#seeing them old in the last part and young at the start makes me emotional

[your-name-is-jim]

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5 times Uhura interrupted Kirk/Spock having a moment because she was doing her job (unlike them)

+ 1 where they were all tired of Starfleet calls

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 2: Jailbird

Ellie Williams x reader

I want to write a poem about you but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I almost feel ashamed that I want you to fit into a word because we both know that you are beyond anything that can be put on paper.

Premise: You and Ellie were childhood friends before you drifted apart. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find there way back to each other. While you both visit home for winter break, events unfold and it is no longer possible to avoid each other.

Warnings: Angst / homophobia / brief violence / reader has religious issues

Part one here!

Part three here!

Part four here!

I may have been wrong to say that I could never hate Ellie. Fuck she was vicious, in the most passive-aggressive way too. She's so sly about it that I can't even get mad without seeming irrational.

Winter break finally rolled around and I had yet to make any progress with Ellie it was whatever the opposite of progress is. If she wanted to hate me, that was fine, I could do the same, I could be petty. It's now December and all of this bullshit started in September, she could hardly be courteous.

Fuck her.

I had survived mid-terms and finals but the way Ellie was acting had me skipping happily towards the edge. She will wash a whole sink of dishes and leave just my fork, or Venmo request me if I ate one of her grapes. Everything had gotten worse when Dina, Abby, and Cat all left to visit their families for winter break leaving just Ellie and I, without the girls there to hold us to the house rules we were at each other's throats.

She was foaming at the fucking mouth to tear me apart. There was no level-headed Abby or fun-loving Dina, not even Cat who was just mellow. Just me and Ellie verbally abusing each other. "Fuck off, with your wild animal teeth," I spat, slamming the dish cupboard closed with a loud thud.

"Wild animal teeth?" She repeats "Wow, you're getting creative, I'll give you that," Ellie's gaze held a certain bitterness "Heard you were on your knees again last night and I don't mean praying."

My eye almost twitches at her words and it takes everything in me not to throw a ceramic bowl at her. I hated her, I hated her freckled face, and eyes as sharp as knives, just hearing her raspy voice, and seeing her sardonic smile made me want to keel over and let the earth wrap me in her flourishing greenery. I often wanted that to happen. I was trying to refrain from going home as I didn't want to spend the entire break with my family but I was starting to think nothing was better than this, I was set to leave the following day (Christmas Eve) anyway but I was seconds away from grabbing my bag and jumping into my car. "Can you just learn to be fucking civil?"

"Why would-

"Because we were sixteen years old when that stupid shit happened!" I spat "You're holding a grudge from when we were sixteen," I reiterated, searching her features for some sign that I'd gotten through to her.

"It's not like you've changed since any of that happened." She stands, unnervingly calm on the other side of the kitchen island. "You were always awful since we were young, always crying, always emotional, always explosive, my dad said you're like a birch tree, one spark and you burst into flames."

"Fuck off."

"You always had to have the attention," Her eyebrows furrow "Nothing was your fault, blame being fucking erratic and insane on your parents."

"You don't know my parents half as well as you think you do."

"What don't I know about them? They've been in my life as long as you have."

"Ellie, stop," I say, suddenly I'm taken away from the mood to fight, I just want to scream into my pillow.

"What?" She asks "You're going to say some shit like 'they aren't loving'  or 'you wouldn't get it' Please, enlighten me, what wouldn't I get?" She moves closer just an inch or so "Wow, your life sounds so hard, you have two parents who love each other and a huge fucking house, oh shit," Sarcasm drips from her tone "Maybe it's that trust fund that's taking a toll on you."

"Please, stop."

"You could commit every crime known to man and you would still be their pride and joy, there is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you-

"Here we go with your 'life is so fucking hard and I'm edgy and indie and I have a sad backstory that I'll bring up every second sentence even though I was seven when it happened' " I mock her.

She bites the inside of her cheek and I can tell that I've struck a nerve "You know when my lease-

"Don't even worry about it," I move out from the kitchen and begin towards my room, Ellie's eyes are trailing me "The minute my lease is up, I'm packing my shit and moving into student housing so I won't have to look at your fucking face while I'm eating!" I slam my bedroom door behind me.

I left that night, I couldn't bear the sound of her guitar strums, so repetitive it made me want to slam my head through the drywall.

You better believe that I cried my entire way home while blasting Julien Baker. My mother was pleasantly surprised to see me at her doorstep a day early, I knew Ellie would be coming down sometime tomorrow to spend the Holidays with her family, I didn't know when, I just knew that I didn't want to see her.

I never even told my parents that Ellie was my roommate and they hadn't heard it from Joel as they drifted when Ellie and I were fifteen.

My bedroom was exactly how I left, I cuddled into my twin bed that night sinking into the absolute silence of the the snowfall, with my dog Dusty curled at my side. I always loved the snow, the way it acted as soundproofing for the earth, when I was little I would just sit in the backyard so I could hear the birds sing in their purest and truest form.

Christmas Eve was dull to begin with, to say the least; my mom made Christmas tree-shaped waffles as she did every year, I was then dragged to an excruciatingly long church sermon. When we returned home I was sent to shovel the driveway, turns out visiting home from college doesn't excuse you from chores. I knew Ellie had arrived when I saw her grey sedan in Joel's driveway as well as Tommy's Range Rover. Bundled up in mittens and a hand-knitted scarf that Naomi gave to me I felt really tough giving the middle finger to Ellie wherever she was in Joel's house.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Elijah was cackling in the doorway. Dusty I happily bounding through the snow, paying to mind to my brother.

I immediately dropped my arm, trying to play nonchalantly "Uh, shoveling the driveway?"

His laughter only grew "You look so stupid," He huffed between cackles "You're standing in a foot of snow in the driveway giving Mr. Miller's house the middle finger in your cute little mitts."

"Say that louder, no one could hear you," I say, sarcastically.

"Hear ye, hear ye-

My eyes go wide and I drop the shovel to form a snowball and deck it at my brother "Shut up!"

"Ow!" He flinches, and his track and field hoodie from high school is now covered in powdered sleet. "Whatever," He yanks his hoodie off to shake the snow off of it "Just finish the driveway so we can watch a movie or something, I haven't seen you in months, Naomi and Aaron haven't shut up about you all holiday break."

I give him a mitted thumbs up before I try to speed run the shovelling, albeit slipping on black ice more than a few times. When I came back inside, I needed to change, my parka was dripping with snow that had melted into water.

I bundle up into sweatpants and an old soccer t-shirt. Being in my old room digs up memories pinned on my wall with bright thumbtacks year after year of photos of my soccer team, in every single one Ellie and I have our arms slung over each other. We're smiling wide and not focusing on the camera but on one another. I tear the picture away from the thumbtacks and throw them into a random shoe box that sits at the bottom of my closet. After that, I take down every artifact I have of Ellie, the drawings she made me, drafts of songs we wrote together, and t-shirts she left in my drawers, I throw it all into a Rubbermaid storage bin.

Though I leave the little wood carvings that Joel made for me alone.

My family's famous Christmas Eve dinner rolled around and I couldn't believe how excited I was, I'm not the best cook and despite me and my mother going through spats every other day, she was one hell of a good chef and I had spent months craving her honey roasted carrots and creamy mashed potatoes.

Please don't judge me when I say this, but we are the family that dresses up for dinners at home. Nothing black tie, just something a little dapper, one time I wore jeans to our family dinner and I was grounded for a week.

I finished zipping up my white sundress and I let my little sister tie a matching bow into my hair, when she saw what I was wearing she changed into her white dress which was ankle length while mine fell right above my knees.

"Oh, my sweet girls are matching again," My mom fawns over us "Let me get a picture of this cute little moment," I smile for the picture, and Naomi does the same, hooking an arm around my midriff. "Adorable," Mom looks at the picture before tucking her phone into her pocket "Now girls, please set the table."

Even though I hadn't been at home for months, setting the table was like muscle memory to me, Naomi put the placemats down, and then I did the dinner plate and salad plate, Naomi would place the napkins and cutlery then I would set glasses and pour everyone water from the pitcher. By the time we finished setting the table everyone aside from my mother and Elijah were at the table, early awaiting what was sure to be a filling dinner.

Slowly but surely my mom brought the dishes with Elijah, placing them all through the center of the dining table. After everything was placed my father, who sits at the head of the table cleared his throat, that was his signal for everyone to join hands. "Dear God, We gather today with grateful hearts to thank you for this food before us. We appreciate the effort and resources that have provided us with this nourishment. May this meal sustain our bodies and remind us of the many blessings in our lives. We are thankful for the love of family and friends who surround us and for the abundance we enjoy. Bless this food, our time together, and those who prepared it. May it strengthen us physically and spiritually. This is your body, this is your love. We thank you for feeding us with your gracious hands. In Jesus' name, we give thanks and pray. Amen."

"Amen," My family repeats before we all ravishingly fill our plates with chicken, maple-roasted mushrooms, buttered green beans, bread rolls, and mashed potatoes. I was eating so fast, I was shocked that I didn't spill anything on myself.

"So, have you met any cute boys at college?" My mother asks me, she is the only one eating politely "I'm sure you could get a real smart guy with those looks of yours."

My father nods "Just make sure he's Christian."

"Or catholic," My mother adds.

I laugh awkwardly in response, I take a sip of my water, the condensation making it slippery in my hands. Elijah gives me an odd look that goes unnoticed by my parents.

"I think we should drop off some bread or cookies or something to the Miller's, just something to say hi while Tommy and Maria are still there." My mom tells us, she isn't speaking to anyone in particular.

"Is Ellie there right now?" Aaron asks.

Elijah shrugs "Probably, her car is in the driveway."

Now Naomi is looking at me "We should invite her over for New Year's or something if she's staying for the rest of break."

My dad shakes his head "I don't know if that's a good idea," All eyes fall on him "It's just- I think she's a bit of a bad influence." He takes a swig of his wine and attempts to suppress a burp but fails. I press my lips into a thin line and look down at my plate to hold in my laughter, Elijah does the same beside me.

"I don't remember Ellie being a bad influence," Aaaron furrows his eyebrows, racking his brain to think of a time that she had done their family wrong.

"It's just that there were rumours of her having-" My father searches for the words "Unnatural tendencies I suppose, and I tried to talk to Joel about it but he got defensive and said that she didn't need fixing, that's how I lost my best fishing buddy."

My mom looks at the discomfort on all of her children's faces "I mean, we all need a bit of fixing."

Dad is quick to catch on "Oh, yeah, of course, I mean it's not just Ellie," He fumbles over his words "And it's not her fault that she's that way, I think It's because she lost her mother when she was young so she got confused about the parental roles, Joel never remarried and he didn't date around much so Ellie didn't have a proper mother figure, it's not her fault she's a dyke and there's still time to fix it if she wants to choose the right path."

Stillness falls over the table, I had never heard silence quite this loud. Even my mother is at a loss for words. All of my siblings are darting our eyes at one another, we don't utter a single word but we understand each other clearly 'Dad actually said it'.

He noticed this and tried to backtrack on his words "I'm not a bad guy, I mean we've all read the bible cover to cover, we know it's a sin. I'll wrap this up, you all know that we love you no matter what and all I'm saying is I'm glad we could distance ourselves away from it."

"Hey Dad, did you watch the Canucks game last week?" Elijah swoops in to change the topic. It's too late, a wave of sickness has already overtaken me.

While my family discusses nothing in particular, trying to ignore what Dad said, I am sick to my stomach, I push my plate away and prop my elbow the the table for my hand to support my head. I am nearly shaking. My dull eyes peer across the table and meet my father's drowsy gaze.

"Honey, are you feeling alright?" My mom pauses whatever conversation she is enwrapped in.

I don't respond, I don't know how.

My family's eyes find a resting place on my figure. Mom pushes herself away from her chair and walks over to me, she places one hand between my shoulder blades, the other takes my cold hand and she slowly rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "Sweetness, whatever is repressed inside, say it, let it out, we're all family."

Naomi nods in agreement, her wide eyes full of concern. "I don't know how to say it," I tell them.

"Air it out," My dad says, finishing off his glass of wine and pouring himself another "Today is the perfect day, tomorrow is the birth of Jesus, a fresh start."

My heart is racing faster than it ever has before, faster than when I broke my wrist in Ellie's backyard or when I had been on a rollercoaster for the first time. "I like girls," I say, my voice is quiet, and my three words take my family with silence. My mother freezes and takes a step back, her comforting hands leaving me.

"You're joking," My dad scoffs "Tell me this is a joke and you're normal."

"I can't," My voice cracks and I can already tell that the tears are oncoming. I think briefly back to Ellie's words 'There is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you' if only she could see what was about to happen.

"All of those sleepovers with Ellie?" He is disgusted, his face contorting with horror "Were you dating her?"

"no-

"How can I believe anything you say, you lied to us for nineteen years when you knew you were sick."

"Dad, I'm not sick-

"How many sinful acts have you done under this roof?"

"None, I swear," I shake my head, it took less than a minute for me to be filled with regret at my words. I shouldn't have even come home for the holidays, actually, I never should've found Dina's listing and jumped at the deal.

"Get out," Any light tone in my dad's voice is gone, replaced by pure resentment.

"What?"

"You heard me, get out."

"Dad, it's Christmas Eve-

"Get out!" His voice rumbles through the dining room like thunder "I thought we fixed this phase when we sent you to boarding school."

"Please, dad-

"Get up and get out or I'm going to make you,"

"Fine- make me," Tears prick in my eyes but I cross my arms trying to muster up that false coolness Ellie is so good at feigning.

My dad slams his glass down so hard that it shakes the table, and the partially empty wine bottle my parents had been nursing all night is knocked over by the abruption, tipping over the deep red liquor to travel down the tablecloth and drip onto what was once my pure white dress. "Get up!" He grabs a fistful of my hair and I scream from the shock of pain. He yanks me off my chair and my face slams against the hardwood when his arm slumps, impact heavy from the sudden drop, it doesn't take long for my nose to start bleeding. He drags me to the door pushing it open; my siblings don't do anything they're petrified in horror and my mother begins to cry, covering her eyes from the scene before her.

My dad doesn't stop at the door, I thrash on the ground and he pulls me over both of my hands trying to pry his away from the roots of my hair, he drags me into the snow, finally releasing me. I shake as my hand gently finds the way to my burning scalp where I fully believe he has pulled out clumps of my hair with his harsh and unforgiving grasp.

From the doorway the rest of my family watches, Naomi has a hand covering her mouth her doe eyes brimming with tears of her own. My father disappeared into the house, it didn't take long to see what he was doing he slammed the window to make the bedroom open and began to throw all of my belongings out of the window. My pictures, my old soccer uniform, armfuls of clothes from my old beaten dresser, candles, books, paints, and shredded posters were torn straight off my wall.

"Dad, stop, I'm sorry, I'll get better!" I am on my knees, hands clasped together pleading with him. My skin is burning from the contact with the snow, I know that it must be a horrific sight to behold. White sundress, stained with wine, tangled hair, red-tinged skin, puffy eyes and incoherent sobs.

The snow makes everything so quiet the only sound travelling through the night are my sobs. I can no longer see my father in my bedroom, he is coming back down and somehow that is worse, he pushes past my family and throws the presents I was supposed to receive on Christmas morning beside me, I flinch at the movement.

"I'm sorry!" I plead like I'm bargaining with the Grimm Reaper for my life "Give me a job and I'll do it, just tell me what to do to get better!" The screaming carries through the night, alerting the neighbours in what was supposed to be a calm and quiet neighbourhood. Across the street, Joel turns on his porch light, squinting his eyes at the scene on the opposing lawn and trying to make sense of it. "I want to get better!" I shake with every sob. I could hear my dogs barking from the loud noises.

My dad shakes his head "You're too far gone, I didn't raise a fucking dyke," He is almost crying himself, he doesn't mourn for the daughter that he has but the daughter that could've been. The daughter who donned white every Sunday for church and settled down with a nice family man, a daughter who was holy but in this moment I am the purest form of holiness, born again from the violence of my father.

"Dad, I was created in God's image, why would he create his child to be this way if it was so wrong?"

"You're a fucking mistake is what you are," He seethes "Get off my property or I'm calling the cops."

"You still have my bags!" I scream and I watch him retreat to get them "Are you going to do anything at all?" I search my family for any sign of life but they all avert their eyes from mine. My father comes back out, and he throws my purse and suitcase on the lawn, this time both of them hit me, talking about kicking someone when they're down.

My dad begins to usher the family inside "I never want to see you again, get your ass up and start working, I'm not paying for you to fuck around with women instead of getting an education."

"That's it?" I cry "You won't come to my wedding or meet my kids? What about my funeral?"

"Not as long as you're with a woman." With that, he slams the door behind him and locks it. I let out another guttural sob, I've already cried so much that it's beginning to hurt within my stomach. I take a deep and shaky breath in, wiping the tears away from my eyes with my freezing hands, I'm sure to catch hypothermia if I don't warm up. I look up to see my neighbours all around either watching from their window or in the Miller family's case, the front porch. I'm sure that someone has already called the police.

"Let me in, I'm sorry!" I scramble off the ground and begin to bang on the door. Shaking the handle "Let me in!" This goes on for longer than I would've liked, I hammer on the door and scream as loud as I can but they all ignore me. Eventually, I stand by the window and slam my hands on it "Let me in or give me my fucking dog, you can't take care of him!"

I knew I was fucked when I heard sirens. It only made sense for the neighbours to call the cops at this disturbance.

I'm going to do you all a favour and tell you some useful information; when the police arrive and you don't wanna seem guilty, don't try to drive away from the scene because you might just end up getting handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car for your childhood bestfriends family to watch from their front row seats.

"Prison life isn't for me," I wallow as I press myself against the bars of the holding cell. There are two other women in the cell with me and they both snigger. One of their names is Lucia, and she has bronze skin and brown hair so dark that it almost looks black with gold hoop earrings the size of my head, I don't know the other woman's name but she looks significantly older and has stringy blonde hair, the wrinkles of her face drooping.

"Honey, this isn't prison, you'll live another hour," Lucia sits on the uncomfortable bench, her arms crossed, she's kind of hot to be blunt.

"You reek of liquor though," Blondie cackles and I catch a glimpse of her rotting yellow teeth, what's the opposite of pearly whites? Golden nuggets? Something like that.

"Because I got wine spilled on me," I retort. I had been crying before they even placed me in the cell, wailing so loud that I was annoying the officers. I was so upset and starved for affection that I hugged the officer who detained me, babbling incoherently about how my life was ruined, I don’t even blame them for arresting me, I looked like a crackhead trying to break into a nice suburban home. “I'm not drunk."

"Could've fooled me," Lucia smirks, she's wearing a black tank top and skinny jeans. I wasn't a fan of skinny jeans but she was converting me.

I fell asleep hugging myself on one of the uncomfortable metal benches with chipped blue paint, when I woke up, it was Christmas, even though it didn't feel like it. I saw the snowfall outside of the windows on the other side of the cells. Lucia had told me just before she was released that they had the right to hold you longer over holidays, I wanted to weep all over again.

Blondie got removed from the cell too and I was all alone. The only thing that kept me sane was pretending I was Katniss or Lucy Gray, if they had survived the Hunger Games, I could survive this. I genuinely thought my life was over and I was getting sent to prison for hammering on my dad's door and screaming.

With each hour that ticked by, my profound sense of loneliness only grew. The sounds of distant laughter flitted through the hall and I am reminded of the world that lies beyond the metal bars. I wonder what my family is doing at this moment, every voice that I hear acts as a reminder of the love I had jeopardized. I lost Ellie, I lost Conner, and now I had lost my family.

I think about praying to god for a moment though I discard the thought. If he was real why did he let that happen to me? Maybe forgiveness and redemption were not necessary.

"Crybaby, call someone to pick you up," Officer Reid who initially arrested me and interrogated me began to unlock the cell, "Charges are dismissed." He had been calling me Crybaby since I was stuffed in the back of the police car and wailing uncontrollably.

"Like for real?"

He was in fact, for real. I was brought to a landline phone and my hands acted faster than my head, dialling the number of someone I would trust with my life, I just prayed that the number hadn't changed.

After making my call I was told to go to a weird booth thing to collect my effects, where an old and very judgmental woman dumped my few belongings out of an envelope. I wish I knew the technical names for this stuff but it's not like I've been arrested before this one off occasion. She looked at each of the items, stating what it was while she took inventory of it. "Smartphone, lipgloss, a single gold earring, and a cross necklace," She marks something down and then turns the paper around and holds out a blue pen for me to take "Sign here."

My phone had died already, I was missing an earring, and the cross had failed me, all I had left to rely on was my cover girl lipgloss. I sat in that stark grey room for what seemed like hours, everyone seemed miserable as I am, at least I wasn't the only person having a not-so-merry Christmas.

Holy shit, I was still disgusting. I was sticky and freezing, still in the wine-ruined white dress, there was still dried blood on my face despite my pestering Lucia to help me get it off. My hair is tangled, the bow that my sister had tied in lost somewhere in the snow. I haven't looked in a mirror but I know I look rough from the side glances that everyone is casting me. I can't imagine the dark bags beneath my red, puffy eyes to be any sort of appealing.

The sterile waiting room is beginning to get on my nerves, I flinch at every movement and hold onto hope that every person walking through the door is the person I'm waiting on. I try my best to avert my eyes from the clock so time doesn't drag on any longer than it already is.

By the time Joel gets here, the sun is beginning to set, his eyes frantically search the room until they land on me, I'm already standing up and walking toward him. "Kiddo, are you okay?"

My lip quivers and it feels like every awful thing I've ever felt is going to seep through my teeth. My head falls onto his chest but this time I don't cry, I think I've run out of tears "I have nothing ahead of me."

Joel doesn't ask questions, he just hugs me in return, resting his chin on the top of my head, there is the comfort I had been so desperately searching for.

He signs release papers and he guides me to his red Ford Explorer. When I called him I asked him to bring me shoes as I was barefoot when I was detained, being the number one dad that he was, he brought a reusable grocery store tote bag, containing a hoodie, sneakers, fuzzy socks, sweatpants and a bag of my favourite chips. I slip the sweats on underneath my dress while the hoodie goes overtop, I awkwardly unzip it and shimmy it off, stuffing it into the tote bag.

The drive back to his house begins and he turns on the radio, trying to make lighthearted chatter "Thanks for coming to get me," I say, my voice is quiet and I pull my knees to my chest like as I tend to do when I get nervous "You can just drop me off at my car and I'll be out of your way."

"Sorry, kiddo," He says, eyes focused on the road "You're staying with me tonight, I don't want you driving these roads in the dark and it'll be good for you to have a hot shower and a warm meal, get some sleep somewhere that's not a holding cell."

"It's just that-

"If you still want to leave in the morning that's up to you but you shouldn't end your Christmas alone," Each word seems so genuine "And you know I would gladly have you stay with me three hundred and sixty-five days a year."

I look at him, a soft melancholic smile on my face, "Thank you," I say.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

A sigh falls from my lips "What happened to all of my stuff that was left on the lawn?"

"Tommy and Ellie brought it all inside."

Ellie brought it back inside? Did she actually give a shit or was this something her dad ordered her to do? "Did my dad say anything to you?"

Joel shakes his head "Maria went barging on his door, those two were in a screaming match for a good two minutes before he locked the door on her. Hasn't been outside since, everyone in the neighbourhood has been coming by to ask what happened."

"Even Sharron?" I ask Joel, wrinkling my nose in distaste.

"Even Sharron," He solidifies. Sharron was the grouchy crone of the street, shutting down every party, cussing out teenagers from her porch, and yelling at barking dogs "She said she was worried about you." The windshield wipers painted rhythmic patterns across the glass, clearing a path through the soft snow that continued to fall.

"She's not worried about me, she's worried I'm on drugs and I'll break into her musty home to steal all of her hummels."

Joel huffs a laugh "I can't believe that I used to let her babysit you and Ellie."

"Me neither, you should be paying for my therapy." I tease.

He chuckles at my words, "So you're majoring in wildlife biology?"

"You remembered what I wanted to major in?"

"Of course I did."

"Hey, Mookie!" Tommy wraps his arms around me the moment I set foot in the door. He's called me Mookie since I was a little girl, it started when I couldn't pronounce monkey and thus Mookie was born. "Let me get a good look at you," He pushes me back just the slightest hands clasped on my shoulders "Look at that bruise you've got on your cheek, looking awful tough, like those greasers you used to read about."

"Look at that, Mookie grew up," Maria greets me with a warm smile, pushing Tommy away to hug me "Good to see you made it through prison alive," She jests.

Joel's house is exactly how it was when I left.

The air carried the familiar scent of firewood and lavender incense. In the living room, an inviting fireplace stood as the heart of the home. Its gentle crackle and the dancing flames provided a soothing backdrop to the overstuffed couches adorned with cozy blankets and throw pillows, worn from years of shared family movie nights. A well-loved rug covered the wooden floor, its pattern a mosaic of memories and spills easily forgiven and of course, a coffee table hand-crafted by Joel and intricately carved.

The shelves lining the walls were a treasure trove of family history. Photographs in mismatched frames captured smiling faces frozen in time, chronicling the evolution of Ellie through the years. A collection of well-read books, their spines creased and pages worn, stood proudly, offering a glimpse into the literary adventures that had unfolded within those walls.

The kitchen, the heart of many childhood homes, held the lingering aroma of Christmas dinner. The countertops, scarred from countless meals prepared and shared, were a testament to the love that had gone into creating family dinners. A worn wooden table in the center of the room bore witness to the countless conversations, celebrations, and moments of solace shared over shared meals.

"You know what, when I was around your age, I spent my fair share of time in the cooler, good to see you're taking after me," Tommy winks and gives me a hard pat on the back. Neither of them acknowledges the reason behind last night's events and somehow it feels worse than talking about it.

"We've just finished up making dinner, I'm sure you're hungry," Maria smiles softly, taking my hand into her calloused one.

"Yeah, I'm starving," I smile in return and trail behind the blonde woman to the dining table.

All of the plates are laid out with portions of food on each one, Ellie is sitting alone, spooning mashed potato into her mouth while she texts someone, she glances up at me and offers nothing more than a tight-lipped smile and awkward wave before going back to her phone. Tommy comes by with a tray of garlic butter rolls and uses tongs to add more onto my plate "Don't think I've forgotten how much you love these."

I grin up at him, I'm sitting in the same chair I sat in all those years ago when I Ellie and I would settle down after spending all day in the sun, Joel would ask us what we wanted for dinner and almost every time we would shout hotdogs.

"Good to have you back," Joel nods to me "House always felt a little empty without you."

I always felt a little empty without this house "Good to be back," I smear some mashed potato onto Tommy's famous garlic butter bread rolls.

I feel almost sick with nostalgia as I look around the dining room, Joel still had Ellie's crafts from elementary school hung up and if you look closely, you find little clues that I've left behind; proof that I once existed as a girl beneath this roof. There's a dent in the wall from the time I stood on my chair to catch a spider and accidentally fell over, my head hitting right into the wall, Ellie was laughing too hard to help me.

"So what school do you go to?" Maria asks me, washing down her pot roast with some ice water.

"Northridge actually," At my words, Ellie's head perks up, she's looking dead at me with a look of fear in her eyes.

"Oh, Ellie goes there!" Tommy smiles "She never mentioned that you do too."

Ellie is silently pleading with me, I know she doesn't want me to tell her family that she's been borderline tormenting me as my roommate and sending me to bed with tears in my eyes. I didn't plan on telling them anyway "That's funny, I guess we just keep missing each other."

Joel set up an air mattress in Ellie's room, that's when it became clear to me that he had no idea just how bad the fallout was between us. I hate to say that I missed her room and all of the memories we shared in it.

Ellie's bedroom resembled something of a teen guy who'd never gotten laid before. She had a navy comforter, her shelves were lined with comics and novels, I know for a fact that she'd read every single one of them. Her desk was always a mess, covered in pages of poetry and sketches that she had torn out from her journal. Almost every inch of her walls is covered in posters of bands, movies and her nerdy video games.

I was fresh out of the shower, finally in my clean clothes that I had dug out of my suitcase. I got to charge my phone too, there was an overwhelming number of messages.

D-Manz: HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCH!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO PARTY WHEN WE GET BACK

Jesse: Merry Christmas, hope your day isn’t shit! 😁😁😁

Riley: Merry Christmas! Hope you're having fun at your new school!

Abs: Merry Christmas and stay safe!

Kayla: Missing you girl ☹️ so excited for that staff party!

Kit-Cat: Merry Christmas, don't have too much fun without me

Yara: Merry Christmas ❤️ this probably isn't the time but I was hoping you could send over your notes from the last conservation lecture, just wanna text you before I forget!

566-460-4374: I got your number from Kyle, this is Roderick, I saw you last night and wanted to check up on you, hope everything is okay and merry Christmas.

Lindsey: Hey, haven't talked to you in a while but my parents said some stuff went down, just wanna make sure you're okay.

Ellie: Lmk if you need a ride back to our place

Ellie: Don't know if you can even see this but I got all of your stuff off the lawn, I promise it's safe 👍

Naomi: I'm so sorry

Naomi: I didn't think that would happen

Naomi: I didn't know what to do

Naomi: I love you

Aaron: U good?

Naomi: Please don't hate me, I'm sorry I didn't do anything

Elijah: Sorry but I wish you didn't tell Dad that

Naomi: I'll try to talk to Dad

Elijah: Hope you're safe

Elijah: Call me when you can

Still, there wasn't any word from either of my parents. I replied returning well wishes and assuring everyone that I was okay, I turned my phone onto Do Not Disturb and began to watch the Hunger Games on my phone. The room would've been pitch black if it wasn't for the blue light from my screen and the gentle beams of moonlight gliding through the window.

Ellie walks into the room after she finishes with her shower, she's in sweatpants and an old hoodie that she got from a rodeo, I had the same one, and we bought them together. I glance up at her before looking back at my movie and pulling the quilt further up my body. "You still like the Hunger Games?"

"Yeah," I say, being as brief as possible.

"You should take my bed and I'll sleep on the air mattress," Ellie says while she ties her hair into a low ponytail.

"I'm fine here, thanks."

"Seriously," Ellie is standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed, waiting for me to do something.

I shut my phone off and turned on my other side to face away from her "Just go to bed."

Ellie runs her hands down her face in frustration, she's starting to feel like an asshole "Please take the bed, it's the least I can do." I ignore her so she speaks again "I am begging you," She tells me bluntly "I feel like a dick and it would make me feel better if you just took the bed."

"You are a dick," I answer, she should've seen this response coming from a mile away.

"Please take the bed."

I sit up to look at her, frustration now boiling up inside of me "You're going to be nice now because you feel bad for me?"

"That's not why-

"It is actually," I tell her "This will last for a few days and then we'll go home and you'll be a cunt all over again, fucking keeping a list of everything I lay a finger on so you can say it's my fault if it breaks." She bites the inside of her cheek, that's her tell. Every time she does that I can tell that I've gotten under her skin. "You'll still act like you don't know me and I'm just some weird girl who thinks the world of you, I know what you say to those girls you have over, the walls aren't that thick." My insides ache from all of the screaming and crying of the past couple of days "And I know that I hurt you and I've told you a million times over that I'm sorry, you don't get to start having empathy for me now."

Ellie's silent again, she can't seem to find the words, so instead she slips under the covers of her bed, giving up. Minutes pass us, we've slept in this room together a thousand times but this time it's different, we don't share her queen bed and stay up all night watching the walking dead and talking shit about people at our school, we lay in the uncomfortable silence. We're grown but in this moment I still feel like a child searching for her mother's hand to guide her, I feel like my teeth still need to fall out so brighter, stronger ones can take their place, that the baby fat has yet to shed from my bones.

"I didn't know that you liked girls," Ellie said, breaking the silence "And I shouldn't have assumed that stuff about your parents." I don't respond to her, though she knows that I heard her. "I lied that night when you moved in."

"What?"

"I got all bitchy and said that you don't even cross my mind, I was lying," She's confessing to me as if I'm a priest "There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you."

I'm not doing well.

I want nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Ellie and just hug her until I fall asleep but the resentment I've garnered for her these past months refrains me.

"I don't know if you ever knew this, but back in high school I had a bit of a crush on you," She says and my break hitches in my throat "Hey, you there?"

'I don't know if you ever knew this but I turned myself inside out trying not to be in love with you.' I don't say that, instead, I say "Goodnight, Ellie, Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight," She mutters, and like me, she turns her body to face away from me.

I don't feel mature in the slightest, I'm kept awake, haunted by shame and embarrassment. Ellie had seen me only one night prior, on my knees begging for love. We may be cold and calculated to one another now but I remember when she was a little girl who overwatered her plants because she didn't know how to stop giving.

TAG LIST I just tagged whoever wanted a part two: @elliesaesp @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @elliesaturnsoftdrink @mikellie @melanie-watermelon @skylerwhitwyo

[remember-the-fanfics]

Hai, so um I really like the Gen-Z overlord Reader, bc well they are basically me, if you are able/want to can you make some possible angst headcanons? Like how they miss home or their friends

Just Before the pilot episode

I'm trying so hard to have a timeline, everything is connected! I just have it in no order.

This is shorter than usual.

• You would have so many things to be sad about

• Like how you could never live your life before you died

• Missing all your friends because they'll (hopefully) get to grow old

• Your family grieving over your life being taken to soon.

• Older sibling never got to see you truly become an adult without your parents

• Younger sibling missing you, who just got them in a way where they could annoy you but you would still protect them afterwards.

• Parents/Guardian losing their child way to soon.

• You usually avoid those thoughts, having to do be someone strong daily for the people you protect.

• You already had time to mourn the future you never got and everyone you miss when you weren't an Overlord.

• So pushing your grief all the way down inside to never see the light of day.

"Haha, nope."

• Until you seeing or smell something like home and it hits you, hard.

• Then you're back being a child, who just wants their parents to comfort them from a nightmare.

• You're with Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie. Doing an exercise that Charlie ropped you into.

• When something of the moment of true trust reminds you of home.

• The last place it was completely given so freely.

• Angel Dust nugges you saying it was your turn again.

• Before realizing you had tears that started stream down your face.

• He tried to cheer you up with a joke

"Didn't think the exercise was that bad."

• Didn't work for the most part.

• You were laughing, while crying. Creepied him out and got the others attention.

• You just wanted to go home, back to the people you care about.

• But you could never go back, you were dead.

• Why does it feel so unfair that you died before you actually got to live.

• Getting up while everyone was asking you if you were alright

"Ha ha, no."

• Heading to your room because you didn't want to drag everyone else's mood down with you.

• Only to be stop by Angel Dust, who knows how you feel about missing your family but not understanding that your grief about missing your life.

"I didn't get to live my life, Angel! I died less than two months after I turned 18, I still lived with my parents! My family and friends had to bury me, I have to wait while everyone I know get to live."

• Angel Dust did not know you were that young.

• This is the first time most of them saw you be more than just chaotic.

• Heading to your room to be alone finally

• After you got your emotions back inside because you are still needed by many people.

• Avoided Charlie for awhile because she wanted you to talk about your feelings

• Then Vaggie when Charlie got sad about it.

• You stayed away from the hotel for a week, wanting stayat your territory for the extermination any way.

• Texts Charlie and Vaggie, that you would be back afterwards.

• Charlie texting you about an interview she has the day after.

• Vaggie texts you to stay safe until then.

• Missing your family from life and realizing that you made your own type of family-friendship in hell.

• Not having time to process it when you see an explosion from a far and you know who would be there and rushing there to make sure they'll be okay.

-

And that leads you into the whole being there when Carmilla killed an exorcist.

[nburkhardt]

Part 1

Wayne Munson can read a person within a few minutes when being in the same room together

So when he comes home from work one evening, he immediately clocks an upset Steve. It’s not even surprising to see the boy in his living room nowadays. What is surprising is that his nephew is no where to be found. Neither of them speak as he takes his work boots off and jacket, then makes a quick cup of coffee and settles in the recliner.

“So, why’re you upset? My nephew forget a date?” He sips at his coffee and watches Steve tense up, he can tell the boy is holding himself back from looking towards him. It makes Wayne pause, clearly something is actually wrong. “This serious, boy?”

It doesn’t take a genius to see how much whatever it is, is really effecting Steve. It’s the way he holds himself back, even with being hunched over. How tense his shoulders are, that his hair is a mess and how he’s clutching his hands. Truthfully, Wayne can tell the boy is trying hard not to cry.

The day he officially met Steve Harrington within five minutes of talking, he grew a soft spot for the boy. It wasn’t with the way he talked about how much he liked Eddie or the way he held himself. It was because of the longing in his eyes when he thought no one was looking.

They were in a hospital waiting room, Eddie was still in surgery and Wayne had shown up to a room full of kids. The reporter girl had pulled him aside to explain what was happening and he was listening to her but glancing around the room when his eyes caught sight of a young man sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his eyes were trained on the sight of a kid with curly hair in the arms of a woman. To anyone else, it would just be a friend watching someone else.

But to Wayne? He knew what longing looks like. Has seen it many times in his life. Especially in Eddie. The biggest difference between Steve and Eddie? His nephew learnt to hide that look, figured out how vulnerable it can be.  With Steve it’s noticeable, and, it seems he wears his emotions like a jacket. It’s there and open for all to see. With all that, he immediately knew that he’ll be there to care for Steve in anyway he’d want.

He also knew, as soon as Eddie was able, that he’d be right there with him. Fast forward a few months, Wayne was correct when Eddie told him about his first date with Steve.

“I, uh. I asked him” Steve mumbles out without looking at him, “it- didn’t go as I planned”

Nodding, he places the cup down and leans forward. It’s a serious type of talk, it seems. “What happened?”

Steve shakes his head and he catches a quick sight of red teary eyes, “I told him about a gift and he panicked, thought he missed an anniversary or something. Then when I tried to ask him, it was someone’s birthday and the waiters were singing loudy. Then, then, I lost my plan and just said if he wanted to share his last name.”

He chuckles at that, but it dies down when Steve finally looks up at him. He looks just absolutely heartbroken and close to breaking completely. Schooling his face, he leans forward to grip Steve’s shoulder. It snaps his attention and Wayne’s thankful for it.

“Steve, why don’t you relax? Try again another-“

“He thought I was asking if you’d adopt me!”

Once it’s said, it’s silent. Steve’s tears have broken the invisible barrier and falling down now, it’s breaking Wayne’s old heart. Makes him want to smack Eddie upside the head for being an oblivious idiot.

“Look, how about ya go take it easy and I’ll wait up for Ed. Love that boy but he can be a bit oblivious.” Wayne shakes his head before nudging Steve’s shoulder again, “that ring of yours will get on his finger, son. Just let me talk to him”

Steve just nods, wipes at his eyes and makes his way towards Eddie’s room. Glancing at the clock, he knows Eddie won’t be back for another hour or two. Depending on if he starts on a rant, so in the meantime, he drinks his coffee and waits.

He hears the sounds of Eddie’s van nearly an hour later. He’s on his second cup, ate a quick sandwich and made sure to check if Steve followed his advice, which to his relief he did. With Steve asleep in Eddie’s room, he decided his best bet to talk with Eddie was driving. It eased his mind and with his boots back on he waits for his nephew to walk in.

“Honey, I’m hom- oh. It’s just you” Eddie looks disappointed and it makes a beeline to go to his room. Right before he’s able, he grabs hold of Eddie’s arm stopping him. “Wayne, come on. I know Stevie’s here and I’d like to join-“

He shakes his head and stands up, pull Eddie with him back towards the door, “Your boy is asleep, come with me for a drive. We gotta have a chat, alright?”

Eddie pouts but doesn’t move away, moves with him with a whine of, “but Waaaaayne! I wanna go cuddle my boyfriend!”

Rolling his eyes, he opens the door and waves a pouring Eddie out. “You’ll survive a short drive, Ed.”

Eddie dramatically groans but stomps out towards his truck and crossed his arms waiting. With another eye roll, he closes the door and joins Eddie before unlocking the doors. They both climb in silently and continue this as he drives away. It’s not until he’s on the road that Eddie finally says, “Why am I in trouble now?”

Chuckling, he shakes his head and instantly flashes back to when Eddie was fifteen and gotten in trouble in school for the first time while living with him. Wayne decided the easiest way to get anything out of the near panicking Eddie at the time was to talk while driving aimlessly around.

They’ve done this a few times since then. Eddie hasn’t caught on that it was a benefit to both of them. Emotional talks aren’t his thing. But he’ll be damned before he admits that out loud.

“Nah, ya ain’t in trouble, boy.” He finally tells him while stopping and glancing at Eddie, he’s bouncing his leg and tapping his fingers against the other leg. “Ed, serious, you ain’t in trouble. We’re just havin’ a late night drive and chat”

“About what? You only do this when I’m in trouble or, or when I came out to you” Eddie doesn’t stop his tapping but he does bring up the leg that was bouncing to lean against.

Wayne shakes his head, moving back to watch the road. Thinking over his next words, Eddie doesn’t bother with the radio and is still watching him. He knows and doesn’t call his nephew out for the staring.

“Look, I came home and your boy was upset,” He started off, glancing over quickly to see Eddie tense up. “We chatted, he’s been asking me things about ya. See if I’d know where your head is at.”

“Why- uh. Why would-“

“We both know your boy has a lot of insecurities, doubts and all that.” He came to another stop and looked over at his nephew, meeting his eyes before Eddie quickly looks away. “Don’t get lost in your insecurities right now, Ed”

Eddie shakes his head and pulls his other leg up to hug them, “why didn’t he come to me about whatever the problem is?”

He has to quickly smoother the smirk that wants to work it’s way on his face, doesn’t want to give away that Eddie’s worried over the wrong thing, “Wasn’t a major problem, mostly he wanted to know my opinion on a gift”

Eddie’s face is mostly hidden but his whole body tenses up. He look up at him with wide eyes, “You- you know what it is?”

He nods, looking away to drive again. “Ya, it’s gorgeous. Your boy sure knows how to pick things out. Asked if you’d like it, told him it just screamed you. It’ll go nicely with everything you own.”

Eddie doesn’t say a word and Wayne just silently drives back towards their home, it’s nearly too late.

“So- you knew he was gonna give me something?”

“More like, ask ya something. But we can go with that too, if you’d want”

Wayne pulls up to their home shortly after saying that, turning the truck off to turn and watch Eddie. Watches as Eddie thinks about it, slowly his cheeks turn pink and into full blown red as the realization hits him. If he didn’t love this boy so much, he’d be laughing his ass off.

“Oh fuck, I- I’m an idiot”

Shaking his head, he settled a hand on Eddie’s knee, “nah, you ain’t an idiot. Just a little slow, Ed. Now come on, go inside sleep and tomorrow you and your boy can talk. Yeah?”

Eddie only nods before getting out and making his way inside and Wayne just watches before following suit. As he walks past Eddie’s door he hears a soft conversation happening.

“I’m sorry, my beloved.”

“Why’re you sorry?”

“I’m an idiot, that’s why”

“Baby, Eds- no. Don’t say that, you really ar-“

“But I am! You, you were asking me to marry you and I stupidity thought you wanted Wayne to adopt you!”

Wayne shakes his head at that before making his way to his room, his job is done.

~~~~

The ring doesn’t make an appearance until nearly a week later.

Wayne can tell the boys are even closer now, that their communication skills have grown just a little bit better. His nephew is still a little slow sometimes but now they’re more clear in what they’re talking about and hardly interrupt each other during more serious conversations. Makes him proud to see it.

It’s during a family dinner when he spots the ring on his nephew’s finger. He smirks into his drink but doesn’t mention it, he also doesn’t mention anything when he spots Eddie’s ring on Steve’s ring finger.

He’s happy for his boys, and he can’t wait for the day they can actually get married. Because it will happen, they deserve it.

Annnnd that’s it!! I decided half way into writing the ending to end it within Wayne’s pov. It seemed fitting to me. I’d like to thank @i-less-than-three-you for the help with parts of this!! If it wasn’t for her, this fic actually wouldn’t be a thing lol.

[fatale-distraction]

BG3 NPC Social Media Headcanons Part…4???? Part 4

Here’s some more!!

Zevlor: starts out pretty normal. Support group stuff for former Hellriders. Typical awkward selfies from an older guy trying to keep up with The Youths and their social media. Then he makes the mistake of posting an old photo of himself and his old Hellrider squad, and a current gym selfie. All of a sudden he has five million followers and gets hundreds of thirsty-ass yes daddy fmu grandpa DMs he doesn’t know what to do with. He has to ask Tav to turn off private messaging and help him moderate comments for awhile. He’s pretty flustered but also kinda flattered. But damn these young people today are horny.

Dammon: literally a modern day blacksmith. Always posting progress pics and vids of his latest projects. Mostly replica weaponry, but he does some pretty cool art too. He also really enjoys welding art and has a professional set up in his garage. Lots of thirsty comments and DMs. About half of them are from Tav, Karlach, Lia and Cal.

Auntie Ethel: no one really knows, but it must be pretty bad because she’s constantly being banned and has to create new profiles. Another MLM mastermind, but her accounts never last long enough to figure out what she’s actually even selling.

Lorroakan: Oh my god the biggest fucking douchebag ever. Constantly suspended for harassment, and then he goes and makes videos about how the site admins are assholes and violating his right to free speech. Rolan and Aylin are constantly dunking on him, often in tandem, with some truly incredible roasts. They’re works of art, frankly. The only reason Lorroakan has so many followers is to see him constantly being wrecked.

Mizora: thirst-trap galore, but she NEVER gets suspended or banned. She’s always EXACTLY within the TOS. Constantly hitting up Wyll on new accounts because he’s blocked her on so many different ones.

Wulbren: he has zero followers because NO ONE LIKES HIM. Tav is the gender-neutral king of the Wulbren Sucks Donkey Ass club regardless of whether they’re dating Barcus.

Aradin: hasn’t had a social media account since Aylin made him piss his pants for doxxing her.

Omeluum and Blurg: have a cute educational video series doing experiments, teaching about Underdark stuff, and educating people about the so-called “evil” races like Illithids, Bugbears, Drow, Deep Gnomes, and Goblins. Such wholesome content. These guys are the best. They have the cutest bromance selfies.

Lakrissa: idk why but she gives me American Ninja Warrior vibes. Always posts videos of herself trying out new tricks at the ninja gym, archery range, sword fighting club etc. Super sassy motivational videos. Shows up for Karlach’s jackass and parkour videos.

Alfira: the PUREST music channel!!! Not only does she post awesome songs but she’s also super motivational to other artists and really open about her process and struggles. “Not every song is going to be a banger. It’s okay to just have fun and be silly with it sometimes. Some of my best songs have come about from just letting go and feeling my emotions.” She and Lakrissa have the cutest selfies.

Duke Ravengard: pretty typical politician social media, but he makes cute posts with Wyll and does a lot of outreach to troubled youth and current and former Fists.

Popper: TREATOOOOOOOOOOOS

~~~

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

[cardigan-ns]

Wandering Star

Pairing: Diego Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: Your parents helped run the commission with the handler, Reginald hargreeves somehow caught wind of this and invited you to help on missions with the umbrella academy as a child. You befriended the Hargreeves, becoming one with the group, you fell in love with Diego, even though it was never technically good for either of you. Later to find out you don’t have a marigold, your power is something much stronger.

Synopsis: HERE. PART2. <- here

A/N: PART 1 - this will be a series, lemme know what you think of it, I’ll have it on Ao3 soon.

On the first of October 1989, 43 women gave birth, having not been pregnant when the day first began. Reginald hargreeves adopted seven such children, Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Ben and Viktor. He trained them up to be an elite academy, to save the end of the world, and to bring his wife home from the moon, that last part they weren’t in on. They’d go on missions and save people, causing some destruction in the meantime.

That was until on their 13th year, Reginald called them down to the grand foyer, alerting them he had someone he’d like to show them. The seven kids stood confused as there was a strange suited man with a young girl at the door. The man was holding a briefcase and the girl holding a small bag, looking annoyed to even be there.

“Children, this is your new comrade. Y/N Bardot.” You looked up at the old man introducing you to a bunch of wannabes. You could fight miles better than them, you’ve time travelled and assassinated multiple people fucking up the previous timeline. Yet the hargreeves think they’re something special. Your eyes scanned each and every one of them, each of their emotions similar, that, you could feel. Except for one of them, he stood second in line, flipping a knife, trying to intimidate you, only making you roll your eyes and laugh at how dull his tactic was, yet you had to take one more look, he felt different than anyone else your powers picked up, he wouldn’t shake from your mind.

“Is she even capable?” He chirped, angrily, typical boy, you thought, you been exposed to too many rageful assassins in your time, Diego was on his way to being another stuck up prick. You looked at the boy, flicking your hand and suddenly he started crying, your power made him see his worst fear, needles, making you hold back a little amusement. Reginald looked at you excited, he was proud. You acknowledged his approval, while Diego stormed off to the kitchen.

You’d been brought here by your father, Peter. He was a head organiser at the commission, along with your mother, Eliza. They had you unexpectedly on the same day the hargreeves came along. Just like the umbrellas, you had powers, extended empathy. It was a lot more than intuition and premonition, you could warp, ripple and even freeze someone’s emotions, sometimes causing them to be in a loop of anything you’d like them to feel. It was amazing, you had the world in your hands. Their world. Your parents were horrified yet proud at your arrival, immediately declaring that you’d continue the Bardot name, and that you did, being the youngest assassin on the entire commission. Except for Lila of course, but she can’t use her power unless you’re there. That brightened your ego significantly, being raised to believe you’re better, which was going to make staying here for the summer a difficult ride.

“Where’s she staying?” Luther asked his father, he seemed stuck up, you coined. You’d declared he hated this predicament. Reginald gave Luther a look of bewilderment at this question, as if he was being very rude. “Why boy, she’s staying here for the summer. Keep this up and she’s taking your room.” Their number 1 immediately kept quiet, now annoyed and guilty that he made his father mad.

“I’ve heard you have 43 bedrooms, I’m sure there’s room for me to squeeze in.” You spoke sarcastically to Luther, which made Five let out a dry laugh at how high strung you were. You looked at the gelled haired boy, he had a smirk painted on his face, as if he respected you, you liked that. But you looked at your father who now gave you a stern look, you just nodded, it was his ‘be nice’ look, god you wished your mother had brought you, your father was way too nice to strangers, made you wonder how he came so far. You huffed and started swingling your back slowly, a little bored of just standing at the front entrance.

Allison then walked over to you, she touched your hand and it glowed a little, that’s never happened with you before, you froze up a little at the sudden lilac highlight to your fingertips. Your power was usually invisible. But as soon as she spoke the glow dimmed and your apprehension eased, “Come on, I’ll show you around, it’s good to have another girl around.” Reginald dismissed the children and he then took your father into his office for a meeting. You knew how they usually went, you were debriefed on it already, you’d visit here every summer and winter, and spend fall and spring at the commission, a season swapping between lives, for the foreseeable future. You didn’t like that arrangement at first, but you were a weapon who didn’t have a say, causing you to see this as something to hate.

The boys retreated to their rooms, Allison giving you a tour of the entire house, around 20 minutes went by, you got very irritated all of a sudden, then you looked to where the girl was taking you, down the bedroom halls, you’d be across from Diego, great. What a joy. You walked into your new room, setting your bag on the desk, a lady was there already making your bed, the room smelt like fresh paint and air freshener. You looked over at Allison wondering who this lady was. “That’s our mom, Grace, she’s a robot.”

She taught you of their parental situation and you soon clocked that they have never met their birth parents, that actually made you sad, for once since you got here, you didn’t know if that was just because you picked up on Allison or that you realised were going to suffer being in a shoebox room for 3 months at a time. “Purple” you looked at the wall, making Grace turn to look at you, a simple smile on her robotic frame. “I had a feeling you’d like it, dear.” She was wonderful, she was correct, it was your favourite colour. “Thank you.” You thought it was only right to be kind to her, after all she had no choice but to be a machine, following orders, just like you.

You and Allison left your room, your heart feeling heavy suddenly as you walked closer to Diego’s room. Why the hell was this happening, you could usually just project emotions onto people, now it’s affecting your actual body. Not in the way it usually worked, you’d feel empathy obviously but not just randomly out of nowhere, you knew it wasn’t Allison feeling this, and not Diego, you could differentiate. And you weren’t going through anything to enable this. “This is Diego, whom you’ve made your stance clear on…” Allison spoke, a little humour in her tone as she found you making Diego cry funny. Allison left the room, seeing to that you spend some time with each sibling, her tour over.

“What’re you bringing her in here for?!” Diego spoke loudly at an exiting Allison, he threw a knife at you, tad bit aggressive, it hit the wall, he didn’t actually want to physically impale your brains. You gave him an angered look, you just got here and now he’s being violent, you took everything within you to not use your practiced training on him, you’d win of course. But as your father said, “They’re your equals. Not your enemies.” You just walked to the wall and yanked the knife off of it, suddenly, your eyes glowed white, making you halt, seeing him imagining throwing it right at your head, you falling to the ground. Your eyes went back to normal and Diego gave you a concerned look.

“Why’d you go all thriller?” He stood from his bed yanking the knife from you, the contact with both your skin causing his fingertips to glow a purple colour, just like yours did earlier when Allison touched your hand, only now it actually lingering, not vanishing, it was now rushing up his veins, and his face grew more and more pissed of as it retreated up his arm. “What the fuck?” You were concerned until you then felt it too, you looked at your arm, the purple glow absorbing into your skin. You looked up at Diego a little defensive. “Look I didn’t do this. I don’t know what’s happening.” He just gripped the knife and pushed you out of his room, slamming the door. You just stood in the hallway, hearing Ben and Viktor talking in Bens room. You’d hoped to god your father hadn’t left yet, you were scared.

You ran through the academy and down into Reginald’s office, getting stopped by a chimpanzee, this wasn’t the weirdest thing you’d ever seen, your board of directors for the commission was a man with a fish for a head. “Uhm, I need to see my father.” You looked really petrified at what just happened between you and Diego, hell, even you and Allison. What was wrong with these kids? “Madam Bardot, I’m afraid your father has just left.” Your face contorted into heartache, which is what the chimp was feeling, why? “Wha- he didn’t even say goodbye. I’m gonna be here all summer.” Usually you didn’t care but today you felt especially homesick. “Please, come with me.” He ushered you to walk with him downstairs further into the kitchen which lay in the basement.

Klaus was in there, sleeping on the sofa across the arch, you coined that he’d crashed out from lack of sleep from treacherous outings in a mausoleum. Pogo poured you a cup of apple juice and sat by you. “You’re different than the rest, dear.” He just immediately broke the news, causing you to become angry. “The hells that supposed to mean?” He put his hands together. “Your power isn’t the same source as the hargreeves children. Yours is a Durango.” Your eyes questioned him, you didn’t truly know much about how you got a power but it was called a Durango? That was cool you figured. “The hargreeves have what’s called a Marigold. They aren’t meant to mix per se, but when they do, its effects may mean trouble.” Its effects may mean trouble. Wow great. So why on earth did Reginald scout you knowing its dangers. “So I’m a fucking time bomb as long as I’m their presence.” Your language was sour for someone of your age, and that made pogo wince. “Language, madam.” It made you shut up, and let him speak. “Only if you make contact with one another. Some marigolds are okay, some are more severe of an impact. 5 percent have a reaction.” Hence why you felt calm with Allison and hostile with Diego, yet through that hostility brought you unbearable magnetism. “You’re fine with contact with all but Diego. Master Hargreeves noticed that when you walked through the door. He alerted your father of its danger in their meeting. I’m only telling you now because nobody else had the decency to.” As pogo concluded your debrief, your mind wouldn’t shake Diego. You craved to be around him or atleast just see him ever since he kicked you out of his room, but it was easy to push back for now, but it wouldn’t be for long. You rose from the table and ran up to your room.

The sheets now on, the room still pulling your senses with the fresh paint, you lay there, unknowing of what to do.

How were you meant to go forever without accidentally bumping into them. What if the longer you stayed here you became friends, you wouldn’t be able to hold hands, hug. It’s vile. A life of torture that you’re not allowed to become close to them in extended amounts. Even though the rest of them could handle your durangos presence, It still meant that your relationship would be more extreme than an average one. It’s almost making you want to more.

You remembered when you sparred with Lila, at commission training, nothing severe happened, she mimicked your Durango power hence cancelling out her marigolds effect. So you thought to yourself, Diego’s the only problem. But he wasn’t a problem. Maybe befriend him, maybe then he won’t hate you so much.

Feeling bored, you stuck a cassette in the player you brought with you, and put your headphones on, listening to some music to calm yourself down but no matter what, that heaviness in your heart and soul were still there. Usually you loved music, you could feel what the singers were feeling when they portrayed the lyrics but now your own absence was taking over, your own emotions, you’ve never had to feel them, usually intellectualising them and shoving them away, but now that you didn’t have to worry about shooting someone in the head everyday, your mind was whirring. You angrily yanked the headphones off and screamed firing the cassette player on the ground, hearing a crack. You immediately snapped out of whatever frenzy you were in and scrambled to the ground to pick it up, as if what you just did wasn’t in your own doing. “Shit shit shit.” You picked up the cracked player and sat back down in defeat, resting it on the bedside table.

It was late anyways so you just laid down in your bed, and slept.

Morning came and you heard a faint alarm ring, Reginald had planted mini speakers in each room to ensure everyone woke up on time, you looked at your door and found a navy boarding school uniform hanging from your door, with a domino mask dangling from the door handle, Grace had left them there, so you were prepared. You’d groggily got changed and immediately you had a vision, Diego and Luther arguing in the living room, then your eyes adjusted back to your room, you were confused at this new ability, it startled you, you hesitated putting your tie on, knowing that after that you were one step closer to walking into the living room and being the new kid who nobody cared about.

As you slipped on and tied your brogue shoes, you flattened your skirt and looked at yourself in the mirror. “Pull yourself together. It’s pathetic how miserable you’re being.” You gave yourself a not-so pep talk and ran briskfully downstairs. Reginald sat at the table, eating his breakfast, starting at you. They’d moved a dining table in here. That was new. “Number 8 you’re unbelievably tardy to breakfast.” He sounded astounded at your rudeness to his meal. You nodded and took a seat beside Viktor at the head of the table, it was chilling how he had you all sit in numbered order. “Sorry, sir.” You corrected your lateness and he just shook his head.

You noticed all of the kids doing their own things which made them individuals. Your stomach churning from hunger and unknowing. Grace handed you a plate of pancakes, with a smiley face on them, it made you smile at how positive your food was. Diego just looked at Grace, wondering why he gave her smiley faces too. That wasn’t fair. As klaus rolled a joint, Ben read a book, Diego carved the table, Allison and Luther mimed a conversation to one another, you and Viktor sat and jumped when five slammed his own knife on the table, begging to time travel. You’d done it many times, your favourite decade was the 80s that past was extremely entertaining and you just wish the hargreeves could fully see it. Having only been born on the last year of it.

Reginald and number five argued back and forth which you figured was an average breakfast thing. But then five stormed out. And that was the last you’d ever see him.

His disappearance confused you greatly, time travel was not to be messed but you messed with it almost bi weekly. They held a local search lookout for him, and you wondered where he’d got himself stuck. He definitely wasn’t here, not in this year at least, any object of his you touched didn’t make you see where he currently was. It worried you.

It’s been 4 weeks since you arrived and 3 weeks and 6 days since five disappeared. You haven’t really spoken to many of the hargreeves except for Allison. You two realised how similar your powers were and just how much chaos you two could bring. She was, and you hated to admit this, your first true best friend. You both adored having another girl around and it made life a little easier admitting things to each-other that you couldn’t tell anyone else. Diego hasn’t spoken to you since your Durango mishap, not a single word, you’d slipped a letter under his door, an angry letter, pleading your innocence, and after you did it, yet again you felt like it wasn’t your own emotions, it must’ve been him causing you to reach those angered states, but you still weren’t so sure why this was causing that effect.

As you and Allison laid on her floor reading magazines; which she rumoured the both of you to get on the front cover of. You were painting each-others nails you got startled when the door burst open. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Diego yelled and you just looked confused but also your hand glowed a little at his closeness to you again, you haven’t really seen him, he’s got another cut on his face, on his eyebrow, it looked deep, like it would scar.

“What are you talking about?” Allison chimed in now standing up to confront Diego’s forward entrance. Diego just scoffed and pulled up his sleeve to show his arm glowing again, he had a cut on the area where it glowed, as if trying to cut it out. “Ask her!” Diego looked at you and you stood up slowly, looking at the damage that’s been done. “You should stitch that up Diego, let’s go get your mom.” You tried to get him out the door but he just looked at you, “Why’re you even here, nobody wants you and your freakshow.” He spat out and stormed out slamming the door, Allison just pulled you into a hug, seeing how his words hit you, but you pushed her off after a brief comfort, storming out and finding Diego. You pushed him, this caused a rise out of both of you, both extremely volatile in emotions. “I told you, this isn’t just my fault! It’s also yours!” The way you spoke to him, he didn’t like that. He pulled his sleeve down, grabbed your hand, yanking you back to Allison. “Rumour her!” He spoke demandingly. Allison immediately shook her head and got protective over her friend. “Are you crazy?” She shouted at her brother, disgusted that he would suggest she use her power on her. “Do it. Rumour her to go home!” Diego pushed you towards Allison, and she caught you. You just flicked your hand and made Diego locked in a trance of yesterday, making it repeat highlights of his day in his mind, his eyes glowed white and you left allisons room.

These outbursts continued over the years, eventually getting worse and worse until Reginald had to bedrid you guys and forbid you from participating in missions and dinners together, making you take turns with the family, having you train in separate rooms, and eat dinner in bed. Some days were better than others but Reginald couldn’t predict how they would go so he did this as precaution.

You were now 16, it was the 1st of December and you were back from the commission and at the academy, it was a free day and Reginald figured that the power sources in your bodies could calm down for one day. Due to you being away for 3 months prior. He let you see Diego for longer than 15 minutes at a time, that was nice. You sat in the kitchen with the 7 hargreeves, you all sat around playing monopoly, as Ben asked you a question. “How was your fall?” You looked at number six with a ‘god why did you ask this’ smile and you told him, “Gained about 7 more bodies on my kill count.” They all laughed thinking you were fooling them, all laughed except Diego, he’d been having visions of you assassinating people left right and centre with the commission, not bringing it up, in case you admitted to seeing what he’s been up to when he’s alone. Which you’ve seen but won’t admit for the same reason. The hargreeves thought you’d just be home with parents when you weren’t with them, little did they know.

As the night died down, some of the hargreeves retreated to hang out separately, Viktor, Klaus and Ben went to the garden to chill and watch the stars. Allison and Luther both just went to sleep. Diego stayed though, wherever your eyes looked his did too, you said you wanted to stay in the kitchen, he did too. His connection felt different somehow yet still the same. “Thought you were boxing tomorrow? You said you needed an early night.” You relayed what Diego had told the group when you first walked in here earlier that day. “It’s not happening right now, is it?” He was sat beside you just staring at the abandoned bored game. You peered your eyes over to him, he seemed off, as did you when you thought about it, maybe the marigold and Durango had wore off from the both of you. Thankfully. You hated being angry, even though you’ve virtually always felt that way, you wanted the academy to be a calming focus on your life, knowing that after 3 months you’d need to go back to getting blood on your hands again, at least the blood here was minimal and it was mostly rescue missions and retrieving artefacts.

“What’s up your ass?” You spoke in a more bantering way than angry, which made him confused. Obviously it’s been three years since your first big argument but he still always assumed and theorised that it was all your doing, in making him so hostile, even though it wasn’t. Diego chuckled at your question anyways, “Nothing, I’m just sick of not being able to talk to you all the time.” You gave him a pondering look, as if you’d thought he was joking, he despises you why would he miss seeing you. The more you thought on it, you couldn’t really say much, you missed Diego when you’d go back home, non stop talking about him to your parents. You’d miss Diego when Reginald locked you away from one another and you also missed him when he was right in front of you. “Me too. It’s seems like when we’re told to stay away it makes us want to actually talk.” You looked around the room, as you spoke, not exactly wanting to make eye contact in case that send another anger spell through each of your veins. You noticed him nod along and proceed to pull out his favourite knife and start flipping it, it was his comfort thing to do, helping him get through conversations of great thought. You’d noticed that everytime you’d watch the group train outside while you were conditioned to train in the gym upstairs. He did the same with you when it was his turn to do isolated training. He’d look out the window and notice that how every-time you use your power on someone your veins become a little more prominent. Not that he cared or anything…

“Why’d you decide to stay up?” He asked you as he kept flipping the knife as he stood and walked to get one of the cookies that Grace made earlier. He bit into it as you began to speak. “I like the silence.” He narrowed his eyes, his face going a little sour as he didn’t agree. “Don’t you think you get enough of that?.” Yeah, Diego also loved and craved being alone but somehow he missed the human interaction with literally anyone when he got it again. Now that he’s been trained to be alone he wants to refuse it. You just shrugged, your power never really leaving you with much muted mind time, your thoughts always raging, peoples thoughts always raging and their emotions impacting your own down time. “No, I don’t.” You were honest, standing up to get a cookie too, he made you want one by savouring his bites on it, as if it were going to turn into cardboard if he didn’t appreciate it.

You snatched one off the plate, now you took a bite. “So why are you letting me invade your quiet time?” He stood close to you. And as if a dying lightbulb were there, your wrists flickered, the Durango taking shape again, but not fully, you haven’t touched. “Because you won’t leave me alone.” You spoke with fake annoyance, finished your cookie now. His eyes gazed on yours, lingering glances all night left him no other choice, and he thought ‘fuck it’ and pulled you in for a kiss. It was a little awkward seeing as it was both your first kiss, but also felt like you were destined to do it. His hand cupped your cheek and yours wrapped around his waist. It didn’t last too long but the spark was there, he pulled away hastily and sat down, running his hands through his hair. “I shouldn’t have done that, fuck.” You stood there, not angry and not happy, just a middle emotion you’ve never seemed to feel, definitely not like this. “Then why’d you do it?” You asked a little pissed now, there we go, you’re back on track. The Durango reminding you it’ll never leave. He looked at you, tilting his head, taking in your every movement of the face. “I needed to.” He spoke now completely dazed, knowing that he wanted and craved doing that since you left to see your parents again in the fall. “Ah, but you said you shouldn’t have done it. Sounds pretty mixed, can you make up your goddamn mind?” Your words made him bothered, but you didn’t know what to think, you’ve never gotten along, you’ve been moral frenemies and now he kissed you and is giving you two reason as to why he should and shouldn’t have done it. He stood up, slinging his knife back in its holder and pointed his finger to you, “I’ll make up my mind when you learn to fucking see me.” He seemed hurt by that, as if he’s been trying to signal he’s liked you for a while, but he hasn’t. “I’m not a mind reader, Diego.” He scoffed at your excuse, grabbing your wrist. “You are, actually.” Signalling that he knows you had visions of him while you were gone, just like he had of you, he wasn’t stupid so why on earth were you making this so difficult on him.

“You were right. You shouldn’t have done it.” You pushed him away from you and made your way to your room, you knew in the morning you’d beg Reginald to keep you away from him again. Not ready to admit your drowning feelings.

Note: okay this was part one, an introduction before the season one part, part 2 will be them when they’ve left the academy at 17.

Tags: @shadowbriar @total-lunareclipse4 @vesper4seance

[jokeroutsubs]

🎈🍰Nace Birthday Special🍰🎈

Nace Jordan's interview for Suzy magazine, published 14.06.2024. English translation by drumbeat and @beeoftheanxieties, proof read by TWT klamstrakur.

📝ENG Translation: Joker Out's Nace Jordan: 60 Kilograms to Happiness

Twenty-nine-year-old Nace Jordan is considered one of the most emotional, thoughtful, and responsible Slovenian musicians.

CAPTION: He’s spreading tolerance and respect to everyone.

He was the last one to join the group of four highly admired young men, but that doesn't mean he's the fifth or the spare wheel. His inspiring story makes him a great role model for teenagers, showing that working on yourself is worthwhile, because you never know when an extraordinary opportunity will come your way. After making a major change in his lifestyle, he got rid of past burdens to focus on a bright, melodic future. With the loving support of his girlfriend, the first signs of a family are already visible. They've been joined by Pino, an adorable dachshund, who brought new responsibilities and lots of joy.

CAPTION: Joker Out gained a first-class member with Nace.

INTERVIEWER: How quickly did you feel accepted as fully fledged member, considering you were not a co-founder of Joker Out?

Nace: Initially it might have appeared as if I instantly took on the role of bass guitarist with confidence, although deep down I was quite confused. The guys already had their banter, even a kind of a jargon I didn't feel familiar with. They are after all five years younger than me, almost a different generation. But they have welcomed me in a very embracing way, we have started to develop a communal story and we have become a unit. Even after we had recorded 'Carpe Diem' and I was offered a permanent place in the band, I was still haunted by the feeling that I might not be perceived easily as a part of the band by the most devoted fans.

Was Eurovision your ultimate test?

Sort of. I was told I aced it, and as a fill-in member, it made me happy when the decision to welcome me into the family was final. The whole idea was to first try and see how compatible we were, without any pressure or expectations. On stage, it was obvious that we were a perfect match. But I tended to hold back when it came to the bigger decisions. Bojan is, after all, the frontman, the dominant one, so I didn't want to interfere with the pre-established dynamics. It was only after the Eurovision euphoria was over that a new era began and with it the most precious gift - the appreciation of the entire group. They are exceptional young individuals, extremely talented, and they wanted someone who could feel their vibe and bring them together, not tear them apart.

This opportunity has come as a reward for your challenging personal journey, a tremendous transformation of body and spirit. How has this affected your self-image?

I am still trying to work on myself. I have lost 60 kilos and broken free from the shackles of a troubled adolescence, when the slightest deviation from the average is frowned upon. It is unimaginable that you can lose so many kilograms, one whole person. It was gradual. After the first ten, you are overcome with excitement. Your reflection in the mirror gets nicer by the week, you gain confidence in yourself and see that it is not difficult to follow your goal. I gained an unstoppable will to keep going, and the most extraordinary things started to happen. I got to play in the backing band of the popular show ' V petek zvečer' ('Friday Night'), and then realised a childhood dream when I managed to join a band as skillful as the Jokers. A time came when I walked around with a huge smile on my face and I hoped that it would not fade from my face for a long time to come. At the same time, I was driven to give it my best shot, because I simply couldn't let this opportunity slip away.

You have used the dark times of COVID for something bright, inspirational. When did you decide you were tired of living in a bigger body?

The stomach pains were the first indicator that I had to roll up my sleeves and work on myself. I had always been chubbier, but I got saved by my height because the kilograms were evenly spread. I was able to exercise, go hiking, [and] be active in water sports, particularly wakeboarding. I wasn't immune to the looks of naysayers, that someone with so much weight could move so capably. I had reached a point where I no longer felt comfortable. I didn't like myself, the walks were getting more and more exhausting, I didn't have a girlfriend for a while, which was a big motivation to change my lifestyle. At the beginning, I was embarrassed to work out in front of others. Would they be thinking, 'What is this fatso doing here now'? So at home I would climb up and down the stairs from the basement to the attic. For half a year, every evening. First for 15 minutes, then I progressed to 45. It seemed like a waste to ruin this effort with unhealthy food, so I changed my diet. I eliminated all the guilty pleasures and after the first 20 lost, I decided I was ready to train outdoors. By running. It might not have been the smartest idea because of my knees, but it all worked out well in the end. Something that I resented for a long time became my norm. To this day, I still enjoy putting on my running shoes to clear my mind. Whenever my mind is in a frenzy, running saves me.

Humans are really odd, shallow creatures. We can't see what's underneath the excess weight. It was only after you have transformed that the requests for more collaborations started coming in. How did you manage to heal these emotional scars from the entertainment business, where the physical appearance still takes precedence over the heart?

That's the hardest part, not to lose faith in yourself. You question your self worth because of the labels the public has stuck on you. Of course, the medical aspect of excess weight is the first signal for a radical change. The results would be significantly better, if people around us were more sparse with negative comments and dismissive attitudes towards anything that is not to their liking. I must confess that I have never felt better than I did after saying goodbye to cigarettes, alcohol, and, for a period, even meat. Imagine you are carrying a 60 kilogram backpack. And then you put it down. A different world opens up.

In all this, music has been your most faithful companion and supporter. Would it have been possible to go through all this without it?

The power of art is amazing. The bass guitar is my lifelong love. Even if I was a butcher or a carpenter, I would play and create for myself. We are used to these kind of stories in the movies, where after a difficult ordeal you find yourself in the midst of your teenage dreams. After the third concert with the Jokers, a girl came up to me and confided that she was contemplating suicide, but our songs had saved her. She thanked us for taking the time for our fans and talking to them. Their honesty is a sign that you are part of something great. The power of music goes beyond the limits of our imagination. There are countless similar confessions. This realisation is also therapeutic for us. You receive confirmation that you are doing something right.

Have you ever wondered why you play music at all?

Many times. The doubts of who will listen to my work, or now our work, are a constant in the career of a professional musician. But if you put your heart first, you quickly get the confirmation that we are not just pretty boys on stage, but individuals with depth and a message.

As a teenager, what motivated you to follow your aspirations?

I wanted to be like my cousin. He is five years older than me and he had his own band. He introduced me to foreign bands, like Led Zeppelin. It sounded rather innocent, but it was the start of a profound passion. Recently, Jan, the guitarist, and I were talking about the role models who have defined us. I told him that there must be an aspiring young teenager in Slovenia who looks up to him and has begun strumming the strings because of him. I am convinced that we have brought a breath of fresh air to the local scene and given a boost to young bands who are not yet established. It is very healthy to encourage others, to be each other's support and competition. I didn't feel that before.

When did you first feel that the stage was your everything?

We had a kind of talent show at the school camp. I wanted to sing the ballad 'Behind Blue Eyes' by The Who, but the teacher wouldn't let me because it wasn't an appropriate song. I cried with sadness, so she mellowed down. I took advantage of her faith, put on my sunglasses and a headscarf. That's when something stirred inside of me. Finally, now that we are touring Europe and are excited to discover how the power of music brings people together, I am calmed. Even as a kid I stood my ground and I am grateful to my stubbornness for getting me this far.

You have a strong bond with your mother. How does she keep track of your exceptional progress?

She is proud to say that she is my biggest 'fan'. She was happiest at Eurovision, which she has always followed. It was the first time she was able to experience it live, she and Bojan's mum cheered loudly and I have to admit that it's the greatest thing to be able to make the most important woman in your life happy. It has only strengthened our bond. We have a trusting, friend-like relationship, but first and foremost she is my mum, with all the worries and all the loving helpfulness. I was not a typical child and she had to endure all my whims. She was constantly encouraging me to take up a sport, but I preferred to stay at home and draw. She tolerated my struggles at school because she knew I wasn't like the others and allowed me to develop to my full potential. My younger sister is also responsible for making me who I am. Her kind words are a balm for a wounded soul.

Have you always wanted to be a musician?

As a child, I had two things in mind - to be a zoo manager, because I love animals, and to be a singer, even though I later swapped the microphone for a guitar. Sculpting fascinated me. In short, expression through art.

Your love for animals has lasted. You have a three-month-old dachshund named Pino in your lap.

Finally! I've been longing for a puppy for so many years, and dachshunds are one of my favourite breeds. If music hadn't drawn me in, I would certainly be a vet. One summer break I was helping out at a wildlife sanctuary instead of playing with my friends. It was a wonderful experience.

You are away from home a lot. How do you maintain your long-distance relationship with your girlfriend?

Some people reassure us that technology helps because we can see each other through the camera. But it is not the same. It's important that all my loved ones and dear ones, meaning my girlfriend, my mum, my family, and my friends, believe in our work and are willing to sacrifice time with me so that I can follow my dreams. But we are in constant contact with each other and we let each other know how much we love each other all the time.

~ -~ - ~ - PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, AND IF YOU QUOTE, PLEASE LINK BACK TO THE ORIGINAL POST!

[avalonia320]

IWTV Thoughts

I finally got to watch the finale last night and when I tell you I am SHOOK to my damn core. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm older than a lot of people here. I first read the Vampire Chronicles when I was 11; I found them in a box that belonged to my mother. When I tell you I devoured those books, re-read them over and over and over, fell in love with Lestat and New Orleans & Paris, cried over Claudia and Louis...I was totally besotted by the world Anne Rice created.

When the movie was announced when I was a teen (yes I'm that old), first I was so excited and then I was furious, as many of us Anne Rice devotees were, when Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat. I could not imagine an actor further away from how I had imagined Lestat. But still, I had to see it, and while it was still miles away from what I had wanted, I came away impressed with Tom Cruise. He still wasn't my Lestat, but he threw himself into the role in a way that made me believe he'd been waiting his whole life to let his inner Queen off the chain.

The movie itself...I had loved parts of it, but there was still so much more that I wanted. When the sequel came out (Queen of the Damned) I liked parts of that too and I actually enjoyed Stuart Townsend as Lestat. I hated most of it though, especially what they did with Marius (to this day I don't know what the hell that was about) but it was obvious at that point that I was never going to see the vampire world I was so enthralled with on the screen.

Then this series comes out. And while my expectations were low, I was still pretty excited. And then I watched it.

Holy fucking shitballs, you guys. I am normally so protective of my favorite books, resenting any little change unless it makes sense but everything they've done with this series, everything they've changed makes so much fucking sense. I don't want to try and break it down, I don't have the words. Lestat was always my big love in the books, but in this series, I've fallen in love with Louis and Claudia in a way I never imagined. I always loved their characters, don't get me wrong, but I never connected with them this way until now. And don't even get me started on Daniel, who I will admit I actively disliked in the books for the unforgivable crime of being boring. Um....that's a word I will never ever use in connect to Daniel Molloy ever ever ever again. And Armand and Madeleine and...I can't.

And Lestat. I loved him in the first season but in the second season, when he showed up with that long hair, I saw him for the first time like someone took the Lestat that has lived in my head since I was 11 years old and put him on the screen. He is EXACTLY how I imagined him. The way he looks, the way he talks, his emotion, his breakdowns, his unbelievable flair for the dramatic...this is HIM. I feel like I've been been unconsciously waiting decades for him to show up and for people to see him the way I saw him back then. I can't be the only old school fan that feels this way. It's just so surreal to see it so exact, it takes me right back to my childhood and the way I fell into stories then. The way you feel things when you're so young is something so hard to recapture but I feel like I'm right back there again on my bed, reading the books over and over again.

I'm just so grateful. To everyone involved with this series, the writers, the cast...I know i'm getting overly emotional but everything's been so shit lately and we've all needed an escape, a good one for once. I needed this so badly.

And I have to believe, wherever she is now, Anne Rice is so fucking proud.

[sparklingcid3r]

can u hc darrel dropping pony off at college? like the driver there? and then darry having to drive back alone and all the emotions/thoughts tht come w it?

Jfc yall are brutal…. gimme more🙏 It’s so “Slipping Through My Fingers” coded somebody needs to hit me with their car

- Soda and Darry helping Pony pack was definitely an affair. Soda’s trying to give Pony hand-me-downs and Darry’s saying he’s not gonna need all those clothes, and besides, Soda needs those anyway

- Pony defers to Darry for the most part, seeing as he spent at least some time in college, even though he never finished the first semester

- Pony says bye to Soda and he gives Pony the most soul-crushing hug, messes up his hair and gushes about how proud they are of him. Darry just grins and leads Pony to the truck, all their bags in hand, which isn’t a lot, so move-in will be easy

- Pony’s a nervous wreck on the car ride there. He’s fidgeting with the windows, turning the radio on and off, biting his nails, shifting in his seat. The farther they get from home the less ready he feels

- Darry is quiet, but he’s trying to give Pony a good pep talk the way their dad did for him. He tells Pony that he’s doing a great thing, they’re all so proud of him back home, he’s got amazing things ahead of him. Opportunities will come that he didn’t think were possible, so long as he keeps on top of his studies and goes to class.

- He doesn’t think he did a very good job at getting that across, though

- Once they get into a comfortable rhythm, they start talking about all the memories they have of their parents and each other: Pony tells Darry about the first time he kissed a girl and Darry tells Pony about the first time he got drunk. How Pony used to toddle behind Soda when he had just learned how to walk, and how Soda loved it until two hours later he was still following him. Then he locked Pony in his room with a chair under the doorknob

- They’re just dudes being bros for the most part, trying not to think about how all of their childhoods are finally over

- When the silence grows again, all Pony can think about is how young Darry really was when all of it went down and he had to take care of them, plus the gang. Pony doesn’t think he could have done it. He thinks he would have given up if he was in Darry’s spot. He looks at his brother, then back down at his hands

- When they get there, Pony finally tells him that. And that he’s sorry for making it more difficult than it had to be

- But Darry says he’d do it all again in a heart beat, if it meant he got to keep his brothers under his roof

- Pony gives him one last hug, but Darry hugs him harder. He can’t stop himself from messing up Pony’s hair one last time, for old time’s sake

- And then they realize that Pony’s really going to be away from home for a while, until fall break, and that’s a few months away. So this is it

- Pony says he’ll call, and Darry and Soda will call, and that’s all they can really do now

- Darry leaves Pony in the dorms, gets in the car, and is alone with himself, without anyone to look after, for the first time in four years

- He doesn’t have any direction in life anymore. Is he going to spend the rest of his life and health roofing houses and bookkeeping? Even Soda is getting ready to pack up and move out, granted he’s sticking around, but Darry knows about his grand plans of moving to Texas eventually

- Is Darry going to be the only one left in Tulsa? He was so close, too. But those chances are over. He doesn’t think he could ever go back to school. Maybe if he hadn’t spent the last five years breaking his body and wearing himself down. He can still lay someone out with one punch, don’t get him wrong, but being useful is ingrained into him. Is a college degree enough for him to work towards if it’s not helping his brothers?

- God, when was the last time he did anything for himself?

- His thoughts wander off to his brothers, and now that it’s over, he’s wondering if he did enough for them. Sure, they weren’t always living comfortably—they didn’t have any lights for two weeks at one point, near the beginning, and Darry was up to his neck in stress and grief and frustration—but they were happy. Darry thinks they were happy. Were they? He doesn’t think he’s ever asked

- He’s not sure what their parents would think of him if they saw what he did to their family. He got them both to eighteen, even if he couldn’t do the same for Johnny or Dally. He’s getting them out of Tulsa, watching them go farther than he ever would, so maybe he didn’t disappoint them completely

- Darry grips the wheel just a little harder. No, he wasn’t lying. He would do it all again in a heart beat, if Pony and Soda needed him to. They’d know where to find him

Starting to wonder if we even like Darry w the amount of misery yall want me to put him thru🙏 i like my men in constant turmoil tho what can i say 🤷‍♀️

[daydreaming-nerd]

Young Love and Old Money (Cassian x Female! Reader) Part 15

Young Love and Old Money Masterlist

AN: I'm sorry I haven't been writing a bunch lately. I've been going through a pretty big transitional period in my life and it has my mental health in the absolute shitter. Please be patient I promise I'm writing whenever I can. Love you all I hope you enjoy the second-to-last chapter of this series.

Summary: She was the most beautiful woman in Prythian, sister to the High Lord of Night, and now she is the soon-to-be wife of Eris Vanserra. Despite her many titles and her aura of unattainability, Cassian can't help but fall deeply in love with the princess of the Night Court. But will it be enough to stop her impending wedding to a man who is sure to destroy her from the inside out?

Warnings: jealous cassian, angst but fluffy at the end

Word Count: 6,517

It’s been three weeks since we went to Hybern and I hadn’t left the cell. 

The first time I woke up Rhys had to come into the cell and cleave into my mind to make me sleep. Thankfully the burn marks on his hands and wrists are fully healed now. Feyre is in the Spring Court acting as our spy and when he’s not talking to her, Rhys is down here with me and Cassian. 

Cassian hadn't left my side for a moment since I woke. He had a small cot placed outside my cell so that I wouldn’t have to sleep down here alone. Despite my protests he wouldn't leave to see Madja, he made her come here in this dark, dingy place. I had yet to touch anyone, even him, and it was starting to weigh on me. It was as if my skin turned colder in the absence of him, of anyone. I had taken for granted all the times I hugged my brother around the neck or sparred with Azriel. Not fully appreciated waking up in Cassian’s arms and being engulfed in his embrace when he came home sweaty and stinking from training. 

But it wasn’t just me who was suffering from lack of touch. Cassian was a broken male. Many times he fought with Rhys and I to simply be allowed in the cell with me, but both of us declined. While Cassian was a strong male, Rhys had magic that could help protect him. If something happened he wouldn’t be gravely injured. Cassian argued and argued with the two of us for days. He only gave up when I told him I couldn’t live with myself if I had hurt him. I asked him to imagine the situation in reverse. 

Rhys and Amren have been working tirelessly to teach me how to control my power. Even Cassain pitched in, teaching me the breathing techniques of Valkyries to keep my emotions calm when things seemed lost. I had made progress, but with the wards on the cell it was hard to measure the true extent of my control. The flame that danced on my skin was more of a flicker now, but who knew if that was the wards doing or my own. 

“Keep pressing your power down into that well, what does it look like? What does it feel like?” Rhysand coached me. 

We had found that the best way for me to put a damper on my power was to put it somewhere else. To seal it off from the rest of me in a way. Putting it in a vault and locking the door was effective until my emotions came into play, then Cassian’s breathing techniques worked their own magic. 

“Good, good! You’re doing fantastic!” Rhys praised his voice the most enthusiastic it had been in a while.

I opened my eyes to see the flames on my skin extinguished, though I could feel them simmering under the surface, waiting to ignite once more. It hadn’t been the first time I was able to control my power, I had been doing well for the past week. Rhys figured I would do better if I let some of it out, like a cauldron that needed to boil over in order to simmer down. But I couldn’t do that here. 

“How do you feel?” Rhys asked again, stepping closer to me. 

“I feel more me now, not that I really know what that means anymore,” I say looking at my hands just waiting for them to ignite again. 

Rhys takes my hands in his own, his wards up to keep from being singed. I look up to see his eyes sparkling, the happiest he’s been in a while, a smile lighting up his face.      

“I think you’re ready to leave the cell,” he smiles and I hear Cassian remove his arms from the bars of the cell where he always rested them. 

“Rhys I don’t know,” I shake my head as he holds my hands tighter. 

“Well I do, you’re ready y/n and I can’t stand to see you in this cell any longer,” he pleads with me. 

My eyes flit to my mate, who waits dutifully on the other side of the bars. His knuckles white from where he grips the iron. Like he was praying I’d cross that threshold just so I could be in the same room as him. It was that pain, that longing in his hazel eyes, that prompted me to nod my head yes. 

“Thank the cauldron,” Rhys sighed in relief, bringing me towards the door. “Now the wards won’t be there to help you keep your power down, you’ll have to focus just as hard as you have been.”

The second my feet step over the threshold I feel it. The wards felt like a heavy blanket placed on top of me, without them I felt like I was laid bare. The violet flames under my skin flickered a bit but went out as soon as I pushed them back into that vault that kept us all from being burnt to a crisp. 

Once I feel that vault door seal itself shut I look up to see Cassian staring at me like he’s seeing me for the first time. His eyes hold hope, and longing, and unmistakable sadness. My mate, my Cassian. Just three feet away from me.

I reach for him, feeling the need to comfort him but the second I do I stop myself and look down at my hands. There are no flames, but the simmering remains, icey and hot all at once. My hands clench into fists as I feel the pain in my chest. My eyes meet Cassian’s glassed over hazel ones and I feel the last piece of me break. 

“I can’t- I can’t hold you,” I say, my voice breaking mid sentence. How long would it be till I could touch my mate again? Would I ever touch him again? 

“It’s okay, I can still feel you, in here,” Cassian says, placing a hand over his chest and tugging on the bond so I could feel it. 

I feel my throat bob as tears prick my eyes, suddenly it’s harder to breathe and flames ignite at my fingertips. My tears evaporate as they fall down my face and suddenly the room is caving in. 

“Princess you need to breathe,” Cassian coos, placing his hand on my shoulder, the hiss of burning flesh echoes through the room as my mate rips his hands away from me and cradles his burnt hand. “FUCK!” he shouts. 

“Cassian I-” my words get caught in my throat. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to.” I say moving towards him, but Rhys steps in front of me.

“y/n stop, you’re burning up. Let it wash over you, like a wave washing over a rock.” he says calmly. 

I take a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. I picture my power being shoved back in that vault, I imagine a wave of calm washing over me like a warm blanket. Only when I hear my heartbeat slow do I open my eyes. The flames have danced out again. 

“That was incredible, you did that without the wards and without my help,” Rhys smiles proudly. “Today feels like a setback but you’ve made more progress than you know.” 

I nod and turn my attention to Cassian who still holds his hand, “Cass I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-” 

“Shh princess, I know you didn’t mean to. I should’ve been more careful.” he says warmly, thankfully he doesn’t reach for me again.

“He’ll be okay, from the amount of times I’ve been burned Madja has the healing process down to a science,” Rhys chuckles trying to lighten the mood.

I wish his words were enough. I just burned my mate while he was trying to help him, and what’s worse, I couldn’t even hold him. I couldn’t comfort him, or ‘kiss it better’ or even inspect the injury. It was like every bone in my body wanted to see if he was alright and I couldn’t. 

“I can put some wards on your bedroom, they won’t be as strong as down here but they will help,” Rhys assures me. 

My mind wanders to  my room. I had been sleeping in Cassian’s room for forever now, it was our room. But I couldn't sleep next to him anymore. Those days were gone. 

“Put the wards on my old room, not Cassian’s,” I say calmly, averting my eyes to the stone floor. 

“Like hell you’re sleeping in there,” Cassian grumbles. “You’re sleeping with me, in our bed, in our room.” 

“Cass I can’t and you know it,” I say a little harsher than I should. I shudder a sigh and continue, “Look at what just happened, I won’t hurt you again, I refuse to.” 

“She’s right Cassian, she could have a nightmare or a flare up in the night. Trust me when I say that little burn you got was nothing compared to her full power.” Rhysand says, knowing that there needs to be another voice of reason. 

Cassain purses his lips, “Fine, then I’ll sleep in the reading chair next to your bed.” he says. 

“No it’s not comfortable, you don’t have to do that,” I pleaded with him. 

Cassian goes to argue but Rhys steps in, “I can have a bed moved into your room sister. Cassian can be close to you and he will be far enough away that he won’t be roasted alive.”

I nod solemnly, I still don’t like the idea of my mate being anywhere near me at the moment, especially after what just happened. But I knew that if I didn’t let him sleep in the room with me that he would sleep in the hall outside, and that wouldn’t do either. And besides, who knew how long things would be this way…

One month later…

Things are getting better. However I have yet to touch anyone but Rhys. 

With my brother's help, I’ve gained more control over my power. We discovered that releasing it makes it easier to manage. When I depleted my reserves, there was less to burn off. However, the problem was that my reserves kept growing every day, as if I were gaining more and more power continuously.

There was no telling if it would ever stop growing and even more alarming, we didn’t know what would happen if I burnt out. 

On top of that came new revelations. It seemed my power was more linked to the Night Court than we initially thought. I could now manipulate darkness and winnow just like Rhys could. Turns out winnowing was incredibly handy, especially since Cassian couldn’t fly me anywhere anymore.  

Rhys and I worked everyday to let out some power. He taught me how to control my fire, how to aim it, and wield it as the weapon it was. It was during one of these very lessons that he got the news that Feyre had finally returned to us. 

The reunion was teary and beautiful as I watched my brother and his mate embrace so warmly on the floor of the townhouse. Though, there was a certain pang in my heart knowing I couldn’t hold my own mate that way. I looked up at Cassian from across the room to find him already staring at me. I pursed my lips and looked away, trying my best to keep myself from crying.

“Oh y/n!” Feyre smiles and begins to run over and embrace me but Rhyand catches her around her middle. 

“Feyre no!” he shouts, a male clearly worried for his mate.

His booming voice made me curl in a little on myself as Cassian took a protective step towards me, eyeing both of them. 

“I’m sorry Feyre, but I can’t touch you. I can’t touch anyone actually, even Cassian.” I say sadly the shame washing over me like the tide. 

“W-what? Why?” she asks from where she stands a safe distance away in my brother's arms. 

I let out a breath, “When I went into the cauldron I changed, power awakened inside of me and I can’t control it. I’ve burnt Rhys about a hundred times now.” I sigh, knowing the last thing she wants to hear is how I’ve harmed her mate. 

She turns and slaps Rhys across the chest, “I knew you were lying! I could feel the heat down the bond! Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks. 

My brother chuckles at his applauded mate, clearly just happy that she’s finally back in his arms. “You had enough to worry about already, and besides I had it under control. Y/n is doing much better now.” he assures Feyre. 

“As I live and breathe,” croons a voice that I hadn’t heard in years. 

My eyes flit to behind Feyre, where Lucien Vanserra stands, his eyes raking over me. I knew him when we were young and Rhys and Tamling were still friends. I was always fond of the male, and his flirtatious ways. Rhys used to call us childhood sweethearts, though we were never anything more than good friends.

“Lucien-fucking-Vanserra,” I laugh as Lucein prowls towards me. 

“It can’t be? Is that the precious Jewel of Prythian?” he jests. “If I had known I’d be seeing you I would’ve brought flowers. I think I recall the Spring Courts peonies being your favorite?” he smirks, cocking an eyebrow. 

“You’re a terrible guest Vanserra, we should throw you out,” I laughed, shaking my head at the silver tongued fox. 

“Then allow me to gift you this instead,” he drawls before reaching for my hand. 

“Lucien I wouldn’t” warns Rhys but it’s already too late. 

The fox ignites flames across his fingers and picks up my hand. He doesn’t hiss or even flinch as he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it in greeting. His eyes of gold and russet burning into mine. 

Cassian growls in warning at the sight of the Autumn Court prince touching me, but if Lucien cares or is even afraid he doesn’t let it show. Instead he flips my hand over so my palm is facing up, using his free hand to graze over the skin of my palm down to my forearm. 

“Her power is not like mine,” he says to no one in particular. “It feels darker and perhaps stronger.” 

“But you can touch her?” Amren questions watching Lucien inspect my hand. 

“Of course I can touch her,” he smirks, winking at me. “My flames burn at the same temperature as hers. I don’t feel anything but her lovely skin.” 

“That’s enough,” Cassain growls, stepping forward a bit. 

Lucien’s eyes turn to the general, nothing but sheer amusement in them. 

“Yes, yes, Feyre told me that The Jewel was spoken fort now,” Lucien tuts releasing my hand. “Forgive me for trying to ignite old flames.” he chuckles, turning away. 

Rhys and Feyre promptly excuse themselves and we all take it as our queue to get lost, clearing the room at lightning speed. I walked out of the house with Cassian in tow, and I could practically feel his anger radiating behind me.

Since going into the cauldron things between Cassian and I had been, well… different. We were so physical before I was cursed with a power I couldn’t control. Always holding hands or cuddling whenever we could. It cleaved a hole in our relationship we couldn't find a way to replace. 

While we still spent every waking moment together, we talked less. I missed the conversations we used to have about books or training (which I had kept up on in my own time). However, I knew that my new powers were a lifestyle change for him too. It felt like grieving who I once used to be, who I may never be again. 

Part of me wondered if we would survive this “new me”. Cassian fell in love with me when I was weak and meager, he might not like this new me. This female he had to walk on eggshells around. What I did know was this, he had to adjust in his own way, and I would stand by him through whatever that process was for him. 

I thought I could keep quiet about his intense brooding, until he grunted once more. I stopped and turned around to face him. My neck craned up to where his jaw ticked in frustration.

“You sound pretty angry back there big guy,” I tease, trying to keep the mood light. 

“I haven’t been able to touch you in almost two months and Lucien Vanserra walks in and holds your hand like it’s no big deal,” he grumbles looking off to the side. 

If things were the way they used to be I would be turning his chin to meet my gaze. 

“Maybe he can help Cass,” I say softly, trying to give him something to root for. 

“Yeah, yeah, but I’m always going to be upset he was the first one to touch you,” he says, lip curling into a half smile as if he realizes how ridiculous he’s being. 

“Rhys says I’m doing better, and I feel better too.” I tell him. “Better days could just be around the corner.” 

Cassain lets my words hang in the air a bit and I can practically see the wheels in his head churning, like he’s waging a war against his thoughts and instincts. 

“Can we- can we try again?” he asks hopelessly. 

Cass had been asking me the same thing for the past few weeks. He wanted to try and touch me, just for a moment. The male just wanted to hold my hand.  But I told him no every time, for every time he asked I could hear the singing of his flesh and see him cradling a burnt hand. Like a bad nightmare on a loop.

“Cass no I won’t hurt you,” I say firmly, taking a step back from him just in case he got any ideas. 

“Baby please, I just want to hold you again. I just want to feel my mate.” he begs and my heart shatters.

“I’m sorry Cass, but I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you again.” I say sadly, casting my head down. “We just have to hope that things get better tomorrow.” 

Cassian goes to brush a hair out of my face and when he realizes he can’t he clenches his hand into a fist and clenches his jaw. And so the invisible wall that had been built between us raises again, and I feel that pang in my chest that, just. Won’t. Go. Away. 

“What do you mean that was pretty close?” I cry looking at the scorched bit of grass next to the large rock I was supposed to hit.

“Pretty close could be the difference between hitting Hybern and hitting me in the heat of battle sister,” Rhys chortles. 

We had been at it for hours today. After the week-long disappearance of him and Feyre he had finally come back to the real world to help me control my magic. 

My well of power was turning shallow after hours of practice and my aim was starting to get sloppy. Which of course was dangerous for all involved, but mostly for the spring grass on the secluded hill we were on. 

“Keep trying,” Rhys urges me from the boulder he sits on. I’m sure the thing had a permanent imprint of his ass by now.

“I can’t!” I say frustrated, running my hands through my hair.  “I can’t break into people's minds, I can’t shapeshift.” 

Rhys cocks and eyebrow and gracefully stands from the rock walking over to me.

“You wouldn’t know, you haven’t tried,” he says, summoning a kernel of his magic to rest in the palm of his hand, pure violet light. I do the same, but like always, it only manifests as violet flame. “Your power resembles mine, I can feel the traces of it that you carry. Try shapeshifting, amuse me sister.” 

I look up at him with a sour face, “Into what? It’s not that simple.” I scoff, my brother always made magic seem so carefree, I was jealous of how easy he made it all look. 

Rhys smirks and the snap of leather rings in my ears. The shit eating grin he wears as his wings spread out, basking in the sun makes my blood boil. Rhys was always a show off, especially when he was trying to push all my buttons.

“Maybe we’re the same, you are half Illyrian, even though you never got the wing gene.” he says, stretching his wings like he might stretch his arms when he first woke up in the morning. 

“Rhys,” I grit out. He was toying with me, trying to poke fun at me so I might aim better or spew some more fire. 

“Oh come on, humor your big brother.” he laughs. “Picture them in your mind, what do they look like?” 

I let out a huff and rolled my eyes, and despite my better judgment I scrunch up my face and let my eyelids flutter shut. I try to picture what I might look like with wings, the same way I used to do when I was a little girl. I used to imagine myself flying around with my brother and his friends, going to far away places, anywhere but the townhouse I was raised in and caged in. 

Weight crashes over me and when I open my eyes Rhys stands there with a smug grin on his face. His eyes gleamed with that ‘I told you so’ look only a big brother could possess. I dare to shift my shoulder blade behind me, and then there they are… that weight on my back that feels all too comfortable, like it was always meant to be there. 

“Ha ha!” Rhys laughs, pumping his fists in the air.

Before I can protest he’s running over to pull me into a hug and ruffle up my hair with his knuckles. 

“Look at that! My baby sister has wings!” he smiles, his eyes taking in the sight of them as they light up brighter than I had ever seen before. 

I curl my back muscles so that my right wing comes in front of me. They look just like Rhys’, except unscarred from years of battle and much smaller, even smaller than Feyre’s. But the weight of them was perfect, like they were made for me. 

“You’ve been training with Cassian haven’t you?” he asks, circling me as if he is taking in my posture and the muscles of my back. 

“Yeah I have, why?” I ask, watching as his gaze rakes over my wings. 

Even when I was in the cell I worked hard to continue doing the exercises that Cassin has taught me. It was hard to be cooped up in there all the time. While I trained and motivated I was able to escape if only for a little bit.

“Because the drills he has you running? They’re the same ones they put us through when we were young. They’re meant to strengthen our backs so we might carry our wings,” he explains, coming back to stand in front of me. “And by the looks of it you bear yours quite well.”

I look at my wings and flex them a bit. My brother was right, I was carrying my wings like they were second nature. My back didn’t scream from the pain, instead it almost seemed to welcome their weight. However, it was another change I would have to get used to. Unrelenting power, winnowing, not being able to touch my mate, and now wings? 

I shook my head and thought for a moment. I was a completely unrecognizable person now. Far from the person Cassian fell in love with. My mind drifted back to the talk we had the other day, how I could feel the distance between us. I wondered if maybe this new me wasn’t one that he wanted. Wondered if perhaps he had preferred me to be nothing more than a princess… his mate. And now the wings? Could I possibly change any more? 

“Do you think Cassian will care?” I ask softly bracing myself for any answer my brother might provide. “I mean I’ve changed so much, and he married me without wings and now all the sudden-” 

“Sister,” Rhys says, grasping my arms to stop me from speaking. “Cassian is going to love your wings. He’s going to drool all over my carpets when he sees them.”

“Yeah but-” 

My words get caught in my throat as I feel my brother's fingers digging into my arms. Into my skin. My eyes turn down to where he grasps my bare forearms. No wards, no magic, just him and me. Rhys was touching me. And he was unburnt. 

“You-you’re touching me,” I breathe, grasping his forearms back. 

“I had a suspicion that if you deplenished that well of power enough that I would be able to touch you. Looks like I was right,” he smiles. 

I throw my arms around his neck and pull him into a soul crushing hug. It had been so long since I had been hugged or held or touched in any way. I didn’t know how badly it would burden my soul, not to feel my brothers warm hugs or my mates lingering touches. But here I was, happy and whole again. 

When I pull back there are tears in both of our eyes. Tears of hope. Hope that I might make it through whatever this power was that sought to bring me down, hope that I could make a difference in the upcoming war, and hope that when all this was over, I might have a normal life. 

“I think there’s someone who is desperately wanting to see you right now,” he smiles as a tear rolls down his face. 

The townhouse is quiet when we walk in, both of us wingless and searching for one person… Cassian.  Of course we knew he would be here, he was always here when Rhys and I went to train. Pacing and patiently waiting for me to return with some hope, some kernel of a possibility that I might be able to touch him or hold his hand that day. 

That’s where we found him, wearing a hole in Rhysand’s beloved carpet waiting for any semblance of good news. 

“Hey, how was training today?” he asked from where he stood a good few feet away. 

“It went well,” I say timidly. Despite my brother's assurance I was still scared of what Cass might have to say about my new changes. 

“It went well, that’s all you have to say? It went well,” Rhys protests from where he leans against his desk, arms crossed and looking every bit of the swaggering High Lord he was painted to be. 

“Rhys,” I growl under my breath, he had promised not to butt in if I let him see Cassian’s reaction to his winged mate. 

Rhys holds his hands up in mock surrender before signaling that he’s going to shut up now and enjoy the show. 

I sigh and prepare myself for the worst, “Rhys and I discovered yet another new aspect of my power,” I say, looking to Cassian whose face is nothing but apprehensive, like he won’t let himself get his hopes up. 

“And it’s a physical manifestation of sorts, one I’m not sure how you’ll react to,” I continue wearily. 

Cassian relaxes a bit, “You’re my mate, and you always will be. You could sprout a tail and I would still love you.” he chuckles. 

“I don’t know Cass, this one is pretty unforgivable,” Rhys teases, breaking his promise once again. 

I shoot him a pointed glare that tells him he’s run out of warnings and he closes his mouth again. I take a deep breath in, visualizing my wings just like Rhys had instructed me and when I breathe out again I can feel their comforting weight. 

When I open my eyes I find Cassian standing slack jawed in the middle of the room, Rhys’ booming laugh echoing off the walls at his usually composed brother's appearance. I can’t help but let my lip turn up at Rhys’s good humor, it was nice to have him break the tension. 

“Y-You have wings?” Cassian sputters out taking a step closer to me.

“I’ve always been half Illyrian just like Rhys, but I never had the magic to shift into wings like he did. Now I do,” I explained to him.

“How could you for one moment think I wouldn’t be overjoyed by this?” he laughs stepping closer so that he’s towering over me. The movement feels so natural, the position feels so us. 

I smile softly, my cheeks no doubt flushing under his lovesick gaze. My hand reaches out to touch him, like it had so many times before, but this time I don’t stop myself as I slowly go to touch his cheek. 

As my fingers get closer he flinches ever so slightly, I can tell it’s a knee jerk reaction from being burnt, but my gaze never falters. Not as my fingers brush over the stubble of his unshaved jaw, and my palm  comes to cup his face. 

The tension in his body releases and his eyes flutter closed for a brief moment. He opens them and a tear falls down his face as he lets out a ragged breath. 

“I can feel you,” he breathes out and I feel a piece of my soul come back to me. 

I shudder a breath as I realize I’m crying too, “I can feel you,” I cry putting my other hand on his cheek. 

“We…well I, figured out that her power is a well, when it’s near empty she doesn’t burn,” Rhys smiles from the corner of the room. 

Cassian’s hands encircle my waist as he pulls me to his chest. I breathe in his scent, cedar and leather, and thank the mother that I can be in his arms again. 

“What happens if she burns out? Uses all her power?” Cassian asks, already looking towards the future while I was still taking in the moment we had now. 

Rhys sighs and shakes his head, “I’m not sure what happens. But I’m not willing to test her limits to find out, not when the possibility could be losing her forever.” he says sadly. 

Cassian nods, I can tell that the answer Rhys gave him didn’t sit right with him. That he wanted to know more, wanted to make sure that very real possibility of losing me wouldn’t happen anytime soon. But then he tilted my chin up to meet his gaze and I could tell that he had decided that this moment was more important. 

“You’re so cold,” he breathes. “But you’re still you. You still feel like you.”

“Oh Cass,” I laugh, throwing my arms around his neck.

His arms encircled me pulling me to him in a soul crushing hug, no doubt releasing all the tension between us that had been building for nearly two months now. I can’t help but let out a sob at the feeling of being in his arms again. At some point I feel us both hit the floor as we hold each other. 

Cassian pulls back to brush the hair from my face, a movement I know he missed doing. Both of our faces streaked in tears but I didn’t care. 

“Let’s go home,” he says softly. “To our room and our bed, so I can show you how much I’ve missed you, my beautiful mate.” he says.

I wasn’t able to fly myself to the House of Wind, despite having wings of my own now I had no clue how to even begin to fly. But Cassian didn’t mind carrying me, hells I didn’t mind either. For the first time in a long time we felt like us. 

I lie on my stomach cradling a pillow as the sheets drape around my bare skin. Cassian lies next to me, propped up on his elbow as he runs a finger up and down my back, like even a simple touch like this meant the world to him. I know it did to me. 

We had been at it for hours, I had to take a couple breaks to release my flames on the balcony but somehow the display of my power only seemed to turn Cassian on more. It wasn’t until now that we were truly spent and basking in the glow of just lying in our bed together. 

“Show me again,” he muses, placing a kiss on my shoulder. 

I knew what he meant. He had asked to see my wings a million times already. The first time he wanted to touch them, feel every inch of them. He opted to show me how sensitive they could be and I was greedily taking every touch he gave them. If I had known how easily affected his wings were I would’ve been far more careful when I washed them. 

I roll my eyes and muster a kernel of power to summon my wings. His eyes light up immediately as he runs a hand down the leathery material. The hair on my skin raised and I couldn’t help but smile at the tenderness. My feared general admires my wings like they were expensive art. 

“Beautiful,” he smiles, kissing the edge near him. “My mate is so beautiful” 

I hum in delight as he repeats the phrase, fearsome general indeed. I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he looked in this moment. How long had it been since I saw him bare? His sculpted muscles that  make him look like a god. Hair falling from where it was tied at the nape of his neck, face worn from coupling but still aglow with love? It had been so long. I could’ve stayed there forever. 

“Tomorrow I’ll teach you how to fly,” he tells me softly, still brushing his hand over my wings and down my spine. 

“Rhys says he wants Azriel to teach me since he also learned later in life.” I reply, my voice tired as the late hours creep in. 

Cassian shakes his head, “No, you’re my mate. I’ll teach you.” he said in a tone that left no room for arguing.

“Rhys didn’t teach Feyre how to fly,” I pointed out with a smug smile. I knew how important it was to him that he be the one to teach me, but it was fun to push his buttons like this. 

“Yes and because of that Azriel pushed Feyre off a cliff as a flying lesson,” he chuckled. 

I remember the day my brother's mate came home with twigs in her hair, we all made fun of her then. Now I fear I will be living the same fate. 

“But she did in fact learn how to fly,” I say, needing to push his buttons one last time. 

“The answer is no princess,” he grumbles, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Besides I feel like I just got you back.” 

I sighed knowing the feeling all too well. While Cassian and I weren’t apart physically it felt like it. Sure I saw him every single day, and he slept in a bed next to mine, but we weren’t the same. 

“I know how you feel,” I say, reaching out my hand to stroke his cheek, his eyes fluttering for a moment as if savoring the feeling. 

He was silent for a moment, the air between us thick with things we never talked about. Hybern, the Cauldron, the war. It was something we should’ve talked about weeks ago. But if I had to talk about watching him die and not be able to hold him after? I don’t think I could do that. Clearly he felt the same. 

“When you went into the Cauldron,” he said, drifting off as if recalling the horrid event. “I thought you were dead. I thought I was sitting there watching you die.” 

My breath caught in my throat as I watched him come to terms with his thoughts, his emotions. 

“I- there are no words to describe how it felt. To sit there and watch you die and not do anything about it. It was a mercy that I lost consciousness,” he continues. “When I woke up I thought you were gone. I thought I had woken up to a world where you weren’t alive anymore. Worst of all I thought they had left your body in that horrible place. That I wouldn’t be able to hold you one last time, even in death.” 

“Cass-” I start to comfort him but he cuts me off. 

“Azriel said you were here and that you were breathing and I nearly cried with happiness. But then I saw you in that cell, cold and on the dirty floor. I just wanted to hold you and…god, I wasn’t sure if we were ever going to be able to do this again.” he says, voice filled with emotion as he strokes my cheek. 

“It’s not going to be easy Cass, the road going forward. There will be war and ruin, but I know that we can get through it. We’re going to be okay,” I smile cupping the hand he has rested on my cheek. 

He smiles down and pulls me to him so that I’m laying on his chest.  “We’re going to be okay,” he repeats back. 

I had laid on his chest like this a hundred times before, but now it meant more. I sigh, breathing him in, enjoying the feel of his skin under my cheek once more. He was very adamant that this be the way I sleep tonight even though I was scared. 

“But Cass what if I burn you in the middle of the night-”

“No. You will sleep in our bed, in my arms and that’s final.” 

I didn’t argue with him after that. 

As if on queue the second I feel myself drifting into sleep Cassian shakes my shoulder a bit. 

“Princess you’re heating up a bit,” he whispers in my ear. 

We found that whenever my skin started getting hot that my power started to grow, when I expelled the excess my skin turned cold. A welcome meter of where I was at, but good lord I simply wanted to rest. 

“Ugh, I’ll go light something on fire,” I groan, pulling myself from the bed and tossing Cassian’s shirt over my head. 

It was going to be a long road back to normalcy, if there could even be a “normal” after this. But I wasn’t walking the path alone, I never would be.

Last chapter coming soon….

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[lingering-42-long]

The Last Goodbye

When they are Kia

Cod characters x f! reader

Inspired by MW3 and the tragic events that occurred this will be a three-part series if I do not get writers block lol.

So sorry for the not posting as much! It’s been a really crazy month and a lot of things had happened and caused me to have a bit of a depressive episode so thank you all for being super patient!

Warnings: mentions of death

John Price

You saw it on the news first before you got the visit. Your breath hitched when you saw the news of the air strike that had hit the base where your husband of 12 years was stationed at everything was decimated. And you couldn’t call or check to make sure that he was all right as he would not have his personal cell phone with him. It wasn’t until two days after the attack did two uniformed military officers showed up at your door holding prices old hat and SAS badge and dog tags. How they got them so quickly, you weren’t sure, but the news came like a sudden wave of cold water. “ we are so sorry for your loss.” One of the officers told you. The body would be arriving shortly within a week or so for proper burial you two had purchased side-by-side grave plots. And the will was already drawn up well before all of this had happened. John was a very precise man and always make sure to think 12 steps ahead. He knew his job was rough and he knew that at any moment he could drop dead. He made sure that his life insurance would be going to you, which was some relief sense the army didn’t pay much.

How to tell your daughter, that her father was not going to be coming back. What is the worst thing you could ever do to her young heart. She was only eight years old. She adored her father practically worship the ground. He walked on. She was always his little girl, and now the war stripped her of him. Stripped you of him..

When she came home from school, you had to sit her down. You held her hands, and with tears, you told the heartbreaking news. The young girl did not understand at first on why her father wasn’t coming back, and once again, you explained that he had died in action, and he would never be able to come home you’re a little girl started to cry, and when he tried to comfort her, she bolted from your arms and ran to her room, slamming the door, and she could hear her wails. You yourself cried yourself to sleep for the first few weeks all the way up until the funeral your friends and family members gathered around you doing everything that they could to comfort you and your daughter people were calling in every single day talking with you for hours on end, while other people stopped by to bring you food.

Every day it felt like a horrifying nightmare. The one that reoccurs every single time slightly more horrifying than the last. As you were going through your stuff and trying to decide what if his you wanted to keep and what of his you wanted to donate you noticed on your phone you had gotten an email from Kate Lasswell. She had sent a video to you actually several saying in the email that he wanted you to have this and gave her explicit instructions in case if he was to ever die.

Pressing the play button, you watched as his face appeared in the camera as he sat down and smiled at you. The way, his eyes twinkled and the crows feet around them creased. “ hello dove” he started at first and you had to pause the video because you were overwhelmed with the emotions. When you stabilized yourself again, you continued. “ I know it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to you and I know that if you’re seeing this, it means that I have passed….. mission was going to be botched no matter what I just didn’t want to tell you the statistics at first…” he paused himself, as he seem to be collecting his words in his own voice was shaking “ I really wish I could come back home to you. I told you that this would be the last mission that I would do before retiring… I promise to take you out on that date that you wanted to go to that fancy restaurant.” he paused again, closing his eyes, and releasing out a large sigh.

“ I’m sorry I never got to take you…. I had so many plans to do with you and Alice… it doesn’t seem fair that I didn’t get a chance to do that” once again, you had a pause the video so that you could take a minute to cry. The plans that you had with each other right now by the wayside. You unpause did it again, and continued on listening. “ I know right now you’re depressed.” he stated, folding folding his hands, and leaning on the desk in a slightly business fashion way. “ in the email that Kate sent you there is several groups that you can join that are for the spouses of the deceased militant partner. Please join one as well as make sure our daughter also goes to one for kids. She’s going to need that support… you both are.” he smiled again, but it was a Sad smile. “ I also made sure to have a college fund started for her. You don’t have to worry about it until she’s ready. There should be plenty of money for her to attend all the way up until graduate year as long as she goes to a decent university. Make sure it’s only used for that if she chooses not to go to university or to go to a less expensive one, you can use the money to buy her a car or whatever she needs to get her life started…. I’m sorry this had all come to this…. As you know I have set aside a life insurance, and the beneficiary goes to you. I also saved up a lot of my savings as well. Feel free to use it as necessary.” he knew that you were going to be smart with the money. “ He paused and looked at you “you are my beloved…. I’m so sorry my dove that you have to face this alone. Please take care of yourself. Find a husband that loves you like I did and a good father figure for our daughter.” This made him tear up. “I will wait for you in heaven and I will watch over you both. You mean so much love. No one or nothing can separate this love. The email that is sent to you also has several videos for Alice. For her birthdays, graduation, moving out to university, marriage and their child. I made sure to make a video for all of that… I also left many for you. Please don’t hesitate to just let me listen to you… I love you.”

The video ended and you sat in the chair, Thinking things though. He set life up for you and your daughter. He was still looking after both of you. You cried for a bit before getting up and knocking on your daughters door. Your little girl opened up with tears on her face. “Hey baby… daddy sent you something.” She sniffed as you picked her up and took her to your old husband’s office. After sitting down with her in his old chair, you turned on the next video. “Hey Angel!” John’s face lit up when the camera started you could see he had been crying. “Angel, im not coming home, it’s not that I don’t want to but it’s because I got called up to heaven. I want you to do something for me my sweet, I want you to watch over momma ok? She is going to need you and you are going to need her. He glanced up as if looking at you then looked back down at his daughter. “You are such a special little girl. I love you so much. Momma has the other videos for you to watch when you grow up. I’m so so sorry to leave you like this. I did not

I did not want to go. I know you were looking forward to see me and so was I… you are my sunshine. My only sunshine.” He stated singing the song he sang when she was down or sad. “You make me happy, when sky’s are grey. You never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away…. I love you my angel.” The video ended. Your daughter looked at you. “What now?” She asked. “Well… now we do what daddy said… we do our best to move on, but not to forget him. We will be OK.” You held her as you too watched the sunset fade beneath the horizon, a beautiful white dove landed on he window, cooed and looked at you before flying off into the golden rays of the pink sky.

Simon Riley

You were cleaning in the kitchen when you heard a knock at the door. Putting the sponge back in the soapy hot water. You wiped your hands and made your way to the door. Two military officers took at the door, Solum faces as they greeted you. “Hello can I help you?” You asked

“Mrs (y/n) Riley?” One of them asked.

“Yes that is me.” You looked at them worried.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant Simon Riley was killed in action.” The officer said gravely as he handed you a box of his things.

You took the box with tears in your eyes. The men told you that his body was found and would be returning soon. You thanked them and closed the door as you held the box tightly in your arms and sunk to the floor sobbing. Your sweet Simon. He was gone, never to come home to you and your son. You knew it was a dangerous job, but it never really hit you till now. Your husband, the man that always let you take off his mask, the man that would cuddle with you at night and rub your back after a long day, the father of your 3 month old son who he would stay up late to let you sleep. He was gone, ripped apart from you. How were you going to tell your son about his father, the man who loved his son from the moment he was born. You cried on the cold floor till you fell asleep, still holding onto the box. You woke up to the sound of your son crying in his room. Getting up, you walked and a dead sonter to his room. Tomas your son named after your husbands brother, was crying in his cradle. Carfully you picked him up and held him close. He looked so much like his daddy, blonde hair, dark blue eyes, fair skin. “Shhhhh my love” you rocked your son with tears in your eyes. “Daddy isn’t coming back.” You stated as a hiccup got you. “He loved you so much…. He loved me.” You knew your son wouldn’t remember this but it was still so sad to hold your little boy and know he would never have a father and son bonding.

You sobbed as you held onto him. Tomas sensing his mothers destress, he quieted down and cooed. After a while you fed him and put him down to bed once more. You opened the box after sitting down with a hot cup of tea, ready to take on what you needed to. With a sniffle, you opened the lid to reveal his skull mask, the dog tags that he wore, his SAS badge, and a few other things. “Oh Simon” new murmured as you carefully picked up the mask and set the box down as he traced over the lines to his skeletal features on his balaclava. It smelled like him. That rich, earthy smell, that he always seems to have with a hint of gunpowder and bourbon. It was a lingering sent, but it was a good one at that. You held the mass close as you leaned back on the couch and close your eyes. You already missed him more than you did before maybe it was because you knew that you would never see him again, to have him be in the house and be present with you and your son. You would go on with your life fine you are a tough woman, one of the many reasons to why Simon married you, but it was your son that you were worried about. You wanted your son to have a father figure. A dad that he would learn to grow up and love. Simon never had that sort of dad, and had always wanted to be that way for his own children.

Now Simon was never going to live out his dream, and Thomas, your son, was never going to have that sort of special bond. I thought made you incredibly sad once more but no tears fell, your eyes were all dried from the previous crying. The weeks came and the funeral happened, your husband looked peaceful in his casket. You wanted some alone time with him first and held his stiff, cold hand. “ Thomas will miss you… I will miss you. You were my rock and shield. It’s going to be hard without you Si… I will always love you and miss you.” The funeral took place and it was a sad time. The team of 141, your family and friends helped with whatever you needed. Now, you were cleaning out things from your late husband. As you were cleaning out his bedside table drawer, you saw a note, folded up neatly. Curious, you unfolded the lined paper and read the words on the paper.

“My dear (y/n), Birdie if you are digging in my drawer then that means I have passed, the mission was botched… I’m sorry… I know Thomas is in good hands with you. Please don’t worry about money. My account will be given to you. As I am writing this, it’s late, you’re sleeping next to me. It’s the night before we leave… I am looking at you for the last time, taking in all your beautiful details. Your face is so soft in sleep, you look so angelic. I am going to miss you… I know you will miss me too… I’m sorry I haven’t said ‘I love you’ that much. I hope you know I cherished and deeply loved you. I still do. I know you are a strong woman, that is what drew me to you. I know you will move on. If you wish, find someone who can love you and our son just as much as I loved you. I will be waiting for you when you come. I will always be watching out for you. Please don’t let our son forget me. I want him to know how much I loved him and you. I love you my Birdie, my beautiful wife. ~Simon.”

You held onto the paper and cried. This was going to be ruff. You were going to be ok. A sense of comfort filled your mind and warmth flooded your body. “I love you my Simon” you smiled and the familiar sent of him wafted and you felt his warmth envelop you.

Gaz

when the news reached you, it hurt like 1000 tiny little daggers. You had just gotten married to Gaz, your Relationship was just beginning. The two of you had been high school sweethearts. Times had gotten tough for both of you and you broke off your relationship before time being until you rekindled it once again, realizing that he was the only person for you. You had only gotten married a few months prior and just had your honeymoon before he was shipped off. Four months he was gone. And he was supposed to come back in two, however, the letter that you received told a different story. He would never be coming home. His body was blown up so badly that they couldn’t find all the pieces to him. We would do everything that they could to get the majority of him back home so that there could be some proper burial. This broke your heart. He would never get to share the life with you that you too so desperately dreamed about, a small home, somewhere on the suburbs of London with a dog, and maybe a child somewhere down the line. That was your plan at least but now things have changed, and now your beloved was gone.

It had been a few weeks since the death, and the burial of what was left at him. You had moved back in with your parents for the time being. As you were cleaning up your room, doing the best to get over your grieving you noticed a note on your bed they have been delivered by your mother earlier. Carefully you walked up to the letter and looked at it. It was addressed to you by Gaz. A sense of panic swelled in your chest. Did he really survive? Or was this some cool trick that somebody was playing? Quickly opened the envelope, and you looked at the letter the date showing that it was a month ago that he had sent this; before his death. With shaky hands, you begin to read the chicken, scratch lettering, tracing over every word, and taking to heart as if it was the gospel.

“Hey Love!

Things are crazy right now! We’re going to be going into a city not too far from here. I’ll make sure to pick up some stuff for you. I know you’ve been wanting to decorate the house for a while and I’m so excited to see what sort of projects you’ve been working on? How’s the art piece coming? I remember you telling me that you wanted to start up painting again. We always had such a pretty drawings. I have no doubt that they’re not going to be beautiful. I hope you hang them on the wall for us to see. I miss you. A part of me wishes that you were here at least the part that isn’t the most violent. Unfortunately, we’re not in the best area we are being attacked left and right. Don’t worry sweetheart. I’ll be home soon! I promise I’ll fix the leaky faucet. I know it’s been driving you crazy. I I sent a letter to my folks, but could you tell them that I miss them as well? I want them to know how much I miss them, but I think I miss you the most. When I get back can we get a dog? Also, can we have like a full day of playing video games just with you and me? I know I sound like I’m rambling, but it’s just what’s on my mind recently. Late night cuddles with you while playing Mario kart. It just sounds so relaxing right now. I’m really tired. Well sweetheart, I better get to bed. I love you and I hope that you have an amazing day tomorrow and the next and the next after that.

Your Husband,

Gaz”

Hugging the letter, you cried your eyes out. Tears streaming down your face as you laid on the bed, holding onto the last remnant of what your husband left you. It sounded as if he was somewhere in a safer, better place. You hoped that he died quickly that he didn’t suffer and his last thoughts were good thoughts. A breeze drifted into the room from your open window and a warm bit of sunshine hit your cheek as the breeze drifted passed it felt like a stroke on your soft face. He was there sitting beside you, even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel his presence. He was safe and he was watching over you.

Johnny McTavish

The news has gotten to you quickly. It was actually delivered by Price himself. You couldn’t believe it. Your Scottish highland your man was no longer going to come home to you. He was shot through the head. Taking a bullet to save a life. Your young son, John, named after his father, was going to be home from school soon the devastating news hurt you more than anything else out there. How are you going to tell your six-year-old son that he was not gonna have his daddy near anymore? Who was going to play football with him in the yard? Who is going to read bedtime stories? Who is going to play in the rain with him? Your son needed his father that boy looked up to his dad, like he was the sun, its self. The news hurt you hard calling his parents and his family was going to be hard as well if they had an already heard the news. He was close with everybody and his family and he had quite a large family.

The upcoming days to the Memorial as you wish to have been cremated, were hard and brutal. Everybody that you knew, and your friends and his family all gave their condolences to you and to each other he was loved and well liked by everyone your son took it hard he didn’t understand why his dad wasn’t coming home and cried and cried and cried it was like that for almost a whole week, he was doing so bad that you had to pull him out of school for the time being because he was unable to function properly. You did everything you could you hold him tight in your arms until he cried himself to sleep at night in which you also cried your own silent tears. You would go walk on the open, Highlands that overlooked the beautiful scenery where your husband, his father’s ashes, cast out upon the open landscape. A small memorial was placed there in memory. You would have picnics out there are frequently, simply listening to the birds call from high above and feel the warm sun cast It’s beautiful rays. They felt cold and dull to you, but you did your best to hold out for your son.

Cleaning out the closet with all of his stuff. What is your next task as you were taking some of his old stuff down you noticed a hard drive they had fallen out of one of his pockets with your name on it. Curious, you took the hard drive and you plugged it into your laptop. It open the file which had a video and it. You clicked play.

The video with your husband sitting on the couch in your living room, smiling at you “Hello my bonne Lass. if yer seeing this then ye know what happened and I don’t think I need ta say anymore abou tha’. I am so sorry that I cannot be with Yer. I love ye so much. I love our son John so much. Please remind hem’ every day how much I love him. Please play football with hem as much as ye can. Please read to hem every night fer me. I know it’s a lot ta ask with what’s going on but I think it might be good fer both of ya ta share tha’ quality time. I’m gonna miss ye both, but I’m always going te be with yer. I’m always going to be watching over mo little family. Don’t worry Lass, life insurance should cover a huge portion of everything. Hopefully it can help provide some security fer you and fer John. I also have tha’ university fund ye wanted me ta set up fer him. Let the money grow and add te it. If ye want by the time he turns 18 he can open that account. The files are actually in my cabinet on the right side of the desk. It has all the important paperwork and documentaries yer gonna need. I really wish I was there with ya Lass. I’m going to miss holding you at night and whispering I love yous.” His beautiful eyes stared right back at you with his stupid little mohawk and broad shoulders facing the camera. “ I know you got this, please don’t ferget about me, but I do want you moving on. Find a man that makes yer heart is happy to be with as it was with meh. I know it’s a lot ta ask for, and I’m not expecting ye ta get married right this instant… I want ta see ye happy I want to see you taken care of. I love ye, my princess.” he reached over to turn off the device that he was using, and the video ended abruptly. A new wave of tears hit your face as you laid your head on the desk and cried for the fifth or sixth time in the past few days. Your son came in the room and gently touched your shoulder. “It’s OK mama! Daddy’s going to be with us. He’s just going to be invisible.” he was quoting some thing that you had told him. When you had to break the news to John, you had told him that the angels up in heaven needed his daddy to help fight the battle up there because he was so good at his job. One day he would be able to meet his daddy up there as well. Now John had taken this to heart and there’s now quoting this in hopes to make you feel better. You carefully picked up your son and held him close to you. “ you know you’re the best against your father had ever giving me? When you were born, he had tears in his eyes and he was hugging you and kissing all over your face and just absolutely doting on you 24 seven. He told me how proud he was of you. He told me how proud he was of me. Those were good times.” Your son gently hold you tight in his own little arms. “ it’s OK mama will make it out together.” You could almost feel a kiss on your forehead as if…. As if your husband was leaning over to comfort you.

[bookished]

( a collection of starters. adjust phrasing as necessary.) feel free to make edits to better suit your muse, but please don’t edit or add on to the original post 💛 if you like, please consider supporting me through tips

The old, leather-bound journal was found hidden under the floorboards of the abandoned mansion. Its pages contained cryptic messages and a map that seemed to lead to something of great value—or danger.

In a world where the stars can be plucked from the sky and turned into powerful talismans, a young orphan discovers a constellation that has never been seen before. It points to a destiny that could change the fate of the entire realm.

During the height of the Renaissance, a young artist discovers a hidden chamber in the heart of Florence. Inside, she finds sketches of inventions far beyond her time and a letter addressed to her, written centuries ago.

Two strangers meet on a delayed train during a snowstorm on Christmas Eve. As they share stories to pass the time, they realize they have more in common than they ever imagined—and that fate might have brought them together for a reason.

In a small, isolated village, people start to vanish without a trace. The only clue left behind is a symbol carved into the doors of their homes, a mark that matches ancient legends of a vengeful spirit.

In a future where emotions are controlled by the government, a young woman discovers an underground movement that aims to restore true feelings to humanity. She must decide whether to join them or stay in the safety of her regulated life.

Every night, a small café in the city transforms into a magical place where time stands still and dreams come to life. Only a select few know about its existence, and one day, an ordinary person stumbles upon it by accident.

A high school student finds an old camera at a garage sale. When they develop the photos, they see glimpses of the future. Now, they must navigate high school life while trying to change events they know are coming.

"I don't believe in coincidences, especially not ones involving missing people."

"You mean to tell me you've never seen a dragon before? Where have you been living, under a rock?"

"The prophecy spoke of a hero, but I never imagined it would be someone like you."

"This isn't just a piece of space debris; it's a message."

"Our planet was destroyed. We're the last survivors, and we need your help."

"Do you really believe the king will pardon us if we find the lost treasure?"

"She's a woman in a man's world, but she'll change history, mark my words."

"I didn't come here to fall in love; I came to find myself."

"Every letter I wrote to you, I wrote with my heart in my hand."

"That house has been abandoned for years. Why would anyone go inside willingly?"

"The shadows in this place…they move when you're not looking."

"There's a map, but it's missing the most crucial part—the key to decoding it."

"I've been to the highest mountain and the deepest sea, but I've never seen anything like this."

"Freedom is an illusion they sold us to keep us compliant."

"We've been living in a lie. It's time we uncover the truth."

"Every night at midnight, the old clock shop comes alive. Haven't you ever noticed?"

"They say the forest spirits grant wishes, but only to those who ask with pure intentions."

"I found this old diary in the attic, and it’s like it’s talking directly to me."

[lupinmoonlight]

Amortentia

Summary - It is February and Professor Lupin decides to bring an Amortentia potion to the class to lighten up the mood. One of his students, Y/N, starts describing a very familiar scent. 

Note - Please note that when writing such scenarios, I always assume that the students involved are young adults (university age, i.e., 20+). I might write a part two to this! Send me some Prof Lupin prompts if you have ideas, I would love to write them! 

Part two  Part three

~

The Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom was transformed into a sea of pink and red decorations as it was the month of Valentine’s Day. The classroom was awash with the warm glow of flickering candles that were scattered across the room, casting dancing shadows on the walls. 

As the students settled into their seats for the class to begin, they felt a sense o excitement and curiosity in the air. Professor Remus Lupin, a helpless romantic, wanted to lighten the mood and do something fun for his students in in this stressful time of the year. He entered the room, dressed in a worn cloak that draped gracefully around him like a second skin. He carried with him a flask of Amortentia potion, the most powerful love potion in existence.

“Today we’ll be exploring the effects of Amortentia,” he began, his voice low and soothing, a glimpse of playfulness in his eyes. “This potion is a complex blend of ingredients that are tailored to each individual’s preferences. It’s a potion that can make anyone fall in love with you.”

The students leaned forward, eager to see the potion up close. As Professor Lupin carefully passed the flask around the room, the students breathed the scent, feeling an otherworldly warmth enveloping them. 

As the flask came to Y/N, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The scent was intoxicating, like a bouquet of wildflowers mixed with a hint of freshly brewed tea. It was dizzying. 

“Care to share with the class what your Amortentia smells like, Miss Y/L/N?” Professor Lupin asked, suddenly pulling her out of the trance the potion put her in.

Trying to regain her composure, Y/N focuses on the scent once more. “It smells like...fresh parchment, wildflowers, and...chocolate?” she said, her voice filled with wonder. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized what she was describing, feeling a mix of emotions flooding through her. 

She looks up at Professor Lupin, her face flushed. His gaze already on her. There is a moment of silence between the two, as if they could read each other’s minds. “Very good, thank you Miss Y/L/N. That will be enough for today’s lesson,” he said, quickly wrapping up the class. 

As the students filed out of the classroom, Professor Lupin lingered, watching as the last of them disappeared down the corridor. He was still reeling from the experience of having his scent identified by one of his students. 

“Excuse me, Y/N,” he said softly, motioning her to stay behind. 

Y/N turned back, surprised, and hesitated before walking back to the professor’s desk. 

“I simply wanted to talk to you about the scent you described earlier. It sounded...familiar. Out of curiosity, would you mind trying again?” he asks, his voice low and measured. 

Y/N hesitated for a moment before reaching out to take the flask, unscrewing the lid and inhaling deeply. Her eyes closed as Professor Lupin watched her, a small smile played at the corner of his lips. 

“Tell me what smells you identify,” he asks softly. 

“It smells like...old books and parchment,” she murmured, her voice almost dreamy. 

Lupin leaned closer, his breath hot against her cheek. “And what else?”

She opened her eyes, gazing into his. “It smells like...pine trees, and a hint of...chocolate.” 

He moved even closer, his hand reaching up to take the flask from her hands. “Anything else?” he whispered. 

Her heart raced as she took in his scent - warm and musky, with a hint of sandalwood. She felt a shiver run down her spine as she met his gaze once more. 

“It smells like you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Without another word, he leaned in and kissed her - softly at first, then with increasing urgency. Their bodies pressed together, the scent of amortentia filling their senses as they surrendered to their forbidden desires. The feeling of being completely consumed by each other took over. His hands began to wander over her body, an overwhelming wave of possessiveness washing over him. He wanted her just to himself, he wanted to claim her as his. 

The aroma of amortentia became secondary, his hands were everywhere, tracing the curves of her hips, sliding up her back, tangling in her hair and pulling softly. Y/N couldn’t help but let out a moan as he pressed her up against a bookshelf, his lips finding hers once more. 

Their tongues met in a fierce embrace, and she felt her knees go weak as he wrapped one of his hands around her neck, his other arm firmly keeping her close to his body. The scent of the potion was all around them, but it was his touch that she craved more than anything.

As he finally pulled apart, breathless and shaking, they both knew this moment could never be spoken of again. For a moment, they simply stood there, gazing into each other’s eyes, the only sound of the soft hum of magic in the air. 

“I will see you next class.” Lupin spoke softly. 

“Yes, Professor,” Y/N replied, making Lupin’s heart skip a beat. Those words. So innocent, yet so sinful. He wanted nothing more than to hear her moan them desperately in his ears as he...

[stephsageek]

Another!

An excerpt from a random chapter of "Much Longer than Six Years, Five Months and Seven Days."

“I’ll be back late,” she bit out tightly before slamming the door behind her.

Lila stomped towards the black sedan parked outside their home, her movements clipped and angry. She yanked open the passenger door and sat down with a huff.

Beside her, in the driver’s seat, Five’s eyebrows climbed towards his hairline. He was still wearing his work clothes, beside his jacket. The only sign that he was relaxed was his loosened tie, something that was rather ruined by the fact that he still wore a shoulder holster and gun.

He was only an intern at the CIA, and he still insisted on having a consealed/carry permit, the paranoid old codger.

In the backseat, there were random boxes filled with files and exam books.

“So, we’re slamming doors now?” He quipped as he checked his mirrors before he pulled out into the night.

“I can’t believe the bloody nerve of that man!” Lila fumed; her hands were balled into fists. She made a spastic, jerking movement with her entire body, kicking the dashboard in rage and flailing her fists.

“Whoa! Whoa! Easy!” Five tried, before pulling back off the road before she caused some kind of accident.

He pulled into a more deserted part of the neighborhood. Lila assumed he was wisely hoping to avoid the cops getting called on them over some sort of domestic dispute while Lila raged.

“What the hell happened?” he wondered aloud, looking annoyed.

“What always happens! It’s the same thing! Over and over! It’s driving me barking!” Lila hissed through gritted teeth.

Five sighed, rubbing his forehead.

It had taken remarkably little time for his brother and Lila’s honeymoon period to wear off. Inside the first year, they were already fighting. Lila regularly complained to Five about it. She simply didn't know who else to talk to about it. She wasn't close to the others the way she was with Allison and Five, and Allison was having issues of her own.

“Did you and Dolly ever fight?” Lila sighed, glancing over, looking miserable.

Five smiled ruefully. “Like cats and dogs sometimes. But…” he sighed. “It’s not the same. Delores worried about me; tried to make sure I took care of myself. You and Diego…” Five’s mouth twisted. His stiff body language telegraphed how uncomfortable he was with this conversation.

Lila was somewhat surprised. Five usually loved engaging in shit-talk. It was probably the fact that it was 'emotional mushy' shit-talk.

“…Were…were you ever sorry you got married?” Lila asked in a voice too small to be her own.

Five gave her an unreadable look.

“Lila, I never once regretted a single instant with Delores. She was a wonderful woman. But again, you and Diego are completely different. Dolly and I were the last two things that even resembled people after the world ended.”

Lila pouted. “If Diego and I were the last two people on the planet, we'd strangle each other.”

Five barked a sudden laugh, shaking his head as he smiled.

“Of that I have no doubt.”

Lila threw her head back, resting it against the headrest, her eyes squeezed shut. She sighed before sitting back up, clapping her hands together.

“This isn’t about me,” she declared, louder than necessary and with excessive cheer. She turned to Five, “It’s about you, baby boy! Sixty-four years old! Just like the Beatles song!”

Five smirked shaking his head with a fond look of exasperation on his young face.

Although Lila admitted, it no longer looked so young.

Five was now physically eighteen years old. His features were a young man's now, all chiseled jaw, and stubble. His hair was a bit pouncy, but it suited him, she supposed. It was strange seeing him grow up. She used to see the old man first, then the boy when she used to look at him.

Now, all she saw was Five.

He had worked hard to get to where he was, and she couldn’t help but be secretly proud of the little turd.

They had both had to forge some documents to start their life in this new reset universe.

Both, technically never having existed here. Viktor had tried to get him to go to regular school but that had been a disaster.

Luther had taken him to take his GED and then Five had set about writing papers to land a scholarship.

No one wanted Daddy Reggie involved.

Five had to grin and bear as much college as he could stand before he graduated extremely early with a PhD. in Physics. Now he was interning at the CIA. His reasons were still unclear to Lila.

“Okay, I know we said no presents; but what can I say? I’m a giver!” Lila dug around in her purse for a moment before retrieving a ceramic mug with the words, ‘Professional Asshole,’ printed on one side.

“A giver of headaches,” Five muttered as he grinned down at the gift.

“Oh, pish-posh! If you didn’t like me, you would have told me to piss off like you did the rest of your siblings,” Lila waved away breezily.

“I didn’t tell them to ‘piss off.’ Only Viktor remembered to call—” Five frowned as he continued to stare at his lap.

“We have the same bloody birthday, and I’m the only one to bug you to come out on it?!” Lila squawked in annoyance.

“Technically, our birthday was a week ago—”

“Minor details! I had to go today because I had already told Diego I was going to book club—”

“—you told him this was book club?” Five grinned. “Why didn’t you just tell him you were going to badger me for a night?”

Lila huffed crossing her arms. “He says a gun range and a strip club are no places for a mother.”

“Has he met you before?”

“Thank you!” Lila agreed, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: Last Place

37. ISRAEL Eden Golan - "Hurricane" 5th place

Decade Ranking: 150/153 [Above Noa Kirel, below Roxen]

Where do we start?

Let's begin, perhaps by stating the obvious. Israel's participation in this year ruined the contest. You encounter an entrant or two that completely warp the meta around them at every contest, but never to an extent this cataclysmic. Every sour note of this contest, and there were plenty, sprouted from the decision to allow Israel into the year. That was the tipping point. I believe that makes "Hurricane" the worst entry of all times in terms of the sheer negative impact its presence had on the edition it parttook in.

The ESC discourse -on asocial media- completely revolved around the conflict in Palestine either to denounce the war crimes perpetrated by the Israeli goverment and the subsequent silencing of critical voices calling it out, or to make a stand against the Poor Young Girl who was unfairly maligned by radicalized leftists for a conflict she had no hand in.

So was it any surprise that Israel won every Western televote? Be honest. I know that the Twitter manchildren claim Israel cheated, but they are in denial. The televote was genuine. The scalpel slices both ways, sadly. For every heckler booing Eden or protesting for Palestine or announcing a Eurovision boycot or lecturing the general public to not vote for Israel, a sympathy vote for her arises because "Aw She Doesn't Deserve So Much Negativity, Poor Thing". That she willingly chose to rep israel at THIS time with THAT song is blissfully ignored. Eden Golan is not a child. She's fully accountable for the effects that her participation caused, and is perfectly a-OK with it.

So, wake the fuck up. The sympathizing nutcases were OPENLY mobilizing to vote for Israel without even watching a second of the contest, to prove a point against you know, "insane leftist wokery" or whatever they call it. "You can't make me think what you want or do what you want, TAKE THAT". It's the same principle that led to Brexit and Trump beating Clinton. Similarly, they attempted to hijack the results like a particularly nasty species of asian hornet because their 'Freedom of Speech' is more important to them than fair results in an entertainment show, or a potential genocide. Or maybe they were just indoctrinated. A smaller sample size due to boycots + 20 votes per crazed zionist, it's honestly a miracle Croatia STILL beat them in the TV overall.

In other words, pretty much every opinion about Eden revolved around the politics that accompanied the flag she flew under.

And I'm sorry, but Eurovision is not supposed to be about Israel. Why should THAT country get more attention, or even preferential treatment in this otherwise excellent line-up? That's not what it should be about.

It is THEM who it should be about:

None of these artists asked to be a part of this shambolic display. So in that sense, let's do something many have FAILED. Let's do what we're supposed to dp: Discuss the SONG, outside of context.

Frankly, there's remarkably little to say. Even without the context, "Hurricane" would have been bottom of the barrel for me regardless? It's a mediocre sappy ballad aimed to Make People Cry. We see such ballads pop up all the time in NFs (most recently Krick in Luxembourg and Noble in Portugal), where -more often than not- their sucktitude catches up with them and manifests a loss.

I've seen people be outraged that Norway's jury gave it points but I mean, look at any recent scandi NF and tell me a Hurricane wouldn't fit within its ranks. It's Undo, What if, A Monster Like Me, all the tacky soulless ballads with poor narratives preying on the soft-hearted and the guillible with cheap emotional manip. "Hurricane"was cut from the same dementor-esque, sympathy-craving cloth. Call me old fashioned, but I was taught that sympathy requires a modicum of respect, which needs to be earned, not begged for like a dog's dinner. (I hope the Europapa fans are reading this because this also applies to him, and that ghastly outro). If your song was written with the idea in mind of pinkwashing the deaths of a few thousand children, then perhaps you may have not fully earned the benefit of the doubt, jussaying.~

In terms of performance, Eden was vocally good, at least. It's her voice that carries it although i don't find her particularly likeable as a lead. Then again, she is a Russian nepo brat whose family emigrated to Israel after the Ukrainian war so that her daddy to secure his financial assets and the Golans could continue their lavish, privileged lifestyle in a safer country. It was always a challenge, so to say, to consider Eden Golan a likeable individual.

Also what is UP with the choreography? Why do the dancers look like they are loading air rifles? A Choice, to say the least.

So all in all, a pretty weak entry that always would have been in my bottom 3 for any country, but that probably had a ceiling of lower top 10 in a normal, generic year of ESC.

However, this was NOT a generic ESC. There's NO imagining "Hurricane" without its context which makes it so, SO much worse. It was specifically written in support of the Israeli victims in the war (why go through that trouble and not simply withdraw and spend the participation fee on providing for the families of the hostages? Isn't that more effective charity? But hey, what do I know.) There is no "depoliticizing", no matter how often you retcon the lyrics into gibberish. Hurricane's intentions are present in its rhythm, its instrumentation, the keys in which it is sung. The notion that you can separate it from its context is absurd.

And yet, that is precisely what the EBU were hoping for when they allowed it in, and it exploded into their face like a firework. I can't say they didn't deserve it. Ultimately, the full blame for all of this rests with them. If a certain entity threatens the integrity of your being, you get rid of the threat. You don't passively sit back crossing your fingers they leave at their own volition. The Israeli's would understand the reasons for exclusion, surely, as they've been applying the exact same principles to the Gaza Strip since mid October.

The EBU allowed them in, officially to prove Eurovision wasn't political and United By Music (in reality because they're cowards and didn't want to be the first organization to ban Israel from an international event, and be branded antisemites as a result). The result was the most politically charged and divisive contest of all time, rife with incidents that were as avoidable as they were outrageous. It couldn't have been further away from "apolitical unity" if it tried.

Hurricane was NEVER worth the price of admission. All the controversy, the security risks, the boycots, the antisemitism and xenophobia, the censorship, the harrassment of other delegations (which the Israeli delegation EAGERLY participated in) and of course the Israeli embassies in participating countries OPENLY advocating to vote for Israel as "a signal". Even the tensions that led to Joost's dubious DQ which I doubt would have happened at any other contest. This could all have been foreseen and avoided by excluding the country that clearly would have brought the contest into disrepute. Eurovision is now on life support. Congratulations EBU. You KILLED your own contest.

It briefly looked like Israel could win (leave to RAI to be woefully incompetent and blasé), which would have been the final nail in Eurovision's coffin but then they magically lost the televote (thank you SO much Eastern Europe, you are SO real for this) and stranded themselves in 5th place. Instead of being the Worst Winner of All Time, Israel are merely a mediocre also-ran, which I can live with. It makes "Hurricane"' marginally less appalling than "Unicorn" and "I.M" for me. Let their fifth place serve as a grim reminder for future editions that Hatred Breeds Hatred, and also, thankfully, that Love Can indeed Prevail.

THE RANKING

[marvel-ousmondays]

Iron Man (2008)

As mentioned in last post, when I went to Iron Man I literally had no idea that such a superhero existed. (I thought Sherlock Holmes with RDJ came out first but apparently not so I had essentially no knowledge of the actor either.) My friends and I decided to spend the day out at the nearest town big enough to have a book store, craft stores, and a Target, as well as a Drive-In movie theater. I was now a college student and enjoying the freedom of no curfew, rebel that I was. I'm pretty sure the movie prior to Iron Man was the Narnia: Prince Caspian movie. I mention this because I hated that movie. It bastardized the book something awful and after the first movie was so faithful an adaptation, this was incredibly disappointing. However, this meant I was doubly primed to appreciate the awesomeness that Iron Man ended up being. I've watched it a few times since then, but usually as background to something else. I decided for this challenge I did REALLY want to watch the movies/shows. No other distractions- just it. I can take breaks (it took me 3 days to finish Iron Man due to various constraints last week) but when I'm watching, I'm JUST watching.

Here were my takeaways this time

The differences in Terrence Howard's Rhodey and Cheadle's Rhodey are always a bit mind boggling and part of what makes Iron Man feel really different from the later films. We're also just starting MCU so while they aren't LACKING budget, it's not the level it would be later. This doesn't hurt the movie at all for the record, if anything I think it meant the story had to be more well-developed and the actors better.

But this first film has a seriousness and a somberness that most of the other films only flirt with (notable exception being Infinity War of course).

The scene where Tony goes back to help Gulmira, Yinsen's home, and we see the 13 year old boy screaming and crying as his father is pried away from their family, the soldiers clearly planning to execute him and all the other grown men. The young boy tears himself away from his mother to his father, determined to keep him, to save him. His father, begging his son to go, so that he will live even though he knows- he KNOWS he will not. This moment of utter terror made personal just before Tony shows up is incredible and all the more so when put into historical context. The U.S. was still in Afghanistan and Iraq at this time and it was easy for citizens here to paint everyone in those areas with the same brush. But in this moment you CAN'T. You HAVE to see the family ripped apart right alongside the terrorists and be forced to realize that race, ethnicity, language don't make terrible people- actions do.

A common criticism of Marvel movies is they don't let a moment sit- that they always break a serious moment with a joke. But this one doesn't do that. There are multiple heavy moments- after Yinsen's death for one and when Pepper nearly quits (because she can't watch Tony self-sabotage and possibly die) and he tells her:

"I shouldn't be alive... unless it was for a reason. I'm not crazy, Pepper. I just finally know what I have to do. And I know in my heart that it's right."

This moment sits between them so clearly, so starkly and it is not ended with a joke, but with Pepper grabbing the flashdrive and asking what to do. (Thinking back, I'm wondering how many of those MCU "broken" moments are by Tony. He's the one uncomfortable with emotion. Him breaking those moments with humor is actually 100% in character. Something to pay attention to as I watch.)

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, some of the key themes of this movie just strike to the heart.

Death from a distance is easy to ignore or even be complicit in, but death up close rips us apart. Tony sold weapons that he knew took lives for years but it wasn't until he watched Yinsen die that I think he really understands what that means. Yes, his parents had died before but he wasn't THERE, he didn't SEE it. This death, this is the one that makes him really know what it means.

You don't have to change everything to be a better person. Tony is still self-centered. He still likes attention. He's still arrogant and as we will see next movie, open to playing the field as Pepper and him haven't committed. But not only has he stopped being complicit in the deaths of the innocent, he's taken on the mantle of protecting them.

Lastly, who the good guys are is largely a matter of perspective. This obviously gets hit harder again in Ultron (oh that glorious train wreck- I'm looking forward to writing about you), but it matters here. Tony was fine manufacturing weapons because he assumed he was supporting the "good guys", the 'Muricans. But not only was Obadiah dirty dealing, he is forced to learn the good guys aren't always as discriminatory with their weapon use as they purport to be. That it's easy to start painting with broad brushstrokes in areas where precision is actually called for.

Overall I'm really glad I PAID attention to this one this round. The grittiness and the depth really hit the way they did the first time or even more so. Onward to The Incredible Hulk, even though it's only semi-canon now.

Note for me:

Directed by: Jon Favreau