and I love talking about it. This fic is my baby.

2. The HS2 LI series

Similar to Lux in Tenebris, I worked on these portraits to distract me from being sick, and I wanted to work with a bit more variety of people. HS2 is (probably obviously) my favourite story on the app, and I wanted to honour it somehow, I guess. I actually want to do the series over, because I feel like I’ve learned a lot of new techniques and improved my art since then, but we’ll see. I have to finish the ABH series first. I actually find Dino and Lucifer to be two of the most difficult people I’ve drawn to get “right”, and those two portraits took the longest by quite a bit to do (Luci with his tattoos especially. Tbh, the more I look at it, the more I reeeeeally want to redo War and Astaroth too…) Anyway, yeah, it was a fun project that I did because I love HS2, and it was a lot of fun to work on. Of course with practice, as I’ve improved, I can see a lot more issues with these pictures than I could when I did them, but I’ll always love the project itself because it was a nice distraction from the things going on at the time. Dino / Lucifer / Mimi / Astaroth / War / Hunger / Malbonte

3. Black Obelisks & Blood Roses (Malbonte x MC HS2 fanfiction) – in progress sequel to Lux in Tenebris (Posted on AO3, rated E for occasional smut and canon-typical descriptions of violence / death)

I debated choosing this, but decided I can’t promote Lux without promoting the sequel I’m currently writing, Black Obelisks & Blood Roses. It’s only about 1/3 of the way done, but it’s already over 164,000 words (650 pages). I’m actively updating at least twice a month, but often more than that (and never less). I grieved Lux in Tenebris when it was finished. It literally felt like a piece of me died or something. I had started planning BO&BR very early into writing Lux, so I knew I was going to write a sequel, but I had every intention of taking a month or two between the two. I did not. I started this one earlier than I planned because I was so sad about finishing Lux that I had to. It’s been a lot more of a struggle to write, especially lately. I’ve got a lot going on in my life, and honestly, the subject matter is kind of a bummer sometimes. I’m only JUST coming out of Season 1 now in the fic. BUT, I still love writing it, and going back to my little world with Malbonte and Antigone. I just revealed my first major divergence from canon (and not-so-secret crossover), and I’m simultaneously nervous and excited. I’ve been planning this for months and I’m kind of freaking out that it’s already here. Anyway, my fics take a lot more of my time, so I tend to have a lot more feelings around them. I plot and plan constantly, readjust and rework plans as needed. Even still, I go with the flow while I write, and sometimes things happen that even I didn’t expect but they feel right, so it becomes part of the story. That’s my favourite part to be honest, when I write something and I’m like “damn, that wasn’t supposed to happen yet but it’s SO GOOD here”.

4. Raphael Portrait

I’m two characters (David and 🥰Cassiel🥰) away from finishing the ABH LI portrait series, but Raphael is the latest art piece I’ve completed, and definitely in my top 3 best pieces ever, I think (it could be #1, but I’m biased so clearly my best piece is Malbonte 😂). I’ve started experimenting more with open mouth smiles, which has been fun. I love Raphael’s smile, it’s just… ugh, so cute. I started working on pictures recently where I do the parts I don’t enjoy doing first, so that I don’t just kinda say “eh, it’s done enough”, aaaaand I’m pretty happy with that decision looking at this final piece. I’m really happy with how he turned out (especially his hair, haha and the light fixture in the background 😅). Unfortunately I’ve also been finding him a bit intimidating because I feel like he’s pushed the bar up. I haven’t even started the next portrait in the series (though I probably will the second I put this down because I’m suddenly feeling inspired) (update: I did in fact start it, but I’m still feeling intimidated by Raphael, so it didn’t get done by time of writing 😅).

5. Malbonte Portrait, CG Redraw

Last one! I wasn’t going to add this piece, but I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t because this is my practice CG! I have many, many, versions of this CG in my procreate folder, because I use it to practice, play with brushes, and teach myself new techniques. I keep them in a row at the bottom of my folder so I can see my progress, and refer back to things I like and don’t like about the ones I’ve done. This one is my favourite so far. I love Malbonte, so I’m always happy to complete Malbonte fan art. I think when practicing, especially if you’re going to do the same drawing over and over again like I do, it’s important to draw something that you enjoy doing. This CG is one of my favourites, and it’s a fantastic face-front portrait for practicing faces. I love it.

A huge thank you to everyone who took the time to read Lola's feature and celebrate her incredible work with us! And of course, thank you to all the amazing creators who submitted this month—we’re constantly in awe of your talent and passion.

Here’s to you, Lola—you paint stories we can’t stop reading and write pictures we can’t stop staring at. Congratulations, and thank you for sharing your gift with us! 🩷

#romance club #rc catalog event #rc catalog cotm #creator of the month #divider by sweetmelodygraphics

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bluemoonpunch · 13 days ago

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🌟The Elemental Alignment of Kim Namjoon (Part 2) - Tarot & Oracle Reading

[Performed: May 9, 2025 / Posted: May 26, 2025]

INTRODUCTION I’m quite excited about this, getting to sort of reassess everyone from the ground up to get a look at how their core energy is currently standing coming out of enlistment and into what feels like a whole new era of being on many levels. To really refamiliarize myself with some of the progression and development that we’ve been able to see and document through the readings, for each of the guy’s, I’ll be re-reading through their past solo readings before doing their new Elemental Alignments and taking notes on anything that stands out to me or that I feel needs to be brought up again for reference and reminder.

For Namjoon, these are the readings I revisited:

Elemental Alignment (May 27, 2018)

External Alignment (November 26, 2018)

Internal Alignment (March 22, 2019)

Past Life Reading (August 16, 2021)

Despite there being only a few solo readings for Namjoon, we have quite a detailed picture of an area of development around conscious-level self-reflection, connection, and a process of disintegration and reintegration of the soul connection to the layers of consciousness. This process was majorly simplified and well summed up by looking at it within the Soul Body context of Namjoon and Jungkook “switching places.” This referred to the idea of Namjoon and Jungkook’s conscious level judgment, stemming from their outward and conscious level projections of their Virgo Suns, inverting between internal and external as a way to ensure personal development as well as a way to keep the Soul Body as a whole in balance as they sat as “bookends” to the structure — Namjoon sitting as the Crown while Jungkook was the Root.

When I first started doing readings for them back in 2018, Namjoon’s judgment was external, as in he had more of an analytical and critical eye for everything and everyone around him, to the point where his manner of self-reflection mostly seemed to require a level of detachment or externalization of his own emotions and experiences. On the flip side, Jungkook’s judgment was internal, meaning most of his criticism was kept toward himself, which left him quite vulnerable on many levels as he essentially didn’t have the best filter for what came his way consciously or energetically. From 2019 to 2021, the necessary inversion and rebalancing of the overall system, which coincided with the Soul Body healing, integration, and eventual separation, they did switch their modalities, with Namjoon disconnecting from the external focus, diving inward toward himself in a more raw way, while Jungkook’s confidence and self-assuredness skyrocketed and he began to establish himself more clearly without filtering himself, instead learning to filter other people, filter out negative and restrictive influences on multiple levels through a more critical eye towards others.

It feels quite extreme looking back at it now, especially when looking back at some of Namjoon’s readings and remembering that that man’s soul was going through it trying to hold onto a previous state of being, similar to what we saw with Jimin at one point concerning his position in the Soul Body. I completely forgot that his Past Life Reading actually contained a snapshot of his soul and inner world at the time of that resistance where things were quite heavy, locked in, isolated, and oddly grief-stricken. With that being said, he has come a long way since then and I think albums like Indigo and Right Place, Wrong Person may reflect a level of expression, honesty, and self-connection that may have once been seen as stashed away dreams in his first Elemental Alignment (2018) reading where I said:

“It’s an odd place to be, but it’s like, on a subconscious level, he’s hiding some of his own energy, saving it for other things that he knows he can’t do right now. The moon in the picture, the moon in tarot, the moon in astrology relate to secrets, the subconscious, emotional needs — that’s what this alludes to. That emotion is there, but it’s hidden away with that stashed energy, that stashed passion. He has secret desires, dreams, and goals that he might not even share with himself. It’s like he thinks that if he speaks it, it will come into existence and knock him off the path he’s on now and he understands that it has to be the priority in this lifetime. Again, he is a servant to his cause.”

NOTES FROM THE ARCHIVE Now, for the actual notes I took. These are just bits and pieces that stood out to me while reading, some of which connected back to pieces of the ARMY 2025-2026 Outlook Reading, as well as a reading that I was going to share as part of the BTS Countdown Event, but I simply just wasn’t going to have the time to write it (I will be sharing it later in June or July though!), which was a BTS Bias Breakdown, assessing the individual communities and soul groups around each member that are situated within the ARMY community and soul group. I will just copy these straight from what I have written, just to be used for reference and reflection as we move forward.

[Elemental Alignment]

— Big change in the realm of spiritual connection, awareness, and the willingness to step into self-reflection and deeper shadows. This seems to have been a learning curve, one that his soul group has followed him on and probably mimicked to some degree within their own progression.

— there is an easing of form, his shape is softer now than it was then.

— Gazelle, core energy. Mentions the necessity of reconnecting with the self, evidence of this overall process having already been seeded in the core at this time. It was a fated process for development, something that was intended to be shared or displayed eventually.

[External Alignment]

— Point of integration, could reflect the same kind of higher Guided preparation ARMY and the Soul Body are currently experiencing. Even the aspect of his Guides attempting to get him to slow down before and after this phase while seeming to also be under their own pressure for time in relation to catching a wave of frequency flux is mirroring what was in the ARMY Outlook Reading with The Hanged Man and the 4 of Swords.

[Internal Alignment]

— Shows progress with self-assessment and emotional connection. Shows the initiation of a new mindset, Namjoon 3.0. The foundation of, if not the entire structure of his modality inversion.

— Share the quote about the analysis of music, lyrics, and videos. Important for everyone going forward, but especially STILL important for members of the overall soul group to properly receive transmissions and activations through shared work and expression on a higher level. Needs to be reapplied to EVERYTHING.

This is the quote I was talking about:

“The analysis needs to be looked at from an internal point of view first, as in what he says (or what they all say I guess), what’s in the album, what is written, needs to be applied to yourself and then analyzed before group perspective is applied for the sake of fan theory and world-building. FYI, that’s how HYYH and Wings were meant to be as well, which most people did since there wasn’t so much stuff already cemented into the “BTS Universe” with the storyline. The personal interpretation was prioritized first over what is now considered to be set in stone. Then shit got all wonky and weird with LY so people are more likely to focus on the very surface-level stuff.”

[Past Life Reading]

— holds a snapshot of his inner world in transition, a state of conflict between a fated process, the soul, and the conscious mind all at the same time. Vivid imagery.

— Interesting access to past life lessons, entirely centered on grief, guilt, and a sense of reality bending out of his control.

— Interesting that he did end up “running away” or feeling lost before and after the conscious and physical separation of the group began with the enlistment period… it mirrors what his soul was doing here after the separation of the Soul Body as well as what he did in this past life. Man likes to run but scares the hell out of himself when he realizes he loses himself in the process. Must be a habit of the soul rather than purely a trial for development.

CURRENT OBSERVATION OF THE INNER WORLD I saw something super interesting here that connected back to the reading I mentioned, the BTS Bias Breakdown, which I had originally planned to share as part of the countdown event. Slight spoilers, but one of the main signatures that I got for Namjoon and his soul group was a connection back to Egypt, which may have been the point of initiation for the soul group itself. I won’t give it all away now, especially as it requires a lot of extra context, but there was a connection to the Goddess Wadjet. Here, in this reading, I see a connection to Atum, the God of everything ever in all of existence in Egyptian mythology. This was quite interesting based on the connections of Atom, Adam, and Atum being one of the “singularities of creation.” This is something I wrote about a LONG time ago, but I don’t think I ever posted it — essentially, the idea was Adam, Atom, as in a literal atom being the basis of physicality in the 3D, while Eve, or Evvvvee, vibration is the energy that moves through it as waves, sound, light, heat, and brings it to life. The feminine and masculine principles are inverted and balanced on this level where Adam/Atom reflects the idea of the stationary egg while Eve/Vibration reflects the moving sperm cell.

While trying to get a visual of Namjoon’s current inner world, all I could see was a dot. A little dot of white light that looked a lot like a very distant but very bright star, all on its own in a void. It felt very far away, condensed, but quite stimulated, almost producing a tangible hum that could be felt and heard. I just sat in observation for a while, staring at this dot and wondering if anything was going to happen or progress. After a while, one of his Guides popped in for just a split second to say, “this is only a moment.”

From there, the words “singularity” and “precursor” popped up with something that seemed to visually reflect The Big Bang, or a kind of outward explosion from this dot/star that would occur eventually, potentially something that could connect to the revival period mentioned in the ARMY 2025-2026 Outlook Reading. With one of his Guides saying, “this is only a moment,” I believe that to be quite literal with the idea that, on a higher level, where time is not linear and the perception of progression is in a sense of totality, everything all at once, Namjoon, and perhaps by association, the Soul Body and the overall Soul Group, are actively experiencing something that goes beyond the idea of rebirth or creation. What I was seeing was a photograph, a picture of the moment that Existence itself crossed paths with Awareness and sparked Reality. Something on a soul level is occurring, but from down here in this reference point on a conscious level, it’s registering as a star on the verge of exploding out into the Universe, creating a new Universe within the Universe.

From my perspective here, it’s a pot of water boiling to the very edge, paused right at the moment the water begins to peak over the top, not boiling over just yet. Something is building up there that will bring quite a significant shift on a soul level for himself, the other members within the Soul Body, and the soul group, which will most definitely reverberate downward toward something more tangible and noticeable. I’m still going back to a lot of stuff that was in the ARMY Outlook, especially regarding the Wheel of Fortune/10 of Cups/Ace of Pentacles thing that their Guides laid out as a necessary culmination point, something that would tip them over into another 10-year cycle of sorts, or solidify something for another 10 years. It was coming through as something “going beyond an album,” a more mundane and physical reflection of what I’m seeing here as “going beyond rebirth or creation.”

I also want to make a note here about this visual seeming to draw me back to what I was seeing about the “future form” of the Soul Body in the ARMY Outlook reading where, rather than seeing them as being seven individual energy centers tethered together in a way that reflected and held the positions and signatures of the seven main chakras through the spine and nervous system, I was seeing them as planetary bodies alongside each other, orbiting around each other, held together by a magnetic force. I wonder if this is at all relevant to why and how I see Namjoon’s current position as something reflecting the creation of the Universe.

CURRENT ENERGY SIGNATURE I’m crying, look at all the stars! Anima Mundi, Blessed, Universal Light, The Star, and the Ace of Pentacles all have these stars in their images that feel extremely pushed forward, highlighted, and locked into place. I’m feeling them all the same way I was feeling Namjoon’s little dot of light, like they’re heavy, holding a lot of energy in a small form, humming to a degree. It’s pretty intense actually.

This section is just to look at his overall projected energy right now and going forward post-enlistment through the lens of the cards themselves, looking for either verification or elaboration of what I was seeing regarding his inner world or the space where his soul meets his layers of consciousness. Right away, the first set of cards out seemed to perfectly reflect the element of “precursor to The Big Bang” that I was seeing with Anima Mundi and The Father.

At the very head of things, this looks like a direct reflection of what is or will be happening once that little star that is his soul decides to explode outward. The Anima Mundi card is described as, “all that is,” which goes back to Atum as well as the reference of planetary bodies. I’m also seeing this card as reflecting multiple, if not all layers of awareness and consciousness that would be in play through this burst. I’m also quite interested in The Father card here as there is that higher reflection of being the Crown in the Soul Body, the head or leader in that way, but also, this card came out in his section for the BTS Bias Breakdown reading which centered on the energy signature of the overall group and referenced his ability to access, occupy, navigate, and guide others through light and shadow, positive and negative, a full spectrum guide and teacher.

In addition to this, The Father was lying underneath Anima Mundi when it came out, very similar to something that was in the BTS Bias Breakdown reading, where The Father was laid over The Stone, at one point reflecting the idea of the tree having to grow through stone rather than soil. There is this culmination point felt here where the tree grows out of stone, but the Universe grows out of the tree. It’s quite elaborate in my mind the way that this looks, but it could almost be boiled down to the idea of chiseling the soul into something worthy of a level of worship like a marble statue treasured for hundreds, thousands, or even millions of years.

The sense of things being paused or frozen inside of a photograph of a single instance in time is reflected with the 555 card over the Beautiful card. Just as they are laid out in the image, 555, which reflects that element of stagnation of necessary and guided pause, was over Beautiful in such a way that it felt like we were seeing a paused video of a person just beginning to open their eyes and a flower just beginning to bloom. There’s also this very interesting flow between the cards that may be difficult to see, but the lines that flow over the 555 card flow directly into lines on the Beautiful card:

There’s this feeling, again, of the Beautiful image just starting to “wake up” or “bloom” and then the lines that form the images are almost sucked into an odd warped place within 555. On some level, it’s making me think of how blackhole simulations look where we can see light being pulled and bent around and into it. If I’m not mistaken, isn’t the whole idea of “the Universe is breathing” have to do with the idea that with The Big Bang everything exploded outward like an exhale and eventually things will be drawn back to the center point like an inhale, which presumably would be through the insane gravitational pull of a black hole that would suck everything into a singularity before exploding outward again??

And not to stroke my nostalgia boner here, but the reference to Beautiful, the flower blooming, and the idea of waking up being paused, is also making me think back to HYYH, the initial call for the soul group to come together again, and the idea of the revival period for both BTS and ARMY. As one would expect, it would start with Namjoon as the head or Crown of the soul body and the initial access point for downward integration from higher source energies.

The eye of Beautiful is also looking upward toward Magic which felt to be reflecting a separate layer, a lower layer of Anima Mundi. Anima Mundi feels like a view of a computer’s coding, all the 1s and 0s and whatnot, while Magic feels like what you would see on the screen while those codes are running. Magic is what we would see but Anima Mundi would be what is happening on a higher level.

Then, with Blessed, Universal Light, and The Star, there are these lines of light in all three images that move upward and downward, creating channels and conduits of these higher light sources, which, again, feels very relevant to Namjoon’s higher souls position as the Crown, the major conduit that reverberates down into millions of people. Going from Anima Mundi to Magic, Blessed, and then Universal Light feels like a process of transference or integration that is being carried down from what I would imagine being at least the 8th, 9th, or 10th Dimensional space, with Universal Light representing the space of 5D blueprints that are relevant to human consciousness itself.

If we follow that pattern, the 10th House card represents the 4D, elements of time and where systems of fate can be rooted in. With this being represented by the 10th House we have systems of higher standing, fame, power, and influence of the mass collective. Beautiful and 555, the space that is paused is the 3D, the physical and conscious space which carries into The Star and the Ace of Pentacles in a very interesting way. The Star is the star that I was seeing, marking here a point at which the star explodes. In a sense, what we would see when The Star activates would be the Ace of Pentacles. Essentially, while there is a multilayered process happening on a higher level, we may only experience the sense of The Star, a point of culmination, inspiration, or activation that would be very tangible to the soul group, followed by a physical release of something, which could be to do with music or some other physical conduit of these transmissions. This could reflect again the Wheel of Fortune/10 of Cups/Ace of Pentacles from the ARMY Outlook Reading for the progression into 2026.

Another reference to the element of pause was shown with the Universal Light and 10th House card, where there is a break in the integration or stream of this energy. Both cards are number 34, which together would add up to 7. On one level, this is very literal in the sense that as they are separated physically, the Soul Body remains separated which means these higher energies can not move down the system, creating this sense of pause or waiting for the breaking point. The separation of 7 into 3 and 4 also highlights a separation between the 3D and 4D, or physical and conscious reality from the perception of time, which brings me back to “this is only a moment.” There is a time warp here, which is also something that came up in the ARMY Outlook Reading concerning September and October of 2025.

When we condense everything, what we are left with is a transition from Anima Mundi, all that is, being reflected and handed out into something very physical and consciously perceivable in the Ace of Pentacles, through the members of BTS as the conscious and physical conduits of the Soul Body where Namjoon is the first to receive and initiate all that comes through.

MAIN READING

CORE ENERGY: VULTURE — AIR I don’t even know how to put into words all of what I’m seeing with this, but it connects back to so many different things on so many different levels — the Soul Body and soul group revival, the exodus period for the soul group, the higher purpose of the Soul Body in general with its influence on humanity, the elements of Namjoon’s soul group being centered on healing and light/shadow balance, the aspect of the energy being paused or held back, Namjoon sitting in receptivity as the first to receive and initiate these fluxes on a higher level. It just goes on and on. For the sake of you hopefully being able to catch the vibe here, I’ll include the full description of this card, but keep all of that stuff in mind:

“Vulture — Guardian and purifier, essential for rebalance, clarifies, reveals wisdom. The Vulture is perhaps the most misunderstood creature of all. This intriguing bird balances our ecosystem and prevents the spread of disease. It does the dirty work that no one else wants to do and cleans up our messes. The Vulture appears when there’s a situation that needs to be purified or brought back into balance. Remember, the Vulture is greatly undervalued… what you thought was a mistake or tragedy is a blessing in disguise.”

This card reminds me a lot of Death in the Rider-Waite deck and how I always remind people that Death, or the Grim Reaper, doesn’t show up to kill you, they show up to guide or clear out what has already died. In this sense, it brings into focus this idea of the time warp, a reality shift, and a sense of perception being distorted to conceptualize the idea that the point when something dies is still an element of Life itself, an event that is part of the life cycle, with the point afterward, the process of decay, being another process within the life cycle as what is being broken down is being taken in to build up something new or to sustain life further. In that regard, we come into a 4D thought space where there is no such thing as Life and Death, or the 3D idea of a beginning and an end, a finite experience, a wall at the edge of the Universe. Instead, we see simply a process of soul integration and soul disintegration — a point in which, from the soul’s perspective, you make your way in and then you make your way out. No start, no end, just a continuation of all that is. Mind you, the 3D human consciousness is the only space you can perceive time slowly enough that you can create a sense of Past and Future, with the singular momentary state of Present that is continuously being experienced. Once you vibrate out of the body, or in other words, when you die, you bump up into the 4D where time is no longer perceived slowly enough, or even at all, to where you can exist within time as if it were the ocean.

Basically, in the 3D, the human consciousness rules time and space, in the 4D time rules over space and lowkey doesn’t give a fuck about human consciousness, at least not until it’s back to the 5D where it belongs. Until then, when we die we can, if we’re still very connected to our human consciousness, experience a quite warped and out-of-place experience where, much like getting caught up in a storm-fueled wave, you can’t tell up from down, now from then, and so on.

We’re looking at something we’ve seen before with Namjoon where sometimes his soul, due to his position and purpose, just kind of falls into an odd stasis where his central being, his eternal existence itself is being used as a tool, a conduit, an incubator that, right now, is mirroring the idea of a black hole that has sucked in every single bit of reality and is about to spit it all back out in a completely new form. The concept of existing versus not existing, life versus death, and beginning versus ending, is challenged here in a way that I can’t figure out how to describe. It’s very Anima Mundi coded but focused more on the elements of integration and disintegration happening at the same time through him, through his core, through his soul.

HIGHER SELF CORE ALIGNMENT: EARTHWORM — EARTH There are layers to this one as well. First off, the visual of the Earthworm brought to mind the aspect of Namjoon being a conduit on pretty much every level, while, right now, there’s a kind of knot in the system that is meant to be there as, again, there’s a point of initiation that is planned and is being prepared for both by the Guides of BTS and the Guides of the millions of people who are in the soul group.

I was seeing the Earthworm here connect back to the Ace of Pentacles, specifically as if it is reflecting the network through which Anima Mundi would pass to be physically and consciously expressed as the Ace of Pentacles. I see this as being a reference to the system that would allow it to take root in the ground, in the Earth, and on some level become part of the ecosystem, become part of a constant charge or fertilizer in the soil that would help things to grow. This seems to have to do with the reverberations of higher frequency — the Soul Body’s frequency rises when it comes back together, triggering the ARMY soul group, which triggers the overall ARMY community, which ripples out into the mass collective, and essentially sinks into the soil from there. It’s creating a network of roots, a new root system, which brings me back to the tree in The Father.

In the same way that we see all the color locked in by the Earthworm’s body, Namjoon’s essence, and probably the essence of an entire civilization, is locked into that singularity, that star I was seeing. It’s contained for a reason, tucked away, and actively being stimulated, waiting for the moment when the knot is undone in the system, for the moment the Soul Body is back together, where it will then sort of “snap” into a straight line and, much like Universal Light, just shoot that energy straight down. It starts to feel like a booster shot for humanity.

As this is in the state of his Higher Self, or what his soul is actively trying to do with his core energy, it reflects the same kind of stasis or non-conscious state overall. The Higher Self isn’t necessarily trying to do anything as something is being done through it, it is a tool and a conduit for higher intention and Namjoon’s soul is a willing participant, a willing volunteer for this work, and has developed literally for what could be perceived as millions of years to function like this. How this would look on a conscious level… I’m not sure if it would look like anything as the same kind of “locked in” or guarded feeling would probably be present with him at least subconsciously to protect this overall system. There was a mention of preparation for protection in the ARMY Outlook reading that did reference The Star card, so that could be something that is already in play for Namjoon specifically as his soul is holding what we can just collectively refer to as Anima Mundi.

WATER ALIGNMENT: GOLDEN EGG — SPIRIT ASSOCIATED CHAKRA: HEART CHAKRA Now, luckily, as we get into the individual alignments, the breakdown of the core energy, we’re sinking back down into the layers of consciousness which means things aren’t so wildly abstract, however, this damn Golden Egg here is reflecting a subconscious or unconscious element of the singularity star thing, but is showing yet another layer of it that is much closer to his conscious mind.

The Water Alignment acts as the most internal aspect of the core, the foundation of the core energy overall, and connects to aspects of emotional awareness and expression, creative inspiration and expression, and intuitive awareness and reception. With Namjoon, we’re getting a bit of that locked down, locked-in energy here with the idea of there being something of great significance inside the Golden Egg. Along with that, just as I was feeling with all of the stars in the energy signature reading and the singularity itself, the Golden Egg is humming. Both in terms of its energy and its meaning and reference, the Golden Egg hums.

The first thing that pops into my head with the Golden Egg is the reference to and use of it in Harry Potter where, In the Goblet of Fire I believe, Harry receives an egg that when opened sends out a piercing shriek. Only when he takes it into the bathroom and submerges it underwater is he able to hear a soft and sweetly sung voice give him instructions or a riddle for the next game they are playing. This is so unbelievably like that with the hum, a transmission that can’t be understood right now, but at some point will be clear to us in the same way that, eventually, all the characters would know what the next game was, but for Namjoon, if he “submerges himself” or connects upward to his subconscious mind, sits in receptivity, would be able to hear this hum. He would be the first to hear what it is saying or what energy is coming through. With it so close to the conscious mind, I imagine this would come through as creative inspiration that would then be put through expression. This also brings to mind the Ace of Swords and the 6 of Pentacles in the ARMY Outlook Reading, which represented something their Guides wanted to give them which would then be handed down to ARMY in some capacity, an idea, a message, a transmission, something to do with words and the mind.

In addition to all of this, the general meaning of the Golden Egg in this deck brings the focus back to the idea of Namjoon being in completely perfect alignment with his soul, but in a time when his soul is being utilized as a higher conduit and an incubator of sorts. It’s almost like if Namjoon were to dive inward right now, he would be able to feel the wall or the necessary separation, he would be able to feel the barriers but also possibly be able to work past them to a degree. On some level, with the description of this card, it almost feels like the Golden Egg is calling out to Namjoon and is inviting him to make that connection or to, in a backward motion, connect upward to make a conscious level connection rather than just waiting for it to trickle down to him. If I was giving him this reading directly, I don’t know if I would advise that, but I would mention it and tell him if he FEELS like it, he should, but if it feels to be a bit much, then for sure, just wait because this shit is going to hit at some point in the same way Anima Mundi will hit the Universe. It will hit either like the Ace of Swords, the Ace of Pentacles, or both, one bleeding into the other.

I will, however, definitely recommend those of you who feel yourselves to be, with certainty, a member of Namjoon’s soul group within the overall soul group that resides in ARMY, to connect with your Heart Chakra or center of your being through meditation as I think you may have some sort of “cosmic email” waiting for you to tap into. In the BTS Bias Breakdown reading, there were notes of the soul group mirroring levels of progression and riding the same waves of phases of integration and “upgrades.” It may be a good time to reconnect with yourself on a deeper level if you haven’t been lately.

For reference, I want to include the full description of this card for reflection as well:

“Golden Egg — message at the center of the heart, the unstruck sound — Within the Golden Egg lives a precious sound. Deep within that sound resides a message. The sound cannot be heard, nor the message discerned until we retreat from the noise of modern-day life. The magical essence of the Golden Egg needs warmth, quiet, and time to unfold. No rushing, pushing, or grasping. Find a place of deep and restful ease. Perhaps through yoga nidra or meditation. If you do not yet have a meditation practice, take some time for introspection or contemplation. When the mind begins to settle and the breath is calm, ask the question that weighs heaviest on your heart… staying open to any response you hear. Engaging with the energy of the Golden Egg is an advanced practice. It requires becoming intimate with our very essence and comfortable with vulnerability. When a feeling of tenderness or gratitude arises from deep within you, know that you are well on your way. Your chest may swell like you are seeing an old friend who’s been away for a long, long time. Listen to the message they’ve been waiting to tell you.

The subtle essence of the Golden Egg is nestled deep within the heart center at the fourth chakra. This chakra, called Anahata, is the home of the self or soul. By bringing the mind into this center we discover a portal to the most intimate and luminous space. It is said our inner guide sits there in deep meditation, waiting for us. Anahata translates as “the unstruck sound.””

FIRE ALIGNMENT: LION — FIRE The Fire Alignment is the aspect of the core where the inspired vision or emotional expression of the Water Alignment begins to turn into action or outward expression toward other people or just out into the world in general. This is the first port through which energy, expression, and essence can leave the individual and begin to register elsewhere. Here, Namjoon has the Lion, which is a very stable, highly developed Fire energy showing that this is both in alignment and balanced.

Following the same pattern of containment and focused stimulation, on a more conscious level, maybe more in the conscious and subconscious space, there is a deliberate restraint to his expression and output. It’s coming across as keeping his mouth shut, keeping his hands to himself, holding himself back in those ways, and with that it would suggest that he is experiencing some level of noticeable energetic flux or stimulation that he is consciously being mindful of. This very well could just be his excitement toward the end of his enlistment period, feeling quite happy and excited, possibly very inspired as he begins to imagine what things will be like when they’re all out and back together again, working both as solo artists and a group.

There is a very strong sense of maturity here as well, one that I’m seeing tiptoeing toward the next card in this deck which is the Elephant, the highest developed Fire energy in the deck. Again, it’s like he’s containing himself, but the second he can kind of “take off” the regal element, the well-behaved, cautious, and mindful suit — which could just be a matter of keeping himself together while he’s in the military, conducting himself more appropriately for the environment — he will burst outward into the Elephant, the highest simulated Fire energy, the highest and most clear projection of his energy, lining up with a more grounded and personal version of what we see with Anima Mundi.

EARTH ALIGNMENT: HAWK — AIR (REV.) This is pretty interesting. This is the only reversed card in the reading and it sits at the point of external emergence here. The Earth Alignment is the point of physicality, where the energetic body meets the physical body, where the conscious mind meets the outside world, and can showcase the level of a person’s groundedness, connection to the Earth, and self-awareness. With a reversed Air energy here, there is a conscious level disconnect being demonstrated here, one that is registering as a very literal separation from communicative outlets, as in, he just ain’t talking very much right now, and is holding things in.

Just the same as the others, there is the containment, but here it feels more reflective of the knot in the Earthworm. Rather than this being in the Air Alignment, which would reflect exclusively a disconnect from other people, here, in the Earth Alignment, it is suggesting that he is disconnected from himself because of his disconnect from other people. This could be family, friends, the other members, or his sense of disconnect from his audience. I was seeing this reflecting the Lion though, in a way where he is not without himself, he is not so disconnected from himself that he has lost self-awareness or a sense of his identity, quite the contrary. Instead, what I see here, is a new identity having been formed, or a new sense of self that is cooking, or heating up, being stimulated, and he’s very deliberately holding it in here, but the Hawk would imply that there are plans to express it at some point.

There was also an interesting pattern that I noticed first in the way that the Hawk is an Air energy that carries Fire, which made me take note of its direct connection to the Lion or the Fire Alignment. I then looked at the book and realized that the Hawk is the second to last Air energy, coming before the Eagle, just as the Lion is the second to last Fire energy coming before the Elephant. They are both reflecting that “just about to burst but I’m gonna be chill about it” energy that Namjoon has going on on a million different levels.

With all of this, it is incredibly important to note the meaning of the Hawk on its own, and for that, I’ll include the full description because why not?

“Hawk — watchful, all-seeing, messenger of divinity, sees clearly, intuitive — The sharp eyes of the Hawk watch our every move. This keen-eyed bird has the ability to see every little detail as well as the bigger picture. When this card appears, fate has its eyes on you, and the winds are shifting. It is said that the hawk carries new upon its wings and is sent from divinity itself to deliver it. The message should not be taken lightly… though it may seem small or insignificant, it will eventually redirect your course.”

Like… is that not so unbelievably relevant to all this stuff that’s come out in just the first two readings that have been done for this countdown event? And it’s just sitting here in his conscious mind like it ain’t about to be the biggest deal ever.

AIR ALIGNMENT: FISH — WATER The Air Alignment is the most externalized of the alignments as it is the point of meeting with other people and the conscious reception of the world around you. This alignment can show the state of the conscious level mind on a more superficial level, manner of communication, focus, and can sometimes reflect what is making its way into the Water Alignment from the outside. Here, Namjoon has the Fish, a Water energy that is coming through very clean and sharp, very different than how I usually see this card.

In a similar fashion to the Lion and the Hawk, there is a level of stimulation here that is almost too much to bear, a kind of excitement that can have your entire body tensing up involuntarily but with enough applied control you’re able to still your face and keep yourself from squealing. With such a clear rush of Water here in the Air Alignment, it can’t be counted as a misalignment and instead almost feels like an integration of Water in the Air Alignment. On some level, I see it as if the Fish is supposed to be in the Water Alignment, but was pushed out by the Golden Egg, almost like, since the higher subconscious can not fully connect to the higher unconscious, the soul, as it is busy doing it’s little incubation business, it just swam over and decided to sit in the Air Alignment since the Hawk is busy keeping its mouth shut temporarily in the Earth Alignment while Namjoon is physically separated from specific communicative outlets.

It’s like Namjoon is crazy receptive right now, but it would again register as inspiration rather than direct channeling or divine guidance, and with that, he’s getting quite antsy, very excited, probably thinking and overthinking, feeling and overfeeling everything, all within an effort to keep himself grounded and appropriate with the environment he is in.

The Fish, in general, is described as being quite restless as it is implied to be moving with the currents or, if in a bad state, fighting against the currents or being taken by them. There is a note in there about a change of focus, something I’m sure is to be attributed to the idea of fish having small attention spans, but here, it feels a lot like the Fish getting a glimpse of the stars or the singularity. Seeing it, feeling it, dreaming it, something of the sort stimulating this sense of infinity that is both exhilarating and probably a bit nerve-wracking. There is certainly a source of excitement being presented here, something he is seeing, whether it be within himself or something he is aware of outside of himself, something is getting this fish excited inside its fishbowl.

Side Note: I just remembered that Namjoon’s Past Life Reading, where there is a vivid description of his inner world at that time, mentions him being inside of a fishbowl-like structure, focused on the sky. I don’t know if it’s relevant, but it just popped into my head as I re-read that last line. Right now, even while the bowl is full of water and things are moving, he is still, on some level, “stuck inside” as he is limited to the restrictions of his enlistment as well as separation from his typical “currents” or daily flow within which he can properly work and express himself as he needs to.

The anticipation is clear even in the Fish’s description, emphasizing its love and need for movement. Really, it just feels like, while reading it, it’s relaying a level of craving that Namjoon may have, especially with the end of enlistment being so close, for his normal life, the flow, the release, the inspiration, and most importantly, the freedom. So you can see what I mean, I’ll include the description for this card as well:

“Fish — restlessness, change of focus, lost in the current, adaptable, travels well — The Fish loves to be subsumed in life’s current. Nothing pleases it more than movement, movement, and more movement. The roaming lifestyle of the Fish may be exhilarating for a while, but usually leads to weariness and slippery relationships. With all the possibilities out there in the vast waters, the Fish becomes lost without clear goals and intentions. Spend some time with the lunar forces, dear Fish, as the peace and calm of the moon will soothe your soul.”

MAIN READING WITH SPRINKLES! Adding to the main reading, I included Sprinkles to get more clarity and context to Namjoon’s alignments here. Starting at the very center, over the Vulture, he has “not moving,” which seemed to bounce off the other pink Sprinkle over the Lion which says, “driving away.” This reflects and affirms the idea of his core energy kind of being at a standstill, but not in a way where he is stagnant or dropping frequency, but rather, he is stagnant the way one is stagnant inside a moving vehicle. His Fire Alignment, his energy in general, is highly stimulated, boiling without boiling over, expanding on itself internally, building up pressure within the confined space of the Vulture, preparing to burst out down the line.

The other pink Sprinkle lies over the Fish, connecting it directly to the Vulture with a warning of, “glass door ahead!” This Sprinkle is meant to warn of invisible barriers or unexpected obstacles that can turn into opportunities or access points, but here, in reference to the idea of the Fish being currently contained inside the fishbowl of Namjoon’s own mind, this is implying a doorway being opened very soon that will allow him to open up and express, to let the Fish swim more freely. On multiple levels, this is registering as a reference to the “bursting” of the star or Anima Mundi, Namjoon’s release from the military, and possibly the release or expression of ideas or thoughts/feelings he has had brewing in his head.

Connecting in an interesting diagonal pattern, those three pink Sprinkles relay the center as being motionless while two outwardly projected spaces, Air and Fire, are active and stimulating each other. Lining things up with the idea of someone being in a car, the Vulture, Lion, and Fish are all technically passengers, but they hold, on a higher level, representations of the navigation system or operator (Vulture), the gas or engine making the vehicle move (Lion), and the road itself, the outer current that the car is following (Fish.)

Then, at the very top, over the Earthworm there is a Sprinkle that says, “once that path has been cleared,” which I was then seeing trickle down into the “Love + Power” which connects it over to the Golden Egg. Over the Golden Egg, there is then a combination of Sprinkles stating “a place to remember” and “amazing night.” I was seeing these four Sprinkles being stirred together between the Earthworm and the Golden Egg, creating their little vortex of energy that was coming through as “when the path has been cleared between the higher Source, the soul, and the conscious mind, the highest frequencies of Love will move through the system and hatch the Golden Egg out into the world. When this happens, it will be an amazing, showstopping, night to remember.”

Following this, the Golden Egg suddenly seemed to be highlighting and projecting onto the yellow Sprinkle lying between the Vulture and the Fish which says, “put on your hat!” This is in reference to someone doing their job — putting on your hat, putting on your uniform, playing your designated role in something. Especially with the idea of Namjoon’s soul being the Crown of the Soul Body, it feels like the hatching of the Golden Egg could be lining up with the revival period of the Soul Body and the overall soul group.

Lastly, the remaining Sprinkles were quite odd and seemed to register on a completely different level than the rest, a more conscious level and externally oriented level which seemed to explain why Namjoon seems to be deliberately restraining himself and acting as “appropriately as possible.” A few different things were coming through but most of them seem personal and mostly don’t need to be explained in detail, the crossing of “very bad day,” and “who brought a gun?” over the bottom two cards, the Fire and Earth Alignments seem to suggest a betrayal or an unexpected issue within his personal life, most likely involving another person, which he then internalized with the “it’s about you,” over the Lion. The Lion’s level-headed maturity thing, regalness, and effort to be “appropriate” seem to be a compensatory effort to undo or operate against a situation where he may have been in the exact opposite state of mind or behavior. While this may have been a negative situation, it is showing here that it led to self-containment on a conscious level which inevitably put him in a direct alignment with his soul, a direct parallel to the containment that has put him in a better standing, the best standing he could be in at the moment.

With this, I was brought back again to the Vulture’s description, particularly the line that says, “Remember, the Vulture is greatly undervalued… what you thought was a mistake or tragedy is a blessing in disguise.”

And that’s all I have for this one, thank you so much for reading! :)

XXXX

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#bts #kim namjoon #namjoon #rm #bts rm #yoongi #suga #jhope #hoseok #jimin #jin #taehyung #bts v #jungkook #tarot reading #oracle reading #idol reading

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porschas-palette · 2 months ago

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Pinky and the Brain and Animaniacs are taking over my brain again, this hasn't happened on a hyperfixation scale since 2023...HELP

LAB MICE DOODLE DUMP, ENJOY, EAT YOUR FOOD ANIMANIACS FANDOM I KNOW YOU'RE STARVING FOR CONTENT LMAO!!! <3

First time re-drawing them (oops I forgot to colour Brain's nose)

I did character studies on the mice so I could draw them accurately while still remaining in my artstyle (I probably spelled things wrong but idc). Why are they so hard to DRAW 😭 bruuuuh, I'll get the hang of it...

top camera pov lmao

ROMY!!!! For those who don't know, he is Pinky and Brain's canonical biological merged clone/child...not even joking, its canon, I'm serious (Still cant believe this episode was real, watch the episode called "Brinky" for context, he also was in a comic but I forgot which issue). This sucker was the easiest to draw somehow 😭

A summary of what happened (I decided to rewatch random episodes of the series, now I'm back in the fucking building again!!! /snapcube ref)

I have ideas I will provide 0 context for...you'll have to wait and see if I ever carry these ideas to the finish line Ooooo (some probably not, but others yes)

Uninished Storyboards?!?! :O (Song ref, Take over the world, sung at Animaniacs in concert, very cool song I love it). Are the storyboards in order? NOPE :D.

Random ass doodles (can you tell who my favourite characters are...I'll give you a hint, they're gene spliced lab mice hell bent on taking over the world)

(OLD ART BELOW) I used to draw them like this, Brain has a small head wtf, Pinky's eyes have a small gap between them also i gave him extra fluffy ears for fun, and their bodies are too human, not enough mousey proportions. (These are life sized pinky and brain cut outs I made for Halloween in 2021 which I still think is pretty cool despite the older art, they are 4 inches and 6 inches...life sized 😭💖.)

I forgot how large of a scale this hyperfixation is...so be prepared (if I end up posting lots of stuff lol, I post whatever I want here lol)

Don't panic Smg4 fans who follow me! (which might be most of you) I'm still hyped about Smg4 (I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE CURRENT ARC), but you may have to deal with the fact I have a lot of other interests, and I'm remembering how much I LOVE THESE FUCKING LAB MICE (and warner siblings, and all of animaniacs lol). If you guys like these shows too then YIPPEEEEEEE

I love both 90's shows so much. I love Animaniacs, I LOVE Pinky and the brain. And I really like the reboot (despite the few issues it had, still wish they hired Tom Rugger to get involved, HE WASNT EVEN TOLD ABOUT IT till it was too late, bruuuuuuh)

That's all folks!

(Just wanna say real quick, we WON, KETCHUP ENTERTAINMENT HAS SAVED ACME VS COYOTE!!! If they reference acme labs in any way I will explode happily) 😁💖💥

#pinky and the brain #animaniacs #animaniacs fanart #Pinky #The Brain #Pinky and the brain romy #Romy #What do I tag idk #Sketches #character study #Storyboard

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eggsaladstain · 17 days ago

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rewatching happiness (tvN, 2021) since it's on netflix now and i forgot how wild this show is

on the one hand, you have an almost too-realistic depiction of a zombie outbreak in a post-covid world with some of the most evil and selfish characters i've seen in a kdrama - the wife-killing doctor who would rather let everyone in the apartment get infected than risk going to jail for his crimes, the obnoxious woman gunning for the building rep position so she can embezzle the funds who is willing to be an accessory to murder to get what she wants, the cheating lawyer who constantly belittles his poor wife, the doctor's ex-mistress who becomes the lawyer's new mistress basically as soon as the lockdown starts, the cleaners who use the lockdown to make money by charging exorbitant prices for food and just become more and more greedy as the show progresses, the rich executive who knowingly put the drug on the market in the hopes that mass infection would lead to a quicker cure and then tried to use his wealth and power to cut the line to be first in line for the cure, and let's not forget the whole ass serial killer who uses the lockdown to commit more murders

the first time i watched this show i almost dropped it because everyone is SO stupid and selfish and horrible, especially in the last few episodes, but there are also moments in the show where it presents a genuinely compelling argument for the value of community and helping each other in times of crisis and how human connection is the solution, not the problem, even during lockdowns and quarantine - many of the infected who never end up biting other people are able to hold onto their humanity because of their connections to family and friends and thanks to the support from others around them, and the show makes an effort to remind us again and again that the infected are not monsters, that they're still human, and in fact, they often display more humanity than some of the people who haven't been infected

and then in the midst of this bonkers almost zombie apocalypse, you also somehow have, in my opinion, one of THE best romances in kdrama history featuring some truly iconic tropes - friends to lovers, he falls first, marriage of convenience, forced cohabitation, badass battle couple, he's calm and level-headed while she's brash and impulsive but they both go absolutely feral whenever the other one is in danger

yoon sae beom the woman that you are!!!!!! han hyo joo has played some very memorable characters over the years (most recently in both moving and blood free) and she is so so SO good here as sae beom, who runs headfirst into danger, who never hesitates to put bullies in their place, who is quick to anger but also quick to forgive, who is kind but not naive, who is realistic but never cynical and always tries to do the right thing and help people, even (and perhaps especially) if they wouldn't do the same for her

jung yi hyun, the man that you are!!!! truly one of the best male leads of all time and easily my favorite role of park hyung sik's, this competent law-abiding citizen and detective is just trying his best to maintain order and uphold justice in the midst of chaos, and though he is perhaps jaded from his day job, he is still empathetic and understanding of the infected - yi hyun, whose desire to protect the people he cares about is stronger than his thirst and hunger, who only lets himself succumb to the hunger when he's sure that his loved ones are safe, you will always be famous!!!!

the chemistry between han hyo joo and park hyung sik is INSANE and their relationship is just *chef's kiss* - the mutual trust and devotion, the way he calms her down when she gets worked up, the way she reminds him not to always assume the worst in people, THE ELEVATOR SCENE where he tries to be noble and sacrifice himself to save her while she says fuck that and refuses to let go of his hand, the fact that he is terrified of hurting her just as she is absolutely certain that he never will, the video he recorded for her!!!!!!!, the way she refuses to give up on him after she gets out, the fact that it's her voice that brings him back in the end, the way they are each other's happiness!!!

i will be chasing the high of this romance for the rest of my kdrama-watching days, i fear

and special shoutout to han tae seok - the man said i am here to serve cunt, save my wife and unborn child, find a cure for this disease, and be a menace to my superiors, in that order, and then proceeded to do all that and then some while also lying left and right for 12 episodes straight

this drama really has it all: a new twist on zombies, a compelling romance with insane chemistry, genuinely high stakes and tension, a cunty army colonel, and the unnecessary addition of a serial killer plotline before it was cool

#kdrama #happiness kdrama #park hyungsik #han hyo joo #jo woo jin #tvn happiness #kdrama meta #meta

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monkeydluffy19920 · 7 months ago

Video

youtube

“I’m swimming in the smoke, Of bridges I have burned, So don’t apologize, I’m losing what I don’t deserve”

This project was originally planned as a draft for the SaNami week 2021 (although the prompts were not even revealed yet back then *laughs* but then time came across and this was left to the drafts). Later I happened to open this unfinished project after a long while and decided it should be done and frankly spoken it was left again to the drafts as a half finished “test” version because I thought it was missing something (like subtitles but my old and crusty editing program was not co-operating :d) but now I decided it’s meant to be like this *laughs*

One of the reasons to pick this certain Linkin Park’s song was because its one of my all time favorites plus these lyrics seem to fit so well especially for the Sanji vs Luffy fight and it’s aftermath. Although the focus is on Sanji, this also became a little mixed version of both SaNami and LuSan (since WCI arc offered a lot for both from shipping’s perspective).

The chorus resonates very well with Sanji’s inner struggle of mixed feelings during the Tea Party he was dragged into. Gladly, this arc offered a huge opportunity for Sanji to have character improvement that he indeed needed.

As seen from the clips, this amv has the focus on the chapters 844 and 851 which are pretty much the turning points of the Totto Land arc plotwise and places for Sanji’s character developments. As fans have pondered before, this ac greatly highlighted Sanji’s tendency of putting everyone else before him. Sanji sincerly believed for a long time that by sacrificing himself he could spare his crew (just like Robin did back in Enies Lobby tried to save Straw Hats by putting her head on the place).

Although it was heartbreaking to see Sanji being betrayed by the one he thought he could rely on this arc (Pudding who was also pretty much tricked into this mess) it really was necessary for him to realize it was all a vicious plan built by Judge Vinsmoke and Big Mom and that Sanji was just a pawn in all that. He also forgot that his captain is the most stubborn one in the whole universe but honestly all Sanji needed in this arc was this wake up call and a kick from a butt from Luffy to remind that he is much more worthy than he thinks.

The “reversed video”-effect that was is Nobody it was easy (Luffy vs Sanji) amv made a little comeback and also I tried to draw focus some symbolism that Oda-sensei used as well in this arc i.e how the rain turned into a lightning storm and how he struggled to light his cigarette during his deepest moment of frustration (where he would’ve needed comfort the most) and in the end the rain ruins the fire and he realizes he hit the rock bottom and probably really thinks that “doesn’t deserve his nakamas”.

Gladly he did though and although this arc was great, it felt like it could stretch to have even more potential (i.e Oda-sensei could have given Nami and Sanji a proper reconciliation where they could have share their thoughts and explain each other). Shipwise this arc was very interesting from the beginning to the end and like in many reviews and posts, I think Oda-sensei did great work in general.

Not only by making Nami the badass fighter she deserves to be but also he did give Sanji and Nami potential to get their moments and even topped it up first with this dramatic emotional slap and later he made them reconcile by making Nami hug Sanji with teary eyes.

Shipwise Nami and Sanji have had a steady and balanced development throughout the series but the Whole Cake Island arc did give the vibe that although Oda-sensei wants to put the focus on nakamaship and chasing dreams, he does indeed tease fans with canon ship-material.

Anyway, shortly said, here you go, a new video. Hope you like it :)

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emelinstriker · 1 year ago

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Okay so just cuz I got reminded of how I have a few never published Transformers Prime X Reader drafts-

Would people even be interested in reading those? ôo

Cuz I barely see anyone still be really interested in TFP X Readers due to how old the show is- But like, I have a few that have been lying finished and ready for probably 2 years and would just need some editing.

Here, have a smol snippet of the Predaking X Reader one-shot I still have in the back:

But like are any of y'all even into TFP or would random one-shot drops be questionable- Especially TFP Decepticons cuz my hyperfixation never got into the vibe of writing for the Autobots-

---

Edit: The Predaking X Reader has long been out btw- I forgot to update this post like over a year ago LMAO

Also my TFP Masterlist-

#emelin rambles #transformers prime #tfp x reader #predaking x reader #tfp predaking #transformer x human #cybertronian x human #sneak peek #tell me if any of y'all wanna see more

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junoneptune06 · 4 months ago

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A controversial rant. (TW for mention of CP, Underage, Smut, etc.)

Welp, this may be the most controversial and very different Tumblr post I've ever made. So I just wanna say that recently, I became the latest hater of that one South Park ship that involves Timmy and Jimmy and that I used to love them until now. Why? Because I have 4 reasons, 4 REASONS WHY I HATE IT. The first one may be a long story tho but I'll give it a small detail to say here. around 2021, I was fooling around on Pinterest and even looking through anyone's South Park save section (the public ones to be exact). However, that's when I saw something that made me stop scrolling all the way: there's this censored CP pic of Doctor Timothy and Fastpass. (Whoever saved/created that, what in the solar system is wrong with you? go eat grass like a goat or smth.) Edit: most of their saves aren't actually nsfw but the one pic I've mentioned is, and if you're wondering why I fool around on Pinterest and even look through their saves without them knowing? That is because I wanted to find/look for any fanart that caught my eyes and I wanted to save them until I accidentally stumbled on this pic, well, regardless, I still fool around on Pinterest to find any good fanart that caught my eyes to this day, but I'll never bother seeing through the save itself ever again since that and I'll try to be careful. Second. There's this certain artist (I knew the username but I ain't gonna tell it here as well as to avoid witchhunt) that made the extremely-buff Jimmy fanarts (Well, I love PC Jimmy but he SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS WAY) but it's not just that, she happens to make the two look like they aren't disabled anymore. Oh? and how can I forget? She had once made a few Segg-ual tweets of the kids (mainly Jimmy iirc). and tbh. every time I see her. it discomforts me so I feel like I had to block her for it without causing an argument. Edit: I forgot to mention that her art style makes it even more uncanny 💀

Third. welp, same thing as the first one except, it's AO3. so around October 2023, I was fooling around in AO3 but until there's a random writer who makes a few underage smuts of Timjim, iirc, the last one they made was a Superhero/TFBW (well, it was all deleted... with the exception of the fic where Timmy was mischaracterize to be a creepo towards Jimmy. It was still up, and MAN, EVERYTIME I PASS THROUGH THAT, IT HURTS MY EYES JUST SEEING IT) thingy. another thing to ruin them for me, great job. And lastly, there's a Japanese South Park artist who I used to admire back then, but that was until they were exposed by an Instagram user that they, in fact, drew a few CP of Timmy and Jimmy in her private account on Twitter. Overall, yeah, my tone may be inconsistent, but anyway. The shippers (the problematic ones to be exact) as of today straight-up ruined them for me and made me prefer Timken or any other rarepairs that involve Timmy or Jimmy over this garbage. whoever made a cp/underage smuts of them, like I said earlier, GO EAT GRASS LIKE A GOAT AND FUCK OFF. But I really don't mind the shippers in general as long as they don't ruin it, and I won't happen to make an argument whatsoever. But if you ever felt butthurt by this post but not saying anything, I'm sorry. It's just I wanna let it all out, especially on my friend's server, here and there. and lastly... if you dare start a drama here because of it. you're an absolute asshole and so probably I am irl and you'll be blocked. Goodbye.

PS 1: I'll be deleting this post if I happen to get harassed over it. PS 2: this post will be somewhat edited over time in case there's something I forgot in my head, and even correcting mistakes. PS 3: Well, while I do still love Timmy and Jimmy with all my heart, I just hate the romantic pairing actually, I only see them as friends or in a platonic relationship.

#south park #rant post #rant #personal rant #ranting #hell naw i ain't gonna tag the pairing's name otherwise I'll get attacked

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tanyafreemont · 2 months ago

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annabel | she/her | worlds biggest tanya freemont fan <3 | formerly gnomeantics

hi! i'm annabel, i'm from england, this blog is my bedroom, and i think you should go and listen to nisemono ep by ginger root

some things i like include:

starkid (esp little white lie hence the url) since 7th august 2020 <3 (saw darren/joey/lauren @ london palladium on 15.10.23, went to sk innit and icbiballtay sunday, never shutting up about any of them ^_^) (STARKID STREAM NOTES — summary notes on ticketed (i.e. paid) livestreams so you can catch up/learn any new lore even without watching)

spies are forever since some time before april 2022 (saw the spies are forever west end concert! also i am intending to watch more tcb stuff) (see also #curtwensweep real 2k23)

good omens since 30th april 2023 (from the bottom of my heart, FUCK neil gaiman)

don't hug me i'm scared since 9th may 2021

bbc ghosts since 17th september 2021

our flag means death since 27th january 2023

supernatural* since 15th november 2024 </3 (* i watched spn for the bit and it imprinted on me. i don't LIKE it it's just irrevocably a part of my personality now yk) (BRITISHNATURAL — my stupid au which makes me giggle)

ginger root since early 2023 (i don't know an exact date :( )

chappell roan since 8th july 2024 (going to see her at reading festival in august!)

life on mars since 11th march 2025 & ashes to ashes since 12th april 2025 (INSANE. never talk to me ever again. i'm inconsolable)

computers!! (before they got boring) i loove older computers and phones, particularly those from the 90s/00s but i'll go older too. my fav laptop is the panasonic cf-w4 (MY WIFE!) as well as like any thinkpad ever. i have a special interest in operating systems esp windows (though would love to learn more about others, i enjoy poking around OSs but don't know a hell of a lot about many others). i run windows 7 pro and linux mint xfce 21.3 on a thinkpad e560 (2015) which is the love of my life

gnomes do not ask me about gnomeo and juliet ever

cats!!! i have two and i don't know what i would do without them <3 ive had a special interest in cats since i was TINY and boy it has NOT stopped

tags used on my blog:

#yapping for original posts

#love letters for asks

#hall of fame for my best work

#skull css saga for my css exploits and the consequences of this (feat. my beautiful daughter, skull curse sillyboy)

#fav for my favourite/saved posts

#graphics for images i like/want to save for use on my website or otherwise

#angel and #artie for my cats... guess their names

#britposting for well. british posting

#curtwensweep for the most insane campaign of my life

#flug for lilalienz4ever posts

i also tag most films/tv shows, i've tried to list the majority in my interests section but yk this is highly susceptible to expansion so might not be quite up to date all of the time

some more about me:

i've been on this godforsaken webbed site since the 6th of june 2020 and ive regretted every minute of it. god bless

my url is supposed to be a pun on the word romantic but "gnomeantic" on its own sounded kind of shit so i added the 's' on the end to combat this. this lead to the widespread interpretation of "gnome antics" which i welcome but i need you all to know the etymology here changed it but i want you all to know this nonetheless

my CURRENT url came to me in the shower when i thought "wouldn't it be cool if the url tanyafreemont was free. not that implausible i guess considering the tiny weeny size of the little white lie fandom" and then i forgot about that until like five days later at 11pm and thought i'd try it out and. well.

my blog icon is my cat angel but this image is called "hes so sleego splorch coded.png" ("sleego" for short)

ALWAYS open to making friends!! shoot me an ask or a dm and i'll literally be the happiest girl in the world

my cats are the best cats in the world. fight me (photographic evidence required)

my fav subjects to study are music and computer science!

i love making websites and my neocities can be found here!

other places you can find me

instagram / discord (mutuals can ask for it) / email / neocities / bandcamp / spotify / visit my wobble

image sources: header image 1 (cuppa), 2 (camera), 3 (oughh) | love letters divider | all blinkies | userboxes 1 (fibro), 2 (mutuals + friends), 3 (anti-AI), 4 (mutuals), 5 (sapphic), 6 (biting)

#about me .ᐟ

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yourlastbraincell-kiwi · 1 year ago

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A/N: This a Bill and Ted story I wrote a couple years ago. I changed up some of the words and everything, and thought it would be good to post it. Enjoy!

The story starts off in the third-person, but switches to the readers pov for the rest!

This also has mention of the events of 2020/2021, if that is something you don’t wish to read about please skip over this one.

Pairing: Ted “Theodore” Logan x Black!Fem!Reader

——————🫶🏽——————

"Ooo, what about here?" Ted picked up the book that said Circuits Of Time and went to the very back of the book and read a number, and pushed the buttons on the dial.

"Ooh, nope. Nope," Rufus said, moving Ted away from the buttons. "Do not. And I repeat, do not push those buttons." Rufus said hanging up the phone.

"But I just wanted to go to the year 2020, we've never heard of it before." Ted said.

"Yeah, why can't we go there?" Bill asked.

"It's best, if you don't know, what happened in that year." Rufus said putting the book down.

Ted looked at him, confused before smiling and taking the book back into his hands. "What about this one?" Ted said reaching for the buttons, that was supposed to take them to 2021. "I’m sorry, did you not hear what I said?”

"I did, but I don’t remember what you said.” Ted responded and Rufus sighed and put his hand on his head. “So… Can I press it?" Ted said reaching for the last button, with Bill looking over Ted's shoulder as equally intrigued as him.

"Of course not! You're here to learn about subjects, that do with your history report." The both of them looked at Rufus trying to make puppy dog eyes, trying to convince him.

"Look, I don't know what those faces were, but they were not convincing. Now let's go to-"

"Come on, please Rufus!"

"Yeah, come on!" The both of them begged and pleaded.

"Fine! But do NOT, mess up that timeline." They both did an air guitar and Rufus pushed the last button and they began to travel to the year 2021.

—————

"Hey, have you seen my phone? I've been looking since yesterday." I said asking my friend, Tiffany, as she painted her toe nails.

"No, maybe you left it at that dudes house." She said with a smirk.

"Oh, please. I distinctly remember, putting it in my- Oh! Here it is!" I said with a sigh of relief, one because I didn't have to go to school without it, and two, having to call 'him' up, to see if he had it.

"Saved by the bell this time, I guess." She said blowing on her toe nails, to dry them faster.

"Most definitely." I said grabbing my stuff, before walking outside. And then something that looked like an off-brand TARDIS, popped up in front of me. I was going to scream, until three guys walked out. One older than the other two, and the two looked real young.

"Woah.." Said the both of the younger ones. "This is totally bodacious." Said the shorter one.

"Hey, do you know when the Mongols ruled China?"

"1297? I'm pretty sure."

"Woah… Thanks, dude!"

"Wait, what was that, that just happened?" I asked as the older guy, named Rufus, explained to me everything. I was still trying to wrap my head around this, but I just went along with it.

"So what are you guys doing here then?"

"They wanted to know what 2021, was like."

"Hey, can you tell us what happened in 2020?" One of them had asked and I avoided, both the of their eyes. "Or not?" Ted said.

"I apologize on their behalf, what's your name?" Asked Rufus.

"(Y/N)." I replied plainly, still trying to process all of this.

"Nice to meet you, as you already know, I'm Rufus, and this is Bill," He said pointing to the shorter guy. "And this is Ted." He finished motioning towards the taller guy.

"Hi!" They said in-sync.

"Hi." I said admiring Ted, and his facial features.

"(Y/N)! Your forgot your...who are they?" Tiffany said trailing off as she handed me something.

"Bill, Ted. This is my roommate and best friend Tiffany. Tiffany, this is Bill and Ted, and that's Rufus, over there." I pointed and introduced them, as she admired Bill.

"Look, I'd really like to stay and chat, but I've gotta- SHIT! I'm late!" I said rushing to get into my car. "Tiff!" She didn't respond, still ogling Bill.

"TIFF!"

"Huh?" She said turning towards me.

"Keep them here! I'll be back in a couple hours! Bye!" I said driving off to class.

—————

"Now, that we've established what is happening, the question is WHY, it's happening now can anyone-" I barged into the room, disrupting the lecture.

"Look, who it is." I heard one of the girls, in the mid-row say. I rolled my eyes and quietly walked past.

"Miss. (Y/L/N). See me after class." I sighed nodding and walked over to my preferred seat in the back, as the lecture continued.

A couple minutes into the lecture, I took out my phone out of pure boredom. Making sure it was on silent and the brightness was down.

"Miss. (Y/L/N)!" I looked up immediately, and people started to laugh. "Can you answer the question for us, please?"

I looked around as someone tried to mouth the answer to me, I looked at them like 'I can't understand you.'

"Miss. (Y/L/N). Do you have an answer?"

"No, sir." I said looking down.

"Well then maybe you should start paying attention to the lesson, and not your phone, if you will." I nod. "This is college, not high school." I nod, putting my phone away and he resumed the lesson.

————

Ding!

I looked towards the direction of my phone and tried to cover it up, but there it is again.

Ding! Ding!

Practically everyone was looking at me now. And I knew my teacher was on his last straw. I took it out and tried to see why it was dinging and my eyes widened.

'It's not on vibrate. I switched it off of vibrate..' I mentally wanted to slap my self across the face, as my teacher gave me the look he's given previous students in the past for disrupting his class.

He didn't even have to say a word and I just got up and gave him my phone. No words needed. This caused some of the girls laughed and pointed at me. As I sat down, someone barged into the room, that person being Ted.

'Ted?! What on earth?'

I packed my things and grabbing my stuff and running towards him. "Where are you going, class hasn't been dismissed yet?!"

"Sorry, but I gotta go!" I exclaimed grabbing my phone from his desk, on the way out.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, Bill and Riff-"

"Tiff."

"-her. They’re doing they're own thing and Rufus left, so I thought I'd look for you." He said, scratching the side of his head. I smiled and walked over to my car.

"Well, that was nice of you to do. And I needed the break from school anyway." I said putting my stuff in the the car, before getting in. Ted just stood there, not knowing what to do. "Come on!" I said, and he instantly had that wide grin on his face and got in.

I started to drive off. "Where are we going?" He said, and I felt my smile grow wide. "I'm going to take you to best places, in the city!"

"Excellent!" He exclaimed, doing an air guitar, and I drove off.

#x reader #wattpad #fluff #black!reader #black!fem!reader #black!writer #fluffed up #all inclusive #cute imagine #bill and ted's excellent adventure x reader #ted theodore logan #ted logan x reader #ted logan

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melien · 8 months ago

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The Sims is love. List 5 facts about a favorite sim couple of yours, and why you love them so much. Then pass this on to 5 others, whose sim couple(s) you also love. 💘💕 :D

Ahhh this is a good one, thank you so much! I have so many good sims couples, including those that haven't happened within the story yet, but these two are so special to me and definitely on another level than everyone due to their rich history and feels.

I don't want to spoil the story especially since I'll actually be posting it soon, but here are some behind-the-scenes facts (ft. one of my favourite pictures of them)

They're both old characters created in 2016 and 2017 respectively (Tobias was a legacy heir and Lennon was originally made as a bc contestant and later joined the legacy verse). In the first story they appeared together, they were literally roommates (yes, I know) and were even set to date temporarily. But they weren't supposed to be a permanent couple, until in the newer canon I made them bandmates in a sexy glam rock band originally inspired by Måneskin, and eventually realised that they have way better chemistry than with their planned spouses.

The epiphany happened by accident - I wanted to take pics of Lennon with the character who was supposed to be their spouse at the time (tbh I put them together rather randomly only because I wanted to override Lennon's previous ship that was super cursed). Mid-CAS I had a mini-crisis and felt like I'd much rather take pics of them and Tobias as their relationship is more interesting to me. And guess what - Tobias is the next sim that pops up in CAS! I took it as a sign of fate, went to take their pics (and forgot about Lennon's poor spouse), and the rest was history - literally the next day I was hopelessly brainrotting for them and feeling like they're what was missing in that generation all along (as it was on a backburner for quite a while and I couldn't get inspired).

I also went down the rabbit hole of the old stories about them and in every single one there was at least one reference to something going on between them, or Tobias' spouse-to-be finding their "friendship" sus and feeling insecure about it. Tobias would literally never shut up about Lennon, to the dismay of his spouse. Even in gameplay saves they'd spend most of the time together and seemed like they enjoyed it!

The whole character verse and canon had to be restructured for them so that they could properly be together (basically their kids with previous spouses had to become their nieces, because with how they were developing and how close they were, I couldn't see them letting each other go and being in other relationships even temporarily, let alone having kids with other people) but it was all so worth it. They now have their own two daughters and I'd die for their little family! It was such a heartwarming journey, I think all the behind-the-scenes turmoil made the result even more rewarding.

Since their inception they gradually grew into their best versions! Tobias dropped some previous edginess and became a chaotic passionate sweetheart who cares so much about his loved ones and music. Lennon has gone through some style changes with more pastel hair and elegant clothing, I started seeing them as nonbinary, and their personality is also quite different from their original version. They're now more chilled out and introverted, but still retain their sass, class and creative streak. Even since 2021 when I first put the two together, I have gone through a few different versions of their story, but I think the current one is the one and I can't wait to share it. ❤️

#replies

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mesaprotector · 8 months ago

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Under the cut: most overrrated and underrated anime of each year since 2017 for me (subjective!), with explanations. You can send me hate but be nice about it.

I'm only including stuff I've watched at least a cour (12 episodes) of. And also, some stuff like Dororo, even if I didn't personally enjoy it, I can see why people would, so it isn't on this list.

Starting with overrated.

2017: Dragon Maid

I guess the appeal of this is gay undertones with adult characters in an era when that was still pretty uncommon. And I do like some parts of it, including the ending. But I just cannot look past the weirdness of the Kanna/Riko ship and especially whatever is going on with Lucoa/Shouta, and the show overuses many of its worse gags. Even as someone who has developed a decent tolerance for "weird anime fanservice" this went too far for me.

2018: Violet Evergarden

This is a more mild case. It's a very pretty anime I don't dislike, but the story is kind of all over the place and the lasting acclaim it's gotten surprises me. There's just one episode that's top-tier (you know which one); besides that, the show doesn't know what direction it wants to take or what message it wants to have, and Violet herself is nowhere near entertaining enough to make it work.

2019: Shield Hero

This take is so lukewarm it's like someone forgot they put it in the microwave. But yeah—it starts off decent for exactly four episodes then does nothing whatsoever of interest for the rest of its runtime. I feel vaguely sad every time I hear about it getting a new season.

2020: Jujutsu Kaisen

It's a shounen, so I don't really expect more than well-animated fights out of it, and it has occasional good writing. The characters are not as interesting as I wish they were, something made clearer by my friend making me watch part of Naruto soon after the first season aired.

2021: Komi-san

This is not how social anxiety works. It does not just render you a mute who is somehow the most popular girl in your class regardless. I mean, sure, if you're watching this just to laugh it's kind of funny, but nobody should pretend this has any social message.

2022: Bocchi the Rock

Oh boy. I liked this, actually—it's a slightly above average CGDCT (Cute Girls Doing Cute Things) show with one-dimensional characters, a predictable plot to the extent that there is one, and only a single saving grace—highly imaginative animation for approximately 2 minutes out of every episode. I finished it, re-emerged into the world of online anime discussion, and found that people were calling this an all-time classic. I think no other show's acclaim has confused me as much as what happened with Bocchi; at one point Anilist had it at #4 all time, which is absurd even after considering the recency bias. There are similar shows that do far more interesting things with their casts— A Place Further than the Universe, The Demon Girl Next Door, K-On. I guess since I don't relate to Bocchi I just don't get it. I'll admit, at least, that she's written much more realistically than Komi is.

2023: Heavenly Delusion

This show started out extremely well, but but just like Dragon Maid above, it's a rare case where the fanservice is so jarring it seriously bothered me. The show has one episode in a completely different animation style for no real reason, just because they pulled in a guest director. The ending is miserable to watch and unlike plenty of tragic shows there doesn't seem to be a point to it, or any level of narrative coherence. I would refuse money to watch a second season of this.

2024: Apothecary Diaries

This is another mild case, similar to Violet Evergarden—it's quite good, I just don't think it's as smart as people believe it is—and Maomao's character feels a bit too pander-y even with how good Aoi Yuuki's voice acting is.

———

Now underrated.

2017: Shoukoku no Altair

I guess this entire post is "overrated: shows with great animation" vs. "underrated: shows with poor animation". But I feel a shounen with an interesting world (based on historic Turkey), actually smart writing of military tactics, and great character moments shouldn't suddenly go ignored just because it ran out of animation budget near the end.

2018: Akanesasu Shoujo

I post endlessly about this show. It's a very dumb and yet very wise show with the most emotionally beautiful final episode in the history of the medium. Cowboys. Baked fish cakes. Amazon Prime. Arranged marriage. Watch it please I'm begging you.

2019: Granbelm

As far as I can tell the only reason people dislike this 2D (!) mecha show is the cutesy designs for the mechas. It's a show that handwaves a lot of its plot elements, so it wouldn't appeal to someone who wants logical analysis of their stories, but it's emotionally smart without being cliché, and the sound design is fantastic. I scarcely notice sound design—only this and Chihayafuru do it so well to make a real difference for me.

2020: Id:Invaded

This show is reasonably well-liked and not that obscure, but it's still better than its reputation. If I had any doubts before that I Kenjirou Tsuda was actually a fantastic voice actor instead of just having a great voice, they were gone after watching this.

2021: Pretty Boy Detective Club

Slow-paced dialogue-driven shows almost always feel underappreciated by the anime community, with Monogatari the lone exception. This is by the same author as Monogatari, visually beautiful, and every bit as well-written—and yet MAL has it at a 7.08. My best guess as to why is that the primarily straight male Monogatari fandom was annoyed by the mild fanservice of the boys in this show (it's in the name, isn't it?), and nobody else bothered to watch it. It's much less ambitious than Monogatari is and much easier to get into.

2022: Requiem of the Rose King

If "an anime reimagining of Shakespeare's Richard III with dysphoria as a major theme" is a premise that appeals to you, and you can tolerate some animation budget struggles, watch this; if it doesn't, don't.

2023: Revenger

Maybe people rated this poorly because they saw "Gen Urobuchi" in the title and expected it to be as good as Psycho-Pass and Madoka (it isn't). It's still a really good series about assassins and crime syndicates in a medium-sized Japanese town, with uh—broken-down churches? Hot guys? Trade negotiations? The animation isn't even at fault here so I have no idea why it didn't take off more.

2024: Sakuna of Rice and Ruin

There are a lot of shows this year I feel were underappreciated, but this is one of the easiest to recommend—it's simple and pretty, with good character development and a really good setting, and plenty of rice farming. It is a touch kid-oriented, maybe, which shows in the lack of complexity of its character conflicts, but I don't fault that.

#anime #weeb shit #post longer than that colours of the sky thing #i am bored #finally gonna get back to seasonal anime tonight after a few weeks off

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astralsi · 2 years ago

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hello, elli! how are you doing? i'm always very impressed by your builds, you seem to craft them very carefully and you definitely have an amazing eye for detail. there's lots of small touches that make them feel alive/realistic and they have a warm atmosphere that really appeals to me. because of that, i'd like to ask you if you have any tips when it comes to building and finding inspiration. oh, i almost forgot, i'd love to have your last builds and its residents when you reach the milestone!

Hiya!! this is such a sweet ask and the ideas are brewing in my head so you get a dissertation under the cut :D (ps ily you made my day HEHE)

ALRIGHT! so first of all a little context, i've been building since i got the sims 3 alll the way back in 2011. i think. i was 7, couldn't speak or even understand english yet and my game was stuck in it so for a very long time i was just doing whatever and most of the time it.... sucked! I got the sims 4 back in 2014 with the mac release, and back in the day the build mode was revolutionary so i spent a lot of my time in there. For me building is fun, i know a lot of people who see it as frustrating and timeconsuming and while it can be- it can also be very enjoyable in the right setting.

first of all, style changes a lot and my builds look different every year! the style i've been building in now only really started in 2021/2022 with this build:

now for some tips:

there's a lot of ways to get inspiration, but my favourite and most useful is pinterest! i have a board full of exterior and interior designs, some i use for vibes and others i follow very closely, i find using references (just like you might for sims) helps a ton when trying to build something realistic. Also think magazines like architectural digest, design blogs on tumblr, youtube home viewings, other video games, tv shows etc. When i'm building for DFM i like to keep Stranger Things, Gone Home and Bones And All in mind as inspiration, and when i build the house in this post for @literalite's Dgwicf i referenced the house from Bosch.

Along with that comes inspo from other builders on Simblr. Go and look at your fav builds, what makes them stand out to you? how can you incorporate that into your own builds? what do you need to be able to do that? One thing i did a lot while learning was watching speed builds; and i mean the REAL kind not the stop motion ones despite them being weirdly satisfying lmao. Ones with a good voiceover help too. Seeing someone actually build makes it a lot easier to figure out more complicated building styles.

One thing i like to do is to build through storytelling. I personally mostly build for sets, so then i like to consider what the viewer needs to see to be able to understand a character without having to know them, where you are/live says a lot about you! But for gameplay it works similarly. Ask yourself questions; who lives here, what is this lot used for, how much money do they have, where is this set, does this match the rest of the neighbourhood/town. If building many lots for something like a story or save file, i like to make a pinterest board for the town vibes too.

Technically, i think there's two main tips for making a build look nice in this specific style. Landscaping and Clutter! i actually think landscaping is the most important part of building as it ties the entire thing together; even if its just three trees in a planter pot. Don't forget about terrain painting either! this one's hard to learn if you never do it but i'd say start out with the softest but largest brush option and kind of airbrush some dirt/gravel around the lot and add a little extra dirt underneath houses and roads. Last tip; if you struggle with roofing there's lots of tutorials on youtube, or you could just choose builds that have less roofs.

i have no idea how to explain how to clutter but you could walk around your house to look for stuff you'd normally clean up if someone would come over. add that into your build :) think trash, laundry, study materials, craft projects, little random nicknacks, cooking supplies, etc. sometimes i go through my clutter folders and just put everything i want to use in one room and distribute it later once the furniture is in!

so uhmmm,,, i hope this was helpful lemme know!! have fun building and don't forget to take snack breaks... sugar helps hehe

#ts4 #ts4 build #ts4 building #anon #ask #you're so kind i was giggling at the compliments hehe

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holdmeclosertinytaron · 2 years ago

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RHW: Chapter Three

Story Page / Playlist / Wattpad / AO3

A/N: I am so unbelievably sorry that this is only just getting to you! I've been on holiday to the coast this week and totally forgot to schedule the chapter before I left. Then when I got there, I had pretty much no signal and no access to any decent internet so when I tried to post it, it failed. However, it does mean you get two chapters this week which is a bonus! Thank you for your patience.

And thank you, as always, to my saving grace during this whole writing process, @brayndilyn. You are amazing and I'm so lucky that you popped into my DMs that day last year. Life is brighter with you in it!

Warnings: Explicit language, narcissistic behaviours, rough relationships with maternal figure.

Word Count: 7.4k

December 23rd, 2021

Last minute work obligations for Taron and planning a book tour while also trying to continue her job for Liliana resulted in them not seeing one another since they’d had dinner and drinks. It wasn’t for lack of trying, either. They had both offered multiple dates that they were free but their schedules never lined up properly which neither of them enjoyed.

Despite their busy schedules, they had maintained their regular text conversations and it had reached a point that if Liliana hadn’t heard from Taron for as little as a few hours, she noticed she’d started to pout which worried her. The attachment she had for being friends with Taron again was growing stronger and his absence had begun to affect her more than she cared to admit.

It wasn’t a secret that she had been far happier since getting him back in her life. Though it only heightened how unhappy she had been before. If she was this sad not hearing from him for a few hours, she dreaded to think how she would feel if the happiness she’d only just gotten back was taken away. No doubt she would be worse than before the book launch. The thought alone scared her.

If Liliana had been completely honest with herself, not something she was regularly, she would have told herself that the feelings she had for Taron were slowly beginning to transform into slightly more romantic feelings of late. It had been Evelyn’s comment about them being a power couple that made her realise. She didn’t hate the comment her best friend had made, and found herself fantasising about a life with Taron on the tube home that evening.

It wasn’t difficult to imagine the future and what it could look like with Taron. Them being together and doing all the things; the small domestic activities like cooking together or watching TV curled up in one another’s arms, and the grand things like holidays abroad and attending events on one another’s arms. At work she found herself drifting off to think about him until Evelyn came into her office and knocked her back to reality with a thud.

Liliana’s feelings were unrequited. He couldn’t ever feel that way about her. He was an award winning actor and she was, well she was Liliana. She had a published book and that was as interesting as her life got. How could he ever think that way about her? He never did when they were younger. What would have changed in the years they weren’t in contact with one another?

As their road trip to Aberystwyth approached, Liliana couldn’t stop thinking about being in such an enclosed space with Taron for so long. Her stomach twisted any time she thought about it. Every night before bed she gave herself a peptalk, telling herself that she had to play it cool and see if she could get a read on Taron to decipher how he felt about her. If he felt anything about her at all.

It wasn’t the time to be making any grand gestures. They’d only been in contact again for a little over six weeks and she didn’t want to ruin what they had built back up. Especially not so close to Christmas.

On the morning he was due to pick her up for the drive home, she’d been a ball of nerves since her eyes opened. She anxiously flitted around her flat trying to get everything packed and tidied up before he got there. She cleaned every room twice and had reached the point of moving things from one place to another and then decided that she preferred them where they were before so moved them back. It was a vicious cycle that she couldn’t get herself out of. Until Taron arrived.

Taron had arrived a little earlier than planned to pick Liliana up, which was absolutely unheard of with London traffic, and Liliana wasn’t quite ready. She’d been in the middle of grabbing her toiletries when he texted to let her know he was there.

I’m just finishing getting my stuff together. I’ll buzz you in and you can come wait up here if you’d like? Instead of sitting in the car x

No problem. I’ll be there shortly x

No more than a second had passed between him pressing the buzzer and Liliana letting him in, pulling her front door open so he could walk right in without having to knock. Not that she would have wanted him to knock. All of her friends let themselves into her flat and she wanted Taron to feel comfortable enough to do the same.

With her suitcase now packed completely, she moved to the living room to get her handbag ready. When it came to roadtrips, no matter how short, she took them seriously. She stood in front of her bookshelf and stared at her many books to decide which one to take with her. Her own book, which was selling out everywhere at a rapid pace, sat front and centre staring at her and she smiled to herself.

‘I know you said your flat was tiny but this is petite,’ Taron commented as he walked through the front door into the narrow entryway that led to each of the three main rooms. He stepped around the suitcase Liliana had left and into the living room where she was trying to pick a book. ‘You know you’re only going for a week, right? That’s one hell of a suitcase for that short a trip.’

His words were light and teasing but Liliana went into panic mode. ‘If it’s too big for the car I can get a smaller one. It’s just got all of the Christmas presents I need to take and I don’t have any spare clothes at mum’s or anything.’

‘I was joking,’ he said quickly, putting his hands on her shoulders. ‘It’s fine. There’s plenty of space. Hello, by the way.’

‘Hi,’ she smiled, allowing him to pull her in for a hug. He smelled good. Fresh and clean and warm. Her arms tightened around his middle a little before she pulled away. ‘I just need to decide on a book to bring with me, or two because I get through books like I do cups of tea, and make sure everything is switched off and things are tidy and then I’m ready. Sorry I wasn’t ready to go when you got here.’

‘Don’t be sorry. I’m early. I was shocked at the lack of traffic, especially considering it’s the day before Christmas Eve.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ Liliana said, pulling two books from the shelf and putting them in her bag. ‘I can’t believe it’s already here.’

She walked through to the kitchen with Taron hot on her tail. The room was small and barely big enough for them both to stand in there at the same time. Their close proximity heightened their senses and Liliana had to clear her throat to break herself back into reality.

Taron cleared his own throat and offered to help Liliana check the switches. He himself had spent a good fifteen minutes checking each room of his flat to make sure that everything was in order. Liliana accepted his offer and asked if he could triple check the living room for her. He saluted playfully and headed back to the other room while Liliana took a deep, much needed breath.

‘I may have gone overboard because I got us some snacks for the road and I didn’t know what you’d prefer so there’s a selection of goodies from chocolate to snack bars to fruit,’ she confessed as she left her bedroom and pulled the curtain closed. ‘Knowing me I will also buy more snacks if we make a stop anywhere on the way there.’

Taron chuckled. ‘That sounds amazing. I’ve packed a couple of bits too and I always stop. I thought we could maybe stop for lunch? Even if it’s a drive-thru meal somewhere. You ready to go?’

Liliana nodded, reaching forward to grab her suitcase but Taron stopped her, his hand already on the handle pushing it down so that he could carry it easier. ‘I’ve got it, don’t worry. You just make sure that everything is locked up properly.’

‘You are a menace,’ she laughed as she followed him out of the flat. ‘But thank you. Make sure you watch me lock up. I will ask multiple times if I actually did lock up. I have already asked Marjorie across the way if she’ll keep an eye on things for me.’

Taron watched intently as Liliana locked the door and tried it to make sure that it was actually locked. ‘It’s locked. Come on, let’s get going.’

***

‘See that, that is why I refuse to drive in London. I hate how impatient other drivers are. Did you see the way he gestured at you?’ Taron had switched lanes on Wandsworth bridge over the Thames when a car sped in front of him and caused him to slam the brakes on. Taron had simply brushed the incident off but Liliana was baffled. ‘We’ve been on the road for five minutes and I already don’t know how you can drive so casually here. It’s awful.’

Taron chuckled softly from next to her, turning his attention to her when they hit a red light and he had to stop. ‘When was the last time you drove?’

Liliana thought for a moment. She had driven once in London, right when she first moved, and hated it so much that she hadn’t driven since. But even before that she rarely drove.

‘Oh god at least eight years,’ she laughed. ‘I never really enjoyed driving anyway. I much prefer being the one in control of the music. Which, by the way, I am excellent at, thank you very much.’

As they got in the car, Taron passed the auxiliary cable over, telling Liliana that she may be in charge of the music, just as long as her music taste was better than it was when she was a teenager. She’d laughed him off but quietly deleted three songs from the playlist she’d made the night before just in case.

‘You are going to have to give me some songs to add otherwise it’s going to be a Harry Styles road trip which personally, I wouldn’t be against. But that’s me who’s a fan of his.’

‘You know I met him once,’ Taron said casually, keeping his eyes on the road. Though he didn’t fail to notice her face turn towards him suddenly, no doubt with wide eyes. He’d just about seen her drop the phone into her lap.

‘You met him?’ She asked, blinking rapidly. ‘Harry Styles? What? When? Huh? How do I not know about this already? My two favourite men.’

She’d let the last sentence slip on accident but couldn’t take it back. Taron had heard it, and the twitch of his lips made it clear that he definitely had heard it. He laughed lightly and indicated into the junction so he could get on the motorway for the big portion of the drive.

‘It was a couple of years ago now in LA. It was this big meeting thing with Joni Mitchell. There were a few other people there too. Ellen Degeneres and Portia.’

‘Yeah, yeah cool. But you met Harry Styles?’

‘I did. We didn’t speak much but we had a good chat. Then there was this group photo that circulated the internet for a few days. He looked so much more put together than I did. I think he had this black cardigan on with a pattern on the front or something. I was there in a white t-shirt and a baseball cap.’

Liliana’s eyes widened. ‘I think I know the photo. Was it around this time of year? Joni had Christmas lights around her neck. I’ve seen a cropped photo of Harry and her. But you were there? Holy shit, Taron.’

She sits with the information for a little while, unable to process the fact that her best friend knows the man whose music got her through some of the hardest days of her writing process. Just as she thought about it, Sign of the Times started playing.

‘Do you think you could introduce us?’ She asked, letting her inner fangirl out. ‘That would make my entire life, honestly. Getting to meet Harry? Oh boy.’

Taron turned to look at her briefly, his eyes soft and full of adoration. ‘Absolutely not,’ he said, shaking his head before turning back to the road in front. ‘You’ll fall for him and I’ll lose you again.’

‘You won't lose me again,’ Liliana laughs solemnly.

Taron’s words sat heavy on her chest. I’ll lose you again. He’d lost her once before. She’d left him. What was once her strongest friendship with her favourite person on the entire planet had been thrown away so that she could run away to another country for a life where she didn’t have to be around her mum. The giddiness she experienced knowing that Taron knew Harry vanished and she was overcome with a solemn, uneasy feeling.

‘I’m really, really sorry,’ she whispered. She’d moved back to face forward and had let her hands drop to her lap. ‘For leaving. I’m sorry for leaving.’

‘Please don’t,’ he whispered back, sniffling once to rid himself of the tears pooling in his eyes. ‘It’s in the past. The only thing that matters now is that you’re here. I’m here. We’re here.’

Wordlessly, he reached over to grab her hand, resting them both together on the centre console. They weren’t holding hands but they were touching, and it was enough for them both to know that they were safe and with one another.

Taron didn’t need Liliana to apologise for leaving. He didn’t want her to. It may have taken him over a decade but he knew why she had to leave. He read her book. It told him things even he didn’t know growing up. It told him more than he could have ever imagined and his heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces as he read the intricate details of her childhood. The details she hadn’t shared with him before.

As much as he wanted to bring up what had been revealed to him in the pages, he didn’t want to make Liliana talk about it if she didn’t want to. He couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for her to put everything down into words, to come to terms with what happened in her life. It can’t have been easy to publish that and have so many people read it and know about it.

He was in awe of the strength it must have taken her to bare her soul in such a way to the entire world. Reading the book that she’d so delicately written made Taron see Liliana for the strong, independent, powerful, yet softly adorable woman she was.

He didn’t bring it up for a little while. He let himself enjoy the comfortable silence, no matter how overrated he thought it was, and let Liliana have a few moments to herself. His hand remained touching hers the entire time and he wanted so badly to run his pinky finger over her to reassure her but he didn’t want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since their dinner and he was over the moon to see her again and spend a few uninterrupted hours with her.

‘Lil,’ he said after a little while, unable to keep it in any longer. She turned to him with red rimmed eyes and when he turned to her momentarily, his heart cracked just a little. ‘It’s none of my business, and we absolutely don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but it’s been on my mind ever since I read your book.’

Liliana’s heart stopped. She knew that he would more than likely have read some of the book since she’d seen him last. But she hadn’t expected him to read the entire thing cover to cover with his busy schedule. She’d expressed feelings in the book that she hadn’t ever expressed with him and now he knew. He knew everything she’d been too afraid to tell him.

Taron was back to facing the road and he took a long, shaky breath. It was just as hard for him to bring up as it would be for Liliana to talk about. ‘I never realised the full extent of how bad you had it when we were younger. You always just threw your hair up and smiled like everything was fine when it really wasn’t. I wish I could have recognised it more at the time.’

‘Taron, it’s fine.’

‘It’s not fine, Lil,’ he sniffled. ‘It’s not fine. It was never fine.’

‘But it’s not your fault. We were kids. You were a kid. It wasn’t your responsibility to help me or see what things were like at home. I didn’t even realise the full extent of it until I was in Edinburgh and away from the situation. It took a lot of reflection, and a lot of crying in a therapist’s office, to realise what things were like. When we were kids, I didn’t know any different. It was just the way that I lived.’

A tear fell down Taron’s cheek and Liliana wiped it with the pad of her thumb, a sad smile on her face as she started to cry herself.

‘Look at us. I’m crying and none of it even happened to me.’ He took a long, deep, shaky breath and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his t-shirt. ‘I regret that we lost touch.’

Liliana squeezed his hand once to tell him that she agreed and he smiled a very small smile at her.

‘We just completely lost touch and didn’t speak for fourteen years. I hate that we didn’t talk.’ His words were quiet, barely above a whisper, almost as if he were talking to himself rather than Liliana. ‘Now that we’ve finally reconnected, I would love nothing more than to stay in touch. I want us to keep our promises this time. I think that’s why I offered to drive you back to Aber. It gives us some uninterrupted time to just be together and talk about anything. Or nothing. I just want to be around you, Lil. I want us to be friends again. Real friends like we were before.’

‘I would love nothing more than to be friends again,’ Liliana smiled.

‘Things will be different this time around,’ Taron said strongly. ‘I won’t let anything like that happen to you again.’

They fell into another silence and Liliana focused on the road ahead. She thought back to being a child and how different her life really had been from the other kids in her class. Taron’s hand on hers kept her grounded as she remembered.

While all of her friends were out playing on the street on their bikes or playing with a ball in the local field, Liliana was cleaning or cooking dinner for the family. Even when she was as young as nine. She would go to the shop daily when they had run out of bread or milk or sugar and they needed more. When her friends were being called inside to get in the bath, she was making her mum a cup of tea so that she wouldn’t get into trouble.

Liliana would do everything in her power to make her mum happy, just so she could feel safe in her own house. If Eliza wasn’t happy, she would brush Liliana off completely. It had started before her dad left but it only got worse when he did. Eliza resented Liliana and took her anger and frustration out on her. Liliana being the kid that she was, would always plaster a smile on her face and act as though nothing was wrong, using the free time she had to go outside with Taron or visit his family when she needed somewhere safe to be.

She wiped a tear away without Taron seeing and blinked hard to stop herself from falling apart right there in his car. Taron had remained quiet but he knew she was going into a place that would make her sad and he wanted to cheer her up so he racked his brain for things he could distract her with.

‘Tell me more about Matilda,’ he said, remembering how Liliana had lit up the first time she told him about her.

‘She’s a little firecracker,’ she laughed, pulling up a photo of her on her phone to show Taron quickly while there was no traffic around. ‘She turned ten in August but if you knew her, you wouldn’t believe she was any younger than 21. She’s so smart. Smarter than I ever was at her age, and she’s got these beautiful brown eyes that just scream innocence. It’s one of the only differences between us; our eye colour. And our height. She’ll be taller than me soon. Her dad is a giant though so it doesn’t surprise me. She’s everything I ever wanted. Tell me more about Rosie and Marie. We were cut off the other week.’

‘If Matilda is a firecracker then they are little rascals,’ he chuckled, his head shaking. ‘They are to me what Matilda is to you. They’re my half siblings but I would never call them anything but my sisters. I hate the whole half sibling thing. They are my sisters and it’s as simple as that.’

Liliana nodded furiously. ‘Yes! Matilda is my sister. I’d be so mean to be like ‘no she’s just my half sister’. She isn’t half a sibling. She’s a full sibling.’

‘Exactly. They are honestly so amazing and I can’t wait to see them. They’re similar ages to Matilda. Maybe one day we could take them all out somewhere and they could get to know another. Continue the legacy of friendship.’

‘That’d be cool. Matilda loves meeting and talking to new people. Another difference between the two of us. Thank you for cheering me up. I don’t know how you always manage to do it. Even when you don’t know I need cheering up.’

Taron grabbed her hand affectionately. ‘It’s because I know you, Lil.’

***

‘Do you want me to come inside with you for a little bit?’

‘I’m okay, thank you though,’ Liliana responded with a smile.

She turned to her left and looked at the house she grew up in. It still looked like the same house. The bricks were still red and the path from the steps was worn and full of weeds. Yet somehow it felt different than it had the previous year and she couldn’t quite figure out why. It was the only house on the street without Christmas lights outside but she didn’t think that was it.

‘If you need anything, just let me know,’ Taron replied with a smile. Liliana returned it and took a deep breath. ‘I’m here for you, Lil.’

‘I know you are, thank you, Taron. I’ll text you later?’

Taron nodded and watched as Liliana stepped through the gate and up towards the house. He didn’t know what was waiting for her at the other side of the door but he could only hope that it was something good.

Rather than use her key to get in the house, Liliana knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it. Much to her surprise, Hudson, her mum’s husband, opened it with a smile, pulling her into an awkward side hug.

‘It’s nice to see you. Your mum’s just nipped to do some last minute Christmas shopping. I don’t envy her.’

‘Neither do I,’ Liliana said through a forced smile. ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas. I’m sure your sister will be down any minute. She’s making some Christmas biscuits and is waiting for them to cool so she can decorate them. Every time someone’s knocked at the door today she’s come to see if it’s you. I think she’s more excited for you to be here than she is Santa. Not that she’ll believe in him for much longer. Especially with her starting high school next year.’

‘High schoolers suck,’ Liliana sighed. ‘You go get yourself in the house. It’s absolutely freezing out there and I don’t want to let it all in.’

Hudson walked through to the living room just as Liliana heard a door shut upstairs. She watched as her little sister, who wasn’t so little anymore, peered over the bannister and beamed as soon as she saw her.

‘LILI!’ she squealed as she ran down the stairs, launching herself into Liliana’s arms and knocking her to the floor in a heap of hugs. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too, little bug.’ Liliana’s voice broke and she tried her best not to cry. She held Matilda close, swaying her lightly. ‘Come on, your dad was telling me that you’ve been making biscuits and you know I love a good old Matilda biscuit.’

Matilda stood up and waited impatiently for Liliana to join her before she dragged her through to the kitchen. The dining table was covered in biscuits and bowls of icing of different colours. Bowls that were used to make the dough were scattered across the work tops and the sink was full of trays and cookie cutters.

The amount of flour that was on every surface made it look like it had been snowing inside and Liliana was sure there was biscuit dough on the walls in places.

‘Oh my this is a mess,’ she commented with a beaming grin. ‘How about I help you clean it all up before mum gets back?’

Matilda nodded begrudgingly. ‘The biscuits aren’t cooled enough anyway so I guess I can help clean up. Do you think you could help me decorate them? Please? It’s been ages since we last baked together.’

Liliana nodded, turning the small kitchen radio up a little so that they could listen to the Christmas songs while they cleaned. All I Want for Christmas is You played into the room and the two girls smiled widely at one another, instantly breaking out into their best dance moves and singing along.

Matilda started to stack the pots she’d used next to the sink so that they could be cleaned while Liliana carefully wiped the walls that were definitely splattered with biscuit dough and scraped the sides of flour so that she could clean them properly.

Once the room was clean and tidy, and the biscuits were finally cool enough to decorate, Matilda grabbed two aprons from behind the door and threw one to her big sister.

‘If you wear this then we won’t get icing all over your nice jumper,’ she said, tying her own apron behind her waist.

‘When did you get so grown up?’ Liliana mused, holding the sides of Matilda’s head so she could bring it to her lips to plant a sloppy kiss. ‘How do you want to decorate these?’

‘With as much icing as we can!’ Matilda dipped her finger into the green icing and licked it clean, smiling so brightly as she did that she lit some of the darkness in Liliana’s heart.

‘I should have known. I forget that you’re little miss obsessed with icing. They’re your biscuits so it’s up to you what we do with them.’

Matilda thought for a moment, tapping her foot against the chair the same way that Liliana did when she was her age. Liliana smiled at her little sister, so in awe of the person she was becoming. When she was Matilda’s age, her life looked so different. She was glad that it was different for her sister. That she wouldn’t have to go through the things she did.

‘I’m taking some to Granny and Grandad’s house tomorrow so they need to look super good. Can we do melting snowmen on the circle ones?’

Liliana nodded enthusiastically. ‘Of course we can! I might have some spare chocolates in my bag if you want to go get them? We could use it for buttons? Or eyes maybe.’

‘Oh yes please!’

Matilda jumped down and ran through to the hallway to retrieve Liliana’s handbag, walking back with it on her shoulder and strutting as if she were the grown adult. Liliana laughed at her and took the bag to see what she had left from the car journey.

She pulled out a bag of M&Ms and some Jelly Tots, the perfect things for snowmen buttons. ‘These are perfect.’

‘Jelly Tots, my favourite!’ Liliana poured some of the jelly sweets into Matilda’s hand and watched as she ate them happily. ‘Thank you. Other than the snowmen I want to take to Granny’s tomorrow, I don’t know what to do with the others so let’s just do whatever.’

‘Aye aye, captain,’ Liliana saluted. ‘Are you excited to see your Granny and Grandad tomorrow?’

Matilda nodded. ‘Yeah. Are you coming with us?’

‘I’m not, sorry sweetheart. I’m going to stay here and either go for a walk or go and see my friend if he isn’t busy.’

‘Are you going to be here for dinner tomorrow though?’

Liliana shrugged gently. ‘That depends on if mum wants me here, sweet girl. Hopefully I’ll be here.’

Her mum walked into the kitchen and scoffed at Liliana. ‘What’s it matter to me if you come for dinner or not? You come and go as you please anyway.’

‘Mum, please let’s not do this right now,’ Liliana begged, already feeling tears forming. ‘It’s Christmas.’

‘When was the last time you asked if you could come, huh? You just turn up. Like you did today. You turn up and then you leave at the drop of a hat and we don’t see you for months at a time. You aren’t around enough so why should I care if you’re here or not for dinner?’

Matilda cowered into her seat and reached over to put her hand on Liliana’s, looking up at her through thick eyelashes. Liliana gave her a small smile and motioned for her to leave the kitchen, for her own benefit. She didn’t need to hear the horrible things her mum was no doubt about to say.

Liliana watched as her mum flipped the kettle on and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. It was a mug Liliana had made her in school and painted meticulously. She wondered if her mum remembered how happy she had been to receive it. Probably not with how she slammed it onto the work top.

‘I always come at Christmas. You know that. I would love to come more often but I have to put myself and my happiness first.’

Eliza rolled her eyes at her oldest daughter and put her hand on her hip. ‘Do you know how selfish that is, Liliana? You don’t care about Matilda, or me, or put us first. It’s always about you and how you come first. You should have stayed closer to home and not run away to Edinburgh and London. Look at what you moving away has caused. You’re selfish.’

‘That’s not true and you know it isn’t,’ Liliana just about managed to get out. Tears had pooled in her eyes and she knew if she stayed then things would only get worse and she didn’t want that.

She wasn’t going to be the reason that Christmas was ruined for Matilda so she grabbed her bag, walked outside, closed the door behind her and started to walk.

The last thing she wanted to do was leave Matilda again. She wanted to go back and get her but she knew that it was too soon to be around Eliza again. It wasn’t the first time that she’d left Matilda after a row with her mum, and it wasn’t the first time her mum had called her selfish either.

September 15th, 2011

‘North Road, please.’

Liliana sat back in the taxi and exhaled a long breath. The greying clouds above the car reflected her mood. Dull and ready to burst at any given second. She rested her head against the window as the taxi drove through the streets of Aberystwyth and to the house she’d grown up in. Her small suitcase filled with only the essentials was on the seat next to her and she put her hand on it for no reason.

Despite the deep rooted feeling of anxiety she had whenever she was home, she was excited to head back and start her new job in London. She started working at a publishing company, Between the Lines, at the end of the week with Evelyn, who she had met at university. The flat she was moving into was small and a good half an hour commute to work but it was her own and she could do with it what she pleased. Moving to London was all she had wanted.

The taxi pulled up outside the house with the red front door and Liliana thanked him and handed over a five pound note, telling him to keep the forty-pence change. He nodded his gratitude before driving off when the back door was closed, leaving Liliana standing outside the house on her own for the first time since she was a teenager.

She couldn’t tell if the house was bigger or smaller than it was when she was younger. It seemed taller, as if booming over her and showing her just how vulnerable she was in its presence. But at the same time, it seemed narrower, less scary than it once looked.

As she walked up the short, tiled path to the front door she breathed deeply. A whole other life was at the other side of the door. A whole other family. A family she wasn’t a part of. Not really. Her mum and stepdad were happily married with a new baby and it was the first time that she was seeing her new sister since she’d been born a little over a month earlier.

Something that she couldn’t quite decipher washed over her as she pushed the door open on its hinges. Her feet were heavy, stuck to the wooden floor and unable to move, but she felt like she was floating. As though she wasn’t really there. Like she was dreaming and nothing was really happening.

Everything looked the same as she slipped her shoes off and stacked them on one of the steps above her mum’s. There were old family photos on the wall, some of her grandparents and some of Eliza with her siblings. Out of all the photos, there was only one of Liliana. It was a photo from when she was a baby dressed in white with the most unfortunate looking bonnet on her head. She was both happy and devastated that it was covered by coats.

‘Liliana, is that you?’ Her mum called from the living room. Liliana psyched herself up and forced a smile on her lips.

‘Yeah, mum. I’m just putting my shoes away and then I’ll come in.’

The living room door was slightly ajar and as Liliana pushed it open, she could see her baby sister asleep in the moses basket next to the sofa. Even just the sight of the tiny baby curled up all small and tiny had Liliana fighting back tears. Guilt had built up since the day she was born that she hadn’t seen her and even though she was still so small, Liliana hated that she wasn’t there when she was even tinier.

‘Can I hold her?’ She asked her mum quietly, scared to wake the tiny baby.

‘Yeah. I’m going to go get in the shower while you’re here. I’ll not be long.’

Liliana nodded through a teary smile and dropped her handbag on the sofa so that she could take a proper look at her sister. Her hands were curled into tiny fists next to her head and her lips were pouted slightly, something that Liliana did when she slept. With one hand underneath her neck to support her head and one under her bum, Liliana lifted the baby from the basket and held her close, staring at her.

At almost twenty-two, she didn’t expect to have a new sibling but as soon as her sister was in her arms, she could feel the emotions manifesting wholly. Tears dropped down her cheeks as she sat on the sofa and just stared at the baby. She enjoyed the dumpy weight of her sister in her arms.

Liliana held out one of her fingers to stroke the little one’s fingers and they gripped around it tightly, not letting her go.

‘I’m not quite sure how it’s possible but I love you more than I’ve loved anything before,’ she whispered quietly, pressing a dainty kiss to her sister’s forehead. ‘I won’t let anybody hurt you, Matilda, I promise. I’ll always be your protector.’

Matilda stirred slightly but Liliana rocked her back to sleep, so in awe of the tiny human in her arms.

‘Look at you,’ Eliza spoke up from the doorway when she’d had her shower. ‘It’s about time you came to meet her.’

‘Mum, you know I’ve been finishing university and trying to get my life together. I haven’t been able to be here all of the time like I wanted to be and I am sorry.’

When Eliza told her that the baby had been born, Liliana went to book a train ticket straight away to meet her, even if it was just for the day. She wanted to help her mum and meet her sister and be there for her family the way she had always wanted to, but Eliza had continuously put the visit off for one reason or another.

Liliana could understand some of the time, like when she was too tired for visitors. But then the excuses that she needed to get used to looking after a baby after not having one for over twenty years, and needing to take time for herself, became more common and Liliana stopped fighting. She stopped trying to tell her mum that she could nap while Liliana looked after Matilda or she could have a bath or shower. Liliana would be there for whatever she needed. Eliza never let her though.

Eliza scoffed loudly. ‘You’re just selfish, that’s what it is. Spending more time away from us, your home, and swanning about Scotland as if nobody else matters. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Liliana’

Liliana tried her best not to bite. Instead she casts her gaze to Matilda who was so sweet and innocent and who she would do anything in her power to change the way she was treated. When she looked back up to her mum she saw just how tired she looked. For a second she felt great sympathy for her. She wasn’t used to not sleeping at night and waking up at all hours to look after a baby. And that’s what it took for her mind to race with thoughts of her mum being unable to look after Matilda.

She didn’t want the same things she went through to happen to Matilda. She wanted her sister to have the best childhood with loving parents in a loving home that always felt like a safe space and somewhere she could run to when she was feeling down. Liliana didn’t want Matilda to feel like she had to run away to a different country for university just to get away from their mum.

Eliza’s new husband, Hudson, worked long hours and was only there on an evening and night time when Matilda was a little more settled. He wasn’t there during the day when Matilda would scream for hours at a time with no let up. He wasn’t there when Eliza was rocking her trying to get her to sleep and growing more and more agitated with her and wanting to leave her on her own to cry.

‘Mum, I know that university has taken me away and I hate that I haven’t been here for the start of Matilda’s life but I’m here now. I’m here to support you however you need it. Even if it’s just to go shower in peace and make yourself feel like you again.’

She knew there was a chance that Eliza would blow up but she didn’t think it would happen while she had Matilda in her arms.

‘Why, are you planning on moving back home? Are you finally going to do what you were destined to do and get a job on the seafront and get one of the crappy flats in town? Which is it? How are you going to be here, Liliana?’

‘I moved to London last week,’ Liliana said calmly, rocking Matilda again. ‘I have a job with the same publishing company that I worked with for placement a couple of years ago. It’s a huge opportunity for me and I’m going to be a shorter train ride away than I was in Edinburgh. So I can be here whenever you need me. I want to be here, for Matilda.’

Eliza shook her head. ‘You need to stop butting into our lives here. Leave.’

‘What?’

‘You haven’t been here for the past four years so what makes you think you’re going to be here now? You’re never here and I don’t think you ever will be. You just want to say that you’re here. But you won’t be. I want you to leave my house.’

‘But mu-’

‘Out, Liliana. I mean it.’

Liliana was transported back to being eleven and hearing her mum scream at her dad to get out of the house. Her heart sank and anxiety built from the bottom of her tummy to the top of her head. She stood up carefully and kissed Matilda’s head again before placing her gently in the moses basket.

‘I love you, little bug. I love you so much.’

She cried as she pulled her shoes on and got her suitcase from the small cupboard, and she cried as she left the house and locked the door again.

***

Despite Autumn’s fast approach, the air was warm and Liliana knew exactly where she needed to go to clear her head. On top of Constitution Hill the sun was warm and she’d taken her jacket off to enjoy the rays against her arms.

The tree behind her was beginning to transform, its leaves changing from a vibrant green to a reddish brown. Another sign of the changing season. The bark of the trunk was harsh against her back but nowhere near as harsh as her mother’s words had been to her less than an hour before.

A sob escaped her and tears spilled down her cheeks and pooled on her chest. Her breaths were sharp and uneven, as though hands wrapped around her throat and squeezed her of every ounce of breath, trapping her in a world of darkness.

Fear was second nature to Liliana. It had been since she was a little girl. But there was something about the fear she felt on top of the hill that was unlike anything she’d experienced before. She sobbed to herself for what felt like hours but as she finally began to calm down and her breathing regulated again, she pulled her phone from her bag and unlocked it.

Her thumb hovered over his contact. The one person she needed to speak to. The person who would understand what she was going through and who would be able to talk her down from doing anything crazy.

She put her phone away, unsure as to whether he would have the same number as he did four years ago, or if he would even answer if she tried to call him. So she stared at the sea instead, trying to figure out what she was going to do.

She booked a train ticket home for that afternoon. It wiped her out of money until she got paid two weeks later but she couldn’t stand being in town any longer. She needed to leave.

To go home.

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