#then i woke up and i was still tired but I COULDNT FUCKING GO BACK TO SLEEP

[sprinklethetangerine]

I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?

[r0tte3nlungz]

husband!gojo ✮| headcannons

gojoxfem!reader

MDNI -> warnings: afab reader (but anyone can read yk), sfw&nsfw, arranged marriage, slight angst, comfort, pet names, flufflufffluff!, cunnilingus, gojo is pussy whipped, fingering, creamycreamycreamiest creampies, reader calls gojo daddy!, tummypushing

a/n: i had a dream abt this with some random guy and when i woke up i was so disappointed :(( LOL angwah heres some quick gojo headcannons bc i truly miss him and im so lonely.

husband!gojo who you married per each family’s request, making your marriage an arranged one.

husband!gojo who hated the idea of being tied down.

husband!gojo who couldnt wait for the ceremony to end, however when he watched you walk down the aisle, looking so innocent, he felt a tug at his heartstrings.

husband!gojo who didnt know what to do when on your honeymoon. he didnt know whether or not to interact with you or to keep his distance like he promised himself. he decides for the latter.

husband!gojo who enjoys coming to work everyday after his honeymoon because his cute little wife always delivers his lunch to him despite not asking you to.

husband!gojo who starts to soften even more when he sees that you wait for him to come home from work. youre usually sleeping on the couch. he gently scoops you up in his arms and takes you to bed.

husband!gojo who sees that you start getting tired of the routine after a while. making his lunches, waiting for him to come home late. you stop delivering his lunches personally, opting to just give it to him before he leaves in the morning. he doesnt see you when he comes home either.

husband!gojo who makes sure to wash up before slipping into bed with you, wrapping his arms around you . he missed you.

husband!gojo who feels you wake the next morning, obviously confused to see his arms around you. he sighs before bringing you closer to his chest.

husband!gojo who whispers apologies and sweet nothings in your ear as you settle yourself into him with suspicion.

he strokes your head as he says. “im sorry. i know you didnt want this marriage either. im sorry that youve been doing all this alone. i promise ill be here for you. just tell me what you need and i will do everything to help you. youve changed me y/n.”

you look at him, with creased eyebrows, obviously still not trusting him fully.

“ill give you time.” husband!gojo sighs as he lets go of you to get ready for work. you still make him lunch that day.

husband!gojo who comes home and doesnt see you on the couch. he understands that he needs to wait for your response but there is a small part of him that is wondering whether or not you have left.

husband!gojo who sighs in relief when he opens the door to your shared bedroom, seeing you all dolled up in a pretty pj set, sitting comfy on the bed.

husband!gojo who smiles when he sees your face brighten in delight. you walk up to him.

husband!gojo who is surprised when you wrap your arms around him and kiss him with your soft lips. he groans into the kiss, regretting the fact the he never kissed you after the wedding.

husband!gojo who melts to your touch as your bring him to the bed. you remove his jacket and tie as your straddle him, kissing him more harshly.

husband!gojo who makes sure youre okay with with what’s going to happen next. he kisses you again when you say yes.

husband!gojo who takes his sweet time with you. stripping you from your garments,leaving you bare infront of him. he sinks his long fingers into your sopping cunt, your head lolling back in pleasure.

husband!gojo who’s eyes roll back when he finally tastes you. youre addcitive. he laps up your juices, swirling his tongue on your clit. you cum twice on your husband’s tongue, his hands holding your legs apart so they wont close. his fingers continues to scissor you until youre screaming.

husband!gojo who fucks you in missionary position, making sure to watch your face as your react to the pleasure hes giving you.

husband!gojo who cums inside of you only to turn that cum into a creamy mess around your pussy as he pounds into you some more. he can feel his creampie dripping out of you and down his balls.

husband!gojo who enjoys how loud youve become. moaning obscenities and calling him daddy. he wants to fuck you till your dumb!

“fuck princess, youre so fucking messy. fuc—nghh..” he tries to speak but your pussy is squeezing him too well he can barely get words out.

“please daddy!! i need—aghh.. i need you! dont stopp—ahh…” you groan as you have your fourth orgasm of night.

husband!gojo who watches hearts form in your eyes when he cums inside of you for the final time. you can feel his warmth trickling into your womb.

husband!gojo who pulls out and watches his loads flood out of you. he presses on your stomach, watching as more cum gushes out of you.

husband!gojo who brings a warm towel to wipe up the cream around your sex. you moan as he does so, still recovering from all of your orgasms.

husband!gojo who wraps you up into his arms once again, praising you for how well you did.

“you did so good love..” he says stroking your back.

husband!gojo who reminds you that he has fallen in love with you and will do anything and everything in his power to make sure that you are comfortable in this marriage with him.

husband!gojo who knows the two of you will be okay when you peck him on the lips and tell him that you love him.

[pjackk]

Yep another miesrable "F my life" moment just hapened to me i basicaly walked 10 miles up the mountain to get to behind to the gas station to see my plug to buy me my with my favorite delta 8 pipe rocks and grab another 6er of tall boy steelies and i forgot i had my lit pre roll from brunch at the Country Grocerys buffet and i tripped on a congom on they away out and fell directly into a puddle of oil which normaly is fine when i fall and hurt myself ebcause nobody gives a fuck about me but the pants got stained wich is not unusual for me either but this time with motor guel or some shit but my pre roll was smoldering still and it set my ptants on fire so i dive in to the muddy ditch to put wet mut on my body to estinguish the fire and it and it shook the fuck up out of my steelos and the bursted all over me and it put out the fire but now i dont have any booze at all and my delta 7 "Fuck n chill" rocks burned tf up and i dont got nothgin left and my pants were all fucked up so i had to go home thru the woods wihtout them and it was so dark out and my peice of shit phone died even thouhg it was at 27% and i couldnt see shit and i was lost for along time so i decide to go to sleep in the woods to find my way back in day time + the animals sounds were high key scary as fuck so i cover myself in leafs and dirt and sticks and mud and other shit to hide from them and i woke up in the adfternoon still tired as fuck cuz i dont sleep good without some shit to put me asleep like my medicidne prescribed from Dr Maltlikker if U catch my drift lol or Dr thc Gummy lol if u get what im saying and these stupid little cunts with 22 rifles were plinking at me and tlaking about how they wanted to shoot my big ugly rusty head right in the head or to shoot a hole in my nippels so i got up and trioed to get them to stop i begged but htey just kept lauhging at me and shooting at me and it realy hurt my feelings so i pick one up and threw it into the sky then they all ran away screaming which is a classic "Dont fuck with honest joe,because he might try to hurt you or kill you if u piss him of moment" but the miracle of the story if that i went to walk 20 feet to findm y way out and i found my busted as shit old as fuck camry with a litle gas left ive been looking for it for a few days cuz i did a lil cruising when i was blackout and did lots of crazy shit i didnt remember at all but it was all on my story and 100 ppl were snaping and whatsapping me telling me to kill myself when i checked my huwawai thats how u know u had a crazy fcking night when u get that shit!!😂😂 but it had a litle gas left and it wasnt super busted so i was able do get back on I81 and soem stupid fcking crazy ass north carolina motha fuckas are driving insanly as fuck as usual and they keep almost hiting me while im just trying to read my fukcking phone to get rid of all these stupid messages and shit i still dont know how to use the app and its hard to type shit with my hands but eventualy i got back to my fuck buddys houe im crashing there even though he hates me now but i have nowehre left since ive been down on my luck and im realy not able to pay the bills no more with my online black jack/DarkRp trial moderator gigs and basicaly he owes me cuaz i got him 1 pack of menthols back when he was 19 and Sleepy Joe Brnadon banned them since "Freedom to do real shit" was aparently removed from the costitution when he was elected😂 but anywas now im sitting here bored as fuck with nothign at all do do cuz i got nothing to get fucked up wthi and i spent the rest of my meony on shit thats burned and blasted im realy worried i wont be able to sleep tongith since i cant get fucked up and thats when the demons starts to flow in my head i might do something realy bad to myself like pluck out my screws or some shit if u care abotu my which u probably dont my cashuapp is $pjack9 im desprate for another bottle to numb my p[ain away

Pic of my ride when i found it thankuly it still had gas😋

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

this whole not being able to sleep thing is bullshit lmao

[mylarena]

i loooove the concept of both soap and ghost being touchstarved but in different ways.

ghost being touchstarved, but once he gets one touch he cannot get enough, so he keeps going back for more and subtly initiating little touches with soap- bumping their shoulders while walking, pressing their knees together under the table, leaning into johnny after a tiring mission.

soap being touchstarved for anything meaningful. he gives other soldiers pats on the shoulder for a good job, he gives gaz a fist bump when passing him in the hall, sometimes alejandro gives him a brief hug when they reunite after a while- but he never gets anything substantial- never gets a warm, fatherly hug from price the way he sees gaz get one, doesnt get a fond hair ruffle like he used to get from his ma, cant crawl into his parents beds after a bad dream like he did as a child.

then he met ghost.

and yeah, soap may have kickstarted the whole situation with that little fist to the shoulder before their first mission, but it really was a pretty slippery slope once they got out of las almas. suddenly ghost is there, always next to him, warm and solid and reliable, and he gives little touches- those shoulder bumps, pressing of knees, leaning, all these little points of contact. and soap knows they mean something to ghost, hes seen how the man avoids touching others like the fucking plague. so for ghost to be initiating this, for him to trust soap enough- soap knows its meaningful and that warms him to his core.

but sometimes it just... isnt enough. sometimes he still has that deep cavern filled with yearning in his chest, the unrelenting desire for touch, for affection, for a damn hug.

its a particularly bad night when he breaks. he dreamed- dreams of las almas, being shot and dragging himself through the city, of ghost not responding to his comms and him finding his body, then of chicago, of something happening and no one stopping hassan from throwing him off that fucking building. when he woke and couldnt calm himself, he stumbled out of his room and made his way near blindly to ghosts door. after a frantic knock, the door flew open much quicker than soap expected (maybe it was how noisy he was being with his steps, maybe it was the way he slumped into the wall, maybe it was his panting,) and he was faced with ghost, adorned in what might be the comfiest clothes soap has ever seen him in, with his mask hastily pulled on over his face. his eyes widen in surprise, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"johnny? what happened, is something wrong? are you hurt?"

and hes reaching out, putting a hand on soaps arm while he scans his body for any wounds- something that put him in so much distress. when he finds nothing of note, he looks back up at soaps face, and he moves his other hand up to his face to hold him steady.

"johnny, whats going on?"

and soap breaks. he lets his legs basically give out and he falls forward into ghosts chest, gripping at his shirt. ghost doesnt miss a beat and catches him, moving to pull him away to look him in the eyes again but pausing at the sobbing whine that soap releases when he shifts.

"what do you need, johnny?"

"jus'... hold me, please."

and so simon does. he wraps his arms around soap, walks them out of the doorway, closing and locking the door, and he settles both of them onto his bed. soap clings to him all night, and ghost doesnt stop him. he simply holds him tight and whispers reassurances into his hair.

[grugruel]

An Affair to Remember

Pairing: Collegue!Bucky x f!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You've worked with Bucky for quite some time now, from his first greeting and charming smile your affection for him bloomed. Although you kept your crush a secret, you couldnt help but very subtly flirt with him. He's much older, and well.. happily married. Which you wouldnt ever want to ruin, but theres no risk of that ever happening since he would never want you anyway.. right?

Warnings: Age-gap (reader over 20), adultry, slight smut (more to come), jealousy. Let me know what I missed!

Word count: ±4k

AN: Hello! Its my first time writing EVER. Its also my first time really postning anything on tumblr, so go easy on me. But if you do have any notes to make my writing better please let me know! :)

--

My phone rang disturbingly loud, waking me in a startle. I jolted out of bed and franaticly searched for the source of the sound, laying concealed somewhere in my sheets. I became increasingly annoyed the more times the signal repeated itself, but it stopped soon after. Making the phone harder to find and me more agitated.

I eventually found it, noticing several missed calls from Hannah my bestfriend and collegue. Still drousy, I could't bother to call her back so I splayed out on the bed and waited for her to call me again. The rain tapping on my window had me drifting off to sleep, but just then the phone rung.

Disturbed from my sleep yet again, I answered the call asuming it would be her 'God its like 5 in the morning, why the fuck are you calling me?'

'Calm down now girl, by that reaction I presume I woke you up.' The voice on the other end chuckled.

I quirked my brow, last I checked Hannah was not a man, she was usually this sassy however. I looked at the number, not recognizing it and answered with a weary sigh 'Uhm, yes actually. Who is this again?'

'Dont you recognice my voice?' He laughed, 'It's Bucky' and just like that my morning was fixed in the flash of a second. I have been crushing on my married collegue for months at this point and I was fully aware how immoral it was.

Bucky continued 'I talked to Hannah this morning and she said you hadn't been answearing your phone and probably overslept, so I thought I'd give it a try myself.'

Overslept? I looked at the clock on my phone, the tiny letters appearing blurred by my tired eyes, I made them out to be 9:15. My face dropped as, 'Holy shit, I fucking overslept!' I exclamied and he laughed again, 'Yeah, not by a small margin either. We have that meeting today aswell, starting in 15, remember?'

I stumbled around my bedroom, phone in hand searching for aproppriate work clothes. 'I totally forgot' I chuckled, grabbig a tight white tee, a pair of bootcut jeans and struggled to get them on. One of my nails got stuck on a seam in the jeans, making the nail rip. I involuntarily let out a pained whine 'oh, fuck me!' not thinking to much of it and with no time to spare I just got my jeans on and headed for the bathroom to do my makeup.

'Hannah was the one supposed to pick me up' I sighed, 'Buck, you dont suppose you could be a gentleman and pick me up?' I asked sheepishly, 'Im sure I'll find a way to repay you' I said, mostly joking.

There was no answer on the other end, 'Buck, you there?' I asked, but still nothing. I thought I could hear breathing but chucked it up to a bad signal, 'Bucky?'.

Finally there was noise, Bucky cleared his throat and a strained voice came through 'Mmh right, I already told Hannah to go ahead and join the meeting and I'd come pick you up instead, I'll be there in about 15 minutes. If thats alright with you of course.'

'Yes. That'd be great! See you soon' I said and he hung up. I finished my makeup, put some of my best perfume on considering I'd be in close quarters with Bucky. I grabbed my bag, headphones and other necessities, put on my black plateu boots and looked out through my window. The rain was still pouring so I grabbed my black leather jacket and an umbrella aswell.

I checked to clock, 9:25. I had 5 minutes, I gave my appearance a quick once over before heading out. I looked really good, I thought. Maybe even good enough to seduce a married man thats twice my age.

About 15 minutes later Bucky pulled up in a sleek black car, I stood there with my umbrella splayed out over me, shivering.

He stepped out and opened the door for me, giving me an apologetic look. Which gave me a slight giddy feeling, because I imagined it ment that he cared for me. But it could've been because of his very appealing disheveld appearance too.

Either way, late or not. I didn't care much since I was already very late for work and beacause I was genuinley just glad to see him. I folded my umbrella, shook it of and laid it in the car. I turned to Bucky, giving him a quick hug and since I was feeling confident, a small kiss on the cheek aswell.

It made him tense up and I worried that I had crossed a line, but it was to late either way. The rained dribbled down on us, wetting our hair and leaving water stains on our shoulders. I put my hand on his bicep and looked up at him through my lashes, smiling sweetly 'Thank you for picking me up' I said, tilting my head 'but what took you so long though?'

'Nothing you need to worry about' he replied, raising his hand to brush a piece of wet hair from my face, then continued 'And sorry about this darling, it might be I that has to repay you.' he smirked, and gestured to my wet and shivering state.

I got into the car and let my imagination run free for a bit, thinking about what I hoped him "repaying" me could've ment, but I was torn out of my delusion by the sound of the car door closing on the other side. He lit the ignition and turned the heat up, then drove off.

He laid his hand on my thigh, rubbing it up and down in an effort to warm me up. His hand stilled and squeezed my knee, 'I missed you this morning you know.' he smiled.

I was to stunned to speak, beacuse we'd never never really touched eachother before. Partly out of respect for eachothers personal space, but mostly beacuse of his wife. Something had changed in us this morning, and im not sure why.

I laid my hand over his and glanced at him quickly with a shy smile. The scent of the car, along with my perfume, his cologne and the smell of our wet clothes made this moment feel like a piece of litterature. I turned my gace towards the wet roads and passing trees, enjoying this moment together.

Your reaction made him smile, all wet and pretty, acting innocent with thos big eyes and plush lips. Oh how he wished he never married.

We had settled into a comfortable silence, but my curiostiy eventually got the better of me. 'So? Im still wondering, how come it took you so long to get me?'.

He cleared his throat, 'I just, you know-' he couldn't figure out a belivable answer so he opted for a diversion instead, 'I guess I just wanted to get here in one piece, to ensure that you got to work at some point today. Why did you oversleep anyway?' He emphazied, chuckling at his bad attempt at redirecting the conversation.

His chuckle made him seem pleased with himself. He had extremly bad humor, just like a dad. I thought and decided to joke with him, saying it out loud.

It made him slightly uncomfortable at first, he let go of my knee and gripped the wheel nervously. I was afraid I had done something wrong, so I leaned closer and lightly rested my hand on his forearm 'Did I upset you Buck? Im so sorry if I did.'

'What?' He looked at her eyes, full of regret. 'Oh no darling, of course not! I was just thinking about a proper answer.' He said asuringly, 'its just that the wife and I haven't had much luck in that department'.

'No luck in the becoming a dad part or the having sex one?' I asked bluntly, my reflexes covered my mouth with my hand.

I have no idea what came over me. I immedietly regretted the question but since it was already done, I decided to play it cool and act innocent. He looked at me dumbfounded, seemingly as surprised by my bluntness as I was.

We locked eyes for a moment and I tilted my head to the side as if it was the most normal question in the world.

He couldnt help but chuckle, he would never have gussed youd ask something like that. But he answered all the same 'The latter, I suppose' he said shaking his head, barely beliving that he even answered the question.

I felt a bit bad for him, I would never derive him of sex. Since I already was in deep water and feeling as though I couldn't make it any worse. I decided to roll with my newfound bluntness.

'So.. youre sure It has nothing to do with your recently prolonged car rides, flushed cheecks, messy hair, wrinkled and half tucked shirt?' I bit my lip, waiting for his reaction.

He didnt know what to answer, he looked at you wondering if he should tell you off like a child for suggesting such things or if he should tell you the truth. That he'd been desperate for a change in his marrige and hadn't stopped thinking about you for the past weeks, that you were the only object of his desire. That when he slept with his wife he imagined you in her place, laying under him, on top of him, stading on your knees infront of him or bent over the nearest surfice. That he stopped sleeping with his wife beacuse she just didnt do it for him anymore.

Or that he didn't want to tell you that when he hung up your call this morning, he had driven to a secluded parking spot and jacked of while thinking of the whine he heard you make over the phone.

He decided to dismiss your question because he still loved his wife after all and didnt want to ruin their marrige. But at the very same time a part of him still hoped you'd thought of him the way he had thought of you.

'Im sure I dont know what you mean' was all he could say, giving you a quick look and a smirk.

I didnt want to push my luck any further, so I decided to accept his answer and let the subject rest. We continued the rest of of the ride in silence, enjoying the sound of the rain smattering on the roof.

10 minutes later we arrived to work and Bucky opened to door for me again. He took my hand and helped me out, locked the car and we hurried our way inside the building to avoid getting even more wet. The lobby was empty since everyone was presumably already in the meeting, which we had hoped to make it in time for at least half of it.

Bucky laid his hand on the small of your back as the two of you walked to the elevator, he felt it was a justified action since you were in a hurry. But as you were waiting for the elevator to arrive, his hand lingered for a moment longer than what propriety called for. He looked at you, searching for your gaze and hoping to find any sign of mutual affection.

I looked up at him and the amount of butterflies I got was indescribable, his eyes met mine. The eyecontact accompanied by his touch, his cologne and his closeness made my knees go weak. I took a step closer to him closer to him and he started massaging circles into my back with his thumb and you hummed appreciatively in response.

That was all the confirmstion he needed.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, we stepped inside. He lets go of my back for a second to push the button to our floor and waits for the doors to close before he places the hand even lower on my back, right at the curve of my ass. I leaned against him, grabbing a fist of his jacket and gaze up at him with big doe eyes and a truly, innocent expression this time.

He meets your eyes, the sight before him makes him absolutley ravenous. He squeezed your ass firmly with one hand and as you whined in response grabbed your throat lightly in the other. You looked mesmerized and the thought of you letting him be in controll this way made him stiffen up. He slid his hand to the back of your neck and traced his thumb along your jaw as he inched closer to your face.

His lips a mere ghost over mine, feeling his breath on my skin is the most erotic thing to ever happen to me. Barely a second away from a kiss, the elevator grinds to a halt three floors to early. Taking me completley by surpries, it caused my feet to become unsteady. Bucky grabbed my hips quickly, helping me find my footing as the elevators made that ding. He lets go of my hips and moves his hands up to my shoulders in the matter of a second, just as the doors open.

'Whoa there! A bit light on your feet huh?' Bucky says while laughing as three suit-clad men step inside. 'Hey Barnes, there you are! Good god, man. You look like you've been sailing!' The tall one says and they all laugh, including Bucky.

I was a bit annoyed by Buckys quick rejection of me but brushed it of as I understood his reasoning, he was married after all, and I didnt really want to be know as the adultress whore either.

The doors close again, 'Well its pouring out there Mr. Tanner, sir. Did we miss the meeting?' He asks the the tall man, who im just realising is our boss. 'No It actually went on longer than excpected, we took a quick brake and are headed back up there right now.'

Mr. Tanner looks back at me, raising his eyebrow 'And whos this drenched little thing?' He says and smiles at me, slightly appaled by his audacity, but he was lean and handsome and I didnt want to lose my job so I smile back. 'Im from your group sir, collegue to Mr. Barnes, sir. He gave me a ride to work.' I say as proffesionally I can muster and extend my hand for him to shake.

He takes it, bows down and kisses the back of it, letting his lips linger and glances up at me 'How good of him' the man says and gives Bucky a side eye, 'It's a pleasure, miss. I hope I'll be seeing more of you from now on.'

'Same goes you for Mr. Tanner, sir.' I say and glance at Bucky, who's face have fallen. Much to my pleasure, Bucky appears to be..? I cant distinguish it between jealousy or protectiveness. The elevator halts again, dinging and the doors slide open.

'I'll see you two in the meeting then' Mr. Tanner says with a nod. He then turns to me before walking out, 'make sure to stop by my office girl, sooner rather than later.' He winks at me. Bucky gives him a curt nod 'We'll be there in a minute sir.' He says, forcing a smile and the men walk out.

I look at Bucky, shrugging my shoulders as if what just happened were no big deal and seeing his furious gaze made giggle. I step out of the elevator with Bucky close on my heel. We were a few feet away from the door to the conference room when he side-steped me, grabbed my wrist and pulled me around the corner.

Bucky hade never felt jelousy so strong before, not even for his own wife. Yet he could kill that man for even slightly touching you. When you were out of sight, he forcefully pressed your back up against a wall and placed his hand next to your head, leaning over you. The look of pure innocent excitement on your face made him want to tear you apart.

I had never been with anyone in this way before, I had slept with boys my own age of course. But it couldnt compare, it felt nothing as exciting as this, I could almost feel the wetness pooling between my legs. Bucky inched closer again, determined not to let anything come in our way again, he closed the distance. Our lips met in a feverish frenzy and I completley melted into him, he wrapped his other arm around my back to help me stand upright and then pressed his body closer to mine. There were no distance left between us and I could feel his bulge pressing up against my thigh, I looped one leg around his hip making his bulge hit that sweet spot and I rocked my hips against him, making my jeans cause the perfect friction. He let out a breathy moan which was music to my ears, I could've come undone from the sound of his moan alone. I leaned my head back against the wall and grabbing a fistful of his hair, lightly pulling on it, making him whine inbetween his furious kisses.

Along your jaw and down your neck he kissed and ripped you shirt by the neckline to get better access to that sweet spot inbetween your throat and collarbone. You yelped in surprise which only spurred him on further, becoming even more agressive with it. He couldn't tell his own moans apart from yours at this point and it drove him mad.

Your bliss was interrupted when you heard a voice.

'Oh my god' The woman said, her jaw dropping to the floor. We stopped in our tracks, Bucky let go of me and turned away from her, breathing furiously. I look at the ground gathering myself before facing her. Ready for whatever consequences our actions would hand us, I smoothed my hair and clothes out, cleared my throat and turned towards the woman. I had not realised how tense my face had become until that moment, for when I saw who it was I immedietly relaxed 'Hannah, thank god its you.'

'Are you insane?!' She exclaimed in a hushed voice, 'What if it had been literally anyone other than me?' her jaw was still practically on the floor. I walked up to her while Bucky was still collecting himself, waiting for certain parts of him to calm down.

Altough still in shock, she seemed to be proud 'I really cant belive this, in the office too? You're bold girl.' She said, changing to a whisper 'Good for you honestly, you got him at last huh?' I looked at her nodded excitedly and bit my lip. My crush on Bucky was of course no news to her.

'We really need to get inside before our dissaperance raise any suspicions, but I want all the details later, ok?' she looked me inte the eyes, and I nodded yes. She gave my appearence a once over, 'Girl your eyes were running? And did he rip your shirt?' She the shirt between her fingers and gasps, jealousy tinting her voice 'My goodness what an animal, good job you.' She said and pointed at Bucky, giving a smirk and he chuckled.

Hannah touched up my makeup then took my hand and we began walking around to corner towards to conference room, I gave Bucky one last look as we walked inside.

Me and Hannah sat at the end of the table and Bucky joined the rest of us a few minutes later, taking a seat next to Mr. Tanner. He was looking as dapper as always, as if nothing ever happened.

Hannah leaned in closer to me and whispered 'You're coming to the party with me tonight right?'

'Party?' I questioned.

'Yeah, the firm's been doing good and their celebrating' she replied, 'Im sure Bucky will be there' she said with smile tugging at the corner of her lips. I looked at her, eyes gleaming with mischief and then glanced at Bucky.

'I wouldnt miss it for the world.'

[oh-its-souichi]

Hurt

Dabi x Reader

Warning - Im really in my Dabi era, mentions of burns, angst yeah

"It hurts so much" you sobbed gripping at your bleeding and scorched leg. "Fuck know baby, I know" Dabi scrammbled the smell of your burnt flesh like cyanide gas to his head. He was collecting whatever he from inside the piece of shit apartment he shared with you.

His hands were tremmbling and for the first time in a long time he felt genuinely afraid. Genuinely guilty, his chest hurt and he wanted to gnash his teeth behave like the beast he apparently was.

Your sobs became more desperate and you were looking him with the most excruciating eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that were red and puffy. Eyes that didnt deserve to look that way.

He hadnt meant to light you up. You guys got jumped in the back alley. He reacted before acknowledging your presence beside him. You were never with him when he had to fight so when he blasted out a fountain of hell on the heros in front of him it was a genuine suprise to see you be consumed by them as well.

He slammed on the bathtub, filling it with cool water. Rushing back to your side he gingerly removed your clothes and held you tighly to his body. "Come on baby this will help, this will make the pain go away okay?" He spoke to you but the words sounded more for his benefit. Reassurance to himself your pain would go away.

You buried your face into his neck sobbing quietly now. "Im sorry baby" he whispered gruffly. "Im a shitbag, Im so fucking dumb" he said. He walked back into the bathroom and sat you gently into the tub letting the water run over your burns. You hissed looking pleadingly up to him but he turned away. You started to kick away from the water trying to get it off of your skin but he tightened his grip on your legs and forcing them under. "Touya!" You cried out.

He felt his eyes start to sting and water but he forced it away, not daring to let his eyes meet your face. "Just let me wash it off dammit" he said, his voice faultering.

He gently tended to the burns painfully aware of your sobs and pleads, eventually though your cries turned to whimpers and he was relieved.

"Its been about ten minutes so I think youre good" he said turning off the faucett and casting a glance at you. You were sitting there with your arms crossed, puffy and vibrant eyes locked onto the wall. He wanted you to look at him coo in his ear and make him feel like a human again. "Baby.." he whispered, almost a plead.

You looked at him your eyes drooping "Im tired you whispered and he nodded. "Yeah, fair" he said reaching for a towel off the rack, throwing it over his shoulder. You went to stand but he shook his hand at you comfortabley sliding his arms under your upper legs and back.

In the bedroom he dried you off and tucked you sweetly into bed. He planted soft kisses on your forehead and stroked your hair back out of your face.

He felt like he would collapse, a swirl of relentless anxiety bombarding his thoughts. He wanted to plead with you, beg for you to still love him, plead with you to look at him like you used to. Instead though he knelt by you staring at your beautiful face and running his hands through your hair.

Once you eyes closed he let silent tears fall.

He hated himself for this.

Hated himself for the pain you always seemed to be in. If it wasnt physical it was emotional. He cast a painful look back at you and sighed shakily.

You were sleeping peacefully, your pain contorted face finally back to normal, relaxed and serene.

He knew when you woke up it would twist back up, and for how long after thay he didnt know. He couldnt take you to the dr. So to ease it he would have to find a different way.

He wiped the tears out of his eyes and dropped his gaze from you to the floor. "Fuck" he cursed.

He thought he might be able to ask All for One but for a love interest Dabi didnt think he would offer his hand, but it was worth a shot.

Dabi stood up with another heavy sigh and looked back at you placing a small kiss on your forehead before turning his back and walking to the door. "I'll be back baby" he said gruffly before disapearing out of the apartment.

[pesterloglog]

Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde

Page 99-105

JADE: the prince’s power grows.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

JADE: i feel him resonate through the void.

KARKAT: FUCKING GREAT.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second

DAVE: also are you ok

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM!

KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN!

JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario.

KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

KARKAT: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?

DAVE: yeah i may be totally misunderstanding the intricacies of "next gen technology" designed by an idiot in microshorts

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door

JADE: i unlocked it with my mind.

DAVE: fuck

KARKAT: FANTASTIC.

JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

KARKAT: WOW? COOL? AND YOU HAD TO COME IN HERE AT THE ASSCRACK OF THE MORNING TO TELL US THIS?

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

JADE: ...

KARKAT: OH, IS THAT ALL? NOTHING ELSE TO SAY?

DAVE: karkat its fine

DAVE: who cares

KARKAT: YEAH. YOU’RE RIGHT.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE WE ACTUALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO WAKE UP FOR.

KARKAT: GO BACK TO BED.

DAVE: no dude im up fuck it

DAVE: i want coffee

KARKAT: FUCK! FINE! FUCK IT.

KARKAT: I NEED TO USE THE GAPER ANYWAY.

DAVE: oh me too

KARKAT: DON’T FOLLOW ME.

ROXY: oh what up

ROXY: its a whole ass pajama party up in here

ROXY: couldnt sleep??

KARKAT: JADE WOKE US UP BY BEING CREEPY.

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jade why did u do that

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US!

ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess

ROXY: it be like that

KARKAT: I PREFERRED WHEN ALL SHE DID WAS FLOAT AROUND AND POINT AT SHIT.

KARKAT: AT LEAST THAT WAS QUIET.

DAVE: yall want coffee

ROXY: sure

KARKAT: YEAH, THANKS.

DAVE: hate to give it up to venture capitalism but this coffee is EONS better than the garbage we had on the meteor

DAVE: this ship is maybe the dumbest thing ive ever looked at but its a give and take right

ROXY: maybe u just developed a taste for it

ROXY: i used to think coffee tasted like ass but drinkin it was another thing i felt like my mom woulda done

ROXY: turns out rose drinks tea and i stockholmed my own dumb butt into liking this addictive bean juice

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now

ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away

ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU UP ANYWAY?

ROXY: well i wasnt but then somebody screamed like a rooster boned a teapot and had a noisy lovechild

DAVE: yeah thats basically accurate

KARKAT: FUCK YOU.

DAVE: maybe if youre lucky

KARKAT: THAT JOKE STOPS BEING FUNNY WHEN WE’VE ACTUALLY

KARKAT: UH

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

ROXY: lmao

ROXY: in the fridge

DAVE: wheres kanaya

ROXY: idk

ROXY: sleepin i hope

ROXY: last time i saw her she was on the second floor

ROXY: no

ROXY: the third floor observation deck

ROXY: this place is huge

KARKAT: PLEASE.

KARKAT: IT’S MAYBE A TENTH THE SIZE OF THE METEOR.

DAVE: yeah dude but that was basically a city

DAVE: this is more like a castle

DAVE: a castle of idk

DAVE: twenty something ennui

ROXY: anybody hungry

ROXY: i was thinkin about alchemizing some pancakes

ROXY: or maybe eggs

ROXY: they all basically taste the same at the end of the day i think alchemized food is like eighty percent imagination

ROXY: but both of you barely eat and its making me anxious

DAVE: damn thanks mom

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: shit

DAVE: dad

DAVE: roxy

DAVE: fuck sorry im tired

ROXY: haha its ok

ROXY: dont worry about it

DAVE: okay but just because our relatives turned evil doesnt mean we have to act like total animals

DAVE: we can still try to respect each others identities and shit

DAVE: anyway im gonna go check on kanaya

DAVE: possessed jade dont follow me

JADE: i am fine where i am.

DAVE: cool

[everyothernamistaken]

chaos

so like the conclusion of my stupidity, tech week has dawned upon me, it fucking sucks and fuckint hell my father woke up just to yell about random shit why does he do this but anyways so they drafted me to do spotlights, ive nwver done a theater thint and i never will again becaude a decent chunk of the ppl there make me quesrion my sanity but basicly i spendlike 6 hours a day in a box in the celing inhailing probably toxic fumes from rhe light wich burns my hands because it was designed by a idior who must have been blind cause you cant aim it and rhe handles are conected to the several hundred degree loghts so that sucjs, also they never trained me they litterslt sent me up and told me to turn nobs till i know what im doing. Concequently, i might ruin a entire musical! Also chucklenuts mcvehicularmanslaughter was for some unholy reason back which is strange because he moved and got dumped by my ex who i apparently was never going out with, but yeah that was weird but then i demolished those theater kids in music trivia. Then this one girl i kicked in the face like a few months ago kept talking to me, i think i saw her taking pictures of me earlier which is weird but she rambles alot and im not sure how to feel about her maybe its morbid curiosity like she is a small bit nuts(most hyperactiver person ive seen recently) but like entertaining to whitness. Also despite havint no freerime i have to write a amicus curae thing for school and i do NOT want to do that. Also the onlything ive eaten in the past like since tursday (5days) is like peanutbuuter jelly sandwiches beef jerky and cheeze its so im eatin good. Also for like the first time in 10 years i had a caffene becayse my mother doesnt buy coffee with cafeene so like idk i drank tea and then wad hyperactive for like 6 hours and nearly punched a compjter because it was slow i couldnt sit still today but then like ibgot really tired durring being in the box and i rhink the fog macheenes and fumes were getting to be because i nearly passed out.also the box was full of dust when we got it bevause like we were the first to go up there in like a year so we spent 2 houra cleaninf it and my eyes were burning. Also yesterday when i was wating by the door up to the box area, some girl walked by me and in like the most depreced way possible said hi to me which was like reallg wierd because like i think i have pissed off peiple i do not know as opposed to mepissing off people i do know

I dont feel good rn i need a nap nap i need to be snug as a bug i am snug as a bug like on god i am cozy rnbut my hair is wet which is hell, ik some people like sleeping with wet hair but they are also insane so idk

[wrdn-tabris]

a little life update :-)

(pls help i need advice)

so

i have this friend. two friends actually. i went to visit them recently (june)

friend 1, lets call her cat had asked friend two, lets call her bee, to move down with her. bee agreed. issues immediately started. bee was off her meds and didnt want to get back on them, and started picking fights with cat, treating her badly and etc bc thats what bee used to do when she still lived with her mom. pick fights when her mood dropped and get into screaming matches (tho its not like her mom didnt also pick fights with her)

cats telling me abt this at this time and i feel bad bc i feel like i wasnt being a good friend mostly bc i didnt have the energy to hear abt how terrible it was going for her. i was going thru a lot when it started which isnt her fault or my fault, but i feel bad for not being more supportive. so cat stopped telling me abt it, bc i didnt know what to do or how to fix things. i thought stuff resolved itself but i went and visited and it hasnt. really.

so i arrive. bee doesnt come with cat to pick me up, which, ok disappointing but i understood she was tired. she didnt come to eat with us either. which also sad

next day cat asks for some rent money to get herself lunch, bc she forgot to make smth to eat before leaving and cat couldnt and wouldnt give their rent money so she could get lunch. so she asked us to bring her lunch from mcdonalds if she ordered somthing bc she had points on the app, and we had to decide tht if we are driving tht far out to where she works we might as well do something over there. cat asks if we should invite her partner with us and i agreed bc i wanted to meet him. we go to pick up her lunch, she asks me to buy her something rather than ordering smth off the app, which, feels :/ to assume ill just buy it for her. i would have if she asked but she just sent me her order. mybe an asshole move of my to say 'uhhh sure if ur able to order it off the app???'

get the food, fight thru traffic to get to her, have to fight thru parking traffic to get out of where she works. we end up visiting this old military fort and hang out for a few hours and when we come back we think bee is asleep. its like. 7:30? 8:00?

so i try to inflate the blow up bed i got for them to use for when they have other guests sleep over and me and cats bf wake her up while im trying to figure out how to work it so she comes out and snaps at us. i apologize for being loud, promise to be quieter but im inflating the air mattress so i might be loud for a few minutes. the ENTIRE time im inflating it shes standing there arms crossed glaring at us and clearing her throat the entire time. and maybe its just me but??? i find that to be a little fucking rude tbqh. me and the bf are guests and its making me feel unwelcome and regretting the money i spent to come visit her. anyways cat comes out from the bathroom bc bee is still there clearing her throat with her arms crossed even after i finished fixing up the air mattress, and its quiet as hell bc me and bf are both uncomfy. cat gets mad and upset bc were guests in their home and she shouldnt be treating her like tht. shes upset we woke her up but surprise surprise shes even MORE upset i met cats partner before hers bc she wanted it to all be 'together' even tho i agreed to meet bf bc i did! want to meet him! and that we went to the fort without her.

anyways.

i apologize to her abt that bc i wanted to meet him but shes like 'no cat knew i wanted to do this thing' which fair.

the rest of the week goes ok. i get to meet her partner and theyre so nice and funny and i was super excited to meet them. we hit off great. we get lunch with one of cats friends, bee remarks abt 'oh i used to get so upset abt ppl being happier than me, enjoyed making ppl unhappy and would go out of my way to do so, bc i didnt like that they were happy and i wasnt' i buy bee a present for her birthday and u kno week ends i go home, and turns out bees partner comes out to her abt some things and bee freaks out, gets super upset and reacts really poorly. starts crying and going off abt being betrayed and etc.

turns out partner breaks up with her the next day bc they were uncomfortable with the reaction and then she starts crying and going off again abt feeling betrayed and upset and wanting to kill herself and tht they told her they loved her and would never leave and etc etc etc amongst other 'its not faiiiir' reactions. i still hold the opinion she was upset bc they broke up with her first.

cat calls her out for her behavior and that shes saying some very inappropriate things and tht ex isnt an awful person. bee ends up demanding all the gifts she gave ex back and wanted to know what ex would be doing with special gifts they got her before they both broke up.

i honestly end up quite. disgusted? with her behavior bc any time she broke up with someone while she lived separately from cat, shed ghost us and wed only get her side of the story. cat all but ends up moving in with her partner bc bee refuses to clean up after herself and keeps making a mess of things and its just a bad living situation.

cat tells bee tht shes not thinking of renewing their lease at the end of the year bc she cant handle living like this and bee lashes out. ends up making a mess of their kitchen and breaking some of cats things.

she also uses special non stick stuff of cats and uses metal on it (which ur not supposed to do) and keeps using cats own dishes and dishes she got from her grandma and doesnt clean them or anything.

my thing is. i dont know what to do. i kinda wanna stop our friendship bc im upset at how shes treating our other mutual friend. but i dont know if i should talk to her bc ive asked cat if i should try and talk to her to get her to see tht shes not being a good friend and cats told me not to, mostly bc she refuses to see shes wrong. im leaning towards wanting to follow her advice bc she has been living with bee but also it feels so scummy not to say anything esp when i know shes going to be going thru a difficult time in the next few months. however if i talk to her, i dont want to cause her to lash out at bee or have any of her things that are still at their apartment broken bc bees already proven to lash out and break other peoples things when shes upset at them, and i dont want to make it any worse for her.

bee would tend to ghost us when she was stll living with her mother, so much so tht we wouldnt hear from her for weeks or months, esp when she was feeling bad. i would try to reach out to her just to make sure she was fucking alive lmao. im worried if i were to reach out and ask abt all this and end with our friendship splitting off, shed do something drastic like hurt herself. i want to reach out and try to salvage what i feel is a dissolving friendship but i also dont want to be friends with this type of person unless shes worked on herself. i still love and care for her but like i know who i would stick by if i had to which... feels bad to say and sucks but th fact is i am closer with cat, mostly bc when bee would ghost us me and cat would still talk and we have more in common.

i want to talk and ask her why she would do and say these things and treat ppl she loves like this but ive been told not to but it would feel wrong not to at least. reach out. i dont know what to do.

AITA?

[therealpontius]

Draw me like one of your french girls

Cute fluff that came to me while drawing chris

Warnings: humiliation

You where working with the jackass cast. Basically the maid, bring them food, drinks and go out and buy stuff if they decided they needed it last minute. You had gotten quite close to the boys and obviously that came with a nickname, ‘fairy godmother’ was yours.

Days on set werent that busy, you drew alot to pass the time and often your drawings would get a heartagram or scribble over them by bam, chris was the only one who stuck up for you in these situations “bam stop being a prick” chris would say looking over your shoulder at the ruined art work “its what i do best” bam would reply slyly “too fucking right” chris would mutter under his breath into your ear making you giggle.

It would be the biggest lie in the world if you said u didnt crush on pontius alot. You would find yourself turning guys down because you felt like you wouldnt be able to live with having to see chris everyday. Yeah okay maybe there was no flirting between you and chris but he was just a breath of fresh air compared to the others. If you seemed down he would wait behind and make sure if you where okay so that he didnt embarrass you infront of the others.

This day inparticular was so quite, most the boys where off apart from bam, ryan, johnny and chris. Chris only had one bit to film but decided to hang out with you all day in the tent. You where both tired and you where drawing so he was alittle quieter than usual, staring off into space since nothing was distracting his hyperactive brain. You took your chance and decided to draw him, had to be quick tho so that he didnt move away. 20 minutes later the drawing was REALLY coming together, maybe it was because how passionate you where about him but you really done a good job.

*SNATCH* in your horror the picture was snached from you as soon as you took your pencil off it and you looked behind you to see bam, ryan and johnny laughing at it “what?” Chris laughed, nothing was funny but the sound of his three friends laughing made him giggle too. Behind you where the four men staring at your drawing, your face bright red. All you could do was walk away and tell jeff you where sick.

That night you couldnt even eat, your body greased with anxiety. You didnt get the picture back, you didnt even try to talk to any of the boys or try snatch it back. God what if he doesnt like me and now he thinks im a total weirdo. You couldnt help but toss and turn for hours.

The thing you dreaded most happened. You woke up. You didnt try to look better, just shoved on mom jeans and a crop top. This time you didnt bring your note pad. Parking outside work and seeing chris’s truck felt like needles in your shoes, instead of going to your usual seat you hovered around the cameras.

An hour had passed and you felt a soft tap on your shoulder, you turned round to see chris. A blush peppered over his cheeks “i.. um” he handed you a peace of paper and you looked at it blushing too. “I thought id try and draw you too. I really liked your drawing of me” the squiggly drawing was of you. At the top of the drawing it said ‘fairy godmother’ and had little hearts scattered around it. You giggled slightly and lifted your head to see his face bright red, you placed a long kiss on his cheek leaving red lipstick behind “chris cmon its time to film!” Jeff shouted pulling chris away, the kiss that he was unaware of still left on his cheek…

[gaywatercolors]

okey so to everyone asking here comes the full bf drama in poll form so you can give me your opinions, comments explaining further are very appreciated cause i'm a mess rn and can't think straight

i was dating this guy since october, we weren't exclusive yet but neither of us is talking or seeing anyone else, we were pretty serious, spent time with each others families, travelled together and such. We were thinking about making it more official now.

NOW valentine's day, he asked me to spend it with him like 2 weeks in advance, we made plans and it was a date. Night before we both have the stomach flu so we agree to see each other in a chill way but not going out anywhere. Valentine's day we both woke up feeling awful and things weren't getting better along the day so we agreed to pospone it for another day cause truly neither of us could leave our houses, we were sad we couldnt see each other but it is what it is. The issue is he texted me about 6 pm that he felt better so he went to the park with some girl friend???? he didn't even consider coming to see me as i still felt awful. And to make things worst on New years happened the exact same thing, we had plans to see each other that night since before christmas, and he texted me at 6 pm on december 31 saying this same girl was feeling kinda down so he was going out with her instead.

Now he doesn't understand how both events are the exact same thing, him prioritizing this girl over me on special dates, and he gets angry at me for bringing it up.

We spent all day discussing what happened, why it hurted me so much and his point of view, and we didn't really come up with any solutions so he went to work and then back to my house to discuss it further. The whole night he avoided the subject, we had an amazing evening, had fun together, fucked, laugh, kiss and cuddle a lot, but when it was getting late i brought it up again because for me it wasn't just case closed and nothing happened. Then he got angry at me and left immediatly, and proceeded to insult me through voice notes, gaslighting me and not even listening what i had to say.

SO i just asked for a bit of time to get my mind straight and think if this is something i can forgive and we can move on from it or if it's a dealbreaker for me, we were both tired it was 4 am here and we weren't coming to any agreement so we decided to just talk about it further another day, because as we had a nice night he expected to be all forgive and forget, and i just couldn't do that.

so i don't fucking know what to do, i'm a pretty romantic person, so this kind of dates mean a lot to me, but he says for him it's just a regular day and i should think about how much he cares about me everyday and not be fixed on stupid dates.

[bronwiebear-brad]

I was in the mood so I knew I had to write something inspired on would you

“Good luck, B” you said hugging him, your arms wrapping his figure like you did everytime.

“Thank you” he kissed the top of your head.

When you looked up he leanned down to kiss you. When you pulled apart he noticed how you left your eyes open during the kiss. And that hurt him.

“Do you still love me?” He asked out of nowhere on a saturday night just as he was about to leave the backstage room for a concert.

“What do you mean?” You asked confused. You were pretty sure he knew how much you loved him because you were always showing him.

“It is a simply yes or no question, Y/N”

“ Yeah I know, but I don’t uderstand why are you asking me that”

“Your answer explains everything” he looked down sarcastically smiling.

“That question came out of nowhere, Brad. Why are you doing this right now?”

“Because i need to know” he looked at you. His eyes were dark. He had a serious expression.

“Wh-“ you wanted to know more about where this conversarion led but someone interrupted.

“Guys, 10 seconds to come up on stage”

“We’ll talk later. Or not. I don’t know anymore.”he turned around and left you.

This was probably the worst thing he could do to you. Leaving you at least 4 hours overthinking about you and your relation. He know how anxious you would get but at this point he couldnt care less.

Everyone went up on the stage and you stood there in the dressing room with the famillies. James stood behind resting, because his voice condition, he noticed the interaction between you and his bandmate. You looked at him and he gave you a pitty look, he was trying so hard to not say anything.

Instead you gave him a reasuring smile and he gentle caressed your back.

…

Every song he sang that night made him think of you and every time he closed his eyes your eyes were looking straight into his. It was consuming him.

“Thank you Birminghan, that was a crazy show” you heard him say and the venue went crazy.

He looked at them and saw happiness. He remembered when he felt that way.

It was a long time.

He started to notice when you stopped waiting for him on the driveway when he came from work. You used to jump on his arms and hug him tight.

But not anymore.

There were a few times when you refused to go with him to red carpet events, dinner parties amd eventually casual dates.

You stopped waiting for him at the airport arrivals gate when he was away touring.

But when you stopped kissing him goodnight before bed thats when he noticed it.

He had lost you.

The whole ride from the venue to the hotel was silent. The tension between you and him could be cut with a knife. You were pretty sure the uber driver was looking at you through the mirror and wondering why you two didn’t talk.

“When did you stop loving me?” He asked closing the bedroom door.

“Brad we don’t have to do this right now, you need to rest” you said grabbing your things all over the room.

“See? You don’t even deny it!” He sat on the bed defeated.

“I do love you” you stopped what you were doing and looked at him.

“Fuck, I know that I’m never going to stop loving you.” You said.

For a split second his eyes filled with hope.

“So don’t “ he desperately said.

“But I can’t love you the same” you continue and his heart dropped. You sat beside him on the bed. Your knees touching.

“Brad, im tired to be always waiting. I cant live my life feeling that im always waiting for something. I can count on my fingers the amount of times I woke up in the morning and you were there smiling at me and ready to holding me tight…”

“I try to be present…”

“I know babe, it’s not your fault. You can’t compromise your job. Its what you do and you’re pretty fucking good at it.” You tried to make him smile and bumped his shoulder playfully. He lose a little but not enought.

“But I deserve to be happy too. Not spend my life waiting for you. Counting the days I’ll get to see you.”

“We’re going to find a way. I know we will. Just please don’t leave me” he said looking at you and grabbing your hands gently. His eyes were looking straight into yours.

“We tried already, darling” you said. Your hand caressed his face and he closed his eyes feling your touch.

“I can’t be that jealous with myself. And I know you’ll understand” you continued.

“i know that you’ll let go because you really love me” your hand traveled down and touched his chest right were his heart was.

“I can’t let you go, i love you” he said. You noticed his eyes filling with water. And you were breaking too.

“My darling i am nothing without you”

“Brad, you’re incredible without me. You just need to wait to see.”

He was listening you quietly. Few Tears were silently falling of his eyes and you cleaned them with your hands.

“You’ll became this better version of yourself. You’ll see how strong you are.” At this point you were sobbing too.

“And you’ll find someone like you.” He nodded no.

“She will be amazing and she’ll love you a lot, because its impossible not to”

“You’ll find someone like you”

[awsugar]

im on effexor instead of lexapro now but i still have exactly the same dream related side effects!! they’re so in depth and hours long and they’re either mundane as fuck, like i go to work or take an exam or go the supermarket and make dinner, all in real time. or they’re off the wall insane and still intensely vivid, sometimes deeply disturbing and stressful, sometimes cool, sometimes just. what the fuck is happening in my subconscious.

i had an mcr concert dream in which the venue was really shit (but had great food) and they were playing on a stage to the left of everyone, and they opened w vampire money and then gerard did a ‘magic trick’ to vanish (clearly covered by a sheet) and they brought motionless on white on stage to finish the set doing bad covers. but frank was heckling them from side stage the whole time for being cheaters (i know nothing about the marital status of motionless in white so fuck knows where this came from)

anyway this was just one facet of another very long and confusing dream. but yeah. antidepressants have some weird side effects, i often wake up tired because i feel like i’ve just been through a four hour ordeal in my mind instead of sleeping. it’s easier to lucid dream too if you’ve noticed that? hope u aren’t getting too many stress dreams, i think mine settled after a while on a stable lexapro dose <3

omfg that is so funny. and yea my last med i was on for years, saphris, gave me crazy fucking dreams but in a different way. they were way more like. idk. abstract?? like not related to real life at all. just really really bizarre and vivid. but it was moslty in the beginning of when i was taking that one, i stopped remembering my dreams nearly as much after a while. but so far on lexapro its every single night. and yea, they go on for hours. i know they say you only dream for like 15 minutes but i do not think thats true, on lexapro at least. im CONFIDENT that im dreaming for wayyyy longer than that. i did try to google to see if anyone else was talking about lexapro dreams online and i couldnt really find anything?? but i did find something that said lexapro has an effect on your dreams in which is pushes your REM cycle back to last few hours of sleep, and i totally feel like thats true because like my basic sleep schedule is set an alarm for like 9am because im being optimistic about being able to get out of bed and then i like always set an alarm for later and go back to sleep, and that time im sleeping in the morning is when im mostly having these dreams. or like sometimes both. ill have a crazy dream and wake up to my first alarm and text my friends about it and then i go back to sleep and when i wake up im like 'i had another one'.

but the lucid dream thing, yes!! i havent really had lucid dreams on lexapro yet, but i had multiple lucid dreams on saphris. again, they were more concentrated during the first couple months of me taking it. i think last week during one of my dreams though i did realize i was asleep and i decided i wanted to wake up but it was different, and i 'woke up' but it was still in the dream. like i dreamt that i woke up but i actually hadnt. if that makes sense. im actually hoping i can get to the point of lucid dreaming on lexapro though because thats something i miss. i like being able to control it like. its fun. realizing youre dreaming and have full control so you decide to hang out with mcr. LOL.

[chronicallyillphoenix]

Been busy nonstop since i woke up (7:30am) and i am so fucking tired and irritable. I still have up to 1.5 hours of class left (i am hoping that we end early)

The most relaxing point of today was probably honestly that ABI test at my cardios at like 9:30am. I just got to lay there and listen to my bloodflow inside my vessels and get my bp taken and that was pretty cool to hear. The drive there took a whole hour tho (the way back had no traffic and was a little under 30 minutes to give an idea on traffic)

I had to rush to do an entire assignment during the little downtime i had between the ABI test and my psych appointment, which was probably the most stressful part of the day. It sucked. It is 100% my fault for not doing it during all of spring break and i know this, i just forgot and only focused on my other classes assignment. I am probably not going to get the best grade on this assignmnt tbh because i am not even sure if the answers to the questions were comprehensible

Psych appointment overall sucked but also its whats expected atp. Im so tired of people who know nothing about dealing with chronic pain telling me what i should do to make it better and that if im not doing xyz thing they think would help then obviously im not trying. Like maam there is a reason that i dont wear a brace during work and doing so would in fact make the pain worse and to the point that i wouldnt even be able to do my actual shift and i already am doing my pt stretches before and afterwards jesus christ. Also idk how many times i have to tell her that there a certain things that have to be done a certain way and that changing the way theyre done would make things worse overall yet i dont think she understands this. I luckily did get her to approve more emergency anxiety meds which should be helpful because it has been getting worse in general (due to stuff in therapy and also just some big life changes) and i have been avoiding taking a klonopin when needed due to only having one left. So at least theres that

I also had to go to the dentist today but i was not expected to get a whole ass root canal done today i thought i was just there for the evaluation. Which like yay it got done but also christ it cost so much and they didnt accept payment plans so i feel terrible because my mom said to go ahead and pay it and shell pay the credit card bill off in installments (or something like that i dont know how credit cards work) because she couldnt afford the full price atm. And i also have a colonoscopy thursday that also costs a lot (luckily that one we can do payment plans tho)

I am just. So tired. I just want class to be over with i dont want to think anymore i just want to go hangout with my friend and have my last meal before starting gi prep tomorrow for the colonoscopy. That is the only thing getting me through this class right now

[biscuitsngravie]

vent under cut // disability, injury

sometimes i wish i was just born with the disabilities i have now. like, im sure that i was already disabled to an extent (most teenagers don't get sick once a month for a year i dont think) but it's like

when ppl say ur one accident away from houselessness or disability they're right. cause after my first car accident i was mostly "fine" (fine enough to walk home instead of taking the ambulance cause i was scared of the cost). i was lucky that i ended up working from home for that year coincidentally enough. credit score? shot. finances? shot. but i could still "function" mostly.

then there was my second car accident. being the passenger, that quote about passengers getting the bulk of injury? yeah. couldnt walk, couldnt stand, could barely breathe. but i did it. did my at home exercises and learned how to mostly do things again. like yeah my back hurts more often than not, and i cant stand for as long as i used to, and there are these weird pains all over my torso sometimes, but im "fine."

then that fucking ladder months after my second accident. if those two didnt take me out, the ladder sealed the deal. barely able to do anything by lie down and stretch my muscles as needed. constantly on painkillers just to go to exist. and after months of physical therapy (i had to go to myself because it wasn't "far enough" to be covered, which included a minimum of an hour walk and occasionally more) im deemed good enough to go back to work for one hundred percent care. yay me.

im "totally" healed, right? buuuuut i just gotta do these back exercises every day for the rest of my life to stand and oh yeah, im at risk of scoliosis now. im "good as new," right? yeah for sure, i just need to take some form of painkiller on occasion because all the places that "used" to hurt (they never really stopped hurting) will have flair ups and, oh would you look at that, i cant walk today. i cant stand today. i cant breathe today.

im so tired. jobs dont take me seriously cause im not legally registered as disabled. but if i even put on the application or mention that ive at the minimum history of disability, they ask me if i can "handle" the job. they send me emails saying they "filled the position." so since im not "really" disabled they can just basically give me bullshit. and i would register, and i wanna register so bad! i want a prescription for a wheelchair, to get a proper crutch, or crutches when both my knees arent being agreeable. i wanna be able to sit in the fucking disability spot on the bus without people staring at me to get up just because someone with a visible disability came in or an elderly person walked on.

im tired of having to pretend that im not in constant fucking pain because im so young. young people arent disabled. black women arent disabled.

but its also so scary. to prove disability is one of the most frightening and dehumanizing processes ive heard of. even when i was doing the claim after i fell off the fucking ladder did prove to be a hassle. and that was in my favor. the fact that ive been working is definitely not gonna help the situation. "if disabled, why work? 🤔"

theres also the savings cap. i have trips i wanna go to, places i wanna be. having a savings cap on being a recipient of disability is actually asinine. theyre pushing to raise and it and GOD i hope that bill goes through.

they basically fuck you over if you're married so there goes my aspirations of partnering ig. countries that wont let you cause ur disabled. countries that wont let you immigrate because of disability. its all so much.

this is all so fucked and this system is so fucked and its so tiring. i just honestly wish i was just born with whatever i have going on right now so that id know what to do. i just woke up one day and now i have an entire routine just to exist and i just wish it was already part of my life in some way ig. idk.

part of me is so mad. why did i listen to those people pressure me to get a car? why did i have to comment on missing that turn? why did they try to make that turn? why didnt i just, idk, not fall off the ladder hello?? why didnt i just take the medical debt from the hospital? would i be able to walk better or get care or get a case and be approved if i just kept going to the hospital instead of working?

hell, those fuckers at the original emergency room didnt even touch me, saying that i'll "bounce back because [i'm] young." its been a year now. theres not fucking "bouncing back."

i cant fucking walk as well as i used to. i cant stand some days. some days i have to practice how to breathe. i just wish that instead of having repeated trauma i was just born with it or something so that this isnt new. i hope that doesnt come off as ignorant as fuck or rude. idk how else to word it.

i wonder about if i can even take the sports i want to next year. or if i can even work at this new job that wants me to work all these hours a week. idk. working all those hours a week is ridiculous anyway. if the accidents didnt disable me that shit wouldve eventually anyway ig. guess i just got a head start. look at me, an overachiever. i did next week's work, too, teacher.

i feel like if i could get diagnosed or if i got diagnosed as a child that i'd be "legit." that i woudlnt have to "prove" to anyone that im disabled. i hate telling people i hurt and hearing about how much i "dont know about." or hear "wait till ur older." im tired of having to constantly tell ppl that young ppl can hurt, too, just to divulge in my medical history to "prove" that im "actually" disabled. im so tired. i just wanna say my knee hurts and someone passes me an ibuprofen or acetaminophen.