#some days it really really really grips me and some days thinking abt the situation is just in passing

[fmab]

insane personal rambling below in the tags. hm. sorry !

[ddejavvu]

mvm! maybe poly!maraudeers with a wispy, cute, fae-like reader! mischievous but well meaning, sly and sweet; reader definitely tries to trick one/all into giving their names all the time, so she can keep hardcore courting them and they can belong to each other. its a fae thing, and faes like coveting pretty things :] mainly thinkin abt slyly courting them in ways they absolutely do not notice at first, till like, remus decides to read up and study on fae behaviour, and he has an ‘oh’ moment

cute little tidbits that i love :) - shes notrious for managing to steal away pretty little trinkets, and its well known how much faes love and protect their treasures, so as a courting tactic, she gives (im thinking more along the lines of james) some really pretty blueish seaglass because it matches his eyes! sirius definitely flirts cheesily, saying he can be her treasure/pretty thing, she could steal HIM away, and readers just like.. “thats the plan :]”. another little thought.. she definitely manages to actually, genuinely, physically fluster even sirius sometimes, like, she'll make an offhand comment about like, how cute his babies will be if they get his nose! or his pretty cheekbones! and sirius sits there like :]

okay so we all had a tinkerbell phase as kids right? the animated movies of pixie hollow? well, thats how i imagine reader dresses too, however out of place it may seem - like how adults go disney bounding as their fav character, she`ll do that in public but she still has a very fae-ish outfit and look about her. and i cant begin to tell you how obsessed remus is with this. like, hes got his scars that are usually one of the first things people glue their eyes to, but with you next to him? they focus on the suspiciously authentic bag made of large green leafs, or the numerous flowers braided into your hair constantly, or the way you smell so divine, like lavender and honey, or vanilla and forest wood, or the way your eyes are so captivating that they cant help but feel a pull towards you (fae characteristics <3). on another note, you CANNOT TELL ME that big, sweetheart, ‘sometimes head empty brrrr’ james potter does not stare off into space sometimes, lip between his teeth, eyes glazed over and a bit widened, lazer focused on how your thighs look spilling out of your leaf dress (maybe a dress like tinkerbells - short and earthy and sweet, as a little visual aid :) ) the man just wants to bite, like actually bite the fat and grip your hips with his big hands and let his brain go dead. this phenomenon is made especially apparent when you discover lingerie and how pretty so much of it is!! the sweet lace and the cute cups and theres so. many. designs. you must get opinions all round on every single piece. probably wind up with them all suddenly being marvellously busy though, theyll walk through the door, spot the store bags from victorias secret on the couch, and beeline right back out. they physically just.. cannot. they cant put themselves through that and come out unaffected on the other side.

maybe she gets a bit worried/downtrodden one day and ofc they notice. the issue? “why arent you guys accepting my courting?? am i doing it wrong? its my first time so idk if im doing it right :((“ james definitely was clueless up until this point, no matter how many times both sirius and remus have hinted that shes been doing this, but for some reason, hes the only one who knows how to properly navigate this situation. he, quick as a whip, snags a pair of his old, broken, beaten up glasses and presses em into her hand - an offering, a courting recipricant, a trinket!!! - with the biggest smile on his face. the glasses have so much tape around the middle, one of the legs are hanging off, and the lenses are almost smashed entirely, but one mans trash is another mans treasure :DD readers just like “oh :)) thanks :))”, probably a little breathy and shy but with a beaming smile to match because give the girl a break, its her first time recieving a courting trinket of all things!! its like, the human equivilent of snogging someone before holding their hand!!

i only know little things about fae from stuff ive read in the past, but this is just an interpretation based on common things i can remember about them, if any of it is inaccurate im sorry!

(any time i send any of these little paragraphs in, i dont expect anything in return btw! its mainly just like, emptying the trashcan of thoughts in my head into a space where someone else might enjoy em! like, yk, here u go! read this like its ur a 1950s husband reading the newspaper in the morning! lmao makes no sense but then at least the little imaginations and ideas dont get lost into the world of my brain and someone else can have at em :) )

baby!!! i am not educated enough on fae aus to write one (at least, not yet) so i will be more reacting to this than i am adding to it but let me just tell you that i loved reading it!! i mean it when i say that every time you send something into my inbox i thoroughly enjoy it, i swear you write me your own little fanfictions and they're the highlights of my day no matter who they're about <33333

SGSNDF THEY'D BE SO SMUG IF THEY FOUND OUT THEY WERE 'PRETTY THINGS' TO YOU... they keep all of your little gifts tucked into their pockets except they might need a new home because you're just always giving them more and they can't fit them all in their pockets!!

YES REMUS AND HIS LITTLE FAIRY GF :'))) UGHHH he definitely spoils her with pretty jewelry and things to wear and bags to carry and he'll learn to make flower crowns just for her :'))

SGSDNFNSF YES fashion show!! you twirl around and show off the skimpy little sets you'd bought and everyone needs a very long, intensive cold shower after the fact </33

AWWW JAMES'S GLASSES :')) he blames it on the fact that he's overly sentimental that he even still has them, but he's so glad he never tossed them as he watches your eyes shine and your breath hitch when he presents you with them :') sirius probably gives you a guitar pick of his and remus lets you have a pretty bookmark of his with a little golden tassel on it :')

i want you to know that i fully plan on answering every single ask you send/have sent me, they are always so fantastic and i know i still have a few but i just reread two of them the other day and got all giddy and excited to expand on it so trust me i know there's no pressure but i want to do them anyways!!! seriously you make my day with these they're probably my favorite type of asks to get is like full stories :')) thank you for being so sweet all the time and thank you for sharing your ideas with me!!!!

[mi-rae07]

this was just a random idea for a fic where like pirate seonghwa’s s/o got kidnapped because she ran away after their argument so the s/o was expecting for seonghwa to woo her after being rescued but instead accidentally called her a burden or smth until she finally asks to break up bcs she was sick of it which brought back seonghwa’s consciousness abt the situation 😩🧎🏻‍♀️

Park Seonghwa : Shatter Me

Pairing : Park Seonghwa (Ateez) and named character (Yoon Serena)

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A/n : This request was so much fun, really.

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Seonghwa : do you have fun causing trouble for me every fucking day of the week, princess?

Serena sat against the chair with a nonchalant look, not bothering to even look at seonghwa who was fuming in anger at what she had done.

Seonghwa : serena. I've told you, a million fucking times, that I need you to go our way. You cannot keep doing things as you like, this isn't your palace!

Serena : so what, you want me to turn into some sort of a pirate with you guys? Looting innocent people-

Seonghwa : they're rich people.

Serena : fine! Rich, innocent people.

Seonghwa : you think any rich merchant here is innocent? Money comes at a price, and that money these "innocent people" of yours have, they've looted poor peasants for it. Taxes, rents, feudal charges, you name it.

Serena : seonghwa-

Seonghwa : but of course! You wouldn't know any of what the normal people go through, would you? You were born into a royal family, lived in that palace for years surrounded by everything that you wanted and needed. Your entire life's been bubble-wrapped for you.

Serena stood up from her chair, walking closer to seonghwa as she said

Serena : yeah, because that's totally why I left all of those for you, my title, my riches, my entire life! I left everything for you, park seonghwa.

Seonghwa : and? Are you saying you're not having a comfortable life here in this ship, then? While my entire crew goes out and fights battles, looting money for so much as being able to afford simple food, you sit here idle, trying on your new dresses and playing princess with it. And even worse, you steal the money left on this ship to go buy your new dresses in order to feed that same dumb, stupid fantasy of yours!

Serena : is that your problem? Money?

Seonghwa : oh darling, I have so much more problems, but this is one of the many other problems that you cause me to worry about.

Serena stared at seonghwa before stepping away from him, leaning down and taking her shoes off of her feet, the one she usually never took off. She threw them at seonghwa, making it hit his chest before falling on the wooden floor with a thud.

Serena : sell these and you'll get half of your money back. And as for the other half, I'll manage.

Serena was about to move past seonghwa when he held her arm, looking straight into her eyes as he asked

Seonghwa : manage how?

Serena : you do not need to know. You said money was the problem, and I said I'll get it for you.

Serena pulled her arm away from his grip, looking away from seonghwa as she whispered

Serena : you're a pirate, aren't you. Isn't this how you do a proper trade?

___________________________

Serena had decided to sleep in a room separate from seonghwa today. The reason partly being her argument with seonghwa, and partly because she needed to do what she said she would. Find money.

And so when serena was sure everyone on the ship had slept, she got out from her bed and walked to the cupboard in her room, pulling out a cloak with a hoodie on it. She soon slipped out of her room, walking up to the end of the ship while looking around to make sure no one was around. And she was right, no one really was around. Serena put her hoodie on before jumping out of the ship and onto land, her bare feet coming in contact with the watery sand of the beach seonghwa's ship had been anchored on. It was a beach that had been abandoned because of how dangerous the tides were, hence it was the perfect spot for seonghwa and his crew to rest and reload their ship before beginning a new voyage.

Serena knew this place, because it was her place, her kingdom. It was why she had gone out in the morning while seonghwa and his crew had gone out to loot a house, because she had wanted to see her kingdom one last time before leaving. And then she had seen a good pair of shoes that reminded her of the ones her mother had once bought for her when she was a child, and so serena bought it. Which was what led to the fight with seonghwa in the first place. But he was right, she was in the wrong. And she knew just how to fix it.

Serena finally reached the night market, keeping her head down while walking to a stall she knew very well. It gave money for selling jewellery, which was exactly what serena had needed right now.

And once she was finally there, she pulled out the bracelet from her pocket, banging it on the table. The shopkeeper looked at her, his eyes widening at the sight of the bracelet

??? : you wish to sell, this?

Serena : yes. And I expect a 20,000 for it.

??? : you want it right now, then?

Serena : yes.

The shopkeeper nodded and walked further inside the shop, making serena sigh as she looked back at the bracelet on the table next to her. This was one of the only things serena had taken with her when she left the palace, her royal bracelet. But now she had to sell it, and she blamed herself for it.

Serena yelped as she felt someone cover her mouth from behind, making her eyes widen. Oh no, seonghwa was going to kill her for this. Serena tried biting onto the hand, but realized that it was gloved. There was no way out for her now.

And soon enough serena felt herself start to lose consciousness from the medicine that was most definitely poured into the gloves, the world growing dark behind her eyes as she finally shut them.

____________________________

San : captain! Seonghwa, wake up!

Seonghwa groaned, opening his eyes as it landed on a panting san who seemed to be covered in sweat. Seonghwa sat up, looking at san with confused sleepy eyes.

Seonghwa : what is it, san-ah?

San : serena! She's gone.

That was all it had taken for seonghwa to rush out of his room, running into serena's room that seemed to be filled with his other crew members. Seonghwa looked around as he asked

Seonghwa : when did you find her gone?

Yeosang : when I woke up, which was 15 minutes ago.

Hongjoong : do you have any idea where she went, hwa?

"As for the other half of the money, I'll manage"

Seonghwa quickly walked up to serena's cupboard, throwing it open as he scanned inside. He let out a scoff as he realized that her bracelet was gone.

Seonghwa : I think I do.

___________________________

Wooyoung : are you worried about her?

Seonghwa : no, she's always been a brat.

Yes, because she was the love of his life. He didn't know how to live without her, and he couldn't even imagine losing her. Seonghwa was scared to the core, because if serena had actually sold that bracelet of hers and got the money, she would've returned to the ship by now. But she hadn't. which only meant one thing, she was kidnapped. And that worried seonghwa. But he was also furious, both towards serena and to the people who had kidnapped her. He was going to kill the latter half, actually murder.

Mingi : well I am.

Seonghwa's eyes landed on a store that read "Exchange stall", knowing this was it. Serena had told seonghwa about this place before, about how this was the one store where she would do all the illegal things, even when she was a princess. This would definitely be where serena had gone.

Seonghwa walked up to the store, wooyoung and mingi by his side.

Seonghwa : are you the shopkeeper?

??? : as you can see. What do you have for exchange?

Seonghwa eyed around the store, knowing there was something uncanny about this place straight away. He needed to push further.

Seonghwa : I do have something, but I would rather we discussed this inside the store. It's quite personal.

The shopkeeper nodded. Wooyoung leaned towards mingi with a smile as he whispered

Wooyoung : how stupid can one be?

Mingi : tell me about it.

Soon seonghwa, wooyoung and mingi were all inside the store with the shopkeeper, who was motioning them to sit on a sofa that was laid out. Seonghwa looked around the room with careful eyes, looking out for the bracelet. It was nowhere to be found, of course.

And so seonghwa sat down on the sofa, looking straight at the shopkeeper as he pulled out a stash of gold coins from his pocket, putting it right on the table in front of him. The shopkeeper looked at it with large eyes, shocked.

Seonghwa : we wish to do something different. Money, for the royal bracelet.

The shopkeeper quickly looked up at seonghwa at the mention of the bracelet before saying

Shopkeeper : who said I have the princess' royal bracelet.

He had just dug his own grave.

Seonghwa : I hear no denial.

Wooyoung stepped forward and caught the shopkeeper by his hand, mingi holding onto the other as the shopkeeper screamed. But seonghwa quickly kept his hand against the shopkeeper's mouth, leaning down before putting his hand into the shopkeeper's pocket. The shopkeeper squirmed, trying to get out of there. But wooyoung's and mingi's grip were strong on him, there was no way out anymore.

Seonghwa pulled out the bracelet from the pocket as he stared at it, fury rising in him as seonghwa glared at the man in front of him.

Seonghwa : where is she?

Shopkeeper : I do not know.

Seonghwa punched the man right in the face, making him cough up blood as he groaned in pain.

Seonghwa : I will not ask again, you bastard. Where, is my princess?

_____________________

Serena : are you seriously going to hold me ransom?

??? : you're crown princess, I'm sure your parents will pay quite the big price for you.

Serena : are you stupid? I left my parents, and the court. My brother, is crown prince now. No one's going to give anything for me after I disgraced my entire family.

??? : really. Wanna test that out, my lady?

Serena sighed and sat back against the chair, the ropes around her already starting to cut through her skin. She had no idea where she was, she's been in this room since forever and the only person she's seen is this man in front of her, who was also the one who kidnapped her that night in the market.

At least she was fed regularly.

Serena : please. If it's money you want-

??? : you can give it to me?

Serena : just let me go.

??? : or what? You'll kill me.

Serena : no. but someone else will and that is not going to be pretty at all.

??? : who, park seonghwa?

Serena paused, confusion filling her as she asked

??? : you know him?

The man chuckled, leaning back against his chair as he said

??? : you think I kidnapped you only because you're a princess, then? I know you're his, and I know the things he could do to save you.

Serena : really. So if my parents disagree to give you the ransom, you're just going to blackmail seonghwa instead?

??? : you're quite smart for a lady.

Serena : don't sputter bullshit, sir. I've met many ladies who have much more thinking capabilities than you do and ever will.

The man stood up, walking up to serena before grabbing her by the hair as he said

??? : one more word, and they'll have to pay ransom for your dead body.

Serena : try me.

??? : are you threatening me?

Serena : aren't you going to kill me anyway?

??? : such a mouth for some princess. If anything, I expected you to already have started crying by now.

Except serena knew seonghwa would find her, it was only a matter of time. And she needed to stall this man, crying wasn't going to help her in there.

??? : well-

The man cut himself off as a scream was heard from outside, followed by footsteps. Serena smiled, looking up at the man as she whispered

Serena : oops.

The door to the room was kicked open, the door breaking apart as it fell on the ground with a thud. Seonghwa entered the room, the severed head of the shopkeeper held by his hair in seonghwa's hand. Seonghwa lifted the head up to his face with raised eyebrows, looking at the man next to serena as he said

Seonghwa : guess whose head is also going to be added to my treasury.

________________________

Serena : is this how you treat your wounded lady, hwa?

Seonghwa didn’t seem to be playing along with serena's jokes. He was just dragging her further into his ship, a cold look on his face. The fight had been quite brutal, serena had seen it for herself. She had a few wounds herself, but seonghwa's and his crew's were worse. And it was all because of her. The man was right, seonghwa could do anything for her.

Serena : has it been more than a day since I…left?

Seonghwa : it's been four.

Serena's eyes widened at that, not having realized it. She had been asleep for a long time, she supposed.

Serena : were you worried for me?

Seonghwa pushed her into their room in the ship, shutting the door behind him as he said

Seonghwa : no. I was not.

Serena's lips turned into a small pout, trying to come closer to seonghwa as she said

Serena : but you came to save me.

Serena was about to touch seonghwa's hair when he pushed her away, confusing serena. Why wasn't he happy to see her?

Seonghwa : are you kidding me, serena? If you wanted to make money by selling yourself, you should've just told me. I could've sold you to someone myself.

Serena : seonghwa.

Seonghwa : what? What is it? What more do you want from me, serena!

Serena looked away, muttering under her breath

Serena : you're angry with me.

Seonghwa : do you know what you've done? Do you have any idea, the troubles you've caused?

Serena opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by seonghwa tearing his shirt apart, his wounds coming to her sight. Serena gasped, her eyes running along the bandages that were wrapped around a few day-old wounds and fresh ones left open all over his upper body.

Serena : no. you're hurt.

Serena was about to come closer to seonghwa when he said

Seonghwa : DO NOT COME CLOSER TO ME!

Serena flinched at that, stepping back in part fear. Seonghwa let out a breath, looking away as he said

Seonghwa : do you know the amount of wounds that you have caused to my other crew, serena? Within the span of 4 fucking days, we have had to run around this entire kingdom of yours, threatening and begging people to tell us where you might have been.

Serena : I'm sorry.

Seonghwa : NO YOUR SORRY DOESN'T FUCKING CUT IT! Because if it weren't for you, if I hadn't fucking taken you in, none of this would've been required.

Serena stared at seonghwa with teary eyes as he scoffed and said

Seonghwa : I've wasted so much on you. So much time, money, love. You've just become a burden to my crew and I now, serena.

Serena looked away from seonghwa, tears falling down her eyes as she whispered

Serena : a burden.

Seonghwa looked up at that, his eyes softening at the sight of her tears.

Serena : then let me go.

Seonghwa : what?

Seonghwa blinked his eyes as serena walked past him towards the door, throwing it open as she stepped out of the room. Seonghwa quickly followed her as he asked

Seonghwa : what the hell are you doing?

Serena : leaving. Letting you go of your burdens.

Seonghwa stepped forward, holding serena's arm as he said

Seonghwa : serena what the fuck? You can't just step out like that.

Serena : why! If I want to leave then just let me go!

Seonghwa : and? Where the hell are you going to go, huh?

Serena : to…to the palace.

Seonghwa : so you can get yourself executed? Serena, you aren't crown princess anymore. You ran away from that palace, you think they will accept you back with open arms now?

Serena : THEN JUST LET ME GET EXECUTED!

Serena shook seonghwa's hand off her, moving past him in order to step towards the exit. But seonghwa stepped in front of her again, shaking his head.

Seonghwa : after all that I had to do to get you back? You're just going to put yourself in danger again?

Serena : well you don’t have to save me this time, seonghwa. This isn't on you, it's on me.

Seonghwa : EXCEPT IT ISN'T! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS ON ME BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Serena froze, staring at seonghwa as he let out an exasperated breath, cupping serena's cheek in his hand.

Seonghwa : what is wrong with you! Do you not understand? Yes, you are a burden. Yes, you bring me and my crew trouble but you also…you also give us happiness. You give us all a meaning, you give me a life, serena.

Serena : I-

Seonghwa : no! you cannot leave now. It will shatter me, princess. Please, don't leave me.

Serena stared at seonghwa who was now breathing heavily, tears in his eyes. Seonghwa connected his forehead with hers, closing his eyes as he whispered

Seonghwa : I'm yours, my life, my money, my everything…it's all yours. If you die, I die with you.

Serena sniffled, holding seonghwa's arm as she whispered

Serena : I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, hwa.

Seonghwa shook his head.

Seonghwa : I don't care anymore, please just don't leave me. You can have all the money that you want-

Serena : no, no no. I don't…I don't care about any of that, seonghwa. I just, I want to be able to make you happy. And I've been taught that if…if I wear pretty dresses and shoes, and make myself beautiful, that would be the only way to make a man happy. So I thought-

Seonghwa : no. no princess, you're beautiful even if you're wearing a farmer's dress. I don't care if you're covered in mud, or drenched in water, or…or whatever. You're beautiful however you are, I love you. You do not have to be doing anything else except being healthy and happy for me.

Serena smiled, opening her eyes as she looked at the wounds on seonghwa's chest

Serena : can I touch you?

Seonghwa : god, you don't even have to ask, princess. You can do whatever you want to me.

Serena chuckled, running her hand along his wounds lightly as she whispered

Serena : does it hurt a lot?

Seonghwa : I've had worse.

Serena : and…the rest of the crew?

Seonghwa : they'll be fine too, as long as you stay.

Serena : I'll stay. I'll stay as long as you like because you mean the world to me too, hwa. I love you more than you could imagine.

Seonghwa pulled back, taking the bracelet out of his pocket as serena gasped

Serena : you took it back.

Seonghwa : it's yours, as it always will be.

Seonghwa took serena's hand and put the bracelet around it before kissing her hand.

Serena : thank you.

Seonghwa smiled, leaning forward and capturing her lips in his. Serena's arms wrapped itself around his neck, pulling him closer to her as she smiled into the kiss.

Seonghwa : my princess.

Serena : all yours.

Jongho : YAH! CAN YOU JUST NOT DO THAT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES, GOD!

Serena pulled back with a laugh, making seonghwa smile. Serena looked up at the floor just above them, the entire crew watching seonghwa and serena with a smile.

Serena : have you been watching us the entire time?

Yunho : we need our drama too.

Serena smiled, motioning them to come down. And they all did, a smile on their faces as they crushed seonghwa and serena into a hug.

Seonghwa : oh god, ya'all need to bath sometime.

Hongjoong : shut the fuck up, captain, we're having a moment.

Seonghwa smiled as he patted their heads, feeling complete. This was all he had ever wanted, and now he had it. His family.

Serena : thank you, for having rescued me with all that trouble.

Wooyoung : what thank you. We would've done that any day, any time.

San : you're our captain's entire world, and a part of our family, we can't let that fall away. And! You make nice apple pies.

Yeosang : aish! What's wrong with this kid.

San : kid?! I'm 23 years old!

Serena smiled at all of them, feeling much happier than she ever did in any palace of hers.

Serena : I'll make all the apple pies in the world for all of you.

___________________________

[tennisarchives]

warning for a clearly anxiety-ridden oversharing freakout below the cut. sorry. i’m too sensitive and i’m unfortunately acutely aware of it.

tldr; im being a drama queen. gonna take a tumblr break for a week or two. to my mutuals, feel free to dm for my insta. i’ll be active until i wake up tomorrow morning and then i’m gonna zip

gonna preface this by saying this is in no way directed to the people whom i actually talk to constantly on here like you lot were lovely and im just dealing with a lot of demons in my head :(

anyway. sometimes i feel more like a product manufacturer than a person on here. and idk. i know most of you guys are really just following me for gifs and content and whatever but. yeah. idk. i guess the things i say don’t matter to anyone unless it’s funny. or if people want to call me out. not that im mad abt that exactly btw i do appreciate when people respectfully call me out for my own mistakes but. sometimes. i feel like im in a fishbowl and you’re all just waiting for me to say something wrong and cancel me. or then again, maybe most of you already think im a shit person and you just stay for the gifs. or maybe you guys think i’m a loser who has nothing to do but spend all day on this goddamn website.

and i know, somewhere inside me, that that’s not true and that it’s clearly the anxiety talking. maybe it’s just me maybe i’m making this up in my head i dunno. but i’m just kinda tired right now. too tired to battle the anxiety like usual at least. and i don’t really feel wanted outside of the content i produce, beyond the notes of my gifs or my fun posts. which ik shouldn’t matter but. i’m a pathological people pleaser etc etc.

(god, seeing this all typed out, i can’t even fucking blame you guys if you actly don’t like me cause. i kinda wanna shake myself by the shoulders and tell myself get a grip girl the world doesn’t revolve around you shut up shut up shut your damn mouth—)

i’ve been trying to manage by unfollowing and blocking a few people (which btw, if i did that to you and we used to be mutuals, it’s probably nothing personal i mostly just kept people i’m a bit closer to). but i’m still not really settled. and considering how i’m posting like every other day about feeling like shit, you guys probably figured that out lmao.

and well. on a separate note. seeing that rat’s name alone is too much for me sometimes. i couldn’t watch his game with carlos. i spent hours in his match with daniil turned away from the television, wearing noise canceling headphones while trying (and failing) to talk myself down from a full blown anxiety attack. i’ve said this before but the way people talk about him, both the fucked up silence and the justified outrage, it reminds me way too much about a family problem i have right now. hits uncomfortably close to home. prior to this i kinda thought i’d made my peace with the whole family situation but no apparently not. had he won the semis, i wasn’t even sure if i would be able to stomach cheering for jannik if it meant having to watch that man play.

so. idk. between the way actual tennis has been making me feel and the way tennisblr in general has seemed for me lately, i figure i need some space.

long story short ive been spending way too much time on tumblr this ao. and its gotten really bad for my mental health i guess. so i think i need to take maybe a week or two, to clear my head. watch tennis without opening this app every other point. spend time with people i love. get back to therapy. try to be a functioning adult.

(this is so fucking dramatic for a goddamn week of no tumblr i know that and i want to smack myself upside the head because why am i like this why do i make things snowball why why why—)

anyway. yeah. that’s it. if you actually read through all of that then. thanks. if not it’s okay too.

to my mutuals, the ones whom i’ve had at least some form of friendly interaction with in replies or dms, you can ask for my insta account btw. not that i’m crazy active on there but like. if you guys wanna be friends beyond the anonymity of this yknow. no pressure though.

[scarasimping]

Scara having a scar from you but it reminded him of when he first kinda met you is the cutest thing <333

Y/n definitely traces his scars and asks for him to tell his tales his story’s

ALSO when Scara first met reader he definitely did some enemy’s with benefits kinda deal ;) (u can thank me later) he’s pinning you to the wall but your not attacking eachother just straight up flirting

(not proofread whoops im at work writing this)

YES TRACING HIS SCARS IS SOMETHING I THINK ABT 25/8

youre laying on pirate! scara's chest, one leg draped over his and your fingers trace over his scars ever so gently like he was the most precious gem to exist. swear to god this man's never felt so loved in his life. you're asking about the story behind every scar on his body, and he tells you each one with no complaints, loving how softly you touch him and how intently you're looking up at him as he talks.

the crew is probably so confused at just how much he tells you because before you, he barely said anything outside of the orders he gave or planning routes with the first mate.

so how the hell do you get him to talk so much? they'll never know.

the enemies with benefits thing though??? (/pos)

i originally had the idea for pirate scara because i wanted to write something enemies to lovers with him, so enemies with benefits is very plausible in this universe!!!

scara had just snuck into the castle once more, and after a long and surprisingly difficult sword fight, he had you pinned to the wall, his blade hovering just above your throat, yet all you could do was smile at him.

you probably say something stupid like "so, you break into girl's homes and pin them to walls often? or is this new for both of us?" or "is that a dagger in your pocket or do you like this position a little too much?"

and hes just??? is she really being so crass when her life is being threatened??

but as situations like this kept happening almost every night and then tension kept growing thicker between the two of you, one day he couldn't help himself and instead of his sword against your throat, he presses his own lips against it instead.

this man does it initially to see what kind of reaction you would give, thinking maybe it would stop the snarky comments from coming from you.

and it worked, for a second...

you let out a soft yelp as scara bites down on the flesh of your throat, one hand shooting to hold onto his head.

the quiet doesn't last long though

"this is how you really feel about me, huh?"

"can't you shut up for once?" he would say, pulling away from your neck and kissing your lips instead. he keeps you pinned to the wall, his whole body pressed against yours as you eagerly kiss him back, gripping the strands of indigo hair.

and im gonna end it there because we all know i get carried away and i will turn this into another full fic if i dont 😭😭

[totalfknloser]

zakk x reader but enemies to lovers perchance ...

headcanon format maybe ... like maybe abt how zakk & reader became enemies in the first place, zakk realising he was actually starting to like reader, zakk realising he was actually starting to LOVE reader,, yada yada ya .. you could even mix some smut in there if you wanted to like a hate fuck or something like that 🤞🤞

once again thank youuu so much and no worries if you cant fit everything i suggested in those are just some loose ideas that i like !! but i'm curious to see what you think 🫶 love ur writing thank you again

SORRY THID TOOK ME FOREVER! also oh my gosh i was writing some enemies to lovers shit but i felt like it was too gooey and sweet so i just made up this weird situation 😭 HELP I HOPE ITS OKAY!! also this is a very odd and unusual scenario LMAO but i felt like it fit better than enemies to lovers like more…. idk in script? SORRY THIS TOOK AO SO LONG OMFGGGFF

.<⛧ ^.♡.^⛧>.

⛧ okay so like you’re friends with Brodie and you met after Zakk and Brodie met each other and you’re starting to get closer to each other than Zakk originally is with Brodie and that pisses Zakk off

⛧ one day Brodie invites the both of you to hang out together with him and you are hesitant cause you weren’t really a fan of Zakk with the way he acted towards you constantly but you said yes just for Brodie.

⛧ Zakk was like.. totally an ass. as hot as he was, he was mean. he made mean comments to you under his breath and shit like that but that didn’t decrease your slight attraction for him. the attraction he had growing for you came less soon but came to be as strong as ever. you both absolutely couldn’t deny the feelings for each other but you hid it very well.

⛧ Brodie continued to invite the both of you to be all together, but that didn’t stop the mutual dislike and that mutual dislike absolutely did not stop the heated sexual tension that started to grow.

⛧ more and more hanging out created more sexual tension as i’ve said many times, but it also created a little romantic attraction that started to grow even bigger. one day you guys were at Zakk’s and Brodie left, which was unusual cause you were usually the first to leave. you guessed he just had something to do.

⛧ you were getting ready to leave when Zakk was like “Wanna fuck?” blunt and brutal. and you paused and then were like “Excuse me?” you said, lips parted and eyes squinted into confusion. you thought you misheard him till he asked again. you paused, thinking about a yes or no. you knew you wanted to but you were so.. shocked? “Uh, sure. When?” you stated, face red with a sigh.

⛧ your face was bright red and your body was heated while making out with Zakk. you were both already undressed and covered in love bites when he pulled away and asked the question. “You ready?” he whispered. “Yeah.” you whispered back. “Move.” he said, patting next to him. once you did as he asked, Zakk adjusted his position so that he was laying down, back to the bed.

⛧ you got on top of him, his thick cock prodding your hole as you were facing him. his hands traveled to you hips to help guide you down on him. you let out a sigh when the both of you gently pushed downwards, his hands gripping tighter and tighter on your hips and your sounds getting louder and louder as his hard cock pushed deeper.

⛧ once you finally pushed completely downwards, you had to have a second to adjust. Zakk was real thick and pretty long and he knew it, he was used to people having to wait a second before they or he could move.

⛧ you mumbled a soft “Fuck!” as you started to move, his dick stretching you out nicely. the pace was slow at first. your moans were loud and whiny when you finally picked up the pace, your skin smacking against both of yours as you rode him.

⛧ sweat was beading down both of your bodies as you both were overcome with bliss. his dick hitting all the right places inside of you sent pleasure through your body.

⛧ skin slapping, deep grunts from Zakk, and high pitched moans from you intoxicated the air. Zakk was griping tighter and tighter, leaving little purple bruises on your skin. his hands started to trail upwards on your body, pressing and rubbing at your nipples which you let out a whine in response.

⛧ when you both were getting close to your release, the both of your sounds started to be more desperate. the sound of skin smacking only got louder and loud as you bounced up and down faster on his dick, trying to cum as soon as possible. once you both finally got there you both moaned in pure pleasure, bodies intertwined together as you both shared this unforgettable memory.

⛧ once you pulled off and laid back on him, you started to realize these feelings of hate directed at the boy you were on top of, were feelings of love. of course you didn’t wanna tell Zakk that though. eventually you both drifted to sleep, holding each other in both arms.

⛧ after that night, the hate between the both of you faded entirely. the both of you couldn’t hide the love that showed for each other. a long time later of just talking and cuddles while Brodie wasn’t around, you asked the question the both of you have been waiting for. “Do you wanna like, go out sometime?” you whispered. “Yeah.” he replied.

⛧ you both love each other very very much and it never ends!!!!!!!!!!

.<⛧ ^.♡.^⛧>.

I AM. SO SORRY. THIS TOOK. ME SO. LONG DUDE. i could’ve wrote this in like idk 1 hour and i took over a day.. my sincerest apologies dawg also to the owner of this account i’m literally your biggest fan keep the asking coming man!! ALSO YOU CANT JUST SAY PERCHANCE!

[b4ry0nyx]

this is a random vent

a while back my dog randomly attacked my cat. i loved them both so much. basically my cat was on the counter and i was warming up some food. my dog was on the floor waiting for the food cos he thought i’d give him some. i pushed my cat away from the food and he jumped off the counter then my dog just started attacking him. it happened so suddenly and it was so unexpected. i tried so hard to get him off but my dog was a staffy so he had that death grip. my brother was also with me he was screaming and panicking, i was panicking tryna get my cat out of my dogs mouth. honestly that was really traumatising. that was my childhood cat yk idk. that whole event. it’s hard to explain how traumatising it was but yeah. my cat ended up not surviving. we kept my dog. then on february 21 my dog attacked my brother. my brother is fine but it was really bad. i was getting ready in the other room then me and my mum heard my brother screaming. i had to pull my dog off my brothers arm. the thing is he wasn’t aggressive at all he would coddle all the time. he loved us all. and he used to sleep in my bed so idk the explanation for these 2 events.

anyways i’m not sure if i have some sort of ptsd from these and i’m not sure if my feelings are valid. the worst thing is how attached i was to my dog. i loved him so much. he was literally the centre of my life i devoted all my time to him he’s all i cared about and now he’s gone. we had to give him away immediately so he was in a shelter for a bit. that sucked but i thought i might be able to seehim one day cos i thought he was getting rehomed but i found out that he got put down on march 1st. i didn’t even get to say good bye yk.

so yeah i just feel so shit about everything. idk what was up with him. and it’s not like i had control over what happened in both cases. i don’t blame him at all cos i love him. i miss him everyday. it sucks cos i do get really bad flashbacks to the events whenever i see slightly aggressive behaviour in animals or when i hear people scream. even that one scene in jurassic park lost world when the guy was getting attacked by complies that’s really triggering for some reason. i’m not sure if it’s valid to have trauma from those experiences or not. also i miss him so much even after what happened, i mean that dog was my life,i lived for him yk? idk i just feel kinda empty and so alone without him.

anyways this was a very long random vent i just dumped a bunch of info for no reason. i can’t really talk to anyone about it cos i don’t open up to people and i hate being vulnerable. i can kinda talk to my bf abt it cos when my dog attacked my brother i was getting ready to go meet up with him and the attack happened 2 mins before we was gonna leave so my bf had to meet me at the hospital so he knows abt it but i don’t wanna talk abt it. also he just got a puppy and i don’t wanna bring the mood down yk

it’s also really hard to live with these memories. like i feel like i’ve experienced my fair share of terrible stuff but this hurrrtttss bro. it’s so much harder to exist. these memories are 😬😬. i think my anxiety has gotten worse as well. idk bruh, pretty shit situation. i just wanna know if my feelings are valid also apologies if i didn’t explain this very well.

so i don’t think anyone will actually read this shit but yeah :)

[satorugojooo]

hi so i've recently done the sumeru archon quest and the entire time for which i was with alhaitham i couldn't help but keep seeing him as a peacock so i was wondering if you could write something with alhaitham where the reader keeps calling him a peacock because i just think his reactions would be funny

A/n: sorry for the late reply but I've been busy with a lot of things since I'll start my final school year in some days! I honestly agree so much like Alhaitham gives off peacock vibes he's literally just like one.

Pairings: Alhaitham x gn!reader

Warnings: just spoilers from the sumeru archon quest

You were a secretary in the Akademiya, you owned a dendro vision and you were pretty smart in everyone's eyes. You didn't know what was going on in Port Ormos but many scholars said that they got scammed by some Emerites, so for the sake of the scholars you were sent by the sages to get rid of these so called scammers.

As you walked around you noticed some Emerites talking to a boy from a foreign land, and another tall men that you barely knew about. His name was Alhaitham if you recalled correctly and he was working under the Akademiya. As you approached them you saw the Emerites throw some mora at the boy.

"This isn't over Alhaitham, mark my words." one of them said as you walked to them.

"Hm? Y/n, I don't think we had the pleasure to properly make acquaintance." Alhaitham said when he saw you stop in front of him.

"Yes we didn't, but I know of you. Tell me, we're those the Emerites that scam a lot of people and scholars?" you said and he nodded.

"Yes that's indeed true, do you have some business with them perhaps?" he told you and you just nodded.

"Yes, I was sent here on the behalf of the Akademiya because many scholars got scammed." you said and he nodded.

"What about we both track them down Hm?" he asked and you looked surprised. For alhaitham to help someone well, he had a very rational way of thinking and didn't let emotions affect him, so he surely wanted something out of this situation.

"Mmm alright, but how are we going to track them?" you asked and he just gave you a sly smile.

"With the help of this traveler of course." he said and he told you everything he knew abt this traveler. After planning everything the traveler left to see a merchant called dori.

As you and Alhaitham strolled trough the busy streets from Port Ormos you looked at him.

"So how does it come that I never got to talk to you even tho your working under the Akademiya like me?" you asked and he just shrugged.

"The sages always keep you busy, I couldn't even see you in the Akademiya, so approaching you was impossible." he said and you nodded.

"The sages can be... A bit weird I gotta admit but I have no choice but to obey them" you told him and he looked at you annoyed.

"Those sages are the shame of the nation, who would thought such people would represent the land of wisdom." he said and you couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's so funny?" he asked all of a sudden and you smiled at him.

"Ah nothing really you just reminded me of a peacock." you said and he looked at you shocked. It was the first time Alhaitham was left speachless by someone.

"À what now ??" he asked and you started laughing while going ahead.

"What you heard Mr Peacock~"you said and he walked up to you to hold your wrist. Exactly when you turned to him to look in his beautiful eyes as he looked at you, the both of you were interrupted.

"So uhm... Are we interrupting something?" Paimon said and you quickly snatched your hand from his grip looking in the ground.

"Ah traveler your back, well then did you manage to get dori on your side?" Alhaitham asked acting as if nothing happened.

"She said she will have some new products in some days, so that's when we will visit her again." Paimon said and Alhaitham nodded.

"Okay then, well see each other in 2 days." he said and with that the traveler left.

"Come" Alhaitham said and you looked at him quizzically.

"Where are we going?" you asked and he just shook his head.

"We will stay in the building owned by the Akademiya for now, we can't leave the Emerites without seeing what are they up too." he said and you nodded.

"Fine by me Peacock." you said and he gave you a sharp look.

"What do I have to do for you to stop calling me like that?" he said and you chuckled.

"I'm not so sure sir but it's a fitting name" you said and exactly when he wanted to approach you someone frowned.

"Seriously? Even here I bump into your annoying head?" the voice said and you looked only to see Kaveh. You knew that he was living with Alhaitham because he had huge debt but you didn't know more about that matter.

"What are you doing here Kaveh..." Alhaitham said with a straight face and Kaveh came to you. You encountered him a few times while he planned the library in the Akademiya and he was a very easy going guy.

"The question is why are you with y/n hm you really want to annoy them as well?" he said putting an arm over you and you just gave him a sharp look.

"Nice to see you too Kaveh." you said and he just smiled down at you.

"long time no see y/n!" he said and you nodded.

"Kaveh didn't you learn about private space? And you can continue your business here I bet you did not come here to meet y/n right." Alhaitham said pushing Kaveh lightly.

"Are you jealous or what now?" Kaveh said and you didn't want them to argue.

"Oh what about we calm down Hm? Kaveh, me and Alhaitham had business with the Akademiya so we should go to the residence owned by the Akademiya." you said and he frowned.

"Fineee, but be careful with this peacock y/n, hes à weird one." he said and Alhaitham gave him an annoyed look trying to go after him. You quickly placed your hand on his chest stopping him.

"No need to go after him, your smarter aren't you?" you said and for a brief second you saw him soften his look.

"Yes your right... I apologize that you had to see that side of me too." he told you and you smiled.

"It's okay, I won't judge you for that because I can't really agree with Kaveh, I think that your quite misunderstood by him." you said and he gave you a puzzled look.

"Oh? Does that mean I value something in your eyes?" he asked getting closer and you just shrugged.

"Maybee~" you said and started walking ahead him.

The next day you both were looking at the sunset together after you got to see how it is to work outside the Akademiya.

"Thank you for these days Alhaitham, I don't think I would had the chance to witness so much without you." you said and he just smiled.

"It's nothing really, I'm glad you enjoyed your time." he said and you nodded.

"I hope to see you even after this mess ends." you said and he looked at the sky.

"Of you want to see me then we will meet again no matter what." he said and you looked at him.

"Thank you Mr Peacock~" you said giggling and he gave you a surprised look.

"Oh come on I thought you quit with that nickname." he said while getting closer to you.

"Nope that's my way of saying that I care for you so I won't quit." you said and he looked at you.

"You... Care for me?" he asked and then you realized what you said.

"Uhh, I mean, I care for every friend... Yes that right!" you tried to mumble but seeing that he gave you a smile you lowered your head defeated.

"Oh come now no need to hide, after all..." he said taking your chin and making you look in his eyes.

"I care for you as well." he said as he closed the distance between you two.

The traveler and paimon approached Port Ormos in hopes to find Alhaitham and Y/n but when they did... They were quite stunned.

"Are those two... Alhaitham and Y/n??" Paimon said and Aether just chuckled as he shook his head.

"Let's go paimon, we don't wanna interrupt anything." he said walking away.

[flanklurker]

Hello !! I ADORE your work, and I was wondering if I could request a Yoru x F!Healer!Reader with some Hurt/Comfort ?? I have this idea where : Yoru and Reader have a similar relationship as him and Phoenix (very competitive) but maybe they get into a petty argument and Yoru ofc is really cold and mean and says something totally out of line a few days before a mission (maybe Abt how she's no one's first pick when getting healed) ?? The rest of the protocol can feel the tension but don't say anything when they get to the mission location ; Eventually our team wins but as Reader does one last sweep of the area alone she finds Mirror!Yoru in bad condition, and they sort of come to an agreement that Reader will heal him (bc she can't stand to see him hurt even though she's upset w him) and then they will never speak of this again ?? Maybe some small talk and Mirror!Yoru is being surprisingly nice and gives her advice on how to approach Yoru... Once they part ways and Reader gets back to base, it slips out what happened as she's talking with Mirror!Yoru and instead of being really angry, Yoru is confused and is like "Why would you heal him / me, after all that mean shit I said to you ? Wouldn't I be the last person you look for? " and they eventually make up- bc I JUST KNOW Yoru has a hard time coming to terms with the fact people genuinely care Abt him. IM SO SORRY IF THIS IS A LOT / NOT ANYTHING YOUD WANT TO WRITE !! THANK YOU EITHER WAY <3

This prompt brought me so much joy, I’m an absolute slut for hurt/comfort pump that shit straight into my veins. Hope you like~

Yoru x Fem!Healer!Reader: Kiss and make up

Yoru wasn’t usually this pissy. Like,, you get it. He has a reputation to uphold as a hypercompetitive, cool bastard. Sure.

But making such a big deal out of not being selected for the mission to Portugal in Omega? It was clearly hitting him hard.

“Awww Yoru, don’t be such a buzzkill,” Phoenix calls over the milk jug. “Like, you know we have multiple teams right? Like, they need you for icebox. No one else can fuck around with the enemy’s intel on the ground like you can my guy.”

Yoru’s eyebrow twitches and his hands fiddle idly with the spoon in his hand. “What’s it to you, fire boy? You can barely last ten seconds when you get going, I’m surprised they’d take you anywhere.”

Phoenix lets out a low whistle. “Someone’s got his cranky pants on this morning hey.” He turns to you with a pointed look. “Good luck with that one.”

You clap Phoenix on the shoulder as he heads out from the table, and settle down next to Yoru, who maintains a stony silence.

“Yoooooru,” you call gently. He shifts with irritation, jabbing his spoon back into the cereal with a wet thunk. “Hey there, how ya doing hotshot?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather girl.”

Ah, it was gonna be like that, huh.

You take a mouthful, and nonchalantly ask: “hey, you looking forward to icebox? I hear they have some pretty good recreation activities for team bonding~”

His grip tightens further. Yep, definitely pissy about it.

You continue, innocently enough: “I for one am looking forward to checking out the geodome on Omega and testing out these sweet kicks Neon got me. Thoughts?”

You gently nudge his foot under the table. A vein pops in his forehead.

“At least I’m not a pity pick, you shady bitch.”

“Hoooo~? What’s that supposed to mean, Mr Sunshine?”

“I mean I just think it’s interesting that you’re supposed to be a healer but they also had to send Sage along.” He toes the ground and prods at his food without taking any.

“Uhhh, congrats Yoru, she’s the one person here that can bring people back from the dead.”

“Yeah, she’s actually helpful when she heals. Plus she doesn’t nag.”

Okay, you were starting to get a little irritated now.

“Dude, if you stopped getting yourself into stupid situations maybe I wouldn’t have to literally tell you what to do as much. I don’t think this is a me thing.”

“Keep telling yourself that Miss Nurse. But at the end of the day if I was stuck on a mission with someone annoying, I’d want them to at least be able to bring me back to life.”

Dude, fuck this guy.

“Welp, I’ll let Sage know then,” you say, rising abruptly from your seat. “On the mission, today. That Brim didn’t put you on.”

“See you later then, Miss MVP,” he sings back at you. You ignore the bait and stalk out.

Yoru maintains a cold smile as you leave, but it’s pushed out through gritted teeth and feigned apathy.

---

As much as this mission should have you on edge, you can’t quite process the gravity of the task for all the ruminating you’ve been doing. Why did it get under your skin so much when Yoru got like this?

It wasn’t like the other agents ever through shade on your abilities—quite the opposite. Very quickly after joining, you were put on a lot of the most demanding missions alongside all the high flyers. They’ve only ever had words of praise and gratitude, and objectively you’ve guided them through many many close calls.

So why did you feel so useless about it?

You try your best to shake yourself out of it as Brim gives the lowdown. Sova, Sage and Phoenix all stand, varying degrees of agitated as you went over the plan for what seemed like the umpteenth time.

You of course have familiarised yourself with the brief well in advance, but it looks like this time even Phoenix is giving his undivided attention to Brim.

The task is simple. Split your forces and push through B-site. Destroy enemy utility as you find it, wait for smokes and neutralise anything and anyone in your path.

As you start prepping your guns, Phoenix drifts over to fix up his frenzy next to you. Preoccupied in your own thoughts, you don’t notice till he gently shoulder chucks you.

You turn around with a ‘hmm?’ and for a moment it looks like he wants to say something. But then Brim starts issuing start-up commands and the moment passes. He heads back to join Sage at the entrance to mid.

You grit your teeth, and ready your rifle. No do-overs. Just guns up and go.

---

The attack goes… better than expected. Between you and Sage, you manage to keep any injuries on the crew to a minimum. Sova’s recon is on point, Phoenix creates space and Brim makes the right calls to keep you on track.

Eventually you stand, bloodied, sweating and alive in the middle of site. Sage tends to a couple of bullet holes in Brim’s shoulder, Phoenix is brushing the soot off his shoulder.

You clock Sova limping over to Brim, looking fairly haggard and favouring his left ankle. You get the sense this was a big fight for him even after a sleepless night. You can see him gesturing out to the entrances to site, and Brim pursing his lips in thought, clearly weighing something over. God. The man doesn’t rest.

You weigh up your options and sigh, eventually going over to put a gentle hand on Sova’s back, careful to avoid the deep gash in his right shoulder.

“C’mon owl boy, I’ve still got some recon stuff up my sleeve. Let me handle this one yeah?”

Sova’s noises of protest are quickly cut off as Brim chimes in: “That’d be great actually, kid. Just a regular sweep, and Kay/0’s on radar in case anything big comes up.” He shoots you a grateful look.

You can see Sova mulling things over, before eventually he accedes to Brim’s command. “Stay safe, dove.”

“You know me,” you call back over your shoulder, reloading your ammo and adjusting your straps. “If trouble finds me, she runs.”

You set to work, clearing area by area. You marvel at the architecture, embedded with radianite that now lays dormant in the walls and balustrades. Most of the technology resembles yours, but occasionally you come across wirings and contraptions that you haven’t seen back on your home world, even in Killjoy’s lab.

May as well snap a few pictures then. You’re sure she and Cypher would appreciate a couple of schematics.

Poised with your phone in hand, a very subtle shift from the corner of the room sets your hairs on end. Shit. You were pretty sure the team had cleared everything, but what if…?

Better safe than sorry. Taking a deep breath in, you send a warm pulse of energy out into the aether, seeing what pings.

One life form. Faint.

You swear under your breath and creep forward. You’re generally pretty quiet but you weren’t exactly operating on the basis that someone would be around to hear you when you started live-blogging your whereabouts. As you round the corner, you find a bloodied form, eyes very much open and staring at you.

Ugh. Of course it had to be him.

The mirror Yoru looks under you and mutters something you can just make out to be… ‘Fuck me. Really? Her?’

“Hey there pretty boy,” you murmur. He smiles wryly at the nickname, but can’t quite bite back a bloodied cough that wracks his body for a good ten seconds.

“Woah woah woah,” you say, instinct taking over as you crouch beside him and brace his back. He flinches a little at the touch before you snap back and realise that this isn’t your Yoru, this is the enemy. Fuck.

“What, you gonna play around before you kill me,” Yoru grimaces. You draw back, uncertain, and he taps the centre of his forehead. “The you I know would make it quick.”

Oof. Hearing him say that out loud was pretty jarring. You were supposed to kill him. He expected you to.

You swear again, and bend down once more to draw level with him, doing a quick pass over on his injuries. Left to his own devices, he won’t last long. There were enough bullets perforating his chest from his sternum to his kidney that he’d bleed out in minutes. What a way to go.

A thought occurs to you. You haven’t managed to neutralise his Sage. She’s still probably at base—you know your Brim only brings her out when she’s essential on the field, too important to lose to a regular field mission. So no matter what, the man in front of you ends up back at his base eventually.

That settles it.

“Hold still hotshot.”

Not in a position to protest, Yoru can’t do much but sit and try to steady his breathing as you start to pull back his jacket, wincing a little at the extent of the damage. Taking a swab of antiseptic from your pouch, you mutter a quick ‘deep breath, this is gonna hurt like a motherfucker’ before setting to work cleaning the wounds.

Apart from sharp hisses when you remove the little pieces of lead embedded in his tissue, Yoru stays silent through the process, looking away.

Eventually, the wound is tidy enough that you’re able to start the real healing process. Stretching out your fingers, you press the palm of your hand to his side. While he jerks back at the initial contact, the warm waves of energy start to work their magic, reverberating through muscle and tissue and starting to net it back together.

Yoru finally lets out a sigh as in spite of himself, he relaxes into your work. “Ugh, that’s the stuff,” he says, almost to himself. Eventually he ventures: “why are you doing this, mirror girl?”

“Your Sage would bring you back anyway. We might be on opposite teams, but I’m not an asshole. I’d hope my other half would do the same for my colleagues.”

“Hm,” he whistles through his teeth.

“Didn’t expect you to be a fan of my healing though,” you muse.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s stupid. I’m actually a little pissed at your double right now, he was being a real dick talking shit about wanting Sage to heal him instead.” You notice his amused expression. “Sorry.”

To your surprise, he actually laughs at this. “Yeah of course he’d say that. If he’s anything like me he’s a stubborn bastard more keen to score points than to actually tell the truth. Fucking dumbass.”

Well that’s unexpected. “You don’t think… he meant it?”

At this, Yoru scoffs. “God no. In fact, if he has taste like me, he’d take your healing over Sage’s any day. Hers is like. Proficient, right? Technically flawless. But it’s so cold. She’s been at it for a while, and healing is just another obligation for her. You though. Yours is warm. Spreads through you like the heat from one of those old-fashioned light bulbs. And something about the way your power works…”

Here he trails off for a second, noticing how intently you’re listening. “Go on,” you coax, moving your hands down to focus on his ribcage.

“Your healing has a lot of you in it. Any time your mirror—or you actually, now that I think about it—fixes me up, I can feel how much you care about helping me. It’s nice and comforting, like honey, or sunlight on your back or some shit.”

Oh. Okay then.

“Why would you tell me this,” you ask quietly, starting to finish up the process and apply a few rounds of gauze to stabilise the major wounds.

“I want to cause problems for him. It’s funny.” For once, there’s no malice or ego behind his words. It’s nice to see him surprisingly genuine.

You go to shoot back a retort, but the intercom crackles and Brim’s voice comes through. “Command to Patch, status report? It’s been a few.”

Yoru’s eyes flash for a second, suddenly aware of the danger he’s in. He shifts uncomfortably as you take breath before responding, keeping eye contact with the man in front of you.

“All clear Command, I’m returning to base shortly.”

Yoru lets out a low whistle. “Shit, and you could have been a narc about it.”

You give a wry smile. “I suppose you’re right. I’m assuming you’ll leave this off your mission report to Sage?”

He nods.

As you turn to leave, his hand grabs your wrist. “What is it, rift-squawker?”

“Talk to him, patchy. He’s dumb, and the people he likes most are the ones he pushes away the most. He’s terrified to lose them, but he’s even more terrified of things almost working out.”

“I don’t think he’s dumb,” you muse quietly. “But I’ll take your word for it. Take care yeah? Don’t let me have to patch you up again.”

You clap him on his good shoulder and head back to extraction. The last thing you hear from him, almost under his breath, is a quiet ‘maybe there is hope then.’

Whatever that means.

---

Back at base, things are way less tense. Aside from Omega team’s triumph, Icebox was a total wipeout and the team managed to secure valuable intel about the mirror protocol’s next movements.

After dragging your tired bones to the infirmary and having Skye give you a top up, you’re about to hit the sack when a familiar form crosses your path. A lot of your hackles from earlier have gone down, and what the mirror Yoru had said flashes through your mind.

“Yoru!”

He turns around, face surly as ever.

“What is it, healbot? Come to gloat about your victory on the new frontier?”

You push back the instinctual retort, and opt for a more peaceful route. “Eh, the geodome was a bit touristy. I hear Icebox went well though. I don’t know what you did to get Viper commending you, but it sounds like you let ‘em have it.”

Yoru’s a bit caught offguard by your lack of defensiveness, but it doesn’t stop him from shooting back “yeah, turns out not having a healer is no big deal, actually.”

“That’s not what he said,” you muse. That piques his interest.

“Who?”

Oh shit.

“Oh, y’know…” you say evasively, waving your hand.

“Probably Phoenix, he doesn’t know shit.”

Oh? Bet. “Literally you,” you say before you can stop yourself.

That gets his full attention.

“The fuck do you mean me, patchy? I haven’t told you jack shit.”

You shoot a furtive glance around the corridor, and pull him into a small maintenance room shutting the door behind.

“Mirror you, idiot.”

“Where the fuck did you find my bastard clone? Scratch that, how the fuck did you have a full conversation with him?”

Ugh, no going back now. “It was… an arrangement of sorts. He was pretty dinged up and I-“ your voice catches here. “I couldn’t exactly walk past him when he was so hurt.”

“So, what, you healed him with your magic healing powers,” Yoru says incredulously.

“Don’t be mad…”

“Actually?” Yoru’s voice peaks, and you have to shush him, checking the handle.

“Hey if it was you surely you’d want the mirror me to he-“

He cuts you off. “Obviously but why the fuck would you heal me after all the shit I said earlier?”

This catches you off guard. “You… you were hurt, I know I’m not Sage but I thought you’d rather not die.”

“But like I obviously wasn’t serious about the whole healing thing. Wait…” he catches sight of your expression. “You thought I was serious about preferring Sage’s healing to yours?”

“Until he said something about it, Yoru, yeah. It got under my skin.”

He rocks back and puts a hand to his forehead, grimacing. “Shit. God. Fuck. I’m…” He grits his teeth. “I’m sorry. I- yeah that was on me. You know I don’t mean it right?”

Wow. An actual apology from Yoru? The fuck kind of magic did mirror Yoru work?

“Yoru it’s, it’s fine. I guess I put a lot of myself into my healing so it’s a point of pride for me. It kinda sucks when people turn around and say I’m less-than.”

“I know you put a lot of yourself in it,” he says quietly. “That’s… one of the things I really like about your healing. That’s why it’s… my favourite…” That last bit is barely audible.

A bit of a flush of pride starts to prickle your cheeks, though you try your best not to show it.  “Yoru, you know you can just say that upfront, right? Like, it’s okay to recognise when you like what other people do.”

“I know. I know, I just-“ He mumbles the next bit. “What if they think I’m stupid for enjoying their help, and what if they don’t think as highly of me?” The light is low, but even so you can see the heat starting to radiate off his face as he gives you this surprising dose of honesty.

“Are you kidding me? You’re one of the best even in the protocol. Insane marksmanship, brilliant record and an amazing knack for getting behind enemy lines. Why would anyone think you’re stupid or not respect you.”

“But,” he sputters out. “I want you in particular to like me and like what I do.” Just as quickly as the words leave his mouth, he clamps his hands over and looks away, very pointedly avoiding eye contact.

Wow. Wow, okay.

“I should go,” he says abruptly, and whirls around to leave. Anticipating the gesture, you catch his wrist and tug him back.

“Yoru you freakin’ dumbass. I think you’re great. You’re one of my favourite people in the protocol, and I like it when you can be honest with me. I think it’s really sweet.”

Without warning, he draws in close, chest going up and down at quite a rate. He really looks like he wants something, wants to say something or do something, and you’re starting to get the sense you know what it is.

Fuck it, worth the risk.

You close the distance and press your lips against his. He goes completely stiff for a second and you almost freak out, worried that you’ve misread the many cues. But then he’s pushing into the kiss hungrily, his hands reaching around and pulling you close, growling at the sensation of finally having you up close.

Every movement you make, he leans into it and responds tenfold, huffing and tugging and trying to hold as much of you as he possibly can.

You both near run out of breath before you finally break, standing there panting and looking at each other. His hair is wild and his eyes are gleaming with no small amount of satisfaction, and maybe even a hint of relief.

He pulls you in close again, this time wrapping his arms around you for a bone-crushing hug. “Your clone is the fucking wing-man of the century,” you murmur into his ear.

Yoru gives a gruff chuckle. “I suppose he is.”

[violettelueur]

— FUSHIGURO MEGUMI || THANK YOU FOR STAYING

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of blood, mention of injury, mention of death and grammar issues

↳ form : imagine

↳ published : 18 january

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 1.6k

↳ request : AAAA YOUR FINALLY OPENN <3 um so for starters i was thinking abt the same scenario for the s/o, where the s/o was megumi’s gf. team tokyo was seeing your *dead* body lying on the ground, not knowing that your actually trying to use the reverse technique slowly. megumi felt he failed at protecting you, when you’re actually still alive but reviving. eventually he came to you, crying, and just kept saying “please dont leave me” “i cant afford to loose anything” “please”. IM SORRY IF ITS TOO SPECIFIC 😭😭 i really want some fluff+angst rn LMAOO. thankyou!! <33

↳ barista’s notes : hello hello hello ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ i had to remove a tiny bit of your request because it is a spoiler for non jujutsu kaisen manga readers ʕᴥ·　ʔ and don’t worry if you think you’re being too specific, i will try my best to make the perfect cup of  coffee for you ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ but other than that, i hope you enjoy you cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and you’re welcome back anytime!

“Y/N, wake up please”

However, no matter how desperate he sounded nor how loud he was. You were non-responsive.

The grass below your body was struggling to soak up all the blood that had been spilt from your unknown wound caused by the special grade curse that you were fighting against.

No one knew how the curse was able to get into the premises of the battlefield of the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event, let alone how it managed to get anywhere near Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College. However, right now, all Fushiguro knew was that you were in critical condition as you continued to stay silent to his pleas.

“This ain’t some joke Y/N, wake up!” Fushiguro shouted in agony as he lifted your body into his arms, searching for any source of warmth from you that he was desperate to hold. Yet, you were just stone cold.

Frantic, Fushiguro began to search around your body to see if he could find the injury that was the final blow that you took, but there was no visible presence of one leading to the shikigami sorcerer’s anxiety to heighten as he began to wonder what really happened to you. What could have the special curse did that causes you to fall into a coma? A coma right? You were just in a coma? You weren’t dead? You couldn’t be dead?

“Megumi, she’s….Y/N is..” Maki began to stutter, afraid of the junior’s reaction to what she would have to announce as she began to reach out to him, leading Fushiguro to turn to look at her with tears welled up in his eyes which led Maki to look at him with widened eyes.

Never once she ever saw the green-eyed sorcerer have a single tear in his eyes as well as the rest of the sorcerers behind her as they stared at the situation that was happening right in front of them. On the other hand, they weren’t really surprised at the fact that you were the one that brought those same tears into his precious eyes. 

You were the first person to ever make them see Fushiguro smile.

Itadori remembered it as clear as day. It was when he had first met you at Harajuku around the same time when he first met Kugisaki. To his surprise that day, you weren’t the new student that they were meeting but rather a current student at the school he newly attended, it was just that you weren’t the one chosen to collect Sukuna’s finger at Sendai that day due to you having a mission of your own.

                                              ꕥ

“So, you’re the infamous student that ate Sukuna’s finger?” you commented, as you walked towards the two students who were waiting in front of the station Gojo has told you to meet everyone at - but to no shock or surprise from you, the said teacher was not there to greet you.

“Oh? Are you the new student we are waiting for?” Itaodori kindly asked, as he took another bite out of his ice popsicle leading to your boyfriend, who was standing next to the salmon-haired boy, to have a say in the newly started conversation.

“No, this is L/N Y/N, she’s a first-year student like us, she enrolled at the same time as me,” Fushiguro informed the boy leading you to kindly smile at him while holding up a peace sign to seem more friendly.

“I’m Itadori Yuji, I’m from Sendai,” Itadori greeted you as he pointed at himself, causing you to nod your head before asking both the boys where your extremely tall teacher was, only for them to shrug at you indicating they had no idea on where Gojo was at all.

‘He probably is buying snacks or something ha?’

“Now it ain’t just the two of us ha Megumi?” you playfully asked your boyfriend as you poked his cheek, leading him to send you a side glance only for a giggle to be your response. Although it was a small interaction, Itadori was able to instantly pick up on something that confused him slightly.

“L/N, why did you call Fushiguro by his first name and not his family one?” Itadori asked in curiosity as he wondered how you were really friendly with the usually grumpy sorcerer. Turning to look at your new classmate, you smiled at him and quickly answered by saying, “no reason really, he just allowed me to since we’re really good friends,”.

Knowing Fushiguro, you knew he probably didn’t want to reveal the fact that you and him were in a relationship to Itadori too early into his newfound friendship with him, so you decided that it was the best for now to tell your new classmate that you two were really good friends.

On the other hand, what you didn’t see was how Fushiguro was looking at you. The shikigami user really appreciated the fact that you weren’t the type to tell the whole world about the both of you since he was a person that thought that not everyone needed to know if he was in a relationship or not leading to a small smile to dawn his face with a hint of adoration in his eyes as he stared at you.

Which was caught by the sights of Itadori Yuji.

                                             ꕥ

However in his sights right now was not the same expression Fushiguro had that day. But how he wished it was. All Itadori could see right now was fear, desperation and regret in Fushiguro’s emerald eyes as he was holding onto your body like he was gripping the small amount of life that you could possibly have left in your body.

“Please don’t leave me,” Fushiguro muttered in a brittle tone, as he gently shook you, not giving up on the fact that you could have a chance of waking up. Not giving up the chance that he gets to see your beautiful eyes. Not giving up the chance that he gets to see your bright smile. Not giving up on the chance that he gets to see you alive.

“I’m sorry for not protecting you, please just wake up, I can’t lose you too,” Fushiguro begged as sorrowful tears began to lightly hit your cheeks with his throat slowly closing up leading to a slight struggle in breathing. Fushiguro slowly and regrettably came to the realisation that you were now gone, leading to a river of guilt that uncontrollably began to flow down to which caused the grade two sorcerer let out a pained scream as his friends from behind looked at the scene with a broken heart.

Gripping on to your body, Fushiguro held your body against his chest and his face was hidden in the crook of your head wanting to hold you for one last time before you were fully taken away from him.

“Hey….Mimi”

Now he was hallucinating. Fushiguro was now hearing your voice as if you were calling out to him. He couldn’t help but fully accept that fact that you were dead and there was no chance you could possibly be calling out his nickname that he hated so much but was so desperate to hear again if he could.

Suddenly to his shock, Fushiguro felt a light but tight grip on his school jacket leading him to slowly pull away with widening eyes to a hand on his jacket causing him to look up to notice your eyes slowly begin to open, showcasing the coloured orbs that the shikigami user was so desperate to see.

“Mimi….it’s really hard to….concentrate using reverse curse energy….when you’re tightly gripping on to me,” you slowly commented with a small smile on your face, to which then you slowly began to sit up only to fall back into his arms due to exhaustion of using a magnitude of your curse energy to heal the injury that the special curse managed to wound you with.

“Y/N!” everyone shouted, as they crouched down to have a clear view of what they were seeing. To their complete astonishment, you were fully awake with a smile on your face leading everyone’s hearts to fill with joy as they were relieved that you were here right in front of them alive and well.

Kugisaki couldn’t help but instantly let tears of complete joy flow down her cheeks as she launched herself on top of you, tightly hugging you close to her releasing all the agonising tension that she was holding in the second she saw your once lifeless body in Fushiguro’s arms.

Gently lifting up one of your arms to Kugisaki’s body to comfort her, you slowly turned your head to stare up at the pair of emerald eyes that were looking at you with such relief and radiance, leading to your other hand that was previously gripping his jacket to then be placed on his cheek as you used your thumb to caress it to help him slowly come back to reality.

To be honest, you could tell he needed it right now. At the beginning of the Kyoto Sister-School Goodwill Event, you, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were utterly dumbfounded at the fact that Itadori was alive and well after 2 months of assuming that he was dead after Sukuna ripped out his heart and now you somehow you ‘came back alive’ after sustaining a serious injury of your neck being slashed - you knew seeing two people being revived was not what you saw every day.

“I’m sorry for scaring you like that,” you whispered to Fushiguro as you lightly brushed the remaining tears he had on his cheek leading to the stoic sorcerer to softly place his forehead against yours as he began to savour the warmth that he thought he had lost.

“Thank you,’ Fushiguro muttered as he closed his eye tightly, holding in the new coming tears that were threatening to flow down leading to your hand that was on his cheek to be now placed on the back of his neck as your fingers began to caress his hair to help calm him down even further.

“Thank you for staying”

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[jenojaemssss]

dazed and confused

pairing: jeong jaehyun x gn!reader

genre/categories: angst, college!au, frat boy!jaehyun, a bit of fluff

word count: 3.6k (this was literally supposed to be a drabble wtf)

warnings: mentions of sex, allusions of sex yk the vibes, oh and a lot of cursing 'cause i lack the ability to keep language below 14+

synopsis: jaehyun isn’t scared of heights. he isn’t afraid of roller coasters that dropped at those terrifying heights. but he is, in fact, so utterly terrified of falling.

a/n: y’all this was supposed to be a drabble…but i wrote too much and now it’s a fic and idk how i feel abt it LOL anyways, it has not been (and will probably never be) proofread so please excuse any grammatical and spacing errors! i will now go cry with my 3 assignments due in like an hour.

~~~~~~~~

faded. drunk. confused. mentally unstable. all these words, along with maybe 30 more could be used to describe your current state as you sludge your way into a familiar bedroom at the nu chi theta house after puking up probably a lifetime’s worth of alcohol.

the god awful ringing in your ears and the throbbing of your head makes the room spin, but you’re awake enough to recognize that the room was currently occupied. before you can mumble out a string of curse words and a sorry, you particularly notice exactly who was inside the room.

you’re caught off guard by a, now pissed looking, jaehyun along with someone who you don’t immediately recognize. you realize then who’s room you just entered and mentally smack yourself, reminding yourself to rid of the habit.

the other person is hiding underneath a blanket as jaehyun does his best to cover their figure, protecting their privacy to shoot daggers at whoever was interrupting his ordeal.

it takes you a couple seconds to fully register what was happening in front of you and you scoff.

so that’s how it is.

jaehyun, on the other hand, has his eyes widened. so wide that you think there are more whites visible than the typical brown orbs. he’s gaping now, mouth open and trying to think of excuses as to why he was in bed with someone else after dumping you only 2 days ago.

in his defense, there’s no need for an excuse. the two of you were already over, and he could fuck whoever he wanted to fuck. you could be doing the same.

but you aren’t.

instead, all of yesterday and the day before, you hunkered in your bedroom, cuddled in a blanket with tissues sprawled all over your bed and the floor. you went to your classes, hoodie pulled up way over your head to shield your puffy face and baggy eyes, came home, drowned yourself in ice cream, and cried.

yet he’s here, hooking up with people after leaving you heartbroken. you should’ve listened to jungwoo when he warned you about his flatmate; about his tendencies to sleep around and leave his relationships in the dirt.

when you and jaehyun first began flirtatious interactions with one another, it wasn’t in your intention to start anything serious with the dimple-faced boy. yet one encounter followed another and you never realized how hard you were falling until you were up at 3 am smiling at messages he’d sent you the previous day.

when he asked you to be his girlfriend after about 2 months of successful dates, you were ecstatic. your mind raced back to jungwoo, correcting him telepathically. he was so wrong about jaehyun. he was the sweetest person you’d ever been with, and was so patient with you.

It even made jungwoo take back his words after you announced the relationship to your best friend.

he said jaehyun had changed since he’s been with you.

that change lasted about 4 months afterwards.

4 months of pure bliss; cute dates like picnics at 11 pm after going on drives, watching the sunset from the roof of a nearby apartment building, jumping fences into the expanses of lakes after hours.

4 months of being pressed into a mattress with jaehyun gazing down so lovingly at your writhing body. him pressing into you as your mewls surround the small bedroom. him holding you as both of you come down from your high.

4 months of falling in love with jaehyun.

all to waste after he texted you during class, saying that he needed to talk to you. at least he had the decency to not dump you over text.

jaehyun said something along the lines of “it’s not you, it’s me,” and mentioned that he “doesn’t like being tied down.” you remember nodding, emotions not surfacing until he stands up and leaves you at the coffee shop just around the corner of your dorm building.

your coffee shop. the one you two went to whenever you wanted to find the other. it was like your secret hideout, because no one from your campus knew of this place, even though it was so close to home.

you thought things were going so well, the two of you even making plans to meet each other’s parents over the coming break. but with only a few words from one side, and wordless nods coming another, everything faded to dust.

so as you stare at the man who shattered your heart with someone else underneath him, you plaster a polite smile before flipping him off and exiting the room. his shouts follow you, and you inwardly scream at him to shut up. he has no right to sound so broken at the moment.

you pass by jungwoo on your way out and he immediately notices your tense figure, trailing his eyes towards the direction you were coming from. his jaw clenches when he realizes, wanting to barge into the room and beat the living shit out of his flatmate, but instead follows you out the house.

the blaring music coming from the beaten house becomes muffled by the time you step foot outside the door, tears threatening, but not yet falling from your bloodshot eyes.

jaehyun isn’t slow to catch up with you, but is stopped by a raging jungwoo before exiting the house. jungwoo warns jaehyun to leave you alone, but jaehyun is persistent, pushing past his friend to grasp your shoulder before you could storm away from his reach.

his previous rendezvous has been completely forgotten, and all jaehyun could focus on was you. he notices how you reeked of alcohol, a hint of marijuana radiating from you as well. what he notices the most, though, was that you had a hint of his favorite perfume lingering on your skin.

before you have the chance to turn around, jaehyun is ripped from you, a loud smack following almost immediately after. jaehyun stands, one hand holding onto his pounding cheek while the other grip’s jungwoo’s shirt.

your best friend has both his hands tightly fisting jaehyun’s shirt, staring bullets into the boy’s face.

“you have no right to barge out here and chase us down after you let y/n go,” jungwoo growls. he sees red, heart hurting for his best friend. he cares about you so much. the two of you always fitting into one mold, completing each other, and every time either one of you had their hearts broken, the other would be there to fix and mend everything.

yet, he’d never seen someone hurt you as much as jaehyun did. however much you hurt, it hurt him equivalently. he knew this one was different, because the pain you felt was so much more intense than any you’d experienced before.

what pushed jungwoo even further off the ledge for him to act like this though, was that if he were to be in the same position as you, you would be doing the same thing. you’d also be doing your best to keep him from hurting himself over and over by someone who only meant trouble.

“woo, that’s enough,” you mutter out before coming to push the two boys away from each other.

“y/n, let me explain,” jaehyun grabs your arm as he says this, eyes searching yours for some form of reaction. your previously watery eyes are dry now, and the emotion that was threatening to overcome you minutes prior have all disappeared. you shrug off his hand.

“there’s nothing left for you to explain.”

it killed you, but you had to muster the strength to spit those words at the man you were falling in love with. you knew that it would have been worse if you were to hear him out.

“y/n please just-”

“that’s enough,” you whip your head in his direction, warning him with your eyes.

“but y/n-”

“i said enough!” you’re yelling now, slightly pushing the boy back. he stumbles over himself, and jungwoo takes this opportunity to grab your shoulders and tuck you safely behind his back. you had tears running from your eyes, frustrated at the tugging of your heartstrings because you’re supposed to hate him. you were supposed to be elated that you were in this situation, him begging for your time.

yet it hurt seeing him so broken in front of you, begging for another chance. it hurt so damn much, and you’re so angry at yourself for being such a pushover.

jaehyun straightens himself, looking in your direction but not quite at you because you're hiding your face behind your best friend’s denim jacket covered back.

“y/n, i just want to apologize.”

“there’s nothing to apologize for.”

“there-”

“no, jaehyun, there isn’t,” you use this as a stepping stone to emerge from behind jungwoo, who’s calmed down a bit since connecting his fist with jaehyun’s sharp features.

“don’t talk. let me finish,” you raise a hand before he could get another word out of his mouth. he shrinks a bit, but his eyes focus on your figure slowly approaching him, letting you know he’s listening.

“there’s no need for you to apologize for whatever you were doing because we aren’t together anymore and you can sleep with whoever you want. i don’t care, it’s none of my business. you don’t have to apologize for me walking in on you, because again, none of my business anymore.” you take in a deep breath before you continue.

“if you were going to apologize for breaking up with me, there’s no need. what’s done is done,” you whisper. you feel a huge lump form in your throat. you do your best to swallow it, along with your pride, and smile up at him.

you can’t really read him, but you can tell he’s in thought. you continue.

“if you were to apologize,” you began, sniffing up the snot that’s beginning to trickle down your nose. you probably look like a mess, but you could care less. you needed to get all of this off your chest. you wouldn’t have any other opportunities, so might as well do it now.

fuck the fake smile. fuck faking it til you make it. this is so much better.

“you should be apologizing for making me believe you were sincere with me,” you continue. jaehyun’s eyes go wide, and you notice the slight, subconscious, shake of his head. you proceed.

“i shouldn’t have believed it when you said i was different. fool me once, shame on me. but you continued to make me believe that i was different.” jaehyun opens his mouth, but you give him a look that shuts him up completely. he needs to fix that habit of always wanting to interrupt.

your ramble continues. “you should be apologizing for lying to me when you said you wanted to meet my parents. we set up the date and everything, and they were actually looking forward to meeting you, but now i have to tell them you aren’t coming,” you speak as calmly as you can. anything related to your parents always makes you ten times more emotional in every situation, and this was taking somewhat of a toll on you.

“you should be apologizing for making me feel special all the damn time. you made me believe i was the only one for you and that you were the only one for me. you made me feel so fucking foolish after you left, you know that? i thought we were doing so well, and you just left me in the dust after being so fucking vague. what do you mean ‘it’s not me, it’s you?’ it makes absolutely no fucking sense,” you’re almost hysterical now as you let everything fall down your face. you’re still eye to eye with jaehyun, and he looks taken aback by your declarations that he’s rendered speechless.

your next few words are what makes jaehyun’s world come crashing down.

“you should be apologizing for making me believe you were falling in love with me too,” you whimper. you’re full on sobbing now, and jungwoo assists you from falling to your knees.

it takes jaehyun a couple moments to register what was happening, a couple moments to fully comprehend what you were saying; what you meant.

you were so broken because you were beginning to love him. and he let you go.

“i’m..i’m-”

“leave, jae. do it when i’m asking nicely,” jungwoo’s low voice echos from your spot on the ground. your shoulder shake with every sob you’re letting escape you.

“jungwoo, let me fucking talk, okay? stop interrupting me every damn time while i’m trying to figure things out with y/n. this was our relationship, not yours!” he’s yelling now, and jungwoo shrinks. he knows he’s stepping over the line, but some things reach a limit, and jaehyun is reaching his.

“yes, i know y/n told you things, but did you know that i used to wait after classes when the weather turned bad just to make sure y/n wouldn’t be walking home in the rain? always forgot an umbrella when it counts,” he chuckles the last line, eyes teary.

“did y/n tell you that every single time my phone rang, i was internally wishing that the name popping up on the screen would be ‘lovely’ and no one else’s? i always wait for your calls, you know,” he directs it to you this time. “they always made my day.”

you raise your head when you realize he was walking to you. when you see his tortured expression while reminiscing his feelings for you, you suddenly had the urge to run up to him and wipe away the tears falling from his handsome face. you hated that that was your first thought, though.

“did y/n tell you i was falling too?”

you tense at his words, and jungwoo scoffs.

“if you were falling, why did you break things off?” the words leave your mouth before you had the chance to stop them. your mind was running a mile a minute because in what world did it make sense for jaehyun to dump you when he claims to be falling in love with you.

“i was scared,” he finally mutters after a couple seconds of painful silence.

“what is there to be scared of, jaehyun?” you’re standing now, jungwoo completely baffled at the interaction taking place in front of his eyes. he realizes then, that maybe jaehyun was telling the truth.

jaehyun was scared of falling.

jungwoo recalls all the times jaehyun has been in an actual relationship, but can only remember one other time that he actually introduced someone to the boys as his. all the others were just casual flings, where they'd be slipping out the door before anyone could acknowledge their existence.

when he broke things off with that past relationship, his actions were similar to the ones he’s portrayed the past few days. silence in his room instead of the typical blaring music from his sound system. a shocking decrease in teasing his housemates. jungwoo even noticed that he didn’t see the dimples on jaehyun’s face as frequently.

the one other person ended the same way, jaehyun breaking it off about 4 months into the relationship, saying he didn’t like being tied down.

he didn't like being tied down? he doesn’t like...shit, what a fucking dumbass. he’s scared of being in love, jungwoo realized.

“that’s what you meant,” jungwoo states his epiphany out loud and he stands up. he brushes off any dirt from his pants and begins to walk towards the house, knowing that whatever happens on the front lawn would heal more than harm.

you look at your best friend in confusion, but he plasters a grin on his face and looks in your direction before turning to jaehyun. “you need to stop being such a wuss.” and he’s back inside the house.

“it seems like everyone’s mission is to cut me off today, and it’s getting a little aggravating,” he tries to joke and you just stare at him in silence. he takes it as an, “i don’t care, just talk,” and begins his tangent.

“i broke things off with you because i was scared,” he begins. you follow his words with a nod, emphasizing that you’re listening to the man standing across you.

“i’ve never been in love before, and i didn’t realize how-how utterly terrifying it felt. i was close one time, but i broke things off before anything else could develop because i didn’t think i was ready for it. i felt like i was incapable of love for a while because of my stupid frat boy image, you know?” you nod in response to his rhetorical question and he begins moving towards the small bench sat on the lawn. you follow suit and sit yourself down a good distance away from him.

he talks again, this time sounding more regretful than anything. “i sometimes tell myself how idiotic i am because i let them go before. if i just had the balls to accept the fact that maybe i was falling in love, i wouldn’t have to see them roam around campus a couple months after with someone else.”

you remember briefly jaehyun’s previous relationship. it was the talk amongst your campus because the jeong jaehyun was in an actually relationship with someone. and people were making bets on how long they thought it’d last. same as they’ve been doing for your relationship with him.

“it all kind of got to me without much of a warning because like, shit, falling in love with someone meant checking your phone every 3 minutes cause you’re scared you missed their call, or calling them if they took too long to assure you they’re home safe, that kind of thing,” he smiles. “no one teaches you that.”

you chuckle dryly because he hit the nail on the coffin. no one tells you the details about being in love, only mentioning the feelings and not the irrational things you’d do for them.

jaehyun continues after he assures himself that you’re listening to his words and internally heave a relieved sigh. he was scared you were going to have things come in one ear and out the other.

“at the same time, if i kept them in my life, i wouldn’t have met you. we wouldn’t have developed a relationship, and i wouldn’t have began to fall in you,” he scoots a bit closer to you, and you let him.

“and you wouldn’t have broken my heart like this,” you retaliate and he physically winces.

“ouch. you’re not wrong though,” he smiles, dimples reappearing on his face.

“get to the point, jaehyun. it’s cold as fuck and i don’t have a jacket,” you complain when he’s silent for a little too long. you’re holding your arms now, hit by the frosty air. when he’s silent for another moment, you look up from your feet, ready to complain again. but instead, you’re met with a hoodie being pulled over your head and you’re stunned.

“when i said i was cold, i didn’t mean for you to give me your hoodie.”

“well, too bad,” he smiles widely. the hoodie smells like him, and you take in his scent. the sweater was a bit larger on you, so you begin to roll the sleeves up, pulling your arms out of the sweater paws.

“as i was saying, i realized i was falling in love with you and i was just- i don’t know, i was scared. i think i’ve said the word scared like 10 times today, but what other word is there?” he chuckles. you do the same.

“so i did what any other sane person would do and dipped. i ran away from my feelings because in my brain, it was the best thing to do. and i hurt you in the process because i was being a selfish asshole, and i’m sorry,” he finishes, you assume. as you’re thinking about how to respond, he catches you off guard with something you never thought would leave jaehyun’s mouth.

“oh, and i love you. i’m sure of it,” he declares.

and you’re crying again. as intoxicated as you were just 30 minutes ago, you swear that in that moment, you weren’t drunk on the drinks or faded from the j’s, but you were intoxicated by jaehyun.

the way he’s looking at you, the way he’s smiling at you.

he stretches out a hand in your direction, asking for your permission to take your own and grab his hand in response. his hand engulfs yours like a hug, and he intertwines his fingers with your cold ones.

“so does this mean you love me back?” he questions.

you nod, because you can’t think of anything else to say. you’re so utterly in love with him that you’re rendered speechless, you fool.

“and does this mean we can start over?” he asks, hoping for another nod.

instead, you speak. “why were you fucking someone else when i got here if you’re in love with me?”

jaehyun is now the one rendered speechless and gulps before answering. “have you ever heard of heartbreak sex?”

“isn’t that supposed to be with the one who broke your heart?”

“yeah, but if we had sex, i would only fall in love with you more.”

“and you don’t want that?”

“i do now,” he smiles.

you roll your eyes and say nothing.

“i’m sorry i hurt you.”

“you better be.”

“i promise i won’t do it again.”

“next time you do, i’m chopping off your dick in your sleep so you won’t be able to go have heartbreak sex with someone else.”

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

Idk about you but that trope where a giant gets angry and accidentally scares a tiny and feels bad abt it afterwards makes me go absolutely feral,,

So, originally, I was planning for this scene to be in a future chapter of This Is Nothing Like The Disney Star Wars Trilogy, but I could never really think of a full story arc around it, even though I still really really really love this idea. In any case, if I happen to brainstorm a better plot and find a way to squeeze this in I might edit it into the main story, otherwise enjoy some classic Giant Catboi and Twink Solider fearplay >:3c

--

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was!?”

As expected, the little one did not respond to his rhetorical question, though his tone certainly helped snap it out of its previous stupor as it released its death grip on his shirt in favor of squirming as soon as the bedroom door slid shut behind him. His aggravation at the situation was clear as day even without the usual language and cultural barrier that impeded any sort of deeper relationship Edix tried to form with the human. Red ears were still folded back against his curls and his shoulders tense, the stiff posture traveling down to his hands were they gripped the earthling to his chest perhaps just a touch more tightly than usual, not that it prevented it from trying to push and wriggle itself out of his overprotective hold.

Fuck no, he wasn’t ready to let it go yet, not when flecks of blood were still smeared against his knuckles as a result of an impromptu rescue mission. The satisfying snap of cartilage under his fist after one good sucker punch to Talan’s smug face still echoed in his mind, blood gushing from the surely broken nose while the biologist stumbled backwards into the shelves. Edix wondered if he would be reprimanded for that by the directors later, or if Talan would be too proud to report the ass kicking, maybe even taking the lesson to heart to not fuck with his things in the future. And yes, that included trying to vivisect his sweet little pet.

How was I supposed to know the stray belonged to you? He had asked with sarcastic innocence, as if the human in question hadn’t been seen with Edix a thousand times before, and wasn’t drenched in his scent, and didn’t have his ID code printed on the back of its little suit, Maybe if you weren’t such a wuss and actually put it on a shorter leash-

Asshole. He was lucky Edix’s only goal at the moment was to get the little one off the table and back to the appropriate sector rather than rip Talan to shreds with his own tools. A taste of his own medicine, perhaps. Still, he admittedly did have a point about the human, what with how much it would run off and get lost and damn near killed. He simply couldn’t figure out what was so terrible about staying in his company that the little one would risk injury and mutilation in a foreign environment as opposed to the safety and comfort he so desperately tried to provide for it. They might have had a bit of a rocky start, sure, but stars above that was far in the past now. There’s nothing either of them can do to change the facts so why not accept things as they are and make some type of effort to be happy in this new life? By all accounts, Edix was a great owner!

And yet, the little one still fought him every step of the way. Even now, having just saved it from a fate of having its tiny organs sliced while it was wide awake, it made it known it did not want to be near him anymore. It might have been clinging to him the entire walk back to the bedroom, but it must have remembered it was supposed to be oblivious to the notion of genuine love and safety because now it started to stutter out little squeaks on top of struggling. Normally, Edix adored any and all of the sounds it made, especially when it was directly trying to talk to him which only served to give him the mental image of a pup mindlessly babbling before they managed their first few words. This time, however, it only worsened his irritation.

“Stop.” He ordered, which the human somewhat complied with, though it probably had more to do with his harsher tone and the fact that he was already lowering his hand towards the bed to set it down. As soon as it was free of his hold, it scrambled back, looking at him with those wide brown eyes that were full of so much fear it made him sick. Why did it have to be so afraid of him? What could he have possibly done that even now, almost a cycle later, it was still overtly wary of his intentions. All he ever did was care for it. Feed it, pet it, cuddle it, protect it, and still nothing was good enough!

With a tired sigh, he rubbed his hand down his face and resisted the urge to tug at his hair. “I just don’t understand,” he pleaded, begging some cosmic being out there to suddenly grant the little one the power to understand what he was saying, “what can I possibly do to prove to you that I’m not going to hurt you? I’m trying to keep you alive and it’s like...I don’t know, you resent me for that or something!”

The sweet thing looked more confused at his words than anything, but he could tell his body language and voice were making it uneasy. The human was used to soft words and purrs and slow movements, rarely any agitation in his being. After a beat of silence marked by an intense stare down, Edix gave up on hoping the earthling would miraculously explain itself and open up to sharing its thoughts on the matter. He reached for it and it instinctively back up, flinching when a growl rumbled in his throat in response.

“Stop running,” it was a fruitless endeavor, but like hell if he wouldn’t stop trying. That was how new pups learned how to understand a language anyways, wasn’t it? To repeat certain words over and over until they got the idea? Maybe that’s all he needed to do here, maybe by now it already knew the Venandi words for no, stop, be good, and so on. He reached for it again and it did the same thing as last time, always sure to stay just out of the most convenient reach. Not that it mattered how much it inched away seeing how it was trapped on the bed with Edix directly in front of it, but it was the principal of the matter.

And it was then that something inside him snapped. Something primal as a result of dealing with an unruly pup far too long for his nerves to handle at this moment. He wasn’t even aware of his actions, belatedly realizing how he pounced on the bed in a flash, the human scrambling to get away but only having enough time to turn around before being roughly pinned on its stomach against the mattress. His teeth were bared and pressed tightly against its back, fangs scraping against the layers of its clothes to no doubt bruise the tender flesh underneath, though thankfully they didn’t break the skin. A loud growl reverberated though its entire body, shaking it to its core.

“Enough.” He hissed against its back, keeping his teeth pressed into its skinny frame for a moment longer before pulling away. The second he did, his glare softened, all the anger he felt gone in an instant as soon as he saw the sight underneath him.

The poor thing was absolutely petrified.

It was probably the worst it’s ever been scared, arguably. Not even the first time they met, when it had so gracefully tumbled down that hill and landed face first in front of him, compared to the level of fear that radiated off it. A split-second thought had Edix wondering if he had legitimately scared it to death. Soon enough, though, he was able to pick up the minute tremors that shook through it, almost like an aftershock of the warning that it felt more than heard. It was pale, baby face devoid of color not unlike that time before when it had been sick with fever. But its eyes...those sweet little doe eyes he loved so much were wide and wet with a sheen of tears that refused to fall, locked in a blank stare straight ahead towards the wall and refusing to look at him.

A small, choked hiccup made its body twitch every couple of breaths, but it refused to open its mouth to allow any of these sniffles to turn into cries. Shit, it refused to move at all, too terrified of Edix’s threat display that if it did anything he didn’t like there would be dire consequences to pay. He supposed it worked exactly as intended, in that case. It was still, it was quiet, it was technically obeying him after he just forced it to behave via alternative punishment. That didn’t change the fact that he felt absolutely, terribly, extremely awful about what he just did.

It was just a pup, as he always said, regardless of what Ylva would tell him about human adolescence and such. It didn’t know any better, it had never been raised in these situations before and needed much longer than a measly cycle to unlearn all of its prey behaviors it needed to survive on its home planet. Besides, it wasn’t that it didn’t fully know that it was perfectly safe with Edix, it was smart enough to know he was at the very least the safest option when presented with any other Venandi. Edix had been upset, and it knew he was upset, so of course it would want to avoid a potentially hostile predator before-

--before it snatched the little one in its teeth.

Fuck, fuck, he was an idiot. Maybe he wasn’t as cut out for this as he thought, not like Ylva who was the very essence of motherhood. No. Now wasn’t the time for self doubts and pity, not when the human was in such a state. Slowly, hands cupped around its shaking form, mindful to make sure his fingers were in its view so it wouldn’t be any more startled when he lifted it up, not that he was completely sure it was actually seeing anything in front of it. The little one hardly reacted to the movement, laying limp when he pressed it against his chest and moved to sit up against the headboard of the bed in a similar fashion to what he had done the first night the poor thing was on the ship.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s okay,” he whispered to it, rubbing his thumb along the curve of its back just how it liked whenever it dozed, “you’re okay, we’re fine, it’s okay to cry. I’m sorry I scared you, I’m so sorry.”

Normally in these types of instances, he’d be purring and shushing the little sweetheart until he was able to get it down for a nap, but he had little confidence that any other types of chest vibrations would have its usual effect of making the human drowsy currently. When it finally started blinking again, the tears that had welled up ran freely down its cheeks, quickly biting down on its wobbling lip to prevent any sobs from escaping and get it in trouble for misbehaving. He softly clicked his tongue at it and cooed, anything to put it at ease with a softer demeanor. “I know, honey, I know. I won’t ever do that again, I promise."

Well, if nothing else, at least the little one’s apprehension of him wasn’t unfounded anymore, much to his dismay.

[doubledgesword-2]

hello! i saw your tumblr page while I was scrolling for headcanons and HOW COME I ONLY FOUND OUT ABT THIS PAGE😭 I love your content and your headcanons about hxh characters😏 so I dropped by and saw that the requests are open👀...so I wanted to request a scenario where Illumi is forced to participate in an arranged marriage by his parents but illumi doesn't like his soon to be wife his parents planned for him bc they're quite annoying and rude (was that too specific 💀) but illumi alr likes someone (his "friend") whom he's pretty close with because they hang out a lot with Hisoka and Illumi.

you don't really have to do this if you don't want to because it's probably too long💀...but still, Thank you so much💕

Heck yeah!! I’m all up for the angst and the heartbreak. One order of Rose tea with extra tears in it coming right up! For all the other lil’ sugarcubes that requested, rest assure your teas are coming. Hope you like this!

Enjoy!

You heard the moment your heart snapped.

Here he was kneeling in front of a woman you had never seen, looking as handsome as ever with a small velvet box open and a ring protruding from the inside.

The pair turned to look at you, and amidst the hurting in your heart, you swallowed the lump in your throat, widened your eyes to stop the tears from falling, and offered a joyous smile.

"Congratulations on your engagement."

"Oh, he isn't finished yet, you interrupted. Please continue, dear husband! You! Retire before I call the butlers to escort you out. You're ruining the moment!" Her high pitch voice grated your ears, and after her words, you felt even worse than before. You schooled your expression and nodded, retreating from their bubble.

But Illumi was looking at you. His head was turned in your direction still, looking how your body screamed sadness, but your smile was so convincing he felt sad himself. Perhaps, you wanted to spend some time with him today, and here he was, declaring his love to someone not worth his while. He wished the woman in front of him was you.

You heard him ask the question in that tone you had learned to love, and her obnoxious shriek of a yes, made the situation sink in further.

Illumi was getting married, and it wasn't to you.

You swallowed thickly and excused yourself, going back to the forest from where you had come, before Illumi could turn to look your way. Illumi's eyes lifted to look for you, all the while trying to pry his 'lover' from his waist, but you weren't there. You left so quietly; your absence discouraged him. His parents came around, and you heard the congratulations from both sets of parents like they just closed a business deal. Amidst your tears, you clamped a hand over your mouth as every word poked the wound in your heart.

And that's how Illumi had found you.

The two of you hadn't seen each other ever since that day with the ring and the yes. Instead, you were cooped inside your apartment, letting the hurt pass. Still, you worked and went on your merry way to solve things whenever something important came up. But even Hisoka was concerned when your kills felt way too heartless or whenever he looked into your eyes and saw nothing.

He wouldn't deny this side of you turned him on quite a lot, but that tiredness of the soul reflected in your eyes killed the mood. He knew something was up, and judging by the lack of Illumi during the work or how you two seemed to ignore each other, him more than you, Hisoka deduced Illumi was the culprit to your emotional state.

Said devil was standing by the window of your apartment on the fire escape. His dark eyes focused on your puffy, bloodshot eyes and how Hisoka comforted you with magic tricks that made you smile and chuckle occasionally. His stomach flipped seeing you smile so tired and hurt.

"It's fine Hisoka, I'll be alright." You said to the magician as he made his way to the door. Your croaky voice truly pulled at his heartstrings; it wasn't often you cried with this type of pain and not over a movie the two of you were watching.

"Mmm, let me know if you need something else (Y/N)-Chan, and if you need someone to punch and fight, always give me a call~," You snorted and pushed him out, giggling.

"Goodbye, Soka" The minute the magician was out, your smile fell, replaced by an exhausted look.

You closed the door, not turning around; you couldn't feel it in you to face the deafening silence in your apartment.

"(Y/N)" Illumi called, and in your mind, you thought you were hearing things. You missed him so much your mind was hearing him called your name longingly.

Turning slowly, prepared to be disappointed, you were greeted by Illumi standing in your living room. You gasped. He stood right under the light, and it wasn't fair how beautiful he looked in comparison to your puffy eyes and lifeless eyes.

"I want to talk to you," you swallowed, feeling your throat tighten at those words and again offered him a smile.

There was a twinge of anger threatening to bubble up to the surface. He had ignored you during missions and left rather quickly when you came up to Hisoka and him. But you didn't have it in you to fully return what he did to you.

Your practiced smile always made him doubtful. It was so worked it looked natural, and as you walked up to him with it on your lips, he felt threatened.

"Congratulations again on your engagement, Llumi. I hope you're thrilled."

"Stop" His clipped tone shocked you, and it made your smile fall. "I don't want to be with her. She's annoying, her voice grates my ears, and she's utterly unprofessional. Her nen is useless, and she's too clingy."

Both of your eyebrows rose in surprise at his outburst. "Do you want to talk about that?" Your facade was up again, and for a second, you could see the pain in his eyes at your approach.

He was expecting you to tell him to leave her. He was expecting you to scream how much you loved him. Illumi swore that if you told him to leave the arrange marriage and run away with you, he would.

But instead, you offered to listen to him.

On the other side of the spectrum, you wanted to scream at him how much you loved him, your heart broke at his uncomfortableness, it hurt to hear him say how unhappy he was, and you were powerless to help. So you did the only thing you could as a friend, offer to listen to him.

"Would you like a cup of tea before you vent or perhaps something stronger?"

"Something stronger, please."

It was painful to look at how your thoughts and emotions were so close and yet so far away from touching him. You knew it could never be; this was not a fairy tale. It was the real world, and this world was ruthless. Illumi was too gripped by his parents and their influence. He wouldn't go against them just because you willed him so. You did what you were good at and what must, pretending that nothing was wrong. Pulling the mask down to cover your face before anyone could see what's behind. Creating another layer, building the walls up higher and caving in all the exits, so your emotions didn't accidentally escape, and you confessed how miserable and how utterly destroyed you felt. Instead, you’ll think of all that might’ve been and fool yourself in the dark of the night.

"Now, tell me how I can help, Llumi,"

Your hand laying right next to his, fingers brushing but never touching.

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[jostepherjoestar]

gyro, johnny, diego, & hot pants headcanons abt comforting their best friend (whom they've been pining for) after a break-up ? i love your writing so much <3

Gyro, Johnny, Diego and Hot Pants comforting their best friend (who they’ve secretly been pining for) after a breakup HC’s

gn reader // sfw

So happy to do some Steel Ball Run stuff :DD thanks for requesting as always <3 love this type of trope hehe ENJOOOY!!

Gyro

Gyro is by your side immediately. He’ll drop whatever he was doing to come over and comfort you. You walked over to his place, tears still streaming down your face from the pain. You knew the breakup was coming but damn it still hurts so bad.

He’ll hug you tightly for as long as you need, shushing you while moving his hands up and down your back rhythmically. Gyro is caring with his close friends yes, but the way he cares for you is a level or 10 above. His feelings for you gnawed at him, especially whenever he saw you together with your ex.

He never acted on his feelings though, Gyro wanted to see you happy and if that idiot broke up with you, it’s their loss. He’ll be the one telling you how amazing you are and how you deserve so much better.

After much crying and talking about what happened he felt it was finally the right time to bring back your smile. The best way to cure a broken heart is with laughter! He’ll sit down with you on the couch, both a warm drink in hand. Tissues next to you just in case things get too emotional. He’ll poke your cheeks into a smile as a starter, it didn’t really do much to your mood but seeing him try made you feel a little lighter.

Gyro still has some good stories and jokes he made up in the back of his mind that he hasn’t told you, so what better time to tell them than now. A small smile returns to your face, not to its full potential but it’s a start. Just listening to him babble on and on serves as a good distraction.

He’ll ask you to sleep over for the night, just so you’re not alone. Staying up late and having another one of those deep talks you so enjoyed with him as you fall asleep on his shoulder. Maybe if you’ve done some healing he’ll ask you out, but for now he’ll take care of you for however long you need.

Johnny

Oh dear... Johnny isn’t that great with being all touchy feely. He fully understands how horrible a break up can feel but he’s not the best at consoling others. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try his best. He’ll come over to yours with a warm blanket. It’s the best he could think of, if you’re warm on the outside, the inside will follow, right?

Johnny’s feelings for you are complicated, he’s seen you as more than a friend for quite some time. He beat himself up about it while you were in your relationship, trying his best to forget about it. But his feelings surmounted.

The most selfish part of Johnny was glad your partner was out of the picture now, he never liked them anyway. But he’ll never tell you that information, it’d do you no good.

He’ll awkwardly hug you back but the longer the hug lasts the tighter he grips you. This is where he wanted you to stay, right in his arms. But for now he’ll push his thoughts aside and comfort you. Asking if you want to trash talk your ex. He’ll hold back of course, laughing at your release of frustration.

He lined up some old cans outside and lets you aim his fingernail bullets, slightly adjusting your shot here and there so you’d always hit the targets. After the fun shoot out, he’ll horserace you to the top of a hill, his favourite lookout place. The view was amazing, endles plains just outside the city, the sun setting right between the mountains.

When you both get to the top, perhaps Johnny letting you win just so you’d feel better, he tells you to scream. “Scream as loud as you can possibly muster, it’ll feel better than screaming into a pillow.”

You screamed so loud your throat felt sore but damn it felt good. Johnny knows that sometimes it’s better to let it all out than keep it in. The ride back is slow and peaceful, talking about all the things running through your minds while it slowly gets dark.

Diego

Diego doesn’t have a lot of friends, so when he does let you in, you’re staying. He’s very loyal and even opened up a lot more so when you tell him about the break up he’s fuming. How dare your ex hurt you like this. “Do you want me to hurt them? Just a little?” he’ll jokingly prod but you know he’s 100% serious.

His feelings for you had been a surprise to him, yes of course he’s found others attractive but he’s never looked at anyone like he does at you. He noticed his heartbeat quicken when you’re around and feels a deep need to be close to you. Often wondering how beautiful you’d look lying next to him at night, cuddled into his arms, your cute tired smile looking up at him.

He wanted to confess so badly, feeling like he was being dishonest with you but convinced it would only result in a negative outcome. It hurt to see you with someone else but he knew he had to be supportive. It made him angry that your partner was the one who got to be so close to you. Feeling relieved of that anger when you told him about the breakup, but still guilty.

Similar to Johnny he’d want you to work out any pent up aggression towards your ex. Maybe work out some of his own. When he suggested it, you felt like a mischievous teenager again, but you agreed nonetheless. “Let’s egg their house!”

You both stuffed your bag full of fresh eggs from the farm next door, they won’t miss them, they got eggs comin’ out the wazoo! Deciding to walk since their house wasn’t far, the fresh air feeling invigorating, filling you both with an ambition to be as annoying as possible.

It felt so great, throwing the eggs with all your might! The windows and entrance covered in goop and shells, when suddenly the front door swung open. A very confused ex stepping out, you scrambled to Diego’s side yelling at him to run. He gestured for you to jump on his back, turning into a dino and rushing you both away from their house but not before he throws an egg right at your ex’s face.

Barely able to breathe from laughter, Diego stopped in a field far away from the now slimy house. Sitting in the tall grass next to each other, regaining your breaths. He was happy to see you smile again, it’ll take some time to get over it, but it felt possible with Diego by your side. “Thank you Diego.” If it wasn’t for the current situation he’d have kissed you right on the spot.

Hot Pants

Just like Diego she will want to hunt down your ex for a good o’ll fight. She’ll bring it up with a deadpan face so you seriously have to talk her out of doing it.

When she’s settled again she’ll focus on you. Because of the way she talks, perhaps a bit rougher, her questions hit harder. Like she really wants to know the answer and will get it out of you regardless of your choice. But you like that about her, it’s the honest caring that makes her so great.

Hot Pants will invite you over to her place and ask you to cook with her. “You need a good hearty meal, crying that much tires you out.” she said while cutting carrots. Her love language is more on the practical side, show them you love them more than you tell them.

And god she wishes she could tell you how much she loves you. She’s never met anyone like you, so kind and loving, always bringing her up when she’s in a bout of guilt. The way you laughed at her crude jokes, the way you held onto her arm when you took a walk together.

She was scared to see you with a partner, but made peace with the thought of never being able to be with you. If that was the way it was going to be, fine. But with all her might she hoped that when the time was right you could be together. So she held onto that thought and prayed for the day it came.

She’ll help you get back up from the worst parts of the break up, ordering you around to get your life back together, offering a shoulder to cry on, a warmth to hug. Perhaps a bit soon she’ll ask you out on a date when you’re past the slump. Hot Pants does not waste time.

[closetedotaku01]

thank u for taking my request!!! it is: so where i work (a front desk job) guys come in who are rlly flirty n shit, usually its harmless, like last week some guy just walked by & gave me a note w his number & i havent stopped thinking abt how akaashi would react to that happening to his gf o_o but sometimes it gets...rlly creepy...i jus wanna read abt akaashi w a gf who gets hit on a lot & how he’d react/comfort her 😔 cuz i wish i had him to make me feel better when men are creepy to me 😔

I’m just happy you trust me to write your request, Em. I’m more than happy to take it on <3. I hope it lives up to what you expect. And I’m very sorry you have to deal with what you’re dealing with it’s... disgusting. But I admire your strength for powering through it every day. And Akaashi would too. He’d be so mad at the situation, but so proud of you.

~~~~~~

Fem!Reader x Akaashi

-When it’s harmless flirting, Akaashi usually brushes it off.

-He’s not fond of the situation, but he understands that beautiful girls often get flirted with, and that you can’t really help being so gorgeous, and having such a beautiful smile. Even when the smile is feigned solely for the purpose of doing your job.

-But he trusts you completely. Akaashi wouldn’t even be in a relationship with someone he didn’t fully trust, so it’s never too much of an issue.

-At most he’ll feign a little jealousy so he can tease you and you can tease him back. He loves the cute little batner when you try to reassure him.

-You came home one night, and while you were taking off your shoes Akaashi came up behind you and gave you a hug. He had really needed you that day. Needed to be near you more than anything. And as he whispered a greeting in your ear, his hands slipped into the pockets of your hoodie as he held you. They went in with the intention of holding your hands which were tucked in the pockets to shield them from the cold, but instead he found a note. With some guy’s phone number. He smiled deviously, before having his face fall back to its usual expression.

-He started walking away and reading the guy’s name out slowly, “Really?”

-You laugh, “Oh. That was just some guy at work, Keiji. He was really sweet.”

-“Sweet?”

-“Yeah, he just slid it over on the desk when he was checking out,” you say, following him as he goes to sit on the couch, still examining the paper like it’s an important document that needs to be reread.

-When you’re in front of him he takes your wrist, and tugs gently, pulling you onto the sofa next to him. “Sweeter than me?” Akaashi teases, kissing your hand gently before lifting it over and around his head so your arm is slung around his neck. You lean against his body looking at the creased piece of paper, an uneven heart next to the nine digits written on it.

-You purse your lips to the side, eyes going to the corner of the ceiling, “Well…”

-His arm is suddenly thrown around your waist, and pulls you close to his chest so you’re almost lying on top of him, “Come on, kitten, you can’t just say that!” His voice is slightly whiny before he leans in and kisses the crown of your head, hand cupping your cheek gently and then slipping below your chin and guiding your face to look up at his.

-“Okay fine, Keiji. You win. You’re sweeter,” you huff, annoyed at the effect he has on you. The way his eyes are so peaceful and full of love just for you that you can never resist him.

-He kisses your nose lightly. “Good,” his voice is deep and intense. You lift your head and kiss his lips, before tucking your face into his neck.

-Akaashi loves knowing that he’s the one who gets your kisses and your eyerolls. Your soft touches and your playful hits. Your love and your teasing. You are his, and he will never understand how he got so lucky.

-However when things go too far… his reaction changes.

~~~~

You come home late. Later than normal. Later than the nights when your shitty boss makes you take on extra shifts. Later than ever before. No texts. No calls. No warning. And the second Akaashi hears the keys, he’s at the door. He’s been pacing the length of the apartment the whole night, waiting for you to get home. Needing you to come home and be with him so he could be certain you were okay.

He just wants to pull you in close and hold you, hold on tight to you, and fall asleep easily.

But when he sees you, he hesitates. Your hair is a mess, your makeup completely gone, your eyes rimmed red, your body closed off to him, your lips swollen.

“Kitten?” he asks softly, approaching you slowly and cautiously like approaching a wounded animal, “Is everything okay?”

You shake your head. You can feel all of it still. The disgust and grime all over you. There’s nothing clean. Nothing safe.

Akaashi knows you too well, “Want me to run a bath for you?” You nod and he gets straight to it, setting up candles and a bath bomb quickly and warming the water to your perfect comfort level. He lets you be alone while you bathe, letting the warm water melt away the day. Melt away the touch of that man’s hand on yours when he took the key to his room. Letting the steam and scented candles fog your mind, separating you from your thoughts, hazing the memory of his sleazy grin and crude remarks. You let your eyes flutter closed, and let it all disappear.

It doesn’t.

You get out of the tub, and squeeze your hair out, just enough so it’s not dripping. Akaashi sitting on the sofa in the living room. His head is leaned back over the back rest, eyes closed in thought. He’s playing with his fingers the way he always does, bending them back slightly and rubbing them up and down before moving to the next one.

You know it’s killing him. He needs to fix it. Wishes he could know what’s wrong and solve it the way he always does, clear the problem and move on. But you’re not ready to talk about it. And there’s no way to really fix it anyway. You spent hours of your shift, and beyond your shift talking to HR. It was the whole reason you were out so late. And they’d only reminded you of precautions you were meant to take. Because there was nothing they could do. Nothing anyone could do. Especially not to undo the damage that had already been done.

You walk around the sofa and he sits up straight, eyes flashing up to you. You know he needs it, and the world always feels a bit safer with Akaashi, so you take one of his hands in yours. You let your eyes meet his and you can see him analyzing you.

It used to bother you. Used to get on your nerves that he didn’t just talk to you. But in moments like this, in the moments when the words seemed impossible, you were grateful he knew you this well. He scoots over slightly, giving you an easy way in, and you take it. You curl up next to him. Your head rests on his shoulder, your hand cupped gently in his as he plays with your fingers now. He sees the way you relax at his gentle touch, and it brings him some peace knowing he’s at least being helpful.

The increasingly late hour makes everything feel oddly calm. Like the events that happened…. didn’t. Like your mind falsified the event, like in a few hours you’d be able to chalk it all up to a dream or being wasted. Of course, every time you think about it, it hits you, all of what he said, what he did, and the terrible realization of what he must have been thinking.

You speak with calculated words, like the story isn’t yours, “It was bad today, Keiji.”

There was no prompting, but Akaashi acts like your words didn’t just come out of nowhere, “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

He nods, lightly bobbing his head, “That’s okay. We can just stay like this. Or I can put on music, or a movie to distract you. But if you want to talk… I want to hear it.”

“Okay,” you say, finally turning your head to face him. He puts on a slight faked smile for you. You know he’s waiting. And you know it’s better to talk about it, to vent, then to let it keep consuming you. Get it out of your head, and then it’ll stop taking up every corner of your mind.

“There was … a really creepy guy at my work today. He …,” with being so mentally distant from the situation, and having already told the woman at work your situation, you thought it’d be easy to say. There was something about telling Akaashi that makes the whole thing real. It makes you realize how sickening it was. Forces you to take in the fact that that man had made a decision. A conscious decision proving that, to him, you and your comfort and boundaries, were not worth respecting. That you were something he believed he had a right to have access to. And the thought makes your mind open, finally accepting what happened, and you can’t go on. Your voice is caught under the lump in your throat, you can feel your eyes welling up.

Your lips press into a line, an attempt to hold in the whimpers threatening to fall out.

Akaashi’s eyes are patient and concerned, but once he realizes there won’t be more he doesn’t know what to do. You take the first motion, needing him closer as you cry into him, and Akaashi scoops you up into him, pulling you as close as the world will allow two people to be. “I’m so sorry.” He lets his large hands care for you, one rubbing up and down your back, pressing your slightly farther into him, the other scratching the back of your head gently.

You nod as you let the tears fall, gripping tight onto his shirt, letting yourself take him in. The smooth, gentle, welcomed feel of his skin as his body surrounds you. The clean, calming smell of him. The faint memory of cologne stuck to his shirt. His body wash, cologne, and detergent, filling your mind with pleasant memories. The warmth radiating off his body into yours. He feels warmer than the bath. You can feel the steadying control he has over his body.

“I’ve got you, Kitten. I’m right here,” he pushes you back only slightly so he can take your hands and loosens your grip on his shirt, instead letting his fingers intertwine with yours, “I’m not going anywhere.” He releases your hands, and his to your back, pressing you into him gently.

You bring your hands up, looping them around his neck and playing with the soft hair at the nape of his neck. You let yourself fall apart, let yourself tumble down and crack and weep, let fractured sentences slip out between sobs, unconcerned that you always leave them unfinished, because you know, no matter how far you break, Akaashi is there holding you together.

He never wavers. His breathing, his heartbeat, the calming strokes of his hands, all of it is steady. And he stays like this until your tears stop flowing, and your hiccups and sobs cease.

“Do you want to tell me the rest or do you want a distraction?”

“Distraction,” you barely manage to get out.

“A movie? A song? Do you want to hear about my day? Or have me tell you a story? Or---?”

“Just wanna hear your voice, Keiji.”

His heart doesn’t know what to do. You hear the way it thrums in his chest. Caught between melting apart at the sweet way you love him, at the knowledge that he can ease you, and breaking apart at how broken you sound.

“Alright, kitten. Let’s see… once upon a time, in a far off kingdom, there was….”

Akaashi continues to tell this little story. It’s mostly nonsense, but you love how his mind works. How he can spin beautiful stories for you whenever you need them.

When you hear him lose his thought, you chime in with a quick detail, your voice soft and raspy. It’s nothing like the stories he writes. These stories are far more special. He usually tells them to you when you’re having trouble sleeping, and you love the calm way he speaks, and the slight voices he does. You’re especially fond of the gentle way he pauses, waiting for you to name every character, or to say which creature the protagonists run into on their quest.

Tonight’s story was about a beautiful princess who, as always, shared your name or some variation of it. The story isn’t one you pay too much attention to, instead focusing on his heartbeat and the way his voice sounds deeper and garbled as it reverberates through his chest. Focusing on the way his body is wrapped around yours, and how safe it feels.

And after a little while, after a few twists and turns in the story, Akaashi manages to lull you to a peaceful sleep in his arms.