#this summer has been a bit shit and SO LONG but we're getting close to the end

[aquickstart]

i need to talk to you guys about the colors of the Cattons (Felix specifically) and Oliver. the clothes they are wearing are telling the story of Oliver taking over and leaving his mark throughout the whole movie, with Oliver's failures and successes and a final triumph. holy shit. get in. this is long and ends in ancient greek culture trivia. let;s talk please.

disclaimer: am starting from Oliver's arrival at Saltburn. before that the outfits are also very intentional, but it's a lot more complicated and it has been discussed before. the world distorts once we are at Saltburn and the story gets truly gothic there, and every detail—including color!—is enhanced in meaning. also, special thanks to @kivlaro for doing this with me, the thoughts on this specifically and the Saltburn craze on the whole. pics and detailed analysis under the cut!

let's start from the beginning. here is Oliver at the door. simple, blue shirt.

the shirt is sort of its own character. logically it makes sense as Oliver's suitcase is small and he spends the whole summer there, of course he'll rewear stuff a bunch. but it is blue.

in contrast to Felix, in yellow. yellow is one of Felix's colors (he is the sun, which i've talked about here btw, so this makes sense).

same to Pamela, in blue. first time we see her, she is next to Elspeth, wearing the color that is Oliver's, taking the place that he takes right away, in this very scene. the only other time she is physically present on screen is at dinner, in black and white, and black and white are a blank slate. she is stripped of color and gone very fast.

a bit of crucial data for later: Oliver, in blue, and Felix in pink. pink is very important on Felix. this is their first morning together. they are separate and opposite, solid, contained.

where it starts to get good is the morning after the vampire strike.

Venetia is a Felix extension, just as everyone in the house is to Oliver. i will eventually rant about Saltburn as a whole entity and Cattons as aspects of one self, and Oliver as psychosis, but not here. so, yes, Venetia is a pink riot, a euphoria of self-containment because Oliver gave her a piece of something she felt she lacked to feel whole (validation, attention, care), not a piece of blue, of himself. Oliver is expectedly solid blue. Felix is incredibly interesting and something i didn't pay much attention to at first: predominantly blue, incredibly upset at Oliver for ditching him, with a tile of bright red (on the left! close to heart! over-reaching here but like still!), which still tracks. i mean, really, if i had so much foreign color bleed into me and then abandoned, i'd be pissed, too. nice little touch is sir James' beloved hydrangeas, behind Felix, also pink, very pink, always pink; i don't think i've seen them blue in the movie, although the sort exists.

Farleigh. sweet baby Farleigh i love you. I'm not dead-set on my interpretation of this specifically but i think multiple things are happening with Oliver and Farleigh here. like Rent, which is their song, blue is their color of outsiders and the triers to fit in. Farleigh points out the favoritism and preference of Oliver to him and his mother here, so it may also be appropriation of color to draw attention to Farleigh as almost (but never quite) Oliver. it may also be as simple as that Farleigh, as much as he denies and resists, still retains Oliver's influence, which bleeds into him very slowly.

a nice little moment of Felix wearing blue swim shorts with just tiny specks of a pink pattern. Oliver's shorts also have a bit of pink, but less than Felix's. Oliver is pretty good at remaining unaffected and uninfluenced overall.

and we're getting to where it all clicked and started for me. the Quick family house, the failed reconciliation, and the immediate aftermath. oh it's so good.

on the drive there, Oliver is blue, Felix has a pink polo shirt with a solid blue pullover over it. this is the most blue Felix has ever been (this is the most blue he will ever be!), this is trust. however shaky and toxic it is, Felix loves Oliver and accepts him into his world. as a side note, Oliver's parents are also very blue, mom more so than dad. nice!

and then it crashes. immediately after, it's the evening of the same day, but Felix is not wearing the blue pullover anymore. this is very, very important. this is rejection. it's the end for Oliver in Felix's world and with his trust. Felix, again, in solid pink, Oliver in solid blue. Felix successfully rips him out with the roots and everything. ouch.

daddy. sorry. is that highlighter? sweat? fuck. let me- daddy. SORRY

no i actually have a point about this.

the clothes are replaced by the lights, but we roll with it. Oliver basks in the blue-green light, while Felix is on the other side, in pink and purple and red. sure, blue shines through, and Oliver also walks through the slashes of pink, but it is mostly pretty separate, Oliver watching Felix's pink in his own blue from a distance.

the morning after palette is deep. the wine color that is so prominent in these scenes is fascinating to me. if i were to over-reach again i'd say it's the Oliver in Felix's attributes and in his place that requires the robe to be so dark, not usual definite pink, because deep blue has leaked into the color itself, mixed with it, made itself integral to the shade. but it's also just a nice color, and it is pink in its core. the flowers (with sir James in the background) i think are also this specific shade for the same reason. you look at what remains of Felix everywhere here, and it is his color.

and finally oh the lunch scene. the last supper. the judgement day. the who's afraid of virginia woolf madness.

i think we've established what's up with Oliver, but i also think it's important that he is his own color at lunch but in Felix's pink/wine right before and after. lunch is where he attacks, whereas before and after is where he grieves and enjoys. Farleigh is almost completely blue save for a strip of the same deep pink, and he is soon cast out, and Venetia is striped, blue and pink/salmon, affected deeply by Oliver yet still clinging on to the Catton pink with grief, probably, but also love for Felix.

and after all this, Oliver leaves himself.

no, like, actually, literally himself. sure, he'd got a taste of the Cattons and the pink, but he is a monolith, a solid blue when he leaves Saltburn. he has not been affected by the house, he has taken what he wanted but stayed true and whole. what a power move, honestly.

but it's an even bigger deal that 16 years later, Elspeth runs into Oliver wearing all white and a blue scarf. oh, she's not let this go, alright; it was a long time ago, "but not to me," she says. What Oliver has been up to in that time is a great question, without a doubt he's been keeping tabs on the remaining family as much as he could; but Elspeth has never moved on, either. She has held on to Oliver's blue and the pink is not important at all now. Oliver, of course, is invariably, unwaveringly blue. welcome back to his show.

and welcome back to his triumph.

the only color (except for, again, white and black) we see him wear in the flashback about Saltburn inheritance is the all-too familiar deep pink. wine. bright pink mixed with deep blue.

now i will take a liberty and step back, over-reach, over-interpret and go insane. here's a fun bit on ancient greek culture trivia for you.

this is an interesting and complicated historiographical and linguistic debate that i will not even attempt to relay here, but the essence of it is this: for us, the sea is conventionally deep blue. historically, one of the most prominent civilizations considered "deep wine" to be the descriptor for it (not necessarily the color but the property. highly rec to look this up it's so fascinating). what it gives me here is that Oliver has changed color, but not his self. he has integrated, mixed, but persisted, completely winning over, triumphing. long live the king!

in conclusion, i would just like to propose "colors" by halsey as the next cattonquick anthem. thank you for your attention, please let me know your thoughts. yours, yes, you. cheers. god. peace out

[noira-l]

Just the Two of Us

chapter summary: a nice summer day, just what you needed... why is Satoru looking at you like that?

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader

wc: 6,6k

warnings: fluff, slightly kinda suggestive?, blind to love, slight mentioning of sexual activity, spoilers (manga, anime, movie).

author's note: a pleasent day with satoru that is definitly not in love, you are definitly just his "partner", and he definitly don't want to kiss you ;*

s.masterlist

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐 '𝐖𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐫(𝐞)𝐚𝐤𝐞'

Satoru yawned with fatigue. It was his 3rd day without sleep, during these miserable days: he had pursued the curse that kept eluding him, solved the problem of the cursed object locked in the wall of the mountain, and additionally travelled half the country to find the cursed womb that was registered, to his misfortune it arrived as it hatched and he had to fight it.

All he dreamt about now, was going to bed and get some sleep.

"Why did you stop, Ijichi?" he asked, tipping his head to glance in his direction. Satoru was now on his way home, the road was getting awfully long, it was late at night, and besides, Ijichi didn't seem to be in much of a hurry.

"We have to wait for someone," he announced in a trembling voice. He still didn't know if this was a good idea, he hadn't been given official orders from above, and yet he obeyed. Satoru furrowed his brow in astonishment.

"If anyone would like to see me, have them make an appointment with my secretary, preferably after I've slept a bit. I'm not in the mood for it" he was getting weary and it was no surprise to anyone. Maybe he could get out of this car before this person arrived?

Suddenly, he heard the boot open and immediately afterwards, someone forcefully opened the door. shit, too late.

"Hello Satoru~" you said in a cheerful voice getting into the car with your backpack. You glanced at his face. "Surprised to see me?" you asked.

You knew that this nightly sneaking out could have serious consequences, but at that moment, you totally didn't give a damn.

"Quite a lot." he replied "What do I honour this visit with? Higher-ups have sent us on missions again? How wonderful" his voice was tired, but still gravelly and bored to the point of pain. Looking at him, you are unable to tell how many days he has been without sleep.

"Well not this time." you replied "We're going on holiday." you said it with a smile, as if it wasn't you at all.

"Ee- what?" he probably couldn't have been more confused. He was too tired to process it.

"You hear right." you started to pull something out of your backpack "Ijichi, to the train station!" you said it quite loudly. Gojo didn't know if he was dreaming or already hallucinating, it had been a long time since he had seen you so happy. A packet of sweets appeared in your hand, you reached out, to hand it to him with a sly smile.

Apparently that was enough to make Satoru shut up and focus his attention on something other than complaining. He was tired enough that he didn't want to pursue the subject. And your presence made him go on autopilot and not care about anything as long as you were close and full of strength.

You knew the mission was hard for him, especially as he was silent the whole way to the station, eating the sweets you had bought him. All the way from the station to the small village where you had a rented a cottage, Satoru slept, resting his head on your shoulder. When you got off, you just had to drag him with your luggage for some time, but you managed to endure it.

He really was like a child sometimes, you stated as you opened the door and threw your luggage on the floor. It took about 20 minutes before you'd got your head around everything, in which Gojo managed to slide off the couch you'd arranged him on. Fortunately, all that was left was to put him to bed, which you had done more than once, you had experience of managing him in his almost dead-sleeping state when he returned from a mission. This activity, without you being surprised, took the least amount of time. You both found yourselves in your pyjamas, snuggled together on a nice and cool bed.

----

Satoru was slightly awake, not wanting to open his eyes, he started to adjust the pillow under his head. He tried to arrange it a few times, each time it didn't work out the way he wanted this pillow doesn't arrange like the ones I bought last year.

Then it dawned on him that he wasn't in his bed. He opened his crystal blue eyes to looked around the room. It was definitely not his bedroom. He furrowed his brow, lifting himself off the pillow completely, finally connecting the dots in his head and remembering what had happened.

You took him on holiday. That much he managed to remember.

After his morning visit in toilet, he head to the kitchen, following a pleasantly sweet smell.

There you stood, in a summer dress he had never seen before, arranging various desserts and many types of sweet bread on a large, decorated tray.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?" you sensed his presence immediately, besides you also heard him going to the bathroom.

The white-haired man looked around the kitchen and the connected dining room. Everything was clean, neat, well decorated, you could feel the atmosphere of the countryside and the remoteness from the city. This house looked like one where one could truly relax.

"Well, I finally got some sleep. This chasing of curses is such a pain." he sighed straightening his limbs after sleeping.

Just then you put the trays of baked goods on the table "I'm glad, I asked my friend to buy us fresh baked goods in the morning, I didn't think he would bring so many." you giggled clearly embarrassed. That's not what I had in mind, when I asked him for variety.

Satoru sat down on a chair, crossing his legs. ''And why are we even here? Not that I'm complaining, I'm happy when my wife visits me at work and then takes me out into unfamiliar territory when I'm practically asleep...but it's not in your style."

You sighed as you poured portions of fresh juice into your glasses. He's been calling you his wife more and more lately, and you wonder if this is getting under one of his taunts.

"I've decided we need a holiday. Both of us. Away from everything for a while." you said putting your glasses on the table.

"Megumi?" he looked concerned.

"With Shoko" you answered. Satoru noded in understanding.

"Back to the topic. It's well known if we're gone for a long time, the world will come crashing down after all, so I told the higher-ups that we're just going on a weekend of well-deserved rest." Satoru started laughing, your head turned towards him.

"You're joking. They'll probably find out now by questioning Ijichi where we are." he took one of the baked goods in his hand. As soon as he bit into it a wave of flavour spread over his tongue. Wonderful.

"Well no, I payed them a visit myself." you sat down close to him, he reached for his glass at the time "I expressed my opinions on some things and said we were going on holiday." Satoru listened intently unable to believe a bit of what he was hearing. Since when did you stop being so conciliatory?

"Of course, they didn't agree at first. Stubborn, old fools." you mumble the last part "For two days of our absence, the world won't collapse, come on." you took a cupcake yourself "Besides, I said that if they tried to stop us, their walls would have a new, more hmm.. purple colour." you bit into the baked goods and he almost choked on his juice.

Are you capable of such things? Yes, you are, he knew that. He knew you enough to also know, that you avoid such solutions and consider them a last resort. Unlike him.

"I'm sick and tired of them bossing us all the time, treating us like their property. If you wanted to, you could smash them with one finger and you wouldn't even break a sweat, they know it well, and yet, we let them get on our heads too much." you drank a glass of your juice.

Satoru was still silent, his eyes glancing once at you and then another sweet roll on the tray. You're probably right, he's been more stressed lately, the pressure is overwhelming, it's taking its toll on your relationship. It spoils the blood not only for him, but also for you, who also have to deal with them when he's not around. Although it doesn't matter now, these two days should pretty much reset him, bringing him back to his open to fun and confident self.

Damn. He is indeed too serious lately.

Fortunately, here with you, he can relax and let himself be carried away by the programme you have planned for him, because he knew you had something planned. You handled such things well, unlike him. His speciality was spontaneity and unscripted decisions.

"So what's the agenda for today, sweetie?" he said while shoving another sweet roll into himself, not wanting to pursue the uncomfortable topic any further. It was his sixth roll somehow.

"I'll explain. A friend of mine is coming over in an hour or so, he's going to give us bikes and we're going to ride around, I've got a couple of spots we might like. And tomorrow we will go to the hot springs and then I have a surprise planned for you." you replied with a wide smile pleased with the plan. Gojo was happy with it too. "I want to have fun." you smiled to yourself.

"So a bike tour, huh? Just don't complain if I leave you behind or your legs hurt, we both know I'm faster." another cupcake was in his hand. who makes such yummy food?

"I have one more thing for you, a request actually."

"Hm?" he paused devouring a sweet roll to look at you. His white hair were still messy and his crystal eyes aroused, from the amount of sugar he had consumed. There was frosting from the baked goods at the corner of his mouth, and scattered crumbs on his bare chest and belly.

Does he always have to look captivating in all conditions?

"This trip is because we both need a break from our duties. And this trip is primarily for you, Satoru.'' he looked at you as if you were a freak, and it was him that the strawberry filling fell on his stomach.

"Duh~ Of course even the strongest need a break. They think this perfection keeps itself going?" he said scooping the filling from his skin with his finger, licking the contents as soon as he put his finger around his mouth.

"Please listen." you looked at him seriously "This holiday is not because 'the strongest needs a break', no." You got up from your chair and quickly walked over to the linen bag hanging on the chair, pulling something out of it and tucking it behind your back, walking over to him again. "This trip is because Satoru needs a break." you stood next to him, placing your hand on the back of the chair behind him.

Your other hand revealed a pair of round, dark, blue tinted glasses.

You both knew what those glasses were. They had belonged to him back in his high school days, the exact pair you had once taken from him during training as a trophy for beating him in melee training. Six eyes was shocked when you knocked him to the ground. You used trickery of course, but you didn't set the rules, so the prize was yours. Now he's surprised too, at how good a condition they're in, and that you kept them at all.

You found them recently in one of the boxes you were afraid to look in, because all the stuff from your dorm was there, including Suguru's stuff. But you'd been cleaning recently and decided you should finally do something with it. That's where you noticed the pair of glasses that were lying right on top. There were some other things besides, but you didn't pay any attention to them anymore. These glasses reminded you so much of the good old days, that you just stood there for a few minutes in thought, simply holding them in your hands. They reminded you of all the beautiful moments, hardships and fun you had as a teenager, even though you spent most of your time with Suguru, Gojo also fulfilled some small role in your life back then - when he wasn't teasing you - of course.

It dawned you. That's right! Fun! You closed the cabinet, taking only that item, running to your computer to start planning everything.

"So for the duration of this trip, I'd like you to be exclusively yourself. Not 'the strongest', not 'Six Eyes', not 'the greatest sorcerer of modern era'. No. Please." he parted his lips slightly, his face expressing a lot of emotion as you put your glasses on his nose.

"Just be Satoru. That's all you need to be for me." a gentle smile dawned on your face.

You glanced at him from a little further away. "Look at you, you haven't changed a bit." you brushed his hair with your hand gently. Indeed, he looked the same as he did in his school days, only his boyish features had matured over time. Those are still the same blue eyes that made you dizzy, whenever you tried to focus and glance deeply into them. You noticed something.

Why is he blushing?

Why does his face look like that?

After a long moment, in which his eyes completely failed to leave yours, he burst out laughing. He corrected himself in his chair, at the same time putting his foot back on the floor.

In one swift movement, his hands grasped your figure, making you sit sideways on his lap. His face moved dangerously close to yours, one of his hands was on your back, the other on your exposed thigh.

What is he doing?

You were surprised at how easily he was able to seat you and with what gentleness his arms embrace you. His hand moved from your thigh to his nose, as he lowered his glasses to look at you. His eyes literally scanned yours, your bewildered face beginning to take on colour, a little more and that deeply hidden blush would come out into the world.

"Only if this miserable girl from my class joins me too, heh." his shit-eating grin made you hot. Your heartbeat drowned out your thoughts for a moment.

Wait - what did he call you?

You gave him a gentle nudge, standing up from him, pouting.

"Idiot."

His retch filled the silence completely.

----

The forest through which you passed seemed endless. Beautiful colours surrounded you all over. The perfect weather only accentuated them. You drove a little uphill the mountains, sun peeking out from behind the leaves, leaving glowing glimpses on the forest road.

Satoru was riding ahead of you, not holding the steering wheel with his hands at all. His legs holding the bike frame were enough for him. You wondered if he was even looking at the road, he had his phone in his hand, playing some kind of mobile game. Occasionally he would stop with a squeal of brakes, to take a picture of what was a nicer bit of terrain. The real revelation was, when he spotted a bird playing with a stick a few good metres away; you didn't notice it, but he had his eyes and a pretty good zoom on his camera.

However, you had been on straight road for a while, so his full attention was focused on the phone. You came up with a slightly crazy idea. You made sure that your backpack and the contents of your basket were well secured, and then you started to speed up rapidly. You passed him very quickly. When you were in his line of sight, you showed him your tongue and continued your fast ride far ahead of him.

He quickly tucked the phone away, you had caught his attention enough, that he saw your haste as a challenge.

You don't know how long it took you to race him. You could say that you quite matched his pace, overtaking him every now and then, or he was gaving you a head start, there was that option too. You didn't want to let go too easily, although you were slowly running out of strength, you were glad that your cursed energy was helping a bit with that. Sometimes he tried to disturb you, for example: trying to poke your cheek, he had long enough arms to reach easily. You did not remain indebted to him, by trying to ride close enough to him, that you had to step back slightly.

This situation was no different. You overtook him again, this time quite a bit, you turned around when you noticed that he didn't manage to overtake you. His smile was the same one you remembered from the better days of your high school. His whole look was practically the same, you're sure it's a matter of those glasses.

Was he the same? It was hard to tell. You thought for a bit and stopped looking at the road.

Quickly turning your head to notice a pretty big turn. Really close to you.

“Shi-” you had already prepared for the fact that you might fall off a cliff. You already wanted to use your technique, when suddenly something pulled you back with considerable power. Your back hit something. The white-haired man pulled you towards him with the whole bike, a couple of meters away from the turn, completely stopping you in the process.

“Did you just use your blue on me?” you asked, quite shocked.

He answered you nothing and silence, you couldn't read his smile. Without a word, he rode quickly away from you gaining a murderous pace, ringing his bike bell cheerfully in the process.

----

A shadow perfectly enveloped your figures as you sat down by a tree together to rest for a while. Satoru asked for moments to pause, wearing his old glasses, while pleasant and nostalgic, put him into a slight migraine overtime. Though he didn't want to admit it to you, you knew him well enough by now to wordlessly hand him banages from his backpack with a slight smile.

He accepted the material, wrapped them around his eyes, giving him a long sigh of relief. He was truly grateful to you for understanding his needs, giving him a moment's pause whenever he needed it. He put the cloth over his eyes, closing them and trying to fight the migraine that was slowly growing inside him. He concentrated for the moment on his own thoughts, which were mainly focused on you. Were you always so caring? No wonder Megumi came to you more often with most of his needs.

The minutes passed at a fast pace, for that, his migraine refused to pass so quickly. He was replaying some memories in his head that had just flown by. He didn't even notice when he started to fall asleep, surrounded by the hum and soothing gusts of wind and the pleasant scent of nature.

----

He was awakened by a gentle nudge from something near his leg. Satoru opened his eyes and looked quickly at the scene before him. You sat down in front of him, still with the same soothing smile. When you noticed that you had woken him up by accident, you put your hand on his leg, muttering a quiet "sorry''. He noticed you were tinkering with something, by the fact that were sitting a piece away, with your back to him, he was unable to notice what, he was too sleepy for that.

Satoru took off his banages completely, depositing them in the backpack beside him, and in one efficient movement put his glasses on his nose. His migraine had stopped finally, he felt extremely relaxed and rested.

The view was beautiful, the picturesque fields and mountains seemed endless. For moments he stared at the white clouds, absorbing his six eyes with this view, waiting for you to finish working on something. Which you did literally moments later turning to face him, draping the fruit of your labour behind your back.

"I have something for you." you said. The smile wasn't coming off your face today, usually you were much more serious, thoughtful and even sometimes sad, in contrast to him, he was never serious, thoughtful or sad. At least that's what he tried to pretend. Today was different though, today he didn't have to pretend his happiness even a little bit.

"A gift. For me? You spoil me completely today." he chuckled with his confident smile, simultaneously interested in what she had prepared for him.

"Close your eyes." without thinking, he followed your command with his smile. He listened as you moved closer to him, he even felt your touch on his leg again, when you needed a gentle support. Your hands moved closer to his face. He felt something on his head, a very gentle weight, barely perceptible.

"You can open now." So he did, which was met with the sight of you taking a picture of him.

"Wait a minute, that's what you pay for! Do you know how many people want a photo with that georgous face?" he reached out to take the phone from your hands, you responded by giving the phone behind you as much as you could. This light-hearted tug-of-war didn't last long, at least not until out of the corner of his eye he noticed the screen with the photo you'd taken earlier. He moved away in amazement.

A crown of flowers? And not just any crown, you could see the craftsmanship of its creation, the blue and white flowers matched himperfectly. He also noticed, that there was another one lying next to you, with flowers perfectly matched to you.

Without thinking much, he took it in his hands and placed it on your head, just as you had done before. Satoru tried to hide the blush that appeared on his pale cheeks, again this day. For that, you hiding your blush and sweet sigh proved to be impossible. Not when your heart was suddenly beating harder, you didn't quite understand why again. Perhaps it was the fact that Satoru slid his hands along your cheeks, gently stroking them with his thumbs, gazing at you intensely with his sparkling blue eyes. You put your phone down.

Definitely Gojo Satoru was enchanted by the sight. The sight of you flushed cheeks, slightly parted lips and beautiful eyes. You are so mesmerising. The thought crossed his mind that he wanted to keep such a sight of you just for himself.

So this is what Suguru must had seen every day.

He froze, letting go of your face. You glanced at him confused.

Ah yes, one of that thoughts.

You were Suguru Geto's girlfriend in your high school days. You were his best friend's girlfriend. Totally in love with each other, inseparable, always together. Satoru remembered it perfectly. He will never get out of his memory when you came to school together, at first as friends, you and Suguru were already inseparable. He knew that you both came from the same village. It was hard not to notice how condescending, affectionate and absolutely in love with you Suguru was. At least Gojo noticed it right away, you didn't necessarily. His best friend finally dared to confess his feelings to you one day and so you became a couple. The world's most oversweetened, loved, adorable, romatic couple. The amount of this love made Satoru want to vomit. Geto mentioned more than once that he wanted to marry you right after you graduated.

Oh, how fate can be twisted.

After the incident of star plasma vessel, even you were unable to save him. He knew that you tried but failed, he is sure that you are still blaming yourself to this day. The amount of pain the raven-haired man caused both of you was indescribable.

Still, Satoru couldn't get the thought out of his head that he was somehow betraying his best friend by being with you like this. You were Suguru's girlfriend. What is he doing here with you under such circumstances?

Well, that's right - you were.

Suguru was long gone, he knew that. You hadn't been with him for a long time. He broke your heart. He knew, he wasn't coming back. And yet, out of sentiment and out of some strange sense of duty, that one conversation had brought out of him, where the raven-haired had asked him to take care of you, as if something had happened to him. Satoru seems to have taken it too much to heart: by taking care of you for years, befriending you, marrying you and falling in love.

You were his wife now.

You went on dates with others, when you hadn't yet convinced yourselves as much. Everything around you and him screamed that you had come to terms with the situation. Although it took a long time, you had succeeded. He loved him too, in a way. You, in a slightly different way, even though he rarely admits it.

How could he think you had no feelings for him? He didn't know himself. At some point, he had already stopped deceiving himself, when he glanced at the obvious evidence you had substituted for him.

Heck! You even ended up with him for your fifth anniversary. He never felt so good in his life. He is He was asbolutely in love with you, that moment and that feeling. He could be with you like that every day. He wanted to feel vulnerable again, weak and absolutely susceptible to your touch and every feeling you evoke in him.

But he couldn't. He would have fallen impetuously into your arms long ago, for all the years you spent together, for every thing you did for him and taught him. He was so grateful to you.

But...he couldn't. Every time there come situations at which his heart begins to sing, there is also an image of you and his friend together - happy, in love.

And he felt like the total garbage of a person, when he experienced similar feelings with you.

Not because of you, but because of his sense of duty and the awkwardness of the situation. If you continue, as you are now, he will find it hard to control himself. He will end up clingy again, like on your memorable anniversary, and won't be able to stop. Really funny thoughts, considering how close to each other you really are.

Satoru moved away from you, leaning against the tree again.

"Do you miss him sometimes?" You weren't able to hide your confusion when you saw how he completely changed his tone and mood in a second. He removed the crown from his head.

He had to be sure.

"Who?" you asked, not knowing what had suddenly sprung to his mind. He just sighed, looking to the side. "I don't know what you're talking about, Satoru, I'm not sitting in the inside your head." You really hoped this wasn't going to be some kind of argument, that would ruin the good vibe you were so desperate to maintain.

"Him. I'm talking about him, (Y/N)." finally the cogs in your head came together. You sign.

"Ugh, do we really need to talk about him? I don't want to spoil the good times with you." you said laying down entirely on the blanket with a disgruntled expression, you closed your eyes. "I haven't thought about him like this in years, I want to keep the streak."

A long moment of silence passed before you spoke up "..but I've been thinking a lot about you, Satoru." The corners of your mouth lifted. He needs to calm down, he's an adult now and he blushes as often as a teenager.

You lay in silence with your eyes closed, trying to chase all unnecessary thoughts out of your head, repeating to yourself that you should focus on the here and now. You're not going to change the past, there's no point living in it.

After a while you felt movement on the blanket, you opened your eyes slowly, only to see his face above you, he was leaning with one hand over you, the other stroking your cheek. His crystal blue eyes were watching you again. He ran his thumb over, hooking the corner of your lips, making you part them. Why did you even let him do such things? You had stopped asking yourself that question for some time. It seemed somehow unnecessary to you.

"I've been thinking a lot too…" his gaze focused on your parted lips and the uneven breathing that was beginning to build in you, he moved closer.

"...and what were you thinking about?" you said it so quietly that it might as well have been a whisper. You also put your hand on his cheek. Warm, you thought, and noticed too. You looked at his lips.

He pressed his thumb against your lip making you bite down slightly. His hand moved from your face, down your neck, to your collarbone, eventually ending up as a support for him, right next to your head. He was even closer.

"I think I want to keep racing with you." His nose rubbed against yours, playfully, he began smiling goofily again.

Then he rose and stood up, as if he hadn't just given you a heart attack, shaking the remnants of grass off himself while putting on his backpack.

"So, shall we go?" his tone was the same as ever, he had already started to walk towards the bike, as you continued to lie on the blanket, blushing feeling some sort of need that had built up somewhere down.

----

The day was enjoyable.

You rode a bike, took beautiful photographs, had a picnic in a large meadow full of flowers. Just the nice calming things.

Satoru was surprisingly calm until your return home. That was odd. He still radiated a smile, but it was different. Usually he was broad, sometimes arrogant and confident, at times teasing, but this one was smaller, calmer. More affectionate, as if he was smiling half-cheekedly.

His eyes did not leave your side. Which was not new to you, he has a habit of following you around like a stray cat, crying for your attention. Now, however, it was not like that. He just stared, still smiling, responding calmly. Well, maybe not always, because when you were playing Mahjong in the bedroom, he was a bit in over his head, at certain points.

"I can't understand how you win in this game." You scratched your head while glancing at the board. The white tiles were arranged in patterns.

"And I can't understand how you can cook so well. What you prepared today was delicious." he moved the tile on the board.

It was quite late in the evening. A warm summer rain was falling outside the window, irrigating the fields of crops and plants. The sound of soft bells was barely audible from where you were. The two of you were sitting in the bedroom, opposite each other, at an undersized table, drinking tea that you had brewed quite a while ago in a small, decorative teapot. It wasn't long before you had dinner; before heading home, you managed to visit a small farmers' market near the centre of town. You bought all the ingredients and made it into something from an old recipe you got from someone you knew back in middle school.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." you smiled slightly. The image of him devouring the dish you had prepared always touched your heart in some way. Especially since Satoru, never spared a comment describing the wonderfulness of the dish you had cooked.

"When we get home, please make it again, I think Megumi will be pleased too." his gaze stopped on the piece you had just selected.

"You just did a stupid thing." his voice was quite calm. You analyse a bit.

"I still don't know how to play this game." You paused for a moment from making a move to reach for the teapot and pour yourself some tea. His hands overtook you, lifting the teapot and pouring the hot liquid directly into your porcelain. You thanked him quietly, enjoying his kind gesture.

"Mahjong is a Chinese game, it's possible you might not have known it, it's not so often played in our country." He put down the teapot to the stand, returning his gaze to your face.

"I am not surprised by its presence in this house, even the porcelain we drink from comes from China. So is the owner." You glanced at his cup to see if you should pour it for him too, but the cup was almost full.

"How did you meet him?" he raised his hand to take a sip of cooling tea. You were surprised at how gracefully he does it, as if he has a habit of manners. We're talking about the same Satoru who sometimes played with his food, along with Tsumiki.

"I exorcised the curse that tormented his brother's house not far away. As a token of gratitude for saving his life, he said I could use his summer house. So I did. Although I really resisted it at first, I didn't want him to feel indebted to me. As it turned out, this is a man who feels indebted if he doesn't return the favour."

You pulled the night dressing gown tighter over your body. His blue irises fixed on the board.

"You always take care of others." he said it as if more to himself.

"It's my duty, besides, I like doing it." You lifted your cup up. He continued to stare at the white tiles on the board.

"How did you learn to play Mahjong?" you asked him, the cup clattering against the stand. He signed.

"When I was young, I played this game with one of my teachers." Satoru turned the plate in his hands, examining it from all sides.

"What was his name? What did he teach you?" the white-haired one said nothing for a long moment.

"I don't remember his name or where he came from. My teachers changed quite quickly, no one would stay to teach me for longer. My skills developed rapidly." A white plate rose up in front of his nose, began to rotate by his blue force, and he continued, "I remember him teaching me object control. In the beginning, he showed it to me on the tiles from Majhong, which is why I learned." The tile began to fall, and he caught it in flight. You began to wonder.

"Is there a teacher you particularly remember?" you wanted to find out a bit more about. It seemed pleasant to you, personal enough to get to know him at the same time, but distant enough to be safe.

"No."

"You haven't managed to build a relationship with anyone?" you asked softly, trying to catch his gaze, which was still fixed on the piece in his hand.

"No. My needs changed quite quickly, as did the people around me." he replied dryly, his uncovered eyes expressing more emotion than tone of voice.

You knew that Satoru had been pampered from a young age, spoilt, honoured, he had been so special that everyone had done everything possible to ensure he was looked after in the best possible way.

You were at the headquarters of his clan, you experienced the assessing gaze that measured your worth equally with your strength level. Satoru had the most of it.

You knew he had had a difficult childhood, it wasn't hard to guess. What you sometimes managed to forget through his playful and confident nature, was how lonely he was from the start. You weren't surprised at how much he was affected by his best friend leaving. And now, despite this knowledge, you shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't bond with most of the people he's met. Since he had always been put on a pedestal, it was hard for him to look for commonalities in people or look at their worth, regardless of strength. You experienced this yourself from his side. After spending years with him, you are able to conclude that he has changed that a bit in himself. This does not change the fact that it came with great effort on his part. He is a diffrent man, but still alone with his strenght.

"It must have been lonely." voice betrayed your thoughts, as did the compassion that slipped from your gaze.

Satoru rose from his seat. Instinctively, you reached out to grab him. Afraid that you somehow hurt him. You said something wrong, didn't you? You didn't manage to grab his hand, you were already about to start apologising to him, but he circled the table and found himself sitting on the floor, close to you, hugging you and pressing your head against his chest.

"Satoru? What are you doing?" you lifted your gaze to find his eyes staring at you.

"You said that when you are sad, sometimes instead of saying something I should hug you." his voice was so sincere, open in a way. You smiled slightly, surprised that he didn't understand.

"That wasn't…" he pressed you tighter against him, suppressing your urge to correct what you meant. You embraced him too, putting your arms around his waist and laying your head on his shoulder. You chuckled.

It finally clicked in your head why he did what he did. You couldn't hold back a smile.

You laughed in your soul, at how often you wonder if his touch is typically friendly, caused by years spent together, or if there is something more behind it. Knowing that his touch sometimes put you in a palette of different emotions.

Constantly reminding yourself that by definition you are friends, nothing more, was becoming increasingly difficult for you. Maybe because it was becoming more and more of a lie. At least on your part, you no longer knew how to look at him as a person with whom you only shared a bed and goals. You no longer knew, how to look at him other than as your partner. Hiding it often worked out terribly for you, so you stopped. You didn't want to hold yourself back anymore.

That was your situation. You knew Satoru wasn't the best at expressing his feelings. Often in difficult situations, he falls silent, doesn't know what to do, freezes in place. So you just give him time until he comes to you on his own sometimes. And when he comes, you hold him all the time, promising not to let go.

You are happy that he came to you with this kind gesture.

Even if you think his intentions are different from yours.

"If you want a hug, just do it, anytime, 'Toru." you started stroking his hair, the way he likes it best. You felt his body relax under your touch. White curls escaped through your fingers, soft and pleasant to the touch.

"I'm not surprised you're losing, your positioning is wrong. It's no fun, when you don't even know how to play." he said in his normal voice, then with an efficient movement he planted you between his legs, facing the board. He reached with his long arm for the tea cup on the other side and placed it next to yours.

He pulled you closer to the table, put his head on your shoulder and began to teach you, showing you, explaining everything. He made his movements in game using his power and you listened bravely and attentively to what he was saying. Although it was quite difficult when sometimes he nuzzled into your neck more, tickling you and distracting you with his warm breath.

That day, despite the obstacles, you learned to play Mahjong.

© noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission.

[wilsons-three-legged-siamese]

another fic of mine woah 😩

fandom; house md

can be interpreted as non slah or slah between house/wilson

summery; wilson is dying, being taken care of a person. but wilson cant remember who they are.

word count; 1.3k

tw; major character death.

a/n: i dont have ao3 so it shall not be put up on there. if it is notify me, ill say if i have given permission as if someone asks i probably will say yes.

this was based on the song "rises the moon - liana flores"

rises the moon.

days seem sometimes as if they'll never end.

its august. the 20th if we're being exact. coming to the close of summer and the opening of autumn, usually being my favourite time of the year. cozy sweaters, warm socks and scarfs, the perfect weather. usually sunny with a nice breeze. well, i wish i could enjoy it. instead, im stuck in bed, my breathing laboured and my body shaking. though, this year, summer was my favourite.. june. i really enjoyed that, when i could walk without aid and just, enjoy life. ever since mid july, ive been deteriorating quicker than an abandoned building, which has been agonising. i want the pain to go away, please. it hurts..

but i dont want to die.

from the bedroom, i hear the singing voice again, a soothing melody. their voice smooth and deep. i sigh softly, it being a sort of comfort for me, knowing at least someone was there and i wasn't alone. their humming and muffled singing drowns out the continuous beeping of the heart monitor besides me. they had stolen the machine after faking being ill in a walk-in clinic, once the doctor had done to complain to the dean about them being an ass, they smuggled the monitor and brought it back. the good ol' days hm? that day was probably the most ive complained and laughed for a long, long time.

a mass than sat on the bed, the weight shifting slightly on the mattress. i ket out an involuntary groan, my back being slightly unsupported.

"hey, i made some broth for you.. its 1, and i think you should at least try and drink it for me," they murmured.

the bowl, of what i assume was broth, was set down on the small table besides me. soon enough, long, lanky arms were wrapped around my middle, gently pulling me up to sit up. wait.. what time did they say again.. 1 was it? only.. 1?

the sun digs its heels to taunt you.

the rim of the bowl was scarcely pressed to my lips, the bowl being slightly hot. i signal them to tip it a little so i can take a sip. and so i do. and holy shit..

thats fucking amazing.

the warm, soupy liquid runs down my throat, a sort of feeling i dont get that often, especially being warm. the way he flavours mix together is phenomenal, the spices and the subtle beef. its flavourful, but not enough to freak my taste buds out, which happens all too often now.

"is it okay?" they ask, their voice soft and gentle.

i hum with a slight nod.

but after sunlit days, one thing stays the same:

rises the moon.

days fade into a watercolour blur.

its been.. maybe a week? my sense of time is so off, it could be a week for a few days.. lets say its been a few days - to make me feel better. im now slipping in and out of consciousness, which is concerning in itself. i dont know how long im out for at a time. theyve been becoming more and more worried about me. i mean, there was always an elephant in the room, hell even when i was first diagnosed. but, the elephant has been growing larger and larger than before, making it hard to ignore. we have to adress it sometime.

but its hard to breathe.

then im awoken by a coughing fit.

it shakes my whole body, racking everything as i shut my eyes tight, desperately trying not to wake them up behind me. but, of course they woke up, they always do. i tried to savour the two, lanky but muscular arms around my abdomen, as they were warm and comforting, but soon, all i could feel was pain.

"are you okay?" they ask, their voice still a bit groggy from sleep.

i hum, my voice still hoarse even though i barely made a sound.

this just reminds me of them, i swear something to do with an infarction to the leg. but i cant quite remember.. or remember them.. their face is slightly recognisable, but not by a lot at all. my memorys been wracked up.. pisses me off, i wanna know whos caring for me. i wanna thank them, using their name, recogising their face.

memories swim up and haunt me.

"hmm.. mm!" i hum, trying to catch their attention.

they run over, quickly turning me on my side and holding the bucket to my mouth. i start to cry as i retch, vomiting harshly into the bucket, they rub my back gently, mumbling words of encouragement and reassurance softly to me. finally, i stop. glancing down at the small puddle of bile and saliva, i frown slightly.

look into the lake, shimmering like smoke.

i look into their eyes. my, coffee like brown into their, ocean like blue. scared and helpless meet concerned and determined. they run their skinny, pianist fingers through my frail hair. they always wanted to care for me, secretly.

rises the moon.

"close your weary eyes, i promise you that soon the autumn comes to darken faded summer skys." they pause for a moment. "breathe, breathe, breathe."

almost immediately after hearing that, i start to cry, just a full on breakdown. they quickly embrace me, wrapping their arms around my middle. i dig my face into theit shoulder, tears still rolling down my pastey cheeks. its nice.

oh to be hugged like this again.

days pull you down just like a sinking ship.

its been a day? maybe.. i dunno anymore. it might've been 2, 3, 4 a week, who knows - not me thats fot sure. it might be september now, i last remember it was august, that seems like yesterday. them, my carer, whatever, i dont know their name anymore. i dont know who they are, i cant see.. its all blurry and fuzzy, so is my memory. i cant remember the last time i ate..

floating is getting harder.

"im sorry.." they mumble, their voice snapping me out of my thoughts - though it was barely above a whisper.

their thin fingers run through my hair again, gently letting it fall between the gaps and repeating.

oh, i forgot to mention, i also cant speak.. or breathe for that matter. i think the tumor - or tumors more like - have begun to press against my trachea and esophagus, making his hard to both eat and breathe. wheezing has become a normal, daily routine.

considering my condition,

i have tonight,

and thats it.

because of my fate, i keep repeating a phrase i once said to a child as they went through chemo. they had no parents, i was the best thing they had..

but thread the water, child, and know that meanwhile: rises the moon.

days pull you up just like a daffodil.

its the next day, i think. its really hard to just think. the weezings gotten worse, i feel awful, like horrendous. its awful... maybe i am ready to die. i can just subtly feek them holding my fraile hand, stroking their thumb over my knuckles. only barely. im scared, terrified more like. i dont even know who they are, but im scared for them.. they'll miss me definitely. what will they do when im gone? i dont know..

uprooted from its garden.

once again, i feel consciousness slip from underneath me. which is normal, very. but this wasn't normal.. i could still hear.

"they'll tell you what you owe," they mumble. "but know even so, rises the moon."

i try to smile, a small twinge of my lips. but nothing happens. i try to tell them i love them, but again, nothing happens.

"you'll be visited by sleep. i promise that the autumn comes to steal away each dream you keep." they choke back a sob.

"breathe, breathe, breathe." houses voice sobs.

they're house.

but its too late to tell him i love him.

[kritischetheologie]

eagerly awaiting the next instalment of the ultimatum au

previously, in episode 6, back when it was still summer, the trial marriages came to an end.

Episode 7: Trial Marriages--Original Partners

By now, Jenson is used to Nico slinking back to him covered in bite marks and bruises. They move together into another Netflix-anonymous apartment, indistinguishable from the one where he'd lived with Lando, and Nico fills the closet with his clothes without asking. It hadn't bothered Jenson when they'd lived together before. He'd been ready to marry Nico. It feels like a lifetime ago.

Nico strips naked and drags Jenson into the shower with him. "I've been so dirty," he coos. "Are you going to clean me up?"

Jenson sighs, and reaches for Nico's Le Labo shower gel. "C'mere, sweetheart," he says, pouring the suds into his palm. He's exhausted. Lando had kept him up all night, god bless his twenty-something stamina, and Jenson had been hoping for a nap before he had to perform again.

Nico reaches for Jenson's soft dick. "Babe, why aren't you getting hard for me?"

Jenson gulps. "Bit worn out, frankly," he admits.

Nico's smile turns poisonous.

"I can clean myself up, then," he says, turning the water ice cold until Jenson takes the hint and retreats to their bedroom.

--

"Ok, so to be completely honest, I did fuck Jenson," Lando says. "But in my defense, have you seen the guy? He's gorgeous. And also, this is why we're here, right? Anyway, I just wanted to tell you. Because I love you, and I want to be honest with each other. That's the only way this is going to work, right?"

The entire speech he's been preparing pours out of Lando in a single breath, and then there's just silence. Daniel's wearing a hangdog expression Lando has only really seen on his face a couple times, like last year, when shit got really, really bad at work, before they fired him. He can barely look Lando in the eye.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Lando says. "I didn't realize it would bother you that much. Shit, fuck. Did I fuck everything up?"

Daniel looks at Lando, and Lando watches him pull the Danny Ricc smile over his face. It's the smile that hooked him in the first place. He'd never realized it could be an act, when Daniel needed it to be.

"You didn't fuck anything up, Lando," Daniel says. "It's all good, I promise."

Dating Daniel has always been easy, and fun, and it's a lot easier, and more fun, to pretend to believe him.

--

Max misses Daniel so much that it feels like someone carved part of him out with a spoon. He misses him like he'd missed his sister, and his mom, when his parents split up and split the two of them up too. The only reason he doesn't sit down and cry, on the floor of the new apartment where he and Charles will be living for the next three weeks, is because he's so used to the missing feeling that he's learned how to ignore it.

"I really missed you, Max," Charles says. Max catches himself thinking that Charles has no idea what missing means, before he remembers that Charles does, maybe even more than he does. At least he got to call his sister once a week, and he gets to see her now. Charles has to miss people forever.

"I missed you too," Max says, because he knows it's the right thing to say. He's known Charles for so long that he always knows what to say in the moment. It's not like how it was with Daniel. With Daniel, he'd felt like he was an alien learning how to speak human language for the first time, like he was always struggling to find words for things he'd never felt before.

Charles puts an arm around Max, where they're sitting on the sofa, and Max cuddles close to Charles. His phone, which had been open to Daniel's instagram page, sits black on the coffee table, staring at him.

--

Alex and George cook together, their first night in their new flat. George shows Alex how to make sourdough, which he learned from Sebastian. They light a scented candle, and put on soft music, and dance in the kitchen.

"This bread is delicious," Alex says, once they're tearing chunks of it apart to dip into the soup he's made. Charles hadn't cooked much, so Alex had been responsible for most of it. It's nice to have the team back together again. The nights when he goes over to George's to cook, because George has a big enough kitchen to fit both of them and an oven that doesn't turn itself off without warning, have been some of his favorites.

"You don't mind that I learned it from Seb?" George asks. He's got his collar turned up, hiding what looks like it might be a hickey on his neck, and Alex can't help wanting to wrap George in his arms and tell him that it's okay, that he doesn't mind any of it, if it was what George needed.

"Only if you don't show me everything else he taught you, too," Alex says, waggling his eyebrows at George's neck and watching him flush red all the way down to below his collar."

"It wasn't like that!" George exclaims, wrapping his arms around himself defensively. "We were very serious, the whole time, I promise."

Alex pokes at him. "You don't have to be serious all the time, Georgie," he says, tickling George's ribs until he bursts out laughing.

--

Rosecoe crawling immediately into Sebastian's lap, once he sits down on the couch of their new apartment, shouldn't feel as much like a victory as it does.

"We don't have to talk about it," Lewis says. He's pacing around, like he's afraid to sit down and stop moving. Seb had seen Nico when they'd all met up to re-join their previous partners. He'd looked like he'd been mauled by a wild animal.

"Bullshit," Seb says. "Of course we do. That's who we are. We're Lewis and Seb. When we have an issue, we talk about it, and we figure it out. That's how we got as far as we did, in the first place."

"And maybe it's also how we ended up here," Lewis spits back. "Too much fucking talking. Maybe some things can't be talked about. Maybe they can only be felt, and maybe the fact that you never understood that is the problem with us."

Seb stares Lewis dead in the face. "I knew you never wanted this, wanted marriage" he says. "I knew we were always operating on borrowed time. But I'm not going to sit here and let you act like there's something about us that's wrong. You would have found something wrong with anyone you were with, eventually."

"Sure, because you're so fucking perfect, man," Lewis counters. "You only want me as long as I fit the perfect little life you have planned out for yourself. How do you expect that to make me feel? At least Nico sees me as a fucking person, not some sort of, of, accessory, or--"

Seb can't stop himself from interrupting him. "Do you really think things with Nico would have been any different, if you'd started dating him three years ago?" Seb asks. "You two would be at each other's throats in a year if you tried to make things work with him, and not," his own laugh sounds bitter in his ears, "in a fun way."

"Maybe I don't want to have to try to make things work with anyone," Lewis says. "Whatever happened to actually being in love? Or is that not a thing, in your universe? Maybe you and George would be perfect for each other, actually. A nice pair of robot husbands, with a perfect little picket fence marriage. Fuck you. Send me a Christmas card, man."

Lewis turns on his heel and storms out of the apartment. "Lewis--" Seb tries to call after him, but the door has already shut behind him when the words leave Seb's mouth. It's too late.

"What the fuck do we do now?" he asks Roscoe.

[yesimwriting]

Hi! I know you're probably busy rn with collage and what not and I totally understand if you can't expand on this but either way, god I just need to rant about this thought.

So I just saw this tik tok where this girl was like "when I'm riding passenger princess and we're getting a little to close to the car in front of us" and the audio was like "the question is when are you gonna START stopping?"

And one of the comments said she wasn't a passenger princess she was a anxious passenger patroller and all that had me thinking of was Stu and reader, like I don't know about everyone else but i canon whole heartily Stu is a great driver who drives recklessly because 1)he knows what he's doing and 2) he thinks the shits funny

And I believe he'd do it especially to reader when he gets in those weird moods when he doesn't know how to feel about the reader/doesn't know how to handle it, and it kinda just serfaces in this weird aggression . Idk it could be like a fight-ish thing and she's telling him to slow down and he's being a dick about and in the end he weasels his way back into her good graces because she won't speak to him first if he's wrong and he doesn't like going to long with out talking to her

I don't know what up with my mind and how it wonders, anywho hope you have a good day/night :)

a/n for sure busy with school and actually having a social life for once and writing but always always always have time for billy and/or stu (especially since i'm kind of stuck on final girl rn😭)

YOU ARE SO RIGHT,, like i don't think he'd drive recklessly to scare reader with the intention of putting reader or himself in a dangerous situation,, but he'd for sure find it funny or see it as a way to "humble" reader a bit, like if Stu felt like the reader was acting too detached or into someone else he's suddenly speeding a little more just so that reader has to grip his arm and squeeze his hand

anyway i've been missing them and super happy to have a lower stakes way to talk about them,, also this turned out a little different and fluffier than i expected it to be lol

----

Something about the commercial feels different in the fall. Cliche radio hits are easier during the summer, sometimes even fun. But during autumn, with leaves melting off trees in hues of red and orange and the looming end of the year nostalgia, the synthetic quality is harder to look past.

That's why your hand instinctually gravitates to the radio, switching the station without a second thought.

Stu sighs, a quick, over exaggerated puff of air. "I liked that one."

You glance in his direction, glaring, "You were barely listening."

Even though you're mainly defending yourself out of habit, you know it's true. Stu's pretty open about what he likes, even when he doesn't realize it. Usually, when he likes a song he'll tap his fingers against the steering wheel. If he really likes something, he'll even get into it in a way that definitely lessens his ability to control the car.

"I was, too," he hums, half pouting.

You roll your eyes before looking back out the window. The world is moving past you in a vague blur. So quick a seed of unease plants itself in your stomach. You wouldn't exactly call it worry, you've been hanging with Stu and getting him to drive you around too long for his casual take on driving to overly phase you. With the exception of him doing something particularly risky like throwing himself into another lane after barely checking or taking too sharp of a left turn because of yellow light.

Sometimes you comment on it, equal parts teasing and annoyed. But usually, it's easier to just accept it. Stu's so comfortable with the way he drives that comments only amuse him. The one time you glared at him and asked him to slow down, he had a made a game of switching lanes at the last possible second.

"You liked that Spice Girls song more."

Stu openly snaps his head away from the road to glare at you. "Did not, you're the one that likes that saturated pop stuff."

"I said I liked one song one time."

He sighs, finally turning back to face the windshield. "Sure..." He tugs on the last syllable, dragging it out to make his disbelief clear. "You wanna stop for ice cream?"

It's not exactly late, but later than you planned on staying out. Time seems to slip away too quickly when you and your usual group are together and this afternoon's movie that ended in a hangout at the mall had eaten even more time than expected. There was something extra entertaining about wandering between stores and only occasionally actually looking at clothes.

You do have homework and it is Sunday and you told your mom you'd be back around 6:00 probably and it's now almost 7:00. But ice cream does sound nice and there will only be so many evenings in your life that feel this warm and lighthearted.

"I have some homework," you mumble in one final attempt to convince yourself, "But, yeah, I could go for ice cream."

Stu nods, tapping his pointer finger against the wheel. "We'll be fast."

The yellow light doesn't affect his speed as he turns left. Your fingers press into the side of your seat. Fast. No kidding.

"You okay there, babe?" Okay, there's no way your expression was bad enough to warrant a question (especially when he should be looking at the road). He has to be baiting you. "You're looking a little green."

You force your hand to relax, "Mhm." And it is fine. At the very least, fine enough because Stu always drives like this. "Used to you driving like you're on the run."

"You're just sensitive."

The comment is more dismissive than teasing and for whatever reason, you like it less than when he makes fun of you. At least his bullying is coated in a distinct type of affection that only Stu can get away with.

You briefly consider starting one of your 'am not, are too' fights. You're definitely not above it, especially when you two are alone and no one's around to call you out for being overly childish. But if he's going to be moody over the smallest comment...

He switches lanes--without using his blinker--with a sharp turn of the wheel. "If it's that bad, you could get rides from someone else."

The comment is hard and too casual to be a threat, but still mean. It makes your stomach drop more than the way Stu maneuvers the car. You didn't say he was that bad of a driver and you definitely didn't say anything about not going out with him anymore.

There are a lot of good things about getting Stu to drive you around. You like being in his space and the music that's more often than not just a little too loud and the passenger seat that feels more like your seat. You also like the unplanned for car moments, the accidental gossip sessions in driveways and parking lots. It's part of the reason you're glad you don't have a license yet...it's an excuse to just be around him.

"I didn't--"

"Bet Randy would put up with your backseat driving." The car speeds up slightly. "He'd slow down if you gave him that look."

You frown, ruining any chance you have at arguing that that you don't have a face. You don't get what his issue is, especially with bringing up Randy. He's been making on and off comments since the movie you all watched ended.

You don't fully get it, but you guess you get Stu being a little annoyed. Randy and you had been a little obnoxious, laughing too hard at jump scares and flinching too dramatically at moments that weren't that bad. But it's not like you two were terrible. Definitely not bad enough to warrant this passive aggression.

"I don't want to drive around with Randy, I want to drive around with you." You're full on pouting and you don't even care.

Stu sighs, eyes avoiding yours in the rearview mirror. An uncomfortable warmth settles against his face. How do you always manage to do that? From anyone else, he'd hate it, but you're never trying to get anything out of it. Things like that are just offhanded comments to you. No ulterior motives. You don't even think twice about it.

"So now it's not enough enough to be driven around by anyone?"

You shrug, relaxing into your seat. "I'm spoiled."

His throat feels dry, a wave of uncomfortable fondness hitting him with no warning. He knows there's some joke he should make about how you're shameless about it, too. But he's too caught up on the amount of feeling tightening his chest.

He turns into parking lot of your usual drive-in ice cream spot.

"You're enabled."

You turn your head, smiling, "And you're the enabler."

Stu grins, moving a hand to squeeze your shoulder. "I'll enable you any time, babe."

You roll your eyes, but don't make any move to shake him off. "Enable me a--"

"Mint chocolate chip in a waffle--not sugar--cone." He recites your usual order without a second thought.

You nod once in approval. "This is why you're my favorite."

"I'm telling Billy you said that."

Scratching the back of your arm, you glare. Stu's always trying to start a fight with that. "Do not start."

He grins teasingly, "Start what?"

You glare, hoping that the look is threatening enough to make him promise to leave your comment behind. You've known Stu long enough to know that he'd happily take a you're my favorite and save it until he could use it as some sort of ammunition, exaggerating it to make sure it really hits. All that does is make him smile more. Before you can say anything else about it, Stu rolls down the window and orders.

When you get to the window, you try to pay for your own, but that ends as it usually does. He never lets you pay for anything, and when you threaten to leave cash in his car, he threatens to buy you even more things. Try it and on Monday I'm picking you up with coffee and a muffin and that new CD you were talking about. ...A lot of the times, the suggestion makes you want to stop for coffee and muffins before school anyway, so you end up getting it with him anyway.

You give in early this time, thanking him for the ice cream as he finds an empty spot to park in. You smile to yourself. Parked car time with Stu is something you enjoy a lot more than you'd ever admit. The two of you have a silent understanding that in these moments you can say things you wouldn't usually be able to say out loud. Nothing terribly cruel, just a little snarky. The kind of comments that'd get you in trouble in front of the wrong people.

Usually, you have to take the lead at first because Stu likes to act like he's too good for gossip, but once he gets started, he's worse than you.

You're still debating which of the two major topics--rumors you've heard about Susan Welch being pregnant and the weird way Madison Meyer has been acting--to bring up first when Stu breaks the silence. "You uh--" Stu cuts himself off. "You know I wouldn't--I wouldn't do anything that'd hurt you like that."

Weirdly deep comment to hear while you're holding an ice cream cone. "...Are you trying to convince me you didn't poison my ice cream?" That strange seriousness of his doesn't go away. You frown. "Yeah, come on, of course I know that."

He nods, "Yeah, just--" Stu won't look at you. "I wouldn't, and just--the car thing--"

"Stu." You've made those kinds of comments before, and it's never made him react like this. "I know that." You nudge his forearm gently. "I didn't mean it like."" He doesn't cheer up. "Seriously, if I thought you were trying to reverse-vehicular-manslaughter me, I wouldn't get in the car."

At that, he lets out a breath that's definitely trying not to be a laugh. "Would that be reverse-vehicular-manslaughter?"

"I don't know," you hum casually, pausing to eat some of your ice cream, "You're the one trying to do it." Stu glares; you grin. "Kidding." You bite off the top edge of your cone. "You know I love driving around with you--we listen to music, we talk, we gossip--"

"I don't gossip, you gossip and I let you."

You shake your head, not bringing up the fact that he always has more stuff worth saying than you do and he's snarkier than anyone would ever guess. "Then I guess I won't tell you what's up with Susan Welch."

To be fully honest, Stu couldn't care less about Susan Welch, but he likes the way you react to these sort of things. Your reactions to his side comments might be his favorite part of these moments. "She's...in our english class right?"

"Mhm," you hum, trying to downplay your excitement, "Remember how she had to leave class early the other day--like, practically ran out of the room to throw up?" You don't wait for him to respond, "That was on square pizza day--which is the day that's least likely to make someone throw up." You pause for the sake of your ice cream. "And Lucy Thompson swears Susan randomly stopped drinking, which if you've met her, makes no sense. So, Lucy thinks Susan might be..." You trail off before vaguely gesture to your stomach.

Stu's eyes narrow as he pretends to really think about what you've just said. "I don't know if that's enough to mean she's knocked up."

You shake your head once, "Lucy also said she's never in cheer practice anymore, and she started wearing baggy clothes." You sit up a little straighter, "And Missy Danes swears her older sister's friend saw Susan buying a pregnancy test in a grocery store two towns over. I know it's not proof, but it's definitely worth thinking about."

He widens his eyes, more for your sake than anything else, "Definitely." He pushes his spoon into his melting ice cream. "If she is pregnant, she's totally screwed because Ben Johnson was just bragging about hooking up with her."

Your mouth falls open in pretend shock, "No way." You lean against the center console. "You got oreo again, right?"

Stu knows exactly what that question means, "Want some?"

Your eyebrows draw together as you shake your head. "No, I'm--"

"We could trade for a little."

Another one of your traditions, each person's ice cream slowly becoming everyone's. "Another reason why you're my favorite."

"Oh, now you're begging me to tell Billy."

You dip the spoon into ice cream, digging for a particularly large oreo crumb. "I will blame it on the ice cream."

[athena-swords]

🌼🌼 PICK A CARD 🌼 🌼

Disclaimer : don't come to me if it doesn't resonate I am just chanelling ok and those who don't have autumn just take September and October month

🍂 The Upcoming Autumn for you 🍂

Here are your piles

Pile 1. Pile 2

Pile 3. Pile 4

Pile 1

Hii pile 1 hope so your 2023 is going good let's see what is happening for you this autumn.

if you are away from your people you gonna met them again and lemme tell you it's gonna be a bash

I am seeing a ending perhaps something you thought will end in a beautiful thing didn't ended like you were expecting

Lots of amusement park or fair or just new energy be ready for crazy companies

you will be making or planning to make a long time investment probably related to your career (think and think carefully before any decision)

Windfall money and unexpected coming projects or just your plate being full

Song chanelled: October,what makes you beautiful and O O Janne jana.

Pile 2

hii pile 2 let's hope you all love the fall season as much as I do now let's get into your reading.

Well you could get to know that someone you considered as close friend or fam has been going behind your back and saying not so nice stuff about you.

You could have been seeing many red flags in a group but we're not leaving so your guides showed you their real self in a harsh way

You could feel fatigue or just down this season(seems like your guys are not a fan of it haa).But don't worry there will be some good news for you

you guys should definitely go check pile 1 you will find some messages for you in there.

the advice for you is that go out and keep a balance don't expect situations to magically work for you gotta show some efforts honey

Songs chanelled:Allah maaf kare, strawberries and cigarettes, team by lorid

Pile 3

Hii pile 3 hope so you are looking up to yourself ,enjoying the days let's look what you have for yourself in autumn yaa

lol did you get your hands on a book you wanted to read for a long time I see you will make a very cosy space for you .

And procastinate in there and will end up doing all the work in deadline dates as please do little bit and don't pile them up

Could go for hiking or just mountains or you could even live there but for some reason I saw snowfall(do you wanna see it once)

Lots of planning and analysis about something all over you somehow will want to feel productive,you will introspect about all the stuff you have been doing and want to do

You could have a new crush or neighbours too....ok byyy hope you liked your reading

Songs chanelled:te amo ,tere hone laga hoon,cruel summer

Pile 4

Hii pile 4 whats happening my babies all of you are going through some shit anyways let's look into it yaa

You all may be going through some kind of rejection and you may have been feeling that now all of your plans are kind of no use??

Anyways the good news is there are other options which are better abd available to you so don't be so much into the grief that you ignore those ones

There might be some old friend or family trying to conntect you again

You could get some clarity on something you have been confused about for a long time

I see that you will work on more of your masculine energy and will take the room

Just a small advice to not over work yourself and trust people who you know wants your well-being

Songs chanelled:Aao Milo chalo,snap,Leyla.

Okay so take this as my comeback pack I would try to not just ghost every platform love you all alot please enjoy every day🕊️🕊️✨✨

Har Har Mahadev

[pondslime]

Do you think that what Bo said about him and his brothers ending up in foster care was also a lie? I've seen some who think he wasn't lying about that but I don't think the timing and the codependency him and his brothers have adds up to them being separated for a bit, ya know? Sorry for bombarding you with a question but ugh there's just so much untouched lore potential I wanna screeeeeam

*cracking knuckles* oh baby u just opened the floodgates I am about to be SO fckn annoying

so personally, I very much believe that bo's spinning an ENTIRE crock of shit during that conversation w/carly and wade

something that I think we all need to highlight more is that the baby idiot himself has SUCH a flair for the dramatic. our favorite caveman is a chronic theater kid. like, okay acting 101? okay thespian? okay daytime soap OPERA??? the scene he sets for this fuckmurdermayhem is just...................SO grotesque and dramatic and entirely UNNECESSARY LMAO

he's a weirdo who has sequestered himself in a town full of corpses and u just KNOW the gaps between the wax nonsense are LONG and BORING and he's ANTSY

the whole time he's chasing carly thru town he's just. blissed out. goin hehehehehhehehehehe be vewwy vewwwy quiet!! we're huntin' wabbits!!! elmer fudd-mode FULLY engaged

he GRINS before he's shot by a fckin crossbow?????????? BABY???? WHAT ARE U DOING??????

he is truly on some other shit!! convinced his bargain bin broadway play will go off without a hitch and he will somehow??? be getting a standing ovation for his foolishness????

sighing DREAMILY

this is the most fun he's had in possibly months, and he's living la vida loca. he's that one tiktok of all the kids performing summer loving in the denny's. this is his golden globes. his bafta (big ass fucking truck absurdity). his academy award winning performance, starring his raging boner & very little foresight!!!!

I think there might be LIL grains of truth to his story, ofc. the best lies have small kernels of truth to them, and bo's lies seem to work the best when he adds those in (mentioning that he's close to the deceased to incur pity/getting nick to agree to follow him to a second location by mentioning that they might have gone up to the house)

but I do believe that most of it is complete bullshit lmao

there is absolutely no way in hell that those boys EVER got separated. to me!!! at least!! nope. they were in that miserable little house together the whole time. vincent and bo's interactions together speak to years of sibling tension and growing resentment. lester's inclusion in all of this w/his role of like. the ferryman to the fckin UNDERWORLD that is ambrose. is so v a marker of his attachment to his older brothers

they're all inextricably linked!!!!!!

bo 100% killed victor tho. u do not mime shooting urself in the head when discussing ur dad's death if u did not shoot him point blank range w/a smile on ur face. u simply do not. not entirely sure if he killed trudy. feel like that might've been vincent/a group job. or. pet theory. she DID just die of natural causes. or. other pet theory. she was actively participating/aware of the first couple murders. we'll never know but. huh

I also REALLY don't buy the "trudy got a cyst in her brain" stuff. I've played around w/it in a couple fics, but I v much think the probablity of it being a complete fabrication? oh 99.9%. most definitely. talking about ur mom getting strapped to the bed & screaming loud enough for the whole town to hear? hsdfjhfdsjhsdf BOY GOODBYE.

like????? that's SUCH a deranged thing to tell someone u just met. and it v much seems like smthn he tossed out to purposefully unnerve them. he didn't have to say that, but he DID. bc he loves the cat and mouse game. that's why he creeps on them @ the campsite. he's so deeply abnormal

it's all this weird sad little story that's designed to make u uncomfortable. also. sidenote......................in this version of the scene that he's set, he's the mourning parishioner sadly recounting a tale of woe that he's notably detached to. who is he in relation to the story he weaves? nobody. just an observer.

if life could be a fckin dream boseph!!!

BTW. he does this in the original script, but it's somehow EVEN weirder.

he is. and I CANNOT stress this enough. roleplaying as a kid in the neighborhood that trudy liked and would spoil.

???????????????????????????????????????????

babygirl is truly going thru it!!!!!! babygirl this is EMBARRASSING!!!!!! ur MOMMY ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!! BABYGIRL!!!!!!!!! they are SHOWING!!!!! they are STAPLED to ur forehead!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

he's so ABNORMAL!!!!!!! I need to make out w/him!!!!!!!! RN!!!!!!!!!!!

vincent waiting 2 hear what dumbass alternate reality bo has cooked up for this batch of tourists:

I always talk about how dumb bo is. and I mean every word of it. I really do. but I do think he's got a couple braincells.

I v much feel like he's v much a creature of habit. he's been doing this shebang for years n years and he knows how it goes. he gets his fuckin n suckin and vincent gets his wax sculptures. bada bing bada boom. showtime baby.

his "plan" is v much as solid as a plastic bag drifting thru the wind, wanting to start again. he is fr hinging this whole thing on a series of events, that, should they not happen, he has no alternative for. and he is so weird and so strange and cannot deviate from his script LEST he get pissymad and ruin everything. he's so dumb. I'm so v in love w/him.

TL; DR!!

I wrote this for my peabrain video essay script and it's all the above bullshit nonsense. but more coherent:

& an unrelated bit. bc it's still my favorite bit of the script & the only part I recorded a voice clip for sfjdhdfjshdfs

[feeling-pushy]

The Early Years Shorts

Four little shorts that cover those early years spent with Montanha, Rosie and Asher as they traveled the world together, also a way to show the development of the future romance shared between Montanha and Asher :3

Anyways hope you like them!

Short 1: Montanha Doesn’t Like to Swim

It had been a couple of weeks since they picked Asher up, and so far he’s been an excellent addition to the team. Not only has he been incredibly helpful, picking up the slack when it was needed. But he had been providing another unique voice in the long conversations shared traveling down the long winding roads. Rosie and Montanha liked having him around.

The three of them were in what they believed to be the state of Mississippi at this point in their travels and had just found a place to rest for a few days. It was out, deep in the woods, where those Creatures wouldn’t really venture out. And there also just so happened to be a clean river nearby. An excellent place to fish and to swim on these increasingly hot summer days.

Montanha, Rosie, and Asher were quick to set up the camp. And once it was done, Asher decided to surprise his friends with a gift. Calling them both over to see. “I've been holding on to something real special!” he said, digging into his backpack. After a minute, he pulled out a dozen or so packets of powdered shampoo.

Both Rosie and Montanha's eyes go wide at the sight. “Holy crap!! Where'd you get those??” Rosie exclaimed, Asher smiled, “I found them in a storage facility while we were scavenging around. Probably just couldn't be put on the store floor in time before everything happened! But the good news is, we're not gonna smell like shit anymore!”

“Oh hell yeah!! I'm gonna go take a bath then! Don’t wait up!!” Rosie said as Asher handed her one and she went running off towards the river. Asher watched her go for a moment before turning his head to look at Montanha, “You and I can probably do the same after she's done, don't you think Montanha?”

Montanha, however, involuntarily flinched a bit when he said this, and his posture stiffened as he became a bit more guarded, “oh- uh- you mean together?”

“Yeah, I mean... Unless you're a more private guy? It doesn't really matter to me”

“Erm, yeah.... Sorry.” Montanha mumbled, not looking Asher in the eye as he said this, his hands unconsciously holding the front of his leather jacket together to hide himself. “Oh, dude. No worries! My brother was a private guy so I get that” Asher said quickly, seeing his obvious discomfort.

“Yeah....’ he then suddenly stood up, “I need to go... over there.” he said before somewhat stiffly walking off. As soon as he was out of Asher's sight and hearing, he let out a big sigh. He felt somewhat bad for lying about being a private guy, though in some ways he was. There were just certain, things, he didn’t want him to know about. He just didn't want Asher to end up treating him differently. With a tight-lipped frown, he decided to go make himself useful and go chop some wood.

Asher sighed as well as he left. Damn it, leave it to him to accidentally offend him. He'll have to make it up to him.

The first thing Asher thought to do was invite Montanha to go swimming. Perhaps if they could swim and have a bit of fun together , maybe Montanha would warm up to him. He waited a day to ask just to make sure he'd cool down enough

“Hey dude! I figured since we've got a good spot to hang for a bit we could go down to that river and maybe go for a swim! Cool down a bit, y'know?” Asher asked, approaching Montanha who was organizing their excess pile of wood. Montanha’s eyes widen a little at the question, “I uh, I can't swim.” he said rather quickly, too quickly really, as once again he unconsciously pulled his jacket front closed to hide himself.

Asher blinked, having not expected this answer, “Oh, um... Ok!”

“Ok...’ they both stand there for a moment before Montanha suddenly just turns his head, ‘Huh? What’s that Rosie?? I'm coming!” with that he ran off to the right, and into the brush. Not even a minute later Rosie came in from the left, eating a handful of blackberries she'd found, “what’s he running for?” she asked curious as she munched on a berry. She then turns her head and holds out a hand for Asher, “blackberry?”

Asher doesn’t go for a berry and instead just sighed, “I'm... Not sure actually. I think I might have offended him the other day on accident… I think he’s still mad at me.”

“Yah did? Wow, how'd you manage to do that?”

“I'm not sure, he didn't tell me or anything but just kinda... Ran off. After you went to wash yourself in the river I suggested going in together after you were done and he just got funny. I just didn't realize he was a private guy.”

Furrowing her brows, Rosie continued to nibble on her berries like a little squirrel before the realization struck her, “Ohhhhhhhhh.... Yeah, don’t worry about it.” she said after a moment. Asher just turned his head to look at her, forehead wrinkling, “You sure? He seemed really upset.”

“Oh he is, but it ain't because of you... Kinda. Anyways, just don’t sweat it. He'll get over it.” She offhandedly stated. Rosie then just placed some black berries in his hand, then patted his hand a little, “Well, I'm gonna go fishing, smell yah later!” As Rosie walked off again, Asher, hearing the word ‘fishing’ perks up a bit, “Fishing...”

The following day, Asher and Montanha both sat at the riverbank, fishing poles in hand. Fortunately, Montanha said yes when Asher gave him the invitation to go fishing with him and he thought now would be the best time to hopefully talk things out.

“So, uh… I wanted to apologize for the other day Montanha.” Asher said, getting the conversation started, “Hm? Oh! Uh... I-It's fine...” Montanha stammered, eyes glancing away. “No it's not. I shouldn't have made you uncomfortable but I'm gonna do my best to not do that from now on.” Montanha chewed his inner cheek a bit as he again pulled at his jacket, fingers fidgeting with the metal zipper teeth, “... It's not your fault. You didn't do nothin' wrong, it's cause of me.” He mumbled, still unable to look at him. “don't say that now. It’s never anyone's fault how they feel.”

“Still, I don’t want you to think you did anything wrong. You're a nice guy Asher.’ Montanha said softly, watching his hands as they found the zipper itself and he very quickly zipped it up and down the teeth as he tried to process his thoughts, he then let out a deep sigh, ‘Can... Can I admit something?”

“Sure man!

Montanha nodded, looking out into the water, “Look, I just... There is a certain image I know I project. Which is a big, strong, and manly man. The kind of man people depend on. And I care a lot about how people see me... So it's hard to admit that I'm-’ he hesitated, feeling a cold twisting in his stomach before he let out a sharp exhale, ‘I'm Transgender.”

Asher was silent for a second before speaking, “Oh! Ooooohhh! I totally get it now!”

“Yeah... That's why I got all weird about you suggesting we bathe together and the whole swimming thing. Cause I didn't want you to know and have it change how you saw me.” He admitted. Asher’s eyes softened a little and he looked out at the water as well, “I see... Thanks for telling me. I want you to know it doesn't change how I think of you.”

“You're just sayin’ that.”

“No I'm not, really! Hell, I have things I haven't told you about cause... Well actually cause of the same reasons.” Asher mutters.

“Yeah? Like what? If you don’t mind me ask’n.”

Asher didn’t speak for a moment as he swallowed dryly and took a deep breath of his own, he then turned to look Montanha in the face, “I'm actually pan...” he admitted.

“... Oh, like pansexual?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.’ Was all Montanha said blinking a bit in surprise, he then quickly cleared his throat, “Well, if it helps, I'm also gay too. So it doesn’t matter much to me. It doesn't change how I see you either.” As Montanha said this, he finally fully turned his head to face Asher, giving the copper haired man a small smile. This was met with an equally warm smile as Asher gazed back at him, “Thanks man.”

As Montanha continued to smile at him, his face began to flush as his cheeks started to get warm. The only reason he looked away in that moment is when he felt a yank on his fishing pull, and on instinct, he yanked up in response before reeling it in. Cussing lightly as the fish fought back, yanking harshly against his poll. After a quick tussle with the thing, he managed to pull out a large Sauger fish.

Holding it up and away from both his and Asher's faces so they don’t get cut by its sharp fins Montanha gave Asher a wide grin, “Now, this is something I care a lot about! Woo! Look at the size of this one!” he joked with a laugh. Asher laughed and grinned just as wide, his warm brown eye sparkling, “yeah! That'll go nice on the fire tonight!”

“damn right!” As the two of them share this moment together, Montanha couldn't help but feel his heart swell a little.

Asher really did make a good addition to the team.

Short 2: Do You Wanna Build A Ground Blind?

As the cool autumn breeze rustled through the trees, Rosie and Montanha found themselves relaxing by the fire pit which was yet to be lit. The smell of the chilly midafternoon air felt good and gave Rosie a sense of energy.

Leaning back, Rosie looked up and admired the clear blue sky, seeing a few wispy clouds floating by. Just then Asher walked towards them, a grin on his face. "Hey guys, I just caught a couple of fish for lunch!"

Montanha smiled at that, but Rosie made a face, "fish again? Is that all we got?" she complained. Montanha chuckled, “We also have some dried fruits and nuts from our last supply run if your lookin to nibble on something else, squirrel girl."

Rosie met that answer with a punch to Montanha’s arm. Plopping down next to Rosie, Asher smiled as he watched their usual antics. Once Rosie was done hitting Montanha she leaned back on her log and let out a big sigh, "I'm just saying, some red meat would be suuuppppeerrr good right now." Rosie then turned her head to look at Asher. "maybe we should do some hunting?"

“That's not a bad idea. We could use a fresh source of meat besides fish." Asher agreed. Rosie then got a bit more excited as she sat up, “Hey you know what we should build??’ both men look at her with a raised brow, ‘a ground blind!!”

“a ground blind…?” Montanha asked slowly, confused. Asher, on the other hand, perked up, “Oh shit yeah! A nice ground blind would be perfect. Then we could go out early and set ourselves up to hunt deer instead of just looking around for them.”

“Exactly! Ugh been a long time since I did some good old-fashioned hunting in a blind.” Rosie said, Asher nodded humming in agreement. Rosie’s enthusiasm had been contagious as Asher suddenly stood up and stretched, a determined look on his face. “Alright then, let’s get started. We should scout out a good location for the blind first. We’ll need to find a spot where deer are likely to pass through. Somewhere near water or a game trail would be ideal.”

Rosie jumped to her feet, already buzzing with energy. “I know a spot! There’s a clearing not too far from here, near a creek. I’ve seen deer tracks there before.”

“Lead the way, Rosie,” Asher said, grabbing his gear. Montanha, wanting to help out, followed suit and the trio set off through the woods.

The crunch of leaves underfoot and the crisp air filling their lungs, Rosie led the way, her eyes scanning the ground for familiar landmarks and a smile on her face. After a short hike, they reached the clearing she had mentioned, just a small opening in the middle of the trees with plenty of grass and what few wildflowers were still stubbornly sticking around. This would be an ideal spot for deer to graze, and therefore an ideal spot to hunt.

“Here it is,” Rosie announced, pointing to the ground where several deer tracks were clearly visible. “This is where they come through.” Asher knelt down, examining the tracks. “Looks fresh. This is a good spot.”

Rosie looked around, noting the natural cover provided by the trees and bushes. “We could set up the blind over there,” she said, pointing to a cluster of trees that would offer a perfect vantage point. “Perfect,” Asher agreed. “Let’s gather some materials and get to work.”

They then spent the next few hours collecting branches, leaves, and other natural materials to construct the ground blind. Rosie and Asher both showed off their expertise as they worked to weave branches together, creating a sturdy and camouflaged structure. Montanha pretty much followed their lead, gathering what they needed him to gather or helping to lift things that needed to be lifted as both Asher and Rosie added their own little touches to ensure the blind was both effective and comfortable.

By the time they were finished, the sun was beginning to set, casting a warm glow over the clearing. The blind stood ready, and Rosie stepped back, admiring their handiwork. “This is going to be hella perfect! Tomorrow morning, we’ll come out here early and see if we can bag ourselves a deer.”

“Sounds like a plan, I look forward too it!” Asher said with an excited grin.

As they made their way back to camp, Rosie and Asher were both abuzz with anticipation as they talked about the upcoming hunt. Even as they ate by the fire pit, now lit and crackling with warmth, they continued to discuss what weapons to bring, what gear to wear, and whether they should pack thermos’s with warm drinks. Montanha was content to just listen along, even if he wasn’t all that into the subject matter at hand, it was still just nice to see his friends excited about something.

When it was time for bed the three of them got into their shared tent and got themselves situated in as they cuddled, Rosie being little spoon to Montanha, and Montanha being little spoon to Asher as he laid in the middle. It was ideal for keeping warm, as well as giving each other a sense of comfort and safety. As Rosie snuggled up, she didn’t look tired at all as she grinned all giddy, “Tomorrow’s going to be a good day,”

“Yeah,” Asher agreed. “It’s going to be great.”

“Try to get some sleep you too.” Montanha said, “especially you Rosie.”

“Ok Dad.” Rosie quips with a smirk, Montanha just rolls his eyes, “Shush. Go to bed.”  Asher chuckled, “Alright, good night you two.”

“Night.”

“Good night!”

With that, they settled in for the night, even Rosie did after some effort, the promise of a successful hunt fueling her dreams as she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, the first light of dawn began to creep over the horizon, casting a soft glow through the trees. Rosie was the first to stir, like the excited child she was, she started to shake Asher awake, “Ash! Wake up it’s hunting time!” she whispered loudly.

Asher stirred after a moment and he gave her a sleepy smile, “yeah, give me a sec, I’ll get suited up.” Rosie nodded as she then turned and shook Montanha, “get up big guy! It’s hunting time!” Montanha lifted his head to look at her, blurry eyed, “What time is it?” he mumbled.

“I don’t fuckin know’ she takes a moment to check her phone, ‘four A.M.”

Montanha stared at her for a long moment before putting his head back down, “Yeah ok you two have fun with that…”

“Aww come on Montanha! Monnnttyyyy!” Rosie said, trying to egg him on a little with his least favorite nickname, “Nope. I’m sleeping. You two can hunt…” he said waving her off. Rosie puffed her cheeks annoyed but decided to let him be.

Asher and Rosie then quietly get ready, pack up their gear and soon the two of them slipped out of the camp, the early morning air cool and crisp against their faces. The forest was still, the only sounds being the soft rustling of leaves and the distant call of a bird.

When they reached the blind, Rosie and Asher settled in, their movements slow and deliberate to avoid making any noise. The blind provided excellent cover, allowing them to remain hidden while having a clear view of the clearing and the deer trail.

Rosie scanned the area, her eyes sharp and focused. “This is perfect,” she whispered. “Now we just have to be patient.”

Asher nodded, positioning himself to get a good shot if a deer appeared. They sat in silence, the forest gradually coming to life around them. As the two of them sat back in the shelter, they let the quiet of the woods take over for a moment. The soft cool breeze of the early fall air making Rosie shiver a bit as her breath came out in small white puffs.

Rosie breathed in the chilly air and after a moment her expression morphed into a melancholic one as she gazed out into the forest, “I missed doing this. Last time I did something like this, it was with my dad.” Asher, blowing warm air into his hands, looked at her, “Oh yeah? You and your dad hunted?”

“yeah, ever since I was ten. He showed me how to use a gun and a bow and arrow. Hunting season was our season you know?”

“Yeah, I do... What kind of hunting did you guys do?”

“Mostly deer and pheasant. My dad said for my eighteenth birthday he was gonna get me a license to hunt elk and we were gonna go hunt one as a late birthday gift... We would've gone this year.” Rosie said, voice trailing off and her eyes looking down sadly. Asher looked down a bit, recalling his own memories, “I'm sorry Rosie...”

“I saw them one last time, or at least I saw their doppelgangers, the day it all went down.” Rosie mumbled, Asher quietly lifted his head, face unreadable as she spoke, Rosie had never shared this part of the story with him before.

“Montanha had been walking me to my home, then they called us and asked us to meet them on some desolate road. From the moment I saw them I knew something was wrong... But I didn't want to believe it was. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Montanha stepping in, I wouldn't be here.’ tears filled her eyes as she continued, voice becoming thick, ‘I try really hard, not to think about it. The fact that my last memory of them will forever be of them turning into those- those things. It fucks me up so much.”

“I know what you mean... I went through the same thing with my brother.”

“I'm sorry’ she whispered, ‘that sucks...”

“It does... But my dad always had a saying for things like this.’ Rosie glanced at him, curious, ‘You can't focus on what's behind you, you won't know where you're going if you do." Asher said with a small smile.

Rosie eyes drifted down once more, face contemplative, “... but where do I put her memory? When it haunts me night and day? I can't hide it in the closet. And Lord, I can't throw it away....” she said flatly. After a moment of silence, she glanced up at him and looked a bit embarrassed, “sorry that's a quote from a song.”

Asher, however, gives a light chuckle, “Nah, it's alright. When I first heard him say that, I was just as confused. But I know now that what happens to someone can't be changed... But it's not the only thing we can focus on... Besides, look at that view.” As he said that, he gestured out to the trees, as the sun began to rise.

Rosie looked out and watched as the sky turned that orangey-pink, washing the forest in a warm glow and even coloring the early morning fog on the ground, it was like a hazy watercolor dream. A small smile graced her lips as she gazed out. Rosie hesitated a moment, before resting her head on Asher's shoulder, “Thanks for coming out here with me. Montanha is my best friend. Hell, he's kinda like a brother, but there are just some things he doesn't understand. But I'm glad you do.”

“Well, I try. That's all we can do.”

They sat like that for a long time, before Rosie’s keen eyes caught movement at the edge of the clearing. She tapped Asher lightly, pointing to where a young buck had emerged, cautiously stepping into the open space. Asher sat up and slowly drew his bow, careful to remain silent and steady.

Rosie watched intently, her own breath held as she kept her eyes on the deer, as Asher released the arrow. It zipped through the air, striking the buck cleanly. The deer staggered briefly before collapsing to the ground. Asher and Rosie exchanged a quick look, “We did it,” Rosie whispered, her eyes shining with excitement, “Yeah, we did.” Asher replied, wrapping an arm around her shoulder in a side hug, smiling warmly.

Short 3: Celebrity Crushes

It was a warm enough evening, with summer being just around the corner, so the three of them decided to stay up late around the fire. Sitting there they watched as the fireflies glowed throughout the expansive grassy fields and listened to the crackle of the fire and the chirping of the crickets. As the three sat there, Rosie was the first to pipe up, “So, celebrity crushes. What’s everyone’s top three?”

“Oh that’s a great question. Hmmm… Gonna have to say Harrison Ford is one for sure.” Asher said after some thought. “Not a bad choice, he’s pretty handsome. Joel Miller is a ten for me, shame they’ll never get to finish that “Last Of Us” tv show…” Montanha said with a sigh.

“Of course you got a crush on a man from a zombie apocalypse show.” Rosie said with a small eyeroll. Montanha just shrugged, “I will not deny he only came into my radar because of zombie apocalypse media. But he was pretty good in the Mandalorian too.”

“What about you Rosie?” Asher asked, Rosie didn’t even hesitate in her answer, “Oh, Johnny Cash for sure.”

“Pfft, of course you got a crush on a country singer.” Montanha said, parroting back her previous statement. “Shut up! He wasn’t just a country singer! He did movies too!!” Rosie whined. Montanha tittered, “Ok, ok! Sorry.”

Rosie however was still pouty as she sat there crossed armed, “Why don’t we here another one from you then, since your tastes are so much better than mine?” she asked huffingly. “Hm, ok, I think Kurt Russel for sure. Specifically in “The Thing.” When he’s got that big beard.”

“Shit that’s actually one of mines too!!” Asher suddenly shouted, looking pleasantly surprised. Montanha’s eyes lit up, “Wait really?!?”

“Oh my god yes! Like normally he isn’t my favorite.”

“But something about that long hair, and that tired look…”

“and that attitude?”

 “ugh yes! It’s just so...”

“Sexy…”

As they spoke, they had leaned in closer and closer together, having a little moment. Rosie then stuck her face between the two of them, “Hello? We still talking about crushes or do you two need a minute alone?” Both sat back up again sharply, a dusting of pink on both of their cheeks, “Haha sorry I think we got a bit carried away!” Asher apologized.

Rosie raised a brow, but then shrugged, “Anyways, I just wanna say that Sam Elliot is also another celebrity crush for me.” 

“Oh really? He certainly is a handsome fellow.” Montanha says with an approving nod, “Yeah no arguments there… But you sure do like older celebrities, do you not like any of the modern ones?” Asher asked curiously. Rosie’s face turned a bit red as she looked away, “I… I may have watched a lot of MeTV…’ she mumbled, ‘O-Only cause my dad liked it!!”

“Oh yeah..? What’s that last celebrity crush then hmm?” Montanha asked, with a bit of a smirk on his lips. Rosie started pouting again as she turned her head, still blushing, “Well now I’m not telling you. If you’re just gonna tease me.”

“Aw come on.”

“No.”

“Would it make you feel better to know I got an oldies celebrity crush too?” Montanha offered up, Rosie glanced over for a moment, “Tell me yours first.”

“Duane Jones.”

Rosie’s eyebrows go up as recognition crossed her face, “From Night of the Living Dead?” Montanha smiled wide, “Oh hey, so you have seen a zombie movie!” Montanha joked. This brought back Rosie’s smile as she giggled for a moment, “Only cause it was on MeTV that one time…”

“Fair enough. But yeah, I think he’s real classy.”

Rosie giggled again, “Yeah… James Stewart or Jimmy Stewart as some people called him, is my last one. I would say my number one crush actually, I always thought he was charming and he always played real sweet but sassy guys, he was and still kinda is, like, the templet, for the kinda guy I wanna fall in love with…” she admitted as she tucked back her hair and blushed again. “That’s not a bad model to go off of… I liked him in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’”

“Oh hey, so you have seen movies other than zombie films.” Rosie joked, which made Montanha chuckle. There’s a bit of a comfortable silence as the fire popped and the crickets chirped.

“Scarlet Johanson is my third celebrity crush.” Asher piped up after a moment. Both Rosie and Montanha start nodding in approval.

“Oh that’s a good choice, she’s very pretty.”

“Oh yeah, I’m gay and I still can appreciate her aesthetically.”

“Like her best when she’s got red hair, like mines.”

“Oh yeah red hair is the best look for her, I love red hair.”

 Asher shrugs, “I personally prefer her blonde.”

“Eh, blonde is fine.”

“Blonde’s not my favorite.”

 Asher exhaled sharply threw his nose, before bursting into a loud laugh at them and their almost simultaneous response. Both Montanha and Rosie blinked for a moment before they also started to laugh. The three of them laughed together as the little speckles of ember drifted up into the night sky.

Short 4: The Biggest Little Spoon

It had been a cool late summer night, the perfect night to lay out and sleep under the stars. After spreading out a large tarp, Asher, Rosie, and Montanha piled on a bunch of blankets and pillows to make it comfortable. Once everything was set out, Rosie was the first to flop down into the cushions with a smile, “Ohhh yeaaahhh, this is gonna be awesome.”

“Hey, make sure you save room for us, okay? We have to share that thing,” Montanha pointed out. Rosie waved him off, “Yeah, yeah, I will.”

“So, are we actually going to cuddle then?” Asher asked hesitantly.

“I mean, yeah, if you still want to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I mean, I got no problem with it. I guess I’ve never, like, cuddled with a friend before?” Asher admitted, his shyness making itself known alongside a slight blush.

“It’s not such a big deal. I mean, me and Rosie just like the company.” Montanha said. “And the warmth!” Rosie added. “Montanha is like a damn heater, great on a cold night.”

Asher smiled a bit, “Alright, wouldn’t hurt to try, right?”

Montanha nodded. “So, uh, did you want to be held? Because I guess I could hold you, and then you can hold Rosie, and we can go in that order. Or maybe you would rather have Rosie hold you? You two are closer in size, so that could be a good option, and then I can just hold Rosie.”

“Uh, well... If it's all the same, I'd actually be more comfortable just holding onto you.” Asher said, another small flush gracing his cheeks. Montanha blinked, eyes widening like saucers. “Wait. Me?” he asked stupidly as he pointed to himself. “Yeah. I mean, if you're chill with that. You don’t gotta if you don’t want too.”

“Oh. I mean, sure! I’d just, uh, never had anyone offer to spoon me, so I just wasn’t expecting that...” The blush on Montanha’s cheeks surpassed the red-headed man’s as he said this. Popping her head out of the cushions like a little prairie dog, Rosie gave Montanha a look, “Hey! I offered once!”

“Yeah, and it was literally the worst we’ve ever slept. You kept kneeing me in the back...”

“And you're a literal mountain, and I couldn’t even wrap my arms around you! But it was the thought that counted!” Rosie argued. “Okay, fair enough,” Montanha said. He then looked at Asher, “But uh, yeah, if you wanna give it a shot, I don’t mind it…”

“Okay, cool.” Asher said with a smile.

Montanha and Asher then joined Rosie in the pile of pillows and blankets, and the three of them lay on their backs for a while, just watching the stars. They then decided to have a bit of fun pointing out the constellations.

“Haha, hey look, the stars in Sagittarius look like a little teapot,” Rosie pointed out with a small laugh. Asher laughed a little as well, “Heh, yeah, I think I see what you mean.”

“I see the Little Dipper.” Montanha added.

“I see the Summer Triangle.” Asher pointed out, tracing the shape with his finger. “Oh, and I see Hercules!” Rosie piped up.

“… I see the Little Dipper…” Montanha said again. Asher turned his head to look at him and laughed a bit through his nose, “Do you not know any of the constellations?” he asked, the tone of his voice sounding amused.

“I know the Big and Little Dipper….” Montanha mumbled.

“Oh my god, Montanha, really?” Rosie asked, laughing. Montanha pressed his lips together in a pout, “What? I didn’t really go outside much before the apocalypse!” Asher laughed softly, “Well, hey, why don’t we make up our own constellations then?”

“Oh! Yeah! Okay, let me see… That star there, there, and there? I’m calling that ‘The Mountain.’” Rosie said, pointing out the stars and tracing them with her finger. “Oh, I think I see that. Hmmm, I think those stars right there make a little squirrel.” Montanha added.

“I think those ones there look like a little bowl.”

“Those ones right there are totally an acoustic guitar!”

“And those ones definitely make a little rose.”

The three of them continued to make up little constellations together for a while longer. But soon enough, sleep started to weigh their bodies down. The three then positioned themselves to sleep. Rosie rested curled up in a little ball, her back against Montanha’s chest as she enjoyed the warmth. Montanha draped one arm over her but tucked the other hand to his chest. Asher lay with his face resting against Montanha’s back and one arm draped over Montanha’s side.

That night, as they lay under the stars, Montanha was the last to fall asleep. But unlike most nights where he lay somewhat fitfully, he found himself relaxing rather quickly. His biggest fear had been that Asher would be a snorer and would snore right into his ear, but to his pleasant surprise, Asher slept silently. The steady rise and fall of Asher's chest against his back was actually quite calming.

Asher's arm, draped over him, felt comfortable and reassuring, like a warm blanket. Montanha also realized that while Asher was shorter than himself, he was just the right height; his knees didn't hit his back, and his head fit perfectly in the curve of Montanha's upper back. It was almost as if they were two pieces of a puzzle finally clicking into place. That realization made him blush a little as he lay there.

As he drifted closer to sleep, Montanha was surprised at how natural it felt to be held by Asher, and he found himself overwhelmed with an odd sense of appreciation. It wasn't just the physical comfort; it was the sense of security and trust that Asher's presence brought. He had always been the protector, the one who looked out for others, but tonight, in Asher's arms, he allowed himself to be cared for. For the first time in a long while, Montanha felt truly at peace. A small smile curved on his lips as he finally succumbed to sleep, wrapped in the warmth of Asher's embrace.

As the crickets played their quiet melodies and under the wide, starry skies, the three amigos rested together in peace.

[mhbcaps]

I was tagged by @miss--river @pinkyjulien and @wraithsoutlaws and this time I'm actually doing the thing I was tagged in XD thank you! If anyone hasn't been tagged yet, do it and say I tagged you - I mean it!!!!

OC INTERVIEW

🟦🟪 David Lozano & Viggo Day

▪ NICKNAME:

"Can call me V."

"What about that adorable nickname Heiress has for you?"

"Oh, yeah. Old lady I used to train with, she calls me Big Blue. What, you think that's cute?"

"I do, I love it! I'd call you that too but it feels like a special thing just for her. Like how your mom sometimes calls you--"

"Yeah, and this is Gogo, 'cause they never know when to fuckin' stop."

"That's me!"

▪ GENDER:

"Hell if I know! Just write down n/a. Or, no, write down "fun"! I'm not a boy or a girl, I'm fun."

"Could also write down "loud.""

"That too. And you're cis."

"Yeah. That's the one where you stuck with whatever they wrote on--yeah. Cis male."

▪ ORIENTATION:

"Oh, I like anyone who's got muscles and looks good doing manual labor. Like, all strong and sweaty. No, seriously! Not everyone looks good like that. Like, V does, but Sanctuary--our friend Sanctuary--wouldn't. They're hot too, though. Is it weird to say I'm attracted to anyone who looks like they can provide for me? Or like, kill someone for me. I wouldn't want them to, but... y'know."

"...Right. And I like men."

▪ NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY:

"Ah, shit, I always get confused by this."

"Nationality is your country, so we're both from the NUSA."

"Right, and ethnicity is like... your culture?"

"Yeah, without getting too complicated. So you're Mexican."

"Little bit of Italian, too. Had a Nonna when I was a kid. Been dead a long time, though."

"You're depressing them!"

"You're about to make it worse. Go on, kid, tell us about your family."

"They don't need to know the sordid details. My dad was Chinese, but my mom's family and the clan raised me, so I'm closer to Mexican. See? Not depressing at all!"

▪ HEIGHT:

"My heels are deceiving you, I'm only five-two."

"Five-ten."

"Ooh, so close to six."

"And you're nowhere near it."

▪ STAR SIGN:

"Misty keeps tellin' me and I forget every time."

"You're a Capricorn, and I'm an Aries. You know both our symbols have horns? Oh, new tattoo idea!"

"I'm down."

━

▪ FAVE FRUIT:

"Have you ever even eaten a fruit? Like a real one?"

"Kerry gave me a mango, one time. It was okay. I like the fucked up little strawberries we have here more."

"Oh, I love those. Yeah, strawberries for both of us."

▪ FAVE SEASON:

"I love summer, but the heat makes me really sick if I'm not careful. So spring, I guess. Before the temps get too high."

"Winter, I think. Quieter in winter."

▪ FAVE FLOWER:

"Poppies! Look, I even have them tattooed. I adore poppies."

"Roses. No reason, I just think they're pretty, I guess."

"That's a reason!"

▪ FAVE SCENT:

"Hm. What's the scent you use, V?"

"Sandalwood. Dunno what that is, but it's what the lotion bottle says."

"Okay, then sandalwood."

"Really?"

"Well, I like a lot of smells, but you're what came to mind first."

"Man, now I don't wanna say mine. 'Cause it's not whatever you're wearing."

"You don't like my perfume?"

"It's not bad, it's just not my favorite. I like vanilla."

"Ooh, vanilla is good. Especially when it's all warm."

━

▪ COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE:

"This one roasts me all the time 'cause I like brown sugar in my coffee. Like they don't put syrup in theirs."

"Okay, I do not roast you. I just have to point out that it's weird. Every time."

"See?"

▪ AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP:

"Oh, I sleep like a rock. Usually at least 6 hours, but I'll nap during the day, too. Especially when it's hot out."

"Not many."

▪ DOG OR CAT PERSON:

"Cats. Glad they're starting to make a comeback."

"Me too. Some areas that my clan would camp in had a feral dog problem, so I've never liked them. I haven't met many cats, but they've all been chill."

▪ DREAM TRIP:

"I'd love to visit somewhere tropical. Someplace with a clean beach and nice water. Or somewhere snowy. Doesn't Japan have both?"

"Fuck if I know. I'm not really into traveling these days. Seen enough of this planet."

▪ NUMBER OF BLANKETS THEY SLEEP WITH:

"Oh, this is a funny story. V and I used to live together in this horrible little one-room apartment, and I had to get rid of my mattress because something chewed a hole in it, so V let me share his bed until I could get a new one."

"Couldn't let you sleep on the floor. Would've been eaten alive by the roaches."

"It was still really sweet of you. Anyway, I guess he got used to having me there, and after I got a new mattress and went back to my bed, he kept getting more pillows until there was a human sized pile under the blanket."

"How do you know it was 'cause of you? Maybe I just like havin' a lot of pillows to choose from."

"Okay, okay. Sure. If that helps you sleep at night."

"Nah, my sixteen pillows help me sleep at night."

"Wait, shit, they were asking about blankets, weren't they?"

▪ RANDOM FACT:

"You say one about me, and I'll say one about you."

"Hm. Gogo has a degree in mechanical engineering. Or most of one, right?"

"Well, we don't really have degrees, but I was working on my specialization when Augie got registered and we went static to take care of him. So, yeah, close to a degree. I would've had a special patch on my jacket and eventually been part of the logistics team."

"You ever regret not finishing?"

"No, Augie's more important."

"Yeah. I get that."

"Now, a random fact I know about V, is his favorite meal ever is fried polenta and spicy sausage."

"Yep. I'll never turn that shit down."

"And I like it 'cause it reminds me of cooking in camp with my clan. It's good stuff."

"Yeah."

🟦🟪

[katana-no-neko]

Call Me By My Name

Chapter 4 | ao3

"Yo, Salamander," Gajeel grumbled. "What's with the goofy face you've always got nowadays?"

Natsu rolled his eyes, not letting his cousin's bad attitude dull his own good mood. "Wouldn't you like to know," he responded, dopey grin still spreading across his lips as he continued bouncing around the domain, greeting his fellow dragons while stuffing breakfast down his gullet.

"Never mind. I really really don't."

Natsu just ignored his remark, giving a nuzzle in goodbye to his mother and sister and then leaping off the mountain and out of their home, soaring away with a mighty flap.

"That boy has spent no time at home lately!" Grandine exclaimed, watching as her son flew off, most likely not to return until the sun set.

"He's been super weird lately," Natsu's uncle Atlas agreed. "He's always been a free spirit, but he's never been so frequently absent. And I don't think I've ever seen him so giddy, not even when he knocked Gajeel off the mountain last summer."

Gajeel growled. "He didn't knock me off, I happened to stumble!"

Metallicana let out a rumbling laugh, slapping his son on the back as he and Igneel approached. "Oh yeah, cuz that's so much better!"

"But no, you're right, Atlas," Igneel nodded. "He's been grinning nonstop for four months, and spent less than half of that time here. Mostly to sleep!"

Atlas let out another booming chuckle. "He's reminding me of you at his age, Igneel! You were always flying up to the northern dragon clan to see Grandine! Didn't pay any mind to your own family!"

Igneel grinned dopily, wrapping his arm around his wife. "Yes, well, a dragon is focused on nothing else when he's in love," he rationalized, pressing a kiss to Grandine's cheek. There was a beat, and then the group's eyes widened.

"Holy shit. Is the kid in love?" Metallicana pondered. "I mean, there's no way, right? It's *Natsu*."

Grandine thought back. "It would certainly explain his behaviour... The constant smiles and happiness... And he must be visiting this mystery love of his!"

"Now I'm curious!" Igneel chuckled. "What kind of woman could have caught that boy's attention!? A dragon from another clan, maybe?"

"Perhaps a human?" Atlas suggested. "He visits that Magnolia quite a bit, wouldn't be surprised if he fell for one of those girls at the restaurant," he snickered with a sleazy grin.

"Well, we're not gonna figure it out chattering! Hey Gajeel, come here for a second!"

~~~

Gajeel grumbled to himself as he flew through the air, trying to catch a trail of Natsu's scent. The others were the ones going all gaga over Natsu's supposed love, why'd he have to follow the dumbass!? Besides, it's not like he was actually hanging out with some girl. It was *Natsu*. His cousin had never once been interested in romance.

Finally catching a whiff of Natsu, Gajeel reared his head and flew in its direction. Getting close to the source, he landed in a clearing and transformed, walking the rest of the trail. Hearing laughter from his cousin, Gajeel crouched behind some foliage and took a look ahead.

Holy shit, he *was* with a girl, from the sound of her voice! He couldn't see her very well from this angle, but they were laying on a lakeshore, chattering and laughing and splashing their feet in the water. Who was this girl? What manner of creature was she? She didn't have the scent of a dragon, but she had something special beyond a normal human's scent.

The girl sat up and poked Natsu's nose with a giggle, and Gajeel's blood ran cold. Her long ears... She was a fae. Natsu had been enchanted.

Gajeel leapt from his hiding spot, becoming a dragon again and sweeping the fae away from his cousin with a lash of his tail.

She gasped in pain as she landed, the touch of his iron leaving a burning sensation across her skin. Tears flooded her eyes as she stared up at the ferocious black dragon, poised to slash his claws across her.

Before Gajeel could move, he was rammed in the side, falling into the lake. Becoming a human again before his heavy dragon weight could sink down, he gasped for breath as he treaded water. "What the hell!?" he shouted, seeing his cousin's dragon staring down at him, crouched defensively and blocking the fae. "How stupid could you be!? Enchanted by a fae!? You've reached a new level of dumb!"

Natsu growled, crouching lower and stepping over the fae to cover her, a burst of fire coming from his nose as Gajeel swam towards them. "I'm not enchanted, and don't you dare step any closer. You hurt her any more and I hurt you."

"Oh yeah, 'not enchanted', my ass," he grumbled, climbing onto the shore and wringing water from his hair. He seethed as Natsu continued growling, more flames licking around his snout. "She's a faerie! That's what they *do!* Now step aside so I can take care of her, since you're obviously too far gone to kill her yourself!"

Rage filled Natsu as he snarled, teeth bared. Before he could do anything though, he felt a small palm against his scaled shoulder. "Natsu..." Lucy started.

Gajeel watched as the dragon's entire demeanor changed, letting go of his defensive position and moving to nuzzle against her hand and then sniffing at her injuries for blood. He was so obedient and calm with her, being enchanted was the *only* explanation! But... She'd never used Natsu's true name, had she?. Wasn't an invocation necessary to control someone?

"I'm okay," the fae assured. "Talk to him, he was just worried about you." Natsu shot a glare to Gajeel, almost like he'd forgotten the iron dragon was there until the fae had reminded him, and then he transformed.

"You go anywhere near Lucy and you're back in the lake," Natsu threatened, crossing his arms in front of him. "I swear, I'm not enchanted. Lucy does not know my true name." Gajeel raised an eyebrow and looked over to 'Lucy'. "Don't look at her, look at me!" Natsu commanded. Gajeel stood straight and brought his stare back to Natsu, not used to such a serious attitude from him. "She's my best friend. I met her a while ago and we've been hanging out nearly every day. She has never once tried to trick me into revealing my name and in fact ordered me to never say it."

Gajeel sneered. "You're sure putting a lot of trust into a *fae*."

Natsu growled again, but at Lucy's touch, stopped and took a breath to calm down. "Fine," he finally said. "You won't believe me, I'll prove it to you."

"Ha! As if anything you do will-" but Gajeel's eyes widened at Natsu's next words.

"Lucy, my true name is-"

Before Gajeel could react, Lucy had slapped a hand over Natsu's mouth.

"Natsu, you idiot!" Lucy and Gajeel both shouted. Natsu just grinned and licked the hand she still had over his mouth.

"Ewww, Natsu!" Lucy shouted, pulling it back and wiping it on his shirt. He snickered and stuck his tongue out at her, grabbing her hand and threatening to lick it again while Gajeel watched on, frowning.

"Why would you *willingly* tell a fae your name!?"

Natsu rolled his eyes, mood suddenly dampened again as he dropped Lucy's hand. "Because, moron, she would never *let* me. Didn't you see? She doesn't want my name, just my friendship. I don't care that she's a faerie." Gajeel watched Natsu wrapped his arm around her shoulders nonchalantly, almost as if it was instinct and not purposeful. "You're fine with Erza, what makes Lucy different!?"

"You know *exactly* what makes Erza different - she's half dragon and doesn't have fae magic, dipshit!"

Natsu scoffed and waved him off. "And besides. If I was under her spell, why would I keep going back home?"

Gajeel grumbled. "I suppose you have a point there."

"Just trust me, Gajeel. I know Lucy, and I know she's the most wonderful, kind *person* ever. I don't give a shit what kind of creature she is," Natsu declared earnestly, Lucy's heart swelling at his words.

Gajeel weighed Natsu's claims. Ultimately, Gajeel couldn't trust anything about the fae. But Natsu clearly did, and that was all that really mattered, he supposed. "Fine. Whatever," he sighed. "Keep hanging out with a faerie, I don't care anymore." Natsu grinned at Lucy in response, squeezing her hand in his excitement. Gajeel rolled his eyes and continued. "So what's your plan here? Just keep your girlfriend secret from-"

Natsu and Lucy both flushed and stuttered. "Whoa, whoa, who said anything about a girlfriend!?" He shouted. "I told you, 'best friend'!"

Gajeel crossed his arms and cocked his eyebrow. "Yeahhhh... Whatever you say. Either way, I don't think your dad is not going to be happy with you hanging out with a fae."

"So I won't tell him for now!"

"Pfft. That's not really gonna work considering *I'm* about to tell him. He's the one that sent me after you to find out what you've been doing!"

Natsu blanched. "Well, don't tell him! It's not like I'm hurting you by hanging out with her!"

Lucy touched a hand to his arm. "Natsu, I don't want you to get in trouble with your family because of me."

He took her palm and held it, gently rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. "It's fine, Lucy. I'll figure something out. If they can't accept you, then they're a bunch of stupid heads," he smirked. She shook her head at his comment, but couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Gods, I can't stand to watch you flirt." Gajeel ignored their further stuttering. "I'll think of something to tell your dad when I get home but you better come up with a plan."

Natsu opened his mouth to argue, but paused. After thinking for a bit, all he came up with was, "Thank you."

Gajeel grumbled as he shifted forms. "Whatever." He stared down at the faerie for a bit, who was trembling before his iron-clad body. A sting of guilt darted through him at her expression and the obvious worry his cousin had for her fear. Before Natsu could shout at him again, Gajeel gave a nod in acknowledgement to her, let his ever present scowl return, and took off into the air.

"So, what'd you find out?" Igneel had asked when Gajeel arrived home. "My son have a secret girlfriend?"

"No," Gajeel hesitated. "But he's definitely in love."

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Idle musing, would Sabrina be a member of the trauma trios "Parents suck club"? As in, are they aware Roger sucks from early on, or do they only realize it later and not long before her "If I am not being useless I shouldn't exist" Akumatization, followed by him realizing he fucked up and trying to be better?

I'm . . . honestly not sure? Like I can see an argument for both, but on the whole, I lean towards Sabrina not realizing how toxic Roger is, while the Trio do realize, but they get the extent or source wrong.

Cause like. I don’t think Sabrina thinks there's anything wrong until her breakdown. But Chloé and Adrien, they have those breakdowns a little earlier in Aware AU, right? Like, the summer before that school year, when Emilie goes missing, that’s when they both realize things are shit (I think that’s what we're going with?). And at first it might not hit them, or rather, it might not hit Chloé. Chloé's abuse looks very different. But the thing is, ADRIEN'S actually has some similarities. Sabrina is always told to "serve the community". Adrien is always told to "think of the brand". It comes out differently, because Gabriel is neglectful, while Roger isn't, but a lot of the wording could be the same. And once they have that realization, it becomes fairly easy to see Roger through the lens they see their parents through, which would be where the misconception kicks in. Gabriel is neglectful, doling out tiny bits of praise to make Adrien try his best to please him. André tries to alternately buy Chloé's affection, or make his own contractional. Audrey dangles some impossible goal in front of Chloé with the idea that, if she reaches it, she'll finally love her. In fact, I think the thing that would make them realize how toxic the relationship could be, is that a lot of what Roger says sounds like EMILIE.

Emilie wasn’t perfect. And while I headcanon her as better than Gabe, she still kept Adrien lock up. She still kept him away from the world. She was just better at explaining it to Adrien, but the thing is, with some of how Adrien acts? I see Emilie's big thing as guilt trips. Whenever Adrien wanted to go out, or do something, Emilie would make it seem like Adrien wanted to abandon her, or was hurting her feelings, which means Adrien would immediately fall over himself reassuring her. It might not have been wholly on purpose, but I can see that happening. And THAT'S a lot of how Roger reacts to things. Why aren’t you doing this? Why are you acting this way? Don't you want to be a good person?

So, Chloé and Adrien see Roger as a manipulative guilt tripper, while Sabrina thinks they're both losing it. After all, her dad is NOTHING like Gabriel, or André or Audrey, right? But I could see it eventually driving a wedge between Chloé and Sabrina, if Chloé eventually starts insisting that Roger is an awful person, while Sabrina keeps saying he's not. And like, neither are completely wrong, but they don’t have perspective. Especially for the Trauma Trio, they don’t really have experience with "good" parents. Like, they're aware they exist. But their default until proven otherwise is that all parents are manipulative people who only show you affection when they want something from you. And Roger is too close on their own parents on the scale for them to see he's just a guy who learned poor lessons of his own.

Like, again, the big difference between Roger and our other "Parents Who Suck" is that Roger does, genuinely, care for Sabrina. He does love her. It’s just the lessons he's teaching her, which he wholly believes in, that are toxic. Like, serving the community by itself is not a bad lesson, but the extremes Roger takes it to are bad, because they affect him and Sabrina negatively. Someone has taught ROGER these things, and he sees them as normal, but he thinks of them as positive lessons, right? Plus, he's stubborn, so anyone challenging him is seen as an attack, and Roger gets defensive. But regardless of this, Sabrina comes first. It’s why, when Sabrina has her breakdown, Roger would manage to put aside his personal feelings, because "shit, I hurt my kid". Like, what matters to Roger, first and foremost, is Sabrina's happiness and safety. He THOUGHT the whole "service to the community" was making Sabrina happy and keeping her safe. When he realizes it wasn’t, that it was actually making her stressed and miserable, that’s when he starts changing. Like, again, I think he NEEDED to see the negative consequences first hand, because he's a stubborn son of a bitch, but once he does see them, he is open to fixing them.

So . . . I guess I wouldn’t count Sabrina OUT of the Trauma Trio. She definitely has a less than stellar dad, and needs a LOT of therapy. But I also don’t count Roger with the other parents, because even though it’s small, he does have the capacity to change and put Sabrina first. The others don’t have that.

[emberphantom]

how long have you been a fan of iasip and how long on sunnyblr? do you know who here has been around for a long time? how has the fandom developed and changed from your perspective? has it always been so reddit-oriented? what have the main opinions (general consensus kinda shit) been in your eyes? were you into macdennis right from the start? did the fandom always follow rcg so closely or is that only after the podcast? sorry for asking so much, just interested in the history of this space

Step into my office Anon. Let me regale you the tale of Sunnyblr from the days of yore. Or whatever.

Me personally, I started watching Sunny in late summer 2019 (tragically I had just missed the fake MacDennis script panic of July 2019). My friends had it on when I went to their house and we didn't have anything else to do, so we just watched like a shitton of episodes that day and I was like hold fuck on this scratches something in my brain. I didn't start poking around on the Sunny side of tumblr until possibly a week later? I think. Basically in my skipping around Sunny episodes I was starting to pick up the vibes Mac and Dennis were putting down and as a joke I was like hmm what if I just take a look at the ao3 tag ahaha jk unless. And that was the beginning of the end. I'm not sure if I checked out the Sunny tag on tumblr first or the MacDennis tag but literally at that time it didn't matter. Sunnyblr was essentially MacDennisblr. Tumblr didn't get me into MacDennis but it definitely accelerated my hyperfixation with them This was all pre-s14 at this point for reference.

Honestly, not many people remain from that time or even before. I remember some folks I had followed reminiscing about post-s12, wondering if Dennis was coming back, or if he turned into the bar. Idk man I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with not knowing if Dennis was coming back like that would've been too much for me.

But 2019 Sunnyblr, and this may just be the nostalgia talking, but man it was magical. The gif sets, the meta breakdowns of episodes, the macdennis posts--god we were eating GOOD. It felt like one giant group chat in the best way. And then The Gang Gets Romantic happens an we were absolutely FERAL. Okay? Like picture Nov 5th but on a way smaller scale. But that was the energy, okay?

But then, tragedy struck in the form of Dee Day. That, for me was kinda the beginning of the end of that version of Sunnyblr. A lot of people were pissed. The glass shelves we had propped RCG and Megan Ganz up on had shattered. A decent amount of people left right then and there. But those who stayed were holding out for something -- a better apology from them regarding the brownface for one. And that...didn't happen (I don't want to speak more on this bc like...look I'll be real with you, I stuck my head in the sand on this one. But people had a right to be hurt by that episode and to this day I haven't rewatched it since it aired). But we trudged along. Bc it's "satire" and these are "bad people" and we are DEF getting canon MacDennis okay they are going to KISS on the MOUTH in BIG MO.

....and then they didn't. Clown shoes squeaking.

Okay trying to get this back on track...

As far as reddit goes, that's always just been the "dudebro" place for Sunny. Sometimes they make valid points and our braincells align and that warrants someone posting it here to discuss.

I feel like the general opinions kinda feel the same to me? Mac and Dennis are endgame, Archie. Dennis is bastardman but also baby. Charlie poor little meow meow. I do have to say...I feel like some stuff used to feel a bit more...grounded than it does now?? If that makes sense? Like idk man people were out here writing academic prose to describe the meta in Clip Show. And I do feel like that vibe's kinda gone. But it's not a bad thing. It's just different. Like it's more unhinged but hey we're still having fun so who cares?

Uh what else? Oh yeah so the RCG stuff. Like I said before, there was a point where Sunnyblr propped them up and we got reality checked real quick, okay? They went from being UnProblematic Kings ™ to Rob posting copaganda on his IG at the height of the George Floyd protests in June of 2020. That happening after all the shit with Dee Day was basically a powder keg. And that's honestly when Sunnyblr as I knew it, really died.

I think the podcast has def shoved them back into a more favorable light in the fandom's eyes. Speaking for myself, I never stopped stanning Glenn but Rob and Charlie and Kait were on thin fucking ice (maybe not Charlie so much but def Rob and Kait--actually mostly Rob). I think RCG have to be prevalent in the fandom as much as the characters do bc they're so close to them and the show like this IS their show y'know?

That's...all I can really think of. Like I said, not many people remain from those days. I can think of maybe a handful off the top of my head but I wouldn't consider them nearly as active as they were regarding Sunny when I joined. We're still moots but that's bc we like each other beyond the MacDennis of it all.

Sorry this is so long too lmfao. Like Sunnyblr was such a huge part of my life during that time so I guess I got shit to say. I also for real in no way consider myself the end all be all expert on this either. Like in no way am I the sole authority on Sunnyblr history. This is based on stuff I experienced and picked up on from other's posts from before my time. Anybody can chime in with their own opinions and shit. Correct me too. Idc.

Uh yeah. So I guess that's what you missed on Glee. Or Sunnyblr. The end? I hope that helped (for real).

[authoralexharvey]

Happy WBW from @magic-is-something-we-create!!

I've just been out and about camping, so I'm wondering what traveling looks like in the world of the magic university!!

Where do people tend to stay overnight on long journeys? Is camping a viable option, or are there monsters or other dangers that make it unsavory? Are there spells like D&D's Yeoman's Tiny Hut, or is magic any help with travel at all? And, finally, are there any (national/state) parks or reserves near the university??

I hope you have a lovely day!!

Welcome back from your camping trip and happy wbw @magic-is-something-we-create !! I'm sorry in advance for the size of this response.

I explored this question a lot in TOOD and in TWEfA tbh. ASMLP has the least amount of traveling in it which is,,,, weird lol

Obviously the true answer is "where and when". TOOD for example is a few hundred before ASMLP, and back then there were no cars. They were just discovering elevators! So mostly, there were communal carts, walking, boat fare, and griffin riding.

Then we zoom ahead to TWEfA, where's there's a good amount of steam technology. Trains have a transportative element to them now. Griffins have been relegated to hobbyists/rich people Ala horses in our world. There are early forms of cars (Think like. Ford Model Ts and whatnot) but mostly relegated to the rich and powerful (which is why the Scholars got access to them, due to their political influence)

And now we find ourselves in the land of ASMLP. We're more advanced at this point. We have telephones and magic everywhere and all that shit. Cars are becoming more common but still for more wealthy demographics. Communal carts have changed to trains or busses. Griffins are getting pretty rare at this point. A more limited form of transportation, ESPECIALLY for the college in ASMLP, is a trolley cart system. The college is situated on a mesa, so they take trolleys to and from the campus to visit the surrounding cities and for the summer and such. There's trolleys that connect the Master's campus to the Bachelor's (they're part of a larger campus but separated). In general, too, there are Conjuration casters who have elected to specialize in transportation and thus power sites of teleportation. The glyphs for teleportation can get rather complex, however, and can often go wrong, so there are designated teleportation sites that will get you,,, close enough to where you want to go. Think the travel systems in MMOs versus fast travel. Also due to the mechanics, this method can be a bit costly.

Speaking of teleportation, like in MMOs it's typically "place A can go to place B or C" versus connecting to multiple points. However, each country has a hub city with connections to every other hub city, so you zap to whatever country you're aiming for and kinda fine tune it from there.

As for camping and resting, similar story. It used to be a whole lot more safer for people to just. Camp in the woods during their journey. Before the events of TWEfA, monsters were largely unknown and relegated to being around Idune and other similar sights of corruption. Afterwards, however, and especially by ASMLP, monsters are a larger issue. The world's population has also increased, meaning there are more spots of civilization and more places to rest, but it's highly advised you not camp in the wilderness unless you're near such a city or are certain you can handle monsters on your own.

And as for Magic, there are spells for housing and whatnot but they tend to be temporary and will not protect you from monsters unless you make your glyphs super complicated. Because, as I've kind of hinted at, while there are base kinds of spells (fireball, teleport, etc) you have to fine-tune every spell you make for the exact purpose you're aiming for it to accomplish (so create a ball of Fire versus create a ball of fire that will inflict harm and can be thrown)... the language gets very specific. Hence why teleporting magic can be such a bitch, cause you have to essentially string a glyph that says "transport me from this exact spot to this other exact spot and keep me intact while doing so" like. It's a language all its own, as I've mentioned in a couple of previous wbws.

Finally, national parks. The answer is "yes but also no". There are a couple of sites, but the funding for such preservation and defense has since been relegated other places. It's more akin to having a military base than it is like. Having park rangers. There are areas that have been preserved, but they've BEEN preserved by planting members of anti-monster coalitions there, and as numbers dwindle or grow, so too does these sites. Some have swelled to impressive size, whereas others have disappeared entirely as their members were needed elsewhere.

There have also been sites once holy and protected, like Idune, that were overtaken by miasma and are at the present impossible to cleanse and like. Make protected again. Idune cause that's where the bodies of the old gods are, the old gods were killed by miasma, etc. It is simply... too dangerous to go there. Though people still try, like unfortunate one-chapter protagonist Chloe Duval who went to Idune to research miasma and was killed by monsters there.

I hope your day is as lovely as you are!! Thanks for the ask!!

[embracesufferdestroy]

Not related to anything DID but this is seriously the only place I have to vent

Put under cut for just the length of the post, no TW necessarily just relationship drama

I've been in a relationship these past 2 and a half, close to three years and we've known each other for about 4 years. All things considered, it's a pretty good and healthy relationship, especially compared to a lot of people. There is only one major, in my eyes, problem that we have that I struggle to talk to my boyfriend about outright because it definitely makes me feel like an asshole to point it out

My boyfriend has the mental maturity of a teenager sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to someone 7+ years younger than me and it's a huge fucking turn off. Even though we're only a year apart I feel like I have leagues more like experience than him and I don't know how to feel about it sometimes. Like 6 months ago I had a ring picked out and ready to marry him, now I have some very serious doubts about whether or not we're even gonna work out in the long run. It sucks because we do have a lot of similar life goals like kids and whatnot, and we both want an idyllic little life, but I just don't see it happening anymore

Another problem is that he is very, very, very, very, very clingy. He has told me before he'll never be able to be separated from me ever and that he'll never be able to live without me, stuff like that. Only... We're long distance. I've been trying to get him to move in with me but he won't. And it's not like he doesn't have some valid reasons for wanting to stay where he is. My problem is that he keeps making plans with me to move in with me and then pushing the date back, and pushing the date back, and pushing the date back, over and over and over. It's been years of this. I put off some MAJOR life plans in order to have enough resources for him when he moves in only for him to just be like "No I'm not moving in on this date," and now he avoids the topic almost completely. We had a pretty intense argument about this a few months ago, pretty much our only argument ever, and I told him that I no longer believed he was serious about moving in with me, how I feel like he doesn't value my time and that he's not as committed to the relationship as I am. To his credit, for a while he seemed serious after that. Then it just kinda... I don't know, went back to how it was.

During that argument I warned him that I was gonna be getting busier. I never went to college but now I wanna try. I'm living on my own though so I also need to work full time. I go to the gym, I have my side hustle and my own hobbies. Being long distance won't work for much longer and I am not waiting on him anymore. I made this very clear, that I was gonna start college whether he was here with me or not because it was one of the things I put off for a year in order to help him do something he can't commit to.

Normally we take two weeks out of the summer to visit one another, this year unfortunately it was gonna have to be one. Now due to money constraints we can't see each other at all. I was disappointed honestly, I was really looking forward to him coming over to my new, nicer place, meeting my new cat, exploring the area and whatnot. I was absolutely dreading breaking the news to him that I would have no money to pay for half of his ticket, and when I finally did he just had this like... "Oh well" attitude that to me indicated that he wasn't that heartbroken over it. I was expecting a super long conversation or for him to at the VERY least assume some fucking control over the situation, pose some ideas or whatever and he just went "That's okay" and started talking about some other shit and I was just like. Seriously that's it? I mean I'm not expecting him to like throw himself at the ground in dramatic fashion and be absolutely devastated at having to postpone the trip but he didn't even seem the least bit upset by it. He did later on say we can do Christmas but I really don't know, Christmas is such a hard time to get off for my job. Plans still seem so up in the air at the moment

And ANOTHER THING. I understand I get stressed and recluse easily, but whenever I want to just vibe on my own, he always gets so moody and makes me feel bad about wanting time for myself. I just got over a move, I've been STRUGGLING with money, I just finished my first week of work at my new job & had to spend a few hours when I got home cooking, showering, and utilizing my side hustle to get more money so I can afford fucking rent. Not something he has to worry about since he still lives with his mom. He wanted to do a voice call which like. Of course I love talking to my boyfriend. But when I am this mentally, emotionally, and physically drained, I do not like to be on call. I don't like to TALK to people. Texting is way different, can we agree?? Cause here's what's gonna happen if I get on the call with him:

1) I get on call despite not wanting to

2) Do my best to be engaged in the convo but end up being "too quiet" for him

3) he asks if I'm upset and I repeat, again, that I've had a long day and that I'm just tired

God I'm just losing faith that any of this will work out. After giving him another chance after our initial argument a few months ago, he postponed his arrival time yet again by another 6 months. I just don't even know why I fucking try, I sincerely feel like I'm the only one putting any goddamn effort into this relationship and it's not working. I would LOVE for him to prove me wrong, I really fucking would. Whenever he has a problem I have to drop everything to comfort him and find out what's wrong, but whenever I have a problem it's "Idk what you want me to say about that". I fucking hate it. Honestly I've secretly wanted to leave this relationship on and off these past few months. I really thought that argument was gonna be the nail in the coffin but we're both still here, somehow.

4) he starts having an anxious spiral that somehow I'm mad at him, not necessarily his fault, but then it turns into me having to muster up even more emotional energy to comfort him and by the end of the conversation I want nothing to do with him

I'm not gonna lie, this has been happening a lot lately. Because I've been busy, exactly like I said I was gonna be, we haven't been able to call or do things as much. And I do miss him, I wish he were here, but I don't have the same energy that he does. Being long distance for this long is only driving a wedge in between us, he agrees with that, but it feels like he doesn't care to do anything about it.

The thing is I don't hate him, I don't even think he's a bad person. I just don't think we're good for each other anymore and unless he wisens up then I'm gone. Not to say I haven't also done some shitty things, maybe I have. The thing is he never fucking talks to me about any problems and whenever I bring them up he avoids them, so if I'm doing something wrong and not noticing then I can't even begin to fix it. He has such a doormat personality which, again, I know for a fact isn't his fault, but he won't even begin to let me help him get over that fact

And look I know I'm bitching right now but day to day life is mostly enjoyable. He's one of the most interesting people I know, and one of the smartest for sure. I love his creativity, he has a new idea almost every single day and he's made strides in his artwork. There's a reason I've stayed this long, I'm just really wondering if it's gonna be all worth it in the end. I am sad over thinking these thoughts, that's why I've kept them private for so long, even in my own mind. I never wanted to admit that I just see this relationship as kind of failing. If I do break up with him, I'm honestly not even really sure where to begin for myself. He's the first person that ever made me believe I could have even a remotely normal life after all the bullshit I've been through. I really thought I was going to end up dead or as a petty criminal like the person who raised me. He's really the main reason I'm even gonna try and go to college. But recently it does feel like the negatives are outweighing anything positive that's happened.

I don't know like I said, this is really just a vent. I know the only way to get through all this is by talking to him about it, but I just don't want to end up in an argument like we did last time. It got so nasty and nothing really changed because of it

[theghostpinesmusic]

I've been traveling for a bit, so I haven't been watching any new shows, but I have a little catching up to do, so today I'm going to write at you about the 7/29/23 "Fuego"! From Arkansas!

As in "I'm in Arkansas right now," not "This Phish concert was in Arkansas," because it was in New York City, where all Phish concerts are now contractually held.

This was the second show of the summer MSG run, and it was just as good as the first. If I was being a neurotic Fandom fan, I'd say that the first show was a wee bit better because it had better paced-setlist, but I don't rate Phish shows anymore. I'm in recovery!

Anyway, the first set of this show has a freaking excellent, bliss-jammed version of "Down With Disease" as well as a well-placed "Bug," cleanly-played versions of Trey bugbears "Sugar Shack" and "Foam," and closes with a barn-burning version of "Moonage Daydream."

The second set is anchored by the "Fuego," for sure (it's thirty minutes long, as we'll get to), but also has a great post-jam landing pad in "Oblivion," a great ballad tune in "Wingsuit," and a weird and wonderful take on "2001" that melts into some Fishman shenanigans toward the end of the set.

In short and as usual, it's all good, but Phish saw fit to post the "Fuego" online, and I like writing about music a lot but not enough to talk about the whole show in detail, so we're gonna focus on that.

"Fuego," for any uninitiated, is from the same-titled 2014 album, which, like most latter-day Phish albums is weirdly paced but also full of good songs that get shit on because they weren't written in the 90s. "Fuego" in particular is a great example of a post-breakup Phish tune that contains lots of the proggy twists and turns fans say they want to hear in the new tunes, but it often gets poo-poo'd anyway because it isn't literally "You Enjoy Myself" or "Divided Sky."

I like it a lot. It's a fun composition that throws a lot of different ideas out there and, like the best Phish tunes, stitches them together seamlessly. Everyone gets moments to shine, but to me "Fuego" is primarily a Jon Fishman showcase.

Since there are a lot of instrumental passages built into this one, it can be hard for the non-fan to figure out what's composed and what's improvised, so, for your reference, the song proper runs up through 5:15.

From there, we start with what I'd call a typical outro, following the song's chords and Trey playing variations on the song's main melody in a grungy blues tone. While this isn't immediately that exciting, the lights sure are. I seriously can't get over this rig, even just watching from home.

Things start to get a little weirder right before 7:00, when Trey changes his tone to something spacier and chunkier (I think of this as one of his quintessential post-COVID tour tones). It's not until 7:45, though, that we really start to break away from the song entirely. Here, Page adds some synth droning, and Fish starts playing a more complicated beat. Trey reprises the "Fuego" melody a few more times, not entirely letting it go yet, but you feel the band starting to launch.

At 8:35, Trey starts chording instead of solo, and we're off to the races. The lights seems to respond in kind.

Even though we're in a much jauntier, abstract space by 9:15, thanks mostly to Trey and Page's playing, I appreciate that Trey still takes a minute to reprise the "Fuego" melody again, reminding us where we came from.

There's a really gorgeous section of Trey and Page interplay starting at 9:45. Fish and Mike do a great job of filling in the edges here but not getting in the way as the other two play off of each other. This leads into a really upbeat, unique jam section. Mike's bass eventually takes on a sort of droning quality that encircles the jam and holds it in place for a bit.

At 11:20, Fish changes up the beat, and the band moves toward something with a little more form to it. By 11:45, it's Trey and Mike that are playing off of each other, while Page has moved over the clav. For a minute here, it's hard for me to tell which is the guitar and which is the bass, Trey's guitar is so wonderfully distorted.

They come out of the distortion in a bit more of a traditionally Phish-y space, and though Trey seems to struggle playing what he wants to be playing here briefly, it's a nice section of the jam anyway. Fishman's drums remind me a bit of "Manteca," and I found myself singing the lyrics while I was watching this live. The rest of the band seems to lock on to the "Manteca" feel, and we get a jam that highlights Page's piano and Trey's...robot guitar (?) in equal measures.

I didn't pick up Mike's playing on this too much when I watched the whole show because of the mix on the webcast, but I can hear him a lot better now through my headphones and he's a much bigger part of the sound of this jam that I realized before. As usual. Go Mike!

Around 17:15, Trey switches from his murky tone to the quintessential sharp, clear Phish tone and proceeds to absolutely rip a solo. He and Page have another great moment of chemistry here, and though Fishman's initially introduce some tension with the feel-good soloing, eventually he and Mike help power Trey and Page to some major-key fun.

At 19:05, the band engages in some stop-start jamming, which is always good for a few "Woo!"s from the crowd. At 19:35, though, Trey jumps right back into playing smoothly, and leads the rest of the band into what sounds to me for all the world like a "Golden Age" jam. I wondered the first time and again now if they were originally planning to go into "Golden Age" here (I'm not-entirely-but-mostly-sure it's in the same key and everything). Regardless, Mike is an absolute beast out in front of this part of the jam while everyone else is adding some fantastic accents.

To clarify, I am not sad that this jam does not turn into "Golden Age": this section is amazing, and reminds me of some of my favorite dark, funky jamming from the early 2000s, post-hiatus.

It feels to me (again, not a music theory guy) that Trey throws out a key change at 23:28, which changes the feel of the jam again, moving us toward a more uplifting space. Page switches to the piano, Fishman simplifies the beat to something a bit more rock-and-roll, and Mike...well, Mike just keeps doing his Mike thing. Which is fine. It feels though like the band is rounding the bend on the space exploration that has been this jam here, though, and heading back to the barn. If I'm not mistaken, this new section of the jam is in the original key of "Fuego," so we're musically as well as existentially back at home base. Pretty sure Page teases the "Fuego" melody a few times here.

Of course not content to just roll to the finish line, the band takes one last foray into space around 26:30, with Trey moving to the octave shifter and the music becoming...circular? I'm not sure what you'd actually call it, but it's great and the lights are insane. I feel like I'm at EPCOT Center in the 80s. It's these sudden, brief-but-intense forays into different soundscapes that makes me love post-COVID Phish so much (among other things). A show (or a run of shows) with so many of these little moments would have easily been in the conversation for show of the year between 2009 and 2019, but now it's just sort of seen as "normal." I hope it never stops making me as happy as it does now.

Brilliantly, Trey signals the return to "Fuego" at 28:08, at which point, watching live, I remember standing up from the couch and literally pumping my fist at the TV in joy. For the next minute or so, the band expertly weaves the previous jam and the "Fuego" melody in and out of each other as the music ever so slowly winds down. Ultimately, the jam/song lands perfectly in "Oblivion," though, unfortunately, the stand-alone YouTube video cuts off before you get to hear it.

It's wild to listen to this again and immediately think that if this had been a jam at, say, a 2014 or 2018 show, it would likely have automatically been seen as the jam of the year. Here, in 2023, it's just one of many such performances I've already seen in the first four shows of this seven show run, and is probably outclassed by at least a few jams from the band's December MSG run (as well as the recent 2024 Mexico run that I haven't listened through yet). It's a crazy time to be getting back into Phish, and it's moments like these that have me thinking about making the drive out to Denver this summer for the first time since 2017 to see them play for four nights.

Anyway, more from summer 2023 soon!

FUEGOOOOOOOOOOO

[elviratheepic]

Idk if I'll stick with this, but I've been in hospital for over a week now and I can feel my brain turning to mush, so I'm thinking it might be good to post like a journal thingy here. I can just throw my thoughts to the void and if anyone feels like throwing any thoughts back at me, maybe I'll reminded what human interaction is lol

And who knows, maybe some bits and pieces of my experiences rn might be handy to someone who ends up seeing it. This is a weird time for me, maybe someone else around here's having, has had or will have some similar weird times and we'll have made a little connection even if we don't speak :)

I mentioned it briefly in a post on my art blog, but to flesh it out a bit, I've been generally run down and really quite unwell like all summer and now into autumn. Been back and forth to the doctor, told I have chest infections, possible asthma, etc. I get booked in for an xray and then something looks weird so a ct scan, still thinking it's pneumonia with some odd symptoms, then a couple days later I get a call from my doctor telling me i am going to the hospital asap, there's a bunch of fluid in my chest that should not be there and also they need to check for lymphoma. I've never been to hospital for more than an orthodontist appointment and while not as surprised as I could be expected to be by the thought of cancer due to having had a weird anxiety fixation thing on the idea for a while (fun coincidence), it was still a bit of an ordeal lol. This was 10 days ago and I have not been home since. I've been coping pretty well considering the wild lack of control I feel over literally anything rn. The steroids they've got me on rn while I wait for further treatment have me feeling better than I have in a long while, and mentally the worst I've been dealing with is some fairly mild dissociation. Just kind of taking things as they come for now, rolling with things as best I can especially while so many things are kind of a bit up in the air and subject to change.

But I mean drama aside, the current diagnosis for me is pretty good. The cancer as it appears right now is treatable and has a pretty great cure rate. It's a "primary mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma" according to the leaflet I've got. It's high grade, so fast acting and aggressive but that actually makes these easier to get rid of than low grade slower working ones. It's hanging out next to my heart so that's the reason I've had all these bullshit symptoms in my chest cuz it's just been fuckin shit up in there and irritating its roommates. They've got me booked in for a pet scan day after tomorrow cuz the scanner was having issues so they couldn't get me in sooner, then the plan is to start chemotherapy the next day. Which will be an experience. The treatment plan we've basically already decided is 6 21-day cycles of chemo where I'll be in hospital for about 5 days getting monitored and adjusted treatment, then going home for the rest and coming back to start the cycle again. It's not going to be the most fun and easy experience of my life but tbh I've done hard things before and I know I'm capable of doing this. Not that this kind of thing can ever really come at a "good" time, but I think that personally I'm pretty lucky this came along at the point in my life it did. I've been able to spend the last couple years basically building myself back up from feeling entirely lost, shattered and directionless after a pretty traumatic attempt at university durring covid lockdowns. I'm maybe lacking in some life experience people my age tend to have, but ultimately I have confidence, strength and self-awareness now that I do not take for granted. Basically I got the chance to reinforce my foundations in unkowing preparation for this whole thing. Honestly, I'm kind of just curious who I'll be on the other side of this experience - wherever that may be.

My main concern has been my siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all very close, spend a lot of time together and are at the core of eachothers' support systems. One of them's got college stress and deadlines, the other's out of school with anxiety issues rn, and my instinct is to be there as a support. And of course they would be supporting me too, it's not all give, they're amazing at being there for me too especially while I've been unwell (I love them so so much and I'm proud of everything they do can you tell lol). But while they have been visiting when they can, we don't get so much time together rn with me being in hospital and I feel like it's hard to get a gauge on how things really are with eachother at the moment which is rough with there being so much change going on rn. I know we'll figure things out, but I can't help worrying about them a bit, I feel like it's kind of my job lol

Oof can you tell it's getting late and my brain's going sleepy ramble mode? Idk if I'm even making much sense but hey

The ward I've been moved to for this is good. It's a cancer ward for teens and young adults with a common room area funded by the teenage cancer trust. There's guitars, a ps4, craft supplies and free snacks. It feels so weird that like that space is for me to use, like I'm kinda tresspassing on something for people who need it more than I do. But the ward's fairly quiet and not so busy at the moment, so when my siblings and briefly my friend came to visit me today, we basically had free reign of the space without having to disturb anyone. I feel more comfortable in there than I did, and I think it's a good space for my siblings to be when they come visit. I'm really greatful they get to use it with me - even if I feel kind of like others deserve the space more (ik im being silly), seeing them get good use and some fun out of it today was good and reassuring. It's reassuring to hear people talking about there being support systems for siblings too should they need them. Especially when it feels like I can't look out for them so much in the ways I normally would.

But yeah, I think that's about all that's in my brain for right now. I'll look back on this tomorrow and realise none of this actually made any sense lol

But yeah basically got thrown a bit of a curveball lately as life tends to do, but there's answers now where there wasn't before, and the path ahead's starting to make itself visible. It sucks, but I've been worse. I'm not just saying that for the sake of offsetting the fact that it sucks, I'm just taking the the little wins where i can cuz I know that's gotten me through plenty rough and sucky times before.

Some little wins:

Woke up to magpies outside the window this morning. One came right up to the glass to say hi, but I couldn't snap a picture in time lol <3

My friend brought me a rainbow sensory slug companion, and I made a pipecleaner creature named Spigley while my siblings were here. They are friends and will be my chemo companions :)

(Idk if that's a mouth or a moustache but i think it suits him either way)