#so HOPEFULLY i am okay and it’s just not eating + dehydration

[zerger33]

Just Another Day

The day after Manaphy is taken to be cared for in the ocean, Leo is trying his best to move on.

Sharpedo Bluff was quiet as Leo slowly rose from sleep. He shifted onto his side, listening to the quiet bluff. He heard Violet moving around quietly, the sounds of something cooking on the small stove they had, the fire quietly crackling inside. He lifted his head groggily, sniffing at the air, smelling the scent of cooking pecha berries, immediately recognizing that the scent was pancakes she was making.

“Good morning, Leo,” Violet said, the Vulpix turning to look at him as he shifted to his feet.

“Good morning, Vi.” He said, looking at her before turning to where Manaphy usually sat. “And goo- oh… right.” He stared at the empty spot, the lack of a bed. He had nearly managed to forget yesterday when they sent Manaphy off. He had almost been hoping that it had been a nightmare. “I nearly forgot… The little guy’s really gone.”

Violet was quiet for a minute, thinking through her words as she psychically flipped the food. “It’s for the best. Walrein will be good to them. It’s all for their own benefit.” She said, keeping her focus on the food.

“Yeah. I know it was.” Leo said, tucking his head between his forelegs. He stared at the ground, tears forming in his eyes. Violet watched him sink to the floor. She removed the pancake from the pan, placing it on Leo’s plate. She stepped over to him as she spoke.

“Hey, Leo, it’s okay. We’ll get to see him again. Some day soon, hopefully.” Violet placed the plates on the table before stepping over to Leo. “It is sad, though. I understand. Still, we need to keep moving busy day of work ahead of us.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before making her way back to the table.

Leo got up, stepping over to the small wooden table. It was low, clearly meant for Pokemon like them so they could sit on the floor or a cushion while eating. He settled himself, biting at the berry-filled bread. It tasted good like always, but as much as he wanted to have that pick him up, he still felt slow and tired. His water just made him want to start crying again, finally fixing the dehydration from last night.

He looked across the table at Violet, who was chomping away at her food quickly. She glanced at him looking at her and smiled before returning to her food. She was taking it all so well. Shockingly well. Leo looked down at his plate as he spoke.

“Do you not miss him?”

“Hm? Well, of course, I do. I was crying with you about it last night, wasn’t I?”

Had she been? Now that he thought about she was, but he had been so taken up in his own emotions he hadn’t noticed.

“Oh right… I forgot.” He lied

“Are you okay? You look like you are about to start weeping again.”

Leo didn’t know what to say. “Yeah… Yeah, I might be.” He felt tears start to flow from his eyes. “I just… I messed up so badly. I didn’t even think about how selfish we were being, keeping him away from his home.”

Violet looked at him, concern rising. “Leo, we weren’t selfish. We had no idea that would happen.”

“But I should have known! I was the one reading up on Manaphy as a species. I can’t believe I missed that. I’m such a failure.” Leo said.

Violet quickly got up and walked over to him. “Hey, you are not a failure! Don’t talk like that.”

“But I am! I could have prevented that! I could have stopped him from getting sick! I caused the problem!”

“Leo!” Violet raised her voice, getting his attention. She held his head with psychic so he was looking at her. “You had no idea he would get that sick. Even when he did, who was the first one to go running to save him? Who was the one who did most of the teaching? Who was the one who he actually called Dad? It was you, Leo. You did your best. Better than anyone could have asked. You just weren’t ready. You need to give yourself some credit.”

Leo looked at Violet teary-eyed. As soon as she let go of his head, he started crying again, pressing his face against her chest. Violet held him there with a paw. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s not gonna be the end of the world if you mess up. You’re okay. I’ll be right here with you.”

“Please don’t leave as well, Vi! I can't keep losing people!” Leo cried. He let all the tears he had been trying to hold in as Manaphy left. All the tears from when they were sick. Even some tears left over that he hadn’t cried for Violet. It all came pouring out.

It took him a couple minutes, but as he slowed down, he looked up at Violet. “Do… Do you think we can stay home today? I don’t want to upset Chatot by taking any more days for a break, but I can’t go back just yet.”

Violet nodded. “Of course. I’ll tell Chatot we can’t work today, and if he doesn’t like it, then that’s too bad. He’ll just have to accept it.” She knew Chatot wouldn’t be upset. He would understand, but even so, Leo needed that break.

The two spent the rest of the day at home together. Leo talking through and processing it all, Violet comforting and cuddling him, and after some time, the two just found a nice distraction. No matter what they did, though, they did it together, like they always would.

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[pbandjesse]

I feel slightly better today. Still fragile. My tummy feels a little off. But I am not as horrible as I was yesterday. I am mostly just tired and dehydrated. But it just doesn't feel like I can get enough water.

I slept okay last night. Had a weird dream where I had a baby with a shrunken head named Scotty and James accidently gave him away. It was a whole thing and was pretty distressing. I would text James and they apologized for their dream representative. And I felt a little better.

I got up and dressed and felt cute. I love this little jumpsuit. And this is my favorite big shirt. I would have breakfast. James made a loaf of bread and asked me to move that to the microwave for safe keeping. Which is where they left my breakfast. Much appreciated.

I would eat. Which was a slight struggle but I knew if I didn't eat I would feel worse. So I ate. And had my glass of milk. And would leave for work.

It was such a lovely temperature outside. It's going to go back to the 90s next week. But the last few days has been just the perfect temperature. Like a little peak at fall.

And it made my hikes way easier. But that was a couple hours away.

When I got to camp I would spend a little time organizing and cleaning out the car. Why I always have a million things in the car drives me nuts but also I can't help myself. Everything becomes a doom box. But I at least did some organizing and got rid of trash. I need to organize the center console and the glove box still but I was glad it was mostly better. James promises to clean the whole inside of the car if all the camp dirt soon. Which will be really nice because it's gross in there. Honestly I would love to get the car detailed but I know that's expensive and I will end up trashing it again because my life is very dirty!! So maybe we'll just go to a car wash place and vacuum it real good.

When I got inside Elizabeth and Sarah were in there. We chatted for a bit. And I got on my laptop to work on reorganizing my Native American field trip stuff. I wanted to take out a few duplicate mistakes and stream line everything, including the schedule, so it will be easier to send out to schools. Hopefully Elizabeth can just send the folder so it isn't all on me, which lead to a lot of mistakes and confusion but also a lot of schools can't receive attachments so having it as a link should help us out. I spent most of the next hour and a half editing and working on that.

And then it was basically time to head home to get my group. I would sit in the art building for a little bit to charge my phone and get my walkie. And then I was off.

I had girl groups today. Younger girls first and then older girls. And it was a pretty nice hike. The girls would squabble a bit until I spoke strongly to them. Keep your hands to yourself, if they are always touching you why are you purposely standing next to them??? Make better choices.

We would see a deer and a chipmunk. It was a good animal day. We also found bugs and worms and frogs. Even saw a salamander. I think they enjoyed slowing down and looking and searching. I enjoyed their questions and observations.

I got them back to their cabin and said goodbye. I had really enjoyed their chaperone and her questions too. And I told them I hoped they have fun and learned something and they said they had. And I told them to have a good rest of the day.

I would go back down to the office. I had my leftover chipotle chips and queso. Which was excellent. I also had a fruit roll up and Elizabeth thought that was great and we talked about the gummy snacks we liked as kids. I remembered that I used to put the tongue tattoos on my hand and tell my friends that it was a snack for later. Which is so silly.

I would have some interesting conversations about some changes and pauses for programing this fall. About where the horses are going for the winter. And I let Elizabeth know I would like to help with maiden choice and other rentals. We also went over my September schedule. I am going to try to commute to Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday and possibly Fridays. There are a few of those days I already know I don't be available but there will be Mondays I will be. We are being flexible.

My afternoon groups didn't go poorly. But it did start really late. Like 20 minutes late. I was early but the girls were struggling to get themselves together. But it was fine. I let their chaperone know I could just cut stuff and would have them back on time. And I did exactly that. Got them back at exactly 245. I'm the best.

The one chaperone seemed annoyed with me when I wouldn't go back for the other who had stopped at the bathroom without telling me. I would have stopped and waited with the group but I'm not stopping our hike, going all the way back, and walking up a hill. Isn't going to happen. I had the girls engaged at the stream, you can just come down the hill. And eventually she did but they were acting like I was being outrageous but I'm not stopping and searching for an adult. You can follow instructions.

It was a nice hike though and I was having fun explaining plants and bugs and telling stories. They were funny asking when we would be done. And when I said this was the end of my two hours of hiking they were like. What!! It was real silly.

I dropped them off and walked to the office. Checked in about tomorrow. Tomorrow we're going through lost and found and I'm going to work on the NAFT supplies. It'll be a busy day.

I was starting to not feel amazing. But I had to muster as much strength as I could to go to peeps and get my steamer trunk. The first half of the walk wasn't so bad, but the second half I was dying. But I got it to the car without throwing up. I was just huffing really hard.

I gave myself a minute to catch my breath. Changed my shoes. Drank some water. And headed home.

When I got back here I was just so happy to be back. Me and James had plans to go get pizza and go to the organic market. And so I was just waiting for my love to come home.

I did my nails. I haven't painted them in forever but they have all grown weird. Flat and misshapen. And I thought maybe if I cleaned them up and painted them it would make them a little stronger and a more normal shape. It mostly worked.

I would also cut sweetp's nails. Who was very sweet letting me hold him and only cried a little but never wiggled. He's a good boy.

James would come home soon. And after they changed their shirt we were off.

We went to the Rotunda. We would go to mod pizza. James got the "mad dog" and I got a cheese with ricotta and hot honey. The woman making the pizza did not know what ricotta was which was very funny. But the pizza was really good, and the company was better.

I have been finding looking at my phone to much has been giving me motion sickness. I was glad that we were just being very present with each other.

We would go to the organic supermarket next. No luck finding vegan shrimp but we got vegan fish fillets. It seems that the company doesn't make the shrimp anymore which is pretty disappointing. I'll have to find a new brand. I did get vegan pepperoni though which is always a fun treat. James would also get vanilla extract for a really good price.

I was starting to not feel amazing. And so we headed home. I would get into jammies and lay down. James would play a new game of Monster of the Week (similar to DND) with their friends. They are hoping it will be a 6 month campaign. I am glad they have friends to play with.

I would eventually take an Epsom salt bath. And it helped me feel a little better but my stomach just feels fragile. I am just sipping beverages and trying to be hydrated. Thankfully water doesn't taste so bad anymore. But it is still tough for some reason.

James is done their game now. And I am just really tired.

I hope tomorrow is really productive. And I can just get through my tasks and have fun. I hope you all have a good day. Sleep well. I love you all. Goodnight!

[apollo3-1-5]

guys pray for me that i didn’t get covid from mcr boston

[fantabulisticity]

Sooooooo I think I have a stress illness, lmao

Went to work for an hour and was having stomach cramps (worse than the ones I've had for the last week), dizziness, and faintness, and I'm exhausted and can't think or function super well. And half an hour later it was still bad (worse, actually). I was having to take really deep breaths just walking around the store because I kept feeling faint. So I told my manager my symptoms and she let me go home (luckily we're fully staffed today so it isn't a big deal. I genuinely don't think I could have gotten through a 7.5-hour day without throwing up or falling over or both, lmao). On the drive home, I was having difficulty driving (partially because turning my head makes me dizzy and faint), but luckily it's only a mile from work to my house. I am now lying in bed with 30 ounces of water sitting next to me, and I drank a cup of water right when I got home. Hopefully I feel better later. 🤞

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of Med: Season 1: Glad I Didn’t Make it that Far (A Halstead brothers + Halstead sister! imagine)

Trigger warning: Talk of eating disorders

As always, I do not own any quotes from Chicago Med 1x04 that show up here!

Your age: 14

Jay's age: 28

Will's age: 30

"We should go to a movie," your best friend Emma suggested when you were sitting on the playground of Central Chicago's elementary school one summer day.

You had been coming here since it was pretty close to your house to be able to read without worrying that your dad would show up drunk. He wasn't violent, he was just rude, asking why there was no food and when you explained it was because he wasn't going shopping, he'd scoff and tell you to get a job if you wanted to eat. It wasn't your fault; you'd tried to get a job, but no one would hire you because you were only fourteen. Most places required that you be at least sixteen and the occasional place would let you start at fifteen, but only with very limited hours. And, the places that let you start at fifteen were too far away for you to walk to. You'd have to take the El...and that would turn out badly if Will and Jay found out, even though your dad wouldn't care in the slightest.

"Em, I don't have any money. I'm literally rationing out my feminine products at this point."

"Hey, just tell me if you need any. Me or my mom can get you some. Oh, and some neighbors of mine run a little kettle corn company. They're looking for some extra help on the weekends and they'll pay you under the table. I can give you their number if you want."

"Really?" Emma smiled and nodded. "Yes, please! And, you're the best."

But, what you didn't tell her was that you hadn't eaten since yesterday since there was barely anything in your house and that your cramps were killing you and because of all this, you were feeling nauseous.

"Let's go to the movies. My treat."

"I can't let you pay for me."

"Yes, you can. Best friends help each other out. Now c'mon, let's go." You sighed and closed your eyes as you stood up. "You good?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just dizzy."

"You wanna go home?"

"No, no I'm fine. Just seasonal allergies from all the pollen," you lied.

"Okay, let's go."

You started to slow down as you got closer to the movie theater. "I'm so excited to see The Longest Ride!" Emma squealed. "Scott Eastwood is just mwah!"

"Yeah, but he's- he's a lot-- I gotta, I gotta sit down," you stuttered, starting to feel more lightheaded and seeing your vision become blurry at the edges.

"Okay, let's get to the front where you can sit on the curb."

You slowly started to make your way there, but it was too late. "Em- Emma," you slurred as you tried to reach for her as your legs gave out underneath you, and then everything went black.

"Y/N!" Emma yelled as she squatted down next to you and pulled out her phone.

Just then, everyone started running out of the theater shouting something about a shooting.

***

Will's pager went off as he was eating with Natalie and the rest of the team from a taco truck outside of Chicago Med. And, everyone else's pagers were going off, too, making it sound like alarm clocks that were all set for the same time. Then, Maggie ran outside.

"Shooting in a movie theater! Mass casualties! It's about to get crazy!" she yelled to the doctors and other nurses. "EMTs are four minutes out!"

Not even a second after she finished her sentence, an ambulance pulled up with lights flashing and sirens blaring.

"Check that!" Will yelled as he threw his food in the trash can. "They're here!"

Then, all of them sprinted into the hospital, their main focus now being saving as many lives as possible.

"Another maniac gone crazy in a theater," Will said as he put something over his scrubs to keep them from getting blood all over them. "Is this the world we live in?"

***

You slowly opened your eyes to be met with the white ceiling and an IV in your arm. You groaned. "Where am I?" you asked as you rolled over to see Emma sitting on a bench. "Are we in an ambulance?"

"You don't remember?" Emma asked.

"You passed out, sweetie," a female paramedic told you as she put a blood pressure cuff around your arm. "Luckily for you, we came pretty quick after hearing about the shooting."

"The shooting? There was a shooting?"

"In the movie theater," the paramedic answered you. "You were lucky you didn't go in."

"Guess so."

Your eyes widened as you realized they were probably taking you to Chicago Med. You couldn't let your brother know that the most likely reason for you passing out was that you hadn't eaten since yesterday. They'd freak out.

"Am I good to go when we get to the hospital? I feel fine." You were still nauseous, but that was better than being passed out.

"You passed out, we need to get you checked out at the hospital."

"But I feel fine," you protested.

"I understand that, sweetie. But you need to get checked out anyway to make sure that there wasn't something that made you pass out other than the heat."

"She's right, Y/N," Emma said. "You need to get checked out."

You huffed. "Fine." Maybe Will would be too busy to even notice you were there. And, you figured your dad wouldn't pick up his phone, so you could just sneak out undetected when the doctors and nurses weren't watching.

When you got in, you were met by Natalie. "Y/N?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

"It's nothing. I just passed out. I'm fine, really."

"Shoot," Emma said. "My mom's here to pick me up. Said she doesn't want me here because of all the press since I'm not hurt. I'm sorry."

You waved your hand. "It's fine. Hopefully, I'll be getting out here soon, too. See you later."

"Bye, Y/N."

"If you passed out, you're not fine, Y/N," Natalie said.

As you were wheeled past a trauma room, you saw your brother. Luckily for you, he was too focused on his patient that he didn't notice.

"Want me to get Will?" Natalie asked when she saw you glance in there.

"No! I mean, he looks really busy and I'm not dying. They should be the first priority."

"Okay, well I'll have Maggie call your dad because after all the standard tests, if I need to do more, I'm going to need your dad's permission since you're still a minor."

"Okay."

"Hey, Maggie," Natalie called, "Do me a favor and call Y/N's dad for me. I just might need permission to run some additional tests."

"You got it."

You got on the bed in the treatment room and allowed Natalie to listen to your heart and lungs. "Were you part of the crush?" she asked. "Did you get the wind knocked out of you? Is that why you passed out?"

"No, I got dizzy before we could get inside. I felt nauseous, too, but I think that was just from period cramps."

"The paramedics said you were dehydrated and that they had to administer an IV. Have you been eating and drinking properly? I know it's hot and that can cause you to pass out. Other than that factor, have you been eating and drinking normally?"

"Yes," you lied.

"Okay, I'm just going to need to get your height and weight and other vitals before we continue."

You nodded and followed her to where she took your height and weight. She wrote it down and you started to walk out, but she stopped you. "Uh, Y/N, come with me."

You followed her to the doctor's lounge where she handed you her sweatshirt. "Why are you giving me this?"

"You bled through your shorts. There's free pads and tampons in the bathroom if you don't have any on you."

You nodded. "Thank you."

"Meet me back here once you're finished."

"Okay."

When you got into the bathroom, you took all the pads and tampons you could fit in your shorts pockets after you had finished changing your dirty one.

Now, it was time for your great escape. No one would see you; they were all too busy treating other patients and worrying about the press.

You were almost out into the waiting room, but then a voice stopped you.

"Y/N?"

Shit. Jay.

You stopped in your tracks but then continued walking.

"Y/N, I know you heard me. Come back."

You sighed and turned around, hoping you wouldn't have to spill all the secrets about what's been happening at home.

***

"Poor guy," Erin said as she and Jay exited Sharon Goodwin's office. "He thought what he was going was right."

"I probably would've done the same thing if I were in his shoes," Jay agreed. "I mean, if I thought I saw a guy with an AR-15 in a movie theater and then thought the shots from the movie were coming from the gun, I sure as hell would've acted. Not that my service weapon can shoot bullets off as much as my sniper, but I'd try. Try and save civilians."

"Jay." Erin placed a hand on his arm. "You're not in Afghanistan anymore."

"I know. There's just some sick and twisted people in this world. Why would someone go into a theater with a leaf blower anyway? With all the mass shootings that have happened, that's probably the stupidest idea I've heard."

"I agree with you. But he's just a kid. He didn't ask to get shot. But, if I were in that teacher's shoes, I'd probably do the same thing and draw my gun."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows as he saw someone walking towards the exit of the ED and towards the waiting room. She had shorts and a t-shirt on with a burgundy sweatshirt tied around her waist. Jay wouldn't have given it a second thought, but he knew you had the same gray beat-up Converse because he had gotten them for you for a birthday present two years ago and you always wore the same polka dot scrunchie when you needed your hair to be in a bun and needed it to be tight.

"Is that?..." Erin trailed off.

"I think so," Jay answered, quickening his pace to catch up with you before you got out of the ED and he lost sight of you due to the number of people in the waiting room. "Y/N!" he yelled.

The girl he thought was you froze for a split second and then continued walking, this time at a faster pace. That was all the confirmation he needed. "Y/N, I know you heard me. Come back."

You sighed and turned around.

"I was going to tell you," you mumbled once you were in front of him.

He scoffed and crossed his arms across his chest. "Yeah? And when were you planning on calling Dad? You know you're a minor so a parent needs to be notified."

"Y/N!" Natalie yelled. "I thought you left, I was so close to getting security to look for you. We couldn't get a hold of your dad and were going to call Jay since he's your secondary emergency contact, but he's here now, so if both of you could follow me then that'd be great."

"You got it from here, Erin?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, text me if you need me to pick you up and bring you back to the district."

"Will do. Don't let Voight bust my balls because I skipped out."

"I'll tell him Y/N had a medical emergency. He'll understand."

"Thanks."

You, Natalie, and Jay walked back into the treatment room where Natalie had been previously treating you.

"First of all, let me just say it was not a medical emergency," you told your brother.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you here?" he asked.

"I was feeling nauseous."

"And you came to the ED just because of some nausea?" He raised an eyebrow. He so knew you were lying.

Meanwhile, Will was walking out of a trauma room after Rhodes brought a victim up to surgery.

"Hey. You hear?" Reese asked as she walked up to the doctor. "The kid at the theater, the one who got shot, he didn't have a gun, he had a leaf blower."

"What?" Will asked, stunned. He had worked on that kid and knew that it wasn't good.

"Yeah, turns out it was some kind of prank." She was about to turn around to leave, but then stopped. "Oh, and your sister's here. Treatment one."

"What? Why?"

"I think she passed out or something. Dr. Manning's in there with her right now."

"Thanks, Reese."

Will barged into your treatment room. "So, she comes into the ED and nobody has the common decency to even notify me?" he asked rhetorically.

"You were busy treating other patients, Will. I was going to get around to it eventually," Natalie said.

"Natalie, please just finish explaining what happened. Or just start from the beginning because Will's here now," Jay suggested, not wanting to have to break up an argument between the two doctors.

Now it was Will who was the one who crossed his arms over his chest.

"So, Will, what happened was that Y/N passed out. She was almost inside the movie theater, but she passed out, so she didn't go in."

"The movie theater where the shooting happened?" Jay asked. You nodded. "Jesus, kid, if you would've gotten inside, you would've given both me and Will heart attacks."

"Sorry. But, I'm glad I didn't get that far."

"Yeah, us too," Will agreed. "So, why'd she pass out?"

"Can I talk to you two for a minute? Outside?"

They nodded. "Be right back," Jay told you.

"So, what's going on?" Jay asked once the three were safely outside of the room and out of earshot from you.

"Have you noticed anything strange with her eating habits lately? Any skipping meals? Going to the bathroom right after meals? Not wanting to eat?" Natalie asked the two brothers.

"No, nothing," Jay answered. "Granted, we don't eat with her a lot because she lives with our dad and we both live on our own."

"Okay, because since her physical check-up a month and a half ago, Y/N's lost fifteen pounds."

"Fifteen?" Will asked, flabbergasted.

"I thought she looked smaller, but I just thought I was hallucinating from lack of sleep because of all the crazy cases we've had," Jay said.

"No, she's lost fifteen pounds since her last check-up," Dr. Manning reiterated.

"So, what are you saying?" Will asked. "Our sister's anorexic? Bulimic?"

"I'm not saying any of those yet. But, I talked to Dr. Charles while Y/N was in the bathroom and she said to try and have her eat something, like the greasiest thing you can find in the cafeteria, and see what she does. We'll even leave the room after to chat and I'll have Maggie keep an eye on the bathrooms to see if she goes in there. If she refuses to eat or freaks out over it, then we might be dealing with anorexia. If she goes into the bathroom after, we might be dealing with bulimia. Or, it could be a combination of the two or just possibly her trying to lose weight. Has she ever mentioned wanting to lose weight to either of you?"

"No, not all," Jay answered. "Even when we went out after her last day of school, which I think was about two weeks after she had that physical, she ate a ton and she didn't go to the bathroom right after."

"But you did go home right after," Will pointed out.

"Yeah."

"But, with some bulimics, if they know that the food has already been digested, they won't try to purge. And, it sounds like the food had time to digest."

"Alright, I'll go grab her a bacon cheeseburger."

"And a side of mac n cheese," Jay suggested. "She loves that stuff." Will started to walk out, but Jay stopped him once more. "Can you pick me up a bacon cheeseburger, too? I'm hungry."

Will rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but just so you know, you're paying me back."

"I know," Jay said and then went back inside the treatment room.

"Where's Will?" you asked.

"He's getting you some food. How does a bacon cheeseburger and mac n cheese sound?"

God, your mouth watered just at the thought of the bacon cheeseburger alone. The juicy patty, melty cheese, and crispy bacon, yum. And, you hadn't had a burger in who knows how long.

"That sounds amazing honestly," you answered.

"Okay, good because that's what Will's getting you." He paused. "Is everything okay with Dad? Everything good at home?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," you lied.

"Did someone tell you that you were fat at all?"

Shit, he knew I'd lost weight. "No," you answered. "I guess I'm not just mindlessly snacking when I'm doing homework anymore. It's not like I'm trying to lose weight."

No way were you going to tell him that there was rarely any food in the house, not here anyway.

"Okay, good," Jay answered. Then, he looked out of the room to see Will talking with Natalie. But, they were close enough that you could hear them, so you turned your attention to the two as well.

"Hey, Nat," Will said, carrying a bag with three cheeseburgers and a side of mac n cheese.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"I'm thinking, I only live a mile from you. So, when you go into labor, call me. I'll drive you here."

"Thanks, but...you know it could be three in the morning, right?"

"Sleep's overrated anyway."

Then, Will made his way back into your treatment room. "I wanna take you to the hospital," Jay mocked. "Very smooth, Will, very smooth."

"Will's got a crush, Will's got a crush," you said in a sing-song voice.

"Would you two knuckleheads keep it down? And no, I do not have a crush, I was just trying to be helpful."

Jay scoffed. "Yeah right. You totally have a crush on her, man. Now, give us the food and we won't say anything."

***

"Everything seem normal?" Natalie asked Will as Jay was still sitting with you after the three of you had finished your food.

"Yeah, she ate a little faster than normal, but we waited an hour and she didn't even get up to go to the bathroom, so I don't think that's the issue. She told Jay she wasn't trying to lose weight. She said she just wasn't mindlessly eating anymore when she was doing homework. But, I don't think that could make her lose fifteen pounds. Do you?"

"No. But unfortunately, given her height and age, she still has a normal BMI, so we can't do anything."

"Yeah, I get it. Me and Jay will keep an eye on her. It was around this time when our dad just kind of checked out on parenting us."

"What do you mean?"

"He wouldn't cook or really help us with anything. But, it was okay because our Mom was still around, so she'd cook and help us with things. He just thought we were old enough to deal with stuff on our own."

"Things that a teenager without another parent still needs help with."

"Exactly."

Jay poked his head out of the room. "Everything good? Y/N's asking when she can leave."

Will rolled his eyes. "Wonder where she gets that from."

"Shut up."

"I'll grab you the discharge papers," Natalie said and then walked to a nurse's station.

Just then, Will's pager went off. "I gotta go." He fished into the pocket of his scrubs. "You can take my car home and then just come pick me up from work and we can drive back to the district to get your truck. That way you don't have to bug Erin."

"Thanks, man. Go save some lives."

Natalie came back and handed him the discharge papers.

"Thanks, Nat. Me and Will will be sure to keep an eye on her, maybe have her over for dinner once or twice a week to monitor her eating habits."

"That's a good idea. Good luck with all this. Will told me that this was around the time that your dad clocked out on you, so maybe pay him a visit when Y/N's not there and check? I don't know if that's something you'd want to do or not."

Jay nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."

"No problem."

Jay signed the discharge papers and then walked back into the room. "Good news."

"We can leave?" you asked excitedly as you sat up.

"We can leave," he confirmed.

***

You got out of the car and stood on the stoop of your house, Jay right next to you. "Jay," you started, "I have to tell you something."

"Okay, what is it? You can tell me anything."

You opened your mouth to tell him that there was barely any food in the house and that your dad refused to buy you feminine hygiene products because, by his logic, if he had another son, he wouldn't need to buy them, so you should buy them yourself.

But then, the door opened, revealing your dad.

"I was just going to say thanks for staying with me at the hospital. I would've left if you didn't stop me."

"You're welcome."

"Care to tell me where you've been?" your dad asked.

You knew he was just putting on a show because Jay was there.

"I was at the park and then me and Emma were going to see a movie and then--" your phone buzzed, alerting you that you had a text message.

"I've got it from here, Y/N. Dad, can I come inside?"

Pat Halstead nodded and you walked inside followed by your brother. "I'm gonna go upstairs and change," you said.

As you walked past the kitchen, you noticed a bunch of grocery bags, all of them full. He must've gone grocery shopping. At least you didn't have to worry about food for the next few days. But, you didn't know if he just did that because he finally listened to his voice mails and heard that you were in the hospital and were worried that they were going to find out that he was an unfit parent or because he finally came to his senses and realized that he was still responsible for you because you were a minor, which meant he needed to have food in the house.

As you walked upstairs, you checked your phone. It was Emma's neighbor asking if you could start helping her with kettle corn this Saturday. You responded with a yes because now, if your dad went back to not buying groceries, at least you'd be able to buy some for yourself.

A/N: Sorry this one was so short! It's kind of just to foreshadow the next installment of this. And, in the next installment, I will probably combine Seasons of PD: Season 4 and Seasons of Med: Season 2 because the storylines kind of go together. Anyway, thank you for reading! Please reblog/like and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to the taglist, just tell me and I’ll be happy to add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e 

[deadlifts-and-deadlines]

Holy shit, this weekend did not go as planned. We were supposed to go boating and to a music festival… none of those things happened.

My husband got sick last week and was admitted to the hospital with acute kidney failure on Sunday. His doctors have stopped all his meds and are waiting to decide if they’re going to put him on dialysis. They have no idea what the fuck could have caused this. No idea what’s going to happen next. They’re just stumped. I am going to try and go to the hospital today to meet with them and talk about some of his family medical history, specifically with diabetes, and what his options are going forward.

Meanwhile, I’m having a Crohn’s flare up induced by tapering from 30 to 25mg of prednisone, so I have been completely useless since Saturday 🙃 My arms and legs shake/twitch uncontrollably and I am dehydrated as fuck - I can’t get rid of the headache I’ve had since Saturday morning and my pee looks like apple juice and smells awful. Hopefully I can get back in with the GI doctor today - they upped my prednisone for the week, but now they want to adjust my meds and find something else to put me on since I’m obviously not doing well on the lower doses and probably can’t finish my taper.

I think I’m holding up okay despite everything. I haven’t panicked or broken down yet. Honestly, the fact that I’m having a Crohn’s flare up right now is probably a blessing in disguise because every once of my energy right now is going towards trying to eat and drink, keeping Ender relatively happy, and researching the shit that’s going on with my husband and I.

[secretsandwriting]

Per usual I have the object permanence of a bee and forgot to send this in before I ate. Soooo....

Those prompts you rb'd, the two I find interesting / that I like / that caught my eye and I couldn't see anything else; "Caretaker desperately shaking whumpee awake, calling their name over and over" // " 'I knew it, you're sick.' 'Go away' "

If you want to write drabbles for one or both go for it!! I don't have any pairings in mind aside from the second one being Ry and Jason though made me just cackle thinking about it. (yes i think of mmudi away from tumblr, no I'm not okay /j)

No rush / force is applied to you to do anything!! Just missed sending you an ask/message ♡ - B

Fun fact, I already had the first prompt prewritten bc I wanted to so It's Dick and Y/n and kinda angsty but yeah.

Also, the ry and jason thing. Yeah. You're not wrong. Also you can tear the fact Jason Todd is clingy when sick from my cold dead hands. That man would be so fucking clingy when he's not feeling good.

------------------------------------------------

Patrol hadn’t been good and while you were fine, Dick was still worried. It was close to One am. Past the time he was normally able to fall asleep, something felt wrong. He had no idea what it was, or even why he was feeling the way he was.

So to hopefully tame his mind, he decided to check on you. Since everything had gone wrong and patrol ended later than normal, you had crashed at his place which made checking up on you easy.

The first red flag was when he knocked and there was no response. Due to training, you weren’t a heavy sleeper.

The second was the fact you didn’t move when the door opened.

The third was you didn’t respond when he called your name.

The fourth was the fact your breathing was labored.

The fifth was that the sheets looked a little too dark in some places.

That was all it took to have him instantly at your bedside, gently shaking you and calling your name repeatedly.

Nothing.

He checked to see if he could find where the blood was coming from but there was so much and his vision was blurry. Why was it blurry? He should be able to see just fine. The tears that started rolling down his cheeks didn’t even register as he desperately tried to get any sort of response from you.

Your phone ringing didn’t reach his ears as he desperately searched for the wound and tried to stop the bleeding.

He didn’t even notice Bruce in the room until he was being pulled away and paramedics were swarming you, he didn’t even notice the dark turquoise liquid staining his hands and clothes.

---------------------------------------------------------

“I knew it. You’re sick.”

“Go away.”

“I’ll get right on that when you get off my lap.” Jason just made himself more comfortable. “I do need to get up though. I have to get some fluids in you.”

“No.”

“Jason, you can use my lap as a pillow after I make sure you don’t die of dehydration. Besides, Won’t you be more comfortable in bed?” Nothing. “If you let me get up, and you drink and eat something. I’ll read to you.”

“Shakespear?”

“Anything you want.” After another moment of hesitation he finally moved out of her lap. “Thank you, now why don’t you go lay in bed while I make something.”

Jason did not in fact go to bed. Instead he sat on the kitchen floor until everything was done and only headed to bed when Ry went with him.

@whumpyourenemy

[numptypylon]

Epilogue

I added a short epilogue to Reunion and Intersection today, but I also wrote a much longer one, full of fluffy comfort, to get through the angst-writing in the first two chapters. It’s unedited, unfinished and ridiculously self-indulgent, and I don’t think it really goes with the story, so I elected to not post it, but I’m attaching it here, under the cut, for those interested. Keep in mind it’s a reject for a reason though; this is what my writing looks like in the explorative phase where I’m looking for the point, and in this case I didn’t really find it XD

~2K under the readmore

Callum got there early. A lot of people eyed him warily, but a letter from Queen Janai was a good smoother-of-grumpy-elf-tempers.

No-one had seen Rayla, so… she was probably not here yet.

He went to the inn, bought a large room, lit a roaring fire in there, activating the Sunfire rock he used to keep warm at night under the covers of the bed, and calling for the tub to be filled. It had the usual Skywing heating arrangement, only needing a good Fulminis to heat the water.

He resisted flying out to find her. He risked missing her again, and her leaving town before he got back.

It was about… hitting the point of intersection.

So, he waited at the city gates. He didn’t have to wait nearly as long as he expected, considering the distance she would have had to traverse. Maybe she had recovered and had travelled faster than he thought.

It was definitely her though. A small, lone figure on the mountainside.

He intended to wait for her until she got to him, but then she stopped to lean against a tree and he realized that she had not recovered and was up there sick in the snow… and that resolve evaporated like it had never been.

Like he would ever let her struggle alone a moment longer than she needed to.

 **

 It was a measure of her exhaustion that she didn’t notice him until he was basically right in front of her, and even then, her reaction was so much slower than usual.

It still… it was hard to believe it was real. For her too, surely more so.

He numbly pulled his scarf off, packing it around her neck and head. He grazed her cheek and felt it and she felt it and… she felt it, because the tears that had built up in her eyes spilled over at his touch, slipping down her dirty and flushed cheeks.

She looked ready to drop, and felt it too, when he put his arms around her and her disbelief gave way to relief. Whatever ridiculous level of stubbornness had kept her upright for the last day and night of walking through snow and up mountains when she should have been in bed… fell away and she slumped almost completely in his arms.

She sobbed hoarsely for a bit, and he let her.

And she let him, when his hand cupped the back of her head and her hair tickled his fingers and it hit him too that… it was really real, she was here.

They needed to… get to the inn though, so he pulled away and wiped his face. They could… and probably would… have a longer cry and a longer hug later. But she was sick and cold and there was a roaring fire and a filled bathtub two minutes of flight away.

“Let’s go,” he said. “I knew you were coming this way and that you were sick. And I booked a room for… you.” For them both, he hoped, but-

“What?” she blubbered. “But… aren’t… aren’t you mad?”

“I mean, of course I am, but… that’s not really… that can wait.”

“I’m…” she laughed weakly, more tears spilling over. “I’m so happy to see you and there’s… so many things I would like to say and… and I’m such a mess right now and so tired and I’m just… I’m so tired I cried earlier just because a stupid pine branch hit me in the face and knocked me off my sled and it continued down the mountain without me and I’d have to walk instead and-“

“Hey, hey!” He stroked down her flushed, wet cheeks, along fresh scratches where presumably that branch had hit her. Sledding, huh… she always was extremely resourceful and oh so daring. And that explained how she got here so fast. “Rayla, it’s okay. You can rest first. I’ll take care of things… of you. For as long as you want me to, but… definitely for the next few days.”

“How c-can you… are you… here-”

He leant his head against her forehead, relishing in the feeling of contact, even if her skin was clammy and too-hot. “That’s… complicated,” he said. “And also simple. You called me here. I came.”

“Manis. Pluma. Volantis.”

 **

 She staggered, when they set down, steadying herself on his shoulder, and Callum was glad he had elected to land in front of the inn instead of at the city gates.

She definitely wasn’t well yet, her breath rasping in her throat, her forehead beading with sweat, cheeks and ears flushed. The fever had maybe broken, but it hadn’t quite left. And she was exhausted, trembling with the effort of staying upright, her eyes dull and glassy.

People were staring, when they went inside, but the innkeeper came over and recommended the soup of the day, and their house-made herbal tea blend with Sky Yak milk, and assured them it would be brought to their room shortly, with a look of very obvious sympathy at Rayla.

And then the door shut behind them.

“I owe-” she started, but he cut her right off.

“No. You’re owed,” he said tightly.

“Owed what?” She sounded… nervous.

“Soup. Hot tea. A warm bed and a fire someone else made. General fussing. Love. Forgiveness. Kindness. A damn break, for once.”

“L-love?”

“Yeah, love.”

Her clumsy fingers fumbled at the clasps of her armor. They were still ice cold when he touched them, the skin red and no-doubt sore.

But she for once didn’t resist any help he gave, sinking gratefully into the tub he had prepared. A warm bath was possibly not great for her fever, but… it was pros and cons and he needed to warm up her hands and feet.

She was barely conscious when he helped her back out of the tub, so he just put her down on a towel on the bed, drying her hair as best he could. He at least managed to get her awake to pull off her own wet underwear and pull his clean night shirt over her head.

 **

 “Callum?” she asked, because… she wanted things, and she could have them. “Stay with me? Please.”

He pressed against her back, warm and real.

His hands engulfed hers, big and soft and familiar.

Full of real little details that her brain hadn’t accurately recreated.

The callus at the side of his right index finger, from his charcoal pencil. The scar from a clumsy sparring accident at the second knuckle.

His voice when he said her name and when he told her it was okay.

His kinda… snuffling non-snoring sleep-sound.

And new things, that she hadn’t known to add.

His arms, still skinny, but stronger than they had been.

His too-long hair flopping over his ears.

And things she had yet to find out.

 **

 “Morning-“ she muttered, as she woke, feeling warm. And her throat felt a lot better, too and most of that sticky, gross fever feeling was gone, although there was still some sluggish daze, everything just a bit vaguer and floatier than it should have been.

“Afternoon,” Callum corrected lightly, but there was something not so light underneath. “You slept for… 14 hours. I bet you’re hungry.”

“I bet… you were worried.” That was a long time to worry and not wake her to assuage it but just sit in it, watching her sleep.

She reached out to stroke his furrowed brow. Her hands were bandaged though, so she couldn’t touch him properly. She didn’t remember, but did recall something about Callum saying he had called a doctor, and then she must have conked out pretty hard and slept through it.

She clenched and released her hands experimentally. Seemed alright except for being stiff and sore?

“What’s wrong with me?” she asked, staring down at the thick bandages.

“Except for the illness that nearly killed you because you’re such a massive dummy? Lots of things.” He took her hands, starting to unwind the bandages. “For your hands, hopefully only frostnip. I’m supposed to check that, when you woke, take you back to the doctor if there’s signs of deeper frostbite.”

There was some thick ointment, probably the reason for the bandages. Her hands looked reddened, the fingers a bit swollen, but… not so bad. Nothing was white or black or blistered, so really, nothing to worry about, where frostbite was concerned.

Callum wasn’t satisfied with a visual inspection though, cupping her hands in his, methodically checking she could feel all her fingers and make a full fist.

“I think it’s okay,” he said, breathing out, relieved. He did tend to catastrophize- “No… no risk of amputation this time-” His fingers slid across her left wrist, the faint whitened scars from where the binding had dug into her skin and where the sunforge blade had burnt her.

“It’s definitely okay,” she said. “Barely hurts.” She cupped his face, feeling his skin just fine against her fingertips. “It’s not like back then, okay?”

“How do you feel today?”

“Better. Way better. I’m ready to go, if-”

“What?!” He stared at her in disbelief. “Absolutely not. You didn’t hear what the doctor said. But I did, she got here while you were sleeping. And absolutely not.”

“What-“ Was it not just a regular bug?

He breathed, slowly and deliberately. “You’re okay, it’s a regular winter infection going around. But you did a number on your own immune system with the hypothermia and mountain climbing and… she said you were undernourished, dehydrated, stressed and critically exhausted. And that you would do well to take a week or more to fully recover, during which you should eat and rest plenty, stay warm and keep stress down. Does that sound like your regular travel, to you?”

Well… not so much.

“So, I’ll ask again, how do you feel today?”

“Tired,” she sighed. “My hands are stiff and achy. My throat hurts. My legs are wobbly. My head feels full of snot.” She smiled, despite all that. “My heart is happy to see you. It’s okay if you’re- I know… that it’s complicated.”

“It is. We have… some things to talk about. Promise you won’t leave until we do?”

“I promise.”

“Okay. Then, I think we should put the complicated things away for a few days. Until you’re better and it doesn’t hurt your throat to talk. Because… we have a lot of talking to do.”

“You don’t… need to stay. For those few days. If it’s hurting you to-”

He sighed heavily. “It does.” Yeah, he couldn’t say that it didn’t. Being around her with so much… unresolved. She didn’t want that for him. She didn’t… want to have those long and hard conversations right now either, when she was still tired and fevered and liable to burst into tears at the slightest provocation. “But it would hurt me more to leave. Didn’t it hurt you? To leave?”

“Yeah.” So, so much.

He reached out to pack his scarf around her throat more closely, the soft, warm knit a soothing feeling against the raw ache.

“Lie down, okay? Be sick? I’ll read you a story. It has murder and dismemberment in it, I asked the innkeeper specifically.”

[blackwidow-bby]

Right Where I Want You ch.3 - Natasha Romanoff x Evil!Reader

Oof hey guys that follow with this series, I am so sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated and written anything. My brain is in a dump but I will be taking request soon to hopefully get some spark to continue writing!

Warnings: obsessive/red flag personalities, slight suggestive language, any others let me know

Taglist: @diaryoflife

———————————————————————

Natasha’s POV

It took a week for Natasha to finally get to a place where she felt safe and far away from you. The whole week, she spent thinking about you. What she had done and how she had missed very important information like you having powers. How did she miss the trap you had set her up in? It was Natasha that wanted you, how could she not see that you had done the exact same thing back to her. You were sneaky.

Your sneakiness from the abandoned den, meant that Natasha from this moment on would have to be on her toes. She’d be lying if she said the stunt you pulled back there didn’t make her want you even more. Her little baby had a dark side. Natasha felt a rush constantly thinking about how much you wanted her back, but a sour taste still remained on her tongue at being played so well by you.

Natasha would have been more okay with you wanting her had you simply allowed her to do everything she planned. Flipping the script like that on a professional and dangerous ex-assassin will certainly earn you a nice punishment, but Natasha needed to regroup. She needed to come up with something that would get you under her command. She wanted her shy, submissive little doll back. All she had hoped for to come from her plan was the perfect partner, who would do anything Nat had to say.

Natasha in all of her frustration, punched the tree closest to her. This meant it would take much longer to have you. She defeatedly meandered into one of the few save houses she knew she could go to. Running for a week to put as much distance between where she was left her caked in old sweat and dust. Her hair that had been tied in a ponytail, had been neglected. She needed a shower and some rest immediately.

Natasha placed all of her belongings she ran away with (which wasn’t much), on the small dining room table near the kitchen. Her sore legs and feet dragged her along on autopilot to the only main bathroom in the small shack. The dehydration, hunger, and sleep she missed out on was finally starting to catch up to her. She slowly with half closed eyes, peeled away her suit and rubbed at her own muscles as she removed her clothing. She reached up wincing at the feeling of her arms as she tried to let her hair down to fall at her shoulders.

She moseyed to the shower and turned on the shower head as hot as she could stand. The water did wonders to relax her aching muscles making a mental note to never go so long without another bath. She leaned forward on the wall and just allowed the water to run over her. The dirt and grime falling down her body in trails toward the drain. She let her eyes close for a second.

“What am I going to do now”

———

Y/n’s POV

This is the second time you awoke with a pounding in your head and made a mental note to stop letting this happen to you. You could feel your muscles spasm in your arms, stomach, and legs from the electric pulses of Natasha’s widow bites. Sure it wasn’t enough to kill you but god, did they hurt. You groaned out loud and slapped the ground. Immediately you beat yourself up for your guard falling on Natasha. You’d have her if you mentally focused on controlling your powers more and less on what you would have done after. It was just so easy to get caught up in her features.

Time to get up, you thought. It took about 5 minutes walking around the dark room until you found a door. Once you made your way outside, you looked back at the building she had taken you. The building was just small enough to not be seen amongst the the woods it sat. You’d really have yo come looking for it to know it was here.

Your brain felt like mush from the prior events but you did make note that it was dark outside still. You weren’t passed out for long, which made you feel better about finding Natasha again. There was a tiny open widow when it came to your powers, that left a tiny pull on whoever you used them on last. You maintained a good grip on Natasha during your altercation which hopefully was enough to follow the full for a while. Unfortunately unlike some inhumans with telekinetic powers, you aren’t able to levitate for long, meaning the majority of you trip will be spent by foot.

C’mon princess, you said to yourself, let’s put those years of camping to good use.

——

After 5 days on Natasha’s trail, your frustration had grown more. You could still feel the faint vibrations of your powers emanate off of Natasha but without actually seeing her, you had no clue how far she could really be. You doubt you could sleep in another conveniently unlocked car. The pure obsession with having Natasha and the need to find her soon really clouded your judgment. You’d never be in this situation under any other circumstances. 5 days without a shower? 5 days eating cheap crappy food? 5 days in old unchanged clothes?

What in the entire fuck had gotten into you. If you didn’t find her soon, the pull your powers have will completely dissipate soon. The rational part of your brain had shut down with your over powering need to find her. To have her in your arms, body trembling under your—ugh. You were growing angrier by the second. Both at yourself and you current predicament.

She’ll see just how much you want her yet…

——

1 1/2 days later

You had no clue how long you’ve been walking in the woods. The last pull you got from Natasha was at the tree line of a forest you have no clue where it’s located. You followed blindly the whole way.

Tears were falling down you face in anger. You came all this way for this woman who had enchanted your every thought process. Had the audacity to knock you out to trap you inside some crappy shed. Sent you on a wild goose chase unprepared. Your feet hurt, your body hurt, god forbid she pass more gas stations on her trek. But now the pull you felt completely diminished. You. Were. Livid. She’d pay for getting you lost. The only thing you could think was to walk straight forward making no curves or turns at any point. Hopefully you’ll find something.

Your knees quaked under your weight. Your eyes and hands had that slight glow of gold around them. Your emotions were getting to you big time. You just wanted to find her and hold her and scold her for making you come all this way. You walked and walked until things started looking hopeless. It was so dark outside. You had been doing this for days and finally the results looked bleak. More tears fell. You were clenching your jaw to try and keep the sobs you wanted to release at bay. You had failed and ultimately it looked like it was going to result in your death.

You kept forward until something in the distance came into view. A small orange light among the black blue darkness of the forest. It might not be what you want but maybe it will get you back home, food, a shower, something. With the last bit of strength and adrenaline left, you jogged closer to the light. It was getting bigger and brighter and closer. Fisting your hands to hold back the anger the previously was eating away at you. People won’t help you if you’re mean to them y/n.

You had stumbled so many times. The rush of getting to this cabin that was being inhabited had sparked a new amount of determination. You would live to plot capturing Natasha another day. Natasha. That saucy minx. There she goes inhabiting your mind again. She always did. Ever since you started seeing her on the news. Something about her just made you body tingle with admiration. You truly just couldn’t stay away from her could you? No matter, once you find her again, you’ll make her cry the very same way you did during your journey. Desperately and in defeat.

Your feet came to a halt once you reached the steps of the porch. It was another small cabin, similar to the building Natasha had brought you to but more homely and cozy. You peaked through the window that the light was coming from. It showed a quaint little kitchen completely open with a dining table and what must be a “living room”. Although a living room should have more furniture than a futon.

Other than the light in the home, this place looked uninhabited. Maybe they left the door unlocked. Walking silently to the door you reached to try the handle. Normally you’d have a million and one things to say about just entering a strangers home but you were desperate. At this point you’d be happy with a gun in your face if it meant they’d let you bathe first.

The handle turned….

It’s unlocked…

You carefully made your way inside the house. “Hello?” You called out “I seem to be lost, is someone home?” Not a single physical answer except the sound of…a shower.

——

Natasha’s POV

Natasha doesn’t know how long she had her eyes closed but judging by the pruning of her fingers, she had been there for a while. Funny how she managed to fall into a sleep while being in such a slippery place. No matter, time to get washed up now. She reached for the almost full bottle of shampoo that was left and barely used do you the exclusivity of this little safe house. Normally she’d rather have a more neutral smelling shampoo other than peach. It always seemed so childish and carefree to indulge in such strong feminine scents to her. It almost made her feel guilty to have a favorite smell when she spent a majority of her life killing people for a job and now getting down and dirty to right every wrong she’s ever made in the past. Maybe she shouldn’t have captured you.

Her ministrations halted at that thought. She stared blankly ahead under the water as the soap rinsed down out of her hair. Her lip quivered and her eyes slowly began to water. She really messed up. Her quick obsession had caused her to capture a secret inhuman woman to coax her into being Natasha’s ultimate sweet submissive little kitten. It had all backfired. She could have had it all along had she been upfront. You liked her back. That wasn’t something Natasha half expected. You were just as obsessed with her as she was with you. Shaking her of her thoughts, she scrambled back to getting clean. That’ll have to wait till tomorrow.

Nat had just moved on to scraping her body of all the disgust she accumulated over the week. As she was about to turn the shower off she heard a noise that made her entire body turn ghost white…

Hello?

It was you.

I seem to be lost, is someone home?

Oh no…

————————————————————————

[piplupod]

absolutely did not eat dinner bc i was stuck on bathroom floor for just under six hours and i might be a bit dehydrated tomorrow (tho tbh i think I'll be fine on that front) but i have finally made it into bed bc i feel a little less awful shfjdl tho im still worried but,,, gotta sleep at some point, i usually sleep and hour or two earlier than this lol

so i am,,, mostly okay and hopefully I'll be alright tomorrow dbfhdkl, gnight yall :') 💗

[pretchatta]

prompt: holiday

dave said it's my turn to write a moons of rion fic

rating: teen; kanan jarrus/hera syndulla; 2.4k words

---

The Outer Rim planet of Rion was a tropical paradise. Beaches, bars and breathtaking views covered its surface, and the sight of the planet in the forward viewport made Kanan sigh with longing. So close, and yet so far.

It felt like he and Hera had been working non-stop for the past year. Between keeping the Ghost in fuel, the galley stocked, and working other (less well-paid, but Hera would argue more important) jobs, Kanan would like nothing more than to spend a few hours relaxing somewhere – anywhere – with Hera. They were something now; more than simply captain and crew, but exactly what that was Kanan hadn’t had time to find out.

He wouldn’t any time soon, either. This mission wasn’t even taking them to Rion itself, but to one of its moons. A quick pickup and then they’d fly straight back to Lothal to deliver it, get paid, and then move onto the next job.

Kanan sighed. “Remind me what the cargo is for this one?”

“I don’t know,” Hera replied absently as she steered the Ghost in an orbital path around Rion. Their destination appeared from behind the planet, the oceanic moon a deep blue colour dotted with small green-and-white islands. Just beyond it, its populated twin was also visible. “Vizago paid extra for discretion, but he didn’t offer me the dangerous goods fee, so I assume it’s at least safe.”

Kanan grimaced. “We’re relying on the integrity of a smuggler. I feel so reassured.”

“We need the credits, love. We’ve barely got enough fuel to make this delivery.” Hera gave the fuel gauge a worried look as the Ghost entered the moon’s atmosphere and they began their descent. Below them, taking up most of one of the smaller islands, Kanan could see a landing platform growing larger.

Hera touched the Ghost down with barely a bump. Had Kanan not realised months ago that his days of drifting were behind him, he knew he would find it very difficult to return to his old lifestyle. There were several comforts that came from crewing on the Ghost, the smooth landings being just one.

“Alright, let’s load up and get going.” Hera hit the ramp controls and led the way out of the cockpit.

Spaceport was a generous term for what greeted them outside. The battered landing platform was barely large enough for two ships, even though it took up most of the solid ground on the island, and the only permanent structure was a dilapidated single-storey hut. It looked like it was cobbled together from scrap, with the exception of the shiny solar panels stretched over the roof and the comm dish mounted haphazardly on one wall.

There were no windows, but the front door stuttered open as Kanan and Hera emerged from the Ghost. An ancient-looking prototype droid emerged, hobbling out towards them with slow, fitful steps.

“Welcome to landing site R-M2-S04,” it called out to them. Its mechanical voice was decidedly tinny. “I am C0-R4, the overseer droid for this location. Thank you for leaving your transponder on. Your ship has been identified as the Ghost.”

Droid-supervised transactions weren’t uncommon in their line of work. The handoffs were usually in remote locations like this one, and it was much cheaper to leave a droid to wait around than an organic being.

“We’re here to pick up Vizago’s shipment,” Hera told the droid.

“That is correct.” C0-R4 gave a jerky nod. “Your cargo will arrive in two days.”

“What?” Hera exclaimed. “Two days! We were told to come today, and that this job was time-critical!”

“Cikatro Vizago apologises for the unavoidable delay, but he understands that you have a fast ship.”

Hera glared at the droid, though Kanan knew her ire was in fact directed at their unreliable employer. “And what exactly are we supposed to do for the next two days?”

“I am not programmed for leisure itinerary planning,” it replied in its monotone. “I will be in low power mode until the shipment arrives. Good day.”

With that, the protocol droid turned and hobbled back into its hut. Hera stared after it in disbelief. Kanan, meanwhile, felt hope blooming in his chest.

“I know you’d rather get on with the job,” he said slowly, trying to keep his voice neutral, “but given our fuel situation, it looks like we’re staying in this system for the next two days. And since Rion’s right there…”

She turned to him with one eyebrow raised. His face must have shown more than he realised, because her eyes softened with sympathy.

“Kanan, I’d love to spend a few days on Rion with you, but we don’t have enough fuel to get there,” she said apologetically. “We barely have enough to take off and make it back to Lothal.”

Kanan was not deterred. “Okay, what about the Phantom? It has a separate fuel tank – we could take it to one of the resorts, stay for a few days and be back in time for the pickup.”

Hera shook her head. “I should probably siphon the Phantom’s fuel into the Ghost. We’re going to need it if we want the extra speed to make Vizago’s deadline.”

Kanan sighed. The captain's decision was final. “Fine. I guess we’re sitting here for two days eating stale rations. Hopefully the Ghost’s water purifier can handle the seawater.”

“Wait, rations? Don’t we have enough food?”

“We might have a couple dehydrated meal packs, but I was going to stock up when we got back to Lothal.”

Hera frowned. “I guess this is going to be a long two days.”

“It doesn’t have to be…” Kanan’s mind was racing as a new idea formed in his head. “Could you leave just enough fuel in the Phantom to make one trip to the other moon? It’s populated, and it’ll take less fuel to take off from because of the lower gravity. And right now it’s closer than Rion itself. I still have a few credits – not enough for fuel, but we could pick up some supplies, and then spend the next two days just relaxing here. It’s not exactly a luxury resort getaway, but it’s better than nothing.”

Hera looked unconvinced. “I don’t know…”

“Come on, Hera, we’ll still be able to make the delivery,” he pleaded. “And this way we can enjoy a few days of downtime! We’ve got nothing else to do, and it’s not like we’re going to get any trouble from the Empire out here.”

He could see her resolve wavering, and then–

“Okay, fine.”

Kanan resisted the urge to punch the air as she turned to walk back up the Ghost’s ramp.

“Chopper,” she called up to the cockpit, “work out the best course to the other moon, and be nice to the navicomputer this time! Then I want you to initiate a fuel transfer from the Phantom to the Ghost. Leave enough to make the trip to the other moon, Kanan and I will be going on a supply run when we get back.”

The old astromech blatted a question back at her from somewhere above them. Hera looked back at Kanan.

“We’re going for a walk,” she replied. “You’d hate it, you’d just get sand in your joints.”

Chopper made a rude noise, which Hera ignored.

“A romantic stroll along the beach, huh?” Kanan said, putting an arm around her waist.

“If we’re doing this, I should at least try to relax, and it seems like a good start.” Her arms snaked over his shoulders and around his neck, allowing him to pull her closer. Their noses brushed, lips an inch apart, but Kanan turned his head at the last moment to kiss her cheek instead.

“In that case…” he murmured against her earcone, and then dropped to his knees in front of her and gently lifted one of her knees. Hera complied, allowing him to raise her foot and slip her boot off it.

“You’re overdressed,” he continued. “Unlike Chopper, we can enjoy the feeling of sand between our toes.”

He finished removing her other boot, and looked up to see her smiling fondly down at him. He quickly shed his own boots, leaving both pairs just inside the cargo hold, and as an afterthought added his gloves. Hera did the same, allowing Kanan to take her bare hand and lead them back outside.

The beach was only a few steps away, and they strolled leisurely over the sun-warmed sand towards the brilliant blue water. Above, the odd fluffy white cloud floated in the teal-blue sky as the late afternoon sun shone down on the island. A faint breeze blew in from the sea, cooling the air and bringing with it the smell of salt.

Kanan ran his thumb over the back of Hera’s hand as a sense of calmness washed through him. Hera was right; the walk was a great idea. The sand was soft under his feet and with every step he could feel his body relaxing.

They stopped at the water’s edge, letting the waves lap at their toes. The water wasn’t exactly warm, but neither was it cold. They stood there for a few moments in comfortable silence, enjoying the tranquility.

Hera bumped her shoulder against Kanan’s. “Thank you,” she said. “I don’t think I would have let myself have a break if I’d been on my own, but… I needed this.”

He raised his eyebrows in mock astonishment. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “You were right, dear.”

He smirked, and then leaned down to kiss her. She rose onto her toes to meet him. As with every time their lips met, Kanan felt a jolt of electricity through his stomach; he didn’t think he’d ever get used to kissing Hera Syndulla.

They resumed their walk, following the coastline. Doing a full circuit of the island wouldn’t take long. As far as Kanan could tell, there was no wildlife on this moon, but the lapping of the waves and the slide of their feet over the sand made for a perfect soundtrack.

“So, do you have anything in particular you want to pick up on this supply run?” Hera asked him.

“I thought we could get some fancy caf,” he replied, “y’know, since we're on holiday. And then something simple to eat that we could have on the beach.”

“That sounds good to me.”

He turned to give her a look. “We may be on a budget, but I like to eat out.”

She only managed to keep a straight face for a few seconds before laughing.

They were distracted from further conversation by a wide rock formation on the far side of the landing platform. Several meters tall at its highest point, it looked like it was made up of numerous pillars of dark stone, jutting upwards out of the ground and ending in flat, irregular shapes. The lower ones around the edge held small pools of water from the last high tide, but they were taller towards the middle and beyond a certain point the tops were smooth and dry. The beach continued around the edge, the sand stretching between the rocks and the sea, but the Ghost and the overseer droid’s hut were hidden from view.

They approached the rocks with interest. Kanan was only half-aware of Hera’s hand slipping out of his as he went to examine one of the rockpools and so didn't notice the mischievous look that had come over her face. By the time he realised she was no longer beside him, she had already removed the outer layer of her flight suit and folded neatly atop one of the dry pillars. He could only watch, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, as she quickly and methodically worked on the rest of her clothing.

Hera carefully added her cap and goggles to the pile she had formed and then looked up at him. His heart beat faster at the sight of so much bare green skin. With a coy smile, she held his gaze as she slipped her underwear off and let it join the rest of her clothes.

“Fancy a swim?”

She didn’t wait for an answer; Kanan wasn’t sure he was capable of giving one. She turned and ran over the beach, lekku streaming behind her, splashing into the water until it was up to her neck.

She turned back to him and yelled “Well? Are you coming?”

It was enough to jolt him out of his shock. He’d left his armour behind today, so his shirt came off easily. The rest of his clothes followed in a somewhat messier pile than Hera’s, but creases weren’t on the forefront of his mind at that moment.

Kanan took off at a sprint towards the sea. When he was about halfway to the water he leapt, giving himself an extra push that made it higher and further than a leap any ordinary human should have been able to make. Tucking his knees into his chest in mid-air, he hit the surface with a splash, sending a wall of water over Hera. The cool water enveloped his body with swirls of white and blue. He kicked at the sandy sea bed to surface next to Hera, who was sputtering in protest.

Kanan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

“You did invite me in,” he reminded her. His sodden hair was slicked back against his head and water dripped from the end of his nose. Further droplets ran over Hera's bare head and down her lekku, adding to the patterns already there.

“I didn’t ask for a tsu–”

He cut off her complaints with a wet kiss. She relaxed in his arms a second later, though he knew he had’t gotten away with it; she’d be planning her payback for later. He smiled against her lips and felt her mouth curve upwards in response. It really had been too long since they’d been able to just let go like this, to enjoy their time together and not have any pressing worries or responsibilities.

The kiss deepened, and Hera’s legs wound around his waist. Whoever's idea this had been, he thought to himself, it was definitely a good one.

[pbandjesse]

I'm very sleepy but I'm very glad that I had a very productive day. I wish I wasn't as exhausted as I was for most of the day. But that is okay. I am in bed now and soon I will be asleep.

Today was good. I slept okay last night. I just didn't get enough sleep. So when I woke up at 7:00 I could not function. I got dressed and tried my best not to be snappy. But I definitely felt a little on edge. James had taken everything downstairs but I asked them to hold my knitting for me so I could hold the bag and the extra stuffed animal I was bringing. And we drove over to the museum.

We stopped to get breakfast and thankfully the Marathon haven't started yet. So while it would be an issue later it didn't really affect us getting into work.

Mostly throughout the entire market I was just very tired. I wasn't as engaged as I could be and I don't know. I was just struggling a little bit. And kept telling me I could go home if I wanted but I wanted to stay till 1:00 because that's what I'm supposed to do. It's not fair if I leave if everyone else has to stay. I shouldn't get special treatment. Even if I am special!

I did make a few sales but I really could have done better. One of the other issues is that because of the marathon people weren't able to drive in so mostly people were just walking. So it was really just the people directly from the neighborhood. And I sold a few things and I had some really nice conversations but I definitely was not as animated as I normally am. I mostly just worked on my knitting and I caught up so I'm all done up till today. So that felt good. We also bought a whole lot of baked goods. Ginny has all of her fall flavors out right now and they are just incredible. We got this apple coffee cake and I got a pumpkin whoopie pie. For sure going to be getting those again.

I really was just looking forward to going home. I only want the museum wants to use the bathroom and say hi to james. And then at the end of the market I packed everything up and said goodbye. James was tired too and both of us had to work tonight. So my only goal was to go home and go to sleep.

When I walked in the house I saw that someone was in the office apartment so I knocked and Tina was there. And I had her come in and look at the counters that are broken. She said that Will will come on Tuesday. And that the reason he hadn't come before was because he was missing a tool or apart we weren't sure. But I will make sure that the kitchen is cleaned for them and hopefully they will be fixed quickly. Or maybe replaced who knows.

I got back in here and changed and washed my face and put on a whole bunch of lotion because my skin felt very dehydrated and dry. I got in bed and pretty much fell asleep right away. I slept until my alarm went off at 4:30. And James was just finishing cleaning themselves up from their bike ride home. And so we basically just swapped places and they got in bed. I went to get dressed again and gave him a couple hugs before I was off. I had had a snack but I didn't eat lunch or dinner. It was not a good plan. Mistakes were for sure made.

I had great time at the museum though. It was a second wedding for a couple that got married last year. This was the Indian wedding and I think the other one was the American wedding. It was beautiful and everyone was in big colors and it was lovely. And I had a really good time hanging out with kristen. She was really sweet and I had a really good time talking to her. We both kind of have similar internet backgrounds and so we're able to talk about stuff that I can't always talk to other people about. Lot of things about dog whistles and politics and weird internet humor that we both touch on. So it was just a really fun conversation. We also just kind of gossiped about this upcoming weekend the museum and how we're going to have all the educators there for a round table discussion and cleaning and stuff. I'm excited to get back into all of my museum things. It's going to be really nice.

I was in the garment loft and honestly almost no one came in. I had some really nice talks about history and how much I love and care about history and antique things with a guest but mostly I just kind of cleaned and organized. I moved a bunch of stuff around that I felt could be displayed better and folded fabric. I also found an entire box of Taylor's chalk. Which has been such an annoying thing that has gotten broken and lost so it was very exciting. And I was just having a nice time. I was tired and hungry but I wasn't miserable. I held it together pretty well. Until it was time to go home.

Me and Kristen sat at the front desk until we were relieved of our duty. We locked up the doors to the galleries and then headed out. I thought I would stop and try to get Chipotle but they had no food left even though they were open for almost two more hours. So that was very obnoxious. And I started getting very upset mostly just cuz my stomach hurt. James said that they would pick me something up but they're not going to be home until almost 10:00 and I was not going to wait that long. So I just came home.

And had given us a loaf of bread from one of the market Sellers and so I ate some of that while I waited for my taquitos to heat up in the microwave. And I feel a lot better now that I've eaten something.

I had a little bit of cheesecake that I got from Ginny. It's raspberry swirl. And then I took a shower and wash my hair. I am now in bed waiting for James to come home. And I'm really looking forward to not having to go to work for the next couple days. I have nothing to do tomorrow and my plan is to clean and organize and start packing my bags for next weekend. I pretty much have everything picked out already but I want to make sure I have it all available and clean. And there's just a bunch of stuff on the ground in the studio that I need to work on. I also hope to do maybe a little bit of art but I'm not that concerned about that tomorrow. It will be a good day.

I hope that you guys all have a nice night and sleep well. Take care of each other. Send some thoughts out for my dad. His surgery is on Tuesday and he's going to do great. But every little bit helps. Sleep good everybody.

[rueluxprince]

My beaf with the Nie Sect

- meta. We extrapolate from book canon like good English majors.

- Hopefully there won’t be a part 2

So. The Nie Ancestral Hall. The Stone Castles in the novel, more commonly known as “man-eating castles”. A Thing I Deemed To Have A Problem

Okay. The gist of it is this: after their owners death, the Nie saber spirits becomes uncontrollable and restless. They create a lot of destruction because they are half sentient and want to continue their life’s calling, which is killing evil spirits. The solution of appeasing these sabers were to bury them along with their wielders with a bunch of fierce corpses, so they can continue to fight with evil spirits and not bother the living. This practice was started by the sixth Nie head for his father and grandfather.

Which begs the question: how did the Nie Sect acquire hundreds of fierce corpses per generation to keep for their ancestral tomb? Where did they get them?

Hypothesis 1: the Nie Sect disciples knew to capture fierce corpses while out night-hunting instead of exterminating them.

Question to the hypothesis: fierce corpses aren’t that common and are stupidly strong. It takes a lot for a person to rise up in undead as a fierce corpse. One of them is enough to kill more than dozen nominally skilled cultivators (see Wen Ning vs Jin sect at Qiongqi path, Wen Ning vs Jin sect at Qiongqi Path and finally Wen Ning vs Jin sect at Koi Tower). This why Wei Wuxian is so feared, because he can make fierce corpses as easy as he makes banana bread and make them obey as easily too.

So, Hypothesis 1 isn’t that efficient and costs a lot. Both in time and Nie disciples lives. Remember, they need hundreds of fierce corpses per person.

Hypothesis 2: the Nie Sect just buys fierce corpses off sellers. Which is what they (NHS) said they have been doing for generations.

Questions to the hypothesis that is more fact actually: Where the fuck do they buy it from? Are there merchants that just have a dozen or so fierce corpses lying in their basement? They can capture these highly dangerous highly uncontainable things while proper disciples can’t?

Which. As we dig deeper. The most logical conclusion being: there’s a supply chain.

Nie Sect needs fierce corpses to build their ancestral tomb: demand. They fulfill that demand by buying said fierce corpses off sellers/merchants specializing in such trade, which is more efficient than collecting one by one themselves. The sellers fulfill their demand of fierce corpses to sell by either contacting a third party or building their own private militias to collect fierce corpses for them. Fierce corpses are hard to capture but now a person becomes one is fairly well-known, so the more efficient and cost effective way of fulfilling said demand would making them yourself.

How do you make batches of fierce corpses? By rounding up a lot peasant families and torturing them to death. Or get their family members to watch as their parents/siblings/friends get tortured to death. Best chance of getting a truly fierce corpse out of it since everyone is getting soaked in resentment. And there are chances at play, since not everyone resents so hard and so true to rise as a deranged zombie. The supplies needed would be greater than the end product.

And so the sellers tortures people to death in their underground cell blocks, all tied up and chained, and when some of them rise as fierce corpses they are perfectly contained. Then they are sold to the Nie Sect, who has a large demand for them, for a bunch of restless sentient sabers to play with, for all eternity.

Again. It is eternity. Fierce corpses don’t enter the wheels of reincarnation. They don’t have next lives. Their souls are forever stuck in their bodies until some cultivator brings them to rest.

So ah, even if we believe Nie Huaisang’s words that no one is murdered to turn into fierce corpses, (Which personally I don’t believe because there’s no way you get that many dead people in one place without some murder), there’s still the added bonus that these people are stuck there forever. Like. Their whole souls are stuck there forever? To suppress the sabers of the Nie family? Like, your first thought of seeing a being not at peace isn’t “liberate, suppress, eliminate”, it’s instead “I’m going to use it for my own family’s purpose”?!

Thus. What the fuck?! Why the fuck are your stupid ass swords so fucking precious that I have to sacrifice my family to be brutally tortured so they can be appeased?! And don’t give me the “oh the sabers will wreck greater havoc if we don’t do this” bullcrap. No way they can kill enough people to equal seven generations of fierce corpse piling in the hundreds. And besides, you could just fucking melt them down??? And if you say “no that’s disrespectful to my ancestors”, yeah well getting brutally tortured to death is disrespectful to my life so shut the fuck up.

And what’s more: if you disturb one of the castles and destroy a corpse, the castle seals itself off and you become imbedded in the walls as a replacement, if you manage to get away the castle imprints a curse on you so you’ll be dragged back eventually. (See the entire Jin Ling incident.)

Which. Okay. Wow. That’s fucking terrifying.

So. Hypothesis again. Say I went off to the morning to sell some firewood, and when I come back in the evening my parents and my four siblings are gone. They’ve all been kidnapped by a group of bandits. I follow their horse trail to their base. The bandits walk in before I can free my family and a dozen others from their cells and so I’m stuck to watching from the back window. Before my eyes a dozen of people are systemically mutilated, dismembered, maimed, and overall just tormented to death. I am powerless to anything but watch. I run into the woods, vomit, and collapse into a dead faint. I wake dehydrated but determined to least get my families’ bodies back. The bandits have moved my parents onto carts again, I follow them to a scattering of stone castles and watch men in cultivation uniforms shove my parents bodies inside the grey walls. After their work has finished and left, I rush in to chisel my mother’s body out. After an hour I can finally lay her down on the floor and are ready to begin extracting my father, before the walls suddenly move forward and drag me inside them. I scream in total darkness for what feels like forever before I no longer have enough breath to do so. I die. I stay there forever.

(Note 1: apparently Nie Mingjue began compiling corpses when he was still alive, and according to Nie Huaisang the number accrued was in the high dozens but still aren’t enough to appease his saber spirit after death.)

(Note 2: a more direct comparison can be seen in Jin sect’s demonic experiments under Xue Yang. They need fierce corpses to experiment on to see if they can get one that’s sentient like Wen Ning, fierce corpses are rare, they toss in entire sects to be tortured to death in front of each other so they get more of them quickly. Etcetera.)

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

your writing is so so great! could I please request a one shot where maybe Toni falls of a cliff/gets injured badly in order to protect Shelby and her friends and they are insanely worried (both for Toni and Shelby’s mental wellbeing) JUST LIKE IN YOUR LAST ONE SHOT, I actually think the girls are the best thing Toni could ever get and she deserves all of the comfort and love

it’s 2.3k of hurt/comfort fresh off the presses. i have not even read it. initially it was gonna be a lot angstier but i couldn’t make the stakes high enough in that so we’re sticking with this for now. i’ll post it on a03 as soon as i get positive feedback bc i crave validation and also i ahve not eaten lunch and am running on three hours of sleep and if you’re wondering if that’s your fault. well.

Toni woke up and groaned, her head pounded and she was cold all over, shivers wracking her body.

She gave a slow cough, and dust rattled around in her lungs.

She was alive, at least. That was something.

Fuck, Shelby.

“Shelby?” Her voice was so hoarse it barely pierced the gloom, but it was clear. Toni was alone.

The worst of her injuries seemed to be her leg, which was trapped under a rock she didn’t have the leverage to move. She didn’t have the space to move at all actually. There was no light in the alcove, or the space between rocks she was in, but hopefully it wasn’t airtight.

Her head was bleeding, and her back was bruised, and there were scrapes up and down her arms, but she could really barely feel her leg.

There was water, which was very very bad, but it was only ankle deep, and the soft trickle she heard did not indicate she only had a few hours left.

The thunderstorm had come on suddenly, tropical ones sometimes do. It wasn’t Toni’s first time caught up in one, usually they were in the trees and they had to race for a nearby cave or the beach just in case lightning decided to strike. But she and Shelby had been by the cliffs, looking for more caves or maybe a place to get ten minutes to themselves.

The rain had dropped down like a hammer, the wind was strong enough it carried them both off their feet. Toni remembered, vaguely, being slammed into something hard. She grabbed Shelby’s hand and kept them going against it, wind and hail pelting them hard enough to bruise. She hadn’t heard the distant rumbling, stupid, but had shoved Shelby into a cave and at the wrong second her grip slipped and the wind picked up, and she was flung away.

She crawled into some pace between rocks and the rumble had been a mud slide. Everything was kinda hazy after that.

At least the storm seemed to have stopped. She rubbed her eyes and winced at the pain in her head. Probably a concussion.

God what if Shelby was buried too? What if Shelby was dead?

That was a nasty storm, what if the other girls were hurt, even if they were on the beach?

What if Toni died here, alone and cold and bleeding and hurt?

“Toni!” Someone screamed.

She closed her eyes, allowing herself to sink into the relief. From how far away they were, and muffled by the rock slide, she couldn’t recognize it, but she’d give anything that it was Shelby.

“Toni!”

She tried to call back but her voice wouldn’t let out much more than a rasp and a series of coughs that shook her to her spine.

She tried slamming her fist against the rock ceiling but that made the water at the bottom start trickling faster.

“Toni!”

The voice sounded further away and she began to panic, what if that was her last shot?

“Toni!”

She settled for slow scratching at the mud trapping her in and the voice started getting closer again.

“I think I hear something over here!” Someone called. “Toni, is that you?”

“Yes,” she tried to rasp out, “Yes, I’m here!”

“I can’t hear anything,” someone said.

She kept scratching.

“There’s definitely something there,” someone said. “Maybe it’s an animal or something.”

“She has to be around here somewhere,” someone said. “TONI!”

The water around her ankles was filling up faster, had almost reached her navel. The more she scratched the higher she got, the rocks behind her head felt less stable.

“Toni if that’s you knock twice okay?” Someone said.

She knocked twice.

“Guys she’s down here!”

There are more voices, scratches and banging around on top of her head. It all feels incredibly dangerous, like they might get sucked down too, but she doesn’t have a way to warn them.

In the end Dot managed to get them to their senses, got them to stand back and used the hatchet to slowly carve a hole in. It was enough for her to peer through and Toni realized what she must’ve looked like. Bloody and pale and broken.

“Yalright Toni?” Dot asked.

Toni shook her head, and with the penlight she knew Dot could see it. At least the fresh air was nice, she suspected the ventilation wasn’t as great as she thought it initially was.

Dot pulled away to address everyone. “Okay guys, it’s filling with water which means we have to be super careful.” Dot reappeared, “Any major injuries?”

“Leg,” Toni tried to rasp out.

“What’s that?”

Toni pointed at her leg.

“Ah shit, is it trapped?” Dot asked.

Toni nodded.

Dot disappeared again and her voice was too quiet for Toni to make out.

“Toni?” It was Martha, which at least meant she was okay. “We’re gonna get you out of there you just have to stay calm.”

Where the fuck was Shelby?

The hole they dug got a little wider, she could hear Dot over-exerting herself, Fatin simply exerting herself, Leah going into hyper drive. Nora gave instructions from the sidelines and Martha kept talking to her.

Where was Shelby where was she.

When Dot’s hand finally managed to reach her hand Toni let out her first audible noise in hours and it was a scream of pain. Her leg felt like it was falling out of her socket and she collapsed back into the water with a splash, it now at chest height.

“Toni,” Martha’s voice returned, “We might have to amputate.”

“No,” Toni rasped, tears streaked down her dusty face. “Please no.”

She knew they couldn’t hear her but still. She found herself begging, begging like she never had before.

“Shelby wants to talk to you,” Martha said, she sounded unsure. “Is that okay?”

Toni nodded, as aggressively as she could. So Shelby was okay, it was her voice in the beginning.

“Toni,” there was Shelby’s voice, she almost closed her eyes at the sound of it, but she didn’t want to miss her eyes. “Toni I’m here.” She reached her hand out and Toni bent as far as she could, letting their fingers intertwine in a loose hold before she collapsed back down again. “We’re gonna get you out of this, okay?”

Toni wiped at her eyes. “Shelby.”

“I promise,” Shelby said, “you’re gonna be just fine.”

They managed to carve her out, Toni wasn’t quite sure how. She faded out after a few hours, when the water reached her chin. When she woke up she was back on the beach, in clean clothes in the shelter, her leg was elevated and wrong looking, and her head was in Martha’s lap.

“You’re awake,” Martha said, Toni’s hair was probably filled with a million different braids. “Let me get Dot, alright?”

Toni nodded and to her horror tears started streaming down her cheeks the moment Martha left. Maybe it was exhaustion, pain, but it felt like fear. That all consuming crippling terror.

“Hey,” it was Shelby’s voice, not Dot’s, that came through the shelter. She spotted the tears immediately and Toni closed her eyes, willing them to stop. A soft, calloused finger, wiped them away and Toni leant into the touch so desperate and cold and her arms wrapped around Shelby as Shelby lifted her just a little into her arms.

“You’re alright,” Shelby said. “I’ve got you.”

Toni was aware she was shivering and shaking, her entire body felt weaker than it ever had.

“I’ve got meds for you, alright?” Shelby said. She pulled away. “You need to eat somethin first, and drink somethin, you’re probably dehydrated.”

She helped Toni sit up against one of Fatin’s balled up sweaters and gave her some of the goat jerky Shelby had managed to smoke. Toni chewed slowly and felt exhausted afterwards, and didn’t argue when Shelby handed her a pill and some water. She fell asleep to Shelby’s hands caressing hers.

Things faded in and out. Shelby and Martha were both there as much as they could be but it was Rachel who took up the mantel more often than not. One hand meant taking care of Toni was about as productive as she could get.

“How does the leg feel?” Rachel asked, when Toni was more lucid than usual.

“I can’t feel it,” Toni said. “Probably not a great sign.”

“Well I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Dot said we got to wean you off of the painkillers because you might get addicted.”

Toni rubbed her eyes, the last thing she wanted to think about right now was her mother.

“I’m also probably blowing through the stash,” she said.

“Hopefully this is the last major injury we get,” Rachel said. Toni looked at her. “Fine. Be that way.”

They were silent for awhile, Rachel picking at some of her bandages and Toni focusing on the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore.

“I don’t think Shelby’s a homophobe,” Rachel said. Toni looked at her, “I know I know but—she was really freaked out when we found her. She’s definitely got a major guilt complex or something, but I don’t think she hates you. At least not anymore.”

“Okay,” Toni swallowed hard.

“I just mean—ugh,” Rachel went from picking at her bandage to picking at her clothes. “Listen I’m not saying you have to forgive her but just like. You didn’t see her once we found you. She was freaking out man, kept saying how god had taken you. Remind me never to go to Texas like she and Dot keep inviting me?”

“Can’t be all bad,” Toni said, ignoring everything else Rachel just said. “I hear the Mexican food is great.”

Rachel hummed.

“Hey,” Toni kept her voice soft when Shelby came in that night with dinner. “I wanna talk to you.”

“Eat first,” Shelby said. “I need to check your scrapes. How does your head feel?”

“Like I have a mild concussion,” Toni said.

Shelby re-bandaged the worst of the scrapes, and cleaned them again. A lot of them were so bad they were yellow with pus, and likely Toni would have wicked scars there.

“Nora said it was an off shore hurricane, one of those that dies before it reaches the mainland. It was probably almost dead which is why it only last a few hours.”

“Oh,” Toni said. “Does that mean were close to somewhere?”

“It could, but it might mean we’re closer to Japan,” Shelby said. “How’s the leg?”

“I can’t feel it,” Toni said. Shelby nodded.

“Dot wants you to only use the meds to sleep,” Shelby said.

“It’s a good idea, with like—my mom and everything,” Toni looked away and Shelby took her hand.

“You know I don’t think less of you for that, right?”

Toni nodded.

“Good.”

They ate in relative quiet, for dessert there were lychees which Shelby had evidently picked up for the two of them if her blushing was anything to go by.

“I wanna talk to you about something,” Toni said at last. Shelby nodded. “Rachel was talking to me about how they found you.”

Shelby frowned, “alright?”

“Did you—“ Toni furrowed her brow, “Shelby did you really think god had taken me away or something?”

Shelby looked away away, fidgeting with that damned cross necklace. “Toni you didn’t see it.”

“Shelby I’m pretty sure I’m the only other one who did.”

Shelby shook her head, “No, no Toni you didn’t see it—not the way I did. The storm came on so suddenly, and there was lightning and thunder everywhere, and your hand was in mine but I turned around I just barely saw you go flying, like you were actually being sucked up into the sky.”

“But I’m okay,” Toni said.

“No,” Shelby kept shaking her head, “It was my fault. If I had held on a little tighter, or if I hadn’t been there you wouldn’t have been there at all.”

“I would still be on this island—“

“None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t been here,” Shelby said. “Don’t you see? I had feelings for you and you got food poisoning, we kissed and everyone nearly starved, Rachel got attacked by a shark after we had sex—Toni what more do you need?”

“Shelby,” Toni grabbed her hand and squeezed.

“I mean you got pulled away by Him when I was about to tell you I—“ Shelby cut herself off. “It’s a sign, is all. It’s a sign.”

“Shelby look at me.”

When Shelby does her eyes are red and wide and scared.

“Shelby do you really think God would kill me for this,” Toni traced a thumb over Shelby’s hand. “For loving you?”

Shelby swallowed hard. “I can’t rightly say.”

“Shelby,” Toni’s voice cracked, and she couldn’t even blame it on the dust. “You really think he’d do that? Kill some random ass teenage girl because she happened to love another teenage girl? I know I don’t know a lot about the Bible but I’m pretty sure Jesus was too busy turning water into wine to worry about if a couple of girls were kissing behind the church.”

Shelby kinda smiled at that and Toni ached to pull her into her arms, to run her fingers through her matted her and kiss her until the cows came home. Or the goats. But her body was too weak, and she had to settle for pressing a kiss to Shelby’s knuckles.

“I love you,” Toni said. “Now say it back.”

Shelby looked at the door to the tent, worrying her jaw, she looked back at Toni, “I love you too.”

She flinched and waited, but all they heard was the gentle crashing of distant waves and Shelby seemed to sag.

“I’m gonna be fine,” Toni said. “And we’re gonna be fine. And I love you.”

Shelby nodded, “I love you too.”

[themaddruid17]

💜 Depression & Anxiety Life Tips 💜

Depression, and anxiety are best friends. They often show up together, and slowly destroy you in tandem. Anxiety is the first to start usually. Anxiety is natural part of us, but it's more like a weed. Take a dandelion, it has benefits, but too much of it and it will choke out everything.

What do you need to do though? You need to keep your anxiety in check. How? Read these tips to learn how I've gone from debilitating anxiety to moderate and still fighting. I've been in 8yrs of government therapy so far. (CBT, DBT, EMDR..etc)

1.) Your anxiety comes from when you step outside of the safety box. If you have a small box, you will get anxiety more often, you need to slowly work on expanding that comfort zone.

When something is making you nervous, take deep breaths and tell yourself just keep doing it. I know that sounds easier said than done but, I've been working hard on it and it does work. Sometimes I'll shout out loud "Just push through it, don't stop keep doing it me!" And long as I push through it'll work.

2.) It's okay to fail or be mediocre at something. It took a long time to accept this but failing is part of learning. It's learning a way not to do something, it's getting experience to get you to that final level. Do you play a video game sad you don't start at 100? Hopefully not. It's part of the fun.

To encourage yourself take photos or keep your projects to remind you of how far you've come. And secondly don't compare yourself to someone else. You are them and that's what makes you special. Do things for yourself, not to compete with others cause if you go through life chasing to be as good as someone else you'll miss out on how good you are. Everyone is unique and that should be embraced.

3.) Take care of yourself! Silly I know but water, food, sleep, exercise. Drink water, not anything with sugar or caffeine that actually dehydrates you. Specially first thing in the morning, because you usually wake up slightly dehydrated which is why you feel that groggy feeling. It's because you lose a lot of moisture over night through sweating, breathing and filling your bladder.

Eat atleast 1,000 calorie meal a day. It's okay to struggle to eat, eat anything over nothing. It's better to eat junk food than no food.

Sleep hygiene is important, specially if you have insomnia. Set a routine before bed of good sleep hygiene. No electronics 2 hrs before bed, no food, start to let your body shut down. I'll help your sleep out so much. Which in turn will help yourself out.

4.) Go slow and small. It's better to go slow and small than to quick and feel like things aren't working. Start with one small thing and when that feels good and is routine, wait another week or so, then add another thing. Going slow is good because it reinforces it in the brain. Gets those myelin bridges built! It takes roughly 21 days to get into a habit of doing it daily.

5.) Journalling. It allowed me to go back to my depression phases and see how bad I was and where I needed to improve. It's been an invaluable tool for me. Journal before bed. Add it into your nightly routine.

6th and last.

💜 I am always here if you need someone. Ive been through hell and back and don't judge. Honest to god's nothing you say could scare me away. If ppl can hate for no reason, I can love for no reason. Druid loves you 💜 Take care

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (47) || atz

In the relative silence of the sickbay, you and San fight to save Yunho’s life.

The two of you work silently, switching out blood stained bandages for clean ones, Seonghwa running between the galley and the infirmary to wash the soiled paddings as you and San try desperately to stop the bleeding. The wound may not be big, but it’s deep and from San’s deductions, it’s poisoned, and that’s probably what worries the two of you the most.

The metallic tang of blood hits your nose as you toss one bloodied bandage into a basket, reaching for a fresh one and pressing it to the wound. Underneath your hands, Yunho moans weakly in pain, his face ashen and a thin sheen of cold sweat on his forehead. At the side, your master is at his worktable, furiously mixing a complex concoction to slow down Yunho’s heart rate and hopefully knock the injured battlemaster out while the two of you tend to his wound.

“Is he going to be fine?” Seonghwa whispers to you as he takes the basket of soiled bandages for the third time already, glancing worriedly over at the limp form of one of his oldest friends on the bed. Honestly, you’re not sure how to reply.

“It’s not the wound that we’re worried about, actually.” You murmur softly under your breath as you pour whiskey onto the cloth, cleaning out the wound the best you can. Yunho’s head falls back as he whimpers softly in pain and you murmur soothing words to him, brushing his damp hair out of his eyes. “It’s the poison.”

“But Sanie is familiar with poisons.” Seonghwa tells you as he rests his hand on Yunho’s forehead. It’s clammy to the touch, a sign that the poison is already taking its effects on him. Usually, it would be a simple task for San to look through his extensive book of poisons and simply find a cure, but this time…

San doesn’t know what poison it is this time.

You don’t know what to do either. You don’t have the experience with poisons to be able to help your master in this area, so the only thing you can do is assist San by dealing with the physical wound while he tries to figure out exactly how to save Yunho’s life.

Sighing, Seonghwa looks over at Yunho with weary, resigned look, patting his younger crewmate gently. In that one action, there are a million words left unsaid, the weight of the his emotions for his friend settling over to you, a tidal wave of concern, pain, sadness.

“Please be okay, Yunho.” Seonghwa murmurs one last time, before he rises to his feet and leaves the room with the basket under his arm, unable to continue looking upon the still form of his weakened crewmate. You can understand how Seonghwa feels, you yourself can barely bring yourself to glance at Yunho’s sallow, pallid face, mumbling incoherently under his breath.

“Here.” San finally steps over to you, handing a small bottle of freshly mixed painkiller. You swirl it around a few more times and the potent pungence of it hits your nose, causing your eyes to water as your master reaches for Yunho’s head, tilting his mouth open with his thumb.

Sidling up next to him, you very carefully hold the bottle over Yunho’s trembling lips, dribbling just a little of the concoction into his mouth.

At the first drop, Yunho coughs and splutters, choking on its bitter taste and you immediately panic, worried that the painkiller might have gone down his windpipe instead. Your master, already expecting something like this to happen from experience, rushes to lie him back down, patting him gently as he reassures Yunho with soft words.

“Don’t worry, Yunho-ah, all you need to do is drink this little painkiller and you can go right to sleep.” Your master’s soft words drift over to your ears as you search for a way to make the painkiller easier for Yunho to ingest. “No more pain… yes, you can just rest.”

“It hurts…” Yunho whimpers softly, like a feverish child reaching for his mother, except this is so much more severe than just that. Your heart almost shatters at the weakness of his voice, but you force yourself to hold it together for his sake, squeezing your eyes shut against the tears that threaten to fall. “It hurts so much…”

“I know, I know.” San cooes sweetly to him, his voice taking on a honeyed, gentle tone as he beckons you over with a finger. “Just drink this and it’ll make all the pain go away, alright?”

Once again, you press the bottle to his cracked lips and this time Yunho drinks it all like a dehydrated man, as if he’s desperately seeking any relief he can from the pain the poison is causing him. Every drop slides down his throat as San rubs his back soothingly, whispering encouragement and reassurance to his crewmate. In seconds, the entire bottle is drained and you take it from him, moving to the work bench to prepare for the next phase in the healing process.

Behind your back, you hear San humming a lullaby to Yunho, but even over his voice you can hear Yunho’s breathing begin to weaken, from sporadic pants to soft, even breathing. Terror wins out for a second and you whirl around to look at him, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes as you fear that this may be the last time you see him conscious, and that he may truly never wake up from this sleep.

But Yunho’s eyes are already closed, chest falling and rising evenly as he falls into a deep slumber right before your eyes.

A sob chokes its way from your throat before you can help it and a pathetic whimper escapes you, the tears you’d been holding back so long finally rolling down your cheeks. San immediately rises from Yunho’s side and pulls you into a tight embrace, your face nestled in his shoulder as you cry quietly.

Your master gives you a moment to let all your emotions out, his hand patting you on the back gently. Silently, you feel warmth staining the collar of your shirt and you hug your master a little tighter, both of you afraid, petrified, terrified for Yunho’s life, but at least you’re together, and somehow that makes it a little easier to breathe.

After a while, the two of you finally collect yourselves. San holds you by the shoulders, one hand reaching up to wipe the tears from your cheeks as he forces a smile on his face.

“Let’s save him, Chin Hae.”

The two of you move in tandem. San moves to stem the bleeding of the wound in Yunho’s side as you prepare the needle for the stitching, wiping it clean with alcohol before heating it over an open flame. Next, you thread it carefully with fine silk, before passing it to your master.

His fingers fly over the injury, the tweezers in his hand pulling the needle through Yunho’s skin as your master works to close the wound. After a few moments, the gash is completely closed, and you pass San a roll of clean bandage which he uses to bind the wound.

When all is done, the two of you heave a simultaneous sigh of relief. You’ve done all you can, the rest is left to the gods now.

The two of you sit down side by side on the bed opposite Yunho’s, watching the injured battlemaster sleep peacefully in grim silence. San wraps an arm around your shoulders to comfort you as he starts to give you the diagnostic for the wound and you sink into his embrace, desperately needing his warm presence to ground you before you burst into tears again.

“He’s been stabbed in the side, but I have confidence that will heal with time. We can always treat physical wounds with our healing abilities.” San tells you quietly as you rest your head on his shoulder. “What I’m worried about is the poison. I collected a sample of the poisoned blood on the mouth of the wound, but it might take me a few days to run tests and determine what compounds are in it.”

“Why can’t we use our healing abilities like we did with Yeosang, though?” You whisper quietly, as if trying not to disturb Yunho’s sleeping form. San’s brow pinches in frustration.

“We could heal Yeosang’s wound in one shot because it was a physical wound, so all we had to do was focus our energies onto that one area. But Yunho has been poisoned and the toxins have spread around his body through his bloodstream. We can’t manage such an intricate repair where we have to fix every part of his body, and even if we could, the poison would still remain in his blood and continue doing damage.”

You swallow at the bleak words. “So you’re saying the only thing we can do is wait for his body to flush out the poison on its own? Or create an antidote, but we don’t know what poison it is?”

San nods. “The painkiller I gave him should knock him out for a while and slow down his heart rate so the poison doesn’t work as fast, but do you have any idea how long we might have before the poison kills him?”

You flinch at the word, but you rack your brains. Think, Chin Hae, think! For a moment, you can recall nothing, but then a thought forms in your mind.

“Commander Kang said to come to Cayman Islands if we wanted the antidote, so that must mean the poison is a slow affecting one, am I right? He wouldn’t have said that if Yunho’s just going to die in a few days.”

San pauses a moment to consider your words, before he heaves a slight sigh of relief. “I guess that’s true… although coming out of the mouth of that snake, I’m not sure whether we can trust his words.”

Then he turns to you with earnest eyes. “You know that Hongjoong-hyung would never give you and Yeosang up. You know that, don’t you?”

You do know that. You know that more than anyone else. But there’s always fear in you, no matter how small, that your captain may choose the freedom of his crew over you… and you wouldn’t blame him in the least for it.

How could you?

Before your thoughts can start spiraling down this depressing whirlpool, San rises to his feet, stretching his arms above his head and glances at you.

“I’ll be researching on the poison sample, so I need you to remain here and watch over Yunho for me. Can you do that for me, Chin Hae?”

You don’t want to be alone with your thoughts as they eat away at you from the inside, but even more than that, you need for Yunho to get his antidote, so you nod and San presses a last, quick kiss to your temple, patting you on the shoulder reassuringly.

“Yunho is strong… and incredibly lucky. Believe in him.”

With that, your master leaves the room, and you’re all alone with Yunho in the sickbay. With nothing much else for you to do, you merely stare at the battlemaster’s face, memories with him flashing through your mind.

Since the first day you stepped aboard this ship, Yunho has always been this figure of strength and power, radiating positivity and goodwill like the sun itself. You still remember the time you had climbed up to the crow’s nest with him for the first time, the way he had simply grinned at you and reassured you that he’d catch you if you ever fell.

You can’t forget his sad, melancholy laugh as he explained the meaning of the rings in his hair, how he’d exposed the scar at his neck, the way he’d spilled to you everything about his brother with that fond, affectionate look on his face.

He was nicer, kinder, gentler. Always the better one of the two of us.

Well, your jaw clenches as you think about Yunho’s words, trying and failing to match it with the man you’d seen with Commander Kang earlier that day. You clearly remembered wrong, Yunho, because your brother is nothing like that.

Everything about Jeong Gunho scared you senseless, and still does, even more so when you think back on it. His short brown hair was flyaway and messy like any other youth, deep brown eyes expressive and alight with happiness. He and Yunho truly looked eerily alike, in fact now that you think about it, Gunho looks like what you might have imagined Yunho to resemble three years ago.

But it had been his smile that had scared you the most. You as an onlooker had been completely convinced of Gunho’s joy to finally meet his estranged brother once more, much less Yunho, who’d been missing his brother for years. It was no surprise Yunho had fallen for his younger brother’s act.

What truly scares you had been that even after running his brother through with a knife, Gunho’s face hadn’t changed the least. You remember the words he had spoken to Yunho with that same bright smile, one that you now know must have been hiding a dark, sinister intent underneath.

I didn’t think you’d be on guard enough to react so quickly around me. And here I thought you were glad to see me again, brother.

A frisson of fear runs through you as you recall the way he had said those words, as if disappointed a plan of his hadn’t worked out. His facade up to that point, right from the beginning when his hood had fallen off to the moment he’d stabbed Yunho in the stomach, had been wholly, undeniably flawless.

Gunho had known that Yunho missed him with every fiber of his being even before he had stepped onto the ship.

And he had intended to use that against him from the very beginning.

You’re utterly confused with so many unanswered questions buzzing around in your mind, some more baffling than the others. They spill into your mind like water overflowing from a basin, swirling around in your thoughts as you desperately try to come up with explanations and answers to them.

Wasn’t Gunho supposed to be dead? How did he magically some back to life… and why was he with the Royal Navy? Why was he with Commander Kang? From the way the two had looked at each other, moving in sync, they must have known each other for a long time. Which led you to the question… exactly what had happened after Yunho had left his brother behind in that arena?

A sigh escapes your mouth and you’re tempted to ram your head into the wall, but the noise would wake Yunho up. Playing with the necklace resting around your neck, you shut your eyes, matching your breathing to Yunho’s as you think hard about the events earlier in the day.

Why does Commander Kang want you? And why is there such a massive bounty on your head? Why on earth would you be worth more to the Royal Navy than the Pirate King himself? And why-

Creak…

You nearly jump in shock and scramble around to search for the source of the noise, only to see that it’s Yeosang stepping in through the door, carrying a small loaf of bread and meat. When he sees you sitting on the bed staring at him in surprise, he gives you a weak smile and crosses the room to pass you the food.

“Dinner. Seonghwa-hyung said to tell you shouldn’t skip any meals and to keep your strength up.”

“Thanks.” You take the food from him, just now realising how ravenous you are. The navigator seats himself next to you, the wooden frame creaking under his weight as he takes in the sight of one of his oldest friends, quiet and still on the bed opposite him. His face falls a little and you pause in between bites to attempt to cheer him up.

“Hey, it’ll be okay, Yeosang. I’m… I’m sure Captain wouldn’t give us up to your father. He’ll find a way to save us all, including Yunho. I believe in him.” You try to reassure him, but Yeosang merely gives you a defeated smile. He can feel your true feelings, even without words passing between you. How terrified you are that you’ll be given up. How part of you wants to be given up… if it means Yunho can be saved.

“My father did this, huh?” Yeosang’s hands clasp together in his lap and he leans back to stare at the ceiling of the infirmary. “I never… I never thought I would see him again, for most part.”

You glance at him, feeling his sorrow running through your veins as if it’s your own, your fingers reaching for his. Your intertwined hands rest in between the two of you as you close your eyes, taking comfort from the fact that Yeosang is here, and he understands what you’re feeling. “How did you come to the Treasure… Yeosang-oppa?”

You hear the navigator’s breath hitch, before his grip on your hand relaxes. “My father abandoned me in exchange for his crew’s safety when we had a run in with the Treasure… I was valuable, so Hongjoong took me alive.”

Your heart sinks. What he’s telling you now are the exact same memories you had seen in his mind, but the broken way he says it makes it so much more painful to your ears.

“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t met Captain and the others…” Yeosang murmurs softly, squeezing your hand a little. “Whether I would have continued to follow my father blindly like a dog desperate for affection… believing that he truly did love me and that I just needed to prove myself to him. Or whether I would have realised it one day, completely alone, before all that love turned to hatred.”

“But you didn’t.” You remind him, looking him in the eye. Yeosang’s face brightens just a little at the thought of it.

“I didn’t.” He repeats after you, the smallest of smiles on his face as he reminisces upon those memories. “I stayed in the sickbay at first, you know? For a while, I completely refused food when San and Seonghwa-hyung brought it to me. I thought I should just die, because I had nothing more to live for.”

You stiffen a little at the thought of Yeosang, silent and unmoving, letting his body just die slowly as he tried to come to terms with the one, singular thing he’d believed his whole life; that his father had loved him. Nothing but fury wells up at the image that comes to mind.

“But someone changed my mind.”

“Oh?” You’re a little surprised and you see Yeosang with a gentle smile on his face as he recalls those days, a time long before you had joined the Treasure. “Seonghwa-oppa changed your mind? Or maybe Master?”

But Yeosang shakes his head to both, before dropping one name you had not expected to hear at all.

“It was Wooyoung.”

You actually pause in shock to stare at him. You really don’t have anything against him, Wooyoung is one of your best friends, and honestly, someone you wouldn’t hesitate to trust your life with. The head gunner has a silver tongue, a skilled charmer with both incredible charisma and empathy, but you wouldn’t have expected it to be Wooyoung of all people to be the one to pull Yeosang out of the darkness.

“Oh?”

Yeosang nods solemnly. “Wooyoung simply talked to me about never having experienced any sort of familial love, so it didn’t really matter to him when he’d left his first ship and come aboard the Treasure. But he felt as if I had it a lot harder… because I had lost something when he had nothing to lose.”

A shiver runs down your spine at those words. Nothing to lose? You recall his behaviour from the mermaid incident, how you’ve been hearing people making allusions to Wooyoung’s past but never really speaking about it, as if it’s some sort of taboo subject. You know he’s been through a lot from the little he’d told you back on Nassau… but how much had he suffered, exactly?

Part of you doesn’t want to know.

“Wooyoung told me he’d found a family he’d never known could exist on the Treasure and said he hoped I would give them a chance and let them do the same for me. You know it too, don’t you?” Yeosang recalls, shaking his head with a fond smile. “That’s how I know that Captain would never betray us.”

He squeezes your hands tightly in his, and something deep in you realises that maybe you were the one who needed comfort this entire time.

So, closing your eyes, you let yourself believe in the one thing that has been true this entire time.

Your captain will never betray you.