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#sorry i Need to talk about this and it's specific to game design and writing so. here you go
northern-passage · 2 years
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cw: mention of suicide
not sure how many of you are into traditional horror games (or more specifically the indie horror game scene)
and while i don’t usually play these games myself i enjoy watching playthrus on youtube and one of the games that circulated pretty recently was MADiSON, as well as martha is dead, and less recently was the blair witch.
all 3 of these games have 2 things in common: they are “psychological horror” and they all have suicide endings.
i hated all of these games. i think if i had to choose, martha is dead is the one i hate the most. but i don’t want to talk about that specifically (we’d be here all day)
it’s very obvious that there’s a trend towards “psychological horror” or as they call it in film for some reason, “elevated horror” and i think it’s fair to say that that’s true for IF as well. i don’t think that’s a bad thing, i like psychological horror, i don’t really have a preference to be quite honest; what i dislike, though, is the demonization of mental illness.
it’s always been a problem in the horror genre, but now i think it’s shifted slightly in a less direct way. i started thinking about this because i was watching a review about the blair witch project game, and she opens up the video talking about the ending, as well as MADiSON’s.
she made some really interesting points that i think are worth repeating. i know up until recently i had a “sanity” mechanic in tnp - it served a purpose, and it still does, but it never really needed to be labelled that way.
the reviewer even makes a comment about how mental health has been reduced to a “bleak soft magic system” - a game mechanic, a setting for people to play around in, a setting where bad things can happen for no reason other than it’s dark and edgy and shocking.
her criticism essentially boiled down to: mental illness isn’t your playground to experiment in, to spitball ideas for your horror game, it isn’t a toy you can pick up and play with. it’s not a game mechanic, it’s something that real people live with every single day. and that really resonated with me and put into words what i couldn’t.
tnp revolves around the hunter and their mental health - it’s an important part of their character, and impacts the way they interact with their companions and the wider world of the game, as well as how they deal with the rot. and with it being fantasy, it definitely blurs the line - is it magic? is it their imagination? is it the rot/their illness? was the hunter the killer all along?
mental illness can be scary. but it’s also manageable. it is not Thee Horror at the end of this book. and i think that’s important to remember when writing some of these horror stories. what is the point of mentioning this here, in this specific story - is it just for shock? is it just to imply and emphasize some imagined horror about the mentally ill? is it just to slap “dark themes” in the description, to grab the attention of some edgy readers? or is it actually serving a purpose in the narrative, offering something of substance beyond “mental illness scary”? beyond “dark and edgy” just for the sake of it?
here is the original video. i haven’t finished it, but the opening 10 minutes is where she discusses the trend of “suicide endings.”
it definitely made me pause and think about how i’ve approached things in tnp, and definitely made me regret not changing the humanity mechanic sooner.
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Be still, my foolish heart.
Pairing/Au: Soft single dad!Joel Miller x Curvy f!reader, no outbreak
Words count: 8816 (I know, I’m sorry 💀)
Rating: +18, MDNI, NSFW
Summary: A meet cute at the clinic where you work leads to finding the best date you could ask for… our one and only Joel Miller.
Warnings: pov second person, no use of y/n, meet cute, a little bit of a slow burn, reader is curvy, has breasts and vagina and wears a dress, apart from that no other specific description is given, age gap (reader is 35, Joel is 46), Joel is a single dad and he is soft (what can I say, I’m a sucker for a soft Joel okay), reader doesn’t trust Joel immediately and she thinks he might be dangerous (he’s not, he’s cutest), Sarah is alive and well and she’s mentioned multiple times, mention of Tommy, Joel is a contractor, unprotected p in v (wrap it up IRL, folks!), pussy pronouns, mention of use of oral contraceptives (reader is on the pill), fingering (f receiving), oral (m and f receiving), dirty talks, elderly people being fragile and sick, slight mention of Joel’s prescriptions including antidepressant (game Joel took it so I put it in there), I know that prescribing medicine doesn't exactly work like that in America (not even in Italy for that matter) but allow me a poetic license (😂), reader has insecurities about her body, mention of bullying and previous toxic relationships that reader has been subjected to, internal reader’s voice inserts, pet names (pretty lady, good girl, honey, sunshine, baby, babe, angel), squirting (not specifically mentioned but still), Joel is feral and reader too.
I don't think I forgot anything but if I notice it I'll add it right away.
I made a mood board for the first time in my life, I know it's not great but I tried 💀 English is not my first language so please be gentle (I also have Covid at the moment… yeah, it’s 2024 and I caught it for the third time, lucky me), I hope there aren't too many mistakes, no beta so it's all my fault LOL, no proofreading. Title is an Hozier quote. Of course, because I love this man.
Oh sh*t, here’s what I was forgetting: the mirror scene is inspired by Polin (yep, it was a great scene ❤️) but I think I personalized and changed it enough to make it just Joel and reader's, at least I hope.
(Reader works in a clinic because I do this job so yes, she has this thing in common with me besides being curvy. Every time I write a curvy reader is so personal to me)
I might write something else about these two if you like, I really love this pairing and I hope I’m not the only one, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated! Thanks to anyone who will read this 💐
You are at your desk, absorbed in an email you are writing to a patient who is asking for prescriptions for medicines. The clinic is empty and quiet and this doesn’t happen often so you’re trying to keep up with emails and messages and phone calls that you have received in the last hour.
Suddenly the door opens and a man enters the clinic, at first you don't even look at him, you just say "Good morning" and continue typing.
He clears his throat and says “good morning” and stops in front of you, on the other side of the desk. He’s clearly waiting for you to shift your attention to him so you turn and look at him. For a moment you’re speechless. He’s a gorgeous man.
Tall and broad, dark hair slightly streaked with silver, strong aquiline nose, beard and mustache framing a pair of plump lips, perfectly designed jawline and neck.
Stunning.
You didn’t expect anyone like this ‘cause really, the doctor you work for has hundreds of elderly patients or families with children and you have never been interested in married men, you don’t even look at them but anyway, you never saw a single person that was attractive to you in this place before.
You smile politely as you ask “do you need anything?” and you want to sink into your seat because you don't even have makeup on and you're wearing the first things you found in the closet this morning. An old pair of jeans and a black top.
“Yes please, I need some prescriptions. I just changed doctor because my previous one is now retired. I always sent an email to his secretary but this is the first time I've asked for my prescriptions here so I thought I'd stop by in person especially since I was in the area. I’m working in the building next door”
Bingo.
That’s why you never saw him.
You quickly look at his hand on the desk for a ring and it’s not there.
His hands are gorgeous though, big strong working and experienced hands.
“Sure, can you tell me your name please?” you ask trying to keep your tone professional while being excited to know more about him.
“Joel Miller” he says and you find the way his tongue rolls up to pronounce the r at the end so delicious it’s almost embarrassing.
For a moment you're almost afraid he might hear your thoughts.
You turn back to the computer typing in his name and a moment later his medical records appear.
46 years old, born in late September, he lives in Austin. You look at his prescriptions and notice a reflux medication, another for high blood pressure, and an antidepressant.
Oh.
What happened to him?
“Well, Mister Miller, what do you need today?”
“You don’t have to call me Mister Miller, even if you’re younger than me I think?”
You look down in bewilderment, not expecting much familiarity from him since it’s the first time you’ve seen him but you answer anyway “Yes, actually. I’m 35”
“So you can call me Joel” he says with a smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth and hopeful eyes of someone who asks not to make him feel old.
“Of course I can” you hurry to answer “So… Joel, what do you need today?”
He gives you a grateful look and replies, “I don’t remember what it’s called but… my medicine for high blood pressure.”
“Oh yes, this one” you nod and proceed to prepare it, “just a moment, Mr Miller… uhm I meant Joel, I need to get the doctor to sign it,” you tell him as the printer gurgles, spitting out the prescription paper.
You stand up from your chair, feeling your legs a little unsteady, and once you’re in front of him his height impresses you even more. He’s imposing, you’re a curvy girl and yet you feel so tiny in front of him.
You notice that he looks you up and down and seems pleased, his eyes reflecting an approval that makes you very satisfied.
You move quickly to the doctor's office, enter apologizing and have him sign the prescription. When you leave you find him standing in front of your desk waiting, he looks at you again and you notice a certain sparkle in his eyes.
"Here you go" you say and hand him the prescription.
You feel his fingers lightly brush yours and a shiver of pleasure runs down your spine.
“Thank you,” he smiles at you, “you are very kind.”
“No problem, have a good day,” and you approach the desk to sit down again. You see him hesitate for a moment, as if he wanted to add something.
“Do you need anything else?” You ask curiously and a part of you really hopes that he will ask you for your phone number or if you want to go get a drink after work.
“Oh no, no thanks, see you next time”
His gaze drops to the floor as he says this, as if he's embarrassed, which you like because it feels like you're not the only one in the room who's been pleasantly shaken up by this encounter.
He puts his hand on the door handle and turns once more, smiling shyly.
You smile back feeling a sense of tenderness so premature that you wonder if you're losing your mind.
You go back to work but all you think about is him, you want to know more.
You enter his name again in the search bar and reopen his folder. Joel Miller. You wonder who he really is and what he does but apart from his pathologies and his date of birth you don't find much else about him. His address is there but you certainly won't use it for unorthodox purposes such as accidentally ending up in his neighborhood, you would pass for a stalker as well as a very unprofessional secretary.
Nothing stops you from noticing that he lives in a very quiet residential neighborhood though.
Will he be married? There are men who do not wear a wedding ring so it might not be safe to rely only on the fact of not having seen it.
You hesitate a bit before doing so because you already feel awkward enough for someone you've only seen once but in the end you type his address in the search bar to see if other people who live with him in the same house appear, usually families tend to have the same doctor for convenience.
You hold your breath as you stare at the white screen waiting and after a few seconds a result appears.
Sarah Miller.
“There I knew it, he’s married” you think, huffing and shrugging, but then you look better and realize that this Sarah is 14 years old. “So… he has a daughter”
No one else showed up in the results so you assume he is not married but he may have been and then got divorced. Unless his wife chose another doctor but that seems very strange to you.
You contemplate trying to Google his name but then decide it's best to wait until you get home, you can't use the work computer for personal stuff.
You sigh and go back to your work, completing your search just a second before the doctor comes out and asks you if you have any urgent messages.
Today everything is strangely quiet though, even if you wasted time looking for information on Joel you finish all the work, not without thinking about him at least once an hour. You feel silly, you shouldn’t have any kind of thought about someone you don’t know and with whom you have only exchanged a few words, the fact that he seemed interested and that he was about to ask something while he was about to leave could also be false projections that you have made in your head. And yet…once home, after taking a shower and putting on clean pajamas, you throw yourself on the sofa nibbling on a sandwich and open your laptop.
You open Google and type his name and the first result that comes up is “Miller - construction company”
It could be him, now that you think about it he mentioned he was working on the building next door which is in fact under construction.
You scroll down to the bottom of the page where the owners are listed and you see two names, Joel and Tommy Miller. You assume that Tommy is his brother. You go back to the Google page for a moment and check if there are any namesakes but no one else in the city has the same name. And just like that, you know what he does.
You don’t think you can do anything with this information, you live in a new apartment and everything is in perfect working order so you just have to wait. Before leaving he said “see you next time”, so now you find yourself wondering when the next time will be. Probably in a month, when he will need a new prescription.
Such a long time. But maybe this will help you, you tell yourself. It's just a passing thing, you tell yourself. You can't be so foolish as to project your fantasies onto him. You decide that this is okay, you'll just get over it.
_____________________
After a week you almost got Joel out of your mind. You worked quietly, met the usual old people who came to the clinic to be examined, no sign of him. You'd be lying if you didn't think about it anymore but you stopped yourself from doing something foolish like contacting him for a fake construction job to try to meet him.
You are preparing some prescriptions when the doctor comes out of the office and asks if you could please take some medicine to the home of a very elderly patient. It is something you usually do not do but the caregiver cannot leave her alone and her son is away for work all week so she had no choice but asking you to do that. It will take up extra time because you will have to go to the pharmacy and then to her house, the doctor offers to pay you overtime but you know the lady and say that it is not a problem, you can do it without compensation.
Of course you can do that for Rose.
When she was better and could move around quite independently you often talked when she came to the clinic, she immediately took a liking to you and treated you like a niece, she would bring you gifts, vegetables from her garden, other times sweets cooked by her.
She is a dear lady, you are happy to be able to do her a favor.
At 5:00 you leave the office and head to the pharmacy, pick up her prescriptions, and get back in the car to drive to her neighborhood.
Rose lives in a nice street with many rather large houses, well-kept gardens and white picket fences.
You knock on the door and Georgia, the caregiver hired by Rose's family to assist her, opens it.
You already know her, she has accompanied Rose to the clinic many times but lately her health has worsened a lot and she can no longer leave the house.
“Hi, Georgia! I I brought Rose’s medicines”
“Hey! How long has it been since we saw each other? Come in!” She says with a big smile.
Georgia is a very sweet person and a great professional, she has taken great care of Rose all these years. She is a qualified nurse and the granddaughter of a long time friend of Rose. Georgia had moved to Texas from Arkansas to attend college and since then she had always lived at her grandmother's house, who lived a few miles from Rose's house.
She took the job because she loved her and when her grandmother passed away Rose was very close to her.
Georgia offers you a coffee and some chocolate cookies she has prepared, which you gladly accept.
You chat a little while Rose is resting and then when it's time to wake her up to take her evening medicine you accompany Georgia to her room to say goodbye to Rose.
She is lying motionless in a bed, now forced to ask Georgia for help with everything, she is almost 85 years old now and you are so sorry to see her like this. Until a few years ago she was an energetic, witty woman, with lots of hobbies, she loved reading, gardening, cooking and going to the movies. Now she was a ghost of herself. And the worst thing was probably that her mind was still working, so she realized what was happening to her and this made her even sadder and more helpless. Her body did not respond, while her mind understood everything.
She recognizes you right away and greets you so sweetly with her now faint voice. It breaks your heart to see her like this.
She asks you for a hug and you put your arms around her little shoulders, holding her gently. She's always been good to you, she doesn't deserve this.
You leave the room, wiping away a tear, without letting Rose see you, and say goodbye to Georgia, promising to come back and visit them soon.
You stand in the driveway feeling helpless for a moment, you would like to do so much more. Some patients have become like an extended family to you, you have known them for years and seeing some of them fold in on themselves, increasingly frail and elderly is so bad.
You look up and see a black pickup truck driving down the road. There’s a man in it and he looks familiar. He pulls into the driveway two houses down and gets out. And oh, shit.
It’s Joel.
Joel Miller.
He lives in the same neighborhood as Rose and you didn’t even registered that in your mind before.
You don't know what to do, whether to get in the car and drive away pretending nothing happened or take the opportunity and go say hello to him.
It seems silly to say hello to someone you've only seen once, no matter how attractive they are. You walk to your car, rummaging through your bag for your keys.
You're about to curse because never once do you find something in your bag, it doesn't even matter what it is. Big bag? You find nothing. Small bag? You find nothing either.
Your eyes move for a moment to the asphalt and you see two boots approaching, you look up again and you see two legs wrapped in dark jeans streaked with paint and of course to those legs is attached the rest of Joel Miller's wonderful body.
Your eyes widen and you watch him stop in front of you, beautiful as a God. Even more beautiful than the first time you saw him.
“Hi! I saw you across the street and I was pretty sure it was you. I almost made a fool of myself, but hey, I was right!”
You lose your words, it's as if they've slipped out of your brain and melted at your feet.
At least you solved a dilemma, he greeted you first.
“Hi” you say shyly.
This doesn't make you any less nervous, you were trying to sneak out of this neighborhood unnoticed and you could say that he ruined everything and you don't know him well enough to know whether to be grateful or keep running away pretending to be very busy.
He has a daughter, a respectable job, a brother, lives in a nice neighborhood, and seems to lead a regular life. Is that enough to trust these days? Probably not.
This dude can be anyone, a serial killer, a criminal, a drug dealer, a thief, whatever.
How do you know he doesn't sleep with a gun on his nightstand or keep dead bodies in his basement?
Trust no one, is something you learned from a very early age and you always stood by it, safety first.
Have you been wanting to see him again for a whole week? Yes.
Did you just realize that you know nothing and that you might be risking something? This too.
“Can I ask why you’re here?” He asks, running his hand through his curls in a way that drives you instantly wild.
God, why is he so gorgeous, this doesn’t help at all.
You can always run to Rose and call the police if he suggests something strange and you’re in the middle of the street in broad daylight so you decide to take the risk and say the truth
“I came to deliver medicines to a lady who lives here” you reply, acting like he doesn’t have any kind of effect on you.
“Oh, so this is something you do? I didn’t know that”
“No, not regularly. I actually did it because it’s Rose, you know. She’s an adorable old lady”
He nods as if he knows exactly what you're talking about and actually says, "Sure, Rose. I know her. She used to babysit my daughter many years ago."
Okay, those are some great credentials. So maybe you can trust Joel Miller? Isn't he a lunatic homicidal? Maybe not.
Obviously you pretend you don’t know anything about Sarah and ask, “Oh really? You have a daughter?” raising your voice in surprise for a better result.
“Yeah I do. She's 14 years old and she's already giving me a hard time, she’s so smart and responsible that she’s basically parenting me” he shrugs while a little smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. You can see in his eyes how proud he is of her.
You giggle “well, she sounds so cool, I do love a tough girl.”
“Oh, she’s definitely your girl then”
You smile and think that after all, yes, Joel probably doesn't have any horrible skeletons in his closet.
And again he falls silent and looks uncertain and embarrassed, he lowers his eyes and then asks you, “You know, I’m going to be working in the building next to where you work for a little while longer, so I was wondering if you’d like to have a coffee with me sometime?”
It’s like every word is bouncing around in your head as you think about what to say. Would you like to get to know him better? The answer in the end is, “Yes, I would like to, thank you” you feel your face heat up as you say it.
Joel shifts his weight from one leg to the other as he looks at you, he seems nervous, excited but above all happy.
“I’m glad you accepted. So…what do you think about tomorrow?”
“Okay, I have lunch break from 12 to 2, is 1 okay for you?”
You see his face light up “sure that’s fine. See you tomorrow then”
For a moment he raises his arm as if he wants to come closer and touch you, but then he immediately lets it slide down his side.
Gentleman, you note in your head.
It is not yet the time for such confidence, but secretly you hope that it will come soon.
You say goodbye to him and get back in the car and you see him waving at you in the rearview mirror.
“God, Joel Miller, I already know you’re going to be a threat for me. In the best sense of the word.”
_________________________
In the weeks that follow, you and Joel share a lot of coffees. Every day he waits for you outside the clinic at 1:00 sharp, you go to the corner café and chat for an hour before returning to work. He tells you a lot of things about himself and his life which you adore listening about.
He also confides in you that he was in therapy and had to use antidepressants for a period of time, when Sarah's mother abandoned them. You completely understand.
And the more you talk to him the more you get convinced that he’s a great person, you don’t have any doubt about that.
He never fails to compliment you, on your clothes, on your hair, on your eyes, on your nail polish.
He laughingly admits that the compliment about the nail polish was Sarah’s suggestion. “Dad, she told me, girls like it when you notice details.”
You laugh out loud and nod. “She’s right. And you’re right, too, you have a very smart daughter.”
He shrugs “I know,” and then adds. “It’s been so long since I’ve dated anyone, I don’t even remember how to do it anymore.” You lean slightly across the table and whisper. “Well, I think you’re doing great.” And it’s true. You feel spoiled like a queen.
He gives you a mischievous smile “oh yeah?”
“Yes, definitely” And you want to kiss him right there, in that crowded café.
Yet a voice inside you still can’t understand how someone like him, who could have all the women he wants, is inviting you, a curvy girl.
You shouldn’t, but you still have those latent insecurities from when you were 15 and boys in your class made fun of you. Somewhere inside you there is still that fragile and wounded teenager who thinks it’s impossible that someone could truly love you. Or even just desire you.
And you hate it, because Joel has done nothing but show you how much he enjoys spending time with you. And his compliments have always sounded sincere, his eyes are, they send you a reassuring image, full of admiration. He seems truly interested in you.
You're still in this internal monologue where you curse yourself for being like this when he asks you, "Would you like to go out to dinner tonight?"
Oh. He did it. He took the next step.
With your heart pounding in your chest and your mouth unable to help but curl into a smile you answer “yes!” a little too loudly.
You put a hand over your mouth as he looks at you amused “well, I’m glad you’re so excited about the idea. Should I pick you up at 8?”
“Yes, that sounds perfect” you reply, quietly this time but with a little firecracker in your chest that keeps banging where your heart is.
You finish your coffee and go out and he asks for your address which he writes down on his phone. You try to say that there is no need for him to bother but he insists on picking you up.
“Do you like Italian food?”
“I love it”
“Good, see you tonight” and this time his hand wraps around your arm and squeezes lightly as he leans down to give you a kiss on the cheek.
You return to the clinic feeling like you're walking on clouds.
You come home after working as hard as you can while still feeling anxious and completely unsure of what to wear. You know you didn't do anything wrong and that's a relief because you certainly can't mess up your patients' medications.
You jump in the shower, mentally going over everything in your closet. You decide to exclude any black dress because no, simply no. It's a special day and you want to wear a color. Maybe the green dress? No, green doesn't suit you, you don't even know why you bought it. Maybe the red one? But that one is very low-cut and you've rarely felt good enough to wear it. Maybe the blue one? The blue one is low-cut, but not too low-cut, it hugs you in the right way, it doesn't highlight what you don't want. Yes, maybe it's the right choice.
You hum in the shower as you wash your hair, satisfied with your decision.
You come out feeling invincible. Joel Miller has asked you to dinner. It’s been years since anyone has asked you out. You didn’t like the ones who did, and God only knows how much you miss good sex. Someone who touches you just right. Someone who makes you sigh and whimper and feel alive in his arms.
Someone who kisses you and leaves you breathless and doesn't hesitate to make you feel simply amazing as he goes down between your thighs.
Joel seems to have all the makings and miraculously seems eager to give you exactly that.
You slip into the dress and look at yourself in the mirror. You like the image it reflects. To hell with those stupid kids who always gave you shit and made you feel horrible.
You're going out to dinner with Joel Miller tonight.
Joel fucking Miller who in the high school categorization is the equivalent of the football quarterback.
The High School Prom King.
God, that makes you feel so good.
He rings the doorbell at 8:00 sharp, just as you’ve finished putting on your favorite lipstick. You take a deep breath as you go to open the door, placing your hand on the handle, and mentally preparing yourself for what you’ll find on the other side.
Finally you open it and he’s perfect. He looks like a painting framed by your door.
You stifle a scream with all your strength and say “hello” to him in a high pitched voice.
Goddamn you.
He doesn't even seem to notice. “So, miss, are you ready?”
“Sure, thank you.”
You grab your bag from the hall table and walk out with him. He takes your hand as he walks you to his pick up truck, opens the door and helps you get in.
Once in the driver's seat he turns to you and says "you look incredible tonight"
And you're about to say that after all you could skip dinner, who cares, instead you could go to your room and fuck. But you decide to behave as well as him, this man has a daughter to take care of and it seems like he's not looking for a one night stand judging by how many coffees he's offered you and how much he's put in to get to know you, so much so that by the second time he could order for you with his eyes closed, so you just say “you too” with the biggest smile widening on your face.
And oh, it's so true. He left aside the flannel shirts and the worn jeans and with them he was already the most attractive man who had ever caught your eye.
He’s wearing dark blue jeans and a beige shirt that hugs his strong biceps. You can glimpse his soft tummy as he drives, the last button before his belt tightening in a delicious way, his meaty thighs wrapped in those jeans are mouth watering.
The work he does makes him muscular in all the right places.
The car stops in front of the restaurant and he opens the door for you again. He lets you enter the restaurant first, he addresses the waitress politely and they place you at the best table in the restaurant. You are impressed, he did all this for you.
The evening passes pleasantly, you talk a lot and chat about everything, by now there is a familiarity between you that you have built over the weeks, you feel safe and comfortable with him. Finally. After so many failed and wrong relationships you feel like you have found someone right. Joel is not ashamed of you, he doesn't try to change you, he doesn't comment on your weight, he is truly a breath of fresh air.
And you see the way he looks at you, enraptured. His eyes sparkle as he talks to you and listens to you. He listens to what you have to say and never makes inappropriate comments.
You both have a sense of humor and you like that, you manage not to take yourself too seriously and laugh together. Which is hot. Extremely hot. Every time you see that dimple on his cheek pop up, your knees buckle and your heart melts. He’s so adorable.
You also like the fact that he talks to you about Sarah, it makes you feel involved in his life, it seems like he doesn't try to keep you separate from it.
“Sarah is at a sleepover at one of her friends. So…would you like to stay over tonight?” he says it looking you straight in the eye and you already know what it means.
It’s the night.
The big night.
After all, you felt it and put on your favorite lingerie.
“Sure I want to,” you reply, taking his hand across the table and squeezing it. His hands big and strong…you can’t wait to feel them all over your body.
He insists on paying the bill despite your protests, you walk out of the restaurant and toward the truck when Joel grabs your waist and presses you against the door. He’s an inch from your lips, you can feel his warm breath on your skin.
“Can I kiss you?”
“What if I say no?” you tease him with a mischievous smile.
His body is completely on top of yours and the truth is that you can already feel your panties getting wet.
“I would quit, but it wouldn’t be easy so I hope you’ll reconsider”
You giggle “okay” and you feel his hands tighten on your hips.
He presses his lips against yours and it's a sloppy, needy kiss, urgent, all spit and tongue.
It leaves you breathless and you wonder what he will do in bed if this is the effect he has on you with just one kiss.
In fact you are touching each other really for the first time, in these weeks you have imagined many times his lips, their taste, their softness, their warmth. Now you know that he exceeds all your expectations.
He's calmer now, his lips fit perfectly between yours, he gently nibbles your lower lip and continues to lick inside your mouth.
He’s divine.
Utterly divine.
His hands run up and down your hips and he's about to lift your dress and grab your thigh when you stop him. “Joel…”
He looks at you with bated breath and eyes begging for mercy. “Yes, sweetie?”
“Not here…please, take me home” you whisper and he sighs “okay”
You don't even know how you managed to stop but you want your first time to be just for the two of you, you don't want to risk prying eyes or voices shouting obscene comments getting in the way.
You're already nervous enough that he'll see you naked for the first time.
He makes you get back in the pick up and gets into the driver's seat, while he fastens his seat belt you cast an eye at his crotch and you realize he’s semi-hard.
While he's driving, you put your hand on his thigh, because he has to know how much you want him.
You squeeze gently and hear him grunt “Babe…don’t do it, I won’t make it home.” and you giggle.
His low, raspy voice drives you crazy, and for a moment while you're stopped at the traffic light you consider sliding down your seat and straddling him but no, just no, wrecking his car on your first date wouldn't be the best way to end it.
You take a deep breath, leaving your hand quietly on his leg, but you want… oh you want so much to move it up and reach his bulge and stroke it over his pants.
When he pulls up in his driveway in the cab of his pickup truck there's an electricity between you that could power a small village, you feel it fluctuating in the air.
He quickly unbuckles his belt and leans over you to unbuckle yours, not without kissing you. “Let's go, pretty lady, I feel like I can’t wait a minute longer”
You get out and run to the door, he nervously searches for his keys in his pockets and opens it. You don't even have time to look around, it's the first time you enter his house but you only see it fleetingly because he takes your hand and immediately drag you to the bedroom.
There’s a chest of drawers in one corner and a wardrobe, both made of dark wood, probably made by him.
In the center of the room there is a large bed with a headboard of the same wood, the walls are a beautiful cerulean blue, there are three paintings hanging above the bed.
The bed has beige sheets and a light beige duvet with white stripes.
It’s a very manly cozy room, he makes you sit on the bed and you feel how comfortable it is, it's like him, warm and soft.
He starts undressing in front of you, he takes off his shirt and unbuttons his jeans without taking his eyes off you, he seems hypnotized by you.
You suddenly feel like there's an emptiness in the pit of your stomach, you wonder if you're ready to make yourself so vulnerable in front of him.
Oh fuck, where did this come from now? Why? You were so happy just a second ago.
It was easy in public places, you were able to use irony and your defense tactics.
Now there’s just the two of you and you wanted that, you insisted for that and yet you feel exposed now.
You know it's right, your insecurities right now aren't from Joel. Joel makes you feel safe.
It's you, it's just you.
Joel notices your hesitation, comes closer and caresses your face then he gently takes your chin and raises your gaze towards his
“Are you okay?”
“Yes” you reply in a small voice.
“If you don’t want to do it, that’s okay, darling.”
Your voice cracks a little as you reply “no, oh no, Joel I want it”
“So what’s wrong? Talk to me, you can trust me, you know?” He slips his hand into your hair and caresses you gently, looking you intensely in the eyes.
It's so stupid, all night you've felt hungry and lustful for him and now… you're afraid that seeing you naked he might think he made a mistake.
“I…” you try to say. You know that he at least deserves sincerity from you “I… I’m ashamed”
Joel's eyes widen and a completely confused expression appears on his face “about what?”
He really doesn't seem to understand and it makes you feel a little frustrated
“About my body, about the fact that I'm not thin, I have stretch marks and many other defects and you will see them” you say it all in one breath feeling silly.
“Oh babe…no. Listen to me carefully: you’re absolutely gorgeous. You don't have to be afraid to undress in front of me, I'm sure that whatever is under your clothes is wonderful and deserves to be worshipped. I really like you. I'm not saying this just because I want to have sex. You’re beautiful, honey”
You feel tears stinging your eyes and you fight them back with all your strength “you could have anyone you want”
“I want you. I want you if you let me” his voice is firm, his fingers caress your jaw until they reach your lips and brush them gently.
“Do you trust me?”
Sure, why shouldn’t I. He’s never given me a reason not to. you say to yourself.
“Yes” you whisper
“I want nothing more than to make you feel good and I won’t do anything you don’t want.”
“I know”
“And you can always talk to me about anything, okay? I don’t want to make you regret this”
He is sincere. He is absolutely sincere and you can clearly see it in his big beautiful brown eyes.
“Okay” you smile
“And by the way…your curves make me absolutely feral” he gives you a mischievous smile.
“Yeah?” you say with a hint of surprise
“Sure. Would you let me prove it to you?” his hand is on your shoulder now and lingers on the strap of your dress.
“Yes, please Joel… yes”
Damn insecurities, they were about to make you lose the best man you've ever met.
And now you feel impatient again and want his hands everywhere.
Now you notice his broad chest, the freckles scattered across his skin, the happy trail of hair that ends up hidden by his jeans.
Now you can enjoy the view of his muscular shoulders and strong neck and you can't wait to taste his skin under your tongue.
His hands move slowly over you, he slides the straps of your dress and reveals your bra.
“Get up,” he says, “I want to show you something.”
You look at him in disbelief. “What?”
“Come with me” he takes your hand and makes you get out of bed.
He takes you to a full-length mirror in a corner of his room “Sarah made me buy this because she says I have to look at myself before I leave the house. She says I make terrible combinations when I get dressed. Sometimes I'm in a hurry and wear my shirt inside out or something like that." he says smiling and shaking his head.
You giggle and the confidential tone with which he speaks to you makes you feel special.
“Well I don't know if it's the mirror's merit but you did a good job tonight” you joke.
You are in front of the mirror and he is behind you “look at yourself”
You become serious again and observe yourself.
“Look how beautiful you are” he says in his deep and slightly hoarse voice“can I?” he asks placing his hands on the clasp of your bra. You nod.
He takes off your bra and drops it on the floor. You look at that woman in the mirror, you look at her skin and the roundness of her breasts and her hard nipples and then you look into his eyes and you see nothing but admiration “God, your breasts are amazing” you hear him say “can I touch them?” and you nod again “yes, please Joel”
He traces the outline with his fingers and then cups his hands and fills them with your tits.
You don't miss the moan of pleasure that he tries to stifle in his throat “they are so soft” he squeezes them delicately “mmm baby, they feel amazing in my hands”
He takes your nipples between his fingers and tugs on them slightly “and these? Look how sexy they are, I bet they would be delicious in my mouth”
You feel your skin heat up and your head spin, you squeeze your eyes shut at the sensation of his hands playing with yours hard buds and his words go straight to your cunt. He’s so good at this.
“Open your eyes, honey” he whispers in your ear “don't stop looking at yourself”
His hands leave your breasts and for a moment you want to take them and put them back there but you let him. He slides your dress down your hips, until you're left in your underwear in front of the mirror.
“You’re stunning” he punctuates every syllable on your skin making you tremble “absolutely gorgeous”
His hand slides over your stomach and your belly that always makes you feel insecure “Is that what worries you?” he asks as if he can read inside you “that you don't have a flat stomach? Honey, your tummy is amazing.”
He squeezes it and it seems incredible to you how delicate his big hands can be “It's full and delicious and sweet and I can't wait to bite into it”
You squirm, leaning over his broad chest “Oh my god” you moan
He caresses your hips with both hands, supporting you “and these… they feel welcoming and warm and mmm baby, so sensual. Can you see it? They fit my hands so perfectly”
You look at yourself and you've never felt this way.
Guided by his words you finally see yourself beautiful and desirable.
He slips his fingers under the edge of your panties “Can I?”
“Yes” you say in a breath
He slowly slides them off, revealing your pussy “Jesus.” He mutter “look at her. Look how perfect she is”
He just touches your mound and you feel hypnotized, his voice, his hands, the warmth of his body, it’s all too much.
“Oh baby… I love that you left that little strip of hair”
You can't hold back anymore and you whine “touch me Joel, I want more”
His voice vibrates on your soft skin again “Tell me what you want, in detail” He bites the spot where your neck meets your shoulder “I want to hear”
“Oh god… I want… I want your fingers inside me, stretching me just right” you babble “I want to feel full”
His fingers slide between your folds “God baby you’re soaking wet. It’s all for me?”
You squirm under his touch nodding repeatedly, you feel desperately needy and hungry.
“Yes. Please Joel”
“Please what, baby?” He ask maliciously
“Make me yours, make me all yours”
“Can you see how beautiful you are now?”
“Yes” you nod “yeah. Don’t make me wait any longer. I need you, Joel”
You can swear that right now you feel really beautiful and also the luckiest woman in the world.
“Oh, you're getting impatient now… I like that” he says in a hushed tone.
He's still behind you and holding you close, he's still wearing his jeans but you can feel his hard cock pressing against your ass.
You look small in his arms, he surrounds you completely.
He brings you back to the bed and makes you lie down, you are completely naked and yet you no longer feel ashamed and inadequate.
He takes off his jeans, remaining in a pair of black boxers.
At the sight of his erection poking out against the fabric you lick your lips in anticipation.
He lies on top of you, his eyes on yours, looking at you intently “You’re perfect, honey” and then his mouth crash into your neck, kissing and licking everything he can, he takes your skin between his lips sucking and biting like he was starving for you.
“Your skin is like velvet and you smell so good, fuck”
And you whimper and cry and clasp your hands on his shoulder digging your nails in them and you feel like you don’t need anything else in this life.
He lowers himself on your body, grazing at your skin with his lips, lingering for a while on your nipples and mumbling at how good they are.
“I love touching you with my mouth, tasting your curves against my lips” until he reaches your tummy giving sloppy kisses at it and then he bites it. His teeth are attentive and gentle but at the same time eager, like he wants to taste your whole being.
And then he come to your mound and traces your thin strip of hair with his tongue and you buck your hips and move one of your hands through his curls and you plead “more, Joel, please”
He grunts at you when you tug his hair and you look at him with the most miserable begging eyes you can pull out “You want it so bad, babe? Want me to eat you out?”
You mewl a yes and he smirk “want to come on my tongue?”
You nod again “yes”
He places himself between your thighs “God, she seems made for this. So sweet scented and pretty. I bet she tastes so good”
And in an instant he dives into your pussy and his nose bumps your clit as his tongue begins to lick you up and down, delving your folds and making your hips jerk.
Your legs are wrapped around his back and his hand is on your tummy holding you in place “god, you look so beautiful like that, my precious angel, all spread and ravenous for me” every word vibrates on your clit and make you moan loudly. It’s like a demon took possession of your body, an insatiable and aching demon that wants nothing but pleasure.
He nudges at your entrance with his tongue and you cry again for more “your fingers, Joel, please, give them to me”
He pushes two fingers inside your soaking wet hole, they enter just easily and he curls them up inside you reaching for your sweetest spot.
“fuck, yes” you howl “god they feel so good, they feel so fucking good, Joel”
“I know baby, I know, you’re taking them so perfectly”
He continues to swirl his tongue over your clit as he pump his fingers in and out of you, increasing the pace when you can’t hold your moans anymore and you’re so loud you almost fear his neighbors can hear you “God, Joel, I’m coming - I’m - coming ah- god you’re incr- ah” you’re totally babbling trying to get a complete sentence out of your mouth and you can’t, you just can’t because he’s too much and you never felt that good before.
“Soak my fingers, babe, soak my face, give it all to me”
Your pussy clench around his fingers and you feel breathless as your orgasm washes all over you, his dirty talk made you over the edge.
You whine his name as you come, again and again and he doesn’t stop lapping at you until you’re calm.
He lies down next to you, wrapping his arms around you, you bury your head in the crook of his neck and sigh, “Oh, Joel.”
His hand sits on your ass squeezing gently “Such a good girl for me. I can’t believe you almost called yourself out from this”
You playfully pinch one his nipples “don’t make a fool of me”
“I would never” he says, kissing your hair “I’m just saying that you’re too good to not be taken care of. Your body deserves to feel passion and lust and all of that”
“On that note… there’s something else I’d like to do” you look at him maliciously
“What, baby?”
“I would love to… uhm… fuck, I would love to give you head”
He tilt his head “excuse me miss? Watch your mouth!” You giggle hiding your face in his chest and he laugh, and then he goes serious and ask “You sure? You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to”
“Yeah, I know” and you raise your face to kiss the lovely bald patch in his beard and you move to his ear and you whisper “I really want that though”
“As you please, sunshine”
You cup his bulge in his boxer and stroke it gently over the fabric “someone else here needs to be taken care of too”
He grunts “yeah, baby, keep going like that”
“Actually… I can make it even better” and you move from his side getting on your knees on the bed and then sitting on your heels as you keep stroking him.
You lower his boxer and his cock spring free, he’s already hard as rock. You lick your lips “delicious” and he looks at you mischievously “I guess you can be naughtier than I thought, baby”
You smirk back at him, lowering yourself on his groin and kissing the tip of his cock, just the tip, gently as a feather.
You giggle and pull back as he bucks up his hips to your mouth “so impatient, aren’t you?”
“It’s just… I didn’t have anyone giving me head in a very long time”
You open your eyes wide “I don't believe it”
“I swear” he says in a lower hoarse tone “I didn’t… I had some one night stand here and there but nothing serious, you know, I needed to be focused on Sarah and my work. so everything was quick and meaningless”
You can’t imagine Joel having meaningless sex with anybody, he’s so respectful and attentive with you.
You raise an eyebrow. “Joel Miller, do you mean to make me believe that all the women in the neighborhood aren’t in love with you?”
“Oh Rose loves me for sure” and you laugh “but about the others… I don’t know, some of them tried a couple of times but I always rejected them. I told you, I didn’t have time for complications”
“Then why you’ve changed your mind now?”
“Sarah threatened to sign me up for Tinder if I didn't find someone. And then I met you”
You giggle “so you went out with me to be safe from Tinder”
“At first, maybe. But now you know that it's not just that, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
What he just did speaks volumes about how much he likes you.
And you’re even more convinced now.
You lower your head and lick the tip again swirling your tongue around it and he moans.
You slide your tongue flat along his length and wrap your hand around the base. It's big, bigger than you expected but you don't feel intimidated.
“Oh baby, you’re so good to me, what have I done to deserve such a perfect girl?”
He gasps when you took all you can of his cock in your mouth, feeling his length sliding over your tongue and his musky taste invading your palate, you whine beginning to suck like you’re desperate, stroking the rest of it with your fingers.
It doesn’t take too much before you start feeling him throbbing between your lips, he’s right on the edge as you suck and lick and kiss him like the most delicious lollipop you’ve ever had.
He pants loudly bucking his hips “Baby I’m almost - AH- almost there”
You make his cock pop out of your mouth “finish inside me, then”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I’m on the pill” you nod straddling his crotch and positioning his cock at your entrance.
You slowly lower yourself feeling the tip force its way into your hole and you moan with every inch that pushes its way inside you.
You stay still for a moment feeling his cock fill you up completely.
He says nothing but he looks you in the eyes and the brown of his pupils has become incredibly dark.
Eventually you start moving on top of him, placing your hands on his chest, your pussy making lewd sounds and your tits bouncing, he takes them in his hands squeezing them as he sinks into you, deeper and deeper and harder and harder.
You’re basically riding him and you've never felt so wild and free, your insecurities just disappeared clouded by your pleasure.
“Fuck, baby, you’re so gorgeous like this, look at the way your hips move, it’s so fucking amazing”
You throw yourself onto his chest as you feel his seed paint your walls, you take his mouth with yours stifling his moans that echo inside you.
He slides a hand between you, searching for your clit, and his calloused fingers begin to move over it. You end the kiss to look into his eyes, “don’t stop” he whispers “come for me baby.”
Your head feels light and your vision blurs as you feel your orgasm building up from the depths of your tummy, your pussy clenching and squeezing his cock.
You gush all over him like never before, making a mess of his crotch and the sheets underneath, crying his name so hard.
You rest your head next to his, inhaling the smell of tobacco, wood and the sweat of his neck, and you laugh, you laugh joyfully, “God,” and he does the same, wrapping his arms around you and caressing your back “Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, I'm sorry”
He holds you tighter “you don't have to be sorry, darling, it was wonderful”
“I made such a mess” you murmur
“So what? Nothing that laundry can’t fix. And I’m good at laundry, you know?”
He kisses your forehead and stroke your cheek “I haven't felt this good in ages”
“Yeah, me too” you kiss him wrapping one your leg around his.
You both stay quiet for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth, kissing every now and then suddenly it hits you and you say, “Do you know who we owe all this to?”
“No, I don’t honey, to whom?” he asks confused.
“Rose” you say “Think about it, if I hadn't brought her medicines that day we wouldn't be here now."
“That’s true. I think we should go visit her and bring her a nice present.”
“Yes. She will love the story of how we met.”
You kiss him again and think about what gift could match this. Probably none, because it's the best thing that's ever happened to you.
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Text
Falling in love again (Christen Press x Reader)
Writers block is being a pain at the moment so sorry it's been a while since I posted. I'll be back to trying to write my list of requests in a few weeks when I'm back from holiday. This wasn't requested, just a random idea and probably not very good but I hope you like it!
Warnings: Death of a partner, grief. If you find anything else let me know and I'll add it!
Words: 4.3K
---
Almost two years had passed since I lost my person. The person I thought I would spend my life with, the person I loved more than I thought it was possible to love someone. Life was cruel like that, giving you a person who understood you, who loved you so deeply, only to rip it away in the worst way possible. The day the phone call came, telling me Talia had been in an accident that claimed her life was a blur. Honestly, at times it still felt like a dream. The overwhelming grief, disbelief and fear I felt that day still ever present if I thought back to it. 
I had almost quit soccer for good after that, but I knew she wouldn't want me too. Talia loved watching me play, she knew how much I loved it, always encouraging me and supporting me in everything I did. So I kept going, every game I played, I played for her. The grief had faded since then. It was always there, it always would be, some days were worse than others, but it was bearable. It didn't consume me like it once had.   
One of the things Talia used to love was colouring in my tattoos. Not that I would have admitted it to her, but once we started dating, my new tattoos were purely designed so she could colour them. Our spare time was often spent with her colouring them while I drew or did random stuff. It was something I found myself doing often, especially when I was missing her.
Someone sat down next to me as I slowly coloured in one of the many tattoos scattered over my body. I didn't pay them much attention, continuing colouring, "What are you doing?"
I shrugged, not looking up at Emily, "Colouring."
"Is she colouring in her tattoos again?" Kelley asked sitting across from us.
"Yup, we really need to get her paper or a colouring book."
"Have you ever noticed even when there's paper around she still does it? Look at how comfortable and peaceful she looks. It's like a built in stress relief." I fought the urge to chuckle at how they talked as if I wasn't there. To be fair I was only half listening. 
"Why do you colour in your tattoos?"
I sighed, putting down the pen. The team had been bugging me for months now about it. These were some of the people I trusted most in the world, there was no reason to keep hiding it from them. "It reminds me of my wife. She would sit there for hours colouring in my tattoos while I drew. It became sort of a routine."
"You're married? You don't wear a ring."
I pulled the chain around my neck that held a simple black band and a silver band with a line of diamonds. "Mine and hers," I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions, "She died almost 2 years ago, I only take it off for games."
"God Y/n, I'm so sorry," Ali said, pulling me in for a quick hug.
Alex was the next to pull me into a tight hug, "How come we never knew? We've known you longer then two years?"
"No one knew except our close friends and family. At the time we weren't as close as we are now and I guess I couldn't bring myself to mention it after. We never specifically hid it, just didn't put it out there. She never wanted to the world to know who she was. Never wanted who she was with to impact her kids."
"She had kids?"
"She was a teacher at a school for kids with disabilities. They meant the world to her, she would do anything for them. It was always a worry that her suddenly being known would affect her job in some way."
"It sounds like she was an amazing person. I'm sad we never got to meet her."
"You did, you just never knew who she was to me."
"Talia? I remember you mentioning that she passed away and that's why you took that break," Alyssa asked.
"Yup, we had been married 4 years the day you met her."
"That's why you completely disappeared that day then wouldn't tell us why."
A small smile appeared on my face remembering that day. We had booked a hotel room, ordered way to much room service, gave each other massages, then had a bath and watched movies. It was simple, but one of my favourite nights besides the day we got married, "She had flown in that weekend just so we could celebrate our anniversary. We never spent one apart."
---
Christen sat down on her bed, staring up at me for a second before speaking, "That's why you turn everyone down when they ask you out? Including me."
There had been many people over the years that had asked me on dates, all being turned down for obvious reasons. Christen had been one of them though, about a year after Talia passed. Besides Talia, Christen was the only person I could actually see myself with if I ever got to a point where I felt ready. That wasn't now, but part of me hoped it would happen soon. Despite the guilt and grief that was there, I wanted the chance to be happy again with someone. We had talked about it a few times and neither of us wanted the other to hold on for too long. Talia would want me to be happy, to move on and one day, when the time was right, I would.
I sighed sitting down next to Christen. Sitting or lying on the others bed was a pretty common occurrence when we roomed together. "You know I know she would want me to be happy, but every time I even think about starting to date again, it feels like I'm betraying her. Like if I start something, I'll forget her."
"You'll never forget her. No matter what you're doing or who you're with, she will always be in your heart. She'll always be your person, but you can love someone else while still loving her just as much as you always have. It's not one or the other and if the next person doesn't understand that then they aren't worth the time. There's no rush to move on."
"Thanks Chris. Out of all the people that have asked me out, you're the only one I thought about saying yes to. I'm sorry I wasn't ready."
Christen placed her hand on my knee, squeezing gently. Something that always seemed to make me feel peace. "Don't be. I always knew there was a slim chance of you saying yes and I accepted that. I was just happy that it didn't change our friendship."
"Would you still be open to that date? Not right now, but sometime in the near future."
"Of course I would. There's no rush or pressure though Y/n/n, whenever you're ready, I'm ready. And if you're never ready that's okay too."
--- Today was two years since Talia was taken. Of course it was game day. When I realised the date it was like a weight was sitting on my chest. Christen was still asleep so I slipped quietly into the bathroom to shower and let the tears out. I had originally been thinking about pulling out of the game, but after my shower I was actually feeling okay to play. I was determined to win for her. 
The final whistle blew as I clung onto whoever was closest, my knees trying to give out on me. The rush of emotions I felt was not what I expected. Happiness, relief, grief all rushing through me as I tried to hold it together in front of everyone. Letting my emotions show in front of friends or family was hard enough, I didn't need that happening in front of the fans. 
I managed to hold it together enough to greet the fans before we made our way to the locker room. As I put the necklace back on, I broke. Tears silently streaming down my cheeks before a sob forced it's way out. Instantly, Ali's arms wrapped around me tightly as I sobbed into her shoulder. I didn't like crying in front of people, but there was no stopping it. So for once, I just let it out with the comfort of the people I trusted most. 
Once I had calmed down, Ali finally spoke up, "What's going on Y/n/n?"
"I-it's been 2 years sin-since- I'm sorry."
Ali's arms tightened as another hand squeezed mine, "Never apologise for feeling how you feel. You can always feel how you feel with us. We've got you always."
We spent longer in the locker room than we normally would as the girls took turns comforting me and making sure I was okay before we left. After dinner, most of the team ended up in one of the rooms for team bonding. There were quite a few questions about Talia, normally I didn't talk about her much because of the emotions it brings up, but everyone seemed genuinely interested in her.  Also, talking about her was actually quite therapeutic.  
Even though it was therapeutic, talking about Talia still brought up emotions so I had found myself cuddled up with Ali for comfort. I had almost went to Christen for comfort, but the guilt had started to creep in again making me decide against it.
"How old were you when you got married? It must have been quite young," Tierna asked.  
"We were. We started dating at 19, married at 23.  Possibly too young in some peoples opinions, but at the time we just got the idea in our heads and went with it. I proposed and 2 months later we were married. My time with Talia was incredible, it was fun and low maintenance. We met in college when we both didn't have a lot of money, most of our dates in our first few years were picnics, walks or movie nights. 
I mean our first anniversary, we made each other homemade cards. Talia got me marshmallows because I was obsessed with them at the time and I got her chocolate and gummy bears. We ended up at the beach, making smores before going back to my apartment and making pasta for dinner. To this day that was probably one one of my favourites. Talia never cared about fancy or expensive things, that never changed the further I got in my professional career or as our money situation changed. She was just happy if we were together."
I knew I was rambling, but I couldn't help myself. Talking about Talia before I lost her was one of my favourite things. The girls didn't seem to mind though as everyone's attention seemed to be completely on me. "She sounds like she was an incredible person."
"She was. I think she would have gotten along with all of you. Especially Emily and Kelley. Talia loved pranks and just being annoying. She wrapped up a carrot and gave it to me more than once, she would pull little pranks all the time or poke and prod at me constantly."
Later that night, Christen got my attention as I slipped into my bed, "Hey, you doing okay? I know today was hard."
"It was, but I'm feeling okay right now. I think talking about her helped. I've never really let myself because of the emotions it brings up. Turns out it's quite freeing to talk about her."
"The team would agree, it was nice to hear about her. I can see how much you love her."
"It's uh not weird for you is it?"
"No. Y/n, she was your wife, you love her, you always will. I know that. If we were to eventually get to a point past friendship, I would never expect anything else. You can talk to me about her whenever you want and I don't want you to feel bad about it."
"Thank you Chris. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything. I have every intention of asking you on a date, I just need a bit of time."
"Hey, I don't think that at all. Like I said, there is no rush, there's no expectations."
---
It had been about six months since mine and Christen's initial conversation. I was finally feeling like I was ready to try dating again, all I had to do was ask. It had taken longer than I thought it would and a part of me was thinking that Christen would have lost interest by now or just didn't want to deal with my past. A part of me was tempted to not ask, to save myself from rejection, but I also knew there was no way to know unless I asked. 
"So."
"So?"
I took a deep breath, trying to clear some of the nerves that had been building. I had never asked one out let alone dated anyone else besides Talia. Christen sent me a small smile, the nerves melting away when I saw the adoration in her eyes. "Will you go on a date with me Chris?"
"You're ready for that?"
"I think so, I've been thinking about it a lot recently. It's just this is something I haven't done with anyone besides Talia so I might not be perfect or even close to it, but I'll try."
"I would love to Y/n. Just tell me if we go on this date and you realise you're not ready. I'll understand. You also don't have to be perfect, we'll figure this out as we go okay?"
"Thank you Chris. I'll pick you up at 6?"
"We're sharing a room."
"I'm going to get ready in Ali and Alex's room, that way I can pick you up."
"And they say chivalry is dead." 
---
Trying to plan a date was so far out of my comfort zone that I didn't even know where to start. Of course I had been on many dates with Talia, but that was different. It had been 10 or so years since my first and only first date. I knew Talia like the back of my hand, I knew what she liked, where she liked to go. Christen on the other hand, I knew her, but to a far lesser extent which was making me overthink. What if she didn't like what I planned? What if I did too much or not enough? 
Before I could continue to spiral, I decided to enlist the help of Tobin. Normally I would go to Ali, but Tobin was Christens bestfriend. 
"You okay Y/n?"
"No. Well yes but also no. Christen and I are going on a date tonight and I'm freaking out. I cannot for the life of me decide what to do. Every time something comes to mind, I convince myself that it's not enough. Chris will be the second person I've ever taken on a date, it needs to be perfect."
Tobin led me to sit on the bed as I had started to pace across the room. "Don't tell her I told you, but Chris doesn't care what you do, she's just happy to go out with you. Tell me your ideas?"
"I know she likes parks or gardens, beaches, picnics, museums, that sort of thing. There's not a beach around otherwise I would take her there and it'll be too late to take her to the museum but I found a nice park the other day. It has a lake and there were heaps of like lights and stuff. Was thinking picking up some takeaway and other bits to have a picnic at the park, but it doesn't seem like enough."
"Y/n, that is perfect. I know this is pretty much completely new to you, but you just need to try relax a little bit. You know Chris, she's your friend, you know what she likes. She's going to love a picnic in the park, maybe a walk around after."
"Thank you Tobs."
"Hey Y/n?"
"Yeah?"
"Chris is going into this knowing there's a chance you realise you're not ready and she'll understand that, everyone will. There'll be no hard feelings or anything. Just if that happens, please tell her sooner rather than later. I know you won't do it on purpose, but I don't want her to get her hopes up."
"I will. This wasn't a decision I made lightly, I feel ready and I'm really hoping I am. I admit, it does feel a bit weird, but I really like her Tobin. The last thing I want to do is hurt her."
Tobin smiled slightly, pulling me into a quick hug, "I know and so does Chris. Just take it one step at a time, you don't need to rush anything or do anything that doesn't feel right."
After one last hug I made my way to the door, "Thanks Tobs, I should go get ready before I make myself late."
Before heading back to my room, I ran down to the shop to get a few things. Picking out what to buy took longer than it should have. Everything I thought about buying, I ended up second guessing if Christen actually liked it. Time was running out though so I ended up picking out some wine I thought she liked and some other picnic type things.
Despite almost making myself late, I knocked on the door at exactly 6 pm, trying my best to push down the nerves. Tobin was right, Christen was my friend, I knew she didn't expect or even really like some fancy date. There was no real reason to be this nervous. Part of it was probably because of how new it was, part of me was second guessing if I was truly ready for this, but I think that was due to nerves and not wanting to hurt Christen. Another part was because it was Christen. Gorgeous, kind, thoughtful Christen. Anyone in their right mind would be nervous to be going on a date with her. 
"Hi Y/n/n."
"Hi."
Christen smiled, kissing my cheek softly, "You okay?" 
"A bit nervous, but I'm okay. You ready to go?"
We made our way out of the hotel, stopping to pick up takeaway before starting the ten minute walk to the park. Christen didn't ask about what we were doing, instead making random conversation. Knowing I was nervous, I had a feeling she was doing it on purpose to try calm me down. It was definitely working, my nerves were fading away the longer we talked and I wasn't thinking so much about if it was enough. Instead, I was letting myself be excited about it. 
When we got to the park, Christens eyes lit up as she looked around. I found a nice spot by the lake, spreading everything out on the blanket as Christen got comfortable. "How'd you find this place? It's beautiful."
"I stumbled upon it when I went for a walk the other night."
"You went for a walk, alone at night?"
"Maybe not my best idea, but I needed to clear my head away from our room, away from the hotel."
Concern covered Christens face as she straightened slightly, "Away from our room? Was I doing something wrong?"
"No, no you didn't do anything. I was trying to figure out if I asked you out or not. I guess I was worried that I had left it too long and maybe you weren't interested anymore. I also felt a bit guilty, making you wait so long. It seems unfair to you. Got in my head about it I guess. If you can't tell, I'm a bit of an overthinker sometimes."
"Well I'm glad you did. This wasn't unfair to me, I promise. You were honest about everything Y/n, you didn't give me false hope or lie to me. That was all I could ask of you. Are you feeling okay about this?"
"I am. Honestly, it feels a little bit weird which maybe you don't want to hear, but I'm really having a good time."
Christen smiled, taking my hand gently, "Look, I don't get how it feels, but I will never dismiss anything you're feeling. You can always talk to me about it. It's okay for it to feel weird because it probably is for you, I don't take offence to that."
"Thank you. Now lets eat before it gets cold."
We spent the next couple of hours talking about anything we could think of. There had never been anyone but Talia that I could talk to so comfortably without running out of things to talk about. That was until Christen came along. Long before there were any feelings, there had always been something about her that made me feel comfortable talking to her about things. Now I craved the conversations I could have with her. I wanted to get to know her more, from the mundane to the personal. 
Conversation continued as we walked around the park hand in hand then back to the hotel when it started to get late. The nerves had long faded by now, instead being replaced by giddiness and maybe butterflies. Going on a date with Christen felt right. Despite the lingering guilt, I knew Talia would approve. I knew that out of anyone to move on with she would have chosen Christen for me. That in itself brought a sense of peace. 
---
Christen slipped under the blankets on her bed, pulling me down with her. I laughed as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, mumbling something about wanting cuddles. Pulling her closer, I left a soft kiss against her forehead before speaking. "You want me to sleep in your bed tonight?" 
Christen just nodded. We had just got back from our fifth date in two weeks. They could have been spaced out since we lived in the same city, but I felt like a smitten teenager again. Instead of the nerves that plagued me for our first date, I was excited about the dates. Maybe to some it was too many too quick, but I didn't care and Christen didn't seem to either.
Despite the amount of dates we had been on, we were planning on taking things slow. It was my idea to take it slow as this was something I hadn't done in a long time. We had kissed for the first time at the end of the last one, but even though we were rooming together, we hadn't slept in the same bed yet.
"That can be arranged, but I need to get changed and brush my teeth." She groaned dramatically, but let me go with a pout. After completing my nightly routine, I took my necklace off, putting it next to the bed. It felt unfair to Christen to be sleeping in the same bed as her while still wearing my wife's ring.
"What are you doing?"
"Taking it off."
"Because you want to or because you feel you have to?" I just shrugged, Christen stood up, grabbing the necklace and putting it back around my neck before her arms wrapped around my waist from behind. "I will never make you take this off. I never want you to feel like you have to for me okay? You will always love her and that's okay. It doesn't mean you can't have that love for someone else as well."
I nodded leaning back into her. One of my biggest fears with dating someone new was that they wouldn't understand or get mad at the fact that I will always be in love with someone else. That person just happened to not be here anymore. It was scary that I already felt myself falling for Christen, she was just such a beautiful person, inside and out. I don't think I could stop myself from falling even if I wanted to.
---
Christen and I were lying on my bed as the movie credits started to play. We were supposed to go out, but I wasn't feeling up to it. Talia's birthday was in a few days and I had been thinking about her a lot. No matter how much time passed, I still missed her just as much. I was feeling somewhat guilty about the new realisation that I was in love with Christen, like I was being unfaithful to Talia. I felt guilty a lot when Christen and I first started dating. It had mostly faded over the 6 months we had been together, though it always got worse near dates to do with Talia. I just had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing to feel guilty about and that she would be happy for me.
"I hope she's proud of me," I stated quietly, mostly to myself.
Christen turned her head slightly, "Maybe I didn't know her very well, but I know she is. You've come so far in your life and career. You are an amazing person, anyone would be proud of you."
"Sometimes I wish I could have one last conversation with her. See what she thinks of my life, where I am, who I'm with. I still talk to her sometimes, almost expecting a response, but of course it'll never come."
Her fingers laced with mine, squeezing slightly, "I'm sure she's listening and she's happy that you're living the life you want. That's what the people who love us should want for us."
I rolled over so I could look at her properly, brushing a piece of hair out of her face, "Have I ever thanked you? For letting me talk about her, for understanding that me loving her doesn't take away from what I feel for you, for always being there for me on days like our anniversary, or her birthday or the anniversary of her death. It's something I am forever grateful for Chris."
"I will always do all of those things, you don't ever need to thank me. I love you Y/n, I'll always be there for you no matter what."
"Y-you love me?"
"I do. You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know."
I kissed her softly, trying to show everything I was feeling, "I love you Chris."
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sssammich · 6 months
Text
collateral ch6
HELLO i'm posting this purely for the bit in that it's st. patrick's day and therefore it's kmcg's day. sorry to the one veto vote in my unserious poll.
here's the chapter in ao3
here's the rest on tumblr: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5
thx for reading see u next time
---
It’s only Kara’s third week on the job at CatCo. It’s a definite upgrade from her job writing articles for the Midvale Messenger, but the transition from small town to big city living has needed a little learning curve. She’s barely gotten used to her schedule, let alone the bus route to and from her apartment when a really big assignment falls on her lap that changes her entire life. 
She looks up, pushing her glasses back on her face when she finds Snapper’s scowling face in front of her. 
“Come with me.”  
She furrows her brows, yet before she has time to ask him anything, he’s already walking away. She scrambles to her feet and rushes after her boss paying little attention to the stares coming from those around the office. She eventually gets her answer when they end up in his office.
“Sir, what—” 
“Can you explain to me why Lena Luthor requested you specifically to write about the launch of their new tech project?” 
Kara’s head remains empty as she quickly rifles through her mind for some flash of recognition to that name. She doesn’t know a Lena Luthor nor does she even cover the tech beat. 
“Snapper, sir, this might be a misunderstanding. I don’t know who that is.” 
He glares at her just as he places one hand on his hip while the other rests on his desk. “Well, you better figure out who she is quickly. You have an interview with her on Thursday at 10am. Do not be late. And make that article worth my while, you understand?” 
“Me?” she asks, her head slow to catch up to his words. 
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask me that. Now, get out of my office.” 
Wordlessly, and still a little shell-shocked, Kara quickly exits out of his office and makes his way back to her desk. 
“What was that about?” William, one of her coworkers, asks her as peers over his monitor.
She shakes her head. “I have no freakin’ clue.” 
Armed with a memo pad and her trusty BIC ballpoint pen, she enters the L-Corp building in downtown National City. She’s on her second cup of coffee this morning, having stayed up late the last two nights doing her homework, researching about L-Corp, the upcoming project launch that the company has largely kept under wraps, and the head of Research and Design: Lena Luthor. 
She has no idea what this woman’s game is about, but she won’t turn down the opportunity as it presents itself. 
Wiping her sweaty hands on the back of her chinos, she reaches the 46th floor and talks with Lena’s assistant about ten minutes before her appointment.
“Miss Luthor will be with you shortly.” 
“Thanks.” 
She waits patiently in the small waiting area, her knee bouncing slightly. She crosses her legs at the knee and resituates herself to stop the bounce. She glances at the clock on the wall and finds that Lena Luthor is now five minutes late. 
She considers walking up to the assistant who seems very intently typing away at her keyboard, but thinks better of it. She waits it out, gives it another five minutes. She reviews her questions from her pad and double checks that her recorder is fully charged. The ticking from the clock and the consistent typing sounds fill the otherwise empty waiting area. 
She watches on as the assistant takes a call before looking over at her from across the way. 
“Miss Luthor apologies for her tardiness, but if you could wait another five minutes, she’ll be on her way up.” 
She nods and sits back slightly in her chair. The clock ticks on. 
While waiting, Kara briefly wonders if this is some type of test, a ploy to check on her. Her imagination lands her to think that this might be some kind of hazing from her colleagues. That didn’t make sense, however, not when this assistant seems like the kind of woman who wouldn’t participate in a prank if it affected her productivity. 
After almost twenty minutes, Kara audibly sighs, tries to rein in her annoyance, before getting up from her seat and decides that perhaps it’s best to reschedule. Just as she’s about to talk with the assistant, the elevator dings open and a woman in a lab coat wearing large dark-rimmed glasses with her hair pulled back in a high ponytail rushes towards them. 
“You must be Kara Danvers,” the woman says, her voice coming out composed despite the exhale she lets out, no doubt from rushing out. 
“I—yes,” she offers, a little stupefied in her spot, glancing down at the offered hand before slowly taking it in her own. 
“Lena Luthor. My deepest apologies for being so late; I was on my way up when a small emergency that couldn’t be ignored exploded…literally.” 
“Is everyone okay?” 
“Everyone is more than fine, thank you. Now, I’m sure you’re also a busy woman, so if we need to reschedule, then I understand. But if you have some time to spare, I can clear part of my schedule so you can ask all of your questions.” 
She blinks a few times to process Lena’s words, a reckoning force in front of her that Kara wouldn’t deny, even if she could. She beams and steps to the side. “Deal.” 
True to her word, Lena Luthor answers all of her questions about the new project called Biomax, a nanotechnology meant to advance and expedite healing for various open wounds and injuries. She thoughtfully takes notes of Lena’s responses knowing that the recording will help jog her memories if necessary. 
“Do you have any more questions?” 
Kara glances down to the last question that she has underlined twice: why me?  
She hesitates, an uneasy smile on her face. “Yeah, actually.” 
“Go ahead.” 
“Why did you pick me to interview you? As far as I know, we’ve never met—I’d remember you, for the record—so…just…why?” 
Lena holds her gaze, her head tipping to the side as she regards Kara. She almost looks away under the attention, but maintains her composure. 
“I’m honestly surprised you didn’t ask me right away.” 
She shrugs. 
“This project is very important to L-Corp and could greatly affect public perceptions of the company.” 
“I won’t write a puff piece if that’s what you’re asking,” she declares, sitting up. Yet Lena matches her and places a hand up, as if to stop her. 
“On the contrary. I need you to do what you do best.” 
“Excuse me?” 
Lena tents her hands in front of her and smirks. “Your established work in the Midvale Messenger shows level-headedness and thoughtful critiques. You’ve shown fair assessment and reporting, as far as I’m aware.” 
“Oh.” 
“This is a good project, Miss Danvers. I believe it can do a lot of good for a lot of people. But prior to the rebranding, L-Corp has been host to many scandals, as I’m sure your research has shown you. All I ask is that the project is reported on on its own merits and critiqued fairly for what it is and not who owns the building that developed it.” 
“You researched me?” 
“As I’m sure you researched me.” 
“Fair enough.” She nods in understanding. Then, “Don’t worry. I’ll do my job.” 
Lena smiles wide and Kara can’t help but glance down at red lips and white teeth.
“That’s all I ask.” 
Lena’s phone rings, signaling that she needs to get ready for an upcoming meeting. They both stand on either side of Lena’s desk before Lena walks around and stands practically toe to toe with her. 
“Thank you for your time, Miss Luthor—” 
“Lena, please.” 
“Lena, then. Thank you.” 
“You’re welcome, Miss Danvers.” 
“Well, if I’m calling you Lena…” 
“Kara it is. Feel free to call back if you need anything else for your article.” 
It’s only as they take the few measured steps between the desk and the office door that Kara notes the warm and cozy tones of Lena’s perfume just as she catches the side to side swish of her long ponytail from the corner of her eye. 
She turns around again and offers a hand, this time Lena grabbing hold of it with ease and shaking it a few times. 
“I hope this isn’t the last time we talk.” 
“I hope not either.” 
It’s not until Jess opens the door in front of them that they let go of each other’s hands. 
Her article goes to print, and she’s happy to see her name on the byline. So soon after starting her job, too. 
When she walks into the office the morning her article goes live, she’s met with all eyes from everyone staring at her as soon as she steps out of the elevator. She offers them uneasy smiles as she treks to her desk only to find it teeming with flowers. 
“What’s this?” she asks as she tries to move the different bouquets out of her seat and away from her monitor and keyboard. She glances at William next desk over and he only shrugs. 
“Secret admirer?” 
She plucks the lone card from one of the bouquets and flips it over, grinning from ear to ear. 
Thank you for doing your job. L.L.
The paper bag crinkles in her grip as she adjusts the shoulder strap of her messenger bag. The elevator dings and she appears back on the 46th floor of the L-Corp building. 
She walks towards the assistant who doesn’t seem surprised to see her. 
“Hi, uh—” she quickly glances at the name on the desk, “—hi, Jess. I was here last time. I know I don’t have an appointment, but do you think Len–Miss Luthor has a small break coming up or anything like that?” She knocks her glasses back up her nose with her knuckle. 
Jess studies her for a moment before glancing back down to the monitor. “She’s free for the next fifteen minutes.” 
She nods quickly and smiles, appreciative of the granted access. 
Kara knocks and waits until she hears a muffled response for her to enter. She peeks through the door before slowly making her way in. 
“Hi, Lena. Sorry to drop in unannounced…”
“Kara, hello. This is a lovely surprise.” 
She hums. “Well, I was in the neighborhood.” 
“Is that so?” 
“Mm. It turns out, it’s hard to get work done when your desk is overflowing with flowers.” 
“Really? Never would have guessed.” 
“No? Somehow I’m surprised,” she asks with a slight giggle. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I did.” Lena nods, her face sobering slightly, even with the smile still on her face. 
Kara brings a hand up and fixes her glasses again. “Well, I’m not sure I can compete with dozens and dozens of flowers. But perhaps I can offer you with a couple deep fried sugary goodness in exchange. You do eat donuts, right?”
Lena stands from the side of her desk and walks to accept the bag from Kara’s hands. “Well, I am human. Thank you, Kara. Won’t you join me? Probably for the best I don’t eat it all.” 
“Only if you’re sure.” 
Lena sits on the white couch at the far end of her office. “I’m very sure.” 
Kara takes a spot on the couch, the bag of donuts sitting between them. The fifteen minutes of break that Jess originally mentioned becomes half an hour then an hour until it’s just about time to leave for the day, the minutes and hours filled with conversation about nothing, everything. 
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, Lena,” she starts as they both rise to their feet. “I didn’t mean to keep you.” 
“Nonsense.” 
“I should probably get going, though. A few bites of donuts isn’t enough sustenance.” 
“Well, if you’re not tired of me yet, I was just about to grab some dinner. You're welcome join me.” 
"I couldn't impose." 
"I insist."
Kara glances down at the way Lena’s hands fiddled with each other. Then she thinks briefly about the empty apartment that awaits her and the leftovers sitting in her fridge. 
“Well, then, I’d love that.” 
— 
Days of friendship blossomed into weeks, Kara and Lena trading texts and video calls interspersed with dinners and coffees after long work days. 
The excitement of friendship with Lena lit something deep inside of Kara that she didn’t know ever existed. Simply put, being around Lena was a source of comfort while she settled herself in National City. 
“You’re not the only one who’s new around here,” Lena had said to her during one of their coffee outings, sympathizing with Kara’s adjustment after her recent arrival to the city. “It’s nice for me, too, to have someone—a friend—to spend time with. My therapist thinks so, anyway.” 
Kara then reached forward and placed a hand on Lena’s. “Tell your therapist you’re not alone, Lena. You’ve got me.” 
Lena smiled before reaching over and giving her a hug. Kara easily accepted, held Lena close to her, and made sure to never break her vow. 
It’s been a handful of months since Lena and Kara became friends, best friends even, and being allowed unrestricted access to Lena’s office for Kara to stop by still rattles something inside of her. It’s…she can’t quite put a finger on it. A kind of intimacy she enjoys: to be chosen, to be privileged in this way. 
She greets Jess with a grin and a separate bag for Jess’s favored almond croissants as Kara carries her and Lena’s lunch from Noonan’s. 
“How’s it looking today, Jess?” she asks just as puts the bag for Jess on her desk. The assistant grabs for the bag, an uncharacteristic voraciousness as she opens it and takes a whiff of the pastry. “That bad, huh?” 
“She’ll enjoy seeing you today, let’s just say.” 
“Alright. Does she have a hard stop?” 
“She has a conference call at 3. But otherwise, keep her from her computer until then.”
“Got it.” 
Just then, Lena pulls the door open. “Stop plotting against me.”
Kara beams and walks forward with a one-armed hug as she holds the bag of their lunch away from their bodies. She warms at Lena’s touch, both of her arms wrapping around Kara’s back before it gently slides down the length of her back before her hands rest briefly on Kara’s waist.
“I’ll plot against you any way I like. I’m my own woman.” 
“Yes, you are. It’s good to see you, darling. But we don’t have an appointment, do we?” 
“No, no. I just figured I’d drop off some lunch for you. Heard you’ve had a brutal morning.” 
Lena then glances at Jess who has remained steadfast in staring at her screen. “Is that right?” 
“Yes. Now we can stand here or we can actually eat some lunch. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” 
Lena steps back and allows her to walk past her, making a beeline for the coffee table in front of her white couch. She quickly takes out their food from the bag and situates it neatly in front of them, a nice little spread of salads and breads and pasta dishes. 
“Did you buy all of Noonan’s?” Lena asks when she sits beside Kara on the couch. “I can’t possibly eat all of this food, Kara.” 
“Uh, because they’re not for you,” she says, offering a playful scoff. “That’s your kale salad and all the good stuff is mine.”  
She grins when she catches Lena rolling her eyes at her who otherwise grabs a plastic fork and takes a healthy bite out of her salad. Kara hates the stuff, thinks it’s an abomination, but she’s happy to see her friend eating and relaxing. 
Kara etches this moment to memory. Because she likes how settled Lena is beside her as they dig into their lunch. Likes how visibly comfortable Lena looks as she asks Kara about her day so far. Likes how she nudges some other dishes Lena’s way until Lena relents, still gracious as she does so, picking at some of the food. It’s one of Kara’s favorite views, the way Lena leaves herself unguarded, her walls down, with her. 
Abruptly and without notice, something inside of Kara shifts—irreparably, irrevocably. 
She doesn’t know what she’s even said for Lena to snort in laughter, putting her food down on the coffee table to cover her mouth as giggles leak through her fingers.
Something inside of Kara slots into place, the world suddenly saturated and sharpened.
When Lena gets a handle on her laughter, her mouth still etched with the echoes of her mirth, she opens her eyes to fondly look back at Kara, grasping at her arm and squeezing. 
Kara doesn’t hear anything but the pulse of her blood rushing to her ears, and the heat of Lena’s hand on her skin suddenly scorching her. 
And Kara, hopeless and unprepared, discovers on a Tuesday afternoon that she’s maybe a little bit in love with her best friend.
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whiskey-bumblebee · 1 year
Note
Hii<33 I'm the one who asked for requests lmao
So... I just had this thought and I can't shake it off </3
dbf!Hotch is having a bad time. Haley had been complaining about his schedule at work for a while, their love life wasn't going well, and Hotch starts to realize that he could feel something for his best friend's daughter. 👀
So when Haley tells him that she wants a divorce, (and to consider themselves divorced immediately, they just have to sign the paperwork) he doesn't have a place to live, and when his sweet, lovely, and caring best friend hears him, he suggests that he might move in with them for a while 👀 (Reader is happy that he's coming to live with them, even if she doesn't yet know why)
I really don't want to make this long (and I'm sorry ughh) but what about Hotch having a nightmare about losing Reader, but she somehow notices that he's not feeling well, and they sleep together?
You know, some flirt around the house and some fluffy and the end 🥹
Feel free to ignore this, I know it's a bit meh LMAO
would it be a sin?
Tumblr media
Pairing: dbf!Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Accessibility/Diversity notes: Gender neutral reader (let me know if you want me to change the pronouns, nonnie!), reader's dad is a minor character.
Word Count: 2k
Warnings: dbf!hotch (reader is an adult), brief mentions of Jack and Haley, allusions to masturbation.
A/N: Thanks for your request! If you like this, feel free to send another 💃Postscript designed by @saradika (thank you!!) Also I listened to 'Can't Help Falling in Love' while writing this (specifically Haley Reinhart's version), if anyone wants to listen to that while they read :)
Tagging: @ssamorganhotchner @hotchsdoormat
It's bad timing. All of it is bad timing.
Fine, it could have been worse. The case was much like all the others, not one of the ones that wrenched Hotch's heart out of his chest and tore it into little pieces. Although maybe it would have been better if it had been one of those, seeing as the outcome of the day was the same.
"Get out. Me and Jack can't take this anymore."
"Haley, please, let's just talk about this. I'm not going to try and change your mind, but we need to talk about the details-"
"No, Aaron, get out. Just get out. And don't come back."
That gets Aaron's attention. Haley had kicked him out before, but never with the stipulation not to return. His wide brown eyes settle on her, assessing her.
"Haley... This is my house."
"God, you love throwing that back at me, don't you? If it's your house, why are you hardly ever in it? It's your house, but it's Jack's home. He didn't even recognize you when you came home."
"He was watching TV and called me by one of the characters' names. It's developmentally appropriate-"
"I'm filing for divorce, Aaron."
"Daddy?"
Jack walks into the room, clutching his teddy to his chest. He's in his blue astronaut pajamas.
"Can you read me a story before you go again?"
"I'm not going anywhere, buddy."
Jack's face lights up. "You mean... even two stories?"
Aaron grins. "Yeah. Even two."
Haley glares at him. "Actually, Jackers, daddy is leaving. He's gotta go."
Jack looks between his parents, clearly confused by their conflicting words.
"But he said-" Jack starts.
"Go to bed, Jack." Haley rubs her forehead.
"Haley, it's not even seven yet, let me-" Aaron takes a step towards Haley. She takes a step back and looks over at Jack.
"Bed, Jack. Now."
"But daddy's home."
Aaron's heart twists in his chest. He's always felt like the luckiest man alive to be the person that this sweet kid calls that, and the disappointment on Jack's features is sharper than any knife.
Haley shoots Aaron a look that says 'this is all your fault', and Aaron's stomach drops. Maybe he should have slept on the couch in his office. How could he expect Jack to handle this? The constant coming and going, the late nights, the missed soccer games...
"Okay. Alright buddy, I'll see you soon."
Jack's face crumples. "No story?"
Haley scoops Jack into her arms and starts walking towards his bedroom. She glances back over her shoulder and mouths 'out'.
And that's how Aaron finds himself back in his car much earlier than he'd expected to be. He scrolls through his contacts three times before he finds someone he feels okay about calling at dinnertime on a weeknight.
"Hey, Aaron. What's up?"
"God, I don't know where to start. Uh, so it looks like I might need a place to stay tonight. I'd book a hotel but with the concert tonight-"
"Fuck, man. Haley again? It's no trouble. I'm actually out of town for a few days, there's a conference in Dallas, you can stay in my bedroom."
"I'll sleep on the couch-"
"No, my kid's visiting this week, I think they'd prefer if you stay in another room."
"Oh, of course."
You, Aaron thinks. Lovely, intelligent, kind. Of course you're visiting your dad. Of course your dad forgot to block out the time to see you.
"Alright, you know where the spare key is. Let yourself in. Stay as long as you need, I'll be back Friday morning though. Hopefully Haley's cooled off by then."
Three days alone with you. Aaron feels guilty for intruding into your space like this, but he's just about out of options. There's a feeling low in his belly, hard to ignore and harder still to admit, but he pushes it down as far as he can.
He drums his fingers on the steering wheel and watches the streets pass. Soon enough, there's your house. He rings the doorbell as a courtesy, but eyes the potted plant that he knows has a hollow base.
"Oh! Mr. Hotchner."
"Hi, uh, I just called your dad-"
"He called me too. Come in," Your smile is inviting, if the way you swung the door wide open wasn't enough.
You turn on the kettle and take out two mugs, then tap the instant coffee and the box full of teabags in turn. Aaron nods towards the tea. You gesture for him to take a seat. He calls out from the living room.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I know it's short notice."
"No, no. I only cancelled my birthday party."
Aaron winces. "Oh my god, please, I'll hide out in your dad's room."
You just smile and laugh easily. "I'm just kidding. I thought you knew my birthday wasn't for another few months."
Now that Aaron thinks about it, he did know that. Your birthday was closer to his than this time of year.
You bring out the two cups of tea, setting out a little plate of cookies.
"Have you eaten anything? You look like you're wasting away."
"Thanks," Aaron huffs a laugh. "A week of takeaways will do that to a person."
You look Aaron over. "Hmm. Strong Southern boy like you... How about some green bean casserole? It's just leftovers, but..."
The humility in your eyes, matched with your robust generosity, your effortless thoughtfulness, makes Aaron swoon.
"I can even sweeten the deal with some mashed potato."
He wonders how long it's been since you saw him last. Maybe a year? It's not often you're in town. And this is how you greet him.
"If it's not too much trouble."
You shrug.
"Be trouble. It sounds like you've had a rough day."
Aaron sighs. So your dad told you.
"Jack looked so sad. Haley is, well. I understand that I'm not enough for her, but my son... I should be there for him. He needs a father."
"You are there for him," You cock your head.
"Not enough."
"If Haley isn't capable of parenting him on her own, she shouldn't have settled down with you."
Your tone is cool, but you're not saying it to be cruel. Hotch knows you're right. Haley knew what she was getting into.
"Anyway. You probably don't want to talk about it."
Aaron nods. "Your life is probably much more interesting than mine."
You shrug. "Trying to find the right combination of work and play. Much the same as yours."
Your lives couldn't be more different, but Aaron sees what you mean. You understand.
You finish the last of your tea with one large gulp and head for the kitchen to heat up some dinner for Aaron.
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Aaron can't hold back. His heart is full from your conversation, and the food you'd given him sits warmly in his belly. He knows this room shares a wall with the guest bedroom, where you're sleeping, so he bites the fist of his right hand while his left hand is... occupied.
A grunt slips from his lips, and he can't help it, it sounds like the first syllable of your name. He scrunches his eyes shut, ceasing his movements. He waits for you to bang on the wall, or to knock on his door, but nothing comes.
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Three nights pass that way.
You used earplugs on the first night, but your curiosity and desire dissolve your ethics. He's breathy, a practiced quiet from nights in hotel rooms beside his colleagues. They could almost be the breaths of sleep, but they come slightly too quick, slightly too sharp.
[Aaron wonders why you haven't said anything. He's not exactly trying to be loud, but...]
The thought of your mouth on him makes you feel electric. You bite your lip, willing your mind to think of anything else. This is completely inappropriate. You'd hate to make him uncomfortable. It feels like a violation of privacy.
Later that night, Aaron bursts into your room, trembling. He's been sleeping in a pair of sweatpants, shirtless.
You blink slowly, willing the heavy sleep from your limbs.
"Aaron?"
He takes a seat on the side of your bed.
"I'm sorry, I know it's the middle of the night-"
You shake your head. "Is everything okay?"
He rests his hand over your own.
You lift the covers, the same way you've always done for friends, close family. You pat the bed beside you and he slips in. You sit hip to hip with your backs pressed against the wall behind you. To stay warm, you keep the covers pulled up to your chest.
"Haley's going to leave me."
"It's a hard situation-"
Aaron shakes his head, cutting you off.
"Haley's going to leave me, and instead of dreaming about her, I was dreaming about you."
He can't look you in the eyes, instead staring at the foot of the bed.
"What did you dream about?"
"Psychologically, it would be sensible to dream about losing her. But we were on this ship, and there was all of this swell, and a wave came, and I couldn't save you. You were just swept right off the deck and I couldn't save you."
"Hey," You coo. "You're okay. I'm okay." You wrap your arms around him. "I'm right here."
"You're important to me," He breathes. "I didn't realize it until now, but-"
He turns to face you, and you realize too late that your faces are very, very close together. He glances at your lips, then back up at your eyes.
"Aaron," You breathe.
"Kiss me?" His voice is soft from sleep, but there's a plea in his eyes.
You shake your head. "I don't want to take advantage of you."
He smiles. "Take advantage of me? When I came into your bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Okay, okay. And you're older, and more experienced, and whatever. But you're tired. I can see it in you. And you just had a nightmare."
You run your index finger over the creases in his brow.
"What does it mean, that the dream was about you?"
A more conscious Aaron would have known the answer, but he's exhausted, sleep-deprived. Without his typical routine, his kitchen, his suits lined up by colour. He's missing his armour.
"Think about it in the morning."
"Can I stay?"
You run your fingers through his short hair. You'd daydreamed of this moment for years. All of your logic is telling you that it's not a good time, he's not in his right mind, he has a room he can easily go back to, and he's still married. The golden band is still on his finger. He sees you seeing it.
He slips it off, letting it clatter on your bedside table.
"Don't let her make the decision."
"So, stay."
Aaron gestures for you to lie down, and you do. He lies down on his back and you move to rest your head on his chest. You drape one of your legs over his own.
"I'm not going to be a rebound."
"I wouldn't let you. You wouldn't let yourself."
You nod.
"Try to get some sleep. God knows you need it."
Aaron nods.
You count the glow in the dark stars that glow on the ceiling. You count again, and again, waiting to wake up. The sun rises before you do.
When your father walks into his bedroom the next morning and finds it empty, the sheets rumpled, he's confused. Aaron isn't the type to leave a bed unmade.
He pushes the door to the guest bedroom open slowly, just enough to see inside. You're in bed, which he expected. What he didn't expect was seeing his best friend beside you. You're both still asleep, curled around each other like you've known each other all your lives. Your dad supposes you have known Aaron all your life, and he's known you all of yours.
He expects anger to well up inside him, or betrayal, or grief. But seeing your bodies entangled in the sheets, he only feels peace. You fit together like this is what you were made for. Your dad smiles and closes the door gently.
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minzart · 8 months
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The greatest yarn ball ever. Honestly, I need more of them in my life. I never really view Y/N as me. I always enjoy seeing them be their own character more. So y/n having an actual design and what seems to be their own personality instead of a blank. That's the good shit right there. Them working for the Vees is so great. Are they also at the hotel? Are they there for redemption? Does Alastor know about y/ns connection to Vox? What is overlord y/n like? Are they sadistic? Did they just take control to immediately use their power to hide in their room and play video games? THEY ARE SO COOL AND CUTE AND I HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!! (Sorry for the long ask. I just really love your art)
I'm really glad you like them! I also love when reader has more of a personality and their own little quirkys, I'm very picky with fics and love stepping into reader's toes when they got a perssonality more than when it's a reader trying to be as neutral as possible.
I'm also trying to do more desig for the Y/N I have, hazbin is the first sucessfull one that isn't just a grey blob with eyes that are Y/N in them(villainous is next i fell it).
As per this comic, yeah :D, reader lives in the Hotel.
And no they are not there for redemption, they are like Angel in the beginning, seeking a place to live more than seeking redemption, to stay they offered their services as a technician and one more extra hand to the chores. The hotel is the first place they can actualy rest without worrying about stalkers and creepy fuckers, so it's slowly being home and it's residents their roommates
I imagine Alastor absolutely does know they work for Vox, since in their uniform they have the Voxtek logo, he probably was waiting to see if they were like sirpentius but more blunt and with a good poker face, they can stay as long as they don't try to film or put a camera were they shouldn't. He is also a gossip girl and loves listening to them complaining about they work and specifically teleports into the bar when the talk is about one of reader's bosses.
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Overlord reader is sadistic yes, however they take on a more... emotional approach - my intention with sinner/regular reader is that they write to satisfy the more emotional weight hell probably lacks. See Valentino's porn that are 100% only porn and no plot. Their writting takes on a more emotional catarses approach - so overlord reader is a bit like Alastor, a conman, they toy with emotions and belive themselves above actualy feeling them(but we know were this can go ;) ), their sadism is in the form of the betrayal their victims feel when they get tricked into a contract after perhaps years of "friendship".
As an informant they are constantly up to date with the generation and it's hard to pin point what actual decade they died in, they can be charming, they job is practically be the persson with the most connections in hell afterall. And their story is, Funnily enough, a matter of luck, right time, right words, and right people, overlord reader is always present and takes to a variety of hobbies to conect with people, they have always something to talk about and to tell.
I imagine they wish they could just lock themselfs in their room and play games, but they are in too deep into their own web and now needs to maintain it to have a semblance of security. I'm still thinking who can swap with who for overlord reader's world so we got more of dynamics to work with. For now I only have like, overlord Husk and Angel, and the Vees I'm thing of "joining the hotel for redemption but not really they just are broke and need a place to hide but hey maybe they can finaly have a semblance of normality and grow as people there now?", maybe Charlie is the Alastor in here and Emily got the "hotel" idea? I'm still working on it and the show still have mysteries that I can't include (like who the fuck is behind Alastor's strings and Lilith's canon perssonality so i'm riding on headcanons for those)
Don't worry about asks! I'm having so much fun taking about hazbin reader it gives me opportunity to work on ideas and maybe a little plot for a future fic?(i saw your coment and i'm brainstorming ideas for it now)
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rationalisms · 8 months
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sorry to whack a wasp's nest, and i am prefacing all of this by saying that i enjoyed the game and think there are a lot of good aspects to it, but!
i am genuinely so sick of the way people talk about baldur's gate 3
i don't think it should have won game of the year
it's so, so irritating to see people claim over and over that bg3 is somehow groundbreaking for the genre or some sort of trailblazing star in a charred wasteland that has seen no good release since dragon age: origins. and like, it's not just idiots in the steam reviews and on reddit who are talking like this (though they are fucking everywhere on both. one of the highest rated posts on the bg3 sub for months was some dude literally going "i've never played a ttrpg or crpg and i believe bg3 is a game changer" fucking lol). it's also like. professional video game journalists and reviewers. a lot of them!
and like. dragon age: origins is really not a particularly good game compared to many of its contemporaries and i seriously do not understand the chokehold it has on people but that aside, since it was released we've had so many incredible and amazing crpgs that featured outstanding writing, game design, art direction, music, voice acting, etc. the pillars of eternity duology, underrail, the wasteland series, tyranny, atom, the shadowrun trilogy, the pathfinder duology, even the fucking games larian made before this, the divinity: original sin duology are all doing what bg3 did, and often better than bg3 does it. and that's not even getting into the many, many games that came out before either that still hold up as masterpieces that leave both bg3 and da:o in the dust like planescape: torment or fallout 1 and 2!
in fact, it's really easy to compare larian's previous game, divinity: original sin 2, to baldur's gate 3 because they are incredibly similar in many ways down to the inciting incident being almost a 1 to 1 copy (you wake up captured on a ship and realize you've been shackled in a way thay suppresses your powers and harms you and the first act is dedicated to finding others who this has happened to and getting rid of it). except that dos2 handles a lot of the things bg3 also contains a lot better, like e.g. companion story progression. (it's absolutely baffling to have story progression tied to rests especially when the game goes out of its way to instill fake urgency in the player that can very easily lead to them avoiding rests and makes especially many early game moments permanently missable if you don't happen to rest enough times at the right time. my karlach romance got bricked in my first playthrough for this reason. also compounding this is the fact that even on tactician the game is so easy that you can go ages without needing to rest organically.)
dos2 also unquestionably has the better combat experience because the system was designed specifically for the game and around the games capabilities and limitations, whereas bg3 had to contend with trying to make d&d 5e work in a video game format when that's patently not what it was designed for. the amount of changes larian had to make to the ruleset to make 5e work for a video game should have been a sign that using 5e was probably just not a good choice. (and ftr i felt the same about the game solasta which also uses 5e.) and even with the rule changes and the way larian went out of its way to buff the extremely underwhelming and underperforming 5e martials, character building and progression is still nowhere near as versatile and exciting as it was in dos2 or other crpgs and you still have a lot of empty level ups or repetitive gameplay because you can only put so many rhine stones on a turd.
let me be clear: i don't think bg3 is a bad game. again, i liked it! i think it has some instances of really good writing (mainly in companion narratives and side stories imo, the main story is underwhelming as whole). the voice acting performances are fantastic. larian tried their best to make non-linear problem solving possible in a lot of places which is neat (but also makes the lack of them in other places really obvious and more annoying than it otherwise would have been tbh lol.)
i just hate the way that bg3 is treated like some sort of gold standard when it stands on the shoulders of predecessors who are just as good, if not better, but who get ignored because they don't have fully mocapped and voice acted character models or a 3D camera. there seems to be this complete reticence from so many people to play games that still utilize things like an isometric pov, despite the fact that the games which do so are designed around this. e.g. pillars of eternity and the shadowrun games are some of the most beautiful, artistically impressive rpgs i have ever played and make full use of the isometric perspective in its fullest to create absolutely stunning environmental design which wouldn't have been possible with a rotating camera. just because a technology is older doesn't mean it is worse! people absolutely should get out of their comfort zone more because they are missing out on so many gems otherwise.
also re: bg3 winning game of the year specifically: look, here's why this gets me so tilted. on release? vast swathes of the game were legitimately unplayable. act 1 was mostly alright because it had 5 years to cook in early release with constant community feedback and bug reporting. this was absolutely not true for act 2 and 3. act 3 in particular was legitimately just not working for me (and multiple of my friends). i have a soupy gaming PC that can play other contemporary games on ultra settings just fine, and yet i got as few as 2 FPS and frankly ludicrous amount of stuttering and lag on even the lowest settings while my poor CPU sounded like she was preparing for space flight. it's clear that they just did not optimize later acts at all. they did eventually fix the memory leak issue somewhat in later patches, but the performance in act 3 is still markedly much worse than the rest of the game. (also why the fuck is it like 200GB good fucking g-d learn to compress your shit larian!) and that's not even getting into how many quests were bugged and as a result not able to be completed.
in summary: i paid 60 bucks for something that released in an unfinished state that put my hardware at risk. i spent a lot of money on a game i was unable to complete in the state that i bought it in and that took several months to get to an actually playable state for many people. that is not fucking acceptable.
i am willing to cut larian a lot more slack than i would say, e.g. bethesda, on releasing buggy and poorly optimized games. which is why i was willing to patiently wait for a performance patch to replay it. i am not, however, willing to accept handing something that was patently not finished and did not give customers the product they paid for an award for game of the year.
that's a symptom of an industry that has gotten too fucking comfortable releasing unfinished games and putting the onus of bug detection and quality testing on its paying userbase. that's not my job! i paid for this because i expect a product that has already successfully underwent this process! but apparently games these days don't need to bother with that anymore because it doesn't matter if it's playable on release or not, they can still get a coveted industry award for it anyway.
tl;dr: bg3 is literally fine but i am begging everyone on my hands and knees to broaden their horizons and also the things we deem to be acceptable from gaming companies nowadays are shocking. ok. i'm done. sorry.
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hypersomniagame · 6 months
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HYPERSOMNIA MARCH DEV LOG : "If you have love in your heart"
Hi! For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, you should already know what the gist is here, but for those of you who are new, or just new to our tumblr, let me fill you in!
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For 2024, I am trying to release a dev log about HYPERSOMNIA once a month, may come earlier, may come a little late, but I'm doing this to help give insight on to how the game is going, and to give me motivation to work on the game.
First things first, sorry about the incomplete drawing for this month's log. I've been sitting on this drawing for months and haven't touched it, and I needed a drawing for this months log so I thought "Eh, what the hell."
For this month, things have been a bit up and down, I've been focusing on more smaller stuff in engine this month, and bigger stuff outside of engine. So there's not a lot that's been added but there is new stuff that I'd like to share. :)
I'd like to start with the smaller stuff first, since I feel like most logs I've started with the bigger stuff and kinda run out of steam by the end. So it'll be along the lines of "Small in-engine stuff > Big in-engine stuff > News/closing thoughts".
NOW LET'S GET TO THOSE UPDATES!
Lots of menu work has been done this month, which isn't very exciting sounding but it's nice to be getting this stuff over with.
HYPERSOMNIA has a smaller resolution than RPG Maker MV's default, and the thing about that is a lot of content in menus doesn't scale accordingly, leaving stuff to get cut off and preventing the player from accessing information.
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One of the things I've had to do is get the player's HP and HS to appear on the status screen. These usually appear on the main menu of the game, but since I use an alternate menu for screen space, they had to be relocated. (courtesy of SundialShark, I'm not familiar with JS so they've been a super big help with certain things in the game.)
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The game's title screen also saw a slight improvement, I found a plugin that replaces the windowed options on the title screen with pictures, making them more customized. The title screen artwork itself will be revised later, as I whipped it up as a placeholder.
Also, do you remember last month's dev log? Specifically, the part of it where I talked about the equip menu in battle? Well shortly after writing that dev log, it was finished!
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This works how you'd expect it to, you can equip/unequip eyes and give them to other party members. The only drawback to this is that touchscreen isn't fully supported I've been told, which is fine since this is a game intended for PC. It does work with controller though which is nice.
Speaking of battles, I've been working on special attack animations! I have the main 4's offense animations done.
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My personal favourite is Jack's. Everyone else does it all cool but Jack aims like he's holding a gun which is cooler. I'll probably touch up Ross' animation, since it looks kinda weird to me. I think his head might be too small.
Also, would you believe me if I told you that isn't all the battle stuff that was done this month? This is where that "Big in-engine" stuff kicks in.
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THE BACKGROUND SYSTEM HAS BEEN IMPROVED! (ALONG WITH ME DESIGNING SOME NEW ENEMIES!)
This took a bit of time to configure, but I replaced the old background system for a new one
(Which was originally set up with my buddy Majimjam of HYADES, awesome game that has a demo out RIGHT NOW!)
With Jengamon's EarthBound Backgrounds plugin, it's been really fun to just toy with it and see what I can make. I would try and run down how this works, but the funny thing is I don't even know how this works. Or, at least in full anyways. I know how to configure it and set up new presets for enemies.
That's pretty much all the in-engine stuff I've done this month, but I'm not out of stuff to talk about yet.
First, I recently wrote a thread on the RPG Maker Forums about HYPERSOMNIA, which you can read here!
Secondly, some of you might've seen this already but I decided to cut FIREBALL from the game's soundtrack fully.
There were a multitude of reasons as to why, but the biggest one is I just don't feel like FIREBALL fits HYPERSOMNIA anymore. The vision has shifted since 2021 and I feel like music for battles could reflect it better, so FIREBALL was scrapped.
The song was uploaded to my personal YouTube channel though, so you can still listen to it here.
Third, THE NEW TRAILER IS ALMOST DONE!
There's still a few things that need to be touched up, but the music and footage is all fully recorded! All that's left to do is throw it in the editor and refine it until it's finished.
I'm very proud of this trailer so far, and I think it'll blow every other trailer I've made out of the water. My goal for this trailer was to improve the editing and I think that's definitely one of the highlights for this trailer.
I'd really like to post a quick sneak peak, but everything about this trailer I feel will be such a surprise that I don't want to spoil it. You'll just have to wait for the Mother Direct!
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And that's it for this month! Slow but steady progress is how I'd sum up March. I'm definitely looking forward to the future. Mostly because I'm going to a restaurant with family later today, but next month will have more in store. Like my birthday! Big things coming.
Thanks for reading to the end of the dev log, same as always, these are fun to write. I appreciate you reading them!
If this is your first log you're reading, or even your first time seeing ANYTHING relating to HYPERSOMNIA, I got a whole bunch of links for you to check out if you wanna know more about me and my stupid little game.
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bryce-bucher · 2 years
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Basidia Post #2
Menuz:
A lot of work put into Basidia goes into the various menus and ui elements. I'm sorry if it's not terribly interesting, but for the past two weeks its basically all I've been looking at. More specifically, I've been working on a door lock system and a bomber's notebook style journal.
Lock System:
The Winds of Basidia is a time-loop game, and, as such, Modus and I have put a lot of thought into how we want to allow players to take knowledge they've gained into a subsequent loop and do things faster next time. One of the things we came up with was a lock system. The idea is that the player will go through some questline to learn the combination to a lock, and then on the next loop they can just skip the quest and go directly to the lock with the combo they've recorded. For the actual design of the lock, we came up with a marble turning system somewhat inspired by various Myst and Riven puzzles. There are four marbles placed on a comet-shaped bit of blue marble that can be turned in 4 different orientations. The comet-shape has cultural significance with ties to the Basidia church, but I'll likely go into more detail about that another time.
Reminder Screen:
The journal is made up of two sections: the reminder screen, and the locks screen. This menu is a feature I've been very excited to implement, and as of today the "reminders" section is nearly complete. The locks screen will be used to manually write down any lock combinations the player comes across, but I haven't gotten started on it yet. The reminders screen allows players to scroll through a list of discovered locations and manually place little reminder icons on a timeline that goes through the three days that the game takes place in. That's basically it. Despite my excitement I have a hard time finding things to talk about with this menu. I just really love it when games put the onus on the player to keep track of all the things they have to do, and I also love it when games give the player little tools and interfaces to do with what they will. In a way, I think that (for a lot of genres) the closer a game plays to an operating system, the better. I am really happy with how the visuals for this screen came out, and I think that coming up with and adding in new little icons to represent things the player might want to make note of will be fun.
Conclusion:
I find it really hard to make quick progress on menus because working on them is kind of a slog, so I hope they are more interesting to learn about than they are to make. Despite how grueling the process is, I'm always really excited when progress gets made on them, and it genuinely pains me to see how many modern games put so little thought into how they can spice up menus and UI from an aesthetic perspective. Modus and I are both pretty passionate about vibin' UIs, and it's been nice for us to put some nice ones together for this game. I think it's something people should try to have the most fun with as they can, and I absolutely do not encourage anyone to think of menus as something that needs to be purely mechanical first and foremost. For the next two weeks I'm gonna be working on Midwest Lost (my souls-like that takes place in the american midwest), and I am gonna have a lot of fun showing that one off, so see ya then. Oh yeah, maybe I should also mention Modus and I are both working on making personal websites, so maybe you'll hear more about that in the future.
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sm1l3b0t · 6 months
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Orv ask game with a twist! (5) And (6) but also a personal question. What's your most KDJ moment while reading the series?
hello!!! ask game with a twist you say......
5. if you could ask the authors any question, what would you ask them?
id want to ask them what their plan for orv looked like when they first started writing it, and how that plan changed throughout publishing the chapters! so much of orv feels perfectly preplanned out and i want to know if they really knew how every part of orv was gonna go from the beginning, if they didn't how did they make such a coherent novel, whether there were any scenes where the characters/action just started running away from them, etc. i need to know their secrets for writing such a long and coherent book!
6. whats a headcanon i have that i absolutely believe is canon
i think kim dokja enjoys cooking and is pretty good at it! he didn't have a lot of money to buy ingredients very often, but i think considering how much he idolised yoo jonghyuk and how often in wos there were graphic descriptions of yoo jonghyuk cooking delicious meals specifically designed to make kim dokja hungry, i think he did try and cook when he could - and he was good! i believe he can follow a recipe book, and thats all you really need anyway. also, post epilogue yoo jonghyuk teaches him the secret ways of his super good cooking and kim dokja goes from pretty good to damn good. the kids always fight over who gets to eat his food :)
personal question!!! very exciting. whats my most kim dokja moment reading orv..........there are a lot of moments so its possible this one is just the most fresh in my brain right now but im gonna pick this one
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obviously i relate a lot to all of kim dokjas moments because he was designed in a lab to be incredibly relatable to whoever read orv. but i especially relate to this moment. again, obviously i rely heavily on fiction to escape the struggles of my day to day life and kim dokjas obsession with ways of survival is deeply relatable (i am in the orv fandom, kim dokja is my favourite character, we know, etc). 'i just feel steady when i look at this' is how i would describe my relationship to reading on the whole and orv especially, so that bit of dialogue especially.
what makes this moment more 'woah im literally kim dokja' than any of the other moments when he talks about needing to read to feel safe/steady/hope/etc is the hypocrisy of 'fuck the constellations for surviving off of others stories! not me tho im different than yall <3'. cause like. its orv doing a fun little meta tap dance. kim dokja hates the constellations and is one. you hate the constellations and are one. its a very intense feeling of. it may be too early for me to fully articulate this. we are all readers we are all reading a story to survive and we are all being fucking hypocrites about it! very fun to me didnt so much make me relate to kim dokja as punched me in the face and went YOU ARE KIM DOKJA
ok this was really long im so sorry BUT thank you for the ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love answering these so much :)) <3
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thesunshineriptide · 2 years
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Hi uh I was just wondering, I saw your requests were open and that you’ve written stuff with the ignihyde boys. Can you maybe write them with a gn or male reader who’s an amputee? If not that’s ok :3 I love the stuff I’ve read so thanks in advance if you do write this :3
Hey! I’m super pumped to do this request because first of all, I love the Ignihyde duo and second of all disability and disability aids are absolutely fascinating so I did a lil research becausnejdhgjdjfskhfdjsk cool. Took me a while to figure out what to do though. Also I decided to make the amputation specific to the left arm and left leg for consistencies sake. Also sorry for the delay!!
Ignihyde with an amputee reader
Characters: Idia, Ortho, reader
CW// disability, discussions of prosthetics, amputation, and psychological fallout (implied)
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- It would probably take a while before you and Idia become friends. You and Ortho, though? Right off the bat.
- Ortho will happily chatter to you about anything and everything, and often hovers nearby. If he spies you having a hard day with walking, he’ll grab a wheelchair and push you around for a bit while talking about the latest update to Minecraft
- Idia takes a little while longer to warm up (due to being Idia) but soon you’re trapped in Ignihyde playing games with him on the wii
- It’s a loooong while before disability comes up in conversation with him because he is the master of Not Bringing That Subject Up
- He understands the discomfort of being stared at for looking different and doesn’t want to make you feel that, especially since you’re friends
- He does bring it up though - it seems like your current prosthetic leg is beginning to fall apart and, yknow, he has a lot of experience building body parts.
- He ends up spending a lot of time figuring out a lightweight but balanced Material that would work ideally for a prosthetic. This leads from one thing to another and then you’re invited to Ignihyde to try some stuff out
- He hadn’t really concentrated on prosthetics before, surprisingly, since his main goal was making Ortho, but now he’s focusing on how to streamline complex movements, particularly using Electromyography [source] and complex AI that can help predict and measure movements via sensitive receptors under synthetic skin, specifically for disabled/amputee individuals
- This leads to him enlisting your help, since you sparked the interest, and he want to help you out. So: new free prosthetic limbs specifically tailored to you (although with Idia’s creative flair) purely because your friends are literal geniuses
- Other than that, Idia and Ortho are good company. They’re happy to take a slower, more chill pace. Idia enjoys hanging out, playing games of any kind. He’s also content to sit and watch b movies with you while eating popcorn or candy
- Ortho enjoys hanging out and doodling. He doesn’t often get into arts - lots of wet things he probably shouldn’t play with, or messes, etc - but he does enjoy drawing and is happy to sit with you and do so.
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Idia sits beside you, shoveling sour candy into his mouth by the fistful as he watches fnaf security breach play throughs next to you, mumbling about inaccuracies of robotic engineering in the character design and how buggy the stupid game is.
“Idia?”
“Hmm?” He finally turns his attention to you, blinking, “What’s up?”
You shift a little closer to him, resting on his shoulder. He tenses for a second, then settles back down. “bad day.”
He adjusts and quietly quits his game (there’s not a pause button, unfortunately) before turning more attention to you.
“Have some NPCs been bothering you? Or is it the debuff?”
“Debuff.” You said quietly, closing your eyes, “Psychological damage, down ten hp per second.”
“That’s not good.” Idia said, awkwardly patting your head, “Any boosts I can give you, or do you just need to wait out the effects?”
You hum slightly, “Wait it out. Can’t really help anything in my head, yknow?”
Ortho chirped slightly from the doorway, floating into the room. He then landed in front of you and crouched down, “Y/n? Would you like to play something?”
“Not right now, Ortho.” You said tiredly, “I’m kinda…sick at the moment.”
Ortho blinked before his yellow eyes emitted a soft light.
“Scanning for abnormalities in biological settings…” He stood up, staring down, “Scan complete. Neurological functionings indicate an uptick in adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine, and a lack of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. It appears you are going through psychological distress, or potentially depression.”
You nod slightly and Idia frowns from beside you, but says nothing.
“I’m not doing great right now, no. I just need a minute to chill. I’ll be alright.”
The brothers exchange a look before Ortho sits down beside you and Idia quietly turns on Animal Crossing: New Horizons to play. They both know it’s best to let you have a moment to collect yourself, that if you want to share it you will, and if not, then company is appreciated. Idia’s left side is trapped by you leaning on it, so he only plays with on hand (slowly) while Ortho, on your other side, quietly begins researching cool bugs.
It’s pleasant, actually. To not be coddled or pitied, and instead simply allowed space near people you care about. Idia doesn’t push - lord knows there’s things he’d rather not talk about - and Ortho simply adores you, so he’s content to sit beside you quietly.
After a while you sit back up, blinking sleepily. With a yawn and a stretch, Idia’s attention turns back to you.
“Tired?”
You nod slightly, humming under your breath.
“Yeah, I get that. Do you wanna lay in bed, or do you wanna go back to your place?”
“I can walk you back if that would help, Y/N L/N!” Ortho says, “But you’re invited to stay over as well.”
“Can I…stay?” You look between the two.
Idia grins, faux mischief, “Muah hah haha ha! You’ve fallen into my sinister trap - the bed! Now you will never escape the underworld! Ha ha ha ha ha!”
You laugh a little as Ortho helps you over to the bed. “Oh no, whatever will I do? You’re too OP for me!”
Idia grins stupidly and turns off some of the major lights, as well as turning down the brightness of his monitor.
You hum slightly and settle into Idia’s bed, asking, “Are you sure this is alright?”
“I rarely use it except to dramatically mope in, so you’re good.”
Idia smiles at you and gives you a nervous thumbs up before turning back to his silent gaming, allowing you to fall asleep to the sound of animal crossing background music playing faintly across the room and the hum of Ortho’s resting station.
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bagel-boy-sama · 1 year
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Astarion Baldurs Gate 3 Isn't A TumblrSexyMan™, He's Just A SexyMan™
I've seen a large number of people, most of whom are in the Astarion Disliker/"I don't get it" camp most who are not on this particular hell site, cite Astarion as Tumblr's latest sexyman. Today, I will be explaining why I do not believe that to be the case. That instead, as the title states, he's just a sexyman.
No real knowledge of the hell site is required, I'll explain things for the new people.
Setting The Definitions
First, definitions because this is now Intro to Writing and Rhetoric. A sexyman would be anyone, usually masc or a man, who is concidered sexy by a wide range of people. Fascinating.
A Tumblr Sexyman, on the other hand, is a thing - usually fictional entity - that is incredibly popular on Tumblr.com to the degree it escapes it's fandom sometimes, in the most extreme of cases, becoming far more popular than it's original fandom. It is characterized by a few major characteristics. Ranging from Twinkism* (be it the character or fan interpretation), generally unconventionally/perceived to be unconventionally attractive in a non physical sense (character traits that wouldn't otherwise be desirable, like absurd behavior or generally evilness), to impeccable drip (either in the original media/design, or done by fans in fanart).
*note: Twinkism (which I did just throw in on the spot this is entirely bullshit for my own amusement) is the phenomenon of skinny, young looking, pretty/feminine white boys who are within media. This is different from twinks, who are understood to be young and skinny - being pretty, popular, or white is not connected. All those who participate in Twinkism are Twinks, but not all Twinks participate in Twinkism.
Does Astarion Baldurs Gate 3 Fit The Definition?
First rule: must be at least a twink. Is he?
No. Yes. Kinda. In a way. Many people would describe Astarion as someone who's gone through "Twink Death". No this is not because he's literally undead. Twink Death, in it's simplest form, is when a twink no longer looks young and/or feminine. Astarion has aged. His crows feet and laugh lines, while beautiful, do not make him look 18. For some this would disqualify him from being a Twink. So perhaps he has failed at the first step.
I, however, am not satisfied with that. Moving on, is Astarion - or would Astarion - actually be considered conventionally unattractive in any way that is disconnected from his appearance? I argue no. Vampires are considered very well, normal to lust after. They're right below succubus on the "This isn't considered weird to find attractive" scale. You aren't romancing The Emperor here. Outside of that he's well groomed, shown to be muscular in game (headcanon does often disagree and while I wish it was true we are working with facts for this specific discussion), and an elf. In personality, while not for everyone, he's the pretty standard fruity sarcastic gay who's a bit selfish. We all know a fruity sarcastic gay who's a bit selfish, and they get laid. So it can't be considered that bad. Probably.
I feel important to note here that I am aroace and have no idea what I'm talking about right now. This is an educated guess.
Astarion has lost now, two for two. He's barely a twink, even going off of his model he's more a twunk. He definitely doesn't fit the Twinkism phenomenon. He's not weird to find attractive, I assume, so what else is there? His drip? I'm sorry, but his base outfit is a bit well Goofy to say the least. Much fanart leaves him in this outfit or a simpler version because drawing ruffles is enough to make anyone want to willingly jump headfirst into the underdark, so he fails the drip test as well.
His final hurtle: is his popularity Tumblr™. In this context Tumblr™ is different from Tumblr. Tumblr™ is the fandom side, where a sexyman would flourish and find their own fandom. Importantly, this fandom needs to be very insular to the site. It's a *Tumblr* sexyman after all. So that begs the question, is Astarion highly liked by mostly or purely Tumblr people/those who have the vibes of a Tumblr user? No.
Astarion is well loved by many people of various vibes. He has affected (previously) straight men on Reddit. Few can escape him and his 10 charisma.
Conclusion
Astarion is just a sexyman. He's just a fictional character that many think is neat and attractive for a variety of reasons. He's the Ryan Reynolds of crpgs. He's some dude, who's generally considered attractive by a lot of people who you both would and wouldn't expect to find him attractive.
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blackstarchanx3new · 9 months
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Creations AU, But I obnoxiously over explain it PT 11
Pages 301-330
Again thanks to @akdrawsandwrites for helping with some of these pages, I can't remember which but I recognize a few of them as theirs. X'D They did a great job lining and coloring a few of these. Apricate it immensely.
We hitting end game what I have page wise guys.
Thanks for baring with my nonsense. I hope to finish the FNAF 1 arc. But I will post the other side comics and long winded explanations of those. X'D Hope you've enjoyed Creations so far! It was a labor of love because I love FNAF. A lot...
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Can I just say I like Freddy and Mike's dynamic.
I like Freddy a lot in Creations because he's like, so NOT fannon Freddy in all the ways that hits me in the "Aww yeah that's good shit" way. X'D
He's a flamboyant full of gender slut that is scared of ghosts despite BEING A POSSESSED ROBOT lmfao. His design just hits my brain in a nice way too. He's so cute.
He gives sassy drag queen vibes and I like him.
I am not really a fan of fannon Freddy unless it's like super specific circumstances.
I'm going to dip into "I hate this trope" territory but keep in mind you are not obligated to write around my preferences. Or even force yours to fit mine. That'd be dumb. Write what makes you happy I'm just talking about shit I don't enjoy personally.
Bitch mode activated:
If you're going with him being possessed by a child, which a LOT of people do to stay cannon it makes ZERO sense for him to be a sensible leader type unless you like GIVE HIM A REASON? Which most people don't. Most people also make him a bitch which I hate.(And not in a campy gay bitch way like Creations Freddy that makes the queer part of me laugh and relate to) I'm not sure I understand the idea of making Freddy so damn unlikable in a story based on the franchise ABOUT HIM??? Like...It's so fucking overdone I'm sorry lmfao be a bit more damn creative. Don't be lazy? Give him a damn personality outside of "Cunt for no reason with a stick up his ass" like? Idk? Be FUN with him! Does he feel the NEED to be the leader because he's designed that way by the company? Does the stress EAT at him? If you DO go the route of making him posessed by a child: Did he feel the need to grow up and act more adult. How often does he fail at this task? What are the consequences? People's bad writing makes me think of reasons for him that aren't in the text 99% of the damn time. Quite frankly: I am not a fan of popular fnaf comics. Like any of them. X'D They feel really soul-less a lot of the time in a way I can't quite describe...
A lot of the creators hate working on them, hate their fanbase and hate the games past a certain point so that's probs why lmfao. I've gotten pissed at the fans on Webtoon, and gotten pissed at how much of a slog some scenes and I've considered quitting once or twice, but never cause I hated the actual games, or the comic and story of Creations, just cause some scenes are annoying to work on from a writer's perspective or cause people misinterpreted the story so bad they had no clue what was going on. I fucking love FNAF and wanted to make a fan story that you could tell came from a place of love.
Here's some pitfalls to avoid:
Don't start hating your own characters. It will hurt your writing. I've noticed LOTS of FNAF comic makers start to hate their own damn characters. PUT. THE. COMIC. DOWN. I AM SERIOUS.
If you start to despise your own work. STOP. TAKE A BREAK. REFELCT. Maybe it won't be PERMINENT but until you can sort out what your deal is STOP.
You are doing NO ONE favors by continuing to the point you start actively shit talking everyone and everything that comes into contact with this story that way.
If you noticed: I STARTED FALLING INTO THAT SHIT. OH GOD BLACKSTAR HAS FLAWS! O.O
Me doing THIS, talking about how I love my own comic appreciating how much time and work I put into it: all the goofy fun stuff I put in as easter eggs the characters ex, was a way to reinvent my feelings towards this comic because I WANT TO FINISH IT and it's helped a lot. FIND JOY IN THE PROCESS OF CREATION. ;)
If you aren't liking FNAF as much as you used too: Literally just go back and watch smth you liked about it before. The ruin DLC sparked my shit back into gear, watching old lets plays and listening to fan music also helped. Just. Idk. Engage with the thing you're making a damn comic about? Like, find out what you loved to begin with.
I have like 4+ comics I work on in rotation when I'm not in the mood to work on one. Variety helps me too.
Another thing I'd advise against: Don't make a big diaper baby blow out scene about "Leaving" a fanbase. It's fucking embarrassing. If you don't feel the spark, you don't feel it. That's FINE. As an autistic person: My interests change like a girl changes clothes.
But don't literally shit your pants and make a scene about it people will look back at you as the person who shat their pants in front of everyone and embarrassed themselves.
If you're asking yourself "Is star talking about X artist?" honey I'm talking about at least 4 different ones I've seen do this exact thing and I got second hand embarrassment every time. If you resent the popularity you got from certain fanbases: I'm sorry the best thing to do is move on. Yes. Again I speak from experience. (Not FNAF, but a different fanbase)
If you don't get as much recognition on your OG works: Tough shit I'm sorry that's how it is. As someone who does OC comics I've accepted "Some people just won't read this cause FNAF isn't attached, and that's okay. I am the same way. You cannot expect people to love everything you create"
As a child/teen, watching actual adults do this shit made me the person I am today but deciding: "Nah that's dumb, I am getting second hand embarrassment and I am not behaving that way"
Childishness is something big artists need to learn is a problem before they get big. Temper tantrums aren't a cute look for anyone.
It's okay to get in over your head with shit. Just try to be calm about things here's things that overtime I've learned help me cope with huge projects:
They're meant to be fun. If you aren't having fun: Figure out why and change it. You aren't obligated to finish them. You can always come back. Another reason to not "shit your pants" as I call it. People will love to see more from your comic if you put it down and come back. :) It's more embarrassing to shit your pants and then come back like you never did and try to keep going. Keep doors open if you would. My "Shit your pants" moment singlehandedly keeps me away from one fandom lmfao avoid it if you can. Try not to be a cunt about the thing that GOT you popular. You will look like a class act clown I guarantee it. If people don't understand your comic and that is causing frustration, I genuinely advise making a "Director's commentary" style thing like this. It's a lot of fun. X'D And it might give people perspective into your madness.
This doesn't help if you're just a control freak tho lmfao.
Anyways, enough of my blabbing about my history watching old fandom artists assassinate their own characters for all to see in the most embarrassing and violent fashion, and how that irreversibly changed me as a person, back to the actual damn comic.
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Interrupted. He has no respect for Mike.
So Freddy describes typical haunting behavior for ghosts. Smells and SOME people are spiritually inclined while some aren't. As we've seen Mike for example can't see ghosts unless they WANT him to see them.
Sammy apparently can see ghosts and is considered "Insane" we can kiiiinda see why from earlier. X'D
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It's safe to say Mike took that personally.
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Awkward.
Default to insults Freddy, it's okay we understand you're perfect- Freddy you stupid idiot you should have kept your mouth shut it's not nice to call mentally ill people "Freaks".
Mike REASONABLY asks if the ghosts are REAL and considering we know 1 is for certain Sammy's not "Bonkers" according to Freddy.
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Freddy just showing off his personality like usual.
Freddy he can't make eye contact. HE'S AUTISTIC.
Anyways even Freddy's noticed Sammy's eyes are weird.
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Okay funny thing: Freddy was going to make a dick sucking joke but none I came up with were very funny.
If I remember right one was smth like "You always sound like you just choked on a dick" or something like that??? Something this vulgar makes sense from Creations Freddy but I decided to tone it back a little. X'D I also felt it was very mean.
Freddy's mean enough as it is lmfao.
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Freddy stop sexualizing the night guard-
Uh oh-
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Your daily reminder Mike is short-
Freddy is the worst. But I love him.
Chica giving sass for that. She doesn't apear much but I like her.
Foxy got thanos snapped lmfao I had no idea what to do with him in this comic ngl. X'DDDDDDD
Maybe he'll show up later...Maybe.
He showed up in the OG shitpost version of this comic and Bonnie sold him out for cigarettes.
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Our boys meet up once again. :)
Michael couldn't see him the previous day for whatever reason.
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PFF. JUST LIKE AN ANIME MAN!
Also Mike that's harassment...
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Lmfao. I don't remember exactly when I decided Mike was trans but I know it was FAILRY early on. Not there were many references to it.
The fact color wise: he's a walking pride flag is kinda a clue I suppose. X'D
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Oh mah goodness. Oh my damn. It's the other Freddy.
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HAHA OH WHAT MIKE?
Well shit there's a TON of victims then.
Bonnie. Your buddy is a murderer-
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Hehehe yeah but you're also a short king buddy-
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Hahaha. So this thing eats children nice to know.
Mike being a smart boy like usual.
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Hehe. Face plates. :)
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Mike doesn't wanna be around this thing, and I can't blame him. Also I find it genuinely hilarious how half the panels in some of these pages are drawn by me, and half are drawn by AK.
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We get into pages I can't be bothered to color the remaining pages are colored kinda randomly. Funtime Freddy as you can probebly tell is ANNOYING to color. He has SO MANY COLORS it got very overwhelming trying to color him. I'm sorry but that's how it is lmfao. X'D I wanna be done with the FNAF 1 arc:
Cool thing tho, if I ever want to color em the characters are white so I can just slap a multiply layer on and go brrrr with color.
Anyways, they both decide to leave at the same time.
I'm sure nothing will come of this. :)
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Hehehhehehe he knows something....
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OH GOD.
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Oh fuck. Mike got vored.
I'm sorry I have to make this joke, vore is terrible and I hate it I've made that very well known and joking about how much I despise it is how I cope.
Having said that: I love the stomach hatch idea/being trapped inside an animatronic.
It's like the Springlock mechanic taken to the next level lmfao. Complete and utter hopelessness on the end of the person inside, claustrophobia, IMANENT DEATH, IT'S HORRIFYING AND I LOVE IT. >:)
A+ Horror idea.
OBVIOUSLY: this is based on COUNT THE WAYS from the 1st Fazbear's Fright novels.
Can I just say, Luring and trapping people this way is so fucking creative I LOVE THE SL ROBOTS. Like, it's just so cool of an idea because it already kinda plays off the idea from FNAF 1 that there's children STUFFED inside the FNAF 1 robots. (As a way to hide them)
but SL robots do that, but TRANSPORT said children/use their chambers to KILL said children and harvest remnant. THAT IS SO DARKLY AWESOME.
IK we're all hyping up the MIMIC and it's ability to copy people's voices but uh: FUNTIME FOXY DID THAT SHIT FIRST FROM THEIR BLUEPRINTS.
I'm sad to this DAY people don't use Funtime Foxy's voice mimic mechanic in fan content. THAT'S AWESOME.
I like the trap mechanic and how it's used again for the twisted ones. It's such a great idea to make a robot that's friendly on the outside but is basically a fucking iron maiden on the inside. Like DAMN. THAT GOES SO HARD!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! :D
Also all the short jokes have a purpose: Mike's small enough to fit inside Funtime Freddy. Because he's built to capture kids.
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Something I worry about with Funtime Freddy:
He is a FAN FAVORITE In Creations. Like. People like him. A LOT.
I made a lot of side comics with him and Bon Bon. Where Bon Bon is his emotional support bunny rabbit. People really liked that. Because Funtime Freddy was showing relatable autistic behavior (He struggles with shit I do lmao.)
I'm worried about 'Ruining' his character for people hah.
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He's a butt-
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GUESS WHO GOT RE-ENVIGORATED TO DRAW PAGES.
Me. After the movie.
Mike's having a harder time keeping his composure.
I feel like the reason is obvious: SL robots are literally only built to kill people, he's in the most dangerous part of the building, and Funtime Freddy's a wacko.
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Haha. Word play. Funtime Freddy did not detect the albeit minimal exaggeration in what Bonnie said. Poor dude.
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Haha will to live.
Funtime Freddy's out for blood.
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More confirmation who our villain is.
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So if you're not a Creations AU veteran, Funtime Freddy is just easily swayed by someone calming him down.
Mike's pretty good at faking shit.
Bon Bon isn't here rn, so Mike's taking on the role of "Calm the giant anxious bear down"
WE HAVE ALSO REACHED IMAGE CAP. SO WE WILL CAAAAARRYYYY OOOOOON-
Ending note: watched the FNAF movie again last night.
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yawnderu · 6 months
Note
I am so sorry about this, but you have opened a floodgate, and you are going to get so many more ramblings off of me
With the topic of skins, it would be really interesting to see what people can come up with, as I know that since KorTac is a PMC they have less strict rules around the uniform compared to something like Taskforce 141, so skins will be able to balance that out. Plus skins can be used in so many ways to even show relationships between characters and to show the character's personality. We have already seen in-game characters wear glorified fursuits, but what if people choose a specific animal for their OC as that animal represents the OC's personality. Or, for religious OCs, they could have religious inspired skin; e.g. for a Catholic OC could have a skin based on Angels where they themselves are an Angel. Or, a skin could be used to subtly convey the OC's backstory without it being directly stated, with a skin being inspired by something like Medusa. Or, a skin could be used to convey the OC's background as it could be very interesting to see a K-9 handler from Taskforce 141 have a skin with their dog or dogs based on a wild hunt that the Fae had. Or, OCs could have opposing skins with a character to represent how they do not like each other and are enemies; I will just use one of my OCs as an example, as he has a dislike for König, who hates him as much back, and I was thinking to represent that he would have a skin based on a deer but a "cursed" one as I was raised with stories about wrong deers, this skin would be in reference to König's The Wolf skin as wolves hunt deers which shows how the OC seems like he would be weak against König, but the horror aspects show that no unlike what it seems he can hold his own
Also, you mentioning casual clothing reminded me of the Senpai Ghost skin, and it would be very fun to see more characters and OCs in casual clothing as it shows what they are like in a none military setting
And with the point of accessories, they could wear or add them to their weapon(s) and that could add so much personality. Someone like Stray could wear a small spider charm as a reference to König, who, in return, wears a small cat charm as he found Stray like she was some kind of stray cat that needed a home. I know for another OC of mine, I wanted to add a kingfisher onto his design somewhere as a way to show his allegiance to Makarov and how he basically belongs to the terrorist as one of Makarov's aliases was Kingfish, and kingfisher sounds extremely close to it without directly saying "Looky here I belong Makarov!" and because kingfish are ugly
Plus, it would be so fun to see OCs with specialised voice lines based on whether they killed a specific character they like or hate. I always hated that we never got that in multiplayer, as I would love to see Ghost say something about revenge for Soap when killing Makarov. Or, OCs saying lines that are based on their beliefs that you would expect them to say to others if they were in the campaign. Or, lines they would say to another character or something they would say to other characters about said character. Using the OC I used as an example in the skins, a lot of his voice lines relating to König would be insults as those two are known at KorTac for always poking jabs at one another and when I write about things relating to the two I always make sure I add that (like when König talked about being both Austrian and German, as I headcanon his mutter is Austrian while his father is German, my OC's reply was "Hahe, what are we going to find out next? That you were rejected from art school before you decided to join?" because he has the autistic issue of having absolutely no filter)
Now, I want to finish my OCs' biographies by Saturday, as you have given me so much motivation, and then I could post the trend ideas since I now want to hear about Stray's or K-9's skins and what voice lines they would have
Sorry about how long this was but you have given me so many ideas and I now want to just ramble about it
U scratch a part of my autistic brain SO fucking much omg I love it
YESYES!! MW3 especially has started going all out with the skins, I have bought so many skin and gun bundles simply because they're pretty, one of my proudest buys have been Senpai Ghost and that decora girl, besides all the anime guns BNGRHJBFFE
Ahhh yes!! I think the MW universe has a lot of potential when it comes to creating many different OCs and even wilder skins now that the multi-player doesn't care about being an accurate representation of war, I'd love to see more stuff like that :3
Accessories are so nice!! Charms or gun buddies would be such a cool concept that adds A LOT of personality to the characters and even OCs, and like you said, it could also be used as a subtle way of knowing more about the character's relationships or allegiances with others.
THE HITLER JAB IS KILLING ME 😭😭😭 it's so blunt, I absolutely love it jkefhjbef YEAH!! I truly wish we got to see more about character's relationships based on voice lines, the same way we get to know A LOT about their personalities and speech patterns. Bit of a nerd ramble, but I absolutely love the way Simon says ''bastard'' a lot, and how calm he is even when he's bleeding out, it's one of my favorite parts about playing him, that ''stay with it... it's nothing...'' voice line when he's about to die and sounds so out of breath makes me fawn every single time, he's such a level-headed soldier.<3
Ohhhh I'm happy to heart that I've inspired you!! <3
OH?? 👀
K-9 is more of a chill and lowkey soldier while on the field, only using SAS-provided uniform, I don't really see her using anything extra despite the fact that she does wear a white coat and regular civilian clothes when she's in base. She gets to go all out when she's not deployed, more of a corporate goth.
Her voice lines definitely would include A LOT of sass and you can tell she's done with everything and everyone, especially the 141 lads despite the fact that she actually enjoys working with them, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Stray... well, if we're going based on the fact that MW3 skins are more wild and less accurate to war, she'd definitely wear something that shows off her arms and stomach, simply because she's proud of all the hard work she puts to make her body strong. I can also see her using something like Ela's elite skin, from R6, though I can also see her wearing something similar to Kali's elite skin! Voice lines would definitely be cocky, very similar to König but even more mocking rather than arrogant. She's one hell of a soldier and she knows it, though being in a hyper-masculine environment for pretty much her entire youth made her even more confident, mocking other soldiers for being taken down by ''a little girl''— something that was used by other soldiers to try and put her down.
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Childrick of Mort has got to be one of the worst episodes of Rick and Morty, solely because of the choppy character writing. This level of writing rarely appears, with the only example of this inconsistency I can think of being ‘Vindicators 3’ (sorry to any fans of that episode) It seems like to get Rick and Beth development (and even Jerry development), we had to give up any semblance of Summer and Morty’s character
Summer HAS been cynical to Jerry before, but she is so cynical for no reason in this episode. Meanwhile, Morty is reduced to a spineless child who only cares about gaming
A few notes I can give this episode
I actually didn’t mind Jerry. I’m not the type to completely hate him, but the problem is how they have to alter everyone else’s character
Beth squealing was also a cute note
The design of the little Rick and Gaia kids was also something small I liked
Overall, I did like Beth and Rick in this episode, but the pacing of this whole episode was extremely quick for my liking. Plus, I liked how they acted more in the first half. The second half feels so discordant and all over the place
The fight Rick has with…a literal god, isn’t that bad. I actually liked that they cut the music, made it feel more awkward in a good way
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I will not just talk about Summer in this episode because they butchered Morty in this episode. Summer’s love for drugs and getting high is something I mentioned once, because they actually hinted at it in ‘Pickle Rick’. Any hate for her family is not connected to getting high, it’s something she merely wants to explore. As a result, basing herself around wanting to get drugs misses the whole point, especially when she goes off on Jerry because of it
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The fact Morty can’t simply reverse-engineer the ship or Summer didn’t help other than getting high was so…out of character. They’re actually smart characters who could stand there own when it comes to these kinds of situations. While Morty knows about these space adventures, Summer is perfect for surviving apocalyptic or similar events. That’s why she’s consistently good at them. Furthermore, these situations need her to be there for her family. Completely tearing apart other people does nothing for her or their survival
The only times that Summer also goes wild on Jerry is when he’s directly using her love for the family as a manipulation tactic. You can argue that Jerry did it here to make himself feel important, but this is a passive and consistent part of his character. This is unlike ‘Look Who’s Purging Now’, where he specifically uses memories from her childhood to make her give him money.
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The dialog is so on the nose that it’s counter-intuitive. If they just wanted Morty and Summer to be an afterthought, it really shows. Why bother at all when they both blurt out “Wow gaming/drugs are fun” or “This reminds me of my game/bong”.
Oh, and they just HAD to throw in one incest joke (two but I’m referring to one that Summer tells Morty). I was hoping I could call this the worst episode that doesn’t involve incest (because wow we have several to choose from), but since it’s not a plot theme, I might give it the title
Morty also seemed so meek and spineless, the way he also just wants to play games. Considering this is season 4, this feels like a trait that shouldn’t have popped up once more. At least with Summer we get hints that she loves smoking (Tricia’s bong ooo her future wife’s bong ooo) but again, it never gets in the way of family or is BECAUSE she hates her family. She doesn’t! That’s one thing the show keeps getting wrong when they write Summer. She loves her family because she’s the one who has to keep it together after nearly losing them from something she thought was HER fault (now that I think about it, that’s probably a trait that parallels Rick). She was just so pissy and quick to give up or give in, too. Where’s that version of Summer who’s tough as hell and wants to make sure everything goes right?
If this were more accurate, she would’ve reprise a role similar to GoTron, wherein she’d help out with building the city. Instead, that role goes to Beth. Morty also didn’t have any real traits. He’s just spouting science jargon sometimes which contradicts how he ends up acting
While writing this I also realized that Jerry consistently thrives in environments removed from usual societal norms or any structure. Curiously, he shares this with his dismantling apocalyptic daughter!
All in all, this episode is heavily weighed down by how they butcher Summer and Morty. It may not be the worst episode of the show, but it’s in my top fives. Quickly, my list for the worst in no particular order so far:
-Childrick of Mort
-Vindicators 3 (fucking awful pacing, basic character dynamics and conflict, some of the worst dialog ever written for Rick)
-Final DeSmithation (you know why.)
-Star Mort Rickturn of the Jerri (the second worst cold opening besides Rickdependence Spray, this episode felt pretty pointless and forgettable. This is the one episode whose season I cannot remember every time)
-Rickdependence Spray (you know why.)
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rottingraisins · 2 years
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Iris for the ask game?
HAHA YES!! This ones getting long sorry in advance
fav thing: shes such a succinct representation of the question at the core of a lot of foundation writing, which is whether maintaining the veil is really worth all of the harm that's done in the process, and rlly gets into where humanoids/sapient scps specifically fall in that discussion. chief among my fav iris interps is ofc the resurrection canon where as the lone survivor of omega-7, the one who didnt go rogue, she unwillingly becomes a sort of golden child of the emerging alpha-9 project , paraded around for her "loyalty" to the foundation while she doesnt even really want to be here in the first place. its good stuff!
least fav thing: resurrection is perpetually unfinished and very meandering, it loses track of iris pretty bad in act 2 even though to me her relationship to the foundation is easily the most compelling part of the canon. all her rlly interesting character potential is forever unresolved by the main res storyline not having updated in over 3 years and she lacks any like. standalone tales that ever hit in quite the same way i think
favorite line: I've spent the last seven years in a box. It's a fancy box, but it's not the real world. And then suddenly you need my help with something, I get dragged out and get to see the real world again, and… it feels like somewhere fictional. A movie set. The moon.
brOTP: Her and adams are rlly rlly fun and as a tragedy liker im ofc fascinated by the looming shadow of their work relationship (tav-666 being the cleanup crew in case alpha-9 goes rogue) hanging over their budding friendship. Also in the silly fluff timeline where kondraki lives i like to think shes very close to both him and draven
OTP: irismeri again... saddest girls in the world
nOTP: iris/able bad
random headcanon: ik its all i talk about but i have so many thoughts about iris presenting more butch coinciding with her like. finally reclaiming her personhood. i think bc of watching her 13 y/o comphet middle school boyfriend get straight up murdered in front of her and getting contained and functionally stripped of her identity beyond her scp designation right after shes got a lot of complicated feelings and latent guilt about any queer feelings she may or may not harbor and it takes until adams, an older wlw whos very confident in her own attraction to women that iris starts to Realize.
unpopular opinion: /
songs: one of two characters to have a designated playlist on my mobile phone actually. no reptiles everything everything, blindness metric, maybe sprout wings tmg are all on there
fav pic: this one its so simple yet so heartbreaking. I have it downloaded onto my computer
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