#this is ableist?? met with denial

[softberrybi]

A quick note...

Hello from your local AuDHD switch verse bisexual. I'm on this corner of the internet to have fun and spiral into whatever current hyperfixation has me by the throat.

Minors, please don't interact. My blog is for people 18+. I'm a big advocate for sex education and curiosity, and my particular Tumblr page just isn't the space for that. If you're looking for an age appropriate resource, I highly recommend checking out Scarleteen. It's a wonderful site dedicated to providing medically accurate and queer inclusive information about relationships, sex, identity, and so on.

My asks and messages are open. Wanna be friends??? Feel free to message me any timmmmme. If you’re looking to be flirty, please be respectful. Opening with nudes or demanding nudes or sexting is just not the move, okay? I've been involved in the kink community for many years and have met so many wonderful people, so my tolerance is very low for people who hide behind kink as an excuse to be shitty. Also, I have a queue going, so posts appearing doesn’t mean I’m actually online.

Please note I’m wary of porn blogs with no other content, and I hear the Jaws theme song in my head whenever I get one word messages in my inbox because those “hey” or “hi” openers tends to escalate quickly without my consent. Again, be chill. If I get a weird vibe at all, the block button and I are besties.

Be a kind person, okay? Transphobes, terfs, swerfs, antifeminists, racists, ableists, fatphobes, bigoted jerks DNI. Honestly, get well soon and cut that shit out.

If I ever accidentally interact with something I shouldn’t or tag something in a way that doesn’t feel good, please let me know so I can edit or delete immediately. I respect you.

🌶️ spicy info under the cut 🌶️

Being a verse switch is so fun, okay? I'm attracted to people regardless of gender, and it's just so fun to make people feel good.

I use the traffic light system (💚💛🛑) for consent check-ins. Here is my Yes/No list for both giving and receiving unless otherwise specified:

Yes - praise/worship, puppy play, edging/denial, overstimulation, biting/marking, puppy play, teratophilia rp, impact play (just not face slapping/hitting), gfd, daddy/mommy kink (just no age play or incest rp), strap play / pegging, breeding kink

I think it’s also worth mentioning that there are types of play that I’m happy to engage in even if I’m not personally turned on by them. Examples include foot fetish / nylon fetish play and tickling (as long as I’m not the one getting tickled; that’s a hard no for me)

Sometimes - I don’t really post about any of these on this blog, and if I do, I will be sure to tag those posts. I sometimes enjoy objectification, degradation, humiliation, light CNC, helping a partner enjoy some light CBT, e-stim, watersports (especially during primal/possessive play)

No thanks - Heavy CNC that involves genuine fear play, scat, age play, race play, pro-ED anything, misgendering/detrans, vore, gore (some blood is okay, but gore makes me feel faint), intox/chem, permanent harm/scarring, incest rp

Obvious no (and instant report and block) to actual assault or endangering anyone who can’t consent (e.g. anything to do with minors, bestiality, and so on)

This should go without saying, but if you have a partner / partners who will be hurt by you playing with someone else, please don’t flirt or try to play with me. I’m only down to play with folks engaging in ENM or single folks, okay? Be nice to your partner(s).

Also, since this has been coming up in my asks and dms quite a bit, I’m not looking for a sugar situation. I will just delete the ask/message 🤷‍♀️ Thanks!

[aquamarine021109]

I started watching qsmp when it was first ever announced and I loved it, I loved the idea of people from different country's interacting with each other. And later on I loved how there were the eggs and stuff. And when wilbur got his egg (tallulah) I was so happy and I immediately feel in love with her character (not in a weird way tho) I also immediately related to her character and started to headcanon her autistic because im autistic and I thought it would be so cool to finally get good autistic representation (sense most shows betray it awfully). And as you can tell she was my favorite character (along side wilbur) and when wilbur was on tour I was so stoked to see what her reaction would be of him coming back.....but then the stupid allegations started happening and I couldn't help but feel denial because wilbur helped me through my darkest days during 2022....I then choose support shelby because people were saying if I support him then that would make me an abuser. So that's why at first I supported shelby.....but from all the evidence that she's an ableist and the actual abuser. I can't help but support will......and when I watched quackity's stream of him saying he removed wilbur from the server, I couldn't help but cry....that my favourite streamer is banned from a server that I really liked....and from seeing all of will's friends turn on him, really made me sad because him and tommy were literally like brothers, same thing with phil being like their father in a way, it just made me sad because. HOW CAN YOU TURN ON YOUR FRIEND BY TRUSTING A GIRL Y'ALL BARELY KNOW!?!?!?!?. LIKE AT LEAST TALK TO WILL BEFORE Y'ALL TRUST A PERSON Y'ALL HAVE ONLY KNEW FOR A FEW YEARS LIKE WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TRUST IS THAT. IF MY FRIEND THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR 7 YEARS JUST BELIEVED A GIRL WE'VE ONLY MET A FEW YEARS AGO IM NOT GOING TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM ANYMORE.

(Also something that I want to say is that im probably not going to do qsmp stuff anymore sense tallulah's admin literally changed her whole character over something so stupid. And apparently she changed the name to "lullah" instead of "tallulah" which is so stupid. And I hate how the admin and the rest of the community have changed tallulah's design completely, like now she looks like a emo girl or something. no hate to emo people tho y'all are beautiful❤)

(I will still do dsmp stuff tho, because I liked that server more anyways)

[adhdnojutsu]

Fugaku sucks.

Fugaku Uchiha was a fucking moron.

That is the only explanation for his delusion that his coup would succeed. Unless he knew it wouldn't.

Real Life Parallels

I'm Israeli with a dual citizenship for Germany. As a result, I was able to wander the West Bank for the better part of a decade. I also have family and friends not in high places, but with access to the latter. I'm also not illiterate. So I know things.

It's why I know just how fucking stupid the coup idea was. And before you tell me to check my privilege: I agree the Uchiha were right to want to revolt. I agree they were oppressed. And yet, you can't conflate an unsolicited dickpic with a r*pe, assault the sender, and call self-defence. Both are wrong, both are harmful, but only one is an immediate threat, and Konoha was not an imminent threat to Uchiha lives before the coup became a thing.

Here's what Konoha did to the Uchiha: 1. put them in a clan-exclusive compound like all the other clans. I'm aware the latter was a pretext for the previous.

2. cut police budget

3. deny Fugaku Hokage candidacy (and nobody can prove why they did, but he revealed himself to be unqualified due to his conditional loyalty)

4. surveillance of public spaces within the compound

All of these measures are unjust and come from a place of bigotry. None of them kept a single clan member from thriving. None of them constituted an imminent threat. None of them made diplomatic solutions impossible, even if it meant waiting for the council of elders to die.

All oppression is not equal, because let's see what happens with a real life ghetto like the Gaza Strip:

you can only leave through armed check points with special permission - or get gunned down

amenities are regularly shut off, including water in summer or electricity in hospitals

whenever one person steps out of line, their whole neighbourhood gets bombed

the oppressor fabricates scarcity and poverty while sabotaging the delivery of relief or establishment of a stable economy

anyone can be kidnapped and tortured at any time for any reason

Once that sinks in, their occasional missile or car ramming attack becomes pretty understandable. Now imagine the Uchiha police force firing missiles at random Konoha targets over comparably petty measures. The rule of appropriate force in self-defence also applies to systemic oppression. Yes, the system is ableist, yes, you're disabled, but no, that doesn't make it reasonable to put an aircraft through the Capitol and endanger the lives of not only government officials, but civilians and your own kids. That's the issue here. Fugaku's coup would not have happened in a vacuum. It would have gotten innocents killed.

Saying all oppression is the same and should be met with the same ruthlessness, is like saying verbal sexual harassment should be met with a taser because forcible r*pe would warrant it. It's like equating the refusal to serve kosher food to a whole pogrom. Both come from the same mindset and one can lead to the other if left unchecked, but that doesn't mean both warrant equally harsh measures off the bat.

Now here's where Fugaku being a moron comes in. The daily cruelty Israel commits against Palestinians (individual killings, demolitions, blackouts, denial of water etc.) do not only pursue the immediate goal of whatever effect those things have. The main goal is provocation. We all KNOW Hamas is gonna fire missiles over that demolition, kidnap, or "accidental" shooting of a civilian. And that is exactly when Israel can say "welp, it's self-defence time, we feared for our lives" and carpet-bomb Gaza. This is also why they provoke escalation during West Bank or Jerusalem rallies. They WANT Palestinians to (seemingly) cast the first stone, so Israel has an excuse to cast lead. Portioned genocide. I documented a Palestinian protest once. I saw the Israeli side actively aiming for escalation, going as far as running police horses into produce booths to destroy livelihoods.

Konoha did the exact same thing. Put the Uchiha in a situation that is humiliating, but not life-threatening, so when they predictably snap, Konoha can say it had no choice but to wipe them out. And Fugaku played right into it by announcing the coup, aka a violent uprising, in retaliation to non-violent (as in, violence that threatens life and limb) discrimination.

Fugaku stans need to learn the difference between victim blaming and common sense. While most retaliation is justified, some specific manners of retaliating can be predicted to harm the victim more or involve innocents, and that's where common sense shouldn't be shot down as "victim-blaming".

The coup failing, or the Uchiha massacre, each entailing pointless loss of life, were absolutely predictable outcomes and here's why.

Common Sense

Remember the planned Wagner uprising that ended before it began, because a handful of people marching on Putin is a bad idea no matter how justified?

I don't know what people base their numbers on when saying Itachi killed hundreds or thousands of Uchiha. I counted the people attending mandatory-for-all clan meetings, and while I don't remember my exact top count, the clan cannot be more than 60 strong, and that's including non-combatants. I mean, ANBU surveillance would have caught hundreds or even thousands of people all disappearing in that shrine that doesn't outwardly seem able to accommodate that many.

Fugaku depended on Itachi to help with the coup. No matter Itachi's abilities, just how bad are your odds when you feel compelled to put your 11-year-old child in the line of fire? Basically, Fugaku knew the coup stood and fell with that child. If a tween running his mouth is all it takes to bring you down, you never stood a chance.

But let's say the initial stage of the coup had worked out. The Uchiha kidnap the Hokage and Fugaku takes power. Then what? Unless the Uchiha rule Konoha with an iron fist and in doing so, become the new oppressor, how is Fugaku going to hold power? Who would his successor be? Uchiha nepotism forever? Because only then can they be reasonably sure some future administration won't turn on them.

What are less than 60 people gonna do about all the ANBU, Root, and various jonin? How will they secure the people's genuine loyalty after 4 generations of Hokage brainwashing Konoha into always siding with the status quo? There is NO WAY the Uchiha could rule in a way that isn't a dictatorship with nocturnal disappearances of dissenters. The other shinobi nations won't stand for it either. So we have a 2 digit number of Uchihas up against the 5 great nations. The Sharingan isn't that great, or else 2 men couldn't have wiped out the whole clan in a matter of hours. "But they were sleeping" no they weren't, and even if they were, Uchihas have to sleep eventually, and that's when the five nations can strike. That's no way to run a village. "But Konoha would understand" okay so why didn't Konoha express solidarity with the Uchiha clan, like, ever? Konoha was NOT going to accept a violent Uchiha takeover!

So even without Itachi's betrayal, the coup was doomed. When you act out of (righteous) humiliation for immediate relief but with no long term strategy, the word you're looking for isn't revolution, it's tantrum. In the case of an armed uprising, it's a suicide mission. A last hurra, except they dragged innocents into it. Because your anger can be righteous and you can actually be oppressed, and still be wrong in how you're handling it. The moment Fugaku dragged his children into what could be predicted to ruin or end their lives, he was wrong. His idea of a bloodless revolution was short sighted and delusional and hence wrong, end of story.

But also.

Fugaku: "Hey Itachi, look at all these bloody corpses, war is terrible!" Also Fugaku: "Hey Itachi, help me wage war." The man was a loose cannon with 0 common sense. What the fuck was he doing leading a clan and raising kids. The man was incompetence incarnate.

[romanarose]

Take Your Time: Chapter 6

Frankie "Catfish" Morales x Fem!OC (Jana Fernandez)

Take Your Time Masterlist

Summary: Beginning with a flashback to when they first hooked up, after meeting with Benny's new girlfriend, Jana and Frankie decide that it's time.

Warnings: Ableist comments, racist comments, (it does not go well with Benny's new girlfriend lol), past bullying, Benny Miller's high school experience (this is always a fucking warning), SMUT PIV sex, fingering, orgasm denial, sloppy blowjob, squirting

****************

“Just once, to get it out of our systems” Jana insisted in a tangle of limbs as she fell to the bed.

“Uh huh” Frankie was too busy pressing hot, wet kisses into her neck.

“This can’t become a regular thing, Frankie”

“Sure, sure” He tugged her braids back gently to open her throat for more access.

“I’m gettin out in a few months, and I’m not sticking around Georgia, for godsake.”

Frankie pushed her tank top over her. “Yep”

“And I’m not moving to Kansas for a man I met this week, Francisco” She reached for the buckle of his jeans, but he swatted her hands away.

“Yeah, I heard you yesterday” he slide off his own pants, lowering his mouth to the swell of her breasts above her sports bra.

“I’m going to college, Frankie. I’m not going to have time for a boyfriend” Jana sat up, reaching behind herself to undo her bra, but Frankie pushed her back down, undoing it with one hand.

“So you’ve said, a few times.”

“I can’t be distracted by sex”

“That’s what you told me three days ago, and yet you’re the one dragging me into Santi’s room.” Frankie’s mouth lowered to take each one of her peaks in his mouth, devouring her sweet skin.

“Because I need to get you out of my system! One and done”

“Yup, In n Out. Cum and Go. I heard you”

“Really, because you’re touching me like you want me to come back, and my pants aren’t even off yet.” She reached to slide her sweats off, but before she could blink, her hip was pinned to the shitty lumpy mattress, both of her hands were gathered in one above her head, and Frankie’s large, brown eyes inches away from her. They held an intensity, and inquisitiveness to figure her out, but at the same time, like he already knew her. She wasn’t a guarded person by any means; she was bluntly honest, she said what she meant and did what she said, but Frankie saw deeper than she let on.

“You like control, don’t you?” He asked, voice low and dark as he held her tight. “You like having a plan, knowing what’s next, taking charge. And you’re good at it, I’ve seen it. No one can stand her own against Santiago and those guys like you.” His tone had a slight tease to it as he cocked his head to the side. “Do you tend to take the lead during sex?”

Jana had never felt the need or desire to submit to any man. Her parents had instilled a confidence in her at an early age not to put up with bullshit… but this was not bullshit. This was Frankie.

She looked up at him, wide eyes. “Generally, yeah”

“Hm” He nodded, like he expected her to say that, his left hand releasing pressure from her hips and sliding under her sweats and underwear. “Now, I wonder, is that because you like it, or…” Two rough fingers felt all around her, wet center, and quickly found her clit without a second thought, a rarity to Jana considering the men her age. She felt her body jolt with pleasure at his skill, heat warming her skin. “Or is it because those boys don’t know how to take care of a woman?”

Jana, known for her smart mouth, was quickly losing her words as he expertly circled her sensitive bud, his mouth taking hers in an all-consuming kiss, biting her lip and pulling it back.

He continued, kissing her, his breath hot against her ear. “I wanna ruin you, Jana. I want make it so that every selfish lover in the military, every boy you fuck in college, and every hook up from now on, you think of me, you think of my mouth,  my hands, and my cock. Can I do that? Can I take care of you, mamacita?”

“Yes, yes Francisco, please” Jana panted, squirming at his touch picking up pace, fuck he hadn’t even tasted her yet, none the less fucked her and she was already a mess, far most vulnerable than she had been with others. Frankie was far from the first person to see her naked; this was a different vulnerability.

“Then I need you to give in to me. Let go. I’ll take care of everything.” A deep, loving kiss on the mouth that blew kisses she had with actual boyfriends out of the water. “I’ll take care of you.”

She took a deep breath in. “Okay” Jana breathed out, sinking into the mattress as Frankie slipped two fingers inside her, a salacious moan escaped her mouth as she did as she was told. She let go, she gave in to Fransico Morales, a man she had only met this week and trusted with everything, and knew that this could never be a one time thing.

“Be out in a sec, Pope” Frankie called to Santi and Laci from his room where he was changing Rosie and Jana was putting laundry away. Hearing the footsteps walk to the room he was in, Santi knocked, and Frankie called him in.

“Hey man” Santi said, walking in. “Heya Jana” He had a distinctly worried look on his face.

“Hey, whats up?” Frankie asked, sliding a fresh pull up on Rosie and beginning to dress her. 

Jana turned to the boys “Do you want me to step out, Santi?” 

“No, wanted to talk to you both real quick while Laci’s cooking” Santi stuffed his hands in his pockets. “She’s really nervous about tonight going well… she’s not talking”

When Laci first came into their lives, she didn’t talk hardly at all, and even as she adjusted, she was prone to non-verbal episodes if things got very stressful. However, this hadn’t happened in a long time, Laci having made a lot of progress with therapy and always having Santi, Benny or Jana by her side, so this was a little unusual.

Frankie held Rosies hands as he jumped on her changing table. “Damn, how long’s it been since that happened?”

“Couple months, at least. I think the last time was when the car in our neighborhood backfired and it sounded like a gun. I can’t even remember the last time she went quiet just from nerves.” He turned back to glance at her through the door where she was prepping food for the dinner party. Frankie wanted to host, as usual, the whole gathering was his idea, but Laci loved to cook (and was good at it).

“Must be a pretty big deal”  Frankie commented. He nodded Santi over to Rosie’s dresser. “Wanna pick out her outfit?”

Santi smiled at this, going over and sifting through his niece's clothes and pulling out a pink dress and blue pants. Santi knew nothing about matching clothes, but Frankie indulged him.

Frankie helped Rosie get dressed. “One leg up, good job! Next leg, good job! Aaaaarrrmmms up!” He slide the dress over her and tickled her belly before scooping her up and setting her down. 

Rosie toddled right or to her uncle. “Tio!!!”

Santi lit up as he picked her up. “Good job mija!” He peaked out the door to Laci “Munequita! She just said tio!!! She knows my name!” He grinned, and Laci beamed back, bouncing excitedly. She signed ‘I love you’ and blew them a kiss. Santi signed back to her and walked back into Rosie’s room, his smile flattering as he turned to Jana. “She wasn’t this nervous about meeting you. She was quiet, but not non verbal… she even had a bit of a scare that day.”

Jana shrugged. “It’s different with Ben.”

Tonight's occasion was meeting Benny’s new girlfriend. They had been, from what Santi understood, talking for a while, about a year, but kept putting off dating or briefly getting together and breaking up for one reason or another. As far as Will knew, however, it was new. Santi was sure that would end terribly, Will was a control freak, especially over his little brother. It came from a good place, but Benny still tried to hide things.

“But why?”

“Because Benny has a girlfriend now, and if you’re a girl, sometimes your boyfriend having girl friends can be a concern. I know damn well you were jealous of Benny.”

She had him there. “Yeah, but we weren’t together back then, I know her and Ben are just friends, and she’d never do something like that.”

“But,” Frankie jumped in. “That’s because you know and trust her and Benny. Laci wants this to go well because Benny is her best friend, and she doesn’t want to lose him. If the girlfriend likes her, nothing has to change. Except maybe when they sleep together on the pull out couch watching horror movies.”

Santi laughed a bit. He knew it was a bit unusual to walk out of your room to find your girlfriend asleep with another man, but she and Ben were innocent. “Well, nothing should change. Laci should be able to keep her best friend even if she doesn’t like her.” Santi bristled a bit. “Besides, Ben’s bisexual. If she has a problem with him being alone with Lace, she should have a problem with him being alone with us.”

Jana couldn’t help but agree. “I know that and you know that, but we live in central Florida. Not the most progressive state. We only make national news for Ron DeSantis and ‘The Florida Man’”

Holding up his hands, Frankie settled them. “Okay guys, you are putting a lot of assumptions on a girl we know nothing about. I know it always throws us off when someone know is introduced into this group of strangely close weirdos, but lets give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, it’s Laci. Who doesn’t like Laci?”

At that, Santi’s face split into a proud smile, his lip curling just a little bit. “Yeah, she’s perfect, huh?”

“Go, lover boy, and take the munchkin. We’re gonna be straightening Jana’s hair.”

Frankie tided up and sanitized the changing station, then went to his room with Jana and her hair products. Nothing official had happened, she hadn’t stayed the night yet and they hadn’t kissed. Patience, they had said. Something they had never had much of.

Laci was finishing up her meal with Santi close by, damn near hovering over his silent girlfriend as Will talked, mostly to himself while Jana and Frankie finished getting themselves and Rosie ready.

“I don’t know why this has to be all secret, what’s he hiding?” Will grumbled.

No one replied, Santi too busy following Laci like a lost puppy, ‘Here baby, let me get that for you, I can cut that, let me set the table, do you need anything to drink, amor?’

“Oh jesus christ Santi, she’s not five” Will snapped.

An irritated Santi snapped back. “And neither is Ben, he doesn’t need to tell you everything” 

Equally irritated, Will continues escalating. “And Laci can cut a goddamn red pepper without you holding her hand.”

Laci turned around and waved her hands at both of them, then signed. ‘Both of you, stop’

They both muttered sorry, and Laci signed that it was okay, instructing Santi to set the table and Will to mix the lemonade, until they heard the door open.

Benny walked in, blonde hair grown out longer and shaggy, wearing a dark gray t-shirt fitted nicely to his toned body and grinning while he held the hand of his new girlfriend. She had very long, sandy brown hair that reached to her waist and softly curled, freckled skin and green eyes. Compared to Benny, she looked short, but she was 5’5; average. Santi noticed Will tense up; Will realized why Benny was secretive.

“Oh, hey Alice” Will said, a little lacking in excitement to meet his precious brother's first partner in years. “Been a long time.”

Santi looked back and forth between them; he didn’t recognize the girl, so she couldn’t have been anyone from their circles since they had all followed the Millers to the small town. “You know each other?”

“Yeah. She was in my grade.”

“Ah, I see” Santi realized Will must know some backstory he wasn’t privy too. Yet.

Benny looked nervous but moved to introductions. “Well you know Will, so Alice, this is Santiago Garcia,” Santi moved around the table to extend his hand to Benny’s girlfriend. “Santiago, this is Alice Mcartney”

Santi smiled, wanting to ease the tension between the brothers for Laci and Benny’s sake. Will had gone quiet in a way he didn’t do much. Will was a gentle spirit at heart, and sometimes could be hard to read when pushing his feelings down. Santi shook her hand. “You can call me Santi, and this,” Santi motioned over a nervous Laci, “is Miss Lacina Dumas” He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead, on the scar she hated so much.  “My beautiful girlfriend.”

Laci shook her hand, the signed, looking towards Santi to communicate. 

Santi watched her, then turned to Alice, “she says it’s nice to meet you, and she hopes you can be friends.”

Alice looked confused, looking to Ben. “Is she deaf?”

Santi didn’t like how she talked about Laci like she wasn’t right in front of her, and he looked to Benny as well as Will chimed in. “You didn’t explain anything to her?”

Benny looked guilty. “I’m sorry! She hasn’t needed to sign for a while, I didn’t think about it!”

“I texted you about it”

“I didn’t see! Laci, I’m sorry” Ben looked genuinely guilty, and Santi wondered where the fuck Frankie was with his ability to keep the boys at bay.

“Okay, okay.” Santi stepped in, noting how Will’s defensive and irritated tone was close to how he acted around Laci the first week she entered their lives. “Alice, Laci isn’t deaf, but sometimes when she’s nervous, she can’t talk, or talks less.”

“She autistic?”

Will groaned. “Jesus Alice, you havn’t changed at all since high school”

“Will, come on” Benny spoke, but he went unnoticed.

Alice glared at him. “I’m not the one that piqued in high school, Miller.”

“Guys!” Instinctively, Santi moved his tense and obviously flustered girlfriend away from Alice and Will’s argument. “No, she’s not autistic” Santi’s arm was tight around the tiny blonde girl. “Non-verbal moments are just a part of our life, so she and I learned some sign language to communicate. Can we just start over? We got a nice meal planned.”

Alice sighed, but smile kindly at Laci, and Santi thought maybe she just has a tendency to put her foot in her mouth. “Right, sorry Laci. Ben’s told me a lot about you, and everyone else, and I’m really excited to meet you all. He said you’re a really good cook.”

Laci beamed at that, and smiled at Benny, who took her hand. “C’mon honey, show me what you made.”

Santi glanced at Will, and the look Will gave told Santi he’d be filled in later.

Just then, little Rosie came running in, making grabby hands at her uncle Benny until he happily picked her up “Shit! Shit!” she shouted, and Benny quickly tried to silence her.

Jana walked in, hair straightened today and in a olive green jumper that complimented her cololoring, and accentuated her hips. “Benjamin, are you teaching my daughter swear words?”

“No!” He defended himself, turning to Laci who was glaring at him with crossed arms. Laci had a rule about swearing around Rosie that she was far more strict about than Rosie’s actual parents. “It wasn’t me!”

Jana didn’t believe him for a second, but turned and smiled at Alice. “Hi, I’m Jana, you must be Benny’s girlfriend?”

Alice smiled, shaking her hand. “Yeah, I’m Alice, it’s nice to meet you. Is Rosie your step daughter?” Instantly, Jana felt on guard .

“Um… no, Rosa is my daughter.”

“Oh. Is her dad not in the picture then?”

“Alice-” Benny tried to step in, but Jana had her locked down. 

“No, hon, Frankie is her father”

Frankie walked out of his room, smiling broadly; sobriety and family life suited him well. “You guys talking bout me?” When he noticed the tension in the room, he wrapped an arm around Jana’s waist, resting a hand on her hip as Jana took Rosie from Ben’s arms. Frankie turned to Jana, still smiling but concerned. “What's going on, Mama?”

Jana nodded to Alice. “Alice here doesn’t think Rosie is my daughter”

“I didn’t say that!” She insisted. “I just mean- ugh, don’t make me out to be the bad guy, but if hispanic and white doesn’t make a black baby!”

Will smacked his head. “You think Frankie’s white?”

Jana almost snapped, but when she saw Laci, the poor girl who was so nervous for today she couldn’t talk. Laci wouldn’t tell her what to do or ever ask her, Frankie, or Santi to be quiet about things to do with race, but for the sake of Laci, she let it go. Jana sighed. “Okay, okay, to be fair, my hair is straightened and in winter, Frankie does lose a lot of his color, so let's start over. I’m mixed, I’m Ethiopian on my dads side, Cuban on my moms, and Frankie,” Jana introduced Frankie as he smiled softly and shook Alice’s hand. “Is Cuban”

“Rosie is our daughter.” Frankie finished.

Alice nodded, “And Jana is your…”

Frankie turned to Jana. They hadn’t really put a label on it yet. Jana had said she wanted to wait, wait until Frankie got better, until they were both ready to try again… she was with him every day this last month, practically lived with him save for over night, and she knew he was waiting on her to say she was ready again.

And she was.

“Frankie is my boyfriend” Jana said the words for the first time in two years, and was proud of it. 

“AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” A loud squeal came from Laci as she jumped, then ran over to hug her friends and their baby. “YOU’RE BACK TOGETHER!!!” 

Frankie laughed, gladly accepting the hug as Benny, Will and Santi all came round to slap him on the back and hug him, congratulating him, and welcoming Jana back.

The rest of the dinner went pretty well, but not amazing. Now that Laci was comfortable enough to talk enough, with a bit of help from Santi here and there, Laci happily announced that the shelter she was volunteering at offered her a paid position in the childcare department. Laci had a bachelors degree in psychology, so she was a good fit for the part time position. She also said she would be taking some online classes for a few more Early Childcare Education credits, and would be getting a certificate in early childcare education, with the hopes of slow adjusting to a full time position. The shelter was very understanding of Laci’s position and needed accommodations, and were helping her do this at her pace, but she was well liked, and they wanted to keep her.

Again, nothing bad happened at diner, and Laci did get Alice to talk, but Alice didn’t seem to mesh with the group yet. Frankie figured that was pretty understandable. Jana met Santi first, and although she didn’t know Will super well in the military, they were stationed in Georgia with Santi for a few years, and so she knew him before Frankie did. By the time Jana met Benny, Benny was more nervous than anything to meet Santi, who was Will’s friend, and Jana, who was Frankie’s girlfriend by that point. When Laci came into their lives, it was under unusual circumstances to be sure. Santi, Frankie, Benny and Will had saved her from a horrible situation, the reason she had non verbal episodes. Laci had to trust Santi, there was no other choice. She trusted Ben as well, speaking to him before anyone else got a word out of her. Frankie she slowly warmed up to, but Will was the only one who caused a problem. Will had a tendency to push everything down, and when it came up, it came onto the nearest target; at the time, it was Laci. The two made up, as Will very quickly felt shitty about being a dick to a traumatized girl, and the pair were now good friends.

This is evidenced by the fact the 6’2 giant of a man with his arms wrapped around the 5’ girl, picking her up off the ground while she laughed and struggled to get out. 

“Let me go!” She giggled.

“No until I’m done!” Santi instructed Will as he loaded the dishes in the dishwasher. Laci had cooked everything, and was attempting to do the dishes as well, but Will was holding her back as Santi did them.

Jana and Frankie, although hosting, were happy to let the couple argue about who gets to do the dishes, so they didn’t have to worry about it for once. Benny and Alice had left, and after the dishes were done, Santi turned to Will. “You gonna tell me what that was about?”

“What was what about?” Frankie asked, fidgeting with his flannel sleeve covering his wrist scars. It was beginning to get warm, and he was going to have to rethink his clothing and how to cover up the two deep scars on his inner wrist.

Santi explained the scene that happened before Frankie finished straightening Jana’s hair.

“I don’t like her” Jana stated the obvious.

“Oh come on.” Laci, ever the optimist, defended her best friend's girlfriend. “She just doesn’t have a filter”

Santi didn’t take kindly to people being rude to his girl. “Sweetheart, she asked if you were autistic.”

“There's nothing wrong with being autistic, Santiago.”

“I know! But she talked about you like you weren’t there, and she shouldn’t just ask if you’re autistic in the first minute meeting you”

Laci couldn’t help assuming the best. Laci was scared and distrusting of the world around her, but she trusted her friends, and she trusted their judgment. If Benny loved her, she’d see the best. “Maybe she was just asking so she’d know how to better accommodate me if I was?”

Will stepped in at that. “She wasn’t”

Everyone turned to where Will stood, leaned against the stove with his arms crossed.

“Yeah, I can't help but agree with Santito, and I don’t say that a lot” Jana said, shooting a smile at Santi, who smiled back.

Will continued. “Alice used to bully Ben.”

Lacina was suddenly less forgiving to Alice. “What? What would anyone possibly bully Benny for?”

Will couldn’t help the small smile on his face, despite his irritation and concern. Laci was fiercely defensive of Benny. “Freshmen and sophomore year, Ben was pretty short, super gawky, just kinda awkward. Middle school was pretty bad, especially after I went to high school, but Alice was in my class. She was a real fucking bitch to him, calling him stupid, calling him fat, gay, all that. This was before he came out, years before, back when you still got beat up for being gay real regularly where we lived. I tried to protect him…” Will’s face shifted, his smile from before long gone. “He wouldn’t really tell me what was going on. Ben shot up in height his junior year, went from wrestling to football, and got really damn strong, everyone backed off, except Alice. She was still incredibly mean to him, because she knew he wouldn’t hit her the way he hit back the guys. She got held back so after I graduated and joined the army, Ben was left to deal with it alone…” Will looked guilty, and Frankie knew Will had guilt for leaving Ben during that time. “Senior year he got a pretty devisting… um, I guess you can call it a break up…”

“Ben said he didn’t date in high school” Laci questioned.

“He didn’t really. I shouldn’t really go into it, it’s not my business… but his name was Cameron, if you can guess how that might have complicated things in 2002.”

Frankie had heard vague references to Cameron here and there, mostly in the context of Benny saying the name to Will but Benny’s secrecy behind it and obvious discomfort made it obvious that no one should pry. Benny never elaborated, and everyone left it alone.

Will continued. “Alice was held back a year, so she had a few classes with him that year, which made things much worse, she ever let up on him. That was when he started doing drugs and drinking heavily. He didn’t tell me what was going on until I was visiting for Christmas and his drunk rambling got it out. I don’t know why he’s dating her”

Frankie crossed him arms, concerned for his friend. Benny was an incredibly kind and loyal friend, but had an inability to make good choices for himself. That’s what Will was for. “Honestly. He could just just about anyone in town, and he had to choice the girl who made his life hell?”

“Can you talk to him about it?” Jana asked.

Will laughed a bit. “Oh yeah, I’ll be talking to him about it.”

“Be nice” Laci begged him.

“Being nice is your thing. Sometimes he needs a little tough love.”

Laci and Will helped clean up the rest of the dining room and kitchen before Will headed out, Frankie noted the tension in Will’s body when Will hugged him. Frankie knew how much Will worried for his baby brother constantly.

Santi said goodbye, hugging Jana and welcoming her back. Santi told Laci he’d be outside the door, and Laci pull Frankie aside to the living room. “I got you something” Laci reached into her purse.

“For me?” Frankie loved giving gifts, but never expressed wishing he got more; Laci also loved giving gifts, making the a perfect friendship pair.

“Here” Laci pulled out a thick leather bracelet, motioning for his hand and speaking quietly. “I want you to know you absolutely have nothing to be ashamed of with the scars, and if you want to stop covering them,I support you… but I also know it’s hard. I still cover the one on my forehead.” Laci tucked one of the long bangs behind her large ears, showing the scar that cut deep into her hair that she always tried to hide. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable showing it.” She put on the bracelet for Frankie, small hands adjusting it to his large wrists. “I thought with summer coming, this would be better than long-“ Laci was interrupted by a tight hug, the nearly foot difference and difference in size between the two manifested in an all consuming hug, his broad body nearly covering her completely. 

“Thank you, manita, I love you.” And he meant it.

Jana watched from the other room, smiling, loving how her boyfriend and her friend connected. He loved them all, they all had a special place in his heart and different ways they helped. From Will’s no-nonsense, to Santi’s intense love, to Benny’s contagious joy, but Laci seemed to understand him in a special sense. Ben and Jana both had addictions, but Frankie and Laci were more alike than they initially thought. They were both incredibly loving, and were more social than Frankie might admit. Neither were the most talkative, but Jana thought both’s love languages was quality time and gift giving. Both had been so lonely, and in finding this found family, found a home in their community. Their connection required little talking; simply an understanding.

After Laci left, Santi waiting outside right by the door with a smile to hold her hand, Frankie walked up behind Jana and wrapped his arms around her. “Did you mean what you said? We’re back together?” He asked, nuzzling his face in her hair. He wasn’t used to her hair being straightened, he was used to the curls tickling his face.

She turned around, a soft smile on his face, holding him. “Yeah, baby, if that’s what you want.”

He practically melted in her arms. “I want nothing more than our family back together.” Frankie cupped Jana’s face, brown eyes sparkling with love and admiration. “Can I kiss you?”

She leaned into his touch. “Always, mi cielo, always”

And he did. After about two years apart, Franisco Morales once again kissed the love of his life. He pulled her in to dance, their lips and tongues familiarizing with each other as they swayed in the kitchen, and Jana swore she had never felt anything more right. Her beloved was in her arms again, sober, their beautiful daughter was fast asleep in her room, growing up healthy and happy, their friends had just been over… everything just felt right.

But there was something else she had been wanting, something she desperately craved the last few years, something so fucking good she would’ve gone back to Frankie during the worst of it if she wasn’t so fucking stubborn. 

“Frankie…” Jana moaned as Fransisco kissed her neck, and she pressed her body up against him. “Want you.” then added quickly. “If you’re ready.”

“Always ready for you, mi vida, always” He mimicked her words back to her, and stopped fighting the erection in his pants. Frankie picked her up and Jana wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him as he he carried to the couch, laying her down carefully despite the desperate kisses he gave.

“Mmmmhmmm Francisco”

Frankie laid beside her, holding her close as he touched everywhere he could, teasing her.

“Do you like that, amor?”

“F-Frankie” She writhed in his grasp. He loved how he could make the most articulate woman he knew stutter on her words. “I-I needmmm” Any attempts at speaking her drowned out by the sounds of pleasure as Frankie groped her ample breasts, her ass, her stomach….

“What do you need, Jana, can you use your words?” But he gave her no such chance,unbuttoning her jumpsuit so he could suck on her nipples, marking up her breasts in dark hickies.

After a few useless attempts at talking, Jana grabbed his hand, trying to place it between her legs, but he was much stronger than her, pulling back. “Behave” He warned, but gave her what she wanted, massaging her mound over the olive  green clothes. Jana wasn't an insecure person by any means, but her body had changed since having Rosie and breastfeeding, and Frankie made sure she never had a chance to doubt his adoration for the parts of her that changed. If anything he adored more than ever her breasts that sagged, the stretch marks, the c-sections scar, all the things that brought life to their child. “Fuck, I’ve missed your body, fuck.” He growled, his hot, wet mouth latching onto Jana’s nipples, lavaciously devouring her. 

“Hm” She smiled, rolling her body into his touch. “And here I thought you liked my personality. My dad was right, men only want one things” Jana playfully chided.

For all his bravado in the bedroom, Frankie had to drop his tough act, actively cringing and he hid his face in her breasts, groaning but smiling all the same. “Babe, you cannot be mentioning your dad when I’m about to fuck you senseless.”

She laughed along. Frankie was the love of her life, and as much as she loved having sex with him, she loved having a man who could fix a car, and she loved that Rosie’s dad was back, at their core, they were friends, and she had fun with him. “Fuck me, you say??” She gasps with feigned shock, hand on her exposed chest. “SENSELESS, YOU SAY!”

Frankie cuts off her teasing with a searing kiss, and she melts right back into place, right where he likes her, the taste of his tongue bringing back memory after memory of that same tongue inside her. He made quick work of stripping her of the jumpsuit and black underwear, taking off his own shirt to at least even the playing field a little bit. Feeling the wetness between her legs growing slowly, Frankie knew better than to push it. Jana had never been one to get very wet, no matter how turned on he made her, and he learned to not take it as a personal affront, just her body doing what it does. 

“Do you remember what I said to you, the day we fucked on Santi’s bed?” Breath hot in her ear, Frankie’s hard erection pressed up against her bare thight.

“Mmmm” Jana’s tone was teasing, but she was panting and breathy, the rise and fall of her chest steady and deep. “You said quite a few things, if I remember correctly. Including but not limited to ‘If you tell Santi I’m never speaking to you again.’”

“Yeah, well, apparently that was a lie, because you did-”

“I had to, he was getting on my nerves!”

“And yet, it’s been what, 15 years later-

“You can’t be mentioning Santi during sex I’ll dry up like the Sahara”

“I’m not the one who had my tongue down his throat, mamacita” He never stopped kissing her neck.

“Oh you wish you had your tongue down his throat”

“No, that’s Ben, but nice try”

“Weren’t you going somewhere with this?”

“Oh yeah. I told you-”

“In Santi’s bed.”

“In Santi’s bed,” he groaned out, frustrated with her bratty mouth. How did he get her into subspace back in the day? He slapped her cunt, making her cry out, and he watched as her eyes glazed over, sinking into the couch as she looked at him adoringly. There it was. “Now, keep that pretty little mouth quiet for me, okay? I’ll put it to use in a moment.” He kisses her tenderly, continuing to circle her clit and play with her pussy lips, knowing not to finger her until she was ready. “I told you I wanted to ruin you, make it so that no one could ever fuck you right again.”  

When she spoke now, the lip, the bite, the attitude was gone. Nothing but love. “You did, I swear you did, not one’s ever felt like you, Francisco, no one’s ever been close.”

Smiling against her skin, Frankie turned away to not give up his rough demeanor. “Good.” His long fingers were all slicked up in her, and he growled in her ear. “Now, I want you to tell me how many men have fucked you since me.”

The tiniest glint of mischief was in her eyes, he could never make her completely submit to him, and he’d never want to make her. He loved the things that made her uniquely… Jana. “Bit heteronormative there, aren’t you, Catfish?”

“Oh!” He pretended to be embarrassed, fake apologizing. “Lo siento, hermosa, how many people have been inside you.” he emphasized the last two words by sliding two long, thick fingers inside her pussy.

“Aaahh!” Jana cried out in pleasure, back arching off the couch as he finger blasted her. 

“cuántas personas?”

She written at the aggressive penetration. “Seis! Cuatro hombres y dos mujeres!”

“Hm” was his non committal, answer, an odd contrast to the rate his fingers fucked her. He didn’t want to shame her for sleeping with other people, but he did feel possessive of his precious girlfriend.

Frankie dropped his head to her shoulder, and with it his act, just enough to check in. “Dame un color, mi preciosa chica?”

“Verde, verdeverdeverdeverde vete a la mierda!” She was getting close, always responding well to a vigorous speed after a good amount of build up, but he pulled his fingers out suddenly, making her whine.

“Shhhh, sh sh sh…” He held her shaking body, stroking her as she came down from her near-high. 

“Asshole” Jana muttered with no real spite.

Frankie gripped her chin, forcing her face to his. “That’s for mouthing off earlier. Watch your fucking attitude and I’ll see if I let you cum tonight”

They both knew damn well she’d cum tonight, he’d never, ever deny her, but when she’d cum was the question. She nodded, but that wasn’t enough for Frankie.

“Words, mama, use your words.”

Though her jaw did not have much room to move, she gritted out “Yes sir” And Frankie was satisfied, reinserting his fingers in her again.

Francisco teased Jana 3 more times before pulling his fingers out quickly, teasing her about how that was a close one while she practically sobbed. Shucking off his pants, he walked the the of the couch and with strong arms, pulled Jana’s near limp body so that her head hung back over the armrest. “A little too close last time, don’t you think?” He was still in his boxers, rubbing his clothed cock in her face as he spoke, hands on her shoulders. “Tell you what, mama, use your fingers, and if you can get yourself there while I use your mouth, you can cum, bien?”

A panting, sweating Jana replied. “Si, papi”

Taking off his boxers, he smiled at the way Jana’s mouth automatically opened up for him, she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He didn’t take long to slide his cock inside; he knew what she could take. “Fuck, fuck I’ve missed this mouth…”

She relaxed her throat and he slide down her, his cock bulging inside her as her fucked her mouth like he would he pussy latter that night. To him, he had the best view in the house. Jana’s plush lips around his cock that protruded from her wet throat, every dip and curve and pudge on her perfect body on display for while while she touched herself.

“Fuck, your fucking perfect, I fucking love you.” He mumbled before pulling himself off her.

Despite her desperately attempting to gain her breath, she still sputtered out a sloppy “Love you, Francisco”

As he shoved his cock back inside, he took that hand that wasn’t playing with herself and placed it on his thigh. She knew to squeeze twice if she needed to breathe. Every gluck, gluck, gluck from her throat spurred him on more, only stopping when she squeezed or he thought she was pushing herself too far. He loved this, he loved her, he loved her fucking mouth whether it was wrapped around his cock, showing their daughter with love, telling of some shithead or bickering with Santi, he loved to watch it go.

When he saw her stomach contracting, he figured she was close, but he wasn’t done with her yet. He had a specific goal in mind for tonight, and that required edging her into oblivion. He pulled out and as he stroked himself, Frankie dragged his balls over her pretty face, slathering the spit and make up that began running all over her face. He made a mental note to help her wash her hair tomorrow. It was only fair.

Frankie saw her fingers picking up pace, no doubt trying to cum, but he reached over and grabbed her hand sharply. “Aht, aht, aht” Teasing, he held both hands tight as he walked around, kneeling before her. “I’m not done with you yet.” As he ran his fingers up and down the length of her body, appreciating every inch given, he offered her a choice. “¿Quieres mi boca o mi polla?” He asked as he took his discarded shirt and cleaned up her face, carefully running the cloth under her eyes to clear up the make up. He loved how she looked all messy, but he knew it wasn’t a comfortable feeling and especially didn’t want anything to cause an eye infection.

“I can’t take any more teasing, Frankie” Jana pleased for him.

“Ooh, baby” Cooing, Frankie touched her face. “I’ll let you cum either way, okay? Just tell me how you want to?”

She didn’t need to even think. “Wanna cum on your cock” Nothing in the fucking world felt better than cumming on his cock. Except maybe his mouth. Or his fingers. Or when he praised her. Or when he massaged her back with those pilots fingers that knew exactly what they were doing. Winning and argument against Santi was a close second. 

“My cock it is, bebita. Are you ready for me?” He asked, for explicit consent but also for physical comfort.

“Yes! Jesus FUCKING christ just- ah!” She was cut off as he began to push into her.

“Such naughty words from such a pretty mouth”

But when Jana hissed in pain and scrambled back, Frankie froze, dropping all pretense. “What’s wrong baby? What do you need?”

“Fuck” she mumbled, just a little embaressed. “Sorry, I was wet enough, but I kinda lost it with my fingers.”

Quickly, Frankies hand cupped her face. “Don’t be sorry, mi amor.” Frankie kissed her tenderly before asking. “I have lube in my room if you want to keep going, or we-”

Jana gripped his shoulder with a force, her wide brown eyes intense. “Francisco Maximiliano Morales Gonzalez, don’t you fucking dare.”

He didn’t

 Frankie carried Jana into the bedroom, pulling out his lube and lathering her up nice and good before manhandling her to her hands and knees.

Moments later, after waiting too fucking long, Frankie was fucking the love of his life once again, her arms going weak.

“Fuck! Frankiiiieee, harder, I can take it.”

From where he knelt, he wrapped up a fistfull of her long, now-straightened hair and yanked it back, giving her perfect ass a nice slap.

“Frankie'' Jana panted. “You're holding back.”

It wasn’t that they never had a slow or medium pace before, but this was definitely not the extent of what a usual night between them entailed. No bondage, no leather whips, no handcuffs or bruising impact, all the things they loved.

Folding his body over hers. Frankie found her mouth for a kiss. “It’s been two years, I don’t wanna do something you changed your mind on.”

“I haven't changed my mind on anything, not with you.” She kissed him back lovingly.

Burying his face in her hair and relishing the familiar scent of coconut oil, he whispered. “Let me just take care of you tonight, we can discuss parameters in the morning”

She smiled at that. “Okay, Francisco.”

She was so fucking warm inside, he wanted to stay burried in her cunt forever, he wanted to fall asleep inside her, he wanted to be consumed by her essense and protected by the softness she was and the her fierce nature to keep the evil outside at bay. Safe with her, trusted, loved.

He came inside, knowing she had an implant, and when he finally allowed her to cum, a gush of liquid spurted out of her; Frankie’s end goal. She couldn’t always get fully lubricated, and that was perfectly fine with him, but sometimes if he edged her juuuussssttt enough…. He could make her squirt.

Jana felt her release rush out of her, she knew what was happening and she knew as soon as she collapsed on the the bedsheets, Frankie would drop to his stomach to lick it all up.

Each flick of his tongue, every press of his lips, every scratch of his mustache, every suck, nibble and kiss from her clit to her asscrack a he cleaned her brought a small, a final, weak orgasm out, and although Frankie be happy and content to stay with his face buried in her forever, all she had to do was wiggle slightly uncomfortably from the over stimulation, and he was out. Pulling the soiled comforter off the bed, Frankie gathered a few items. The silk pillowcase for her hair, a few clean blankets, and a warm washcloth to actually clean her with.

Cuddled up together, they did the necessary check in’s. ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘was there anything you didn’t like?’ ‘I loved when you-’ ‘you look so beautiful when-’

Words were lost on Jana. That’s what she liked about Frankie, he made the ever going buzz of her head cool down for a bit. She told him she loved him, how good he made her feel, how happy she was to be back… but that could never explain it properly. She’d talk to him tomorrow, really truly tell him how ecstatic she was, how he made her giggy like a schoolgirl again…. But for tonight…

She curled up in his strong, comforting embrace, and allowed herself to melt into the warmth that was Franscico Morales.

********************

This took ike two months to write lololololol

I got so distracted with Dark!Joel

I hope the whole thing with Jana not being able to get very wet wasn't weird bc I've had a few friends that pretty much need lube and there's nothing wrong with that. I try to strive for real elements when I can, like Sam in Sunshine having trouble orgasming on her anti-depressants.

also

squirting lololol

Comments mean the world, reblogs help a lot!!!! This series did not hit off like it'd have liked it to but such is life!

@milkymoon2483 @trinkets01 @poeedameronn @luciannadraven33 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @itspdameronthings @ellenmunn @welcometostayingawake @miraclesabound

[d4t-webserial]

D4T: Page 2 (Alice POV)

//cw: transphobic and ableist slurs// go here for more info on d4t

previous page - next page

No matter what she’d admit to herself or anyone else Alice was a hopeless romantic. Now this clashed with the irony poisoned nihilistic edgy persona she had built for herself, but nonetheless she wanted love. She found that this was an easier concept on paper than in practice, she had only dated men (specifically self-described chasers) and most of her relationships happened over the internet. And don’t get her wrong she knew chasers off 4chan were probably not the best dating pool but… she had a cock, her dating pool wasn’t going to be great anyway. So when she came across a post that read “looking for trans friends” she decided to bite. 

The post didn’t have much information (tho it did say he lived in her part of the country so if things go well…), but it did have a discord she could add, which she did. The chaser “trashbag_minister” (the name being retarded isn’t a good sign) quickly responded to her when she said hello…

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “hi”

trashbag_minister: “hello”

trashbag_minister: “how was your day”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “pretty good”

trashbag_minister: “that’s nice! how so?”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “ig it was jst slow for wrk ya kno”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “hbu”

trashbag_minister: “uhhhh,, fine. though my roomate invited me to a party that was pretty lame”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “cool”

trashbag_minister: “what do you do for fun?”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “nm like to hang w my friends mostly ig”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “wbu” 

And then as tho opening a floodgate he started talking about all the games and shows he liked, he said something about a character named eva he really liked or maybe the show was eva? Alice had a hard time paying attention, she thinks she was aware of alot of the things he mentioned because of some of her agp autist friends (maybe she’d ask Stel or Mar about it later… probably not tho), but like then she tended to tune most of it out. In all honesty tho she respected people like that who just *cared* about things even if it’s cringe (and oh god was it fucking cringe) but also like so is everything, so is she and the fucking know it all “who gives a shit” persona she has, she definitely has to give it up to those that love their retarded shit. 

After a while Alice realized that this chaser who she had learned was named “Lu” (who the fuck spells it like that) was… different. He didn’t seem to fit into any of the groupings of “chaser” she had known before (gay in denial, incel who is settling, wanna be macho man, and of course the honest to goodness girldick lover), he was at least a bit interested in her… she thought. They talked *all* the time, but he has never asked for a picture. It seemed reasonable at this point, as far as she knew the “tranny who wants a chaser friend” and “chaser who wants a tranny friend” were codes for, get to know each other, if you like their personality ask for pictures, and if you’re attracted start dating. It’s not like she was dying about him not asking or anything (obviously like this guy was kinda born to be a virgin)... she was just curious…

Fuck it they met on *4chan* she was just gonna come out and ask 

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “btw r u into me?” 

.

.

.

then 

trashbag_minister starts typing

then

.

.

. 

he stops typing…

previous page - next page

[eirxair]

of mice and men quotes- Curley's Wife Edition.

'Curely's Wife'- we never learn her name in the novel. make sure to point out the possessive on 'Curley's' to show that she's seen as Curley's property and nothing more in the novel.

'A girl...' -the first thing used to describe CW (Curley's Wife) is the word 'girl' this highlights how young she is. Make up some bullshit about Steinbeck choosing to put 'A girl' first in the sentence structure emphasises this.

'Her fingernails were red' this shows that she is 'done up' and cares about her appearance. make sure to point out the colour red and its association with danger and passion. 'Colour imagery'

'little sausage curls' -again bullshit. say that the use of the word 'little' highlights her youth and naivety.

'I was on'y fifteen' - point out that this is dialogue. the use of the word 'only' highlights just how young she was when she met Curley.

'Strung up a tree' -CW says this to threaten Crooks in chapter 4. Make sure to bring this up in any argument that she's not a victim. She uses her social standing and power as a white woman over Crooks. This shows that she's racist.

'Lousy Old Sheep' - CW says this about Candy in chapter 4, shows ageism ig, bring up the word 'lousy' and say that she thinks Candy is useless because he's only got one hand and is old. Say she's ableist and ageist for this one in an arguement that she's not a victim/pitiable/ whatever the question is.

'pitchers' 'tenament' - these two are going together for colloquialism. 'Pitchers' or 'Pictures' shows that she really did have a dream of being a movie star, and wont achieve it. idk about 'tenement' for 'tournament' just say that she wasnt that well educated or something seeing as she was super young when she met Curley.

'he ain't a nice guy' -CW says this somewhere in the book either chapter 5 or 4. anyway, bring up the fact that 'ain't' also isnt grammatically correct, but makes the dialogue feel more natural and vulnerable. bring up the word 'nice' and say that its a very bland descripter, perhaps showing that she's in denial of her situation and doesn't want to admit it.

'jailbait' 'tart' - CW gets called a lot of derogatory and misogynistic terms and insults by the men on the ranch. bring up the fact that 'bait' and 'tart' can be food to show that she's objectified and villainised for her sexuality. 'she got the eye' can also be used.

'cathouse' - where Curley goes. Show the double standard of CW being called a tart for acting provocative while Curley goes to the cathouse every week say that Curley cheats on his wife, but CW is blamed for acting provocative, because of a miosgynistic double standard.

'flopped like a fish' -bring up the aliteration. say that the aliteration emphasises the violence of the scene and perhaps shows that she's suffocating like a fish out of water. say that she must have been really scared. just be emotive with it. BRING UP THE FACT ITS A SIMILE.

just reach and pick out words bro idk.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Hi there! So I'm gonna start off with the fact that a lot of people say that I come off as blunt and ask rude/insensitive questions, so I do apologize if I do that, as it is not my intention! Just trying to learn more about stuff. *Sorry if anything is offensive, not the intention!*

Oh, also, secondly. Love your blog, it's absolutely amazing and it's great reading it.

Ok, so questions!

Question 1 (and this is kind of personal, so feel free to not answer. Actually, feel free to not answer any if you don't want to.): Did you recognize that you had NPD or did someone tell you? If someone else told you, is there anyway that you would've liked them to phrase it better or be more sensitive (or anything else)?

Question 2 (less personal? Maybe?): Are there any organizations that you know of that act like they're for NPD, but are actually really harmful (like Autism Speaks, but for peeps with NPD).

Question 3: OK, so this one needs a bit of ✨️backstory✨️. Again, feel free not to answer.

Question 3 Backstory: So, recently I've been looking up the symptoms of narcissism/NPD and I've realized that my mom displays a lot of these symptoms and could probably get an official diagnosis if she went to get one. I'm trying to bring it up to her, but I'm not exactly sure how to bring that up in conversation.

Ok, question 3: How do I tell her that she has a disorder in the most kindest and respectful way. I'm super forward and blunt and suck at "adding fluff" so I feel like if I just tell her that I think she has NPD that she'll take it badly cause she's super stigmatized about it (not sure if that's a good adjective, but it's the one I'm using. I guess I'm trying to say that she views it negatively)

Again, apologies if anything is offensive or anything like that!

Also, thanks for making this blog! It's awesome and super informational!

heyo! don't worry, honestly a lot of people tell me i come off the same and it's because i'm autistic so i get it 🥲

1. fair warning, my memory is a bit hazy because it was over a year ago and it was also a stressful time in my life.

i figured out about my NPD on my own.

from what i remember, i found out about my HPD first. it's a long story for any day, but long story short, i ended up having a huge breakdown because i was forced to confront a lot of symptoms and feelings i had been experiencing that i deemed inherently shameful my entire life. when i recovered from that a bit, i started interacting more with cluster b spaces and communities.

i already knew i was most likely cluster b even before i found out about my HPD (i wasn't exactly diagnosed with BPD in 2020 but my psychologist at the time was understably concerned about the fact that i said yes to every single question on the assessment he gave me) but i had gone into heavy denial about it and figured it wasn't true for a mixture of reasons.

interacting with spaces and researching PDs in general more made me realize i met a lot of the criteria for NPD (among other things. honestly this time in my life has made me confront that i am extremely disordered in the personality department in general!). sorta went back and forth on wether it was just HPD or just NPD, but turns out it is very much both!

2. i don't know of any organizations that are specifically about NPD at all tbh, especially not one as large scale as something like autism speaks, but what i will say is on a more general level, a lot of organizations that strive to help people with trauma will still use ableist language like narcissistic abuse, calling abusers narcissists/narcissistic or psychopaths/psychopathic, ect or just straight up demonize NPD itself. so while, fortunately, pwNPD don't have something like autism speaks to stand up against (as far as i know! i may be wrong!), we're not exactly very welcomed by trauma survivor organizations in general.

3. see, that one is definitely tricky. i've definitely been the one to break the news to people at times, but they were people around my age who already had an understanding of mental health/psychology and weren't perpetuating stigma.

i might suggest starting out with a more detached approach, trying to break down her biases and internalized stigma by educating her on the topic before bringing up her connection to it? like if the topic somehow comes up or she does something like call someone a narcissist, maybe use it as an opportunity to subtly educate her wether that be in the moment or maybe later on in the case that she's upset.

i do also want to emphasize to only do this if you if you feel it'll be safe to do so. obviously i'm not saying that because your mother exhibits NPD symptoms, i'm saying that because i don't know much about your relationship with your mother and i know not everyone has a relationship with their parents where they can talk to them about certain things safely. i have an incredibly abusive relationship with my mother but i believe i'm in a better position than most where i can talk to her about her mental illness and the possibility of her having BPD without it being guaranteed to immiedately flip into a dangerous situation.

if you feel like you can safely educate her and then safely bring up the possibility so she can get help, i welcome you to do so. it all depends on your specific situation. if she doesn't show any signs of backing down on her stigmatized views, i more than encourage you to prioritize your mental health and safety.

i also want to emphasize as her child, you are not responsible for her mental health and her refusal to accept possibly having a disorder would have nothing to do with you.

in all honesty, i'm not super sure about how to "add fluff" to that sort of conversation either. i'm also usually super blunt and don't exactly remember how i brought up the possibility of people having NPD to them or specifically how i brought up the possibility of my mother having BPD to her. if anyone wants to add on with some advice on that, that'd be cool, but i think i've done as much as i can for now myself </3

[theofreakingbell]

I'm proud of myself today.

(cw mentions of parental abuse and discussions of trauma)

I've been in this fandom for a long time, almost since I could legally have an account on here. There's a person on here that I used to follow when I was younger. at the time I was being abused by my parents and going through a lot of other shit in my life and Loki was something that comforted and validated me.

I felt a tremendous amount of doubt and insecurity about loving him. I didn't on a basic level know it wasn't morally wrong because he was a villain. I was intensely vulnerable and didn't know I was being abused and was looking for any validation I could find. her blog was, to me then, one of my safe spaces. the scarce few I had. She didn't think it was wrong for people to love him, and she clearly loved him very much herself. She spoke of many of his feelings like they mattered. validated things I had hardly seen elsewhere. She was a good curator of fandom posts too. I would go to her blog sometimes when I needed comfort in my anger and hurt from my abuse, and on at least one occasion feeling like that was a safe space stopped me from self harming. I thought for years that I literally in some ways owed her my life.

she also reblogged misinformation about abuse on multiple occasions. I ate it up and it made me feel more depressed and self destructive. She woobified Frigga to a ridiculous extent and refused to acnowledge any responsibility that she had in the things they shouldn't have done that it made me internalise problematic shit about my own mom (whose relationship with my own father and acting as a sort of peacemaker while also doing her own bad stuff mirrors Odin and Frigga very much) that I am still having to carefully detangle from me like glass shards. I nearly realised I was a survivor years earlier than I did because of how I was relating my own trauma to Loki and beginning to understand it, or at least that it existed, and it was what I saw on her blog, the assertions that what he went through wasn't abuse, the denial of certain areas of abuse, that sent me crying and thinking that I couldn't be one, and that I was wrong for wanting to know that he was a survivor too.

Her knowledge of psychology and the terms she used was clearly stuck in some past decade and she said multiple ableist and nonsensical things re loki's mental health. She said that Loki did what he did in the first movie because of psychosis which. just. absolutely not. She shared things that pathologised Odin instead of criticising him properly and without ableism.

I just. I was so afraid that nobody would ever care about what I went through or listen to me or respect me as someone who loves Loki and had bad luck in finding better people that I clung to her far longer than I should have, or should have had to, and I had a very hard time realising that while I saw her as someone who could be a safe space, she wasn't that, and in a lot of ways hurt me and made things worse for me. She validated his anger and pain while obscuring and lying about some of what hurt him and in turn made me think harder that what was being done to me was okay, because ~they were trying~, as if that should have been enough to protect me from what they were doing (it wasn't).

I know I'm a survivor now. I know Loki is too. I have met and talked with and befriended so many lovely people here. I feel safe in the fandom now in a way I literally never thought I would and I am so happy and greatful for that. (she was not the only problem, nor my only source of trauma within fandom, but she was a gigantic part of it)

She's never interacted with me on here. I have no idea if she even knows I exist. for multiple years I couldn't even bear to look her up to block her because there was a part of my brain screaming that that was too harsh, that I should be greatful to her, that I owed her that.

I blocked her today.

II'm still struggling to know, in the whole of me, that she and her feelings are not my responsibility. I cared about her so desperately for so long and part of me still does. But I do not owe her access to me when even seeing her username makes my entire body tense up, when she, a full grown adult, put me as a child in more danger that I was already in by not being careful not to spread misinfo about abuse and not be dismissive of it, when she gave me emotional wounds I will likely be dealing with long after she dies (she's quite a bit older than me), when I cannot even think of existing in the same space as her without feeling short of breath.

I do not owe her that. and I owe myself the peace and safety of knowing I never have to interact with her again.

Here's to relaxing a little more after today.

[sky-forest-inn]

okay a serious genuine vent post but like

im already well aware of anti-endo systems and like... how hateful and violent a lot of them can be but like... a huge part of me felt extremely torn once seeing posts about traumagenic pro-endo systems and being looked down upon for supporting our endo siblings and it like... literally ENABLES the feeling we had prior to our syscovery which made us deny being a system ENTIRELY.

i know we rambled about it in the tags of a post once but to those who never saw it, we are a TRAUMAGENIC system that was in denial for two and a half years. we were surrounded by so many systems, so we always believed "if i'm surrounded by so many systems, i'd have caught on by now if i was a system or not via symptom sharing or whatever."

well we never did. because we were surrounded by ANTI-ENDO systems and their strong hatred for endos and the severe GATEKEEPING made us repress our systemhood ENTIRELY. it got so bad, we were triggered into severe panic attack when anyone even SUGGESTED it, including by other traumagenic systems too.

this was because of how anti-endos were so strict on systemhood. it made us feel watched. if we came out as a system, we feared we'd be stared down at, watched, observed, stalked, for the slightest chance we do something even ever so slightly outside of standard systemhood and get torched into flames for "faking it."

We would sob for days when someone suggested we were a system. we lashed out on our closest loved ones because of it. Any sort of systemhood we experienced made us mentally unstable all day. and it wasnt because we were against the idea of being a system, it was because we feared how we would be viewed... not just by singlets, but by our own people. our own community. the people who were supposed to share their safe space with us.

two and a half years. two and a half years.

around about december 2023/january 2024, we met the first ever traumagenic* system who was pro-endo we knew in our life. we actually felt comfortable with then. we were always endo-neutral, but masked as anti-endo due to our surroundings, but this system in particular showed us a much better view of endogenic systems, made us feel safer being around endogenic systems, and surprise surprise, made us feel safe seeing ourselves as a system for the first time of our life

*(formerly perceived traumagenic at the time, now considered mixed origin)

that system is our partner system now. we dated before our syscovery, but all the way through it, they supported us, aided us, gave us the resources we needed, and the love and patience for us when stepping into actual systemhood. a pro-endo system supported us. a pro-endo system made us feel safe. and you'd think at this point, that'd imply we were endogenic, but we're not. we're still traumagenic, yet it was a mixed-origin pro-endo system who made us feel safe as a system at all

they then showed us the pro-endo side of sysblr. how everyone was so kind, loving, understanding and supportive of each other. ive seen so much more joy on the plural tag filled with endos than i have in the anti endo tags. it made us feel even more safe. a community of plurals that would support us as a system no matter what. (pro)endogenics made systemhood so, so, so much safer for us

and yet the anti-endos go around hollering how endos were ableist, disgusting, revolting, how theyre all "delusional" and should all die. and they claim endogenics as the unsafe people. it hurt, as a traumagenic system. a traumagenic system, whose only safe space was amongst endogenics. and it only stung further once pro-endo traumagenic systems were called out as bad systems. how we're bad guys too, solely because we support the people who are valid, but also validating to us.

they hurt their own people. they hurt other traumagenic systems. they already hurt us by gatekeeping systemhood... and then they hurt us again for supporting our endogenic siblings. it hurts. yet they claim endogenics the unsafe plurals. it's ironic, painfully ironic, that they cannot see that. they hurt their own people solely to "prove" that they're always "right."

systemhood is terrifying, but it's significantly more terrifying because of the anti-endos who do these sorts of things. i feel like the call out on pro-endo traumagenics truly stabbed our heart the most on a personal level, but every anti-endo remark already pains us enough as it is.

... we will always be pro-endo. we will always support each and every plural. we are family, we are community, we are one. endogenics gave us the safe space anti-endos couldnt give us. always know you will have the heart of a traumagenic system for the rest of your wonderful lives. i love you all, especially our dearest and most beloved partner system. our lives were changed for the better because of them, and we would not have it any other way.

the future is plural

i love you all

[thedreadvampy]

ok the thing I'm struggling to find words for in my mind tonight is. a deep discomfort with the framing that complex relationships to sexuality and gender are something exclusive to queerness. that cishet people's relationship to sexuality and gender is by definition simple. and that's a tempting idea and like, yeah, there's much less impetus for a cishet person to examine their sexuality and gender. but that doesn't mean there's no complexity to it. and this isn't intended as a Don't Be Mean To The Poor Straights post it's just. observably not true that no cishet person has a complex relationship to sexuality and gender.

queerness is a complicating factor in people's relationship to sexuality and gender - we are made more conscious of the ways we don't fit what's expected, our sexuality and gender is often what is used to justify marginalisation and it comes with a whole host of pain and joy because of that, and the way that queerness is marginalised forces us into direct conversation with our sexuality/gender

but queerness isn't the only complicating factor in people's relationships to sexuality and gender. like as a woman who is pretty Definitely Cis I still have a huge ongoing wrestle with my gender - it's female, but what that means and how that's expressed and how that affects how i move through the world is still complicated and fraught and often messy and contradictory. that doesn't make me trans but it does feel pretty alienating that in a lot of queer spaces there's this implied assumption that the only type of gender complexity is a discovery of non-cisness.

(and tbh a lot of the time that's fair because a lot of people aren't cis and as I say like. it's much easier to Never Have These Conversations (with others or with yourself) if you're cis. so a lot of cis people never really name their gender troubles because they're not brought face to face with them.)

but there are a lot of things that affect your relationship to your gender. for me, I know I'm a woman, but how I'm a woman is a messy question wrapped up in trauma, in misogyny, in bisexuality, in autism, in body image, in the specifics of who I am and how I relate to the world and how I want to be seen and why. and there kind of is a thing in a lot of IRL queer spaces I hang out in where people jump straight to diagnosing me with Trans of Gender if I try to discuss a complex relationship with womanhood, or a desire to present as GNC, or a discomfort with being performed in certain gendered ways. and for a lot of people that is a step on the route but as far as I can tell it's not for me, I've spent many years trying out the shape of different genders because I had got into a headspace that any complexity in my relationship to genders must mean I was Not Cis, and for me it just didn't fit, womanhood remained the best fit. and I don't regret that, I think in an ideal world everyone should push themselves to question their gender and try out and see what good, and some people are just statistically gonna be cis like. it would be a weird numbers game for absolutely nobody's gender and sex to line up.

but I'm getting sidetracked. I was thinking about how cis and het people have the capacity for equally complex relationships to gender and sexuality as anyone else, and why that's important.

(I've never been straight or even thought I was straight, but I have occasionally talked to straight people and like. I have never met anyone, straight or queer, with a simple and uncomplicated relationship to their own sexuality - is it right, is it socially acceptable, there's shame, there's trauma, there's confusion, there's gendered and racialised and ableist baggage)

and like. it isn't that sexuality and gender aren't less of a fraught space for cishet people as a group than for queer people as a group. obviously in a group that faces a history and present of marginalisation and active violence on the basis of sexuality and gender, those are more intense complexities, and because of that there's also more intense joy as well as intense conflict. we are able to build community through marginalisation. we're brought face to face with our complex relationships to ourselves and because we can't ignore it we have built the language and community and frameworks to explore it and revert in it in a way many cis het people haven't.

but.

understanding intersectionality means understanding that as much as the marginalisation of queerness is bound up in the complexity of our relationships to gender and sexuality, so are power structures of race and gender and health and neurodivergence and wealth and class and geography and culture and language and religion and politics and education.

ultimately sexuality and gender are a huge element in how we relate to the world and our bodies and ourselves. and how the world relates to us. and there isn't a person on earth for whom that's 100% simple.

and idk I think a) to pretend that cishet people can't experience their bodies and themselves in a complex way is just a denial of reality, b) it simplifies out the many intersections of identity and power in all of us (even the straightest cisest manliest rich white dude) that make our social and personal identities messy and intricate and c) it gets in the way of us building meaningful intracommunity solidarity through a shared understanding of the beauty and pain and infinite variety of gender and sexuality

also idk. it's weird to me. to me it posits that to be cis, to be straight, to be allosexual and alloromantic, is a default whereas queerness is a deviation. and I just don't believe that, I don't think there's a 'normal' and uncomplicated Default State and then everyone outside it is a complication. I think there's value in embracing that othering in the world we live in, where we need to find strength in anger and in resistance, but I don't think it represents a truth about the world as much as a reclamation of the weapons used against us.

to me it feels similar to the way that white people thinking of ourselves as aracial and everyone else as racialised is an act of unconscious white supremacy. or the way that people are really keen to draw a sharp line between the Disabled Other and the Healthy Normal People. the idea that there's Normal People and Diverse People isn't...good...really? and this is in itself a messy issue because I do think there's a lot of power and value in taking pride in the complexity and thoughtfulness of queer relationships to sex and gender and I don't think there's some great evil in joking at the expense of the privileged. but when that starts to inform your actual serious thinking I think it can be counterproductive because erasing the complexity of cishet identities and acting as if any complexity in relationship to sexuality and gender means someone's Wrong About Being Straight/Cis is kind of reinforcing the otherising of queerness.

ughhhhh this is why I say it's hard to find words. because to me now it sounds like I'm saying 'don't suggest people might be queer' and like. do do that. we're in a world where that space isn't left open for the vast majority of people and straight or not, cis or not, allo or not, I think pretty much everyone benefits from having the space and community and language to have a conversation with their own identity. but that's kind of my thing like that conversation doesn't have a right answer. the conversation needs to have room for a model of straightness and a model of cisness that doesn't immediately slam the door on further exploration.

(also I've mostly been taking about cishet people here but let's be honest it's really a question of cis AND/OR het. one thing I'm finding really difficult at the moment is that there seems to be a lot of conversations about queerness and gender expression which conflate GNCness and a complex relationship to gender exclusively with being trans, and a lot of the time talk about how being a woman and being sapphic affect your relationship to gender are understood as less authentic explorations where they incorporate cis gendered identities. and a lot of discussions about complex cis wlw relationships to gender and womanhood get coopted by terfs who think that because their complex experience of gender is a cis one that means all complex experiences of gender are cis ones being wishfully misinterpreted (this is because TERFs have. no capacity or will to imagine experiences beyond their own, apparently) and that leaves. for me. often very little room to authentically discuss and explore with others my own identity as a cis wlw who uses she/her pronouns and still has a complex relationship to gender. and indeed as someone whose attraction to men (and no it's not straight but it's different-gender) is as textured and complex as her attraction to women. like it's a long way off the top of the list of Things To Worry About but I think about it a lot.)

[werevulvi]

Are there autistic support or advocacy orgs that you'd reconmend in your country?? I know sometimes stuff having to do with disbility can be more ableist and concealed scammish so i think i'd rather ask an actual autistic adult who may have used services of this type instead of donating blindly falling for facades.

I actually don't know if there are any. And I wanna tell you why, if you, or anyone else reading this, want to know. For most of my life, I've avoided anything and everything related to autism communities, organisations, advocacy, support groups, politics, etc. I've avoided learning about my condition at all, even. All because I haven't accepted/embraced it at all. Most so-called experts on it I've met, and other caretakers supposedly well-versed in caring for autistic people, have been ableist and treating me as if I have the IQ of a cotton ball, and as if I'm incapable of understanding any social stuff at all. They barely even treat me as an adult. They treat me like a retarded child, and I'm not even gonna censor that goddamn word. So I've distanced myself from anything autism related as much as possible, while still having to deal with caretakers, etc, because, well... denial of course doesn't fix my issues. It's only very recently I've begun to slowly accept that this is just how my stupid brain is, and if that's called autism, alright then. I was diagnosed 16 years ago, but I've stayed in denial of what being autistic actually means, creating my own isolated definition for it, as a monstrous disease, which I've been able to uphold by not taking part in any sort of autism community ever, and deflect and reject any notions of me being wrong. Even other autistic people's understanding of what it means to be autistic upsets me, and triggers a fight response. But lately, in the past few months or so, I've begun to slowly drop my guard about it. I have begun connecting a little with other autistic people, whom I just so happened to stumble into at the daily activity center for disabled people I just started going to, as a substitute for a job. But I'm nowhere near embracing my condition to the extent that I'd advocate for it or do research on organisations, etc. I still get very angered, and I guess triggered (perhaps even in an actual sense of the word triggered) from hearing other people talk about it as basically a personality trait, a positive thing at all, etc. Which is what most people in advocacy and support organisations do. Well, at least they don't tend to bash autism as a monstrous disease. I can't handle hearing about it as basically a personality trait, because to me it's a debilitating disability, and not something I identify with at all. To me, it's like something akin to brain cancer, which erodes at my actual personality. I still keep wishing for a cure. I still kinda need to come to terms with that it's something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Even just saying that twists my gut. As a kid/teen, I always had it shoved down my throat that being autistic is this "wonderful" and "unique" personality thing and I never got any of my actually disabling issues addressed. The sensory overload, my inability to understand my own emotions, how I was so easily taken advantage of because assumed everyone was as honest as I was, my difficulties keeping up with regular schooling pace, etc. For that, I was just told "that's just because of your autism, nothing's wrong with you" over and over again, while I watched my life fall apart. So yeah... being autistic is a bad thing, for me. Or at the very least, it's a deeply uncomfortable thing. But I'm starting to slowly understand that the more positive autistic people are probably right, that's just JUST a bad thing, but maybe a mix of good and bad... and that maybe it's not so much that autism is a terrible condition, but more so that I was just treated badly. By well-meaning caretakers and therapists who just took the positive messages about autism a bit too far, probably without knowing that they caused damage in the process, with far too much validation. That to me is a toxic degree of validation, and it set my habilitation back by over a decade. So I'm a bit pissed off by that... But despite having been immensely hurt by that for far too many years, and almost wishing people would have tried to beat the autism out of me instead (because at

least that would have been a productive approach, albeit probably just as damaging) I can understand that in a sense, my personality is intertwined with traits of my autism, and not something I could (or should) ever meaningfully try to separate from myself, but the desire to do so, is still there. So I get that my lashing out on even good advocacy is unfounded, but I also think it's reasonable that I do. Me and autism have a very, very fraught relationship, and I've just about began to mend it. Those kinda wounds can't be healed over night. It will likely take me years, if I'll ever truly embrace my autism. So I'm sorry, but I can't help you. I don't know of any such organisations in my country, good or bad. I haven't ever used any support or advocacy organisations for autism, I've avoided them like the plague and shut my ear to it. And I can't help you find any either, because looking up/reading things pertaining to autism is still kinda triggering for me, unless it's about bashing the terrible condition. Although I think your goal/intent is honorable, and I wish you luck with finding something reputable. Perhaps there is some autism related discussion forums on Reddit that could help you out? It's been resourceful in regards to all sorts of other things for me, that website, is my thinking.

[funnymemes-and-kinkydreams]

Imma just say right fucking now. If you have a problem with PoC or LGBT+ people. Unfollow me. If you support ICE, children being in cages, the confederate flag, if you're mad racist statues are being taken down, if you feel like defending JK Rowling's transphobia, if you're ableist, if you're anti vax unfollow me. If you're response to BLM is "all lives matter" ESPECIALLY if you fall under anything I listed above fucking unfollow me. If you defend rapists as though they're just misguided individuals who made a mistake and shouldn't be stripped of their futures or whatever bullshit excuse you come up with unfollow me. If you think men and women are separate beings altogether and should not be treated equally unfollow me. If your delusional mind loops in pedophiles with LGBT people fucking unfollow me.

I don't respect you. You don't really care about all lives. You don't care about justice. You care about fitting in one tiny little box and burning anything outside of it cause you're not used to anything outside those 4 walls. You say that any of us that are outside of that box are snowflakes. That we're weak. You're wrong. We were brave enough to climb out the box. We were brave enough to venture out and see the rest of the world. We are brave enough to be ourselves. And we have friends and family and people we never met who come from the same box you do helping us hide from your flames who see that the box wasn't everything. Us and our allies are not weak or fragile. You're the ones afraid of anything new or different. So afraid you've created this idea for generations that we're NEW in the first place. Guess what mother fuckers y'all have been living in denial denying our existence for generations but that didn't make us any less real. Check ancient poetry, art, stories, artifacts. We've been here. You can fear and hide from us all you want you can keep trying to take things away but we don't stop existing we don't stop taking up space. We love and laugh and breathe and eat and smile and cry. Just like you.

You don't get to hate someone simply for being different. That's not politics. That is humanity. If you're against the very concept of humanity. Yeah I do not respect you. I don't want to hear from you. Unfollow me. Your hate your words will not be tolerated here.

[quiltwork]

There’s two sides of the spectrum trauma victims/survivors fall on.

“I’m making this up, they have it worse than me, I don’t deserve any empathy” vs. “I was screwed from the start, so nobody else compares to me. They should all shut up and comfort Me.”

One is someone who is struggling with denial, low self-esteem, and isolation. The other has a victim complex, lives off narcissistic pride to cover up inner shame, and has no empathy for others. 

It’s an ableist message we’ve all simply accepted, but it couldn’t be further from the truth: The worst tragedy matters more than mine

It keeps Person 1 in denial, self-hatred, in toxic or abusive relationships, addiction(s), self-sabotage. It keeps Person 2 in all the same things except for denial, because for Person 2, they’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing that can help them and nothing they could do to heal, so the end goal for recovery for them is to stay in control of others to get their needs met. This “Abuse Leads to Abuser” mentality of their survival of the fittest mindset is the switch they refuse to flick off, even if they finally accept medication one day and feel remorse for their past actions, they could still have this mindset; My Trauma Trumps Your Trauma(s). You Don’t Exist. Listen to Me or I’ll Break You. You Could Never Understand Me. You’re Weak if you think That Hurt You. I Don’t Believe that Happened. It Wasn’t as Bad as Mine. and on and on and on.

Trauma is not a competition. Neglect of any form is not less than. Rape is not more than. Sexual abuse is not less than. Infant-Toddler trauma is not more than. Adult trauma is not less than. Child on child abuse is not less than. Physical abuse is not more than. Emotional abuse is not less than. If the abuser was a female, it’s not less than. If they were younger, it’s not less than. If it hurt you, it hurt you. They all pretty much lead to the same symptoms, outcomes, and bad coping mechanisms. 

You don’t owe it to anyone to prove how traumatized you are if they can’t give you basic decency of emotional support

[crippleprophet]

Just wondering, are you against euthanasia in all cases? Even for those who are in constant pain and just can't take it anymore? I have mixed feelings about it myself, but I think it's really up to the person who is suffering. If they have made up their mind about it, they will end it either way. I think euthanasia is just the more humane way to go in that case.

the short answer: yes, I am against euthanasia in all cases.

the long answer: I believe that it is necessary to do more than just oppose and outlaw the act of assisted suicide itself, because in actuality, data suggests that most assisted suicides are motivated not by pain or physical suffering but by ableism and the mental and emotional suffering caused by an ableist society (source).

in order to prevent disabled people’s deaths, we need to create a society in which disabled people can live. from my perspective, which is based on the work of anti-euthanasia activists such as Not Dead Yet, there are four main facets to this:

1. physical healthcare: this first includes providing access to quality care - including pain medication - for disabled folks; universal healthcare is a necessity. the fact that in some cases assisted suicide is covered by insurance while actual treatment plans are not or are more expensive is evil and sickening. 

this step also involves forgiving medical debt and training doctors that disability is not a bad thing; doctors consistently underestimate disabled people’s quality of life compared to assessments by disabled folks ourselves (source), in addition to the rampant denial of autonomy experienced by disabled people seeking healthcare.

2. mental healthcare: again, universal healthcare is a necessity, and that includes resources for disabled people to learn how to adapt to disability and to deal with the depression that is often a result of disability and navigating an inaccessible and ableist society. we also need and deserve therapists who are disabled themselves. 

it’s difficult for disabled people to get proper care for depression and suicide ideation because we are often met by society with the response “I would kill myself if I was you” rather than “it gets better.” to quote Not Dead Yet, “legalized assisted suicide sets up a double standard: some people get suicide prevention while others get suicide assistance, and the difference between the two groups is the health status of the individual. this is blatant discrimination.”

quality mental healthcare needs to be available to everyone, not just physically disabled folks, as well; many doctors overlooking symptoms of depression in disabled people when approving assisted suicide is a major issue, but there is also at least one instance where an able-bodied person with severe depression died by assisted suicide (source).

3. accessibility: the top two reasons listed for prescriptions issued for assisted suicide in Oregon are loss of autonomy and less ability to engage in activities; the fifth most common is feelings of being a burden (source). creating accessible homes, schools, workplaces, places of worship, community centers, and sources of entertainment is life-saving work. accommodations and assistive technology don’t just change lives, they save them.

4. representation: stigma is one of the main factors involved in abled people’s support of assisted suicide; a life using a wheelchair or a feeding tube or an oxygen tank is viewed by society as less of a life than that of an abled person. positive, accurate, nuanced representation of disability shows abled and disabled people alike that life does not and should not end when someone becomes disabled.

the last two points in particular also highlight the necessity of anti-ableism efforts; society needs to stop treating disabled people like burdens and denying us autonomy, because doing so is literally killing us. 

I’ll wrap it up with a disability justice slogan: we are not a fate worse than death. if you’re reading this and you’re interested in anti-euthanasia activism, check out this toolkit. 

lastly, I’m not opposed to discussing this issue with other disabled people, but please don’t send me messages or asks about assisted suicide if you’re not disabled, please preface the message/ask with “euthanasia tw” or something similar, and please be sensitive of your tone; as someone who is in constant pain and struggles with suicide ideation, it’s really triggering for assisted suicide to be referred to as “humane” in any context. 

[fierceawakening]

also maybe this is my ableism talking but i think a lot of the “NTs being nervous when you say you lack empathy” isn’t about autism, it’s about ASPD

the definition of which seems to imply not caring, pretty strongly

To diagnose antisocial personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:[51]

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:

1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):a.Identity: Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure.b.Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior.

AND

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):a.Empathy: Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.b.Intimacy: Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others.

B. Pathological personality traits in the following domains:

1. Antagonism, characterized by:a.Manipulativeness: Frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others; use of seduction, charm, glibness, or ingratiation to achieve one's ends.b.Deceitfulness: Dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self; embellishment or fabrication when relating events.c. Callousness: Lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse about the negative or harmful effects of one's actions on others; aggression; sadism.d. Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior.2. Disinhibition, characterized by:a. Irresponsibility: Disregard for – and failure to honor – financial and other obligations or commitments; lack of respect for – and lack of follow through on agreements and promises.b. Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans.c.Risk taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard for consequences; boredom proneness and thoughtless initiation of activities to counter boredom; lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger.

C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.

D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or sociocultural environment.

E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).

F. The individual is at least age 18 years.

Antisocial personality disorder falls under the dramatic/erratic cluster of personality disorders, "Cluster B."

That may be ableist and need redefining, but... I don’t think it is all about thinking of oneself as superior. 

If lack of empathy is something you’re told means “Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.”

there are valid reasons to not want to befriend someone with this particular trait. “Lack of concern” is much more serious than “lack of emotion.” “Lack of concern” implies not caring.

If "empathy” means something else, something perceptual, then that’s not a reason for wariness! You’re right!

But this is what we are told it means, so that’s why so many of us do this weird thing where wonder if you’re monsters.

Also, I think... people try to talk like they don’t care about this, but they do. I mean, if filicidal parents have no remorse for killing their disabled kids, do y’all just shrug and go “oh well neurology is diverse! :-) only some people feel remorse :-) :-)” or does that seem... I don’t know... monstrous?

[pickingstars-blog1]

moffat gave a version of that quote in pretty much interview he did today but the best one was def on the syfy fan show thing (in which he confirmed he knew chris was planning on casting a woman but not who & that all the references in s10 to it were deliberate) where he said backlash was basically three guys who never left their house and "they're only frightened of a lady doctor because they've never met a lady before." you really get the sense he's enjoying this...

I’ve just seen that and it’s so glorious! 

All these people pretending that Steven Moffat is anti-female Doctor, all these people that have genuinely made multiple posts claiming Steven Moffat is fuming about Chris casting a woman, people who have seen the show, who have seen series 8 and 9 and 10. Without appearing completely rude to these people in question, how utterly deluded do you have to be, how much denial do you have to be in, to convince yourself that  Steven Moffat hates the idea of a female Doctor? W’hen you’ve seen the subtext, when you’ve seen the...text, when you’ve seen the now...many...statements Steven Moffat has passionately given about this.

I can’t wait to continue loving the heck of out Steven Moffat and everything he does, and I can’t wait to see the more mindless bunch of his critics continue to call him a sexist racist homophobic ableist prick, even when literally everything he’s done regarding Doctor Who in the past like three years has proved otherwise.  

x