#that is fucking terrifying that’s not funny or a nice thing to say

[confused-wanderer]

It would be hilarious if villains loved Nightwing and were terrified of Officer Dick Grayson.

Dick Grayson- who is used to open spaces and adrenaline- being stuck in a boring bleak office, surviving on shots of coffee and red bull with caffeine that would make Tim concerned.

The thugs soon realised that unlike most of the other cops - Dick was from Gotham.

No one fucks with Gothamites.

Villain *shooting at Dick with machine guns*

Dick *appearing from the shadows behind him*: Boo.

Villain: THIS IS A FIVE STOREY BUILDING HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE

Or

Thief *throwing a counting down bomb at Dick*

Dick: *catching and tossing the bomb at a safe distance before turning round and shooting it so it explodes mid air while running after thief*

Thief: .. what the actual fuck

Dick: Gee look at all that time you had! Shame you threw it away :D

Thief:

Dick: I’m from Gotham

Thief *realising they fucked up* : Please don’t steal my bones

OR

Shooter: *sets elaborate booby traps throughout the houses in an active hostage situation*

Dick *using his training as robin and inhuman flexibility to surpass them with ease*: Ah been a while since I got to have a nice stretch thank you.

Shooter:

Dick:

Shooter:

Dick: .. Hi :)

Shooter: Are you Satan?

AND

In interrogation room

Murderer: I think I’ll take your eyes and add them to my collection

Dick *running on spite and caffeine that could give Superman a sugar rush* : Funny.. I was going to say the same thing to you

Murderer: .. what

Dick: I wouldn’t take your eyes though.. they look like the inspiration behind the whole Medusa’s “look at it and you turn to stone” thing-

Murderer: Hey! Take that back before I gut you

Dick *smile stretching wider without blinking* : oh? Or what? I know everything about you. Who says I can’t kill you and walk out with everyone being none the wiser? I know how to kill someone too..you aren’t special.

Murderer:

Murderer: I’m scared for my safety.

Because the thing is, Nightwing is who Dick really is. It’s who he can be free as, be himself as without red tapes and regulations. Where he can give as good as he gets, and he’s kind and empathetic. He gets to help the downtrodden and goes easy on most of them if they give up right away, not to mention the fact that he never causes permanent damage.

But officer Dick Grayson is a different story. He runs on sleepless nights and no self preservation. Seeing an officer with an uncanny skill set they’re scarily good at, not to mention the cheery attitude he always has scares the shit out of criminals. Cuz no way in hell is a smiling Gothamite not a deranged one. He chases crimes like a bloodhound, and isn’t afraid to make good on threats he makes to ensure they never hurt anyone again.

Bonus if the batfam doesn’t know about this.

Red hood: Shit I can’t believe we ended up in Bludhaven

Red Robin *tying up the corrupt politican* : Since this is a sensitive case, we need someone we can trust to make sure it is seen through.

Red hood: .. So we paying a visit to Officer Grayson?

Politician *screeching* : NO NO NO NO! PLEASE NOT HIM!! JUST KILL ME INSTEAD AND TAKE ALL MY MONEY I CANT DEAL WITH HIM!

Red hood: .. is he fucking serious?

Henchmen: Sir he is. And we agree. Please take our bones and kill us but don’t take us to Officer Grayson.

Red Robin: Wait what did he do?

Henchman 1: He asked boss if the hat was sentient.. and said that if it was would it make that hat the top and boss the bottom.

Henchman 2: Last time we met I tried to shoot him but suddenly my gun was blank and he raised his hand and let the ammo drop

Red Hood: Well even I could do that-

Henchman 2: They were my bullets. I had selected the colour personally.

Red robin *growing concerned*

Henchman 3: He sang a lullaby to a child when we were holding the station hostage, and replaced the people with my family members. He even sang their social security numbers!

Henchman 4: He’s the most dangerous of them all. I ain’t shitting ya when I say he’s as scary as the bat from Gotham.

*all nodding in agreement*

Red hood:

Red Robin:

Red hood: Nah that doesn’t sound like Dick

Red Robin: Agreed. Let’s go there Hood.

*villains’ sobbing intensifies*

[evilminji]

"DO BETTER!" Says Now Televised Fanboy

He, Dash Baxter is a Phan-Stan!! It's kinda his thing. See, he's a fancy ass talk show host now. Married Paulie, moved out of Amity, actually DID something with his life. His parents? Did not approve. Long n short of it? He got kicked out.

Paulie's parents were PISSED.

Retaliated by giving him all the help he needed getting EVERY scholarship he qualified for. He went to a really nice college. Missed his girlfriend like mad. But she was off in Metropolis, terrifying weaker men. Conquering the fashion scene.

And SOMEHOW? Thanks to that long talk he had with Phantom (*incoherent fanboy gibbering noises* SO COOL!) he's worked to be... more of a LEADER, you know? Less of an asshole. Cause he's popular. People copy him. He can't be an asshole.

So, somehow, when he's punching out some try-hard that thinks he's hot shit for bullying a Nerd? He and the nerd get talking, right? Cause the guy got his glasses completely fucked up. And it's what Phantom would do.

But GET THIS? Guy's never HEARD of Phantom! Is super curious, cause he runs a small time Hero's show on the web. And, Dude? Is it your LUCKY DAY! Cause you just met THE number 1 fan of Phantom, hands down!! He makes his VERY spirited case, about why Phantom is THE best Hero to ever have lived. And this guy?

Entranced.

In AWE.

Just straight up BEGS him to join his show. Cause apparently? He was BORN for it. Which? Yeah. He HAS been giving speechs to the team for YEARS now. And Talking at fan meet ups. Leading fan meet ups. Hosting parties... actually, now that he thinks about it? He DOES do a lot of public speaking? Huh.

But still, he's about to say "no", when?

Dude mentions? He'll get to talk about Phantom.

SOLD!

It. Blows. Up. Absolutely EVERYONE is in love with his pretty face, hot bod, and STRONG opinions. But they ALSO have no idea who Phantom is! Paulie! This is CRIMINAL! Horrifying! What is going ON!?

Some bullshit information black out, apparently. At least according to her... friendly Nemesis? The Goth Dweeb. Who's engaged, apparently? So good for her. Unsurprisingly, it's too the OTHER Dweebs, but still. Bout time she started planning to drag them to a court house. She's the only one with any spine in that group! If she waited for THEM to propose?

Not even as Ghosts, man.

They'd get distracted by shiny nerd shit and whimp out.

Still... a world where NO ONE knows how Awesome, Phantom is? Not on HIS watch!

So he works it in. To every segment. It becomes "his thing". Oh? Super man saved a kitten from a tree? Cute. Well PHANTOM saved a bus full of Ghost Puppies from a shady, rouge, Goverment agency. Do BETTER, Superman!

The Flash, who is a cheap knock-off and stole his name, took down an Ice Villian? Adorable! PHANTOM stopped a Rouge WINTER SPIRIT with the help of YETI WARRIORS then assisted in giving FREE medical care for anyone who needed it! Here's a picture of him making GHOST ICE SNOWMEN for small children! Do BETTER, Knock-off!

What's THAT you say? Wonder Woman fought a GOD in down town paris?

Excellent work Wonder Woman. Flawless as always. But YOU, god-boy, are a disappointment! All that power! And WHAT do you use it for? Are you even supposed to BE here?? PHANTOM uses his power to HELP people! Is awesome and knows TONS of better gods! You're just salty you didn't make the cut!

DO BETTER!

And obviously? No one believes him. There's no record of this "Phantom" guy. The pictures look fantastical and vaguely glitchy/glowy. Not quite right. They GOTTA be photo shopped. Manipulated somehow. But? As a shtick? A fake "perfect Superhero" is kinda funny and unique.

And it's one hell of Fake Hero!

A Dead Champion? Who fights gods and monsters? Rouge agencies? Sassy and tragic? With a mysterious past? Pretty cool! There's even an Offical Comic from some guy that went to the same high-school as Baxter!

Of course, as Baxter get more and more popular? The "meme" hero, Phantom, get more well known? People get more interested in where Dash grew up. You know, just a bored Google. Maybe see if the hero was based off a local legend or something. But... huh...

The Town website?

Weirdly? Sanitized.

Like... like aggressively sanitized. All smooth edges and no details. Very "move along, citizen". Ha ha... it's part of the joke right? They get it! They'll just look up local restaurants or som-....

Wait...

Hey, guuuuys?

Are you finding ANYTHING?

And! Nothing. And I do mean NOTHING! Triggers the "oh? Secrets???" Instincts of a Hacker, like finding a hard blank wall of "KEEP OUT". Especially when it's somewhere it rightfully shouldn't BE.

All it would take? Is ONE person, of decent skills and an account on Certain Forums, getting bored enough to Google the Dude On The TV(TM)? For the GIW's lil walls to come crashing down. Because yeah, you can stop ONE hacker. Even two. Probably five or six.

But how about thousands?

Hundreds of thousands?

From every time zone. Competing. Just to see what you HAVE and don't want them to see. Maybe they do something with it, maybe they don't. But fuck it, you're being RUDE and now they're CURIOUS. And THEN? Oh. Oh holy shit.

Not a meme.

Very real.

Not a joke.

The walls come crumbling down, down, down. Ripped apart by hundreds of hands. Emails sent to every sort of agency. The JLU line inundated with emergency tips. Not a joke. Not A Joke. Holy Shit, IT WASN'T A JOKE!

Phantom is REAL!

And there, on TV, stands the Man. The signal FINALLY breaching containment. Fighting off the invading God of the week. Built like statue, hair like an aurora borealis of white fire held almost delicately in place by a CROWN of ice, a suit made of void and starlight. Inhuman. Beyond human.

Here to help.

A laugh that crackles like ice and the snap of winter, rolls through the air like coming storms, rich and somehow warm. A smile that bares teeth, yet turns so KIND when he looks upon humanity, as though we are precious and worth fighting for. A living star.

A... a once living star.

And in the center of it all? Wearing his BESPOKE, custome made, Number 1 Phan full body outfit? That's right. Dash Baxter. Ha! You fuckers doubted him! Behold his blorbo and WEEP, ya fuckin casuals! The BESTEST of boys! The FINEST of Heros! Superman? Could NEVER.

And now? The weather!

@babbling-babull @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter @ailithnight @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation

[mrfoox]

I don't know how to get out of the whole 'I can't truly be myself around anyone because they'll judge me/leave ne/hate me' mindset which I've held since young and its becoming a problem

[hazelfoureyes]

⟢Alastor x Cupid FemReader Tasked with making a demon believe in true love or you can’t return to heaven, things immediately go off the rails when you hurt yourself and Alastor catches one of your most troubling arrows; Mania

˚₊ · »-♡→ Week 1 and Week 2 ˚₊ · »-♡→Week 3 and Week 4 smut💦 ˚₊ · »-♡→Week 5, Week 6, Week 7, and Epilogue smut💦

Alastor demands you tell him what you’d consider a nice date, which makes a surprisingly lovely time in the library. Dancing leads to… not dancing and a minor rearranging of your guts. And finally, you try to shame Alastor out of Mania and Alastor finds himself having to explain, well, Alastor.

「warnings/promises: Smut, guts➡️rearranged, kinda dub➡️con cuz Alastor still doesn’t listen, but funnily enough neither do you?, lots of interrupting each other, Luci’s hat, you’re down so fucking bad lmao」

🎶 minors DNI 🎵

Angel was live blogging everything you said when you recounted what happened to you after returning to the hotel.

“Wait there’s a character limit, I gotta make a new post.” He was wiping actual tears from his eyes, “Fuck this is funny.”

“Hmmph,” Alastor offered a small noise from his end of the sofa. Neither of you had mentioned or even referenced the sex. There was a strange feeling between you that it didn’t happen so it didn’t need a discussion. But also that it had absolutely happened, as Alastor’s hands found renewed vigor in their search for you when in public and private and your body seemed to respond in kind. You’d still occasionally move his hand off of you, but there was a pulse of electricity every time. When his hand would come to rest on your upper thigh while seated beside each other in the common areas, you let it linger. What harm was it? Heaven wasn’t fucking watching.

Everything aside, the sex had done nothing to dispel his interest. Perhaps you’d only made it worse, for both of you. 

By midweek you found the sling useless, happily tossing it aside and beginning gentle stretches. That was more progress than you'd made in your main task. 

Every morning you woke up beside Alastor, every day you had him in your orbit, every night you fell asleep feet from him.

Had Mania not taken him he would be a prime candidate for showing the virtue of true love. He was already fucking there, a captive audience. But that wasn’t how it worked. Cupid-induced manic love could never be true. Nothing you created was true, really. But atleast with Eros or Agape you could still have added the notion of  true love to the mix. His heart would still be receptive and open to the idea. The way he was now, you could proselytize until you were blue in the face and he’d still think manic love was true love. 

An unintended consequence of living with Alastor was discovering you both had quite a bit in common, as much as that information irked you. He enjoyed horror movies such as ‘Dracula’, you enjoyed horror movies as well, just newer ones. Ones in color. He could cook quite well, something you enjoyed to do. And his taste in music was actually lovely. You had assumed he listened to screams on a 7 hour loop.

Actually, upon closer inspection, Alastor was nothing like you had initially assumed. While he had shown you he was capable of terrifying feats of strength and power, he was also remarkably gentle. Every time you descended the stairs his hand was barely felt as it hovered at your elbow ready to save you. 

Early in the week you fell asleep watching the group play a board game, somehow redemption related, and awoke with his coat laid over your body. When you thanked him, he just smiled and continued enjoying watching Niffty hide the play money.

You were finding yourself more and more wishing the arrow had never fallen. If you’d just met him as you fell, perhaps you would be staring into that portal home. There were definitely worse options around. Even his imposing height had begun to…not bother you, perhaps was the best way to say it.

Or his large hands. There was a safety in the way they rested on your back. Speaking of…

Your throat ran dry when he leaned into you, one of those hands sliding across your thigh,  and asked against your ear, “Ready to go?”

He had to have seen you licking your lips to unstick your teeth. With a nod, he stood and offered a hand to you. 

You both were already out of the elevator and walking to your room when he slowed, coming to stop just in front of you. 

His room, fucking hell. 

“You know, I was thinking,” he wasn’t looking as he spoke to you, which was odd given how often he stared at you. “If you’re going to be here with me from now on-“

You opened your mouth to argue but he put his hand up, “I’d like to know the things you enjoy doing with your romantic interests.” His smile was almost pure, you could tell he was genuinely asking.

“Well I don’t have any so, why would you care?”

“No things you enjoy?”

“No romantic interests.”

His head lolled to the side, “Sometimes I think you say things just to bother me.”

You did.

“I do.”

You thought if you kept being rude maybe you could keep him at an arm’s length. Not get too attached. You’d been kind to people you didn’t like before and eventually you started to like them. This was that. But opposite.

He stared down at you, taking a step closer. You took one back. That smile shifted from pure to sinister, his eyes half lidded. You could almost see the thoughts playing on his face.

“Alastor-,” your back hit the elevator doors. The pounding of your heart when he brought his face to yours drowned out the sounds of the button being pressed. When the doors opened you fell backward with a yelp, but a strong arm caught you by the waist.

“You have twelve floors.” His hand hit the first floor button, “You can share with me your idea of a quality date. Or I can show everyone,” that clawed hand came to your neck, sliding down the evidence of your pounding heart, “how pretty you scream.”

As soon as the doors closed you were pressed against the elevator wall, right leg pulled up and around his waist. “You wouldn’t dare.” You had meant it to sound strong but instead it was half whispered with a shaky voice.

He popped a button off your blouse, “Maybe!” Warm mouth now on your neck, his tongue ran over your pulse, “I wonder if everyone is still in the lobby.”

Over his shoulder you watched the numbers counting down. The hand that cut off the button slid down to your bottoms, slipping under the waistband.

On the 3rd floor the elevator stopped. When the doors opened a demon you didn’t recognize was standing there, eyes wide and mouth open. He didn’t make a move to enter, Alastor looking over his shoulder and sharing what you could only assume was a death glare. The flickering lights were a giveaway to his anger.

His fingers dipped down and cupped your sex, hot palm pressing into your folds. 

The doors closed again and you watched the second floor light up. A finger bent and pressed into you.

A nibble at your ear, “You know I’ll win, regardless.”

He was right. Which was the smaller defeat? Humiliation or just telling the bastard your idea of a nice time?

“Books. Drinks.” You squeaked, the first floor lamp now aglow. His hand pulled away just as the doors opened. 

Expecting him to gloat you were surprised he just hit the 10th floor button. The library. 

He opened the door for you. The library’s main area had two reading chairs bookending a long antique sofa. You took the chair furthest from the door, hearing the door lock.

With a snap, the entire bar with Husk included seemed to fall three inches out of thin air.

“Oh for fucks sake.” Husk looked around, already annoyed, “You coulda just fucking asked for drinks to bring with you. You know cups are portable, right?”

It was nice, actually. Husk poured, you both read. There was an unnecessary fireplace crackling behind you. Cozy. And it got cozier and warmer the more you drank. Your shields softened as the glasses emptied. 

Your book was good, but as you felt the alcohol hit you were reminded of the last time you’d gotten a little past tipsy. Sneakily, but not at all, your eyes wandered over to Alastor.

His legs were crossed, but you could remember looking down and seeing them spread open beneath you. Open. Did many people see him like you had? Had his talk about a disinterest in sex actually been a trick to intrigue you? It hadn’t worked, you genuinely didn’t care what his preferences were. If anything it made you less likely to make a pass.

Your eyes wandered down his slender neck to his wide shoulders. Less than a week ago your arms were resting there. Further down, you remembered that soft bit of fur at the base of his cock, a small trail from his belly button. 

Husk watched your face turn pink, “You good?” Your head whipped around, looking confused. “You’re getting red.”

Oh. I was just thinking about my pussy drowning in Alastor’s cum.

No, obviously not!

Alastor’s eyes left his book and found yours. They were so red; his eyes, not your cheeks. No one in heaven had such wicked an appearance. When you didn’t reply, busy staring back at Alastor, Husk groaned, “Aah fuck.”

“What are you reading?” You asked, clearly able to see the book title from where you sat. 

Alastor held it up, “Oliver Twist.”

“Never read it.”

You had read it.

Setting your book down, you tried to walk as straight as a line as you could to him. You took the book from his hands and sat down on his lap, back against his chest, before picking it up again. “What page are we on?”

“You can leave, Husker.” Alastor didn’t even look at Husk when he said it, eyes still on your face.

When the door closed and Alastor could lock it with a snap, he uncrossed his legs. “Would you like to start over dear? From the beginning.”

Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

“Can we?” You leaned your head onto his shoulder. When had he become so comfortable…?

“We can.” The book was set aside, his left hand pulling your chin up, “I think we skipped a few chapters before.”

You opened your mouth, “I don’t like kissing.” 

“You will.” 

The front part of your brain dissolved, you were sure of it. Your decision making abilities were entirely eradicated as his lips pressed into yours. Fuck, maybe even your basic motor skills had been fried, his tongue swiping across your mouth before you just—opened. Your hips ground down into his lap, and you felt his smile widen against your lips.

“Stop smiling. I just like warm bodies.” You reached for the book and opened it to the first page, “and you’re so fucking warm.”

He began to read, but between the rumble of his chest, his voice in your ear, and the heat of his body, you fell asleep.

No matter. Alastor just hummed. With a summoning of his shadow you both sank into your shared bed, where he continued reading with you against his chest.

You dreamt about home. About red eyes and warmth.

Was it so bad, being in hell? Sure you had a fucking deer demon as guard dog but it seemed his mania was … not so terrible. Honestly he seemed relatively normal now. He would wander off for significant lengths of time, even leaving in the mornings while you were still lazing about. A kiss to your hand was the indicator he would be popping off somewhere.

Alastor still wouldn’t let Lucifer alone with you, but otherwise everything was okay. You’d even come to enjoy certain aspects of his possessiveness. That ever present hand, for example. Even when it wasn’t on you, you could still almost feel it. It had become second nature now.

The week was actually peaceful. Your pain was entirely gone, you could move about freely. Despite that Alastor still would press up behind you and offer to help dress you. An offer you declined, but every time he asked you paused longer and longer before saying no.

Alastor was happy to find you in the library toward the end of the week, you having wandered off when he was called away. He summoned a confused but pissed off Husk again, who was midway through making someone else’s drink. He set it aside, pouring Alastor his whiskey. You decided against drinking, you knew you always made poor decisions. Like sleeping. 

Delighted by the impressive collection you found a non-fiction and settled into the same large chair.

“Reading is a virtue.” He said to himself yet out-loud, taking a seat and setting the radio on from across the room. Etta James. ‘Somethings got a hold of me.’

“A little past your time, isn’t it?” You smiled, you liked songs about love. Not because of who you were, you just liked the idea of someone so enamored they have to make art.

He laughed, “Nosey little bird, have you been asking about me?”

Well shit. You had forgotten to play dumb. The past couple weeks you had casually inquired about Alastor from the other staff members. A modest collection of facts to help you better understand the man. A quick recovery. “Know your enemy!” 

He cackled, “Sun Tzu! What does Cupid need ‘The Art of War’ for?!”

What, did he expect you to only read romance novels and Roman mythos? “You can’t make a shadow without light. In fact,” you put the book down, “The Greeks thought Cupid was a child of War and Beauty.”

Okay well, Greek mythos is a little different than their Roman counterpart’s. So. There.

Alastor watched you leaning over the arm of the chair, no sign of pain as you did so. Your injury must have mended well. “Do you have parents?” He asked, genuinely wondering how your kind were created. 

“No, we're just… made. And then sent off on assignments.”

“You must be terribly busy, just one person for all of earth.” If Alastor could pull some limbs and find out more from anyone but you, he would, but unfortunately no one but Vaggie would know anything about you and he had a feeling her time in heaven was never spent thinking about love. 

“Oh, actually not so much! When I’m with humans I can travel around without worrying about the concept of time at all. But it takes a toll.” Or so you were told. There were never two Cupids at one time so you couldn’t really ask your predecessors. Alastor’s brows rose, unsure how exactly a Cupid could be taxed if they didn’t feel pain and couldn’t be hurt. “Every trip to Earth weakens us. Until our bodies just, I guess, give out.” A smile crept across your face, unsure what expression you were supposed to be making.

“Is it just Earth? Or,” he lowered the radio volume with just a glance, “Every time you leave heaven?” It would take a great effort to not notice the weight suddenly blanketing the library. Silence was heavy with what he was really asking you. Would remaining here kill you?

It was a great question. Wow he’s really good at this. It almost seemed like he gave a shit. No one had ever asked you about your creation, about your work. It was nice. Even from him. Maybe especially from him.

You had never been to hell, so you couldn’t be sure, but, “I think it’s a human-world time-thing. But I guess we’ll find out!” Another misplaced smile before you awkwardly leaned back and picked up the book.

While you hadn’t noticed the slip up you had made, Alastor had. “I suppose we will.” 

You would find out, because you wouldn’t be returning to heaven. He was glad you, even if unconsciously, understood that. And perhaps you could live forever if you never returned to earth.

When the song ended, you offered one of your own. 

Alastor was pleasantly surprised to hear you request Nat King Cole’s ‘It’s almost like being in love’.

Standing, he offered you his hand for a dance. “Ugh I hate this cheesy shit.” You said it but stood anyway, putting your hands in his.

Alastor laughed, swaying side to side, “Not a fan of romance? Has Cupid never been in love?”

Those were two seperate things. How could you explain? “Drug dealers number one rule. Never get high off your own supply. That would be—.”

Lonely. Pathetic.

“A bad idea.” His cheek rested on your head. It was a shockingly tender act. “Can you understand? Why would I want something I made. What’s special about that?” 

“And what of true love? It isn’t made by you, yes?” Asked into your hair.

“Yeah but when will I ever find the time to make a connection worthwhile. Winners and Angels are gluttons for choice, I am obviously built for a fun time not a long time.” Which you were…fine with. Yeah. I mean, what choice did you have? “And I don’t want to force it…so…” you trailed off. The rest didn’t matter.

He nodded, suppressing another laugh.  “I see. Well, allow me to give you something you inspired, how about that? Not made. Would you say no, my muse?”

Inspired? Like a song? “Ha, what have I inspired in you, heathen.”

Alastor stopped dancing, his hand pulling your face up for a kiss which took you by surprise.

“Seriousl-,” Husk mercifully disappeared in a flash of neon green.

You couldn’t remember exactly how it happened, much like many of the moments you surrendered to Alastor. It was so fast and he was so strong, his hands large and confident in how they moved you. Before you knew it you were bent over the sofa’s arm getting fucked so hard your leg was shaking and your stomach nauseous.

This was much better than songs or art or whatever you inspired in others. You were gasping with every breath, the action somehow heightening the sensations. The little huffs and groans your body was pulling from him had your heart racing.

His cock was smashing your womb into your guts, the entire organ suddenly feeling like a new pleasure spot. Every jolt to your cervix made a novel kind of bliss pool in your stomach. 

You cried, head empty as he completely left your heat before bottoming out again, “Stop, Alastor. Stop.” A strained moan, hands gripping the wooden sofa arm, “stop, stop, fuuuuck.”

He was pulling out too far and too fast, hitting back too hard and too deep. Your cunt felt swollen around him, your entrance so soft and wet he didn’t need precision to sink back in.

“Does it hurt?” He said quickly on the down beat of his thrust.

“Nngh no.”

“Theeen, no.”

Alastor pulled you up by your chin, back bending as he titled your mouth to his. Despite your mouth hanging open with your tongue out as salacious as you’d ever been,  you told him, “I really don’t kiss during sex.” 

The look in his downcast eyes sent a shiver along your spine, a power there you couldn’t push against, “You do now, my dear.”

When in hell, you supposed. You didn’t even try to argue, accepting his tongue wrapping around yours and exploring your mouth while his dick churned up your insides. Full from top to bottom. Full of Alastor. Safe. Wanted. Needed. 

You pulled away when there was an overwhelming bone-deep sensation spilling through your hips and down your thighs. The muscles felt weak there, and you had an urge to runaway from it but Alastor held you still. 

A scream of ecstasy as both legs shook violently, you finally got your hands free orgasm but to your shock it didn’t stop. As it appeared to wane, it just started mounting again. By the third roll, Alastor came with a push so deep your chest fell over the arm of the sofa. If not for the hands bruising your hips, you would have fallen off entirely.

The ache in your stomach began immediately, you’d have thought someone had been punching you in the gut. Well, more literally than they had been. When you groaned and complained to Alastor about what he had done, he pulled you up by your waist.

You were drawn into him, back to his chest again with your body between those long legs. His hands came to your stomach. Alastor massaged deep circles into your abdomen. 

“Does that help?” His high voice lowered, husky and kind into your ear. You nodded, the pressure relieved the discomfort. 

You wondered if he was used to taller demons than your shorter heavenly form, or perhaps he wasn’t used to anyone at all. Maybe sinners had more room than you did. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Believe it or not,” probably not, “I’m never trying to hurt you.”

Was it terrible you actually did believe him? Yes he was a serial killer, and considered one of the most cruel overlords in recent memory. But he was always gentle when his hands were on you. Flits of memories of him washing your feet came back to you. 

“I know perhaps,” his hands kept moving, your back already stuck to his with well earned sweat, “I have at times been easily incensed.”

You nodded quickly.

“But, It’s just,” you heard him swallow hard, “ah I absolutely hate this,” He whispered it to himself. “I’m just scared you’ll leave before I’ve managed to convince you how much happier I can make you here.”

It’s not that it was funny, necessarily, but the very idea hell could be happier than Heaven was laughable. It was Heaven. It was made to be happy.  It existed purely to please. 

The smile faded from your face. Well, for the winners. It was made to please the winners. It wasn’t made for you, but you still got much enjoyment. You had…sex. Great sex. Not held aloft in a radio tower great, but…You always came. Everyone did. Wasn’t that the point of it?

Wasn’t that the point?

What was the point?

 A warm and lonely bed is better than an empty one alone. So.

Well, your bed was always warm and never lonely in hell now that you’d been “moved”.

You had… Hobbies. You liked swimming. 

Okay well the hotel had a pool. And yes, if you weren’t running off to earth on command you’d have more energy for hobbies.

What were you thinking about this for again?

You gathered the scraps of your relevant thoughts, “Happiness isn’t being confined to a hotel, Alastor.”

“As soon as you show me you won’t leave me, I won’t care where you go. As long as you’re safe.” One of his hands left your stomach to stroke your cheek, “I’m just waiting for you to realize what I already know.”

If Alastor were to ease his grip on you, could you enjoy yourself? Well, more than you did. But it was more than that, you had to admit you hated the idea of losing, of just running away. “I don’t like giving up.” 

His laugh was quiet but it rocked you as his chest moved. “Darling they threw you to hell and told you you’re not allowed to leave unless you do homework. Giving up what? Being a servant to heaven?”

If he had said it a couple weeks prior, you would have left the room indignant. But now, settled against his hot skin and being so softly touched, it sounded like tough love.

“I don’t belong here though.” You were talking to yourself. So many excuses.

His arms wrapped around your chest to hug you into him, “You belong wherever I am.” His cheek pressed against yours, “I won’t let you go.”

A threat. A threat you leaned into and warmed yourself with. A threat a quiet part of you hoped he kept his word on.

You were getting too comfortable. Every morning you woke up to Alastor curled into your body, holding you tightly to him and you found yourself smiling before your consciousness clicked on. At some point in the last week he grabbed your chin and kissed you good night and suddenly every time he left your side you allowed a kiss to your cheek before he parted. What was worse was how you’d talk in bed about your recent reads and what happened the few hours you weren’t with each other. 

The thing that made you realize you were getting honestly too deep was when you went to go to bed early and actually took the elevator past your floor, walked all the way to his station and told him good night. You’d made it to his chair and were leaning down for your kiss when your face fell flat. 

He asked what was wrong but you shook your head. A poorly faked smile offered to him.

You sat in your bed. His bed. Your bed?

You sat in bed and wondered how to press forward. Two months, nearly, you’d been in hell. At this rate surely heaven had made a replacement. If you could make it back quickly you could still keep your place.

A decision was made, you’d never confronted Alastor head on. You had misunderstood his illusion of you. But maybe if you just forced it into his thick skull he’d been controlled and puppeted by an arrow, not his free will, he would abandon it to save his pride. 

Knees to your chest, why were you crying again? Did you want to go home?

No, you wanted to curl into his stupid fucking lap and listen to him hum his stupid old, forgotten songs. You wanted to dance while Husk groaned and rolled his eyes. You wanted to feel loved.

But you weren’t made to want things. And Alastor didn’t love you.

Okay, one more night to enjoy yourself before you pissed him off so much he kicked you out of his bed. Or took such a turn into obsession he never let you leave the room again, allowing you to shirk responsibility for not returning to heaven.

When you turned the handle there was resistance, the door pushing in. 

“Alastor? Done already?” He’d seemed busy earlier.

He closed the door and locked it. Oh. A blush. The sound of a locking door had come to mean certain things to you.

“You seemed bothered.” His thumb wiped where your tears had already dried, “What ever is the problem? Did someone upset you? Some neck I should wring?” You shook your head no. His other hand came to join in  holding your face, those goddamned red eyes melting you to nothing, “Some limbs I should snap?” He took a step toward you and you took two back, hands holding his wrists. Another no. “Or some cheeks I should kiss?”

Stop crying.

An eager nod. “Don’t cry, my love.” Soft lips catching your tears, thin fingers wiping them away. He kept walking forward and you kept walking back until your legs hit the bed. 

One more night, just in case. In case he forfeits the mania.

You kissed his neck, startling him. “Rare form. Did you need some more intimate attention, darling?” You tried to avoid initiating, never knowing what he wanted or when, never wanting to enjoy his touch too much. “I could indulge you.”

What you wanted was to be reduced so thoroughly to just a physical creature by way of pleasure that your mind disconnected from your brain. Fucked dumb, as people said. Alastor wouldn’t know what that meant but you were confident he’d enjoy sussing out the finer details of the meaning if it meant your full surrender.

You bit down on his neck, getting you pushed onto the bed in return. “I need overindulgence. I don’t wanna feel anything tonight but you.” You should practice your manners, for heaven's sake. “Please.”

There it was again. That look that turned your bones to jelly and your brain to cotton; that downcast half lidded stare as he towered over you that promised to devour you whole. His hand pulled at his bow tie and loosened his collar, knees on the bed as his legs spread you open at the thighs.

 “Good girl.”

No punishment or inspiration, just that mental numbness that turned off all your worries. We’re you making stupid faces? We’re your sounds embarrassing? Didn’t matter. You didn’t care. You clung to his body like you’d fall apart without his skin on yours. Because you would, in some fashion. 

Every gap between your bodies felt like room for doubt. So you filled them with flesh and sighs and moans. 

With his height difference you were smothered by him when in traditional heaven-approved missionary, but you liked lying on top. Your head only made it to his chest when your hips were positioned above his cock. You could go slack and let him move you on and off himself. You had been lying when you said you preferred to not move or make noise, but you’d learned he got harder and more feral when you let him manipulate your body any way he pleased. 

He smelled like sweat and leather, probably from the chairs in the lobby. No one sweats in heaven, this seemed like a mistake now. You’d have to be sure to not wash your clothes after you left hell, or else you’d forget his scent.

After finishing, he was surprised to find you still clinging to his torso, arms under his armpits and hooked onto his shoulders. He offered to pull out and let you lie down but you just held on tighter in response. He glanced around the room, soft light and softer music on the radio. Your quiver and bow rested against the armoire, practically dusty. He asked if you were alright, a hand coming to your back with large claws gently scratching.

“Yeah I will be.” you lifted your head, waiting.

Both of his eyebrows rose, unsure what you were waiting on.

Complete surrender. “Good night kiss.” You had to stretch to meet his lips before settling back into his chest, “okay bore me to sleep with your day, sinner.” He gladly did, you falling asleep yet again to the sound of his slow heartbeat and the rumble of his words.

You awoke nauseous, already knowing your day was going to fucking suck and it’d be your own fault. The idea of approaching Alastor and initiating the conversation felt impossible, your feet became stone when you thought of it.

The coward’s option. Wait for time alone and then pace the library until he came to find you.

After an hour or so he did, smile brightening as he entered. “Should I summon the bar?”

You shook your head no, struggling to speak. He sat in his chair, book still on the small side table.

Heart pounding, you considered doing this another day or week or maybe year but knew you’d already lost so much time. “Alastor, I need to talk to you about my task.”

He snapped the book shut, eyes not leaving his hands. “Oh?”

“I need to leave the hotel or at least need serious time alone with someone. I need to change someone’s heart on true love. I can’t go home—,” you were cut off, Alastor standing quickly.

“Home?”

“Alastor.” You stood your ground even as his spine stretched and antlers widened.

“Your home is wherever I am.” A pained smile now, something akin to hurt in his eyes that did damage to you too. “Ah. So last night— and people say I’m cruel.”

“I’m not supposed to be here!”

A snap, his anger and desperation eclipsing his pain, “Why don’t you ever listen-,”

Your turn to cut him off, “Because you’re under a spell! You act so fucking tough like you’re in control all the time. But you’re not! It’s just the effect of the arrow.”

He laughed, but you kept going, “Don’t act like you’re sooo strong you can fight the effects of my shot. You don’t fucking love me. Not really, not naturally. It was an accident. You’re just— it’s been made by me. I don’t want it. I want something real and true.”

“My feelings are true, just let me speak. I can make you understand if you’d just listen to me.” Pupils like pins, teeth somehow sharper.

“Alastor you can’t have true love. Nothing triggered by my arrows can ever be true.”

Another ring of laughter, “Tell me then how your true love is different than mine, Oh Wise Cupid.”

You huffed, “Don’t talk down to me, radio demon. True love means caring deeply for someone else that occupies your heart and mind-,” he opened his mouth, looking around the room for where you found the audacity but you snapped twice to get his attention back, “not just that! You put them first without fear because if they truly love you they would never take advantage of that. It’s trusting them with the most fragile parts of yourself. It's a best friend. Someone who makes you feel like a better version of you, makes you want to always be improving yourself.”

Alastor was still smug, staring at you from his unnervingly demonic height, “Lovely! Last question, expert, is true love ever one sided?”

You thought for a beat, “It can be.”

He hummed, body swiftly resuming his smaller but, again, still too tall scale, antlers remaining fierce as his sinister smile dropped to just a small upward turn of his lips. “I see. You’ve truly enlightened me. I believe you.” The sarcasm wasn’t lost on you.

You rolled your eyes and licked your lips to go off when a portal opened beside you.

Heaven was just beyond the shining circle.

You looked from Alastor to the circular doorway, taking small steps towards it. Your hand pressed through, confusion wiping your own smugness off your face.

Alastor began a mocking slow clap. “I’ve been convinced. Happy now? Task complete.”

“But- the love Mania causes…It clouds the mind, you can’t even process the idea of true love properly.” You searched the floor for some clarity.

His hands stopped, eyebrows meeting his bangs as a laugh that started typically but quickly morphed into maniacal filled the room. You just kept pushing your hand in and out of the portal. Alastor finally quieted, antlers fully drawn back into little prongs. He stared at you. A shiver as his smile reached his ears. That look again. You took a deep breath, ready to be eaten.

“Your little arrow didn’t pierce me, you glorious fool. It literally fell into my pocket. I was never under the effects of your magic. I said that many times.” He straightened out his suit jacket,  “Very plainly, might I add. You just never listened to me. So sure you knew better than I did.”

You sputtered, too many thoughts trying to express themselves, “Why did you act like that then?!”

“Because I wanted you. Something something first sight, as I recall the adage goes.” He crossed his arms and looked at his claws, “Perhaps my love happens to be manic by default. I am a murderous overlord, darling.”

All the energy left your body, shoulders relaxing. “Oh.” 

“So, here I am,” he opened his arms, “trusting you to not hurt me any further today. Does that fall into your narrow view of true love?”

A good question. You shifted your weight onto your other foot, looking back at heaven. You could see the shining gates.

He sighed and brought his arms down, “I can’t promise how long I’ll let you stand there and look at anything other than me.”

A warning.

A deep breath, another shift onto your other foot again as you shook the anxiety out of your hands before finally making eye contact with him, “Well, eldritch horror, prove it.”

You heard the door lock from across the room. 

You decided heaven could wait. It took about two days before they seemed to notice you hadn’t entered the portal, which closed on its own some time between Alastor pushing you onto the floor and you begging him for more. Luckily St. Peter wasn’t privy to your escapades.

It was a fact Sera was aware you had completed your task, because a knock came to the library door on that second day after you did so. Entering without waiting for a reply, which was brave, Lucifer and his hat popped into the room.

“Heeeey giiiirl. I got a message from heaven asking what’s the hold up, worried you were incapacitated.”

From your seat in Alastor’s lap you lowered your book, “How nice of them to suddenly care about my well-being.” You brought the book back up, “Little late.”

He nodded, “Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah I can understand that. Sooo,” his fingers tapped the door, “What should I reply with?”

Alastor turned the page and hummed a reply, “Finders Keepers.”

ᡣ𐭩ˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist

∰ Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult (general tag list):

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei , @wettiny-in-smutland , @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog , @coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic , @poinappel , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum ,

@ivebeenthearchersstuffn, @rubyninja1 , @simphornies , @alleystore , @readergirlstuff , @berry-demon , @chirimeimei , @fairyv-ice , @olive-frog , @thonethatflies620 , @tiredkiwiii , @ilikemyteawithmilk , @whateverlololo , @psipies , @howabouticallyou , @roxxie-wolf , @ive-no-idea-what-to-call-this , @fizzled-phoenix , @fjorjestertealeaf , @phobophobular , @surusurusuru , @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 , @whateverlololo , @simplyonehellofanotaku , @xixflower , @i-am-nonbinary-bean-deal-with-it , @roxxie-wolf , @a-case-of-attachment , @multifandomfanatic02 , @watereddownmilk , @raynerrold , @crazii-saber-wolf , @valkyrie-expeditions , @bontensbabygirl , @sillyb0nez , @oo0lady-mad0oo , @jazzmasternot , @pseudobun , @fraugwinska✨, @alitaar , @straows , @alastorssimp , @angelicwillows , @b-o-n-e-daddy , @one-and-only-tay , @asleeponelmstreet , @tremendoushearttaco , @mutifandomkid , @sapphirecaelis , @itzzzkiramylove  @saccharine-nectarine , @viannasthings , @looking1016 , @ultimate-duck-king-lucifer , @blakeaha , @astraechos , @reath-solia ,

🏹Alastor stalkers: @celestial-vomit , @amurtan

@faeoffaith , sailorsmouth , @jeannyjaykaydeh , @jyoongim , @cosmic-lavender , @saturn-alone , @lustylita , @radio-darling , @kaylopolis , @dickmastersworld , @leviskittywh0re

@asianfrustration13 @alittletiredcry @sirens-and-moonflowers @alastorssimp

@sugurubabe , @zzzykiek , @phamtasic

[lovingmattysposts]

Why are you staring at me?

summary: You've seen Chris at school and developed a small crush on him, that crush goes from stolen glances, to small talk, to texting all night, and now you're standing in front of his house about to hangout with him for the first time outside of school, and you're terrified.

warnings: PURE FLUFFFF!!! just kissing❤️

this story is so cute to me because I talk about the feelings of hanging out with a boy you like for the very first time and all of the emotions that come with that. Also the relief of when you realize that this boy isn't like the rest, he's kind and sweet and slow with you, It's just so AH pulls at the chris girls hearts because he is so sweet in this. I'll stop rambling, you'll love this one❤️

xoxo, Autumn

I anxiously texted Chris as I pulled into his driveway. I’m not going to lie, I was so fucking nervous. We went to the same school but I hadn’t noticed him before this year until he was in my class sitting behind him. Then I really noticed him.

Quietly sitting behind him all year hearing him laugh with his brother at stupid things the teacher said. All day long I waited until 4 period rolled around so I could see him. Simply looking at him letting butterflies fill my chest was enough for me to wake up in the morning.

I formed a small little crush on him. Seeing the way he focused on the papers in front of him before ultimately shaking his head and mumbling something to Matt about how stupid it was.

It wasn’t until one day he turned around and looked at me. I swore my whole body stopped working. A simple smile and then he turned back around. I focused on my paper the rest of class terrified to look up. My body tingling with nerves just from a simple look.

That’s when I knew the small crush turned into genuine feelings. The subtle glancing from him turned into him talking to me, to him walking me to class, to him sitting in my car before school, to texting all night long giggling at my phone as he said the stupidest things to make me laugh.

Safe to say I caught feelings fast. Then one small text sent me into oblivion and made my body light up in nerves.

From: Chris sturniolo

do you wanna come over tomorrow? Watch a movie or something?

I froze looking at the message. It was one thing to have a crush on the boy, to talk to him in the hallway, or steal glances, but to fully commit to hanging out outside of school. I was terrified.

to: Chris sturniolo

yeah sure

One text sent and now I was outside of his house, absolutely shaking with nerves. What if he doesn’t think I’m funny? What if I say something embarrassing? What if after this he thinks I’m boring or weird? What if this is the last time we hang out because I ruin it somehow?

He opened the door before smiling down at me. “Hey come in” He smiled opening the door wider for me to walk inside. I smiled before stepping into his house. I glanced around before I heard paws stomping over to me.

I smiled and my face lit up as I kneeled to the ground looking at the small puppy who was very excited to see me. “Oh my goodness” I gushed petting the small puppy as he started to lick everywhere he could reach on my body, making me chuckle.

“Alight trev, leave her alone” Chris said from above me slightly laughing. I smiled before standing back up looking at Chris, glad that his dog slightly shook some of my nerves.

“He’s so cute” I stated looking down at the puppy who was still trying to get my attention. Chris shook his head. “He’s cute until he starts peeing everywhere” Chris shook his head as he looked down at the dog. I smiled and shook my head as Chris looked up at me.

We walked over into the kitchen and I saw his mom standing over the stove. My heart started to beat. "Hey mom, this is y/n" Chris stated motioning to me, making my eyes go wide as I looked up at him. Meeting the mom on the first hangout? Oh god. She turned and looked over at me.

"Hello sweetie, It's nice to meet you" She smiled brightly. I smiled back, trying to swallow my nerves. "Nice to meet you too" I said nodding and then looking up at Chris, who was smiling down at me.

"She's in my chem class she sits behind me. She's basically the reason i'm passing" He said looking up at his mom, making me smile. She nodded smiling. "Well, thank you for helping Chris with Chemistry. I'm sure you guys are hanging out for school purposes am I right?" She smiled looking at Chris raising her eyebrows, indicating she knew that wasn't the reason and was just teasing him. Chris nodded smiling.

"Yeah, of course" Chris said looking down at me. I just shook my head and looked at the ground. "Keep the door open" She said pointing at Chris. Chris rolled his eyes. "Nick and Matt are up there" He said shaking his head. I just looked between them.

"Door open" She said raising her eyebrows, making me cover my smile with my hand. "Alright Ma" He shook his head before turning and walking away. "Nice to meet you" I said again smiling. She smiled nodding before turning around. I quickly turned following Chris.

“Come on everyone’s upstairs” Chris said walking towards the steps. I followed him furrowing my eyebrows. “Everyone?” I questioned looking at him as we walked up the steps. He looked over at me.

“Just my brothers, I tried to kick them out but they pulled the whole ‘I live here’s card” He smiled looking at me. I couldn’t help but every time I looked at him I felt my face flush red and I was smiling so hard my face hurt.

I rubbed my hands over my face trying to wipe the smile, angry at my own emotions because he probably thought I was weird for walking around with a dumbass smile on my face.

“I don’t mind” I responded as we successfully made it to the top of the steps before we walked into the room at the end of the hall. He pushed the door open revealing Matt and Nick sitting on his couch in front of his bed. They both looked up at me and then Chris.

"You guys know y/n right?" Chris said motioning to me. Nick and Matt looked at each other. "Know her? That's all i've been hearing the past week" Matt shook his head as his hands moved over his controller in his hand. I blushed and looked over at Chris, who glared at Matt.

"Dude fuck off" Chris mumbled as he walked over to his bed. He motioned for me to come sit next to him. I let out a breath before walking over and sitting next to him. Nick turned around on the couch looking over at me.

"You're the one who's friends with Sabrina and Sam right?" Nick asked looking at me. I nodded smiling. "Yeah they are my best friends" I answered looking at him. He nodded. "They are in my study hall, they're funny. We should all hangout sometime" He smiled, making my nerves ease slightly. I nodded.

"Yeah for sure, maybe we can go to that new thrift shop that opened downtown. Sam went down there with her boyfriend and they found some vintage jordans for like 20 bucks" I said making his eyes go wide.

"Wait really? Yes, I'd totally be down" Nick said his face lighting up. "Am I invited?" Chris asked leaning over to me. I raised my eyebrows. "Perhaps" I smiled. He nodded looking off to Nick, who rolled his eyes looking back to the screen in front of us. Matt turned over to me slightly.

"You said Sam had a boyfriend?" Matt asked looking from me to the screen. "Yeah, he doesn't go to our school. He's a year older" I explained. Matt shook his head looking back at the screen. I looked up at Chris and he smiled down at me.

"I think he's got a little crush on Sam" Chris leaned down and whispered to me, making goosebumps appear on my neck. I covered my mouth to muffle a giggle. Matt whipped his head around glaring at Chris.

"Stop talking about me over there or I'll say some things you've been saying around the house about Y/n" Matt said looking back at the screen. I looked up at Chris raising my eyebrows smiling. Chris's eyes went wide and he stood up of the bed.

"Alright that's enough, you two get out" He announced looking down at his brothers. They both looked up at him. "What no, I'm in the middle of a game" Matt protested as his fingers moved over the controller. Nick raised his eyebrows shaking his head looking back down at his phone.

"It's okay Chris" I said smiling. He looked over and me and then picked up the remote turning the TV off. Matt stood up glaring at him. "Chris what the hell?" He yelled at him. "Get out" He said shaking his head. Nick sighed before standing up off the couch and Matt threw the controller down before they walked out. Chris shook his head as he walked over to me.

Nick creaked open the door a little bit before looking over at Chris. "3 inch rule" He smiled motioning to the door. I smiled looking down and Chris shook his head as he turned off the lamp beside his bed. I just watched him as he picked up the remote turning the TV and sat back down next to me.

"You wanna watch a movie?" He asked looking up at me. I shrugged. "Yeah sure" I said as I leaned back against his headboard. He leaned over before picking up a Pepsi and opening it and drinking some as he scrolled through movies on his screen.

"How many of those do you drink a day?" I asked slightly laughing. He looked over at me smiling as he set it down. "Don't worry about it" He smiled as he pushed his legs under the covers. I shook my head looking away from him.

"I see you drinking one everyday in 4th period. I'm gonna start thinking your hearts going to go into cardiac arrest" I laughed as I pulled the blankets over me. He rolled his eyes putting down the remote and looking over at me.

"Maybe if you focused on anything other than me on in 4th period you wouldn't have to worry about me going into cardiac arrest" He smiled looking at me. I rolled my eyes, feeling my face heat up again.

"Maybe if you focused on anything other than me, you would pass the class" I said back pushing my face up to his. He looked down at me through my lashes.

"Is that right?" He asked his voice low. I swallowed suddenly feeling my heart pulse, way more than I wanted to. I nodded before looking down at his lap and grabbing the remote. Anything to ignore the nerves coming up my chest. He made me so fucking nervous and he barely said anything.

"I'm picking the movie" I smiled trying to ignore the redness in my face as I stared at the screen, scrolling through the movies. I wasn't even looking at the movie titles. Couldn't even tell you the last 10 movies I just passed, because I could feel his eyes on the side of my head as I tried to maintain a straight face looking at the movies.

It was scary, the first time hanging out with a guy. The fear of it being awkward, having nothing to talk about, afraid they would try to make a move on you, the anxiety of it all. I'm surprised I even agreed to this. But I really really liked him.

He sighed leaning back against the pillows putting his hands behind his head. Finally I could breathe. I finally landed on a movie and looked over at him. “Yeah pick that one” He nodded as I pressed play. I leaned back against the pillows letting out a breath as the movie played before us.

It was weird. I don't remember the last time I actually sat down to watch a movie, especially with a boy. In his room. On his bed. I actually don't think i've ever done this before. I hadn't been on many dates before, not that I would consider this a date. It's just two people hanging out that liked each other right? Well at least I liked him. I didn't know if he liked me or not.

Sadly for me, you could read all over my face my emotions. I'm not that great at hiding them. He could just say my name and my face would light up. I wish I could be that myserious girl who no one ever knew what she was thinking, but I couldn't, I wasn't. He was slightly. Throwing in a bro or dude, every now and then making me wonder if we were just friends. Just people who shared a class together.

I didn't know much about his dating history. I didn't know If i was the first girl or the 100th girl to be in this exact position with him. I didn't know what he was expecting to come out of this, I mean right now he was just sitting beside me not even touching me in any way. His hands and arms to himself, his leg not even brushing mine.

I wondered if he was just as nervous as I was, but just wasn't showing it. He carried himself in a way I didn't really understand, in a way where I didn't know what he was thinking. He kept to himself at school, only ever really spoke to Nick and Matt and I guess now me.

But still. When he spoke to me or looked down at me I felt like he had everything figured out, like he knew exactly what to do or say to make me smile or laugh.

"Don't you think movies like this are a little unrealistic?"

His voice broke me out of my thoughts. We were about 10 minutes into the movie and I hadn't payed attention to a second of it, my mind consuming me. I looked over at him as his blue eyes peered down at me.

"I don't know, It's a movie" I shrugged. He looked back at the screen smiling. "I mean I know, but sometimes It's hard to believe any of this could actually happen" He sighed moving his hands over to his chest from behind his head. I looked down at his hands. They didn't move to me.

"Yeah, no. I get what you're saying. Some of the cheesy parts I choose to overlook, it kind of ruins it for me" I smiled looking at him. He nodded as he looked back at the screen. My eyes trailed his jaw line. God, the way his face looked felt illegal to look at. I could barely breath texting him and now I was suppose to sit here and watch an entire movie with him? I wouldn't survive. I would break out in hives.

His eyes glanced over at me. "You watching me or the movie?" He chuckled slightly, making my face go red yet again. "Right, sorry" I mumbled looking back at the screen. He smiled and shook his head. Wow that was embarrassing. I felt my heart beating in my chest.

I don't know if he expected me to make the first move, or if he simply want to sit a foot away from me and just wanted to watch this movie. I bit my lip. Okay, y/n stop being a pussy. It's just a boy, It's just Chris.

I sat up slightly before letting out a breath and leaning my head on his shoulder, staring at the screen. I felt him slightly tense up from my touch and glance down at me, but I stayed staring at the screen. I couldn't tell you one thing that was happening on the TV in front of me. I was just focusing on not looking up at him.

He moved his shoulder, at first I thought to shake me off so I sat up off of him. He smiled as he lifted his arm up. "No, come back" He chuckled making my anxiety ease as I laid back against him letting out a breath as he positioned us more comfortably wrapping his arm around my waist.

I could hear his heart beating in his chest. He was nervous. I smiled to myself from laying against him and also from knowing I wasn't the only one who was nervous about this situation. I let my body relax against him as we both watched the TV in front of us, just feeling his breath rise and fall. It was actually quite relaxing.

Who would have thought, me three weeks ago just staring at a boy in class and now I was laying against his chest. This is not me whatsoever. I never let little crushes of mine get to this point. Which granted, first hangout, all I was doing was laying against him, but still. I couldn't remember the last time I was in this situation.

His hand was frozen against my hip, which I didn't notice until he chuckled slightly at the TV causing his hand to shift slightly. He wasn't pulling away from me, but he also wasn't pulling me closer to him. I looked up at him causing him to look down at me.

"I can feel your heart beating" I chuckled slightly looking at him. His eyes went wide and a pink tint came to his cheeks. "That's embarrassing" He breathed looking away from me. I grabbed his hand that wasn't around my waist. "No, no. It's cute I promise" I smiled lacing our fingers together. His hand was slightly shaky as well.

"Sorry" He said stretching out his hand in mine. "I don't really do this often" He admitted making me glance up at him. "What do you mean?" I whispered. He stared down at me. "I don't know, this" He motioning down to me.

I rolled my eyes and leaned against his shoulder looking at him. "Okay Chris" I breathed. He furrowed his eyebrows. "What? I'm serious. I think you're the second girl who's ever laid in my bed before" He said quietly looking at me. I just stared at him.

"Really?" I whispered. He nodded. "The first girl was when I was in middle school and we played Mario cart and she left" He chuckled beneath me. I took in a breath. Well that makes me feel better.

"I don't really do this that often either" I admitted, making him smile slightly. "Yeah so sorry if i'm acting weird" He said back looking at me. I shook my head and laid it back on his chest. "No, you're fine" I smiled looking back at the TV. He let out a breath and pulled me closer to him, making me smile.

By now we were halfway through the movie. I really hope he could still feel his arm since my entire weight was on it now that I thought about it. I glanced up at him.

"How is he going to make it back in time?" I asked looking up at him. He smiled and shrugged looking back at the screen. "I think he'll fuck it up again somehow like he's been doing the entire movie" I chuckled. He peered down at me.

"Or maybe he'll make the train and get to the airport right as her plane boards" He said making me shift back and look at him as he smiled at me. "You've already seen this haven't you?" I asked my mouth dropping sarcastically as I looked at him. He smiled down at me. I shook my head as I laid against his arm, turning away from the movie.

"Maybe once or twice" He whispered. I scoffed as I attempted to bite back a smile as I looked at him, the movie playing faintly in the background. "Then why did you suggest it hm?" I smiled as his eyes were trained on mine, a small smile present on his lips.

He let out a breath as he shifted, turning his body to look at me. "It's good movie" He responded softly. I just scanned his face. "Then why aren't you watching it?" I whispered looking at him. He licked his licked and closed his eyes.

"You're cute" He breathed looking down at me. My smile dropped as my face turned red, looking away from him. "And it makes me laugh when your face turns red" He smiled pressing his hand against my cheek. I looked back at him rolling my eyes.

"Yeah well it's not hard to do, I have trouble hiding my emotions" I whispered. He just looked at me. "I noticed that" He whispered back. I pursed my lips as I looked at him. "It's not fair, you always know what I'm thinking and I can never know what you're thinking" I stated looking at him.

He furrowed his eyebrows shifting slightly. "What do you wanna know?" He asked, the movie playing in front of us being long forgotten. I shrugged. "Anything" I whispered looking back at him. He licked his lips looking at me.

"My middle name's owen" He smiled, making me laugh and push his shoulder. "Chris, I'm serious" I whispered. He smiled. "I like when you say my name" He stated. I raised my eyebrows looking at him. "Yeah?" I whispered. He nodded, sheepishly smiling. I swallowed as we stared at each other.

"And I like you" He stated. I smiled up at him. "Yeah?" I asked so softly. He nodded. "Yeah" He whispered back. I smiled. "I like you too" I whispered back. He smiled. "I caught onto that" He chuckled closing his eyes. I shook my head looking away.

I glanced back at him leaning against his arm. We were so close, I could feel his breath on my face. My heart was beating out of my chest. We just laid there looking at each other for a few seconds. I felt in my chest the way he was looking at me. I swallowed unable to feel the pressure of his blue eyes so close to mine for so long without any words being said.

"Why are you staring at me?" I joked leaning up and pushing his nose with mine slightly. I barely got the sentence out before he closed the centimeter of space between us by pressing his lips to mine. My eyes went wide before they closed as his lips moved slowly against mine, his body slightly hovering over mine as we kissed.

Once I realized we were kissing, My body relaxed under his touch as I pressed my hands against his face. The feeling of his lips over mine was something I didn't even know I wanted until it was happening. It felt so good. I liked his so much and he was kissing me. He pressed his lips a little bit harder against mine for a second before pulling away, but only moved an inch away staring down at me.

"Sorry, I just really wanted to do that" He breathed. I blinked up at him as his hands came over my face, pushing his thumbs over my cheeks. "There's that red face again" He joked making me close my eyes, sighing smiling.

"You have nice lips" He whispered making me open my eyes again. "Yeah?" I whispered feeling my body slightly tingling from the position we were in. On his bed, under the covers, him hovering over me as I laid beneath him. Him looking at me the way I had imagined so many sleepless nights texting him.

"Yeah" He breathed before pressing his lips down against mine again. I smiled against his lips, just so happy that I was kissing this boy. He smiled against mine in return as our lips molded together, in a slow unrushed, loving kiss.

I'd kissed boys before, yes. But not like this. The other kisses i've had have been heated, fast pasted, shoving their tongue in my mouth, wanting something more--kiss.

Chris was kissing me like he genuinly wanted to feel my lips against him. Like he wanted to kiss me. He wasn't shoving his tongue in my mouth, he wasn't grabbing me like he wanted to tear my clothes off, he wasn't kissing me like he wanted something from me.

He just wanted to kiss me.

And that just made me smile against his lips more, because I'd never been treated like this before. I've never been kissed like this before. It made my heart beat against my ribcage, and made my head spin. I felt like a girl who finally kissed their crush, which I guess that's what it was.

The door pushed open making Chris disconnect his lips from mine and look over towards the door. I didn't even notice someone walking in, I just noticed his lips were no longer on mine and how I felt.

"Sorry, sorry. I just left my phone in here" I heard Matt's voice, but I just stared at the ceiling with a dumbass smile across my face.

“Dude” Chris mumbled turned away from me. I heard Matt grab something off the couch before quickly walking towards the door. Chris sighed as he looked back over at me.

"I'm so sorry about him" He shook his head. I just smiled and shook my head. "No it's okay" I chuckled. He smiled as he crawled back over to me and resting his head against my chest and wrapped his arm around me. I smiled as I looked down at him, seeing him becoming more comfortable around me before my eyes as he stared at the TV.

I swallowed as I looked up at the TV.

"I can hear your heart beating"

My eyes went wide as I breathed in, making him chuckle under me. "Oh god, that's so embarrassing" I said closing my eyes and put my hands against my face. He lifted his head looking up at me. "No it's not. It's nice to know i'm not the only one freaking out right now" He chuckled looking at me. I just looked down at him.

He shifted leaning back up to my face and placing his hand on my cheek. My eyes looked from him to the screen. "You're missing the best part, he's at the airport" I whispered as he looked down at me. He shook his head.

"I've already seen it" He breathed pressing his lips against mine once more.

-

I sighed as I unlocked my car and looked up at Chris as he slid his hands into his pockets. I looked down at my feet. "Thanks for coming over" He said. I nodded looking down at my car.

"Thanks for inviting me" I smiled and he nodded. Why was this uncomfortable? "I guess i'll see you in 4th period" I stated opening my car door. He just watched me, his mouth slightly parted, like he wanted to say something, but he just closed his mouth.

I bit my lip as I moved to get into my car.

"Wait" He stated closing my car door. I looked up at him. "I don't want you to think I just invited you over here just to make out and never talk to you again" He stated stepping towards me. I just looked up at him.

"That's not what I want you to think. I wasn't even planning on kissing you--" He said shaking his head. I raised my eyebrows. "Not--Not that I didn't want to, because god did I want to I just didn't want you to think--" He breathed but I leaned up and kissed his cheek, making him pause.

"I don't think that" I smiled shaking my head. He let out a breath smiling. "You don't?" He asked blinking down at me. I shook my head smiling. "I like you Chris" I stated smiling. He smiled.

"I like you too" He said looking down at me. "Yeah, I caught onto that" I said tilting my head. He smiled and looked down. "I just don't want to fuck this up" He breathed looking up at me.

"Chris" I smiled reaching over and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards me and making him smile. "I appreciate the way you kissed me" I breathed. He furrowed his eyebrows. I sighed looking off to the side, as I felt him interlace our fingers.

"Like" I said biting my lip before looking back over to him. "You kissed me like you wanted to kiss me, not like you were expecting me to do anything else" I said looking up at him as confusion crossing his face.

"Well yeah, Isn't that--" He paused as I looked down at my feet. He took a breath in. "Like I said y/n, I really like you." He said making me look up at him. He smiled down at me. "I'm just happy you wanted to kiss me back" He smiled shaking my head. I smiled before leaning up and pressing my lips back to him.

He smiled against me before wrapping his arms around my waist as I stood on my toes to reach his lips. God, I could sleep on his lips.

I heard a car unlock making us both pull apart and look to the side. Matt was walking out of the house and when he saw us, his eyes went wide.

"Fuck, sorry. I was just grabbing something out of the car" He paused looking at us. Chris released his arms from around me. "Matt, oh my god" Chris yelled at him, making me laugh and press my head against his chest. I shook my head laughing as I reached for my car door handle and pulled it.

"He's okay, I have to go" I said looking up at Chris. "Yeah I know, I'm just sorry about him!" Chris yelled the last part at Matt as he retreated back into the house making me laugh. "I'll see you in 4th period?" I smiled. He hummed.

"How about I'll see you in the morning, with coffee and we can see each other before 1st, 2nd, and 3rd?" He tilted his head smiling. I pursed my lips smiling. "Yeah, that'll work" I smiled at him. He leaned down pecking my lips.

"Good" He breathed before stepping back as I moved into my car. "Text me when you get home!" He yelled as he walked away and I nodded as I got into my car and shook my head smiling to myself.

Wow, I liked him so much.

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking @iloveneilperry @chalametbich @dsmja @bernardsleftbootycheek @lovingsturniolo @aoxash @idrkk-123 @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @babagurlrichey

[seattlesellie]

no bc why does ellie give off older brother’s sorta meanish friend who’s always teasing you ….

mean older brother’s friend ellie hc’s ☁️

cw: smut, mentions of alcohol

♡ mean!bbf ellie who’s introduction to you isn’t a nice or comfortable one. it's rather... bizarre. you had just finished showering, your hair still fully wet, tiny droplets of water flowing down your body. you leave the bathroom in a tiny towel, mindless as ever because this is your house, and as soon as you open the door, she just stands there. she was literally about to walk in, probably to pee or something, and she fucking startles you because who the hell is this absolute converse wearing, messy auburn haired stranger standing in front of your door?!

your parents may have told you something about your brother coming home from college for the holidays… perhaps with a certain girl this time, and you were just happy he finally got a girlfriend, or something. when you see her… yeah. thats definitely not his girlfriend. she’s so… i mean, you get it. she doesn’t look like someone who’d be into his type.

you huff out a small squeal when you’re startled by the absolute stranger, and she seems to be completely unbothered, although… her eyes wander down for a second before she catches your gaze. “who the fuck are you?” you gasp, and automatically hold the towel with a tighter grip to your body, since it almost fell off completely when you lifted your hands up out of pure panic. “ellie” she says with a smirk. she brings her hand forward to form a handshake, clearly aware that if you lifted your hand up, the towel will completely fall down. when you hold the fabric even tighter, she sighs, and places her hand back in her pocket. “are you my brother’s girlfriend?” you question, and she looks at you like you’re so fucking dumb. “do i look… like your brothers girlfriend?”

♡ mean!bbf ellie who decides that fucking with you is the funniest thing on earth, since ticking you off and making you go completely mad seems to be too easy, and one day when you have a simple dinner, just you, ellie and your brother— (since your parents maybe… went off to visit some relatives for the night) they have a conversation and she seems to completely ignore you, and he obviously does too. when they talk about something apparently “hilarious” that happened in college, a dumb thing a guy said during a lecture— as you play with your fork, squishing the food down on the plate, you decide to butt in on the conversation.

“something exactly like that happened in one of my cla—“ you quip, and ellie fully side eyes you and huffs under her breath. when she sees you stutter on your words since that look was so mean, she mocks you completely.

“my class— i mean, one t—ti”

“t—t t- what… you can’t talk?” she smirks, and tilts her head to the side. then, ellie immediately looks over to your brother and sighs. “didn’t know your sister had a stuttering problem”.

he giggles like an idiot and they immediately move on to a different topic, leaving you completely embarrassed, hot in the face and incredibly famished. you can't even eat— what if she says you chew funny.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who plays the stupidest, meanest pranks on you. they vary from hiding on the other side of the door and jumping on you with a terrifying scream, to replacing the sugar with salt in your tea like a literal 12 year old. ellie cant help but grow obsessed with how loud you yell and how your eyes pop out of your head, stomping your feet on the floor whenever you’re pissed at her. something about the way you snicker and tell her that you wish she returned to her stupid college already, the way you add an “ellieuhhhh” to the end of every sentence really just satisfies her deeply, for some reason she doesn’t… fully get yet.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who plays soccer with your brother in the yard, all sweaty with her bangs sticking to her forehead, dressed in basketball shorts and a stupidly tight tank top that make her stupidly tight abs pop out because she’s so stupidly damp with sweat, and you’re staring out of the window of your room like a creep. you’d usually rather not join because she has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to be around you unless you’re squirming or growing absolutely embarrassed. unfortunately, you’re so freaking bored and the weather outside truly is so nice— barely cloudy, the grass shining green and— fuck it. you pace downstairs, and stand stupidly still in the yard for a moment, before you gain the courage to ask if you can join. ellie obviously doesn’t want you on her team (she’d much rather humiliate you by taking the ball out of your feet at any given chance) so your brother has to take you in. you skip around the living room to put on some sneakers and when you join— it’s on. clearly, it’s not a proper game of soccer with only three players, but it’s their own version of it, and their own version is incredibly aggressive. all they do is yell at each other and elbow one another in order to keep away from the ball, and once you magically have it intertwined between your legs (your brother had finally passed it to you after literally begging for ten whole minutes) ellie makes sure to run as fast as she can, kick it violently out of your legs (that is definitely a foul, red card for ellie) and swiftly nudge you so that you fall on the grass with your nose bumping into it’s softness. she moves to stand right above you, towering over your body completely, and she's laughing her lungs out. she moves to the side to cover the sun from glowing directly in your eyes, just to force you to look into her and see how happy she is to humiliate you again. you’re absolutely pissed now, so you push your legs forward and kick her right back— she falls over you, her chest right on top of yours.

she’s heaving and panting, and you swear you could almost taste the sweat slowly leaking on her forehead. the world literally stops.

“you’re so fucking dumb” she snickers, and lifts herself off of you.

you go into your room to punch a pillow. shes so fucking annoying.

she goes into her room to do something… different. you’re so fucking annoying.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who always rolls her eyes when she sees you come closer, and constantly gives your brother those certain looks, that she clearly makes to piss you off and watch that little pout form on your lips. one morning, you walk over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and ellie’s in her pajamas (for some reason, you really can’t stop looking at her arms, since she’s only wearing a wife beater and some low hanging sweats). when you greet her with a chipper good morning, she mumbles a lazy “morning” back, and when you lift yourself up on your toes to grab your favorite mug, she sees your shorts ride up a bit and her breath completely cages in her throat. she considers coming over and helping you, but hearing your sweet, breathy little huffs is so much nicer.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who finds you extremely attractive, and wishes you stopped walking around the house in tiny outfits (she wouldn’t be too far off if she called them literal napkins) because you’re making it very hard to concentrate when she works on a project with your brother in the living room and you just happen to walk by, carrying a tray of freshly squeezed lemonade and offer it to them. and she hates how fucking kind you remain even though shes so mean, so she gets even meaner and tells you that the lemonade tastes bad. she spits it out inside the glass, and the way you squint your eyebrows and ask her if she wants you to make her a new one literally tugs at her heartstrings. she tells you; “s’fine, you shouldn’t be near a kitchen, like— ever again. tastes awful” and when you take the glass out of her hand and walk off without even commenting anything back, she huffs a silent “shit” under her breath and closes her eyes for a second.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who one day has a super… weird dream about you. you lounged inside a lively kitchen— but it wasn’t the one she grew familiar with. it was mostly filled with mahogany furniture, an aqua green stove and a peach colored carpet. you were baking something, and it smelled like maple and cherry and vanilla and peach cobbler, it smelled messy and like an explosion of sweetness but god, she felt the hunger in her sleep. you stood there in a little apron, and just when you shut the stove’s lid up, she hugged you from behind. she smelled your neck, and wrapped her arms around you. “smells nice, babe” she whispered. you turned around and smiled at her so big, and just as you closed your eyes and parted your lips— she woke up.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who can’t. stop. thinking. about that freaking dream. she wakes up and she feels parched, and so fucking confused. she bumps her palm against her forehead and decides she needs a tall, refreshing glass of water before she tries to slumber again, because god knows she wont be able to. she goes downstairs to the kitchen, and gets so startled when she sees your shadow standing over the stove, its just like that dream but you're not baking, there's just a bowl of cereal in your hands and random music silently coming out of your phone. when she jumps— you jump too. and you drop the whole entire bowl and the milk is now running all over your top.

“jesus fucking christ!” you gasp, and when you see that it’s ellie, her face all puffy from sleep, your heart thuds in your chest. you’ve never been… completely alone with her, not ever since you met her outside of the shower for the first time, anyways.

“why are you standing like a creep in the kitchen in the middle of the night?!” she questions.

“i was… eating”

“at 3am?”

“yes and now i guess i wont be eating anymore since you made me— drop! the entire bowl!”

for some reason, she tells you that she’s sorry. maybe it’s that fucking dream—

she hastily grabs some paper towels and helps you wipe. she’s awkwardly rubbing all over the material and shes being extremely stupid because clearly you can just change your top, this is your house after all, and your closet is right there, but she doesn’t seem to be able to stop wiping and whispering that she’s sorry and she’s tugging at your top and it… makes her flustered so she fucking stops, and throws the paper towel on the counter.

“clean yourself up— you’re the weirdo awake at 3am”

(she was right where you stood yesterday, eating some cheese puffs on the floor while watching a gaming stream but she obviously wont mention that)

♡ mean!bbf ellie who instead of surrendering to her feelings that are obviously starting to creep up, decides to grow even meaner. it’s not just random comments and stupid pranks anymore, it’s quite literally pure evilness. when she watches a film with your brother, a bowl of popcorn in her hands and some fuzzy socks, cuddled up inside a thin blanket on the couch, you decide to make an appearance. you, bored out of your mind, decided to to join in on the fun. usually, ellie had no problem if you just lounged in the living room while they watched television or played video games, because you would quite literally be completely mute and not bother them at all, untill ellie made a joke (“that dude’s head looks like the titanic’s fucking iceberg”) that you couldn’t help but laugh at. when you laughed, so hard you practically wheezed, it kind of made her feel soft and icky and she wanted to slap it out of her. today, when she saw you slide into the living room from the corner of her eye, she deadpanned completely.

“no— no, we’re not watching this with you” she snickered, and her tone was so serious and it didn’t even carry a glimmer of teasing, it was purely just mean.

you scrunch your eyebrows, and huff a quiet “what? why?”

“because you’re fucking annoying and we don’t want you around”

you went pure silent, just staring at the floor.

“why are you still standing there? go” she waved her hand, as if she was kicking out a small, pesky little animal.

you really weren’t a crybaby, but you truly didn’t deserve this. for some reason, a lump formed down your throat, and your eyes glistened. you climbed up to your room and silently sniffled.

even your brother thought she was being too mean now.

“that was kinda… fucked up”

ellie brushed her tongue on the side of her mouth, and clenched her jaw. she knows.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who notices you appear less and less around the house. mean bbf ellie, who really isn’t a bad person, she isn’t even that fucking mean, she just can’t handle her feelings and masks them completely untill you absolutely hate her guts. after that night— the night where she kicked you off to your room, you don’t chipper a good morning. you enter the kitchen, groggy and quiet, make a drink and disappear to your room with the cup in your hand. you don’t make lemonade anymore, and you don’t even laugh when she makes a stupid joke. mean ellie who misses your laugh, and tries so hard to hear it again, but fails miserably.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who loses it completely when you decide to go out to a party one night. you’re so quiet it feels almost as if you’re sneaking out, but you truly aren’t. you’re just scared she’ll make a mean comment on your dress or tell you that you look stupid with your makeup done like that.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who stares you down completely, and shamelessly checks you out when you twist the doorknob in order to leave the house.

“wh… where are you going?” she questions, and it’s so hard to keep it cool when you look so good and your thighs are on full display with your ass almost popping out of your dress. it makes her gulp because she fucking knows it’s not for her. you’re gonna go out and you’ll have people gawking over you and it drives her crazy.

“party” you simply mutter.

“dressed like that?” she clearly runs her eyes all over your body.

she's going to say something mean again. you just know it.

“really don’t have the time or the energy for your comments right now, ellie”

she wishes you added that cute uuuh, at the end of her name. you don’t.

“you look… stay safe—“

“i look what, ellie?”

“nice. y’look nice”

you shut the door. she just complimented you. that was a first.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who waits for you to come back from the party because she’s worried. she doesn’t admit it to herself, and excuses it by thinking she just can’t fall asleep because the winds too loud or the room’s too hot, so she just lays awake, waiting to hear your footsteps and your room’s door close shut— but you don’t. seem. to come. home. she feels sick because what if something happened to you— and then she feels completely stupid because you’re an adult and you’ve probably been to numerous parties already, but she can’t help but feel it in her guts. what if something happened to you? what if you drank too much and god forbid— what if you went home with somebody? she falls into the mattress with a thud and stares at the ceiling for half an hour, just picturing you making out with someone and them grabbing your waist or your ass and now she feels like she’s about to punch the damn wall— and then she hears you. you’re humming a song, specifically— cash shit by megan thee stallion, and you sound obviously drunk. she can’t let you go to sleep like that.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who propels the door open, to see you sliding down the wall, smelling like alcohol and sweet perfume and she feels sickly but she needs to take care of you, so she grabs you by the waist, guide you through the corridor, opens the door to your room and puts you down on your bed. she coo’s at you to stay quiet and calm for her.

“yeaupp m’in my baggg but im in his too…” you blabber, and burst out laughing.

“okay— okay, you good? you got contacts you need to remove? if you’re gonna throw up, i’ll get a bucket” she whispers, as she watches you swing back and forth. you look so pretty it’s incredible hard for her to be calm.

“some new sh—shoes… blah… mwahhhhh” you pull out your tongue and pucker your lips. you look incredibly silly and she swallows a giggle.

“you’re wasted, aren’t you?” now she's just caressing your face. why does she feel like she's going to faint?

“k— not t’wasted… you’re wasted… you’re wasted and pp—pretty” you mumble.

“huh?” thank god you’re drunk, because shes full on blushing.

“pretty pretty els…. s’pretty and so evil and m—mean and pretty…. like a millions pretty but—b’millions evil… so e—evil”

she decides to just shut the fuck up. keep going.

“i k—kissed somebody”

and now she’s the one who feels like she’s gonna puke.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who decides to completely give you the silent treatment. you didn’t even do anything, but god it feels like she hates you now.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who confronts you about that stupid kiss and asks you who the fuck dared to kiss a drunk girl, and you look so panicked and afraid, and it hurts when she tells you she’s gonna let your brother know and that he’s gonna kick their ass and you’re gonna be done for.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who fully breaks one day. it’s the last week of her and your brothers visit, and you haven’t talked to her for three whole days. she feels it inside of her chest, and every time you come near, it becomes harder and harder not to push you against the counter and kiss the hell out of your lips. it’s hard to stop staring and it’s hard to keep her distance so she confronts you.

“you know you told me i’m pretty, right? before you threw up on the fucking bed?”

your eyes pop out of your head. you feel absolutely embarrassed. no you didn’t.

“i did not— what? what the hell is the matter with you?” you huff, and back away.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who comes closer and closer the more you back away, because it’s becoming incredibly difficult to keep that distance apart, so she makes sure you can feel her breath on your lips and makes sure it makes you shiver— before she mutters a loud “fuck it” and takes your lips between her’s.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who kisses you so hard, it truly feels like you've never been kissed before. nothing could ever compare. when she takes your lips between her's, and sucks on the bottom one, just to hear a sweet little breath leave your mouth, she grunts. it feels like everything she's ever felt was flowing out of her body and crashing onto yours. when she squeezes your waist, and pulls you in closer so her chest bumps into yours— she breaks the kiss to look at you. my god, you're panting, and flushed, and she can feel you shaking.

"i'm sorry" she mutters, and she truly isn't, but if you keep on shaking like that, she's gonna have to start running away.

"please— don't stop"

honestly, she wasn't planning on stopping.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who picks you up, and as your legs automatically intertwine with each other on her lower back, takes you to your room and bangs you up on the door.

“what— what are you doing?” you ask, and it’s completely interrupted when her lips land on yours again. she can’t do this anymore, she can’t keep playing with you because if you kiss another person again who isn’t her she swears she’s gonna run out and beat them up, or even worse— kill them completely, and she can’t help but moan against your lips because you’re so fucking cute when you let out those noises and she needs to touch you right now or she’ll die.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who need's to hear you add that little "uuuh" at the end of her name after you kiss her because she'd imagined it too many times.

"say my name like— fuck"

"say it like you fucking do when you're pissed at me— say it"

somehow, you immediately know what she means.

"ellieuuuh!"

she's never swallowed so hard in her life. she looks at you like she's famished, and she growls. when ellie kisses you again, it feels like you're going to crash down and die.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who eats you out like shes starved in your childhood bedroom. swirls her tongue and spits on your cunt and tells you to “keep fucking quiet” or else your brother will hear, and he’s right in the next room and she told him she just went to get something to eat, so she shoves your little panties right in your mouth and holds your stomach down on the bed with her two hands, parts your pussy lips so far apart they practically burn and she goes on and on till you cum on her face twice. “atta fucking girl just like that… just like that”

♡ mean!bbf ellie who plays with your clit in little circles, sits with your back pressed against her chest, and growls every time she sees feels hole clench around her. she tells you to be a good little whore for her and take her fingers before she gives you her strap, and you don’t even know why she has it with her because— is she fucking other girls?

♡ mean!bbf ellie who isn't fucking other girls— she just brought it because she... well, maybe she looked at your brother's facebook before coming over and she happened to stumble across a very, very pretty girl

♡ mean!bbf ellie who slaps your pussy hard every time you yell out her name— “you better keep fucking quiet or m’not letting you cum” and then shoves your panties even deeper inside of your mouth till you’re almost gagging, and only takes them out by replacing them with her cunt, and makes you eat her out completely controlled by the sway of her hips as she grinds herself down and god— she fucking needs it because getting off to you from knowing you were right next to her room truly wasn’t enough so she makes sure you make her feel good, and pats your cheeks every time your tongue swirls around her clit just right.

♡ mean!bbf ellie who straps you down on the bed, whispers short circuited “take it. take it. take it” every time it hits that one spot inside of your cunt, and makes you whisper in her ear to fuck you harder and faster because hearing your sweet little voice saying these obscenities is making her clit pump and brush on the bottom of her harness just right. “you gonna be my good fucking girl— make me fucking cum inside you? hmmph?”

she can’t help but… ask you,

“you want your brother to know how much of a fucking slut you are? letting his best f—fucking friend fuck you like this?” and all you can do is whine and hiccup broken sobs of “n—no ellie dont want him to know!”

“think you fucking do— if you keep on fucking screaming like this”

♡ mean!bbf ellie who… makes you cockwarm her strap while watching tv. this time, she doesn’t kick you out. with your brother’s eyes glued to the screen, watching E.T, it’s very easy to miss out on the bulge that’s hiding inside of ellie’s sweats. she signals you to come sit on her lap, and you just nod and whisper “no”, because what if he see’s— but she grabs your waist, slides you to sit right on her lap, pulls your pants and your panties down, and god— you’re already soaking just from being around her. she makes you roll your hips down her strap, separating your pussy lips apart and rub yourself all over it, guiding your motions with her hands. she can barely keep quiet herself because the way you whimper so softly and slap a hand on your mouth makes her lose it. she knows you wont be able to keep quiet if she bounced you up and down.

“stop being so loud” your brother snickers, and he almost… almost turns his head to the side. if he looked— he’d see his little sister sitting right on his best friend’s lap. that same best friend who kicked you out, same best friend who teased and mocked— what if he sees?

“shh… shh— just sit on it” she whispers in your ear and you shiver. you obey, and move your hips up. its almost too big, you have to swallow a screech when it slides inside of your hole. you want to bounce on it so bad, but your brothers still fucking awake. she almost snickers at how easily it went up inside, your slick completely swallowing it whole, but she stops herself. her could wake up at any given moment.

“keep on sitting on it” she grabs your thighs and digs her nails into them. “don’t move” and whenever you do—, eagerly attempting to disobey her, she pulls you down and grinds you deep on it, making sure you're caged inside. when she hears the quiet shores of your older brother sound asleep in the background, she starts fucking it into you deep. she thrusts her hips forward, and you don’t even have to move a muscle, you really did earn it after all.

"such a good fucking girl— have to make it up to you"

♡ mean!bbf ellie who sneaks little spanks, and grabs your tits whenever no ones looking, creeping up on you from behind and smelling your neck— just like she did in her dream. she kisses and kisses and almost doesn’t care if she gets caught— she has only three days left.

will you go away with her, or are you going to have to wait till next year’s visit? <3

[meanbossart]

do you have any thoughts on cazador as a character? personally i really loved the parallels between him and astarion & the way that the master/spawn relationship is used as an allegory for cyclical abuse. the scene with cazador’s master’s skull where you find out that he was once victimized in the exact same way that he later victimized astarion was really a lightbulb moment for me re: what vampirism represents in this game.

BOY DO I, i don't think much of it hasn't already been said, though. He's a tragic character in his own right of course, not that that takes away from the awful man he is.

Me and my boyfriend make fun of him a lot, we call him "the best BG3 character" as a little inside joke between us and come up with ridiculous scenarios of things that might have occurred throughout those 200 miserable years the spawn had under his command lol. Maybe he had a month where he was really specific about the shoes everyone wore, maybe once every other decade he had a weird week where he tried to be "nice" only to become frustrated when his efforts weren't immediately met in kind by the rightfully-terrified spawn, maybe between all the torture and horrific-ness he just did some plain weird shit like making someone crouch by in his fainting couch and wait by open-handed for grapes that he dramatically chewed on and then spat right out since he can't actually eat them lmao

And that's hysterical but I think we also started doing that because when you meet Cazador, when you first hear his voice and see his demeanor in person your immediate reaction is probably somewhere along the lines of "THIS is the clown you were so scared of, Astarion?"

And the answer is, of course, yes. This embarrassing little man stuck in a cage of his making instills fear beyond comprehension in Astarion and all his siblings. This man who undoubtedly showed all these spawn, inadvertently, the strangest, most arguably "human" aspects of himself at some point or another during these two centuries they had together is also an absolute monster. And i really like that! I think its far more effective and fitting for his story than if he was, lets say, a Ketheric type.

(this got very long so, more under the cut)

Look at Ascended Astarion in the epilogue now, for example. Everyone agrees that he's an absolute fucking dork - and I think we all also agree that he will go on to destroy the lives of many people beyond repair, especially his own, until the day he is killed.

In the topic of vampirism as an allegory for abuse, I both agree and also don't, at least not exactly - i just think it's deeper than that. I've spoken about this in another post but i find it incredibly refreshing how, to me, it seems like Baldur's Gate 3 has no interest in painting vampirism as sexy or fun past a surface level. It's a curse that nobody asks for unless put in a situation where they feel as if they have no other way out, and it shapes and haunts you for the rest of your undead existence.

Even if you enjoy its benefits at first, that has a time limit. You will see your family and loved ones die, you will see culture evolve while you stay perpetually the same. You will experience so much hurt and pain because the only thing that makes life truly sweet is knowing that it is finite, and eventually it will wear down all of your humanity. And since you can't die unless you are scorched by the sun, staked, or dismembered, you must live with the knowledge that you will never have a peaceful death - and since you won't have a peaceful death, you better not die - and if you don't want to die, you better not be weak - and if you don't want to be weak, you must seek out power at all cost and slash things like love and friendship out of your life.

And what is funny, is that in his attempt to be more like a mortal - to eat, drink, walk the sun, such incredibly simple desires - Cazador (and Astarion, if he ascends) is accidentally only drawing further away from the person he supposedly once was, because that fear of weakness has already utterly corrupted his soul.

That's quite a grim way to look at it, of course. But I genuinely think that it is the natural conclusion of something like immortality.

That's why I quite like that, even after Astarion has found happiness, even after he finds his peace, he still doesn't exactly embrace being a vampire - because It's not something he should be expected to embrace. I think it's a very unique take on the trope.

I also want to leave here this message written by his character writer, which really got me thinking about him on a deeper level since i saw it months ago. It is specifically about the sexual aspect, but I think it branches beyond it too, when you think about it.

[citrineghost]

I absolutely cannot get over - of all the things wrong with this season of OFMD - the abuse apologism.

Listen, hear me out, I understand that they're violent pirates. I understand they brutally murder and kill people and steal their shit and ruin lives. I get it.

The problem is, you cannot make a comedy about pirates and put a focus on the therapizing and emotional openness of the crew, making the fact that Stede showing up has them healing and talking and being emotionally more healthy as a major selling point of the show only to use that therapy-speak as a way of justifying abuse apologism.

They all hurt people, yes. The thing is, they're not supposed to hurt each other. They're supposed to be a family. The violence and abuse is supposed to be outside of the family network. They're supposed to be at home around each other, even if everyone there isn't great all the time and can sometimes be a bit toxic or unhealthy. Overall, in season 1, the message was, "We can get through this together." "Talk it through, as a crew."

Instead, season 2 dives directly into Ed committing atrocities against his own crew, giving most of them some combination of PTSD (which is clearly worse than any they've experienced before, because their personalities and ability to interact with people is completely altered), dissociation, hypervigilance, etc. Then, when they finally beat his ass and try to kill him because of the abuse, Stede fucking Bonnet shows up and is like, actually! I think you all should give him another chance!

The following episode(s) are so fucking hard to watch.

You've got people jumpy around him, terrified he's going to hurt them, all the while Stede encouraging them to just get over it and forgive him. He pushes for Ed to try to "turn poison into positivity." Basically encouraging the notion that if your abuser apologizes and then acts nice, everything should be fine and peachy.

The fact that this is bullshit is mentioned, I believe, only once, when someone noted that Edward didn't even use the words, "I'm sorry," during his apology.

This isn't just perpetuated by Stede, it's also perpetuated by Black Pete. He says to Lucius, "I feel like you're not even looking at me, you're looking through me." and then, when he sees that Lucius is drawing Ed's head on Pete's body (I guess meant to be some comedic take on traumatic fixation), he isn't sympathetic at all, he get's mad that he's not focused on him, and says something along the lines of, "You're so focused on the bad that happened to you but I haven't heard you mention once that you're alive."

This is such a heartwrenchingly common form of abuse minimization that it's nauseating to think about. This idea that, oh, you may be traumatized but actually you're not dead so who cares? Be grateful! Get over it!

And, unlike it being pointed out that Ed didn't say the words, "I'm sorry," this scene is never criticized by anyone in-show. Instead, Lucius appears very guilty and then draws a picture of Black Pete as an apology, telling him he's right.

He wasn't right. That's a fucked up thing to tell someone who was almost killed and then experienced extreme trauma following that. He made the entirety of Lucius' trauma an affront to him. Because Lucius was thinking about his trauma and not him.

Now the worst thing about all of this, to me, is that once this episode is past, it's treated as if everything is resolved. Oh haha funny, Ed walked around the ship with a cat bell on his neck for a few days so he couldn't sneak up on people! So cute and quirky!

It's fucking not! They should have thrown him onto a deserted beach and left him there. I'm not saying Ed should never be allowed to have anything good again in his life, I'm just saying it shouldn't be the crew he traumatized and abused. They don't deserve to have to live with him. They shouldn't be expected to forgive him.

Don't even talk to me about how they made a, and I quote, "Safe Space," and then Ed showed up to it. Like he had any fucking right to be there. When it was a Safe Space meant to be specifically an escape for the people he abused and traumatized. As if he, too, was a victim of him abusing them.

And on top of all of that, the fact that, as he's dying, Izzy is taking all the blame for Ed's actions as Blackbeard - another of Ed's abuse victims - and is treated as if that's the peak of his emotional development. It's not. That was where his development plummeted. He had seconds left to live and he used them to absolve his abuser of his guilt because he loves him and didn't want him to feel as bad when he died.

I was not a fan of Izzy in season 1. He was the biggest cunt on the ship, and he did encourage Ed to be a worse version of himself. But that doesn't mean his cuntiness justified him being mutilated and abused daily. We can only put so much of that on him. Ed had the power to say no. He had the power to be moderate, even. He had the power to be violent and terrible to people outside of their crew. He took Izzy's words and he ran with them - waaay further than he had any conscionable right to.

But this post isn't about season 2 Izzy. It's about abuse apologism, which I feel made up a significant portion of this season's content. And I'm just fucking furious about it.

I'm not saying shows can't have bad things in them. I'm not saying abuse apologism doesn't happen or that it doesn't have its place in media. I'm just saying, season 2 of this show wasn't a fucking comedy. The writers fucking tanked it. Everything that was good about season 1 was stripped of season 2 and everything was plunged into dark-humor tinted tragedy.

You can't base an entire show on the idea of comedically intelligent/modern therapizing language and then use that language to communicate that abusers deserve your pity and forgiveness - not to a queer audience that is probably 90% people who have been horribly abused.

[nicherayyy]

ok. i have the most amazing idea. child reader, but they're from south park and hung around stan's group all the time before moving. (the list of crimes is astronomical, just like cartman and them). basically la squadra and south park! child! reader. bonus points if they have immortality like kenny

Anon you are genius!! And South Park is literally one of my fav shows

TW: cursing, mention of really disturbing crimes and cannibalism (not from reader's side ofc) but it's South Park so there's nothing to be shocked with

La Squadra x Child! South Park! Reader

No one in La Squadra has any idea how they ended up in this situation.. with you.. the most feral 8 year old they ever saw.

Risotto def didn't expect this, I mean, you're just a child, what can go wrong?

Everything.

Everything goes wrong.

At first he didn't even want to tell you about the whole assassin thing. Cuz you know, you're a literal child. You actually found out by accident, finding some random documents on Risotto's desk.

And the last thing Ris wanted was to scare you. He was about to explain himself and that whatever they do, they have no intentions to hurt you while you just listened, like.. it didn't even bothered you?

The only thing you said was:

"Dude I don't really care what you do for a living"

The poor man was too stunned to speak.

Prosciutto HATES your cursing habit. Sometimes he thinks you're an old sailor that saw some things, not a child. You've got a bigger vocabulary than the whole La Squadra combined, I'm not even joking.

He tried to make you stop cursing, he really did.

Pros, in fact, didn't succeed.

"Oh fuck"

"Language"

"Shut up old fart"

"What did you just say??"

Yeah, he can't do this anymore.

Poor Pesci is terrified. How can a child be like.. this??! Children must be naive and innocent, but you?? Ohhh you're the other case.

You actually find it funny that Pesci is so scared of your stories about your old times in South Park. Pls stop traumatising him.

And you're just telling this at random times, which scares him even more.

"Oh, that's a nice chili, I remember my friend ate something like that once"

"Oh.. was it with beef too?"

"No, it was with his enemy's parents"

"WHAT"

Can I just say no one ate chili that day?

Illuso thinks it's amusing, really.

"I'll pay 200 lira if you go and say all curse words you know to Formaggio right now"

"400 lira and we have a deal"

But I won't lie, your stories are scaring him sometimes.

"You know I died once"

"Eh??"

Sometimes he thinks you saw more than him.

Formaggio really likes your stories. But one small issue, he thinks that most of your stories are a joke. Because how can an 8 year old saw so many disturbing things? Of course, it must be just your imagination.

Oh how wrong he was.

"I once was arrested for starting a Peruvian flute band with my friends"

"Haha, yeah, nice"

"And the government sent us to Peru"

"Of course, I believe you"

Actually, Melone is more interested in all your "I died once" thing. Like how?? You just rise from the dead?

"Dude, chill, my friend literally does the same"

So there's another immortal child?? What are you two, Jesus??

"I don't know it's because of some shitty cult I guess?"

"What cult??"

But anyway, he's interested in you in scientific way and doesn't care much about your little crime stories.

Ohhh, Ghiaccio and you are buffing every day. Morning, day, and night.

You just take any opportunity to piss him off. One day for example you pronounced your words wrong (he still remembers that).

Or you can start an argument with him about anything. No matter how small it is. The whole team now tries to distract you so they won't hear Ghiaccio's screams.

"Would you ever stop being so annoying?"

"I don't know, would you ever stop being such a bitch?"

And there it goes.

[dabislittlemouse]

okay but.. I'm feeling fluffy.. I wanna see some father dabi like his daughter is such a daddy's girl and they get into so much shenanigans that you have to deal with!! my nephew cut her bangs because she was bored and when she saw it in the mirror, she was so terrified at how it looked and I just wanna see how dabi would react if his daughter did the same thing 😭😭😭😭

Daddy!Dabi Headcanons

Summary: Dabi as a dad, how he’d behave with his kids, either a son or a daugher

A/N: DADDY DABI IS WHAT GETS MY HEART SO FULL. I’m sure he’d be such a good dad. I wouldn’t want anyone to be my baby’s daddy other than him. Sorry anon my beloved but your ask inspired me to write a lot, kids are so cute and silly sometimes.

MASTERLIST

₊˚ʚ The thought of being a dad never crossed Dabi’s mind in a million years, but when it did, it terrified him. Not because of the responsibility of having a baby, Dabi is not a pussy, he’d never run away from his responsibilities and leave you alone with your baby. He was scared of the fact that he would not be a good dad, that he would be like….him. Dabi would rather get burned in Sekoto twice as much than hurt his baby in anyway possible.

₊˚ʚ His insecurities would get the best of him, coming off as sarcasm or bad jokes most of the time, such as like “imagine what their reaction will be once they find out their daddy is the boogeyman” or stuff like that. You had to smack him at the back of his head, and have a nice long conversation as to why he will be a good dad and his baby will love him.

₊˚ʚ And in fact, he is a good dad. The best one out there ever. You and the baby are the light of his life. He becomes more cautious and is always looking after you two, providing anything you need, helping you out as much as he can. It is all natural, it’s not like he is forcing himself to be a good dad or something.

₊˚ʚ You can’t help the smile on your face as you see him play with his baby, inhaling their scent and humming a small melody to make them sleep. Look at him, a wanted criminal, being such a softie, it makes your heart so full. His scarred hands, the ones that have destroyed and burned down whole cities, are now gently caressing the baby’s cheek, he is so careful with his movements as if the baby is going to break. Looking at Dabi you realize wouldn’t want any other man to be your baby’s daddy. Nobody other than him.

₊˚ʚ As the baby grows up, speaks the first words, starts crawling, does the first steps, Dabi is witnessing it all, and he can’t believe such small creature is able to make his chest explode from emotions. He’d be having tears in his eyes if his tear ducts weren’t burnt.

₊˚ʚ Dabi would be the type of dad to spoil his kid rotten, even when it was too much. Toys got broken or lost? Don’t worry, daddy will steal get new ones. Mommy didn’t allow chocolates? Don’t worry, daddy will bring so many chocolates and ice-cream instead. Too many dresses? Don’t worry, daddy will get more princess dresses for his precious daughter.

₊˚ʚ At some point you have to tell Dabi to not spoil the kid too much cause it is not good. He never listens though.

₊˚ʚ Dabi is always there to help the kids hide the evidence after having done something bad. (Duh, a wanted criminal, he’s an expert at this) Broken glasses, vases, colored walls, messy rooms, ruining mommy’s lipsticks, the kids come to his daddy, saying that they have done a mistake. Daddy always forgives them and is ready to help them fix everything before mommy comes home.

₊˚ʚ Dabi would be the type of dad to laugh his ass off when he sees his kid with a terrible self-done haircut, or their face painted horribly with whatever colored pens they were using. “Ya little brats never chill huh” he chuckles while cleaning their face with wet wipes.

₊˚ʚ Dabi would wheeze when his kid shows him a drawing that they have done. He doesn’t mean to laugh but the drawing is just… so fucking funny! His kid gets mad and starts stomping their feet around the room, running to mommy and saying how daddy is making fun of them. Dabi will come and apologize over and over, saying that he indeed loved the drawing to the point it made him laugh from happiness.

₊˚ʚ If Dabi was a boy dad, things would be different. Hilarious even. Dabi considers his lovely son as a little friend as well.

₊˚ʚ“You cute little shit look exactly like your mother. Too embarrassed to get anything from daddy huh?” he smirks, pinching his son’s nose slightly. All the baby manages to do is babble incoherent words at his daddy, as Dabi manages to squish his soft cheeks afterwards. “I really hope you don’t get my quirk, would be a real shame if ya did”

₊˚ʚ And as for Dabi’s shit luck, his son indeed inherits his flames. He is flabbergasted as one day his 4-year old son walks in, blue flame glowing on his fist. “Daddy I am like you!” his son yells, happy and excited. A weird feeling places on Dabi’s chest, it is not fear or sadness, it’s more like pride and excitement that his son, his own kid, got his quirk. And he was happy about it too. Dabi swears he will do his best to train his son properly on how to handle that quirk, something which Endeavor never did.

₊˚ʚ Dabi does everything to keep you and your kid out of harm’s way. Balancing his villainous life and the “normal” life with his beloved family is not easy, but he will do it because his little family is the only source of happiness, and he loves you two deeply. He would kill for you. He makes sure to keep his family a secret otherwise if his enemies found that Dabi from the League of Villains has a kid, he’d never forgive himself. He keeps it a secret from Tomura and the others as well for some time.

₊˚ʚ Despite from not having a normal life, Dabi does his best to be present as much as he can on his kid’s life as they grow up. Always praising his beloved kid for their achievements, no matter how small they are. He loves to see them smile as they got daddy’s praise and admiration. He makes sure to provide them everything he never had as a kid back then. Spoiling them rotten isn’t enough, they need to feel his love, Dabi always makes sure to show that to them, that daddy is always here to kiss their wounds when they run and hurt their knees, that daddy is always here to applaud them after having done a messy shitty drawing, daddy is always here to kiss their foreheads if they’ve seen a nightmare.

₊˚ʚ Dabi is literally the best dad ever. He doesn’t have to be perfect, there is no definition of a perfect dad. As long as his children are loved, safe and taken care of.

Tags: @mostlyheinous @ko-konutty @the-milk-anon @shadowsandshapes @mossy-opal @daniidil @dabislittlebeaniebaby @syrenkitsune @keiskake @arinexeisnotworking @holydayaria @awalkingshame @malewifetouya @drownedbytears @stuckbetweena-and-z @doumadono @high-bats @dabihawksluva @cherryflavoredkissess @vjohnson696 @sukunas-bitxh @wolfylovespoison @dabis0bitch @ifeelsofilthy

[count-alucard-tepes]

What sexy things do the OP Hotties do that turn you on? 👀

Haha I normally wouldn’t do slightly spicy asks but I’ll respond to this one because I can’t resist😆😍

Kizaru ✨: he such a tease, you know he’s so smooth with the ladies and he dresses really well too. A well put together man is always desirable.

Akainu🌋: he’s stoic and cold and I’m a brat 😂 I feel like that would be the perfect match for someone like him. Also he has tattoos and he seems like he would protect me with his life and that’s so sexy.

Ryokugyu 🌱: he’s a bad boy and everyone loves a bad boy. And when ever I get mad at him he would just turn into a tree with my favorite flowers…a girl is sold.

Fujitora 🐅: he’s such a sweetheart, you know he would be the best husband ever.

Sir Crocodile 🐊: it’s his style, he just oozes sexiness in everything he does and says. He knows he can have anyone and that confidence is really sexy.

Doflamingo Donquixote 🦩: the ultimate bad boy who would have you wrapped around his finger literally and figuratively. It’s the sexy body, the laugh, the style! Not to mention, he’s someone you don’t want to cross the line with him. He’s the guy your parents say stay away from with good reason but you still want a taste.

Benn Beckman 🔫: he’s so mysterious and you know he’ll charm your pants off in 30 seconds. He’s also strong and smart…it’s a win-win situation!

Katakuri Charlotte 🍡: Oda thought everyone was gonna be terrified of this hottie! But no, this mochi baby daddy is the perfect example of don’t judge a book by its cover! He’s a family guy who listens to his mom and cares for his younger siblings! And not to mention he’s got a sexy body and can tell why you’re angry before you stomp around ! And he loves donuts so I never have to diet again! I AM SOLD!

Killer🔪: alright post time skip Killer is hot and all but pre time skip Killer had me on my knees! He’s is so cute and mysterious but also super intelligent and fine af! Blonde hair and blue eyes…that’s my punk rock Barbie right there!

Kaido🐉: he’s emotional af when he’s drunk and just loves the hell out of his kid and those around him that are loyal to him! To be Yamato’s mom and smash Kaido at him prime! Omg I’d cling to ankles, y’all !

King 👑 : he’s the hot character of color who is the epitome of tall, dark and sexy! He has the white hair! He’s that bitch! He’s got wings and legs for days! The fucking face tattoo!!! I would cling onto his knees (since that’s probably the highest point where I’d be able reach him) and die for this baby daddy!

Queen👑: oh man, Queen is so fucking cool! I just wanna party with him until I can’t walk anymore! You know he puts the party God to shame! Karaoke night at Onigashima would be everything!

Izou🔫🔫: he’s so beautiful…I would be so shy around him because he’s so freaken pretty and would always look hotter than me! It’s always nice to have someone else do your hair and make up and Izou is my main man to be my wifey!

Dragon D Monkey 🐉🐒: the face tattoo! You know he’s a badass when he got a face tattoo and his best friend is an Okama! I’m ready to see Dragon naked, y’all! I’m about to be Luffy’s stepmom! Croc is about to gut me😂😂😂

Oven Charlotte 🍞: feeling sad…he bakes some cake…feeling happy…let’s have croissants! He’s just gonna fatten me up and I’ll never have to diet again because I’ll always be smaller than him! These Charlotte men are just the best! He’s also got main character energy 😂

Buggy🤡: he has hair goals I want to achieve but will never reach even if I tried! He’s charismatic and funny af! Buggy-sama is everything!😍

Marco the Phoenix 🦅: he’s a doctor! Score! My parents would never be prouder since I’m not…next best thing is my hubby being a doctor! He’s also such a cutie who seems to always be smiling!

Eustass Kidd🤘🎸: our favorite angry firecracker! He’s a cutie who wears make up and looks like he should be a drummer in a rock band! He’s got beautiful red hair and he’s intelligent! He also can fix your appliances! That’s a wifey right there!

Rosinantè Donquixote aka Cora-San💕: he’s gentle and emotionally available! Not to mention he’s a natural dad! He’s funny and clumsy af but a total badass! Let’s not forget he’s the handsome sibling lol

Who’s Who ❤️‍🔥👹: omg he’s tall, has pink hair, has tattoos and has a sexy smirk! Not to forget he turns into a cute kitty man! I’m ready to have his kittens!

Gecko Moria🦇: now prime Gecko Moria was every fucking thing! I mean who challenges Kaido and doesn’t actually lose…kinda! He was really hot too!

Iceburg💜: he’s so cute and funny, I can’t with him! He’s also so intelligent and can build stuff, love it!

Gild Tesoro⚜️🏅: first of all, he’s rich and he’s hot! A girl is sold! He sings and dances…even better!

Rob Lucci🐆: he’s so cute! I can’t deal especially in his kitty form, he’s also mysterious. From hot to cold in a mere couple of seconds! I love it! His hair is so beautiful too! I can’t deal!

[lovelaetter]

read a fic recently that just made me think about blackmailing nayeon and wanted to know what you though 👀 keep thinking about telling her if she doesnt accept your terms that youll go after tzuyu or dahyun next and when she does accept to save her members jist finger fucking her with tzuyu there touching herself cause youve already corrupted her and just breaking her

CW: BLACKMAIL, DUBCON, i think this is pretty fucked up? i mean, psychologically speaking, so, if you’re not okay with gaslighting/manipulation, read at your own risk.

although i do love the thing about tzuyu being the first and witnessing nayeon going through the same i just can’t help but think about blackmailing them back to back and messing with them both at the same time? maybe something tzuyu related, a photo, video, as nay would do anything to protect her :(

cornering nayeon one day and showing her the content, the cliché “wouldn’t be funny if everyone saw this?” while laughing and she’s so quick to jump into and beg you to not do that, tzuyu doesn’t deserve that. her blindly agreeing with you when you ask if she would do anything to help her friend, not realizing the implications, and one thing just leads to another. so reluctant at first, stopping your hands, looking at you with big eyes and “you promise you won’t do that if i let you…?” and you play the nice cards, saying that yes and that you would never break a promise but that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to… but she knows what that will mean to her friend reputation.

touching her right there where you are, not caring if someone sees it, and she really tries hard to not enjoy it but it’s like you make sure she does, starting so slow, touching her over her clothes, lips on her neck, gently fondling her tits, so much teasing to the point she’s dragging your hand down to her pussy herself, whining pathetically when you point out her soaked underwear :( it’s so nice, your fingers fit so perfectly inside her, all that’s happening is terrifying but it feels so good she completely forgets about the purpose of it, just focus on your words and your touch.

you leave and the poor thing thinks it’s an one time thing, you fuck her and go, but the next day you show up at her house asking, more like demanding, for more and what is she supposed to do? you keep reminding her of what you have in hands. as the days pass by you get rougher and rougher tho, what was once harmless fingering and some pussy eating turning into slaps and holding her face down on the mattress while pounding her from behind, riding her face, lots of degradation included as you insist in saying she’s slut and probably likes what you’re doing to her, she probably doesn’t even care that much about tzuyu anymore and all she does is cry and whimper because you’re right, at this point she thinks about you all day and can’t wait for the next time you’ll use her! and she can’t even look tzuyu in the eyes anymore, it just feels awful, that she chose to be fucked for the sake of protecting her instead of telling her what you’re doing… and it’s weird because the younger starts acting just as weirder towards her too, ignoring her and giving her disgusting and disappointed looks and when she mentions it to you you get so angry and threatens her too, asking if she told tzuyu anything and she gets so desperate it’s— it’s so confusing.

unbeknownst to her, there’s the second part of your plan going on at same time, which is honestly, even worse than what you’re doing to her. visiting tzuyu on the same day of your first time with nayeon, sitting down with her and playing the good friend, saying you need to tell her something because you would never forgive yourself if you didn’t and just showing her the picture/video you have of her, watching as she starts shaking and crying and asking how did you get that and here comes the big surprise… you tell her nayeon sent it to you and that she plans on sending it to everyone :( and you even have proof that it was her, showing her a video you recorded from your earlier conversation that it’s taken completely out of context and makes it seems like all you’re saying is the truth!! and how is tzuyu supposed to not believe you? there’s proof, you’ve always been such a good friend, for years, you would never lie to her… right?

and so it begins, part of your days you fuck nayeon like there’s no tomorrow and the others you take tzuyu in your arms and reassure her it’s okay, everything it’s gonna be okay, she can trust you and you’ll solve things for her! and you don’t even need to blackmail her into giving herself to you as your nights together turn into shushing her crying to cuddling to making out and eventually to sex and dating, she just grows attached to you… i mean, you’re so nice, she’s even a little embarrassed of how fast her feelings evolved. she freely chooses to undress for you and let you touch her, so pretty, muttering “thank you” repeatedly while going up and down, creaming all over your strap, and you being the manipulative ass you are, saying you will never, ever, let something bad happen to her :( like, she has no idea… and you can totally corrupt her because deep down she has this desire to please you as a form of thanking you so she accepts everything, it’s consensual, but there are things she wouldn’t accept with other people in other situations.

so yeah, she distances herself from nayeon disappointed and disgusted and you always make sure to ask her “did she bother you today, love?” and the answer is always no, obviously, but she thinks it’s because you’ve talked to her and put her in place or whatever… they just have no idea you’re messing with them both.

the end to this situation is pretty… open, i think, but i like to imagine that you stop using nayeon as soon as you fuck tzuyu and starts dating her, because again, you would never, ever hurt your babygirl, and that includes cheating, and she’s hurt for real, going after you, but again you manage to twist the situation, making her believe it was her who begged to be fucked.

[wizardfrog69]

Helllooo! Could you write Ranpo, Fyodor, Chuuya, and Dazai (separately) meeting S/O’s family please? The classic family, overprotective dad and overprotective big brother, welcoming mother, the playful little kid siblings? How would the boys react to the family?

So idk what the "classic" family is so sorry if it looks like I have no idea what I'm doing, it's because I don't, but I'll try my best! :)

So I'm gonna add a grandmother cuz it's funny, she's gonna be the type who makes a shit ton of food and expects you to eat everything and constantly asks if you need more, you know the one. If you do not, I sincerely apologise.

Thank you for your request!

'•.¸♡meeting your family♡¸.•'

Gn!reader

Fluff

Masterlist

Enjoy!

Feat. Ranpo, Fyodor, Chuuya, Dazai.

Ranpo Edogawa

Meeting your family with Ranpo was a disaster, mainly because of Ranpo. He would constantly boast about himself being the greatest detective (and boyfriend) he didn't do it too often but he still mentioned it once or twice.

If your mother made something sweet he would be all in and love her and in turn she'll love him and fucking spoil him.

Your father and older brother weren't as pleased with him as your mother, Ranpo wasn't the most possessive type but when people acted like they owned you that is when he got pissed.

He would never dream of acting inappropriately round your parents but whenever his eyes met your fathers or older brothers he would snake his hand round your arm.

He didn't care all that much for your younger sibling(s), he probably got them something because you forced him to

He fucking loves your grandma. I mean how could he not when she constantly makes sooo much cake and amazing food!! She is his favourite relative of yours.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Fuck everyone is low key intimated by his presence. You probably told them there is nothing to be scared of before you introduced him to them. Fyodor is not trying to be intimating tho! He just .... has a vibe yk.

He brought some nice wine and flowers for your mother and whatever your father likes for him, maybe like some whisky or something probably.

He talks politics and other respectful topics your family chooses to talk about. Idk what people choose to talk about but usually we talk about history and politics, I think Fyodor will gladly talk about those topics.

It doesn't matter if your older brother is older, younger or your fucking twin, Fyodor will always seem older and more mature.

If your younger sibling is like 1 it will absolutely shit itself when they see him, they are fucking terrified.

He will compliment the cooking 100% I mean who wouldn't tbh but he definitely will.

I know I'm saying that everyone loves the grandmother but like why wouldn't he?!??!?! He would love raising a child who has a grandmother who freezes a shit ton of cake and makes the best god damn cooking you have ever taste.

Also, he wouldn't call your mother 'mom' but rather 'mother' or 'мать' (mat') which means mother in Russian if I'm not mistaken

Chuuya Nakahara

He wants to make the best first impression he can.

He'll dress up all nicely and everything! He brings some nice (and expensive) wine as an offering to your family.

He gets along with your brother the best, they are besties now! He also tries to get along with your younger siblings as much as he can but it's hard to be friends with a child when you aren't one yk.

If he was asked for his occupation he obviously won't say the fucking mafia, he made something up on the spot but the only thing he could come up with was bartender for some reason.

Your mother wasn't too fond of him but quickly grew to like him since you loved him so much.

Your father and Chuuya started talking about some team they both watch and that is mostly how they bonded.

Osamu Dazai

You had to force him to bring something nice for your parents as well.

He kept on complaining and whining about meeting them but once you got there it was as if he was a completely different person, he was nice and didn't ask anyone to commit double suicide?!?!?! Like who is this man!

He wooed your mother to like him which was pretty easy the more difficult task was getting the rest of your family to like him.

Honestly he probably just had to tell your younger siblings he was a detective and they are interested to listen to all the cool stories he has.

If your mother tells him to call her mom he will definitely call her mom like 24/7 not because it's rude to call her by her name but because he gets to have a mother to call 'mom'.

Also he wants to call your father 'daddy' just for the laughs but he won't, he calls him 'dad'.

He doesn't call your brother 'brother', 'bro' maybe but not brother.

After meeting your whole family and coming back for dinner or something he would come into the kitchen shout 'grandma' with open arms ready to give her a hug. He's lucky she wasn't cooking at the moment.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Sorry I haven't posted anything, life's keeping me busy °^°

Have a wonderful day/night!

-Love, Az

[daenysx]

Hi!! First of all, I want to tell you that I love your writings! Your portrayal of Aemond is just *chef's kiss*. I would like to request some hurt/comfort with Aemond x reader if possible. Thank you in advance! <3

thank you for your request, angel, i'm so happy that you like my writing!! i hope you like this one too, i picked a plot which is a little too relatable to me, so here we go. ♡

send me your requests for drabbles

pins and needles. pins and needles. pins and needles.

people talk but the words are not clear. they laugh, they have endless conversations about their lives, they share funny memories with each other.

all you can do is sitting at the table and giving them fake smiles.

they are your friends, surely a dinner with them must feel good, right? you have plenty you'd like to share, you want to laugh at their jokes, you want to make them smile. your hands shake, your breathing's uneven, you're sure at some point you'll feel the world spin. you don't want to be here. you don't know how to leave the restaurant. will they talk after you leave? will they say how you can't even form a proper sentence without your voice shaking?

you hold onto your glass, you take a slow sip from it. the liquid tastes weird in your mouth. a friend next to you says something, then turns to you and asks, "right?"

risky question. you didn't even hear the story. you don't know how to answer. fuck. no, that's- no. you grab your phone and stand up. you try to smile but it's fake. "uhm, excuse me, i just have to call someone, i'll be back."

you don't want to come back.

you walk away, thankfully they are a big group, not all of them will notice your absence. the fresh air feels nice as you step outside. you take a few more steps and sit on the sidewalk. you try to take a deep breath, you fail. you look at your phone, fingers shaking as you search aemond's name.

aemond picks up the phone at the first ring. "sweetheart?"

you have to find your voice. "hey."

he knows what happens the moment he hears the little word. "are you okay?"

"can you- can you please come and get me?"

he grabbed the car keys already. "i'm on my way."

you try to stay calm as you wait for him. it's a short distance, all you have to do is waiting for him. he'll be here. he'll be here.

9 minutes 37 seconds, and aemond is here. he rushes when he sees you, you realize the image must be a little terrifying. he kneels in front of you, careful hands on your face. "hey, i'm here. you're with me, pretty girl."

you hold onto him, he holds you the best he can. the angle's weird but he doesn't care. you cry into his neck, you can't breathe. you don't wanna be like this, there's no reason and look at you, crying in your lover's arms. aemond rubs your back, his knees must hurt. he kisses your forehead, just keeps his warm lips on your skin. "i got you. you're safe, hmm? you know i'm here, i'm with you."

you nod, you feel better. you are not alone. he's here, with you. "my friends- they're inside, i just-" you mumble, the words lost in your mouth.

"do you have your things with you? yeah, you have, baby. let me take you home, i'll just call them and tell them you got sick." he kisses your head. "it's okay. everything's okay. i'll make sure everything's fine, let's go back to car."

he helps you to the car, never lets go of your hand. he buckles your seatbelt. you just feel tired, the loud voices and your fake smiles carve a space in your mind. you close your eyes, teardrops fall. it's okay, it's just okay.

aemond takes you home. he keeps his hands on you all the time. a hand on your thigh as he drives and his arm around your waist as he leads you inside. the bedroom is quiet, you walk towards bed and let yourself relax for a minute. you can hear aemond's muffled voice, he's in the kitchen, talks to one of your friends who he knows and probably tells them you're sick but safe with him. you close your eyes, you don't even want to remember how you felt.

he comes next to you, sits on the edge of the bed. "can i hold your hand?" he asks, with a cautious tone. you give him your hand and he squeezes it, helps you remember you're safe. you're with him, you're safe, everything's okay.

"do you want to tell me what happened?" he asks, almost whispers.

you shrug. "i'm not sure i know what happened."

he shakes his head. "baby-" he collects his words. "you know what? we don't have to talk about it. we don't have to talk at all."

"aemond," you say, pull his hand closer to your lips and press a little kiss on the back of it. "thank you for coming. thank you for- for being with me."

he cups your cheek, gathering his thoughts again with a smile. "you don't have to thank me. you call, i come to you, that's our deal."

a teardrop falls. "i just felt like i didn't belong there. they were- they are so confident, so happy with their lives, and i don't even know if i do things right with mine."

he lays on bed silently, pulls you on his body so that you can use him like a pillow. now you can tell everything to him without worrying about having an eye contact. "they're my friends but it's like there's a distance between us. i thought i'd have fun, i didn't, i just felt terrible instead." you continue, sobbing.

aemond forces himself to stay calm. he should stay calm for you, he should help you feel like yourself again. he just rubs your back, the physical contact always works the best.

"i shouldn't doubt myself so much, should i? i'm doing the things i want but none of them seems worthy enough to have a conversation about." you whisper, too lost in your own thoughts and tears.

aemond lifts you suddenly, he sits on bed, and you're on his lap. he takes off your sweater with confident fingers, leaving you with a small tank top, freeing you from the heat that makes your cheeks flush. he pulls your hair from your face, brushes away your tears, and kisses your lips.

the kiss goes on, you find it easy to move your lips against his. the act of taking a deep breath is not so hard now, he shares his breaths with you. you kiss him for what feels like hours, your head not spinning now. your heartbeat turns normal slowly, you hold onto his hair, your shaky fingers become sure of the movement after each second.

he ends the kiss by holding the back of your head gently. foreheads pressed together, you are okay. you are okay, he's here. he kisses you better. he just knows how to kiss you better.

"you're allowed to feel bad even when you're with the people you like, sweetheart. you're allowed to be nervous, to not enjoy conversations around you, to not feel the best all the time." he kisses your forehead after each sentence.

"everything's okay, you didn't do anything wrong." he wants you to make sure you know the obvious fact, "you did good, leaving the place you're uncomfortable in and calling me to get you."

you nod, "thank you for saying these."

he squeezes your hand. "sweet thing." he kisses the back of your hand. "i just want you to feel good."

"i'm good." you say. "i'll be good."

aemond nods, "i was watching that tarantino movie you love so much before you called. would you like to join me? you can tell me everything i don't know about it."

you know he's lying, he wasn't watching your comfort movie before you called. he just wants you to feel better, offering something he knows you won't resist. you nod, give him a smile.

"come on, change your clothes. i'll make us some tea." aemond says, watching you take your jeans off with a longing smile on his lips.