#thoughts of the past fears of the future

[lambtotheslaughterr]

Thoughts of the Past, Fears of the Future

A Rafe Cameron Oneshot

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 4.9k

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all AI images are created from prompts i wrote. they are not real images.

Summary: Reader suffered a traumatic accident at the hands of her stalker. In wake of her attack, she returns to the world with no memories of the last year of her life. Determined to get her somewhere safe & back on her feet, reader's boyfriend, Rafe Cameron, brings her to his hometown. But reader's memories are returning sooner than later & the man whose face is blurred from that night is beginning to look a lot like the boyfriend beside her...

            Rafe Cameron was the foundation of everything you knew, & you meant that. When you woke up in the hospital he was the first face you saw. The doctors explained to you what had happened, & he held your hand the whole time.

            “You were attacked.” Your primary doctor revealed.

            “Your boyfriend,” he gestured to the handsome stranger sitting in a chair besides your bed, “reported you missing to the local authorities two days prior to you being found.”

            “Where was I found?” The voice that came from you didn’t sound like your own, It was hoarse, shaky, full of fear.

            “On the side of a road outside the city.”

            A brief flash of headlights blurred your vision & you held your head.

            “I think that’s enough for today.” Your boyfriend had said to the doctor.

            That was a month ago. Rafe had filled you in on the rest of the story.

            You had a stalker. There was no name or face that you could recall. But Rafe told you that in the weeks leading up to your disappearance that you revealed to him your concerns. He insisted on wanting to go to the police, at file a report so it was on record if your stalker ever crossed into dangerous waters, but apparently you had more faith.

            But your faith only landed you in the hospital. Rafe recited to you how on the night you disappeared you were supposed to be getting off from work late. Because of your concerns regarding your stalker, Rafe was to pick you up. But you had gotten off an hour earlier than planned & when you tried calling Rafe that night he had his phone on silence, missing your call. You assumed you would be safe enough to get home on your own. You couldn’t have been more wrong.

            Your stalker attacked you at some point between your work & home, & all of it was lost to you. Not just the nights you were taken, but the entire last year, including your boyfriend.

            You had no memory of the man who you called boyfriend.

            He said that the two of you had only been dating for seven months, having met at a work party. The relationship was casual at first—sex mainly—but eventually evolved into a full-blown relationship.

            That startled you when you first heard it. From what you knew about yourself, you weren’t a ‘casual’ kind of girl. In fact, you had only had sex once before & it was in college when you were young & naïve. Since then, you never really had another opportunity nor cared to seek one out.

            But Rafe recalled you having made the first move. He said that the two of you had been flirtatious all night but after a few drinks it was you who suggested going back to your place. That information alone was more than enough for you to handle.

            You grew angry towards Rafe, accusing him of lying to you because you knew that you had never once in your life being that kind of woman. You were a loner, always had been. Growing up in an orphanage had been a constant reminder that you were not wanted. It shaped your view of the world & made you a quiet person with a bitter surface. Whatever Rafe was feeding you tasted like shit & you called him out on it.

            It was only then that Rafe told you the truth: the real truth.

            “I’m sorry…” He hung his head low as he sat on the foot of your shared be. Apparently you two had moved in together rather quickly. After confessing your concerns about your stalker to Rafe, he moved in to be closer.

            “I have been lying…” You felt your face sour at his admittance.

            “But not for the reasons you think.” You hadn’t gotten that far in your own thought process: the why. But since he had mentioned, your thoughts ran rampant with that single question. Why?

            “You had it rough before, _____.” He began, looking solemnly into your eyes, “You were depressed, lonely, you were even shutting me out.”

            That made you frown but your suspicions had yet to disappear.

            “Our sex life wasn’t as great as I’m making it out to be. But we did have one.” Rafe sighed heavily, reaching for your hands which you reluctantly let him, “You weren’t the flirtatious, confident person I’m making you out to be, but I thought that if I made you believe you were you’d, I don’t know, feel better?”

            “Lying to me would make me feel better?” You pointed out.

            “I know, I know.” Rafe shook his head in shame, “I just didn’t know what else to do. It killed me seeing you like that every day. And then when you finally told me about the stalker… I felt helpless. You were getting worse. Not taking my calls, not answering your door, not even showing up to work. I thought the worst!”

            He blinked his eyes rapidly, & it was then you noticed his eyes had begun to water.

            “So, I insisted on moving in. You put up one hell of a fight, you did, but I had to, scared that if that creepy faceless fuck didn’t get to you that your mind would.”

            The room was silent for some time as you absorbed his words. You felt it was more accurate then the bullshit he fed you before but you still felt wary. Other than that, you had no real reason to question his role in your life. Police confirmed the call logs between your phone numbers, his clothes were strewn about your apartment, there was pictures of the two of you together on his phone—though those were few since you were always camera shy. You just didn’t appreciate him making you out to be someone you knew well-enough you weren.t

            “I just don’t want you to be as paranoid as before, it…ate away at you.”

            You inhaled sharply, “I’m always going to be paranoid. For as long as he’s out there not caught, I’m going to be paranoid. There’s no escaping him. I’m sure he’s watching us right now.”

            Rafe frowned at that, instinctively approaching the windows in your bedroom to peer outside. You were only on the second floor making it easy for anyone to peer in from below, as long as they were standing across the street.

            But Rafe had an idea then, one that although made you feel anxious, you couldn’t say ‘no’ to.

            “So, we’ll leave.” He sat beside you on the bench below your window, his arm thrown over your shoulders, “Come home with me. To my home in North Carolina.”

            Whoa. North Carolina? That was way off the beaten path. You had lived in the city your whole life. But in all honesty, what was keeping you there? You had no family to speak of, no friends, even your coworkers wouldn’t notice your absence. Besides, if you did stay, it would only be a matter of time before your stalker attacked you again, & there was no saying you’d be as lucky as you were the first time he took you.

            So, the plan was set. Rafe & you would be leaving the city & going back to his hometown. It took a month to get everything squared away. You were forced to end your lease early but they let you off easily given your circumstances. Then you put a majority of your possessions in storage, apparently not needing them where you were going. You quit your job & they were polite enough to throw a going away party, but you had been the first to leave. And then, before you knew it, you were in the passenger seat of your boyfriend’s truck heading out of the city & towards the coastline.

            Rafe had been right. The further you got from the city the better you felt. The long drive had been fitful in your sleep, still having minor images & flashbacks to what had happened to you, but nothing you hadn’t already told the police.

            “I don’t remember a face. Or anything, really.” Whatever your attacker had done to you had wiped your memory. Doctors had confirmed that you suffered some head trauma, but not the kind that usually affected the memory part of your brain. They suggested it was the trauma of it all that kept you from remembering, but ultimately concluded it was a mix of the two.

            But they had warned you that you may get images of the events that happened & if you ever saw something new, to inform the detectives handling your case immediately. The likelihood of your attacker being caught grew slimmer with every day that passed & you were the key to the case. As much as you dreaded any memories returning, you too wanted to see the man who hurt you put behind bars.

            “Hey.” Rafe’s voice made you jump, his hand reaching for yours in your lap, “You alright?”

            “Y-yeah.” You cleared your throat as you gazed outside of your window the urban cityscape long forgotten & traded by towering trees & plains.

            “We’ll be there within the hour.” His thumb brushed the back of your hand. You nodded, silently grateful for the change in environment. It was just what you hoped you needed.

            “It is so nice to finally meet you!” The blonde woman greeted as she pulled you into a hug, “Rafe never told us he was bringing someone special!”

            You felt yourself falter at that but recovered quickly as she pulled you away to look you over, her eyes dancing across your features before glancing at your mundane, practical clothing.

            “Because I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I ever mentioned her.” Rafe replied knowingly as he handed his bags & your one bag to a staff member of the house.

            Pulling into the driveway of Rafe’s childhood home had taken you by surprise. You imagined you knew your boyfriend came from money before you accident but Rafe had failed to mentioned it in the month you prepared to leave.

            The house was extravagant, timelessly beautiful & akin to its southern architectural charm. It had a million dollar view of the ocean & was filled with the light, warmth, & heart you imagined most family homes to be like. It was everything you never had, & Rafe’s step-mother, Rose, treated you immediately like one of her own.

            “It must’ve been a long drive, you gotta be exhausted.” She noted as she kept her eyes between the two of you.

            “Very.” Rafe confirmed as he placed his arm around your waist. “Is our room made up?”

            “Of course, we’re always ready for guests.”

            You smiled a thanks at her as Rafe led you to the grand staircase beyond the foyer.

            “Get lots of rest!” Rose exclaimed from behind, “We’re having a welcome back brunch in the morning.”

            Rafe grumbled at that, rolling his eyes. He said nothing until he led you into a bedroom overlooking the ocean.

            “Wow.” You breathed out, admiring the setting sun in the horizon, “Was this your room?”

            Rafe glanced around the room, “Once. Rose couldn’t wait to turn it into a guest room when I moved out.”

            “Mmm.” You stood by the windows, staring out, already feeling rejuvenated, “When was that?”

            Rafe dropped onto the bed, his arms outstretched as he kept his eyes closed, “When was what?”

            “When you moved out.” You crossed over to the bed, sitting on it with one knee propped, watching your boyfriend relax into the mattress.

            “Couple years ago.” He opened one eye, squinting up at you as the setting sun shined into the room, “Why do you ask?”

            You shrugged, resting your chin on your knee, “Just trying to get to know you. All over again.”

            Rafe smirked at that, rolling onto his stomach until his head was forcing your leg down so he could rest it in your lap. He peered up at you, “Let’s save that for later. I’m tired.”

            You pressed your lips together but nodded.

            “I’m really happy you’re here.” He whispered as his eyes fluttered close, “It’s about time you came home with me.”

            The brunch unnerved you to no end. Rose had came to your bedroom that morning with a dress she had went & bought earlier that morning. Rafe was already gone by the time you woke so you stayed in the bedroom, too awkward feeling to roam about his house where his family lived without him.

            “Oh, that really wasn’t necessary.” You told her but felt elated at the gift. Having grown up in an orphanage, you were not custom to gifts, at least not personal gifts bought with you specifically in mind.

            “Nonsense.” Rose batted away your reluctance, “I’m not as close to Sarah & Wheezie as I’d like to be, so this gives the chance to really have a daughter.”

            Rose smiled sweetly at you, gesturing for you to go to the en suite bathroom & try the dress on, “Well?”

            “Right.” You didn’t know how to say ‘no’, not used to receiving gifts, “Thank you, Rose.”

            “Of course, sweetheart.”

            She was much too young to be your mother but you still felt grateful towards her. From what little you knew about Rafe’s family, his mother had bailed when he & his siblings were young & his father dedicated most of his time to his business. Rose entered the picture only a few years ago & had desperately tried to make the family a family. You could tell that Rafe didn’t appreciate that aspect about her, often passive aggressively making comments about her, but you had never had a family. So, you welcomed it with open arms.

            You slipped into the dress, admiring it in the mirror. It was definitely nothing you would ever wear, let alone own, but it felt nice looking in the mirror & seeing someone who didn’t just dress is drabby, dark colors.

            You re-entered the bedroom & Rose, who had been sitting on a bench near the foot of the bed, rose with admiration in her eyes, “Oh my, don’t you look stunning!”

            “I don’t know about that.” You shifted awkwardly under her gaze. But she approached you nonetheless & began to inspect you closer.

            “Now, all’s we need is a little bit of makeup & some hair styling & you’ll take everyone’s breath away.”

            And so for the next thirty or forty minutes, Rose applied all sorts of make-up to your face & tussled with your hair until it was to her satisfaction. Once she was done, she peered proudly at you, “A totally new woman.”

            With that, she gently spun you around so you could face the mirror.

            Who you saw wasn’t you. Who looked back at you as you stared unbelievingly into the mirror was a brighter woman, a woman filled with content & light. She was everything you were not, but you enjoyed her sight.

            “What do you think?” Rose met your eyes in the mirror as she appraised her handiwork.

            “I think you’re a miracle worker.” You joked.

            She chuckled lightly at that, “I’ve always wanted a daughter of my own.”

            That was a random confession but you turned to her, “I always wanted a mother.”

            Rose’s face softened, nodding in understanding, “I hope you know that you have a family here. Rafe has kept you a secret all this time but I overheard him speaking with Ward this morning about how you were an orphan.”

            You lowered your eyes at that.

            “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Rose told you, “Though I was dealt a better hand in life than you were, I never felt like I belonged to a family until I met Ward. His kids give me a hard time & will likely never see me as their mother, but we’re a family. And now you’re a part of it, too.”

            You finally looked up at her, your eyes watering.

            “Don’t cry.” She teased, wiping at the sensitive skin under your eyes, “That eyeliner isn’t cheap.”

            The two of you shared a laugh before she inhaled with finality, “I left a pair of heels for you in the bedroom. Brunch starts any moment. Finish getting ready & we’ll see you down there, alright?”

            You nodded, steeling yourself against the sudden onslaught of emotions.

            “Rose.” You called after her as she made to exit the bathroom, “Thank you.”

            She simply smiled in return.

            Meeting the rest of Rafe’s family was not as endearing as your one-on-one with Rose. Ward Cameron, the matriarch, was kind enough but carried that urban coolness you were used to from city folk. Sarah was friendly but she cared little to get to know you. As for Wheezie, it was clear she didn’t want to be there in general. But everyone spoke amongst themselves & you were happy enough to just listen.

            Brunch took place on the rear patio of their house. Kitchen staff brought plates & cleared them, refilling glasses as they went. You weren’t too hungry but didn’t want to come off as ungrateful so you forced yourself to eat as the meal carried on. But the pleasant brunch began to take a turn for the worse when one of the staff members accidentally spilled Rafe’s mimosa onto his shirt.

            “Goddamnit!” He yelled, causing all the girls at the table, staff included, to jump in surprise.

            But it did more than just make you jump, it transferred you to a dark memory.

            “Goddamnit!” A voice wailed & you felt your heart racing. You scrambled to your feet & ran blindly through the trees.

            It was him, the man who had been following you. He snagged you off the street, the sweet smell of chloroform filling your nostrils as you struggled against him. You hadn’t seen his face, but when he deposited you into the backseat of his rig, his face finally appeared. It was blurred though as you slipped into unconsciousness.

            A sharp gasp escaped you as you leapt from your seat at the table. You were panting as if you had just been running & tears caked your cheeks.

            “_____, what’s wrong?” Rose frowned in concern.

            Rafe hissed but his focus quickly shifted to you, his eyes staring worriedly up at you.

            “_____?” He said, his voice sounding far away.

            “_____!” His voice hollered behind you as you tripped before rolling down a steep decline.

            When Rafe touched you though, you jumped yet again, this time away from him.

            You stared down at him wide-eyed. Was it…?

            “I’m sorry.” You shakily voiced, “I’m not feeling well all of a sudden..”

            Without another word, you turned away from the questionable look on the Cameron’s faces & raced inside, heading straight for the stairs. Once you got up there, you threw yourself into the room you shared with Rafe & collapsed against the door.

            Your back ached when you came to a stop at the bottom of the steep decline, having been slammed against the trunk of a tree. Panicked breaths escaped you as you moved to army crawl along the forest floor but froze when you heard him above you.

            “­_____!” The voice, his voice, yelled in search of you, “Don’t hide from me! I will find you!”

            But you lied still, deathly still to evade his searching eyes. It was too dark in the forest, not even a sliver of the moon in the sky to aid your attacker in finding you.

            A branch snapped followed by the flapping of birds wings sounded nearby. You listened as your attacker cursed quietly to himself & took off in that direction, the opposite direction of you.

            Now, you had to move now!

            But as you struggled to your feet, you whimpered & fell back down. Your feet were bare, sore & torn apart from running. But you couldn’t lie there, he would find you. With the remaining strength you had left, you crawled away from his last known position. But exhaustion was getting the better of you. Tears blurred your vision as you sought desperately for a way out.

            It wasn’t until you felt the soft, lumpy texture of the forest earth shift to a rough, flat surface that you finally lifted your head. You were on the side of a road. And in the distance, a pair of headlights. You felt yourself collapse against the pavement, your hand outstretched.

            An engine grew closer until it stopped near you. Doors were thrown open & panicked voices sounded.

            “Call 911!”

            You choked back sobs as you covered your mouth with your hands, the memory of you being found filling the gaps.

            A knock sounded on the door against your back, followed by your boyfriends voice.

            “_____?”

            “_____!”

            It was him. The man who attacked you… it was Rafe.

            Rafe eyed you from across the foyer, his expression unreadable as a few police officer’s & detectives stood between the two of you.

            Before Rafe had the chance to console or question your sudden burst during brunch, you had locked yourself in the en suite bathroom & called the number that was given to you by the detective handling your case.

            You didn’t leave the bathroom until they arrived, despite Rafe’s plea’s for you to come out. The detective had contacted the local authorities in the area you were currently in to dispatch to your location until he could arrive. When he finally had, it was late afternoon. Only then did you emerge from your tiled cave.

            Rafe wanted to approach you immediately, concern & mild anger gracing his features, but police officer kept the two of you separate as the detective led you from the second floor to the main.

            “You can use my office.” Ward had offered, his eyes hard as he watched you disappear within.

            Once you & the detective were safe & alone, you revealed to him everything. Your memories, Rafe’s voice in them, how you had no relatives or friends to even confirm his identity of being your boyfriend despite what the police already secured for you.

            He listened intently & without dismissal as you fearfully panted, “Please, get me out of here!”

            He nodded then but it was followed by a frown, “I’m afraid, Miss. _____, that the man who attacked you was not your boyfriend, Rafe Cameron.”

            “What?” You returned exasperated, “But I just told you—”

            “I know, Miss. _____, I’m not dismissing what you’re saying. I’m just informing you that we found the man who took you.”

            What? You faltered at that, frowning deeply before shaking your head, “No, no, then you got the wrong man!”

            You hissed but attempted to keep your voice low, “Rafe took me! I remember!”

            “But you said you didn’t see his face in the memory. Just his voice?”

            “Well, yes, but the rest will return. As far as his voice is concerned—”

            “When you memory does return, you’ll find that the face of the man who took you is this one.”   

            The detective pulled out a piece of paper on it before handing it to you. You flashed your eyes to his before accepting it. On the paper he gave you was an arrest report, the mugshot of a man in his mid-30’s in the top right corner.

            “His name is Jay Shelton, this is the man who took you.”

            But you shook your head, staring at the unfeeling eyes of the man in picture. There was no inkling, no gut wrenching at the sight of his face, no voices in your head screaming at you ‘that’s him, that’s him’! There was no bodily response, conscious or otherwise.

            “How do you know?” You questioned, your voice firm.

            “Because.” The detective eyed you, “He confessed a few hours ago.”

            “He--?” It didn’t make sense.

            “He confessed to everything, Miss. _____. Stalking you, keeping track of your routine, following you home, we even found a few of your possessions in his apartment. He revealed details of your kidnapping that we never told you about. This is the man.”

            “No, but—” But your memories.

            “I’ve been in this field a long time, Miss, & I hope it brings you some sort of comfort when I tell you that thinking the person who hurt you is someone close to you isn’t unheard of. There was a case a few years ago in Florida where a woman suffered amnesia, much like your case, & was convinced that her memories were filled with her father having attacked her.”

            “But it wasn’t her father?” You frowned.

            “No. To my understanding, the mind—when in the process of healing itself—will cling to the faces we know in an attempt to fill in gaps of the memory.”

            “But I didn’t see his face in my new memories. I heard his voice & it was…”

            “The same theory applies. Audio, visual, it’s all the same. What your brain is trying to do is give you answers. And in this case, the answer it clung to was your boyfriend’s.”

            You hung your head, emotions of all sorts racking your mind.

            “I can’t imagine what it is you’re going through, but I hope you know that the man out there, who you are convinced hurt you, was at the police station every day until you were found. Only leaving when we forced him to, but he would always come back.”

            Unshed tears blurred your vision.

            “So, Jay Shelton… what happens now?”

            “Now that we have a confession it’ll go through the judicial system.”

            “And I’ll have to be present for that.” You confirmed without question.

            “Most likely. It’ll take your testimony to get him longer time. A confession can always be recanted.”

            You nodded, “So, I panicked for nothing?”

            “Not for nothing. When I left the city to come here I was prepared to arrest your boyfriend, but I got the call about Shelton halfway here. You did what you thought was right & no one will fault you for that.”

            You deadpanned at that, “Except for my boyfriend & his family.”

            The detective sighed but reassured you, “They’ll understand. Especially once we explain everything to them.”

            “We?” You flickered your eyes to his.

            “From the sounds of it, you’ve been on your own most your life. And with this scary event having happened to you, I think you could use some support in facing your boyfriend. So, we’ll do it together.”

            “Together.” You grinned unsurely at that, but nodded your thanks.

            “Are you ready?”

            “As I’ll ever be.”

            It was late by the time you & Rafe returned to your room for the night.

            The night had been long & hard.

            The detective stayed true to his word & assisted you in telling Rafe & his family what happened. Most understood, your boyfriend included, but the same couldn’t be said for Ward.

            “Nothing like cops coming to my house in the middle of the day for our neighbors to see my son being accused of kidnapping.”

            His reaction had hurt you but Rafe hugged you against him, “Dad. She was scared.”

            Ward ignored his son but the detective had your back. You apologized profusely to Rafe’s family & Rose, much to your relief, hugged you. Ward was still upset & departed to his office for the rest of the night, but Rafe reassured you that he would get over it in time.

            But as you two got ready for bed, you felt most sorry to Rafe. After all, he had done everything in his power to make you feel safe & even brought you home to his family, & then you had accused him of being the man who attacked you, of lying & manipulating you the entire last month. Fortunately, Rafe didn’t blame you, but Jay Shelton.

            “At least he’s behind bars, now.” You added. And Rafe sighed with relief.

            “At least.”

            You went to bed shortly after, falling into a mostly undisturbed sleep. But at some point in the night, you felt yourself wake. Your lids were heavy, your muscles more so. It felt like a dream as you attempted to lift your head but you were much too delirious to do so. Rafe had given you some of Rose’s sleeping pills & you imagined this was one of the effects of them. But as you felt yourself slipping back into unconsciousness, you heard a pair of voices.

            They were far, at least further from your room. As you tried to narrow in on them in your sluggish mind, you felt as if they were right outside the bedroom door. And you recognized both voices, at least you thought you did.

            “That is the last time I cover your ass.” A harsh voice sounded. You frowned in your lethargic state, thinking it sounded like Ward’s.

            “It won’t happen again.” That one sounded like your boyfriend’s, but their voices began to grow further away as darkness lined your vision yet again.

            “It better not. Because then next time, you’ll be forced to finish the job you started back in the woods.”

            Your heart pulsed & panic gripped you but the feelings quickly evaded your consciousness. Sleep awaited you, the drugs working you hard. And as you slipped back into a deep sleep, you felt relieved that you would wake to Rafe, to Rose, to a family you never had.

this is 9/10 requests from my 500 followers celebration request opening!

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[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[your-unfriendlyghost]

weird dream a few nights ago

Yeah idk freaked me out a lil bit lol, wanted to try roughly capturing the feeling of it ya dig?

I pretty much never have nightmares, so when I do, I remember them. Happens like once every two years, but there’s always teeth. I always wake up from them feeling vaguely on edge and very unsettled, which is bizarre for me. I don’t have any phobias or specific fears, but when I’m asleep, I guess I suddenly get really scared of teeth.

there’s no valid reason for this to happen- I’ve never had any scary experiences with dentists or teeth, I’ve never lost a tooth in a traumatic way, I don’t have all that many cavities really…

[mezimraky]

So what on earth is happening with the Czech election right now? Who is this general? Do people actually want Babiš? How does this vote work?

it's complicated! essentially, what is happening in czech rep right now is the third ever direct presidential election. meaning, every citizen over the age of 18 gets a vote. the last two elections ended with miloš zeman as the winner. miloš zeman is a bitter old man who is a rude drunk but people felt represented by him, and so elected him twice.

the second time around there was a big wave of dislike for zeman but the voters did not manage to pool in to one other candidate but instead spread to at least three fractions, making it impossible to beat zeman. this is not the case this year, with this election.

the first round of the election ended with two favourites. generál petr pavel and andrej babiš. they both had around 30something% of votes and ended within less than a percent to each other.

andrej babiš, the poplusist oligarch, is the head of the biggest political party in the country, ANO. andrej babiš is also a businessman who first went into politics in cca 2011 and his main positive was that "as a rich businessman he would not need to steal from the people as a politician." and "as a successful businessman he can run the country like he runs his company". they essentially built their popularity on populist policies that range the whole political spectrum without much of a system or reliability. they would form alliance with anyone who allowed them to be in the position of power.

the prominence of ANO has indirectly caused a crisis in democracy. the two sides of the political spectrum are out of balance. ANO's populist policies have replaced the political left almost entirely. if you'd watched the last government election last year, you'd see that the fight was no longer between the left and the right but between populism and democracy. the democratic right has won at the cost of forming a giant coalition made out of five different parties. they really needed that many in order to beat the ever so popular ANO, and babiš himself.

and this appears to be happening again. the choice of the second round of the presidential election is between babiš and generál pavel. babiš being a populist who will say just about anything to win (including pointing at the general's millitary past and claiming that he will drag our country into the war, take your kids away and whatever else). generál pavel being a guy with diplomatic experience in NATO, who mostly bases his campaign on his unshakeable calm and order. which, to be fair, following the many years with miloš zeman does seem like a very alluring concept.

both babiš and pavel also have a communist past, much like most people their age in this country. while pavel was a regular party member (and gained part of his millitary training under the old regime), andrej babiš has been proven to cooperate with the secret police at the time, being their secret agent of sorts. the cynics would tell you that there its not a real choice, that its between a communist and an agent, that they both suck. but.

it's not just the choice between two people. it's once again between a real diplomat and a liar. they are many poignant arguments concerning these two, but let me just focus on this one, as it is the most important one to me. babiš as a person does not stand for anything. he will say anything to get what he wants. he contradicts himself on the regular and does not cope well with being called out. he makes himself out to be an underdog but he was the prime minister until last year, and as a prime minister proved himself to be both completely spineless and worthless. and yet, his loyal fans seem to forget. they seem to have a weird sort of parasocial relationship with the kind grandpa in a turtleneck that he presents himself as on the social networks. they don't care what he did or didn't do. they like him as a person. they don't care what he would do to the image or political orientation of our country. they don't care. they care that he baked a delicious vánočka the other day, just like they do, every christmas!!!!

generál pavel has his own minuses, one of the ones that get thrown around a lot-- having millitary past, it's not all clear what he's done while in the millitary. having had diplomatic affiliations before, they say we can't know for sure where all his allegiances lay. and he was a communist after all. but. the thing is. he's the only other option we've got. and he's not all bad. he speaks well, he's consistent in his opinions, and he's willing to listen to marginalised groups for reasons other than to make himself look good.

and he's decent. and unaffiliated with a particular political party. insistent on democratic values. it's a low bar, i know. but it's the best hope we've got...

[nateserenas]

literally to present the world with a better version of you which could mean facing your future and and forgetting past mistakes or finally settling on a brand new path while they both stare at ticket stubs from a film they saw together (literally they both kept the tickets...) and then they promptly throw away the ticket stubs as though they've just been burnt because they catch themselves doing something terrible - thinking about each other. (literally they both kept the tickets but then absolutely did not think about why they'd kept the tickets, because as if they've reached a point where they'll allow themselves to realise that maybe it's possible for them to enjoy each other's company yet. and then them throwing away the tickets is them being like nope refusing to think about why I kept this it never happened i definitely did not willingly engage in recreational activity with dan humphrey/blair waldorf and then i definitely definitely definitely did not keep the evidence it just didn't happen none of it happened i will not think about it ticket gone means no more thoughts on the matter okay case closed moving on time to go visit serena...)

[naamahdarling]

.

[lisbonsteresa]

oh god

[boyczar]

it’s so deep that i don’t think i can speak about it

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"I don't know quite yet what he'll do," Dorian admitted with a small shrug. "I've told him that he has a place in our home and always will, but that he doesn't have to be a butler if he doesn't want to be. He's appreciated the offer, but he hasn't told me just what his plan is yet."

Still, he couldn't help but smile, resting his head against his hand as he commented, "I'm so glad he's coming with us. I...I want him to stay a part of my life, and I...I want him to be a part of the lives of any children Elizabeth and I have together. He is my family, and I want to treat him as such."

For once, Beau wouldn't have the task of essentially raising a child (as he largely had to do, given the absence of the Gracey parents, often leaving the child-rearing to the staff while they went about their day), wouldn't have to play the role of parent and pedagogue, but could instead be what he largely was to Dorian in his youth-a doting uncle. Out of all the staff at Gracey Manor, Beau was the one who cut his young charge the most slack, letting him out of his lessons a little earlier, willing to let him indulge in sweets and games when his parents weren't looking, as well as treating him not just as his charge and pupil, but as a young friend, who he fondly watched grow up. As such, Dorian quite liked the idea of Beau getting to do the same with his children, who too would no doubt look upon him fondly as "Uncle Beau"-only this time, they wouldn't be reprimanded for addressing him as such.

"And, of course, any children Lizzie and I have will have their grandmother as well," he grinned, adding, "I do believe Mrs. Henshaw is not only giddy at the idea of having a son-in-law, but also having a grandchild to spoil. Lizzie's told me she's a little apprehensive about moving, she's lived in Louisiana all her life, but...she's also excited about her family growing."

It had just been Mrs. Lena Henshaw and her daughter for a lot of years, ever since Mr. Henshaw's death in a farm accident on the Gracey property when Elizabeth was five. It was something else the elder Henshaw and Mrs. June Pace were able to bond over: Louisiana natives, looked down on as working widows, who still loved and missed their husbands, and did all they could to support their beloved children.

[selfsabotaqe]

im in a reallyyyyyy headcanony mood  &  would like to gush a little more about my ships. if anyone i am currently writing with is down, please come find me in dms or like this post and i’ll shower you in thoughts and love. but im also so down to chat about new things, so if anyone in the tags is interested in plotting a new ship  &  going heavy on the hc, come  like this post  and i’ll find you  💗

[bi-moonlight]

.

[adambomb82]

It's that time again

[cityandking]

oc asks: not-so-nice edition

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

[xoxotiamathh]

Seeing You Naked For The First Time: FS AND NEXT PARTNER

Note: NO MINOR. Hi angels! There's 2 topics here, one for FS and one for your Next Partner, you can choose both Piles one after the other. Paid Readings 15 slots are open right now! Please like and Reblog if you like.

FS 1 -> 2 -> 3 | Next Partner A -> B -> C

Masterlist | Paid Readings • Paid Feedback

FS 1 2 3

Next Partner A B C

FS

Pile 1

They may feel a little insecure about themselves after seeing you naked for the first time. They could feel like they are not attractive enough or pretty enough somehow, and it could sow seeds of insecurity in them as well, there is a vibe about feeling inferior to you here as their very first thought because of how attractive you are. After this, their second thought will be related to wanting to pick you up and spin you around, it switches very fast from inferiority to elation, wanting to do anything for you, put the world at your feet and worship you, this is so CUTE I feel giddy as I channel this I feel just free and light and these may be feelings they will be having too, where they feel closer to you and grounded like "wow this is really happening". They would feel like they want a future with you like they will start setting goals I am seeing gowns and tuxes and celebration, possibly thinking about marriage and how beautiful you would look if and when the both of you get married, I am also getting for some of you this could be after you get married, and that is the first time you see each other fully in the nude. They would start feeling protective over you and also very shaken like they could in general be someone who is very rational and structured and in control of themselves but as soon as they see you all of that is going to melt away, they will not know what to do with themselves like they will not know what to do with their hands or how to touch you, for them, you will feel like something that is so out of their world, like your body will be, I am getting pious? idk pious for them, they will not want to touch you because of the fear that they will end up "ruining" or "dirtying" you in some way like they just do not feel like they deserve to touch you almost.

xoxo

Pile 2

Oh they are going to be in ruins when they see you naked for the first time, like they will be like putty in your hands I also heard salivating and salvation, so both are applicable here. They will feel like what they feared most has come true, the fear being they will never be able to keep their hands off of you and that they do not want to let you out of their sight for even a second. You will awaken this primal need for touch and skinship within them that they may not be used to, or they may not have felt in the past. They could also additionally feel like you are their ruin, you are their end, and you will be the one who will they will dedicate their life to with all the passion in the world. I am also getting a strong dominant energy here, extremely fiery and passionate. They will probably end up on top of you or caging you in their arms as soon as they see you in the nude like they cannot resist themselves here, they could also want to frame you in that pose/way for forever because they would feel like they will never ever be tired of seeing you in that way. They will instantly feel this strong need to show off in front of you lol, it's cute actually, and it's also related to showing off how strong they are so they would probably start like picking you up and rolling around with you, I heard "manhandle" but like it's not gender based they would just want to show off how easily they can carry both yours and their weight, I also heard "gym". Lastly, they would feel like they need to spend on you, maybe buy you sexy lingerie or wanting to take off your clothes themselves.

xoxo

Pile 3

As soon as they see you naked, they will want to court you all over again. Like the only thing going on in their head will be the need to bring you flowers, get on their knees and ask you to be their partner all over again. There are a lot of emotions here, they may find themselves come to tears because of how overwhelmed they may feel. Extra information but they may be the one who would have taken your clothes off, and it would be a very sensual moment where the both of you stare into each other's eyes while they touch you, they may still be clothed in that moment. They will feel a psychic connection with you and a warmth spreading through their abdomen as they see you move. It will make them feel like water, flimsy and unable to do anything because of how mesmerised they will be as they just keep staring at you. They will also feel a sort of pain however, like there is a sense of loss here where they could feel like they will never be able to get the moment back again where they see you naked for the first time which will make them feel a little sad, it's like the thing where you watch a movie, and it is so good that you feel sad that you will never be able to watch it for the first time ever again. They will feel like you are above them, I am getting Knight and Queen energy, they will feel as if they are just there to serve you or help you out, you have healed them just by blessing them with your nude form this is very much in the same lane of like putting you on the pedestal here.

ooo

Next Partner

Pile A

Heavy earth energy here, they will feel like you represent nature or everything natural. When they see you naked for the first time, they will feel a little scared, it will make things very real for them. They may feel like now they will have to take more steps and be better than they were previously, sex for them could be something that is very intimate and spiritual, and because they may be flighty in general, as soon as the clothes come off, so does their mask of flightiness. This moment will make them fully committed to you. They will feel like they need to spoil you with luxury, they will also, and I am also getting that they will instantly feel at home with you and want you to take care of them, they would want to lay their head on your lap and want you to lull you to sleep, you naked form makes them feel safe and warm and comfortable. They would just want to hold you there is not a lot of sexual passion here, where it's like fiery, but it is more grounded, they want to go slow with you and take their time. Furthermore, they will feel like they need to cherish you and savour every moment with you, which is why they will not rush into anything and may seem sluggish initially when they see you naked for the first time. They will feel like they have gotten very lucky to have you and that it was destiny that the two of you even met, maybe it was fated to be, and they may feel this intense connection towards you when they see you for the first time and they may wonder if you were a part of their past life, maybe a soulmate from another time that they have had the fortune to meet again.

xoxo

Pile B

Oh, they could be a little judgemental not in a bad way just sizing you up where you may feel small or scrutinised under their gaze, but they would probably just be admiring you or watching you because they will not know what else to do like they will almost be stunned or not know what to do. Even though you will feel trapped under their gaze, they will feel trapped as well because of their inability to move. They will feel a strong need to release and let go, and by release I mean cumming, they will feel a strong need to fuck. They will also feel like their wish has been fulfilled when they see you naked, not only because they will find you stunning and like everything they have ever wished for, but they could also feel like they have been very fortunate they will feel abundant and prosperous, feeling confident that they can provide for you whatever you want and whatever you need. A soon as they get out of their trance, which may feel like years, but I am getting it will only be a few minutes, also a vision is coming through that you will have to break them out of their trance, they may be sitting on a chair, and you will have to go up to them and peer down at them for them to realise they are mobile again. After this they will feel themselves reach a breaking point, as soon as they are out of that they will become greedy for you wanting to consume each part of you with their eyes of course and also go down on you, they want to take all of you in and will not hesitate to pounce you wanting to be subservient both ways.

xoxo

Pile C

Fireeee firey energy they will feel triumphant, they will feel like they have won you over and that this has been won of the biggest victories of their life that they are someone you are comfortable enough with. That you are allowing them to see you in such a vulnerable and raw state, they will also feel like cheering you on. I heard "I'm your biggest fan" oh they will probably cheer you on and maybe holler while you get naked, it's very playful and flirty not as serious as the other piles. They will feel this need to please you and praise you, they will be very vocal and praise your body and you and will probably ask you to pose for them like "give me a twirl". This is so cute, they will get this feeling of relief and a release of pain by seeing you naked because they may be aware of your hesitancy when it comes to bearing yourself to others in that way, and they would feel proud of you as well. A lot of suppressed memories they may have had from their past relationships could also resurface, where they could end up, unconsciously comparing you to an ex of theirs who may have hurt them deeply. There is strong Knight and service energy here too I also saw someone getting on their knees to propose which could be relevant, anyways with the Knight energy I am feeling they may want you to ride them while they are fully clothed as well, they will get turned on by the contrast of you being fully vulnerable while they do not need to, however this could also be related to them being a little scared of you maybe scrutinising or judging their appearance because that could have been a point of contention in their previous relationships.

DO NOT PLAGIARISE, REWORD, REPHRASE, REPOST MY CONTENT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED xoxotiamathh

[theambitiouswoman]

How to Stop Procrastinating by Managing Your Emotions

Procrastination happens when we delay doing things, and it's often connected to our emotions. Feelings like being afraid to fail, feeling worried or stressed, getting bored, or lacking motivation can all contribute to procrastination. To stop procrastinating and get more things done, it's important to learn how to handle our emotions better.

Boredom:

Break the task into smaller, more engaging sub-tasks.

Find ways to make the task more interesting or challenging.

Set a timer and work on the task for a specific amount of time, followed by a short break doing something enjoyable.

Feeling Overwhelmed:

Prioritize tasks and focus on one thing at a time.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Delegate some parts of the task if possible or seek help from others.

Use tools like to-do lists or task management apps to stay organized.

Anxiety:

Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques to calm yourself.

Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

Start with the easier or less intimidating aspects of the task to build momentum.

Set realistic expectations and remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes.

Self-Doubt:

Focus on past accomplishments and successes to boost your confidence.

Seek support or feedback from others to gain reassurance.

Remind yourself of your skills and capabilities to tackle the task.

Use positive affirmations to counteract negative self-talk.

Perfectionism:

Embrace the concept of "good enough" rather than seeking perfection.

Set realistic and achievable goals for each task.

Recognize that mistakes and imperfections are part of the learning process and growth.

Indecisiveness:

Break decisions into smaller steps and make one small decision at a time.

Set a time limit for making decisions to avoid overthinking.

Trust your instincts and make the best decision you can with the information available.

Apathy or Lack of Interest:

Find aspects of the task that align with your values or long-term goals.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable parts and focus on completing one at a time.

Reward yourself for completing the task to make it more appealing.

Stress or Burnout:

Practice stress-reduction techniques such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.

Break tasks into smaller steps to reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

Prioritize self-care and take breaks to avoid burnout.

Feeling Uninspired or Creatively Blocked:

Engage in activities that stimulate creativity, such as brainstorming, mind mapping, or seeking inspiration from others' work.

Start with a simple and basic version of the task to get the creative juices flowing.

Collaborate with others or seek feedback to gain new perspectives.

Fear of Success:

Identify and challenge the negative beliefs or fears that may be holding you back.

Visualize the positive outcomes of completing the task successfully.

Focus on the benefits and personal growth that come with success.

Impatience:

Break long-term goals into smaller milestones to track progress.

Practice mindfulness to stay present and patient throughout the process.

Remind yourself that progress takes time and effort.

Lack of Confidence:

Celebrate your past accomplishments to boost your confidence.

Seek support and encouragement from friends, family, or mentors.

Focus on building specific skills related to the task to increase confidence.

Avoiding Discomfort:

Acknowledge that discomfort is a natural part of growth and improvement.

Break tasks into smaller steps and tackle the more challenging aspects gradually.

Remind yourself of the long-term benefits of facing discomfort.

Overestimating Future Motivation:

Practice discipline and commit to starting tasks even when motivation is low.

Set specific deadlines for tasks to create a sense of urgency.

Establish a routine that includes regular work on the task to build consistency.

[bittersw33t-lotus]

Surprise

Ghosting pt. 1

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Fem! Reader

Cw: swearing, unplanned pregnancy, mentions of abortion, angst, arguments, abandonment, younger Simon, story takes place when he’s 25 and you’re 23.

Part 2 here

“kids?”

“What about them?”

“Would you ever want any?”

It was yours and Simon your one year anniversary. It was nothing special, just some takeout and card games with a movie playing in the back. You don’t know how the conversation of your futures came to be but you both knew it had to be said at some point in your relationship. You asked what Simon planned to do once he got older and retired from the military. He asked you questions about your plans as you grew older. That’s when you decided to be the one to bring up the very question that tends to either strain or strengthen a relation, children.

“No. Hard pass. I don’t do well with them nor do I want any of my own.” He never meant to say it with such a rude tone but It didn’t bother you much. You knew that there was a deeper reason why with the way his brows furrowed and the tension in the shoulders. You wanted him to elaborate more but you decided against it.

“Yeah I’m not too keen on children. At least right now anyways.” You said placing down your card on the table as Simon continued to examine his cards to find a way to defeat you. He looked at you as you spoke your last words as you kept your eyes on your cards. You liked kids to a certain extent and wouldn’t mind one later on in your life as you settle down or just none at all. You tried not to let Simons words get to you, since you don’t mind a childless life, as long as you had Simon by your side, but sometimes there would be days where you felt lonely without Simon when he’s deployed to his job. There’s also days where you fear he’ll never come back home and you’d be left with nothing to remember him by but memories, pictures and his possessions. A kid would be something that not only would be a piece of him that breathes and moves but they would be the physical embodiment of yours and Simons’ love, something that would keep you two tied to each other.

As nice as a child with Simon would be, you respected his wishes and you would have to come to terms with it. It’ll just be you and Simon, growing old together in a little house on the far side of town where no one can bother you and it’ll just be you, your grumpy (eventual) husband and your animals to keep you company. Yeah, you could live with that.

Hopefully, if he doesn’t die on the job…

“It’ll just be the two of us and a bunch of animals.”

That’s how you’d thought it be. Until it wasn’t.

You sat there on your bed holding the white stick in your hand. The pink plus sign was burning your eyes. You could feel your stomach churning. What the hell were you gonna do? You were panicking. You had been throwing up the past few days, Simon suggested you’d go see a doctor worried you ate something bad or caught some stomach bug but you refused and said you’d be fine thinking it go away within a few days however more things surfaced on your body that caught your attention. You breast grew a cup bigger and felt sore as hell, you assumed it was due to your period, it was due to arrive in a week anyway but you still found it abnormal that your breast swelled up so much. When the week passed you figured it was delayed due to your little stomach bug but another week passed. That’s when the thoughts hit you. You couldn’t be right? There’s no way you could be pregnant. You and Simon were always careful.

That same day of realization you went to the drug store just to be sure. You brought three sticks and each one came out with the same pink plus sign appearing on the little box. What the hell were you gonna do? How were you going to tell Simon? Maybe you don’t. You can just get an abortion and get it over with. Well, maybe it’s best if you tell him either way. But the more you thought about the baby, the more harder it seemed for you to think about getting rid of it.

You never really made your decision on not having kids, you figured that when it happens it happens, but what about now? Simon doesn’t want a baby, but you’re pregnant with the child you created with the love of your life, Yours and Simons baby…

Tears prick your eyes as you stared at the stick. What are you going to do?

Simon was out drinking with his ‘comrades’ so you had some time to yourself before he came back. You needed to plan a time when you’d tell him. But you were beyond terrified. You know having this baby was putting your relationship with Simon at risk. But this was just as much of his doing as yours, but at the same time, your IUD should’ve prevented this from happening.

You tired to gain the courage in the past couple days since you’ve found out, to tell him but you never could. For days Simon could tell something was bothering you, and it wasn’t the sickness you had. It was something that was clouding your mind. He could see in your eyes that something was troubling you.

Simon had just returned to home from the bar, feeling dreadful about having to be deployed once again here in a couple of days, he doesn’t want to leave you. He hates it, he hated leaving you here all alone, he can’t be there to protect you, hold you and love you but his job makes it worth it if it means you get everything you deserve. Even if he isn’t around for long periods at a time.

As he walks into the house you greet him with a smile, he’s a little tipsy but just barely since he still had to drive home, he did enjoy his time with Price, Soap and Gaz though. Even if he didn’t outright admit it.

“How’d it go?” You asked him as you approach him with a small smile. You’re too nervous to give him his usual greeting kiss which made Simon’s suspicions of your worry confirmed.

“It was fine, not too shabby and the boys were okay as usual. I need to ask you something.” He said glancing your direction aa he looks into your eyes like he’s trying to read your mind, he cups your face gently as he approached you. He saw your body tense up, you tried to save yourself by quickly relaxing before Simon could see but it was too late, he already did. That was his que. “There’s something bothering you, I can see it. You know you can’t hide things from me and I understand you don’t wanna talk about it but at least let me help you the way you help me.”

Your throat grew dry, ‘Shit.’ You thought. You could feel your anxiety flow through your nerves as your hand began to tremble slightly. Your silence worried Simon. “Yn…” He called out but you stood silent.

‘It’s now or never, i can’t hide this forever, not when I start to show.” You thought, Simons hand gently rubbed your cheekbones which brought your attention back to him. Your teary gaze met his concerned ones. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry…” You quivered out. You tried to keep your composure but the hormones betrayed your body. “For what? What happened love?” He grew more worried as the tears rolled down your face. He wiped them away with his fingers as he cradled your face, as you both stare into the others gaze. “You promise you won’t be mad, I’m scared you’re gonna hate me, leave me and…” You whisper but Simon cuts you off as he leaned down to take your lips into a soft but passionate kiss, pulling away you look at him such vulnerability as you wrap your hands around Simons wrist gently. “I won’t.” He whispers back to you, his eyes filled with concern and love in his eyes. It makes your heart break thinking about what can happen next.

Your breath hitched before you inhaled and closed your eyes leaning into Simons touch. “I’m pregnant…” it was silent for a hot second. You felt his hands stiffen up but quickly relax as he looked a bit surprised. Your IUD should’ve been working, but he can’t blame you, there’s still a small chance.

“Have you made an appointment?” He asked after a long silence.

“For what?” You look up nervously, your guts telling you things were going downhill soon now, it’s too late you’ve already made up your mind.

“To get rid of it.” He asks you confused but something was telling him something else is going on. It was dead silence after that, you didn’t even need to say anything, the look in your eyes were enough to tell Simon what your intentions were. His hands were stiff it almost felt like a mannequins hands were placed on your face but then they were quickly snatched away from your grasp and face. You gasped lightly at the action. He took two long strides away from you, his eyes were slightly wide and had a blank look in them as he stared at you.

You wanted to call out to him but his eyes alone were enough to tell you that he was about to run. Your heart throbbed and your stomach began to churn again. More tears began to flow and obscure your vision. “Simon…” You called out to him, you refrained from walking towards him, terrified that one wrong move and he’d run and leave you in the dust. But it seemed to trigger him.

His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes began to show frustration. “No.” He shook his head as you sobbed. “Dammit yn I thought we established this. You promised!” He began to raise his voice, his fear coming to light. Not only was your relationship beginning to strain but you were planning to bring a child into this world. His child. All he could think about was his father and his family something he doesn’t want to experience or risk history to repeat itself.

“I’m sorry Simon but I never made a promise! But I truly didn’t mean for this to happened but it did and when I thought about having an abortion I couldn’t bear that thought of it. I know what we had in mind was to not have any kids but I can’t bring myself to get rid of our baby.”

“No we agreed that we’d have no kids, for Christ sake, I’m always at base and deployed. I can die and leave you to raise a baby alone. And I’m not ready to care for a baby, nor did I ever plan on having one.” He didn’t yell but his voice sounded distant like he was guarded. Like how he used to be when you first met him back in high school, stiff as a stone with years and layers of built up walls around him to keep anybody out from his heart and mind, a troubled Simon who was haunted by his abusive father wanting to save his mother and brother the ones who are now six feet under. One that took you years to slowly tear down and let him trust you with more than one few but big bumble in the road but in the end you never gave up on him and always stuck by his side. “I can’t do this.” He didn’t sound like your Simon anymore. He sounded like Ghost now. The Ghost he separated you from, the Ghost that was cold hearted and never cared about anything or anyone else but getting his priorities done and missions finished.

Your breath hitched. “What do you mean?” Your voice quivered. Ghost didn’t even bother to answer you he made his way to the bedroom. “Simon please!” You treaded after him, your anxiety surfacing again.

You walked into the bedroom to see him reaching into the closet and pulling out his bag, already packed with all the gears and items he needed for his deployment. Slumping the strap over his shoulder as you watched made your throat tighten.

It was nothing but silence the whole time as you watched Simon pack away a last minute items he’d need. You watched as he began to tie on his boots. “You’re right,” you finally spoke. Your voice soft as you tried not to let out a sob. “You don’t have to do this, you can keep doing what you do. I’ll keep the baby without you.” Simon just sat there listening to you as he kept his gaze glued to the ground. You couldn’t see what he was thinking with his Balaclava on now but you could see his fists clenched tightly. “I won’t make you go through this but just know, I still love you Simon, but I want this baby. You won’t hear from me asking you for anything at all. Just know once you walk out that door. I’ll be gone, unless you say something Simon...” you stand there staring at him hoping he’ll say something… anything. A sliver of wanting to be around at least or try to work something out but you know it’ll never come. He’s Simon, Ghost, he’s not, and may never be, mentally prepared nor does he have a lifestyle fit enough to raise a baby. Without a single noise Simon gets up and walks past you to the bedroom door, you watch his back, he doesn’t spare you a single glance before he walks out without another word.

After a few seconds, you hear his boots stomp down the stairs, the door opening and slamming shut. Your que to finally let all your sobbing out easing the pain in your throat. You sat on the floor holding your stomach. You were really on your own now. Just you and your baby.

You were lucky you managed to gain contact with your older sister, Stacy, she and her husband had welcomed you into their home with no hesitation, surprisingly. Granted you and your sister had some mending to do but it was mostly cause by your parents. Your mother had always founds way to turn you and your sister against one another when you two were younger. You both always fought and tried to better the other for praise of your mother she’d always compared one over the other, “Your sister is skinner than you,” “You eat like a pig, your sister eats better than you,” “your sister this” or “your sister that”. You mother always tried to make you two compete against the other that both physically and mentally damaged you both.

Your father never bothered with you two, you could never talk to him without every conversation ending in a some form of abuse or never in the right mindset being constantly high off his mind with drugs. But as you grew older you began to see the things your mother did to you and your sister but you never took the chance to make amends, your sister met her then boyfriend and ran away with him the first chance she got, you did the same when you met Simon.

“Are you alright?” She approaches you as you got out the car. The moment you came face to face with her you wrapped your arms around her shoulders and brushed into tears. “I’m sorry!” You cried out. “It’s okay.” She hushes you and cradled your head. “No it’s not, I should’ve talked to you, we should’ve made up long ago but I ran off…”

“And so did I!” She cut you off. “I was the one that ran off first, I was the one who left you in the dust for some guy that turned out to be a fraud. I chose a man over my own sister but I was too dumb to see it. We both made mistakes but now that we’re here, let’s take this chance to make it right.” She wiped your tears from your face. “Now tell me what wrong?” She asks you as you take a deep breath. “Simon left me.” You say, your sisters eyes widen in surprise and sympathy. “Well technically I left but we decided that we were through.”

“Why, what happened?” She asks you as she began to guide you to her house. As you make your way in you wipe your eyes as you think about the memory.

“I’m pregnant.” You start off, your sister is caught off guard and stunned, but she doesn’t speak and allows you to continue. “I found out not too long ago.”

You sister looks at you in shock. “Is that why… Simon…” she tries to ask, you know what she’s saying before you nod answering her question.

“Yeah, we’ve had the talk before. We agreed on no kids because he didn’t want any, me, I wasn’t too sure at the time but now, now I know, I do want this kid.” You say as you lay a hand on your stomach. “I don’t know what to do know. I told him and shit just went down hill. He made his choice and I made mine. I left home, he left because he’s currently on deployment but he’s made his choice not to be in the baby’s life. I gave him the choice to leave because I don’t want to force him into this since he never wanted any in the beginning.” You say, you sit on the soft couch as you both settled on conversing in the living room.

“He’s in the military?” She asks him a bit surprised, she’s still trying to process all this new information about your current situation and your now ex-boyfriend.

You nod your head and rub your eyes feeling the fatigue catch up to you from the past couple of days. You’ve nearly gotten a wink of sleep ever since Simon left, the past two days you were packing up all your things that you needed and wanted to take with you into your car, and you were stressing about where’d you go and be staying up until your Stacy, thankfully, responded back to you and offered you a place to stay at her house. “Yeah, he doesn’t tell me much about it. But from what I’ve seen every time he came back, it was always bad. He’d come home with bruises, sometimes wounds that sometimes looked to be fatal. It always scares me every time he goes, and I sometimes never know when he’ll be back, or if he’ll come back at all.” You explain to her. You leave out the part where he’d be a shell of himself, like a ghost possessing Simon, so unemotional, and you can never forget how scary it was seeing how empty his eyes looked sometimes.

Stacy looks at you, she’s processing all this and trying to her best to listen but she can tell that’s it’s a lot for her to take in. You don’t blame her, you two haven’t seen each other er for over five years, so there’s a lot of catching up to do. “I promise you I’ll only be here for a few months. I’ll find a place to stay for the baby and I before they’re born, we’ll be out of your hair soon.” You tell her quickly trying to reassure her that it’s only temporary and you’re not going to take advantage of your sister’s kindness and willing to help you out, you don’t wanna have the burden of having her worry about you and have a baby in the house. You’ve already become enough of a burden for Simon with the baby.

Stacy shakes her head and gently takes your hand and gently squeezes it. “Don’t worry about it. Take as much time as you need to get back on your feet. You got a kid to worry about now. And granted, it may be hard but I believe in you. You’re a strong woman, I know you can get through this, you always do. And even if you don’t, I’ll always be here to help you.” She says as she smiles at you fondly.

You feel so grateful for her. Your hormones have you all over the place both emotionally and physically. You’re on the verge of tears as you engulf Stacy into a hug once again. “Thanks Stac.” You say, your voice threatening to crack into a sob.

Stacy smiles at you and hugs you back. “Don’t thank me, you’re my little sister, family looks out for one another. Real family.”

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Im debating if this series should have a twist to it. So stay tuned :)