#tw: second one is an unsettling image (?)

[skipblebee]

I think they are cousins

[daycourtofficial]

We started alone, in the end we’re okay

| Pairing: Eris Vanserra x Rhys’s sister!reader

| Summary: on a rare night alone, Eris reflects on the loneliest night of his life, and how he’s a long way from the person he had to be.

| Author’s note: yes this is inspired by Pretty Little Girl by Blink-182 how’d you know the last 45 seconds of that song are everything to me

| TW: mentions of physical abuse, blood, death

| WC: ~2k

Servants bustled up and down the halls of the Forest House, preparations being made for the Starfall holiday, one he and his family won’t be attending.

He was the only one left in the house - you had taken the kids to Night a day early so they could have a sleepover with their cousins. Meanwhile Eris had a meeting with some advisors in the morning he was unable to reschedule.

Eris strode toward his chambers, his long legs carrying him through the halls that have been the only witness to his comings and goings during his long life. He walked a path so familiar to him he could be reincarnated and still, his feet would carry him where he needed to go.

He had broken tradition when he became high lord, opting to stay in his previous chambers over taking Beron’s previous ones. He wanted to burn those rooms down, wanted to feel his fire consume every remaining remnant of Beron on this plane of existence.

He turned it into additional servant’s quarters instead. His father would have hated it. Lucien was delighted at the news.

Walking through his chambers, a pang echoes through him at the missing toys across the floor, especially the wooden sword he had been tripping over all week, asking Atlas to put it away, his request falling on deaf ears. The floors looked so empty, the room too quiet, despite his children being gone for only a handful of hours.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he breathed in deeply, the scents of his family already several hours old, the rooms slightly colder without their body heat warming them, especially the younger ones, unable to properly regulate their powers yet.

He poured himself a glass of whiskey, sitting in the old leather chair that’s been in this room as long as he has. His amber eyes roam about the room, taking in every detail, despite very little physically ever changing about the room.

His mind wandered, opening doors into his past he had sealed shut. Doors he would give anything to forget where they sit, doors that he can hear screams from the other side of.

Without intending to, he stumbles through one of those doors, perhaps the largest and most foreboding of all.

The rag made a disgusting squishing noise as it met the tile of his bathroom. The pile was growing larger, his blood seeping out of the rags onto the floor.

He braced his hands on the counter, fingers gripping tightly to the marble counter, sucking in a breath through his teeth, trying not to think, to feel.

He grits his teeth, grinding them together as he pours more alcohol on the fresh rag, preparing himself for the sting.

He quickly placed the rag on his back, a small gasp coming from his lips at the pain. He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, and he sparks a flame on the tile, needing something to distract him.

He skitters the small flame across the floor, rubbing the rag across his torn and shredded back, the alcohol seeping into his wounds, sterilizing them from Beron’s cruelty.

If only he were given the same treatment.

He closed his eyes, breathing deep and slow, trying to stop the images flashing behind them.

Lucien, his baby brother, the best of them, running through the woods, intentionally taking the paths most covered in root.

Lucien, whose long hair resembled Eris’s, and whenever they smiled, they both had the ability to unsettle people.

Lucien, who was slightly taller and stockier than his big brother. Lucien, who spent his young and vulnerable years searching for Eris in every room. Lucien, who Eris took on walks through the woods, teaching him how to snare rabbits.

He was too late to save his lover, had barely arrived in time to send word to Tamlin and redirect Lucien’s running towards the border with Spring.

He had warned and warned and warned Lucien not to test Beron, that he would fail as a father, fail to do the right thing every time.

Lucien, the snarky bastard, could never resist biting back, always testing the boundaries of those around him.

Eris wasn’t surprised when his father had called him to his office one night, desperate for answers to how any son of his could dare be enchanted by a lesser fae. He was, however, more than surprised at Beron’s ridiculous plan for punishing Lucien: forcing Lucien to watch as they killed Jesminda and then killing Lucien.

He couldn’t look at himself, couldn’t believe that they had gotten here, to this point, to this ridiculous sham of a family.

He didn’t know what he was doing until the knife was in his hand, blindly sawing at his hair until the ground around him was covered in strokes of red.

He ignored the throbbing in his back as he moved his hands, ignored the warmth spreading down his back as the wounds reopened. The hacked hair began coating his chest and sticking to the blood on his back.

He stood in a pool of his past, years and years of decay around his feet, a ghost looking back at him in the mirror.

At least his hair was dead before he took the blade to it.

There was no sign of his brother in his reflection. Just a short crop of red hair and some creature looking back at him. Something new roared beneath his skin, some new sense of purpose.

He dropped the knife, the blade clattering against the floor, the sound echoing through the room, but he couldn’t hear it over the rushing of his thoughts, the one thought consuming him.

He knew what he had to do. He would kill Beron. For Lucien, for his mother, for his brothers, for Jesminda.

For himself.

He walked out of the bathroom, into his chambers, opening the large window. The wind was sharp on the wounds on his back, but he couldn't help being drawn into the night sky before him.

An endless sea of stars above him, ones he knows are watching him make poor decision after poor decision. But still they call to him in some language he can’t understand, something deep within him yearning for their company.

He put on a loose shirt, the fabric suffocating his wounds. He slipped through the open window, the night sky infinite before him. Treading through the woods, he walks through unmade paths, paths that one day his children will forge in these woods.

They will never know the path he took that night, searching in the moonlight for a body, disrespected and desecrated. It took him a few hours, but he found what remained of her, parts of her body missing from predation. He waves his hand to shoo off some birds, their annoyed caws growing softer as they flew away.

He uses the shovel he brought to break ground, the wounds in his back that had began healing reopening, fresh blood mingling with the sweat dripping down his back.

All he could feel was the night air, somehow colder without his brother. His hands blister as he digs and digs and digs, offering penance for an atrocity not of his own.

He didn’t know why he did it. Maybe it was the right thing to do, even though Eris was never able to properly discern between right and wrong. Was it out of respect for Jesminda, whose last moments were filled with nothing but terror and the worst the fae had to offer? Was it out of mourning for Lucien, his youngest brother gone forever? Was it penance for all the terrible things he had done in his life so far?

He pulls himself out of the hole, grunting as he gets out of the grave. He looks into it, thinking how easy it would be to just bury himself instead.

Will this be his end? A burial under the cover of darkness by someone he hardly knows?

Knees meet the dirt, his hands moving to her face. He never knew her, not really. Met her in passing at one of the markets in town. She gave him some pastry, her little stall so homey despite its impermanence.

Her eyes are open, not seeing anything. He offers a prayer to the Mother - for Jesminda, for Lucien, for everyone who comes into Beron’s orbit. He asks for safe passage for Jesminda, into whatever afterlife exists.

He closes Jesminda’s eyes, his movements slow and deliberate. He takes her arms - what’s left of them - crossing them against her chest. He fishes from his pocket, putting a gold coin in one hand and an apple in the other.

Food for the journey, to nourish the soul. Gold for enlightenment, a hope that Jesminda will receive some peace in the journey before her. He delicately kisses her on the forehead - a last touch, performed with love and selflessness. Words never before used to describe Eris Vanserra, words that won’t be used to describe him for centuries to come.

He gently scooped her into his arms, taking care to keep her head from rolling back. It shouldn’t matter. It didn’t matter.

Except to Eris it did.

He walked with her over to the grave he had dug, gently lowering himself into the grave. His knees bent, delicatelt placing her on the ground as his chanting continued, pleading for safe passage, for a better ending than this. For an opportunity to come back, for her to get anything better than this.

Her body presses into the ground, relaxing into what will be her final resting place. Eris climbs out of the grave, peering down at his brother’s lover. His brother’s hope for the future, cruelly ripped from him by their father.

He grabbed the shovel, beginning to scoop dirt over her. It felt wrong to do so without Lucien or an audience. But it had to happen.

Once the grave was completely covered, Eris walked over to a patch of asters, using the shovel to scoop several of the flowers up. He lowered them onto her grave, a marking of sorts as he patted the soil around it so the roots would stay in place.

He looked at the asters, their purple hues looking so bright in the moonlight. Words are on the tip of his tongue, begging to be let out to pay some form of respect for Jesminda.

But nothing comes out. After a long time, the inly noise around him the chirping of insects, he turns, treading back to the Forest House. His footsteps are quiet, but much heavier. He finds his window easily, taking one last look towards the night sky, wondering what their everlasting gaze would have to say about what they’ve seen before slipping back into his room.

But Eris isn’t there anymore. Many sleepless nights had been spent since then gazing at the stars, dreaming of a better life. Dreaming of the day he would get to see Lucien again, silently asking the stars for any help they could provide.

Eris never put much faith into the Mother, assuming she had forsaken him and left him to be on his own. Until he met you. You who walked on stardust and moonlit skies. You who facilitated a reconciliation between himself and Lucien.

Eris’s fingers push through his short hair, reminding himself of how far he has come since that fateful night. For the first time in a long time, his fingers ache to feel more length.

[myth-and-legend]

𝓐𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝓭𝓰𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝔂𝔁

Tw : death, grief, dark atmosphere, mention of despair, suspense, a bit of anxiety, poor writing. A/N: 1)The images do not belong to me, but the arrangement is my own.2)I’m referring to Hades from Greek mythology, not any other version. 3)I will probably make a sequel if anyone is interested. Number of words: 1127 Type: Fic

Death took you by surprise: a moment of life, then emptiness. Now, you find yourself among the souls of the deceased, trapped on the banks of the Styx. Without a coin to pay Charon, you are condemned to wander, watching others cross while you remain a prisoner of this endless waiting. The murmur of souls around you creates a strange melody, an echo of despair that envelops you.

As you wander, your gaze vacant, you suddenly feel a presence that chills you to the bone. The other souls scatter as if they know what is about to happen. You look up, and your heart skips a beat: Hades, the god of the Underworld, stands before you.

He is majestic and terrifying, dressed in deep black that seems to absorb all light. His eyes, dark and piercing, rest upon you. You feel vulnerable under his gaze, as if he could read every fragment of your soul. You want to speak, to explain why you are here, lost and hopeless, but the words fail you.

Hades says nothing. He stares at you, silent, his expression inscrutable. An eternity seems to pass as you look at each other, you trembling, he impassive. Then, without a word, he turns his eyes away and continues on his way.

You stand there, your heart heavy, with a strange feeling that he has seen something in you that even you do not yet understand.

`.-.. --- ...- .`

Time has no meaning here. Hours, days, maybe even years pass by without you truly noticing. The Styx remains the same, dark and oppressive, and the souls around you continue to drift in this void. You have almost become accustomed to this ghostly existence, but a part of you cannot resign itself to accept this stagnant eternity.

Then, one day—or night, it is impossible to say—your gaze falls upon something you had not noticed before. A coin, solitary, lying on the ground before you. It seems to almost shine in the surrounding darkness, like a promise of liberation. You pick it up, your fingers trembling around the cold metal. It is the key, your means to cross the Styx.

With the coin in hand, you head toward the bank where Charon waits, silent and motionless in his boat. His black, empty eyes fix on you, waiting for you to make a move. You feel his silent impatience, but it is your own heart that betrays you. You hesitate, your feet planted on the rocky ground, unable to advance. On the other side is the unknown waiting for you. A new stage in this existence, a new form of eternity.

The coin weighs heavily in your hand, as if it holds all the answers but also all the doubts. You wonder if this is really what you want. To leave, to abandon this place that has, despite everything, become familiar. An eternity spent here, wandering, suddenly seems less frightening than what might await you on the other side of the Styx.

Your hesitation stretches, each second turning into its own eternity. Then, a hand gently rests on your back. You turn abruptly, your breath catching in your throat.

It is Hades. His gaze remains as impassive as ever, but there is a certain softness in his voice when he finally speaks, breaking the silence that surrounds you.

“Are you not going to board?” he asks, his tone calm but tinged with a slight curiosity.

His intervention unsettles you. Until now, he had observed you from afar, without a word. But now that he is here, his presence forces you to confront your fear.

You feel his gaze upon you, waiting for your response. The moment has come to make a choice, and for the first time in a long while, the choice is yours.

After a long hesitation, you take a deep breath and, with a resolute gesture, extend your arm toward Charon. The coin, now laden with your hope and fears, falls into his skeletal hand. He examines it for a moment before stowing it away with a sharp movement and then invites you to board the boat.

You climb in cautiously, trying to calm your anxiety, and take a seat on one of the rough wooden benches. Hades follows, sitting directly opposite you. His grave demeanor and imposing presence create an atmosphere of heavy calm as the boat begins to glide on the Styx.

The river is a deep blue, almost tangible, and the darkness seems to deepen with each stroke of the oars. Hearing the soft lapping of the water against the sides of the boat, you lean a little over the edge to touch the water. As soon as your hand makes contact with the liquid, an intense cold grips you. You quickly pull your hand away, the icy water seeming to penetrate to your bones, leaving you with a chilling sensation.

Hades, silent, watches you as you straighten up. His dark and piercing eyes follow you, and though he says nothing, you feel he is attentive to every one of your movements. He then turns to the horizon, observing the misty path that stretches before you. The silence between you is almost palpable, broken only by the discreet sound of Charon's oars and the murmur of the water beneath the boat.

The crossing seems endless, each minute stretching in the darkness of the Styx. The dense fog that envelops the river obscures what awaits you on the other side, and the uncertainty weighs heavily on your shoulders. Your curiosity grows with each stroke of the oars, gnawing at you as you wonder what might be hidden in the shadows beyond the river.

`.-.. --- ...- .`

Long minutes pass, marked only by the gentle splash of the water and the creak of the boat. Thoughts swirl in your mind, leaving you anxious and impatient. Finally, the tension becomes too heavy to bear. You turn slightly toward the ferryman, trying to pierce the mystery of this interminable crossing.

In a nearly inaudible whisper, you ask, “Is there much time left before we arrive?”

Your voice is weak, almost drowned out by the river’s noise and the wind’s breath. Charon pays no attention, but Hades looks at you for a moment, his expression impenetrable and revealing no emotion. Then, with measured slowness, he responds:

“We have not arrived yet. Time here is… different.”

He turns his eyes back to the river, his gaze lost in the darkness. It seems that this answer only adds to your anxiety, but also to a certain relief. The journey continues, with each wave and each stroke of the oars gradually bringing you closer to the unknown that awaits.

This answer leaves you with more questions than answers. You say nothing and simply turn your gaze toward the endless expanse of water.

[devilboydogman]

Redrew this piece from over a year ago. I adore drawing Will Graham being Strange and Unsettling.

TW for screen readers: Semi-Graphic description of body horror/ gore in digital art starting after the second word ‘HERE.’

HERE.

[ID Two digital drawings by the same artist depicting essentially the same subject; Will Graham, arms covered in dark red blood up to his elbows. He is peeling his own skin away from his face, viscera tearing away in threads. One of his eyes is visible where dark red revealed vaguely where his face was. He is surrounded by a thicket of antlers. The background is a dark navy blue. The first drawing is less sharp and slightly less anatomically correct, with less antlers, with duller colors as well. There are some intestines hanging from the top of the Frame in the first image, but not the first. The second has sharper angles and Will has scars visible on his body from places he was injured in the tv series. He has dirt on his feet and legs, and the line-art is red. End ID]

[shunchitaro]

Sunato Banda x F!Y/N

Genre: ??? (literally when I write about Banda I have no idea if he fits the romance genre, gals it's prob obsession but oh well) Obsession TW: Sunato Banda, Stalking involved (?) ["My doctors can't explain My symptoms or my pain But you are my strange addiction"]

Y/N L/N had entered the Jack of Hearts game with Chishiya Shuntaro.

"Why are you even here again? Didn't you say you wanted to go with Kuina?" Chishiya asked plainly, hands in his pockets as they stood outside the game arena.

"Not like I had a choice, Cheese Boy. You're just saying that because you don't want to be with someone annoying as me, right?"

"You said that yourself- ow" Y/N interrupted midsentence, pulling a generous amount of his hair harshly. "Y/N what the hell! I've just washed my hair with conditioner, don't ruin it" "Jerk, sometimes I don't know why i'm friends with you"

Chishiya was Y/N's best friend before the borderlands. They grew up together since his father knew hers, and Y/N was constantly at his house so he says he had 'no choice but to befriend that annoying monkey'.

"Whatever. Just be sensible and stick to me. This is a Hearts game, so you can't trust anyone but me. Okay?"

"I know, i'm not stupid"

_____________________

They stepped into the game area, collars locked around their necks. Chishiya glanced around, eyeing everyone in the room.

"He looks fishy, maybe he's the Jack" Y/N murmured to Chishiya, who turned to her and subtly followed her gaze to a male with kempt black hair. He wore a blue polo shirt lousily tucked into his grey pants. He stood at a corner next to another male with his bangs over one of his eyes- he wore a striped polo underneath a grey cardigan. "You think the blue polo guy is the Jack?" Y/N asked a little too blatantly, catching the male's attention from across the room. His mouth twisted into a small smirk and he began striding towards the two.

"Crap, he must have heard me." Y/N muttered.

The male stood before them glancing at the two silently, the same small smirk still plastered on his face. His expression made Y/N L/N feel unsettled.

"I heard you speaking about me. There's no need to be shy to approach me.. I don't bite" He laughed before holding out his hand. "Sunato Banda, it's a pleasure to meet people who are interested in me."

Y/N's eyes drifted to Chishiya who just stared at Sunato blankly, probably trying to read him. She noticed that Chishiya's eyebrows knit together for a split second, and she didn't blame him. Sunato Banda wasn't easy to read, his smirk didn't show any ill intention, but his eyes had a glint to them- a glint that the both couldn't understand. Y/N reached out and quickly shook hands with Sunato so as to not make the atmosphere awkward. He gripped her hand firmly as they shook hands, before he planted a soft kiss on her wrist.

"Your hand feels smooth. It suits you, Y/N."

Y/N's eyes shot up to meet his, surprise etched in her orbs. "H..how do you know my name?" She stammered, withdrawing her hand from him. "This isn't the first time I've encountered you" He said, his smirk growing wider. Y/N could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest as she stared at the man in pure disbelief. Without warning, he laughed yet again.

"Gosh, I'm kidding. You look cute when you're shocked. I saw your name on the screen over there, when people join the game, their name and image shows up on the screen."

Chishiya and Y/N immediately turned to where Sunato was pointing to see that he wasn't wrong, everyone's names including theirs were recorded on the huge tv screen on the wall. Y/N could hear Chishiya softly let out a sigh of relief; and Y/N also breathed out with the same feeling, not even realizing she had held her breath.

"Let's team up. This is Eiji Matsushita, he teamed up with me. This is a game of trust, and I assure you that we are both trustworthy. What do you say to make an alliance?" Sunato asked the both of them.

Y/N opened her mouth to reply but Chishiya beat her to it. "Thank you for the offer, but we'll work alone. It's better to work in smaller groups, so when a ruckus is caused everybody can worry about themselves easily. Let's go, Y/N"

_______________

The amount of people slowly decreased and as Chishiya predicted there was a ruckus, people losing trust in others or voting who to secretly tell the wrong symbol to, guessing who the Jack could possibly be. The two were sitting together in the food area, munching absentmindedly on biscuits and chocolates.

Y/N's eyes drifted to the other table nearby to see Eiji sitting alone, staring at an empty packet of Dairy Milk.

"Cheese, do you have any guess who the Jack is?" She asked, only to get no response. "Chishiya" she turned back to see him staring at her, his hand holding out the packet of biscuits he was still munching on.

"You should try this, it tastes great." He replied nonchalantly, making Y/N scoff and snatch the biscuits away from him. "You women are so rude. I just offer biscuits, and you turn me down. I'm to handsome to be rejected, you know." He raised his eyebrows, his lips lifting into that teasing smile that annoyed Y/N so much.

"Who says your handsome? And stop that, we aren't here for you to act like a sweet innocent cookie-selling boy scout. We should focus. Who do you think is the Jack?" She asked him, regaining his attention.

"I have an idea but I won't tell you. You're smart, figure it out yourself" he shrugged, and she scoffed hitting the back of his head with her empty biscuit box.

"How about you, who do you think?" He asked her, rubbing his head

"I think it's that Sunato guy. He asks so strangely, and he seems unaffected after all the chaos and loss of game attendees. It's like he knows it's going to happen- like he planned all of this."

"I have my suspicion, and I agree with you. He's unreadable, earlier when we first got here I couldn't understand what his motives are. But I don't think he's the Jack, someone else fits the description of a Jack." Chishiya spoke calmly, sending a furtive glance to Eiji.

"Say what you want, but I really think it's that Sunato guy. If i'm wrong, I'll eat an entire bag of those biscuits you offered me earlier." She said confidently, and he smiled.

"Silly girl, whatever works for you."

________________

The game ended and Y/N was perplexed to see that Eiji was the Jack the whole time.

"That's impressive, Cheese. Eiji was the least suspicious person for me. He was always so quiet and he even seemed nervous of dying." She said as they strolled out of the game area.

"Impressive? Y/N, I'm Shuntaro Chishiya. This isn't impressive, it's the usual."

"Stop boasting or I'll bash your head against the wall."

"How about you eat the biscuits? I won after all"

She searched through her pockets then his, and smiled triumphantly. "You didn't bring any, and I didn't. I don't have to taste it, thank goodness"

"You hate the biscuits that much?" "It's only for clowns" "Haha, funny"

Y/N glanced at the sky for a few moments.

"Chishiya, i'll just get more supplies and food stocks before it gets too dark. We can find the others tomorrow." She informed him and he nodded, so she went off.

_________________

Y/N was gathering supplies and canned food into her backpack and turned around to leave, but bumped into a chest. She looked up to apologize but froze, the hair on the back of her neck tingling as she saw who it was.

"Funny seeing you here. I didn't see you after the game so I thought that dumb blonde (you'll always be a dumb blonde, ba ba ba da da da~) decided to lie to you about your symbol." Sunato Banda smirked yet again, making Y/N feel unsettled.

"He would never lie to me. Why are you here anyways?" She asked

"I want you to come with me." He said out of the blue

"Why should I?"

He had reached for her wrist dragging her along, Y/N failed to fight him off so she reluctantly followed.

They entered a shabby room on the second floor of an old apartment complex just nearby. Y/N was astonished as she took in her surroundings. The floor was mopped clean of dust and the windows were clear. The sofa was neat and the throw pillows had clean sheets on. Even the electric battery-stove had a kettle burning on it.

Before Y/N could react, Sunato pushed her to sit down on the sofa heading to the kitchen area to probably get refreshments.

"Here..I got this specially for you." He mentioned calmly, placing a tray of food before her.

Y/N froze, seeing the contents of the tray.

On the tray was a hot cup of tea, and right beside it was something Y/N wasn't expecting.

Right beside the cup of tea was a bag of the exact same biscuits Chishiya was offering her during the Jack of Hearts game.

Sunato leaned forward, the same smirk plastered on his lips, his eyes darkening ever so slightly as he held up the bag of biscuits towards her.

"It was an honor to be one of your suspicions during the game. But you do have a point, right? I do seem strange and unaffected during the game."

'How does he knows I said that about him?'

Y/N could hear her heart thumping in her chest. She could feel sweat trickling down her forehead as she held her breath, her gaze frozen on his.

"What are you playing at?" She snapped, her voice crack giving away her fear.

His smirk grew wider, shaking the bag in his hand as the sound of the biscuits shaking inside filled the room. The atmosphere felt thick and uncomfortable, the energy radiating from the male in a blue polo unknown yet unsettling.

"I don't think it would be fair on Chishiya Shuntaro if you don't keep your promise on the bet.. don't you think?"

Y/N felt a pang of bravery in herself and used that small ounce of strength left in her to shove Sunato and run out the room, his laugh ringing in her ears as she stumbled down the flight of stairs back to her temporary place with Chishiya.

She arrived at the makeshift campout, panting heavily. Y/N then felt her delayed reaction, her legs shaking and turning to jelly, the hair on her arms still tingling against her skin. Chishiya got up and went to her, catching her as her legs gave way.

"Woah, are you okay? What happened? Where have you been?"

His questions were nonsense to her ringing ears, all she could hear was the dry eerie laugh that erupted from Banda as she rushed down the stairs out of the apartment complex. She could still smell the cup of tea, and the shaking of the biscuit bag.

Whoever the man in the blue polo was, Y/N didn't want to think about his name ever again.

However, a few hundred meters away from where she was, Sunato Banda sat on the very spot Y/N sat on in the couch, staring at the cup of tea that had now gone cold, the bag of biscuits still in his hand.

The man in the blue polo wouldn’t forget the girl that placed a bet because she assumed he was Jack of Hearts.

And he certainly wouldn’t forget the feeling of her soft palm as he shook her hand.

He wanted to feel it again.

A/N: Helloo, sorry I haven't been writing. I've been super busy since I just finished my junior moving up ceremony and I'm fixing my enrollment for senior high. Apologies if Sunato is slightly ooc, i did my best. I got motivated after I read a tumblr on this so it's slightly inspired. I hope you enjoy! You may put up requests on the Author's Note section before all the oneshots :)) Have a great day!

[nikofortuna]

JTTW Chapter 46 Thoughts

Chapter 46 for the @journeythroughjourneytothewest Reading Group! TW: discussion of body horror and Psychological Horror under the cut, as in I will be giving my own creative descriptions on the three Immortals’ inner feelings as they realize they are in fact about to die.

The reminder of Sun Wukong being a hyperactive monkey makes this ever so real. He is very neurodivergent once more.

Also Tang Sanzang taking the initiative! Seems like character development to me.

It is very adorable how supportive Sun Wukong is. Also accurate, as far as I can remember that monk can’t lie to save his own life.

Hehe, centipede moustache for the Immortal.

Very nice that the silver tongue of the historical Xuanzang is shining through a bit in this round.

One could interpret Tang Sanzang’s words as him calling his disciples, who are monks for all intends and purposes, treasures.

I am not sure if it is just me but I don’t find all these, what should be instances of body horror, particularly unsettling at all. The situations seem really more funny than anything. Perhaps I am desensitized on that front from reading the likes of Junji Itou before. Though it might also be that I just have no great care for gory things, because to me simply having a body is horror in and of itself, so I kind of have to be used to that and external wounds are much less scary to me than diseases and all that harms from the inside.

Besides unless there is a component of psychological horror to it as well it is just not all that impactful in my eyes. Only when I actually imagine the Daoists realizing in horror they are about to die and think of their emotions and what must be going through their heads in those moments does it have a scary undertone to it.

Like imagine having your head cut off and while it is no big deal at first, after your head does not come back the first time you call, your calls become increasingly more desperate and terrified until your voice gives out because you are dead.

Or having your insides in your own hands and while that is not problem to you as you can just put them back, enter the hawk snatching them up and you are left to stare from the hawk in the sky back at your empty hands with the dreadful knowledge settling in that you are already dead.

Or feeling the oil start to boil and desperately trying to claw your way out of the cauldron, but to no avail until you are finally dead.

I’d argue the first one had the least horrific death as it was a quick one and I can imagine him being so focused on calling for his head that, even though the dread is there, he didn’t even quite process what exactly was going on having neither the focus nor time.

Meanwhile the second one has the focus to realize.

The last one was most clearly described as distressing in the novel but only in one small sentence. Either way this one has the time to realize. Plus this is extra harrowing because goats are notoriously good climbers.

Now those mental images, those read as truly scary to me.

[satanicsanity]

It’s me, Konoha!

I need to see an interaction with Wally and your Persona.

I feel like it’s either going to go well.. or into chaos 😂😂😂 (in my honest opinion, I feel like it’s going to from wholesome to chaotic!

I was actually really excited to make this one- haha!! It was fun!! <3 usually when I'm doing an impression of two characters, I find an image of them in a photo together! But.. This was my persona so.... I kinda just shoved them into a photo with wally- haha!

‼️please go support wally's ACTUAL voice actor, @DaFrankiestein!🩷🩷🩷‼️

The art & characters (besides my persona, the clown character) used are by clown/party coffin!🩷Go support them and donate to their Kofi of you can!

Tw: Clown & possibly unsettling voice!

Subtitles:

Wally: Hello?? Is someone down here? Anyone?

Satanic: Helloo? Oh! How nice is it to see a farmilar face here for once! Hello! You're Wally darling, right? How nice of you to visit me!

Wally: wait a second! Wait.. Who are you???

Satanic: You don't remember me? Typical typical! It's okay! Things are kind of hard to remember when they become so old! I'm satanic, it's nice to finally see you again!

Wally: How long have you been down here?? You look a little... Black and white..

Satanic: Hahaha! You've always said such interesting things! ..I don't actually know! Time is a bit funny down here... But thank you for coming to visit! It gets awfully lonely

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Theory on “Welcome Home” by my sister and me

Why we think that Home is the main villain and why we think that Wally is the only one left/his friends disappeared due to Home. 

Includes Spoilers(?) for a lot of the hidden secrets of the Welcome Home website.

I have no idea if someone already came to similar conclusions. We are both still very new in the fandom (we have known “Welcome Home” for three days by now) and came up with this during breakfast so if you know theories which are similar, just know that we genuinely didn’t want to copy anyone. 

TWs: Jumpscare (?), Scopophobia, Horror/creepy themes, unsettling image

-------------------------------------------

While talking about the currently unknown situation of the characters, we came to the conclusion that Wally is the only one left, that his friends disappeared, that Home is the main villain of the arg and is responsible for the disappearing of Wally’s friends as well as that Wally actually isn’t evil or twisted at all but that he just tries to keep the viewer/”You” away from Home/the truth because he’s scared, but I will come back to that in a second.

This post is structured in (...) parts:

Why we think that Wally is the only one left/that his friends disappeared

The reason why Home let his friends disappear

Why we think that Wally isn’t evil but rather tries to cover up everything

Explanations for the scenes where Wally seems creepy and threatening 

The reason why he sent the old material to the restoration team but still tries to cover up things/Is there a restoration team?

The Guest book (Which plays a main role in this theory since we found the most proof which supports our theory there)

Conclusion

Now let's get started.

1. Why we think that Wally is the only one left in the neighborhood and why we think that his friends disappeared:

One of the main proofs for this part of our theory, is the fact that the character descriptions of all the characters, besides the description of Wally and the hidden one for “You”, are written in the past tense. Wally’s description and the one of “You” however, are written in the present tense. 

Now it makes sense for the description of “You” to be written in the present since “You” is literally the viewer. “You” is you as you are browsing through the website, engaging with the content but what does that mean for the descriptions of the characters?

In this context, it only makes sense, that the others are gone and all that is left about them, is the old material like merchandise and information about them from the show itself. With Wally’s description written in the present tense, however, it implies that he is still there and due to this, the only left. 

Another proof for this, is the fact that under each description, stands “Go back” while under Wally’s description stands “Good Bye”. Clicking on this link will simply lead you back to the overview of the neighborhood. While this can mean many things and while it does give off a somewhat creepy vibe, we came up with the theory that it’s literally just “You” saying goodbye to Wally after leaving his house again. After all, you click on the houses and “enter” them, in order to “meet” the characters and read information about them. 

Now with the others gone, you can’t say goodbye to anyone since the houses are empty. All that is left are the memories about them but Wally is still there, in his home. Due to this, when you enter his house, you can say goodbye to someone since it isn’t empty like the other houses. 

Also the blurry lines here in this picture, could imply that the things said here are only a memory of Wally.

But where are his friends, and I say friends because the website and Wally’s replies in the guest book make it very clear that he views them as such. 

This question actually leads us to the next part of our theory:

2. The reason why we think that Home is the one responsible for the disappearing of the other characters instead of Wally:

Home clearly plays a huge role in the events and it seems to be a very powerful character too. However, very little is known about it.

The only thing about Home we know for sure, is that it’s very much alive and the only house in the neighborhood which is a character itself. The other houses are simply normal houses without a life of their own. This gets stated in the character description of Wally. 

Now why do we think that Home is the one who let the other characters disappear and why didn’t it let Wally disappear too.

The main point for this, is the portal/void which can be found underneath Home if you remove the image of Home.

It’s pretty likely that the others disappeared through whatever this black hole is since it’s the only known exit out of what seems like the whole world of “Welcome Home” itself.

 Now since this portal is directly underneath Home, it’s likely that Home has something to do with it or is directly connected with it in some way. 

The portal is also obviously well hidden though so it doesn’t seem like something the other neighbors knew about. 

Wally, however, is still in the world of “Welcome Home” and doesn’t seem like he ever left/can leave.

 He tries to communicate with the outside world through staring at the screen, unlike other characters who usually never directly look at the screen outside of concept art and he picks up contact with “You” and the restoration team indirectly, through letters and hidden messages.

 Also, the cut scene where he tells the viewer that he can’t see them, makes it seem like he is somewhat stuck in that world and is unable to leave for now, even though a portal is right there.

 The other characters, however, are gone and the portal seems like the only option to leave. So why can’t Wally leave and if Home is “in charge” of the portal, why won’t it let him leave too?

The conclusion to which we came is that he tried/did something which angered Home and as a punishment, it took away his friends and made him unable to leave the world, forcing him to live in loneliness with Home as his only company/”friend”. 

Maybe, he tried to communicate/did openly communicate with the outside world (maybe he and the others even left the outside world (maybe they produced the series which was known in our world there) leaving Home who couldn’t follow behind, so now it makes Wally suffer in loneliness just like it did then.) angering Home with this, so this is the punishment for it. 

After all, Wally seems to be scared of Home and a lot of actions he does seem to be done in order to soothe Home, in order to prevent further harm caused by it. 

This picture, for example, seems like he’s trying to soothe Home in some way/beg it not to cause harm to whoever it looks at here. 

My sister also pointed out that Home looks directly at the viewer instead of at Wally so maybe he’s trying to prevent Home from making the viewer disappear too. 

Maybe it is also a kind of flashback, showing a part of what happened in the past.

Also the audio where he sings a part of “Beautiful Dreamer” to Home partly seems to be an action he might do because he is thinking about the old times, after all he stated that Barnaby taught him the lyrics of the song, but it could also be done to keep Home entertained.

 The part where he stops and asks Home if it liked the song, telling it that he doesn’t know the rest of the lyrics since Barnaby only taught him until this part, also seems like a backhanded reproach for making his friends disappear but it also kind of confirms that only Wally and Home are left, again. (If he were still there, I could go ask him and sing the rest of the song to you.)

After all, if Barnaby and the others would be still there, he could just go to him and ask him to teach him the rest of the lyrics.

In the Guest Book, Wally also stated that he loves his friends and the old art shows that he was close with them so we highly doubt that he was the one who made them disappear. 

With that, we also come to the third part:

3. Why we think that Wally isn’t evil and why he tries to cover up everything:

As already mentioned, Wally genuinely seemed to love his friends and seemed to be close with them so we highly doubt that he made them disappear but if Wally isn’t the one who made them disappear, then why would he cover everything up instead of openly seeking help?

A possible explanation for it could be that he doesn’t want Home to cause any more harm, this time to the viewer so he tries to keep anyone far away from Home and vice versa. 

He also only, as already mentioned, talks directly to the viewer, either in the Guest Book (which doesn’t count as the outside world since the people who wrote in the guest book were in his home and wrote something in it there and he only replies to what they said), or through hidden messages (white font on white background in the Guest Book; in separate tabs;...)  seemingly hiding his replies from people who don’t search for hidden clues and seemingly hiding it from something in his world too, (Home?). 

He also seems to be grieving after his friends. 

A clue for this is the fact that the old pictures of the other character which were sent by the restoration team are completely damaged and drawn over with his paint. 

It has to be his paint since firstly, the colors used are mainly the colors which are usually resonated with him and secondly, since it’s paint and he is the only character who’s shown to be painting/shown to be a painter. 

Messing up old pictures with them but not completely destroying them, seems more like a thing, done out of desperation and grief upon losing them, after entering the stage of grief where one is trying to erase all the memories of a person but not being able to get rid of everything due to the emotional attachment to the person which is still very much present, instead of some kind of a ritual or a thing which was done with evil intent. 

In a lot of messages, he also seems like he wants to make the viewer stop his search for hints and clues about what happened.

 One of the messages where this is the most obvious, is when he tells the viewer that they “wandered off to far” in a separate tab sending them back to the neighborhood seemingly trying to make them stay in the neighborhood instead of trying to discover what’s hidden in new tabs. 

Also the further you come with your investigation, the more creepy and direct his “warnings” get. 

Speaking of creepy, there are a lot of scenes and details, where Wally comes off as creepy and twisted which leads us to the next point which is

4. Trying to explain scenes where Wally comes off as creepy and threatening in the context of this theory that he isn’t evil or twisted:

1. The hidden scene in one of the tabs/Wally’s first time completely revealing himself to “You:

The scene where he seems the most threatening and creepy got to be the one where he asks the viewer if they can see him, telling them that he can’t see them but if they can see them, they have to stay quiet. 

Now why this scene definitely seems threatening and creepy, and while it can be interpreted in many ways, from genuine threat to a warning, here is our theory about this scene. 

If you find this secret scene, it is clear that you are already aware that something is going on behind the happy and colorful facade and that you searched for clues and hints but also that you are already a lot closer to the truth than others. 

Due to this, we think that Wally is now showing himself openly, in a hidden tab, again hidden away from clueless viewers and maybe also hidden away from Home, telling you once more to stop searching for clues or at least to do so discreetly.

 It seems like you’ve come so close to the truth that he is now forced to step fully in action, showing himself directly but doing so hidden away from anyone besides you.

 He is aware that there is someone from the outside watching him and trying to figure out what happened, but he can’t see “You” yet. 

Now it doesn’t make much sense to tell you to stay quiet if you are already so deep in/if they can see him here, if he would really want to find and harm the viewer himself.

 It seems more like one final threat/warning and an indirect hint that not only he is aware of the viewer but also someone else which can only be Home and that the viewer should stay quiet in order not to be found by Home too.

He’s openly informing us about some danger and while he makes it unclear if he is the danger or Home, in regards to all the clues, it seems like Home is the danger of which he is warning the viewer and that they should stay quiet because of Home.

2. “Wally is your best friend.”

This sentence which appears in the hidden character description of “You”, can be read in a neutral manner, it can be read as friendly or as eerie and possessive.

However, firstly it would make sense that he is your best friend since he is the only one left besides Home and if it’s true that he tries to keep the viewer far away from Home due to the danger striving from it, it’s clear that we can’t be best friends with the only other living being left in that world. 

The possessive vibe can also come from him, finally having someone to interact with again after so long and him not wanting to lose yet another neighbor/friend again. After all, he has been alone since supposedly the 70s since this is when the show was abruptly stopped for unknown reasons. 

3. The Barnaby patch on his armchair and the Barnaby photograph in the newspaper. 

While a lot of people (including me) jumped directly to the conclusion that Wally killed Barnaby, I doubt that he did so by now.

One of the most likely explanations is, that he made Barnaby himself, also in regards of this shich can be found on Clown's website, which portrays Wally and a headless Barnaby where Wally exclaimed that he "made a dog".

(However the pictures on Clown’s website aren’t really canon anymore since they are from when Welcome Home was in its beginning stages and a lot has changed since then and I don’t know how far those pictures can be used for a theory.)

Also talking about this picture, it could also be that Wally tried to make a Barnaby after the real one disappeared and the fact that Barnaby has no head here, symbolizes that he isn’t the real one but rather a puppet resembling Wally’s old friend.

Another theory is that he kept that part as a memory of Barnaby. Maybe he did make him and had some fabric left which he sewed on his armchair as a memory after Barnaby disappeared. 

The newspaper article is probably closely related to what happened in the neighborhood, since Wally has a finger over it, kind of hiding the picture from the viewer. 

Maybe it’s an article about Barnaby missing since the photo looks a lot like those used for articles about missing people.

But I doubt that he killed Barnaby.

5. The reply “You don’t like me neighbor.” to a Guest Book entry saying that they hope that Wally isn’t evil or else they would be super bummed:

If his friends really disappeared as punishment from Home for Wally, it is likely that he feels guilty for what happened and views himself as evil.

Maybe he is the reason why Home turned evil or maybe he is the reason why Home came to life at all so now he blames himself for his actions despite not being what is viewed as evil.

4. Why did Wally send stuff to the restoration team?/Is there a restoration team?

While thinking about everything, we started to question if there is a restoration team since it also seemed likely that Wally is the one who is in charge of the page, but by now we think that Wally just has access to the page in some way but that there is a restoration team. A proof for that is the gloved human hand in the photo which shows one of the damaged pictures. It would be hard to fake this for a literal puppet.

However, it is clear that Wally is the one who sends the restoration team all the material. After all, who else should have all the material and the knowledge of a forgotten show and why should the person stay anonymous and use colorful envelopes, like the ones in the world of “Welcome Home”. Also there is Wally’s hand on a lot of the photos which show some of the material so I think it’s very clear that he sends all of this to the restoration team.

After all these years, he seems to have found a way to communicate with the outside world again.

But why would he send all of this when he tries to cover up the most anyways?

Our guess is that he wants to remind people of the show again, keeping the memory of his friends upright and maybe he wants to send his friends, wherever they might be, a sign that he is still very much alive.

However, he doesn’t want anyone to find out the truth and wants to keep everyone away from Home, either out of shame or because he doesn't want that anything happens again but with people slowly discovering what happened, he starts to take action to scare people away from the secret and from Home. 

5. The Guest Book:

In the Guest Books are so many hidden clues for so much things. 

Not only did we find replies which seem to be by Barnaby which implies that 

Wally tries to act like Barnaby in order to prevent people from guessing that they are gone but there is also stuff like him drawing over replies which suggest that something is going on here/that there are many secrets on this website and replies of Wally which try to change the topic when people ask how’s it going over there (p.ex. him writing stuff like “Apple” to a question like this).

 He also states in the Guest Book that he did in fact love his friends a lot but also him interacting with people who search for clues through white font on white background, asking if they are searching for him, openly showing himself even though in a hidden way, can be found in the Guest Book.

Conclusion: 

All in all, we think that Wally isn’t evil due to him seemingly trying to keep the viewer away from Home, warning them in an indirect way and him hiding from something, even though he does interact with people openly through the Guest Book.

 However the interactions in the Guest Book take place in his own world and every interaction with the outside world, outside of the guest book is hidden in some way.

 He also genuinely seemed to be close with his friends and there are clues which imply him grieving after them, trying to get rid of any memories of them but not being able to do so due to him still being emotionally attracted,  like the pictures of them which were damaged but not fully destroyed by him.

All over the website are hidden clues which suggest that the other characters are all gone and that he and Home are the only ones left. However, it seems like he can’t leave and is somewhat stuck in the neighborhood/his world. 

We came up with the theory that Home is actually the one who let them disappear as a form of punishment for Wally for something he did, probably for leaving the neighborhood with his friends to the outside world where they produced the show in the 70s, leaving Home behind so now it makes him suffer in loneliness as a punishment for this.

A lot of images also suggest that Wally is actually scared of Home and tries to soothe it/keep it entertained in order to prevent any more harm caused by it but he also once seems to make a backhanded reproach to it for making his friends disappear when telling it that he can’t continue singing the song to it since Barnaby only taught him this part of it.

Wally also seems to try to keep the viewer as far from the truth and from Home as possible, getting slowly more and more direct with his warnings until he even seems threatening in the hidden tab where he tells the viewer that they should stay quiet if they can see him in this tab, suggesting that they are already far too deep in and most likely giving them a last warning to stay away from Home and the truth. Most likely he does so in order to prevent Home from causing harm to the viewer. 

It’s likely that he only sended the material to the restoration team after finding a way to communicate with the outside world after all these years, in order to gain some company again, to send his friends, wherever they are, a sign that he is still very much alive and to keep the memory of his friends upright but he didn’t really wanted that people find out what happened so with people starting to get closer to the truth, he is forced to take action himself, scaring them away though interactions which are hidden away from viewers which are unaware of what’s going on and hidden away from Home as well. 

While there is one reply in the Guest Book which suggests that he views himself as evil, it is likely that he might blame himself for what happened but if it’s true that Home took his friends away as a punishment, it’s only logic that he blames himself and therefore views himself as evil. 

Maybe he also is the reason why Home came to life at all or maybe he is responsible for his friends disappearing through Home without wanting it. 

However, all the scenes where Wally seems to be evil and unhinged, can actually be viewed in multiple ways often and could be made like this in order to mislead the viewer into thinking that Wally is the main villain when in truth he is only trying to keep the viewer away from Home out of fear that Home takes them away too. 

Or Wally just got a bit funky in his time where he lived alone with only Home as company. 

However, this is all just one big theory and it’s also kind of messy with a lot of interpretation since there isn’t a lot known about Wally’s and Home’s true motives but at this moment, we do think that Home is the one who made them disappear to punish Wally, that Wally tries to simply keep the viewer away from Home to prevent Home from making them disappear too and that all the scenes where he seems creepy and threatening are only made like this in order to mislead the viewer into thinking that Wally is the main villain but also in order to scare them away from trying to uncover the truth.  

[colorcodedbeanies]

S2E2-"Grilled"

Long pause between updates there. I've backlogged a bunch of episode notes that I'll hopefully be releasing in batches.

TW: Racism, elder abuse, ableism

Ok so I took these notes a few days ago and the first thing that greets me is "car looks like its fucking the sand", with the sub point "put that in the post". I hope this provides insight into the rigorous intellectual process I work with.

The cop scene is basically an endless series of hits, enough that its difficult to not just transcribe it fully. Tuco's head is mounted on a shooting target by Hank, who talks floridly about interrogating his meth-hag girlfriend and then does a whole routine about apologizing to hr for using the word "hard-on" in the presence of ladies, which is frankly only further fuel to the fire in terms of eroticism literally being criminal in Breaking Bad. He comments on Mexico, saying to general agreement "We all know what's going on down there. We sure as hell don't want it going on up here." which is just. Very interesting considering next episode is going to open with two men illegally crossing the border. Finally, when Gomez asks him if he really thinks they'll track him down, he laughs it off, commenting that its about "keeping up appearances". If he's implying that most of the DEA's work is about the appearance of stopping bad guys and saving good guys....well! He said it not me.

Skyler is hesitant about describing Walter as depressed, especially in front of his son. Even in front of the guy who (theoretically) is trying to find him and needs information, saving the face of the middle class white patriarch takes precedence. She softens it to simple stress. This is echoed again later when Marie blurts out Hank's knowledge about the second cellphone. Sure, Hank is very possibly trying not to add more emotional strain onto his sister-in-law. But he's also denying her information (and in his mind, possibly even covering for Walt's affair). They may be more comfortable possibly letting him die than they are ruining his image as a good family man.

I didn't expect to emerge out of this as a WaltTuco truther but literally what am I meant to take from Walt momentarily imagining Tuco as Skyler appearing to him and telling him that she understands.

The yard is littered with a lot of broken toys. While I'm not super thrilled with the way this visually suggests Hector as another "broken" thing in the house, I do think it lends itself into an understanding of Tuco as ultimately, a bit of an overgrown child. I don't say that to be infantilizing. Trauma, especially as a child, can freeze up your mental development a little bit. Tuco tends to approach his circumstances with a very simply and childlike logic. His paranoia (tragically unable to ever catch the actual threats) is his special powers, his visions of the future. While talking about No-Doze and Gonzo he's clearly seeking out some absolution, insisting "I was good to him! I was good!". None of this, of course, makes Tuco any less dangerous or unstable. But he's a lot more vulnerable than Walt (or arguably, the audience) gives him credit for. He takes personal betrayals of his love aso wildly personally, and seeks escape in drugs when he fails to threaten people into staying loyal to him.

So there's a clear disability horror going on with Hector. The first level of that is inherently ableism, implying that there's something unsettling about being in the proximity of someone with an atypical body and atypical means of expression. The second level (and I believe the unintentional one) is the horror movie happening inside Hector's own perspective, seeing a threat to someone who you, in your own fucked up way, love, and being unable to effectively communicate about it because Tuco is not intuitive with how he approaches Hector's communication needs. Regardless I think it is important that treating Hector like an object fucks over everyone, Walt, Jesse, Tuco, and Hank in the next episode.

Speaking of ableism, though, in a rare Jesse L he does briefly position his life as inherently more valuable than Walt's, because Walt's going to be dead soon anyways. Notably Walt does advocate for his life in a way that he did not when chemo was on the table. Still, Jesse, there are so many better reasons Walt should kill himself for your sake.

At this point I don't even need to do analysis, I can just tell you Skyler says "Marie, you don't get hooked on pot like that" and you can put the pieces together yourself. Post-War on Drugs American normalcy challenge Any% never passed never succeeded.

So I'm not going to quibble with Walt and Jesse trying to kill Tuco, or even (for once) Hank succeeding. The guy was an active threat to all parties involved and his life is taken in self-defense. But I want to highlight this line in particular: "We tried to poison you. Because you're an insane, degenerate piece of filth, and you deserve to die." Given how Walt's historically used the term I think its fair to read "degenerate" as interchangeable with "junkie". So of all the reasons Walt has decided to highlight that Tuco might need to die here....the ones he highlights are "junkie" and "mentally ill".

Jesse kicks Tuco into a hole hope this doesn't foreshadow anything in his future.

[sssrha]

Haunting

lxc/nhs, xisang week 2022, prompt: ghosts

tw: someone with mental health issues is treated awfully and their suffering is intentionally increased

read it below or on ao3

Lan Xichen sucks on the hard candy that Wei Wuxian had brought him from Caiyi Town, carefully observing the scene in front of him. Nie Huaisang is sitting, back straight, on his floor, gazing patiently back at him. His smile is serene as he leisurely flaps his fan and Lan Xichen can’t help but feel slightly nauseous.

“What do you want?” he finally asks without preamble. There’s no need for niceties when talking to men like Nie Huaisang—the only thing it will get you is manipulation.

Nie Hausiang flicks his fan shut. “Your help.”

“Hm,” says Lan Xichen. He continues to suck on the candy, savoring the sugar-sweet flavor as he tries to figure out what Nie Huaisang wants. They haven’t talked since the last Discussion Conference—and they haven’t really talked since that day in Yunping—but Lan Xichen still feels the last vestiges of betrayal swimming deep in his gut. It would be easy—too easy—to turn Nie Huaisang away right here and now. What does Lan Xichen owe him? Nie Huaisang has no power here, not when he has invaded Lan Xichen’s home.

Still, because he is honorable and just and everything that the man across from him is not, he says, “Explain.”

“I’m being haunted.”

“Haunted,” Lan Xichen says blankly. “Sect Leader Nie, you have your own disciples who can deal with this.”

“But none of them can,” explains Nie Huaisang. “And you’re one of the most powerful cultivators of our generation.”

“You’d have better luck with Wei Wuxian,” Lan Xichen points out. In fact, he goes to walk out of the Hanshi, to go and retrieve his brother-in-law. Maybe, that way, he can finally put an end to this disaster of a meeting.

Nie Huaisang immediately shakes his head. “Second Brother, I really don’t think he would be keen on helping me.”

Incredulously, before he can stop himself, Lan Xichen demands, “And you think that I am?”

Nie Huaisang’s lips thin. He continues to fan himself but his movements are sharper now—jerkier. Lan Xichen has touched a nerve. Good, he thinks viciously. To his displeasure, though, Nie Huaisang simply soldiers on. “Regardless, I’m in need of aid. Are you going to turn me away?”

Lan Xichen stares at the vile man who has ruined his life. Maybe he will turn Nie Huaisang away—maybe he will throw him out of the Hanshi, leaving him with no choice but to go and confront Wei Wuxian. Maybe he’ll ban Nie Huaisang from the Cloud Recesses altogether. Maybe he’ll irrevocably ruin the Lan Sect’s relationship with the Nie Sect in any number of ways just so that Nie Huaisang will suffer the backlash. Maybe he’ll trap Nie Huaisang here, tie him firmly to the door so that Nie Huaisang will always know how close he is to freedom without ever being able to achieve it.

Lan Xichen has long since accepted the cruel, awful thoughts that float through his head, the kind that he’d always thought only awful people thought of. But no, he knows the truth now—everyone thinks like this, the awful people are the ones who follow through on their thoughts and impulses. And Lan Xichen is not an awful person.

So, as much as he’d love to see Nie Huaisang shackled to his door, wasting away in the Hanshi, Lan Xichen simply sighs. “I will help,” he says. “What is the nature of your haunting?”

Nie Huaisang says, “It’s a ghost. It looks just as it did in life, but it makes no sound. No others can see it. It has taken to unsettling me with merely its image, which it occasionally morphs in order to evoke negative emotions in me.”

“Okay,” Lan Xichen says slowly, building a case in his mind. “Do you happen to know who the ghost is?”

“Yes,” says Nie Huaisang. “It’s Jin Guangyao.”

Lan Xichen’s mind screeches to a halt. For a moment, he’s consumed with rage—how dare Nie Huaisang come here and say that man’s name, taunting him with each flap of his fan? But no, the look in Nie Huaisang’s gaze is clear as day. He truly believes that he’s being haunted by Jin Guangyao.

“Sect Leader Nie,” says Lan Xichen, “Jin Guangyao is still trapped in the casket with your brother.”

“Which is why I’m concerned,” says Nie Huaisang. “Somehow, he has managed to find a way to escape.”

“To do what?” asks Lan Xichen. “Torture you, specifically? You think he intends to spend the rest of eternity trying to make you mildly uncomfortable?” It sounds mad. The casket that Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue had fallen into had been sealed several times over by Wei Wuxian himself, and Lan Xichen is aware enough to know that Wei Wuxian is among the most powerful cultivators to ever exist. Just being in the same room as the casket made Lan Xichen hiss from stinging pain, and looking at it was like taking a razor to the eyes. Wei Wuxian himself had seemed entirely unbothered, of course, only looking concerned when Lan Wangji began to tremble.

The bottom line is—no one is touching the casket, and no one will be breaking out of it.

Nie Huaisang’s claim seems incredibly unlikely. Still, Lan Xichen ignores Nie Huaisang’s protests to say, “I will look into it.”

The other man all but deflates. “Thank you, Second Brother.”

Offhandedly, not even thinking about it much, Lan Xichen adds, “And don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“‘Second Brother’. I don’t see any reason why you should continue to.”

“You say that with such a straight face.” Again, Nie Huaisang seems hurt. Lan Xichen has half the mind to curse him right here and now. The image of Nie Huaisang, wasting away in the Hanshi, pops into his mind again, but this time, he imagines Nie Huaisang’s hitching sobs of fear and betrayal. It’s awful but, well, he would deserve it, wouldn’t he?

Lan Xichen puts a stop to that train of thought quickly. He’d rather not act on it. Instead, he dismisses Nie Huaisang and gets to work.

-

As expected, the casket is still sealed. Wei Wuxian confirms this for him with ease. He also assures him that both Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao are still inside, fighting and clawing at each other for the rest of eternity. He says that last part with a smile. Lan Xichen nods, used to Wei Wuxian’s occasional but intense bouts of savagery.

Still, that leaves Lan Xichen wondering—what on Earth is happening to Nie Huaisang? Perhaps another ghost has taken to him, utilizing his greatest fear. To know further, he summons Nie Huaisang.

The man arrives three days later, looking weak and exhausted from the journey. Lan Xichen, rather pettily, likes it. He doesn’t mention it, though, instead asking Nie Huaisang more and more questions about his ghost. It sounds rather standard for a haunting and Lan Xichen gets more and more irritated, wondering how Nie Huaisang’s own disciples haven’t been able to deal with it, but then they reach a certain point of questioning that piques his interest.

“Are you sure it’s Jin Guangyao?” demands Lan Xichen. “Are you absolutely positive?”

“Of course,” says Nie Huaisang. “Who else can it be?”

“Another spirit may be trying to scare you,” says Lan Xichen. “Or it might be a demon that’s feeding on your mind.”

“It’s not,” is the firm reply. “It’s Jin Guangyao!”

And on and on in circles they go, with Nie Huaisang absolutely certain that the ghost is Jin Guangyao no matter how much evidence he receives on the contrary. Lan Xichen eventually shuts the conversation down, absolutely baffled. He summons his uncle, confused and wondering if he’d somehow forgotten about some nasty spirit that confounds the mind. Lan Qiren listens to Lan Xichen’s descriptions of the predicament, carefully sipping his tea.

Then, his uncle says, “This is not the cause of any malicious force.”

“Then what could it be?” demands Lan Xichen.

“It sounds to me like a lapse in sanity,” Lan Qiren says. “It sounds like a surplus of guilt combined with a distinctly unwell mind. Whoever it is that is suffering from such a fate needs to see a healer. If they remain as they are, they will only become a hazard to themselves and others.”

Oh. It seems that Sect Leader Nie has gone insane.

-

Lan Xichen puts off telling Nie Huaisang the truth about his problem. Instead, he waits, and he thinks. That awful part of him that he always ignores tells him that, maybe, Nie Huaisang deserves this. His uncle had said it plain as day, after all—this wouldn’t have happened if Nie Huaisang weren’t overwhelmed with guilt, and the man can certainly stand to be guilty.

And what danger can he be to others when he can barely cultivate? Even more, what does it matter that Nie Huaisang may be a hazard to himself? What can he do to himself that he wouldn’t deserve? Nothing, Lan Xichen realizes—Nie Huaisang deserves this. He deserves to suffer.

So, when Nie Huaisang visits next, Lan Xichen doesn’t ignore the awful voice in his head. He says, “It is Jin Guangyao.” He says, “He’s haunting you for your sins.” He says, “He won’t go away until you’ve properly atoned for them.”

Nie Huaisang accepts the explanation without question.

Lan Xichen watches how, over the next several months, Nie Huaisang scrambles to make amends. He watches the man suffer and cry and beg and look into every corner with sheer terror. Sometimes, Nie Huaisang will come crawling back to Lan Xichen, collapsing on his knees in the Hanshi, and weep, “He’s still there, I haven’t done enough. When will it be enough?”

“Just a little more,” Lan Xichen says, cradling the man’s tear-soaked cheeks in his hands. He looks almost enticing like this, as if he’s truly innocent. “I’m sure that then, it will be enough.”

Nie Huaisang withers into a whisper of himself and Lan Xichen thinks it’s exhilarating. Nie Huaisang will always be haunted by Jin Guangyao because he deserves it. He will never be able to make up for what he’s done for as long as he lives.

He’s almost disappointed when the news of Nie Huaisang’s suicide reaches the Cloud Recesses.

-

It’s three months before it happens for the first time. Lan Xichen is in the Hanshi, reading through some scrolls pertaining to the supplies purchased by the Sect, when something flickers in the corner of his gaze. He pauses, setting the scroll down, and he turns to look.

He sees Nie Huaisang standing in the corner. His eyes are blank and distant. His mouth is moving but no sound comes out. He reaches out to Lan Xichen, tears streaming down his cheeks. It’s a scene that Lan Xichen used to find so striking.

Filled with terror, Lan Xichen screams.

[poohwhin]

mandela catalogue volume 4 LONG thought dump. (for my dialovers followers i apologise for clogging your dash)

also big massive tw for this series.

OKAY SO. SOME THINGS! i’m a little bitch and pause the video every 15 seconds, so excuse me. but this also means that i can give you my rambling thoughts for various timestamps SKSKS. i’m not a theorist. i’m just a guy with some thoughts. you can actually skip all this bs if you want since i did an ACTUAL post abt my thoughts HERE.

[ 𝟎:𝟎𝟎 — 𝟐:𝟑𝟗 ]

we’re started with an explanation on the earth’s creation (in relation to christianity). which i always find it very interesting when we’re able to see the connections to religion, even if older bible cartoons and vhs style stories are a little unsettling to me.

but then seeing (what i’m assuming to be) gabriel’s statue just. standing there with his face obscured, after the text “awaken my son” appears is. wow. (definitely had me pausing my video every 3 seconds and hiding behind my phone.) i’m not gonna lie, i never expected alt! gabriel’s influence to go back that far into the christian lore. man’s been here from the jump i guess. (and ofc we get the infamous forbidden fruit scene, and eve becoming painfully aware and scared of the man looking down at them)

[ 𝟐:𝟓𝟎 — 𝟑:𝟏𝟐 ]

i have no real thoughts i just find the idea of someone names O’Brien calling to say hello to Dave to be incredibly endearing for some reason. SKSK. LIL DAVE HAS A FRIENDDDD. (also the windmill cgi(?) i’m diggin it.) also dave’s friend is religious which is. making me anxious for the both of them. SKSKS but O’Brien’s a band member which i find cool as hell.

[ 𝟑:𝟐𝟖 — 𝟒:𝟎𝟔 ]

LIVE ACTION DAVE MOVEMENT?? AHHHHHHH. WHENEVER WE’VE SEEN HIM HE’S JUST BEEN THIS SILLY LITTLE IMAGE. god i live for the live action scenes tbh.

also local businesses havent been doing so hot? man i wonder why. could it be the population dropping by the thousands (/j)

AYO ONE OF THE EMPLOYEES WHO WORKS WITH DAVE FOUND A TAPE FROM THATCHER? AHHHHH??? “same old procedure” , oh dear. i can only fear for what this tape holds.

also found out that Dave himself isn’t religious. which now makes me wonder about the position he’d be in when encountering an alternate. (O’Brien is also so nice though omg. understanding man.)

[ 𝟒:𝟏𝟑 — 𝟒:𝟑𝟔 ]

i just wanna say that alex’s cinematography has gotten SO MUCH BETTER? HELLO? these long black screens have really got me on edge, even though not really any of them have been leading to anything particularly scary. also the employee stealing the tape thatcher sent to, presumably, go watch it 👁️. oh dear oh dear.

BACK TO HIS FILMING SKILLS FOR A SECOND— everything being in black and white as well as him focusing on large silhouettes is just. UGHHHH 😩😩😩. what im assuming right now is some sort of tv has such an intimidating silhouette my goodness. (also “property of dave!! hands off!!!” i love him SKSKS)

[ 𝟒:𝟒𝟐 — 𝟓:𝟏𝟒 ]

ooooo static on da big screeeeeeeen. if its the intruder im literally gonna shit myself omg. he scares me sm.

THE TODDLER STRESS ASSESSMENT VIDEO?? OH NO?? HHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

(at 4:55) WHAT THE FUCK IS ON THAT TV?? HELLO? WHAT? THE FUCK? IS THAT AN ALTERNATE? FUCK THOSE GUYS

( at 4:58) nvm it was a drawing.

eugh i paused on the drawing.

ngl if that’s a child’s drawing i am. very concerned? because why is a child drawing something that realistic and morbid, i am. CONCERNED. but also the intruder is actively stealing children en mass so maybe we have other issues.

[ 𝟓:𝟏𝟐 — 𝟓:𝟓𝟓 ]

i’m ngl i thought that was a face instead of the back of someone’s head.

THATCHERRRRRR

youtube closed captions the audio is not “foreign.” pls.

(at 5:21) bro why did thatcher do a tiktok trend with his delayed ass walk.

wait why are we seeing thatcher’s day to day from this perspective?? is this significant? if it is i think its odd. us just chillin in his cabinet.

[ 𝟓:𝟓𝟔 — 𝟕:𝟓𝟏 ]

omg kid named lola. (also i feel like i’ve seen that last name before but im too lazy to check sksksks). also they’re in art club??? are they the kid who drew the drawing before?? (i mean they’re on the NEWS, SO—)

AYO MISS SARAHHHHHHHH. MISS SARAH HEATHCLIFF HELLOOOOO. (and omg she’s the founder of the paranormal club at BHS??)

(at 6:25) THE LITTLE GHOST ANIMATION IM SOBBING HAHSHSH. HEY LITTLE FELLA.

omg we’re seeing how sarah and adam met. so neat 😩 (also i cant make out the name of the hs adam goes to but it starts with a W. youtube closed captions also arent doing me any favours SKSKS?

adam grew up in mandela?? noice.

bro this silence is kinda freakin me out but that has nothing to do with the video SKSK

SARAH AND ADAM BPS FOUNDERS WOOOOOOOOOOOO

[ 𝟕:𝟓𝟕 — 𝟗:𝟒𝟓]

omg more live action i love it 🫶

(8:26) “look at it and don’t look away” WHATRE WE LOOKIK AT BOYS?? mentally preparing for a jumpscare rn.

the night vision lens scared the fuck outta me my god.

audio lure BITCH ARE THEY LURING PEOPLE OUT?? HELLO? THE HELL ARE Y’ALL TRYNA LURE WITH THIS?

(8:50) oh you got me fucked ALLLLLLLLLLL the way up. I’M WITH SARAH TBH I’D BE SCARED AS HELL.

BRO THERES THE HAND. AH HELLLLLLLLL NAH THERES A FUCKING HAND.

THERES MULTIPLE HANDS. THERE ARE MULTIPLE HANDS?? THEY ARE? EVERYWHERE? BRO?

ngl if this was the sort of ‘norm’ that adam was dragging them to, then i kinda get it. but also i’m an adam apologist so i’ll defend him for the rest of my days.

(9:23) GOD THAT WAS FREAKY AS HELL.

[ 𝟗:𝟒𝟔 — 𝟏𝟎:𝟐𝟔]

i’d be scared as hell too so its okay sarah 🫂🫂 like imagine you think you’re starting this quirky paranormal club then right outta the gate its like “DEMONS 👹”

omg :( sarah’s dialogue reminds me a lot of jonah’s from vol 2 with how she’s starting to think twice. but at least she’ll still do everything else 🫂

“two years later” so are they both 19?? 17?? idk the timeline here but they started bps in high school, so.

[ 𝟏𝟎:𝟐𝟕 — 𝟏𝟏:𝟏𝟓 ]

omg new characters in here. ofc we got sarah, jonah, and evelin but we got a tyler and amanda too? 👁️ damn what happened with amanda 😞 (also jonah and adam stoners confirmed?? tf y’all getting 25mg of? SHARE BITCH?) i also made a note to pay attention to the dates even though my ass will forget.

(jotting them down here: eve: just now | sara: friday | jonah : jan 7 | tyler : jan 2 | amanda : dec 19 ) idk if these are important but i got ‘em.

(10:45) SHAWTY REMOVED JONATHAN AS A CONTACT? MANNNNNNNNNNN. also omg we got a noah?? does he have an arc? (ik i’m so hilarious)

also adam fr give my girl eveline some closure 🙄

[ 𝟏𝟏:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟏𝟑:𝟐𝟏 ]

adam my boy ily but pls learn your “there’s”. c’mon.

idk how i feel about adam’s picture being in black & white while sarah’s is in colour. that’s either important or adam is just emo as hell. (also theyre both grainy as hell. ik its 2009 but c’mon SKSK)

“ and idk what happened to him” changed to “pretty sure he’s dead or something” MY BOY BAHSHSHSHS. “idk he might be dead or smth. rip” LIKE ADAM. SHAWTY. THEN HE JUST MOVES ON LIKE “NAHNAH LEMME GIVE YOU THE GOOD NEWS!!!” BAHSHSHSHS

(12:32) oh. sarah’s pfp change. OH NOOOOOOO. SARAH NOOOOO. okay its back to normal nvm.

“i didnt think it would be that big of a deal” adam. bby. your friend is DEAD? shawty looking out for himself, so power move i guess SKSK.

(13:21) “i dont have friends” okay emo ass.

[ 𝟏𝟒:𝟎𝟐 — 𝟏𝟒:𝟏𝟒 ]

sarah just been going OFF. POP OFF. also adam hanging up like a lil baby 🙄

“no wonder evelin left you” DAMNNNNNNNNNNN

[ 𝟏𝟒:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟏𝟔:𝟏𝟒]

damn mandela county went from 19,867 to 1,075 in just 19 years. also, thatcher :( he sounds SO BROKEN and SO TIRED. his actor did so good :(.

HIS MONOLOGUE ABOUT RUTH. IM GONNA SOB SO FUCKING HARD. “i’ll make you proud ruth” IIIII HATE IT HERE. SO MUCH. also “the darkness followed me home” i will cry so hard dont play with me

[ 𝟏𝟔:𝟑𝟎 — 𝟏𝟕:𝟑𝟎]

Thatcher’s room is just like mine for real.

JESUS I FORGOT THIS SERIES WAS AN ANALOG HORROR FOR A SECOND. GOD I HATE IT. the idea of something being in your house but not DOING ANYTHING. GOD. LIKE NOT MOVING SHIT AROUND OR PROWLING. JUST STARING AT YOU. FUCK. AND ITS JUST THERE LIKE “🧍 lemme talk to you about your car’s extended warranty”

the fact that thatcher and his alternate are having a staring contest has me cracking tf up. they like: “LOL HELLO??”

[ 𝟏𝟕:𝟑𝟐 — 𝟏𝟖:𝟐𝟗 ]

OH THE LADY WHO WORKED WITH DAVE WAS EVELIN IM AN IDIOT BAHSHSH. but omg dave is in SHOCK. THE GLASSES CAME OFF. him finding out evelin went through the shit >>>> but him firing her :(

[ 𝟏𝟖:𝟑𝟎 — 𝟏𝟗:𝟒𝟒]

omg. HES TAKING O’BRIEN’S OFFER AHHHHH

“remembrance”. oh dear.

OH MY GOD THATCHERS ALTERNATE? MOVING IN REAL TIME? HHHHHH. AND HE CALLED OFF ALL UNITS? EUGHHHHH. god alex is so talented with his cgi i stg. and the emphasis on how INHUMAN those face movements are. eghhhhhhh. that was some chameleon shit i stg.

(19:17) BRO BACK UPPPPPPPP. GOD BAHSHSHS. got ALL UP IN YOUR FACE, JEEZ. anyways.

“dead or alive you’re no use to these people” i will cry. thatcher :(

“a scared boy with a gun” AHHHHHHHH

[ 𝟐𝟎:𝟎𝟎 — 𝟐𝟏:𝟑𝟐]

him writing his letter to ruth. :( GOD I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPYYYYYYY. I WANT THEM TO HUG, AND BE PEACEFUL. GODDDDDD

oh no he’s crying :( . THE ACTING IS SO GOOD IM GONNA CRY OML. thatcher is so sad dude. :((( “now your dead ‘cause i was so fucking scared” HNNNNNNNNNNNN.

so i’m gonna assume that thatcher is dead now? :( i hate it here.

[ 𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖 — 𝟐𝟑:𝟓𝟕 ]

youtube closed captions this is not applause.

adam what is this capcut ass video BAHAHSHHSS. COULDNT EVEN GET JONAH’S PICTURE IN 😭. A THREE SECOND “a celebration of life” BRO OF WHO’S? 🤨 HOW TF ARE THE SUBSCRIBERS SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT SHAWTY 🙄 god this kills me SKSKS

ADAM THIS ISNT ANY BETTER BAHSHSHHSHS. this man is READING A SCRIPT, BRUH. “jonah passed away peacefully” now you know damn well.

[ 𝟐𝟑:𝟓𝟖 — 𝟐𝟔:𝟏𝟓]

oh shit we got home footage now. ALSO CAN I JUST SAY? NIGHT VISION CAMERA’S ARE FREAKY AS HELL. i cant tell if its just normal motion blur/it tryna refocus or if theres ACTUALLY SMTH THERE.

omg its the preacher’s (or was it the messenger? idk) image. heyyyyyyyyy

OH WAIT ITS A DRAWING. i cant make out the words on it though. 😞 but the sentence itself looks like it was cut off, so even if i could read it it’d be incomplete.

BRO WHO’S HOUSE IS THIS? WHY ARE THE DOORS SO FUCKING TALL?? WHY IS EVERYTHING STRETCHED OUT?? is it just the lens or is this house ACTUALLY just wonky as hell.

ooo what’re we covering up??

DAMN JONAH WAS 21? and the mf’s middle name was edmund.

oh no.

this funky ass text is really gettin me. also adam really just spitting some hot philosophy to evelin 🤨 damn. tbh if i was told even HALF the shit he was told i’d be mad too.

(25:20) bro this video. oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear. also had me thinking that my youtube was buffering but nah thats just the video sksksk.

[ 𝟐𝟔:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟐𝟔:𝟐𝟐]

ooooo correspondence. alex is really THRIVING with words ending in “ence/ance” 😩😩

[ 𝟐𝟔:𝟐𝟑 — 𝟐𝟖:𝟎𝟎 ]

i have. no words. absolutely NO WORDS BAHAHSH. this post really just. sums up my thoughts SKKSS. nah but?? face studio 2 ??? where tf is the first one? anyways that demonstration video was freaky but i find it hilarious that alternates are sittin at their lil desktops customising their face <3 BAHSHHSS.

[ 𝟐𝟖:𝟎𝟏 — 𝟐𝟖:𝟐𝟖 ]

oh dear it transitioned to home footage. oh my.

OH. OH OKAY. WOW UM. HELLO MISS LYNN’S BODY

i’m assuming thats the intruder’s face in the corner. but the phrase ‘a thriving society’ with this image is. eugh.

“a thriving society of followers of the true saviour(?)” is that what was said? there was a lot more after that but after the word ‘true’ i could hardly make anything out.

okay everyone hold tf on because i’m about to try and make out what he’s saying at 28:03

“a thriving society of followers of the true saviour. his entangled (?) limbs danced around my bedroom. i held my breath. and waited for it to stop. i was too scared.” then it glitched out from there, but i assume it repeated some of the stuff already said???

hey stinky.

[ 𝟐𝟖:𝟐𝟗 — 𝟑𝟏:𝟐𝟗 ]

OMG HEY EVELINNNNNNN.

omg wait she’s looking for thatcher. 😰😰😰 oh dear oh me oh my.

(29:48–30:00) GOD these long pauses are unsettling as hell SKSKSK.

(30:06) thatcher?? hello sir. i guess my earlier thought about him being dead was wrong SKSKSK. BUT IM GLAD(?) AT LEAST? i’d miss him for real. ALSO HEY DAVES BACKKKKKKKK.

dave sounds like he’s been crying. i mean i could be completely wrong and it’s probably just the audio editing but man.

“how much of that was really worth it though” i mean he got a point.

“find a new meaning in life” the fact that he’s saying that to THATCHER hits.

[ 𝟑𝟏:𝟑𝟎 — 𝟑𝟏:𝟑𝟒 ]

malignance. alex here again with the SAT words 😩😩

[ 𝟑𝟏:𝟑𝟓 — 𝟑𝟐:𝟏𝟒]

Evelin’s sitting at Thatcher’s desk, oooooooooo

MISS MA’AM WHY ARE YOU LOOKING THROUGH HIS DRAWERS SKSKSK.

[ 𝟑𝟐:𝟏𝟓 — 𝟑𝟑:𝟒𝟕 ]

i love the cgi and backgrounds and shit. gives me early black and white movie vibes. or even some later films and edward scissorhands beats.

OMG DAVE. IS AT THE CHURCH?? oh shit that means i’ve gotten to the moment everyone’s RAVING about.

O’Brien’s become an alternate hasn’t he. the inflection in his voice is off.

(33:25) IM SORRY? DID THE HEAVEN’S THEMSELVES JUST FUCKING OPEN? HELLO?

[ 𝟑𝟑:𝟓𝟎 — 𝟑𝟓:𝟏𝟓 ]

FUCKING GABRIEL IS BACK AHHHHHHHHHHHH. idk how to feel about this disney villain ass voice though.

(33:56) ew i hate featureless figures so much HHHHHHH THE SCARE FACTORS ARE STILL HERE

bro gabriel really is the joker rn good lord SKSKS. but him impersonating O’Brien’s(?) voice. AHHHHHH

omg wait, ive been seeing things say that dave offed himself (which is likely true) but im gonna assume that the dark substance running from his eyes is blood?? in my head that IMMEDIATELY makes me thing of how you should never look an angel(?) in the eye (i think thats the thing), because you won’t be able to comprehend it. even though he 99% offed himself i think to thing he died from looking gabriel in the eyes.

okay i take that back there’s blood pooling from his head. he likely threw himself off a ledge or smth.

also hi gabey wabey would you be interested in maybe. NOT? DOING THIS?

[ 𝟑𝟓:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟑𝟕:𝟎𝟗 ]

oooo we got evelin lookin through some filessssss. and theyre ADAM’S FILES, OOOOOOOOOO.

okay so adam is also 21. gotcha gotcha. so adam was 4 when he was yoinked through the TV.

OH! adam didn’t react to anything on the toddler stress assessment? oh jeez. this kid’s got some guts ig idk. SKSKS.

(35:59) BRO DID SOMEONE LOCK EVELIN IN? THOSE LEVERS ARE FOR LOCKS, RIGHT, or maybe alarms or smth idk.

oh shit oh shit.

“Mr. Davis?” LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT.

(whoever) SET OFF THE ALARM?? MANNNNNNNNNNNNNN. alarm systems are scary as hell dude my god. got me thinking of purge sirens.

OH HELLLLLLL NO. i really like the use of the spinning siren lights to create atmosphere though. vv nice <3

[ 𝟑𝟕:𝟏𝟎 — 𝟑𝟗:𝟎𝟗 ]

omg the messaging sequences are back. and SOMEONE’S BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT HIM? HELLO?

“Hello! We have been trying to contact ADAM MURRAY. Is this you? Please confirm YES or NO” “Hello! We have been trying to contact ADAM MURRAY. Is this you? Please confirm YES ”

unsettling as hell.

OH! HELLO THERE!

STANLEY??? YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THIS WAS STANLEY THIS WHOLEEEEEEE FUCKING TIME?? AHHHHHHHHHH.

“with contorted flesh and broken bones i made myself known” aw he just wants a friend SKSKSK.

“your skin is not your own” UM!!!! also ngl i never expected him to be so gentle with the children he takes.

“you are not the real you.” SIR?!?!?! SIRRRRRR??

[ 𝟑𝟗:𝟏𝟑 — 𝟒𝟎:𝟓𝟑 ] ; 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

uh. wow okay. SKSKS. THERE WAS SO MUCH IN HERE AND I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. which i will try to compile in an actual post that isn’t my own brain dumb. <3. but uhh

“I deceived them. the mandela prophet. it begins today” wow thats cryptic. then pictures of ADAMS FACE? HHHHHH. okay anyways if you made this far ily. <3

[justpassingbii]

Monsters

TW: mentioned suicide, mentioned blood, mentioned murder, mentioned abuse, mentioned alcohol abuse, mild mention of horror

(I tried tagging this properly and still warn at the beginning, and all these things are only briefly mentioned)

If you asked me to draw you a monster, I could not. Mostly because I can’t draw - but also because it leaves me to wonder: what about a drawing makes the image represent a monster? Are they hideous? Does their appearance denote and show the rot that surely must be even more pronounced inside? Do they have a mole on the tip of their uncannily toucan-like nose or crooked teeth or crooked legs/back/fingers? A crazed look in their eyes? A million KIND people can look like that and it still wouldn’t make them a monster. I could give them tentacles or horns or claws or pincers. Give them a gaping maw with multiple rows of teeth - sharp teeth. Make their skin be red, blue, green, black. Give them bat wings, multiple eyes, a single eye, multiple extra limbs, make them oddly reminiscent of a real life being - animal or human or plant-like - but just odd enough to make any who gazes on it be unsettled (was it a deer? was it ever a deer? is it not one anymore? did it use to be a deer?). I could do all this in one same and single drawing and I might still hesitate to call them a monster. That single, static drawing tells me nothing about them that isn’t skin deep, and in the end, monsters…

…monsters aren’t just born, but made.

So I could also draw a “boy-next-door” sort of character. Your local cheerleader. A father, a mother, a grandparent, a child. I could draw a cute animal, a kind looking lady, dressed up to go to her kid’s graduation party with maybe an oddly copper coloured small little stain on the edge of a sleeve or the corner of her skirt that could just be old ketchup and the bright eyes and effusive excitement she exudes make you believe that without a second thought until the cops are doing rounds on your neighborhood after someone went missing 3 weeks ago - 2 days before said graduation party. I could draw the picture perfect parent who gets delivered a package through mail every week and it clinks like glass and he says it's a collection of boats in bottles but it’s just how he avoids the town knowing he likes to get drunk and do all sorts of monstrous thing to his family behind closed doors. The drawing can’t tell you the kind lady’s son was being bullied for years and on the verge of suicide and after filling 5 different complains with no result, she took matters into her own hands, or that the parent is only doing to others as was done unto him, but none of that matters after the image I “painted” a few lines before. They are a monster in your head by now, with their tiny little stains, their now obviously insincere smiles and odd but not completely unignorable habits. Monsters…

…monsters aren’t just born, but made.

Sometimes, it really does match up - a hideous appearance to immediately alert the onlookers to the equally hideous heart underneath. But other times it is how fast conclusions are drawn - ha! - and how we act upon them against others we have only caught a glimpse of, only seen in one dimension, that will be the breeding ground for monsters - ‘If they call me a monster, then that’s what I’ll be: a monster.’ - ‘it’s the only way I can survive’, they don’t say to the real monsters…

…monsters aren’t just born, but made.

[cower-before-power]

Piety

Summary: Gojo has sinned, and he will repent at the altar of his beloved

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x F!Reader

TW: swearing, implied sexual content, idolatry

Link to A03 here

A/N: First time writing for everyone’s favourite sensei, hope I did him justice. This man can step on me. Enjoy, sweet potatoes!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You’re late.”

He laughs softly from the doorway. “I told you I would be.”

“I know,” you say, your eyes focused on the rising moon out the window. “But you’ve always said I was the exception.”

“You are,” you can hear walk over to the closet; next, the rustling of clothes as he sheds his uniform. “But Yuuji-kun is doing so well I got overexcited and just had to stay a bit longer. When I was finished with him, I was planning on rushing straight home to you, but then I ran into my other darling first years. They wanted me to watch them fight. Their training for the exchange is coming along nicely too.”

“Hmmmmm,” you hum, rocking on your heels, “good reasons to be late, I suppose.”

You can’t help but let a little irritation creep into your voice. You’re not angry with him, not truly, but you can’t help be a little annoyed. Your lives were so busy it was often hard to find time to actually act like a couple. The two of you had set aside tonight to finally go out together, a real date. You’d made reservations at a fancy restaurant and even got dressed up for once. Not that you didn’t love your late night routine of takeout, Netflix and sex, but it was nice every once and a while to get out.

To pretend everything was normal. To pretend you were normal.

So when he texted you that he was sorry but things came up, could you please cancel the reservation-you couldn’t help but feel....cast aside.

You loved Gojo’s dedication to his students and his passion for his cause. You were proud of his strength, his powers. But sometimes it felt like you were a planet orbiting around his brilliant sun, competing with all the others for his warmth and light. He was the best, and was always needed by someone somewhere. You knew it was what you were in for when you put your heart in his hands, but it was still sometimes a bitter pill to swallow.

“You’re upset with me,” he says, and you finally turn to face him. He’s out of his uniform and only in a pair of dark sweatpants; your favourite look. You have a strong urge to run to him and bury yourself in his chest. You stay put.

“No not at you, per say,” you run your hands through your hair, taking out the style you’d coaxed it into earlier. “Just at life, I guess. Things are always crazy around here, but they seem to be getting even wilder and it just makes it even harder for us to spend quality time together.”

“You’ve never complained before.”

You sigh, tugging at the straps of your dress. “I know, I know. I’m just in a mood today, I guess. I was really looking forward to going out, and when you texted me, I just felt, I don’t know, shuffled aside.”

He stays quiet, face unreadable. It’s unusual and quite frankly rather unsettling. You feel guilt suddenly bubble hotly in your stomach.

“I mean, it’s fine! What you were doing was very important! Yuuji needs all the training he can get, poor boy. Plus, Megumi and Nobara miss you, they’ve noticed you haven’t been around a lot and they probably just wanted to see you be proud of them, even if they’ll never admit it. I’m being silly, I mean, who cares if we missed the reservation, the students and their training is definitely more important than going out with me-“

Your words die on your lips as you find yourself suddenly pressed flush against the chest you were just admiring moments earlier. You blink and gasp-bright blue eyes are staring intently down into yours. It always stuns you momentarily to see them. They are like sapphires; not only beautiful in shine and hue, but rare and precious. They only show up when he’s feeling particularly loving and mushy, or the very limited occasions when he gets serious.

You have a feeling it’s the latter.

“What have I told you about being too kind, angel?” He scolds you, shaking his head as he cups your face in his large, warm hands. “Just come out and say I’m the asshole here.”

“But-“

“Hush now,” his voice grows stern, the tone he uses when he’s got you at his mercy. You obey on instinct, snapping your lips shut. “I shouldn’t have stayed so long at school, and I definitely shouldn’t have assumed that cancelling would be okay without asking. I’ve never, ever wanted you to feel like you’re playing second string, and I’ve gone and done just that.”

You frown. “I don’t feel like that all the time, please don’t think I-“

“Once is one time too many,” he interrupts. His fingers smooth over your skin, stroking the frown from your face. “I clearly fucked up. I let my angel, my reason to live, my sweet darling thief who stole my heart, down.”

(You feel warm. So he is feeling mushy as well as serious.)

He replaces his fingers with his lips, featherlight brushes over your skin that make your knees begin to wobble. “It’s okay,” you breathe, eyes slipping shut so he can kiss your eyelids gently. “You didn’t mean to.”

He laughs. “Sweetness, you are shit at being mad at someone. This is the part where you call me a prick and make me grovel for forgiveness.”

“You’ve never groveled in your life,” you hum. The irritation you’d been feeling earlier is melting away under his gentle ministrations. He hadn’t meant to hurt you. He sometimes forgets the two of you didn’t always operate on the same wavelength. He sometimes forgets that everyone didn’t operate on his wavelength.

“Another exception I’d make for you,” he nibbles at your bottom lip, and you can’t help but chase him, trying to catch him in a proper kiss. He just laughs and sweeps a thumb over where he’s just nipped. “I’ll even get on my knees.”

The image of the worlds most powerful shaman on his knees before you sends a shiver up your spine. And the perceptive bastard doesn’t miss it. He pulls away, peeling himself from your body with a sticky slowness that causes the air around you to heat and thicken. He sinks to his knees before you, palms upturned in perfect piety.

“Oh goddess divine, please accept my humble apologies,” the words drip from his lips like a sacred prayer. “I have displeased you, and I seek to make amends.”

“Only you could apologize and make fun of someone at the same time,” you murmer, feeling your cheeks begin to flush. “You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot who only wishes to repent for his sins,” he grins lazily up at you, and his upturned hands are suddenly on your legs, beneath your dress. His thumbs begin to rub circles on your inner thighs. Time stops; your next breath lodges in your throat.

“Tell me what I must do,” his voice is smooth like the silk of his blindfold, slipping over you. He leans in and presses a kiss just above your right knee. His mouth is hot against your skin.

“Ummmm....” you try to speak, but nothing comes out but a choked whimper.

“I’m waiting very patiently,” another kiss, this time slightly higher. Your brain begins to malfunction. You open and close your mouth, trying to get the words out, but there’s nothing. Nothing but his warm breath and deft hands. Nothing but crystalline blue darkened with hunger. Nothing but need beginning to boil in your blood.

“I’ll just have to decide the form of atonement myself,” he murmurs, skimming his nose along your inner thigh. His hands slowly slide up your legs, your dress is coming up with them....

And then you both hear it.

The loud grumbling of your very empty belly.

He pulls back and blinks up at you. You stare back, mouth open. And then you both burst into raucous laughter.

“What a mood killer,” he grins, sitting back on his heels. “I’ve never been cockblocked by your stomach before.”

“Sorry!” You rub the offending area, still giggling. “I guess in all my stewing I forgot I was hungry.”

He’s on his feet in a flash. “Well we can’t have you starve on me, can we, sweetness? I know, how about I cook for us?”

Your eyes light up. Gojo is an excellent cook, but he rarely does it due to his busy and exhausting schedule. And his bad habit of filling up on sweets. “Really?”

“Sure,” he’s already across the room, throwing on a shirt and his blindfold. “Tell you what, you go have a nice hot soak in the tub while I cook. I’ll bring you a glass of wine and something from my extra secret sweets stash to tide you over till I’m done.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Something from the secret stash? I’m honoured.”

He grins. “Another exception for my angel.” He suddenly claps his hands together. “Oh, and tomorrow we’ll play hookey! Go to Tokyo for the whole day, and I’ll spoil the absolute shit out of you. The kids can survive a day without us.”

“You already spoil me,” you laugh, shaking your head. “I’ll just be happy to spend a whole day just us.”

“No arguments!” He wags his finger. “I will drop mad cash on you and you will enjoy it.”

“Ugh you are such a dork,” you roll your eyes, but your heart fills with love for this silly man. You know he really is sorry and is trying to make it up to you. He’s an idiot on occasions, but he’s your idiot, and you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

You make to move towards the bathroom, but the lingering feel of his touch on your skin reminds you.

“Hey, what happens after the bath and food?”

Before you can blink, he’s back in front of you, gathering you against him. His smile is absolutely feral, and you can feel his smouldering gaze even through the black fabric now covering his eyes.

And his lips are descending on yours, hot and hungry. He licks into your mouth, swallowing the moan that’s threatening to escape. There’s nothing left but him. His touch, his taste, his scent. He is everywhere, in every sweep and valley of your body, in every corner of your pounding heart. He consumes you like fire consumes a forest, and you are happy to burn, burn, burn.

All too soon he pulls away, and you are left empty. Bereft. Lost. But he leans back in, his lips brushing your ear, his voice dark with reverent desire.

“I’ll worship at the altar of my divine goddess until my penance is paid a hundred fold.”

[potteresque-ire]

Dear Pie,

I hope you’re doing well! C-ent seems to be going up in flames. The govt is trying to purge the ent industry i guess? It would be lovely to hear your thoughts on this. Esp on their take on BL dramas. The govt seems to be making their move. https://twitter.com/zhaoxiaotango/status/1430723789289967618?s=21

Hello Anon!! As usual, I'm late to answering this ...

I’ve included my thoughts on Dangai’s future below the cut. I’ve also, in the ... not-so-grand tradition of this blog, gone on tangent and talked about “C-ent going up in flames”.

(TW: due to the nature of the historical event described, the second half of this meta may be unsettling to read—it has been demarcated with a fake cut.)

With the latest notice from the Publicity Department of the Chinese Communist Party (CCPPD), also known as the Propaganda Department (中國共產黨中央委員會宣傳部, 中宣部 for short), the future of Dangai dramas is rather dim...

The notice actually included only one quick mention of Dangai:

但是，隨著文娛產業迅速發展，天價片酬、「陰陽合同」、偷逃稅等問題有以新方式新手段死灰復燃跡象，流量至上、畸形審美、「飯圈」亂象、「耽改」之風等新情況新問題迭出...

But, with the rapid development of the entertainment industry, issues such as sky-high paychecks, "Yin-yang contracts", tax evasion have resurfaced, executed with new methods and means. New situations and problems, such as traffic-above-everything, deformed aesthetics (Pie note: referring to “sissy” men), the chaos of fan circle culture, and the fad of Dangai, have appeared one after another...

In the current climate, however, this is enough for observers to believe that Dangai dramas have been dealt a fatal blow—the kind of Dangai dramas most people are familiar with, at least, in which the creative team "plays edge ball” by subtly supplying hints of a M/M romance; in which the marketing of these dramas translates these hints into “candies” to popularise CPs (character, and real-person); in which the CPs bring in loyal fans not only for the drama, but also for the actors...

These observers include the state censorship apparatus, the production studios and distribution platforms, social media where promotions would take place. They'll all likely raise the bar for Dangai dramas to make it to airing and promotion, even if the ban hasn’t been made explicit. 

This kind of ... the government hints, people guesses the hint and takes it (much) further is a tradition passed down from China’s dynasty days. Emperors often kept their wishes mum, or vaguely worded, and waited for his subordinates to find out what the wishes were, interpret what they wanted. The extra time and effort needed for the interpretation boosted both the Emperors’ image and his status—Look, our Emperor is kind, humble enough to not speak his mind! Look, our Emperor is important enough that his wishes, unspoken they may be, should all be met!! 

This practice also allows the ruler—be it an ancient Emperor or a modern-day authoritarian regime—to play “the good guy”: they didn’t ask for the ban, did they? It wasn’t, isn’t their fault that the people agree(d) with the hint so hard that they went / go on to prohibit the stuff. The Emperor, the regime remain the open-minded one, and more importantly, the guilt-free one, if the outcome of the ban is less than ideal.

Strictly speaking, Dangai the genre will likely survive; "Dangai” 耽改, after all, only means “adapted from a Danmei source material”. Adaptions after this CCPPD notice may nonetheless turn the material into strict brotherhood stories, or even heterosexual romances. The dramas that are in the process of shooting, or have completed shooting, may have to modify the script, re-shoot scenes such that the project can pass the inspection by the NRTA (National Radio and Television Administration 國家廣播電視總局; the “censorship board”), such that the production studios and their investors can still air the products and cut their losses. Tencent, for example, already has 4 Dangai dramas completed (Immortality 皓衣行，Winner is King 烽火流金 / 殺破狼， The Society of Four Leaves 張公案，Chasing the Light 撒野 / 左肩有你) and one in the works (今朝萬年長); to shelf all of them will be a financial disaster, especially after its already having to shelf one “S+” grade (big budget) series this year—The Golden Hairpin (青簪行), with Kris Wu 吳亦凡 as its lead.

Anon, maybe this is what you’re wondering about too—will the state’s expressed displeasure with Dangai affect already-aired dramas and their participants? 

Here’s my thought as of today (2021/09/05) ~ for now, I’m cautiously optimistic. The current upheaval in c-ent, as well as in multiple other industries (for example: big tech, private tutoring, real estate), seems to be targeted at the so-called “Capital” (資本), the ultimate power players in c-business and the (domestic and international) stock markets. Already aired Dangai dramas are unlikely to be golden eggs for the companies involved and the power-player investors behind them—most of their profits have already be made. Actors who have risen to fame via Dangai are young and haven’t really had the time to accumulate the wealth, the power to be considered Capital. 

(Being Capital needs more than affluence—it also needs influence in both business and political circles.) 

(Back when the Zheng Shuang tax evasion scandal erupted earlier this year, “helpful” melon-eating c-netizens researched the list of companies c-ent celebrities own, under the oversimplistic-but-not-entirely-faulty logic that ownership of an abnormally high number may equate ... financial “magical trickery” (especially pertaining to tax evasion). Our ❤️💚 boys were on the search list, and they came up clean :) ).

That said, I feel I also shouldn’t sugarcoat things and say that things will remain perfectly peachy for aired Dangai’s and their actors, their associated “peripherals” such as CPs and fandom communities (such as the supertopics). The reason, however, isn’t because of their connections with the Dangai genre; the effect, also, isn’t limited to those with connections to the genre. 

This has to do with what’s happening beyond c-ent. 

I shall try to explain a little about this below. Please note that ... some parts may sound a little scary, especially to those who aren’t familiar with the turbulence, the violence of post-1949 Chinese history and politics. Please proceed carefully, and remember: this meta is only one pie’s word, and will be around if there’re better times to read it than now. Some people are comforted by having a sense of the worst that may happen, some aren’t like that at all, and both are perfectly all right. Taking care of yourself is the most important ❤️💛💚.

(Below the cut: c-ent’s “Bitter Cold Winter”, “The New Movement”) (TW: Dystopian Darkness)

====================

The future for actors, directors, creative teams... workers of the entertainment industry in general, goes hand-in-hand with the financial health of the industry. A perfectly peachy future requires very good financial health.

C-ent is heavily reliant on and connected to the “Capital” the state is currently targeting. The tech giants Alibaba and Tencent are both its major players. If the Chinese government fails to exercise moderation in its efforts to rein in these “Capital” (and the Chinese government ... isn’t really known for moderation), if it breaks them rather than tames them, it can spell significant hardship to c-ent—adding frost to the snow that has already settled on the industry since 2018.

(”Adding frost to the snow” 雪上加霜, is a Chinese idiom meaning layering hardship upon hardship.)

What happened in 2018?

As an aftermath of the 2018 Fan Bingbing tax evasion scandal, Chinese tax authorities demanded the Chinese film production companies to “self-correct” their tax history, and pay back what it believed it owed accordingly. To avoid a full audit, the industry coughed up a total of USD $1.7 billion in back taxes in the end—a third of China’s domestic box office revenue.

The Chinese government wasn’t wrong in wanting to eliminate the rampant corruption and tax evasion from the industry. However, its approach was widely considered to be too heavy-handed. Having to pay their massive back-taxes in one go, production studios had to halt or cancel productions while the audit took place, while they figured out whether they had the funds for the taxes. Some companies had to liquidate eventually. Banks refused to finance the companies while the latter needed it the most, fearing associations with an industry that had just displeased the government. Celebrities of the industry (famous actors, directors etc) lay low, fearing the state would train its eyes on them, turn them into the next Fan Bingbing. C-ent was paralysed.

And it never fully recovered. From 2019 on, the Chinese film industry, and c-ent in general, has been said to be in a “bitter cold winter”. Thousands of companies have been shut down, and more people unemployed. The simultaneous restrictions on creative freedom, with the Publicity Department of the Chinese Communist Party (a.k.a, the Propaganda Department) taking over the regulation of Chinese TV and film industries in 2018 and the further tightening of censorship rules, have made recovery even more of a challenge—hits that surprise and delight, even just cater to the audience have become increase difficult to make. For example, period dramas about infighting queens and concubines (宮鬥劇), a perennial favourite among Chinese audiences, were pulled off TV schedules in January 2019 after Beijing Daily criticised the genre for “glamorising lavish imperial lifestyles and palace intrigue instead of promoting "socialist core values".

Behind the films and dramas we love, therefore, behind the seemingly lavish shows and ceremonies, is an industry that is struggling. Production studios, in particular, need a proper budget to create media products that have an actual chance of becoming popular—the Chinese audience had already got used to extravagantly-designed sets, costumes, makeup etc—but the money is no longer around. 

New business models have emerged to keep these studios afloat. One of them, for example, involves what is known as “bet-on agreements” (formal name: valuation adjustment mechanism VAM 對賭協議), signed between the smaller, money-short businesses in c-ent (production studios, management companies etc) and “Capital”, the power players of the Chinese business world and the major investors of the industry.

My poor business knowledge may mean I’ll likely never understand VAMs enough to talk about it intelligently, but the rough idea is this—for a production studio, for example, to get an investment, they must promise its investor (for example, a big tech) that they’ll hit a certain profit target for each year of the contract. If it fails to hit the target, it’ll have to pay the difference from its own pocket.

VAMs appear to be a win-win—the invested gets the funds it needs, while the investors are protected from high loses, become more willing to invest—but they also introduce their own problems. The time pressure associated with VAMS is *huge*. In desperate need to hit the profit target for that year, the invested may have to make decisions that may save them in the immediate future, but are not in their best interest in the long run. Production studios, for example, may have to cut corners, release their products at less than favourable time. They may have to be very aggressive in their marketing, copy proven-successful formulas—innovation, experimentation takes time and they do not have that.

Have some of you heard of 割韭菜 “cutting chives”? It’s a popular c-slang that describes how companies try to earn as much money from their customers as quickly as possible, by means that aren’t criminal, but morally objectionable. Fans are among the most talked about, most ... laughed at “chives”; they’re easy targets with their youth and passion, with the peer pressure from their fan circle to contribute to the sales numbers for their favourite celebrities. 

While there are certainly evil Capital schemes behind the chive cutting, not all participants on the seller’s side are necessarily evil. Some, too, are under immense pressure themselves. 

There’s Capital with a C, and just ... capital: businesses that aren’t small in the eyes of a common folk, but small compared to the financial risk that is the nature of their business. And capital in c-ent has not been doing well.

As a more tangible example of the kind of challenges Chinese production studios have already been facing before this summer ... please allow me to introduce a rumour that circulated around the release for The Wolf (狼殿下). As most rumours of such nature are, please bear in mind that it has never been confirmed, and never will be. The reason I’m spreading this rumour is because its truthfulness is no longer of consequence—this will be explained later.

Many of us may remember that all episodes of The Wolf were released within one day in November, 2020. A hypothesis I saw circulated in our fandom was this: to make sure the antis had no time to campaign against the series.

That made sense.

Outside fandom, meanwhile, another rumour circulated, and concerning a much-talked about VAM among c-ent business watchers: the one between China literature (閱文集團) and New Classics Media Media (aka Xinli Media, NCM 新麗傳媒). 

China literature, a book publisher, became a subsidiary of Tencent in 2015. In 2018, it—and, most c-business watchers believed, Tencent’s Capital behind it—acquired NCM, a TV and film production studio. The VAM was part of the acquisition agreement: NCM promised to deliver the net profits of 500 million RMB (~77.3 million USD), 700 million (~108 million) and 900 million (~139 million) to China Literature in 2018, 2019 and 2020 respectively. 

NCM had already failed to hit the profit target in both 2018 and 2019. Nonetheless, market watchers had remained optimistic about its performance in 2020. You see, my fellow turtles, NCM had produced three to-be-aired-in-2020 TV series named The Wolf, Douluo Continent, Oath of Love and That Cute Dude who starred in all of them? He got popular … like, really, really popular in the second half of 2019.

But then, 2020 came, then late February, 2020 * sighs *. The airing of the three series had to be held off. Late Autumn that year, another NCM production, the classic Wuxia series The Deer and the Cauldron (鹿鼎記), ... didn’t do so well.

The rumour went like this: NCM had to immediately release The Wolf to make up for the commercial failure of The Dear and The Cauldron. The end of 2020 was drawing near, and it soon had to report to China Literature a 900 million RMB net profit. It had to release a series with That Cute Dude; it didn’t matter that, perhaps, the studio could’ve made more profit by delaying its airing just a little longer, with more marketing and fanfare. It had to try to hit the target.

In retrospect—the “hindsight-is-twenty-twenty” kind of retrospect—November 2020 was probably the right time to test waters for The Return of That Cute Dude anyway, and to clear the 3-year-old The Wolf off NCM’s shelf. But it was impossible to know then; testing waters means ... there was a significant chance of failure, of backlash. In all cases, however, this was a story with a happy ending (hence, the truthfulness of the rumour no longer mattered): NCM managed to make its target profit in 2020 after China Literature had agreed to relax the target because of COVID, which had led to a major decrease in revenue from commercials.

And here’s the thing: it was a close call, and NCM is no small potato; founded in 2007, it was already an established, well-reputed media production company before 2018.

Production studios run a high risk, high return business. A hit, and they get to sustain themselves for a while; a flop, and they may never recover. Meanwhile, in China, they also have little control of the release schedule—an argument against the truthfulness of the rumour would be this: The Wolf couldn’t have aired without the NRTA already having given the series its approval, without the online platforms agreeing to distribute (and turtles know how ... complicated this process can be).  

Similar VAM stories, in which the invested barely made it, or had to pay a substantial sum of money after failing to hit target, have also been heard in the film production arm of the industry, the management arm. In the case of the latter, the management company may have to accept low quality projects for its artists just to hit the target—projects that can become dark spots in the artists’ career.

C-ent isn’t really well-positioned right now to take another hit in its income source. After decades of propaganda that capitalism is communism’s mortal enemy, talks of the term “Capital” (資本) in China often carry a negative connotation. And “Capital”, indeed, has been associated with corruption, under-the-table deals, bribery, getting people out of wrongdoings, getting people into wrongdoings. One may say, “Capital” has acquired a strange reputation in the country—as a thing people both dream they're part of and hate the idea of—that some of us may have heard c-fans trying to dissociate their favourite stars from the word. 

However, stripped from the moral, ideological judgements, Capital is simply lots of money, and any entertainment industry without lots of money isn’t all that peachy, limited in the types of high quality productions it can make, the choices its actors, writers, directors, artistic teams etc have. 

(Period dramas, Wuxia and Xianxia dramas tend to be significantly more costly to make. C-ent therefore has had a near monopoly on them these recent years. Cash-poor Hong Kong and Taiwan entertainment industries have focused on cheaper-to-make modern dramas instead.)

Fear is another major challenge to a peachy future for c-ent and its workers.

If the fight between The State vs The Capital continues to escalate, if the pressure on Capital from the state continues to increase, fear may eventually become the prominent motivator behind business decisions pertaining to c-ent, overtaking common sense and financial incentives that are more comprehensible and predictable. In this case, anything can happen; anything that is thought to displease the government—even if the government doesn’t actually care—can be axed, offered as a “sacrifice” to get the government to get off the offerers’ back. 

This risk is, again, not limited to those who have participated in aired Dangai dramas. As one may see these days, the list of things that has displeased the Chinese government is long. Things that once pleased the government may become an offence in a few years time (example: fan culture).

The more practical question to ask, then, is: will the pressure on Capital continue to increase? Will the tech giants, for example, have to continue to haemorrhage their company’s worth to the government? Will more billion-dollar industries be uprooted? 

This has been a very hot issue among c-politics watchers. 

Those who have lived under the rule of the Chinese government, or are aware of its policies, may know that it’s actually common for the Chinese government to interfere with  ... everything every now and then, with loud opinions and louder (but not always useful) new rules. These people may know, too, that it is just as common for everything to simply return to the status quo after a while of sound and fury. 

The return to the status quo may still be the outcome for this round of c-ent’s “regulation”. Why are so many people watching then? And on the edge of their seats?

Many c-politics analysts and watchers—those who cannot usually tell one idol from another—have been watching because of what some have suspected, or feared, about Xi for years. And before I get into their (worst) fear, I’d like to emphasise this. Political analyses are often speculative, and political analyses pertaining to China, especially so. Trying to guess the motivations of a government that lacks transparency always requires ample guesswork, piecing together subtle hints and shaky rumours. Word choices are dissected, compared to historical texts; key terms are counted one by one 

(It’s not unlike how turtles excavate candies, sometimes). 

This care is necessary. Too liberal an approach, and the conclusions become conspiracy theories. Too conservative, and they miss the important warnings—warnings that, if ignored, can ruin the lives of some people. When the government works in obscure ways, when its policies can change over night and important people can override what is written in the laws, these analyses, speculations are often what their audience rely on to make their decisions.

I’m not much of a follower of these analyses for that reason; I'm often uncomfortable with speculations. I’ve also, therefore, refrained from talking about them, spreading them. However, I’m making an exception this time because the following viewpoint, as I mentioned, has circulated for years and among multiple analysts who understand the Cultural Revolution well, some as first person. The same viewpoint has also been whispered in the recent grumblings of unhappy c-netizens. 

More importantly, I’m making an exception because this viewpoint offers insight as to why, despite many of the recent criticisms made by the state have actually been made before (example: ”fan circle”: 1, 2, 3 from 2020; “sissy”: 1, 2 from 2018), c-ent is reacting so strongly to them, putting in so much effort to comply.

Why, in other words, the industry appears to be so afraid. 

Perhaps, a good place to begin is a Maoist commentary published online on 2021-08-28, which caused an uproar among c-politics watchers. Written by a small time writer, the commentary was nonetheless reblogged by all the important Chinese state media (the original text is found here). 

This article went into more details about why the commentary drew so much attention both domestically and in the Chinese diaspora. The TL;DR version is this: those familiar with the “May 16th notification” (五一六通知) that started the Cultural Revolution in 1966 found the language and content of this commentary similar. This commentary was therefore viewed to be possibly historic, the first shot fired for a New Movement similar to the Cultural Revolution—the New Movement postulated by many that Xi has been trying to make happen, based on the accumulating list of current events; the New Movement that some, for simplicity’s sake, has named the Cultural Revolution 2.0. 

The Cultural Revolution (1966-76) has been widely interpreted as a power struggle between Mao and his once heir apparent, Liu Shaoqi 劉少奇. This New Movement, these c-politics watchers have postulated, will be the battle between Xi and Capital.

How is c-ent relevant to this? Why are people watching c-ent to see if this hypothesis—that A New Movement is about to take place, or is already taking place—is true?

This has to do with the role played by, and the fate of the arts and entertainment during the Cultural Revolution.

What was memorable, and terrifying about the Cultural Revolution was this: in the name of attacking the 'Four Olds' of Chinese society (Old Ideas, Old Culture, Old Habits, and Old Customs), the movement ... almost destroyed China itself. The “Four Olds” included every pre-Communist element of China that, supposedly, was getting in the way of the Communist revolution; almost all adults were therefore connected to them in some way—”Old” was often just their habits, their background, their jobs, their favourite pastime. Association with the Four Olds was, therefore, an easy “crime” to accuse anyone of. And to carry out this attack of the Four Olds—and remove Liu in the lawless chaos that would result—Mao mobilised the Red Guards, student youths whose fervent worship of Mao made the fan circles of 2021 look like bored passer-bys. 

Intellectuals, anyone with ties to the West, with the former Nationalist / Kuomintang government were killed, tortured or publicly humiliated; books old and new, historical sites, cultural relics were destroyed. Laws, ethics and moral codes of the society, common sense ... they were no longer relevant (story); sinners and not-sinners were judged by one criterion—perceived loyalty of the accused to Chairman Mao, determined by the Red Guards who would then oversee, execute their punishment.

(The ”Three loyalties, 4 Infinites” slogan will demonstrate this in a bit.)

It was a period of extreme unrest, and extreme violence. 

It affected all levels of the Chinese society. Arts and entertainment, however, were the first sectors to be purged. They were already intricately tied to Old Ideas and Old Culture; Chinese opera, for example, the favourite pastime of commoners of the time, was almost two millennia old. Back when literacy was very low—and that was true for most of China’s history—these plays and their related forms of storytelling were how folk lores and histories, especially those omitted in the official source, were passed down from generation to generation. 

Chinese operas were filled with the Old—stories of Old dynasties, Old imperial courts, Old war heroes and Old scholars and Old trials and Old romances. Old songs. Old poetry. Old costumes. Old dances.

As it is the case now, however, the Chinese government during Mao’s era saw its arts and entertainment as tools of propaganda. Propaganda tools are to be controlled tightly, and early especially if a war, a quest for power is to be waged. The corollary, one may say, to this logic is this: before, or at the beginning of the war, the quest for power, perceivable shudders are expected in arts and entertainment. 

In the case of the Cultural Revolution, may considers the first shudder to be Mao’s denouncement of a popular Chinese opera named Hai Rui Dismissed from Office 海瑞罷官, written by the historian and Beijing politician, Wu Han 吴晗, in 1961. 

The play, about an incorruptible official in the Ming Dynasty who had dared to impeach the Emperor for his corruption, was meant to encourage officials to be upfront about the challenges they met during the implementation of state policies; Wu wrote the script at Mao’s request to create something for that purpose. However, in 1965, an opinion piece appeared in the press—commissioned by Mao’s wife Jiang Qing 江青 and approved by Mao—that panned the play as a veiled criticism of Mao’s dismissal of his former defence minister Peng Dehuai 彭德懷, who had been fired in 1959 after telling Mao that the Great Leap Forward had not succeeded.

(”Not succeeded” was a vast understatement: the series of failed policies in the Great Leap Forward (1958-62) led to death of 15-55 million people).

Artists connected to Hai Rui were arrested, their possessions seized; they were publicly humiliated, tortured, killed. Wu Han died in prison in 1969 for his “crime”; his wife was tortured to death the same year and near the end of the movement, his daughter committed suicide in a mental asylum—a common final destination for those who survived the torture. The main actor of the play, the beloved, legendary Ma Lianliang 馬連良, was also tortured to death.

The targeting of artists and entertainers would continue for the rest of the Cultural Revolution, while creative expression came to an almost complete complete halt. The need for extreme political correctness, in combination with the severe punishment of those accused of not being sufficiently correct, led to, perhaps, the largest scale, most brutal “Canceling” in history. Soon, only a handful of Revolutionary Operas (aka Model Operas 樣板戲) were performed in China.

How many is a handful? 

There were eight original Revolutionary Operas, listed in the editorial of People’s Daily on 1967/05/31, named 革命文藝的優秀樣板 “The Fine Models of Revolutionary Art”. By the end of the Cultural Revolution, the number was twenty-six.

Advertisement by the Anhui Revolutionary Committee, celebrating the performance of all 8 original Revolutionary Operas in their province.  (Source)

Stage photo from 智取威虎山 “Taking Tiger Mountain by Strategy”. Performers in Revolutionary Opera wore modern costumes. (Source)

The legendary Chinese opera actor, Mei Lanfang 梅蘭芳 (1894-1961), known for his lead female roles (Dan 旦), in a traditional Peking Opera costume. (Source)

*Nods *. For almost 10 years, 800 million people watched the same, two dozen stories over and over again. Chinese operas sung those stories; ballet dancer danced those stories; orchestra played the the music of those stories. Performances of these stories was considered essential to show devotion to the early Cultural Revolution slogan 三忠於四無限 (”Three loyalties, 4 Infinites”), the three loyalties being:

忠於毛主席 (Loyalty to Chairman Mao) 忠於毛澤東思想  (Loyalty to the Thoughts of Chairman Mao) 忠於毛主席的無產階級革命路線 (Loyalty to the Road to Proletarian Revolution by Chairman Mao)

The 4 infinities were as follows, describing attitudes towards the 3 loyalties: 無限崇拜 (Infinite worship) 無限熱愛 (Infinite adoration) 無限信仰 (Infinite faith) 無限忠誠 (Infinite loyalty)

”Three loyalties, 4 Infinites” highlight the Chairman Mao craze in China during the Cultural Revolution. They also highlight the critical differences between the Cultural Revolution and the political climate in summer, 2021 ~ why other analyst believe that, even if there is a New Movement, it won’t be a Cultural Revolution 2.0.

Two key differences are, for example:

1) Worship for Xi in 2021 is nowhere near in fervour compared to the worship for Mao in 1966. Relatedly, Xi’s words have not demonstrated the power to mobilise the masses to the point of completely overriding laws, ethics, moral codes and common sense. Mao was a very charismatic leader; more importantly, he was the founding father of Communist China. Xi, meanwhile, has not had any major political accomplishments, or scored important military victories during his 9 years in office (some believe the military aggression against Taiwan has been waged for this reason). 

2) While Reporting (”Ratting out”) Culture has returned with a vengeance, the Red Guards who were permitted to dole out punishment based on the reports and their whim have, so far, not re-surfaced. There are no parades of torture and public humiliation on the streets. The Cultural Revolution was a social movement of the masses; the re-distribution of power proceeded from the bottom towards the top of the power hierarchy. Right now, the state’s take down of Capital runs in the opposite direction: the state is at the top, acting against Capital on a lower rung. 

ETA: What has NOT happened in 2021: a public humiliation party (批鬥大會). Wu Han is at 00:15 of the clip. Note the size of the crowd and their young age.

Regardless of their opinions, c-politics watchers are watching c-ent closely. They’re watching not because they believe the artists and entertainers of 2021 will be publicly humiliated or tortured, but because arts and entertainment, by having to face their audience public, offer a relatively transparent window to the opaque workings of the Chinese government. Because history has informed these watchers that, if a New Movement is indeed about to happen, arts and entertainment will be among its earliest battlefields, and where the first well-known casualties will likely be found—similar to Wu Han and Ma Lianliang from Hai Rui’s Dismissed from Office. Because the industry, in being the state’s propaganda apparatus, means the message it sends (and doesn’t / cannot send), via its stars, its media products, will have to be clear to be communicated—it isn’t difficult to guess the take-home message of the opera Taking Tiger Mountain by Strategy just from the stage photo above. These messages will offer vital clues about the direction, and more importantly, the intensity the state is intending to move—whether it’ll stop at “trimming” Capital, or it’ll only stop at the latter’s destruction.

Does Capital, the power players in business and the stock market believe that the state is waging a New Movement against them? I’m far too distant from them to know. 

But, movement or not, the Chinese government has already shown a willingness to make significant economic sacrifices, shake the pillars, the very foundations of its economy in the battle. Capital, therefore, has a reason to be afraid, to be super careful about what they do, play the very obedient child for the time being.

Things are therefore volatile right now in all areas where Capital touches; c-ent is just one of them. This volatility, however, isn’t likely to have truly stemmed from the “incorrectness” of Dangai, or “sissy’s”, or the list of “cancelled” stars and their mistakes, or “fan circles”, or even, from the Clear & Bright campaign (which is actually in its 2nd year; there was a Clear & Bright campaign 2020 that few noticed). They may be cited as the reasons, but the volatility is part of the pressure system of the overall political climate of the country. 

And people are watching, alarmed because of the backdrop, because other billion-dollar industries collapsing in the background. How truly afraid is c-ent itself? A simple thing to watch, perhaps, may be how the state-issued criticism against “sissy’s” will translate into action. As mentioned briefly, the same criticism has already made its round once in 2018, the lasting legacy of which is the (in)famous earring ban that while making little sense, has also done little harm. 

(As with this time, the industry had little idea of how the state defined “sissy” in 2018.).

What will happen this time may serve as a gauge of the atmosphere in c-ent. How much fear, how much anxiety it actually contains.

With all that said, what are us fans to do then? Is there anything we can do to help?

The best thing we can do—and this is my humble opinion, as usual—is to keeping doing what we usually do. Keep fanning. Keep loving. Keep our corner of fandom calm and happy. Whatever is happening, whatever will happen, is way, way bigger than any of us, than fandom, than even the entire Chinese entertainment industry. And should something less than peachy happens to our favourite things in China, to our sibling communities, I hope everyone will consider remembering this—and this is, perhaps, the message I hope to send with this meta—it’ll very unlikely be the fault of anyone, any subgroups within our fandom(s), even though the blame may be laid upon them. Scapegoating is common at uncertain times like this, mob mentality even more so, and the most precious qualities one can combat them with are independent thinking, and a good memory of what, and who, we’re here for.

(Love. Gg and Dd.)

The giant cogwheels of Chinese politics are turning, as they’ve always been. Are they beyond our control? Yes. Can we pitter patter on the teeth of the gears, and for the more nimble ones among us, hiphop, lock, pop, break, urban?

Yes.

(My move: King Tut. Um, the King Tut in Egypt, not the ones in SDOC4 :D.)

Keep calm. Carry on.

That’s what turtles do. That’s what turtles are born to do. ❤️💛💚

[visd3stele]

Remus image - angst & fluff

*mostly angst with a tinsy bit of fluff

*forced marriage trope

summary: you're a Slytherin pure blood dating Remus Lupin, but your family has other plans

TW: none

A/N: any thoughts and opinions are welcomed. I'd love your reviews. Requests are open, too, if any of you are interested in that

masterlist

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

You're staring at the high ceiling, wide awake and way past the middle of the night. In your hands, an envelope is twitching with every move of your fingers, twisting its corners anxiously. You received it at dinner that night, the letter from your family. And wisely waited until the privacy of your room to open it. Around you, pure bloods Slytherins were sound asleep. You made sure not to let any emotion show, on your face or voice. Something everyone in between the walls of the Slytherin residence could most likely do.

You read it once. Then again and again until each word, each letter carved its mark in your brain. Carefully, you folded it back, wrapping it in the thick layer of the envelope. Despite having stopped reading it, the news your family dropped on you kept on repeat in your mind. Over and over and over. Marriage. They found you a perfect, pure blood spouse to marry. No matter that you were still in school. And only sixteen. And already having a boyfriend.

But of course, that last part might be exactly why your blood supremacist family decided to take your love life in their hands at last. For you were dating Remus Lupin, head boy of Griffindor. Involuntarily your lips moved upward at the mere thought of him. The way his soft brown hair feels under your palms when he lays his head in your lap in the afternoon – that is when you convince him to take a break from learning for a change. Your smiled deepened. The way his scarred hands stroke your face right before he leans in to kiss you. You blushed in the dark. The way his eyes sparkle after one of the Marauders notorious pranks. The way he rolls his eyes and leave a snarky comments to any Slytherin who mock your relationship and how it only masks his own fears and self doubts.

Now you were crying. You'll have to break up with him. You'll have to break up with him without bringing the marriage up. You didn't want him to think back on what could have been years after. It's better if he thinks there is no chance anymore to be with you. And you had to do it quick. News spread in the pure blood community and risking lying about your parents intention only to fool yourself a bit longer with stolen happy times was as self destructive as it can get at this point.

You slipped your body on one side. And tossed. The envelope fell off your bed. You didn't bother to pick it up. But someone did. You felt it rather than hear it, someone picking it up and placing it on your nightstand.

" 'Morning," that sweet voice you loved so much whispered. And you snapped your head towards it in shock. Only to find a very uncomfortable Remus Lupin, switching from leg to leg, smiling awkwardly at you.

"It's five in the morning." He stated before you could find your words through the foggy veil of your thoughts. "And the sunrise is about to start..." Remus went on, looking anywhere but at you.

More tears sting your eyes, threatening to slide down your cheeks and getting completely out of your control. Here he was, your perfect boyfriend, sneaking in your bedroom to take you to see the sunrise. For you, this boy defined romance and no amount of scars, secret disappearances on the full moon and mysteries surrounding it could change that. You were more than willing to give him time, let him open up to you when he feels like it. After all, he has great friends to share secrets with and you wouldn't get in between them.

Biting your lips, you closed the distance and hugged him tight. After less than a second of hesitation, Remus put his hands around you as well. You needed it, the proximity, the safety, the warmth and love. When you were sure your voice won't break, you breathed a question to him. "And how are you planning to sneak me out?"

Remus saw right through your attempt. He pulled back a little, enough to brush his fingers over your swollen face. "Have you been crying?" Worry clouded those beautiful brown eyes. You shook your head, snatching yourself from him and desperately wiping your tears. You should do it now. Tell him it's over. Spare him – and yourself – for the pain and torture of stretching it longer. It was time to face it: your relationship was doomed from the start.

But you couldn't. Not yet. Just a little more time, you bargained with yourself. Just that sunrise together. One last date. You promised to no one. So you made yourself swallow and said instead "My family," dismissing any further remarks.

Remus pulled you back into his lean body, long arms the only thing holding you together. He needed no other explanation. Thanks to that friend of his, Sirius, Remus knew exactly what those two words meant coming from a pure blood kid. He pressed a kiss on top of your head, caressing your back in soothing large circles. Voice dipped with concern, he asked "Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to distract you?"

"What about taking me to see that sunrise you mentioned and we'll figure it out from there?"

He nodded, led you to the now slightly opened window and motioned for his broom flying within reach.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

The sun beamed from between rare clouds, spread amongst a royal blue sky. Orange light crowned the ascending golden disc, fading into a soft purple and light pink at its edges. The curtain of morning mist broke the rays in matt bliss, wrapping around your entangled figures.

A wet coldness flew on with the tentative mist, but Remus planned everything ahead, it seemed. He had a wool blanket at ready, different bits and pieces of clothing, threads and patches sewed together.

"Don't tell me you picked up knotting, Moony." You didn't know when it happened, but you had taken on calling him by the silly nickname his friends did.

"No. My mother made it, actually." The scar on his lip pulled up as he patted the spot next to him. He had laid a blanket on the freshly cut grass near the Black Lake and held his mother's gift in a silent invitation.

You snuggled in, circling his waist with your arms and nuzzled your nose in the crook of his neck. "Y/n!" he exclaimed, a shiver running through him at the contact with your cold skin. You sent him a grin that had nothing to do with apologies and you both snickered before turning awe filled eyes to the sunrise.

Remus let his own head lean down on your own, brown hair slightly brushing your forehead. His hand found its way to yours and as your fingers laced together he rubbed his thumb on top of your palm.

Content silence settled in. Only birds dared sing a sharp note once in a while. Your boyfriend knew how to choose a date spot, you were more than happy to give him that. The marvelous sight the sky presented doubled in the lake's still waters. Calmness washed over you. Here and now, with Remus' hand in yours, your head resting on his shoulder, everything pieced into place.

You turned your face, meeting the warn off material of his shirt and placed a kiss there. Lifting your lips upward, you kissed his exposed neck as well. Then his cheek, lingering close to his lips before stopping to murmur "I love you, Remus Lupin! So, so much."

He met your lips with his own and you were thankful he said nothing about the pang in your voice. "And I you, my darling." His glittering eyes, filled with adoration and care, were too much for your heart to bear. It was all you could do to close your eyelids tight and press into his side even more.

"Is something wrong, y/n?" Remus asked, shifting his arm to welcome your new position.

"No. Nothing. Just overwhelmed by everything I feel for you." And in a way, it was true. Not the whole truth, but as you couldn't give him that...

An unsure smiled played on your lips. He brought your face to his again, laying a kiss on your nose. You scrunch it up and made a face at him. He tried to bit back his laugh, but failed as a bundle of it escaped in a soft breath, tingling your flushed cheeks.

Remus kissed you again, this time on the bridge of your nose. Which earned him a giggle and a wide smile. Bringing your hands to his face, you cupped his cheeks and touched your noses together.

"We're missing the sunrise. And you put so much effort in this."

"Hmmm," he mused, leaning in your touch. "The sun does much of the work, to be fair." You burst in laughing at that, shaking your forehead against his.

You two traded more kisses – and then some more, bathed in the dawn light of a new day.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

"Where have you been?" You heard James Potter asked your boyfriend when you bumped in him and the rest of the Marauders in the hall.

Peter waved at you, while Sirius gave you a knowing smirk at which you rolled your eyes. Truth be told, their demand wasn't misplaced. You and Remus didn't show up at breakfast, and run late for the first class.

"Down at the lake, Prongs. I should know better than to ask for notes, right?"

"Not to worry, Moony, you didn't miss much."

You left Remus to his friends, brushing your lips to his as a form of good-bye. You headed to your room. Thoughts swirled in your mind, flying by so fast you barely registered them. You passed Narcissa and Lucius on your way. They have been married since year four, something you found very unsettling. At that time, you belittled Narcissa for not fighting off her families wishes, like her sister and cousin. But now, that you found yourself in her place? You started to understand. To understand that courage is not so easy to haul up from whatever pit it lays dormant in one's being.

So lost in thoughts, you haven't noticed the guy sitting on your bed until he spoke, voice laced with disgust. "You better kick that sorry excuse of a wizard away before we make our engagement public, honey."

You startled. "Who...?"

"Why, your new husband, of course."

"Future husband. And Remus is a fine wizard, greater than you could ever hope to be."

The stranger only rolled his eyes and huffed. "Whatever you say, honey. Just make him gone by noon. I have plans for us before the ceremony."

A ceremony that would take place in a few months, once summer blooms, you realized, dread chilling your blood in your veins. The tight line of your lips followed your betrothed until he left and swiped the door close.

Noon. Break up with Remus by noon. Make it look like it's over because there is no love anymore. Let him think you choose this smug, full of himself, brainless, boorish brute over him. It's the right course of action. So you told yourself. And so you did. Any hope for standing up against your family gone.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Wind howling outside, rain pouring, you thought the weather mocked you. It just happened to turn gloomy and morbid all of a sudden, when you were about to break the heart of the most precious boy in the whole school. And yours too in the progress.

"Remus, can we talk for a second?"

"Sure, what is it?" He turned his whole focus on you, dropping mid conversation with his mates about whatever prank they were up to next.

"Moony!" three offended sighs followed you as you dragged Remus to a more private spot. The way he no more than waved at his friends, giving all up for you, knowing you had a bad day, strung a painful chord in your soul. You did not deserve this boy. Maybe the wedding was a good thing after all.

"Hey, y/n, talk to me," Remus whispered when you came to a halt. His fingers searched for yours, trying to turn you around to face him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here for you. We'll fix it."

"No." You said, and cursed your weak voice. You still didn't face him. "No we won't fix this." You spoke again, this time with more surety, allowing a sharp edge to it.

Bless his too kind soul, he didn't balk away. Instead, he took one stop forward, resting his head on your spine and bringing his long arms around you. "Everything's gonna be fine, y/n. I promise."

It took a superhuman effort to break free of his embrace. And you finally swirled to meet his soft brown eyes. Tears rolled down, dripping from your chin, but you didn't let him comfort you. Shacking your head, you took another step back, building distance between you, as if the following words would hurt less that way.

"Everything's not gonna be fine, Remus. Not with us. Not anymore."

For a couple seconds, he stared at you, confusion painting his beautiful features. Then, realization sunk in. And in that moment, you were sure nothing could ever hurt you as badly as his pain struck expression. His parted lips, moving in vain to form words that doesn't exist. His frenzy eyes, looking all over yourself, searching for any sign of a cruel joke. For a trace that you weren't being serious. Eyes that begin to water when he found none.

But he refuse to let the tears flow. Remus led his stare to a dark, far away corner of the empty hall. Heat colored his face, a light shade of pink that not even the cool from the open window couldn't beat down. "So that's why you were distant this morning?" Your boyfriend asked, bitterly even as his voice was small, lost. "That's why you avoided me all day and didn't look me in the eye once, more than a passing moment?"

You knew better than answer. You had nothing to say anyway. "I'm sorry, Remus. I've been meaning to tell you earlier..."

A razor sharp laugh bit your words off. "But you took pity on the poor half-blood."

No, no it wasn't like that, you wanted to say. Those remained only thoughts as you wiped your face and crossed your arms to keep them from reaching out. Reaching out to him, reassure him, hug him. Whatever he believed, you'd roll with it. If he thought you an evil pure blood, then fine! You'll be that.

An image of your mother's face, lips curled in disgust at the last Quidditch match when Slytherin lost again in favor of Gryffindor, served as model for the expression you forced your own face into.

"I didn't want it to be like this. Goodbye, Remus Lupin."

You turned. And left. Just left. You kept your back straight as you walked away from the boy who tickled your heart. Who placed feather light kissed on your cheeks, and nose and forehead for days into your relationship, too shy to initiate something more without your worded agreement. The wizard who helped you with assignments, not thinking anything less of you when you weren't perfect. Who let you fall asleep in his lap at Hogwarts' few parties that you couldn't stand due to your family. This guy who gave you everything you were too afraid to dream of. And you just walked away, as if couldn't be bothered to care.

His fist thrumming once on the hallway's wall filled your ears, a sound forever carved in your brain. The thud that followed, of him sliding down on the floor you guessed, printed an image in your mind you'll pray to forget. Remus' silent sobs, though, almost made you turn around and run towards him.

You didn't so much as cast a glance back, knowing what you'll see and too much of a coward to bear it. His body shaking with crying, knees cradled to up to his chest where his chin digged in, covered by lean arms with palms crossed over his head.

His friends would find him. They'd help him. Remus will move over and forget you. Each sentence was another step. Each step, another crack in your heart. By the time you reached your room, collapsed in your bed and twisted in a similar position to your boyfriend's – ex boyfriend. It made you understand, showed you far too clearly why he'd sit like that. The pure devastation and despair, the attempt to contain a hollowness within, to replace a part where a whole, happy heart used to beat.

You broke Remus Lupin's heart. And yours was just as shattered. And there was no going back from it now.

PART 2

[justabitsp00ky]

Youtube’s New Username 666 Rabbit Hole - Don’t Misspell “watch”

tw for disturbing imagery all images featured will link off site, images will feature fetuses, babies, and otherwise unsettling images. Images will be still and will not feature jumpscares. I will try me best to describe each image. View at your own discretion.

Lately there’s been new memes going around warning people not to remove the h in a youtube link: “youtube.com/watch”, prompting curious people to do it for themselves to see what will happen when you do that. This will work with literally any video you try it on. It will also work as “wathc” and “wath”.

So, what does happen when you do it? Well, you’ll find a rather simple, but unsettling video. The video is a looping animation that only lasts a couple seconds before looping for the 2:03 video length. It features 4 red babies (or perhaps a fetus), one on the top hanging upside down, one coming up from the right side, one coming up from the bottom, and one coming up for the left side. The baby on the bottom is larger than the other babies. The animation is of their heads spinning around 360. They stand in front of an unidentifiable image, which to me looks like flowers.

Below the read more I will explain the legendary origins of the video and an attempted explanation of the whole thing. It’s rather lengthy, hence why it’s going under read more. If you do read it, thank you in advanced!

So what on earth is that? Well, it’s a video from the famous Username 666 video uploaded by youtuber nana825763, who is a Japanese horror artist, as well as a minecraft player. The video features someone going on youtube back in the very early days, searching up “youtube.com/666″. At first an error message states the account was suspended, but after refreshing several times, the page starts to change. With each refresh, the the webpage starts getting creepier, starting from thumbnails not loading but being listed as “666″, to the background coming black, until the background looks to be fleshy and covered in holes, a trypophobic nightmare. The channel is now finally accessed, and the user begins to look through videos on the channel. One of the three videos showcased is the one above. Username666 became a legendary creepypasta, and one of the earlier ones on the internet, as it dates back to 2008. Legends even had it that the channel was real, with people trying to find ways to access it, though obviously this wasn’t real.

So what exactly is going on here? Is username666 real after all? Or is it a youtube easter egg? Let’s be real, youtube would never do an easter egg like that with their squeaky clean image. The video is actually a fan-made channel, named “666″, with two videos from the username666 video. The second video actually also comes from the username666 video uploaded by nana825763, though it isn’t the one you can find by messing with the urls. It looks like a woman drowning in blood, with bugs crawling along the video and hands coming up and squash them.

So now we know it’s a fan making the channel and reuploading videos used in the original username666 video. But this wouldn’t be anything to note if it weren’t for the url tricks. To be real, I’m still a bit fuzzy on what is going on exactly, since I don’t understand coding or anything, but I will explain from my understanding.

Youtube urls work in an interesting way. As we take this url from a spunchbob compilation video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6v3qgkcH5I, we can learn that a video url is two parts. The youtube.com/watch is the base url, while  ?v=d6v3qgkcH5I is a search query, with the “?” working as a “/” to separate it from the base url, “v=“ being a video, and d6v3qgkcH5l being the ID for the video. In the case of an invalid query, it will simply take you to the youtube homepage. Another thing about youtube search, is that you can simply search “youtube.com/[insert username here]” and find the channel page of whatever youtube channel you searched there. Even if you add an invalid search query, it will take you to the main channel page.

What this means is that when we have a url like www.youtube.com/watc?v=d6v3qgkcH5I, where the h is missing, we’re actually looking at a channel named “watc”. Same for the other variants, being channels named “wathc” and “wath”.

Youtube also has a feature that allows channels to make custom urls that are different from the displayed username, and another partners feature that allows it so that channels partnered with another can make it so the search for channel 1 redirects to channel 2 the partnered channel, though I’m not entirely sure how those work or how to access it. But channels with this feature in use can use a channel search that redirects to another channel. In other words, using one of these features, these 3 channels used this feature to redirect the channels “watc” “wathc” and “wath” to  the channel “666″. As for the rest of the url with search query, they probably have it somehow set up so that video when it invalid search query is entered, instead of just redirecting to the channel page, it redirects to the specific video they have registered.

We can see proof of this in play when we investigate the channel a bit further. We see that 666 follows one channel.

A channel named iluomo. When we view iluomo, we can see their channel page here.

We can also see the “yop was here” video.

The video is simply the text “yop” over a black background with some relaxing music, kind of like lo-fi hip hop beats to relax and study to. The description states, “Yes, your teacher is dumb and can’t paste a link.” This shows that it’s similar to the 666 channel, where it’s a prank that the user plays on people who mistype the youtube url they’re looking for.

We can see further proof when we see the url on their channel page.

We have one of our channels, wathc. Though the display name is iloumo, the channel itself is wathc. Only now, wathc doesn’t lead to yop was here, but it now leads to the 666 fetus video. This is what ties the whole thing together, and also shows us this is very likely the same person just revamping their prank.

Mystery solved... mostly. To sum it up, it’s some fan of the original creepypasta using youtube exploits to creep out people the manually type their youtube searches and make a typo.

The real buzzkill is that the channel owner pinned their discord server in the description, though commenters have warned that it’s full of edgy teens spamming the server and throwing slurs everywhere.