#tolkien shitposts

[lesbian-elrond]

Be he fan or mutual, be he foul or clean,

brood of Morgoth or bright Vala, Elda or Maia or Aftercomer, Man yet unborn upon Middle-earth, neither law, nor love, nor league of swords, dread nor danger, not Doom itself, shall defend him from Fëanor, and Fëanor's kin, whoso hideth or hoardeth, or in hate watcheth, watching keepeth or afar streameth The Tolkien LOTR Amazon show. This swear we all: death we will deal him ere Day's ending, woe unto world's end! Our word hear thou, Eru Allfather! To the everlasting Darkness doom us if our deed faileth. On the holy mountain hear in witness

and our vow remember, Manwë and Varda!

[madame-helen]

[mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware]

[autistook]

[catsandcatci]

had a revelation

[theidlespoon]

nothing, just tolkien originally writing down the hobbit because his son christopher kept complaining that he'd change the details from night to night and then christopher later being so crucial in taking tolkien's notes and turning them into fully written novels of worldbuilding. loving someone to the point of creation and then having them help you finish the job.

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

elrond sipping his tea: how nice of you to join me for breakfast, thranduil. it’s certainly been a while hasn’t it. you remember bilbo, the hobbit from like seventy years ago? he has a kid now. i know you would just love frodo

thranduil:

thranduil: elrond, where’s my son

[kitmdrawsthings]

Thought I’d sum up The Hobbit in one drawing if that’s okay with you guys

[stormygopher]

So like….. if Fëanor created the Palantíri……… and there were originally 8 of them….did…did Fëanor just invent the Middle Earth equivalent of phones so he could keep in contact with his kids???

[captaintalon]

[mushroomates]

the fellowship at fancy restaurants:

aragorn: literally would not care if he ate gas station sushi at a truckstop, does not see the appeal of fancy but appreciates the atmosphere. likes taking arwen out for fancy food, great at scouting out the genuinely good places, not just the expensive ones.

boromir: will fight you over paying the check. his current move is pretend to go to the bathroom, stop by the concierge’s desk and drop off his credit card there. always gets some sort of steak.

merry: deceptively well mannered. is polite and well spoken. offers to foot the bill (rich parents) but it’s an empty gesture cuz my man doesn’t carry a wallet on him 90% of the time.

pippin: gets like 80 appetizers and dessert. eats a little off of everyone’s plate. likes to order of the “secret menu” and enjoys french fries at every fine dining establishment regardless if they are offered to begin with.

frodo: very polite, has a hard time deciding what he wants. ends up getting several things and either sharing it with sam or giving the rest of it to pippin. all hobbits are incapable of bringing home leftovers.

sam: makes frodo order for him cuz he’s worried he will mess up the fancy names. fuckin loves him some fancy potatoes. takes a pic of the menu and tries to re-create it at home, 9/10 times it’s better than what the restaurant has.

legolas: eats the garnish. orders fancy cocktails and then will lick the salt rim off, eat the lemon, or the entire whole cherry, stem and all. likes to get pretty salads and sometimes will requests dressing on the side but not even use the dressing.

gimli: fantastic tipper. will fight with boromir about who pays the bill. has great table manners. will ask staff for recommendations and just order what they tell him to. not a picky eater, even if he hates it he will finish it all.

gandalf: shows up an hour, hour and a half, late. asks for servers to “surprise him” pays in cash, leaves whatever number feels right of hundreds on the table and heads out before the bill comes. he has been known to both dine and dash as well as tip 80%.

[lotrlorien]

[scyllas-revenge]

LOTR + Ask a Manager

I've seen this somewhere on tumblr before, but I couldn't rest until I made my own

part 2 here!

[autistook]

LORD OF THE RINGS/HOBBIT + text posts

[mrkida-art]

Bagginshield

[grondds-and-roses]

You are in the house of Elrond. And it is ten o’clock in the morning, on October the twenty-fourth btw. If you even care