#there were a lot of honorable mentions and I tried to fit everyone I could

[viennakarma]

Everything I Wanted II.

LESTAPPEN X READER (PART 2)

Summary: Your journey to become a Motorsport legend wasn't easy, especially when your path clashed with your greatest rivals, Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc.

Word count: 8.9k

Tags: Driver reader, mentions of crash, angst, abusive parent, daddy issues, trust issues, character death (not reader), cursing, strong rivalry, misogyny in motorsport, invasive media, aggressive fans, reader suffers with cyberbullying and hate, smut, female reader, +18, unprotected sex, voyeurism, exhibtionism, edging, filthy, porn with plot, queer! everyone, polyamory lestappen, bit of dirty talking, pet names, not beta read

Relationships: Lestappen x Reader

Mentor!Kimi Raikkonen x Reader

Sebastian Vettel, Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton x Platonic!Reader

Notes: this is full of motorsport categories inaccuracies, just go with the vibes please. There are a few inaccuracies regarding other drivers' lives, but they are just to fit the story. This chapter is very angsty and none of it is an attack at the drivers nor their fans and personalities, please.

I know I KNOW, this got out of hand, AGAIN. I promise next part (and hopefully last) is more focused on the romance, and the happy ending reader deserves.

Find me on Twitter!

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

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You spent Christmas with your mom, sharing a lot of presents and watching a bunch of stupid Christmas movies. New Year’s was now a tradition to spend with the Raikkonen Family, joined with the closest friends for a little get together. It was a good opportunity to reconnect with Kimi’s kids who missed you a lot during the season.

Charles never contacted you during winter break, which you were sure was the best after that mistake. You hated each other too much and the only thing that could come out of that was toxicity from the both of you. You refused to even acknowledge what had happened and its implications, that wouldn’t and couldn’t mean anything.

During the pre-season testing in Bahrain, you and Charles were back to whatever your relationship was before that one lapse in judgment months before.

Nobody noticed anything.

One day, Fernando pulled you aside for a little chat. You two sat side by side on big moving boxes, sipping on energy drinks.

“There’s something I have been wanting to talk to you about since last year,” he started, seemingly pensive, distant.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah. Remember after we first met when you asked me if I had advice for you regarding your career?” Fernando said, and you remembered.

Right after you had gotten close, you asked him for advice, you always did, especially about racing. But one day, you were chatting about his career, and you asked if had any lessons you should never forget. He had laughed joking about read all your contracts then asking if you were calling him old, but he said if he ever had any advice, he would tell you.

“Yes, have you got my answer yet?”

“Sí, Nena,” he paused, looking deep into your eyes, “enjoy.”

You frowned and he saw the confusion on your face.

“I see much of my younger self in you, you know? The same passion, this fiery desire to win, your goal for the championship, to conquer the world…” Fernando paused, looking up to the clear sky, the sunset coming around, “And I did. But I wish I had enjoyed it more. I should’ve gone to parties, I should’ve visited the countries we went to and tried the food, I should’ve made more friends, I should’ve had more lovers… I was so focused on winning, on getting my hands on that trophy of champion of the world, that I missed out on a lot.”

You felt your eyes tear up, and you wiped it before the tears came down. Putting your hand on his shoulder, you smiled at him.

“It’s such an honor race with you. And an even greater honor to have you as a friend, Nano” you whispered to him, you two laughed as his eyes watered too, and slapping his shoulder you laughed, “don’t make me cry, you old softie!”

You took his advice to your heart.

You went to the parties, you met new people, and that’s how after two entire seasons, you managed to befriend Lando, your teammate. You two had to open your hearts a little bit and meet in the middle. Which proved to be great, the whole team loved the change in your dynamic. You still weren’t besties, but you were close colleagues, and that was great. Everyone noticed the change and it reflected on how you started racing as a team instead of individually.

The car was even better than the year before, and the first race of the season you got a promising win.

That win, Lando’s pestering, and Fernando’s advice was how you ended up in a party after the Bahrain GP. Wearing a skimpy mini dress and 5 tequila shots deep, swaying your hips to the sound of Rihanna. You were dancing and singing with Lando and a few of his friends, loudly screaming the lyrics.

When it was way too hot for you, you grabbed a water bottle and beelined your way out of the crowded dance floor. You found a corner of the VIP section where the AC seemed to be working better, and as you stumbled inside the small space, you ran chest first into someone.

“Sorry,” you said, taking a step back and pressing your back against the cold wall.

“Enjoying your win?” Your head snapped up as you recognised Max’s voice. You had run into him.

Lando had mentioned inviting Max to the party, he had gotten a P2 in the race but you doubted he would go to a party he knew you would attend. You were obviously wrong.

“You know I am,” the victory was so good that nothing could ruin your mood.

“Well, then enjoy it. I’m coming for the win, again.” He warned you but his voice was devoid of anything, just sounded like he was casually telling you about the weather. But you knew that he was implying his championship the year before, rubbing it in your face.

“Don’t be so confident, Max,” you finished your water, smirking at him, “Enjoy the view of my rear!”

You flipped your hair, feeling his eyes on you the whole walk back to the dance floor.

And yet-

Somehow-

You ended up back at that small corner, dancing with your body pressed between Verstappen’s and the wall, his hand holding your jaw firmly, you rolled your hips against him, feeling the way his body responded to yours.

“We can’t-” he said to you, still, his eyes hadn’t left your lips, like he was so oh so tempted.

You rolled your eyes, annoyed. Sober you would never do that, but then, that was a problem for later. Checking to see if anyone was looking at you, you hooked a finger around his waistband and pulled him towards the bathroom.

As soon as the two of you were inside, you locked the door and Max pressed your back against the door, latching his lips to yours in a very desperate open mouthed kiss. You hugged his shoulders, opening your lips to him, his hands went down your sides and he grabbed your ass, pulling you into him. But that wasn’t enough, so he held your thighs and pulled up, carrying you. You locked your legs around his waist, and he stopped the kiss to walk, sitting you on the marble side of the sink, still between your legs, forcing his bulge against your panties, and eliciting a moan from you.

He took a half step back to hike your dress up, palming your cunt over your panties feeling the dampness of it, he tried to press his hand under your panties, but the lacy fabric didn’t leave much space, so he simply tore the bottom of them, exposing you to him. He just ran a finger over your slit, collecting your wetness for a brief moment before pushing a finger into you. Max watched your face with concentration, studying your body’s responses. Your hips shaking at the movement of his finger, and when the second one joined, you got louder. He curled his fingers up, his thumb pressing your clit, and you had to use both hands to hold onto him, your head lolling back against the mirror.

“Take it and shut the fuck up,” he grunted between clenched teeth.

He was pressing your insides so good, the slick sound of his fingers going in and out, his heavy breathing, the loud music outside and his laser focused fingers had you coming against his fingers in minutes. When he noticed you close, cunt spasming against his fingers, he pressed the other hand against your mouth, covering your moans when your toes curled and you orgasmed on his hand.

Max barely let you recover as he opened his jeans and stroked himself twice before pushing his cock into you in one swift move, making you gasp at the sudden intrusion.

“That’s what you wanted, right? Fucking teasing me all night,” He pushed particularly hard, hitting your g-spot, making you see stars, “you’re a fucking menace, y’know that? Fucking insufferable,” then his words became a mumbling of something dutch you couldn’t quite catch anymore with the way his hips snapped against yours, taking all your focus away and turning you into a mess of moaning.

Max fucked like he raced, focused and relentless, brutal. He hugged you with one arm around your waist to keep you in place and the other held you face, tilting your head so he could kiss you, or whatever that mess of saliva, tongues and teeth was. Your orgasm crashed through you unexpectedly, and you only hugged him tighter, pressing your face against his chest, biting into his skin through the fabric of his T-shirt to silence yourself, your teeth sinking into him was enough to send him also over the edge, coming with moans against your ear.

That night, you went home with shaking legs and an incoming headache, as Max left with the scraps of your panties in his pocket and your lipstick stain on his shirt, above his chest.

It was the seventh race of the year, Monaco, and you absolutely hated that specific track since your years of F2. During your two first years in F1 you had awful experiences, the rookie year you DNF and the year prior you had barely managed a P7. You were trying to keep your head up, be hopeful that you could at least try for top 5.

But since you couldn’t catch a fucking break, an old video of your teenage years resurfaced.

You were walking to your first round of interviews when Amanda, your PR manager, started walking by your side.

“There’s something. An old video of a karting competition resurfaced, where Max and Charles pretty much call you stupid,” Amanda was always direct, you could give it to her.

“Let me see the video” you asked, offering your hand for her phone.

“We don’t have time, but everyone will ask you about it. I need you to be the bigger person and act like it isn’t important, yes? They will try to taunt you and get a bad reaction from you, I need you to dismiss everything they throw at you. Agreed?”

You sighed. You knew the stuff from your teens were pretty bad, you rarely badmouthed Max or Charles, but they always felt threatened by you, so there were lots of instances they attacked you. Honestly, you just didn’t want to come out of this victimized. So as you entered the first round of interviews, you decided you were going to downplay anything they asked you.

“Y/N, have you seen the footage of you, Max and Charles from your teenage years that resurfaced recently?”

“No, uh, I haven’t.”

Someone pushed an iPad in your hands because of course, they wanted a live reaction from you. You pressed play, reading the subtitles someone put on the video. It was an amateur recording like a post race interview made by another teenage guy. First as Max walked out of the track, the guy asked what he thought of your win.

“It was luck, she’s not bright enough to think of a strategy,” Max said, walking away, clearly pissed having lost to you.

There was a cut and the camera was turned on again when Charles walked toward the guy asking the question. He repeated exactly the same question he had asked Max.

“Y/N, I don’t worry about her long term. She’s not going very far in this sport anyway,” Charles shrugged, seemingly unbothered.

As the video cut again, it showed your face, you remembered when that was. You were 14, and your dad had dropped you a few months earlier, so you were working your ass off balancing school, work and karting.

“Hey, Y/N. What do you think of your result today?”

“Uh, I tried a new strategy I learned earlier this week, thankfully it worked in my favor,” teen-You dried your forehead with your coat’s sleeve.

“What are your plans for this competition?”

“Well, I hope to be good enough to get into F4 next year, and work my way up into Formula 1,” you smiled softly and walked away after a quick bye.

The video ended and you still spent a few seconds staring at the black screen of the iPad. This interview didn’t come to your mind in more than a decade, but it was nice seeing how you made your 14-year-old dream come true.

“So, what do you say?” The reporter extended his mic to you.

“I guess I proved them wrong, right?” You giggled a little, “don’t take it to heart, really. We were all hormonal teenagers, I’m sure if someone digs, they will find a video of me saying the same stuff about them,” you shrugged, despite that being a lie, sounded dismissive enough.

“So it doesn’t upset you?” The reporter insisted, and you knew he wanted a scandal you weren’t willing to give.

“Of course not. I’ve always known my worth, and I’m P1 in the driver’s championship as of right now. So I don’t really care.”

The interviewers soon let the video go, when they realized you didn’t care about it. You weren’t sure if anyone would also approach Charles or Max with questions about the same video, but you couldn’t care less, you wanted to avoid drama for the time being so you could focus on the championship instead of this bullshit.

On the morning of qualifying, you were in your room, trying to meditate and clear your mind, when a knock interrupted you.

“Guys, I asked for twenty minutes so I could-” you stop yourself when you realize it isn’t anyone from your team, but it’s Max and Charles, “what are you doing here?”

“We came to apologize about the video,” Max started.

“Did your PR teams send you here?” You looked around, trying to catch a camera or even a phone recording.

“No uh, we realized we were very immature with you, and this video is just proof of how silly that was,” Charles sighed, seemingly embarrassed.

“You don’t need to apologize, I mean- the two of you really had it out for me, you called me dumb a lot,” you pointed to Max, then Charles, “and you called me ugly countless times. I don’t know why it would make any difference now.”

You were just so used to being defensive, to protect yourself from hatred you found it hard to believe them, to give them a chance to apologize because you couldn’t believe it to be genuine.

“Even if you don’t take it, or believe it, I would like to apologize for that behavior. I was just a stupid kid.” Max looked deep into your eyes, which could’ve made you uncomfortable if he didn’t seem so honest.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. It was too idiotic to be like that to you, growing up. You were just a kid too.” Charles added.

You understood where that apology came from, it was stupid and embarrassing for all three of you this teenage rivalry when you all were barely mid racers back in the day. Sighing, you looked around, dropping your façade for a second, allowing yourself to display the same honesty they showed you.

It was hard and required some sort of deprogramming because you could only see them as rivals, like your dad had whispered in your brain so many times before, like their actions towards you had cemented dad’s words. They had said things that were on your mind for so long, that had made you defensive and deflective.

“Look, don’t worry about it. Whatever happened back then, it’s water under the bridge,” You shifted on your feet. As they started walking away, you added “this doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

They only nodded before leaving. Your routine went back to the same, and as the next scandal went on, people forgot about the silly video, but a very specific part of the fans started shipping you and both your rivals.

The rivalry never died down though.

Then, out of nowhere, Sebastian pulled you and Lewis aside to a conversation. Then he told you that he was going to retire by the end of the season. It was the first time the two of them saw you cry, and Sebastian hugged you tight, shushing your crying softly.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” he whispered, petting your head.

“No, don’t apologize,” you let him go, drying your face, “I have listened to you talking countless times about how you missed the kids. Don’t apologize for choosing to be a great dad. I know Hanna and the kiddos will be ecstatic.”

“You two are my closest friends here, that’s why I wanted to tell you first, before my announcement.”

“Thank you, Seb,” you said, eyes still watering, “I’m going to miss having you around.”

“Thank you for telling us beforehand,” Lewis said, also visibly emotional.

The season was writing itself to be just as close as the year prior, but now you were slightly better at keeping the lead most.

That is until Zandvoort. This GP was always a nightmare to you, because it was full of Max’s fans, and they absolutely hated you for being his rival. You had been booed when you were on the podium the year before, so now, you and Amanda decided it was best to keep your head down during the whole week. Not out of shame, but more of a matter of safety, you didn’t know how far the crowd could go in antagonizing you. When you were booed the other year, Max had said it was part of the sport and dismissed the conversation.

The morning of free practice, you went into the paddock very low-key and kept to yourself. You arrived with a little cup of coffee and got mentally ready for a hostile environment the whole weekend. That, until you spotted a small group of people dressed with your color and wearing your number, waving wildly to you.

In a spur of the moment decision, you went there, getting close to the barrier to sign a few caps and take a few selfies. In retrospect, you knew you shouldn’t have done that, especially with only two bodyguards accompanying you.

You were finishing chatting with your fans when you felt something heavy hit the side of your head and the impact made you stumble backwards, you were confused as you heard the screams and felt one of the bodyguards pull you back, as the other jumped the barrier and started running. You patted your temple and something wet and sticky was dripping down the side of your face. You stared at the small group of fans who were looking at you horrified. Staring at the hand, you saw the red staining your fingers, and as the bodyguard kept pulling you away to somewhere safer, the thing flowed even more and  got into your left eye.

You wondered if it was blood as you touched your temple but felt nothing, not a gash nor small cut. You covered your left eye as it started to sting from what you supposed smelt like paint.

“Hey, hey, what happened? You’re bleeding!” Max jogged up to you.

“Not blood, just paint” you muttered, trying to use your coat to clean your face.

“Someone threw a paint ball at her,” the bodyguard said.

“Fuck, it’s burning!” You exclaimed, feeling tears in your left eye.

“Come here, the RB hospitality is close,” Max said, holding your wrist, he stopped shortly pointing to your bodyguard, “and you, sort this and find the person who did it.”

You let yourself be taken by Max into the RB territory, the burning so annoying that you rather take whatever solution he was thinking of. He held your waist and placed you sitting on a sink, and then you felt water streaming down your face.

“Stay still,” Max commanded, holding a hose over your head, pouring water down your face, “now blink slowly, let the water wash it,” his voice soft as you did what he told you to. Slowly but surely, it washed the paint away, relieving your left eye from the stinging. Max held the hose up and held your chin, tilting your head up so he could check your eye, still letting the water stream down your face.

You took a few minutes, breathing and regulating your heartbeat from that scare, trying to come back to normal and understand fully what was going on. From what you gathered, you were chatting with fans when someone else came and threw something with paint at you.

“How does it feel?” 

“It’s better, already stopped burning,” you told him, feeling your heart miss a beat at the close proximity you found yourself to him. You were sitting on a sink, Max standing between your legs pretty much like you two had done months before for entirely different reasons.

“Open your eye, let me see,” he asked, and you tried to blink it open, “can you see?”

“It’s a little blurry but I believe it will get better,” you explained, and he didn’t let go of your chin. Suddenly, he covered your right eye with the other hand, leaving you only with your left eye sight.

“How many fingers am I putting up?” He showed it to your left eye. The vision was a bit blurry but you still could make out the shapes very clearly.

“Four, Max. It’s just a little bit blurry, probably will get better in a few minutes” you sounded annoyed, you tried to move but he pressed a hand against your waist, keeping you in place.

“Now, what happened?” He asked finally. You ignored the proximity, and the hand still on your body.

“We’re in Zandvoort, that’s what happened,” you shrugged, really annoyed about it.

“What do you mean?” He was visibly confused. You scoffed because you knew it wasn’t something he didn’t know, since the year before he has dismissed the importance of how hostile people were to you.

“We’re massively surrounded by your fans, Max.”

“I don’t understand.”

“They hate me because you hate me, and they think because you hate me they’re justified in their hostility towards me,” You explained, with a sigh, you pushed away from Max, “this GP has been like this for me ever since Rookie year.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said, brows furrowed.

“You do. And they do too,” you pointed down at the paint that had also stained your shirt as proof.

“I don’t,” he insisted and you rolled your eyes, jumping off the sink, but he didn’t give you space, which made you stand chest to chest with him, “I promise.”

You stared at him, breathless. That wasn’t part of the game you played, being kind, sounding worried and making promises. None of that was part of this whole rivalry. Pushing his chest, you tried getting away but he caged you against the sink, body flush against yours.

“Do you believe me?” He asked and your eyes fell to his lips, and you allowed yourself to remember the desperate and chaotic kisses you had shared in a dimly lit bathroom, “I don’t support any of this behavior.”

You heard voices and steps approaching, which made you finally push him away, walking towards the door. Whatever little magic had been happening between those walls was undone the moment you remembered none of that would’ve happened if he had politely put a stop to it earlier.

“It’s part of the sport and I have to deal with it, right?” You returned the very same words he had said about you when you were booed by the crowd the year prior.

As you opened the door, you were faced with Sebastian. He stopped, taking you in and then pulling you in a hug.

“Are you ok? We just heard what happened!” He murmured, guiding you out of the bathroom. He held your shoulders and looked at your face, checking how your left eye was still a little red, “we should take you to see a doctor, come on.”

Lewis soon arrived at the entrance of the RBR station, he warned about the reporters crowding outside, waiting for a glimpse of you after the attack. The British man gave you a Mercedes coat so you put it over your head and avoid the cameras waiting outside. With the bodyguards and both Lewis and Sebastian leading you away, you ended up at the medical center, and after a quick examination, the doctor gave you eye drops to put throughout the day.

Your Principal suggested you sit the FP1 out, letting the reserve driver take your place while you recovered. By the middle of FP1, your eyesight was 100% and you went to get ready for FP2. The whole day you felt like everyone was being extra careful, tiptoeing around you. You hated feeling like you were being pitied, so when the inevitable round of interviews came, you knew what you had to do.

“We heard about your incident earlier today, how are you feeling about it?” Someone asked.

“I’m pretty upset, to be honest. Formula 1 is a sport loved around the whole world, and the paddock overall is supposed to be a safe place not only for the fans, but also the workers and drivers. What happened today is unacceptable and could’ve been much worse. I’m voicing my dissatisfaction and I intend to, through legal means, take this complaint to the FIA.”

Later that night, as you laid awake on your bed, scrolling through the repercussions of the day, you stopped when you saw a snippet of Max's interview.

“What happened today was dangerous and unacceptable, I don’t support this behavior and I stand with Y/N,” that was all he said, but Max usually was a man of few words, always knowing when it was enough.

You knew he should’ve voiced that much earlier in your career, specifically after the booing the year before, but still- He also could have opted to not say anything at all, and he didn’t.

Amanda also sent you the news that the fan who had attacked you was found and banned for life from Formula 1.

After calling Sebastian, you managed to get ahold of Max’s phone number and texted him a simple message.

Thank you. Twice. - Lioness

The text went to read almost immediately, and the three dots appeared from his side of the screen. You wait, and wait, and wait. And then the dots disappeared, and an answer never came.

After a solid P2 that weekend in Zandvoort, you went home for the summer break. You and your mom had planned to go to Monaco for a little while since you were planning on buying a place there. From there, you and your mom would go all around the French Riviera to enjoy the sea and spend a few days in a spa resort. Then, you would go back home and relax before going to Ibiza for a weekend to meet Lando and his friends to enjoy some partying.

Everything went according to plan, but one day when you came back home after the trip to the French Riviera, you found your mom passed out on the living room floor.

You called an ambulance, quickly taking her into the hospital. Everything was a blur, the tests and scans, your mom still unconscious on a hospital bed, and the results. The results that pulled the floor from under your feet.

Your brain couldn’t fully compute what was said. Cancer Stage 4. Surgery. Palliative care.

The world was muted around you as you sat on a chair in the waiting room, hands shaking when you tried to understand what was happening. You somehow ended up calling the one other person you trust.

“Y/N? What happened?”

“I don’t understand- she just- she just passed out and I thought- but- but they said- palliative care” you try to come up with words.

“Talk to me. Are you sick?” Kimi’s voice is so focused and a little soothing.

“It’s mom”

“Send your location, I’m going there,” that’s all he said.

Waiting for Kimi gave you some sense of purpose, because it’s Kimi. He could fix anything. He fixed your life when you were 14, he can do it again. He would get there and find a way to help. Your mind got so clouded when the word cancer was thrown in the conversation, that you probably missed the part about treatments and- and surgery and stuff.

In your mother’s room there was a comfortable couch where you tried to settle to sleep, but you only spent countless hours awake. You hoped to see the doctor again to try and get him to explain everything for a second time.

You wished you were smart and quick, but no, you just sat there holding onto the hope that Kimi had a way to fix this.

Kimi arrived early the next morning, knocking on the door before entering. You stood up, hugging him tight.

“What happened?”

“It’s pancreatic cancer, they said. We need to see more about surgery and- and treatments.”

You and Kimi found the doctor, who explained again, and in that moment you finally understood what he meant the first time around. She was in a late stage of pancreatic cancer, which was usually a very difficult illness to find before it is too late, due to the placement of the organ in the body and late symptoms. The only options were either to try a very risky surgery and chemo so she could extend her life for around 8 months to a year. Or she could go home to live her last few months the way she wanted.

You begged and cried and bribed and offered every single solution your brain could muster to try and save her. Kimi held you when you fell to the floor, sobbing.

When your mom woke up and you and Kimi told her the diagnosis, she cried too, sobbing in your arms as you tried to hold it together for her sake. It took a couple of days for her to choose to go home. The two of you spent the last days of summer break traveling around the world a bit more, visiting temples and statues, and seeing nature and everything good the world had to offer, going to places motorsport hadn’t taken you to.

Your mom went to every race week from there on, even when she felt especially weak, even when you had to hire a full time medical team for her. 

Your focus on the season was solely on the moment between entering the car and leaving the car. You still managed to race like you’ve done before, calm and controlled, with the help of your engineers and team, you still could put the car where you wanted it, paving your way for a solid world championship that year. It was like your brain was seeing racing as the one thing in your life you had full control over, so sometimes you even felt like you and the car were one.

You didn’t tell anyone about her. Though every driver noticed how distant you were, even Charles and Max and the ones that weren’t very close to you noticed how you were only fulfilling your obligations and leaving, you weren’t even celebrating your wins, leaving the fastest you could after a race.

The Singapore GP was tough for you, having to leave your mom home alone with the medical staff and a couple of friends from her book club, since she wasn’t strong enough to travel anymore. Your attention was failing all throughout media day and free practices. Qualifying was shit compared to your performance the rest of the season.

In Q3 you did a reasonable sector 1 and 2 but you messed up sector 3 completely. It was a complete accident when you got in the way of a Ferrari when he was doing his fast lap, and you ended up messing his qualy too. Jace let you know it was none other than Charles Leclerc, who was setting the pace for a pole position. Out of 19 drivers, you had to ruin his lap. In the end, Max got pole, Charles qualified P3 and you qualified P5.

You went through the motions during the post qualifying press. You were about to leave after debriefing, when Charles Leclerc found you on the way to the parking lot. You pulled your coat tighter around yourself protectively as he walked up to you. You were hoping to escape his fury at least until after the race the next day. Before he could even get a word in, you started.

“Look, I know I messed up your pole. I know you won’t believe me, but it wasn’t intentional. I really thought there was no one doing fast laps on the track, I thought everyone was either still doing out laps or in the pits, so when you-”

“Calm down, breathe,” he interrupted you, “I’m not here to fight.”

“No?” You frowned, confused with the kindness in his eyes.

“We know you’re going through something, and I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear this from, but you’re not alone. And you should really consider talking with someone on the grid. They’re all- we’re all worried about you.”

The words felt alien coming from his mouth, but the gentleness was so comforting you felt a lump in your throat.

“Why do you think I’m not ok?” You muttered trying to sound confident, but your voice failed, betraying you.

“You’re skinny and you look sleep deprived for a few weeks now,” Charles said directly.

“Damn, thanks.”

“I don’t mean it like that, you know it,” he paused, putting both hands on his pockets, “have you been eating?” Your lack of response made him press further, “have you eaten today?”

You pressed your lips together, not wanting to answer that.

“Let’s go, I’ll drive you to the hotel, we’ll stop on the way to grab some food,” Charles gestured to his car, a few meters away. You stood there, shocked as he started walking away, then he stopped looking over his shoulder, “come on, I don’t have all the time in the world.”

As you sat in his Ferrari, Charles put music on and you didn’t do much talking, but it was tranquil. He called the restaurant to order take out on the way, and 30 minutes later he dropped you off at the hotel with a bag full of food.

“Thank you, Charles.” You whispered before leaving the car.

You ate the food while on a video call with your mom.

You recovered well during the race, finishing P2, behind Max and ahead of Charles.

Your mom passed away a few days after the Japanese Grand Prix, the one you had won and dedicated it to her from the top step of the podium, even if she wasn’t there, just watching from home. You went home and stayed with her, holding her hands and hugging her as much as you could.

Some part of you knew she was somehow fighting, because she had promised you the year before she would be there when you became world champion. You could see she was hoping to make it to the end of the season, but you also knew she wouldn’t, and you rather she didn’t have to endure any more pain just for your sake.

“You don’t need to fight anymore, ma,” you whispered before she went to sleep, “you raised a strong woman, too. I will see you on the other side, ok? You can rest now, I love you.”

“I’m so proud of you, honey. I love you to the moon and back.”

You made it through her small funeral, following what she had written down before passing. An intimate funeral, full of flowers and a toast to her life. You cried the whole time, with Kimi and Minttu taking turns at comforting you as they could. Coming back to an empty home smelling of cleaning products made you almost lose your mind, and the sight of you in such despair was enough for Kimi to convince you to stay with them until you had to travel for the next race, in almost seven days.

The days passed in a crying blur, you let part of your team know about your mom’s passing. Only Amanda, Jace and your Principal. Jace tried to convince you to take a break and not go to the next race in Austin, but you quickly shut it off. Not only because racing was the one thing keeping you sane amidst the chaos, but because you were so close to the championship, and  it was still close competition with Max and Charles, so you couldn’t afford to lose a race and the points that could come with it.

You had to honor your mom in some way.

That’s how you ended up on a plane to Austin with Kimi and Amanda. You knew Kimi had convinced you to let him go because he was sure you’d have a mental breakdown anytime along the weekend, but deep down you appreciated the company. Arriving there, Jace was the first to hug you and whisper his condolences, as well as your TP too.

You survived the entire weekend without breaking down crying in public, but that was your worst race in a few months, the first time out of a podium since Spa. You ended up P5, which luckily wasn’t too bad because Max finished P4 which you were grateful for as he was the one who was P2 in the driver’s championship close behind you.

After that week, you packed your stuff and moved to the new condo in Monaco you had bought during summer break. Despite loving your mom to pieces, you couldn’t manage to live alone in the house you bought for her a couple of years before, it was lonely and it hit you with overwhelming waves of sadness all the time. You distracted yourself a lot with buying furniture and decorations for the new place, and discovering Monte Carlo in a whole new way. The one comfort in all that, was knowing your mom wasn’t suffering anymore.

Then you went straight to Mexico for the next Grand Prix, this time, Kimi left you because he had to come home to Minttu and the kids. Amanda had been such a support for you, that you knew you had to give her something special for the holidays, out of gratitude.

Everything was going as expected until the press conference. You were there with Charles, Max, Sebastian and Lando. You suspected they were putting you always in the same group as Max and Charles because, as the season nearing the end, only three races left, they were your close competition.

While someone asked something of Charles, you were whispering with Sebastian, chatting about Mexican foods you wanted to try after the race. Then, something bizarre happened, and phones started to ping all around the room, between reporters, cameras and everyone else started checking their phones. It seemed like something out of a black mirror nightmare.

You reached for your phone but then remembered you left it to charge in your room.

“This question is for Y/N,” a reporter asked, reading something from his phone, “there’s a new article that just came out saying your mom passed away a couple of weeks ago, is that true?”

Your blood ran cold, and every sound felt like it was muted inside the room. Wide eyed, you searched for Amanda, who was somewhere on the opposite side of the room, and when you found her, she was pale. Then, there was a cacophony of voices and cameras and questions, that made you suddenly overwhelmed.

Swallowing, trying to reassess, you found Sebastian already standing, holding your shoulders. Looking around you noticed how the other three drivers had stood up, making some sort of shield around you, protecting you from the cameras and reporters swarming around. 

“We can go, ok? Come on,” Sebastian was saying when Amanda caught up to you, leaning beside Sebastian.

“We can leave, right now,” she said, holding your hand.

Still a little confused, you nodded and let them both guide you back to your room.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for your loss,” Sebastian hugged you, running his hands on your back for comfort.

“How- how did they find out?” You ask Amanda.

“An article came out, I’m not sure. Someone was probably digging into your life, but don’t worry, I put the team on it already.”

“How do- how we diffuse this? How do we proceed? We need to address this, right?” You started blabbering, trying to wrap your head around everything.

“That was very disrespectful of them to ask like that!” Sebastian exclaimed, making you two jolt.

“We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. Do you want me to release a note asking for privacy?” Amanda suggested.

“Can I write something and then run it by you?” You asked, she only nodded.

After a moment, both Amanda and Seb left you alone as you typed a note on your phone. You rewrote and deleted a few times before settling on something heartfelt and respectful but also, calling out the invasion of privacy.

My mom passed away a few days ago after battling with cancer for the past few months.

She had requested of me to keep it a secret until after the season was over, so I could mourn her without the weight of racing over my shoulders. 

But obviously someone went digging and disrespected not only one of her last wishes but also disrespected my grief and my right to privacy. I love my mom but I’ll not be answering any more questions about her illness or death, please respect me and respect her memory.

All the love, Y/N

Nobody asked anything over the weekend, but again, it felt like everyone was tiptoeing around you. As soon as you first saw Nano the next day, he held you tight for almost a minute whispering his condolences, and it made you almost cry again. Lewis also spared you a hug, saying if you ever needed anything, to contact him.

You survived that weekend, and decided to go straight to Brazil for the next GP instead of going back to Monaco. In São Paulo you mostly slept your worries and fears away. You had promised yourself to try and focus on the season only, to make your dream come true, to fulfill your mom’s promise in some way.

With Ferrari’s bad strategy in Mexico, they had ruined Charles’ chance at the championship. Now your only competition was Max and the Red Bull rocketship.

You rewatched the race a couple of times as you usually did, to try and catch any mistakes you or your team may have made, to fix it for the next one. But also to try and notice any weaknesses of your rivals, if it was something you could use in your own favor.

You noticed right away in the FP1 that your car wasn’t adhering to the track, you were losing balance and needed more force than usual to keep yourself in place. By FP2, you managed to control your car better, but that caused your tyres to wear off way more quickly.

Quali was one of the shittiest you’ve ever done in your career, taking you out in Q2 for the first time that year, placing you for a start at P12.

“Listen, we’ll do better tomorrow, ok?” Jace told you as soon as you entered the garage, seeing Max still out with a shot at pole position.

“Give me a few minutes to unwind, please,” you asked, dropping your helmet, balaclava and gloves at a nearby table.

You went straight to your room, searching for your phone. Immediately calling Kimi, you waited for him to pick up.

“I watched it,” he said first and foremost.

“If I do bad in the race tomorrow, and Max does well, then I’m gonna lose the championship, Kimi,” saying that out loud made you shiver in horror, “FUCK!” You screamed, kicking a chair.

“First of all, even if you did bad tomorrow, you’d still have a chance to fight for the championship in Abu Dhabi. You know that,” Kimi warned you as if he was scolding a little kid, “second of all, I never taught you this loser mindset. You’ll have to find a way to work around the problems in your car tomorrow.”

“Shit, I’m so fucked! How? How could I even-”

“Remember when I first met you? Your kart was with almost this same problem, yeah? Remember you got P2? You went ahead and fixed it. That’s what I need you to do tomorrow, don’t focus on what you can’t do, only focus on what you can do.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“No trying. Do it.”

After spending the entire night crafting plan A, B, C and Z with you strategists and engineers, you barely got any sleep, but you forced yourself to rest. In the morning, you went to the track early to meet with your team again, to run your strategies one more time, when you had an idea. You’d still follow the plans you had carefully crafted with the team, but you decided to make a Plan Star, as you had called. Interlagos didn’t have any safety car in the last two years, so it was dangerous to fully count on one. But your plan star consisted in the case of a safety car in this one specific window of laps, you’d go to the pits for hards, counting on everyone else being on old softs or mediums at that specific point in the race. But for it to work, you had to be the first of the front field to go in.

As the lights went out and you accelerated, you got already three positions up, landing in P9, and luckily, the points zone. Jace was worried in your ears, talking about the car and the tyres management. With controlled calm and Kimi’s voice in your head, you managed a few more positions in the first 14 laps, landing P7. You lost a bit of time there, since Nando was P6 and everyone knew how tough it always is to overtake him. But you eventually managed to get the position. Unfortunately, it was the moment you had to go to your first pitstop. Due to the problems in your car wearing off your tyres, you would have to go for a two-stop, which ended up costing you three positions again. But you were patient and you were rewarded when the other cars had to pit, which gave you back the four places you had lost.

The race you went on and you barely moved up or down from your P5, but you managed to concentrate.

Jace, on the other hand was sounding more and more worried about your second pit stop, about the difficulty in get closer to P4, about the P6 trying to enter DRS zone behind you, with your tyres wearing off, with the-

“Jace, I love you but please shut the fuck up, I know what to do,” you were praying for a miracle when suddenly, there was a yellow flag, and the safety car went out during the perfect window of laps, “fuck, Jace, this is plan star.”

“Copy,” he paused, his voice sounding secure, “Box, box.”

You changed into hards, no one else went to the pits, and the race restarted after three more laps. The safety car had closed the gap between you and the P4, which made you overtake him easily.

Jace was still keeping quiet to help your concentration, he only interrupted to warn you about overheating your tyres, and your velocity per lap compared to the next position. You started overtaking like a madwoman as much as your tyres allowed.

“That’s P1, Lioness,” Jace told you.

“Copy that.” You said with your voice shaken.

As you managed your P1, you went back to be aware of your surroundings, seeing a Red Bull right behind you, trying to overtake but you managed to hold position.

When you took the checkered flag, you sighed with relief, Kimi was right.

“Congratulations, Y/N! That’s a brilliant, brilliant win!” Jace’s voice was sounding shaken too.

“You’re crying, Jace?” You laughed softly.

“It’s an honor to tell you that you, Y/N Y/L/N, are a Formula 1 world champion!” Jace shouts, and behind him you can hear more people screaming.

“What? Jace you’re fucking with me!”

“No, Lioness, you’re the 2022 champion of the world!”

“But- but how? There’s one race left? And Max was right behind me!”

“No, Verstappen DNFed during that one yellow flag. Behind you was Perez.”

You made the calculations quickly in your head. Max was P2 in the championship, but this DNF meant no points, and even if he managed to win the last race in Abu Dhabi, he wouldn’t be able to equal you in points. So-

“OH MY GOD, oh my god!” You screamed your lungs out, feeling the tears streaming down into your balaclava, “Fuck yes! I’m Formula 1 World Champion! Thank you, thank you so much guys! Jace, holy shit, I’m the champion!”

“You’re the champion!” Jace confirmed.

You felt joy in a way you hadn’t felt in a long, long time, as you stopped your car on the number one spot. Still a little dizzy from the thrill, you left the car, going straight to your team, heavily waiting for you. They all hugged you, hitting your helmet, saying congratulations and everything. You took a moment to hug Jace and Amanda, who had been of great support throughout the year.

After getting weighted and being congratulated by the other two on the podium, Perez and Hamilton, the latter hugging you tight as he took you off the floor, you drank water as you waited for the post race interview with Nico Rosberg.

You were giddy, barely holding yourself together with how happy you were feeling, how you wanted to hold the trophy, how grateful you were and more importantly, how you felt a great weight being lifted off your shoulders.

“Y/N, congratulations on becoming a World Champion! I have to say, as a girl dad, it is great to see you become the first woman ever to win this title. How do you feel? What do you want to say?” Nico offered, with a kind smile.

“To be honest, I can barely contain myself. It’s such an honor to be here and be the world champion. I look at the past and see my younger self who never thought would make it to Formula 1. It’s such a dream come true, after this year’s hardships, I’m glad to achieve the greatest dream of them all!” You said, kinda quickly, rambling as you tried to put into words all the emotions mixed with the happiness, “I’m sorry, I know I’m taking up all your time, I just want to dedicated this win, and this championship to three people who saved my life: Kimi, thank you for being the salvation of my career when we first met; And my mom, who’s not here anymore, thank you for being the light in my darkest days. And lastly, I want to thank myself for working my ass off and never giving up.”

You muttered a thank you as Nico only laughed at your rambling. Before you moved to the cooldown, you grabbed the mic back again.

“May I add one last thing?” You asked for Nico, who only nodded, pointing to the camera again, “This is to my father: I made it, you asshole.”

You wanted to send the middle finger too, but you knew you couldn’t because of the FIA’s guidelines, and you were already risking a penalty for cursing on live TV. In the cooldown room, you sat beside Lewis, watching a few highlights of the race on the screen. It showed a couple of your overtakes.

“Damn, you overtook like crazy,” Lewis muttered, seemingly amazed.

“I pulled a Lewis Hamilton in Interlagos last year,” you joked, and he laughed.

That podium felt like the culmination of everything you had worked for your whole life, felt like recovering your love for the sport for what it was, for the fast cars and the adrenaline. Being on that podium in Brazil as a World Champion shifted something inside you forever. During your anthem, you laughed, and when you got the trophy, you cried, pointing the trophy to the sunny sky with a silent prayer to your mom. You barely noticed, but you felt the champagne raining on you, and opened your arms to shower in it. Putting the trophy down, you splashed the other bottle, laughing and wetting everyone that was close to you, Lewis, Checo, Jace, who had gone up representing the team.

When the celebration ended, you stayed behind a little more, watching the crowd from the podium, and they started chanting. It took you a few seconds to realize they were chanting your name.

You raised your trophy at them, and they cheered even louder. Then you pointed it to the sky again.

“Look, ma, I made it” you whispered to yourself, feeling the tears streaming down your face.

TAG LIST: @be-your-coffee-pot @supremebaddietrash @mellowarcadefun @cmleitora @kyuupidwrites @80sloverry @newlifeforus @soulaires @hrrorflm @redwolfxx @icarus-nex @jenniferrvsesi @bborra @leilanixx @hc-dutch @withyoutilltheendodthismess @is-just-a @freetimemachinequeen @saturnchase @butterfly-lover @eddiesbitch83 @elliott-calls @nb26fort @wcnorris @vellicora @mac-daddy-210 @hiraethrhapsody @losore-prone @gills-lounge @enrapturedbythemoon @formula1mount @mightiestheroes @cherry-piee @chezmardybum @whodis-26 @mortallyblueninja @f1mockingjay @dance-the-painting

[bloodthirstychaos]

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x fem!reader

This is my first time in a long time doing something like this. Please be kind y’all, I really tried.

Maybe be some mistakes

Warnings: Mentions of injury. Can’t think of anything else, please let me know if I forgot something please.

Summary: Ghost realized his feelings over time, and he finally acted on them.

Call sign: Oz

He’s not quite sure what it was that drew him to you immediately. Maybe it was the sarcastic quips people got as a response, or how you seamlessly fit in with 141. Your rough and cold exterior reminded him of himself, but that also meant he knew where to look for cracks.

He remembers the day you joined quite often. He remembers how you walked into the briefing room with your head held high radiating confidence. Ghost couldn’t help but admire and respect you beginning in that moment. Any shred of doubt and unease he had vanished in the moment. It took a lot for a woman to be so confident when there were a lot of people that viewed the military a “Man’s World”.

One of his favorite things about that day was when introductions were made. Everyone was introduced, and Price asked if you had any questions.

“Yeah. What the hell kind of name is Soap?”

In the moment, everyone knew you’d fit in quite well.

Months later and you still made the perfect addition to the team. You were the missing piece that had finally made them whole. Ghost was oblivious to his attraction to you at first. He chalked it up to his respect for you. He slowly realized his feelings over the course of time. The little moments you shared to the serious situations you both were in.

One of the little moments was when you found him on the roof. Everyone was celebrating a successful mission, but neither of you were fans of celebration.

“Thought I’d find you here.” You hummed taking a seat next to him. His heart jumped at the thought of you actively seeking him out.

“Seekin’ me out?” He replied taking a drag on the cigarette between his lips. You never replied, plucking the cigarette from him and taking a drag yourself before passing it back. A comfortable silence had fallen upon you two before your voice broke it.

“It’s because of the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz.” You spoke out of no where.

“What?” He asked, head snapping in your direction. Startled at the randomness of what you said. He suddenly remembered from earlier that day how Soap had been asking you how you got your callsign. The only reply Soap got would be some sarcastic remark from you. He was curious as well, callsigns were something unique that each of them had.

“The Wizard of Oz. The Tin Man wanted a heart. Early on, people joked about if I had a heart or not.”

He could see where you’d gotten the name from. You treated everyone coldly, everyone but 141 and, more importantly, him. He felt honored that you trusted him with something like that, especially knowing that you didn’t open up and trust just anyone. He felt his heart warm, knowing that he knew something no one else had.

That night was the start of something deeper. A newfound trust and something bigger than just friendship bloomed. You had opened up to him about your past as well. Your lack of family and the traumas over the span of your life, and he had done the same. More being in common with the two of you than originally thought.

The thing that broke the camels back between the two of you happen on an intel mission. You two were supposed to sneak in and grab a USB hard drive that had important information on it about illegal weapon exchanges. The rest of 141 would provide recon and cover. The mission had gone smoothly up until the end. There was a sudden change as no one was expecting a convoy to arrive. That’s when the fighting ensued.

The enemies were eventually taken care of, you two escaping with a few cuts and bruises from people that had gotten a bit too close. You both got up from your positions when Price’s voice infiltrated your ears. “Good job everyone, time to exfil before we have bigger problems.”

As the two of you cautiously moved from your positions, you saw a glimmer out the corner of your eye. Laying there was one of the soldiers, blood dripping from his mouth from the fatal bullet wound to his torso. There was determination in his eyes to get in one final shot before he had succumbed to his injuries. The pistol had made its way to point at Ghost, and it had all happened too fast to raise the gun in your hands to finish him. Even if you had, he still would’ve been able to get a shot off.

A shot echoed throughout the base, one that had the rest of 141’s heads turning in the direction.

“Ghost. Oz. How copy?” Price’s voiced echoed through.

A voice came through, the panic unnoticeable to untrained ears, “We need medical evac as soon as possible. We’re not going to make exfil.”

Ghost had felt a sharp pain in his side as he stumbled forwards. Turning to look at you he realized that your elbow was the cause of the pain as you shoved him away. The sound of the gunshot registering a split second later. Time seemed to stand still as he saw the red blossoming across your chest. Rage and fear had filled him as he turned to the source of the shot, the soldier now dead.

“Simon.” He heard you quietly say. His head snapped in your direction as he rushed to you while your legs gave out.

“Ghost. Oz. How copy?”

His hands fumbled to press down on the button to relay your need for help back to Price. Panic flooding him as he works to put pressure on the wound. His heart strings tugged at your pained whimpers and gritted teeth, knowing he had caused pain at the contact.

“We need medical evac as soon as possible. We’re not going to make exfil.” He knows that they heard the panic that filtered his voice. All had made comments at one point or another about his lingering stares and subtle touches.

Your eyes kept drifting closed, each blink getting longer and longer.

“No, no, no. Keep your eyes on me, love.” He mumbled loud enough for you to hear. Your heart raced as it registered in your slowing mind. Love.

“That’s it, good girl. Keep ‘em open.” He praised. Your head was swimming with the edges of your vision getting darker, his panicked voice filling your ears begging you to hold on.

Beeping was the first thing you had heard coming to, a weight in your hand bringing you closer to reality. Opening your eyes, the first thing you checked was to see what the weight was from. Ghost’s hunched figure was leaning on the bed you lay in, back rising and falling in a slow pattern. You rubbed your thumb across the back of his hand, gently coaxing him from his sleep. His head shot up, eyes drawing to yours as relief filled them.

“Fucking hell. Don’t do that again, sweetheart.” He spoke, gripping your hand a bit tighter.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily.” You commented with a smirk on your face. A silence took over, you could see the conflict in his eyes.

“Say it.”

“What?” He asked surprised.

“I can see the gears in your head turning. Say it.”

“You scared the hell out of me,” he started after a beat of silence, “I can’t promise it’ll go well, but I’ve waited too long. So, when you get out of here we’re going out.”

“Are you asking me on a date, L.T?” You inquired, a smile making its way onto your face.

“I’m not asking, sweetheart.”

[taleofturtleclan]

MOON 13

“...and so, it sounds a lot to me like the cats who attacked her are the same ones that killed Margo and drove me out,” Brokenmast concluded.

“Thank you, Brokenmast,” Shellstar replied calmly. Internally she wanted to wail. An unknown, aggressive group of cats was the last thing the burgeoning TurtleClan needed to deal with right now, so soon after leafbare. Pearl might have honored them with the title of “warriors”, but the truth was that all of them were more hunters than fighters. She knew that Currentheart and Sandtail had encouraged the other cats to start sparring with each other, but it had never been as big of a priority as finding food, and she feared that against a group of cats both belligerent and intelligent, they would all come up lacking. And yet it was her duty to prepare her Clan as best she could for the potential threat.

Shellstar clawed her way up the Tallmast, taking a moment to let the cool air off the ocean ruffle her fur and calm her mind before she gathered her Clan. “Let all cats old enough to hunt gather here beneath the Tallmast for a Clan meeting!” Her summons had changed since they’d officially become TurtleClan, but her campmates responded just the same, heads popping out of dens all around camp. It was a good time for a meeting. All of TurtleClan was in camp just after sunhigh, sharing tongues and enjoying a midday meal before returning to their various duties, so they gathered quickly and completely–she even caught a glimpse of Quiver, broken paw bound tight against a branch, crouched awkwardly just outside of the entrance of Dustjump’s den. That was good. The molly was a bit jumpy and strange, but TurtleClan was small, and they needed more cats familiar with the area and the threats it had to offer–Currentheart’s death had proved that much. Perhaps they could convince her to stay after she healed. 

“Cats of TurtleClan,” Shellstar began, “Brokenmast has been speaking with Quiver,” –the cream colored molly jumped at the mention of her name–”and he found many similarities in her story to the cats that attacked him and Margo some seasons ago. We suspect these cats are an organized group, and fear that they may cause trouble for TurtleClan down the line.”

“They will,” Tidechaser’s lilting tone drifted up from the back of the clearing. Shellstar stiffened.

“You sound familiar with them,” she said, letting her words fall flatly.

“I know of them,” he corrected, “they call themselves the Children of Salt and Sand. They’re a group of cats that believe only cats who are direct descendents of the First Children–the first cats to walk these beaches–deserve to live upon the shores. They think that everyone else has a duty to either serve as they see fit, or move far, far away.”

Whispering broke out among the Clan at Tidechaser’s revelation. 

“Is that so,” Shellstar grated out each word individually. This was more than a passing rumor he’d picked up this Newleaf. No, this was something that Tidechaser had known for moons, probably before they’d even wrecked on the beach. And he hadn’t said a word up until now. Not when they’d arrived, not when Brokenmast had been left for dead by these brutes, and not any time after that, either. Shellstar tried to control her anger, forcing her fur flat. There was one more thing she had to know right away.

“How soon will they become a problem for us?”

“Not for moons yet. Maybe seasons. They’ll eventually want to claim the whole beach, but their attention is focused further upshore for now, and even after that, they’ll want to take care of any lone cats before they try to force out a larger group.”

“I see. Tidechaser, come speak with me in my den for more details. The rest of you are dismissed for now. No cat goes anywhere near the borders alone until we know more.”

Sandtail dipped his head in understanding, waving the rest of the Clan forward to organize them into patrols for their evening duties. Shellstar barely noticed. Her ears were buzzing with fury as she stalked stiffly into her den to await Tidechaser. He was only a few pawsteps behind her, and as soon as he’d passed through the old window she rounded on him, back arched. 

“Where did all of that come from?” Shellstar exploded. “How long have you known that we were sleeping in a fox’s den, just waiting for it to come back.”

“I’ve known from the beginning. The group was founded two seasons before you all arrived here.”

At least he wasn’t lying about it now. “And you never thought to tell us?”

“You never thought to ask,” he countered.

“I shouldn’t have to,” Shellstar spat, “you shouldn’t need me to ask you about whether or not we were all in danger since the moment we arrived here. You must know how it looks–how it’s always looked. You showing up to join a strange group of cats with no explanation when you clearly didn’t care enough to help us during the wreck, the way you always held yourself apart from us, doing exactly as you were told and nothing more. So give me a real answer. One that gives me the tiniest reason why I should allow you to remain in TurtleClan when you’ve been lying through your teeth to us the whole time.”

“I never lied,” Tidechaser protested. “But I didn’t tell you the whole truth, either,” he sighed. “Very well. You do deserve to know the whole truth. But it isn’t such an interesting tale as you might believe. From the very beginning, the Children have wanted me among their ranks. I come from a very old bloodline, and so I was good enough to join their clique. But I didn’t want that. The beach has plenty of resources for those who know how to find them. Cats of old blood, cats of new blood, anyone who can survive here has a right to stay. So I turned them down. But they were… relentless. Following me wherever I denned, nagging and nagging me to join them, despite the fact that I’ve always kept to myself, despite the fact that I told them that I didn’t believe in their cause. So when you landed here, it felt like the winds of Fate himself had blown you right into my paws. You were a group to pit against the children, with enough cats to stand up to them and possibly put a stop to their crusade. But as the moons passed I… found myself starting to care about what happened to you all. I started to think of myself as one of you. I didn’t want to use you like I’d originally planned, but by then…well, how could I tell you what I knew? How could I excuse holding it back for so long? It was easier to just… not say anything at all. Not do anything at all.” Tidechaser’s eyes had grown unfocused, but they snapped back to reality in that heartbeat. “And then Currentheart died. It made me realize that holding things back, even when I didn’t think them relevant, still had a cost. A cost I’m tired of paying. It… isn’t easy for me to do this. To be open and honest. But I have to try. I have to change if I want to be part of TurtleClan. And… I do,” he admitted.

Shellstar crouched in silence, digesting his story, parsing through it for any lies or discrepancies. He seemed earnest but Tidechaser had always been… distant. Cold. Mysterious. If any cat would be able to lie like a fox, it would be him. And yet… if she spent her days looking over her shoulder for threats at her back, she couldn’t focus on the greater danger ahead. Shellstar made her decision. “I believe you,” she said. “And I want you to tell me everything you know about how these Children of Salt and Sand go about conducting this crusade of theirs…”

A/N: Sorry guys, no art today, just a lot of plot. My carpel tunnel had a bad flare up this week and I wasn't able to hold a pen.

[seoness]

Hi! I love your writing so much!

This question may be silly, but I was wondering if you think Sandor often feels lonely? Of course his scar alienates him quite a bit, and he doesn’t seem shy to mention that he’s a fierce man that loves killing. He seems very hostile and antisocial, but in the books it also seems like he’s often seeking out Sansa. Even if it’s to antagonize her, it looks like he feels the need to seek someone out and talk to them. He also talks a lot more than the show version, not exclusively to Sansa either.

Varys mentions that he gambles and goes to winesinks too. You’re always going to be in the company of others if you go to places like that, right? At the same time, he doesn’t seem to have any friends. What do you think? Is he lonely and trying to make connections in his own way, or does he not care to? Do you think it could be somewhere in the middle or something else entirely?

My assumption is that maybe he thinks it’s not a possibility for him. At the same time, he can be reasonably social, like at Joffrey’s nameday celebration. I was curious to know what you think!

So to figure this out we need to delve into his entire mindset. Sandor's worldview is simple and not entirely unfounded and he holds it as truth. It's a point of pride for him, that he can see the world around him for what it truly is. It isn't what the mummers sing of. It isn't a place of legends and gallant knights, it is ugly and horrid. Violence is needed, it doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, it gets the job done and most men enjoy it. Some may scrounge their nose at spilling blood, but they still enjoy the bounty it brings. By Joffrey favoring him, he is also afforded the luxury of not adhering to all the norms while still being at court where everyone else tries their utmost to keep to them. So not only does he get to enjoy Lannister gold, but gets to bother some lordlings. He's seldom alone. Tyrion points out that the Hound rarely leaves Joffrey's side. It's why he goes to Varys who says he goes to winesinks, tumbles dice, and visits brothels.

He's not antisocial like his brother but he's no social butterfly either. Feared by most yet his martial skills surely would earn him a great deal of respect. At least from those of lower standing. Before the Starks, Sandor was content at being a thistle amongst roses at court. Meeting them cast his semblance of a life into a downfall.

Sandor is cruel, sure, but never senselessly like Gregor. He knows that. His demeanor, harsh and spiteful, isn't something that attracts people to befriend him and I think that is by design. Many in Westeros have gotten themselves a meeting with the Stranger from loving or caring for the wrong person. He was already betrayed by his brother and father, so he might be inclined to not seek out and try his luck again.

Yet the Starks burrowed themselves into him by triggering him. Not just Sansa. The entire brood. He came from a shit family, served a shit family and suddenly there's this family that lives in a fairytale world of honor and duty. I'd also wager he'd smell their incompetence in King's Landing politics a league away.

Sansa clearly annoys him the most. He mocks her for her beliefs. He offers guidance. He sexualizes her. Nothing really latches on. Because his interactions with Sansa aren't about her, it's about him. His worldview fits a maze. Walk down a certain path and you'll land with a certain outcome. Sansa is walking along a similar path as him, yet what if she doesn't see the world as him after everything that has happened? What if she doesn't adapt the same way he did? Not entirely unlikely, after all, a little bird isn't bound to the path of a maze. The first interactions with her were warning her of the path ahead, then they try to nudge her in some direction he views better. He offers shortcuts in an attempt for her to skip some of the more painful parts he knows are around the bend. All the while, he doesn't see that what he really doesn't want is for her to fly up and find an outlook he never did. That's why, I don't think his interactions with her are about sating his loneliness. It's to embolden it. Justify it.

When Joffrey offers him the Kingsguard position Sandor agrees and points out that he doesn't have a woman to leave behind. I, however, think it's a deeper loneliness that isn't solved by finding someone to warm his bed at night. If he truly was that desperate he could have plucked a willing woman from Flea Bottom. It's a loneliness that has been with him since birth, denied the love of a brother and the protection of a father, denied a future he could have had.

Sandor savors that he can "see the world for what it's truly like" yet is mostly passive in it. A tool for that fucked up world to use and has allowed himself to be only that. Well, mostly. The few times he acts of his own will he helps someone. When he tells Sansa at Blackwater that he'd lost everything, he's not necessarily lying, but in that everything he was nothing.

We can see this better in the books. His brokenness. He was captured when he was found sleeping off a drunk. When building the palisade he's paid in drink. When he stomps into the Crossroads Inn? It's in search of wine. It's much more clear that he's a traumatized man who hardened himself to survive, but by doing so became brittle and had no glue to keep him together apart from drink and simple pleasures.

[twistedtavern]

Another reverse au interaction or continuation? (I like the reverse au)

It has been EONS since I have received this ask, but now I know exactly which of them shall be tonight's Mother of Fucker. Idk this is kinda more of a character introduction than anything.

CW: Yandere, I tried to salvage this irreverent/sarcastic Yuu but idk if it worked, reader is Yuu, canon-typical racism, canon-typical Sebek slander, murder/execution mention, LIGHTLY IMPLIED planning of genocide, implied abuse

You swore today was going to be a normal day when you woke up.

You had awoken, got ready for your inevitably exhausting day at NRC, and the moment you were about to be on your merry way, you were greeted by none other than Lilia Vanrouge and... Sebek with his hair down?

Lilia explained that apparently there was a second Sebek running around, this being the second in question, and long story short he was dumping Diasomnia's 6'2 crocodile surplus on you.

And as Lilia left, you could see for the barest second that this strange other Sebek looked back at him with the shiftiest eyes you had ever seen. Even Jamil, pre ass-kicking, looked less shifty than this rat bastard who had been placed before you, but everyone in this school was either shifty or a rat bastard or very much both, so he fit right in.

The differences from the Sebek you were used to were minute, but noticeable. Most apparent was his hairstyle, not overloaded with gel to keep it upright, and instead left to hang down. Funnily, it almost made him look like a completely different person. The front of his blazer was buttoned up completely, and the ribbon signifying his dorm was missing, as well as the golden pin to go with it. If it weren't for the bright green magestone, you wouldn't have been able to tell he was even in Diasomnia.

You blinked owlishly up at him, and he looked down at you before promptly looking away and bowing his head, as if to avoid eye contact.

" Greetings, prefect. I don't want any trouble. Just say the word, and I will leave," he said simply. He raised his head again, still very pointedly not looking you in the eye as his gaze scanned around Ramshackle. He seemed quietly surprised by his surroundings.

You looked at him in confusion, deciding to just be a polite host, " Uh... No, you're okay. You can grab a snack and sit down, if you want. I don't have a lot of movies, but I've memorized the passwords to Cater's streaming subscriptions."

His voice suddenly changed as a faint confusion ghosted over his features before being replaced by a polite, small smile, " Ah, forgive me. It seems you are quite different from the Ramshackle Prefect that I have been accustomed to,"  he bowed halfway at the waist, one arm bent behind his back as the other reached to gingerly take your hand in his and raise the back of your palm to his lips.

Hearing Sebek's boisterous, proud shouts replaced by a low, dulcet tone as his gloved thumb traced over your knuckles rendered you speechless. You could only blink through your sheer lack of comprehension. You were being handled like glass, in stark contrast to the occasional times your usual Sebek would unceremoniously pick you up by the collar to plop you down wherever he saw fit.

The subtle tilt of his head and his half-lidded eyes sent a whirl of the most baffled butterflies in Wonderland alight in your gut as he finally looked into your eyes. Sebek... kinda looked good with his hair down... That was all you would say. You dumbly looked up at him as he stood at full height again, your hand still over his. His smile returned as he saw your expression, and he spoke again.

" I am Sebek Zigvolt," he placed his other hand over yours, and don't think anyone d been this blatantly into you since your last conversation with Rook. " I am honored to be your houseguest."

" O-Oh. Thanks...!" you squeaked out.

His expression became gentler, if that was even possible, and he continued, " Pardon my ignorance, but what is your name? I'm afraid I've never heard the housewarden of Ramshackle referred to as anything more polite than the Prefect, at least from Dawn Phoenix College."

" I'm Yuu. I'm not much housewarden as I am the only non-cat to live here, I guess," you paused as his words fully registered in your brain, " Wait- Dawn Pheonix? I've never heard of that."

The... transfer student(?) looked puzzled, " It is the school attended by His Highness and Grand General Vanrouge," he seemed somewhat... irritated having to say it, a shocking development, given that the Sebek you knew made his downright worship of the former a good three-fourths of his entire personality. " But it appears as if this place can boast that same accolade."

" Yeah. This is Night Raven College. Where's Dawn Pheonix located?" you asked. You were usually tasked with being the resident helper, so you began to naturally slip into that mode.

" Sage Island, if memory serves," he mused, before coyly smiling at you. You felt his hand move from covering yours to... holding your chin up?!?

" If I may, I must admit I do enjoy this Night Raven College far more."

You froze at the contact like you had been raised in a nunnery, and you felt your face heat up. From your throat came a noise like the peep of a tiny bird, and you immediately turned your head in embarassment, squeezing your eyes shut. He chuckled, and-

" THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH!!"

A large figure came between the two of you, a heavy hand over your face shoving you back so hard you fell square on your butt, and the push from the other hand hardly made your companion stumble back.

Sebek, your Sebek, had suddenly arrived, here just in time to give you your daily headache. He turned to yell at you, but your attention caught on the expression of the second. The other crocodile turned to look at him with a sharp, silent stare, green eyes wide and pupils slitted. It was almost startling, how his demeanor changed from gentle and flirtatious to seething anger barely being restrained.

You expected him to do something, but he stood completely still, gaze locked completely on the yelling guard as he scolded you about propriety. What surprised you was yet another complete 180 in tone, an amicable smile to rival Kalim's appearing on his face as he set a hand on your frenemy's shoulder.

" Come now, brother! It's just a mere human. I see no need to bother."

Sebek whirled around upon feeling his touch, still scowling. " Then just what were you doing, TOUCHING them like that?!?"

Not-Sebek seemed completely unbothered by his words, " Ah, don't be that way! I was just having a little bit of fun. It wouldn't have gone much farther, I assure you."

This statement angered both Sebek and you, the heat on your cheeks increasing in intensity from your embarrassment mixing with newfound indignation at his implication that you were "just" some human toy he could have "fun" with. Sebek opened his mouth before you could, " HOW DARE YOU? The prefect is NOT some- S-Some PLAYTHING!! They may be a puny human, but they can't be that easy to string along!"

You scoffed in offense as you looked at both of them, and you saw the cornered half-fae's gaze flit towards you for the barest second before his smile faded slightly. His eyes narrowed somewhat as he looked at Sebek, " And what's got you so interested in what I do with them? To think, you'd be keeping His Excellency waiting so."

Sebek's attitude changed in an instant. You facepalmed while Sebek squawked, " T-The young master?!? He's waiting?!?"

Not-Sebek nodded and tutted at him with crossed arms as if disappointed, " Since you seem so concerned about this human, I had naturally assumed you would be here. I was sent to fetch you for urgent business, since we all know just how much you are relied on."

" WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHEN I WALKED IN?!?" he all but screeched, before darting out the door, " I'M COMING, MASTER MALLEUS!!"

The remaining first-year snickered wryly to himself as his adversary practically disappeared into thin air, muttering to himself, " Works every time... boot-licking sucker."

He turned to you, his self-satisfied sneer pulling the exact same disappearing act when he saw your expression. With a face like he had been injured, he dropped to one knee before you, holding his head low and crossing one arm over his chest.

" I beg that you forgive me. You are my gracious host, and this is not the first time I have had to utter such slanderous lies in front of a crown loyalist. It was done for the sole purpose of preserving your safety," he said with as much of a smooth, even tone as one could while simpering on the floor.

You gawked at him, still angry, before speaking your piece, " My safety? In front of Sebek?? The greatest threat HE poses to me is rendering me deaf! I'll tell you one thing, and it's that this school is full of two-faced con artists, and I'm sick of it! I'm sure as hell not gonna have one staying in my dorm without proof of improvement!"

He looked up like you had struck him. You pointed firmly toward the door, " Go! Go on back to wherever your overgrown lizard prince is skulking around! Shoo!"

You saw the green locks lower again, hiding a sharp-toothed snarl and brightened green eyes as the crocodile fae bristled at your rejection. His hands balled into white-knuckled fists as his face became politely remorseful, and he stood up. Not-Sebek looked at you with mournful, yet determined eyes, " I will give you the proof you desire as soon as possible, honored housewarden."

" Good for you, now get!" you huffed.

He bowed his head once more before leaving, walking out the door just like his counterpart.

Once he had walked far enough away, a rage overcame him, dead silent and blazing. Not towards you, an innocent human would never earn his wrath, but towards that disgusting, dirty sympathizer that had interrupted his time in your presence. Finally, someone else he could truly dedicate his cause to, and yet, through pure meddling, he would need to get back into your good graces.

" ...to the gallows... no, the guillotine."

His words came out in a growling hiss, swearing his revenge... just another head to put on a pike once the time was right. Once the dragon falls, it'd only be a matter of time until his circus of a court will follow at the hand of the future Lord Zigvolt, dragon-slaying usurper of Briar Valley, and the last remainder of fae blood.

A glittering hoard, a towering throne, and the corpses of every fae in the Valley rotting on the outside just as within... A crown on his head, just like it belongs. A shimmering ring on your finger, just where it belongs. All of it, his dream, the thing that made everything worth it. Every straining smile, every time he was forced to say "human" as if it were a dirty word, every time he'd seen poor Silver limping through the halls at another ungodly hour.

Some day, it all had to come to an end... Didn't it...?

[phandomphightclub]

Honorable Mention Round: The eliminated phighters of the Phandom Phight Club vs. Birch Tree Fartman Himself

Disclaimer:  This is all done as a joke in good fun.  While I don’t agree with a lot of his personal views, I definitely do not advocate for anyone to physically harm Butch Hartman in any way.  Also, minimal to no effort was made to make anyone in character with their actual personalities.  Enjoy!

“Holy flying ice cream,” Tali murmured up at the sky, where the ghost who’d spoken descended amid a cloud of darkness.  “Get down, guys.  Get down!”

Danny didn’t need to be told twice; he went intangible and phased himself, Sam, and Tucker through the floor of the bleachers.

“What are you doing, Danny!?”  Sam stage-whispered.  “We can’t just leave them to fight that - that - what was that?”

Something in the depths of Danny’s memory had been stirred at the voice, but he still couldn’t say.

“There’s a whole stadium full of ghosts out there.  They can handle it. My job is keeping you two safe.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Tucker said.  Still, Danny was curious.  Staying invisible, he stuck his head up through the floor.

“Vic?  Come in, Vic!”  Tali was shouting into the walkie talkie.  All she got was static.

“Come on, what’s with all the panic?”  The voice asked.  Danny still couldn’t see his face; his form was shrouded in the dark mist.  “Aren’t you happy to see your creator?”

“Creator?”  Sam asked incredulously.  “Is that ghost saying he’s-?”

“If that’s God, I’m converting to atheism,” Tucker said in forced deadpan.

“No,” Danny shook his head, which was still sticking up through the floor, so his friends couldn’t see it anyway.  “That’s not - I know who this is.  I just - can’t remember.”

As the ghost came to rest over the pavement - ignoring the barrier that should have kept him out - the smoke veiling him finally cleared.  Danny cringed in expectation of some eldritch horror, but it was just… a man. A regular, human-looking man, with dark hair and a cocky grin.  He clasped his hands behind his back.

“It’s a nice place you have here,” he said conversationally, staring around the arena.  “It’s too bad that none of this is canon.”

“Nobody cares if it’s canon!”  A brave ghost shouted from the crowd.

“Nobody cares.”  The man sighed.  “Nobody cares!  Well, I know one person who does.”

He revealed his hands from behind his back, and Danny’s stomach dropped.  It wasn’t possible, but there he was, weilding a weapon Danny knew he’d destroyed.

“Danny?  What’s going on?”  Sam demanded from below. He pulled his head back under to answer.

“He’s got the Reality Gauntlet,” Danny answered in a broken voice.  “All the gems, too.”

“What?”  Sam and Tucker shouted.

“Shhhh!  We can’t let him know we’re here!”  Danny whispered.  For some reason, Tali had been intent on them hiding, and he couldn’t help the feeling in his gut that told him it was for a good reason.

“Me.”  The man snapped his fingers, and the arena disappeared.  All of it - all the seats, all the cracked, potholed pavement, all the concession stands full of Cheez-Its—gone.  In one snap.

All the ghosts, fortunately, were still standing - or, well, floating.  Several flew away, screaming in all-out panic.  A few stood their ground, however, including most of the Denny’s crew.

“This is not good.  This is very, very not good,” Tali muttered, staring at her walkie-talkie.  Hopefully Vic was safe in the Denny’s, which hadn’t been affected by the snap.  She’d have to distract him long enough to make sure he didn’t notice it.  She’d put in too much effort to let it get destroyed on the whim of some egotistical ghost, no matter how powerful he was.

“Hey, Birch Tree Fartman!”  She shouted into her megaphone, which wasn’t connected to the speaker system and therefore still worked.

“Hmm?”  The ghost looked up at her.  “Calling names isn’t very polite, you know.”

Birch Tree Fartman, Danny thought, remembering back to Tali’s comment from the last round - it was the name for a ghost who wasn’t supposed to be named.

“Butch Hartman,” Danny whispered as his eyes widened.  “That’s who he is, that’s - that’s the guy who created my TV show!”

“Danny, you weren’t supposed to say his name!”  Sam hissed.  But it was too late.  Butch’s eyes glowed bright red.

“Someone’s summoned me again,” he murmured.  “Where is he?  I can feel him close… my son.  Danny?  Are you here?”

Danny’s blood ran cold.  Or ectoplasm, since he was in ghost form - whatever.

“Dude, that guy is not your dad.  Right?”  Tucker asked nervously.

“Probably just another frootloop wanting to ‘adopt’ me,” Danny said with more confidence than he felt.  Butch had created his TV show, which, through the impossible laws of metaphysics and the writer’s discretion, meant that he had created Danny.  Like a father.  Only Danny had no memory of it, and had a feeling that that was for a reason.

“Ah.”  Butch’s eyes glowed brighter.  “There you are.”

There were no more bleachers or floor for protection.  Aside from Tali who still stood between them, they were completely vulnerable.

“Danny!”  She shouted.  “Get out of here!”

“I-”

“Why would you listen to this ghost?”  Butch asked, floating towards them.  “She’s not even canon.  Why, I could just snap my fingers, and-”

“Would you like a pancake?”

Butch blinked.  Suddenly floating behind him was a ghost in fuzzy rainbow twinkle toes, a monster hat, and a fanny pack.  She was also holding a platter stacked high with pancakes.

“Uh, no, I’m kind of in the middle of something, random non-canon ghost.  Why don’t you go crawl back to the fanfic gutter where you belong?”

“Now that’s what I’d call not very polite,” the waiter—Ectolights—said, then shoved the platter of pancakes into his face.

“GAH!”  Butch shouted, wiping the syrup from his red eyes.  “Why you little—!”

“There’s more where that came from!”  Another ghost said, teleporting between Tali and Butch.

“Vic!”  Tali grinned.  “You made it!”

She winked back at her before turning back to Butch.  “Alright, Phighters!  Execute Plan Delta Despa Dorito 0.25, Reverse Formation!”

At her command, a flood of ghosts teleported into the empty space between them, all wearing the most ridiculous outfits Danny had ever seen. He caught glimpses of croc hats, sequinned leggings, zoot suits, weed socks - even a full-body Gritty costume.

“What—you think your poor taste in fashion can defeat me?”  Butch chuckled.

“Maybe not,” Tali said, flying to join Vic at the front of the small army.  “But these are some of the best phighters this side of the ghost zone. And some of the best employees too.  So without further monologuing—PHIGHT!”

The ghosts charged at Birch Tree, some holding their weapons from earlier on in the phight, some just wielding standard-issue ectoblasts and fists.  Regardless of fighting style, all had the rabid violent enthusiasm one would expect from an elite team of shitposters.

Before he could be overwhelmed, Butch quickly threw up a translucent red barrier.  Spacegravedoodles smashed directly into it, their barred sunglasses shattering on impact.

“MY EYES!”  They cried, forgetting to hover and falling towards the depths of the ghost zone.

“See?  Your lawless fanon is powerless here,” Butch taunted.  

“It’s pronounced PHANON!”  Ectopusses shouted before shattering the barrier with a sharp kick from her guac-coated flip flops.  Butch covered his heads as the red shards fell around him.

“Alright team, here’s our chance!”  Tali called.  “Go for the gauntlet!”

From there, all semblance of order broke down as approximately 20 ghosts fought to reach the metal gauntlet.  At least in all the chaos, Butch was too distracted to use it.  The chaos only compounded when a familiar tune began to play from behind them.  It was a glitchy song being scratched out, but a few words were recognizable.

“Phantom Planet’s not canon, F you,”  Lexosaurus beatboxed behind them while dabbing.  The music sent Butch into a rage; his eyes glowed with the threat of an ectoblast.

“Get down!”  Fantasma-Exspiravit (who was wearing a vampire costume) shouted, but not soon enough to save Gosteon, who was blasted backwards into the abyss.  Meanwhile, Phantombreadproject (in a dress made of ballpit balls) and Cluelessintheusa (in horrible pink-and-blue leggings) attempted to tackle Butch from behind.

“Surprise attacks?  Please, I created your reality.”  He spun and punched the two of them so hard they were sent flying.  “I know what you’re going to do before you do.  How do you expect to defeat me?”

From further back, where they were floating invisibly, Tucker whispered to Danny and Sam.

“He’s got a point.  If he actually did create this place somehow, how can we beat him?”

“We beat Pariah Dark,” Danny said, though his voice was grim.  “We can beat this frootloop too.  But… they might need some help.”

“Danny,” Sam warned, “I don’t know what he wants with you, but be careful.  Whatever it is, it can’t be good.”

She didn’t have to tell him that twice.  Any strange old men claiming to be his father had bad news written all over them.  Ignoring the danger, though, he flew up to the fray.

“Hey, Birch Tree!  It’s me you want, not them!”

Sam smacked her forehead.  “So much for being careful.”

His voice distracted Butch long enough for needstobehelped (who was unrecognizable under her Grundy costume) to get him in a headlock.  Butch grunted, scraping at her furry arms.

“Nngh… you shoul’ve… gone for the hand.”  With one snap from his gauntleted fingers, needstobehelped was gone.

No one had time to wonder what that meant for her.  They just had to get rid of Butch, now.

Danny launched ectoblasts from a (relatively) safe distance, careful to avoid hitting the ghosts on his side.  Still, it was such a mess that he accidentally blasted Ifellbecausegravity, who was wearing a suit similar to his – only hers had advertisements from Nasty Burger glued to it.  Why hadn’t he thought of that?  It would’ve been one way he could’ve made money while working as a full-time superhero – but that wasn’t important right now.

“Danny, don’t you remember me?”  Butch asked with mock hurt.  “I’ve missed you, son.  Why don’t you come back with me and we can give you the fourth season you deserved?”

“He deserves better than you, dipstick!”  Voidetrap said while decking him with a gloved Minion arm.  The hit barely fazed him; he flicked her away as if she were a pesky bug.

“As I was saying,” Butch cleared his throat, “don’t you want to see what I could’ve done for you?  You’re stuck in limbo.  Why, after Phantom Planet, you would’ve–”

There it was again: Phantom Planet.  Those two words set off a buzzing pain in Danny’s head.  He gripped at his hair, crying out when the pain intensified.

“Ah, I see.  You’re just now starting to remember.  These so-called fans have brainwashed you to the point that you’ve forgotten everything.”

Had they?  Had he – was he supposed to –

“You’ve got to fight it, Danny!”  Tali urged him.  “Birch Tree will do anything to manipulate you!”

“And these ghosts will do anything to keep you broken,” Butch sneered while grappling with What-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me, who was wearing short shorts with Enemy of the State plastered across the butt.  “You should see the angst they’ve written about you!  Dissections.  Pain. Your family abandoning you.  Why would you listen to them?”

“Because we care about him!”  What-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me said.  “He’s just a tool to you so you can make even more clickbait videos and pretend you’re still relevant!”

Butch snarled and finally shook her off; she went tumbling into the abyss, but another ghost took her place.

“The saturation on all of your art is way too bright!” Luma said, decking him over the head with their pillow.

“That… that would explain a lot.”  Danny shook off his uncertainties. Whatever kind of ghost Butch was, he didn’t deserve control over Danny’s life.  “You may have started my story, but I’m going to finish it!”

His legs morphed into his ghostly tail as he flew forward, ramming into Butch with his shoulder.  The breath knocked from his chest, Butch tumbled back - but not before Dots (in a full-body suit covered in Dannos) and Bibliophileap (in an outfit too terrible to be described) could grab hold of the Reality Gauntlet.

“Pull!”  Dots cried, and the two ghosts heaved for all they were worth.  Though they were still tumbling along with Butch, they managed to right themselves and exert all the energy they had left.  The Reality Gauntlet finally dislodged from his hand with a sharp pop.

“NO!”  Butch cried.  “This is my show!  Mine!  I created your childhood!”

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t.”  Vic shrugged

“Either way, we decide where we go from here.”  Tali smirked as Bibliophileap and Dots brought back the gauntlet.  “As winner of the honorable mention round, Five-Rivers should get to do the honors.”

“Back to the Shadow Realm for you.” Verbally-Situational-Irony flashed her Yu-Gi-Oh cards as Five-Rivers put on the gauntlet, having to slip it under her bedsheet covering first.

“You are the weakest link,” Five-Rivers said.  “Goodbye.”

She snapped.

“No, wait!  I don’t want to go –  just think of all the YouTube videos we could’ve made together!  You could’ve been buff instead of a twiggly little twink like these idiots make you!”  His body began to crumble to dust.  “Daniel! Wait!  I don’t want to–”

“Oh, and Birch?”  Tali cut him off with a grin.  “It’s ‘yo.’ Not ‘young.’”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  Was his last cry before his form completely dissolved, scattered to the ends of the ghost zone by a gentle wind.

Lexx stopped beatboxing in order to cheer, and soon that cheer was taken up by all the ghosts as they returned to the site of the now-nonexistent arena.

“Wow,” Sam said as she and Tucker floated towards Danny.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” he laughed.  “That was weird.”

“Does your head still hurt?”  She asked.

“Nah.  I think I’ll be fine, as long as no one tries to tell me what a Phantom Planet is.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t,” Tali assured him, then called to the rest of the ghosts.  “Alright, guys!  Stand clear!”

There was a confused mutter before Vic took the megaphone and explained.  “We’re bringing back the stadium, so unless you want to get crushed, get your butts out of the way!”

After being told twice, the crowd finally cleared.  Five-Rivers, still wielding the Reality Gauntlet, waved her arm.  As it passed over the space where the stadium once was, the architecture rebuilt itself out of nothing.  The ghosts who’d been yeeted off by Butch reappeared as well, blinking in disorientation.

Tali sniffed, wiping her eyes.  “It’s beautiful.  Phight Club, I’ll never let you get destroyed by a crazy ghost with a superiority complex ever again.”

The crowd cheered, flooding back into the stadium.  All except for Tali, Danny, Sam, and Tucker.

“So, uh… is he really gone?”  Danny had to ask.  He’d thought the Reality Gauntlet was destroyed before, and it had come back.  What was to say Butch couldn’t too?

Tali sighed.  “I’m not sure a ghost like that can ever truly be gone.  But if he comes back, we’ll yeet him into the nether realm.”

“Fair enough.  But about the Reality Gauntlet…”

“We’ll take good care of it,” Tali said with a knowing smile, the kind that let Danny know it wasn’t up for discussion.  “If Birch Tree does come back, we’ll need a way to defend ourselves.”

“No way,” Sam said.  “No one should have that kind of power.”

Tali raised her eyebrows.  “What are you going to do, take it from us?”

She started a retort, then bit her lip.  Tali nodded as if that settled that.

“Oh!  There’s one thing I almost forgot!”

She sounded her kazoo to the tune of the Danny Phantom theme song.

“Birch Tree Fartman is unable to battle!  Five-Rivers – and the collective Phandom Phight Club – win!”

@five-rivers is the winner of the Honorable Mention Round!  Mod Vic is working on your certificate for winning, but she has finals coming up so it might be a little while before it’s done.  Thanks everyone for phighting with us!

[rainytea]

Gilbert Nightray X Fem! Reader Headcanons!

Rating: SFW & NSFW

Tags/CW: Fluff, some minor master/servant play, minor pet play. Mostly soft Gilbert :D

A/N: This was requested a LONG time ago from the same person who requested the Vincent Nightray HCs! Sorry it took so long to get to Gilbert!

Gilbert was my first crush on an anime character so I am honored to write for this fine man!

Gilbert Nightray X Fem!Reader Headcanons

SFW

Gilbert is a shy boy regardless of how long you two have been together!

Seriously, I don't think I could see Gilbert without a blush on his face when you are next to him. Even the sound of your name makes his face red!

You probably work at Oz's mansion, or at least go on missions with the trio, so he sees you a lot. 

He'll try to play it off as the cool guy he thinks he is, but everyone knows he reverts back to that docile child he used to be when you're mentioned.

Alice even caught Seaweed-Head smiling after spending the afternoon with him. Disgusting.

He had a crush on you first, but he had no idea how to tell you. He worried that he wouldn’t be enough for you, so kept those feelings to himself, even if he wanted to scream it to you.

He still worries that he isn’t good enough for you, but he tries every day to show you all the love he can.

Gilbert is dense af. You are the one who needs to tell him that you love him or it will fly over his handsome head.

If he doesn’t see you a lot, he tries to write to you, or at least make up time with you so you don’t feel so lonely.

He will definitely forgive you if you shoo away any cursed cat! They’re so scary! 

If you are a cat lover, you must do it when he’s not around! He doesn’t want to see you cuddle with the enemy! 

He's a total worry-wort too!

One time, you decided to go with Alice after she dragged you to get food and Gilbert nearly shot Alice for keeping you so late.

Oh yeah, prepare to get roasted by literally everyone. Not because it upsets you. It’s because it upsets Gil lol.

With him worrying too much, it might cause you two to bicker. He’s like a mother hen. You two are quick to forgive though since you know deep down Gilbert really loves you and just wants the best for you.

His favorite past-time with you is laying under the trees with his head in your lap, or you laying on his chest. Not a lot is said, maybe some small talk, but he adores how you can bring his chaotic life such peace.

While I see him as the type to enjoy PDA, he would be so stiff and flustered that it comes as awkward and as if he didn't like it.

He really does love it, but our boy just needs time and reassurance. 

Boy will MELT if you pet his head or play with his hair in private though.

Has a fascination when you wear his coat or his hat. 

His clothes barely fit him! If you want to see a gloomy man turn into a babbling baby, just flash him a smile while wearing his coat and hat. Will turn him into jelly who can’t keep a poker face! He just thinks you're so cute! 

He’s a quiet jealous type. If someone tries to flirt with you, he will glare daggers at them and inch closer until he’s between you too. 

“Y/N, I need your help with something.”

Not really, but he needs you to get tf away from that person and focus on him!

He SOBS over words of appreciation. If you tell him that he means the world to you, he will literally cry (especially if he’s drunk).

He will also return his praise, even going as far as pulling you into his lap so he can just mumble into your ear nothing but how he needs you. 

NSFW

Let’s be honest, Gilbert is probably a virgin

He wanted a way for the right person to lose it, and you were perfect for him. 

You think he’s shy about just holding hands? Oh boy…

He really tries to make sex romantic. Rose petals on the red, candlelight, maybe even wine. But Gilbert is still really nervous about messing up and you being turned off, even though he’s hard as a rock.

Gilbert needs you to probably start things because he’s so nervous. But the second your lips are around his cock he starts to relax. 

His dick is really pretty too. It’s clean with almost no hair. What hair there is, is trimmed or short.

His favorite position is cowgirl, or you on top. He gets a great view of you, and it allows you to set the pace on how rough you need it. 

Plus he gets really flustered if you play with his scar and praise him for being a good boy while bouncing on his cock.

Has a praise kink, as well as a mistress/servant kink.

Also big on overstimulation, and edging.

Very vocal if he's on the bottom. 

"Yes! Fuck me I'm your good boy Mistress! Please fuck me harder!

He’s a switch, probably more sub-leaning. But when he does take a dominant role it’s still a gentle dom. 

Sorry mean-dom lovers, I really don’t see Gilbert being cruel or mean to someone he loves. He probably can take it, but not dish it out

That being said, he can get rough when he’s caught up in the moment. He’ll taunt you and call you pet names that sound condescending, but I don’t think he’d ever hurt you. Unless it was like spanking or something mild.

I wonder if Gilbert would get over his fear of cats if you dress in cat ears, a collar, and a tail? Maybe ask him to give you some milk while sucking his cock?

He’s into brat-taming!

Hear me out! Because Gilbert is so serious and gloomy, you probably try to ‘cheer him up all the time.’

Hiking up your skirt when he’s the only one in the crowd of people looking, or leaning over so that your tits are obviously in his face will leave him a mess. But as soon as he tries to tell you to stop, you scamper away. 

The next thing you know Gilbert has had ENOUGH of your brattiness and decides that he’ll need to put you in your place by fucking you in the hallways mercilessly.

“What are you trying to do, kill me Y/N?! You better hope nobody sees us!”

Gilbert is big on aftercare! He will make sure you have a warm towel, water, clothes, and importantly, cuddles! Please do the same for him too!

[aroacepanorientedopentoexplore]

So I just read loveless for the first time and just WOW ! I’ve never related to a main character more!!!! It’s true that Georgia is more of an introvert but just everything in this book kinda encapsulates the feels of being aro ace!!!! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO LITERALLY EVERYONE!! Stories and first hand accounts are a great way to learn and to experience emotions and thoughts that may help you understand others emotions! (If you can’t buy the book I suggest either you local library to pick up a hard copy or looking up loveless free pdf on a search engine!!!)

In honor of fully reading the books below are quotes that I very much vibe with or are just general feelings/experiences that I have felt or my friends have felt. Warning there is explicit language. A lot of the quotes can be triggering to some people especially if you have been forced or felt pressured to be in a romantic relationship when you didn’t want to, or if you are uncomfortable with sex, mentions of sex, fan fiction or relationship failures, so just be aware plz (sorted by chapter)

readmore: +

Last Chance

I had a theory that a lot of peoples ‘celebrity crushes’ were faked just to fit in.Tommy had been my crush ever since I was in Year 7 and a girl hadasked me, ‘Who d’you think is the hottest boy at Truham?’ She’d shown mea photo on her phone of a group of the most popular Year 7 boys at theboys’ grammar over the road, and there was Tommy right in the middle. Icould tell he was the most attractive one – I mean, he had hair like a boy-band star and was dressed pretty fashionably – so I’d pointed and said him. And I guess that was that.

Romance

I just loved love.

I probably got this from my family. The Warrs believed in forever love –my parents were just as in love now as they were back in 1991 when my mum was a ballet teacher and my dad was in a band. Both sets of my grandparents were still together. My brother married hisgirlfriend when he was twenty-two. None of my close relatives had beendivorced. Even most of my older cousins had at least partners, if not wholefamilies of their own.I hadn’t ever been in a relationship.I hadn’t even kissed anyone.

Pip, Jason and Me

I’d had times when I’d wondered whether I’d end up with Jason. I’d hadtimes when I’d wondered whether I’d end up with Pip too. If our lives werein a movie, at least two of us would have got together. But I’d never felt any romantic feelings for either of them, as far as I could tell.

There were never any romantic feelings between Pip, Jason and me. But what we did have – a friendship of many years – was just as strong as that, I think. Stronger, maybe, than a lot of couples I knew.

Truth or Dare

She tried to smile warmly at me. ‘You know you’ll find someone eventually, right? ’‘Yeah.’‘ You know you’ll find someone eventually. Everyone does. You’ll see.’ Jason was looking at me with a sad expression on his face. Pitying,maybe. Was he pitying me too?‘Am I wasting being a teenager?’ I asked them. And they told me no, like best friends would, but it was too late.

Tommy

School romance was on my list of favourite fanfiction tropes. I also loved soulmate AU, coffee shop AU, hurt/comfort and temporary amnesia.I figured school romance was the most likely one that would happen to me, but now that the possibility of it happening was more than zero, I was freaking out. Like, heart racing, sweating, hands shaking freaking out. This was what crushes felt like, so this was normal, right? Everything was totally normal

Kissing.

New at romance? I wanted to laugh. I’d been studying romance like an academic. Like an obsessive researcher. Romance would be my Mastermind topic.

On Fire

There’d been signs. I’d missed all of them because I was desperate to fall in love.

But I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t fancy him. My seven-year crush on him was entirely fabricated A random choice from when I was eleven, and a girl held up a photo and told me to choose a boy. I didn’t fancy Tommy. Apparently, I hadn’t ever fancied anyone.

Loveless

I never liked him,’ I said in the car as we pulled up outside Pip’s house andI cut the engine. Pip was next to me. Jason was in the back. ‘Seven  I just lied to myself the whole time.

It’s wild how long you can trick yourself, And everyone around you.

I’ve never had a crush on anyone in my entire life,’ I said. It was all sinking in. I’d never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean? Did it mean anything? Or was I just doing life wrong? Was there something wrong with me? ‘Can you believe that?

I’d get a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, even. A partner. I’d have my first kiss, and I’d have sex. I was just a late bloomer. I wasn’t going to diealone.I was going to try harder.I wanted forever love. I didn’t want to be loveless

Change

I was starting to feel a bit like I was going to be sick.But everyone probably felt this way about starting university

Rooney

In the photo was Rooney, maybe aged thirteen or fourteen, with a girl who had dyed red hair. Like, Ariel from The LittleMermaid hair.‘Is that your friend from home?’ I asked. This was a good conversationstarter, at least. Rooney whipped her head round to look at me, and for a moment Ithought I saw an odd expression cross her face. But then it was gone,replaced by her wide smile.‘Yeah!’ she said. ‘Beth. She’s – she’s not here, obviously, but ... yeah. She’s my friend.

A New Friendship

But when Pip did fancy someone, it was very, very obvious. To me, anyway. I could always tell when people had crushes on each other.

Romantic Thinking

The romance pre-game. She did it the same way she befriendedpeople – with the precise expertise of someone who’d had a lot of practiceand a lot of success. Could I do that? Could I copy her?

During the lecture, she effortlessly befriended the person sitting next to her, and in the afternoon, we went out for coffee with a few people who also did English.She made friends with all of them, too

Jokes aside, I’d never had a crush on a girl, so I didn’t really have any evidence to support that particular theory. Maybe I was bi or pan, since I didn’t even seem to have a preference at this point.

I knew almost everything about romance. I knew the theory. I knew when people were flirting, I knew when they wanted to kiss. I knew when peoples boyfriends were being shitty to them, even when they couldn’t tell it themselves. I’d read infinite stories of people meeting and flirting and awkwardly pining, hating before liking, lusting before loving, kissing and sex and love and marriage and partners for life, till death us do part. I was a master of the theory.

Sex

It was a jarring sort of oh, God, this thing is actually real, it’s not just infanfics and movies. And I’m supposed to be doing that too

College Marriage

At Durham, students in their second and third years paired up to act as a mentor team, or ‘collegeparents’ for a small group of incoming freshers, who were their ‘college children’.I kind of loved it. It made a romance out of something absolutelymundane, which was something that I was incredibly experienced at.

Baby’s first club

How could everyone live properly yet I had some sort of error in my programming?I thought about all the people I’d met in the past few days. Hundreds of people my age, all genders, appearances, personalities.I couldn’t think of a single one I was attracted to.

High standards

Type?’ I asked, my mind immediately going to Pokémon types, and thenwondering whether it was a food question of some sort and looked down atmy pasta.‘Type of guy,’ said Rooney, mouth full.‘Oh.’ I shrugged and speared a piece of pasta. ‘I don’t really know.’‘Come on. You must have some idea. Like, what sort of guys do you findyourself liking?’None of them, is what I probably should have said. I never like anyone.‘No type in particular,’ is what I actually said.

I deleted Tinder from my phone, then hit play on About Time again,wondering why picturing myself in any sort of romantic or sexual situationmade me feel like I was going to vom and/or run a mile, while romance inmovies felt like the sole purpose of being alive.

Pride

I mean, to be fair, I didn’t really know whatI was. And yes, sure, I had considered the possibility that I was not intoguys. Strongly considered. Then again, I didn’t really seem to like girlseither. I didn’t seem to like anyone. I hadn’t met anyone I liked yet, felt thenice stomach butterflies, and been able to proudly declare ‘Aha! Of course!This is the gender that I like!’ I didn’t even have a particular genderpreference when it came to smutty fanfiction

Putting your self out there

Most people would not have been able to tell what was up with Pip, butI’d known her for over seven years, and she had this look. A slightnarrowing of the eyes. Her shoulders hunched.The fact of the matter was: Pip had decided to hateRooney

Shakespeare and house plants

 Pip had always been kind of insecure about how she looked. But nowthat she was actually dressing how she’d always wanted to dress, and hadcut her hair and all that, she exuded a sort of confidence that I could neverhope to achieve – a confidence that said I know exactly who I am.‘You look really nice,’ I said.She smiled. ‘Thanks.’

Chaotic Energy

So, are you and Georgia, like, best friends now?’ asked Pip with a weak chuckle.I was about to protest being dragged into whatever this was, whenRooney replied instead.‘I’d say we’re pretty good friends already,’ said Rooney, smiling andlooking at me. ‘Right?’‘Right,’ I said, because there was really nothing else I could have said.‘We do live together,’ Rooney continued, ‘so, yes. Why? Jealous?’Pip went a little red. ‘I was just wondering whether we’d have to fight forthe title of Georgia’s ultimate best friend.’‘Am I not even a contender?’ Jason pointed out, but both the girls ignored him.

Forever Alone

Just thought there might be a specific reason asto why I’m forever alone.’‘You’re not forever alone when I’m here. I’m your best friend.’She sighed. ‘Fine.’

Are you joking? His crush on you is so obvious it’s actually painful to watch.’How was this possible? I was excellent at recognising romantic feelings.I could always tell when people were flirting with me, or each other. Ialways knew when Pip and Jason had crushes on people.How had I missed this?

Immature

I was always a bit envious ofpeople who were super sex-positive and felt comfortable enough to justbang whoever they fancied. I couldn’t even imagine feeling comfortableenough to let someone kiss me, let alone going to an absolute stranger’shome and getting naked.

‘I think it’s pretty amazing that you haven’t felt peer-pressured into doing anything by now. You haven’t made yourself do anything you didn’t want to do. You haven’t kissed anyone just because you’re scared of missing out. I think that’s one of the most mature things I’ve ever heard, actually

Rooney saying, ‘You’ll never know until you try.’Rooney saying, ‘He’s really cute. Are you sure you don’t like himmaybe, like, a little bit? You get along really well.’Rooney saying, ‘You honestly act like you’re made for each other.’That was all it took for me to think Yeah.Maybe.Maybe I could fall in love with Jason.

We Sure Do Love Drama

Popcorn?’I dug in and scooped up a handful. ‘Salted. You’re a hero.’‘We must all play our part in this bitch of a world.

Was this supposed to mean something? Was this whatflirting was? No. No, this was just what friends, did, right? This was just meand Jason being normal.I thought I got this sort of thing. I understood flirting. But now, when itcame to Jason, I had no idea what to think

He was clearly the sort of person who I should like romantically. Who I could like romantically. He looked like a boyfriend.I loved his personality. I’d loved his personality for years.So I could fall in love with him. With a little bit of effort. Definitely.

Dating Skills

To be absolutely and completely honest, I didn't want to go on a date with him at all. But I did want to want to go on a date with him. And that was the crux of my problem.

Straight out of a Romance Novel

We were only going for ice cream, for God’ssake.‘You look cute,’ said Rooney, and I felt like she really did mean it.‘Thanks.’‘Are you looking forward to it?’I actually hadn’t really been looking forward to it. I guessed this was dueto nerves. Everyone gets nervous about a first date. And I was very nervous.I knew that I needed to chill out and be myself, and if I didn’t feel that sparkafter a while then we just weren’t meant to be.But I also knew that this was a chance for me to actually experienceromance and be someone who has fun, quirky experiences and doesn’t die alone. No pressure I guess

When we left the ice-cream café, we hugged goodbye, and it felt like anormal hug for us. A normal Jason and Georgia hug, the sort of hug we’d been having for years.There wasn’t any sort of weird moment when we felt like we should kiss.We hadn’t reached that point yet, I guessed.That would come later.And I was fine with that.That was what I wanted.I thought.Yeah

The Spark

I’m not sure if I really like him like that yet. I dunno.’Rooney paused. ‘Well, if the spark’s not there, the spark’s not there.’‘No, I mean, we get along really well. Like, I love him as a person.’‘Yeah, but is the spark there?’How was I supposed to know that? What the fuck was the spark? What did the spark even feel like?I thought I’d understood what all these romantic things would feel like –butterflies and the spark and just knowing when you liked someone. I’d read about these feelings hundreds of times in books and fanfic. I’d watched way more romcoms than was probably normal for an eighteen-year-old.But now I was starting to wonder whether these things were just made up.‘... Maybe?’ I said.‘Well, you might as well just wait and see how it goes, then. When you know, you know.’That sort of made me want to scream. I didn’t know how to know

So why do you have sex with random guys?’ I asked. As soon as I saidit, I realised what a blunt and invasive question it was. But I did want toknow. It wasn’t like I was judging her – honestly, I wished I had her confidence. But I didn’t understand how she did it, really. Why she wantedto do it. Why would someone go to a stranger’s house and take their clothes off when you could just stay home and have a safe, comfortable wank?Surely the end result was exactly the same.Rooney turned back round. She gave me a long, unreadable look.‘Honestly?’ she asked.‘Yeah,’ I said.‘I just enjoy having sex,’ she said. ‘I’m single and I like sex, so I have . It’s fun because it feels good. I don’t feel a “spark” because it’s notabout romance. It’s a casual physical thing.’I got the sense that she was telling the truth. That really was all there was to it.

And I did. But not before I spent a while thinking about the spark.It sounded magical. Like something out of a fairy tale. But I couldn’t imagine what it felt like. Was it a physical feeling? Was it just intuition?Why had I never felt it? Ever?

When Rooney opened it, at least thirty of her acquaintances entered, carrying balloons and partypoppers and streamers, and then a guy got down on one knee in front ofeveryone and asked Rooney to be his college wife.Rooney screamed and jumped on him, smothering him in a tight hug,agreeing to be his college wife. And that was that. I watched the wholething go down from my bed, actually entertained. It was kind of lovely.

A Short but Compelling Presentation by Rooney Bach

Rooney stood up and flung herself over the table to hug me. I just sat there, letting it happen. That was our first ever hug. I was just about to move my arms to hug her back when she pulled away, sitting down and smoothing her ponytail. Her face returned to her usual Rooney face: an effortless smile. It's going to be amazing,' she said. Our troupe consisted of two star performers who both wanted to be in charge, one girl who threw up every time she acted, and one boy who might possibly be the love of my life. It was going to be an absolute disaster, but that wasn't stopping any of us.

Palm to Palm

‘Who’s this, nena?’I heard Pip’s dad say. ‘Have you finally got yourself agirlfriend?’‘NO!’ Pip immediately squawked. ‘She’s – she’s definitely not!’Rooney waved at Pip’s parents with a wide grin. ‘Hi! I’m Rooney!’‘Look, I have to go,’ Pip snapped at her phone.‘What do you study, Rooney?’She leant in closer to the phone, and closer to Pip as a result. ‘I doEnglish literature! And me and Pip are in the Shakespeare Society together.’Pip started adjusting her hair, seemingly as a way to put her whole arm inbetween her body and Rooney’s. ‘I’m going now! I love you! ¡Chau!’‘Aw,’ said Rooney as Pip hung up the call. ‘Your parents are so cute. Andthey liked me!’Pip sighed. ‘They’re going to ask about you every single time they callme, now.’Roone

I loved acting. I loved getting to step into a character and pretend to besomeone else. I loved getting to say stuff and behave in ways that I neverwould in real life. And I knew I was good at it too.It was the audience that made me nervous, which in this case was Pip andRooney. And with the added pressure of performing a romantic scene withJason, my best friend who I was almost dating, it’s hopefully understandable that I was very nervous going into this scene.

I could feel myself going red. Not because I was flustered or because ofthe romance of the scene. But because I felt uncomfortable.‘Ay, pilgrim,’ I replied, ‘lips that they must use in prayer.’‘Georgia,’ said Pip, ‘can I be honest?’‘Yeah?’‘That was supposed to be a super flirty line, but you just look like you need a shit.’I spluttered out a laugh. ‘Wow.’‘I know it’s just a read-through but, like ... be romantic?’‘I’m trying.’‘Are you?’‘Oh my God.’ I snapped the book shut, kind of annoyed, honestly. Iwasn’t a bad actor. Acting had been one of the few things I’d actually excelled at. ‘You’re being so harsh.’‘Can we start again from the beginning?’‘Fine.’Jason and I reset and I opened up my book again.OK. I was Juliet. I was in love. I had just met this super-hot forbiddenboy and was obsessed with him. I could do this

Elephant in the Room

Georgia Warr. aldkjhgsldkfjghlkf

The Letter 'X'

What if I really didn't like guys and that was why this whole thing felt so difficult to navigate? As soon as the thought popped into my head, I had to investigate further. I opened Safari on my phone and typed in, 'am I gay'. A bunch of links popped up, mostly useless internet quizzes that I already knew would be unhelpful and inaccurate. But one thing caught my eye - the Kinsey Scale test. I started reading about the Kinsey Scale. Wikipedia explained that it was a scale of sexuality which went from zero, 'exclusively heterosexual', to six, 'exclusively homosexual'. Curious, and frustrated with myself, I took the test, trying to just answer the questions instinctively and not overthink anything. When I finished, I clicked "submit answers', and waited. And instead of a number, the letter 'X' popped up. You did not indicate any sexual preference. Try adjusting your answers.I read and reread those lines. I'd... done the test wrong. I must have done the test wrong. I went back to my questions and started to look for where I could change my answers, but couldn't find any I'd answered inaccurately, so just decided to exit the browser. It was probably just a faulty test. (Side note I quoted this bc I remember taking this test and getting the X, instead of being like Georgia I took it around 10 times from different sites bc there is no “official test” because I was sure it was a mistake with the differences in tests I lol I guess some experiences are shared!!)

Mr Self-Confidence

I chuckled. ‘Yeah. Let’s meet up and ignore each other for two hours.’‘Basically. I mean, it sounds pretty relaxing, to be honest.’‘That’s true.’‘I think the perfect marriage would be made up of two people who can sitin comfortable silence with each other for extended periods of time.’‘Steady on,’ I said. ‘We’re not married yet.’This made him let out a spluttery, somewhat scandalised laugh. Nice. I could flirt. I was acing this.

i. Tea in our bedrooms.Oh wait. Bedroom. Was going to a bedroom a good idea? Or would thatmean –‘Yeah!’ Jason smiled, slotting his hands into his pockets. ‘Yeah, thatsounds good. D’you wanna come to mine? We could watch a movie in myroom, or something?’I nodded too. ‘Yeah, that sounds good.’OK.It was OK.I could do this.I could be normal.I could go back to a boy’s room on a date and do whatever was usuallyinvolved in that. Talking. Flirting. Kissing. Sex, maybe.I was brave. I didn’t have to listen to my own thoughts. I could do all of it

He'd felt pressured into having his first kiss. Because people were bullying him for not having kissed anyone, he forced himself to do it, and it was bad. A lot of teenagers did that. But hearing it from Jason made me really, really angry. I knew what it was like to feel bad about not having kissed anyone. And to feel pressured into doing it because everyone else was. Because you were weird if you hadn't. Because this was what being a human was all about. That was what everyone said.

His voice quietened. ‘I really believed she was the best I deserved.’‘You deserve more,’ I said immediately. I knew this to be true because I loved him. Maybe I wasn’t in love with him, not yet, but I did love him.‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I mean, I know. I know that now.’‘OK, Mr Self-Confidence

Sunil

And I was going to end up alone. Forever.If I couldn’t like a guy who was lovely, kind, funny, attractive, my bestfriend ... how could I ever like anybody? It didn’t play out like this in movies. In movies, two childhood bestfriends would eventually realise that, despite everything, they had been made for each other this whole time, that their connection went beyond just attraction, and then they’d get together and live happily ever after

I was startled again to see that it was Sunil, my college parent, who had the self-confidence of a member of Queer Eye

I���m fine,’ I said. If I was a doll, that would be one of my pre-recordedphrases.‘Oh no.’ Sunil shook his head. ‘That was the worst lie I’ve ever heard inmy life.’That actually did make me laugh for real

But you look sexy and I look like I just rolled up to a nine a.m. lecture.’‘Sexy?’ He laughed like he had a private joke with the word, and then hestood up and held out a hand.I didn’t know what else to do or say, so I took it

Could have Gone Harder with the Pride Flags

Sunil held my hand all the way through Durham. In a slightly odd, butnonetheless comforting way, I felt like I was hanging out with one of myparents. I supposed, in a way, I was.

Could have gone harder with the pride flags,’ Sunil said, narrowing hiseyes. I couldn’t tell whether he was joking

There was no particular type of person, no particular style or look.But they were all so friendly. There were a few obvious friendship groups,but mostly, people were happy to chat to whoever.They were all just themselves.I don’t know how to explain it.There was no pretending. No hiding. No faking.In this little restaurant hidden away in the old streets of Durham, a bunchof queer people could all show up and just be.I don’t think I’d understood what that was like until that moment.

Is it stressful? Being the president?’‘Sometimes. But it’s worth it. Makes me feel that I’m doing somethingimportant. And that I’m part of something important.’ He let out a breath. ‘I... I did things on my own for a long time. I know how it feels to be totallyalone. So now I’m trying to make sure ... no queer person has to feel likethat in this city.’I nodded again. I could understand that.‘I’m not a superhero, or anything. I don’t want to be. A lot of the fresherssee me as this, like, queer angel sent down to fix all their problems, and I’mnot, I’m really, really not. I’m just a person. But I like to think I’m making apositive impact, even if it’s a small one. (I’m going to cry I think this is my favorite quote from the book dispute it not being aro ace centric it really speaks to my experiences and what I want to accomplish to just make a small impact on others that’s always been my goal !!)

Pip

She came out to me when we were fifteen. It wasn’t the most dramatic, orfunny, or emotional of coming-outs, if films or TV were anything to go by.‘I think I might like girls instead,’ was what she’d said while we werescouring the high street shops for new schoolbags. There’d been somebuild-up. We’d been talking about boys who went to the all-boys school. I’dbeen saying how I didn’t really understand the hype. Pip agreed.It goes without saying that Pip had a shit time, generally. And while Piphad many, many other acquaintances who she could definitely havedeepened friendships with, she always came to me to talk about difficultthings. I don’t know if that’s because she trusted me or just because I was agood listener. Maybe both. Either way, I became a safe place. I’d beenhappy to be one then, and I still was now.

*But I met this gay dude at LatAm Soc and we had a massive chat about bein, gay and Latinx, and I swear to God I'd never felt so understood in my life.' I found myself smiling. Because my best friend was thriving here. What?" she said, seeing the smile on my face. I'm just happy for you,' I said. *God, you actual sap.' "I can't help it. You're one of the very few people I actually care about in the world.' Pip beamed like she was very pleased about this fact. 'Well, I am a very popular and successful lesbian. It's an honour to know me: Successful?' I raised an eyebrow. 'That's a new development.' Number one, how dare you?' Pip leant back on her stool with a smug expression. 'Number two, yes, I may have got with a girl at the Pride Soc club night. Pip!' I sat up straight, grinning. 'Why didn't you tell me that?' She shrugged, but she was clearly very pleased with herself. It wasn't anything serious, like, it wasn't like I wanted to date her or anything. But I wanted to kiss her - we both wanted to kiss, so, like ... we just did.' What was she like?' We sat at the bar and Pip relayed the whole encounter to me about the girl in second year at Hatfield College who studied French and was wearing a cute skirt, and how it didn't mean anything in particular but it had been fun and good and silly and everything she'd wanted from being at university.

I didn't know what to say, because I didn't disagree. I wanted to tell Pip that I didn't feel sure about anything, and I felt so weird all the time, to the point that I hated myself, being a kid who knew all about sexuality from the internet but couldn't even vaguely work out what I was, couldn't even come up with a ballpark estimate, when everyone else seemed to find it so, so easy. Or if they didn't find it easy, they got through the hard bit at school, and by the time they were my age, they were already kissing and having sex and falling in love as much as they wanted. All I could manage to say was: I don't really know how I feel.' Pip could tell I wasn't saying everything that was in my head. She could always tell. She grabbed my hand and held it. That's OK, my guy,' she said. "That's fine.' Sorry,' I mumbled. 'I'm ... shit at explaining it. It sounds fake. I'm here to talk whenever you want, man.' OK.' She pulled me into a side hug, my face pressing against her collar. 'Date Jason for a bit if you want. Just ... don't hurt him, OK? He acts all calm and collected, but he's really sensitive after all that shit with Aimee.' "I know. I won't.' I lifted my head. 'You're really OK with it?' Her smile was forced and pained, and it nearly broke my heart. Of course. I love you.' Love you too.

Mirage

I saw the fucking flyers you were handing out at the Freshers’ Fair!Asexual and bigender and whatever. You’re just gonna let in anyone who thinks they’re some made-up internet identity?’There was a short silence, and then Sunil spoke again, his voicehardened.‘You know what, Lloyd? Yes. Yes, I am. Because Pride Soc is inclusive and open, and loving, and not run by you any more. And because there are still sad little cis gays like you who seem to take other queers' mere existence as a threat to your civil rights, even freshers who are showing up here for the first time - some of them likely never having been to a queer event in their whole lives - just trying to find somewhere they can relax and be themselves. And I don't know if you're aware of this, Lloyd, because I know you don't recognise any pride flag that isn't the fucking rainbow, but I actually happen to be one of those made-up internet identities. And guess what? I'm the president. So get the fuck out of my formal.'

But instead I found myself talking. I was sort of on a date today,' I said. 'When you found me. Sunil raised his eyebrows. 'Oh really?' But it ... didn't go very well.' Oh. Why? Were they awful?' No, it was . .. the guy is really lovely. It's me that's the problem. I'm weird. Sunil paused. ' And why are you weird?' I just ...' I laughed nervously. 'I don't think I can ever feel anything. Maybe he's the wrong person for you. No,' I said. 'He's wonderful. But I never feel anything for anyone. There was another long pause. I didn't even know how to begin to explain it properly. It felt like something I'd made up in my head. A dream I couldn't quite remember properly. And a word. A word that Lloyd had spoken with such malice, but Sunil had defended. A word that had sparked something in my brain.I'd finally made the connection. Uh...' I was grateful I was a little tipsy. I pointed at his pin - the one with black, grey, white, and purple stripes. 'Is that . the flag for, um being asexual?' Sunil's eves widened. For the briefest moment, he seemed genuinely shocked that I was not certain what his pin meant. Yes,' he said. 'Asexuality. Do you know what that is?' Now, I had definitely heard of asexuality. I'd seen a few people talking about it online, and many people with it in their Twitter or Tumblr bios. Sometimes I even came across a fanfic with an asexual character. But I'd hardly ever heard people use the word in real life, or even on TV or in movies. I figured it was something to do with not liking sex. But I didn't know for sure. Erm ... not really,' I said. 'I've heard of it.' I immediatelv felt embarrassed by this admission. 'You really don't have to spend time explaining it to me, I can just - I could just go and look it up He smiled again. 'It's OK. I'd like to explain it. The internet can be a bit confusing. I shut my mouth. *Asexuality means I'm not sexually attracted to any gender.' 'So ...' I thought about this. 'That means ... you don't want to have sex with anyone?' He chuckled. 'Not necessarily. Some asexual people feel that way. But some don't.' Now I was just confused. Sunil could tell. It's OK,' he said, and it genuinely did make me feel like it was OK that I didn't understand. 'Asexuality means I'm not sexually attracted to any gender. So I don't look at men, or women, or anyone, and think, wow, I want to do sexy stuff with them. This made me snort. 'Does anyone actually think stuff like that?' Sunil smiled, but it was a sad smile. 'Maybe not in those exact words, but yes, most people think stuff like that This shook me. 'Oh. So, I just don't feel those feelings. Even if they're someone I'm dating. Even if they're a model or a celebrity. Even if, on a basic, objective level, I can tell that they're conventionally attractive. I just don't feel those feelings of attraction. Oh.' I said again. There was a pause. Sunil looked at me, contemplating what to say next. Some asexuals still enjoy having sex, for a whole variety of reasons,' he continued. 'I think that's why a lot of people find it confusing. But some asexuals don't like sex at all, and some are just neutral about it. Some asexuals still feel romantic attraction to people - wanting to be in relationships, or even kiss people, for example. But others don't want romantic relationships at all. It's a big, big spectrum with a whole range of different feelings and experiences. And there's really no way to tell how one specific person feels, even if they openly describe themselves as asexual. So ...' I knew it was a little invasive to ask, but I just had to. 'Do you still want relationships?' He nodded. 'Yes. I identify as gay as well. Gay asexual.' As ... as well?' The technical term is homoromantic. I still want to be in relationships with guys and masculine folks. But I feel very indifferent about sex, because I have never looked at men or any gender and felt sexual attraction to them. Men don't turn me on. Nobody does.'"So romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction?'*For some people they feel like different things, yes,' said Sunil. 'So

some people find it useful to define those two aspects of their attraction differently.' *Oh.' I didn't know how I felt about that. What I felt was so whole - it didn't feel like two different things. Jess - she's aromantic, meaning she doesn't feel romantic attraction for anyone. She's also bisexual. She won't mind me telling you that. She finds a lot of people physically attractive, but she just doesn't fall in love with them.' Isn't that sad? was what I wanted to ask. How is she OK with that? How would I be OK with that? "She's happy,' said Sunil, like he'd read my mind. 'It took her some time to feel happy with herself, but ... I mean, you met her. She's happy with who she is. Maybe it's not the heteronormative dream that she grew up

wishing for, but ... knowing who you are and loving yourself is so much better than that. I think. This is ... a lot,' I said, my voice quiet and a little croaky, Sunil nodded again. 'I know. A lot a lot. I know.' Why do things have to be so complicated?' Ah, the eternally wise words of Avril Lavigne.' I didn't know what to say after that. I just stood there, processing. It's funny,' said Sunil after a few moments. He looked down, as if remembering an old joke. 'So few people know what asexuality or romanticism are. Sometimes I think I'm so wrapped up with Pride Soc that I forget there are people who've just. never even heard these words. Or have any idea that this is a real thing. I-I'm sorry,' I said instantly. Had I offended him? Oh my God, you have nothing to be sorry about. It's not in films. It's hardly ever in TV shows, and when it is, it's some tiny subplot that most people ignore. When it's talked about in the media, it gets trolled to hell and back. Even some queer people out there hate the very concept of being aro or ace because they think it's unnatural or just fake - I mean, vou heard Lloyd.' Sunil smiled sadly at me. 'I'm glad you were curious. It's always good to be curious. I was curious now, that's for sure. And I was also terrified. I mean, that wasn't me. Asexual. Aromantic. I still wanted to have sex with someone, eventually. Once I found someone I actually liked. Just because I'd never liked anyone didn't mean I never would ... did it? And I wanted to fall in love. I really, really did. I definitely would someday. So that couldn't be me. I didn't want that to be me. Fuck. I didn't know. I shook my head a little, trying to dispel the hurricane of confusion that was threatening to form inside my brain. I should ... go home,' I stammered, feeling suddenly like I was being a huge bother to Sunil. He probably just wanted to have a nice evening, but here I was, asking for a sexuality lesson. 'I mean - back to college. Sorry um, thank you for explaining about ... all of that. Sunil gazed at me for a long moment. "Sure,' he said. 'I really am glad you came along, Georgia. Yeah.' I mumbled. "Thank vou.' Pride Soc is here for you,' he said. 'OK? Nobody was ever there for me, until ... until I met Jess. And if I hadn't met her . He trailed off, something crossing his expression that I couldn't read. He replaced it with a familiar calm smile. 'I just need you to know that people are here for you. OK.' I said hoarsely. And then I was gone. I guess it's fair to say a lot was spiralling in my brain on that walk home. I was going to hurt Jason, or Jason and I were going to die together wearing wedding rings. Pip was thriving - maybe she didn't need me any more. Why couldn't I feel anything for anyone? Was I what Sunil and Jess were? Those super long words that most people hadn't even heard of? Why couldn't I fall in love with anyone? I passed the shops and cafés, the history department and Hatfield College, drunk students and locals stumbling around, and the cathedral, lit up gently in the dark, and that made me stop and think about how I had walked this path with Jason only a few hours earlier, and we had been laughing, and I had almost been able to imagine that I was someone entirely different. When I got back to my room, the people upstairs were having sex again. Rhythmic thumping against the wall. I hated it, but then I felt bad, because maybe it was two people in love. In the end, that was the problem with romance. It was so easy to romanticize romance because it was everywhere. It was in music and on TV and in filtered Instagram photos. It was in the air, crisp and alive with fresh possibility. It was in falling leaves, crumbling wooden doorways, scuffed cobblestones and fields of dandelions. It was in the touch of hands, scrawled letters, crumpled sheets and the golden hour. A soft yawn, early morning laughter, shoes lined up together by the door. Eyes across a dance floor. I could see it all, all the time, all around, but when I got closer, I found that nothing was there. A mirage.

I Love None

"It's all just build-up to the point where they inevitably have really wild sex,' I said, thinking fondly of some of my favourite enemies-to-lovers fics. It makes the eventual sex more exciting. I suppose it makes a good story.' Jason flipped over a page. 'It's funny how much stuff revolves around sex. I don't even think I'd need it in a relationship. Wait, really?' Like, it's fun, but ... I don't think it's a deal-breaker. If the other person didn't want to do it that much. Or at all, I guess.' He looked up from behind the book. "What? Is that weird?' I shrugged. 'No, that's just a cool way to think about it.' If you really loved someone, I just think you wouldn't really ... care so much about things like that. I dunno. I think everyone's been kind of conditioned to be obsessed with it, when in actual fact ... you know, it's just a thing people do for fun. You don't even need it to make babies any more It's not like you'd die without it.'

Was there some kind of third choice when it came to mine and Jason’srelationship? Could we be together and just ... not have sex?I stood there in the doorway trying to picture it. No sex, but still aromance. A relationship. Kissing Jason, holding hands with Jason. Being inlove.I’d spent a lot of time thinking about how I felt about love, but not muchabout having sex – I’d just assumed that sex would automatically be a partof it. But it didn’t have to be. Sunil had told me that some people didn’twant sex but were perfectly happy in relationships without it. Maybe I did like Jason romantically – I just didn’t want to have sex with him

Wank Fantasy.

We all know that the concept of ‘virginity’ is dumb as hell and inventedby misogynists

People didn’t really just look at boobs or abs and get turned on. Did they?

No, but it's cool to know I'm not alone in that.' She wrapped her covers a little tighter round her. 'Like, I know I only go out with guys, but ... you know. It's fun to think about other stuff.' Maybe I was bi or pan, then. Maybe we both were. If gender didn't matter to us, that would make sense, right?

"No!' I exclaimed. The thought of having sex with Jason freaked me out. People don't - people don't actually do that, do they?' What, fantasise about someone they have a crush on?' As soon as she said it, I realised how obvious it was. Of course people did that. I'd seen it dozens of times in movies and on TV and in fanfics.

I was staring at my phone screen.And then I chucked it across my bed.‘This has to be a fucking joke,’ I blurted.Rooney paused. ‘What?’I sat up, pushing the covers off my body. ‘Everyone has to be fuckingJOKING.’‘What d’you –’‘People are really out there just ... thinking about having sex all the timeand they can’t even help it?’ I spluttered. ‘People have dreams about itbecause they want it that much? How the – I’m losing it. I thought all themovies were exaggerating, but you’re all really out there just cravinggenitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke.’There was a long silence

Countdown Timer Music

Looking back, it was almost hilarious.Whenever someone tried to kiss me, I went headfirst into a fight or flightresponse.His eyes focused on my lips, then darted back up. He wasn’t like Tommy.He was trying very hard to work out whether this was something I wanted.He was looking for the signals. Had I been giving off the signals? Maybe itwould have been easier for him to just ask, but how do people phrase that ina non-cheesy way? And to be honest, I was glad he didn’t ask, because whatwould I have said?No. I would have said no, because it turned out I just couldn’t lie toanyone except myself.As he moved towards me, only a fraction of an inch, I imagined theCountdown timer music starting to play.I wanted to try.I wanted to wantto kiss him.But I didn’t actually want to kiss him.But maybe I should do it anyway.But I didn’t want to.But maybe I wouldn’t know until I tried.But I knew that I already knew I already knew what I felt.And Jason could tell.He moved back again, clearly embarrassed. ‘Uh ... sorry. Wrongmoment.’‘No,’ I found myself saying. ‘Go on.’I wanted him to just do it. I wanted him to rip the plaster off. Yank thebone back into shape. Fix me.But I already knew there was nothing to fix.I was always going to be like this

Brainwashed

As much of a romantic as I was, I hadn’t given much thought to what myfirst kiss would be like. Looking back, that probably should have been anindicator of me not really wanting to kiss anyone, but years of films, music,TV, peer pressure, and my own craving for a big love story hadbrainwashed me into believing this was going to be something amazing, aslong as I gave it a shot.It was not amazing.In fact, I hated it. I think I would have felt less uncomfortable if someonehad dared me to start singing on public transport

knew what sorts of feelings kissing was supposed to bring up. I’d readhundreds, possibly thousands of fanfics by this point. Kissing someone youlike was supposed to make your head spin, your stomach twist, your heartspeed up, and you were supposed to enjoy it.I didn’t feel any of that. I just felt a deep, empty dread in the pit of mystomach. I hated how close he was. I hated the way his lips felt againstmine. I hated the fact that he wanted to do this.It only lasted for a few seconds.But those were some very uncomfortable seconds for me.And, from the look on his face, they were for him too.‘You look like that was terrible,’ I found myself saying. I didn’t knowwhat else to say but the truth by this point.‘So do you,’ said Jason

And then he was gone.Jason didn’t deserve any of this.Jason was ...Jason had real feelings for me.He deserved someone who was actually able to reciprocate.

Fantasy Future

It wasn’t just that I’d hurt Jason. It wasn’t even having to accept that I wassome kind of sexual orientation that barely anyone had heard of, that Iwould have to find some way to explain to my family and everyone else. Itwas knowing, with absolute certainty, that I was never, ever going to fall inlove with anybody.I had spent my whole life believing that romantic love was waiting forme. That one day I’d find it and I would be totally, finally happy.But now I had to accept that it would never happen. None of it. Noromance. No marriage. No sex.There were so many things that I would never do. Would never evenwant to do or feel comfortable doing. So many little things I’d taken forgranted, like moving into my first place with my partner, or my first danceat my wedding, or having a baby with someone. Having someone to lookafter me when I’m sick, or watch TV with in the evenings, or going on acouples’ holiday to Disneyland.And the worst part of it was – even though I’d longed for these things, Iknew that they’d never make me happy anyway. The idea was beautiful.But the reality made me sick.How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did notactually want?I felt pathetic for getting sad about it. I felt guilty, knowing that therewere people out there like me who were happy being like this.I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy futurethat I was never going to live.I had no idea what my life would be like now. And that scared me. God,that scared me so, so much(this is the whole chapter it just encapsulates the longing and emotions so well, like yes I’m happy for people who do get to feel these amazing things and maybe if I was selfish I could suck it up and throw myself into a relationship to experience these things too but it doesn’t change the fact that I would be uncomfortable with it and it would be unfair to whoever my partner would be)

Mirror World

I may be a virgin,’ I said, ‘but I sort of thought that filling a hole wasusually the point

D’you wanna watch some YouTube?’ she asked.This threw me. ‘Er ... sure.’She put down her mug, stood up, threw open the duvet and slippedinside. She shuffled over to one side and patted the space next to her,indicating for me to get in.‘I mean ... you don’t have to,’ Rooney said, sensing my hesitation.‘D’you have a lecture in the morning, or something?’I didn’t. I had a fully free day of no contact time tomorrow.‘Nah. I have to eat my fish and chips anyway.’ I retrieved my dinner, thenlay down next to her. It felt right and wrong at the same time – a mirrorworld. The same as my own bed but everything was opposite.She smiled and pulled her floral duvet over us and huddled towards me toget comfy, then grabbed her laptop from her bedside table

I kept giggling aloud, which made Rooney laugh, and before I knew it, we’d been watching for twenty wholeminutes. She immediately found another video she wanted to show me, andI was happy to let her. Halfway through, she rested her head on myshoulder, and ... I don’t know. That was probably the calmest I’d ever seen her. We watched silly videos for another hour or so until Rooney shut her laptop and put it aside, then snuggled back down into the bed. I wondered whether she’d fallen asleep, and if so, should I just go back to my own bed

Anyway, you’re only eighteen, you’ve got so much time –’ I started tosay, but didn’t know how to continue. What did I mean when I said that?That she’d definitely find the perfect relationship someday?Because I knewthat wasn’t true. Not for me. Not for anyone.It was something adults said all the time. You’ll change your mind whenyou’re older. You never know what might happen. You’ll feel differently oneday. As if we teenagers knew so little about ourselves that we could wakeup one day a completely different person. As if the person we are right nowdoesn’t matter at all.The whole idea that people always grew up, fell in love and got married was a complete lie. How long would it take me to accept that?

‘You want ...’ It wasn’t even that shewanted a relationship. Not really. She wanted what a relationship wouldgive her.‘You want someone to know you,’ I said.She stayed silent for a moment. I waited for her to tell me how wrong Iwas.Instead, she said, ‘I’m just lonely. I’m just so lonely all the time.’I didn’t know what to say to that, but I didn’t need to, because she fell a sleep a few minutes later. I looked over her head and saw that Roderickhad significantly wilted – Rooney was definitely forgetting to water him. Istared up at the ceiling and listened to her breathing next to me, but I didn’t want to leave the bed, because even though I couldn’t sleep, and I was paranoid about drooling on her or rolling on top of her by accident, Rooney needed me for some reason. Maybe because, despite all of her friends and acquaintances, nobody really knew her like I did

But if She Cannot Love You

I’m a genius. You’re a genius. This play is going to be genius.’Rooney joined in with the applause. So did Sunil. And I saw Jason verysubtly wipe his eye.‘That was OK?’ I asked, although that’s not really what I wanted to ask.Was I good? Will I be OK?Everything in my life was upside down, but did I still have this? Did Istill have one thing that brought me happiness?‘More than OK,’ said Pip, smiling wide, and I thought, Yeah, OK. I hatedmyself right now for a lot of reasons, but at least I had this

Two Roommates

Without it, I would have probably just stayed in bed for two weeks, because figuring out my sexuality had unearthed a new kind of self-hatred I hadn’t been ready for. I’d thought figuring that out was supposed to make you feel proud, or something.Clearly not.

The Bailey Ball

You never know – you might meet your future husband tonight!’I laughed before I could stop myself. Two months ago, I would have beendreaming of a perfect, magical meet-cute at my first university ball.But now? Now I dressed for myself.

‘I think it’s a good clash. I look like an angel and you look like a devil.’‘Yes. I’m the anti-you.’‘Or maybe I’m the anti-you.’‘Is this a summary of our whole friendship?’We looked at each other and laughed.

When they went to leave, Sunil winked at me, which mademe feel better for about two minutes, but then the brain goblins returned.This was who I was. I was never going to experience romantic love, allbecause of my sexuality – a fundamental part of my being that I couldn’t change.

Capulet vs Montague

I had felt that this was my world, and one day, I would be one of these people. I didn't feel like that any more. I would never be one of these people. Flirting. Falling in love. Happily ever after.

Defeated

Because ...’The words were on the tip of my tongue. Because I am aromantic andasexual. But it sounded clunky. They still felt like fake words in my brain,secret words, whispered words that didn’t belong in the real world.

You don’t have to get into dating right now. You’ve got so much time.’So much time. I wanted to laugh.‘I don’t think I will,’ I said.‘Will what?’‘Date. Ever. I don’t like girls either. I don’t like anyone.’The words echoed around the room. There was a long pause ‘You are drunk,’ she said.I was, a little, but that wasn’t the point.And she’d laughed. That annoyed me.That was how I’d expected her to react. That was how I expectedeveryone to react.Pitying, awkward laughter. I don’t like guys,’ I said. ‘And I don’t like girls. I don’t like anyone. SoI’m never going to date anyone.’Rooney said nothing for a few moments.And then she said, ‘Listen, Georgia. You might feel that way right now,but ... don’t give up hope. Maybe you’re going through a rough patch at themoment, like, I don’t know, the stress of starting uni or whatever, but ...you will meet someone you like one day. Everyone does.’No, they don’t, was what I wanted to say.Not everyone.Not me.‘It’s a real thing,’ I said. ‘It’s a ... it’s a real sexuality. When you don’tlike anyone.’I couldn’t say the actual words, though.It probably wouldn’t have helped if I had.‘OK,’ said Rooney. ‘Well, how do you know that you are ... that? Howdo you know that you won’t meet someone one day who you really like?’I stared at her.Of course she didn’t understand.Rooney wasn’t the romance expert I’d thought she was. I was pretty sureI knew more than her at this point.‘I’ve never had a crush on anyone in my life,’ I said, but my voice wasquiet and I didn’t even sound confident, let alone feel confident about who Iwas. ‘I ... I like the idea of it, but ... the reality ...’ I trailed off, feeling alump in my throat. If I tried to explain it, I knew I would just start crying. Itwas still so new. I’d never tried to explain it to anyone before.‘Have you kissed a girl, then?’I looked at her. She was looking at me level-headedly. Almost like achallenge.‘ No,’ I said.‘So how do you know you don’t like that Deep down, I knew this was an unfair question. You didn’t have to trysomething to know for sure you don’t like it. I knew I didn’t like skydiving.I definitely didn’t need to try that out to prove it.But I was drunk. And so was she.‘I dunno,’ I said.‘Maybe you should give it a go before you ... you know. Completelyreject the idea that you could possibly find someone.’ Rooney laughedagain. She wasn’t trying to do it in a mean way. But that was how it felt.I knew she just wanted to help.And that sort of made it worse.She was trying to be a good friend, but she was saying all the wrongthings because she didn’t have the faintest idea what it was like to be me……………. She was annoying me, and I realised that it was because what I was doing wasn’t ‘giving up’. It was acceptance.And maybe, just maybe, that could be a good thing.‘I don’t want you to feel like you’re going to be sad and lonely forever!’she said, and that was the moment I broke a little.Was that all I would be? Sad and lonely? Forever?Had I doomed myself by daring to think about this part of me?Was I just accepting a life of solitude?As soon as those questions hit me, they opened the floodgate to all thedoubts I thought I’d been fighting off maybe it was all just a phase Maybe this was giving up.Maybe I should keep trying.Maybe, maybe, maybe.

It wasn’t a fear or nervousness or ‘notmeeting the right person yet’. This was a part of me. I did not feel thefeelings of attraction, of romance, of desire, that other people felt.And I wasn’t ever going to

Paper Flowers

The walls around me were made of paper flowers. Above me were twinklingfairy lights. Students passed, laughing, holding hands, wearing stylish suitsand sparkly dresses. The song playing overhead was ‘Young Hearts RunFree’ by Candi Staton.I hated all of it

Survivor

I stood at theedge of the dance hall as the band were finishing their set, playing a slowsong so all the couples could hold each other and sway. It made me feelsick.

This was, perhaps, the final straw.Was everyone just having sex and falling in love all the time? Why? Howwas it fair that everyone got to feel that except me?I wished everyone would stop. I wished sex and love didn’t exist.

Ah, well. You’ll get to brag tomorrow.’ He wrapped anarm round my shoulder and started walking us towards the throng ofstudents. ‘You’re a survivor!’I tried to smile, but it just turned into a lip wobble. Sunil didn’t see, toobusy leading us onward.I blinked again.And then I said it.‘I think I might be ... asexual. And also aromantic. Both of them.’Sunil stopped walking. Yeah?’ he said Uh ... yeah,’ I said, looking at the floor. ‘Um. Don’t really know what todo about that.’Sunil stayed very still for a moment. Then he moved, his arm droppingaway from me and turned so that he was standing directly in front of me.He put his hands on my shoulders and bent a little so that our faces werelevel.‘There’s nothing to do, Georgia,’ he said softly. ‘There’s nothing to do atall.’And then the photographer started getting impatient and shouted ateveryone to get organised, so Sunil marched us over to the scrum and wesqueezed into the third row next to a couple of his friends, and as he turnedaway to chat to them, only then did I realise that what I’d said wasundeniably true. I knew that now.Sunil turned back, squeezed my shoulder and said, ‘You’re gonna be OK.There’s nothing you have to do except be.’‘But ... what if what I am is just ... nothing?’ I breathed out and blinkedas the photographer took the first shot. ‘What if I’m nothing?’‘You’re not nothing,’ Sunil said. ‘You have to believe that. Maybe I could do that. Maybe I could believe

Very Opposite People

I decided to be bold and type out:so as it turns out, I am aromantic asexualRooney gave me a look.It wasn’t the ‘what the fuck is that?’ look that I expected.It was a curious look. Curious. A little concerned, maybe, but not in abad way.Just honestly wanting to know what’s going on with me.yeah I was confused about it too hahait means i’m not attracted to anyone romantically or sexually no matter their gendersorta been figuring that out lately Rooney watched me type. Then she took a moment to think before sheresponded.R – Wow ... I didn’t even know that was a thing!!! I always assumedit was like ... you like guys or girls or some sort of comboG – haha yeah samehence all the confusionR – It sounds really difficult to figure out ... I’m proud of you!!!!!!It was far from a perfect response to someone coming out. But it was sodistinctly Rooney that it brought a smile to my face.R – Are you feeling okay about it?G – to be honest not really.buti think i will bein time?like ... realising and accepting that this is who i am is the firstcouple of steps and i have done that now i guess??Before typing a response back, Rooney simply put her head on myshoulder and rested it there for a few seconds, in lieu of a real hug, whichwould have been a bit difficult in the middle of a lecture.R – I guess I can’t really relate but I’m here for you. Like, if you everwanna rant about it or just talk things through!

Aromantic Asexual

The internet is a blessing and a curse. Googling ‘the aromantic asexual’unleashed a quantity of information I was not mentally or emotionallyprepared for. The first time I searched it, I quickly exited the window anddidn’t search again for a whole day.My animalistic instinct was this is stupid.This is fake.This is a made-up internet thing that is stupid and fake and absolutely notme.And yet, it was me. Sunil and Jess were not the only ones. There werethousands of people on the internet who identified this way and were veryhappy to do so. In fact, people had been using the word ‘asexual’ as asexual identity since as far back as 1907. So it wasn’t even an ‘internetthing’ at all. (My experience was somewhat like this as well the first time I looked up what asexual was, I did it in a Private window on someone else’s computer so what I typed couldn’t be traced back to me at all and I freaked out when I started reading about it quickly shut it down and didn’t venture to explore asexually for 2 whole months after that )

aromanticmeant little-to-no romantic attraction. On a more intense internet dive, Idiscovered there was actually a lot of debate over these definitions becausepeople’s experiences and feelings could be so vastly different, but at thatpoint, I decided to log the hell off again.

But after finding a group of Indian asexuals online, he’dstarted to feel proud of his identity.Sunil had no doubt been on a very different journey to me, and a lot ofthings that he’d dealt with, I would be shielded from due to being white andcis. But it was reassuring to know that he too had felt some anxiety aboutbeing asexual. People didn’t always love who they were right away.

It turned out that lots of asexual people still wanted to have sex for all

sorts of different reasons, but some felt totally neutral about it, and others

what I'd originally thought - literally despised it. Some asexual people still

masturbated; others didn't have libidos at all.

It also turned out that lots of aromantic people still wanted to be in

romantic relationships, despite not feeling those feels. Others didn't ever

want a romantic partner.

And people identified as all sorts of combinations of romantic and sexual

- there were gay asexuals, like Sunil, or bisexual romantics, like Jess, or

straight asexuals, pansexual aromatics, and loads more. Some asexual and

romantic people didn't even like splitting up their attraction into two

labels, and some just used the word 'queer' to summarise everything. There

were words I had to google like "demisexual' and 'greyromantic', but even

after googling I wasn't sure exactly what they meant.

The romantic and asexual spectrums weren't just straight lines. They

were radar charts with at least a dozen different axes.

It was a lot.

Like a lot a lot.

The crux of it all was that I did not feel sexual or romantic feelings for

anyone. Not a single goddamn person I had ever met or would ever meet.

So that really was me.

Aromantic.

Asexual.

I came back to the words until they felt real in my mind, at least. Maybe

they wouldn't be real in most people's minds. But I could make them real in

mine. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted.

I whispered them sometimes under my breath, until they felt like a magic

spell. Pictured them as I fell asleep.

I'm not sure when I realised that I was no longer feeling melancholic

distress about my sexuality. The woe is me, I am loveless mood had just

gone.

It was anger, noW.

I was so angry.

At everything.

I was angry at fate for dealing me these cards. Even though I knew there

was nothing wrong with me - lots of people were like this, I wasn't alone,

love yourself, whatever - I didn't know how to get to the point where this

would stop feeling like a burden and instead feel like something good,

something I could celebrate, something I could share with the world.

I was angry at every single couple I passed in the street. Every single pair

I saw holding hands, every single time I saw that couple down the corridor

flirting in the kitchen. Every time I saw two people cosying up in the library flirting in the kitchen. Every time I saw two people cosying up in the library

or in the cafeteria. Every time one of the authors I'd liked posted a new

fanfiction.

I was angry at the world for making me hate who I was. I was angry at

myself for letting these feelings ruin my friendships with the best people in

the world. I was angry at every single romance movie, every single fanfic,

every single stupid OP that had made me crave finding the perfect

romance. It was because of all of that, no doubt, that this new identity felt

like a loss, when in reality, it should have been a beautiful discovery.

Ultimately, the fact that I was angry about all of that just made me

angrier because I knew I shouldn't feel angry about any of these things. But

I did, and I'm trying to be honest about it, OK? OK.

(As someone who is learning new things every day I really don’t think that anger goes away, we just have to try to live with the people we are, do I still hope that one day I’ll wake up and be able to feel these things that other people feel so easily and effortlessly of course! But that only ends up hurting me in the process, kinda like holding onto a hot coal it only burns your self, and because you feel bad you could take it out on others. This is something that I am still learning to let go! If you feel this way too you are not alone )

True Love

I have always felt lonely, I think. I think a lot of people feel lonely. Rooney. Pip. Maybe even Jason, though he hasn't said so. I'd spent my teenage life feeling lonely every time I saw a couple at a party, or two people kissing outside the school gate. I'd felt lonely every time I read some cute proposal story on Twitter, or saw someone's five- year-anniversary Facebook post, or even just saw someone hanging out with their partner in their Instagram story, sitting with them on a sofa with their dog, watching TV. I felt lonely first because I hadn't experienced that. And I felt even lonelier when I started to believe I never would. This loneliness - being without Jason and Pip - was worse. Friends are automatically classed as 'less important' than romantic partners. I'd never questioned that. It was just the way the world was. guess I'd always felt that friendship just couldn't compete with what a partner offered, and that I'd never really experience real love until I found romance. But if that had been true, I probably wouldn't have felt like this. I loved Jason and Pip. I loved them because I didn't have to think around them. I loved that we could sit in silence together. I loved that they knew all. my favourite foods and they could instantly tell when I was in a bad mood. I loved Pip's stupid sense of humour and how she immediately made every room she entered a happier place. I loved how Jason knew exactly what to say when you were upset and could always calm you down. I loved Jason and Pip. And now they were gone. I had been so desperate for my idea of true love that I couldn't even see it when it was right in front of my face.

(In our society we place an emphasis on romantic love being above platonic, there is a term in the aro community that helps break down this ideal , relationship anarchy)

Home

She had done just that when she was my age, and I think shefelt very fulfilled because of it. Fair enough. You do you.But that didn’t stop me from being deeply, deeply annoyed.‘Actually,’ I said, trying as hard as I could to keep the irritation out of myvoice, ‘I’m not really interested in getting a boyfriend.’‘Oh, well,’ she said, patting my leg again, ‘plenty of time, my love.Plenty of time.’But my time is now, I wanted to scream. My life is happening right now.My family then launched into a conversation about how easy it was to getinto a relationship at uni. In the corner, I spotted my cousin Ellis, sittingquietly with a glass of wine and one leg crossed over the other. She caughtmy stare, smiled a small smile, and rolled her eyes at the group around us . I smiled back. Maybe, at least, I would have an ally

don’t know when I started to notice how Ellis was sort of the butt of thejoke in our family. Every time she and Gran were in the same room, Granwould manage to drag the conversation back to the fact that she wasn’tmarried yet and hadn’t provided the family with any cute babies for them tocoo over. Mum always spoke about her like she had some sort of tragic life,just because she lived by herself and had never had a long-termrelationship.I’d thought she had a super-cool life. But I guess I had always wonderedwhether she was happy. Or whether she was sad and alone, desperately wishing for romance, just like I had been.

Ellis

then.I was tucked up in bed by 10 p.m. Overall, not a bad Christmas Day, despitehaving lost my best friends and the way my singleness was becoming anongoing family joke.One day I would probably have to just tell them.I don’t like guys. Oh, so you like girls? No, I don’t like girls either. What?That doesn’t make any sense. Yes, it does. It’s a real thing. You just haven’tmet the right person yet. It’ll happen with time. No, it won’t. This is who Iam. Are you feeling OK? Maybe we should get you an appointment withthe GP. It’s called being ‘aromantic asexual’. Well, that sounds fake,doesn’t it? Did you hear about that on the internet?Ugh. OK. Didn’t really want to venture into that conversation any time soon. (MOOD)

*Doesn't that bother you at all?' asked Auntie Sal. What is there to bother me?' That Jonathan is growing up, starting a family, making plans while you're still Still what?' snapped Ellis. What am I doing that's so bad?' There's no need to shout,' said Uncle Gavin. I'm not shouting. You're getting older,' continued Auntie Sal. 'You're in your mid- thirties. You're passing your dating prime. Soon it's going to get harder an harder for you to have children. I don't want to date, and I don't want children,' said Ellis. Oh, come on, now. Not this again. You are our only child,' said Uncle Gavin. 'Do you know what that's like for us? You are the sole carrier of my surname. It's not my fault you didn't have any more children,' said Ellis. And what, that's it for us? No more children in the family? We don't get to be grandparents? That's the thanks we get for raising you?' Ellis sighed loudly. We're not trying to criticise your ... life choices,' said Auntie Sal. 'We know it's not about us, but ... we just want you to be happy. I know you think you're happy now, but what about ten years from now? Twenty? Forty? What will your life be like when you're Gran's age, without a partner, without children? Who is going to be there to support you? You'll have no one.'Maybe I would be happy,' Ellis shot back ‘if you hadn’t spent my entirelife brainwashing me into thinking that finding a husband and having babiesis the only way for me to feel my life is worth anything. Maybe then Iwould be happy.’Auntie Sal went to interrupt, but Ellis cut her off.‘It’s not as if I’m actively rejecting people, OK?’ Ellis sounded on theverge of tears now. ‘I don’t like anyone like that. I never do. This is justwho I am and one way or another, we’re all going to have to put up with it.I can still do amazing things with my life. I have friends. And I’ll make newfriends. I was a successful model. Now I’m an artist and my paintings areselling really well. I’m thinking about going to uni to study art, since Inever got to go the first time. I have a really nice house, if you could everbe bothered to visit. If you tried, and I mean really tried, you could actuallybe proud of all the things I’ve done in my life and all the things I’m goingto do.’There was a long, horrible silence.‘What would you say,’ said Auntie Sal, speaking slowly as if choosingher words, ‘to thinking about trying therapy again? I’m still not sure we found the right therapist last time. If we kept looking, we could find

someone who could really help.

Silence.

And then Ellis said, 'I don't need fixing. You don't get to do that to me

again.'

There was the sound of chairs scraping the floor as someone stood up.

*Ell, don't do this,' said Uncle Gavin. 'Don't have a strop like last time.

I am an adult,' said Ellis. There was a contained fury in her voice that

reinforced the statement. 'And if you're not going to respect me, then I am

not going to be around you.

I watched, hidden in the darkness at the top of the stairs, as Ellis sat down

on the bottom step to put her shoes on. Then she pulled on her coat, calmly

opened our front door, and stepped outside.

Before I could think twice, I raced to my room, grabbed my dressing

gown and slippers, and ran after her.

I found her sitting in her car, vape pen hanging from her mouth but with

seemingly no intention of smoking anything.

(This is an example of acephobia(aphobia) and arophobia and if you experiences or have experienced something like this I’m so sorry no one should have to go through anything like this EVER, this is why I’m so education focused on this blog and in real life too we are not broken and people fear what they don’t understand it doent excuse any actions that they take against us)

Platonic Magic

"You mean, do I ever feel like my life is worthless because I won't ever have a partner or children?' she asked. It sounded worse when she put it like that. But I wanted to know. I needed to know whether I would always feel uncomfortable with this part of myself.

"Yeah,' I said. *Well, firstly, I can have children whenever I want. Adoption exists. *But what about having a partner?' She paused. And then she said, 'Yes, I do feel like that occasionally.'

Oh. So maybe I was always going to feel like this. Mavbe I would never feel comfortable with this. Maybe - *But that's just a feeling,' she continued. 'And I know it's untrue. I blinked up at her. 'Having a partner is what some people want. For others, it's not. It took

me a long, long time to figure out that that's not what I want. In fact .' She hesitated. But only for a moment. 'It took me a long time to realise that it's

not even something I can want. It's not a choice for me. It's a part of me that I can't change.' I was holding my breath.

*How did you realise?' I asked eventually, my heart in my mouth. She laughed. 'It's. well, are you in the mood for me to condense my entire life into one conversation over a Christmas Day McDonald's?'. Yes. Ha. OK.' She took a spoonful of ice cream. 'So... I never had any crushes when I was a child. Not any real ones, anyway. Sometimes I

confused friendship for them, or just thinking a guy was really cool. But I

never really fancied anyone. Even celebrities or musicians or whatever. She raised her eyebrows and huffed out a sigh as if this was all a minor

inconvenience. *But the thing was,' she said, 'everybody else I knew got crushes. They dated. All my friends talked about hot boys. They all got boyfriends. Our family has always been big and loving - you know, your parents and my parents and our grandparents and everyone else - so that was always what I saw as the norm. That was all I knew. In my eyes, dating and relationships were just ... what people did. It was human. So that's what I tried to do too.' Tried. She had tried too.

"And this continued into my late teens, and then into my twenties. Especially when I got into modelling, because everyone was getting with

each other in modelling. So I would force myself to do it too, just to be

involved and not be left out.' She blinked. 'But .…. I hated it. I hated every

fucking second of it.' There was a pause. I didn't know what to say. "I don't know when I started to realise that I hated it. For a long time, was just dating and having sex because that's what people did. And I wanted to feel like those people. I wanted the fun, exciting beauty of romance and sex. But there was always this underlying feeling of wrongness. Almost disgust. It just felt wrong on a fundamental level.' I felt a wave of relief that I had never let myself go that far. Maybe I was a little stronger than I thought. 'And yet, I kept trying to like it. I kept thinking, maybe I'm just picky. Maybe I haven't met the right guy. Maybe I like girls instead. Maybe, maybe, maybe.' She shook her head. *Maybe never came. It never got

here.' She leant back into the driver's seat, staring ahead at the soft glow of

McDonald's. "There was the fear too. I didn't know how I was going to function in this world alone. Not just alone now, but endlessly alone. Partnerless until I die. You know why people pair up into couples? Because being a human is

fucking terrifying. But it's a hell of a lot easier if you're not doing it by

yourself. I guessed that was the crux of it. I could, on a base level, accept that I was like this. But I didn't know how

I was going to deal with that for the rest of my life. Twenty years from now.

Forty. Sixty. Then Ellis said, 'But I'm older now. I've learnt some things. *Like what?' I asked. *Like the way friendship can be just as intense, beautiful and endless as romance. Like the way there's love everywhere around me - there's love formy friends, there's love in my paintings, there's love for myself. There's even love for my parents in there somewhere. Deep down.' She laughed, and I couldn't help but smile. I have a lot more love than some people in the world. Even if I'll never have a wedding.' She took a big spoonful of ice

cream. 'There's definitely love for ice cream, let me tell you that. I laughed and she grinned at me. I was hopeless about being like this for a long time,' she said, and then shook her head. 'But I'm not any more. Finally. Finally I'm not hopeless any more.' "I wish I could be like that,' I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them. Ellis raised a curious eyebrow at me. "Yeah?' I took a breath. OK. Now or never. I think I'm ... like you,' I said. 'I don't like anyone either. Romance-

wise, I mean. Dating and stuff. It's ... I just can't feel any of it. I used to want it - I mean, I still think I do want it sometimes. But I can never really

want it, because I don't feel that way for anyone. If that makes sense.I could feel myself going redder and redder the more I spoke. Ellis said nothing for a moment. Then she ate another spoonful of ice cream. That's why you got in the car, isn't it?' she said. I nodded. *Well,' she said. She seemed to realise the magnitude of what l'd admitted. "Well.' "It's a real sexuality,' I said. I didn't even know if Ellis knew it was asexuality. "Just like being gay or straight or bi.' Ellis chuckled. 'The nothing sexuality.' "It's not nothing. It's ... well it's two different things. Aromantic is when

you don't feel romantic attraction and asexual is when you don't feel sexual attraction. Some people are just one or the other, but I'm both, so I'm romantic asexual.' That wasn't the first time I'd said those words. But every time I said them, they felt a little more at home in the air around me. Ellis considered this. 'Two things. Hm. Two in one. Buy one get one free. Love that! I snorted, which made her genuinely laugh, and all the nerves that had been constricting my chest eased. Who told you about those, then?' she asked. *Someone at uni, ' I said. But Sunil wasn't just someone, was he? 'One ofmy friends. Are they also ...?' "They're asexual too. *Wow.' Ellis grinned. 'Well, that makes three of us.' *There are more,' I said. 'A lot more. Out there. In the world.' "Really?' "Yeah.' Ellis stared out of the window, smiling. 'That would be nice. If there were lots out there. We sat in silence for a moment. I finished eating my chips. There were more of us out there. Neither of us were alone in this. *You're ... very lucky to know all of this,' said Ellis suddenly. 'I'm She shook her head. 'Ha. I guess I'm a bit jealous."Why?' I asked, confused. She looked at me. 'I just wasted a lot of time. That's all.'She chucked her empty McFlurry pot into the back seat and turned on the ignition.'I don't feel lucky,' I said. *What do you feel?'"I don't know. Lost.' I thought of Sunil. 'My friend said I don't have to do anything. He said all I need to do is be.*Your friend sounds like a wise old sage. "That just about sums him up. Ellis started driving us out of the car park.I don't like doing nothing,' she said. 'It's boring."So what do you think I should do?'She gave this some thought for a moment. Then she said. 'Give your friendships the magic you would give a romance. Because they're just as important. Actually, for us, they're way more important.' She glanced to one side at me. 'There. Was that sage-like enough for you?' I grinned. 'Very sage-like.' "I can be profound. I am an artist. *You should put this in a painting. *You know what? Maybe I will.' She raised a hand and twinkled her fingers. I'll call it Platonic Magic. And no one who isn't like us - wait, what was it? Aro...?' *Aromatic asexual?' *Yes. No one who isn't romantic asexual will understand it. "Can I have it?' 'Do you have two thousand pounds?' *Your paintings are selling for two thousand pounds?' *They sure are. I'm pretty good at my job.'

*Can I get student discount?' *Maybe. Just because you're my cousin. Student cousin discount.' And then we were laughing as we reached the motorway and I thought about the magic that I could find, maybe, if I looked a little harder.

(YESSS JUST YES ! THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT SHARING AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHER realizing that there is no one superior form of relationship familial, platonic, Alterous, romantic ect they all exist and you can experience all or none of them if you wish)

Memories

When I was thirteen, I had a crush on one of myfriends. A girl. But like –’ she made a shrugging gesture ‘– all girls do that,right? Like, that’s common, having little crushes on your female friends.’‘No,’ I said, trying not to laugh. ‘Nope. Not all girls do that. Example A.’I gestured to myself.‘Well. OK, then.’ She looked to one side. ‘I guess I like girls, then.’She said it with such nonchalance, it was as if she’d realised her sexualityand come out in the space of about ten seconds. But I knew her better thanthat. She’d probably been figuring it out for a while. Just like I had.‘Does that make me bi?’ she asked. ‘Or ... pan? Or what?’‘Whatever you want.

Love Ruins Everything

You know what I’ve learnt?’ she said. ‘Love ruins everything.’I didn’t agree, but I didn’t know how to argue with a statement like that.So she left and I just said nothing

You Deserve Joy.

OK. I was brave. And there were cupcakes.I went to get a cupcake. For emotional support

Hearing about all these things, and seeing allthe people getting excited about them, made me feel excited in a weird way.Even though I wouldn’t go to most of them. I almost felt like I belonged tosomething just by being here

"No. It's about the relationships we form here. Friendship, love and support while we're all trying to survive and thrive in a world that often doesn't feel like it was made for us. Whether you're gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, intersex, non-binary, asexual, aromantic, queer, or however you identify - most of us here felt a sense of unbelonging while we were growing up.' Sunil looked one more time at Jess, then back out at the crowd. "But we're all here for each other. And it's those relationships that make Pride Soc so important and so special. It's those relationships that, despite all of the hardships in our lives, will continue to bring us joy every single day.' He raised his glass. 'And we all deserve joy It was kind of cheesy, maybe. But it was also one of the loveliest speeches I'd heard in my whole life. Everyone raised their drinks then cheered for Sunil as he stepped down and Jess buried him in a hug. That was it. That was what everything was about. The love in that hug. The knowing look between them. They had their own love story. That was what I wanted. That was what I'd had, once, maybe. I used to dream of a spellbinding, endless, forever romance. A beautiful story of meeting a person who could change your whole world.But now. I realised, friendship could be that too.

Jason

Fortunately, he spoke first.‘I wish Pip was here,’ he said. ‘She would have loved tonight.’It wasn’t what I expected him to say, but as soon as he did, I realised howright he was.Jason snorted. ‘I have such a clear vision of her dressed up as Scooby-Doo, doing the Scooby-Doo voice.’‘Oh my God. Yes.’‘I can literally hear it. And it’s terrible.’‘She would be terrible.’We both laughed. Like everything was back to normal.But it wasn’t.Not until we talked about it

You didn’t deserve to be treated like that,’ I continued, trying to get it allout now while I had the chance.Jason nodded. ‘That is true.’‘And I need you to know that it was nothing to do with you – you’re –you’re perfect.’Jason smiled, and attempted to flip the hair of his wig. ‘Also true.’‘I’m just – I’m just different. I just can’t feel that stuff.’‘Yeah.’ Jason nodded again. ‘You’re ... asexual? Or aromantic?’I froze. ‘What – wait, you know what those are?’‘Well ... I’d heard of them. And when you messaged me I made theconnection and then I went and looked them up and, yeah. That soundedlike what you were describing.’ He looked alarmed suddenly. ‘Am I wrong?I’m so sorry if I got it wrong ...’‘No, no – you’re right.’ I let out a breath. ‘I-I am. Uh, both of them. Aro-ace.’‘Aro-ace,’ Jason repeated. ‘Well.’‘Yeah.’He slotted his hand into mine and we resumed walking.

I did remember this incident. But I didn't think I'd been particularly forceful or bold. I'd just tried to stand up for my best friend who was clearly in the right. It just made me think ... Georgia might be kind of quiet and shy, but she'd stand up to a scary teacher if one of her friends was being shouted at. That's the sort of person you are. It made me feel certain that you truly cared about me. And I guess that's when I started ... you know, falling for you. I still care about you that much,' I said immediately, even though I didn't think what I'd said to Mr Cole was particularly special or brave. still wanted Jason to know that I cared about him exactly as much as he'd thought in that moment.

Sorry.

Sunil peered at Jason’s framed photo of Sarah Michelle Gellar and FreddiePrinze Jr for a solid few seconds before tapping it and asking, ‘Wouldsomebody like to explain this, please?’‘It’s a really long story,’ said Jason, who was sitting on his bed.‘It’s a good story, though,’ I added. Me and Rooney were on the floorwith Jason’s pillows as back rests, though Rooney was having a smallpower nap.‘Well, now I’m even more intrigued.

Beth

Rooney had stopped crying by the time I returned to our room. Instead, she was changing into going-out clothes. You're going out?' I asked, shutting the door behind me and flicking the light switch. She hadn't even bothered to turn the light on Yeah,' she said, pulling a bardot top over her head. Why?' Because if I stay here,' she snapped, 'then I'll have to sit and think about everything all night, and I can't do that. I can't just sit and be with my thoughts. Who do you even go out with?' Just people in college. I have other friends.' Friends who don't ever stop by for tea, or come over for movie nights and pizza, or check in with you when you're feeling rough? That's what I wanted to say. OK.' I said.

Alive. Thank God. Thank God. I ran up to her. She was just wearing the bardot top and a skirt, despite the fact that it had to be like five degrees outside. What - what are you doing?' I said, feeling inexplicably angry at her. She looked up at me. 'Oh. Good. Finally.' You .... Have you just been sitting here all night?' She stood up, attempting to be nonchalant, but I could see the way she was clutching her arms, trying to control her violent shivering. 'Only a couple of hours.' I wrenched off my dressing gown and gave it to her. She wrapped it round herself without question. Couldn't you have called someone else - one of your other friends?' I asked. "Surely someone was awake. She shook her head. 'No one was awake. Well, a couple of people read my messages, but ... they must have ignored them. And then my phone died. I was so alarmed by this that I couldn't even think of anything else to say I just let us back into college and we walked to our room in silence. You can't just ... You need to be more careful,' I said as we entered the room. 'It's not safe to be out there on your own at that time. She started changing into her pyjamas. She looked exhausted. Why do you care?' she whispered. Not in a mean way. A genuine question. Like she honestly couldn't fathom what the answer was. 'Why do you care about me?' You're my friend,' I said, standing by the door. She didn't say anything else. She just got into bed and closed her eyes. I picked up her discarded clothes from the floor and put them in her wash basket, but then realised her phone was in her skirt pocket, so I fished it out and put it on charge for her. I even poured a little bit of water into Roderick's planter. He really was looking a little perkier. And then I got into bed and wondered why I cared about Rooney Bach, queen of self-sabotage, the love expert who wasn't. Because I did. I really, really did care about her, despite how different we were and how we probably wouldn't have ever spoken if we hadn't been roomed together and all the times she'd said the wrong thing or made a mess of a situation. I cared about her because I liked her. I liked her passion for the Shakespeare Society. I liked the way she’d get excited about things thatdidn’t matter very much, like rugs or plays or college marriage. I liked theway she’d always genuinely wanted to help me, even though she’d neveractually known the right thing to say or do and had given much worseadvice than I’d initially realised.I thought that she was a good person, and I liked having her in my life.And I was starting to realise that it was unfathomable to Rooney thatsomeone could feel that way about her.

Emergency Meeting

No, Jess will actually be upset if I don’t ask her to take part,’ said Sunil.‘She’s obsessed with stuff like this

We ordered pancakes – I went for savoury; she went for sweet – andchatted for a while about mundane topics like our coursework and theupcoming reading week.Eventually, though, she cut to the chase.‘I know why you’re doing this,’ she said, her gaze level with mine.‘Doing what?’‘Making me go out for breakfast and help you with the Pip thing.’‘Why’s that, then?’‘You feel sorry for me.’I put my knife and fork neatly on to my empty plate. ‘No, actually.Wrong. Utterly wrong.’I could tell she didn’t believe me.And then she said, ‘You spoke to Beth on the phone.’I froze. ‘You were awake?’‘Why’d you answer the phone?’Why had I answered the phone? I knew most people would have just letit go to voicemail.‘I guess ... I hoped she was calling to check up on you,’ I said, and Ididn’t know how much sense that made.I had just wanted Rooney to know that someone had called. Thatsomeone cared. But Beth wasn’t that person. She didn’t care any more.‘Wasshe?’ asked Rooney in a small voice. ‘Calling to check up on me?’I could have lied.But I didn’t lie to Rooney.‘No,’ I said. ‘She didn’t have your number saved.’Rooney’s face dropped. She looked down, to one side. She took a longgulp of apple juice.‘Who is she?’ I asked.‘Why do you have to do that?’ Rooney leant on to one hand, covering hereyes. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’‘That’s fine. I just want you to know that you can.’I ordered another drink. She sat in silence with her arms folded,seemingly trying to cram herself further into the corner of the room

The Night Before

‘I’m really nervous about tomorrow,’ I confessed halfway through thethird video.‘Same,’ said Rooney, crunching a biscuit in her mouth.‘Do you think she’ll like it?’‘I honestly have no idea.’We didn’t say anything else for a little while, and we soon finished thebiscuits too. When the fourth video ended, Rooney didn’t go to find a newone, so we just lay there silently in the light of the screen.After some time – maybe a few minutes, maybe longer – she asked,‘D’you think it’s weird I’ve still got that picture of Beth?’I rolled my head to face her.‘No,’ I said. That was the truth.‘I do,’ she said. She sounded so tired.

I wanted to rewind time and give her the life she deserved because I loved her, and she was a goodperson. I knew she was a good person.‘It’s not your fault,’ I whispered. ‘You have to believe that.’She wiped frantically at her eyes, which didn’t help much.‘Sorry,’ she said hoarsely. ‘This always happens when I talk about ...stuff.’‘I don’t mind you crying,’ I said.‘I just ... I hate the idea of people knowing me because ... surely thenthey’ll hate me the same way I hate myself.’‘But I don’t,’ I said. ‘I don’t hate you But I don’t,’ I said. ‘I don’t hate you.’She didn’t reply. She kept her eyes closed. And I don’t know when weboth fell asleep but we did, tangled up like that in our makeshift double bed,and I knew there was no easy way to fix this, but I hoped she felt safe, atleast. Maybe I would never be able to replace Beth, and maybe Rooneywould take a long time to dig her way out of these feelings, and maybethere was nothing I could do to help at all. But I hoped she felt safe with me

Your Song

This was a terrible idea,’ I said to Jason, who was standing next to me at the riverbank wearing a large, bright-yellow life jacket over his own suitand tie. It was a look.‘It’s not a terrible idea,’ he said. ‘It’s a very good idea.’‘I’ve changed my mind.

You can do this, OK? I mean, you’re absolutely fucking insane for doingthis, but this is literally going to go down in history. Honestly, I wouldn’t besurprised if it went viral.’I shot him a panicked look. ‘I do not want this to go viral. I want to dothis and then never think about it again. No one is allowed to post this onYouTube.’‘OK. It won’t go viral.

‘Nearly there,’ Jason murmured from behind me.I turned to him, feeling comforted by his presence.‘It’s gonna be amazing,’ he said.‘Yeah?’‘Yeah.’I tried out a little smile. ‘Thanks for helping.’Jason shrugged. ‘We’re friends.’I grinned. ‘Let me know if you need any help with any elaborate platonicgestures of your own.’‘I will.’And when I turned back and looked up at the bridge, Pip was there.Her eyes were wide behind her glasses. The winter wind was whippingher hair into a mess of dark curls. She was bundled in a thick Puffa jacket,standing next to her friend who, thankfully, had brought her here on time.She was looking down at me, mouth open, absolutely baffled.I just grinned. I couldn’t help it.‘Hi!’ I called up to her.And then she grinned back and shouted, ‘What the fuck?’I turned to everyone on the boat. Sunil, Jess and Rooney had picked uptheir instruments, ready to begin. They were waiting for me.‘Ready?’ I said.They nodded. I counted them in.And then, with three accompanists, I stood on a boat on the River Wearand sang ‘Your Song’ – the version specifically from Moulin Rouge – to Pip Quintana, who didn’t yet know me as well as I wished she did, but despite that, was one of my favourite people I had ever met.

The Opposite of Curious

I looked at him, feeling how much my face was burning. ‘What?’‘You need to ask the question.’Oh yeah.I grabbed the megaphone we’d brought with us from the bottom of therowing boat – carefully, so I didn’t just fall into the water, which wasbecoming an ever-increasing danger by this point – and held it up.‘Pip Quintana,’ I said, and it came out so loud through the megaphonethat I made myself jump.Pip looked incredibly flustered and still did not seem to know what wasgoing on. ‘Yes?’‘Will you be my college wife?’The look on her face told me that she was not expecting that question.Then she smacked her palm on to her forehead. She realised.‘YES!’ she shrieked at me. ‘AND I HATE YOU!

Why are you like this?’ was the first thing Pip said to me, furiouslyrubbing tears from her eyes, new ones replacing them just as fast.‘Like ... what?’ I asked, genuinely confused.Pip shook her head, sitting back from me a little. ‘This.’ She laughed. ‘Inever would have done something like this. I’m too much of a dumbass.’‘You’re not a dumbass.’‘Oh, I am. Big, big dumbass.’‘You’re talking to someone who is waist-deep in a river in February rightnow.

‘All in the spirit of love,’ replied Sunil, slinging an arm round Jess.He was right, I supposed All of this was for love, in one way or another

Because ... I don’t. I can’t. I can’t like anyone. Not boys, not girls, notanyone.’ I ran a hand over my hair. ‘I just ... can’t. I never will.’I waited for the words that would inevitably follow. You don’t know that.You’ll meet someone one day. You just haven’t met the right person.But all she said was, ‘Oh.’She nodded slowly in that way she did when she was thinking hard aboutsomething.I was just going to have to say the words.‘It’s called aromantic asexual,’ I said on an exhale.‘Oh,’ she said again.I waited for her to say something more, but she didn’t. She just sat there,thinking really hard.

‘I get that it sounds weird.’ I could feel myself going red. Would I everstop feeling embarrassed about explaining this to people?‘It’s not weird.’‘It sounds weird, though.’‘No, it doesn’t.’‘It does.’‘Georgia.’ Pip smiled, a little exasperated. ‘You’re not weird.’She was the first person who’d said that to me.I hated that I still felt, sometimes, underneath it all, that I wasn’t normal.But maybe getting over that would take time.Maybe, little by little, I could start to believe that I was OK.‘A bit wordy, though, isn’t it?’ Pip continued, leaning back on to the sideof the bed. ‘Eight whole syllables. Bit of a mouthful.’‘Some people call it aro-ace for short.’‘Oh, that’s way better. That sounds like a character from Star Wars.’ Shemade a dramatic gesture with one hand. ‘Aro Ace. Defender of theuniverse.’‘OK, I hate that.’‘Come on. You like space.’‘No.’We were just joking, but I sort of wanted to scream. Take me seriously.She could tell.‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how to talk about serious things withoutmaking it into a joke.’I nodded. ‘Yeah. It’s fine.’‘Did you ... feel like that all through school?’‘Yeah. I wasn’t really aware of it, though.’

This is going to sound bad, but, like, how do you know you won’t findsomeone one day?’This was the question that had been plaguing me for months.But when Pip asked me it then, I realised I knew the answer.Finally.‘Because I know myself. I know what I feel and ... what I have thecapability to feel, I think.’ I smiled weakly at her. ‘I mean, how do youknow you won’t fall for a guy one day?’Pip made a face.I laughed. ‘Yeah, exactly. You just know that about yourself. And now I know too.

Why did you college propose to me?’ Pip asked.There’d been a lot of reasons. I’d wanted to make a big gesture, I’dwanted to cheer her up, I’d wanted her to be my friend again, I’d wanted tomake things right. I was sure Pip knew all those things too.But maybe she needed to hear it out loud.‘Because I love you,’ I said, ‘and you deserve magical moments likethat.’Pip stared at me.Then her eyes filled with tears.She leant on to one hand, covering her eyes. ‘You fucking dick. I’m notdrunk enough to cry while having emotional conversations with friends.’‘I’m not sorry.’‘You should be! Where the fuck are your tears!’‘I don’t cry in front of anyone, my dude. You know this.’‘I’m making it my new mission in life to make you cry with emotion.’‘Good luck with that ‘It’s going to happen.’‘Sure.’‘I hate you.’I grinned at her. ‘I hate you too.

Mess

Yes,’ said Rooney, strained, after a long pause. ‘So ... you and Georgiahad a sleepover?’‘Oh, yeah, erm –’ Pip suddenly blanched. ‘I mean – just a platonicsleepover. Obviously. We didn’t – Georgia’s not –’‘I know,’ said Rooney quickly. ‘Georgia’s not into sex.’Pip’s mouth twitched. Rooney using the word ‘sex’ seemed to have sentPip on to another level of panic.‘Georgia’s right here,’ I said, literally unable to keep the giant smile offmy face by this point.Pip stepped back, her cheeks tinged red. ‘Um ... anyway, yeah, I’d bettergo.’Rooney looked dazed. ‘OK.’‘I ... well, it was nice to ... um ... yeah.’‘Yeah.

I shrugged. ‘Thought I’d check.’She rolled on to her back, spreading out her limbs as if willing herself tomelt into the sheets. ‘I’m a mess.’‘So’s Pip,’ I said. ‘You’re kind of made for each other.’Rooney made a low grunting sound. ‘Don’t give me false hope. She’snever going to like me after what I did.’‘Do you want my opinion?’‘No.’‘OK.’‘Wait, yes. Yes I do.’‘Pip likes you back and I think you should actually try talking to her normally again.

*Because I'm shit and she deserves better. I can't fall in love, anyway. I'll get over this. Pip should be with a nice person. The way she said it - light and casual - I could have easily mistaken it for a joke. But because I understood Rooney on a slightly deeper level by this point, I knew she wasn't joking at all. 'Dude,' I said. 'I'm the one who can't fall in love. I think you just don't want to. She made a 'harrumph' noise. *Well?' I asked. 'Are you aromantic?' 'No,' she grumbled. *There. So stop erasing my identity and tell Pip you like her. *Don't use your identity to make me admit my feelings. "I can and I will.' 'Did you see her bedhead?' Rooney mumbled into her pillow. "Er, yes?' "She looked so fluffy.' *She'd probably murder you if you called her fluffy.' "I bet she smells really nice. "She does. Fuck you.

We Kept the Beds Together

Excuse me, we are co-directors. I get some of the credit.’‘No. Incorrect. I removed your directorship when you decided toabandon us for two months.’Pip’s mouth dropped open, and she whipped her head round to me to seemy reaction. ‘Is she allowed to joke about that yet? Surely we’re not at thepoint where we can joke about our feud yet.’‘I can joke about what I want,’ said Rooney.I was busy stacking chairs. ‘I’m not getting involved,’ I said.

Even though I still wasn’t sure whether Rooney was really OK.We hadn’t spoken again about what she’d told me that night we moved thebeds. About Beth and her ex-boyfriend and her teenage life.But we kept the beds together.We rehearsed our play and we ate in the cafeteria, and Rooney stoppedgoing out at night. We sat together in lectures and walked to and from thelibrary in the cold and we watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine one Saturdaymorning until noon, buried in the covers. I waited for her to break again.For her to run away from me.But she didn’t, and, still, we kept the beds together

Oh. Thisis an asexual thing.’ I laughed at myself. ‘I forgot other people are obsessedwith having sex. Wow. That’s really funny.’I suddenly realised both Rooney and Pip were gazing at me with smallsmiles on their faces. Not pitying or patronising. Just kind of like they werehappy for me.I guess it was a development that I could laugh about my sexuality. Thathad to be progress, right?‘It’s a good movie, but I think it’d be better if the main romance wasgay,’ said Pip.‘Agreed,’ said Rooney, and we looked at her.

Horny and Confused

Felipa Quintana: Okay I know it’s 7am and you’re definitely asleep but oh my god youare going to murder me when I explain what just happenedOh my GOD sflkgjsdfhlgkj okayWOW Sorry I literally cannot process Okay. right. so Everything was fine last night, like, once you left we just wentthrough our last scene.(I mean fine by our standards, like obviously talking to her is just fullof tension every time)

I Will Find Her

‘No, it’s my fault,’ I said. I should have been looking out for her. I shouldhave seen this coming.I knew her better than anyone.Anyone in her whole life.‘I’ll find her,’ I said. ‘I promise I’ll find her.’ I owe her that

.It was Rooney’s phone.I picked it up and turned the screen on. All of my missed calls were onthere. Lots from Pip too, and even a couple from Jason.I sat down on the grass.And I just cried. From exhaustion, from confusion, from fear. I just sat ina field with Rooney’s phone and cried.Even after everything, I couldn’t help her.I couldn’t be a good friend to her.I couldn’t make her feel like she mattered in my life.‘GEORGIA.’A voice. I looked up.For a moment I thought I might be dreaming. Whether she was aprojection from my mind of what I wished was happening right now.But she was real.Rooney was running across the bridge to me, a Starbucks in one handand a bunch of flowers in the other

Grand Gestures

p had cried in front of me dozens of times. It didn’t take much to sether off. Often it had been warranted, but sometimes she cried just becauseshe was tired. Or that one time she cried because she made a lasagne andthen dropped it on the floor.Jason had cried in front of me a few times. Only when really bad thingshappened, like when he realised how horrible Aimee was to him, or wewatched really sad movies about old people, like The Notebook and Pixar’sUp.Rooney had cried in front of me a few times too. When she first told meabout her ex. Outside Pip’s door. And when we moved the beds together.I’d never cried in front of her.I’d never cried in front of anyone.‘Why ... are you ... here ...?’ I managed to stammer out in betweenheaving breaths. I didn’t want her to see me like this. God, I didn’t wantanyone to see me.‘Like this

‘She’s really worried about you,’ I said. ‘Maybe we should get back.’Rooney turned to me.‘You were really worried about me too, weren’t you?’ she said. ‘I’venever seen you cry before.’I clenched my teeth, feeling the tears welling up again. This was why Ididn’t cry in front of people – when I started, it took me ages to stop.‘What’s going on?’ she said. ‘Talk to me.’‘I ...’ I looked down. Ididn’t want her to see me. But Rooney waslooking at me, eyebrows furrowed, so many thoughts churning behind hereyes, and it was that look that made me start spilling everything out. ‘I justcare about you so much ... but I’ve always got this fear that ... one dayyou’ll leave. Or Pip and Jason will leave, or ... I don’t know.’ Fresh tearsfell from my cheeks. ‘I’m never going to fall in love, so ... my friendships are all I have, so ... I just ... can’t bear the idea of losing any of my friends.Because I’m never going to have that one special person.’‘Can you let me be that person?’ Rooney said quietly.I sniffed loudly. ‘What d’you mean?’‘I mean I want to be your special person.’‘B-but ... that’s not how the world works, people always put romanceover friendships –’‘Says who?’ Rooney spluttered, smacking her hand on the ground infront of us. ‘The heteronormative rulebook? Fuck that, Georgia. Fuck that.’She stood up, flailing her arms and pacing as she spoke.‘I know you’ve been trying to help me with Pip,’ she began, ‘and Iappreciate that, Georgia, I really do. I like her and I think she likes me andwe like being around each other and, yep, I’m just gonna say it – I think wereally, really want to have sex with each other.’I just stared at her, my cheeks tear-stained, having no idea where this wasgoing.‘But you know what I realised on my walk?’ she said. ‘I realise that Ilove you, Georgia.’My mouth dropped open.‘Obviously I’m not romantically in love with you. But I realised that whatever these feelings are for you, I ...’ She grinned wildly. ‘I feel like Iam in love. Me and you – this is a fucking love story! I feel like I’ve foundsomething most people just don’t get. I feel at home around you in a way I have never felt in my fucking life. And maybe most people would look at us

and think that we're just friends, or whatever, but I know that it's just ... so

much MORE than that.' She gestured dramatically at me with both hands.

*You changed me. You ... you fucking saved me, I swear to God. I know I

still do a lot of dumb stuff and I say the wrong things and I still have days

where I just feel like shit but ... I've felt happier over the past few weeks

than I have in years.

I couldn't speak. I was frozen.

Rooney dropped to her knees. 'Georgia, I am never going to stop being

your friend. And I don't mean that in the boring average meaning of 'friend'

where we stop talking regularly when we're twenty-five because we've

both met nice young men and gone off to have babies, and only get to meet

up twice a year. I mean I'm going to pester you to buy a house next door to

me when we're forty-five and have finally saved up enough for our

deposits. I mean I'm going to be crashing round yours every night for

dinner because you know I can't fucking cook to save my life, and if I've

got kids and a spouse, they'll probably come round with me, because

otherwise they'll be living on chicken nuggets and chips. I mean I'm going

to be the one bringing you soup when you text me that you're sick and can't

get out of bed and ferrying you to the doctor's even when you don't want to

go because you feel guilty about using the NHS when you just have a

stomach bug. I mean we're gonna knock down the fence between our

gardens so we have one big garden, and we can both get a dog and take

turns looking after it. I mean I'm going to be here, annoying you, until

we're old ladies, sitting in the same care home, talking about putting on a

Shakespeare because we're all old and bored as shit.'

She grabbed the bunch of flowers and practically threw them at me.

'And I bought these for you because I honestly didn't know how else to

express any of that to you.

I was crying. I just started crying again.

Rooney wiped the tears off my cheeks. "What? Don't you believe me?

Because I'm not fucking joking. Don't sit there and tell me I'm lying

because I'm not lying. Did any of that make sense?' She grinned. 'I am

extremely sleep-deprived right now.

I couldn't speak. I was a mess.

She gestured at the bunch of flowers, which had pretty much exploded in

my lap. 'I really wanted to do some grand gesture like you did for Pip and

Jason but I couldn't think of anything because you're the brains in this

friendship.' That made me laugh. She wrapped her arms round me, and then I was just half laughing, half crying, happy and sad at the same time.

*Don't vou believe me?' she asked again, holding me tight. I believe you,' I said, my nose all bunged up and my voice croaky. "I promise.

It's Been Fun

As I turned a corner, I said, ‘Are they in a dressing room, or ...?’ andwhen I got no answer, I glanced back, only to find Rooney and Pipvigorously making out, Rooney having pushed Pip up against a dressing-room door, both of them seemingly unbothered that I was literally rightthere.‘Hey,’ I said, but they either didn’t hear me or chose to ignore me.I coughed loudly.‘HEY,’ I repeated, louder this time, and they reluctantly broke apart,Rooney looking a little irritated and Pip adjusting her glasses, looking likeshe’d just been punched. ‘We have a play to perform?

As I turned a corner, I said, ‘Are they in a dressing room, or ...?’ andwhen I got no answer, I glanced back, only to find Rooney and Pipvigorously making out, Rooney having pushed Pip up against a dressing-room door, both of them seemingly unbothered that I was literally rightthere.‘Hey,’ I said, but they either didn’t hear me or chose to ignore me.I coughed loudly.‘HEY,’ I repeated, louder this time, and they reluctantly broke apart,Rooney looking a little irritated and Pip adjusting her glasses, looking likeshe’d just been punched. ‘We have a play to perform?

‘Whatever happens,’ I said, ‘it’s been fun, right? It’s all been fun.’Everyone nodded. We all knew it had.Whatever happened with the play, with the society, with our strange littlefriendship group ...It had all been so much fun

Good Night

‘Lastly,’ said Jason, ‘four of us wanted to say that we’re dedicating thisperformance to the person who managed to bring us all together aftereverything sort of fell apart.’He turned and looked at me in the wings, his eyes finding mine.‘Georgia Warr is the reason this play is even happening,’ he said. ‘And itmight just be a small play, but it matters to all of us. Quite a lot. AndGeorgia deserves to have something made just for her. So, this one’s foryou, Georgia. This is a play about love.

After Sadie left, Rooney was the first to hug me. She clambered over theothers and just fell on top of me, pushing me down on to the stage andwrapping her arms round me, and I laughed, and she laughed, and we wereboth just laughing and laughing. Pip joined us next, shouting, ‘I want to beincluded,’ and leaping on top of us. Sunil rested his head on Rooney’s back,and then Jason wrapped his body round the four of us, and we all juststayed like that for a moment, laughing and babbling and holding eachother. At the bottom of the scrum, I was basically being crushed, but it wascomforting, in a weird way. The weight of all of them on top of me. Aroundme. With me.We didn’t have to say it, but we all knew. We all knew what we’d foundhere. Or, I did, at least. I knew. I’d found it.And this time there was no big declaration. No grand gesture.It was just us, holding each other.

The House

And there’s enough room to have everyone here,’ I said. By ‘everyone’,I meant the five of us, plus the others who’d been coming along to ourrehearsals – well, they weren’t really rehearsals any more. It wasn’t like wehad another play to prepare for this year, and we were all getting busy withexams and coursework, so we usually just met up to chat, watch movies,and get takeaway food. Every Friday night in my and Rooney’s room.Sometimes Sunil would bring Jess along, or Pip would bring her friendsLizzie and Leo. Sometimes half the Castle men’s rowing team showed up –loud boys who scared me at first, but were actually quite nice when you gotto know them. Sometimes it’d just be the original five, or fewer if we werebusy.It had become a ritual. My favourite university ritual.‘And this is the perfect place for Roderick!’ said Rooney brightly,pointing at an empty corner next to the sofa arm.

A society for aromantic and asexual students. And Isuppose I wondered ... whether you’d want to be involved. Not necessarilyas president of it, but ... well, I don’t know. I just wanted to ask. Nopressure, though.’‘Oh. Um ...’ I immediately felt nervous about the idea. I still had dayswhere I wasn’t brimming with confidence about my sexuality, despite allthe days where I felt proud and grateful that I knew who I was and what Iwanted. Maybe the bad days would become less and less common, but ... Ididn’t know. I couldn’t know.Maybe a lot of people felt like that about their identity. Maybe it wouldjust take time.‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I’m not even out to my parents.’Sunil nodded understandingly. ‘That’s OK. Just let me know after you’vethought about it.’I nodded back. ‘I will.

I was scared that she’d gone back to heavy drinkingand clubbing with strangers, but when I eventually confronted her about it,she timidly revealed that she was spending all of those nights in Pip’s room.And the clothes she kept leaving there were a bit of a giveaway.She’d spend nights in our room too, though. Lots of nights. It wasn’t likeshe’d replaced me, or I was less important.She was one of my best friends. I was one of hers. And we bothunderstood what that meant now

It wasn’t fancy, or anything. But I could really imagine myself livinghere. I could imagine all of us here, starting a new academic year, cominghome and slumping on the sofa next to each other, chatting in the kitchen inthe mornings over bowls of cereal, crowding into the biggest bedroom formovie nights, falling asleep in each other’s beds when we were too tired tomove.I could imagine all of it. A future. A small future, and not a foreverfuture, but a future, nonetheless.

If you’ve made it to the end if this INCREDIBLY long post congratulations 🎊🎉🎈 I don’t think I would have the patients for it in all honesty! I really do love loveless as a book and the quotes that I pick out became more things that I can relate to which helps me figure out how I work as an aro ace person in this world. (Also just things that I relate to with taking care of my friends!)Sometimes I do question because I did actively deny my aro side for a long time! I’m happy that I get to read this book and it has represented some of my experiences really well! I believe it would be a good book for a more emotional understand of the aro-ace community!!!!!!! Thank you Alice Oseman for writing this fantastic and aro-ace centered story !!!

Thank you for reading 🧡💙

~skullkitten

[luimagines]

Hey, I’m not sure how to explain this but getting straight to the point, I’m the person who runs the yandere-linked-universe blog and I’m pretty sure you’re pinkittwice.

So, I was just wondering what ideas you might have about the chain being yandere for one person. Like, what would the dynamic be and how they would behave as yanderes, you know that kind of stuff.

I hope it’s not too much to ask but I’m just curious to see what you might think of it since you’re pretty much the only person on the sight that I know of who also writes things involving lu and the reader. I’m not unhappy or dissatisfied in any way but it does get a little lonely being the only person who writes stuff like this. Sorry if this is too weird.

Masterlist

Yahaha~! You found me!

Everybody go check out their stuff @yandere-linked-universe

They do cool art sometimes and are even writing a whole fic which you can find right here.

It's really well written and I'm excited to see how the story progresses and where it goes- especially endgame.

And I'm assuming the ask means if they were yandere in the same circumstance than in the story.

That being said, I'm still going to apply the rules I have set for the Links. Like how Sky was never with his Zelda and similarly how Time and Malon never really happened. As for Wind, he will not be platonic unlike in the fic mentioned above- I will explain this in his section I promise.

Also, disclaimer, I'm not good at horror and I've never written for these types of characters before. But if you want headcanons then I'll provide the brainstorm that I've been cooking up of ever since I got this ask. (And it was a while ago I'm sorry for the wait.)

I'm also including some songs that I think best fit their rose tinted glasses ideal. Not necessarily yandere and can apply to Link being in love with you in general but it's as close as I'm going to get to making a playlist.

I might come back and change them to stalker songs and add these songs to a separate list entirely but maybe not...

Content under the cut!

It's long, brace yourself.

As a group, I think jealously would run high.

Everybody wants the attention of a single person and there's eight other people as competition.

If the group was tight knit as we like to portray them, it won't last long.

If dear reader was a little caring or naturally falls into a healer/medic position in the group, the group becomes more reckless, less caring about their personal safety- if only to get a momentary caress from the love of their life's fingers as their wounds are tended to.

There's less group unity and alliances between them form.

If the reader isn't a fighter well...

They would take turns guarding their prize and fight to be the one to do it.

Leaving you behind when they go to dungeons is a must.

They won't risk you getting a scratch on your person let alone putting you in a potentially dangerous situation.

They try to keep all their weapons away and out of reach. Less you get any ideas and try to fight with them or worse, get hurt playing with them.

Or try to fight against them. HAHAHAHA!! How crazy would that be?

Like you would stand a chance.

When you're simply traveling with the group, your designated spot is on top of Epona, hands down, no questions asked.

Not only would be easier to keep an eye on you, and make it harder to get away, but Twilight has personally asked Epona (through Wolfie) that if they were ever ambushed, she was to take off with you and get away from the fight no matter the cost. She'll always come back to him anyway- so if you're tied to connected to her than all the more reason for him to be the one to retrieve you when it's all over.

The others don't like how Twilight gets to be the one to greet you first. But Epona is on Twilight's side and everyone knows it.

So they wait their turn.

You're on top of Epona even if you're a fighter as well.

If you can prove your salt and fight with them, they actually don't try to keep you away as much as they can (because now it means that they can spend more time with you!)

It instead becomes a competition to be your partner. Among the younger ones anyway.

The older ones, are less concerned now by you fighting, and more by the younger ones who keep trying to be by your side (even if that's their spot) and try to keep them out of your way.

Every bump and cut you get is treated immediately by who ever reaches you first.

It's once again a race.

The group, as yandere's go, do not know how annoying they're being nor do they plan to stop.

If you told stories of your past conquests, it a mixed bag of awe, adoration and anger for you even being put there to begin with. These thoughts are not voiced however, and they instead stew and simmer and grow into their possessive tendencies.

Because they would protect you, honor you, worship you and you wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. Not if you were with them, not if you stayed with them, not if you were in their Hyrule.

There's a slight knee jerk reaction when you bring out your items to take it away because it's dangerous. But not only would that piss you off, it would take away what little protection you have on your person and they don't want to take any risks when it comes to your safety.

I wouldn't share too much if I were you.

Now as Individuals they're all different, obviously.

Let's explore that.

Time

He's the most dangerous

I'm starting this off with that

I'm talking the most calculating, scheming and devious of the whole group

He know he's in charge and that the others will listen to him regardless if they actually agree with him or not

Because he's the leader

His grip on the group lessens as time goes by and their unity dissipates

But he's delusional and he doesn't realize it

However, because he's already in this position, he takes it upon himself to take care of you

And others let him

Less work for them to focus on when they can be by your side instead

You never have watch

You're always in the middle of the group

He'd gladly send the boys ahead of you into danger to make sure that they deal with it before you even get there.

The others let him with little thought because it's for you

So they go for it

Time however, is somehow, never the one to go ahead, instead waiting behind (with you) while they go ahead and deal with the issue

He gets away with this 8/10 times

Mostly because he rotates who's he's sacrificing

Dad! Time is not here- not anymore

But he lets them near you because he's only biding his time

You're meant to be

Soulmates, if you will

If a little time with you is all those boys need to stay in line and listen to him then he'll allow it

Because they're only boys

He's a man through and through

They have nothing on him

And you deserve more than a mere boy

He has some other concerns on his mind while the boys fight each other like street dogs

Time has to think about your future together so he daydreams the most out of the group.

He doesn't really have a home and a roof over his head for himself- let alone you and he knows he'd have to change that

He thinks about staying as a permanent employee at Lon Lon Ranch

He can save enough money

Buy a house

Maybe some land

And enough things for you and him to make a comfortable life without any worries

Maybe even start a family?

The dream is a reprieve form the headache that are other boys who won't leave you alone

Pray you don't end up in his Hyrule

EVER

This is just the gateway he'd be waiting for to keep you all to himself

Fighter or not it's dangerous to travel with them

You're in danger

And he won't stand for that.

He doesn't know how exactly he'd do it

But he plans to leave you at Lon Lon Ranch, waiting for him, for when he comes back after the mission

He'd have to find some kind of way to actually keep you there and find you when you inevitably try to leave the Ranch

But he's traveled all over his Hyrule

There's no place you could go that he doesn't know about

As the adult of the group, he'd step over all the others

He's not going to listen to them when they try to stop him

They don't know as much as he does

They haven't experienced as much as he has

He knows that this is the best and only option to ensure that you're safe and well taken care of

He'd doesn't mind leaving you as prisoner to the Gerudo instead either if the others start to really get pushy

It won't be comfortable and it won't be glamorous

But they'll definitely keep you in one place

And he can walk in whenever he wanted thanks to that note from the chief from a time long ago

Pick you up, take you away and you'll be his

He daydreams a lot

And he knows that you'll choose him

You have to

He's the best and only option

He's never felt happier thinking about you and the life you'll both have

He's struggled so much anyway

Maybe you were the blessing the goddesses owed him for all his work in his youth

And surely they aren't so cruel to give you to him and then take you away by some monster attack or some terrible unforeseen fate

He can't have that either

So he'll take the first and best out he's given

But while you're here with him...

He's looking at you like you're magic

Warrior

Warrior is the least dangerous

He knows the feel of being on the receiving side of someone's obsession

He was ignorant for a long time about it

But he wasn't sure how to feel comfortable in his own skin again when he found out about it

He can see how the others are starting to show similar obsessive tendencies and tries to mitigate what he can

He does a lot of damage control

It's what he's trying to do anyway- he's not very successful

Warrior is the one who's challenging their train of thought

Why do they think this is ok? Why don't they ask you for your opinion? Why do they not give some time alone to recharge? Why don't they lay off?

Because it's totally for your benefit- AND THEIRS

Because it's not ok

He doesn't see himself follow the exactly same train of thought

He doesn't see himself doing what they're doing

He's just annoyed that they're the ones doing it

Warrior becomes the very definition of hypocrite.

However- because he's the one acting as your advocate- the others don't consider him as much as a threat and therefore more inclined to listen to him at this point in time than Time himself

It also means that they don't fight him as much when he wants time with you. Mostly because in their eyes, he's not interested

They're wrong

At some point in Warrior's attempt to keep the group together and keep you from going crazy or hating all of them, he begins to gain ulterior motives in his mission

He begins to play the role in an attempt to win you over.

Because- see, he's not like them

He won't violate your space

Go through your stuff

Or keep you from doing what you love

He's the one to say you should join them in fights, that you should stay, that you can hold your own

Since he's the main strategist in the group, he takes into account your skills and always places you at a distance from the fight or from the most obsessive the group.

He knows that their one track mind could kill you or them and there's still the darkness to defeat.

They don't have the luxury to afford this kind of distractions

When the others aren't paying attention to him, he'd pepper you with compliments and flirty lines, playing up his charm and suave attitude

He becomes the perfect gentleman

You'd never know that he's crazy

Just join him and be with him- that's all he wants

He loves you so what more is there to offer you?

He's got the status, the looks and the means to take care of you so you wouldn't have to worry about anything else

He'd be the best husband that Hyrule has ever seen

He'd hate to have the group scare you off with how over the top they've all been.

He knows the group is being annoying with being by your side all the time and how they don't let you be and how there's always someone by your side even when you're at your final straw

Warrior is the one who takes over guarding you when you need to pee or bath and actively argues on your behalf to let you take care of your hygiene.

He's not always successful but it's the thought that counts right?

Hyrule agrees with him most of the time and since Hyrule seems to be the only one who still cares (somewhat) about the mission, they make an agreement

Warrior isn't at all concerned about the others and know that you'd come around to him eventually.

Since he's not like the others

You're his first thought in the morning, his last thought when he rests his head to sleep and there's nothing that he hasn't been doing that wasn't for you

Hyrule

Hyrule is the least possessive

Mostly because of his low confidence.

I've mentioned in a previous post that is unrelated to this, his love language is physical touch- so he's all over you

There always have to be some way that he's holding you- whether its a hand on your shoulder or the small of your back, maybe he's holding your hand or maybe he's just pinched the edge of your tunic

But he's careful to not go beyond what you're comfortable with

He doesn't want to you to pull away from him

Because the others will not hesitate to push and pull him away if you so much as hinted at not wanting him near you

So he plays it cool

Hyrule also gets concerned when there's too many injuries to go around and he needs to heal the group

Because if you hurt then he can't spare anything else to help you

It's one of the few things he thinks that he's useful for- so if he can't do this little thing for you then why does he bother?

There's so many other guys here that could easily sweep you off of your feet and have so much more to offer you

He doesn't have any land

He doesn't have a house

His Hyrule... isn't the most welcoming and he doesn't like the idea of bringing you from one dangerous situation to another

Especially since he's being hunted for sport back home

It doesn't stop him from trying to win your heart obviously and he tries to show you and win you over in whatever little ways he can.

He's the gentlest with you

Whatever hurting you, he'll heal

Whatever scaring you, he'll deal with

Whatever danger comes your way, he'll end it's miserable existence

He- like Time- daydreams a lot but he's trying to live for the moment

He's almost resigned in a way- that you won't pick him

He knows they're on borrowed time, he knows that something dangerous can take you away from them or that he could be the one to be taken away instead

So he's trying to make up for it in the time that you do have together and spend every second by your side that he can

Because the group gets a little more reckless in their attempts to impress you and be dealt with (whether you're healing them and tending to their wounds or just yelling at them)

He heals the group a lot little less

If they're going to be stupid and get hurt- then he's not going to waste his magic when they're only going to do the same thing the next day

Soon, with enough time and patience, Hyrule begins to hoard all the healing potions as well.

It's an attempt to keep them away from you so when they're hurt he can step in and just get them healed up in a minute

But it also works to keep the group from getting too reckless

It's not his intention but he takes it as it is

If they get hurt too much anyway then that just means less competition for him to deal with and a higher chance with you!

Because of his low confidence about you actually ending up with him, he becomes one of the more mission minded of the group, probably right after Warrior

Since they both have their sights on eradicating the darkness instead of focusing on their love lives (for different reasons) this is the first alliance to be formed

Hyrule wants you to be his but he's at a crossroad

He knows Warrior has a lot of charm to win you over and has the means to make sure you live a good life

He knows it's more than he can ever give you

But he's fairly certain he can take Warrior in a fight

One well timed Thunder Strike and Warrior wouldn't stand a chance

Not to mention that they've been fighting side by side now, so he knows what to look for to bring him down

He doesn't think it'll come to that though

Warrior doesn't seem that interested with you anyway so he doesn't worry about him

Which just leaves the problem of winning your heart

He wonders what life would be like he can love like you do

Twilight

Twilight is the most protective

It's his wolf instincts and his caretaker instincts combined.

He's used to being the one to look after everyone else

Being his village's primary babysitter and all

But wolves are family animals and they protect their mates

He's the one to fight to keep you away from the fights, whether you can handle yourself or not

He can Four agree with this and it's the second alliance that forms

You must be protected at all costs and there's many things around that can injure you, or worse

So they both try their hardest to keep you safe and secure

If bubble wrap existed in Hyrule you would have been wrapped in it and then wrapped again for good measure.

He's the first to run up to you and the first to drag over Hyrule or someone with a fairy or a potion to treat you

He's not afraid to start punching anything that dares to threaten you

Forget the sword

He'll just start swinging... or maybe just go full Woflie even if he's not in his form and go for the jugular

He lets you ride on Epona more often than not and refuses to let you work more than you should

He's quick to carry things for you

He tries to impress you by being a handy man and tries to fix whatever he can get his hands on for you

He's not good at it

But he tries

His love language is acts of service so he's trying

You don't really need his help though

But let him get it out

And tell him that he's doing a good job please, for your sake

He talks a lot about his home life with you and he ask a lot of questions about your own

He's comparing notes

Trying to see what way of life you'd be more comfortable with and how he can accommodate to it

He tries to win you over with the simple life and he paints pretty pictures of having a ranch and a farm and letting you have all and any animals you want

Wolfie make an appearance every other day instead of simply whenever it's convenient

If you're a dog lover then it's even better.

Twilight is not afraid of taking advantage of it to give you all the kisses and cuddles he can get away in his other form

The others would have to fight the each other just to get kisses from you but Wolfie gets special privilege's

He gets kisses no problem

He's not above using it to his advantage

Epona is always on Twilight side and while he's in wolf form, he tells her all about you and how much he loves you and all the ways he finds you amazing and spectacular

Because you're riding Epona more often than not, he tells her to watch after you and to keep your safe and to get to a safe area if they ever get ambushed

She doesn't know how human romance works, so she agrees.

Link is her master and her best friend, so she trusts him with her life and you're important to him, clearly, so you're important to her too

He's not going to lose you like he lost Midna

She left him behind with barely a glance behind

You won't leave him at all

He'll make sure of it

The others won't take you away from him either

Four seems to be the one who's most on his side right now and together they can lessen the competition

He'd hate to fight the guy and maybe they can come to an understanding but he knows he's got the brute strength that Four lacks not to mention Wolfie and Epona as well

So maybe he'll listen to reason

His world used to be so grey with no change in either direction

An eternal twilight

You became his light in the gloom

Sky

Sky is the least violent

He actually falls in the middle of both protectiveness and jealousy.

But he's more set on letting each of the boy pick each other off (not unlike Time) and then he'll figure out who's left over to deal with them then.

Sky also isn't one to fight off the other people who you interact with

He's not going to go confront the person or drag you away and definitely not going to start swinging

He still feels uncomfortable if you aren't by his side but he'll make up for it when you're done by sticking to your hip

Sky doesn't want you to feel cramped by only talking to the group

But he does get a little jumpy when you're beyond his line of sight.

That being said- he will let you out of his sight

Not for long periods of time, mind you, but he's not going to be in your shadow the entire time or demand to be glued to your hip

He's arguably the most normal out of the group- the least yandere if you will

Still crazy though

Sky is also one to agree with Warrior and Twilight.

He's not a part of any alliance but between wanting you to be safe and still wanting you to be healthy and clean (he knows how being clean helps out ones moral and he doesn't want you to be depressed when you're with them) he'd let them do the fighting and arguing for him and when they lose a bit, he'll say something and add to their cause

He's trying to be chill and he plays on his harp when you're nearby.

If you come sit next him to listen and chill- he will absolutely be over the moon

He will go through some of your things to make sure you have anything and everything you'd need for their adventure

But he won't take away your weapons or go through your diary (he wouldn't be able to read it anyway)

He does try to ask you in some roundabout way if he has permission to do that.

It'll be long winded and vague and a total play on words, so be careful to what you agree with when he asks something of you

Sky although is the least violent, that's in regards to other humans

Monsters have learned to keep away from him when he's on the battle field and if they haven't learned that...

They will

He's the one that tries to have your relationship mature and grow naturally.

Sky is going to simply be your friend first and show you that he has your best interest at heart

So when you talk to him about your problems and how the others are driving you crazy, he'll give you advice, tell you he's on your side and openly give you outs to avoid the others.

If you want time alone and the others begin looking for you, he'll tell them you went in the other direction and he'll send them on a wild goose chase.

Since he's on your side, he tells you to at least let him know where you're going and for how long so he can distract the others.

He's not concerned about you running away, since the others are going to do the work for him

Four and Twilight and Wolfie can find and hunt you down in a heart beat and you'll be together again

He won't blame you for running away, there's a lot of people who won't leave you alone in the group and it annoys him too

And Hyrule, Wind and Time keep you within the group and close by so he never has to worry about not knowing where you are at all times

Warrior and Wild keep you well fed and well taken care of

And Legend makes sure that you always have a potion on you and has even given some power rings to ensure your safety

So all he has to do is butter you up by being the least persistent of them all and you'll fall for him and you can be together forever and ever and even be the start of Hyrule as everyone knows it

Wouldn't that be nice?

While he may not be the most musically inclined of the group, he's the one to serenade you when he gets the chance

He plays his harp more often than not, trying to get the notes out that he hears in his head when he looks at you

His life was such a simple song before you came along but now... It's a symphony, he wants you to know this

Four

Four is the most controlling

He's the one putting restrictions on you left and right and is the one to never want you to leave his side- let alone his line of sight.

You see, he's got these voices in his head that bounce ideas off of each other.

When one might be, hey that guy is talking to you

The other responds with, he's close to you too

One might say, you're smiling and it's beautiful

Another says, why is it directed at that guy?

Which snowballs to, you're a little too close, a little too nice, is he flirting? Has he touched you? Is he trying to make a move?

And then he's even more possessive and it grows and spirals and next thing he knows, he's next to you again and chewing the poor guy out for no reason when it was a simple conversation about the weather and directions.

And that's in public

Now add in the threat of monsters and traps and many other dangerous that surround the group as a whole

He's paranoids in the extreme

So when Twilight suggests that they tie you to Epona and keep you where he they can always see you, he's the first to agree

In fact he feels as if Twilight is the only one who's actually looking out for your well being

Wind tries to throw fits and get the two of them to back off but he's just a kid, what does he know? He should know better anyway, he knows how dangerous this journey is going to get, so why is Wind trying to actively put you in harms way?

Twilight a least can get Wind to listen to reason and Twilight's better at explaining it than he is so while Four'll yell, Wind is really Twilight's problem.

He doesn't like the idea of fighting is friends but he can see that well... He's the only to notice that they're not as close as they used to be when you first joined.

He thinks that Warrior can feel it but Four is the one who'll say it out loud.

Four is actually the most trigger happy out of all them, he's not afraid to break character and yell at some poor passerby who's too foolish enough to even look in your direction

He's the angry guard dog in public and it's a little hard to reign him most of the time

Twilight agree with him in this but he's also the one to hold him back

The last thing they need is to be kicked out of town

But if while you're there maybe he can get something for you?

He's the kind of person to make something for their beloved but he only knows how to make weapons and tools

Things that he's never going to give to you and actively tries to keep them away from at all costs

Yes, if you have your own weapons he'll also try to take them away

He'd rather see you angry than injured

No, he does not see how being weaponless in a fight will lead to more injuries and no, he not going to listen to those who try to tell him that.

Maybe he can learn how to make jewelry and gift that instead?

A pretty thing like yourself should be adorned in more beauty.

And he can save enough to make it with rubies and diamonds and any gold that he can salvage in Hyrule

He'd give you and make you anything you want

You'd be dripping in jewels if he had it his way

He also knows that the voices try to point out his flaws and all the ways that he's really not that appealing to any potential partners

It doesn't matter that he's merged and they all have the same flaws

But whenever he's next to you and things are calm, the voices are quiet and he feels like him

Wild

Wild is the Most violent

Like Four, he does not care if it's a simple conversation, if someone else is taking up your time and attention then he will want to start swinging.

He's usually held back by Warrior and Time since Twilight typically has to restrain Four

But if you're in danger? Real danger?

He becomes the equivalent of the Fierce Deity, no mask required

The battle field becomes a blood bath by his hand alone

Sure the others will want to to cause some destruction as well and destroy any and all threats to you, but Wild goes the extra mile

Forget Twilight going feral, he has an excuse- but Wild?

He'll go ballistically feral, even going as far to drop his weapons to rip into the threats with his hands and teeth

He has to make sure there's absolutely nothing in between you and him

He's not afraid to throw away his whole good guy reputation and even the reputation of the hero in order make sure he's the last man standing

Wild is now taking notes on how the the group fights and how they defend themselves, defend you and try to figure out the best ways to take them down

If there was ever to be a physical fight within the group, he'll not only be a part of it but most likely also the instigator

Wild has already lost all his friends and family before, he can't afford to lose anyone else

Besides his Hyrule has so much more to offer you than some of the others

Not to mention he has his own house- in a safe village- with low monsters around it- and barely any reason to think that he wouldn't be able to provide for you

He's got the rupees he needs from his monster farming and everything's nearby. Whatever he can't get, he can teleport to and he wouldn't have to leave you alone for long periods of time.

Wild goes out of his way to buy you clothes since the others have taken care of your other needs (much to his chagrin)

But he also makes sure you have the best portions of the meals he makes

He keep tracks how much you ate and when

He always there to give you a snack if you even mention of being peckish

He knows the others won't mind if he dotes in this manner

Not only because it's for you...

He has all the food anyway.

When he sees that you're wearing Legend's old tunic, he instantly hates it

He and Legend are less of an alliance and merely on tolerable terms- not that Legend notices or cares- because of this and Wild knows that your clothes have taken a lot battery

He wants to you be warm and protected

But he also has a lot of extra outfits

So he takes a page out of Legend's book and gives you some as well

He's a little disappointed you don't wear them as often but he knows that most of them are specialized for certain terrain- Legend's is more of a catch all kind of deal so he can understand the need for general uses

He's not happy about it

But he understands

The crazy thing is, you wouldn't want to end up in his Hyrule either

Pray you never do

Like Time, Wild has been all over his Hyrule and has traveled to all the nooks and crannies

He knows that he can hide you away without the others ever knowing what happened to you

Not even Wolfie would be able to track you

Why?

Because (and this is from AoC) he can teleport more than one person at a time, so he can just take you far away and somewhere secluded, somewhere where you wouldn't be able to leave

Hebra region? In the cabin where he learned how to shield surf? Or play the snow bowl game?

Gerudo Wasteland?

Akkala Region? With Robbie? It's hard to get past the guardians and the high level monsters...

Or maybe ditch you in the mountains with Paya in Kakariko Village?

Or maybe leave you on the Great Plateau? You can't get down without a paraglider...

Life with you is the only reason he's still on this journey instead of just taking you and leaving

The darkness is still around and it threatens his future with you

But it looks bright in his head when all is over and he's so happy that he met you

Life is now pink! And he won't take off his rose tinted glasses any time soon!

Legend

Legend is the most possessive

As some people have headcanoned in the past, he has a problem letting things go

He's lost so many people he cares about- he knows that items are a little harder to lose

He's the Collector- the Hoarder

Naturally when he sees something that he wants, he'll stop at nothing to make it his.

However, since he has a problem coming into direct contact with his own feelings, he's projecting

Legend instead tries to keep you at arms length and fails miserably

He doesn't want to fall for someone only to have them be ripped form him again, and again and again,

He cares for the group still even after their disagreements and eventually mistrust

He doesn't want to leave this little family they've made for themselves and has disillusioned himself into thinking that he can save it before it's too late

But in his fairytale ending, you're with him

Legend, though, still knows that their time will end and everyone will eventually go home so by the time everyone begins fighting and jealousy runs amuck, he's trying to hold everyone at arms length

When you don't give him attention, he's prone to get angry and may very well at times act like he hates you

He doesn't like it when you so much as breath in someone else's direction

You're his and his alone, why is anyone else even worth your time and energy?

But he's not going to say this out loud

So he's frustrated with himself and pouts often

So he's stuck in a cycle of self hatred and jealousy and not willing to do something to change it

But when you do give him attention, he's melts into a puddle

He's at your beck and call if so much as say his name

There's very little that he isn't willing to do for you or get for you, anything to make you happy

He's also quick to give you power rings to protect you even if he's against you fighting

Legend is also going to give you an extra tunic if (/when) your clothes take too much damage and they're too far gone for him to fix

It's a power move on his part

Not only does he feel giddy with boyish excitement when he sees you in his old tunic (that definitely has some kind of magical properties to ensure your safety), it's also him marking you as his property

And the others know it

Wild does a similar thing so you can at least have a change of clothes but Legend is quick to tailor them when you're not looking to not fit you and be uncomfortable

He's the one going through your things for sure

He need to know that he's the one who's taking care of you

He needs to know you have everything you need

He needs to know if there's anything that you're lacking so that he can sweep in and provide it for you

He's not really planning on taking out the competition or is planning beyond keeping you by his side for the day

He (like Hyrule) is living for the moment, because he's afraid he's going to blink and you'd be gone and there would be nothing else left for him

But you won't be gone

He's going to make sure of that

He's got tunnel vision for sure

But since he's also trying to not fall for you and get his heart broken, it becomes a game of hot and cold with a whole lot of minefields in between that could set him off for (what looks like) no reason

He hates you- no he doesn't- he wants nothing to do with you- he wants to be your everything- he's not going to write you poetry or braid your hair or fall asleep listening to your heart beat- he would kill for that to be his reality- he hates that you're all he's able to think about now- don't leave him please

He's not crushing

He's not

He is

Wind

Wind is the least protective- Still protective but arguably not to the degree of the others

You see, he knows that the others protect him because he's the youngest

And he's not blind

He can see that they're just as, if not more, protective over you

He can see how you hate it and how much it annoys you

He's not going to make that same move

And as a bonus, since the others are protecting you anyway, why should he put in the work and protect you as well?

There's enough people watching you all the time

With the others taking care of it, he can plan on winning you over

He's going to give you as much freedom as he's able to get away with

It'll put him as your favorite

This immediately puts him at a crossroads with Four who's somehow a hair's breadth away from tying you up and chaining you together by the wrists

They fight against each other the most

He plans on marrying you

It's honestly in the same degree of young children that say they're growing to grow up and marry their dad or their mom

Because obviously you marry the person you love and you stay with them for the rest of your life

And he loves you.

So that's what he plans to do

Win you over is step one

Then he (and you) just need to wait a few years for him to get older

And then he'll marry you

He does not see a problem with this plan

Typically I make the reader the same age as him to avoid the worst of it but in this case, this does not matter

I'd say that if you're older, he'd get more easily attached to giving you the freedom you've been missing

With him by your side obviously

Because you're older- you're an 'adult'- you can take care of yourself

You're so cool in his eyes

The others, naturally, see a problem with this

Not only out of jealously at the very thought of it not being them to marry you but because they know he's young and if you're older, (say closer to Twilight and Warrior's age) then they can see the problem it'll prove to be for you from a moral stand point

The others (mainly Legend and Four) bully tease him when you're not around about how selfish he is to even think about making you wait, when you could easily marry one of them instead, so why would you ever choose him?

He tries not to let it get to him because he does hang out with you more than they get to- so maybe they're really just jealous that his plan is working

Wind has the more innocent approach to this whole ordeal out of the whole group

His obsession isn't healthy, obviously, but he at least the excuse of being young and not knowing how to deal with crushes

Because he's awkward with it, (and he knows it) he's actually pretty quick to shut away the worst of it when he's spending time with you, less you think he's weird and push him away

Not only does he not want that to happen, but he's heard the others come up to you countless times regarding him and his behavior and if you'd like him to leave you alone

Because they will deal with him if you so much as say one word of annoyance

The choice is yours

If you indulge him when he wants your attention then he's more like himself and becomes the most normal out of the whole group

He becomes the him when you first joined

Before the obsession

Wind becomes your safest bet in terms of keeping your sanity intact and it's the groups saving grace to keep up any illusion that they're still normal

Wind is dealing with a highly flammable vial of puppy love concentrate

All in the form of budding teenage yandere hormones

If you had met him any later in his life, the cocktail would have no doubt exploded into the form of the other's behavior and he'd seem like a completely different person instead

He's almost like a lost puppy, always following you around and being in your shadow

It would be cute if he wasn't crazy

Wind adores you though and he wants you to know that

[spookydrreid]

Spencer wearing the ugly as all shit sweater vest you knitted him to work even though it has holes and doesn’t fit right because he loves you as he loves it and he love that you would put that much time and effort and love into making him something.

That One Sweater – immypersonal

Pairing: Spencer Reid x gn!reader

Content warnings: none I dont think

word count: 639

REQUEST ARE OPEN!!!!!!

a/n: this request was so damn wholesome and made my cold little heart so happy!!!

Taking up new hobbies wasn’t rare for you. Your spare bedroom was filled with abandoned projects, things you tried to get into but, for one reason or another, you just couldn’t. Spencer was always supportive of the hobbies of the month, week, day, hour.

The hobby of this month? Knitting. Penelope had been trying to get you to knit with her for years, claiming it could calm you down after cases. And you’d needed a different way to wind down after cases. So, after lots of begging on her part, you took her up on her offer to learn. So, every Monday and Wednesday you and her stayed late while she taught you the basic aspects of knitting. And you took it home to practice.

Now, you weren’t the most horrible knitter to ever exist, but you certainly weren’t good by any means. But you tried and, in your book, that’s all that matters. However, in the eyes of your boyfriend, Dr. Spencer Reid, you were a master at knitting.

Obviously, he knew you weren’t. But it didn’t stop him from constantly telling you how great you were doing. So, when you finished a sweater in his estimated size, you decided to actually give it to him. What you didn’t expect, however, was just how much he was going to wear the horrendous thing.

“Spencer… you don’t have to wear it just to make me feel good.” You’d said after giving it to him. It was absolutely heinous and you knew he knew. It didn’t fit him all that well, and there was a small hole in the armpit that you knew would only get larger as time went on. Not to mention the color was the worst shade of brown you’d ever seen.

“Huh? I’m not wearing it to make you feel good? I’m wearing it because you made it and I absolutely love it.” The sparkle in his eyes told you he was telling the truth. But the last thing you wanted was him wearing it to work.

Spencer was a sensitive boy, years of bullying wearing him down. And while the team poked fun at the young genius lovingly, sometimes the jokes got to him. And you knew, that if he wore that to work, he would be subject of relentless teasing. You also knew how protective of you. Meaning, if someone makes fun of something you made? He’s going to be upset.

“I know but… it’s not the greatest thing I’ve ever made. Why not just wait till I can make you a better one?”

Spencer looks offended at the idea, “why would I wait? I am honored to wear this. You made it for me.”

So, you give in, “fine. But I don’t want you to get made fun of. I know how sometimes it can make you get in your head?”

He pulls you in for a hug, kissing the top of your head gently, “my love, I don’t care what anyone says. This sweater means so much to me simply because you, the absolute love of my life, made it for me.” He smiles down at you for a moment, “and if anyone makes fun of me, I will punch them.”

His statement about violence makes you giggle a little. Spencer didn’t even kill spiders, let alone punch one of his co-workers. But, none the less, his confidence and love for that ugly as all hell sweater warmed your heart. And, while you were sure everyone was thinking of making fun of him, no one said a peep.

Thanks to the threatening little text message you set the group prior to him leaving the house.

[ljf613]

Zuko’s Memory Bias

I’ve talked about Azula’s potential memory bias towards her mother. In that same thread, I mentioned that Zuko also has memory bias towards his parents. What I didn’t think about until I was writing my recent post on his relationship with Azula is how those same biases may have affected the way he perceives her. 

(Warning: This is a very complex topic, and I suggest not reading/engaging if you find it potentially triggering or are unable to deal with it in a nuanced way. I am NOT trying to downplay abuse, nor am I trying to gaslight those who’ve been victimized by it.) 

Azula the Liar 

In “Zuko Alone,” we get a good sense of what Zuko’s life was like as a child. We see him interacting with his mother, sister, and (briefly) his father. And we get some insight into a line from “The Avatar State.” 

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “The Avatar State.” Zuko: “You lied to me! [Cut to Azula, who appears confident.]” Azula: “[Smugly.] Like I've never done that before.”/ End ID] 

There are two scenes in “Zuko Alone” where Zuko accuses Azula of lying to him. Look at these lines, and see if you notice a common denominator. 

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “Zuko Alone.” Young Azula: “[Sing-songy.] Dad's going to kill you! [Seriously.] Really, he is.” Young Zuko: “Ha-ha, Azula. Nice try.” Young Azula: “Fine, don't believe me. But I heard everything. Grandfather said Dad's punishment should fit his crime. [Imitates Azulon.] ‘You must know the pain of losing a first-born son. By sacrificing your own!’“ Young Zuko: “Liar!” Young Azula: “I'm only telling you for your own good. I know! Maybe you could find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!” Young Zuko: “Stop it! You're lying! Dad would never do that to me!”/ End ID]

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “Zuko Alone.” Young Zuko: “Where's Mom?” Young Azula: “No one knows. Oh, and last night, Grandpa passed away.” Young Zuko: “Not funny, Azula! You're sick. And I want my knife back, now. [Zuko tries to grab it, but misses as Azula quickly moves out of the way, and loudly grunts.]”/ End ID]

Do you see it yet? Twice Zuko thinks Azula is making some kind of joke, and both times (as far as canon shows us, though I’ve seen headcanons that argue differently) Azula is actually telling the truth. 

Azula has no qualms about lying to acheive her goals. We see this multiple times over the course of the series. But if all we had to go by was these two scenes, we might paint a very different picture. 

Because there’s another, more subtle thing that both of these scenes have in common: both times, Zuko chooses to believe that Azula is lying, rather than accept that a parent (read: Ozai, because both of these things are really his fault) has failed him. 

The Beast 

There’s a kind of cognitive bias that often occurs with victims of abuse. Rather than try to explain it, I’ll give an example of a fictional character from a different story who is a very clear example of how and why it happens. 

In book one of Trials of Apollo (The Hidden Oracle), we’re introduced to a girl named Meg McCaffrey. Meg is strong, tough, and great in a fight. She explains that it’s all because of her stepfather, who took her in off the streets and trained her. She seems to genuinely care about him, and talks about him affectionately. 

But there’s another man in Meg’s life: The Beast. The Beast is a constant presence in her nightmares. He killed her first father, and we soon learn that he’s one of the primary antagonists of the story, and planning on destroying the world. 

But eventually, we discover the truth: The Beast and Meg’s stepfather are the same person. 

Meg’s stepfather is an abuser, one who’s used a common tool of abusers everywhere-- detatching from the tool he uses to abuse her and anthromorphizing it. “Don’t make me angry,” he says, “or you’ll wake up The Beast, and then whatever happens is on your head.” 

And because Meg needs to believe that her stepfather cares about her, she projects all her negative feelings about him towards this figmentary “Beast” and blaming him for all the problems in her life. 

Are we noticing the connection to Zuko and his relationship with his father yet? 

My Father Loves Me 

For the first two and a half seasons (especially in season 1), Zuko is convinced that deep down, his father loves him, cares about him, wants him back home. He has to believe that, because if he doesn’t, then what has been the point of everything he’s done until now? 

Which means that tricking him into an Agni Kai and then burning his face must have been justified. It means that capturing the Avatar really will get him back his honor. It means that everything that’s gone wrong in his life is his own fault. 

Or, at least, almost everything. 

You’re Like My Sister 

The first time we ever hear of Azula (other than that shot of her smiling at the Agni Kai in “The Storm”) is when Zuko is talking to (unconcious) Aang after he captures him in “The Siege of the North, Part 2.” 

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “The Siege of the North, Part 2.” Zuko: “I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. [Stands up and looks outside the cave.] There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.”/ End ID] 

There’s something interesting happening here. This is the first time Zuko’s been able to be totally honest about his feelings around Aang, and what does he do? He starts comparing Aang to, of all people, Azula. He’s projecting. He clearly has all of these negative feelings towards Azula, but he can’t do anything about them. So instead, he’s taking it out on Aang. 

Take every single interaction between Aang and Zuko in season one. Now realize that from Zuko’s perspective, he was dealing with his sister. 

Taking Aang prisoner on his ship? Azula. Constantly trying to capture Aang, only to be outsmarted by him? Azula. Shooting a blast of fire when Aang extends a potential hand of friendship? Azula. 

Because Aang, like Azula, is a perceived obstacle between himself and his father’s love. 

Father Says She Was Born Lucky 

Ozai didn’t just belittle Zuko-- he pitted his children against each other. He made it clear to Zuko that, even from the moment he was born, he would never, ever be as good at his sister. 

And all of this has caused a lot of rage and turmoil inside of Zuko. As self-depricating as he is, he does realize that not everything that’s gone wrong in his life is his fault. But we’ve already established that blaming his father would shatter his worldview. 

So who else does he have to blame? 

Azula. 

Azula, who was born lucky. Azula, who’s just so perfect. Azula, the prodigy. Azula, who everyone adores. Azula, who got everything. Azula, who always lies.  

Azula Always Lies 

Zuko talks a lot about honor. He talks a lot about capturing the Avatar. But when he’s stressed, when he’s feeling pressured, when he’s thinking about all the ways his life has gone wrong, he uses a different mantra. 

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “Zuko Alone.” Young Zuko: “[Chanting in a low voice.] Azula always lies. Azula always lies.” Cut to the older Zuko, lying in green grass, holding his traveler's hat to his chest. Zuko: “Azula always lies.”/ End ID]

Azula always lies. 

”Azula always lies” is comforting. It means ��father doesn’t really consider me a miserable failure.” It means “he was never really going to kill me.” 

Instead of getting angry at all the ways his father has failed him, Zuko can just blame it on Azula’s lies. That way he doesn’t ever have to admit the real problem. 

Now, I’m not saying that Azula was a perfect sister, or even a particularly good one. I’m not saying that she never lied, because we know she did. I’m not saying she didn’t hurt him, or trick him, or manipulate him. What I’m saying is that Zuko’s skewed perception has lead him to blame her not only for all the ways she hurt him, but also all the ways Ozai failed him. 

“Okay,” you’re saying. “Say I agree with you. Say we assume that all of his negative feelings that really should have been directed at Ozai were instead directed at Azula. But that doesn’t matter now. Zuko eventually did realize that his father was wrong. They had a whole dramatic confrontation where Zuko told him what a horrible father he was and everything! He’s not projecting anymore, and his current feelings towards his sister should only be indicative of her actions and behaviors. Right?” 

Wrong. 

How Cognitive Bias Works 

Cognitive bias is insidious. It doesn’t just affect one memory, it ripples outwards, affecting all of them. And the vast majority of the time, we don’t even notice it happening. 

Zuko called Ozai out for two things, and two things only. 

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “The Day of Black Sun, Part 2: The Eclipse.” Zuko: “For so long, all I wanted was for you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. [Points a broadsword at his father.] My father, who challenged me, a thirteen-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. [Cuts to shot of Ozai, looking angered.] How could you possibly justify a duel with a child?”/ End ID]

Zuko blames Ozai for his banishment, and for the Agni Kai. That is it. 

To be clear, I am not saying that Zuko thinks Ozai was a perfect father before all of this. Not at all. Zuko is aware that Ozai is “the worst father in the history of fathers.” 

But it isn’t like he’s gone back and inspected every single memory that involved Ozai and pinpointed all of the ways Ozai abuzed, manipulated, and gaslit him. He can’t. That requires both a level of objectivity he hasn’t reached, as well as a frame of reference for what normal looks like. Any victim of abuse-- especially childhood abuse-- will tell you that even though they know they were abused, they will often have or witness random interactions that will leave them thinking, “wait, this is what normally happens in this kind of situation? You mean [x] was also part of the abuse?” 

Not to mention that while Zuko didn’t examine his feelings towards Azula at any point before the finale. He had his epiphany about Ozai, and realized that his father had been wrong, but he’d always thought Azula was wrong. 

So while Zuko is aware that he had a bad father, he hasn’t actually stopped to consider how much of his anger towards his sister is actually about his father. 

(Again, I’m not blaming Zuko. None of this is his fault, any more than he’s at fault for the Air Nomad Genocide or the war. It’s just the reality of his situation.) 

Conclusion 

So what am I saying here? 

I’m saying that Zuko’s perception of his sister-- his anger, his frustration, his understanding of who she is-- is fundamentally biased. I’m saying Zuko isn’t viewing her from her own merits. I’m saying that Zuko doesn’t actually know her. He thinks he does, but he’s wrong. 

I’m adding another thing to the list of reasons why Zuko is not the person to try and help Azula through her trauma. 

I’m giving yet another example of how the fandom’s perception of Azula is also biased-- because the vast majority of our understanding of Azula’s character comes from Zuko. 

And unlike Zuko, we can detach ourselves from the narrative enough to realize that it might be worthwhile to re-examine our view of her.

[robert-de-niro-only-fans]

Escape

Jimmy Conway x Paulie's Daughter! Reader

Hiiiii, this fic is a little surprise I've been working on and I've got a few others in the works. I hope you guys love it! ❤️

TW: smut, mentions of crime and crime families, murder, marriage, mentions of pregnancy

Word Count: 5.2k

As you stand in front of the mirror, your head spins from the morning you've already had. Women everywhere, whizzing around you doing your hair and makeup, getting you into your wedding dress. All that to make you a bride.

And you do look like a bride, you think as you stare into the mirror.

Behind you, you hear a familiar voice, "Ahem, ladies, could I get a moment alone with our bride?" Jimmy. He's being extra charming today, as many of the women left the room giggling because he spoke to them.

"Wow... (Y/N), you look gorgeous..." he creeps up behind you and delicately places his hands on your sides, as if he might break you. He looks at you in the mirror, before gently placing a kiss on your shoulder. "You're gonna stop traffic when you walk down the aisle. I can't wait to see it," he moves your veil and hair to give you a kiss on the cheek.

You don't say anything, just stare into the mirror. After a small pause, Jimmy turns you around, "Hey, you alright?"

Finally, you get a good look at him in his tux: all black with an off white shirt and a deep green vest peaking out from the lapels of his tuxedo jacket. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, "Yeah, I'm okay, just nervous," you put your hand on his chest, looking him over again, "I'm glad you're here. You always calm me down, and you look great by the way."

You knew it was an unconventional choice, but you wouldn't have picked anyone else to be your Maid of Honor. And Jimmy was happy to do it for you, even with Tommy and Henry making fun of him for it, at least until they got asked to be bridesmaids.

These were guys that in another life, you never would've been friends with, probably wouldn't have even known. And truthfully, your dad didn't want you being friends with them, because he knows what they are: criminals, nothing but criminals. But they're the only family you have, and Paulie had to admit that it was so cute seeing you get into trouble with Henry and Tommy and then go to "Uncle" Jimmy to get you out of it.

Jimmy wouldn't have done that kind of thing for the guys; they needed to get pinched and learn what it was like, but he would do anything to keep your pretty face out of jail. Since you've grown older, old enough for your father to let you get married, you and Jimmy have grown to be best friends. He's not so much the Uncle he used to be to you.

"(Y/N)?" Jimmy starts, "we got something to tell you, honey."

Just from the man's tone of voice, you can tell something is terribly wrong; you just know him too well. At that point, Jimmy opens the door, and Tommy, Henry, and your dad Paulie shuffle in.

"What's going on?" you say sheepishly, taking a step back from the men before you.

"You may wanna sit down," Jimmy motions to the little couch in the room.

Your dad reaches for one of your hands and you pull it away, "What is it, papa?"

"Sweetie, let's sit down, so we can talk," he places a hand on your back, and you both sit on the couch together. Jimmy, Tommy, and Henry all stand around looking like tough guys: arms crossed, keeping an ear out for anyone who might be listening outside the door, their faces looking stone cold with a bit of worry in their eyes.

"(Y/N), that guy out there," Paulie starts, referring to the groom waiting to marry you, "he ain't the guy you think he is."

"What?" you ask quietly.

"Well, uh, the guys here-" he looks up at the three men standing around you, "Jimmy, uh..." He just couldn't say it to you.

"We've been keeping an eye on this guy, scoping him out," Jimmy finishes for Paulie.

"What? You were spying on my fiancé?" you ask, feeling hurt.

"You didn't think we was just gonna let you marry anyone, did ya?" Tommy pipes up.

"And I'm glad we did," Jimmy cuts back in, "that guy out there, (Y/N), he's a liaison for another crime family! They were using you for information, and now he's able to identify all of us."

"What? No... He's- he's... a union rep," you cast your eyes down as it dawns on you; it was all a lie and a great cover up so he could talk about his friends and you wouldn't even realize. God, did you feel stupid. If anyone was gonna catch him in that lie, it should've been you. "I'm so sorry..." you whisper as tears drop down onto your wedding dress.

Paulie immediately pulls you into a hug, "Hey, hey, it's okay, baby girl. It's okay. The guys here have a plan." He tries to comfort you as you cry into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, you know I'd never try to put any of you in danger. I'm sorry I was so stupid!!" You feel horrible and angry with yourself.

"Shhh... You gotta keep your voice down, honey," you feel Jimmy's hand rubbing circles into your back as he kneals next to you. "You're not stupid. It took us a long time to crack this guy. He covered his tracks well."

You turn to Jimmy, tears mixed with mascara running down your face. "Hey..." he says, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping the tears from your face, "Don't cry, angel. You shouldn't cry on your wedding day."

"But-" you get close to him, "it's not my wedding day anymore."

"Still," he pulls you up off the couch and into a hug, "you look too pretty to cry, and besides, we gotta get going."

You give him a confused look, trying to get it together, "Get going? Where are we going?"

"Well, uh, you and I are going on your honeymoon; Tommy and Henry know the rest of the plan."

"Honeymoon? We're not gonna cancel it?" you question.

"Listen, sugar," your dad grabs your attention, "this is the one day we can get your fiancé alone. He didn't dare bring any of his associates; we would recognize them, especially after all the recon we've done. So Jimmy's gonna sneak you out of here, and you're gonna go away for a while, and we're gonna get rid of this crook and tie up all the loose ends."

Just a few moments later, Tommy and Henry go back into the church to make it seem like everything is normal. No one is gonna think anything of Jimmy and your dad being with you, because that's the order the ceremony will go in. Your dad waits out in the hallway, as if he's waiting for you to put the last few finishing touches on your dress, and as everyone clears the hall to go to the church, he signals to Jimmy that it's time.

You and Jimmy quietly sneak out of your dressing room to head to the car. Before you run off, you turn back to your dad, giving him a big hug, "Please be careful, papa. I love you so much, and I'll miss you."

"I love you, too, (Y/N)," he gives you a kiss on the forehead, before you turn to head out the back hallway of the reception hall.

On the way out, Jimmy grabs a huge plate of hors d'oeuvres and holds the door open for you. You make your way out to this random convertible (probably stolen), seeing your suitcase in the backseat.

"Mines in the trunk," he lets you know, before setting the plate of food in the back and helping you in the car. Seconds later, you're peeling out of the church parking lot.

• • •

You and Jimmy can't help but laugh as you get further and further away from your wedding ceremony. You can't explain why you're laughing so hysterically, but it feels like old times getting into trouble with Jimmy. Plus, it's a welcome distraction.

"Jimmy," you interject the laughter.

"Yeah?" he asks, coming down from his laughing fit. You've already reached the highway heading from upstate New York into the city to get to the airport.

"Jimmy, I gotta get out of this dress," there's a serious tone in your voice that tells Jimmy this is more urgent than you let on.

He quickly whips out his switch blade, "Okay, lean forward." And then you feel the cool metal of the blade grace your back as he cuts the ribbons corseting your dress.

The dress loosens around you, and you look over at the man, "Thank you," is all you say before sliding the dress down over your hips, then throwing it up in the air, letting the wind take it down the highway. Jimmy has an impressed look on his face as he glances at you with a half smile on his face.

He reaches over, placing a hand on your bare thigh, pulling your wedding garter down your leg before holding it above his head and spinning it around like a lasso. "WOOOOOO!!!!" he yells at the top of his lungs as he flings the little piece of lace. Anything to make you laugh, and it does get a rise out of you.

There's a pause for a moment as Jimmy takes in the view of you in your white lingerie; his eyes don't linger for long though, because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable.

Though, you can't help but feel sexy for moment before climbing into the backseat to change.

"Hey, bring that food up to the front seat when you're done," he says, looking at you in the rearview mirror. You smack his shoulder, realizing he can see you changing. He chuckles and flips the rearview up. You spend the rest of the trip leaning on Jimmy and snacking on the hors d'oeuvres on the tray, until you arrive at the airport.

Because you skipped the wedding ceremony and reception, you arrive way earlier than you're supposed to, but it's no issue, Jimmy already worked it out by moving your flight up. It also works out better, because there will be goons at the airport looking for you, but by the time they get there, you and Jimmy will already be gone.

• • •

After a few hours when you arrive in the Bahamas, Jimmy gently runs his fingers through your hair to wake you up from your nap. You were conked out on his shoulder, exhausted from this morning. "C'mon, sleepyhead, let's go have a honeymoon," he helps get you up and grab your bags.

"Mmmm," you yawn following him, "you say that like it's your honeymoon or something."

"Well, it is now," he chuckles, grabbing your hand to lead you off the plane. After a warm welcome from some locals at the check in desk, you head over to your private villa, right on the beach. Even though it's already dark, the island is beautiful. The warm breeze makes the palm trees wave; the sand is soft under your feet; and the sound of waves crashing is seriously so relaxing.

Inside your villa, it looks so cozy and clean, and you're so ready to get some dinner and go to bed. That's just what you do. Jimmy calls the office to order dinner to your little beach house, and you pop into the bathroom to take a shower and change.

By the time you're done, dinner is too. Jimmy greets you with a little side hug and pulls your chair out for you to sit down at the table. "Comfy? In your little robe and all?" he asks, eyeing you up and down quickly.

"Mm-hmmm," you moan, stuffing your face with delicious food. Jimmy chuckles at you before doing the same.

After getting your bellies full on tasty seafood, you decide that it would be a good idea to go to sleep, that way you can make the most of your time on this lovely island.

As you and Jimmy make your way to the bedroom, you're met with a reminder of why you're there in the first place: rose petals and candles littering the room.

Jimmy sees the way you pause, "Do you want me to get rid of this stuff?"

"I- uh, no... It's okay," you look back and forth between him and your bed.

"Here," he says, leading you to the couch, "Stay here."

He goes into the bedroom and closes the door behind him. For a few moments you hear huffing and thudding as he blows out candles and throws them in the trash, and you hear his arms hitting the bed as he wipes the rose petals away. Jimmy exits the room with a trash bag in tow, tossing it out on the front patio before returning to the living room, breathing a little heavy, and holding his arm out, motioning you to the bedroom.

You stand up and put your arms around him, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek, "Thank you, Jimmy."

He places his arm around your waist and presses a cheek to your head, "You're welcome, sweetie. Now go to bed."

"You're not coming?" you ask.

"I'll sleep on the couch. You have a good night, and sweet dreams," he gives your arm a squeeze before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

As you settle into bed and try to sleep, it sinks in. Your relationship that you'd been so happy in is over... And here you are in another country for an undetermined amount of time while your ex-fiancé gets "taken care of." Even though his intention was to hurt you, you can't help but mourn what feels like the loss of your happiness. In fact, there's only one place you can feel happy right now, and you won't sleep until you're there.

"Jimmy?" you whisper through your sniffles. You stand before him as he sleeps soundly on the couch. "Jimmy?" A little louder this time, and that does the trick.

The man takes in a sharp inhale through his nose and his eyes pop open, "(Y/N), hey," he rubs his eyes, "you okay?" You just stand there quietly sniffling, and then Jimmy sees the redness in your face, "Hey, hey, c'mere honey, c'mere." He holds the blanket up for you to climb in, and he immediately wraps his arms around you, cuddling you in his cozy little spot on the couch. You simply bury your head into his chest, and let out a few tears. "Shhhh, shhh," he says as if cooing a baby, "it's okay, I'm here, everything's gonna be alright."

• • •

The sun brightly lights the whole open floor plan of your beach side escape, warming you and Jimmy in your bundle of blankets. You awake to the feeling of his fingers lazily combing through your hair, and when you crack your eyes open, you see him happily smiling down at you. You place a hand on his chest, and he covers it with one of his own, giving your fingers a squeeze.

"Morning, you hungry?" he greets you.

"Mmmm... Good morning, sweet man," you happily nuzzle into him.

He cups a hand on the back of your head, "Whaddaya say we get some breakfast, then ya wanna go swimming later today? Hm? We got that beautiful beach right out there." His head motions towards the large glass doors that look out onto the sand and sea.

"Only if we can stay here a little longer," you hum into his chest, perfectly content with just cuddling up to him all day long.

"Okay, princess, we can stay a little longer."

• • •

After a relaxed morning (yes, you both dozed back off to sleep for a while) and a nice breakfast of fresh fruits, juice, and pastries, you wait on the back patio for Jimmy to change into his swimsuit. When the sliding glass door glides open, you turn and see the man in swim trunks that hit about mid-thigh, short sleeve button up shirt that's unbuttoned, a gold chain, and a cigarette. Of course Jimmy dresses like that for the beach.

"Whaddaya think? How do I look?" he jokes at you.

You walk over and places your hands on his bare chest. "The view looks pretty good from here," you chuckle lowly.

Jimmy grunts, "You better watch those hands of yours," he warns, moving you off his chest before lightly taking your fingers in his. "Alright, let's go," he says, leading you towards the waves.

"Ya know, uh," Jimmy catches your attention.

"Hmm?" you chirp, hand still happily in his.

"How come you're still wearing this?" he asks, holding your hand up, and tapping his thumb on your engagement ring.

"Oh... um... I'm not sure, honestly," you look down at your hands, wringing them together and fidgeting with the little piece of jewelry. As you take your first few steps into the ocean, you slip the ring from your finger. "I guess it doesn't mean anything anymore," you ponder to yourself before chucking it into the water.

Jimmy raises his eyebrows in surprise, "You didn't wanna sell it?"

You turn around and pat him on the chest, "I know you and the boys back home will make me more money than that ring is worth. It wouldn't surprise me if it was fake, knowing what I know now."

• • •

Time got away from you as the two of you enjoyed your day in the sun. After walking along the beach and Jimmy dunking you in the waves a few times (don't worry, you got him back), it's already early afternoon. And boy, were you beat.

"Hmmm, I think it's time for a nap!" you yawn, "This sun has got me drained."

"Wanna go inside?" Jimmy points to your little beach house.

"Yeah, but I don't think I can walk another step," you whine playfully, giving the man puppy eyes.

There's a long pause as Jimmy gives you a serious look, but he's only kidding. "You want me to carry you, don't you?"

"Yes, please!"

And with that, your feet are swept out from under you. Jimmy walks you across the sand and through the sliding glass door, right to the bathroom.

"What are we doing in here?" you question as he walks right into the shower, "Jimmy?!"

"Gotta rinse all the salt and sand off," is all he gets out before the shower faucet sprays cold water on you and the man holding you. You squeal loudly and practically jump from Jimmy's arms! You hold onto him tightly for warmth; luckily the water heats up quickly though.

"You bastard!!" you yell and give the man a swift pop on the chest.

"OW!" he giggles and rubs the spot that is quickly turning red.

Your face forms a pout, feeling bad for smacking him, "I'm sorry." You take a step forward and rub your hand on his chest to sooth the spot. When you place your other hand on his chest, you look up at him. Suddenly you feel his strong hands gripping the back of your head, and his lips meet yours. Your back comes into contact with the shower wall, and you're completely surrounded. You feel the muscles of Jimmy's arms squeezing around you as his tongue urges it's way into your mouth.

You could hardly explain it: the timing and the situation feel so wrong, but he feels so 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, like everything you had ever wanted- no, 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥.

Water soaks your hair, your face, your bodies as Jimmy fiercely kisses you. He's almost scared to stop.

But when you gently suck his bottom lip into your mouth and give it a nibble, it's game over.

Your friend-turned-lover rips open the shower curtain and starts walking you to the bedroom, his lips and his body never leaving yours. His tropical shirt slaps the ground in a wet heap, quickly followed by his swim trunks.

His lips find your neck, and you finally get a moment to catch your breath. Pressed against him as you step backwards, you feel his hands frantically working the straps of your swimsuit. You pull back from him just enough to see his face, and he freezes like a deer in headlights.

You simply look each other over, taking in the features of the other's face for a moment, before you lean forward and place your lips to his chastely, kissing him just once or twice. His rough hands gently caress your back, and then things turn passionate again when he slowly removes your top.

You always thought you'd be nervous to be with Jimmy, but after all, this is a man that you trust with your life. Wait- always? Did this imply you'd thought about being with him before?

In the heat of the moment you couldn't make sense of it. All you know right now is that Jimmy already has you naked and on the bed. It feels like your emotions are in a whirlwind, but Jimmy makes you feel good and you want more.

Your hands rake through his still wet hair, as he showers your chest in affection by kissing and sucking at your collarbone and breasts. He travels further down your body with his ministrations, until he reaches your soft inner thighs. You can feel his five o'clock shadow scratching at the delicate skin there, before he stops and looks up at you nervously. You'd never seen this man look nervous before.

His eyes beg for permission to go down on you and his hot breath passes over your center. You simply push down on his head a bit as a signal to go.

With his elbows buried in the soft mattress, forearms wrapped around your thighs, and eyes closed in concentration, his mouth surrounds that little bundle of nerves, lighting a fire in your belly. The sound of him breathing through his nose and your moans fill the room. Every hair on your body stands on end and your toes curl at the feeling of Jimmy Conway giving you head.

Oh God, Jimmy Conway is giving you head... Jimmy Conway your best friend. Jimmy Conway your Maid of Honor? You quickly push that thought away, then raise your head to look down at the man happily working away between your legs.

This is something you never thought you'd do with Jimmy, yet here you are, and oddly, it feels so... comfortable. You aren't nervous at all. Of course, you can't speak for him.

You lightly scruff up his hair, breathing heavily, "Jimmy..." The first word anyone had said in a while.

"Huh?" he says just after a loud slurping noise. His mouth hangs open in a relaxed way as he catches his breath and looks up at you from under his brow bone.

You let out a laugh in the form of a puff of air and a smile. Jimmy returns the smile; it's a happy smile with a hint of playful mischief in his eyes. A giggle slips out of you, then you both start laughing. At what, you aren't quite sure... the situation, maybe?

Your lover crawls on top of you and cuddles you by pressing his chest to you and wrapping an arm around your waist. Your hands explore his back, lightly scraping your nails over his shoulder blades and the small of his back.

He lets out a soft but deep moan before moving to kiss you again. His fingers nestle in your hair as he softly shows you his affection with his mouth. Your hands rest on his cheeks as he centers himself on top of you, one of his hands gripping under your thigh.

"This alright, princess?" he says in a near whisper.

"Yeah..." you exhale.

"You ready?" He gives you a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah," you repeat, "I am." You give him a warm smile, cupping a hand on his face again, as if framing it to take a mental snapshot.

His next actions are incredibly gentle, but it makes everything all the more sensual. He plants a few kisses on your neck and collarbone before sitting up on his knees. His arm wraps around your thigh, holding it up in the air, as he aligns the head of his member with your entrance. The tip slides in pretty easily because of your wetness, and you can see Jimmy's breathing deepen; after that, the man moves slowly entering you, making you feel every inch of his length.

You had barely started and you're already both a mess. The pleasure is almost too much to take. Once Jimmy starts to move his hips, he leans forward once again, hovering over you on his hands and knees. You look up into his eyes, feeling his hardness moving inside you. Wanting to be closer to you, he drops down to his elbows and brings his knees up. His hands stroke some hair from your face while his hips rut into yours at a teasing pace.

After appreciating your how pretty you are, Jimmy moves his lips next to your ear and lowly says, "You feel incredible, baby. You feel so good..." He gives you a series of sloppy kisses on your jaw and earlobe.

You simply close your eyes, relax into the man on top of you, and give him an airy moan in response, "You feel good too, Jimmy."

"Mmmm, you like this pace? Or you want me to speed up?" You can feel his hot breath against your neck.

"Maybe, um, deeper?"

"Deeper, huh?" he whispers in your ear, "You wanna feel more of me?" He throws a little chuckle on the end of his question, and he readjusts by hooking a hand under your knee and pushing it up towards you for a deeper feeling while remaining close to you.

With each thrust you let out a grunt or breath of some kind, "Oooh... T-that's- Hnnng!"

"That the spot, baby girl?" Jimmy smiles to himself, happy that he's pleasing you.

A very shaky "mm-hmm" is all you can manage.

Jimmy speeds up his movements just a little, but still maintains a leisurely and romantic mood.

With a gasp, you start, "Jimmy, I- I'm-"

"Cum for me, baby," he coos, lightly sucking and nipping at a little spot on your neck.

"Fuck- Jimmy..." your climax hits you hard, making your head spin, and the only thing you can think about is the man before you, "Jimmy, I- I love you. I love you, Jimmy!"

Before you even have a moment to think about what you'd said, you hear, "I love you, too, (Y/N)," and several grunts and groans as he finds his release inside you.

Jimmy rolls off of you and trucks himself into your side. You hold the man in your arms tightly as you both come down from the high you just experienced. You turn your head to see him nuzzled into the crook of your neck, almost as if he's asleep. He cracks his eyes open at you and props himself up, putting his face close to yours.

You feel... shy for some reason as you press your lips to his, almost as if this is somehow more vulnerable than what you'd just done. You kiss each other softly, over and over, for what feels like a few minutes.

"You know, I didn't know you were close to finishing too," you tell Jimmy, trying to break some tension.

"Mm, well, I told you you felt good," he gives you a half smile, "I didn't know you loved me."

"Oh, well... It just kind of came out, but, uh, it was true. Still is." Another sweet kiss.

"You remember when I told you I couldn't wait to see you walk down that aisle? That was true too," he tells you.

You aren't sure where that came from, and it confuses you, "But... You knew I wasn't gonna get married that day."

"Yeah, but I am gonna see you walk down the aisle one day... when you marry me," he looks down and bites his lip.

You let out a flabbergasted little breath, "Jimmy..."

"C'mon, (Y/N)," he coos, "I love you. I wasn't gonna ever let you marry that other guy. Why do you think I looked into him so hard?"

"I don't understand. Why didn't you just ask me out years ago?" your question ends in a whisper.

"'Cuz I didn't realize what I had 'til I saw it in another man's arms," he tangles his fingers in your hair for another kiss, "but I'm not gonna let it get away from me this time."

• • •

Needless to say, you didn't see much of the beach or much of anyone the rest of your time in the Bahamas. You two already knew everything there was to know about another person, so you spent a lot of time exploring each other... in new ways.

So, it's bittersweet going home to Brooklyn. You'd been away a few months to let tensions between the two crime families die down. You would miss all of the alone time with your new man, but you're so happy to see your dad again.

"Thanks for driving us home from the airport, papa," you say, giving Paulie a side hug as he unlocks the door to the house not too far from the cab stand. You're greeted with hoots and hollers from Tommy, Henry and Karen, Tuddy, and a few others as you step inside. "What's this?!"

"Oh, uh, just a little surprise," Paulie chuckles, "A welcome home party for Jimmy and my girl."

Everyone starts exchanging hugs, giving you and Jimmy a proper New York welcome. As you put your arms around Henry's shoulders, you hear Karen from behind him, "OH no! I know ya not still wearin' your engagement ring," she grabs your hand and pulls you toward her to inspect the ring closer. Her voice lowers a bit, "No, this one's different. It's got pearls on it."

The room is filled with confused faces, until Jimmy takes your other hand in his, "Well, uh, we were on a little island for 2 or 3 months, pearls was all they had!"

Suddenly you're surrounded with Ooh's and Aah's and an "Attaboy Jimmy!" as it dawns on everyone that you're engaged.

"Hey, wait 'til they tell ya about how I'm gonna be a grandad!!" Paulie announces, and again the room fills with noise from everyone's surprise and congratulations. Any other family might have found it odd that you rushed into a new relationship, but this group likes keeping a closed circle, and everyone had their bets placed on you and Jimmy from day one.

Speak of the Devil, you feel his arms slip around you and a hand rests on your baby bump. He whispers in your ear, "I love you both so much. This is the way it always shoulda been."

[blackspoon99]

The Sign of Three Pt. 2

Sherlock x Female! Reader

TW: Mention of Blood and Near Death, Spoilers to Season 3!

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

You took your seat at the head table and found yourself relieved that you were sat in between Janine and Sherlock. You felt immediate guilt at that thought. Dinner was slightly tense and awkward. Possibly only for you. For the most part, you made small talk with Janine while Sherlock read over his stack of index cards. Little boughs of anxiety kept creeping in the back of your mind as you replayed Sherlock and Janine’s conversation over and over. You peeked over at Sherlock to your right and took a healthy sip of champagne. You decided you would try your best to be present. This day wasn’t about you, after all. Your attention was pulled to the center of the room when a waiter tapped a spoon against a champagne glass.

“Pray silence for the best man”

This was it. You can do it, Sherlock. You watched Sherlock rise from his seat and stiffly fasten one of the buttons on his blazer. He looked unbelievably uncomfortable. You smiled when you noticed Sherlock adjusting the flower you placed in his blazer pocket. The wedding guests applauded and waited for Sherlock to begin.

“Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends ... and ... erm ... others.” Sherlock blinked several times.

“Er ... w...” Another awkward pause. “…Also”

You looked over at John then at Molly and Greg. They wore the same concerned look on their faces.

“Telegrams” John whispered to Sherlock

“Right, uhm…” Sherlock patted the pockets of his blazer and pants then finally noticed them on the table near his place setting. “First things first. Telegrams.” He lifted up the pile and inspected the first one. “Well, they’re not actually telegrams. We just call them telegrams. I don’t know why. Wedding tradition,” Sherlock muttered quickly. “Because we don’t have enough of that already, apparently.”

You saw John narrow his eyes and turn to Mary. You nervously looked down at your hands in your lap. Sherlock read the first note.

“To Mr. and Mrs. Watson. So sorry I’m unable to be with you on your special day. Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stamford.”

“Oh, Mike,” John said, smiling.

“To John and Mary. All good wishes for your special day. With love and many big ...” Sherlock paused and suddenly looked like he had swallowed a lemon. “... big squishy cuddles, from Stella and Ted.” He looked up at the ceiling, blinking repeatedly again. You tried to suppress your laughter. “Mary – lots of love, ...” Yet another pause. “…Poppet” He finished, popping the “t” at the end. Mary snickered.

Sherlock straightened his back and took the next card. “Don’t bugger it up, Sher—” he abruptly cleared his throat and looked straight at you. You tried to hide your laughter. He’d finally gotten to the note you slipped in with the telegrams. Everyone would have heard it was actually quite a nice note if Sherlock had read the entire thing out loud. It read: Don’t bugger it up, Sherlock. Only kidding. You’re doing great. X, y/n.

“Um, special day” Sherlock threw a telegram over his shoulder. “Very special day” He then proceeded to toss each telegram straight behind him. “Love, love, love, love. Bit of a theme – you get the general gist. People are basically fond.” The wedding guests laughed, interpreting it as a joke. Sherlock looked confused, then picked up the other stack of index cards. He began to shuffle through them, clearly trying to find his place.

“Done that. ... Done that ... Done that bit ... Done that bit ... Done that bit ... Hmm ...”

You anxiously looked up at him, feeling the awkward tension in the room.

“I’m afraid, John, I can’t congratulate you.”

Your eyes snapped over to John who looked as shocked as you felt.

“All emotions, and in particular love, stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world.”

You looked around the room at all the wedding guests as some of them began to murmur. Greg and Molly had the same horrified look on their faces. Sherlock continued on.

“Today we honor the death-watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time – one feels certain – our entire species.”

You placed your head in your hands. You knew you should have made Sherlock let you read over his speech. You hadn’t wanted to make him feel nervous or like you didn’t trust him.

“But anyway ... let’s talk about John.”

“Yeah, good idea” you hissed up at Sherlock. He ignored you.

“If I burden myself with a little help-mate during my adventures, it is not out of sentiment or caprice – it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me.”

You heard Greg snort across the room. This was going south fast. You couldn’t believe Sherlock was insulting John on his wedding day. He must be spiraling. There had to be something you could do to save this. Fake an emergency, maybe? You could at least buy some time that way.

“Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favor exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. There is a certain analogy there, I feel.”

Ouch. You tried so hard not to look at Sherlock as you felt your ears burning with embarrassment. You adverted your gaze and focused on not allowing yourself to be hurt by what he’d just said.

Somehow, Sherlock continued. “And contrast is, after all, God’s own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation ... or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.”

Oh boy. Now Sherlock was going straight to insulting the vicar. The murmuring began to pick up again. You looked over at John, who was now hiding his face in his hands while Mary frowned.

“The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all-around obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet.”

You looked up at Sherlock in genuine surprise.

“I am dismissive of the virtuous ...” He looked to the vicar. “... unaware of the beautiful ...” Your heart stopped when he looked straight at you. Or maybe in your general direction? You looked over your shoulder at Janine, who was smiling. He could have just as easily been looking at her.

Sherlock finally turned to John and Mary “... and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.”

Just when you’d started to doubt him, Sherlock had surpassed all your expectations. He always managed to surprise you, every time.

“John, I am a ridiculous man ... redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But, as I’m apparently your best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually, now I can.” Sherlock turned to Mary. “Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. John, you have endured war, and injury, and tragic loss... so sorry again about that last one.” John laughed. Sherlock leaned back over to you and winked. You smiled and rolled your eyes.

“So know this: today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.”

You found yourself fighting tears. You were not alone. “What’s wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? John?” Sherlock again looked rather confused. He turned to look at you. “Did I do it wrong?”

“Oh, Sherlock,” you said quietly.

John stood up and pulled Sherlock into a hug. The crowd applauded. “I haven’t finished yet,” Sherlock said as John released him.

“Yes, I know,” said John

“So, on to some funny stories ...” Sherlock attempted to yell over the applause.

“Can you – can you wait ’til I sit down?” John asked.

“So, on to some funny stories about John,” Sherlock continued as the noise died down. “So, for funny stories, one has to look no further than John’s blog.” Sherlock pulled out his phone. “The record of our time together. We’ve tackled some strange cases, some frustrating cases, and ‘touching’ cases. But we want something ... very particular for this special day, don’t we? The Bloody Guardsman.”

You remembered this case. It was only a few weeks ago,

You, John, Mary, and Sherlock sat in the living room of Sherlock’s flat, completely surrounded by lists, items, and menus for the wedding. You’d initially been surprised at Sherlock’s dedication to wedding planning. The back wall above the couch was a perfectly organized record of everything that needed to be done in the next few weeks down to all the potential fonts for the place cards. Sherlock had even created a to-scale model of the reception venue sometime during his fits of mania. You were no psychologist, but if you were you’d say that Sherlock’s meticulous efforts were all in an attempt to force some control into a daunting situation.

John and Mary were seated at the table near the windows looking over the bridesmaids’ dress options. Sherlock stood studying the guest list on the monstrous wall of wedding planning. You were sitting in John’s chair with your legs hanging over one of the arms, flipping through catering menus.

“Need to work on your half of the church, Mary. Looking a bit thin.” Sherlock spoke from across the room.

Mary forced a smile. “Ah, orphan’s lot. Friends – that’s all I have. Lots of friends.”

You didn’t know anything about Mary’s family except that for unknown reasons, she didn’t have one. She kept her cards so close to the vest, you doubted John knew anything either. “And your friends adore you, Mary,” you said, attempting to cheer her up.

“Schedule the organ music to begin at precisely 11:48,” Sherlock spoke over you. “Sherlock,” you groaned. He didn’t turn around from the wall and continued to fiddle with the clippings.

“Or maybe 11:55, with allowed time for delays,”

“Sherlock,” you tried again. “The rehearsal’s not for another two weeks. Just calm down”

He whipped around to face you. “Calm? I am calm. I’m extremely calm.”

“Yes, I can see that,” you said sarcastically, noting the wild look in his eyes.

“Let’s get back to the reception, come on,” Mary said from across the room, diffusing the tension. “John’s cousin. Top table?”

Sherlock rose to join John and Mary at the table. “Hmm. Hates you. Can’t even bear to think about you.”

You rolled your eyes. You tossed the catering menus to the side and walked over to the table to look over Mary’s shoulder.

“Seriously?” Mary asked, shocked

“Second class post, cheap card bought at a petrol station. Look at the stamp: three attempts at licking. She’s obviously unconsciously retaining saliva.”

“Don’t worry Mary, I’ve met her and she’s the worst. Let’s stick her by the bogs,” you interjected.

“Oh yes,” Mary agreed.

“Pretending I didn’t hear that,” John said, looking down at his phone.

“Who else hates me?” Mary asked Sherlock. He turned around and handed her a handwritten list. “Oh great – thanks,” Mary said unenthusiastically.

“Priceless painting nicked. Looks interesting,” John announced. He’d been looking through inquiries for cases on the blog. It was only a little annoying that he wasn’t helping. “How about this: ‘My husband is three people’? It’s interesting. Says he has three distinct patterns of moles on his skin.”

“Identical triplets – one in half a million births. Solved it without leaving the flat. Now, serviettes.” Sherlock bent down and pulled a tray out from under the coffee table that had two different elaborately folded napkins. “Swan or Sydney Opera House?”

“Wow…” you said flatly. He’s lost it. You bit your lip in concern and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Where’d you learn to do that?!” Mary asked, impressed.

“Many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation ...”

“You’re lying, Sherlock,” you said, teasing.

“I once broke an alibi by demonstrating the exact severity of ...”

“Sherlock, out with it.” You pressed him further.

“Okay – I learned it on YouTube.”

“Well then, Sydney Opera House, please,” Mary said with a smile.

You turned away, thinking. “Hey, Mary? Can I show you what I was thinking for my bridesmaid dress?”

“Uh, sure,” She replied.

“Great!” you said and grabbed her wrist. You pulled her into the kitchen and closed the door. “Mary, we have to do the thing. Right now.”

“Are you sure, he seems okay-ish?” She said skeptically.

“Okay-ish?! Mary, he’s watching YouTube videos on napkin folding. He’s terrified.”

“Right. You’re right. Okay, you speak with Sherlock while I get John.”

You opened the doors to the living room to see Sherlock sitting on the floor, surrounded by at least 15 napkins folded in the opera house shape.

“That just sort of ... happened,” he said dropping his hands to his side.

“Did you just do that now?” John asked, finally looking up from his phone.

“Okay. John?” Mary started. “I’m about to give Beth a call, she’ll want to talk to you as well.” Mary held her phone up and gestured to the kitchen.

“Oh Beth, that’s right. We’ve been meaning to call her.” John got up and followed her.

You walked over to Sherlock and took a seat on the floor next to him. He reached under the table for more napkins, but you caught his hand and shook your head.

“I think we have enough for now. I actually need to talk to you about something, Sherlock. I’m worried about John.” He looked over at you, listening intently. You lowered your voice and inched closer. “I think all the wedding planning is getting to him. He needs to get out for a bit, I can tell.” Sherlock nodded along with you. “I can’t say anything because he won’t listen to me. He’s just going to think I’m worrying too much. Could you please find him a case, any case? For me?”  

“Yes, yes, of course. You can count on me.” Sherlock whispered. He stood up and carefully smoothed out his suit. John walked back into the room. You got up and silently joined Mary into the kitchen. A few moments later, Sherlock and John walked into the kitchen.

“Er, we’re just going to ... I need, um, Sherlock to help me choose some, er, socks.” John awkwardly fumbled over his words.

“Ties,” Sherlock interjected.

“Let’s go with socks,” Mary said.

“Could be a while,” John said. “We’ve got to make sure they match my—”

“Tie” Sherlock interrupted. John looked back at him, exasperated.

“My coat in there?” John cleared his throat. Mary nodded and John turned the corner. Sherlock leaned in and lowered his voice.

“Just going to take him out for a bit – run him.”

“Good work, Sherlock,” you said with a smile. Sherlock winked at you and walked out of the door. When they were out of sight, you turned to Mary.

“Do you fancy a drink?”

“Let’s go,” She replied.

That had been the end of your involvement in the case of the Bloody Guardsman. You had heard the rest of the story from John. Sherlock hadn’t particularly felt like sharing. Probably because he never solved it. You listened to Sherlock lay out his chosen details in his speech all the way up to Sherlock and John finding Stephen Bainbridge bleeding out in a shower in the barracks.

“Private Bainbridge had just come off guard duty. He’d stood there for hours, plenty of people watching, nothing apparently wrong. He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead from a wound in his stomach, but there was no weapon. Where did it go? Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this: a murderer who can walk through walls, a weapon that can vanish – but in all of this, there is only one element which can be said to be truly remarkable. Would anyone like to make a guess?”

You rolled your eyes. Of course, Sherlock was challenging people to solve a case on the spot that he didn’t even figure out himself. You pitied whoever he chose to humiliate.

“Scotland Yard.” Greg looked up from his drink. “Have you got a theory?” Greg stared blankly at Sherlock. “Yeah, you. You’re a detective – broadly speaking. Got a theory?”

This was going to be bad.

“Er, um, if the, uh, if the if-if-if, if the blade was, er, propelled through the, um ... grating in the air vent ... maybe a-a ballista or a – or a – or a catapult. Erm, somebody tiny could … could crawl in there.” Molly cringed. “So, yeah, we’re loo... we’re looking for a-a-a-a dwarf.”

“Brilliant,” said Sherlock

“Really?” Greg replied immediately

“No,” Sherlock said coldly. Ruthless. Greg lowered his head back into his drink. Across the room, you saw Tom whispering something into Molly’s ear.

“Hello? Who was that?” Sherlock asked and looked around the room before settling on Tom. “Tom. Got a theory?” Tom slowly stood up across the room.

Poor Tom looked uneasy. He shifted around for a bit before reluctantly giving his opinion. “Um ... attempted suicide, with a blade made of compacted blood and bone that broke after piercing his abdomen ... like a meat ... dagger.”

Molly wore a look of uncomprehending embarrassment. You looked to Sherlock. He had a look on his face that was a strange mix of smugness and disbelief. “A meat dagger.” He stated.

“Yes,” Tom said, awkwardly.

“Sit down.” Molly hissed. She reached up and yanked Tom down to his seat by his sleeve.

“No,” said Sherlock plainly. “There was one feature, and only one feature, of interest in the whole of this baffling case, and quite frankly it was the usual. John Watson: who, while I was trying to solve the murder, instead saved a life.”

You smiled at John’s proud expression. So that was the point of Sherlock’s roundabout story. It surprised you because when they’d initially came home that day, all Sherlock could focus on was how the attempted murderer did it and why he couldn’t figure it out. It was nice to see he had developed a new perspective.

“The case itself remains the most ingenious and brilliantly-planned murder – or attempted murder – I’ve ever had the pleasure to encounter; the most perfect locked-room mystery of which I am aware. However, I’m not just here to praise John – I’m also here to embarrass him, so let’s move on to some ...”

“No-no, wait, so how was it ... how was it done?” Lestrade interrupted.

Now Sherlock would have to admit he didn’t solve the case. You smirked. That’s what you get for insisting on embarrassing Greg and Tom.  

“How was what done?” Sherlock asked, attempting to deflect

“The stabbing,” Lestrade clarified.

Sherlock looked down for a moment, then reluctantly continued. “I’m afraid I don’t know. I didn’t solve that one. That’s ... It can happen sometimes. It’s very ... very disappointing.” He looked down for a moment as if contemplating then continued. “Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night.”

A/N: So sorry this is so late! I haven’t forgotten about this series, I promise! I just moved into a new apartment in college and it’s already been nuts!

taglist: @the-chaotic-cow @amoeebaa @sad-bitch-h0ur @scorpios-echos

If you want to be added to the taglist for future updates, go like the post I made earlier about it!

[icerosecrystal]

Daminette - How to Fail Being a Parent 101

(3rd Person POV)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The girl that went from having everything to nothing. At least, that’s what it felt like right now. She still had Jagged and Penny, supporting her. But her parents threw her out of the house after the believed Lila’s lies. The shiny new thing over their daughter! Her friends also thought of her as a bully. At the age of 17, Marinette had no friends and no family. But little did she know that everything was soon going to change for her.

(Edna Mode’s POV)

Enda Mode was a great designer. But, she wanted, no needed an apprentice to carry her legacy. When Jagged Stone, along with his assistant Penny and Clara, told her of their designer MDC, she was ecstatic. And her designs were beautiful. Yes, MDC had the right amount of talent to be Edna’s apprentice. All she had to was find her.

She was walking to the bakery in Paris, where Jagged said his niece would most likely be. She arrived at the bakery and opened the door walking inside. There were two people inside. She asked them, “Hello, darlings. Do you, by any chance, know where Marinette is?”

She watched as both of the people stiffened, and then the female replied, “No, we used to be her parents, but we no longer consider her a daughter!”

Edna was confused by that. As far as Jagged said, Marinette’s parents had a good relationship with her. So what changed? She then once more asked, “Do you where I might be able to find her, darlings?”

Marinette’s supposed mother grew angry, “Who cares where she is! And if you’re trying to find her. You must be one of the bad influences that Lila was talking about, so get out of our bakery!”

Edna huffed and turned on her heel, walking out of the bakery door. Once she was outside, she pulled out her phone and called Jagged. “Jagged, I tried to go to the bakery, but her parents said that they kicked her out. Or at least they implied it by saying that she was no longer their daughter.”

“What?! That’s so not rock-and-roll! Hmm, well, Marinette did buy a safe house. If I remember correctly, the address is nineteen dauphin bleu. Good luck, and let me know when you find her.”

“Sure sure, darling,” Edna replied before ending the phone call. She quickly went to the address in hopes of finding her.

(Marinette’s POV)

Marinette was not sulking! She swears she isn’t! She’s just sad that her parents didn’t believe her. And hadn’t been doing anything for the past two days other than eating and watching shitty rom-coms… Okay, maybe she was sulking. But could you blame her! Her parents believed a liar over her, plus she had shitty coping skills with Hawkmoth still around. Before Hawkmoth, she would have cried for hours on end while eating strawberry ice cream. Now, she couldn’t do that at risk of an akumatization, and she was Ladybug. Fuck Hawkmoth, fuck Lila, fuck her stupid hormones.

The doorbell then rang. Marinette dragged herself to the door, not stopping to look through the peek hole. She regretted that because once she opened the door, on the other side, she found THE EDNA MODE. Marinette jumped in surprise and started to try and fix her appearance while rambling, “Oh my god, you’re Edna Mode. I’m so sorry! I didn’t know it was going to be you at the door! Otherwise, I would have made myself more presentable! Oh my god, it’s you!!! Most consider you better than Audrey Bourgeois, Style Queen herself. It is such an honor.”

Edna cut off Marinette’s rambling with a hand to her shoulder, “Please, darling, the pleasure all mine. I’m so happy to meet the famous MDC that Jagged, Clara, and Penny have been telling me so much about.” At hearing those words, Marinette looked seconds from passing out.

Edna followed Marinette to the couch and told her, “Now, I went to your parent’s bakery, but they said that they were no longer your parents. So, I want you to tell Auntie Edna everything! Okay?”

Marinette nodded, still in shock. She quickly shook her head to clear her head and then went on to explain about Lila. “There was this girl that came to my school three years ago. She claimed that she had an amazing life. And it would have been believable if all the things that she mentioned weren’t false. For example, she said that Jagged Stone wrote a song for her when she saved his cat from an airport runway. Jagged never had a cat. Civilians aren’t allowed on airport runways. And she’s making Jagged look like a pedophile, she’s underage, and he’s an adult. If she continues claiming this, Jagged could go to jail. There are a lot more unbelievable claims that she makes. Anyways, I knew she was lying, so I tried to disprove her lies. But, she covered it up. I went to the bathroom to cool down. Lila then came inside and confronted me, saying that she would take all my friends away. I didn’t think she would do it, I mean, I had faith in my friends.” Marinette’s voice cracked, and she started sobbing.

Edna waited for Marinette to continue talking. Marinette inhaled sharply and then continued, “My friends believed her over me. They knew me so much longer. But they picked the shinier thing. They bullied me every day, and Lila told them that I was bullying her. She made them beat me up, steal, and destroy my stuff. I thought that my parents would at least support me, but no, the wish of them supporting me was too much to ask. My parents also believed Lila over their daughter. THEIR DAUGHTER!!! They raised me, loved me, and then they believe someone else over me. At first, they started neglecting me, but then Lila came over one day and told them that I had given her death threat. After that, they kicked me out. I didn’t tell anyone not to feel weak. Now, here I am.”

Marinette finished talking and cried, letting loose all of the tears she had been holding in, but she then stopped. Enda looked at Marinette and told her something that shocked the daylights out of her, “Just because your Ladybug, that doesn’t mean you can’t let loose your emotions. If you bag all of it up, you will be at a larger risk of an akumitization. But, if you let your emotions out little by little, you won’t be as subjected to an akumitization.”

Marinette started stammering out excuses, shocked that Edna had figured it out, “O-oh I’m not Ladybug, I-i’m too clumsy to be her. L-ladybug has to be someone a-amazing to do what she d-does.”

Before she could continue, Edna held up her hand, effectively shutting Marinette up. “Marinette, darling, you don’t have to lie to me. Only an idiot would not be able to figure out your Ladybug. You look so much like her. (I did watch the NY special. And they did say that the magic of the miraculous is interfering with finding the identity of the heroes. But let’s pretend that the magic isn’t interfering, and everyone is just clueless. Well, they are clueless, but more clueless if possible.) Anyways, the reason that I was seeking you out in the first place was that I wanted you to be my apprentice. Would you like that?”

Marinette nodded, unable to speak. It was like a dream come true to her. When she rejected Audrey’s offer for an internship, she still had a reason to stay in Paris. Now that she had nothing left, this was the perfect way for her to get a new start, to leave her old life behind. Plus, who in their right mind would turn down being the apprentice of Edna Mode. Not an intern, an apprentice.

Edna clapped her hands together after Marinette gave her consent for being an apprentice. “That’s great, darling. Go pack everything you need. We’re leaving tomorrow at 6:00 AM.”

Marinette nodded, “Where will we be living?”

“Gotham City, New Jersey.”

(Time skip of a year)

(Edna’s POV)

It had been a year since Edna had gone to France to seek out Marinette or MDC. Since then, they moved to Gotham City, and Marinette made a name for herself there. She was an incredibly talented and a hard worker. She worked well under pressure and took criticism well. A lot of times, Marinette’s designs would bypass even her own. It would surprise Edna, but she was proud of her little coccinelle. She wanted to adopt Marinette, but she first wanted Marinette’s approval. For all Edna knew, Marinette wouldn’t want to have a parent figure again after what happened with her parents. Even if Edna didn’t adopt Marinette, she wanted Marinette to be the heir to Mode companies.

Today, Edna was meeting up with Bruce Wayne. He wanted him and his sons to get some suits, so today was the fitting. Marinette was with another client today so, she wouldn’t be meeting them. She heard the doorbell rang. That must be them, she thought. She opened the gates for them to enter the premises. A minute later, they were knocking on the front door. She let them in. When Edna saw them, she huffed at the height of all of the Wayne boys.

She went up to Bruce and beckoned him to bend down. Once he did saw, she greeted him with a kiss to each cheek and exclaimed “, Darling, I’m so glad that could make it. It’s so nice to see you and the rest of your boys.”

Bruce cleared his throat, “It’s nice to see you too, Edna. So, are we just doing measurements today, or are you also going to give us a design for the suits?”

“Ah, Bruce dear,” Edna started, “Art takes time. Plus, my amazing new apprentice will be designing your suits.”

Dick and Jason started laughing. “Look Bruce,” Dick guffawed, “She’s pulling a Bruce.” Tim laughed along with the other two, while Damian looked to be seconds away from smiling.

Bruce sighed, rubbing his forehead, “I’m sorry about them, Edna. You would think that a grown 30-year-old man would have some respect. I swear he has the maturity of a five-year-old.”

Edna waved him off, “Ah, it’s no harm done, Bruce. Dick is also right. I fully plan to adopt my apprentice. I only need her approval before I do so. I mean, she did turn eighteen only recently.”

Bruce looked shocked at this revelation, as did his sons, who were joking, not thinking in the slightest that it could be true. The great Edna Mode had never taken in an apprentice in her life, nor would she ever think of adopting someone. It was so out of character for her. “What happened to the girl that you feel this way,” Bruce asked.

Edna sighed, “Other than being a brilliant designer, who designs could rival my own, my little coccinelle has had a hard life. There was a girl who lied about her. This girl made all of her friends bully and isolate her. The worst part was when my coccinelle’s parents believed the liar over their daughter. They threw her out. When I heard about her designing from Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale, I went to Paris to seek her out. When I went to her bakery, her parents were rude. I called and asked Jagged where she could be. He gave me her address. When I went there, she was a mess. I offered her the apprenticeship, she accepted. And a year later, here we are.”

The Wayne’s looked shocked at this. They then snapped out of it and, Edna then took their measurement and took note of any extra preferences they might have. She also asked what color they wanted for the suit jacket, shirt, and pants. Edna then asked whether they preferred a bow tie or a necktie. Finally, she asked what color they wanted the lining of their suits to be.

On their way out, Bruce asked Edna, “Would you and your apprentice like to come to the Wayne gala in return for making the suits in such short notice. Oh, and it is in two weeks.” Edna agreed and saw them out. Once they left, she sighed deeply. She then smiled to herself, thinking about Marinette’s reaction to the gala and having to design Wayne’s suits.

(Marinette’s POV)

Marinette was having a mental breakdown. WHY? Because Edna decided that having Marinette design Wayne’s suits was a good idea, as was going to Wayne Gala. So right now, Marinette was having a meltdown. And what was Edna doing? She was watching Marinette become a stuttering mess and trying to figure out how she was going to do something like this.

“Marinette, calm down! Just do your best and, you’ll figure the rest out,” Edna told her.

Marinette nodded and went to her room to start planning the designs and creating them. For almost two weeks, she worked tirelessly on end to complete the designs, and make a dress for herself. And by the day before the gala, Marinette had completed the suits. Alfred came to Edna’s manor to get them for the Waynes.

Once Alfred picked them up, Edna went to Marinette’s room and knocked. Once Marinette said to come in, Edna opened the door and walked in. Marinette looked at Edna, wondering why she was here. But, she then asked a question that Marinette so happy, “My little coccinelle, would you like it if I adopted you?”

Marinette couldn’t answer from happiness. Instead, she jumped on Edna with tears in her eyes and kept on chanting, “Yes, yes, yes!” They both sat like that until Marinette fell asleep, happy that they were now legally going to be family.

On the day of the Wayne gala, Marinette wore a burgundy dress with silver details on the upper part of the dress. She wore silver shoes that had a glass flower on the toes and a silver handbag. Marinette, also matching silver earrings and a necklace. She decided to let her hair loose into beautiful waves.

Edna wore a simple black dress with some white pearl details along with a black handbag with silver and black shoes.

They then left for the Wayne gala. Once they arrived at the Wayne gala, they spotted the Wayne’s wearing Marinette’s amazing designs.

Once the Waynes spotted Edna, they walked over in hopes of meeting her apprentice. Edna saw them coming and Marinette to them. “Boys, this is my apprentice Marinette Mode. Marinette, this is Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian.”

“Wait, so you legally adopted her?” Tim asked.

“Yes, I did, yesterday,” Edna replied.

Marinette smiled brightly at the Waynes and said, “It’s nice to meet you all. I hope that you like the suits that I made.” The Wayne’s gave their gratitude for the suits. They then all dispersed, except for Damian. He was still staring at Marinette, as Marinette was staring at him. They both started talking at the same time,

“Hi, it’s nice-”

“Hey, I rea-”

They both laughed, and Marinette said, “You go first.”

“I was going to tell you how fond I am of this suit. You did an acceptable job.”

“Thank you,” Marinette muttered, “I was going to say that it’s nice to meet you. So tell me about yourself.”

And the pair went on to talking about anything and everything together. Marinette couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. How his beautiful tan skin glistened in the light. How soft his dark, silky hair looked, and his eyes. Oh, his eyes were the best part, a perfect balance between jade and emerald green, giving it a shine, but not making it look toxic. He was so handsome. As she continues talking with him, she realized, she liked him, she wanted him to kiss her, hold her. But they had just met. Little did she know that Damian had similar thoughts running through his head.

(3rd person POV)

Damian thought that Marinette was absolutely beautiful with her silky raven hair. Her pink pouty lips along with her glistening bluebell eyes. Her fair skin was showered with little freckles that made her even prettier. Words could not describe how beautiful she was.

From an outside view, Marinette and Damian were looking like lovesick fools. Laughing, talking, never leaving each other’s side. By the end of the night, they separated with each other’s phone number, and a promise to meet again for a date.

(Time Skip of three months)

(Marinette POV)

It had been three months since the gala. The day after the gala, Damian took her to Gotham park for a nice picnic. On their second date, they went to the rooftop of one of Bruce’s buildings and watched the sunset from there. Their third date was the date where Damian asked Marinette if she would like to be his girlfriend. He took her to an expensive restaurant and after they walked on the pier. There he took out a necklace with a silver chain and “I love you for always and forever” written on it. The pendant was in the shape of a heart.  He gave it to her as he asked her to be his girlfriend. She jumped on him kissing him with so much force and passion and then pulled away, breathing out a, “Yes!”

Since then, they had been inseparable. Damian and Marinette told each other everything. Well, almost everything, she still hadn’t told Damian about being Ladybug. And Marinette knew he was also hiding something the way he would get bruises for no reason. She didn’t know what he was hiding until she stumbled across something when she was at the Manor one day.

She had gotten lost again. The Wayne Manor was huge. Marinette knew she was going to get lost, but she always had someone to help her. Marinette then heard some noises. She stumbled towards the noise. The sight that she was met with made her head throb. There in front of her were the occupants of the house. But not as the Wayes. No, they were there as the Bat-Family. The Waynes were the BAT FAMILY! Of course, she would end up falling in love with a vigilante.

Once they caught sight of her, all noises ceased. They didn’t do anything until Damian let out a feeble, “Beloved?”

Marinette turned her attention to Damian, “When were you going to tell me about this? And no, I am not mad. But you should have TOLD me. I shouldn’t have had to find out by myself.”

Damian sighed and told her, “I didn’t want to endanger your life.”

She snorted, “Yeah, like I don’t do that daily.”

“What?!” Everyone screamed at the implications that she was giving.

“Yup, I’m a hero from Paris. Tikki, Spots on!” She then transformed into Ladybug. Once Marinette transformed, she looked at the opened mouth vigilantes. “In Paris, my old partner and I protect the citizens from a guy named Hawkmoth, who preys off of people’s emotions to turn them into his minions, I’ve been fighting him for about four years now. I did send a message to the Justice League, but Green Lantern told me to stop prank calling. I’ve been fighting him by myself for two years because my old partner was harassing me.” She then went on to explain different akumitizations and went more in-depth about her powers.

“Spot off”, she said. She held her hand out and let Tikki sit in it, “This is my kwami Tikki, she is the one who lets me turn into Ladybug.” Everyone, surprisingly, took her reservations well.

By the end, Batman told her, “We would like to help you defeat Hawkmoth. We can start by uncovering who he is. We can do that by taking his voice and running it through some voice scanners until we find a match.” Marinette nodded, happy that they were getting somewhere.

She pulled up a video of Hawkmoth speaking while telling Batman, “By the way, Mom’s going to be here in ten minutes.”

They looked at her, bewildered, “What do you mean?”

She rolled her eyes and handed them her phone with the recording, “What I mean is that she knows that you are the Bat-Family. She figured it out like she figured out my identity.” They all nodded, dumbfounded that someone knew their identity.

Tim or Red Robin ran the voice through the scanners before they found a match. “Gabriel Agreste”, Marinette breathed, “I suspected him before, but he got akumatized. He must have akumatized himself to throw off suspicion.”

That’s when Edna arrived, “Did you figure out Hawkmoth’s identity”, Edna asked. Marinette nodded and pointed to the screen. Edna looked at it and scoffed, “Of course it’s Gabriel. I always knew he was a psychopath!” Marinette started laughing at Edna’s reaction and hugged her. Edna’s face softened, and she stroked Marinette’s hair lightly.

The bat family watched the scene with growing bewilderment. Damian cleared his throat, bringing the attention to him. “As much as I love to see how much my angel’s and Mode’s relationship is growing, we have more pressing matters. How are we going to catch Hawkmoth.”

Marinette thought about it before saying, “A distraction.” She turned to Edna, “Mom, you are going to set up a meeting with Gabriel and distract him. While you’re doing that, we’ll break into the house and go to his hideout. Actually”, she turned to Tim,“ Tim, could you look into the security cameras and see if there is any footage of him disappearing in some way. Or could you get a layout of the house?”

“Done and done,” Tim answered. They watched Gabriel push three specific buttons on Emile’s portrait, which Marinette took note of. They then saw him disappear underneath the ground. Tim pulled the layout of the house up. “This is the layout, based on it, we can conclude that he was going to the room beneath the house.”

Marinette nodded her head, “Okay, this is perfect. Once we sneak in there, we’ll look around, gather some evidence, and then sneak up on Gabriel and take the brooch from him.”

Everyone cheered and then left to do their own thing. Damian stopped Marinette from leaving. He pulled her to him and said in a sexy, gruff voice, “I’m glad that I know every part of you now.” He then dove for her lips, prompting a squeak from Marinette. After a few seconds, she relaxed in the kiss, pulling Damian closer by wrapping her arms around his neck. He put one hand around her waist, and the other one was in her sweet-smelling raven hair. The kiss felt amazing. His warm, soft lips against her luscious, sweet ones. Her lips tasted sweet like sugar, making Damian want to kiss her longer and harder. But, humans need to breathe. They pulled away panting heavily, faces flushed in passion. They stared into each other’s eyes for a little bit before kissing each other once more, this one being chaste rather than hot and heavy. They then let each other go and went to prepare for the demise of Hawkmoth.

The next day, they followed through with the plan. Edna first entered the house and talked loudly to Gabriel, demanding that he bring his son and Natalie to the meeting so that they can all catch up. Once the occupants of the Agreste household were out of the way, Ladybug and the Bats made their way to the picture of Emile. There they pressed the exact buttons and went underneath the house. There they found hundreds of white butterflies along with a horrifying sight. Emilie Agreste being preserved in a coffin and in what looked like to be a coma. Marinette was convinced that she could heal Emilie, went up to the coffin, and set to work. She closed her eyes and put her hands to the outside of the coffin. She then let her power flow through her body until they were at her hands. She then kept her glowing hands to the coffin until she heard a cough. She opened her eyes to find Emilie sitting up, looking around in shock, “Where’s my husband?” she asked, “Where’s Adrien?”

Marinette put her hand to Emile’s shoulder, “We’ll explain everything to you after ma'am. But, we first need to do something.” She walked over to the platform and rose herself to the upper floor, along with everyone else. She then saw Edna, Gabriel, Adrien, and Natalie already there. Everyone positioned themselves and got ready to attack. At the count of three, everyone moved. Marinette grabbed the brooch from Gabriel, Bruce grabbed the peacock brooch from Natalie, and Damian grabbed the ring from Adrien. The Agreste’s and Natalie turned to the heroes in anger, but then froze when they caught sight of Emilie.

Emilie, now understanding that her family must have done something bad, for these people to take away their miraculous, started sobbing. Marinette went up to her and comforted her while telling her everything that she missed. Edna called the police, while the Bat-Family made sure that not of the Agreste’s nor Natalie escaped.

(3rd person POV)

When the police arrived, they were surprised to find that designer Gabriel Agreste, his son, and his assistant were guilty of the terrorism in Paris. They were going to jail. Then, reporters arrived, broadcasting the defeat of Hawkmoth to the world, but then Gabriel said something that made some happy, while it froze the blood in many others, “Lila Rossi was also part of this! She was an accomplice to my schemes! Lila was trying to push Marinette Dupain-Cheng to an akumitization because I realized how powerful of an Akuma Marinette would become. So Lila went to great length to make her suffer, but then she left Paris, and I wasn’t able to akumatize her. If you should be arresting anyone else, it should be Lila Rossi!”

In her house, a liar was growing pale as the authorities banged on her door. When she didn’t open up, they kicked down the door and arrested her. Lila then let out a scream that the whole world would have heard.

When the government saw that two accomplices for Hawkmoth were in the same class from Francios Dupont Highschool, they had to school investigated. They investigated both the principal and Madame Bustier. They found out that both would take bribes and were enablers. They then investigated the students in Madame Bustier’s class. They found that the students were being sued which wasn’t that bad. But, they were being sued for slander, defamation, and more, by not only Edna Mode but also Bruce Wayne. The government looked at security cameras and found many forms of breaking and entering, abuse, bullying, and found many forms of slander online. All of the students along with the teacher and principal were going to have to serve jail time. But, it would be nowhere as long as Lila’s, Adrien’s, Natalie’s, or Gabriel’s jail time.

(Marinette POV)

Marinette was staying in the Grand Hotel when her ex-parents came knocking at her door. They were all smiles, “Marinette, now that we know that we actually raised you right, you can come home with us!”

Marinette just scowled back at them, “As much as I appreciate the offer, you aren’t my guardians anymore. Edna Mode adopted me and I am legally Marinette Mode. Have a good day!” She then slammed the door shut in their faces. She leaned her head against the door and sighed deeply.

She felt a pair of arms wrap around her and kiss her neck gently, “You going to be okay?”

Marinette turned around and smiled at him, “Yeah, I am.”

Five hours later, when Marinette turned on the news, it showed Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng going to jail. They were charged for child neglecting and abuse. Marinette shook her head, chuckling, knowing that it was Damian who did this. She inhaled deeply, oh well, all’s well that ends well.

(Time Skip of 15 years)

A thirty-three-year-old Marinette put the baby in her hands down in the crib. After everything that happened in Paris, Damian and Marinette had continued dating. Damian proposed on their one-year anniversary and the got married a year later. They now had an 11-year-old daughter named Amira Beth Wayne, a 6-year-old boy Grayson Abbas Wayne, and 1-year-old Sadiya Cathy Wayne. Marinette was now the CEO of Mode Companies, while Damian ran Wayne Enterprises along with Tim as Co-CEOs. As Marinette looked at her children she couldn’t believe that she managed to have such a good life. She felt Damian behind her so she leaned back into him. He kissed the back her head and whispered huskily in her ear, “I love you and I promise that I and the kids will be by your side. Forever and always.”

Marinette snuggled into Damian and squeezed his hand whispering, “Forever and always.”

[let-them-read-fics]

Too Late To Apologize?

Requested By @rosiesandlilies​: “I was wondering if I can request a Rosé x female reader story where Rosie is an idol who also happens to be ur wife and since she and BP are taking over the world by storm, she starts to forget about you and whenever u ask her to spend a little bit of time with you, she gets upset and fights with you. You’re also an important person but you always make time for her. Can it be angsty with fluff 🥰”

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 6,026

Warnings / Misc: -- Angst, Self Doubt, Strained Marriage / Relationship, Crying, Some Swearing, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Oooooo lord, here we go. I am feeding 👏 you 👏 all 👏 today! This one took a while to write, but I’m pretty happy with it. I wrote it all in one go, starting at like 3am (as usual lol), so forgive me if it’s a little rough. I put a lot of effort into it, though, so I hope you guys enjoy. Thank you for requesting -- Happy reading!

PS ~ I highly recommend that you listen to these songs as you read this:

You Were Good To Me -- Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler

Surrender -- Natalie Taylor

The Night We Met -- Lord Huron

I Found -- Amber Run

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Hongdae, Seoul  --  8:00 PM

“Good evening, everyone! Before I open the doors, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for taking the time out of your day to stop in. We couldn’t have done this without your support, and we’re endlessly grateful. We hope you have a wonderful experience with us tonight. Now, without further ado, welcome to La Rêverie!”

To your amusement, the sizable crowd erupts into a fit of cheers once your opening speech is over. Echoes of the joyous sounds carry across the city, wiggling their way through the alleys and streets, bouncing off of the nearby buildings. The customers slowly filter in, greeting and congratulating you on their way; you’re beyond excited to start this new journey, and seeing people so happy to be a part of it only makes you more proud.

Eventually everyone makes it inside to their seats, and you join them.

--- Later That Evening ---

“Y/N, we have a private party that would like to see you. They’re eager to meet the woman behind all of this,” Pierre smirks, quirking an eyebrow suggestively. His demeanor confuses you slightly, seeing as how this isn’t the first time high profile celebrities have requested your presence -- that’s just one of the perks of being a world renowned chef. You brush off his remark as playful banter and send him to tell them that you’ll be out soon. 

---

“...yes, actually. Y/N and I were fortunate enough to meet when she was studying in Paris; we were being trained by the same chef. We’ve been close ever since. I’m not surprised that she hired me, though; I’m practically a master in the kitchen.”

At Pierre’s cocky words, your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head. A small grin plays on your lips nonetheless, and you smooth out your top one more time before rounding the corner. 

“What’s this idiot on about now? Did he tell you about the time that he nearly got kicked out of our mentorship program for giving Anthony Bourdain the wrong dish?” You ask the table, sending them a glance while ruffling his hair as you come up behind him. They all snicker at that, and it’s his turn to roll his eyes; with an annoyed shove, he scolds you for bringing that story up again.

“Must you always tell people about that?”

Your smile widens, spreading cutely across your face. Mocking him is one of your favorite things to do. “Mhm,” you say simply, nodding your head for emphasis. He attempts to hide his embarrassment, but it only brings a deeper blush to his cheeks. 

At the VIP table, the suppressed sound of laughter carries over to you, and you’re reminded of your reason for being here in the first place. Upon offering your full attention to the table now, no longer distracted by Pierre, you’re met with 4 different pairs of eyes on you. Warm, yellow light illuminates the area, the classy overhead fixture emitting a soft glow to cast down on the guests beautifully. It’s cozy and inviting, just like you had intended it to be, and the sight makes you happy.

As you quickly scan over each of the girls, your brain pieces together where you know them from.

“My oh my, it’s Blackpink themselves. To what do I owe this honor?” All of the natural charisma that you possess takes over now, doing its best to override your nerves. It’s definitely not the time to fangirl over them; you have to act cool. One by one, you shake their hands, making sure to give each of them a glimpse of your award winning smile. 

Jennie is the first to speak up. “Yourself, of course. You’re the talk of the town, Y/N, how could we miss this?” The way that she says it so casually, already skipping past the formalities, puts you at ease. 

“Ah, you’re too kind. Was your food prepared to your liking?”

A chorus of approving noises leaves the table, successfully boosting your confidence in the process. “It was truly incredible, Y/N.” Rosé gushes, her adorable accent adding something magical to the simple phrase. For the first time tonight, your mind goes blank; ever since news broke of your plans for this new restaurant, you practiced to avoid this very thing. As you stand there floundering for a beat, she takes notice of the effect that her words have on you; it doesn’t take long for her to realize how much she loves to make you blush.

“Thank you so much. We’re so glad to have you here tonight.” 

“We’re happy to be here! Rosé hasn’t stopped talking about it for the past week.” The Australian’s eyes go wide as Lisa exposes her, and she shoots the younger girl a shocked look. Lisa only smirks at this, her shoulders rising and falling in a nonchalant shrug. Jisoo nods in confirmation, adding, “Yeah, she’s been super pumped.”

On the inside, you’re freaking out. Rosé was that excited to try out your creations? There’s no logical explanation for that one. Your own surprise is evident in your voice as you respond, “Oh really now? And why’s that?”

“I-I’ve just heard a lot of great things, you know? You’re pretty talented.” She tries to sound confident, but the stutter in her voice betrays her. The tips of her ears are burning with embarrassment, and after sending her yet another smile, you decide to spare her by changing the topic. 

“Well thank you, again. It’s truly a privilege to cook for you girls.” The conversation continues from there, effortlessly moving from subject to subject, and you love how welcome they make you feel. Occasionally you excuse yourself to check on the other guests and ensure that they’re enjoying their dinner, and every time, Rosé finds herself sorely missing your presence. Despite only officially meeting tonight, she feels like she’s known you her whole life. The two of you clicked instantly, and she can’t seem to get enough of you.

After spending the better part of 2 hours chatting and getting to know one another better, you grow bold and ask the question that’s been rolling around in your head all night. 

“Would you guys like to come back to the kitchen for a bit? I could give you some tips and we could make a couple dishes, if you want.”

Rosé nearly interrupts you from how eager she is to accept the offer. The second that you’re done asking, she’s already saying yes. The others happily agree as well, and soon you’re leading them to the back to get prepped.

_________

“Just like this, everyone. Cut thinly here,” you inform, using your knife to point to the areas in question, “...then turn it and follow through with the slices. It should come out diced, like so.” The girls observed your swift motions, peeking over at the small cubes once you’re finished. Things continue on like this for a while, and soon you’re halfway done with the veggies while they’re barely done with the first part of their batches.

“Slow down, Y/N! You’re too fast for us grandmas.” Jisoo jests, her voice bouncy with amusement. 

“Okay, okay! I’ll wait, just let me know if you need help.” Your knife comes to rest against the cutting board, and you take the opportunity to lean back against the countertop to watch them work. Your eyes trail over to Rosé, only to find her already looking at you; she tenses once she realizes she’s been caught, and she returns to her previous duties. You decide to tease her.

“Everything alright, Rosé? You seem a little distracted…” She momentarily shuts her eyes at your words, trying to refocus her thoughts and collect herself. A subtle snicker from Lisa can be heard, and Rosé delivers a quick jab to her arm. The maknae lets out a little “oww” before setting her things down to rub away the newfound soreness of her arm. 

A little later, Jennie requests some assistance, prompting you to make your way over to her. The station that she’s working at just so happens to be next to Rosé’s, and you’d be lying if you said that didn’t thrill you. 

“Do we peel this first or leave it on?” 

“Cut the ends first, then slice it in half and remove the outer layer.”

Under your watchful eye, she follows your instructions and is soon back on track. She thanks you, and you bring your hand up to give her a pat on the back. Although she feels childish for it, the action works to make Rosé the tiniest bit jealous; she wants your attention on her. 

The blonde clears her throat before speaking up. “Y/N, I need a little help, too.” Your heart jumps at her words, and you fight hard to keep yourself in check as you spin around to face her.

“Of course, Rosé.” She sighs at the way her name rolls off your tongue, and she’s completely convinced that you’ve secretly put her under some type of spell. Her thoughts of you and your mysterious ways are interrupted when you come to stand next to her, your hip lightly brushing against hers. 

“Oh, well there’s your problem: you’re holding the knife wrong. Here,” you start, reaching out to reposition her hand in a better spot. Now she’ll be able to control it better, and she won’t run the risk of cutting herself.

“Better?” You ask innocently, missing the way that she bites her lip. The close proximity of your bodies is making her head spin, and she can’t decide if she wants you to stay or go. “Yes, thank you.” She looks like she wants to say something else, but she doesn’t, so you take that as your cue to go check on the other girls. Rosé silently curses herself for missing that golden opportunity to flirt with you, but she takes solace in the fact that she catches you stealing glances her way fairly often. You feel the connection too, and she’s pleased with that -- maybe she was doing something right after all.

The next stint of the night is spent preparing and cooking the dishes you promised them while trading jokes, banter, and teasing remarks. A mini food fight also took place, but for the sake of professionalism you won’t mention that. You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.

---- 

“Goodnight girls. I hope you come by again sometime soon!” 

They all assure you that they’ll be back before you know it, and you believe them. After all, they gobbled those dishes down like they hadn’t eaten in days -- it’s safe to say that they enjoyed them.

Rosé lingers in the doorway, eyeing you as you work to clean off the counter. She doesn’t want to go; she’s loved getting to hang out with you. Contemplating her options, she decides to be brave; she tells the girls to go on ahead, that she’ll be there in a minute. 

“Rosé, did you forget something?” You ask, looking up at her as you reach forward to wipe any remaining debris off the sleek surface.

“Yeah, your number.” Somehow, she possesses all the confidence in the world now, her new demeanor completely opposite to its previously shy counterpart. 

You tilt your head at her, a dumbfounded smile parting your lips ever so slightly. “Bold, are we? Alright, I’ll bite.” You say, holding a hand out for her to give you her phone. Her eyes widen a bit -- was she not expecting you to say yes? There’s no way you could turn down a chance like this. She fumbles around in her bag until the smooth screen of her phone comes into contact with her fingers, letting her know she’s found it.

“Here you go,” she chuckles cutely, an adorable little pattern of blush rising to her cheeks again. 

After entering your number, making sure to save the contact and even take a goofy picture of yourself for it, you give it back to her. “Call me anytime, love.” Her smile spreads even farther at the pet name, and she ducks her head to hide her reddening cheeks.

As she slowly approaches the door, walking backwards, she says, “I will… love,” offering you a little awkward salute at the end of it. You giggle at her antics, and soon bid her goodnight. 

No more than 5 minutes later, your phone dings as it displays a notification from an unknown number. 

“I’m usually not that awkward 🤦‍♀️ pretty girls just make me nervous.” The message makes your heart flutter, and you quickly save her number to your contacts. 

“Really? We have yet another thing in common, then.” 

The girls watch as Rosé does a little victory dance in her seat, her movements a bit limited by the belt stretched across her body. She’s practically glowing with excitement, her fingers already firing off another reply.

________

3 Years Later -- Rome, Italy

Upon seeing Rosé saunter down the aisle, your emotions get the jump on you; before you can stop them, tears flow freely down your face, and you bring a hand up to your mouth to quiet yourself. She looks bruisingly beautiful: the natural curves of her body are accentuated by the silky material of her dress, and her shoulders are covered in lace. An angel cast down from the heavens above. 

She smiles at the audience that’s filled with your close friends and family, offering little greetings as she passes them. Once she and her father make it to the altar, he pulls you in for a big hug, a few tears escaping his eyes. After he takes a step back, he looks between the two of you with pure pride on his face, his hand resting on your shoulder. 

The song ends, signalling for the two of you to join hands and face each other, and he returns to his seat. 

“We’re gathered here today to celebrate the joyous union of Y/N L/N and Roseanne Park. Two souls destined to find their way to one another, travelling millions of miles in the process. We come together to revel in this fact and send them into their new life together with all of our support.” The officiator says into the microphone, smiling at the two of you. You can tell he loves his job, and he’s damn good at it. 

Rosé’s grip on your hand tightens as she tries to contain her tears, but you’re quick to assure her that it’s alright. “You can cry, baby.” At your words, her lip is released from between her teeth, and her tears begin to flow. You wipe them away, stepping closer to rest your forehead against hers. 

The ceremony continues on and the two of you recite the personal vows you wrote. Somehow, unbeknownst to you, there doesn’t seem to be a limit to how much you can cry in one sitting. Rosé is having the same problem, seeing as how her makeup is smudging some as the tears wash the substances away. You don’t care though, and you make it a point to remind her of that; she’s never looked more beautiful to you.

“I do.” You choke out, beaming at her as you run your thumb across her knuckles.

“I do.” She responds, impatiently bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waits for those final words from the officiator. 

“You may now kiss the bride.” 

Her lips are on yours before he even finishes the phrase, her hand resting on the back of your neck as she pulls you in closer. Your lips move with hers in perfect time, working to seal your union in the best way possible. “I love you, forever,” she whispers against your lips. 

____

Present Day, 1:17 AM

In order to spare you from the overwhelming sadness that you’re being subjected to now, your brain takes you back to those happy times from the past. When Rosé still made time for you; when she loved you. 

Even though you hate it, you still find her in everything. The bright sunshine of the early morning reminds you of all the times she would wake you up with kisses, holding you close. The songbirds outside of your window bring to mind when you’d come home to find her at the piano, alternating between striking the keys and strumming her guitar as her beautiful voice carried out across the house. 

You miss that Rosé, so, so much. The Rosé that would call you in between sessions at the studio, if only for 5 minutes. The Rosé that longed to hear your voice after a long day; who fell into your arms the second that she shuffled through the door after practice. 

As time has passed, though, she’s seemed to fade more and more from your life; missed calls and texts have become a given, and it takes everything in you to mask your sorrow. Anyone who knows you well at all can easily see through the facade: you’re now a shell of who you once were, your normally vibrant and cheery self gone. You attempt to hide your sadness behind a smile, but it never really works out; your eyes don’t shine like they used to, and your lips don’t quite tweak up at the corners in the special way they had before. 

But you’re getting ahead of yourself again. Your reason for crying tonight is simple: for the hundredth time this month, she’s cancelled your date night plans, opting to spend the time working instead. The argument that the two of you had earlier replays in your mind:

"I don't have a choice."

Except, she did. She could choose you, choose to take a break, if only for the evening. You never ask too much of her, knowing that she can't handle even more stress competing with what she already has from the company and media. Being an idol is hard enough, and you know you can never fully wrap your head around everything that's expected of her.

Though, that makes this all the more ridiculous. All you've asked for is a couple hours of her time -- for her to relax with you and get away from it all. Earlier that day you had gone to the store and picked up all the necessary materials to treat her to a little spa day, complete with bath and body oils, face masks, and even some bath bombs. 

"Asking my wife to spend an evening with me is not unreasonable, Rosé."

"I'm not having this argument again, Y/N. I get enough shit from everyone else; I don't need any extra from you."

Maybe it was something in how she said it, so final and hateful, her face coming to rest in a scowl. Her arms were crossed as she stood in front of you, and you could see the muscles in her jaw clench and release repeatedly. In some twisted way, part of you was glad to have this encounter; it hurt like hell, but at least she was paying attention to you. She hadn't looked at you for this long in a while.

Before you can even get another word out, she sighs, saying, "I don't have time for this. I have to go back to the studio." 

Just as she turns to go, you catch her wrist. With a slightly annoyed look, she turns to face you.

"If you walk out that door then I'm leaving; at least for the night. We need to talk about this, but if you don't care enough to even give me that, then…" you trail off, tilting your head slightly. You want her to apologize, to say how wrong she's been for doing all of this to you -- but she doesn't. Her expression is tired, irritation written plainly for you to see. She pulls her arm away, offering a petty, "Oh well," with a shrug before exiting the house. 

How could she be so cold? Maybe that's what hurt the most. Seeing the love of your life turn into someone completely different than who you fell for stung more than any argument ever could. The reality is that she's not the same person anymore. Accepting that would be half of the battle in and of itself. 

Your heart is betraying itself, stuck in a sticky situation: you're constantly struggling between your love for her and the respect you hold for yourself. Half of you wants to stay, to make her listen and fight for this; but the other half of you, perhaps the more rational side, knows that that won't work now. You've tried that already, you reason with yourself, racking your brain for any new way to get through to her. 

Sometimes it's like she forgets all of the sacrifices you make for the relationship. Despite having your own busy schedule to deal with, you always make time for her. So why could she never do the same for you?

It's obvious that in its current state, this relationship is only wrecking your mental health -- a testament to that is every night you've spent lying awake, sobbing into your pillow as your list of insecurities grows longer and longer. She used to be the person you'd run to when negative thoughts plagued your mind, her sweet words of love showing how much she valued you. But all of that's gone now, leaving you with a shattered heart and racing mind. When had you stopped being enough?

~~~~~~~

It’s late, well past 4AM when Rosé manages to make it home. Practice absolutely wrecked her today, leaving her body exhausted from dancing and throat sore from all the singing she had to do. She’s more than ready to collapse into bed and pass out. 

One thing that always stayed the same was your sleeping arrangement. No matter how much Rosé hurt you, you still slept in the same bed. Her subconscious was always kinder to you than she was, anyway; the two of you would cuddle in close like before, her arms wrapped around you as she slept peacefully. No arguments or yelling, you could always count on the nights to heal your heart a little bit. 

As she enters the empty bedroom, the memory of your argument from earlier that day comes flooding back. She remembers that you said you were leaving, but part of her didn't fully believe you. She should've known better -- you always keep your word. Guilt washes over her, and she gently taps her head against the wall as a sort of self-punishment for her previous actions. Why did she say that to you? The hurt look in your eyes broke her heart, but she couldn’t afford to skip practice, especially with the comeback quickly approaching. In retrospect, she should’ve just told you that she didn’t feel prepared, and that’s why this practice had been so important. Even though she doesn’t show it, you still mean the world to her. She just so happens to be her own worst enemy. 

With a heavy sigh, she makes her way to the bathroom; there she finds a cute little basket of goodies next to the tub, and a note on the counter of the sink. She approaches the basket first, quickly discovering that it holds some of her favorite self-care items from the local store. Yet again, a deep pang of guilt courses through her upon realizing that you had prepared that for her. Defeated, she picks up the note. 

Roseanne,

If you’re reading this, then I’ve already left. I don’t want you to worry, if you even still care enough to do that, so I decided to leave this letter for you. I’ll be staying with my friend for the next while. I don’t know how long, but that depends entirely on you. I’ve tried to communicate with you, but we’re getting nowhere; we both know it. We’re not who we used to be, Rosé, and I hate that. I want us to be happy again, but it seems that I can’t do that for you. If you want to end things, let me know. 

- Y/N

Rosé’s heart is breaking, splintering into a million different pieces and leaving her with no possible way to collect them all. How had she so royally fucked this up? She only has herself to blame, and she knows that; she can’t believe that she let things get like this. She had been so blinded by the stress that she lost sight of the most important thing in her life: you. It’s slowly sinking in that she very well might lose you for good this time, and she doesn’t know how to cope with that. She can survive without her career, but she knows she can’t go on without you.

-----  La Rêverie, 2 Weeks Later -----

She only intended to walk by -- to see if you were there and safe. But as she gazes through the windows, peeking into the place that houses so many of her dearest memories, she’s transfixed. Her eyes land on you, finding you hard at work in the kitchen. It’s always been where you go when you’re stressed or upset about something -- two things that Rosé knows she’s the cause of.

You’re in your element, face donning a look of pure concentration as you prepare what she assumes is a new dish. Your hair’s in a bun, a few strands coming down to fall around your face as you move about. Gravity takes its time in gently coaxing them out of the tie's hold, and Rosé’s breath hitches at how beautiful you look; it’s as if she’s falling for you all over again. She’s always admired your skills, but they hold a whole new meaning now, an unspoken tension in every movement you make. 

How had she been so selfish? You had been there for her all along, waiting patiently for the day that she would come to her senses. You would always have dinner ready -- usually one of her favorites, hoping that would spark something again -- but she always brushed you off. She never stayed long enough to see the crushed look on your face, or how the pain was becoming clearer and clearer by the day. She realizes now just how much of a toll her actions have taken on the both of you; you're still just as breathtaking as ever to her, but that special sparkle in your eye has long been eclipsed by something more dull. You're tired of being let down repeatedly, stuck in a constant loop of excuses and avoidance, and Rosé can't blame you for a second.  

The time apart hasn't been kind to her at all; there hasn't been a single day that's gone by where you haven't consumed her thoughts. She misses you so badly it hurts, and even now, despite being so close to you, separated only by the walls of the restaurant, you've never been further away. 

The distant sound of a car alarm cuts through the silence, simultaneously scaring her and drawing your attention. Before you can spot her, she ducks down; there’s no way that she can face you yet. Taking this as a sign, she decides to leave.

She’s spent the past 2 weeks attempting to spare you by not coming around; she thinks you need time away from her to deal with everything she’s put you through, and she doesn���t want to upset you anymore than she already has. Ever-torn, part of you is glad that she’s stayed away; however, another part of you just wants to see her again. You miss the nights more than you thought you would. 

--- A Few Days Later ---

Steady sheets of rain pound harshly against the window, vibrating the latches with each gust of wind. Times like these are always the worst, especially when you don’t have Rosé to calm you down. Violent thunderstorms never fail to frighten you, and this one in particular seems like it’ll be the worst one of the season. Swiftly padding over to the window, you sneak a quick peek outside, only to find the branches of the large oak tree that occupies the yard swaying in the wind with reckless abandon. The sight terrifies you, but you do your best to keep yourself from panicking, even having to do some breathing exercises. Your friend can sleep through anything, and you know she needs the rest; so, you stay in the spare bedroom that she’s so graciously allowing you to reside in, and lie awake. 

Across the city, Rosé is tossing and turning. The storm hasn’t fully reached its peak there yet, but she knows how worried you must be. Tears spring to her eyes at the thought of you huddled up under the covers, body trembling in fear as the storm rages on. The deep-rooted shame that she’s grown so accustomed to since you left plagues her conscience, making her even more disgusted with herself. 

After turning over yet again, her eyes land on the picture she has of the two of you propped up on the nightstand. It was taken on your wedding day, that stunning view of the venue paling in comparison to your beauty. A sense of determination washes over her -- determination to make you that happy again someday, in whatever way she can -- and she gets out of bed to collect a few materials. She’ll do whatever it takes.

----

The sound of a car door slamming perks your ears up, and your curiosity gets the better of you. Quickly pulling the curtain back, you’re beyond shocked to see Rosé out there, holding something in her hand. Just as you lean in closer to the window to try and see what it is, her caller ID pops up on your phone. 

“Come downstairs, please.” 

Even with the vast array of emotions coursing through you at the moment, you’re only focused on getting her inside and out of harm’s way. 

You nearly knock the door off its hinges with how quickly you snap it open. To your surprise, she’s still standing by her car, but now you can see what she was holding before; a white sign with black writing on it. The words are barely legible with how much it's raining, the dye of the marker horribly smudged, but you can make out: “I’m sorry! I’m an idiot.” It’s like something out of romantic drama.

Before you can even comment on everything that’s happening, Rosé begins the speech that she’s been trying to piece together ever since you left. 

She has to raise her voice so you can hear her over the storm. You wonder why she doesn’t just come in, but you think that maybe she’s doing it to show you that she’s willing to punish herself by standing out in the elements. “No words that I say will ever be able to fix the pain that my actions caused. You don’t deserve any of the shit I put you through, and I hate myself for being such a coward. I was too immature to look past my own struggles and just talk to you about them.” 

Now, she takes a few cautious steps towards the front door, testing the waters as she scans your face to gauge how you’re feeling. “I guess I just thought I could deal with it like I always do. But losing you showed me how wrong I was; I love you so much, Y/N. I don’t want to end things; I’ll never want that. You’re my world, baby; I’m so sorry that it took me this long to see what was right in front of me.” 

How are you to respond to that? Can you trust her? She looks more sincere in this moment than she has in a long time, and that puts you a little more at ease. Her eyes are begging -- pleading -- with you to believe her, and after a moment you step to the side, wordlessly telling her to come in. You don’t even realize that you’re crying until a few stray tears drip onto your shirt, leaving little marks in their wake. She has to restrain herself from reaching out and wiping them away; she has no idea when -- or if -- you’ll be able to forgive her. 

Soft pitter-patter of the water running off of her coat echoes lightly across the foyer, serving as white noise for the conversation you’re having. Her sniffles work in tandem with it, and she bites back her sobs in order to get the words out. 

“I know this won’t be fixed overnight, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me. I won’t blame you for a second if you can’t forgive me, either. I just couldn’t let you get away without a fight.”

With each new fresh batch of tears that settle in your eyes, you have to work twice as hard to blink them away. “I-I don’t know what to say, Rose. You’re the only person in this world capable of hurting me that badly, because you mean more to me than anyone else. But I never thought you’d treat me like that. Do you know how many times I doubted myself, thinking I did something wrong?” Your tone is bitter now, voice conveying the pain from those months of anguish that you had to endure, and Rosé hangs her head. 

“I know that now, Y/N, and I know that I can never take it back. But God, how I wish I could. I’d do anything in my power to take that pain away. It was never your fault; none of it was.”

You know she’s being honest. After seeing the opposite for so long, it’s easy to spot when she’s telling the truth. You nod a couple times, deciding to pull her in for a long-overdue hug. She’s motionless at first, not quite knowing if you want her to return it or not, but the second that you quietly say, “Hold me, Rosé,” she’s scooping you up in her arms like her life depends on it. Her head rests in the crook of your neck, and the two of you cry together, letting all of the pent up frustration and sadness leave your bodies. 

After standing there, embracing one another for who knows how long, she pulls away just enough to look into your eyes. Her gaze subtly falls to your lips, but you don’t fail to notice. “Can I?” She asks gently, raising her eyes back up to yours. “Yes.” You utter, nearly swooning as her soft lips brush against your own. You’ve missed them. 

Her chilled hands cup your cheeks with purpose, and you can feel water running off the ends of her hair and onto your chest.

She kisses you in such a poetic way: softly, as if you might break at any moment, but urgently, like a lost soldier finally returning to the arms of their lover. She wants to make you feel how sorry she is, how much she loves you, and this seems like the perfect place to start.

“I love you, jerk,” you say through your tears, brushing your thumb along her cheek as you look into her eyes.

“And I love you, angel.” She picks you up, spinning you around a couple of times before setting you back down on your feet. 

After a moment, you glace at the window. “Shhhh, wait. Do you hear that?”

She cocks her head to the side as she listens closely for any potential noise that you might be talking about, but she hears nothing. “No? I don’t hear anything…” 

“Exactly; the rain stopped.”

“Huh. I guess it did its job, then.” She smiles, silently thanking the universe for working in its wonderful ways. It brought the two of you back to one another, and neither of you can contain your happiness. Maybe you don’t hate storms as much after all...

[kpop-hive]

It Started In Italy

Osaki Shotaro x Reader, Romeo and Juliet based AU.

Warnings ⚠️: Language, Violence, Graphic Scenes, Unprotected Sex, Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Marking, Slight Praise, Slight Cockwarming, Mentions of blood, nausea, vomiting, arranged marriage and pregnancy.

I have arranged for this dialogue to be written Shakespearean language. Sorry if some of the dialogue is confusing I tried my best. 😊

Word Count: 10.4k Oops 🤭

Act I

Scene i

8:42 a.m. The sun kissed your skin as you awoke from your slumber. The white bedsheets spread across your skin smoothly as you rolled over, looking towards your bedroom door, there lay your big black suitcase packed and ready for placement in the car along with the silk dress you were ready to wear for the long flight to the Almafi Coast. You’ve always wanted to see Italy. Your father never took you and your mother with him when he went there for business. You’ve dreamt of going to Italy since you were litte, you always heard of stories about the food, clothes, structure and beautiful people. You’ve always thought about what you could find in Italy, your future, estates, love, your possibilities were endless. Now, the dream you’ve dreamt up for so long is finally coming true.

“(Y/n)! Why is my daughter still lay in her slumber!? We have to leave the house in thirty minutes and here thou are still in twilight’s clothes. Are thou not ready for Italy?” Your mother spoke. “Yes mother, has my own mother think slothfulness has been bestowed upon me? I will be ready for our departure quick and swiftly.” “Well, hurry up, thou father gets mad when thee is tardy.” Your mother says before exiting and closing the door. You sighed to yourself before getting up and headed to your bathroom for your morning routine.

You headed down to the kitchen to have some breakfast before you leave. Grabbing a bowl and some oatmeal, you pour it into the bowl, add some water, and throw it in the microwave. You went to the fridge to get some fruit to have with the oatmeal, and then your mom walked in.

“Darling, make sure thou doth not eat too much, bloating will not be accepted when there are so many young men that would adore being thou spouse.” Your mom commented. It was the dreaded marriage talk, your parents got married at a young age to secure their assets as a way to be set financially for life, and now your parents expect you to do the same. They didn’t really care about love in the relationship, it was only about partnership and favors, you hoped that if ever got to marry someone, it was because of love, regardless of money.

“Mother, dost thou not believe in mutual feelings?” You ask. “Mutual agreements are supposed to be in order dear, never feelings, thou needs to be presentable, and not fond of sloppiness. Thy image is everything, thou needs to be pure as heaven, kind and graceful, and thou will then have the perfect husband.” You rolled your eyes away from your mom, how is it that you have to be attractive to get a husband, but the marriage is not out of love at all, only lust, greed, and pride.

“Come hither my wife and daughter! We are all ready for thy departure.” Your father says. You finish up the last of your breakfast before cleaning your area, and leaving for the airport.

Scene ii

The Osaki Residence was quite different. They were filled with chaos, and humor. They lived life fully, and rarely conformed to society’s expectations. They had life long riches, but never acted as if they had it. Their life consisted of endless travel, fun and living life at full potential. In this residence, it consists of three family members as well, Mr and Mrs Osaki, and their son Shotaro.

“Shotaro, boys come forth, or we will miss thy flight!” A voice called. “Mom, we are ready, bags are together and all.” Shotaro responded. “We are fine, I thank thee, Mrs. Osaki.” Haechan said before bowing. “I’m sure we are all grateful for thee letting us come along on the trip to Italy.” Sungchan spoke. “Yeah, we are gonna have so much fun, partying, drinking, beautiful girls.” YangYang chimed in. “I know that all sounds fun, but have thou boys ever thought about settling down and finding a beautiful girl that thou would want to marry someday?” Mr. Osaki asked. The four boys all gave gagging faces. “Trust me boys, I was like thee at thou age, charming and could get many girls but remember, there’s nothing like being in love.” He said before kissing his wife’s cheek. “Now let’s go we don’t want to miss thy flight.”

Scene iii

The (L/n) family finally arrived in Italy. Almafi Coast was beautiful to say the least, and the villa that they purchased for the occasion was apart of the perfect scenery, quiet, serene, and tasteful.

“Oh! This exquisite, (Y/n), isn’t this lovely?” Your mother asked. “Yes, quite.” You spoke. You were still experiencing jet-lag, so you have answering as you went along. “(Y/n), come now, thou should go look at thou room.” Your father commented. You walked through the hallway and upstairs to get to your room at the villa, and you were astound at how beautiful the room was. It contained nude pink renaissance themed wall paper, a yellow canopy bed with gold bedding, and a large balcony that you could walk out to to see the coastline. You were honestly impressed with how well the room was put together. You definitely felt like your dad payed good money for this villa.

“(Y/n), how dost thou like thy room?” Your mom asked. “Very beautiful I thank thee, mom.” You replied. “Don’t forget, we mustn’t wait around, we have a party with thou father’s business partners and a few guests tonight to celebrate their new deals.” “Oh most certainly! I remember a few of father’s partners, Mr. Lee, Mr. Jung, Mr. Nakamoto, Mr. Huang, and Mr. Osaki.” After you mentioned that name, your mother’s reaction went from nice to brutal. “Do not speak of that scum that infiltrated our family do thou hear me!? He is not fit to be here! He has almost shunned our family’s honor, and I am glad that he will not be attending.” She exclaimed. You were awfully confused, your father and Mr. Osaki were really good business partners, you don’t know what happened, but due to the recent outburst, you thought it would be best to not bring it up again to your mother. She sighed before walking out of your room to calm down for a bit. You shrugged it off and began to get ready for the party.

Scene iv

After a long flight, the Osaki family and Haechan, YangYang, and Sungchan finally arrived. As they all were situated in their villa, the family and friends all caught up on the excitement that they all wanted for the trip.

“So, what is the one thing that thee would like to do?” Mrs. Osaki asked. “Well, there’s a pretty big coast, I do plan on going to thy dock one day and sail a little bit.” Mr. Osaki spoke. “For me, three words, girls, girls, and girls.” Haechan joked. “I definitely want to see the Sistine Chapel for sure, as well as some of Italy’s infrastructure and history.” Sungchan explained. “Are you kidding me, I came here for two things and two things only, parties and football.” YangYang smiled. The family continued to murmur on what they wanted to do until Mrs. Osaki questioned her son. “Shotaro, what about thee?” “I don’t know, I’ll go where thy wind takes me.” Shotaro shrugged. Everyone nodded. “I’m just glad we all get to spend time with each other, just my loving wife and son, his friends, and no one else that could ruin this vacation, besides I’m finally away from thy man who caused all this stress upon me.” Mr. Osaki said. “Are thou talking about Mr. (L/n) sir?” Haechan asked, but got glares from Mrs. Osaki and Shotaro causing him to look down. “Sorry.” He said. “No it’s alright, I guess I can explain what happened so thou boys could learn a life lesson from this.” Mr. Osaki spoke up. “Mr (L/n), and I were both working together on a co-partnership deal that we put a lot of money into. If we made this deal work, we were gonna make so much money that we didn’t know what to do with, luckily the plan was approved and we were all ready to go into action, but there was a flaw. In order for this plan to work we needed to leave home for a very long time, your mother just gave birth to thee Shotaro, and I didn’t want to leave her by herself so with rational thinking, I told Mr. (L/n) no, but that caused chaos. He was mad because I chose to stay with my family instead of going along with thy multi million dollar deal because I already have money, but I also have a family that loves me. He was very angry at me for backing out of thy deal because of money that he already has, and has a family so I asked, ‘what about thou family?’ He then replied ‘As long as I’m making money, they don’t have to worry about where I go.’ After that he came up with his own deal, and made even more money, he stopped talking to me after that. It made me realize that he wasn’t a friend, he was a cruel businessman who only worried about deals in life, and I’m pretty sure he’s teaching his wife and child thy same way, so boys let this be a lesson to not think about wealth and power over love, it shows how heartless thou are as a person.

“Wow.” The boys said in unison. “Yep, I don’t tell people this story, because it’s quite boring, I’ll do it for thee, because thou all are my rock.” Everyone smiled before looking at the time. “Oh! We have to get ready!” Shotaro said. “Where are thou boys going?” Mrs. Osaki asked. “There’s a beach party a miles along the coast. It said open invite, so we just decided to try it out.” Haechan replied. “Well okay, as long as there’s no trouble, then thou boys can go.” She replied. “Awesome.” YangYang said.

Scene v

The decor for the party looked nice, the food looked good, everyone was dressed in formal-casual clothes, and there were all kinds of guests, the business partners, their kids, younger mentors, and respectable people.

You walked up the stairs to your room to get something from your room when you overheard your father from the other side of the door of your parents room.

“I don’t care if they were accidentally written to attend this party, the Osaki’s are not invited! They are spineless saps who don’t care about there livelihood or reputation at all, they will just ruin this party, especially with that reckless son of theirs, he’s just like his father, they are not invited, and if anyone of the Osaki’s or their acquaintances try to attend this party, I command thee to use force at once!” Your father spoke to who you assumed was security. Your father sighed before you heard footsteps going towards the door causing you to walk downstairs quickly towards the party. You thought to yourself how are the Osaki’s that bad, not only was your mom upset, your father reiterated in the same tone, it was very confusing. As you walked around the villa, your mom stopped you in your tracks along with a gorgeous man with long hair.

“(Y/n), this is Nakamoto Yuta, Mr. Nakamoto’s son, he spoke very fondly of thee, so I brought him over to chat with thee, so thou two enjoy yourselves.” Your mother spoke making you side eye her. “Hi, I’m Yuta, it’s a pleasure to meet thee, (Y/n).” He said before shaking your hand and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss it. You have to admit, Yuta is quite handsome, long hair, soft yet seductive eyes, and a sharp jawline, you were intrigued. Maybe you could stay with him for a few minutes and get to know him.

Scene vi

On the other side of town there be another party, this one at the beach, and all kinds of fun, it nothing but young adults, sand, the sea, a bonfire, and fun. Haechan, YangYang, Sungchan, and Shotaro started having fun until they realized that almost half of the partygoers left due to the mildly cold waters, fire almost dying down, and open winds picking up.

“Damn, where’d all thy people go?” Haechan asked. “Probably indoors, it’s freezing.” Sungchan mentioned. “Yeah, and so is the water.” YangYang commented as he left the cold, dark ocean. “Thou guys wanna head back to thy villa?” Shotaro asked. “I guess, but I thought our main point of this vacation was to have fun? Going back to thy villa defeats that purpose.” Haechan shrugged. “What if instead of going back to our villa, we go to another?” YangYang suggests. “Elaborate.” Sungchan said. “I heard a few people say that thy guests of the Royal Renaissance villa is having a party tonight that started at 8:00, it’s 9:00 now, and I highly doubt that thy party would be over in an hour.” “What about security?” Shotaro mentions. “Please, with Sungchan’s legs, and YangYang’s and I’s sneakiness, we can easily get in there, I’m down.” Haechan spoke. The boys all agreed before pouring some water over the fire, threw on the shirts, and left the beach to head to the villa.

Scene vii

As the cab fare pulled up to the high class villa, the four boys were in awe, it was definitely high class due to the vintage yet modern architecture, pastel color palette, and array of organized flowers and lights along entry. The boys proceeded the villa with caution, taking in every detail and scoping out how they would get in.

“Okay, so what’s thy plan?” Sungchan asked. “I don’t know, but we need to figure it out to get in.” Shotaro replied. “Well, I hope we figure it out before that finds us.” Haechan said, referring to the tall and buff stone faced security. “I got it! Do you guys see that gate where the pool is? What if Haechan distracts thy guard in front of it away from the gate, we all climb thy gate, hide behind thy shack, and walk up thy stairs to thy party?” YangYang suggested. “Not a bad idea, but what about me, how will I get in after distracting him?” Haechan questioned. “I guess one of us will have to hide in that shed to let thee in. Sungchan and Shotaro are too tall to not be noticed so I guess it will be me. Just make sure you run faster than the security so he doesn’t see me open the gate. Is everyone down?” They all agreed to YangYang’s plan and kicked it into effect.

The plan was slightly conspicuous. The three boys hid in the bushes before Haechan began to insult the security guard making the boys chuckle. As Haechan took off running, the boys swiftly made their move. Considering that the gate could only be open by a key from security, and no key on the inside, they used Sungchan to leverage themselves up over the gate. With all the three inside, they knew they didn’t have much time before security came back.

As Sungchan and Shotaro moved upstairs towards the main door, YangYang hid in the small peach colored pool shed peeping out the window before seeing tuffs of brown hair flopping up and down quickly. He looked carefully to make sure security was nowhere near Haechan as he opened the shed and hid behind it before finally seeing Haechan near the gate. He moved to open the gate allowing him in as they could both tread heavy footsteps while running. The two boys ran at the speed of light, and hid under the stairs that led to the main door where the party was. Finally when the security got there, he looked around while catching his breath, and saw no sign of Haechan anywhere. Thinking he was gone, he got back to his job attending the gate.

The two boys tiptoed up the stairs as they saw the gold lighting inside. They opened the door quietly before ducking in. They assumed Shotaro and Sungchan were somewhere off browsing, but to their surprise, they were still waiting for their two friends and stunned at the decor of the party. Arranged table for Hors d’oeuvres, another table that set out wine glasses and champagne, and another one that had tons of gift bags for the guest. As they looked at the guests, they noticed their attire, laid back, but nice and formal wear, and then looked at themselves in their beach attire, getting a few looks from some of the guests, but to them, they didn’t care, a party was a party. “Guys, we made it.” Shotaro spoke.

Scene viii

As the night continued, the guests partied, some slightly tipsy as they stumbled upon their words. Laughter and chatter filled the villa well, many were happy, and were glad to be there, except (Y/n) who didn’t feel like talking to the handsome guy that irritated her.

“So my parents bought me a helicopter that I rode around in, it was worth $500,000, but I was with my friends, we were all wearing shiny Rolex watches, and my friend lost his off thy helicopter because it was too loose! Luckily my dad bought him another one, it was worth $60,000.” Yuta explained. “Uh huh.” You say nonchalantly. “Maybe, I could buy you one too, that is if you stay with me, maybe a pretty pink one with diamonds, hmm?” Yuta asked. “Yeah, that be great.” You shrugged. At this point, you were tired of Yuta, it was bad enough that you had to deal with your mom trying to match you up with him, but it was worse when all he would talk about was how rich him and his family was. “Hey, Yuta, do you mind if you could get me something to drink from thy table please?” “No problem.” He answered. He slowly walked towards the table, a slight arrogance to his walk. It was the perfect time to make an escape.

You hurriedly walked away from the people at the party, scurrying to the stairs trying to get away from anybody named your mom, your dad, or Yuta. As you walked fast you ran into somebody that was definitely taller and more broad than you. Hoping it wasn’t Yuta, you swore under your breath not wanting to see him. “Are thou okay?” A voice asked. Your ears perked up hearing a sweet voice that didn’t belong to Yuta, as you slowly looked up, you were struck with the most beautiful person you’ve ever met in your life.

Scene ix

“Shotaro, can we go somewhere else, this party is no fun, and thy alcohol and food are bleh.” Haechan whined. “Yeah, I agree with Haechan, everything here is so snotty and bratty, I tried talking a cute girl, and all she wanted to know was how much is my family’s worth.” YangYang replied. “If we find another place we could probably go to a club near here.” Sungchan spoke. “Looked it up, clubs aren’t near here, we have to travel to the city for clubs, we’re on an island coast remember?” Shotaro said. “Fuck.” Haechan swore, getting a few stares from random guests. “Okay well look, if thou guys want to leave that’s fine, but if we leave, we’ll have to back to the villa.” Shotaro mentioned. “That’s fine, at least the chefs could whip up some awesome Italian pizza for me.” Haechan joked. “You’re full of it Haechan.” Shotaro said as he walked into you. “Are thou okay?” He asked as he held you in his arms to keep you from falling. He took in your visible features like your height, hair, figure, and white dress. You finally looked up, and he thought he saw an angel, you were beautiful to him, had a very soft look in your eye, one that showed sweetness and caring personality, something that he has never seen in his life. The boys looked at his friend and the girl, and questioned the scene, both frozen, looking into each other’s eyes, as they held onto each other not letting go. Haechan, YangYang, and Sungchan all looked at each other and thought to themselves, did their friend find someone that infatuates him?

Act II

Scene i

Some people believed that there was a time and place for everything, others believe fate, in this case Shotaro and (Y/n) realized that their fate may be the best thing that has happened to them at this party, but what they don’t know is that there may be a catch to this lovely fate.

“Are thou okay?” Shotaro asked. “Yes I’m fine.” You replied still holding onto his grasp. You stood up a little showing your true height and form, even then you were still shorter that him by a few inches, but could finally see everything in view. His gorgeous smile, bright brown eyes, soft skin, You stared deep into his eyes, looking into the windows showed that he was kind, someone you could trust, you never saw that before, not even in your parents. “What is thou name?” He asked. “(Y/n), and thee?” “Shotaro.” You smiled. You felt warmth cascade through your body, you both were still into each other’s grasps, not wanting to let go, you felt safe, and secure, you didn’t know that a stranger could make you feel this way at all.

“We’re still linked.” Shotaro chuckled. “Well, it’s hard to remove yourself from someone who has such a hold on thee.” You smiled. “If it makes thou feel any better… I don’t want to let go of thee.” He whispered. “I don’t either.” Shotaro felt someone tap his shoulder, and sighed. He was annoyed at how someone could ruin such a beautiful moment. As he turned around, there stood his best friends ready to depart from the slow party. “Thou guys go ahead, I think I’m gonna stay here for awhile.” Shotaro spoke. “Are thou sure?” Sungchan asked. He looked back at you and smiled. “Yeah thou guys go, I’ll be fine.” He replied. They all smiled before patting his back and leaving from the exit.

“So what brings thee here to this party?” You ask. “Nothing but sheer boredom, I was ready to leave, but I found someone to make me stay.” He replies, making you smile. “I appreciate the gratitude, I guess I’ve become the life of the party?” You joke. “You definitely have.” He smiles. “How about thee? Is this a party thou wanted to come to tonight?” “Actually no, this is my parents party, they are hosting it.” You sighed and looked down. “You don’t seem happy.” He grabbed your chin with his thumb and index finger lifting it up to keep your eyes focused on him. “Why are thou upset?” He asked with sincerity in his voice. “I’m not into this whole putting up a front for guests type of thing, I want to be my own self, not someone who is thy perfect daughter. Thou are the first person I didn’t have to lie to tonight.” You said. “If this is thee true self, I wouldn’t want thee to be any other way.” He commented. You both looked into each other’s eyes, his holding a truth to every word about you being your true self. Within seconds, your lips connected. The soft skin of his lips gave you tingles, never leaving the spot you were in, you both melted into it, you felt like your feet lifted off of the ground, and were transcending towards heaven. You loved every moment. As you both pulled away, you stared into each other’s eyes, smiling wide. “Sorry for stealing such a sweet kiss.” He spoke. “Why doth thou have to be sorry, I’m not upset, my lips feel happy to graze thee so nicely.

Not long after, your name was called, and it didn’t sound pleasant. Worried you hurried up to the stairs, with Shotaro behind you, hands intertwined. “We must hurry. I think my parents are calling me.” You said worriedly. As you both huddled towards the stairs, you saw your mother in trying to look for you with Yuta in her peripheral. You ran up the stairs with Shotaro and instantly made it to your bedroom, shutting the door and locking it afterwards.

“That was close.” You huffed. Shotaro looked around your room looking at the beautiful decor. “Nice room.” He commented. “Thank thee, thou can sit if thou want.” You replied, signaling him to the bed. “Can I ask why we were running away from thou parents?” You sighed. “It’s because of a lot, my parents hosted this party, I didn’t want to be here, and now my mom found this nice, but incredibly arrogant guy for me to talk to, but I’m not into him at all.” “Arrogant? He sounds horrible already.” Shotaro comments. “Yeah he is, they only want me to date someone who has a great status to keep up with the family name. They said that marriage is only an agreement, and should be used as such.” “That’s nothing like my parents, they fell in love when they first met.” “Well, thou parents sound lovely. I think my parents only want me to succeed at wealth and family and it’s just that I’m tired of trying to be… perfect.” “…Perfect?” You and Shotaro said in sync. You stare into his eyes lovingly, before you both leaned in and kissed again. The same feeling you had downstairs coming back to you, this time with more courage and understanding. You didn’t know what to call this feeling, but from the small comment from Shotaro about his parents, you felt like it was nothing other than love. You two were so enamored by each other so infatuated, the fact that you two couldn’t get out of each other’s grasps downstairs, and now you two have been kissing for as long as you could count, it all made sense to you.

Just then, there was a knock on your door that startled you and Shotaro. You both pulled away, you groaning in annoyance, but your emotions changed when a tone in voice replaced the knocks. “(Y/n), open this door, thou mother and I need to talk with thee it’s urgent.” Your father spoke. You began to panic, you knew your father didn’t want you to have a boy in your room, even on vacation. “That’s my father he can’t know thou are here, thou has to leave!” You whispered at Shotaro. “But what about thee? I want thee with me?” He asked. “Come by tomorrow, and I’ll see thee then. There’s a stairway under my room that is an emergency exit, thou can go through there from the balcony.” You kissed him one last time hands tucked in his hair. “Goodnight, I’ll see thee again.” You said. “Thou as well, be safe, goodnight.” He says before leaving you see him climb down safely before closing the balcony doors a little to allow some air, and finally opening the door to your room.

“Hi mother, father, what brings thee here?” You ask. “(Y/n), was there any boys here who were in swim attire that attended this party?” Your father asked. “Not that I’ve seen, is something wrong?” You asked, playing it coy. “Well one, they weren’t on the list of guests, and two, one of them was the only son of our enemies thy Osaki’s. His name is Osaki Shotaro.”

Scene ii

With night in place, everyone was happy, all except (Y/n) who now found out that her lover whom she loved relentlessly, was now the son of her parents enemies.

In that moment, your heart sank, Shotaro, an enemy, you hated to think that. “(Y/n)?” Your mother asked calmly. “N-no, I haven’t seen anyone of thy sorts.” You said sadly. “Well, just in case, we’ve upped security around just so no one with thy surname ‘Osaki’ Can step foot in this villa.” Your father replied. Your mother moved closer to you grabbing your hands as your dad stared at you as well. “Sweetheart, I know thou may not know much about thy Osaki incident, but just know that they are not good people to be around, they are untrustworthy, shallow, leeches, and one decision that Mr. Osaki made years ago with thou father, almost cost us our entire source of income and could’ve tarnished our names, we have swore to this day that no one with thy name Osaki shall cross our paths and we won’t let them.” Your mom said. “And we advise thee to do the same.” Your father said, staring at you. “Is that clear?” You nodded your head, making your parents smile. “Well good, now come along, we’ve got an hour left of the party, and Yuta would like to get to know thee more.” Your mom said dragging you out of your room and downstairs.

You looked back at the balcony thinking about Shotaro and his escape, upset that your lover is now thought of as an enemy, but one thing you didn’t know was that he was still on the steps, frozen after hearing every word your parents said about him and his family, and is also in the same sudden realization that hit you moments ago that you are a (L/n), his family’s worst enemy.

Scene iii

As dawn awakens, sunlight shines through the windows, by now, the Osaki family and friends have awaken, while the (L/n)’s are still in slumber. Shotaro smiles to himself, now happy to know he’s in love regardless of the baggage that his and her family holds to each other.

“So, let me get this straight, thou fell in love with a girl who is thou enemy!?” Haechan asks Shotaro while laughing. “Dost thou knoweth when to hold his jest laugh? She was beautiful, more than thy heavens that sit above earth. Her smile brighter than thy sun, and her sweet voice could not even compare to calming birds.” Shotaro speaks, staring in a distance. “How are’t thou so radiant in a lustrous love, that he hath forgotten thy disdain of thy families?” Sungchan asked. “Why thou question my love, thus this love can not grow without pandering to thy heart, less’t be thy heart that be so drugged in her.” “Why must we gossip? If thou love her, then thou shall seek her.” YangYang spoke agreeing with Shotaro. “I, but alas, the savagery that keeps us disheartened, also keeps us discontent.” Shotaro replied. “Her father who is thy conflict has released obsequious men who come to seek me if thy enter thy chambers. I ask of my three companions, dost thou not want me to be happy, shall I stay in isolation and remain frugal? I seek of my mates to help me through my journey, and keep me satisfied day by day forever as I live.” Shotaro pleads. As the three boys elaborate with thoughts, they all agree to Shotaro’s cries for help. Within minutes, Shotaro will see to his one true love as soon as possible.

Scene iv

Throughout the day, (Y/n) is infatuated by her lover Shotaro. As sunset falls, she dreams peacefully about the boy who was kept in her room hoping to see her again, sadly, news awaits her that she doesn’t want to hear.

“(Y/n), I come with grave news for thee!” Your mother exclaimed. “And what news shall thou bestow upon me?” You ask. “Yuta, has fallen in love with thee, and would respectfully take her hand in marriage!” You looked at her with shameful eyes, how could he want to marry you after a failed conversation? “Why must thou present this news to me now? Was said man so lustrous, he be willing to give vows so easily after a talk so lackluster?” You ask. “Oh stop being dramatic! Can’t thou see how infatuated he is of thee? If he not, then why is thy man so generous with words he cannot take back?” She replied. “But why now? Why cans’t thou wait for fate to cross our paths?” You ask. “Because fate is flawed, sometimes thou works fate in one’s favor.” “But what dost Yuta possess that no other man cans’t satisfy?” You question. “Wealth and a status that won’t besmirch thy name. Why would thee want someone worthless, when thou could have good courtship with a satisfying label? Vowing to thee would be monumental to thy family name, and help with accusations thy family has been wrongly shunned for.”You looked down, you hated to have to make a choice between your family and your lover, it was hard, but it seemed like your mother already gave you your option. “Thy ceremony is in a few weeks. That gives thee time to know Yuta in a more vulnerable state.” She says then exits. You sigh before laying back in bed, a tear rolling down your cheek.

Scene v

With forced marriage in one hand and love in the other, (Y/n) is torn. Luckily, with the help of his three friends, Shotaro might make her night feel much more secure.

“What scuffle is thy friend about to get us into now?” Haechan asked. “With maximum protection, thy can’t help thy self to (Y/n)’s chambers.” Shotaro explains. “Well, what shall dost thou need for help?” Sungchan asked. “With one dauntless armed guard near the gate, thou needs to throw something unbeknownst to him to excel on, with swiftness, thou noiselessly move past thy gate and into her chambers.” Shotaro explains.

As the three friends nod in agreement, they follow with the plan. YangYang and Shotaro promiscuously throw two rocks in a different direction making the near guards run towards the sound. They all erupt from the bushes before Sungchan lifts his friend up and over the gate to meet his fair maiden. Shotaro thanks his friends before ushering towards the balcony to climb, as the other three boys quietly walk back to their villa. With Shotaro in a great state, he climbs up until he finally meets the balcony door of his lover’s room.

Scene vi

Unknown to her, Shotaro pays (Y/n) a visit like he said he would, but is sad to hear the news from his lover that fills her heart with dread.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)!” Shotaro whispers from the balcony before knocking. Hurriedly, she rushed to the door to see Shotaro, and opened the door finally seeing his brown orbs staring at her with all the love he had. He entered her room before kissing her lips with so much passion, not wanting to break away from her, but she had to in order for her to bare bad news.

“I missed thee so much.” He whispered. “Me too, but I sadly have horrid news.” You said. You could sense the worry in his body as you looked at him. You let in a huff before telling him. “My parents have arranged a marriage upon me.” Anger filled Shotaro’s body. “To whom will thou be exchanging vows with!?” He asked. “Y-Yuta.” You replied. With heavy hands, Shotaro pounded the desk behind you, rage in his eyes. You wanted to calm him down, but you were very worried about what could happen if you did.

“I have no intention to be courted by him. He is not who is here right now, only thee, I love thee.” You spoke up. Shotaro calmed down looking at you. “Thou doth not wish to be courted by him?” He asked. “No, only thee, I would gladly take thou courtship from thee. I love thee.” You repeat. He came up to you and kissed you passionately. “Then by night…and stars…take thee…and make…thee satisfied…until morn.” Shotaro said between kisses. You nodded your head before replying. “I take thee.” You whispered as he moved you to the soft and comfortable bed.

“Don’t leave…Don’t leave…Don’t leave.” He whispered as his kisses trailed down to your neck. “I’m here Shotaro, I’m here.” You moaned.

Shotaro kissed your neck softly making sure to be gentle with you, not wanting to mess this up for you. He kicked off his shoes before completely moving up onto the bed above your sprawled out body. He looked up at your state, in nothing but a silk robe almost ready for bed before he showed up. You smiled up at him wanting him to continue, his eyes fixated on your silk covered body long enough. “Please Shotaro, please.” You whined. He licked his lips, lust now clouding his thoughts more than ever. He leaned back down to place more kisses against your neck before finally giving in and marking up your soft skin. The suction was a foreign feeling, it was slightly painful, but arousing. You whined in response, making Shotaro smile against your skin, he moved away from the purple mark making sure to kiss it before moving to another part of your neck to deliver another mark near the first one and kissed it as well, he continued this action two more times before removing your robe of your shoulder to expose your collarbones to repeat the same action.

He kissed and marked them up making you sigh into his touch. Loving the way your collarbones looked covered in his marks, he pushed the right side of your robe off your shoulder to expose your right breast. He gasped at your breast, not even thinking that you two would get this far. He stared at round mound, while a small part of your nipple on your left breast peeked out of the remaining piece of the robe left on your chest. Obligated, he removed the left side as well, now your full chest on display for him. He cupped your breasts in his hand before leaning down to kiss and suck at the supple skin on your right breast leaving marks on it, while repeating the same moves to the left. His thumbs grazed over your nipples making you shudder. Finally, he took your nipple into his mouth making you whine.

He sucked the sensitive nipple eagerly, tongue rolling over the bud and flicking it up and down as you gripped his hair, playfully running your fingers through the brown locks. He moved to the other nipple to do the same actions. “Shotaro.” You moaned. You couldn’t bear it, your arousal got the best of you, you needed some sort of friction for your almost practically soaked heat. “Please go f-further.” He gave you a nod before removing his shirt showing his toned body, not making your arousal any better.

He untied the loose belt on the robe as you sat up to help him. You grabbed the robe when it was completely open, and moved it out of your way. Shotaro happy to finally have your body on full display. “So beautiful.” He groaned, his bulge now strained in his pants as he caught a glance of your soaked pussy.

He bent down to kiss the top of your thighs, not wanting to waste any time pleasing you. He kissed towards the inside of your thighs, moving your legs apart to get more access. He was now face to face with your pussy, he looked up at you to make sure it was okay. “Is this good?” He asked. “Yes, please, I need something there.” You replied. With no hesitation, Shotaro wrapped his supple lips around your clit. You threw your head back, eyes closed with pleasure going through your body. He sucked on your sensitive clit, getting you used to the feeling. Your body jolted at the immense sensation that coursed between your legs.

Continuing his movements, Shotaro trailed his tongue to your sopping entrance, licking around it teasing you before using his tongue to lick aggressively at your slit. You felt so violated, how could a tongue have so much control over you? You craved it more, your carnal instincts coming out when he pushed his tongue into your gaping hole. “Ahh, Shotaro!” You moaned. You moved your hand to his hair, while the other one laid on the sheets, bunching up the material. He pushed his tongue in and out of you, preparing you for what was about to come later on, you loved how gentle he was with you, but also liked his initiative to please you.

Shotaro removed his tongue from your entrance and moved up to suck your clit, his finger replacing his tongue from your entrance. “That feels good.” You moaned. You could feel the soft smile spread across his face in between your legs, loving the praise you gave him. He sucked harshly at your clit, trying to build up your release, he knew you were close by the way your toes curled, and your body tensing up, you didn’t even realize you’ve been grinding against his face for the past minute. “Shotaro, close!” You whined. With a groan from his voice, he was ready for your release. With the curl of his digit, and his mouth sucking your bundle of nerves, he used his tongue to claim what was his, he spelled the seven letters into your clit that sent you over the edge. ‘S,H,O,T,A,R,O’ you were his. You convulsed around his finger, his lips still doing a number on you as pleasure took over your entire body. Pants and gasps left your mouth with small whines made you sigh. Shotaro let out a smile, seeing your body go through that much pleasure. Your body sent little shockwaves as you tried to calm down, he removed his finger and mouth that were now covered in both your arousal and release. With the satisfied look on Shotaro’s face, you knew you did well.

“So beautiful.” He comments making you giggle. Not wanting to waste another minute, Shotaro unbuttons his pants to remove them, releasing some of the tension on his strained hard on. You looked at the boy who stood tall above you, nearly naked, only a piece of thin underwear stood in the way. Slowly, he removed his underwear, his length now standing at full attention, his tip leaking precum from how long it’s been confined for.

Your breath hitched as your pussy clenched around nothing staring at his impressive length. He noticed your staring before he moved back up to the bed, and kissed you again while pumping his length in his hand. He looked at you making sure you were ready as he lined himself up with your entrance. You issued him a nod before he rubbed your slit with his tip before entering in slowly.

You gave a choked sound, the pain a little overwhelming. He took in your expression that showed pain, halting his movements into you. “Does it hurt?” He asked. “A little.” You sighed. He held your waist firmly before kissing you to help take away from the pain, after every few seconds, his length inches inside of you. Finally sheathed in you, the pain subsides. “Shotaro…move.”

Shotaro began to move in and out of you slowly, moans soon taking over yours and his throats. The feeling was amazing to you, you felt so secure, and so full, you didn’t think you could feel this way. Each thrust he gave was slow and meaningful, they were also precise enough to hit you at a good angle. Your hands gripped his shoulders, for leverage, holding onto him as his thrusts went harder. Giving more pleasure between the two of you.

Shotaro’s hard thrusts we’re so good that he was able to hit a spot in you that you didn’t even know you had. “Shotaro, there!” You moaned out. Shotaro moved down to your neck hiding in it as he continued his harsh thrusts, moaning into your neck as you clenched around him. “So good (Y/n).” He moaned. You moved your legs to wrap around his torso, feeling a bundle of nerves move from your stomach to your pussy, you were close again, and Shotaro was too. His dick twitched inside of you as his thrusts became sloppy. Only moans could be heard in the room as you both chased your orgasm. Shotaro removed his hand from your waist to vigorously rub at your clit throwing you off the edge. “Let go angel.” He groaned. You released around him. A cry of his name was all that you could utter in the moment. Your pussy clenching hard on his dick making him satisfied before releasing as well. Thick spurts of cum filled you up as you both rode out your highs together giving each other one final kiss as you both began to calm down. Still fully sheathed inside of you, Shotaro flips you two over, as you now lay on top of him. With his hands wrapped around your waist, Shotaro kisses your temple before you both fall into a deep sleep.

Act III

Scene i

As the two lovers awake from their slumber, they are in peace. Tranquil sounds fill the room as they recall last nights’ endeavors.

“Good morn.” You giggle. Shotaro kisses your head and nose before responding. “Good morn, love.” You and Shotaro both cuddle each other, still tight in each other’s embraces as you and your bodies were still tangled within each other from last night.

“We’re still intertwined.” You say, your warm heat still enclosed on Shotaro’s cock. “Yes, we are, doth my love wish to remove herself?” “It depends on if thou can’t take it anymore.” You reply. “Oh, I can handle it, thou feels so warm.” He comments. “But Shotaro, thou has to leave before my mother and father find out.” You said. “Mm, give me a minute, never a morn person.” You giggle at his reply. Even though it’s only been two days, you never realized how easy it is to love a person so much, it felt amazing.

“Come on, let us take a shower to clean off thy sins of last night.” You say removing yourself from his grip and standing up completely bare. Shotaro puts his arm behind his head, and smirks. “I’d rather watch the view, thou looks gorgeous.” You roll your eyes before walking off. “If thou wants to see this, thou should get up and come to the shower.” In a flash, he scurries to the bathroom door as you turn on the shower. You both clean yourselves off, scrubbing each other’s bodies, sharing kisses in between as you hurry to get out of the shower. After a few minutes, you and Shotaro both walk out, towels covering each other’s frames, hair wet, with the same smiles plastered on each other’s faces.

“I needed that.” Shotaro commented. “Me too, now we can get dressed, and find a way to hangout today.” You reply. “I know a way.” Shotaro smirks. He began to kiss your neck, licking at the love marks he left on you last night. “Mm, Taro.” You whimpered. He couldn’t help himself, you looked good coming out of the shower with nothing but a towel on. He removed your towel and you removed his, as you were both about to take it to the bed, but you felt your heart pretty much drop at the sound of a door opening.

“(Y/n) dear, it’s time for, Ahhh!” Your mother shrieked, dropping the glass of juice on the floor. You and Shotaro completely bare, sitting on the edge of the bed was the image your mother had to endure. Frozen, you didn’t know what to think, but Shotaro did, throw on his clothes and go, he hurriedly threw on his pants as your mom stood there anger in her face. As she charged towards you, you sprung for the covers, shielding your body from the open.

“Thou wretched boy how dare thou approach our sanctum!?” Your mother exclaimed as she moved to you. Shotaro was trying to find his shirt from the floor to hurry and leave, but the situation was worse when someone who you did not want to see showed up in your peripheral. “I heard screaming what has happened, OUT!!!” Your father exclaimed, not even giving a second to check out the entire situation. Your father began to charge at Shotaro full speed, luckily Shotaro managed to quickly climb down from the balcony, his chest pounding with adrenaline.

“Don’t you dare come back, if thou do, thou will face thy fury of thee, and surely view thy fiery depths of hell for thy sin put upon thy fruit of my loins!” Your father yelled towards Shotaro. As your dad turned around, you saw how angered he was. His face flustered, veins visible with his temple, eyes seething with rage. You wanted to say something, but you were too scared to. He finally saw the glimpse of the scene in your bedroom, messy sheets, your body only covered by the sheets that lay on top of your bed, a few fixtures from the room out of place, and the discarded clothes on the floor, especially Shotaro’s shirt and underwear finally made him put two and two together, you slept with each other, now even madder than before, he wasn’t going to let bygones be bygones, he needed to get some aggression out, and the only for that to happen was to visit the people who fueled that aggression.

“As I swear by thy world today, if I don’t get my hands on that boy who take away my daughter’s purity, rage that is built up in me shall be as hot as thy wicked in hell.” He seethes before walking out.

Scene ii

Tension has arose within the (L/n) family, now with the unforseen circumstances, their entire vacation now feels like a nightmare, especially for Mr. (L/n).

In a flash, Shotaro has made it home with no questions from his family that is until they overhear a light comment from Haechan that sparks suspicions.

“Oh look who’ comes about, thy man of thy hour, how did sulking in your own love and sin feel?” In that moment, Shotaro wanted to attack Haechan quickly, but was stopped by his parents. “Love and sin? What is thy boy mumbling about?” Mrs. Osaki asked. “Isn’t it obvious honey? Our son has found love, I’m proud.” Mr. Osaki replied. “Well who’s thy beautiful girl that you spark interest with, she must be intriguing.” Mrs. Osaki said. “Quite.” Shotaro commented. “Well don’t purse thy lips together, who doth she be?” Mr. Osaki asked. Haechan, YangYang, and Sungchan all looked at Shotaro with wide eyes, waiting for his answer. “Well, she’s, her name is…” Just then three loud bangs erupted from the door, the Osaki’s and the boys confused as to what the commotion was about. As they looked around noting that they heard the same thing, the banging happened again this time louder, not wanting to anticipate any longer, Mr. Osaki went to the door before opening it, and much to his dismay, was shocked to see a person he wasn’t ready to see.

Scene iii

There stood an angry Mr. (L/n) eyes scanning Mr. Osaki. Both had despised each other deeply, and to even see each other face to face was very surprising to say the least.

“Doth thou son not knoweth of the rules of fondling with my family!?” Mr. (L/n) asked. “What are thou uttering now?” Mr. Osaki replied. “I am talking about thy sins thou son has placed upon my daughter!” Everyone in the Osaki villa looked back at Shotaro anger or shock upon their faces. “Why would thou come up with a preposterous accusation of that nature!?” Mr. Osaki questioned. “Why!? Because thou son has been seen by my and my wife’s eyes for thy matter! They have been bare together, and have laid up through the sins of lust!” “Not lust, love, it is love that binds our young hearts together.” Shotaro speaks up. “Love!? What do thou know about love!? How could my daughter even love such scum that walk!? You’re ridiculous, you’re just as incompetent as your father!” “How dare thou speak to my son! Thou has no right to speak of thy relations that spill from thou mouth, thou is a pretentious hob knob that cares about nothing in thy world but thou own’s personal gain, do not blame my son for this mess, when thou daughter could be a glorified rich earned whore!”

With that there issued a punch to Mr. Osaki’s nose, the rage and fury finally drove Mr. (L/n) to his breaking point. Mr. Osaki stumbled back, the boys and Mrs. Osaki frozen at the scene. Mr. Osaki went and lunged at Mr. (L/n), punching him across his jaw. Eventually the fight continued, both men throwing punches left and right at each other, blood and bruises gathering on their faces. Mr. (L/n) took one hit to Mr. Osaki making him fall to the ground. “I always knew thou was a weakling, couldn’t even say no to others, and now look at thee, scattered across his own floor.” Mr. (L/n) scoffed. Suddenly, Mr. Osaki stood back up and gave Mr. (L/n) a really hard punch giving him a bloody nose. “I may be a weakling, but at least I don’t put up a facade of money and status to hide mine.” Mr. (L/n) then attacked Mr. Osaki by pushing him down, now punching him multiple times at once, his knuckles were covered with blood, while Mr. Osaki grunted from the pain. The boys and Mrs. Osaki pulled Mr. (L/n) off of his body, holding him steady as Mrs. Osaki went to check on her injured husband. Sadly, the strength of the four boys was too weak to hold Mr. (L/n) and with that he punched Shotaro across his jaw. Shotaro covered his mouth making sure there was no teeth or blood involved. “Stay away from my daughter.” He threatened. Mrs. Osaki saw enough and was ready to combust, this man has interrupted their vacation and has now beat up her husband and punched her son, she was pissed. “Get out! Thou shall be banned from our place immediately, go go!” She yelled before following him and closing the door after his way out.

Scene iv

As the fight and eruptions calm down, the Osaki household has some issues to resolve. One being of how to resolve the complications that came from Mr. (L/n).

“Thou are not to speak of this matter understand!? All four of thee are to go upstairs, thou three help Shotaro, and Shotaro, thou are not to interact with that tramp ever again! Do thou understand!?” Mrs. Osaki exclaimed. The boys nodded quickly before following orders.

“That was some blow thou took!” YangYang spoke. “Can we not talk about that right now, my father was almost murdered by a psycho!” “What is thou about to do?” Sungchan asked. “Nothing. We are still here for almost two weeks, I can make up with (Y/n) before we leave, I love her, and I won’t let that crazed man stand between us. “Thou is brave.” Haechan comments.

Just then, Mr. and Mrs. Osaki barge into Shotaro’s room. “I-, I just- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? Did thou not listen to my orders when I say the (L/n)’s are bad people!?” Mr. Osaki yelled. “I’m sorry, but thou shouldn’t be mad about love, thou said it was a wonderful thing.” Shotaro replied. “Well maybe thou loves the wrong person, this time.” Mrs. Osaki said starkly. “Well at this point it doesn’t matter anymore because we are leaving right now! Pack your bags!” Mr. Osaki commanded. “W-why?” Haechan asked. “Why!? Because a foul creature has evaded my vacation home and has shunned me and my family, that’s why. Shotaro, thou will never speak to her again, and that’s final, if so, then thou should drop the name of Osaki till thou’s last days.”

At that moment, Shotaro’s heart sank how is he supposed to leave without saying goodbye, he wouldn’t do it. “No, why should I leave just because thou two hate each other!? I’d rather die a thousand deaths before leaving my one true love!” “Shotaro thou are leaving with us and that is final!” Mrs. Osaki said, putting Shotaro back in his place. He didn’t say another word, and began to pack, his friends showing worry in their eyes as Shotaro aggressively packed his bags, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I’ll miss her. I love her.” He mumbled.

Scene v

As the afternoon came along, you sat and waited for everything to settle down, not even thinking about your parents, only Shotaro and when he would come back.

You looked out your balcony. Hopefully Shotaro will come back, you had to see him again. The anticipation was driving you crazy. Everything here was very rough when your father walked out for a few hours. Your mother scolded you, explaining how wrong it was to sleep with someone they despised as well as sleeping with someone while you were engaged. She even tried to scrub the love bites that Shotaro left on you last night, it only made your skin dry and irritated with how hard she was scrubbing.

Suddenly, the door opened, hoping it was Shotaro, it was your parents, you looked at your father, his face was covered in scratches, bruises, and dried blood making you gasp. He noticed your worried expression before answering.

“It was Osaki, he did this, I confronted him about his son, and he just attacked me, I tried to fend for myself, but I was useless. He obviously hates us because of our previous issues, but now it’s worse since thou have sinned with that boy, therefore thou is forbidden to see him.” Your father spoke. “What, no thou can’t do that, I love him!” You exclaim. “Well, then I guess it won’t be hard for thee to love Yuta when thy marriage complete. It happens in three weeks, a week from when we go back home.” Your mother explained. “No, I don’t want to be married to anyone other than Shotaro!” You yell, tears welling in your eyes. “(Y/n), this marriage is binding and that is final! And if I so hear one word about that Osaki kid coming anywhere near thee again, then so help me I will make it be his last.” Your father commented. “And just so thou doth not get any ideas… she will have these doors locked shut for her well being.” Your dad said before locking the balcony doors and walking out with your mother before shutting the door and locking it as well. “No! Thou can’t do this, let me see him please!” You sob behind the door. “Goodnight my daughter.” Your parents both said in sync. You silently sob into your pillow, wanting to see Shotaro again.

Shotaro Epilogue

The Osaki’s and the boys boarded the plain swiftly, all upset that their trip had to end over petty drama. The only ones sympathetic about the situation was Haechan, YangYang, and Sungchan who have never seen their best friend so crushed before, they knew that he obviously loved you and couldn’t let go, but he had to. All the stuff that he did was for you, and he’d be willing to do it all again if it meant to see you. He clutched his heart the entire time, completely heartbroken, eyes bloodshot from how much he cried about missing you. His only regret was never kissing you goodbye. But he has also learned a pretty good life lesson, love at first sight is real, but don’t be a fool enough to fall for it. As the plane began to take off he shed one final tear before the plane left the ground. “Goodbye my love.” He whispered quietly.

(Y/n) Epilogue

You had come to find out that the Osaki’s left the night of your father’s fight with Mr. Osaki, you were crushed, how could he leave? How could Shotaro leave. What was worse was that you found out one week after they left, depressed about your lover, you were crushed. He was the one you wanted to marry, the one you wanted to start a family with, live with him together forever. Now, you sit at home getting ready for the wedding reception for today, but you were very nauseous. Throwing up left and right since last night, once you peed on the small blue stick, it made sense, no period, the vomiting, and mood swings, you were pregnant, so now, you are getting married to the wrong man, you’re pregnant, and now, your lover and father of your child has departed from you, what a way to end all that you and Shotaro have stayed together for. “(Y/n) darling, are you ready?” Your mother asked. “No, but if it makes everyone else happy, then sure.” Everyone gets happiness but you and Shotaro, the boy who you will always love.