#so he exists in the time void of personal story beginning

[rizardofether]

Thinking about Reiss again. He's an artificially created asura. The inspiration came from a manga I was reading, where the protagonist got reincarnated in another world into an artificially made new body and at some point one of the other characters finds out about it and brings it up by saying: "Your face has such a gentle smile. You wouldn't think it was the face of an artificially created human." Which sounds really fucked up to say to someone in my opinion...

Anyway so it inspired me to make my own artificially created character, and asura were the perfect target, since they would be the type to do something like that. I was unsure if I wanted him to be basically the clone of his creator or just a mix of genes he got his hands on...

But then this happened:

For the first time I got the doppelganger targeting me and it just happened while I was playing on Reiss. Which then led me to think about if Reiss was a clone, then seeing a doppelganger of himself would feel very uncomfortable.

Reiss' story is that his creator wanted to try his hand at artificially creating asura, and used his genes to make clones. Reiss was the first successful one, though he ran out of funding for his secret project so he remained the only one. Though he had plans for more, he had to put the project on pause to secure more funding.

In the meanwhile, he began raising Reiss as his son/test subject. He was a messed up fellow who would have treated his actual children terribly as well and he never got anyone to consent to having children with him he was that rancid.

Reiss was made to be very intelligent even by asura standards, as well as physically stronger than any normal asura. It worked for the most part, though he ended up with poor eyesight, having to wear glasses. Reiss quickly learned to act in a way that pleased his creator, hiding his displeasure at his treatment, secretly working towards escaping from his lab.

Then one day he was caught in the Inquest attack to take over the golems, getting killed by one of them. Reiss who had secretly built and planted a listening device on him, learned of this and took it as a chance to escape and be free.

While Reiss is a clone, he is a younger version of his creator, who was already an old man, so at most people would only recognize him as his son, since he kept his project secret from everyone else. The name Reiss is one he came up with for himself, his creator only ever used a test subject number name for him.

[buckrecs]

HELLO so i was wondering if you have some winter soldier x reader fics?? ive been trying to find some but theyre all so short (still amazing stories tho) tysm, i really appreciate you making recs

Winter Soldier!Bucky

masterlist | req masterlist

ONESHOT

Into Cursed Pixie Dust by @buckets-and-trees

“He's credited over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years…” but you don’t know that. You run into him once, then again, again, again. Destiny draws you together, and neither of you can deny the pull. And yet though he never ages, you do.

Stalker by @you-are-my-sanctuary

In which Bucky has a crush on the new PR manager and is being an adorable stalker.

sleepwalking by @lanadelreyscokewhor3

when your boyfriend bucky wakes up with the winter soldier mindest, you do the only thing you know how to do- comfort him. he does the only thing he knows how to thank you- possessive sex. 

Colors in the Dark by @buckychrist

The world is without color, and that’s never bothered the Winter Soldier. The Fist of HYDRA didn’t have time for love and soulmates. At almost a century old, what are the odds that his soulmate was even still living?

ephemeral by @earlgreydream

the winter soldier shows up wounded at your door during a storm.

Purgatory by @wkemeup

While on a mission, Bucky becomes dissociated into the Winter Soldier. But instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.

a soldier gone rouge by @kinanabinks

the winter soldier has been sent to kill you. why, then, are you so wet?

Reverse Psychology by @waiting4inspiration

Bucky’s Winter Soldier mode is triggered. But you have something up your sleeves that will bring him back.

Comply by @gogolucky13

With Hydra, everyone is a prisoner.

Don’t Fear the Reaper by @gogolucky13

One night, the Winter Soldier appears at your place of work to eliminate a target. He leaves you alive, only to return a few months later.

Fatal Mistake by @rookthorne

A rogue agent amidst their ranks, it was the perfect plan, a perfect escape. It was their fatal mistake. 

Wolf, Partner, Gloves… by @revengingbarnes

HYDRA’s words make Bucky go into Winter Soldier mode. Then he meets you, and you make for him words that will bring him back to normal.

the dragon and her shadow by @kashimos-hajime

You fall in love with the Winter Soldier, and they punish you for it. Sentiment is weakness, but what can they do? After all, they cannot kill the Fist of H.Y.D.R.A. and mortal men cannot even begin to comprehend slaying a dragon.

take it easy, romeo by @sunmoonandeddie

The Soldat remembers one person through it all.

You Found Me by @samthemarvelfan

Bucky Barnes always came home to you. What happens when he doesn't? Worse than that...what happens when he forgets you existed?

Gone Again by @tokoyamisstuff

The Winter Soldier is lost and confused, unable to remember a single thing - except for the place where he’d find the woman that had become his safe space.

I’ll Come Back for You by @milliedazzledust

something where he is in winter soldier mode and protecting the scientist (y/n) where she is the only one who can sort of calm him down after a mission.

Void by @theeleggymeggy

Working as a nurse at HYDRA, you find yourself intervening when you catch Alexander Pierce striking The Asset. You don’t even know this man, but you can’t just stand and watch him be beat down.

Sweet Memory by @

SERIES

One’s Promised by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Living a double life was not a choice when one was the daughter of Alexander Pierce. Y/N was the youngest agents of SHIELD and one of the most respected threats within Hydra’s empire. No matter her allegiance, she was feared by both. Y/N Pierce would’ve tried to escape it all… if it hadn’t been for The Winter Soldier.

Soldat by @the-fallen-nightmare

Captain America and Reader have worked together at SHIELD for over a year. What happens when they have a run in with The Winter Solider and Steve finds out the secret Reader had been hiding from him all this time? And what happens when reader is captured by Hydra and The Winter Soldier, again. Can she make Soldat remember her or is her life with Steve just a slow fading memory now?

 

Breach by @darkmasterlistyouneveraskedfor (dark)

The reader finds herself in the Winter Soldier’s cross hairs during a lock down.

Reset by @lunarbuck

The government has fallen, Hydra has taken over. You were an agent of SHIELD long before the reign of terror began, and became a member of the resistance when they needed you most. Everything changes when the Winter Soldier captures you from your safe house.

Devil’s Backbone by @trashmenofmarvel

With your team dead and your mission failed, you’ve been taken by the assassin to an unknown location and are at the mercy of your cruel tormentors.

Krasavchik by @after-avenging-hours

While under orders from Karpov to test the Soldat’s loyalties to Hydra, you find yourself questioning your own loyalties.

Welcome Home… Soldat? by @winterarmyy

Y/N had make a habit of greeting Bucky a warm 'welcome home' everytime he came back from his missions, but there was one particular day when she unknowingly greeted someone else.

[calware]

what r some of ur fav Hal fics? Currently looking 2 read some and would love some recs!

sure thing!!

fics that are specifically about hal:

Reallocated by breezefulskies mature - chose not to use archive warnings - 324,756 words - 65 chapters (unfinished) Hal finds himself stranded aboard a certain meteor, impact-bound for Houston, Texas circa 1995. And everything spirals out from there. Because sometimes, when a system seems to be just short of defunct, all that is required is to take a step back and reevaluate the materials at hand and redistribute your available resources. And so, with birth comes a countdown on a cycle that begins as it ends: In the red.

hal is mysteriously sent to earth via unknown means and finds himself raising a baby as best as he can, which, given that he's glasses, is not easy. this is my favorite homestuck fic, not just because it's about hal, but also because i love the focus on family dynamics and the plot as it unfolds. begging everyone to read this, i can't say what happens exactly without spoiling things, it's just really really good. at the moment, it updates once a month

Ersatz Abyss by katreal mature - no archive warnings apply - 120,092 words - 39 chapters (unfinished) You look into the mirror to find your own face looking back at you. You laugh. And then you cry. Last, you try and figure out how you got to this moment. The Auto-Responder had long since resigned himself to an artificial existence, his only dwindling hope for escape hinging on a promise that has yet to be fulfilled. Then one day he wakes up, Dirk nowhere to be found. What's the point in getting what you want, if you can't show off a little?

another great hal fic. i managed to get my roommate (who has not read homestuck) to read this and they really enjoyed it, so i'm sure you all won't have any problems liking this one either. there are a lot of fics out there of hal getting a body, but this one is very different in that it's not the happy ending that you might first think it is. this fic perfects the feeling of everything snowballing into a bigger and bigger problem until it all falls apart

fics that have hal in them:

Bound in Ink and Iron by cyphertext (@4lph4kidz) teen - no archive warnings apply - 18,627 words - 3 chapters (unfinished) A prisoner in his own kingdom, the Prince of Derse seeks his freedom through the inadvisable use of a magic mirror. While making his escape he finds himself lost and in the company of a strange boy who lives alone in the ruins of his grandmother’s cottage. Both cursed, both hunted, they agree to travel together in the hopes that they can find some way to save their loved ones from their terrible fates. Or so the story goes.

hal is in this one for one chapter. but so far there are only three chapters... which means he's there for a whole third of the fic ^_^ but for real, i really like the way zero portrays him here. i am a supporter of evil shadow clone rights

Tennessee Whiskey & You by mistlafey teen - graphic depictions of violence, major character death - 12,217 words - 5 chapters (unfinished) When Dirk dies after an aneyursm, Hal and Jake have difficulties coping. Jake drinks to forget, and eventually Hal can't handle drunk Jake and his own grief - so he turns that into anger. “I’m not him, Jake! I can’t fucking- I can’t fix you. Dirk is gone and you don’t get to pretend he isn’t anymore. I can’t be Dirk, and every time you try to tell me I am it fucking hurts. There’s nothing left for you here. If Dirk was the only person that filled a void in you, there is nothing left to make you whole.”

i honestly have no idea how this is going to go but the bar scene in this one lives in my head rent-free. idk if it's ever going to update again though. hal fans forever forced to take what we can get

Falling for the First Time by nobrandhero teen - no warnings apply - 63,818 words - 11/17 chapters The game is over, Alpha Earth resets to 2009, and Dirk's bro doesn't live up to expectations. The movie director who appears so chill and stoic in interviews is actually a talkative, needy dweeb like his teenage counterpart. It's not a bad thing, as far as Dirk's concerned.

for whatever reason, i'm a sucker for fics where the characters somehow end up on earth again post-game, and out of all the fics that follow that concept this one is my favorite. hal is also there sometimes

[lesbianphan]

The Myth of Sisyphus and PHILosophy (lol) - a brief essay on two nerds playing a game that might not be that deep but hey who's gonna stop me from pushing this boulder up the hill of writing this?

Disclaimer: it's finally my turn to use my useless degree that included a lot of literary analysis for something extremely important to society: analyzing Dan and Phil content!!! yay!!! This is about to be incredibly nerdy and waffly, but like what else are you doing with your time anyway on phannie tumblr?? (pls read it, I just reread Camus for this for the first time in years okay I'm dedicated to my craft)

"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy." Albert Camus

As a part of Camus' essays on absurdist philosophy, The Myth of Sisyphus deals with the pointlessness of existence, through retelling the story of the greek myth about the titular character who, as a punishment for defying Death, was condemned to spend eternity pushing a boulder up a hill just to watch it fall back down. That may sound bleak, such is the futile nature of getting up every day and doing tasks, after all.

However, that's not really what the essay conveys. As the quotation provided in the beginning shows, Camus' takeaway about the myth of Sisyphus isn't about how easy it would be to take the option of not engaging at all with the repetitive tasks that make life what it is, or even focusing on how disappointing this pointlessness is. It's about how the journey of getting up everyday and motivating yourself to hit the peak of the hill is all there is to life, really. The absurd conclusion is, ultimately, that pushing the boulder up the hill everyday is what true revolt against the senselessness of the universe is. If there is no reason, we make the reason by climbing up with our rock everyday.

We choose to be happy every day and appreciate our rock, our hill, our existence as a whole. We choose to believe Sisyphus is happy, and, as disappointing at it may sound at first, it's worth it to live your existence, as long as you decide to appreciate your present more than your future (the destination, that elusive peak of the hill).

In Dan's words, you decide to have "just one good night" together every night on tour, you appreciate the journey of climbing out of that mental health hole again. You climb up that hill again and again, because it's worth it, and there are things - bigger than yourself or your personal boulder or even your destination, - that are worth fighting for every day. You embrace the void, and have the courage to exist today, not tomorrow atop the hill.

As Camus' Myth of Sisyphus was, admitedly, one of the inspirations behind We're All Doomed (and it shows!), it makes it even more intriguing to inquire about how much of their reactions to that particular game about Sisyphus informs their perspectives on the world and their personal philosophies.

As a disclaimer, I must add: I don't claim to know Dan and Phil personally, and I only have acess to the parts of them they decide to share, the performing side of them. So, quite obviously, I can be fully off the mark on this one. Still I think it's interesting to dive into, if not for accuracy, at least for better understanding of the personas they portray online, and how their worldviews bleed into it.

The first big point a lot of people brought to the table is the shift in Dan's philosophy ever since writing and performing We're All Doomed and (most likely) a lot of therapy and work on himself over the years. Gone are the days of existential crises being treated as a joke, or mental health in general being discussed without care for what the audience may take from it. During the video, it's quite apparent that he tries very hard to mantain that voice of reason (sometimes breaking it out of frustration, which is fair!), to somehow guide us into an understanding of what this philosophy means to him personally and to his self-proclaimed magum opus WAD.

This is relevant, of course, insofar as this becomes the thesis of the video, silly gameplay and jokes aside. So I couldn't not mention it here, as it's extremely noticeable and commendable of him to now have a different kind of perspective towards the topic of mental health, in this more mature era of their content. You can tell it's relevant to him to try to get the point of the myth across, in a way that tells his audience, as much as it tells himself, that giving up isn't a choice. You must keep pushing that boulder and you must believe that Sisyphus is happy, and so will you be during that journey up the hill. Even when it falls down again and you meet frustration, you pick yourself back up and keep trying to enjoy the present once again.

Secondly, regarding Dan's behavior during the gameplay, it's notable that he gets extremely frustrated when the boulder falls down (who wouldn't?). However, he always tries to catch it and put it back in the path upwards, instead of throwing his hands and giving up like Phil seems to do. This shows, very loosely, how he handles frustration in his own life: trying to fix things and get them right on path again. It's sometimes the most difficult choice to make, but it's extremely corageous to just keep trying in face of extreme frustration. We've seen it all over gaming videos, but also on his own personal projects getting shut down, and Dan still insisting on carrying on creating things that are personal to him, even in face of rejection.

Phil, however, seemed to give up out of frustration extremely easily, so much so that Dan kept pointing it out how he'd let go of the controls and let it happen. It might not mean much, but since he himself claims he gives up on things that are too difficult, it might just be an aspect of his personality to literally let go in face of things he perceives as impossible to achieve.

It is also notable that when he made a mistake, no matter how competitive they usually are on the surface, Phil decided to ask Dan for help, or try to tag out entirely and hand it over. This may not only be related to frustration, but also to knowing how to ask for help, and also a belief that Dan is "the strongest one out of both of us" and he will be there always to help (quite adorable). Dan's tenacity in front of difficult situations is a great complement to Phil's anxious eagerness to hand over the controls when things get overwhelming.

It's interesting to point out how their personal worldview influenced their gameplay as well. Dan was focused, sharp, driven to get to the top of the mountain by keeping in complete control of the boulder at all times. He held on tight to the challenges and kept going, and he wasn't afraid to run back and catch himself enough to try again. Phil's style showed something very interesting about him that is notable in gaming videos in particular: Phil's propensity for making little goals and celebrating the little things in the path to a goal.

Getting through one obstacle that was once difficult is enough to make Phil seem content with his progress. He celebrates every little step of the journey and, in that way, it's easier for him to appreciate it naturally. He's focused on the little tasks more than the big picture, and that makes the experience more enjoyable. His goals shift, of course, as they progress through the level, and the difficulty ramps up. Even so, he's still more likely to point out that's the farthest they've gotten and, hey look at this ramp, let's get through this ramp and then we've won, because that's my goal right now, and that's enough to make me happy in the present.

This counterbalances Dan's more bleak outlook wonderfully as well. While Dan is focused on making it to the top of the hill, and gets extremely discouraged seeing there's a lot more ahead they'll never get to experience, Phil's view is that they got through that one challenge and, surely, next time they'll get through one more, and so on and so forth. Focusing on smaller things is, ultimately, a good way of finding happiness in the process of pushing up that boulder.

Moreover, Phil's brief comment about how you could "make up little stories in your head" is also extremely telling of the kind of person he is. As Camus' philosophy claims: the only way to live with an absurd world is by living through it and learning what it means to be happy in a world that doesn't make sense. In Phil's mind, a bearable way to get through the harrowing experience of every day existence is making up stories, which matches up with his creative mind. Art and creation are indeed things that can make life worth living, and it seems that even subconsciously, that's the path he'd choose against the pointlessness of repetition. The joy of creation is, certainly, and extremely human and beautiful way to find meaning in life.

The most interesting point I'd like to raise, though, is how they got through that game together: as much as Dan accused Phil of distracting him, it was interesting to see that he didn't notice that's entirely the point. The boulder falling down is nothing compared to the stories we share, the conversations we make. What is important is the journey you take, and hearing about your best friend's weird school inter-sports anecdotes, even if you have to start over because you got distracted.

And that's entirely the point I'd like to leave this of with: pushing up that boulder is only worth it if you learn to live, if you learn to love, if you learn to enjoy the present moment, instead of focusing on that ever elusive destination. Therefore, what makes not only the video interesting, but also the game bearable at all, is their interaction with each other. Much like in life as partners, Dan and Phil would, obviously, climb that hill together. They would find the joy in the little moments together, laugh, yell, get frustrated, pick each other back up again in moments of frustration, and keep going up that hill together.

The only way to live is if one imagines Sisyphus happy. The only way to exist is if you decide that, no matter what, you'll create your own meaning. The only way is to find joy in the now instead of later. The only way to make those grueling day to day tasks happy and fun, is by choosing hapiness. Dan and Phil have, in every sense, decided to keep climbing up that hill of existence together. It may be slow and clumsy and loud at times, but it's their own experience. Ultimately, the only way to experience that gaming content is by imagining Dan and Phil are happy to make it for us, and that we can all share a little bit of our hill in moments of laughter and community. That's what makes life worth it in the end.

A/N: this may be the weirdest thing I've ever done, pls accept me for who I am, thank!

[chaifootsteps]

we now have a Stolas bashing tag on A03! idk why it took so long, maybe no one was tagging that before

side note, it surprises me that writers have to put 'bashing' for stories that just literally address how he behaved in the show. Stolas is demonstrably selfish and petty yet writers sometimes feel the need to call it like an 'evil Stolas AU' or 'dark Stolas AU' just so fans don't jump down their throats when like

no, the last episodes have proven he just is self centred, mean and petty with an abuser's selective memory; we've gone way past plausible deniability for 'innocent misunderstanding' when his reaction to Blitz chewing him out for stuff he did is to avoid considering if Blitz has a point then spend all episode treating him like he's seriously wronged Stolas for expressing his feelings.

it's not the fandom's fault Viv is so bad at writing a sympathetic character that she made him the most dislikeable one in the entire show

also side note, it's impressive how many writers I'm seeing say some variation of 'I liked Stol1tz but the last two episodes have killed it for me'. like no one wants a ship where Blitz is expected to be a doormat for the meanest creature in all of Hell. or at the very least they want to see Stolas address some of the things he did wrong

even some of the fans who are the most likely to give Stolas way too much grace here are getting turned off by how Viv is going about this. even if they're buying all the retcons Viv shoved in to make him look better, they know the story still doesn't sit right as it is now. and I hope they ask for more from the story if Stolas doesn't address his wrongs or the writers do it in the most insulting way possible. now more people are seeing what I saw from the beginning of s2 I hope they stop settling for the bare minimum from Viv

the ones that make me saddest are the fix-its where the two talk and Stolas has an actually modicum of emotional maturity to see things from Blitz's perspective. this is the Stolas the fandom thought existed because the show kept insisting it was the case

yet every time Stolas has had the chance to prove he's that person, he's bungled it and proven himself not just void of empathy but vindictive and spiteful on top of it. I fell off Stolitz a long time ago but I know how much it would suck if the writers did that to one of my OTPs.

It's sad that it's reached a point where a character people had such high hopes for, that used to be half of an OTP for a lot of them -- myself included -- now has a bashing tag and an audience who increasingly wants to see him dead, but the Stolas we saw in Apology Tour just isn't a character worth hoping for anymore. I'm glad all those richly deserved fics have somewhere organized to be.

[therainscene]

Much of the supernatural horror that Will has to contend with works extremely well as a metaphor for his issues -- the Upside Down is the closet, the monsters represent homophobia, his powers are as repressed as he is, yadda yadda -- and in my opinion, this makes him a relatively easy character to analyze. Being able to draw on the supernatural stuff just gives you a lot more material to work with.

Mike, though? A goddamn enigma. He’s often present when supernatural stuff is happening, but he doesn’t interact with it to anywhere near the degree that Will does, and it’s much harder to fold him into the allegory being told here without reducing him to “Will’s love interest”.

And that’s interesting, don’t you think?

That the “stereotypical” gay boy who attracts homophobes like moths to a flame has had his issues laid out in code since the beginning? Whereas the straight-passing one, who’s so deep in the closet he’s probably not even out to himself yet, is so hard to read that most of the GA assume his bizarre personality change in S3 was a symptom of bad writing?

Figuring yourself out as a queer is a challenge even today, and part of the reason it’s so challenging is because heteronormativity steamrolls right over our right to know that being queer is a valid option.

The closet isn’t a queer space -- it’s a queer-shaped void within a heteronormative space.

Stranger Things is full of examples of this:

Will isn’t shy about expressing his disgust at the thought of dating girls, but he’s dealing with a lot of childhood trauma so he’s just a late bloomer, right?

Will is jealous and upset about his new step-sister’s relationship with the boy he’s been attached to at the hip since he was five, but it must be because he’s in love with her or otherwise misses his platonic buddy, right?

El’s character arc is about freeing herself from toxic relationships with men, but her infatuation with the boy who puts her on a pedestal is the one exception to that, right?

Robin shows zero romantic interest in men before coming out, but she and Steve just vibe so well it’s reasonable to assume they’re love interests, right?

Vickie paused Fast Times at fifty-three minutes five seconds, but she has a boyfriend so she must be straight, right?

Over and over, the show presents us with an ambiguously queer situation and dares us to assume it’ll end heteronormatively.

If this were any other show I’d call it queerbaiting... but these situations just keep ending in a non-heteronormative way, all while symbolically dancing around Mike.

Granted, “non-heteronormative” doesn’t necessarily equal gay -- El’s arc is more about independence and forging healthy platonic relationships than about replacing men with women -- but she’s still on the path to breaking out of comphet, which is rather a queer act regardless of whether she's literally queer herself.

But I’m digressing.

We’ve seen how Will is visibly queer and struggles with the trauma of being abused for it, and how his closet is symbolized by the existence of a literal alternate dimension full of monsters.

But Mike is invisible, so his closet isn’t represented by a metaphor at all, but by something more meta than that -- it’s etched out in the negative space formed by the narrative itself. Only the audience can see it, and then only if we’re paying attention, tracing the edges of the story and feeling out the shape it results in.

These two different approaches in depicting the struggle of being closeted remind me of drowning.

In films, drowning is a noisy and dramatic affair, easy to identify.

But in real life, drowning doesn’t look like what we think it does -- it’s silent and resembles calm water play. All too often, drowning victims will quietly slip under and succumb helplessly to the depths...

...right under everyone’s noses.

[sepko1]

The Known Timeline of the Freeman Immortal

The end will always be Someone Else, but I like fleshing out the story of how the Gordon Geeman got there.

The First Days

The Employers are skeptical but are convinced by the G-Man that bringing the one and only Gordon Freeman into the fold would ensure incredible returns. Gordon, a hopeful glint in his eye, hopes to change things now that he has this power given to him. It’s a long road ahead.

Sacrifices

The Job is not without its drawbacks. You leave everything behind; who you were, who you knew, all that you fought for. But how do you leave behind the horrors and trauma that you’ve both created and defeated? How do you leave all that without seeing it to the end? These doubts begin to burrow in Freeman’s mind. He keeps a single token of the man he once was, a tool to be used, not unlike himself under the employ of the Syndicate.

A Final Word

The G-Man has taught Freeman all he knows, all Gordon can do now is go before their employers and impress upon them his value to the Syndicate. Something, however, isn’t right. The G-Man can sense it. There is no turning back, however, Gordon Freeman’s existence now rests in the hands of those even the G-Man dare not cross.

Seeing the End

The Employers are satisfied, but Freeman can’t ignore his doubts any longer. He needs to see how it ends. And so he goes, off the books, timeline after timeline. Win, lose, or stalemate, the end is always the same for him: Lying dead in a world that has long forgotten him. Something clicks, or maybe snaps, here.

All Forgiven Now

He stares down at the corpses of the ones who made him, and of the one who brought him into the Fold; their hope and confidence that he could be anything but what he was became their undoing, but he forgave them all the same. Alas, there was only one person he couldn't forgive, and the Freeman Immortal will make sure he'll never make that mistake again. The Purge begins.

The Downfall

The G-Man is dead. Freeman has stolen the power he needs to make more than just nudges to his destiny. His newfound power is overwhelming, and changes far more than just his fate. He massacres entire timelines trying to make things right, and neither the Employers nor the Vortigaunts know how to stop him. His mind faltering, fragmenting, he imprisons Alyx, controlling her Vortal Bond, the final piece for his attainment of ultimate power. The Vortigaunts finally find Gordon and invite him to talk in an attempt to dissuade him from this path. They tell him the power he’s accrued will eventually be the end of him, another prophesied death. He refuses. He is the Freeman Immortal.

Extinction

The Employers now try to bargain, Freeman refuses, and severs all links to their plane of existence. Seemingly out of options, the Vortigaunts wage war on the Freeman Immortal. His power growing, Gordon slaughters almost all of them. He begins to rebuild his universe anew, the man he once was now a distant thought. He shuts down timelines that might be a threat to him, ending countless lives. In a rare show of lucidity, he visits Alyx one last time, who manages to make him let his guard down just long enough for the Surviving Vortigaunts and an undead G-Man to find him. Freeman fends off G-Man but can’t stop the Vortigaunts from taking Alyx. Furious, the Freeman Immortal destroys it all, enveloping all of existence in a shattered white void. The Suriving Vortigaunts take advantage of this, trapping Freeman and reversing as much of the damage he’s done as they can. The Undead G-Man, the final act of the Employers, corners Freeman. The last thing he sees is Alyx turning her back on him. The last thing he feels is rage.

Epilogue

The Freeman isn’t dead, but he’ll never live again. Such is the contradiction of a man like him. His final resting place is somewhere far out of reach from his previous Employers, known only to Alyx and the Vortigaunts. There he will stay, forever in the darkness of the world he destroyed. 

[dragon-creates]

Five Times Jax and Pomni Share Dreams of Their Past Lives (And One Time Where They Remember)

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1/2/3/4/5/6

We're back with another chapter! I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this so far, I'm trying to aim for updating it every Monday but due to my personal life with college and work I might not be able to post on the dot but I'll do what you can, I hope ya'll can understand. Also, this chapter goes into Jax/Jack's and Pomni/Penny's childhood so I'm going to leave a trigger warning for child abuse, alcoholism, bullying and near death experiences. It's all only mentioned and it doesn't go fully into detail about it, but I wanted to let you guys know in case any of you are triggered by it. I'll let you know what it comes up by doing this; Jax's back story is going to be labeled (1) for when it starts and (2) when it finishes, while Pomni's will start at (3) and end at (4), I hope that's clear enough. Feel free to skip this if it isn't for you. Anyways, please enjoy!!!

2. Back To December

Normally, Caine blabbering non-stop about what shenanigans they would get up to usually left everyone with a mild headache and the urge to just move on with the day. However, this was the first time that Pomni and Jax were grateful for the ringmaster’s excessive chatter. Knowing that he was distracted by the sound of his own voice gave them more time to think about their dreams, or rather, trying hard not to think about them.

For Pomni, it had left her confused. After her incident with the exit doors and the void, she was beginning to surrender to the idea that she was truly stuck here. No past, no memories, no escape. She was nothing but a body of pixels, not able to do the things that would’ve made her human prior to everything. But now, after being told she wasn’t physically capable of doing it, she had her first dream since arriving. Everyone had told her that she didn’t require that basic human needs to survive anymore, wouldn’t that include dreaming? She just wanted to make sense of this nonsense world and find out its rules, and now it was being thrown out the window!

Then there was this ‘Penny’ girl, out of everything that confused her the most, it was her envy of the dream girl. It wasn’t like she was real, and that this ‘Penny’ actually had a life, had her own aspirations, even a sister who would protect no matter what. It wasn’t real, she wasn’t real, so there was no reason to be jealous. Though, she wondered if her life before the circus was similar to Penny’s, what were Pomni’s goals? What was her family like? What was her life like?

She briefly made eye contact with Jax during her internal rambling, realising and whipped her head back round once his gaze met hers. The fact that he reminded her so much of the ‘Jack’ person in her dream wasn’t helping. Granted, there were minor differences, but the way his voice sounded and the relaxed posture she always found himself in, it wasn’t hard for her mind to put the two side by side. Ugh why can’t my brain just be normal for one second!

Jax on the other hand was starting to get frustrated with all this. It was usually easy for him to not think about things he didn’t want to, like deciding whether or not he was in the mood to prank someone. So why can’t he get that stupid dream out of his head! He had already made his peace that he was never getting out of this multi-coloured hellhole, he was fine with it, nothing could be done about it. And then suddenly he just so happened to actually have a dream, something that according to Caine, couldn’t be done here.

But what frustrated him the most was that he couldn’t get Penny out of his head. This sweet yet anxious girl, with an adorable smile that somehow turned his insides to goo, as though he had witnessed that beautiful smile many times before. And her nervous rambling, how she stumbled over her words yet still managed to be so endearing, he wanted to berate Jack for scaring this poor girl, you know, if he actually existed. Which he doesn’t so just leave it alone!

He had noticed Pomni glancing at him before turning her head away so fast that he was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. He thought about her first day here, how terrified she looked, constantly looking over her shoulder to make sure nothing was out to get her, he also remembered how she would flinch at anyone coming near her. He wouldn’t admit this to anyone ever, but he felt bad for the jester, and maybe he was a little ashamed of himself for leaving her with Kaufmo, after all she seemed like the type to be afraid of her own shadow, kind of like Penny—

“And that concludes our adventure for today!”

Jax blinked as he looked up at Caine, the AI floating above everyone else, his eyes filled with manic and excitement. Was he seriously thinking about Penny for the whole day?! He really needed to get a grip on himself. Perhaps it was his tired state, but he was looking over at Pomni again, the jester still seemed to be afraid of Caine. After all, he did nothing but drag her all over the circus grounds when she first arrived – to the point where she threw up -, lied to her about an exit and did nothing to ease her into her new home. He knew Caine was a bit much at times, but it didn’t mean he had to like how the ringmaster treated the new arrival.

Although now he could take the time to get a proper look at her. She was small, but to be fair, he towered over everyone here, her eyes were big and wide, it was kind of cute how they widened at every new thing she saw, her hair was short, but he wondered what it would look like without her hat, maybe it would shine like Penny’s?

Hold on, when did he start thinking about Pomni like this?! And he was comparing her to Penny again?! “Ugh,” he put his face into his hands.

“Why Jax, dear boy!” Caine floated over to him, giving him a harsh pat on the back, “There’s no need to be so down about this adventure being over, after all, we’re having another one tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after-”

“Keep the repetition to yourself dentures,” Jax shoved him away, “I’m just tired, well, not that I can be tired here. I just wanna be alone right now.”

With that, he walked away, he could overhear Caine bidding everyone a goodnight before everyone else trekked back into their rooms. He felt someone bump into him from behind, he turned to see Pomni, nervously clutching her hands together as she backed up from him a bit. “Twice in a row today, huh pop-pom?” he smirked, “I’m starting to think you’re doing this on purpose.”

“No, no!” she cried, “That’s not the case, it was an accident I swear!”

It was pretty cute seeing her riled up, he was far too tired to even deny that part, he just wanted to go to his room. “Sure,” he replied, walking away.

Pomni watched him walk away. She wasn’t sure what was up with him today, ever since breakfast she was caught in her own little world that she failed to notice that Jax was also spacing out as well. Was that normal for him? After all, everyone else always said how he would find a way, whether big or small, to throw a prank. However, this didn’t seem like the rabbit that everyone was talking about. “Jax?”

He turned back to face her.

“Um,” she wrung her hands together, peering down at her feet before looking back up at him again, “Are you okay?”

Something shifted in his face before he shrugged, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, “I know I just got here, but if this is my new home now I wanna make sure everyone’s okay, including you.”

Jax shifted a little, the way she was looking at him, so sincere and not a hint of malice, those wide red and blue eyes searching him as though all his secrets were on display. He coughed, looking away before smirking again, “No need to be so soft on me toots, but I’m fine. I’m gonna go get some rest.” He then walked up to her, making the jester freeze as he towered over her, “You should too, after all you need to get some sleep if you wanna remain sane here. It wouldn’t be any fun if you abstracted so soon.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, chills running up her spine and her making her cheeks blush hard.

He grinned once he got his desired reaction and with a final wink he strutted back to his room. He ignored the fluttery feeling in his heart, he was just teasing her, that’s all, its what he does best. It wasn’t like he did it because he was curious about what her blush would like, he definitely didn’t think that it also matched Penny’s.

Once Jax had shut the door of his room, Pomni raised her hand to where he touched her. She couldn’t believe that he did that?! Was it part of a prank that she wouldn’t find out until later? And that wink! Oh how that caught her off guard! That moment wouldn’t be leaving her head anytime soon. But the way he winked, why did it remind her of Jack…nope, she wasn’t going down that road any time soon.

As the two retired for the night in their respective rooms – after changing into sleepwear that Caine had specialised for everyone – Pomni and Jax tried their best to push any thought they had at the back of their minds. All they had to do was go to bed and everything would return to normal. Right?

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Jack huffed, steam rolling out of his mouth as he trekked to the coffee shop down the street, yup, November winter weather was certainly making its way. His normal bus had been cancelled, which meant he had to take a different one in a different area of town if he wanted to make it on time to college. Although, he was lucky enough to make it on time to the bus stop, and it just so happened to be near a local coffee shop. So with a shrug, he decided than rather staying outside in the cold with zero energy, he would at least try and warm himself up indoors with some caffeine to help wake him up.

When he walked in, he noticed that the shop was fairly empty with only one other person at the counter walking for their order. That was fine, he could wait, besides it smelt nice it here, with an aroma of cinnamon and vanilla filling the air, probably new drinks that were made for the festive season coming along.

He decided to go on his phone, texting a classmate of his to say he might be late when an angry squawk from the woman in front of him made him wince. It was far too early for this.

“How dare you!” the woman screeched, “It says here that I can get a free muffin if I buy a beverage and that’s exactly what I’m doing to do! I’m in my right don’t you deny me!”

“Ma’am please,” another voice whimpered, “That discount is expired, I’m really sorry but I’m afraid you’re going to have to buy both separately, there’s nothing I can do.”

“I’m not paying for this garbage! And you will give my discount, I deserve it! You are either going to give me what I want, or I will report you to your manager!” the woman slammed a hand down on the counter.

The noise made Jack finally look up, wondering what on earth was happening and then, there she was, it was Penny! He couldn’t believe, ever since Halloween he had trying to find a way to contact her. At first, he wanted to ask Winter if she had her number, but he didn’t want to come across as creepy by getting someone’s number without asking. He tried to look on social media for her, but again, that also came off as creepy. So instead, he decided to wait and let the moment come to him. But here was some random woman to ruin said moment, screaming in Penny’s face, the poor girl looking as though she was trying to hold back tears. He had heard many horror stories with untitled people mistreating those they thought were beneath them, he just didn’t think he would see it happen in front of him, especially to someone he knew. Penny was a sweet girl; she didn’t deserve this.

“Ma’am please, these are the rules I was told to follow, I’m just trying to do my job,” Penny whispered.

“Well you’re not being good at it, are you?!” the woman screamed, “I have connections you know! One call from me and I can get the manager of this dump to fire you!”

It was a meaningless threat, clearly a bluff, but it didn’t stop Penny from turning as pale as a sheet, attempting to take deep breaths to try and keep herself calm.

Alright, enough was enough. Jack already had enough of this woman, particularly after threatening Penny. He noticed that the woman was still holding her thermos of coffee, but just so happened to have the lid off. This is gonna be fun he thought with a mischievous grin, waiting until the woman was standing in the perfect position and bumped into her, spilling the entire beverage all over her cream jacket.

The woman gawked, turning slowly towards him with an enraged glare, “You have some nerve! Do you have any idea how much this jacket cost?!”

“Well judging how you also had to pay for that terrible haircut,” he pointed to her bob, or rather, the poorly cut mess that ended by her ears, “I’m guessing not that much.”

The woman spluttered, holding a hand to her head. It was then that Penny finally noticed him, her mouth agape as he sent her a smirk.

“You are going to pay for this!” the woman angrily stomped her foot, almost mistaking her for a toddler throwing a tantrum, “One call from me and I can make you grovel.”

“Well madam, my friend just so happens to know someone from the FBI, so one call from me and she’ll know not only how you threatened me, but how you also verbally abused her partner’s sister,” his brows furrowed, no hint of any type of humour, letting the woman know just how serious he was, “Yeah, I know the person who has been nothing but kind while serving you, I’ve met her sister and trust me, she won’t be happy about the things I overheard you say. I’m sure that’s something you don’t want on your hands now, is it?” It wasn’t a lie, Winter did know someone from the FBI...because she was that someone. It was how she and Riley met, with the two always being paired for cases and eventually caught feelings for each other.

The woman gulped; all confidence gone when she realised that she lost all control of this situation she believed she could easily weasel her way out of. She shook her head.

“Good,” Jack grinned, “Now here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re going to apologise to this nice lady here, pay for your drink, leave her a good tip and carry on with your day.”

The woman grimaced, knowing better than to try anything else. She took her purse out, getting out the cash that she needed to pay her drink, and a $10 bill to put in the tip jar. “I’m…sorry,” she said through gritted teeth to Penny.

The girl was still in shock over what happened, remaining in a trance as she watched everything go down. She blinked and faced the woman again, “O-oh it’s okay, have a nice day.”

The woman huffed as she stomped past Jack, grinning as he watched her leave with defeat. He turned to Penny, “Well, not how I’d think we’d meet again but it’s good to see you again Penny.”

“Y-yeah, good to see you too,” she still seemed spaced out, slapping her hands against her cheeks to try and get herself out of her daydream, “Sorry, sorry. It just took me by surprise seeing you again while dealing with that customer, then you came in and…oh my god, you actually did that?!”

“Well I couldn’t just leave her yelling at you,” he said, “It still bugs me how people can talk to workers like that.”

“I’m used to it by now, its not the first time I had to deal with an angry customer before,” she shrugged, “Besides, I could handle it, you didn’t need to do that for me.”

Jack walked up to the counter, “But you shouldn’t have to deal with that. Seriously, are you okay?”

At his question, her lips lifted into a small yet grateful smile, it was telling how customers like that affected her when she was having this type of response by someone showing genuine decency, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Jack nodded to her answer, “So, this is my first time here, is there anything you recommend?”

“Are you sure?” she asked, “The menu’s right behind me if there’s something in particular you want.”

“Nah, its fine,” he rested his arms on the counter, “I don’t have any allergies or dairy intolerance. Surprise me.”

“Uh, yeah…yeah okay!” she grinned, already grabbing a red thermos cup – decorated with little Christmas tree for the season – “We have our holiday special, sweet but with a dash of spice. You’re actually the first customer to have it this year. Also, what size of cup would you like?”

“Large please, and I’m honoured,” he placed a hand to his chest dramatically, “Of course the ‘special’ drink is going to me, I am quite charming after all.”

Penny snorted as she started up the coffee machine, “Easy there, it just came out today and many people have had it years before you.”

“Ah, but you didn’t deny the charming part,” Jack leaned in a little bit closer, “Do you think I’m charming Pen?”

Oh god, where did the nicknames come from? Pull yourself together Penny, he probably has nicknames for everyone! The machine beeped; Penny pulled the cup away as she began to add the rest of the ingredient. “So, um, where you headed after this?”

Jack pulled back, he liked to tease but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, “Oh, I’m just heading to college. Buses got mixed up so I’m just grabbing something to keep me warm before I leave.”

“Oh really?” Penny perked up, interest filling her brown eyes, “What do you study?”

“Game design,” he answered, “It’s been something I’ve been interested in since I was a kid.”

Penny’s smile widened, leaving Jack a bit breathless. He would never get over how beautiful her smile was. “That’s so cool!” Penny marvelled, grabbing whipped cream and red and white sprinkles, “You must have so much fun doing that! Well, I don’t wanna assume but that sounds amazing! I mean, you probably have this whole world figured out in your head and figure out how to make it fun while fitting the story that’s been written and you have to capture every single detail to make it come to life, I mean, that’s gotta be a lot of work! At least I think it is, I don’t know about the whole video game world, oh god, I’m word vomiting again. Shit! I mean, shoot! I’m sorry, don’t tell my boss!”

The whole time, Jack couldn’t help but be in awe of her excitement. I mean, Winter and her family had always shown enthusiasm over his work and always found ways to support him. But why was it different with Penny? He didn’t know her other than what Winter told him about her, but it always left him intrigued of what Riley’s ‘mystery sister’ was like. In the short time he did know her, he found out that she was the sweet yet nervous girl that he wanted to know more about – he still felt bad about her fainting. The way she easily got ecstatic about what he did, it only made him want to know her more. When he noticed that she caught him staring, he coughed awkwardly, making her giggle a bit at his reaction, “No, its okay, I like hearing your quote on quote ‘word vomit’. And don’t worry, I won’t tell your boss.”

Penny looked up, hearing the sincerity in his voice. While it was true that she found him attractive when they met in the funhouse, it was this moment that reminded her why she hoped they would meet again. Despite his wit and cheek, this was a funny yet charming guy that she believed that she could find a friend in. She may or may not also have a small crush on him. She smiled at him, putting the last of the sprinkles on top of the whipped cream and closed up the beverage with the lid. “Here it is, one holiday special,” she beamed, handing him the thermos, “I hope you like it.”

She carefully deposited the warm drink into his hands, their fingers touching briefly before she quickly pulled away, supressing a blush. Jack lifted the drink to his lips, taking a sip, a gentle wave of cinnamon and sugar smoothed over all his senses, with a hint of cardamon and the sweetness of the whipped cream tying the whole coffee together. He hummed at the taste, it was just what he needed, “This really is Christmas in a cup.”

“I’m glad you like it!” she moved to the register, “That will be $3, are you paying with cash or card?”

“Card, thanks,” he pulled it out from his wallet, tapping the little machine and put it away once he heard the beep, “So, what are the rest of your plans for today?”

“Well, I finish my shift by lunch so after that I’ll be heading to my class,” she replied, “And you?”

 “I’ve got a longer day so its I probably won’t be home till late,” he sighed.

“Aw, poor thing,” she giggled. Jack wanted to savour that sound forever.

This is it, Jack! You’ve been waiting for a moment like this, ask her now! “Hey, uh, Penny?”

She looked up as she gathered his receipt, “Yeah?”

“So, I was wondering, if you ever wanted to catch up, like maybe go out for a coffee sometime?”

“Um, I work in a coffee shop,” she stifled a laugh.

“Right! Right, I mean like somewhere else that doesn’t have to be coffee specifically,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, “Do you think I could have your number so I could contact you?”

She wasn’t able to hide her blush this time, she could feel it rushing from head to toe. “YES!” she slapped her hands against her mouth, “I mean, yes!” Why can’t I just react like a normal person?

“Great!” Jack was sure he lit up like the lights of a Christmas tree.

“Um, oh, here!” Penny pulled a pen from her pocket, writing down her number on the top of the receipt before handing Jack the little slip of paper, “Just put it into your phone and send me a text, but no cursed memes, got it?”

“Can’t make any promises little lady,” he smirked, pushing down the rushing swell of excitement when he saw the hastily written number in blue ink.

“Excuse me, little?” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Well yeah, look at you, you’re basically pint sized!” he snickered.

“I am a normal height!” she scoffed, “It’s you who’s basically a giant!”

“Well I hate to break it to you little lady,” he was having way too much fun with this, “But you basically came up to my chin when we were in the funhouse, I think I’m already getting a neck ache looking down at you already.”

“Ugh, I regret giving you, my number,” She buried her face into her hands again.

“Too late now little lady!” he chuckled, pocketing the paper and walking out the door, “Oh and Penny, thanks for the coffee. I think I have a new favourite drink.” And person. He pulled out a $20 bill from his wallet, “Here, for your earlier troubles.”

He put the bill into her tip jar. Penny placed a hand on her hip, “Are you just trying to show up that last customer?”

“Of course not,” he denied, his grin said otherwise, “Only a petty person would do that.”

“Sure,” she snorted, “Now go, I don’t want you to be late for your class.”

“Don’t worry, my bus won’t be here till-” he looked behind him, panic filling his face as he noticed the bus begin to close its doors down the street, “-shit! Gotta go!”

He rushed out the shop, Penny clutching her sides as she laughed. If this is what the rest of their friendship was going to be like, she couldn’t wait for the ride.

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One Month Later

“Are you texting Penny again?” Winter appeared by Jack’s door, almost making him drop his phone against his computer desk, his headphones around his next while working on the last assignment before the holidays.

“Jesus Winter!” he exclaimed, “Where did you come from?!”

“Riley is visiting her sister for the weekend, so I’d thought to come visit and annoy you,” she grinned. Right, Penny had mentioned a while back that Riley would usually visit home when the holidays arrived. Even after moving in with Winter, the two were always welcome at Riley’s mom’s place when they had their annual leave. “My mom let me come up to see you, but you didn’t answer my question, were you texting Penny again?”

“I might’ve been,” he sent Winter a mock glare, “Didn’t realise you liked to snoop.”

“Oh please, as if you haven’t stuck into my room and messed with my shit, I still remember the centipede invasion,” she shuddered as she walked over to his bed, popping herself down, “You two are getting along pretty well huh?”

He noticed her soften at that last part, “Yeah, we’ve become pretty close.”

“To the point that you’ve been texting her ever since you got her number?” she raised a brow.

“Did your mom tell you that too?” he leant further back into his chair.

“Nope, just a lucky guess. And judging by the flustered look on your face I guessed right,” she laughed as Jack felt his already reddened cheeks.

“Wow, you’re just the worst,” he drawled sarcastically, but he was unable to hide a grin.

“But seriously though,” Winter sobered up, “I’m glad that you guys are getting along. Everyone else and I worry about you a lot since…you know…and I saw that you’ve been getting better with college, therapy and a job, but seeing stuff like this, I don’t know, it just reassures me a bit more. You’re basically like my brother, so I worry about you a lot. But you are doing okay, right?”

“Aww Winter, you do care!” he said, exaggerating his words. But he saw how Winter’s shoulders slumped, as much as the two teased each other, it was clear how much their emotional wellbeing meant to one another, “I’m doing better each day. I’ve actually talked to my therapist about Penny.”

Winter straightened back up right away, “Really, what did Andrea say?��

“I was basically telling her how we met and that we’ve been talking for the past month,” he chuckled a bit, “She was pretty shocked when I told her that I made Penny faint the first time I saw her. But other than that, I told her that while I’m glad I’ve met her, there’s something that’s been gnawing at the back of my head. Its just…Penny doesn’t know what I went through and there’s just this fear that she’ll feel like she needs to take on my problems once I tell her. I’m just scared that she’ll feel like she needs to ‘fix me’, I’ve met people like that and its always terrifying when they break themselves to help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.”

“But you do want to be helped,” Winter interjected quickly.

Jack nodded, “That’s what Andrea said. That and this; there’s a difference between supporting people through their hardships and putting the weight of the world on their shoulders. If Penny sees me, if she truly sees me, she’ll know that as well. But there’s also a part of me that’s afraid that she’s gonna run when I tell her what I went through, I mean I get it, but after this past month she’s someone I don’t want to lose.”

“Well it kinda goes back to what you said before, or rather what Andrea said before. If Penny truly sees you, then she’ll inevitably see the baggage as well,” Winter pointed out. “I mean, my family did. Did we run?”

Jack smiled, nothing smug, nothing playful, just a warm smile. “No, you all definitely didn’t put up with my bullshit, but you never ran…I don’t think I could ever repay what you and your family have done for me.”   

“Trust me when I say that Penny will do the same,” she affirmed, “She won’t quote on quote ‘fix you’, but she won’t run, not after knowing her and Riley through all these years.”

“Yeah,” he nodded before groaning, “God, why is being human so fucking complicated?”

“I have no idea! I’m still wondering how I’ve made it this far!” Winter exclaimed.

Jack shook his head, laughing. Winter gasped, making him stop, her face lighting up as though a lightbulb went off in her head, “Me and Riley were gonna go to the Christmas fair tomorrow, you should invite Penny! It could be a double date!”

“What?!” he nearly fell over in his chair, “Winter, I barely worked up the courage to get her number before seeing her in the coffee shop, what makes you think I’m able to ask her on a date?!”

“Well you don’t have to use word ‘date’,” she shrugged, “Just say that I invited you to come with Riley and I, so you were wondering if she’d like to go with you.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously!” Winter grinned, “Come on, mom’s been telling me that when you’re not at college or work, you’re glued to your phone texting Penny. I never knew how much of a simp you were.”

Jack put up his index finger, “Number one, your mom’s a snitch,” he put that one down and then switched to his middle finger and pointed it to Winter, “Number two, fuck you for the simp comment,” he finished with his ring finger, “And three, even if its not a said ‘date’, I still don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t worry,” she reassured him, though her smile looked as though she was hiding something, “I’ll help you with what to say. Besides, I kinda need you to go to. I have…something I need to pick up for Riley and I want to get your verdict.”

“What is it?” he asked.

Winter bit her lip before pulling out her phone, scrolling for a moment before showing him a ring that she found on a jewellery store website. But it wasn’t just any ring, “You’re gonna propose to Riley!”

“Shhh!” she put a finger to her lips, “Not so loud, you dumbass! And yes, I plan on proposing on Christmas day. The place where I’m getting it from is near the fair, so I plan on picking it up then. So not only to I need your opinion, but I also need you, so Riley doesn’t figure anything out.”

“So I’m just the distraction then?” he placed a hand to his chest in a faux manner, “I’m hurt Winter.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Poor you and that,” she waved a hand dismissively, “But seriously, the fair is gonna be a good chance to get the ring sorted and for you and Penny to spend some time together without texting.”

Jack sighed. All in all this did sound like a good opportunity for everyone, but it still didn’t stop him from sweating buckets. However, he thought about Penny. How would her face look in the Christmas lights? What would be her favourite booths there? Would she get excited at the first fall of snow? So many questions ran through his mind, and he desperately wanted the answers to all of them. “Winter,” he grabbed his phone, “Help me ask Penny to the fair.”

“Yes!” Winter pumped her fist in the air and sat on the edge of the bed closest to Jack, “Okay, here’s what you’re gonna do…”

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.

“Come on Penny, let me win!”

“Its not my fault you’re bad at this game!”

Penny and Riley were bundled up in blankets in the former’s bed, dressed in ugly Christmas sweaters as the two punched each button and control on Penny’s Switch controller, the graphics and music of Mario Kart blasting from Penny’s TV in front of them, and Riley was losing badly.

“I bet you’re cheating!” Riley bit her lip in concentration, grunting as she watched her sister overtake her in the race.

“Nope!” Penny popped the ‘p’, “You’re just terrible!”

After a while of struggling and laughing, Penny eventually won the race, leaving Riley to curl up on herself in defeat. “No!” she cried.

“And that’s another win for Penny!” the younger sister cheered, “I’d ask if you wanna play again, but after losing ten times to me, its probably best I pass on that.”

“One day I’m gonna beat you at this game, I swear!” Riley huffed.

“Keep dreaming Riles,” Penny snickered, her sister doing the same as the hype died down.

“So,” Riley started, “Winter told me that you’ve been texting Jack for the past month?”

“Yeah,” Penny smiled, thinking back to that day, “He had to get a different bus to college, and we met at the coffee shop that I work at.” She stopped when she noticed Riley’s frown, as though she were deep in thought, “Don’t tell me you’re still mad at him about the funhouse?”

“I can’t help it,” Riley admitted, “Sure I’m not as mad as before, but when it comes to you and hearing about someone scared you so much to the point of fainting, some kind of kill instinct goes off in my brain.”

“Riley!” Penny chided.

“Not literally!” Riley interrupted, “Pen, you’re my baby sister, and both mom and I have seen what you went through. I know it’s not an excuse, but I can’t help but freak out if something happened to you. But I’ll admit it, I might have exaggerated a ­little bit towards Jack.”

Penny huffed, “A little?”

“Okay, maybe a lot,” Riley rolled her eyes.

“Well you don’t need to worry,” Penny took her sister’s hand in hers, “He actually defended me from a rude customer that day. Some lady was going off at me because I wouldn’t accept her expired coupon, and he stood up for me.”

“Huh,” Riley lent into the pillows, crossing her arms, “Now that I didn’t know.”

“See,” Penny repeated the action, leaning her head on Riley’s shoulder, “I know you’re worried, trust me I get it. There’s still a part of me that’s gonna be wary of everyone that isn’t you, Winter or mom. Hell it took me a while to warm up to Winter and realise that she wasn’t like…them…but I’m getting less afraid each day, its not easy, but I think Jack is a genuinely good person. Besides, I kinda of, well…like him.”

Riley inhaled, her eyes widening a bit, Penny snickering at the reaction before continuing, “Don’t give me that look. Listen, all I want from you is to support me with this, if he’s Winter’s best friend, then he can’t be this ‘big bad Jack’ you’ve made up in your head.”

Riley groaned as her sister laughed at the memory of Winter teasing her on the way back from the Halloween festival. “Well either way,” Riley continued, “I guess that was…nice of him for doing that. But it still doesn’t change the fact that if he hurts you, I will tear his eyes out, shove them down his throat, make him watch as I tear out his heart and bury him alive at the bottom of the ocean!”

“Riley, I love you and all, but if you ever get arrested, I’m not bailing you out of jail,” Penny admitted, her face and voice deadpanned.

“Fair enough,” the older of the two shrugged. Their lips keep trying and failing to not crack a smile, the sisters burst out laughing, howling until their sides hurt and they leant on each other for support.

Once all was quiet, Penny heard her phone ping from her beside table. She grabbed it, noticing the text was from Jack. She gasped.

“What?” Riley stiffened up, her stance sharp and ready to defend, “What happened?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Penny reassured her, leaning closer to her sister to comfort her, “Its Jack, he’s asking me if I wanna join him, you and Winter for the Christmas fair!”

“As if I wasn’t gonna be asking you anyway,” Riley mentioned, earning her a look from her sister, “Alright, sorry, I didn’t mean to be snippy. You really like this guy, don’t you?”

Penny nodded, if she weren’t sitting in her bed, she would be bouncing on her toes. “Yeah, I do. I haven’t felt this sure about liking someone in a while. It just feels right, and I wanna see where this is gonna go. I’m saying yes. But please, for the love of God, when we meet up with him and Winter, be nice.”

“I’ll try,” Riley gritted out, “For you, I know it seems that I’m being overbearing, but I do trust you with this. Besides, I’ll be able to keep my eye on him this way. But if he hurts you-!”

“I know, you’ll bury him alive or whatever,” Penny chortled, “How the hell are we related?”

Riley’s nose crinkled with a cheeky smile, “Beats me.”

“No, I don’t want you contacting me or the girls!”

The two turned to Penny’s door, it has creaked open earlier but the two were so wrapped up in their game to realise. Their mother Amber was standing out in the hallway, a woman in her early 50’s, tall and lithe with red hair like Riley and green eyes. There were small wrinkles by the corners of her lips and forehead, but her overall aura radiated her youth. Right now, she was on the phone, pacing up and down the hall in her pyjamas with a frustrated look on her face.

“How could you say that?!” she questioned the other person on the phone, “I’ve tried to get you help but you never offered to take it!” There was a muffled sentence from the other person, but it was enough for Amber to shake with anger. “David, listen to me when I tell you this, if you ever try to contact the girls, I will fucking end you! No, you don’t have any right! Not after what you did to Penny!”

She looked over to the door, her eyes widening with guilt when she saw Penny and Riley. She was about to say something else before the voice spoke up again, making her turn away. “No! I know you’ve been turning up at Riley’s place…I’m not gonna tell her that! If she doesn’t want to see you, she doesn’t want to see you!”

Penny buried herself into the blankets, emotions that she hadn’t felt since she was younger picking at the back of her head, threatening to invade. What did he have to call now? What else could he want? Why couldn’t he just leave them alone?

Riley noticed her sister’s internal panic, getting up from the bed and closing the door over, settling back into the bed and starting up Mario Kart again. “Come on, give me one more game,” she smiled at Penny, bumping her shoulder, “I bet I can beat you this time.”

It was a series of movements that her older sister had repeated ever since they were kids, habits that still affected them even when they entered adulthood. Nevertheless, Penny returned the smile and the two continued the game. Cheering and making fun of one another, soon, the phone call was forgotten.

.

.

.

“Nervous?” Winter asked as they two parked the car outside of Penny’s home, waiting for the sisters to come out.

“No, of course not, I’m as chill as the ice we’ve been getting,” Jack retorted, his words smoothing over the obvious dread he was feeling.

Winter hummed, “Sure, and I’m guessing that your hands are shaking from the cold…despite the air conditioning in the car.”

“Exactly,” he smirked.

“Hey, its gonna be fine,” Winter placed a hand on his arm, “All we’re gonna do is have a fun day out and see what we get up to. Besides, you don’t think I’m not nervous either?! I’m buying an engagement ring for Riley!”

Jack chuckled, “How are you feeling about that?”

“Both excited and about to shit myself,” Winter replied honestly, “Imagine what its gonna be like when I actually propose.”

“Good luck with that,” Jack snickered, even harder when Winter hit his arm.

The door to Penny’s home opened and the two girls exited the door with another woman who Jack guessed was their mother. “Hey!” Penny grinned as she climbed into the car with Riley, “Sorry if we took too long.”

“Nah, you’re fine,” Winter smiled, reaching over to take Riley’s hand and placing a kiss on it, “Its not as long as Jack’s two-hour baths so you’re fine.”

“Hey!” Jack gaped, Penny giggling at his response.

The older woman knocked on the window, hugging the cardigan she was wearing closer to her as Winter rolled her window down. “Hey, I’m Amber,” she waved to him, “I’m Penny’s mom, I just wanted to officially say hi before you guys left.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you had the chance to meet Jack yet, have you?” Winter pondered.

“That’s on me,” he said, “I’m sometimes a bit funny with other people, but I think I’ve seen you sometimes when you or Riley visit. Sorry if I’ve never introduced myself, its usually because I’m busy or-”

“-Or being a social recluse,” Winter finished for him.

“Winter, I swear to God!” he started, but stopped when he heard Penny’s laugh. How did it sound so lovely each time he heard it?

“Well its nice to meet you too,” Amber grinned, sharing a look with her youngest daughter before turning back to Jack, “You’re all Penny would talk about. So it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Mom!” Penny cried.

“What?” Amber asked rhetorically, “I just wanted to get to know the guy that stole your heart. And he’s handsome too, good job baby.”

Penny brought her knees to her chest, mumbling into them, “Please just kill me now.”

“I’d like this conversation to end as well,” Riley butted in, glaring at her mother, “And I’d like my mom to stop scheming over my little sister please.”

Amber put her hands up in surrender, backing away from the car, “Okay, okay. Jack, make sure you bring Penny home safe, otherwise I won’t be able to control what Riley’s gonna do to you.”

Jack gulped when he heard the older sister crack her knuckles from the seat behind him, “Got it ma’am.”

“Winter,” She turned to the girl in the driver’s seat, “You take care of my other baby as well, alright?”

“You got it Ms Reed!” Winter gave the woman a thumbs up before placing her hands back in the steering wheel, “We’ll see you later!”

Amber waved as Winter started the car, waiting until it drove off before heading back inside, but before she went through the door, she faced back to where the car was sitting before. “Whoever’s out there, please give Penny a chance to be happy.”

.

.

.

“Wow!” Penny gasped, being the first to step out the car as soon as it was parked, “Look at this place!”

What was ahead could only be described as a winter wonderland. Many of the stalls there were decorated like Christmas trees or gingerbread houses, flashing lights of red, white and yellow were hung from each to toe of each building, the sweet smell of hot chocolate and other sweets roamed the air, there were minigames and the Ferris wheel was bright with multicoloured lights, and by the end of it all, the parade would begin along with fireworks.

Penny chittered, but there so no source of cold to make her react that way, there was nothing pure excitement fuelling her body. “Isn’t this incredible!” she called out to the others as they got out of the car.

“I’ve gotta say, they really went all out this year,” Jack walked up to her, marvelling the sight. Well, that and the way Penny shone just like each of the lights there.

“Okay, here’s what I think we should do,” Winter spoke up, “We’ll look at a few stalls and games, then we’ll break off into two, Jack will go with me, and Penny and Riley can go together-”

“Wait, why do you want to split up?” Riley asked.

“Oh, um, you know cause-” Winter stuttered.

“Because there’s this place that I’ve been pestering Winter to see,” Jack interjected, “I just think it would be pretty special to her so that’s why I wanted to take her myself.” He looked over to Winter, who was sighing with relief.

“Oh, yeah that’s fine,” Riley went over to her girlfriend, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, right so anyways,” Winter continued, “After that we should all meet up and check out the food, maybe a few more games, then we can stop and warm up with some hot chocolate at the café before the parade and fireworks.”

Penny grinned, “I think that’s sounds great.”

“I’m cool with that,” Jack nodded.

“It sounds great hon,” Riley placed a gentle kiss on Winter’s lips, the latter blushing before pressing her forehead against Riley’s.

“Okay,” Winter beamed, “Let’s go.”

They spent the next few hours doing just that. Jack quickly learned that while Halloween wasn’t Penny’s thing, Christmas definitely was. The way she bounced from stall to stall, admiring every little ornament and item they had for sale. She bought at least three bobbles, one bolt of new fabric – she squealed when she saw festive selection – and a new snow globe. Jack didn’t find himself minding one bit, just seeing her smile and as went into detail with every little thing warmed him so much that he couldn’t register the cold.

Riley and Winter were also having their own fun. Winter had dragged Riley into a photo session with statues of elves and reindeer, Winter had decided to place elf ears and fake antlers on Riley when she wasn’t looking before the photos, chortling at her bewildered reaction when Riley finally realised what she did.

There were many games to chose from as well, from balloon darts to ring tosses to even rides such as tilt-a-whirls, spinning teacups and bumper cars. Jack and Penny had settled on a high striker for their first game, with Jack determined to win and buy a stuffed bear for Penny. While he did get a good swing, it didn’t manage to reach the top. When Penny had her go, she swung the hammer as hard as she could, closing her eyes and bracing for impact as she hit the bottom, cheering when she heard the ring of the bell, and the prized bear was handed to her. What made it all worth it was the bewildered look on Jack’s face, both impressed and terrified of her strength.

The group had fun, taking photos, laughing and all around having a good time, but Riley didn’t let Jack and Penny out of her sight for a second. Perhaps she was being overprotective, and she knew Jack was a good guy before he and Penny met but did that stop her from wanting to keep her sister as safe as possible, absolutely not. She was pretty sure she was more protective over Penny than her mother, and she had seen how seriously Amber took her girls safety. After all, hell hath no fury like a mama bear.

Soon, when the time came, Jack and Winter split up from Penny and Riley, promising to be back as quick as they could while the two sisters decided to go on the Ferris wheel. Soon, the ring was picked up and boxed, secure in Winter’s bag as she and Jack made it back to the sisters, with Riley none the wiser of what her girlfriend had planned.

A while later, after two more stalls, four games and deliciously made crepes, the four made it over to the café and picked out a booth near the back. Winter placed her jacket on the plush seat, letting the warmth soak over her. “Well I think its time for a break,” she eyed Jack and Penny, smirking as a planned formed in her head, “Why don’t you two catch up, after all we’ve been a group since we came here, you two probably wanna talk a little bit. Riley, mind helping me with the hot chocolate.”

Riley’s protective senses came flooding back at the thought of Jack and Penny together, “Actually I-”

“-You’re helping,” Winter pulled her girlfriend out of her seat, with Riley sending a warning glare at Jack before walking away.

Now that the two were alone, they could finally have a moment without Winter and Riley hovering (especially Riley). “So, are you enjoying yourself so far?” Jack asked.

“Um, hell yeah!” Penny exclaimed, “I’m pretty sure that Christmas has been part of my DNA since I was a kid.”

Jack chuckled, “That far back huh?”

“Yeah,” Penny smiled.

Jack shuffled in his seat a bit, he had planned on telling Penny more about himself tonight, more in depth than any other conversation they’ve ever had, but it didn’t stop him from the fear running through his veins. But he had to tell her, he wanted to tell her. “Hey, Pen?”

“Yeah?” The girl looked up at him.

“Do you remember when you asked me how I first met Winter?” he gripped his jeans, bundling the fabric in his hands.

“Oh, yes I remember that” she remembered the nervous flicker, there definitely more there but she didn’t want to pry, since they had only met that day on Halloween, “Why?”

“I, um, there’s a bit more to it than I said,” he gulped, “And I wanted to tell you once we got to know each other a bit more, but since we’ve known each other a bit more this past month, I wanted to tell you the full thing.”

“Of course,” Penny straightened, ready to hear everything he said, good or bad, “Just, if you feel like you can’t tell me everything don’t feel like you need to keep going.”

“Right, right. Sorry I just…”

“Take your time,” Penny spoke softly, “You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

(1)

“I do, it’s just, really hard,” He took a deep breath, there was no turning back, “While Winter and I did meet in high school, before any of that I didn’t really have a great upbringing. My folks died when I was 2 and I don’t really remember them that well. Anyways, I was in the system for a few years being tossed around from family to family, some of them were good and some of them were terrible, until I was adopted by this family, real ‘moral’ citizen kind of people,” he scoffed, “They were anything but that. The dad was a narcissist, he never believed he did anything wrong and if you’d get in his way, he'd…well, we was a smoker so if I ever did anything he didn’t like, he’d burn me with his cigarette.” Penny gasped; he wondered if he should stop but the look in her eyes told him to continue. “Anyways, the mom just ignored it, after all we had to be the ‘picture perfect family who took in a poor orphan boy’, anytime I’d ask for help she’d say that I did something wrong and turn away.

But then there was their kid, Luke. He was a few years older than me, but he made sure me made my life hell. He’d beat me, spit on me, say things that still won’t leave me head till this day. One time he was choking me so hard that I thought I was gonna die, luckily his mom pulled him off me, but she put make-up on my neck to hide the evidence and went about her day. No matter what I did, Luke was always there, grinning, plotting on what he could do to me next. Then I met Winter in high school, one day I wasn’t able to hide my bruises and she saw. Her mom was a teacher there and she told her straight away. The next thing I knew I was eating lunch in her classroom. I remembered just how kind they both were, how they didn’t judge me…believed me. I think that was the first time I let people see me cry.

Anyway, Winter’s family tried to get me out of that place, tried to report it, but no one did anything about it, and Luke made sure that I paid for it getting out. Winter stuck to me like glue ever since, she kept an eye on me even when I didn’t deserve it. Even when I got bad and told her to fuck off, she told me straight up that she wasn’t gonna take my bullshit, she humbled a quite a bit then. But even though she didn’t put up with me being a dick, thank God, she never gave up on me. I knew then that even if it was hard, I couldn’t become like the people who hurt me, no matter how many voices there were, I didn’t want to lose anyone like Winter and be what I hated.

As soon as I was old enough to be emancipated, I moved out of that house and in with Winter’s family. The transition was so jarring, and I affected me a lot, I was abrasive, loud and rude. I just wasn’t able to handle the fact that there were people who actually cared about me, so I lashed out. Eventually I was sat down, and if I thought Winter could humble me, the rest of her family did it tenfold. I was so prepared for them to kick me out, to never want to see me again, but they didn’t. Instead, they comforted me, told me that I was safe and the next thing I knew, they were helping me set up therapy appointments to help me out. It took a while, but I tried getting on my feet again, I applied and got into college and even got a job as a scare actor. I’m still living with her family, but I’ve never felt freer in my life! I don’t think I could ever repay them or Winter for all they’ve done for me, sure there’s days that are harder than the rest, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

(2)

He took a breath as he finished and looked at Penny, her eyes were wide yet focused, taking in everything that he had said. It like a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulder. “I’m sorry if that was a bit much but-”

“Don’t be sorry!” Penny interjected, “I’m glad you told me, I just can’t believe that happened to you.”

“Some people are amazing, some people aren’t,” he sighed, “I want to be like the people who see the world with the potential it had…someone like you. I’ve wanted to tell you for some time, but I just didn’t want you to feel burdened by it, like you had to carry my weight as well.”

“I get it, honestly I do,” she replied, “I understand that this is a complex situation to talk about, but I’m glad that you did talk about it. Are you still in therapy?”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded, “The therapist is great, I don’t think I would be able to be like this if it wasn’t for her.”

“Well, if were gonna be talking about shitty childhoods, I guess…” Penny clenched her hands into fists.

“Pen,” Jack said quickly, “Don’t feel like you’ve gotta say anything because I did.”

(3)

“I want to,” Penny murmured, “Trust me, I want to tell you.” She took a moment to prepare herself. “Before I was born, my mom and dad were extremely in love, like, they were high school sweethearts who gushed over each other and got married in college. I also know that he and Riley were pretty close as well. But then, my mom found out she was pregnant with me. They wanted a second kid, but they never expected it so soon. My mom was happy but my David, my dad, while he said he was happy, looking back on it now I think he was only just saying that. I was born premature, and I was really sick, so I had to spend more time at the hospital. I think I was there for a few months, and my parents had to work extra hard to pay the medical bills. It was then that it was found out that David had been embezzling funds from the company he worked at, and it was my birth and medical bills that messed everything up for him. So one thing led to another, and he got fired. My mom wasn’t happy but eventually it was paid off.

I think that was a catalyst was a lot of things that happened in my life. Ever since then David was a completely different person. He stopped spending time with Riley, he didn’t help my mom whenever I needed fed or changed, and he wasn’t able to hold a job for long. It was also then I realised something that’s pretty fucked up for a kid, I don’t think anyone is supposed to think at 5 years old ‘why does my dad not like me?’ If I was ever alone in a room with him, he would just say such awful things to me, he called me worthless, pathetic, that I better be something great when I’m older otherwise I’m just a waste. That was just the tip of the iceberg. I would always be terrified to show too much of any emotion, whether it was happy, sad, scared, he would just scream at me to the point where I would just stop talking, I was just too scared to do anything at all. When I started middle school, I just became this shell of a person, I wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t move, always flinch. The thing is, when you act in a way that’s ‘different’ to others, it makes you a target. Soon, it became a norm for people to call me names, trip me, kick me. I still got sick a lot due being ill at birth, so it caused me to lose a lot of weight, and everyone made sure that they noticed. It got to the point where it was so bad that I was afraid to go to the bathroom in case there was anyone there. I hated everything about myself. I was too quiet. I was too scared. I hated my body. I just really fucking hated myself.

My parents’ marriage began to become more strained; they fought a lot and Riley realised how much David really sucked as a person. Whenever their fights got too loud, she would close the door and distract me with something like a game or a movie. My mom had to work overtime since David wasn’t working anymore so Riley had to make sure I was okay since he wouldn’t go an inch near me. I still think about how Riley was forced to grow up, because of me. She couldn’t go to parties or have fun because she was busy taking care of me. She said that she didn’t mind, but no one should be forced to give up their childhood, I ruined that for her.

One day, neither my mom nor Riley could get me from school, so David had to get me. He was acting like he usually did but there was something off about how he acted. He was complaining while driving us home, how he shouldn’t be doing this that he had better things to do that pick up his own daughter from school. He was driving so fast, he kept swerving from side to side, I though I was gonna be sick. But then, before I had time to react, we crashed. I remember just being in so much pain, I kept thinking that the last time I saw my mom and Riley would really be the last time. I woke up in the hospital later, Riley and my mom were by side, crying and saying how scared they were. Later we found out that David had been drinking and driving, in fact he had been drinking for a while. He just got worse at hiding it. The minute my mom found out she immediately filed for a divorce, ever since then she felt guilty about not doing sooner, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten hurt. There were times after that when David tried to reconnect with Riley and I, but we were just done with him.

After hearing about the crash and the divorce, I became a bigger target at school. The name calling and the beating got worse, if people pointed out about my weight before then they also pointed the scars that I got from the crash. It just really hit me how cruel people wanted to be. Eventually it got so bad that I just shut down, emotionally and physically. I just numbed myself to the point that I neglected my basic needs, I didn’t eat, I struggled to sleep, it just got really bad. My mom and Riley noticed, and they both tried to help, but I just couldn’t find any point to try. But then it all caught up to me, I was taking a bath and I just…passed out, there and then. I was lucky that I left the door unlocked, Riley managed to find me and screamed at my mom to phone an ambulance. When I came to it was from my mom performing CPR, she held me and cried that my heart stopped for two minutes. I think about that day a lot, how bad it got, I still hate how scared Riley and my mom were. I never wanted to make them feel that way again.

So I decided to get help, I went to a support group for a while and tried taking care of myself again, with Riley and mom’s support. I was also pulled out of school and finished the rest of the year online before being homeschooled, honestly for my sanity, it was for the best. I really struggled getting into a good routine and wanting to take care of myself, but I know that I’d rather try to be happy and see what life can offer me than hit another low like that again, because I know that all I did was make things worse for everyone. As for David, he’s been in and out of rehab a few times, but he’s never made any real effort to stay sober.”

(4)

She huffed as she finished that last sentence, she lifted her head to face Jack, gasping when she noticed tears spilling down his cheeks, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!”

“No, no!” He hastily wiped them away, “You don’t need to be sorry for anything! I can’t believe that happened to you!”

Penny sniffed, “Pot calling the kettle black don’t you think? Besides, I’m doing better now. College is good, I’m surrounded by good people. I know you say that you wanna see the world I do, but I kind of have to. If we can’t see the world for what it offered us, how can we be human?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he wiped away another tear, “Just, all this shit we’ve been through, sometimes you forget how hard it hits.”

“Its like what you and I said about costume and game design,” Penny said, “We used what we loved to help us with it all.”

“Even if its still hard sometimes,” Jack finished.

“Yeah,” Penny nodded, “Even then.”

“Penny, I’m sorry that all that happened to you,” Jack whispered, gently taking her hand under the table, “This is gonna sound really corny, but for what its worth, I see you.”

Penny’s breath hitched, Jack’s thumb stroked her hand, providing comfort after all they had laid out. She won’t lie, there was still a part of her that was scared now that there was nothing hiding the bad stuff anymore, and she was sure he felt the same. But there was also something else, courage. Courage to see this through, courage to remind her that there are people who will care and love her, Jack was one of them. “Jack, I see you too.”

He let out a shudder, tension releasing from his muscles. This girl was truly something else, and after hearing what she went through, he was going to follow his own advice. He understood why Riley was so protective over her, he would be the same if it was Winter in that situation. There was still that still wanted to hide, but he couldn’t, not from her. It was then he realised how deep and far he had fallen for Penny.

Two mugs were slammed onto the table, provided by an exasperated looking Riley, “Well that took longer than it should’ve.”

“It’s a busy fair this year, I’m not surprised the que was that long,” Winter interjected, placing down two other mugs of steaming hot chocolate, “So, did you guys have anything to talk about?”

Jack and Penny shared a look, just one but it shared much more than just a ‘talk’. “Yeah,” Jack nodded, “We did”.

The group made sure to savour the hot chocolate that they were given, the sweet taste warming them as they kept an eye on the time. Once they were down, the gathered their jackets and headed back outside again, anticipating the parade that was about to begin.

The moment the first float came out, the crowd erupted into cheers. Each of them had a different them yet kept it related to the holiday season, but the crowd favourite and what got everyone to cheer was the last one carrying an actor of Santa with real reindeer with their reigns held by professionals where the ‘Santa’ waved from his sleigh.

As soon as the parade ended, the fireworks began, lighting the sky with red, green and yellow. It Jack didn’t think Penny looked pretty before, seeing the fireworks reflect in her eyes made her look beautiful. He was sure that a core memory had been created right then and there, locked away in the back of his head, but he didn’t mind one bit. And certainly didn’t mind when Penny held his hand as they watched the fireworks, both of them ignoring the sudden racing of their hearts.

The night was over. The stalls began to close, and each light went off one by one as everyone walked back to their cars.

During the drive home, the group would talk about all they saw that night, commenting on what was their favourite out of the whole fair. Riley had set next to Winter this time while Jack and Penny shared the back, enjoying one another’s company.

Soon, Winter rolled the car up by Amber’s house, letting the girls out. Winter and Jack got out as well, wanting to walk them to the door before they left. Riley and Winter shared one last kiss, the former was going to stay another night at her sister’s place before going back home with Winter tomorrow, but with they way the couple was acting was almost straight out of a soap opera, as if it would be eternity before seeing the other again.

As Winter went to hug Penny, Riley looked over to Jack. “Look here smart guy,” she growled, “Penny is really important to me, so if I find out you’ve been messing with her, I will tear you limb from limb. So consider this you’re last and only warning.”

Jack nodded, shivering not just from the cold, but mostly from the icy stare down that Riley was giving him. “I understand, really,” he reassured her, “You’re a good sister Riley.”

The stare melted a bit, not a lot but just a bit, Riley’s features softening slightly, “I know I am.”

Winter and Penny pulled away, “I’ll see you tomorrow Riley, Jack are you coming?”

“Just a sec Winter,” Jack went to face Penny, “I just wanna say bye to Penny first.”

Winter grinned, “Oh of course, I’m just gonna head to the car.”

“And I’ll just wait out here,” Riley crossed her arms just as the front door opened, revealing Amber.

“Oh hey guys you’re back,” Amber smiled, “Did you have fun?”

“We did mom,” said Penny, “I was just saying bye to Jack.”

“Oh well in that case, Riley could you come in here for a bit I need your help with something?” Amber asked, her smile was all-knowing as she looked at Jack and Penny.

“As a matter of fact-” Riley interjected.

“-She doesn’t mind at all,” Winter shoved her inside.

“GODDAMMIT-!” Riley shouted before Amber slammed the door.

“Like I said, I’ll be in the car,” Winter skipped away, leaving the two by the door.

“Do you have any idea what that was about?” Penny questioned.

Jack shook his head, “Not a clue.”

Penny put her hands behind her back, staring at her feet shyly before peering back up at him, “I had a lot of fun, thanks for inviting me.”

“I think you being there made it a lot more fun,” Jack admitted, watching the way pink dotted Penny’s cheeks, “Are you still okay after all that?”

Penny nodded, “Yeah, you?”  

“Mmhmm,” Jack hummed affirmatively, “Just text me wanna hang out again.”

“I will,” Penny agreed, “Probably after Christmas, but I think Riley, mom and I are coming to your house for Christmas dinner.”

“Really?” Jack lit up, noticing how he sounded before sobering himself up again, “I mean yeah that’s great; I can’t wait to see you then.”

Penny giggled, “Smooth. Well, goodnight then.”

“Goodnight Penny,” Jack whispered one more time, turning away.

Penny was about to go inside when she decided to do one more thing while she still had the courage, after all, the night was still young. “Jack, wait!”

He lifted his head at the call of his name, “What? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, its just, um, you f-forgot something,” Penny stammered, working herself up as much as she could, “You forgot this.”

She planted a kiss on his cheek, pulling away quickly. Jack’s mouth was agape, a small gasp escaping, but he didn’t know how else to express the adrenaline he felt internally. The night couldn’t have ended more perfect, with the lamp on the sidewalk illuminating the two as the falling snow powdered round them. He blinked the surprise away, smirking down at Penny as the girl blushed at her actions, “Thanks little lady.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and oh how her face turned even redder than a Christmas light.  

“I-I,” she stuttered, every part of her was rushing, cheering, yet all she could say was, “I’M NOT LITTLE GOODNIGHT!” Before running back into the house.

Jack chuckled, walking back to the car and sitting in the passenger seat. He could feel Winter’s teasing eyes on him, “Shut up.” His voice had no malice and the lovestruck grin was still plastered on his face.

Winter chuckled, driving away into the night. Jack smiled, he fell hard, and he loved every bit of it.

.

.

.

Jax bolted up in bed, grumbling. Here he thought he wouldn’t have another dream, yet fate had other plans. He placed his hands on his cheeks, feeling a wetness on his fur. Was he seriously crying in his dream? “Why does this keep getting weirder?” he mumbled to himself.

He raised a hand to his cheek again, to the same place Penny kissed Jack. One reason why he hated these dreams feeling so real was because he wanted that. He wanted someone just to like him, not even romantically but to just like him. Someone who could take a chance to actually want to know him, like how Penny wanted to know Jack. But he knew why though, he kept pushing everyone away who actually tried. The only thing he remembered from his first day here was nothing but fear, and the feeling of his past-self fleeting away, slipping from his fingers and before he knew it, he was reduced to nothing but a cowardly rabbit, finding it easier to just bite at whoever came near him than feel that fear again. Caine didn’t seem to care, as long as it made for a fun adventure.

He hated Jack, he hated that he seemed happier, he hated that he was brave enough to admit that he was scared, he hated how he had a family, a friend, that he felt the freedom of falling in love and wanting to maintain it. “Shut up Jax!” he growled to himself, “It’s a dream, just a dream, its not real!” But oh how he wanted it to be real.

He tried to ignore it for the rest of the day, focusing on how he could mess with the others, maybe he could steal one of Kinger’s pillows from his fortress. It all came to a halt when he heard the sound of two familiar voices.

“I’ve given you multiple chances to do this adventure!” Caine boomed throughout the tent, “Yet each time you don’t play it right! You are a jester, play your part!”

It wasn’t the first time Jax heard how angry Caine could be, the AI could be flat out terrifying went he wanted to be. He was curious about what him so angry. He peered round the corner and that’s when he saw it, Pomni cowering beneath Caine as he yelled at her.   

“I’m sorry, I’m trying I promise I’m trying!” she sniffled, “But you didn’t give me a chance to prepare when you threw those knifes at me! I didn’t even know it was going to be an adventure, I’m not even sure if I was a jester in my past life-”

“-This is your new life!” Caine thundered, making everyone else come in to see what was going on, but backing up when sensing Caine’s mood. This place was risky, but nothing worried them more than seeing Caine reach his limit. “If I ever hear you speak about an exit again so help me Pomni!”

“But I didn’t-”

“You are Pomni! You are a jester! This is your life!” Caine screamed, “If it takes throwing knifes at you to make you realise then so be it!”

Pomni curled in on herself, looking smaller than she ever did. It was then something triggered in Jax, a sense to run, a sense to defend her, a sense to rid her of the fear that Caine was installing in her.

I would always be terrified to show too much of any emotion, whether it was happy, sad, scared, he would just scream at me to the point where I would just stop talking, I was just too scared to do anything at all.

He had no self-control over what happened next. One moment he was at the side like everyone else, watching the whole thing go down. Next, he was in front of Pomni, starting at Caine as the AI tilted his head at Jax’s new and sudden behaviour.

The rest of the crew was shocked as well, Jax would’ve never have done this for anyone, yet Pomni was here for barely three months, and he was glaring at Caine without the slightest ounce of fear, and if he did feel it, he didn’t dare show it. Even Pomni was taken aback, uncurling herself to look at the rabbit in front of her.

“Jax,” Caine spoke quietly and softly, but it was dreadfully eerie, “What is the meaning of this?”

Jax knew he had to say something, Caine was smarter than he let on, so he had to play his cards right and stay in character, “Oh you know, I was gonna keep it to myself but Bubble currently loose in the carnival outside, I think he said something about being glad he was free reign of kitchen supplies?”

There was a beat, but it felt like forever with how Caine was staring at him, calculating each word Jax said within his digital consciousness. Jax tried to keep calm, trying not to lose focus when Caine gasped dramatically, the encounter already forgotten. “Not the carnival!” he screeched with panic before floating out the tent, “Bubble! You parasite! Don’t you dare touch that rollercoaster!”  

Jax nearly sighed with relief, the way Pomni looked so afraid, it reminded him too much of Penny and how she described her dad. Maybe what he did would come back to bite him later, but right now, he just couldn’t bare to see Pomni so scared. Because its only fun to mess with myself that’s why Jax defended internally, you just pitied her that’s what!

“Um,” Pomni’s small voice broke him out of his daze, he turned to see the jester clutching her hands together, “Thanks, for that.”

“Well the carnival is mildly entertaining, so I didn’t want to let Bubble destroy it,” he replied, trying to ignore the sting in his chest at the way Pomni’s face fell. He sighed, “You’re welcome little lady.”

Pomni’s head shot up fast, did he just say? No, that was your imagination, there’s no way he said that!

Pomni’s dreams had also returned the other night, leaving her waking up with tear-stained cheeks and flustered screeching. She remembered how Jack pressed his lips to Penny’s forehead, how she could somehow feel the imprint on her own head when she woke up. But that wasn’t possible, it wasn’t real, they weren’t real! Nothing but her mind playing tricks on her again and she thought she could forget about it, but Caine had magicked her on a wheel and began throwing knifes at her. She had freaked out and tried to get away, not realising that it was one of his ‘adventures’ before he started screaming at her. Then Jax swooped in, why did he do that, what could he hope to gain?

And then there was the ‘little lady’ comment and the déjà vu swelled up in her brain again. Why did her heart start racing when Jax said it? She shouldn’t be reacting this way, before after how he tucked her hair behind her ear the other night, and now this, she wasn’t sure if she could fight off being flustered anymore.

“Um, yeah, cool, we’re cool right?” she cringed at herself for that one, Jax even looked a bit confused at that, “I’m just gonna-” she bolted down the hall and back to her room to save herself from anymore embarrassment.

Jax shook his head and chuckled, Pomni was just too cute sometimes, he wouldn’t deny it, you can’t deny something that’s true right?

“Um Jax?” Gangle walked up to him, making him grunt as he faced her, “Bubble hasn’t been outside all day.”

Damn it, caught! “Jax,” Ragatha raised a brow at him, “What’s going on?”

“What?” he tried to save face as much as he could, “I can’t mess with dentures from time to time?”

“Oh please,” Zooble grumbled, “As if you were thinking about messing with Caine. We’re not blind you idiot; everyone can see that you did this for Pomni.”

 “Seriously, you really think I’m going soft for the newbie,” that was a boldfaced lie, and everyone knew it, “Kinger, Hoo haa, back me up on this buddy.”

The chess piece only stared at the group, silent for a while before saying, “Is this about an insect collection?”

“…See, just wanted to mess with Caine,” it wasn’t much but it was the best that he could save himself, “Now if you don’t mind, I don’t want to see the rest of you for the day, goodbye!”

He shoved himself past them all, ignoring the knowing looks on his back. He didn’t feel anything for Pomni, there was no way. After all that would be ridiculous, like having sudden dreams in this dimension type of ridiculous. After all it wasn’t as if he was curious about what her laugh sounded like, or how beautifully unique her eyes looked, or if he spent last night falling asleep while thinking about her…

…oh no.

[faislittlewhiteraven]

Undertale/ISaT crossover thoughts 2

Been thinking more about this despite trying to vent out all my thoughts in this previous post and now I have something of a plot I figured I'd share (in case anyone else would like a stab at it/some ideas for their own Undertale/ISaT crossover fanworks).

Story opens with a time looping Chara in the void hitting their breaking point. The wish for freedom from generations of monsters + their own alternating wishes to free their family and hurt the humans who hurt them equals a loop that begins with their incredibly painful death to buttercup induced internal blistering, and ends whenever Asriel (post absorbing Chara's soul) is killed or they 'fail to punish' Chara's human family and well. Chara doesn't know the rules so the two have them have been looping so long that now when they reach the village of humans by Mt Ebott, instead of the friendliness they were shown in early loops (before getting murdered by the official authorities who 'already have orders on how to treat monsters') the villagers now attack them on sight in terror (sobbing monster thing? Sadness!), and they keep dying over and over and over-

Basically full 'Start Again a prologue' vibes, and so Chara in full please just make it stop mode wishes to the Universe...

For everything that hurt them and monsters to be forgotten like a bad dream! (cue The Island, Sif and Chara's homeland, as well as certain nasty individuals like Chara's human 'family' being erased from memory)

For someone kinder, stronger, and untainted by hate to 'be the angel' to free the monsters in their place.

To feed the golden flower seeds stuck in Azzy's fur with their corpse.

To atone in any way for all the pain they've caused.

(To one day be able to sit and stargaze on top of Mt Ebott together with those they love, just like they promised Asriel they'd be able to do)

Cue time skip to after the end of Undertale and Flowey's 'please don't reset and ruin their happy ending' speech, to show Chara's ghost flopping on top of their flowerbed grave wondering how long they'll be able to last before they give in and ruin Frisk's happy ending once more (with heavy implication that Chara is once more stuck in a time loop with no idea how to get out).

Then a cut to Toriel and Frisk making their way down Mt Ebott and spying a shooting star, Toriel remembering her religion (goodness, how could she have forgotten the Universe?) and praying/wishing to the Universe to 'have one of its stars watch over her fallen children, and give them the happiness she could not'. Cue Chara being shocked out of their non existent skin by a person with the head of a star crashing down right through them onto their grave out of seemingly nowhere.

(Aka, Plot line 1: Chara is trapped in time loop hell and Loop has been sent to help them and possibly Flowey? out of it. ... That's literally all I've got for them right now because I have NO idea how to actually have them interact XD)

---

Next section of story cuts over to the northern coast line of Vauguard: Sif and family (including Nille) are on their way back to Bambooche after their most recent travels when basically the world explodes into colours, Sif suddenly remembers a LOT more than they used to and they can all now see the large landmass to the north.

Much eye boggling, confusion, wonder and tears are had before everyone kind of parties and passes out but next day, things are being taken much more seriously:

Why is Sif's forgotten homeland, the Isle of Chara, suddenly back? Why are colours? How is this going to effect all of Vauguard (the fashion industry alone..)? And... What happened to the people of the island? Are they ok or..? And how will the rest of the world react to them being the epicenter of so much very unexpected change?

Cue brief discussion on whether or not to go (mostly just double checking with Sif if he's actually up for it despite the many potential horrors they could find there that are sure to be extra traumatising to them in particular), the group checking in with the House in Bambooche to have word sent to the rest of Vauguard (and hopefully the world at large) that the Saviors of Vauguard are on the case, and well. They could catch a boat or they could try walking along that MASSIVE steel and concrete bridge with its weird black road stretching out over the ocean (which was apparently there the entire time and ok, now everyone is getting really freaked out because it seems there was a fair bit more forgotten than 'just' the Island and the Stars. What else did everyone have stolen from their heads?).

(Aka, Plot line 2: The Saviors of Vauguard heading for The Island, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, and also the plot line I've done by far the most work on, to the point that it probably needs it's own post)

---

And last section, Frisk leads their monster friends down Mt Ebott back to 'the village of the humans' they came from and the monsters are stunned by the sight of... Well, wailing and sobbing adults who barely give the monsters a second glance, curious and 'just as silent as Frisk' children who smile and wave, and an old man Frisk introduces as 'Elder' who despite being very wobbly and also in tears, does his best to greet the monsters, thanks them for returning Frisk and very politely asks if Asgore is their king and here to kill them all as the stars foretold.

Cue a bit of awkward 'Um. Yes and no?' with a request to open talks with the 'leaders of humankind' only for the old man to laugh and cry as he explains that he's the closest thing this settlement's had to a leader for years now by virtue of being one of the few adults here with enough presence of mind to actually function through The Forgetting (he thanks his younger years of being an avid traveller) and that since the monsters breaking the Barrier seems to have made The Forgetting stop and they seem to have some form of government then honestly, they're the ones in charge now since stars know there's probably not much left of the Island's government still remaining all this time, and it's doubtful the people of other countries even remember they exist.

Cue everyone other than Frisk who knew all this being very surprised (Frisk's follow up 'explainations' don't really help a lot since The Forgetting is all they've ever known, and Toriel is so messed up when she realises Frisk and a good number of other kids literally can't talk or read without 'Communication Craft' due to the memory wipe effects they suffered under while growing up) and well. Monster kind move out of Mt Ebott at a breakneck pace while Toriel, Asgore, Alphys and everyone frantically try to get everyone settled, help all the very damaged Islanders into as much stability as they can (some recover better than others but there's a lot of grief over lost family, missing people, etc going around and monsters end up stopping more than a few suicides), and get things organised enough they know everyone will be fine before they can move onto working out WTF happened here. Also in the process of all this they end up working out that some things (like who was in charge before The Forgetting) are still being 'auto deleted' from memory (though the effect is fading as time goes on) and also the Island's capital is a space warped nightmare filled with Sadnesses right now and probably everyone should avoid it.

Lots and lots of world building regarding what Monsters vs Sadnesses are, my headcanons for the Universe religion (going with the Monsters also traditionally being Universe worshippers and much talk is had on the differences between 'the old ways' Toriel and Asgore remember vs the traditions and beliefs of the Islanders), and... yeah.

(That's Plot line 3: Frisk leads the monsters to the one semi stable human adult they know of and the monsters realise that not only are they free to live on the Surface now but the local humans both see them as saviors and desperately need their help after going through something that arguably makes the Underground look wonderful in comparison.)

---

Eventually I'm going to have to tie all three of these ideas together and I think I've got some ideas for Plot lines 2 and 3 such as:

Sif's family and/or Undyne bumping into each other catching all the trains to search for survivors across the Island

Mirabelle and to a lesser extent the whole party finding themselves the official Vauguardian ambassadors to the newly formed human/monster Island/Isle of Chara alliance who are very much in need of aid and more info about the rest of the world.

Papyrus and Frisk also being ambassadors, making all the friendships.

Sif realising 'the Elder' is their grandfather on their mother's side and trying to wrap their head around having any family around at all (and also trying not to think to hard about all the family still missing).

Isabeau and Odile uncovering just how much stuff countries outside the Island forgot (airports, train stations, cars, all that juicey science stuff).

The Saviors of Vauguard and various Undertale folks investigating the capital together (learning some of the less pleasant aspects of the Island's politics and culture while there including stuff about Sif's dad's side of the family and why the name Chara matter so much). But well. So far have NO CLUE how to get Chara, Loop and Flowey involved with the rest of the cast since well, they're reluctant to leave and no one else knows they're there. So. Yeah. That's what I have planned out mostly. Will list a bunch of stuff I've thought of regarding Sif's group going through the Island and their hometown (totally gonna bring up the 'Euphrasie Islander and possibly Sif's mom' theory in story but not actually confirm or deny it since well, Euphrasie is out of focus and most likely going through a major 'my memories have returned, how could I have forgotten-' breakdown her beloved Claude is going to have to help her through <3) but that's for another post and er. Yeah. Please feel free to share any feedback, ideas or thoughts you might have on this, and to take a stab writing/scribbling up some of this yourself as well as I think it cold be a lot of fun and I'd LOVE the help XD

[descendant-of-truth]

Well guys I did say in one of my tags that the Prime!Shadow analysis would be for another time and that time is now because I'm mentally shaking him around like a ragdoll trying to figure out his secrets

What I want to highlight is just, the sheer number of ways he's been set up as the odd one out in the first third of the season alone, and why I find that so interesting. So let's break that down for a minute:

The first thing we learn about him is that he's not Sonic's friend or enemy, but a secret third thing - his rival, as specified later

But despite having a clear label for it in episode 2, Sonic finds this particular dynamic "complicated." Shadow is the only person in his life that falls under that category, and it shows in how he describes him.

"He's a real buzzkill" (negative), "and he rollerskates!" (said with admiration). Sonic complains about Shadow and compliments him in the same breath, which is hilarious but also good for character building

In that same scene though, Shadow momentarily breaks into Sonic's narration to tell him that they're air shoes, not roller skates, which is ALSO funny but once again, he's the only character to do this. Even if it's for the sake of humor, Shadow is given a sort of... protagonist privilege, if you will. He's the only one to break the "Sonic POV," something he does not just this once, but multiple times over the course of a few episodes.

Now, there are other scenes that are from the perspectives of characters that aren't Sonic, but what makes Shadow's scenes different from theirs is that his are used specifically to show that Sonic can be an unreliable narrator.

The very first scene in the show after Sonic happily describes his status quo is the event with the Paradox Prism. A moment that Shadow was 100% there for, albeit towards the end, but who is conveniently left out until we return to the scene in later episodes.

And the framing is just. so deliberate on a rewatch that it hurts, because this is one of the very first shots we see of the show:

...and it takes place directly after Sonic knocks Shadow into a wall and runs away.

Literally the INSTANT Sonic takes his eyes off of Shadow is when the show's story begins, and it starts with Sonic narrating and completely glossing over Shadow's existence

(Is anyone else going insane over this. is it just me. does the implied mental gymnastics happening here make anyone else feel like they're vibrating)

Anyway as I was saying, removing Shadow from the scene with the Prism (even cutting out his voice when he shouts "Chaos Control") keeps us in Sonic's perspective just enough to share in his confusion when he starts to remember the incident more clearly.

(It also implies that he didn't consider Shadow to be important enough to take note of in the first moment we watch the scene, which. oof, sorry Shadow)

He's also missing in the scene where Sonic is first traveling through the void, despite showing up like two seconds after him - another instance where we're kept in Sonic's perspective just enough to miss the bigger picture that has Shadow in it.

Meanwhile, scenes from Shadow's point of view give us all sorts of information; the fact that Chaos Emeralds exist, more detailed effects of Sonic's speed-amplified explosion (it gave him a vision of some sort, which I'm convinced is implying something important about it beyond "it blew up part of a mountain"), how exactly he ended up in the void, why Sonic was late to the fight with Eggman, all that good stuff

It's a pretty consistent theme with Shadow, actually. He's always there to represent the bigger picture that Sonic isn't seeing.

...partly because Sonic keeps forgetting about him, in contrast to Shadow being the only other person to remember who Sonic is.

(I didn't know where else to fit this point in, but Shadow's lost in the void while Sonic is bouncing back and forth between worlds like it's a professional sport. Narrative foils and all that, we love to see it)

But there's another way that Shadow is made distinct from everyone else Sonic knows from the original world, that I think is going to have a big effect on his character development: Shadow doesn't care about sparing Sonic's feelings.

A lot of the conflict between Sonic and his friends is based on the fact that Sonic doesn't listen well, but another thing to consider is that his friends don't really... tell him when he's made a mistake, or what their point of view was, or what exactly he was doing wrong.

Tails? He could have explained that telling Sonic there was a trap was supposed to be a cue not to attack Eggman, and that he thought Sonic knew that, and so him attacking anyway felt like blatantly disregarding his warnings.

Instead, he brushes it off with an "it's fine."

Amy tries to explain that the palm tree gift has a lot of sentimental value to everyone, and yeah that whole situation went poorly, but it doesn't seem like she ever communicated to Sonic that him disregarding it hurt their feelings.

If he was just told that he messed up and explained how he did, you know he would have tried to make it up to them, like how earnestly he apologized to Tails. He could have been working on these problems a lot sooner, but because the others want to preserve their friendship with him and don't like getting into arguments, they don't communicate with him.

Shadow has no such hangups about their relationship. He tells Sonic exactly what his problem is.

...even if Sonic doesn't seem to hear him, and Shadow should really work on the whole "punching to get his attention" thing.

There's a lot of room for improvement here, but my point is that Sonic needs someone to be this upfront and honest with him. Straightforward communication is clearly what he understands the most - Thorn simply asking him (albeit rudely) what he knew about togetherness was all it took for him to really start thinking about that, though admittedly the circumstances around the question probably helped.

And because Shadow has been set up as the only person who still knows and remembers Sonic, the one who has a wider perspective on things than he does, and cares enough about him as a person to try to get through to him in the first place without being held back by a need to maintain a friendly stance with him... he's the perfect person to help accelerate Sonic's character arc.

And, y'know, hopefully Sonic can do the same for him - though it's hard to say what exactly Shadow needs help with (beyond Not Punching People) that Sonic could contribute to, given his little screen time so far.

Case in point: this show is setting up Shadow to be Important in a way that only Shadow can be and I for one am hyped to see it all play out

[profectua]

☆𝙁𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧 𝙋.𝙊.𝙑.

𝗌𝗒𝗉𝗇𝗈𝗌𝗂𝗌; w𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖬𝖾𝗀𝗎𝗋𝗎 𝖡𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗋𝖺? (𝖴𝗇𝗋𝖾𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗇𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝖾𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁)

The first flowers of spring were beginning to bloom as you and him tread the path before you. His eyes were shocking yellow and only seemed to get brighter when he looked at the flowers, almost like that of a pure child. You could only help but stare at him, a fleeting yet beautiful emotion washing over your heart. 

What was this?

“Look! Aren’t they pretty?~” he said with a giggle. It was music to your ears.

“O-oh..yeah-” the innocent brown-blonde haired boy grabbed your hand and for a second you swore your heart was about to leap.

What is it?

That was the first time. The first time of many. The first time you felt such emotions for the eccentric boy, Meguru. That night you scrolled through the pictures of him under the newly bloomed flowers, all giddy and smitten. 

No doubt, it was love. What a confusing emotion.

Meguru was quite the energetic person. He radiated the energy of the sun in broad daylight, or so you say. You watched him play football, you saw him at his highs and lows. You’d like to say you were there when no one else was. Though you didn’t know what he thought of you, hopefully, certainly he thought of you as someone special that he held dear to his heart as well, right?

Probably.

To be fair, he was ostracised almost his entire life so you were the one person he’d tell all his stories too. He told you about the monster, he told you about soccer, he told you about his dreams.

And with each talk you could feel yourself falling deeper in love. Maybe it was the way he always held his head up high, or the way he always knew how to cheer you up with that adoring smile and even the slightest of his touch. He was an optimist. And he had high hopes. You knew that. That's how it was with Meguru. 

“One day…one day I know I won’t have to keep playing by myself. Don’t you think so?” he said in a somewhat cheerful tone, turning his head to you with a hopeful smile, his eyes glistening.

He always seemed so passionate and sincere with every word. Like he didn’t have a care in the world, even if there was no one that quite understood him. You’d like to think that you were there for him, though.

Meguru was a playful guy. Sometimes he’d pass you funny little notes or kick the football at your back much to your surprise, only for him to giggle mischievously after. You can’t stay mad at him. He was like sunshine while you were a drifting cloud, way too infatuated for your own good.

“Wait, wait..,” he rummaged through his pockets, pulling out your favorite candy. “I got it for you, hehe~!” He always did cute things like that without much thought. Little did he know that when he did, it sent a weird feeling in your stomach. Butterflies, as they say.

Sometimes you wished for something more because your feelings were starting to overflow and absorb your heart. You could tell from the way you got lost in his eyes when he smiles, from the way he never gave up his ideals, from the way he just existed. If the whole town were to suddenly go dark, he’d certainly still shine, even if by himself. Because that's how he was. Even if it felt like he was alone, even if he was oh so far away, he was brighter than any star you’d ever seen. And you wanted it to stay night forever. 

You loved him. But he was always in his own little world. Maybe that’s another thing you liked about him. But even so, you still knew how he felt. At the end of the day, it was him and himself. You could only observe from the background. Like a spectator, almost.

Something ached.

Obviously that’s what he cared about. You know you can’t fill his void, don’t you?

That all changed though. Meguru’s football career was flourishing. It was like he finally found himself after he got lost along the way. And, my, you were so happy for him. You believed in him. But that little bird that you were trying to keep close to you was starting to learn how to fly.

What are you supposed to do now?

These emotions are confusing, aren't they?

Eventually your emotions were starting to feel heavy, as if they were subconsciously weighing your heart down. Not that it mattered, though. As long as you got to stay with him, right?

How confusing.

The least he’d do is give you a sloppy pat on the back before waving to you and scurrying off to some other football player. Probably his teammate, but who's really keeping track.

“Well, see ya later, ‘kay?” he’d say effortlessly, laughing with his teammates as he held his football close to him.

Your efforts will only go in vain.

Don’t get it wrong, he still shined, of course. Brighter than ever before, in fact. But it began to feel like that star was starting to fade away from your galaxy. And with each day, your feelings only began to stir up something more in your heart. Pain? Not necessarily. Just the dying feeling of seeing the one you held dearest to your heart not even recognise your feelings.

But good for him, isn’t it?

After all, he’s doing better now. It's evident. But your feelings are still locked up in your little heart. That’s no good. And yet, you can only smile back at Meguru anytime he casts that precious grin in your direction. 

You always loved the way he played football, so free and careless, almost like a dandelion, seeds blown against the summer wind. And you were just the grass that layed. But the breeze wasn’t so bad, was it?

It was almost as if you hadn’t talked to him as much as you two used to. He had so much ahead of him, so what did you expect? He had teammates now, people that understood him. More than you did? You’d hope not. It would hurt, wouldn’t it? You could tell from the way he always seemed to smell like sweat, from the way he always seemed to be dribbling the football out in the grass. It was different now. You weren’t against it, though. This is when he looked happiest. When the star was shining its brightest.

Quite confusing.

Meguru was like that. Would he ever realise your feelings for him? Maybe. But he never noticed the way you always seemed attracted to the glow in his eyes, the way you always paid attention when he laughed, the way your heart might have begun to hurt when he started drifting off into his own solar system. Atleast he was able to find what he wanted. Though a part of you wished that he wanted you. Perhaps you’ll one day be able to find what you want.

What will happen to those feelings?

Only time will tell. Love isn’t something to be shaken off so easily. I'm sure you’d know that. Perhaps if Meguru wasn’t someone so dear to you…

But he shines and it never ceases to amaze you. 

Aren’t you really just watching from the audience?

[starheirxero]

I JUST WATCHED THE TRIPLE LORE-

OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD.

I AM FLABBERGASTED- I AM SHOOKETH-

I AM CURRENTLY ACENDING INTO THE HEAVENS ABOVE-

I CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH I ADORE TRAGEDIES AND HEAVY ANGST- I LOVE, SEEING THE CHARACTERS FALL APART. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM LOSE THEMSELVES. I LOVE WATCHING, AS THEY LOOK INTO THE MIRROR, UNABLE TO REGOGNIZE THEMSELVES. I LOVE SEEING THEM LOSE THEIR MORALITY. I LOVE, SEEING CHARACTERS BREAK. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM SUFFER AND CHANGE THROUGH IT. EVERY DAMN STORY MADE UP IN MY HEAD TURNS INTO A TRAGEDY-

I AM ON MY KNEES- I AM BLESSED, MY HEART HAS BEEN TORN INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES-

THIS WAS SO CHILLING, IN SO MANY GREAT WAYS.

MOON HAS COMPLETELY LOST HIMSELF. THE CHILL THAT WENT DOWN MY SPINE!!

THE WAY HE JUST STOPPED, REALIZING THAT HE DOESN'T CARE, THAT HE LOST EVERY BIT OF CARE HE HAS FOR EARTH-

EVEN MORE SO??? HE BURNED HER. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SHOWING SIGNS OF PAIN, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE CRUMBLING.

RUIN WAS FINE. BLOODMOON KEPT SPOUTING AND CACKLING.

EARTH WAS THE ONLY ONE HURT. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE AFFECTED-

HER ENTIRE LEFT SIDE HURTS WITH EVERY MOVEMENT! This is so fucked up, oh god… OH GOD-

Moon's entire existence revolved around his family, and now? He almost killed his sister. He didn't even care. Quite literally just told her "Oh well"!

Even though he aimed to kill Bloodmoon, she's the injured one… God, I can't even describe, how much this fucks me up…

To be honest? A part of me wants these burns to be permanent. A consequence and reminder of Moon's action. A physical reminder, why he will never be forgiven, and him and Earth will never be close again.

And a part of me hopes, it turns Earth colder. That it becomes something, that changes her. After all, this was her brother. A person, she trusted dearly. And now? She sees him the same way as she does her father. Something that he acknowledged, but yelled at her for.

And now? He's occupying some place in space, though the question would be: how long? Last time someone floated in the void, Dark Sun swept him up and put something devastating in his head.

AND OH GOD, BLOODMOON'S DEAD- HE WAS DISINTEGRATED ATOM BY ATOM-

EVEN WORSE?? I THINK, HE WANTED THIS. HE KEPT TELLING THEM TO DO IT, MOCKING THEM, PROVOCATING. MAYBE HE WANTED THEM TO KILL HIM, SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS BROTHER AGAIN. MAYBE, LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING WITHOUT A WEIGHT AND VOICE INSIDE HIS HEAD-

There were in general so many things that were said about the twins, about the way they work. Ruin never created them with bloodlust. It was never part of their programming to begin with.

Did their old selves have it at all? Was it so deep in their code, that it was invisible to anyone else? Or was their something else driving them this entire time?

And what made the new version so bloodthirsty? Was it simple enjoyment? Was it their memories?

Speaking of which- RUIN IS FUCKING BACK- HE IS A FREE MAN ONCE MORE!!!

I am so damn excited what his journey will lead to- He's such a fascinating character!!

You've already pointed it out, but the way he tried to comfort Earth is so interesting! It seems that Eclipses flock to her, in some way!

And of course, Puppet. Oh god, Puppet. They used up all their magic, to the point of a breakdown…

All of this seems so convenient. All of this feels odd, as pointed out by Ruin and Puppet both.

Could this all be part of Dark Sun's scheme?

Furthermore, could he be the reason, Moon snapped? Could he have planned it?

There's so many questions rotating in my brain!!

I am sticking with it as my favorite arc-

-Stardust

YEHAYSUAYHAHAYAYAYA!!!!!!! I'M A FEW DAYS LATE TO THIS SO NOW THERE'S EVEN MORE TRAGEDY NOT MENTIONED IN UR ASK BUT [SHAKES YOU] ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!

there is SO MANY LEVELS OF WILDLY FASCINATING AND HEARTBREAKING BEING PRESENTED HEREEEE!!!!!! EVERYTHING'S IN SHAMBLES. EVERYONE'S HURT TO SOME DEGREE. THINGS JUST KEEP TUMBLING MORE AND MORE DOWNHILL AND IM SO EUWBSIHAHAHAAAAAAA IM SO YAY YAY YAY YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!

YYEHSYEGS MOON BURNED EARTG!!!!! I'M STILL NOT OVER THAT. HE HURT HER THE WORST!!! AND YEHSYEYYSS GHOOOODDD I KNOW THEY PROBABKLY WON'T WORK IT INTI THE MODEL BUT EARTH WITH BURN SCARS FOREVER AFTERWARDS PLEEEEAASSSSEEEEEEE

AND MOON NOW YEAH. THAT'S SO WILD TO ME HE JUST GOT STRAIGHT UP BANISHED. AND UR PREDICTION WAS SPOT ON DARK SUN IMMEDIATELY GIT HIS HANDS IN HIM..... TOOK SOMETHING OUT TOO IM SO AHSJSBDJSN

AND GHOD YEAH BLOOSMOON IS JUST. DEAD NOW. FOR REALS. It all happened so fast I can't EVENNN. HONESTLY I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING THO, HE SEEMED DESPERATE FOR A FIGHT, TO BE KILLED. I 100% also attributed it to him not knowing how to function with his twin and just deciding to go full recklessness. AND WHAT RUIN DROPPED ABT HIS CODE OMS YEAH.

I won't lie it's both kind of hilarious 2 me to me that Bloodmoon 2.0 just decided that being a murderer is fun as shit, but also kind of a relief bc it explains a LOT. Or, well, like. One detail but STILL SKABDJDM

The way I heard it, Ruin was basically going "yea the og had the kill code but I couldn't get my hands on that, so I just did the next best thing, but it's entirely up to them to actually obey it." yk?? Which!!! Is a solid explanation for why OG Bloodmoon expressed frustration with his code before he died, but why Bloodmoon 2.0 had no issues with it. because they were doing that shit for funsies HEJHAJDHS

AND RUIN AND PUPPET YAYAYAYYA I'm so wildly fascinated by their short interaction + I am so intrigued to see what'll happen to them!!!! Dark Sun's involvement in everything has me terribly fascinated and I can't wait to see every thread he may or may not be pulling. its justqhaAHSJAHSJ ITS ALL SO EXCITINGGGG WEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[questiontocertaintyofreality]

Theory: Sigma's Identity is Lev Tolstoi

Decay of the Angels is a organization, equivalent of Russian literature in Bsd. There is something in the subtext that has been puzzling me since the first moment I saw Fyodor and Nikolai together.

Where is Lev Tolstoi in the BSD universe?

I thought for the first tims hat he would not be on the same side as Fyodor and Nikolai because of differences in philosophy and ideas, or that he would start on the same side and leave, etc. I was thinking about it, but Tolstoy did not appear in the story. So of coudse theory came to my mind.

Sigma, who is we don't know he's full identity" is actually Lev Tolstoi

I will explain everything in detail and at the end of these short paragraphs you will understand the logic of the theory. Now, I saw an idea at @bungoustraydogs-tr was written in just one sentence:

Sigma might be represent one of the building blocks of Russian literature, Gorky or Tolstoy.

is it possible ?

I think: (Drum voices)

He could be

Let's dive to the point. With his own words and writing, Lev Tolstoi is constantly searching for something that can be called internal and tries to understand his own self, why he is alive, what is being a god etc. He explains that he is trying to understand. He thinks day and night to prove to himself how the value of life is determined and the existence of the God he actually believes in. He is similar to Sigma, who does not remember his memories, does not actually have a sense of self, and therefore tries to understand the world he thinks he lives in. Tolstoy's sense of self was also undeveloped. At the same time, Sigma existed in the middle of nowhere, meaning he had no choice but to seek values, vitality, and purpose. He thought he had to follow the path given to him. To follow the path promised to him. Rules made by destiny , well, sound familiar to someone also to someone's characters . Tolstoi

At the same time;

"The view that knowledge acquired through reason leads to error helped me to save myself from the wrong path of indulging in unproductive thoughts. The certainty that knowledge of truth can only be found through life called me to doubt the correctness of my life. Despite everything, I was looking for God, I was hoping to find Him, and I was directing a prayer to the God I was looking for and couldn't find, as was the old custom. Sometimes I was weighing and measuring Kant's and Schopenhauer's facts about the unprovability of God's existence in my mind, and sometimes I was trying to refute these facts."

These are the sentences coming from Lev Tolstoi's own mouth.

Second thought for the theory;

When Sigma was born in the middle of nowhere, he had a ticket for a train that wasn't in the desert.Simple. Anna Karenina. Anna Karenina is a book that begins with children playing with trains, and the train has an importance that cannot be hidden in terms of the plot. Even though I haven't personally read it, I researched that trains were important to the book.

Second thought for theory;

When Sigma was born in the middle of nowhere, he had a ticket to take a train that wasn't in the desert. Simple. Anna Karenina. Anna Karenina is a book that begins with children playing with trains, and the train has an importance that cannot be hidden in terms of the plot. Although I haven't personally read it, I researched that trains were important to the book.

Thirdly, while thinking about religion and morality, Tolstoy, like most people, thought that the world in which a religious person lives was not the most important fact. He had no ambition, but he took good care of himself because he valued life. Sigma voided a gamble at Sky Casino, giving its customer a second chance. Sky Casino was life for Sigma and he nullified one of the game his customer play so Sigma think games aren't important as his customers views. In fact, the search for talent emerged in parallel with acquiring knowledge.

I can believe Asagiri doesn't want t add Tolstoy but after all the authors reveal in story.... Also Sigma isn't count as a villiain after all and Lev Tolstoi really want to see himself as a better person, this is kinda a obsession to him. So, this theory might make sense

[honeyynymphh]

Wip Wednesday

tagged by @sucharide years ago

this is from a new story (one of many) that is very nearly finished. having so much trouble finishing things lately so I’m hoping by posting this into the void I shall be motivated to complete it!

it’s just the beginning so there are no real warnings but it is a little nsfw

Cardinal Copia x FemReader

summary: you’re an abbey maid that has the unfortunate pleasure of having to clean the most infuriating cardinal’s office and personal chambers.

You stare at the books in front of you and sigh, the wooden ladder you stand on groaning a little with the movement. Fuck, how you hated having to clean this damn shelf—well, shelf didn’t really cover it, it was an entire wall full of books and a few odd curiosities. Honestly, cleaning this entire office was exhausting. It took up most of your day, and then you had to move on to the inhabitants’ personal chambers. No wonder nobody else wanted to do it.

All those months ago when Sister Imperator had given out the timetables you’d been ecstatic to see you had fewer rooms to clean than the previous roster. The other maids had given you pitying looks but nobody had offered to swap with you, which you had dismissed as odd. How bad could one person be? You understood why now. It was because this room had to be cleaned thoroughly or you ended up back here, dusting and wiping while the owner of the room sneered out unhelpful and downright rude commentary on your methods.

But you were not going to be cowed by that uptight ass. You didn’t care if Cardinal Copia was nearly as high up as Sister Imperator or the Papas. If the man wanted his study and chambers to be cleaned, he would, at the very least, give you some respect. You were the only one who didn’t find him weirdly offputting—though he very much was that—but cleaning his office and chambers was much more pleasant than having to clean up the Great Hall after one of their decadent feasts or having to clean the rooms of the Papas. You never knew what would be in store for you whenever you entered a space that Papa Terzo had just vacated. And once you were done, it meant you had more free time. It was worth it, especially now that you’d grown used to the Cardinal and his acerbic tongue.

Cardinal Copia was exacting and his manners were non-existent but at least he was predictable. And he rarely made any mess—he certainly didn’t leave cream splattered on the ceiling. At least, you think it had been cream…Papa Terzo had mentioned something about cream pies.

Your eyes focus back on the books in front of you, most are all leather bound and organised neatly. Some have titles in golden lettering along the spines but so few of them are in English. You are nearly finished tidying them back up after having dusted and your eyes scan over them. The Cardinal had such a strange collection of books, and while many you could never read, some had intriguing diagrams and little illustrations in them. As someone not part of the church, just a maid, it was fascinating perusing through the strange old texts. You were sure the one you had leafed through last week had been about summoning actual demons.

One book catches your eye, it’s bound in deep red leather and the spine is decorated in gold embellishments. Your fingers run along the bumps and dips of the spine before you slip it out from the shelf and flip it open at random, your hip pressing against the top of the ladder as you balance yourself. Your eyes widen as you take in the illustration before you. It is…obscene! A woman on her knees in prayer, yet she is naked and bound. And her open mouth is not waiting for the communion wafer but for the cock of the priest standing before her, the rest of the congregation looking on without a care.

You flip to another page. This time, a woman stands upon a small plinth—a rope hangs from the ceiling and suspends her tied hands high above her head. A man stands next to her, ready to strike her bare ass with a wicked-looking birch rod. But there is also another man, on his knees before the other, his mouth clearly wrapped around the other’s cock—his own hard and leaking.

“Intrigued, Signorina?”

[nomsfaultau]

Long and kinda dumb questions lol, sorry if you already answered them before

What’s the survivability rate if a reader ever got sucked into the Fault Universe? Considering F!Philza had that meta moment of seeing the reader’s eye so he might recognise the reader’s presence(?), along with the void more than ready to devour anything from the real world, etc. How many seconds would a reader survive before dying?

What would happen if you put an Everything Bagel (like in EEAAO) into the void?

depends where you drop. If it’s inside the Foundation, they’d probably do some testing and figure you’re human and were just caught in the effects of an unknown anomaly. That is, sorta assuming you don’t register as an incomprehensible eldritch being akin to a 3D object showing up in Flatland due to being a full person instead of a character. I think potentially you can see the words woven into all characters and objects and setting. But the characters are made to act like people and it’s not like they’d know hey you actually have an independent and vibrant inner world whereas they only exist in their actions, so I figure you’d still register as human. As long as you reveal know knowledge of what’s happening or the story at large, best case scenario they amnestize and catch and release you. Now they will also try to recruit you, since a good chunk of their recruitment is people who witnessed anomalous events. But if you’re adamant but not suspicious you can walk out a very confused but free man. Past that just avoid Indiana/Illinois and you’re golden. A reader could survive Fault an entire lifetime with no/little impact from the plot. Potentially could run into a random anomaly, but like due to it being a story it may be that those don’t exist outside of one’s directly introduced in text. People might not exist unless mentioned, or may only be cardboard cutouts with decreasing resemblance to independent functional humans the further you get from characters that have agency in the plot.

……..at which point it’s a good question to ask things like, do places exist if the POV characters haven’t been to them? Is there a line scratched across the world from their journey, the rest of existence lost in a fog of war style? Or is it only in islands of when a scene occurred? Does the world only render around where a scene is currently happening, vanishing the moment the main characters move on? What happens if the world around you stops existing and you’re left there, the only thing real in a sea of words. Do you starve if left in a void? Or did eating ever serve you to begin with, each bite tasting like ink? Does your body need air? Can you even breathe in a story or is it only sentences and syllables pretending to be air? What is pain if only a description? Perhaps you’re the only one that can even die in a story, the rest never alive to begin with, revived every time someone starts at the first page.

haha anyways Phil would not recognize the reader since you’re not the reader anymore, absorbing his inner thoughts and consuming his story. Also not very very cosmically big anymore, more people sized. I suppose if you explain what’s happening to Phil he’s very offput, but mostly because he wouldn’t believe you. And if he did his existential crisis would be so strong that he turns into a little pile of letters since his body is defined by his internal perception. Oops. Buh bye Philza!

And if you run into the void they just will eat you no matter what. Wilbur won’t be able to stop it or even have time to react. You’re like…a five star Michelin meal after eating pictures of food ones entire life. Just an absolute snacc. So if the world doesn’t exist around the main characters and the moment you’re close the void eats you, you die immediately!

As for the Everything Bagel, the entire universe of the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once would be devoured. Shame. I hear it was a great movie

[archiveikemen]

Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 24 (Blind Love)

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

Liam caught the arm that was slowly losing the strength to raise his fist.

Liam: … There’s a secret I’ve been keeping from you for a very long time.

As they faced each other, Liam’s eyes that had never once shaken, trembled and he looked lost.

It was like he was trying to open a pandora’s box that had been sealed for a long time.

(... Liam?)

Liam: I…

Liam: I’m not your biological son.

(...!)

Max: W-What nonsense. There is no way—!

Liam: Mother was pregnant with me before she married you. My face looks exactly like my biological father’s.

Liam told the story of his birth.

His mother, Karen, was once deeply in love with a man.

However, he left her without as much as a second thought.

— It was only after she had been abandoned, she found out that she was pregnant with his child.

She then married Max while keeping her pregnancy a secret, and gave birth to Liam as his son.

Max: … Then why did Karen treat you as if you were non-existent?

Liam: Because my face reminded her of the man she once loved.

(So that means Liam and Max are unrelated?)

Removing the part about them being “blood related”, what was left was only their tragic past.

(In that case…)

Max: Then why did you willingly accept the abuse from someone unrelated to you by blood…!

(Abuse…)

A parent that had been disguising his deeds as “education” was so furious that he admitted that he was abusive.

Seeing his weak and selfish behaviour caused a dark feeling of rage to build up inside me at the pit of my stomach.

And yet, it was not my place to yell at or hit him.

(Because Liam isn’t angry at him.)

Liam was neither angry nor sad — he let out a laugh.

Liam: It was because… as a child, I loved you.

Liam: And I wanted someone… no, I wanted you to love me.

Liam allowed himself to be abused, simply because he wanted Max to love him. He smiled.

Hidden behind that smile was a painful past that could never be erased.

Max: I…

Max: Where… where on earth did I go wrong…?

Max: What mistakes did I make… what did I lack? What, what…?!

Max approached Liam in a state of panic, resembling a child throwing a tantrum.

And as if something snapped in him, he suddenly fell silent.

(...?)

His face was completely void of any emotions, willpower, and humanity.

Max: … Kill me.

Max: … I want you to kill me.

(... What?)

(...)

(What did he just say?)

Max: … I… I no longer have any reason to resent you. I no longer have a reason to stay alive.

I couldn't believe what I had heard.

(Is he asking Liam to kill him?)

(After all the pain and suffering he has caused him, now…)

My anger grew unbearable, my body was trembling with rage.

Kate: … You… are you trying to add on to Liam’s burdens…?

Liam: … Kate.

Kate: It’s true that Liam broke the form of your family. It’s also true that he killed people.

Kate: But what sins did Liam, as a newborn child, commit…?

(You’re not the only one.)

– Flashback Start –

Marie: … Why did he have to die and you’re still alive?

Marie: If it wasn’t for you back then, everything… everything would’ve been…!

…

(That person too.)

Liam: … That means, it’s my fault this happened to Kate?

Young Man with Piercings: Yes, that’s right. All of this, everything, is your fault. If it weren't for you…!

…

(Many, many, many other people too.)

— You are a sinner. Admit to your sins and wish for your own demise.

– Flashback End –

Liam: … Thank you for getting upset on my behalf, Kate. But it’s fine.

Kate: No, it’s not! I don’t want the guilt and burden you're carrying to get any bigger.

My eyes met with his rose coloured eyes.

The moment our eyes met, that was when it hit me.

(... Oh, I see it now.)

(Liam knew from the very beginning that something like this would happen.)

Max being deceived by a ruffian, his non-biological son telling him the truth, and choosing death in the end.

And the one to punish him for his sins was — himself.

Liam: But still, someone has to do this. That someone will be me.

— I wanted to stop Liam from killing his family member.

My heart was screaming at me to go stop him, but I knew that I didn't have the right to.

(This is a decision Liam made for himself.)

Liam took one of the daggers hanging from his belt and unsheathed it.

Even with the dagger pointing at his chest, Max didn’t flinch. He merely kept on starting emotionlessly at Liam.

(I can’t bring myself to watch. But…)

(I can’t look away.)

Liam: Father.

Max: …

Liam called out to him affectionately, like they had returned to their past.

Liam: Although we’re not biologically father and son, we’re still very alike.

Liam: We both chased after love that we never obtained…

Liam: It’s truly… miserable, stupid, and pitiful, don't you think?

Max: …

Liam forced a smile and took a deep breath.

Liam: — Goodbye, Father. Rest in peace.

He thrust the dagger right into Max’s heart.

Max instantly stopped breathing.

Liam was soaked by the dark red blood gushing out of the stab wound.

(...)

(Why?)

(Why is this world so cruel to Liam?)

For the rest of his life, he would be haunted by the painful memories of his past and this very moment.

(... There’s nothing I can do for him.)

There was no way I could get rid of his sorrows once and for all.

I couldn't erase his past that made him wish he were dead.

(But still…)

— I wanted to share his pain.

— I wanted to share the burden of his sins.

As I was on the verge of tears, a pitch darkness rose inside of me from my feet up.

That darkness spoke to me.

— You still have the chance to return to your original life, it’d be as if none of this ever happened.

— If you stay by this man’s side any longer, your hands will be stained as well.

(Stain my hands…?)

Liam sat on the floor in silence, stunned by the sight of his bloodied hands.

He was hurting alone, bearing the weight of his sin.

(... I know now. I know what I can do for him.)

My legs trembled as I walked towards Liam.

The darkness fully consumed me.

(I’m scared. I feel as if I’m losing myself.)

(But I can’t leave him alone.)

I approached Max, who laid bleeding out on the floor. I wrapped my hands around the dagger in his chest.

(...)

With trembling hands, I thrust the dagger deeper into his heart.

Liam: … Kate…?

Liam: … What are you doing?!

Ignoring his attempts to stop me, I thrust the dagger even deeper.

My hands were dyed the same colour as Liam’s.

Liam: Ah… ah…

Liam kept wiping my hands with his shirt, trying to clean the blood off them.

Liam: Kate… you did nothing wrong. I’m the evil one. I’m the one who did something wrong.

Liam: … You're not evil.

Liam: I don’t want you to dirty your hands. Therefore, therefore…

I wrapped my bloodied hands around his.

Liam: … Kate?

Kate: I have a part to play in this. Please allow me to share the burden of this sin.

Liam: … Wh… why?

Liam: Why?!

Kate: Because I don’t want to leave you alone. Can you forgive me for being selfish?

Liam: …

Liam: — Just how far are you willing to go for me?

We stayed still, holding each other's bloodied hands.

Silence, like a calm sea, hung between us.

Liam sighed, as if he had accepted my actions.

Liam: … Listen.

Liam: When I hurt others and myself, it’s because we’re human.

Liam: People fail, hurt others, get hurt, and then the cycle repeats. And yet, they still foolishly cling onto those who've caused them sufferings.

Liam: I wanted to die, but not alone. I wanted to be with someone, anyone… I wanted to be loved, even just a little.

Liam: But I eventually grew sick and tired of that way of life. It felt as if my life was slowly draining away.

Liam: Therefore, on the night I wanted to jump to my death, I thought to myself…

Liam: “Ahh, I can finally put an end to this”.

Liam: No more drowning in despair, no more begging to be loved. Everything, everything would end right there.

Liam: So I closed my eyes and spread my arms wide open, letting myself fall into the darkness of the night.

Liam blinked, and a single teardrop rolled down his cheek like the first snow on a silent night.

Liam: And the next moment, when I opened my eyes— there you were.

Kate: …

Liam: Why… why were you still right there before my eyes?

Liam: Why…

Liam: Why did you… save me…?

His crystal clear tears fell into the blood of bright red blood.

Instead of drying his tears, I pulled him into a tight embrace.

Liam: …— rry… — orry.

Liam: I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I'm sorry for being a failure, I’m sorry for not dying…

Liam: I… I want to live…

Liam: I’m sorry… for wanting to live in the end… I’m sorry…

Liam: Ue… ue… uwaaaaahhhh!

Liam continued sobbing uncontrollably, like those were the tears he had been holding in his whole life.

And so I held him tight, never letting go.

As if I were holding in my arms a star that was about to fade away.

As if I were anchoring this kind person to this cruel world.

…

The next day, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” took England by storm.

Word was getting around about how magnificent the play was, Liam’s outstanding performance, and the existence of “Golden Butterfly”.

William smiled as he looked at the newspaper and magazine articles.

The world will never be free from evil. That’s why Crown exists.

And on the day after “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” had it’s successful show, it had been exactly one month after I promised to be a fairytale writer.

…

The keys on the typewriter clicked and clacked with every movement of my fingers.

I wrote about all the memories I had made in the past month.

Those memories began from the day he first gave me a bouquet of modern roses.

– Flashback Start –

Liam: What do you think about observing only me for the next one month and writing about me in your report?

Kate: Write about you…?

Liam: That’s right. Not about Crown, but about me as a person. It’s because the finest stories are the ones with the best main character.

Liam: I’m confident that I can satisfy and charm you. I’ll shine even brighter just for you.

– Flashback End –

We had so many fun times together that were filled with joy — but the story didn't end there.

The person in front of me was charming, yet somewhat melancholic.

Right when I was about to type the final period, my hands stopped.

(I’ve always wanted my story to help others feel less afraid of what tomorrow would bring them.)

That sentiment grew stronger after meeting Liam, it never changed.

But before I could protect “anyone's” tomorrow, I failed to protect the tomorrow of the one person who was dearest to me.

(Therefore, I—)

Holding the incomplete report in my hand, I stood up from my desk and headed for Victor’s office where I could find what completed it.

…

Kate: — Well then, if you'll excuse me.

I closed the door behind me and stretched my arms, my shoulder joints making a popping noise.

(My shoulders are so tense. Perhaps I’m nervous, because that’s always the case whenever I have to make a decision…)

(I should go see Liam and talk to him about what he wants to do after this, and—)

Liam: Kate…!

Kate: Liam?

I couldn't hold in my laughter when I saw the very person I was thinking about.

Kate: Fufu, you surprised me there. I was just thinking about you—

Liam: *pant*, *pant*...

I was about to talk to him more, but I noticed something was unusual about him.

(This is the first time I’m seeing Liam this anxious. Did something happen…?)

Kate: W-What’s the matter? Is someone hurt? Or…

Liam: Kate… I don't… I don’t like…

(Huh—?)