#tesco says stuff

[totallytesco]

Knife

Knife

[mlm-blues]

i dont really pass as a guy or at least not a guy of My age i look like a 12 year old boy if im lucky. but today about 4 people i walked past, they saw me and then immediately looked at my chest 😭 which makes me a lil happy at least they are confused by my gender 👍🏽

[stargirl-mp3]

This may be TMI but I used to say I would never suck a dick but would expect a man to give but I have now reached higher levels of consciousness and now understand the appeal of giving and receiving waheguru 🙏🏽

[the-busy-ghost]

Have been watching too much House & Garden home tour videos, and honestly I want to see more normal people’s houses. Which is not to say that I want to see boring houses, I do think there should be an artistic element, but just a little further down the social scale (and posh bits of London and the Cotswolds are just banned- as beautiful as they are, it’s overdone). 

Because people who aren’t the daughters of people listed in Debrett’s (but went to art school so they’re cool apparently) do have ideas and their own interests and quirks! And I would like to see it even if their style isn’t really something I would like- I’d rather see lots of different ordinary people’s houses and hear what they take pride in rather than five houses that I love but were put together really easily by the kind of people who were born to a long line of gentleman farmers in the west country (and don’t get me started on how their farmhouses don’t even feel like real farmhouses, honestly it’s like the freaking Archers and not like any farm I’ve ever stepped on). Even if their budget doesn’t stretch to doing everything they want, so they often either feel pressure to buy everything at once from a cheap furniture store and live with a rather boring space that looks like everyone else’s (but with one or two special things) because they have kids and jobs, or if they don’t have to do it all at once they have maybe 4 items of furniture and a lot of empty space that they hope to fill as they go through life.

Better yet, give the posh designers the same budget, the same time constraints (kids, jobs, lack of efficient cleaning knowledge), and no contacts in the interior decor world and ask them to talk you through a twenty year old family home which has early noughties furniture, but brand new tv, and a severe case of Crumbs Everywhere. 

I just want to hear Sophia Poshington-Becket in her Cheltenham Ladies College accent uttering sentences like, “You know, the chairs were a gift when we bought our first house just after we were married, my husband’s parents were really kind and bought us some rather pricey Cotswold Company windsor chairs and, you know, it took us a while but we did finally find a really nice table to match. And this is our Tesco value green plastic pedal bin, we bought this in 2004 when we first moved in and, you know, the kitchen was quite a blank canvas so we really wanted to bring our love of green into the space. Yes, the tea stains streaking down the front ARE authentic- I think mostly Tetley but we did splurge on a box of Yorkshire yesterday, you know, so that might be the slightly darker tinge. It’s just such a beloved family piece, you know, and really brings a sense of whimsy and joy to the house.”

[steelycunt]

do you live in the uk?? how would you describe your accent?

hello!! yes, i live in the uk!! without being too specific for obvious reasons lol i live in greater london? so london, but not the nice bit people like to visit. the shit bit, actually. im not sure how i would describe my accent...i guess if you imagine sort of a standard english rp? and then dial down the poshness a fair bit e.g. drop most the g's at the end of words and h's at the start of certain words. it depends on where i am and who im speaking to i think. there is also a heavy amount of slang where im from which has probably influenced the way i speak too...it is practically a different language at times honestly

[moonstruckme]

Hi Mae!! I would love to read more about the dynamic between poly!marauders and reader. Like maybe some domestic fluff just showing the interaction between the boys and with reader. I love the way you write true poly with the boys together too 🥹🤍

Hi lovely, thanks for requesting!

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.2k words

“Shit!” Sirius hisses, another piece of popcorn splintering off his string. It’s nearly all cranberries at this point, and half the length of either yours or Remus’. “How are yours not breaking?”

“Patience,” Remus preaches, eyes on his needle as he slides it smoothly through yet another popcorn kernel. 

“Sounds made up,” James scoffs. The remains of his own popcorn are littered about his lap and his fingers are stained pink with cranberry juice. His problems lie in inaccuracy as much as impatience, constantly getting ahead of himself and pricking his fingers rather than his target. Fortunately, Rugby Captain James Potter is no stranger to pain, so he only extends the injured finger towards where you sit on the floor for you to kiss each time before resuming his work. 

“Completely agree.” Sirius is quick to hop on James’ half-constructed bandwagon. “They’re conspiring against us, keeping the real secrets of success to themselves.” 

“They’re focussing on their work,” you say, grinning when Sirius’ foot nudges your shoulder meanly, “which is how they keep from messing up.” 

“Cruel,” he murmurs, but you only hum, a wordless You know I’m right. And he does, because he goes quiet. 

James could never stand silence. “It’s almost cold enough for a fire,” he remarks after nearly five seconds of it. “Maybe we could have one tomorrow?” 

“You just want to chop firewood,” Remus accuses. 

“I don’t mind,” you say quietly, looking down at your hands, and Sirius nods emphatically. Another piece of popcorn shatters in his hands, bits of it hitting your shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t deter him.” 

“I don’t even get to chop it anymore since you started buying it at Tesco,” James complains, shooting Remus a resentful look. “Now I just want to watch fire. It’s the last caveman’s pleasure you’ve left me.” 

You glance over, and Remus is looking downward, trying and failing to quell his smile. “Fine,” he relents. “We can pick some up tomorrow and have a fire.”

“Yes!” James leans around Sirius, planting a smacking kiss on Remus’ cheek. “Thank you.” 

“S’no problem.” Remus has gone all soft and blushy. You and Sirius exchange a fond, knowing look. 

“Hey, do you think we could pick up some of those gingerbread house kits while we’re there?” you ask the room. “We didn’t get a chance to do those last year.” 

“Patience,” Remus reminds you, recovering. “It’s hardly the end of November, we’ve got a whole month for that.” 

Your mouth pulls dissatisfiedly. “Yeah, but last year we thought the same thing and then we ran out of time.” 

“You know what we should do?” James perks up. “Have a competition! Whoever makes the best gingerbread house in under an hour gets—”

“No,” you all say on top of each other. 

You shake your head. “It’ll take all the fun out of it, Jamie.”

“You can’t put a time limit on creativity,” Sirius agrees. “Hey, I got three in a row!” He beams, holding his garland up for Remus’ approval, and the other boy appraises it for a second, nodding sagely. 

“Well done.” 

“Sorry,” you tell James, who’s still pouting after the hasty shut-down of his idea. “We can race at something else if you want to, but that sort of stuff is supposed to be more…”

“Peaceful,” Remus supplies, and you nod relievedly. 

“Exactly.” 

“S’fine,” James sulks. He sticks his needle through a cranberry, a pitiful whine escaping him when it comes out the other side harsher than he’d expected. He extends his hand toward you palm up, and you take it, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of his finger. “Mm, now here.” He leans down, tapping the corner of his mouth. You smile, pecking him sweetly on the lips. He tastes like the peppermint chapstick he uses this time of year, which you love and Sirius abhors (he thinks all mint tastes like toothpaste). “Alright,” James says, lips curving against yours, “now it’s actually fine.” 

“Scoundrel,” Sirius accuses. “My poor darling, do you feel used?” 

“Not terribly,” you admit, but it’s no deterrence to Sirius, who reaches down to haul you into his lap. Your garland trails after you, overlapping with his. You settle in contentedly. 

“Who’s the scoundrel now,” James objects. “You can’t just move her about like she’s got no will of her own.” 

You’re perfectly happy to be wherever they want you, but you aren’t going to say that. “Does anyone fancy a hot chocolate? I just got those peppermint marshmallows.” 

Sirius makes a face. “No thanks. James, make the girl a hot chocolate.” 

“Why me?” James objects. 

“I’ll have one too,” Remus says. 

“It’s her idea, why doesn’t she make them?”

“Because she,” Sirius says, weaving his arms under yours to resume stringing up his garland in front of you, “is occupied. Go on.” 

James grumbles, but sets down his work. 

“Sorry,” you say, making your eyes extra big. It’s half sincere apology, half completely unapologetic beguilement, and James cracks quickly, kissing your cheek to show he’s not really upset. Then he kisses Sirius too, just for fun. 

“I wanted a hot chocolate anyway,” he says, heading into the kitchen. 

You fall into an easy silence as he works, the kettle gurgling in the background while you relax against Sirius’ chest, nearly finished with your garland. You wonder if you should offer to do his for him, even though you know the other two will definitely make fun of you for letting him off the hook. You think you will anyway. 

“Oh!” Sirius straightens, causing you to shift against him uncomfortably. He ignores the slighted look you send him, bringing a hand to your shoulder to hold you more securely against him. You’re easily pacified. “If you want to have a competition, you and y/n should have a race for who can wrap the most presents.” He looks at you. “You’re always saying you love wrapping, yeah sweetheart?” 

The endearment only slightly softens the look you’re giving him. Must everyone try to ruin your holiday rituals with racing and competitions? You know he’s only brought it up out of selfishness, too; Sirius hates wrapping gifts, and this is just another way for him to push the labor off on James and you. 

James, unfortunately, lights brighter than the tree you’d set up earlier that day. “Yeah!” He’s bouncing on the balls of his feet. Remus eyes the boiling water he’s pouring out at the same time warily. “What do you say, lovie? Maybe a couple of days before Christmas we can divvy up the presents that aren’t for us, then we just see who finishes first!” 

“Didn’t you already lose that competition the other night?” Remus quips. Sirius erupts in laughter behind you, but James only shoots him a hostile look (or his version of a hostile look, more of a squint than anything) before his eyes flit back to you hopefully. 

You roll your eyes, but this is one competition you think you might actually win. “Fine,” you say, smiling when he pumps his fist. “But I don’t think you know what you’re getting into, Potter. My gift wrapping skills are legendary.” 

“Oh, my love,” James croons, grinning as he carries in two mugs of hot chocolate. “My sweet, naive girl.” He passes one to Remus and the other to you, dropping a kiss on your temple. “I won’t go easy on you this time.”

[fourmoony]

hii so i was thinking could you write smth with james getting flowers for the first time from reader? it would be soo cute

hi lovely! thanks for requesting.

james x reader fluff | 711

James' shoes are haphazardly abandoned beneath the coatrack when you push your way through the door.

You're holding two bags in each hand, the crinkling of them loud in your ears as you struggle to move through the door way. The coat rack wobbles when one of the bags catches a coat that's been thrown over the top and you let out an exasperated swear under your breath. James rounds the corner with curious eyes, already changed out of his work clothes despite having only been home for what you know to be twenty minutes. He looks cozy in his Christmas pyjamas, socks pulled up with the bottoms tucked into them.

He smiles bright when your eyes meet his and steps forwards to take two of the bags from your hands. You hand them over gratefully, smiling to yourself when his lips press to your head in greeting.

"Hi, lovey," He murmurs, pulling away to make for the kitchen.

You follow, hot on his heels, chasing the scent of his boyish body wash and the warmth of his heart. "Hi. How was your day?"

James sets his bags on the kitchen island and you follow suit, "It was good. Got lunch with Sirius. He sends his love."

"No Remus?" You ask as you fall into a practiced routine of putting away the shopping, together.

It's domesticity at it's finest and you love every minute of it. James has a way of making the smallest things mean the world. With him, things like changing bed sheets or folding laundry isn't so boring. Simply because he's there, soft voiced and willing to help.

He squeezes your hip as he passes, headed to put the milk in the fridge, "Nah, he's got a deadline to meet next week, probably won't crawl out of his hole until after."

You make a mental note to check in on him through the week, even just to tidy up around him while he works, make him a meal that has more nutritional value than a Tesco microwave meal or a kebab. "I hope he's feeling more inspired than last week. Marlene said he was staring at the wall for over an hour when she went round to drop off the shortbread Mary made."

James hums in agreement, rustling around in the second bag. Cellophane crackles and your boyfriend makes a questioning noise - "Lovey, why didn't you tell me your flowers were dying, I only bought them last week."

You turn from where you're trying to stuff a bag of oven chips into the overly stuffed freezer drawer, eyebrows drawn together because your flowers aren't dying so why is James saying that they are? His eyebrows are furrowed, too, and he's standing with a bunch of bright yellow sun flowers in his hand. You smile, "They're for you, silly. Not me."

As if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

It only makes James more confused. "Why?"

Well, for starters, they're big and beautiful, and remind you of a summer's day - same as James. Secondly, he'd said only last week that his mum had grown them in her garden when he was a young boy and he missed the sight dearly. You tell him this and watch as his big hazel eyes turn soft, the hand that isn't cradling the bunch of flowers reaching out for you.

You crowd his space, happy to be so close to him, all cozy and warm and smelling so handsome. The tops of his cheeks are pink and he's smiling so wide it makes your heart melt. He looks almost bashful.

"I've never had someone buy me flowers before." He says it so quietly you're not sure if you were even supposed to hear.

"Well," You press your lips to the underside of his jaw, "Now you have."

He smiles even wider, presses his lips to yours and you feel the familiar warmth spread through your body at his touch. His fingers brush along your waist line, eyes on his bright bunch of sun flowers.

"Thanks, baby."

His smile is sweet and sticky like honey, a familiar feeling in your chest, and all you want to do is kiss him again. So you do. He welcomes it.

"You're welcome, Jamie."

[megumimania]

london boy eren, jean and connie hcs!!

a/n: back on my connie bs again after @westcinny said he gave central cee vibes i’ve been obsessed . also snuck eren and jean here cuz why not 🤭 the format changed when it got to eren and jean it was 3am when i was writing this and i got lazy sorry 😭

warnings: slight connie x reader if you squint! v brief mention of weed

mini glossary:

bump- to get on public transport without paying

bait- someone who is well known.

leng- means beautiful or attractive

CONNIE

londoner!connie who is from south and is always repping it to the point where people are sick of him like bro we get it!😭

londoner!connie who is a trapstar/techfleece warrior even when it’s hot asf outside, he refuses to take if off

but when he does take it off trust you’ll see him in a white tee, grey shorts combo with a gold chain and af1s

londoner!connie who always bumping train despite him having an oyster card with money on it (tfl be charging extortionate prices for the train tho😔)

londoner!connie who has several tattoos, (with one dedicated to you ofc) also has a shit ton of piercings

londoner!connie who’s playlist mostly consists of drill music (both uk and ny cuz he doesn’t have a preference) but is always on the hunt for new genres of music

londoner!connie who has deffo taken his birthday pic at canary wharf once 😭 (its a rite of passage for us londoners i swearrrr)

londoner!connie who used to use his e scooter to get around everywhere cuz he failed his driving test a couple of times. but now he’s driving a benz so progress ig!

londoner!connie who rarely goes to motives but when he does its because you ask him to, he always stands to the side with his drink watching you dance with your friends, before you drag him in to catch a whine from you

londoner!connie who is more of a smoker than a drinker, trust that he always has a blunt behind his ear but sometimes you’ll catch him sipping a magnum

londoner!connie who is ALWAYS at the chicken and the chip shop its gotten to the point where bossman already inputs his order without saying anything

londoner!connie who pops up to your ig stories with either ‘😍😍’ or ‘you’re looking leng icl’

londoner!connie who despite his cold demeanour is loved by the little kids on the estate like hes always spoiling them buying them sweets, toys all that shit

londoner!connie who calls girls darlin’ or babe

EREN

he would be from north or northwest london

eren would be bait like he prob has half of london on snap

he knows connie from mutual friends

fellow tech fleece warrior like he owns so much in so many colours omg

eren refuses to drive, he rides his e scooter everywhere or he ubers most of the time

he got banned from tfl after trying to bump train and got caught by the ticket officer

he’s always at motives like every week no matter how far they are

has several girls in rotation, london boys are not loyal sorry 😔

you can catch him at westfields tryna chat to girls

he got rich from crypto so he’s always at the shard or the ivy or at hakkasan

but he does fraud on the side always doing refund methods sigh

eren’s ig stories consist of him smoking, him thirst trapping with drill in the back or him flexing with stacks of cash

has an insane watch and jewellery collection

JEAN

Jean would not be from london lmao

but if he did he would probably live in like wimbledon or some shit

Hes one of those guys who claim london but they live in surrey

He’s a corteiz/stussy warrior he’d never be caught dead in anything else

Always talking about uk undergroud rap but only knows knucks or sainte

He forces the slang so hard 😭 when he knows that he had never spoken like that in his life

Jean probably drives a range rover

Hes’s always at hyde park

Jean is a vape addict like ik he has a collection of vapes LOOOL

he always shops at harrods and waitrose none of that tesco, lidl stuff for him

[beaft]

my new budgeting app keeps sending me these little messages which i assume are meant to shame me for my frivolous spending habits, but because i'm not a big spender it just ends up saying stuff like "uh-oh, looks like you splurged at ALDI last week!" and "cheeky shopping spree at TESCO EXPRESS? we see you 👀 " which i find funnier than i really should. like ooh look at me, filling my bag with decadent luxuries like (checks notes) toilet rolls and cat litter

[qqueenofhades]

May I ask for new year’s eve Dreamling watching the ball drop because Hob celebrates every year, Morpheus isn’t the sort of person who cares at all, but Hob forces him to celebrate and wear the dumb paper glasses and stuff anyway

"Hob," Dream says, not for the first time, in a deeply pained tone. "I simply do not see why this rigmarole is necessary."

"It's necessary because I say it's necessary, you joyless git." Hob dulls the sting by leaning over to plant a kiss on Dream's cheek, adjust the 2024 cardboard glitter crown from Tesco that is perched atop the dread dark head of the immortal King of Dreams and Nightmares, and throw an arm over his shoulders -- all of which Dream suffers with the tense, bristled wariness of a cat suddenly subjected to excessive snuggling. "Plus, there's going to be a general election this year -- fucking finally -- and the Tories are going to get thrown out on their kleptocratic arses. Good as any reason to celebrate, if you ask me."

Morpheus mutters something under his breath that Hob can't understand but doesn't sound particularly complimentary, but for once in his eternal-ageless-stubborn-bastard life, decides not to press the point. He's already been horribly traumatized by enduring the New Year's Eve party and being forced to socialize with Hob's friends from around London and the South East and colleagues from Goldsmiths and all the other strays he's picked up over the years (indeed, very much like Dream himself). All right, socialize might be a stretch. More like lurking ominously with a single glass of prosecco and giving the other guests a fright when they come round the corner too fast, but at least he hasn't run screaming into the night or huffily evaporated into the Dreaming never to return, so Hob is going to optimistically count that as a success. Besides, it is tacitly agreed between the two of them that Hob's love language is cheerily bullying Morpheus into taking part in normal human courtship activities and Morpheus's concession is to act like this is the worst thing to ever happen to him in literally eighty billion years, but still grudgingly put up with it. Baby steps, Hob thinks, taking a swig of his own bubbly and looking back at the television. Baby steps.

It's already the New Year in Oz and the rest of Down Under, and five hours off yet in New York, where they're still greasing up the ball drop in Times Square, but it's just about time in London, the fireworks over the Thames are all set to go, and Hob and the ten other people in his flat (hardly an excessive number, not that you'd know it from Morpheus's face) lean forward in eagerness. The bloke on the BBC leads a countdown, it rolls over to 00:00:01 GMT, 1 January 2024, and everyone lets out a boozy cheer, raising glasses to salute each other and making more please-God-help-us jokes about the Tories. Hob, meanwhile, turns to Morpheus, who gazes expectantly back at him with those luminous, star-flecked eyes, and leans in to kiss him -- quickly, chastely, nothing to make the silly goose come over in his melodramatic conniptions all over again. "Happy new year, darling."

Dream huffs, but he does look slightly pleased. (It's a subtle art, reading his expressions, and to the untutored looks no different from "mildly constipated," but Hob still knows his Stranger well.) "Happy new year, Hob Gadling," he allows, after a long moment. "I still do not understand why you feel it necessary to celebrate all this. Have you not seen so many that it is no longer special?"

"See, that's exactly why." Hob should get up and refill the pigs-in-blankets tray, as there is evidently nothing that British academics love more and it has been descended on like starving vultures, but he doesn't feel like it, not yet. He grins at Morpheus instead, lowering his voice, not that there's much risk of anyone overhearing. "A bloke born all the way back in God's Year 1356, and I'm still here, ringing in the fucking year 2024? That's a bloody miracle, you ask me. And with you, no less? What else would I want in the whole world?"

Dream's expression melts a little, despite himself. A faint pink flush climbs into his elegant ice-sculpted cheeks, and he huffs. "You are quite the flatterer, Robert Gadling."

"Eh." Hob takes a more comfortable position, settles deeper into the couch cushions, and feels, with great vindication, Dream's head tip and lean and rest on his shoulder, snuggling closer entirely of his own volition. "You love it."

[totallytesco]

if you could pick a song to describe yourself or this blog, what would it be? -@walmart-the-official

"look ma, no brains" by green day

What about you @walmart-the-official

[heyidkyay]

And if it weren't this dark |

(Tip of the tongue but I can't deliver it properly)

Part One

A/N: hey, a short Alex one for you! it's been in my drafts for a while now, and isn't proofread but I figured I'd just post it and see if anyone likes it, first time writing for him so bare with me..

Summary: You and Alex have been together for ages and it's been so incredible, only now things have changed and you're struggling to tell him just how you feel.

Warning: angst- but also a bit of fluff so, lack of communication

Part Two

--

I’d been dropping hints.

JESUS CHRIST had I been dropping hints.

There wasn’t a day gone by that I hadn’t thought about it finally happening. But as I mentioned, I’d been dropping hints only, they hadn’t been hitting.

So either I was relatively shit at this whole charade or… Alex was just utterly clueless.

I was leaning more towards the latter. But maybe I was simply biased, because over the last coming weeks my hints hadn’t been all that subtle.

I mean, only the other day we’d been on the way to my sister’s house for tea- she’d recently gotten engaged and mum had wanted to celebrate the only way my family really knew how. With good food. 

But neither Alex or I had remembered to pick up the wine we’d promised beforehand, and so we’d popped into the local Tesco’s on the drive over to pick up a few bottles. And whilst we’d been perusing- as you do- we’d somehow found ourselves wandering down the baby aisle.

Yes, the baby aisle. Because that was what I’d been waiting on. A baby. Or rather, a fucking good shag that then led to a baby.

Because, let’s be honest, I really wasn’t one to turn down a good time, far from, but these last few weeks there had been something else I’d been rather hoping for.

Everyone (and I mean everyone!!) around us was either settling down, buying homes, building families, or getting engaged. And Alex and I, well we’d been together for years and yet, nothing.

No ring. No big day planned. No talks of the future. Nada.

Nothing.

And I could honestly say that I wasn’t the type that needed that kind of security voiced or announced.

Truly. 

When Alex and I had first gotten together, I’d only realised that we were properly seeing each other when some other lad at a house party had tried to pull me. I’d never seen Alex so possessive, and it had been proper cute and a tad bit funny in the moment. He’d ‘staked his claim’- how cliche and chauvinistic, yes I know- but that was what had quickly taken us from Y/n and Alex, to Y/nandAlex. Which had suited me quite fine.

So yeah, him and I, since then had always sort of relied on our actions to simply show how we were feeling. 

Like when we’d first moved in together. There’d not been much of a discussion about it, my flat had quickly become the first place Alex would come back to after touring, his stuff had just started taking up space- washing in the dryer, dirty trainers in the hallway- and then he’d started calling it home. ‘Let’s head home, shall we?’ and ‘We’ll be home soon, darling.’ 

And that was all lovely. I adored having that kind of connection with him. 

But there were times when I desperately wished he would open up a little more about what he was thinking. Because although I could read him like an open book most days- his emotions especially- there were far and few times in between when I just felt so lost.

Like recently, I supposed.

I feel like we’ve been on the same page for so long, only now I’m ready to turn anew, start another chapter. Together.

But Alex? I have no fucking clue what he wants.

In all honesty, I think he’d be rather content to just carry on as we have been for the rest of eternity. No talk, no hashing things out. Have Christmas dinner with his parents, spend Boxing Day with mine. New Years in London, back home in time for spring. Same order from the local kebab, Friday nights stay reserved for one another.

And that would be it.

Lost to this routine.

Not that I was expecting a proposal or some grand gesture. I wasn’t much into the idea of any of that! No, just- I wanted more, you know?

I wanted that family I’d always dreamt about, that house we’d quickly make a home. I wanted nappies and nightly feeds, baby-grows which then turned into dungarees. Ten tiny little toes, someone with a cute button nose, a person made up of both him and I. 

But I just didn’t know when that would happen, or if it ever would.

So yeah- Tesco’s. Fuck, did I love to ramble! If Alex could only hear me now I supposed. 

So, as I was saying, we’d been stood in the baby aisle, Alex scrolling through his phone aimlessly, waiting for my dad to text him back a reply after we’d asked if they’d needed anything else whilst we were out. And me, staring starry eyed at the tiny socks and mittens and cute little newborn tees that were on display.

I’d said to him, almost thoughtlessly, “Imagine us having to buy all this. All these tiny little things.”

He’d just glanced up at me, smiled, hummed. Then replied, “Your dad asked if you’d pick him up some of that heartburn medication he buys. Says his acid reflux is playing up again.”

And hadn’t that just been grand? Mentioning my father’s gastrointestinal issues whilst we’d been stood surrounded by adorable little baby items, with me unsubtly referencing the image of US buying some for OUR child in the (now very obvious and very, very far) future.

Incredibly clued in, my Alex.

That hadn’t even been the worst of it though.

A few weeks back, my friend had mentioned that her and her fiancé were actively trying to conceive and I’d been so over the moon for the pair of them. All excited about the chance of having another baby to spoil rotten.

And Alex, he had been all smiles whilst congratulating them, sat comfortably beside me, but when I’d brought it up again on the drive home, he’d simply shrugged it off as though it was a thing that occurred every other day. 

Your mates starting a family. Nothing too out of the ordinary there, at least not to Alex. 

It had royally pissed me off in truth.

And I’d been a little off with him ever since, I think he knew it too.

“Love?”

I blinked out of the daze I’d let myself get lost in and looked away from the laptop screen I’d been staring at for the last, however long. I hummed quietly to him in reply, titling my head against the cushions and over towards where he was stood in the doorway.

“Been calling your name for a while now, you alright?” He quirked a brow up at me, a smug little smile limning his lips as he leant against the frame. He didn’t even know how good he looked. 

I nodded with a small smile then glanced away, back towards the email I’d just been typing. “‘M fine. Just need to get this done.”

Alex said nothing but I heard the soft shuffle of his socked feet across our wooden floors before the settee dipped beside me. He rested his chin against my shoulder, peering down at the screen.

“Just wanted to know what you fancied for tea.” Alex murmured, breath brushing against the skin of my neck. I withheld a shiver. “Figured we could order from that place round the corner.”

I rolled my lip against the other, pushing my glasses up my nose before I wrote another passage, honing all of my focus on finishing this email so that I could finally just relax for the evening.

“Whatever you want, Al. I’m not all that fussed.”

Alex leant away from me slightly, back pressing against the settee cushions, he stayed that way for a while and I could feel his presence as I continued to type away. It was only a short time later that I grinned triumphantly down at the laptop and clicked send, thankful to have it gone and out of my mind.

“All done, cherry?”

Smiling at the familiar petname, my eyes flickered over towards him. I took in the woollen jumper he wore, as well as his hair which was tousled and unkept, probably from having run his hands through it all day. I was only just able to stop myself from reaching out to tangle my fingers in it, wanting to smooth it over. 

“All done.” I murmured faintly and gifted him a tired smile.

Alex was the type to take something and run with it though, so I wasn’t all that surprised when he grinned right back at me and extended a hand out to cradle my left cheek. I leaned into his warmth for a second, allowing his thumb to brush the skin under my eye, probably from where today’s makeup had just begun to smudge. 

I inhaled after and slowly pulled away. Not paying much mind to the way Alex slumped slightly and instead opting to busy myself with putting away my laptop and clearing up the mess I’d made of the coffee table. 

I did it all quietly, picking up the two mugs of tea I’d made, one empty, the other barely touched from where I’d forgotten about it, whilst Alex watched on. The tele remote was perched on the very edge of the table and so I tossed it over towards him, padding my way into the kitchen.

“Put something on, will you? Think there’s a good film on Channel 5.” I prompted over my shoulder, glancing at him through the tramson window that had been installed shortly after the sink had sprung a leak during last tour and flooded the flat, forcing us to make do whilst the owner had remodelled.

Pressing the power up button, Alex flipped the remote around in his hand a couple of times, he looked deep in thought and so I left him be, choosing to wash up the two mugs as well as the few stray knives and forks which littered the basin. 

I hummed quietly to myself, an old song I could hardly recall the lyrics of, whilst I worked, thinking about the many things I had to get done before the weekend started. 

It was Alex’s voice which startled me from my musings actually. He was so much closer now than he’d been before when he spoke up again, I'd obviously not heard his approach.

“So, tea?” Alex questioned me with a slight furrow between his brows, he’d propped himself up against the kitchen counter about an arms width away.

“God, Al! What are you- a wraith? Don’t sneak up on me like that!” I scolded, having jumped out of my skin. I took a deep breath. “Could’ve had a heart attack or something over the kitchen sink.”

Alex chuckled lowly at me, clearly amused by my reaction, he shook his head. “Make headlines, you- woman dies whilst doing the washing up! Reckon it’ll lead to a riot- start up a petition that’ll change the way we wash dishes forever.”

I rolled my eyes, flicking a few soap duds at him in retaliation which only made him reach out towards me. I tried to evade him but he was too quick, sweeping and wrapping me up in his arms so that I couldn’t proceed to splash him any further.

“You always been this much of a weirdo?” I huffed, not making much of an effort to escape his hold even as I struggled to blow a strand of hair out of my face. 

He hummed, smiling down at me as we begun to sway. “Might’ve been. No getting rid of me now that you’ve finally realised it though.”

I playfully winced in retort, forcing out a loud put-upon sigh. “Should’ve just kept quiet and slipped out once you’d fallen asleep watching the tele.”

Alex narrowed his eyes at me, tugging me in tighter. “As if you would.” He taunted.

I simply smirked in retort and let my damp hands work their way under the soft material of his jumper. I cackled loudly at the way he shivered and jumped away from me like a frightened cat during a thunderstorm.

“Ah, you’re in for it!” Alex declared, his face a right picture.

Quick as I could, I dived to my left so that I could position the kitchen counter between us, bracing myself against it to grin over at him. “Should’ve thought twice about that before telling me what to do, Turner.”

“Minx.” Alex smirked, and then he pounced.

We spent the next however long running about the flat after that. 

He’d somehow been able to grab at me in the hallway but I’d thankfully managed to wrangle my way out of his hold, sprinting into our room to use the bed to my advantage. I rolled over it, putting a dent in the freshly made sheets but using the spare moment to take a couple- much needed- deep breaths whilst Alex waltzed slowly inside. I scowled when the door closed behind him. He flashed me a victorious smile.

“Unfair. I’m at a disadvantage.” I pouted, hoping it would soften him slightly. But when that didn’t work I resorted back to a narrow eyed glare. “Open the door, Alex.”

“I don’t think so, Angel-face. You see, I’ve got you cornered.”

I looked for another escape, Alex only growing nearer, but my only options were limited. I could either goad him and then dart towards the door, or dive out the window. 

Seeing as though I didn’t much fancy breaking my neck, I opted for the former.

“Come on, Al.” I chuckled breathlessly, perching precariously on the edge of the mattress in hopes of lowering his defences a little. “We’ve had fun, but I’m proper knackered now. Call it quits so we can have a cuddle?”

Alex glanced over at me warily, he knew me far too well but appeared to be on the verge of agreement. He slowly made his way over towards the bed, shoulders hunched, still on his guard. 

“Promise?”

I hummed my vague assent, smiling up at him softly.

He paused with squinted eyes, “You’ve gotta verbalise it, love. Don’t count otherwise.”

I tilted my head up at him, feigning confusion. But we both knew I wouldn’t say it unless I really meant it. I kept my word.

That little flaw of mine seemed to trip me up though, and we both realised it at the same time too. So as I manoeuvred my way towards the door- feeling like Kim Possible, might I add- Alex was already in motion, catching me by the hips before I could even surpass the foot of the bed.

“Alex!” I screamed, only growing louder when he threw me over his shoulder and span us around. “Put me down! Now!”

“I fucking knew it!” Alex laughed merrily, bouncing me about the place. I swatted at his back unhappily, starting to feel my stomach in my throat. “Knew you’d try something.”

“Yeah, yeah… proper clever, you. Can you put me fucking down now? Think I’m gonna yosh.”

I could only roll my eyes when he dropped me on my arse, although thankfully it was on the mattress. Huffing, I fought to tame the mess he’d probably made of my hair.

“Twat.”

Alex merely chuckled, leaning in close to tuck a strand of stray hair behind my ear. I smiled when he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Hm, so you say.” I replied, peering up at him from where he towered over me, his hand falling to frame my jaw.

He leant in again, smiling as his lips met mine. “Had to show you who’s boss, didn’t I? Couldn’t let you get away with that.”

I gave an airy titter, pushing him away so that I could pull myself to my feet. “I could’ve had you on your arse the second you strolled in here, was just playing fair.”

He caught my wrist before I could retreat back into the living room, encasing my hand in his. I frowned slightly, looking back at him, mainly confused.

“What’s up?” I questioned him. His brown eyes flickered back and forth between my own, he looked conflicted all of a sudden, it was something you didn’t see on Alex too often which caused my frown to deepen, “Alex?” I prodded.

A small sigh escaped him and his gaze fell towards our joined hands, I let my thumb brush against the back of his own, wanting to reassure him in some way.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked again, stepping closer. My other hand braced his forearm.

Alex’s eyes found mine once more and I didn’t think I had ever seen him this torn up. It threw me a bit, his demeanour had changed so quickly, it was like he’d done a total one-eighty on me.

“Think I should be asking you that question.”

I frowned at Alex’s vague reply.

“What do you mean? I’m fine, Alex. Annoyed that you won, but I’ll get you the next time.” I assured him, chuckling softly at the end. But it didn’t seem to do much.

Alex just shook his head, stepping away towards the window. He dragged a hand across his face, rubbing at his chin whilst he gazed down at the street below. 

“Al…” I tried. “Alex. Will you look at me?”

His eyes fell shut, he squeezed them as though he was trying to sort through a messy array of thoughts, of emotions.

Then he sighed. “I just don’t get you sometimes. One second you’re off with me, hardly even have the time to spare a glance my way. Then the next, we’re as happy as Larry, dancing about the kitchen, play-fighting, laughing.”

I had to look away, down towards my feet as a surge of guilt rippled through me. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that he had no idea about all the thoughts that were raging about inside my head. It wasn’t his fault that I was too scared to just come out with it. To tell him what I so does wanted. To just talk to him. 

None of the blame was on him and yet, I’d still placed it all there.

“I’m sorry.” I said, slumping down onto the edge of the mattress with a sigh. My eyes trailed over to find him staring back, his face gave nothing away. “I’ve been an utter twat. And I’ve been so fucking unfair to you. I- I don’t know, Al. I’ve just been struggling with a lot lately. But it really is nothing that you’ve done.”

Alex released a long breath, thumbing the bridge of his nose before he walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside me. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. Because it really was now or never. I either told him or… I got over myself. And nothing would change.

“You say you’ve been struggling.”

I angled my head over towards him upon hearing his words, Alex continued to look onwards though, his hands clasped between his knees.

He looked a lot older in that moment, and it reminded me of just how long we’d been together. I could recall a similar moment we’d shared well over a decade ago now, just before the band’s very first London gig.

Alex had spent weeks torturing himself over it, figuring that they’d be wasting their time playing to an empty room. 

It had been the night before they’d been set to leave when he’d come round mine. It’d been late. Really late, as in only mere hours before the train he’d been expected on was set to depart. 

It had just been the two of us. But that hadn’t ever been an unusual occurrence. We’d sat in silence together for a longwhile on my messy bedsheets- he’d always been the type to struggle with words. Strange for a songwriter, yeah, but unless they were accompanied by a couple chords then Alex could honestly spend a millennia searching for the right ones to use if you’d let him. 

He had spoken up eventually though. Told me what was bugging him. And I’d been the one to try and right every bad thought he’d had. Dull his racing mind. 

I’d always very much doubted his fears, about no one wanting to listen to their music outside of Sheffield. Outside of the safety net we’d grown up in. But Alex was as stubborn as I was, and so we’d spent a lot of late nights arguing about it. We’d always make up for it though come morning. 

And Alex had gone, obviously. I’d been one of the few to see the band off that morning, waving goodbye even as the train blurred and disappeared out of sight. He’d phoned me later that night after the gig, I’d heard his smile, he’d gone on this long rant about how wrong he’d been. Because the pillock had only gone and gotten carried around the venue on a sea of hands, hadn’t he?

This moment didn’t feel quite the same though. Because these fears I’d been facing, well they didn’t threaten anything outside of the four walls we’d carved for ourselves. If I told him how I felt, there was a very big chance that he might not feel the same, want the same. There was a very real chance he could just walk away.

“If it’s been so bad. Why didn’t you just come to me?” Alex asked and his eyes found mine then, that warm brown of his appeared so oddly defeated. So much so, I struggled to find a reply. 

“Just come out with it. Please. ‘Cause all this up and down, and back and forth. I don’t know if I can take much more. It’s been driving me round the bend. I hate reaching out towards you and feeling you pull further away. Kills me. Hate feeling like there’s something standing between us. ‘Cause it’s never been that way. Not with me and you.”

My throat grew tight with tears, but I wouldn’t cry, not now. Not when it was me who had caused all this.

“I know.” I had to take a deep breath to keep them at bay. To hide the strain in my voice. I pivoted so that my knee folded beneath me and I could really see his face. He followed, taking ahold of my hands. “I know, and I am sorry. Truly. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. That I let it get this bad. That I let you get so torn up. I didn’t even realise.”

Alex pulled me into an embrace, hand holding the back of my neck as I buried my face in his. Because that was the man Alex was, he put me above everything else. Including himself.

“It’s fine, sweetheart.” He hushed, thumb brushing over the top of my spine. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

I did know that. But still.

“I don’t want to lose you, Alex.”

That probably hadn’t been the best thing to say. Alex all but flung himself back, alarm swimming in his eyes as he levelled me with a long look.

“Lose me? What’s that meant to mean? Why would you lose me?”

A tear fell then, followed by a couple more. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing them away, hating the thought of seeing him so distraught.

“Y/n. Love. Please, you’re actually beginning to scare me now. Tell me what’s happened.”

I tried to look away. I didn’t want to do this, not here not now, but his fingers grasped my chin, tugging me back to face him.

A sob spilled from my lips and I crumpled slightly, his hands jumped up to my shoulders, struggling to hold me up.

“What could have you this worked up?” He stressed, shaking me slightly. “Just tell me, because all the fucking things I’ve got racing through my head. I- Put me out of my misery at least. Please.”

It took all the strength I had to peer up at him, eyes red and raw. “I want more, Alex. I want more than just this.”

After I’d said it, I wanted to take all my words back. The hurt that flashed across his face felt like a sharp slap to mine. He started to move, to stand. And I realised he was about to leave.

“Al. Alex.” I called, tried. Clutching at his arm. “Alex, please! Just listen, will you?”

He wasn’t having it. Shaking his head at me as he stormed his way out of the bedroom.

“I can’t believe you’ve just said that.”

It was like a punch to the gut, hearing the upset that lined his voice. His back was to me as I chased after him, I’d ever seen him like this.

“I didn’t mean it! Not like that! Not in the way it sounded.”

“Like fuck you didn’t mean it, Y/n!” Alex shouted, and I caught a glimpse of his face when he went to tug his jacket off the hanger by the front door. 

I could count the times I’d seen Alex cry on one hand. But right then, there were tears in his eyes.

“Alex.” I pleaded with him.

A deathly silence fell between us, I watched his shoulders sag before he turned back around towards me. I wanted nothing more than to hold him again. Take away all his pain, the pain I’d caused.

“If you leave right now, I’ll never forgive you.” I choked out, “Please don’t leave. Please.”

He stared at me. Long and hard.

“Tell me the truth then.”

His voice was nothing but a strained whisper. He looked so tired, arms slumped helplessly by his sides.

I swallowed thickly. Hands fisted against my chest.

Alex scoffed at me then and ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his stinging eyes. He shook his head and went for the latch.

I felt my eyes fall close. It was now or never, I supposed. He was leaving either way.

“I want a baby, Alex.”

[benslittlestarkiller]

Simon Riley HeadCanon

Simon care about you deeply. He would do anything for you

He would lay down his life for you, extremely protective

If you go to the store he carries everything (including you) and pushes the cart cuz he's a man who take care of his woman

He has a fat ass

He actually good driver when you in car with him. He cares about your safety

He owns a motorcycle. It's old, vintage but he takes good care of it

He lets you ride but ONLY if you wear helment and sefetey gear

He calls you "babycakes"

If you have to walk somewhere late at night, no you don't

He drive you

His thighs are thick like tree trucks

His cock big as a Stanley cup

When it rains he makes sure to drive you so you safe.

Simon helped you get into his truck. You were only 5 feet tall so small he hand to pick you up practically as you struggled to get in

You could feel his hardened body and manhood pressing into your backside as he helped you up.

You glance at him over shoulder

"Simon Jr is excisted?" you ask with a wink.

Simon grunted like caveman.

His hands gripped your hops. Tightened suddenly. He ground into you like a mortal and pestle.

As if crushing seeds

Tou let out a moon of pleasure at the sentation

This sound only made him more excited

Ghost let out a primal growel from deep inside his chest it rumbled like the wheels of a lifted truck. Or lightening.

Ur hand graibedb the leather seat of truck that you bent over seat

"Simon people will see us," you cried out but couldn't help a moan of ecstasy as his cock glided against your princess parts

You were already dropping wet at the sanitation. So was he.

As he lifted you he also lifted your skirt exposing hour pink princess

Part

To the world

But he steeped closer hiding you away.

You are for his eye only. No other man can even looo at you.

"Ur minE!!!" He say "ain't that roight, babycakes?"

"Yes sir!" You screamed. "I'm yours!!!"

You didn't care if everyone in the neighborhood could hear it.

He pulled your panties aside and then...

He let our a loud growl like that of a wild tiger in the wild woods running after its prey catching its prey in its jaw and biting down I. Ecstacy it was like that

So primal so animalistic was his LOVE for YOu.....

He filled your body, slamming his large and tick and juicy and hot and veins cok into u

Over and over. So fast and rough that he rocked the truck in the street where it was parked along the sidewalk.

You gripped the passenger seat for dear life

Cars drive by

Simon 's trusting is hard and fast you scream with each blow of his man hidden inside hou

He hit spot so deep in you you you felt him up in your throat. You feel so full cuz of it. Reaching 0laces you didn't knew about.

Your muscles begi. To tught as your pleasure build inside your feminine flower beads of wetness droop f

Down your feet onto the car of the truck

You s cream wo lpugly as you come for him

The tightness of yur tight English Channel was too much for he

With a rosr like a bear un the jungle he comes

Think and creamy spurts of his manky essence flows into your cavern which socks it allll up. It flows thru you deep into the trenches of your waiting thirsty womb where it plants itself.

The two of your stay entwined for one heart and then two and then....THREE

5 seconds pass and then he pull put of you. With a gush or his seeds and yours he stuff it back in his pants. Before placing your panties back whete they go. Then he leans over and gives your pussy a kiss above the fabric. "Good girl," he tells her (your pussy)

You smjle at the affectionate gesture it fills you heart wirj deep pulsating juicy love

Simon would be a good dad

He loves kids and can't wait to see you fat with his little ones

Thus is why he always makes sure to fill hu with his thick and virile seed every day and night sometimes multiple times in row.

He have no refraction period

And is always hard

He fixes your skirt and then helps you into the Honda Civic truck

The two of your drive away to Tesco to shop for banana, his cum spilling out of you and staining the seat of the vehicle, but Simon didn't care in fact he l9ved to see it.

The wind

[jaeedraszaerysz]

JOHNNY, BAM, STEVE-O, CHRIS AND RYAN WITH A NORTHERN ENGLISH S/O

Notes: this might have some more teesside oriented aspects so I apologise and I try to keep it as neutral as possible while still writing decent shit ✨️

Warnings: swearing, injury (obv u fuckin dumbass), sexual references??

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE

Will 100% dress up in a suit and take you to a fancy ass restaurant while working his shittiest English accent

Got confused as fuck when you started using any slang/roadman terms

Defos uses words wrong

Went round calling everyone wanker for a full day

Thought chav was a fucking food at first defos

LOVES HEARING U SPEAK

will listen to u chat for hours

MY DAYS HES OBSESSED

So let's say jackass came to England yea

And u went up north to visit ur mates and stuff yea

Wouldn't understand a fuckin thing u was on about if u were talking to your mates

Thought a parmo was a sex move and was GOBSMACKED

He defos went to a pub with u and the guys and they got the piss ripped of them by a bunch of sweaty geezas in their 50s 😭

Take him to any beach and you will 100% have to restrain him from jumping of the end of a pier into a bunch of rocks

Caught onto u saying innit so much and now says it unironically and the guys have a laugh taking the mick out of him

Poor sod

But he's devoted to you

Defos would make roadman and chav skits w u outside a maccies or a tesco extra

BAM MARGERA

Asking if u know every single British rockstar to ever exist

Was confused when u told him it was almost 5 hours from London to anywhere near ur gaff

Got scrapped by a bunch of year 7s outside a one stop if u took him to England

Takes the mick out of yu in a cute way

Copies ur words

DEFOS TOLD JOHNNY TO PACK IT IN ONCE AND U WERE FUCKING CREASING

Told him u met Janick Gers from iron maiden and had drinks wiv him in the pub one time and he almost diedddd.

You could defos persuade him to dress up in a Adidas traccy and run fru ur local shopping center screaming sweet Caroline and tripping over eachother

you took him to hmv?

Big mistake

He never wants to leave

Defos has all the badges and posters

Spent an hour minimum sat on the floor with you looking at the band t shirts

Would complain constantly about weather but would kiss you in the rain

Got stuck in a shitty kids swing at the park

CHRIS PONTIUS

Lives for your voice

Copies ur every word

If u took him to ur hometown he would cling onto your arm and NOT let go

Called someone a geezer at a local boots and got scrapped

Yano them rando tarzees kids make out of rope and stuff but their always like 50 meters of the ground?

He found one

Jumped off

Flew like a mufucken bird

BEANS ON TOAST

WHAT AN INVENTION

His mind was opened to the 4th dimension that day

Imagine he pulled a party boy stunt in the town center

GOT CALLED A NONCEWING BY A BUNCH OF CHAVS

Wore a tie everywhere u went while u were their

Says oh my days religiously now

Fails a stunt? Oh my days

Trips? Oh my days

Bam pulls a rocky on him? Oh my fucking days

LOVES YOU SM THO

His little English, tea drinking princess

STEVE-O

Steve-o lived in England for alot of his childhood, always on the move so he was a bit more calm than most

BUT CAUSE HE WAS FROM DOWN SOUTH AND YOU UP NORTH THAT DONET STOP HIM

makes fun of northern chavs and compares them

Says the North is like a diff country all together js on account of the people and the weather

Thinks ur footie teams r shite

Defos got kicked up the arse for that one

Meal deals man

His fave thing after you

Esp from tescos

LYNX AFTERSHAVE IS HIS THING OMFS

Understands some British slang but is still confused by majority of ur convoz with people from ur home town

TAKE HIM TO FLAMINGO LAND

INSTANT MAYHEM

Sold gimicky vapes to some year 8s and fucking pissed himself laughing when they realised

RYAN DUNN

Swears at everyone with "posh words"

Wanker, bell-end, twat, muppet, cunt.

Picked up the accent on the words too

Fucking fab tha

GOT APPROACHED BY A PROZZIE

was terrified

Defos asked where her teeth were and got chased off

Thinks corner shops in England r the best thing ever

Manjaros? The takeaway not the mountain?

LOVED IT

DONNER KEBAB ✨️💅

Has been chased by council estate grannies for shoving you into people's gardens

Sat with you at the top of those shitty rope climbing frames in the park and u had a legit romantic moment

SPOILER ALERT! bam got photos of u kissing up there

Yano them random tunnels under the main roads yea?

Went down them wiv u and u ended up in a field with him laying on your chest and looking at the stars

[cosmal]

hi! congrats!! boygenius — send me a character and a concept and i’ll write some headcanons! with doing sirius' makeup? <3

thank u ahhh omg this was so fun i kinda like it, it feels so sirius

sirius doesnt care if you're good or not, he loves it when you do his makeup.

he loves to get you in his lap on the floor, legs spread over his waist, holding you by your hips while you do it.

where you touch his face with gentle fingers. watching where your tongue slips out past your teeth when you're trying to focus. the pinch in your brows.

"stop moving, baby. i'll stuff it up."

"sorry, you just look so pretty." he'll say, squeezing the fat of your hips.

"i'll poke your pretty eye out."

"go for it, baby."

"stop it, sirius."

he'll let you take your time. careful where you draw his liner or lay on his shiny gloss.

where your palm comes up to rest on his warming cheeks!!!!! god he loves everything about it.

he'll talk to you about the most stupid shit to mess with you.

"i'll get a hard on if you keep wriggling about like that, lovely."

you'll swat his chest. "sirius! you're the one pushing your fingers into my ribs."

"you're totally right."

sometimes he gets you to do it because he wants to feel you so close.

"you'll do my makeup for me lovely?"

"we going out?'

"might go to tesco's later, not sure."

"yeah, okay, baby."

sometimes when he's too lazy to do it before a night out, and he knows you're already ready, he'll get you to do it.

"you want silver or purple glitter?"

"whatever you think's best."

"you wearing your jacket?"

"of course."

"silver it is then."

then you put on his gloss and he'll say some shit like,

"can I wear your gloss?"

"yeah, s'in my purse, lemme go grab it."

"no, just kiss me. please?"

"you'll smudge it."

"it'll be all over my chin by the end of the night, anyways, baby."

"you're awful."

"I know."

you kiss him. and it is all over his chin by the end of the night. and his cheek. lips.

[swampbrick]

Y’all have waited so patiently for me to get my shit together and format this post, and for that, I thank y’all endlessly (for not calling me out on my avoidant personality and procrastination xoxo)

Without further ado, I give you…

Swamp’s GhostSoap Recs

PART TWO

(electric boogaloo)

My qualifications to make this post are that I’m neurodivergent and have read over half the damn archive at this point.

If you see your fic featured here and don't want it included in a rec post, just shoot me a dm! Will remove any from the list without question or complaint at the author's request.

Notes: I tried to sort some of them out into some broader categories for easier perusal, however, some fics might touch more than one of these topics. I went with whichever category was the MOST relevant in regard to the fic's content. Fics in italics are under 10K words. Stuff involving religious guilt and heavy religious undertones are marked in orange. Some fics are privated by the author- in that case the link might not work for you if you’re on mobile, so just look it up by author and title once you’re logged into your AO3 account. Happy reading!

Random Fics I Enjoyed and Can't Sort Into Broad Categories

The Wedding Lt. by SomnolentPavana

Like Watching Paint Dry by Grangers_apprentice

Mission Briefs by BleedingTypewriter

Don't be Scared by the Starting Gun by Suliana

Afraid (of Changing) by EmpressCirque

HALO by Cryypticchaotic

Tough Love by The_neurodivergent_nerd

Smooth Sailing on Choppy Water by coderaven

Poison Apple by surveycorpsjean

Punch Drunk by Drolly

Tesco's Finest by Vanemis

If You Don't Stop, I'll End up Believing You by Hochseeperle

Assorted AUs

like the dust (that hides the glow) by ArcadeGhostAdventurer [soulmates]

In My Time of Need by WhisperedWords12 [omegaverse]

lotus flower by exavibus [tattoo artist x florist]

Damaged Goods by Red_Clegane [lawyer x prostitute]

Safety Hazard by Red_Clegane [president's son x secret service]

On Leave

No Reqiuem by ice_hot_13

set your teeth against my throat (give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes) by aetherealmoss

let these hills absolve me by flowersferns (THE SHEERP FARMING FIC SOBBING CRYING)

solemn prayer, poppy in my hair by congee4lunch

A Scottish Bastard's Smile by SnarlingGherkin

The Fairtytale of Manchester by MildLimerence

Injury and/or Discharge

all that's said in the low light by headlocket (my favorite fic of all time actually if you haven't seen my 9000 other posts saying so)

My frozen heart (would melt just for you) by Red_Clegane

Clue by Wispscribbles

I Woke Up Underground by WispScribbles

Vicissitude by crows_and_curses

Yours Sincerely by LeoDoesGames

i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm by marviless

Affirmative, Sir by Wixiany

To Drive a Man to Madness by Crypticchaotic

This Is (Mostly) P0rn

After Dark by Sylencia (THE BDSM CLUB FIC WOOF WOOF)

If I ever saw you try to be a saint (I'd be appalled) by Xalethar

Chicago Whiskey by Serpentwyne

Make Me Bad by Serpentwyne

gimme just a little bit (more) by applepieces [09!ghostsoap]

Promise Ring by LXVERSOFFENSE

Want It All by TuxedoHummingbird

A Fool's Gambit by MildLimerence

tame me by MikaelLo

the human condition by bilbhoebangins

All the Sins You Never Had the Courage to Commit by mothbeast

The Worthy Vessel by MildLimerence

Hotline by MildLimerence

Bonus Fic!

Here's a Gaz Centric, Poly141 fic that has ghostsoap in it but does not focus on it heavily enough to go in one of the other categories. This is Kyle's time to shine.

Hand Around My Heart by Grangers_apprentice