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olicohens · 1 year ago

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oh no you guys. i’m going to spew things i’ve realized while rewatching umbrella academy. I’m realizing were all being too sucked into fanon things after being stuck without canon content for so long. We have convinced ourselves Five acts like a mean mean dude to everyone but rewatching, i’ve realized he’s only stressed and is saying things out of panicked anger, especially in s1 with the apocalypse dooming over them. he acts soft to his siblings multiple times, he’s really not as mean as we write him in fanfiction. he is a little crap though, that’s for sure, and i love him for that <3

also realizing that the siblings don’t hate five. they just literally don’t know him at all. he came back a completely different person after 17 years for the siblings, they don’t know five, he’s a stranger so of course they’re gonna be cold to him. it’s like, “i don’t know you well, but you’re always going to be my brother in the end”.

ALSO. for those who ship some of the siblings, uhm… i’ve seen a lot of you guys try to prove that they don’t see eachother as siblings and more like academy students, but they very much say in just about every episode that they see eachother as siblings. they don’t actually SAY that word by word but they say things like “she’s our sister”, or “our dad”. if they say OUR dad… bro. i’m not even going to continue, you can put it together yourself. But, i do realize why people ship the siblings. I am not defending incest shippers but with umbrella academy i can see why people have resorted to it. only 3 of the characters in the main sibling cast has romantic partners. people like shipping people, people love writing romantic relationships, but with only diego/lila, dave/klaus, and sissy/viktor, (i’m not going to count five/dolores for now) people are desperate with the need to ship the rest of the siblings with someone, and since there are only a few actual canon characters in the show that interact with our main 7, people start shipping them together… yikes. anywho, that’s all for that peice. i blame the show writers as well for shipping luther/allison, they did not have to do that, but i’m hoping it was only to convey the severity of what childhood trauma does to people.

ALSO THIS HERE SHOOK ME. I actually think Reginald cares for the siblings. i hate to say it, but it’s true. caring for them does not mean being good, though. he was a horrible father, and person, but he genuinely did care for the siblings, in a like, “being the best is the best thing for you, i will make you better, for your sake, even if you don’t know it now, you will see that i am right” kind of way.

also why has NOBODY MENTIONED THIS. in season 2 when diego first reunites with five in the asylum, while he’s walking into the visitors room, he’s staring at five with this heartfelt, soft look, and then says “five…” in the most soft spoken voice ever 😭 your honor i love them

ALSO UGHHH THIS. IM GOING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT CAMERAWORK AND METAPHORS HERE SO BARE WITH ME. we as a fandom complain about the lack of flashbacks five has due to his ptsd. we’ve seen his first flashback since getting back to his family in s1 during the van scene when he gets triggered by those kids playing and starts thinking about his own childhood, i’m guessing. i ate that scene up, and was sad to see that be one of the only deeply vulnerable scenes he has in the season, and during my first watch i thought they’d never bring it back up. but they do!! i may be stupid for not realizing but whatever. in season 2, when five is trying to explain at elliot’s with all his siblings around that another apocalypse is coming, everyone starts talking about each other. as someone who studies film and camerawork, i love this scene. we see the camera focus on five as it slowly zooms in. it doesn’t switch scenes at all as the siblings voices overlap and echo over eachother. this whole scene conveys him getting overwhelmed and he starts to zone out, starting to think of the nuclear war he saw his siblings in. the scenes of the war start quickly switching through, showing many different scenes of it before it switches back to five, who says “guys, you all die. i want to forget it but i can’t” which just UGH its so well done there. if you think about it, he was starting to slip into another flashback. he was triggered by talking about their deaths in the war but was handling it well until the siblings started fighting, where we see the overlapping voices happen. it portrays him losing control and being unable to pull it back together with too much going on for him to focus on grounding himself. we DO however, see that five was able to pull himself out before he fell too deep into the flashback. i love how they show this through them still having the scene showing the war, but then fives voice starts talking over the scene which is still focusing on the war as if he was pushing it back and forcing himself to come back to the present.

thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far, i will continue to freak out another time <3

#umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #tua #theumbrellaacademy #umbrella_academy #FREAAAKING OUT #five hargreeves #number five #reginald hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #lila pitts #camera work #film #nerding out

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godmadeaterribleerror · 7 months ago

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They're Never Gonna Find You A Home - A No Love Lost Bonus Chapter

Series Masterlist

Read on A03!

Author's Note: The way I've somehow made MYSELF hate Homelander more needs to be studied. The power of suggestion is very, very real.

Title from House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance.

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary/Warnings: Everyone adjusts to your life with the Boys. Request from @thegildedblogger! Takes place before Chapter 1, about two or three weeks after the Boys find Her. Usual warnings, plus mentions of depression, suicide, and SA without depiction (not by Soldier Boy).

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, angst, Ben's only mentioned.

You’ve been having new nightmares. Nightmares where everything is white and cold like before, but it’s all below your feet and running with red. And there are screams. In harmony with your own, echoing over your every ragged breath, the world is fucking filled with screams. Millions of them, high and low and musical, a choir of demons calling you back down, down, down to somewhere hidden.

Somewhere that you’ll only hear the ghost of their voices, where everything will be spotless but dirty and the only eyes that watch you will be a horrible shade of blue. Where the sky won’t see you, but won’t need to see you, because you’ll never be able to hide in dirt and mud and grass again. You won’t be permitted to bleed, or cry, or scream, and everything red will be cold leather that wraps around your throat. And you can’t move or run or hide and this isn’t real but you’re not safe. It’s all in your head, but everything is burning and too-white teeth are flashing in your vision as blue eyes watch you fall alone.

You can’t breathe. Your skin is crawling and something under it is distorting and feels wrong. All of this is wrong and you aren’t safe and you can’t breathe and no. No, no, no, you can’t breathe and no-

You hear a nervous, muffled voice call your name as someone shakes your body. They’re afraid, and it’s not your fear because they’re not paralyzed, but they are so fucking worried and afraid and it’s pulling their stomach into knots and it's alive in their throat-

Your eyes shoot open as something hits you in the gut, and you scramble back as the full force of Hughie’s fear hits your body. His eyes are wide, his face pale, and he’s afraid of you. That’s the look people give feral animals—where they’re unsure if they should help or run—and you can’t even blame him. The sound that had left you as you’d woken was almost a shriek, you’re curled into a fetal position against the wall, and you can’t look good, or stable, or healthy. You haven’t showered in almost a week, you’re probably pallid and gaunt from lack of sleep and erratic eating, and there’s a thin but steady flow of smoke rising from your body.

You’d be afraid of you.

You are afraid of you.

You’re haunted by the screams of the scientists, and the ice skaters, and the ash and rubble of the forest, and you don't know what Hughie wants, but you're stuck in the forest—trapped in your own head—so you don't know how to ask.

You’d hoped you’d have more time after that. After how horribly the mission at the ice rink had gone, after you’d seen Homelander and the air had begun to wave around you. After everything had grown blurry and loud and a scratching, overwhelming pain had started to push out of your skin. After you’d come fully back into your body in a burnt clearing, and MM had appeared from the untouched trees and told you that you’d been about to explode, so he’d gotten you somewhere safer to do it.

You’d thought you’d get to rest after he hadn’t looked at you the whole ride back to the Boys’ Headquarters. After he’d asked, in a low voice, “What the hell happened back there?”

“I,” You’d swallowed, tapping your fingers against your palms and making sure every nail dug into your flesh. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I just, I saw Homelander, and I, I couldn’t-“

“Just Homelander?” MM had interrupted, and he’d sounded more curious than judgmental, so you’d nodded.

“Just Homelander. He,” your voice had barely been a whisper, and every breath had felt like labor. “He could’ve seen me. If I saw him, he could’ve, he might have seen me. And he, he might have tried to-“

“Okay. Got it.”

And that had been it. MM had dropped you back at the Headquarters, you’d shuffled over to your mattress, and you’d truly believed you’d have more time. To do what, before what, you’re not sure. But more time.

That obviously isn’t the case, though, because Hughie’s still watching you with a worry you’d felt deep and worming in your heart, and Butcher’s behind him with a smirk. Looking you over like he’s trying to figure out the fastest way to knock you down if you pounce, holding a hot pink tennis ball that matches the singed one on the other side of your mattress.

“Did,” you clear your throat, moving a hand to your neck in a weak attempt to pull the smoke back into your body by force. “Did you throw a tennis ball at me?”

“You weren’t gettin up with Hughie’s weak little shovin.” Butcher shrugs, placing the ball in his hand back on the desk. “Need you bright and bouncy, sunshine-“

“Don’t call me that.” You snap, your anger helping you sit up a little straighter against the wall. “Why do you need me up?”

“Mallory’s coming over,” Hughie mumbles, scratching the back of his neck. “MM, he thinks we should take a proper look at your, um…” Hughie trails off, and Butcher rolls his eyes.

“Bloody hell, lad, grow some fuckin balls and tell the lady we’re gonna poke her fucked little brain.”

Your lips part with a slight shock, and the foreign feeling under your skin starts to run up and down your spine. “You’re what?”

“Takin a really good look into that fucked head of yours.” Butcher shot you a wink, and the fire starts to sit at the base of your chest, pushing up your throat. “Seein what makes you tick, and how the fuck we can stop you tickin.”

Your attention turns to Hughie, and he sighs.

“We’re just, we need some records. To know more of what happened, whatever you can share or tell us. So we know what not to do, how to keep you, uh, not on fire.”

You nod slowly, and focus on the breathing. In and out, slow and controlled, forcing the world back into a painful focus that’s only held together by a string. Keeping yourself on the earth, even if you had to fall and choke to stay there.

“I,” you take another long breath, and make yourself sound unaffected. Bored. Casual and completely fucking indifferent. “I get it. Okay.”

Hughie’s eyes widening, his face falling into a doubtful frown. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Hughie’s whole face relaxes, and his words fall out in frantic relief. “Thank God. Me and MM, we, um, we were really freaked out. After Vought on Ice. You looked,” Hughie pauses, voice dropping to a full mumble. “Not good.”

“MM and I.”

He blinks at you. “What?”

You shrug, pulling yourself up to unsteady feet. “MM and I, not me and MM. Just so you, um, just so you know.”

It doesn’t really matter, but it’s something to hold onto and think about that isn’t how you’ve freaked out the only people who seem to be able to tolerate you. And Hughie doesn’t seem that bothered—just giving an uncertain nod��even as Butcher scoffs.

“Well, you must’ve just been a laugh riot at fuckin parties-“

“I didn’t go to parties.” You mutter, taking slow, measured steps onto the cold floor and shooting Butcher a glare. “I was locked in a dungeon.”

If Butcher’s bothered by your words, he doesn’t appear it. He just gives you an unreadable look, puts his hands in his pockets, and says, “Save it for Grace, Love.”

You don’t know who Grace is, but you flip Butcher off and shuffle past Hughie to your box of clothing. Annie had gotten you some when you’d joined them, and you’ll never be more grateful for her prioritizing comfort over style. Especially given you seemed to burn through every other thing she bought you, you don’t have interest in simple, fun things like clothing anymore. You don’t have interest in most anything anymore. It’s all how can I help, and how do I make sure I never go back, and am I going to survive this?

Usually, the answer to that last one is yes. You’ll live through this, and find a small, pathetic, weak reason to keep going. A shred of hope to hang onto, to keep pushing and shredding yourself apart for, any single fucking reason to not collapse and scream and wither away.

They’re never sustainable. First it was food, but everything tastes bland and sometimes you don’t have the energy to even eat. Then it was sleep, but you never sleep. You always wake up screaming, often wrapped in fire, alone in the dark with nothing but the wide, cold office for company. Then it’s friends, or something close to friends, but fuck these people are complicated. Butcher’s an asshole that they all have their own weird dynamic with, and he treats you like vermin so you’re not exactly about to ask him to hang out with you. MM’s cool, but focused. Dedicated. No time for anything but finishing this, kind to you but weary of almost everything. Frenchie’s fascinating, but keeps trying to offer you drugs and you don’t think now is the best time to take up cocaine. Kimiko’s awesome, and she’s been teaching you how to talk to her and might be the closest to a real friend, but she seems to be preoccupied. With Frenchie, with her past, with the mission, and you’re not really something people prioritize. Annie and Hughie are sweet, but even more cautious than MM. Acting like you’re a stray cat they’ve let into their house, and they’re not really sure how to take care of you now. Annie buys you things, and Hughie offers you food or a crash course on the past three years, but that’s it. They won’t touch you.

No one will touch you.

And you understand.

You wouldn’t touch you either. If you didn’t have to splash cold water on your face or comb through your hair with your fingers, you’d keep your hands far from your body, or chop them off all together.

They’d grow back. Or you’d never get them off in the first place, because the skin would mend too fast and you’d only be torturing yourself.

You might deserve it. You do deserve it. So maybe, after this, you’ll see if you can cut off your hands. See if you can take away your limbs that only seem to be capable of destruction, see if you can claw out your eyes to never have to see blue eyes again. To spare yourself, selfishly, another memory charred birds and scorched grass and a beautiful, peaceful part of the world, razed by your lack of control. So you’ll be able to pretend that the forest is still beautiful, all green and bright, smelling like flowers and dirt and pine instead of ash, covered in light instead of shrouded in smoke.

Maybe when you’ll have no eyes, you’ll be able to exist somewhere beautiful in your head. Somewhere easy and safe, with all that sunlight and joy, but certain. It won’t be real, so it will be certain. You won’t be able to hurt anyone, when you cut off your hands and claw out your eyes—maybe you’ll carve out your heart as well, because right now every beat feels wasted and stolen—so things will be better.

But only after this is over.

Grace, as it turns out, is a thin-lipped, stone-faced woman who tells you to call her Mallory and gestures for you to sit across from her at a desk. Everyone’s here, mostly silent in the background, and you feel almost naked as you listen. Like an animal on display at the zoo, or a movie for them to watch. There’s a fluorescent light to the side of the desk that almost blinds your view of them, and you hate this. You don’t want to talk to anyone, or be anyone’s show, but you have to stay here. You have to pretend you’re fine and not made of poorly glued together pieces of paper, that you’ll be really useful to kill Homelander.

You need to be useful. And you don’t think you’ll stand being alone again.

So you plaster a small smile on your face, and give your full, slightly fuzzed attention to Grace Mallory.

She says your name, and you nod.

“I am she.”

Mallory tilts her head at you, looking almost amused in a very wolf-like way. “Of course. Why don’t we start from the beginning.”

You’ve told the story before in a million different pieces. In that shitty white van the Boys always drove, right after the graveyard, with only the brief held in captivity, medically abused and tortured, escaped. To different members of the team in vague detail, with small words of dungeon and fire and needles. As an explanation when you’d lost yourself with I can’t go back. He thinks I’m dead and if he realizes I’m not he’ll try and take me and he can’t take me. I can’t fucking go back, and I don’t know how to stop the fire and keep myself safe and I’m sorry.

And it was almost always met with pity. With a sympathetic, sad expression that told you they felt bad. That these people who had a career in dealing with fucked up shit felt bad for you, because you were just a small, weak thing that they needed to coddle. That they knew speaking to you—being near you—was as if glass had shattered over the floor and they needed to be careful to not let the glass cut them open, or force

This will be all of it, though. Almost all of it.

All that you can say aloud, without falling apart or becoming pitied in a way you don’t think you’ll be able to handle.

So you take a deep breath, and start.

“I, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but-“

“I am aware,” Mallory says, watching you carefully. “Of most of it.”

You pause, because this feels like a test, and something about Mallory tells you to tread lightly. That she’s not a woman to play games with, but also someone you can’t afford to be vulnerable with. It may be her stiff posture, or snake-like eyes, or how she holds her hands in a way that simply feels robotic, but it’s something, and you don’t feel human under her gaze. And you don’t like that. You don’t trust it.

So you need to be careful.

“Like what?” You keep yourself small and uncertain, and pretend you don’t see Mallory’s brows raise slightly at your question.

“I don’t believe it will matter if you start where I’d told you-“

“I don’t want to repeat things, waste your time.” You glance at the Boys, who are watching you and Mallory like you’re a dogfight. “We all have busy and, um, complicated lives. I just don’t want to take too much time.”

There’s a moment where you think Mallory might insist you continue, but she just looks you up and down with a glint in her eyes, and speaks in clipped words.

“You are a former Vought captive. You escaped about four months ago, and have been on the lam since. We were made aware of your existence by Queen Maeve, found you in Boston, and recruited you to our efforts. You’re a pyrokinetic with a healing factor, and you seem to have some form of PTSD in relation to Homelander that makes you…” Her eyes narrow on yours. “Unreliable in the field.”

You nod slowly, tapping your fingers on the table as you mutter, “I wasn’t a Vought captive.”

Mallory says nothing, but her gaze never softens as you continue.

“I was Homelander’s captive. I don’t even know how many people at Vought knew I existed. Obviously Maeve had an idea, and probably Edgar, but what happened to me wasn’t Vought. It was all Homelander. He kidnapped me, and kept me in a dungeon for, um,” something is stinging in your heart and stabbing in your skull—clouding everything in a desperate attempt to push memories of white and cold and pain down—but you force yourself through it. “His own uses. With my body.”

“His own uses.” Mallory repeats, and you taste metal as you bite through your cheek. “Such as?”

You swallow, forcing your attention to say sharp on Mallory. This will be an interrogation, there will be questions, and you’ll have to answer them. “Rape. At first. Then he moved me to a lab, and started experimenting on me with V. He shot me with it four times, and I got new powers each time. The first one was the healing. Others and I-“

“And others?” MM interrupts, frowning at you. “You can heal other people?”

“Yeah,” you mumble, giving him small smile you know looks pathetic. “But I have to touch them. And I, I can’t.” You turn back to Mallory. “That was the second one. Empathy. I can feel others emotions, when I touch them. And I can’t control it.”

Mallory hums, scanning over you in a way that makes you feel small. “Can you control any of it?”

That makes something shrink in your chest, feel a little weaker under your skin. “Sometimes. I can do the healing, but not the empathy. And the fire is, um, hard.”

“But that’s three.” Mallory says, and you know where this is going. You’re going to have to make a choice. “You said you had four shots.”

“The third one,” you pause, and decide to just fucking lie. Homelander doesn’t know, no one knows, and you don’t even trust Mallory with Homelander’s full intentions behind the rape. You’re not going to trust her with this. “Didn’t work. Nothing happened. It’s just three powers, and they’re pretty unrelated, so-“

“You’re the Anomaly.” MM mutters from the side, and you have to not flinch at the words. “Fuck, that does,” he looks to Mallory, and she’s still watching you. “It tracks, Grace.”

Mallory just nods, leaning over the table as she addresses you. “How long ago was this?”

“Maybe three years ago. They didn’t exactly give me a calendar, and I’m not exactly sure what day I escaped. It was around when they,” you tilt your head to Butcher and Hughie. “Were working with Solider Boy. I remember seeing that on the news, then his death like a week later-“

“He didn’t die.” Annie pipes in, and Butcher scowls, glowering at her.

“Oi, Starlight, she don’t need to know that-“

“If she’s staying, she does!” Annie snaps, holding Butcher’s glare. “It’s important, especially with Homelander’s relation to that old asshole-“

You frown. “His relation?”

“Solider Boy is Homelander’s father.” Hughie tells you, wincing slightly as Butcher’s glare turns to him. “And I, I agree with Annie. You should,” he between Mallory and Butcher. “She should know these things. They’re important, and I don’t really see the harm in her knowing, right?”

Frenchie nods. “Oui, it is not as if it will be consequential for her to know. Soldier Boy is in a deep nap, she is not, but it may be of,” he pauses, looking you over. “Aid to know what makes Homelander go-“ He makes a whistling sound, and Hughie nods.

“Exactly. I mean, with Solider Boy, it’s not like they’ll ever meet, right? Or like, talk. And if she’s going to stay-“

“We ain’t decided that yet, lad-“

“But my vote is she does!” Hughie’s voice is oddly pleading as he cuts off Butcher, and you don’t really understand why. “I think she could be useful! Just to like, heal us, right?”

“I’m with Hughie-“

Butcher rolls his eyes, cutting Annie off. “Ain’t that a shocker-“

"Well, I am!” Annie snaps, turning to Mallory. “My vote is she stays.”

Frenchie and Kimiko begin to agree, and you’re trying to focus on that instead of how they’d inadvertently revealed that they’d been considering getting rid of you instead of just poking your brain. You try to focus on how they’re trusting you with what’s likely top-secret information about Solider Boy—which you don’t really care about within itself, because what the fuck are you going to do with that knowledge—instead of how Butcher and MM seem to be unsure if you’re worth keeping around. In all fairness, MM seems more worried about your health, but Butcher seems to blatantly view you as a liability.

And you are. Everyone has somehow decided that you being smart and circumstantially helpful is worth how—with one wrong misstep or thought of Homelander—you might kill them all.

But Mallory gives in, says you can stick around to be a healer and extra set of hands, and that’s it. Butcher lost, and you’re part of this now. For good.

And that’s something. It’s a way to help. A way to not just be a body rotting in a white room or standing at a grave. It’s a way to drag yourself through blood and get everyone to an ending, even if you don’t see it. To offer the world a future where you’ll be covered in ash and nothing will matter, but everyone else will be safe.

You don’t really need to be safe, or happy. You just need to keep going until you collapse, and cut off your every limb until the world is happy, and crawl until they have a reason to bury you somewhere beautiful and alive.

End Note: Thank you to @thegildedblogger for the opportunity to make angst without being yelled at!

MM is God's Strongest Soldier, because can you imagine taking in a fire lady under the assumption she'll just help you kill Homelander, only for Her to immediately turn around and fall in love with your worst enemy? I'd cry.

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celestiamour · 1 month ago

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‧₊˚✧ ❛[ just one more rush ]❜

ft. lee myung-gi x f! reader (x kim jun-hee) — squid game

╰₊✧ a month after your break-up, you & myung-gi meet again at a party┊2.7k words

contains: smidge of smut but it’s mostly drama!! sighttt dubcon due to slight intoxication, hate sex, unprotected piv, myung-gi x jun-hee, on that note, cheating, because there’s also jun-hee x reader, all three of you are bisexual/pansexual in this, it’s messy

➤ author's note: i can’t believe this motherfucker was as popular as he was in my inbox (im si-wan ily btw), i couldn’t do much smut but at it’s something

“oh my god, you’re never going to guess who i just saw,” your friend gasped, running up to you and grabbing your arm to pull you in close for a whisper, almost knocking your cup out of your hand in the process. “lee fucking myung-gi is here! i swear, i’m gonna find whoever the hell invited him and shove my heel up their ass. who even invited his loser cryptobro ass anyway? i thought this was an event for celebrities, models, and influencers— you know, people who are actually relevant.”

“oh, come on, mi-na, it’s not that big of a deal,” you sighed. “it’s been a month already, we can’t stay avoiding each other forever. besides, there’s dozens of other people here, i doubt we’ll even say a word to each other.”

“but did you see that he brought some random bitch he brought as his plus-one? i mean, the fucking audacity after everything that has happened— i bet he’s just trying to make you jealous! she’s not even that pretty, not compared to you anyway!”

“don’t call her a bitch, we don’t even know her,” you scolded. “but is she really random, or she his new girlfriend?”

“well, doesn’t he usually make a post about his new partners, like, the day they start dating?”

“he might be keeping a low profile after the shitshow that was our relationship. i can’t blame him, those damn tiktok reporters were camping out at my condo for days.”

the history between you and myung-gi wasn’t complicated. in short: met through mutual friends, started crushing hard on each other, dated for three years, had everyone convinced you were going to get married, and then all of a sudden, it fell apart like there was nothing holding it together in the first place. the fact that both of you were pretty famous in your respective fields with millions of followers made the entire thing even worse when your business was shared with the entire world whether you liked it or not. rumors and speculation spread like wildfire on what went wrong. he cheated on you, you cheated on him, family disapproved, his crypto obsession, your lack of support, and literally anything else one could think of under the sun since the truth never came to light.

ever since then, you have burned bridges with each other, blocking each other on every social media platform a person could name, and spitting venom about each other every time their name was brought up in conversation. your attitudes have become so nasty that your circles were careful to ensure you wouldn’t encounter the other for a good long while, but clearly, there had been a mistake.

“look, they’re right over there, but don’t make it obvious that we’re talking about them.”

you followed her gaze past a couple of people dancing the night away, landing on a disgustingly familiar face handing a drink to the girl you could only assume was his latest lover. studying her face for a bit, you couldn’t help but chuckle before taking a sip of your liquor. “wait… she’s actually really fucking cute…”

“don’t tell me—”

“what? if you weren’t so blinded by your hate for myung-gi, you would have thought so too. you’d probably be over there talking to her instead of me, like you do for every other pretty girl. don’t start acting like you weren’t all over that girl with the piercings ten minutes ago…”

“oh, shut up!”

“hold on, he’s leaving her alone for some reason— i’m gonna go talk to her.”

before mi-na could say a word, you left her side and made a beeline to get to know this new girl. she was so out of place, sticking out like a sore thumb in her rather plain clothing compared to everyone else’s suits and glittering dresses. she also didn’t seem to recognize you when you approached her, which meant she was chronically offline since you haven’t gone out and not had your fame acknowledged by someone in half a decade.

“hey, i haven’t seen you around here before, what’s your name?”

she looked up at you through her thick lashes, staring for a few more seconds longer than what was friendly. “i-i’m jun-hee— kim jun-hee.”

“wow, beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” you giggled before introducing yourself. it’s such a cheesy line, one that makes your cringe slightly when you use it, but it always gets the flustered reaction you want, and she was no different. “i saw you come here with myung-gi, is he your boyfriend?” if she didn’t know who you were, then she definitely didn’t know that you were his ex.

jun-hee hesitated for a moment, “no, i’m not. we’re just friends.”

you’ve met thousands of people through your occupation and learned how to read them like books, and you could easily tell that she was lying through her teeth, but it all plays out perfectly for you. “so… could i get your number then? oh, i probably should have asked if you were even into girls first, sorry if i—”

“no, i am!” she exclaimed, blushing at her obvious excitement and her inability to hide it. she’s so out of her element at a party like this and found herself behaving in ways she wasn’t accustomed to. normally, she would be offstandish, maybe even rude towards you for hitting on her when she was already dating someone, but when he left her alone so quickly a mere few minutes after they arrived, she couldn’t help but feel frustrated with him when she specifically made him promise that he wouldn’t do so. it only made her more unsure of their relationship, so before she even realized it, she found herself typing her contact information into your phone.

“thanks! i’ll text you later, there’s this new cafe that opened up nearby with the prettiest pastries that i would love to take you to.”

“t-that sounds great! it’s a date then!”

you couldn’t help but smile as you left her to her own devices. even if it weren’t for her connection, you’re sure you still would have done the same, how could you not when she was so damn cute? that asshole really has the best taste in women—

“what the fuck was that about?”

speak of the devil. you didn’t even bother to hide your eyes rolling out of your skull when you finally looked at him face-to-face for the first time in an entire month. there was still an electric spark between you, even he could feel it, although neither of you were sure if it was from old romantic feelings or anger. probably a mixture of both since you both were known to be rather hot-headed, and people nearby were starting to notice this interaction.

“what are you talking about?”

“don’t play dumb with me,” he hissed. “why the hell were you talking to jun-hee?”

“what? two girls can’t have a chat?”

“not when one of the girls is you!”

“chill out, i didn’t try to start a fight with her or anything, i just wanted to get to know her and be friends.”

“oh, i’m sure friends are all you wanna be—”

“are you really talking to me like that? okay, let’s talk about how you left her to go talk to thanos. what was that all about? don’t try to hide it from me, i know he’s exactly your type in men!”

“i-it was nothing,” he scoffed nervously. “like i would even be interested in someone like him—” his eyes darted around before abruptly grabbing your wrist and dragging you away from the public eye, speaking before you could slap him away, “people are watching, let’s talk somewhere more private.”

“what is there to even talk about?!” your heels clicked against the ground as you were forced to follow him, unable to try and pull away out of fear of losing your balance until he dragged you out to the parking lot where there wouldn’t be a single soul watching. you could recognize hsi suv nearby in the dim light mounted high on the exterior wall of the building, still able to hear the faint music and yelling happening inside. “you do realize that by leaving the party like that, it raises a lot more questions than just talking normally?”

“i just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anyone around to eavesdrop on us…” your eyes drop to your hands, his still gripping onto yours, and you felt yourself cringe knowing what was coming next, “look, i want to start over, i know now that i made a mistake, and i can’t get you out of my head—”

“oh, come on, enough with the bullshit,” you scoffed, yanking yourself away from his grasp. “you’re only saying that because you got jealous, you’re always like that— we aren’t kissing and making up, we’re over!”

“really? because you seemed to be pretty fine with the idea two weeks ago.”

“keep you fucking voice down!” you hissed, looking around to ensure that no one heard that. “we were both too drunk to know what we were doing—”

“so you regret it?”

“what kind of fucking question is that? of course, i regret it! if i knew you were going to try and get back together after the fact, i wouldn’t have answered your call in first place after you acted like your life depended on it! do you even like jun-hee, or are you using her as a rebound?”

he didn’t say anything in response, with fists clenched and eyes staring down at the pavement. his silence spoke volumes, louder than any other statement that could come out of his lying mouth. you scoffed and turned around to leave, “that’s what i thought. just let it go, it’s over.”

before you could take another step, you felt him grab your shoulder and pull you back around in a single swift motion, trapping you in his arms and forcing you to look him directly in the eye. “is it really? are you really going to say you don’t feel anything right now?”

you stuttered, trying to think of a witty statement about how all you felt was anger before pushing him off, but you faltered. it felt just like when you were together, screaming nasty words at each other and slamming doors so hard that the neighbors could hear, but all it took was a passionate kiss to fix it all like it never happened.

it was supposed to be different now, but when his lips found yours, your resolve melted away like ice on a sunny day. you despise him, but more than anything, you despise the way he made you feel. when he holds you, it’s like you never broke up, like the days of sobbing while friends console you and partying the sadness away never happened.

however, that moment of sentimental feeling was short-lived. as soon as he let you go, you promptly slapped him in the face. “are you fucking crazy?”

then you shoved him up against a nearby wall before he could answer, pinning his down with all your strength and slamming your lips against his. he seemed surprised at the sudden aggression, but welcomed it nonetheless as he grabbed your face to reciprocate it.

by the time you let go of him, his lips were red and slightly swollen, eyes half-lidded and filled with lust, looking at you with a hunger you never thought you would ever see again. “so are you coming back to my place with me?”

“don’t ask stupid questions that you already know the answer to.”

it was a struggle to get to his house when his hands were all over you as soon as you two were in the privacy of his car, pushing you into the back seat and shutting the door behind him as he climbed on top of you. just as he was peeling your pretty party dress off, you were pulling at his white dress shirt until the buttons were popping off.

everything was happening too fast, and neither of you were in your right minds, drunk on a confusing mix of hate and love. you’ll blame the free liquor handed out earlier, but truth be told, you were only tipsy and still had your wits relatively intact. the familiar push and pull made it feel right even though it was anything but.

myung-gi paused for a second when he saw your undergarments, a sexy set of black lace he’s never seen before, pulling on the waistband with a detestfully handsome smirk, “seriously? were you expecting to get fucked tonight?”

“i was,” you confessed, shivering at the feeling of cold air hitting your heat as he thrust his fingers into your soaked core without a care about how rough he was being. “just not by you.”

the comment ticked him off as unwanted images of you in bed with someone else flashed in his mind, causing him to curl his knuckles against you sweet spot, “bet no one else would be able to fuck you as well as i can.”

you choked on a moan at the action, scratching your nails against his bicep, “can you keep your mouth shut? you’re ruining the mood.”

he scoffed, “of course, your highness.”

god, you hated him, but clearly, not enough to stop yourself from getting this far. trying to ignore the whirlwind of emotions, you sighed and decided to just shut off your thinking and enjoy this messed up situation, wrapping your arms around his neck as his fingers were eventually replaced with his cock.

he was trying to take it easy too, trying to savor the moment since he didn’t know if it would be his last. you really were something special to him, and he felt like his heart could explode when you held him like you loved him again. it wasn’t so much of the sex as it was the person he was having it with, and with every snap of his hips and soft gasp falling from your lips, he found himself wondering in between the haze of your tightness around him.

why did the two of you part when you were so perfect for each other? surely it wasn’t enough to separate you forever? maybe he could fix it, make it up to you, and you two will be able to get back together?

was it him or the alcohol thinking? they do say that alcohol brings out one’s true colors, but he can’t tell the difference anymore. all he knows at the moment is you, and helping you reach your climax and achieving his.

the rest of the night was a drunken blur. by the time you woke up, you were in the familiar location of his bedroom with his arm around your waist, your clothes nowhere to be found, and a banging headache as the sun peeked through the windows. god, what time is it?

it took you a minute to find your phone, but it read eleven in morning, and you had quite a few notifications to read through as you brushed your teeth and searched for something to wear while myung-gi was still asleep (there was still a considerable amount of your clothing at his place, things you forgot to pick up and things he forgot to throw out— or perhaps he kept them on purpose).

<mina-mina-ri!!> SEMI IS TAKING ME BACK TO HER PLACE!!!!! PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT ITS LIKE TO NOT BE WINNING AND I WILL NEVER KNOW where tf did you go???? okay real talk are you okay???? bitch you better text me back as soon as you see this

there were a few messages from some other people that you knew, and thankfully, no stupid posts catching you and your ex in the act, but a particular text from an unknown number caught your eye.

<unknown> hi! this is jun-hee, we met last night at the party

you couldn’t help but smile as you recalled the idea that came to mind last night, the idea to steal away his girlfriend for yourself. she didn’t really deserve that, to be used as a pawn in your petty war with him, but once again, you would have approached her even if it weren’t for her connection to him.

you didn’t even bother to look back at him before leaving with a baseball cap, sunglasses, and a face mask hiding your identity. you’re sure it won’t be the last time you’ll see him.

requests from anonymous

can you please do a lee myung-gi oneshot, the plot is up to you i just really wanna read something of him lol😭

hiii I wanted to ask you if you could do a smut with Lee Myung-gi x female reader only if it's not too much trouble, I can't find any 😭😭😭😭

PLZZ MYUNG GI SMUT FLUFF I ACCEPT EVERYTHING PLZLPZLPZL 😭😭

CELESTIAAAAAAAAA DROP A MYUNGGI FIC! AND MY LIFE—IS YOURS

#📜. her works #lee myung gi #lee myung gi x reader #lee myung gi smut #squid game #squid game x reader #squid game smut

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sombra7567 · 5 days ago

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Small Gifts

David x Bats

Platonic, fluff, little angst??

1290 words

Divider by @sweetparty

Bats is portrayed as female (based off my own headcanons, I will get around to drawing my design eventually-)

Most likely ooc and I'm not sure how to write a tsundere, SO here goes-

“When’s your birthday?”

The question came out of nowhere, completely unprompted. David mentally kicked himself in the silence that followed. He blamed his sudden chattiness on lack of sleep for the past couple of nights- his work had been particularly draining this week, and his nightly investigations with Bats didn’t help much.

But to be frank- he was curious. He had never asked much about Bats’s life. And it’s not like there was anything else to do while they waited for their next suspect vampire to come strolling along.

Bats glanced over at him in mild surprise, then her brow furrowed as her gaze shifted away from him slightly, staring off into the distance.

David waited for a minute before venturing, “Ah- if it’s too personal, I apologize-”

“No- no it’s not that,” Bats interrupted, waving a hand in his direction. She rubbed a hand across her face. “Damn, when is my birthday…”

“You don’t remember your own birthday?” David sounded slightly bewildered.

“July 20th!” Bats snapped her fingers as the answer finally came to her. “Oh- oh that’s in a couple of weeks, isn’t it? Funny.”

David looked at her quizzically. “Why’d that take you so long? You’re not that old a vampire…”

“Oh, so since I’m not ancient, I’m not allowed to have a bad memory?” Bats rolled her eyes and got up from her sitting position on the rooftop. She stretched her arms over her head and walked over to the railing.

She tapped a finger against the metal bar, thinking. “I would have been 29 this year.” Her voice caught slightly and she cleared her throat. “Um- yeah that’s weird to think about, isn’t it?” She turned back towards David, a teasing grin spread over her face. “Might be older than you, hunter.”

David studied her. The grin slowly disappeared, and she looked away again. “... You wanna talk about it?” he asked, in a surprisingly gentle tone.

Bats lifted one shoulder slightly. “I kind of stopped celebrating my birthday. Seemed kinda pointless when I’m just going to stay like… this… for the rest of my life.”

“No one else celebrates it with you? Friends, family?”

Bats gave a short, bitter laugh and ran a hand over her head. “Family, huh? Well… Dad’s never really been in the picture- he’ll show up every few years or so and we’ll catch up, but that’s about it. Ah… lost Mom six years back?” She bit the inside of her cheek and nodded, taking her hands off the railing and shoving them into the pockets of her hoodie.. “Yeah, that’s about when I stopped celebrating. And I asked my friends to stop too. I didn’t want to think about the fact that everyone I care about is going to leave while I’m still stuck here.”

David got up and joined her at the railing. “I’m- I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She shrugged and smiled at him. “That’s just life, isn’t it? Sometimes the ones you love have to leave before you. Although being a vampire does give you an interesting perspective in that situation.” She laughed again, a little more sadly this time.

“Anyway-” Bats glanced down at the street below. Her voice changed to her normal cheery tone. “I don’t think they’re going to show up tonight… you should head home and get some rest.”

“Did you wanna come over and have a drink?” David offered.

“I’m okay. I’m… I’m gonna take a walk. Creatures of the night and all.” She bopped him lightly on the shoulder. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

A couple of weeks later, David found himself standing awkwardly outside of an alternative clothing store in the mall. He studied the items inside and could feel himself about to laugh at the irony. His grip tightened slightly on the handle of the shopping bag he was holding. This is not a good idea. “Well, nothing for it,” he muttered under his breath. He walked in and glanced around, searching for a familiar face.

Surprisingly, no one appeared to be inside the shop. After walking around for five minutes, David turned to leave with no small amount of relief.

“Oh- welcome in! Sorry, I was a bit busy in the back- wait-”

David winced and looked over to his right. Bats was standing by a wall of shelves, arms filled with folded shirts, staring at him in utter disbelief.

There was a very long pause.

“... What the hell-”

“I can explain-”

“- are you doing here?” Bats set down the shirts with a soft thump and put a hand on her hip. “And what are you wearing?”

David looked down at his outfit. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“David. It’s Saturday. AT THE MALL. Why are you dressed like you got a meeting with your boss in five minutes?”

“I was busy!” he protested. “You’re more upset about the outfit than-”

“- you showing up here? Thanks for reminding me about that actually, I got sidetracked- how on Earth did you find out where I worked?” She was sorting through the shirts rapidly as she talked, putting them on the proper shelves.

“I’m good with computers, remember? And you showed up at my flat, that’s worse-”

“Okay, that situation was different-” Bats picked up a shirt and shook it out. “What size are you, large? Extra large?” “What?”

“Here.” She tossed the t-shirt at him and he caught it. It was black with the Arctic Monkeys logo printed across it in white. “Take that, it’s about time you get some actually normal clothes in your wardrobe.”

“Bats, I can’t just take this-”

“Sure you can, I was planning on buying it for you anyway and bringing it over tonight.” She finished putting up the shirts and started walking to the back of the shop, waving for him to follow. “I know you like their songs and I get an employee discount, so it works out. I’ll just pay for it when I’m done here. And it’s a nice way to round out your shopping trip… you better not have more dress shirts in there.” She jerked her head in the direction of the bag he was carrying. He stuffed the shirt under one arm.

“This actually isn’t for me.” David cleared his throat nervously.

Bats grabbed some boxes from the storeroom and walked past him, then wheeled back around to face him excitedly. “Shut up- oh my gosh, are you seeing someone?!”

“What, no I- ugh.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Would you give me a second to explain, Bats?”

“Alright, alright. What’s up?”

“I know… I know you don’t like people celebrating your birthday. But I saw this in a shop a few days ago, and I- I figured you might like it?”

Bats looked at the bag he was holding out to her, then set down her boxes and took it. She reached inside and pulled out a red and black hoodie. “Oh my-”

“Just- think of it as an appreciation gift- for helping out on the missions and such-”

“It has Yor on it, oh my gosh- you remembered I liked Spy x Family?!”

“You talked about it for half an hour on the last run,” David said flatly.

She tugged on the sweater and pulled the hood up, thrusting her hands into the pockets. “... Yeah, I might cry-”

“Please don’t, this is already awkward enough…”

“Thank you, David. Seriously this… this means a lot. Especially from you.” Bats smiled at him, her fangs glinting. “This made my day.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled back at her slightly. “And thanks for the shirt.”

“Are we meeting up tonight? I got a new lead.”

“Tonight then. See you later, little bats.”

“See you, hunter.”

#mage bunkshelf #mage bunkshelf vampire hunter #audio roleplay #david x bats #the bunkshelf fanfic

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bylerist · 2 months ago

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every day i become more and more convinced that milevens are some sort of elaborate social experiment because my autistic brain cannot even begin to comprehend how anyone �� anyone —can still ship mike and el after s4 — or honestly, even before that. it’s beyond logic. it’s beyond common sense.

and sure, love isn’t logical. love often defies common sense. but i still can’t wrap my head around how anyone can feel love for that ship. it doesn’t just defy logic, it defies basic observation skills. how can anyone can watch mike and el’s interactions — the awkwardness, the pretending to be other people, the straight up lying, the painful lack of chemistry — and be like “true love <3” ??? it’s almost impressive in it’s wrongness, like i honestly kind of admire their ability to be so aggressively wrong yet so confident.

the reality is i could spend years trying to understand them and still not succeed because there is no logic to it. they’re not logical or rational people. their operating system runs entirely on a mix of fantasy and delusion.

their neurons are firing fanfics directly into their visual cortex and calling it canon. mike could literally scream “I’M GAY” from the rooftops and they’d still be on twitter arguing that obviously he meant gay for el. it’s tragic. it’s hilarious. it’s a little sad.

they don’t love mileven — they love the imaginary version of mileven that they created in their heads that never truly existed outside of fics and fanart.

and sure, they’d probably say the same about byler — but we’ll see who’ll be laughing when s5 drops. spoiler alert: it’s not them. they’re really setting themselves up for disaster, rooting for a ship where both parties are so visibly unhappy in their relationship (and where one is so clearly in love with his best friend — but i digress).

i used to look at some of their accounts for the free comedy show back in 2022 but now when i’m exposed to their posts i’m just left kind of sad. also annoyed. if they’re crashing out this bad now i don’t even want to see what they have to say after s5. but yeah i genuinely want to study a mileven brain to see what the hell is going on in there.

is it just vibes, or a void perhaps? (probable)

is it pure stubbornness? (for sure)

is it homophobia? (check)

is it stockholm syndrome? science may never know.

another thing i don’t get: if i was deeply invested in a ship and a (very large) chunk of the fandom was absolutely balls to the wall convinced that one part of my ship was going to end up with someone else, i’d actually want to investigate why. if most the fandom was yelling at me that my ship was doomed and the evidence actually made sense, i might — oh, i don’t know — pay attention?

but alas. milevens survive by plugging their ears, chanting to themselves and everyone else that we’re “delusional weirdos" and praying that if they say it loud enough, reality will bend to their will— which, hey, good luck with that. you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves when s5 doesn’t go your way. i mean, you could try to blame it on fanservice, but in reality you just wanted to ignore four seasons worth of byler subtext so bad you’re gonna give yourself whiplash. should’ve read the room (and the facial expressions). it was all there. the entire time

and if any of you are reading this, hello. please let me study you. also screenshot this all you want but it’s going to be kind of embarrassing when you have to delete it after s5 because it will have aged like fine wine :) anyways, i truly hope you guys have an amazing time watching s5, because i know i will :)

#when it comes to them my pettiness knows no bounds #my mom said this was too mean but honestly ive been trying to embrace the parts of myself im not the biggest fan of #and one of those parts is i can be really mean when people deserve it #so here i am 🧍#will i regret this? perhaps #come at me in my asks i guess just know i Will be cackling #byler #anti mileven

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franollie · 1 year ago

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ok so back in december i posted some old marauders art i found in my digital sketchbook, and i said something along the lines of i want to make a post on the marauders fandom and how it’s changing fandom as a whole. and then i forgot about it. BUT BEHOLD! Fran’s study on transformative fandom through the marauders fandom! strap in because this is gonna be a long one:

I want to preface this by saying i have a lot of nostalgia for harry potter—more specifically the marauders—but i obviously do not support jkr and her transphobia.

reminder that I am critiquing the marauders fandom as a whole. as a w h o l e as in the collective fandom. not you specifically. okay?

now, if i remember correctly, the marauders fandom started because people shipped wolfstar and wanted to explore their dynamic in hogwarts. simple as that.

then, it came out that jkr was making blatantly transphobic comments. at this point in time, i had moved away from the harry potter fandom as a whole because i saw something shinier to hyperfixate on (hello sailor moon), so i’m foggy on the details in terms of the marauders fanbase at the time. but from what i understand people started pointing out the racism in the series as well.

flash forward to 2020–the marauders renaissance on tiktok. suddenly the marauders fandom was no longer just wondering what the 4 marauders + lily would have been doing in school. it had expanded to involve a diverse array of characters with agreed upon backstories. And it was really fun to dive back into the fandom. for many, it was reclaiming a series that held a lot of nostalgia to a lot of people from a bigoted woman.

however, i think with the rise in popularity of the marauders fandom—an entirely transformative fandom—fandom as a whole made a switch from creating fanworks out of love and respect for a piece of media to caring about the fan content first and foremost over the media itself. that’s not me saying that the marauders fandom is to blame for everything wrong with modern fandom—the lack of community, the complete disregard of canon characterization, lack of media literacy, etc.—but i do think the marauders fandom gave all these issues the little nudge they needed to take a deep rooted place in how fandom works.

when fandom becomes canon, it’s easy to ignore genuine problems within the fandom as “oh well its not really canon”. But thats really only true to a certain extent. Most people within the marauders fandom consider ATYD as the canon they follow when ATYD is in fact fan fiction. additionally, i’ve met people in the marauders fandom who haven’t read ATYD.

the marauders fandom is quite literally whatever you want it to be, and that’s fun but it’s not fandom in the traditional sense.

remember those new characters i mentioned earlier? well a large majority of them are women including many women of color. however, these women are almost entirely used as props for the boys’ stories and are entirely one dimensional. (lily is snarky and smart, mary is fun loving, marlene is a party animal, dorcas is cold-hearted softie, pandora is ditzy, but most importantly they’re all ✨girl bosses✨). that’s not to say these girls dont have potential for interesting stories or that no one writes them as three dimensional characters. but the fandom at large uses them as props for their favorite mlm ship. jegulus having more fics than jily (the only canon ship in this fandom) alone proves this point.

“but what about marylily/pandalily?” also great ships that i love, but they only really exist to get lily out of the way for james to be with regulus. thus, they are inherently supporting the internalized misogyny of the marauders fandom. i’m not disregarding people who do genuinely ship marylily and pandalily, but that is where the ships stemmed from.

first and foremost fandom is about loving the source material so much you’re inspired to engage with others who enjoy the source material. you can’t really enjoy fandom if you don’t know the characters or world you’re working with; kind of a “you have to know the rules before you break them” type of situation.

i could talk more on the internalized misogyny within the marauders fandom or how we can use the marauders fandom as a study on fandom in the modern age. instead, i’ll leave on this note: as i said before, fandom is about loving the source material so much you want to engage with others who enjoy the source material, and at the end of the day the source material for the marauders fandom is harry potter. and i don’t have much love left for a series that is transphobic or a fandom that doesn’t treat its women with the same care as it’s men.

to reiterate: i not implying that everyone who enjoys marauders materials supports jkr, in fact i’d go as far to say most marauders fans are actively against jkr. however, i feel uncomfortable in a space that fundamentally cannot exist without harry potter.

i have a lot of ideas for marauders stuff and i still enjoy these characters (namely dorlene and jily) but me including my versions of these characters doesn’t really solve the problem. atp can the problems even be solved? idk this got away from me, and i still have more thoughts.

so yeah! peace love and trans rights 🫶 probs won’t post much marauders stuff—not that i really did before but some of you follow me for marauders content for some reason???

#i feel the need to say this again because ik people will ignore it #this is not me being ‘morally superior’ or anything #simply me expressing my own thoughts and feelings towards the fandom AS A WHOLE #also i do not support jkr and by no means want anyone who is in the marauders fanbase to buy her books and support her #okay? okay #fandom criticism #fandom meta #marauders #marauders fandom #fran talks

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chronic-gastro-illness-culture · 9 months ago

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cw for n* , mentions of food related issues , ableism (? and religious themes So. i have used this blog before to vent but i think i would be lying if i said this is the first time i am genuinely scared and unsure of what to do , my main 2 "big" diagnosis is that i have chronic gastritis with acid reflux and IBS , i have some other stuff but its more minor it seems ? anyways , i have been having one of the worse flare ups in my life for the past few weeks , the meds i got prescribed on my last doc appointment didn't do shit , i am waking up in pain and have to rush to the bathroom inmediately most of the days , i also feel n* as soon as i wake up , i am rarely hungry but my n* gets worse from not eating but then i try to eat and get n* mid eating and it takes me a lot of effort to finish up my meal , some days even sitting down and getting up hurts so i gotta just. lay down My mom has beef with my go to doctor and she keeps yelling at me for wanting to go see her cus i feel so misserable and out of energy and she keeps insisting im being "adoctrinated by her" and that my illness is caused by my "lack of Faith" and that i needto "open my eyes" yet she has meds prescribed by the very same doctor but she still takes them ??? so its ok for her to listen to the doctor but for me it isnt ???? so she decided shes gonna take me to a """""specialist"""" in alternative medicine , what form of alternative medicine you ask ??? buckle up the specialist uses herbal remedies (someting i already tried before and didnt work) and apparently uses the eyes iris to make their diagnosis..... like- just looking at it ......so , i went to do a quick search on this so called pseudocience and the LITERAL wikipedia page for it says that it has NO accurate and reliable scientific studies to back it up , and the studies ran to test is accuracy said its no any better than just guessing the illness by chance , but shes determined to take me there and not my doctor , i dont know what to do , my parents are desperate to find a "cure" for me and yell at me if i ever bring up my illness being chronic , but if this alternate medicine is just as effective as the other herbs and teas i've tried before then chances are i'm gonna stay just the same if not worse and i'm gonna get blamed and lashed out at (cus apparently all i need is "a positive mindset" to cure myself according to them) idk what to do , i have no money and no energy to do commissions to try get my own means to deal with my illness my own

That sounds like a really rough situation to be in.

If you’re not a minor, we suggest reaching out to your doctor on your own and let them know you’re experiencing interference from your parents. They may be willing work with you to figure out a way to get you to and from future appointments.

If you’re a minor, we don’t really know what advice to offer, I’m sorry.

It’s a horrific form of ableism to be stripped of your autonomy like that, and we hope you can get out of that situation soon, if possible.

#anonymous #vent #ableism #advice

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ruminate88 · 10 months ago

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High Stress Cortisol??

08/16/24

Aside from the dopamine hits, the stress my ex Andrew brought me was frustrating and hurtful… All I wanted was to spend time. I felt I loved him so much but he was bread crumbing me and yet he loved the attention I gave him too. College was his main focus and excuse every time he ignored me…

Whenever he couldn’t spend time with me it was, “Oh I have to study.”, “Oh I have a meeting”, “oh im mentoring freshman at the library.” Or he was at the frat house and claimed how stressed out and tired he was… I noticed he partied A LOT. He would send me selfies from the frat house but yet he was always sitting by himself…. Weird. He never included any of his bros or his lil bro. 😝

and I just felt like he kept me soooo secretive!! It was hurtful cuz I was trying to incorporate him into my life. I tried so hard!!

When it was time for him to take his finals, WOW. He was a monster 🤪 All he talked about was “I’m gonna fail” and “I have to study or I’m gonna fail.” I would say the most encouraging things I could think to say to this man and he would not receive it and make me feel like becuase I wasn’t in college, that I did not understand him….

Also, I would be trying to send him loving messages and spend time but he would cry, “I have to focus!!” SOOOOO, I would get upset and disappointed and say to him, “If you’re too stressed, I don’t wanna cause you more stress. We can take a break and you can focus on your finals.” I OFFERED HIM SPACE despite my disappointment and frustration and he would cry, “You’re making it worse!!!” Wow…. I told him, “I’m trying so hard to help you!!” Ugh 😣

NOTHING helped that man. He was purposely making feel bad. He was purposely saying hurtful things and he wanted to upset me but wanted the attention.

WAS he really upset cuz he was afraid to fail his exams or was he upset cuz he’s got a new girl and hes hiding me from her?? Idk…. But he would get defensive that he didn’t wanna breakup and promise me he was just stressed about his finals and homework. Okay but, I would offer him space and he would say, “It’s ok… you can text me I’m just really busy.”

He was always busy 😭😭😭 and I told him over and over AND OVER he’s too busy for our relationship that he should just focus on school. I meant that out of true love for him. Even though I didn’t wanna break up, I didn’t wanna be selfish but that man is VERY selfish. The way he held me hostage in that relationship!!

Even when I found proof that he cheated on me and confronted him, he denied it, blames me for “catfishing him” and STILL makes excuses not to break up. Talks circles around me…. The day we were on the phone for 3 hours straight trying to break up but he won’t and my stomach was shaking and I was on the verge of a breakdown. I KNEW he didn’t love me but I was so confused why he would not end it with me 😭😭😭😭 he even asked for more time to think it all over 💔💔💔

Ultimately I had to end it with him but he had NO EMOTIONAL RESPONSE!! 😞😞😞 It literally felt like even though I said “it’s over” he was the one who made it real. He asked me to still be friends with him 🥴🥴 I said okay but I was stunned at his lack of emotion. It SUCKED for me and made NO SENSE at the time. (I understand more now) He ultimately stopped responding to my text and I spent the rest of the night locked in my bathroom with my fan on, crying and shaking so hard!!!!!! That boy shattered my heart.

Gosh the way he kept gaslighting me and making me crushed. I wanted him!!! I wanted to love him so wholeheartedly but it just wasn’t possible with him ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 sad but it’s life. I’ve been accepting that every day since I blocked his number. 😭😭😭💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 one day at a time I’m getting over him and healing the wounds. It’s been a long and difficult journey but I do see light at the end of this ❤️‍🩹 I still care about what happens to him but I’ll never trust him again and I know I can’t ever let him back in cuz he’ll only continue to crush me. 😭❤️‍🩹

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toournextadventure · 2 years ago

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thunder and lightning

Summary: You're trying to study for your O-chem exam when a storm knocks the power out, and your skittish girlfriend needs comfort.

Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: light swearing Pairing: Enid Sinclair x Reader

The heavens had opened up to unleash a flood. Lightning lit up the sky and occasionally your room, which was lit with candles due to the power outage. The flashes were quickly chased by thunder that roared so loud you could hear the vials on your shelves shake. On any other night you would have loved it, might have even sat out on the porch to watch and listen.

But you very much needed it to not be storming at the moment.

You had an exam to prepare for. A very important exam that was going to be the deciding factor for if you would need to take O-Chem again. How could you be expected to study for it when your candles were burning out and you still had four more chapters to go over.

Another flash of lightning lit up the room, almost taunting your lack of adequate lighting.

"Thanks a lot," you mumbled as you looked out the window into the pouring rain. "A load of help you are."

Thunder quickly followed.

"Dickhead," you mumbled again.

You were digging in your drawer for another candle when you heard frantic knocking on the door. Your roommate was gonna be at a frat party all night so you hadn't been expecting any company. But you were nothing if not curious, so you abandoned the candle search and opened your door.

And there stood sweet Enid, pulling her jacket tight around her shoulders and shivering as if she had been stuck in the cold.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" You asked as you ushered her in, giving her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth when she passed.

"You know I hate storms," she whined, "and Willa kicked me out."

"I fear your roommate a healthy amount," you said as you locked the door, "but I'm gonna respectfully kick her ass."

"I don't blame her," Enid said softly. You could see her shoulders shaking under her jacket. "I did try to crawl under her shirt when I heard thunder."

"You did?" You asked, freezing in your movements to grab her a blanket.

"It's scary, okay?" Enid pouted with another audible whine. You hadn't been around many werewolves - or any werewolves - but you found it adorable.

"Need some comfort?" You asked simply.

She didn't answer, just nodded and ran forward to wrap her arms around your waist. You didn't hesitate to pull her tight, one hand on her back while the other held her head to your chest. Her body was shaking, getting worse when another flash of lightning was followed by thunder. Even though you couldn't exactly hear it, you could feel her whine at the sound. If her tail had been it, you had no doubt it would be tucked between her legs.

"As much as I love you," you said softly with a kiss to the top of her head, "and I would love to cuddle," another kiss, "I still have to study."

"You're gonna leave me?" She asked, her voice muffled by the fact her face was still shoved into your chest.

"I only have an hour or so of candlelight left," you said. But when you looked at the candles, you sighed. An hour was a stretch.

“You’re gonna leave me for an hour?” Enid whined again, pulling back just enough to look up at you with watery eyes.

“I’m not leaving you.” You did your best not to laugh at her. Okay, you wouldn’t laugh at her, you would laugh with her. “I’ll just be at my desk.”

“And where will I be?” She asked.

Just then, as if on cue, a crack of thunder shook everything in the room. You heard a bark - a yip, if you will - come from Enid before she darted closer, immediately crawling under your shirt. Her hair tickled on your stomach and you had to fight the laughter bubbling up in your throat when her fingers grazed your side.

“Enid,” you called out, finally laughing when her breath tickled your neck. “You can’t fit in my shirt.”

She didn’t say anything, just pulled you tighter. Her entire body was shaking and her little whimpers were starting to make you sad. The poor thing. She truly was like a puppy; scared of storms and needing that comfort. Part of you wanted to push her away because you shouldn’t give them attention, it would encourage them to seek it during the next storm.

But Enid wasn’t a puppy, she was your girlfriend. A furry girlfriend, sure, but that didn’t change anything. She was your girlfriend, and she was terrified of the storm, and she needed you to comfort her. So you wrapped your arms around her and held her close.

“I guess I can study like this,” you mumbled, shuffling you both over to the desk to grab your textbook.

“Yes you can,” Enid replied from within your shirt. You felt her lips press against your collarbone in a soft kiss.

“You’re a brat,” you mumbled, but awkwardly bent your neck to kiss the top of her head that was slowly starting to poke out from the collar of your shirt.

She was going to stretch it out. Maybe she should just keep it.

You managed to grab your things and toss them onto your bed before realising you still had to get up onto the top bunk. Which would be impossible with the little leech that was still under your shirt. You didn’t have her werewolf strength - or any strength, for that matter - so you couldn’t just carry her. But heaven help you if you tried to push her away for the moment.

Wait.

Enid whined again when you grabbed the hem of your now irreversibly stretched out shirt. You pulled it over Enid and yourself, quickly just pulling it off completely. Her shaking increased, but you leaned down to hook your arms under the back of her thighs. Thankfully she took the hint and jumped up, her legs quickly wrapping around your waist while her arms wrapped around your neck.

It was a miracle you managed to climb up to your bunk. You wouldn’t necessarily consider yourself weak, but - and you would never tell Enid this - werewolves were heavy as fuck. Like, she was just dense, stocky, a giant wolf’s worth of weight packed into one tiny human girl’s body. So you were pretty proud of yourself when you sat on your bed, Enid clinging tight like a baby monkey.

God, you loved her.

“Are you really not going to pay attention to me?” Enid asked when you were only five minutes into studying.

“Enid, my love, I have to study,” you huffed. “I am not taking this class again, it was hell the first time.”

“But you have to pay attention to me,” Enid whined, “I’m scared.”

To emphasise her point again, thunder rumbled immediately after.

“Baby please,” you said with a chaste kiss on her lips, “just two more chapters.”

“Your degree is ruining everything,” Enid grumbled, throwing herself back into your lap. As if she had ever left in the first place.

“Well, I am a student,” you said quietly, knowing she wasn’t paying attention.

Her fingers traced patterns on your shoulders, your back, your arms, every inch of skin she could find. Your arms instinctively wrapped tighter around her when you saw the lightning, preparing for the thunder. She would shake and whine and maybe bark a little if it was extra loud, but then would quickly settle back into your lap again.

“Please be done,” Enid mumbled into your neck when you turned the page of your notebook.

You closed your tired eyes and sighed deeply. Maybe she was right. It was late as hell, the storm had finally settled to little more than the occasional rumble, and if you didn’t know the material by now then you never would. Without a verbal answer, you closed your books and tossed them to the bottom of the bed.

Enid practically purred when you pulled the both of you down to the bed and your arms wrapped around her. She turned around so her back was pressed to your front and snuggled in for the long haul.

“Good night, baby,” you whispered, leaving a lingering kiss on her temple.

“Mmm good night,” she mumbled back with another attempt to get closer.

God, you loved her.

#enid sinclair x reader #enid x reader

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queriesntheories · 2 months ago

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alright ramble from a first time listener incoming, there be spoilers down here

I really like where this is going- I kinda feel bad that all the Spotify comments keep making comparisons to Magnus Archives but also I kinda see the vision (and also the description of the dreamers made me say out loud “hey the edge of sleep called”). The whole thing is “two souls bound together by circumstances beyond their control/understanding” and like if you’ve seen the last season of Archives it’s like. Yeah no wonder the crossover is there I can ab I really feel for these two- I’m slow to pick up and remember some things (I blame my lack of sleep lately) but I just love love love this story so far. It’s quite bittersweet in a way, these two who just barely know the other but have no choice but to continue, to delve into the abyss, “the keenest form of fascination.” (didn't even know that was a Lovecraft quote until someone brought it up!)

On another note, the slow gathering of John’s humanity, his control over Arthur being potentially commanded by when Arthur obeys his commands or desires… (not entirely sure, something something Yellow King soul stuff I bet) that's a whole Thing goin on over there AND!!! despite his warnings that he can’t be fully trusted, Arthur still trusts him regardless, because they’re all they have, and their collaboration is life or death. I love that sooooo much goddd

This is less “gnawing at the bars of my enclosure” and more “I am fascinated by you and I will watch you very very closely.”Not like a scientist studying bacteria, but like watching through a porthole into an aquarium and being an observer of all the life that exists there

ALSO specifically on that humanity/empathy part… that bit when Arthur was bleeding out:

JOHN: Arthur? ARTHUR (weak): John. I feel… JOHN: Arthur… you’ve been shot in the chest. ARTHUR: I can’t feel – JOHN: Just – Arthur, I’m – ARTHUR: I’m sorry. JOHN: I… Arthur, you have nothing – ARTHUR (soft): I’m scared. (John gasps softly.) ARTHUR: Th – the Dark World? JOHN (intent): I’ll meet you there, friend.

AND when he realised he’s on the verge of death and he’s not gonna be able to get up.

JOHN (sighing softly): "Just… let it come. You’re not alone.”

Like. Fuuuuuuck dude ; ; Really sad but. Also comforting somehow?

I have a massive fear of death but sometimes when I hear people comforting the dying it feels quite human somehow

And for all John’s talk of “we left comfort back in Arkham idiot” this is the most comforting we’ve seen him so far. He does help compose Arthur when he was new to all this, having the occasional panic attack, but like. That felt significant

still just. hooooooo boy all i am thinking of is the scorpion and the frog metaphor and I NEED to COOK some FANART

ALSO THANK YOU @potato-lord-but-not FOR MAKING THE VERY VERY COOL PIECE OF FANART THAT GOT ME INTO THE SHOW YOU'RE AWESOME :)

giggling and kicking my feet (i am thinking about yet another pair of characters that are bound to each other despite the horrors) while my jaw is wide open (the design and sound mixing in the season one finale was [incomprehensible sounds describing fascination and shock and excitement and confusion])

#malevolent podcast #malevolent #q rambles #i am still so pissed i am getting on the hype train when it's the last time this show will have a hype train because of a new season #but i am going to enjoy this show regardless #genuinely making my days so much more fun listening. god i fucking love podcasts

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claraswritings · 2 years ago

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Stay For Now, I Love You Forever

Pairing: Steven Grant x Reader (a tiny bit of Marc Spector x Reader- pining)

Summary: Steven meets a girl. Steven falls for her. Marc falls too.

Warning: Some angst. Set mostly pre-series. (Also for the sake of the fic, Marc is already divorced). First time writing Steven/Marc/Moon Knight system. This is not spell checked as I’m posting at nearly 2AM lol.

A/N: Meant to finish this sooner but I got Covid :( Tagged @marvelenthusiast10 )

***

“Okay Steven…what’s your symptoms.”

The man before you shifted in the chair, drumming his fingers on his jeans, eyes flickering over the walls. It looked like he was battling the urge to run away. It was obvious that he felt awkward, and you couldn’t blame him. It was pretty bizarre having to explain your sleep symptoms to a total stranger.

“Right…” Steve started then trailed off “Sorry Uhh…” he hesitated once more as he looked away from you and rested his gaze on the view from the window. where he could see I t had started to snow heavily.

“Huh…it’s snowing.” He commented “Didnt know it was going to snow? Did you?…Do you think the buses will be running?”

Sensing his rambling was a outburst of nerves, something to distract himself, you attempted to placate him “I didn’t…but I like the snow… I’m sure the buses will be fine but I’ll check the TfL website for you before you go. Do you need a drink?”

Steven brought his dark eyed gaze back to you. “Right sorry, sorry…” he muttered, scratching his jaw… “I’ll get to the point and stop rambling…”

“It’s okay…take your time…” you reassured him. “I have lots of time”

He hesitated, once more before he took a breath for composure

“Okay, so sometimes, yeah, I wake up… and…I‘ve lost… hours or even sometimes days at a time…like couple of weeks ago… I went to bed on Friday…” he gestured, with one hand, the sleeve of his over sized jacket sliding up as he did “but I woke up on Sunday…but I’m still tired…Fell asleep on the bus…” he trailed off for only long enough to rake a hand through his wavy dark hair “Feel like I’ve been hit by one too.”

He gave you a muted smile, as he pulled the long sleeves of his blue jacket back down.

Your lips lifted at corner as a response to his joke, and you nodded slowly, writing down what he was saying.

“That’s not normal is it? Losing days…” He frowned a little, his gaze on you, as you could feel him almost crying out for help “I feel like I’m losing my bloody mind.” He mumbled, his voice quiet.

“No Steven, you’re not, a lack of sleep can do all sorts of things to our bodies, that’s why I’m here. Sleep is a very difficult thing to get right… but we can help you…once we work out what might be causing whatever is happening…do you have any other symptoms? Do you ever sleep walk?”

“See… I thought maybe I did, cause I’d wake up and be like coming back through the door…” Steven leant forward, uncrossing his arms to draw a circle in the air “But like the sand circle would still be yknow in a circle, right? So I can’t be?” He spoke as if he was offering a suggesting, shoulders moving up and down in a shrug that did not look as nonchalant as he had clearly hoped

Now he’d lost you.

“Sand circle?”

“Oh god I’m gonna sound like a right weirdo…” he flopped back in the seat. “I put the sand circle around my bed…, yeah, cause if I was sleep walking I’d shuffle and ruin it.” Steven explained with a wave of his hand. “Wouldn’t I?”

You had to admit it, it was clever, if a little unconventional. “Yeah, that’s actually quite a good idea… never heard that one but I like it.” You nodded encouragingly. As the years you’d spent helping set up various sleep studies, you’d heard all the classics-no caffeine, no cheese, lavender oil, hot baths, white noise, black out curtains… but you’d never heard of using a sand circle to test if you were sleeping walking.

“That and the restraint on the bed.” Steven tacked on then instantly realised what he clicked your eyebrows shooting upwards “Not like that...I’m not like…” He muttered, a red creeping up over his face, as his hand crept up to itch the back of his neck. “Don’t really get the chance for anything like that with the…funny sleeping stuff and that…” he trailed off.

stoptalking stoptalking stoptalking stoptalking. He told himself internally and shook his head, trying not to visibly shudder at his own awkward comment. How he’d just told you, the prettiest woman he’d seen in…god knows how long, that he had a restraint on his bed. God Steven, way to show off your glaring red flag.

“You…you have a restraint?” you paused, trying not to smile at the flustered man before you, as he now was staring directly at the spot where your desk met carpet. “To prevent the sleepwalking of course.”

The comment about not having the chance stuck out to you. Must mean he’s single.

“Yeah, uh..I have tape too for the… for the door. So I can’t get out and bother anyone…Tried to keep myself up aswell, listened to a podcast and did the stuff it said… puzzles, reading books, all that…didn’t work though…”

His eyes shot back to you as hand ran through his thick wavy hair again Everything about him was a bundle of nerves from the fidgeting to the eyes looking from you to the window and back to the tangents, now on top of that, he was worried his sleep issue would bother anyone. You couldn’t help but feel for him.

“And how long have you been using these… techniques for?”

“Oh god…” he blew out a long exhale “I don’t actually know…to be quite honest…ages now…Doctor”

“It’s okay Steven, anything that can help you is worth trying…and I’m not a doctor… I’m a sleep…tech…” you held your hands up. “I just check you in and help with results.”

“Oh..sorry…” he faltered, a little embarrassed , trying to find the words “…Ms. Sleep… Tech…Technician?… Technologist?”

He cringed inwardly at his own sentence only seconds after the words had left his mouth and for the… he’d lost count… time since he’d entered the room.

“Just….[Name]”

Once again, you weren’t pulling back, recoiling or phased by his awkwardness. You were, much to his surprise, smiling at him. Not the weird passive smile Donna gave him when asking, or rather telling him, to stay late. Not the fake nicety smile exhausted tourists usually gave him, you were actually smiling at him like you thought he was funny. The smile you were giving him was so genuine and warm, he felt himself relax under your eyes.

“You must always be well rested. Must be nice.” Steven attempted to extend the conversation, hoping his attempt wasn’t too ungraceful.

“Ah. You’d be surprised,” There was a smile toying at the corner of your mouth “I’m better at giving advice than I am at following it.”

“Suppose It’s like chefs innit…they come home and probably just Deliveroo themselves a Nando’s or KFC or something?”

You laughed “Yeah, exactly what I mean…Now look…I know this is going to sound cliche but…problems with sleep, it’s more common than you think.” Pausing, you put your notebook down, and leant in, elbows planted on the desk. “But basically in your deepest stage of sleep… your brain switches off the muscles… so you won’t be acting out your dreams or anything crazy. If you are in that stage, you won’t go anywhere, Steven.”

You turned one of your folders over and pushed a case plan towards him, and pointing out the diagrams with the end of your pen.

“We’ll chart your brainwaves whilst you’re asleep… then we can use them to work out what’s going on.”

“And that’ll help me?” He sounded hopeful as his gaze ran over the notes, following your make shift pointer.

“Yeah I hope so, i mean it might not stop the processes but it’ll help us understand what’s going on.”

“You must think I’m a right weirdo…but it’s nice…to talk to someone that isn’t my fish…or the living statue bloke,” Steven turned back to you, giving you a thankful look. “Or my boss.” He pulled a face.

“I don’t think you’re weird, Steven… I want to help you. I’ll listen for as long as you need me to”

You hadn’t automatically assumed he was some weirdo which was a relief. He felt comfortable with you like you actually wanted to help him rather than judging him.

There was a moments silence, then your eyes flicked down to the notebook that lay between you and back to Steven.

“Do you drink tea…or coffee?”

“Oh… um, just tea with soy milk and one sugar. Sometimes a hot chocolate? Although that’s not caffeine is it? I wouldn’t mind one of those flavoured ones, Think they do them that cafe around the corner if you’d like?” He grinned somewhat awkwardly “they do refills…which you know in London, gotta get your moneys worth… it’s expensive.”

You felt a heat creep up your face “Erm…it’s for the questionnaire? I need to know how much caffeine you’re drinking?”

“Oh..oh god I’m sorry, I’ve just put my foot in it havent I?… I thought you were…and now I’m rambling, I do that…”

“But…yes Steven. I’d love to have any hot drink with you…”

“Wait. Really?” Steven faltered, surprised.

“Of course. I finish at half five. I’ll meet you there.”

And when you’d walked into the cafe, saw him already waiting there, drink gently steaming on the table and book in hand, reading glasses on, you’d slid in beside him and had never looked back.

When Steven offered to meet you at your flat to go for dinner two days later, you agreed. It was suggestion, that had it come from any of the fuck boys in your Tinder matches would have had you hitting the un match button…but with Steven…you knew he was being sweet.

You knew he wasn’t just asking to try get into your place and into your underwear, although you wouldn’t have minded. He was asking because he didn’t want you to walk to the Tube station alone in the dark.

Steven had wrapped up in a winter coat, and worn a dark blue scarf and matching gloves. He brought chocolate and a dozen pink roses, which as he’d handed over, he’d told you that he noticed your notebook had been pink and thought it was a safe bet for the colour. Before you could say thank you he’d already apologised for the chocolates incase you hated them or incase he’d got the colour wrong.

You’d kissed him on the cheek, told them they were perfect and that you’d share the chocolates with him, before linking your gloved hands together and starting your walk to your favourite Asian restaurant in Camden, where he’d had a tofu version of a curry and you’d had chicken teriyaki skewers. It was closing time before you’d left arm in arm, giggling as you walked together.

As you made your way back to the Tube station, Steven had excitedly wanted to try a bubble waffle, so you’d opted for a shared vegan friendly version and ate it with two forks. You’d hugged him outside the station then met him outside his work two days later…and before long you’d fallen into an easy pattern of dating.

The first time he hadn’t called when he said he would, was one month into dating and he was eight hours late. Steven had saw the voicemails left from you and panicked, fully expecting the “you’re an arsehole, never talk to me again” but no, you’d called him to check he was okay, came by his place and even posted a card through his letterbox telling him you were thinking of him and you hoped he was okay.

You were worried.

Steven kept that card in the top drawer of his beside table alongside a napkin from your first date, one of the gratuity sweets from your second, the first note you’d ever wrote to him, a puzzle you’d bought to do together and a model pyramid you’d saw online and thought of him. You’d said you just saw it on Amazon, but it wasn’t one you could just buy. Steven knew from the model that you’d have had to buy it from a specific retailer. You’d never tell him you googled it specifically but he loved that you did.

He knew he loved you then and there

“Hey babe.” You stuck your head around the entrance to the gift shop and grinned at him.

Steven, at the sight of you, dropped the plush back into a box and ran to you, squeezing you tight.

“Hiya love, I’m just finishing up here. Won’t be five minutes and I’ll be over to you” he kept his hands on your waist as you wrapped yours around his neck and kissed him before reaching up and straightening the collar of his patterned shirt

“Okay, babe. I’ll just wander around. We can go to that new bakery if you like. I’ve checked the menu, they do have vegan options.”

His lips curled into a smile and he squeezed your hand by way of thanking you before you headed off to wait for him.

“That sounds brilliant. Really good!”

“Stevie!” A call rang out from across the room and Steven rolled his eyes

“Oh fuck Donna.”

“Stevie! I told you the answers no. So just stop talking to guests…alright? Leave it to the real tour guides…”She turned to you, not giving him the chance to reply “Is he bothering you?”

“Actually…” you wrapped your arm around Steven. “He’s not. I’m…”

“Oh…Stevie’s girlfriend.” Donna pointed at you “Gunna be honest, thought he’d made you up. Kept saying you were dead pretty and let him talk. Didn’t actually think you were real.” She laughed mirthlessly. “Thought he was bothering the guests again!”

“Well Steven is a wealth of information, and I want my info from the best source” you gave her as friendly of a smile as you could muster.

“Best source is a tour guide” she smiled “but I’m glad he has someone to listen to his weird rambling.”

“I’d rather hear about it from someone with a passion for it”

“I’m sure our guides are plenty passionate.” She turned on her heel to face Steven. “Clock off please. I’m not paying you to chat to your girlfriend.”

“Sure, Donna. Pleasure as always.” He gave a curt wave, however she had already stalked off before she could return the acknowledgment. “Back in a sec, love.” He leant in and pecked your lips before disappearing off to clock out.

When he returned a few minutes later you linked you arm through his, and noticing he looked slightly dejected, attempted to offer him some comfort.

“She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on. I’ve done a few of these tours and I’ve learnt more from listening to you at home than I have from any of them”

“Really?” He perked up “Cause we have this new exhibit, it’s basically like the super group of Egyptian gods and it’s really interesting…the posters only show seven but there’s nine and…” Steven was suddenly conscious he was babbling but when he looked at you, he was still holding your attention.

“Tell me about it?” You asked him.

“About the super group?” Steven was quick to check, excited at the chance to discuss his passion before stopping. “I don’t want to bore you, love”

“You won’t.” You gave his arm a reassuring squeeze through

Steven could never bore you, everything about him was captivating. He was so excited and so passionate about Egyptian mythology that you couldn’t help but be drawn in by his wide eyed enthusiasm. You liked it when he went off on a tangent. It was cute.

“I love you, you know. And not just because you let me go on about Egyptology or that, I just really do love you, and I never thought I’d get that.”

“I love you too Steven.” You kissed him. “Now tell me about these super gods, I wanna know about the missing ones…”

***a few weeks later***

Marc froze. You were half asleep-half awake, the lights from the window, casting bright lights through the window of Stevens flat. You looked angelic, the slopes of your face, the curves of your body as you pulled the duvet tighter.

He’d watched from the background as you and Steven had fallen for each other over the past few months and Marc had, having seen how you were to Steven, had fallen for you too.

He’d realised it when he saw how gentle you were with Steven, after he’d woken one night when you’d been staying the night. He’d stumbled back to bed, a struggle to keep control of the body and barely collapsed into a half slumber before Steven had woke with a jolt around fifteen minutes later, pulling hard at the restraint and checking around him.

**flashback**

“Hey hey, it’s me babe, you’re okay…” you, on instinct, sat up next to Steven. He was checking the restraint, pulling at it hard to make sure it was in place. “…Steven, babe. You’re here, I’m with you, it’s okay.”

You reached for him slowly not making contact until Steven turned to meet your eyes. He was breathing heavy, chest heaving and shoulders tight, brow furrowed as you wrapped one arm around him and held his hand with the other.

“Steven. You haven’t had anything like this in a while.”

It was the first time you’d been there when it had happened. Usually, if Steven had a rough night, he’d call you and you’d talk and you’d stay with him listening.

“Im here babe.” You whispered

“Youre here.” His voice sounded so small and lost and such a far cry from how you’d ever heard him. A part of your heart broke seeing your usual bubbly, chatty Steven such a wreck. “I thought you’d left.”

“No. No.” You pulled him into you, lying back with his head on your shoulder as you carefully carded your hand through his curls. “I’m not leaving.…” You reached for his hand and pressed a kiss to the back of his knuckles. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Please stay for now”

“Of course, for as long as you need me.”

Marc had felt so guilty that night that he’d resolved that he wouldn’t go far when you were staying the night. Steven deserved some happiness, a sense of peace, some chance to be normal so tonight he’d kept it short, a quick hour before returning back to you.

Marc wondered if he’d met you first…rather than Steven, would you have fallen in love with him? Would you be stroking circles on his back and whispering sweet nothings to him when he woke in the dead of the night, freaked out and panicking.

He doubted it. Everything you loved was so rooted in Steven. Sweet, endearingly quirky, good-natured, warm hearted, clever Steven, who was nothing like Marc.

You were always staring at Steven, looking in his big wide eyes, playing with the fluffy curls that Marc usually slicked back, sliding your hands under Steven’s oversized clothes that Marc hated, asking him questions about the book Steven was reading that Marc didn’t know anything about, offering suggestions for whatever puzzle Steven was looking at that Marc didn’t care for, you cooked Steven vegan versions of your own lunches where Marc would have preferred the meat, you left cute notes for Steven to find. You called him Babe all the time.

Steven deserved the world but, god how Marc was jealous. He wanted you to look at him the way you looked at Steven. He could feel it heavy on his shoulders as he breathed and like an open wound in his chest.

“Steven?” He froze in the spot where he was, you turned over in the bed, voice half asleep. “Come back to bed. It’s cold.” You muttered

“Shhh, back to sleep.” He had hoped you wouldn’t notice the change from London to American as he whispered approaching the bed.

“Babe you’re talking different.” you muttered.

The second of silence that passed felt like an age to Marc, the only sound was his hammering heart rate, before you filled the room with a sleepy laugh “You’re so funny…I love you Steven.”

And like that you were back to sleep, leaving Marc alone with his own racing heart.

**a few weeks later**

Steven had been gone for five days. You’d spent most of your mornings leaving early for work to drop in on him and see if he’d shown up, your lunch breaks scouring the local news to see if an anonymous man had shown up in any hospitals, you’d called almost every hospital and police station within a ten mile radius. The police had told you they’d “note his name and description” and let you know. By Wednesday you’d even went to his work twice only for Donna to tell you Steven doesn’t work here.

You’d began to wonder you should be going back to the police to tell them the missing person you’d reported still had not shown up when you heard a knocking at your door

“Gimme a minute,” You called out as pulled yourself off the sofa and headed to the door. Hauling it open you half expected to see your neighbour or the postman. What you were not expecting to see was your boyfriend, in a baggy navy jumper, hair sticking up at all angles and looking like he’d come off a 72 hour all nighter.

He wouldn’t have of course, Steven barely drank so you couldn’t process exactly how or what the fuck had happened until he spoke.

“Hi.” He managed to get out “I’m sorry I didn’t call you.”

“Steven…You‘ve been gone for days…where the fuck where you?” Your mouth formed the words, quieter, more concerned than angry.

Instead of saying a word, you felt him slump into your arms, exhausted.

“Fucking hell Steven, what happened?” You repeated yourself with a mutter as you looped an arm around his waist and the other you used to support him and helped him to the couch, where he flopped down. Your heart ached just looking at him.

“Don’t go.” He murmured, “Stay here.”

“I’m just getting you a blanket and a cuppa, babe… okay?” You brushed some of his curls back as he nodded. “I’ll be back in two minutes… I promise.”

You kissed his head and exactly two minutes later, you returned a steaming mug of tea and your favourite sage green blanket. You’d bought it in the Dunlem sale and it never left your bed until it made its way to Stevens. You’d wrapped him in it once when he’d fallen asleep at his desk and he’d looked so adorable you’d insisted he kept it.

“Are you okay? Should I be calling an ambulance or the police or something?”

His hands knotted around the edges as you draped it over him and sat the mug in front of him. You sat in silence beside him until he’d had a few large gulps. Steven shook his head

“I’m okay…no ambulance. no police needed. It’s alright..”

“Steven. You have to tell me where you were.” You tried “Please. I thought you were missing or dead, I kept expecting to see your picture on the news as a fucking body found.”

“You wouldn’t believe me…” he let out a tiny impression of a laugh “I mean not just you… no one would and I don’t blame them.”

“I will…I promise.”

“It sounds made up”

“Babe, not that long ago Spider-Man had a fight on Tower Bridge, and before that half the world disappeared and came back and before that Thor had a fight with that…alien thing in Greenwich and before that if you’d asked me, I’d say that shit only happens in New York but I’m three out of three of mad things that have happened to me so nothing you say is going to freak me out… but saying nothing is…” You pressed your head to his. “Please…please tell me where you were.”

Steven sighed, you looked so desperate to help, so worried and he could hear Marc, telling him to be honest with you, not being honest with Layla had cost him his relationship, and although they were still friends, he didn’t want the same to happen to you.

“Yeah okay…” he started “but you got to let me tell you the whole thing, alright? No matter how mental it sounds.”

You smiled. “Of course.”

And for the whole time, you kept your attention on him, nodding, asking questions and squeezing his hand”

“Suppose that’s it all.” He said with a finish “I’ll understand if you don’t want to go out with me anymore…”

“Steven.” You pulled him into a hug, hands reaching up to rub his back. “I believe you and I love you and of course I still want to go out with you.”

“But all I do is cause problems for everyone…I don’t want to mess up your-.”

“You could never be a problem. Not for me.”

“I will eventually.”

“Steven, there is no problem you could cause that would be too big. You were never a problem to me.” Your head shook vehemently “and you never will be. Not now, not ever. You and me always.”

“I love you…” he muttered leaning in and pressing his head to yours so softly “forever”

“…I love you so much.”

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me…us.” He paused, as you tilted your head with a smile “Marc won’t come forward now but he cares for you. A lot.”

“Steven, you will always be enough for me…but one day I’d like to meet him…Marc…if that’s okay with both of you…when he’s ready.”

Steven nodded. “I think he’d like that too.”

The relief lifted a weigh off his shoulders and he felt himself settle back into the sofa. You joined him, and slipped your arms around him, pulling the blanket around you both.

“I’ve missed you.” You muttered quietly.

“I missed you too.”

Steven kissed you softly and started to apologise before you planted another kiss on his lips, softly and gently.

“Shhh, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m just glad I have my boyfriend back.” You gave him an easy smile and he leant in.

.“I’m glad I’m back too…love. To the rest of our lives Eh?” He leant in to you as you repeated his sentiment.

“To the rest of our lives”

#steven grant x reader #steven grant imagine #marc spector x reader #moon knight x reader #steven grant #steven grant x y/n #steven grant x you #moon knight imagine

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dragondemoness · 2 years ago

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Talking it Out - THH x Ultimate Cuteness Reader Part 2.5

Leon Kuwata

Time came for his baseball game, and you watched him and cheered him on

But for some odd reason, he missed every ball the pitcher threw

You knew he hated his talent, but he never missed a ball

That’s what she said-

It made you confused and concerned

He ended up losing the game, and you met up with him as quickly as possible

“Leon, what’s the matter? You never miss a ball like that.”

“I was... uh... distracted.”

“By what?”

He knew he couldn’t keep it in, so it all came rushing out

“Your rabbit tried to kill me, I threw a ball at its face, and I lied to you about it. I’m sorry!”

You blinked at him, and he tightly shut his eyes, prepared for the worst

After a couple seconds of you saying nothing, he opened one eye and looked at you

Then you jumped into his arms and buried your face in his chest

He jumped and stiffened

“Woah there! What’s this for?”

You giggled

“You silly goose. You thought I was gonna be mad about that? It’s not your fault, Leo-chan. I’m sorry my bunny attacked you, but it won’t happen again. Okay?”

He chuckled and hugged you back

“Alright. Now, what do ya say we get out of here and grab a bite, huh? It’s on me tonight. Y’know, to make up for lying to you.”

And so, you left the game and went to go get some food

Then you had a talk with your rabbit and it agreed to never attack Leon again

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

After your study date, it was time for the big test

Thanks to his assistance, you got a pretty high score

Once you got your test scores back, you showed it off to him with the energy of a young child

He lightly smiled and congratulated you

But Taka was hesitant to show you his

He actually got less than 100%, which was very unusual for him

You immediately asked what was wrong

He couldn’t lie to you any longer, so all his guilt came rushing out

“I was too distracted! Because... I lied to you. Your stuffed rabbit mutated into a man-sized monster and attempted to murder me, but I didn’t want to worry you, so I didn’t say anything. I’m really truly sorry I’ll make it up to you I swear!”

He bowed down, begging for your forgiveness

You patted him on the head, and he lifted his head and looked at you in confusion

“It’s okay, Kiyo-chan. It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry for what my bunny did, though. That was really mean. I won’t let it happen again, okay?”

His eyes filled up with tears, and he tightly embraced you

“Thank you for your forgiveness! I swear I will make up for my lack of honesty!”

And he did

By taking you on a nice date

Sayaka Maizono

It was time for Sayaka’s concert, and you cheered her on from the crowd

You noticed how she seemed distracted, and she didn’t put as much emotion and passion into her performance

She even almost tripped while she was dancing and doing her footwork

So naturally, you asked her what was up after it was over

“I’m sorry, I just had a lot on my mind. Do you remember our date last week, when I was practicing for today?”

You nodded

“Uh-huh.”

She looked away with guilt on her face

“Well... Your stuffed bunny changed into some kind of... Monster rabbit and tried to kill me. I didn’t want to tell you, because I didn’t want to worry you, and, well, I also sort of figured you wouldn’t believe me. I’m sorry...”

She looked down sadly, but you rushed towards her and wrapped your arms around her

“It’s okay, Saya-chan. I don’t blame you for it. It was really mean of the bunny to do that, but it won’t happen again. You believe me?”

She stiffened in shock for a moment, then wrapped her arms around you with a smile

“Yeah, of course I do.”

Then you both left to go spend some time together

Sayaka was really glad to finally be able to relax now that the weight was lifted off her shoulders, and you both had a nice time

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #leon kuwata x reader #kiyotaka ishimaru x reader #sayaka maizono x reader #ultimate cuteness reader #ultimate cuteness series

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lavendermin · 4 years ago

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sweet nothings au brainrot | xiao

I keep taking long on current wips bc my brain is on the ‘sweet nothings college au for xiao’ brainrot train

…so I’m just going to dump my brainrot here to get it out of my system ^^💗 it’s just a collection of little details from the au in regards to friendships and relationships

[original drabble]

genre | smut, soft, college au

warnings | alcohol mention, poor sleep schedules, contains 18+ minors dni please & thank you ^^ the sfw & nsfw sections are separated!

Finals season is very stressful—that much is a given. For most of your study material, all you need is a laptop and some textbooks so you can be found just about anywhere on campus working your eyesight away.

As much as you get distracted easily, you also tend to work best in the company of someone else who will keep you in check from time to time. Usually this is Albedo and Xiao’s job.

When finals season hits, you’re often found glued to your computer at the computer lab or Albedo’s workspace at his major’s building. It’s mostly quiet there so you focus easier there. He also always assured you he appreciates the company. If you’re going to be sleep-deprived, you’re gonna be sleep-deprived together, right?

It’s nice to study with Albedo because Sucrose drops by from time to time and makes sure you both haven’t become mummified in front of your computer screens. If it weren’t for Sucrose you would both forget to take stretch breaks and become shrimps.

Much like Xiao, Sucrose also loves bringing you guys little snacks. Albedo tends to forget to eat when he’s focused on a project deadline. You just flat out forget. (Blame the lack of sleep when work piles up)

Study and work sessions with Xiao are your favorites. You end up getting distracted easier but for better reasons. Snack breaks, coffee breaks, stretch breaks, car ride breaks, you name it. He’ll help avoid burnout so he’s best at managing all-nighters when you’re together.

If you’re not hanging out at each other’s or Venti’s dorm, you’re tucked away at the library at the study space they have. He once got locked inside the library because he fell asleep while studying.

To this day you’re not sure how he got out without triggering the 15 alarms set up when it’s closed

Xiao used to work as a barista for a couple of years, so expect some really good coffee. Sometimes he still has the faint, lingering scent of coffee on him when you hug him. It’s comforting and when you’re hanging out in each other’s dorms, he’ll indulge you and let you fall asleep hugging him.

Sometimes Venti will drag you both out for fresh air. Expect 20 minute breaks to roam around campus as he drags you to play Pokémon Go to get you both moving.

Venti is the RA for your dorm section! You’re not sure who or how he got that position but he’s let you get away with several things. Mainly he won’t tell on you if you happen to have a drink or two in your dorm despite the dry campus rule You’re responsible and would never think to get drunk on campus (not that Xiao would let you)

! ! ! nsfw below ! ! !

That being said, it’s not like he won’t come to your door to at least give you a scolding. There are times when Xiao lets loose a little too much after a stressful exam or critique, and he goes directly to you. Let’s just say you can’t help how vocal you get when he literally fucks your brains out in your dorm.

“Y/n… Noise complaint, again,” Venti sighs, rubbing his temple. He stopped being flustered over the confrontation ages ago. “The walls are paper thin, you know.”

You hardly ever register what he says, your eyes distant and dreamy from the through fucking you were just experiencing. “Mhm, yeah.” That’s as far as your answers go sometimes.

“You’re both lucky Albedo practically lives in his studio. The rest in the hall can’t tell whether it’s you or Albert’s weird porn.”

For some reason, the idea that people can hear your muffled moans and call of his name from your dorm only turns Xiao on more. Its a little twisted—he knows that—but he can’t help it. It’s some kind of praise kink of his because he knows he’s giving you the dicking down of a lifetime. He quite literally reduces your mind to mush as you sing a stream of praises with every thrust of his hips that brushes the most sensitive parts within you.

The sounds you make are so cute, it’s hard for him to stop you. He’s lucky the halls are usually mostly empty with other students still in night courses.

Only because Venti asked nicely and is a longtime friend of his does he still try to keep your sounds to a minimum from there on out. Partly because you look so cute helplessly sucking and mewling around his fingers as he pounds into you. Over and over and over.

Though your vocal issue is somewhat taken care of with that, you end up getting another noise complaint.

“At this point I’m just curious—confused maybe. Are you guys fucking or fighting with the way the headboard hits the wall so loudly?” Venti asks in mild horror.

Sometimes car drives will turn into make out fuck out sessions. What is supposed to be a quick refreshing drive around ends up in a secluded, scenic area, tinted windows keeping you modest and private as you bounce up and down on his lap. Xiao like it slow and sensual in such instances, and you slowly melt at his touch and attention. A sweet mix of love and lust.

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