#to then having people who don’t know me send me asks just belittling my personality because they want to believe they know me

[aimseytv]

do you think that becoming a content creator is worth the negatives that could come with it? (i guess im just conflicted as to if I really want to attempt this when so much could go wrong, if that makes any sense.)

content creation is truly the best job in the world, you’re your own boss and you’re able to talk to people from around the world and create cool things for people to see and it is just genuinely brilliant as it’s brought me to my favourite people in the world

however, with content creation follows the internet, and it’s no shock that the internet is cruel and unkind. if you had asked me this a year ago, id say absolutely! but now im honestly unsure and would recommend you have “thick skin” going into this job (meaning just ensure you are able to handle harsh comments from people who don’t even know you)

i would say yes it’s worth it, but only if you allow yourself set time on the internet and still allow yourself to pursue a healthy lifestyle outside of creation

[jolapeno]

anon, I’m not going to post your ask because I didn’t feel comfy with the wording you used in it. but I’ll answer your question (rephrased)

question: how do you deal with one fic blowing up and another not?

the first thing I want to touch on is that you can’t go around lifting someone up to bring another person down—even if that person is yourself. you can’t go to someone and spell ill on yourself and expect the person you’re sending it to be super chill about it 😂 i do not want you to belittle your writing, whether on anon or not.

you can go to someone and be like “I love how you did X, I’m looking to get better at that” but, watch self-deprecating language (we’re all guilty of it is as humans) but it’s harder for me to even process what you’re saying when you’re on anon. I can’t clarify what you meant, I can only just make an assumption on the language you used.

which is why I didn’t post your ask, and I’m just hoping that I took the point out of it that you wanted to know 🩷✨

when you walk around believing you’re smaller than someone, the only thing you’re doing is telling yourself that you’re smaller than someone. it’s reinforcing a thought that your brain is creating to be mean (brain demons). negativity breeds negativity.

as a blog owner, we should celebrate the highs without fear that others will think bad on us. but the reason I don’t is because of mentalities like this where people assume I think I’m too big for my boots because I reached some pinnacle of followers. try to remember I am a multi-fandom writer, I collect souls as I wander aimlessly through the grass, and also, I’m no less wracked with worry, anxiousness or doubt than most. a number in my followers or on a fic doesn’t solve those problems or how I view myself.

now, to answer the question, I don’t? and I know that seems so easy to say right. like “oh, jo isn’t bothered”, she’s this and that. but the truth is, there’s no explanation. like sometimes, I’m someone’s cup of tea and another I’m not. sometimes I’ll write something people wanna drink up there and then, sometimes they’ll wanna wait, or skip past it. and it’s okay.

I don’t expect anyone to feel forced to read my work, and when they do it’s a blessing. that’s it. the beauty of fanfic and writing and art, is that there’s so much you can find exactly what you want, when you want it.

like, do I want to be beloved? yes, I want tattoos of peoples faces on me (haha, I kid, Pedro interview moment I promise). but I obviously want to connect with people, I want my writing to matter. but I try not to get hung up on it connecting on a scale — I just want to tell stories of people falling in love. I want people to be able to escape, and that isn’t represented in notes, that isn’t represented in numbers or anything. that’s a feeling, and I can’t measure that.

and I preach this a lot, but you have to find your people. the people who will want your particular style and swallow it up. the ones that connect with you when you stay true to who you are.

anyone can write a piece, but no one can write it like you. you can give five writers the same one line prompt and we’ll all interpret it differently. y’know?

now, do I sometimes sit all disgruntled that the fic snapped from a piece of my heart isn’t doing “well” (whatever that even means), of course! I am human.

but what I don’t do, is pick a part why that is. I just try to remember that this is what I wanted to write, this made me happy (or helped me work through things) or that (when the imposter syndrome passes) it’ll be something I want to read.

for instance, I am not a confident smut writer. smut does really well. I don’t actively avoid writing it, but I try to make it less of a focus on what I’m doing, because even if it does well, I am not good at it. and I never feel as proud of it.

however, there are times I have this idea and it’s smut and I literally harass friends with my idea before even attempting it—but again, I didn’t write it because smut does well here. I wrote it because the idea was stuck in my head 😂. I don’t expect it to do well, because going back to my first sentence, I am not a confident smut writer. the notes on it, mean nothing. what does mean something is me and my bestie screaming about what a slut I am and how proud she is of me 😂, that means more to me.

so to summarise, it’s hard to not be bothered, if you spend time looking at numbers. it’s a tough cookie to bite into it. but you have to find a core reason why you wanna do what you do, and keep that at the centre of you.

be dejected (if you need to be) when you stare at it and wonder why it didn’t “blow up”, but don’t let that fester inside of you, don’t let it stop you from writing. hold the reason you want to do this and remember that.

plus, every day you become a better writer, even if you don’t write every single day. you learn new words, see new inspo, hear new conversations. so, there’s always the next one, if notes are something you’re seeking.

love, jo 🩷✨

[apompkwrites]

I really don’t like using all caps with bold, but this fells needed just incase. Just as I was about to sleep this came out of my brain.

———

HEAVY TW FOR SUICIDE TOXIC INTERNET BLAMING ONES ACTIONS/LACK IF ACTION PROBABLY SOME OTHER STUFF

Galaling final live stream curtain call: a falling star. Galaling has tear tracks on their face, their eyes puffy and red, but they seem so calm. They address the audience of their livestream that they’re doing from their phone. They say that because it is curtain call, it is time for them to take their final bow and become a falling star. People watching then notice that the wind is strong and is messing with Galaling’s hair. Some people are complaining, wondering why they were doing a livestream just to end right away.

Despite the good mic on Galaling’s phone, one could still hear the strong wind. Galaling’s voice is carefully neutral. Their face has a small smile, but it feels more… mocking… belittling… They begin to list some of their final “acts and scenes” in the stage play that is their life. It tells of how horrible they feel and how they felt like a failure and everyone calling them such and how they felt isolated in their own “family”. Then they say that they are now shooting the final scene of the final act of their stage play that is their life.

They were moving the whole time, walking, pacing back and forth. Eventually, they stop. They adjust their camera to stand on its own and move farther away from it. The wind is blowing through their clothes and hairs. It seems cinematic. The stars are just starting to shine from above. Galaling is facing the camera, full body now in view. The sunset shines from behind them.

Some would call the scene beautiful and organic. Some would be calling Galaling dramatic and mock their “acting” and ask why they’re(Galaling) wasting their(some audience) time. Maybe a few people notice just where Galaling is standing. Or more specifically, what height they are probably standing at. There’s no guardrails.

Galaling thanks the livestream for attending their show. Tells them they have it set up for the livestream to end automatically. Tells them that it’s time for them to take their final bow. And tells them that it’s finally their time to be a star like the rest of their family. But not one in the sky that shines down upon others, but a falling one. Still facing the camera, they take a deep bow. As they stand back up, they don’t stop. They fall backwards. They fall. And they’re gone. The livestream ends on the sunset.

People on the internet are torn. Some calling the livestream fake and for attention. Some are concerned for Galaling’s safety. Some are calling Galaling evil and cruel for doing such a thing for attention. Some are wondering about Galaling’s words.

Vil’s DMs are blowing up. When his sibling said they had a show that night, he didn’t think anything of it, even though he hadn’t heard of them getting a new role. He just said for them to not mess up. That they’re a schoendjkrsbjys(I can’t spell) and to act like one and be a star. Those were his last words to them. Not even in person. Just a text. He wonders what he could’ve done to change the ending.

PUTTING HERE AGAIN FOR THOSE WHO LIKE TO SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN THROUGH THE OLDEST POSTS. HEAVY TW FOR SUICIDE TOXIC INTERNET BLAMING ONES ACTIONS/LACK IF ACTION PROBABLY SOME OTHER STUFF

———

Yep.

Right when I was about to sleep/nap. Of course, if you’re uncomfortable with this, you don’t have to reply to it >.< I know some subjects make folks uncomfortable and I totally get it if you don’t wanna answer! Your comfort is more important than answering an ask!

- Heartbeat Anon

hhh gives me shinsei kamattechan vibes D:

just the idea that the lil schoenheit feels no other way to escape the life they have and thus resorts to this. they send their final message to vil and go live, offering a final goodbye to everyone.

they thank the very few fans in the comments section for their support despite the fact they didn't deserve it. they thank the critics for enlightening them on the fact that they just weren't meant for this life.

and they thank their brother and father, wishing them well for their careers.

as the sun begins to set behind them, they take a bow, and swing back to disappear over the ledge, leaving their chat with nothing but the setting sun, the stars beginning to shine to welcome the newest fallen star.

so many people change their tune, expressing their disappointment with society while sending condolences to the schoenheit family. they don't care that they are being called out by others for their cruel behavior. they can just claim its fake, after all.

imagine vil entering the livestream in its final moments, watching his younger sibling fall to their death, his message of "wait for me" still in the text box and his thumb just above the send button.

[ollyou]

Sorry another non-art post but I wanted to point out to some very disrespectful people that this is NOT an art only account > <“

This account was actually made to be mostly rambles, and just because I like pmtok and center most of my stuff around olly doesnt mean thats all i do either! I never wanted to be a pmtok-only artist; i just draw what i want to rather than what other people like to see

I’m a rambler at heart and if you dont like that then you shouldnt follow me, or just mute #rambling !! Alternatively if you don’t want to see any negative posts, mute #negative ^_^

Tbh as someone who has never had an anonymous ask box before joining the pmtok fandom, stuff like this just comes off as really mean and dehumanizing?? Please unfollow me if you have a mindset like this. I constantly tell people to just send me fun asks and stop trying to order me around like a slave and then people who claim to follow me pull this…. 😓 I hope you know that if you think you’re entitled to my artwork and can tell me to “shut the fuck up” for simply speaking how I feel about the constant harassment the toxic side of the fandom has given me and my friends/mutuals, I do not like you and you’re not allowed to enjoy my art tbh….

There is no “we”, just this rude person who likes to pretend they are a fan. But no fan acts like this. I want my fanbase to be a nice and welcoming place full of gentle and friendly people, not entitled bullies who treat me like their slave. Keep it to yourself if you don’t enjoy my rambling, please, or just unfollow/mute the tags I appropriately place for these sorts of posts <3

I blocked this anon immediately after screenshotting this but tbh I’m not sure if that blocks their actual account too… cause I wanna make sure they can’t view my account if all they want to do is dehumanize me. Idk it’s really weird how this fandom acts sometimes which is why I’m so strict with my dni and byf stuff but people don’t listen most of the time…. Agh!!

I make one post telling the people harassing and stalking me for several months if not years to leave me and my friends alone, and these people suddenly get the idea I’m just an art-making machine…. It’s frustrating but in the end I just want to receive nice anon asks. I appreciate all the friendly anons!! Thank you so much. You make my days so much better. I feel bad that sometimes I can’t respond to them, but I read them all. I save them all. I love them all <:)

But yeah… please unfollow me if you’re unwilling to just mute my #rambling and #negative tags when all you do is complain I don’t post art enough…. Also idk, if you want me to post more art then…? Why not you compliment my art? What’s the point of not ever supporting my art when I post it, then complaining and belittling me when I don’t post it? That’s why I block these people. Very very disrespectful.

I know it’s best to just ignore this stuff! And I do. I ignore a lot of it. It is quite annoying, but I ignore it so I can give the nice people room to speak. It’s really rare that I actually speak up about this stuff tbh. I’m almost positive these are all just the same few people block evading me via VPN anyway hahahah. Especially since I’ve seen them do that, too.

Also, I do recognize it’s very likely no one will read this all the way. But I usually don’t write things expecting people to read them! I mostly write stuff for myself, like a journal of some sorts. :D It’s probably a bit weird when I advertise my art and whatnot too, but y’know. I don’t want my tumblr blog to be just… some soulless art dump. I’m not looking for attention, just respect, I guess.

Ah, in the end I’m sure those bullies will use this to fuel their constant harassment of me anonymously (because they too cowardly to hate me normally, I guess), but tbh they just kind of… complain about a singular post I’ll make for the first time in forever for days straight and act like that type of post is all I make, so I guess there’s no appeasing them. Not that I even want to make happy the people who treat me as subhuman.

Idk why people are so entertained by being assholes, but maybe that’s just the naive part of me thinking! I’m no grown adult or anything. In my head I am just a little baby still learning about the online world as I was raised very sheltered from all that stuff and avoided toxicity wherever I went… 💦 I am a tumblr baby! Sorry..!

Ah!!!! Rambling too much. Hahah. Thank you for reading. Hey, if you got this far, why not you send me a friendly anon message? Gotta clean out all the garbage from within my inbox, though I think I’ve done a pretty good job at it as is.

I will post again when I have something to say or more art to share!!!!

[kriegborderlands-moved]

Pretty lame move on ur bf's part to assume I'm fetishizing fatness and then when I stand up for myself, replying to and blocking me before I have a chance to respond. I didn't even get to read his response, I saw the notif on my phone and opened it up and his comments are gone and I can't find his account. If he assumes everyone means him harm and then blocks them before they can explain themselves they are forever cemented in his mind as being harmful which will just lead to him thinking that more and more people mean him harm and he will live out a sad, lonely and terrified existence. For his sake I hope he cultivates a thicker skin as it's is important to living. Being able to be uncomfortable but still open to people and ideas is imperative to learning stuff from others. For my part, I was joking about love handles because I think it's funny to not know parts of the body with weird names that are often critisized and used to shame people. I didn't know what hip dips were until I was 19. I knew that love handles were something in the lower torso to upper thigh region but I wasn't sure until you told me today. I pride myself on not having much body issues (appart from gender things) and very consiously not judging people on their bodies. I genuinely don't understand how he got fetishization or thinking fatness is dirty from me joking about not knowing the meaning of a word.

I'd actually love to be told how what I said was interpretted that way, so I can avoid from doing something similar in the future. So if you or he want to tell me I'd genuinely really appreciate it. I like learning and I don't like hurting people's feelings.

That's literally all I asked for, to know what went wrong for my message to be misinterpretted. The heart might have come across as sarcastic, but I was trying to mimic the energy of his reply.

Sorry if this is an overwhelming text wall, I just get really upset when this happens because I don't know what I did wrong and I want to be more informed but people just block me and I have no way to stop feeling like I'm secretly a bad person and just don't know it. Also the first paragraph is kind of meanly worded, it was the first thing I wrote and I was still really mad. I reworked some of it to not be as mean but I still believe in the point I was trying to make.

first of all never put an essay this big in my ask box again. i’m dead serious i will just block anyone else who does this because i have a life and shit to do and do not want to spend my time on internet arguments.

secondly, it was a positivity post about something that is frequently insulted and belittled. just google love handles and see what comes up. REALLY not the time to make jokes.

my boyfriend states “Tell them that like. I’ve been antagonized enough so the whole “sh sh sh I don’t want to know” came across as if talking about fatness was something that had to be silenced because it was taboo or was being treated like it was some disgusting kink that had to be shielded from the public’s eyes.”

third, you’re insulting my boyfriend (whether you realize it or not) so if youre expecting me to just calmly approach this, youre dead wrong. speaking of which, really interesting that you’re saying my bf needs a thicker skin when he’s been subject to fatphobia his entire life, and then when he blocks you you send me this.

this is in fact a really weird thing to send someone. my bf can block whoever the fuck he wants and thats his business alone. and if you feel guilty about it that is not his or my problem. quite frankly the only emotion i feel right now is annoyance. i am not interested in continuing this conversation further

[jmagnabo92]

S&H Bonding - The Worst Date Ever

When Cho drops hints about what she'd like to do with Harry on Valentine's Day, he reaches out to Sirius for help. Unfortunately, discussions don't matter much when Hermione's Quibbler plan throws everything out-of-whack.Warning: I am critical of Hermione and her actions here. Don't come at me.

AO3

***

Sirius laughs as Bill hands him another note from Harry after the lesson with Snape.  He already heard all about it from Harry, but Bill’s still in the dark about the mirror, thankfully.

“Was it bad?” Remus asks as Sirius opens the note.

Dear Pads,

It just occurred to me that Valentine’s Day is so much worse when you have a girlfriend.  What am I supposed to do or get her?  She keeps hinting that if I buy the right thing, it’ll go perfectly with her plans for the evening – what does that even mean?  She hinted about bubbles?

Send help.

Love, your kid, Harry

Sirius snorts.  This kid is a mess with dating and it’s hilarious.

“Care to share?” Remus asks, breaking off his focus from Bill who was sharing the way Snape had started to belittle Harry and mock him for letting him get in and see his memories of snogging Cho in various places around the castle.  Bill had stepped in, but Snape found ways to mock Harry anyway.

Sirius grins, “Harry’s girlfriend wants to have a sexual relationship with him in what I could only assume is the prefects’ bathroom based on the comment of ‘bubbles’ as a hint if he gets the date right.  Send help he says.”

Bill and Remus burst out laughing.

“You sure he’s ready for that?”  Remus asks.  “I mean, they’ve been dating for months, but he’s kind of behind…”

Sirius shrugs.  “To be honest, are we ever really ready for it?”

“No, but – but I think there’s a big difference here,” Remus counters.  “You literally just gave him the sex talk.”

“Fair point, but the twins were there, too, and they’ve definitely had sex,” Sirius retorts.

Bill frowns.  “I always assumed they knew everything.”

“I think they did,” Sirius states.  “Just wanted in on the conversation, maybe to help ease things along for Harry.  I mean, Harry was pretty quick to let them in and seemed relieved that they’d make jokes whenever he looked particularly embarrassed.”

“Ah, maybe they were trying to make up for what happened at the start of the holidays – even since they got banned from quidditch,” Bill offers.  “I know they haven’t reacted well to Harry’s defense of you over mum and dad.”

Sirius nods.  “Most people don’t understand, but Harry’s my kid and I’m his parent – your parents are nice people, they gave him jumpers and food, but it’s just not the same…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Bill offers.  “I know – I see the two of you together and it’s obvious.  Plus, you’re the one that has constantly supported him.”

Sirius smiles.  “Thank you.  It’s been hard to deal with people who state otherwise, and I appreciate the help now.”

“Good.”

“So, what are you going to tell him?” Remus questions.

“Er – I don’t know.”  Sirius frowns.  

He knows that Cho’s been leading the entire relationship, and that Harry’s definitely a bit unsure about things.  He could tell Harry that he shouldn’t do it, but his kid might just do it because Sirius tells him not to.  He could suggest that Harry’s not ready (because Sirius isn’t sure that he is), but that would just make Harry want to prove that he is ready – even when he isn’t.  

“I suppose that I could just advise him on what the bubble comment means,” Sirius shrugs.  “Ultimately, it has to be his choice and he wouldn’t be the first person to have a first time he’s not ready for.”

“True,” Bill states.  “Still, since it sounds like your first time might not have been something you were ready for – maybe you could…”

Sirius clears his throat.  “Nope, can’t do that.”

“Why not?  It’s not a big deal – obviously, he’s okay talking about sex with you…”

“Nope – nope.  Just trust me.  I can’t tell him – it would be … just awful.”

Given that Harry has no idea about Sirius’ relationship with James and the awkwardness of explaining the way they tumbled into bed that first time, Sirius absolutely could not tell Harry about his first time.

Remus is giving him a look, “Was it…?”

“Yes, and that’s exactly why I can’t tell him,” Sirius says, giving him a look.  “And given he’s the only one…”

“Damn, you’re always so lucky.  The only person you’ve been with is the love of your life,” Remus says, jealously.  

Sirius gives him a disgruntled look.  “Yeah, I’m so lucky.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Remus grimaces and goes silent.

Bill’s frowning across from them, “Okay, one of you has to explain.”

Sirius shakes his head, but Remus says, “Just tell him – you know that he won’t judge you.”

“Oh, fine,” Sirius sighs, when he sees Bill nod.  “It’s kind of a unique situation.  See, Lily and I were as close as James and I were – so, she knew that I fancied him, even though I didn’t tell her, and she saw us a few times while we were hiding our relationship in sixth year.  In seventh, when it was clear that James did still fancy Lily, too, I – I told him that he should give it a try when she asked him out.  That he had to date her to know that it was me he wanted to be with –”

“How could she do that to you?” Bill asks, appalled.  “You said she was your friend.”

Sirius is taken aback; he hadn’t even considered what Lily had been thinking trying to get James to herself if it wasn’t for the fact that she always wanted to share him.  She’d only asked knowing that she intended to share the whole time.  

“Er – well, she – er – she always planned for what happened,” Sirius states, noting Bill’s frown.  “Which is that she knew that I’d give James my blessing to find out and if everything went well that she’d be able to tell us her master plan.”

“Master plan?”

“To share him,” Sirius states, thinking about that moment when Lily pulled them both up into the dorm and said that they needed to talk.

Sirius had been avoiding even looking in either of their directions for two weeks and had immediately told her that there was nothing to talk about.

“Don’t lie to me, Si.  We both know that you’ve been heartbroken ever since I asked James out,” Lily states, plainly.

“Not true,” Sirius chokes out.  “It’s just – I’ve had a lot going on.  Wanted to catch up on homework.”

“Please, I’m not stupid.  You’ve been my best friend for ages – I know you.  I know that you’re in love with James,” Lily states, crossing her arms as she stands in front of the door.  

Sirius coughs.  He couldn’t deny it and one glance at James says that he’s still in love with Sirius, too.

“And I know that James is in love with you, and yet, he still went out with me because you’re some sort of self-sacrificing masochist,” Lily states.

“I am not – I just – I couldn’t hold him back.  He’s fancied you for ages – and yeah, we’ve … had fun together, but if he’s happier with you – I just I want him to be happy.  That’s how this works, right?  I love him, a lot, and they say when you love someone – all you want is for them to be happy.  I love James,” Sirius states, giving him a loving look, before turning to look at Lily.  “And I want him to be happy – and if that’s not with me, if that’s with you… well, he found an amazing girl.  He’s got great taste.  You’ll take great care of him.”

Lily’s got tears in her eyes, obviously touched.  “You’re such a dunce.  Didn’t you think that there’s a reason that I’m confronting you right now?”

“Yeah, to warn me that you know about our past and –”

“No because I want to share James,” Lily states.

“What?” Sirius and James ask together.  Evidently, Sirius isn’t the only one that is being thrown for a loop here.  

“You – you want to share me?” James asks, speaking quickly.  “Like I could – have both of you?”

He looks eager at the possibility, and Sirius could admit his own eagerness.  

“Well, yeah,” Lily chuckles.  “What kind of best friend would I be if I stole your boyfriend away and didn’t consider your feelings on the matter?”

“I – well, I – you knew?” Sirius questions.

“Oh, come on, like all those times you talked him up to me and I’m meant to believe that I shouldn’t have picked up that you were mooning over him,” Lily smiles.  “I know you pretty damn well, Si.  And I know that this won’t be easy, but I also know that I really fancy James and I love you, platonically.  And I know that you love James and love me – differently, obviously.  And I – I really think James wants to make a go of it with me, but he’s totally gone on you, so…”

Sirius wipes away his tears.  “Yeah – I mean, I’m game.”  He looks at James and opens his mouth to ask him what his thoughts are when suddenly James is kissing him.  

He missed kissing James over the last two weeks, so he doesn’t hesitate to kiss him back.  

After several moments, he hears, “Guess I’ll leave you two alone now – you can have him tonight, but tomorrow, he’s mine.”

He breaks away just long enough to say, “Deal,” before refocusing on his boyfriend.  Now, his again.

“Earth to Sirius,” Remus says, waving a hand in front of his face.  

“Er – sorry,” Sirius shakes his head.  “Anyway, ‘bout two weeks of dating James and she offers to share him with me.  Something about how James and I were gone on each other, but James also fancied her – Lily and I were best friends and – and it just made sense.  I mean, if I weren’t gay, she’d probably of tried a true threesome, but I am – so sharing was the best she’d get.”

“Why – why doesn’t anyone know?” Bill questions, clearly accepting the different relationship.

“Because I’m a Black or I was … well, I never got to marry him, but I always considered myself a Potter.”  He clears his throat.  “With being in the Order, Lily as a muggleborn and me as a Black – they were targets because they were my friends.  If anyone knew about the situation – I just couldn’t take the chance.”

Sirius shakes his head, looking down at his locket.  “Not that It matters – they became the biggest targets in the war anyway.”  

He doesn’t have to finish with what happened.  Obviously, the war ended in devastation and that’s the end of their story.

“I’m sorry,” Bill states.  “I thought it was bad before, now…”  He pauses, and gets a confused look on his face, “Harry doesn’t know?”

Sirius shakes his head.  “I don’t really know how to tell him, and they aren’t here so, he doesn’t need to know, but yeah, I can’t tell him that the only person – not just our first time – that I had sex with is his father.”

“Fair,” Bill states.  “Maybe I could try talking to him.  You know, I regret my first time – I was inexperienced, I barely knew her, but I had been interested because I heard all about how great it was – so I rushed into it.”

“I’m sure teenage hormones helped,” Sirius teases.

“Oh, definitely,” Bill jokes.  “But yeah, I definitely rushed, and I wish I’d waited somewhat.  The second person that I slept with was much better.  At least I had a connection and had discovered more about myself to be comfortable.”

“Well, you do see him every week.  Maybe you could talk to him?” Sirius offers.  Obviously, Sirius’ll try to talk to Harry about gifts, and the special date since it’s also their six-months ‘anniversary’ and Valentine’s Day.

“Of course.  You going to write a note back?” Bill asks.  

“Of course.”

Dear Kid,

First things first, I might suggest that bubbles means that she likes to get clean, maybe even with you.  

Second, you don’t need help.  You’re going to be just fine.  Plan a date, make her something nice, buy her some candy and flowers, and remember that it’s also been six months on the fourteenth.  Just try and be romantic, but also be yourself.

Don’t focus on being the perfect boyfriend or whatever plans that she may or may not have, just do your best and if things happen and you’re ready for those things… then, let things fall where they may.  

Love, your Pads.  

“There – some basic advice.  Hopefully, it helps.”

“I’m sure it will.”

***

Sirius had spoken with Harry extensively about his preparations for his Valentine’s Day and hoped the day would go well for him.  Given that he knows of Cho’s after date plans, Sirius figures that Harry will be busy all day and thus, pours himself a drink since he’s alone today.

Sirius hadn’t expected to hear from Harry today, given the holiday, he quite expected that Harry would sneak off and be a normal teenager with his girlfriend, and he’d hear about how it went tomorrow, instead, just after dinner, he hears his mirror going off.

“Hey kid, thought you’d be busy today,” Sirius states, peering into the mirror uncertainly.

“Yeah, well, it must’ve been the worst date in world,” Harry states, looking miserable.

“Why?  You and Cho have been getting along splendidly.  She liked your Christmas present, and I told you about the romance and stuff… she clearly had a plan…”

“Yeah, well, apparently, Hermione had some bright idea to force me to talk to Rita Skeeter about what happened in the Graveyard.  Only she didn’t tell me that.  She just told me that it was really important, and I had to meet her at noon at the Three Broomsticks.  Wouldn’t take no for answer.”

“Oh, no, Kid,” Sirius groans.  “Didn’t she think we would’ve come up with that idea on our own if you were ready to talk about it?  And in the middle of your date, too?  A very special date that she would obviously know about?”

“Of course she didn’t.  Or she did and just didn’t care – she’s not a fan of Cho, so it’s probably the second option.  Especially given that she’s not exactly known for caring about all that.  She has an idea, and you have to agree, or she’ll badger you about it.”  Harry shakes his head, furiously.  “Apparently though, that wasn’t the worst part.  The Slytherins were determined to cause grief by seeing Cho and I together and bringing up Cedric, who we haven’t exactly talked about in a while, and I thought we were doing okay, and suddenly she wanted to talk about him…”

“And because of what happened and all the stuff with the Azkaban breakout and what not, you’re not exactly anxious to talk about that on a date,” Sirius finishes for him.  Maybe Cho isn’t as ready for next steps with Harry as she thinks.

“Exactly.  So to distract from that situation, I bring up meeting Hermione and – and I don’t even know what happened.  Next thing I know she’s talking about her and Cedric dating and then she mentioned Roger Davies asking her out and we’re at this horrid tea shop and she’s crying and then she just took off all upset.”

“Aw, kid, she was trying to make you jealous because she’s jealous of Hermione,” Sirius states.  That much he’s absolutely sure of.  Cho has been jealous of Hermione since the beginning of term, as evidence by all of the arguing, and Harry bringing up meeting her in the middle of their special date probably provoked those barely hidden jealous feelings.

“What?  Why?  She’s just my friend.  And we’ve talked about it – I mean, I’ve been with her since September…”

“She’s a girl who’s been by your side for years, and you literally told her that you would cut your date short so you could go see her,” Sirius explains.  “A very special date, I might add.”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“I know, believe me – I do.  It’s just to her, she doesn’t get it so… that’s where her mind jumped to.”

Harry sighs, “So, what do I do?”

“Get her a present, some flowers and sweets, and write her an apology note explaining what happened.  Send it with Hedwig and give her some time to accept it.”  Sirius pauses, “Your dad always used to make these glass flowers that would start as a seed and grow into her favorite flower until Saturday when it would start all over again.  Since it’s glass, it can’t die – maybe I can tell you how to do that?”

Harry smiles, “That – that would be great.”

“But before I do that – do you want to talk about what’s going on with what Hermione did?” Sirius questions.  Given Harry’s reaction to the other kids eavesdropping on Christmas Eve, it would make sense that Harry’s not exactly thrilled about Hermione trying to force him to talk – it’s like she learned nothing from Harry spending days as Snuffles to avoid talking to any of them.  

“It was fine.”

“Kid, don’t lie to me.  It can’t have been easy to deal with Skeeter, let alone answering all of her probing questions about the most traumatic event in your life.  One you barely want to talk to me about let alone anyone else.”

“I don’t know why I bother to try and downplay things to you,” Harry mutters.

“I don’t either – we both know I know you well enough to read between the lines.”  Sirius would chuckle, but this isn’t exactly the right time.

Harry sighs.  “Fine, it was awful.”

“That’s better.  Go on.”

“I was reeling from the Cho thing, and I show up – there’s Hermione with Skeeter and Luna.  Apparently, she had decided that the only way that we could get people to understand what happened last year and be on my side was for me to tell Skeeter everything and let her question me about every last detail of what happened.”

“Go on, tell me what everything.”

And he does.  Harry explains how he reiterated everything that he’d been through – naming names and giving the excruciating details of everything he’d been through.  He’d spent hours being grilled with Skeeter making jokes about how she’s really better off writing an article people want to read – ie, him having some sort of psychotic break from reality due to being in the tournament and wanting to kill for the win and then, reacting badly to being able to follow through.  

Hermione had been blackmailing Skeeter with being an Animagus, which caused her to agree to writing the story with the truth and only the truth.  It still put Harry in a position to tell everyone everything he’d been through when he didn’t want to talk about it and with zero support.  Absolutely no consideration about Harry’s feelings at all.  It makes Sirius absolutely furious.

“You know, I don’t even know how I feel about any of it – I don’t feel better.  I don’t think I even care if those who haven’t believed in me all this time believe me because I had to relive the worst night of my life – and it is the worst night because it’s replaced the moment of hearing my parents dying for me when I was a baby when I ran into the Dementors this summer.”  Harry’s angry – rightfully so.  

“I am so sorry, kid.  I wish that I could help you – do something, anything, but I can’t.”

“I know – I just … what am I going to do when people react to what I went through?  And did Hermione think about how I’m affected by this?  Or how Cho might be affected?  I – I haven’t even been able to work up the nerve to tell her and now, it’s like I’m saying I don’t care about her feelings on the situation, and she deserves better than that.”

“I agree.”

“I just – I feel devastated that my best friend thought this was an okay situation to put me in.  That she thought the greater good of everyone knowing was more important than my feelings on the matter.  I already told the DA and my friends more than once that I didn’t want to talk about it, and she goes and does this?”  Harry shakes his head.  “I thought we were friends, I thought I mattered more to her.  It just – it feels like I don’t.”

Sirius aches to be able to reassure Harry and give him a hug.  Take him away from everything, but before he could think of something that would help, he and Harry hear a knock on the door.  Harry hides the mirror in his bag, but it’s still activated, so Sirius can hear everything.

“Harry?”

“Cho, and Luna, what are you –”

“I brought Cho here,” Luna, obviously, states.  “It became very apparent to me that you had no idea what Hermione had planned, and I felt it was very unfair, so I wanted to apologize and give you the opportunity to explain to Cho what happened when I saw how upset she was.  I assumed neither of you knew.”

Harry clears his throat.  “Thank you, Luna, I had no idea.  She just told me it was important and made me promise, which I shouldn’t have done, and if I had known what it was for – I wouldn’t have.”

“What was it for?” Cho asks, icily.  Clearly still upset.

Harry takes a deep breath. “Hermione has been keeping Skeeter from writing bad articles about us due to discovering that Skeeter is a beetle Animagus, it’s how she obtains her information illegally by spying on them.”

“Blackmail?  Wow, when I thought she couldn’t sink any lower,” Cho scoffs.  “Why does that matter?”

“Because after the breakout at Azkaban, Hermione had the bright idea to make Skeeter write everything that happened honestly after the third task – and have Luna’s father publish it in the Quibbler.  She reached out to both and then this morning insisted that I meet them (well, her) at noon at the three broomsticks so I could…. Tell my story…”

Harry trails off and there’s silence for several moments.

“You mean, she blindsided you with woman who has ruined your reputation and is the reason no one believes you in the first place to force you to tell the world about one of the worst nights of your life?” Cho demands.  Obviously, Harry nods because the next second, Cho yells, “I’m going to kill her!”

Clearly taken aback, “You can’t kill her, but yes, I am angry with her.”

“Not angry enough.  She ruined our date and anniversary to force you to relive your trauma to the one person that is the reason you’ve been going through such hell this year.  Skeeter started this and – and Hermione – no, no this is not okay.”  

What follows is a clearly angry Cho storming out of the room, And Luna offering, “I thought I could set you up with a make-up date and give you the chance to approve the article…” she obviously hands him something, “let me know if you approve.  Sorry, again.”

And silence reigns.

Harry clearly shoves the prewritten articles into his bag and pulls the mirror back out.  “Er – I don’t know how much you heard, but I – er – I need to intervene.  Talk to you later?”

“Of course, later kid, good luck.”

***

Sirius would have loved to have been a student in the Gryffindor common room that evening when Neville, upon hearing what Hermione had done, had given Cho the password into the dorm allowing her to berate Hermione about the situation in front of everyone.  Of course, Hermione hadn’t taken it sitting down, meaning that there had been an all-out row smack dab in the middle of the common room.

Harry had arrived fairly quickly afterward, and so had McGonagall when another prefect felt it was their responsibility to do something but didn’t agree with Hermione enough to speak up for her.  The row had ended when McGonagall insisted the three of them accompany her to her office.

According to Harry, many students and even McGonagall had been appalled by Hermione’s lack of concern for Harry’s feelings on the matter and ambushing him with the idea despite the fact that many of them wanted to know what happened that night (and felt that Harry should tell everyone what happened, clearly not caring about his feelings, either).  Hippocrates.

Although she didn’t condone Cho’s behavior, either, she could understand where they were both coming from.  Hermione had wanted to help the greater good, while Cho had been solely focused on her boyfriend.  The end of the discussion resulted in detention for both (for causing a scene), and McGonagall reminding Harry that it is his choice to do the article, but there are pros and cons to both options and to truly consider it.  

Harry had spent the better part of the next three days debating back and forth (and not speaking to Hermione) before he admitted to Sirius, “I think I should do it, but I don’t want Hermione to feel vindicated.”

Sirius nods, “You’re worried that it will affect the public’s perception and as a result, she’ll feel that she did the right thing – that it is okay to sacrifice your feelings and to do things that greatly affect you without consulting you.”

Harry nods.  “But I – so many people have come up to me asking if those rumors were true, that I spoke to a reporter to tell all, and that they’ve all been wondering and that it would help them believe me.”

Sirius frowns, “And what have you said to these nosy gits?”

“Nothing because Cho immediately took points and the twins or Ron and Neville declared that they’re the next target of the twins’ pranks for daring to even approach me about the situation.”  Harry states, trying not to laugh.  “Seamus has literally asked every day and has been pranked every day.  I don’t think that’s helping.”

“It does make you feel a bit better, though, doesn’t it?” Sirius questions with a smile.

Harry nods.  “It does, but it also helps me feel like it’s going to help our side.  I’d really like to do anything that hurts Voldemort and given that I – you know, I already did the hard part…”

“It’s your choice.  I support you, no matter what.”

Harry smiles.  “Best Pads in the world.”

“Helps that I have world’s best kid,” Sirius grins.  

“I should go, I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

[amalyze]

It’s been a while. Depression sucks. I feel like I’m living with narcississ/around them daily. Always so demanding, having to walk on egg shells, everything is their way or it’s not good enough. My dad calls constantly and with his dementia he leaves me nasty voicemails if I don’t answer the second he calls. My getting my daughter breakfast and on the bus isn’t anywhere near as important as him swearing at me is first thing in the morning because he didn’t take his medication on time and is having a fit about something. My mom guilt trips me and has to check on me even if I’m not well she has to call every half hour to make sure I’m okay. I can’t rest because people will not pitch in and take care of anything. I have to organize everything and when I ask for help there’s some excuse as to why they can’t mostly because they are too busy and can’t be bothered. I’m the one people call to run and jump because every day SOMETHING is an emergency for someone. I just don’t want to wake up in the mornings anymore because I’m so triggered by everyone going off on me. It sets me up for a bad day. I can’t breathe anymore. I’m just so smothered by people and all they want is to have me do all the things for them, planning, scheduling, driving, caring for… I need a break. Is it even normal to get an average of 52 phone calls daily? Most of which being the same people calling over and over and over again back to back leaving multiple messages over a minute long. Doesn’t matter if I set designated days and times to call people and create boundaries for myself because they are always pushed aside and when I’ve had enough I’m the bad guy. I’m the one who is all upset and treating people poorly and shouldn’t be acting out in such a manner. I should know better. I should do better. I should be better. I just need a break. I need people to respect me but they probably don’t even see me as a person that they could even try to treat decently. I’m so tired. Then I read books on narcissistic behavior and it basically says to take care of yourself because you can’t make people change and they will just continue to belittle and berate you. Nice to know there’s nothing you can actually do to fix it. I’m so tired of it all. How can so many damn lives fall apart an hour after waking up every single morning because I’m not there to do it all? And if I say no, I get calls from others about how dare I and how awful I am to family and need to get a grip, they just need help and clearly it’s my responsibility. If I avoid they send the police looking even if I say my phone will be off for one day. Police get mad and tell me I need to respond to my family and not avoid them, I’m so lucky I have them, I should be more grateful… and I would be grateful too if I had time to myself, for myself, regularly, but I don’t. Because I’m not allowed. Because I don’t matter. And that’s my depressed rant for tonight. I don’t want to deal with this crap again tomorrow. Ugh.

[impossiblesuitcase]

I hope you’re okay impossiblesuitcase <3 While I don’t want to be involved in this controversy/ discussion nor give my input, I wanted to tell you that your opinions are also valid. I don’t believe simple things someone chooses to do should define who they are as a person, but at the same time I suppose everyone has their own opinion/take on matters that I will not interfere with. From what I’ve seen of your account, you don’t seem to be racist, especially since you seem to have quite the knowledge on cultural aspects of the characters, but that’s just my pov. I agree that certain actions are unacceptable and should not be supported, however I also think that pointing fingers should have its limits. My parents are people of color too and they listen to swift’s music when it comes on the radio, but they are not racist. They do not even know of the issues surrounding the artist, and I wouldn’t go as to say they are expected to educate themselves on her. I think the other user has some points about the singer that I did not previously know of, which I must say did change my image of her, and I think their view on the matter is also valid. However, I think the way they bring awareness to the issue is also problematic in some way, or could at least come off as very harsh. My socials teacher once said that one of the best ways to get to problematic people is to invite them in a way, not start flaming them because that just adds to the fire and conflict. I fear I’ve said too much, but I’m not on anyone’s side necessarily. But I hope you’re alright from the suddenness because I don’t think you had any ill intent when interacting with their account

Thanks for reaching out.

As I previously mentioned, I'm not a blind follower who believes that celebrities are infallible, and certainly not Taylor Swift. I'm not defending her actions, but I don't think that blame should be shifted onto users in the tlc fandom--a completely irrelevant fandom.

I understand that that user was hurt by Taylor's actions and the association with her that several users in the tlc fandom have. That is their right and I don't want it to seem that I am belittling or dismissing their feelings. I simply don't want to get involved, and my innocuous reblogging of their posts (without knowing they blocked me), does not merit a slander spree against me. If they say I'm racist--I know I'm not. If they say I'm a bad writer--that's fine, but it's entirely contradictory to what they said in the past. I have no ill-will against that user and I hope they have a positive experience on their side of the fandom.

edit: I just want to add that this is the last I'll be speaking on this topic. You can send me an ask non-anon and I may answer privately, but overall I don't want this to have any more attention than it's already gotten. Also, to the anon that was going to that user and telling them that I was interacting with their posts: if you were doing it innocently, that's fine, but if you were intending to stir up drama, please leave my blog. That's not what I or my other mutuals are here for.

[dteamain]

Nothing wrong with being argumentative, but sometimes it feels like you belittle people that disagree with you just a little bit. Anons can be as belittling as they want to bc theyre anonymous, but you match peoples energy. sometimes it feels odd to have a different opinion from you, because then it feels like youre bashing me, even if im not the people in your anons arguing with you. Its maybe slightly weird sometimes, and ive never unfollowed for it, but i do see how it can be reason for someone to block, especially if youre going against the common opinion, (nothing wrong with that) bc that puts more people in that position, and not everyone is an invested follower willing to just shrug it off. I know theres dnfers that are really hardcore and bash their anons lots, but they get blocked a good amt, and have a general common opinion that keeps people on their side from blocking (dnf being the common opinion)

I could be wrong but thats the biggest strife ive ever had with your tumblr, if it isnt that, then im not sure what it could be

I guess that’s the thing with anons when you message me on anon I see you as an anon not as a mutual or someone I know. So that’s how I respond. Most of my anons that I answer in a more aggressive/mean way are being rude to me so I match that

but trust me I have had mutuals and other people reach out in DMs when we have differing opinions on stuff and I just approach it so differently. like I don’t care if people have different opinions then me and I’m willingly to explain my pov and listen to others

most if not all anons I receive on discourse who have an opposing opinion are there to argue their point so I will counter it

like the ones about karl today, starting of an ask with ‘can I ask if you are stupid’ like this person is not here to have a civil conversation but i still answered it civilly imo

I can also see why even if people arent the ones sending in the ask they feel like that’s me responding to them if they have a similar opinion to the ask being sent and there is really no way for me to control that ig

I don’t mind people curating their own experience like i said it just really sucks that it’s become super hard for me to interact with fandom stuff

[sweetestofchaos]

Hey girl I want to talk to some and I thought of you.

Okay so I work in a cleaning office I’m 21 and I’m documented so it was hard for me to find a job that doesn’t ask for SSN anyways lately there’s been a few people here in the building making fun of me saying and I quote “your young working as a janitor that’s so sad and embarrassing” or “you should get a new job unless you didn’t have the education to get a better job” and other cruel things. And now I feel so ashamed of myself and to be honest, I don’t like the job there are a few nice people here but I feel like I could get a better job but we’re I been looking for a new one but I can’t find one they all ask for so many things specifically SSN I have to hold back my anger and tears because it’s hard and I need money I live with my parents but I pay rent, own pets, and all the jazz I just feel so unmotivated and unhappy.

Bestie, fuck em! You hear me? Fuck them!!!!

They have no write to belittle you at all. You are all doing the same shit, so what does that say about them? Embarrassing? So sad?? What's so embarrassing and sad about supporting yourself? There is nothing (and I mean this with my whole ass chest) nothing wrong with your job! Having an education doesn't mean shit to anyone anymore. They are stuck in the past and it's sad that they can't get with the times.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. You're 21 and are able to support yourself! Not everyone can say that and that is something you should be proud of. Hell, I'm 28 (going on 29) and I'm struggling to support my damn self, yet alone my family! Fuck them!!! Jeez this made me so freaking mad.

Do not let a bunch of loser who hate themselves make you feel any less than the amazing person that you are. You know who you are, you know your worth, fuck em! I cannot stress that enough!

As for struggling to find a job, I feel you on that, best friend. It is hard for everyone. Documented or not, job hunting is rough. Keep plugging at it little by little everyday. You don't have to spend hours looking for a new job. One or three apps a week is more than enough. If you are able to, try and go out with your dad/mom/sibling. Just spend the day breathing and forget about everything else.

I know things are looking dark and it sucks, believe me, I know. I hate to say that things will get better 'cause no one wants to hear that. But it's the truth. It takes time, a lot of time. Nothing will change over night (sadly). Just keep pushing and don't hold onto the bad days.

I would say talk to your HR department about the other people who are talking shit. It's not cool for them to be saying things like that, it makes for a toxic environment and leads way for poor workmanship.

I am here, if you need to talk and vent. I am always here, okay?

I love you and I am sending you all the good vibes that I can conjure,

Chaos

[ladyintree]

@lingeringscars asked: if they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

shauna. shauna is always the immediate answer, teen or adult (and you know this, and you're baiting me by sending this question, i see you). that's just her person. not even just in the sense of being her best friend (because i don't think she necessarily uses that word), but in the sense of... her being the only one to see her, in the darkest and most intimate form there is.

though i'd maybe say that 'want' is not exactly true -- as a teen, she wants comfort from van. as an adult, she wants comfort from simone. but the reality is, she can't necessarily get there with either of them. and it's not for lack of love or lack of trust, it's something about her, and how she perceives herself / wants to be perceived by others, that she can't get there with them. but she can with shauna. it happened accidentally, and she found comfort in it, and she never forgot it.

i'm putting the rest under a read more because i have a lot to say:

with van, they don't necessarily talk about the big things or about the deep feelings ( other than how they feel for each other. ) if van tries, tai often brushes her off, and because they don't see eye to eye on certain things - mainly, 'what's really happening out there,' she doesn't feel like she can. if something weird is going on with her, like her sleep walking / her stealing van's necklace in her sleep / her actively participating in things she is saying she doesn't believe in / etc., then telling van, of all people, is like admitting defeat -- because she is openly telling van that those things aren't real, don't etc, etc., and that there's nothing wrong with her. if she talks to van about it, she has to accept that something is not okay.

but she wants to go to van, because van is comfortable to her, van is the person she loves, van is her girlfriend. but they don't know how to deal with conflict, they don't know how to get on the same page on the bigger things (at least yet), and tai will do whatever she can to avoid some kind of confrontation with her ( most notably in ep 1x10, when they fight, and tai never actually agrees with her or gets on the same page with her.. she just immediately goes to the 'we're okay' and avoids it). using this quote for reference:

“i think this is going to be an ongoing problem for them: they don’t talk. they certainly don’t argue. i don’t think taissa knows about van’s mother; i don’t think van knows about taissa’s sleepwalking. these are two characters who adore each other but probably for a long time have had a relationship that’s practical: 'we’re high schoolers in 1996, let’s be sensible about this, and also, let’s have fun. we have a lot in common, we’re both no-nonsense, we’re both really smart, we both think we’re really hot.' but i don’t know that there’s a long-term foundation in place for them yet. what are these two like when there’s conflict?"

it's also hard for her to go to van about her sleepwalking because she's already put her in danger because of it. falling asleep, stealing her necklace (that she already claimed was bullshit and belittled van for yet is now actively using for comfort), and climbing to a tree while she was on watch and not being able to wake them all when the wolves attacked nearly killed van. so in tai's mind, it's like: 'how do i tell her about my sleep walking, when she nearly died because of it? isn't it easier just to not talk about it at all?' because.. avoidance is more comfortable for tai! so she's scared as hell to go to sleep, while also wishing she could sleep next to van and be honest with her about it, but she just can't. i think there's potential for that to change this season, but as of right now, she's not seeking comfort from van for reasons that have nothing to do with how she feels about her, but more so - how she wants van to perceive her.

to answer the second part of that question -- it does change depending on the type of fear. if it's as simple as "i'm scared of losing this game," then it's the opposite, in terms of not wanting to admit something like that to her teammates in a way that makes her look weak, but she can turn to van because she can be honest with her. but it's when things start to get weird in the wilderness that she's becoming less and less vulnerable with van because of the fears that start forming.

as adults, with simone, she wants to lean on her. she's her wife, she's her person, she's the person she's supposed to lean on, and she does trust her. i think she's been as honest with simone as she can be about her time in the wilderness -- leaving out only the things she refuses to address herself about the 'weird' things that happened, and the sleepwalking. when she tells simone about the sleepwalking in present day, she mentions it casually but in a way that's clearly new information to simone:

 "after the crash, when we were stuck out there, i started sleepwalking. a symptom of the trauma, i guess. once we were rescued, it just... just stopped."

she never told simone about the sleepwalking, or anyone else she met post-rescue for that matter, because she thought it was irrelevant. it stopped after she was rescued, so taissa claimed to herself it wasn't a problem and wasn't worth telling anyone about. and she doesn't like dwelling on the trauma from the wilderness anyway, because she likes to pretend that she was just immediately fine after being rescued even though that's so far from true.

when it comes to things like fearing for losing the election, etc., she can go to simone. but the bigger things - like what's going on with sammy, she does the same thing she did with van, which was brush it off and ultimately belittle her for buying into it, and it's all because of her own fear that she's unwilling to address even with herself.

she did eventually go to her when she was scared, but it was kind of at the last possible moment. it was because she already talked to shauna that she felt like she could talk to simone. it was because she got to the place of knowing she was putting her and her son in danger that she finally went to simone. it wasn't because she actually really wanted to address these things out loud, it was because she had to for their safety.

"–– but with the stress of the campaign, and everything that's been going on, um, it's happening again. no, uh.. it's not just happening. i'm doing it, and it fucking scares me, because the last time, i... um, i think i may have been the one to let biscuit out of the house."

she almost tells her what happened the last time. but she doesn't. because she can't. because she can let simone in far enough to try to keep her safe, but she can't let her in all the way.

everything is just easy with shauna. there is something about sleeping with shauna in the attic that brings them an intimacy neither of them planned on, and it continues through adulthood. even if they hadn't seen each other in years, they fall right back into place, like they've spent every night together for the last 20 years.

first it was learning about her pregnancy that brought them closer, already knowing shauna in a way no one else does, and then their relationship really changed when she tried to help shauna with her abortion. you don't go through that with someone without it changing you and your relationship forever, and it's sharing that horrific moment in time together that really urges taissa to finally open up with her fully too.

when she goes to sleep the night after they return from the wolf attack, she doesn't sleep next to van, she doesn't sleep in the same room with her to watch over her -- she goes back to the attic with shauna. because that's her place, and after everything she just went through, she needs to feel safe. shauna is her safe place. and by now, she's realized that she is not van's safe place. she doesn't tell the rest of the girls what happened, she pretends she doesn't know what happened. she lets the stress of the wolves distract everyone from the fact that she was asleep in a tree, not on watch. but she instantly tells shauna everything, because she needs to talk about it. and tai is not someone who usually willingly opens up about the things that scare her, but it just comes out with shauna.

because shauna is her person.

[sapphic-courtship-for-dummies]

Hey sorry if this isn’t the right kind of ask to be sending but you seem like the right person to go to.

So I’ve been with my partner who is a girl for a while now but I’m so worried about her ex who is a boy, like I’m convinced their going to leave me for him because some people just don’t seem staying with a women forever really as an option even tho they say they do. Idk is it normal as a lesbian to be so scared of the ex being a man?

Hi Anon, this is a perfectly okay question to ask! And I’m very glad you did.

Although I’ve been lucky enough to not encounter it myself, I have certainly heard of this specific concern, usually as a result of bi/panphobia. People who don’t understand that women can love women in the same deep, long-lasting, and devoted manner that women can love men (and vice versa) tend to dismiss and belittle WLW relationships over MLW relationships. They’ll write off WLW couples as “just a phase” or “experimenting,” instead of accepting them as real, significant, and committed relationships. 

Now, I don’t want to normalize this kind of ideology (as common as it is, unfortunately) because of course it is incorrect and queerphobic, but I want to acknowledge that if people you know or have encountered expressed this ideology, then it’s quite likely that you have internalized it. This is not to condemn you, because these beliefs are pervasive and eat away at our insecurities--like fear-mongering claims that debase lesbians and WLW as all predators (which they are not!!). So it’s natural to fall prey to harmful beliefs such as this. 

The good news is that you already took the first steps, by questioning those fears and asking for advice, and I’m really proud of you for doing so. Being in a relationship is scary enough as is, and being in a queer relationship can seem to make things even more complicated. But despite what the homophobes and naysayers claim, queer relationships are more than capable of being successful and long-lasting. I have read many a success story, and can promise that good things do happen. So I hope this assures you that you have nothing to fear. 

(And if, even after diluting the internalized fears, you still feel insecure in your relationship, then it may be time to do some deep introspection and take an objective look at your relationship. At that point, I would also recommend communicating with your partner about it. It’s always better to talk out an issue to resolve your fears than to bottle them up! Trust me on this one. (Another thing therapy is good for.))

I hope this is helpful, friend. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. ❤️

Lovingly,

Sappho 💓

[vespertin-y]

As I said it’s totally fine to not like Teruteru but please don’t assumes everyone lgbt hates Teruteru because I am one of them and it’s funny that you think I find his sex jokes funny because I really don’t.

I personally like his design and other parts of his character in his backstory his father left his mum and cheated on her with two other women making his two younger half siblings and left them to live with him and his mum at their diner. Him masking his accent and his where he actually lives because he worries he won’t be taken seriously or get made fun of, it honestly hits for me especially the accent part because people have trouble understanding me. It also kinda of hurtful to call someone vile just because they don’t share your opinion or personal experience on something.

Also don’t really hate Miu or Korekiyo I dislike Miu for my own personal reasons. they were mostly used as examples to show how the fandom can be hypocrites about this and I only responding because I hate when my character is mischaracterised, it honestly hurtful that you done that and really shouldn’t let your emotions cloud your judgement on others.

look you seems like a nice person but please don’t acting like your the voice for all lgbt+ people it honestly really childish because that person who made post on Teruteru is most likely a child and lgbt. It funny you know because all the Teruteru fans I know throughout the years are lgbt+ or lgbt+ friendly, I ever once seen a Teruteru fan that been full on straight but that’s just personal experience being in the fandom. It honestly a shame how fandom loves to demonise and belittle others for enjoying a character they personally don’t like.

Again I repeat to make it clear you don’t have to like Teruteru and that’s okay especially if personal to you and your experience. As long as respectful and let others enjoy the character they like and leave them be, it’s all good.

i very clearly asked you not to send another ask about this because i find it upsetting, but it's clear you didn't actually read my post. "don't act like you're the voice for all lgbt people" do you think the sentence "i, as a bi person" is speaking for every bi person on the planet?? "leave others be" YOU are the one who started this conversation, and YOU are the one who kept sending messages after i asked you to stop. "the person who made that post is likely a child and lgbt" yes that's why i made my Own Goddamn Post on my personal blog instead of responding to them.

do not send me any more asks.

[writing-blog-iguess]

Hi, can I request a fluff and angst fanfic about Damian x female reader? In which they're into an engagement mainly for business, but Y/N was insecure about it because she's a chubby cinnamon roll (which she didn't realise at all), and she felt left out by the entire Bat family. And so, during a true or dare between entire Batfam and their friends, Jon asked for Damian's type and he reply almost like a hint about Y/N, leaving his teammates wanting to see Y/N. They did later saw her, but somehow one of them said they didn't know Damian would fall into love with this kind of girl, which hurt Y/N unconsciouy and she ended up wanting to end the engagement. Damian chased after her and calm her down with Harley and Ivy Poison stop by and scolding the entire Batfam and League of how much they made their little angel felt leftout and threaten dear Robin that they would hunt him down if he's not gonna say anything clearly!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I really like Harley Quinn and Ivy Poison!!!!

I'm so sorry for how long this took me, but I couldn't stop thinking about it when I read this request! Anyways, I hope this is what you were looking for and I hope you enjoy it!

Life wasn’t fair, she knew this. Had known this as she grew up. But there was a small part of her that hoped that life would go her way once she was old enough to make her own choices.

But that hope was stomped down when she started high school and her parents planned out her future. The only good thing she got out of it, was that she was allowed to pick her minor when it was time to start university.

Throughout the years, she avoided the questions from the press and her friends when she suddenly became friends with Damian Wayne. The only ones to know about the arranged marriage between the two, were her family and the Wayne’s.

It was in an agreement that when they finished school, they would announce their engagement.

There was nothing wrong with it, but as she started to get to know the Wayne’s, she felt a little out of place. Like there was an inside joke or something that she wasn’t allowed to know. She knew people had secrets, she even had secrets. But sometimes it hurts.

Laugher broke through her thoughts, blinking at her phone. She dialed a friend’s number and brought the phone to her ear. As she waited for them to pick up, she couldn’t help but overhear the group of boys’ conversation.

“I didn’t think he’d actually answer,” someone said, after his laughter died down.

“Well, the rules say he had to answer so,” another said with a shrug.

“I’m more surprised by the type of girls Damian’s into.” She frowned, and watched them from the corner of eye. They must be some of Damian’s friends, she thought.

“You mean like that?” someone asked, gesturing to her. She frowned and furrowed her eyebrows as she listened to them talk.

She hung her head as her mood soured as they continued talking. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t the prettiest looking, but she never thought Damian would be so swallow to go for someone that wasn’t her.

“Pumpkin,” a voice said, shaking her out of her thoughts. “You there?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah I am,” she answered, shaking her head and shifting her eyes forward. “I uh, I’m going to have to do a rain check tonight. Something came up.”

“Sure, I’ll tell Red. Let us know when you can, okay?”

“I will, thanks Harls.”

Later that day, she stood in front of the mirror, turned to look at her body. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t the skinniest or the prettiest person. But she liked to think her personality more then made up her looks.

And well, she never really talked to Damian about it. Why he had agreed to marry her, or at the least, broke it off if she wasn’t someone he wasn’t into.

She tugged her shirt down and sighed. Maybe it was time to end it. It’s been nine years since the start of the engagement, and it wasn’t fair to Damian for being sucked into her parents' deals.

Making up her mind, she brought out some paper and pen and began writing. Once she finished, she stuffed it in an envelope, along with the ring and sealed it. Making a quick decision, she grabbed her keys and left for Wayne Manor.

When she arrived, she spent a few minutes just sitting in the car, wondering if she’d have to talk to Damian. That was the last thing she needed, for him to talk her out of it.

Taking a deep breath, she climbed out of the car and made her way towards the door. She reached out and knocked on the door. She rocked on her feet as she waited, hoping Alfred would be the one to answer.

And her hopes were answered when she saw the family butler standing in the doorway. “Miss L/N, I wasn’t aware that you were dropping by. Shall I go announce that you’re here?”

“That’s okay Allred, I only came to drop something for Damian,” she answered with a small smile.

“I’m afraid he isn’t here at the moment,” he said, and she sighed in relief.

“That’s fine,” she said, and held up the envelope for him to take. “Can you, uh, can you give this to him when he gets back?”

Alfred frowned at the envelope she held, and she looked down. She was getting a little uncomfortable under his stare, and wondered if he'd say something that would change her mind.

“Of course,” he said, taking the envelope from her grasp. “Is there something you’d wish for me to tell him?”

“That’s okay,” she said, looking up to him. He gave her a sad smile and wondered if he knew what was inside. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you around Alfred. And thank you for everything.”

“My pleasure, Miss L/N. I hope to see you soon,” he replied. She hesitated and stepped forward to give him a hug. He tensed at first and returned it, squeezing her a little tightly. “I’m sure you’ll be missed.”

“Thanks.”

~~

Two weeks.

It’s been two weeks since she wrote the letter, two weeks of ignoring Damian’s attempts to talk. Two weeks of listening to her mother whine about the broken engagement, and her father’s belittling her about how she ruined everything. Two weeks of Harley and Ivy pestering her until she finally told them why.

“But you love him!” Harley exclaimed, moving to sit beside Y/N on the couch. “I don’t understand why you ended it, Pumpkin.”

Y/N rubbed her face and sighed, wishing they would just drop it. But they didn’t and kept going. “Because look at me!” she finally snapped. Moving off the couch, she faced the two and gestured to herself.

“I don’t look like someone Damian would marry! I’m not pretty or…or…I’m not a supermodel. And besides, I feel like I don’t even fit in with the Wayne family. I mean, look at the family. They all have looks and great personalities, they’re fun and adventurous, and their lives are amazing. And then...and then there’s me who’s just boring and average who could care less about adventure. I’m just...meh.”

She paused, wrapping her arms around her waist, trying to make herself small. It’s the first time she said her thoughts out loud. It felt a little freeing, but it still hurt.

“The only reason why we were even engaged was for a stupid business deal my dad struck with Bruce Wayne. I would like to add that Mr. Wayne didn’t even look that interested in the arrangement, and neither did Damian,” she finished, deflating a little. Finally telling someone about the arrangement.

“Oh flower,” Ivy said, standing up and pulling her into a hug. “If he can’t love you for who you are or only cares about looks, then he doesn’t deserve you. You should marry for love, so you made the right choice.”

She rested her head on Ivy and sighed. “But it wouldn’t have been a loveless marriage,” she whispered, “I love him, it would make it a one-sided loveless marriage.”

She felt Harley join the hug and she closed her eyes as tears started to form.

“You never cared about your looks before,” Harley mused, playing with Y/N’s hair. “What brought this on?”

Y/N opted to stay quiet and shook her head. Ivy called her name and she sighed. She knew they wouldn’t stop until she answered, and she was afraid of what they would do. This time, Harley called her name, but firmer. “Okay fine, but you can’t do anything stupid.”

Harley scoffed and pulled away to poke Y/N’s nose. “When have I ever?” She gave Harley a look and she just giggled. “Okay, so maybe there were a few times but I’m not letting you off the hook. So, spill.”

She rubbed her face and groaned. “I overheard Damian’s friends talk about how they couldn’t see him falling in love with someone like me. And they're right, I’m fat, and plain looking.”

“You are not fat,” Ivy said, narrowing her eyes. “You’re a little chuddy yes, but you're healthy and that’s all anyone can ask for.”

“What she said,” Harley agreed as she walked out of the room. She came back a moment later with her mallet. “Come on Red, we’ve got work to do.”

“What? No!” she called as the two made their way to the door. “You promised!” But it fell on deaf ears as she watched her two parental figures leave the apartment. Mumbling a string of curses, she took out her phone and sent out a message.

Damian ignored everyone in the room, and frowned at his phone. He stared at the two words like it was mocking him. It’d been two weeks of silence from her and the first words she sends him is I’m sorry?

Scoffing, he typed out a reply and just before he could press send, the door slammed open.

There was a collective gasp around the room as they watched two of Gotham’s sirens walk into the living room.

“Man, and here I thought we were going to have a quiet night,” Garth complained, leaning back against the couch.

“That’s what you get when you say ‘sure is a quiet night,’” Jon mocked, Garth made a face at him but chose not to say anything.

“What do you want, Harley?” Bruce asked tiredly. Damian had a faint feeling that this isn’t the first time Harley barged into the manor.

Harley pointed her mallet at the boys and smirked as they squirmed a little. Damian narrowed his eyes, wondering if there’s going to be a fight or not.

“A little birdie told me that you are making fun of girls like Y/N,” she said. Damian’s eyes widened in surprise. They knew Y/N? But she’s never mentioned that. But then again, there are things he hasn’t told her yet.

“Y/N?” Wally asked, confused. He wasn’t the only one, one look around the room told Damian that no one knew who she was talking about. “Don’t know who that is.”

“Mhm, that’s okay. She knows who you are though. And she’s told us what you’ve said,” Harley continued, “about how you don’t see Damian marrying someone who’s chubby, who is a bit self-conscious about who they are. Which leads me…” she trailed off and pointed her mallet at the Wayne boys.

They narrowed their eyes and watched closely to see what she might do next. Their eyes were especially on Ivy. She hasn’t said much during Harley’s speech. But her glare spoke volumes.

“Why is it whenever Y/N comes home from hanging out with Damian and everyone here, she’s sad?” Harley asked, and the boys widened as they realized who they were talking about.

“You’re talking about Y/N? Damian’s fiancé?” Jason asked. Wally, Gath and Jon’s head whipped around to look at Damian.

“You’re engaged?!”

Damian chose to ignore them and narrowed his eyes at the two. “What do you mean she’s sad? And how do you know?”

“Exactly that,” Ivy said with a shrug. “She didn’t tell us until today, but we knew there was something wrong. Said that she felt like she didn’t fit in, like you just didn’t care that she was there.”

Okay, so she didn’t say it in so many words, but that’s what Ivy got out of it.

She watched and listened as the Wayne boys tried to defend themselves. She raised her hand and they stopped talking.

“Is that why she ended the engagement?” Damian asked.

“She did what?” Damian’s brothers asked in unison. He didn’t answer and Ivy nodded.

“Better go fix it, baby bird,” Harley said, pointing at Damian.

Not needed to be told twice, Damian stood and left, ignoring the protest of his friends and family. He chuckled when he heard the groans of everyone as Harley and Ivy started their lecture on why you shouldn’t talk bad about people you don’t know.

It’s been twenty minutes since Ivy and Harley left, and she can’t help but wonder what they’re doing. She had almost followed them, but decided against it. She’ll wait until they get back for the answers.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts, and she looked up from her book in confusion. Harley and Ivy would have just walked in, and she wasn’t expecting anyone to come over.

Setting the book on the couch, she got up and made her way to the door. Her eyes narrowed as she saw who it was through the peephole. She bit her lip and debated on whether or not she should open the door.

“I know you’re in there, Y/N,” Damian said. He sounded tired, like he hasn’t been sleeping lately. “Can I come in, please? We need to talk.”

Sighing, she unlocked the door. He looked as tired as he sounded. She stepped aside and waited until he was inside before closing the door.

“You didn’t tell me you knew Harley and Ivy,” he said after a few minutes of silence. She shrugged, keeping her attention on the door as she answered him.

“I met them when I was in grade 10,” she mumbled, “was running from someone and I asked for their help. Since then, they’ve kind of adopted me.”

“Do your parents know?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think they would care.”

Damian snorted, turning around to look at her. She was still refusing to look at him. “I think they would care if their only daughter was hanging around with Gotham’s most wanted.”

“No, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t,” she argued. “They were the ones who signed my life away. I mean, the whole engagement was because of a business deal.” She hadn’t meant to, but she let the bitterness seep into her voice. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter anyways.”

Damian flinched as she dismissed it, and reached out to grab her arm. She tensed but didn’t pull away, Damian took that as a good sign, and turned her around. She let him, but kept her gaze on his chest.

“My friends are stupid,” Damian stated, surprising her. “We were playing truth or dare and I was asked what my type of a girl was. I didn’t think your first meeting with them would end our engagement. I wished you would have talked to me about it though, instead of that.”

She hung her in shame. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just, I don’t know. On top of what your friends said, and the whole arranged marriage thing, I didn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t love me back.”

She froze when she realized what she said. She shut her eyes, and covered her face with her hands, willing the flush on her cheeks to go away. But it didn’t.

“You love me?” Damian asked, and she could hear the smirk. She didn’t say anything, she just nodded. “Why didn’t you say anything?” She shrugged. Damian huffed out a laugh, and gently pried her hands off her face. When she still didn’t look up, he grabbed her chin and tilted her head up. “I love you too.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she stared at him dumbfounded. He gave her a soft smile and leaned forward a little, resting his forehead on hers. “I love the way you are now, and I wouldn’t change anything about you.”

“Do you really mean that?” she asked quietly. So quietly, he almost didn’t catch it. He nodded.

“With all my heart.”

She looked at him, looking to see if he was lying. When all she found was the truth, she closed the distance and kissed him. She bundled up his shirt as he cupped her cheeks gently. She put all her love into that kiss, and he eagerly matched her pace.

When they needed air, she pulled back and smiled when he followed after her.

“So, does that mean we can get married now?” Damian asked. She pretended to think about it, and he poked her sides a little.

“I guess so,” she answered with a laugh. He pulled her into a hug, which she returned, nuzzling her face in his shirt. “Are we still waiting until we’re done with school?”

“Would give us time to get to know each other. Really get to know each other,” he added when she was about to say something. “And maybe this time around, you’ll feel like you fit in with my family.”

“Wow, they left nothing out, did they?” she questioned. Damian chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Damian.”

“I love you too.”

[ruanbaijie]

just a few thoughts after recent events bc I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking from both sides given how touchy the topic is

the wounds left from wwii are still very raw in this part of the world that goes without saying, and no amount of elaboration I can do here will be able to summarise the pain and feelings of injustice and anger that still linger till today 

yes he did wrong. he shouldn’t have done those even if back then he wasn’t as famous. yasukuni is infamous for being the representation of japan’s refusal to admit its past and it really baffles me why he would agree to go there (apparently he was invited for a wedding?) let alone take pictures there

but yes antis also dug it up on purpose to smear him (c-ent is brutal I think most of us who’ve been around in the cdrama/ dangai circles are pretty aware of that by now)

the two can coexist and acknowledging the latter DOES NOT equate to belittling the consequences of wwii NOR does it equate to being an imperialist

does he deserve to be cancelled? how does one judge? yes wwii rhetoric has been and still is manipulated till today in politics esp in the countries concerned, yes nationalism plays a very big part. but yes he did also knowingly do things that still remind people of an especially painful period. so how does one balance and judge between the knowing manipulation of painful memories to serve political agendas and the very effect of the painful memories itself?

yes it is strange and somewhat unsettling to see ardent fans voicing their support for him esp since the dust from wu yifan has barely settled bc it’s so easy for an outsider to see this as blind support

but remember the context of c-ent and antis and how far they can go to tear celebrities they dislike down

and that blindly labelling someone as white just because they seem to continue supporting him while “ignoring” or “making light of” the historical baggage is just being prejudiced

yes reverse racism does not exist but that doesn’t give anyone a free pass for being prejudiced and painting every single member of a certain community with the same brush

white people have feelings too and I’ve met a lot of white people who are careful about this unfamiliar culture they may perhaps be engaging with for the first time, who ask questions and do their research to make sure that they don’t unknowingly belittle or misconstrue anything, which I very deeply respect

I know it’s easy to hate and blame a boogeyman esp when racism and the sidelining of minority races still continues to be prevalent today

but please realise the context that this is happening in before piling on

and before adding oil to the fire of ad hominem attacks

tl;dr:

his actions were disgusting, but also disgusting is how people can actually hate a successful person so much that they would dig so deep just to find ammunition to shoot him down with and tear him down with mob justice

and if you disagree with my point of view or anyone’s point of view

please argue against the subject of the argument

instead of attacking the person themselves (or any other communities, whether said person belongs to them or not) and sending death threats

it really does not reflect well on your own character

if what I’ve said doesn’t sit well with you, please go ahead and unfollow and block me

and if you really want to pull the same trick and still want to attack me as a person instead, here’s your homework done for you: I am chinese, I am diaspora, I live in asia, I know this culture (maybe not as deeply as I should, but well enough), I know my history, I wrote my goddamn final year university thesis on the lingering sentiments of wwii in the region

[softukiyos]

a pinch of the jeekies | han jisung

𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚: 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦

𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣: 𝘫𝘪𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: ~2.7k+

𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮: 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯

𝙖/𝙣: 𝘩𝘪 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦! 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦! 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 ��𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘪𝘯����𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩! >.< 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺!

Jisung liked to take pride in his cheeks. When he'd first entered elementary school, he despised them. Everyone had seemed to shed their baby fat very quickly, but his squishy cheeks never left. After a few years of struggling with his self image, he entered high school, confident and proud of how he looked. 

His cheeks were unmatched. No one would ever have cheeks that could even come close. 

At least, that was what he thought before he met you, his strict, grumpy tutor that his chemistry teacher had assigned to him in hopes of raising his abysmal grades. 

Jisung didn't like you at first. He'd known you from afar like most other people did; the top of the class, intellectually brilliant but aloof girl that didn't seem to care about anyone in the school. 

Jisung didn't like you when he first met you in person. Your tutoring sessions were hard, and he meant really hard. You never let him get away with a single thing, not one missing unit, not one problem where he forgot to show work, nothing ever passed your watchful eye. And as  much as he tried to resist, he found his grades improving at a rapid rate, which only encouraged his teacher to send him to you more. 

After a month or so, however, it sort of hit Jisung like a truck when he finally had the revelation that you weren't so bad. As Spartan as your teaching methods were, you never belittled him for asking a stupid question, you wouldn't laugh if he asked you to slow down, and all in all, you were genuinely quite considerate of his feelings while still managing to get the results out of him. The first time he saw you genuinely smile was when he handed you his first B+, where you looked him in the eye and told him that you were proud of his improvement. 

Jisung couldn't even remember the last time he received a compliment like that from anyone. So after a while, he began to think that maybe you didn't show care towards anyone in particular because no one ever bothered to look past your reputation to see you for who you were. 

After another day of classes, he headed to the library, ready for another grueling hour of chemical reaction exercises. However, as he turned the corner into the little nook that you liked to study in, his steps faltered as he saw you slumped over the desk, your head resting on your arms as you slept soundly.

Now, Jisung probably shouldn't have gotten so excited to see you sleep, but he did. After all, he'd never seen you in such a relaxed state around him, and as he took a peek at your face, he physically had to stop himself from cooing out loud at how adorable you looked.

Woah, woah, woah. What?

The boy did a quick double take. When did he ever think his chemistry tutor was cute? Well, there was that one time he saw you scurrying down the hallway when you came to school late, there was that one time you sneezed on your way up to the whiteboard and looked a bit like a deer in headlights. There was also that one time he saw you giggle when you came across a quokka doodle in his notes and--oh my god that was basically 98% of his time with you and the other 2% was the time he was just staring at you from afar. 

Gulping nervously, he slid into the chair next to you and very carefully placed his book bag on the table. To be honest, he was waiting for you to wake up on your own; with a brother named Changbin who was a literal demon if you even so much as nudged him while he was asleep, Jisung was well aware of the dangers of waking people up from naps. He wasn’t sure what type of riser you were, and he wasn’t going to find out.

But as the minutes ticked on and crept into your normal tutoring time, you still didn’t wake and Jisung just sat beside you, picking imaginary petals in his head to decide whether or not he should give your shoulder a light nudge. He wanted to, because he knew you’d probably get upset at him if you woke up later to find that the two of you had wasted precious time, but on the other hand, you did look quite exhausted, even more so than usual. The bags under your eyes seemed slightly more defined, and this nap looked like the first moment of decent sleep you’ve gotten in days.

Eventually, Jisung decided not to wake you. If you got angry, then he’d just promise to study on his own when he got back home. He could put off playing games with Felix for one night if it meant that you got some rest. When you made an expression of discomfort, he even shrugged off his bomber jacket, rolling it into a pillow before gently maneuvering it to replace the book you were sleeping on.

With nothing else to do, Jisung found himself spending much of that time on his phone, but he couldn’t help but take some of the other time to gaze at you. Now that you weren’t wacking him with a rolled up test that he failed or glaring at everyone, you actually looked quite innocent and peaceful. You looked even happy, and Jisung wondered what you were dreaming about.

But what really caught Jisung’s eye were your cheeks. With your face squished against your arm, your cheeks were puffed up adorably, and it took every ounce of self restraint for Jisung to not poke them at least once. They looked like little marshmallows, and as the minutes ticked on, Jisung found it harder and harder to control himself.

He even felt a little bit of jealousy curling in his gut. What moisturizer did you use? Why did your cheeks look softer than his?

“Oh, the two of you are still here!”

Jisung almost jumped out of his seat as the librarian peaked her head into the corner, “A-ah, yes!” He stumbled over his words nervously.

“Well, you better hurry out. I’m closing up in five,” she said before finishing up her rounds so she could leave for the day. Checking his phone, Jisung realized with a start that it was almost six in the evening, thirty minutes past when your normal tutoring session ended. He didn’t even notice.

He glanced over at you, who was still snoring away without a care in the world and his expression softened. Looks like he’d have to wake you up after all. He almost didn’t want to, but against his better judgement, he leaned towards you and gave your cheek a gentle little pinch, full of fondness that he didn’t even really understand yet.

“Y/N,” he murmured your name as softly as possible, his smiling widening as you let out a soft groan in response. Wow, your cheeks were fluffier than anything he’d ever touched before.

“What…?” you mumbled, eyes fluttering open as you sat up, gripping at Jisung’s jacket in confusion.

He smiled, “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” he ducked under your sleepy attempt to flick his forehead.

“What time is it?”

“Almost six,” Jisung said, helping you pack your book bag as you regained your bearings. As you finally managed to process where you were, your eyes widened almost comically.

“It’s almost six.”

Jisung laughed, “Yes? That’s what I just said?”

You shoved his jacket back at his chest, cheeks unnaturally hot, “Why didn’t you wake me up?!” Gosh, you were more than embarrassed. It was one thing to miss a tutoring session, it was another to sleep through it with your student literally right next to you. Especially when the student was Han Jisung.

He took his jacket back, still amused by how flustered you looked. In all the time he’d spent with you, he’d never seen you look so frazzled before, “I wanted to wake you, but you looked so tired!” Jisung explained, deciding to take the moment to try and reach out to you once more, “Is everything alright? You looked really drained. I noticed in class, too.” 

You tensed up, not expecting Jisung to be so observant. No, scratch that, you knew Jisung was always observant, but you never thought that applied to you. 

“I just have a little more on my plate now,” you explained the best you could without actually explaining. 

Jisung felt a pang of disappointment. It was the blank wall to the face again, like he always got when he tried to get to know you better. Two steps forward, four steps back.

“But, regardless, you should've woken me up,” you continued, huffing at him as you reached into your bag to pull out your planner, “It's my fault for oversleeping, so let me know what time you'd like to reschedule--”

“Woah, woah,” Jisung waved his hands frantically, shaking his head, “Didn't you just say you have more on your plate now? You don't need to reschedule.”

You gave him an inquisitive stare and he physically had to hold back a gulp, “Are you just trying to get out of tutoring?” You asked, but he noticed that your voice didn't hold any edge to it, another red flag that you were probably a lot more exhausted than you let on.

“I'm not, I promise,” he held his arms up in surrender, “I'll go over the material and do the assignment myself. You can check it over next week!” 

A moment of silence passed before you relented, placing the planner back in your bag with a sigh, “Okay, but the three mistake rule still stands. Got it?”

Jisung smiled, “Got it,” he said, grabbing his bag and standing up, “I won't let you down after all the help you've given me.” 

“You really think this is helpful?” The surprise in your words spilled out despite your best attempts to keep your mask of passivity. Fuck, it was always Jisung that made you like this. Any other person would tried to tear down your mental walls, only for you to build them up twice as high and twice as thick. But Jisung--Jisung just walked past them like they didn't even exist.

“Um, yeah? My grades literally went from C’s to B’s and A’s because of you!” Jisung exclaimed, practically offended for your sake at the mere thought of your question, “If that isn't helpful, then what is?” 

A dry chuckle left your lips as the two of you walked out of the library, “That isn't what I meant. Normally, people would say that I'm a bit...harsh? Overbearing? Un-fun?” 

Jisung bit his lip, his eyes rounding with a mix of realization and guilt as he saw the expression on your face. You probably didn't even notice it as you looked up into the sky, but he could see it as clear as day. A bittersweetness that looked a bit like hurt, but it wasn't quite either. 

So you did know of what people said about you, and it did affect you. The guilt festered in his chest as Jisung came to the painful realization that he was part of that group of judging before knowing only a few weeks before. 

“Um!” Jisung blurted out rather clumsily, grabbing your attention as you turned to face him, “You're a good teacher. Y-yeah, sometimes you can be a bit strict, but people should know that you do it only because you want them to succeed!” 

A moment of awkward silence passed between the two of you, and Jisung was about to disappear into the ground when you let out a giggle, covering your mouth with the back of your hand and failing to hide your amusement. 

You laughed. You laughed because of him. You were smiling because of him. Jisung held your expression, your moment of happiness, close to his heart, and he wanted nothing more than to see it again. 

“Thank you, Jisung,” you said after your giggles died and you stood before him, a bit of distance still between the two of you even though it wasn't quite as tense or awkward as before, “That means a lot to me, really.” 

Jisung’s face lit up, and he nodded, “And I really mean what I said! I wouldn't have gotten so much better without you.” 

Your cheeks felt unusually warm in the chilly evening, and you realized that you should probably make your escape soon before you found yourself falling more and more for this boy who wore his heart on his sleeve. 

“Well, thank you again,” you said sincerely, clutching the strap of your book bag as you gave him a smile, already beginning to turn away, “I’m gonna head home, so I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Jisung felt the joy in his heart stutter a bit at the way you turned to glance down the road you were about to take, and his mouth worked before his brain, “Wait! I could give you a ride!” He blurted out before wanting nothing more than to bonk himself in the head.

“Oh?” You turned back around to face him as you crossed your arms, “You drive?”

“Uh, I have a bike, which is still faster than walking,” Jisung supplied the follow up information rather unhelpfully, but it made you smile nonetheless, “And you live close to Seungmin’s family bakery, right? I live right around there, too.”

There wasn’t much about that offer that you could really refuse, and you found yourself not wanting to anyway. You were still pretty exhausted and you were already dreading the walk back home. 

And besides, a little extra time with Han Jisung never hurt anyone except for your poor heart, which was beginning to grow tired of fighting your obvious attraction for this boy. 

“Alright,” you said, shifting your bag strap higher up your shoulder as you gestured, “lead the way.” 

The ride was quite silent, but neither of you minded. If anything, you enjoyed the silence, and Jisung knew you enjoyed it, so he didn’t bother to pry or start conversation. With your hands resting on his shoulders for balance as you sat behind him on what was normally the basket rack, and with the sky loosing its pinkish tones and exchanging them for the dark blues and purples of night, everything felt strangely perfect and--dare you say it--romantic. 

When you finally told Jisung to stop in the front of a house just a couple buildings down from Seungmin’s bakery, the air between the two of you had shifted somehow. It wasn’t a big change; you weren’t suddenly head over heels in love with him and he wasn’t suddenly filled with the urge to kiss you like they do in shoujo mangas, but there was a comfortable and mutual sense of affection for one another that didn’t need any pushing or rushing from either side. The two of you just...knew it somehow. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you said, your voice soft as you swung your leg off and found yourself next to the bike, face to face with Jisung. 

“Don’t mention it,” he smiled, leaning against the handle of his bike in a way that made him look deviously adorable. You bit your lip, hesitating for a second before reaching up with your fingers and giving his soft cheeks a light squish.

Huh, they were even softer than you’d imagined they would be. 

Jisung’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, which snapped you out of your daze as you quickly pulled your hand away and cleared your throat awkwardly. 

“Don’t forget to go over today’s chapter when you get home,” you said, trying to mask your embarrassment and keep your voice steady as you gave him one last smile before rushing into your house, fumbling a bit with the keys when you pulled them out of your bag.

Jisung stood in front of your house for a moment longer, his eyes dazed with surprise as he reached up to rub his cheek. Fuck, if you mess around with him like this any more, he’d be head over heels in love with you before the semester even ended. 

And as Jisung biked back home, he didn’t even care that he actually lived in the opposite direction and he’d lied a bit in order to make sure you got back safe. Your smiles, your laughter, and your gentle retaliation for his earlier pinch of your cheek made it all worth it. 

Jisung thought he had the cutest cheeks in the world, but he was pretty satisfied with being second best now.