#tbh i have found myself hitting myself on the head a lot about these thoughts the last few days

[raksh-writes]

Oh my god, I just got hit with Such a hardcore urge to do a fresh reinstall of Skyrim and rebuild my mod list from the ground up that it's making it Impossible to focus on anything else and I was supposed to be writing a paper for one of my uni classes today, like why, brain??? Why NOW??? 😭😭

Feels like Im not gonna be able to get my hands on anything else until I do it and it might as well take the whole day ahhhhowpghhiulaergnilaengnalg the fuck is this, help 😭😭

[mitamicah]

I am split whether or not i am happy to have so many hopes for the Malmø and Gothenborg concerts - yesterday for instance i bought rainbow coloured bunny ears for the slight chance that I could gift them to kris. I have made a freaking sign that I hope to show when I hopefully get a barricade spot because I rescheduled the bus to hopefully arrive early for then hopefully have bojan see the sign and love it enough to do what I ask on it (that he write "are you" in my book so I can get it tattooed). On top of that I still have my little personalized packages for the boys in the chance i meet one or more so I hopefully can give them that and a hug and maybe get a pick or a setlist or a drumstick.

Can you guys see what I mean yet?

[flaneur001]

Whitney Theory Time

[CW- talks about mental health, child neglect, random character analysis and unnecessary deep diving into little details (lol)]

I went down a little rabbit hole pertaining to Whitney’s oral fixation. I have known that when something is brought attention to constantly during any story, then it’s not a simple coincidence. I feel like (how Sydney said in the library) that Whitney has a lot going on. And it’s probably not good. I feel like their back story will be very angsty and sad.

So as someone who has studied psychology for a while, I found this…and I feel like I hit the nail on the head (for those morbidly curious like me this is Freud’s theory on oral fixation…and yeah don’t judge me for going all Freudian analysis on Whitney/silly)

So chances of our Whit being a neglected child are very high. But from their general appearance in the game (m!whitney wearing a blazer and f!whitney wearing a long school skirt. Both items are on the costlier side in game) I feel like they come from a well off family? the general hate towards the privileged people they hold, points to either them living a life of privilege but they are so miserable they want to escape? (Tbh their whole schtick sometimes gives rich kid doing all kinds of weird stuff trying to get attention from their absentee parents trope)

Or maybe used to be a part of a well off family? I feel like they are not being able to cope with the sudden change in their lifestyle if this is the case. Thus are trying to sell this fearless image of themselves.

And Is it just me or do you find it weird too that although Whitney is sent to detention Leighton almost never does anything to Whitney besides scolding? I feel like they do come from a powerful background. Otherwise why would all these lackeys follow them around?! And they own a phone to top it all off. I know all the other NNPCs have a phone too but amongst the LIs only Whitney (and Avery) owns a phone?!

The lowkey neurotic and manic tendencies they have towards PC also screams of separation anxiety. (Ahem collection of stuff toys?) For example, them needing to control PC at all times. Their love stat going high only when PC willingly chooses to act on their every whimsical/cruel wishes, them wanting to tattoo their name on PCs face of all places, not being able to be more open/ vulnerable with PC because they feel that PC might leave them.

And their dismissal event also shows just how much their image matters to them, and why they crave to be in control. This is yet another trait they share with Avery, when on low dominance, you can see how humiliated they get whenever PC fights back with them. Add insecurity about looks on top and viola, you have some deep childhood issues (I love complex fully fleshed characters so much)

Also the not being sufficiently fed during nursing part (I’m referring to the picture above) makes me think that the Headcanon about their parents being divorced and maybe their mom moving out at a very young age, seems like a possibility. Hence Whitney not being able to withstand emotional cheating seems like a result of that (I’m just spitballing here…)

So yeah. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. I feel good after hyperfixating about a fictional character.

[Bonus Angst Headcanon] I like to imagine, if it indeed turns out that Whitney lives in some mansion with their dad, and their mom left when they were young, why do I get a feeling that their mom left them/ said goodbye to them near the water fountain on a rainy day. Them just staring into the fountain with a solemn mood, feels like there is a definite reason behind it. Or maybe they used to come to the fountain and make wishes with their mom? (Yes I like to torture myself with sad thoughts)

[celestie0]

Idk if this is weird to ask but can you tell more about your situationship?😭 I’m curious since it inspired the story idkkk

nooo not weird at all haha, i had plans to share more ab it once i was done w kickoff but i dont really mind sharing a bit now (will literally always take up any chance to talk ab it it’s an impulse i cannot resist)

basically i met this guy like halfway through my freshman year of college at a frat event, it was a bit different from kickoff dynamic in that we started hooking up pretty soon after that, just a casual thing, but then the pandemic hit and so he went back home to live w his grandpa/family in new york (i live in cali) once campus shut down and stuff. obviously we couldn’t hook up anymore LMFAO but we still talked a lot and i think it was during this time of just talking to one another that i really started to catch massive feelings for him :”)

i went through some bad anxiety during covid, struggling a lot w my career and if i still wanted to pursue the things i thought i wanted (i think a lot of college students went through this w the pandooski) but he would always be there for me and would stay on facetime calls w me if i was struggling to study, he’d cheer me up w pics of his tibetan dogs lol, just reallyyy sweet ugh when we were long distance i rly saw a side of him i didn’t before and i think that’s what made me fall for him

i confessed to him first, similar to reader in kickoff, n told him we could do long distance until he moved back here. but then he hit me with the “i’m sorry, i can’t date you, i’ve got commitment issues”. in his case, he had a long-term girlfriend in high school for four years who he also was dating into college (before he met me), but he found out she had been cheating on him for a long time w not just one but multiple of his friends 😭 so..he said he has really bad trust issues, and that he really wanted to try to date me, but he just felt like he couldn’t

i was really hurt, obviously, but i think in hindsight maybe it was a responsible decision on his part to not throw me into a mess of a relationship w him, one he knew he wasn’t ready for. but at the time, i just thought that it was bc i wasn’t good enough to change his mind. anyways, he asked if we could still talk and be friends, and i said sure bc i didn’t really want to lose him. i figured i could just wait for him (and i told him that i would)

yeahhh well the waiting was way more fucking painful than i thought. he flew to cali once to visit me when flights were sort of resuming, which is just fucking insane because you’ll fly to see me but you won’t date me 😭, and i told him that it’d be the last time he ever sees me! and it was :”) maybe it was an impulsive decision by me, but idk. yknow when you get stuck in a limbo for what feels like forever that you make a decision just for the sake of making one (it was such a short amt of time in reality, but it felt like forever) he made a comment to me in our last conversation about how he really wished he didn’t have to be someone i had to wait on to change, and that really fuckin stuck w me lmao i cried so hard the drive home from the airport. i think all the “what-ifs” kinda sunk in at that moment

ch7 of kickoff was basically me trying to get inside the head of the guy from my situationship, and see what it’s like to have fears hold you back from wanting to experience something for yourself, something that could be beautiful if you would just give it a chance. i felt like if i wrote it from that angle, i’d have more understanding of my situationship (i dont have commitment issues myself, tbh i’ve never rlly understood the concept. like, i’ve been fucked over by ppl in my life too but i’m never one to punish the next person for it. dealing w my situationship was really hard because of this, i would get really frustrated, but writing ch7 from gojo’s character’s perspective made situationship guy’s feelings make more sense to me, i think, there was a sense of closure in that)

but anyways, i was in love w him for sure. like, possibly infatuated. there was a time where we got into a big argument about something and i think i legit i cried myself into a fever 💀 it was all so crazy and powerful, the feelings, i’ve been involved w n dated other guys since but of course none of it really compares. idk, i guess there are just some people that can make you feel that way, there’s really no use in understanding why.

this sounds so sappy, lmaoo i swear i truly am “over” him in that i hardly think of him that much anymore, n tbh i don’t think of him specifically all that much while i’m writing kickoff, but there are moments where i can’t help but bring those feelings into the story.

there’s a line in ch8, near the end of the bed scene, where reader has a thought like

“You feel so safe with him, and yet you also feel scared, because you like him so much that you would let him ruin you if he wanted to.”

yeah. that’s basically how i felt about him.

[aluria-sevhex]

I BEAT THE GAME

a solid 3rd of my ISAT notes on my phone are just from 'today' (writing this past midnight lol)

my ISAT masterpost

every post in this series is also tagged as #Aluria plays ISAT for the first time (please don't spoil)

please note that there's a bunch of notes in this post because i was still in Act 3 at the beginning of this post lol

-i'm not playing it rn but i have decided to break my 'no looking stuff up' rule so i know where to go to make Sif rember what they say when carving stuff

[WRITING TUMBLR POST ALURIA NOTE: i later looked up maps of the House to help me keep track of stuff lol]

-ok now i know. i like figuring things out myself but i could not fucking remember lol.

-i have a really long car ride so. MORE ISAT

-title theme shout-out

-Sif tripped on a rock. "you're clumsy and not at all threatening and overpowered compared to them!" :(

-they almost forgot to catch Isa :(

-dang, Siffrin didn't say nya this time D:

-hehe they hit it back. one could say it's a... COUNTER-attack B)

-SIFFRIN GHOST ON THE WAY TO THE DORM

-WAIT FUCK DID I FORGET THE SHARPENING STONE

-fuck it i was planning to loop back after finding out what to say anyway

-ah don't i also need to find more i fo on the King somewhere? eh i can do that on the next loop... so much to keep track of...

-LMAO. THE PHRASE SIF SAYS. "please don't look bad please don't look bad please don't look bad" BIG FUCKING MOOD TBH

-Sif on his way to talk to their tools and project while carving or sharpening:

-aight time to die lmao

-Loop my belooped

-hm... it's Loop's job to remember Siffrin's mistakes...

-"you don't have to remember to yell' always gets me :(

-I FOUND THE ARTICLES

-ok so currently i'm thinking that the King and Siffrin are probably from the same place. which may or may not be where Loop is from and/or the disappearing island and/or connected to the color thing.

this game has a lot of weird shit going on.

-Bonnie doesn't know what a star is

-OH FUCK NO. AM I GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO THE OBSERVATORY. I'M LEAVING THAT FOR A LATER LOOP.

-another ghost :0

-ISAT: 📚

ISAT if Siffrin could pick locks: 📕

-WHAT. "you used to find them disgusting, but someone you knew loved them, so you tried them."

"someone you knew?"

"who?"

O_O

-aw, Isa hugged Mira on this bathroom trip

-"you wish for rest" yeah...

-"please be sharp, please be sharp, please be sharp"

-the Keyknife is now the Knifekey. WAIT. THIS MEANS IN THE FUTURE I CAN DO OTHER SHIT ON FLOOR 3. HELL FUCKING YES.

-wait. OH C'MON. boooooooo

-i picked malanga fritters and almost skipped past something that seems important. they remind Siffrin of his parents? :0 their head hurt...

-"BECAUSE YOU FORCED THEM TO!" :(

-"where r u from" "no u"

-JUST FUCKING CONFESS ISA FJHDHEJKSMXMDKSKS

-*sighs* guess i should talk to her. actually... what if i called Loop?

-huh. can't call them here.

-"i just hope that one day you might learn" WAIT THAT'S DIFFERENT- wait nvm i got things mixed up in my head :(

-"in this moment, you were loved"

-"that was a nice rehearsal" OH FUCK.

-i just skipped from loop 37 to 40

-time to kill myself with a banana! oop- *plantain*

-"you broke your head open on a rock" it did not use to describe it like that.

-wait. Sif. if you're annoyed there isn't a more dignified way in the village to loop. just kill yourself. you have a knife. just fucking kill yourself to loop forward.

-...fuck what the hell is this game doing to my thought process

-ok what should i look for in this room...

-"BUT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO READ IT" in large font... :(

-:( Sif is trying to remember something and it's tied to the stars

-aight new thing to ask the king time to get myself killed via tear yippee

-seems like the King wants Siffrin to remember their home... "something we've all forgotten" this is definitely about the disappearing island and the colors

-i need to go to the library and find the books on it.

-hey isn't Rock also called Protection Craft? kinda interesting that the King has it

-damn i died to the King because of timing bullshit ToT

-"one more time."

-huh... it evades active remembrance

-it had a belief centered on the Universe...

-need to figure out why the King is obsessed with Vaugarde

-freezing something perfect in time... do i need to find one of those Time Craft books again?

-gonna loop forward to the King

-"even the King feels easy to fight, now"

"i still can't say it" the name of their home. he wants to be able to say the name of his and Siffrin's home. ouagh this game is going to leave me emotionally devastated ToT

-fuck i missed the option to ask Odile if she was going to continue her fake research on a loop where i didn't spend time with her

-"can we group hug after i talk to the Head Housemaiden?" oh?

-DAMMIT ODILE INTERRUPTED ISA THIS TIME

-time to talk to her. again. again and again and again and again

-"you can start breaking down now" lol

-"the curtain falls" DAMN

-"HERE AGAIN?" woah Loop why so aggressive?

-"i'm too lazy to open up new dialogue choices" lol

-hm... show Loop the souvenirs...

-wait huh. in another loop this lady in Dormont said she has no siblings but now she has a sister. odd...

-:O THE LONG THINGY-THING

-huh. Loop reacted kinda weirdly to the kid's doodle

-hey what if i gave Isa the flower at the end?

-FUCK I FORGOT THE FUCKING ROCK I GOT TOO COMFY. this is embarrassing

-hey hold up the theme that plays when everybody's discussing the country in the library is the same song that plays when Loop is recapping things

-hold up. the King was in Corbeaux. Corbeaux is where the House doing the color research is.

-took the photo. PERFECTLY FROZEN IN TIME

-oh fuck

-calling Loop

-hm. the star-shaped gate that's locked. is the passcode the name of Siffrin and the King's home?

-we're gonna use a bomb i guess

-i asked the King where he's from and uh... now a slowed-down version of the song is playing...

-what the fuck

-Sif and the King are going to die, aren't they?

-"BUT IT'S ALL GONE!"

-i'm going to loop forward and try to talk to the King. again.

-*sighs* the peel is so dorky

-FUCK I FORGOT TO EQUIP THE MEMORY OF KNIFEKEY

-wait. asking him nicely. FUCKING WORKED???

-"The Universe leads... we can only follow"

-FUCK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. OF COURSE. GO FUCK YOURSELF.

-so the King knows about the loops, even though he can't remember them.

-"Wish Craft" :0

-WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO.

-BONNIE NO

-NO NO NO NO UNHAND THEM

-BONNIE NO BONBON NO

-okay. i looped back. Bonnie is okay again. i just need to kill the King.

-hold the fuck up. it says i'm in Act 4. bad things mark the end of acts. Act 1 ended with me getting in the loops. Act 2 ended with killing the King failing. Act 3 ended with...?

-please don't let Bonnie be dead somehow

-THEY'RE OKAY THEY'RE OKAY

-...the little moments of time rewinding seem to correlate with Sif wishing to go back

-:O I CAN READ THE BOOKS NOW

-THE GATE. OH FUCK YEAH

-fucking hell when did i get (Just attack) because DAMN. Sif is so fucking done with everything.

-WISH CRAFT

-i just fumkign one-shot the Nostalgie on floor 1. "just attack" indeed

-"you need a break" :(

-Sif is like constantly teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown

-let's see how well they do against a boss

-DAMN

-ok so what the fuck was Euphrasie doing before shit hit the fan? and why does she blame herself for Siffrin's situation?

-i just realized something funny. if Vaugarde is fantasy France. and Siffrin and the King are from an island north of Vaugarde. DOES THAT MAKE SIFFRIN FANTASY BRITI- *gets shot*

-gate time.

-what was the question? what was the answer?

-"couldn't i just create another me? someone who'd understand?" ok so somebody's a clone got it.

-Loop? i should talk to Loop

-ok i guess i'll have to be like "hey Loop are you a clone?" in person (plot twist Sif's a clone :P)

-"i saw a weird shade" WAIT HOLD UP YEAH THAT'S SUS THAT SIFFRIN FUCKING SAW RED. OK THAT WAS DIAGETIC. FIRST COLOR IN THE WHOLE GAME.

-gonna kill the King again, talk to Loop, then loop again forward to Floor 2 to read the color theory book

-WAIT SIFFRIN HASN'T CRIED ONCE THIS WHOLE GAME BITCH REPRESSION IS NOT HEALTHY!

-"especially if she knows" Sif. did you forget Odile's name. OH FUCK

-"HOW BLINDINGLY WONDERFUL, FOR A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER TO BE THE ONLY HOPE YOU HAVE LEFT RIGHT NOW!" this would be so funny if not for the context

-"you wish for eternity" WAIT HOLD UP

-SIFFRIN IS USING WISH CRAFT. AND WHEN THEY PRAY TO THE CHANGE GOD STATUES THEY SEND THEIR WISHES. ARE THE BUFFS AND THE KEYKNIFE THE RESULT OF WISH CRAFT?

-hey Siffrin uses a more shy and sad portrait for the 'thank you' afterwards now :(

-FUCK I FORGOT TO SHARPEN THE KNIFE

-y'know what it's fine i have the bomb

-hey Sif i think what happened last time might've uh. traumatized you? ;-;

-welp. i used the bomb. it was anticlimactic.

-"i wonder how this country looks from the outside" *proceeds to imply that the time loop only affects Vaugarde* hold the fucking phone

-ok tho srsly Siffrin is in what looks like *extreme* duress

-oh damn Sif has different portraits for the 'you should disappear' bit. less smug and determined, more... *haunted*

-dang, can't give Isa the flower at the end

-*sigh* gonna talk to her again

-"the actor has become the director"

-there's a lot more theatre comparisons than there used to :(

-woah Siffrin you are weirdly enthusiastic to see Loop

-time to loop forward to read the books woooo

-Sif i am very concerned about this dialogue portrait. your enthusiasm is *desperate*

-hey something funny: people wish on stars

-this game has a LOT of motifs i love: wishes, stars, time, memories, etc.

-hm... what is Siffrin's 'ritual' when doing the wish-y thing?

-:0 a wish is trapping Siffrin?

-what if they're actually being trapped by their own desires or smth? like some sort of- WAIT. WHAT IF LOOP IS TRAPPING THEM SOMEHOW???

-i am in conspiracy mode i think

-moving forward to get to the library

-Siffrin is now level 85...

-maybe a wish is how the island disappeared?

-FAVOR TREE IS WISH CRAFT WOOOOOOOO

-i think the way Sif wished was from something they learned as a kid

-3, 6, 7, 13, all are numbers with significance

-HEY LOOP LOOK WHAT I LEARNED

-welp time to die ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-ok what is in that one house in the main part of Dormont

-hm. Euphrasie was apparently asking everybody what they wished for. she probably realized something tied to Wish Craft was wrong...

-maybe the list in Euphrasie's office cataloguing the names was categorizing based on wishes?

-looping forward

-"you're a living comedy sketch"

-my guess is that the wishing to save Vaugarde enabled Siffrin to loop so they could defeat the King, but something went horribly wrong, thus causing the loops to keep going

-ugh i need to talk in person. tear time!

-a sped-up version of the happy song after you beat the King is playing and Siffrin has the desperate enthusiasm portrait...

-Siffrin, you already tried saving Vaugarde.

-"maybe you don't loop because you die... but because you feel like there would be no reason to go on, maybe?" makes sense to me. Siffrin doesn't have anything to look forward to after defeating the King.

-"something that, to you, feels on the same level of hopelessness as death? on the same level as the world ending?" me when the time loop wants me to get therapy:

-hey Sif you just looped. right in front of Loop.

-looping forward to the King.

-Odile's realizing she's missing something. too bad she'll forget it. maybe i should try making the others really suspicious of me on a future loop

-"please don't interrupt" :(

-this game has me constantly on some variety of edge and i love it

-maybe this time Isa will get to confess?

-the static is starting and i haven't even talked to Euphrasie

-damn i did a minor loop back :(

-talking to her won't work. it can't work.

-STOP SAYING THE SAME DAMN THING STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

-I WAS RIGHT AS TO HOW EXACTLY SIF GOT STUCK

-the wish is broken. MAYBE IF I DO SOMETHING ELSE MAYBE IF HE'S DEFEATED SOME OTHER WAY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

-OH FUCK. so Sif's current theory is that somehow he has to deal the final blow

-"You just need to defeat the King on your own" BUT YOU NEED THE OTHERS TO DEFEAT HIM?

-also damn the way Siffrin's thoughts spiral into a mess is a mood.

-i am now in Act 5.

-:( the Dormont music is slow now

-Sif's portrait in the menus has changed again, there is nothing in the body text of his profile, and their title is now "The Lost One" :(

-wait. the Change God statue is glitchy now and i can't get buffs there anymore

-Sif is like perpetually pissed off

-aaaand now Mira's upset

-Sif is going to fuck things up with the others as well, won't they?

-i think Odile's gonna figure out that Sif is in a time loop

-i feel like i'm in a horror game right now. well. i've felt like that for a while. but i am fucking terrified of Siffrin right now. Siffrin you need help please they only want to help you you can't bottle up everything or it only ends up worse

-the battle theme is slowed...

-sometime i should write a crossover fanfic where Rose Lalonde picks apart Siffrin, i think it would go very interestingly

-unrelated but i just realized Isa has a hair banana hehehe... i need to cling to levity while in this hell

-uh. dude. why is your dialogue looping

-SIFFRIN! I. I KNOW YOU'RE STRUGGLING BUT ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS HELP YOU AND YOU KEEP HURTING THEM PLEASE THEY ONLY WANT TO HELP YOU I KNOW VULNERABILITY IS HARD BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THEY'VE BEEN *TRYING* AND THEY'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT KINDA TO YOU AND IT HURTS TO SEE THIS SIFFRIN BECAUSE YOU KEEP GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AND IT'S TERRIFYING!

-fuck man this game is getting me to care so much about this guy. Mental Illness Simulator 2023

-the irony of Sif calling Isa a coward who projects confidence but not backing it up... Siffrin is projecting.

-and yet despite all that... Isa still ended the conversation rather kindly ToT

-Loop seems really unsure and yeah. past me would not believe this but i am siding with the starheaded bitch.

-...Loop fucking LIED

-Sif is going alone

-oh dear the music

-most of the memories are gone. and the skills...

-level 99

-wait the room layout is fucked

-a Sif ghost but with a black hat instead

-"you're hungry" :(

-so. i think Sif just hallucinated his party members.

-"your stomach hurts. you feel cold." :(

-the world is glitching and breaking haha and i am scared i'm scared i'm scared Siffrin *please*

-how is the photo event occurring if i'm on my own?

-*oh no*

-ok brb i need to take a break

-ok back from my break and refreshed! now i can go back to Siffrin's Descent Into Hell

-entered Mira's room. her hallucination did the "head is covered in darkness creepily" thing...

-Odile...

-i'm in the Keyknife room except now the background is the post-King fight background...

-the feeling of the grim march towards a specific goal reminds me of the Undertale genocide route haha...ha...ha... ...

-stomachache, headache, and the smell of sugar...

-no more running, only a slow, slow, walk to the end

-"you've trapped this country in time even more surely than i have" oh fuck

-not often that a game makes me terrified enough for me to feel my heartbeat...

-red.

-his sprite is on the game over?

-where the FUCK am i?

-spooky shadow Siffrin

-OOO DO I GET TO FIGHT A MANIFESTATION OF SIFFRIN'S MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?

-hm what does mal du pays mean- oh :( it translated to homesickness :(

-you can't fight your own shadow

-"it's not like you haven't let me die before, right?" *OH FUCK*

-you broke your promise didn't you?

-red

-dude i think the depression is collecting its due. loops and loops of bottling your shit up has been unhealthy and now you are paying for it :(

-"if something has been forgotten by everyone, has that thing ever existed?" FUCK

-red

-more red

-BRIGHT RED

-if i had a nickel for every rpg i liked where a monochrome manifestation of the main character's mental illness taunted him in a scripted fight, i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. bonus: the dialogue box calls Mal du Pays 'something'! oh and both games open with a content warning i guess

y'know maybe the fact i found out about this game from a blogger that i followed for Omori stuff should've been some sort of indicator.

-"the sadness within you is right" FUCK

-OH GOOD SIF DIDN'T DIE THE FAMILY CAME TvT

-"a weird shiny person helped us!" LOOP :D

-AND THE MUSIC IS UPBEAT OH THIS FEELS SO GOOD TvT

-IT HAS THE TITLE SCREEN MOTIF TOO

-i'l have to look up the song later and compare to other themes but i think it might be a medley/remix? i've definitely identified the post-King fight theme and the title theme, probably more i can't clearly identify

-everybody's battle portraits are so bright and happy

-"i still cannot remember its name" :(

-damn. he froze. womp womp

-ok but what about Loop? what's going on with them?

-glitchy background...

-i'm on Act 5. aren't there like 6 acts? idk maybe this can end and Sif can move forward. then again... the last few times. that did not work out.

-haha Sif pls don't die on us rlly tho pls don't

-so slow...

-RED...

-Mal du Pays is following us

-FUCK

-*exhales* ok the darkness is gone

-is it weird that i kinda like this moment more than the moments of closeness with the others in Act 3? maybe cuz it feels more real, somehow... or because for once, Siffrin is the one being vulnerable...

-i think the problem was sticking to the script and treating the others like actors or well... NPCs

-FUCK FUCK FUCK NO NO NO DON'T YOU DARE GO INTO GLITCHY MODE.

-FUCK

-now that they're here they know something is wrong.

-please game please grant Siffrin one small mercy and let the others loop back with him this time

-RED

-uhhhhhhhh

-Sif did you just become your weird sadness self

-woah this is a beautiful scene

-WOAH. now THIS is a battle! and it is *beautiful*. the red and the stars...

-oh fuck. my options are hurt them or self-harm.

-wait are they HEALING ME? :(

-the battle menu simply refers to Siffrin as 'user'

-JGJRJENNDNRJE LMAO ODILE JUST PULLED A CLASSIC MOM MOVE LIKE "don't you dare storm up to your room earlier in time, young man!"

-forced group therapy

-oh, Siffrin's portrait

-i HATE that my options are hurt my friends or hurt myself. and i refuse to let Siffrin hurt their friends. it's... heartbreaking...

-chat i don't think the wish the player chooses was Siffrin's *actual* wish

-:0 hatless Siffrin

-AWWWW THEY'RE HUGGING

-aw... smiling Sif... hugging Bonnie :]

-:0 EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY IN THE MENU!

-"It's you!!!!" also hey Sif's title is "The Traveler" again!

-"you will stay together for a little while longer" :]

-i love how the lack of hat makes the fact that Siffrin is really short apparent lol

-these new conversations are precious :]

-Odile thinks the fact that Sif loved everybody so much they got himself stuck in a time loop to be cute XD

-NO WAY. IS THIS FINALLY HAPPENING. IS HE FINALLY GONNA SAY IT?

-HELL FUCKING YES!!!!!!!!

-ok i just talked to all the housemaidens and Dormont residents. time to talk to Loop

-...

-maybe Loop was just. a manifestation of the wish...

-:0 THE SILVER COIN? ARE WE GONNA FINSLLY USE THE SILVER COIN?

-TvT

-I BEAT THE GAME :D

-:o Siffrin is no longer on the title screen

[thedisc0spider]

I came across a post you made about who you write about/for, if you’re feeling motivated PLEASE write a dylan is in trouble fic. smut or fluff idkk but im beggingg

Just Friends.

————————————————————————————————————

Summary: you decide to confess your feelings to dylan.

Warnings: implied smut at the end. love confession. Cursing. Fem!reader.

Fluff

2nd person!

A/n: I’m so excited to have a request!!! I wasn’t quite sure what to do, I hope this is okay! :) writing for dylan was so fun tbh.

————————————————————————————————————

————————————————————————————————————You had always found Dylan attractive, I mean how couldn’t you? He’s tall, handsome, funny, and only the right amount of self-absorbed that its still cute.

But recently, it’s gotten worse. It’s not just friendship with a side of ‘yeah, you’re cute!’ It’s full on ‘I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know how to be normal around you anymore.’

Every time you hang out there’s tension in the air between the two of you that you could cut with a knife. It’s starting to make it difficult for you to be his friend. The only way for it to end is to do the hard thing, so you have to tell him how you feel.

It took a lot of mulling over, but you think you’ve got it down to what you should say. You’re currently standing outside his house and you can feel the panic settling in as you wait for him to open the door.

‘Shit. Shit, what am I doing? This is so-‘ your thoughts interrupted by a sudden creak. There he is, in all his glory.

“‘Sup, (y/n)!” He greets. He’s wearing his stupid fake nose ring along with a smirk.

You roll your eyes, laughing. “God, take that stupid thing off.”

He acts offended, placing a hand on his chest. “Wait, it doesn’t make me look younger?” He furrows his brows.

“You never looked old to begin with, idiot.” You walk past him, entering his apartment. It’s the same one you’ve been to a thousand times, but it feels different right now.

“So, what brings you by? Missed me?” He says as he sits on his couch.

You let out a sigh, sitting next to him. “No, actually…” you furrow your brows, looking at the ground as you bite your lip, thinking of a way to say what you’re about to say.

“You okay, (y/n/n)?” He gently pats your shoulder, comfortingly.

You look up at him. This is it. “No, I’m not. I feel like I can’t be myself with you anymore, like I’m holding something back. Honestly, it’s making it hard to be your friend.” You shrug, shaking your head.

He raises his eyebrows. “Why, did I do something? You know you can talk to-“

“No, no. You didn’t do anything, it’s just…” you close your eyes for a moment, bracing yourself. “I know we’ve been friends for, like, ever… and this will potentially ruin our entire foundation, but…” you sigh, “I think… I’m in love with you.“ you look at him, desperately trying to read his expression.

Dylan looks straight ahead, eyes wide as he leans back against the couch.

You turn your body to face him, your arm draped on the back of the couch. “I completely understand if you don’t feel the same, we can act like this never happened and I can move on. I wont be mad at you.” You swallow, looking at him as he turns his head to meet your gaze. “Dylan? Can you say something?”

He rubs his face, moving to rest his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, no, Yeah, I’m just… I don’t know, processing, I guess?”

You nod. ‘Fuck. He doesn’t feel the same, obviously. I just ruined everything, how could I be so stupid?’ You sigh, looking up at the ceiling.

He chuckles lightly before sitting up and turning to face you. “(Y/n), I feel the same way…” he shakes his head.

“You do? Why the hell didn’t you say anything, then? You scared the shit out of me.” You quickly look back up at him, hitting his arm.

“Sorry, sorry.” He laughs “Yes. I have since… basically the moment we met. I just… I don’t know, I guess I never expected you to feel the same.” He flattens his lips as he shrugs.

You two look at each other for what feels like an eternity before you speak, “okay, well… I do, so…” you shrug, “now what?”

He leans a bit closer. “I mean, we could kiss…”

You both laugh and you place your hand gently on his face. “Yeah, we could.”

He slowly but surely leans in fully, kissing you softly. He takes his time before slipping his tongue into your mouth, still keeping it gentle. You move your hand from his face to his hair, running your hand through it. You can feel him hum into the kiss when you do this, driving you crazier.

You crave more. Feeling bold, you straddle his waist. He pulls away from the kiss, looking into your eyes. His hand finds its way to your cheek while the other rests on your hip.

“Do you want this, (y/n)?” He asks, wanting to make sure you’re comfortable with going further.

You nod.

“Okay, so do I.” He adds.

By the time the night was over you were definitely more than just friends.

————————————————————————————————————

A/n: hey! If you want a part two with the smutty stuff I’d be happy to do so but I decided to not include it in this part!

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Fourteen

A/n: Hello! This part honestly took me a while to work out so here's me hoping it came out alright:) Big thank you to @Youlookjustfinetome btw for finding me some more G pics, honestly lots of love to you, practically saved my life🥲 And I hope you all enjoy part fourteen!!

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: There's some medical stuff here, lot of mixed feelings, bit of an angry rant but not much to warn you about tbh

Masterlist

—

I'd found myself nodding away, head in another place when the doctor had come in to speak to me. 

Wishing I’d been on another plane. 

Or in a different fucking reality altogether, I really didn’t know. 

But I’d hardly paid her any attention, even when she’d rattled off the extensive list of the injuries they’d discovered since the paramedics had wheeled me in.

Severe blunt force trauma to the head. “There’s no need to fret, I know it can sound daunting but the induced coma you were put into on arrival was used to protect your brain from any further swelling after the initial hit. We’ve also done multiple scans since so we’re almost certain that there will be no longterm damage.”

“Hang on- almost? What’s that meant to mean?” Matty had piped up in retort, having held my hand through it the entire time. He hadn’t let go, not even for a second, once the shorthaired woman had arrived not long after Lee, my nurse, had slipped out.

“Only time will tell with these sorts of injuries.” She’d tried to appease us with a clinical sort of smile, but then had gone on to describe the hit to me…

I had to shake away the thoughts of it even now, long after she’d left. 

It sounded so violent. So harsh to what I could barely even recall.

“You were hit head-on. Meaning that your torso took the brunt force of the collision, which also resulted in you being thrown backwards nearly three feet. That in itself left a lot of room for damage when your body collided with the ground. The back of your head will have a rather large scar but we did our best to minimise it, and the hair should fall nicely over the top without any notice.”

I’d nodded at her once and had fought the urge to reach up and touch beneath the thick gauze they’d padded there. 

Another scar. 

I’d had to look away when Matty had tried to catch my eye. 

One perforated eardrum, left-side. “There was a severe rupture in one of your inner ear canals which was a cause for concern too. At this moment, we’re still left unsure on how long it could take for the damage to repair itself, or if it ever will as a result of the injury to your head. Currently, we’ve got you taking a high dosage of-”

She’d prattled on after that. Talks of antibiotics and surgery (if things really came down to it), and then the warning of me maybe having to deal a with a total loss of hearing incase of any infection in the future. 

I’d checked out rather quickly at that. But in truth, it had explained a lot. The ringing that wouldn’t stop. The earaches and the itching. As well as the feeling like I’m underwater, hearing everything through a tinny in-ear piece, or trying to talk over the sound of a very rowdy washing machine. 

Matty had asked the doctor a plethora of questions on my behalf at that. Or I only assumed, because the woman had replied telling him that she would be happy to pass on a couple of pamphlets for him to look over. I remembered that he’d been anxious in his agreeable nod, thanking her a few times under his breath. And that had been the last of it before she’d moved on again.

A distal radius fracture. Multiple breaks in the ribcage. “The distal radius is the larger one of the two bones in the forearm. You suffered two fractures there, one on the distal end and another a little further up. It’s a very common break though and you were able to avoid any surgery on the arm. Though, it will take between six to twelve weeks to heal. And after that, some patients still find that they need physiotherapy to get back full usage of the wrist.”

I’d looked down at my hand in that moment. Stared at the cast which started at the centre of my palm and worked its way up to the crook of my elbow. The small cut I'd received in the shop earlier that same week had nothing on this.

It was my right arm too. Which only fucked me further, and I’d had to laugh at that. As though I hadn’t suffered enough. Now I had to forgo the next few months trying to manoeuvre through life and work with my left. fucking. hand. 

I’d tried not to let that thought get to me in the moment. Focused on the fact that I could still move my fingers somewhat, even if they were swollen and a tad bit numb. It hadn’t helped then though and hardly reassured me now. 

The detailed description of my ribs current state had followed swiftly after. Which explained the trouble I had breathing, as well as the severe burning pain I felt whenever I even thought about moving.

“It was just the three fractures.” Just, I’d wanted to scoff at her. “All on one side, most likely due to the first impact made by the car. Most cases of broken ribs can be treated with rest, icing a couple times a day and pain relief.”

The doctor had then gone on to explain about the breathing and coughing exercises she was going to have me do whilst I was under-observation. Something about preventing pneumonia or the sorts. Which had just been another thing I had ended up not having the heart to hear. 

Although the fracture in one of my ribs had quickly waylaid her onto her next point. She’d actually had to pause when she’d come to it and really took the time to look me in the eye, her stoic and impersonal manner dropping. 

I mean, the woman had been nice enough, she’d smiled when necessary and took the time to explain things to me in thorough detail, but she was also evidently detached, that much was clear. She didn’t want to get overly involved in my case. Couldn’t. But then, something had ultimately shifted. Even Matty had appeared to notice it, he’d clued in to the way she’d propped herself forward in her seat, the slight glance she’d gifted her colleague before she’d cleared her throat, eyes trained back on me. 

She’d begun her account in a sincere but well-practiced tone, informing me of the injury that had been a result of my broken ribs. And as she had, I’d actually felt my entire world tilt on its head. And I only wished then to be floating again. 

Splenic rupture. That one had been the toughest pill to swallow.

“One of the ribs on your left side pierced the spleen on impact but it only tore the organ further during transport I'm afraid. It had been hard to determine at first, the three breaks had been one of our first concerns and because of your difficulty breathing our first thought had been a collapsed lung. By the time we realised how much damage had been caused, after we’d witnessed a CT scan result, there was a large amount of blood that had poured into the abdominal cavity.”

I’d just stared blankly back at her. 

“You were put under an anaesthetic rather quickly and rushed into theatre…”

“Surgery went well, although there was an altercation or two…”

“Tried to minimise scarring…”

“Risk of infection…”

“Future treatments..”

“Medications…”

I had tuned it all out. 

Physically I’d still been there. In that room with her. And Matty of course. But mentally, my mind had been far away. Beyond even my own compression. It’d felt like I’d sort of drowned and the struggle to find air had suddenly stopped. Leaving me with just an empty head. No thoughts. No feelings. Nothing on the matter.

Just the fact that I had another scar.

And that, that made me feel like a walking voodoo doll.

—

My stay in the hospital was beginning to grate on my nerves. Slowly but surely I was starting to lose my mind. And I was so sure of it. 

It had taken two days for me to come to the first time around. Two days since the hit, I mean. But now, I’d been here almost a week. Sleeping mostly, but bored beyond belief or in mind-numbing pain for the rest of it. 

Ross had come to visit. He came daily, sometimes even twice. He brought food (sticking to what he knew best) and it often ranged from the chocolate pasties he knew I tended to drift towards in the Danish bakery up near his, to all of the sugar he could smuggle inside the lining of his coat. 

He liked to keep me company too; told me all about the football, who was top of the league and what players were currently injured; kept me updated on how things were going with his mates down at the pub (the very blokey bloke types he’d always seemed to get along with); and whispered to me about all the hot gossip that was making its way around the hospital that he often caught wind of on his way up to the ward, and during his frequent visits to the vending machine. 

Ross didn’t ask too many questions either and after his first frantic visit, I found myself wanting to ask him less and less too. He was also one of the fair few that still treated me like an actual person. The usual bullying and typical snarky responses were a very welcomed change of pace, as were those eye-rolls of his that he usually gifted me each time I had a coughing fit. 

“Here we go,” He’d say with a put-upon sigh, slumping in the chair he tended to drag up beside my bed whenever Matty gave him the chance. “Always the centre of attention! I mean, can’t we just talk about me for once?”

Which only proved to worsen things because then I’d been coughing, laughing and spluttering all sorts of obscenities at him, all at the same time.

Yeah, it was safe to say that my doctors weren’t too fond of Ross.

Adam though, they liked. He popped in too, and brought Carly along with him whenever she could make it. Those two were oftentimes too empathetic in their visits though, which was sometimes hard to bare. But they’d also brought me my favourite kind of teabags and the lactose-free milk I opted for. As well as my own little kettle that they’d gone and plugged into the wall beside my bed for me- but only after I’d nonstop complained about the hospital’s lack of fulfilling drinks. 

Their tea tasted like piss water was the shorter defence there. 

But Hann had also been the one to bring me over some of the things I’d been missing from home, like my pillow, laptop and my charger- seeing as my phone had been dead since it’d been handed back to me in a plastic baggy, alongside an array of other things I didn’t much want to look at. Mostly just the clothes I’d been wearing the night of the accident.

It was a heaven send though, to be able to distract myself with a shitty Netflix series or the odd scroll through social media. Although I did have to limit my usage. Stop myself from googling questions I knew I wouldn’t like the answers to. Still, it had been a nice gesture in all, made even better by the comfort of finally wearing my own clothes and actual underwear! Instead of the itchy gown they’d had me in. 

Though mentioning that, the one who knew me best, who I thought would be by my bedside, holding my hand, and making sure I stayed well-rested. Who soothed me during the moments of panic and disorientation. Who whispered quietly in my ear and held me close when the reminders became too much to bare, and when pain was all I could think about. 

He was nowhere to be found.

Because Matty had gone and stepped into that role for him. For me, I guess. Sweet, chaotic Matty who could barely even look after himself at the best of times, and who’d spent most of his adult life revelling in the fact that he had no strings to tie him down. He was there for me. A constant. 

Only ever leaving in a rush to shower and change so that he could make it back in time for when I had to take my medication. 

Charming Lee into letting him stay long past visiting hours and having the sweetheart swindle him a makeshift bed that he could use, instead of the clump of chairs he’d converted into a shitty lounger.

Talking the rest of the patients into doing a bit of karaoke and dancing by my bed to keep me entertained. He’d even had Ross bring him his guitar so that we could sing together before lights out. Him crooning like he did best, me all muffled and croaky. Though he still claimed that my voice was as angelic as the last time he’d heard it. 

Matty. My best mate Matty. 

I didn’t think I’d ever been more thankful to have another human being in my life. Nor would I ever be.

So after prodding him with multiple questions on where George could’ve possibly been. What was keeping him away. And only receiving vague responses in turn, or worse, being easily distracted. I finally decided to give up.

Well. Not give up, per say. Just allowed Matty some peace and quiet. I knew it wasn’t his fault that George had been a no-show. That he’d gone and left me when I needed him most. So the questions had become less and less frequent, until I’d decided to not ask them at all.

“You sure you’re alright?” Matty repeated for what felt like the fifteenth time since I’d accidentally woken him that morning. 

He was setting out my lunch for me, something I found infuriating but was also what kept his hands occupied and brain busy, he was eyeing me a bit strangely. Like he felt as though something was inherently off and he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I rolled my eyes, a fond smile limning my lips even as he pierced the straw through my smoothie’s carton for me. 

“I told you I could do that.” I scolded lightly. 

Matty merely hummed in reply, “Yeah, well you say that but you can hardly hike down your own knickers even after I’ve dragged you all the way to the loo, so…”

He snorted at my sudden glare, waving me off with a smirk as he handed me the drink and stole the sandwich the nurses had dropped off for me.

“What kind is it today?” I asked him, sipping at the smoothie that came with it whilst he plopped himself down on the other end of my bed, kicking his feet up near my uninjured wrist.

“Ham and cheese, I reckon. Maybe a bit of mayo but can’t be too sure. Stingy fucks these lot.” He retorted through a mouthful. I grinned and withheld a painful laugh.  

This had become a bit of a pastime for us. Him stealing the sandwiches that I refused to eat, because they always seemed to line the bread with a crap ton of butter, which even thinking about had my stomach rolling. And him then critiquing every flavour to me. 

Yesterday’s had been stuffing and egg, something that had had Matty grimacing even as he fought to finish the first few mouthfuls. He’d quickly given up on that one though and washed the foul taste out with one of the many cans of San Pellegrino he'd asked Hann to bring in for him. Prat. 

“Anyway, you never answered me.” Matty mentioned again, bringing me back to the present. I hummed at him with only a tilt of my head. He rolled his eyes and prodded my hip with his socked foot. “Come on, something’s up. Can sense it, can’t I?”

I snorted softly at him, quirking a brow. “What, you become a self-proclaimed empath in the time you went home to shower?”

He flashed me a toothy grin which wrinkled his brown eyes. “Summat like that, I reckon.”

I huffed, shaking my head albeit in a measure of amusement. “Nothing’s wrong, Wonder Woman. Dr Mann even said I was improving, did she not?”

I wasn’t met with a reply though, so I glanced away from my smoothie and back towards Matty. I found him to simply be staring back at me. A prominent line etched between his brows.

“What?” I asked him with pursed lips. 

It was his turn to shake his head then, looking away to gaze out the shuttered window. We were quite high up, 6th floor if what I can recall Ross saying is true. The sun was high in the sky, and there was not a drop of rain in sight. 

I looked away then and kicked at Matty’s elbow. “Come on, what is it? You’re bein’ a right weirdo.”

He shrugged, chewing away, eyes still cast outside. “Just, you haven’t mentioned it is all.”

I frowned at him, unsure of what he possibly could've meant. “Mentioned what?”

Matty’s gaze pivoted towards me for a brief moment, looking for something I was sure, probably a a tell only he could make out. Then he shrugged at me again.

“Don’t worry about it, yeah?”

“Matty…” I tried, but my tired groan was cut short by the prominent arrival of Ross. 

An angry looking Ross, actually.

I boggled a little at the sight, as did Matty who'd jumped around to see what had caught me by so much surprise.

“Matty. A word.” Ross demanded of the curly haired twat curled up by my feet, having stuck half his foot in the door and not had the common decency to even spare me a hello. What would his mother say? 

“Erm, morning to you too, MacDonald!” I scoffed as I made a face, but it'd been futile seeing as Ross was already back out the door and pacing up and down the hallway. Matty patted my shin in quiet comfort and gave me an apologetic smile before he gestured his head over towards the hall.

“Best go see what he wants.”

And all I could do was watch as Matty left, still chained to this hospital bed. Once the door had dragged close behind him, I found myself with literally fuck all else to do. So, like the adult I was, I threw myself back into my nest of pillows and groaned pathetically. Wishing I could do more than just lie here day in and day out.

—MATTY’S POV—

“I’m gonna fucking kill him, Matty.” Were the first words Ross spoke to him as Matty slipped out of the room, catching him mostly off guard.

Ross was hardly ever the aggressor. In actual fact, he was one of the most tolerant guys Matty had ever known. It truly took a lot to get him to crack, or even tell you to piss off, let alone this riled up. He didn’t actually think he’d ever been witness to Ross’s ire, but reckoned he could easily check that off the list now though.

Matty blinked for a moment then cast a chance glance back through the glass and towards his best mate. The girl who was currently holed up in a hospital room with a frown as huffy as it was prominent. It was hard seeing her like that, so broken. When in actuality, she was the toughest fucking person he’d had the privilege of knowing.

Cut deep.

“Right,” He dipped his chin and took a much needed breath before he ushered Ross a little farther down the ward, away from the room's entrance. Not wanting her to hear or see the state Ross had seemingly worked himself into, although Matty could already guess what the cause would be. “What’re you playing at? You can’t storm in here like that, mate.”

Ross groaned into the palms of the hands he dragged harshly over his face, tugging on his temples for a second before he dropped them altogether. His shoulders were still tense though, practically touching the lobes of his ears. 

“Yeah, yeah ‘course, sorry.”

Matty jerked his nod back down the hall. “No need for that, ‘cause you, man, are gonna be the one dodging all her questions when she ultimately starts asking what that was all about.”

Ross almost came very close to pouting then. Matty was sure of it, if only it hadn’t been for that fiery wall of anger he was still shrouded in. “Really? Alright. Fine, yeah fair. Deserve that much, I ‘spose. Just- I’m beyond fucking livid, mate.”

Matty’s brow pinched. “Why, what's happened?”

“What didn’t, you mean.” Ross scoffed, back to pacing in his big boots. Matty just hoped that none of the morning staff came to see what was causing the sudden commotion. They already seemed to hate the pair of them enough.

“Alright, mate. Just, I don’t know. Start with what’s got you so…” Matty shrugged a hand aimlessly towards his bearded bassist.

Ross tugged another hand through his long hair, loosening the bun he had it in by a tad.

“I don’t know where to start, to be honest. Maybe with the fact that I’ve tried everything. Fucking everything! Phoning, texting. Even passed by his a couple times. He won’t open the poxy door. Won’t answer Jamie or Hann either. I went over again this morning- saw some shit on Twitter last night so I reckoned I might find him there. Stole that spare key from you too, like you said, and tried using it on the locks but the prick’s only got the chain on. Latch too. So I didn't make it far.”

Matty was already chewing at his lower lip. Something he’d found himself doing more and more often as of late. Ever since that sodding fucking phone call, the one he’d almost missed. He could still hear George’s muffled cries now. The sirens. The pleads. Then the apology. 

His hands shook even as he recalled it all. Fucking coward.

His attention was swiftly brought back to the present when Ross started up again, only getting more and more irritated the longer his story went on.

“So, like the twat I am. I sat outside his all morning. Just managed to catch him dragging himself home, though. Don’t know how the fucker had gone and locked himself out from the inside but, well, it’s G ain’t it?” He said through gritted teeth, “Looked a right state, too. Still halfway to pissed and smelt a bit. I mean, is he deluded? She’s in here. Whilst he’s off, doing fuck knows what, out there! It’s an utter piss take, mate. Everyday she asks after him, asks if he’s doing alright, if things are okay. And he, he could not give less of a shit.”

“Hasn’t today.” Matty found himself mumbling, dark eyes casted out towards the lifts as a familiar itch passed through his veins. Which was convenient because just as Ross went to question him on it, Hann stepped out through the sliding metal doors. 

The man paused, catching sight of them just as the lift closed behind him. “What’s going on?” He asked with a furrowed brow.

“George.” Ross muttered with venom.

Whilst Matty sighed “Nothing.” at the exact same time. He simply shook his head dismissing it all when Hann approached them. “Where’ve you been anyway?”

Hann’s sharp gaze darted between the pair of them before he answered, “Was on the phone to Jamie most of this morning, then popped by to talk to Y/n’s boss. Lovely woman, actually.”

A real grin stretched its way across Matty’s face at the mention of Delia. “Isn’t she just?” He fawned.

Hann gave him one of those famous smiles of his and then proceeded to hold up a bag. “She mentioned she’d be stopping by again soon, but wanted me to bring this over.”

Matty’s attention dropped down to the bright bag, a prominent ‘Get well soon!’ engraved in gold on its side. “Nice of her. Did you get the stuff I asked for too?”

Adam rolled his eyes and moved his right shoulder, showing off the other bag, this one a duffle. “Yes, all here. Don’t stress.”

He went to reach for it when Hann’s eyebrows did a weird sort of dance on his forehead. Matty pulled a face at it and glanced over at Ross, who was still acting a bit aggy with his arms all crossed and nostrils still flared. Though Matty couldn’t fault him. He was still rightfully pissed off too.

“Tell me what’s gone on and then you can have the bag.” Adam bargained, receiving a pair of narrowed eyes in return.

“Drive a hard bargain, you do.” Matty huffed, falling back against the wall as he gestured outwardly towards Ross. “Was gonna tell you anyway.”

Hann merely hummed at him, dropping the bags between his legs as his head rounded on Ross. “What’s G done now?”

Ross’s jaw ticked and he went on another ramble, rehashing things to Hann in a bit more detail before Matty had to stop him.

“Where’s he at now then?”

“Passed out back at mine.” Ross told them, though he didn’t appear too happy about that fact. “Fucker had me drag him back to my car, wouldn’t move from the curb otherwise.”

Matty tucked his tongue between his front teeth, mind whirling. He hadn’t been to George’s yet, hadn’t wanted to leave the hospital let alone the place where everything had happened. He could only imagine what torment George has been faced with having to look at it day in and day out.

From what Ross had told them, the road had been fully blocked off until late afternoon the very next day with police patrolling and removing the vehicle from the scene. Matty grimaced at the thought of it all and listened to the quiet tones of Hann’s voice trying to calm Ross down. He deemed the moment as the easy access he needed to grab hold of the duffle and head back down the ward, deciding not to think too much about it right then.

Adam’s tut echoed and followed after him. Matty threw him a smug smile from over his shoulder.

Now it was time to get to work.

Part fifteen>

[chaikachi]

since you're caught up on the Locked Tomb, I thought I'd send some asks your way because I'm kind of curious:

1) I've gathered Cam and Pal are your favorite characters, but do you any particular favourite moments/quotes of them? Or just why you love them as characters in general?

2) any plot twists you didn't see coming but liked?

3) any dark horse characters that grew on you over the series or that you'd want to see more of?

EEEE I SURE DID!! Okay, warning for anyone that is not caught up with it or plans to read it, that there are going to be spoilers below. You have been warned!!

Yes, they are my favourites.😔 Friends specifically told me to read the books because they are "very much my flavour" and they were right. Which is very rude of them, tbqh :/// As for the why, it's a lot of things, I think. From a character design perspective, I've always been a sucker for scholarly types like Pal, and you can never go wrong with short hair and double swords like Cam. I like that they have a decent amount of contrast and are quite different from each other in some ways while also being soooo alike in others. From a thematic perspective, all the bits and parallels around devotion, identity, and responsibility. How just by knowing someone, we add 'indelibly to their weight'. How this is explored both as a positive and negative thing. How just by knowing someone else - dare I say, to tame or be tamed by another 👀- can change us irreversibly. How burdening those we care about is something we have to come to terms with, and that being burdened can in and of itself be an act of care. How these themes are exacerbated and mixed with plurality and merging. The ever important question of 'where do you end and i begin'? For moments and quotes, a lot of my favourite things about them are just how they interact with one another (or with other characters). The sort of relationship where words often aren't necessary. How so much of their connection is conveyed in actions. "Tell Cam... never mind, she knows what to do." and the "what to do" is her collecting the fragments of his skull off the floor?? that she glues back together with her own hands?? then travelled millions or billions of light years to meet with the one person that can pull his soul back into it??? Her carrying him, despite the risk and harm it poses to herself, because he doesn't have a vessel anymore??? Pal asking Nona to "give this to Cam" and it's a kiss to the back of her hand???? Sick!! Twisted!! I demand financial compensation for damages!!!! Cam had every right to go sit in the bathtub about that!!! What the hell man!!! But I would be remiss not to mention the conversations they have across the voice recorder when they can't speak face to face, the co-fronting/synergy thing that happens when the protect Nona at the beach, and of course: "Life is too short and love is too long."

I'll admit I was spoiled a bit to some things going in so that skews this answer a bit. There were certainly some things I predicted incorrectly but then was like "OF COURSE THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED, HOW COULD I HAVE ASSUMED DIFFERENTLY". I was not expecting that many people to die in the first book tbh. What happened to the Fourth and Fifth houses hit particularly hard. Was not expecting Gideon to find a decapitated head in Harrow's closet. I think the most surprises I had were in the second book though. Kept asking myself what the heck was going on. The narrator reveal was such an unexpected and pleasant surprise. Like, I kind of figured that was the case but I wasn't expecting that to be how we found out. Camilla showing up somehow out of nowhere?? The full extent of Harrow and Gideon's origins had me at a loss for words. Also the epilogue leading into Nona had me soooooo confused.

Yes. I absolutely adored Augustine. Big fan of his whole vibe; i miss him. Also really liked Magnus, Abigail, and Ortus in the second book. Especially them stepping up and being the Responsible Adults™ Harrow never really had, but always deserved. Also Polyamory Win with both whatever Pyrrha and Dulcie had respectively going on with Cam and Pal aha. Very big fan of Dulcinea in general. From her appearance in htn to popping up in The Unwanted Guest. I don't know how we could see more of her, but I would not be complaining if we did. Muir is really good at characterization tho, i don't know that there have really been any characters I've actively disliked. 🤔

Thank you for asking! I'd love to know some of your fave characters/plot twists too if you feel like sharing!! no pressure tho uwu

[papa-evershed]

Hellooooo! Here’s me crashing into your ask box to wish you a very happy, happy birthday!

I thought I’d ask you if you can remember some specific scenes/moments from a show and/or movie that triggered your “Oh, I need to gif this IMMEDIATELY!” desire.

And please do go ham on your reply, you know very well how much I enjoy them.

Have an amazing day! 🧡

Hey!!! I fucking love you! I don't know how the hell you manage to to do everything you do, but now you've gone and inspired me to start a fandom-friends birthday calendar. 😂😂 I legit admire how you always reach out to people and remember everyone!! But thank you so much for the birthday wishes, it's been a pretty good day so far so I can't complain! 🥰

As for moments I just had to gif?! There's been a fuck ton throughout the years and the men. 😅I'll answer under a cut for length and lets see what all my old lady brain can remember. 👵 I apologize in advance for how long this could potentially get and just how random the gifs probably are. I never feel inspired to gif cool scenes with witty dialogue, I just gif for thirst reasons because I'm a dumpster of a human. ETA: It got really long and didn't even scratch the surface tbh.

For Rob, I'll start with this one. I feel like I post it every time someone asks me about my favorite gifs or moments but listen, that man's god damn belly makes me feral. The context of the scene is also just peak Dad™ for me so it was 10000/10, absolutely had to gif this the second I watched:

This is an interview but you know when you first start checking out a new dude and you see gifs from interviews/shows where they look particularly tasty and you're immediately like I must find this and watch it or else I will perish. That was this interview for me. And how could it not be? Again...BELLY. Hairy belly. Just big, soft, delicious man meat. And thighs. As soon as I found it I had to gif it for myself so I could make it as obnoxiously big as humanly possible.

I watched this zoom live and the moment this motherfucker turned his head my brain said "gif it". Profile? Nose? Greys?

And this shot too. This man was fucking born to smile, he puts his whole ass into it.

This. His arms here. This scene was dark af but I knew I had to gif it anyway. I adore the shape of this man. It feels so fucking real to me. Soft belly, sizeable arms that still look natural. It's realistic, it's comfy, it's fucking sexy. He's just fucking man-shaped.

I don't even have to tell you why because I know you get it.

I'm an American what do you want from me? 🤡 I'm just kidding, it's not because of the gun. 😅IDK if you've watched Downton, but Thomas is just such a fucking capable man. There isn't a task they set him to that he doesn't excel at and I just felt like it was always overlooked and underappreciated by everyone around him. That shot and scene inspired an entire gifset I made about him being a man of many talents.🤓

I can't even explain it, I just knew I needed it. He just looks so man sized. And fuzzy. Just...go off daddy.

You and I both know I'd suck a dick for a good profile shot. The greys, the nose, the man...👀

I can't post all the gifs from this scene/episode so I'll settle for this one. But I knew immediately I'd be giffing it until my fingers hurt (that legit happens y'all, I'm old 👵) Not only did he spend some time in this episode being the soft, caring uncle but he did it in a cozy sweater and it was like they were sure to hit all my weaknesses at once. Soft cozy men? 👀Then they were kind enough to give us the most beautiful close-up shots of his face. And the boy just has a beautiful fucking face.

For old times' sake, I'm gonna include some Jon just for you but to be fair, I liked him for seven damn years so there were a lot. Too many to list or even remember. But here's a few that maybe aren't the obvious shots!

This one. I remember everyone losing their shit over his ass but I was losing my mind over that "soft flash of belly" (really, I was always fangirling the hardest over scenes where Jon looked softer than he really was so we shouldn't be shocked I eventually left for a man with a beer belly 😅)

Speaking of which, this scene too!

And of course, anytime he was covered in blood. I think I actually giffed this exact shot 5 or 6 different times.

And, the obligatory back of his head shot. There are so many here I could post because pretty much anytime I saw the back of Jon's head I immediately needed a gif of it but we'll go with this one, it was probably slept on a little bit.

Alright this is long enough! Bless anyone for reading this long. 😳 But legit, thanks for the fun ask and for the birthday wishes, Stef! 🥰🥰 Your kindness is one of the reasons I will always appreciate having been in Jon's fandom!

[penroseparticle]

Penrose Song of the Day, Day 34: Walang Alam by Hev Abi

I found this song through happenstance.

The other day my mom was telling me that I need to let my mind run the engine, so to speak, so that I can get it to wind down enough to let me do things. The proverbial "let the kid run in circles until he's tired enough to focus". And so I did. I closed my eyes, and just let my thoughts chase each other over and over and follow any path they wanted to until I settled down enough. It worked. I promptly forgot to do it any subsequent days.

I remember the phrase "LALAKINGS" though. Just popped into my head unbidden. I enjoy picking the threads of fate, so to speak. randomness is baked into everything, we are all on The Drunkard's Walk, sometimes going with it takes you somewhere you wouldn't get without it. So I take the time to be whimsical, or nonsensical sometimes. I impart more meaning to actions than they deserve because hey- it means something to someone, right? Why not this, why not to me?

So I did a quick Spotify search for the phrase lalakings. I had an inkling I could find something music related to it, and lo and behold, I hit upon a truly impressive playlist of some, frankly, insanely good hiphop. Shoutout Aeron Medina, if you ever read this know you have great taste.

Hev Abi was the second artist on the playlist, right after Coast Contra (Another high quality pick tbh, give them a listen).

I don't know if I would have picked Filipino Rap to be my new obsession, but I'll be damned if Walang Alam hasn't been in heavy rotation lately.

I'm no stranger to quote unquote foreign music, even in this series- Todo De Ti was featured earlier. Laisses Tomber Les Filles. I loved Telepatia when it came out. The Spark is blowing up as we speak. I'm an Ikimono Gakari Stan, I know Yelle by heart. PLEASE GO LISTEN TO TALCO, Italian Ska is the truth, weirdly. Connor Price's Globe series gave me some great hiphop artists to listen to in other countries and languages.

But strangely I haven't hit on any southeast asia, any pacific islander fare. Nothing to really

There's something so. Chill about Walang Alam. It's got credibility. I hear this and I'm like yeah. This guy is sad. He's sad in a different language which makes him EXTRA sad because i didn't even hear sad words to clue me in! He has poor wet meow meow energy via voice alone. Truly incredible.

I enjoy the acoustic approach to the song. Acoustic music is musical shorthand for more intimate, more emotional. your sound has less reach, so we know it's just for us. Maybe it hits different knowing it's private. Vulnerable.

I've been thinking a lot about sadness. How to deal with it. I feel like I can only feel my emotions incorrectly. Like some dumb ogre stomping around breaking things. I'm so angry all the time and I don't have anywhere to put it. I don't want to burden people. Lord knows I've done enough of that. But you can't hold the hurt and do anything else, I'm finding.

So how do you turn it into roses, or whatever. You talk about it right? We're hardwired to be helped by the talking. But how, and to who, and how much is too much, and hey don't forget you're intruding on their personal wellbeing by being unwell at them.

You are a tire fire, but ouroboros'd back around at myself. It won't shut off though so I'm trying to bushwhack through it. Bear with me, under construction, etc.

I think this song is the good kind of sad. Where even though no solution has been presented, something of value was gained. Reflection? Perspective? A sick single? Whatever it is, Hev Abi seems changed and resolved by the end.

The tiny pop of english at the end is a nice touch too. very "moon in japanese is different, more evocative and mystical" somehow. Like yes fellow musicians this is a big time music artist he has mainstream america appeal there's english words here. I don't know, I think the intentional choice for the last few bars to be different gives that resolved feeling mroe weight- the words literally change at the end of the song.

It's quiet. It's reflective. It's tight, too, at 3 minutes almost on the dot (Still not optimized for streams and with a full song structure, so I consider it a dub)

I don't have a lot on this one today. I wrote like 70% of this like 2 weeks ago and then just stalled out. But I finished writing something. Allegedly this is progress.

Just remember. You could be dead right now. Go listen to something you love

[zarvasace]

["My dashing adventurer," Traysi says, headed to the table to look at the note Juannelle left behind. Meghyn freezes. She pictures herself steaming from the ears at those words. She needs to sit down. Her stomach feels… like it's full of sunshine or something. Summerwings, maybe. Did Traysi really just say that? Meghyn's not really thinking clearly.]

the way i saw this fic while randomly checking the totk tag and FREAKED OUT. thank you so much again for the traysi appreciation and for making her sapphic. any thoughts on this fic overall would be so appreciated bc i love it and your writing so much!!

I almost forgot I wrote this! I still don't know where it came from, honestly, it's not like I was dwelling too hard on these characters.

Also fun fact! I think this is the only lesbian pairing I've ever written, mostly because writing male characters was easier for me when I started out, and current and past fandoms etc are mostly male characters. I have a complex relationship with... relationships, it takes me a while to warm up to things that aren't canon! This story happened when I was contemplating that I should really write something a little lesbiany.

So I think I was mostly pulling from other relationships I've read and written, cranking up some of the mild crush feelings I've had myself, and applying it all to a girl I intentionally wrote to sort of reflect myself. And I found that it hit. It's a fluffy lil piece, nothing groundbreaking, but tbh it represents a shift in my mindset :)

It was also a lot of fun to pick a few minor characters and extrapolate their personalities and relationships to high heaven! I think that's one of the things I like about writing for Zelda games in general: it's easy and fun to extrapolate. :D

[dragon-queen21]

hey :) ! I saw your kuma bear agere edits a while ago when I was browsing through the kb tag and thought, “huh. That’s pretty cool” and didn’t think much of it. After some weeks, I would be thinking about it again and go to search for it. I felt strangely happy? Like, yeah, this makes sense. Yuna would probably do that cause of everything that has happened. So, now I’m asking this after pondering it for a couple months. The point of all this is: do you mind sharing some hcs you have about kuma bear? Or some edits. Anything really, it can even be about someone other than Yuna or about her relationships with anyone else. I just feel really happy when I see someone else enjoying kb and making edits and stuff. If not, thanks for posting your kb edits :). I really like them! Have a nice day ^^

dbsjbdjdbksnsi You have no idea how long I have waited for the chance to ramble about Kuma bear :D I know theoretically I could have done so at anytime without prompting but still

This ask is so dear to me you have no idea, thank you so much, this made my whole week! Anyways!

Regressor Yuna headcanons

~~~

~You can’t tell me that Yuna wouldn’t have severe trauma considering she’s been on her own for so many years and her parents genuinely just didn’t care where she was or what was happening to her.

~Yuna probably would have regressed a couple times before she got summoned to the other world but never actually knew what it meant. Probably vent regressing when she got too lonely. Maybe she researched a couple things online and found the term age regression and just brushed it off because, “well that couldn’t be me, I don’t have childhood trauma I must just be over tired.”

~Then when she meets Fina and her family and everyone else it just suddenly hits her like “oh. I had a really bad childhood huh? This is what a loving family’s supposed to be like.”

~After that she has a harder time not regressing whenever she gets back from a mission just from the overwhelming feeling of love and safety

~So Yuna gains the ability to turn Kumayuru and Kumakyuu into cubs. I forgot what she does to earn this power so I’ll instead share the idea that has been rotating around my head. She gains the power due to accepting her own regression.

~Yuna carrying around her bear cubs everywhere with her when she's small like they’re stuffed animals.

~Making childhood snacks like pudding and needing someone to tell her when regressed to stop eating desserts or she’s going to make herself sick

~The shyest little cub whenever she’s regressed. I feel like she’d trust Fina if she tried to coax Yuna out of her room but otherwise she just hides away.

~Fina doing her best to watch over Yuna when she’s small. She'd would definitely know how to look after her considering she took care of Shiri for years. And if Yuna gets really embarrassed she just tells her that it’s her way of making it up to her for all of the things she’s done. (Also Fina would probably be a regressor too but that’s for another post entirely)

~Probably made a bunch of little gear for herself but is 90% of the time too embarrassed to use it and even less so around anyone.

~Fina and Noa being very proud at being the “older siblings” whenever Yuna is small.

~Cliff is 100% father figure material for Yuna while she's small. Noa probably mentioning something about Yuna regressing and Cliff just going into protective father mode.

I have a lot more thoughts for this series (lot of found family material tbh) but I am going to cut myself off here before this post gets any longer than it already is <3

[khaleesiofalicante]

The IALS story was everything, Max and David are everything and it couldn't have been more perfectly imperfect than that, it was so them so thank you for this amazing doze of serotonin!🤗

“Not necessarily,” David shakes his head again. “Max, what happened, it didn’t just happen to me. It happened to both of us. Just because our wounds are different, it doesn’t mean we can’t share our pain.”

This line did it for me honestly, because in most of your fanfics, especially LBAF, Max is so obsessed with fixing things for David and helping him that he forgets that whatever's happening affects him too. That's why he can't be Other Max, those things aren't happening to Other Max, he has other stuff to deal with (see what I did there?) , the shit that happens in the current timeline is affecting both of them and they need to start healing and hurting together. That's the dream, I really hope they realize and fix this.

The Jaden content made me remember how much I didn't like him, I was half expecting Lance to show up and start roasting him, and now I can't stop thinking about Lance running into Jaden again, pure ✨️comedy✨️, which also made me wonder Max's reaction if he finds out that David called him? I can see that conversation going pretty bad and then better.

I forgot how much I enjoy David perspective, personally I relate to him a lot as a character, and I've found myself having similar problems or views so I really missed reading his inner thoughts. I also missed him simpimg over Max, that's just adorable.

Like real people do was what I didn't know I needed it was amazing, again it was absolutely brilliant🩷

PS: Was that how you always envisioned this scene going or was it easier for you to write it after all this time? Like when you finished it you had the mentality of Mavid trying to heal but after time passed it was like something cooled down and it was easier to imagine them getting closer?

PPS: People who can't take no for an answer suck and should burn in hell, honestly as someone who has a problem setting certain boundaries, it's so annoying when you have finally mastered the courage to say no and some people just disregard it. Stupid idiots, let's hope they find their lost empathy at some point🌼

Helloooooo.

I'm glad you liked the story. And yes, that's one of my favourite quotes too, because Max is one of those people who forgets about his own pain when his loved ones are hurt and I WANNA SHAKE HIM AND BE LIKE BITCH YOU ARE HURT TOO.

Originally, I wanted David to tell Max that he called Jaden. But it seemed unnecessary tbh - and it would've taken focus away from the real story. So, I decided against it. That man has caused enough drama.

I miss David perspective too :(

It was definitely not easy to write it right after IALS. Like I couldn't even picture it - because it was almost as if they were still healing inside my head. It's like saying 'get well soon' but without the 'soon' part, because I wanted them to take their time. I was willing to wait for them because I knew whenever the story would come to me, I'd be willing to write it. There were certain bits and pieces that I knew would be in this scene, including Max feeling insecurity about his appearance and David reaching out to Jaden, and the whole thing happening randomly, as if their hearts were healed and they didn't know about it and it randomly hit them like 'oh'. I hope that makes sense!

PS - Those people really do suck and there is nothing more despicable than disrespecting consent!

Love you.

[turbulentscrawl]

Hello there! I hope you’re doing well! I love your writing your are literally sustaining the entire idv fandom rn skcbsnsnd. I would like to request a match-up!

My name is Nico and I am a 21 year old female (she/her maybe they if i’m feeling spunky) bisexy (bisexual). ehmmmm. Idk what to say already LOL. uh I believe i am infp and 4w5 I am a scorpio rising and sun and capricorn moon. I personally think that my duality is silly, weird, kinda naive tbh, cute, chill, friendly, maybe a bit talkative? but im also very introspective, melancholic, wise, quiet, perceptive, thoughtful. i can be quiet insecure/self-deprecating/self-critical, i have a hard time being vulnurable and usually help others without allowing myself to be helped. i’m stubborn in that way and like to be independent and tough even though i crave being cared for lol. i am very passionate and empathetic and i have very strong intuition although i tend to ignore it in favor of “logic” and my attempts to feel in control. i am ambitious and always come up with grand ideas in my head and hyperfixate on them and ultimately become disappointed when i can’t bring it to fruition because it’s too ambitious. however that has also made me resourceful because i will find work arounds to make my ideas possible, even if it’s not how i originally planned.

i am a sort of solitary creature, and i know how to be my own best friend and to enjoy my own company, not having grown up with lots of friends. i didn’t used to go out much and i used to think i was very quiet and unsociable but after going out a bit more i have discovered that i can actually be a bit of a social butterfly, and it comes more naturally than i previously thought, although it makes sense considering i could talk to anyone and was a great leader/public speaker as a child. (and then anxiety/depression hit and i retreated into a shell as a teen.)

I used to say my favourite colour was green because I really like it, but then I thought it was grey because that is the colour i perceive myself as. but lately i have began thinking it might be red as that is what i have always been drawn to, regardless of what i think. idk why but it felt important to mention that.

anywhoo. my hobbies are playing any and all video games, watching horror movies, playing board games/card games, doing puzzles/puzzle books (crosswords, sudoku, word search), playing piano, singing. i love antiques and i love buying them because they are practical and beautiful and often much sturdier and long lasting than more modern things (they just ain’t built to last anymore) and i believe that they have so much character and soul and it’s tragic that there is a lost art in craftsmanship of furniture and clothing and like. shoes! and pens and clocks and everything! so i like to give those old beauties a new home where i can actually USE them as well as admire them.

i also love singing i have been told im good at singing but honestly i think im only mediocre. i sing in choir and i would honestly love to be an opera singer haha even though that might seem silly. i would love to be in a band too and i genuinely have been attempting to pursue that. oh i also study biochemistry in university i am suffering but it is interesting and i have always had an innate curiosity about things. i was a very dark but bright and curious child. i was fascinated by death and other things as a kid, but i never found it morbid it was just interesting to me.

i love science and random fun facts but i also love tarot and astrology (even though i barely know anything about it) and i am interested occultism and metaphysics and would love to know more about it because i don’t believe science and “magic” kind of stuff is mutually exclusive.

i feel like i am writing too much but you said write a lot so 😭 i enjoy talking abt myself as im sure most people do but i always feel bad for it lol. uhmm i do like writing and i used to do it a lot but ive been struggling with it lately. i also love lots of different types of “aesthetics” i suppose, such as dark academia/victoria /gothic/antique but also cottage core/witchy/nature/kinda hippy forest lady but also grunge/punk/garage rock/seattle in the 90s but also 70s and 80s style but also 2000s but i also sometimes enjoy modern fashion. idk im a real mixed bag but i love it i mean there are just so many things to love in the world. i am a very sleepy gal too i mean some people wake up early to be a hater but i wake up early so i can have time to go back to sleep.

i cant really think of much else. it’s hard to perceive yourself ya know, but hopefully there is enough information there for you and i sincerely apologise if it is too much!! thank you very much for your consideration and i hope you truly have a wonderful day. sending you good vibes full of love mwuah <333333 :3

oh i also really love sharks and foxes and bears and bats and squids. and cats. and silly little shrimps and trilobytes. and pterodactyls. OK WNOUGH-

-------

Yes I love lots and lots of info 👀

I ship you with Fiona Gilman!

-From how you write and what you’ve described, I’m getting a sense that you strive for a strong identity, but both struggle with and respect the complexity of trying to achieve that. Due to the nature of her worship, Fiona finds it attractive when people accept the intricacies of life. Things are rarely easy to pin down, life is fluid, people included, and she thinks it takes great wisdom to understand that.

-She shares your curiosity for life and the universe, and since your expertise seem to be so different, teaching one another is a great excuse to spend time together. ;) Unfortunately, there are some things in relation to the occult and her worship that she simply cannot share. It’s for your safety, as much as she trusts your ability to comprehend things that would break others…better safe than sorry.

-Fiona is an ambivert. She’s good with socializing, but she also likes equal time to have quiet time. Since you’re still getting the feel for these things, she’s fine letting you take the lead on going out or staying in. If you need space away from her? That’s fine too, there’s plenty of things she can busy herself with in the meantime.

-She’s both persuasive and a little sneaky, and will take steps to assist you in getting better at accepting help. If she has to, and if your workload is too big, she will go behind your back to help with a few things. Nothing major, partially because she feels bad and partially because she hopes you won’t notice, but she can’t just do nothing when she feels like you’re sinking.

-She’s not much of a nap-taker, but as long as she’s not busy with something she does like to offer you her lap as a pillow.

Runner Up: Grace

[dust-and-grave]

so i checked out the quareia tag after my post about starting the program + realized not very many people are talking about their experiences with it. i thought maybe i'd share mine for anyone else interested.

let me preface this by saying that i don't identify as a witch (still exploring this), and my interest in magick is from a very skeptical place. i'm also an atheist so i don't practice deity worship. however, i've been interested in the occult + witchcraft since i was a teen + i've been using tarot cards for self-reflection + development for many years now. just giving a heads up that these are the lenses i'm viewing the program through. 🤙🏻

i'm still right at the beginning of the program. currently working on the first module of the apprentice level. my motivation for this whole endeavor is that i'm wanting a good schooling on magickal practices so i can have a solid understanding from which to build my own practice. of course i'm supplementing this program with other books that i'm reading on the side.

i've been really taking my time as i work my way through the program. i just finished lesson 1 last week + started work on lesson 2 this week. i've already been heavy into meditating for years now, so i didn't find lesson 1 to be too strenuous or difficult to get into. i already had a habit of meditating so i just switched from my usual routine to the exercises in the lesson. my biggest issue is that there is a lot of visualization involved, which i tend to avoid because i have aphantasia. it took a while to find a way to do it that would work for me.

once i hit my stride in regards to "visualizing" during my sessions, i found the exercises to be really relaxing and enjoyable. it feels nice to take some time for myself + simultaneously invest in my interests. now i'm so settled in the routine that i don't even have to think about it. i just light my candle and go, though i do have some days where anxiety makes it hard to focus.

as for lesson 2, i'm already very familiar with the tarot so i'm expecting that this lesson will take much less time to complete. i've already done the work (a reading + decluttering, tidying, salt water) for half of the rooms in my home. i'll probably finish it by the end of next week. i still have a bit of tidying left to do.

one thing that's conflicting with me in this lesson is mccarthy's insistence that a psychological view of the tarot "does not work well". as i said above, that's exclusively how i've built my tarot skills, and i've found it incredibly useful for me. if this perspective doesn't work for others, i totally get that + support people in pursuing the practices that work for them, but i feel like telling people across the board that they shouldn't do it because you specifically don't like it is questionable, tbh.

overall, i am enjoying the process though. it's motivating me to take time for myself, develop my tarot skills, and even got me decluttering my space! even if i don't finish the whole program (though it's my intention, atm) this is still a net gain, lol.

[crdteezv]

Better Than Him? - Yangyang

Paring:  !mean dom! yangyang x f! reader

Genre: non-idol au, smut

Warnings: smut. !hard/mean dom! yangyang, DUB-CON, toxic (it’s mainly him tbh), cheating, dirty talk, kissing, rough sex, manhandling, masochism, slight dumbfication, spanking, riding/doggy, video recording, humiliation, choking, overstimulation, unprotected sex

Word Count: 1.3k words

A/N: I am trying to be more consistent with my writing but lack motivation to write 😭. I want to start writing more so I hope you enjoy this one. ALSO, I DON'T CONDONE ANY OF THE ACTS DONE IN THIS FIC!!

"Throw it back for me, baby," Yangyang says behind you as he bullies his way into your aching cunt. He recently started recording your sexual escapades together and uses them for jerk-off material.

"Mhm, you make me feel so—"

All you hear is a loud smack from behind, which was his hand coming into contact with your ass.

"Fuck, tell me something I don’t already know."

You two have been going at it like this for a while now. There’s always been something between you since you were in the same class.

That was until you started dating his best friend, Hendery.

You knew from that moment on you had to both stop having feelings for each other.

But one night at a party, when Hendery left you alone with him for a moment, Yangyang started flirting with you, even though you were in a happy relationship.

It was as if he didn’t care.

One thing led to another, and you went upstairs to one of the rooms and slept together. You've been secretly doing it ever since.

You always tell yourself it will be the last time and you won't do it again. But here you are, in your boyfriend's best friend's bed, being fucked like a sex toy.

"Hello, sweetheart, did you hear what I said? Don’t pass out on me."

You were so deep in thought, that you didn’t register what he was saying.

You shook your head no in response.

"God, you can be so dumb sometimes. I said smile for the camera for me."

You didn’t even notice that he was recording in the first place. Usually, he tells you these things beforehand, but you never really like that he records you in the first place. 

What if Hendery somehow sees them and finds out?

"P-please don’t record this time—"

He pushes your neck down into the mattress and whispers into your ear.

"Oh, please don’t act like you don’t like being recorded, baby. I bet you think it’s so hot that I use these videos to get myself off every night. You’re just as much of a pervert as I am."

You felt yourself tightening around him at his degrading words.

"Whoa, you seem to like that a lot, huh, love? Hendery was right about you being such a slut."

Your eyes widen at his statement.

"W-what are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, as his best friend he tells me everything. Even when it comes to you guys having sex. He doesn’t go into crazy detail, but he always mentions how much of a slut you are."

Your eyes start to tear from all the stimulation you are receiving. From his degrading words to him hitting you in all the right places, you're not about to last very long.

"Mhm, you’re so cute, you can’t even say anything back. You know what would be funny?"

You were too lost in the moment to try and even question him right now. He pans the camera close to your face and says,

"If I show this to Hendery."

The look on your face was absolutely priceless. He had just instilled so much fear in you. It would break Hendery's heart if he found out about the two of you, especially like this.

"P-please… don’t, I—"

He leans back and lands another smack against your ass, harder than the last time.

"Aww, I don’t hear you. Beg harder for me."

This was all so humiliating. You hated how he was belittling you and your feelings. He knows that you feel guilty about cheating on Hendery. You even told yourself you were going to come clean and let Hendery know, but of course, Yangyang somehow convinced you not to.

"P-please don’t send it. I’ll do anything you tell me to, I—"

"Anything, princess?" he said with the biggest smirk on his face. You instantly regretted saying that. But you didn’t want Hendery to find out about the two of you. You nodded your head in agreement.

"Then I want you to ride me."

Your eyes widened at his request. You’re not used to being on top, and you struggle when it comes to being in that position. You tried it once with Hendery and didn’t even last 5 seconds.

How are you supposed to last longer with Yangyang?

"You know I can’t—"

"Do you want me to send this to him now or even call him—"

"FINE, I’LL DO IT."

He was taken aback by your sudden outburst. He had never heard you yell like that before.

He leans back against the headboard and gets in position for you. You lean back against him with your back facing him, but he doesn’t like that and flips you to face him.

"I want you to look at the camera as you get on top of me."

He was enjoying every second of this, practically getting off on your pain and embarrassment. You follow his orders, holding him at the base and slowly inserting yourself into him. He was on the girthier side, and you had to be careful with putting it in. Eventually, you’re inside him, and you slowly start jumping up and down. You rest your hands on his shoulders for support, moving at a slow pace.

But he didn’t like that.

He spanks your ass again, and you let out a whimper in response.

"Come on, baby, we don’t have all day. Don’t take your sweet time."

You oblige and start moving at a faster pace. Moans escape both of you. You don’t feel as much pain being on top of him. You throw your head back in pleasure, and he chokes you, bringing his gaze onto you.

"Don’t forget to keep your pretty eyes on the camera, love."

You were so into the moment that you forgot he was recording you. You start to feel closer to the edge, and your pace quickens rapidly. He senses it and grunts in response. He can’t take it anymore and throws his phone across the bed.

He wraps both his arms underneath you and starts pounding up into your cunt. You let out a loud scream in response, a sound you’ve never made before. He starts kissing and licking your neck, making your vision start to fog up a bit. He then whispers in your ear,

"Do I fuck you better than him?"

Your eyes widen at his question. You had forgotten about Hendery altogether.

"Umm, I—"

He smacks your ass for the final time and says in a husky tone,

"Answer the question, baby." He says as he gets closer, and so do you, both of you on the brink of climaxing.

"Fuck yes, you do, and I’m cu—"

Before you can finish your statement, he plants his lips onto yours, both of your tongues intertwining, and you both finish at the same time.

He places your head against his chest and caresses your bare back with his hands. You squirm and shiver at his touch.

"You did so good for me. I can’t wait to jerk off with this later."

Only he would say something so vulgar at a time like this. You get off his lap and lie on your side for a bit. He goes over to grab his phone from the opposite side of the bed and notices he never stopped recording. He has you on video saying he was better than your boyfriend which strokes his ego so much. Since your back was facing him, you couldn’t see the biggest smirk plastered on his face. He lets out a slight chuckle and shakes his head in disbelief.

Without turning to face him, you ask, "What’s wrong?"

He shuts off his phone and places it on your bedside table. He pulls up his pants and says,

"Ah, it’s nothing. Hey, do you still have that leftover ice cream from last time? We can eat some of it right now and finish that show we were watching?"

You turn to face him and smile in agreement.

One day, you hope that you can stop yourself from doing this with him…