Tumgik
#sort your shit out google
dwarvenhobble · 10 months
Text
Why Google ads is making me consider ad blocking now.
Dear hypothetical google developer or executive reading this possibly because a developer or some-one else on break found it and it went up to the chain to you, I really have tried to be good and help support creators somewhat by keeping ads on and not blocking them with ad block. I don't mind some ads if it keeps the service free and gets people paid. What I do have issue with is what finally happened today. I had the 50th advert this week for one of those crappy mobile games and it was the normal crappy mobile game style of advert (the one where the hero has to fight enemies of the right level to level up, you know the ones). Now earlier this month I started getting these and it was fine for a bit, ok not had any of these for a while so I'll endure a few. Then it was more and more apparent they were AB tested adverts. For those who don't know AB testing is when companies put out a number of different adverts with minor changes then keep iterating to get the advert that gets most engagement (E.G. does having the character in red trousers Vs blue make a person more likely to click the advert). So after a few days I started blocking the adverts using google system to tell google I didn't want to see those ads anymore. But because they're AB tested ads I blocked the A ad so then got the B ad then got the iteration of the ad so got the C and D version. So I blocked them too. Then I got the E and F versions. This carried on until today. I got another ad, pressed to block it as not being interested and Google ads options wouldn't let me block the ad. That's right I've apparently blocked so many of these shitty mobile game AB testing ads Google won't let me block anymore so I can't escape them. Google you're meant to be one of the most advanced tech companies out there, how can you still not get what ads I actually want to see with all the data you've collected? I've even literally gone through the selector system to choose ad categories I'm most interested in and you still get it wrong. Why the hell should I be good and keep ad block off when even telling you what ads I want doesn't work and when I block ads using your own system it don't just results in more of the almost exact same ad for the same product but it results in you then stopping me blocking ads because I've blocked too many according to your system or some such crap. Sort your shit out.
Maybe ask people what ads they want, hell I'd love a selection of film trailers for movies big and small coming out but no I have to get 50+ crappy mobile game ads that are literally misrepresentative of the games themselves to begin with.
Yours sincerely, A person you've literally made consider turning his ad block back on for youtube.
0 notes
ordinarymothman · 1 year
Text
hey Google i'm pretty sure Nat "Turner's Rebellion" Turner did not graduate from fucking Georgia Tech
Tumblr media
1 note · View note
prolibytherium · 8 months
Text
Dialogue writing is the only thing that comes naturally to me, which kinda sucks but when I get stuck on plot points I write the characters talking about the current situation as an 'exercise' I guess and a lot of the time it's like they figure it out for me
10 notes · View notes
tumblezwei · 2 years
Text
Shoujo twitter is fun because every time someone comes along and starts shit-talking shoujo they'll be asked to name any shoujo they've actually read or know about. And always always always they'll include a series that isn't a shoujo just because it's romance and they don't even bother to look it up.
Like, the absolute confidence these people have when they list series like Hori/miya or Inu/yasha or Your L/ie in A/pril as shoujo, it's so funny. Just say you hate romance series and read something other than battle shounen published in Jump, I promise you'll feel better.
25 notes · View notes
toytulini · 1 year
Text
wish the little listicles and articles reccomending google alternatives didnt like, mention ios. like no offense but do you think i dont know what an iphone is. you think im looking into google alternatives but i dont know that apple exists? you really think that? if i was going to buy a fucking apple product id already be doing that?
#toy txt post#I think id rather try to brute force my brain to learn fuckinf. idk. coding shit than fuck w apple#idc they say theyre better about privacy lol i dont trust them either#also like lol better about privacy but they out here pioneering in the field of planned obsolescence and im not fucking with that OS sorry#i simply cannot#idk its just like. the article be like 5 NON GOOGLE GPS OPTIONS and i get all excited and its loke heres 4 kind of mediocre pain in the ass#obscure things you can try that require some sort of technical skill to install and have less convenient updated features than google. and#also apple maps. sorry have you heard about The Iphone(tm)? just making sure youre aware of one of the biggest non google tech companies#in case you somehow missed it??#like. sorry. what??#anyway. i really hope this goes without saying but this is Not the post for you to rave about How Cool Apple Is and How Much You Love Your#Apple Products and Why I Should Switch To Apple! good for you glad you like your shit make your own post and fuck off!#argh#anyway. currently thinkjng about l#buying another s7 off amazon and 1) making sure it works w my sim card before i do anything 2) fucking around and finding out#w one of those alternative OSs like uhhhh iodé or whatever on either the new s7 OR. my old one. idk. want to see if i can do it and make it#work. im sure itll be a huge pain in the ass and ill freak out and give up partway through or smth#need to look into how that interacts w like? my ohine service if at all?#also want to look into uhhh#trying to reinstall old versions of the samsung camera and gallery/photo editor apps on my newer device maybe just to see if i can pull it#off and have like a fully updated OS without switching to a camera i hate#and it would be cool to have whatever version of the photo editor pro i have on my s7 on my other devices cos it lets me do things i cant do#on these
2 notes · View notes
radellama · 3 months
Text
Picky but.. when watching a docco/docco style video, while it can be interesting to hear about how you ended up in contact with certain relevant people, or how there were plans to contact people that fell through, or that you couldn't get in contact with them... I hate when the filmmaker harps on and on about their 'investigative' process and try to dramatise it.
Sorry but. I don't really want a 15-20+ min detour of you lamenting over trying to get in contact with certain people when all that's happened is you sent an email and didn't get a reply.
#not gonna single out any particular vid but I'm reminded as I watch a docco style vid on YouTube about niche/lost anime#and i hate it every time. it's a self insertion of the filmmaker trying to make their efforts shown or signalling for attention and shit#and i get it!! there's a lot that goes unappreciated and unnoticed when you're making videos and such#but if you're presenting your videos in a documentary style that's one thing.. calling yourself a documentarian is another#it's amateurish and uninteresting!!! it's a complete detour and distraction when you're talking about yourself in this way#like.. sigh. nuance. i know I've personally enjoyed some doccos/docco style where we hear about the process as they present it#there ARE ways to make it interesting and keep it relevant#but when you're essentially whining that all your cursory Google searches and 'deep dives' into people's LinkedIn's and IMDb pages#isn't yeilding the response you want... SHUT UP PLEEEAAAASSSSEEEE#this is the kind of detail that makes it look amateurish (imo) and is probably making it harder for you to get in contact lol#ANYONE can go looking through a person's online presence. ANYONE can find an email or a phone number and try to get in contact#your whole thing as a docco maker is to do that work and curate it in an interesting and informative way so i don't have to lollll#like i know I'm being picky. there's plenty of awesome videos on YouTube made by YouTubers who have put effort in#but there's such a difference between the standard of professionalism and ethics when you're doing it on YouTube#it's not the only thing that frustrates me BUT it's one of the key things i notice that's indicative of the docco not being of quality#for what i want to view it for#it's especially frustrating to me when the topic is genuinely interesting and i want to see how you present it to me but you're wasting time#when you go on and on about yourself!!#there was one yt docco covering an artist and their body of work that i thought was interesting! but#they were already getting on my nerves even tho i stuck it out for a few hours... AND THEN THEY JUST TALKED ABOUT THEMSELVES#FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR AND I COULDN'T TAKE IT. I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU COMPARE YOUR AMATEURISH SHIT TO THIS ARTIST#save it for the back end or an after credits or in some section that's for people who want to hear about you#don't grind the pacing of the docco to a halt cause you're desperate for attention and recognition. you're ruining the docco lol#also yes I'm aware that this is harsh coming from someone who's not even made a docco of any sorts but#if i do get into making it i expect this kind of feedback if i go awry and these are the standards I'll be holding myself to#WHERE ARE THE STANDARDS IN THE YT DOCCO SCENE!? there are a few great creators but there's so much shit#to me i think it overall grates cause like. it's not always being made with the intent to share.. it's made to get clout#and that's a philosophy i just disagree with#anyway wherever. pretentious film bro rant quota filled. i dont wanna hear about how 'difficult' it was waiting for an email that never came#rads talks
0 notes
ipso-faculty · 1 year
Text
Perisex allies: stop this shit
CW: intersexism
Came across this infographic during some google image searching and I'm still kind of a state of despair about it because it's not just offensively wrong about what intersex is, it was used to teach university students about queer issues:
Tumblr media
Alt text: LGBTQIA+ are defined one by one. Intersex is defined erroneously as "These are people who were born with genital organs of both sexes (male and female). It is a genetic condition."
It's one thing for your rando perisex person to be getting this wrong on social media. It's another thing entirely when it's professionals getting this wrong in an educational setting. 😩 And that this infographic appears in a peer-reviewed publication. 😩
It's even worse to know the students that were taught with this infographic were medical students, who will be the ones traumatizing intersex people for decades to come 😩
It's so wrong in so many different ways:
Intersex is not limited to people with genital differences. Most intersex people have intersex variations that are not apparent at birth, with puberty being the most common time of life for variations to present. Many people find out in adulthood having no outward physical differences.
Of the intersex people with genital differences, they do not have two sets of genitals. Most genital differences are still recognizably female or male (e.g. spadias), and those who have ambiguous genitals have one set.
Intersex is not "male parts + female parts" or even "intermediate male/female parts", it is an umbrella term for anybody whose primary/secondary sex characteristics don't line up with what is expected for male and female bodies. Some intersex variations make women look more feminine, or make men look more masculine.
Defining intersex by genital differences doesn't just exclude most intersex people, it also sets the tone that we are defined by our genitals. To be publicly intersex is to have non-stop DMs about your genitals. This sort of framing sets up openly intersex people for invasive questions and harassment, and it keeps large numbers of intersex people from coming out.
Many intersex variations do not have a known genetic basis. Many intersex variations are caused by exposure to certain hormonal levels in the womb. Certain medications when taken during pregnancy can trigger intersex variations.
While bodily variation is necessary for being intersex, the social experience of stigma, discrimination, isolation, hyper-medicalization, and hyper-sexualization are all just as much a part of being intersex.
📣 Perisex allies: this is shit you can stop. When you see other perisex people parrot this sort of misinformation, correct them. Direct them to look up resources written by actually intersex people.
Here are some starter resources to give:
Intersex explained by Hans Lindahl
Media and style guide by IHRA
FAQ by intersex-support
A recent post I did compiling information for trans people who want to be better intersex allies
17K notes · View notes
sirfrogsworth · 11 months
Text
Do you remember that Aussie sword guy who used to talk about medieval weapons?
Tumblr media
And, like, he seemed pretty good at talking about swords and shit. He seemed to have a good grasp of the history and tactics. He'd analyze movie weapons for their realism and that was fun. He did demonstrations with real weapons. For a time I really looked forward to his videos popping up in my feed.
He seemed like a harmless sword-fighting aficionado.
But then I guess he wanted to spread his wings. So he started down an anti-woke path. Giving questionable critiques about media and feminism. He started defending boob armor by showing historical examples even though most of those were decorative and not battle ready like in the games.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Then he admitted he was a fan of The Daily Wire.
Tumblr media
And that was disappointing.
I missed him nerding out about swords, ya know?
Well, Shad decided to spread his wings again.
He has become...
*bad French accent* An artiste.
You see, he types words into a little box. Then a little robot does a google image search and steals a bunch of art. Then that robot reconfigures that art to be nearly indistinguishable from the source material. Well... aside from the occasional artist watermark.
Tumblr media
Whoops!
A.I. art is very difficult. Sometimes when you type words into the box you get a woman with 5 lopsided anime tiddies. Or 20 fingers on one hand. It takes time and effort and experience to type in the perfect magic words so that you get something close to your imagination that doesn't belong in some sort of Lovecraftian horror ripoff.
For example, check out this cool "pirate hat" I asked A.I. to place on my head.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Clearly, I am not skilled enough at typing words into a box to get a proper pirate hat.
It. Is. Not. Easy.
I heard someone say you have to type things in a box for 10,000 hours before you start getting truly masterful generations.
I mean, you can't type "marathon runners" and expect that to actually work.
Tumblr media
THIS REQUIRES SKILL, PEOPLE.
And I am a lowly amateur. I can only dream of becoming the box-typist Shad has honed himself into.
The thing is... Shad is very upset.
He is upset that you don't like his "art" and he is ready to die on this hill.
So... before he croaks on a mound of bullshit, he has something to show you. He has created something truly brilliant and when you see it, he is convinced you will validate his considerable efforts.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Before I show you his "Not. Easy." artistic masterpiece I'd like you to sit with what he has said for a second.
Ruminate in the verbiage.
Process the ideas and points of view presented.
Digest his plea for you to accept and love his hard won battle after typing words into a box to manifest his imaginings.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Have you sat?
Ruminated?
Processed?
Digested?
Okay, here it is...
Tumblr media
8K notes · View notes
Text
Google’s enshittification memos
Tumblr media
[Note, 9 October 2023: Google disputes the veracity of this claim, but has declined to provide the exhibits and testimony to support its claims. Read more about this here.]
Tumblr media
When I think about how the old, good internet turned into the enshitternet, I imagine a series of small compromises, each seemingly reasonable at the time, each contributing to a cultural norm of making good things worse, and worse, and worse.
Think about Unity President Marc Whitten's nonpology for his company's disastrous rug-pull, in which they declared that everyone who had paid good money to use their tool to make a game would have to keep paying, every time someone downloaded that game:
The most fundamental thing that we’re trying to do is we’re building a sustainable business for Unity. And for us, that means that we do need to have a model that includes some sort of balancing change, including shared success.
https://www.wired.com/story/unity-walks-back-policies-lost-trust/
"Shared success" is code for, "If you use our tool to make money, we should make money too." This is bullshit. It's like saying, "We just want to find a way to share the success of the painters who use our brushes, so every time you sell a painting, we want to tax that sale." Or "Every time you sell a house, the company that made the hammer gets to wet its beak."
And note that they're not talking about shared risk here – no one at Unity is saying, "If you try to make a game with our tools and you lose a million bucks, we're on the hook for ten percent of your losses." This isn't partnership, it's extortion.
How did a company like Unity – which became a market leader by making a tool that understood the needs of game developers and filled them – turn into a protection racket? One bad decision at a time. One rationalization and then another. Slowly, and then all at once.
When I think about this enshittification curve, I often think of Google, a company that had its users' backs for years, which created a genuinely innovative search engine that worked so well it seemed like *magic, a company whose employees often had their pick of jobs, but chose the "don't be evil" gig because that mattered to them.
People make fun of that "don't be evil" motto, but if your key employees took the gig because they didn't want to be evil, and then you ask them to be evil, they might just quit. Hell, they might make a stink on the way out the door, too:
https://theintercept.com/2018/09/13/google-china-search-engine-employee-resigns/
Google is a company whose founders started out by publishing a scientific paper describing their search methodology, in which they said, "Oh, and by the way, ads will inevitably turn your search engine into a pile of shit, so we're gonna stay the fuck away from them":
http://infolab.stanford.edu/pub/papers/google.pdf
Those same founders retained a controlling interest in the company after it went IPO, explaining to investors that they were going to run the business without having their elbows jostled by shortsighted Wall Street assholes, so they could keep it from turning into a pile of shit:
https://abc.xyz/investor/founders-letters/ipo-letter/
And yet, it's turned into a pile of shit. Google search is so bad you might as well ask Jeeves. The company's big plan to fix it? Replace links to webpages with florid paragraphs of chatbot nonsense filled with a supremely confident lies:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/14/googles-ai-hype-circle/
How did the company get this bad? In part, this is the "curse of bigness." The company can't grow by attracting new users. When you have 90%+ of the market, there are no new customers to sign up. Hypothetically, they could grow by going into new lines of business, but Google is incapable of making a successful product in-house and also kills most of the products it buys from other, more innovative companies:
https://killedbygoogle.com/
Theoretically, the company could pursue new lines of business in-house, and indeed, the current leaders of companies like Amazon, Microsoft and Apple are all execs who figured out how to get the whole company to do something new, and were elevated to the CEO's office, making each one a billionaire and sealing their place in history.
It is for this very reason that any exec at a large firm who tries to make a business-wide improvement gets immediately and repeatedly knifed by all their colleagues, who correctly reason that if someone else becomes CEO, then they won't become CEO. Machiavelli was an optimist:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/
With no growth from new customers, and no growth from new businesses, "growth" has to come from squeezing workers (say, laying off 12,000 engineers after a stock buyback that would have paid their salaries for the next 27 years), or business customers (say, by colluding with Facebook to rig the ad market with the Jedi Blue conspiracy), or end-users.
Now, in theory, we might never know exactly what led to the enshittification of Google. In theory, all of compromises, debates and plots could be lost to history. But tech is not an oral culture, it's a written one, and techies write everything down and nothing is ever truly deleted.
Time and again, Big Tech tells on itself. Think of FTX's main conspirators all hanging out in a group chat called "Wirefraud." Amazon naming its program targeting weak, small publishers the "Gazelle Project" ("approach these small publishers the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle”). Amazon documenting the fact that users were unknowingly signing up for Prime and getting pissed; then figuring out how to reduce accidental signups, then deciding not to do it because it liked the money too much. Think of Zuck emailing his CFO in the middle of the night to defend his outsized offer to buy Instagram on the basis that users like Insta better and Facebook couldn't compete with them on quality.
It's like every Big Tech schemer has a folder on their desktop called "Mens Rea" filled with files like "Copy_of_Premeditated_Murder.docx":
https://doctorow.medium.com/big-tech-cant-stop-telling-on-itself-f7f0eb6d215a?sk=351f8a54ab8e02d7340620e5eec5024d
Right now, Google's on trial for its sins against antitrust law. It's a hard case to make. To secure a win, the prosecutors at the DoJ Antitrust Division are going to have to prove what was going on in Google execs' minds when the took the actions that led to the company's dominance. They're going to have to show that the company deliberately undertook to harm its users and customers.
Of course, it helps that Google put it all in writing.
Last week, there was a huge kerfuffile over the DoJ's practice of posting its exhibits from the trial to a website each night. This is a totally normal thing to do – a practice that dates back to the Microsoft antitrust trial. But Google pitched a tantrum over this and said that the docs the DoJ were posting would be turned into "clickbait." Which is another way of saying, "the public would find these documents very interesting, and they would be damning to us and our case":
https://www.bigtechontrial.com/p/secrecy-is-systemic
After initially deferring to Google, Judge Amit Mehta finally gave the Justice Department the greenlight to post the document. It's up. It's wild:
https://www.justice.gov/d9/2023-09/416692.pdf
The document is described as "notes for a course on communication" that Google VP for Finance Michael Roszak prepared. Roszak says he can't remember whether he ever gave the presentation, but insists that the remit for the course required him to tell students "things I didn't believe," and that's why the document is "full of hyperbole and exaggeration."
OK.
But here's what the document says: "search advertising is one of the world's greatest business models ever created…illicit businesses (cigarettes or drugs) could rival these economics…[W]e can mostly ignore the demand side…(users and queries) and only focus on the supply side of advertisers, ad formats and sales."
It goes on to say that this might be changing, and proposes a way to balance the interests of the search and ads teams, which are at odds, with search worrying that ads are pushing them to produce "unnatural search experiences to chase revenue."
"Unnatural search experiences to chase revenue" is a thinly veiled euphemism for the prophetic warnings in that 1998 Pagerank paper: "The goals of the advertising business model do not always correspond to providing quality search to users." Or, more plainly, "ads will turn our search engine into a pile of shit."
And, as Roszak writes, Google is "able to ignore one of the fundamental laws of economics…supply and demand." That is, the company has become so dominant and cemented its position so thoroughly as the default search engine across every platforms and system that even if it makes its search terrible to goose revenues, users won't leave. As Lily Tomlin put it on SNL: "We don't have to care, we're the phone company."
In the enshittification cycle, companies first lure in users with surpluses – like providing the best search results rather than the most profitable ones – with an eye to locking them in. In Google's case, that lock-in has multiple facets, but the big one is spending billions of dollars – enough to buy a whole Twitter, every single year – to be the default search everywhere.
Google doesn't buy its way to dominance because it has the very best search results and it wants to shield you from inferior competitors. The economically rational case for buying default position is that preventing competition is more profitable than succeeding by outperforming competitors. The best reason to buy the default everywhere is that it lets you lower quality without losing business. You can "ignore the demand side, and only focus on advertisers."
For a lot of people, the analysis stops here. "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product." Google locks in users and sells them to advertisers, who are their co-conspirators in a scheme to screw the rest of us.
But that's not right. For one thing, paying for a product doesn't mean you won't be the product. Apple charges a thousand bucks for an iPhone and then nonconsensually spies on every iOS user in order to target ads to them (and lies about it):
https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar
John Deere charges six figures for its tractors, then runs a grift that blocks farmers from fixing their own machines, and then uses their control over repair to silence farmers who complain about it:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/31/dealers-choice/#be-a-shame-if-something-were-to-happen-to-it
Fair treatment from a corporation isn't a loyalty program that you earn by through sufficient spending. Companies that can sell you out, will sell you out, and then cry victim, insisting that they were only doing their fiduciary duty for their sacred shareholders. Companies are disciplined by fear of competition, regulation or – in the case of tech platforms – customers seizing the means of computation and installing ad-blockers, alternative clients, multiprotocol readers, etc:
https://doctorow.medium.com/an-audacious-plan-to-halt-the-internets-enshittification-and-throw-it-into-reverse-3cc01e7e4604?sk=85b3f5f7d051804521c3411711f0b554
Which is where the next stage of enshittification comes in: when the platform withdraws the surplus it had allocated to lure in – and then lock in – business customers (like advertisers) and reallocate it to the platform's shareholders.
For Google, there are several rackets that let it screw over advertisers as well as searchers (the advertisers are paying for the product, and they're also the product). Some of those rackets are well-known, like Jedi Blue, the market-rigging conspiracy that Google and Facebook colluded on:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Blue
But thanks to the antitrust trial, we're learning about more of these. Megan Gray – ex-FTC, ex-DuckDuckGo – was in the courtroom last week when evidence was presented on Google execs' panic over a decline in "ad generating searches" and the sleazy gimmick they came up with to address it: manipulating the "semantic matching" on user queries:
https://www.wired.com/story/google-antitrust-lawsuit-search-results/
When you send a query to Google, it expands that query with terms that are similar – for example, if you search on "Weds" it might also search for "Wednesday." In the slides shown in the Google trial, we learned about another kind of semantic matching that Google performed, this one intended to turn your search results into "a twisted shopping mall you can’t escape."
Here's how that worked: when you ran a query like "children's clothing," Google secretly appended the brand name of a kids' clothing manufacturer to the query. This, in turn, triggered a ton of ads – because rival brands will have bought ads against their competitors' name (like Pepsi buying ads that are shown over queries for Coke).
Here we see surpluses being taken away from both end-users and business customers – that is, searchers and advertisers. For searchers, it doesn't matter how much you refine your query, you're still going to get crummy search results because there's an unkillable, hidden search term stuck to your query, like a piece of shit that Google keeps sticking to the sole of your shoe.
But for advertisers, this is also a scam. They're paying to be matched to users who search on a brand name, and you didn't search on that brand name. It's especially bad for the company whose name has been appended to your search, because Google has a protection racket where the company that matches your search has to pay extra in order to show up overtop of rivals who are worse matches. Both the matching company and those rivals have given Google a credit-card that Google gets to bill every time a user searches on the company's name, and Google is just running fraudulent charges through those cards.
And, of course, Google put this in writing. I mean, of course they did. As we learned from the documentary The Incredibles, supervillains can't stop themselves from monologuing, and in big, sprawling monopolists, these monologues have to transmitted electronically – and often indelibly – to far-flung co-cabalists.
As Gray points out, this is an incredibly blunt enshittification technique: "it hadn’t even occurred to me that Google just flat out deletes queries and replaces them with ones that monetize better." We don't know how long Google did this for or how frequently this bait-and-switch was deployed.
But if this is a blunt way of Google smashing its fist down on the scales that balance search quality against ad revenues, there's plenty of subtler ways the company could sneak a thumb on there. A Google exec at the trial rhapsodized about his company's "contract with the user" to deliver an "honest results policy," but given how bad Google search is these days, we're left to either believe he's lying or that Google sucks at search.
The paper trail offers a tantalizing look at how a company went from doing something that was so good it felt like a magic trick to being "able to ignore one of the fundamental laws of economics…supply and demand," able to "ignore the demand side…(users and queries) and only focus on the supply side of advertisers."
What's more, this is a system where everyone loses (except for Google): this isn't a grift run by Google and advertisers on users – it's a grift Google runs on everyone.
Tumblr media
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/03/not-feeling-lucky/#fundamental-laws-of-economics
Tumblr media Tumblr media
My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!
6K notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
"How to Life" Masterlist
Cleaning and Tidying
Make your bed in the morning. It takes seconds, and it's worth it.
Reset to zero each morning.
Use the UFYH 20/10 system for clearing your shit.
Have a 'drop-zone' box where you dump anything and everything. At the beginning/end of the day, clear it out and put that shit away.
Automate your chores. Have a cleaning schedule and assign 15mins daily to do whatever cleaning tasks are set for that day. Set a timer and do it once the timer is up, finish the task you're on and leave it for the day.
Fold your clothes straight out of the tumble dryer (if you use one), whilst they're still warm. This minimises creases and eliminates the need for ironing.
Clean your footwear regularly and you'll feel like a champ.
Organisation and Productivity
Learn from Eisenhower's Importance/Urgency matrix.
Try out the two-minute rule and the Pomodoro technique.
Use. A. Planner. (Or Google Calendar, if that's more your thing.)
Try bullet journalling.
Keep a notebook/journal/commonplace book to dump your brain contents in on the regular.
Set morning alarms at two-minute intervals rather than five, and stick your alarm on the other side of the room. It's brutal, but it works.
Set three main goals each day, with one of them being your #1 priority. Don't overload your to-do list or you'll hit overload paralysis and procrastinate.
If you're in a slump, however, don't be afraid to put things like "shower" on your to do list - that may be a big enough goal in itself, and that's okay.
Have a physical inbox - a tray, a folder, whatever. If you get a piece of paper, stick it in there and sort through it at the end of the week.
Consider utilising the GTD System, or a variation of it.
Try timeboxing.
Have a morning routine, and guard that quiet time ferociously.
Have a folder for all your important documents and letters, organised by topic (e.g. medical, bank, university, work, identification). At the front of this folder, have a sheet of paper with all the key information written on it, such as your GP's details, your passport details, driving licence details, bank account number, insurance number(s), and so on.
Schedule working time and down time alike, in the balance that works for you.
Money
Have. A. God. Damn. Budget.
Use a money tracker like toshl, mint, or splitwise. Enter all expenses asap! (You will forget, otherwise.)
Have a 'money date' each week, where you sort through your finances from the past seven days and then add it to a spreadsheet. This will help you identify your spending patterns and whether your budget is actually working or not.
Pack your own frickin' lunch like a grown-up and stop buying so many takeaway coffees. Keep snacks in your bag.
Food and Cooking
Know how to cook the basics: a starch, a protein, a vegetable, and a sauce.
Simple, one-pot meals ("a grain, a green, and a bean") are a godsend.
Batch cook and freeze. Make your own 'microwave meals'.
Buy dried goods to save money - rice and beans are a pittance.
Consider Meatless Mondays; it's healthier, cheaper, and more environmentally friendly.
Learn which fruits and vegetables are cheapest at your store, and build a standard weekly menu around those. (Also remember that frozen vegetables are cheap and healthy.)
Learn seasoning combinations. Different seasoning, even with the exact same ingredients, can make a dish seem completely new.
Misc
Have a stock email-writing format.
Want to start running, but find it boring? Try Zombies, Run!.
Keep a goddamn first aid kit and learn how to use it.
Update your CV regularly.
Keep a selection of stamps and standard envelopes for unexpected posting needs. (It happens more regularly than you would think!)
2K notes · View notes
ham1lton · 6 months
Text
nepo sister?
pairing: lando norris x fellow driver’s sister!reader (no faceclaim).
summary: your sister is one of the most famous f1 drivers in history and when she suddenly has a barrage of hate and online users comparing her to a certain lando norris, you’ve gotta step in and sort it out. you couldn’t foresee the man in question being into you.
warnings: jokes about adoption but it’s lighthearted. also mentions of racism and sexism. also y/n bullying poor lando in defence of her sister.
author’s note: as i do with requests, i put my own little spin on it! hope u enjoy 💕also i used aaliyah as your sister’s faceclaim but she’s your adopted sister so y/n is still pretty much whoever you view her to be. i refer to yn’s older sis as o/s. in case you were wondering who tf that is. reminder that requests are currently still open!
edit: now part of a series ! <3
Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by oldersister, yourbffsuser and 20,873 others.
yourusername: why is my sister so dramatic? she picked me up from the airport in a FUR jacket in a LIMO? also this cat is evil. genuinely evil. cat satan. catan?
view all 2,828 comments
oldersister: i was at an EVENT! 😭 you’re lucky i even picked your ass up anyways 🙄🖕🏾
-> user1: their dynamic is so funny.
user2: y/n in melbourne for the grand prix??? 😍
user4: o/s looks sooo good 😍😍😍
user3: the cat is so cute 🥺
-> yourusername: no need to lie bae ❤️
————————————————————————
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
————————————————————————
Tumblr media
liked by zendaya, oldersister and 627,982 others.
yourusername: my sister before, during and after the race. plus our dad!! he’s new to this ig shit so be nice or i’ll bulldoze your grandma. let me start by just say something… my sister is one of the best drivers in the world. i see a lot of people cussing her out and all i’m gonna say is don’t pmo. she’s my sister but even besides that, her multiple historic accolades speak for themselves. quit playing with your misogynistic and racist shit before i drag your whole lineage.
view all 98,938 comments
oldersister: stop being so aggressive 🙄 but thank you. love you.
-> yourusername: posted this to cover the fact i spent $82 on fast food using your card 😘
-> oldersister: that’s it? that’s not the worst you’ve done tbf.
hater1: be real. lando is better than o/s in every shape and form. it’s just a fact.
-> yourusername: so why is o/s a two-time world champion and lando isn’t?
user1: SPEAK ON IT!!! 🗣️🔈
hater2: o/s is overrated.
-> yourusername: snore. ass take. come up with something original and not completely false.
user2: y/n said might i suggest you don’t fuck with my sis!!!
-> user6: she’s in her solange era 😭
user3: is this because someone said y/n was worse than lando?
-> yourusername: like 🤣 don’t ever compare the two. o/s is a world champion and lando is… lando.
-> landonorris: NO CAUSE WHY AM I IN THIS???? 😭
Tumblr media
liked by charles_leclerc, tomholland and 283,928 others
landonorris: just woke up to my name trending on twitter. what you say fuck me for 😭😭 stop using my name to drag my fellow drivers i’m begging you.
view all 77,929 comments
user1: no cause if anything these haters are lando antis and not o/s antis. they set your ass up omgggg. pure insane hate.
user2: fighting for my life defending you.
user3: the three diff angles of the same george crying vid is crazy work ngl.
-> georgerussell63: no cause HE got dragged and now he’s setting ME up.
-> user3: dw king. find solace in that he either searched google purely for this photo or had them saved onto his phone. haters nowadays are fans in denial.
-> landonorris: nah i’m just a hater.
Tumblr media
—————-—————-—————-—————-———
Tumblr media
liked by landonorris, oldersister and 726,733 others.
yourusername: i met lando nowins. i guess he’s cool.
view all 230,928 comments
oldersister: now that’s just not right.
-> landonorris: i know!! after the four hour long convo y/n and i had, she still drags me 😔💔
-> oldersister: i wasn’t talking about that. i’m talking about the picture she chose for me. why did she use that photo after catching me off guard??? and if you know y/n, get ready for the bullying. she does it to all her loved ones.
user2: HELPJSJSJAKA
user3: this is the content i follow you for y/n.
*liked by yourusername.*
1K notes · View notes
sophiethewitch1 · 7 months
Text
What We Want - Chpt. 5 - Meet The Adams Family
Tumblr media
In Which A Romantic Breaks The Universe
(Yandere!batboys x f!reader) 18+ MDNI!
SUMMARY
Another lonely birthday, another empty year. You miss your family. You're late for your bills and rent, and even then, you got robbed last Tuesday.
Still, you buy yourself a cupcake, because you need it. I mean, hey. What's dessert for if not to get over cheating boyfriends and dead relatives?
As you blow out the candle, watching the clock switch from 11:59 pm to midnight of the next day, you make a wish.
And because the world doesn't like to make much sense, it comes true. Your life is suddenly flipped on a dime, and you're stuck trying to catch up with it. Fantasy becomes reality. You're a Wayne now, apparently. Or you used to be. You're loved, you're rich, you're talented and powerful.
Well, sort of. Careful what you wish for, right?
(TRIGGER WARNINGS AND MASTERLIST HERE)
PREV - NEXT
Tumblr media
The first thing you’d done when you woke up, still somehow in the Wayne manor, was pull out not-your phone and check the date. When it tells you that you are not, in fact, in some weird version of a time loop, you feel some measure of relief. The second thing you do is look your own damn name up on Google. There were over 3 million results. You have a Wikipedia page. If that hadn’t made you want to gag, the press from last night had you bumbling your way into the ensuite bathroom and puking into the toilet.
It’s still sitting on the bathroom floor, nauseous and achy and sweaty, your mouth washed out but still tasting foul, that you continue your research.
It’s just as you had suspected, your family was dead. Still dead. Well, shit. In the light of day, you supposed that made more sense. That there was no real reason to assume otherwise. You hadn’t for most of yesterday, but as soon as you’d thought that maybe there was a chance, your hopes had been dashed. Which was good, rip the bandaid off and all.
It was good. Things were good. They were fine, you were fine. You really wish you were a better liar.
Again you wash your mouth out. Root around the cabinets for some medical-grade mouthwash, do it again, and then you throw yourself into the shower. Again. You notice the soap smells like whoever’s clothes you stole. Refreshing and awakening, that mint and earth again. You think you can detect something floral in it too. It’s still masculine, but…
Wow, you are such a freak! You put down the fucking soap and manage to resist the urge to slam your head into the tiles. Your headache was bad enough already.
When you leave the bathroom, you glance at the door, and then down at your towel. Guess you’re stealing some more apparel. You find a Superman shirt, give it a judging glance, and then pick out a black T-shirt with ‘The Beatles’ across the front, and some sweatpants. You have to roll up the pant legs so you don’t trip and fall flat on your face.
One hand scrolling through Twitter and TikTok and Reddit and every single piece of social media you could find, getting the people’s source of news and you get the high overlords’ one when you turn on the huge TV attached to the wall. The remote kind of confuses you at first, but you manage to find the good ol’ Gotham news channel.
Immediately, you’re greeted by your miserable mascara-streaked face. You turn the TV off. You take a deep breath. Turn it back on. Luckily it’s not just you getting your private moment of trauma blasted open in the media. Your party had been filled with Gotham’s elite, after all. You weren’t the only rich idiot left crying by the side of the road.
You weren’t the only one who had to suffer. There had been twenty-eight casualties, in total. A small amount, considering the man behind the deaths. The Joker wasn’t known for his cleanliness. You tell yourself that, and yet still, you can’t make them just numbers. They’d been standing right next to you, after all. All in the same boat, all waiting for the axe to swing, secretly hoping you’re the one who lives to the next day. Only one of the party guests had been shot, and that’s because you think they’d personally pissed off the Joker. That’s what Twitter says, anyway. There were multiple video recordings of the altercation, and it didn’t look like he’d been the smartest banana in the bunch. The TV is a lot sweeter on the dead soul.
You feel sorry for all the dead. You still don’t think this rich heir should be the face you see, though. When you check his name, you find several forgotten assault cases. Assault, rape, just like that disappearing bastard had tried to do to you. That female janitor you’d seen shot had done more for this city than that guy ever had.
Did her family know? Did she have a family? Someone to mourn her? You’d never thought about that before. How many people out there wouldn’t have anyone to even remember them?
It’s none of your business, in the end.
After a whiles more research, you switch the TV off and tuck your cracked phone into the sweatpants. You know where your mother’s grave is, on the west side of the estate. Wikipedia knew all, which was now kind of creepy to you as it knew all about you as well. Really, you couldn’t believe it. Your mother, buried with the Waynes? You’d always thought she should find someone new, someone who’d appreciate her, unlike your father who had dipped as soon as Sam was born.
You couldn’t even remember the guy. Still, you remembered that he’d smelled bad and made your Mum do everything, and was just generally all around the worst choice for a husband.
But, Jesus Christ, Bruce Wayne? Absolute insanity. You had no idea how the two of them would’ve even met. Let alone fall in love and get married. Your mother was one of the loveliest women on earth but… they had absolutely nothing in common, other than having troublesome kids. And you hadn’t seen her getting lovey-dovey with the other PTA mums.
You walk out of the room you’ve borrowed and into the hallway. In the light of day, the Wayne manor is much less creepy, and you can find it in yourself to appreciate the antique space. Warm sunlight falls over dark oak furniture, illuminating your bare feet as you walk along the Persian rug. Your fingers trail along all the tiny little decorations, some annoying part of you demanding you leave traces of yourself behind. Your fingerprints dirty an old clock, a golden candelabra, a lamp and a tiny spinning globe.
You might’ve gotten lost in a place this huge if you couldn’t hear people’s voices floating down the halls. They were too far away for you to be able to tell what they were saying, but you could still hear them. They’re to the west, so you’re definitely going to have to go past them.
You follow the voices and eventually come to a stop in a hallway. You can smell food. Good, real food. The type that makes your instant-ramen-powered body salivate. The people are in the kitchen, right around the corner. You duck your head and quickly sneak past the mostly closed doorway. On the other side, you pause, your curious self unable to leave just yet.
“She needs help,” Bruce says, and you mentally curse. Balls. You didn’t want to hear this. You guess this was instant karma for snooping. Maybe they weren’t talking about you?
Why did that sound very unlikely…
“She went through a lot last night,” he continues, which, well, yes, you did go through a lot, “And he said that she saw a woman get shot right in front of her. It makes sense if she doesn’t want to talk yet.”
He? Who’s he? Who ratted you out? Wait, dumb question, the four other witnesses who saw the janitor get shot. You were still pretty sure the Waynes weren’t supposed to know that, but everybody knew those GCPD pigs were always just a dollar away from whatever you wanted them to do. It’s not surprising that the Waynes know details only the police should know at the moment.
…It is a bit disappointing, though. You chose to have hope in them, that they’d gotten that information legally. Your fatal obsession with the Waynes wasn’t going to disappear after one miserable party. You wished it would.
“She was acting strange before that,” Timothy Jackson Drake’s smooth voice drifts from the kitchen. You were still a little starry-eyed over him, which was… bad, you think. It’d definitely make whatever relationship the two of you had been forced into a whole lot more difficult. It did not need to be any more difficult.
“Are you accusing her of something?” Bruce Thomas Wayne’s voice is gravelly in comparison, angry, maybe. Also, ‘accusing’? What could he even be accusing you of? It was pretty obvious you weren’t capable of anything nefarious, you were far too stupid for that. You were a plastic bag drifting along the Gotham river, barely able to affect which direction you flowed in.
“God no. And I definitely wouldn’t do it with her listening, that’d be rude.”
Your breath hitches, and you push off from the wall. Busted, damn. Your face feels unbelievably hot. As you leave, you can hear Mr Wayne scolding his adopted son. You walk until you can’t hear their voices anymore, and then a little further, finding an exit door.
You stumble out onto a stone staircase, probably a servants’ one in the olden days. You move down it, hand gripping the railing. You’re barely conscious of where you’re going. There’s a path that leads away from the stone manor and further into the estate, and you follow it. When you spot a small gated area, with stone obelisks and angel statues, you veer off the path and onto the grass.
Hissing out a breath, it’s only now you realise you went outside without any shoes on. Your toes curl in the cold, wet grass. It’s a miserable feeling, and you want to walk right back inside. And then you think about the awkward conversation waiting for you, take a breath and keep going. The gates swing open easily under your hand, the golden embossed ‘W’ glinting in the light.
A guardian angel stands before you. Its stone face is disapproving, glaring down at you from above. ‘Interloper,’ it calls you, but you move past it without pausing. It’s pretty obvious which graves are the new ones and which are the old ones. They’re all clean and well-kept, but the ones to the left have dates going back hundreds of years, and the ones to the right only decades. Your eyes follow the rows of graves. Thomas Wayne, Martha Wayne…
Your breath whistles out of you, nearly muffled by the grey morning wind.
And your mother. She has a different last name, now another Wayne. Your siblings don’t, which makes sense. You’re surprised to find many of your extended family also in this graveyard. Your grandmother. Your uncle and aunt. A few of your cousins.
It’s cold this morning, and you’re out here with only a thin T-shirt on. Shivering, you rub your palms against your bare arms. It doesn’t do much. Still, you don’t want to go inside yet. Instead, you crouch in front of Sam’s grave, eyes reading the tiny epitaph. It’s not the one you wrote.
‘Beloved Son and Brother.’
Simple, clean-cut, formal… unfamiliar, you suppose. Yours had been much more flowery, ‘All the colour in the world is gone without you’. It was a bit silly, but you’d never said you were a poet. You’d just known you’d wanted something that represented them, if poorly.
Sam was a beloved son and brother. But that wasn’t who he chose to be. He liked colours. He’d change his favourite every other day, so he liked everything rainbow. It made it easier to choose which one he’d like next, he said. You were always buying him more and more coloured pencils because he’d wear them all down to the tips, he dyed the cat a bright red headache, much to your mother’s horror, and considered it his personal job to make every single birthday, christmas, and easter card. He’d paint on the walls in washable markers, and you’d often been the one to volunteer to help him get it all down. In school, he always had the best art project out of the entire class, even if you were slightly biased.
He was a colourful kid. He wasn’t… a plain grey tombstone. Nothing to help remember him, because you were always losing more and more of their precious memories.
The others had similarly impersonal graves. Just what they were, not who. Mother, sister. Nothing that spoke of how they’d lived their lives, what the world had lost when they’d died. It was… you didn’t think it was right. It was a disaster, really. Even when you’d had to rely on the Wanye Foundation donations, you’d managed a better resting place than this.
You suppose you’d never gotten them into the Wayne family’s personal graveyard, though. That was a bit of an upgrade, you guess.
“You need to come back inside. You’re worrying my father.”
“Jesus Christ!” you shriek, leaping backward. Your foot catches on one of the cobblestones, and you end up tipping back farther than you mean to, your ass bruising against the ground. You bump another gravestone, and there’s a horrible moment where it gives a little and you think it’s going to knock over.
It doesn’t. A shining miracle on your day.
From your slightly wet seat on the ground, you look up, finding one such Damian Al Ghul-Wayne. His towering height is the first thing you notice, second his stunning emerald green eyes. Both were incredibly shocking in their own ways, but his height really was almost dizzying. Perfect brown skin and a stylish 'long on the top, short on the sides’ black haircut, paired with the sort of face some European model might have, all come together to make sure you feel as pathetic as possible. His posh-looking outfit doesn’t help.
Neither does the fact he just watches you. He doesn’t even pretend to bend over to help you up. Which you’re sort of grateful for, honestly. It’d just make you more embarrassed. You didn’t know if you could hold the hand of your celebrity crush and… well, be normal. Pretend to be normal. You weren’t doing a very good job of it anyway.
You have to wonder, which was the worst introduction? The drunk, the bloody, or the one where you fell on your ass? God, you really are screwing this all the way up. You wonder how you’re inevitably going to make it even worse. There’s a part of you that desperately doesn’t want to meet any of the other Waynes, even as another part of you is screaming that it needs to.
If they knew they had a fangirl in their graveyard, you’re sure they’d kick you out. That was why you were lying about everything, not because you had intimacy issues.
Stop thinking, you idiot! You’re only making things more difficult for yourself with all your worrying and fretting. And maybe you should get off the ground, you looked stupid. You push to your feet, wiping your dirtied hands on the sweats.
He still doesn’t say anything when you stand, still just staring at you. His open staring is far too intimidating, so you scrounge for something to say.
“Your father? You- Is he alright?” you stammer over your words, giving Damian Wayne an awkward smile. He doesn’t return it, instead canting his head towards one of the windows.
You look toward where Damian Wayne gestured to, find nothing but an empty window frame, and then back to the ridiculously tall man. You swear, the guy had grown like a bean pole. He had to be something ridiculous, like 6’5, or maybe more. You were fairly certain you’d been taller than him at twelve, or thirteen, whenever it was he was first introduced to the world as Damian Wayne. Now, now… not so much.
“There’s nobody in there?” you ask, like you’re questioning your sanity. You are.
“My father’s shy,” He says, coolly shrugging one shoulder.
What. Bruce Wayne? Shy? Was he joking or something?
Damian Wayne stares down at you with narrowed green eyes, and dark brows in a harsh frown. His arms are crossed over his rich kid sweater, shiny black shoes tapping against the cobbles. That’s not the face of someone who makes jokes, you think.
You swallow, mind whirring as you try desperately to fix this conversation, “Right. Okay. I’ll… I’ll come back inside, then. Sorry for bothering you guys.”
He keeps staring at you. He doesn’t seem bothered.
“Sorry for bothering him?” you correct.
Damian gives one slow, cat-like blink of his eyes, and then turns with a tsk and walks away. It takes you a moment to realise you’re meant to follow him. It takes you even longer to actually catch up with him because he’s so fucking tall.
On TV he didn’t look this tall. You feel kind of betrayed, which is weird.
As you’re walking along, getting closer back to the manor, a stick or something pokes you in the foot. You curse, grabbing your foot. Thankfully you don’t start bleeding or something. You’d already be tracking dirt all over the inside of the impeccable space, you didn’t want to bring blood in as well. It takes a moment for you to realise the sound of Damian’s footsteps crunching in the grass has stopped, and you glance up.
He’s staring right at you again. He looks even less impressed with you, raising an eyebrow and mouth ticking downward. You put your foot down and tuck your hands behind your back in a very obvious anxious display.
“You went outside not wearing any shoes?” Damian Wayne asks, incredulous.
“I was… yeah, I forgot to,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. Not your best moment, but you weren’t really having any of those today. Or yesterday. Or the day before. Maybe you should stop thinking about that, actually.
“That’s disgusting,” The young Wayne sneers, and then turns and gives you his shoulder.
You think your heart maybe cracks a little. Well, they do say to never meet your idols. Maybe whoever wrote that quote had you in mind specifically, because now you were in… this situation. Ex-step-sister. If that was a thing. Your Wikipedia page said that you said that a lot, very insistent that you had absolutely nothing to do with the Waynes.
…It didn’t really look like you had nothing to do with the Waynes, from an outsider's perspective. Which obviously didn’t make any sense, since you were… you. You were not an outsider, not anymore.
This was too complicated. You needed a coffee. With like, so much sugar it’ll make you bounce from the walls.
Damian strides up the side entrance’s staircase and through the door, leaving it open for you to follow through. You hesitate at the doorway, looking over your shoulder to the graveyard. The statue calls you names in the distance, and although you feel like a stranger who doesn’t belong here, you manage to step back into the house.
You force yourself to walk through the hallway and into the kitchen, fists clenched tight at your side and your shoulders bunched up to your ears. Bruce Thomas Wayne, Timothy Jackson Drake, and the butler from earlier. Damian Al Ghul Wayne steps around the trio, picking some drink from the counter and moving to sit at the dining table at the edge of the room. There’s an open book on the table that he starts flicking through, and well, apparently that’s the end of your first conversation with the youngest Wayne.
You did… well, alright might be pushing it. You're still going to say you did alright.
Tim Drake gives you a sweet smile, catching your attention. The silky raven hair of his heart-shaped fringe falls over his beautiful, pale face, and for a moment there you totally forget that he’d called you out earlier like that. Which was just, such an odd thing to do. His hand lifts to scratch at the buzz cut under the floppy strands of hair. The movement mesmerises you. You look away from his sky blue eyes, very quickly realising they’re robbing you of the few remaining brain cells you have. And you need those, damn it. Especially because you’d already made the decision to hide from all your problems like a baby. Negative, negative…
“How’re you doing today?” Tim asks you, giving you a friendly greeting. It’s a welcome olive branch.
“I’m good,” you lie like you breathe, eyes glancing around the space. Bruce Wayne has his phone out and a mug of coffee in his hands. He sips from the cup, his focus swallowed by the tiny screen. You glance back over to Damian Wayne. Huh, it really does run in the family.
Your neck prickles, and you glance back at Tim again. You get a brief vision of his tired, unsmiling expression, and then it’s back to the angelic and gentle smile. You smile back at him, a wretched, awful twisting of the lips that you hope doesn’t look like a grimace.
Tim’s smile turns into a grin. It’s really too pretty and makes you shift in your seat uncomfortably. Damn it all, look away!
“Would you like some breakfast, young miss? I’m afraid we’ve run out of pancakes, but I’d be happy to make some more for you,” the butler says in an awfully familiar British accent. You think you know this person, but you can not remember from where. Shit. Your memory was bad on the best of days, much less after… after an event like last night.
Anyway, the food from earlier had been pancakes. Despite the delicious scent, you really didn’t want to make him make any more food for you. You felt like you were intruding as it was.
“Do you have any toast, or… cereal?” you suggest instead, wondering if rich people even bother with cereal. The butler chuckles, and you think, ‘Oh, yeah, probably not’.
“We have both, miss. Master Grayson has a particular fondness for cereal, in fact,” he informs you, which, oh, cool. You did in fact know that, you stalker you. You’d totally forgotten about that weird fact or the weird fact that you knew that weird fact. Dick Grayson has an Instagram where he posts reviews of different cereals, which of course you have notifications on for.
“It’s more of an obsession,” Tim says, resting his palm in his hand as he… continues to stare at you. Nobody else thinks his ogling is strange, so you try to ignore it as well. Try is the choice word.
“I like cereal too. It’s normal,” you say in defence of Dick, a natural and instinctual urge.
And apparently, the fact that you like cereal is fucking shocking, judging from the open-mouth looks the group gives you. Oh no, you’re supposed to hate him, right? You’re supposed to hate them all, actually. What had you called him on your phone? Something about being annoying and a dickhead?
Swallowing your inner scream, you move around the counter and towards the cupboards. Whatever, they’ll have to deal with this new and improved version of you, which didn’t despise everyone in the room. Along with being a terrible liar, you were also pretty bad at keeping secrets.
You don’t want to think about that, so instead you turn to Alfred.
“So,” you start, “Can I see your cereal collection?” you ask, like a totally normal person. Man, this cupboard’s looking pretty head-smashable right now.
This family has more tact than yours did, because they all manage to put their eyes back to what they were doing and pretend you weren’t acting really, really out of character. Rich people. They’re good at overlooking the crazy.
“Of course,” the butler clears his throat, “In here, you’ll find Master Dick’s collection-” score! Not another fan can claim this right, “-and in the fridge a carton of milk. Are you sure I couldn’t serve it for you, miss? I understand you might still be a little…”
His voice trails off. Little what?
He glances at the others and then leans in close like he’s going to tell you a secret. Behind a hand, he whispers, “Hungover.”
Ah. Well, yes, but you were a big girl who could make her cereal, even on hangover days. Kind of embarrassing it was that obvious, though. You were usually better at hiding how much of a mess you were.
“I’ll be fine, thank you,” you say, and the butler nods and backs off. You’re pretty sure at this point that he was the one who called you yesterday morning, but you still couldn’t quite recall his name. When you were out of sight, you’d check your phone for his contact information.
See? You could do this. Stealthy.
As you start perusing through the cereal options, Tim gets up from his spot by the counter and comes to stand next to you at the breakfast bar. He heads straight to the coffee machine, and you glance at it longingly.
It’s one of those cafe-quality fancy espresso makers, with an Italian name embossed in silver on the top. Tim manipulates the machine like a master, which you’re very jealous of because it might as well be alien technology to you. You miss your shitty drip coffee, at least that dingy little machine was loyal to you. Better than George.
“Coffee?” Tim Drake offers, glancing at you. Ah, the starry eyes are back. While Damian Wayne had been a mildly disappointing introduction, Mr. Drake was just reinforcing your celebrity worship. And of course, because your brain works against you, his offer reminds you of the daydreams you’d had on your first twenty-first birthday. Coffee shop au real person fiction- a new low, even for you.
Flustered, you look up at the ceiling. The old mansion is decorated in every single available corner, the plaster above spreading across the entire surface with delicate filigree and pretty curling patterns. It’s gorgeous, absolutely entrancing. That’s what you tell yourself at least.
“Please,” you say, your voice just the slightest bit too quiet. He hears you anyway.
It’s surprisingly domestic. Of course, you don’t know any of these people past face value and Wired YouTube interviews, but… it’s quite indulgent. This is sort of your dream, isn’t it? A full house of people enjoying their morning together. Peaceful bird song drifting in through open windows. The comfort of being around people you trust, not having to perform or put on a show. Well, you are very much putting on a show right now. It’s the thought that counts, or whatever.
“What would you like in it? We have sugar, milk, oat milk, and I like having a few syrups on hand,” Tim chatters excitedly, listing off the different ingredients he has on offer. Your poor ass stares at his rich one, and you are very rudely reminded these people live in different tax brackets than you.
Who the fuck had coffee syrups in their house? You could barely afford the little treats of caramel syrup you get every couple of months. The disappearance of the middle class was one you had witnessed personally.
You rattle off a very basic, bland order. Tim looks sort of disappointed in you which… well, you could be a coffee snob. You just didn’t have the time, usually. A flat white kept you going through the day, you didn’t need anything else. And so, Tim hands you a very bland coffee, and it is god sent. You can’t imagine how good it would be if you had mustered up your courage and asked for some caramel syrup.
Huh, you could be a coffee snob. You could be anything you wanted, really. And your first thought is being a coffee snob. Good God.
“Are you going to be staying?“ Bruce Wayne asks, immediately putting you on the spot. You weren’t ready for this, you were thinking about the coffees you could buy. Oh no, you really aren’t ready for this.
“At least for now, right?” Tim Drake says, just making it all the more stressful. You let out an awkward chuckle, fingers tight around your drink.
“Oh, I don’t want to be an inconvenience-”
Damian Wayne slams his mug down on the table, so hard a crack splinters up its side. He picks the cup up, strides across the kitchen, narrowed green eyes meeting yours for a second, and then he dumps the cup in a secret rubbish can. He murmurs an apology to the butler and then is out of the room.
Okay, well, you certainly feel like an inconvenience.
The butler clears his throat, and says, “Please forgive young master Damian. He’s been having a difficult time recently, I hope you can understand.”
And you think, ‘bitch, a difficult time?! He’s not the one who almost died last night!’ but what you say is, “Of course, I completely understand. I don’t want to bother him anymore so I’d really like to leave today.”
Mr. Wayne laces his fingers together, blue eyes giving you an assessing look.
“Stay for the day, and you can leave tonight. I want to make sure you’re truly alright,” he eventually says, and the mere presence of the man has you yielding to his commands. Didn’t really matter you were an adult who’d managed to survive this long on your own, you were listening to the big scary guy when he told you what to do.
Well, that’s that! You make your cereal and have a very quiet breakfast. You can’t tell if they’re being quiet because you’re here, or if mornings are usually like this. You hope they’re usually like this. Once you’ve finished your very nice cereal (one of the highest rated on Dick’s Instagram) you place the bowl by the sink. You want to wash it, but when you ask Alfred he gives you a look like you kicked his dog. Okay, you’ll just go then.
You’re about to sneak away, when you realise Tim’s staring at you… again…? But this time he seems quite focused on your clothing. His eyes follow the double lines on the side of your sweatpants, before settling on the Beatles logo on your shirt. He hums at it. Raises his brows.
“I’m sorry, I borrowed this because I didn’t have any other clothes. Is there something wrong with me wearing this?” you ask, and then experience a moment of horror, “This doesn’t belong to you, does it?”
“Hmm?” Tim chirps, “Oh, no, don’t worry. It’s not mine.”
And then he turns away from you in a very clear dismissal. Nice, you really wanted to go hide for an hour or two. With one last awkward wave to Bruce Thomas Wayne, you scurry out of the kitchen and back to the bedroom you’d started thinking of as yours. You need to figure out how you're going to handle all this, and you're going to do it alone. Maybe with some dessert, if you can find it. You wouldn't say you think better with sugar running in your veins, but it definitely makes you more willing to deal with the bullshit that is your life. Hopefully it'd work in your new one, too.
-
Tim listens to your retreating footsteps, waiting till you’re far enough away to begin talking to Bruce. Humans were creatures of habit, so you’d probably be going back to the same room you slept in last night. He thinks Damian and him were the only ones who noticed whose shirt you were wearing, B’s off his game today. You’ve really managed to mess him up, to Tim’s delight.
“See? Dames was totally fine with her being here,” Tim says, cheerily enjoying his youngest sibling’s suffering. Bruce sighs, witheringly, lifting his hand to rub against the headache he always has. He’s probably noticed the excited, slightly fanatic gleam that’s entered into Tim’s eyes.
It was sort of obvious. This was all so exciting! You’d come back, sporting absolutely none of the defensive vitriol you usually have, and ate breakfast together. You took a coffee out of Tim’s hands. You’d willingly spoken to the devil, who everybody in the family knew hated you as much as you hated him, and even more than that-
You’d spoken to Bruce. Tim was sporting the idea that you’d gotten head trauma, at this point in time.
“Okay, fine. You get the mission, but-” Tim has to resist the urge to clap his hands together like a gleeful child “-but no extra cameras. I’m serious, Tim, if I find out you’ve invaded her privacy just after she’s starting to warm up to us again-”
“She wouldn’t know,” Tim complains, cutting the Bat off with a roll of his eyes.
“She’s smarter than you’d think,” Bruce shakes his head. Tim has to disagree, after the catastrophe that was last night. Unless of course, you were just playing with them all. So many options, it’s dizzying.
“We’ll shelve that argument for later. So, I want full control of the case, and in turn, I’ll do another two weeks as CEO,” Tim waves off Bruce’s complaints, going straight into haggling. The CEO position was tossed between the two of them like a hot potato, and it was one of Tim’s favourite bargaining tools.
“I am absolutely not agreeing to that, a month and nothing less.”
“This is why half your children don’t talk to you, but sure, whatever. Chase away your last, loyal loving son-”
“My God, Tim. Three fucking weeks, and if I hear another word I will hand this matter over to Grayson,” Bruce sighs, sounding a bit defeated.
Tim gives an offended gasp, placing his hand against his chest. And then he realises Bruce might actually be serious, and freaks out a bit.
“He’d be bad for it. Far too personally involved. You definitely don’t want to do that,” he says, leg bouncing under the table. Of course, the Bat notices, but he doesn’t mention it. He wouldn’t take this from Tim, they both knew he was getting too frazzled around the edges. He needed something to focus on, to ground him.
You were the perfect project. He loved his projects.
“I am aware. But the girls are out of town, and uncontactable. And I think if I gave Damian this assignment the two of them would kill each other.”
“No Jason option, sir?” Tim says because he’s a shit-stirrer and wants to get to work.
Tim succeeds in chasing Bruce away. He’s left to have his coffee in peace as the old man quickly flees the room at the mention of the son he's on the worst terms with. For the next few hours, Tim taps away on his computer, enjoying his time.
And when the front doors open, his ears prick, and a decidedly evil grin spreads on his face.
“I’m home!” Dick calls out, words travelling through the grand manor.
Tim gets up from his seat and wanders leisurely to the main hall, where Dick stands. He’s got a suitcase by his side, filled with all the things he’s brought up from the Blud. When he spots Tim, Dick’s face spreads in a familiar sunny smile. He quickly rushes to Tim’s side, swallowing the younger brother in a hug. Tim groans at the tight squeezing.
Despite his clinginess, it was good to see him. His tanned skin glowed healthily, and his curly black hair was messy over his brow. Sapphire blue eyes sparkled. He was happy to be home, despite everything that was going on. Dick always looked like he’d just gotten back from a run because he usually had. It was hard to get the guy to sit still for even a minute, much less stop parkouring over every imaginable surface.
“Tim! How’s it been? Ah, it’s so good to be home,” Dick starts, and again, Tim groans. When Dick starts yammering he never stops.
“I’m good, man. We can talk later, you should go put your things away before Alfred does,” Tim reminds Dick, and Dick pouts. It was a general rule that unless it was cooking, the family wasn’t supposed to rely on Alfred for everything.
“Alright, alright. I’ll be down in a minute! I have so much to tell you,” Dick relents, hand lifting to mess with his hair. Tim pushes him off, glaring at the man, and Dick laughs.
Tim gives Dick a tired wave as the gymnast bounds up the stairs to his bedroom. Tim watches him disappear down the hallways, and thinks, ‘I wish I could see this happen.’ He sighs, guess he’ll just have to hear Dick retell the story later. The distant sound of your shrieking voice has him chuckling. Yeah, he’ll hear about it later, he’s sure.
Tumblr media
MASTERLIST - NEXT
1K notes · View notes
wheeboo · 2 months
Text
one day at a time | jeon wonwoo
Tumblr media
SYNOPSIS. in which after tip-toeing beyond the line of friends to lovers, you're suddenly scared to be vulnerable, but your boyfriend is there beside you with every step of the way. PAIRING. jeon wonwoo x gn!reader (ft. a mention of jihoon) GENRE. fluff, comfort, established relationship WARNINGS. reader has a very prominent fear of being vulnerable, mild cursing, one brief kiss, reader is supposedly good at math, wonu being a tease n being just a sweetheart :((, self-indulgent as always oops WORD COUNT. 2.2k
notes: a bday fic w our fav comfort person because the world needs some healing. enjoy <3 there seems to be a recurring theme with all my wonu fics abt... shit like this HAHAH. sorry if it seems repetitive every time lmao
Tumblr media
Is it normal to be... scared in a relationship?
Well, according to Google and your endless search history on Quora and Reddit, it is. And while that does sort of help those thoughts in a way, it doesn't thaw the way you're practically tense on top of the couch right now𑁋Wonwoo's couch, specifically.
Your apartment had caught a leak and Wonwoo had offered to be your first line of support, asking you to stay over at his place for the time being. Jihoon, a friend you made in the same apartment as yours and who somehow was not affected by the leak at all, called you out on your antics for asking to stay at his place while you had a whole ass boyfriend to go to instead.
And admittedly, it does seem a bit stupid to not go to Wonwoo at first, even if he did live a good twenty minutes away from you. He still made the drive and now here you are𑁋sitting on his couch, frozen as a rock, because you realise you haven't stayed the night at his place yet ever since you both started dating, and the thought has been scaring you shitless.
You don't expect for anything to happen when you're here; you're just here to stay the night and that's all, right?
"I'm sorry, I should've prepared more if I knew you were coming," Wonwoo says while coming up to you with a glass of water in his hand, offering it to you.
You take it from him gratefully. "It's okay, you didn't know." Then you lower your gaze to the floor, adding on a quiet, "Thank you though."
A small smile crosses over Wonwoo's face as he takes a seat right next to you with a glass of water of his own, the couch dipping slightly from his weight. Nothing but a steady silence engulfs the two of you, except for the hums of the air conditioner that were sending the smallest bits of goosebumps travelling down your skin.
You and Wonwoo have only been dating for a few short months, but have known each other since your high school days. He probably knows you like the lines on the palm of his hand. The familiarity should have made this easier, right?
And yet, sitting here on his couch, you feel like a stranger. It's not that you're uncomfortable with Wonwoo himself. In fact, quite the opposite. You can talk to him for hours, laugh with him easily, but there's a certain intimacy you haven't crossed yet, and the thought of it sends a jolt through you. You've had sleepovers many times when you were friends, but now... this is different.
"You're tense."
You nearly lose your grip on your glass of water at that. "Am I?"
Wonwoo just chuckles faintly, placing his glass on the coffee table.
"Just a little," he says gently, not wanting to make you feel more self-conscious than you already do. "Am I making you nervous?"
There's a pinch of tease behind his words, yet there's also a hint of concern. You steal a glance at him, his eyes a soft, a warm brown that usually makes you feel safe and understood, and a soft smile playing on his lips. But right now, his gaze seems to see right through you, picking you apart piece-by-piece, and it makes a blush creep up your face.
"Just a little," You respond, shy at the way you attempted to mimic his tone. "I'm sorry, I-I know it's stupid. We've had sleepovers before but now it's𑁋"
"Different?"
"Yeah," You finish simply. "Different."
"It doesn't have to be that different if you don't want it to be," Wonwoo reassures you, leaning just a tad bit closer to you but not to the point that your limbs are touching. There's a tiny bit of space between the tips of your knees, but it's still close enough to send flutters to the pit of your stomach. "We're still us."
Wonwoo catches a glance at the way you're fiddling with your hands in front of you, a nervous habit you haven't entirely tackled quite just yet. He has the urge to reach over and bring your hand into his, but he doesn't𑁋not right now, at least.
"I just... I used to be so talkative with you when we weren't dating," You admit tentatively. "and now, if I say something you'll... I feel like you'll see me differently. I'm just..."
You gaze down at your hands like they held the answer, dry palms pressed together tightly.
"...I'm worried about how vulnerability could… affect us now, you know?"
You've been vulnerable with Wonwoo before as friends, like your conversations late at night on a FaceTime call when you confided in each other about your dreams, fears, and bucket list goals. Yet, now that your relationship has shifted, your heart feels more exposed, more prone to being hurt.
The thought of someone holding your heart in their hands feels like leaving it wide open for them to crush.
Wonwoo doesn't respond immediately, instead opting to study you. You feel the way his gaze sweeps over your face, taking in the way your brows furrow and the way your lips are pressed together in a thin line. Then, a slow smile spreads across his lips, one that reaches his eyes and crinkles the corners slightly.
"Then let's start off small." He adjusts himself on the couch, criss-crossing his legs together and scooting just a bit more towards you. The way he fixes his glasses too makes your mind hazy. "Tell me about your day today."
You lift a brow at that. "My day?" Then a frown forms at your mouth. "Don't you already know how my day went?"
Wonwoo hums dreamily, adjusting himself so that he's facing you more directly. 
"It’s different when you tell me," he says amusedly. "I like listening to you."
A small, nervous laugh leaves you, feeling the tension in your shoulders dissipating away slightly. 
"Well, I woke up to that leak," You start, rolling your eyes playfully. "And the whole morning was spent trying to get the landlord. When he finally sent someone over, I was told I shouldn’t sleep in the apartment for a few days while they fixed it. So, I panicked a bit, and that's when I, uh, called you, which made me feel… a lot better."
Wonwoo’s lips curl up at that. 
"See," he says softly. "You're already doing it. Sharing with me. And I appreciate it. Really."
There’s a wave of relief that washes over you, taking away some of the nervous jitters that had settled within you. Taking another sip of water, you place the glass right next to Wonwoo’s on the table, before mirroring his position on the couch, the space between the two of you shrinking a little more. The soft glow of the lamp behind him casts a dim glow throughout the room, and the hum of the air conditioner lulls you into a sense of calm. 
"Now…" Wonwoo pauses for a few seconds to think, and the way his brows furrowed together in concentration makes your heart skip a beat. "Tell me a little fun fact about you."
"A fun fact?" You repeat, a bit taken aback, before crossing your arms together. "You already know pretty much everything about me though."
"Trust me, I don’t," Wonwoo claims, the tips of his fingers momentarily brushing against yours that were resting on the cushion of the couch. "And even if I did, I wouldn’t get tired of relearning you."
Oh, perhaps you melt a little inside at his words; there’s a small, inconspicuous nudge to the edges of your heart. It wasn’t begging to be let in, but it was gently knocking, as if asking for permission. 
"Okay," You start. "I can recite the first fifteen numbers of Pi."
Wonwoo snorts at that. "You can?"
"I can! See: Three, point, one, four, one, five, nine, two, six, five, three, five, eight, nine𑁋"
"Was that why you were so good at algebra back then?"
"I was not good; I was decent."
"Same thing, really."
You scoff playfully, hoping that it would hide how much this praise is getting to you and making your heart stutter even more. You were quite literally ordinary throughout high school, and the same thing could probably be said about Wonwoo. The two of you were simply ordinary, and yet here you are today, sitting together on his couch, sharing a moment that feels nothing short of extraordinary. 
Wonwoo shifts his position so that his legs are crossed together on the couch and he leans a little closer, the gap between you narrowing further. His fingers brush lightly against yours again, a subtle touch that sends some goosebumps running down your body. 
"Can I hold your hand?"
The question is straightforward, simple even. Yet the simplicity of it makes your breath hitch in your throat. You meet Wonwoo's warm gaze, noticing the slight anticipation in his eyes, and your heart skips a beat.
So, you simply hold your hand out to him, and he takes it in his own, grip tender yet firm. And then he chuckles. 
For a moment, you want to take your hand away, but the way he’s holding it𑁋all gently and preciously, eyes examining over it like it’s some delicate treasure𑁋well, you’d feel like a fool if you did that. His chuckle is soft, almost a whisper, and it feels like it’s wrapping around you like a hug.
"What’s so funny?" You ask him.
Wonwoo tilts his head thoughtfully. "I’ve dreamed of this, you know. Holding your hand."
"You… you have?"
"It’s cheesy, isn’t it?" Wonwoo clicks his tongue, letting his thumb slowly run over your knuckles. "I’d see you shivering during winter and my first thought would be to hold your hand. Or whenever we sat next to each other in class, I’d look at you and think, 'I wonder what their hands feel like'. At first, I believed I thought this way because I was young and curious, but now, I think it's because I've always wanted to be close to you in this way."
Then he cradles your hand with both of his, the warmth of his palms seeping through the crevices of your heart, your entire being. 
"I like being vulnerable with you," Wonwoo admits bashfully, mindlessly playing with your fingers. If he could hold it forever, he would. "even if you’re scared of it. I like letting you into my life. I like knowing that you know me. I like you. And if you’re scared right now, that’s okay. You’re letting me hold your hand right now𑁋that’s a big step. One day at a time, right?" 
It suddenly becomes quiet enough for you to hear your own heart right now. Wonwoo seems closer to you than ever before, close enough you don’t know where to look. Your eyes flicker from his eyes, to his ears, down to the way your hands still haven’t let each other go yet, and finally, halting at the curve of his lips. 
Then a sudden impulse hits you. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips against his, a quick, chaste kiss, before pulling away instantly and sliding your hand out of his, feeling your face immediately flush out of embarrassment. 
"Sorry, that was, uh…" You pause, reaching out for your near-empty glass of water on the table and downing the rest like a shot of liquor. Gosh, the room feels so hot right now. 
Even Wonwoo finds himself tugging at the collar of his shirt awkwardly, a light blush tinting his cheeks. He clears his throat, readjusts his glasses on his nose, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Why are you saying sorry?"
"For… for kissing you! And It was a bad kiss too…"
"There’ll be better kisses later on."
You could probably drink an entire pitcher of water right after that. Your mouth parts open as you stare at him for a minute, taken aback by his nonchalant response. He seems unfazed, almost amused by your embarrassment. 
The way you look so shocked and flustered and cute right now has a low laugh escaping from Wonwoo’s lips, and it’s infectious enough to send you into an embarrassed, somewhat awkward fit of giggles as well. 
The two of you are sitting side-by-side just like the first minute you sat on his couch, some space between but closer than it was before. The tension has definitely dissipated and a new comfort has taken its place. A comfortable silence. A simple moment between two people, and two hearts that are beating as one. 
A small tap at your hand makes you look back up, and you see Wonwoo holding his hand out toward you with his pinky finger extended.
"One day at a time?" he asks. 
All you do is smile softly, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders as you intertwine your pinky finger with his with hardly any hesitation.
"One day at a time." 
One day at a time, You repeat to yourself in your head. For good measure.
Tumblr media
taglist (open) ʚɞ @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @eternalgyu
@lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @ryuwonieebae @wonwooz1
@mark-geolli @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @aaniag @wootify @carlesscat-thinklogic23
@phenomenalgirl9 @mirxzii @bookyeom @parkjennykim @melodicrabbit
@bewoyewo @honglynights @bananabubble @treehouse-mouse @starshuas
@totomoshi @armycarat2612 @etherealyoungk @maesvtr0
967 notes · View notes
dixons-sunshine · 6 months
Text
Breathe With Me | Young!Daryl Dixon x Young!Fem!Reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Summary: With you and Daryl being in a good place, kissing coming naturally to you both and cuddling no longer awkward, it was inevitable that your make out sessions would start to heat up into something else. However, in the heat of what should've been a hot moment, Daryl's mind started to wander to it's usual self deprecating depths. Luckily, you were there to help him through it.
Genre: Kinda angsty but mainly fluff
Era: Pre outbreak.
Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams universe.
Warnings: Swearing, suggestive themes, self deprecating thoughts, hyperventilation/panic attack.
Word count: 1.2k
A/n: Another young!Daryl fic in a span of not even two days? Who would've thought it was possible? It's mainly because I've been enjoying writing for young!Daryl recently, and I'd be happy to get any requests for this au. Also, I've never personally experienced a panic attack myself and this is all based off of what Google told me, so if any of it is inaccurate, please let me know so I can fix it. Other than that, I hope you enjoy!
As always, my requests are open for any TWD requests, as well as Scud Frohmeyer requests.
“Oh, fuck.”
“Shit, girl. Yer gon' be the death of me.”
You giggled against his lips, allowing him to push you down onto the bed. He followed soon after, moving to hover over you before reattaching his lips to yours hungrily. He used one of his hands to hold his weight up, the other one wandering over your exposed stomach. Your shirt was already disposed of and long forgotten, leaving you clad in only your shorts and bra.
To your surprise, when your hands wandered under Daryl's shirt, he only hesitated for a quick moment before withdrawing from the kiss and tugging his shirt over his head. Old and new scars were on display for you, leaving Daryl completely vulnerable under your gaze.
You smiled at him and pulled him down for another kiss, a silent way of thanking him for trusting you. It wasn't the first time that you had seen his scars—you had helped him with his wounds too many times too count, leaving you familiar with all of his scars—but you always tried to make sure that he knew you didn't judge him. You loved every part of him, scars and all.
You gasped against his lips when he let his hand trail down, his fingers lightly tracing over your clothed cunt. His tongue entered your mouth and he groaned at the taste. He pulled back momentarily to look at you, his pupils blown with lust.
“Fuck, yer so perfect,” he whispered, leaning down to leave a trail of kisses from your jaw to your neck.
You moaned when he kissed a particularly sensitive spot, leaning your head back to grant him better access. Your mind was starting to get cloudy, the only thought on your mind being how good Daryl was making you feel. Admittedly, you were also nervous, since this would be your first time doing something like this, but you trusted Daryl. He wouldn't ever hurt you.
In an unexpected move, you managed to roll you both over. Daryl's eyes slightly widened in wonder, before smiling and leaning up for another kiss. His hands settled on your waist, allowing you to take the reigns for the moment.
Daryl was thoroughly enjoying himself. However, when he felt you subconsciously grind your hips against his, his mind zoomed in and focused on one thing—you would regret this. You would regret giving your first time to someone like him. He would be terrible at this and you'd finally kick him to the curb after figuring it out. He didn't deserve to have you in this way, in your most vulnerable state.
You would regret him.
Daryl's breathing started becoming erratic. Although you could've easily misinterpreted it as him simply getting more turned on, something told you it wasn't that. You pulled back from the kiss and looked at him, noticing the slightly pained expression on his face. His breathing was quick and choked off, and he seemed to be in some sort of daze. You instantly knew something was wrong.
“Daryl, hey, look at me,” you whispered, cupping his cheek and gently urging him to look at you. When his blue eyes met yours, you could very clearly see the panic in them.
Instantly, all previous lustful thoughts left your mind, concern for your boyfriend taking root in their place. You knew exactly what was happening; Daryl was busy having a panic attack. You helped him into a sitting position, still straddling his lap. You grabbed his hand and placed it on your chest right above your heart, hoping to divert his attention away from whatever negative thoughts were plaguing his mind.
Still looking deeply into his eyes, you gently caressed his cheek with the hand that wasn't holding his over your heart. “Try to breathe with me, okay?” you whispered, starting to breathe in a controlled rhythm.
Daryl nodded and began to copy your breathing, his sounding more choked up than yours. He tightened his grip on your waist with his hand that was still resting there, desperately trying to ground himself back to reality. It took a while, with you soothingly rubbing your thumb over his cheekbone and breathing with him in a controlled rhythm, but soon he was calming down.
Daryl felt ashamed of himself. There the two of you were, half naked and sharing what should've been a blissful, enjoyable experience, and he let himself get into his own head. He let his own insecurities get in the way. He should've just sucked it up, but instead he just had to ruin the moment.
“M'sorry,” he muttered, looking down to avoid what he thought would've been a disappointed stare.
You frowned slightly and gently grabbed his face with both hands, urging him to look at you. “Hey, it's okay,” you assured him. When he shook his head in denial, your grip became more firm. “It is okay. Don't blame yourself for something that was out of your control, alright? Do you wanna talk about it?”
Daryl hesitated for a moment, but nodded slowly. “I jus' got into my own head. I was nervous and convinced myself ya would regret givin' yer virginity to me. Started feelin' overwhelmed. M'sorry.”
You pressed a kiss against his forehead, giving him a reassuring smile. “Don't be sorry. I get it. I was nervous too, you know? But I wouldn't have regretted anything. I trust you. There's no one I'd rather do this with. But it's okay if that doesn't happen right now. I'm ready whenever you are.”
Daryl gave you a small smile before leaning forward to rest his forehead against your shoulder. “M'still sorry. I was lookin' forward to this.”
“Me too, but it can wait. Let's get you taken care of, okay? And I don't wanna hear any buts, mister.”
Daryl nodded. “Alrigh',” he agreed, but made no effort to lift you off his lap. Instead, he pulled you closer to him, hugging you tightly. “Thank you fer understandin'.”
“Of course.”
There was a lot of things going through Daryl's mind at that moment. Despite your reassuring words, he still felt awful for what happened, his mind continuing to shame him. However, with your hands now gently threading through his hair to bring him some comfort, not giving a damn that you were still half naked and straddling him, he forced his mind to shut up.
And in that moment, it was confirmed in his mind—Daryl Dixon knew that he was never letting you go.
©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.
778 notes · View notes
wonysugar · 10 months
Text
fuck you stupid | ning yizhuo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
synopsis : you thought you’d seen it all with her, but no, she somehow managed to surprise you even further.
pairing : bimbo!ningning x fem!reader
genre : bffs to... fwb?? idk they just fuck,, so obviously smut too! xx
tags : yall got lost help, fingering, degradation, belittling, dumbification, car sex, she's so stupid but she fucks you good so it's okay, very slight cunnilingus, she slaps you like once so impact play!
warnings : none!
word count : 1.6k
Tumblr media
you, y/n l/n, weren’t exactly smart, but you also weren’t exactly stupid. like yeah, you weren’t a genius per se, but it’s not like you were brain dead either. average was the term you always used to describe your intelligence.
you unfortunately couldn’t say the same about ning yizhuo, your best friend. 
you loved her, like that’s your bitch, of course you love her! however, you’d be lying if you said that she was intellectually capable, because she just wasn’t. god, she was just so, so painfully stupid?? clumsy??? careless???? all of the above applied when it came to this woman. not even to be mean or anything of the sorts, just, yknow… natural selection at its finest.
she was aware of that, though, and even thrived in being the self proclaimed bimbo everyone knew and loved. (to which you wholeheartedly agree with, by the way) and honestly? you just couldn’t stop teasing her about it whenever you two hung out. things similar to “stupid hoe” and “dumbass” always escaping your mouth as you two laughed, probably moments after she bumped onto something on the sidewalk whilst spilling all the tea to you. 
in summary, she’s done stupid shit before, but nothing, nothing could ever top what she had done that day.
the day she got the both of you lost in some random parking lot at like, 2 am.
“ning, we’re fucking lost.” you told her, eyebrows furrowed in frustration as you watched her giggle nervously.
she grabbed her cellphone and hovered her finger over the power button, “oh come on y/n don’t be like that, i can just go on google maps and we’ll be out of here in no ti-“
a black screen.
she cleared her throat hesitantly, sighed, then pressed the button again.
nothing.
she kept doing that, giving longer presses to the side of her phone in hopes of a miracle . your patience was running thin and you were quite frankly not far from panicking.
after the 27th-ish try, you finally snapped at her.
“fucking hell ning do you not charge your damn phone??” 
“sorry that i forgot to?” 
oh she had to be joking. 
“girl oh my god what the fuck?? we’ll stay stuck here for only god knows how long and it’s all gonna be because ‘ning yizhuo forgot to charge her phone beforehand’ for fuck’s sake.” you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose in exasperation. trying to calm down, you ignored ning’s gaze.
her stupid annoying yapping wasn’t helping at all. like, at all.
“oh so we’re once again blaming me, got it. y/n you didn’t even bring your own phone, how do you have the audacity to put the blame on me.” she said back, her eyebrow raised up as she threw her phone down on her skirt, sighing exasperatedly. 
“because someone told me it was her turn to get the aux.”
“where in that sentence did i ever tell you not to bring your phone??”
“god, ning just- just stay quiet. okay? just- please shut up, i’m trying to think. we can’t rely on you for anything.” you told her, exasperated.
in response, she scoffed, “no?? no i won’t, actually. you’re always putting the blame on me and it’s seriously starting to piss me the fuck off. yeah i’m a bimbo, whatever, but does that mean that you have to talk to me like i only have two barely functioning brain cells??” 
“oh please, saying you have two functioning brain cells would be wayy too generous. you’re always doing the stupidest shit out of the two of us. i mean fuck, you literally drove us here, in the middle of nowhere. you’re not a bimbo, you’re just fucking dumb, ning.”
when you looked back at her, she seemed hurt. like, 
a wave of guilt quickly washed over you upon seeing her pained, pained expression. she looked into your eyes, frustration and sadness clearly showing into her own. yeah, she looked pissed. you wanted to apologize almost immediately, and you were going to, 
if she didn’t suddenly press her lips onto yours before you could even get a word out. 
-
how do best friends make up after a fight?
usually, they talk it out, they go out, hug it out then get milkshakes or whatever, hell, sometimes they just go a day or two without talking then eventually forget about it.
this? this was none of that.
since she planted a kiss on your lips, you, instead of doing anything stated above, were fucking.
like, yeahh you were still lost, but at least you were getting your pussy ravaged. the situation could be handled later; when you weren’t drenched.
throwing your head back as you moaned out ning’s name, you were straddling her in the backseat of her car, feeling her two fingers deep inside you and stretching you out. she looked up at you with lustfully hooded eyes as she kissed and left very visible marks all over your neck, all the way down to your collarbone, her free hand fondling your tits, lazily playing with the nipple. 
“f-fuck ning keep going i’m sososo close- fuckfuckfuck..” feeling yourself getting pushed closer to the edge by the friction you felt, you bucked your hips faster onto her digits. the knot tying in your stomach felt like it would’ve snapped any second now, that is,
until she stopped moving her fingers altogether.
frustrated, you whined loudly, “ninggg please let me cum pleaseplease-” 
“oh yeah? so now you wanna rely on me for something, and it’s to make you cum?” she laughed. “fucking slut. i’ll make you cum whenever i want to, got it, bitch?” she added, pressing her thumb on your swollen throbbing clit, smirking condescendingly and watching how pretty you looked when pleasure contorted your face.
you unintentionally clenched at her words, nodding shamefully. it was embarrassing enough having your best friend knuckles deep inside of you, having her call you names and whatnot, but the real embarrassing part? 
enjoying it thoroughly.
she knew this, she knew she had you wrapped around her finger at that moment and oh was it such a power trip for her. seeing you be so needy for her touch, you almost started riding her fingers yourself, too. she was always the one being treated like a dumb bitch, it was nice being on the other side of things, for a change. 
she kept twisting and pulling on your nipple with her free hand as she slowly started to slide her fingers up and down your walls again, giggling and paying close attention to how your body shook and twitched at each and every one of her slow movements. what a sight to see. 
“you like being fucked stupid hm?”
and that’s what she did,
seconds,
minutes,
what felt likes hours,
you were sloppily bouncing and grinding on her fingers, speed ranging from a painful slowness to an overwhelming rapidity. 
you gripped her arms tightly, as if you would fall into some sort of void if you didn’t hold onto her for dear life. resting your head on her shoulder, you whined, losing yourself onto her. her fingers were still pumping in and out of you at that moment, faster than they were before, by the way, so it took you all of your body strength to not just cum right then and there, but you managed to hold back. for her, you held back and took all of it. every minute passing, every single motion feeling like it was threatening to make you go insane. 
“ning pleaseplease let me cum i wanna cum so badly fuck- pleasepleasepleasepleaseee-” you begged, looking down at her with pleading teary eyes.
“fuck, look at you. calling me a dumb bitch all the time, yet here you are, acting oh so stupid for my fingers. such a brainless needy little whore for me, hm? does my idiotic, pretty girl wanna cum?” 
you nodded eagerly as you whined, tears actively running down both of your cheeks, so desperate for release that you quite honestly didn’t care for how ridiculous you looked to her at that moment. you just wanted to cum, so, so, so badly, and you were ready to give up your dignity for it.
the sound of her hand slapping your cheek resonated in the car.
“say it. you know damn well i don’t accept pathetic sounds for an answer.”
“fuck— your idiotic pretty girl wants to cum pleaseee let her–”
she hummed, smirking at your response. incredibly amused by your behavior, she took her fingers out of you, picked you up by placing her hands on your thighs, then gently put you on the empty seat that was next to the one she occupied. upon seeing you sat comfortably, she proceeded to kneel down on the empty space between the front seats and the backseats. y’know,
the ones a grown woman couldn’t possibly fit in?
it’s okay though, like, yeah she would most definitely complain about back pain later, but right now?
she needed to feel you cum all over her tongue.
and that’s exactly what she worked towards, her tongue driven by the scent of your arousal to roam all over your folds and clit, kissing and sucking on every inch of your core as she attentively listened to all the sweet noises that came out of you. it really did not take long before your moans reached octaves you didn’t even know you could achieve before, an overwhelming wave of relief hitting you like a truck. you were 100% sure you would pass out afterwards.
at the end of the day, yeah, you both were still stranded in the middle of some unknown parking lot, but at least, the stress of it all evaporated in the air.
while you were trying to catch your breath, you made a mental note;
never underestimate ning’s intelligence when she was in a bad mood! or, do. depending on if you wanna get fucked stupid that day or not.
Tumblr media
1K notes · View notes
gay-dorito-dust · 2 months
Note
Fiquei completamente apaixonada pelo imagine que você fez do Logan/Wade/Reader, queria muito outro assim, nada em especial, só mais sobre o relacionamento dos três (I'm really bad with requests, sorry)
(Rough translation by google: I was completely in love with the imagine you made of Logan/Wade/Reader, I really wanted another one like that, nothing in particular, just more about the relationship of the three) if it’s translated something within the request wrong, let me know.
Tumblr media
Emotional support isn’t either Wade nor Logan’s strong suit. one made a massive joke out of everything, even his own feelings, while the other suppressed them unhealthily.
So needless to say if emotional comfort is what you were after, you were unfortunately out of luck but that didn’t mean that the pair were about to leave you to suffer alone during such a rough time in your life. Wade and Logan will find a way to help you anyway they could.
Wade would insist that you both have a spontaneous day where you’d do anything that came to your mind without judgment. You may or may not end up making dick cookies together in the kitchen whilst wearing your matching unicorn onesie pyjamas, covered in flour and other stuff.
Ass slaps -consensual of course- are a common occurrence between you, Wade and Logan…well mainly you and Wade…but Logan will gently tap your ass before kissing your forehead, meanwhile giving Wade the hardest slap that would leave a hand shape bruise that would last a week.
Cuddles are something that’s also frequent in your relationship with Wade and Logan but most -if not all- of the time you were in the middle of the both of them, leeching off of their warmth like the parasite you were but you were living the life.
Wade doesn’t care whether he’s the big or small spoon as either way he gets to be close to you in some capacity, where as Logan likes to be the big spoon so he could keep you safe and protected, always sleeping with his back to the door so that if anything were to happen they’d have to get through him.
Wade’s petnames for you are:
Cutie patootie with the booty
Peanut (something he also calls Logan)
Pookie/pookie bear
Sexiest person alive
Logan’s petnames for you are:
Darling
Sweetheart
That’s pretty much it as he’s not too overly worried about petnames, where as Wade has a thousand more up his sleeve that he pulls out of nowhere.
You and Wade would sometimes blatantly check out Logan whenever he’s shirtless and doing his one thing while you and Wade laid on the floor, feet kicking in the air as you both admired your hot partner. (Logan is very aware of what you two were doing but didn’t have it in him to say shit)
Dog pool is basically your, Logan and wades child and she is spoilt the fuck by the three of you for being the cutest dog you’ve ever seen. You dressed her up as Mary Poppins once for Halloween and now you have albums upon albums filled with pictures of dog pool in cute doggy costumes. This is her cannon event.
Logan has nightmares and would often act all cold and distant afterwards but you would gently grab his arm and pull him in for a comforting hug. ‘Don’t walk away,’ you said, ‘please we can figure this out together okay? You’ve been alone long enough, don’t for yourself to fall back into old habits when you’ve got two people who care deeply about you and want to see you okay.’ You add as you rub your hand up and down his back reassuringly until you manage to ease him back into bed and fall asleep on top of his chest so he doesn’t move.
You press kisses to Wade’s face and call him handsome, gorgeous, cutie, all sorts of names that have him feeling soft and fuzzy within his chest because he’s aware of how he looks, but you loved him unconditionally and would even help him with toupees and whatnot, though not before telling him that you find him attractive how he is and wouldn’t want him to change for anyone.
You got a lot of kisses and cuddles from him later because you had no right being that fucking cute!
394 notes · View notes