#to succeed and even then it's a nightmare. never do what you love it's a scam okay I'm getting stoned goodbye

[discountdyke]

music school is fucking vile people would rather destroy excellent young musicians than admit for one minute that their standards are unobtainable

[kissitbttr]

nobody understands how you did it.

how you managed to swept him off his feet, breaking the walls he had built pieces by pieces, how the fuck did you get him to be comfortable with you? to be open with you? and only with you.

‘never seen him this happy or loose in a long time, lass. what’s your trick, eh?’ the captain pulls a joke, making the rest of the team laugh. ‘i think I speak for everyone when i say, he never brings a girl out. let alone introducing her to us.’

that one is true. years of being friends with ghost, the captain nor his closest friend ‘soap’ has ever seen him out on a date. they encouraged him though, since there have been so many women tried their ways to get close with the big guy, yet none of them succeed.

the masked men would often just shrug them off and give one hard cold answer. they would back away immediately

“guess i just have my ways” is what you always say. even soap couldn’t register how it happened. he couldn’t figure it out himself, he knows the lad way longer than you do.

they don’t believe you. because there is no way in hell that all you did was to bat your lashes, show him your adorable giggle and he was in. there’s gotta be more to it.

so what is it about you that draws him close? what is it about you that makes ghost’s eyes light up each time you step into the room? what is it about you that makes ghost’s heart skip a beat every time he talks to you?

certainly not because how you’re so patient in getting to know with him, right? not because how you trace his scars ever so lightly and call them pretty every single time he’s doubtful about himself. not because how you console him with ‘I’ve got you, baby’ each night a nightmare comes back to haunt him while rubbing his back soothingly. not because how you shower him with soft, gentle kisses to remind him that your love for him is bigger than anyone could have offered. not because how you understand why he can’t say the three letter words to you, just yet. still, you stick around.

definitely not, right? there’s no way. he’s simon ghost riley. no one or nothing could ever be good enough to make this man come out of his shell. it’s impossible, right? you’ll need a miracle for that.

“love?” you hear a voice calls, along with the sound of keys being tossed into a ceramic bowl. heavy boots thumping against the marble floor,

you step out of the kitchen. long hair tied up into a messy updo, clear frame glasses perched on the bridge of your nose. dressed in one of his favorite sleeping gown as your eyes locked with his brown ones. the balaclava still attached to mask his handsome face.

scarred lips stretch into a smile the moment his beautiful fiancé emerges from the kitchen.

he drops his bag onto the floor, pulling the mask off of him slowly. revealing his disheveled blond hair as he takes slow steps towards you.

“hi, baby” your voice brings him home. no soul could ever take away from him. he longs for that angelic tone each time he gets deployed. three or six months without listening to you speak to him is just insanity.

he’d rather lose his hearing entirely than not having to hear you at all.

he’s quick to embrace you in his arms. your face hiding in the crook of his neck, inhaling that signature scent of his that you had missed, dearly.

“what are you making?” he mumbles into the crown of your hair, giving it a peck before pulling away slightly to take a good look at you. “it smells good”

“your favorite” you kiss his chin, causing his cheeks to redden at the affection. “i even bought those lumpias down the 112th street. i know how much you love them. pretzels bites from the deli for snacks aaand, black pepper beef with rice for your dinner. sounds good?”

simon leans against the doorway as he watches you plate everything. rambling about everything. his smile widens even more at your domestic antics. the way you talk with your hands as you mention another annoying co-worker that keeps bugging you and the way you roll your eyes when a splash of gravy spill from the plate.

truly is a sight.

“why are you looking at me like that?” your lips raise into a curious smile, finger moving a dark lock that sticks into your forehead,

he gives you a small shrug. gaze not leaving you neither does his smile.

“you’re just so beautiful”

something so simple yet it makes your stomach fills with butterflies.

you chew on your lower lip to prevent you from smiling too much, but a hint of blush is dusting your cheeks betrays you.

“come, papi… don’t want the food to get cold now, do we?” you change the subject while you nod your head towards the empty seat across. “eat with me”

the two of you sit there while making a small talk. stealing glances every second. feeding each other’s food. soft laughs fall upon both of your mouths when one make a terrible joke.

something you’d see when two people are in love. c

so yes, the answer to that question. it is possible. because you made it possible. you made it possible for him to love again. even if he had to start all over. you made it possible for him to be vulnerable. you gave him a purpose the moment he thought things were looking bad for him.

he found a solace within your existence.

only you made it possible to bring the simon in him.

vbecause you. are his home

[lovely-peace]

After last night...

Summary: After meeting and talking with a certain brown haired boy with those lovely scars in the hospital wing, well let's just say you think about giving people a chance.

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Gryffindor!reader

Part 1 Part 2

I think this is the last part tbh but tell me if you want more. 2.1k wc.

"And he really said that??" Amy looked at me as if he proposed.

"Yeah, I guess." This was so confusing, I couldn't make anything out of it.

"You guess?!!" I shushed Amy, since other people at the table were looking at us. And we shouldn't be so loud on a monday morning at the breakfast table.

"I mean, I don't really know what he means with that and-"

"You don't know what he means? Bi- I mean- Stupid, he means what he says! He wants to know you!"

Her eyebrow raised a bit.

"But-" I searched for the words in my head but there was only blank. "Why?"

Amy facepalmed hard and sighned. "You are hopless. Really hopless."

"Kinda harsh." I whispered.

Amy smirked as she looked behind me. And as if to throw me in a cave of waiting lions, she said: "James, Sirius! So good to see you."

I felt myself tensing at the exclamation of their names and at the fact they were standing not so far behind me.

Amy's smirk widened. "You know my friend and I were just talking about your friend Remus. How is he? We were kinda worried. Is he still in the hospital wing?"

Oh sweet death. Sometimes I wonder, when will you release me fron this torture? This torture which is also called embarrassment or humiliation.

I heard James' laughter.

"Oh, are you now? I will tell him that." I turned around to see him smirking at me. "He is out of the hospital wing, no worries. He got something else that's keeping him in his bed."

Sirius cleared his throat. "And before you think anything not so good of him, he got something we call cowardritis. He's a scaredy-cat."

Amy leaned forward. "And why does he has this sickness?" I could hear her smirk.

"Well…" James raised his hand towards his hair and tried to tame it, which would never succeed. "He may has said something he's embarrassed about."

"To someone, he doesn't know what to expect from." Sirius coughed and quickly looked away from me. But his smirk said more than any word could.

What should I do? I didn't even know him. Like, at all? And I didn't know if he was even serious about anything he said.

"Well.." I started. And I almost just stopped at that. Like always I almost just ignored everything around me. But this time-

"Tell him to get well soon from me."

. . .

James and Sirius stared at me as if I said I wanted to marry a Werwolf. Both of them slowly looked at each other. And then there it was. The smirks of them slowly grew.

"But oh! look at the time!" I grabbed my things and stood up. "We have DADA next, Amy! Can't be late!" I hurried down the hall as I heard Amy say:

"Don't mind her guys. She's just shy."

~~

"Soooooooo…" Amy slowly catched up to me. "You and Remus, huh?"

"Amy." I tried to stop her, but who in this world could ever stop Amy?

"Well, you wouldn't look bad together, I must say that." I could hear her devious smirk. "And he is even tall! And has those brown curls…"

"AMY!" I hid my face between my hands. "Please."

"What? I'm just saying, I can understand you. He IS handsome. And even though the bookish silent guy is not my type, I can understand it."

She sounded so proud of herself. Somehow it made me laugh.

"And those scars? They do make him mysterious and cool."

I couldn't stop my laughter escape my hands. "Amy, Stop."

"Who are you talking about?"

…

Never in my life. Did I turn so fast. Did my laughter die so fast. Never.

Marlene grinned at us. "Perhaps Remus Lupin?"

Amy looked at me and laughed. I bet I had the most horrified expression of the century. This scene could be out of my worst nightmares.

"What did you hear?" My voice was shaking as I looked at her.

Her grin widened even more. "Well that answers my question."

And with that she just turned and walked away.

~~

"Please get a hold of yourself! This is really pathetic." Amy shook her head as I hid myself under my blanket in our dorm.

"She heard us."

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "Yeah she did."

"And she thinks I would date Remus."

"I mean is she wrong?"

I threw my blanket to the other side of ny bed and looked up at Amy.

"What?"

"What?" She looked at me clueless and I sighed. I grabbed my blanket again and hid my face again.

Amy almost groaned, like one of those alpha males in these fanfictions- and that was ridiculous, I mean we aren't in a fanfiction.

"Would dating him be so bad?"

I looked up at her again. "What? No, of course not. That's not my point."

She tilted her head. "Then what is it?"

I don't want anyone making fun of me. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want that.

But I do want to know him.

"I don't know."

Amy raised an eyebrow. "Come on, let's go to the common room."

"Why?" My blanket felt so warm.

"Maybe they are there."

And as if that was convincing me to go there. As if the option of seeing his beautiful deep eyes again would make me leave my bed and go the stairs down to the common roo-

~~

"Oh look who the cat dragged in!" Sirius' voice startled me a bit as we came into the room. But he smiled nicely at us and waved us towards their group. James, Lily, Marlene, Sirius and, well he was there.

I tried not to look at him too much, but his eyes were like magnets for my eyes. But somehow I managed to look away.

"Wanna join us? We planned a little get together. And we even managed to get food from the kitchen."

I'm really pathetic.

And my mind was constantly screaming at me. This would never end well, at some point I would be only a joke for them. My mind was going crazy.

But something somehow changed. I don't know what it was. But my mind wasn't the loudest in my body.

No my heartbeat was going crazy.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!" Amy smiled and looked at me like a mother trying to get her kid to say something. And this kid was struggling. I didn't want to sound mean, but also not to desperate. How do you even talk normal with new people???

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, that wouldn't be so bad I guess."

OH MY GOD I WAS SOUNDING LIKE ONE OF THESE TRY HARDS

But somehow no one looked at me weird. Lily even smiled at me and nodded next to her towards an empty spot on the couch.

And on this side of the couch was next to it the chair Remus was sitting in, but that was obviously beside the point.

Amy sat down next to lily and I sat next to her.

"Sooooo…" James looked at me and Amy. "Why were you two coming down at this late hour?"

"Oh we just wanted a little bit of fresh air, you know?" Amy smiled as she said this lie. And we all ignored that in the common room wasn't even fresh air.

"Well we were just talking about our favorite foods!" Marlene started and looked at me mischievously.

"But didn't we just talk about Re-" James started but Marlene cut him off while looking at him with a look that could kill.

"What's your favorite food?" she looked at me expecting.

"My favorite food?" I blinked two times, somehow suprised that I was already asked something.

"Yeah, or maybe like favorite sweet or something you just really like to have as a snack."

"Well…" That wasn't a so easy question to be honest. But the first thing that came to mind,when I was sitting here… I even smelled it… "Chocolate. I really like Chocolate. Like chocolate cookies or cake."

I laughed. "I love chocolate since I first ate one of these chocolate frogs. Blew my mind."

Now everyone was looking at me like I said something really really mind blowing. Like chocolate was a extraordinary answer, what it really wasn't.

And even those brown eyes, which color reminded me of light chocolate, widened a bit as I looked at him after I said that.

I cleared my throat again. "Well, I dont eat only chocolate obviously. It's one of my favorite sweets, like who doesn't like chocolate?"

I looked around searching for a reason they were being so weird, but I only saw knowing smirks.

"Me." Amy said and smiled at me knowingly. I rolled my eyes.

"How could I forget, your highness?" I remarked at her and she laughed quietly.

"Well…" Marlene looked at me again and I just knew she was not finished with her Cross-examination. "Do you like Valentine's Day? I mean it is next week."

…

Oh. The conversation was going in this direction.

"It's.. I don't know, I mean… It's not bad, I guess?" I couldn't keep the nervous laughter inside of me.

"What do you mean with not bad?" Marlene really seemed like one of these Aurors trying to get information out of me.

"I mean I don't really know how it really feels like… Well no, that sounds dumb, that's not how I meant it! I mean I… Just never, like... had a date on Valentine's Day, so it's not really a special day for me."

Oh my god was I a rambling mess. Why was I even talking that much??? AMY SAVE MEE

"You never were taken out, on Valentine's Day?" James asked bluntly and Lily shot him a scolding look.

"Yeah, I guess." I mumbled.

This was going horribly. I was only making a fool out of me. After my embarrassing monolog I couldn't look into Remus direction, because this was almost humiliating.

I tried to subtly sink more into the couch and more into invisibility.

"I mean, of course we both spend time together in hogsmeade on Valentine's Day."

Amy slid into the conversation like the lord's savior himself. "Then we drink while looking at all these happy couples. And sometimes there is even Drama! It's very amusing."

"Would you like to-" Marlene started and I tensed. But then…

"Marlene stop it, you are making her uncomfortable."

Was Remus' voice always this beautiful? It was so soothing and still steady.

What was I even thinking?

Marlene looked at me now a bit embarrassed. "Sorry, I got a bit carried away. You can just say if I'm being to much."

"But then you could never say anything?" Sirius looked at her teasingly.

"Hey!"

I felt myself smiling now and I couldn't believe it. I was beginning to enjoy myself here. I was sitting next to the marauders and I was laughing. What has gotten into me?

"Well if we are talking about Valentine's Day, I find it very unpleasant." Lily stated while yawning.

"The overpriced chocolate with someone -" a glare shot at James. "Making always a big deal over a day on which we still have school."

"The so called 'big deal' is called being romantic." James looked at her with a hand on his chest. "But you wouldn't know anything about it, wouldn't you Evans?"

"Oh please, the stuff you do isn't romantic, just embarrassing." She shot back unimpressed.

James gasped loudly, while Sirius loudly laughed. And I couldn't help myself and chuckle.

And then I felt it.

His look.

I knew he was looking at me I could feel it. But it didn't bother me. No it just made my heartrate go up and I felt lightheaded.

Crazy, right?

It felt so cosy here, next to Remus the fire. The presence made it so warm here.

"Do you want a bit chocolate?"

I looked to my left and almost drowned in those eyes. WHAT WAS HAPPENING, WHY WAS I SO…??

"Me?" I dumbly asked. He looked down and I almost regretted.

"Well you did just say you liked it? And I have more than enough." He held chocolate towards me but still didn't meet my eyes again.

I softly took it while my mind was silent for the first time as I brushed his hands.

"Thank you."

He didn't react at first but then just nodded.

For someone who said he wanted to know me last night, he was really not so social now. But somehow that didn't bother me. It was a start.

"What's your favorite food?"

I was not a fast person. In fact I would always take things very slow. I mean in what reality are you dating someone after two conversations?

For me? Unthinkable.

He doesn't have to tell me if he likes Valentine's Day or not. He doesn't need to tell me what he likes in girls. Not in our second conversation.

But with food you can really start to know a person, you know?

That's what I searched. A start.

"Chocolate."

[pennyellee]

chapter IX - lacuna

LACRIMOSA | MYG MAFIA YANDERE AU

pairings: mafia leader!yoongi x f!reader

genre: mafia!au, yandere au, historical au

summary: Their interlocking gaze served as a butterfly effect on his heart, stirring it to the core. She, in turn, only dreams to find a way to escape. But perchance, over time she might forcefully learn to love the man who has taken so much from her.

Thus unfolds a twisted tale of love and loss, of hope and despair, of life and death. The music reverberated through the dimly-lit streets. Tears of sorrow, weeping symphony - reflects the hurt, the scars that linger deep within and the wounds that never healed. Lacrimosa.

warnings: minors dni 18+ | mafia au, dark!yoongi, mafia!yoongi, mentions of antidepressants, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, mentions of night terrors, mentions of self harm, manipulative behaviour, mentions of labotomy, medical cases, intimate life, diseases, “failed” pregnancy, alcohol, medication, etc.

beta read by @chaoticpuff17

word count: 8,7K

disclaimer: this story is purely fictional, it does not depict real-life events or involve any actual members of BTS. This story will contain depictions of violence, blood shed, death, mentions of abuse, smoking, alcohol drinking, illegal activities, old social norms and traditions, which we do not condone.

A/N: so yes, it took me a while to actually finish this chapter and as I mentioned - it’s shorter than what I usually want to write for lacrimosa. Truth to be told, this is what I can do for now till I get something better to write on. I don’t know when the next chapter will be written and up, so for now thank you for your patience, i actually didnt think i would write a chapter whilst im in US coz the only device on my person is my phone, but im very happy I managed to write something. This chapter is more of a prequel go what’s going to happen next. Many of you actually guessed/predicted some things right and for some you have to wait till the very end, we’re near it.

Massive thank you goes to @chaoticpuff17 who managed to beta read it despite both our situations being crazy rn, ily queen 🥹🫧🩵

Love you all, p.

m.list

lacuna (n.) a blank space, missing part

The night was relentless, a symphony of thunderclaps and the steady drum of rain against the cobblestones. The celebrations of the famous Kkangpae toned down, and after some months, several trips to the barren debris land of where Yakuza reigned, they returned safely to the sanctuary.

Back where she cannot hide from him in the stables, kitchen or sunroom, switching from one room to another just to not be in his presence for longer than she wanted. Yet, he managed to steal her away when his frustration boiled up enough. Y/N could’ve hinted how much she doesn’t want him to sleep next to her all she wants, he kept sneaking in and out every time. Yoongi was patient, determined even. Determined to make things right this time by giving her space. But the wrenching feeling of not having her close enough consumed him, night, day and moon.

Yoongi kept his promise, giving Y/N the space she needed while gradually attempting to rebuild the trust that had been shattered. He was careful with his words, patient in his actions, and ever attentive to her unspoken needs. The pair worked on their friendship these past weeks, he wanted himself to be her person. The person that she would love and lean on.

But the young Buin might seem calm now, from outside, but her wit remained under the surface. She buried herself deep within her psyche and doctor Kim could do very little to “repair” her. Not even renown specialists who came to give the young girl a helping hand did not succeed.

Yoongi watched her from a distance yet at the same time he was so close, his heart aching with the knowledge that he was partly to blame for her withdrawal. He had been too harsh, too controlling. Now, he was paying the price. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, to whisper apologies and promises into her ear. But every time he approached, he could see the fear and distrust in her eyes. It was a barrier he didn't know how to break.

Wang Xiaoqing’s wisdom was passed onto her, they whispered. But truth to be told, the elder woman, may she rest in peace, underestimated the new blood. The following legacy. Now, her kin suffers.

Yoongi wishes he never used the letter as leverage against her nor let her read it. At night he wonders whether that would change things. Whether by now she would be in love with him just as much he’s in love with her.

He sat down with the rest of his family at the dinner table after she broke down with yet another panic attack. The dining room was oppressively silent, the atmosphere thick with unspoken tension. It wasn’t even the end of January, and the snow was still prevailing outside. Yoongi sat at the head of the table, his expression a mask of stoic resolve, though his heart was anything but calm.

Y/N was conspicuously absent, her chair at the table glaringly empty. Yoongi's mind replayed the scene from earlier, the look of sheer panic in her eyes as she had crumbled under the weight of her emotions. He had wanted to reach out to her, to offer comfort, but he knew his presence would only worsen her distress.

Clearing his throat, Yoongi broke the silence, his voice strained but firm.

“I know you care about me. About this family—”

“I’ve made mistakes—mistakes that have pushed her to the edge.”

“No, Yoongi—” the right hand man straightened himself in his seat interrupting his leader.

Yoongi’s eyes flickered with a mixture of frustration and sorrow as he turned to face his right-hand man, Namjoon. The room held its breath, tension crackling in the air.

“Namjoon, please,” Yoongi said, his voice weary. “My wife slit her throat, stop justifying my actions.”

Namjoon hesitated but nodded, leaning back in his chair, his expression still troubled. Yoongi took a deep breath, steeling himself to continue.

"I pushed her too far, and now she's breaking—”

“Now, I don’t know what your intentions are with my wife, but I forbid you from whatever you are putting into her head.”

Namjoon's eyes widened in shock at Yoongi's words, his mouth opening and closing as if searching for the right response. The weight of Yoongi's accusation hung heavy in the air, and the room seemed to grow even quieter, the tension palpable.

Yoongi's jaw clenched, his frustration simmering beneath the surface. He had always trusted Namjoon implicitly, had relied on him as his closest confidant and advisor. But now, in the wake of Y/N's pain and suffering, he couldn't help but wonder if that trust had been misplaced.

“All of you.”

“Yoongi, I swear—” Namjoon began, his voice tinged with desperation. But Yoongi held up a hand, cutting him off.

“I don't want to hear it, Namjoon,” he said, his tone final.

“Whatever it is, I’m giving her the space to tell me herself.” Namjoon's gaze faltered under Yoongi's intense stare.

“I would never intentionally do anything to harm Y/N or come between you two. She's like family to me, too.” Yoongi's jaw clenched tighter, but he nodded curtly, acknowledging Namjoon's words.

“Seokjin.” He addressed the oldest man in the room.

“Yes, Yoongi?” Seokjin replied, his voice steady despite the gravity of the situation.

“She’s still taking those pills you gave her,” Seokjin's brow furrowed in concern at Yoongi's words. They were only a temporary solution before Seokjin decided that day to put her on barbiturates. She needs his help and if he cannot help her the way he knows it will be most effective, he’ll at least prescribe whatever will tone down her night terrors so she can sleep at nights.

"I'll talk to her," he said firmly. “But you know what would certainly help her—” Yoongi’s hand flew high to hit the table, making everybody twitch at the loud noise.

“No, Seokjin. No.” The family members exchanged solemn nods. Yoongi took a moment to compose himself, his chest heaving with pent-up frustration.

"She needs more support than we can provide on our own. We have to consider what's best for her.” Yoongi struggled to find the words to express his feelings. "I know, Seokjin," he replied, his voice thick with emotion. "But that is going way too far.”

Namjoon leaned forward, his expression earnest. The youngest at the end of the table cleared his throat. All eyes turned to him, waiting for his input. Jungkook hesitated for a moment, feeling the weight of the tension in the room, before speaking up.

“Maybe you just need to stop shielding her in. Let her live a life—” Jungkook's suggestion hung in the air, a fresh perspective on the situation that caused the family members to exchange thoughtful glances.

Yoongi's brow furrowed as he considered Jungkook's words, the idea of allowing Y/N more freedom conflicting with his instinct to protect her.

“But what if she runs for the hills, Kook.” Park Jimin’s voice echoed from across the room, his hands busy pouring the strong liquor to seven crystal glasses. Yoongi's gaze flickered towards Jimin, setting the first glass in front of him.

"I can't bear the thought of her running away from me again," Yoongi admitted, his voice heavy with emotion. Hoseok nodded in agreement, his expression sombre.

Jungkook nodded thoughtfully, understanding Yoongi's apprehension. "I get where you're coming from, hyung,—” Jimin set down the last glass of liquor, his expression sympathetic.

“I’d say, nonetheless, she needs something to occupy her mind other than those thoughts.” Said Jimin sitting down on his chair while nursing his own glass of the booze.

"Maybe if we can find something that brings her joy, something to distract her—” Seokjin nodded in agreement, his expression thoughtful.

“She studied, tasted her own freedom and now all she’s left with is being your wife.” Yoongi's heart clenched at Jimin's words, a pang of guilt washing over him. But still a large part of him was thinking why it is not enough.

“She can work with me once she’s better.” The doctor interjected. Yoongi's gaze shifted towards Seokjin, a flicker of hope igniting within him at the suggestion.

"You think she'd be up for it?" Yoongi asked, his voice tentative yet hopeful.

“Ah hyung you’re so in the dark—” Jungkook remarked. Jungkook sighed, his gaze meeting Yoongi's with empathy.

“She needs to feel like she has a say in her own life, like she's not just living for someone else.” Where this newfound wisdom arose, Yoongi did not know. But he was glad for the support of his family men.

Hoseok placed a reassuring hand on Yoongi's shoulder, his expression filled with empathy.

“She knows so much about herbs, remedies, I think she’ll be happy to help Seokjin.” Yoongi's heart swelled with gratitude for Hoseok's insight. He hadn't fully realised the extent of Y/N's knowledge and interests outside of their marriage and that needed to change.

“Don’t tell her just yet.” The right hand man remarked.

“Yes, I want to give her more time to recover before we come back to the sanctuary.” The other family members murmured their agreement, a sense of solidarity and understanding settling over them. After all, at the end of the day it is a happy wife, happy life.

—

But months later, Y/N understood that if there’s even a slight possibility that the scarred leader will grow for better, it would be a painfully long process. She realised so once he returned with his knuckles all bruised and bloodied one night. She tended to them, and he was basking under her touch. Despite everything, she couldn’t ignore the humanity in his pain.

Her eyes rolled and a loud sigh followed when she understood what was the cause of his lapse of senses. He had let his frustration and anger take over him, but rather than put it out on everyone else like he was known for, he silently left his office to vent his anger elsewhere. She guided him to sit down after she asked the maid to bring her everything she needed to clean his wounds.

Yoongi watched her, his eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and excitement under her delicate touch. The feel of her hands, so careful and tender, was both a comfort and a torment. The imagery masking all the darkness that loomed over them, they would fool even the Lord himself that this couple is one of love.

They sat in silence, the only sound the soft rustle of bandages and the distant rumble of thunder outside. Yoongi closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes to him. She avoided him less and less. So why did he have to let his steam off so suddenly?

“You know—” she began, focusing on his other hand now.

“You’re not really setting a good example of “communication is the key ”, now do you?”

Yoongi's eyes flickered open at her words, a hint of guilt flashing across his features before he quickly masked it with a neutral expression. He couldn't deny the truth in her statement, nor could he easily articulate the tangled mess of emotions that swirled within him.

His mind drifted back to the hushed whispers, the concerned looks from Seokjin. Y/N was still fairly weak in terms of her health. Yet, he hoped that maybe, just maybe, she’ll come to tell him he’s going to be a father. Foolish of him, he knows. Selfish of him, he knows that too.

“I’m sorry, Dove.” He only muttered, forcing a kiss to her sphenoid bone, it was the only affection she rarely allowed him to show. Y/N knew that if she wanted to persuade him that she isn’t a flying risk, she’ll have to allow him to do more. She progressed slowly, with patience and space to breathe everything out.

The reason the young leader needed to vent his anger was obvious to Y/N. She heard the maid that so blatantly spied on everything she did, what she asked for, and whom she talks to on the telephone. Y/N was cautious, yet today, she had to ask for some feminine goods. She understood where his hope for a baby came from, he got himself to believe that once the monthly bleeding did not come the first, second nor the third month.

The young gal, however, knew that this has nothing to do with the possibility of her being pregnant. She still drank the remedy, just to be sure, and for her peace of mind as it bore too many demons already. The fourth month her body decided it’s time to function again and of course the devoted maid reported that right back to her husband whose hope for a child vanished.

“I was hoping we could go see Ma and little Bo Cheng before the wedding, I promised to teach him how to ride a ho—” she began her request carefully. Y/N had managed to negotiate Daiyu’s extended vacation in America with her young son and Kai, yet she couldn’t shake the strong feeling that Yoongi had only allowed such a thing to happen because he felt indebted to her at the moment. Her state was far more delicate than he thought and he desperately wanted to make her happy. The one thing she wanted the most, he couldn’t grant. Freedom.

“Would that make you happy?” Yoongi interrupted. He sighed, his eyes drifting to the window where dark clouds gathered on the horizon.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, a small, hesitant smile tugged at Y/N’s lips. It was a fragile thing, easily shattered, but it was real. And in that moment, Yoongi vowed to himself that he would protect that smile, nurture it, and help it grow.

“Yes, it would. Maybe we could also pay a visit to Daiyu—” Y/N sucked her lips in and shyly smiled again. Yoongi nodded slowly. He sighed, leaning back in his chair, his fingers drumming against the armrests. The weight of their precarious situation pressed down on him, the knowledge that every decision could have far-reaching consequences hanging over them like a dark cloud.

“I’m not sure about that, sweetling,” he replied, his voice tinged with uncertainty. Her heart clenched, did he understand her intentions?

“You said you’ll give me the world, Yoongi. Why not this?” Y/N’s smile faltered, a flicker of disappointment crossing her features.

Yoongi’s gaze softened further, a mixture of regret and longing in his eyes. He reached out, taking her hand in his, his touch gentle and reassuring.

“I will consider this trip, but we have to be cautious now. War is looming on the horizon.” He explained, his tone serious.

“What do you mean war? You’ve just won one,” she challenged, her voice laced with disbelief.

“The world is a volatile place, Dove. Our battle was nothing in comparison to what is to come. The world will fight—” Yoongi’s expression darkened, the weight of their past victories suddenly overshadowed by the looming threat of conflict. Y/N’s heart sank at the mention of war, a cold knot forming in the pit of her stomach.

“Until we’re certain there’s no threat, I want us to remain in Korea, my love.” he declared, his final words.

Y/N’s heart sank at his words, but she forced herself to nod, understanding the gravity of their situation. The war threatened to consume them all, and they had to tread carefully if they were to survive. Y/N nodded slowly to his words.

“She wrote to you this morning, didn’t she?” Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling that she’s running out of time. If they were caught up in the chaos, she feared she may never leave this place. And with Yoongi’s resolve to remain in Korea, their window of opportunity grew smaller with each passing moment. It was worth the shot, he wouldn’t let her slip that easily if there’s an actual threat that the world’s will battle.

“She met someone,” Y/N added softly, her voice tinged with uncertainty of how Yoongi will react. He, however, already knew. There was nothing that would go past him or so he thought.

"She met someone?" he repeated, his voice tinged with false scepticism. Y/N's heart ached at the doubt in Yoongi's voice, but she held firm in her conviction.

“She’s a widow with a child, who—”

“Happy widow with a child—” she inserted herself into his remark. "She deserves it, Yoongi. After everything she's been through, she deserves a chance at love and happiness.”

“Daiyu is no longer tied to the syndicate. You promised not to meddle with her affairs unless she needs help.” She reminded him less gently, her voice tinged with a hint of caution.

“I intend to keep that promise.” Lie. He already knew the man who so openly started to court her. A sense of relief washed over Y/N as she watched Yoongi's resistance soften, even if it was pretended.

“The rain won’t stop pouring—” Y/N’s voice trailed off, a sombre note creeping into her tone as she glanced out the window at the stormy sky.

“How do you feel today?” Yoongi observed Y/N for a moment, his expression softening as he took in her weary demeanour.

“Better than yesterday.” She replied, her voice carrying a hint of resilience. Yoongi nodded, a sense of relief washing over him at her response. Despite the challenges they faced, he was grateful for every moment of peace they could find amidst the storm.

He noticed the subtle signs of improvement in her appearance. Her cheeks, once sunken and lifeless, now held a hint of colour, and the dark circles under her eyes seemed less pronounced. Her eyes sparkled differently, not with tears as of late. Whatever Seokjin is doing to help her, it is working.

“Have you slept well?” he inquired gently, his voice filled with genuine concern. From Monday to Friday, storms reigned over the hidden valley. Yoongi reached out, gently brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face, his touch tender and reassuring. Her dark hair grew enough to reach past her shoulders since the unfortunate event back in October.

“It wasn't the best, but it was better than before.” Yoongi nodded in understanding, his gaze lingering on her with a mixture of admiration and concern. He knew that even the smallest victories, like a few hours of sleep, were worth celebrating in their tumultuous world. After all the night terrors she endured for months.

“How’s working with Seokjin?” He knew how demanding their roles could be, especially in the midst of ongoing turmoil. Yoongi expected her to sigh just as softly as she always does, her expression to reflect the weight of responsibility, but none of that happened. Y/N smiled at him brightly instead.

Y/N's smile was like a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds, momentarily dispelling the shadows that lingered around them.

“Work has been great. I've been able to help so many people—” she replied, her voice infused with a sense of optimism that Yoongi hadn't heard in a while. As she spoke, Y/N’s eyes lit up with enthusiasm, a stark contrast to the weariness that had plagued her in recent months.

“Did you know that punk, Jungkook, pretends to be sick every other day just to swing by?” Y/N’s voice was filled with amusement as she recounted the antics of the youngest of the seven. Though older than her, she did not feel any age difference between them two.

Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle at the mention of Jungkook's antics.

"That sounds like him," he remarked, a fond smile playing at his lips. She continued, her words flowing freely as she recounted her experiences while working with Seokjin at the clinic.

“Seokjin has been a wonderful mentor,” she continued, her eyes shining with gratitude. “He’s taught me so much more than we actually studied at school—” Yoongi nodded in agreement, a sense of pride swelling within him as he listened to Y/N's tales of their work at the clinic.

“I remember this one young man who had sustained severe burns on his arms. The sight of his injuries was heart-breaking, but I could see the determination in his eyes to overcome the pain.” Y/N’s voice softened with emotion as she recalled the moment.

"We worked tirelessly to stabilise him, and when he finally regained consciousness, the look of gratitude in his eyes made all the long hours and hard work worth it. It was a reminder of why I wanted to be a nurse in the first place—to make a difference in people’s lives, no matter how small.”

Yoongi listened intently, his heart swelling with a mixture of emotions. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret for not allowing her to pursue her passion for nursing earlier.

He may not be able to undo the past, but he could certainly make sure that she had all the support she needed to thrive in the future. The youngest was right. She needed this, she needed to regain her purpose in her life. To be someone for herself.

He realised how much he had underestimated her need for work, how vital it was for her to have a sense of purpose and fulfilment. There was still hope and goodness.

Yoongi listened to all the stories she had to say as for the first time since forever, there were no tears, no screams, no tension in the air. Just the calm, steady rhythm of their shared breaths.

“You know,” Yoongi began, his voice soft, "I'm proud of you. Proud of everything you've accomplished and the progress you’re making. I should have let you do this sooner.”

“Can’t change the past now can we?” He nodded to her remark solemnly, squeezing her hand.

“Tell me more,—” he urged, eager to hear more about her work, her passion. He wanted to be part of her world just like she is part of his, to support her in every way possible.

Y/N smiled, her face glowing with happiness. “Well, there’s this little girl named Jang-mi. She’s been coming in for treatment regularly, and despite everything, she's always so cheerful—”

—

Y/N pulled her coat tighter around her, feeling the icy water seep through the fabric. Her breath came in shallow gasps, mixing with the cold air to form small clouds that dissipated as quickly as they appeared. She huddled beneath the overhang of a small alley, her body shivering uncontrollably. The once comforting weight of her coat now felt like a burden, soaked and heavy.

Her mind raced, a chaotic swirl of fear and desperation. The past few days had been a whirlwind of terror and confusion. She had trusted the wrong people, made alliances that crumbled under the weight of deceit. Every step she took seemed to lead her deeper into a labyrinth of danger and uncertainty. She couldn’t afford another mistake; the stakes were too high. The sound of her own heartbeat was loud in her ears, a constant reminder of the life-or-death game she was playing.

A sudden flash of lightning split the sky, casting stark shadows and illuminating the alley in a harsh, white light. For a brief moment, everything was clear and sharp, every detail etched into her memory. That’s when she saw him.

At the mouth of the alley is where he stood , his figure backlit by the brilliant light. He was drenched, his hair plastered to his forehead, but he seemed unfazed by the torrential rain. His presence was as menacing as ever, a dark silhouette against the night. His eyes, however, were what held her captive. They were dark, deep pools of unreadable emotion, reflecting the storm’s fury.

Yoongi didn’t move, didn’t speak. He simply watched her, his gaze intense and unwavering. It was a look she had seen before, one that sent chills down her spine. It was the look of a predator sizing up its prey. She knew then, with a sickening certainty, that no matter how far she ran, he would always be one step ahead.

Panic surged through her, threatening to overwhelm her senses. She pressed herself against the wall, the rough brick scraping her skin through the thin material of her coat. She needed to think, to find a way out, but her mind was a blur of fear and fatigue. The rain continued to pour, the cold seeping into her bones, making her limbs feel heavy and uncooperative.

Yoongi took a step forward, the movement slow and deliberate. His boots splashed in the puddles, the sound muffled by the storm. Y/N’s heart pounded in her chest, a wild, frantic rhythm. She felt like a trapped animal, cornered with no way out. The alley was a dead end, and Yoongi was blocking her only escape route.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice low and smooth, cutting through the noise of the storm. “You can’t keep running.”

His words were a cold, hard truth that she didn’t want to accept. But she had no choice. Every attempt to escape had led her right back to him, like a cruel game of cat and mouse. She swallowed hard, her throat dry despite the rain. She had to keep fighting, had to find a way to break free from his grip.

“I won’t let you control me,” she said, her voice shaking but determined. “I’ll find a way out.”

Yoongi’s expression didn’t change, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes—amusement, perhaps, or admiration for her defiance. “You’re stronger than I thought,” he said, taking another step closer. “But strength alone won’t save you.”

He was close now, close enough that she could see the droplets of rain clinging to his eyelashes, the way his clothes clung to his body. His presence was overwhelming, a dark force that seemed to consume all the light around him. She knew she had to act, had to do something before it was too late.

Summoning every ounce of courage, Y/N pushed off the wall and lunged towards him, hoping to catch him off guard. But Yoongi was ready. His hand shot out, grabbing her wrist with a grip like iron. She struggled, twisting and pulling, but he was too strong.

“Let me fucking go!” she cried, her voice breaking with desperation.

Yoongi pulled her closer, his other hand coming up to cup her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “You’re mine, Y/N,” he said softly, his breath warm against her skin. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Even if it means protecting you from yourself.”

Tears mingled with the rain on her cheeks as she realised the futility of her struggle. Yoongi’s words were a chilling promise, one that she knew he would keep. She was trapped, caught in a web of his making, with no way out.

The storm raged on around them, but in that moment, all Y/N could feel was the cold, unyielding grip of the man she used to fear, and the inescapable reality of her situation.

Y/N woke with a start, her breath coming in ragged gasps as the remnants of the nightmare clung to her mind. Her body was drenched in cold sweat, and her heart pounded wildly in her chest. For a moment, she couldn’t discern reality from the dream, the vivid images of the rain-soaked alley and Yoongi’s menacing presence still haunting her.

It was a memory that was hidden in the back of her mind to resurface when she’s the most vulnerable. It had happened a few times already, her mind showing her each time she attempted to escape the scarred leader.

She took a deep breath and listened to the mix of crackling fireplace and raindrops outside. His eyes were on her petite physique, his hands holding a book he was reading while she took a well deserved afternoon nap. He put down his reading glasses and ran a hand through his hair, closing the book and turning her attention to her.

“Which one was it this time?”

She turned to see him sitting beside her, his eyes filled with worry. The contrast between the Yoongi in her nightmare and the one before her now was stark. Gone was the cold, calculating predator; in his place was a man who genuinely cared for her well-being. He did change a little. Or maybe he was like that before but his selfishness didn’t allow him to show her his bright side.

Her legs moved to his lap when she was asleep, and he gently rubbed circles into her ankles, his touch soothing for once.

“Will you keep me safe?”

Yoongi's expression softened further, his gaze unwavering as he looked into her eyes. He knows that there were moments that haunt her till now. Moments he let happen with his cockiness.

“Always,” he replied, his voice steady and filled with conviction. “I’ll keep you safe, no matter what.”

“I just... I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” she admitted, her voice breaking slightly.

“Just rest, Dove,” Yoongi murmured, his voice a soothing balm to her frayed nerves. “I’ll be right here.”

After a few silent minutes, Y/N broke the calm silence.

“Can we play the piano?”

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Together, they moved to the old piano in the corner of the room. As they sat side by side, their fingers tentatively began to touch the keys. Each note was a delicate thread, weaving together a tapestry of their unspoken emotions. The music became their secret language, a way to say everything they couldn’t put into words.

Every time she did not feel like speaking herself, they played. Until she felt better. Yoongi played with a gentle intensity, his fingers dancing over the keys with practised ease.

He was a better player, so she thought. Afterall, he had had more life to practice.

The medication made her more open to him. Sooner or later she’ll have to get off of it before it will become her only source of happiness. There were days it made her sleep well, drink, eat, breathe and live like the person she used to be. And there were days she sat in front of her vanity mirror knowing this effect is only temporary.

She cannot afford to get off of them while she’s remaining by his side. Her being would not take it and the prospect of freedom would be scarce. It blunted negative emotions which worked in the scarred boy’s favour.

It was working, but it was a question of time when she’ll develop tolerance and they won’t work anymore. That’s why Seokjin is desperately trying to convince Yoongi that he’ll have a way to help her. Permanently.

Yoongi knows that it would be just another mistake he would have to write under his name.

“I’ll always keep you safe,” he whispered again, his words a promise and a plea. And in the quiet aftermath of their duet, she almost believed him.

In that fleeting moment, she wasn’t running, and Yoongi wasn’t chasing. They were simply two souls, lost in the music, trying to find their way back to each other. One more than the other.

His hand moved to cover hers on the keys, their eyes meeting in the stillness that followed. The world outside ceased to exist, the rain and the fire a distant backdrop to the intensity of their shared gaze.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Yoongi leaned in, his breath mingling with hers. Her heart raced, not with fear, but with a different kind of anticipation.

Their faces were inches apart, the unspoken words hanging in the air between them. His eyes flickered to her lips, then back to her eyes, seeking permission, seeking assurance. Y/N’s breath hitched, her mind a whirlwind of emotions.

“Unnie?!” Xiaoli's voice rang out, bright and oblivious. “We need to talk about—”

“Can you keep me safe from my own sister?” She scoffed playfully. His chuckle bounced on her lips as his lips still hovered just a breath away from hers, the paper door swung open with a sudden, sharp creak.

Taehyung stepped in behind her, his eyes widening as he took in the scene. "Oh. We’re... interrupting, aren’t we?”

Yoongi pulled back slightly, his expression darkening as he turned to face them. Y/N felt the moment slipping away, the fragile connection disrupted.

“What is it?” Yoongi asked, his voice strained with barely concealed irritation.

“You invited us to have dinner, Hyung.” Taehyung reminded him, his tone a mix of apology and amusement.

Xiaoli’s eyes darted between Yoongi and Y/N, realisation dawning on her face. “Oh... we’re really sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in, Kkangpae Min.”

She apologised, still not her but always to him and him only. Y/N forced herself to smile. The woman that her sister became is not the same one she grew up with.

“There was nothing to interrupt, don’t worry,” she waved it off and Yoongi sighed, the tension in his shoulders evident.

—

The fleeting moment of intimacy with Y/N hung heavily in his mind. Before, during and after the dinner. He was extravagantly close to feel her lips on his again, just for the moment to be swept away.

Dinner was a mix of awkward silences and forced conversation. Xiaoli and Taehyung tried to lighten the mood, but the air was thick with unspoken words.

Yoongi, for his part, seemed distant, his mind clearly elsewhere. Every so often, his gaze would meet hers across the table.

“Will you come next week?” Xiaoli asked, sipping her wine.

Y/N, momentarily distracted from her thoughts, looked up.

“Next week?”

Y/N glanced at Yoongi, who was already looking at her. She hesitated, unsure of committing to anything he did not allow earlier.

“Yes, Y/N promised Bo Cheng to teach him how to ride a horse, and I have some business to attend to.” Yoongi cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

“I could teach him,” Said Xiaoli, a bit jealous that their brother wanted Y/N to teach him when she was right there in the hotel.

Once Xiaoli and Taehyung will be with each other for eternity, the family of three then, will take their leave back to China.

The Triad leader attended his own business trips while his wife and children stayed with the “allying” clan.

He doesn’t know. None of them knows what Y/N did to herself, apart from Xiaoli, who herself doesn’t know every detail. They spreaded white lies to cover this “lapse of senses”. A misstep. Y/N hides the fading scar carefully to avoid any explanation. She wished to not tell them, and the kkangpae did not object to her wishes anymore. Whatever she wants, she gets. Usually, most of the time if she’s reasonable and clever about it.

The past months painstakingly helped them to get better. Or so Yoongi thought. Her priority was never to be his good wife, her priority is him thinking she will be his good obedient loving wife and when he won’t expect her to seek freedom anymore — she’ll disappear.

“I don't know about that, honey. You remember that nasty fall you took last year?” Her husband-to-be said nonchalantly. Y/N furrowed her brows in confusion.

“Fall?—“ she asked, doubting his words.

“What are you talking about?” Xiaoli herself was surprised at his words. She did not recall any falls. Y/N knew Xiaoli isn’t the best rider, but she was decent enough to hold any situation that would make her fall from the horse under control.

“I don’t remember that,—” she said, taking another long sip from her glass.

“You’d certainly remember falling from a horse. Why don’t I know about this, Yoongi?” Said Y/N turning herself to the quiet man.

“I was having a hard time keeping you here as you loved to go for a run back then. It must have slipped my mind—“

“My sister falling from a horse slipped your mind?”

“He did not know Y/N, until a lot later. Right, Hyung?” Taehyung smiled sweetly at her, defending his Kkangpae. As always. Y/N clicked her tongue and gifted Yoongi with a penetrating stare creating another layer of tension in the room.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He cleared his throat, attempting to gather his thoughts. The last thing he wants is to mess up their relationship again.

“You’re right, love. I should have told you once I got to know that,” Yoongi admitting guilt is a new trait he acquired these past months.

“How did she fall?” Y/N aimed her question at Taehyung as her sister clearly doesn't remember it.

“It wasn’t probably that bad if I don’t remember it, Unnie. Don’t worry about it anymore—“ the younger female answered before her fiance had the chance to do so.

Y/N sighed loudly but the hand under the table that was gripping her younger sister’s thigh was not seen by her eyes.

—

It was hard to keep focus, especially with Seokjin constantly needing her assistance at work. His stern demeanour and meticulous nature kept her on her toes, but she appreciated the distraction. She knew why she was at his beck and call. Yoongi demanded so. Under any circumstances she ought to be next to Seokjin.

The ambulance in the sanctuary was significantly smaller than the big sanitorium in the town, but there was still some work to do here too.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and studying her intently.

“The usual,” she murmured, filling today’s report. Seokjin watched her for a moment, then brought the courage to ask.

“Have you been intimate?” Y/N dropped the pen at once and with wide eyes. She stared at him. The question came out of nowhere nor was it called for.

“Wh-what do you mean intimate?”

“Exactly what I said,” he replied calmly, not breaking eye contact.

“Have you been intimate with Yoongi again?”

“I don’t see how this is your business, Seokjin.” She felt her face flush with heat, a mix of embarrassment and anger.

“I’m not trying to pry. I’m your friend, but I’m also your doctor, sweetling—,” he said softly.

“Your health and well-being are my concern,” Seokjin explained. “And you know that if something’s affecting you emotionally or physically, it could impact your health.”

Bullcrap, he is in fact prying.

She was silent for a minute, trying to comprehend how he is taking care of her being this late. If she wouldn’t attempt to kill herself, these concerns wouldn’t be as great. But Y/N cannot afford to break havoc. She can’t go on rampage as she wants every single person here to think that she is moving towards being a good obedient wife of the Kkangpae. Even though she wants to scream to each and one of their faces about how much they failed her. How much they hurt her. Yet, patience is the key. Breathe, sleep, eat, endure.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, then decided to change the topic.

“What about your wife?” Seokjin’s eyes flickered with surprise before he masked it with a neutral expression. Y/N barely knew the woman. Matter of fact she has seen her maybe three times since the wedding.

“Very much pregnant,” he said, his voice a mix of pride and weariness.

“Oh,” Y/N replied, taken aback. “I didn’t know. Congratulations, I guess.” Here comes another thing that Yoongi managed to keep from her.

“Thank you, my dear,” Seokjin said, a small smile touching his lips. “It’s been… an interesting journey, to say the least.”

“I can imagine,—” Y/N said, sensing there was more beneath the surface.

“Can you imagine yourself on that journey?” Seokjin interrupted, his gaze searching her face.

She pretended that the question took her by surprise, looking down at her hands to not give herself away.

“I don’t know,” she admitted softly. He is testing her. “It’s hard to think about that kind of future with everything that’s going on.”

Seokjin nodded, his expression thoughtful. “It’s understandable. But it’s something to consider. Maybe a baby would help you to shush your demons away.”

Y/N’s heart raced at the suggestion, and she forced herself to maintain her composure. “I… I don’t think a baby is the answer, Seokjin. There’s so much I need to sort out first.”

“Sometimes, having something to focus on, something to live for, can make all the difference,” Seokjin said gently.

She nodded, still feeling uneasy about the direction of the conversation. Opting not to give more than she would want to by not answering his remark and going back to finish the report.

“Just know that you have options. And that you don’t have to go through any of this alone.”

“Thanks,” she replied, offering a small smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Of course she won’t.

—

Y/N entered the dimly lit room where Yoongi was sitting, his face illuminated by the soft glow of a lamp. He looked up as she closed the door behind her, his expression softened once he looked up from the papers. The office in the sanctuary remained the same apart from the fact that now the young Kkangpae occupies it far more often than before.

He took his glasses off and pushed himself away from the desk creating a space for her to come and stand in front of him, leaning against the massive wooden desk. Her hands felt the warmth of the wood that had been heated by the lamp, reflecting the same heat that radiated between them.

“Did you ask Seokjin to put thoughts into my head?” she asked, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside her.

Yoongi sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t ask him to, but I knew he would at some point try to give you some wisdom. What did he say?”

“That a baby would be the right treatment for me,” she replied, her voice tight with frustration.

Yoongi’s eyes widened slightly, then he closed them and exhaled deeply.

“I’m sorry, Dove—“

“Do you think that too?” she asked, searching his face. “That a baby would magically fix everything?”

Yoongi shook his head, stepping up from his chair and closer to her. “No, I don’t. A baby isn’t a solution to our problems—“ she didn’t believe one word that was coming out of this mouth. He wouldn’t break his knuckles this hard if he didn’t want the baby that Y/N took care of not happening anytime soon. Her system was full of herbal remedies. And now that she knows, the herbs flowing in her system are working, she can use that to her advantage.

“But that would make you happy right?” She countered, seeing through him. Softening her mimics to appeal to him.

“Well, yeah, I want a family with you someday—“

“Someday? The bandages on your knuckles says that you’re pretty eager to have it now—” she scoffed and murmured under her nose.

Yoongi’s eyes for once reflected something she couldn’t quite recognise. There was a mix of desperation and longing that flickered there. His hand reached out, trembling slightly, and cupped her cheek gently.

“Dove, I want us to be happy, truly happy. But I know bringing a child into this world won’t erase your pain or solve our problems. We need to fix ourselves first—” His thumb brushed her cheek tenderly.

“I’m sorry for being selfish, my love,” she felt a tear escape her eye, rolling down to where his thumb could catch it. She closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into his touch because that’s what always softens his edges.

After months, she has learnt what strings to pull to make him move just the way she wants to. Yet, Y/N knows that he isn’t that stupid to believe she suddenly wants to live with him happily ever after.

“I can pour us some wine. We can play the piano after dinner, hm?” He could feel her vulnerability, her heart laid bare before him. Or so he thought as she wanted him to think that. His hand continued to caress her cheek softly, his touch gentle yet laden with unspoken longing she sensed each time he attempted to get closer to her.

She nodded, a small pretentious smile playing on her lips as she stepped closer to him. The tension between them lingered.

He pulled her closer, his lips brushing against her forehead. “We will be good. We just need time with each other.”

He sat first, patting the space beside him, inviting her to join. Her fingers brushed the keys, eliciting a soft, mournful note. A melody that echoed in her mind far too often. An anthem for hurting. Weeping symphony, tears of sorrow.

He became far too respectful towards her boundaries which essentially was ruining all of her plans. Her fingers pressed the keys with delicate touch even when she wanted to smash them rock hard.

“Why this song?” She let the question hang in the air for a moment, her fingers poised above the keys as if weighing his words.

“Do you know what they interpret it as?” She finally said, her voice soft, barely audible above the lingering notes. Her eyes, once masked with a facade of calm, now revealed a flicker of the anguish she carried.

“Tell me,” he flipped the page of the notes book for her to continue the song.

“It’s a tale of unspoken grief, of wounds too deep to heal and shadows that never leave.”

He felt a shiver run down his spine as she said that. Part of him understood what message she was trying to leave and part of him wished he’s wrong.

“I view it as love lost and dreams shattered. They say it’s a lament for those who wander through life carrying burdens no one else can see.”

He carefully listened to all her words, all the notes she played, all her feelings she shared. Her fingers moved over the keys, each note a whisper of sorrow.

“The scars I carry inside,—“ His hand reached out to touch hers, a gesture of comfort. Stopping her from playing more.

“Let me help you carry that weight—“

“You created it in the first place.”

His eyes widened, a mixture of guilt and realisation flooding his expression. She pulled her hand away.

“The scars I carry, the emptiness I feel, they all trace back to you.”

His mind raced to comprehend the depth of her pain, trying to understand her intentions. It’s not like he ever expected her to say it out loud.

“You created emptiness in me Yoongi—“

He felt his heart clench with guilt and regret. “I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice cracking. It was nothing new. She heard his apologies but she was yet to accept them

She turned back to the piano, her fingers resting on the keys but not playing. “Intentions don’t change the past,” she said softly. “The pain remains—“

“But the future can learn from mistakes.”

“I will. I’ll learn—“ He began before she interrupted him.

“You need to fill the space now.” His eyes lit up listening to her words. In his mind, this was it. The holy grail. In her mind, she was wrapping him around her finger before she would bounce away like a pebble on the pond.

“Heal me if you must.”

These were her last words before the distance between them shrank, the intensity of their emotions drawing them closer. He leaned in, his heart pounding in his chest that she could almost hear it but Y/N didn’t pull away.

Their lips met in a soft, tentative kiss, a delicate brush that spoke of apology, of yearning, and of promises yet to be fulfilled. Her heart cried and the song remained echoing in her mind.

As they pulled back slightly, their foreheads resting against each other, Yoongi felt a warmth spread through him, chasing away the cold shadows of regret. She looked at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. His thoughts were swirling with one thing only — this was the real beginning of them. And it was the beginning.

The beginning of the end.

I N T E R L O G U E

The walls were lined with bookshelves, each shelf overflowing with dusty tomes and old papers. A large, ornate desk stood in the centre, its surface cluttered with stacks of documents.

Seokjin rarely sends her to this room as they also rarely stay in the hanok the sanctuary has for medical assistance to those who live here.

She approached slowly, her fingers brushing over the worn leather of a chair before settling on a stack of yellowed files that he asked to bring. It was then when her eyes caught the opened crimson red files that laid flat open on the desk. The ones that the doctor forgot to take with him the other time he had to run and tend to the lady of the house in the middle of the night. They stayed there, laid open, for several weeks. Touched by a thin layer of dust on top of it.

Kim Seokjin is renowned in his field of practice. Yet, this was going to be his great mistake. Inside, there were detailed medical records, notes written in a precise, almost mechanical hand. The words on the pages made her stomach churn—phrases like “prefrontal lobotomy,” “behavioural correction,” and “psychosurgical intervention” leapt out at her. She read on, horrified by the cold, clinical descriptions of procedures that seemed more like torture than treatment.

Her hand flew to her mouth to not let the wailing cry away.

Trembling, she pushed the file aside and reached for the next one. Not bearing what they’ve done to her sister. Y/N’s hands shook as she read through the files, each word a dagger to her heart. The clinical detachment with which the procedures were described made her feel sick. These were not just medical records—they were accounts of inhuman experiments carried out in the name of science, or more so — control.

The name on this file was all too familiar, it was Jin’s wife. He must have done it before the wedding as she seemed far too calm. Her heart pounded in her chest as she opened it, fearing what she might find. The contents were similar—detailed accounts of medical procedures, records of a lobotomy performed in a desperate attempt to “cure” her of what the notes described as “hysteria” and “unmanageable behaviour.”

Y/N felt a wave of nausea wash over her. She stumbled back from the desk, her mind reeling from the revelations. The room seemed to close in around her, the shadows deepening as the weight of what she had discovered settled on her shoulders.

The name on the empty file under those made her anxious, hysteric even more as the tag had Min Y/N written on it.

She wiped her tears but they couldn't stop falling.

“Y/N?”

.

.

.

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[shootingmorningstar]

Was inspired by bambygourl’s fanart and a TikTok I saw. Dressing up as Roger and Jessica Rabbit for a costume party with Lucifer. I think he’d be all pouty and grumpy about dressing up as such a silly character and not a suave charming character. Especially since he’d take a look at the white button up, red trousers with suspenders, and blue bow tie with yellow polka-dots and see it as a fashion nightmare XD. And don’t get him started on the bunny ears and tail. Tho his mood is sufficiently uplifted when he sees the reader dressed up as Jessica Rabbit. Low cut red dress with a slit and all. Just imagine pulling on his suspenders or bow tie for a kiss, getting lipstick on his mouth and face, and cooing over how adorable and handsome her honey-bunny is.

I've been meaning to get to this request ever since I saw it because it is just so good. I'm definitely biased for anything Lucifer related but god this is just so cute. Anon, your brain is outstanding. I love pouty Lucifer. If you still have that tiktok on hand or ever come across it again, do you think you could send it my way .ᐣ

You didn't include what kind of request you wanted though, and my default is HCs -- but I couldn't help but throw in a little drabble based on them, too. Or, at least I intended it to be a drabble .ᐣ It got away from me, haha.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀Lucifer and Female Reader Dressing

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Up As Roger and Jessica Rabbit ~

Lucifer is initially thrilled when you bring up wanting to attend a famous yearly costume party in Pride with him. A chance to show you off sounds amazing, and he's great with costumes. Just the thought of you two matching is enough to get him excited.

You seemed just as excited as he was -- in fact, he was even more excited when you told him you'd already had something in mind .ᐟ He's pestering you to tell him just what the costumes were as soon as the plan leaves your lips, but much to his displeasure, you refuse, saying you want to keep it a surprise.

You'd even managed to resist the very strongest puppy-dog eyes and pout. Impressive. He usually succeeds in getting his way with that one -- who could ever say no to that face .ᐣ Having exhausted his options, he sighs his defeat.

Well, nearly exhausted his options. He was entirely too ready to pretend that you'd won and snoop through your closet the second you walked away. Apparently his quick glance at said closet had given him away though, and with a quick deadpan stare alongside a scary sounding ❛ don't you dare. ❜ has his feet rooted to the floor.

Did his poker face really suck so bad .ᐣ He's definitely practicing it in the mirror later.

Ultimately, though, he trusts you completely and your choice in matching outfits is no exception, so he allows it to drop for now. There's still a few more days until the party, but that time could be spent much more productively by your side rather than whining about clothing.

That is, until the day of the party comes around and you bring out his outfit. You'd never seen Lucifer's jaw drop quite like that before and it takes iron will to stop yourself from giggling at his present state.

He doesn't understand the reference. Lucifer regrets his past decision to give humanity free will. It's obvious, even if he never seems to say it outright. He had given out such a precious gift and so much of humanity chose to abuse it, to be nothing but cruel. Looking at sinners and by extension humanity is just a terrible reminder of what he'd done, so he prefers to avoid it whenever possible. This quite often includes the media of the living realm -- he's never even heard about the movie, forget seeing it.

So without the full context, all he knows is that you've just handed him an absolutely atrocious outfit -- and to make it worse, you expect him to go out in it .ᐣ Seriously, he whinges, red overalls with a blue bow .ᐣ Rabbit ears .ᐣ And to make it worse, you won't even show him your outfit until he gets dressed .ᐟ He can't believe you're laughing.

He sounds completely and totally ridiculous, in your defense. Seriously, has he seen his regular outfit .ᐣ He looks absolutely stunning, sure -- but he also looks like he walked right out of a circus.

It says a lot, though, that despite the complete and total pity party he's currently throwing himself, he's beginning to shuffle into the costume anyway. He's grumbling the whole way, but the fact that he just doesn't have it in him to say no to you warms your heart.

You had been so, so eager about this party, and the way your eyes had shined like stars when you told him had long since burned itself into his heart.

wc ; 1.2k

His seemingly endless complaints had tapered off ever so slightly when you shimmied his grasp off of the ruby red suspenders sagging unbuttoned over his chest. By the time you take the fabric into your own hands his protests faded to little more than a mumble under his breath, and with the very first snap of a button in place under your gentle touch he'd quieted completely. Where a look of exasperation had reflected off his face seconds prior, in its place now is that of silent awe, his gaze trained on your every action. The gesture of intimacy is enough to leave Lucifer somewhat choked up, his heart still not used to receiving such acts of adoration and kindness. You tie the cornflower blue fabric adorned with tiny yellow spots into a bow to accentuate the costume and cover his hands briefly with your own as you slip the gloves onto his fingers.

Not twenty minutes had passed, and he finds his attitude regarding the ensemble shifting with every second you take to assist him into it. Each and every part of it looks ridiculous at best, but the thought of you picking it out solely for him has him warming up to the idea.

Declaring your work complete, you raise your grasp ever so slightly, palms holding each of his cheeks close, your thumbs rubbing soft little circles below his eyes. Your affections are sufficient only when finished with a kiss placed on his forehead. ❛ I'm going to go get dressed, okay .ᐣ No peeking. I promise I'll be right back. ❜

The way his wrists on instinct dart out to catch yours to bring you close to him again as you pull back nearly got you. He's extended his lips in a pout once more. You hate to leave him quite so sad looking but you know he'll appreciate what you have planned enough for it to be worth it.

Bathroom door shutting closed behind you, there's the smallest bit of lingering regret that he can't help you to get dressed like you had for him. The outfit itself takes you barely a few moments to slip into -- it's the makeup that requires precision, time and effort. His pacing around the bedroom is audible, impatient steps sounding into stomps, the sounds causing you to choke on a laugh. You need a steady hand for your eyeshadow and that's hard to maintain during an act quite as cute as this.

Nonetheless, your look is finished within half an hour and therefore Lucifer is put out of his misery. It's not a second after the door clicks open that his attention is caught, snapped to the light peaking out of the doorway. Stepping into the small hallway, your eyes are met with his own -- and the way his pupils widen as soon as he gets a glance of your dress makes both your efforts and his complaining worthwhile. His gaze takes you in from top to bottom, each detail enchanting him further. The dress so perfectly hugging your curves is crimson to match him and absolutely breathtaking -- and are you walking towards him .ᐣ Your strut does well to accentuate the slit stitched into the leg, your thigh tantalizing in its display.

Finally reclaiming your place beside him, one of your fingers reaches out, finding purchase under his chin -- and when you tilt his head up you swear you saw his eyes flash red. ❛ Hello, my darling husband, ❜ you coo, sending his already overloaded brain into a frenzy. Husband . . .ᐣ You wanted . . .ᐣ With him, really . . .ᐣ And although he's beginning to put the pieces together and clue in that such a term of endearment was part of your match, you seemed so happy to say it. He snaps his focus back onto just how stunning you look tonight, but the idea has firmly implanted itself into the depths of his mind.

Back into the present time, his hands have begun to roam -- he wants to commit every detail of you to memory, and that includes the feeling of your dresses fabric under his fingertips. His grasp is met with your own, for it's not long before you're pulling the straps of his suspenders, tugging him forward into a kiss. By the time he's recovered from his surprise enough to reciprocate, though, you're already beginning to pull away. He chases your lips with a whine but you've already moved on, pressing a kiss first to his cheek and then to his forehead. It's only when you offer him a small compact mirror does he understand -- each of your kisses has left behind a little bit of the lipstick you oh so painstakingly applied. Your marks on his face have left him entranced, desperately craving more.

A gasp rips itself from those same cherry red lips in surprise -- you weren't expecting him to summon forth his tail, much less wrap it around your midsection and use it to bring you closer. ❛ Kiss me again, ❜ He pleads, desperate and breathy. ❛ Anything for my honey bunny, ❜ you chime, matching the mark on his left cheek with one on the right. ❛ You just look so cute, ❜ between each kiss is another offering of praise and compliments, the blush left in your wake matching excellently. ❛ Who's my handsome bunny .ᐣ ❜

Your multitude of kisses has left Lucifer stunned and looking nothing short of angelic -- even more so than usual. You're fully intending on giving him several more, leaning in to do just that when the wall mounted clock besides you chimes a new hours arrival, alerting you to the time. ❛ Oh, dear. I'm very sorry, Mr. Rabbit, but I'm afraid we simply must be going. We don't want to be late, do we .ᐣ ❜

Fixing your lipstick takes all of a few seconds, leaving you free to grab a makeup wipe off the pouch resting atop your vanity and wipe all of the stains you'd adorned his face with away. A snap of his wrist catches yours just inches from his face, however, halting your plans in their tracks. Confused, you look to him for an explanation, a soft ❛ leave them. please .ᐣ ❜ being all he offers you. ❛ You're going to go to the party like this, love .ᐣ ❜ to which he nods sagely. He can't bear to part with them -- not when the lipstick marks are yours, not when they declare proudly that he is yours.

❛ If you say so, honey. ❜ You can't deny that the prospect leaves your heart fluttering. A grand, golden portal appears with a simple snap of his fingers and he takes your arm, now linked with his own in an attempt to usher you forward. He can't wait to show you off, to watch as other demons eyes glow green as they stare his way. You stay still, though, prompting him to look back at you with an air of confusion. It's then that you lean close, whispering ❛ be a good bunny and there will be more where that came from. too bad we'll have to wait until we come home, hmm .ᐣ ❜

Suddenly Lucifer can't wait for this party to be over.

I still can't believe I'd originally intended this to be 100 words and it ended up over a thousand. I can't help it, I'm so weak for anything Lucifer related. I'm half tempted to write an absolutely filthy post party part 2. If there's enough demand for it .ᐣ I just might.

As always, let me know what you think .ᐣ Hearing back from you guys keeps me motivated ~

[crispyjenkins]

mandalore the young cont.

original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!

@malcontent-crow

#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)

#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own

#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?

#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?

#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult

#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else

#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?

(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)

sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao

it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed

hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo

SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀

so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.

I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.

one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he

wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.

he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.

he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.

so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.

and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force

so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.

i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.

and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.

so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.

okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?

now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.

so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.

what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?

I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.

now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.

for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?

okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?

maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.

to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.

NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?

okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.

could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.

haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.

now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.

Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.

the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.

[yxxdel]

𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 FT. LEON KENNEDY 𖦹°‧ ** leon remember your first and last encounter

W/C : 650

C/W : mention of death/blood/zombies

𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟑𝟎, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟖. It was the day Leon Kennedy would never forget. The cop inside him died that day. His heart died that day. Because he lost faith in humanity.

Because he lost you.

Leon sighed as he leaned back against his couch, closing his eyes. It has been six years since that day, since your death.

At night, he did have nightmares of those monstrous creatures, but he also dreamed of you.

He dreamed of your smile when you first met; he dreamed of your light chuckle at his stupid joke, even though the hell you two were in, your lips softly kissing his…

He grinned sadly, alone in his apartment, putting his hands over his face. How pathetic he was, he thought, for still thinking of you even after all those years…

“Are you a cop ?”

Your voice echoed in the car as he showed you a little proud smile.

“Yeah, Leon Kennedy. And you ?”

You smiled at him, but you were still scared about what was happening in the city.

Leon thought your name suited you well- a lovely name for a lovely woman.

And your smile, God, he wished he knew you sooner because now he wanted to see it every day. But unfortunately, the situation didn’t give any hope to smile.

Grunting in pain, you fell to the ground as your hand held your stomach. Sensing you weren’t behind him anymore, Leon rushed by your side with a worried expression.

“No, no..”

He pressed his hands on your injury, his blue eyes scanning your face.

“Are you okay ? Can you walk ? Come on, we’re almost there.”

He said, he sounded desperate.

Because this was supposed to be his first day, and it turned out to be a hell. But at least he was with you, you, who were just a survivor. You who stuck by his side.

“Leon..”

You whispered with a soft smile, one bloody hand cupping his cheek. He shook his head; he didn’t want to believe it.

“It’s too late, go before it’s too late for you too. Please.”

He pressed harder, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Bullshit. I’m picking you up, there’s no way I’m leaving you here—“

You cut him off by pressing your lips gently against his, offering him a sweet kiss. His body froze, trying to understand what was happening.

Your tears mixed with his as you pulled away, your thumb caressing his cheek.

“I won’t forgive myself if you die, please, save yourself when you still can.”

He rested his forehead against yours at your words, closing his eyes.

“No, I-I must save you.”

The sounds of the groans of the contaminated people got closer, and you gently pushed him away.

“Leave, now.”

You stood up with difficulty, blood was still coming out of your injury as you paled even more. He watched you with his ocean eyes, whispering your name.

Then, when the zombies arrived where you two were, you jumped on them with open arms so they wouldn’t reach Leon.

You screamed in pain as you felt your skin be eaten, your eyes meeting his scared ones.

“Please, run away. For me.”

Those were your last words, before you closed your eyes. Leon wanted to scream, raising his gun. But deep inside, he knew it was too late.

So, with the heart heavy, he ran away. His blurry vision caused him to fall a few times, but he kept running.

For you. You gave your life for him, so he swore he would live for you.

Opening his eyes, he exhaled through his nose as he straightened on his couch.

He got a call today for a new mission. He was supposed to save the president’s daughter.

And he promised, to whom well, he himself didn’t know, that he would succeed in this mission in one piece.

Like he has sworn to do since your death.

For you.

[derangedanomaly]

could you do bad sanses and star sanses who’s s/o is a skeleton monster as well:3

btw hope your having a good day:D

Hii! I am having a swell day! :D hope you're also having a good day! As for the request, I decided to do a little spin on it.

The reader is dead, and you're magically brought to life. (A little like in Corpse Bride).

Decided to cut this up into two parts! The next part will be: Error, Dream, Ink, Swap

Part 2

Their s/o is a skeleton (PART 1)

(Nightmare, Killer, Dust, Horror)

Nightmare:

He doesn't really care in the beginning, cause..like, he met more than thousand of skeletons before. Why would you be any special??

Would act like you're never even there. 😭

After one day of having enough, he tries to get some negative feelings out of you. But...you know...this proves to be difficult, cause you're always very cheerful!

It bothers him immensely, won't stop trying to get you in a bad mood.

But he just can't succeed. (Bummer)

This changes when he finds out that you're a skeleton... because you're dead.

His reaction is to be expected. He immediately reacts by smirking widely. (More like, creepily 😭)

Now he has a way to get negative feelings out of you. (Good luck with that by the way)

Your relationship is very...angsty. At the start. He's just using you to get some negativity, and you hate him for that. How lovely! :)

You actually can't take it anymore, so you snap at him for the first time that y'all know each other. This particular moment, is actually what makes him simp respect you.

Look, he just has a type for people that deny him or stand up to him. (Since no one really did it before, out of fear)

He became a little vulnerable when it came to you from that point onward.

He actually tries to help you out to understand some of the skeleton magic. (He's really just showing off though. Wants you to be impressed by him 💀)

You two act like an 'old married couple.' As Killer states.

Since you weren't born as a skeleton, but became one after you died, you were much more fragile...you would find yourself being wrapped around Nightmare's tentacles, so he can heal your injuries. (Mostly broken bones.)

Unfortunately, Nightmare very much forgets this fact very often...so he'll be frustrated with your fragile self almost every time.

Nightmare went up to you in anger, his tentacles furiously moving on his back. "I told you to cut off Ink! Not laze around." You furrow your gaze at him, starting to feel irritated. He knew you were physically unable to do so in your current health condition, yet he still shouts at you?! "Oh no no no Nightmare. You're blaming me?!" He rolled his eyes, staring you down. "Yes, of course. Who else would fuck this mission up as badly as you?!" You let out a low huff, cooking up a plan. Oh this is gonna be golden. "Nightmare...h-how could you say that...?" Nightmare's gaze suddenly changed as you let out crying sounds. He didn't know what to say now...it was.............awkward.. for him, I mean. "Uhm...damn, I really didn't expected that reaction from someone like you..umm....are..you.? Ok..?" You almost let out a small laugh at his quiet question. How very uncharacteristic of him. You shake your head, slowly looking up at him. "No...no. I'M NOT FUCKING OK!" He flinched when you suddenly shouted, pointing at him. "FUCK YOU, AND YOUR EMO ASS!" You stomped your way away from him, leaving him stunned, to go treat your injuries.

He should feel angry at you for shouting at him like that. He should already be making a punishment for you, but...he did neither of those things. The only thing he did, is stood there. A turquoise blush started to slowly appear on his face as he watched you tend to your injuries, with Dust on your side helping you out. He couldn't help the next thought that came to him as he watched you, little hearts appearing in his eye sockets instead of his white pupils. So this is love?

Killer:

Oh. You're also a skeleton? Cool.

He doesn't really know how to feel about that at first. He also thinks that you're just another Sans. 🤷‍♀️

After he finds out that you're not, his interest is 10 times more peaked then ever.

If you're not sensitive about the topic, he will ask thousands of questions about how being dead works.

Since he's a gamer at heart, he will make some silly jokes about you being like the skeletons in Minecraft. 💀 (Partially forgetting he's also a skeleton.)

He can't stand you doing anything that requires strength. Not because he's frustrated with you, but because the little playboy is very worried for you. 🥺

Literally WON'T let you even open a very tight jar.

He's like your little servant. (If you want, he'll even let you call him that. He's just freaky like that you know.)

He's partially helping you with everything just so he can show off his strength to you. He wants to make you swoon over him.

Whenever you're sad, he'll make it his mission to make you laugh. (Which works. He's good at making people laugh. Most of the time..)

You both just tease the other. Seeing who'll back out first. (None of you do. Lol.)

He's always demanding for you two to be paired together on missions. He reasoning is always like, 'I want you close to me' or 'I don't want to be paired up with anyone else besides you.' but that's only half of the truth.

He's doing this because he wants to keep a close eye on you. Wants to make sure you're safe.

Look, he once saw what injuries you had when you broke your bones for the first time, he doesn't wanna experience that again.

"Alright... Changing to blue!" Killer groaned as he took another card from the deck. You were seated on the couch, playing Uno. And you were winning! There's no way Killer can win, you have only one card in your hand, and he has-! Wait...oh SHOOT! You didn't say Uno! "Hah! You didn't say the word..~ take one." Killer pointed to the deck of cards as you sighed. "Whatever. I've got this anyway!" You beamed. Killer only looked at you with curious gaze.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"I never lose, cupcake." You hummed at the nickname, not refusing the pinkish blush appearing on your cheeks. "Me neither!" Killer's smirk made you suddenly nervous..what is he planning? You hope he doesn't have some trick up his sleeves.... really, he's kinda stupid..but not when he's playing games! It could be any type of game, and he'll win with passing colors. You didn't even know what to do to win against him at least once.

"W-What? What's with your smirk?" Killer shrugged. "It's nothing...why? Scared~?" You snorted, and let out nervous laughs. "Hah! You're kidding? Pfft..no..just.... why are you smirking...?" He couldn't help but laugh at your sheepishness. "Nothing.. really....I just like looking at you. I like playing games with you. You make playing them fun." You couldn't help the blush forming on your face. "....thank you, Killer...I also like playing games with you. Your overconfidence is very attractive." Killer suddenly stopped what he was doing, which was drinking, and spit out the said drink. He wasn't expecting that. And now... he's the one flustered.

Unfortunately, he didn't noticed your successful win in his dreamy daze...

Dust:

He doesn't pay you much mind. He knows too much skeletons to handle another one...

He views you just as a stupid joker that will only make his life more miserable....until he finds out you weren't born as a skeleton, but became a skeleton after you died.

His opinions about you didn't changed much. He just became less harsh with you.

He does feel very interested in the details of how does one even become a skeleton..but feels shy to outright ask you. Especially if you're sensitive about that topic! He would never ever wish to make you uncomfortable!

He starts to try to talk to you after he finds out that Horror trusts you. If Horror trusts you, then you can't be a stick in the mud or anything like that? Right?

You guys actually have a very pleasant conversation. You find his journalling cute, which he curses you for. 'He's not cute damn it!' yes he is. He very much is.

He panicked the first time he saw your broken bones after a mission. He'll ask you tons of questions about what happened, while patching you up like an angry/worried mom.

After that, he doesn't let you do everything alone. He has to supervise if something bad happens! (Just an excuse to hang out with you more)

He often likes to test out some 'gadgets' he makes specifically for you, to stable your fragility. Some kinda help, but some don't help at all.

He has a journal titled 'Y/n'. At first, like usual, he writes about your powers... species etc.. but after awhile of getting to know you, it slowly shifts to writing about trivial things, that he doesn't normally writes in his journals..

Things like: your favorite color, drink,...your ideal date. (don't ask him why that's an important information.)

You sit on a chair, watching as Killer and Horror play a game. It was getting pretty heated, until you felt a hand tap you. You turn around, only to be met with Dust's chest. You pause, cursing under your breath, until finally shifting your gaze upwards on his face.

Dust shyly smiles down at you. "Hey..." You nod at him. "Hi." There's an awkward silence for awhile, until he finally speaks. "Uhm. So, Horror told me how nice you are... so I decided to give you a chance to prove yourself... Prove to me that you're not like the other skeletons." You slightly gulped, staring at him with confusion. "Ok.. so..what? You wanna play 20 questions?" He nodded, sitting down next to you. And so...your little game began.

The questions were quite normal. Ranging from 'What's your favorite color?' to 'Favorite animal?'. Dust suddenly asked you a question that made you pause for a bit..

"Do you have a significant other?" You blinked up at him.. thinking it over. "No...I don't. No one really made me interested, you know? Besides... I'm a little romantic in these sort of things! Heh..." Dust looked at you, curious. "Oh? We're your fantasies unfulfilled?" You slowly nodded at his question in embarrassment...

"I just want to be given flowers romantically, finding little romantic notes on my table from my secret admirer.... I know that it's a little fairytale-like. But I just like the thought of that..." Dust hummed, looking off to the side.

—

You get up from your bed as you hear knocking on your door. Nightmare couldn't possibly be requesting you for a mission at this hour?! You open the door, only to be met with Dust's eyes. You smile at him, relief washing over you to find out it's not Nightmare... "Dust? What're you doing here so late at night?" He smiled softly at you, blushing. He suddenly showed you a beautiful banquet of your favorite flowers! He held them out to you. You took them from his hands, feeling touched at this gesture. "Huh..? Dust.. what's all this for?" He smiled. "Do you remember when you told me about your romantic fantasies that were unfulfilled?" Ah yes. It was a little way back..you smiled at the thought. "You...did this for me?" Dust, yet again smiled and patted your head. "Anything for you... Sleep well, princess." You were left there with the biggest blush on your face. No fair Dust! You looked at the flowers again, smiling warmly, until getting inside your room.

You placed the flowers in a vase, and put it on your table. As you did this, a letter suddenly appeared on your table. You jump a little, not expecting that. You took the letter in your hands, reading it. It was a love poem, written for you! At the very bottom of the letter is signed: 'Your secret admirer'. You hug the letter in giddiness. He didn't forget...

Of course he didn't. How could he...when he has it written down in his journal. ;)

Horror:

He's... interested, to say the least. Horror always felt like something is different about you, call it a sixth sense or something, but he just somehow knew you weren't a 100% pure skeleton. (You smelled different 💀)

That's why he kept following you around... You found it quite cute, but from other people's perspective...it was.. terrifying.

He was like your own guard dog.

You tried making conversations with him, but he would never respond.

He did watch you closely while you talked.. but it was really like if you were talking to yourself.

It kinda seemed like he never listened to you, but truth be told, he did listen. Just never responded.

He was never much for talking anyways. He's a good listener though! 👍

He panicked when he heard your bones break the first time. And when I mean panic.... I mean he went absolutely bonkers.

After that, whenever you were on missions he sat you on his shoulders. (I HC that out of all the sanses, Horror's the tallest)

This slowly became a normal occurrence to you. You would be standing somewhere, he would come and sit you on his shoulders.

I mean...you didn't complain. 🤷‍♀️

You were talking with Horror about your day, as he watched you with that smile of his. Wait... he's probably not listening. He's not listening...you probably bore him. Now you feel bad.. you're wasting his time..You slowly stopped talking after awhile, glancing down. Horror looked at you in confusion.

"Something..the matter..?" He carefully put his hand on your shoulder. You sighed, looking up at him once again. "No.. it's just.....It doesn't really seem like you ever listen to me...I feel like I'm only wasting your time with this, sorry.. I'll just go now-" as you were about to run away, he stopped you, holding your hand. "Wait..!" You looked at him curiously. He looked really sad..

"...I...." No words were coming out of him, as he felt shy under your gaze. He inhaled a deep breath, and then exhaled. "..please..don't...leave..." He coughs a little to make himself stop talking so slowly. "This is...all I'm....waiting for...at the end...of the day.....Y/n..." You feel touched by his words. "I'm always...listening....to you...I love your voice.." it took everything in you to not burst out into tears.

You went up to him and hugged him. "Aww! Horror....I thought you're never listening to me! Thank you.." Horror blushed red, but smiled, enjoying your hugs. He returned your hugs with a smile similar to a puppy..

He's surely going to try engaging in your conversations now! He doesn't ever want to see that broken expression on your face again..not when he's around.

[bamboobooshark]

LOGAN HOWLETT X M!READER

🦪. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ NEEDY : 1.25K WRDS

A/N : I’m writing this right after posting my most recent Logan fic in promises of some romantic content for him and upon a request from @tvwebs ! In this fic, Logan has been really out of it, you’ve been busy and unable to see him, and now he’s stuck in the most needy state ever for some affection. !!Warning for mentions of blood, and (possibly suggestive? It depends on your definition of it) neck kissing!!

You’ve been working your ass off. Every day, you barely get a break. Each second has been a living nightmare. You’re busy working long hours. If you’re not working long hours, you’re busy with schoolwork. If you’re not doing schoolwork, you’re busy studying. It’s a cycle you wish you could break, but procrastination has gotten the better of you.

And it hasn’t been bad just for you, either. Logan has been suffering emotionally just as much as you have physically and mentally. He’s been trying his best to squeeze in some time with you. He’s sadly only had the chance to hold you in his sleep, but wakes up with you out of his grasp. He needs time with you while you’re awake. No work, no laptop, just you and him together. His efforts have yet to succeed. All he wants anymore is to hold his man in his arms.

You’ve both been so stressed. You keep almost lashing out at each other from all the pressure. Tension has been building between the two of you. You yearn for each other; touch, love, affection. Any of it without a stressor in sight would be heavenly. However, you’re sitting at the dinner table right now at 8 PM working on assignments.

Logan mumbles while walking around the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. He’s been trying night after night to keep himself awake. Maybe you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and need him. Then you two could finally smother each other with affection like you’ve been wanting to.

After his cup finishes brewing, he pads over to you, skin covered in goosebumps from the cold floor. He stood behind you and set his cup down next to yours. You felt his skin graze your neck and it makes you shiver like crazy. “You better hurry up with all that damn work,” he growls lowly to you. Your skin flushes slightly at the tone of his voice. God, he’s so hot. You want to tear him limb from limb from how crazy he makes you. You nod your head in agreement and huff. “That’s what I’m trying to do, Lo. It’d be easier if you backed up and gave me some space,” you reply in the same low tone. He grunts in compliance, picking up his coffee cup and making his way to the living room.

He huffs as he flops down onto the couch. He’s as needy as a neglected puppy. You’ve never seen him so childish in any circumstance, not even for you. His eyes linger on you as you work. Even with your slouched posture, dark circles under your eyes, and a practically dead expression on your face, he still finds you so astonishing. He looks at your eyes with an intense focus. He loves the shape of them and the color of them that shines gorgeously in the sunlight. The image of you opening your eyes as he wakes you with breakfast, the golden light from the sun displaying all the small details in your eyes causes his pupils to get wider. He snaps his head away in fear that you might catch him staring, but you didn’t mind if he did. If the roles were swapped, you wouldn’t be able to keep your eyes off of him either.

You give him an ounce of what you’ve both been craving. You push your laptop’s display down a bit while giving him the same stare before you speak. “Is there something wrong,” you ask him, watching his cheeks get ever so slightly red from being caught. “Yeah. What’s wrong is that I can’t have your handsome ass over here cuddling me,” he replies with a bit of a pout. “Please come back to me. I miss you,” he says tenderly. His eyes are almost glossy like he’s holding back tears. You break at the gaze he gives you, returning the same look.

You take a deep breath while glancing between your half-closed laptop and Logan’s face. All your procrastination led to this; endless hours of work, a horrible sleep schedule, and no time with your boyfriend. But you only have a few assignments and unanswered emails left. You could attend to those later. What mattered most right now was getting yourself to the man you loved most. You saved your progress onto your computer and shut it off. The look in Logan’s eyes was nothing short of stunned. His lips parted slightly in amazement that you would procrastinate more and possibly put yourself in the same cycle again just because he gave you a pitiful little look. He sprinted from the couch to come get you, using a bit more force than usual to swoop you up into his arms. For the first time in days, you smile genuinely. “There he is,” Logan purred, gently bringing you over to your couch. He sat down with you still in his arms before moving you to his lap and pressing you to his chest.

“God, I missed you and your charming little smile,” he complimented, receiving a soft chuckle in return. “I missed you too,” you tell him, running your thumbs along the fluffy sides of his face. He quickly leans into your touch like a clingy pet, a low rumble coming from his chest. “Your hands always feel so damn good,” he comments as his arms wrap around your middle. You’ve never seen him so clingy, but you weren’t complaining. This is exactly what you needed considering the stress and attention-deprived state you were both in. You let him press against you protectively and lovingly.

He presses his nose right against your neck and inhales you like a drug. “You always smell good too,” he adds to his previous statement. You hum in agreement before you feel his sharp teeth nip at your neck. “Logan,” you mutter to him before he begs you softly, “please? I need this so badly right now. You don’t understand.” You sigh softly, tilting your head to the side so he isn’t cramped against your jaw and shoulder. He mumbles a quick thank you and presses a kiss to your cheek before he continues. He starts by kissing your throat, causing you to grunt from the pleasure of the feeling you missed so badly. Your noises only fuel him to keep it up. He starts to leave deeper kisses that leave a mark on your neck. “Lo, you’re acting like you’ll die if you don’t give me deep enough hickeys,” you point out to him. He pulls back and wipes a small string of saliva from his lips. “I don’t care, good-lookin’. You’re mine. My man. My handsome man,” he rambles breathlessly. His lips quickly reconnect with your neck. Out of spite for your words, he sucks harder on the skin to darken the previous marks, tracing the previously light hickeys. Your fingers tangle into his hair as you ever so slightly press him harder against your neck. “More,” you choke out to him softly. He hums in acceptance of your request. His hands firmly, but tenderly, slide up and down your frame as he starts to nip at your neck. You could swear you felt him drawing blood, but who cared? Both of you are aware of just how much you need this and have needed this. There’s no harm in losing a little bit of blood for the one you love the most, you think to yourself as his tongue carefully licks the area he accidentally punctured with his teeth.

[aziraphales-library]

hi!! do you have any soft crowley fics through aziraphales pov? could be either fluff or hurt/comfort, and maybe some ineffable wives if you could find any?

and thank you all so much, you are carrying this fandom!!!!! i appreciate all the hard work that goes into running this blog ❤️

Hello! Here are some soft Crowley fluffy and/or hurt/comfort wives fics for you...

two snow angels (demons) against the world by Flores_De_Junio (G)

“Do you want to make a snow angel with me? We can have them hold hands.” “Oh angel, I'm not sure I could.” “Why do you say that?” “I'd be so overwhelmed with the urge to kiss you I would destroy them completely.” In which Crowley wants to make her girlfriend's birthday special and she is also head over heels in love.

Meet-Cute In A Ditch by die_traumerei (G)

Aziraphale takes a header into a ditch. Crowley hauls her out. They fall in love. That's it, that's the story.

This is Beauty by ShesAKillerQueen98 (G)

Aziraphale wants to get a short, tight skirt, because she thinks it'll make Crowley happy, but she only succeeds in making herself uncomfortable. Luckily Crowley is there to comfort her.

Depth of Beauty by Lady of Prompts (G)

“I’ve been wanting to…experiment a little…” Aziraphale tugged at her new dress. She’d thought it very fetching in the shop, belted tartan with wide lapels, short skirt and sleeves, neckline a little daring. But compared to Crowley, she looked…dull, uninspired. “You have? Since when?” “Ah. Well. A month or so. Since…since we moved.” Aziraphale waved her hand vaguely to indicate the entire cottage. “I thought it might be nice to – to try something and…” She pulled at her hair. The plan had been for shoulder-length curls, tighter than Crowley’s, but as they’d grown, they’d simply become more unruly, transforming into a frizzy, tangled mess. A disaster. A nightmare. This was why it was better not to try. -- Aziraphale needs a change. She wishes she felt beautiful, confident - more like her wife. Crowley, though, sees the beauty within her. She just wishes Aziraphale could see the same.

Good Luck, Angel! by Baeruto (M)

Only Azira carries the burden of her truth. Only she has the ability to dig into the dusted vault inside of her mind and pull out memories best left untouched. Despite that, she digs them out anyway. Not often – never often – but consistently enough that they may never be forgotten. Ribbons of scarlet curled hair between her pale fingers, the image flashes behind her eyelids, Azira remembers. *** After seven years of unhappy marriage, Azira finds herself in a cottage by the seaside with an achingly familiar face for a neighbor. Will she finally allow herself to feel the emotions she worked so diligently to keep locked inside?

Serendipity by Dukeofnone, MagpieWords (T)

noun. a development of events by chance in a beneficial way. College is about finding yourself, but how do you find something you haven't defined yet? A music student and a culinary student have no reason to meet, and even less reason to become friends. Somehow, something that wasn't meant to happen leads them to finally define what their lives will become.

- Mod D

[mrs-snape5984]

“As long as I'm with you, I've got a smile on my face…”

“Save your tears, it'll be okay. All I know is you're here with me…” (“Here with me” by D4vd)

Suffering from ME/CFS makes me feel like my whole world is falling apart in front of my eyes. Since I’ve already lost so much joy and so many abilities due to this devastating disease, my continuing loss seems to increase even further.

As some of you might know, do I love to write my own stories about Severus and Julia just as much as I enjoy using my tumblr blog as some kind of journal, whenever I’ve commissioned another artwork. It’s my way of rolling out a red carpet for the artists of Snapedom…it’s my way of honouring them for their talent in their profession. Commissioning those amazing people and letting them make my ideas and fantasies come to life, is my very own manner of coping with my physical and emotional pain.

And now, this coping mechanism seems to crumble into pieces as well as everything else, that I’ve already lost! It hurts me to admit, that my brain fog takes advantage of my capability to create vivid images with my words. My thoughts are getting blurry and chaotic. I’m struggling to find the right words to express my emotions (it’s even worse in my native language German than in English!!)…and this scares me to hell!

My mind was the only place, where I could find some shelter from my infuriating and terrifying reality of losing myself to ME/CFS. What if I forfeit my only - just barely existing- talent now?? How should I flee this nightmare of existence if writing wouldn’t be an option anymore?! How should I express my gratitude towards all those marvellous artists of Snapedom, who are all weaving my emotional comfort blanket with each piece of their art?!?

I don’t want to give up on my writing…and I won’t…even though my pride would probably fade away with each badly written chapter of my fictions…and with each unworthy post on my blog. I must admit, that I’m already acknowledging the loss of quality. 🥺

I found an inspiring poem about the importance of staying resilient, no matter how difficult the hardships of life might become, and I want to share it with you:

"KEEP GOING" (Better known as "DON'T QUIT") by Edgar A. Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and debts are high, And you want to smile but have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You might succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up, When he might captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close he was to the golden crown,

Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint on clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems afar,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

My dear @mmad-lover, I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for your dedication to this stunning piece of art and believe me, it was worth every single second of waiting! Paula, I was incredibly touched to hear, that my request seemed to be something special, something personal to you. I can assure you, that, indeed, all of my ideas have a profound meaning to me and I’m glad that you’re such an empathetic person, who sensed that particular importance of your art to me. Your devotion to this drawing is palpable in every single detail, every line of your brushes. You created exactly the mood, that I wished for Severus and Julia. It doesn’t matter that the world is burning to the ground around them, they will always have each other’s backs! Just like I’m relying on Severus for more than 21 years now. Thank you for everything, you precious soul! I’m glad that I met you and I hope, we’ll stay in touch. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[igotanidea]

You're losing me : Nikolai Lanstov x f!reader

Based on Taylor Swift song "You're losing me" (I used some lyrics, all credit goes to the queen :) : Reader agreeing to nikolai's plan about marrying alina but when he married alina they started growing apart and she could sense it but nikolai was too busy (with alina?) to realize so she talked to nikolai and he did listen but he still did nothing.

I changed the "marrying" part to simple enagagement, since they never really married.

Sorry it took to long, hope you'll like it @cat-of-nightmares @marsconer

***

„I don’t understand.” He said

„I know you don’t.” she sighed deeply, facing the window and looking outside not ready to look him in the eyes. She knew exactly what was hidden inside them. Pain. Fear. Confusion. And endless amount of love, regardless of the situation they found themselves in.

“Y/N…..”

“It’s fine Nikolai. It really is fine. I shouldn’t be here anyway. I got a commander meetings to attend to in a few minutes and given the fact I am presiding I really cannot be late…..” she moved towards the door but he grabbed her wrist and spun her around.

“Come on, I deserve better than this.” He pleaded for any explanation on her side “tell me.”

“Kolya…. You should know by yourself…..”

“Is this because of me getting engaged to Alina? Why bring it up now? You knew the plan all along. It’s not like I left you in the dark….” He took a step forward, fighting to meet her gaze, but she wasn’t the one to relent easily instead turning her head away. And that stung.

“Yes, I did, I knew. But what I didn’t expect was for you to grow so …. distant towards me. I know things changed between us and we cannot be as close as before, but you barely speak to me. You avoid me. You always find something to keep yourself busy. It’s like I can’t even get within ten feet from you because you just keep running.“

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, Nikolai.  You do. How can you not see it?” she managed to say with the broken voice  “tell me,  why do I have to ask for an official audience with you?  Why do I have to use my position as commanding officer to get five minutes of your time? It…. hurts….”

“Y/N…..” he run hand through his hair in frustration, messing them up and Y/N had to fight the urge to fix his blond curls up . As if royal life and choices he was forced to make wasn’t hard enough, now, to addition, he was losing her. And the worst part was that, he didn’t even realize his behavior until she pointed it out to him. “I’m sorry, love. I truly am. Please, don’t leave.” He took a step forward and grabbed her hands in his, caressing her skin gently and lovingly. “Just stay.”

“Give me a reason to, Nikolai.” she whispered “cause Saints, I don’t want to go, but if you keep doing what you’re doing…….”

“I won’t. Promise.” His right hand found a way up her arm, brushed over her shoulder and ended cupping her cheek, thumb running over the soft, smooth skin three. “I want you with me. Don’t ever feel differently.”

“You want me as who?” a single tear fell down her face “cause we both know that what we had before is gone since you got engaged. So…. who am I to you now?”

“You are…..” everything – was what he tried to say, but the amount of pain and fear on her face made his heart clench and he just couldn’t manage a single word. Instead he just stuttered. The silence lasted  for too long and that made her wriggle out of his embrace. ‘Please….”

“I really have to go, Nikolai. Like I said, meeting.”

“Are you denying the prince?” he smirked, trying to get back to his usual smugness, but was too desperate to succeed at that.

“I don’t think that was an official request. Or was it? Were you asking as a royalty or as …..”

“I still love you. I swear. I’ll do better if that’s what you need. I promise. I don’t want to be apart from you.” he almost cried those words out, reaching for her waist and pulling her close to him, cradling her head and stroking her hair.

“Ok.” She whispered, not pulling back from the shelter she had in his arms “I hold you to your words.” The smallest, almost unnoticeable smile showed on her face, lightening up her eyes. Their intertwined fingers brushed over each other’s once more before she moved towards the door, now really late for the meeting. “See you later?”

“Always.” He gulped.

He was losing her.

***

That conversation took place three weeks ago.

And for a moment he really was acting better, finding more time for Y/N, who was still trying to figure out how to act in the new situation. Who to be and how to reconcile her duties as a second army officer, subject to Nikolai and her broken heart.  

When they were kids, Nikolai and Y/N they had those big, fairytale plans. They wanted to be together no matter what, and foolishly believed that a fantasy could be made a reality. But he was a prince and in his own words, being himself( and therefore doing what he wanted) was a luxury he couldn’t usually indulge in. And that only got worse once Vasily was murdered and Nikolai was about to be crowned and rule Ravka as a king. And amongst other things, that meant getting engaged to the sun summoner only to ensure safety of Ravka.

And it hurt.

Y/N could easily understand his duties as a king. But what she could not comprehend was not taking her feelings into consideration at all. One day he just came out of nowhere advising her that he was engaged to Alina.

And that left her questioning herself for days.

Lonely days, filled with thoughts, burring herself with work and duties and simply keeping herself busy just to not think about the fact that despite his promise to act different, Nikolai still had zero time for her.

And she was tired of fighting.  Her heart just couldn’t take it all and it felt like it was slowly giving up on her, not wanting to start, to beat anymore.

One sleepless night she was just wandering around the corridor of the palace unable to lay down and get any rest. Absentmindedly she followed the path she and Nikolai used to walk so many times before, in happier times. Times that seemed so far away now, almost like it was just a dream that never happened. She could still hear the echo of their voices, their careful steps in the middle of the night, when they were sneaking away from their rooms just to be together for a while more. Ironically, completely reverse situation than it was at the moment.

“Y/N…..” Nikolai would call her in another life, hugging her closely to his chest, swaying to the music he only heard inside his mind .

“Nikolai….” She would repeat, hearing her same melody he did

“don’t ever leave me.” His hand would find a way to her chin, lifting it up slightly, meeting her gaze

“I won’t. I’ll stay as long as you’ll want me.” She would whisper

“I’ll always want you.”

And then their lips would meet in the softest, gentlest kiss. There was no need for urgency, they had each other. For good and for worse. Everyone at the court knew, that Nikolai and Y/N were always together. They would hold each other tightly, basking in each other’s warmth and love and care. Pretty much nothing could come between them.

Well…..

Until not apparently and she just couldn’t stop the tears flowing down freely at the memories flooding her brain.

He promised to always want her, but now he was acting so cold and indifferent and always busy.

He was losing her.

***

“Y/N? Are you all right? You look so pale and thin……” Alina was the first one to notice Y/N’s sick look.

“Yes. Yes, I am perfectly fine, thank you.” she lied smoothly

“are you su….?”

“Yes, I am sure. I’ve just…. been thinking a lot lately….. and had some trouble sleeping that’s just it.”

“You worry too much, sunshine. You should relax a bit. How about you spend some time outside the palace? That can be easily arranged.” Nikolai chimed in with his characteristic smile and Y/N’s eyes grew wide. Was he really so oblivious or just simply stupid? How many hints could she possibly throw his direction for him to understand.

“Thank you, moi tsar…..”

“Not until the coronation.”

“…. however I don’t think that time off could fix what I’m suffering from.” she hissed, covering for the despair that crept into her heart. “seems like it’s something that cannot be healed. Now if  you excuse me….” She curtsied and in a heartbeat left the chamber.

He was losing her.

***

“Moi tsar?” Genya entered the chamber when Nikolai was holding a meeting with the second army officers, Y/N included. Normally, no one would dare to interrupt so this had to be something really important.

“Yes, Genya?” he raised his blue eyes from the map, his gaze landing on Y/N for a moment before focusing on the tailor. “What happened?”

“The sun summoner requires your presence. Something about Darkling and the amplifier….”

“I’ll see to her immediately. Y/N, please continue without me.”

She barely found enough strength to nod. The fact was, that all that drama and broken heart was taking a heavy toll on her health. Her heart was getting weak, not only in a metaphorical sense but now also in a real, physical aspect. She was suffering from headaches and nausea and Nikolai just seemed to completely miss this.

But she was not going to show any sign of weakness, slowly getting up from her chair and taking Nikolai’s place at the top of the table. She knew well enough her position as a commander was being questioned and had to fight to keep it.

“As you can see, the plan is to attack Darkling and his army from the north side and …..” she started, her voice shaking.

“You sure you’re not messing up the directions?” one of the male commander threw spiteful words at her “no offence, but is your mental condition good enough to even be here?”

“I… how dare you?!”

“Oh, I dare. Everyone knows king Nikolai only keeps you here because of some old sentiment.”

“Really?” she mocked, trying her best to keep tough attitude “then why does he keep you?”

“’because I’m useful.” The man shrugged “you were only needed where you were warming king’s bed, but now that he got the sun summoner as a bride to be…..”

“watch your words!” she hissed, clenching her fists.

“Or what will you do little whore? It’s not like the King can protect you anymore. Seems like he does not care about you the same way he used to…”

“It’s not true….” She whispered

“Isn’t it?” the man mocked “when was the last time he paid attention to you? Hm? Oh, that’s right. He’s been omitting you even here, while consulting. And you, you little poor thing, though you were actually worth something?”

“I…..” she took a sharp inhale, gathering strength to defend herself but before any words were actually spoken, Nikolai voice chimed in from the entrance.

‘I think that is enough.” The tone suggested that he has been standing there for a moment and heard most of the exchange. He shot one look at Y/N, not sure how to behave.

Say something….she begged silently, her teary eyes fixed on his do something please, just let me know it’s not true. That you don’t think that. Just risk it, please…..

But he did nothing.

Instead, Alina, who was standing right next to him decided to put the commander in his place, not mincing her words, in a sun summoner style defending her friend.

He was losing her.

***

She had family in Ketterdam. Close family that would be more than happy to take her in for some time. And since she apparently had no future in the palace, no real friends, not Nikolai, nothing, the choice was obvious.

Three days after Nikolai’s inaction at the collocution she grabbed her bag, gathered most important things and under the cover of the night, went aboard the ship, leaving her hometown, leaving her past, leaving the people she thought cared about her. On one hand, she was free. Free from the pain, fear, heartache, from being a soldier on the frontline that was always fighting. On the other side, she knew that what she went through, how she was treated by the one man she loved with all her heart would leave a lasting scar.

But he didn’t choose her.

He was losing her.

And yet, still didn’t know that……

***

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” the next morning Nikolai was walking around the palace and its ground, asking everyone who happen to came across about the girl. He just couldn’t find her anywhere, even in her favorite places and uneasiness was slowly started to form in his chest. “Saints, please let her be all right…” he begged the skies. It was just so easy to imagine her lying somewhere, hurt or unconscious. Saints! Alina, Genya and Zoya were right when they were pointing out her bad health of late. He should have paid more attention to her. He swore to her to find time for her, to give her attention and only now Nikolai realized that for the last month and a half he did nothing to even come close to that promise.

“Moi tsar…..” one of the servant approached Nikolai’s distressed figure

“What is it?”

“There’s a letter for you…..”

“A letter?” Nikolai almost jumped, all possible crazy thoughts gathering in his mind. “From who?”

“If I were to guess, my king…… I would say, miss Y/N……”

“Give it to me.” Nikolai commanded, barely holding himself from going at the servant and extorting that piece of paper. “Now leave. I want to read it in silence.”

The servant rushed out and Nikolai, with shaking hands and rapidly beating heart struggled to open the envelope. What happened to her? Did Darkling kidnapped her? Was she hurt? Was she in pain? He shouldn’t even be standing her, while she might have been in danger…..

Well, the truth happened to be far worse than his imagination. And he found that out the second he finally managed to retrieve the words she wrote to him.

….. Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

I know my pain is such an imposition

Now, you're runnin' down the hallway

And you know what they all say

You don't know what you got until it's gone

The more his eyes moved on the lines, the wider his eyes were becoming. Breath hitched in his throat and the silent scream got muffled so that only the tiniest whimper got out. Once he read the last line, the letter fell from his hand and slowly landed on the carpeted floor. And the king fell to his knees, grabbing his head, looking like a mad man who just lost his mind, his heart, his soul. Utterly broken.

Stop, you're losin' me

Stop, you're losin' me

Stop, you're losin' me

I can't find a pulse

My heart won't start anymore

For you …….”

“Nikolai?” Alina came from the adjacent chamber and his disheveled state alarmed her instantly as she rushed to his side, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly, preventing Nikolai from hurting himself. “Nikolai, look at me, what happened?!”

But he couldn’t say a word, instead just leaning his head on the wall, closing  his eyes and getting lost in his mind.

He lost her.  

[imperatorcaesaraugustus]

we come now to that most special time of the week, the time or ThoughtD: Thoughts on HotD. today we look at season 2 episode 7

my favorite way to have a conversation is on a beach shouting at each other from 50 feet away

"my father is no one of consequence" how long do you plan on keeping that fact a secret, Addam?

"under the sheets and in the woodpiles" i see we're taking this idea away from Jace (or away from mushroom, depending on what source you believe) and giving it to Mysaria

also, woodpiles? i get sheets, but why woodpiles, specifically?

Addam putting in his 2 weeks with Corlys because he got hired at a new job as Dragonrider

Corlys just saying "well done" instead of "i'm proud of you" or "i care about you, son" or "i can't believe you're a dragonrider now that's incredible"

Muppet Tully's dialogue inside with Daemon sounds off to me, like they re-dubbed it over or something

i really like this Tully lad. masterful politician

some people have expressed boredom with Daemon's continuing situation at Harrenhal. those people are wrong, this is great

this whole dynamic between Larys and Aegon is nowhere in the book, but it makes so much sense as an addition and i love it

Alyn saying "I am of salt and sea" couldn't possibly be foreshadowing for something, could it? wait... is it? how far chronologically is this show going to continue? will there be time to pay that off?

"I'm going to bed" "um, when are we going back to the castle?" "oh, maybe never" nightmare camping trip for this poor kingsguard

oops Rhaenyra, it seems you've uncovered Jace's bastard trauma!

"if lowborn have dragons, it takes away my best claim for the throne" yeah, huh, it's almost like the power of kings is based solely on the arbitrary withholding of power from vast swaths of the population. a point that would have been made even more strongly if you hadn't cut Nettles from the show

Mysaria's agent looking very... inconspicuous... in that bright red cloak

"oh, you know, i'd definitely love to claim a dragon, it's just, oof, my leg's been acting up" love this man

"nah, do it though" love this man's mates

Hugh is Saera's son? that's so cool!

okay, for those unfamiliar, Saera Targaryen was one of King Jahaerys' daughters, aunt to King Viserys. she was involved in a scandal where she was sleeping with like three different minor lords, so Jahaerys sent her off to become a septa. she escaped and ran off to Essos, where she became a sex worker in one of the free cities (i think Lys? or maybe it was Volantis?). super interesting character, love that she's being referenced here

i... i have no idea what to make of what Alicent is doing

the dragonkeepers are going on strike

Vermithor looming out of the darkness is so cool. i love his design, too. it's very asymmetrical

at first i thought Rhaenyra was straight-up leaving. turns out she was moving up to the balcony, but still

holy fuck that went badly. like, obviously most of these people weren't going to succeed, but damn

Ulf just running off into the caves where the dragons live as if there's not going to be more dragons in there

i'm not as big a fan of Silverwing's design, but it is distinctive which i appreciate. this will be relevant in the next scene where i immediately recognized her very triangular head

Ulf gets a dragon and immediately goes to the worst place he possibly could have gone, King's Landing

all in all, another episode i really liked. can't wait to see what comes next week

[deadbydangit]

Can I please request Nurse, Pig, and Wesker with a reader who gets jealous easily?

I believe I can do that. Sorry if this one is a little shorter, I had a hard time coming up with ideas for this one. Please enjoy.

With a jealous Reader : Nurse, Pig, Mastermind

Nurse

Sally thinks that hysterical.

"Don't get your panties in a twist. I'm a nurse, I was giving them medical attention."

"You're jealous? Jealous that I patched Frank up?"

Sometimes she thinks you're just silly.

"Do you honestly believe I'd pick the Legion kid over you?"

And she'll laugh right at you.

You're being over dramatic.

She'll always find a way to ease you out of that jealousy.

Usually by sharing a dark or dirty secret about the person she was just with.

"Frank sucks his thumb in his sleep."

She's a total gossip.

There are other times when she becomes more of an emotional support to others.

During this time, she does offer hugs to others.

If you happen to get jealous, she might be a little irritated.

"Philip had nightmares! You have no idea what he's been through!"

She might even start scolding you.

She'll tell you enough of the other person's story to make you start crying for them.

Sally doesn't like making you cry, but sometimes it's the only way to make you see reason.

At the end of the day, no matter how jealous you get, she'll always love you.

And she'll tell you every moment how important you are to her.

Pig

She really doesn't see the big deal.

"I was just talking to them."

She rarely talks to others to begin with.

So that doesn't leave you much chance to be jealous.

However, she will use any method at her disposal to get what she wants.

Talking to the person is just one way. There are many others.

Amanda isn't above using herself to get the things she needs to succeed.

Things that she'd rather not do.

But, being determined and stubborn, Amanda goes through with it.

Honestly, she doesn't blame you for being jealous.

She's doing things that she should only be doing with a partner.

So when you bring it up, she won't shut you down.

She'll embrace you.

Tightly.

She might even start crying.

You'll have to understand that she doesn't want to do what she's doing. She has to.

Don't point out that she's crying though.

Show deny it and push you out of the hug.

Just take the apology she's giving you. And move on.

She just hopes the show of vulnerability is enough to tell you that she loves you and would never want to betray you.

Mastermind

Wesker is a very charismatic person.

But that charisma is very rarely used for anything other than personal gain.

He's so good at lying, he'll convince himself that he's flirting with his other person.

If that's what needs to be done, that's what needs to be done.

He doesn't see why you'd be so upset.

He's just doing his job.

He isn't great about empathizing with other's needs.

Some may even describe him as selfish.

You'll have to really drill it into him while you're jealous.

Because, unless you speak up about it, he'll continue doing what he's doing.

"Stop acting like a spoiled child."

"Honestly, you're being ridiculous."

If you get angry enough, you might see it as a game.

He'll start teasing you.

"Hmm, yes, they do look very nice today. Perhaps I should go greet them."

He just wants to see you get worked up.

Seeing your little pout in your teeth go red is so much fun for him.

If you get really upset and start crying, he will stop.

He'll then act as if this was all planned, trying to teach you a lesson.

"See, don't you realize how ridiculous you were being?"

If you want to get revenge, start flirting with someone else.

He may act like he's in control, but he's actually a very jealous person himself.

"You minx. You think this is funny?"

He may even try to kill the other person.

"You are the only one whom I have given my heart to."

"I have given you my trust as you have given me yours."

"And I don't intend to break that trust."

[kiriwiwii]

i REALLY need to rant about eichi right now.. cuz im soo tired of people not understanding him at all.

i hate how this fandom acts like he is the ONLY bad person in this game. i mean, he is not a "bad" person but he made a lot of mistakes in his school years and his methods were cruel, i know. but,, most of the enstars characters did bad things. it's just how the game goes.

as the story progresses we can clearly see eichi regretting his actions. and even if he did NOT regret it, we can still like his character since it's fictional and i believe it's okay as long as we don't support his actions.

shu and kaoru also had a bad reputation during the ! era, but they both had good character development afterwards. most people do the same thing to them as well. acting like shu never changed etc. or kaoru even mentions this IN THE GAME how he feels upset when people still care about his past actions.

well- the topic was eichi so let's get back at that... in my opinion, he is one of the best-written characters in the game. his inner thoughts and conflicts within himself are reflected very well. almost all of his motives make sense. people literally have no empathy for him which makes me upset. he grew up in a hospital and tried to live with the stress that he could die at any moment. none of his parents cared about him that much and he was so socially awkward that even if he managed to get out of the hospital he had a hard time making friends. him not understanding people and having a hard time feeling empathy comes from this. he grew up all alone, in a literal hospital room😭

and his intentions were always good. i don't recall a moment when eichi hurt someone just because he wanted to. it was always because he had lots of goals in his mind and since he could die at any moment, he wanted to succeed as soon as possible. that's why he tried to destroy everyone who got in his way. and that totally makes sense, adding that he's also not good with social stuff.

I KNOW he hurt a lot of people. i don't support him. i'm just trying to explain why i think he's well-written. actually, while reading the stories there were soooo many times i hated him and his way of doing things but i believe thats what makes his character so "human". he's very flawed and this makes him interesting, i love that.

also, he did get the consequences of his actions. whenever he did something bad he was aware of it and it led him to depression and hating himself. there are so many quotes of him saying he believes he deserves to die etc... and i remember in ! era, he kept having nightmares about the war and the things he did. so, he did suffer just like the people he made suffer.

we don't see this kind of regret in keito and tsumugi. and another thing- people always bash eichi for the whole "capitalism" thing and the stuff i talked about above, but they never do this to ibara?? I LOVE ibara, but i never saw someone blaming him for some of the bad things he did?? and bro is literally capitalism itself but no one even jokes about it that much😭 im sure there are other characters we can add here. some of them get treated like a baby and no one cares about the mistakes they did, but when it comes to eichi (or shu, kaoru, any other character you might wanna add) they despise him.

sure, everything eichi did was more visible, and it's easier to hate on him. but i believe he deserves recognition and love just like the other characters in this game.

this is it. sorry for yapping can't believe i'm defending this guy out here🙏🏻

[novellafaire]

TWST BOYS AS YOUR BOYFRIEND

Just some headcanons on what I think they would be like as boyfriends ♡

Heartslabyul (here!) - Savanaclaw - Octavinelle - Scarabia - Pomefiore - Ignihyde - Diasomnia

• Sweet boy has never been in a relationship before

• easily flustered and wants everything to be perfect for you

• you’re always invited to Unbirthday parties!! Or any casual tea party

• will still scold you if you break any rules, but is noticeably softer on your “punishments” (Ace and Deuce call out favoritism constantly)

• he gives you a rose every date — your vase is never empty

• he tries to make sweets for you because he thinks they have more meaning that way… but he needs help so he always seeks out Trey’s assistance

• would totally help you study if you ever want!! Just know he won’t go easy on you, but only because he wants to see you succeed

• please save him from Floyd

• he gets jealous but he’s stubborn and won’t admit it; this leads to him having an even shorter temper, usually unleashed on the Adeuce duo

• high-key worried about what his mom would think of you, but decides that no matter what he would choose you

• sometimes he gets nightmares about his overblot and if he hurt you ):

• pls comfort him during those times

• speaking of comfort, he’s not used to giving (or receiving, for that matter) it so he may be a little awkward if you are upset but he’s really trying

• despite his temper, arguments don’t happen very often between you two

• he’s good about trying to communicate with you if he thinks there’s a potential problem

• will combust if you ever initiate PDA, it’s not that he dislikes it, he just prefers to keep such matters private

• Chen’ya loves to tease him

• Adeuce will try to use you as a scapegoat so they don’t get in as much trouble. It seldom works — Riddle still collars them

• Trey is very happy that Riddle has found someone he trusts and loves

• Cater thinks your relationship dynamic is adorable, and you’ll have to thank him for the candid pictures he gets of you and Riddle

• Riddle might be inexperienced, but he would genuinely do anything for you — even if it breaks the rules

• over all, sweet baby who is really trying his best for you ♡

• literal boyfriend material ™

• he’s such a good boyfriend it’s not even funny

• he’s always making sure you’re taking care of yourself (texts asking if you’ve eaten or have been staying hydrated are not uncommon)

• loves to spoil you with the sweets he makes, always curating it to your preferences

• if you don’t like sweets, that’s okay!! that’s what his unique magic is here for

• common dates for you guys’ include baking, obviously

• does the cute cliche thing where you get flour over each other or frosting on their cheek, kissing it off, basically you guys’ just have fun with it

• even though he’s a sweetheart, he does have a teasing streak — one that you aren’t protected from

• always worried that you’ll find him boring ):

• not a very jealous guy; he trusts you and can read situations really well

• Chen’ya loves to tease him [pt 2]

• Ace and Deuce sees you two as the parents of Heartslabyul, even if you aren’t a member of the dorm

• they will fake gag though if you two ever show PDA

• speaking of PDA, it’s not uncommon but it’s also never anything extreme — usually just hand holding, hugs, cheek kisses, etc.

• Riddle doesn’t outwardly show an opinion of you one way or another, but inside he’s genuinely happy for his childhood friend

• Cater thinks you guys are a cute couple

• Trey is actually really good at comforting people, especially since he has multiple siblings, so he’s always there for you whenever you need a shoulder to lean on

• his presence alone is just really comforting

• arguments are also uncommon because Trey is good at reading your emotions

• they only happen if you’re both stressed, but the issue is resolved relatively quick

• he would also love for you to meet his family and their bakery!! both mean a lot to him, just as you do

• all in all, Trey would be such an amazing boyfriend and you can’t convince me otherwise ♡

• magicam power couple!!

• actually, he wouldn’t post as many pictures of you guys’ as you would think

• don’t get him wrong, he adores showing you off

• but some pictures he just thinks are too personal to share with the world, and he rather leave them for your guys’ eyes only

• that said, he does still take a lot of pictures of you and/or with you

• he can’t help it, he just thinks you’re so beautiful

• matching outfits!!!

• he’s very playful, and is always down to try new things

• he would NEVER push you out of your comfort zone, however

• he’s normally a fan of PDA, never shying away from having you wrapped up in his arms or pressing a cute kiss to your cheek, but he will limit himself to whatever you’re comfortable with

• he’s also not that jealous of a person, because he trusts you and your relationship

• however, there are still moments where his insecurities get to him

• he’ll try to play it off by playfully whining to get your attention, but deep down he really does need that reassurance

• you’re his source of comfort, a place where he doesn’t need to have any mask on, a place where he could be plain ol’ Cater and not be worried about it

• speaking of comfort, he’s great at reading the room and being able to recognize your emotions

• he would try to distract you from whatever is bothering you, but if that doesn’t work, he’ll gladly be there for you to vent your emotions

• arguments are also pretty rare between you guys, but when they happen they can get nasty and hurtful words may be thrown

• usually this just means you two need alone time to cool off, and then you’re able to make up really easily and come to an understanding

• Ace and Deuce can be lowkey disgusted by how lovey-dovey you guys can get, but Cater just finds their reactions funny

• Trey and Riddle would just smile and shake their heads at his antics

• not going to lie, he’s extremely hesitant for you to meet his family

• only because of his sisters though

• he knows they can be pushy and even judgmental at times, and he doesn’t want you to have to deal with that

• in conclusion, Cater is a very fun boyfriend, who also knows when to be serious ♡

• first off, when he realized he had a crush on you, he was in denial, denial, denial

• bro refused to admit he had a crush

• he did finally confess though (probably accidental tbh) and now he’s the brattiest [affectionately] boyfriend out there

• he’s been in a relationship before, but he never caught feelings like this

• his defense mechanism for dealing with this new feeling? teasing the ever-living crap out of you

• just because he’s your boyfriend, don’t think you’re safe from his pranks

• if anything you’ve become his new main target

• he is such a tease; it’ll be rare for him to give you a proper compliment, but it does happen occasionally

• but he would never go too far ( he does sometimes get extremely close to treading the line, tho)

• he would love it if you came to his basketball games though!! you cheering him on would give him even more of a boost to do his best

• he may drag you into trouble with him, but he wouldn’t ditch you

• small arguments are common between you two, but they never last that long

• most of the dates with him will be adventurous or filled with chaos, so be prepared

• he can be chill sometimes as well though, content to simply watch a movie or show with you

• this is especially true if you’re upset

•he’ll try to make you laugh, but if that doesn’t work then it’s one of the few times where he’ll get serious and really try to comfort you, even if it isn’t his strong suit

• he is constantly vying for your attention, so he’s easily jealous

• he’ll be super bratty about it too, always pouting and annoying you even more, instead of admitting his true feelings

• however, if you were ever in trouble, he would be there to protect you in a heartbeat

• is not above beating someone up or pranking them if they bothered you

• when it comes to PDA, he’s pretty open about it

• almost always has his arm draped around your shoulders

• gets even more touchy when he’s jealous

• you’re really close to Deuce as well, which can sometimes spark arguments between him and Ace

• Riddle just hopes you can keep Ace out of trouble

• Trey hopes that as well, for both of your guys’ sakes

• Cater finds your guys’ antics amusing, and will sometimes even record them

• Ace has definitely mentioned you to his brother before, who was shocked to hear that his little brother actually found someone he genuinely likes

• over all, Ace is a really fun boyfriend who may be annoying at times, but he’ll always be there for you and will make you smile ♡

• Deuce is such a sweet boy

• he’s trying so hard to be an honor student, and this mindset bleeds over into him wanting to be the best boyfriend he can for you

• dates with him can be either really exhilarating — such as riding on a blastcycle with him

• or they can be really chill where you guys just hang out and chat

• he’ll be eternally grateful if you help him study, or at least study with him

• he’s easily flustered, and so he may stumble a lot with his actions, but they always have the sweetest intentions

• that said, he would fight to the bitter end to protect your name

• if he ever heard someone talk bad about you, best believe he’s not caring about his “honor student” dream, cause he’s going to fight them

• will also always be there to protect you

• even though his memory may not be the greatest, he’ll try his hardest to remember things you like or don’t like

• when it comes to jealousy… he’s conflicted

• on one hand he trusts you so he knows he shouldn’t feel that way

• but on the other hand he simply can’t help it; those feelings are just inherent to his nature

• chances are he’ll probs become a little more distant when he’s jealous cause he’s worried about messing things up

• this gets resolved relatively quick

• arguments don’t happen very often between you guys’, usually only if there’s was a misunderstanding or stress got to be too much

• Riddle hopes you’ll be a good influence on him

• Trey and Cater are just content that he’s happy

• Ace will tease you guys’ to death, and will act grossed out at the slightest showcasing of affection

• deep down tho, Ace is happy for you guys’ — both of you are his best friends, after all

• your happiness = his happiness

• he’ll try his best to be a gentleman around you

• meaning he avoids PDA in fear of accidentally pushing your boundaries

• when his emotions get the better of him, such as when he’s excited, then he won’t even think about it and will pull you in a hug no matter where you are

•only later does he realize what he did and gets embarrassed

• also, best believe his mom heard all about you before you guys even started dating

• he can’t wait for you to meet her, and it would mean the world if you two got along

• he would cry tears of joy

• in conclusion, Deuce would be an incredibly sweet and protective boyfriend ♡