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thetriumphantpanda · 8 months

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Take My Breath Away | Joel Miller

The Checklist - Breath Play

Chapter Summary | It's the overthinking that makes it hard to ask for what you want sometimes, so you ask for the thing you want most in the only way you know how - in the heat of the moment.

Chapter Warnings | Again, and as always, porn without plot. Dirty talk, fingering, unprotected PiV sex, creampie, breath play (sexual choking), peeing after sex (pls do this), softness and lots of love. No outbreak AU. No use of y/n.

Word Count | 2k

Pairing | Joel Miller x F!Reader

Authors Note | Oh my god what is this? Charlie finishing another series? I cannot tell you how sad I am to be saying goodbye to these two - they have turned into the two greatest loves of my life. Thanks are due to @vickywallace for sending this idea into my inbox in the first place - thank you for such a wonderful idea and for supporting this series! If you like this then please considering reblogging or commenting, it makes my life worth living! And if you'd like to support me further you can donate to my Ko-Fi.

A reminder that whilst this is part of a wider series, this can be read as a standalone if you wish.

Beautiful divider by @saradika

I no longer have a taglist, to keep up to date with my work, please follow @thetriumphantpandanotifs and turn on notifications.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-Fi.

It started innocently enough. Joel’s big palm resting at your collarbone when he was inside you, his teeth nipping at your earlobe. It was a fleeting moment, no added pressure, but there was still a shot of thrill that settled across you, one that made you think of that little list and the thought in the back of your mind that you wanted him to push his hand a little higher and press.

How to ask for it properly had been playing on your mind for a little while. It’s not like the two of you weren’t open with each other, you’d proved that already. And you trusted Joel with your life, you know he wouldn’t hurt you. But each night, when you sit together on the couch and go to open your mouth to talk about it, nothing happens. Mainly because it feels inconsequential to you, does it need a big conversation like some of the other things? You don’t think so.

It happens about a week later. Friday night, dinner eaten, glass of whisky drunk in front of the TV. Joel is settled on his back, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he reads a book, you’re similar, but you’re restless. You’re reading some romance novel, and like clockwork, the two love interests have just turned up to the hotel to find there’s only one bed. They don’t really hate each other anymore, and in his sleep, he’s rolled over and draped an arm over her waist, chest to her back, and she can feel how much he wants her.

You scoff a little, which pulls Joel’s attention from his own reading, to you, “That bad huh?” He asks, innocently enough.

“Just predictable.” You shrug, trying to hide the way your thighs are unconsciously rubbing together under the sheets.

“Lemme guess,” He says, setting down his own book, along with his glasses, “They hate each other, but also secretly they don’t, and they’ve just turned up to the hotel and they have to share a bed?”

You turn to him, chuckling as you look at the front and back cover, “Have you read this before?”

“No baby,” He chuckles, “It’s just they’re all the same, if it ain’t that then it’s somethin’ forbidden or she’s too happy and he’s too grumpy, just a lucky first guess.”

There’s a little more talking, and then the lights turn off, Joel turning on his side to fall asleep, but there’s that deep throb between your thighs that no matter what you do, won’t go away.

“Joel?” You whisper, poking at his arm, listen to him grumble but ultimately not reply, “Joel?” You whisper again, a little louder.

“Yes, baby?” It’s soft when he talks, not annoyed at you for keeping him awake.

“Joel, I need you.” You whisper once more.

You can hear the rustle of the sheets as he turns, then his arm wrapping around your waist, tugging you into his chest, that hand of his wandering down to cup your ass, “You feelin’ needy, baby?” He asks lowly, pressing kisses to your forehead and then your cheek until he’s kissing your mouth.

You roll onto your back, gripping onto his naked shoulders so he follows, the entire weight of his body on yours until he rests his upper body on his elbows, hands pushing your hair back from your face as he settles himself between your thighs. You can feel him, pressing against that part of you, already semi-hard and wanting, like he was struggling just as much as you to go to bed without touching you.

“You needy for me too?” You ask innocently as his lips press to your neck, he doesn’t answer, just slowly rolls his hips into yours.

There’s a moment where he reaches down between the two of you, lets his fingers brush over your folds, dipping down slightly to find you already wet. It’s not a surprise for either of you anymore, you think that there’s always some level of slickness settling between your legs whenever you see him - still not quite believing you get him all to yourself.

Joel drags his fingers up to your clit, slick dragging across your bud of nerves, a soft whimper leaving your mouth as he gently circles it. He’s taking his time, working you up slowly because he knows you don’t have anywhere to be in the morning. In a few minutes, you’re already moving your hips in time with his fingers, his mouth kissing your neck, his teeth nipping at your skin too. You’re clutching at his shoulders, nails digging half-moon shapes into his skin, when he pulls his hand away.

You’d complain until you can feel what he’s doing - his fist tight around his cock, moving up and down as he positions himself at the entrance of your cunt, tip nudging there as his mouth comes to cover your own. You’re just opening your mouth to him when he slips himself inside, slowly edging further and further inside you until he’s sheathed in your tight heat and you’re moaning into his open mouth.

He’s slow with it at first, a gentle drag of his cock in and out of you, like he’s got all the time in the world. Every time he presses into you, he moans into your mouth a little, sighs when he drags back out and it’s perfect, but you know you need more. You reach out, circle his big wrist with your hand.

“Will you…” You trail off a little, “Will you do something for me?”

He stills inside you, tip of his cock pressed so deep you could cry, “Anything for you, honey.”

“Will you put your hand on my neck?” Your voice is timid, and you’re glad you’ve kept the lights off.

There’s enough moonlight drifting in through the blinds that don’t close properly that you can still see him, but he’s shrouded in shadows too. He’s careful when he moves, pushing himself up to rest on one palm that’s pressed net to your head, the other hand being dragged exactly where you want it. He lets you rest it where you’re comfortable, just at the base, right above your collarbone.

“You tap my arm three times if you want me to stop, okay?” He asks, finally dragging his cock back out of you.

He puts a little pressure on with his hand when he thrusts back into you. The pressure is nice, but there’s something about it that doesn’t feel right, so you do exactly as he says, tap his arm three times. Joel is quick to take his hand off you, but you grab it quickly enough that he doesn’t have chance to rest it back on the bed.

“Try it a little higher.” You suggest, pulling it back so that the pad of his thumb and middle finger are pressed into the skin just under your ear.

“Like this?” He asks quietly as he repeats his movements from before, adding a tiny bit of pressure to your neck as he pushes back into your slick cunt, and yes, you think, exactly like that.

Joel keeps his hand pressed there for a few of his movements before he lightens the pressure on your throat, letting you catch your breath but keeping that wide palm resting right where you asked for it to be.

It’s a sensation you never thought you’d enjoy so much, but every time Joel’s palm tightens around your throat, there’s a rush to your brain and a throb between your legs. It’s exhilarating and there’s something about the way you trust him, literally with your life right now, to know exactly what you want and how to give it to you.

“You like that, don’t ya?” Joel rasps out above you, hips snapping into yours.

He releases the pressure from your neck again, just enough for you to be able to nod your head and bite at your lip to try and stop yourself from grinning. Joel brings the hand from your neck up to your mouth, uses the pad of his thumb to drop your lip from your mouth.

“I wanna see that smile baby.”

So you do as he says - caught in the dance of his palm pressing against your throat, your mouth falling into a grin each time, sometimes a small giggle leaving your mouth as you do, and then the release of the pressure, back and forth like that until you can feel that coil tightening low in your belly, your own hips bucking to meet his own, desperate to come apart beneath him.

“You gonna come, baby?” He asks, palm tightening once more, you can feel your walls fluttering around him, the coil pulled tight, you’re not going to last much longer, “That’s okay, I got you baby, just let go for me.”

It’s always been his voice that does it for you - the gentle lilt of that southern drawl, the way he’s always taking care of you. The coil snaps, his hand tightening just a little further as you arch up into him, much dropping open in a silent scream as pleasure floods every nerve ending in your body. You’re mildly aware of him talking you through it, showering praise over you as his own hips start to falter, hand finally torn from your neck, both of his palms settled on the mattress beside your head as he fucks you for real now.

The sound of skin slapping on skin fills the room, Joel’s ragged groans mixed with your own squeals, not quite recovered from your orgasm. You reach your hands up, settle them on his sides and look up at him.

“Want you…” You choke out, “Come inside me, Joel.”

He groans, low in his chest, body shaking as his hips stop. He lets out a moan of your name as you feel his cock throb inside you, the familiar warmth of his cum spilling inside you. Joel’s body falls forward, crowding yours as he buries his head into the crook of your neck, mouth warm as he kisses you.

You both stay like that for a while, breathing heavy until you feel his softening cock slip from you. He rolls onto his back, dragging you with him so you’re leaning against his sweat-slicked chest, fingers drawing patterns through the hair there.

Eyes filled with love, you look at him, give him a small smile as he brings a hand to your neck, tracing where his fingers had been pressing, “Looks red, baby,” His voice is gravelly, thick with sleep, “Was it okay?”

Taking hold of his wrist, you drag his hand up to your mouth and press kisses to his palm. The hand he has around your back drags you up a little and then he’s manoeuvring himself so his mouth can press kisses on the two finger marks he’s left on your skin. You think this might be the way you love him most, soft and sated, gentle and loving.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” You whisper at him, “Stay right here okay?”

Joel reluctantly lets you go. You curse him every time you have to walk down the hall to the bathroom for not buying a home all those years ago with an en-suite, especially when, by the time you come back, he’s flat out on his back, lightly snoring.

You take a moment to stand in the doorway, look at him painted in moonlight. He’s beautiful like this, none of those worries he has etched on his face. You love him, more than you’ve ever loved anyone before.

Padding quietly over to the bed, you settle under the sheets, draping an arm over his middle, your head pillowed on his shoulder. In his sleep, he pulls you further into his body, arm over your shoulder, other hand resting on the arm you have draped across his tummy. If this is what peace feels like, then long let it last.

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gay-disabled-characters-showdown · 2 months

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LBGTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 3, Wave 1, Poll 11

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Yoite-Nobari no Ou

Qualifications:

Heavily heavily coded relationship with another boy, canonically intersex and can be read as trans. (implied to be cafab) Suffers from flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, depersonalization due to abuse and neglect. Also terminally ill and progressively loses his sight/taste/hearing and has more trouble getting around and staying awake. Super autism coded, for that matter. To me. And many of the fans actually.

Propaganda:

A very sad boy, in a story about very sad boys fighting for self determination and learning the importance of community. He's a shinobi and can kill people by manipulating their lifeforce from the inside, but he also likes sweets and baseball and mathematics and he communicates like a shy, neglected cat. He's also named after someone's cat. Extremely good character written by an aroace and x-gender author

Anything Else?:

He is the bestest boy ever and should win this tournament by a landslide if the series were more well known

Melanie King-The Magnus Archives

Qualifications:

Bisexual and blind

Gay and blind and amazing

Melanie ends up being blinded by herself in the fourth season of the Magnus Archives, and ends up in a romantic relationship with another woman in the same season

She is blind and has a girlfriend. Canon disabled and canon wlw win 👍

she has a girlfriend and is blind

She is blind and sapphic (I'm not sure if anything exactly is ever confirmed in canon, but most people refer to her as a lesbian)

Propaganda:

she’s iconic

I love her

Oh I love my horrible woman who did many things wrong but in a way I sympathize with and also enjoy because she deserves to be a hater. Anyways so Melanie's very first appearance involved her arguing with Jon and and dismissing the way the Magnus Institute takes statements, which is a very good introduction for her in my opinion because she will continue to be a hater in regards to John. Melanie got stabbed by a ghost prior to her next appearance and briefly became a meme because turns out, when you get stabbed by a ghost, you'll want to tell people about the ghost, and she did this as she was being dragged away from where this happened. Her professional credit went downhill after this. She ends up being the catalyst of a big plot point in season 2 after this statement, because she's the only one who recognizes that Not-Sasha is, in fact, not Sasha. Then it turns out she cannot catch a break because she gets shot by a ghost later, and the ghost bullet turns out to not be a good thing later on. Melanie starts working for the Magnus Institute after Elias, her to-be horrible boss, proposes the role, since her credit has gone down so much that the job opportunity is very much needed. Then she realizes that she does not like her horrible murder boss and that she is bound to the institute, she keeps trying to kill him, which honestly I think she deserved to do because he sucks and she deserves a kill count. Though he shoves the knowledge that her father, who she thought died peacefully, actually died an agonizing, drawn out death in her brain so she stops doing that afterwards. She does help to get him arrested though, even if she really wanted to murder him. After this it is noted that she, at one point, fended off horrible flesh monsters with a knife single-handedly. John ends up realizing that the ghost bullet from earlier is still in her leg, and is more over making her far more murder hungry than she would be without it. So naturally the next step is DIY, non-consentual surgery, which she, after waking up shortly after the incident with her leg frozen and her friends committing medical malpractice, naturally objects to, which leads to her scarring John and overall not trusting him or Basira nearly as much as she might have before. Then she decides to actually prioritize her mental health a bit after going through every horror imaginable by going to therapy and insisting that, due to how the way tapes work in the archives, that none of her sessions be recorded, all while being just a bit paranoid about her therapist. Then it turned out that the only way to sever herself from the eye was to simply not have sight, and she's the one character who chooses this, getting rid of her eyesight very painfully and then moving in with Georgie, who ends up being her girlfriend. She's a little less hostile towards John after this, though she does not want to be in any archives business considering everything she went through there. Then, during the Eyepocalypse, she and her girlfriend, due to her not having sight and Georgie not having fear, are unaffected, and they sort of accidentally start a cult while trying to keep other people protected. Though it does not help that Melanie lied about having a vision that the whole thing would end, since the truth is really hopeless and bleak. She meets up with John and Martin again, is involved with the discussion of how the world can be maybe saved and is ultimately one of the three main characters to make it to the end of the finale, the others being Georgie and Basira. This is just me highlighting all of the wild things she's been up to and this would have gotten even longer if I had more propaganda.

She's so cool she tries to poison her evil boss she kicks ass she was a ghost hunter and she's also managed to escape her shitty situation by blinding herself to be able to quit her evil eldritch horror archiving job and just chill w/ her gf georgie and their cat (until the evil boss she tried to poison fucks everything up for everyone but in the end she and georgie still live and are presumably as fine as they cam be after all the shit that happened)

Only Melanie can accidentally become the Blind Prophet of the Apocalypse with her literally fearless girlfriend after trying to distance herself from the Beholding. She also had a ghost bullet infected with with The Slaughter in her leg which she got because she was a ghost hunting YouTuber/paranormal investigator.

Sometimes you gotta take your eyes out to escape your shitty job. And then you and your girlfriend live as prophets (and basically accidental cult-leaders) in the apocalypse

#polls #poll #disability #disabled characters #lgbtq #lgbtq characters #id in alt text #lgbtq dcs round 3 #lgbtq dcs r3 wave 1 #yoite #nabari no ou #melanie king #the magnus archives

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solaris-amethyst · 2 months

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💫Ice Cream?💫

✨Pairing: non idol!Hongjoong x gn!reader ✨Prompt: The two of you get stuck in the elevator together ✨Word Count: 1.1k ✨Genre: fluff, you're partners, stuck in an elevator ☀️Authors Note: I'm trying to become better at writing people flirting and being cute together and idk if I managed or not😅 What is your thoughts on this oneshot?💓

"Well shit..." Hongjoong uttered staring at the little screen that now was stuck between the number 4 and 5.

"Yeah you could say that again... Did the elevator seriously break right now?" You muttered irritatedly.

The two of you had been out shopping for a nice evening inside watching a new tv series you had started together and eat delicious food.

Hongjoong squeezed your hand, trying to calm down his own nerves at the thought of being stuck in an elevator. You made the call to press the emergency button and let it ring until someone down at the reception finally answered.

"Hello? What seems to be the problem?" The man down at the reception asked.

"Me and Hongjoong are stuck in the elevator, we're between floor 4 and 5. Do you think you could call someone to come fix this and get us out of here?" You questioned and you could hear the person picking up another phone and making the call to the janitors office. After a while the receptionist came back to you and Hongjoong.

"I've spoken to the janitors and they will be here in about 20 to 25 minutes. They're at another complex right now fixing a leak. They're almost done and will get here as soon as they can. Try not to panic and just stay calm until then okay?"

With that the call ended and your boyfriend let out a loud groan when he realized how long the two of you had to wait for the janitors to come.

"It's gonna be fine Joongie, it's not that long I promise! Then we will be back in our apartment, in our cozy sofa with our food and snacks and tv serie." You tried cheering him up by bringing his hand up to your lips giving it a small kiss.

"I know but now my surprise for you is ruined." He whines complaining looking like a kicked puppy with his big sad eyes and pouty mouth.

"Surprise?" You questioned raising an eyebrow at him

"Yeah I had gotten a surprise for you." He sighs and instructs you to close your eyes stating that he cannot allow it to be ruined.

Hongjoong rummaged around until he found the two ice creams he had bought without your knowledge earlier. The two of you had seen them earlier last week and both had wanted to try them someday and he had hoped that today would be the perfect day to end it with eating some ice cream.

He opened your ice cream first and made sure you had a steady grip on it before opening his own.

"You can open your eyes now love." He said and his smile grew as you opened them and saw the ice cream of your choice.

"You got us ice creams!! Hongjoong!!" You couldn't believe he managed to buy them without you noticing it. You were beaming at him, elated he had bought just the flavor you had wanted to try after skimming through all of the flavors the first time you saw all of the ice creams.

"I wanted it to be a surprise for after dinner but I guess it will be a before dinner surprise." He said as he bumped his own ice cream against yours.

"Cheers!"

"Cheers!" You chuckle mirroring his action before taking a small bite out of the ice cream.

"Oh wow this is really good!" You say with wide eyes and your boyfriend just shrugs

"I think I can do better." He admits before holding his ice cream towards you with a motion asking if you wanted to try his which you do, leaning forward to take a little bite, humming in appreciation.

"Yours were great as well! And what you think you can make better ice cream than this?" You question as he tries yours, humming in delight as well.

"Well yeah, it can't be that hard to make good ice cream. Just tell me which flavors you want and I'll make it for you." He says with that slight cocky smirk on his face.

"Is this some sort of challenge towards me or do you just want my attention?" You question wondering if this was his way of saying he wants to spend more time with you doing silly stuff.

"Maybe."

"Okay then how about you make me a good blueberry ice cream and also another one which has the flavor of a mango?" You tell him.

Hongjoong nods as he finishes his ice cream, putting the stick in the bag for now. He takes some step forward so he's close. You look at him as you finish your own ice cream, no matter how many times you see him his beauty never fails to stun you.

Especially his eyes, they're always so kind and filled with so much love each time he looks at you that it almost takes your breath away.

"May I kiss you?" He asks shyly.

You nod towards him, that's another part of him that you absolutely love. He always asks if it's okay for him to kiss you before he does.

He leans in capturing your lips in a heated kiss pushing you back towards the wall of the elevator. Your arms sneak around his shoulders as the two of you enjoy the silence and the intimacy of said kiss.

After a while the two of you ended the kiss, Hongjoong resting his forehead against yours, his eyes looking at you with so much love.

"You're so beautiful you know that right? The love of my life, my inspiration, my muse." He whispered lovingly causing you to break eye contact with him for a second.

"You really have your way with words Joongie. I really adore you so much, I wish I could show that more."

"You already do my love, you showcase your love when you bake me cookies when I'm overwhelmed, you show that when you read me stories when I need to unwind after a long day at the studio, you show that when you open your arms and let me sink into your warm embrace and allowing me to be vulnerable when I need without making me feel small. You make me feel loved." He whispered quietly to you.

"You really mean that?"

"I do, every single word."

The two of you ended up sitting down cuddling together on the elevator, sharing short but blissful kisses whilst sharing sweet and loving comments towards each other. Hongjoong continued to shower you with love and you did your best to reciprocate his wonderful comments, wanting him to truly understand how much he means to you.

Eventually the two of you could hear the janitors outside working on opening the doors to get the two of you out.

"It is finally time for us to get out of this entrapment and have our cozy evening my muse." Joong said as he helped you up from your sitting position.

"Finally, I cannot wait to cuddle you whilst watching our series together."

You gave him a quick kiss before the doors opened for the two of you to get out.

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bluesylveon2 · 1 year

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Can't Help Falling in Love with You

Summary: When Yuu expresses concerns about the future, Malleus shows her just how much he loves her.

Note: royal au (sequel to "A Chance Meeting") fluff, some angst, and oc children mentioned. I'm aware my timeline of these fics are all over the place. It will make sense later on

Warning: not beta read, fem Yuu/reader, making out, and possible ooc characters

Word Count: 948

Masterlist: here, Series Masterlist: here

"Malleus, can we talk privately tonight?"

Those words have been stuck in Malleus' mind all day.

Why?

They sounded off.

Malleus knew something was off about his wife's request. She had been acting differently lately, not the one he knew since she became queen. Of course, he cannot forget how she had changed more to accommodate their growing family.

It was the youngest child's 3rd birthday when Malleus noticed it. As he and his extended family sang to the boy, Malleus caught his wife's face turning sad for one moment and happy the next.

He did not want to pry about it since it was their child's big day. As Malleus headed to the master bedroom, it was time to address it.

Malleus opened the door to find his wife sitting on the bed, staring at the family portrait hanging across the room. Malleus remembered when that was done. It seemed impossible for him and his wife to wrangle four kids to sit still. Luckily, his retainers were nearby to help out until their own children joined in on the fun. Malleus smiled at the memory. It was one of the best things to happen in his life.

"Child of Man, you wanted to speak to me?" Malleus asked as he kneeled down on the floor beside his wife. She smiled as he took one of her hands and kissed it.

"Yes, I want to talk to you about something."

"I'm listening."

Yuu opened her mouth but hesitated to say something. Malleus, noticing her distress, rubbed her hand in comfort.

"Malleus, I want you to promise me something." She stopped again, feeling tears forming in her eyes. It was as if Malleus read her mind, and he immediately joined her in bed and wrapped his arms around her. Yuu hugged him back and rested her head over his heart.

"Yuu, you do not have to force yourself to tell me. I can wait until you're ready." Malleus ran his fingers through Yuu's hair.

"I think I can do it now." Yuu took a deep breath and pulled her head away to look at Malleus' green eyes. "I want you to promise me that, when I die, you will find a new queen to marry and help raise the children."

The room was so silent that Yuu was surprised a thunderstorm didn't happen yet.

"No."

"Malleus-"

Malleus picked up Yuu's left hand and held it up for the both of them to see. The big black diamond (about the size of a pinky nail) and peridots around it sparkled in the moonlight. Malleus felt proud of his ring choice. He thought the gemstone colors with the black band suited his queen as she deserved the best.

"I put this ring on your finger because I chose you. I wanted you by my side, and I do not see anyone else sitting there."

Yuu still held her stance. "But what about the future? Malleus, I think having someone there would be the best for the kids. They need a mother figure. What if I die when the kids are still young?"

"They have plenty of aunts to see as a maternal figure. My grandmother did not have that luxury, yet she ruled by herself just fine until I was ready. I would do the same for them, too, especially our daughter. She is receiving the best teaching from Lilia." Malleus let go of Yuu's hand and pecked her lips. "But she and our children still need their mother, not someone to replace you."

Malleus leaned his forehead against Yuu's. "You might see yourself as part of my life, but you are my entire life. Focus on what is happening now instead of later. I will always love you even past death." Malleus kissed Yuu's ring finger. "You are my wife." He kissed her cheek. "My best friend." He ended it with a kiss on her lips. He made sure to pour off of his love into it. "And the best thing that has happened to me. Do not doubt my devotion to you."

Yuu smiled and pulled Malleus back to her. Her lips met his in a passionate dance she knew all too well. Malleus' hands wandered around her body and caressed any exposed skin he could touch, sending shivers down her spine. Yuu pushed Malleus down to lie on the bed. She pulled away, breathing heavily, and stared into Malleus' eyes. She always loved how he looked at her like she was a star in the sky.

"Have I ever told you I always find a way to fall in love with you every day?" She whispered.

Malleus smiled and pulled Yuu closer to him. "Yes, you have, my love. You always tell me that."

Yuu smiled before placing one more kiss on Malleus' lips and relaxing. She let her head rest on the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms around his body.

"Goodnight, Tsunotarou."

"Goodnight, Child of Man."

Later that night, when Yuu's breathing had steadied, Malleus lay awake staring at her beauty. His heart broke seeing her distressed face earlier. He wanted her to be happy until her last breath. Malleus' finger glowed as he quietly whispered a blessing to his wife. "My Queen, I shall bestow the gift of eternal happiness. If you see the next life, may your soul find happiness forever. May you see your descendants rule the nation with your happiness influencing their hearts."

He pressed his finger against Yuu's heart, causing it to momentarily glow, but not enough to wake her up. Her lips curled up in a smile instead. Malleus finally let his body relax, and his eyes closed.

A/N: I wrote this because of new Book 7 content :) (do not spoil it for me)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twisted Wonderland and its characters. Those belong to Aniplex, Walt Disney Japan, and Yana Toboso.

©: This story belongs to bluesylveon2 2020-23. DO NOT modify, republish, or plagiarize my work.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus x reader #malleus x yuu #malleus draconia #malleus x fem reader #malleus draconia x fem reader

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writerscall · 10 months

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i cannot be your friend, so i pay the price of what i lost. and what it cost now that we don't talk.

because pushing her away was easier than having to stomach seeing her be with someone else.

author's note/s: 1k words. this is part one of a series. close friends to sad strangers to surprise college roommates is a trope, right?

Ignoring Hazel for the rest of the year wasn’t an easy decision or any easy thing to do. You two weren’t attached at the hip but you were such good friends that even the people who didn’t really talk to either of you eventually asked if you two had a falling out. We’re both just pretty busy at this time of senior year, you’d tell them; you had no idea what Hazel’s answer was to that, and you didn’t wanna know. It hurt you to ice her out but after what happened at the game, you just couldn’t be around her. Not when it was clear that PJ was in the picture like that.

Really, you should’ve been happy for her. You were one of the first people she came out to and even though she never explicitly said it, you knew she wanted to experience one relationship, or even a sort of fling, before high school ended. But your wishful thinking that it could’ve been the two of you in the end like some cliche really was just that — wishful thinking. That kiss and the way she and PJ acted around each other after said it all.

So you blocked it all out. Joined some clubs to fill up your schedule and actually make you as busy as you said you were, focused on academics like never before, got closer to other friends (for obvious reasons but also, why the hell not? It was senior year and you might not see some of them again). Overall, there were pros to what you decided to do about your crush on Hazel Callahan. You were making the most out of a sucky situation.

What you weren’t proud of was deciding to go out with the baseball team’s captain on a whim, and then agreeing to really date him after. He was nice and was a pretty good boyfriend, but you weren’t as into him as he was into you. But that was the least of your concerns throughout that relationship that inevitably came to an end as graduation neared.

You’ll never forget the complicated look on her face the day he greeted you with a kiss on the cheek at your locker. You’ll never forget the ‘Can we talk now? Please?’ text she sent that night, her last attempt at reaching out before she took to ignoring you too.

And that was it. Hazel wasn’t part of your senior year until its end and you assumed it would be the same for the rest of your life, or at least for a long, long time.

But the universe just loved playing cruel tricks sometimes.

“Okay, you’re sure you’ve got everything? Those new notebooks, your writing materials, enough bras and pa—”

“Okay, mom!” You cut her off with a nervous laugh, silently thanking god that your roommate and whoever was helping her move in hadn’t arrived yet. “I’ve got it all, I promise. It’s okay for you to go now.”

Your mother sighs as she reaches out to give your arm a squeeze, and after a few more pointers for your first day and about five ‘you can always give us a call for anything’ reminders, you were alone. You smile to yourself as you look at your fixed up side of the dorm, jittery in a good sense. Everyone said college was different from high school in the best way and you were determined to make it so. Even though you knew how much busier and hectic life would get with university level academics.

You’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t hear the door open. It’s only when that painfully familiar voice says your name that you snap out of it.

Hazel Callahan, practically the same as ever, standing in the doorway with her luggages and a duffel bag across her body. She manages a smile, small and hesitant. To your surprise, all you can say is, “You’re my roommate?”

Her face twitches in disappointment, smile faltering noticeably. You didn’t mean for that to come off the way it clearly did but the question escaped you before you could think. Of all the people in the world — or even just of all the people in high school, it just had to be her? You were over Hazel. You’d tried so hard and honestly haven’t thought about her much at all since graduation.

Only for all that effort to feel like it was undone within seconds. Fantastic.

“Trust me, I… I didn’t know this would be the arrangement. My mom’s got an old friend here who could probably do a room switch for one of us — I mean, for me I guess, you’ve already got your side of the room fixed up while I’m still all packed, so—”

You put a hand up to stop her. “Hazel, it’s fine. We can share this room. All that stuff from…” You let the sentence trail off and clear your throat. “I mean, it doesn’t matter anymore, it never really has.”

Though expecting her to brighten even slightly at your attempt at an olive branch, her expression stays the same. Complicated actually, like the one she had upon seeing you and your (short-lived) senior year boyfriend for the first time in school. You try not to think about it.

“Anyway, I’ve got some things to go check with the registrar’s office, so I’ll get out of your hair so you can unpack and all that.” There was nothing to check with at the registrar’s office, but you needed to find some place that wasn’t your dorm to pull yourself together. Or maybe scream.

There’s a look of understanding on her face but shakes her head at you. “You wouldn’t be in the way. We could use this time to catch up. It’s been a long while, you know?”

Well, you certainly weren’t ready for that, so you just say something about wanting to get to the office while it wasn’t too busy yet. You cast her a side glance with a smile that you really hoped didn’t look forced or fake as you watch her bring in her things, then make a beeline for the door.

But you stop when she asks, “Hey, um, maybe we can sit with each other at the orientation tomorrow?”

“Uh… yeah, sure.” And you knew that didn’t sound forced or fake with the way Hazel almost grins at you.

Yeah, you really needed to find a place to scream somewhere on campus.

#hazel callahan imagine #hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan x you #hazel callahan fanfic #hazel callahan

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astraystayyh · 1 year

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for a little positivity on the tl!!! share your favorite stayblr accounts or fics that you think deserve more recognition (it can even be your own!!)

I'll start!! this hyunjin fic (the world does not exist at night by @hyu7eii ) might be the best hyune fic I've ever read and it's so underrated, just pure poetry

nothing, everything by @inniejeonginnie, very human and realistic, love cannot make you feel better instantly but it is the light at the end of the tunnel and this portrayed it perfectly

X marks the spot where we fall apart by @nicolagreta soo angsty it made me so sad :( like i physically felt it in my bones

on the same angsty note there is marry me by @liknws AND IT WRECKED ME. so beautifully written but in an achy way. very delicious pain

burden by @ellestray and it's one of the most accurate representation of han I've ever read, the dialogue is so mature yet so beautiful. i loved it so muchhh

everything by @sugrlamb THE REASSURANCE IS EVERYTHING IN THIS ONE, i need this specific seungmin.

special by @amelee23 this is different than usual skz pieces on here but it's so heartfelt and raw and the love is very pure in it, i loved it, a very fitting title

the mini love letter series by @agi-ppangx , FIRST such a cute concept, second the emotional rollercoaster from fluffy to angsty has me in a chokehold. (op i promise I'll reblog with my full thoughts soon!!!)

and i need more ppl to read butterfly bandage by @subskz , labyrinth by @soobnny and forgive me for what I haven't done by @rachalixie . I'll never stop shouting my love for these fics they're so perfectly written, like pure art, like i can't believe I'm reading this for free type of writing

#pls share ur fav fics i wanna read moreeeeeeeee #also ik this is motivating to writers which in turn makes them write more pieces for us that we can giggle/cry/lose our minds over SO #win win FOR ALL PARTIES #please give these fics a read I PROMISE IT'S SOOO WORTH IT #ily all good nightt ❣️#fic recs #sahar's.thoughts <3

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mellon1998 · 4 months

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On the subject of Kipperlilly Copperkettle...

It's okay if you like her, it's okay if you want her to be redeemed. It's okay to wish she had been revived and redeemed and grown as a character. Some of you may relate to her, may know people who were once like her, and it can be daunting to see yourself in a character and see them not get the chance to grow. After all, you got that chance, people you know like her got that chance. We all look back on parts of ourselves we've moved past (maybe even are still working on) and are glad to be past them. We're glad people loved us through those parts of ourselves.

I need you all to understand something though: You chose to change. People like Kipperlilly cannot grow or change until they choose to. Kipperlilly doesn't want to change, she does not recognize the flaws in herself. She may be aware of her anger issues, but she doesn't see her want for power as wrong. She doesn't see her desire for recognition she didn't earn as wrong. She doesn't see the issues of romanticizing trauma and hating people you don't even know and who have done nothing to you. She doesn't see a need to change her ways. Unless and until she does she will not change, no matter what anyone else may do or say.

More than anything, we see this in the fact that she chose Porter. We don't know the series of events that took place, but Brennan made it very clear that she chose him of her own freewill. She chose his side, she chose to force her decision on her party, she chose to kill Lucy and Buddy, she chose to end the world to gain power. She chose to end the world to get revenge on people who, at that point, had never even spoken to her. Up until the final fight, the worst thing they ever did to Kipperlilly was trade quips and call her four dogs.

The truly sad part? She probably never will. I've known many people like Kipperlilly who still, after years and years, refuse to recognize their own flaws. Refuse to seek help. They are given chance after chance, people choosing every single day to love them through their flaws, and they refuse to change.

Kipperlilly is addicted to power, we see this in so many ways. We see this in how she so very clearly tried her utmost to be the leader of the High 5 Heroes seemingly unprompted, as evidenced by 3 (maybe 4) of the other 5 not liking her. People don't tend to be chill about someone forcing their way into the position of leader. Especially in small groups. We see this in how she saw grinding would, at least in the early days, be more efficient for leveling than adventuring. She wanted the power, not the skills and experience. We see this in her bid for class president. She questioned if Kristen actually had any interest in improving the school, if Kristen cared. Did you care about the students or making the school better, Kipperlilly? We saw no evidence of that. The only things she wanted to do was make things better and easier specifically for herself.

It sucks. She is a kid, she isn't pure evil. Even in the world of dnd with devils and demons, nobody is pure evil. She could be more, she could grow as a person. She could use her eye for efficiency but learn to also take the necessity of practical application into account to help her party improve. She could use her abilities to hide and blend in to potentially do really good work to make the world better. She could have been more, but she didn't want to. It's unfortunate, but it's true. She didn't want to change.

Yes, she did go to therapy with Jawbone, but we don't know why. We know it was for anger issues, but we don't know that it was her choice to go. Her parents or the school could have forced her to. Even then, based on the notes, it doesn't sound like she was really interested in using therapy to help her grow as a person. She just used it to vent, which can be a part of therapy but it's not everything.

At the end of the day, she made her choices. None of which were to grow as a person.

#dimension 20 #d20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #kipperlilly copperkettle #long post #maybe after some time in hell she'll look back on her life and realize how she needs to change #but even then she may never admit it #sometimes people like that will lie -including to themselves- to avoid admitting they were ever wrong

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gayerthanevertbh · 2 years

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tall child | i want you pt. 6

natasha romanoff masterlist | series masterlist | navigation

pairings: older!natasha romanoff x young!fem reader

summary: your father doesn’t know it yet, but you’re in love with his best friend. and what makes it better is that you’re sure enough that she feels the same way. the sad part is, neither of you can word out your love for each other properly.

warnings: slight argument, heavily detailed smut, g!p natasha, dom!natasha & sub!reader, dirty talking, pet names, slight fluff, and angst - MINORS DNI.

notes: what you ask, you shall receive! also listen to “i want you” at the end of the chapter, trust me it’s worth it lol x

I had anticipated the party at Felicia's house before I arrived. Only a few people were present; by "few people" I meant at least 20 people gathered around the house. Most of them were outside, swimming by the pool. The others were by the kitchen, where a single man serving them drinks appeared to be my dad's age. While watching MJ try her best to flirt with Felicia, who showed no interest, I was in the pool area with my feet in the water. Why would you go after someone who has no interest in you? I don’t understand the concept of that. You’re just wasting your time, leave before you get hurt.

I wasn’t an experience alcoholic drinker, I barely even drank half of the beverages that were served in the kitchen. Maybe it's because my tolerance for alcohol isn’t so great – I remember myself getting drunk for the first time and being woken up by my father laughing fondly at me. Oh, Y/n, he would say with a sigh. You’ve always been such a little girl. And maybe I was; which made me feel a little uncomfortable being here.

Yet I still drank half of the vodka that was in my glass.

I considered calling Natasha and asking her to drive me home, but she mentioned that she was going to play poker at an underrated bar in town. I was intrigued at first. Why would you play poker this late in the evening? Are you seeing someone else? Is some girl touching your crotch now since I'm not good at it? To be fair, though, I was also outside, and if I had those thoughts, I'd come off as hypocritical. I wonder what she thinks of me and what her thoughts may be when it comes to me. Did she like the way we kissed? How our hands touch under the dining table with my father around? I could still taste the saliva from her mouth, and it was sweet like a grape. Having these naughty thoughts tingles down my spine, it wouldn’t be the best idea to do it here out and open.

“Y/n.”

As I slowly turned around, I saw Bucky standing there with his yellow shirt open to reveal his bare chest. Before taking a sip, I grinned at him a little, hoping he wouldn't notice how I was cringing at the taste.

When I did not respond to him, he sat down next to me and removed one stick of tobacco from his shirt's small pocket. He gave me another look in the hopes that I would return at least one, but I did not. He sighed.

“How are you?”

I shrugged. “Doing okay I guess,” I finished my glass and felt myself wincing. I shouldn’t even be drinking this kind of alcohol, it makes me feel sick. “How about you?”

“Doing great now since you’re talking to me.”

“Are we supposed to be on speaking terms?”

“Y/n–”

“I know what you did the other day,” I told him, showing him that I’m not into small talk. He pursed his lips together and hung his head low. “You tried ruining us both, I thought you were my best friend?”

“My feelings for you don’t go away for a day,” he explained. “You expect me to be fine when she looks at you the way I look at you? No, of course not. You picked someone so old when you could have me to spend the rest of your life with. I think she’s using you only for pleasure, Y/n.”

“How do you even know that?” I couldn’t help but scoff under my breath, turning away from his face as I could see an agonizing pain from him – which I cannot endure. But when he said that Natasha might be using me, somehow that made me think. What if she was? What if I’m just some girl that she’ll take advantage of, and that I’m nothing special? That stung my heart, and I could feel my knees weaken from his statement.

Are you using me?

“You don’t think I hear you having sex with her in your room?” Bucky scoots closer to me, his lips trembling with anger or despair. “You don’t think that I haven’t seen her touching you by the waist? Or sometimes by your fucking ass? She’s using you!”

“Keep your voice down–”

“I would never use you like that,” he sighs, pinching his nose bridge. “I would never touch you the way she touches you, I don’t even think you like the way she does it.”

“But that’s none of your business!” I hissed at him, as I furrowed my eyebrows. Our conversation was getting intense, and I had this feeling to walk out. But I couldn’t. We both looked at our surroundings, and no one suspected us of having a short argument. Perhaps we weren’t so loud after all, since no one batted an eye. I kept our distance again and whispered to him, “I love her, and she loves me. She wouldn’t do something like that, I know her better than you do.”

He shrugged his shoulders and lit his cigarette before throwing it across the bushes. "Maybe you know her, but something in her eyes that screams evil," he continued. He made a poor choice by saying that. "Y/n, I love you. I doubt I'll ever love anyone else the way I love you. I will respect whatever relationship you have with her since I am still your best friend. Just... don't harm yourself. When it comes to her, be cautious.”

I wanted to stand up for her and convince him that Natasha wasn't like that. Whether or not we had sexual relations, she loved me unconditionally. She showed me numerous displays of affection that didn't require her to physically touch me, and they led to me falling in love with her. She is not at all what he has described her to be.

A moment of unbearable silence abrupt us both.

I added softly, entirely off-subject, "My mother has never reconciled with my father ever since they had a divorce,” I didn't need those sad expressions he gave me as he stared into my eyes. "And I've loathed my mother ever since. She was nothing but emotionally abusive towards me and doesn't have anything pleasant to say when it comes to my being. Natasha has been looking after me more than my mother has since I've been here. She cares about me and is always there. And when I needed her, where was she? Gone. She was there for me physically, but not emotionally. Simply put, Buck. But Natasha? She spares me the kind of suffering I've experienced."

Nothing else was said by him after that. Instead, he gave me a quick nod before getting up and heading off. I didn't chase him down or even shout his name. I simply sat there with my mouth open, thinking that if I had ever loved this boy, I never would have fallen in love with Natasha. Yet no matter how little of the world Natasha and I were a part of, I know I'll come back to her. There was nothing I could say to change the fact that we were both intended to be together.

I soon found myself back at Felicia's home. Bucky didn't bother to offer to drive me home, so MJ said she would. I offered to walk home, but she refused and grabbed her keys by the handle before leaving with me. While we were in the car, I thought heavily about what happened with Bucky a while ago. Although the drive was quiet, it wasn't uncomfortable. I listened to the music she liked on the radio and took in the nighttime sky as I imagined Natasha. For all of us, this summer was perfect. Maisy, our second maid, was chopping off leaves from our garden as my father was reading an ancient book that came from my grandfather. Natasha, meanwhile, simply sits next to him while sporting a nice expression and smoking a cigarette almost as an aesthetic. The people that were a part of my life this summer, whom I utterly cherish, are what I have enjoyed the most.

Especially that woman, that sane woman.

“Is he okay?” she asked, breaking our silence. “And you don’t seem drunk.”

“I could say the same with you.” I chuckled in response, causing her to laugh quietly as well.

“You and him have been always fighting, I don’t get it,” she said while turning her steering wheel. “Like, what are you two fighting about? Just tell me you’re gay, Y/n. Maybe then he’ll leave you alone.”

Despite being a closeted bisexual, MJ made me feel protected. Perhaps I should have told her that I could fall deeply in love with a woman, but it didn't feel appropriate to say it now, especially since we were both drunk. Yet my mouth spoke differently.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll tell him that.”

She smiled, shaking my left shoulder gently.

“I’m sure he won’t mind.”

If she only knew that I was in love with a 38-year-old woman, then she would react in a different way.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I know he won’t.” that was the biggest lie that I’ve ever said.

I entered my room, tossed my tote bag on the floor, and flopped onto my bed to smell the fresh sheets Maisy had just changed. Tomorrow might be a better day for me, maybe my father would make something nice for breakfast, or fish at the sea with Natasha and the rest of them since that's something that we enjoyed doing. MJ might invite me over to do something fun, I don't know. My mind was clouded with exhaustion.

As I began to breathe slowly, I heard the door being closed. Too tired to turn, I whispered: “Who is it?”

“Hi, detka,” the woman that I’d been thinking about not nearly 15 minutes ago was in my room, and it made my night entirely better because she was here. I turned my head slowly and smiled at her before she got into bed with me and gave me a small kiss on the head. “I’ve missed you today.”

“Missed you too, Tasha.” I sat up with a groggy look and hugged her tight, smelling her scent. Did she drink tonight? I thought to myself. Before I could even ask, Natasha lifts up my chin and looks down at me with the most sultry eyes I’ve ever seen. “Tasha? Are you okay?”

She sighs under her breath and pushes me back down onto the bed gently, kissing my mouth with hunger as she does so. “Yeah,” she murmured while fondling my breasts over my shirt. “I just… I need you tonight.”

“What’s going on? Did something happen tonight?”

She simply shakes her head as she keeps her tongue slithering inside of my mouth. Our kiss was so intensely needy and desperate that I could hardly even comprehend it. I gently pushed away from her chest as I worriedly eyed her, but when she looked at me with those hooded eyes, I knew she wanted to fuck me right then.

“Tash, are you sure about this? You look–”

She pleaded with me imploringly, "Please," tucking her hand into my shirt and squeezing my left breast. I whimpered in return. “I'm begging you to let me make love to you tonight… please.”

How was I going to refuse her? Of course, I also desired to have sex with her. I cupped both of her cheeks and nodded, kissing her briefly before her hands assaulted my naked breasts again. As she continues to kiss my neck with her tongue flat against my skin, I notice that her eyes are closed. I shivered, not because I didn't want the kiss, but rather because the intensity of the experience made me want her to take me right there. But as soon as she lowered her sweatpants and bounced her cock in the air, my needs were satisfied.

“You want me, baby?” her voice was huskier this time, and I could feel myself getting wet from it. She swiftly removes my shorts, along with my underwear, and spreads my wet folds apart. “You want me to fuck you now? Oh, I’ve been wanting to be inside you for days…”

We didn’t have sex for the past week since everyone was at our house. But since my father was asleep and it was just the two of us, she immediately took this opportunity to fuck me in my bed – alone in the dark of my cold room. As my eyes were shut tight, I felt her hand gripping my jaw gently – asking silently to open them again.

“Look at me when I fuck you,” she demands, but not to the point that her voice is scary. I nodded in reply, my breath trembling as she slowly pumps her dick. “You know that I love you, right?”

“O-Of course,” I replied, biting my lower lip as she dragged the tip of her cock through my folds in an up-and-down motion, teasing me with that sinister grin. “Oh, god–Natasha–”

“Shh,” her thumb presses against my lips as she spits on her other hand, spreading it along with her penis while her eyes were looking down at me. My god, I think I’ve never seen this version of her before. “It’s okay, ‘m here. Daddy won’t hurt you, I just need to be inside of you right now…”

Before I could even utter a word, she slowly slipped her cock inside of me as we both groaned about how good it felt to experience this kind of sex once more. She moans into my neck, whispering: “Fuck, you’re still so tight. I could barely move inside of you, oh god…”

“Tasha,” I murmured into her ear as my nails scratched her back, her shirt still on. “You’re so big!”

“Shhh,” her lips met with mine once more as she pulled out slowly, then thrusting back in with much force this time. “Fuck, you’re so wet for me. Never notice how wet you are for me, you wanted this too… don’t you?”

I nodded, whispering with a moan, “Yes! Yes, you feel so good inside of me–Oh god, go faster!”

We could only hear my bed squeaking and quietly banging against the wall as she rocked her hips against my skin. Since we typically make a lot of noise when having sex, I was surprised by how quiet we were this time. I held her tight in my arms as she thrust into me at a faster pace, her thrusting was more different. It felt like she was in a hurry, or that she needed to release that quickly. So I lifted up her head and asked, “Take it slow, Tash. We have the time in the world.”

“Can’t,” she replied back with a whimper. “I just–Fuck, just need you right now sweet girl.”

She clung to me while repeatedly pulling her cock out of me as she observed the connection between our sexes. Natasha had a thing for watching us fucked, it was as if it was her favorite thing in the world – and I could be right. The room started to fill with the sound of our skin, and the moisture started to warm up. Once more, our lips met, and I felt her tongue brush up against mine. My body began to feel like it was heating up like a kettle. Natasha pushed thrust after thrust into me, as if I were a balloon about to burst.

Her hands were now on my hips, forcefully gripping my skin, and huffed each time her cock was hitting my spot. I felt overwhelmed by this feeling, and there was nothing I could do but hold her close and let it all happen.

“I love you,” she whimpered with a deeper voice, snapping her hips back and forth against my mind as I felt her entire length inside of me, making me whine in desperation. “I love you so much, detka. I don’t want a-anything else but you, o-only you…”

Each time she thrusts into me hard, I could hear the squelching sound coming from our joined sexes. Her gaze on me was heavy, as if she was hungry for more and I couldn’t help but give her the same look, since I felt the same way that she did. A low hum escaped from her mouth when I clenched around her dick, her hips stuttering for a bit.

“I love you too,” I whispered breathlessly. “I’ll always love you.”

Natasha's eyes were closed and she thrusts into me at a much faster pace, her hips rising. As she pursued her orgasm, she grabbed the sheet next to my head, her groans growing louder and faster. “Just like that,” she cried. “Keep taking it for me, j-just like that… Oh god!”

The bed was starting to creak loudly, and I patted her upper arm to keep ourselves quiet. She sees my hand and decides to give me a strong kiss instead, though it was sloppier than usual. “This pussy belongs to me,” Natasha panted on my lips. “All mine, okay? Not Bucky’s, mine.”

“Yours!” I moaned quietly, biting my lip hard that I could feel the coil taste on my tongue. “J-Just yours, Oh god–please!”

She stutters her hips and says, "I'm here," as she buries her head in my neck and forces her cock firmly back inside of me – her balls tighten with orgasm. “Fuck, I’m here. Just stay like that, yeah…”

I came around her cock, crying out with my eyes closed tightly. She touches my cheek with her hand and kisses the corner of my mouth, flopping herself on top of me. Our chest heaved while she lazily thrusts her cock inside of me, eventually pulling out with a sloshing sound. I looked down and saw her dick twitching, and I smiled fondly at it.

Natasha hugged me that night and slept next to me after our passionate encounter. She still had her head buried in my neck, and her leg was wrapped around my waist. Looking up at the ceiling, I held her in my arms and realized that everything we did was driven by an insatiable need for one another. I noticed her mouth was slightly gaping when I looked to my side. It made me want to reach out and touch it. She wasn't a restless sleeper, so I refrained from doing so.

“I love you,” I whispered to her slumbered self, smiling blissfully. “I love you, and I’m sure that I’m all yours until the end.”

The house was once again crowded, and this time I was irritated. My father kept inviting his colleagues, and as much as I wanted him to be happy, I also felt lonely with him because I haven't spent enough time with him since Natasha entered the scene. As I strolled down our house's hallway, I noticed Maisy making Natasha's bed. This made me concerned; it was as if she had departed without saying goodbye. "Where's Natasha?" I said as I walked past her room.

“Went out for a walk,” Maisy replied tossing her dirty sheets into the basket. “She was trying to find you a while ago, but you were still asleep.”

I let out a huff. “Oh,” I sat on the foot of her bed and placed my hand against the mattress. “When will she come back?”

“She mentioned around late noon, since she looked like she was in a rush,” she rubs the sweat off her forehead, and I decided to help her with the laundry basket – but she refused me to do so. I still don’t understand why she treats me like a kid still. “No, don’t do that! Your father will be angry if he sees you helping me.”

“But you’ve been with us ever since I was a baby.”

“And you'll always be a baby in my eyes," Maisy laughed, leaving me alone in the room. I stood up and quietly shut the door, hearing it click. I was finally alone in her room, with no one to bother me. I clung to myself on her naked mattress, desperate for her to return and kiss me again. Our sex a few weeks ago wasn't enough for me; I needed more of her like a hungry little bitch. But instead, I was all alone – just like any other summer back at home.

A few moments passed, and I suddenly felt nauseous. So I went to the kitchen to grab myself a tab of paracetamol and drank it with water, then went back to my room and rested. But by the end of the day, I still felt even more sick than usual. I was surprised that I still had more energy in me as I walked to Natasha’s door and knocked. And when she opened it, she gave me a huge smile on her face.

“Hey,” she greeted, brushing her short hair away from her forehead. “Maisy told me that you were feeling sick all day, are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” I murmured, holding my stomach together with my arms. “Just feel like I want to vomit.”

“Sweetheart, do you want me to call your dad?” she worriedly placed her hands on my shoulder as she took me back to my room, and I shook my head in reply. “Are you on your period right now?”

“I think so,” even though I haven’t checked my underwear today, I have a feeling that my period has started. “It’s okay, Tash. I can take care of myself from here.”

She merely lets out a small sigh before gently kissing my forehead and enfolding me in a cozy hug. She whispered "I love you." into my ear like a baby in a swaddle. It was pleasant to hear her utter those three little sentences once more. She looks down at me while stroking the back of my hair while having those brilliant green eyes. "Are you certain you'll look after yourself? I have to spend tonight with your father because of work and other stuff."

“I’ll be okay, I promise.”

That evening, she left with my father, leaving me once more by myself in my bedroom. After I realized there wasn't any blood on my underwear, I made the decision to use the restroom and urinate. Strange, I observed. I was supposed to have my period this morning.

I then remembered my experience with Natasha from a few weeks earlier, and I realized I had sex with her without using any form of contraception. I gazed in the mirror, terrified, but decided to remain cool because I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Fortunately, there was a pregnancy test in the drawers since my father had added them in case of emergency and took the test.

Nine minutes later, I checked the test and it was revealed positive.

Positive.

My eyes widened, and I suddenly felt more sick than ever. I was pregnant, with Natasha’s baby.

With her baby, I’m having a child with her.

I sat on the floor, the test clenched on my fingers, my mind racing with plans to tell her about it. Would she be upset with me because I was careless? Will she accept that I won't be able to have this baby right now? I wailed quietly into the corner, feeling my world darken with horror.

how’s everything doing?

taglist: @trans-wolf-boi @generousfartdragon @marvelogic @that-one-gay-mosquito @wandanotsosure @madelineleong @kksalexa @karsonromanoff @natashaswife4125 @florojas @natashaxwife

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha angst #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff smut #black widow x reader #black widow x you #I Want You Series #HAHAHAHAHAH

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hauntedwitch04 · 1 year

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can you please do a plus size reader insecure with dean winchester?

Perfect

Dean Winchester x plus size!Reader

Words: about 2.1k words

Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy times since we are talking about Dean so they are obviously there.

Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea and I hope you like how it came out!

p.s. I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. Ever since I was a little girl, I was never a very skinny kid, and on more than one occasion I was teased by my classmates when I was in middle school, so I let myself go and put a little bit of me in the one-shot.

Always remember that it is normal to have good days and bad days, but the important thing is not to let the bad days have it. Keep fighting until the end, because losing a battle does not matter, what is important is to win the war. Everyone is perfect and beautiful in their own way, and your body does not define the person you are.

In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

Buy me a coffee - Patreon submission

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You look at that slice of cake for the umpteenth time, and you can't help but hear that voice in your head again, evil, whispering all your lifelong insecurities.

Dean has been talking to a girl at the counter for a few minutes, and you can't help but notice how thin she is compared to you, how beautiful she is by the standards society imposes today, standards you have never respected.

You were never a very skinny girl, in fact from a very young age you had your curves, but that never appeared to be a problem until that obnoxious part of your life where children grow up and become teenagers, and that makes them bad there.

For the first time you realized at the age of eleven that your physique was different from the other girls near you, and for the first time you felt different, and that feeling you know deep down never went away.

You tried a thousand diets, and just as many exercises to lose weight, but it almost seemed as if your body didn't want to, so you learned to live with your body. In the beginning it was not easy, you had to face many battles, some you won and some you lost, but somehow your bitter enemy, the figure that is reflected in the mirror every morning, watching you live, judging all the actions you do, is always with you and you cannot get rid of it.

When you first met Dean you were sure that he would not give you a second glance, and that in the event nothing more than a simple friendship would arise as much as you were attracted to the attractive hunter, but against all expectations, only after a few months of knowing you he asked you out and confessed that he was madly in love with you, and that he could no longer live a second of his life. It had been such a strange moment: he was going on and on about all the romantic movies, books, and TV series he had seen himself during that time to find the perfect way to tell you everything he felt and that he finally did it in the bathroom of a movie theater after you had been attacked by a demon while watching a movie; on the contrary, you had remained silent the whole time, wondering how such a handsome, kind, funny, caring, and any other positive adjective in the human vocabulary, man could feel anything for you.

You had realized you were stuck, when waking up from that transe state you had seen him looking at you frightened, and you couldn't help but ask him, with tears in your eyes, "Why me, you could have anyone you want? Why should you only want me, you deserve better." You say sobbing, trying to hold back the tears, not wanting to show him the inner struggle you were fighting all the time with the same voice that is bringing you down today. He had taken your chin in one of his strong hands, made you lift your face and looked straight into your eyes. In those big green eyes you felt as if you could see a meadow in which you could run free of all thought, free to be whoever you wanted to be, and that is what Dean is to you after all, a safe haven in which to seek comfort.

"I want you, and you alone. And already that is a selfish thought, because love, if anyone does not deserve the other it is me, because you are perfect and I am everything but perfect, and I know you deserve so much better, and yet I am selfish and I cannot help but love you and want you to be mine and only mine." Said the man in front of you before kissing you. Immediately you melted like ice cream in the sun in his arms, and you returned the kiss with all the passion and eagerness you were willing to let him know that his feelings were reciprocated. His warm, fleshy lips on yours moved to the rhythm of a dance that only you seemed to know. After a few minutes we parted, needing to breathe again, but both of you had two silly smiles on your faces, of two people stupidly in love with each other, unable to hide it from the world for a second longer. "I have Jane Austen and her Mr. Darcy to thank next time I see her in heaven. Or was it in hell?" Whispered Dean chucklingly before resting his forehead on yours.

"Winchester, we would have a demon to exorcise in the other room." You reminded him, laughing at his earlier statement, before punching him lightly in the chest. "And don't ever make fun of Jane Austen again, I love her books and I won't let you do that." You continued, pretending to give him a dirty look.

"Why do you think I read them?" He replied, winking at you before leaving the room to go deal with the demon, whom you had almost forgotten about.

A voice suddenly brings you back to reality. You look up from the pie in front of you and see Sam's worried eyes trying to decipher your thoughts, which, like a hurricane, are flowing fast in your eyes, too fast to be understood.

"Hey, are you okay?" The smallest Winchester asks you, with a tugged smile, as if you had forgotten how to smile and he wanted to help you learn it again. You then try to smile back at him and nod, not having the heart to tell him that today the battle in the mirror between you and your reflection was won by the mirror, and that as of this morning you feel like crap emotionally, because you feel like crap about your own body.

"I'm just tired, and I'm not very hungry. I think I'll give it to Dean, after all, he's always happy to have a little extra cake." You say trying to be convincing. In fact, it's been about five days since you've really been able to put anything under your teeth, after seeing a girl flirting with Dean in a bar in the town of your last case. Dean had immediately declined the girl's attentions, saying that he was committed to you and loved you, but a self-defense mechanism had sort of been triggered in your brain, telling you that if you didn't want to lose the only person you'd ever really loved in the world, you had to lose weight, and so you started not eating, obviously in secret from Dean.

The lack of food in your stomach has also brought you immense fatigue, in fact you don't even realize that you have left the diner and are now in the car from how foggy your brain is. As soon as you sit in Baby's seat, sleep takes over your body, so much so that you don't even feel Dean pick you up and carry you inside to your motel room. You awaken hours later on the bed you and Dean have been sharing since you arrived in this town, but neither he nor Sam can be seen.

Slowly you get up and drag yourself into the bathroom. You turn on the light and immediately a figure is revealed to you in the mirror. You don't even look like yourself anymore, your skin is white and emaciated, so much so that it looks like that of a ghost; the black circles under your eyes are more pronounced than usual, and an immense sadness shines through your eyes, yet you can't help but be happy to see that your face looks slightly slimmer than it did a couple of days ago. Bitter tears run down your face knowing that being happy about that thing is not right, and that what you are doing is not good for your health, yet you cannot stop that little voice in your head from speaking.

Suddenly you hear the bathroom door open and see before you the frightened and confused face of your boyfriend, who looks at you shocked, seeing the tears on your face. Quickly he approaches you, asking if you are hurt and taking your face in his hands. You try hard to pull away from him, but you are not strong enough. You don't want him to feel your impefect body, he doesn't deserve it, yet he continues to hold you in his arms, while a hand gently strokes your back, trying to calm you down.

"Love, what's going on? Why are you crying? What can I do to help you?" Dean whispers to you, in turn with tears ready to run down his cheeks not knowing how he can take away the pain you are feeling so intensely.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm really sorry. I've tried, but I can't." You sob, against his shoulder, stopping fighting him and letting yourself go into his embrace.

"What did you try to do love?" The elder Winchester asks with a veil of fear.

"I tried to be a better girlfriend, I tried to lose weight, but I can't. The voice is right, I don't deserve you, I never deserved you. I don't know how you can really love someone like me." You continue crying, falling to your knees, accompanied by his strong arms, as he follows you, also kneeling on the floor. Your figures seem to merge in this embrace, as you tell him of all your insecurities, of the evil voice that dwells within you and hinders your every hope for happiness, and how these days you have preferred to starve yourself in order to be a girl worthy of being seen at Dean Winchester's side. He listens to you in silence, as tears furrow his face and fall silently on your hair, since he has his chin resting on top of your head, while you hide your face in his chest seeking the comfort of his heartbeat and his scent as you open your soul to him on the motel floor of a godforsaken town.

When you're done, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief, feeling your heart lighten, and uncertainly you look into Dean's eyes and see his sadness, and immediately feel guilty knowing that you are the cause of that feeling. In a moment as if he is reading your mind, however, he immediately stops you and reassures you.

"Love, first of all, the next time you hear this voice or these feelings inside you, don't hesitate and come to me right away, because I love you and I don't want to see you suffer like this and you know that I am always there for you, no matter what, even if you just have to ask me why the color blue is blue at three o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, I am always there for you, I am your love slave." Says the hunter, kissing the last tears streaming down my face. "And secondly, you don't have to change in any possible universe, because you in each of them are perfect as you are. There is not one thing about you that I don't love madly: your hair, your eyes, your intelligence, your laugh, your body-oh God don't get me started on how your body drives me crazy, because believe me I could start a new religion just to worship you as the goddess you are. Every day I have to hold myself back from kissing every inch of your body, from screaming to the world that you are mine, that the best woman in the world is in love with me, and I still don't understand how that is possible. There is not one thing you do that is not perfect in my eyes, and even now I still think that never on earth and in heaven has there been a more perfect being than you, so please don't ever again believe what your brain tells you and believe me." He continues, as he looks into your eyes. You have never felt so loved in your life. The only thing you want to do is thank him, but no words come out of your mouth, so you kiss him, showing him how you feel about him. Slowly Dean gets up, taking you in his arms, not breaking the kiss. Only when you reach the front of the bed and he drops you on it, your lips part and he says a few words.

"I would say it's time to prove that I wasn't joking when I said I would found a religion just to worship your body."

And boy was he not joking.

#hauntedwitch04's writing #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x plus size reader #dean winchester fanfiction #deanwinchesterxreader #supernatural x reader #plus sized!reader #plus size!reader

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jdsgothwife · 7 months

Text

lawlight fic rec list

so i’m gonna do a series of these, starting with my favorite death note ship! make sure to pay attention to all warnings on these fics. enjoy! if you have a ship you’d like me to make a rec list for, please just send me an ask! i don’t want to be obnoxious, and i’m not saying they’re good, but i (slackjawbitch on ao3) have some lawlight fics up!

♡ = a favorite of kitty’s

angst

♡ 1. i’m drowning; please save me: L looks at Yagami Light and drowns. There is no other way to put it. As the days pass and blend into weeks, L looks at Yagami Light sitting next to him, the harsh lines of his face creased and determined, and he swallows water.

L looks at Yagami Light and he cannot breathe.

great characterization, always makes me very emo, and is probably a pretty major influence on my writing. one shot. 1,817 words.

2. always waiting for you just to cut to the bone: And then, breaking through the pounding in his head he hears what would be the last words out of that wretched man’s lips.

“I love you.”

fic for teh death note drama (2016) canon! title is unfortunately from a t*ylor sw*ft song (/silly) but this fic is so good and sad.

3. Our Bodies, Possessed By Light: L. Lawliet is a gifted photographer who believes he has understood the light and its secrets. Light Yagami is a young, unstable and slightly crooked model. Together, they kill time.

modeling and photography au. make sure to read all teh tags and warnings for this one; there’s nothing gross, but some potentially triggering subjects for some people are in here. multi chapter. 81,218 words.

4. Hearts and Spades: Which would you choose? Love or death? RaitoL, slight AU.

short but sweet piece featuring that classic fanfiction dot net era vibe, an emo-ass playing card metaphor (/pos), and a recounting of l’s death scene that made me sad over him all over again (also /pos). and also light being obnoxious, but it’s death note, so that’s usually a given, lol. one shot. 1,801 words.

5. Not Quite Drowning: Sometimes Light ponders happiness. L/Light

a short lawlight and light character study. i like it a lot, and i don’t usually like light, so that should tell you something about how well i think it’s written! one shot. 424 words.

♡ 6. Water, water, water: In the bath, they forget they’re a detective and a suspect; they remove these identities along with their clothes, layer by layer until there are only the handcuffs left. And them; facing the other in the eerie calmness of their bathroom.

At least, it’s how Light sees it.

i really love this one! make sure to read teh tags, as eating disorders and drugs are mentioned, for example. angst with a happy ending! one shot. 3,504 words.

fluff

1. Silver Bells: Silver bells...silver bells...

They’ve made it. Everything is okay now, when they’re dancing in the candlelight.

really, really cute! i recommend it as a palate cleanser to make you feel better after reading a sad one, lol. one shot. 1,255 words.

♡ 2. New Year’s Eve: "I've seen fireworks before," he says. "This is... so much... more."

just a cute little new year’s eve lawlight fireworks show! this one is also from 2009 which is kinda cool to me, haha. i like this author’s descriptive language a lot. one shot. 507 words.

♡ 3. Do Gay Penguins Go to Hell?: Too many New Year snacks bring about a family discussion between L, Raito and their daughter about healthy diet, common sayings and nature of good and evil. And gay penguins, of course. AU

a really darling kid fic, based on teh stupid, homophobic controversy over that adorable kids’ book about teh gay penguin couple. one shot. 3,791 words.

4. A Feeling: It's LxLight fluff! This takes place after Light was confined and lost his memories, chained to L. : D SO YUS. SOME FLUFF FOR YAH D: Hope you leik it :D

very cute “l and light cuddle and kiss” fic, written by a scene kid in 2008, which is extra points with me! one shot. 1,006 words.

alright! i will add to this rec list as i find more fics, and i would love it if people would send in their favorite lawlight fics!

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agendabymooner · 1 year

Text

here comes the sun ! daniel r. x ofc (måneskin member!ofc)

“little darling, the smile’s returning to their faces.”

summary: daniel and their fans (altogether) made sure that lorelei ‘lester’ ricciardo’s weeks of return in both the paddock and stage are bearable as their son, beau, made his presence known to the public a year after being born.

OR lester continues to prove that she'll always be with the tifosi first and be a red bull driver's wife after.

content warning: dad!daniel x mom!ofc content, red bull and ferrari admins being themselves (again), baby ric/little parmesan’s paddock debut, fluff fluff fluff, grid uncles and måneskin uncles, arthur leclerc being a piece of shit on twitter but i love him or sumn like that

note: i’m back from a lecture mwehehehe. check out the prequel for the rush series, own my mind!! enjoy xx

masterlist

danielricciardo posted a story !!

tagged loricciardo, maneskinofficial, _thomasraggi, ethaneskin, ykaaar

liked by ethaneskin, charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari

user1 MOOOOOMMY 😍🥵

user2 do y'all ever wonder if charles had a crush on her?

user3 where did that even come from?

user2 idk he's been listening to them for as long as he knew them lmfaooooo it's just a question

user4 drivers in the attendance were charles, lando, max and pierre (with danny ofc) btw

user5 oh bless 🙏

charles_leclerc watching the concert was one thing but to experience it firsthand with the little parmesan was incredibly priceless liked by danielricciardo

landonorris in the end, little par is THE VIBE. no exceptions liked by danielricciardo

oscarpiastri saw little par kick a football in monza 👌 he can still make it to the socceroos team liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo he's bout to be australia's pride

colabebe you're half italian, danny. if you're half and lester's full, bambino beau is 3/4 😽

oscarpiastri i refuse to accept these ideals, cola. i'm sorry. once an aussie, always an aussie

scuderiaferrari she's so back, welcome her 😭😍

redbullracing she is the moment your honour 🤭

ykaaar nice to see you again dan! not that i don't see your insufferable ass every other week 🤔 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo you're making me really sad with these claims, damiano 🥲

ykaaar do u want me to kiss it better 🤕

loricciardo omg my biggest fans 🥺 liked by danielricciardo

loricciardo i love you and the little bear soooo much 🥰 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo my favourite musician 🤩

tagged loricciardo

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1

landonorris slee🅱️y boys liked by danielricciardo

colabebe LOOK AT MY LITTLE NEPHEW !!!! beau beaaaaar!!! 🐻 liked by danielricciardo

nora_alessandro such handsome boys!!! 😍 liked by danielricciardo

georgerussell63 excuse me, ma'am? 🤨

danielricciardo go back to your tea, my dear brother-in-law georgerussell63

georgerussell63 🙄

user1 DADDY RIC!!!!

maxverstappen1 daddy ric ^^ liked by danielricciardo

user2 this is the kind of shit that we do NOT say aloud alright max 😭

user3 us maxiel enjoyers cannot take it 🥲 stop keeping our hopes up

oscarpiastri me and colabebe would babysit him if you'd allow it 🙌

landonorris i think you and i would have to talk about the babysitting privileges first, oscar.

user4 THE PERIOD IN THE END IM-

user5 bro really said "watch yo mouth" 😭

lewishamilton it wouldn't be a surprise if beau's just as energetic as you are 🤣 liked by danielricciardo

ethaneskin the next time i see him, i will spoil the f out of him 🤧 liked by danielricciardo

_thomasraggi uncle tommy's otw to get him everything he wants 😍 liked by danielricciardo

ykaaar he is so uncle dami-coded 😊 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo he doesn't look like you but ok 🙄

ykaaar just wait.

loricciardo my loveeeeees 😩😍 liked by danielricciardo

danielricciardo is it bad that i'm trying to outdo the little bear when it comes to your love? 🤔

loricciardo you will not need to try that hard, mio tasso. beau will always have the first place in my heart. you're a close second though 😽

danielricciardo aw it's all good, i guess. he is number one in mine too 🥰

loricciardo i'm glad we can come to an agreement then, my love 🤝

danielricciardo 🤝

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katerina-marie · 5 months

Text

Don't Go Slowly, Tell Me If You're Lonely (Series)

Chapter 2

Gojo Satoru x Reader & (past) Geto Suguru x Reader

Your relationship with Geto Suguru came to an end somewhere between the day of his betrayal and the day of his death. Your relationship with Gojo Satoru began somewhere in the midst of it all, even without you realizing.

WC: 5.0k

Content: Canon Divergence, Gojo x Female Reader (referred to as such but left descriptively vague), (past) Geto Suguru x Female Reader, Geto's canonical death, friends to lovers, angst, eventual happy ending, fluff later, reader is a sorcerer (left vague tho), SFW (may change in later chapters idk), no use of y/n. More notes below.

Chapter Count: Chp 1, Chp 2, Chp 3, Chp 4, Chp 5, Chp 6 (Final)

Notes:

A bit of a transitive chapter before we get into more of the "meat and potatoes" of this fic.

Also, content warning just in case: a funeral, and a brief mention of Suguru's dead body, but not in anyway that's graphic or overly descriptive.

-------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Give Up What Cannot Be Gotten Over (The Pain of Outliving)

You couldn’t be sure, but it was either ignorance or privilege that kept the idea of a little black dress as something sacred and beguiling in your head. While maybe it was remnants from the excitement of girlhood, when years of age started ending in ‘teen’ and appearances were suddenly much bigger of a deal than they had been before, but the prospect of wearing one was always gleefully anticipated. It was meant to be done in effervescent fun, as a young teenager when the “little” dress fell closer to your knees and never saw a curfew farther than 11:00, or once you were older and the fabric could travel further up the expanse of your thighs as youthful exuberance was swapped out for sensuality.

Whatever it was, however, faded in light of what purpose that little black dress would serve today. You had smoothed the fabric down over your torso, patting and pinching at where it snagged over the black tights you had shimmied on before it. The dress couldn’t be considered daring, so much as it was simply meant for a different occasion, but you had no other, and as you learned in the last few days, death did not wait for one to be prepared. So you twisted in front of your mirror, ensuring all angles were covered, and reached for the paired black shawl to drape over your shoulders. It was a touch unnecessary, with the weather mild and your skin not overly exposed, but it would serve its purpose in drying any stray tears since no one had told you growing up that the little black dress seldom came with pockets.

You had just finished slipping on your shoes when a knock at your door sounded through your room. There was enough time to call out to whoever was behind it before it opened and Suguru stepped through it. Dressed in black and unfairly handsome, he smiled at you, though it was faint and not nearly as wide as normal. He closed the door behind him and walked over to where you had been perched on the edge of the bed to buckle the strap of your shoe. When he reached you, he pulled you up to stand and wrapped you in his arms, exhaling hard enough to ruffle the hair at your temple and you squeezed him tighter in return.

“How’s Nanami?” Suguru asked, stroking a hand down your back and then tugging it back gently when one of his fingers got caught in the small gap of the lace pattern on your shawl. You laughed softly and felt the weight of him as he leaned further over your shoulder to inspect the disruption, only needing a moment to untangle his finger and come before you again.

“He’s as expected,” You told him, thinking back to your blonde-haired friend just a couple rooms down as he too was dressing himself in black. “I sat with him for a little while this morning, and he was just as quiet as usual. But surely sad and missing Haibara. He let me hug him.”

Your boyfriend’s features fell and you could sense the stinging in your nose that warned you of the impending tears that would tickle your eyes momentarily. You blinked them away, adamant that you wouldn’t leave your room already pink-eyed and tear stained, lest you prompt Shoko into crying as well and push Nanami farther into his discomfort.

“Pretty dress. It’s a shame this is how I see it first,” Suguru said, clearing his throat as his thumb brushed under your eye to whisk away a tear before dropping to pull at the hem of said dress. You half-heartedly batted his fingers away, minding their penchant for getting into places they didn’t always belong.

“It’s a funeral dress now, I suppose. Appropriate, given our line of work, don’t you think?” You peered up at him to await whatever was to come out of his mouth, and you were startled when you realized how tired Suguru looked. His hair was limp and only halfway tied up into its normal bun. The rest lay unkempt down his shoulders, and you assumed he couldn’t have been bothered to do much else with it. There were pale shadows under his eyes and you wondered if he had spent the night talking with Satoru, catching up with his best friend who came back as quickly as he left it seemed nowadays. You reached out your hand to sweep back the strands of hair that still fell over his temple and Suguru leaned his cheek into your palm.

“Appropriate?” He murmured, glancing back down at the dress before looking back at you with sadness in his eyes. “Sure, but unfortunate, really. Considering the likelihood that you’ll have to wear it again.”

As you stared down at the same black dress laid out on your bed years later, you found yourself echoing Suguru’s sentiment about it.

Unfortunate for sure, if it could be summed up into one word.

Maybe if you ignored the irony of it, it wouldn’t make you laugh. Though maybe that was preferable to crying—you couldn’t decide. You ran your finger along the side of the dress and willed yourself to slip the fabric over your head and down your arms. But that felt like a monumental task, since the last time it had brushed over your skin was after Haibara’s funeral when Suguru had helped you peel it off. It was done perfectly tame and demure, neither of you in any kind of mood that would allow for any other behavior, and he had thrown it into your pile of growing laundry before the two of you had slipped under the blankets on your bed and sought out the unconscious bliss of a grief induced nap.

The memory stole your breath when you struggled to recall if that had been the last time Suguru was in your bed. It drove you nearly to the point of throwing yourself back into the plush pile of blankets where you had spent the last week since his death. You yearned to find any trace of him left; a scant strand of black hair, the lingering smell of his body wash on the pillow case, or even the warmth he always left behind in the indentation on his side of the mattress. But there would be none, as you already confirmed in your days of wallowing, because his last time there had been years ago and any evidence of him was long since washed away by time.

A sharp patting to your cheeks brought you out of whatever thoughts of Suguru lingered in your mind before you could spiral deeper into them, and you gave yourself no more time to think of it before you maneuvered the dress over your head and finished dressing yourself. You pulled the same shawl off a hanger in your closet and threw it around your shoulders before stepping into a different pair of shoes—a small mercy, but you’d take it—when someone knocked at your door.

There had been many instances of that over the last few days. Nanami appeared every morning at a routine time to ensure that you ate breakfast and brushed your teeth. Shoko drifted in after lunch to recline back against your headboard with you and watch mindless TV. Even Okkotsu had wandered in on the third day, nervousness bleeding out from him in the way that he knocked hesitantly and how his hands trembled when he sheepishly held up a tray of dinner, though that slowly dissipated as the two of you sat chatting over a hot meal. Nothing was said about what happened, because how were you supposed to say that you were proud of the bravery and strength he had shown in protecting his friends, but sickened at the thought that he had injured Suguru to the extent he did. Perhaps you could say just that, but you doubted it would make either of you feel any better, so all you did was press a hand to his arm and ruffle his hair before he left with a tiny grin on his face.

And then yesterday evening, when darkness had just started to dim the edges of your room and you had snuggled yourself away in bed did you hear three rapid knocks done firmly against your door. You were quick to leap from your bed and twist the doorknob in the same moment you began to pull it open, but the space in front of you was empty. The halls were silent and footsteps didn’t quicken around a corner, but a small plastic bag sat lonely at the tips of your toes. When you opened it and recognized the same sweets Satoru would bring for the three of you to snack on under the big tree in the corner of the school’s training grounds, you helped yourself to one or two of them—even if you had already brushed your teeth.

So now, when another knock echoed through your room, you expected any of the four of them to be standing outside your door, though some seemed more likely than others. If you were relieved or disappointed when you opened the door to see Nanami standing there in a suit exactly the same as his others except for its shade of black, you hoped you didn’t let it show. Instead, you placed your hand into the crook of his elbow and let him lead you to wherever it was you all were to go.

——————————————

In a couple minutes walk from campus, up a slightly inclined hill and after a bend in the trail, a tall stone monument inscribed with Suguru’s name sat nestled against a cluster of trees. It wasn’t secluded enough that the coolness of the wind couldn’t flutter the grass growing near the bottom or that errant beams of sun would never flash over the letters in his name, but the area was quiet and slightly further than the beaten path. You supposed it was fitting. Suguru didn’t belong anywhere else. Certainly not in a field of endless headstones, but neither to be simply found when roaming the nature surrounding the school. Obscured, but not forgotten. Maybe later discovered by a stray ball thrown or a small pebble kicked.

The soil shifted slightly under your feet as you switched your weight from one hip to the other, and you watched as Principal Yaga walked to stand close to the stone bearing Suguru’s name. He cleared his throat and you let your eyes wander as he opened his mouth to give whatever brief speech he had prepared. You heard Shoko sniffle behind you, and from the corner of your eye you saw Nanami reach back to hand her a tissue he pulled from his pocket. Around them others gathered, some friends, some classmates, some you didn’t recognize. Whether they were all there to show their support to you and Satoru or actually intended to pay their respects to the dead who may or may not deserve it was debatable at best. You didn’t care to know.

“Time and time again we will all be reminded of the pain of outliving. I urge you to find what drives you forward, otherwise the ceaselessness of it all will surely make a mess of you.”

You expected nothing less than blunt and dismal from Principal Yaga, and as he left his spot by the stone pillar to return to the crowd, you suddenly found yourself unable to move forward. There was nothing for you to leave on Suguru’s grave except for the possibility of a few missed tears that might run down your nose and fall to the dirt. You had nothing to say to him, at least not like this, when he lay six feet under and would never respond. If he could hear you wail at him and reply back in any meaningful way then maybe your mind could be swayed, but he hadn’t given you that opportunity in life, so you were hard pressed to return the favor to him in death. With that, you figured your mind was made up enough that you could turn and start the walk back to your room, but a hand suddenly trailed down your arm and tangled with your fingers to tug you forward before you had the chance. You were ready to scold Nanami for forcing you into something you barely wanted to do, but a glimpse of white hair ripped the words from your mouth.

“You looked like you needed some encouragement,” Satoru said, his tone teasing but no evidence of such on his face. You gaped at him, taken aback by how he seemed to appear out of nowhere and touch you so easily. The racing of your heart told you that maybe five days apart wasn’t yet enough to ease the impact of his presence, but you did your best to swallow away the thickness in your throat and do something other than stumble along next to him.

“I would’ve moved eventually,” you grumbled, coming to a stop next to Suguru’s grave with Satoru to your left. You couldn't bear to look at it up close, so you turned your head to focus on Satoru’s appearance. You were left surprised when you realized that a thick black band wrapped the entirety of his head to hide his eyes and part of you was grateful. The blue of them was unnerving on the best of days, and you were afraid that right now, when you could just hardly keep your voice from shaking at the sight of him, they would overwhelm you completely.

“Besides,” you continued, blowing out a shuddered breath as you tilted your head to rest it against the bulk of his shoulder, “I’m not even sure what the point of standing here is.” Undecided by you, the hand that wasn’t being squeezed by Satoru’s drifted to the stone so you could trace the lines of Suguru’s name with the tip of your finger.

“We’re mourning, aren’t we?” He asked.

You shrugged, shifting your view downwards to peer at the grass and rock below your feet. “I guess, though I suspect most of my mourning will be done out in the world. Maybe on a random street or grocery store when the memory of him hits hard enough on some unassuming Tuesday. But not here, not when a dozen eyes are watching me and I don’t have a word to be shared with him.” You might have imagined it, but Satoru’s body seemed to coil tight with tension.

“No last words?”

You had never heard Satoru sound so strained. “Suguru couldn’t do me the honor, so I don’t see why I should waste my breath.”

He said nothing, and you bit down on your lip when the thought crossed your mind that maybe you had offended him in the slightest. “I’m not going to be bitter for the rest of my life, I swear.” You tightened your grasp on his hand briefly as you tried to reassure him. “Maybe for just a little while.”

Satoru’s answering laugh was devoid of all its usual charm and fullness, and for the first time ever, it made you uneasy. With nothing else for you to do or say, you turned away from Suguru’s grave and dragged Satoru along with you, allowing space for Nanami to escort Shoko to her chance to say goodbye. You pondered gathering back with the rest of the crowd but truly saw no purpose in it, and instead you made your way back to the trail leading to campus.

The speed at which Satoru flicked your hand from his once the two of you left the coverage of the trees stung your pride and allowed for a swell of anger to heat your cheeks. He may not like how you chose to cope with the loss of one-so-dear to the both of you, nor was he supposed to grieve in any way similar to you, but he should at least respect what you did to keep yourself standing at any given moment.

So as disappointing as it was to see how hastily he retreated from you, maybe more time was necessary for you and Satoru to find the pattern in which the two of you would operate without Suguru being in his place between you. You never really quite learned how to be alone with your boyfriend’s best friend (you figured it was time to remove that qualifier since Suguru was no longer alive to keep the role occupied), not that it was done intentionally or with any amount of concern, but more a simple byproduct of the established dynamic. Suguru and Satoru had been friends years before you had arrived at Jujutsu High, and when you finally immersed yourself fully into Suguru’s life as his partner, Satoru had been the most challenging part to accommodate. Where he was seemingly boundless in his energy and demonstrative with his emotions, you remained relatively even-keeled and reserved. Satoru was borderline obnoxious in his confidence, but you were overtly aware of your own faults, though stubbornly determined in all your endeavors. Suguru had his hands full the first few months in maintaining equitable peace between you two, and you were afraid that now that he was gone there would be considerable more growing pains between you and your friend as you learned how to accommodate for the other without someone there to offer mediation.

Perhaps absence or distance could make a heart less callous, so in an effort to reach that point, you didn’t urge your legs to move faster as Satoru’s longer ones created more and more space between the two of you in your descent back home.

————————————————

“Are you sure you’d like to come back to work already? I was prepared to give you more than just a week.”

Principal Yaga’s office wasn’t a place you were used to being. The chairs across his desk had been previously reserved for the frequent reprimanding of a particular twosome, but they had long since sat empty and you only deigned yourself there to beg your principal for an assignment.

“While appreciative of the offer, I can no longer be unproductive.” You hoped you came across firm and confident in your request, but you were afraid you simply looked well worn and desperate. Yaga observed you a minute longer before looking back down at the paperwork strewn across his desk and let out a long sigh. If he’d spare you the indignity of having to explain that you could no longer spend hours at a time crying in your room, you’d never again let out the smallest complaint when Satoru’s unfinished reports landed in your own ever-growing pile.

“Very well. I’ll get back to you soon.” Elation had you already up and out of your chair, a ‘thank you’ on your lips when he continued, “I don’t know what it is with you two. Satoru was here only an hour ago asking for the very same thing.”

Your back had been to your principal and his desk, so you couldn’t see the suspicion on his face, but you heard it in his voice nonetheless. “Restlessness, I suppose.”

Yaga hummed low in his throat. “Possibly.”

You chose not to dwell on Satoru’s peculiarities and had just nearly made it to the door of Yaga’s office when you remembered what else you came for. “Thank you, by the way,” You started, turning just slightly to offer your sincerity, “I appreciate what you did with Suguru’s grave.”

Principal Yaga’s expression was perplexed and somewhat concerned. “I cannot take credit for that. Satoru was the one who decided where to place the stone. He came to me with instructions for the funeral.”

You weren’t exactly stunned into silence, but you had to stop and think for a moment before it occurred to you that you hadn’t once considered that it was Satoru who had prepared the funerary process for Suguru. It didn’t bother you that he did and never once consulted you about what preparations were to be made—you had zero faith in your ability to muster the courage for such a task—but the idea he had done it alone was a decidedly unpleasant image to add to your repertoire of self-inflicted torment.

When had he scouted a location for his best friend to forever rest? Had he stumbled upon it accidentally or had he always known of the little patch of sun and seclusion in the midst of a forested trail? Were you on his mind when he thought of how the curve of the trees would offer the privacy you craved for when you eventually made the trek there? Had he wept over that same spot the two of you had looked down on? Was is done out of obligation to you or an attempt at repentance for a deed he deemed punishable. Did he—,

“Please,” You begged Yaga, too exhausted to be embarrassed by the weakness of your voice, “send me somewhere far away from here.”

————————————————

Satoru couldn’t be sure of when he last slept. A full night’s rest had probably occurred in the days leading up to Suguru’s death, but in the time following he couldn’t recall anything more than twenty or thirty minutes of restless dozing at a time. Wakefulness was as painful as he expected, but the landscape of his dreams provided no relief from the events of the last week. At this point, he was convinced the latter was worse than the former.

He was only marginally chagrined to admit that he was avoiding you. A dutiful upbringing told him that meeting you in your place of grief to offer his support and share of the weight was the proper way to do things. The way you terrorized him in his sleep had him believing otherwise. When Satoru did finally succumb to the beckoning of exhaustion and rested his eyes in the comfort of a luxe city apartment across town from Jujutsu High, you were there in his subconscious to appear as everything he feared.

Maybe this time you did throw yourself at him. Your face was wild in its anguish and fury. Your nails raked down his cheek and if they tore the skin to shreds it was because he let you. Suguru’s name left your mouth in relentless screams that rang his ears and Satoru couldn’t pull you close like he wanted to, because as quickly as you came upon him you removed yourself with the same swiftness, eyes cutting and full of distrust. You spat your disapproval and scorned the day of his birth, and when you told him that you would never hope to lay your eyes on him again he nodded in agreement. Your reproach would always best any barrier he could lay over himself, landing true to bury deep in his chest, and he’d let you do it over and over again if that’s all he’d ever be good for—a target for your outpoured suffering.

Or the inverse where—a horrible manifestation of his best friend’s dying words—you were his. In some similarity to his memory, you did offer whatever comfort you could manage while you were also falling apart in the garden with him. You reacted the same as you did and Satoru watched you walk away with the same sense of foreboding lingering in your absence. But later, in the privacy of his home, you found your way to him. He gathered you into his arms so he could rest his cheek on top of your head and you slithered your hands up and under the jacket of his uniform to steal the heat of his skin. In the steam of the shower you wiped away a droplet of dried blood from under his ear, rinsing it away under a stream of water before Satoru could get a glimpse of it. When he broke down into strangled sobs under the blankets of his bed, you were there to pull his head to your breast and rake your fingers through his hair. In the quiet stillness before sleep he could remember exactly the feel of the dead weight that wore his best friend’s face. It would never leave him, a deep scar that had no outward appearance, but the softness of your skin and the way it would give under the pressure of his fingers would tempt his mind into forgetting.

Each version of his dreams would awaken Satoru with a panicked need to escape, to prowl the edges of his apartment until the comfort of familiarity wore off and he would seek solace in the openness of the night sky and empty streets. Yet, to his utter embarrassment and shame, one of those dreams would drive him to lie back into the plushness of his bed and bury his head into his pillow to chase a warmth that was never there. Satoru never wanted to covet Suguru’s beloved partner, but in sleep deprived grief he was weak to desire any shred of alleviation and assurance, even if that came in a hypothetical version of yourself. However, he would still eventually anathematize his own self when he couldn’t pull his eyes from their sockets and wrench his soul from his body all because the torture of outliving was compounding on his shoulders and he couldn’t understand how he could so fiercely hate his best friend in fleeting moments of despair.

So Satoru wandered and abstained, using every drop of the senses he was born with to make sure he was always moving in a direction away from you (not that it was difficult since you seldom left your bedroom), but he still found himself preoccupied with the thought of you. On the first night after Suguru’s death as he walked mindlessly through the school grounds, he came across a hidden alcove of soft grass and towering trees and immediately knew that this was the place where Suguru had to be. It wasn’t for his own sake or in consideration of the sensibilities of anyone else at Jujutsu High, but for you and the way he knew you would be in need of privacy when you came to cry or scream or bargain with the dirt over Suguru’s grave. He hadn’t waited until morning to let Principal Yaga know of his plans. Later, when Satoru passed by a familiar shop the night before Suguru’s funeral and spotted the sweets the three of you often indulged in together, he was powerless to do anything other than return with them to the school and leave a bag full at your doorstep because he knew you would like the taste of them—and maybe the memories attached to them as well.

Satoru broke the physical boundary he placed around you at Suguru’s funeral. He watched you from the back of the crowd as you stared at a point over and miles beyond Principal Yaga’s shoulder. He intervened when minutes had passed since Yaga’s speech and you still hadn’t moved from your spot beside Nanami. His skin came alight when he interlaced your fingers with his and led you to stand right next to the stone monument of Suguru’s grave, and he told himself that the pressure he exerted in his hold was as much for your own sake as it was his.

The buzz of familiarity that came with your touch vanished from his body as he heard the bitterness in your voice when you declared to him that Suguru wasn’t entitled to any of your final words since he hadn’t offered any to you. An overwhelming sense of great dread formed in the pit of his stomach and Satoru could hear the ticking of the metaphorical clock hanging above his head that was counting down to some unknown time when the biggest lie of his life would most likely ruin it. If a bead of sweat dripped down his cheek, he hoped you’d confuse it for a tear. Satoru would have stayed rooted to his place in front of Suguru’s grave had you not forced him to walk back with you to the main trail down the hill, and it took those first couple steps to jolt him back into awareness. The warmth of your hand ultimately became too much for him to bear. It felt so much like the hand that soothed his flesh in the middle of his dreams. It reminded him too much of how you seemed to depend on his comfort with trust he hadn’t earned, and he couldn’t stand to have you in contact with himself a moment longer. He didn’t stick around to see if there was any reaction to his abrupt departure on your face. He didn’t hear you quicken your strides to catch up with him and Satoru made the assumption that maybe you were in need of space too.

He continued that way for another week, slinking around the school to avoid being seen or spotting you from afar, and it was then Satoru could take it no longer. He demanded from Principal Yaga for something to take his mind off the turmoil. Surely the underclassmen needed training, some curse was waiting to be exorcized, or even a random closet was needing to be organized. Anything would do and no task was below him.

So that’s how he found himself staring at you two days later from behind the corner of a building at the front of Jujutsu High, observing as you loaded luggage into the back of a black sedan and took an orange file of paperwork from Principal Yaga. The underclassmen were waiting at a small cafe a ten minutes drive away and Satoru was already twenty late, but he couldn’t help watching as you slid into the backseat, shut the door, and drove off through the gates without so much as a look back. He had thought that distance would ease the sting of…. whatever was hanging between you two, but under the initial feeling of relief was a simmering hurt that came from the fact you were leaving without a goodbye.

What’s one more when the wounds are still fresh?

————————————————

The following chapters will have more dialogue and interaction between Satoru and Reader. I needed this chapter to offer a bit more background/insight in order to build onto what's coming.

Things will feel a bit lighter and happier before they get angsty again, but I do promise everything will end well <3

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #geto suguru #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo x you #gojo x reader #geto x you #geto x reader

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starryeyedcas · 7 days

Text

Every Destiel Fic I’ve Ever Read [WIP]

Let’s do it! I took this list directly from my twitter

I’m not really going to post my ratings and stuff and I’m not going to copy what I said verbatim because as I grow older my opinions always change and every fic deserves love regardless of what some stranger on the internet thinks! Check these out if you need something new to read :)

Also, side note: A lot of the fics I tend to read are either non-canon or pre S10. If your looking for canon type, recent fics this will not be a list for you and I apologize :(

Also pt. 2: Some of the fics that I have listed on my twitter are no longer available so I have decided to not list them here. It’s very sad because there were some really good ones! Regardless, I’m still trying to keep this list as up to date as I possibly can when it comes to my reading ventures. Either way, I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I do <3

1. NINETY ONE WHISKEY

By komodobits, 401,193 words (not counting other fics in the series)

Please, please, please! Read this if you haven’t yet!! It’s a slow burn, World War II based fic and it’s my absolute favorite fic of all time. In fact I think it may be my favorite story of all time!! I come back to this fic always. If I’m sad, I read it. If I’m happy, I read it. I’ve read it probably 4 or 5 times at this point and it always holds up. I will say though, IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY. Dean and Cas are written VERY well, in fact every character in this fic are written to perfection. You find yourself growing attachments to side characters that you may have even forgotten existed in the show. I seriously cannot recommend this one enough. You will not regret it.

2. A BRIEF GLIMPSE

By cloudyjenn, 12,356 words

I’ll be honest, this one is special for me. This was the very first Destiel fic I ever read back in 2014. That being said, I may be a little biased towards it but I do genuinely think that it’s very cute. It’s a Slice-of-Life esque story with light supernatural happenings; where Castiel is in high school and has a very big crush on his best friend, Sam Winchester. Things start to go awry when Sam invites Cas to a carnival. I won’t spoil too much though! If you want a quick read with some fluff, definitely read this one.

3. SMELLS LIKE ROSES

By unknown :(, 53,828 words

Uhoh! A Djinn fic! I remember this one just hurting me so much. Dean is living his dream life. Everything around him is perfect and he’s mysteriously very happy. When you get to the end of this fic, holy cow the heartbreak. It’s written very well, you obviously can’t go wrong with a fic that slightly follows canon. I really like this one and I might reread it again soon but I cannot stress enough how much it hurts! Stay safe out there.

4. NOT ALL THE WAY THROUGH

By Tracy, around 4,700 words

Shorter fic based around s5 episodes 3 and 4. This one is good but it’s also very painful. I think I like fics that hurt me lol. There are some warnings I want to state! This fic features substance abuse, non con, mentions of torture and A CHARACTER DEATH so please be careful! This is told through Castiel’s perspective and all the summary says is “Castiel’s new life begins and ends with Dean.” So I will leave it at that. (Also as a side note whenever I think of this fic I think of the song ‘And So it Goes’ by Billy Joel. Listen to that while reading and you are sure to shed some tears. Stay safe friends xx)

5. PAINTED ANGELS

By WinnJennster, 105,637 words

This one used to be really popular, so it’s likely many of you have already read it. Either way I will still recommend it. It’s a nice little “reunited” type fic in which Cas is an author and Dean is a painter. I will say, however, that the angst in this fic is HEAVY. Personally, I’m not huge into giant angsty fics like this, or maybe the type of angst portrayed in this one. I just remember feeling a little frustrated by it. YET, this fic has a lot of good memorable moments with some fluff sprinkled throughout. If you love angst, this is the fic for you. WARNING though, you need an AO3 account to read this fic. If you’re not already logged in, you’re out of luck.

6. TWIST AND SHOUT

By Gabriel and standbyme, 97,556 words

Who are we kidding?? Everyone on this website KNOWS this fic. You all could probably recount it backwards, forwards, sideways, upside down. Who knows. All we know is that this fic is a capital S-A-D. When I was in high school, I LOVED this fic. I adored it, no matter how much it made me cry. Because YES there is a MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. And NO it’s not FUN. Can I be honest? After rereading it, I feel as if Cas and Dean are out of character! Doesn’t mean it’s a bad story, absolutely not. It’s beautiful! I think it’s wonderful and obviously I recommend it. But you could change the names of the boys and you wouldn’t even know its based off two characters from Supernatural. This is my hill and I will gladly die on it. Read it if you dare, but remember to beware OOooOOoooOo (another side note: I had to go to the fic to get the link for this post and I swear to God my eyes watered when I read that first sentence. I HATE and I LOVE this fic all at the same time.)

7. SMOKE IN THE MIRROR

By letters_of_stars, 52,327 words

Oh shoot! Dean is an artist and he needs a nude model!! Who do you think is gonna take the bait?!?! In all seriousness though, I really adore this one. YES Castiel is nude and YES Dean is painting him but if you’re expecting smut right from the get go you are mistaken! I wanna say this is another slow burn?? But it has also been a while since I’ve read it. I just remember liking this one a lot. In my original rating, I gave it a 5/5 so that’s gotta mean something. Another little slice of life with a lot of good moments. Check it out!

8. A HOME BENEATH THE STARS

By CheshireMoon, 71,240 words

Hi, it’s me again. The girl who likes fics that rip her heart to SHREDS. I’m gonna be about as vague as can about this one because boy did that ending catch me off guard when I first read it. So Dean is homeless, right? And Cas is a kind hearted, Good Samaritan, astronomer. When the two meet Dean’s life changes… for the better… I’m gonna leave it at that. You could be ignorant like me and skip over the warnings to this fic and just leave it to good will and faith that this fic will leave you happy and giggly. Or you could do yourself a favor and know what’s coming but not know when it happens. Either way, I still recommend this one. I really like it, just make sure you have a fluff fest fic waiting for you on the other side.

9. THE FACE OF HEAVEN

By orange_crushed, 9,772 words

This one is short and so so sweet. Another type of slice-of-life where Dean is just a gay bartender living his best gay bartending life when he suddenly comes across a fallen star whose name is Castiel. It’s very unique and I love it so much. In my original opinion of this fic I said I didn’t like the formatting? And I think what I meant to say is, I don’t like reading long paragraphs but the formatting to this fic is perfectly fine lol. Still a fun little read and it’s pretty fluffy!

10. SO MUCH TANGLED THREAD

By imogenbynight, 37,428 words

Holy crap! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. It’s like, Ninety One Whiskey almost, except there’s time travel, and supernatural happenings, and OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS FIC. It’s ends pretty quick but it’s still so so so good. Please read it, show it some love. I think about this one from time to time and I still smile. Much like with Painted Angels, you need an account to read this one. So make sure you’re logged in! If you don’t have an account you best get that invitation fr.

11. DIAMOND STAR HALO

By had, 4,924 words

Just pure fluff told from Sam Winchester’s perspective. I kind of have a soft spot for fics told from a third party perspective because it’s like they’re seeing Dean and Cas how WE see Dean and Cas and it makes me all giddy, I dunno. This is a good short read and you should definitely read it after reading something really sad and heart wrenching!

12. CINDERWINGS

By bendingsignpost, 181,619 words

STOP!! I love this fic!! It’s a Cinderella type story, there’s a masquerade ball, Dean is a PRINCE. Very fantasy with supernatural elements. It’s WONDERFUL. The way the author writes about the world through Castiel’s perspective is super entertaining and funny and I love the misunderstandings that happen within the story. If you love fantasy and monarchy and magic and parties, this is definitely a fic for you.

13. ONE WHITE LIE

By komodobits, 11.179 words

I can’t lie, komodobits is my favorite fic author and so I am a little biased towards their stories. This one is no exception. It’s hilarious, lighthearted, and fluffy. The range that this author has with their fics amazes and horrifies me. How can one person have that much talent? I have no idea. This is just a komodobits appreciation post, you got me. Anywho, Castiel tells a small lie to the Winchester brothers and they mess with him. Not based in canon, a very slice-of-life fic. I love it, please check it out.

14. FORGET-ME-NOT BLUES

By noangelsinthegarrison, 68,689 words

Ahhh I remember this one. Another slice-of-life, have you noticed a pattern? Sam and Jess are getting married! Woohoo! Of course Dean is in the wedding but so is Castiel, someone Dean has history with……….. Basically there’s misunderstandings and mutual pining and it’s fun. It’s got all sorts of romcom elements with just a dash of angst!

15. MUSCLE MEMORY

By komodobits, 18,961 words

Give me a story that’s loosely based off of 50 First Dates and written by my favorite fic author and suddenly I’m in Heaven. I’m a really big fan of movie AU’s, especially well written and this one is no exception. It’s kind of sad though, but if you’ve seen 50 First Dates then you should expect that. Even if you aren’t a fan of movie AU’s, I would still suggest giving this one a read.

16. KIND OF A FOREVER DEAL

By komodobits, 111,460 words

STOP LOOKING AT ME. YOU THINK IM PUTTING TOO MANY FICS BY THE SAME AUTHOR HERE? WELL YOU LISTEN TO ME PAL, THIS WON’T BE THE LAST ONE EITHER!! Ahem, this fic is awesome and sort of a fan favorite already!! Slice-of-life, teenaged angst, summer camp, LoVe, it’s amazing! The way that the author wrote the friendship between Dean, Cas, Jo, and Victor has me in tears. Very wholesome and heart wrenching, highly recommend!

17. IMPERFECT PROPOSALS

By Fallen_Angel_Meg, 111,082 words

Another movie AU! This is loosely based off The Proposal and filled with fluff! You really don’t see a whole lot of crossover fics that are long like this one, but it’s fun to read and you’ll probably fly through it just like I did. Do you like The Proposal? No? Read it anyways xx

18. CHECKED OUT

By whelvenwinge, 27,127 words

Okay this one, is really good. Like really good. It comes complete with original artwork and fantastic storytelling. Castiel is a librarian and he really despises Dean Winchester, an acclaimed author. It’s sooooo good, I cannot stress enough how much I think you should read this. And you’ll get really pretty pictures to look at! The ending is great, the beginning is great, it’s just wonderful. So what are you waiting for? Run along now and read it!

19. SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS

By habitatfordeanwinchester, 2,593

This one is just cute. It’s short and fluffy. Imagine Castiel working at a Chipotle and getting special instructions on a mobile order. Can you guess who they’re from? If you’re sad and need a pick me up, just read this one. It’s so cute!

20. C-S-T-L

By komodobits, 90,377

It has been a really long time since I read this one. But I know that I loved every second of it and I was crying during the majority of it. Either because I had just got done reading 91w or because the story itself made me emotional. Either way it’s a fantastic read! Castiel is an android and Dean is tasked with adding him to their army for the WAR. This fic has wonderful world building, really in-depth character exploration, and the ANGST. I’m probably going to read this one again sometime soon~ JOIN MEEEEE

#destiel #deancas #Dean Winchester #Castiel #supernatural #spn #destiel fic #destiel fic rec #fic rec #fanfic #fanfiction #ninety one whiskey #twist and shout #fic review #Sam Winchester #casdean #deastiel

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whiscey · 3 months

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drop your devastating banana fish fanfics list bestie 🙇🏻‍♀️

AHSHWJEVJ YES OMG thank you so much for this ask!!! i have a very very long list of fanfics that i love so im not gonna put every single one here, but here’s a list of my favorites :)

note: 1) of course please be mindful of the tws— most of these have the usual list of the tws associated with ash’s trauma; 2) i don’t read anything that complies with the canonical ending cause i cannot handle that lol; 3) the first half of this list is just purely devastating, and then the second half is mostly just hurt/comfort; 4) the order in this doesn’t mean anything

I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended (by ihavenomorals): very shorter-centric; retells the canon events in his perspective (with it being heavily implied that he’s in love with ash); definitely very devastating, i cried multiple times while reading it

dead birds and bloodhounds (by ihavenomorals): also very shorter-centric lol; incredibly devastating for similar reasons as the last one (i also really really loved the ending of this one)

Streetlight angel. (by chaos101): this one’s also shorter-centric; a lot of pre-canon shorter’s thoughts about ash; i do not have words to describe how much i loved the whole “streetlight angel” thing

New York, New York 1980 (by wbss21): ash-centric; talks about precanon ash living on the streets (no shorter); genuinely so so heartbreaking

Just offscreen. (by chaos101): focuses on ash; please be very very careful with the warnings, this really graphic and can be very triggering; i almost feel weird recommending this one cause it’s not really meant to be read for enjoyment, but it’s very well-written and really really impactful so i do want to include it; almost threw up the first time i read this (and i mean that as a compliment to the writing, not in the sense that i personally found it triggering), it was so incredibly devastating and gut-punching

how strong the blood (by ihavenomorals): nadia-centric; it’s about nadia’s experience raising shorter on her own; one of the only fanfics i’ve read that focuses on nadia and i loved it so so much

Odour of Chrysanthemums (by nyanja14): eiji’s-mom-centric; eiji’s mom’s perspective on ash and his relationship with eiji after they move to japan; this was so cool ahdhwje, i loved how much depth and backstory they gave to eiji’s mom; one of the less devastating ones on this list, but it’s still so sad in its own right

like a peach (by Quintessence): asheijiii; eiji takes care of ash’s wounds (canon-compliant, takes place around when they rescue ash from dino) and they talk about how he sees himself; definitely a lot more hurt/comfort than pure devastation but the way ash sees himself is so heartbreaking :(

Hydrangea (by Bleed_Peroxide): jessica-centric; first half is jessica’s thoughts as she gets to know more about ash and then second half is an expansion on that one scene where jessica asks ash about what foxx did to him; also more hurt/comfort lol, but i love found family sooo much

Even that could be forgiven. Even Ash. (by chaos101): focuses on max and ash; obviously had to include this since i literally requested it lmao (don’t get me wrong tho– that’s not the only reason why it’s here; it’s here cause i love this fic a lot :3); ash thinks max is going to punish him for talking back to him and max comforts him; hurt/comfort

You’ve paid this world more than enough. (by chaos101): also focuses on max and ash; pretty similar to the last one but i just had to include this cause i love it so so much; hurt/comfort

Safe and Sound (by Dodici): focuses on shorter and ash; pretty short but so so impactful (literally took my breath away ahdvwjeh)

I wish that things had been different. (by chaos101): focuses on ash and griffin; it’s about ash’s reunion with griffin after he starts recovering from the effects of banana fish; this was so emotional and well-written abdvwjbd

Down toward the Healing (by Dodici): asheiji; part of a series (i recommend the series as a whole honestly, but definitely this fanfic in particular) called Eight Million Gods; it’s about ash struggling to find a therapist who works for him; the writing is so beautiful in this and i personally find it somewhat devastating in the sense that it’s a big reminder that healing takes time and a lot of effort

Feed My Body. Feed My Soul (by Wings_and_Feet): asheiji; it does have one (consensual) explicit scene, which is important to the plot but can also probably be skipped over if you’re not comfortable reading that; talks about ash’s relationship with food through eiji’s perspective (please be careful with the trigger warnings)

To Sleep; Perchance to Dream (by Wings_and_Feet): asheiji; it’s about ash and eiji’s post-canon life in japan and eiji’s family’s reactions to eiji being ash back home; literally one of my favorite post-canon japan fics ever, it’s soooo good; a lot of hurt/comfort

Pain Management (by Wings_and_Feet): asheiji; discusses ash’s struggles with addiction as a result of his experiences at Club Cod (not elaborating on this cause of the triggering content); i haven’t read many fics that talk about this, so i thought this was really interesting lol (and also it was very well-written)

Just because I love you. (by chaos101): asheiji; ash sickfic combined with ash and eiji talking about the horrible “he’s not your salvation” stuff blanca said to ash; genuinely one of my favorite sickfics ever (although that’s not really entirely the focus of the fanfic but like still)

How to love someone back. (by chaos101): asheiji; i saved the best for last :3; this is a character study of ash and it’s literally one of my favorite fanfics ever – please go read it, it’s so good aksjdke

bonuses :D (these count as bonuses since you requested devastating fics and these are pretty fluffy lol):

What you’ve been waiting for. (by chaos101): professor ash!! this fic is so sweet 🥹 i love it so much, it’s one of my comfort fics

the Childhood at Eighteen series (by armjail): asheiji; these are my other two comfort fics, they’re both so incredibly wholesome 🥹🥹

#woah this took a lot longer than i thought it would #literally spent hours combing through my bookmarks to make this list #also oops this kinda just became a master list of all my favorite fanfics #but anyways i hope you enjoy :3 #there are a lot more amazing fanfics that i couldn’t fit on here #so if you ever want any more recs then i got you 😌#banana fish #asheiji #shorash #and more™️#banana fish fanfiction #fanfic rec #fanfic #ao3

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