#to a family member who doesnt want it and will sell it so i can buy it

[firstaidspray]

ALSO my fiance's dad saw Reese's car like THEE 1969 CHEVROLET CHEVELLE SS BELONGING TO REESE MY DREAM CAR for sale at a place RIGHT HERE IN TENNESSEE and it's fucking SOLD ALREADY I AM SO FUCKING MAD DUDE I AM A BIGGER TALLADEGA NIGHTS FAN AND REESE/GARY COLE STAN THAN THEY (THE BUYER) ARE FUCK WHOEVER BOUGHT IT I HOPE THEY DIE PAINFULLY!!!!!!

[bcitisthelight]

hey remember when we were discussing how weird the whole cliegg thing is in AOTC. and you had thoughts, feelings and emotions. tell me about those XOXO

(Big TW for this post - I discuss human trafficking, sex trafficking, rape, child abuse, slavery, and PTSD in this post. It's about the realities of slavery and Tatooine and how it involves the Skywalkers.) Something that I almost never see in any discussion on the Lars family is how sharply the fanon headcanons and characterizations of diverge from the ones we get in the moves. Like, particularly Cliegg and the prequel trilogy. Like - I feel like there's this automatic assumption that the Lars loved Shmi and that they cared for Luke out of dedication to her and her family, and it's this huge found family vibe but like can I be real. Can I be super real right now. It’s something that I find kind of baffling, because when I watched Attack of the Clones, and on every rewatch since (and there have been many), it always seems kind of obvious to me that Cliegg bought Shmi as a slave, presumably as a house slave, if not outright as a part of sex trafficking. And I don't mean in one of those "He bought her to free her, he's a good guy, etc etc". I mean, he bought her as a slave with the original intention of keeping her as a slave. And what's really interesting, is you can get pretty much all the clues about that from the exchanges between Anakin has with Watto, his and Shmi's former master.

Again, I want to stress that, because I think it's crucial that we see this for what it is - not an exchange between a former employee and his boss, not an exchange between a kid and a member of his former community. His former slavemaster. The man who won him and his mother in a gambling game like so many fancy necklaces. The source and object of Anakin's childhood enslavement. Watto would have beaten them. He made Anakin, a child of 9 - and I read somewhere once that Anakin started in the races at 6 - ride in a pod race that no human has ever won before, with the full expectation that he would die. This is a being whose entire life has revolved around the certainty that society is not only capable of functioning, but functions best, when sentient beings can be bought and sold like property. And, to be real with you, because this is a thing that happens to people who suffer enslavement, he very likely loaned them out temporarily for sex trafficking purposes for a quick buck - a practice that is noted historically in virtually every society that operated on a system involving slaves.

It's important to recap that, because I do think it's impossible to understand how deeply horrifying the conversation they have is without that context. Like, let's look at how he tells Anakin about Shmi -

This scene is....so telling to me. From the outset, Watto said he sold her as a slave. Like, it was a slave exchange. Watto heard about her freedom later - clearly, Cliegg bought her, and behaved in a way - intentional or not - that Watto believed he was buying her as a slave to own as a slave. That part is not subtext, that's just actual text.

"But Mikhayla" some will say "he freed her the second he bought her - he bought her in order to free her." Except....there is genuinely nothing in the movies, and off the top of my head, the wider narrative, that ever indicates that that's true. In fact it makes no sense in that case, for Watto to have not known that Cliegg was buying her in order to free her. Why would he have to hide that? Watto presumably doesnt care what happens to her, because he's selling her. In the larger materials, its said that his shop fell on hard times, and in the movies, we can see the proof. The script says he's sitting outside his shop, but at that point it resembles more of a kind of beaten down stand. He's still selling junk, but less and of poorer quality - presumably, he's spent all his money on gambling debts. And the thing is, slaves are expensive. He sold her years prior, and I bet he fed himself on that money for a very long time - he was a very motivated seller, as barbaric as that language is to use about a transaction involving a human person. He's not going to be fussy over why the person buying her wants to buy her. There's also the fact that this is a society that vastly runs on slavery, and large plantation owners would often "rent" out slaves to smaller but still profitable farms. And Cliegg is a moisture farmer with presumably a large tract of land for water vaporizers. If anything, I can see Watto having rented Shmi to her, Cliegg taking a liking to her, and then approaching Watto to buy her. I mean, if he's profitable enough to just buy a slave, then he clearly had at least some money. "He spent his whole savings!" Show me that in the text. "He loved her from the start!" Show me that in the text. "But Mikhayla," yet others will say, "he did free her! And then married her! He clearly meant from the start to free her, and only bought her to get her away from Watto. He could have never seen her as property. Who would marry their slave?" Except, in the real world, this is...another thing we see across multiple historical records, masters buying women as slaves and then later freeing them in order to legally marry them. PARTICULARLY in societies that operate so heavily on an entire caste system involving slaves - we can look to the Roman Empire, for example. Countless Roman officials, merchants, and military officials bought women, fell in love with them, and freed them in order to marry them. "But maybe she said yes!" (I know these are not your objections, but as you know, I'm an attorney, which means I constantly have to find an argument to fight against). So, to this imaginary detractor I say: I feel like it should be rather obvious, but I'll say it just in case - it is impossible for a slave to consent to any action they perform at the request of a slave master. It cannot happen. A woman who is enslaved cannot consent to marrying the man who bought her, and who has very likely been raping her up until this point, and wants to now marry her - usually, to make any children he had by her legally his children, and therefore citizens, rather than slaves themselves.

So really, whether or not Cliegg had a change of heart doesn't actually change my mind about his actions towards Shmi. I don't care if Cliegg DID love her - in fact, I'm sure he DID love her. People can and have convinced themselves of all kinds of moral superiority, people can claim to love someone while owning them as property! Shmi could never consent to marrying a man who held her as a slave. Even if he freed her, and she willing chose to stay there for a few years, and then he asked her to marry him. In my head, you can't overcome that power imbalance. Cliegg will never not be a man who once believed Shmi was a thing to be owned. He will never be a man who didn't see her as property. Like, at some point, it actually becomes kind of more and more unlikely that this is a guy who took up this transaction for non-malicious purposes. Because we simply do not see it in the movie. What I see in the movie is a slave owner saying he fell on hard times and sold his slave to a farmer who probably needed help on his land or in his house - he has no wife, so the latter is probably more likely. I see him saying that at the time of the transaction, he had no idea that Cliegg intended to free her. And for all that Cliegg calls Shmi his darling, his love, his wife - not once do we ever hear of any evidence that Shmi saw this as a love match. In fact, the only thing we find out about her daily life with the Lars family is that in the mornings, she wakes up early and goes to pick mushrooms. You know. A task for the house. An unpleasant task, done before everyone else is awake, that she does absolutely alone. I'm just saying. These implications are not good ones. I will say though, for all this, do you know what really sells me on the idea that the relationship between Shmi and Cliegg is is not a consensual one, is Anakin's reaction to it. This is a boy whose entire hopes and dreams have revolved around his mother's freedom. You have more excellent writing than me on this, but the moral injury Anakin suffers leaving his mother behind is. Intense. All he wants is to one day free her. In a way, a part of him is always that tiny boy who couldn't bear the idea of leaving behind his mom, who swore, the last time he saw her, that he would free her. And at this moment, all of his dreams have seemingly come true! His mother is free. According to Watto, she's found love, and married. For all he knows, she's had other children. Maybe that could involve SOME complicated emotions, but mostly you would expect that he would feel, at the very least, relieved. Happy. Interested, curious. Instead, this is his reaction:

He's grim, business like. He is not happy. He is not relieved. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge that she's still alive - the way he reacts is not a man who thinks his mother is out of danger. To Anakin, who grew up enslaved until 9 and knows how this society works, it seems almost immediately apparent that the Lars are just a different kind of danger. There's also this rather interesting detail:

This is a boy who bleeds, every second of every day, longing for a family. He basically begs at obi-wan's feet day and night, to be acknowledged as a son. His reaction to his wife's pregnancy is radiant joy - his reaction to know she could die, profound existential horror. I mean good god, he basically turns Palpatine aka Satan Himself into a father figure, because he's that desperate for one. And here, this man is claiming him as his family. He's talked about being excited to see him. He talks about planning with Shmi to meet him. He calls him "son". And Anakin doesn't give him another moment of his time, the second those words are out of his mouth. It's silence. For a boy who is so starved for intimacy he genuinely falls in love with the very first girl who was ever nice to him, to react to a claim of relationship this way. It's bizarrely out of character for him. Unless it isn't. UNLESS he's disgusted by that claim, instead of relieved by it. If he thinks his mother has been bought and then forced into marriage, of course he hates Cliegg. I remember when we were watching the movie together, and remember I said to you "You can just tell Anakin is thinking, 'Call me son one more fucking time'" And can I be real, I have so much more to say about this. As you know, I actually have essays of opinions and feelings about Shmi Skywalker and her horrible life, and how Anakin was the one bright point she had in that horrible life. I have feelings about how she gave away her only happiness, because she knew he did not deserve the life of a slave. I had ideas about how you could turn this into a way to actually fix AOTC and make it better, a way you could use it as an excuse to get rid of the Tusken arc entirely without losing the tragedy of his mother's death. But this post is already so fucking long and I'm sure you're tired of me talking xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[thelureking]

I had this idea to make a list of all the games I played in 2022, half as a recommendation list, and half because I struggle to remember when I played what. I have a really bad time ranking stuff, so I'll just list them chronologically (or, as chronologically as I can remember).

Note: Sometimes I dont have a lot to say about a game, but that doesnt mean I didn't like it or that it isn't good.

So, with that being said:

1) Our Life: Beginnings and Always

This game has put visual novels on another level entirely. How must I go on knowing that I will never be treated like royalty by any other game like this did. Our Life tells the story of your friendship and/or romance with Cove Holden, your new neighbor. This Visual Novel remembers an insane amount of stuff you choose, and it can put you in the state of mentioning something you did as a kid that you completely forgot about. I actually really liked how you can go the entire game as just friends, or choose when your character develops romantic feelings. I cannot overstate how well made this entire thing is. Can't wait to play the DLCs and for the sequel to be released.

Absolute recommend.

2) Iron Lung

If you have a computer, you can play it. It is not an option.

Claustrophobic above all, this game captures the pure dread of the unknown, building tension and atmosphere as you travel through this unknown planet's red sea. Highly recommended.

3) An Outcry

Amazing game that I don't see enough people talking about. The first game that made me actually physically ill while playing an alternative route. I don't know what hit me the most, the subject matter or the type of person I played in that route, a person I know exists and maybe I've met, a person I hope I never become. I knew what the game was specifically referencing, but I found it good that it was able to trigger that response on someone who lives in an entirely different place, with different historical events, but with enough similarities that made the feeling of dread and disgust that much real. Its message is clear and loud as it should be, and one that I think maybe now more than ever needs to be heard. I cannot recommend this game enough.

4) Stillwater

Now this is a Visual Novel that I really liked and would have loved for it to be longer, but I love it as it is. It left me wanting more about the world and its characters, and I think that's a good thing. It feels unfair that this is the one I typed the least about, knowing how much I liked it. It's really worth the read/play.

5) The Caribbean Sail

Have you ever wanted to be a sailor or a pirate? Have you ever wanted to grab a ship, sail into unknown destinations, encounter supernatural phenomenons and watch as your fellow crew members die of disentry five seconds after leaving your first port? Because if so, I have the perfect game for you. It's inspired by the Oregon Trail game, and that's literally what the gameplay is like, except on the sea. Which was enough of a selling point for me.

6) Carrion

My child, it has every disease. Loved the concept when I saw the trailer, forgot I can actually buy games now, and then proceeded to do that. Being able to live my fantasies of being a flesh creature that destroys and eats everything in its path was a delight. The creature is my child and I love it very much.

We need more games that let you play as the monster, I'm serious.

7) The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante

This game is both my beloved and the thorn on my side. Who would have thought that in a game like this you would proceed to suffer through life? I said to myself as if I hadn't known what I was getting into. You'll experience loss, you'll struggle to make a name for yourself, your family will fall apart, and you may never kiss your best friend Tommas who gave you a totally platonic ring to commemorate your friendship because the game doesn't want you to.

Or you'll have a different experience than me on my first playthrough.

You follow the titular Sir Brante from the moment of his birth to his last breath, exploring the world he lives in, full of injustices that at times made me go "I do not care about the lots, give me a fucking gun so I can take you to the fucking Twins". There are many branches regarding life paths, the fate of your family and that of the entire city you live in. But don't worry about it now, keep looking at those toy soldiers at the store as a little kid, I'm sure nothing will happen in the future.

8) Princess Maker 2 Refine

And apparently I didn't get enough of walking a kid through life.

Who looks at a game about raising a little girl by managing her monthly schedule and balancing her stats, health and money and says "yes, this is the game I'll play to destress"?

I do that. Don't ask why.

I have only reached two endings, in one my beautiful daughter became the royal painter, her art held as the most beautiful and inspiring in the entire world. In another, my girl made a name for herself by exploring the lands surrounding the kingdom, so fast on her feet nobody could even scratch her; she married a dragon prince and became the teacher of her own fighting school.

And even with all of that, her goddess mother was not happy.

So yes, this is the "divorced dad who got custody" experience.

9) Planescape: Torment

What can change the nature of a man? That is a question posed by one Ravel Puzzlewell, night hag of the Gray Wastes. It is one of the many questions that this game asks, intertwined by the many philosophies it presents. Planescape Torment does not stick to one question, it asks many, and it lets you answer.

It is a beautifully written game, one of the best I have ever read. There is one moment that I do not wish to spoil, but it still sticks to my head months after I experienced it. As a writer, I found myself fascinated by how a certain event was told, all because of the way it was presented.

It feels like an injustice to not talk in length about Planescape: Torment, but I seriously don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't played it yet. A blind experience is fully worth it. All you need to know is that this is the game that made me post for the first time here, two dumb memes for myself and one short analysis that sometimes reminds me that yes, people can interact with it. Shameless link to it here

10) Growing my Grandpa!

If I had to describe this game without saying too much, I would say it's "heartwarming horror". Two words that don't usually go together, but that they perfectly fit here. The story is, like the title says, about growing your grandpa, more like helping a girl grow her grandpa, but still. Strangely sweet and unnerving, I was tense the entire time, and even when I had to replay it to get the second ending (this was entirely my fault, since I could have gotten it way easier) that tension never left.

11) FAITH: The Unholy Trinity

I don't remember how I found out about this game, but I remember waiting patiently for it to get a steam release so I could buy it and play its three chapters all together. The day finally came, and all that waiting was worth it.

The gameplay is simple, yet the developers found a way to have me both crying in fear and frothing by the mouth out of anger every time I saw the game over screen (affectionately). In terms of difficulty, I would say the game is easy until it isn't, looking at you Chapter 2 and 3 Final Bosses, you bastards. Then again, I saw people say they struggled in places I didn't, so I would say it depends on the player.

The story is so interesting and it's still marinating in my brain please I need people to talk about how the prologue of chapter 2 and the one note in chapter 3 relate please. The cutscenes are also so well done, and I had to restrain myself from using one as a second picture because I didn't want to spoil any of them.

All in all, a must play, fully recommend it.

And remember:

GARY LOVES YOU

12) Inmortal Mantis

This is a tricky one. On one hand, the game starts off by basically spelling out every action you have to do, and suddenly it goes full on "fuck around and find out" mode. On the other, the game implements some interesting mechanics that I would love to see developed on a longer game, but I am not going to put the length against it while knowing how hard it is to make a game. And maybe being short plays in its favor.

13) Who's Lila?

This game is my King in Yellow. I cannot stop thinking about it. I finished it with all endings and achievements in a day, and it wont leave me alone. It is always there, forever crawling at the back of my head, stretching itself over my brain and weaving my thoughts into a spiral as easily as a spider weaves its thread. It made itself a home in my mind and I won't kick it out any time soon. I played it because the concept of controlling a character's face in place of a dialogue wheel was interesting, and the story and the way it's presented (hand in hand with the gameplay) lured me deeper and deeper. I cannot even describe it without giving it the praise it deserves. It takes full advantage of its medium. Playing this game is an experience that I can't recommend enough, and I'm surprised it hasn't gotten the recognition it deserves.

14) Someone stole MY LUNCH!

This visual novel is pure fun. The humor is so good I found myself reading the entire thing out loud while wheezing. I actually found out recently that it's made by the same people that made Stillwater, which, looking at it now I should have known. It's good and I'm not still over not seeing that one joke coming; well played.

15) MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF MILK INSIDE OF A BAG OF-

... INSIDE A BAG OF MILK is a short visual novel about a girl going to the grocery to buy milk, and the challenge this seemingly small action can be. It is your responsibility to help her through this.

The steam page description perfectly summarizes it: "This is an artistic manipulation with word and form, only then - a game."

Reblog with more games

Or, you can jump to the 2023 list!

[blacklegsanjiii]

Got hit with the brainrot beam for a new Au fella, so so hear me out

Nefertari Sanji

Back when sanji was still in germa the kingdom would sometimes attend the royal refari (idk how you spell it) and this one time judge brought along all his spawn and Sanji!

Vivi and Sanji became quick friends and Cobra was also enjoying this shy well behaved boy, maybe Sora was actually good friends with the Nefertari family and asked them to keep an eye on Sanji if she wasn't not around anymore.

So basicly on that event they see the way Judge treata Sanji as if he doesnt exist while showing heavy amounts of love and attention to his other kids, and the siblings beating up Sanji ans bullying him, not to mention the bruises on Sanji that show it isnt the first time this is happening.

So either they steal him away at the risk of a war but Judge doesnt care to find out who took him and pronounces him dead or maybe kong Cobra is a little more careful ams decides to deceive Judge by making him give up Sanjk to Alabasta (like maybe sell him or maybe they set it up like a marriage alliance where vivi and sanji will be wed when they both are of age)

But Sanji ends up as a nefertari and Vivi's brother ✨

Amazing. I love this and I love your brain. Good Lord it's a whole Ace and Sabo situation where the will of D is fucking handed to someone not technically born with it. Amazing.

Cobra and his family are friends with Sora and they see each other at every Reverie and they watch the children grow as Sora grows weaker. Sora makes them promise to care for Sanji when she passes and it is held in the highest regard to Cobra and his wife. They see the bruises, they understand what is happening. So when Sora passes before they take Sanji. Cobra expects a fight for the third prince but Judge says have him, he's useless, so Sanji is adopted and inherits the will of D. He is not the crown prince, only because he was adopted after Vivi was born. That's it.

He's allowed more to focus on his hobbies that way but he still has royal duties. Everyone can also see the will of D infiltrate his being. He eats like a D, is stubborn like a D, he puts his mind to things like a D. Thank the gods he wants to be a chef because he is a damn good cook. He's also kind and takes care of his people the best he can.

I've headcanoned that Sir Crocodile was a friend of Cobra and a trusted advisor who basically acted as the kids uncle until the coup. He would watch them train with Cobra who would smile and say that Sanji joining the family was one of the best things to happen to them. Crocodile agrees as he watches them grow. Sanji learns not only his martial arts but swords and guns as he is dead set to protect Vivi with his life, not only as her brother but as a member of the Royal Guard.

Then the coup happens in their parched land. He escapes with Vivi and runs. Sanji has to protect the crown and that crown is on his little sister. They watch Baroque Works take control of their home and hold their father prisoner. Sir Crocodile, Mr. 0, became a warlord and has made everything worse. They make it to Whiskey Peak with Karoo and Igaram. Then they meet the Strawhats. And they go with them to take back Alabasta.

Zoro and Sanji still fight but Sanji takes over cooking duties which makes the crew salivate. Vivi and Nami hit it off and Sanji absolutely sends his little sister knowing looks and teasing remarks that make her flush. He says once this is all settled and she nods. Everything is pretty normal, Sanji laughs so hard he's crying to Vivi and Igaram about Crocodile buying the whole 'Mr. Prince' thing and Vivi chokes with how hard she's laughing. He helps Luffy get Nami to Doctorine. Chopper joins and they get to Alabasta. It's the first time in Sanji and Vivi's life in Alabasta they feel the rain, how it drenches them and their father.

It would also be fucking hilarious if the crew had no idea that Sanji isn't just a soldier like Koza but also a prince. When his bounty comes out he looks at it and shrugs. Nefertari D. Sanji is apparently Black Leg Sanji because they didn't recognize him and he certainly doesn't act like a prince. He curses more than anyone and smokes so many cigarettes. It's actually worrying how easily he takes to be a pirate as he bids farewell to his family and Vivi is part of the Nakama even if she isn't on the ship. He keeps in touch with letters.

Until he's sent to Momoiro by Kuma and Ace dies in Luffy's arms.

When they come back together it's still very funny to him that he's royalty and no one knows that or believes it except for Robin who doesn't mention it at all. Jinbei also doesn't mention it even though Sanji is sure he knows. Law doesn't care enough about them to remember much about them probably.

When Sanji goes to protect the crew for WCI he's looking at Judge with anger and annoyance, even as the cuffs are put on. When his bounty is changed to Vinsmoke after the escape he's even more annoyed. He doesn't bring up his name until after Wano before the crews all separate when Law asks him about Germa because fanboy behavior.

"I'm not a Vinsmoke and haven't been since I was a child." Sanji shrugs in response.

"So you've been a pirate for a long time?" Law asks.

"Oh, no. I joined the crew with my little sister in Whiskey Peak, Vivi. She stayed in Alabasta after we kicked Crocodile's ass since she is set to take over the throne." Sanji answers.

"Wait, you're a prince, like actually a prince?" Law asks with puzzlement.

"Technically. I was adopted by the Nerfertari's as a child. My name Nefertari D. Sanji, not Vinsmoke." Sanji nods.

"What the fuck? What the actual fuck?" Law yells as he walks away.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

some of yall should consider unlearning your superiority complex regarding drugs for real. you can talk about the issues with drugs from production to trade, addiction and social consequences without demonising individual drug users. if you want to be supportive of homeless, mentally ill, prostituted, traumatised and otherwise marginalised women - who obviously are not all on drugs but might be at a higher risk - you cant go around and scream about how evil they are for struggling with addiction and substance abuse.

a lot of people with substance abuse issues have started young and often have a family history of drug and alcohol abuse. and if this is the case for you and you didnt develop addiction - congratulations, good for you. if you could just turn addiction on and off, a lot of people would be a lot happier, but fact is that most people with addiction will relapse even if they try going sober, and guilt just makes it more difficult to stop.

if i have to see one more feminist comparing drug use to watching porn i will go feral. porn is harmful to the people in it and women as a group, drugs are primarily self harm. which is an issue but not a moral failure. a lot of porn consumption is literally getting off on violence, the product is the harm done to others, meanwhile buying drugs - like many other products under capitalism - is supporting a system that sadly exploits the most vulnerable without enacting or even engaging with violence yourself. and additionally, a lot of women exploited by the sex industry are on drugs. now what? they are the same as porn consumers? fuck off.

of course it is unethical to buy drugs when it directly supports gang violence, and i understand that someone whose home and people they know have been destroyed by drug use or the drug trade doesnt have the patience for drug users, but its also extremely oversimplified to think these issues will be solved if people just stopped buying drugs. 

blaming drug users for gang members raping and murdering women as a feminist is fucking wild. a woman smoking a joint is responsible for a gang member sexually assaulting another woman? like okay. people also dont need chocolate or coffee which is produced under infamously exploitative conditions with no regard for human rights, should people stop buying that also, or is it more useful to the workers to establish fair trade and urge governments to force corporations to adhere to human and workers rights? what good is it to coca farmers to demonise drug users when gang violence is a result of systemic destabilisation of governments and poverty in production countries as well as the war on drugs, which is directly supported by the demonisation and stigmatisation of addicts?

and dont get me started on gendered aspects of gang violence and how masculinity and machismo play into it. if gangs dont sell drugs, they go more into human and sex trafficking, weapons, and other shit, as long as corruption and poverty are not alleviated. the local drug dealer is also just trying to get by and make cash in a rigged system.

in my humble opinion, legalisation of production, trade and consumption would help both the regions where its produced and the people affected and exploited in the drug trade as well as addicts because a fair trade, workers rights and unions and so on could be established, and money saved on persecuting drug dealers and users could go into rehabilitation programs, and taxes could be used to support everyone involved. resources wasted on the war on drugs could be used to fight remaining gang activity. and so on!

drug use in dedicated places and moderation just like alcohol is not the issue, the issues are one: the production and trade, which is illegalised and criminalised and because of this in the hands of brutal gangs (while other products under capitalism are in the hands of unregulated corporations who care as much about human rights and dignity as gangs do); and two: addiction and other consequences of substance abuse like lowered inhibitions and the link to domestic abuse and other violence, which is also not helped when drug users are stigmatised and buying drugs is criminalised.

i completely understand if you personally take issue and voice criticism of buying drugs especially towards privileged westerners as someone from a country of production, all im asking is some more nuance and as a feminist, compassion with women who have substance abuse issues. no need to coddle anyones feelings, but most addicts - especially women - already feel bad about struggling with addiction and frankly dont need women telling them what a terrible person they are for it, or be told they are just like people who get off on sexual violence.

[richardsphere]

My conclusive overall review of RWBY Vol 9

Now that my feelings on the finale have had half a day to settle. I feel it is time to give my opinion on the season overall instead of just the finale on its own.

The new cast of characters is also somewhat wanting. While one-off characters Jinxy, Herb and the King fulfill their purposes perfectly well. some crucial characters important to the seasons overall narrative (Cat, Lewis, Alyx and Little) were with all either one-note (little), Hollow shells of plot serving to sell a future spin-off book(Lewis and Alyx). The cat was fine though, and fulfilled its purpose well.  For the first half,  Volume 9 suffers from a major disconnect as the plot relies on the characters familiarity with the fairytale. which makes it sort of unsatisfying to watch cause we have no idea how the fairytale even went. As a result we spend half the season wandering around, seemingly aimlessly, while neither characters nor audience have a clue what they are doing besides vaguely advertising an RT’s eventual spin-off book release.  Sort of like the early Sherlock Holmes books, where the plot is moved by sherlock but we only have Wattsons’ knowledge of events to guide us through. Its a clueless mystery with no fulfillment to it. Then moving into the later-half of the season, Where the show attempts to handle difficult topics and, in true RWBY style doesnt always handle it well. While the eventual handliing of ruby’s self-acceptance issues is in the finale is good . The decision to have Jaune’s problems of self-worth be solved by “yes you werent the hero, but would you like to be one now?” leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like its trying to say “Ruby, your impostor syndrome was a bad thing, you should learn to accept yourself for who you are. You’re actually fine as is dont worry about it you are good enough”. meanwhile to Jaune the tree’s messaging is: “yes you’re right, you do suck major ass. and while we dont have any tips on how to improve yourself as a personi can put you in the right time and place to be usefull for just this once because your woodshell happens to be above the cat RN.” and now for  the origami-paperes elephant in the room. The race of little star-shaped Alexanders-the-Great, who commit mass ennui-motivated suicides because they ran out of acre to conquer and/or decorate, and are portrayed as right for taking the easy way out of their boredom. Now i’ve had someone respond to me on an earlier post about the stars, that they believed the stars were meant to be an allegory for people with terrible wasting diseases that leave them frail and in terminal misery, and the process of them making the difficult choice of euthenasia, as well as the difficult path of a family member to come to acceptance with that choice. Which is a heavy, nuanced and important topic that I do not want to make light of in the slightest. So please take no offense when i say that; While I could see the space in which people with those experiences could project themselves into Jaune’s struggle with Penny’s death. I cant actually see that as being the actual situation facing the paperstars themselves. Because the way the stars explain their problem to RWBY is verry much one of boredom and listlessness rather then any state of terminal misery of which only death could possibly grant relief. So the star-subplot either tried to tackle euthenasia and missed the mark by a mile due to framing issues (which is dangerous), or it just said “Remember suicide is an acceptable cure for boredom” which is actively evil. as messages go. Add onto that the fact that, in the long term their solution doesnt actually work, as they’ll redecorate the acre with gems instead of paper. Run out of acre to decorate again like they did the first time and have find a new way to kill themselves again and this subplot fails critically. And because the latter half of the plot is trying to tie 3-or more such heavy topics together in quick succession all together (Ruby’s attempted suicide, Jaune’s grief over Euthenising Penny, Ruby’s self-worth issues, Jaune’s sisiphean hell, Jaune’s self-worth over failing Alyx) the toxic messaging given by the stars subplot spreads across the adjacent plots like a malignant viral infection. Tainting all of them with a “pro-suicide” undertone that i can only hope was never RT’s intention. Top that all off with a the rather unsatisfying finale, focussed more on loredumping then tying together or resolving the seasons emotional beats and I can only say that, Despite its promise for the tone of the series going forward by presenting hope as an actual thing instead of a mere nebulous concept, This season was in my opinion nonetheless, the worst season of the series so far.

[ghostys-originals]

RKZ Fandom Boundaries/ Consent

Ive seen some creators make these boundary lists as of late and although I’ve accepted that I cannot control what a fandom does, I believe its at least important to vocalize my boundaries so there is no confusion in the future.

This is mainly about Roadkillerz, but can be extended to apply to whatever else I make in the future!

[CW: Brief mentions of nsfw topics, p*dophillia, and other problematic subjects common in fandom, will also briefly mention hate speech]

1. Fan Merch/art/fic/etc

- Although I would prefer if you financially supported me first, I do not mind the creating and selling of fan merch such as art prints, stickers, etc!

- With that said, I will discuss what I am personally comfortable with seeing depicted:

1a. Hate Speech

- I do not encourage the promotion of hate speech such as lgbtq+ phobia, racism, sexism, anti semitism, etc using my work/characters as the face for that. Not only does it directly go against my own values, but for RKZ specifically, goes against the intended themes of the series (nazi “punks” are posers)

- On the topic of politics, I dont mind the promotion of, love speech? I guess? I dont know how the groups affected would feel about fandomifying important issues, but if you want to use RKZ characters for political stances that dont fall under hate speech go for it. Pro-lgbtq fan works for example is fair game.

1b. NSFW

- To be super blunt: I do not mind NSFW content as a concept, majority of my characters are of age (18+) unless stated otherwise.

- I, however, will expect some very basic criteria:

One, I do not feel comfortable with ships between family members, adult/children, etc. I dont want to encourage ship discourse since anything can be considered abusive, but as long as its NEITHER of those two things I do not care.

Two, Please be a responsible ADULT (no minors are permitted to publicly post nsfw content of my work) and keep any nsfw art/fanfiction out of the main tags. I understand minors will still seek out content not meant for them, but there are also people (not just minors either) who want to be able to scroll through a tag without seeing something they dont want to. Sex is about consent, and if your work doesnt include at LEAST a warning of some kind that aint good.

Overall just have some common sense, and if you do see people doing these things please dont debate them- just block and move on. I hate it too but getting into flamewars isnt productive and you’ll just be angry and you’ll never change their minds. Bonus thing: love yourself, care for yourself

Ok I think thats the most i’ll put for that? Now for things unrelated to content

2. Staff interactions

2a. I am alright with having a casual back and forth with fans, however I highly discourage developing parasocial relationships. If you wish to be my friend, you HAVE to treat me like a person. I do not respond well to idol-worship or lovebombing. I’ve had many bad experiences with people being super weird with that. I am not saying this to be rude, but I can and will block you if you make me feel uncomfortable, spam my DMs, or do anything else that I believe oversteps my comfort. I prefer to not befriend fans anyway since that promotes power dynamics, plus the before mentioned idol-worship which just makes me feel inhuman, so do not get your hopes up

EDIT: ALSO THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, But do not attempt to block evade/cyberstalk either. It WILL not end well for you. (if you want to know what counts as cyberstalking, it should be at the point where you dedicate your life to finding out literally everything about a person- casually checking my socials is fine as long as it doesnt absorb your life)

Cyberstalking and block evading are a clear rejection of established boundaries and if you participate in that, then you are just scum. Theres no woke twist you can put on it to justify it. Its wrong no matter how you feel about somebody.

2b. With that said, please do not harass anybody involved with the production of Roadkillerz/Other works including VAs, friends, friend of friends, etc. Please remember that they are humans too and have the right to privacy and healthy relations like anybody else.

2c. Fetish mining/sharing nsfw content/etc: Even though I said I dont mind NSFW content, I still do not consent to receiving sexual messages from strangers that includes but are not limited to sexting/flirting, sending nsfw art/fics, irl photos in a sexual manner, requesting I draw fetish material like Sam wearing a straight jacket (TRUE STORY, BY THE WAY.), etc.

If i think of anything else I’ll add to this but for now I believe this should be enough.

[houseofpurplestars]

I want to make this its own post because I know a lot of people are not used to being engaged with "current events" for this long. That's okay. You gotta be a beginner before you can be anything else.

A lot of people are gonna shame you for feeling fatigued by it, but whatever. We are all different and none of us are ever equipped to see the things we have seen. Empire is ruthless for a reason: to stop you fighting back.

Liberation is a marathon, not a sprint. Showing up everyday is a muscle that you gotta keep working. If you have the privilege to rest, do it. But please come back to us. We need you.

Firstly,

It's okay to feel guilty. It's valid to feel guilty, its hard to want to help and not be able to. That's a valid feeling. I would urge you to put those feelings toward the fight for liberation, even if you can only spread awareness and educate yourself. Awareness is important and our numbers are important. Just showing up is important. Being educated and learning history is important. How can you know better if you don't learn?

Every action you take is important, no matter how small. That may be difficult for you to believe. That's okay. Keep reminding yourself, be patient with yourself, be curious why you believe that there is nothing you can do. Someone told you that. Who was it, and what do they want from you?

When you get in your feelings about it, explore that with compassion and curiosity. Feeling your feelings is gonna help you deal with them in the long run. You may feel silly or guilty for having feelings about it because you're not the one starving or displaced, but its not going to help you to deny your feelings.

Whatever your sacrifice, whether its your favorite starbucks drink or the movie you've been waiting to see, remember, whatever you are giving up, you are doing that on behalf of Palestine and the Palestinian people, and on behalf of everyone suffering so that you can be comfortable.

By not buying a new iphone this year you are telling the corporations exploiting the people of DRC that you don't need what they're selling you. You're doing it for those people because a better world is possible. A world without exploitation is possible. You believe that, and you want that to be our future.

You are doing it for your fellow people who maybe don't have the privileges that you do. Feel PROUD of that, and feel accomplishment in the small acts of boycott.

Keep your morale up. Everytime you don't go to Starbucks, say, "yes, i made a difference." Everytime you have a hard conversion about Palestine with a family member, tell yourself, "yes. I made a difference." Everytime you learn how to fix something instead of buying a new one, tell yourself, "yes. I made a difference." When you decide to buy one brand that doesn't support the occupation over the one that does, tell yourself, "yes. I made a difference." When you tell your friends, "you dont need a new phone this year because apple exploits children in mines in DRC," tell yourself, "yes. I made a difference."

Part of Resistance as a practice is giving it power within ourselves. If you think in your mind, "posting about Palestine doesnt matter," then it won't matter to you and you won't do it. Explore your personal values and stick with them.

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober day 11:

"All the lights going dark, and my hopes destroyed"

Animal trap | captivity | "no one will find you."

Fandom: Ducktales

Prompts used: All

Soooo this combines things with Donald in it, meaning small things were changed here and there. Including the whole Webby being April and May and June being clones etc. If you don't know my military headcanons for Donald, I have a chapter explaining it in the 'Dime a Dozen au'. Brief recap is basically he and his team (including Josés older sister) were held captive on their last mission and experimented on. Donald loses feeling in like half his body, and two members on his team. Any questions, don't be afraid to ask!

…

Donald really needed to just, stop trying to do things. Obviously he just wasn't good at it, wasn't made for this world of doers, was cursed to never be able to complete anything. He thinks the only people that were ever able to work with his bad luck without his detriment, were the Caballeros and co. It feels like every other thing he can think of ended badly for him more often than not. And yeah, sometimes that was okay, 'cause it was saving others, but he's so tired.

He had gone on this little trip, by himself, because it was rumored to have exactly what he wanted. When you have a family like his, it was hard to get them gifts. Donald always hated that he couldn't spoil the boys like he wanted to, but he could do better now. And this time, all he needed was the mineral he could supposedly find here. To make a compass for Huey, a boomerang for Dewey, a shield for Louie-and maybe a piece for him to sell, a dagger for Webby, a new leg piece for Della, a handle for José's cane, a new piece for Panchitos guns, and new glasses frames for Uncle Scrooge.

He had a whole plan, was even hoping he'd find excess for a couple extra gifts for one, but of course, why would anything go his way? 

He feels numb, flat on his back staring up at the sky, one leg is bleeding profusely where iron has punctured skin, something he should definitely take care of, but he can't seem to get the gumstion to rise. He wonders what creatures out here would warrant such a trap, and why it was on a path instead of off it, or he wonders until a shadow falls over him and a face comes into view. 

How many times will he almost die before he does? Especially for being a part of his family, or for the friends he has, he should have kept his emo stage and stayed indoors. 

"Hello Mr. Duck." 

John D. Rockerduck had disappeared after the whole FOWL thing went down, along with several other nemesis' of Scrooge. So why wouldn't Donald find him on his first trip alone? He would have preferred Glomgold, he did not typically use traps such as these- though Donald supposed the hired muscle might of- but as it was, he's got a leg clamped in a foothold trap, an old arm injury acting up, and zero quacks to give. 

"Finally I can hit McDuck where it hurts!" 

"Oh? Is your money bin bigger than his?" Donald knows that he's almost never understood, but he'd burst if he kept all his comments to himself.

"Had to be the noisey one though, no matter. Jeeves!" The lumbering half dead butler muscle comes into view, bending down and slinging Donald under his arm with ease. "It's gonna be over for you, and with Scrooge at his weakest, I will finally show the world who's better!" 

Laughable really. But Rockerduck can think what he wants, Donald can at least envision his face when he realizes he's failed once again at Scrooge's hands, even if he doesnt get to actually see it. 

Panch and Zé had worried about him going alone, worried about his mindset and all that. He can see why now, laying limp in an enemy's arm, leg useless, feeling less than spectacular. He should be angry, fighting, screaming nonsensical barbs… wow, it's a rare state to find him feeling meh without the anger. 

"Say hello to your new home!"

 

Before he can even look up and make a snip about free real estate, he's airborne with an undignified squawk. He sees smooth dirt on all sides for several long moments before he lands with a thump- only years of falling that keeps him from braining himself, though his body would still bite back with a 'hurts like heck'. 

"If you try and get out, I'd keep an eye out for the night beast the locals are all chatting about. Oh and don't worry, no one will find you. Bye Bye!" Donald can hardly make out his silhouette above him, hole so deep the light barely creeps all the way down.

With both his legs, it probably wouldn't be too hard, Donald has gotten out of worse, but with his leg as it is itd take awhile, and he would rather not take his chances if there is a night beast. One could argue it's not laziness if he's avoiding a larger problem. 

Ah, is that where Louie's brain goes? 

Well, if he dies here, his family will surely kill him again for dying so soon after his last almost death with the whole FOWL thing. Maybe Duckworth would let him stay with him? 

Deciding to be semi productive in the meantime, Donald grasps at the two springs on the trap and pushes down as hard as he's able, moving his leg diagonally and hissing as it pulls free. Casually ripping his sleeve off he binds his leg as best he can, grateful it didn't get to the bone breaking part. This is certainly not nearly as bad as his time in the Navy. 

He leans back against the compact dirt wall, cool and damp as the heat of the day fades. But with the fading heat goes the sunlight, and his hole is slowly filling with shadows. He and the moon may not be on the best of terms, but he wouldn't mind its light right about now. 

He jinxed himself, he should know better by now really. Shaking his head, curling closer to himself to keep warm, All the lights going dark, and his hopes destroyed once again. He'd just wanted to make his family some gifts. It was just supposed to be a nice easy trip. 

How long would he wait this time? Would they look for him? Was the effort of getting out even worth it? He scratches absently at the wall, only to catch on something solid. Curiosity piqued and reaching through the bars of his mind, he put more effort into his scratching, revealing exactly what he'd come here for. 

What irony, to be thrown in a hole where his objective was waiting. His laugh is on the edge of hysterics, as he finds his time occupied with digging. Filling a makeshift bag- his undershirt sacrificed for the duty- full of the material, he uses the gouges as hand and foot holds. 'Look at me being productive and stuff, ha!' 

Just as he reaches the ledge, thinking just maybe he could brush all this off and pretend it didn't happen, a growl echoes around him. He groans, dragging his leg over the ledge like the dead weight it is, and lays there for a moment. He ponders staying there vs running- or well hobbling- and ultimately his hard earned loot wins out. He rolls, momentums himself into a standing position, balancing on one foot. He glares at the nature around him and the dumb moon that still evades his vision and leaves his surroundings annoyingly shadowy. 

Before he can get his first embarrassing hop going, the growling is right behind him, echoed by a scottish accented response. He turns an unimpressed head to find Scrooge and Della on a bear of all things.

"Donald!" 

"That's a bear." Donald states it, hoping to remind them of their mortality- however vague it may be. 

"Bah, I speak bear lad, dinnae worry about it." 

"Uh, but maybe worry about your leg, or we'll be twinning from head to toe!" Dellas' flashlight aims right at him and he shields his eyes with a glare.

"Rockerduck is on his way to the mansion." 

"Oh good, Webby's been wanting to test the new defenses. Get on lad, we'll get ye home." 

"I was rescuing myself." Donald says, making his way around the bear cautiously, weird hop not even causing the animal to flinch. 

"We should have been here sooner, we'll do better, no more rescue worthy scenarios!" Della heaves him up, and Donald can see her worry up close. 

A strange thing, what ten years and several life or death scenarios can do to a relationship. Did they care before? Maybe.

He looks at them as they make their way towards the awaiting plane. 

Are they working on it now? 

Yeah… maybe they are.

[brella-boi]

Thinking about doing art as a life thing. Like in a general sense. Theres this stigma that if you do art as a living youre going to be a starving artist. It isnt that far from the truth but I also dont think its like that entirely either. Of course current economic atmosphere is playing a big part, but thats affecting EVERY family not just artists.

Im thinking how so many families try to drive out the idea of being an artist out of peoples heads as a career when they dont understand how vast the choices are. Is designing this lamp on your desk not art? Is building that dinner table not art? Are all the graphics online and UI and icons not art? All the childrens books, and childrens TV, all the special effects in marvel and costume making and prop design and building in real life and 3D. Is that not art?

Families have this immediate train of thought of traditional paintings set up in galleries selling for millions once the artist dies. When in reality thats not really the case. Most fine arts artists set their prices as fairly affordable. They dont want art to be a rich people thing. They want you to enjoy the piece and not break your back while still being paid for their labor.

Its crazy to me. An artist I used to be taught by did childrens workshops and earned a living that way. Almost every member of the museum I know has a main job (whether it relates to art or not is up to them.)

If you want to take up art as your primary source of living then of course you need a backup. But theres isnt any unmarried/unpartnered person that works and can afford their own home. Hell, I got a job that pays pretty average and I wouldnt afford living alone. People who know the risk, still do it, and have no extra funds or savings under their belt have a hard time when they DO move out suddenly realise it wasnt a wise choice. But not because the career is art. Its because any starting job doesnt allow for living alone. Not in this economy.

Which goes back to that stereotype of a failing artist.

Listen when you put your mind to something you WILL achieve it. It will be hard there will be hurdles but if you have the determination and perseverance you. will. achieve. your goals. With help or without. Whether its in your 20s, or your 30s, maybe even 50s. Life doesnt end at 20.

But theres still this one thing that nags me. Because growing up (and im sure others can relate) all the negativity from family only spurred me on. I was going to be successful in one way or another. And you know what? Im proud of where i am. I have a job in the industry with 3 years under my belt now. I have an online shop and can table at cons. Im part of a local group where we sell our art. And, I am part of a gallery now. Im pretty stable, and I am happy. I havent moved out but Im building my savings until I can.

And you know what my family tells me?

"Why dont you become an accountant since this isnt working out?"

Its this paradox of wanting to prove yourself to someone who will never see you as equal, who is never going to see the world through the eyes of an artist and opportunist (because lets be honest, thats what we are) and watch you succeed and climb and do things they once told you were unachievable.... And then still hold your hand and gently ask you, with eyes filled with pity and worry for things which dont exist, if maybe you should consider an office job instead.

[aamethyst000]

DID YOU ALL SEE THE NORTHERN LIGHTS?! (may 11,24 - 8:45pm)

DUDE!!!! the fckn northern lights were so gorgeous last night!!ive nerver been more happy to be alive than i did last night and propably tinght too!! the fucking colours were so goddamn pretty!! all that magick looking arouras. god i love the northern lights~ i hope the clouds clear up again tonight and that the lights are brighter!! right now, i am cleaning up my room and then rearranging them to fit me better and for "change of season" feeling. keeping myself occupied until the lights come out. the sad thing though is that there was a (very) young one just passed away not even 2 days ago. those parents are only a few years younger than i am. its baffeling. and very sad. i hope those two can recover well, and that no one bothers them about it. this village is already rude about the funerals that happen here. almost no one repsects them, and the ones that do, are a part of that family or it was one of their family members passing away. the respect never stays. anyway, enough about saddness and funerals, the northern lights will be going off soon enough and i want my room to be clean before that happens, and judging by last night, it wiill be cold af again tonight.

11:08pm - judging by the weather tonight, we wont be able to see the northern lights. im so glad the was got to see them last night, they were so bright. my mom got sick just 2 days before mothers day, which is gotta suck all round for her. poor ma, she says its not but what may have push her over was drinking the last cup of coffee last night at 2am. i also think she was slowly getting sick before that, but it was body soreness and even more insomnia. she didnt even smoke today, how bad she feels, which sucks because we dont have any meds for her to take to properly recover. got no fricken money either. its very unfortunate that this happens almost every single time. its ridiculous how often this happens, and even when we do get some meds for us, we still end up with nothing once one of us in the house get sick. so if my mother is sick right now, i wonder who in the house will be next. so far, ive been the only one in mums room, so it might be me. on another note, the moon tonight looks so pretty~ its too bad that the clouds wont clear up for tonight. such a shame. i was so exicted and preparing myself to go outside and take lots of pictures while also admiring it. the way that the lights looked right above us was amazing, like it was circling right above the village <3 if you want to see my northern lights pictures, go to my instagram: @photographer.amethyst

i am posting what ive edited there and they look amazing! if i do say so myself <3 there are a few people now, trying to message me about being a freelancer or not. hell, just to sell my photography in general. i only do this as a hobby, selling my picutres will be a last resort only. this is not my last resort. at least, not yet it isnt. but thats for another day. right now, im going to have a puff and watch youtube videos for the rest of the night. so i think that this entry will be short as well. just maybe.

1:05am - it doesnt seem to be like the night to watch the notrthern lights tonight. it kind of sucks but i am so glad i got lots of pictures to edit and post <3 i just find it weird that it is very cold out right now and i just want to go back inside and curl up in my penguins blanket, never come out of my little cuccoon that i have made for myself. i made a second pot for myself basically. my little brother isnt drinking coffee, which is okie, its his choice. but its just me drinking the whole pot for now and for however long my mother will be ill for. hopefully this doesnt last long, conidering that we do not have any medicine for her to take. unfortunatly. even though she didnt eat at all today, she seems to need to throw up, or feel like thorwing up. dry heaving and whatnot. it genuinly does sound like that shit hurts. lots of thought run through my head when she gets like this. lots of anxiety and worry as well. i wonder if this is how she felt with all of her kids while we were growing up, and to change perspective, i wonder if this is how she felt when she was looking after her mother(my gran) while she was sick for a bit too. if so, no wonder she does everything in her power to make sure that we feel better and recover quick with the medicine she manages to find for us. speaking of, i may have to use my savings to go to the store again to find some medicine for her there. anyway, i think ill stop for tonight, hope you enjoy today/tonights entry, have a good day/night, readers~

[inkstainedwanderer]

Me yesterday: I am finally getting life back on track. I got the paycheck owed to me two weeks ago and I'm about to be caught up with rent! Back to 38 hours a week, so maybe I can finally get food in my fridge and still have money to do something fun! This is great. I like this. Oh? My friend is spending $500 a month on gas and cant find an apartment in my area? It feels good to have a spare room to offer temporarily until he can find one! And if he says yes I can save even more money. Oh yeah. Good things are happening!

Grandma last night: It's happening. Your uncle is dying. They have him on so much morphine that he's just checked out. I'm coming up there tomorrow. Can you come out and visit?

Me: /at work, already tearing up/ Oh.... um... I mean.... I can try, but I just started my work week today.

Grandma: Also, we were hoping you could take Cujo tomorrow. He isnt getting any attention. Your uncle doesnt even know he's there.

Me: Well... I mean... I just started my work week, so i wouldnt be able to be home to see if he adjusts or make sure he and my cat are okay. I work eight to ten hour days most of the time so I couldnt even be there to let him out... I could try this weekend? I'm at work now, but I can see about things tomorrow.

Grandma: /clearly frustrated/ Well, you know Bandit cant live without Cujo. We were hoping you would take them both.

Me: /lives in an apartment and already said I couldnt take two dogs before/ I-... If I could, i would, but I cant.

Grandma: well, Bandit is going to get put down then.

Me: /quietly crying and distressed, avoiding eye contact with coworkers/ If i could... I just cant. I havent even really got to talk to my building manager about Cujo.

Grandma: I'm just letting you know. But I'll be up there, your other uncle is going to pick me up tomorrow. Oh! And he's not going to last long either. He's dying too.

Me: Oh....

Grandma: I'm sorry if this is upsetting, especially with you being at work. How about I call you back tomorrow?

Manager: /asks what happened because I'm failing to not be a crying mess/ Do you need to leave? If you gotta go, go. We'll be okay.

Me: I cant do anything. I dont want to abandon you guys. /spends the rest of the night crying in a cycle of mourning my uncles, stressing over the dogs, and feeling guilty about how I wish I didnt have my family anymore because I'm so tired of being put in these situations by them.

Yep... just as I was getting back up... gotta get kicked back down again. It just feels like the way of things now. And people say I just need to be positive and not focus on the negatives, but I was being positive when things were going good. Reality is that things are not good. No amount of focusing on the positive changes how shit this whole thing is. They've literally told me i'm losing two family members and then dropped the weight of two other living creatures deaths in my lap at the same time. There is no positive. One third of my family sells drugs and weapons, one third of my family betrayed me when my dad was dying, and one third seems to lack any empathy for the fact I am not the person who needs to be saddled with all of the emotional burdens 24/7 for the past 16 years. She's already carrying a ton of bags, let's just give her some more! Yep. Yep. I am fine. This is fine. I'll just look at the positives. It isnt raining today so i can ride my new bike to work and stay dry. That makes me feel so much better.

[anonbeeishere]

Secret Princes Wilbur and Tommy AU

the sleepy bois are the ruling family of the antarctic empire, which is one of the largest and strongest kingdoms in the world

it goes king phil, crown prince technoblade, and princes wilbur and tommy

the royal family has a tradition where, in order to connect with their people and learn other cultures, each member of the royal family will leave to travel the world at age 15 with one or two trusted people. when tommy turns 15 he leaves with wilbur

the point of this journey is that no one knows theyre the princes, so they just dont tell anybody and like walk or ride horseback everywhere.

they send a letter home at least once a week to let their family know theyre safe and where they are.

they pick up tubbo somewhere along the way and he & tommy become best friends and he travels with them

they dont tell him anything for a while but once theyre sure they can trust him they do

he figured it out a long ass time ago tho lmao

so they travel as a trio for a while

shortly after tommy turns 16 they come upon the lands of the dream smp

they send a letter back to phil saying theyre gonna stop there for a while and then continue on later

and then the letters just stopped

phil & tech get like. SUPER WORRIED bc theyve lost all contact with their family

so they decide to go there themselves and send a messenger ahead of them asking for an urgent diplomatic meeting.

(meanwhile wilbur decided Hey Drugs Are Nice Actually and started a revolution bc he wanted to sell them and just,,,,, forgot,,,,,, about sending letters back home)

by the time phil & techcno got worried enough to go find them the whole election had gone down so theyre exiled and in pogtopia when they get there

the people who show up to the meeting are dream, eret (since theyre technically King), and schlatt and his cabinet (george quackity and tubbo)

phil calls the meeting to order and tells them that his eldest and youngest sons had gone on their Journey and that the last theyd been heard from was in this area, so “If anyone has heard anything about my sons, Princes Wilbur and Tommy, please, we haven’t heard from them in months.”

chaos ensues

tubbo just spends this whole meeting holding back laughter bc this is honestly so funny to him

dreams like “oh fuck i SHOT the prince of the antarctic empire”

schlatt is trying to think of ways to turn this in his favor

tubbo pipes up “hi mr king philza i know where they are! i’m tubbo!”

and phil lights up like “oh tubbo! my sons have told me so much about you!”

(quack george & eret are just sitting in shocked silence the whole time)

so the meeting comes to an end and tubbo offers to go get the two missing princes while everyone else waits in manburg

so word got out that the king and crown prince of the antarctic empire were paying the smp a visit and so theyve attracted a bit of a crowd

(its basically everyone who wasnt in the meeting)

everyone who was there is still kinda in shock so no one says anything

phil & techno (but mostly phil bc “oh no social situations”) talk to the people of manburg while waiting on tubbo and phil gets into a conversation with niki about whats been going down around here. he learns about all the war & election stuff from her.

meanwhile she is INCREDIBLY curious about why theyre here and no ones said anything yet but she doesnt want to ask bc yknow. royal family & all

and then techno is rugby tackled by a flying tommy. like “teeeeEEEEEECHNOOOOOOO” B A M

everyone around them is like. horrified. bc techno being techno has a reputation for his battle prowess and bloodthirstiness so theyre like “oh god is he going to be murdered”

but no. phil just busts a gut laughing at the boys on the ground while techno complains in his typical deadpan tone

tommy starts rambling at techno and about a minute later here comes wilbur & tubbo.

they see the sheer confusion happening and tubbos like “did you not tell them??” phil: “and miss out on this? no way”

(phil can have a little chaos. as a treat)

after phil stops laughing he pries tommy off of techno and pulls both his missing boys into a hug like “oh god i was so worried you didnt write for months i didnt know if you were even alive” and they both feel so guilty and apologise and they just hug for a minute

(tommy grabs techno & drags him in too)

and when phil’s done reassuring himself that his boys are ok he does a COMPLETE 180. he grabs them both by the ear like “now whats this i hear about you starting wars in foreign countries??? i taught you better than to start shit with potential allies!!”

everyone around them is so fuckin confused. niki’s just like “uh,,,, tubbo? do you know whats going on?”

he just casually says “oh i forgot you guys didnt know! yeah tommy and wilbur are princes of the antarctic empire”

“.......WHAT”

wilbur & tommy get scolded for a solid 20 minutes while the entire population of manburg goes through the realization that these idiots are royalty. fundy & niki get over it the quickest & fundy decides to be a lil shit

(so in this au fundy isnt really wilburs son but instead he’s accidentally called wilbur dad MULTIPLE TIMES so its become a running joke between the members of the former l’manburg that fundy is his son)

so after the Scolding he walks up to wilbur like “hey DAD why dont you introduce me to my grandpa?”

wilburs like “FUNDY NO- ugh dad this is our friend fundy. he keeps calling me dad by mistake so now we call him my son as a joke”

“..... i cant believe im already a grandfather” (tommy laughs so hard he falls over again)

techno and phil can’t stay for too long after they make sure everything is okay so they stay for like a week to get to know will & tommy’s friends (and techno does a bit of Threatening @ dream & schlatt so they stop with the serious fighting shit)

they also do some ~~~~politics talk~~~~ to smooth everything over bc like. they DID start a revolution in a foreign country

tommy gets his discs back as part of it but phil immediately takes them away for the rest of the time he’s there

will & tommy decide they want to stay at least a little while longer bc they have friends there and dont want to leave quite yet. phil lets them but they have to promise not to start any more wars and schlatt decides to be smart for once and revokes the banishment so its mostly,,, well not peaceful bc this IS the dream smp but theres not any more big wars at least

and at some point everyone goes to visit the antarctic empire and see where tommy & wilbur grew up and realize how COLD it is there

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[adorable-deku]

For the song ask game = 'Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!' by Will Wood? I would link it but Tumblr doesn't like me for some reason

i really enjoyed this song. idk if youve also listened to these but if u love this song i recommend brutus by the buttress and viva discordia by the handsome devil

anyway, the au: izuku doesnt have a quirk (as usual). all might tells him that becoming a hero would be suicidal

izuku's like 'yeah? ill fuckin show u suicidal'

joins an underground fighting ring to prove that he isnt weak and useless

he loses at first. he loses a lot. inko got pretty negligent after her husband left bc of izukus quirklessness, so thats one more thing fuelling izukus spite. anyway, she doesnt notice that he comes home injured all the time, and doesnt pick up the phone from the school telling her he isnt coming in.

eventually izuku starts using his smarts to strategize against his opponents, how to use their quirks against them, how to make their bodies betray themselves

he learns how to read their psyche, how to find and dig at psychological wounds like a bloodhound

understandably, he makes enemies

he feels bad, at first. he has nothing against these people, but a fight is a fight and izuku has something to prove

hes nice and apologetic to ppl he pissed off in the ring, much less nice to ppl who attack him unprovoked

ppl realize something is wrong when one day bakugou catches izuku by the shoulder and izuku nearly strangled him against the wall and snarls 'try it again ill kill u' and it feels real

bakugou was less scared of the slime villain than he is of izuku in that moment

izuku sees it. he stumbles back and runs away bc bakugou was right. he couldnt be a hero. he didnt think he was a villain, but...

his info gets spread around: the quirkless champion of the kawara underground ring

he draws peoples interest. some negative, some positive, some neutral

he starts getting attacked oretty frequently by assholes like the dregs of the MLA, ppls he previously fought and screwed over, and sometimes their family members with a grudge

oftentimes izuku gets hurt, even so he doesnt kill the people that come after him

one fucker holds a kid histage to get izuku in his hands (overhaul) and izuku fucking loses it

obviously leaving these fucks alive is dangerous to both izuku and everyone else

overhaul is the first to go. he gains the bastards trust, lures him into a sense of security, then hits him w one of the quirk suppressant bullets, then stabs him to finish the job

the facility is a mess, and izuku takes jo prisoners bc everyone here is scum (except eri, who he very quietly drops off at yuuei bc if any ppl could handle eris quirk itd be nedzu and eraserhead)

izuku continues to gain power to keep himself safe, whether he really wants it or not

he creates a truce w shigaraki that essentially boils down to : i wont step on ur toes if u dont step on mine.

someone kills inko one day. izuku grieves as much as he can, organizes her funeral, then fucking vanishes

dedicates his life to growing stronger and staying alive, having completely forgotten that his original goal was to probe that he was strong enough to be a hero

it all comes to a head when izuku is doing some training in the basement of his organization (criminal, information-gathering, becoming a huge threat bc they sell info to villains and heroes hve no clue how theyre getting the info) and all might fucking busts in

and then hes lost for a solid minute bc isnt that the kid who asked him if he could be a hero

izuku grins and asks 'so? would you say im suicidal?'

essentially, this au is summed up by izuku hitting rock bottom and pulling out a pickax