#teenagediary

[viuolet]

things that turn me on 11/9/15

there were books of different colors and sizes scattered all about his home in piles. they were in his living room, his kitchen, his room, there were even a couple in his bathroom. the first book that had stood out to me had the title ‘GUIDE TO FILM’ in big red text on her spine. it was a big book stacked right on top of a bunch of other small books, and a bunch of other small books were piled right on top of it. his home was very messy and small, but charming, to me it seemed small. but it was probably because he had so many little things everywhere. small little intricacies scattered about. he had a lot of cameras.

on the walls were a bunch of polaroid pictures of happy faces and art neatly hung up, all close together in a particular fashion. his sofa was a foresty green color - reminiscent of his eyes i tend to find myself getting lost in. if you can swim in blue eyes, i wonder what i’d refer to his as - perhaps a wild and unpredictable jungle. and they do say the eyes are the window to the soul. so i wonder what that pretty mind of his looks like, if it’s the same, or the polar opposite, and his eyes are the deceiver - the lurer of prey. i’d like to step inside and take a walk in there someday. all it takes is 20 minutes. 20 minutes of eye contact. then i would know everything. but who could stare into my eyes that long? people are seemingly afraid of total and complete intimacy and of course, vulnerability. it seems they can sense i can hear the noise in their head after the gates have been open. connection. they look away before i get the opportunity to peak my head in and look inside. its painful. who hurt you? who taught you to be afraid?

on the wooden floor in front of it was a very colorful patterned rug. he told me that i should sit on the sofa and asked what kind of tea i wanted. he opened the cabinet and listed the different kinds he had. i told him that pomegranate tea sounded good. he took a glossy ocean blue mug out of the cabinet along with a packet of tea. i watched him pour hot water into the mug and i never thought that such a simple action would drive my head wild with sinful thought. his pretty hands were adorned with beautiful metal rings. i wonder what a mess it would make if he were to punch someone and that thought drove me wild. if god were real, is she watching, and if she saw what we did at night, would she be able to resist? true love is a sight to behold. something you cant ignore - like a car crash you for some reason cant look away from - no matter how terrible. funny how the mind works. maladaptive daydreaming. how could he do this to me? 

his golden curly hair sat pretty on his head and his curls fell perfectly upon the center of his forehead - golden ratio - is this a human or a work of art? who stole you from the museum? people are selfish and keep beautiful things to themselves, so i cant help but wonder...

he glanced at me. the rims of his glasses were big and round and translucent. his eyes were strange; they were a dark green color. i just wonder what sort of creatures lurk about in that jungle of his. when he stares at me, it seems they are about to leap out and grab me and pull me in but, i dont think id be so opposed. the thought caused my head to jerk involuntarily to the other side - as if my mind were telling me to look away, like it picked up on a threat before i could. one eye had little specks of yellow. inhuman you are. whenever he looked at me i felt warmth rush through my arms and my hands and my face. i quickly look away. im no prey.

i looked around and saw a big bookshelf a few inches from the sofa against the wall. the last three shelves at the bottom held a magnitude of records. old and new. his prized collection. i tried to read some of the records from the sofa but most of the text was too tiny to read. i walked over to the bookshelf and sat in front of the bottom shelves. i tilted my head and red the artist names. i’d say i didn’t recognize most of them - but i would be lying. there were only a few i had never heard of. but the ones i did know - Arctic Monkeys, Waxahatchee, Twin Peaks, The Growlers, Fidlar, and The World is a Beautiful Place and I am no Longer Afraid to Die. 

I heard Marley place a mug on the coffee table.

“Your tea is done.” I always liked his accent. it was nice to listen to. especially late at night when I would call him because I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and he would be very sleepy and his voice would be low and small and raspy and he would almost be whispering. at night on the phone, he appeared to be a small boy, but to the rest of the world, a great big wolf. but this small boy, was vulnerable - at times. perhaps only with me. i would always hear jazz music softly playing in the background. he would always have a record playing as he drifted off to sleep. incense lit.  he was careful not to share the softest parts of him to the rest of the world, he kept it hidden. for he believed it made him weaker. but there is bravery in being soft. im daydreaming again. i wonder if he noticed this time. im everything everywhere all at once. im split in two, in different dimensions. 

“thanks. where’s your record player?”

“In my room. do you want me to bring it out here?”

- journal entries from when i was 12-13

[ch3rri3sandwin3]

rant cause i’m going through my existential crisis and it’s all stuff you’ve probably heard before

why does everything seem so mundane and boring im reading and hearing a lot about our attention spans being fucked but i genuinely don’t get it i wanna go back to being a kid cause i didn’t need to think at all and now everything seems too complex, maybe cause i overthink every single thing and add layers that it didn’t need and not see things for the way they are, i think it’s because i’m bored with life and what’s it’s offering. i’m still hanging on in the hopes that this is not everything life has to offer but there’s this voice in the back of my mind that this is all i get. it’s probably the hormones but i don’t like that every fun thing i do that makes me happy feels like a distraction, a short temporary distraction from the absurd mundane mess that is my life, i’m really sorry if i’m being over dramatic but i think i’m built like that. every one of my values is changing every 5 minutes, im exaggerating but i think you might get it. like all my morals are never rigid. for example, i used to be a hardcore feminist and was all i hate men and then i started questioning it, don’t get me wrong i still beleive in feminism (more like intersectional feminism) but my point is that it used to be such a huge part of my personality and what ppl used to identify me by but now idk who i am which ig you all would relate to and it’s hard to define myself, i don’t even feel like a person anymore.

if you made it this far thank you for reading this existential cliché garbage rant. i hope you have a great day! <3

[princesslory]

At the beach ꒰ ✧ Instagram: lollipoplory Tiktok: Strawberry_dollette #girldiary #dreamcore #dreamy #autumn #september #princess #pinkcore #lolita #lolitafashion #rose #lanadelrey #girly #girlhood #tumblergirl #nymphet #pretty #babydoll #dolly #vintage #halloween #dreamgirl #couqette #lillyrosedepp #flowerlanguage #lace #babygirl #pinterest #teenagediary #bedtime #beauty #bunnygirl #little #fairy #cutecore #aethetic #tumblergirl #love

[myblogdiaries]

Hi everyone

So the question of today is…

What am i greatful for?

The common answer to this question is roof over my head, food in my belly, education and etc etc…. But to me the answer would be “punishments”!!!

Wow! Punishments? Really?

Yessssss!!!!!!

Because punishments to me means a second chance to know about your mistakes and to correct them. Its not about suffering and sadness but about learning. I think the word “PUNISHMENT” is presented in a bad light, thats why people have a fear of it. I read it somewhere that an American scientist went on to Japan to study about their schooling system and the one thing that shocked him the most was that when in a class of some small kids, the teacher gave them to draw cube and there was this one student that wasn’t able to get it right so the teacher called him and told him to draw it on stage and the whole class was cheering for him and then he was able to get it right. Instead of seeing the calling of the teacher as a punishment, the japanese schools presented it as a method if boosting morale and that is something that i really admired. I think that this optimism in life is kinda important, not because its a trend or something but because it is important for us to see things in a better way if not for the world then for our own selves.

#teenagediaries #pinterest #chances #studentlife

[sparrowslifestyle]

print(”hello world”)

hi! my name is sparrow (they/them), i am a chaotic queer enby teenager from russia and this is my lifestyle blog/diary! ^_^

here i write about my life, and fun (and not so fun) events that happen, reflect on stuff and my mental health and sometimes just write down interesting (?) concepts and thoughts

i am an aries and intp (just in case that’s important), i love coffee and stormy weather, listen to mitski, mcr and cavetown, adore sci-fi, musicals and animated series (su, toh, spop, stuff like that), but general I am very multifandom

and also i have the ability to draw a more or less (definitely less) decent portrait of a human being, study humanities and, as if i may quote one rather classic musical, i try “to right the unrightable wrong and reach the unreachable star” :)

also if i ever make a mistake in my grammar, please correct me! i would be very glad, since i do wish to impove my knowledge of the english language <3

[cherieandaidan]

New YouTube Video

[teenagersdiary]

Date: 21 Aug 2021

Subject: I am angry

I hate to say but I am always angry like hulk. The thing is i have a habit of collecting anger to a point where i wont be able to control it and then i an no longer the one person i want to be. I am someone i hate the most. When I am angry i know what i am doing. I try to control myself but it won't do it. I am no longer worried about things. When I am angry and by angry i am saying to a point where i start breaking things, I just can't control myself anymore. I fall into deep despair and i wont recover from it unless i reach the peak and start crying. Crying is something that happens due to my resistance towards the action i want to perform but I won't. Also crying is the result of my regret. The regret i feel cause I know I did something wrong and i was wrong.

I have a lot of personalities. I cannot describe myself with one quality or liking. I like and dislike a lot of things at the same time. Like i love being with people but also I hate being with people. I love talking to my friend but at the same time I want to be alone. I just can't decide between two things even if one of them is the obvious choice. I want to travel a lot but I hate leaving my home. I fantasize things but I don't want them as well.

The only thing i fear in the world is regret. I don't like to be in a state of regret which results in my confusion in choices. I am always sad but I always have a happy face.

I don't like when people don't understand that I don't want them to make me angry because even though it will not harm me physically but I shall regret all my deeds afterwards and that's the reason of my sadness.

I want to be around people a lot because I don't know when i will do something that will result in my loneliness.

I had been lonely since long. No one tries to understands me and I believe that that would never happen. So i just keep being the ones they like until the point where I just hate pretending. I pretend like I care about anyone but the reality is I don't care for anyone. I only want people to fulfill what i want and then they can do whatever they want. I don't care I anyone dies. I don't care if anyone is hurt. I only care if anyone cries. Cause that makes me angry. I don't know why but when i see others cry I get angry. Maybe that's because I cannot cry.

I had always been such a crybaby that I would cry out even for the smallest things but that brought disgrace to me. So i burried my pain and Tears deep in me. I gave myself a habit that whenever I an about to cry I or tears collect in my I eyes I don't blink and absorb them back. I also start smiling whenever i am about to cry. I want people to understand that I am in pain and I want to cry but I cannot do that. This habit wont go away now and i am not able to cry anymore. The only time I cry is when the tears just are so much that my eyes wont be able to contain them and they just start flowing down.

I hate to say this but i have a lot of things I feel guilty for. I feel guilt and regret for every petty mistake I do. For me this feeling is like a load on heart which I had been carrying since long.

I always wanted to be strong. I wanted to be emotionally strong like an adult because I never saw adult men cry so I thought I won't be able to become a men if I don't control my emotions. But instead of controlling my emotions I just locked them up. Right now the person you see is the one who knows about himself more than anyone but some time later there shall be a person who doesn't know a damn thing about himself. That's the real me maybe, maybe not. I am not one person, I am many people. I am a personality reflection of all the people I want to be like or I met in my life.

[teenagetimecapsule]

Entry 2 - Friday 31st August

Oh. God. Reading that back is SO embarrassing. Why did I sign off with a kiss?! And don’t even get me started on how cringe *Voms* is. How I survived Year 7 with any friends is a miracle.

Clearly, last year’s attempt at a diary was a total fail, but Dad’s been nagging me (shock) to try and start writing again.

“I kept a diary until after university, you know!” 

Yes Dad, I do know. You’ve only told me 10,000 times. By the time I get to university, I seriously hope I have much better things to be doing (think alcohol, clubbing, boys etc.) than keeping a diary. 

But then maybe that’s the reason I should be writing one now, while my life is still 100% boy-less and boring. Just think how satisfying it’ll be to look back at my teenage years as a sexy, successful adult (here’s hoping), knowing how far I’ve come. How’s that going, older Lexi?

The last time I properly kept a diary was after a trip to the Isle of Man with my family when I was 7. We stayed with some old university friends of my mum who had an 8-year-old called Finley, and I spent the entire week practically glued to his side. I remember writing about our last day together, in an attempt to cling onto how ‘magical’ it had been. We’d gone to the beach with our parents and Finley had buried me in the sand and then declared that from now on, he would call me ‘girlfriend’. Bearing in mind I would be leaving that afternoon, this wasn’t the best timing, and when I recounted the story to my oldest friend Sam and her mum (who is SO much cooler than mine), they told me it was a “typical boy move”. 

Finley then proceeded to ask if I wanted to sneak into the large, industrial sewer pipe further down the beach so we could kiss. Without the weight of the sand holding me down, I would have leapt to my feet and bounded down the beach after him. Instead, I was forced to wriggle around like some sort of undignified prawn until I eventually freed myself. 

“Ok”, I said, panting.

Looking vaguely disgusted, Finley shrugged and headed off towards the pipe. When we reached it, I realised how exposed we still were.

“I think my mum can see us from here…”, I whispered. 

“Don’t be such a chicken!”, Finley responded loudly, his voice echoing. 

I suddenly needed the toilet. But he was right. Was I trying to ruin my first kiss?! As he stepped towards me, I felt something wet beneath my feet. Looking down, I saw a stream of murky water trickling past us and out of the pipe. Finley laughed and pushed me gently, but in classic Lexi style, I lost my balance and toppled into the disgusting pool below, the water seeping through my Little Mix swimming costume. Horrified, Finley ran off into the sea. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying not to cry, and we never spoke again. 

Pathetic alert: this is the closest I have ever come to having a boyfriend. 

I actually looked Finley up on Facebook a few months ago but couldn’t find him. “Why would you do that, Lexi?”, you ask. The answer is simple. I have always been, and probably always will be, obsessed with boys. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted a boyfriend. One of my earliest memories is dressing up as a bride at nursery and excitedly waltzing towards my best friend Alfie, arms outstretched and ready for a kiss, only to trip on the dress and stack it right in front of him, kissing his shoes as I split my chin open. Poor Alfie ran off crying and I was left scarred for life.

Anyway, as you can probably tell from how embarrassingly eager I’ve been to write about the only two guys who have ever been interested in me (make that one - Alfie definitely doesn’t count), and the fact that it’s a Friday night, there isn’t much going on in my life. Understatement of the century. Only 3 days to go until Year 8… Let’s hope it’s more eventful than last year. Although, if I’m only aiming to top a grand total of 1 diary entry, I guess it won’t take much! 

[thediaryofanativeteen-blog]

Introduction: Day #1

Hello! I don’t want to use my real name. So you can call me lettuce, because it sounds cute like a lil squishie. Any way, the reason/objective for creating this blog is to write my daily frustrations, thoughts, experiences, and dreams-- uh ah i think that’s about it. Ok, back to the task at hand, which is explaining my reasoning for this tumblr.

I have had great, somewhat cool, and some rlly bad somewhat traumatic experiences in the span of my 16 years living on this earth, Anyhoo i wont say the name of those that caused some pain or just plainly are fucking annoying to me. Ill try not to be negative, but i will rant about something or another, 

ABOUT ME(i use big letters because i am narcissistic).

- I’m 16 yrs old. 

-I’m native american, Navajo to be exact. 

-i have a lot of siblings/family, not much friends because i have a cold personality , and annoying voice. 

-I am interested in art, writing, your personal experiences/question

-i wont be fucking rude to you unless you deserve it. (I’m talking about the racist, sexist, homophobic, and rlly sexual viewers). 

-I am in high school, so don’t say inappropriate shit, I’m underage you assholes. (p.s.s not all of you and i hope most of you aren’t assholes).

-i wont try (hopefully not) bend or exaggerate a story/experience i had just to “knock your socks off”. 

-Whenever i talk about how i think about myself i don’t expect/need a pity party. i think i can handle myself. (but thanks for caring tho, if you do, you don’t have to--- but yea). 

-Call me lettuce because I’m actual fucking vegetable.(not like a person with severe physical limits, but like that would ne----- ok im trying i hope i take back that offensive commet). 

so yea i’m a Gen Z Navajo female (with a uterus, lol). ummm ,,, yeah i think that’s about it. 

- oh yea! A bio about a persons personality and character wouldn’t be complete without mentioning their homosexual thoughts/tendencies.( it was/is a joke,pls don’t kill me). .\(0o0)/. I put the BI in BITCH, yessio im BI-SEXUAL MOTHERFUCKERS! I get the sausage and the fish, eww fuck no. But yea iim bi but i dont eat fish, well i do but not... sexually. What i mean is that yes i so eat seafood, but not like vagina that’s been unwashed for 1 month, Oh god, i broke another personal guideline, ah fuck. Nevermind , the no-no sexual zone is gone and so is the offensive comments. It still applies tho............

So yes i am a Navajo teenager at the age of 16. I like to draw and hope to get a degree in character animation at Cal Arts. or the lOndON aCaDemY oF rOyAL aRtS!!

[optimisticsblog]

Chemical Hearts (2020)

[viuolet]

10-19-15

i love sleeping. i love when its cold and i love when there’s a lot of fuzzy soft blankets to keep me warm, and a lot of pillows. i cant sleep tonight though. i feel really lonely. i really need someone to sleep next to. i want to list to them breathe and listen to their voice when they’re sleepy and it sounds raspy. i want to know what it feels like when i’m too afraid to breathe or make any noise or do anything because they’re so beyond me and so much more than me.

i want to ruin in an empty road in the middle of nowhere at night and lose myself in the moonlight and just be alive. i want to feel everything rush out of my head and scream at the stars and ask them why i was given an opportunity to experience life; what makes me so special. why was i brought here only to walk with crowds and crowds of people who feel the same way i do; who sees that everyone around them are going in different directions and they cant figure things out on their own, they’re lost and need guidance because they’re too afraid to make a mistake.

i want to feel myself become wavy and sink into the sky, i know i will be welcomed.

- journal entries from when i was 12-13

[idstdiaries]

Ghosts and weird people – 19th & 20th March 2002

Ghosts and weird people – 19th & 20th March 2002 #diary #teenagediary

Tuesday 19th  Everybody went out tonight. Oh, except me. I decided too late that I wanted to join them but everyone had already gone and Jonas was with me. I felt left out but I like being with Jonas. He had no money left so he couldn’t come out either. Instead we went for a drive. Jonas kept asking if I was missing out because of him but, even if I was, that’s my choice. I’d rather be with him…

[princesslory]

🤍🌸🎠 In my cute babydoll nightgown ꒰ ✧ Instagram: lollipoplory Tiktok: Strawberry_dollette #girldiary #dreamcore #dreamy #autumn #september #princess #pinkcore #lolita #lolitafashion #rose #lanadelrey #girly #girlhood #tumblergirl #nymphet #pretty #babydoll #dolly #vintage #halloween #dreamgirl #couqette #lillyrosedepp #flowerlanguage #lace #babygirl #pinterest #teenagediary #bedtime #beauty #bunnygirl #little #fairy #cutecore #aethetic #tumblergirl #love

[thoughtsof-ateen]

I’m back!!!!

Sorry i disappeared for a fat minute, my laptop broke after being around for like 5 years :(( But i got a new one that I am in love with so i am having a great timeee. So i’ll be posting alot more now that i have a good laptop to write and post from B) so expect another post a little later tonight or tomorrow since i’ll be at a beach nearby with extra time. Love you guys, talk to yall more tomorrow <3

Lots of Love,

Eurydice 7/14/2020

[tamsinhughes]

Irving is not a diary collector. He’s a diary rescuer...

[heartshapedthought]

teenage diary #265

und immer das gleiche, erst bist du sein ein und alles, jeden tag, am besten jede sekunde sollst du bei ihm sein. weil er dir so viel liebe schenkt, von der du dachtest es würde sie nie wieder geben. alles ist rosarot und das glück fast unfassbar. und dann kommt der moment wo du auf einmal egal wirst, wo nicht mehr jeden tag ein lebenszeichen von dem menschen kommt, den du so sehr liebst. der für dich alles ist, der für dich die welt ist. und du fragst dich was du schon wieder falsch gemacht hast, dass dieses schicksal ausgerechnet wieder dich trifft. die, die dieses martyrium schon zu oft durchgemacht hat. aber der welt ist das egal. dein schicksal eben, vielleicht karma, wer weiß das schon. nur nicht aufgeben, das ist jetzt das ziel. - mein ziel? wer weiß das schon.