#they probably think you actually hate them and only accepted the invitation to be polite and now you're cancelling last minute

[mettywiththenotes]

I've seen people talk about how they love canceling plans but I don't get that. I hate canceling plans because then I feel so bad. Like aww I couldn't come and now I've made them feel disappointed and I've ruined the night I hope they don't hate me :(

[doubledyke]

How do you believe Eddy actually is without his Bro mask? I mean, I don't believe he would be radically different or anything- he probably still has his hotheadness, stubborness and egocentrism- but he would also be a bit more chill, more openly caring and more helpful and friendly towards his buddies and another people?

Still quite flawed and bratty, but also much more of a nice guy at the same time, summing up.

brother you just opened a whole ass can of worms on this here page

eddy angst and eventual fawning below

even after bps i imagine eddy's guard is gonna be allllllll the way up for a long time. nonetheless, he's ecstatic to be welcomed into the in-crowd. finally, an excuse to wear all those clothes he keeps in that closet o' dreams. his shoulders loosen up a bit over time, he's cool, he's getting invites to all the shindigs. he's chasing this conditional acceptance so much that he might even drift away from the eds for a while- ed and edd not exactly being the partying types.

but he's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. right on his neck. waiting for the moment he says or does the wrong thing. or the moment his searing rage burns through this newfound passivity. he's just doing what everyone else does, what everyone wants him to do. asking someone how they're doing even if you don't really care, laughing when someone tells what could be construed as a joke. and standing up real straight, since double dee's always talking about "posturing" for some reason.

keeping up that front is exhausting though.. some nights he'd rather stay home, but if he did that he might never get invited anywhere ever again. and another of kevin's easyriders anecdotes, jonny's weed-fueled conspiracy theories, rolf's political proselytizing, and nazz's aggressive dancing sure as shit beats spending time with his own thoughts.

yup. this is the life.

the ticking time bomb explodes when someone accidentally bumps into him at one of these parties, and the uncomfortable laughter this elicits from his peers plunges him further into a sea of red, his ire hopping from one head to the next as he drunkenly gives them all what for. he lays into his peers in a way he's only ever seen edd do, then storms off into the inconveniently well-lit night, never to be seen or heard from again... until the next day at school, where to his horror, everyone is still being cool towards him? they're asking him if he's okay?? he should be fine, once he's picked his jaw up off the floor.

but they were supposed to hate him, give him a shiner to go along with the bruises he left on their collective ego. somethin' don't smell right, and it's not just the mix of mike's hard and last night's supper embedded between his shoelaces.

the only solution is to isolate, of course. out of sight out of mind. he starts showing up for school less and less, and when he's there it's not like he's paying attention. what's the point? as far as he can tell, his options were laid out before he was off his mom's tit: join dad at the dealership, or end up in a seaside trailer, running two-bit scams to supplement the part-time income he'd get as a ride operator. you don't need no stinkin' degree to push a button.

graduation comes and he doesn't go cuz you wouldn't catch him dead in one of those stupid ass hats and matching tablecloths. plus "getting older" is depressing. really depressing. as such, he becomes depressed. i wrote in painfully dumb detail what i think that might look like in the fic i was working on, so i'll spare you a rehashing of that.

anyway, his depressive episode subsides a bit and for the first time in his life he's looking inward. what does he want to do? who does he want to be? better yet WHO IS HE??? that's the thing with eddy, he has no idea who he is, and is terrified to find out. it was easy enough to mirror his brother when he mistook fear for respect. but no one is scared of him, and no one respects him, especially now that they see what a loser his brother is. so what does he have to lose by being himself? whatever that means.

at the forefront is that big lavender question mark that's been looming over his head since he was in diapers; the only "mental illness" his dad acknowledges as real.

he has another mini crisis when he is forced to accept that he's gay. followed by a torrent of relieved tears. relief mixed with horror, as it all makes an embarrassing amount of sense now. admitting that everyone was right SUCKS, but he'll look past that for the time being, and enjoy the fleeting lightness in his chest. it feels eerily similar to the day everyone found out the truth about his brother- minus the agony of cracked ribs.

his brother... oh shit, his FATHER. wipe those tears away mary. you better not be caught puffy eyed and red faced in this house son, 'less you been brawlin'.

anyway if i continue i'd be spoiling that fic i mentioned cuz i do plan on continuing it in some form or fashion eventually. the point of that fic is to pretty much go over what i think happens to eddy to get him to the point that he FIRST realizes and accepts he needs to heal at all, and then can begin the long, non-linear process of restoring what was taken from him by the hands of people who were supposed to love and protect him. that's the only way he'll be able to learn who he is and gradually let that take place of the caricature that was forced upon him.

accepting that he's gay is gonna seem like a breeze once he starts digging in to the real ugly shit. but it absolutely has an affect on his personality both as a kid before he realizes it and going forward as an out and proud adult. if you think he's flamboyant in the show...

but yes, his true personality is still, as you said, cantankerous, boisterous, egomaniacal, etc. perhaps becomes a bit more sophisticated with age lmao. take the way he acts in season one and a dash of season three in there for the best example of what i imagine he might be like on an average day in his adult life.

he'll always deal with anger management issues and depression, he's gonna have days, weeks, months where he's season 5 levels of unhinged. but like we all do, he learns to cope in ways besides bashing his skull into the nearest wall and/or tree. but don't get me started on that.

just as a side note, and not because you implied this or anything, but people who struggle with anger aren't bad people, and anger isn't inherently bad. he has every right to feel the rage he feels imo. i feel like removing those less "desirable" traits from him entirely really detracts from his fantastically complex character.

as far as how he treats the people closest to him go read @gettingfrilly's analysis of eddy and empathy for a much more informed, concise and well worded take than i can provide. my opinion is that it's a struggle for eddy to show kindness and consideration but he will get there in time with the right support. his fear of intimacy and vulnerability is something i hope to touch on in the fic too, so i'll save my ramblings on that topic for a later time.

overall, most of eddy's personality i wouldn't want to change, but it will mature and take on different forms as he gets older. his brashness, his humor (dude is so goddamn funny), his low tolerance for what he considers bullshit, his stupid charm, his ridiculous vanity. they all make him who he is and i wouldn't change them for the world!!

he's not going to get along with everyone and there will be people who simply don't like him, but once his barbs have been sanded down a bit, i think eddy would be really well liked by the people around him whose personalities and interests jell with his. his snark and gallows humor would be easily integrated into the many kitchens and bars he works in, and he'd have no trouble making friends. he's charismatic as all hell, and surprisingly cultured. i feel like people don't give him enough credit for how smart he is, but i see it. his confidence and resilience ensure that he WILL be successful in the things he sets out to do, it's just a matter of time and a little luck.

[welcome-to-tracy]

Headcanons Obey Me: «I don't love you». Part 1.

Synopsis: MC breaks off her relationship with one of brothers because they no longer loves him. There's probably leaving them for someone else.

TW: ANGST.

GN!Reader. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan.

A/N: Hi! I started writing this at four in the morning, just because I wanted a little angst. Ahhaha.

Lucifer:

— To say these words to the Avatar of Pride seems almost impossible.

— But you make up your mind when he says that Diavolo will invite you both to one of his parties as a couple.

— «No. I don't love you, sorry».

— Lucifer can't immediately believe what he's heard. However, he quickly pulls himself together and closes his eyes: «Okay. May I ask why?».

— «I love someone else».

— He doesn't ask anything else. Demon nods, ostensibly respecting your decision, puts his hand to his chest and says that you have nothing to worry about.

— You hurriedly get out of the office. As soon as you slam the door behind you, you hear a sound as if someone is overturning furniture and smashing the whole room.

— Lucifer is absolutely calm every time you see each other. Polite questions about how you are doing and whether his brothers are bothering you; invitations to dinner and even help with your studies.

— But you see how every time he clenches his palm into a fist for several seconds and clenches his teeth.

— He may not show it in front of you, but his brothers see a dark aura that actually comes from Lucifer and will be with him for the next hundred years.

— He buries his nose in the documents when he sees you flirting with someone else and wants to tear that someone apart, but for your sake he is ready to just accept it.

— To be honest, Lucifer hates you. He wants to strangle with his own hands: you hurt his pride, but... Every time you smile (even if not for him), he feels like he's in love.

Mammon:

— When you say you don't love him, he thinks you're joking. Lol, how can you not love the Great Mammon, you dumb human.

— But you explain to him that this is not a joke and then he does not understand why. What did he do wrong? You see how the carefree smile disappears from Mammon's face and you see the sincere misunderstanding in his eyes.

— «T-this is just no... nonsense! You just sa-said some stupid thing again, you...»

— «Sorry me...».

— You go back to your room, leaving Mammon alone.

— You don't know it, but he's actually going to his room right now and crying.

— He will really try to get you back and draw your attention to himself. But when he realizes that it's useless, he just gives up and goes at the casino.

— In fact, Mammon stopped coming to your room. He is very hurt and he does not react so strongly to insults from his brothers.

— The next time you see him, he tries to joke and pretends that he is the same as before, but you notice how he looks away because he can't look at you.

— He secretly dreams of hearing you say "I love you, Mammon!" again and seeing you smile just for him. But you won't say that.

Leviathan:

— Dumn, you're the most violent person in the world, you just absolutely killed this guy and destroyed the remnants of his self-esteem, what's wrong with you, bitch?!

— You were sitting in his room when Levi with a twinkle in his eyes, was telling you about a new MMORPG based on a popular anime that he watched recently.

— Out of habit, he gently took your hand and smiled happily. It was hard to tell him about the breakup at such a moment, but you knew you had to do it.

— «Levi...».

— «...It's just SUPER immersive. The graphics are so good that I'm LITERALLY confusing the game with life, we should to go into it together somehow and...».

— «LEVI!», – he only stopped talking when you screamed.

— «Yeah, MC? Something happened?»

— You exhaled, and then said what you've been wanting for a long time. You don't love him anymore.

— Both of you are silent for a while, and then he smiles tightly and nods.

— «It's okay, I'm just a nasty otaku. I knew sooner or later you'd figure it out and just leave me. I'll be fine».

— You see the drops of tears trembling on his eyelashes. Maybe you even want to comfort Levi (or not), but in any case, the demon asks you to leave his room, and you realize that now is not the time to argue.

— He hesitates to do this for a very long time, but a week after your breakup, he asks in the chat what the reason is. Besides the fact that he is, of course, so vile, pathetic and worthless that it's just a shame to be in a relationship with him.

— «I'm just in love with someone else».

— You don't get an answer.

— Levi hates it. Enrages. Annoy. He's jealous. Angry. ...and he's in so much pain.

— The next time he sees you with someone else, the Avatar of Envy assumes its demonic form, but calms down when he sees your scared and disappointed face.

— He apologizes, looks down and returns to his room. He probably won't be out of there very soon...

A/N: Levi suddenly turned out to be the longest???????? I just feel so sorry for this boy, gosh, you made him believe that you loved him, and then you left him so cruelly. You're just such a bitch, baby! 😭😭😭

I will try to write the second part!!

If there are any grammatical errors, then write to me in the comments or messages. Remember that English is not my native language. :^

[sissa-arrows]

The Rassemblement National, France’s largest far-right party and the second largest party in parliament, was literally founded by Jean-Marie Le Pen, a man who served as lieutenant in Algeria during the war of independence and used torture against Algerians. Electrocution, beatings, gang rape and water tortures were all used by Le Pen and his men.

Le Pen’s fascist movement was fueled by lingering resentment over a military humiliation. The far-right nationalists, settlers, military officers, and demobilized Paras nurtured wounds of a world lost, a war they believed could have been won, and the sullying of French power. The personal history of the Le Pens is interesting, but what’s more important is the way the Algerian conflict still casts a long shadow over French politics, and the way it has played into the nationalism and neofascism that still appeal to a significant portion of the French electorate. The war, France’s withdrawal from Algeria, and Algeria’s journey to independence were collectively a searing experience that polarized and radicalized politics.

Nothing else to add. Except the way people say “HE WAS NOT RACIST HE MADE SURE ALGERIANS WERE BURIED WHILE FACING MECCA” like not only it’s a rumor I personally don’t believe in but even if it was real are we pretending those Algerians didn’t need to be buried because of him? Like he killed them and not a fast death no he fucking tortured them but the fact that he may have buried them facing Mecca is supposed to cancel the killing and torture?

His party is probably winning the next election on top of it cause they succeeded in rehabilitating themselves. You know what they did? They realized that people only had an issue with their antisemitism (because let’s not forget that the party was also created by former Waffen SS) so they toned it down and stopped being obviously antisemitic going as far as pretending to fight against antisemitism while putting all the blame on people perceived as Muslims. The rest of their racism was never an issue for France only their antisemitism was? because France was forced to face the horror of WW2 so they have to pretend they care about antisemitism (I insist on pretend cause they actually still hate Jewish people). France was never forced to face the horrors they did in Algeria or even in the rest of Africa or in Asia so those racisms are deemed acceptable. They don’t pretend to care.

That being said, the day Le Pen dies I’m organizing a party and inviting all of you good people (I swear I’m seriously thinking about hosting a virtual dinner to celebrate)

[true-autistic-tales]

lovesickness, chapter 2 "the party"

"the chin-up" |</3

lovesickness is an au/fanfic made by me and has my experiences of being lithromantic and transgender but mostly lithromantic with some mommy issues as well tbh

warnings for this chapter: underage drinking, intimacy 👀

also keep in mind that new chapters will release extremely infrequent and that i am a beginner writer, thank you

the story under the cut

9:50pm, only a few minutes until the party. axl stood up in his room, looking over to his little brother, sleeping peacefully. a smiled was placed on axl's face but quickly removed as he walked over to the window and opened it, sean waiting for him outside. before he hopped out the window, he glanced at brick again and quietly wished; "you and sue deserve better."

axl walked up to sean, sean grinning at him. "you ready?"

"i guess i am"

near the entrance to the house party, cars and other teenagers littering outside. now that axl actually thought about it, he had no idea who was hosting the party but they did seem flirty in the invite text. axl, sean and darrin walked into the house to be greeted with more teenagers and stereotypical red plastic cups everywhere. axl suddenly felt anxious, wanting to stay in a corner with what felt like his only friends for the rest of the night, but something instantly caught his eye. an attractive tall african american boy siting on a couch, he was drinking something out of a plastic cup and was staring at axl. axl felt uncomfortable being so fondly stared at, thankfully sean noticed and nudged him, signaling that their group would be going into a different room.

they made their way to a different room which was the kitchen and somehow more messy than the livingroom but instead of plastic cups thrown everywhere it was empty glass alcohol bottles. sean frowned, even though he was an adolescent teen, he still hated alcohol and such of the like. darrin had other ideas; "this party ain't too bad." he tried lightening up the disappointed group, raiding the cupboards for food. "you think there's gonna be some pretty girls here?"

"yeah, probably," sean began smiling to him. "there's a lot of people here." sean turned to axl, suggesting that they should go off with some girls for the night, axl chuckled at him.

"who the fuck is going through my cupboards again?!" the attractive boy came into the kitchen angrily until he realized axl was there. "oh hi, sorry for staring so much at you, you're just so hot." he apologized and placed his hand out which axl accepted until the boy said the last part of his sentence. "im hutch, well, my actual name is charles but everybody calls me hutch." hutch beamed at him, staring at him again. "i don't think ive met you before, what's your name?"

"oh, um, axl- axl heck." axl awkwardly answered hutch, hoping sean would get him out of this like he did before. hutch lovingly smiled at him; "welcome to the party, axl!"

"thank you, dude." axl could practically see hutch's thoughts about him, he sorta liked it in a way.

"ahem! other people in the room too?" sean made a loud coughing noise to get hutch's and axl's attention toward him and darrin.

"oh, right, sorry fellas." hutch faced them, trying to be as polite as possible. "you would like a drink?"

"no thanks, im not into alcohol." sean declined, shaking his head with darrin, if they were caught drunk, they would be killed by their families, metaphorically speaking.

"axl?" he slided to the socially awkward teen, rising an eyebrow jokingly.

"i don't have a lot to lose, sure." axl stated, shrugging his shoulders. unlike his firends, he didn't care about what people thought of him anymore, or that's what he liked it think about himself. he knew he would get into deep shit and he secretly wanted it. hutch handed him a plastic cup with the alcohol and he chugged the whole thing before dropping and stomping it on the floor to everyone's amazement. axl felt a quick rush through his body then an instant warm low, he made a involuntary "ahhuck!" noise from the feeling and taste. "another." he command, hutch chuckled and bit his lip while sean and darrin began to worry.

"remember to go easy with the drinks, buddy." sean warned axl but he didn't take, he just wanted the feelings to go away. he hated those feelings and those memories of his parents hating him, he wanted to forget, please let him forget.

everything was getting blurry, axl had forgotten how many drinks he had but he knew that he somehow made it to hutch's bedroom,they were cuddling and axl's favorite song was softly playing somewhere in hutch's room. "do you know how fucking gorgeous you are?" hutch stroke axl's cheek, giggling a bit. he didn't know how to feel anymore, the alcohol did its work. he finally didn't worry about frankie and mike for this moment but he should have guessed what hutch had plans to do. hutch held axl's face and looking longingly into his eyes, after a while hutch lightly kissed axl on his lips. axl pulled in closer, holding hutch's hips. axl loved this, he loved disobeying his parents. he knew that identifying as a boy then playing with another boy would make his parents unbelievably pissed, and he loved it but still something in his head was screaming; "either get me off or get off me now!" axl didn't want to listen to that voice, he wanted to live. the boys chuckled as they rolled over each other, making out on hutch's bed. axl was finally free for the night and damn he was going to enjoy all of it even if he got that feeling, that feeling undescribable of disgust but he pushed on. and on. "i love you, ax." and on.

"i love you, charles." and on.

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

can you make the sfw alphabet for hyunjin? i rlly loved the one with félix <3

Sure! ❤

SFW Alphabet | Hwang Hyunjin

{Stray Kids Masterlist}

Warnings: suggestive themes but it’s only mentioned once

A - Affection

(How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first Hyunjin would be unsure with showing his affection

He would take a while before opening up to someone like that

So with his S/O, he wouldn’t be overly affectionate or touchy at first

But after be becomes way more confident around them, he would literally never let go

I can see his love language being either physical touch or acts of service

When he gets the chance to relax with his S/O, he’d be like a leech

Would keep his arms so tightly wrapped around them and complain whenever they tried to remove him

Even when just sitting on the couch together, literally all his limbs would be caging his S/O

He seems like the type to be very clingy to those he feels comfortable around, so his S/O would never catch a break

For acts of service, he would do small things for his S/O just to show he cares

Like making them some food after they’ve had a bad day or giving their head a rub when they’re lying in bed at night

B - Best Friend

(What would they be like as a best friend?)

Loud and annoying best friend definitely

Like his best friend doesn’t get a break from him

He’d be the type to just show up at their house uninvited

What’s theirs is his

Knows exactly how to make parents like him cause he’s so polite so he’d be the favourite

Sleepovers galore and walking to the park at some ridiculous time in the morning

He’d be the type to give his all in a friendship, so he’d be incredibly loyal and expects that back from his best friend

C - Cuddles

(Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’d only be very cuddly when it’s just him and his S/O

He’d be nervous to do it in front of people, even if it’s in front of the rest of Stray Kids

He would still sit on their lap / have them sit on his if he’s comfortable

But when their alone he would be a lot more intimate

Like lying across the top of them or running his hands along under their shirt

His favourite way to cuddle would be him simply just having his head in his S/O’s lap

He would love it because he’s a dramatic princess and would beg for his S/O to play with his hair and braid it

Every night he would just slump on the couch and force them to sit up straight so he can place his head on their thigh and they immediately knows what he wants

D - Domestic

(Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He’d wouldn’t be fussed in terms of settling down quickly

Although he would always think how cute it would be to share an apartment with his S/O where he gets to see them everyday

And when they finally do move in together, him and his S/O would become so fussy in terms of chores

Always disagree on who does what, so they’d have to end up doing it together so they can suffer the frustration together

They would usually share both the cooking and cleaning, but Hyunjin would prefer to cook since he’s rather decent at it

But overall, hates doing housework but he would rather jump off a cliff before he watches his S/O do it all on their own

E - Ending

(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Hyunjin seems like the type to avoid a break up as much as he can

If there was an issue between him and his S/O, he would try everything in his power to work it out without resorting to a break up

If he was to break up with his S/O, he would feel guilty about it

It would take him a while to muster up the courage to do it (unless there was a major problem)

He would want to stay friends with his S/O, and would always promise them they would remain close

Hyunjin wouldn’t let him and his S/O’s relationship end badly, but more on a mutual agreement

If his S/O was to suddenly break up with him though, he would get very in denial about it

His sadness comes out in anger, causing a screaming match between the two as he keeps denying them trying to break up with him

But after a while, when he’s calmed down, he would sit down with them and listen to their reasoning

It would take a while for him to recover from it, as he seems the type to pin his needs onto his S/O slightly

Some days would be worse than others, but soon enough he would be back to his cheery self and would accept being their friend again

He realises that staying together as friends with them would at least mean he still gets to see them

F - Fiancé(e)

(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Hyunjin seems like the type to take a while to commit to someone

Even when he first meets someone, he has to take a while to get to know them before he feels comfortable

Most people are like that though

But in a relationship, he would at first come across as either shy or aloof, as he wouldn’t be incredibly affectionate or loud

But when he starts getting comfortable, pray for his S/O

Doesn’t leave them alone, never

He couldn’t have a relationship with someone if they weren’t also his best friend though

So when he’s finally comfortable, he would become so committed

Always just assumes that he and his S/O will get married

Talks about it like it’s happening tomorrow

Of course it would be sometime in the far future, but he would love talking to people about what him and his S/O have planned for their wedding

G - Gentle

(How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

When he first starts dating, he would be so afraid of hurting his S/O, physically or emotionally

Comes back to how it takes a while for him to get comfortable with someone

But after him and his S/O become a lot closer and start to understand each other’s limits when it comes to harsh jokes or rough play

He does not hold back

Physically, he’s not at all gentle

When his S/O is just minding their business, he would take it as an invitation to tackle them to the ground

Or to pick them up and throw them over his shoulder

Even when just playfighting, he gets so competitive and his S/O has to beg him to lay off to let them breathe

Emotion wise, literally the last thing he would ever want was to hurt his S/O emotionally

Although sometimes he may accidentally say something that could be taken the wrong way, he never has bad intentions

He would love a relationship where him and his S/O can cuss each other out without actually meaning any of the harsh jokes

But if he ever accidentally goes too far and offends his S/O, he feels so guilty

Apologises to them over and over and makes it up with kisses and loving compliments

H - Hugs

(Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He obviously enjoys hugs so much

Only when he’s alone with his S/O though

In public, he wouldn’t be too lovey-dovey because he gets shy about it

But he also thinks his relationship doesn’t need to be seen by everyone else

But when he’s alone with his S/O, he becomes a lot more affectionate

Especially after a long day and him and his S/O are both sleepy and cuddling on the couch or before they go to sleep

You know those sudden urges to squeeze something that’s really cute? Yeah, he would get that every time he looks at his S/O

They could literally be doing anything and he would just throw himself at them, whining about how cute they are

But I think he would hug them the most when they’re in bed and just about to go to sleep

He could lay awake for hours and cuddle them, chatting and kissing with them until his words slur from tiredness

Usually his hugs would be very playful, but also would make his S/O feel very safe at the same time

He’s quite tall, and if his S/O is smaller than him, he would envelope them in his arms

When they’re lying down, he would wrap all his limbs around them, trapping them against his body

If they’re his height or taller, he would always give them back hugs and nuzzle his face against their back

I - I Love You

(How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes a very long while for Hyunjin to say it surprisingly

It would seem to be a very intimate thing to say for Hyunjin, so he would want to say it with a lot of meaning, not just during a simple conversation

But other than that, he probably prefers to say how much he loves his S/O in different ways like helping them with stuff and affection

When he does tell them, it would be in a situation like if they’re at the beach together late at night

His S/O may have had a bad argument with their sibling or their parent, and Hyunjin would have taken them to get Chinese food and sit in the cold air on the hood of his car to make them forget about their situation

They may be crying in his arms, having suddenly not feeling well and needing some affection

But during that moment and seeing his S/O so vulnerable in front of him would make him soft

It would just slip out, and he wouldn’t regret it when they lift their head and give him a kiss straight on the lips as a “I love you too”

J - Jealousy

(How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn’t get jealous too often, but when he does he gets jealous

Like resting bitch face, cold shoulder jealous

It’s not pretty, and a lot of the time I think his S/O would be able to tell quickly when he’s feeling replaced by someone

But he’d be that annoying type of jealous and be like “no I’m fine” when clearly he’s not

If it happens while they’re out at a party or something, he would be so passively aggressive towards the person he’s jealous of

Beyond petty

But when him and his S/O get back home, he would become so touchy and upset about it

Always begs for their attention and love, since he felt so left out when they were out

Denies it by the morning though, using the excuse “I was just tired”

K - Kisses

(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed?)

With Hyunjin’s big pouty lips, I’m sure he gives the best kisses

He would always be willing to give his S/O kisses, never gives up the opportunity to drown them in his affection

But he’s very teasing about it

Sometimes to annoy his S/O, he’ll pout his lips and lean towards them like he’s about to kiss them, but when they lean in he’ll turn away like nothing happened

Always gets himself pinned and getting smothered when his S/O has put up with it for too long

He doesn’t kiss his S/O passionately in front of other people, especially the other members

Because most likely Minho wouldn’t leave them alone about it

His favourite place to kiss his S/O would be their cheeks

Especially if they have squishy cheeks, since he can press his face against the chub and coo about how cute they are

His favourite place to be kissed would weirdly be around his shoulders and collarbones

Especially after a stressful day and he gets to flop into bed with his S/O and they take his shirt off and give him loving kisses around his neck and shoulders to make him relax

Never fails to help him drift off to sleep in their arms

L - Little Ones

(How are they around children?)

(I had to go back and watch that video of Hyunjin and Changbin playing with kids again for this lmafooo)

Hyunjin actually loves kids

If his S/O has younger siblings/cousins/nieces/nephews who he can play with, omg he’s over the moon

Will spend all his time trying to entertain kids

If there’s ever a time when he and his S/O have to babysit a relative’s baby, he’d immediately turn into dad mode

But throughout the time he would secretly be imagining that him and his S/O are parents looking after their own kid

Some times he becomes a bit of a punching bag for the kids, which is always funny to watch

But seeing his S/O with kids would make him blush so hard though

Like he finds the sight so cute and would always look forward to the far future when they can both have their own little family

M - Morning

(How are mornings spent with them?)

Lazy mornings

Takes him literally ages to open his eyes in the morning

His S/O would always wake up and find themselves wrapped up in his limbs since he becomes so cuddly at night

He prefers to stay in bed for a while and just chat, because he takes a while to wake up fully

They have to pry him off them if they don’t want to sleep in for hours

But quite literally they have to drag him out by his arms while he’s whinging about it being too early

N - Night

(How are nights spent with them?)

At night, he would be the complete opposite than in the morning

Always tries to keep his S/O awake with him because he’s a night owl and wants them to keep him company

Usually at night he would become more quiet though

Like he just wants some down time with is S/O and just spend hours on the couch together watching movies and cuddling

But his favourite would be just lying in bed with them while they play with his long hair or run their fingers along their back

He could lay there for ages in complete bliss, loving the feeling of his S/O’s hands on him comfortingly

O - Open

(When would they start revealing things about themselves?)

This is where I think Hyunjin would struggle a bit with

It would be very hard to get him to open up

Especially about very deep and personal subjects

He seems like he would never want to bother anyone, so telling his S/O about his worries makes him anxious

No matter how much they reassure him, he’d assume they’re only saying it because they have to

The only time he would really open up to them fully would be on days when he’s feeling more emotional than usual

He would lay in their arms and close his eyes as they rub their thumbs across his cheeks and talk about some things on his mind

It wouldn’t happen often as it was rare when he became comfortable to talk about his deep inner emotions

But when it does happen, his S/O would always remember what he said and keep it in mind

P - Patience

(How easily angered are they?)

He never gets angry, he just gets attitude

Knowing him and his sass, no matter how much he loves his S/O, they’re still going to fall victim to his sarcastic remarks whenever he gets the chance to say them

It would be a very rare sight to see him properly mad, since he would most the time just get mildly annoyed

The only time he would ever get mad is if his S/O put themselves in danger or if someone said something about them

So overall, he somewhat has patience

He fights bullshit back with more bullshit, so it cancels it out

Sometimes his passive-aggressive sass would get so bad that his S/O would have to tell him to stfu before he starts a fight

Q - Quizzes

(How much would they remember about their partner?)

His clumsy and forgetful ass would not remember anything

But his S/O can’t take it personally because he actually just can’t remember basic things

He loves them with all his heart, but knowing everything about them just isn’t his strong point

They usually have to remind him about things, like the names of their parents/siblings and their favourite restaurant

They would have to be patient with him, but he weirdly wouldn’t forget anything drastic like anniversaries or dates

R - Remember

(What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

His most favourite moments would definitely be the ones when they’re laughing so hard and smacking each other because they can’t breathe

That would be one of his favourites because his S/O is like his best friend at the same time

But his most favourite moment would honestly be one of their first dates when he brought them to a ice cream parlour late at night

It was around 11 at night and he texted them asking if they wanted to hang out since both of them had had a harsh day

They sat on the dark beach and listened to the calm waves while eating their ice cream, snuggled together in huge coats trying to hide from the cold

Afterwards, they went to the water and splashed each other, their laughter ripping through the silent night beach

It would always be his absolute favourite because he believes it to be the day when he realised he wanted to stay with them

S - Security

(How protective are they? How would they protect their partner? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s actually quite clueless when it comes to being protective

He tries very hard to be a safe space for them and make them feel protected when their together, especially when they’re out somewhere

He does small things like keeping his arm around their torso and pulling them close to his body if someone they didn’t know was approaching them

But overall, if a bad situation was to rise like someone flirting with his S/O or someone just acting weird around them, he wouldn’t be sure what to do

A bit panicky and slightly afraid himself, but he would keep putting himself between the person and his S/O, no matter how much confrontation freaks him out

He would like to be protected in a way that’s emotional

He wants to be protected from his own thoughts, as he seems like an overthinker

So most of the time when he’s not feeling well, his S/O would distract him and always reassure him that he has nothing to worry about and that they love him very much no matter what

T - Try

(How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would definitely be the type to “out-gift” his S/O on anniversaries

He ALWAYS has to get the better present, or have the better date ideas

He puts so much effort into everything, his S/O could never compete

On anniversaries, they would always wake up to a whole bunch of their favourite flowers and Hyunjin cooking breakfast for them in the kitchen

Would always have them pick where they go

It’s always either they go out to a really romantic and fancy restaurant or they just order fast food and watch movies and make out in front of the tv

For everyday tasks, he does small things throughout the day just to help out his S/O

Like tying their hair back if it’s in their face or giving them one of his hoodies when he thinks they’re cold

They don’t even have to say anything, he just knows

“Babe, how did you know I wanted tea?” “You were giving off “give me tea” vibes for some reason-”

U - Ugly

(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a bad habit of turning the cold shoulder when he has a fight with his S/O

He doesn’t like talking things out, but prefers to just wait until he’s calmed down before going on like nothing happened

Sometimes it would piss his S/O off a lot

On the rare occasion they have really bad arguments, Hyunjin would threaten to sleep on the couch

But when his S/O says “go ahead”, he lowkey would regret it immediately

But he’s petty, and he’s not going to let them win the argument that easily

So he’d try to sleep by himself, but at some time in the early morning he would slip back underneath the covers with them and whisper an apology in their ear while pressing their back against his chest in a tight spoon

He can never keep his stubbornness up for too long. His S/O just has to be patient with him

V - Vanity

(How concerned are they with their looks?)

I don’t think his appearance is one of his main concerns, but just like everyone, he would sometimes become quite insecure

A lot of the time he wouldn’t even mention how he looked, unless his S/O complimented him, so they would assume that he’s confident in his appearance

But when he does doubt himself a bit and perhaps question his S/O’s attraction to him, he would keep it to himself

Until it kind of spills out randomly to them

Like his S/O would say something about a actor/actress’s body and Hyunjin would just say out of the blue “do you wish I looked like that?”

That’s when he would admit to recently not feeling too confident in himself

But perhaps all he needs is a reminding from his S/O how much they love him and his body

W - Whole

(Would they feel incomplete without their partner?)

If Hyunjin had to go a few weeks or even months without his S/O (if he had to go on tour or something), he would gradually start missing them a lot

The first few days/weeks wouldn’t be so hard for him, cause the reassurance that they’re only a phone call away made him feel better

But after a while, he would grow homesick from them and miss their lips on his cheek and their hands on his body

Talking through the phone via skype or facetime would soon not be enough for either of them

He would become more down and become angrier easily

Would seek comfort in Felix, since he’s basically like a little brother to him who he can trust with anything

But when him and his S/O finally get to see each other again, they would not leave each other’s sides for a while

Would even follow each other when they’re at home and one of them gets up to go to another room

X - Xtra

(A random headcanon for them.)

One of his favourite things to do is show his S/O his dances

Loves the fact that they just sit and watch him for hours in the practise room, being so entertained by his graceful moves

Gets so flustered when they keep complimenting his talent though

And also just to make them happy, he would learn dances to their favourite songs

His S/O has an album in their phone just for videos of his dancing

Y - Yuck

(What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He dislikes people who do not have any sense of sympathy

Or people that do not understand that other’s emotions could be fragile

He’s a empathetic and emotional person, so he needs someone who wouldn’t hesitate to scoop him up in their arms when he’s feeling down for no reason

Having someone who would perhaps not understand why he can sometimes feel down randomly would make him frustrated and cause him to bottle things up

Even just seeing the negative trait in people during daily life makes him irritated

In general though, he would hate being rejected by his S/O

They always try to tell him to not take it personally when they say they don’t feel like cuddling one night or they don’t want to talk

He would always act like it doesn’t bother him, but in the back of his mind he’s questioning if he did something to upset them

Z - Zzz

(What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleep talks

Not excessively, but enough for it to wake up his S/O

None of the stuff he says makes sense though, it’s just gibberish

One time his S/O woke up to him shaking their shoulder

“Hyunjin, what’s wrong?” “We... we forgot to take the dog out.” “...we don’t have a dog”

Keeps an app in his phone that records when he sleep talks

Sometimes he would listen to them and hear his S/O responding to his weird statements

Never fails to make him slightly embarrassed though

SFW Alphabet Template

[sandbees]

Okay I was thinking about how the other charathers that Arent the great Seven would react to the NRC students in the house of mouse AU. Like i can Imagine Azul asking Ariel if She wants ti make a deal with him and Ariel Is like "lol no", or the First year see Cruella de vil at One of the tables and they are like "She look so much like Crewel that She's giving us PTSD" or kalim and Aladdin becoming buddies :D.

Well, let me put in some headcannons then:

Word goes around that some of the Great Disney villains come to visit Yuu and everyone gets jealous.

So now whenever Yuu goes to work they always get asked to have them visit their world.

So, Yuu just says, “Meh ok, you guys can visit me whenever just ask one of the Great Seven or go through the mirror in my dressing room-“

And suddenly Yuu gets someone they met from the House of Mouse ever other day. It’s literal chaos and Yuu doesn’t know if they should feel exasperated or flattered.

Anyways, here’s some interactions between the dorms and some Disney Characters:

Heartslybul: Obviously when Alice comes to visit, she comments on how Heartslybul reminds her of the Queen of Hearts’ garden. When Yuu mentions that they paint the roses red, Alice sarcastically asks, “Does the dorm leader behead people who don’t paint the roses?” “...Well, he’s more lenient now but...” “...You’re serious?”

Ace and Alice get along swimmingly, basically quick quips and a lot of teasing. Yuu regrets introducing them to each other because they know the two are going to get into some sort of trouble. Deuce also gets along with Alice, though he can get lost in Alice’s rambles in imagination.

I think Alice would get along with Trey and Cater. I mean, they both give big brother vibes (Trey more than Cater). Trey would give Alice some tarts and Alice is like, “....He’s cool.”

Cater is going to take a bunch of pictures, and Alice is very curious about the device he’s holding (I don’t think phones or the internet existed during Alice’s time so...). Cater ends up teaching Alice about the internet and phones.

Riddle...ohhh noo. Once Alice broke one of the 810 rules and Riddle lightly scolded her for it. Alice thinks most of the rules are ridiculous and while Riddle has toned down on being strict, he’ll quickly get annoyed with Alice questioning the rules. There’s rules for a reason! The dorm was founded on these rules!!

Savannaclaw: It’s Simba, obviously. He’s curious to see the dorm after his...nefarious uncle. It’s much more nicer than he expected, though he’s a little off put by the dorm’s...rowdiness.

But he’s impressed with the Magishift practices they have when Yuu showed them.

He likes Jack, right off the bat. Jack has this sense of justice that he can relate to. I think they would get along pretty well. Oh, and probably how strong and buff Jack is.

Simba is wary of Ruggie, due to him being a hyena beastmen. He has...bad memories of hyenas. His wariness is correct, since Ruggie has tried to swindle Simba and Yuu to do some of his work. Does the relationship get better? Only if Yuu makes them hang out with each other haha.

Leona reminds Simba of Scar...to a certain degree. Lazy, cunning, and has this look where it seems like he could be planning something nefarious...

Ok, maybe not that bad, but Simba is weary of Leona. He kind of expected a character similar to Scar since this is the dorm based on him but...still. It’s really odd. It’s kind of rocky, but if Cheka comes over to visit, well...it could get better.

I mean, Leona does find Cheka annoying and calls him a brat but...Simba can tell there’s no malicious desire towards Cheka, which raises Leona’s “evil people don’t interact” list. That doesn’t mean Leona’s in the clear, but he’s ok.

Octavinelle: Surprise, surprise, it’s Ariel! She comes over, human legs and all. (Don’t worry! She got them from the nicer sorcerers). She wanted to visit Yuu and see how great NRC was! They had fun, and then they went to Mostro Lounge.

Ariel is terrified of the Tweels. They give her this...off putting feeling and they’re very intimidating. She does not trust them at all. She does like how they get up close and how they speak as if she’s some poor soul waiting to be taken advantage over.

That’s also why she does not trust Azul at all. He reminds Ariel of Ursula - especially when he tries making a contract with her. Uh-uh, no way. Never again.

This leads to Ariel dubbing NRC a dangerous place for Yuu to stay at. Why doesn’t Yuu come live with her and her family back at her world? Surely it’s much more safer than here! Why, Melody already sees Yuu as a big sibling so why not just stay at the castle permanently?

Ursula fumes at the thought of her enemy trying to take Yuu away and become their parent. That’s her role, dammit!

Scarabia: Kalim invites Aladdin, actually. It’s the most funniest scenario. Yuu mentioned to Kalim about the street rat that wooed the princess and Kalim says, “:00 WE SHOULD INVITE HIM!!” Jamil sighs and facepalms.

It’s actually going great! Aladdin is kind of shocked at the big party that Kalim threw, but it was a great welcome. He’s shook that Kalim apparently trusted Aladdin enough to show him the treasury room. “It’s open for all of the dorm to use! I don’t need much of it!”

Wasn’t NRC rumored to be a villain’s school??? What is this ball of sunshine doing here???

Actually, the Scarabia duo are good in his eyes. Sure, a little rough around the edges with Kalim being a bit too naive and Jamil being more of a watching snake, but they’re better than what he expected. Aladdin gets along with them pretty well!

And then they go on a carpet ride when Kalim introduces Aladdin to his magic flying carpet.

Yuu and Jamil scream at the two of them to get down as they fly across the night sky.

Pomfiore: oh no. Oh no no no. Snow White visiting Pomfiore is like...Neige visiting.

Vil is cold to Snow White, and she knows why. She’s seen the images that Yuu had of this “Neige Leblanc”. He certainly reminds her of her younger days. Which is why she completely understands why Vil is so standoffish of her.

What she doesn’t expect is Rook singing her praises and also kind of...watching her. It’s low key creepy but Yuu says it’s normal and since he doesn’t mean any harm Snow White lets it slide. They do have a good conversation though. Snow White learns to understand Rook’s...eccentric hobbies.

Epel and Snow White go together like apples and oranges. They go pretty well together, but they have contrasting differences. They could be passed of as siblings with their cute looks, as much as Epel hates to admit it. Though I’d like to think they have this “Soft big sister with a gremlin of a little brother” dynamic. Or “Big sister that is harmless but has a badass little bother” dynamic. Just...a cool sibling dynamic, basically.

Ignihyde: Hercules comes by when he hears that a dorm was based off of Hades. He had to see what it was like. He expected the doom and gloom, but he didn’t expect all the technology.

He and Ortho go along swimmingly. I mean, he’s pretty chill around the more upbeat and cheery dorm member, at least. (Seriously, the others were such buzzkills). He also gets a good impression on Idia when Ortho affectionately talks about his big brother! Wow, so the kids here do have a heart! Unlike Hades-

Ok, so as much as Ortho talks so highly of Idia, Hercules does not see how Ortho does. I mean, Idia is a complete shut in and gloomy recluse! Why do you stick around him?! It isn’t until he speaks his mind about that comment does Ortho turn into a crazy murder machine. (“How DARE you speak of that about my brother!!”) Yuu has to save Hercules and the entire dorm before Ortho blows up the school.

So now Hercules sees how inseparable the two are and how much they care for each other, which yeah, that’s pretty cool. (Is also low key jealous, how come his half brothers weren’t like that?)

Diasomnia: Aurora visits with Maleficent. Both do not share ill will after their stories are completed. They actually do make amends. So Maleficent invited Aurora to see her grandson, and Aurora politely accepts.

They have tea with Malleus, and it is a very pleasant conversation. Aurora gets along well with Malleus, even suggesting maybe she should invite him and Maleficent to her kingdom one day. (Maybe when she gives birth to a beautiful baby. Maleficent liked that)

Lilia is also a fun one to be around! Aurora was so surprised by his scare that she had laughed. Ah, what a funny fae! Why, she hadn’t laughed this hard since...well, never. She likes Lilia and will come by if she needs a good laugh.

Poor Sebek though....he acts all uptight around Aurora because she’s a Queen and also aquatinted with Maleficent...he must be respectful to her at all costs! It takes a long time for Sebek to at least act a little casual around her. Maleficent says it’ll take some time, though Aurora isn’t sure if that time will come on her lifetime...but for the meantime, she is still happy to be around Sebek’s presence and have pleasant conversations with him.

Aurora and Silver...ok, let me say this: they got along during a sleepover. The Diasomnia gang + Maleficent and Aurora had a sleepover in the dorms to “better know each other”. I also think Aurora would feel sympathy for Silver if the conversation of him tending to fall asleep came up. Heavens knows she still has her sleepy spells even after her curse was broken.

Also- wofhenod I just imagine Aurora and Silver walking in the forest together and a bunch of animals surround them. (Yuu finds them and cries when they actually attracted a bunch of adorable puppies (or whatever animal you find cute). Cute, adorable animals that are so gentle with them that they start to cry due to stress from being at NRC (Silver and Aurora look at Yuu with concern and gently start comforting them)

Winfendien Suddenly I want a twin dynamic with Silver and Aurora. Even a sibling dynamic would be cool. Just two sleepy siblings that won’t hesitate to kick your ass.

[sneales]

Hii can I request one for jjk boys where they reject your confession initially but as time goes on they fall for you and regret that rejection

💔 JJK BOYS REJECTING YOUR CONFESSION (AND REGRETTING IT LATER) + HEADCANONS 💔

Characters: Gojo, Nanami, Itadori, Megumi, Yuta, Sukuna, Toji, gender neutral reader

Genre: romance

Warnings: grammar mistakes, mention of sex in Sukuna and Toji’s parts (I don’t know how you can write about them without mentioning sex lmao)

Notes:  Hello anon, actually my hugest headcanon for a Gojo x reader is that he rejects the confession at first (I’d like to expand it some day and write a proper fanfiction, but I wonder when I’ll have enough time to do that lol). I chose the characters I usually write about, I hope that’s ok :)

→Requests are open!

Gojo

I think he’s interested in you in a “I want to spend a night with this person” way, but he doesn’t really try to pursue you because he realized you have deeper feelings for him.

He flirts with you from time to time, but he soon pulls away, leaving you confused.

You know you can’t expect much from someone like him, but you also feel there’s something between you two so you decide to confess.

He’s a bit baffled because he was not expecting you’d be brave enough to confess.

Anyway, as expected, he rejects you.

I feel Gojo is a bit oblivious of his own feelings and kinda scared of commitment and intense relationships, so it will take him a lot of time before realizing that he made a mistake.

You’ll probably have plenty of time to get over him, find another good person and even begin a serious relationship.

And he’ll realise how important you were for him exactly when he’s so close to losing you forever.

He decides to keep his feelings for himself at first, because he knows he was a prick and confessing now that you’re happy with someone else would be very uncool.

But this doesn’t last long, he’s used to fight for what he wants and being considerate and self-sacrificing is not like him.

He confesses and you might probably get angry. You’ll think he’s just being whimsical and selfish like always.

But the truth is that he has always cared for you and you were rejected the first time because he couldn’t love you the way you needed to.

Now he confesses because he knows he’s serious and he feels confident about his feelings. He knows he can make you happy.

Nanami

He tries to be as kind as possible when he rejects you.

Honestly, this makes you almost fall harder for him because he’s so considerate.

Nanami thinks of you as a good friend and a good person but I feel he’s someone who needs a lot of time before really falling for anybody and consider a relationship.

So confessing to him was probably a smart choice, since now he can’t help but picture you two in a relationship.

He needs to slowly warm up to the idea and he might realize his mistake when he thinks that being with you is comfortable and fun.

He probably feels a bit embarassed now because he knows he has made a huge mistake.

I’m sure you’ll forgive him lol

Itadori

He’ll probably feel very flattered to hear your words but he’s not ready for a relationship.

He wasn’t really expecting that since he thought of the two of you only as friends, but that definitely makes him think about many things.

It’s interesting for him that you like him, he probably wonders why him, or what is special about him.

He’s sure there must be cooler guys out there. I think he feels a bit grateful and almost proud (?) like “hey, this great person likes me! isn’t it amazing?”, it was a huge boost to his confidence basically.

He realizes he’s catching feelings for you when Nobara tells him that it was stupid to reject you if he was so happy you liked him.

He’s probably “???” when Nobara tells him that. He’ll definitely look on google “how to understand if you have a crush on your friend”.

He’ll be honest about his feelings with you, he’ll tell you about his confusion, about how cool he thinks you are and about how happy you were when you told him you liked him.

Little by little he’ll understand he loves you back.

Megumi

Like Nanami, he’ll be very polite when he rejects you.

At first he might feel a bit uncomfortable if you are around, but he’ll try his best to behave normally.

He is worried you like him only because of his looks and his strength. He doesn’t think he has any other good quality.

He’s probably thinking you idealized him and you’ll soon forget about him.

I think some persistence here might work. He won’t believe you if you simply tell “I like you”, but you should be more specific, for example “I like how kind you are” or “You got angry because you wanted me to be less reckless, right?”

Megumi likes compassionate people, he doesn’t need anything else. So he wants to be liked in the same way, he wants to be loved for what he really is.

Show him you can read right through his soul, show him that you can go beyond his looks, his power and his difficult personality.

I think that being understood and accepted for who he really is will make him fall for you.

Yuta

He was so close to accept your confession because he hates hurting you, but he knows that would be wrong.

He feels as if he’s done the worst thing to you, so instead of distancing himself a bit from you, or becoming more careful with you, he actually begins hanging around you more often.

He often asks you if you’re ok or if you need anything.

You tell him it’s ok and he doesn’t need to be so concerned, it’s as if he is the one that got rejected lol

He can’t help thinking about you, and your confession opened him to new scenarios.

He has always considered you as his favourite person, but does that mean he likes you? How thin is the line between a person you like as a friend and a person you like as a lover?

When he’ll realize that maybe he likes you back, he’ll feel so bad about it and so stupid, if only he had realized it faster you wouldn’t have suffered because of him.

Nonetheless, he tells his feelings to you and you begin dating, but I think a part of him will always feel bad about the rejection.

Sukuna

I really appreciate your courage, I’m sure you don’t fear rejection because if you confess to him he won’t have any delicacy when he turns you down.

But… he thinks you’re really hot so he’ll propose some sex to you.

Now it’s your turn to reject him, you know him too well and you don’t want to be used by him.

Sukuna was never rejected, so I think this will give him a lot of complex feelings.

You just said you liked him, but you don’t want to sleep with him? Are you crazy?

Being unable to fulfill his desires simply make him desire for you more and more.

To the point he’ll tell you “You can keep liking me, but lemme f*ck you” and that’s ok for you, you can’t expect a more romantic line from him lmao

Toji

You need the same amount of courage you had when you confessed to Sukuna.

He thinks you’re hot too, but honestly your feelings are a nuisance for him, he doesn’t want anything serious with you.

Unlike Sukuna, he can keep his lust under control, so really even if he’s desperate for some sex, his decision to keep you at distance is more important than his instincts.

He really needs a change of mind before realising he made a mistake.

I think you really need to be a smart player here too, like Sukuna was stirred up by your rejection, here you should probably stick close to him.

The hardest Toji wants to think about something else, the closer you should try to get to him.

Seduce him, invite him, use every weapon you have because he’ll surrender to his urges sooner or later.

Persistence works and it feels like conquering a walled city.

[luvyanfei]

anon said. how about fluffy hcs with xiao, zhongli and xingqui taking their s/o out on a first date?

XIAO.

he already finds it difficult just to ask you to hold him without losing his cool, so how can he possibly bring up the idea of inviting you on a date? actually, he probably never knew the word ‘date’ even existed until he heard a passing couple staying over at wangshu inn dreamily talking about how they wish they could go to see the lantern rite festival in liyue harbor together for their first date. a first date, huh? now that he thinks about it, xiao never did properly try to court you, did he? it was always you who approached him first, who held your hand out to him, who confessed that you love him. you’re already giving so much dedication in this relationship. it’s the least he can do to return your affections, not just because he’s feeling a bit indebted, but because he’s your lover. unfortunately, being the awkward yaksha that he is, xiao overthinks the situation and complicates it more than he should.

every chance he gets is blown up by his anxiousness. whenever you come and visit him at the inn, you almost think that he’s angry with you from the way he throws you vicious glares. unbeknownst to you, xiao is actually making that tense face because he’s trying very hard, too hard in fact, to think of the best way to ask you out on a date and seeing you just makes him all the more nervous. he regrets it every time you step into the elevator while giving him a goodbye wave and saying you’ll come visit again. sure, he gets another chance to try and ask you out again, but he also has another chance to fail as well.

when you visit him for lunch, xiao quickly rehearses the words he wants to say to you in the back of his head before coming to greet you. ‘i overheard from a guest in the inn talking about a lantern rite festival. if you mortal, no, [name], desires to go, i can possibly set aside time to accompany you.’ keep it cool, yet short. taking a deep breath to compose himself, xiao walks over to greet you, er, well actually, you’re the one doing the greeting instead, and you settle down to eat. the sweet taste of the almond tofu that you generously bought for him blossoms in his mouth and he loses track of time till your departure. before you leave once more to allow the poor yaksha to wallow in his self-regret again, you stop yourself and turn around to face xiao. tucking your hair behind your ear and giving your best, most radiant smile you can offer to him, you shyly ask if he’d like to tag along with you to the lantern rite festival. “we’ve never been on a date before and i’d love to go to the festival with you and release xiao lanterns together.”

... what? how? his mouth almost opens up in disbelief, as he struggles to keep a stoic expression. ex-excuse him?! that’s supposed to be his line! he’s in shock at how easily you were able to say something that he’s been having trouble sputtering out. you mortals never fail to surprise him. he shakes his head and bitterly scowls, that you almost step back in fright. almost, until he starts speaking, that is. “why is it you? i should have been the one to ask you on a date first, not you!” he’s almost on the brink of tears from the frustration he currently holds on himself. 

a relationship is always about give and take, no? it’s like when zhongli has so kindly decided to save him from the clutches of the cruel abuse he endured endlessly, of course he was forever in debt to rex lapis. surely, it’s the same with you, isn’t it? when xiao tells you this, you immediately start laughing. you calmly explain to him that your relationship isn’t like a form of contract where he’s expected to always repay you back for every gift you give to him. as long as he’s there for you, that’s more than enough of a reward, you say, before plopping a chaste kiss to his cheek.  

“finally, you’re here. what took you so long?” xiao speaks to you with indifference concealing the relief that you actually came. he trails his sharp eyes to inspect your dressed up form and blushes slightly. “you look nice.”

immediately, your eyes widen at his underhanded compliment. did- did you hear that right? biting his lower lip gently, xiao clasps your hand in his, ignoring your astounded reaction, as he squeezes it reassuringly while watching the colourful fireworks light up the murky night.

without thinking, he turns to you when you’re focused on the display of bursting lights reflecting in your eyes, and murmurs to himself softly, “i hope you’ll spend the rest of your time with me, for however long it’ll last.”

XINGQIU.

of course, a date with xingqiu has to be extravagant and sophisticated to the last touch, right? guess again. he may come from a wealthy family, but that doesn’t mean he shares the same interest a selfish, pampered noble may have. he prefers something more simple, yet sentimental. confined in his household with nothing to do but bury his head in a book, he’s picked up some ideas for your date from the romance stories he’s read. surprisingly, they’re all rather cliché.  

the first thing he makes you guys do is go out in the blazing summer day to get yourselves a cool beverage. he explicitly asks the cashier to give him one straw [do they even exist in the game?] and smiles slyly as he thanks them and brings the drinks to you. when you ask about it, thinking that maybe he forgot, all he does is smirk before saying, “there’s no need, my liege. we can share, unless you’d rather melt in the sweltering sun, that is.” he winks teasingly. you... don’t really have much of a choice in the matter. as you stroll around the harbor together, you take turns drinking from the only straw and a wave of consciousness washes over you gradually. wait, isn’t this like an indirect kiss? you place a hand to your gaping mouth after sucking on the straw that xingqiu pressed his lips on merely seconds ago. you should know by now, how bold he is underneath his polite façade. 

after you finish sipping your drink - tediously at that, you both agree on going to the library to read books together since the heat is pretty unbearable to do anything enjoyable. xingqiu recommends you to try reading some of his personal favorites and you do the same as well. he’s thrilled to have a reading buddy now since it’s boring being here by himself. 

while you’re immersed in the novel that you randomly picked from the bookshelf, every now and then, xingqiu will look up from the pages of his book and faintly smile to himself, glad that you’re enjoying yourself.

the sun was setting and the stars started to appear in the pastel pink and orange of the evening sky. you place back the last book and stretch your arms, before turning to xingqiu. sighing, you give him a quick goodbye kiss on the cheek and softly say your farewell.

as you’re about to make your leave for the day, xingqiu halts you with his words, “wait. there’s something i need to do before we can end this date.” nonchalantly, he plucks a book from its shelf, opens its pages, and uses it to block the sunlight drifting through the transparent window glass, effectively shielding his vision from the public eye as he pulls you in for a passionate kiss.

his free hand finds its way combing through the back of your head to deepen the kiss. when he’s satisfied enough, the boy detaches his lips from yours and lightly rubs the flesh of your cheek with a finger, while placing the book down on a nearby table. you keep your eyes fixated on him as he licks the edges of his lips.

“that felt nice,” xingqiu murmurs, “you’re so sweet, i’d hate for anyone else to savor in this pleasant moment with you other than i. shall we continue this again on our next date too?”

ZHONGLI.

the first thing he does is make sure to bring mora, this time. it would be highly inconsiderate of mr. zhongli to have you pay for the expenses of this fine date. he’s one to take things nice and slow. sure, time is unfortunately measured and limited, but he wants to make the most of it with you, a mortal who, just like any other being, has a beginning and end to your life. zhongli wants to shower you in all the beauty and joy this world has to offer while you’re still here with him.

he may be a gentle-spoken and polite individual, but please don’t mistaken him as being shy in any way. he shows up to your residence one afternoon and presents you a bouquet of your preferred flowers while he asks if you would consider accompanying him on a date. you take the bundled up flowers, carefully stroking a petal as if it’s made of fragile glass and accepts his proposal with open arms. 

he takes you out to an expensive restaurant in the night of liyue and helps you select the best dishes. after you’re finished with your lavish and sophisticated meals, zhongli ushers you outside where you’re greeted with fresh air, a contrast to the suffocation you felt back at the restaurant. sure, the place is grand and your hunger is well-satiated, yet despite wearing your best clothing, you felt out of place there, like a commoner surrounded by nobles. 

when you express your earlier discomfort to zhongli, his eyes are filled with shame and he’s already apologizing like the gentleman he is. guiltily, you tell him it’s fine and you ask if you can show him something before you have to head on home. he ponders in thought before agreeing, walking hand in hand with you to your unknown destination. 

the chilling night breeze bites at your bare skin as you instantly shiver. this doesn’t go unnoticed in zhongli’s sharp eyes and he’s already unbuttoning his jacket. he drapes the coat over your shoulder blades and rubs his gloved hands on your cold fingertips to preserve warmth. “are you feeling cold perhaps? maybe we should head back?” you stop him before he can guide you back to the harbor. 

“i’m okay now. thank you for your concern.” you say to ease his poor mind. he nods and you both continue on. the walk uphill takes a while, but it’s worth it when you finally reach the top. your eyes widen in amazement as you witness the glimmering stars splayed across the pitch darkness of the sky. “zhongli, look. do you like it?” he simply nods, but all of his attention is focused on you.

zhongli grins down at your childishly excited face, pausing for a hesitant minute before he carefully places his hands on top of your shoulders. you look up at him in confusion and is about to question him, but any sound that comes out is cut off by his lips ensnaring yours in a kiss. you’re astounded by his intimate move, but you revel in his touch in a matter of seconds. 

he hopes, as he tightens his hold, that you’ll stay with him always, till your last breath. 

tagging. @scarymoosh

[cazimagines]

Every day, it feels like I've lost them again

Synopsis: Sam shouts at Zemo for the things he has done. Though Zemo doesn’t show it the words hurt him deeply. Later on the reader finds Zemo and talks to him about his past.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Bit of angst, Sad Zemo, mentions to his family’s death and his attempted suicide

Author note: I had plans for another Zemo one shot but then I watched a sad Zemo edit which made me cry and here we are

Cross posted on my Ao3 account under the same name

MASTER LIST

The streets seemed silent as you sadly walked home. The only sound was your footsteps dragging along the floor. The silence between all of you was piercing. Today had been an enormous failure, and you all were feeling it weighing down on you. Pushing down your hopes for things to improve. Zemo had somehow found out where the flag smashers would be, from a trusted source, he said, so you all went charging off to talk to them. It was a trap. Zemo didn’t know it was a trap either, though Sam still believed otherwise. You all had barely got out of there safely. It had been close, too close for your liking.

“There’s always tomorrow,” Zemo says, hating the stone cold silence coming from everyone.

“But there’s not,” Sam spits back angrily, “That was the one proper chance we could've had to talk to Kali, and we failed”

“You shouldn’t be so pessimistic,” Zemo argues back, rolling his eyes.

“Pessimistic. Are you for serious, pessimistic,” Sam says shaking his head at Zemo, “You hear this guy I’m the pessimistic one”

“Leave it Sam” Bucky mutters trying to push him along, but Sam refuses.

Sam steps towards Zemo, standing just a few centimeters away from his face, his eyes glaring daggers at him. Zemo stops walking, clenching his jaw and tilting his head to stare back at Sam, not breaking eye contact.

Both you and Bucky glance at each other, not really sure if you should stop this or let it happen.

“You could have led us to our deaths today, Zemo, which I am sure was your intention. You make it clear that you wouldn’t hesitate to see any of us off to our funerals. All because you got butt hurt about the avengers preventing Ultron from destroying the earth at the cost of your country.”

The breath leaves your mouth as the words slip out of Sam’s mouth. Your lips, slightly ajar, turn to look at Sam. He’s breathing heavily, glaring at Zemo. Zemo’s lips curled down into an angry frown and his eyebrows furrowed. You could see his fists curl up, something Bucky must have noticed as well, and he put a hand on Sam’s shoulder to pull him away from Zemo.

“Sam this isn’t the time”

Sam finally gives in and pulls back, but Zemo steps forward, grabbing onto his jacket. Bucky reaches for his gun, but Zemo waves his hand at him, motioning him not to.

“You don’t know the first thing about me, Sam.” is all he says, letting go of Sam’s jacket roughly and storming off.

It would be hours later till you saw him again. During that time your mind was often thinking back to Zemo. When you really thought about it, you realised you knew nothing about him. Heck, until recently you didn’t know he was a Baron. All you had been told was that he was a Sokovian who wanted to split the avengers up because of what they did to his country. Being a Baron, you supposed that made it more personal for him. Still, it felt like something was missing. Something didn’t add up.

You laid in one of the many guest rooms tossing and turning while all these thoughts flooded your mind. Eventually you gave up on the idea of ever getting sleep tonight and got up. If you weren’t sleeping, you might as well get some midnight snacks. Heading into the main room, you notice the door leading to the back was open, letting a chilly breeze float in.

Heading over to check it out, your eyes lie upon Zemo sitting on top of a fallen over tree trunk in the back patio, looking up at the night sky. His coat was wrapped around him to keep him warm, and his face was expressionless as he looked up to the night sky that was scattered with the stars. He hadn’t noticed you staring at him, his mind was far from where his body was.

After a few moments of just staring at him, you broke the silence, “Zemo?”

His head instantly snapped to you, surprised to have been caught unaware.

“Oh, hello y/n, can’t sleep?”

You shake your head, taking his question as an invitation to go over and sit next to him, “No, to many thoughts in my mind to go to sleep”

“Ah, a common problem for an insomniac”

“I assume you have similar reasons, since you are out hear”

He looks away from you, smiling weakly at the floor, “Yes something like that, sleep comes rarely to me”

Your eyes flutter down to the ground, not really sure what to say, “I’m sorry to hear that” you whisper

You both sit there in silence for a few minutes. It wasn’t an awkward silence like what you were used to. No. It was a comfortable silence. You were both thankful just to have someone beside you at that moment. You shudder slightly as the wind picks up, making the hairs on your arm stand up. Zemo notices and slowly shrugs off his coat, placing it around you. You smile politely up at him in thanks.

“May I ask what your thoughts were?” Zemo asks gently, glancing back over to you

“You probably think it was about our failure, right?” you say and Zemo nods his head slightly

“They weren’t, actually. I didn’t suspect us to accomplish anything. It seemed to good to be true. No, I was thinking about what happened after. Between you and Sam”

Zemo’s face instantly shifted, his mouth pulling into a frown and his eyebrows furrowing, “Ah” is all he says

“What Sam said was way out of line. I can’t understand the pain you must feel about losing Sokovia”

Zemo hums to let you know he heard but doesn’t say anymore, his gaze just returns to the sky.

You didn’t want to push him too far. Over this time you had gotten to know him and almost considered him a friend, but you couldn’t help but be curious. You wanted to know more about him.

“But there’s more isn’t there. Something we don’t know,” you say gently

You can see him swallow and his fingers dig into his palms as he tenses at your question.

After a moment he finally responds, “Yes, you’re right. I... I had a family who died that day. My father, wife and child. I told them to go out of the city to the countryside. That was where my father lived, you see. I had to stay behind as I was a part of this Sokovian kill squad. Even as royalty, I still had duties. I had faith in the avengers. They would sort everything out. But they didn’t. When the battle was one they just returned home, leaving us with the hard task of finding all the dead. I assumed my family would be safe, yet it took me two days after to find their bodies.”

Your body gets overwhelmed with coldness as you hear his story. The memories of the battle flooded your mind and you could feel a bitterness creep into your mouth. You could have stayed behind to help. Why didn’t you? Your eyes water slightly as you sympathise with him and feel the guilt lie on your soul.

“Oh god Zemo, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked,” you are quick to respond

“No...it’s okay. If I didn’t want to tell you, I wouldn’t have said anything”

You look up to the night sky and reflect over his words. All the pain that Zemo must feel, holding onto, and you did not know. None of you did. You were sure if Sam knew he wouldn’t have said the things he did. You knew what Zemo did was wrong, but damn you couldn’t help but empathise with him.

“If you want…” you start, hoping what you were choosing to ask wouldn’t be going too far, “would you like to tell me about them?”

Zemo finally looks away from the sky, his eyes looking to the ground. He swallows again, slightly sniffing before speaking.

“My Son, Carl, he was four when he... when he died. He always did this cute thing where if he didn’t like the food on his plate he would pretend he was gifting the food to you to show his love for you”

You chuckle slightly thinking about it, “That does sounds cute”

“He was the most precious thing in existence. He always wanted a sibling like his friends had. He loved the idea of being an older brother. Every morning when the mail arrived, he asked if he had a brother or sister delivered to him. Me and my wife… we were planning on having more kids. We knew he would've made the best big brother. We hoped for a girl, you know, to even things out”

“What was she like?”

“She was so beautiful. Like the goddess Venus. Many men tried to win her affection, but she settled for me. I had never felt like a luckier man. She was so kind, so generous, so loving. My perfect angel”

The tears that had been threatening to fall from Zemo’s eyes broke the dam and fell down his cheeks.

“If I could, I would give up everything I have, everything I own just to hold them in my arms again”

A sob breaks out of him and he holds his hand up to his mouth as his eyes crinkle up as more tears fall. He tries to wipe them away, but he can’t stop crying. You put your arm around him and pull him into a hug which he gladly accepts. He wraps his arms around you and buries his head into your shoulder as he sobs.

“I miss them so much”

You say nothing, just rub your hand on his back reassuringly. He takes a few minutes before he speaks again.

“I tried to end my life after I completed my revenge. So I didn’t have to live another day without them. But I failed. I spent the next seven years without them. And everyday it feels like I’ve lost them again,”

“What do you plan to do… after we have finished here?”

You can feel Zemo’s body tenses in your arms as you ask that question, “I think you know, y/n”

You pull back from him to look into his blood-shot eyes. “Zemo, I know this is so very hard for you, but please don’t. I know with your wit and cunning you can think of a way to escape all of this safely. I will not pretend to know your wife, but if she is anything like what you have told me about, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to either. She would want you to find some happiness in life,”

Zemo finally moves away from you, standing up off the tree log and taking one last look at the sky before then looking back at you. He’d stopped crying by now but the tear stained cheek and dark under eyes were evidence of what had just occurred. The side of his lip tried to twitch up into a slight smile but it faltered,

“Thank you, y/n”

Taglist: @multiyfandomgirl40 @ineffablebean @freyjasamael @avgravy @jayxkelsi @huntheimpossible @checkurwindow @there-goes-thefighter @bunniwritesx @montypythonsholysnail @yallgotkik

[animeomegas]

Omega!Light - How do his plans change? If he had a mate?

Anon:  How about light yagami as an omega? It would be interesting considering how he plans on being 'justice and creating a new world. How would he feel of having an alpha mate?

and

Anon: Could I request for an omega light. I feel like it would really be interesting and it would make sense with the story line a bit. Considering he wants justice and all in an alpha-dominated world. "Omega rules over the world type of stuff "

(Hmm, this was an interesting one to write! It was a bit of a deep dive into Light’s psyche~ I’m sick at the moment and not taking my classes so I’m bulk writing some older requests right now! Sorry it took me so long to get to this. Enjoy!)

Warnings: Mpreg, Discrimination,  Light’s general blasé attitude towards murder.

The World

Firstly, let’s look at the omegaverse world in Death Note (pre- Kira) and how it was for Light growing up as a male omega.

Light’s experiences with discrimination very much shaped his desire for justice. He felt like he was never given justice for the way he was treated and he was going to change that.

Omegaverse Japan was very prejudiced against omegas and Light felt these effects at a very young age. 

The first time was with an elderly neighbour of his. When his mother was proudly showing off his recent perfect test scores, the neighbour dismissed them with a comment about how he shouldn’t be focusing on education but on training to be a good mate and mother, and that alphas didn’t like omegas who focused outside of the family and the household. 

This was extreme, but it did reflect the biases of the older generations. 

At only six, Light was crushed, even if he kept those feelings to himself. Eventually, he vowed to show everyone who thought he couldn’t do ‘alpha things’ that he could, and not only that but he was better than any alphas at those things. 

Other examples of discrimination he faced are as follows:

Being told by his teacher that he should pick a new future career because “being a police officer is a demanding job. You’ll need to be at home for your future pups, Light kun!”

Alphas at his school never taking no for an answer when he rejects their advances (and the teacher ignoring this behaviour).

Gaining the attention of sleazy adult alphas starting from when he was only 14. 

In public, Light tried to play both a respectful genius and good omega boy. 

He would never dull his intelligence too much, but he remained soft-spoken and manipulated his way out of situations without causing a fuss. Eg. Claiming he was waiting until he finished school to court, rather than just rejecting his alphas classmates outright.

Light just found that this strategy made people leave him alone more often and therefore was his favourite. 

And then he finds the Death Note.

Kira

As an omega, Kira’s actions change ever so slightly. 

He is very harsh on hate crimes against omegas.

He goes so far as to seek them out, rather than mostly getting names from watching the news. 

This has the unfortunate side effect of L figuring out almost immediately that Kira is an omega though. Which ultimately increases suspicion on Light.

When Light finds out that L is also an omega, he can’t decide if he feels more or less angry. 

On one hand, he was imagining an arrogant asshole alpha that he would have been delighted to kill, so this is a more tolerable alternative.

On the other hand, shouldn’t L be supporting him making the world safer for omegas like them? It feels like L is betraying his kind which makes Light angrier.

In the earlier days, Kira’s focus on helping omegas and closing the discrimination gap makes him pretty popular, especially on anonymous internet forums. 

With an Alpha mate

Light met you at university. You were a tolerable classmate who expressed an interest in courting him. 

Light, although he had no interest in you, accepted the courtship to get L off his back. L had theorised that Kira was either an unmated omega, or mated and very angry/regretful about it. Considering Kira’s age, he decided it was likely the former. For this reason, he figured being in an active courtship would throw L off.

Light picked you because you were one of the more tolerable alphas, but he found himself surprised at how much he enjoyed your company. 

You actually listened to him, valued his opinions, supported his dreams. He found himself thinking that it wouldn’t be that bad to be mated to you. 

He pushed those thoughts back, following the courting motions with as little emotion as possible. 

But when he was in heat (a minimised one because he takes suppressants) he just really wanted you there with him. He was so confused and angry that he was feeling this way, but he caved in and called you over to spend time with him. 

As he laid in your embrace, he started trying to justify what he was doing. 

He liked to think he was a god, but ultimately he had the lifespan of a human. Who better to continue his legacy than his own child? For a child, he would need a mate. And you were the most tolerable alpha he had ever met. That’s the reason he was doing this.

So, he puts out feelers to see your opinion on Kira and eventually he tells you who he is. He is gleeful when he receives your support.

From this point, he throws himself into the relationship a lot more, moving on from courting to intended mates. 

He loves having someone he can be himself with. He never has to put up a mask with his alpha. 

His plan is to get pregnant after he’s established the new world order, then raise his child to take over when he’s too old. He doesn’t care what their primary or secondary gender is because he plans to make sure they are raised to be a suitable leader.

Light gritted his teeth as he persevered through his university coursework. His heat was driving him mad. He skin was itchy and he couldn’t focus properly. 

It would probably be better if you were here with him. 

No. He gripped his pen tightly. He didn’t need anyone else, certainly not an alpha. He was fine. He just needed to lay down for a bit, then he’d feel better. 

Closing his textbook, he stretched and made his way over to his bed, supressing a whine at the lack of a nest. No, he didn’t need a nest he was fine.

Okay, maybe he wasn't as fine as originally thought. It had been a few hours and he was only feeling worse. Maybe he should send you a message. Just so he could get back to work of course.

You knocked hesitantly on Light’s front door, clutching your bag tightly. Light had sent you a cryptic message and you were a little worried about him.

His mother opened the door and ushered you up to Light’s room with a smile. You thanked her politely before walking quickly to Light’s bedroom. You knocked twice before tentatively swinging open the door. You saw Light sitting up in bed, looking a little ruffled, like he’d been asleep. You took a deep breath. He was in heat... The omega you were courting had just invited you into his room while he was in heat! Your alpha puffed up in pride.

But... where was his nest? 

“Hey Light.” You spoke quietly. “How are you feeling?” You moved to sit on the edge of his bed, watching carefully for any signs of rejection. 

“Like crap.” He let out a strained laugh. “I need to get my work done, but I can’t do anything like this.”

You hesitated. “Where is your nest? You’d probably feel a lot better in there.”

“I don’t have one.” Light said shortly. 

“Oh!” You said, flustered. “That’s fine. I just thought- but that was rude, I’m sorry.”

Light rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, just drop it.”

You let out a sigh of relief, scooting closer to him and wrapping an arm around his waist. Light automatically leaned onto your shoulder before realising what he was doing and starting to pull away. Before he could, you tightened your grip, releasing a calming scent as you enjoyed the physical affection. Light hesitated, but the feeling of burning itchiness was finally starting to subside and he couldn’t help but lean into the person providing the soothing sensation. 

He was only doing this so he would be feeling well enough this evening to write in the Death Note. That’s it. Nothing else. 

[yee-fxcking-haw]

•Don't Say His Name•

Summary: This is a part two to Forget That Extra! There will at the very least be a third part, since this one ends unresolved and I have SO MUCH of the story left in my brain.

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo x Reader (both Bakugo and Reader are aged up to 18+)

Warnings: Rough sex, degredation, impact play, ddlg terms, unprotected sex, oral sex (male receiving), face fucking, a sprinkling of knife play, fingering, ruined orgasm, Dom Bakugo, Brat/masochist reader, tiny bit of angst.

Word Count: 6,115

Part One • Part Three

A/N: As far as tagging goes, I tagged those that commented on part one, and those that liked the post about this part. If you would like added/removed just let me know!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You walk down the hallway with all the confidence in the world. "You're my woman now." He had said. Katsuki Bakugo's woman. That's you. Walking through his agency covered in bruises he had left, and only he could see. It makes your insides twist and spark with excitement, the idea of belonging to that explosive hero.

You're on your way to his office now, coffee in hand as you try to make an effort at being an actual partner instead of just his play thing. You made sure to get the right kind of milk and sugar, and extra caramel of course. The past few weeks have been all about learning things like that, the little details about each other that exists outside the bedroom or a stuffy closet.

Just as you make the final turn to Katsuki's office, you see a wild flash of green hair and hear an excited voice say your name. A bright smile spreads across Deku's boyish face, cheeks all pink and freckled. He's all dressed up in his hero costume as he bounces towards you before speaking again.

"Hey! On a coffee run for the boss man?" He jokes, nodding at the hot drinks in your hands.

The boss man, right, he's your boss. He should definitely not have been in your guts less than twelve hours ago, and you definitely shouldn't have his teeth marks on your body.

"Oh yeah, either gotta keep him caffeinated or pick up pieces of exploded furniture, and I much prefer the coffee runs to clean up duty." You laugh with him, both of you knowing Bakugo's temperament far too well.

As you laugh your shoulders move a little too much and the strap of your bag falls off, catching on your elbow and nearly jostling the coffee to the point of falling out of the drink carrier.

Deku's reflexes are like lightning as always, before you can object he's taken the coffee as you slip the strap back onto your shoulder. Your cheeks flush as you mumble a bashful thanks then reach for the coffees.

"No I got it, let me walk with you." He says, "Can't risk dropping the precious cargo."

You both share another chuckle as you anxiously adjust your top, trying to tuck it more securely into your plaid skirt.

"Thanks, Deku, I would've been in for it if I had lost that drink."

You both take off down the hall at a rather lazy pace, sharing some pleasant small talk about your days. You find out that he actually just left Katsuki's office, they were going over some boring publicity stuff for their agencies. As you walk you find yourself laughing a lot, especially at Deku's impression of a very grumpy Katsuki.

You've only met Izuku Midoriya a handful of times, mostly in passing like this. Without fail, he's always kind and charming. He's the kind of person that leaves anyone he meets with warm, vanilla tasting feelings.

"Can I ask you something?" He says with a small voice.

"Of course you can." You say as you come up to the door of Katsuki's office.

"This might be a little out of line, and I completely understand if you wouldn't want to, I just- I was uh- I guess I was w-wondering if you maybe would consider grabbing coffee with me?" He trips and stutters his way through his invitation, and goodness it's so fucking cute.

You're floored honestly, of course you'd love to get coffee with him, it's harmless right? It could be, if you make it clear that you're with Bakugo. That's the problem though, being employed by him means you two can't be public about being together. That shit gets messy fast, so you've been sworn to secrecy.

"You're busy though, so I totally understand if you just can't find the time or if you just don't want to or whatever. I just figure you might like actually having coffee with somebody instead of being sent to get it for them, if that makes any sense… s- sorry… this sounded a lot better in my head." As he talks he fidgets with his hands and shifts his feet a little, emerald eyes searching your face for some form of an answer.

"Deku, I'd love to." You say sweetly before he can open his mouth and fumble through more words.

His shoulders drop and his face relaxes.

"Is six tonight ok? We can just meet here so you don't have to give me your address or go to my place, I know that can be uncomfortable sometimes so I figure meeting at a public place would probably make you feel safer- I guess if we-"

"How about you just text me the address of the coffee place you had in mind?" You say gently, interrupting as politely as you can.

You try to keep your voice down, a creeping feeling snaking up your spine. It feels wrong to be making plans like this right in front of your boyfriend's office, if you can call him that. There hasn't really been a lot of discussion about the exclusivity of the relationship, just that he hated the idea of you belonging to anyone else, and that he hadn't been with anyone else… maybe that talk needs to happen soon.

"Huh? Oh, yeah that's a good idea, I would just need to uh- if I wanted to text you I would need-"

"My number?" You giggle as you pull a sticky note and a pen from your bag.

"Uh, yeah, that would be it." He laughs nervously.

You quickly scribble down your number, your heart climbs to your throat as you offer him the paper.

"I'll trade you." You say, nodding to the coffees before sticking the note on his chest.

An adorable blush spreads across his already rosey cheeks.

"Oh yeah, boss man needs his caffeine." He says as you take them.

Just as you accept the drinks back, the office door opens slowly. The twist of the knob makes your chest tighten.

"Oh, there you are. You were taking so long I thought you'd gotten lost." He says gruffly before taking the drink you hold out for him.

His words bite you a little, but you have to just take it for the sake of appearing uninvolved.

"I thought you were leaving?" He asks Deku with a pointed gaze.

"Oh, Kacchan I was, I just uh-"

"He was helping me, I almost dropped the coffee and he was kind enough to carry them for me." You jump in, trying to defuse the tension building between the men in front of you.

You know bits and pieces of their old rivalry, only those that Bakugo let slip. For the most part they've out grown the school yard beef, but Katsuki is competitive, territorial, possessive. You know that it's grinding his gears knowing Deku was there to help you, which might be a fact you can have some fun with.

"So, six works for you?" You ask Izuku, voice laced with honey.

"Oh! Yeah, yeah six is great, I'll see you then." He says, folding the note with your number before sticking it in his pocket.

"I'll see you then, and thank you for the help." You smile, earning a sweet grin from him as he awkwardly shuffles away.

"Oh of course, it's never a problem! Bye Kacchan, thanks again for the meeting!" He damn near hops off down the hallway before disappearing around the corner.

Slowly, you turn to face your lover, apprehension written all over your face. He just sneers down at you before turning sharply into his office. You stand and watch him stalk to his desk, slightly scared to move.

"Get your ass in here, lock the damn door behind you." He says flatly before taking a sip of coffee.

You do as he says, letting the door close quietly before flipping the lock.

"So, I'm assuming you won't be joining me for dinner?" He says as he relaxes into his large desk chair.

"What? No, we can get dinner, I'm just grabbing coffee with Izuku." You explain, trying to sound nonchalant.

You take a nervous glance around his office, and a fond feeling blooms in your chest. It's organized chaos, as he calls it. The desk is covered in little travel tools and makeshift gadgets. He loves to tinker when he can't focus, he says it gets his mind back to a place where he can. He's talented too, could honestly run a whole side business on his creations alone.

The one time you proposed it he shut it down fast, he said he had enough jobs to do, that he wanted to keep his tinkering from becoming work. It brings the smallest smile to your face, but you're ripped away from your dreamy thoughts by the sound of his rough voice.

"First name basis, I see." He mumbles before taking another sip.

You can't help but roll your eyes. It's difficult to discern if he's genuinely irritated by you meeting Izuku, or if he's just trying to egg you on. Either way, you're going to have some fun with it.

"Well people don't usually call their friends by their hero names, do they?" You question as you walk around his desk so you can lean your backside against the edge.

Katsuki turns his chair to face you, glancing over your body once before finding your eyes. His gaze lingers on the undone buttons at the collar of your black top, revealing what you think is a tasteful amount of decolletage.

You sip your own coffee as he analyzes you, seemingly taking the bait.

"Friends?" He asks quietly, quirking an eyebrow.

"Ya know, someone who gets coffee with you instead of sending you on an errand to get some for them?" That was a bold move that will inevitably come back to bite you, but that's exactly what you want.

All of his fine muscles shift and tighten under his well tailored dress shirt as he leans forward in his chair. He places his elbows on his knees, and folds his hands under his chin as he glances up at you through his eyelashes.

A tense moment is spent between you, your chest lights up with nerves just a little bit. You hate it when he's quiet, he's much easier to read when he's mouthy.

"Sounds fun!" He says with far too much enthusiasm as he shoots up from his chair. Before you can reply, he's put his whole body in front of yours. He sets his hands on the desk behind you, efficiently caging you in.

Just like that, the air is hot and thick between you. He looks down his nose at you, waiting for you to answer. His eyes scream "try me" and it makes you dizzy. When you feel his hands slide over your knees, your head spins even more.

Willingly, you let him spread your legs open so he can settle his hips between them. As he moves in your skirt bunches up, revealing where your socks end to expose the thickest part of your thighs. Like a moth drawn to a flame, his hands are on the skin instantly. For some reason, that part of your leg, specifically when they're spilling over some snug thigh highs, makes Bakugo absolutely feral.

"So you don't care if I get coffee with him?" You ask, bringing your hand to tilt his chin up.

Reluctantly, he rips his eyes away from your legs so he can glare at you.

"I don't give a fuck who you get coffee with." He shrugs before sliding his hands up so he can grab your hips with greed.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't disappointed by how little he cares. Where's the guy that fucked your brains out because you simply talked to another dude? You're practically going on a date and he's just… fine with it?

"-But if you're going to get coffee with that damn nerd-" He ducks down and brazenly licks a hot strip up the side of your neck.

The sudden contact makes your eyes flutter as your chest deflates, a shock of heat already thrumming through your core.

"You're gonna do it covered in marks…" He abruptly scrapes his teeth against your throat, easily biting hard enough to create a bruise, as if you don't already have enough.

"... And filled with my cum." The statement makes you gasp, there he is.

His fingertips dig into your hips as he pulls you forward on the best, bringing your crotch flush against his while he looks down at you with a patient expression. The feeling of his hard-on pressing against your core will never get old, it never fails you send shocks up your spine and make your cheeks hot.

You're feeling spunky today, dangerously bold. A terrible idea creeps into your mind, wrapping it's fingers around your common sense.

You slide your hands up his abs, allowing yourself a moment to admire how sturdy he feels. Your hands secure themselves on the folds of his collar so you can bring his face back towards yours.

To mock him, you bring your mouth to his throat and let your tongue drag up his hot skin.

"That's funny." You say with a low voice before you plant a kiss right under his jaw.

"He said the same thing." You punctuate your lie with a nip to his skin.

"Oh you stupid woman." He huffs before he snatches you by the waist and hauls you off the desk. Your legs don't get the chance to hold you up, he spins you around and kicks the back of your knees with his shin, causing you to fall forward immediately.

Once you're kneeling he grabs the hair on top of your head and drags you along beside him. You yelp and grab at his wrist as you try to shuffle after him on your knees. He plants himself in his desk chair, not releasing his hold on your roots for a second.

He pulls your head back slightly, glaring down at you with furious ruby eyes. He looks so delicious like this, dressed in all black, hair and eyes wild as he plans how he'll break you.

His other hand comes up to grab your jaw a little too gently, eyes flashing down to where your skirt is still riding up.

"Are you trying to get hurt?" He asks calmly, thumb running over your chin.

"I'm trying to get fucked." You state simply, dropping your jaw open so you can take his thumb into your mouth.

He watches you carefully, breathing a little heavier when you swirl your tongue around the pad of his thumb before releasing it.

"-But if all you're gonna do is fuck around like this, I think I know somebody who might be up for the job."

All you can register is his face twisting as he realizes which way you're going, before the hand on your jaw pulls back. You brace for the slap, ready to feel the hot pain shoot across your face. Your thighs even clench a little in anticipation, but it doesn't come.

He just chuckles, laughs right in your face as he reaches for the drawer behind him, the hand in your hair releases too.

"Oh, I'm sure he would be." He pulls out a small black bag from the drawer, then slowly unzips it to reveal a wooden paddle.

You can't help but squirm where you sit as you watch him flip it in his hands before turning back to you.

"But there's no way in hell that prick can get you shaking like I can." He sets the paddle on his desk so he can start to roll his sleeves up.

You watch him carefully, nearly drooling over the way his strong forearms flex as he rolls the material of his shirt up. Your hands pull at the bottom of your skirt anxiously, needing to fidget with something desperately.

"I don't know about that, Suki, the shy, quiet ones are usually the nastiest, isn't that right?" You say coyly, trying to regain some control.

You're referring to yourself and he knows it. Hinting at how depraved you can be in the bedroom. You know he's right, he's the only one that can fuck you up the way you need it. It's fun to watch him twitch a little when you hint at Deku being able to compete with him, though.

"Get up here, bend over." He says shortly, neck and shoulders tense.

You're getting to him.

"I think I like it down here, I don't think I want to bend over just yet." You say with a deceptive sweetness.

Feeling bold, you slide your hands up the insides of his thighs, feeling the taught muscle under his dress pants.

Before you can reach his erection, his hands are latched onto you again. One in the back of your hair, the other crushing your throat.

"I fucking dare you, disobey me one more time. You will end up with a busted ass and a ruined orgasm, that's a fucking promise." He snarls at you, bending down so he can glare right into your soul.

His threats don't do a damn thing to calm your rebellious streak, if anything, it lights a fire under your desire to be the biggest fucking brat.

"The busted ass part doesn't sound too bad." You struggle to get the words out, working against the harsh grip on your throat.

He rolls his eyes before almost throwing you out of his hands. He sends one to the collar on the back of your shirt, and the other slides around the back of your thigh. With the new hold he roughly hoists you into his lap. You can't help but squeak when your stomach hits the tops of his thighs. Your knees barely touch the ground and your hands grab at the desk in front of you, trying to steady yourself.

He flips your skirt up and smooths a hand over the curve of your ass.

"Oh trust me, you'll fucking get it." He sends his hand cracking across your cheek, earning an involuntary moan from you.

Your body responds to the sharp pain immediately, cunt clenching and inevitably soaking your panties even more than they already are. You glance back at him as he rubs over the welt he's just created.

"These are cute." He says with a bored voice as he pulls at the string of your thong with one finger.

They're nothing special, a simple pink fabric thong. You didn't put on anything special since you were definitely not anticipating a situation like this to arise. A little foolish now that you think about it, given how many times he's grabbed you by the wrist and hauled in into some forgotten room for a quickie. Never in his office though, especially not during business hours.

Before you can quip back, he's pulling out his pocket knife. He grabs your skirt and hikes it up to your waist before he runs the point of the knife down your lower back. He uses the dull side of the knife, careful not to cut you, but the point of the blade still offers icy friction against your heated skin. Teasing you with the possibility that he could make you bleed.

You squirm in his lap as goosebumps raise all over your skin, pulling a deep breath in when he dips the blade under the waistband so he can flick it up, expertly slicing through the fabric. He makes quick work of it, cutting the pesky fabric out of the way so you're completely exposed to him.

"Does pissing me off always get you this wet?" He asks before flipping the knife away so he can run a finger slowly down your folds.

"That's from thinking about my date later."

That comment earns you a very sudden, very hard strike with the paddle. You bite your fist to muffle the cry that tears out of your throat, desperate to remain unheard by anyone outside of the office.

"Oh hell fucking no." Katsuki growls before quickly snatching up both of your wrists so he can pin them behind your back with the hand not wielding the paddle.

"You want to be a mouthy slut, so be it."

Another skin splitting hit to the other cheek. The pain is blinding, causing your body to jolt and twitch in his lap. You know your ass is going to be purple and welted for days, but there's not a chance you'll complain, because you absolutely love it.

"Is that all you got, sparky?" All you want is more, more bites, bruises, paddles. Anything Katsuki will give you, you'll take it with greedy, desperate hands.

"You're such a masochistic little bitch." His voice makes your pussy contract around nothing, then you feel the shameful sensation of your slick dripping down your thighs.

His hand comes up to grab at the reddened flesh of your ass, digging his fingertips in with a sneer. You feel his dick twitch against your stomach as you writhe from the sharp new pain he inflicts.

"You want me to touch you here?" He ghosts his fingers over your dripping core.

The tease is almost enough to make you break… almost.

"I'd rather save it for Deku."

There is no composed chuckle, no warning swat, not even a breath before you're shoved off of his lap so you can fall to the floor in a pathetic pile of bunched up clothes and desire.

You try to scramble to your knees, but the bottom of Katsuki's expensive dress shoe meets your sternum and forces you on to your back with a harsh push. He moves like a wolf, planting a knee on either side of your chest, caging your arms under his strong thighs. He leans over and seizes you by your shirt collar.

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that right?" He barks down at you, eyes ablaze with disdain for your bratty antics.

"You're gonna choke on my cock for that one, smart ass."

You shouldn't get a thrill from such a nasty threat, but your mind spins and your body sparks.

He makes quick work of his belt and pants, shoving them down quickly to expose his straining cock. It never ceases to make your mouth water, every inch is perfect. He's thick and heavy looking with a beautiful curve that feels devine inside you.

"Open up, and don't try anything cute." He huffs before grabbing the hair on top of your head to bring you towards his dick.

He slides into your mouth with ease, sliding the underside of his head along your tongue. You have to drop your jaw pretty much all the way in order to fit him, but you always love that part.

"Look at me, watch me the whole time." He orders, fist grabbing a little more firmly at your hair.

He presses himself into the back of your throat, the taste of the precum he's smeared along your tongue finally hits your taste buds. You savor the taste, eyelids fluttering ever so slightly but never closing.

Your eyes meet his just as you remember to relax your throat and let him all the way in. He somehow slides down your throat even further, balls pressing into your chin. You can't stop the drool that spills from the side of your gaped mouth or the tears that prick at your eyes.

He grins down at you, predatory and ravaging. Your legs twitch as your hands slide up to hold his sides, clinging to the fabric of his shirt as he starts to set a slow pace with his hips.

It's not the merciless throat fucking you anticipated, but he did only just get started. Something deep in your chest resents the slow pace, something depraved inside you wants him to use your throat until you're heaving and sobbing.

You moan around his cock and try to convey desperation in your eyes as you watch him move above you.

"Oh you poor slut, I know you want more, but you haven't fucking earned it." He says as he presses all the way in again, but this time he holds it there.

You dig your nails into his sides and close your jaw around him a little more, teeth teasing the skin of his hard on. His lip twitches into a snarl like a dog about to snap. He snatches your nose with his fingers, closing off your airway. You don't panic, not even close. You just glare up at him, having played this game many times.

"Little miss composed, huh? How about now?" He presses impossibly far into the back of your throat.

For the most part, your gag reflex has been trained out of you, but somehow he hits it right away. You open your airway and attempt to gasp, a fruitless attempt since all you can do is choke on his shaft. He doesn't release the hold on your nostrils, just glares down while you struggle under him.

Suddenly, but not soon enough, he releases your nose and rips himself from your throat. You let him pull you along like a ragdoll as he settles back into his chair, pulling you to your knees as you sputter and gasp and cry. He grabs you by the hair at the back of your head with one hand, and by the jaw with the other, a hold he's always been fond of.

"Now, unless you want to keep choking on my cock, I suggest you remind me who's about to fuck the breath out of your lungs." He says, low and vengeful.

You're nowhere near ready to give in, all kinds of lust oozes through your body. It's spreading like molten lava, destroying every ounce of self control you've ever had.

You feel drool start to pool on your chest, becoming suddenly aware of how much you're salivating.

Oh what a terrible idea.

You spit right in his face, body moving before your mind has a chance to tell it to stop. For the first time since this all started, you feel a little bit afraid. You welcome it though, scarf it down and wish there was more. You're like an adrenaline junkie, and your addiction is the menacing way Katsuki is looking at you right now.

He slowly wipes the offense off his cheek bone, giving a small, astounded laugh before he brings the palm of his hand to crack across your face.

You cry out as your thighs clench beneath you, your body giving away just how much you adore being treated like this.

"Do it again, please fucking do it again, make my day, bitch." Katsuki barks in your face, hands starting to shake a little. He's losing his calm facade, which is exactly what you want. He just needs one final push.

You open your mouth, ready to retort, ready to mouth off like the miserable little brat you are. You don't get the chance though, the words are smacked right out of your mouth as he hits you again. The sharp pain sends another shock of desire straight to your weeping cunt. You cry out as your head snaps to the side.

You take account of the drool leaking out of your mouth, the tears dripping out of your eyes, the slick sliding down your thighs. You're burning up and your vision is becoming unreliable. It might be about time to give in a little, indulge poor, pissed off Suki. You've gotten enough of a beating, now it's time to stroke his ego and get what you want.

"P-please, Daddy, I'm s-sorry." You sniffle, glancing up at him with big, pitiful eyes.

You don't expect the third slap, it's white hot and full of venom. You know without a doubt you'll be sporting a shiner from the assault.

"You're a little liar. You're not sorry, you just want me to put my dick in that stupid little cunt." He's almost yelling, trembling a little more as he sneers down at you.

If he wasn't pissed before, he sure as hell is now.

Perfect.

"How else are you going to send me to Deku full of your cum? Or am I going to have to ask him to fill me up?" Do you ever know when to stop?

"On my desk, now." He doesn't give you a chance to move on your own, he hoists you up by your waist and sets you on his desk. The abused skin of your ass stings against the cool wood. He pulls you by the hips so your ass is sat right on the edge.

He presses his face into your neck as your arms fly around his shoulders. His hot, open mouth against your neck makes you feel so incredibly dizzy. The soft feeling of his tongue contrasting so intensely with how harsh he's been.

"You make me want to blast this whole building to pieces." He huffs against your neck, your hands find his hair and you feel just how sweaty he is.

He braces one arm on the desk as the other reaches up to move your skirt out of the way.

"God, you're filthy. I can fucking smell how soaked you are."

His teeth sink into your neck as he unceremoniously slips two fingers into you. No, he doesn't slip them in, he shoves them in.

"Suki- fuck-" You say before a moan sneaks out of you, falling on his greedy ears.

"Huh uh- you can't keep that prick's name out of your mouth, say his name. I don't want to hear your whore mouth say mine." He crooks his fingers perfectly as you gaze at him with disbelief. The pads of his fingers hit that sweet spot inside you, and all you want to do is cry out for him, cry out his name.

"N-no, please, let me say yours- shit- please!" You shiver when he brings the heel of his hand to press into your clit as he continues to play with your insides.

"Then are you sorry? Really fucking sorry?" He asks as he adds a third finger.

You clench down on him, hips rolling forward as you let out a sad little sobbing sound.

You nod up at him, struggling to find the right thing to say. Obviously, that's not enough for him. He rips his hand out of your hole and slaps your cunt with incredible force.

You cry out and try to bring your legs together, but Katsuki anticipates this. Grabbing the insides of your thighs, he forces your legs open, causing you to lose balance and fall so your back is flat on his desk.

"I'm sorry, I didn't fucking hear you." He says as he grabs his cock and starts to pump himself just inches from your burning center.

"I'm sorry, I am, I'm so sorry, Suki." You say urgently, pushing yourself up on your elbows so you can truly meet his eyes.

Your core just aches as you glance down at his hand stroking his erection.

His free hand comes down against your pussy again, making you jump and whimper. The sting is exquisite, but the throbbing in your walls overrides it.

"I don't believe you, give me one good reason I shouldn't blow my load all over your thighs and send you on your way." His hand picks up speed and you start to panic a little, he might go through with it. You've pissed him off enough, it can't end like this though, no way in hell.

As quickly as you can, you rid yourself of your shirt and your bra. You leave your skirt and your socks on, knowing that combination is a favorite of his. He watches you like a hawk as you lean back down onto your elbows, eyeing the fading bruises all over your chest and down your stomach.

"Because baby," You coo as you bring your fingers to your mouth, "you need me as bad as I need you." After wetting your fingertips, you bring them down to slide over your hardened nipple.

His hand falters slightly as he watches you play with yourself. He pulls his bottom lip into his mouth when you tweak the sensitive bud.

"God- fuck- you little tease." He whines before shifting towards you.

In some ways, Katsuki is a simple man. All it takes it some teasing and some tits and he's a goner.

In the blink of an eye, his hands have a hold on the backs of your thighs as he folds you up. You feel the tip of his dick rest against your entrance and you almost scream.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, are you fucking sorry?" He's on his last leg of restraint, the grip on your thighs is absolutely bruising and you can see beads of sweat rolling down his temples.

"I am! I swear I am, I don't give a shit about him- I don't- fucking hell, Suki!" Before you can finish, his thumb is rubbing at your clit as he slides in.

Every nerve in your body responds as he does, you throw your head back and let yourself feel it completely. The drag along your walls is maddening. The second his head presses into your cervix you moan and twitch, and more tears pour from your eyes

"I'm going to make sure you are." He growls.

After he slowly pulls back, he fucks into you like it's the last time he'll ever get to. Every thrust in makes you see stars. You let a sob wrack your body as you claw at the desk.

"How would you feel if I couldn't stop saying some other bitche's name?" He says as he delivers a particularly harsh thrust.

Your stomach twists at the thought, jealousy claws at your insides.

"Makes your skin crawl doesn't it?"

"I didn't m-mean it, I'm s-sorry, sir." Your body rocks on the desk as his hips meet yours, so much rage behind his movements. You feel your body start to tighten, the nerves in your core start to get that wonderful warm feeling.

"Why do you keep doin' that shit then? Huh?" You feel a small twinge of guilt because of how genuine the question sounds, how there's just a hint of genuine confusion in his voice.

"Baby- I- fuck- I didn't mean it, I swear- shit, I'm so close." Your walls start to pulse around his cock, the rest of you starts to squirm.

"You want me to hurt you? Is that it?" He smacks the underside of your thigh after his question, earning a deep moan from you.

"Fuck! Yes, I love it when you hurt me." You admit, voice warbling as your orgasm approaches rapidly.

"Then just fucking ask me for it." Then he stops, stilling completely inside you. It's enough to drive you up a wall, your orgasm runs away from you. All of the building pleasure slips through your fingers.

"No no no! Suki please, I said I was sorry, I meant it, please I was so fucking close!" You beg as your fists hit the desk, almost throwing a tantrum.

"Maybe Deku can help you finish." He says shortly as he pulls out and starts to fuck his fist, with a groan and his head back, he finishes on your thighs as promised. You watch in horror as his release paints your skin white, his soft moans and sighs fall on your ears and it makes your heart sink.

He wastes no time in tucking himself back into his pants, making himself look composed in record time.

"I have a lot I need to get done this afternoon, clean this shit up and be home by eight." He says with a flat tone.

You just lay there dumbfounded as you watch him stalk out of the room without a glance your way.

You did it. You pushed too damn far. Katsuki never leaves you hanging like this. There's always a few gentle kisses, a few mumbled reassurances, it's never like this. Even when it was just quick fucks in a closet, Katsuki would offer you a few moments of comfort afterwards. You hit a nerve, you must have. Something far past you're usually bratty teasing.

The sound of the office door closing makes you flinch. You glare down at the mess he's left on you, eyeing the shredded remains of your panties on the floor. No way in hell you're going to coffee with Deku, not with the horrible feeling settling in your gut. You don't know if Katsuki will even want to talk to you, but you have to try, you have to make this right.

Taglist:

@iloveitblackbhna @midnightartist @oblxvion @imonlymildlyinsane @kasumireads @nobody-says-hello @kibayoukai @michigood9618 @evierena @kimchi123n

[gud-soup]

a/n: Heyyyy! Thanks for your request! Have no idea as into why your text came out like that and not as a bubble... guess I'm still not good at using this platform, so I used a different font for your request, hope you don't mind

Before getting started, I HOPE you didn't accept those things from your ex, it's rule n.1: NEVER, EVER, EVER GET BACK WITH YOUR EX, There's a reason why you two broke up, so leave it like that and move on! (Please let me know what you did because I'm getting worried here)

Also, roses that are going to die soon and 100 bucks? Really? First of all, why? It's not like you're on sale (besides for such a miserable amount...)!

P.s (food is always the best choice anyways)

Let me know if my writing was okay and what happened afterwards with your ex!!!

➳ Masterlist

JJK MEN HEADCANON:

Their ex shows up at their front door with a special gift

Gojo: confused but will accept, besides, he's definitely not stupid to refuse money and pretty flowers for a pretty boy.

He doesn't get the reason why they came to see him at first, but then obviously his enourmous ego will take over to say that it was because everyone can't get enough of him as he's the best at everything, litterally everyone falls for him in an istant and so did they, how could they move on after meeting him? Impossible, right?

He won't be afraid to say this things out loud and more, ready to tease them (and subtly humiliate them,) with both sweet and sour words

Will probably invite them in and there are a high chances of ending up in bed with him

That was for sure the last time they saw him though. After that, he was unreachable and impossible to find, he made sure that they'll never get to see him again (try to understand him, it's for pure satisfaction...)

The reason for the previous point? Well, think about it, he's known to be a hoe, so one night stands and occasional meetings would be a routine for him; but what about an actual relationship? What if he eventually agrees on dating someone? I believe that although he might not show it, he must have been heartbroken for whatever happened that caused a split up, the only way to cope with that? One night stand and a little humiliation, no feelings, just fun (and frustration)

Agrees with me: if they had brought food, it would have been wayyy better (he would have preferred sweets, but he'll buy them with the money they gave him)

Nanami: A gentleman that will try his best to say no to the offer and politely invite them for coffee (not because he wants to, but for good manners), will *calmly* slam the door as they exit his house and deeply sigh

He dates for love, not adventures. He's truly committed and will do anything for his someone; the break up was unexpected and it hurt a lot, since he convinced himself that maybe he needed to finally get over his insecurities made for his job and go for it, believing that the power of love would have been stronger than anything

You can imagine how confused he was, not understanding what was happening, as a lot of flashbacks of the time passed together kept coming up to his mind. The taste was bitter, he hated it, he hated seeing their ex. He didn't want to relive the moment

Mama didn't raise an awful man anyway, so he will reluctantly welcome them home, making sure to not even touch them or getting too close

He will always ignore and reject all the offers made and for sure refuse the gifts, particularly the money

Will offer some coffee and hope that they'll get out soon

His ex will try everything and he was this close to give up, but luckily he remained composed and adamant

Stern look on his face, arms crossed, tapping his fingers and checking every now and then his watch while standing at the furthest place possible across the room, not really listening to the conversation, but thinking about his previous relationship

He might look cold, but please understand that it's just because he doesn't want his heart to be broken again

He'll eventually accept the flowers, as a quick way to get rid of them (just remebered in the manga panel that Nanami has different plants at home, and my heart fluttered a little)

Will cancel all of his appointments afterwards, as he still has to process everything. Apparently, he didn't get over it yet

Will be more irritated than usual, to the point that even Gojo will leave him alone

Geto: Surprised but will be calm and very good at faking interest

Didn't expect a visit from his ex, and will be quite surprised

Will kindly ask the reason and welcome them home to smash talk

Will carefully listen and reply with interest to their ex, happily accepting the presents, offering some tea and have good convo with them, truth is, he doesn't even slighlty care (what a great actor)

They "casually" end up in bed

Will ghost them as soon as he closes the door

Will brag about them with Gojo as they have a delicious meal with the money given and post it on social media with some corny and subtly mean caption dedicated to his ex (mean girls vibess)

Sukuna: Slices them at the front door

They're lucky they weren't already dead by the time the break up came up!

Absolutely confused, will get on his defensive and attack with very harsh words, and fake disinterest on their visit

"Know your place, you fool", the AUDACITY to come back after he spared your life?

Then again, with money? Flowers? What is this? A funeral? (It's soon going to be anyway)

High chances his ex is going to casually "disappear" for a very long time

Note: the ex should have come with food (It's canon that Sukuna's favourite hobby is eating)

Toji: Takes the money and runs

Will probably take advantage of the situation as soon as he sees the money (completely ignores flowers)

Will welcome them home with a big grin, appearing like the sweetest man in the world

Will ask anything and fake interest on their ex's visit, eyes still glued on the money, replying with hums and nodding his head

Absolutely snatches the money from their hands, and immediately puts it in his pockets holding it as his dear life depended on it

Will ask them to stay and take all the required time

Will use the flowers given to make his stinky bed and bath more "romantic"

Will use them till they're broke and he's bored

Note for the ex: congratulations on using an effective mode to both be used and become poor, beacuse this man won't let you go till he says so

Choso: Incredibly awkward and confused

Doesn't get the reason of the visit

In full defence mode, as he doesn't want his feelings to be hurt again

Will weirdly accept the gifts and silently welcome them home with a judgemental look on his face

Is afraid something bad will happen, so they'll take extra caution like Nanami, by staying as far as he can from them

Initially doesn't like the idea of seeing them, but turns out to be a quite peaceful conversation and had some quality time

As soon as he gets the actual intention will stand up and kindly escort them out giving back the gifts as he closes the door muttering a simple "Thank you for the visit" almost impossible to hear as he sighs and thinks about the relationship with them

Will probably cry a little

Annndd that is all, I guess... should have posted that wayy earlier but I always felt asleep and forgot to keep writing it and finish, but I guess it's done...

Let me know how it was and leave a few suggestions that I might add, and don't be afraid to make more requests!

Byeee!

-P

Hi, i hope your doing well <3 So, my ex just randomly showed up at my house with roses and $100 🧍🏾‍♀️ so i wanted to see how the jjk characters would react to their S/O’s ex showing up at their door w/ money and roses😭 you can do whoever you’d like but can one of them be Nanami PLEASE?? Thank you ❤️❤️

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that. 

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him. 

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things. 

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation. 

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit. 

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do). 

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster. 

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

[benjaminmoorepaint]

red: the color of...grantaire?

Figured I might do another meta post like the one I did for Marius to address the myths and misconceptions surrounding certain characters, so it's Grantaire's turn!

I'm sure we all know Grantaire quite well...a sensitive starving artist, with his Apollo as his muse, and a cynic who pragmatically points out the flaws in Enjolras's idealism, which they quarrel over.

Let's unpack that!

Grantaire is most likely middle class if not wealthy, he is certainly not poor. We don't know what he's studying (if he's studying at all) but he is nevertheless a quintessentially Parisian bourgeoise "student", much like Bahorel. "A rover, a gambler, a libertine..." As the foil of "severe in his enjoyments" Enjolras, Grantaire is a pleasure-seeker, indulging in the excesses that Enjolras disdains.

Again, though we don't know what Grantaire is studying (and I suspect he's just Bahorel-ing it) he's clearly an educated man, judging by the references he throws into his speeches, and he mentions that he once was a student of Gros.

So is he really an artist? He might have been an apprentice at some point, but it's clear he was not particularly enthused by it. After all, discipline is something that Grantaire…lacks. And because it's Grantaire, you can't completely discount the idea that he made it up just for a pun (though I do find that unlikely.) But it's a triple (quadruple?) play--it's important not to take this quote too far out of context because he's actually saying several things here.

It is a shame that I am ignorant, otherwise I would quote to you a mass of things; but I know nothing. For instance, I have always been witty; when I was a pupil of Gros, instead of daubing wretched little pictures, I passed my time in pilfering apples; rapin is the masculine of rapine. So much for myself; as for the rest of you, you are worth no more than I am. I scoff at your perfections, excellencies, and qualities. Every good quality tends towards a defect [...] there are just as many vices in virtue as there are holes in Diogenes’ cloak.

Gros was a well-known neoclassical painter of the time, and I believe Hugo's inclusion of him here is a jab at the neoclassicists, as Grantaire doesn't seem to care for him.

There's a pun! "Rapin"--term for a painter's assistant--is the masculine of "rapine"--to steal.

So he likely means he stole the apples intended to be painted for a still life, which fits his careless attitude... but he's ironically putting himself down for it too, and at the same time

putting his companions down, saying they're no better than him even if they do have more "good" qualities because each good quality has a corresponding downside, so what's the point, really?

You can see that even in this small sample of his speech that Grantaire often has layers upon layers of meaning in what he says. He's a smart guy! But that means you can't always take what he says at face value, as Hugo says, he's constantly "reasoning and contradicting" himself. So let me invite you further down into what I think his real meaning is here (though now firmly into the depths of my own conjecture, so others may have different interpretations.)

I would speculate that "the rest of you" who he professes to mock refers mostly to a specific person, you can probably guess who. After all, Enjolras is surely the paragon of virtue among them, and you could certainly argue that his good qualities edge on being flaws. I think Grantaire is right about that, and it's a sort of theme we see pop up again and again--the Bishop's generosity does hurt the women he lives with, Valjean's self-sacrifice hurts Cosette, and Javert is someone who's tipped all the way over to his virtues being vices.

But like, man, come on. Seriously. "I scoff at your perfections, excellencies, and qualities." Dude. We all know that you're obsessed with this man.

And you might notice that this is just a whole lot of Grantaire talking and talking over people, never letting anyone else get a word in. It's not a debate, Grantaire never actually debates anyone, let alone Enjolras. The idea of Grantaire debating Enjolras and making him see the flaws in his idealistic revolution is wholly a fandom invention.

The closest we get, really, is Grantaire trying to convince Enjolras to send him to the Barriere du Maine...and Grantaire doesn't come out of that looking so good.

“Do you know anything of those comrades who meet at Richefeu’s?”

“Not much. We only address each other as tu.”

“What will you say to them?”

“I will speak to them of Robespierre, pardi! Of Danton. Of principles.”

“You?”

“I. But I don’t receive justice. When I set about it, I am terrible. I have read Prudhomme, I know the Social Contract, I know my constitution of the year Two by heart. ‘The liberty of one citizen ends where the liberty of another citizen begins.’ Do you take me for a brute? I have an old bank-bill of the Republic in my drawer. The Rights of Man, the sovereignty of the people, sapristi! I am even a bit of a Hébertist. I can talk the most superb twaddle for six hours by the clock, watch in hand.”

I won't bother going too in-depth here since you're probably familiar with all this--Grantaire talks a big game and then fails to follow through. And we see one of two red waistcoats mentioned, neither of which are worn by Enjolras.

Grantaire lived in furnished lodgings very near the Café Musain. He went out, and five minutes later he returned. He had gone home to put on a Robespierre waistcoat.

“Red,” said he as he entered, and he looked intently at Enjolras. Then, with the palm of his energetic hand, he laid the two scarlet points of the waistcoat across his breast.

So yeah, it's actually Grantaire who wears red, at least canonically! I know their popular red/green color scheme comes from the musical, but it might be fun to reverse it sometimes...I think Enjolras would look great in a nice emerald green, and he'd be more likely to wear that, actually.

Why? A red waistcoat like would be a very obvious, in-your-face political statement--perfect for Bahorel, the other red waistcoat wearer, but Enjolras is actually a lot more reserved and less reckless than fandom sometimes makes him out to be. Wearing something that blatant isn't really his style.

The real question is, why does Grantaire, of all people, own one? Why has he read Prudhomme and the Social Contract and the Rights of Man?

Grantaire is not a super sympathetic character. He's a man of means, talent, intelligence...and he wastes those gifts and privileges on doing nothing, he has no aims in life, he does not aspire to do better or make the world better. He may be Enjolras's foil but I would also contrast him with Feuilly, who has spent his life dedicated to improving himself and the world despite the challenges he's faced. He's obnoxious to women, denigrates his friends for their beliefs, and is generally useless. He's given the opportunity to change and he squanders it. He's not so much cynical (because that's a belief) as he is indifferent, which is arguably worse. His indifference can certainly be read as symbolic within the group, their belief versus the apathy of the world.

But, layers upon layers...Grantaire does have a good heart hiding underneath all that. What I've been getting at all along here is that he does care; he may say he doesn't, he may even believe he doesn't, but he does, clearly, care. He says he hates mankind; he loves people. He says he scoffs at his companions; he admires them. He declares himself indifferent, yet he can't help but talk about the sufferings of the world.

Which isn't to say that simply caring absolves him of anything. Up to this point, he's still just been a useless layabout. What does absolve him (narratively speaking) is the first time, possibly the first time in his life, that he chooses to act. He chooses to take a stand. And this transfigures him, as Hugo says.

Grantaire had risen. The immense gleam of the whole combat which he had missed, and in which he had had no part, appeared in the brilliant glance of the transfigured drunken man.

At the last moment, he chooses to believe, and Enjolras finally accepts him.

One last thing: Grantaire never calls Enjolras "Apollo". Furthermore, he's actually the only one who couldn't have called him "Apollo". The only line where this nickname is mentioned is as follows:

It was of him, possibly, that a witness spoke afterwards, before the council of war: “There was an insurgent whom I heard called Apollo.”

Who could have called him that? Not Grantaire, he was fast asleep during the whole thing. So I choose to believe it was Prouvaire…he would.

[ninyard]

part two of the stefan/andrew au PLEASE

WELP this might not be the part two people wanted but here’s what I wanted so~ enjoy!

(Part 1 ? is here)

((this got rly long so I had to stop but if u want a third part lmk 🥺👉👈))

Neil made his first mistake by not bolting the opposite way when Coach Hernandez told him he had visitors. An Exy racquet to the chest and a single glance at those bright hazel eyes turned Neils entire world sideways in seconds. This couldn’t be happening. Neil almost couldn’t hold back the ‘Andrew?’ that wished to escape his lips. Of course, this wasn’t Stefan’s Andrew, but Neil knew that already. Life had turned Andrew Minyard into a man of manufactured emotions, a life of violence and misled decisions landing him on Coach Wymack’s pity party guest list that was the Foxes’ lineup. Andrew didn’t flinch looking at Neil, and Neil begged the universe to have erased the memory of Stefan from Andrew mind. He hung around a motel, for Christ’s sake, how many other people would he have met before and after Stefan? Neil Josten looked totally different, with puberty, hair dye and new contact lenses on his side.

The second mistake he made was not realising Kevin Day was going to be around. If Andrew wasn’t dangerous enough, Kevin was even more so. Neil couldn’t believe his eyes the moment he looked closely at the teams lineup from the previous year. Kevin Day would have forgotten Nathaniel Wesninski, he was sure of it, but to look across to a picture of the teams goalkeeper and seeing the short blond boy he met in California? It was a sure sign for Neil to stay the hell away from South Carolina.

Neil’s biggest mistake was deciding to push his luck and take a plane there to sign with the Foxes. He was signing a death wish; but he didn’t care anymore. He was a dead man walking, living off stolen hours. It was only a matter of time before someone caught up with him. His mother was dead, god, his mom, Mary Hatford, the woman who taught him how to be. It wasn’t just like Debby, who died leaving Toronto, or Alice, who died leaving London, or Judy who died on the train between Germany and Prague. This was permanent, and Neil didn’t think he could run for much longer.

Andrew didn’t say anything during their meeting, in which he had plenty of opportunities to at least look like he recognised Neil, or the features of Stefan still left on his face. Kevin didn’t say anything either, and his words made it clear he didn’t remember Nathaniel, either. Neil was walking a thing line between life and death, with Stefan on one shoulder and Nathaniel on the other, waiting to tip him over, to expose the truth, to leave him buried like his mother.

The first night Neil slept - or more so lay on the couch in silence for hours, brain filled with noise and regret - in David’s apartment, he couldn’t stop thinking about Andrew. He couldn’t stop thinking about the kid with white-blond hair and a toothy smile, who ran his fingers so gently over Stefan’s skin, like he would break if Andrew dared get any closer. He couldn’t stop thinking about the playground, and the motel, and the kisses… and the punches, the kicks, the pulling of hair, the slaps across the face with yells to accompany them. Before Neil knew it he was stuck with his face hovering over the toilet bowl, his stomach threatening to burst at any moment. After a minute of gagging and spitting into the water, Neil washed his face and headed towards the balcony that David told him to smoke on if he needed to. This was one of those needing to moments.

Weeks went by without any indication he was going to be caught. Kevin looked at him like a stupid amateur, which was good for Nathaniel’s sake, but for Neil? Neil, who fought like his life depended on the racquet in his hands? Neil, who ran like his father was hot on his heels every single time he set off down the court? It hurt him to be insulted so often, but Kevin was leagues above him when he played. Neil was never going to be good enough. Andrew avoided him as much as possible. Nicky told him that was just how Andrew was; if you brought him no benefit, or if you made him bored, he would put you on a high shelf and never look at you again. By the way Andrew only spoke to Neil when Neil stood up to Kevin, Neil thought it was obvious that Andrew didn’t recognise him.

And then came the invite to Columbia.

“Get rid of the contacts, by the way.” Nicky had brushed off the realisation like it was nothing. It sounded like ‘you have something in your teeth’ but felt like a screaming siren above Neil’s head. It felt like a punch to the gut, like a gun to his head. “Andrew’s decision. And brown, Neil? You’re so predictable and boring it’s adorable.” He’d left a bag of clothes with Neil.

When Neil looked at his blue eyes, he felt too many feelings he couldn’t describe, or name. He felt like he was looking at his father. He felt like he was looking into the mirror like he had the last time he was Nathaniel. The last time he was in Baltimore. He’d cycled through the catalogue of contacts during his time on the run, but never once went back to blue. They were the icy eyes of a murderer, not the eyes of quiet, boring Neil. But at least they weren’t green. Neil was worried about Kevin recognising him by his eyes, but it was going to be dark out by the time they left. Neil would just have to stay in the dark around Kevin, and hope he got too drunk to notice, too drunk to remember.

When Andrew’s group came to pick Neil up, there was a change in dynamic Neil hadn’t seen before. Instead of Nicky being the middle man in their conversations, or Kevin being the reason to talk, Andrew was taking charge of their night. Neil’s heart raced every time he looked into his eyes. Every time he heard that voice it told him to run, the same voice as before, only deeper, emotionless. Neil couldn’t imagine this Andrew crying. Neil couldn’t imagine this Andrew being open, about his sexuality, or his feelings. If he didn’t look almost the same only older, he would probably doubt this was even the same Andrew.

“Oh! Oh, now, that’s interesting!” Andrew had commented as Neil left his dorm room. Nicky, Aaron and Kevin had walked ahead of the two of them. When they’d disappeared around the corner into the elevator down, Andrew turned and grabbed Neil’s face to inspect it. “What a change, hmm? Blue to brown is a bit drastic for fashion, don’t you think?”

“I’ve never liked my eyes,” Neil spoke through the fingers that rested over his lips. “I’ve worn them brown most my life.” Andrew tutted as Neil spoke, but left that thought there. His features were angry, like Neil had insulted him, but he S miled like he’d been talking to his best friend. He placed a cigarette between his lips as they joined the others in the elevator.

Before long, they were walking through the doors of Eden’s Twilight, music pumping and swirling through the air, vibrating their bodies as they walked. Andrew motioned for Neil to follow him to the bar once they’d found a table.

“Shots on me.” He’d come down from his manic high, waiting for his dust adrenaline to kick in. His smile was gone, but his tone and way of speaking was still the same. “What do you drink?”

“I don’t,” Neil answered, having to yell over the music.

“Sure you do.” Andrew waved him off. “I’m being polite. What do you drink?” He asked again, as the bartender came over.

“A coke for me.” Neil told the man behind the bar before he could ask Andrew. “Just a little ice.”

“See, now, Pinocchio, when someone offers you a gift you say thank you and accept it.” Andrew turned towards the man. “Roland. This is Neil. He’s a newbie.”

“I hear you,” Roland nodded, already placing shot glasses on the tray he’d put on the bar. “My choice, with dash for the new kid.” He poured a clear spirit into eight shot glasses, and used the fountain tap to fill a larger glass with cola. Andrew passed cash over and waved off his change as a tip. Before Neil knew it he was heading through the crowd, Andrew balancing the tray on one hand held high above his head. They reached the table and nothing has spilled, and before Neil knew it, the shot glasses were stacked in a tower on the tray as Neil nursed his coke.

“You don’t drink.” Andrew turned to Neil after watching the others take to the dance floor, coming up on their high, dusting when they couldn’t be seen. “Why?”

“Hate the taste, mostly.” That would be the truth if ‘taste’ actually meant ‘feeling of being out of control of my body’. He shrugged at Andrew’s dissatisfaction with that answer.

“You come to university and you don’t drink?” Andrew scoffed. “Do you smoke?” Neil shook his head. He’d tried an edible by accident once in some cafe in Europe, and got so paranoid they had to move on that night. He swore he saw his dad staring in the windows in the red-light district, a blunt between his lips, a smile made of murder wrapped around it.

“Not for me.” Neil took a sip from the cold coke. “Hard to find when it’s not legal and I hate the cops. Takes too much effort to roll.” Neil lied, like he knew what he was talking about, but he just remembered watching people in the cities he went to, everywhere having their local stoners, the folks who sat in the parks without a care in the world.

“You don’t drink, you don’t smoke, you won’t dust.” Andrew rattled off the options. “Is it molly you’d prefer?” And when Neil shook his head again: “Psychedelics? Benzos?”

“I’m just not interested.” Neil looked into his glass, focusing on the ice. If he kept looking at Andrew he felt like he would crack. “Don’t we get tested before games anyway? What’s the point?” Andrew didn’t answer before he heading back up the bar. Neil didn’t follow this time. When he came back, there was ten shot glasses on the table. Again, eight filled with an unnamed spirit that burned Neil’s nose and twisted his stomach. The other two were cola.

“I’d hate for the new boy to feel left out.” Aaron, Nicky and Kevin had arrived back to the table for their shots. Andrew handed Neil one of his glasses. Neil knocked it back when the others did. It was ordinary coke, no surprises, no weird tastes, no reason for Neil to believe Andrew would have given him a shot of alcohol instead. That was, until he clinked glasses with the others and swallowed the second shot in a quick movement. He felt the alcohol burn his throat. It warmed his chest, but the familiar feeling wasn’t what worried him. It was the taste of salt on his tongue when he hadn’t licked any before hand. He quickly excused himself from the table and left for the bathroom.

Andrew had drugged him. He didn’t know why, but all he knew was the crackers were already coursing through his veins with deadly adrenaline. He was sure his racing heart wasn’t helping. It didn’t help, either, when Nicky reached the stairs before he did, and pulled him in for a salty, dusty kiss. Neil pushed him off as discreetly as he could.

“Nothing?” Nicky complained as he Neil bounced up the sticky stairs two steps at a time. Neil was sure he heard him say something about Neil being too hot to be straight, but the roaring anxiety in his ears was enough to drown it out. He locked himself in a stall and tried to best to throw up. He hadn’t eaten before he’d left, and he hadn’t drank anything other than he soda, so his attempts were fairly futile. A knock at the door interrupted him, and when he answered with a quick ‘occupied!’ He heard the door unlocking from the outside. Andrew pushed his way into the cramped stall and shut the door behind him. Before Neil could even begin to object Andrew had grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall, Neil struggling to keep his balance with the toilet in the way.

“You don’t like the taste of alcohol or you’re afraid of losing control? Telling your truths?” Andrew’s drug induced smile had returned with mischief and malice. “Let’s see how this does!” His voice was low as he spoke, with an enthusiasm to his words that made Neil sweat. When he went to protest, Andrew covered his mouth with his free hand.

“Shut up,” He clicked his tongue. “You have spent your entire extended stay here lying to me and lying to poor, gullible Coach. I see the way you look at Kevin, too. Either you’re lying about not swinging or there’s something deeper to that intimidation.” Neil tried to get out a ‘I don’t swing.’ Before Andrew shushed him again. “Don’t keep lying, newbie! One last chance at honesty.” He lifted his hand no more than an inch from Neil’s mouth. Neil was sweating, his hands shaky, his mind turning into fog, desperate to cling to any sort of euphoria it could find. When it’s search came up empty, it filled his stomach, his head, his hands, his feet, with anxious buzzing instead. He couldn’t ignore the nauseating feelings the drugs brought with them.

“I don’t swing,” Neil stood his ground. “I don’t.” Andrew brought his hand up to Neils hair and yanked him down to his level, hard. He kept an inescapable grip in his curls as their faces almost touched.

“Still don’t know?” Andrew pouted in fake-pity. “Ten years later and you still don’t know?” Neil’s stomach would’ve fallen from his body if it’s got the chance. His heart would’ve went with it when Andrew continued. “There better be a good reason for Neil existing, Stefan, and I can’t wait to hear it.”

“What?” He tried, but it was no use. His voice failed him, cracking as the futile attempts at lying left his lips. “I don’t know what-“

“Shut up.” Andrew repeated. His grip not relaxing. Neil was worried he was pulling his hair from the root, but that was probably the least of his worries. Probably. “Do not lie to me again.” Neil searched his eyes for a sliver of doubt. A tiny, tiny possibility that he might think he was wrong. It wasn’t there. He’d been caught.

“Andrew.” He wrapped his hands around Andrew’s wrist, the one hovering over his head, muscles tense from the grip on his head. “Can we talk without ripping my fucking hair out?”

Before Neil could react, Andrew had let go of his hair, but in doing so, had swung his head with full force into the side walls of the stall. His balance finally failed him, but Andrew caught him by the neck of the black turtleneck he’d been gifted. He heard a few stitches pop, but it didn’t matter. The sudden movements turned Neil’s stomach with a violent wave, and he gagged hard, his stomach threatening to come out his mouth. He leaned over to spit into the toilet and bared his teeth at Andrew, breathing heavily through them.

“So he lives,” Andrew smiled, his pupils blown, a white-knuckled hold on Stefan-Neil’s collar. Neil was afraid he was going to pass out. His body was on fire, his mind screaming like an emergency broadcast alarm. “Tell me you didn’t know, oh humour me! I’d hate to think you’re stupid enough to come here still in possession of the memory from there.”

“I didn’t think you’d remember.” Neil didn’t break eye contact.

“So you ARE that stupid!” Andrew pushed him back, letting go of his top. Neil tried to assess his escape routes, but it was no use. He couldn’t get out of this. “I remembered little Stefan the second Kevin showed me your file. I didn’t think it would be you, surely it couldn’t be, but our little visit to fuckport, Arizona couldn’t lie to me like you did. So is it Neil, or is it Stefan?”

“Neither.” He spat out the honesty, worried if he waited, another lie would take it’s place. “But you can call me Neil.”

“Oh, no, no!” Andrew grabbed him by the neck, holding his jaw in a way that could become a choke very quickly. “Maybe I’ll stick with Stefan. You don’t get a say. You know, I thought mommy killed you.” A knife twisted in Neil’s gut.

“She’s dead.” Neil tried to breath through his unwanted come-up. “That’s the only reason I’m here. Because she wasn’t alive to stop me.”

“Did you do it?” He held Neils face like the world would end if he let go. He held even tighter when Neil tried to pull away.

“No.” That was all he said. He thought about continuing, considering the fact he was a dead man already. But he stopped himself. How could he say it was his dad without saying he was the mafias right-hand-murderer? Was he wasting his time lying?

“Didn’t think you did.” Andrew laughed, barely even blinking as he intimidated Neil. “No balls then, no balls now.”

“I was twelve.” He spat through crushed cheeks. “We were kids.”

“Old enough to be a liar.” Andrew let go of Neil’s face with a forceful push and turned to open the stall door. “You’re going to lead us outside. If you deviate or try to run I’ll kill you. I will kill you.” So Neil did just that. He led the way in silence, down the stairs and towards the exit. When Nicky stopped and excitedly asked where they were going, Neil looked back to Andrew who waved his pack of cigarettes, a smile on his face, no essence of a lie present. Neil just kept walking, kept his head down, and tried to ignore the pain on the side of his head. When they reached the outside of the club, the brisk air biting their exposed skin, Neil turned to the first man he saw, a club-goer at the top of the queue, and swung a punch up. Andrew noticed the second his hands left his sides, balled up with a plan. The man threw a hefty punch back, shouting intimidations, knocking Neil’s short frame to the ground. As quick as humanly possible, Andrew had hoisted him up, wrapped his arms around his back and twisted his wrist in such a way that a single jolt would break it. He held him in that position with one hand, putting all his strength into keeping Neil still.

“He gets crazy on tequila!” Andrew laughed, shaking his head as he took out his wallet and pulled out a fifty note. He threw it at the guy as compensation, his friends holding him back from beating Neil’s vulnerable, ballsy ass. He continued yelling as Andrew hauled him away. He grunted in pain as he refused to loosen his grip on Neil’s wrists. He walked him around the back of the club, to an empty, barely lit parking lot. He threw him to the ground so quickly he didn’t have time to stop his fall.

“Every moment I spend around you, you prove you’re much fucking dumber than I thought.” Andrew spat down, then crouching down to Neil’s level, balancing on the tops of his feet. Neil cradled his head, arms wrapped around the nape of his neck. He was sure he had a concussion. He could barely open his eyes through the pulsing blood rushing through his head, but forced himself to, to look up at Andrew’s smiling face.

“What happened?” Spit dripped down his chin, blood slowly trickling from the busted lip he’d earned himself. “What happened to that Andrew?” Andrew froze for half a second, and Neil noticed. “The Andrew who cried because he was gay? The kid who actually fucking cared about anything?”

“Oh, you are treading thin fucking ice for someone who doesn’t know how to swim.” Andrew tilted his head. “Mention another precious memory and I won’t hesitate to actually break your wrist next time.”

“Why?” He spat blood at Andrew’s feet. “Afraid somebody might remember what you’re actually like when you’re not pretending to be a sociopath?” Andrew opened his mouth at the challenge, a smile creeping up one side of his face. “Are you afraid to actually have someone around you know anything about you? I’m a threat. That’s all you care about.” He continued. “What, do you think I’ll use it against you? You’ve been treating me like shit since we met. If I was going to stab you in the back I’d have done it already, asshole.”

“Since we met, again.” He corrected the most irrelevant part of Neils sentiment.

“Let me go now and I’ll move on. You won’t ever see me again.” Neil bargained. Andrew’s eyebrows twitched ever so slightly. “This time I’ll get a chance to say goodbye.”

“No,” Andrew stopped him. “You don’t get to arrive in to my life like a tornado and disappear. You don’t get to dig your own grave and push me into it.” He bent down to get closer to Neils shaking face. “You’re going to tell me exactly what happened first. Tell me what she did to you.”

“No.” Neil strained. “I moved on. You were dangerous. You almost got me killed.”

“Boohoo, do you hear my tiny violin, liar?” Andrew grabbed a hold of his hair again. Neil let out a cry of pain, trying to pry Andrew’s fingers from his scalp. “Talk. Talk or I will get you killed.”

“My father is a very dangerous man. He’s murdered more people than there are days in a year.” Neil wiped the blood from his lips. It stung as he did so, but it didn’t matter. He took out a small stack of IDs from his wallet and threw them across to Andrew. For a second, anyone would’ve thought they were real, but closer inspection killed that thought. Andrew was holding a driver’s license belonging to Chris Angle, 21, from New York. A European passport card signed by George Debois from Paris. A gym membership from Seattle, an employee pass from Toronto, two more drivers licenses from cities across the globe. All the names were different, but they didn’t belong to different people. They all had pictures of Neil on them. Some he had long hair, short hair, an unfortunate buzz-cut. He wore a beard in some, the baby face of a teenager in others. “You aren’t the only one I’ve lied to. Don’t think you’re special.” Andrew snapped the IDs with angry force. Neil took a deep breath, knowing the last memories of his mother were buried in the face of Christopher Hart, snapped in half, just like that. He continued searching through his wallet. Deep into the card pockets of the tattered leather. He didn’t look up when he heard Andrew drop the scraps of his identities on the ground. Neil found what he was looking for and threw it again, across the space separating them, it clattering by his feet. “If my mom found that she’d have killed me herself. We ran so she could protect me. I made that so much harder on her by meeting you.” Andrew inspected the card he’d been thrown. An under-eye twitch and a slow inhale accompanied his realisation. “You want to hate me for what she made me do, fine, but it was inevitable. You were never going to be the reason that made us stay.”

Neil had given Andrew something he couldn’t bare to part with. His old wallet stayed buried deep, deep in his belongings, so well hidden his mother hadn’t even known it existed. He usually kept his current IDs on his person, and never in a wallet. It was a ticking time bomb, but Neil needed something. He needed a reason to feel, and if that was the memory of the good day his mom had had when they finally showered after weeks of baby wipes and deodorant, it was something to hold on to. Neil had to stay grounded in some sort of reality. He was on the run, sure, but the people he met, the things he’d done? They were real. It hurt to see those memories snapped on the ground like trash, but Andrew didn’t snap the memory he held in his hands.

Andrew held the library card of Stefan Montgomery. It had a faded black and white photo on it, scratched out with time. He had begged the librarian to let him have the card without taking a picture, but she had insisted it was necessary so people didn’t have more than one. In the photo was a scared little boy, a gash on his cheek, with crispy curls and a skinny face. Neil remembered walking to the library when he couldn’t find Andrew, taking out books to help him learn any of the languages he needed to know. The library in Oakland taught him about the history of Spain, and the culture in France. There was something about Stefan that Neil didn’t want to forget. He’d kept that library card safe as if it were a lifeline, like he knew it would come in handy some day.

And then Andrew threw it across the empty parking lot like a frisbee.

“She didn’t see anything.” Neil tried, as if it would help. “We left because I made a friend. Not because… you know.”

“I was not your friend.” Andrew stood up and put a cigarette between his teeth. He lit it, one puff, two puff, three puffs until it burned red. “I was never your friend.”

“You were.” Neil struggled to stand up and join him. “Don’t lie to a liar.”

“You remember it wrong!” He took a short drag and flicked ash as he spoke. “You were a toy to play with when there was nothing else to do.”

“You could’ve went home.” Neil took the cigarette from Andrew’s fingers. “But hey, I wasn’t the only one who needed to escape heavy hands, right?” He pulled the smoke into his lungs and breathed out before flicking the barely smoked cigarette away. “You were my friend. You had Stefan killed because I cared about you when Stefan wasn’t supposed to care about anybody.”

“Be quiet.” Andrew pulled another cigarette from the packet and squared up to Neil who was standing so close he could feel Andrew’s breath hot on his face. “You didn’t care.”

“Are you listening?” Neil spat again, the heat of the cigarette having hurt his cracked lips. “We left because of you. Because I let you in, and I’m sorry you were collateral damage in our war against the world but fuck, we didn’t have a choice. Do you think I wanted to leave? I was going to leave you a note, but she wouldn’t leave my side until we were in another city and Stefan was just another name in the pile. Fuck you if you don’t want to believe that. I don’t owe you an explanation but you’ve got one anyway. Tell me to leave and I’ll go. Tell me you understand and I’ll go, Andrew.”

“I waited for you.” Andrew exhaled honestly through cigarette smoke. “Every day! The fourth day I tried knocking on the door of your motel room. Fifth day a random couple opened the door and I knew you weren’t coming back. Why should I give you another chance, hmm? When you so easily could run away before, who’s to say you won’t do it again?”

“I’m not asking for another chance,” Neil head was pounding. He felt like he could pass out, his ears ringing and body jittery. “I don’t know, maybe I’m asking you to remember what I meant to you.” Andrew pursed his lips at that. He was struggling to keep his composure, like the memory of before was chipping away slowly at this version of Andrew. He was holding himself together with twitches and small fidgets.

“I hate you.” He said, coldly. He had lit his cigarette and smoked through half of it before speaking again. Neil just stood, suddenly thinking about if Kevin were to find the IDs scattered on the floor. He didn’t even think he could lie to Nicky about that. He would pick them up in a moment, but he couldn’t afford to lose Andrew’s interest in the conversation. If Neil got distracted now he could ruin every chance he possible had at reconciling some sort of relationship with Andrew.

“I hate what the world has turned you into.” Andrew snorted a laugh at Neil’s dramatics.

“Oh, you are a pipe bomb.” Andrew started to walk away, but when Neil grabbed his arm to stop him, in a quicker movement he had twisted Neil’s arm in some sort of self defence move that hurt. “You don’t have a right to touch me anymore. Keep your lying hands to yourself or I’ll break every one of your fingers.” He didn’t let go immediately.

“Do you miss it?” Neil searched Andrew’s eyes for something, anything. “Being vulnerable? Being comforted instead of being alone, blaming the world for your problems?” Before Neil could even think to keep going, Andrew had used his free hand to manoeuvre a knife from his arm bands and hold it up to Neil’s face.

“I dare you to keep pushing.” His words were casual, but a threat nonetheless. “Stop trying to control a life you left. I won’t be a scratching post for your mommy issues, runaway.”

“What did Jakub do to you?” Neil brought a memory out from the depths. As soon as the name left his lips, Andrew’s entire body hardened and his eyes turned to glass. He slashed a cut into Neil’s cheekbone without hesitation and proceeded to let go of his arm and jam a thumb into the fresh wound. “Why did you spend your childhood alone in a playground?” Neil spoke through gritted teeth.

“If you want to keep your fantasy alive I advise you to really shut up now.” Andrew pushed him backwards, a final squeeze in the gash as he did so. Even more blood dripped down his face. Andrew wiped his hands in his pants and picked up the ignored cigarette he’d dropped in the altercation. “You are going in circles. This is your last warning.”

“My mom nearly broke half the bones in my body trying to get rid of the memory of you.” Neil took his spot back up so close to Andrews face he could practically see every one of the pores in his face. He still had freckles scattered across his face, his skin soft, with faint acne scars here and there across his cheeks. “I never stopped thinking about you.”

“You should have.” Andrew threw his cigarette at Neil. “Make your choice. Run like you’re used to.” He looked him up and down one more time and turned on his feet back towards the club. Neil didn’t follow. He started to pick up the remnants of his past and he felt his nose ache in psychosomatic pain, remembering a nose-breaking punch his mother threw when Neil dared asked if they could stay. He spat again, still trying to get the salty taste out of his mouth. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely hold onto the shards of plastic evidence of who he used to. After picking them all up he had to stop, and sit down. He was afraid he was having a panic attack, and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the drugs still ravishing his system, or if it was because of Andrew. Maybe it was both. It probably was. He didn’t think he could’ve spoken the truth if he wasn’t high, but God, if he were sober it would’ve been so much easier to run. High Neil was emotional Neil, empathetic Neil, hurt Neil. He’d only had the experience of being really, genuinely high a few times, and every single time just reminded him how much he hated the feeling of being out of control. Of his nerves, his feelings, every fibre in his being misfiring and doing the opposite to what he wanted. His brain was begging him to feel the chemicals it was pumping out, but all it did was amplifying the aching feeling in his chest. He let out a noise that didn’t quite resemble a cry, or a sigh, or a grunt. It was a noise born from pain, a mixture of anxiety and heartbreak, maybe. He wasn’t sure what that felt like. Maybe this was it.

He tried to steady his breath and he stumbled across the empty lot. The booming bass from the music at Eden’s practically shook the ground as he walked, at least, it sure felt like it did. He stumbled as he reached down to pick up the library card so carelessly thrown away. It hurt him even more looking at Stefan, feeling this pang in his stomach that wished things could’ve been different. He didn’t think he liked Andrew like that, and being on the same team was just the destruction of a childhood crush. Neil tried to come up with excuses in his head to how Andrew felt, but it was obvious he had thrown Stefan into the bad memories pile a long, long time ago. Neil showing up again just ripped through Andrew’s closure, and knowing he had feelings beneath what he showed, he was probably hurting too. It didn’t seem like it, but maybe he was. Neil had put the ID away, and looked around. He had no real idea where he was, or how to get home. Before he knew it, he was sprinting away from the club, going nowhere, going anywhere but there. His head wasn’t in a place to decide that he should stay. He’s worth it. His heart raced at the thought of Andrew’s face, looking down at the long unused library card. He’s worth it. Neil couldn’t look back. He was wondering what Andrew was telling the others, and if they would believe him. He wondered if he’d told Nicky about Neil’s Idontknow sexuality, and that’s why Nicky thought it okay to kiss him. But he didn’t feel anything with Nicky. He didn’t look at anyone in the way he looked at Andrew. He ran and ran and ran until he’d sweat out the drugs, until his head was more focused on trying to breathe than it was on Andrew, and his mom. It took a while, and he was lost when he stopped. Unfamiliar streets, him a stranger in someone else’s hometown. Maybe that made things worse. This feeling was too familiar. Lost, lost, lost. Sometimes lost became familiar, became home. He didn’t think he could be un-lost again.

-

Part 3