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pandoa · 2 years

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when you're gone

~where the prefect has died, and he is left to pick up the pieces they shattered~ ~how they cope with your death~

~headcanons~ ~twisted wonderland x gender neutral reader~

warnings: angst, death

if you think i'm going to sugarcoat anything you're dead wrong i am here for tears :>

on the outside, nothing about him seems to have changed. in the mornings, he still wakes up and goes to class. in the afternoon, he still playfully attends club meetings and meets up with his other friends at nrc. in the nighttime, he doesn’t even spare the lifeless walls of ramshackle a glance as he walks back to his dorm. he seems… normal. however, everyone around him can sense that something is wrong. through his fake laughter and sugarcoated lies, everyone around him can see that he incredibly misses you. you left a hole in his heart that he covered up well in thick, scarlet paint. his lies to his friends bring him a toxic kind of comfort. but his lies to himself bring him more pain as each smile suffocates him with every day that passes.

CATER DIAMOND, lilia vanrouge, KALIM AL-ASIM, ace trappola, rook hunt

he works. he works, and works, and works until every fiber of his body begs him to stop. he just wants to forget about you. why can’t he let you go? he misses you every minute of his day and every second of his night. you infected his mind like a haunting curse sent to bring him down, and so he chose to work. to take his mind off of everything you. to ignore the fact that your absence affected his grieving heart the way that it did. you were his greatest distraction, after all. but why deal with grief when there was a perfectly long list of to-do’s to complete right before him instead?

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS, azul ashengrotto, jamil viper, VIL SCHOENHEIT, ruggie bucchi

he sits at your resting place a little longer than he should. most of the time, he is simply just sitting next to your grave, quiet and lost in his thoughts. when no other person is around, he talks to you. he speaks about his days, the latest shenanigans your friends have been stirring, the new shops that have opened since your passing, the inexplainable emptiness he feels whenever he turns around and remembers you won’t be there by his side like usual. he watches as the flowers around the cemetery bloom and wither with the inevitable work of time. on his days off from class, he stays by your engraved stone as the sun rises and sets, sitting beside you to keep you company. he dearly yearns for your warmth; however, he supposes the cold touch of your gravestone against the caresses of his fingertips was good enough.

jack howl, cater diamond, EPEL FELMIER, ruggie bucchi, jade leech, LILIA VANROUGE, idia shroud, malleus draconia

he’s irrational. angry. rage seems to be the only thing on his mind. if you think he made livid choices before, then you clearly did not see him the day your death was announced. when crowley had confirmed that you were, in fact, dead, he couldn’t believe it. wait—no. he wouldn’t believe it. someone as strong as you couldn’t die so easily. he knew you all too well. and from that day on, he made it his mission to be the most difficult and obnoxious person to have ever set foot in twisted wonderland, regardless of the chaos he caused because of it. he doesn’t care if others are appalled by his actions. he doesn’t care if his actions caused by anger affect the people around him. fine! let them suffer! their agony cannot compare to the ache he feels, though. he may be blinded by his emotions, but what does it matter anyway? his heart was bleeding and it wasn’t fair.

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR, floyd leech

he dreams of you every night. whether those dreams are joyful ones or replays of terrible memories, he dreams of it all. you cloud his mind like a never-ending mist, and he can’t seem to get rid of you. you were his star in the darkest shadows of the night. however all stars must burn out eventually, and it seems that you decided to burn out sooner than he thought. each new dream of his unlocks an unwanted image of you. images of you and him laughing along the sunlit pathways of his dorm. images of your precious face, rosy from something he just said. images of you and him together—the way it should have been. it’s to the point that he wishes he could sleep forever just so he can see the image of your face and the sweetness of your voice, even if only in his imagination. the moment he closes his eyes, he does not wish to wake up. he only wants to dream of you again and again until even he is sucked into the depths of death as well.

riddle rosehearts, SILVER, azul ashengrotto, idia shroud, trey clover, rook hunt, malleus draconia

he doesn’t believe it. you couldn’t have died, you just couldn’t! what would happen to all the memories you made? the future the two of you would make together? the future you both had dreamed about? it was impossible. you can’t be dead. conflicted emotions boil within him as he convinces himself that you are still alive. that you are simply taking a short break from nrc and would return home to him soon. everyone around him is pained to see him being in such shambles—the innocence in denial was just too sweet of a spell. even as he watched your coffin descend six feet to the ground on that mournful day, he remained chained to the shackles of disbelief as tears began to stain his crestfallen face.

deuce spade, epel felmier, kalim al-asim, sebek zigvolt

a/n: there was one point where i got so into imagining these hcs that i literally could not see what i was writing bc tears were streaming down my face 💀

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knightyoomyoui · 3 months

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The 1% Of Chances | TWICE Jeongyeon x Male Reader Fanfic : CHAPTER 11

One chapter left to go and that is the finale of the next update, but before that, some revelations must be unveiled first to further enlighten how these all started. The outline I made for this chapter is probably the shortest of all, but I tried to write it longer since we’re already at the climax of the story and its importance. Expect that the questions raised by most of the parts from the hints I’ve dropped through the previous chapters will be finally answered here. Enjoy reading!

The person who was sitting on the spare chair beside his hospital bed froze when he rotated his body to face the patient. He dropped the plastic bag on his hands and quickly lunged at his friends, as the latter was still recovering his eyesight. YN can hear gasps and amused reactions coming from someone who couldn’t believe what he’s seeing.

YN! You’re awake! Oh god, just wait here, bro. I’m calling the nurses! ”The person quickly pats him on the arm before he sprints his way out of the room. As he opened the door to disappear, YN’s consciousness regained, as did his senses. Analyzing his current situation, he confirmed that he is indeed still in a hospital gown laid flat on the bed in the center of a boring, white, plain room.

He tried to straighten his posture and prepare to sit up, but YN suddenly felt a throbbing pain on the back of his head, causing him minor discomfort. Just as when he had it, the person returned along with two nurses and a doctor with him. They caught YN shutting his eyes and holding his head irritably, which encouraged them to come in support of the suffering patient.

"Hey, YN, does it hurt again? ”The person asked you as he approaches beside you. The doctor excused him from lending him the way to check up on you, and he did, letting the experts determine what you’re feeling.

"Mr. LN, don’t force yourself, please. Try to recline your head back on the pillow,” the doctor said as he gripped both of your shoulders to guide you down. As the nurses focused on helping you, the doctor confronted your guardian. “You bought food for him? ”

“I did, doc.”, he nodded. “:Good, he’ll need it. We brought some painkiller medicine in case a scenario like this happens. If he calms down, then it’s good that you must feed him and have him take the-” “W-where am I?” Their conversation got interrupted when your words caught both of their attention, one with curiosity and one with surprise. The two nurses became speechless, as they all knew already what this hint meant for them to discover. They just looked at each other and then into the two other guys with them who were monitoring your clueless expression.

Your eyes swayed back and forth to their presence around you, eyebrows furrowed as confusion strikes you in. “Who are you people? What am I doing here.”

“D-doc, is he-” “You’re in a hospital, Mr. LN. “ The doctor cuts him off and directly answered your curiosities. “You are currently confined here because of the accident you got involved into.” “Accident?” Your brows knitted deeper. “Yes. You don’t remember what happened to you?” “I-I don’t. I don’t even know why am I here.” You shrugged, still confused at what they’re pertaining at. Your friend’s heart felt like it dropped hearing that.

“How about us, especially him. Do you remember him?” The doctor pointed at the guy beside him who is just observing the interrogation. You looked at him and was eagerly waiting for the response he’s hoping to hear, but instead his smile fades away when he heard the opposite.

“I don’t either.” The guy looked back at the doctor, who glanced at him seriously. He shook his head, like it conveyed something. He gestured for him to come closer to him and lead themselves away from you as they discussed privately. You did nothing except just watch him chat while the nurses even had to confirm if you didn’t really know your guardian. “D- doc, what is this? Did that really happen?” The guy had some more thoughts needed to be let out. “Calm down, Mr. Choi.” The doctor advised the guy who is evidently panicking deep inside and worried for his friend. “Yes, what we just saw happened. He really can’t remember what happened to him and even… you.” “Then what is this, does it mean he has amnesia now?” The latter uttered in disbelief. “Could be, maybe its just temporary… or not.” The guardian’s face fell into shambles. “But, we can’t figure it out how long his memory loss will be. But one thing’s for sure, that injury he had in his head probably damaged his brain’s structure of the limbic system. It’s not just a concussion that he took from the accident so that why it’s most likely that his brain will get affected worse by it and unfortunately, it’s the part that controls his emotions and memories.”

“D-doc, there’s still a way to help him regain everything he doesn’t remember, right?” The guardian questioned full of hopefulness.

“Yes, as long as we guide him through it. But first, we have to run some tests for him to help us understood exactly his head injury and what are the effects it brought to him.” “Okay, doc. As long as it will do anything good to him, I’m willing to cooperate for the sake of my friend.” He said with confidence “You’re a real one for that, Mr. Choi.” The doctor agreed. They stopped their conversation to return back to the patient who is still questioning what’s going on right now. “Alright, Mr. LN. We had a brief talk about you and I just want to inform you that due to the condition or behavior you’ve been showing to us… it seems pretty obvious you are currently unwell, right now.”

“Unwell?” “Yes. You don’t remember anything as of the moment. You can’t remember what happened to you, nor this man who is a close individual of yours in your life, and that’s crucial, because that’s not a good sign to suddenly forgot something important like they didn’t… exist.” The doctor explained.

“Wait… so does that mean I-” “You have sustained multiple injuries in your body, but the most critical is your head. Mainly that’s why it brought you to forgot everything because of the impact it received. But don’t worry, Mr. LN. We’re here to guide you through your recovery, so please I recommend you to calm down and participate with us.” You just nodded understandably at what the doctor said. As they excused themselves, the guy sat beside him and looked at him with worry and sadness enveloping his feelings. “Hey, man. Sucks that you have to be like this for god knows how long but, I’ll never leave your side as long as you need me, like through this tough time we’re going at.” You looked attentively at the unfamiliar person in front of you, but you know that everything that’s coming out of his mouth is purely sincere. He really does make it felt like he’s a loved one who takes care of him much.

“I’m ready to guide you recollect all the memories you lose, including everything we’ve been through. Don’t waste it man, we had some fun times together many many times before your accident.”

“Accident?” You asked. “I really didn’t expect that I’ll be like this. All I know is that my head wasn’t doing good but not like this.” “I think it’s because as what the doctors said, man. You have fo-” “No, but I’m sure I haven’t got to any accident. I still know what brings me here.” Your friend became puzzled at what you’re trying to say. “I had a severe headache then suddenly I got placed here but not looking like… this.” You said as you glanced around your body almost made your appearance like half-mummified. “And there’s this… someone who I was talking with, and she… she cries for me…” Your friend’s eyes widened as he immediately recognized who you are referring to. “S-she?”, he had to repeat to clarify if what he heard was actually right.

“Yes. She seemed… very concerned of me. She was too afraid that I’m gonna die but I assured her that I won’t. I slept and then when I woke up, she’s not here with me anymore.” You said while staring straight at the blank wall in front of your distance. “D-did you see or atleast… know her? I don’t know her name… or even her face.” Your friend choked on his breath as he had to witness your tears drop from your eyes. He doesn’t know why, but seeing you emotionally had brought him easily to let loose of his own. You've been his soul brother since you were kids; that’s why everything that you feel is what he also shares with you.

But what brought him to feel bad for you was that... he knows why you are crying, while at the same time, he feels sorry for you that you still even had to keep her on your mind even in the depths of your despair.

Help me understand everything, please,” you begged for him. He nodded and gripped your hand. “I will, I promise.” “And if I do… can you… atleast introduce me to her, again?” He stared at you and was about to release another tears of pity but he tried his best to remained composed and tightlipped for you. “I’ll try my best.” You smiled timidly, feeling satisfied for his choice. “Sorry if I couldn’t remember your name, but I can tell that we had a lot of history together.” “Oh we are.” He chuckled. “We’ve been through a lot, man. I’ve known every bits of you, because I’m the only person you have to share your stories with. Looks like this time, it’s my turn to re-tell everything you have told me back to you.” “And I’ll listen to everything just like what you did for me.” You returned the appreciation. “You don’t know how happy I am that you are now fine, dude.” He huffed in relief and finally, his voice sounded delightful and vibrant again because of his stable condition. “You’ve been like in a coma for… 2 weeks already.” “What?” “Yeah, I was like fearing that you might never wake up but… my prayers proved it wrong. You did woke up but sadly you couldn’t remember me, but that’s fine. What matters is that I still have my bestfriend around, right?”

You chuckled and agreed to him, entertained at his kind and amusing personality. “Yeah.” “I’m Choi Somin, by the way. Take note of that name always, it might became handy for me to start bringing back everything you’ve lost.” “Will do, Somin.” “Nice!” He smiled. He ducked and grabbed the plastic bag that he dropped on the floor a while ago. “Oh, by the way, I bought you so foods to eat. The doctor said you have to eat since you’ve been unresponsive for 2 weeks so… eat as much as you want then you can take the prescribed medicine after, okay?”

“Thanks, Somin.” Somin takes out all the supplies he bought to satisfy your hunger, and he prepares them himself for you as part of his responsibility as a guardian. You were watching TV as he wanted to ease your boredom at least by entertaining yourself watching those shows being flashed on the screen that you may have seen before, but now you have no idea what they are. Your focus then shifted to Somin, who cooked you some tteokbokki and japchae, in which he assisted in feeding you with a spoon.

After you munched the spoonful of food in your mouth, you proceeded to ask Somin, who was also eating his plate of food, for his turn. “How did I got into an accident?” Somin paused from eating and viewed you who is staring back at him, wondering with that question. He sighed and placed his plate on his lap and swallowed his food before giving you a reply. “All I’ve heard is that you’ve been involved in some collision of a van and a carrier truck. But then when I watched the news that reported what happened, that’s where I got the entire story based from the witnesses who were there to see how did you became into one of its victims…” Weeks ago, after you had finished your job interview, you were about to leave when Somin called you on the phone, asking about how your interview went and your plans with him for tomorrow morning. He then mentioned on the phone that “2 years have passed since that happened."

Somin was actually referring to your late mother, who passed away due to cancer. You grew up with a single mother, and your dad was nowhere to be found after he abandoned you and your mother. You once tried to search for him, but as you matured, you realized that it was his wrongdoing, and he's not worthy to have you both again.

You stopped looking for your dad and fully accepted that your mom decided to continue being a single parent just to raise you and build a better life for his son, even if he didn’t have an ideal family. You didn’t care at all instead, because your mother is enough to consider your family to be rather strong than perfect.

However, it all vanished when the unfortunate circumstances had to unfairly happen for a woman like her.

The only woman who fought till the end just to stay by your side... even if it costs her life due to her unselfishness. You both love and hate her so much for that, but even if you argue with her over and over again about that, you know she'll always win. She loves you so much, and that love is your weakness, which was her strength, but... fate went upside down, as it was instead the one who pushed her to the risk of disappearing forever.

Despite having colon cancer, she never stopped assisting you, even if you were already a young adult. Even at those remaining times she has left to live, she used it still to make you feel cherished and be the proudest son ever to her.

That’s why when she passed away, it was never easy for you every single day when you'd think about it. Every day until the 2nd consecutive time, you have been visiting her grave with flowers and everything as a treat together with the only person you have left who became super close to your mom too, your childhood neighbor turned to be your best friend, Somin. After Somin mentioned the time you and him talked about your mom on the phone, he recalled that you said goodbye to him because you were about to buy flowers to bring to the cemetery.

And that’s the last conversation he had with you before that accident happened.

At the time you stopped driving to follow the red light as people were granted to cross on the street, you were checking out the latest posts of your favorite K-Pop girl group TWICE for their comeback, which you couldn’t remember anymore.

Based on Somin’s narration to the reports he learned from the news, just as the traffic light turned into green, a truck being driven by a driver who lost its brake had its wheels to roll uncontrollably by itself and led the truck to collide on the back of the van, which then forcefully bumped it to the one lining in front of it.

And the one that’s in front of the van was you riding your motorcycle.

You flung from your motor due to the heavy impact, causing you to smash your head and face first on the trunk of the car before your body got twisted badly at the motor, which your legs are still tucked in. As you were about to fall off the road, the van caught your arm mid-air and pressed the now-reversed motor through it, sending multiple fractures and injuries mostly through your arm, waist, and legs.

However, your head took a lot of damage, making it possible that you might lose memories from the external force your head took on the trunk of the car. Somin couldn’t confirm what type of injury it is, but he hopes that it will result in temporary memory loss for you.

He was about to mention more when both of you heard a knock on the door. “Wait here, okay? ”You just nodded and let Somin attend to this on his own. As you took your time to process the story that Somin has shared to you, especially grieving and saddened about the truth of your loving mother’s death 2 years ago, Somin opened the door and got alerted of the person who is standing in front of him. He immediately closed the door and stepped out to confront the lady who decided to visited the patient. Knowing that the identity of this woman is now unknown to you, Somin better chose to keep this one distant from you to discuss it first about your state. “How is he?” “He just woke up an hour ago.” The woman covered her gasping mouth and got teary eyed. “Oh my… thank God, h-how is he? Can I see him?”

She was about to peek on the door and open it but Somin blocked her way, making her confused. “N-not yet. I don’t think so.” “Why? Is there something wrong?” Somin sighed and looked around him problematically before he faced again the curious individual. “There is.” “What is it?” “H-he… he couldn’t remember anything.”

“What?” She muttered. “He doesn’t know how he got his injuries, me personally, and probably… you.”

“Oh no…” She expressed distress similar to what Somin has been going through. “The accident really a took a toll on him.” Her face then stretched in astonishment as she realized something. “Wait… don’t tell me…”

“He wanted to remember her.” Somin confesses. The latter gazed back and a large frown plastered across her lips. She was on the verge of crying at how the accident horribly affected both of them.

“He said that what he knows instead is that he has her rather guarding him while he’s confined and not me.” Somin couldn’t help but to let a crack on his voice as he looked away from the girl who is already sobbing at how heartbreaking it is for the both of them to learn what a depressing fate their friends had ended up into.

He hooked her around his arm and engulfed her in his embrace to let the poor friend writhe in agony as he rubs her back gently for comfort. Somin then whispered near to her ear. “But… Nayeon, how are we supposed to tell him about her?”

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storiumemporium · 2 years

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Aemond Targaryen - Sex and Pleasure

A series of headcanons of how Aemond is in bed with his lovers- male or female.

I have other shit planned for my favorite war criminal, but I figured I'd get my foot through the door with something fun first. ;3c

With Men

Aemond harbors no fondness for men, I’m afraid. He’s had almost nothing but terrible experiences with the same sex his entire youth, and it has heavily painted his behaviors in adulthood. (Mommies boy w daddy issues wombo combo, here.)

When he beds men, he does it solely for the immediate pleasure- and he is not kind about it.

That isn’t to say he’s cruel in the sense of his brother, though cruel is still not an inaccurate word in itself.

Aemond’s cruelty varies widely, however.

He is anything from an impish torturer to downright violent.

On his good days, he takes the former— teasing, teasing, teasing. He’ll make you beg, he’ll make you sob. You’ll be aching, burning, pleading, ready to gnaw off your own fucking foot before he gives you- and himself- the satisfaction of watching you come undone with the force of the Fourteen Flames.

You’re too limp to notice that he’s yet to cum- yet to even undress half the time- and he is simpering in your ear all the while. “Is that the best you could do for your Prince..? Tsk. Shameful.”

On his bad days though..?

Most can’t tell if you’ve come from a fuck or a fight.

Bruises, bites so hard he draws blood, absolute downright aggression from the deepest, darkest, most pent up parts of his soul. He spares you not a word, simply takes what he needs with the force of the Dragon in his veins. The only noise you are afforded are his grunts of exertion, burning through the rage he keeps so carefully locked away.

Things shift only slightly if you end up someone he likes— or rather, a favored prostitute among the pack.

With you, he likes to play out stories.

Sitting leisurely in a chair, a glass of wine in his hand, his eyepatch discarded- a discreet sign of his favor toward you- as he lets you lick at his boots, take them undone with teeth and tongue. If you can manage it fast enough, you’re rewarded with a taste of his wine.

Straight from his mouth.

He likes when you call him ‘King’, when you fulfill those fantasies he keeps so desperately tamped down, always concerned with being the good son, with not contributing to his mothers’ pain.

Otherwise he rewards you with conversation, and a- well- a lack of aggression or meanness, though if you had not witnessed that prior, you would not know you were being treated with any sort of kindness or gentleness from him.

With you- and only with you- might he sit for leisurely time even after the activities have subsided. Regaling you or even humoring your own tales when he finds himself unable or unwilling to keep conversation.

Perhaps, you might even get to see the Prince sleep. The only time you will ever see the gentleness his heart can hold.

But With Women

Ah… this poor, sweet boy.

All that aggression vanishes with women.

Now I must say, there is no casual experiences with women. None. Natta. If you think Aemond straight then he remains virginal, dry as Dornish sands until the day he finds love or betrothal.

As it stands, Aemond loves the women of his family and has seen too intimately the suffering caused by a mans’ wanton debauchery- everything from the endless stress wrought upon his mother, to the aching loneliness of his sister.

Not to mention, he daresay dislikes to mention or even think of, the things that his disgusting brother Aegon would do to the innocent women of the Red Keep.

It is for this, he only takes you once you are well and truly his, in heart if not in name.

Where he would be commanding, commandeering, even draconian with men- he is utterly pliant for the woman of his soul.

(Service top, through and through.) Aemond will border on being a sub with you, though his own pride and desire for control in all things prevents him- so expect for a very, very affectionate and almost needy top. You'll be hard pressed to get an outright dom from him, especially with how much he loves you and wants you to feel it.

He will be as gentle or as rough as you like, but affectionate always. Even his teases are sweet, calling you things like Trapped Dove as he kisses the sides of your face.

In truth, teasing would not be frequent. What Aemond feels, he feels entirely, wholly and completely. He is struck with desire for you abruptly, viciously, and it spurs him to take you without pretext or embellishment- he has no need of it with you.

Kisses, gentle in feeling but devouring in emotion. Cradling you like glass even as it feels like he wishes to slot you inside his ribs and keep you with him forever.

Asking you what you want, if what he is doing is good, if he needs to do anything better, if you needed more or less. His words are confident, but his eyes are pleading and tender, unsure. Always somewhat unsure with himself when it came to you.

The first time you see his false eye, you were the one that had to take the eyepatch off.

Riding him in his lap, your back to the fire, his stare upon you reverent as ever. You could see the sweat around the patch, could imagine how uncomfortable it must feel.

It hurt you slightly, to know he would make himself more uncomfortable out of fear that you would be disgusted.

Off it came, faster than he could react- refuse- and you were kissing the scarring around the socket even as you whimpered pitifully for him.

That was the fastest he’d cum with you.

He revels in being able to grab you in ways that would be violent- frightening- with any other man.

A hand firmly around your throat, grabbing your jaw, bunched loosely in the hair at the base of your skull.

The way even as he holds you in such a threatening fashion, you remain utterly lax- utterly trusting.

That delicate feeling of your little pulse thundering away against his calloused palm. But not from terror- no- anticipation.

It was when he did things like this with you that he understood his Dragon had to be Vaghar- a woman.

There was no greater exhilaration or satisfaction in the world than the gentle taming of a woman, no matter how timid she may already be. Great dragon, or delicate Lady.

Even if Aemond were not already utterly repulsed by Aegon, he would always feel a condescending pity toward his older brother for not being able to understand- let alone indulge- in the finer things such as this.

Always for the quick fuck, violent, forceful, forced.

He would never understand the sight of soft, firelit eyes. Of hair willingly loosed for him, of angelic plush lips parted. The way he could take flesh to teeth or blade and you would merely say his name, a soft croon, a loving plea.

He is as fond of the aftermath as he is the act. Kisses and soft, hoarse voices. Talking to you of anything- asking if there is anything you need tended to. But most of all, laying his head upon your chest- utterly exposed- and feeling nothing but love and comfort and safety.

His. His. His. All his.

#aemond #aemond targaryen #aemond one eye #aemond kinslayer #aemond x you #aemond smut #prince aemond #aemond x reader #house of the dragon #hotd

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savemefromanepicoftimewasted · 1 year

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Why Does Change Hurt So Much? Pt. 3

Joel Miller X Wife!Reader Ellie Williams X Dina

Surrogate or not, Ellie was absolutely Joel’s daughter and anyone who argued that she wasn’t could kick rocks. Maybe that was why you felt so protective over her, neither of you were blood related but there was a bond you’d never felt before. a/n:thank you to everyone who has read part 1 and 2! if you do read this feedback is much appreciated warnings:mentions of violence, mentions of wounds, Joel talking about his past, if i missed any please let me know! Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Joel was nearly comatose for a week, drifting in and out of consciousness every now and then as the nurses and doctor made their usual rounds. You didn’t bother to complain one bit, mainly thankful that he was even able to look at you for those brief seconds he was awake. Ellie had indeed brought food whenever she had managed to swing by the cafeteria. She offered to sit with him so you could go home and take a quick shower, which was much appreciated. While you knew there was a chance Joel could wake up while you weren’t there, he’d be more upset if you weren’t taking care of yourself. It was touch and go for the first couple of days, he sparked a very high fever that they couldn’t break. The incisions were healing nicely, no signs of infection which was your biggest worry. Now you just needed him to stay awake for longer than a minute and your mind would be put at ease.

“Hey, Ellie wasn’t able to make it but she wanted to make sure you had something to eat,” Jesse brought over a covered plate of food.

“Thank you, I honestly don’t think I would’ve eaten had it not been for you guys,” You smiled up at him, gently peeling off the foil to dig in.

“Yeah, it’s not easy watching someone you care about not knowing if they’ll survive,” It was upsetting to say the least, this was your world.

Jesse left after a couple more minutes, saying that he needed to attend to his daily duties and would have Ellie swing by later in the day. The food, while more lukewarm than hot, filled your stomach pleasantly. You’d have to make Joel some of his favorites while he was home for however long the doctor said. Maybe you could convince Maria to let you have some of the spare cocoa powder they had and make him a cake.

Joel’s eyelids fluttered for a moment before they opened, glancing around the room and taking everything in. He could feel you sitting beside him, the edge of the plate you were eating off of pressing against the back of his arm.

“Darling?” His throat felt dry, chest aching as he looked over at you.

“Joel! Oh thank god you’re awake!” You wanted to wrap your arms around him but there wasn’t much you could do without causing him pain.

“What happened?” He reached for your hand, grimacing at the way his chest protested.

“Seth and a couple of his asshole friends jumped you, Tommy found you outside and brought you to the infirmary,” You were angry, Tommy had admitted they’d found Seth and the two accomplices just as they were trying to escape the commune’s walls.

Tommy hadn’t said what they had done with the three men and as of right now you weren’t sure you wanted to know. Ellie would most likely speak her mind and make sure they suffered for what they’d done. There were times you wanted nothing more than to go down to the jail and torture them yourself. No, Joel needed you more than anything right now so getting your hands dirty wasn’t the right thing to do.

“Oh, makes sense,” Joel rested his head back against the pillows, having any kind of enemy was a death wish these days.

“Joel Allan Miller, you need to start being more careful!” Maybe yelling at him wasn’t the smartest idea, but goddamnit you were angry with the situation.

If you’d had any sense you would’ve slapped him for being so nonchalant about the entire situation. You couldn’t, and wouldn’t do that though.

“Ellie came by when you were in surgery, we have two new guests,” Maybe it was slightly petty, but Joel was still delirious and you were upset.

“Shit, she’s turning into me,” Joel pouted, reaching up to touch the gauze that covered his wounds.

“You knew exactly what was going to happen, she learned from the best,” You grabbed Joel’s hand before he could pick at the gauze.

He looked almost offended that you denied him of doing something so stupid. The last thing he needed was to irritate the stitches and cause an infection. You simply stared him down, waiting to see what retort he would come back with.

“Hey, sorry I couldn’t make it earlier had to go on early patrol,” Ellie was still brushing off the fresh snow from her jacket as she walked inside.

One of the newcomers was standing behind her almost nervously, her eyes locked onto where Joel was lying, a million and one emotions flashing over her face. It was a sickening realization that she must’ve known who Joel was, there wasn’t any doubt in your mind.

“Hey it’s Ellie bean,” Joel chuckled, hissing out a breath at the pain in his ribs.

“Joel I haven’t been called that since I was fifteen,” Even though she rolled her eyes, the smile on her face gave her away.

“Still always gonna be my Ellie bean,” It was a nickname he’d come up with during one of their many outings.

You rolled your eyes and patted the back of his hand gently, he had stopped trying to go after the gauze finally so you felt it was safe enough for him to not be held down.

“I didn’t get your name the last time we met, I’m Y/N and this is my husband Joel,” You gestured from yourself over to Joel who looked ready to fall back asleep.

“I’m Abby, my friend you met last time is Lev, he’s with Dina right now,” So that’s why he wasn’t glued to her side anymore.

“I hope you’ve been able to settle in, Jackson can be kind of overwhelming if you’re not used to it,” It was true, you’d been terrified to leave your home for the first few weeks.

Abby went to respond before Ellie caught her attention, mentioning that they were serving pot roast at the cafeteria. You’d talk with Ellie later on about what you noticed, right now you needed to get some food into Joel before he passed out again.

“Sweetheart, you need to get some food and water into you before you take another nap, okay?” You didn’t want to push him, but he needed some nutrition.

Joel just nodded, head lolling to the side as you ran out of the building to go and get him something to drink and eat. Ellie and Abby were close enough that you could make out the expression of joy on Ellie’s face. While you didn’t want to confront Abby, you knew the truth was going to come out eventually. For now you were going to make sure your husband was fed before worrying about everything else.

Tommy had already packed up two plates, along with a thermos full of ice cold water for you to take back to Joel. It was nice to know that his brother cared about him so much, considering how much shit you’d gone through lately. How could you even bring up that one of the people from Joel’s past was now inside of Jackson’s walls? No, don’t start thinking about things like that, Joel is fine.

“Hey!” Shit, you were almost back to Joel.

“Hey, what’s up?” You turned to face Maria who was now standing across from you, her raised brow caught you off guard for a brief moment.

“I was heading over to see what Tommy was doing, but I can already see what that might have been. How’s he doing?” Maria was kind and friendly, but right now your emotions were running wild.

“He’s starting to stay awake for longer than a few seconds which is nice, Ellie swung by earlier to check on him,” And nearly gave you a heart attack as well.

Maria nodded to herself, looking down at her snow boots before her gaze locked back onto you. She could see right through you, and damnit it was not a nice feeling whatsoever.

“I met the new girl too, she seems friendly,” Just a few more steps and you’re home free.

“Yeah, Tommy met her yesterday, she’s gonna start training so they can see how she does on patrols,” Of course, they needed all hands on deck.

“Makes sense, Joel’s gonna be out of commission for a while so if you guys need me for anything please don’t hesitate to ask,” Sure you wouldn’t willingly leave Joel on his own, nor did you expect them to ever truly ask for your help.

Maria assured you she would ask if there was something you could help with, patrols would be off the table entirely. Could you even handle leaving Joel for longer than a few minutes? No, it sounded too painful to think about. You sighed to yourself and finished the walk back to the infirmary hoping that Joel had managed to either stay awake, or wake back up. To your delight, or horror you weren’t entirely sure, there was already someone in the room.

“Oh, I didn’t think anyone else would be here,” The woman turned her head, jumping up from the chair as if it shocked her.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize there was anyone else here,” You narrowed your eyes at her, did she not know who he was? Who you were?

“I was just getting some food for my husband, for when he stays awake long enough to eat,” The air in the room filled with a tension that could’ve choked you, you held your ground and made it known you wouldn’t back down.

“He reminds me of my dad, maybe a little bit grayer but, yeah,” That wasn’t what you were expecting. Most women still tried to throw themselves at Joel, even when he made it known he wasn’t interested.

You set down the plates nearby, stepping over to the opposite side of the bed so that you could not only see this stranger, but also keep an eye on the door. The nurse would be making her rounds in a few minutes which helped ease your mind.

“How old was he?” You weren’t sure why you were trying to engage this girl in conversation, but it felt rude not to.

“Forty eight when he died, happened before my mom and I got to Jackson,” Too young, you hadn’t known Joel when he was that age.

“That’s so young, have you and your mom been here long?” Why did you feel protective of this girl now?

“A few years, we got here after Joel and Ellie came back,” You had already been living here for about a year when Joel Miller arrived with his daughter.

“Sorry for barging in by the way, I had come in with my mom and got sidetracked,” The girl laughed nervously, stepping further away from the bed to make her escape.

“It’s okay,” You didn’t want to make things any more awkward for her.

The room fell silent as she all but ran out the door leaving you, and a once dead asleep Joel to occupy it. It was all the stress, you were overthinking everything after nearly losing Joel for the second time, nothing to worry about.

“Smell food,” Joel mumbled slowly, hand reaching towards you blindly.

“Yes I brought food, figured you’d be hungry by now,” You stepped over to where the plates were, grabbing one to help Joel eat since he’d most likely need assistance now.

He managed to stay awake for nearly half the plate, humming after every few bites as you helped him eat. It was nice to know that he was still able to eat without any struggle, lord knows you had been worried he’d start to lose too much weight being in bed.

“I heard Ellie came by with someone, is she nice?” His eyes were slightly unfocused, though you weren’t entirely surprised.

“Yeah she’s friendly, they’re training her to see if she’d be good for patrols,” It was easier to tell Joel the good things about what’s been going on lately.

Would you ever tell any of them the truth about who she was? Or would you keep it all hidden away so they never knew? Shit, this wasn’t going as planned and you were getting more stressed by the second. Joel could practically feel the unease pouring off of you in waves, what had gotten you so worried that you wouldn’t talk to him about it?

“They found Seth!” Ellie burst into the room, sneakers skidding to a squeaky halt when she realized that Joel was awake.

“Why were they looking for ‘im?” Joel was still groggy, eyes drooping as he fought off the tight grip sleep had on him.

“Joel, Seth is the reason you’re in the hospital,” Ellie raised a brow at him, had he completely forgotten what happened?

Joel grumbled under his breath, pulling the blanket higher to fight off the chill that lingered in the room. Shit, if he’d forgotten something like that, then what else was he bound to forget?

“Isn’t the first time I got put into the infirmary for protecting someone I cared about,” That caused your brow to furrow in confusion, what had that meant?

“Joel?” You turned towards him, abandoning the plate you were about to eat off of.

“Tess was being stalked by this guy, so I decided to pay him a visit, ended up killing him but the fucker got a good enough jab that I had internal bleeding,” You’d always known that Joel was protective of those he cared about, but to hear this shocked you.

“I swear to god Joel, if I find out that you’re here because of Tom,” Joel snickered to himself, grimacing as the pain in his side spread over his entire stomach.

“He fucking deserved what happened, wouldn’t leave you alone,” Maybe it was the protective side in him, maybe it was seeing one of his closest friends nearly get killed, who knows.

Tess threw her hands up, walking away before she could berate Joel any further and end up saying something that was mean. The plus side was Tom wouldn’t be around to stalk her around the QZ anymore. No, no rewarding Joel for making terrible decisions that were going to get him killed one day.

“No more picking fights, the last thing we need is you getting killed because some asshole decided that I would be his next victim,” Tess could defend herself, having done it for years before meeting Joel.

“You know that’s not going to happen, gonna protect you no matter what,” Joel would fight until his last breath, no matter who it was for.

“Joel,” You couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your cheeks, he’d been through so much that you were completely unaware of.everything that had happened to him.

Joel frowned, opening his arms as much as was feasible and held them out towards you. You all but threw yourself into his embrace, tears soaking into the thin t-shirt he had on. This man had defended so many people and what did he get in return? Ellie walked over quietly, wrapping her arms around the both of you in what she hoped was a comforting embrace.

“I love you so much, don’t you ever forget that,” You pressed your face further into his chest, sighing in relief when his arms wrapped tighter around you and Ellie.

“I love you too, both of you,” Joel ruffled Ellie’s hair, chuckling when she pushed his arm away with a huff.

Things were going to work out perfectly fine, you’d have Joel back in the house before you knew it and he’d be back working with the sheep. It was all going to be fine.

Everything was in fact, not fine, as Joel’s body healed and his ribs were no longer broken, he was adamant about getting daily exercise to make sure that he didn’t get sick. Tommy had mentioned they’d taken care of the men who attacked Joel, Ellie was oddly quiet that day. Joel had tried to engage her in conversation but she continuously shut him down. It had you worried that something had happened during the “trial” a few people had attended. You had wanted to go, to watch Seth suffer for what he’d done, but Joel needed you at home.

“They executed them, everyone” Ellie was quiet, legs pulled up so her chin rested on her knees.

“They attacked Joel after he defended you, I’m sure they would’ve done much worse,” You had a feeling something had happened but to hear that they were executed made you feel some type of way.

Joel hadn’t asked about Seth, or his ridiculous goons even after he was back home in the comfort of his own bed. You were somewhat thankful Joel hadn’t said a word, more curious about his past than anything. You knew about Tess, about how they’d met Bill and Frank through the radio, the lunches they would have out in the countryside. It made you wish you knew more about him, about the man he was before the world collapsed.

“Does this make us bad people?” Ellie had always been afraid of being lumped in with people like raiders, they were the scum of the earth.

“Getting rid of a few people to save hundreds is sometimes the best thing to do,” Maybe killing someone wasn’t the best thing to do, but if Seth was willing to try and kill Joel because he defended Ellie? It didn’t matter how upset you were, Seth had to go.

The one thing you would never let Ellie believe is that she’s a bad person for doing what it takes to stay alive. There were plenty of things in your past that would make Ellie think twice about ever trusting you again.

“Hey, could I talk to you?” Abby, the newcomer you’d slowly warmed up to, was standing beside the table you and Ellie were sitting at.

“Uhh, yeah, of course,” You pushed yourself up from the table, letting Ellie know to stay so you wouldn’t lose out on your seat.

Abby quickly talked outside, shoulders hunched forwards as if she was afraid to say what was on her mind. Would this be the big breakthrough that you were waiting for? Shit, how was this conversation even going to go? She turned down one of the alley’s, if it could even be considered that, and stopped when the two of you were about halfway down.

“I’m so sorry, it’s my fault that your husband came back hurt the first time. My friend and I were looking for supplies and that’s when I realized he was even in the room with us,” She sighed, playing with the end of her braid nervously.

“He didn’t even put up a fight when I stabbed him, just grabbed my wrist so I couldn’t run off too quickly. I was afraid he was there to kill us, wouldn’t be the first time I was stalked by someone looking to settle a score,” Her voice slowly trailed off, leaving you both confused and oddly comforted.

You had always known that Joel wouldn’t fight a kid, not after seeing what Ellie had gone through years prior. Then again Joel wasn’t above killing someone if it meant keeping himself safe during patrols either.

“Why are you telling me all of this?” You weren’t mad, the world outside of Jackson was scary and you’d gladly stay inside if it meant being safe.

“You deserved to know the truth, that Joel wasn’t picking fights when everything happened,” The two of you locked eyes for a brief moment, the sudden realization that she was just a kid hit you like a ton of bricks.

Abby couldn’t have been any older than twenty, which in your eyes made her a kid just like Ellie was. She was a scared kid that was trying to find her way in the world just like everyone else was. You couldn’t even imagine how old her friend was, probably barely even a teenager if his height was anything to go by.

“I’m not mad, was I upset finding out Joel had gotten hurt? Of course, but I know how dangerous this world can be, you don’t have to apologize,” It wasn’t even an apology that you needed to hear, Joel needed it more than anyone.

You weren’t going to do that to Abby though, not with Joel just being out of the hospital recently and back in the house. There was no telling how he would react to being told that the person who’d stabbed him was living comfortably in Jackson as well. Things would be okay, after a conversation with your husband you’re sure.

“I just felt terrible, and then I ran into Ellie during their last supply run and I didn’t have the guts to say who I was,” Her hands were shaking now, a frown pulling down your face.

Before you could question yourself you pulled her into a tight hug, squeezing her shoulders to let her know that she was safe. If things were different you’d surely never forgive the teenager for harming him, but the world wasn’t normal anymore.

“You don’t have to apologize, just try and stay out of trouble from now on, okay?” You patted her back gently, releasing her from the hug as the two of you went your separate ways.

Things were slightly tense between you and Ellie once you got back inside, she was curious as to what Abby had to say and you weren’t comfortable spilling those details. After a few minutes of prodding she eventually gave up and continued eating the food she’d ordered. You would tell Joel eventually, when he wasn’t so tense and willing to risk his health because he was upset.

Everything would be just fine, you were sure of it, Joel would understand why you didn’t tell him and Ellie just wouldn’t need to know. This was the right thing to do.

“So how are you and Dina doing?” Maybe a topic change would do you guys some good.

“Really good, we’re gonna hang out later tonight unless you and Joel need us?” Ellie would drop everything if it meant getting back to a normalcy with Joel.

“No, I think we’re just going to relax on the couch and read tonight, not much he can do with his ribs still healing,” That was a partial lie, you would be reading while Joel napped on you.

It would be a peaceful night at least, nothing to do except read one of the new books Tommy had given you and make sure Joel took his medicine to make sure he didn’t fall again. That was nearly as scary as when he had arrived with an infected wound after three weeks. Joel would never admit that he had fallen though, his pride would take too much of a hit. The man was just too stubborn, though you found it endearing most of the time when he admitted his little faults. You never told anyone about the issues he had, whether it was his knee giving out or nearly burning dinner because he'd forgotten to turn off the stove.

"Are you sure this is going to be comfortable for you?" You didn't want to argue with him, but while you had plenty of pillows to lie on, Joel just had your body.

"Yes, now open the damn book and get to reading so I can take a nice nap," You rolled your eyes, opening the book up to page 1.

Joel smiled to himself, situating himself so that he was laying on top of you with his head against your chest. He was a typical man, and laying on his wife's chest was too comfortable for him to deny and say it wasn't. He was damn near positive Tommy did the same thing with his wife whenever he wanted somewhere comfy to rest his head.

The book was interesting enough, sucking you into the fictional world of knights and kings. The amount of bloodshed was downright shocking to you, it felt as if they were writing about your current world, and not one hundreds of years in the past. Joel had fallen asleep within a few minutes of you reading, lightly snoring as his arms wrapped around your waist. You propped the book up on his back, turning the pages with your fingers carefully.

You had started to run your fingers through his hair, smiling at how soft the strands were even after his latest hospital stay. Of course that got your mind wandering, who had ever gotten the chance to see Joel like this? Had he opened himself up to Tess like this? Or had he kept his heart closed off in fear he'd get hurt once again and be left in the dark? No, it was silly to think of something so miniscule, Joel had loved you and that was that. Just because he didn't tell you every single thing about his life didn't mean he didn't love you.

Shit, your mind was slowly spiraling with the negative thoughts and there was nothing you could do to stop them. It was better to let everything run its course instead of trying to fight it off and making it worse. Joel would be able to sense that you were upset when he woke up. Maybe you could bring up everything then, have an adult conversation and figure out all these emotions together. That wouldn't be such a bad idea, it was better than bottling it all up inside until you exploded on him.

That's it, you're going to wait until Joel wakes up and have an adult conversation about how you're currently feeling. That way you can both figure out the best course of action instead of acting like two idiots. Ellie had more adult conversations than you did, so clearly you could do whatever you set your mind to.

"Hmmph," Joel rubbed his face into your chest, tightening his arms for a brief moment before he relaxed once more.

You were afraid you'd woken him up during your internal monologue, but looking down there were no signs he was awake at all. The conversation could wait, for now you would enjoy this new book and the weight of your husband's body. Easy enough.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x wife!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller and ellie williams #joel miller au #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #joel miller comfort #the last of us #joel miller x you #joel miller father figure #joel miller masterlist #joel miller gifs #ellie williams #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfiction #abby and lev #abby anderson

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mdhwrites · 3 months

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You made a decent argument for why heroes not killing villains doesn't count as 'inaction,' but going back to that subject, would you agree that stories where heroes spare villains despite killing dozens of their faceless/nameless henchmen are total BS?

To give you a good example in a recent Star Wars game: the main character kills a fuckton of stormtroopers, but when he's got a high-ranking imperial in a chokehold, another character's like 'No! You'll lose yourself to the Dark Side if you take a life in cold blood!' So killing mooks is fine, but when the would-be victim has a face or a name, now taking a life is a serious matter? Fuck off.

Unintentionally implies life only has worth if said life is someone of high rank/power, and that their grunts are nothing but unimportant muscle despite being every bit as 'alive' as their boss is. Even if you disagree with Batman's no-kill rule, at least he's fucking consistent about it.

There's a VERY important part here that's easy to miss: Cold-blood. What does that mean?

Well, it's actually somewhat literal. You're not in a panic state. You do not have adrenaline pumping through your veins, this isn't life or death and you have no excuse for killing this person instead of obeying the law and bringing them in for a fair trial. When this is brought up, this is even usually true. All the guards are dead, no one is coming to save them and it's just the hero's own morals that decide whether justice, or vengeance, is performed.

But what about the guards? Why are their deaths not in cold blood? Bear with me for a second because I do promise this is complicated but we'll start with the simple reading: In law, there is a principal (that I hope I'm remembering right) called inherent risk. What this means is that when taking an action or accepting a job, you are liable for the basic risks that come with that action. You break into someone's house, it is an inherent risk of doing that that you'll take a bat to the face. If you shoot at someone as a soldier, there is an inherent risk that you will be shot back at and die. You have put someone in a situation where if you are not neutralized in someway, they are going to die and they are meeting you with equal force. You have made their blood run hot.

So... What about when a hero is at extreme fault for causing the situation in the first place? The bad faith argument here actually WILL say inaction is the best policy. That they made the choice to go into a place that would put their lives at risk like this, that would get them shot at, while in a calm, cold blooded state and so every death they cause is just as bad as the one they try to make important. As such, they should have either made a plan that would cause zero deaths or they shouldn't have done it at all. This is bad faith though because, well... What do you do about the bad guy then? Not even just from a narrative perspective but from a societal perspective. If you know there is evil being done, and you have tried the normal, non-violent options, or believe that those options will not work, what are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to sit on your hands or try to fix it? We would like to be able to do something about the pain and suffering being caused and so in stories, we empower our heroes to do the morally gray action of leaving the law behind and becoming vigilantes but we do make sure they're doing it in the right ways to avoid implying that "MURDER IS THE BEST!"

This is why most plans heroes make are essentially heists (barring video games but that conversation is essentially the core of why we have the term ludo-narrative dissonance.) So many stories have our heroes try to come up with a plan that involves as little harm as possible. If you have to deal with guards, KNOCK THEM OUT. If you have to worry about a whole room of enemies who could come get you? LOCK THEM IN. Etc. etc. The goal is to get in, get the job done, get out with as few casualties as possible. Due to what is exciting because it's fun to see the plan go wrong, we will often get fighting but at that point, the adrenaline is on and these people aren't Batman. They don't have literally every tool humanly possible to non-lethally take someone out, they at best have one non-lethal option and a gun. Someone is probably just going to have to die and the heroes might even be sad about that fact later on.

HOWEVER

If the heroes DON'T try this, if their plan is literally "We're going through the front door, murdering EVERYONE we come across until we get to the top floor and then we'll talk about it," then there is no excuse. We are to what your complaint is but also... How many stories are actually like that? Again, besides video games where that is actually the literal structure of some of them. Most stories don't go this route though because A: it's boring and B: it's morally repugnant and indefensible.

The other closest genre that comes to this is commonly fantasy or really any media that is meant to be of a less civilized time, such as post apocalypse. "There's a bandit camp, these bandits are murdering people, please murder them." "The evil lord will never stop until he is killed so break into his castle, face his puzzles and then stab him in the face." However, in those media... The fucker doesn't live. There is reason because the moral axis has already been skewed by setting and the person in question has essentially made their entire existence a kill or be killed question. Hence the phrase "Live by the sword, die by the sword." If you exist mostly within violence, you are asking for violence to be enacted on you in turn. Even with this being said, most teen fantasy will actually use the fact that blades, magic and bows are actually a lot less deadly than guns and have our protagonists knock out, not murder, their opponents. This is how most Shounen get around this sort of issue because the body can take a LOOOOOT of punches before it will stop functioning entirely but much fewer punches before it will temporarily turn off. You know, when murder isn't the main modus operandi in those works.

There are a lot of justifications for why these works do what they do when they want to involve this trope but despite all of this, I won't argue that no works do it without the proper considerations. It's kind of too classic a trope for that. A lot of lazy or bad fiction will potentially include it without blinking, just like they might bring up "I don't kill" while very clearly having them take LOOOOTS of actions that would kill LOOOOOTS of people. And that is BS. See you next-

Addendum: I was wrapping this up in a different direction and remembered that the example you provided WAS a game. As such, I'm going to try and quickly, oh god, discuss ludo-narrative dissonance in this context and why it's one of those things that makes talking about video game stories a bitch and a half. Oh, and for those who do not know it: Ludo-narrative dissonance is when the actions you take as a player are not reflected by the story being told. When you can take a dozen bullets without a concern in gameplay but one shot to the head in a cutscene means your character is permanently dead, that is ludo-narrative dissonance as a quick and dirty example.

Violence as a mode of engagement is easy to implement. Heists are not. There's a reason why we get a lot more shooters than we do stealth games. However, this violence inherently demands targets to enact that violence upon and the easier, and to many more fun, the violence is, the more targets you need in order to keep the violence going. There's a reason why a good Western movie might have at most a handful of deaths while a good Western gang will have you murder the entire population of Texas. This was the EXACT problem that came up with Bioshock Infinite ran into with its utopia and that's part of why this term has become common in game criticism at this point.

Most games, as such, have to make a choice: Does your violence support the narrative or is it divorced from the narrative? The more you try and do both, the worse the dissonance will become. This is when a game tries to blame the player character for killing so many people when having given them no choice. It's false depth to make up for the fact that they didn't program death in.

In the game I believe you're talking about, I would err on the side that while this moment is dissonant, Cal isn't exactly given options to stealth past his enemies because it's a souls like. The game is mostly consistent in going "No, your rampage through the level is not meant to reflect on Cal as a person. Please, continue to force push Stormtroopers off of ledges because that's fun and it's what we programmed in."

However, much like the original blog's reason for existence, lots of people have been making lazy, bad faith 'hot takes' on games for this exact thing for a while now and if you hear that enough times, it will start sounding like a legitimate complaint. Which, technically it is because that dissonance is worse for your story but fixing it would also make it a worse game, and a worse story about someone who is just a murderous psychopath (Hatred is a bad, boring game for a reason), So... Yeah, I would rather that disconnect from gameplay and story if it means I can actually enjoy the game AND the story. I just have to be willing to meet the game on its terms for it.

Four paragraphs for ludo-narrative dissonance and engaging with the ask's example properly (at least if I got the game right)? Yeah, I'd call that short. See you next tale.

======+++++======

It's really funny to me that my original ending before I double checked the ask and pulled back on my final direction included in it discussing why my blogs tend to be so long... Before then the new ending being even longer. XD

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#writing analysis

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thealienfantasy · 6 months

Text

Alien Fantasy-File 4: Lost in the clouds.

1 Day since impact (8:00 P.M. Terran time):

The Azonians unfortunately got to my ship and we had to make an emergency exit. We were able to make it to the escape pods in time and i've crash landed on a foggy region. i think i must've landed on one of the mountains, cause all i see is sky and clouds for miles. I'm currently setting up camp in a nearby cavern. I've been traversing these mountains for a few hours now and i haven't seen any lifeforms during that time. I think i've found a safe spot for now.

2 Days since impact (1:00 P.M. Terran Time):

I'm still hiking down these mountains. I don't know if my eyes are playing tricks on me. but i see a lot of islands in the sky. are they floating? There's no way. They're pretty distant. I'm pretty sure those clouds are just obscuring the rocks that hold them up.

I've set up an S.O.S. signal and right now i'm just waiting for someone to come pick me up. Hopefully they can still see through all these clouds.

3:00 A.M. Terran Time

I think i saw a something falling from the planet's atmosphere. must've been a ship. Looks like the fight against the Azonians is still going. i couldn't keep up with the ship. It disappeared into the clouds as quickly as it came. I would tail it, but i'm still trapped on this mountain and unfortunately, i see nothing below me. No paths, no water, No anything. just clouds.

Speaking off water. The supply i salvaged from the pod is starting to run low. i have to be a lot more sparing. hopefully i can find a source soon...

3 Days since impact (9:00 A.M. Terran Time):

I've been continuing my hike down this mountain. I'm not someone who suffers from altitude sickness, but man. I'd be lying if i didn't say i get anxious every time a look down and see nothing but clouds. Some of the paths i've been taking have been pretty narrow. One miss step means game over. that is if there's ground below these clouds. It'd be a whole other matter if these clouds were just a bottomless pit.

The good news is, the risk of crossing these paths was worth it. I seem to have come across some kind of garden. But i'm not seeing anything here.

There's also some weird looking fruit hanging from the trees. I'm getting a little hungry and i have to be even more conservative with my food supply. Surely they won't notice if i take one.

9:20 A.M. Terran time

I heard something coming from behind the bushes. upon inspection, i found a weird looking ring laying on the floor. It kinda looked like a Halo of sorts.

Wait...did i die and go to heaven?

Nah..no fucking way!

Things started getting weird when the ring began glowing. a sparkle emanated from it and it created a line. like the sparkles were some kind of thread connected to the ring. I followed it and i came across this small creature. It seemed to have a set of 4 wings. But no talons. It's face looked weird too. at least i think that's it's face. There's an eye at the center looking straight at me. it's kinda creeping me out honestly.

The thread of sparkles seemed to be connected to this creature. Did the ring belong to it? I gently laid the ring next to the creature and one of the wings snatched it. The creature looked at me with it's sole eyes and began squirming. it was then that i noticed some weird green appendage sticking out from it's body. Some green liquid seemed to be pouring out of it.

Was it blood? God forbid if it's something else.

Still, the creature seemed in pain. At least that what i gathered from the way it struggled to move. I'll check by med-kit and see if there's anything i can do to help it.

4 Days since impact (9:00 A.M. Terran Time):

The creature is currently resting in my sleeping bag. I was able to bandage it's appendage. right now i'm just walking around the garden trying to figure out what my next move is.

I can still see explosions going off in the sky. I think the fight is still going. I can't really make out what kind of ship's are up there. Still no sign of anyone who owns this garden. I'm not really sure how much more fruit i could realistically take without the owner thinking they were robbed.

Hopefully i won't be around for when they find out.

The fruit has the same texture and crunch as an apple, but it looks like it was made out of iron and it's shaped so... weird.

Oh. looks like the creature is starting to wake up.

I pulled a pocket knife from by bag and used it to cut the fruit. I don't know if the creature is capable of eating this, but i don't really have anything else to feed it. It seems to like it though. It jolted awake and flapped towards me upon seeing the piece.

What's weird is. i don't see any orifices on it's body. Maybe underneath it's feathers? i don't know. but hey, it seems to have eaten it. I give it another piece and it happily took it once more.

I ran my hand through it's feathers. they feel pretty soft. It made a weird noise when i did it though. I quickly retracted my hand, but to my surprise it began flapping it's wings and hovering towards my hands.

I guess it didn't mind me petting it? i ran my hand through its feathers once more and it made that weird noise again. but it's not really moving as if trying to break free. so i guess it doesn't mind.

Another thing i've noticed. The ring i found yesterday is now attached to that weird green appendage of its. (Tail maybe? i still can't tell.) I guess it must've been some kind of accessory to it.

Is it a wild animal? or is it an intelligent life form? my mind is leaning more towards wild animal. but i gotta remember i crash landed on a whole other planet here.

7 Days since impact (2:00 P.M. Terran Time):

I'm still at the garden. Still no sign of the owner. I've been debating the past few days on whether or not that thing might be the owner.

For starters. Every time i wake up. i would have at least 3 of those weird fruit in front of my face. Considering the trees look more empty. yeah, it's definitely getting them from there.

For another, it's still here with me. it definitely could've left by now. but it's still here. Maybe it's just keeping me company. But between that and the fact and it doesn't seem to have any issue taking the fruits from the tree....

On another note. I still keep seeing explosions in the sky. Just yesterday i saw few more ships falling from the sky. Those are definitely Azonian ships. But they keep disappearing into the clouds.

i wonder. IS there anything below these clouds?

9 Days since impact (5:00 A.M. Terran Time):

I heard a loud crashing noise just now. I think a ship might've crash landed here in the garden. I took one look at the creature before i decided to head out. Hopefully it won't mind if i leave for a bit.

5:03 A.M. Terran time

CRAP! Azonian ships! And there's at least 5 of them. I'm on my own here. I have a rifle, but it's back at the tent. I think one of them spotted me right as i was escaping. There's no way i can take them on right now.

At this moment i'm scrambling to pick up all the necessary things. i had to stop the creature from flying out of the tent.

We quickly snuck out and we successfully by passed most of the Azonians. I decided to avoid killing them for now. The garden doesn't really have any reliable hiding spots and the sound of the shots will draw attention for sure. We have to continue our escape.

But then it hit me..

I'm stuck on a floating island.

How am i supposed to get off?

I can hear the Azonians chanting and marching closer. I guess i better brace myself.

At least that's what was going through my mind at first. To my surprise, The creature clung onto my back. i could feel SOMETHING gripping me. No different from a bird grabbing you with it's talons. But the creature has no visible talons. so what gives?

I didn't really have time to wonder. Because to my shock, the creature effortlessly lifted me off the ground (Equipment and everything!) and we began flying away. I made the mistake of looking down at the bottomless pit full of clouds and had to tear my eyes away from it. What my eyes instead landed on where the Azonians watching us fly away. One of them tried to take a shot at us, but thankfully the creature was able to maneuver us out of the way.

10 Days since impact (1:00 A.M. Terran Time):

We landed on a nearby island. I thanked the creature for saving me by hugging it and caressing it. Hopefully it understood the gesture. i took this opportunity to check if it had talons but. nope, nothing. i don't feel anything.

I decided to ignore it for now. Looking at this creature just raises far more questions than it answers.

Right now we're in what looks like a shrine of sorts. I see a lot of flowing water here. I filled a bottle and looked back at the creature. it doesn't seem to mind. I reached in my back and took out a tablet. Right as i was about to put it in the bottle, the creature flapped it's wings and knocked it out of my hands. it then proceeded to jump up and down. It flew up and pushed my arm towards my face. almost as if it was urging me to drink it as is.

...I don't know how safe that is. It has a weird color.

But the creature seems to be urging me.

Hopefully i won't regret this.

11 Days since impact (2:00 P.M. Terran Time):

Right now, I'm sitting in the middle of the shrine contemplating where i should hide. I woke up today and the creature was nowhere to be found. i tried looking all over, but i couldn't find it.

I only got more concerned when i saw a few Azonians patrolling the shrine. I have my rifle with me and this shrine overs much more coverage than the garden did. I hid on top of one of the pillars and waited.

One of the Azonian foot-soldiers entered the shrine, looking around. i know it's me they wanted. Taking a deep breath, i took aim and fired at it's head. It went down in a second. Another entered and i quickly took my shot too. Once i was sure no others were coming, i made my way down the shrine.

I saw some smoke coming from further up ahead. must've been where their ship crash landed. i made my way over there and sure enough, i saw their ship. They had a cage in the middle where they were keeping the creature trapped.

I stayed hidden. Reloading my weapon. Right as they seemed to be getting ready to board the cage onto their ship, I pulled the trigger on what seemed to be the leader. (He was the only one with a different accessory.)

I was able to get in a few good shots on the others, but a the rest seemed to quickly scatter. I took this opportunity to fire at the lock of the cage, allowing the creature to break free. I quickly retreated back to the center of the shrine before the other Azonians could spot me. I looked around to see if the creature had followed me when i felt something land on my head. I opened my arms and the creature landed in them, eyeing me.

It then flew onto my back and once more began flying us away to another place.

12 Days since impact (1:00 P.M. Terran Time):

We made it to another island. this one seemed to have more trees than the others, an easy place to take cover and lay low for a while. A good thing too, cause the creature looked so exhausted. It had a few scratches and looked more disheveled. i'm sure the capture had something to do with that.

I once more tended it's wounds using my medkit and then we took a moment to rest. there was more of that fruit here in the trees. but this time we seemed to be in the wild. surely nobody will have any complaints about us taking those right?

The creature made a noise again. I looked at it and it landed in my hand before flying and landing in front of me. It put something in my hand. A ring?

It looked just like the one it had on it's tail. i looked at it and then back at the creature. it then began brushing up against my leg. i smiled and ran my hands through it again. It's been a bit hectic. but at least i have company.

13 Days since impact (6:00 A.M. Terran Time):

I woke up today and my heard nearly stopped once more. the creature was gone. again.

Just like last time, i began looking around. my rifle clutched in my hand. i ran for minutes and minutes. but i didn't see any sign of the creature.

*BUMP*

I bumped into someone. i quickly pointed my rifle at it.

"WOAH! EASY! EASY!"

Wait...It's speaking in...

Now that i'm taking a closer look.

Yes... that the Rescue Team's Uniform.

"Are you okay?" The team member asked. "Please,lower the weapon.

6:00 A.M. Terran time

Turns out they're here because of the S.O.S. signal. Happy to see rescue came at least. I guess the Azonians DID slow them down a bit.

Right now we were getting ready to return home. As we were boarding the ship and preparing things for lift off, i looked around. Still no sign of the creature. Am i really about to leave it without saying goodbye?

I took a look at the ring it game me. It seemed to be glowing. I don't really know if it's because of the sun or if it's supposed to do that....

The team shouted at me to come aboard. i took one last look. Maybe it returned to it's garden...

..Oh well.

I mean we've only been together for a few days...

6:10 A.M. Terran time

Everything is going haywire right now. Looks like the Azonian ships spotted us and the rescue team is currently engaged in combat. Right now were just being evasive and dodging. It's working well right now, but for how long?

What's strange is, the ring i got seems to be glowing much brighter now. And a trail has appeared. just like the first time i found that other ring. I didn't have time to ponder what was going on, as i heard several explosions go off outside the ship. i peeked out of the window and watched as several Azonian ships went down. The rescue team pulled up the monitor to see where the blasts came from. They saw something in the clouds. it was obstructed by the clouds, and as such, the only thing visible was it's silhouette. It was roughly the same size as our ship, but it had several giant wings. surrounded by what seemed to be a bunch of winged soldiers.

The trail of the ring was pointed towards them. Could it be?

I once again didn't get to dwell on it. The rescue team's ship kicked into overdrive and exited the planet's atmosphere before the Azonians had a chance to recover. Soon enough, the cloudy planet was nothing but a distant ball in the reaches of space. More questions began to creep up as i looked at the ring. the trail slowly faded away, but it was still glowing.

Just what the hell was up with that planet and it's creatures?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days had passed and an alien had landed in the garden. they looked more. humanoid. it's wings were much bigger. the green appendage was much larger and had spikes coming out of it. It's face seemed to be completely obscured by feathers, but there was a noticeable eye poking through them. The creature munched on the gardens fruit as it slowly hovered around the garden itself.

It then closed it's wings and focused. it's body slowly glowing and it's surrounding slowly morphing. Soon the alien was in a different location. it seemed to be the inside of a house. one completely unfamiliar to them.

It looked around and it's eyes landed on the person it was seeking. An indescribable feeling went through the alien's mind as it saw that they were wearing the ring they gave them. The alien extended it's wings, trying to reach out to them.

"H-Huh?!" The one holding the rifle turned around. feeling someone touching them. It them looked around in confusion. nobody was there.

"God, i've only been trapped there for what. 11 days? i shouldn't be feeling this paranoid." the one holding the weapon said. it them cocked the weapon before heading out. The alien felt themselves being pulled alongside the one holding their present. A satisfied noise seemed to escape the alien as it's surroundings slowly began to morph back into the garden it knew as it's home.

The alien looked at it's bandaged wing. and then at the sky. the alien didn't know if they would ever see each other in person again. But as long as that person had that ring, they would always have a way to watch over them.

#humans are space fae #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #aliens #science #fantasy #The Alien Fantasy

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philsmeatylegss · 5 months

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“No you just don’t get it, I just eat so much and I cant can weight. You’re so lucky, you have the chance to get boobs, people call me a skeleton. What? You’re trying to be skinny?!?! I could never. It’s so hard. I mean, you can gain and lose weight whenever you want. I just eat and eat and eat and nothing! Haha. No yeah, I just don’t get why people starve themselves to look like this I’m just sooooo miserable.”

I hate you I hate you and your skinny fucking face so fucking much I haven’t had a summer I was excited for since the seventh fucking grade because all I can think of in spring is how much fucking weight I have to lose and how fucking fat and disgusting I will look no matter what and how I can give a good guess as to the calories of everything since I was a fucking child and I can’t fucking eat and I just want to rip the fucking skin off my fucking body and I just hate my thighs so much I hate them so much I hate myself so fucking much and it never matters how much I weigh it doesn’t matter how small I am right now because I will always think I’m bigger and I can always get smaller and I just spend my spare time digging into my thighs with my fingers wishing I could physically rip it out because of how disgusting I find myself and I would give every single good aspect about myself every single good thing about me for the only trade of being skinny no matter what. I would give everything my interests my intellect my skills my personality to be able to eat and always be skinny. But yeah haha I’m sorry someone told you to eat a fucking hamburger. My friend when I was 14 jokingly once said that she could never see me with chicken legs. I turn 21 in a month and I haven’t gone one week without thinking about it. I have no clue truly what I look like. I currently look in the mirror and have no concept of what there is. I rather stay in the cycle of suffering than just risk losing weight. That’s how fucking insane I am. I want so bad to wear what I want but I can’t cause my brain doesn’t fucking shut up and I truly hate every piece of myself to the core. I cannot view a future where I will ever be at peace with my legs: I want to skin all my fat off with a fucking cheese grater. The pain of skinning my fat would be less than looking at myself with shorts on. The only sh thoughts I have are wanting to saw off my fat. I’m so sick of this fucking body and I can’t see a future where I find peace with how fat I see my thighs are unless I do something drastic. I’m doing my best to not eat for days and have one binge day while I’m finishing finals. I have no clue what 8 look like. I have no concept of my own reflection. I find myself revolting. I would give anything just for my thighs to look skinny in my eyes

#lol sorry quirky quick rant #rae’s rambles #tw eating issues #tw eating disorder #tw gore

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er4mnesiia · 2 years

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[“ in loving memory of our previously shared events, yours truly ,”]

𝇅𝅭𝆬 𝃴̹ ܀࡛ ‧͙ 𝐀𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨, 𝐗𝐢𝐚𝐨, 𝐊𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚, 𝐓𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢, x gn!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (separated)

synopsis : when you accidentally stumble upon an emotion and thought educing memorabilia left behind by your lover, who is now lost to time, you begin to reflect back on past events either heartbreaking or joyous.

cw : angst. characters may be somewhat ooc in their behavior/thinking. others are soft angst, while others are somewhat hard angst (apologies for the noticeably contrasting themes between them). mentions of blood, gore, and of course death. (if you aren't one for gore, i would suggest reading Kazuha's only; the others include macabre scenarios.) not proofread - expect some grammatical errors.

⊹ ⋆ ۪. :¨·.·¨: 𖥔 ˑ ִ ֗ ⊹ ⋆ ۪. :¨·.·¨: 𖥔 ˑ ִ ֗

✩ [ALBEDO] memorabilia : art unbalancing the decomposing and adoring moments.

you were to forever shake. forever to mourn. forever to be dissatisfied with the sorrow that he had bought about to you. fate lied within his hands the moment he began to rip apart the land of Mondstadt to mere pieces with a mad man's misconception that nothing was forevermore. perhaps, if Albedo had been more thoughtful, he would've known that you'd live on with perpetual woe without him. you'd be left with the remains of what you felt when you saw pillars crash to the ground, families and citizens run as they scream and shout in horror, and buildings fall into unforeseen years of dilapidation. sorrow, angst, and grief would be those said feelings contained within you long since that moment of dejection. Albedo appalled everyone of Teyvat when news of the disaster that the great penultimate alchemist caused disseminated across regions. but, while he was greatly feared beyond what anyone who truly knew him could have previously imagined, you couldn't help but cry of want for him. whenever you welcomed the brief scent of past peace and indescribable love that lied upon his last artwork before his death, you'd be forever haunted by the apparition of your now deceased love who could've lived a long life full of joy and simple pleasures.

✩ [XIAO] memorabilia : a yaksha's mask - preserved for 2000+ years of immortal life and longevity.

the past is something that has always rather affected you. with the empty lacuna perforated inside you during the temporary moment of harsh pain the moribund green yaksha suffered, you had a premonition of what was to come within the next few minutes. the only thing you were able to do was take off his rusted mask and give him a breath of air. admittedly, it wasn't so pleasing considering Xiao could smell the rot of dead bodies, but it was the best you could do. that moment was freeing for neither of you - you both knew of the loss you would face. you'd be on your knees in a minute, quivering as you clasp his lifeless body. meanwhile, your lower form would be paraplegic consequential to the overwhelming emotion erupted at the sight of him; rendering you with an inability to walk away and forcing you to stay by your unbearable lover's side. he was torn to have let you go in such a state like this. most of his worrying was reflected towards you. but atlas, there was no reversing history; once gone, always gone. you were sure to live on with that same unfilled gap pierced within your soul, for a multitude of reasons, but with the years old mask Xiao wore with a sense of responsibility and duty in your hands, you remembered how even someone so apparently hurt could spare some light.

✩ [KAZUHA] memorabilia : a leaf instrument, played once, twice, and thrice, to commemorate each second with a tune forbade to be forgotten.

upon seeing your lover's favorite instrument, you let out an audibly hitched breath, and with lithe but quick fingers, you picked up the green leaf. for a moment, you could have sworn you heard Kazuha's sonorous voice, before it echoed through the leaf and filled your ears with a melodious, familiar tune. for a moment, you could remember him holding your hand, the weight of it as light as a candle, as he whispered and passed on the truths of the wind to you. with a soft beat of the heart, you'd fall within, and your heart would deflagrate as you kept your eyes stead on the poet. thuds once would alarm you, but the loud noise your heart would erupt when you looked upon Kazuha's features would always do the opposite. it was sad, but you knew everything would have to come to an eventual stop, whether in your favor or not. putting the relish of your memories to an end, you tapped the leaf's petiole before trailing your finger up its base, its midrib, and finally to its green, pointed tip with the touch reminiscent of your lost love, and a feeling of tristesse now weighing with an unwelcoming, heavy pressure forever to be molded deep along the bridges of your soul.

✩ [TIGHNARI] memorabilia : an atrophied flower, withered due to reduced care and neglect.

a red flower sat on Tighnari's desk. it was running dry since your lover wasn't able to tend to it before his death. the botanist's death was caused by the injurious environment around him; he suffered from femoral arterial bleeding, and unfortunately, there was no alleviation to stop the plenteous flow and spurting of the red liquid- no matter how much you bloodied your hands in hope of his survival. you always warned Tighnari of the perils encompassing the area, but he pushed your warnings aside and continued to dig his own grave for the sake of botany. what happened to the cautious and caring man you once knew? due to his not-so-prudent actions, he had to face the end of his time earlier than the regular being's anticipated time of closing. but even as tears began to fall, sparing vigor and moisture to the flower, you knew nothing could bring the withered anew and afresh. the flower was lost to time, too. yeah, curse the chimes of the clock for its victims. now, with the remnants of your lover's blood painted on the tips of your fingers, you'd carefully rip the red crisp petals off the sorrowful flower one by one.

#genshin impact x gn reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #albedo x gender neutral reader #xiao x gender neutral reader #kazuha x gender neutral reader #tighnari x gender neutral reader #genshin angst #genshin impact x reader #albedo x reader #xiao x gn reader #kazuha x gn reader #tighnari x reader

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redhatmeg · 1 year

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Back when the Thriller Bark Saga was in full swing in the anime, this scene in manga version started to pop up on the internet. This was also the moment when I decided to come back to One Piece, because I wanted to know its context.

And the scene when Zoro offers his head in Luffy's place just to spare him, saying that he may be worth less, but he's going to be the best swordsman in the world, and on Kuma's question: "Why would a man with such ambition sacrifice himself for someone else?", he gives the reply above... this was a scene that completely changed my view on Zoro. In this one small scene from an interesting character I wasn't particulary crazy about, he became a character that gained my utmost respect. I never saw him the same way ever since.

In my opinion this is the culmination of Zoro's relationship with Luffy. Remember - he joined his crew under condition that Luffy won't stand in a way of achieving Zoro's dream of becoming the best swordsman. And now, he is willing to sacrifice his own life for Luffy. He even says: "The way I see it, this is the only way to help the crew. How can I protect my ambition when I can't even protect my Captain! Luffy's the man who is gonna become the Pirate King!"

Zoro puts his nakama above his dream. He puts his crew, his captain and his captain's dream above becoming the best swordsman. Ever since Luffy first learned about it and said that he can't expect nothing less from future Pirate King's nakama than have such a lofty ambition, Zoro probably started to think that their dreams are intertwined, but here it's something's more than that. Zoro isn't a lone bounty hunter anymore: he has friends and a man he's willing to follow to the Grand Line and beyond; and as a honorable man with principles, he can't just abandon his nakama and especially his captain.

Luffy earned Zoro's respect long time ago. He earned respect of all of his crewmen by fighting for them relentlessly. Right now Luffy is vulnerable - he's wounded, exhausted and unconscious. He can't defend himself. So this is the moment when someone else needs to defend him; someone who will put his life on the line for him the same way Luffy did countless times.

And Zoro is that someone.

But then something strange happens - Sanji shows up and offers his life instead. Now, all throughout the series Sanji and Zoro didn't get along, in fact they were often fighting with each other over petty things. However, now Sanji says: "What'll happen if you die? What about your ambition, idiot?" Of course, he wants to save Luffy, but he also puts Zoro's life over his own ambition - finding All-Blue. He prepares himself for death, asking Zoro to say goodbye from him to everyone and tell them to look for the new cook.

(Probably we are to assume that if other Straw Hats were conscious, they would do the same for Luffy and each other.)

However, just like Sanji was ready to die for Zoro, Zoro is ready to die for Sanji and he knocks the cook out. He throws away his katanas and stares Kuma in the eyes. And this is when the Shichibukai decided to change the sentence: instead of killing Zoro, he makes him "experience hell itself". He uses his Devil Fruit ability to extract pain and fatigue from Luffy's lifeless body and put it inside Zoro.

"If you really intend to take his place, then you must literally share his suffering."

With Zoro's own state, this means he probably not survive this. Even tiny bit of the extract makes the swordsman experience millions of little hits that cause him to colapse. But Zoro made his mind: he only asks to do it in a different place. And so, near the forest, Zoro enters Kuma's extract.

I don't know if Luffy later learns about Zoro's sacrifice, but - as of the moment in the manga when I've stopped reading (Ace's execution) - he still is unaware of it. And probably his first mate would prefer it like that.

#meg rewatches one piece #one piece #bartholomew kuma #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji #monkey d. luffy

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lake-archive · 10 months

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Track 4

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic

Series: Rat Infestation

Characters: Eli (by @watersofcamelot)

AO3 Link

Track 3 - Track List - Track 5

If there is one thing Eli hated the most outside of hypocrites who were a walking contradiction on their own it was those types of people who were just annoying. Lie to him all you want, break his bones or even kill a man. He could literally care less, as long as there was some consistency to it and you are not the literal opposite of your morals – Say one thing, do the other.

The other thing was the second worst however, the other one he hated a good bunch: Annoying brats. Those jerks who make the people suffer or are just a pain in the ass for the heck of it. The key difference is that they had to actively harm others. And this was one of those cases. The fuck does this shithead think he is!? Just walking in here and unleashing his lab rats onto this soup kitchen? Fucking bastard, does he think messing with people’s only option to survive is a fucking joke!? Some people cannot afford it but no, filth like that thought this was a fun way to pass time. Rot in hell, it was honestly pissing him off. He should be fine though, as long as the two other guys kept watch when it came to the rats. As long as they stay inside they will be dealt with in no time as well. Eli was enough to teach that shitter a lesson, he was sure of it!

He only stepped closer and closer, no regard whatsoever, only set on one thing and one alone… Thus the chuckling became louder and louder in his ears, echoing at a certain point. It became more and more unbearable, that literal bitch… And yet he did not interrupt until being close enough and seeing somewhat of a silhouette.

A young figure, a guy perhaps, covering his eyes with his messy, stinky hair. The clothes looked equally rotten, so many holes in them, it all may as well be at the literal brink of breaking. And his smell would make anyone faint and usually Eli might… But he was so pissed that he couldn’t get his nose to smell it. This was nothing at this rate, literally nothing. Absolutely nothing. He will worry about this later in fact.

“Oi, Punk! The hell is this!?”

The kid got startled, jumping for a moment before seeing the tall male approaching him, shivering right on the spot. “Eh!? Ah– That–”

“Nevermind, I can see the shit you’re doing. You really think this shit’s funny!?” He didn’t want to hear the answer if he was completely honest. He just wanted to show this fucker a lesson. Fuck with the soup kitchen and its ingredients, fuck with him. That was the only law here, something everyone might be aware of. Or so he thought. But this one… He will learn it right now.

The guy was still stuttering all over the place yet the answer was obvious.

“At least man up and admit the shit you’ve caused!”

“I… Just… Yeah but—”

“All I needed to hear.” A quick spit on the ground. Eli ignored any other reasoning. No mercy for brats like these and he was going to show it. Attack someone who is defenseless? This shithead thought this was funny! Well, mess with his home and the people who actually rely on this stuff to get by and you’re worthy of a beating. Punks deserve to be taught a lesson. Besides, he was not someone to abide by the laws if they were stupid. The big woman was not here anyway to observe this and he had doubts that Rio and Dice would tell on him… So no one will know. Teach them the hard way, beat some sense into them. And that is why he put out his own microphone, wanting to spare his fists touching that filth.

“Ugh, I think I’m getting sick. From what sewer did you come from!?

Brat, Punk, Ass

Acts like shit, smells like shit

If ya think you’re gonna get away, think again!

Mess with the food, mess with me!

Mess with the kitchen, mess with me!

Mess with the people, mess with me!

Take a bath first before returning!

Preferably in a clean hot spring!

No, just shitting, access denied!

Go back in the dirt where you came from!

Burn your ass!

You ain’t welcome here!

You make me sick!

You make me shudder!

You make me puke!

Leave or it might get worse!

My favorite color? Red.

Really itching to see it now not gonna lie

Wanna help me with that?

Then just play the punching bag!

I promise only your nose will break!

Ah wait no– Just kidding

You little shit!

Get lost!”

The ground was shaking and so were the walls, it was all too audible. The rapping may as well have been the equivalent of screaming. And yet, it was not in Eli’s nature to care, not really at least. All he saw while shouting from the literal top of his lungs were the several shots aimed at the guy, one shot after the other being fired, almost blocking the noise coming from his own mouth, but just almost. Regardless, several shots were fired, right into his chest before the stinky pile of shit fell onto the ground unconscious. Oh how sad these were not actual shots fired by an actual gun, he wouldn’t have minded that. Not for some idiot like this. Whatever his reason to potentially cause a literal infection, this was no game.

Mess with another’s life and you are at risk losing yours at any given point and you might end up bleeding to death before you know it. It is a dangerous game… He knows from experience.

“Be lucky I didn’t use my fist punk. ‘cuz I think you deserved it. Tch…”

Even if it was not justified in the end, it felt right at this very moment. Then again… Who cares? As long as the problem is solved now.

Track 3 - Track List - Track 5

#Nimue's Lake #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypnosis mic oc #hypmic oc

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makima-s-most-smile · 1 year

Text

A hint of resurrection

In which hope dies as it always does

God, do you resent me?

Wolfwood doesn’t know why he does it. Repressing the need to cough out the liquid filling his lungs only causes discomfort and Vash is hearing it anyway. No way that bastard is not listening intently to every sound that comes from Wolfwood. The way his breath gets shorter and shorter and the quiet gurgling sound that joins them. Despite Wolfwood’s stubbornness, the reflex wins periodically and it brings up mouthfuls of lymph, blood, loose cells and other stuff that the overdrive of his metabolism deposits in his lungs. His self control goes far, but drowning in his own fluids is something his body won’t allow to happen even as it is in the process of dying.

Have I angered you?

Vash bridges the line between being present and being frozen in shock. Even without looking at him, sitting on the edge of his seat, knees up, heels digging into the floor and toes stretched up in the air, desperately hugging himself for comfort, his anxiety fills the air. High strung with the desire and the need to help, to do something, anything, but struck with paralysing realisation of utter and true powerlessness. Vash knows. Wolfwood knows. It sits between them in the air with unspoken words and grief for something that will never happen, grief for a future that is too good for someone like Wolfwood, while being the least Vash deserves. No need to talk about it. The dice have fallen. Arguing over the roll won’t undo its reality. And above everything, Wolfwood has always been a true and absolute realist.

What else did you expect me to do?

Wolfwood has nothing else left to give. His hands are empty and his path ends here. If anything, he wants to die with the knowledge that he has tried to spare Vash pain. A last act of kindness, maybe his only true one. A thanks, for meeting him, travelling with him, for Vash’s presence in his last moments. Words aren’t enough. God, actions aren’t enough. And he can’t even act, though, and time is naught. At least… he can make it less painful. Vash deserves that much… and so much more. Above all, Nicholas D. Wolfwood wishes he could have been Vash’s friend. For a little bit longer.

Should I have ignored the responsibilities, no one else was willing to shoulder?

He does neither stop nor turn around to look if Vash follows him. Vash is there. Right behind him. Covering his back one last time. Wolfwood proceeds in his slow trek to find a good place to… to what? Sit down… Relax… At least squeeze out a bit of joy from his last moments… And then die… Perish… Croak like the joyless bastard he is…

Should I have watched them suffer like I did?

“Let me at least try…,” Wolfwood hears Vash from behind. Wolfwood snaps around, angry words about futility and finality already forming behind his snarl. Instead he tips over as his world is plunged into sudden darkness by his sudden movement.

Should I have stayed my hands like the many Good men doing nothing?

Vash has caught him. Of course, he has. The sudden burst of anger has completely evaporated in his short spout of unconsciousness. This is not about Wolfwood. He shouldn’t make it about himself. No one cries for the devil, not even the devil himself. “It’s my fate, Vash,” he whispers. No space for bile or despair left, only desolate acceptance. It empties him, leaving only a shell, ticking off checkmarks on an invisible list, getting his things in order. A list whose only purpose is to diminish the pain his passing will cause. Wolfwood has never thought it would be that long nor that he will be unable to complete it. And that his inability to do so would cause him such suffering. “It always has been. From the day I was conceived, it was either shooting myself or ending up like this.” Wolfwood ignores how Vash’ lips quiver at the words. He can’t take it. Why does he make everything worse? “C’mon, needle noggin. Let’s not waste anymore time on this.” He laughs, it is too loud and too jovial and all he can give. Vash looks down and doesn’t move.

Why is it my sin to have acted?

Doesn’t Vash deserve the knowledge that he has done all he could? For his peace of mind? It’s useless, though, and Vash should save his energy for Knives. But that is the realist talking. By now, they have gotten to an understanding. Knives is the sword hanging over Vash’s life. It is admirable that Vash is able to find joy in everyone and everything around him. That’s why he is here, next to Wolfwood. Because instead of cutting the sword over his head… He chose Wolfwood’s side… So Wolfwood offers his hand to the other. Give and let give. “One try, one minute,” Wolfwood sets the rules. Give Vash his peace of mind at the minimum cost. It’s just rational. “Promise me not to use up… whatever… dunno… mumbo jumbo… yer life force or something. There’s something else you need to do and…” That’s all Wolfwood can give. It is not enough, never enough.

This doesn’t seem right.

Vash grabs his hands like it is a lifeline. A glimmer of hope in all this shitshow that is Nicholas D. Wolfwood’s life. That is something Vash has always excelled at, in finding hope when Nicholas has already given up like the coward he is. Maybe… just maybe… God, please… Maybe this time he is allowed hope? A bitter voice adds quietly, at least Wolfwood doesn’t have to live with the disappointment of the failure.

This doesn’t seem fair.

Vash holds Wolfwood’s hand in his own and presses it to his lips and then chest. He has closed his eyes. As his feathers sprout from his cheeks, his arms, his back. Vash presents himself in all his inhumanity. Maybe that is why Wolfwood has come to trust him. Through all of his masks, his constant escapism and his evasiveness about his person, Vash is honest about his core. The feathers wrap around their hands, his wrist, his arm, reaching for Wolfwood to take him into an embrace. They are cool to the touch, bendy and smooth, not like real feathers. Meaty, not ethereal. Something very real and physical. Wolfwood should be scared shitless. Meryl has been, Meryl has been so scared. And Wolfwood is just laying there, head resting on Vash’ lap and staring with indifferent reverie and distant curiosity. Maybe… in another time, they could have worked together… Wolfwood, Meryl, Milly and Vash… to explore Vash’ weirdness, to avoid Meryl fearing him, to avoid Vash being so isolated from everyone just for having this weird body, when the worst thing the doofus does is throw their money away on donuts, when instead they truly need a shower. But that’s another world and a world Wolfwood could never be part of. He can only sit here and watch and observe, the sole witness. Calling Vash an angel would be distasteful, but that’s the closest thing Wolfwood could compare him to right now. An angel praying to God to save this sinner's life.

Have mercy on this sinner.

Nothing happens. God stays silent as so often before, when Wolfwood has prayed and prayed to no avail. His prayers have stayed unanswered through pain, blood and despair. They stay unanswered now, too. Maybe the Divine wasn’t on the ships that left Earth. Maybe the Divine has turned their back on their creation as they saw how imperfect humanity was in spite of being made in their image. It’s useless, a waste of time and Wolfwood cannot help himself but feel disappointed, disillusioned and worse, pity for Vash. Vash, who is bearing scars too obscene in their creation to be comprehensible. Vash, who still opens his heart to the people around him. Vash, who has let even someone like Wolfwood in and in again. Vash, who is still hoping and caring. Vash, whose hope is about to break against reality. It shouldn’t be on him... There is only one devil willing to break Vash’s hope…

I beg of you, God.

Wolfwood’s tremors feel so much worse in Vash’s unmoving hands. He jerks himself free and gets rewarded with a coughing fit. There is a mercy in it. Occupied by the coughing, Wolfwood is unable to look Vash in the eyes as the hope dies between them. And Wolfwood will follow it too soon to be able to ruminate about it. At least Vash can say that he tried. Wolfwood can only pray that it gives Vash some peace of mind. He clasps Vash’s shoulder and gets up. He feels like he’s an old man, knees trembling and back hurting.

Please, just a little bit…

“Is this the way you want it? Are you sure…,” Vash starts, but Wolfwood interrupts him. “Yeah…” Wolfwood looks up at the sky. “It’s been a good run.” A lie. A truth. An empty phrase. That leaves no words. It feels suffocating. Maybe that’s why, at the end of his life, Wolfwood catches himself opening up. “And… I am grateful, ya know?.” Vash laughs awkwardly. Wolfwood cannot endure the vulnerability he freely offered just a moment ago. No sentimentality, no tears, nothing for Vash to latch on and hurt. “Psych! You’re the one who should be thanking me, Spikey!”

A little respite… after all of the sacrifice…

It stands in the middle of a ruined house. Nicholas has played hide and seek in there, always being the seeker, always the lookout and always the one who ends up finding even the most hidden, giggling ray of joy. It has been full of laughter and sometimes a scraped knee. One wall of it is left standing, the rest has been destroyed by Livio and Chapel’s onslaught. The couch has survived the destruction impeccably clean for the destruction in which middle it is sitting. Wolfwood cleans the cushions from some debris and sits down, slapping the place next to him. It’s a nice overlook from the couch. Endless stretches of sand meeting the everblue sky. There’s even clouds. They say there is water in them. Wolfwood never believed any of that shit.

Is that too much to ask for?

“Anyway… Come on…,” Wolfwood emphasises his words with a wave of the bottle of whiskey. “I haven’t had a drink with you in a while.” Not waiting for an answer, he uncorks the bottle with his teeth. It pops unceremoniously. Vash sits down next to him, holding one of the shot glasses. “There’s worse stuff to drink out there.” First Vash’, then his own, filled up to the rim, as a treat. Half of it spills over to the ground between when they clink the glasses together in a toast.

I’d just like to have a little bit more time… with him… with them…

The whiskey is warm. Its temperature brings out all of its worst traits. Alcoholic with not much nuance, bitterness that clings to the palate and a tang that scratches the throat on its way down. With Vash at his side, it could be the best he’s ever had. Both refill their glasses. Many words fill the air between them and none is spoken. They all boil down to a helpless despair. No comfort in the inevitable, when one has to leave while the other prevails. No solace when it is dependent on the other being present and staying present. The wish for more, more time, more words, more brawls, more laughs. The wish for a spoken intimacy that has been given nonverbally, back to back, clinking their glasses, bickering about things that have boiled down to be completely unimportant between them. Wolfwood choses silence instead of stirring emotions in Vash that the other then has to deal with alone. And Vash… most likely doing the same.

I’d like to get a few more laughs in…

“Smile, Spikey…,” a request, a plea, if not for now, then one for the future. Move on, find joy again. “It suits ya, when you do.” Wolfwood takes a sip from the godawful whiskey. “I guess… It was harsh of me to say all yer smiles are empty. Sorry.”

I’d like to drive around some more…

Vash’s face is a mask of pain, teeth clenched together by the dire need to stay present for Wolfwood and not give into the tears. Wolfwood would give his world to take that pain from Vash. “Wolfwood…,” the words come out in fragments. “Don’t say… stupid things.” So Wolfwood says nothing anymore. It is just the two of them, eyes to the wide, blue horizon in front of them.

I’d like to have just a little bit more time…

Their silence is interrupted by a scrap of paper fluttering in front of Wolfwood’s face. Then another and another one and suddenly there are many. Scribbles and ripped up drawings, wax crayons, coloured pencil, pens and coal give them colour. All handmade and unique, crafted with care by children’s hands. Wolfwood looks up to the airship. The air is filled with colour calling his name. It’s a simple message. They are safe. They know. His family is safe and welcomes him back. Why does it hurt, though? Why does his chest feel tight? Nicholas’ work is done. He can rest. He should feel relieved. Instead, Nicholas feels his eyes tear up and overflow. He has always known he would end like this. This is peaceful, really, he could not even imagine a more peaceful way to die. He should be thankful. Why is there still this burning desire in his chest? Why is this not enough? Why does he have to cry out loud for something he knows he'll never get?

God, I’d like the chance to live.

The blue sky and the never ending sand. Blue and gold. They flow together to join each other into a new and utter darkness. It takes his sight. The whiskey slips from Nicholas’ iron grip, suddenly infinitely heavy. It takes his touch. Something in the air, like electricity, a passing observation. It takes his attention. A loud impact, the bottle hitting the ground, and the church bell’s chime, eternally clear, but final. It takes his hearing.

Please… just…

Just for a little bit…

It takes his thought.

#trigun #trigun spoiler #it's the couch scene #beware #Revival-AU #It looks like I didn't use my AO3 account enough and I need to wait for a new invite #but I've written this so I will post it #yeehaw #now to move on to nai being a little bastard #my art

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zorkaya-moved · 1 year

Note

Dan Heng finally makes it back to the Express, physically alright, but mentally he's perhaps far from being okay. He was quick to give greetings towards the others, but gives pause when he locked eyes with Zarina. It all made sense now. The moment they met.. there was something about her that made him more hesitate. Wary. As if there were aspects about her that felt too familiar and dangerous for comfort. And now...

His gaze empties at the sight of her. He spares her no word, only turning to retreat back to the Archives and collect himself. He catches it, her motherly comfort has been unable to reach him, and all it does is pains his heart further. He would love nothing more than to sit beside her and be fueled by familiarity, but that seems difficult now. He shouldn't, he of all people shouldn't, but he sees a different face on her head.

@etherealguard

The return of the Luofu Xianzhou's legend seems to have shaken up the lives of too many people she has met. March's concerned about Dan Heng were echoing in the cart in addition to Trailablazer's hums and murmurs of admissions. Himeko said he'll be alright, but Sokolova noticed the tension in the woman's body as much as worry in Welt Yang's eyes. They are all concerned: Dan Heng is a part of Nameless, a part of this family. Zarina cannot call herself a part of this family, but she does wish to somehow... be similar to that for Dan Heng, but it seems that Elio's script continues to reign supreme and the connection she makes will strain, hurt by presence and she cannot control.

When Dan Heng looks at her, Sokolova sees it all on his face right then and there. The wall, the denial, the shock, the recognition of something in her he never recognized before. And it stings, it does sting and Zarina remembers how certain people looked at her, her own children from the orphanage upon learning of her nature. Another fate, another path, another similarity she cannot abandon. Somehow, Dan Heng's reaction causes her reached out hand to fall at her side, limp from being struck with such obvious rejection.

Silence hangs on the Astral Express when Dan Heng returns, or maybe it's just in Sokolova's head as she thinks to herself, ignoring all external noise. The legendary Sword Champion Jingliu... Yes, she's seen her, the striking similarity between them is too obvious through how they carry themselves to their abilities to their laid-back yet strained way of speaking. Does Dan Heng no longer see [her] but see [a ghost from the past]? How... saddening.

"M-Miss Zarina? Are you alright?" March asks, looking at the woman who seemingly got frozen to one space. Himeko's worried glance is now on her but Zarina waves it off right away, offering a subtle and soft smile.

"Don't worry, I'm alright. Dan Heng needs to rest, but make sure you visit him if he stays there for longer than a day. Assist him and let him know he's a part of this family, alright, March, Trailblazer?" The woman speaks calmly, but it's obvious she cares. It's not hard to be honest about genuine care. Despite saying what she does, she can see Welt's and Himeko's face in the corner of her eyes, but her attention is on the younger party members. Their determined nods and looks reassure her that Dan Heng won't be left alone. He's such a stubborn young man, after all. But... The empty look, that slightly widened gaze, that stop, that hesitation, that silence. All of stings but she won't show.

It's not the first time she faced rejection or has been seen as someone else. But it still hurts because it's Dan Heng, someone who she treats as her own son, it hurts. The silverette also knows that she cannot approach him, it'll hurt him more. This frigid touch, it always did. Is that how Kevin suffered, unable to be close to those he cared about so deeply?

#etherealguard #hi luna :)#❄ ― IN CHARACTER. ╱ you breathe by the sun，i breathe by the moon.

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vikings-til-valhalla · 8 months

Text

Sometimes I wonder if Odin has damned me, and if so, what over? What have I done that warrants this much suffering???

I lost my job officially yesterday. I'm $150 in the negatives right now, with no way to pull out until I get a new job, plus I have to go into the city in less than 2 weeks which will cost me $50 at least for the train ticket there and back ($32.50), and then parking for the time I'm in the city.

My mom is... not ok. Not only did she get the blood clots in her lungs last month, but she got one in her leg which took up the ENTIRE FUCKING LEG!!!! She can't walk right now, not very much, and only with a walker. Mesh was placed in her lungs to prevent any more clots from reaching them. She'll go into surgery to remove the clot in her leg someday in the next week to two weeks. Furthermore, she's on a constant heart monitor, and must also monitor a million other vitals on her own every day for the indefinite future.

Then tonight, she went back to the hospital for a fourth (fifth?) time. I'm losing track of how often she's in the hospital now. Chances are, she won't be working a job again. Ever. She'll be on permanent disability...

On top of everything, my sinusitis flared like hell a few days ago, causing the most excruciating pain I've ever known in my face through my teeth. Literally I've done MMA classes for an hour straight that were intensive workouts, with one fractured wrist and two sprained legs, which involved pushups, ropes, jumping jacks, punching bags, sparring, grappling, etc. I have chronic pain in my entire body 24/7 and have had it since 9 years old. All of those things combined, plus my surgeries I've had added in with the infections that followed? Nothing compared to this agony.

I've been shoving 1,600mg of ibuprofen down every day for 6 days, and finally saw an ENT today who gave me steroids, and no painkillers. Bruh, if I could survive the WORST CHRONIC PAIN EVER, and then THIS IS WORSE???? GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!

I've been waking up crying several times a day for almost a week because of the pain. Getting all 4 wisdom teeth out at once didn't even hurt this bad, and they were impacted and caused my face to swell for like a week straight. Now to add to it, my side and wrist are killing me like hell, and I just want to cry.

Odin, why? Why are you doing this to me?? I know you say to me I'm strong, but does someone have to suffer this much all at once for so long a time just to prove to you that he's worthy? Please, just spare me for once... I need it now more than ever...

#mun is a viking #im going to lay down again #i havent slept in almost 24 hours #but before that i slept for like 16 hours straight #ive been sleeping so much lately that i forget if its sunrise or sunset

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minseologs · 11 months

Text

if tenderness was measured by how much one was in pain

Minseo had learned at an early age that if she wanted something, she would have to earn it in ways that would please the other so much to the point that she would accept pain and suffering on her own. It applied in everything in her life, as if that was the only thing she had ever come to know. The root could be traced back as far as when she was born. Always off to the side, uncomfortable in the public’s eye when her family acts as though they didn’t spite her existence previously. It was always a surprise when others have come to realize that second child was there as a spare. Soft-spoken in a lot of ways, there wasn’t much to talk about her aside from her supposed kind nature on the surface.

It wasn’t new that she often rejected people’s help and only took the ones familiar to her. There was always an initial assumption of needing something from her due to the fact that whenever her own family displayed any sort of will to assist or give, it would usually mean they needed something else— anything. A reflective form of response. For many years, Minseo had thought being kind was like this. A mere transaction to get by, most often with financial depth. It made her happy, somehow. The mind set has trickled down to the point where she had already hurt people without knowledge. Her entire existence is to give and give, until there is nothing left.

“--Fucking hate it when I’m feeling this way.” Minseo’s voice cracks as a single tear rolls down her cheek, wiping it away as quickly as it came. The emotional toll of being captive in her own hospital room had caught up and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t affect her. “I don’t understand why I can’t be home. Won’t it be safer? Wenhan’s there to care for me— Xian's been watching me so he can vouch.”

“That’s the thing, Miss Choi.” Her legal advisor looks over reports of challenging authority, most of the trouble she’s put herself in had been akin to people watching her every move. “Your excuse for this behavior could be possible from the medication, but excessive force and — ‘attempt to asphyxiate’ a guard — is out of our league. This isn’t a place we can handle things easily. I’d have to bribe hush money and erase records of things here— do you know how difficult that was?”

She looks on, her recklessness has caused even more isolation. Minseo felt more like a prisoner of a place that shouldn’t have felt the way it did while everything around her continued.

“I have a feeling this is more than just what had happened—“ her advisor flips a page, to look on. “You’ve been too erratic lately. How can we know you won’t be the same in Seongbuk? On top of all of it, the trial is still finishing up. We can't do anything but hide you away from everyone.”

Minseo kept her lips shut, thinking about how things would’ve been better off if she just didn’t survive. She admits, the feeling of just being content was so distant.

“We’ll go ahead and arrange for you to meet some psychologists. Talking to someone aside from the two will help, I’m sure. You’re not a lost cause.” She watches as the woman packs her things and heads for the door. “Why don’t you talk to your other friends? Talk to staff and try not to kill them?”

“I’d be a nuisance…”

"Why?" A voice on the phone challenged the idea. "It can't be a private donation if you're giving in large amount. This is a private institution."

""You're my financial advisor, let's figure it out. There has to be a way..."

"Well, you can make a charity event. Pass it off as multiple donations."

"I don't want to bring anymore attention to myself, thank you." Minseo furrows at her reflection in the mirror of her room, watching the time with thought. "What if it's like a small gathering? passed off as charity, by me. No press, no attention. Just the department and a few friends or something. We always did that for the orphanage."

"It's different, Miss Choi. Even then, I'd have to ensure your name is not with in this." the man was distressed with the request. "How am I going to split a hundred million won in between the orphanages and then the hospital all of a sudden?"

"I was in my session today that I found out the hospital is cutting annual financial support for therapy considering they found other things to worry of... how sad is that?" she chimes over the phone, looking of her reports. She had another week to show them she can sustain survival on her own. She was eyeing one nurse that appeared easiest to be kind to. "I swear... it's like sometimes I was meant to know things at the right time."

"I'm sure they're doing their very best to get you out."

Minseo was simple in life, but gave more to people who could need it without being asked. She was a patron of many associations under her name, even more so than her family. But what was a charitable deed on the surface for the rest to see was her own selfish reason to fill a void in her. A reason to cope. The gratitude filled her with joy even if she wasn't recognized. Still, even in the end, she kept looking for kindness in the wrong places. Defining it with tainted feelings and devoid of its purpose.

"Yeah.. I've been told 'money buys happiness' right?"

#cms:story #so basically #she misses everyone lol #I was suppose to release this last month but whatever

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