#the knowledge that I can write a chapter in a week - edit it the next week - then publish... that's really satisfying

[brown-little-robin]

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Update on Strange Redemption:

I have spring break next week. If I can make a detailed outline for the next arc of Strange Redemption by the end of spring break, I'll go back to a biweekly update schedule for Strange Redemption.

It's been so long...!

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[byoldervine]

What Common Writing Phrases Actually Mean

For years I assumed a lot of the common writing phrases that get thrown around were just generic things that were never actually going to help people write because it doesn't actually tell you what to do. But recently I've been able to work out the meanings for a few of them and I'd like to share them with my fellow writers, especially for my fellow NDs with literal thinking

"Write what you know" - it doesn't mean that you should only write what you're already familiar with, it means to do your research, gain knowledge and go from there; if you haven't done the research, don't write about it *until you have*, not just shrug your shoulders and find something else without ever trying to write it. Additionally, things will have more of an emotional impact if you write about things you yourself have experienced, or when you tie in your own experiences to something; you’ve probably (and hopefully) never had acid thrown in your face, but you’ve probably gotten shampoo in your eye and can amp that experience up

"Writing is a discipline"/"Write even when you're not motivated" - my reaction to this was always that, since I was only doing this for fun and didn't have any deadline to meet, why should I force myself to write even when I don't want to? But what they're trying to say with this is to make sure you have some level of consistent progress, even if it's only one sentence every week; having a minimum level of progress you can count on is an absolute lifesaver when writing, as well as being motivating in its own right

"Edit as you go" - this one really doesn't mean to change up your entire chapter every single time you get a new sentence down, it means to take breaks from writing new chapters to reflect back on what you've previously written and make sure to fix up any inconsistencies while the next few chapters are still fresh in your mind. Outside of SPAG mistakes or quick one-sentence-or-less tweaks I generally wouldn't advise properly editing the same chapter you just wrote simply because you could easily burn yourself out speedrunning to the final draft before you even get to chapter two

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

Elks Version 2.0

My fanfiction writing journey began in February of this year. Prior to that, I had never written anything akin to fanfic or fiction for my own enjoyment. On March 19 I was finally able to shush the anxiety and second-guessing of stepping into the world of sharing my words. Thanks to @ohheypedrito’s steadfast enthusiasm along with @justagalwhowrites’ kind words and guidance I hit post on Golden Walkway. Since then I've shared over 100,000 words and had the support of countless kind souls. Some of those kind souls have looked through my writing and marked it up making me better at the craft. With all of this newly acquired knowledge, I look back on some of my earlier works and really see the holes that needed to be filled by more practice. If I'm being honest, that's why it's been so hard for me to continue on my first multi-chapter fic; the ugly voice inside my head wants me to just call it quits and give up because the writing doesn't match the caliber I hold myself to. I can't allow that to happen. So, with all of that being said, I have made the decision to go back and re-edit my first multi-chapter fic Elks. Soft Jackson Joel meets a shy, artsy girl who loves music and has somewhat of a smart mouth and wooow they fall for each other? Shocking, I know. This story means a lot to me, and is definitely me coping with what just might rear its ugly head during season two. That's what I love about fanfic, we can choose any new adventure for our blorbo.

My plan is starting next week, on the 9th, I will repost the edited *first* chapter of Elks, along with a small ficlet from Joel's perspective, moodboard, and playlist for each selected chapter. Each week you can expect the same thing, until I catch up to the unpublished chapters my Google Docs hold. I've never done anything like this before and I'd really love to have y'all participate if you'd like. One of the best parts of this whole journey has been meeting so many new friends and sharing in the fun of the PPCU. I hope you'll join me. Comment, reblog, send me a DM, stick a post-it note to my back, and I'll add you to the taglist. You can participate as little or as much as you'd like, so much of this is just me thanking scared-to-post past Mallory for stepping foot on this new journey that has turned into a fun and fulfilling hobby. As always, thanks for reading. 💕

[zuppizup]

Work in Progress Wednesday

As we approach season six drop, I’ve been working on tidying up some of my near complete WIPS (Purgatory and Zoom-mates), preparing others for posting (A Dark Alternative) and playing around with some of the prompts for Rayllum month. I've also started another novella length fic (or that's what I want it to be) focusing on long term possessed Callum and the fallout from that.

For WIP Wednesday, I usually share a snippet from one of my WIPs, but... well, I've got lots 😅

Let me know if you're interested in one in particular and I'll share what I can. 😊

Purgatory - next chapter drafted up and marinating. Did some more refining of the final chapter and epilogue

Zoom-mates - polishing up older chapters, fixing text formatting and image embedding. Re-reading and then hiding from final chapter(s)

A Dark Alternative - re-reading chapters 1-30 (arc 1) in the hopes of getting ready to post after Rayllum month

Mage’s Study - enablers in my ear. Have begun one chapter in earnest, and another has vague notes

Another-fic-where-Rayla-suffers-that-has-no-name - Viren has joined the cast, much to Rayla’s annoyance

Rayllum month prompts - four/five prompts with ideas notes

All in all about 9k added to various WIPs, edits and re-writes included. Calling that a decent week in full knowledge July will throttle my typical daily word count.

[satohqbanana]

How to Write Consistently

Or more specifically, what has allowed Satoh to progress far into her story despite having always struggled to write multi-chapter works? Please be advised that these things worked FOR ME, SatohQBanana. If you find that these tips aren't helpful for you, feel free to ignore it.

Also this is very long.

TIP NUMBER ONE: Brevity is the soul of wit, and this meeting could've been an email. It's OK to skip scenes - not the type of skipping where you put [insert action scene] here, but the kind where you can instead summarize what occurs. If you're going to build up a character to prepare for a fight, make it obvious that they'll win, and make them win the fight, then you can skip describing what happened in the fight.

TIP NUMBER TWO: Skipping scenes for the drafting stage? That's the devil speaking! You'll end up with a far worse issue of having to make the disjointed parts fit together like a puzzle. The past you is a different person from the current you - and you probably just need to rest your eyes and your mind for a bit, to figure out how to untangle that difficult scene.

TIP NUMBER THREE: Be prepared to kill your darlings. This is especially true if you are skipping to writing the scenes you just wanted to see play out. Doing them immediately is OK as a writing practice, but be warned that future you will find a way to ruin past you's work. Don't leave problems for the future you, who will have fallen in love with current you's work and might have to face the inevitable part of the editing process that is scrapping entire ideas.

TIP NUMBER FOUR: But if you close your eyes, you'll be able to move on. Not seeing much of what you've written can help you focus on what has not been written. Tricks such as changing font styles and font colors, saving your work chapter by chapter, and even taking photos of your work on the screen to prevent yourself from editing them are helpful. If you repeat writing the same part, that's fine. You can always edit something that exists, but you can't do anything with something that does not exist except think about it all day long!

TIP NUMBER FIVE: Rotate tasks like farmers rotate crops. It is scientifically proven that having a variety of activities in one's life leads to a healthier life. And by tasks, I don't mean WIPs. Do something nice IRL: visit a museum, go to the amusement park, study a new thing, and so on. Not only does this allow you to take a break from your creative projects, but this also helps you learn more about the world, widen your view, and increase your knowledge and wisdom that you are drawing from to write your stories.

TIP NUMBER SIX: Don't forget to lay the field fallow and take a break. It is also scientifically proven that rest reenergizes you between tasks, allowing you to do the next task very efficiently. By rest, I mean actual real rest, the kind where you sit or lie down, maybe doing some ruminating, but way away from any of your devices. You can even do activities that destress you - such as cleaning, or treating yourself to a nice meal, or reading a book. Sure, it isn't writing, but it is taking care of yourself as a writer, to make sure you don't overwork yourself into a corner and curse yourself into weeks or months of writer's block.

TIP NUMBER SEVEN: Change your mindset and establish a philosophy that will allow you to work with yourself, move around your flaws, and achieve your goals. If your current workflow isn't allowing you to write well, you gotta acknowledge that and move on to a different strategy. Be open to the notion of being wrong and be open to new ideas that will challenge your current beliefs - in fact, those might help you untangle your ideas as well!

TIP NUMBER EIGHT: Hold yourself accountable. If you must use pomodoro timers or write-by-word-count apps, do it! If you must schedule your writing sessions because you have a condition or circumstance that demands it, do it! If you must have someone waiting on you so you can get motivated to have that draft done by the end of this month, do it! Be responsible - you are the author of your work, and no one else is going to write it for you.

TIP NUMBER NINE: Do it, and do it scared! JUST DO IT! If you're having doubts, you must remember: new and uncertain things are scary, but you won't know about them for real if you keep pulling yourself away from them. Growing and accumulating rich experience takes a bit of courage and doing a lot of things you don't know is right or wrong for you. But what's important is that you try, and you do. (And you have to try to finish what you set out to do, so you can have a better idea of whether the new thing is good for you or not!)

TIP NUMBER TEN: Connect with your story truly, madly, deeply. I would advise against trying to write a big idea just because it's got really nice vibes. I need you to feel your story in your soul, and have its core themes resonate with your beliefs. Just as you are your first critic, you are also your first fan. Not only will this help you love your story even as you shape it into something else, but this will help you keep in mind its essence, even as you develop it. If multiple artists can make changes to a character's design and have others recognize the character anyway, then so can you with your story!

[fang-and-feather]

Ikemen Vampire - Theo x OC

Words: 1,747

Summary: Amy had always been confident of who she was, so a change to what she thought very set about her, made her feel lost on her own identity. If this can change, what else that she also took for granted can? Luckly she has Theo to help her find herself again.

Tags: Fluff and Comfort, Sexuality and Identity Crisis, Background Genderbending, Background Polyamory, Background Theo x Female Arthur, just slight suggestive at the end

Written for April's Polyam Shipping Day Prompt: Attraction from @polyamships

I also have a poll regarding the future of this fic

I want to thank @onegianthotmess for her post from which I borrowed genderbent Arthur's name, and @bicayaya and @keithsandwich who I talked to about Amy's sexuality once and they were very sweet and helpful (if there was anyone else in that post, I will add you to these credits when I actually find the post)

This fic is very experimental. I am exploring something different with Amy, exploring how she would work in a ship with Theo, and it's also my first time properly writing Theo and the first trying genderbent IkeVamp... I didn't have much space for Arthur in this chapter, but this will focus on the three of them.

Also, how did I take the whole day just to edit this?!

Next Chapter / IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist / AO3 Link

Amy had to deal with questioning herself, at minor changes in life or when questioned by someone else, but that was an easy, quick process, to assert her position in a situation.

Recently, it had been one change after another. Realizing her knowledge of the world was limited, vampires existed and time travel was possible. Questioning her feelings for Theo. And the more serious one, questioning her place in the new world as she chose to stay in this time period. She quickly adapted to every change.

But these situations, and everything before, had been about adapting to something external, be it a place, a situation or a person. The most internal questioning was about her tastes in men when she fell in love with Theo. It wasn’t that big of a life change.

Now this? This wasn’t related to a single person, and it changed her whole perception of herself, and such change removed all of her security in her own identity.

Although Amy never had actually been attracted to anyone before Theo. Never been in love before him. Her attempts at figuring if any shift of feelings towards a friend was love, and the different ways she observed each gender, made Amy very sure she was only interested in men. She never doubted that since her late teens.

And now she had a boyfriend. There was no reason to question it.

That was until the last few days around Arthea.

Amy had been friends with the writer for a while. She was Arthea’s early reader, and they sometimes went out together, solving small cases around town, and often grabbing something to eat on the way back. Arthea was someone Amy trusted to comfort or distract her to avoid panic attacks. But although Amy always had difficulty noticing the difference, nothing of the feelings she had differed from any of her other closest friends, so it had to be purely platonic.

Until this week, and especially this morning.

It had been a case to solve like any other, but when they stopped by a cafe for some sweets, Amy found herself embarrassed by Arthea sharing a spoonful of her own dessert. It was something she always casually did with other friends. Not something she had any romantic association besides movies making it seem so.

And she still attributed it to realizing people were watching and would have a different interpretation. But there was little to no excuse to what happened in the carriage.

Even while to justify the weirdness of earlier, Amy couldn’t forget it and be comfortable around her friend.

Arthea acted the same as always and tried to comfort her with the usual flirty teasing. But at that moment, it made things worse, especially when Arthea leaned in, as if to kiss Amy.

Amy knew her friend wouldn’t, but a part of her wanted it to happen. She felt trapped and confused and overreacted, things getting even more awkward between them.

She was afraid of what these feelings meant. If she couldn’t trust in what she was the most safe about herself, what else could change? How could she be sure of things? And who she was if she couldn’t be sure of anything?

The idea of such internal changes also brought up things she would rather forget, and the fear of these changes bringing her to similar points again.

Besides, a little voice amidst all that chaos whispered that this kind of change wasn’t appropriate. Something she always accepted in others, but in herself, it was unacceptable.

But that was the thing that mattered the least. Being stripped of her self knowledge was what scared her.

Amy built a kind of character out of traits she had that fit occasions, like a professional Amy for work, but to build and maintain these, she had to know her core, and if her core changed, it destabilized everything else. She would have to put a long time into rebuilding everything.

But if something changed, how could she be sure it wouldn’t happen again? That she wouldn’t put all that effort only to have to do it again halfway? And how would she deal with these situations in the meantime?

Amy nearly jumped when an arm wrapped around her back, but she found herself secure in Theo’s embrace.

She had hidden in the attic because she didn’t have the energy to deal with people. She wasn’t aware her boyfriend was back and that he would find her.

“What’s the problem, Hondje? Are you sad because I didn’t take you on a walk today?”

“I’m fine, Theo.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Just thinking.”

“It doesn’t feel right for you to be so quiet.” When she remained quiet, unsure of what he really expected her to say, he sighed. “She told me what happened.”

Of course Arthea did. She was one of the biggest gossipers in this house, even though she had serious competition.

“I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.”

If it already didn’t feel right before, thinking that Theo already had an idea of who she was that he had committed to, it didn’t feel proper to change that.

“Are you sure? Because if you can control it, then it shouldn’t have happened now.”

She should have known he would be mad. Why was he even still holding her in such a comforting manner? She had messed up his trust.

“I’ll learn to.”

Amy expected a serious response like “As you should” or something more teasing with hidden understanding like “I’ll make sure you do”. But Theo pulled her closer and caressed her hair, a sweet gesture that didn’t seem to fit the situation.

“Do you like her?” Amy shrugged. Even she wasn’t sure. “I’ve known it for a while, even if you didn’t notice, and I don’t like this. I don’t want to share you. But is it really so much worse than seeing you struggling to hold back and hide yourself for me?”

The words sounded strange coming from Theo, but it took Amy a moment to realize why.

These were the same words she had told Theo after he, slightly more drunk than usual, had almost kissed an even more drunk Arthea that was flirting with him after a party.

She had confronted him when he was sober, but it took a while to wear down his stubbornness and get Theo to admit that he was interested in the writer before Amy even showed up. But he clashed with Arthea’s personality and didn’t think she was looking for anything serious with anyone.

Besides, he had other things in his mind other than looking for a relationship, and that made him push these feelings away, apparently successfully. So, when he met Amy, he didn’t even think about that when falling in love with her.

But forgetting and just burying the attraction were different things. His case was the latter, although he only realized so when drunk.

And although Amy never imagined she would, was okay with it. In fact, she was partially happy that Theo was opening himself to new feelings and experiences. But a part of her still wanted to keep him all to herself.

These words meant Theo felt the same. And Amy wished that solved all her problems.

When she continued not to respond, Theo pushed her down on the bench, trapping her under him.

“What is it? Were you trying to make me jealous? Expecting me to punish you? Because I can always change my mind.” he said with a dangerous smirk.

“No!” Amy finally spoke, trying to push him away by the shoulders, but neither she put that much effort in it, nor he let himself be pried away.

“Then what is it, Hondje? Seems like I still didn’t train you properly, if you still think you need to hide from me. Shall we start a new lesson now? Or will you trust me?”

Between his usual teasing, Theo knew the right words to push her. And never too hard either, as surprising as it would be to other people.

“I… I was sure I wasn’t like this… and the idea of changing makes me feel… broken. I’m not sure if I even am the same person anymore. Or who I will be in the future. What If I become someone very different from who I am now? Someone different from the person you love?”

“What nonsense is that? Why would being attracted to her change who you are? You ‘are’ the person I love, and you couldn’t change that even if you wanted.” His tone was fierce, but the words were sweet. “I wouldn’t be Arthea if it was that easy to change my mind. It’s not you who will manage that.” Theo intertwined their fingers, an intimate gesture that also had her further pinned down, and kissed her until she was breathless. “And I changed for you. Am I a different person?” When Amy shook her head, he kissed her again. “If you ever forget who you are, I’ll be sure to remind you. Thoroughly. Because no matter who you will become, you will always be mine.”

Theo kissed her again, letting one of her hands go to explore her body. Amy moaned, her hold on his hand tightening. Her next words didn’t match her actions, though.

“Not here, Theo.”

When they parted, Theo sat back, pulling Amy with him.

“I’ll listen because you were a good girl. But you better be prepared. Once I get you back to bed, you won’t be leaving until I make sure you have no more silly worries. And maybe for a while longer, because I don’t think you will be able to stand when I’m done with you.”

Theo grinned before pulling her for a new kiss. One hand still entangled with hers, the other tangling in her hair, holding her closer.

Amy didn’t try to protest this time. Because Theo was right that she had him for purchase if she even lost sight of herself.

She would have to talk to Arthea later. But, for now, Amy would enjoy her current boyfriend.

“Does that mean you will take a break from work?”

“Someone will have to keep an eye on you, Hondje. You always get in trouble when I’m not looking.”

She did not. But before she could protest, Theo was kissing her again, stealing all further thoughts, leaving just him. And Amy couldn’t feel safer.

Tag List: @tele86, @nightghoul381, @natimiles, @bicayaya, @eventinelysplayground, @2-lines-and-a-circle, @vampiricpancake, @specters0rd

If you want to be tagged/untagged on future writings, even if it's in specific contents, you can reply to this post or send me a message

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

[promptcorner]

Will you ever write that dp x tfrb fic? The one with the cody/danny? Cause the idea is genius...the pairing is so cute, two disaster teens lol

When would Danny get to GR? The dude is so damn overpowered that its hilarious, even if he holds back, so imagine the Burns faces when they watch him lift the boys ship with a single hand and the brat says "oh, this? This weighs like a bunch of grapes lol". And when he tells them all his adventures and that he defeated the ghost version of Unicron on steroids and several minor deities.

What do you think of the "kid is next in the line for the throne by right of conquest because he made old peepaw Dark go to sleep once again"?

Some hc of the cody/danny ship? As in, actual couple hc. Who does what and all that stuff...

Good question!

I’m writing the second chapter actually! The first chapter is being edited, I hope to post it on AO3 with my other fics by the end of the week! Hopefully that comes into fruition, if not, then within this month.

I can’t say much on when or how Danny gets to GR. All I can say though, is that it happens in the first chapter. Danny and Cody meet in the first chapter too and mysteries are put in place.

Pttt! Peepaw Dark is a great name! Gold stars! 🌟🌟🌟

I am going to go the Ghost King route, but I won’t go into detail on how. ;3

Danny is an overpowered boy with great humor. But man, he can be such a dork with cringe fail action. Cody is definitely the most mature out of the two, but not by much. He tends to create trouble by his wants and actions when he doesn’t think things through. The Trash-compacter episode comes to mind. Danny does similar stuff.

They’re both nerds, have older red headed siblings, work as heroes, have some sort of relevant connections to royalty and pirates, fight machines, fight ghosts or ghost adjacent stuff, and both have friend(s) who are knowledgeable in things they’re not. The list can go on.

With that dynamic into perspective, here are my cute romantic hcs:

Danny, as Phantom, would often call Cody, “Boy Scout.” But as Danny, he would call Cody, “Codes.” Even before they get together, he calls Cody these names as a way to separate his ghost side from his living side. It doesn’t work, however. Because Cody would be like, “Hang on, how do you know I was as a scout? I don’t wear my sash everywhere I go… Wait, I recognize that hair cut!” Cody would notice that Danny is Phantom almost immediately. But he wouldn’t say anything and just roll with it. He’s seen some weird stuff, this wouldn’t be any different. Danny would also call Cody his Guardian Angel or Psychopomp due to how they met as a little inside joke. But the joke becomes real. The irony of the protecter spirit actually having a protector is funny to me. But this would go both ways.

Cody would a hundred and ten percent believe that Danny is an alien before finding out he’s a ghost. The entire Burns Family and the Docs would believe that as well. Even The Bots would think he’s some strange shifter species from space like them. Danny just happens to either be half alien, or an alien who grew up with human culture, those types of theories. So they brush off obvious signs of ghostly activity for a while. But Cody would be the first to know via Danny telling him. The angst would be obvious.

And just like Cody being the first to know, he would also be the first to gain feelings for Danny before Danny catches feelings for him. It’s a slow build, but he notices them and develops his first crush. He would act all shy, stutter occasionally, and doze off with a dreamy expression.

He would constantly think Danny’s eyes are brighter then Energon, would want to comb through his hair, and go on hikes to the top of GR and watch the stars with him. Heck, he would find a way to the stars with Frankie’s help.

His siblings would notice this immediately, since their love lives have been active since the dawn of time, especially Kade’s. And they would both get nervous and excited. The Bots would look on in confusion, but realize Cody is having feelings, and also get excited.

But hey! Cody’s the baby, so there will be plenty of, “Gah! No! Not the baby! He’s going through puberty! He’s gaining a crush! Oh the humanity! They grow up to fast! What do we do?” \TAT/

The Docs, Frankie, and Mr. Burns would be the only few to handle this with any form of maturity.

Danny would be slower in catching on. But he develops feeling not too long after Cody.

He would stutter too, doze off, but would still give Cody various pet names. However, where in the beginning he said certain names more sparingly, now he’s saying them ever time they hang out. Names like Angel, My Guardian, Soul Mate (I explained why in my last ask, but it’s because they have similar shoes but inverted), Sunlight, Capella, Aviator, the list goes on.

Danny would ask for hugs more often, and help around whenever he sees Cody doing something like cooking and junk. At first, he would ask if Cody needs help, but eventually he just does stuff with Cody without asking first. They get into a grove, chat, and be done with cleaning or fixing something very quickly.

Danny would start to make fudge, to, and give it to Cody as a gift. He would even tinker around and make machines to gift to Cody, like a mini telescope, a compass that looks old but is too advanced for any government to use, and various other items.

I want to say more, but I’m going to cap it off here. The want to speak is dwarfed by my want to show it all in the story.

Thanks for the ask! <3

Update there is now a fic!

[equestrianequivalent]

QuintSum has been finished. What now?

Yes, you read that right. I've finished the first draft of QuintSum. I'm done. I told you, I said I would be, and I finally am! So, what now?

Well, the short answer is that I'm going to release it all on Ao3, but there's a few things to discuss related to that process, because that won't be done in a day either.

How will you release the fic?

These will be the 8 arcs that are currently NOT on Ao3, and a rerelease of the first 4 arcs and finally releasing the last chapter of Goldenhills (29). This is how this will work in more detail:

Currently, I have reuploaded chapters 1-18. The next batch, as you can see above (at the time of writing), is 19-24. Then we will simply follow suit. All in all, it will be 18 individual releases, with 15 yet to come.

First things first:

Chapters 1-28 will be rereleased. Chapter 29 will be uploaded. This will happen first. I will not announce when the chapters are being rereleased, but once I have uploaded chapter 29, which I will announce, you can be sure that the rest of the fic is up to date.

ALSO, IMPORTANT: Remember how I said that you wouldn't need to reread the reuploaded chapters? I lied. You should probably reread the fic. Just saying. I have changed way more than I ever could've predicted that I would, and it shows. You're probably not going to understand a Solid amount of basic knowledge the characters hold at certain points, nevertheless what each character is thinking and why, especially not how we got to this point, if you don't reread the first 28 chapters. But also I'm not your mom you can do whatever you want.

After this, we will go 1-3 releases Per Arc. Most arcs will be released in two halves, as you can in the screenshot above. The short explanation is that this means there will be less releases with more chapters. (And don't let the low chapter count fool you, the wordcount goes haywire sooner than you think.) There is 135 chapters in total, it would take me over a year to upload this entire thing even if I released two chapters per week. And I don't want to do that. Therefore, I will release them per arc, which is a collection of chapters about the same part of the story, pretty much. Those releases will look as follows:

Arc 5: Chapters 30-35. (One release)

Arc 6: Chapters 36-51. (Two releases)

Arc 7: Chapters 52-59. (One release) (<- Most subject to change, this bitch is a complete mess in terms of chapter length already. Stay tuned to see how I deal with that I guess!)

Arc 8: Chapters 60-84. (Three releases)

Arc 9: Chapters 85-103. (Two releases)

Arc 10: Chapters 104-109. (One release)

Arc 11: Chapters 110-116. (One release)

Arc 12: Chapters 117-135. (Two releases)

I cannot say when these will be uploaded, but this means that there will be 15 releases of chapters. This is how it's going to work on My end of things:

I will edit and finalize the chapters in each release, and then upload that entire batch on Ao3 together. This will take however long it may. I have no deadlines and no goals to hit. It'll be done when it's done. Then I will release a post announcing that this arc has been uploaded, with a link to the First chapter in that arc. This will repeat until we reach the last chapters. And then we're done. It is Way less complicated than it sounds, all you need to do, really, is remember that I will release things less consistently, but when I do release, believe me, you will have stuff to read.

How long is this fic?

135 chapters. And the wordcount of the first draft ended up at 280k words. It will probably be a little more on Ao3 because I always add stuff when I revise. So far I'm 100% on track to double the final draft, but don't hold me to that. I'm personally assuming it'll be somewhere between 350-450k words.

What is important to keep in mind?

The tags. The fucking tags. Please. PLEASE. Read the tags. I have consistently talked on my main about how the biggest goal of QuintSum has been to "make Elizabeth's death worth it". Third-party sources would agree that I have done just that. Deia is also written with pretty heavy anxiety at times, and considering that Deia takes from my own experiences with both anxiety and autism, I can't exactly promise that it won't hit close to home for some people. Other than that, you can expect pretty standard things from the game. And a few near-death experiences here and there. Nothing is explicit, you're not going to get any detailed descriptions for anything, I don't think. While the final version does contain third person narration and description now, we're not going that far with it, I promise.

I will also release a little arc summary with each new arc released, this will be in the post on tumblr, and in the chapter summary of the first chapter of each arc. I will say tho, remember that I rate this story T, that rating speaks louder than Most of the tags. The tags aren't lying, but the severity of it is dictated more than anything by the rating.

Anything else?

Tell @jorvikzelda that you love them because they're the entire reason that I started, nevertheless finished this fuckass fic of mine. Stay tuned for the release, boys, we fucking made it.

(If you want some sporadic updates because I can't shut up, I'm always yappin over at @shiroselia and otherwise you can find me at Ao3 as per usual)

Cheers!

[h3lfaerie]

Update <3

I have spent the majority of these past few weeks doing some light editing and polishing Path of Alfheim. I am so sorry to pull this, but English is legitimately not my first language.

I'm an actor by profession and while I am confident in my ability to use literary devices I do sometimes stutter with the occasional context piece being weird or some confusing phrase. Seeing as I started this fanfiction on a whim, and now I'm being quite thorough with the world-building and direction, I figured I should dust off some rickety bits that might have slipped through in the process.

I broaden my vocabulary and knowledge of the English language every day. Especially in terms of what would be used in a more Fantasy-esk, Viking-y setting. (I'm reading Shadow of the Gods by John Gwynne right now) Everything from the dialogue to the sort of "technology" they'd have, to their customs and beliefs - it's all inspired by Norse religion. I want to know the correct terminology and idioms to create an immersive story.

For those of you that take the time to follow this Tumblr Page, thank you. I really don't get to make announcements like this on AO3. I have used as much of the beginning and end notes' options as I can without it being an eyesore, I hope.

In other words, I am constantly working on Path of Alfheim.

The chapters are getting broader and more complex because the story I have planned out is genuinely long. And I wanted to pop in to say to you all, worry not, we're still brewing. Even if the chapters are a bit far out in-between.

If you do take the time to skim through earlier chapters (I have edited one through to four so far, currently working on chapter five), you may see it flows a bit better with more structurally sound sentences. I have not changed anything about the plot. I have simply rephrased and polished bits and pieces in a way I think sounds better.

I am super excited to post Chapter 8 hopefully in the next week or two. Cause I'm researching a ton of Viking politics- 👀

As always, thank you, you wonderful people, for enjoying my writing. ❤️

[knickknacksandallthat]

sorry to bother but do you have a plan of when part 4 will come out

ofc it’s perfectly fine if you’re not ready, from the looks of it this is a really big project

Hi anon!!

Oh my goodness, no it's no bother at all! Honestly, I would much rather be talking about fic writing than doing boring things like making a living (which consumed MY LIFE last week).

Ha! And you said it - this fic series has definitely been all-consuming. But I really love this particular AU, so let me tell you I've been working on it non-stop whenever I have time and have the following figured out so far:

My outline currently has the next fic at 12 chapters, though I have a sneaky suspicion that it'll become longer.

I have 53K written so far (but that's before editing😅).

It will have alternating POVs between Jean and Jeremy.

I wish I could give you a better sense of timing, but honestly it all comes down to my work schedule and what free time I have. At this point, I feel like I'm aiming toward April - but don't quote me.

And because I haven't posted something about Once in a Blue Moon on here for a while, here's a new snippet to chew over while I keep hustling as a thank you for your patience! 🥹

OIAB scene under the cut:

The LA airport is hot and muggy. It makes sweat bead down Jean’s neck and uncomfortably gather beneath his collar. Though he wears the lightest long-sleeve shirt he owns, the material still feels constricted and stifling, sticking to his skin. He has the insane urge to tear the garment off him and walk around bare-chested just to feel some relief.  Of course, he would never do so. In fact, the mere thought of it makes him pull his sleeves down farther, covering the backs of scar-ridden hands.  At least his head is cool.  He runs a hand over his buzzed scalp once more, the fuzzy feel of it still odd to him. Abby had suggested it so they could see his stitches better. And since so much of his hair had been pulled out anyway, it seemed to make sense.  Still, he hates how foreign the feeling is. He’s a stranger in his own skin. Has been, for some time he thinks.  He glances up anxiously at the clock on the wall, his knee bouncing as he waits. His flight landed ten minutes ago, and he thought his captain would be waiting here to greet him.  Apparently, he thought wrong.  Laughter erupts from behind him, and Jean jumps. He immediately spins around, only to find a family standing nearby, laughing at the antics of their two-year-old. He watches them for a moment before slowly turning back, clasping his hands in front of him and clutching them tight. Anxiety slowly begins to creep under his skin. Had he gotten the day wrong? Or the time? Did something happen between Palmetto and here that caused a delay? Should he call someone to ask?  He opens his phone and looks through the few contacts on his list.  Abby Winfield David Wymack Jeremy Knox Kevin Day Renee Walker Jean scowls.  His preference would likely be Abby or Renee, though he thinks the latter would have no information useful for this. Wymack, he would tolerate. He skims over the fourth name on the list because he’s never thinking of that fucker again in his entire life, if he can help it. Then he stares at the fifth name, the contact information for him uploaded without his knowledge into this new phone Abby got him. Jeremy Knox.  Starting Trojans Striker. #11. Played 52 games last season, scored 41 goals, and had 36 assists. Captain of the USC Trojans for three years straight. Fifth-best striker in the NCAA.  (Fourth, now that Riko is gone.)  Weaknesses: favors left side for goals, left knee injury in his sophomore year of high school, and overly attached to wellbeing of teammates. Jean scowls again.  If Knox is anything like the person who recommended him, he’s bound to be both a waste of Jean’s time and breath. After all, he can certainly strike punctual off the list.

Thanks again for the ask, anon!

[jasntodds]

Caving In [9]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 12,892

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, fluff, canon typical things, canon violence, it’s not explicitly said how jason knows about deathstroke so in my fic it’s public knowledge that aqualad was killed by deathstroke, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, a little bit of angst

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: So, I did some math and figured out I’m almost done writing this?????? I have a backlog of chapters written, just not edited so that’s kind of insane lol I’m very excited about it because I have so many more plans!! This chapter picks up with season 2 episode 2!! I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Over the next month, a routine develops for Gar and you. A few days of the week, Gar finds himself hiding out in your room. You were right, Dick, Jason, and Rachel don’t tend to bother him when he’s in your room. And you actually did make a sign that reads ‘keep out, ☠️’ and hung it on your door. It’s double-sided so the other side just says your name. You flip it around when Gar comes to escape and he finds it equally fun and sweet.

At first, you’d watch a movie or two and talk about whatever was bothering Gar. He’s gotten better at talking about it and it’s been a lot of him talking about Caulder House and his own nightmares of the day with Trigon’s bullshit. You didn’t know he had nightmares, too and you wonder how he hides it so fucking well. You’re not nearly as good at it as he is and you worry about him. You never want Gar to turn as bitter and calloused as you are about the world. He’s too good.

But, after the month, the talking and movies turned into something more comfortable. Gar will bring in one of his video game consoles. You will play with him sometimes but other times, you just like to watch. Gar likes Resident Evil and that’s a game you definitely prefer to watch. And Gar has his own collection of comics. You turned them down at first with not being a huge fan of reading, but after reading over Gar’s shoulder a few times, you got into The Walking Dead comics. Apparently, reading comics is a lot easier than reading a book. So, now it’s turned into Gar playing video games and you sitting with your legs on his lap, reading one of his comics in a comfortable silence, a joke here and there thrown around.

Training has also been going well for you. Your hands have healed and so have the rest of your injuries. You keep up well with Gar and Rachel now, the extra training sessions with Jason and Gar have helped significantly. And you’ve picked up knife throwing again, something you learned back in Gotham from one of the street kids you used to run with. You’re rusty and not a sharpshooter by any means, but it’s something. It eases some of the tension you feel in your shoulders.

When you can feel yourself wanting to lose it again because something brings back too many memories, you take Jason up on his offer to let you take it out on him. You’ll go for an extra sparring session sometimes, just the two of you and Jason helps you work through it without talking about it. It always makes you feel better and if you’re being honest, you really like the support system you have with the two boys. It’s something you never thought you’d have after your mom died but every day you’re so grateful for the two of them and even for Dick because he brought you here. That’s something you have no idea how you’ll ever be able to thank him for.

It’s a morning session now though and you’re in the training room with Gar and Jason while Rachel and Dick are out getting coffee. Dick has this bright idea to start blindfolding all of you to train because you can lose any of your senses at any time and you need to be prepared. Jason, of course, is really taking that to the next level by making Gar not have a blindfold while he does and making you sit out.

“Why do I have to sit out for this?” You fake-whine from one of the benches while Jason ties his blindfold behind his head and Gar stands in front of him looking bored.

“Because you have that combat shit. It defeats the purpose.” Jason snips back.

“Well, I don’t have to be blindfolded.” You mock him.

“Just shut up and watch us. Take some notes, you fucking need it.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Jay.” You groan, leaning back.

“When I give the word, come at me.” Jason says to Gar, holding his wooden sword out, ready to fight. “And don’t hold back.” He says, you rolling your eyes into the back of your head. Gar nods, looking bored and displeased with doing this. “Did you just nod?”

“Yeah, got it. Just, uh, don’t hold back.” Gar makes a jittered movement as if to be mocking Jason, you almost snicker from behind.

“Don’t kill each other please.”  You mock.

“Shut up, Y/n!” Jason groans, tilting his head back. He takes a second to breathe as he gets into position. “Go!” Jason yells.

Jason swings the sword at Gar, but Gar just hits it out of the way while Jason’s sword is an inch from his face. Gar’s eyes widen a bit in shock and amazed, looking back at you. You make the same expression, humming in response. Gar pushes the sword from his face taking a step forward with a swing at Jason, only for Jason to move out of the way in time and jabs his sword across the front of Gar’s chest. Gar waves a hand in front of Jason’s face, making sure he can’t see anything. Gar gives you a questionable look and all you can do is shrug your shoulder just as confused as he is. Surely, Jason has to be able to see him because this is just weird. Jason talks about your combat clairvoyance, maybe he needs to look in the mirror. Jason pulls his sword back, Gar takes a step back and then the real sparring begins.

Jason and Gar move around the mat, blocking each other quickly. It’s definitely a sight to see because Jason might as well not be wearing a blindfold. Gar can’t get a single hit in and barely dodges Jason’s jabs. It’s as if they’re doing this perfectly choreographed dance. It’s equally entertaining, impressive, and attractive. The two boys sparing is always a big heart-eye moment for you. But, somewhere along the way, Jason seems to have lost track of his rhythm, completely flipping away from Gar, giving Gar the perfect opportunity to bonk Jason on the head with his sword. You start laughing while Jason rips his blindfold off, spinning around to face Gar.

“Hey, fuck man.” Jason gasps at Gar, clearly annoyed.

“You said don’t hold back.” Gar defends, you getting up from your bench to join the boys.

“What were you doing? I was fucking blindfolded!” Jason yells.

“You told him to do it!” You defend Gar. “He just tapped you on the head, chill the fuck out.” You can’t believe he’s actually mad about this. It was his idea to not have Gar wear a blindfold.

“Stay out of it!” Jason snaps, turning his attention back to Gar.

“You said:” Gar starts before he, poorly, mimics Jason’s voice with the same jittered motion as before. “Don’t hold back.”

“Should I get the hose?” Rachel comes strolling in.

“What’s going on?” Dick asks, following right behind.

“Jason’s being a baby.” You quip, crossing your arms as you stand on the other side of Gar.

“Hey, fuck you!” Jason’s eyes nearly bug out of his head as he snaps at you, Gar moving to block Jason’s view of you. Jason leans further forward to see you. “You could have warned me! Or fucking helped instead of doing nothing!”

“You told me not to!” You scream at him. “You said no because I have the combat thing.” You mock his voice, with a grimace before Gar stands further in the way to block you from Jason. He’s not sure who he’s trying to block from the other really, Jason is beet red and you look like you might strangle him.

“Um, hello?” Dick states, waiting for one of you to answer his previous question.

“We did what you said,” Jason turns his attention Dick. “The blindfold thing then he went nuts on me.”

You groan loudly, putting your hands on your face in frustration.

“He said don’t hold back.” Gar repeats, this time his voice louder and higher pitched, the annoyance growing.

“Then why do we even learn to fight like this, man?” Jason argues, throwing his arms to the sides. “Hey, it’s idiotic.” He takes a step forward, pointing at his head with wide eyes, almost a crazed look in his eye. “We have eyes.”

“In battle, anything can be taken from you.” Dick’s voice is calm as he walks further onto the mat. “Your hands.” Dick says before quickly twisting Jason’s arm and grabbing the wooden sword from him, making it look effortless. He moves to Gar, quickly using the sword to strike at Gar, Gar blocking a few times before Dick gets the sword right between Gar’s feet, just missing him. “Your feet.” Dick swings the sword at you, the sword aimed just a few centimeters from hitting you right between the eyes. You take a step back, eyes widening and crossed as you look at the sword. He swings the sword at Rachel, doing the same gesture. “And your eyes.” He pauses before stepping back, and putting the sword down. “No matter what is taken, you must be able to keep fighting and win.” Dick faces the boys and you again. “Alright, get changed. Attack scenarios in the tech room in five minutes. Then breakfast.”

You, Gar, and Rachel don’t argue and instead, leave the training room without another word, leaving Jason behind with Dick. This is a pretty normal thing. When training doesn’t go exactly how Jason wants it to, which is normally that he doesn’t win all the time, he gets mad and blames everyone else for it. This time, it’s just that it was Gar who wasn’t blindfolded. It’s gotten a little worse over the last month, Gar and you are pretty sure he’s just stir-crazy from being at the tower and not having any real crime to fight. He’s probably bored of sparring with you and not being in Gotham so the two of you let it go easily.

“Why does Dick sound like Daniel Larusso?” You ask as the three of you head down the hallway.

Rachel lets out a chuckle. “He literally sounds like Mr. Miogi.”

“He says we watch too much TV, maybe he needs to stop watching the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai.” Gar laughs.

“Maybe he doesn’t know what to do so he’s looking to them for inspiration.” You jokes.

“Someone should tell him it doesn’t work like that.” Rachel adds in.

“Awww, but it’ll just break little Dicky’s heart.” You mock, placing your hands over your heart with a fake pout.

“Yeah, I’m looking to be on his shitlist.” Gar chortles as the three of you reach your rooms.

“He would never put you on his shitlist.” Rachel scoffs, Gar raising a brow at her.

“He’s taken you right on under his little batwing.” You add in.

You joke about Dick but over the last month he’s grown on you quite a bit. He’s really not so bad when you’re not making him mad. He’s kind of making it obvious that he really wants to make sure you’re all ready before he sends you out on some type of mission. He can also even be funny sometimes and partake in jokes. He’s even joined all of you for a movie night so he’s grown on you but you have to poke fun.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Gar questions, looking between you and Rachel.

Rachel and you look to each other from across the hall. You shrug. “Well, I think we mean he’s really nice to you and sees you as responsible.”

“Yeah,” Rachel nods in agreement. “You always do what he says, besides that one time.” Rachel looks to you.

“Which was my fault so Dick didn’t fault you and probably admires your ability to risk getting into trouble with him to protect me and Jason.” You explain. “And it was just sparring.”

“That’s not true.” Gar defends. “I don’t always listen to him.”

You and Rachel exchange another look. “When was the last time you didn’t do what he said?” Rachel asks.

Gar stands for a second, trying to remember the last time he didn’t listen to Dick and as he thinks about it, you both have a point. He does do what Dick says all the time, without even questioning him. It’s who he is though. He exactly like to disobey authority. Sneaking out behind the Chief's back was different, this is Dick. And, every time someone has went against what Dick has said, shit hits the fan so maybe Gar is onto something.

“Okay, that’s fair.” Gar chuckles, looking to the floor and back to the two of you.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Rachel reassures him. “We’ll never be in trouble.”

“It’s not that bad being on his shitlist.” You state. “But, yeah, it’s not a bad thing. It’s probably better to not have him mad, though it is very fucking funny sometimes.” You gain a sinister grin. 

“Okay, don’t listen to y/n.” Rachel rolls her eyes with a sigh. “It’s not funny and it’s best for everyone to not piss him off.”

“I haven’t pissed him off in like a whole week, that’s a record.” You hold your head up high, Gar chuckling under his breath.

“You are proud of that, aren’t you?” Gar asks.

“Kind of.” You giggle. “No, but really, Rachel is right. It is better not pissing him off, he’s kind of cool when he’s not mad.”

“Yeah, I’m not looking to make him mad anyway.” Gar shakes his head. “You and Jason have that handled.”

“They are very good at it.” Rachel mutters.

“Teamwork.” You grin.

“Okay, get changed.” Rachel cuts the conversation. “Otherwise he will be mad because we’ll be late.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You joke, walking into your room, Gar following your lead and heads into his room.

Later that night, the four of you found yourselves doing your own things. Gar and Jason made up while you found yourself in Rachel’s room. Rachel is sitting at her desk while you’re laying on Rachel’s bed, upside down with your head off the end of the bed, looking at Rachel. Usually, when the boys hang out, the two of you spend time together. You like to give Rachel shit for being Dick’s lap dog but you do like her and enjoy spending time with her. Rachel really likes having another girl around, the month she spent with boys was not the best. She loves them, besides Jason, but they’re a little much sometimes. Too much testosterone in one place for her liking.

“So, when do you think Dick will let us do something?” You ask, scrolling through your phone, keeping your head hanging off the end of the bed.

“Not you, too.” Rachel groans.

“What?” You question, moving your phone to get a better look at Rachel. Rachel just widens her eyes and raises her brows. “No, I mean, I’m just wondering. I’m not gonna go rogue again, I promise.” You roll your eyes, a smile coming to your lips.

“Mhm.” Rachel hums. “I don’t know. Do you really think we’re ready?”

“Oh, I mean I think I am.” You quip. “Ya know, given the track record.” You scoff. “Jason’s probably been ready in his entire life. You and Gar seem to be fine.”

“Yeah, but we don’t stand a chance against Dick even if it’s us four against him.”

“We could if he’d let us use our powers.” You wave your left hand at Rachel, your palm glowing green.

Rachel rolls her eyes. “I don’t have that kind of control, Y/n.”

“True,” You start, pulling yourself up and flipping around to lie on your stomach and face Rachel. “But, if he would let you use your powers maybe you’d gain some control.”

“That’s not how you did it, right?”

“No,” You scoff. “But, it’s probably different for you. You were born with them and your powers are clearly stronger than mine. Maybe not using them makes it worse.” You offer. “Your side.” Your words go hesitant.

Rachel’s eyes widen, surprise and a hint of panic consuming her face. “How did you--” 

“Don’t freak out, but I saw them when we were sparring. I didn’t tell anyone or anything.” Your voice is nonchalant but understanding.

“Thank you.” Rachel’s voice is soft. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Sure.” You shrug. “What’d you wanna talk about?”

Rachel gains a cheeky smirk and you can already tell where this is going. “So…about the boys.” Rachel’s smile splits her face.

You let out a dramatic sigh. “Yes, Rachel?”

“What’s going on?” Rachel laughs.

“Whatever do you mean?” You play dumb, an innocent smile playing on your lips.

You know Rachel isn’t oblivious. You tend to flirt with both of them and you are almost always with at least one of them. Over the last month, it’s just become a little more obvious.

“Come on.” Rachel laughs. “Do you like either of them?”

Rachel is curious, sure but she sees how you flirt with Jason. It’s different with him than it is with Gar, anyone could see that. Gar is Rachel’s friend and while she likes you, she is kind of worried that you’re playing a game with the two of them. If you hurt Jason, fine, he’ll probably deserve it but not Gar.

“Hmmm.” You hum. “Oh, yeah.” You nod quickly.

“Which one?!”

“Both.” You state as if it were obvious.

“Right, okay.” Rachel nods, trying to wrap her head around someone actually liking Jason. Gar she completely understands but Jason? “Both of them?”

“I know, you’re really trying to not gag at Jason.” You laugh. “He’s, ya know, a smartass and hot and shockingly funny.” You neglect to include every nice thing Jason has said to you and done for you, something you like to keep like a secret. “And Gar, well, I don’t think I need to explain Gar.”

“Okay, so what are you gonna do about it?” Rachel asks. “A love triangle.” Rachel has a teasing grin with her words.

You grimace. “Ewww, I hate love triangles.” You groan. “I know what you’re gonna say, but humor me and tell me what you think.”

“Well,” Rachel leans forward, resting her elbows on her thighs, hands holding her head. “Fuck Jason,” Rachel starts, getting an eyebrow raise and a devious grin from you. “Not literally, oh my gosh.” Rachel rolls her eyes as you chortle. “He’s an asshole to everyone, including you.” Rachel argues against Jason.

“Right, yeah, but he is also nice to me and I’m also kind of an asshole to him.” You defend with the scrunch of your nose.

“Yeah, but today, you didn’t even do anything and he was throwing a fit because you did what he asked.”

“Okay,” You nod tilting your head to the right. “That’s a fair point, actually. Continue.” You put your elbow to the bed, using one hand to hold your head up.

“He calls us freaks.”

“I think Jason thinks everyone is a freak though.” You state.

“Maybe, but it’s still hurtful.” Rachel argues.

“Doesn't really bother me." You shrug casually. "Also, fair though.” You nod in agreement.

“He didn’t stop you from going to Jerry’s which was a bad thing, Y/n.” Rachel points a finger at you, disapproval on her face.

“But he didn’t let me go alone, Rachel.” You mimic her actions.

“But, but,” Rachel starts. “Gar would have tried to stop you and went with you if you were still insistent on it.”

“Wait, how did you know Jason didn’t try to stop me?" You furrow your brows, putting your hand back down.

“No one believes he tried to stop you.” Rachel laughs.

“Alright, you’ve got me there.” You state. “But, you have to give me one pro to Jason otherwise it sounds too biased.”

Rachel pauses trying to think of something good to say about Jason. She actually didn’t hate him originally. She kind of liked him actually but after the whole Trigon situation, he’s been pretty nasty to her. They can get along and be civil of course, but when Jason’s mad, Rachel tends to be the person he’s the most mean to and Rachel has grown to think he’s too entitled and too arrogant. Neither of them have actually bothered to have a conversation about any of it or figure out how they can get along better.

“I am biased.” Rachel laughs, not able to come up with anything. “He’s just so,” Rachel grimaces. “He hates me for no reason.”

“I meeeaaannnn….” You wince.

“What? Did he say something?” Rachel leans forward and if you know something, she is all ears.

“No, but it’s not that hard to figure out from where I’m sitting.” Your eyes go a little wide and you’re surprised Rachel hasn't figured it out.

“Well, tell me! I don’t like that he hates me.”

You pause and for a second you debate saying anything. It's not really your place. But, Jason also hasn't told you why he hates Rachel. This is just you putting all of the pieces together. Rachel is your friend anyway and it would be a lot easier if the two of them got along so, you decide to tell Rachel what you think.

“Okay, from where I’m sitting, it seems like he hates you and thinks you’re a freak because he was possessed, right? Seems like the issues that surround you guys is because of that night, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Gar is a bit…wishy-washy about Dick. He listens to him maybe a little too much sometimes. He’s protective of you, sure, but he’s a different kind of protective when it comes to you. Jason….hates you. I’m just saying, all of you have that night in common, right?” You ask and Rachel nod. “And how was Jason when you first met him?”

“Fine, he was…Jason.” Rachel laughs softly. “Cocky, charming in his weird way, a bit braggy about Robin but kind of funny.”

“Okay and he was chill with you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what happened between Chicago and Trigon?”

“He helped Dick with something and Dick sent him back to Gotham. He showed up at my mom’s with Dawn and Hank, Trigon was there already.” Rachel explains plainly.

“Mhm, and you and Gar were?” You gesture a palm out, moving it in front of you.

“Trying to escape.” Rachel furrows her brows, still completely following.

“Okay, so follow me: Jason gets sent to help Dick by Bruce because Jason is following in Dick’s footsteps as the new Robin. He’s a shiny new Gotham toy. He helps Dick just long enough for Dick to not be interested in getting to know the kid who’s taking over for him because Dick quit and sends him back to Gotham but Dick keeps you and Gar around, right? Two kids he, otherwise, has no relation to. At least Dick and Jason were taken in by Bruce and have Robin in common so they are, actually, like brothers. But, you’re just some kid who found Dick and Dick decided that was good enough for him to bring you under his wing and then Gar got to tag along and neither of you were sent back to where you came from, just Jason despite Jason offering his help.” You explain, speaking with your hands.

“Right, okay.” Rachel nods along.

“So, fast forward, and Jason shows up to help again. Only this time, instead of helping he gets possessed and starts trying to kill his best friend. He nearly beats his best friend to death because this random ass girl Dick plucked off the streets has a demon dad. THEN, because none of that was enough, none of that was good enough for Bruce and Bruce sent him here to be with, the older brother who didn’t want him in the first place and he gets to be with the person who his brother chose over him and got him possessed.” You finish your explanation.

“Uh…” Rachel pauses, blinking slowly trying to process everything. “I…I didn’t think about any of that. How did you even figure that out?” Rachel knows you and Jason are close but she didn't expect you to have this long explanation that seems to make sense.

“Yeah, I mean I get it. It happened to you, too. You were front and center. It’s not always easy seeing that kind of stuff when you’re in it. But, that’s just what I can gather from it. Jason seems to be someone who needs attention and just wants to know he’s doing a good job.” You sway your head back and forth slightly. "Gar's talked about it and Jason mentioned it which, when Jason mentions something like that, I think it bothers him at least a little bit."

“Okay, so what should I do? I really don’t want to hate him and fight with him all the time.”

“You could talk to him.” You state as if it's the most obvious answer in the world.

“Because that’ll go over so well.” Rachel mutters.

“No, you let him just talk his shit. Go on his little rant and swear fest that he does. He’ll call you a freak. He’ll just rant for like five minutes or whatever and then you apologize. Even if you don’t want to, you apologize to him and then he’ll feel obligated to apologize to you and then you can have a conversation about it. You just have to let him blow his steam.”

“You really get him, don’t you?”

“Trauma bonding will do that.” You chuckle. “As I said, sometimes being an outsider is easier. I didn’t know all that bullshit or what happened before. Plus, we do have Gotham in common.”

“So, I should just talk to him.”

“Yep. It really is that simple with him.” You let out a sigh as you nod. "He is not that complicated."

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Rachel leans back in her chair. “Okay, I have something good to say.” Rachel states and you gesture a hand out, encouraging her to proceed. “He talks to you and he’s honest with you. And if he talks to you, I think that means he understands you like you do him. So, that's three for Jason.” Rachel gives you a proud smile.

You laugh “Yeah, he is and he does understand, actually.” You nod softly. “You may pitch your case for Gar now if you want.”

“For starters, he is cute!” Rachel squeals without missing a beat. “His green hair,”

“Looks so good on him!” You mimic the squeal.

“Yeah! And he is so protective and kind, to everyone even people who aren’t so great. He’s open and brave.” Rachel’s face softens. “He seems to make you feel comfortable.”

The corner of your mouth twitches into a soft smile. “Yeah, he smells like strawberries.” You laugh softly. “He does make me feel really comfortable, and safe. I feel like I don’t have to worry about anything. Um…one of my first nights, I had a nightmare and I thought Jerry was in the tower. He held my hand and searched the tower with me, knowing Jerry wasn’t around but he never made it weird or made me feel bad about it. He just…did it.”

There’s a warm smile that comes to Rachel’s face. “Hey, Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“I think you have an answer.” Rachel laughs softly. “If you really wanna go for Jason, that’s fine. I will never get it but if it makes you happy, I get it. But, you didn’t have that kind of thing to say about Jason and you got all soft about Gar.”

You pause because you do have similar stories to say about Jason. Jason still reads to you and he still lets you take out your aggression and feelings on him without ever questioning it. He was there through you beating up Jerry in the best way he could have been but you can’t tell Rachel that. You know Jason doesn’t want to be seen as soft for anyone, not with his friends anyway, and those things feel like little secrets between you. They’re like little passwords into your friendship that only you two have. It’s your things. Just yours and you’d really like to keep it that way. So, you have to shrug and nod along. You do really like Gar, you aren’t arguing that anyway. But, you do wish Rachel could see the Jason Todd you are so fond of. It’s not fair that Jason doesn’t even have a fair shot in a conversation like this. He deserves some type of fairness.

“I don’t know if I should do anything about it anyway.” You let out a sigh of defeat.

“What? Why though? You like them and it’s pretty obvious they like you, too.”

You shake your head. “I like how it is. If I decide to tell either of them I like them and something comes of that, it might ruin stuff with the other one and I don’t wanna ruin anything. I think the both of them have had too much ruined in their lives.”

Rachel shakes her head. “If you want to go for Gar, you should talk to Jason first. All jokes aside, I see how he looks at you and I see how he treats you when you guys think no one is looking. I don’t actually think you liking Gar will ruin it.”

Your brows furrow with Rachel's comment. The way Jason looks at you? You didn't think Jason really looked at you any kind of way. But, it's interesting because Jason is still relatively guarded. Easy to figure out when it comes to the trauma and figuring out why he is the way he is but everything else, he has this ten-story wall up. He'd probably combust if he knew Rachel saw him looking at you in any kind of way. But, it's something that warms your heart and makes you smile.

“You think so?” You ask, your face soft.

“Completely unbiased and actually thinking decently of Jason, yes.” Rachel gives you a reassuring nod. “Do you like Gar more though?”

Your cheeks start to burn. “I don’t know. I think so because it’s just…different with him. It doesn’t feel like a game with him.” You scoff. “I am endlessly afraid I’ll ruin him though.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel’s voice goes sad.

“He’s been through so much and so have I but he finds it in himself to be there for everyone, all the time. He seems to be accepting of everything that’s happened to him and I’m so afraid that I’ll never be that and I’ll just….ruin him with my pessimism and bitterness.” Your eyes go sad with the last statement.

Rachel wheels her chair over to you. “You can’t ruin him. He’s Gar.” Rachel gives you a soft smile. “He’s a lot stronger than you think. I think he’d do anything for you.” Rachel puts her hand over yours. “I saw the way he stepped between you and Jason today. He knows you can handle yourself but he did it anyway, I don’t even think he noticed that he did. You won’t ruin him.”

“Thanks, Rachel.”

“You guys would also just be super cute.” Rachel gosh.

“Oh my gosh.” You hang your head with a laugh.

You feel a little better getting to talk about it with Rachel. You would never bring it up on your own. Talking about your romantic feelings is not something you like to drown people with. And you feel bad for liking both boys. It’s not your fault, but there’s a guilt that echoes in your stomach when you think too long about it. Talking to Rachel though, helped.

You adore Jason. You adore who he is when no one else is around. But, maybe that’s the thing. Jason is different people around different people. You don’t know if he’d ever be able to be the person who he is in private with you publicly. You don’t want to play a guessing game with him. It’s too much for you, right now. But, with Gar, Gar is just who he is. Sure, he censors himself sometimes but everyone knows exactly how Gar feels about everything and knows what he likes and what he doesn’t. He’s transparent. He is comfortable in the best sense of the word. He makes you so happy and he never makes you mad. He makes your stomach twist with knots and bubbles. You swear you could never stay sad as long as you’re around Gar.

But, despite what Rachel said, it scares you that maybe your trauma could be the straw that breaks him. People can only take so much and he’s been through it all. What happens if dealing with all your shit, in a romantic way, breaks him? You would never forgive yourself for it.

A knock sounds on Rachel’s door, Rachel telling them to come in. And speaking of Gar, he walks in with two plates containing a slice of pizza on each plate. He’s all smiles as he walks in.

“I thought you guys might be hungry.” Gar offers the plates out to the two of you.

“Thanks, Gar.” You take one of the plates from him and this is a perfect example of why you like him. Always so caring and attentive to other people.

Rachel takes the other plate. “Thanks.” Rachel offers him a smile.

You take a bite and wince, Rachel eyeing you and then her own slice of pizza. You chew slowly, giving Rachel a thumbs up while Gar holds back a laugh. Rachel’s eyes narrow slightly as she takes a bite. Immediately, Rachel winces, pausing her chewing and you let out a laugh as you choke down your bite.

“It’s so bad.” You laugh.

“Who made this?” Rachel asks before spitting out the piece into the trash.

“Dick did.” Gar explains, laughing with you both. “The crust is made out of cauliflower.”

“Gross.” You grimace.

“Why would somebody do that?” Gar asks, the laughing subsiding as if he’s grieving for the pizza that could have been.

“If we hate eating, then we have more time to train.” Rachel says.

“Because he’s losing his mind.” You’re still grimacing about the pizza. The pizza never did anything to Dick and yet, he did this.

“Okay, so it’s not just me. He’s totally obsessed, right?”

“Like I said, Daniel Larusso.” You state.

"He just wants to make sure we're ready." Rachel sighs.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Gar chuckles softly. “What’re you guys doing anyway?”

“Talking shit.” You wink at him, Gar’s posture stiffening and you do love making him squirm.

“Just talking.” Rachel laughs softly.

Gar nods slowly. “Right, okay.” He clears his throat. “Movie night?” Gar asks.

You look to Rachel, a cheeky smile on display. “I’m always down for a movie night. Rachel?”

“Of course, we can make some popcorn since the pizza is a bust.” She laughs softly.

The three of you head to the living room, you and Rachel tossing your pizza slices into the trash in the kitchen before joining Gar in the living room. When you get to the couch, Jason and Dick are watching the TV, eyes glued to the screen. You sit next to Gar, following his stare on the screen while Rachel sits on the ottoman.

A police chase ensues on screen, Dick almost blocking the entire TV as he stands watching with his arms crossed like a dad in his fifties.

"We're live at a downtown car chase featuring a stolen vehicle. Police now seem to have the suspect cornered." One of the news reporters says as footage from the top of a parking garage shows a black car surrounded by cop cars.

As all of you watch from the tower, a girl with grey hair gets out of the car and without hesitation, starts beating up the cops. You watch in a state of awe and shock. Whoever that person is, they are very ballsy. Jason leans his elbows on his knees, getting this cheeky half-cocked smirk as he watches.

"Who the hell is that?" Rachel asks.

"Someone who has no self-preservation." You mutter.

"A total badass." Jason gawks at the screen.

Your heart sinks a bit with the comment. Other people can be a badass, that's not it. It's the way he's looking at the screen. His eyes are wide and he's in such a state of awe, it reminds you of the look he gave you after you beat up Jerry, after the initial shock of it. He's got a thing for violence, clearly and maybe it hurts a little but you will never admit that. Instead, you keep watching as the girl continues to beat up the cops, taking down every one of them who comes at her.

"The suspect does appear to be female. She's got silver hair. She does seem to be injured. We're not sure how badly." The news reporter says as the girl looks directly at the camera from the helicopter, her eye left covered with bloody gauze.

She is very pretty.

"Wait for it. We're not sure where she thinks she's going." The news reporter says as the girl runs to the car she 'stole' and leaps off the building.

Your jaw nearly drops as you watch. On second thought, Jason might have a point. That's pretty badass. Who just jumps off a parking garage? She's either crazy or knows something no one else does. It's impressive. Gar looks worried about the girl though and Rachel just looks shocked. Jason, on the other hand, is almost matching the expression on your face but with a bit more awe and infatuation.

"I'll be back." Dick says without looking back and just walks right to the elevator.

"Okay, what the fuck did we just witness?" You ask, looking around the room.

"Someone scared for their life, probably." Rachel says softly.

"A badass kicking cops' asses! It was awesome." Jason cheers.

"I'm with Rachel." Gar adds. "She didn't look badass, she looks scared." Gar glares at Jason.

"It was still awesome." Jason defends.

"Think Dick is going to find her?" You question, ignoring the back and forth between the other three.

Without a second thought, Gar closes his eyes and nods while Rachel and Jason say yes in unison.

"He has a thing for strays." Gar says quietly.

"Noticed." You laugh softly as you look down to your lap, a somber expression coming to your face.

"You guys still down for the movie?" Jason changes subject, sitting back in his seat. Rachel is the only one who catches the look Jason gives you. It's subtle, but his eyes linger on you just a second too long and his jaw clenches just slightly while his eyes soften just a little.

You shrug. "Might as well."

Gar and Rachel agree, Rachel moving to sit on the other side of you. It's Gar's turn to pick a movie. He chooses Back To The Future, a true classic. The three of you sit back and start to enjoy the movie together. You think about if Dick finds this girl. Will it change the dynamic? You’re actually really comfortable here and you enjoy where your friends are with everyone. If Dick brings someone else in, will that change? Of course, you knew you wouldn't be the last stray Dick brought home but it's weird with the potential to not be the new person.

Just as the movie ends, the elevator brings Dick up. The four of you all rush over to see if he found the girl who leaped from a parking garage. All four of you stand and watch the doors open, Dick carrying the girl who's unconscious. Gar, Jason, and Rachel jump into action to help but you step aside. It's not that he found her and you’re worried about the situation. It's that you wonder if this is what it was like when Dick brought you back. Everyone comes to see the new person, wonders if she's okay, who she is, and where she came from. What she is. It feels too real and it brings back every bad thought you had prior to being in the tower.

It feels too exposed and you remember how terrifying it was that first day. Surrounded by new people you didn't know if you could trust but having nowhere else to go. That, in and of itself, was also traumatizing even though it worked out for the best and you love it here. It was just scary so you stand back as Dick asks to Gar to come with him since Gar has some experience with injuries from staying at Caulder House.

"Hey, you okay?" Rachel asks seeing your distant expression.

"Huh?" You shake your head, almost not catching Rachel talking. "Sorry, yeah." You nod quickly.

"What? Scared you're gonna be replaced or something?" Jason jokes. His tone is his usual sarcastic, airy tone he uses when he's just trying to mess around. Not even a flirt, just joking but it strikes a nerve a little.

"Fuck you, Jason." You bark at him.

Rachel's even taken aback by the remark. This is what the two of you do and you’re the only one that fires back. Rachel expected you to say something about Jason being replaced but that's not it. And Jason is completely shocked, almost frozen in place. He was just joking and he knows you know that.

"Okay, fuck you." Jason snips. "It was a fucking joke."

"Well, maybe I'm not in a fucking joking mood, dude." You roll your eyes before storming off towards your room.

Jason stands for a second, looking at Rachel for help. "Did you guys have a fight or something?" Rachel asks, thinking you didn't because surely you would have mentioned that when you were weighing the pros and cons of the boys.

"Not that I know off." Jason scoffs. "Did you?" Jason's voice turns accusatory.

"What? No!" Rachel defends. "She was fine when we were hanging out."

Jason sucks in a breath. "Alright then." He shrugs, trying to play it off as if it's not bothering him but Rachel can see through it. Gar is helping Dick anyway.

"Just go talk to her." Rachel rolls her eyes, her words reluctant.

She's rooting for you and Gar. You're softer and cuter. Rachel, as your friend, is worried that if you decide you like Jason more and want to see where that goes, it won't end anywhere but in shambles. It's more than just Rachel and Jason not getting along. It's that Jason is a walking fuckboy. He's the dangerous rebel parents warn their teenagers not to date because they'll get in trouble and get their hearts broken. Maybe Rachel thinks too little of Jason but with Gar, she's sure Gar wouldn't hurt you, ever. But, you’re her friend and Jason at least understands you better than anyone. She isn't going to get in the way of that.

"You're her friend." Jason holds his head up, as if trying not to let on how he's definitely going to your room when Rachel leaves.

"So are you?" Rachel narrows her eyes at him. "I'm gonna go to my room and wait for Gar to be done, you talk to Y/n." Rachel nods once at him before turning and heading towards her own room.

Jason waits until Rachel's door closes and then he goes straight to your room. He thinks he's coy but he's almost as transparent as Gar is. Jason isn't subtle even when he's trying to be. Rachel isn't blind. She sees the way he watches you. Both of the boys do. Rachel has caught Dick nearly choking and grimacing at the three of you with your flirty jokes. But, to Jason, it's like he exists in a tinted bubble where no one can see any of it.

"Come in." You call out as you’re laid on your back on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

Jason opens the door, walking in and shutting the door behind him slowly. "How did you--"

"I heard Rachel shut her door, figured you were behind her." You don't look at him, just keep your stare on the ceiling.

"Alright, well what the fuck was that out there? I was just fucking with you like always." Jason huffs, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"It was just weird." You mutter.

Jason walks to the foot of your bed before plopping beside you, laying in the same position. His arm brushes yours as he turns his head to look at you and then back at the ceiling. The ceiling is white and boring, a stark contrast to the decorating you’ve done to your room. There are sketches across the walls you did with Dick's permission. Movie posts for some of your favorite movies are hanging sporadically on the walls. Your shelves have Funko Pops from some of your favorite shows. A few snacks sit on your nightstand. The room is yours, it's a home within a home but the ceiling is a sterile white, cold compared to the rest of your room.

"Like..." You pause. "Is that what it was like when he brought me back?" You ask, looking at Jason.

Jason looks back at you, your eyes about as welcoming as a hurricane. "Yeah." He answers honestly. "It was weird. You looked dead, though." Jason looks away from you, not able to hold eye contact.

It was weird when Dick brought you back, worse than weird. Dick went out to run an errand and then when he came back, he had a burn and you who literally looked dead. You were covered in bruises and cuts. You were limp and lifeless, without even knowing you, Jason is positive it broke everyone's hearts to see you. It didn't matter if you had powers or if you could fight, you needed help. It was one of the moments since Bruce sent him to train with Dick that he really viewed Dick in a different light, kind of like a hero without the mask (not that he will ever admit that). He just helped this random girl off the streets despite the fact you burned him. It was different. It was sad and scary.

"Gee, thanks, Jay." You roll your eyes, looking back to the ceiling.

Jason sighs, sitting up and turning to lean on his elbow, looking at you. "Look, I'm saying it was fucking freaky when he brought you here because you were really hurt." Jason explains and you catch a hint of sadness in his eyes. "And fucked up." Jason adds in. "He asked for Gar's help then, too. You know the rest, I guess. Gar wouldn't tell us what was going on with you."

"Why?" You ask.

Jason wrinkles his face. "Because you were fucked up."

"Fair." You nod before you let out a sigh. "I just hope she's okay, ya know?" You say. "It's like...seeing it just felt so fucking weird but I hope whatever happened wasn't too traumatizing. It made me....mad again. I haven't been mad like that since Jerry."

Jason nods with understanding. Seeing you like that, it was worrisome. You’ve got a fire and that’s why Jason finds you fun but, it’s how it went. It doesn’t matter that Jerry deserved it and you deserved to get revenge. You didn’t feel better afterwards because it didn’t erase what happened. And Jason doesn’t want you to ever feel that way again. He was the only one that was there for it.

"Wanna work it out?" He gains a smirk.

You decide to challenge him now. He came to check on you and just that bit of talking did make you feel a little better. It's not about being replaced. You know Dick won't replace any of you. It's just a bit triggering being on the other side of it this time. But talking with Jason helps.

"Work it out how?" You match his position, making your faces closer.

Jason's voice hitches in his throat. "However you want, babe."

The term babe is something he's grown accustomed to using when he's messing with you. To you, that's all it is. He's using it to get under your skin because it works. He gains this cheeky, taunting grin of accomplishment every single time he says it because you squirm in your seat. Your heart always skips a beat with the pet name. It's always this mix of wanting him to shut the fuck up and wanting to hear it in a way that's not him just messing with you, but like he means it. And you never know what to do about it.

"Shut up." You roll your eyes, pulling away. "You know what I mean, shithead."

"I call you babe, you call me shithead, huh?" Jason chortles, tilting his head to the right.

"If the shoe fits, BaBe." You mock, leaning in again, eyes wide and you see it for the first time.

Jason squirms and suddenly, you completely understands why he calls you it. It's the way his face brightened but his eyes shot open like a deer in headlights. It's the way he jerked his head back and you could visibly see him hold his breath for a second. It's a little funny and it's really cute.

"No, you can't use my thing against me!" Jason yells, a smile tugging at his lips with burning cheeks.

"Hmm, too late." You give him a confident smile before sitting all the way up.

He's fun. He's fun to mess with but you’re not sure if there's anything more than there. You aren't sure if you like him because he's hot and because he's fun or if there's something below the surface. He is this unknown iceberg that you’re trying to navigate around in the dark. There is always more than what's on the surface but you can't see how much. You can't tell if what you do goes more than a foot under the water or if it's nearly touching the ocean floor. The only way to know is to dive in, following the rugged surface as far as you can, risk drowning. Maybe some risks aren't worth taking.

"Get changed, meet you in the training room in twenty minutes." Jason sits up and gets up off the bed, a sadness filling his heart but in a way, accepting that it'll never be him.

He sees the way you look at Gar. He sees the way you and Gar are and how it's always more than a joke and maybe if Jason cooled it down and was just real with you in a normal situation, you could have that, too. If he could just, throw the sarcasm overboard in a normal situation, he could dive in with you. But, he's never been a very good diver.

"Yes, sir." You give him a fake pout and Jason narrows his eyes, the pounding in his chest, echoing through his ears. All he can do is roll his eyes at you before heading out to his own room to change.

You and Jason get changed and you head out of your room first. When you reach the kitchen, Rachel is grabbing a snack. You ask if Jason has been by yet but apparently he hasn't so you sit down to talk with Rachel while you wait. While you wait, Gar comes walking in from the other hallway, clearly done with whatever he was doing with Dick and then Jason walks in as if everyone were on cue. The four of you decide you'll all train together since you're actually due for a training session again anyway. But, before you can get going, you hear the sound of shoes. The four of you peek around the corner of the kitchen to see the new girl trying to sneak out of the tower. All four of you follow her to the elevator, staying back while Dick comes in from the other hallway.

"Going somewhere?" Rachel asks as the elevator denies the girl access to leave.

The girl turns around as Dick steps forward. "We need to talk." Dick says, the girl glaring at him with the one eye that’s not covered.

Dick sends the four of you off to the training room while Dick talks with the new girl. The four of you spar for a little while, making little to no conversation between you. The four of you are mostly just wasting time until you can find out what Dick and the new girl talked about and what's going on. You all have mixed emotions about it but all four of you are curious and intrigued. So, you train for an hour until you and Rachel ask Gar to grab a snack and a drink from the snack counter around the corner.

You sit on the floor, your hands resting behind you while your legs are stretched out and Rachel sits on a bench. Jason continues to practice with a wooden stick, more or less haphazardly while you wait for Gar to come back. Gar is only gone a few minutes before he strolls in with a box of Cheez-Its and three Gatorades.

"So, what do you think is going on out there?" Gar asks, handing Rachel the box of Cheez-Its and you a Gatorade.

"If it's anything like when I got her, bombarding her with too many questions." You say, opening the Gatorade.

"He's probably just trying to find out who she is." Rachel states.

"So, bombarding her with too many questions." You repeat as Gar sits on a bench.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" He asks.

"He sent you to talk to me because I refused to talk to him so kind of." You chuckle.

"He's giving her a cell job. That's what he does cause he can't resist a stray." Jason says sounding annoyed.

"As if it's a bad thing." You quip, gesturing your left hand around the room. "We were literally all strays."

"Don't take his side." Jason mutters, a whine in his voice.

"I mean I knew he'd be bringing in new people. I just didn't...I guess I just didn't think it'd be so soon." Gar explains with the shrug of his shoulders, leaning his elbows on his knees.

You tilt your head slightly to the right trying to figure out if this is what happened when Dick brought you back. They had only been together a month before you showed up so the fact Gar thinks it's still soon, hurts a little. It all worked out okay with you being here, so what's the difference between you and this new girl?

"We didn't even know if we can trust her. Hell, we don't even know what the fuck she is." Jason raises his voice, growing more dramatic.

"What she is, is a person who needs help." Rachel's voice is stern as she looks at Jason.

"Or," Gar starts, holding up his fingers, Gatorade in hand. "Is she a person?" Rachel tilts her head, giving Gar a displeased look.

"You guys sure do know how to make people feel welcomed." You roll your eyes. "Is this how you guys acted when Dick brought me here?"

Gar gives a yikes expression. "Well....yeah." He nods sheepishly. "We didn't know you."

"You burned Dick." Rachel adds.

"You also looked like shit." Jason points out, a grin on his lips.

"So? It all worked out with me. She's just a person." You defend the new girl.

"How did she survive the jump?" Gar leans in, voice raising slightly.

"So, you think she's a metahuman?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah, or, or an alien." Gar throws his arms to the side, defending his point. "Like Kory."

"I need to meet Kory, she sounds fun." You state, Gar gives you a questioning look, shaking his head before his eyes widen, as if asking you to agree with him. You let out a sigh. "That's kind of fair though."

"Really?" Rachel snaps her head in your direction.

"You said it yourself, I did burn Dick. If she's also a metahuman or....an alien..?" You give Gar a questionable look before looking back at Rachel. "We don't know."

"Well, if she was like Kory, those cops wouldn't be alive right now." Rachel argues, looking back to Gar before grabbing a few Cheez-Its and offering the box to you.

"She can fight." Jason chimes in, taking a short break from fighting the air. "Alright, I'll give her that. Whoever she is, she's had training."

"Did you guys see her eye? When Dick was changing the bandages?" Gar asks, clearly going somewhere with this.

"What about it?" Rachel asks.

"It was gone." Gar scoffs, almost amazement in his voice. "But the wound had already healed." He leans forward as if not completely believing what he'd seen.

"Well, that's pretty sick." You give an approving smile.

"You serious?" Jason asks.

"She's been here one hour and the three of you are already obsessed with her."

"You don't think it's sick as fuck that she jumped from a roof, into a building and her eye is already healed? That's awesome." You defend your stance.

"She's a freak." Jason huffs, his voice a higher pitch this time. "Look my vote is we kick her ass out." You scrunch your face at Jason just as Gar starts.

"Okay, wait, who says we even get a vote?" Gar asks.

"Who says she even wants to stay?" Rachel argues. "Look, it's hard to believe but maybe her idea of paradise isn't sharing a bathroom with you, Jason."

"Well, I think she should stay, just for the record." You state. "Assuming, she isn't going to kill us all."

"You do?" Jason scoffs.

"Uh, yeah, as the newest person Dick found on the streets, my vote is yes." You hold your head up high.

"It'd be easier if we knew who she was." Gar states.

"I know how we can find out exactly who she is." Jason gets that knowing smile on his face, the one that always says he's up to no good.

"Do I get to participate this time?" You quip knowing exactly what Jason is up to.

"I thought you said it was wrong." Gar points out.

"Well, yeah," You scoff. "But, I wanna know if she's gonna kill us, especially if Dick gives us a vote. We should know who's sleeping under the same roof as us, right?"

"See, she gets it." Jason says with pride.

You roll your eyes at Jason before looking back to Gar. "You didn't get caught the first time."

"Alright, fine." Gar agrees, still not liking the idea of going behind Dick's back again to look into someone but he's not gonna say to Jason and you.

"You knew and you're okay with it?" Rachel questions. Rachel knows she would at least be pretty mad if the boys went and looked into her instead of just talking to her. She's surprised you aren't mad.

You shrug. "I mean, it would have been nice had they just asked but let's be honest, I wasn't gonna tell them shit anyway. So, I get it. They had to make sure I wasn't a serial killer or some psycho."

"We could talk to her. Maybe she's more open than you." Rachel suggests as you hand the box of Cheez-Its back to her.

"I don't know, Rach." Gar sucks in a breath. "She didn't seem too willing to talk since she was...trying to leave."

"I'm not helping," Rachel shakes her head with disapproval.

"No asked you to." Jason chortles.

"Shut up, Jason." Rachel groans.

"Can we just get back to training?" Gar groans, growing tired of the conversation.

You get up with the suggestion. "Please."

The four of you start your training again until Dick walks in to tell you you call it a night. The four of you go your separate ways to your rooms and the bathroom for your nightly showers. All of you choose to leave the girl alone in her room. Dick said she isn't up for much talking but he's got it all handled, whatever that's supposed to mean. So, the four of you wrap up your night and head to bed.

It takes you a little while to fall asleep. Ever since beating up Jerry, you’ve slept a little better. Nightmares still rear their ugly head about once a week but it's better. It went from every night to once a week, which is an improvement. Beating up Jerry didn't help you feel better about what you went through but knowing that he got to suffer, knowing that Dick turned him in and you saved a little boy from the same treatment, it did ease some of the weight from your bones. It's just a matter of dealing with and working through the trauma he left you with and actually being at the tower surrounded by these four strangers, which helps because to some extent, they all get it.

No one wakes up one day and decides to be a hero. There's something deeper about it and for the five of you, it's trauma. The want and need to not let another innocent person live with what you went through and there's something remarkable in that. But, that doesn't erase any of the trauma you've all gone through. And for you, seeing the new girl brought in in the same way you were, it brings everything you tied down back up to the surface. Another nightmare scares you awake.

You sit up straight in bed, eyes wide but weighed down with sleep. Your heart is thundering in your chest, the room dark beside the city light illuminating your room through the window. Your hands are shaking in your lap, glowing green, something you’ve never even told Gar about.

When the nightmares are really bad, it's as if it triggers the acid and your hands start glowing. Luckily, it's never been bad enough that you actually produce the acid and burn through the bed. But, it is something that scares you even more. If nightmares can trigger the glow, what else can? And does that mean you’re losing control of it? If you don't have control, then what? You don't actually want to hurt someone, especially by accident. But, you choose not to wallow in it because it's not going to do you any good and it's only going to make you feel worse. So, you snatch your phone from the charger and head to your door.

You tip-toe through your door, closing it behind you and make the short walk to Gar's room. The door is unlocked just like it always is and the pinball machines give a blue glow to his room with the city lights shining through his windows. A comforting smile tugs at your lips as you shut the door. The green-haired boy is curled up on the left side of his bed, facing the door and Gar always look so comfortable sleeping, lips parted lightly. He's a lazy sleeper and you think it's the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

"Gar?" You whisper softly, sitting on the edge of his bed. Gar doesn't even budge. "Gar?" You call, shaking him slightly, stirring him awake.

He peeks an eye at you, his hair a complete mess. He gets this lazy-tired smile on his face as he sees you. "Nightmare?" His voice is rough and drenched in sleep, something you swear you could play on repeat for hours on end and never get bored. You nod softly, the smile falling slightly. Gar lifts the blanket for you. "C'mon." He mumbles, inviting you in.

"Thank you." You whisper to him, getting up and sliding under the blankets with him.

Gar turns over on his back, stretching his arm behind your head so you can lay on his chest. "Anytime." Gar looks down at you, this cute smile on his face that has the power just to make the world seem like a better place. Gar smiles at you and everything seems like it's gonna be okay, like nothing in the entire world will ever be scary again. There's a kind of magic about him and you adore every aspect of the boy with soft eyes and green hair.

You cuddle up against his chest, resting your arm over his torso and lightly gripping his t-shirt. You can hear Gar's heart and it's the most comforting sound you’ve ever heard. It's slow and steady. You remember the first night you went to him after a nightmare and it was awkward.

You didn't know what to do or say. All you knew was that he'd make you feel better and you didn't want to be alone. He did make you feel better but you were both...tripping over your own feet trying to figure out how to sleep or how not to. Gar didn't want to make it weird or be too in your face about it and you weren’t sure if you wanted to be too close him. It was a mess, actually but you settled on his chest anyway because that's what felt comfortable. That poor boy's heart nearly beat out of his chest for almost half an hour. He was so nervous.

He'd never slept with anyone like that before and he just adores you with everything in him. He never wants to mess anything up and he didn't know what to do. Gar followed your lead and it made him more nervous than he's ever been. But, there was a sense of comfort in it because you chose him to be with when you’re scared. Something about him, made you comfortable enough to fall asleep and sleep soundly. Something about him, felt right to you. And that makes Gar's chest swell every time you come to him for this. He wishes you'd do it more than just when you have nightmares but he never has the guts to ask. So, he wraps his arm around you while the steady pace of his heart lulls you to sleep.

You wake up first, before either of your alarms. You've moved throughout the night, you’ve rolled over, facing the door while Gar's arm is lazily draped over your waist. You can hear him softly snoring behind you and you carefully roll over as to not disturb him. The peacefulness of his face makes you smile as you watch him. And for a second, you almost forget there are other people in the tower. You forget about your nightmare just a few hours before and everything, right now, feels so right.

You feel safe and happy and comfortable. And calm. Your brain is quiet with him. It's not bitter or cold or full of range. It is at peace with every horrible thing you’ve seen and been through. Just...peace. And maybe that's what it's all about.

Maybe, it's not about flirting all the time or who makes you question the intentions of everything for fun. Maybe it's not about shared trauma or experiences. Maybe, it's just about who's there for you when everything feels like it's caving in. Maybe it's about who sticks around when the darkness closes the blinds. Maybe it's just about the person who lifts some of the weight from your shoulders when everything gets a little too heavy and maybe it's about the person that makes you comfortable and finally lets you feel peace. Maybe that's what it's all about.

But, that’s all just maybes.

"Do you always stare at me when I sleep?" Gar mumbles, voice drenched in sleep as he opens his eyes, blinking slowly at you.

"No." You scoff, feeling your cheeks start to burn. "You were snoring." You brush it off.

"Sorry." Gar chuckles softly.

"It's okay, I don't mind." You give him a smile. "You're cute when you're sleeping through, you look peaceful."

Gar's eyes widen and you called him cute. What does he do? "Oh...yeah?" Gar asks, feeling his breath hitch in his throat. "Thank you. Uh, so do you." Gar offers, as if waiting for you to laugh or make a sarcastic comment but you don't. Your smile is sweet like honey.

"Thanks." You look away just as yours and Gar's alarms start blaring at full volume. "Ew." You grimace, rolling over and grabbing your phone from his nightstand, Gar doing the same. "Want pancakes?" You ask, looking back at him.

Gar raises a brow, you’ve never offered him food that wasn't a snack before. "Sure? You can make them?"

"Wow, rude." You let out a laugh, your voice still filled of sleep. "Yes, the fuck I can, Garfield."

Gar laughs, the use of his full name makes flowers bloom his chest. He doesn't normally like when people call him it but you? You call can him Garfield when it’s like that. "I was just checking! Vegan pancakes?" Gar raises a brow.

"Hey, there, what kind of monster do you take me for to offer you pancakes and not offer a vegan option?" You quip. "Of course."

"Sweet." Gar beams at you and you offering to make him pancakes makes him feel really important. "Do you need help?"

You shake your head. "Nah, consider it a long overdue thank you for letting me sleep in here and for dealing with my bullshit."

"I don't mind." Gar says with ease as a gentle laugh leaves his lips. He never minds being there for anyone, but especially you.

"I know but I'm gonna thank you anyway and make you pancakes because you deserve it." You give him a cheeky smile before tossing the blanket off of you and getting up from the bed. "You can watch though." You give him a wink, the heat rushing to Gar's cheeks and you watch his eyes go wide, mouth moving not knowing to say. You scrunch your nose as you laugh. "You're also cute when you get flustered."

Gar lets out a sigh and he thinks you might be the death of him one day. "I'm not flustered." Gar defends, sitting up before rubbing his hands over his face.

"Mhm, sure, you're not." You nod, words leaking of sarcasm.

"I'm not!" Gar defends further with a tired laugh.

"Okay." You shrug, turning on your heels. "Sure." You snicker. "I'll meet you out there."

"Yeah, okay." Gar nods, falling back onto his pillows as you leave, leaving his door slightly ajar.

You make your way to the kitchen, Dick is, of course, already in there with his coffee. It's been a month and somehow you still almost always catches him while he's in here. Surely, this man has other things to do in the morning but no, he is always here. But, you just 'morning' him and walk over to the drawer with the pans, pulling out a griddle. Dick watches you with a raised brow, casually sipping his coffee. You grab the ingredients including regular milk and soy milk for Gar, one of the non-dairy options Dick keeps stocked for him. You continue to rummage through the kitchen, casually glancing at your phone for all of the ingredients.

"What are you doing?" Dick finally asks.

"Making pancakes." You say with confidence, measuring the flour into a large mixing bowl.

"Right." Dick clicks his tongue. "Since when do you cook?"

"Why is everyone so shocked?" You scoff, measuring the milk for Gar's before grabbing a sticky note and a pen from the counter, marking the batter with ‘Gar’.

"You haven't cooked anything that doesn't go in the microwave or isn't frozen since you've been here."

"Well, that's because it's convenient." You quip as Rachel strolls in, sleep still in her eyes. "I like convenience."

"Is she cooking?" Rachel asks through a yawn.

You look at her with wide eyes, pausing what you’re doing. "Okay, seriously?"

"What the fuck is going on?" Jason chortles as he walks in. "Since when do you know how to cook?"

"That's what I said." Dick raises his mug at Jason.

"You know what, none for any of you!" You glare at them, pointing at them with a whisk, some bits of batter dripping off the end. "I'll clean that."

Rachel gains this knowing smile as she sits next to Dick. "Wait, are you making Gar breakfast?" She asks and your cheeks burn. Jason's heart plummets into his stomach. He always knew but it stings.

"What makes you say that?" You ask, trying your best to not be obvious.

"You have the soy and dairy milk out?" Rachel points at the different kinds of milk. "I also heard you leave his room."

"Okay." Dick says loudly, getting up from his seat. "I don't need to hear more of that. Good luck making breakfast. It's very nice of you, Y/n."

"Thank you, Dickolas." You give him a thankful nod.

"Left Gar's room, huh?" Jason asks and Rachel regrets saying anything.

"Yeah...." You say quietly, going back to your batter.

Jason knew, of course he did. You mentioned it to him in passing. You sleep in there when you have a nightmare. And neither of you hides it. It's not some big secret or anything but with Rachel actually mentioning it, someone else mentioning it, it's like Jason is suddenly much more aware of it and it hurts a little. But, he reminds himself that he never had a shot anyway.

He plays this fuckboy thing up so much but he's never been much good to anyone anyway. And he knew it wasn't him because of the movies and the way you talk to him. Jason hoped it'd be him, but the pit in his stomach told him it wasn't so the only thing he can do is brush it off because that's what he does. And you see it across his face, guilt flooding your stomach, almost making you nauseous but you ignore it and continue making breakfast because you like Jason and you like Gar. But dealing with that early in the morning doesn’t sound pleasant, so dodges your sinking heart.

"Want any?" You ask the two of them.

"Please." Rachel gives you a soft smile.

"Yeah." Jason nods, pulling out his phone and scrolling away.

You continue making breakfast as Gar strolls in, a bit surprised to actually see you at the stove. You really don't cook and it makes Gar chuckle to himself. Dick actually does a lot of the cooking but it really is rarely ever good so you normally end up with a frozen pizza or takeout. So, this is nice and something that Gar never really expected from you. You’re so snippy and sarcastic that whenever you decide to be soft, it throws him a bit but in the best way. You’re full of surprises and Gar wants to know all of them.

As the four of you sit down with your breakfast, Dick walks out with the new girl, explaining they were leaving for a bit. The girl made a comment about not wanting to stay which prompted Rachel to ask why. The girl didn't have much of an explanation, looking more like she just wanted to leave and not turn back. Dick didn't really say much else though and just like that, they were gone.

"You still wanna know who she is?" Jason asks, stuffing pancakes into his mouth.

"Obviously." You nod.

"Yeah." Gar sighs, eating his own pancakes. "Hey, these are really good." Gar compliments you.

"Everyone is so shocked." You laugh.

"How'd you learn to make them?" He asks.

"Oh, I can follow a recipe." You chortle. "I can make a sandwich from scratch, everything else I just Google."

"That makes sense." Rachel nods.

"Nothing?" You look to Jason, waiting for a quip. You fully expect him to boast about how he could do this in his sleep if he tried. Or how he’s had better pancakes from Denny’s or IHOP, something sarcastic at least.

"Eh," Jason shrugs. "I can do better." Jason gives you a smirk, choosing to shrug it off. 

"Mhm. Sure ya can." You nod.

The four of you finish up your breakfast and make your way to the new girl's room where Dick changed her bandage. Gar saw Dick toss her bandage in the trash and just like they did with you, Gar snatched it and brought it to the comms lab. Jason takes it from Gar and uses some of the technology to grab a blood sample to run through the computer. Gar takes a seat in the chair, you standing behind him and resting your arms on the back of the chair. Jason stands off to the side, eyes glued to the screen as Gar types away. Jason starts pacing a bit behind you as the screen starts loading, trying to find information on the girl.

"You're gonna burn a hole into the floor, Jay." You state, glancing back at him.

"Yeah? What if this is her plan, get Dick alone and attack him or some shit."

Gar and you both look over your shoulders at him. "I don't think she's gonna attack him, man." Gar lets out a sigh.

"Yeah, I think we're safe there." You nods your head while the two of you look back at the screen, the computer making a noise as it loads.

"Come on." Jason paces twice more before standing next to Gar. "Come on."

"Match identified." The computer says once everything has loaded.

"Rose Wilson." Gar says, leaning forward and clicking a button. "And that's her dad, Slade Wilson."

"Well, fuck." You let out a scoff.

"No...fucking...way." Jason says, eyes wide as he puts his hands on the computer panel, leaning forward as if not believing what he's seeing.

Gar looks between the two of you, confused. "What?"

"Deathstroke." Jason says, something cross between amazement and shock coming over his voice.

"Bad dude from, what? Five years ago?" You look to Jason.

"Think so, yeah. He killed one of the Titans." Jason explains, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Wait, how do you know that?" Gar looks behind him at you.

"I had a lot of free time, Titans, Justice League, Robin, ya know? Found it all interesting. Deathstroke killing one of the Titans was pretty public. Aqualad, right?" You glance at Jason again for confirmation.

"Yeah." Jason nods.

"So, this girl, Rose is Deathstroke's daughter?" Gar asks, turning back to the screen.

"Seems that way." You let out a sigh.

"Think he did that to her?" Gar's voice is pained with the question.

"Wouldn't put it past him." Jason adds. "Dude is fucked up."

"We have to tell Dick, then. He has to know." Gar urges. "Maybe we could look further into him.

"Yeah, do that." You agree with him and the three of you watch, reading what shows up on the screen while you wait to inform Dick.

If Deathstroke is involved, surely that's something Dick would have clued you all in on if he knew. So, now it's up to the three of you to bring it to Dick's attention before Rose gets too close, just in case.

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[hippolotamus]

On Fic Writing Grief

The problem with WIPs - one of them, anyway - is The End™️. You know what I mean. When the characters find what they're looking for, get their happily-ever-after, come to a place of peace, etc. It's true to an extent for all works, but especially those that have taken a while (in my not so humble opinion).

Whether the characters are OCs, or your Lil Blorbos, you've taken that journey with them. You've dug deep into their (your) feelings to create not just a story, but an experience. And you hope with everything in your little author heart, that at least some of the words you’ve bled out will make an impression. That there will be pieces readers connect to, and can take for themselves.

There have been previous Works, and there will be more to follow, but that knowledge never eases the ache of setting down this One. Because, whether it was weeks or months (or longer) that you spent researching, writing, editing, re-writing, second-guessing… it’s just really tough to say goodbye and walk out of a universe you have invested so much time and so many emotions into.

Maybe you’ve even developed an unintentional grieving process that involves writing oneshots and taking on beta reading responsibilities to prolong the inevitable (not that I would know anything about that). Or spin out in an anxiety spiral once you publish that final chapter because you don’t know who you are without that piece to work on (again, not that I’m familiar…)

Be gentle with yourself as your creations wind down. You’re allowed to rest, and grieve, and take time before starting something else (if that’s something you want to do). Because yes, you’re a writer, but you’re also a person. No one will think less of you for taking a moment to breathe and recalibrate.

That’s enough rambles for now. Until next time 💙🦛

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

So, I usually read acotar on the bus and during class and then I come home and write these posts but I had a Certified Mental Health Moment and couldnt go for the entirety of last week and I didnt feel like reading during that time, so yeah

Anyway, Ive made it through chapter 30 I think (sry i forgor and i dont feel like taking the book out of my bag rn to check) so Ive just gotten to the point where Feyre arrived UTM through that weird interdimensional (?) shortcut and then a hand grabs her and then the chapter ends. That means Ive finally had my proper introduction to my literary mortal enemy, the man, the myth, the legend, Rhysand Nolastname, and also Feyre's sisters as actual characters instead of the weird caricatures they were previously

The stuff with Nesta and Elain is honestly baffling to me, like was there not an editor to suggest maybe adjusting those first few chapters when she decided to flesh them out more? One of the acotar critiques I watched before reading was this one by a podcast called Unresolved Textual Tension and one of the hosts kept remarking that sjm "couldnt go back to change things" in reference to her constant retconning of characters with very little elaboration, but like, why? First of all, I dont think thats literally true; to my knowledge (which is admittedly limited so feel free to correct me here) sjm had her start on fiction press with the first throne of glass book, posted serially chapter by chapter, which got really popular and was then traditionally published in 2012, but every book after that was always intended to be published as a whole work went through the whole traditional publishing pipeline with editors and whatnot. So the issues with ACOTAR cant come from it being a serialized story that wasnt properly planned out and then wasnt fixed up in editing, right? And the only other thing I can think of is that she just didnt have an editor (or atleast not a very thorough one) which, people say that a lot of her more recent work (CC series, ACOSF) feel unedited because of how they drag and how often the prose seems to repeat itself and by this point shes popular and influential enough that Im pretty willing to believe that, but was she that popular back in 2015 from TOG alone? Idk if anyone can tell me anything about this I would appreciate it

I already have a lot of thoughts about Rhysand (spoiler alert: none of them are positive) but I think I'll save those for when we get to Those Scenes UTM. For now, I just wanted to ask all the Feylin girlies who read this book before ACOMAF came out or who went into the series without spoilers: didnt it feel incredibly weird that Rhysands beautifulness was so emphasized when, as far as you were aware, Feyre and Tamlin were meant to be endgame? Like, I think Feylin is cute and all but Im not really too invested in it because I dont find either of them on their own or their dynamic together that interesting, but it still felt a little disrespectful if thats the right word. Like, I know love triangles are a Thing in YA and I know they tend to be incredibly clear-cut and its usually very obvious whos gonna get the girl from the getgo, but in those cases the protagonist generally has some kind of actual relationship with The Bad Boy to justify a weird attraction to an obviously dangerous guy, in ACOTAR Rhysand has talked to Feyre exactly one time and then he sent over a head on a spike and here she is, talking about how indescribably beautiful he is while hes making her friend and the man she will claim to love in the next chapter go down on their knees to beg for her safety. Idk man it just feels so weird

[melodioustear]

Hi friends - it's been a bit, here at least. Remember when we only had to manage one or two social media accounts to stay in contact with people because they hadn't dispersed to a dozen different places? That was nice.

If you're not aware, 2023 has not been kind to me, and I am presently living with my (very kind, very generous) grandmother whilst finalising my divorce. My health has been rough, managing my audhd has been rough, it's a rough year. But! I have taken a huge amount of joy and pride and gratitude in being able to continue my PhD and not having to take (another) intermission.

As such, it's been a teensy bit hard to maintain posting about how my research is going. But as I've recently come to find that asynchronous sharing is easier for me and more accessible for people than trying to maintain Twitch streaming, I want to try and post here a little more, even if it's very infrequent.

So, to give you a relatively swift update on where we are:

I had supervision last month and we did a lot of edit planning and nailing down of the issues with my chapter draft, which was just about complete before that meeting. A large amount of the problem was that I had separated my discussion about the survey results and my arguments for the chapter. I made my next target sorting this out, editing things together, finishing the chapter off and if possible doing this for the video games chapter too (spoiler alert: I will not be managing to do both).

One of the main issues that my supervisor highlighted was that in that draft, I had no fanfiction. In my fanfiction chapter. We'd discussed the ethical steps I wanted to take with citing fanfiction, such as not using archive-locked fanfiction, getting author consent to cite, and making sure I'm not citing a fandom with a history of abuse (to protect myself).

This is what I've spent this week fixing. I have found a fanfic which is, and I cannot stress this enough, utterly perfect as an example. It's in a fandom with canonical mental illness, the story is top 50 for kudos and top 10 for kudos-with-mental-illness-tags in its fandom, and it is complete at 225k words. The story is not only brilliantly written, but it has a meta-story within it that essentially makes fandom itself into a character, and then uses it as both metaphor and engine for the main character's healing. It doesn't present healing as linear, shows everything in shades of grey, and has spawned both its own fanfiction and fanart as well as so many comments from people explaining how the story helped them with their own situations. And best of all - the author (hi if you're reading this, you're wonderful) has given me permission to cite it. So this is now something I'm poised to start writing up.

The other side to what I'm working on to sort the chapter's issues comes from a workshop I did at the FSNNA conference this month. It was on a particular kind of data analysis called topic modelling and works as a really good jumping board for identifying connections within a large data set (which, if you take the write-in question text for my survey, I am working with). My hope is to use this to form a structure for my close-reading reflections, as well as potentially highlighting things I might've missed.

But, I am trying to be good and take this all slowly and steadily. Whilst I am behind where I wanted to be, it is only natural - as my mentor reminded me this week - that as my research progresses it'll deviate and transform in unexpected ways. This chapter may take a little longer, but others may be a little shorter - for example, my next chapter is on roleplaying and as my MA thesis was on that I have a lot more existing knowledge about the current work on it in academia.

And lastly, I had my first academic publication! I'm a real academic now! You can read my reflections on Madness, control and agency in video games at the Polyphony, where I talk specifically about the games Pillars of Eternity (& sequel) and Please Knock on My Door.

Thanks everyone so much for your continued interest in my work - I really appreciate it <3

[asheskies-writing]

Another update on the status of my writing.

Again, not a new chapter, and again, first and foremost, More than a Mask is not being abandoned, I am still writing it.

...

But I do wanna explain where the hiatus is coming from.

So, when I last updated, I knew I wouldn't likely be putting out another chapter a week or two later. But I didn't think it would be this long. Several things came together to kinda throw my writing schedule off.

First, I wound up getting surgery, and during recovery, I wasn't in a state to write.

Second, as you all probably know from my notes, I write a few chapters ahead. Which meant the next chapter was technically done, but I was withholding publishing until the next next chapter was done. I do this for a few reasons, I like to keep ahead of the curve with chapters, and it also helps me make continuity edits if I need to make sure something is going to be relevant a chapter later.

But, I realized there were a lot of issues with the next chapter. It was long, and even with that, I was putting a lot of important story events into what was effectively a timeskip summary of a week or two.

So, I wound up taking the time to break that chapter into two, and turn the events that would've happened over the timeskip, the fairly important story events that deserved focus, into... well, that. Into scenes that will fully play out.

But that meant effectively rewriting the chapter. Twice. And then accounting for any changes that would make later down the line.

That's the step I'm on now, I'm almost done rewriting the second of the two chapters next chapter became, after which I will need to make sure everything still lines up with... the following chapter. God this got confusing with me leaving out chapter numbers.

But even with all that, this has been really slow for me, and the reason for that is probably the most important factor in this whole scenario.

When I entered this fandom, I knew very little about the voice acting cast for it. In the past few months, though, one thing of note has crossed my attention.

Hailee Steinfeld, Gwen's VA from the Spiderverse movies, has a history of supporting the Israeli Occupation Force, something that to the extent of my knowledge she hasn't rescinded.

It should go without saying that this is disgusting. Israel has been occupying, oppressing, and committing a genocide against the Palestinian people for nearly eighty years now.

Now, frankly, this topic deserves a level of focus that certainly doesn't fit into an explanation on why a fanfiction hasn't updated for a while. I'm bringing it up here, mostly, to make it clear that I disavow her and don't stand by anyone who supports genocide.

While I'm not abandoning the fic, this has definitely shattered my momentum, and I only feel comfortable continuing to write More Than A Mask because she isn't the sole VA for Gwen, she didn't start the character, she doesn't define the character, and honestly my preferred version of Gwen would be textually trans and voiced by a trans woman anyways.

So updates will be slow, and it still might be a bit before the hiatus ends.

And, more importantly, if you aren't educated on what's happening in Palestine, please take the time to research, and then lend what support you can to the Palestinian people going through unimaginable hardship. There are some wonderful people on tumblr who can verify which donation funds actually make it to Palestine and make a difference.

And if you don't have any money to spare, I'd like to recommend Arab.org. There's a button you can click there daily to raise money for Palestine, the money raised comes from ad revenue meaning you don't need a cent to be able to help.

[autumnalwalker]

Empty Names Masterpost

I'll be updating this post with links as I post chapters. The intent is that everything I write for this project will be posted here to read in its entirety.

Also mirrored on Scribble Hub: (Main Story, Side Stories)

Cast list is below the "Keep reading" line.

Pitch:

A trans woman accidentally summons a demon while trying to DIY her transition with magic and computers...

A young wizard returns to Earth after his adventure in a magical otherworld only to realize you can never truly go home again once you've changed too much...

A teenage girl gets stood up for prom, kills a lake monster, and spends the next decade hunting down things that go bump in the night...

An assassin marries an immortal sorceress and allows the rumors that he murdered her to flourish once she disappears...

A world-hopping adventurer sees the potential in all of them and asks if they're interested in helping make the world a better place.

"Empty Names" is an episodic urban fantasy series about a group of misfits fighting monsters and grappling with existential questions regarding the interplay of reality, perception, and identity.

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Summary: Road, an adventurer with a penchant for jumping between different worlds tries to set up the sort of adventurers' guild so common in sword & sorcery setting in a modern day urban fantasy world where "adventurer" isn't considered a legitimate profession and magic and the supernatural are kept behind the scenes and out of public knowledge. The story is told from the points of view of the people that get roped into being the initial test run adventuring party but never Road's.

Update Schedule: Once or twice a month, depending on chapter length. New chapters get posted on Saturdays, when they're ready.

Overall Content Warnings: Genre-typical violence, gender dysphoria, anxiety, occasional mild body horror, death. I'll update this list as more is written and if anyone points something out to me that I should have included a warning for and missed. In general though, I aim to try to keep this approximately PG-13-ish, but we'll see where this all goes over time. Individual chapters have more specific content warnings at the top of the post with anything likely to be distressing below the "Keep reading" line.

Current Status: Rough Draft (just throwing things up as I write them with minimal review or editing)

I'm primarily viewing this project as practice for moving out of my comfort zone and doing more traditional prose with proper dialogue and action scenes and such rather than the journal format that I've been doing with @thearchivistsjournal. The original plan was to write a few sort of prologue/character introduction chapters and then mostly do a series of one-shots with the same setting and cast based on whatever random idea or writing prompt strikes my fancy that week, but as time goes on it's starting to verge more toward "continuous narrative". Time will tell how it eventually winds up I suppose.

Chapter List:

Hello World

Back From The Looking Glass

Dance Partners

Prince In Gold

Rite of First Refusal

Background Checks

Compilation

En Route

Test Run

Cleanup

Afterparty

Houseguests

Open Office

Down Low

Matters of Technique

Mall Rats

Embedded Media

Mom Energy

Shire

Changeling Child

Old Flame

Leads

Compression

Nostalgia

Euphoria (coming sometime in May 2024)

Love

Attention

Concern

Side Stories:

Scenes that don't fit well into the main story. They might come before it, focus on side characters, or just be conversations between the main cast during downtime.

There Are No Dogs At The Dog Park: Every full moon Eris does some volunteer work. Set a couple years before the main plot, shortly after Eris and Lacuna met and started hanging out.

Once Upon A Time...: A bedtime story by Sullivan Bridgewood.

Pop Quiz: A younger Ashan not-yet-Glassheart gets a refresher on terminology.

The Sphinx And The Spider: Two first-time interdimensional tourists run into trouble on vacation. (Coming when I get the motivation back to return to this one)

A Shining Shallow Sea: They say the Sorceress Bridgewood never gave a gift which she didn’t benefit from the giving. (More of a loose idea at the moment than an in-progress story)

Non-Canon AU:

I suppose at this point you could call it writing shipping fan fiction of my own work.

2023 Pride Month Drabble Challenge: A series of dialogue snippets from an alternate universe/timeline where Eris and Lacuna avoided ever learning about the existence of the supernatural, wound up meeting anyway, and became a couple instead of (or perhaps in addition to) best friends.

Core Cast:

Road:

The experienced adventurer and idealist who started this whole venture.

Very much the iconic "hero" archetype. Brave, strong, kind, strict "no killing" policy, etc.

The kind of person that you quickly feel like you're best friends with and can count on and share anything with, but then several months or even years down the line it occurs to you that you don't actually know anything about their personal life.

Humor/Color Scheme: Balanced

Sullivan Bridgewood:

Road's best friend since childhood and the only one who knows that under their heroic persona they're about one really bad day from an emotional breakdown at any given time.

Married for power and money and is using that money to bankroll this adventurers' guild startup operation. May or may not have killed his wife.

Kind of an asshole, but reins it in when Road's around for their sake.

Humor/Color Scheme: Choleric

Lacuna:

A trans woman whose introduction to the existence of the supernatural was a failed attempt to magically get a new body that resulted in a demon trying to eat her, and then being rescued by Road.

Now works with an unholy combination of applying AI-generated art algorithms and principles to create custom magic glyphs.

A walking embodiment of imposter syndrome, who vacillates between "I am a mad genius!" and "I have no idea what I'm doing and really am not qualified for any of this."

Humor/Color Scheme: Melancholic

Eris:

The team's physical powerhouse and heavy hitter. A veritable brick wall of supernaturally-reinforced muscle.

Survived a scenario out of a C-list monster movie as a teenager, enjoyed the experience more than she reasonably should have, and has spent the past decade since then as a semi-professional monster hunter.

Has sort of taken Lacuna under her wing as the younger sister she never had but always wanted. In spite of Lacuna being the older of the two.

Humor/Color Scheme: Sanguine

Ashan Glassheart:

Already went through the whole "little kid from Earth goes on an adventure in a magic otherworld and becomes a wizard" hero's journey/bildungsroman routine before this story even started. Except he was gone long enough that once he finally returned home there wasn't anything to come back to. Does a convincing job of pretending it doesn't bother him.

Mostly focuses on barriers, wards, bindings, and other such defensive techniques with his magic.

Actually doesn't mind all that much when strangers mistake him for a woman. Minds a little bit though when people call his wizard robes a dress. Minds a lot when people mistake his outfit for cosplay.

Humor/Color Scheme: Phlegmatic