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m1ckeyb3rry · 1 month

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Synopsis: Tabito Karasu has been in love with you for almost as long as he can remember. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like you have any intentions of reciprocating, considering you’ve only ever seen him as a child — and, more importantly, as your best friend’s little brother.

BLLK Masterlist | Part One | Otoya Version

Pairing: Karasu x Reader

Total Word Count: 41.6k

Content Warnings: reader is older than karasu (by like two years so it’s nbd but it exists), no blue lock au, bratty baby karasu, jealous karasu, slow burn, childhood friends, i have no idea how to write kids just deal w it, karasu’s older sister is given a name (look at that word count LMAO i’m not calling her ‘karasu’s older sister’ the entire time), reader gets drunk at one point, karasu the goat of pining, yukimiya and otoya mentions ⁉️

A/N: yes this is inspired by the song “best friend’s brother” from victorious but has barely anything to do with it. yes this is probably the longest karasu fic you will ever read as of its publishing date (word count is not a typo it fr is that long). yes reader and karasu are fuck ass little kids for half of the fic. i have nothing to say for myself except that i love karasu so much and i cannot be stopped…also tumblr is an opp so i had to split this into two parts EEK i’m sorry!!

Tokyo was exactly as you remembered it. Both of your parents had been raised there, and so you had visited frequently when you were younger. You had fond memories of staying there with both sets of your grandparents before they had all, in turn, decided to move to calmer parts of the country, places which were not as frenetic and vibrant as the capital. After they had left, your family had had little reason to go back, so it had been some years since you had last made the trip, but in a way this move was just another kind of homecoming, for the chaos of the massive city was as familiar to you as the peace of your neighborhood.

“Everyone here talks like your parents,” Yayoi told you, the first day you both were able to meet up after you had moved. Your classes had not yet begun, but you were both finally unpacked and oriented in your new lives, so you had taken advantage of the last bits of free time you might have for a while to see one another. “It’s kind of funny.”

“Right?” you said. You had never fully adopted the accent of your home region, for you had been raised by a family which still spoke as if they were in Tokyo, but regardless it was strange to hear people other than your parents speaking in that way without affectation.

“Sometimes I end up saying the wrong thing and confusing people, but they figure out pretty quickly that it’s just the dialect I speak with, and then they ask for clarification if needed,” she said. “So I haven’t run into any major miscommunication problems yet, thankfully.”

“That’s good,” you said. “Are you excited to start classes?”

“Well, excited isn't exactly the word I’d use for it,” she said wryly. “Even if I’m the one who chose the subject, it’s still going to be a lot of work.”

“A ton of it,” you said, making a face. “You’re lucky, though. Your term doesn’t start for another week.”

“Well, it also ends a week later, so that doesn’t mean anything,” she said, sipping on the last few drops of her coffee — which she always ordered black, not because she liked it that way but because she was trying to keep up appearances and whatnot. “What about you?”

“I think classes and all will be a good distraction. It’ll be nice to have something to keep myself busy,” you said.

“What do you need to be distracted from?” she said.

“Just homesickness and stuff. The typical things you’d expect,” you said. She hummed sympathetically.

“I get it,” she said. “I miss my parents like crazy sometimes, especially when I need help with random stuff. The other day, I had to video call my mother so she could explain how to clean a cast iron pan.”

“You could’ve looked that up,” you said.

“Yeah, but it was nicer to hear it from her,” she said.

“Yeah,” you echoed, because it was the same for you. You often found yourself calling your parents for no reason at all, asking them stupid questions just to listen to them talk. “I’m glad to be on my own, but I do miss my mother and father a lot.”

“Anyone else?” she said.

“What do you mean?” you said.

“Just wondering,” she said. “You know, come to think of it, you were kind of late coming to your seat. Freaked your parents out beyond belief. Any reason in particular?”

“I was just talking to Tabito,” you said. “Saying bye and all.”

“Are you going to miss him?” she prodded.

“Obviously. At this point, he’s like my brother, too. Isn’t it natural to miss your siblings?” you said.

“I don’t,” she said, though she immediately burst into laughter, which somewhat contradicted the statement.

“You’re horrible,” you said. “I know you do.”

“I do,” she affirmed. “But I think it’s in a different way than you do. It’s odd, because I’m the one who’s actually related to him, but the truth is that you two have always been closer than he and I ever were.”

“Probably because I’m not a jerk like you are,” you said.

“How can you consider yourself his additional older sister when you’re so nice to him? You need to bully him a bit more to earn that distinction,” she said.

“He hears enough of it out of you,” you said.

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that,” she said, holding up her paper cup and raising it to her lips, though you knew it was empty by now. You clinked your own against hers and finished the last remnants of your drink in one gulp. “You know, Y/N, I think you’re irreplaceable at this point.”

“You, too,” you said. “I’ll never be friends with anyone the way I am with you.”

“Fuck whoever we meet in college,” she said, nodding in approval. “I’m sure they’ll be cool and all, but the two of us, we hardly even count as friends anymore. It’s like we’re something more.”

“Exactly,” you said. “I can have a million more best friends, and likely I will, but never again will I have another Yayoi Karasu.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she said.

“I wouldn’t dare,” you said. “Not for a moment.”

Your first year of college flew past in the blink of an eye. On the whole, you preferred it to high school, even though there were aspects of the past you still held dear, seeped with nostalgia as they were. You made new friends, as did Yayoi, but just like you both had predicted, none of them measured up to each other. Still, it was fun to meet people from all different regions in the country and to hear about their lives. Some of your classmates weren’t even from Japan at all, and there was another layer of fascination there, learning about the ways of other nations, the cultures and foods they were accustomed to, and teaching them about your own in exchange.

Your mid term breaks were a bit shorter than Yayoi’s, which meant you weren’t ever able to justify visiting home, but in return, you had much longer in between years, so while Yayoi was still stressing over her finals, you were already taking the train back to the station by your house, texting your parents all the while.

In your absence, your childhood room had remained untouched, the stuffed animals arranged on your bed in the exact order you preferred, the books still stacked on the shelves, your artwork and photos of you with your friends hanging on the walls where you had put them. Time felt frozen, and it was as if you had never left, as if your entire year in Tokyo had been a dream and this had always been the reality.

After eating dinner with your parents, you showered and changed into one of your father’s old shirts and a pair of sweatpants, flopping face-first onto your bed and taking a deep breath, already feeling yourself nodding off despite the fact that it wasn’t that late. Traveling always exhausted you, however, and it was all you could do to turn your lights off and crawl under the covers, plugging your phone in to charge as you drifted off.

Right when you were about to fall asleep for good, your phone’s screen blazed to life, startling you awake as it vibrated urgently. Groaning and cursing whoever was calling you, you glared at the device until you realized exactly who it was, and then your unhappiness was promptly replaced with glee as you clicked on the green answer button.

“Tabito!” you said. Although you had texted with him every now and then, you were ashamed to admit that you hadn’t spoken to him as much as you should’ve. You reasoned that he had had equal opportunity to reach out first and hadn’t, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was a feeble excuse that was only meant to deflect the blame from yourself and nothing more.

“Y/N,” he said. His voice was deeper than you remembered, and more resonant, too, lilting with a husky, full-bodied musicality that hadn’t been there when you had left. “Hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassured him. “What’s up?”

“Do you remember — sorry, this is really stupid, so don’t feel bad for saying no,” he said.

“It’s okay. I’ve definitely seen you do way stupider things,” you said. He chuckled.

“You’re probably right. Here goes, then. Um, do you remember when you went to my first soccer game in middle school, and afterwards, we agreed you wouldn’t come to another until I was the captain of a really good high school team?” he said.

“I think so, why?” you said. A second later, it hit you, and you gasped, beaming so widely that your face ached. “No way! For Bambi Osaka? Since when?”

“Yup, for Bambi Osaka. The old captain just graduated, and he named me as his replacement today, so, uh, since today, I guess,” he said.

“I wish you would’ve told me in person so you could see how much I’m smiling right now,” you said. “Congratulations, Tabito! You can’t begin to know how proud I am of you.”

“Thanks,” he said. “Anyways, our first game is this Thursday, so…”

“Huh? Did you want me to come?” you said. “Yayoi won’t be back from Tokyo by then, though. Shouldn’t I wait for her?”

“If you’d prefer that,” he said. “Or, I mean, you don’t have to go at all. I was just offering in case you were interested, but no hard feelings if not.”

Since when had he been so awkward with you? Since when had he stumbled over his words and been so unsure? You frowned at the mere chance that there was more than a physical distance between the two of you, even if it probably was the case, despite how much you had never wanted such an event to occur.

“As long as you want me, I’ll be there. I don’t have much else to do anyways, right? And how could I miss your first game as captain? Let me know where and when, and I’ll definitely come,” you said. He exhaled softly.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I want you there. I’ll let you know the details, but like I said, no pressure. Don’t force yourself. Come if you can.”

It was springtime, and the world was still remembering how to come alive, peeking out its head from the den of winter and blinking its sleepy eyes against the sun. There were not any flowers in bloom quite yet, but as far as the eye could see were buds on the precipice of rupturing, the pale undersides of their petals mere imitations of the hues they’d soon display proudly. The birds still warmed eggs in nests made of twigs and twine, but already there were cracks in a few of the creamy shells; here and there, even, little yellow beaks could be seen reaching towards the sky and chittering incessant demands at their parents.

You were lazy as you pedaled your bike down the side streets leading towards the field where the match was being held. It was an away game, technically, but this worked out better for you, as the high school they were playing at was closer to your house than the Bambi Osaka stadium, which was far enough that you would’ve needed to take a taxi.

According to Tabito, the game was actually more of a scrimmage, as they were playing a local school’s soccer club instead of another organization’s youth team, as they did in serious matches. Apparently, this was by design, as it gave their coach the opportunity to test Tabito's skills at being a captain in a low-stakes, low-pressure environment. If he proved himself incapable, the coach would override the previous captain’s pick and name another member of the team to the position, but if he played as well as he always did, and managed to coordinate the rest of the players in a satisfactory manner, then he’d be given the position permanently.

You had reminded him that this meant he technically wasn’t the captain yet, but to this he had said that he had the title and the armband, and if anything, since that was the situation, he needed you there more than ever. After all, he had explained, you had been in the audience when he had scored the winning goal in his first game for his middle school’s team. You were good luck for him. If you were in the crowd, then there was no way he could lose.

Parking your bike in the lot alongside the others, you locked it and then made your way towards the entrance to the stadium, the ticket Tabito had sent you in between your index and middle fingers. Even though there wouldn’t be very many people attending this game, it was Bambi Osaka’s policy to require tickets for entry to any of their matches, and the price if you weren’t associated with a player was, you heard, quite hefty.

You sat by yourself in the stands, your purse beside you and your legs crossed at the ankles. You couldn’t explain why, but there was a doubt in the back of your mind about whether you even belonged in the audience at all. Without Yayoi at your side, it felt like there was a neon sign in the air pointing at you and declaring you inept and unwelcome. Everyone else was buzzing with theories and predictions for the upcoming game, tossing out the names of the players and their opinions on them, but you were by yourself, without even a drink to warm your hands.

The gray of that isolation evaporated the moment that the Bambi Osaka boys took to the field, led by none other than Tabito. You were suddenly reminded that you weren’t just allowed to be there — you were wanted, genuinely wanted, and so you had as much if not more of a claim to your seat than anyone else could. Tabito had invited you. He could’ve invited anyone else in the entire city, but still he had invited you, and you would not tarnish that by thinking you were alone when he was there, as he always was.

As was to be expected, there was a complete difference to the way Tabito played when compared to that very first game of his which you had watched. For one, he was at the front of the field instead of in the middle, and there was an impertinence to the way he shook the hand of the opposing captain, an audacious smirk on his face which was visible even from the distance. This was a side of Tabito you weren’t so acquainted with, a side which was brazen and self-assured and stood as if he had already won before the referee even blew the whistle to begin.

The game moved faster than you could keep up with, and without Yayoi there to give you a play-by-play, you found yourself utterly lost about the finer details of the match. Still, even you could tell that Bambi Osaka was in the lead, and by no small margin — largely in part thanks to the combined skills of Tabito and a slender, pale-haired boy whose jersey read Hiori.

When Tabito was younger, there had been a desperate, vicious quality to his soccer, as if he really might die should he lose. It was in direct contrast to now, where he toyed with the opposite team in much the same way a cat would toy with a ball of yarn — with a distinct sense of superiority, like he was looking down on them even as he forced his way past, not giving them any other choice but to watch as he drove his way down the field.

“Is number 10 the new captain?” a boy behind you said. He sounded younger; maybe he had an older brother on one of the teams, or maybe he was just that supportive of Bambi Osaka. You didn’t turn, but you did tune into the conversation, wondering what they’d say about Tabito.

“Karasu? Yes, he is,” a slightly older boy said. “My brother said he’s a real asshole, but he’s a great guy when it counts. They’re all happy he’s the one who was recommended for the spot.”

“He’s so good,” the younger boy said. “And Hiori, as well. They’re both amazing.”

“Hiori’s only a first year, too. I bet he’s going to go far,” the older boy said. “Now shush, quit distracting me. I’m trying to watch the game.”

To no one’s surprise, Bambi Osaka won by a ridiculous amount of goals, and as Tabito shook hands with the school’s captain again, you noticed their coach nodding in approval, annotating something on his clipboard with a satisfied smile on his face. You waited until all of them had vanished into the locker rooms to head to the exit and wait by your bike for Tabito to join you.

About twenty minutes later, he and the rest of the team trickled out, discussing their game and the plans for the next one. At first it seemed like he had not noticed you, absorbed in conversation as he was, but it quickly became evident that he had, for he skillfully guided the others towards where you stood, never faltering in words nor steps until he reached you. Then he paused, schooling his expression into one of shock, his eyebrows raising and his lips parting as if he had happened upon you entirely by accident. It was an amusing bit of theatrics, albeit realistic to anyone who did not know his mannerisms as well as you did.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, all composed and airy and dispassionate, as if it were mere coincidence that the two of you had met at that moment, as if it hardly mattered to him that you were there. It might’ve fooled another person, but not once in his life had he been able to fool you, and he certainly wouldn’t start today.

He must’ve showered in the locker rooms, for his hair fell loose and silky around his face instead of styled back as it typically was, and when you hugged him — which was met a reflexive return of his arms around your body before he could even manage to yelp in surprise — you could smell the faint, pleasant scent of his soap which still clung to his skin.

“Hi,” you said, holding onto him for as long as you deemed publicly appropriate before wriggling free and smiling at him. “I think you did good. Without Yayoi, I couldn’t be sure, but to me you looked great.”

“Eh,” he said. “Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been better. But thanks.”

“Woah, Karasu,” one of his teammates said. He was a tall and burly player who reminded you vaguely of Aoyama, and he accompanied the exclamation by wrapping one arm around Tabito in a friendly headlock and using his free hand to ruffle the boy’s damp hair, leaving him to resemble a sea urchin. “You didn’t tell us you had such a beautiful girlfriend! Hello, ma’am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Get off of me,” Tabito wheezed, slapping his teammate away. “You fuckface, I’m going to kill you. Don’t try to shake her hand!”

“I’m not his girlfriend,” you said, accepting his teammate’s proffered hand. “Just best friends with his older sister. You can think of me as a stand-in for her while she’s finishing up her first year in Tokyo. My name’s Y/N, by the way.”

“Ah, you’re that Y/N!” he said.

“I believe I am? What does that mean?” you said.

“Nothing bad,” Tabito cut in. “Yayoi’s come to a few games and mentioned you, so everyone’s been wanting to meet you.”

“It’s true. I mean, a girl who refused to come to a game until and unless Karasu was made captain? We all thought you must be something intense,” his teammate said. “You seem pretty normal, though. And also super hot, if you don’t mind me mentioning.”

“Well, he’s the one who told me not to come, so if anyone’s intense, it’s him,” you said. “And, uh, thanks? I guess?”

“I mind you mentioning, so shut the hell up,” Tabito said, finally breaking free of his teammate’s hold and shoving him away from you. “Sorry about this one, Y/N. He’s incorrigible.”

His teammate laughed raucously. “My fault, my fault. Sorry, Karasu.”

“Say sorry to her,” Tabito said. “She’s the one you were bothering.”

“It’s alright,” you assured him. “Really, I don’t mind the compliment. Even if it could’ve been phrased better.”

“Anything for you, gorgeous lady,” his teammate said with a wink. “But, ah, considering I value my life and limbs, I think I’m going to head out now, as our new captain seems about a few seconds away from murdering me. See you around!”

He ran away to rejoin the rest of the Bambi Osaka boys as they all headed in their separate directions towards their homes, leaving you and Tabito alone once more. As soon as they were all gone, he sighed, that put-upon countenance he had maintained for the entirety of the conversation falling apart in an instant.

“I didn’t think he’d say all of that,” he said. “Sorry again.”

“You worry so much,” you said. “Come on, you just won another match, didn’t you? That’s cause to celebrate, so don’t look so tired and mopey.”

“I don’t look tired and mopey!” he defended. “This is just how my face is!”

“Uh-huh, sure,” you said, unlocking your bike and beginning to walk it beside you so you could keep talking to him. “I seem to remember your face being quite a bit rounder and sunnier. Now you’re all angles and doom and gloom.”

“That’s not something I can help,” he said, taking your bike from you so he could walk it instead. “Y/N, you’re being mean. I haven’t seen you in so long and now you’re acting like Yayoi.”

“You think I’m acting like Yayoi? I’m hurt,” you said. “Okay, then, you sensitive captain. How about we go get ice cream? My treat, since you got the position and all.”

“Okay,” he said. “But it’ll be my treat, not yours, because you came to my game and stayed the whole time. It was your good luck that helped me in the end.”

“Offering to pay for me? I suppose I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, so I’ll allow it this time. Anyways, I would’ve had to, because I just realized I left my wallet at home,” you said.

“Almost like you did that on purpose,” he mused, bumping your shoulder with his. “Was that your plan all along? Suggesting we get ice cream but forgetting to bring any money, so I had to cover for us both?”

“I see why your team members think you’re an asshole,” you said. “It’s a surprise, to be sure, but then again, maybe I should’ve seen it coming.”

“Who’s calling me an asshole?” he said. “How did you know that? I’m not! Whoever it is, they were making things up, because I’m — I’m super nice! Seriously, where did you hear that? Stop giggling and answer me!”

You extended your arm to run your fingers through his mussed up hair, smoothing it down as best as you could. “A magician never tells her secrets. Don’t worry about it and just tell me which flavor you’re getting.”

“The same as always, why?” he said.

“I want to decide whether I should steal some of it or not,” you said.

“You don’t have to steal it. I’ll share if you want some,” he said.

“It’s better if I’m doing something wrong. I think it adds to the flavor, or enhances it, or something,” you said. He considered this before nodding with the utmost of gravity.

“If that’s how it is, then you’re absolutely not allowed to even look at my ice cream. I’ll be, uh, super mad if you do,” he said, his glare so fearsome and dark that it skipped the realms of intimidation and landed squarely in the land of comedy.

“You’re the best,” you said.

“I do what I can,” he said. “Will you let me have some of yours?”

“Hm,” you said. “Fine, but only because I love you so much.”

He fought back a smile at that, staring directly ahead, the tendons of his hands flexing on the handlebars of your bike as you continued to walk along the empty sidewalk, the glowing sun in the distance a reminder of the many days exactly like this which you still had left to spend.

The break flew by so quickly it was almost more of a punishment than anything. About as soon as you had gotten settled back into a rhythm of spending your days with the Karasus and your evenings with your parents, it was time for you and Yayoi to return to Tokyo for your second year of college, as well as for Tabito to enter his final year of high school.

You took for granted that you would be back as soon as the first term ended, so when you boarded the train to Tokyo, you didn’t take the time to properly appreciate the place where you had grown up. The city where you had whiled away your idyllic childhood…you had considered it a guarantee that you’d return soon, so why would you linger? But a couple of weeks into your first term, you got news from your parents: your father’s job had, almost out of the blue, transferred him, and so they would be moving to nearby Kawasaki by the end of the month.

There was definitely a pro to having your parents at that distance — they were close enough that you could visit them whenever you wanted to, but far enough that you could justify not going if you were so inclined, and removed enough that your life still belonged to you and only you. Still, it was a little like having a rug pulled out from under you when you weren’t even aware you were standing on a rug in the first place; especially because you could not so much as help in the moving process, given that you were stuck at school and could make no excuse to go back home for such a long time.

The house they found in Kawasaki was in a good area, and though it was smaller than your old one, it was still airy and bright, with large windows and wooden floors and enough bedrooms that you could still have your own despite not living there full-time anymore. Your parents were actually glad for the reduced size, for it meant less emptiness, less cleaning to be done in places that never even got used or looked at.

When you went to visit during the first term break, it seemed like they really were happy there. Or perhaps they were just trying to convince you that this was for the best, that you should not be sad, but if that was so, then they shouldn’t have bothered. You were the one who had left first, who had gone to Tokyo to study and work. Of course it was more abrupt and final than you had wanted, but hadn’t this day always been looming on the horizon? Eventually, you would’ve stopped visiting so frequently, if at all. There was no reason to mourn the occurrence of an inevitability.

Besides the drama of your parents’ move, your second year was uneventful. You made even more friends than you had in your first year, and you still saw Yayoi as much as you could, although it was more difficult for the time being. Luckily, at this point you two had the kind of friendship wherein you picked up as if you had never been apart whenever you reunited, so you at least had that one constant in what sometimes felt like an ever-shifting life.

Around the time that your finals began, you received a text from Tabito, written in a formal language that was nothing like the messages full of abbreviations and emoticons that he generally sent you.

‘Hi, Y/N. I hope you’re doing well, and that your second year in university didn’t give you too much difficulty. I’m just reaching out to let you know that my graduation is next Friday. The ceremony starts at 6:30 in the evening, and I managed to reserve you a spot. The address and information is on the ticket — if you’re able to come, then I’d really appreciate it, but if not, then that’s totally okay. I just thought I should let you know.’

You stared at your phone, a sinking feeling in your stomach. No matter how much you wanted to go, you couldn’t. There were too many factors against it, and you felt horrible as you typed out your response. Any way you went about it came across as too harsh, but then again, was there even a gentle way to reject someone when they had come to you with something so important?

‘tabito!! i can’t believe you’re graduating already, wow!! i really would like to come, but i have a final that friday in the afternoon :( plus i don’t know if you heard or not but my family moved to kawasaki, so i wouldn’t really have anywhere to stay. thank you so much for inviting me though!! i’ll get yayoi to bring a cardboard cutout of me to put in my seat or something LOL. it’ll be just like the real thing!!!’

He responded almost immediately, and despite the effort he must’ve made to sound unaffected, he was obviously disappointed by the turn of events, his efforts at cheer only further highlighting that fact.

‘It’s okay, really! And thank you. Haha yes a Y/N cutout will have to be good enough then. Good luck on your final!’

The rest of the week, the unopened file from Tabito, which sat in your email inbox, tantalized you, and you found yourself obsessively checking the schedule of trains leaving Tokyo. There was one back to your hometown that would depart an hour after your exam was scheduled to end, and you refreshed it constantly, waiting to see if tickets would sell out. Once they were gone, it would give you an excuse not to buy them, but to your frustration, they never did.

You would have to run, and even then it wasn’t a guarantee you would make it, to the train or the graduation, but it was the best chance you had, and with every passing moment, it began to sound like more and more of a viable option.

On Thursday evening, when you once again checked the ticket site and noticed there were open seats, you bit your tongue to stop yourself from swearing, and then you entered your credit card information into the prompt. A minute later, you got a confirmation email, letting you know that your seat was booked for the next day. Burying your face in your hands, you inhaled deeply, vowing not to tell Tabito in case he got his hopes up for nothing. Breathing in and out through your nose once more, you straightened your back and opened up your textbook, returning to studying with a renewed vigor borne of the adrenaline rush which resulted from the impulsive decision.

If your professor found it odd that you came to the exam hall in formal clothes, with your hair done and an overnight bag over your shoulder, she did not say anything, only motioning for you to put your bag with the others and then handing you your paper.

Thankfully, you had studied through the year, and this exam was for one of your easier subjects, so it was a relative breeze. You finished with time to spare, leaving the hall with your things and walking to the train station without any worries except for what would happen once you reached your end destination.

The train ride was longer than you remembered, and by the time you were disembarking at the station closest to Tabito’s high school, it was already 6:00. You sprinted through the platform, calling out apologies as you ran into people or elbowed them out of the way, trying to get to the taxi area before anyone else could claim all of the available vehicles.

“Stop!” you shouted when the singular remaining taxi prepared to drive off to a different pick-up location. You must’ve looked a sight, chasing after a taxi by the train station, wearing a dress and heels, stumbling over your feet with your arm outstretched. “Hey, sir! Stop!”

By some miracle, he saw you through the rearview mirror and screeched to a halt. You opened the back door and dove in, scribbling down the address on a slip of paper and handing it to him, as was customary. Then, when he input the address into his GPS and accelerated onto the route, you leaned forward.

“Sir, I’ll tip you generously if you can get me there before 6:30,” you said.

“I will do my best, ma’am. Please hold on,” he said. That was all the warning you got before he stepped on the gas pedal, the car taking off at all but twice the speed of the surrounding traffic, leaving you to hold onto your seat as the scenery outside blurred into nothing but a smear of pinks and greens and browns.

He got you there at 6:27, which was too close for comfort but still earlier than should’ve been humanly possible, so you reached into your wallet and pulled out a wad of cash that was certainly more than you owed. Slapping it on the console, you mumbled out a thank you and ran off without waiting for a response, trying your best to remember the directions to the auditorium from the email Tabito had sent you.

“Do you have a ticket, miss?” the security guard waiting at the door to the auditorium said. You reached into your pocket and tried to unlock your phone; your slick fingers typed in the wrong password twice before it finally opened and you could brandish the file. He squinted at it before nodding and opening the door for you. “The ceremony has already begun, so please try not to make too much of a disturbance when you enter.”

Your shins and the balls of your feet ached from how much ground you had covered in your less-than-supportive footwear and the speed at which you had done so. Your shoulder, too, was sore under the strain of your bag, but you ignored these pains, counting down the rows and the seat numbers until you spotted the empty one that belonged to you. Squeezing past the others who had already taken their places, you collapsed in the cushioned chair, a sigh of relief escaping you when you saw that, though the ceremony was already underway, Tabito was still yet to go.

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” Yayoi said absentmindedly, for your seat was naturally beside hers. Then, like she had realized what she had said, her jaw dropped. “Y/N? I thought you couldn’t come!”

“Shh, he’s about to go,” you said. “I’ll explain later.”

If you had hesitated for even a minute at any point, you would’ve missed it, but by the grace of some universal power, you had made it into your seat right as Tabito stepped up to take his diploma. He scanned the crowd, much in the same way he did when he was playing soccer, but sadly instead of sharply, like he was aware that he was about to be disappointed yet knew he had to experience that disappointment first-hand regardless.

His eyes slid over everyone in the audience dismissively, but when they landed upon you, they paused, and though it was too far for you to see, you fancied they must’ve widened the slightest bit. Not enough for anyone else to make anything of it, but enough for you to know.

For an instant, everyone else disappeared. In that auditorium, there was only Tabito on the stage and you in the audience, his diploma slack in his grasp, your breaths still fast and uneven. And although there was a distance, and no small one at that, between you and him, it was as if you were right by his side, as if you could see every single emotion which flickered across his face. Shock. Disbelief. Wonder. Then, finally, a sheer, childish thing which could only be called joy — unabashed and whole and candid joy. He smiled in the way he only did for you, not for anyone else in the entire world, not smug and haughty but shy and sincere, and you could not help but smile as well, raising your hand and waving at him like he always did at you.

He was taken aback, but obviously delighted, and so, as the principal announced his name and read off his accomplishments while with the school, Tabito ignored the praise and the applause, focusing solely on returning your wave with one of his own.

“What are you doing here?” he said, sweeping you into a hug as soon as you had all left the auditorium and he had reunited with his family. “You said you couldn’t come!”

“I was wondering the same thing,” Yayoi said from where she was waiting at your side. “And Tabito, when you’re done showing your clearfavoritism, give me a high-five or something.”

He held onto you for a moment longer before letting go and high-fiving his sister, who was the only one that hadn’t been there for when Mr. and Mrs. Karasu, as well as Tabito and Yayoi’s grandmother, had taken teary eyed photos with him. She had instead stayed with you, telling you that you owed her an explanation and then jumping to another topic of conversation before you could give her one.

“There was a train from Tokyo which left an hour after my exam window ended,” you said. “I know you don’t like surprises, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it, so I didn’t want to tell you in advance in case things didn’t work out. As it is, I had to bribe the taxi driver to get me here from the station at highly illegal speeds, and with that, I only made it to the front of the building by 6:27. Honestly, I still can’t believe I got there before you went at all, but I’m so glad I did.”

“Me, too. You’re right that I don’t normally like surprises, but this one, I was really happy about, so it’s an exception,” Tabito said. Now that he was no longer under obligation to hang around with Yayoi, he was back at your side, playing with the zipper of your bag in fascination while you spoke.

“Me, three,” Yayoi said. “He was seriously depressed that you weren’t coming. The house was like a toxic wasteland the entire week. It’s going to be much safer and cleaner now.”

“Toxic wasteland?” you said.

“Yup, and the toxic waste himself is right next to you, so be careful,” she said.

“You’re so dramatic. It wasn’t like that,” Tabito said.

“Sure,” she said. “Yup. Totally wasn’t.”

“Why do you always do this?” he whined.

“Do what?” Yayoi said.

“Try to embarrass me whenever you can!” he said.

“Not like it’s possible for me to embarrass you in front of Y/N out of everyone. You do that all on your own, so there’s no way I can make things worse,” she said.

“Yayoi!” he snapped.

“Onto more pressing subjects,” you interjected before things could worsen. “Um. I do have a slight problem.”

“What is it?” Tabito said.

“I kind of came here on a whim, so I don’t really have anywhere to sleep, exactly,” you said. The siblings exchanged looks before Yayoi rolled her eyes and Tabito grabbed your bag from you.

“You’ll stay with us, of course,” Yayoi said.

“For as long as you want,” Tabito added. “Or as long as you can, actually. That’s better. Don’t leave until you absolutely have to.”

“We can put your bags in the car, and then we have to take pictures,” Yayoi said.

“I didn’t know you cared enough to want to commemorate my graduation,” Tabito said. Yayoi snorted.

“Nah, I just want to commemorate Y/N’s wild journey from Tokyo, and the fact that she magically got here on time. I don’t ever want to forget about that,” she said.

“I’d be offended, but actually, I’m in agreement. I can’t believe you bribed a taxi driver for me,” Tabito said.

“Ah, well, you know,” you said. “I just told him I’d tip him if he could get me there on time, and he did it.”

“You’re crazy,” he said affectionately.

“Totally,” Yayoi agreed.

“And aren’t you grateful for it?” you said, curling your fingers around his wrist and throwing the other arm around Yayoi’s shoulders, causing her to shoot you a mock-dirty look before she made herself comfortable against you.

“Yes,” Tabito said, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks when he lowered them bashfully, that same smile lighting up his face at the sensation of your fingers dancing over his veins. “I really am.”

The world was quite determined not to split you and the Karasus apart for very long. You learned that night that, along with getting into a prestigious college, Tabito had also been selected to join the Japanese U-20 soccer team. In order to balance his academics — he could’ve quit school entirely by this point if he so chose, but he was far too paranoid to not have a second option should his soccer career not take off — with the new demands of the team, he would be living in Tokyo with one of his new teammates, a boy he had never met but was supposedly named something along the lines of Eita Otoya.

His new place was somewhat close to your apartment; close was a subjective word, of course, but to you, when the weather was nice and you were in no rush to be anywhere or do anything, it was a perfectly walkable distance, and you told him you’d definitely show him and Otoya around once they were moved in and had a moment to spare for such a frivolous outing.

Between his practices and the increase in his workload, it seemed like you really might never see Tabito at all, however close you might’ve now been to him physically. Yet somehow, on a warm day at the brink of summer, he texted you asking if the offer was still on the table, and if so, could you please show him and Otoya a place to get good coffee, because the stuff they made with their Keurig machine wasn’t cutting it anymore. You laughed, responding that you’d be delighted to, and that you were free all weekend, with no qualms about dedicating a day solely to them.

Your first impression of Eita Otoya was that, next to Tabito, he had a delicate and pointed appeal to his pretty features. He was smaller than Tabito, and although there wasn’t an ounce of menace in the way he stood, all inviting and open and casual, there was a wolflike canniness to his green irises, which glimmered when he noticed you approaching.

Before Otoya could even say anything, Tabito had covered his mouth with a hand, glaring down at him in a manner which did not seem to entirely be in jest.

“No way,” he said. “Flirt with whoever else you want, but she and Yayoi are off limits.”

Otoya held his hands up in the air, his voice muffled by Tabito’s palm when he spoke. “Got it, dude. Plenty of other fish in the sea, right?”

“For you, yeah,” Tabito said. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Tabito,” you said. “And you must be Otoya? It’s nice to meet you. Tabito’s mentioned you a few times.”

“Hopefully he’s only said good things,” Otoya said, shaking your hand, careful to keep a cordial distance between you two.

“On the contrary, I’ve been led to believe you’re the devil incarnate,” you said.

“Really?” Otoya said.

“No, of course not. He’s only ever spoken highly of you. I was just joking,” you said.

“That’s a relief,” Otoya said. “It’d be awkward if you had a bad impression of me before we’d even met.”

“Did you really think I’d complain about you to her? I’m kind of hurt,” Tabito said.

“Look, you never know! Maybe that’s how you get your aggression out,” Otoya said.

“It’s not. If I had any aggression, I’d just yell at you yourself. I definitely wouldn’t burden her with any of your hypothetical nonsense, not in a million years,” Tabito said.

“Woah, didn’t realize we had a gentleman here,” Otoya said with a snicker. “Okay, then. Thanks for not talking shit about me behind my back.”

“Anytime,” Tabito said.

“Are you two done yet?” you said. “I don’t want the place to close before we get a spot.”

“Is it nearby?” Otoya said. “As long as it’s close, it doesn’t even matter if it’s expensive. I just need something better than those shitty convenience store Keurig packets Tabito’s been getting for us.”

“That’s the best I’ve been able to bring home at the random times you text me telling me we’re out! Sorry I don’t stop by a damn café after every morning practice,” Tabito said.

“This guy,” Otoya said, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Doesn’t understand the value of a good coffee one bit.”

“Not everyone has that touch,” you whispered back with a wink. “It’s alright. I won’t let you suffer any longer; the shop I’m taking you to is only a block away, and it’s relatively inexpensive — for the city, anyways. If you don’t know that it’s there, though, it’s easy to miss, so I don’t blame you for not seeing it.”

“My hero!” Otoya said. “Lead the way.”

You had discovered the small café entirely by accident during your first year in Tokyo. It was tucked away between a laundromat and a veterinary office, far from where one would expect a shop of its nature to be located, and although there was were always a couple of patrons scattered throughout the booths and tables, it was never bustling or crowded enough to take away from the cozy atmosphere.

Tabito held the door open for you, and consequently for Otoya, who followed after and inhaled deeply, clasping his hands together in awe.

“This is amazing,” he said. “L/N, you’re like an angel sent from heaven or something. I could fall to my knees and praise you with a sonnet right now, I’m that happy.”

“If you fall to your knees or do anything similarly stupid in front of her, I’ll show you why I made the U-20 team,” Tabito said, raising his leg in the air like he was threatening to kick Otoya.

“He was just joking around, Tabito, it’s not a big deal,” you said. Then, to Otoya: “You’re pretty funny, you know.”

“Thanks,” he said with a grin. “I try my best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“Mostly it doesn’t,” Tabito muttered under his breath. “Tell me your order, Y/N, and I’ll get it for you.”

“Oh, thanks!” you said, listing off your favorites from the cafe’s menu for him. He wrote it down on his phone, lines of concentration etched into his brow as he painstakingly typed out the entire order before showing it to you to confirm that it was correct.

“Can you get me their seasonal drink?” Otoya said, sliding into the seat across from you and peering up at Tabito, who was entirely unamused by the act. “That floral-type latte. It sounds sick.”

“Get it yourself,” Tabito said.

“Why? You’re going to be up there, so just order and let me get to know dear Miss L/N here,” Otoya said. Tabito seemed conflicted, but you nodded reassuringly at him.

“Fine, but you — you know the deal,” he said, brandishing his pointer finger at Otoya. “Don’t you dare mess with her.”

“You got it,” Otoya said with a double-thumbs-up.

“I’m sorry. He’s always been like that, but he really does mean well,” you said, gazing after Tabito once he had stomped away to the counter.

“Been like what?” Otoya said. “An asshole? Ah, but I’m only saying it affectionately, so please don’t tell him I called him that, or else you’ll cause problems where there aren’t any.”

“He’s sweet at heart,” you said. “I know how he can seem to other people, especially at first, but I met him when he was four years old, so I guess I never really saw that side of him. He’s never been anything but kind to me. I guess that’s all I’m trying to say.”

“You’ve known Karasu for that long?” Otoya said.

“Yup. Like I said, I’m not denying that he’s abrasive most of the time, but he’s only being so protective because he cares about his sister and I so very much. Please don’t take it personally. He’s just that type of younger sibling,” you said.

“Younger sibling?” Otoya repeated. “That’s how you see him, huh? I get it now. If that’s how things are, then I won’t butt in.”

“That’s how they are,” you said. For some reason, this caused him to laugh at you, but it was pitying and mocking and not a sound you preferred to hear from anyone — most certainly not from a person you had only just met.

“It’s always so complicated in life, huh? That’s why I never really try too hard. Problems get worse the more you think about them,” he said. It hardly counted as an explanation, but for some reason, you were sure that that was all you were going to get out of him. “Oh, shit!”

“What happened?” you said as, abruptly and without warning, he shot to his feet,

“I was supposed to work on a group presentation today,” he said, running a hand through his hair with a groan. “They just texted to confirm that we’re meeting in the library in fifteen minutes.”

“Can you make it on time?” you said. He was already typing the address of his school’s library into his GPS, and the instant it loaded, he nodded at you.

“I’ve got it, but I’m afraid I’ll have to head out right about now, or else this crazy girl in my group will kill me. Tell Karasu I’ll send him the money for my drink, and that he can enjoy it on me,” he said. “Poor guy needs it, I’m pretty sure.”

“It’ll be too sweet for him, but I’ll pass along the message, sure,” you said.

“Now, normally, this would be the part where I’d ask you for your number, but no matter how beautiful you are, I’m not willing to risk my living situation for you,” he said. “Karasu’s pretty cool, as far as roommates go. It could definitely be worse, so I’d really not like to lose him and end up with some weirdo who collects toenail clippings, just for flirting with the one girl that he declared off-limits.”

“His actual sister’s off-limits as well,” you reminded Otoya. “So that’s two.”

“He did say that, didn’t he? But you’re off-limits in a different way, and unless I want to end up like my own older sister, whose first-year roommate built a replica of the Taj Mahal from the hair she collected out of their drain, I’m going to respect that,” he said.

“That’s disgusting,” you said, too busy gagging at the mental image artwork he had just described to even question what else he was talking about. “Well, you should be off to your group project, then. I’m sure I’ll see you around, Otoya, but in case it’s not for a while, I’ll wish you luck with soccer and school now.”

“Thanks. The same to you, and I am eternally in your debt for showing me this place, so if you ever need something, let me know,” he said, scrambling hastily out of the café without bothering to push his chair back under the table.

Tabito returned a few seconds later, setting the tray of your drinks down on the table and taking his spot in the booth at your side. Handing you the cup that belonged to you, he sipped on his own and placed Otoya’s across from himself.

“Where’d Otoya go?” he said.

“He said something about working on a group project and left. Apparently, he’ll send you the money for the drink, and you’re free to do with it as you please,” you said. Tabito wrinkled his nose.

“He always gets such sweet shit. There’s no way I’m going to be able to drink that,” he said.

“That’s what I told him, but what other option is there? We can share so it isn’t wasted,” you said, taking a swig from Otoya’s flowery beverage. It wasn’t bad, and you had a little more before giving it to Tabito.

“Ugh,” he said. “Fine.”

He poked out his tongue, lapping up the tiniest droplet of coffee which lingered on the rim of the cup, and then he made a face, handing it back to you and then gulping down two mouthfuls of his own drink to wash out the taste.

“That bad?” you said.

“Tasted like shit,” he said. “I don’t know how the two of you can drink that kind of stuff regularly without gagging.”

“It’s not my favorite, but it’s not as horrible as you’re making it out to be,” you said.

“I can literally feel my arteries clogging as we speak,” he said.

“Since when did you start speaking like an old man?” you said. “What boy your age talks about his arteries clogging?”

“Firstly, I’m trying to become a professional athlete, so I have to pay careful attention to things like my health, and secondly, we’re not that far apart in age. We have to worry about the same things, like jobs and grades and clogged arteries. Concerns of that nature,” he said.

“I’m glad you feel that way, but why’d you think I was referring to people my own age when I said old man, hm?” you said, elbowing him in the ribs playfully. “For your information, I doubt any of my own classmates would care about that shit yet, either. That was a distinctly middle-aged thing of you to say.”

“That makes me older than you,” he said. “If I’m middle-aged and you’re still all youthful and whatnot, that is. How do you feel about that age gap? It’s a little racy, don’t you think?”

You gave him an incredulous look. He couldn’t even maintain his straight face for more than a second, immediately losing composure and snorting at you.

“You’re the worst,” you said.

“And you’re easy to tease,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I had to take the opportunity when it presented itself.”

“I’ll give it to you this once,” you said. “Next time, you’re not getting off so easily.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “You’re all talk. I’m not scared one bit.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so adorable,” you said. “How am I supposed to stay mad when you look like you just watched a puppy die every time Yayoi yells at you?”

He scowled at you. “You’re making that up, aren’t you? Or is that how you actually see me?”

“Hm,” you said. “Let’s finish our drinks. They don’t taste as good if they’ve sat for too long.”

Huffing in exasperation but knowing that you’d not go into more detail once you’d changed the subject, he finished off what was left of his order in one fell swoop, and then he snatched Otoya’s drink from your hands, tossing it into the trashcan before you could so much as blink.

“Aw,” you said. “I feel bad. That’s how we’re responding to Otoya’s act of goodwill?”

“Forget about his goodwill,” Tabito said. “It’s not like he did it because of how magnanimous he is or anything. He’s just a dumbass who forgot that he had prior commitments.”

“Nothing like you, of course,” you said. “You’re always on time, and you only ever order the best of drinks.”

“Exactly,” he said firmly, leaving no room for argument — not that you would’ve argued with him, even if there was any cause to. Your father had always told you that generally, it was better to lose an argument than a loved one, and since the notion of losing Tabito was akin to a spear being driven into your heart, you did your best to avoid the chance of that frightful outcome ever occurring at all.

A few days before the end of the winter term, Yayoi called you in a flurrying panic. When you picked up, you were expecting her to be asking about the plans you had made for the road trip you two were taking, but it was nothing of the sort. Indeed, the first words out of her mouth were ones you had never once heard from her, and you almost dropped your phone the moment she said them.

“Y/N, I need your help. There’s this guy—”

“What?” you said. “Since when? What’s his name? Where did you meet him, and how? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Is he handsome?”

“Oh my god, one question at a time!” she said. “Yes, he’s super handsome — actually, he’s a model, so it’s kind of a prerequisite. I’m telling you as it happens, so don’t think I’m keeping things from you! His name is Kenyu Yukimiya; he plays for the U-20 team with Tabito, and I met him when I went to one of their practices because I was bored. We spoke once, but I don’t think he remembers I exist, and even if he does, he probably considers me as nothing more than his teammate’s older sister.”

“Wait, U-20? Is he younger than us?” you said.

“Yes, he’s in Tabito’s year, though a couple of months older than him,” she said. “Do you think it’s weird? Oh, it’s totally weird, isn’t it? I’m a creep! I’m a stupid, ugly creep! Lock me away or turn me into the police or something!”

You cut her wailing off with a snicker. “Yayoi, relax. It’s not that weird, and I mean that honestly. It’s hardly even a two year difference, right? My own parents have a bigger age gap, and besides, you both are in pretty similar spots in life, so it shouldn’t be a problem, especially if he’s mature.”

“He seemed mature,” she said contemplatively. “He was super polite and kind when I spoke to him. Plus, unlike my stupid brother, he actually enjoys talking about the same things I do.”

“There you go, then,” you said. “You’re worrying for nothing. The only reason why anyone might say anything is because you’re older than him, but who cares about that? It’s a tired concept, the whole notion of the woman needing to be younger or smaller than her male partner or whatever. As long as he’s single and into you, I’d say you’re in the clear.”

“That’s what I actually called you to talk about!” Yayoi said. “You’ve had a boyfriend, so you know a little more than I do about this kind of thing. How am I supposed to get him to ask me out?”

“Just so you know, having had one boyfriend back in high school doesn’t exactly qualify me to give you advice,” you said. “Also, you can’t really get someone to ask you out. Why don’t you just go to another one of their practices and talk to him again once they’re done? If the conversation is flowing well, then you can ask him out yourself.”

“Um, that would be a great idea if I was brave enough to ask someone out,” she said. “Unfortunately, I definitely am not.”

“You don’t have to be all official and serious about it,” you said. “Don’t say you want to date or anything — ask him if he wants to hang out to continue the conversation at a later time, and then give him your number. That’s all. If he’s interested, he’ll call or text you to make plans, and if he’s not, then he won’t.”

“It’s that simple?” she said.

“I think it is,” you said. “I wouldn’t know from personal experience. Aoyama just asked me out. I never had to do anything.”

“Not all of us can be that lucky!” she said.

“Yeah, I get it. But I have confidence that you can pull it off! It’ll go great, and then you’ll actually be dating a model in Tokyo like you always said you would,” you said.

“Okay…” she said hesitantly. “Y/N?”

“Yayoi?” you said.

“Canyoucometothepracticewithme?” she said, all in one unintelligible breath. You furrowed your brow.

“Could you repeat that?” you said.

“Can you come to the practice with me?” she said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do it without you pressuring me a bit.”

“Sure, why not?” you said. “Is it in the morning or evening?”

“They have evening practices on Tuesdays. I was thinking we could go to one of those? That’s what I did last time, so it’s an established thing, and anyways I don’t think I could wake up early enough to go to a morning practice,” she said.

“Okay, good, because I was kind of scared I’d have to be up before the sun. I’d do it for you, and in a heartbeat, but I wouldn’t exactly be happy about it,” you said.

“I wouldn’t, either,” she said. “This Tuesday, then? We can have an early dinner or late snack together before heading over.”

“I won’t miss it,” you promised. “Make sure you wear something nice!”

After your Tuesday classes and errands were completed, you met Yayoi at a restaurant you both liked so that you could quickly eat before leaving for the practice. She was nervous the entire way, twirling the ends of her hair around her finger, straightening her already-perfect clothes, and chewing on her lower lip.

“Hey,” you said as the two of you entered the stadium and sat on the first row of benches. “Don’t stress out. If he’s an asshole, we’ll sic Tabito on him. I bet he could beat your crush in a fight, easily.”

“I don’t know,” Yayoi groaned. “Yukimiya’s super tall, and he looks pretty built, too. I think my baby brother might be outmatched.”

“No way,” you said loyally. “I’d bet on him over anyone.”

She glanced at you out of the corner of her eye. “I wish I could have the same faith in him, but considering what a dumbass he typically is, I can’t say I can muster it up. Look, that’s Yukimiya. Still think Tabito’s got it in the bag?”

Discreetly, she pointed out a boy with wavy chestnut hair and an admittedly powerful build. He stood next to Otoya, which only threw it into further relief just how muscular and tall he was. Yayoi hadn’t been lying about that, and neither had she made up how good-looking he was; you could tell just from that first glance that he was heartbreakingly handsome.

“Well,” you said, realizing that maybe you had been a bit overconfident in Tabito’s abilities. But you were too stubborn to change your answer now, and besides, you believed in him no matter what, so you only shrugged. “Yes. Even if it looked like he’d lose for sure, I’d still pick him. There just isn’t anyone else I’d ever choose.”

“Damn,” Yayoi said. “Fine, then. If Yukimiya ends up being an asshole, we’ll see who wins.”

“Deal,” you said. “Although, hopefully it doesn’t come to that.”

“Hopefully,” she agreed.

The practice was long, dragging on past sunset, the field’s lights turning on to ward away the darkness as the moon crept higher into the sky. Yayoi, who had confessed that she hadn’t slept well the previous night, slumped against you and passed out almost immediately, and you busied yourself with a pattern of checking your phone and watching moths fly fruitlessly into the massive lamps.

Finally, the coach blew the whistle to signify the end of the practice, and as the players exited the field, walking past where you were conveniently seated, right by the joint entrance-exit, you shook Yayoi.

“There’s no way you’re in this deep of a sleep,” you hissed at her unmoving form.

“Y/N?” It was not Yayoi but someone else who said your name; namely, Tabito, who had paused in front of you and Yayoi to gaze at you questioningly. “Why are you at my practice?”

“Not now, Tabito,” you said dismissively. Noticing that Otoya and, more importantly, Yukimiya, flanked him, you doubled down on your efforts to wake Yayoi, who remained unresponsive. “You bitch. I bet you’re just pretending to sleep so you don’t have to go through with the plan.”

“Hey, L/N! It’s been a bit,” Otoya said. “I’ve been visiting the place you showed us almost daily. It’s wicked good. You’re the best for bringing us there.”

“Hi, Otoya,” you said. “Sure, anytime. I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Yayoi, if you won’t get up, I’ll just do it myself.”

Without waiting for her to respond, you stood up and bowed slightly at Yukimiya, who seemed entirely bemused by your odd actions. He glanced at both Otoya and Tabito for help, but neither of them had any clue what you were doing, either, so they could offer no assistance to him on that front.

“It’s nice to meet you. I hear your name is Kenyu Yukimiya?” you said.

“Yes, that’s correct,” he said. He had a pretty manner of speech, proper and refined, each word spoken with careful control. “Who might you be?”

“Y/N L/N, but that’s unimportant,” you said. “That’s Yayoi Karasu. She’s Tabito’s barely-older sister. You should talk to her.”

“Y/N!” Yayoi screeched, shooting up to a sitting position. “Why would you phrase it like that?”

“What is going on here?” Tabito said. Otoya shrugged, clearly lost as well.

“So you were faking it the entire time! Never in my life have I met a bigger coward,” you said, clicking your tongue in disappointment.

“Yayoi Karasu?” Yukimiya said. “Oh, I know you! You were here last week, right? We talked about Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

“That’s right! You, uh, remembered that?” Yayoi said. He beamed at her.

“How could I not? The movie is one of my favorites, and none of these guys like it, so it was great to meet someone else who’s seen it so many times,” Yukimiya said.

“Y/N,” Tabito whispered, sidling over to you, the tip of his sharp nose brushing against the shell of your ear. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

“Depends,” you whispered back. “If you think this is your sister having a crush on your soccer teammate, then yeah, it is. Otherwise, no.”

“That’s gross,” Tabito said, horror twisting his features. “Yayoi and Yuki? No way. You have to be joking.”

“Why not? Because he’s younger than her? It’s only two years. That’s nothing,” you said. “You should be more supportive.”

“No,” he said, a peculiar edge to his voice. “No, I don’t — I don’t care about that part. I thought you might, but I don’t at all.”

“Huh? Why would I?” you said. “If they’re both interested in each other, and they make each other happy, that’s all that matters. We’re adults, so a few years here and there is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.”

“What about you? Would you ever do it?” he said, breathless and impatient, clenching the hem of your shirt in one fist.

“Date someone younger than me? I’m not sure. I’ve never really considered it; you’re the only one younger than me that I regularly interact with, and, well, you know. There’s a special consideration there. Why? Got a teammate you want to set me up with or something?” you said.

“Absolutely not,” he said, stepping away from you and scowling. “I’d never ever ever let one of those mediocre fucking idiots anywhere near you.”

“Just a hypothetical question, then? I suppose there’s no harm in that kind of thing every now and again. Was my response alright?” you said.

“How am I supposed to answer that?” he said tiredly. “It’s what you think, so obviously it’s fine. I should go now. I don’t want to keep Otoya waiting; he’ll get pissy and annoying if I do.”

“Oh, okay. Bye, Tabito! Let me know if you’re free sometime. I feel like I never see you, even though we’re all but neighbors. We should do something,” you said. The strange tone of the conversation had left you reeling, and you scrambled for something that would make it better, would chase away the anxiety constricting your lungs like a vice.

“I’ll let you know,” he said. It was a dull attempt at sounding excited, and for a brief, striking instant, you wanted to reach out and beg him to wait one second more. You wanted to apologize, though you knew not what you had even done. You wanted him to stay until he smiled at you again, the way he usually did, and then you wanted to — you wanted to — you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure what you would do after that, but you would do something, hold his hand or embrace him or something.

Yet instead, you did nothing, watching as he rejoined Otoya and entered the locker room without a backwards glance, leaving you standing by yourself in the bleachers, your heart hammering in your chest like a crow with clipped wings, thrashing against the bars of its steel cage in a futile attempt to escape.

“Can you believe it?” Yayoi said later. “He asked me out first! I didn’t even have to do anything!”

“Congratulations,” you said, as genuinely as you could. “I’m really happy for you, Yayoi. Fingers crossed that it all works out well. I’m sure it will; he seems like a really great guy, and you both were talking for a while, so you’re clearly compatible.”

“Thanks, I think so too!” she said before narrowing her eyes at you. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing!” you said. She was so happy that you could not bear the thought of burdening her with your problems, especially when they weren’t even problems in the first place. Yayoi was having none of it, though, frowning at you.

“You can tell me,” she said. You shook your head, so she poked you in the forehead. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

She punctuated each utterance of the refrain with another poke, until finally you batted her hand away in exasperation “It really is nothing. I just think I did something to upset Tabito — don’t ask me what, because I don’t know — and it’s making me feel a bit out of sorts.”

“He’ll get over it. Why’re you worried? This isn’t unusual. He’s mad at me half of the time. If I felt out of sorts every time he threw a tantrum about something, I’d never feel in sorts,” she said.

“But he hardly ever gets mad at me,” you said.

“Right,” she said, her eyes glimmering. “I forgot the two of you were like that. Hm. I still think you shouldn’t worry too much. If he’s actually mad, which I honestly doubt, then he’ll get over it quickly enough. He’s not capable of staying angry at you for any length of time.”

“If you say so,” you said. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. We need to celebrate you finally saying yes to a guy that asked you out!”

Yayoi blushed but nodded. “Should we go for drinks?”

“It is a Tuesday,” you reminded her.

“Is that a no?” she said.

“It’s a yes,” you said.

“I knew I loved you for a reason,” she said.

“Just for that, you’re covering the tab,” you said. She winked at you.

“Already planning on it!”

The end of your time at university came almost as soon as the beginning had. It was bizarre, walking out of the familiar exam hall for the final time — you knew you had passed, and you already had a job lined up for you in a month’s time, so there wasn’t any cause to worry, and indeed you did not. You only felt odd and light, as if you were floating through the streets of Tokyo, ephemeral like an aluminum wrapper bouncing down the pavement in the wind.

Neither Yayoi nor Tabito could attend your graduation ceremony which was held that Friday; Yayoi had fallen deathly ill, so you had enlisted Yukimiya in keeping her at home, lest she sneak out and kill herself by trying to support you, and as for Tabito, he happened to have a final exam held at exactly the time of the ceremony, which meant he was automatically excluded from attending.

Your parents, as well as both sets of your grandparents, were in the audience, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t help yourself from searching for the Karasus, for Tabito in particular, but no matter how hard you searched, it didn’t matter. They weren’t there. He wasn’t there.

When the president of your college, a portly woman with pin-curled hair and red lipstick, handed you your degree, you were hesitant in taking it. Your smile plastered on, you stared towards the door as your fingers inched towards the fancy paper. Any moment now. He’d burst through the door the way you had, and he’d see you, and he’d smile and then wave — it was like a tradition at this point, wasn’t it? It had to happen. He had to come. You knew he wouldn’t, but you couldn’t stop a foolish anticipation from brewing in you as you waited.

Your hands reached the certificate. You held it in front of you as the cameras went off, finally turning away from the door and grinning wider, resolving not to let it ruin your mood. After all, you had worked so hard to achieve this. Why did it matter who was in the audience? It could be an audience of none, and you’d still be happy. You’d still be proud, for no other reason than because you had done it, because all of your hours of studying and classes and homework had finally paid off.

You ate dinner with your family, and then you were invited to go out to a nearby bar by a few of your college friends. Seeing your parents and grandparents to the train station, you rushed back to your apartment to get ready for the night, entirely ready to let loose after what felt like several years’ worth of burdens had just been knocked from your shoulders.

The bar was packed with students from your school, all of whom had had much the same idea as you and your friends. The bartenders were rushing back and forth, sliding drinks out with as much speed as was humanly possible, and before long you were sipping on something fizzy and fruity that one of your friends had handed you.

At some point, one of your classmates, a boy who you had never known particularly well but recognized for his distinctive voice, which could be heard from all corners of the city when he got to bragging about his father’s salary, announced that the rest of the night’s drinks were on him. If you were his father, you’d be furious at the offer, but as you weren’t his father, you took advantage of it with impudence, downing glass after glass of whatever the bartender gave you.

Soon enough, the music and lighting, which you had found so charming and delightful earlier, began to pound at your head. The world spun, not unpleasantly but still in a disorienting manner, and you stumbled towards the door, pulling out your phone and singing to yourself as you decided who you wanted to call.

The cool air of the night was refreshing against your face, and you leaned against the brick wall of the establishment as you squinted at the blinding light of your phone’s screen. You could barely make out the dark characters which stood out on the white background, and eventually you gave up, switching to the keypad and using muscle memory to type in the number your fingers had long ago memorized.

He didn’t pick up until the last ring, and his voice was groggy when he spoke. In the back of your mind, you felt guilty, for you recognized that he must’ve been sleeping, but for the most part you were far too elated to hear him speaking, so you could not bring yourself to be too sorry.

“Hello? Y/N?”

“Tabito,” you said, your words slurring together, dragging out at the ends and trailing into soft breaths. “Tabito, you didn’t come to my graduation.”

He sounded a lot more alert when he spoke next, but he did not change the volume of his voice from that low murmur any. “I told you I couldn’t. I had an exam, remember?”

You sniffed, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it,” he said. “You know I would’ve been there if I could’ve.”

“Can you come now?” you said, your lower lip trembling.

“Come where?” he said. There was a muffled sound that you assumed was him rolling out of his bed, and then the soft padding noise of his footsteps.

“The bar,” you said. At this point, irrational tears were welling in your eyes. You weren’t even sad, but you couldn’t stop them from rolling down your cheeks, leaving scalding trails in their wake.

“Are you out with your friends? Why do you want me there? Aren’t you celebrating?” he said.

“I don’t know,” you said, and then you were hiccuping as you cried in earnest. “I don’t know, Tabito, I just want you to be here.”

“Okay, okay,” he soothed you. “I just left my apartment. Is it the bar you and Yayoi like to go to? The one by the grocery store?”

“Yes,” you said.

“I’ll be there in a couple of minutes, and then we can decide what to do from there. Does that sound good?” he said.

“Mhm,” you said. “Are you going really fast? Tabito, you play soccer, right?”

“I do play soccer,” he said, sounding equal parts amused and concerned. “You come to watch my games sometimes. I like when you do that.”

“That means you must be fast,” you said. “Mega fast. Mega extra fast.”

“I’m only a little fast. Most of my teammates are faster,” he said.

“Ah,” you said. “But will you still be here super soon?”

“Yes, I’ll be there super soon,” he promised.

“Can you talk on the phone and walk at the same time?” you asked him.

“Well, I’m doing it at the moment, so yes, I’d assume so. Why do you ask?” he said.

“Isn’t that illegal?” you said.

“No, that’s for when you’re driving,” he said.

“Oh,” you said. “You don’t do that, do you?”

“I take the train or walk most places, so I don’t even have the opportunity to,” he said.

“But if you had to drive, you wouldn’t, right? Right, right?” you said.

“Right,” he said. “I’m just around the corner, so I’m going to hang up. Are you outside?”

“Next to the door,” you said.

“Don’t move,” he instructed you, and then he ended the call.

Before you could begin to wail about the abandonment, he was rounding the corner, looking so haphazard that, had you any more presence of mind, you’d have made fun of him for it. His hair stuck up in every which direction, like it had when he was younger and didn’t know how to style it, and he wore nothing but a random t-shirt thrown over a pair of plaid pajama pants, his feet shoved into the black Crocs that Yayoi had bought him as a gag gift last Christmas.

“Y/N! There you are,” he said, his shoulders slumping in relief as he pulled you into his arms. “Look, I’m with you now. Are you happy?”

You giggled. The world still rotated on an unidentifiable axis, but the firmness of Tabito’s grip had a kind of stabilizing effect, holding you in place and together and in one piece.

“Hi, baby,” you said. “Yes. So happy.”

“Baby?” he repeated, and based on the way his skin warmed, he must’ve been blushing.

“Look,” you said, reaching up so that you could play with the ends of his hair. “It’s like when you were a baby. When you were just little baby Tabito. That’s when I met you, you know.”

“I see,” he said, and there was a distinct yet inexplicable despondency to the way that the corners of his eyes crinkled and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Do you want to go home now?”

“I wanna be with you,” you said.

“That’s fine,” he said, so patiently and tenderly that your head grew fuzzier and fuzzier with every word he spoke. “I’ll stay with you either way, but I think we should probably head back. How much have you had to drink?”

“Um…” you tried to recount what you had ingested, but it was all a blur. “I don’t remember.”

He rubbed the back of his hand against your cheek. “Let’s go home, then. You definitely shouldn’t have any more. Will you be alright if I go inside and tell your friends I’m taking you back?”

“Do you have to?” you said, catching his sleeve and holding it in between your hands. “Why can’t we just leave?”

“They’ll worry about you,” he said, prying your fingers off with the utmost of delicacy. “If you leave without letting them know, they might think something bad happened. I’ll explain what’s going on so they aren’t scared, and then we can head out. Does that make sense?”

“Hmm,” you said. “Only because you say so.”

He chuckled slightly. “That’s good. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You counted the seconds that he was gone, and before you reached the seventy-fifth, he was already back, his face flushed from the heat of the bar, his hair even wilder than earlier from the sweat and the humidity, a dusty footprint on his right shoe where someone must’ve accidentally stepped on him.

“I was expecting to have to convince them to let you go with me, but they were all alright with it,” he said, carefully taking your hand and leading you in the direction of the apartment.

“Sure they were,” you said, tripping over a loose stone, only avoiding face-planting because Tabito caught you with the reflexes of an athlete. “It’s because I talk about you so much.”

“Do you?” he said.

“Totally,” you said with a yawn. “All of my friends know about you and your soccer and your studies. I’m just soooo proud of you, so I mention it whenever you do something cool. Isn’t that what a normal elder-sister-figure would do?”

“Yayoi doesn’t,” he said.

“Yayoi is Yayoi,” you said.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “And it doesn’t change what I said.”

“Can you carry me?” you said when you almost stumbled and fell for the second time. “Tabito, it’s hard to walk, so can I please ride on your back the rest of the way?”

He exhaled but crouched, beckoning you forward. “If you really want.”

“Yay!” you said, leaping onto his broad back and clinging to his neck, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as he supported you while continuing to walk. “You’re so big now. When did that happen? Have you always been like this? It’s almost as if you’re nearer to being a man than a child, but that’s impossible. You’re still young, aren’t you?”

“It’s not impossible; in fact, it’s the truth,” he said. “If only you ever looked at me and saw me for who I am, you’d have realized I’ve been like this for quite a while now.”

“What do you mean?” you said, resting your chin on his shoulder, closing your eyes, allowing the rhythm of his walk to lull you into a trance.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Forget about it. We’re almost there. Are your keys in your purse?”

“Yup,” you said. “D’you want them now?”

“I’ll get them from you once we’re at the door,” he said. “Good thing you don’t have a roommate; I’m sure they’d be pissed off by you coming back so late, drunk out of your mind and with a random guy in tow.”

“You’re not a random guy,” you said, dropping the key to the complex in his waiting hand once the two of you reached the glass gate to the building. “If I had a roommate, they’d definitely know who you are. How could they not? You’re my Tabito.”

“Since when I have been your Tabito?” he said, unlocking the door and flicking your chin up playfully before returning his hand to holding up your leg. “I don’t think that I am.”

“Since always,” you said.

“Really? And does that mean you’re my Y/N?” he said, bending down so you could press the elevator button to take you to your floor.

“Yes,” you said. “For six years I did not know it, but ever since then I have been yours.”

“Well,” he said. “Is that how it is?”

“It is,” you said. He switched the lights in your apartment on and deposited you on the couch, heading to your kitchen and filling up a glass with water. Handing it to you, he sat at your side, bringing it to your lips so you could drink, not taking it away until you had drained the cup.

“Feeling better?” he said. “I’ll get you some crackers to eat.”

“Much better,” you said, chewing on the crackers while laying your head on his shoulder. “My stomach isn’t so queasy, and my vision is a lot more straight.”

“You’re talking more normally, too,” he noted. “At least, you sound a bit comprehensible. Want more water?”

“No,” you said. “I’m sleepy. Can we go to sleep now?”

“Here?” he said. “How about you change into your pajamas and wash your face first?”

“I’m too tired,” you said, yawning yet again to emphasize the point, nuzzling your face against the curve of his neck, your eyelashes crushing against his throat. “You’re so comfortable.”

“Thank you,” he said, patting you atop the head. “But you’ll feel horrible tomorrow morning if you don’t get in bed properly.”

“I’ll feel horrible either way,” you said. “I can’t do anything. We were partying for so long, and now I’m exhausted.”

“That’s true, but you’ll feel worse if you sleep here instead of in your room,” he said. “How about I help you?”

“You’ll help me?” you said.

“If you change your clothes, I’ll do everything else,” he promised, gently pushing you off of him and then standing so he could help you to your feet. “I just don’t want you to feel sick tomorrow, be all cramped up from sleeping in a weird spot, and get a break out on top of that.”

“I guess that’s fine,” you said with a dramatic exhale. “You’re so…so…what’s the word? You’re so persistent. Stubborn. Something like that.”

“People say that a lot,” he said.

“They call you an asshole a lot, too,” you said. “All of the time.”

“Yes,” he said, walking with you to your room, where your pajamas were folded at the foot of your bed. “I think I am one, at least a little bit. It’s impossible for me to be otherwise around mediocre people. I try to fix it, but it’s hard, you know.”

“I don’t think you are,” you said. “You’re the nicest person in the whole entire world. If you were an asshole, you wouldn’t treat me the way you do, but you do, which means you aren’t.”

“That’s because you’re special,” he said after a pause. “To me. And also in general.”

“What do you mean by that?” you said, but when you turned around, he had shut the door between you two, allowing you to change your clothes and him to avoid the question.

Only the thought of disappointing Tabito was enough to convince you to not collapse onto your inviting bed. Instead, you trudged towards the door, opening it and pouting at him, trying to beg with your eyes for him to allow you to go to sleep.

“Good job,” he said, ignoring your silent pleas and dragging you to the bathroom, where he sat you down on the edge of the bathtub. “Is this your makeup remover?”

He showed you the little tub of cold cream you kept next to your sink. You mumbled something generally affirmative, and he unscrewed it, kneeling beside you and massaging it onto your face, paying extra attention to your eyes, which was where most of your makeup was concentrated.

“Who taught you about all of this stuff?” you said, your eyes screwed shut as he used a clean, wet washcloth to remove the cleanser from your skin. “Do you have a secret girlfriend?”

“No girlfriends, secret or otherwise,” he said. “It’s all stuff Yayoi made me learn on pain of death. She refused to have a brother who didn’t know anything about proper skincare. It’s not like I do it all that much, but I’m aware of it thanks to her.”

“You’ve really never had a girlfriend?” you said. You supposed you had always been aware of that, but you had never really comprehended what it meant. How could it be that Tabito Karasu of all people had never even gone on a date?

“Nope,” he said. “Can I use this moisturizer on you? I’m sure you have a better routine normally, but it’ll probably be for the best if we skip steps for the sake of getting this done quickly.”

You cracked your eyes open and then nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Why?”

“Why what?” he said. The lotion was cold at first, but the circular motions of his fingers on your cheeks warmed it quickly enough that you didn’t even have time to be shocked by the temperature. It was soothing, a tingly sensation washing over you as he worked.

“Why haven’t you had a girlfriend?” you said, his fingertips gliding over your forehead.

“I guess I haven’t found the right person yet,” he said. “Or, no, that’s not it. I have found them. I found them a long time ago, but I don’t — I don’t think they wanted to be found. Not by me.”

“That can’t be true,” you said. “What kind of person wouldn’t want you? Who are you talking about, anyways?”

His thumb swiped over your lips, once and then twice, before coming to rest where they slightly parted. You waited, thinking he might move it, but he did not.

“What will it take?” he said. “For you to stop thinking of me as a child. What more can I do? Name it and I will. If it means you’ll stop thinking of me as your little brother, then I’ll do anything.”

“How else would I think of you?” you said. “You are like my—”

“Please,” he said, and it had been so very many years since you had heard him so distraught that you quieted immediately. “Please stop it. I don’t think of you like that, I don’t love you like that, so please stop it.”

Before you could respond, his mouth replaced his thumb against your own, and he was kissing you, cradling your head in his hands, his ardor winning out over his inexperience as he tried to impress upon you just how much he had wanted you, and for how long.

Unfathomably and without even realizing, you found yourself kissing him back, enjoying every demand he made of you and responding to them each in kind. Your hands wound around his neck and tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging on the silky, feathery strands, drawing a small whimper out of him as he wedged himself impossibly closer to you. Yet the sound broke you out of whatever daze you had fallen into, so, with a gasp, you ripped yourself away from him, resting your forehead at the dip of his collarbone as you tried to catch your breath.

“No,” you said. “No, I shouldn’t have — we shouldn’t have — you have to go.”

“Why not?” he said. “You said you shouldn’t have, but you did. Why do you wish you hadn’t?”

“You have to leave,” you said, and then you were crying again, soaking his shirt with your tears as the weight of what you had done began to smother you.

“Let go of me first,” he said. Your fingers, still in his hair, flexed but did not loosen. “Y/N. If you really want me to go, I’ll go, but you have to — you have to let go of me first. You have to be the one to do it.”

You wept harder, because you did not know how to let go of him, because you could not fathom doing it, but neither did you want him to let you go first. It was shameful and wrong, but the truth was that, more than anything, you wished for him to stay, to blot away your tears and lay you in your bed so you could sleep the entire night away.

Somehow, you found the strength in you to yank yourself away from him, all in one go. The moment they left him, it was as if your fingertips themselves mourned, aching to return to their rightful place, but instead of obliging, you used them to cover your eyes. Anything to avoid looking at him. Anything to avoid seeing the anguished expression that most certainly marred his features. Anything to avoid knowing that you were the one who had caused it.

You didn’t look up again until you heard the front door close, and then it was all you could do to turn off the bathroom lights and make it to your bed, crashing into the pillows and somehow managing to fall asleep.

As soon as Yayoi was feeling back to her usual self, you sent her a cryptic text essentially commanding her to meet you at your usual spot for food whenever she could. Thankfully, she recognized when you were having an actual problem versus when you just missed her, and she told you she was free that very evening, so you didn’t have to simmer in your thoughts for any longer than you already had.

“Your brother kissed me,” you said when you sat down across from her.

“Hello to you, too,” she said, closing her menu and setting it to the side. She had only even looked at it as a formality; both of you ordered the same thing every time, so opening the menu was meaningless at this point.

“Hello, Yayoi,” you said. “Tabito kissed me.”

“That’s what you wanted to talk about?” she guessed.

“Yes,” you said. “It happened the other night. I would’ve called you earlier, but you were sick, so I didn’t want to.”

“Alright. It’s a little awkward for me, considering he’s my brother and all, but I’ll set aside my biases and do my best. How do you feel right now?”

“I have no idea. How do you feel?” you said, perplexed by the lack of reaction she was displaying.

“Why would I feel anything?” she said.

“Because? Your best friend just told you that your little brother kissed her? Aren’t you mad?” you said.

“Not really,” she said. “I’m surprised it took him this long, honestly. Everyone knows he’s been in love with you for ages.”

“Everyone?” you said.

“Everyone,” she agreed. “Most of our friends, all of my family, both of your parents…he hasn’t really tried too hard to hide it. I’m pretty sure most of them think you like him, too, but I don’t want to make assumptions, which is why I’m asking you how you feel about it all.”

“How did I miss it?” you said. “I didn’t realize right up until — well, you know — that he liked me, let alone for so long.”

“Sometimes people only see what they think they see,” she said. “You thought Tabito would never like you, so that’s what you believed. But he could, and he did. Now what?”

“Now nothing!” you said. “What am I supposed to do, date him? That’s just wrong!”

“Why is it wrong?” she said. “By the way, I’m not all too invested in any particular outcome, just as long as you’re happy, so don’t think I’m trying to steer you towards any specific path. I just want you to be fully honest with yourself before you jump to making decisions about any of this.”

“Thanks,” you said. “Okay, well, first off, he’s your — you, as in my best friend — little brother.”

“Not yours, though,” she said.

“But as good as,” you said.

“I wouldn’t say so. You’ve never treated him like a sibling,” she said. “That’s not to say you don’t care about him, but it’s in a different way than a sister would.”

“He’s also younger than me,” you said.

“Yukimiya’s younger than I am, and we’re perfectly happy. Plus, you were the first to say that there weren’t any issues with that, so why’s it a problem now?” she said, raising an eyebrow at you.

“But that’s — that’s different! You met him only recently. I’ve known Tabito since we were little kids! Doesn’t that make it weird?” you said.

“People get married to their childhood friends all of the time. It’s not that unusual,” Yayoi said. “Is there anything else?”

“No, it’s just strange, that’s all!” you said. “You seriously don’t find it even a little odd?”

“I’ve had a lot longer to adjust to it than you have,” she said with a shrug, sipping on the soda she had ordered with her meal. “Let’s approach this in a different way. What about if you both were the same age, and you met later in life? In a university lecture or something. If that was the case, and he asked you out, would you say yes?”

“Absolutely,” you said without hesitation. “That was a stupid question. Who would say no? He’s smart, he’s good at pretty much everything, he’s sweet and funny and caring; additionally, from an objective standpoint, he’s incredibly attractive. I’d do everything I could to keep him if he happened to glance my way.”

“Even if he ended up being younger than you?” Yayoi said.

“Yes,” you said. “Yes, I — oh.”

She gave you a dull look. “Just so you know, that is not a sisterly way to view a guy.”

“I got that,” you said.

“Do you think maybe it’s possible that you’ve loved him too, almost the entire time?” she said. “Maybe even before you understood what it meant to love someone else? Back when sibling was the closest relationship to another kid that you, as an only child, could conceive of?”

“I guess that that — that’s definitely a possibility,” you said.

“It could be,” she said. “And then the notion of him being your ‘brother’ became so set in your mind that you couldn’t possibly think of him as anything else.”

“There’s a chance that that was what happened,” you said slowly. “But I don’t feel what I did for Aoyama when I look at Tabito. It’s something else entirely.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t love Tabito,” Yayoi said, flagging down the waiter so you could pay for your food. “It just means you didn’t love Aoyama, or didn’t love him as much. Considering which one is still in your life and which one you haven’t spoken to in years, it’s not unlikely.”

“What do I do now, then?” you said.

“What do you want to do?” she said as the two of you exited the restaurant. “I’ll be your friend no matter what. In the end, it’s up to you.”

“I don’t want to lose him,” you said, suddenly terrified. “I won’t survive if I do. Yayoi, I don’t…”

“You can’t,” she reassured you. “If you haven’t lost him yet, then I don’t think it’s possible for you to. But you know, then, right? What’s next?”

“I do,” you said, taking out your phone and picking up speed, veering in a different direction, turning over your shoulder to shout back at her. “Thank you, Yayoi!”

“Good luck!” she shouted back as you took off at a run, holding your phone up to your ear.

“Otoya,” you said breathlessly, as soon as he picked up. “Otoya, is Tabito there?”

“Uh, Y/N? Yeah, Karasu’s cooking dinner, why?” he said. “You good?”

“I’m coming over,” you said. “Make sure he doesn’t go anywhere, and buzz me in when I get there. This is me calling in that favor you owe me, so do a good fucking job at it, okay?”

“Sure, I can, but why don’t you just ask him to do it directly?” he said.

“I don’t think he’ll pick up if I call him at the moment,” you said.

“Trouble in paradise? This is why I don’t do the whole ‘commitment’ gig. Too many complications,” Otoya said with a scoff. “Fine, I’ll help you, but only because — like you said — I owe you one, and because I’m going to evacuate the apartment as soon as you get here so I’m not caught in the crossfire.”

“Thank you,” you said. “That’s perfect. You rock.”

“Yup, you got it. See you.”

The elevator took too long, so after waiting for thirty seconds, you gave up and went for the stairs, taking them two at a time until you reached the floor that Tabito and Otoya lived on. Then you knocked on the door, waiting with crossed arms until it swung open and revealed Otoya, dressed in a pair of rubber-ducky boxers and nothing more.

“Well, that’s my cue,” he said when he saw it was you.

“Where are you even going to go, dressed like that?” you said, momentarily distracted by the outfit, which was all but offensive to the eye. Otoya winked at you.

“There’s plenty of people in this complex that would welcome me dressed like this,” he said, walking out with a devilish grin. “I’ll go see one of them.”

“You have fun,” you said, unable to do anything but shake your head at the rakish response.

“I definitely will. You…do your best with Karasu. He’s been kinda down, so it’d be great if you could fix him right up again, because his pasta tastes shitty when he’s in a bad mood,” he said, saluting at you before vanishing into the closing elevator.

“Who was at the door?” Tabito said. He wore the pale green apron with white polka dots you had loaned him and never asked for back, and there was a wooden spoon in his right hand, which he used to stir a pot of sauce. “Hello? Otoya? Was it one of your exes again or something? Dude, you’ve gotta stop giving them our address, this is the third time this month that some girl has come to harass you.”

You were still for a moment, standing in the doorway, watching the muscles of his back tighten and then relax as he finished mixing the sauce, setting the spoon down on its stand and putting the lid back on the pot.

“Damn, silent treatment? Was it that bad? It’s your own fault, you dumbass,” he said. “It’s not like I tell you to bring them over. You do that all on your own, and these are the consequences you face as a result. Don’t blame me for it.”

What would you even tell him? He turned the stove to simmer, and you opened your mouth before closing it. You had no idea what to say. You had no idea what was even going on in your mind — you had left Yayoi with such an urgency that you hadn’t had the time to organize your thoughts as you would’ve liked to before such an important moment.

He turned around while untying his apron, his mouth curved into a sneer as he prepared to taunt who he must’ve thought was Otoya messing with him. Yet when he realized it was you, his face fell, as if just by standing there you had reprimanded him harshly.

“Y/N,” he said. You wondered how he could do it, how he could bear to still say your name with the same affection as always. Why hadn’t he left you? Why hadn’t he given up a long time ago? What had you ever done to be worthy of this kind of loyalty? What had you ever done to deserve a person like him?

A lump swelled in your throat, and the harder you tried to swallow it down, the more your eyesight prickled and blurred, until you could hardly see anything at all. For a second you were frozen, and then vaguely you were aware of him taking a step towards you and your inhibitions were lost entirely.

Crossing the expanse of the small kitchen and casting yourself into his embrace, you clung to his neck, crying in earnest when he held onto you as if by instinct, because the way he clutched your waist felt like coming home. He felt like coming home. He felt like butterflies in the spring and leaves in the fall and ice cream in the summer and storms in the winter and every other little thing from your life which you could only ever associate with him.

“I love you,” you said. “I’m sorry, I love you, I love you so much I didn’t even realize it but I do now, I do, and I can finally see that I love you more than anything or anyone, Tabito, so please still love me back, please—”

“Shh,” he murmured, one of his hands moving up and down your back. “Don’t cry. There’s no reason to cry. Y/N, Y/N, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.”

“I’m sorry,” you said again. “I was such a fool. I didn’t comprehend it, any of it, because I’ve loved you since before I understood what the word love meant.”

He kissed your forehead, your cheeks, the tip of your nose, over and over until your tears abated, and only then did he speak.

“I’ve loved you for longer,” he said. “I loved you before I even knew you.”

“And do you still?” you said.

“Yes,” he said. “I couldn’t stop so quickly.”

“Don’t ever stop,” you said. “But if you do, if you must, then keep it to yourself. I want to at least imagine that you’ll keep loving me for — for a long time.

“Oh, Y/N,” he said. “You don’t have to imagine that. I’ll love you forever if you want it.”

“I do,” you said. “I do want it.”

His lips ghosted along your temple as he smiled. Then, right before they fit against your own, he murmured: “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

Though you had neither reason nor proof, you found that, wholeheartedly and fully, with all that you were, you believed him.

#karasu x reader #karasu x y/n #karasu x you #karasu tabito #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock #reader insert #best friend’s brother au #best friend’s brother fic #m1ckeyb3rry writes

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breadnauppercrust · 1 year

Text

some designs i came up with for the girls in miraculous. the idea was 'what if they could have multiple outfits like sailor moon, as told by ginger, or totally spies?' and 'what if their clothes reflected their story arc?' however, i kind of gave up on them because i no longer have time to work on it as much as i would like to, so below this are copy+paste from my wip instagram account. lowkey its fanfiction-y lol

Alya:

Alya redesigns! tbh don’t know if they’re cohesive but 🤷‍♀️

S1: dresses for comfort & is geeky - think DrWho/Marvel/Tumblr. Obsessed w superheroes & has dedicated blog for each one, & that includes LB. Beginning of her & Maris friendship, starts to dates nino halfway s1.

S2: Mari influences her way of dress, still geeky but experimenting w clothes. Ladyblog becomes popular, interested in finding out her secret ID. Is also investigating akumas, HM, The Who/what/where/whys. Lowkey figures out who ladybug is but doesn’t say anything. Has been given fox miraculous at least a couple times.

S3: notices changes in Maris behavior & confronts her. Becomes fox miraculous holder full time, helps LB figure out who HM is & shares all the info she’s found. CN lowkey pushed to the side, causing friction, bc wrapped up w finding out who HM is ig. Constantly wears a Fanny pack now for trixx. Goes w comfortable but stylish clothes (ig lol idk) also at this point is BFF w Mari

Chloe:

S1: wears preppy designer brands to impress mom, despite living in diff countries. Basic mean girl, her only friends being Sabrina and Adrien - whose a childhood friend & lowkey helped him attend school. Both know how it feels to “lose” a parent & Adrien has seen a softer side of her. Probably has a crush on him ig. Maris bully, jealous of her talents at sewing & making friends easily, & prob her knit tight family.

S2: still preppy but w 60/70s inspo. Given bee miraculous a couple times, has resisted akumas - info she uses to help others later. Helping ppl & being somewhat nice makes her feel good & likes the appreciation from others+LB. Maybe Mom moves back to Paris w half sister, Zoe - might be significantly younger than Chloe idk. Didn’t like her at first but warms up to her as season goes on. Sees lil sister copying her & their mom, has an epiphany ig. Connects dots on akumas & feelings & tries to be better.

Should Zoe exist tho??? idk

S3: preppy but more casual. She’s nicer but still sarcastic, has made a few new friends, treating Sabrina better. Still trying to get moms approval tho & follows her around, even to fashion things w the Agreste. Notices Gabriel is acting strange, more distant towards Adrien, doesn’t notice what he’s doing or where he’s going. pt queen bee ig, probably given towards the very end of the season tbh by Adrien/CN after being ignored by LB bc of RR involvement w finding out HM id. AND noticing Chloe change significantly in the past several months (?) does Adrien reveal to her IDK he is still loyal to LB but eH

Mari:

1st Mari is shy, her outfits are safe & she kind of disappears in a crowd. She just became 🐞 & isn’t 💯 with her role yet. She’s designed and made her own clothes but doesn’t wear them outside of the house bc Chloe, oof

2nd she’s now comfortable being 🐞 & that boosts her confidence as Mari, she’s wearing more bold colors & outfits that she may or may not have designed herself 👀

3rd 🐞 is now the guardian of the miraculous box, has bigger responsibilities & problems to deal with. Being 🐞 has creeped into her daily life. Doesn’t have time to design/make clothes so wears w/e, but tries to appear happy.

Kagami:

i like the idea of kagami being prim and proper looking all preppy at the beginning, but after making friends she starts to rebel by modifying her school clothes w accessories but eventually wears w/e she wants w a punkish vibe. lowkey worried about falling into a trope so idk

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #chloe bourgeois #kagami tsurugi #alya cesaire

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yuri-is-online · 5 months

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Ace!Yutu when he sees his father being an idiot and claiming he doesn’t like the prefect that way:

I swear I love the angst potential of Yutu, and more because it depends on the version.

Imagine Riddle!Yutu waking up screaming from a bad nightmare and watching his previously dead parent right next to him.

Tumblr and I have beef, it deleted this ask and then magically re-found it AFTER I typed it out somewhere else. Anyway, I have a second ask about aceyuu Yutu mentioning him judging his dad because you know that Marcille face is what he is making 24/7. But since he is also Ace's son you know he has a little fun with it:

"I see I see." Yutu folds his hands together, index fingers standing tall in front of his lips as he nods in exaggerated agreement before shifting ever so slightly to look at Deuce. "So he really lives like this?" "Yeah he does." Cackles Deuce, Ace's eye twitches as he tries to decide who is more annoying, the new kid or Deuce. "I'll let you in on a secret, he thinks he's being subtle." "I think I'm being normal." Ace huffs, but new kid ignores him and nods sagely at Deuce. "Ah yes I see, like a brick." "Hey listen!" Ace hates how much more of a defense this new kid is making him run, why's he decided it is his business if he likes Yuu or not? "Unlike you two losers I actually have a relationship history-" "What, with a mirror?" Yutu's unimpressed look is so similar to Yuu's Ace swears his heart leaps right up into his throat. "Look I'm just saying it sounds like there was a break up in there somewhere." Never mind fuck this, who raised this kid?!?!

I try to have each Yutu be a bit different to help reflect how each character's reaction to him would be a bit different. That and I think different boys kids would be different even if they have similarities, Riddle! Yutu is withdrawn and angry while Ace! Yutu is more laid back and sarcastic, but they are still both Yutu.

And speaking of Riddle! Yutu:

He can taste the ink in his lungs through his struggle to breathe, the branch around his neck tightens at his audacity to try. He panics on instinct, screaming as the Phantom's scepter is pushed into his chest as it screams out a command "OFF WITH YOUR-"

You open the door with a bit more force than you intended, something about hearing Yutu scream out for one of his parents makes you feel awful, even more so when you finally see him. The poor boy has tied his sheets into knots with his thrashing, you silently thank the seven that you thought to set down the milk you had heated up before you shake him.

Calling out to them he tackles you with a surprising amount of force, holding onto you so tightly you can't help but hug him back. Fat tears roll down his cheeks as he shakes like a leaf and you do your best to keep him in his bed, but let him cling to you.

"It's just me." You pat his back and he freezes, but doesn't loosen his grip and you laugh slightly. He's got to be so embarrassed, better let him re-set before he has to look at your face. "Breathe in, now hold one, two-" You softly guide him through his breaths and relax alongside him as he calms. "That sounded like a bad one, are you sure you don't want me to loan you Grim? He's a real good snuggle buddy, promise."

"I think I'll pass." Yutu pulls back, but he still can't look at you, eyes instead going to the milk on his nightstand and rolling his eyes. "Really? I'm not a baby." But still he takes it and you let the insult go.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You hope he will, this is the third time this week he's had an episode and you really want to help. You think Yutu wants to, he looks at you now with a deeply strained look in his eyes that almost makes you think he is looking at a ghost.

"It's... not nothing." He had tried saying it was the first time you found him in the throws of one. "But I can't- I can't tell you." It's progress enough that he's willing to acknowledge it's a problem, you can't heal unless you accept that something is broken.

"I'll be here if you change your mind." You mean it to be kind, but it makes the ghost look worsen. Still, Yutu sort of smiles at you.

"I know and... thank you." He closes his eyes briefly to reset himself and remember. You're alive, that's enough for now.

"You want to play go fish?" More than enough.

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #future kid au #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle rosehearts x yuu #aceyuu #ace trapolla x reader #ace trapolla x yuu

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

Aita for secretly following my then best friend home?

(tw alcohol abuse, probably suicidal tendencies)

I know this sounds really awful right away but bear with me. Also this is probably going to get long, sorry in advance

tl;dr I followed a guy i was friends with and had a crush on home after an argument, even after he asked me not to come to his house, bc i was worried he might hurt himself.

Last summer I (20f) moved to the US for college. I didn’t know anyone outside of college and overall I was mostly on my own which was getting a bit lonely tbh. So I was very glad when I met this guy (21m) at a party of one of my acquaintances. We got along right away and he ended up giving me his number. After that we continued talking regularly and also meeting up every now and then and overall it was a lot of fun.

At some point I started developing feelings for him but prepared myself to just wait it out and not tell him bc I knew that he liked having a very active sex life and felt like he probably wouldn’t be interested in something serious at that time.

After a few months however, he began to behave in some ways that made me pretty worried honestly. I had known that he liked to go out and party but I hadn’t known to what extent. Apparently he would get totally blackout drunk at least once a week, sometimes more than that and then he would text me or call me in the middle of the night but often I genuinely couldn’t understand what he was saying. Sometimes he would just call me like that at any time of day, crying, saying that I was his only real friend, the only person he felt safe talking to and so on. On the one hand I knew that that wasn’t healthy behaviour at all but on the other hand my crush on him kept getting worse bc who doesn’t like to feel needed.

On other occasions, he would just randomly do reckless and stupid things like one time we went to a museum and he started arguing with the guard over not being able to take any pictures and we almost got kicked out. Afterwards he laughed it off but honestly it made me feel pretty uneasy. (I didn’t tell any of my other friends about that btw, they only knew that I was seeing this guy but wasn’t dating him.)

He has told me some things about his childhood which I don’t want to share here bc he did tell me that confidentially and although this is anonymous I still don’t feel comfortable telling random people on tumblr about it. But it is severe enough for me to believe that his upbringing and the things he lived through definitely contributed to the issues that he has now. I can say that he didn’t have a great time at home bc he is bi and while homosexuality isn’t illegal in his country, it isn’t really accepted either. Also it’s generally expected that children, especially boys, dedicate their entire life to having a successful and lucrative career and then start a family and he wasn’t really in the right place to do either of that (and he didn’t want to).

He also has been facing a lot of problems and racism here bc he is a poc immigrant from a country that isn’t in good standing with the US. So while I don’t pretend I know what he’s feeling, I imagine that all of these things would affect him quite a lot.

Now I actually get to the incident that is the reason for me to send this (it rly did get long TT but I want to make everything as clear as possible).

A few weeks ago we were just hanging out, it was all pretty chill and we just sat down to eat and talk etc. It had been quite a difficult week for me, also college wise, and I felt like I really had to talk to him about him calling me at night and while I’m in class and all that. So I said as nicely as I could smth like “I don’t want to seem overbearing but have you ever thought about maybe seeing a therapist bc I don’t think what you do is healthy in the long run and I’m not a professional who can properly help you.” He immediately got really snappy and defensive, saying that he “couldn’t fucking afford a therapist and even if I could, all they do is squeeze the money out of you and they don’t give a fuck about your feelings.” I was pretty shocked tbh and responded by saying “well if you really think this badly about therapists you should clearly see one” which was probably too harsh of me but I just couldn’t help myself at that moment. He then said “oh yeah?? I’d rather die than tell any of my shit to a total stranger. But you’ve probably already told yours bc you’re all so fucking dependant on them anyway.” and then he stormed off. (Just to be clear, I don’t have a therapist bc I don’t have any issues that require one.)

I was really scared at that point bc I thought that he might do something to himself (he had said stuff like “I wish I just wasn’t here sometimes” before) so I started following him which I now think was extremely weird and creepy of me but I just didn’t think it through in that situation. He walked for about 10 minutes to a house which I assumed was where he lived (I had never been at his place before bc he always said he lived in a bad neighborhood and didn’t want me to come there) and I stood outside for like another 10 minutes thinking abt what to do bc I realized that this had been totally stupid, also it started to get dark and it really was a bad neighborhood. I ended i up calling him and telling him where I was and he let me in. He was pretty angry but mostly at the fact that I had put myself in such a dangerous situation and he let me spend the night at his place.

We actually got together not long after that and as of now, we’re dating. I know it’s not an ideal situation and probably not the most healthy one but I have been able to keep him from drinking himself into oblivion all the time bc we spend most evenings together now so I think that’s a good thing. I don’t know where things will go from here and I don’t have the illusion that i can “fix him” or anything but so far it’s been pretty good and I really do love him a lot so I just hope it will all turn out for the best. I just still feel guilty for lowkey (or actually highkey) stalking him when he explicitly asked me not to come to his house but it was out of genuine worry for him so idk if it makes me an asshole, I guess I’ll let tumblr decide that for me.

🌃🎀🍨 for finding later

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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projectbluearcadia · 7 months

Text

I Am and Always Will Be

(Coping) Lucifer x GN!MC

[ Story Premise - Lucifer gets upset because you don't value yourself. ]

TW: SELF-HARM, SUICIDAL IDEATION

Note: The reason I have not marked this as mature is because everyone, including those who are underage, should know that they should seek help. If tumblr decides to give me a slap on the wrist for this, then so be it.

Wordcount: 1652

You don’t really remember how it first started.

A heartbreaking comment from a cherished friend, and suddenly you’re in the nearest bathroom with your hands on the sink. You look at yourself in the mirror, and all you can think is that there is something less than human staring back at you. Something cruel and hideous and malformed. You hate it. You hate it. You hate it so much that it makes your skin crawl. It makes your eyes water and your teeth clench.

You can’t escape it. You can’t run away. You can’t even scream, because what would be the point? You’d only attract attention to yourself in the most awkward place possible, where at least one person was trying to take a shit in peace. You can’t stand yourself. My personality is the problem. Every single time I try to make things work, it just turns to nothing. I overreact, and then it all falls apart. I’m so sick of myself.

You’re sick of it.

And that’s when you finally turn to it. To the only thing that stopped you from feeling like this, even temporarily. A blade, one that had broken free of your cheap shaving razor after you threw it one too many times. I want to see this horrid blood spill. I want it. I need it.

You drew a thin line. A thicker line. A deep line.

Your skin, already scarred in some places, was quickly smearing with blood. Drenched. The toilet flushes, and in hindsight, you vaguely realize that doing this in a public bathroom was a dreadful idea, and you leave, adrenaline pounding through your veins—

No one can know. No one should know. I don’t want them to know.

—Despite the fact that your blood is leaving a trail behind you, leaving you weaker and weaker with every step. It’s practically gushing from your wounds, and you start to sniffle. It doesn’t really hurt; no, the rush is still too strong. But for some reason, you can’t stop yourself from crying.

“Hey, someone spilled their Koolaid Ja… Holy SHIT!?” the person, likely from the bathroom screamed, and they fumbled at their phone as you ran further, further, further. “Why are you running away?! You’re bleeding!” Maybe I want to be bleeding, you have the time to think before a sudden bout of dizziness floods your brain. You collapse. You fall.

And fall.

<><><>

Surprisingly, you wake up. Funny; you wished you didn’t. Was this it? Was this your first (or was it second?) commitment to the hospital?

“Lucifer, they’re awake,” came a soft man’s voice, and no sooner had it come than was a man by your side. One with jet-black hair and tragically garnet eyes.

“MC,” he whispers, his hand caressing your cheek with shuddering fingers, and you find yourself realizing that was a dream. Or, rather, the reliving of how you came to live in the Devildom. You’ve been living here for months now, with Lucifer and his brothers in the House of Lamentation. You’ve been… enjoying living here. How could I wish that I wasn’t alive here?

“We took away their dagger,” Barbatos said gently as Lucifer shook, holding onto you. “They are okay.”

“MC, why did you do something like that?” Lucifer whispered, leaning his head into the pillow, right next to your head. His voice agonizingly shuddering, and your body wracks itself with guilt. “MC, MC, MC…” I should have finished the job so he wouldn’t have to feel like this.

“...I thought I hurt you,” you mumble. You expect him to yell, but the voice that comes from his mouth is soft and excruciatingly slow as he struggles not to sob.

“And you thought this would hurt me less?”

“Over time… yeah.”

“MC…” he whispers, and he sharply sniffles. It hurts to hear—the avatar of pride, breaking down and starting to cry because of you. Because of what you did. I should have eaten the rat poison. “How could you think that leaving a hole in my heart would hurt me less over time? What have I done to make you think that you’re not important to me? I haven’t been able to think for the past three days.”

“...I’m sorry.” You look away from his shoulder, shortly finding that Barbatos has quietly left so that you’re permitted privacy. “I just… I don’t know…” Your eyes prickle. “I-I just… I hate myself so much for what I put you through, and I… I can’t take it anymore.”

“And you think the best way to put me out of my misery is to rip out half my soul?” Lucifer gasps, and his tears hit your cheek as he finally brings his face up from the pillow to look at you. To show you the tears streaking down his pale, beautiful face. “Why didn’t you tell me anything? I already knew that you hurt yourself in the past, so why did you have to do it again, after all this time? What did I do to make you feel like that?”

“It’s not you…”

“It must be!” Lucifer retorts hoarsely, his hot tears splashing your forehead. “You’re supposed to be my partner, and I’m supposed to protect you! I couldn’t do that, so tell me why you couldn’t trust me! Please!”

“I…” Your voice is breaking up. From one hellish scene to another, you’re not sure how much your heart can take. “I’m sorry. I-I thought… I thought…you would hate me.” The mere thought sends your lacrimal glands into a frenzy as you realize he might hate you now. “I-I couldn’t bear to… lose someone else… so I…”

“Shhhh,” Lucifer hushes with anxious shudders, and he hugs you so tightly you wonder if he might be trying to break your ribcage. You can feel his ragged breathing, his racing pulse. You almost break into an incomprehensible mess right then and there, unable to speak a single word. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he murmurs, rocking you with him as you sniffle and try your damndest to get ahold of yourself. “I will always love you.”

“What if I kill one of your brothers?”

“You would never do that,” Lucifer murmurs, trying his hardest not to let his voice tremble.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. I know you, MC.”

“No, you don’t. There are parts of me you’ll never know. There are parts of me you shouldn’t know.”

“I want to know.”

You shake your head.

“You can’t just keep hiding everything. I hate it when you do. Don’t you think I’m strong enough of a person to talk to you when you want to kill yourself?”

“You don’t know what it’s like,” you whisper.

“That’s irrelevant,” he says, recovering some of his usual sternness as he sniffles. “I don’t need to know how exactly it feels. I just need to know that you’re in pain. I just need to know if there’s anything I can do, anything I can’t do. Please, MC, I can’t just watch. That’s the only thing I’m not strong enough to do. Just indulge my selfishness and just… just lean on me. I don’t care if I have to take the entire burden myself.”

“You’re already carrying too much…”

“Me?!” Lucifer growled as he pulled away from you. “I’m not the one in agony! It’s true that I’m stressed, and I usually have a lot on my plate. But it stresses me infinitely more that my own lover won’t tell me about their problems! How hard do I have to drill it into your head that you come first?!”

“...sorry.”

Lucifer sighs deeply and heavily before he leans his head against yours, his fingers nestling into your hair, massaging your scalp.

“Please… don’t ever do that again,” he murmurs. “If you’re scared of losing me, then don’t eliminate any possibility of ever seeing me again. I don’t know where you’ll go when you die, but it won’t be here.”

“I get it, and I’m sorry,” you mumble.

“Do you get it?”

“I get that you’re mad at me…”

“Did you listen to a damn word I said?!” Lucifer snaps, his voice breaking again, and you flinch in his arms before he squeezes you again. “I’m not angry with you. I’m upset and scared. Do you have any idea what it feels like to not be able to protect someone that matters to you? That the person you love doesn’t even think they’re worth protecting? That I can’t help you through the monstrosities that plague your mind?

You can’t find it in yourself to answer. It’s painful to try.

“I’m begging you, MC…promise me. Promise me you’ll help me help you. I could live knowing that you are happy even if it’s in the human world. All I want is for you to live a full, happy life. I know you, and I know that you deserve that.”

“Do I? I’ve done so many things…”

“I let my own sister die,” Lucifer replies somberly. “I brought Satan into the world, confused and angry. I didn’t know that the only reason Asmo thought I kept him around was because of his beauty. I let Levi feel inferior. I locked away Belphie when we could have just talked… there are so many things I’ve done wrong, before and after falling from Heaven, and I hated myself for it. But I was the only one who kept hating myself after Belphie forgave me, after Satan accepted me. Anger is brief, MC. I, and everyone else, care about you so much more than all of the bad things that might make up your mistakes in life. I am, and always will, feel that way. I am, and always will, be there for you. Even on the occasions where I am not physically there, I am still there for you.”

“Always?”

“Always. So promise me… okay?”

From the author: As fans of my work may have guessed, I have been on both sides of this conversation many times. Talking about it was the best thing I, and people I knew, ever did. And, believe it or not, Lucifer has genuinely comforted me in both scenarios. I hope to have imparted some of that onto the audience regardless of whether or not they are struggling with depression, self-harm, or suicidal urges. The storm may rage, but I believe that we can be stronger than it if we stop trying to weather it alone. Thank you for reading my two cents, and I hope that both I and you can spread life and love rather than hatred and death.

Obligatory Suicide Hotline Information

(Seriously, PLEASE CALL THESE IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING)

U.S. 988

Canada 833-456-4566

Australia 13114

U.K. 0800-689-5652

For other countries and counseling services that may be available in your country -> OpenCounseling

#obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x mc #please talk to people who care #obey me shall we date #fanfiction #obey me!#lucifer x mc #lucifer simp #comfort #reassurance #obey me angst #suicide #self care #lucifer x gn!mc #recovery #self acceptance #healing journey #coping #self compassion

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szalnyshko · 6 months

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(•Д•), Dunmeshi is over taking me!! [spoilers ahead!]

So, I’ve already finished the manga and I’m now waiting for the new episode but during the gap I’ve been consuming fandom content, as per use. Now, the character that I’ve been consuming the most fandom content is Laios cause he’s so jdjdjsjs, and this idea has been fluttering round my head because I’ve only seen THREE actual posts/works about this. Two being fics and one being a tumblr post.

The specific idea is a sibling swap, Falin and Laios, and I’m suffering from lack of content from it!! Only two fics and one tumblr post [ТдТ] One of the fics is Laios and making his desire to be to swap with Falin, and what he thinks will happen. The other is Falin going through the dungeon to save Laios and it’s specific the episode that’s coming out this Thursday, so chapter 27/28 in manga I think.

Like this concept really gets me going cause it changed the whole dynamic of how things would play out. Laios being there meant they met Senshi because Laios was interested in eating monsters. Falin, although she does have an interest, would not have that strong of an interest in eating monsters. I also feel she may not realise it’s hunger that caused them to fail because she was focused on protecting her brother and the party, literally letting herself get eaten to save her brother. She also would not have intimate knowledge of monsters so the party may have a harder time killing monsters.

I think Marcille and Chilchuck would still be in the party. Marcille doesn’t seem to have a deep connection with Laios at the start, with her clashing with Laios and his monster eating habits. Plus the prior encounter where she wanted to kill him for taking Falin away from magic school. This bond deepens between them as they go down the dungeon and she obviously cares for the rest of the party, feeling betrayed that Namari and Shuro [I keep forget your actual name] left. But I feel if it were Lauos to get eaten she wouldn’t be as motivated as she is with Falin [Lesbian icon!] because she doesn’t get to connect with him. This then brings into question, would she revive Laios and risk being jailed by the elves?

She probably would because it’s Falin who asked but there would be more hesitation. Especially with Chilchuck who is against it no matter what.

Talking about Chilchuck, I feel he would stay out of obligation. The same reason he stayed with Laios originally. I think his dynamic wouldn’t change that much but maybe he’d see Falin and Marcill closer to his daughters [?] or maybe he’d have a gripe cause of their relationship as we already know he doesn’t do inter party relationships.

Namari would still leave but I think Shuro would be more hesitant, his love for Falin possibly making him stay for a little bit.

Of course we have the problem with money and food but I think Falin has enough people skills to gather some things. But, because she lived with Laios for some time and heard about his monster fantasies, maybe she’d consider eating monsters. I feel people would be more likely to listen to her rather than Laios [sorry buddy] but still question it. However, Shuro did have a whole crew so maybe he’d help with that and we’d have a whole different crew dynamic.

Talking about that, I wonder how Kabru and his party would interact with Falin’s party. How’d the Namari reunion go? What would Falin’s desire be? How would the finale fight be? Would Laios have a cool chimera bod like Falin?

So many questions for my tiny brain….

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bronx-bomber87 · 8 months

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Happy Monday wonderful fandom :) This episode. It doesn’t need much of an intro. I remember just being so excited I couldn’t stand it ha (how I'll be in 36 days for the premiere) I had to wait an extra day cause I have Hulu and not live cable. This one is just amazing from start to finish. Once again did my best to get everything in within the limits of tumblr. 30 is just never enough especially in this season ha Off we go.

5x10 The List

Our babies get the cold open as they should this is basically their episode. They deserve the open and what a cold open it is. I can’t get over how much I love them both emptying out their closets. I wanna break this down with Tim first then Lucy. Our boy is SO SO nervous it’s so cute I cannot stand it. He wants to look good for Lucy and I wanna squee so hard at that. He’s trying so hard for her and my heart is gonna implode.

My fav for him personally was the black shirt cause god damn he looked delectable in it. But they’re all fine af on him. Man is a delicious treat we all get to enjoy with our eyes. The way he stretches out his arms each time trying to calm his nerves. It’s so cute. Loved them showing how very nervous they both were. Be still my heart.

Let’s move to Lucy. She of course is just as nervous as Tim. It’s precious. I also adore the nod to previous moments for them as she looks at her dresses. The ones from wonderful moments such as 4x12 and 4x18. Lucy looking at them and rolling her eyes. Having just as much of a struggle as Tim. Saw a good parallel between this and Bailey with her first date with John. Wanting to look hot but not too hot. Ha She nails that BTW When she finally lands on her final choice.

Tim is nervous and uncertain so what does he do? He calls Lucy. Because he doesn’t know what to wear to this. What does one wear when they’re in love with their best friend and going on their first date? So he defaults to calling his best friend about his problem. It just so happens he’s also going to be on a date with said best friend. hehe I love them so much I might die haha

Lucy sees Tim calling and immediately picks up. Makes me happy how open and honest they are right off the bat. Tim knows she isn’t ready because he isn’t ready. Just knows her so damn well. Lucy asking if he’s ready? The cute panic in his voice when he says ‘No!’ Oh my lord I cannot. Eric crushed that line. His panic continuing through asking her if this place has a dress code?

Lucy deciding messing with him is more fun than helping him. Saying he could wear cargo shorts if he wanted….Tim believing her for a moment. Then realizing what she’s doing. Calling her out for it. He is all smiles when he does though. My goodness this man is happy. So very nice to see. I love his Lucy smile it does things to me. Lucy rolls her eyes but is beaming just as much at his reply. This scene is them being love struck idiots and I’m here for it.

He couldn’t be cuter asking her what she’s wearing? Trying his best to match up. Lucy tells him she has a lot of outfits she knows she isn’t going to wear. LOL Tim reminding her about traffic is the most married thing. Doesn’t want her to be late. To their first date. Which is beyond adorable in itself. They’re both so excited I’m feeling their excitement as they get ready.

Lucy says it’s silly she knows. She just needs to make a decision. Then decides to go with the iconic green dress from 3x14. Tim knows exactly what dress that is when she mentions it. The man is legit beaming when she says that's her pick. Have we ever seen this man this happy? The answer is no LOL

He is so damn excited they’re doing this. Her picking the dress means it’s really happening. Lucy tells him it’s decided then looks in the mirror and says ‘No…’ I was rolling so hard. Melissa and Eric CRUSHED this scene. Hell this entire episode really. Cracks me up she changed her mind last minute but it’s a damn good change up as we will see below.

The awkwardness that is them begins at the restaurant. Talking about bread and the assortment being good. LMFAO What are you guys doing? It’s so funny to see Tim being so incredibly not smooth. He could not be more obvious in checking her out above. Man likes what he see’s and isn’t being subtle about it at all. Elevator gaze and no shame in the game as he does.

Lucy’s little shimmy. I’m dying. She’s very glad she decided to change from the green dress. As she should my god what a bombshell she is in that outfit. Holy hell. She nailed it. Shows off her body, plunging neckline, with the perfect necklace, and just enough cleavage she got Tim checking her out shamelessly.

Lucy came to play with this dress. She knew exactly what she was doing when she picked that whole outfit out. I think she’s very excited he’s checking her out. There’s a look of pride on her face above. Lucy knew she was driving him wild and was feeling pretty damn powerful in this moment. She has Tim Bradford panting after her. So she should be feeling as such. Well done my friend haha

Let's not over look Tim looking fine af too. I see you Tim. Mighty delicious. You know him looking hot as hell is part of Lucy's nerves as well. He dressed that way for her. So you know that's making her feel some things. They try and do some small talk and it’s quite painful tbh lmao. No one does awkward better than Eric and Melissa though. Talking about what they ordered for dinner. It's so awkward but I love it so much at the same time. Why you ask?

Because this means so much to the both of them. Neither of them want to mess it up or say the wrong thing. So they’re radiating nervous jitters. Which is adorable. Lucy answers his question that she ordered the sea bass. Tim continuing the small talk train replying he almost ordered the sea-bass.... Lucy’s reply ‘Oh, cool…’ Is it though? LOL I’m rolling at how stilted this whole conversation is. Not like them at all.

Lucy points out the awkwardness between them because she can’t not. Asking him why this is so weird? Poor Tim the panic and gulping he does when she says this. We see his eyes bulge a little too. He’s so worried she’s going to want to bail on this now. That she is regretting doing this at all. He wants this to work so badly. He’s afraid he’s messed this up already. My poor love. He is so nervous that it spills into his next comment. Awkward Tim is hilariously adorable.

He instantly regrets saying ‘Naked time.’ the minute it leaves his beautiful lips. You can see it written all over his face. Being as smooth as crunchy peanut butter my love... He has sex on the brain because of that outfit. Hence his comment. She looks so beautiful his brain is actually melting LOL Lucy is smiling so hard at his nervousness though. She loves her goober so much. Lucy knows how he is feeling what she is. So she doesn’t give him too much crap for the comment but her face and reply say it all for her haha

Lucy decides this is the time for them to have convo about expectations. I commend her for sharing this right away. It was good for her to set this boundary early on. These two are one massive boiling cauldron of UST ready to overflow. It was an important tone for her set for them. Lucy is just wanting them to date first. See what it is like to be a couple before entering into the physical part of this all. This really was a smart move on her part IMO.

We all love the sexy times and we get lots of it this season. But it was important they took their time like they did. Just like I was glad they didn’t get together in 5x01. I was glad they didn't rush this either. Delayed gratification is a beautiful thing. I LOVE how Tim is staring so lovingly at her as she says all this. That man would’ve done ANYTHING she wanted in this moment. Absolutely anything. He could not be more in love with her if he tried. Look at that man above as she speaks.

Looking like she hung the moon and stars. He would do whatever it is she wanted. Because he’s so gone for her. Lucy could’ve asked for the world and he would've delivered just simply because she asked. There is no hesitation or regret on his face. He is truly listening and wanting to do whatever she is comfortable with. Eric just crushing it out here with his facial expressions. He would give her whatever she wants whenever she wants it. That’s what his face is screaming to me In this moment. She has him hook, line and sinker.

Tim hears the back door open and looks up. Lucy sees the panic on his face and gives him crap for it. Asking if he’s worried someone from station will see them? Tim shrugs it off and says 'What are the chances? ' A fight breaks out in the kitchen and Lucy seems worried about it. Tim tries to play it off not wanting it to interrupt their date.

He just wants this date to go well so badly. Doesn’t want whatever this is to get in the way. Sadly it doesn’t go their way and the employees end up fighting and knife is drawn. Unfortunately the cops are called and their dinner is ruined. Lucy making the comment ‘What are the chances someone from the station walks in now?’ HA

They both look so sad and exasperated their date was ruined like this. All they wanted was to enjoy a meal together. Figure this whole thing out while they did so. AMAZING cold open for them though holy hell. Excellent way to open up this episode for them. Lots of goodness in it. I knew we were in for quite a ride from getting all that in the open alone.

The next morning they could not be more suspicious or obvious if they tried. Trying to figure out how to explain their presence in the police report. This whole scene is hilarious. It’s like they don’t know the entire station doesn’t suspect something to begin with…Trying so hard not to stand super close to each other while they figure this out. They’re so bad at hiding this it’s insane. So good at their jobs so very bad at this. I love Lucy just wanting to be open and honest about them. Chris had to drag every single moment out of her for months. Was like pulling teeth. Half a date with Tim she’s ready to shout it from the rooftops.

*sigh* I love this sfm. Tim warns her the dangers of them doing that this early on. He’s not wrong about Smitty LMFAO. It’s so true. Lucy’s brain kicks into gear saying could’ve been doing a UC OP. Tim getting excited by her brain. They start flirting while figuring this out. Their chemistry just coming off them in waves. The back and forth banter as they work out the details. The irony of them being all smiles and flirty while trying to hide their date. I cannot with these two dorks. Tim is beaming with love and pride by the time they’re done plotting.

Once again so bad at hiding your feelings and or relationship you two so bad…I saw a funny post saying this scene was a 'How to on not being good at hiding your secret relationship. ' LMAO YEP. John arriving and Lucy just going off about their OP without him even asking. I’m dying so much it’s hilarious. Tim going into protect Lucy mode when John is confused is everything. Telling Nolan decisively 'Nothing.' When he questions what they're talking about? Mmm tell him babe. Doesn’t want Nolan on their trail whatsoever. Good thing it was John though cause dude didn’t notice at all. He is a space cadet so they dodge a bullet.

They get called into Grey’s office for a heart attack basically. The way he starts off you think he is talking about them. The absolute panic on both of their faces. Especially Tim’s oh my lord. I love how Tim goes to reach out to comfort Lucy and has to stop himself. Now does Grey know at this point? I mean yeah probably.

I know lots of people think Grey was being a troll in this moment. Poking at them and knowing for sure when he had this talk with them. To gauge their reactions. I mean they are showing their cards like crazy in this scene. Their reactions alone are enough to solidify what I’m sure Grey suspects.

Luckily he says he’s just talking about Celia and Aaron. We watch them both relax and deflate their anxiety a bit. So happy Grey isn’t talking about them in this moment. He asks them if they’ll go and talk about this with them? Doesn’t want Celina to get off track in her rookie year. That Aaron is just out of long sleeves. They’re both so relieved they just say yes LMAO They would've agreed to anything to get out of his office at that point.

Tim holding the door for her my damn heart. Chivalry isn't dead with that man and I love it. There was a BTS post on how Eric wanted Tim to do that for her. Because well Tim Bradford and all that. It's just who he is. Of course he would hold the door for his girl. This next scene is pure married energy. Tim dreading having to have this conversation with Aaron. The last thing he wants to be doing but doesn't have a choice now that he's agreed HA

Lucy feeling it’s hypocritical if she tells Celina not to. Then realizes she can use Nolan to her advantage LMAO Smart woman being smart. Tim calls her out for cheating haha Or is she just being strategic Timothy? Lucy leaves him in the dust before he can pout any further with her. Tim being the exasperated husband as she walks away from him with her plan in place. Her 'Mmhmm.' as she leaves lol

We rejoin our beautiful couple on the sidelines of a hostage situation. One of the guys from Nyla’s bank robber situation has taken one. They’re all in a standoff waiting to see what they should do. Lucy commenting on the severity of the situation. Trying to make a light joke. Saying 'Remember when dating in secret was their biggest problem?' Love her using ‘Our’ it’s the little things.

Lucy asking him how his talk with Aaron went? Tim bringing up all the things that make their situation ‘problematic.’ To say the least. Yeah it sucks they have to face this stuff. But nothing worth having is ever easy. I love them forging forward despite this. Because as they decided in 5x08. They are worth the risk.

They needed time to figure this out despite the possible complications. So yeah there were potential problems but they were worth the risk of all those. They both knew it. It's why they didn’t bail at the first sign of possible issues. I just love it. It’s what makes 5x12 and the decision Tim makes so prominent and special.

They end up saving the woman who was taken hostage earlier. Unfortunately there is still two more on the run. Tim and Aaron get wind of them and end up in a parking structure. They make it to the top and don’t see them waiting for them. They push them to the very edge and leave them hanging. Literally. This is where Aaron becomes a damn icon. LOL

When Tim tells him to get out of the shop Aaron’s reply is the actual best. We all knew he suspected but this line of his confirms it. Also he’s not wrong…Lucy would kill him for letting Tim die. Kills me Aaron always telling it like it is to Tim. I love him so very much. He’s just saying what everyone is thinking. Being the mouth piece for the fandom once again. Tim doesn’t deny it but tells him to get out of the shop. LMFAO

They make it back to the station and Lucy is of course with Tim. Like a moth to a flame. Telling him she’s glad he didn’t die. Since he owes her for a re-do on their date. Tim being as sassy as can be in his reply. First off could they be any closer in this shot? Second the smirks and flirting are telling everyone in that bullpen what you’re trying so hard to hide you two lol my god. Tim is eating it up her wanting another date and it shows.

She is once again affectionately violent in her reply with Tim. He is all smiles when she says this too. The man is an open book of love for her. He couldn’t be happier with this banter going into their ‘second’ date. Anyone watching them can see something has changed but they're too lost in their own banter to notice that. Damn I love these two goobers so very much I might implode haha

Ahhhhh the Treats of Vietnam scene. I can’t get over how damn close these two are. It’s why that far away shot of them is my avatar. They are as close as two people can be in public sitting across from each other. She is basically sitting between his legs and I’m losing my mind about it everyone. Bouncing her leg against his. Legs for days and I'm ship drunk off this alone tbh. Also want to comment on how much I love the lighting in this scene.

The lights above them set this beautiful relaxed tone I adore so much. Tim making a slight joke thinking it's funny this where they ended up. Going from a super fancy romantic restaurant to a food truck. Saying he guesses this is their official first date. Lucy coming in hot with a curveball of an answer. Blowing his damn mind like only she can. Saying last night was for sure. Better story for the grandkids.

I love her face after she says this. Just gauging his reaction. No regrets whatsoever in saying this. This is the same Lucy Chen who couldn’t handle calling Chris her his GF. Legit panicked about it and fought him on it. Was one giant commitment issue with that boy. Half a date with Tim she’s thinking about grandkids with him. Lucy said she wanted to take it slow in the bedroom. She didn’t say anything about their life plans LOL *squee* She is so all in and this line screams that. Makes my shipper heart so damn happy.

Tim isn’t at all upset about her reply. This man was in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want any of that. Didn’t want any of his dreams. Now here comes Lucy Chen. Talking about grandkids on their second date. His face is pure joy. His dreams coming true with this woman next to him. He is beside himself with happiness. It’s written all over his face. Tim is giddy really. Lucy’s cute giggle afterwards I cannot. Her man making her laugh *heart clutch*

These two are gonna kill me with their cuteness. Give me diabetes from how sweet they are. Lord. Tim having cop eyes can’t help but see the idiot trying to break into a car. Says his frustration out loud. The last thing he wants is another interruption with his girl. Lucy is so lost in her date with Tim she doesn’t even see this guy. Which I love. She is so wrapped up in him her cop eyes are off. Not seeing this guy on her radar at all.

Tim doesn’t even get up from their spot. Just yells at the moron and shows his badge. Not wanting to do more than that. Lucy pointing out he’s just going to steal a car in another neighborhood. Which Tim could care less about tbh. The only thing that matters to him in this moment is her. It’s why this next line is so god damn romantic. We truly see how far Tim has come in this moment.

Why is this growth you ask? Because Tim ‘rules matters’ Bradford is picking his girl in this moment. She is more important than chasing some punk for breaking into a car. To touch back on an OTP line from S2. ‘Some things matter more.’ Lucy matters more in this moment to him. More than anything else and he’s letting her know that. Telling her in his own way she matters more to him.

I’m losing my ever loving mind at how romantic this is. I adore him declaring this and being the one to initiate their first real kiss. Lucy looks so in shock. Wondering if this is real life? Did Tim Bradford just pick her over arresting someone? Over the rules? He sure did and he would do it again. Nothing is going to stand in his way of being with her tonight.

Gah it’s the way he softly touches her hair and gently cups her face with his hand. Looking at her like she is the most precious thing in the world to him. Because she is. Let’s be honest she is. Lucy brought this man back to life in so many ways. There is nothing more important to him especially in this moment than her. Never be over her face when he touches her hair. Like she can't believe Tim is looking at her the way he is.

I adore Lucy smiling into this kiss. I’m sure she can’t believe her own luck right now. The man she loves, loves her right back and chose her in this moment. Over everything else he wanted to stay present in this moment with her. His hand on her face while the other is on her THIGH. Her thigh everyone. His love for her thighs continues on in this first real kiss. It was bouncing earlier against his. I'm sure he put it there partly to ground her during this kiss. Also because we all know he has a penchant for them hehe

I’ll never be over how tender and soft this kiss is. The complete opposite of the two they’ve shared before. Those were hot don’t get me wrong so very hot. But this one has a lovely tenderness to it that makes me giddy. The wind soft picking up her hair as they melt into one another. It’s the perfect first kiss. His hand in her hair, his other on her thigh, Lucy smiling dreamily into their kiss. I am a puddle.

It just shows it was never about the right restaurant or outfit. It was just about being together. This scene showing how at ease these two are with each other. That’s beautiful base of friendship they built over the years coming in clutch here. They just look at home with each other this entire scene. *dreamy sigh* Makes my soul happy.

If you didn't watch this scene million and one times when it premiered you're lying haha Hell I did it this time around. I remember losing my damn mind with this scene. Never be over how easily they went from friends to this. Every moment leading up to this is utter perfection. Beautiful start to something more.

~~~

Side notes -Non Chenford

Nolan’s conversation with Celina was so painfully awkward and hilarious I loved her reply to him asking about Aaron she crushed it.

Also Tim is sexy af figuring out how to get that woman out from her car like he did. Mmm love watching that man in the field. Delicious to say the least to watch him in action.

Aaron and Celina playing D & D 😂😂😂 made me laugh so hard. Aaron is SO embarrassed.

I forgot to thank you all last episode. Apologies thank you all who continue to support these reviews. I adore you all more than you will ever know. Your likes, comments and reblog are everything to me. Especially as I tackle these seminal moments in s5. I shall see you all in 5x11 :)

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rotten-corpses-blog · 1 year

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Slasher men with a southern reader

Hey! so something is up with my tumblr, I started writing someone's request, saved it to drafts and now its gone...

So I wrote this, because i'm a little southern girlie (Help i'm dying down here) If, you aren't southern, or are and don't have the same experience as me, that's ok. I'm writing this from what I delt with as a kid living in the Southern United States.

Characters: JD, Billy Loomis, Stu Matcher..... Content Warning: mentions of bigotry, and republicans, poverty and food insecurity mentions

JD is actually from Texas, so I don’t think he would really have a problem with any accents or anything of that nature.

Depending on where you are from in the south is also important, he understands Texas culture… not any other parts of the south. (yes there is different culture depending on where you are, some parts use different words and phrases than others, food is also different)

He would be understanding about family who have… different political opinions and all that.

He gets the poverty and food insecurity, because he saw that stuff traveling around from place to place.

Billy

Billy is from California, he grew up with none of the stuff you did so he’s not going to get it, he’s not an asshole, you just have to explain it.

He probably won’t understand any type of southern accent, even if you feel it’s mild, he still can’t understand you sometimes.

After awhile he will pick up on some of your speech patterns and start saying y’all and ain’t

If you grew up in poverty, he will kinda be weirded out. He’s a rich kid from California and has never experienced, or maybe ever saw poverty.

If your family is anything like mine, they will bitch and moan about him being from California. He doesn’t see it as a big deal, it’s not like they have to learn a new language.

He will be kinda shocked when he meets them. “Y/N… your uncle is crazy!” “No, he’s just like that, don’t worry Billy.”

Stu

If you thought Billy was bad, Stu is worse.

Not only will he not understand anything, he most likely grew up thinking all southern people were cowboys or farmers.

He grows to love southern food and will ask you to make him something almost everyday.

He’s even richer, so he seriously thought for a while that everyone had houses like his and designer clothes.

Again, he’s a Cali boy. You couldn’t pay him to set foot on a farm or anything like that. “Y/N, we pay people to do our yard work, That’s why it looks so good!”

He loves your conservative relatives, he thinks they are so funny. I mean, we all love a good conspiracy theory on and again.

#jason dean x reader #billy loomis fluff #stu macher smut #billy loomis #billy loomis x you #yandere billy loomis x reader #yandere billy loomis #billy loomis smut #billy loomis x reader

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aliahm · 1 year

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“When I’m not with you, think of you always”

Crowley x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: You wind up talking to Crowley about the unexpected reason you bought your new sunglasses.

Warnings: Mentions of crying and being overwhelmed

If there are any content warnings I left out, or I made any mistakes writing for a gender neutral reader, please let me know.

(Credit for the beautiful dividers used in this post goes to each of the creators here on tumblr. The images were found on google, and credit for each of them goes to the owners. The title is a lyric from, of course, “Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy” by Queen <3).

“Hey, love?”

You looked up from your laptop, towards the sound of Crowley’s voice, and saw him standing in the living room doorway.

“Hm?”

“Where’d you get these?”

Dangling from his fingers was a pair of sunglasses that somewhat resembled his own.

“Oh,” you responded, a bit reluctantly, “I bought them a few days ago. They’re for uh, going out”.

He turned the sunglasses over in his hands, observing them more closely. “We went to lunch yesterday and you didn’t wear them”.

You nodded, “Yeah, they’re only for when I’m not with you”.

“Well,” he scoffed, caught off guard by your response, “I suppose if we walked around wearing the same thing it’d get old soon enough”.

You smiled amusedly, and before you could stop yourself, you replied: “True, but that’s not the reason”.

“Then what’s the reason?”

“Damnit” you mentally cursed yourself for letting that slip.

Your eyes zeroed in on your sunglasses in his hands, and then started bouncing back and forth from yours to his, which were hanging from the neckline of his shirt.

“It’s not important.” you answered hesitantly.

“Honey-”

“You don’t believe me, right?”

“Not for a second”.

He walked over to the couch you were sitting on, and knelt behind it, as you turned around in your seat to fully face him.

“What’s going on?”

“It might sound kind of strange”.

“That’s alright,” he reassured you. “you know you can talk to me”.

You nodded, and told him:

“I bought them for when I’m not with you, because I don’t need them then”.

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“Cause you help me through it when I’m overwhelmed, but when you’re not there, all I can do is cry”.

“and you bought the sunglasses because you don’t want anybody to see you?”

You nodded again. “People don’t usually react well when I cry, but it happens so much. Even when I don’t want to cry, it happens, and I hate it”.

“Tears are nothing to be ashamed of,” he reminded you, “especially when you’re overwhelmed, and you have to put yourself first when that happens. It doesn’t matter what anyone else might think about you crying”.

“I know that,” you agreed, “but still, you’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like it’s okay to cry at all. When you’re not around, I go back to trying to hide it, cause it’s all I know how to do”.

“Sometimes I wish I could be there all the time.” He told you, a thoughtful frown crossing his face. “Makes me feel better to know I’m right there if you need me”.

“I know,” you replied, squeezing his hand, “but I won’t ask that of you. We both know I can handle myself, I’m just trying to figure out how to do that”.

“You’re not some problem to be “handled”, baby. You’re a person with feelings, and you already do a damn good job at handling those feelings every day, even when it’s difficult”.

A grateful smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and he continued:

“Even so, neither of us can control peoples’ reactions to what we do, and we both know I wouldn’t react well if anyone decided to judge you for crying”.

He nodded towards your sunglasses.

“If these help you when I’m not around, then good, but if ever they’re not enough, then you come to me, or just say the word and I’ll come to you, no matter where or when”.

“I promise I will”.

“Good”.

He smiled and pressed his lips to your forehead, and you smiled along with him, an idea suddenly entering your mind.

“Wanna see me try the sunglasses on?”

Crowley laughed, and gently ran his fingers through your hair. “Go for it, sweetheart”.

#good omens crowley x reader #good omens crowley fanfiction #crowley x reader #anthony crowley x reader #good omens crowley x gender neutral reader #crowley x gender neutral reader #anthony crowley x gender neutral reader

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littleroaes · 1 year

Text

Boys In Cat’s Clothing, l.jy

pt.2

Y/n yearns for a place outside her secluded routines. So when college comes around, she gets the opportunity to go to Seoul. She becomes a stranger in this vast city and behind the job, she meets a creature without capability of her own language. Without realizing it, Y/n stands in the living room, saving magic from impending on itself.(or; Y/n finds a cute cat and takes him home, suddenly there’s a handsome man on her couch)

PAIRING ⏵ ( 3rd pov, she/ her ) lee juyeon x fem!reader

GENRES ⏵ FLUFF, light angst, a sprinkle of fantasy(cat shapeshifter!juyeon), strangers to lovers au, pining, (light)suggestive

WARNINGS ⏵ swearing(one time), clumsy scene where Juyeon accidentally cuts himself, one argument between Y/n and another character, slightly suggestive(one mature scene)

WORD COUNT ⏵ 11.9 k

AUTHOR’S NOTE FINALLY!!! I just proofread it one time, so i probably missed something. This is also my first fic on tumblr so hopefully the layout and all turned out fine. I’ve been a kpop fanfic writer for a couple of years, but this is the start of my tbz writer journey. Please, enjoy a wholesome, fun, easy read!

AT SOME POINT Y/N UNDERSTOOD HER LIFE WAS QUITE SECLUDED.

That her routine of going five minutes to school with eighteen kids and staying up until the moon covered for the sun. Because she knew everyone in town wasn't the usual. Of course she felt lucky to have that life. There’s a sort of feeling in daily life that sets you free when you don’t need to be afraid to go out. And even if she would’ve been afraid to go out, either her mother or father go with her. Heck, even her grandparents live just down some streets.

But beyond her tightly knitted space of freedom, she wonders what exists outside. Every summer when she goes down to swim, she meets the same lifeguard that saw her take her first steps into the water. And apparently y/n isn’t the only one he has followed through their childhood. He was born at the nearest hospital and has then lived his entire life here. The lifeguard is a sweet guy, but last summer y/n confessed to her friend; “What if I also end up living here forever?” She knitted her eyebrows and turned so her chin met the warm stone. “What do you mean, you don’t like this place?” Y/n turned to her and the setting sun covered their humid skin. “No, I don’t mean that, I just…”

Their conversation didn’t go much further than that. She understood y/n was feeling rather blue so she took her to her house for home cooked food. Y/n didn’t bring it up again, she hasn’t asked but clearly she could spend her entire life and more in this place. So she faced the sea for herself, and dreamt of a place far away, and now she’s here. Despite her very worried parents and not outstanding academic experience, she got into a university in Seoul and with her parents help bought a tight studio apartment. Her room was far from empty when she left for the train, so it’s definitely not the last time she has her feet on this land. Even now, she thinks about their melancholic expressions as they wave her off. Realization that their little girl is about to take on the world on her own.

The first step out of the train was rather overwhelming. Seoul was overcrowded and she could feel the skins of people brushing up against her own as she struggled her way out of the train station. But even when experiencing suffocation at every corner, she somehow falls in love with it. Her new life opens up in all directions and even though her apartment is smaller than her room back home, she has never felt a freedom like it.

She got herself a part time job at a restaurant to spend her time on the weekends. As much as she would have loved to tour Seoul with a girl friend by her side, she doesn’t expect much social interactions on her part. That’s a problem she faced before deciding to go to Seoul and still haunts her when she comes home from the restaurant. When balancing five plates and talking with at least one person every second, your thoughts kind of goes silent. But between her four walls in her bed and the only sound coming from the open window in the heating season, the loneliness eats her up from the inside.

It’s Saturday night and the place is about to close. Y/n cleans the last table and her colleague comes up to her.

“Finally done, I might fall asleep before I get home.” He says and stretches. Y/n continues sweeping the table while nodding.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Hey, Y/n!” A voice comes from the kitchen and she looks back. “Can you take this out for me?” She holds a big plastic bag in her right hand and Y/n goes to her and takes it.

“Thanks!”

“No worries.”

There’s no light as she steps out of the backroom and opens the door to the outside. A slight breeze hits her when the moonlight shines over the depressing garbage area. As if the moon watches her every move, Y/n stops at the staircase and lets the door close shut behind her. As weird as it was, she has this strange feeling in her stomach. A yearning for her past life. The place she died to escape from seems so much easier than her current one out on the staircase. Back home, she knew everyone and everyone knew her, it has always been that way. But in the overcrowded city, she stands skin to skin with strangers and a simple greeting will not take you far.

A rattle from the garbage container snaps her out of thought and she looks down to her right. The plastic texture moves around and Y/n tilts herself closer. The last thing she needs is some sort of parasite-sickness, so she grabs the plastic tighter to get ready to crush whatever creature jumps out. With a last loud struggle something actually does come out between the black plastic. A yellow cat. Y/n instantly notices the collar on its neck and lets the bag fall to the ground. While inspecting it, she notices hairless spots under the necklace and the extremely thin silhouette coming up from the bin. Without much thought, Y/n reaches out her hand to it. She jumps back as the cat the same second shows its teeth and jumps off the container and hides behind the fence further away. Sorry, Y/n thinks for herself and finally throws the bag. Before walking in again, she looks behind her shoulder. The frail figure of the soft creature caused her to stay a bit longer. The shining plate on his neck indicates that he has a home, but the hairless spots and irritated skin says otherwise. Y/n bites her lip before turning back to the door and closing it.

Her colleagues are done with the closing.

“Do you lock, Y/n?” He asks her at the door. Y/n nods while pursuing her lips and he gives her a thumbs up. When the bell goes off with the door, Y/n takes two deep plates and fills one of them with water. Rummaging through the cupboards, she finds a depressing pack of white bread. She stares with big eyes at the plastic packaging. Will she somehow kill the cat if he eats this? She thinks for herself. With her left hand she scratches her scalp and then takes the bread. With a light grip she separates the slice in small pieces and walks back out to the garbage area.

On her next shift, the plate out on the concrete was certainly empty, but she couldn’t be sure if it actually was the yellow haired cat or the seagull family on the rooftop. Either way, Y/n couldn’t help but feel sympathy for it. So she has built a new routine to hide away a small portion of the customers leftovers. So on a green paper plate before night comes and Y/n gets the task of throwing the garbage, she puts the plate about a meter away from the container.

Her new routine seems to bring comfort in her young adult life. She finds herself looking out the kitchen opening to see if the cat comes along. But Y/n always end up needing to close the restaurant before the cat visits the plate. Two weeks pass from their meeting, but life seems to move on without any new cross in paths. For each shift, her excitement over him vanishes, the only thing left is the fact that the plate is empty every time she comes back.

On a Friday, some hours after lunch, Y/n throws on her waitress outfit and stands quietly in the kitchen to listen to the group meeting. Her colleagues spew words that barely form meaning to her and she notices how they laugh and she quietly does the same. Her nail on her long finger is cracked and ready to fall off from how much she bends and flips it. Eventually the meeting is over and they get ready for opening.

Y/n quickly runs out to the garbage area. She opens the door and bends down to pick up the plate. As she looks up to stand again, two eyes meet hers some meter away. Beside the fence slightly covered by the ventilation box sits a small yellow cat. Y/n freezes as it may get scared and run away, but to her surprise it's still there. With big brown eyes the cat watches her standing up slowly. They never break the contact as she takes a step back. What does the creature before her think right now? Somehow she reads those eyes as curious and innocent. To be completely honest, Y/n doesn’t want to go running back between tables at the moment(she never does), but duty calls and she eventually closes the door behind her.

About once every hour she looks out the kitchen opening to see if it’s still there. During the first hours, the cat actually sat in the same place looking at the door where she had left. But as evening came around, the cat seemed to have lost interest and walked its way. She’s definitely disappointed and a bit surprised over how happy she was during those few hours. Fishing up the best leftovers and eagerly watches seconds move closer to the end of her shift.

The summer night has set and Y/n walks out to leave the trash and plate. When her right hand hovers above ground, she hears a clean, light chime. And once again, the yellow silhouette stands before her. It must have jumped over the fence. The creature stands closer this time and watches her and the plate intensely. The pupils are even bigger at night time and the yellow fur seems to reflect the moonlight. With it so close, she can actually read the silver plate on his collar.

Juyeon, just Juyeon.

“Hi, Juyeon.” She quietly whispers and the ears move up with her voice. Her expression radiates fondness as her eyes soften and lips curve into a crescent. “I guess you're a ‘him’.”

As it’s still one and a half meter between them two, Y/n place it down in front of her before pushing it to him. She wonders if he’ll feel comfortable eating when she’s watching or if it’s better to leave him alone. But without standing up, Juyeon starts eating off the leftovers. Her arms hug her legs in the kneeling position and her head tilts on her knees. Somehow, this scene before her feels incredibly comforting. It’s with the realization that this is her first interaction without pressure of fitting in since she left home. It feels stupid, but the loneliness she's been piling up like bricks, falls just in this instant. Maybe it’s full of sadness or she’s about to have her period soon, but a single tear breaks free from her eyes. The fond smile is now gone and tears roll down in silence as she watches Juyeon eating comfortably.

The world looks rather blurry now, but she catches how Juyeon looks up from his plate. His small head tilts to its side. A cat can’t understand feelings like a human does, but something tells her by the way his eyes stare into her figure and how he slowly walks forward to brush his body against her legs, that he feels her sadness. Even though she understands he can’t gripe why there’s tears running, she appreciates the fact that he does notice.

“I’m okay…” She sniffles quietly.

The single fact that a heart is beating so closely to hers, though not human, makes her feel just a bit less miserable. Y/n sniffles quietly and wipes away the tears with her wrists. With clear vision, the distance has shortened and they’re now body against body. Having him so close, she notices the red bruises between his light furr. Y/n frowns a bit as he takes another sway around her legs. It could be her imagining things, but feels as if there’s more bruises than the first time she saw him. To be fair, he’s very small, very skinny, and very fragile. It probably doesn’t take much to accidentally make ugly marks.

“Are you okay?” Y/n asks and looks deeply into the eyes of her new found friend. Not expecting an answer, she does get a ‘meow’ back. Which, she can’t help but smile at. One hand that comforted her legs is now placed on Juyeons head. The second her skin touches his forehead he nuzzles back in and lets out something that sounds like satisfaction.

“It’s okay…” She whispers, “We’ll be okay.”

Y/n expected Juyeon to move on with time. That sooner or later the color of his fur would be a vague picture she would keep for herself. On nights at 23:45, she would look between her ceiling and windows, wondering where he was, or if he even was real. But the world never fails to show her the most unexpected sides of life.

Every time she opens the door to the garbage area, he would sit there, looking up at her with big eyes. While looking into them, she wonders how much time he has spent there waiting. All those moments of picking up and putting down the same plate, she stays a second or two. Quietly wonders if she means to him what he means to her.

Clearly you’re a different kind than me, but I do find myself feeling comfort around you. In this city, I’m quite lonely. When my past life seems so far, you’re the only one that brings even a smallest bit of joy.

Does he feel that way too? She thinks. Or is the creature with tall ears even capable of emotions like hers? When sitting on the small elevated steps to the door, she quietly watches juyeon eat. At those moments, she truly hopes their relationship is based on something stronger than food.

But on a Saturday evening under the moonlight, her yellow haired friend seems to have vanished from earth. For every shift since that first day, juyeon has been waiting for her beside the fence. Sneaking out upon hearing her specific way of walking. But right now, she stands alone with the green plate. Y/n in silence looks behind every box and bin, trapping air in corners, but there’s nothing alive beside herself on this porch.

She stands still and tries to deny the saddened fact. The green plate now stands on the same spot it usually does. Y/n doesn’t turn her back just yet, instead she takes a seat on the elevated concrete and holds her hands in her lap. The scene is motionless, but for some reason she keeps looking. As she sits there, she wonders where he has gone. Breaking such a consistent pattern could be a warning sign, but at the same time, he could’ve just been bored. After all, the food was the golden lining between them, though she felt as if it was more than just food that connected them in this city.

When she takes power to walk off and close for the day, she hears a cry from the other side of the fence. It’s pitched like a child, but the last part makes it certain what made it. Thereafter, continuous struggles and rapid sounds of air getting cut follows. A voice from a person loudly complaining and screaming at someone. Y/n stands in the same position as when she was about to walk away. She looks between the gap of where the fence ends and sky starts, wishing for it to tell what goes on behind. The cold summer breeze seems to go right through her and takes her breath away with it. The countless scenarios that go through her head and they all end up with Juyeon blood stained and broken. Y/n makes no hesitation and runs to the door to get out of the restaurant.

On the sidewalk outside her job, she runs around the complex to find an opening. Doing about two turns around the cluster, she stands before the driveway up to one of the buildings. Y/n watches a woman with an empty bottle, swinging and kicking against Juyeon. Her door is open and she has nothing more than socks on. Her voice is filled with rage and cracks that only a broken heart can do. It’s impossible to make out sentences as she spits and trips by each word. Juyeon is tightly cramped between the wall, and for every step she takes closer to him. His figure seems to be getting smaller. Not moving any closer, she shouts.

“Please, stop!”

The lady hesitates from kicking again and looks over to Y/ns side. The woman starts with unstable steps, comes closer to Y/n and she backs away.

“What do you think you’re doing, lady!”

Y/n brings her hands closer to her chest and stares into the woman's eyes, “Please, don’t hurt him.” She repeats.

“It’s my fucking cat, mind your own business!”

“No.”

The bottle in the woman's right hand could come crashing down on her at any moment. And Y/n stares into her red filled eyes but nothing beside misery looks back at her. The person in front of her is not a person, just a shell of who she once was.

Y/n clutches her fists and pushes her body forward, “I said, don’t hurt him!”

Their faces are centimeters apart. She basically tastes the lingering alcohol from her. After a few moments of silence the woman lets out a frustrated sound and throws the bottle right onto the concrete. A loud shatter echoes on the driveway and green flakes splatter against the corners. A few hit her bare legs. But right after, the woman goes her way, ignoring the cat and shuts the door. The area around basically shakes with it and she hears a twist of the lock on the other side.

Y/n still looks at the same spot, left in the same position. Warm liquid paints streaks from her upper calf to her heel and her rigid breath can’t seem to slow down. But a smooth feeling across her lower legs takes her out of it. Y/n looks down to see Juyeon lovingly pushing his face against her bruised legs.

Y/n breathes out and bends down slowly, “I’m sorry.” She strokes his fur and pulls him tightly to her. Now she falls onto the concrete and sits with a glass splitter around her, but he’s safely placed between her arms. As her hand feels spots without fur on his body, she realizes where they came from.

“You’re safe now, Juyeon. No one can hurt you.”

The evening ended long before she sat up from the concrete floor outside the woman's door. Decisions have never come easily to her, so she waited for a sign. But Earth continued spinning and she looked down in her lap. Her arms caged him tightly to her body, but for a moment she let them loose. He was free to go. The streetlights showed him the path away from this place, but he sat relaxed between her legs.

Getting under fire for theft was the last thing she needed. But Y/n left the driveway with Juyeon in her arms, hugging him to her chest. And now, she quietly walks up the stairs to her apartment, whispering to god not to let Juyeon utter a sound. And for her fortune, she closes the door and the four walls surround them both. When usually coming home from work, the room looked rather gray with dark spots on her furniture. The single chair in the corner told her that no one else was expected. But tonight, this space seems warmer and the moonlight illuminates the hidden corners and soft fabrics.

Y/n looks down towards Juyeon. She sees his head observing the dimensions of her room. Does he like it, Y/n thinks for herself as she lets him down onto the carpet. He taps on the carpet a few times before taking a few steps on it and goes to her plant under the window. He sits down to pull the leaf down with his paw, just for it to jump back up. After he lost interest in that he jumped up on her bed, staring and sniffing at her stuffed animals. The fake seal beams towards Juyeon and he confusingly pats its face. Y/n still stands at the entrance and watches with a small curve on her lips his curiosity. It’s something very healing about watching him like this.

Y/n got ready for bed as Juyeon went on an exploration around the room. She felt a bit bad having him in a closed off area, but for the time being, Juyeon seems to find a lot of new things. As she walks out of the bathroom, she finds him curled up in the two person sofa. His yellow fur blends together with the beige fabric of the furniture and the light from her lamp paints him lovingly. Watching him like this, she realizes it’s a lot of things to fix if he will live here. She sighs and walks over to him. Despite being very attached to Juyeon, her current life will not handle another living being in her house. So she’ll eventually find a new home for him.

Y/n turns back around, walking away from the sofa and to her drawer. Juyeon seems to notice the sudden change in behavior and looks up. Y/n digs deep in between her clothes and lets out her breath with the stop of movements. She comes back to the sofa and Juyeon curiously watches the thin fabric in her hands. Y/n takes off his orange collar and lays it on the coffee table.

“You’re mine now, right?” She whispers and ties a yellow ribbon in the spot the collar sat. By adjusting it, the bow sits now at his front. Y/n looks down at him with fond eyes and laughs quietly.

“Why are you so pretty?” She pats his head before taking out a hair tie with a matching ribbon attached to it. She puts her hair up in a half up-do before turning her head slightly for Juyeon to see.

“Now, we’re matching. Cute, right?”

It’s hard to say if he understands her implications, but either way he does meow. Even sits up and brushes his head against her stomach. Again, for her own sake, she imagines him being very excited over their matching accessories. With light hands she cups his face and reaches down to his forehead. With a simple kiss she says goodbye for the night and walks to her bed.

While the sun covers the walls and showers her plant, Y/n rubs her eyes before sitting up. Outside the glass, the Seoul horizon folds out in full view. There’s small circles of water on the surface and she feels an urge to go out and smell the city after rain. It’s Saturday, no one tells you what to do on Saturdays so she finds it is an amazing opportunity to go and buy some stuff for Juyeon. As per automatic, she turns to the sofa where she left him last night. Her smile drops nearly instantly and she pulls her covers closer. Where it should be a fluffy, yellow figure stuffed between her pillows. It instead lays a full person with their back facing her.

Y/n sits there for some time, just staring at the stranger thinking they’ll disappear. Time moves and they haven’t faded from view. Are they dead, she thinks worryingly. Y/n finally takes off the covers and cautiously takes a step closer to the stranger. On her way she takes the lamp from the coffee table and takes out her phone, ready to just press one button for an emergency to come running.

Being just a few centimeters away, she pulls her face closer to the silhouette. Finally revealing their identity, she meets a calm face with their eyes closed. It’s a guy that she would guess grew up with the same TV shows as her and an appearance that looks too good to be a thief. She has a hard time imagining the man on her couch breaking up her window and taking a place on her couch. Is he crashing Juyeon while sleeping? Y/n thinks and tries to catch a piece of fur under his body.

A single detail pulls her out of it though. The guy has a yellow, silk ribbon tied loosely around his neck. The bow is perfectly placed under his chin and he looks very peaceful and innocent. With no trace of Juyeon anywhere, Y/n feels her mind wandering to places only in tv shows and she needs to look away from the couch.

She stares at him again. Y/n puts the lamp back on the table and clicks her way out from the 911 number. The stranger doesn’t seem like an intruder, but she’s still suspicious of waking him up. It doesn’t take much more than though, since he opens his eyes slowly. Y/n backs away and reaches out for the lamp again as the stranger lifts his arms up and yawns slightly. Y/n points the lamp right at him and he simply looks at her. His big brown eyes clearly remind her of Juyeon and the way he sits so timidly and looks up at her, like he’s asking what he should do.

“Who are you?” Y/n asks confused. The man tilts his head and stays like that for a few seconds. He inspects every movement of her face as if waiting for her to change. He then finally smiles.

“You’ve already forgotten me?”

Y/n squints at him. While he sits with crossed legs on her couch, she looks down at his ribbon. She closes her eyes tightly, feeling the urge to physically swift her arms around the room. Her eyelids stay closed as her mind once again spirals in what the hell happened this night. Somehow this is worse than waking up from a drunk night, wondering what scene you caused.

“Are you more comfortable with me in my cat form?” Y/n opens her eyes and lets the lamp fall beside her hip. His smile is now gone, but head is still tilted. He pouts a bit and twiddles with his fingers while looking down at them.

“You seemed more comfortable…”

Y/n now stands straight up and scratches the back of her neck. Her eyes move between the floor and the man in front of her. The apartment feels rather claustrophobic at the moment. There’s too much thought for this space and she looks out the window in hope for some of them to go. Y/n sighs and slowly walks over to the sofa. He feels the weight of the sofa shift a bit and he peeks up between his fringe. As their eyes meet once again, Y/n looks away and pokes at the lamp in her lap.

“So…” She nods with pursed lips, “...you’re Juyeon.” It comes out rather strained and hard. He simply nods while still peeking up and Y/n gives one back. Juyeon still pouts. There’s a bothering point that itches on his recent happiness. It makes him want to run away and hide under the table.

“I’m sorry, I can switch back to my cat form. I didn’t know it would happen.” He says quietly and Y/n side eyes him and at this point, he’s not looking at her anymore. Juyeon fiddles with the ribbon and she jumps a bit closer.

“Don’t say sorry, you can stay…” Y/n awkwardly uses her arms to point on his human figure, “...like that. It’s just-” She sighs and scratches her neck again. Juyeon looks up again.

“I didn’t know you could do that.”

Juyeon inspects his own skin. He spreads his hands in front of him and leans back, “I didn’t know I could do it either…” He puts his right hand just a centimeter away from his face. Y/n inspect quietly as he continues putting every feature of his body up close. The way he keeps his eyes from closing just to watch each piece of his skin. When he actually blinks, it nearly looks like he’s afraid he’d missed something, as if his body would pull something unexpected when he wasn’t watching.

“...I never thought I could change again.”

Y/n tilts her head, “You could change before?”

Juyeon nods.

Having a fantastical creature on her sofa would rather intimidate her. Thinking of herself from an outsider perspective, why isn’t she driving Juyeon out of her apartment? Who knows what other mystical tricks he is capable of. But instead she tries to lean her mind somehow closer to his. What does this creature think? What more has he experienced? Is there a glitch in evolution? Worse, did his ancestors fuck cats? At this point her mind starts spirling, so much that Y/n hasn’t noticed herself physically coming closer to him.

Juyeon tenses up and leans towards the armrest. He feels quite naked, a bit vulnerable by her very obvious intrigue by him. Juyeons cheeks are stained pink and he scratches his leg and looks around the apartment.

As he moves in his seat, Y/n realizes their closeness and she immediately backs off and sits up. While standing she tries to remember her usual routines. In the mess she has woken up to, maybe she can find some comfort in her normal life.

“I’ll make u-us?” She hesitates, “..some food?” Sounds like a question, but she wants nothing less than an answer from whaterver’s behind her. So Y/n starts walking to the small kitchen area. While reaching for the yogurt she feels a sudden warmth behind her. Y/n peeks behind her shoulder and Juyeon inspects the inside of her fridge. She makes up such a detailed and intricate plan for breakfast it might get a place in an art museum, and she still feels his very presence move intact to hers.

At first it feels like Juyeon just follows her because there’s nothing better to do, but when she starts cutting up the vegetables, he leans in closer. At this point he has his head on her shoulder and Y/n nearly focuses more on keeping her shoulders still than actually cutting correctly.

By the left side of her view, a single finger moves closer to the tomato and silver knife. Y/n stops cutting and holds the knife away from his finger. The tomato leaks seeds and transparent juice, the knife is decorated with a spectrum of color after the cutting. A slight excitement and sudden spark within Juyeon takes him to poke the stuff on the counter. Y/n somehow takes an interest in his natural curiosity and lets him explore the cutting board, but soon he takes his finger on the knife blade.

“No!” Her hands form a grip on his wrists and bring it to herself, but on closer inspection and the whimper from Juyeon, there’s already forming a thin red streak.

“Juyeon.” Y/n sighs slightly and takes him to the bathroom. Still holding his arm, Juyeon drags his feet in her direction. The variation of boxes and bottles over the sink, he tries to remember them all before she shuts it. In her hand, she has a bandaid, but the man before her won't make it easy for her to put it on. As Y/n peels away the plastic Juyeon quietly pokes the sticky side of the bandaid with his finger and picks it up.

“I-give it back Juyeon, you need it.” Y/n reaches for it and Juyeon obediently listens to her by shaking his finger to get it off.

Y/n catches it before it lands on the carpet. She reaches out for his hand again and wraps it neatly around his finger. Juyeon’s quiet, but she realizes you don’t have to spend that long of a time with him to predict what he’ll do next.

“Don’t touch it.” As his eyes meet her stern ones, Juyeon slowly lets his hand fall back to his sides.

Y/n looks over his arms for more bruises and catches a glimpse of the razor beside the shower head, will he hurt himself with that too? As her thoughts race, she looks up and sees Juyeon looking down at her with pure eyes. He has a surprisingly warm effect on her like this. A cat or a man, Y/n has this comfort gently knitted against her heart and by that, she is about to reach her hand out to brush his hair to its sides. Though, her hand only gets about two centimeters up from her hip before she sneaks under him to get out of the bathroom.

The rest of the morning kind of goes like that. Like in his cat form, he never leaves her side. For every short turn in the kitchen, Juyeon is closely after. Y/n tries to get him away from the small fireworks of oil, but Juyeon insists on having the first row. Though it doesn’t last long, when the oil splatter and lands on his hand he quickly hides behind Y/n and peaks out from her shoulder.

Though he’s very much a 6ft tall man, college age, she finds him endearing. His presence in her home makes her rigid and square, but for each minute that passes, Y/n realizes he’s still very much a cat. In reality, he doesn’t pay much attention to her, it seems. While eating they sit at the coffee table while Y/n takes up her fork and knife to separate her egg into pieces, Juyeon looks back and forth between her and his plate. He grips the plate gently and shakes it to catch the yellow circle wiggle. Y/n smiles as he does it again and this time it breaks and paints the rest of his plate.

She plans on taking him out for a stroll around Seoul. Though he doesn’t need cat food or a box, he’ll probably need some clothes. Juyeon continues standing against her back as she picks out today's outfit and Y/n turns around so they stand face to face. She scratches her neck and coughs. Juyeon continues standing like a tree and as if waiting for an order.

“I…could you maybe go away?” Y/n asks gently. Pointing with her clothes to the kitchen area. Juyeon doesn’t move just pouts. But obedient as he is, he walks slowly over. Though, Y/n bites her lip, feeling like a bad person as his figure walks away.

“Or Juyeon…you can be here but just turn around…okay?”With that Juyeon smiles brightly and nods his head. His fringe follows those movements.

Even when Y/n says she’s done Juyeon stands with his back against her. She awkwardly watches him like this before saying he can turn around. Those eyes he has given her the entire morning, it’s a look of fondness as if she’s the one who brought him to life. Until his smile fades. His dough eye glistens as he tilts his head and a dissatisfied pout forms. Y/n tries to understand his change in expression as he walks closer and takes her hand.

“Why did you take it off?” He says softly.

He brings Y/n's hand up and her yellow ribbon divides the space between them.

“I usually have my hair down when being outside.” Though, it isn’t a lie, she has caught onto the fact that juyeon doesn’t see the world like she does. The thought of going side by side with a cute guy and matching items has her heart turning.

“But I like it.” He fiddles with his own ribbon against his neck.

She bites her lip before taking the fabric up to her hair again, “Okay, I’ll have it on.”

The leaves fade from green to shades of brown before plummet down onto the earth. Some months have passed since that day, that day he turned into a human. Y/n seems to have settled her mind on waking up to someone else and cooking two eggs every morning instead of one. Despite now being a human like the rest of the eight billion population, his life is very much like a home cat. While going to college, Juyeon spends those same hours in her apartment. In the beginning it was fairly easy to entertain him while she was gone. His mind is similar to someone who just got dropped off by earth, therefore she gives him small tasks like doing dishes, cleaning windows and after some good amount of time washing their clothes.

But her way of making him spend his time is a bit one-dimensional, she thinks. He is after all as much of a living being as herself. From time to time when studying she looks behind her back to see him diligently wiping the floor. The world must look incredibly dull after still doing that after three months.

And it is. Juyeon doesn’t say it out loud, but he insists on participating in everything she does. Even when she studies, she feels his presence from behind and he leans over to look at her screen. “Do you need help?” he asks. Y/n simply answers, “I would be thankful, but I think it’s a bit hard to help.”

But his incredibly dull routine isn’t the only obstacle facing them at the moment. Despite now taking on a human form, he's clearly not one. His physique tells others that they’re the same, but people quickly turn an eye when he gets focused on birds outside or runs behind her when someone talks a bit loud. And last, in his cat form he was clingy. Nuzzled his head between her hands every time she came out with food. But now, he’s never closer to her than standing behind her back. Y/n can’t help but think it’s her fault for his change in behavior. That night when he transformed, she was incredibly bothered by this. Juyeon has seemed to pick it up too. But when reading wikipedia articles on Thursday nights, she learns that cats can be understimulated. Some owners who work regular 9 to 5 have trouble not giving them enough company.

Y/n looks up from her computer screen to the small kitchen area. When shopping, she kind of let Juyeon look around for himself. Despite his very height, she noticed he gravitated towards oversized clothing. Sweaters that drape over his arms and let him curl inside them. So from her angle, he looks incredibly pocket sized in his new sweater.

“Juyeon?”

When the first sound of her gentle voice reaches his ears, Juyeon turns. It’s a certain melody that comes out when she’s speaking and he’s enamored by it. The yellow ribbon follows the sudden turn of his head and she can basically see his imaginary ears poke up.

“Do you want to sit with me?” She makes room to the left on the couch.

Her initiative makes him waddle over to her. He sits incredibly vertical, bending his head down to see what she’ll say.

“Do you like living with me?” Honestly she doesn’t know what to tell him. What do you even talk with a cat about, she remembers thinking about their first days. Their usual topics are what Y/n has been up to. She feels just a bit egoistic for surrounding their conversations about her, but Juyeon seems genuinely intrigued by her life and silly anecdotes. When her days have been boring, she tries to teach him an idea or activity that isn’t familiar to him. Though it’s incredibly simple, it feels very comforting to come home to someone and talk about your day.

Juyeon nods without hesitation, “I really like it.”

"Why? What do you like about it?” Y/n falls back into the couch and angels her head to see his face.

“Well…” Juyeon starts, “You take good care of me” he says while staring up at the lamp. “You make good food. I like it when we do it together. Then it’s also nice when you introduce me to new things and take me outside.” Juyeon's smile is gentle and sincere, a warm spot forms at the surface of her skin and spreads out like a blanket over her heart.

“What’s your favorite thing we’ve done?” She asks curiously.

His lips form into a pout and his head tilts up just a centimeter, “When we went to the big house with many things and people, it was fun.” His answer takes her aback. Y/n made the assumption back then that their shopping trip to the mall was kind of a stressful moment. Juyeon kept clinging onto her jacket and couldn’t hold his head in one direction for more than two seconds.

“The TV is nice too.” To be fair, their adventures aren’t longer than going to the grocery store, but Juyeons appreciation for mundane things is affecting her a lot.

“What do you like to watch?”

“Those where the woman and the man follow each other and in the end they’re happy.”

“You like romcoms?” Y/n smiles brightly with a small chuckle. Juyeon smiles too, “Yes.”

He doesn’t quite know what exactly a romcom is, but the way her face lights up makes him want to tell her that he absolutely adores romcoms.

“I’m glad you like living here.” She finally says and looks up, “But you don’t feel, I don’t know…” Y/n keeps waving her hands and articulating nothing in hope that the one in front of her would finish her sentence. But Juyeon stares as usual with his doe eyes as she lags.

“...alone?” Badly articulated.

“Less?” He tilts his head.

“Like, not enough attention?” She waits for him to answer, but the left side eye closes a bit and his lip purses inwards. “I pet you a lot as a cat, but I haven’t done that since then. I don’t want you to feel bad.”

Juyeon, in contrast to the last weeks, doesn't answer her. Instead he tries to find a comfortable position and focuses his eyes on the table and pillows.

She sighs quietly, “Just tell me if something’s wrong, okay.”

Truth is, Juyeon is desperate for affectionate touch. Going from children out on the street finding interest in his soft fur and chasing him for a few seconds or even just Y/n letting him drown in the heat of her palms. To now, Y/n being the person who moves closest to him, but even then is just sitting side by side. On good days while watching the TV, their shoulders may touch and Y/n doesn’t move away.

On nights on the couch he thinks back on how she would brush his hair between her fingers or pet his head. Many times Juyeon has thought about transforming back to his cat form, just so he could get some sort of touch. But life in this form is so much more exciting. He’s become closer to the world and feels almost vivid when walking down the boulevard. At the end of the day, he also sees himself closer to Y/n. She’s a bit different than from the first time they met behind the restaurant and it worried him back then. Now though, he doesn’t completely understand it, but he isn’t just a pet to her, which excites him.

At dawn, Y/n has gone to bed and stares up at her ceiling. She focuses on the passing voices outside, sirens and cars. She’s not looking but the whole city waves in union over the sun down. Though Juyeon didn’t turn out to be the companion she thought he was, evenings like this have become less lonesome. At nights in the beginning of the summer, it would feel as if she was in another season than the rest of the city. Her room would strangle her in cold winter, but at the same time leave so much room for nothing. Juyeon’s simple presence in her life makes it melt.

A sudden noise takes her out of thought and she looks to the side. Y/n makes out his tall figure through the dark room. He brings his hand up to the eye and rubs it slowly while speaking softly, as if the room would crumble if he went up a decibel higher.

“Can I sleep with you?”

Good thing she looks like a vague figure of her full self, she thinks. Cause when he tied an end to his sentence, Y/n worried if she opened her mouth to utter a word, nothing but butterflies would come out.

“Of course!” She moves so the wall is in her face and shoves the blanket away from the now empty spot.

“Thank you, Y/n.” He whispers and the bed shifts as his warm presence fills up the small space.

The morning sun comes in through the window and reflects on the four walls. When the first leaf of the new day falls, her eyes open. In this silence every move from the blanket and her pillow seem deafening and Y/n pushes herself up. After looking out the sun draped city she turns her gaze down towards Juyeon. By instinct she forces herself closer to the wall, as if the fact that they’re this close can interrupt his dream.

In the distance, she feels safe to observe his body while he himself is in another existence. The constant rise and fall of his chest creates a new sense of time in this space. The shirt it exists thousands of copies of, becomes his own signature. Despite the true colors of reality, his expression is as if the world is truly peaceful.

He looks really beautiful like this, she thinks. She sees herself hiding behind a pair of bushes in a closeted forest and in complete silence, watching a deer. The deer with no-knowledge of being watched and reacts to the world without expectations on itself, the most beautiful. Y/n reaches out her hand towards his sleep drunken state. With pure adoration she gently takes her palm and smooth out his hair. The curve of his head and silkness of of it. She has his existence gently put against her hand, it feels enchanting.

And when a minute passes, a sudden change in his expression takes her out of it. His self returns from dreams, when his eyes slowly open. Without thinking, Y/n jerks her hand back and hopes that his morning state will confuse this moment for him. But just as her hand comes back to her body, Juyeon wraps his own around hers.

“Please, don’t stop.” He whispers and puts her hand back onto the spot on his head. The two of them, locked by the bed like this sent her questioning herself in third person. Juyeons eyes weigh a ton and he fights to get a clear image of her like this. She has fallen into her own thoughts and he quietly sighs before using his own hand to move hers on top of his head.

As if she’s sitting against the shoreline, and each thought is a wave. But somehow she doesn’t move away. Y/n can’t make out if those eyes are glistening because of tiredness or pure longing. But either way, she keeps her hand for him to take. He guides it off his head and those last strands tickle the side. Until it reaches his face and Juyeon gently pulls it so he’ll feel her warmth and smell the scent of their shared handwash.

“Please, touch me Y/n”

She lets out a strangled laugh with a stressed smile. Frustration swells inside him when she looks as if he’s joking.

“It doesn’t have to be much, like how you touched me back then.”

Y/n wants to think he’s the weird one in this situation, but she realizes his far more angel-like than she is. While saying words that anyone would pull a bad dirty joke too. Juyeon lays down with pure eyes and a sincere grip around her hand.

“Ok.” Y/n purses her lips in before slowly brushing his fringe out the way and continues up beside his ear. He looks very idyllic like this, she thinks. Somehow this scene makes her want to say he’s beautiful and pluck a single flower to put behind his ear.

They stay like that as the sun climbs a bit higher over the horizon. At some point, Juyeon’s eyes close fully and y/n move over his figure to get off the bed. She makes some extra food and leaves it with a lid on. Even when standing with one hand on the door handle and the other holding her bag, she longs for the spot next to his sleeping figure. Despite finding the situation weird, it felt so special having him like that.

Ever since that morning, like autumn converting to winter, something changed in their dynamic. Of course he kept following her around as usual, but when watching TV that evening Juyeon sat extremely close. They watched 500 Days of Summer and after an hour passed by, Juyeon let his head fall to her shoulder. His hair tickled her neck, but she didn’t want to move away.

Now, the ending credits climb up the screen. Y/n’s eyelids feel ten times heavier than two hours ago, he moves his head down to her lap. The vague light from the screen lights up them both in a blue-ish shade. Juyeons lips form a smile so contagious that it reflects in her two. This moment, she looks just like a picture. He could easily replace her with one of the actresses in the movies they watch together, he thought. By burning this moment into his head with the others, he can replay them when she’s gone.

Quietly Juyeon plays with the strands of her hair that have fallen onto his face. Like a true kitten, she keeps him entertained like that in her lap. Soon enough though, sleep takes the best of her and Y/n drifts away from the couch in the apartment, with her head hanging over Juyeon. But honestly, Juyeon didn’t quite notice it until her head moved to the side and he saw that her eyes were closed.

With that he sits up from her lap to stand up beside her. He watches her like that for some time before gently bringing his hand under her leg and back. The second she comes up to his chest, a feeling so strong to turn frozen ground to blooming flowers swells within him. At the same time, he’s walking as if he will drop her at any moment. Similar to how he holds a plate with food, he stares at it and takes a step not bigger than five centimeters. But when he finally makes it to her bed, Juyeon lays her down gently and tucks her beneath their shared blanket.

Juyeon tucks a single strand from her face and feels himself getting tired when seeing her soft breathing. Finally Juyeon lays beside her and moves his pillow a step closer to hers. He falls asleep with his face shifted closer and his right hand gently intertwined with hers under all the fabrics.

At this point, Y/n’s not fully awake. But when skin touches her own, signals break out through her body, like falling water, something keeps moving up and down her waist, pushing her shirt up in the process. After a few seconds of speaking incorrect sentences, a single spot gets damped on her neck. Y/n's head gets slightly pushed up when someone tries to fit their head between that spot.

Without much thought, y/n takes her hands up to whatever’s on her neck. She hears juyeon whisper quietly and realizes her hands are now on his shoulders and his head is placed over her chest and her chin gently embraces his head.

“Juyeon?” His name is strangled to her cords, as if he’s the only one who can help her.

Y/n swears she hears him breaking under her before the hands on her waist tightens and her body comes pressing up against his own. And soon after he switches position. Instead of resting their sides against the pillow, juyeon lifts her up so she lays over him.

“Say my name again?” He pleas softly and kisses her. At the same time, the weight of her back gets heavier when juyeon puts his arm around her to play with the yellow ribbon tightly concealing her hair.

“Juyeon?”

“Huh?”

With one hand pushing against the pillow she forces herself up as if someone stands over her, forcing her up. Long strands cover her view as she pats the blanket, feeling the fabric to know if it’s the real world. She realizes juyeon sits up too. Hands rubbing the sleepiness away. Y/n continues searching her surroundings when juyeon faces her with wide eyes and stutters over his own sentence.

“I-what-did I do something?”

She awkwardly sits at her own corner of the bed and tilts her head. She didn’t quite realize the way she said his name must have been pretty dramatic as Juyeons extremely distressed.

“I-no.” She scratches her head before standing up, “I just had a nightmare.”

“Was I the nightmare?” He asks as she continues up to the kitchen area. Y/n looks back at him. He looks at her with big eyes and a small pout. Y/n starts throwing her hands around.

“No, you were just in the dream too.” He still looks sad. Dammit, she thinks.

“I needed to build an Ikea furniture, you were the only one I could get help from, terrifying.”

Night comes early in this present. But today Y/n doesn’t really mind since it's the weekend. Juyeon too enjoys free days, not because his schedule changes, but because he'll get to spend more time with Y/n. He also notices how she stretches her arms with a bright smile and takes time to stare out the window. On other days she kind of looks like the city view just punched her. Juyeon feels the spot next to him shift and as he turns Y/n stares down at him brightly. Somehow he feels jealous over the smile over her lips, what does Saturday morning have that Juyeon doesn’t?

“Good morning, Juyeon.” She yawns, “Slept well.”

He nods with big eyes. Without much thought to it, Y/n brings one hand down to his hair and gently brushes it aside.

“Something you want to do?” She brings her legs to a criss cross position. While looking at him, his eyes don't show much deep thought. Every time she asks him a question, she prepares herself to wait for a solid two or three minutes. Each and every small decision seems to make a lot of impact for him so she lets him take time. But today he just continues staring up and moving his head closer to her hand.

“I’ll do whatever you want to do.”

A small laugh leaves her lips and her back arches so her head faces the ceiling. Her hand has fallen from his fringe and is now over his chest. Juyeons much larger fingers gently fiddle with hers. They spend a lot of time at home. Sometimes she does feel like Rapunzel's mother trapping her daughter in that tower, but instead it’s a hybrid cat in a studio apartment. She feels the urge to make a memorable life for him and just watch him adore this world she herself takes for granted.

Y/n opens her mouth, “I want to go to the aquarium.”

Juyeon tilts his head and strains his eyes, just like he always does when he doesn’t fully get the idea.

“You know the aquarium?” He shakes his head.

“You know, fish and water in big tanks and it’s all pretty.” Y/n moves her hand to visually illustrate the aquarium but Juyeon squints his eyes.

“You’ll love it.”

At this stage she has accepted the fact that Juyeon looks a lot like her five year old son(but clearly much bigger) when outside the safety of her apartment. When they needed to cramp together with strangers in the small cart, she felt his hand tighten around her own. If she was the bigger person, Y/n would have taken him to her chest and protected him from the uncertainty, but rather Juyeon pushed his chest up against her face. Y/n tried her best to get his attention and tell him that he’s crushing her nose, but it was to no use.

But with one nose left and the rest of their body parts intact the two of them stand at the register. Y/n while talking with the lady behind the desk turns over every now and then. Juyeon bends his head in every possible angle to catch each detail of the lobby. Y/n pays quickly before either Juyeon runs away or more likely, gets kidnapped.

“Here.” She hands him a small sticker, not bigger than two centimeters. It's formed as a simple fish.

“You put it on like this.” Y/n peels off the plastic on the back and brings it closer to his shirt. But she stops midway and looks up at him. He gives her those curious eyes and she brings the sticker up to his cheek. On the left side of his face, a centimeter or two under his eye sits the small blue fish. When she touches him like this, he jerks away so that his fringe gets over his eyes. Y/n simply smiles and attaches hers to the fabric of her shirt.

“Let’s go!” Y/n says and takes his hand in hers. She walks with quick steps to the entrance and soon enough, the blue light from the meter high tanks illuminates their features in the darkness. Despite being day time, it feels like the clock may have shifted. At first Juyeon endearingly smiles when watching from behind, her figure running towards those gates. But when this world absorbs them, he was just as amazed as her.

Standing in the middle of the room, confined between windows to another world, it’s like the world stops for a moment. Groups of people chatter and Y/n, for a short second, turn to a girl pointing at an orange fish. She smiles when (she assumes) her dad eagerly nods. A bit to the left a couple stands side by side. The light from the tank contrasts their dark silhouettes. When standing like that, Y/n blinks a couple of times and feels her arms glue to her sides. She carefully looks at Juyeon after seeing the couple. He’s still mesmerized. She realizes for the other people in here, they may just look like another couple. Y/n gets butterflies by just the thought alone.

She takes a few steps away from Juyeon and looks behind. He looks at her with those wide eyes that seem more complex in this room, soon he tilts his head too. Y/n smiles and takes his hand again and runs over to the largest window of them all. The glass reaches stunning heights before bending out in a rectangular screen. It’s width meters on end. There’s a stair of five or seven steps before standing in touch with the massive wall. Y/n releases his hand upon coming closer and touches the glass. Juyeon simply looks at her dark contrasting figure to the blue luminance. He sees how her figure eagerly walks up and down the width of the tank. Bending down to take a closer look at the sandfish before reaching onto her tiptoes to reach the sharks.

Juyeon stands incredibly still. His limbs awkwardly pushing against each other. His posture is basically screaming for someone to show him what to do. But at the same time, there’s a genuine smile on his lips. That scene in front of him, he wants it to last forever. Y/n in the middle of that blue screen, his own movie star. Let him watch her forever. Suddenly her face turns to him and she reaches out her hand and signals for him to come up. Juyeon walks up and takes a spot beside her. They stand so close, he thinks. His hand touches the glass as if it could touch the other side. Just a second after he puts his hand there, a mantaray comes right up to that spot. The glass and his hand lose contact when he flinches back.

“Oh.” Y/n puts an arm behind him so he doesn’t fall off the stairs. Her smile shines in even stronger brilliance than the tank and he continues looking perplexed by the creature up on the glass wall. Soon, more fish come up to them.

“He looks a bit like you.” Y/n points at a fish with a face you would’ve thought ran up against a wall. Juyeon pouts before pointing higher up.

“Oh Y/n! What are you doing there?” She hits his elbow while laughing.

After pointing at every ugly fish they could find in that tank, Y/n puts her right ear against the glass. She describes to him how the sound becomes tight knitted and if you concentrate enough, it might feel like you’re actually in that water filled side. Juyeon inspects how Y/n leans against the wall and does the same.

When they lay like this, they make eye contact. Their faces are just a few centimeters apart. Y/n still smiles from before and arch her head slightly back to keep looking at his face. The right side is illuminated by the tank light. The strands of his hair scrunches up a bit by the glass, a couple fall before his eyes so that a single reflection makes it back to her between them. And that blue little sticker moves up when his eyes turn to crescents. It’s packed in the aquarium, but with each second that world closes off from behind and only them and the compact sound of water is in existence.

When looking at him like this, she thinks he’s truly beautiful. Each feature is carefully wrapped in that blue light. It makes her heart do that again, that thing where she feels like taking his hand and looking into his eyes. Telling him each complimentary word the english vocabulary has to offer while gently tugging those black strands back behind his ear.

“I want to hold your hand.” As the world is only for them now, his voice is barely over a whisper.

Y/n’s smile seems to always be on display when he’s like this. She simply nods and Juyeon gently touches her hand. While standing like this, Y/n realizes their connected silhouettes are visible to each passing visitor. It is just a bit embarrassing.

“Is something wrong?” He watches her as if he’s trying to understand her and Y/n drags him closer. She shakes her head and looks down onto the matt black floor.

“No, let’s go.”

The day has flown by and at sunset both of them stand at the edge to Banpo bridge as neither of them felt like going back to the apartment. Beneath them sits a few couples and probably a parent and their child. Since it’s winter, it’s not many. The lights have just turned on, guiding the way to the other side of the city. It’s quite steep on this side so Y/n looks over to the stair a bit further away.

“Do we go down?” Juyeon asks and Y/n nods thinking he will just follow her as usual. But in no more than a second, Juyeon takes a leap of faith down the grass and sprints down.

“Wait, Juyeon!” Y/n panics a bit. Throwing her hands around before catching herself, before nearly jumping down with him. At the time she regains her balance, Juyeon stands at the end of the steep. He tilts his head and she can picture his big eyes.

“Aren’t you coming down too?”

“I am-I just.”

Y/n flees to the stairs and together they then walk to the grass beside the bridge. She sits down and Juyeon follows. Small talking from the people behind serves as background noise for the cityscape. A breeze comes right at them and Y/n hugs her knees to her chest. Juyeon sees her hugging herself tightly and he brings his long legs up to his own chest. Before getting to hug them, his knees hit his chin and he brings them down instead.

Usually when Y/n spends time with someone and it gets quiet, she gets this intense guilt over not being able to entertain them with a conversation. But right now, sitting on Juyeon’s left side with nothing but general city noise feels strangely natural, like it’s all her life prepared her for. Y/n looks to her right and sees Juyeon’s side profile. His fringe follows the wind when it hits him and a single point in his eyes shines from the constant city lights. She just smiles.

During this passing season, she’s been thinking all less about her hometown. That empty feeling between two walls seems to have patched up. She recalls how it was a dread to walk that route home. How she stared at the apartment complex hoping she would remember a task left to do. When she stood there in her room, it was nothing but Y/n and her thoughts. When alone without distractions, worries would come and shake her from sleep and keep her up at night. When out on the rooftop, she would stare at the moon and its millions of stars, knowing they stared back at her with nothing but empty spaces beside her.

But at the same time, she wonders what Juyeon feels. Courage isn’t on her side and because of that she hasn’t truly asked him where he plans to go. If this place and this moment is just a () in his life. Y/n wants to see him free but a selfish side of her wants to keep him here beside her, like this, forever.

“Y/n.” Juyeon says suddenly.

Her name brings her back. The top of her body is turned to him and her eyes waits for him to continue talking as he keeps looking out the horizon.

“What?”

“Thank you for saving me.”

“I did?” Y/n's eyebrows knit together as she tries to read his calm demeanor. Understand what that mind of his thinks about when looking into the endless sea of lights. He suddenly turns to her, with that innocent smile.

“Yes.”

Silence fills the space between them.

“That day I met you behind the restaurant, I thought you would hit me when you took out your hand.” He confesses. Y/n feels her heart wrenching at the thought of Juyeon looking at her in that light, but confusingly enough, he still smiles.

“But you didn’t.” He gets quiet again before turning back to look at a couple walking hand in hand down the river.

“You’re a really good person, Y/n. When you talked back to my owner and took me home, I felt really good.” He smiles when talking, but it slowly fades. Y/n watches him, waiting if he wants to continue.

Truth is, he’s in deep thought. He stares at the city as if it will be able to answer his question. That day, when Y/n took him home. A sensation he couldn’t pinpoint blossomed in him. It was like magic, something completely out of his own reality. And in some ways it may have been magic, he did turn to his human form after all.

He bites his lip and fiddles with his fingers to somehow form a sentence of his emotions. How do you describe the feeling of someone who brought life back to your existence?

Y/n scoots closer to him so they now can feel each other's warmth. He sheepishly looks at her as she makes him feel brilliance. A wind blows past them right when she breathes in. Juyeon scratches his neck and shoves his face in between his hands.

“I don’t know what I feel.” He whines.

“Is it a good feeling?” She asks.

He nods and peeks up from his hands to meet her gentle expression.

“It’s just when I’m with you. There’s no one or nothing that makes me feel like that but you.”

The sun is at the edge of the horizon, in just a minute or two there will be no trace of it in the sky. And on a morning in a far far future, between April and June, she will fade from this world too. Despite her life, no sign of her existence will be left beside the people who remember her and her handwriting in blue ink. But even those people will fade and the blue ink will dissolve with time. It’s a sad thought, that everything will be gone, but maybe that gives us the freedom to be whatever we want.

“Then, stay with me.” She says and takes his hand.

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snailsgoingdowntown · 2 years

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Coerce - Yan! Kaeya x fem! Reader

Yandere! Kaeya x fem! Reader

Part 2 of the “Baby Trapping” Series

Warnings: General yandere themes, toxic relationships, heavy religious themes, mention of corrupted organizations (The church), emotional manipulation, slight victim blaming, black mail, coerce, implied physical violence, possessive and obsessive thoughts and behaviors, implied controlling behavior, implied codependency (both parties), dehumanizing reader, injury, mention of blood, wanting to punch Kaeya in the face for this one, and inaccurate religious customs/tellings.

Not sfw warnings: d00gy style, vaginal fingEring, mention of loss of virginity, one slap on the ass, teasing, cumming inside without permission, dub-c0n/non-c0n, use of pet name (Sweetheart and probably sweetie I forgot), coerce into doing the act itself, hint of corruption kInk, baby trapping.

Please tell me if I missed any warnings that are needed.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT condone any of the harmful and toxic behaviors and thoughts that may take place in this piece of FICTION. None of this should be romanticize or even considered normal as it is extremely toxic and dangerous. If you find yourself in such a situation, please seek help if able to.

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

WARNING: DUE TO TUMBLR’S SHITTY TAGGING SYSTEM, NOT EVERY TRIGGER WARNING WILL BE TAGGED, SO PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS THAT ARE ABOVE. THANK YOU.

MINORS AND AGLESS/BLANK BOGS DNI OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. THANK YOU.

Wordcount: 4840k

Unedited

Kaeya thinks of you as a pet. As cruel and inhumane it is, he can’t help but to think of you as one. A relationship was never confirmed, yet you still wait for him like a loyal dog. Tail wagging whenever you saw his face, heard his voice as he talks to others. He likes to make you chase after him, your attempts to make him notice you cute.

And, of course, he does reward you, at times. He gives you attention if you’ve been especially good, following his unsaid orders. Pets your head in private, praises disguising the insults he’s casually throwing your way. Nothing serious, it’s just cute, the way you take him at face value. Too scared to face the reality that awaits you.

And he loves it. He’s sadist at heart, despite being as lonely as a winter tree, bare of any of its leaves. And that’s something he’ll never admit, not to you, not to himself, not to anyone. And maybe, he thinks, that’s why he keeps you around. You follow him around like a lost puppy no matter what, even when he leaves you waiting at the Anemo Archon’s statue two hours after the meeting time. You always wait for him, no matter the time.

Unless work comes into play, then you avoid him like the plague. It slightly annoys him and has implied you should focus more on him towards the end of the week, but he never forced you to. He’s a busy man himself, his job is demanding, so he understands why you would put your work before him. You can’t live off him.

Even so, you’ve been acting… different, as of late. You didn’t bother to say hi to him as you pass by, instead rushing past him. Like you didn’t want to see him, even. Okay, sure, your affection for him has slowly, but surely, started to dwindle for the past few weeks.

Turning him down gently whenever he asked you out, avoid running into him on the streets, stopped going to Angel’s Share almost completely, only visiting the Tavern when you know he’s on patrol duty. You have his schedule down to a T, and from the looks of it, you keep changing yours. Like you didn’t want him to contact you, fading away like a ghost.

Like you wanted to become a ghost of his past, and he yours.

He could feel it; you’re slowly untangling yourself from his web of lies, starting to look under that flirty exterior and see the liar he is, how shallow he can be. But you don’t have the courage to leave him, he thinks. Ah, but that’s the problem – he thinks. He doesn’t know anymore, your actions and behavior slapping him in the face. The whiplash is something he didn’t expect.

And it stings more than he’d like to admit.

But no matter, a few sweet lies here and there, and you’ll be back to normal in no time. Bringing him lunch on your break, waiting him to get off of work if you didn’t have a shift or managed to get off early. Waiting for him like the loyal dog you are, at his beck and call.

You’re supposed to be obedient. Docile and demure, never leaving his side. He’ll be bored otherwise, yes. He has – should have – you under his thumb. You told him yourself that you can’t live without him.

God, his mind is everywhere right now. He’s torn between acting indifferent and confronting you. But that’s not like him. He’s not the type to ‘beg’ nor is he the type to talk it out. You were supposed to be a means to pass the time. He had planned to (eventually) let you, be it through heart break or directing your affections and attentions to another man.

Thinking about that now leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. Salt, it tastes like pure salt, a thirst so strong he almost can’t contain it. This isn’t like him. He’s slowly falling apart the more you avoid him. How long has it been? Weeks? A month?

A month too long. His value as a person is low, he knows that. And deep inside, he’s aware he’s kept you around so much because he was unknowingly desperate for validation deep inside. He’s both aware and in denial about needing you by his side, lest he crumbles into dust. You’re both a curse and a blessing.

And he hates himself for feeling this way.

He’s possessive of you, extremely so. He’s aware of that, he keeps up with the façade of being a nice guy just to keep you around. No matter how he treats you, in the end, Kaeya is nothing more than a twisted, horrible man in ‘love’.

Which is why he has you on you cornered against one of the benches in the church, ready to taint you a dirty black. Did you think you could escape him so easily? No, did you think you could escape him at all? How naïve of you. But it’s cute – you’re cute – so he’ll forgive you.

“Hey there sweetheart… long time no see. How long has it been? A month?” He smiles ever so sweetly, but there’s bitterness seeping through. He doesn’t like the way you stare at him in worry. Worry for your well-being.

“Ka… Kaeya? What are you doing here?” You shift in your seat, eyes looking at the small space between his arms against the back rest and the wooden seat. You’re thinking of escaping. He can’t have that, now, can he?

“A little birdy told me you spend your time here now. I just wanted to check up on you, you know? Can’t blame me for wanting to see my favorite person, can you?” He answers while tightening his grip on the wood, waiting. Will you make a move?

Or will you succumb to him and behave like a good girl?

“’Favorite person’… yet you barely, ever showed up on time? The math doesn’t add up, make it make sense, Kaeya.” Oh, you have a bite now. A mistake – it only makes him want to tame you.

Your fingers are clenched in front of your chest, as if in payer. “Since when did you become religious?” He stares down at you, hating how you didn’t bother to meet his eyes. You just stared at his chest, there but not really seeing it. Not really seeing him.

Had he really become a ghost of your past?

“Since I gave up on you.”

Ouch. Okay, that hurt, it stung, and he really wants to shut your mouth, preferably with his. Your neck looks so easy to strangle. Should he do just that?

Enough to make you gasp, not enough to injure you.

“Oh? That’s a bit hard to believe, sweet cheeks. Just a month ago, you couldn’t go a day without seeing me. What made you change your mind?” He doesn’t budge when your hands unclench, landing on his chest, pushing him away. He’d rather you pull him closer.

You let out a sigh, clearly done with him and his antics. He wants to say you’re overreacting, but that’s hard to say when he’s aware of his own actions.

“Well, for one, please move aside. It’s uncomfortable,” your eyes shut close and brows furrow. Your patience with him is finally about to snap. How adorable.

“You’re a sweet talker, purposely flirting with other women to get a rise out of me. You never show up time when you ask me out, and sometimes you didn’t even come. You’ll shower me in gifts during the day, only to insult me with sugarcoated words, thinking I wouldn’t notice. You love to make me suffer, to drag me along a leash like I’m a dog.”

Kaeya listens, not once interrupting you. The way your voice gets higher, and tears form in your eyes makes him want to gag you on his cock. The thought unsettles even him.

“And not once did you clearly say what our ‘relationship’ was, even when I questioned you about it,” you finish off, harshly wiping away a stray tear with the heel of your hand.

Everything stays quiet, as he processes your words, your actions. You’re not wrong, and the rational part of his mind doesn’t blame you. Can’t blame you. But his pride and yearning come first. How hard can he make you cry? How hard can he make you regret leaving him?

“I see… such a shame, then. I apologize for making you feel such a way,” he smiles, gently removing one of his hands from the backrest, choosing to softly caressing your cheek. His thumb rubs under your eye, effectively ridding of the tear sliding down, unconsciously leaning into his touch.

He likes you this way.

Docile. Obedient.

Shyly, you look downwards. A soft sigh before you push against him harder, and this time, he takes a step back, hand leaving your cheek. “You’re apologizing for making feel bad when you should be apologizing for acting shitty.” And the bite comes back.

You pause before adding on, “And besides… I’m in training to become a nun, in case you didn’t notice my attire. Or did you think I was cosplaying?”

Yes, he thought you were cosplaying. No, he won’t admit he feels like an idiot now.

“A nun huh… a surprise sudden career change.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Is it a question worth answering?”

You can’t help the way you smack your forehead with the palm of your hand. He finally made you irritated. And then, a smirk stretches on his lips.

“I didn’t realize non-virgins could completely serve gods.” The way your eyes widen and how you jerk your head up to look him has him smiling. He’s a shitty person for bringing that up*.

“What a rude thing to say! And besides… we both know there’s currently a married woman with a child who became a nun.” You balk at him, clearly uncertain about your situation now.

He had taken your virginity a year ago, back when you were still in the honeymoon phase. You had sex a total of three times between that period and now. And each time, you declared your love for him. Can the church accept such a sinner?

Perhaps the Archons could and would, but the church is different story. It’s rather fickle, picky with who it takes into its arm and who it shuns within the shadows. Corruption and religion go hand in hand, you can’t deny that. You could only ignore it.

“I suppose your right…,” he leans in closer, one hand grasping the backrest again, mouth next to your ear. His hot breath makes you shiver. “But whose to say they’ll accept you as well? You know just how picky they can get… would be a shame if someone were to…,” his teeth nibble your ear, eliciting a small gasp from you, “tell them.”

He pulls back a bit, able to look you in the eyes. The horror and resentment in your eyes both amuse and hurt him. So, you really have grown tired of him, have you? Such a shame he hasn’t grown tired of you. And he’s not sure if he ever will.

“… you really are a horrible man,” nothing but bitterness lies within your words. You don’t even bother to hide it, instead wanting him to know how deep your distain runs for him. “Why are you bothering me so? Have you not grown tired me, despite always throwing me to the side? I was never your priority so I don’t know why you’re so intent on making my life a living hell with just your mere presence alone.”

“You’re nothing more than a depraved man seeking salvation that will never come. *”

Something snaps. His hand hurts and feels wet. A warm liquid, a horrified squeal, he’s not sure what the fuck happened. Whether he’s finally become mad, or if he’s finally became the fallen empire that crumbled away with only sinners left.

He needs to get a hold of himself. He’s not too fond of physically violence despite his job, nor does he want to be seen as a mindless caveman. So, he takes a step back, taking a deep breath and out. And he’s back to normal.

You don’t say anything, probably can’t, and only realizes why when he looks where your eyes are glued to; the bench has been snapped, the backseat covered in broken wood. He looks at his hand. Wood shards poking out of his gloved hands, blood seeping through, running down his wrist. He’s gone too far he can’t deny that.

He glances at you, only to find your eyes wide and mouth opened into a small ‘o’. You’re trembling slightly, and he wants to make you tremble more. Tremble, moan, cry, wants to make you smile, laugh, tend to his wound. He wants it all, he wants none of it, he wants to hug you, he wants to strangle you for saying such things. He needs to teach you a lesson.

“Ka… Kaeya… what the fuck…,” you finally look at him, hands coming up to cover your mouth. He doesn’t respond, doesn’t smile, just stares into the void that is you. “A… are you okay? In the head?”

Perhaps it was second nature by now, but you gently grab his hand, inspecting it like a rare specimen. It feels warm. It feels right.

“I don’t think you want me to answer that… although… I do think we need to come up with a story.” He smiles coldly at you, flexing his hand hard enough to push the wood in deeper. It stings, it hurts, but he needs a grounding or else he might hurt you.

“We…? There is no ‘we’, just ‘you’.” You don’t look at him, but his hand is still in his grasp as you pry it opened. He lets you, only if to remember the vibrant past. “… you need to leave,” you let go and attempt to leave.

His words alone stop you before you could even leave the aisle.

“Are you sure you want to leave before we finish our conversation? Ah, not only not being a virgin would give you a bad look, but to leave an injured man be… it won’t look good on your record.” A choice. Which option would you choose? To leave or to stay?

Both of you know the answer.

“… excuse me?” Ever so slowly, your head turns towards him, eyes narrowed. The hatred in your eyes burn hotter than the sun. “Why in Teyvat would you say that? Threatening me too? You’re really sick in the fucking head.”

“And yet you loved me still.”

Your chest heaves, feet dragging you to him, standing straight right in front of him. You weren’t thinking straight, your breathing was heavy. He’d rather you be that way on his cock, squirming in nothing but pleasure, squealing as he drills into you.

“’Loved’. Past tense, I no longer want anything to do with you. You’re nothing more than a parasite, and I’m tired of being your host.” Your finger jabs at his chest, hard enough to hurt you but not him. You were so weak compared to him.

He could easily turn you around and bend you over, fucking you until you were apologizing all the way to hell. The very place he’ll drag you to the moment you leave or get taken away. Count your lucky stars he’s controlling himself enough not to harm you.

“Oh my, your words are hurting me. Venom is dangerous, you know? Although, I don’t think you’d like to get frost burn. Better calm down before it gets too chilly.” His bloodied hand goes to hold your hand, the one jabbing at him.

“And besides, who do you think they would believe… a training nun who couldn’t keep her chastity until marriage, or the esteemed knight who does his duty to protect the citizens of Monstadt?” His cocky tone does nothing but to infuriate you more.

“You’re not protecting me, Kaeya.”

“Ah, but I am… think of it this way… a random drunkard, who so happened to be on the wanted list was harassing a training nun during her prayers, and the Cavalry Captain stopped him. That sounds better than a nun seducing the Cavalry Captain in the middle of the night, in the holy church, no less.”

You take a step back, but he doesn’t let go of your hand. “That… that wouldn’t explain the damage done to the bench.” The reality of the situation was finally settling in.

“Ah… I suppose that’s right. However, it could be said that the Cavalry Captain had to retrain control. It’s not uncommon to hear of, a man damaging something to keep his lust at bay.”

“That doesn’t make sense, and only serves to make you look bad!” You argue back, shaking your head. He was fucked up.

Kaeya continues, “It may make me look bad… but it’ll make you look worse.”

It was bullshit, it would absolutely make him the villain. Using violence of any type on a woman was horrible in the public eye. But you weren’t thinking straight, fear coursing through your veins like fire. And he’s using it against you.

“… What do you want?”

“Hm? Say that again? I couldn’t hear you.”

You take a breath in. “I said, what do you want? I don’t need you to ruin my life anymore than this.” Your voice cracks, and he can see the tears forming. You’re finally breaking apart. And he loves it.

“First,” He lifts his hand, still holding yours, “Tend to my wound, okay?”

With the wound tended to and mood shifted to a sexual tone, Kaeya has once more turned the situation to his liking. He had you bend over, hands holding onto the backseat, ass up, legs spread apart. Your dress was scrunched up to your waist, pure white panties on display for his eyes only. Like how it’s supposed to be.

Such a sinful sight for a ‘holy’ woman. A follower of a God that won’t listen to her prayers. How ironic.

“My, my… how lewd. To think a ‘pure’ nun would spread her legs for me, a lowly Cavalry Knight.” A slap to your ass that brings forth a moan. God, he missed this. The way your body reacts to him, how he studied your body from the late hours to the early rise of the sun. He knows it inside out.

“Shut up…,” your breath hitches when he grabs your hair from the roots and pulls. Your body is reacting in a manner you don’t want it to. You hate yourself for this, for giving in so easily. For not letting go sooner before his obsession and possessiveness of you started to fester.

Kaeya almost feels guilty. But not enough, not when you’re in front of him, bend over the bench like a whore, whimpering as he tugs your hair or delivers a slap to your ass. Your body is more honest than you are. He’s more honest than you are.

Prepare yourself for the years to come.

“Heh… you say you hate me, but your body loves me, right?” He leans forward, draping himself over your body, chest pressed against your back. He wonders if you can feel his heart beating. “Tell me, did you ever miss this?”

His uninjured hand travels down your front, skipping over your breasts and straight to your crotch. You shiver, biting your lip as to keep quiet. You don’t need anyone to hear from the outside, if possible. You just want to get this over with. You can’t get caught doing this here, in the church.

Slowly, his middle finger draws circles around your clothed clit, your legs trembling. You’re starting to get wet, perhaps as means to lessen the pain that might follow. The female anatomy is one he studied well, if only to tease and gloat about it to Diluc, who the Head Maid had scolded about the subject.

“Getting wet now, are we? How adorable.” He laughs, adding more pressure that makes you squeal. So sensitive, so right. He belongs here, with you, and you belong with him, no matter how toxic the relationship.

“Hey, stop – ah!” Head arched back; he loves the way you reach to his touches. You’re wet enough to slip in a finger, enough to feel the burning pleasure only he could provide. Why bother becoming a nun when you become his?

No.

You’ve always been his, be it in life or death. He’ll never let go, he can’t dare to part with his beloved pet. A pet that used to whine for attention, a pet that now growls and barks at it’s owner. Even bit him. But that’s okay. He just needs to train you some more.

And that training starts now.

“Stop? But why; your pretty little cunt is taking my finger so easily. Almost like you were waiting for this. Tell me, do you think about me when you touch yourself?” His teeth tease your earlobe, breath fanning the shell. You’re driving him crazy, your scent, your body, your scent. He’s going to drown the both of you.

“W-what? Nuns don’t… nuns don’t touch themselves…,” you breathe out, eyes closing once he starts to curl his finger. It’s sloppy inside, like it should be. Wet and soft, he can’t wait to do bareback.

“Nuns shouldn’t participate in the act of sex itself, yet here you are… and, if I recall, they are to ‘Marry God’. Or something along those lines, right? Give all your love to the Gods, the Archons, yet here you are, loving me with all of your body.”

“You blacked mailed me. Coerced me.” Same meaning, different words, no need to say them. You should be saying his name instead, like you used to. Yet, you’re not, barking at him still. What shall he do with you?

“I didn’t force you to do anything. I gave you a choice – you chose this option.” His finger thrusts in and out, in and out, you have a hard time thinking. Should you think? Should you give in to the pleasure?

Your mind says yes, your body says no.

“There, there, it’ll be fine. Just let me take care of everything, okay?” You don’t say anything, not even when he adds a second finger, curling them just right, making you squeal. Your reactions are cute, from the way you’re biting your lip to hide your moans, to the way your hips softly rock into his hand.

“Since you’re here, doing this, why don’t you just give in, hm? Might as well enjoy the ride… I know I am.” Kaeya grinds against your ass, erection straining against his (complicated. Breaking the 4th wall here cuz im going to forget otherwise, but like… does anyone know how his pants work???)pants.

Huffing, you shake your head, only to dip it when he increases his pace. A third finger and you’re fully rocking your hips into his hand, rubbing your ass against his erection. The heel of his palm rubs against your clit, head thrown back before there’s a silent scream, so close yet so far –

The whine that you let out once he takes his fingers away is unexpected. For you and him, if you smacking your forehead against the backrest of the seat is an indicator of anything. A pleasant surprise for him, an embarrassing and horrible mistake on your end. No matter, he’s sure of it.

You’re going to beg for him. You have to, unless you want to walk home in soaking wet panties.

Pride be damned, he’s going to tear down that wall you built around himself.

“Oh? Sweetheart, if you wanted more, all you had to do was ask.” His fingers trace your slit, gathering up your juices. It goes up, fingers gently going in your mouth. You can taste yourself. And you hate it, surely.

You hate him for getting under your skin and into your pants once more.

“Just say ‘please’, and I’m all yours. Oh, and of course, this’ll be kept a secret, unless it’s dire information they’ll need. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to convince them to keep you, if you really want to stay here.” You decided to play with fire the moment you laid your eyes on Kaeya Alberich.

“I… I shouldn’t, you should leave, this is fucked up –“

“But it feels so right, doesn’t it? You can still love your God with your heart even if you love me with your body… although, I’m not sure if you’ll ever be considered a nun in his eyes.” He tries his best not to laugh, not to insult you further. Because, as of right now, you’re insulting yourself.

“I… I don’t know… why are you doing this? Are you really that lonely?” Your legs shake, your voice is low, you don’t crane your neck to look at him. This was horrible, and truthfully, you weren’t sure if you wanted it or not. You can say no, right?

It’s Kaeya, right?

“Hm… maybe, maybe not. But were you that lonely to choose a husk of a man?” He hums, lips kissing your throat. He admits it, just once, that he was rather lonely. But you were also lonely, you had to be, to go after him day and night. You should have let go before it was too late. Before he latched on like a leach unknowingly, sucking you dry.

The cycle was unbreakable.

You give in, be it from fear or lust, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care – in the end, you were the one who gave him the green light. You said yes, and because you said yes, he’s going to fuck you dumb on his cock. He might die if he doesn’t, so you have to endure it. Like you used to.

---

The sounds in the church were sinful. Panting, squealing, moans, slaps of skin – it was all sinful. His hips met yours, your pussy sucking every inch of him in. It feels right, this should, needs to become the norm from now on. It doesn’t matter if you’re a nun. What matters is that you’re his.

“Ah, ah, ah! Fuck, fuck!” You don’t ask him to go faster, don’t ask him to go harder. You just let your moans out for the church to hear, like a choir. You sing him paise with each note you hit, mouth open. Kaeya takes a hand to turn your head towards him just a bit, going in for an open mouthed kiss.

There’s saliva everywhere, tongues dance as his thrusts send you forward. So close, he’s so close to having you completely. You’re so wet, so soft, and he swears he won’t do this with anyone but you – and the same goes for you, it has to. Otherwise, blood will be drawn, and a cage made. You don’t want that, do you?

“Enjoying yourself, sweetheart?” You don’t respond, can’t with his tongue back in your mouth, silently begging for a breather. He doesn’t grant you that freedom, fingers circling your clit like a man gone mad. And, perhaps you did drive him mad. And he’s going to drive you mad, as mad as he.

“Mmh, fuck, can’t – ah – cum – “your hands grip the backrest like it’s your savior. Blunt nails digging into the wood, unable to form sentences. How long have you been at this? An hour? How many orgasms has he given you, showing you only he could do this?

Two, three?

This would be the fourth one, if that’s the case.

“Ah? Cum? Do you want to cum?” Kaeya laughs when all you do is nod your head, driven by lust by the devil himself. He gives it to, if only to drive the point home. He’s close himself, once again, so maybe he should pull out again –

An idea hits him.

He could get you pregnant. He could say it was an accident, that he did pull out but maybe it wasn’t on time. He could use a child against you, as much as he doesn’t want to use such innocence in the name of evil. He’s not sure if he’ll even be a decent father.

But he’ll try for you, promise.

For them.

Three fingers in your mouth, and he’s drilling his cock into you like a lifeline. One thrust, two thrusts, and on the fifth you’re finishing together, fingers rubbing at your clit like there’s no tomorrow. You shouldn’t have said yes, if you weren’t at least a little mentally prepare for the possibility of having a child.

Breathing is hard, heavy. Sweat clings to your bodies like a second skin melting off. You’re both spent, and –

“Don’t worry, if anything were to become of this, I’ll take care of it. Even with the church.”

A/N: *1 – I kinda did research and it looks like you have to be a virgin to become a nun. Now, I could be completely wrong, and I apologize for that.

*2- one of my favorite lines I have ever written ngl.

Thank you for reading! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated !

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