#they didn’t test my kidneys for some reason

[jellypawss]

Kind of a stressful day with drs appointments 2hrs away being cancelled and a whole bunch of other bs but my test results were good!

[bratzforchris]

Maybe Jake webber with a poc reader ? i haven’t seen any :) 🫶🏾

Cooking

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ

Summary: In which Jake's girlfriend teaches him how to really cook

Pairing: Jake x Latina!reader

Warnings: None!

Word Count: 706

A/N: Thank you for the request! The race wasn't specified here, so I choose Latinx because I'm Hispanic :)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ

Jake was very excited for multiple reasons. One, you would be joining him for a cooking stream, and two, he would finally taste the cooking you had bragged about for so long. You two had only been dating for about three months, and he was very excited to taste your food. Jake loved trying all sorts of foods from different places, and since you were Hispanic, you had promised him you would make some of the dishes you had grown up on. 

“Hello!” he boomed, ever the loud talker. “Today I am here with my lovely girlfriend, Y/N,” Jake paused to wrap an arm around your waist and kiss you. “And she’s going to teach us how to make Arroz…con, con…Guandules?” he looked to you for approval, stumbling a bit over the Spanish words.

You giggled and kissed his cheek. “Close enough.”

“Let’s get started!” he exclaimed. 

You and Jake bustled around the kitchen for a while, getting out ingredients and setting the water for the rice to boil. You would occasionally acknowledge the chat when they asked about your relationship with Jake. Even though you were still rather new to Jake and his whole career, you loved his viewers. They were extremely kind to you and so far were so supportive of your relationship. 

“That looks like foreskin.” Jake commented as you dumped a can of kidney beans into a saucepan on the stove. 

“Oh my god, shut up,” You laughed. “We have to eat this, y’know.”

The stream exploded with laughing remarks and comments about how it wouldn’t be a Jake video with a foreskin joke. You brushed your curly hair out of your eyes and laughed again, grabbing a variety of peppers and spices. 

“Woah, babe. I’m a white man.” Jake said as you added sliced jalapenos with the seeds still attached into the beans. 

“This is the way my mom always used to make it.” You hummed fondly, kissing Jake as you stirred the food and added a variety of spices, to include cayenne pepper. 

“You’re probably gonna give me diarrhea.” he retorted, but hugged you from behind nonetheless. 

You quickly combined the rice and beans and made two plates of food, handing Jake his to show to his stream. “Ta da!”

“Well, this looks amazing and Mama Bear is hungry. Should we do a taste test?” he asked the stream. 

The chat was full of confirming remarks, both because they wanted to know how your cooking was, and because they were very eager to see Jake’s reaction after the amount of spice that had been added to the food. Being used to eating such spicy food, you really didn’t understand why everyone was freaking out, but then again, flavors and spice were a big part of Hispanic culture. 

You both shoveled a bite of your food into your mouths, chewing thoughtfully. You swallowed with a huge smile on your face, quite proud of your dish. However, when you looked over at Jake, he did not appear to be having a great time. 

“Holy fuck,” Jake panted after he painstakingly swallowed. “That’s so fucking spicy. What did you put in that?”

“You saw what I put in there.” You laughed, getting a good laugh out of his reaction. 

Jake threw open the refrigerator door and grabbed the gallon of milk, immediately taking a swig from the carton. “Oh my god.”

“It’s not that spicy!” You and the stream were laughing at his predicament. 

Finally, your boyfriend set the milk down, fanning his tongue. “My stomach is burning.”

“Poor baby,” You giggled, kissing his pouty lips. “So, did you like it?”

“It would be amazing…if it didn’t taste like I was eating out of Satan’s asshole.” Jake groaned, relishing in your touch. 

“Chat, should he take another bite?” You asked. 

“NO, he should not,” Jake picked you up and spun you around. “Thank you for the food, baby. I love you.”

The chat went absolutely wild over all your cute moments with Jake, and you knew the clips would be all over social media later, but for now, you just enjoyed the soft moment between you two and the utter love that came from sharing your culture with the man you loved.  

[hopelessrromantix]

where i've been

TLDR: Life sucks and so does the government. Half my family got hit with some pricey medical bills plus our normal rent, so donating or sharing this would be beyond appreciated.

I know you’re all thinking “Roman! You haven’t written anything in a month, what’s going on?” First, valid question. Second, dear GOD where do I start.

Let’s keep things simple. This past month has been the literal definition of hell for me. Everything started off fairly normal, until my two remaining grandparents started having frequent hospital trips. My father spent most of his time caring for them, living mostly at their house. Given that he works most in our house, he wasn’t having an easy time. He ended up developing what his doctor said was “stress tremors”, to the point that he went on disability.

Well, even after my grandparents were a bit more stable (though still on close watch)... they continued anyway. Eventually it got so bad my mother drove him to the hospital one night and what do you know, brain tumor.

Queue several days of our family wondering what the everloving fuck we’d do without my Dad. It was several days of my dear mother (note the sarcasm) trying to control everything, my brother trying to continue school, and me taking care of the house and our pets.

We got the scans back not long after and, cue sigh of relief, the tumor was benign. It still seemed to be draining the life out of my father, though. The nurses and doctors were absolutely floored because his tumor was absolutely huge but he had no headaches. Imagine a baseball in your head. Yeah, exactly. He did however stare at the wall for hours and had a hard time getting out more than a few words. It’s probably one of my most heartbreaking memories to watch the strongest person I’ve ever known reduced to a husk on a hospital bed.

Brain surgery came soon after. He made it through and is currently in recovery. He’s speaking actual sentences, though he’s still got tremors and needs a lot of help. Still, I’m just happy to have my father.

That same week, we noticed my cat acting off. We have two of them and my cat, Gallifrey, is a talkative sweetheart who’s attached to me at the hip. But he was meowing differently and acting weird and all around not normal. One vet visit later and we find out he has kidney disease and pancreatitis. He’s being treated for it (new food, possible meds, regular fluid injections, etc.), but he’s still not himself yet. Talk about my life falling apart. This on its own my family couldn’t even begin to afford. The government seems to hate disabled people and paying for numerous doctor’s visits wasn’t remotely in our paper thin budget, much less the meds and treatment.

It was a lot all at once, and not even close to what we expected. Gallifrey is only 7 and my father didn’t show the typical signs of a brain tumor. So, I guess the universe thought “Y’know, this is a perfect time to kick Roman in the fucking balls”.

Routine testosterone blood test, just monitoring… until I got a call from the doctor. Turns out I have some untreated issues that none of my previous doctors caught. In fact, the only reason she caught it was because it was so severe. According to her she was shocked I’m still up and kicking and not in the hospital for a blood transfusion. Apparently my red blood cell count and oxygen level is insanely low, and she asked me to take a Covid test (negative), so it turns out it’s a completely different issue. I’m still in the process of diagnosing it, so that was a fun little addition. With my chronic pain and my mother in denial, I sleep most of the day and am in constant pain the entire time.

I’ll be real, I’m not a fan of asking for money. It’s not something I like, but it’s something I have to do. The amount of treatment we need, my dad, Gallifrey, and me, is more than we can hope to afford on our salaries (thank you, American healthcare!). The medical process in this country is a joke.

I’m asking y’all to help me out. Sharing, donating, whatever. Everyone around me has been kind and supportive, and I'm beyond thankful for that. If you can’t donate, please send it, share it, do whatever, I'll take absolutely anything. If I’m honest? The number I’m asking still won’t cover it, but anything is helpful.

Thank you for reading this far, thank you for sharing, for donating, for being kind, for absolutely everything.

I also understand that the internet is a horrible, despicable place, so I can give any breakdowns of what the money would be used for and give any medical info (not releasing family names or locations) to provide proof. The page includes a lovely little x-ray of my father’s head so you get to see the absolute insanity. If this isn’t enough please let me know and I can link anything else needed to confirm that yes, I am actually having the worst time of my life.

All in all? Thank you.

Donate here if you can <3

[aajjks]

💜😔

TPOL!JK

“i-i’m sure i’ll feel better by tomorrow. i’m probably just sick” you say while rubbing your temples but jungkook doesn’t buy it and books an appointment anyways. for the rest of the night jungkook handles everything. he takes care of jaemin and cooks you dinner while you lay in bed and watch movies.

by the next day, jungkook is up early getting jaemin ready for your doctor’s appointment as are you. you throw on a cute blue tracksuit with uggs boots while your hair is in a messy bun because you didn’t have the energy to do it. not to mention, it’s thinning out so you may have to cut it.

jungkook takes the keys to his mercedes and drops jaemin off at his mother’s before he’s headed to the hospital for your check up. you both arrive on time and the nurse does the usual: takes your blood pressure, weighs you at a low 90 Ibs, notes your height, and when she takes your temperature it’s sitting at 105*F.

“do you mind if we draw blood, ms. l/n?” she asks and you nod your head. while she gets the needles together, she informs you to tell her what’s been going on with your health while jungkook sits and watches the whole thing.

you aren’t a big fan of needles so jungkook helps distract you by telling you to look at him and not the needle which helps because the blood drawing is over quickly.

“i’m gonna run some tests and i’ll be back okay?” the nurse says and leaves the both of you alone. you’re obviously worried and so jungkook comes up to help you calm down. his fingers thread through yours as you lean your warm head against his. he’s telling you that everything will be okay but he really isn’t sure what’s going on with you.

you’ve lost a lot of weight, you’re losing hair, the headaches, and he’s noticed the strange red blotches on your face. he doesn’t want to think the worst but he’s beginning to think it might be…

*knock* *knock*

“hello, hello. you must be l/n y/n right?” says the doctor who goes to shake both yours and jungkook’s hand. “i’m dr. fields and i see you’ve lost a lot of weight, you’re experiencing a lot of headaches, and rashes right?”

“y-yeah. i don’t know what’s going on with me. it’s all happening out of nowhere”

“mhm. do you mind if i take a look inside your mouth?”

“no”

you open your mouth as the doctor puts his gloves and uses his light to look inside your mouth for any sores which you don’t have. he checks other parts of your body to look for any swelling, specifically your feet and arms.

“so what’s going in with me?” you ask.

“well, ms. l/n, you have lupus. it’s an autoimmune disease that makes your immune system damage organs and tissue throughout your body and according to your history, your mother—“

“yeah, my mother had lupus. but-but lupus isn’t hereditary…is it?”

“it’s a 5% chance that it could be but from running tests on your blood and the symptoms you’re experiencing, it is lupus. that’s why you’re losing so much weight because hair loss, rashes, headaches, sores in the mouth, and swollen joints are symptoms of lupus. you are experiencing a flare up so i’m going to prescribe you to medications that’ll help lessen those chances and help regulate your weight”

you have lupus. the same disease that your mother was battling for years and the reason why she couldn’t bare another child after you. her flare ups would get so bad that it was considered a risk if she desired to bare another baby and now you’re sure you won’t be able to bare a child for jungkook.

“ms. l/n?”

“h-huh? i-i’m sorry”

“it’s okay. i need you to walk with me so i can do a scan on your body to make sure your liver, kidneys, heart and any other organs are okay and aren’t being affected”

what a sad, sad day.

After you’re done with the scans, he’s obviously impatiently waiting for you to come back, and as soon as you do, Jungkook takes your hand, and you both accompany the doctor.

Of course, he notices that you’re really stressed and upset with the news and of course he’s also scared but he knows lupus is life-threatening in rare cases.. and if you take your medication, you’ll be fine.

So then you are both on your way home, Jungkook wants to lift up your mood because you’re obviously really somber and he cannot blame you, but he was really really scared about. What if it was something more dangerous what would he do then?

So he turns on the music, more so your favorite album, and of course, he starts to hum along with the song, because he knows how much you adore his voice, even though he thinks he’s a very bad singer [LIES] whilst stealing a few quick gazes at your face.

And he knows what he’s going to do.

“Princess.. come on talk to me.. the doctor assured me that you are going to be fine you just need to take your medication and take care of yourself- and I’ll do that for you. I’ll take care of you…. Just… yn don’t stress I know it’s really easy for me to say but I don’t wanna lose you.”

Of course, he’s really scared to lose you, he doesn’t know what he’ll do if that actually happens, but he knows that will be the day he dies as well.

The car comes to a halt because of the signal, he takes the opportunity to ask you about lunch. You haven’t eaten anything.

You have to eat.

“Babe… tell me what do you want to eat? Let’s have lunch together you have to eat, you know that.” Jungkook sighs, “I don’t know what to say that will ease your worries, but… no matter what I’m going to love you. I just want yoi to be here with me and I just wanna live my life with you- I wanna get old with you.. so please start taking care of yourself for me.” He whispers, softly,

He knows he has to be strong for you, so you don’t lose yourself, but it’s really hard for him when he looks at your face and he sees fear in your eyes.

“listen to me. Nothings going to happen to you. We’ll get through this together, honey you’re going to get so healthy and we are both going to live a long healthy life… together with our children, you’ll see.” He laughs,

He’s not really aware about lupus and what side effects it can have but he’s going to do his research tonight, but maybe there’s some thing that you know and he doesn’t.

“Princess.. we can always postpone the wedding until you get better. I don’t wanna put any stress on you.” as much as he excited about the wedding… your health comes first.

“Come yn.. please talk to me say something.”

You’re breaking him.

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?) First off, thank you admins for taking the time to run this blog- the resources and comfort y’all provide means so much. I’m on mobile so sorry for writing a poorly formatted novel length ask lol

I have unique trauma, and I never see it discussed anywhere else so in the interest of possibly helping someone who hasn’t put the pieces together yet I wanted to talk about it.

When I was around 3, I got a UTI (im a cis woman). My doctor wanted to make sure I didn’t have kidney reflux, so they ordered a test called a VCUG. In short, what they do is put a catheter in you with no sedative/topical anesthetic, pump your bladder full of radiocontrast fluid until it literally backs up to your kidney (incredibly painful), and then you’re supposed to piss it out on the table or into a towel. I read a study (Goodman et al 1990, can send a link if y’all are interested) researching the validity of children’s testimony in court about CSA trauma (like how accurately they could remember the incident), and the “test” they used is the VCUG because it has every characteristic of a rape, but it’s a medical procedure (direct, painful genital contact and penetration with a foreign object by a stranger while a parent watches). I had it done twice in 6 month, and when my doctor ordered a third test “just to see” my mom put her foot down and said no.

It was my first memory, but for 23 years of my life I believed it was an exaggerated or false memory because it seemed cartoonishly traumatic and I didn’t believe it was a real medical procedure. I thought that it was just an ultrasound and because I was so young and scared I constructed that memory. But it WAS real. I found my medical record and put the pieces together myself as an adult. my first memory is of strangers undressing me, touching me, my mother helping the nurses restrain me, them “taking photos” of me with ultrasound and X-ray equipment, being denied autonomy over my own body and being treated like a science experiment. My entire life, I’ve been so confused, not knowing why I can’t set boundaries or have normal relationships, or why I gravitate towards people who have severe trauma, and why I understood how they felt. I always felt guilty because I didn’t have a “story” like they did. I believed I was just Incredibly Fucked Up For No Reason because I grew up in a stable home (for the most part), and I felt like I didn’t “deserve” to have those feelings because I didn’t think anything happened to me. But it did, and it /severely/ traumatized me. Because it’s my first memory, it’s a cornerstone of my personality, for better or for worse.

So my question is- now that I know what happened, how do I cope with feeling like a victim if there is no true perpetrator? There is no face attached to my trauma, nobody to blame. I was a toddler, the doctors and nurses were just doing their job, and if my mom didn’t follow their advice she’d be accused of medically neglecting her child. I guess I can be mad at the for profit medical system and the fact that doctors are financially incentivized to order those tests, but I feel like I can’t get complete closure from that. I want to tell some of my friends who have opened up to me about their own csa trauma, but I feel inadequate. Like on one hand, I didn’t get raped. It wasn’t like a family member I trusted was coming into my room every night. But on the other hand, it’s more extreme in a way? Like a medical bdsm gang rape while my mom watched. It’s dehumanizing in a different way because I wasn’t even seen as an object of attraction, I was like a lab rat. I have all of the same problems, the disassociation, the identity issues, the sexual problems, addiction, and self harm in the form of an eating disorder. I know that its not fair or healthy to compare my trauma to anyone else’s, but I’m just anxious about the reaction I might get from my friends whose experiences were more “textbook” abuse. So I’m kinda testing the waters here, if y’all have any advice for me I’d appreciate it.

This is more of a confession than a question, but I also have a memory gap from ages 7-9, and my therapist thinks something else was happening because losing two entire years like that is Not Normal. I can’t even recognize myself in photos from that time period. It’s a pretty disturbing feeling. I was already showing hypersexual behavior around 6- is it bad to hope that I do find out someone hurt me, so I can have a face to my trauma? So that I can find someone to blame other than myself and externalize the pain?

thank you again for reading my novel again I’m so sorry for the formatting 💕

Hello,

I think it could be good to understand it as a medical trauma along with sexual aspects. It sounds like you had a doctor who didn't know what he was doing or had incentives to put you through unnecessary testing which could count as medical malpractice.

Medical trauma rather from necessary procedures or unnecessary is something that feels like a violation of bodily integrity. Because you are having things in your body that are not a part of you. It's not gang rape, but it is a group of people treating you not like a person and putting your body through extreme physical and emotional stress. That is extremely traumatic and will have huge effects on anyone, especially children.

I personally have gone through a lot of medical trauma along with my CSA and psychological abuse. I have nightmares, body memories and flashbacks to medical events.

You are not alone in having gone through rare medical procedures and experiencing medical trauma from them. It might feel like you have extremely unique trauma, but other people have experienced rare medical procedures that caused trauma reactions or feel like sexual assault. Many tests and medical equipment go into the body (all kinds of feeding tubes, ostomy bags, catheters, tracheal tubes etc) and can feel like our bodily integrity has been broken.

Even if there isn't one huge perpetrator because the people were doing their job, that doesn't make you to blame for what you are going through. You can blame the doctor I suppose for ordering a test you didn't need, but you can also blame no one. No one had to be "evil" for the trauma to be real. Medica trauma is extremely real and no one is always in the wrong, it's just extreme stress on the brain so you experience trauma being held in the body.

I think when you get thoughts about your trauma not being valid because there is not one perpetrator, try and counter that thought. Maybe something like medical trauma is real, and so are my feelings. You can also practice journaling or making art about your trauma as this will help externalize your story and organize thoughts and emotions.

Many coping skills and trauma processing therapies (examples: somatic experiencing or EMDR) that work for CSA will also work for you. There are nuances to every trauma type but many skills overlap. [Resources-Info & Coping Skills]

Your trauma is valid, important and discerning to be heard and respected. Because you were put through something that hurt you and that's important. You are important and so is your story.

I wouldn't tell your friends your trauma is worse, as I don't think it is going to go over well with them I would also say knowing your abuser found you sexy isn't a protective factor against becoming traumatized.

I think telling your friends could be good, maybe don't frame it as "I experienced the same thing you did" or "I went through some more unique so it's worse" but instead frame it closer to "I experienced extreme medical trauma that had similar effects to sexual trauma. I could use some support in dealing with it." I think that framing will get you the best outcomes. Because you deserve to have the way it affected your sexuality respected, but framing your abuse in competition with there's might cause bad results.

Wanting our abuse to look like what trauma is generally shaped as, looking for a perpetrator or wanting the trauma to be "worse" is all totally normal. You are not a bad person. Also please be careful with recovering memories trying to force it can hurt.

I hope some of this helps,

-Admin 1

[batbirdies]

Just have to take a moment for appreciation and shout to the world that I love my vet so much.

If you feel like reading a long boring personal story about my cats it’s under the cut lol

I had such a bad experience at the last place I went. Mochi was not eating and sleeping all the time and obviously was unwell so I took her in. They ran some blood tests and gave her an anti nausea injection. I took her home and she seemed to perk up quickly and was back to her normal self and feeling obviously better within 48 hours.

Great! Or so I thought. I went about life after that assuming the tests came back normal since Mochi was acting back to herself again and I didn’t think anything of not hearing from the vet.

I ended up discovering an email they sent me like two weeks late (like a full month after the appointment) saying they had tried to call me multiple times and that mochis blood tests came back with some concerning results they wanted to discuss with me. Cue me panicking and calling back, not having received any of their calls or messages because they hadn’t updated my contact information like I had asked previously and had been calling my old phone number.

I’m told the vet is busy but will call me again on her break that afternoon. I get no call. I call the next day and am told she’s not in the office but will call me the next day. I get no call. I call again and am told she’ll call me that afternoon. I get no call. I call again and finally someone tells me that her blood results showed low kidney function and the vet was worried she might have polycystic kidney disease which is fatal!! I’m then even more panicked and upset, I drive home from work crying. I finally FINALLY get to talk to the actual vet the next day and I tell her the reason I didn’t get their messages and why I didn’t get back to them. I tell them that Mochi was acting normal again so I didn’t think anything was wrong!!

On hearing this she changes her tune and says kidney disease is unlikely since she wouldn’t bounce back like that. But I take her back in to realest the tests and everything comes back normal. I’ve spent like $700 on this one incident at this point, not to mention my extreme distress. But phew, ok things are fine, she was probably just temporarily sick and it caused her kidneys to work really hard for a short period and now she’s better.

Move on with my life.

Even longer story I won’t get into but I had for a period fostered a cat I named Bento that had serious sinus problems. I assumed it was a bad sinus infection since it developed right after I got him and can be caused by stress and he’d just spent three days on a truck driving up here. So I took him there, they gave him antibiotics. They didn’t seem to help. I took him back, they gave him a different antibiotic. It cleared up mostly but not all the way. I called them, they told me the vet would call me back. She didn’t, some vet tech did and told me he probably had feline herpes and they could prescribe me a long term medication for him. That was all I got. No further investigation, no more tests. When I asked if they could test him for herpes they told me no, the test was unreliable.

Bento didn’t end up staying with me long term but the experience was aggravating, they were unhelpful and uncommunicative.

So fast forward. I got a kitten, Miso, who was having chronic diarrhea. I didn’t want to take her back to the old place but hardly any vets even accept new patients in this area so I did all this online research finally found this place and called them. They are not close, at least a 30 min drive, but Super helpful on the phone and had appointments available within a week!

They were so helpful and nice and gave me diff options. I tried to fill her medication at the local place (same place I didn’t like) and there was so much confusion over it and I ended up being told they would need to see Miso themselves in order to fill her prescription, so no way, I made the drive back and picked up her meds there. Made a follow up appointment for misos vaccinations and brought a poop sample with me after she’d gone through the meds. The vet was so helpful and asked about all of her previous issues.

Then today They just called me after I got Mochi home to check in and tell me they already looked at the skin sample they took and update me. And they talked to me about her medical history while I was there and already seemed to know some of it so I know the doctor actually looked at the records the other vet sent over. I just am so happy I found this place 😂😭 good vets are so hard to find and they are even relatively affordable in comparison to a lot of local places. (Cheaper than the other vet I didn’t like)

(For reference Mochi is fine but she had a bad reaction to a short stint of fleas and has been scratching up a storm and got a little bald spot on her neck, so they gave me a steroid cream)

I also just got miso spayed there and she is doing so well, her stitches look great and she didn’t have nearly the reaction that Mochi had after hers 🥲 I know that can be subjective to each kitty and their reaction to anesthesia but I just don’t trust that other vet anymore lmao.

I left the new place a google review yesterday because they deserve it lol

[thekimspoblog]

Sheepdog: "Elevator"

Kim continues to doggedly drag herself across the hallway of the courthouse. The elevator is still several yards away, and other people in suits have already packed themselves into it. Just as the doors close and the music begins to fade out, Howard’s voice pierces through the commotion like nails on a chalkboard.

“Kim! Kim! Aha! Was almost worried I wouldn’t catch up to you”

Our heroine just nods, counting the seconds that this exchange has to drag on.

Howard continues, “Wow… Look at you!”

“Look at me…” she parrots, praying the sarcasm is hamfisted enough that he’ll take a goddamn hint.

“It’s just… I had no idea!” the pompous little prince apologized.

“It’s a funny story. Neither did I!” replied Kim.

“How… How do you feel?”

“My back hurts, my boobs hurt, my feet hurt, nausea, dizziness, fatigue. All the hits; all the classics. Truth be told, I feel more beaten up than when I wrecked my car. Then again, they gave me Percocet when I wrecked my car…”

“Well you look great,” Howard had to push it, “You’re glowing”

“Wish I could return the compliment, Howard. But really, you look like hell. I mean you’ve always kind of looked like a wax mannequin, but lately it’s like you’re melting under the lights!”

“How’s the solo practice working out? No offense, but oftentimes even if pro-bono work can be spiritually validating, financially it can feel like a fisherman who’s limited themself to minnows”

“Well, that’s one reason we didn’t spring for a big ceremony” Kim responded through a gritted smile, “But I’ve found my own ways to still put bread on the table. Bootstraps and elbow grease and long nights, and all that”

“You know, I know how difficult it can be to quit smoking. Believe me, it took multiple tries myself. But I was recently reading yet another medical journal emphasizing the harm cigarettes and other tobacco products can do to an unborn child. You have no idea the stress it puts…”

This was a good point for Kim to cut him off, “Howard, are we friends?”

“What do you mean?”

“Because if we were friends, this level of concern would be very touching,” her eyes widened, “But if we’re not friends, this exchange could be interpreted as intrusive, and condescending, and overbearing, and… annoying”

“Well…” Howard’s face broke into a deep frown, “Chuck’s gone… If you and I aren’t friends… I guess I don’t have any friends…”

The elevator finally returned to the ground floor.

“Congratulations, either way…” Howard shrugged, sounding wistful, “Give Jimmy my best”

Kim lugged her heavy briefcase into the compartment and turned around. “This conversation was a treat. I’ll tell you everything, how about next Thursday? We can go over it over tequila shots!”

The doors closed before that life-sized Ken doll could get another word in edgewise.

________

At around 9:45 pm, over 13 hours and several scenes later:

Wexler-McGill are engaged in some blandly cute preoccupation; lavender swaying in the breeze, warm milk, and reveries, all that jazz, when the landline rings…

“Hello?” Jimmy answers, “Oh hey, Ernie! Long time, no talk. I'm going to put you on speakerphone”

“Hey Jimmy… Did Howard ever visit Alamogordo? Trinity Test Site? Was he ever anywhere near White Sands? You and Kim knew him longer than I did”

“Trinity?! Um, no. He never mentioned anything like that. Can you really imagine him mucking around in the desert in his Bontonis?”

“I just didn’t know who else to talk to,” sighed Ernie, “I’ve still got friends at HHM, and they’re all kind of panicking, because they know they’ve basically lost their jobs. But it’s all just so weird! The examiner keeps asking me questions, and nobody here knew him well enough to have any answers”

“Ernie, what are you talking about?” Jimmy tried to interrupt.

“At first, it seemed like a heart attack, or maybe the flu. He was in a cold sweat when he collapsed. Then, early test results were saying kidney cancer, and it went undiagnosed? But apparently - they can’t explain it - the body’s radioactive. Like he walked too close to a power plant. Or he picked up a piece of radioactive glass, or something? His hair was falling out; now the doctors are saying it was radiation poisoning”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down. You’re saying Howard is sick? He’s in the hospital?”

“I’m sorry!” Ernie stammered, “I assumed you’d already heard… Howard’s dead”

“That’s impossible. Kim talked to him this morning”

Kim averted her gaze.

“He refused to take a sick day, said he’d just sleep it off on the couch. He said he felt great afterwards, everything went on as usual, then just as they were all packing up, he was saying something to Marci when he just… dropped. The rest of the employees are fine, but the doctors called in some people with Geiger Counters, and their readings are over 5,000 on Hamlin. A-apparently that’s high…”

“Ripley's…” Jimmy mumbled, quite perplexed but still fundamentally apathetic about any loose threads involving his former boss, “I’m sure more will be in the news in the coming weeks. But needless to say, Howard and I weren’t close, especially not these past few years. I’ve got my own plate full, otherwise I’d offer to hire those poor mailroom comrades who are now out on their asses. This is real spooky. Keep me posted, Ernie”

After a few more patient nods, Jimmy put the receiver down. He looked over to see Kim running her hands over her middle, disturbed. Wasn't this what she wanted? Didn’t she wish for Howard to drop dead? Since yesterday, every obstacle in her path seemed to be courteously moving out of the way. And there was only so much that could be blamed on serendipity.

[anon-vent-or-advice]

I just sent a vent here about a test and I realized there was something that troubled me way more that I want to tell someone. I only searched for a blog like this because of the test then thought “hey, this other thing has been affecting my life for years, and now I’m on a vent blog, I’ll just say it.”

I’ve been too scared to talk to my parents for years outside of the absolutely necessary. I think the reason for this is that they’d punish me for reasons unknown to me, especially when I was younger and had a lower sense of what was allowed. I’d do something I thought was fine but be punished, and the reason was rarely made clear. I eventually became too scared to even be around them, probably because I thought I would be punished if I did.

It got to the point where it was irrational. For a few months, I was too scared to go downstairs to get water, making my sister do it every time—even though my parents didn’t react to me at all 95% of the time, and it’d be a neutral reaction when they did. I’d be in literal pain from thirst for hours when my sister was away. It’s a wonder I didn’t get a kidney stone. I’m also too scared to throw trash away in the trash can downstairs, despite my mom getting mad at me for not doing it. It makes no sense that I’m scared of this, but my brain seems to be saying “sure, she’s mad that you’re not doing this, but nothing says she won’t be even more mad at you doing this.” I even refused to talk to them when I got a stomach ache so bad I thought I was dying, and I’m terrified of death.

I want to fix this. My fear of them gets in the way of too many things in my life. I also genuinely like interacting with them outside of punishment, although they think I hate them because of my avoidance of them. I want to take this slowly, though—I’m horrified at the mere idea of just saying this to them.

This kinda solidifies what I just responded about your mom but also makes it make more sense to me a bit. You definitely do need to have a heart to heart conversation with them. I’m sure (well at least I hope) you didn’t get in trouble for no reason. Maybe when you have your talk with them, you can let them know that you didn’t know why you got in trouble as a child and that because of that, you’re afraid to talk to them now about things. Maybe they didn’t explain it well but it could just be that you were a child so it made no sense what they said at the time. I’m surely hoping your parents weren’t the type to take their anger out on their kids when they had a stressful day, if that’s the case then that truly sucks and I don’t know much on how to fully help with that situation. Parents are supposed to be there to help you grow and be the best you can be. If you find that your parents aren’t helpful after your talk, maybe try to find a mentor of some sort that can help you.

You wanting to fix this situation is a great first step. It may take a while before you can ask your parents if you can talk and that’s okay. Take your time in doing this. Maybe write down everything you want to discuss to make it easier for you. Maybe ask your sister to be there for you as moral support since it seems like you two may be close. Maybe even ask her the best way to approach the subject with your parents since you say it doesn’t seem like she was too concerned by them so she may know the best way for you tell them. I definitely would mention the below screenshot of your question to them since it seems to be where the trouble stems from.

Something that I’ve been told many times before is not to bottle up emotions so I hope that even though you’ve been afraid to talk to your parents about things that you’ve had someone in your corner that you can talk to about things, no matter how small it may seem to you. Sometimes it’s those small things that grow into bigger things. If you don’t have someone or are afraid to ask someone, I am always here. That’s what this blog is for. I’m no licensed therapist or anything but my friends have always known that they can come to me for anything. I’ve always been there for people and I give the best advice I can based on my experience and the information given to me on the subject.

[shaadelyfe]

Hope is a strong word that can mean so many things: hope for the better, the worst, to be rich, to be happy, to feel fulfilled, to be an amazing athlete, to feel whole again……. My definition of hope begins with what can you achieve in a realistic mindset. Can you become the better man that you want to be for yourself or for others? I HOPE I can.

Over the past couple of years, it has been difficult to comprehend what the realistic outcome of any change would be. With the onset of the pandemic the whole world felt distant from each other. We no longer had the social interaction I so desperately needed, and it became the perfect storm that took my life on another path. I felt tired. My health was in disarray. I was complacent in what I had in front of me. I felt worthless and just a cog in the wheel. I worried night and day about when “normal” would come back. When would I feel the self-worth I was so desperately trying to achieve? I felt no hope at all. Hope-LESS

After years of tormenting myself in anxiety and depression, I’d say that hope eventually found me…and not in the best way. My body ached and I had sleepless nights. I felt so worn down and unhappy with my appearance I wanted to give up. I would be better off gone, I thought. But then, with a glimmer of hope I didn’t see in myself, my wife pushed/pleaded/insisted to get a physical. This is something I hadn’t done in over 15 years. Drumroll…..the bad news. Your liver is shot, kidneys a mess, cholesterol high and on the verge of diabetes, nerve problems, weight beyond reasonable, loss of memory, potential of cancer in your blood, and the list kept going. I saw more doctors and specialists over 3 months than I had in my entire life (not to mention all the blood work).  I was 34….

That’s when HOPE reached out and saved my life.

Most people equate this to “the lightbulb turned on” notion. NO, mine was DO or DIE (physically or mentally). I did the tests, I then knew that if I didn’t change my behaviors and thoughts on both sides: I wouldn’t see my children grow up and they wouldn’t have a father I always wanted to be (irreparable), I’d be a bad partner and not commit to our vows for over 16 years (cowardly), I’d be a disappointment to my family and continuation of past experiences (guilt/recurrence), I’d be the pity of conversation with friends (embarrassment), I’d be the “guy” that couldn’t get over his own securities to save his life and the emotions of those around him (self-guilt).

Everything stated above was flowing through my head. Weird to think that with all that doubt and contradiction, end of life was still a thought. That’s #mental

It took time to calm down, but i knew that was the only way. Do some meditation, read some positive books (thanks Headway), workout to clear my mind. Most importantly, address my addiction with alcohol. I might not remember the exact day, but the day I chose to live for myself is the only reason I’m writing this today. My “light bulb turn ON”! From that day forward, while not always easy, I started applying the #mentalwork needed to be there for all those that needed me too. As an emotional person I think about the aftereffects “If” I were to do something selfish before doing so. I wish others would’ve done the same, but inner voices get you and they can’t overcome. I chose the feelings of those around me as a catalyst to be better. Get healthy, be present, seek help, feel the power of self-worth, work harder, appreciate what you have, HOPE to do better.

### This was a long story on my progression for HOPE and the possibilities, awareness, and simple therapeutic outlet I chose to explore, but more will come. My journey as of 1-2-2023 equates to: 45lbs lighter, anxiety reduced by action, bigger belief in self-worth, deeper understanding of HOPE, and my choice to exceed expectations.

Sadness.Hope.Anxiety.Addiction.Depression.Expectations

[hilariesjeffrey]

haven’t been on here in a couple days and for good reason. below the cut I’ll be venting a bit. I apologize in advance for how long it is.

so about 3 weeks ago my dad went to the hospital for some leg pain that we later found out was a mass. turns out he had some tests done and it was diagnosed as a soft tissue sarcoma. he’s been seeing doctors and having mris done and it’s just taken so much time to find out what was going on. his pain got so bad that his leg and by his pelvis was SO swollen, he started walking with a cane and was just in unbearable pain. he was prescribed oxycodone and I think it was somewhat helping him but he still couldn’t get up most days. barely ate. just becoming really, really hard to witness. my dads always been so independent, never really voices how he feels, never asks for help, doesn’t want to be a burden, extremely stubborn and hard headed, etc. cut to last friday, my sister and I got home and he kinda always wakes up when he hears us, and he wasn’t. he was making strange noises and we woke him up and he was incredibly disoriented and wasn’t making much sense, so I called an ambulance and we took him to the er. we were at the hospital until like 6 in the morning the next day. he was admitted to the icu and we found out that he was misdiagnosed and he never had a soft tissue sarcoma. he has something called diffuse b-cell lymphoma which is extremely aggressive. they intubated him and seeing him like that is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to endure. doctors talk to us every day and we found out that his cancer got so bad that basically his organs are failing, and that’s why we found him so disoriented. his levels were terrible, his kidneys and liver were failing and they started him on dialysis. they didn’t think he was going to make it through the night. we visited him every day and he was heavily sedated so he had no idea what was happening, basically. the past couple days, he’s been showing some improvement. the dialysis was actually helping his kidneys and his liver was slightly getting better. they started him on chemo and his body seems to be handling it well. but more problems arose. not to mention all the side effects from the chemo. he has a blood clot by his heart that they can’t do anything about because he’s too weak for surgery. the doctor basically explained that if that were to burst, he would die instantaneously. the doctors also ask us all the time if he has a DNR which we don’t know, and talking like that scared the living shit out of me. the nurses have been slowly weaning him off the sedation so he was awake when we saw him today. he actually knew we were there, he was nodding his head to yes and no and squeezing our hands. that was so nice to see. so everything is kind of touch and go, even if the chemo works a bit, this blood clot is terrifying. he’s my absolute best friend and the glue that holds my family together, and the thought of losing him makes me physically ill. I’m trying to not blame myself but it’s hard not to think if we took him to the hospital a few days prior maybe this wouldn’t have happened. he also has no idea this was happening to him. that’s what kills me. the cancer he thought he had, he doesn’t. and he has absolutely no idea how bad it is. just had to vent to everyone I consider a friend and I thank you if you read this. trying my best to stay strong but every day is a challenge.

[america8]

My thoughts…

This is the #longcovid that I got because I was 1 of the 1st people in #Pinal-County, #Arizona, #USA to have been diagnosed with #COVID19 back in ‘2019! The #doctor thought it was #ValleyFever (yet that would have made the 5th time contacting that from soil in 15 yrs) & treated it differently then what the whole world knew Covid needed back then! The strange part is people don’t usually contact Valley Fever that many times unless it is a VERY RARE strain. Then when medical treatment made my health worse I was told “…just continue treatment as we think it has to get worse before it gets better…” by my pulmonologist/ oncologist.

Since December 2019, I have been diagnosed with “chronic post Covid disease”. The sad part is I got it from my partner at time (who I have since left & #divorced for #domestic #violence & #stalking reasons), who was the carrier when they contracted it (symptom free) from their coworker that had just been to #Mexico City to visit family for #DayOfTheDead (October 30-31 ‘2019). 7-10days after returning the coworker, his wife, & kids all fell ill & almost died! The Phoenix Hospital they went to in Arizona thought it was something else, then found on a post testing that also lead to relapse for them that it was in-fact covid. My Ex did contact COVID, but thought it was “…just a relapse of chrones disease flaring up…” as the doctor told them at time.

Now, my heart, lungs, liver, brain, digestive system, thyroid & immune system have been compromised and permanently damaged by this “… #China #Virus …” and I am so pissed that #who & #cdc knew about the WHOLE WORLDWIDE Chemical Weapons Projects & Competition in developing this greatest weapon so far!

They can argue that they didn’t know, as it accidentally spread, but as a Military Brat I know the truth when I see coverup’s! I was born overseas and came here on a Visa myself! I have been diagnosed with other medical issues related to chemical exposure from my 16+ years growing up active duty! What the Government & VA do not tell you is that’s “the price you pay for freedom” the CIA & FBI teaches military service members & their dependents! “Suck It Up, BUTTERCUP!” Was what I heard from everyone growing up.

So, I learned to deny myself & the pain, seizures, & other issues I had but the military doctors told me that I “was just a brat & wanted attention” and the brainwashing of that caused permanent damage as They Had Evidence of me having a swelled heart & brain issue since birth & never disclosed it to my mom! That swelling was treated by asthma medication which thus caused lung damage & further health issues to heart, lung, kidneys, liver, and joints! Now it’s proven I was exposed to #Monsanto #Agent #Orange as it was used at full strength on the military bases we were stationed at!

Although I can’t file suit against Monsanto or the USA Government because they are immune to lawsuits it doesn’t stop me from speaking the truth for myself & others! I was born at the end of Vietnam and thus the father knew my biological father was exposed to #AgentOrange himself too! The military had a surplus of #AG & “…used it for all the land on certain bases to keep it clear for surveillance purposes…” According to the Pentagon Reports & other agencies the USA Government was “keeping us safe” even though they knew it contained health issues & was seen as a major health concern.

[awkwards]

Kinktober Day 5. Aphrodisiac : Pleasurable Test | Overhaul

Day 5: Aphrodisiac

Title: Pleasurable Test

Pairing: Overhaul x F!Reader

Count: 2.2k

Summary: You needed to make ends meet, and so you go to subject yourself to a testing center that will pay. Turns out, you’ve signed yourself up for way more than you expected. You should really read the fine print.

Warnings: Noncon, syringe, aphrodisiac, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yandere, sadist overhaul

Note: It’s finals week and definitely starting to hit me. Also, thanks for all of the support! If you’d like to be tagged for my kinktober fics, dm me! My inbox is open~

You snarled behind your gag at the man in the lab coat, who was currently coming at you with another needle. When he stepped close, you managed to kick the shot away.

“You can’t even handle one little girl. Pathetic.” A voice you haven’t heard before chides. A man wearing a plague mask and rather large coat with purple feathers stepped in. You could barely see him from where you’re restrained on the operating table. He snaps gloves onto his his, his eyes glaring at the subordinate. “And now that needle is filthy.”

“I’m so sorry sir!” you could see the sweat from the doctor, his face pailing. “She kicked me and it went flying!”

“Begone. I do not wish to hear your excuses.”

“Yes sir.” The guy practically runs from the room.

The man levels his gaze on you, judging.

You quirk an eyebrow at him, challengingly.

You’ve been here for a week. It was supposed to be one test, in which you got paid for. You took it because money was tight and you needed to pay rent. Little did you realize they would keep you kidnapped and subject to their devices because you were the “perfect candidate”.  Your fear has practically been pushed aside by your anger. For a week they’ve been sticking you with needles, running “tests”, keeping you on the edge of functioning. All you had left was your anger and attitude.

“What a nuisance.” The man sighs. His dark eyes scan your barely clothed body.

Quicker than you can move, the man has your legs pinned down, fastened in place just like your arms and neck are. A gasp of shock careens past your lips, silenced by the gag.

“That’s better.” He moves over to the counter where the equipment lays. He turns his back towards you. “Do you know who I am?”

“Well, I assume you’re the one in charge of these monkeys. Do you know who I am?” You bite at him.

“I am Kai Chisaki. You will address me as Overhaul.” He turns slowly, an intense look in his eyes that makes your skin crawl. “I know plenty about you. You are a quirkless individual. Your blood type is AB negative. You’re allergic to penicillin. You’ve lived in this city your whole life. I know you were adopted at the age 5. You had a kidney transplant at the age 12.”

“Your parents were brutally murdered when you were in high school by a villain attack. I know that the villain attack was actually a target for your father’s brother because he made some bad deals with the yakuza.” He grabs a needle and begins to mix a mystery pink liquid into it. You’re shaking by now. How does he know so much?  “You dropped out of high school quickly after, and less than two years later sold most of your adoptive parent’s belongings, and then the house.”

Overhaul takes deliberate and slow steps towards you, tapping the air bubbles out of the needle. “You moved into a seedy little apartment in the middle of town. You work at a small bar across from the noodle shop in the bad part of town because it was the only place that would hire you. This month you couldn’t make ends meet so you showed up here.”

A gloved hand drops onto your arm, thumb soothing over the prominent vein of yours. “And most importantly, I know your name isn’t actually Nakaya Kosuke. You, Miss (y/n), have quite the extensive history.”

You jerk hard at hearing your birth name. No one should know! Only your adoptive parents, who as he stated were dead, and the lawyer that erased your identity knew.

You try to speak through the gag, your words hushed.

An amused dark chuckle falls from him. “Oh, my apologies, did you want to speak?”

You nod your head.

His eyebrows raise, as if debating it. Finally, he unties the back of your gag. You spit it out, breathing in deeply. “Careful now, say something I don’t like and I’ll put it back on. Or I’ll remove your tongue.”

“Why am I here?”

He hums. “You are special. Did you know that your blood type is extremely rare?”

You clench your teeth, glaring at this cocky son-of-a-bitch. “I did.”

“Well, fortunately for us, your blood type was exactly what we’ve been looking for in our experiment. It’s extremely hard to come by a willing participant, too.”

“I’m not willing. I signed up for a test. One.”

His chuckle is light, and his eyes are wide with sadistic mirth. “No. You actually signed up until there was one successful test. So far, none of them have been such. It would appear someone didn’t read the fine print.”

Oh. Oh god. Did you really?

“No worries. You will be fully compensated. Well-” His eyes narrow. “If you live.”

Overhaul begins to prep the vein in your arm. “See, quirks are filthy. Those heroes parading around their quirks are but vermin on this earth. Pathetic. But you - no, you’re corrupted like those who roam the streets. Your blood is pure. Your genes are clean. You and I are far more similar than you might think, y/n.“

“What are you going to do to me?” Fear is fully controlling your mouth now. You shiver as he sanitizes the area he plans on injecting you.

“I have reason to believe that your blood will be the perfect capsule to carry my new invention. It’s a device that will remove the quirks of those who come in contact with it.” The look in his eyes turned wild, excited. You shiver. “My parents were ripped away from me, too. Those heroes did nothing to save them. Yet, they parade around the world as if we, the common folk, owe them. Not for long. Now, don’t make too much of a noise; I’d rather not have to remove your tongue.”

The prepped needle’s cap comes off, and the metal slides into your skin. You whimper, looking away as Overhaul begins to press its contents into your bloodstream. As quick as it began, it ended. He wipes away the lone blood drop before pressing a bandaid against you.

“Normally I would never dream of coming so close to an individual. But you are different from the filth filling this world.” Gloved hands grab your chin, turning you to look into his eyes. “You’re pure. Perfect. And I plan on taking full advantage of that, my sweet Y/N.”

Tears burn your eyes, your lip trembling. You finally let your body relax. This time you were truly fucked. He pulls his hand away, throwing away the needle tip of the syringe. You watch him walk away, back to the counter where he removes his gloves and washes his hands and arms.

A warmth began to fill your system. You shoot a concerned look at Overhaul. It was like your body was warming up from the inside out, your blood beginning to boil. A feverish sweat was spreading over every inch of you. “Something’s wrong.” You croak out.

Overhaul turns back to glance at you, sweaty and blushed. A mild look of intrigue covers his face. “Oh?”

“It’s burning me.” You whine.

Your body is completely uncomfortable now. The warmth feels … different. Wrong even.

“Explain to me what is happening.” He dries his hands leisurely, watching you from across the room before putting on a new, clean pair of rubber gloves.

“I’m hot. It feels like my blood is boiling. I -” you whimper as the slightest movement of your head increases the feeling tenfold. “Please make it stop.”

Overhaul takes his time as he walks back over to you. He runs a finger over your pulsepoint. The single touch sends a wave of pleasure crashing through you, a moan following. “How interesting.”

You’re mortified and confused. You wish you could rub your thighs together at the uncomfortable feeling between them.

“I see now. The molecular constructs of those two vials creates an aphrodisiac.”

You pinch your eyes shut as his single digit drags down your arm, over the hospital gown you have. The thin fabric is too much. It feels as if it’s weighing you down and making it that much harder to breathe.

“I suppose I should relieve you. It’ll be the only way to collect your blood at the right molecular compounds,” He muses to himself, talking out loud as if you’re not there.

Overhaul pulls off the glove on his left hand. “If I hadn’t reassembled you already, I would let you suffer until the side effects wear off. But, because of me, you really are clean. You should thank me.”

Not knowing what to say, you watch the man through your watery tears. He presses his bare hand on your stomach. If you weren’t being restrained, you would have arched into his hand, moaning loud as pleasure floods your core.

When he removes his hand, your whole body shivers as air nips your bare skin. How? “Wh-what?”

He chuckles. “My quirk.”

You watch as Overhaul steps around your pinned body, coming close to your wet sex.

“What a mess you’ve made. Disgusting.” Despite his words, he runs his gloved hand up your right leg, stopping at the stop below your belly button. You can feel your walls flutter.

A choked out “Please,” tumbles from your lips. You’re so turned on it hurts. Your brain can’t think straight anymore.

You moan loudly as a single finger strokes your dripping lips. You roll your hips as best as you can to get more friction. He lets out a proper laugh at your discomfort, sliding his single digit past your folds.

“So needy. What would you do without me? If I wasn’t here to relieve you?”

Your walls flutter around his digit as he runs his finger against your inside. The burning in your blood only seems to increase at the slight relief. “Please, Overhaul please!”

At your pitiful begging, he slides another finger in, stretching your walls. He works the two digits in a slow and methodical pace, scissoring you. You whine and cry, grinding your hips into his fingers. When he curls the two fingers and strokes the spongy spot inside you, a coil snaps, and you cum hard around him.

He doesn’t stop, continuing to pump his fingers inside you. You moan as you come down from your high.

The heat inside dims for the barest of moments before firing back up with a vengeance.

“Did that make you feel better?” He mocks, putting more force behind his motions.

You gasp as the coil of pleasure begins again. “It hurts! I need more, please!”

“Patience, little one. You’ll get your release. Soon, you’ll be begging me to stop.”

As if to prove his point, he uses his thumb to stroke your clit hard. Your walls flutter and drip around his gloved fingers as you feel yourself close to the crest again. “Oh - Oh, oh please!” You wail.

“Cum again, pet.”

You do. Your walls spasm as you tip over, shaking in your restraints as a sigh leaves you.

He doesn’t stop. The fire inside is rapidly dwindling, and you flinch at the touch.

“Oh, are you sensitive already?” He muses. “It won’t last long.”

True to your words, the fire picks up again. You sob as his touch hurts. It hurts yet is relieving you too. Tears stream down your face as you’re overstimulated, but the heat is still there.

“It's almost over. Hold on just a bit longer.”

Overhaul fingers you faster, making the coil of pleasure twist quicker and harder than the last two orgasms. You sob as you near the edge again.

“Last one. Give me one more. Cum over my fingers.”

“I can’t!” You cry out, rocking your hips into his fingers despite what you say.

“You can. And you will.” You can hear the squelching as his fingers target your g-spot, his thumb rolling your clit hard. “Cum again y/n.”

A scream rips from your throat as you’re forced over the edge of another orgasm. Your entire body tenses, and white fills your eyes. Overhaul drags his fingers out of you slowly, making you wince from the overstimulation. He tears the glove covered in cum off of his hand before sliding a new set on.

Panting hard, you come down again, body relaxing. Your blood no longer feels like you’re being boiled alive.

You flinch as a syringe is forced into your arm, and watch in sick curiosity as he draws blood from you. Even the touch of the needle makes you quiver, your entire body too sensitive for touch.

“Shh, it’ll be okay. You did so well.”

You moan, shaking as he places a bandage over your skin again. Your head swims as black dots at the edge of your vision.

You look up at him, and can tell even from behind his mask that he’s smiling. “I’ll be back tomorrow. Rest well, pet.”

Tag list:

@ofthedewthesunlight​ 

[somecunttookmyurl]

sorry if there was another part of this post/those tags that i didn’t see but… i don’t think that doctor was trying to say that doctors know more about drugs than pharmacists do?

i’m an md also, i graduated from medical school a few years ago. and that person is right. we do learn about pharmacology and drug mechanisms and interactions in medical school. at my school (which was broken up into long blocks by body system), this was all integrated into everything else we were learning, meaning it was on every test. and it’s continued to be on every test i’ve taken since graduating. the point isn’t that we know more or even nearly as much as pharmacists about pharmacology, but that we know enough that someone who completely ignores the concept of drug interactions or the idea that different patients may metabolize certain drugs differently is a bad doctor. and i’m sorry that you’ve run across so many of them

the thing about medicine is that there is so much to know about human anatomy and physiology and disease that it’s basically impossible for any one person to know it all. medical school lays the groundwork, but there’s a reason we specialize, and spend 3-7 years in additional training in our particular field. it’s important to know what you don’t know (which is a lot, no matter what kind of doctor you are or how long you’ve been practicing). that means consulting with pharmacists when prescribing a new med or changing a dose whenever possible, just like you’d consult, say, a nephrologist when treating a patient with kidney disease. but when there isn’t a good pharmacist available, it means looking up that information yourself. i may not remember every single drug that interacts with warfarin, for example, off the top of my head, but i sure as hell know that it’s a long list and i better check everything else a patient is taking before prescribing it

anyway, good pharmacists are an incredible resource and i wish we had more of them at my hospital. and if you can’t admit that there are things you don’t know, medicine is not the field for you

yeah i've had like. no joke. 2 good doctors in 31 years. and one of them i don't even get to see again it was a one-off. but i am surgically attached to my GP until one of us dies and by god i hope i go first.

(incidentally those 2 doctors are the only ones i've ever met who even knew that differing drug metabolism on different pathways was even a thing like at all. my old psych straight up said "never heard of that, don't think that's true" even when i was presenting him with literal medical journals to the contrary like okay buddy good talk let's never do this again. i wish so much this was an uncommon experience bc i for one am tired of giving the TED talk)

readmore bc this got long

the fact you guys don't learn stuff to the same depth as pharmacists was really like my entire point. i mean, sure, you have some knowledge on it but normally pretty limited to within whatever field you practice. you've only got a limited number of brain cells. if you did have all that knowledge then pharmacy wouldn't exist as a separate degree in the first place.

so a doc coming onto that like "oh we do know side effects and get tested on interactions" is uh. i mean do you? a little, sure, but there's a limit to that knowledge by design. it's really the pharmacists who know, you know? they're the experts on it, and it kinda struck me as "i did a bit of training on this so i know everything" which is an attitude i encounter.... a lot with doctors, sadly. along with the assumption a patient can never know anything about their condition/have any input or ideas of any value/that there may be gaps in their own knowledge.

[also along with complete lack of intellectual curiosity which always baffled me like "welp, don't know what that is goodbye forever" do you not... want to know? not even a little bit? god why are you even here. if all you wanted to do was flowcharts and tick boxes there are plenty of careers in the data entry field. not quite sure why you went to medical school my man]

you sound like a good doctor. hold onto that. sadly you're more the exeption than the norm, as pretty much anybody with a chronic illness or unusal presentation/response can attest. also women, and POC.

if you've got it in you to keep at it without having a nervous breakdown (rather have you in the field than out of it babes) absolutely chew out any other doctor you catch acting like a Supreme Unquestionable Being Who Can Never Be Wrong though.

honestly? i think, genuinely, most do start out like you (you said you only graduated a few years ago right? so you're still new really) and... at some point along the way they become fucking insufferable.

i don't know if it's burnout bc it's a stressful job, or if having power over the health & wellbeing over other people eventually goes to your head, or you get stuck in "what i learned 20 years ago is still unquestionable" or "i've been doing this for years pfff i don't need to check things anymore" complacency or what but there is for sure SOMETHING that changes in a whole lotta doctors. hold on to how you practice now. be one of the few who STAY like that 10, 20, 30 years from now. please. stay curious, stay cautious, stay sharp.

i don't hate doctors (i say it jokingly, true, but don't take it personally) but i have absolutely met enough of them that don't listen, or check, or investigate that i heavily side-eye a new one until they demonstrate otherwise. you're listening to me and working with me and checking things? cool! i'm still gonna double-check anyway because even good doctors make mistakes,

but a good good doctor doesn't take offence at that anyway. i mean. it's my health you're in charge of here. remaining alive and not hospitalised is generally preferable.

hey, maybe it's a bit harsh to judge from a couple tags but coming onto a post saying that pharmacists are the real drug nerds here and doctors have limited knowledge about that (with a heavy dose of complacency a lot of the time, tbqh) so please make sure stuff is checked with "we do know about interactions we get tested on it" sent up a HUGE "i can't admit when there are gaps in my knowledge and can't handle being questioned" red flag.

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Making Amends (Sherlock & Mycroft X Sister!Reader)

Characters: Sherlock & Mycroft X Sister!Reader, John Watson X Wife!Reader

Universe: Sherlock

Warnings: Sickness, hospitals, mention of surgery and blood tests

Request: Could you do Sherlock x sister reader. The reader and Holmes brother DON'T get along and the R is married to John Watson. The r gets diagnosed to Kidney failure and needs transplant, either the Holmes brother got match. The Holmes brothers we're worried at her and they wanted to make amend. Before the surgery they reconciled to reader and the reader forgive them. 

You didn’t get along with your brothers, and hadn’t done since you were little. Your personalities didn’t merge well together, and it went further than a normal sibling hatred. Mycroft had a tendency to berate you and tell you that you weren’t doing good enough compared to him and Sherlock, and Sherlock just couldn’t help but insult you and point out your insecurities. It got to the point where a few years ago you decided to go no contact for a while, at least until you felt comfortable enough to try and let them be in your life. 

In a strange turn of events, you ended up finding a link back to your second oldest brother, through his close friend/ex flatmate, John Watson. The reason that John no longer lived with Sherlock was because he was now living with you, his wife. The best part was that you had figured out it was Sherlock who he lived with early on in the relationship when he invited you around for tea one afternoon when Sherlock was out, and you spotted some of his telltale belongings, and you quickly told John of your relation to his roommate. He actually took the news pretty well, sitting down with you as you had your tea as you explained you were no contact with him and why, and he totally understood, and since then all your dates had been elsewhere, away from the presence of Sherlock. In fact, to make sure he wouldn’t snoop, John never told Sherlock he was dating.

It wasn’t until after John had moved out to live with you did Sherlock actually realise, and he realised because he came around for John’s help and you had answered the door. Needless to say, Sherlock wasn’t happy, and from then on only called or texted John when he needed him. You were more than happy with that arrangement. Sherlock of course told Mycroft about the whole thing, and Mycroft had the piece of mind to mostly ignore this information, except to sometimes ask how you were to John. John wish he could have taken a picture of Mycroft’s face when he informed him that you two were now married just to show you. It took Sherlock another month to realise this.

You often worried about John, and admittedly your brothers as well. You always assured that if John needed time away from Sherlock’s antics, you’d swat Sherlock away whenever he came around, even when John assured you there was no need. Sure, Sherlock drove him up the walls sometimes, but apparently John was fine with it if it meant they left you alone. Still though, you worried. About him, about your brothers… and you guess you worried a bit too much. 

“Have you lost weight?” John commented one morning as you were having breakfast. You looked down at yourself, and admittedly you did notice you seemed to have lost some weight. You hummed. 

“I guess. Might mean we can go have Christmas with my parents with Sherlock and Mycroft there and Sherlock might actually say something nice.” You joked, before yawning. 

“Have you been sleeping well?” John then asked.

“Well… not as much as I used to, but it’s probably nothing.” You dismissed, but when you looked at your husband, you saw his eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Don’t go mothering me, John.” 

“I’m not going to, just… how about we just pop to the doctors to make sure you’re okay?” 

“John, you’re a doctor.” 

“I’m your husband, I might be bias.” He excused, making you chuckle. “It might be nothing, but… weight loss and lack of sleep can be linked to a lot of serious stuff.” He explained. You knew that arguing with John over your health wasn’t gonna work, so you simply sighed and agreed. 

A check up at the doctors escalated rather quickly, since during your appointment, both the doctor and John noticed your arm kept twitching and you admitted to have feeling a bit sick over the last few days, and admittedly you hadn’t had much of an appetite, and you had to give a blood test and urine sample, and then they booked you in for an MRI later that day. Now you were a little worried, but John was even more worried. “I’ll book today off work, I want to be there with you for the scan and the results.” He told you in the taxi home. His fussiness almost gave you a dreadful feeling, like he had an idea on what was wrong. You didn’t ask though, not wanting to wind yourself up. Instead you kept telling yourself that everything was fine, it was just a bug or something. Something minor. 

John went with you to the hospital, and you tried to stay calm throughout the whole thing, however the entire time John was clearly worried out of his mind, even if he was trying to hide it. As you were waiting for the doctor to call you for the scan, you had been sat, and John had been stood over you, hands on hips and evidently anxious. “I’m going to be fine, it’s just a scan. I just have to lay perfectly still, right?” You tried to soothe him. 

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, everything will be fine, just me worrying is all.” John tried to calm himself. Soon the doctor came out and called you into the room to do the scan. John had to wait with the doctor as they test happened, and while he wanted to discuss his theory to the others, he didn’t want to be accidentally heard by you over the intercom as they spoke with you. Eventually the test ended, and they told you they wanted you to stay in until the results came back.

As you waited, you had tried to get John to relax, saying maybe he should get a drink or a snack, but John refused, staying right by your side. Instead, you tried to talk to him about anything other than what was happening to try and calm him. That was until the doctors came back, and told you exactly why he was so on edge. 

Kidney failure.

They explained to you how everything was going to happen now. They were going to keep you in and give you support until they could find you a donor, and they needed to find you one soon, and they’ll also perform a biopsy to find out the extent of damage and what caused it. John had been silent throughout the explanation, and as soon as the doctors asked if you had any questions, he spoke up. “Can you test to see if I’m a match?” 

“Of course, we’ll get you tested immediately, please come with me.” The doctor instructed, and John got up. However before he left, he turned around to you and kissed your head. 

“It’s gonna be alright. We’ll find you a donor, you’ll have your operation, and we’ll go home and rest.” He promised you, and you smiled at him before he turned to leave. Admittedly you weren’t sure how much of that was true. 

John went for the test, though part of him knew there was a good chance he wasn’t a match. However, he knew two people who would more than likely be. As soon as the test was done, he got on his phone, calling Mycroft. 

“Hello John, it’s a bit odd for you to be calling me-”

“Is Sherlock with you?” 

“Oh no, what has he done?” 

“Is. He. With. You?” John demanded. Mycroft had been silent for a moment. 

“Yes. Why?” 

“Good. You two need to get down to the hospital right now and get your blood tested. Y/N is really sick, she’s in kidney failure and she needs a donor as soon as possible.” He told them. 

“We’ll be right down.” 

The pair arrived not long after, immediately explaining the reason for them being there and Sherlock basically demanded a blood test right then and there. As soon as their tests had been done, they went to see you. You hadn’t been feeling much better since your admission, in fact you had been feeling worse. You’d tried to eat despite your lack of appetite because part of you hoped that if you did so it would have your situation, and you just ended up making yourself sick, and since then you’d sort of curled up in bed, shutting your hand and focussing on the feeling of John holding your hand. Neither said anything as they came and sat down at your bedside. John looked at them, a hint of gratefulness in his eyes, but it was clear he was scared. You weren’t doing well. You eventually opened your eyes, spotting the two. “What are you two doing here?” 

“I called them. There’s a good chance one of them is a match.” John explained to you. You didn’t get upset with him, didn’t ask them to leave, or even kicked up any sort of fuss. 

“Okay.” Was all you got out before you closed your eyes again. 

“We’ve already been tested, we just have to wait to see the results.” Mycroft spoke up.

“What if none of you match?” You asked, being answered with a terrified silence. No match meant either a long, painful wait, or death. You really hoped one of them was a match. 

Eventually the Doctor came back, and the smiles on his face immediately made you feel better. “Good news, both of your brothers can donate.” He informed you.

“Alright, when do we need to operate?” Mycroft ask. 

“I’ll do it.” Sherlock spoke up immediately afterwards. 

“Sherlock, I’m the eldest, it’s my responsibility-”

“Will you two just flip a coin or something? This isn’t over something like who gets the last slice of cake- this is Y/N’s life we’re talking about. Stop bickering.” John immediately told them off for you. Both fell quiet for a moment. 

“You’re right. We’re sorry Y/N.” Mycroft apologised. 

Eventually the two came to a decision on who would be donating- that being Mycroft. He could do his work while on rest from the operation, while Sherlock would without a doubt be up and about against the doctor’s orders. Myroft was taken to another room to be prepped before surgery, and Sherlock stayed with you and John. “...I know we haven’t been the best brothers to you, Y/N. Far from it… We’ve insulted you, belittled you… I can’t blame you for a second for cutting us out for so long, and I understand if after this you still want to keep your distance.” Sherlock spoke up. 

“I know you two don’t mean to hurt me when you say that stuff, that you’re actually trying to help. I know Mycroft comments on how I live because he wants me to do well like him, and I know you often forget that words can hurt.”

“And I’m going to work on that, I promise.” Sherlock assured. Mycroft came back in the room, followed by the doctor and some surgeons. 

“Ready Mrs Watson?” The doctor asked. 

“I guess.” You sighed. John gave a squeeze to your hand, kissing your head, before your bed starting to be moved down the corridors. Mycroft opted to walk down there himself, beside his brother and John beside your bed, until you were at the doors. “Alright… see you two in a bit.” You said to your husband and Sherlock, before you turned to Mycroft. “Let’s see who wakes up first.” You joked, making him smile lightly, before you both went into the room. 

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in! 

*Not my gif

TAGS:  @courtneychicken  @graysonmalfoy​ @bellero​ @originalpottervengerlock​ @supernatural-pan​ @esoltis280​ @lena-stan-xavier​ @lady-of-lies​ @sebstanismylife​ @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980​ @cdwmtjb8​ @caswinchester2000​ @determinedpines​ @holy-tea-cup-blog​  @waywardemo​ @sassy-specter​

[juuls]

So the good news is I’m not dying (well, let’s give it another 50 or so years then check back on that 😋)

I told a couple people but mostly kept it between my dad and I; at least, I told him stuff before my besties because I’m a daddy’s girl and I wanted comfort and hugs and someone physical to cry on.

And okay, look, what I’ve been experiencing is nowhere near as bad as others have it, but this was the worst case of nauseating gastrointestinal distress I have ever experienced to the point I woke up at 3am this morning, threw up for the 10th day in a row, clutching at my upper abdomen and barely able to walk (no one else was around to help me get there). Anyway, no one wants cramps where they’re not supposed to be on women—felt like when I ruptured an ovarian cyst a few years ago along with kidney stones another time, just felt higher up the abdomen.

Two points about the personnel at hospitals and how people with fibromyalgia get treated. One bad, and one surprisingly good.

The triage nurse told me I shouldn’t be wasting hospital time (there was no else in the waiting room because it was goddamn 5am) and that all ‘normal visits’ should be conducted through general practitioners/family doctors. Never mind the fact that the 2018 census showed 241 doctors for every 100,000 people. Which is abysmal, and I’m so lucky to have the same one for 20 years now. Anyway I told her in a snippy tone (I get bitchy when people imply I’m a hypochondriac or wasting people’s valuable space and resources as a disabled person) that a) it currently takes 6 weeks to get an appt with my doctor and that’s why I book two months in advance, but am shit out of luck if something pops up between all that. Like, I get a d understand and take precautions with Covid. But like??? Sometimes people need to have their abdomen poked and prodded which…

Might actually save my life/or from a long recovery surgery, or a lifetime of having to plan his and grandma’s days around his (I’m now learning: hereditary— thanks grampy) disease. But yeah this female doctor in probably her late thirties comes in and actually TAKES ME SERIOUSLY. I did also start the meet and greet by expressing concern over her doing what countless others have done…. Blame it all on the Fibromyalgia (oh you have a concussion Tommy?? Keep playing, it’s just your fibro!” Bitch please. Anyway. She said she absolutely understood and would help me figure out what feelings were fibro, and which were abnormal for anyone. Reminds me of this tweet I found around this hellsite:

But I’m so grateful she listed and she actually ordered all the blood panels they have available at this rural hospital, took x-rays, did a physical exam… and after all that and the tests she semi-smiled at me and said “well it’s not fibromyalgia” and I about cackled.

But yeah, if you start throwing up for no reason for 10 days in a row (plus some other gross things I shall not mention), please go to the hospital. Apparently I have something fucked up going on in my large/small intestine and perhaps colon. She was worried enough about me, since they don’t have the tech there except x-rays, that she said she’d bully my do tor into seeing me sooner so he can arrange some, uh…. Well; some not bad; some uuuugh…. tests to figure out wtf is going on.

I didn’t even know what was going on! So hard to explain pain when you’re in pain every day. Bah. But she helped and had excellent bedside manners and took me seriously. One of the best feelings as a fibro patient.

Only problem with it not being fibro… is you only have deductive reasoning and tons of tests to do. She told me if I don’t vet these tests done, I could die from a rupture or whatever term she used. Though I do know what sepsis is! Yay! *rolls eyes*

I’m just glad I didn’t talk myself out of going to the ER, because I was worried it ‘wasn’t serious’ enough…. Yeah well, your body can lie to you! Jerk body.

So yeah now I have a plan of action, new medications to hopefully last me until the more thorough tests are conducted.

I don’t want to be (more) sick, but I’ve always believed in knowing what can happen to your body even if it’s a bad thing. And maybe we caught this early.

All I can ask for now is this, though: please please please no more upchucking every day, or at leat only for a few days.

God, it’s been a miserable 10 days, but I still somehow feel better. Knowing does that. :)

(P.S. I’m not intending this as a ‘woe is me’ thing because sometimes people do care about how their friends are doing, and also because I am a hug supporter of listening to your body and judging WHEN not IF you go to the doctor about it. I hope this post helps that attitude somewhat.)

Anywho, we’ll see how the tests do (whenever that may be, because of Covid) and treagmt with meds a d adjust food until I learn more.

Take care. Be safe. Stay well!!!! ❤️

[vulnera-sanentura]

Cat Facts: Why’s this Cat Vomiting?

Like most of my posts, this is coming more from a veterinary student/pre-vet education perspective, but hopefully some owners that follow me can get some useful info from this!

Unsurprising to most vet students, there’s about as many reasons for vomiting as there are diagnoses in general. We’re going to attempt to narrow that down a bit, break them into categories which makes it more useful for diagnostics and relevant differentials.

First off, you have to differentiate vomiting from regurgitation.

Vomiting: nausea (drooling, lip licking, swallowing, depression/restlessness), abdominal muscle contraction, contains bile/digested blood/digested food

Regurgitation: no nausea, no abdominal contractions or bile, presence of undigested food in a tubular shape.

Once you’re sure it’s actually vomiting, you’ll need to differentiate it into acute or chronic, as well as emergency/non-emergency. Acute will be in the last few days or day of presentation, often multiple times in the same day, and will often present as more “sick” than the chronic vomiter.

In chronic cases, the vomiting is usually more than 2 times a month and has been going on for months to years. Chronic vomiters can be “apparently healthy” and the vomiting only brought up at a wellness check or prompted by the vet/nurses and the owner didn’t think to bring it up because “cats just vomit, and they seem fine other than that.” History can help a lot! If there’s an acute case, and the cat has access to toxic substances, a habit or likelihood of eating foreign objects (hair ties, string, q-tips, etc), or has had a recent change in diet, that could lead you immediately to the most likely cause and the most appropriate next steps. Acute vomiting generally has fewer causes or at least more obvious causes, and next steps generally include abdominal radiographs or triage/supportive care if indicated. Physical exam can locate a linear foreign body that’s anchored to the underside of the tongue.

So, what if that doesn’t help? That’s when you start your baseline diagnostics! CBC/Chem/UA can rule in or rule out a lot of potential causes for vomiting:

Diabetes: hyperglycemia, glucosuria, ketonuria, low USG

Liver disease: hyperbilirubinemia, decreased BUN, increased liver enzymes, bilirubinuria

Renal disease: increased BUN/creatinine, low USG

Hyperthyroidism: increased T4, increased liver enzymes (ALP, ALT), mild increase in PCV, low USG

Electrolyte/acid-base derangements: Na, K, Cl, Ca, pH, bicarb, tCO2

Eosinophilia: parasites, IBD, hypereosinophilic syndrome, mast cell tumors

Neutrophilia: gastroenteritis, neoplasia

Neutropenia: salmonellosis, retroviruses

Hemoconcentration: dehydration

Anemia: chronic disease, GI blood loss

Fecal may also show parasites, and FeLV/FIV positive snap test might be supportive of vomiting from a FeLV/FIV related illness

Secondary diagnostics beyond bloodwork and urinalysis would be the next step after that. Radiographs may show abnormalities in organ size/architecture (small kidneys, enlarged liver), foreign bodies, GI obstruction, or masses.

Ultrasound is the diagnostic of choice for **chronic vomiting and normal bloodwork**. It can reveal thickening of the stomach/small intestines, wall layer changes, and/or enlarged lymph nodes. It can also show or allow better examination of abdominal masses, or the presence of free fluid.

fPLI may be indicated if pancreatitis is suspected, but may be normal in chronic pancreatitis cases. Heartworm testing if the cat lives in an endemic area, after other causes have been ruled out.

Intestinal biopsy and histopathology is recommended in cases of chronic vomiting with GI thickening seen on ultrasound. This will differentiate between IBD and lymphoma, which cannot be done without the histopath! Though presumptive and empirical treatment may be considered in cases of financial concern. IBD is often in younger cats and lymphoma in older, however that’s simply a generalization and not a hard and fast rule. IBD and lymphoma are the two most common causes of chronic vomiting in cats. Exploratory surgery and full thickness biopsies is preferred over endoscopic biopsy, as you can retrieve intestinal samples from more than just the duodenum, the samples will be higher quality for your pathologist, and you can determine the staging of the lymphoma (if that’s the cause).

What should I tell owners to keep a look out for? 2x a month or more vomiting, INCLUDING HAIRBALLS, is abnormal and justifies an ultrasound study. Cats should in theory be able to process hair since they evolved to groom their fur (a bit more leeway is given to long-haired cats since that’s a genetic mutation we’ve selected for), and vomiting hairballs regularly is suggestive of hypomotility of the GI tract.

The only exception to this is eating grass and vomiting, as grass is irritating to the stomach and can cause vomiting, but is more or less harmless on its own.

Due to this being a very wide topic I didn’t go much into specifics, but I can if you all are interested in any specific parts of this!