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butterflydm · 2 months

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The Queen of Attolia (plus some WoT comparisons)

Haha, it's been a few months but I got my chance to read the next book in the Queen's Thief series and it was so good! I am going to have two sections in this review -- my overall thoughts and then some specific thoughts that are mostly for @markantonys due to the series being her recommendation and I have a lot of thoughts about the comparisons between the Queen of Attolia x Eugenides and Mat Cauthon x Fortuona, because you can really do a point by point comparison, though I don't think it was intentional -- I think that Megan Whalen Turner and Robert Jordan were both going for the same idea but Turner was, imo, wildly more successful than Jordan at it.

But first, thoughts that don't particularly relate to The Wheel of Time:

We open with a tense cat and mouse chase between The Thief and the Queen's guardmen and that is really the heart of this book when it comes down to it -- a cat and mouse game between two extremely complicated people, and how they have to navigate in the world that they share.

Turner is really good at writing these fun action scenes where you're very much in the PoV of the character.

The (apparent) foundation that is laid here (that later gets overturned because Gen got to me again and he was once again acting on personal information that he kept from me for the majority of the book, lol, love him for it) - is very much beginning as enemies who have respect for each other's skills. At this point in the book, I knew that they would end up married due to spoilers and I know that it's considered a good romance, so I was really looking forward to seeing the journey, especially since I did get spoiled about the huge upcoming traumatic event.

But we start from this strong narrative place where they are aware of each other and have respect for each other but they belong to two separate counties that have some political tensions and they are both important parts of those countries and can't set that aside.

Because of how bold Gen is, Attolia has been backed into a corner by his actions and we actually see this affirmed by Gen's cousin (the Queen of Eddis) and her thoughts on the matter -- she is aware that Gen going into Attolia's country to spy on her is a dangerous thing for him to do.

And then the cutting off of his hand. This is brutal, and it feels brutal, and then we also get these hints of Attolia's reaction afterwards (that we get into more later) but especially her reaction when he begs her not to hurt him anymore and you can really see her feel the impact of what she did. She doesn't allow herself to show her remorse but even this early on, we're getting hints of it as readers.

Then when Gen goes home, we actually see that the Queen of Eddis also maintains a mask in public, just like Attolia does, so we see another hint here that Gen understands that kind of masking. Eddis looks just as cold and impenetrable to Attolia's guards who return Gen to her, as Attolia looks to everyone else.

I really appreciated how long the recovery time was after the loss of Gen's hand and how much time we spent with him to feel him get used to the changes (and how economically Turner is able to pass that time). We get these tiny looks at Attolia as well, and her difficultly sleeping at night, which we expand on later.

Then we get the return of the Magus from Sounis! It was really nice to see him again, dropping in to visit Gen, but he's also here to give us that continuation of the division between personal and political -- as a person who genuinely likes Gen, the Magus was upset about what Attolia did to him, but as the advisor to the king of Sounis, he knew that they would be able to use Eddis's reaction to Attolia's act on the political stage.

But what a way to learn that the two countries are at war!

It takes some time for Gen to really believe that Eddis went to war over him, and we see him processing that over the course of the book as well, and they talk about it more. I do think that Gen does not always realize how deeply other people care about him.

Turner really is so good at giving us these pieces of information that reframe the earlier story -- now we know that during all those snippets of Attolia that we had earlier, she was also dealing with realizing that her actions with Gen led to the war that she's currently embroiled in.

The progression of the war was really well done (again, Turner is very economical with her narrative here), with what details she chooses to focus in on, and we see that Gen, even though he has gained more of an ability to have that cold and impassive mask like Attolia has, still does things like make sure that no one is on the ships that he's destroying, because he doesn't like getting people killed.

Turner also does a really good job showing how destabilizing the war is to all three countries involved, and how the war is hurting everything.

We take a little mythology story break here in the narrative, which was a fun story about love and choice, both of which are very relevant. This story definitely does end up applying pretty heavily to Gen and Attolia in the themes, and I like the style that Turner tells these stories.

I love how perceptive Gen is once he's been apprised of the situation and we get to see the thought process that leads to him blaming the emperor's ambassador more for the loss of his hand than he does Attolia herself, because he sees that ambassador understood that seeing Gen maimed and returned to Eddis would be more like to spark a war than just killing him would, and a war is exactly what he needs in order to try to justify getting his troops onto Attolia's land. All the politics here are pretty complex but I feel like the book does a good job explaining the reasoning.

And this is also the point where it's really confirmed that Attolia knows that the ambassador is underestimating her, and that she also understands a lot of the things that he thinks that he's pulling over on her. But because of the fragile position that she's in, she needs to entertain the ambassador's advice and his attempts to sidle in on her country.

Quote about Gen: "It was like him that if he had to have a thing, to have the fanciest thing of its kind."

I really like all this about the cost of war; the price of war; and why this outside party has been trying to urge war on the three countries.

We also get Eddis admitting to Gen that she thinks that she could have possibly controlled herself and not started a war if he had only been killed, rather than treated in a way that she finds so insulting, and that it made her so angry that she made a choice that had now brought a lot of damage to their own country that she wishes could be avoided. And Gen can see, basically, that the ambassador of Medes is the one who put both Eddis and Attolia in this trap, and he was used as the tool to start this war.

We really move into Attolia's PoV and we get the story of the broken amphora (she thought about it when she saw Gen after she'd had his hand cut off) -- it was, essentially, the moment that marked when her life changed and she couldn't be a young girl anymore.

This really is a heartbreaking story -- how after her brothers died and she was the heir, her father essentially sold her off to be married, and her fiance was actively plotting against her father and how to suck her country dry for his own benefit after they were married. And how she kept herself quiet and small and just listened, but then poisoned him at their wedding feast, also having her captain of the guard kill the next man who tried to force her to marry him. We also see here that she only trusts loyalty that she can buy in gold (because every other kind of loyalty failed her).

Then we finally get the big reunion! This scene is so tense, with both Attolia and Gen wearing these cold masks (we later realize that Gen has pretty much directly modeled his mask on Attolia's) and we get this private negotiation that is only for the two of them. And this moment when it is literally just them, together on a boat, with no one else to interrupt them... just exquisitely done.

It's been implied before, but this is where we get our confirmation that Attolia has been just as haunted by Gen this entire book as he's been haunted by her. They've been separated for most of the book but constantly haunted by each other. I gotta share the quote:

"He was too young to have bones that ached. No matter what he thought of himself, he was hardly more than a boy. A boy without one hand. She reached up to push the wet hair out of her face, wondering when she had sunk so low that she had begun torturing boys. It was a question she had asked herself night after night, lying awake in her bed or sitting in a chair by the window watching the stars slowly move across the sky."

We've been seeing her do those things the entire book, but this is the first moment when we're told what she was thinking about in those moments.

We also get our Big Revelation here that Gen has had feelings for Attolia since before the events of The Thief! How does he hide these things from us so well! Gen! We learn here (and we get even more detail later) that he's been feeling drawn to her for literal years. That part of the reason that he made those trips that she thought were mockery was because he wanted to be close to her and get a look at her and see if she really was the monster that their spies reported that she was, or if she was just a woman who was being forced to make difficult, maybe impossible choices.

And then we get our story reversal where Attolia gets 'rescued' by the ambassador and his people, and we get to see how she behaves in these circumstances where she doesn't believe that she can trust Gen (sure, he said he loves her, but she cut his hand off! And he's a known liar! how can she trust him?) vs this dude that she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she absolutely cannot trust.

The moment when she tells her handmaidens not to put on her golden bee earrings, I knew exactly what she'd done, especially when we got Gen's reaction. The writing doesn't have to tell us in the moment what's occurring (that she put on the earrings that he left for her one time and that she said she would only wear if she'd decided to marry him) for us to know, and I love that. This coded sign that only he will understand.

It's the most unique and fascinating marriage proposal I've ever read. Well done. Haha, and I did guess that the gray-haired man that he fought so well with was his father. <3

Love the moment when we see him process that marrying the Queen of Attolia is going to mean... that he'll be the King of Attolia. He just wanted to marry her because he liked her! <3 <3

And everything after that was just so delightful. Working together for the double-cross and then the process of Eddis and Attolia working out the treaty and Eddis trying to convince Gen that they can have the treaty without the marriage, and his rejection of that, and then essentially testing Attolia with that offer as well.

I also really like one of the moments when Attolia realizes that she can trust Gen, which is when Eddis tells her that of course Gen also lies to her. Constantly. And I feel like that reframed a lot of her interactions with Gen for Attolia. Realizing that Gen wasn't being maliciously deceitful towards her; he's just Like That With Everyone. Plus, I can't forget the moment when, after the battle is won, Attolia and Eddis return to where Gen is being held and Attolia believes for a moment that he's been poisoned as a parting shot by the Medes ambassador and we can literally watch as her heart completely shatters and she is completely undone and devastated in her head and even shaken where people can see her. It's beautifully written.

And we get the moment with the gods (who are very real in this series but very carefully choose how they interfere) and it's just as well done as it was in the first book. The windows in the palace shattering as the goddess responds to Gen's sacrifice! And basically laying out to him that his suffering was required to reach this ending and would he trade it back if he could -- if it meant that Attolia would have been forced to make that deal with the Medes ambassador. And Gen would rather have Attolia in his life and wanting to marry him than have his hand back.

Just that whole final section that leads up to the ending of the book, with Attolia really being able to believe Gen when he says that he loves her... it's so good. How the narrative (and Eddis and Gen) are able to tease out Attolia's feelings for Gen, and how we end on that final quiet moment between the two of them. Really powerful ending.

It's a really good book and it's a really good romance. Gen and Attolia are both fantastic characters and even with all the twists and turns and revelations, their relationship felt incredibly captivating and believable. I really believe that Gen wants to break through Attolia's walls and, just as important, I feel like there's a person on the other side of those walls who is worth being loyal to and loving. You understand why Gen wants to be Attolia's husband, even after she ordered his hand cut off, which is very impressive storytelling.

Hopefully I'll get the chance to read the The King of Attolia soonish, and not in, like, four months.

And now onto the Wheel of Time/Mat & Tuon comparison section of the review for @markantonys 💖

It really does feel like a point-by-point improvement on Mat & Tuon, though I suspected unintentionally (it looks like this book came out 3 years before CoT).

Starting with the characters: wow, Attolia really is so much the person that I would have wanted Tuon to be. And she feels like the person that Jordan wanted readers to believe that Tuon was. Every place where I was going through my WoT reread and going "footage not found!" about something the narrative tried to claim about Tuon is something where the footage is very much found for Attolia. While Tuon's potentially heartbreaking backstory really is just backstory and ends up have zero impact on her active storyline, Attolia's tragic backstory is the entire spine of what her character is going through and what Gen can help her with.

We get to see and really experience Attolia's context, which is not something that we got with Tuon. Jordan makes an attempt, I guess, with Karade's sob story about Tuon and the doll, but he made the bizarre choice to frame this story in Karade's PoV (Tuon's slave), not from Tuon's PoV. For whatever reason, Jordan always insisted on making Tuon the most insufferably smug person in the world in her own PoVs.

With Attolia, we get those breaks in her mask that I kept desperately wanting us to get with Tuon but we never did. Again, this is mostly only for the reader, not even for Gen -- the reader gets to see behind Attolia's mask. And so Attolia is captivating and fascinating and I understand why she felt like she had to do these horrible things.

With Attolia, we actually get her being removed from her power base and feeling helpless, which Jordan never had the guts to do with Tuon (when Mat kidnaps Tuon, he lets her take her slave along with her, and then some of his allies decide to support Tuon over him despite having zero narrative or character-based reason to do so), which means that when Attolia regains her power, it has a much bigger impact on the narrative, while it felt like Tuon never really lost hers. Attolia and Gen both manage to be scrappy underdogs, in their own way, and that's something that Tuon never was.

Both Attolia and Tuon commit horrific acts, but while we see Attolia's remorse and how it torments her, Tuon always seems to shrug off the horrible shit that she does. It doesn't ever affect her emotionally and she never seems to think past it after it's done. She is a character without remorse or reflection (I think she vaguely thinks that it's a shame one time when she's pondering how she will break Mat's spirit but that's about it). And Attolia has those two qualities in spades. Attolia feels like a real woman to me in a way that Tuon never did. We see the brave face that she puts on, we see her regret and remorse, we see her loneliness, we see her jealousy over the Queen of Eddis, who is able to trust the members of her court in a way that Attolia has never felt she could trust her own. Tuon just feels really shallow in comparison to Attolia.

Even in the first cat and mouse scene with Attolia and Gen in this book, you can see the push and pull and the narrative equality of the characters. Gen has been in and out of four different strongholds of hers, and she feels that he's pretty much taunting her with his abilities. There's a mutual respect for the other person which was one of the big things that was missing for me with Mat and Tuon. In her final PoV in KoD, we learn that she has not had an ounce of respect for him during this entire journey -- it's not until she sees how the Band respects him that she considers whether or not there may be more to him than just being a pretty and dumb sextoy. And the big problem with that is that was the period when the 'romance' was being developed. During the time when she didn't have any respect for him as a person. And that makes it very difficult to find their relationship compelling, even apart from the fact that I found Mat himself profoundly unlikable in CoT & KoD.

Now, Mat being a terrible person (in CoT & KoD) and Tuon being a terrible person (always and forever) are not things that would stop me from shipping them in general. I am capable of finding Awful4Awful pairings compelling (like Louis and Lestat from Interview with the Vampire). They don't have to be good people, but there has to be something in the relationship that grabs onto me at any level, and that's where Mat and Tuon failed.

We can see in Attolia's thoughts that she envies the relationship that Gen has with the Queen of Eddis -- she envies that loyalty and wishes she could have something like that of her own. That sort of envy was also missing from CoT & KoD (I am going to mention, briefly, that some of these elements were present in the Mat & Tuon relationship in AMoL but at that point, it was just too late for me to give a shit about their relationship, because CoT & KoD thoroughly killed any interest that I had in them). Whether because of his own personal kinks or because of the plans that Jordan had for the Outriggers, Jordan made Tuon too much of an island; too much of an wall. The way he wrote her made me feel like nothing Mat could do would ever really matter to her in any way; that she was content to use him up and then throw him out and that's just not my thing. It may have been Jordan's kink but it is not mine.

So I definitely understand @markantonys's point about this feeling like a well-written version of Mat and Tuon! It really does feel like this is the sort of relationship that Jordan wanted to write with Mat and Tuon but didn't have the skill at romance writing to pull off. Something like Mat and Tuon is Hard Mode Romance and Jordan wasn't even always good at Easy Mode Romance.

Two of the key elements that really makes Attolia and Gen work for me is just getting to sit and exist in Attolia's emotional reactions to the wrong that she has done to Gen; and Gen acknowledging and processing the harm that she'd done. And both of those things were desperately needed with Mat and Tuon, both as characters and as a romance.

A major major part of why Mat and Tuon failed for me is because I didn't feel like Mat was actually reacting to her realistically for the vast majority of their page time together; she threatens to invade a city and he laughs it off, she assaults his companions that he freed from slavery and he thinks it's hot?!?, she talks about how she likes to torture women and he ignores it.

If Tuon had cut off Mat's hand, the way that Attolia cut off Gen's, it feels like Jordan would have just had Mat shrug it off and then buy her a puppy as a reward or something as his response. Here, we get Gen begging Attolia "please don't hurt me again" after she cuts off his hand and then we have months of separation and recovery and processing before the narrative takes him anywhere near her again. And Attolia is forced to reckon with what she did, first by being haunted by the memories of him crying from the pain and loss, and then she has to face it directly by seeing his stump, seeing the pain that he's still in (because of her). She has to admit (not just to herself but to him) the damage that she did before they can move forward together. This is something that Tuon never shows herself capable of on any level. Tuon is never allowed to grow as a person the way that Attolia is, or to be vulnerable with the audience or with Mat.

I definitely still really felt the Mat-Gen comparison in this book too. Lots of places, but there's a great moment in the meadow with him, Eddis, and the Magus, where Eddis explains that Gen has deliberately made people believe that he can't fight but he also still gets miffed sometimes if people fall for his carefully constructed facade.

And the moment when Gen tells Eddis that he plans to steal the Queen of Attolia. It really feels, again, like this is the sort of vibe that Jordan wanted us to believe existed between Mat and Tuon: "She may be a fiend from hell to make me feel this way but even if I've got to hate myself for the rest of my life, this is what I want. I dream about her at night." This intense draw and this pull that he feels towards her. Jordan appears to want us to believe that Mat feels this kind of draw towards Tuon at the end of KoD but has not created any kind of foundation in Mat's characterization as to why.

We also got the long separation between Attolia and Gen where they are haunting each other with their absence. Attolia and Gen just get the time that is needed to develop this relationship in a way that's believable. Time in the story, not page time. This book is shorter than CoT & KoD, and probably shorter than if you made a "Mat and Tuon" novella out of their scenes in those books. It's the actual 'in world' time that matters, that gives Attolia and Gen time to think about each other and miss each other in a genuine way.

For another comparison -- Gen 'steals' Attolia to marry her like Mat kidnaps Tuon, but the context is so incredibly different on every level. Mat gets, essentially, tricked into kidnapping Tuon by the 'finn (it never would have happened if he hadn't heard that prophecy) while Gen acts with intention the whole way through. Technically, in both cases, Gen and Mat are 'saving' Attolia and Tuon by kidnapping them, but we feel the weight of it with Gen and Attolia in a way that we don't with Mat and Tuon. And a lot of that is because the bulk of Gen and Attolia's build-up happens before the kidnapping, during the times when they're separated and haunted by each other. So once the kidnapping happens, it's quick-paced and moves the plot forward rather than, you know, just fucking around with a circus for a month.

We also know that Attolia has complicated feelings about Gen already. I talked about this with @markantonys but that really is something that needed to happen with Tuon so much sooner than it does in the books (there are two big Mat & Tuon scenes in AMoL that desperately needed to happen back in CoT, imo -- Tuon trusting that Mat isn't trying to kill her; and Tuon going wild trying to protect Mat in the command tent).

Attolia and Gen also genuinely have things that they can each offer the other person, while with Mat and Tuon, none of the things that Tuon offers are things that Mat actually wants (slaves bowing to him; being dressed up like one of the Blood; being formal at all times - these are things that some of Mat's fans want for him, but not things he wants for himself) and she just feels like this ravenous black hole that constantly takes and takes and takes and gives back nothing of value. When Gen is startled at the realization that marrying the Queen of Attolia makes him the King and he'll have to actually be a king, it's this incredibly sweet moment, because it illustrates so clearly that he wants Attolia for herself and not her country. When Mat reacts against the idea that marrying Tuon makes him royalty, it just kinda makes him look dumb, because we've been given nothing of value in Tuon herself as a person, and no reason for Mat to care about her.

With Tuon, Mat talks about how she's better than other nobles, but nothing she actually does on the page is better than any other Seanchan noble. It's all 'footage not found'. By contrast, every single positive thing that Gen says about Attolia is backed up by the text and we even get shown additional positive qualities that no one needs to talk about because it's right there in the text.

With Tuon, it feels like Mat is attempting to gaslight me (and himself?) into believing that an interesting character exists there despite all the evidence against it, while Attolia simply is a compelling character based on what happens on the page.

That fact that there are so many raw similarities between the two pairings, but my reaction to them are so different really does illustrate the importance of execution, imo. Attolia and Gen's romance manages to travel so much further than Mat and Tuon's, while also being considerably more economical with how many pages it took to get us there.

The point-by-point comparison (aka WoT's failure of execution):

Tuon's interior life is poorly illustrated in comparison to Attolia's; because she starts off as an even worse person than Attolia but so much less character work is done on her than on Attolia, who is haunted this entire book by how she has "sunk so low as to torture boys" (on that note, Turner's choice to make Gen the younger and more openly vulnerable one really works here).

Seeing that Attolia's handmaidens are genuinely affectionate and protective of her at the end of this book is so incredibly touching, because she had no expectation of their loyalty (she believes in the loyalty of gold, and gold alone, for the most part). Tuon, otoh, has slaves that she expects to be subservient and loyal unto death, so her slaves' affection for her (that was trained into them) is something that completely fails to move me. This difference in the expectations of the character also makes a huge difference in how their PoVs come off -- Attolia's walls are due to her internal vulnerability and we get to see that vulnerability in her PoVs; while Tuon comes across as full of herself and incredibly arrogant, taking everyone around her for granted.

We're told that Tuon is smart and perceptive but rarely get any evidence; while Turner shows us Attolia's intelligence and how she sees a lot more than people like the Medes ambassador believe that she does. We get to see Attolia's intelligence in how she tricks the Medes ambassador into believing that she's so much less perceptive and intelligent than she truly is. This is another place where Jordan's unwillingness to ever place Tuon into a genuinely vulnerable position really hurt the character. Turner wasn't afraid to make Attolia the underdog and knew that it wouldn't undermine her as a character, it would strengthen her, because we would get to see who she was in adversity. The set-up of Crossroads of Twilight should have led to us seeing Tuon in adversity but Jordan was allergic to allowing her to be truly vulnerable, and gave her people to hide behind (Selucia & Setalle Anan) the entire time.

Mat as an agent of chaos is wildly downplayed in comparison to Gen as an agent of chaos. The Seanchan end up getting spared the chaos that the end of the Age brought to pretty much every other society, even though Mat seems clearly positioned to bring their society crashing down even as late as Winter's Heart. Gen's actions, otoh, are constantly throwing other people's plans off.

Mat does not behave realistically to the horrible things that Tuon says and does -- with Gen, even though we find out towards the last third of the book that he was already in love with Attolia before the book begins, we still get his raw reactions to her doing things that hurt him. He has nightmares after she orders his hand cut off, his pained begging of her not to hurt him again, and how he develops his own mask of impassiveness that is modeled on her own. Gen also never throws away his moral code in order to try to force himself to be at peace with the relationship -- he grows and changes as a character as a result of his trauma, but he stays himself at the core.

Something else that Jordan could have used more in the books that would have helped develop an understanding of why Mat believes that something exists beyond Tuon's 'cold Empress mask' would have been to make the comparison between Rand's mask and Tuon's mask more clear in the narrative. Because there's too much separation in time between Rand and Mat's interactions with Mat and Tuon's interactions. In this book, seeing that Eddis also needs to put up a queenly mask of not caring about Gen at first (in front of the Attolian guards when they return him to her after his hand has been cut off) helps illustrate why Attolia needs the mask that she uses -- Eddis doesn't trust the Attolians, but Attolia feels like she can trust absolutely no one, and so she always needs the mask and feels like she can never take it off. That's compelling! It could have been compelling in Tuon too, if it had been written better.

On that note: Turner personalizes the damage that Attolia's cold mask and her ruthless defense of herself/her country is doing by having her hurt Gen directly, and that being something that she struggles with over the course of the book. With WoT, Jordan basically did everything he could to hide away the damage that Tuon/the Seanchan were doing from Mat in order to try to justify why he could ~fall in love~ with her (was it intentional? to set their relationship up for a fall later in the Outriggers? we'll never know) without ever actually changing Tuon/the Seanchan for the better, which also meant giving Tuon no reason to have any internal struggles over the choices that she's made.

Gen and Attolia get another thing that Mat and Tuon desperately needed but that Jordan refused to give them: privacy. They negotiate getting married (after Gen has kidnapped Attolia in a much more narratively satisfying kidnapping than Mat and Tuon's!) in privacy, just between the two of them; when we get the conversation about their feelings at the end, again it happens in private. That makes a huge difference. Jordan being unwilling to ever actually yank Tuon away from her full power base and her slaves was a huge hindrance to ever allowing her to be vulnerable. And I do chalk this up to unwillingness and not failures due to plot set-up because there is no good reason to have Selucia tag along on the kidnapping and then it's even more bizarre in CoT & KoD, when the character of Setalle Anan goes from being fond of Mat to all of a sudden acting like he's the worst person in the world and she must protect poor helpless baby girl Tuon from him.

Both Attolia and Tuon get tricked by their respective love interests about who they are as a person because of the facade that they put up, but Attolia still has respect for Gen and his skills, even as she doubts his character, and it is Gen's own actions that show her who he really is and make her believe in him; while with Tuon and Mat, she spends over a month with him and still refuses to look past his surface until she literally has her face rubbed into it by seeing the Band's reactions to him. This difference is a key one in making Attolia's failure to see Gen as a failure due to the protective walls that she has up; while Tuon's failure comes across as her just not being very perceptive or intelligent. And the fact that we don't get the moment when Tuon begins to have even the faintest shred of respect for Mat until the end of Knife of Dreams just meant that I felt even more like all the pages time that Jordan spent on the two of them in CoT & KoD was a complete waste of my time.

We got to have genuine reactions from all of Gen's loved ones about the relationship! This is a huge place where, I guess, Sanderson is the one who failed for a change instead of Jordan because wtf was Perrin's "lol you married now bro? haha" reaction to Mat being married to a slaver? Though Jordan also does this to a certain extent with Thom, who we are supposed to believe is in love with Moiraine, and yet who never calls Mat out on courting a woman who would enslave and torture Moiraine if she had the chance. By contrast, Eddis is genuinely hesitant and worried because of everything they've heard about how cold Attolia is, and because she's the reason that Gen's hand was cut off.

We get to see Attolia and Gen develop a shared language and see behind each other's walls. The moment when she wears the earrings that he left for her, and he knows that it means she's chosen to marry him of her own free will is such a huge and impactful moment, and the only people who are aware of what it means are Attolia and Gen! This is really a failure that happens based on earlier failures of execution: because Mat and Tuon are never allowed to be alone together, it's impossible for them to develop this kind of shared coding and shared language.

12. We also have the 'footage not found' issue, where one of the characters (mostly Mat) tries to tell me something about Tuon but the narrative completely fails to back it up: this is the case with Tuon being intelligent and perceptive (in the narrative shown to us, she never picks up on anything until her nose is forcibly rubbed in it); and this is case with Mat thinking near the end of Knife of Dreams that Tuon belongs in the same 'better than other nobles' bucket as Talmanes when she has never shown herself to be willing to make better choices than other Seanchan nobles: he is still, at this point, worrying that she might enslave him and turn him into her cupbearer; she has not only threatened but actually assaulted his companions; whenever she's placed in a position of power over other people, she takes advantage of it and them. We're told that she's not a child but she also throws a tantrum (and pottery) at Mat at the start of Crossroads of Twilight. This could have worked if Jordan had leaned into the fact that Mat is deliberately lying to himself in order to make his marriage bearable, but that's where things like randomly having Setalle Anan go over to Tuon's side messes with that narrative.

13. When Jordan has Mat think about how Tuon dying would be a deep loss to him, it's just baffling because she has not done a single thing the entire 'courtship' that has shown why in the world Mat would feel that way. All of the attempts at reaching out during the courtship are Mat's, while Tuon just smugly accepts it as her due. Because Attolia doesn't just accept Gen's love as her due, because she actually doesn't believe him and challenges him on it, we get to hear his justification of it and why he feels that way, and then we also get to see her reciprocation. The relationship is a two-way street in The Queen of Attolia.

14. Which ties into the fact that Jordan chose to make Tuon not just a slaver but an enthusiastic slaver who enjoys the slave-breaking process and that is an incredibly dark place to start a character but it could have worked if it had been the beginning of Tuon's character arc and we'd actually watched her change and grow from that position. And she had the narrative set up for it! In her very first chapter, the reader learns that Tuon has the ability to learn to channel! She was created with the narrative juice to have a compelling arc about accepting the truth about herself and her people. And then Jordan gave that arc to Bethamin instead, lol.

15. In both of these stories 'fate' does kinda serve up Gen/Mat to Attolia/Tuon on a silver platter, but the execution of the storylines makes the reveal that fate was acting to push the two of them together so much more effective in The Queen of Attolia. Choice is a much larger consideration in Attolia and Gen's relationship than it is in Mat and Tuon's. There are elements of the higher powers of the world at work in both relationships, but Attolia and Gen have to put in the work themselves and have to face hard emotional truths in order to get us to the satisfying ending. I get the impression that Tuon wouldn't know an emotional truth if it spit in her eye. We actively see both Gen and Attolia consider and reject the idea of solving their main problem (about the war) without needing to get married; we see them choose their marriage and each other.

With Mat and Tuon, this is a lot more muddled. Fate/the Pattern/the 'finn want them to marry each other but we never get any kind of payoff as to why, and this is primarily because of Jordan's other storylines imo. He should not have had Rand already willing to make peace with the Seanchan in his separate storyline. Convincing Rand to be willing should have been Mat's job (because that also would mean that Mat would need to make the arguments to convince the readers). Jordan showing at the end of KoD that Rand is willing to make a deal with the Seanchan, even at the cost of giving in on the matter of slavery, basically completely voided any narrative reason for Mat and Tuon to get married, but without the satisfaction of seeing the two of them grow to a place where they would actively make that choice rather than being motivated by what they believe is necessary (due to prophecy).

There really were the bones of a potentially compelling story with Mat and Tuon, and I really do hope that the show (when we get there) is able to take those bones and turn it into a genuinely compelling story.

#the queen's thief #butterfly reads tqt #butterfly book club #wot book spoilers #a memory of light #wot #wheel of time #seanchan cw #wot meta #my wot meta #irene of attolia #eugenides #mat cauthon

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professional-yapper · 5 months

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Moron.

Aonung x Reader

(cus I kind of liked the enemies thing I had going with aonung in the Lo'ak piece)

Aonung is the biggest moron you know. You can say that with total confidence, and do. Often.

Sometimes to his face, sometimes to others, sometimes to the back of his head as he turns away, thinking he's won an argument. You revel in the way his ears flick back to catch what you shout at him, and the way his broad frame swings around to come after you again, which is usually your sign to take off running.

It's your normal. Yours and his.

He can always rely on you to bring him crashing back down to earth when he's done something noteworthy.

And you can always rely on him to attempt to beat the shit out of you at any given moment, with the slightest provocation.

It's not like you can't hold your own. Sure, you're not equal to him in build or height, but you're a pretty good fighter, if you do say so yourself.

And it's not like anyone stops you two from scrapping, anyway. His dad practically encourages it, says it's healthy. His mum just rolls her eyes with fond exasperation and looks in the other direction.

Yeah. It's been this way for as long as you can remember. Right from day one, his mum says. You were born within a week of each other, and used to have the most vile screaming competitions as babies. It's nice to see some things never change, you guess.

Until they do start changing.

You and Aonung can't stay angry little kids permanently at each others' throats forever. Well, you can't stay kids forever, anyway.

He's getting taller, broader, thick in the arm and in the head. He doesn't spend as much time with Tsireya anymore, something she laments about to you in private.

Ah, yes, that's another sore spot for Aonung. Tsireya adores you. Maybe it's just the allure of the older kid, though not by much. You're only a year or so apart, but you've always felt the age gap even if it wasn't much. She's always been Aonung's cute kid sister, left to wail at you to stop fighting from afar for always.

You've only grown closer to Tsireya as of late, bonding over boys and girls, and going for walks on the shore to see what the tide washes in.

And of course, talking about Aonung. Well, it's mostly you talking- well, complaining, while she sits with a weird look on her face. You guess it's because he is her brother after all, and he's nice to her.

He starts hanging out with some new guys, all equally as moronic as him. They feed off each others' stupidity like a bunch of little vampires.

Which, of course, has nothing to do with you. After all, you're finding new friends too. Guys, girls, people you've never spoken to before on account of being constantly at odds with Aonung, which, believe it or not, doesn't leave a hell of a lot of time for socialising.

But you're both growing up now, growing apart, growing more mature... Well, in most ways. You still come to blows, though less frequently by the day. You find yourself missing the familiarity of it, even if you hate him.

You find yourself chasing the high that came with fighting with him, the high of having blood coursing down your face and not knowing who's, the sting of a cut, the ache of limbs, and the throbbing of bruises left behind.

Yeah, as many friends as you're making, you're making a few enemies too. You're just naturally volatile, you explain, you can't help the fact that your first instinct was to shove the guy when he accidentally bumped into you. You still think it was on purpose, anyhow.

However, you'd expect your friends to be the ones pulling you off the unfortunate kids who have fallen victim to your temper and ache for the high that no longer comes so easily or so often.

But they're not.

That's the weird part, the part that annoys you.

It's always Aonung dragging you off. You don't even know how he's always there when you're getting into a fight. He's got new friends, a new group, new hobbies, new responsibilities as future chief and warrior, basically a whole new life that has nothing to do with you.

But, regardless, it is always him hauling you off, no matter when or where. You've come to expect it like you once expected his fist flying at your face. A heavy hand on the back of your neck, an arm around your waist, fingers locking around your tail. Plucking you off whoever you're fighting like you weigh nothing. Which doesn't help your temper.

At all.

Today is one of those times. You couldn't help it, you honestly couldn't. They shoved you first this time. A rarity, you'll admit, but it's all you need to get on your little high horse and plead that you were unfairly provoked.

You're rolling back and forth with them on the ground, their hand fisted in your hair, your legs locked around their waist, both of you hissing in each others' faces like cut hoses. You're dusty and sweaty and bruised and bleeding in at least half a dozen places, and this is the best you've felt in months.

You roll your tongue over your fangs, the taste of blood raw and blunt in your mouth, taking a brief respite as you manage to pin them down for more than half a second, your knee pressing cruelly into their arm. They squeal like a stuck ilu, grabbing at you with their free hand, nails dragging down your side. The stinging sensation is welcome.

What isn't welcome is the sudden intrusion into your rather bloody bliss. Hands hooking under your arms, lifting you clear like a misbehaving pet, and setting you down on your feet with a bump that sends ground shock rippling up your calves.

You stare defiantly into Aonung's cold face, planting your hands on your hips, blood trickling down your forehead and beading on your lashes, but you don't blink it away. You take in a dusty, ragged breath, preparing to start shouting at him for always meddling in your shit, because, after all, he chose to push you out of his life and what you do as a result of that is none of his fucking business.

But you don't get a chance. He plants a hand on your shoulder and shoves you backward. Hard. "Walk," he says in a tight voice.

You do so unthinkingly, turning and marching off, only cursing yourself for your blind obedience a few steps later. But you didn't really feel like arguing with him after all. What was the point? He wouldn't fight you. He never fights you anymore. You miss that. You wonder if he'd even react if you punched him in his fat mouth right now beyond gazing at you with those cold eyes.

You hunch your shoulders and let your mouth thin into a line as you walk, heading away from the small crowd that had gathered to witness your outburst. You're shaking a little now.

"Here's fine," Aonung says from behind you, but you don't listen this time, planning to walk until you reach the water and can swim off, deep down into the cool dimness.

He grabs you by your tail, and you should've expected it, really, but you still whirl around, snarling, lips curled over your fangs, ears tilting back, hands outstretched to claw his Eywa-damned eyes out.

He catches you by the wrists and pulls you in, using your momentum to do so.

You stumble, smack your forehead on him and reel back, cursing him out, trying to touch your head, feel for any new injury, but he doesnt let you go.

"Stand still for once in your fucking life, you idiot. Listen to me," Aonung hisses, pulling you in once again while you're distracted. It's like a stupid game of tug o'war.

"I am listening," you fire back, still trying to free yourself, contemplating kicking him in the thigh or the stomach to pry yourself free. "See my ears? See how they're attached to my head? See-"

"Why can't you just grow up?!" he snapped, shaking you a little. "You're such a child!"

"And you're such a moron," you snap back, but you subside a little at the blunt admonishment. "Why can't you just stay out of my life?!"

"I'd be able to if you stopped fighting other people!" he hissed.

"I can fight who I want!"

"So why don't you want to fight me anymore?!"

Sudden, abrupt, overwhelming silence.

Aonung's ears flatten against his head and he releases you, stepping back. You'd say he looks like he's been slapped but you're an expert on what he looks like when he's been hit and that is not a face he makes. You don't know what face that is. Embarrassment? Confusion?

You're confused. And say so.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You don't want to fight me! You're too good for a little scrapping here and there all of a sudden, big guy?" you scoff, knowing you're severely understating the level of your fights but not caring enough to correct yourself.

"Well, I thought I did, but that was before-"

Aonung stops again.

You want to jump him. Hit him until he starts acting like himself again. "Before what, dickhead?! What happened that made you too good for me all of a sudden?! Because you're the future chief, a warrior in training, you can't even argue with me anymore? I mean, fuck, forget arguing, you won't even look at me! I don't know what I did and whatever it was, I-"

Oh boy. You've never been the type to cry when you get angry, but you're so frustrated and overwhelmed right now the tears are practically crying themselves. They well up, quivering on your lash line for a half-second, forcing you to look at him with blurry vision, then roll down your cheeks despite your best efforts to wipe them away.

"I-" you try to continue, hiccuping now. "I wish I hadn't, because I just want things to be normal again, I want things to go back to the way they were-" Words escape you and you settle for crying with frustration and rage, looking at him as he still says nothing.

"They can't, okay?" he snaps. "They can't fucking go back! Get that through your head! We can't fight like we used to! It's not the same, I can't fight you and hate you and argue like I used to when-"

"Don't you dare fucking clam up on me again, you bitch," you hiccup, pointing at him, scrubbing away your tears with your other hand. "I have a right to fucking know why I can't fight you, and I can't fight other people, and-"

"I can't keep hurting you when all I can fucking think about is kissing you!" he hisses, hands forming fists at his sides, tail lashing behind him. "And I can't keep letting you get hurt either!"

You still, your feeble attempt to hide your tears forgotten, staring at him like he's grown two heads. Something in your chest twists savagely as you absorb his words silently.

"Don't look at me like that, like I'm some kind of monster for loving you. Yell at me, try to hit me, cuss me out, anything. Just don't look at me like that," he says, voice hitching and beginning to tremble as he speaks.

"What am I supposed to do with that love?" you ask quietly. "Don't say return it. I don't know if I can. Or if I want to. I mean, maybe I do want to but that's mostly just stemming from the fact that you haven't spoken to me in months or even come near me except from stopping me from fighting people, and I don't think it's fair of you at all to-"

"No, I know it's not," he said a little brokenly, and you hated that, maybe even more than you hated him. "I know it's not fair, just... please. Tell me you feel nothing for me, that us being practically attached at the hip since we were kids means nothing to you, that you don't even hate me, you just don't care about me."

You hated seeing him like this. You'd never seen this side of him and you never wanted to see it again. You could tell him that maybe it wasn't hatred and if it was hatred in the beginning it had evolved to a sort of messed up attachment, and if you dug long enough you'd probably find some kind of affection for him in your angry little heart. That might make him stop looking at you that way.

You just wanted him to stop looking like that, so sad and fucking pathetic. It made that same something that had twisted in your chest before twist again, but in a more painful way.

"I don't know if I do like you back," you say slowly. His shoulders slump and he raises his hands to his face, presumably to hide his expression.

You're not finished.

You step forward and take his hands, curling your fingers around them, pressing into his palms, more gentle than you've ever dared be with him. You lower them, looking into his face steadily. "But I think I could learn to. And I want to learn."

He lets out a ragged breath, expression now totally raw and hopeful, which was honestly the opposite of what you were hoping to achieve, which was sober him up out of this sad-sack thing he was in. But you think you can live with it.

"Okay," he breathes, gripping onto your hands. "A chance is all I need, I promise."

You nod and continue looking at him. Probably the longest you've really looked at him without swinging or didn't have your hands around his throat.

The silence drags on, and you're considering what to do or say next when he speaks again, shifting one of his hands from yours to touch your face. Your hand that he just released flies to his wrist, but you stop, relenting, allowing it when you realise he's just, very gently and carefully, unsticking wisps of your hair from the dried blood on your face and tucking it behind your ear. "I want to kiss you," he said bluntly. "Can I?"

You don't know if you'll like it but you figure it can't hurt to try, so you just nod, letting him cradle your jaw in his hand, still holding your other hand tightly, and let him kiss you like you're fragile, something far more delicate than you are.

It's not as bad as you thought. In fact, you like it. Probably more than you should.

Then you don't think much anymore, too distracted by his warm mouth on yours and how he tastes of sea salt.

(challenge to myself to write a reader who isn't a little freak next time)

#aonung #aonung x reader #aonung avatar #atwow #avatar #avatar fanfiction #avatar x reader #avatar 2 #tsireya

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ghenry · 2 months

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Rewatched the Avatar TLA series with my partner recently, and fell in love with the world and characters all over again. I especially love the journey Zuko goes through the show as a character.

Zuko, son of Fire Lord Ozai. He seems pretty by-the-books at first as this angry villain, but something that makes him immediately unique for this kind of setting is his young age. He's barely older than Aang, our child protagonist.

"You're just a child." "Well, you're just a teenager!"

Although early on you start getting the idea that there's more nuance to him than this villain trying to incapacitate our protag, he shows some depth in his character here and there, usually through his uncle Iroh, a wise warrior that's there to aid and comfort his nephew, joining his banished trip on his own accord. While he's on the villain's side, it's worth noting he never hurts or intimidates innocent people, only ever fighting those already attacking or threatening him.

Even so, Zuko made it blatantly clear what his intents were. "I must capture the avatar to regain my honor." And he barely changed his mind about this throughout the entire first season, even when the two helped each-other out of hopeless circumstances, hinting that they're not meant to be sworn enemies.

"If we knew each-other back then, do you think we could've been friends too?"

Knowing the show and how it transpires across all 3 seasons, it's interesting seeing the intent the writers and showrunners had for these characters, and their hidden depth, all the way back in this first season. One of the finest examples would be Iroh sharing Zuko's history with fellow soldiers. A history which helps said soldiers --and in turn, the audience-- empathize with him.

Behind Zuko's scarred face is a story about a boy already feeling lost and unsure of himself, stumbling into a tragedy where his father --in sheer arrogance-- abused his son to a high degree in front of all his subordinates, in a heinous act he would call punishment.

Ever since then, he was banished to travel across the world to search for the avatar, a task his father felt was worthless, but was the same as leaving him out to die. This isn't the origin of a villain, but a downtrodden individual who couldn't find his place in life.

What Zuko called "honor" over and over again wasn't that, but his father's love. He already lost his mother, and instead yearned for his father's approval and affection. This culminated to his ultimate betrayal, siding with his sister and turning his back on his uncle, which lead to his imprisonment. During a crossroad and moment of insecurity, he threw his uncle Iroh to the wolves because he thought he would regain his honor and earn his right to be a part of his family once again.

Zuko would be welcomed back into his family, he retrieved what he thought was his honor --and what he thought was genuine love from his father.

"You have redeemed yourself, my son."

But even then, he still felt lost, alone, and without a sense of direction. Nothing changed, his soul still felt incomplete.

"For so long, I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. My dad talks to me, he even thinks I'm a hero! Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now, but I'm not! I'm angrier than ever, and I don't know why!"

It took him a long time (about 2 and a half seasons) to realize he didn't need this sense of "honor" and what he was chasing was just a farce. His father only showed Zuko "love" when he seemed useful, an asset that was helping his fascist conquering of multiple nations by killing the Avatar.

All of this drew to an enthralling, terrifying, heart-wrenching moment between him and his father during the day of the eclipse. He used the minutes they could not fire bend as an opportunity to let out the truth and his own epiphany. He admitted that he never killed Aang --didn't even try, for that matter-- and that he's going to help him defeat his father's regime. Ozai immediately despised Zuko for this, proving his 'love' was conditional and hollow. And at that moment, as soon as the eclipse ceased, he attempted to kill his own son right then and there in a moment that never fails to draw tears out of me as soon as it happens.

Zuko survived his father's lethal attack, only by sheer will, and a lighting-redirection technique his uncle happened to teach him a while back, emphasizing how important Iroh is to him. Iroh is the father figure that truly loved Zuko unconditionally. Ozai, his biological father, could only grant him death. His uncle Iroh, at that moment, inadvertently granted him life.

And Zuko's story (mostly) ends in the middle of the 4-part finale. With the help of his friends, he tracked down Iroh who escaped from prison. The moment he sees his uncle, he breaks down as he's horribly ashamed of his actions, expecting Iroh to shun him as he feels he does not deserve his uncle's love after what he did to him.

"I was never angry with you . . . I was sad, because I was afraid you lost your way."

But Iroh doesn't hesitate to embrace him. Like I said, his love is unconditional. He knew Zuko wasn't evil, he was only being manipulated by the likes of his father and sister. He knew Zuko would find the right path, restore his own honor, and come back to him. It's such a beautiful moment and the soul-piercing conclusion to Zuko's story, a story they were building up since the literal first episode.

Of course, there's also Azula, his sister. She was considered a prodigy with her amazing fire bending abilities, mastering the skill of bending lightning, something only her father and uncle were able to do before her.

She was a spitting image of her father; fierce, manipulative, wrathful, the only thing she shared with her brother Zuko was their sense of determination. But we don't learn what really drives Azula until the finale. It's similar to Zuko. He felt incomplete without his father's love. While this was implied before the finale, Azula felt she was missing her mother's love.

While I think the argument could be made that this was just her own projection, it's important that this shows how --despite her more respected place in their family and nation-- she was just as broken and spiritually lost as Zuko. While Ozai showered his daughter with praise for all of her life, Azula felt her mother didn't love her, which ate away at her, deep inside. Much like Zuko, who felt he was fighting to earn his father's love.

Azula, to me, represents Zuko's future if he let his father manipulate him, just like Azula did to him. Would he have become this tyrannical fire lord if he just listened to his father, abandoned his inhibitions, and ensured his nation's regime? Maybe. But like Azula's interrupted crowning, it would have been shallow, lonely, and without any real sense of self-worth. Nothing to show for it but a broken mind.

Instead, Zuko became the fire lord on his own terms, and with the entire world in support of him, as he helped this quest for peace and balance across the nations. He earned his place in life through his own will, his own actions, and his amazing uncle who only wanted the best for him. He restored his honor himself, with lifelong friends by his side.

That's it, that's all I wanted to write about. This show rules.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #zuko #prince zuko #azula #uncle iroh #fire lord zuko

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crusadingcookie · 1 year

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Hey i was wondering if maybe u can do a fic where reader is part of taskforce 141 and most of the time is super focused on the mission and her orders but seems out it it bc its her daughter bday or sum ,and they find out she used to have a family (husband,children the while shabang) but they were murdered or died in a terrorist attack. I just want something really angsty 😭💀

spring daffodils

Also on AO3!

Pairing: TF141 & fem!Reader, mentioned Reader x unnamed!Husband

Summary: It’s been years since the tragic death of your husband and daughter at the hands of an enemy target you were tracking at the time. On the day of what would have been your daughter’s birthday, something in a mission causes you to break down in front of the rest of the task force. Or: 3k words of the reader crying and Task Force 141 comforting her

Word Count: 3k

Content Warnings: fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, crying, brief argument with Ghost at the beginning but nothing too bad, Reader was married and had a child, mentions of death (including death of a child), brief mention of blood, Reader has the codename “Tigress”, this is all strictly platonic, Tigress has that widow trauma so no time for romance, no beta we die like Tigress' family, it's for the angst plot guys I swear

A/N: Thank you for the request, I’m sorry this is kinda late but I hope you enjoy it! The ending is a bit meh but I already felt bad with how late this is. I tried to make this as angsty as possible but with some comfort and a bit of fluff at the end.

It was spring when you first met him. You were back home after a long, tiring time of non-stop tours and missions. You decided to take a small break of a couple of months before specialising further in your military career. A new café had opened near your home and you often found yourself there, spending the afternoon in the cosy shop. It was where you first met him. You had just picked up your cup of coffee when something bumped into you from behind, causing your coffee to spill all over the front of your shirt. You turned around, ready to have a word with whoever knocked into you when you were met with a ramble of apologies and promises to buy you a new coffee. Soon you found yourself sitting with the man in a private corner of the café, a hot cup of coffee in front of you and a promise of a new shirt to replace the coffee-stained one. One date quickly turned into two, the both of you enraptured with each other. And after a few years, a golden ring adorned your finger. After a year or so of the two of you being married, your daughter was born. A little human being who brought joy and innocence to your life, who did not know of the true horrors her mum faced to keep people like her safe.

=====

And it was spring when they died. The trees were starting to bud and the flowers were starting to bloom again. The sky was finally clear after months of grey clouds and cold winds. Mother Earth was once again encouraging and welcoming new life when their light was snuffed out. A bitter irony.

The family of crows which lived in your back garden sat in the branches of the tree overlooking your driveway. Watching as you made your way across the driveway and to the front door, observing like a bad omen. Only for you to discover the bodies of your husband and daughter. Shot dead in the very living room of your own home. It was like a silly game of Cluedo, whodunnit and with what? Except this wasn’t a silly game of Cluedo. You knew exactly who had ordered this to be done.

Their deaths were because of your line of work. A tragic event born from a multitude of failures. The target you were chasing at the time with your old squad had sent out the hit on your family. In a last-ditch attempt to attack your squad in some way. And if he couldn’t get to your squad directly, then he would hurt them indirectly. And that he did. Somehow it got out that you had a family, it shouldn’t have. Someone back at base fucked up because that information should have been strictly secret to prevent these types of situations in the first palace. It should have been redacted behind a big block of black ink on your file. But in the end, your target was the one with the last laugh whilst you were forced to deal with the sight of your husband and daughter murdered in your own home.

Since that day you have thrown yourself into your work. Sinking in an endless ocean of mission after mission, wanting to give up and stop swimming and yet just as the last breath of air leaves your lungs you find yourself breaking the surface yet again. A never-ending cycle of peace until the storm of grief strikes anew.

Without anyone left back home, it was easy to dedicate everything to the military and a few years later you found yourself recruited by no other than Captain John Price himself. This new task force, the 141, was the closest thing to family you had experienced in a long time. And yet, you still couldn’t find it in yourself to tell the boys about them. About your husband and your little girl. A part of you reasoned that there was no need for them to know, what was the point when their fate has already been engraved in stone and nothing can change the outcome of what happened. Or maybe you were just too much of a coward to confront what happened that day.

What you couldn’t ignore was the current date. Its significance is seared into your mind, a constant reminder of what could have been. Of what you have lost. And of course, the task force was assigned a mission on this day of all days. At first, the mission you and the rest of the task force were on was going well. You always prided yourself in being professional and focused when it came to missions. You knew the seriousness of the situation and followed orders given to you.

And then it all went to shit. You were already feeling off the moment you woke up. Not even looking at the small desk calendar to remind yourself of the date. As if you haven’t been counting down the days. Like clockwork, waiting for the guilt and grief to wash over you until the tsunami passed and you waited until another 365 days passed to repeat the process.

You and your team had cleared the abandoned village the enemy had set up base in. You were ordered to search and clear one of the buildings in case there were any enemies in hiding. As you methodically made your way through the house you came across what clearly used to be a child’s room. Toys were strewn about, but what caused you to pause was the sight of a teddy bear dropped at the foot of the bed. Intel had informed you that the village was forced to flee as the enemy forces occupied the area, some resisting and resulting in civilian deaths. Your eyes zeroed in on the blood splatter on one of the teddy’s ears, the fake fur matted with the dried liquid.

“Mum, can I get that teddy pretty pleaasee?”

“Alright sweetie, but only this one okay?”

“Yay thank you! I will name you… hmmm… Sir Stripes!”

You honestly did not remember much after that. The rest of the village was deemed clear and soon you were on the flight back to base. You fought to keep yourself together just for a few more hours until you were back on base and could grieve alone within the confines of your own four walls. Your team watched with concern as you sat, back straight and staring ahead at the hull of the plane.

A hand on your shoulder jolted you out of your memories. You recognised the face of the pilot and it took you embarrassingly long to realise the rest of the team had already disembarked the plane. You mumbled what you hoped was an intelligible apology and made your way over to the locker room. Thankfully the room was empty, you loved your teammates that was without question. But right now, you didn’t think you could make it much longer until you broke down. With practised ease, you stripped yourself of your gear and it seemed you were lucky enough that no one came to find out why you were taking so long. You should have known by now that luck typically doesn’t go your way. Just as you put away the last of your gear a voice from the doorway interrupted you.

“Care to explain what’s up with you today?” With a deep breath, you turned and faced Ghost. Your lieutenant was standing in the doorway of the armoury, already out of his field gear, although he looked just as intimidating in his normal attire.

“I don’t know what you mean, the mission was a success.” You said, attempting to feign ignorance. Of course, Ghost saw through that.

“You were out of it” Ghost replied, his eyes piercing into yours, his sharp gaze never leaving you.

You stayed silent, hoping that he would drop it and let you go so that you could inevitably cry in peace. The two of you stood in silence, staring at each other until Ghost crossed his arms over his chest, looking even more imposing in the doorway.

“Don’t bullshit me Tigress. You were clearly out of it, hell even Soap noticed and you know it takes him long to figure this kind of shit out.”

“The mission was a success, so I don’t see why this is an issue.” You huffed, starting to get irritated at the man’s persistent probing. Any other day you would be happy to know that the infamous Ghost cared. But right now? Right now you just wanted to be left alone. You just wanted to stew in your grief, let the dark thoughts remind you of what happened. You had to keep the walls up. They can’t know how fucked up your life was. How you failed to protect them. You don’t deserve their comfort.

Ghost shifted at the slight tone in your voice. If it wasn’t clear before that something was bothering you, now it definitely was. “It becomes an issue when one of my soldiers is not thinking clearly in enemy territory.”

“Look, Lieutenant, it's getting late, we’re all tired. This won’t happen again.” You sighed, exasperated by both the exhaustion from the mission and the emotional toll it took on you.

You pushed past the man and made your way to the task force’s shared kitchen area. Hoping to get a fresh glass of water and some snacks before your inevitable break down. Of course Ghost, the stubborn man that he is, followed you. He wasn’t done with this situation and in his own way wanted to make sure you were okay so that you wouldn’t be distracted in future missions. You ignored the rest of your team sitting in the room and beelined straight for the kitchen cupboard, taking out an empty glass.

“This isn’t a joke Tigress. One mistake and it can cost you your life out there”

“I know that!” You exclaimed in response to Ghost’s voice, not turning around to face the man who had followed you to the common area.

“Do you? Do you know that? Because today, out there it seemed like one of my soldiers was ready to put her life in danger because she wasn’t aware!”

Ghost waits for an answer but when he gets none he continued, “I can’t have you out there acting as if there is nothing for you to go back to back home”

“Well, there is nothing back home!” You yelled out, setting the glass not so gently on the counter. Immediately you closed your eyes in regret of your outburst.

Ghost faltered for a second, the rest of the team watching you with your back turned to them

You faced the wall, feeling the sting grow stronger in your eyes. You tilted your face up towards the ceiling, hoping it would stave off the tears. The muscles in your jaw tensed as you clenched them in an attempt to keep your composure.

“Tigress?”

You took a deep breath and turned to face your team. They watched as you faced them, your lip quivering as you fought to contain the sobs building in your throat, eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill down your cheeks at any second. You rapidly blinked your eyes at the moisture building up in them.

“I’m gonna go to sleep,” you said with a shaky voice.

“Hey, don’t pull away from us, please. Tell us what’s wrong” Gaz was the first one to break the silence, he got up and moved to stand in front of you. “Are you alright?” he asked, stretching his arms out towards you in a silent offering.

At the sound of his gentle voice the walls you so desperately built to shield your own heart broke. And with them your last composure. You sniffled a few times, inhaling the air up through your nose as your face twisted with both the emotional pain and the effort of not breaking down. You shook your head softly at him, words failing you at this moment due to the lump in your throat and the tight coil wrapped in your chest. You practically dove into Gaz’s outstretched arms, allowing yourself for the first time in years to have this comfort. His arms came down to wrap around you and in the safety of his embrace, the first sob escaped from where you tried to bury it down. The tears quickly followed and found their way down your cheeks.

The two of you stood there for what felt like hours, Gaz gently rocking you from side to side. Years of built-up grief and anguish finally escaped from where you had buried those feelings deep within your heart, bubbling up into a series of broken sounds escaping your lips. After a few minutes, your sobs calmed down to a few quiet hiccups and sniffles. Another arm joined to draw comforting circles on your back, you tilted your head from where it was resting against Gaz’s chest to see Soap standing next to you. A warm smile on the Scotman’s face.

“I- um…” you trailed off, your words interrupted by yet another sniffle.

“Take your time lass,” answered Soap

You sent him a watery smile and pulled your sleeves over your hands to wipe at your eyes as well as your running nose. You coughed to clear the croakiness in your voice and took a deep breath in an effort to calm down.

“I had a husband years ago. We were married and even had a little girl together. This was before I joined the task force and everything,” you paused to accept a tissue from Price, you blew out your nose before continuing. “And well, they were both killed because of my involvement in a case. The target we were tracking sent out the hit.”

“Kid, I had no idea.” Price said, taking your used tissue from your hand and replacing it with a clean one. He may deny that he is the dad of the team, but all of you knew he cared for every single one of you.

“I didn’t want any of you to know. I tried putting that shit behind me. Didn’t want to talk about it, so I left it out of my file.” You explained and with a weak laugh you continue, “she would have been eight today. Her dad would always buy her those supermarket cakes, and if I wasn’t home she would insist I get one as well so that I could eat some cake too.”

All of your teammates’ hearts ached seeing how much pain you carried, how long you probably suffered and grieved for their losses without having anyone to comfort you. Never before had they seen you with this much pain in your voice, you were always the one who got the job done on missions. Who seemed like they had their life together and returned on leave to a happy home life.

You looked up after dabbing at your eyes with the tissue to see Price standing in front of you. You didn’t think you had any tears left in you but at the sight of your Captain, the unofficial dad of the team, with his arms out wide offering you a hug and a soft look in his eyes you felt the tears well up once again.

You accepted Price’s hug and you felt the distinct lump in the back of your throat build up again and as much as you tried to will it away, it persisted and soon more sobs were forced from you. The smell of cigars and smoke enveloped you in the warmth of his embrace. Price only pulled you closer to his chest at the sound of your sobs, allowing you to fully bury your face into his shirt, no doubt wetting the fabric with your tears.

Soon Gaz joined you two, tears of his own in his eyes. Price reached up with one of his arms and pulled the younger man in. Soap followed shortly after and finally, you felt gentle yet firm arms enveloping all of you. You looked up to see Ghost, a rare soft look in his eyes and a silent apology for having pushed you for answers earlier.

You felt safe here in the big, warm group hug of your teammates and slowly your sobs dwindled until they completely died down.

“I have some pictures I can show you guys,” you disentangled yourself from the group hug to move to one of the couches and took out your phone, scrolling past pictures of the task force members as well as pictures of your old team. You finally found your favourite picture, it shows your husband and daughter together, a tiger plushie clutched in your daughter’s hands. Your team gathered around as you showed them the picture.

“Wait, is that why?” Soap began to ask and you nodded.

“They were her favourite animal. And when she found out about codenames, she practically insisted on that being my codename”

“So like a secret spy!”

“Yes sweetie, it’s a secret spy name”

“Can you choose your own?”

“We can, or it’s a nickname given to us by our friends”

“Ooo how about Tiger? No! Tigress!”

“That’s an amazing idea, honey”

You took a moment to stare at the picture, smiling at how happy they both looked in it. Your hand which held the crumpled tissue reached up to lightly dab at the tears welling up in your eyes again. You accepted another tissue from Ghost this time, where he got them from you had no idea but you were grateful for it anyways.

The rest of the evening was spent with all of you sharing various stories from over the years. Tucked in between your teammates, tired from the emotional day, you felt a sense of home. Something which you hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

#female reader #cod mw2 x reader #reader insert #simon ghost riley x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #john price x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #cod x reader #taskforce 141 x reader #141 x reader #angst #fluff #taskforce 141 #cod ghost #cod soap #let me know if there are any mistakes #thank you and i hope you enjoy

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sapphia · 1 year

Text

after four seasons, this alliances/friendship web is getting really complicated.

the mean gills:

internally are two friends from previous smps with similar gamestyles who are both very loyal to their teammates

have a strong alliance with the clockers because cleo is in charge of them and cleo and scott were soulmates by choice in the third season.

have no official alliance with the bad boys and have periods of hostility, but this is complicated by the fact that scott and jimmy were "married" in the first season and scott's been chasing jimmy ever since (hence why scott gives jimmy a life), and also by the fact that joel loves hunting scott no matter the series for some reason.

have no alliance with the ties but scott is on good terms with several of them due to being generally pleasant, while martyn is on bad terms with several of them due to being generally sneaky and also killing a few of them

had an alliance with the nosy neighbours that was blown up seemingly randomly when pearl stole their enchanting table, but pearl and scott had been partners in season 2 and then scott had refused to partner with her in season 3 when they were soulmates (martin had also abandoned her rather than teaming up).

the bad boys

internally, they are three very good friends who've known each other for a long time and have a very established dynamic. you would think this makes them a stronger team but unfortunately this makes them very themselves around each other - jimmy becomes very pathetic, joel becomes very reckless, and grian sets about creating as much discord and drama as humanly possible, including trying to start several unsuccessful coups within the group itself for seemingly little reason

have an alliance with (and are "cousins" to) the clockers, with the only previous link between the groups being grian and scar, who were partners in season 1 and soulmate partners in season 3. they work well together in a team and both like to create chaos, but grian seems to resent being "tied to" scar across the seasons (he was protecting scar because he killed him in season 1 and unwillingly soul-bound in season 3, when he 'cheated' on scar). so even though they have a lot of interaction and seem to get on most of the time, grian would rather go out of his way to avoid teaming with scar or working with him too much

have been technically enemies this season with the nosy neighbours because jimmy decided to go apeshit over a frog, but joel and grian didn't actually care about this feud. grian also was previously bigb's "secret soulmate" in season 3/double life, but given the intense partnerships, this didn't actually amount to them spending any time together and grian has largely ignored him this season until randomly forming an alliance with him after the rest of the bad boys died

ties

internally they are old friends who've worked together in varying capacities for a number of years and have been in alliances and teams with each other before. because they've mostly worked with each other rather than with a lot of other people on the server, they don't have strong alliances outside of the group but are very cohesive internally and work together well (barring etho, who is a conundrum)

are enemies with the clockers except for etho, who is the clocker's dad in their roleplay set-up although he is now currently at war with scar and cleo. this seems totally nonsensical at first, but etho and bdubs have what is best described as a "thing" where they seem to always need to be allied with each other even when it doesn't really make sense. like for example in season 3 when they had different soulmates, and in this season where etho has spent multiple episodes roleplaying families with a team where all the members other than bdubz are actively trying to kill him on sight

some of the team have teamed up with some of bad boys before in large groups, and joel/etho and tango/jimmy were soulmates in double life but with minimal effect on this season's dynamics

some of the team have previously allied/teamed with bigb

clockers

are team members all from the hermitcraft server where they've known each other for a while. cleo and bdubs have been teammates before.

are controlled by cleo who is in charge, so largely her previous relationships are their previous relationships - they have animosity with the nosey neighbours because bigb betrayed her in season 2 and animosity with pearl because of the tension in the divorce arc from double life when cleo teamed up with her soulmate.

cleo and etho have always had a strange relationship. cleo and etho are both... intimidating, though for different reasons. over the entirety of the life smp, cleo has always held that etho was overrated skill-wise (perhaps correctly) as a danger on the life SMP, and seemingly in response etho treated cleo as though she scared him, which might have been to make it seem to others like cleo didn't rate him because she was good rather than because he was bad. this largely worked for three seasons: however, this house of cards seems to finally have come tumbling down in limited life, where etho being washed up has become a server-wide joke.

and that's what you missed on glee...

#limited life #limited life smp #third life smp #life smp #grian #zombiecleo #jimmy solidarity #ethoslab #bdouble0 #goodtimeswithscar #pearlescentmoon #bigbstatz

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newkatzkafe2023 · 5 months

Note

@lara-legomonkiekid

What if Y/N was like Jax from tadc!

(Lmk Wukong) Wukong thought that he was the king of pranks That was untill he met you. Your a rather Unusual looking rabbit demon. You're smiling constantly and you at wearing pink overalls. Not to mention it seems you are have very full curves. Look relatively harmless until Showed everyone that you're not. He was the main target of your pranks. Whether it be the candy apple that was actually an onion trick or the cookies filled with toothpaste, He was not pleased with what you do. And the final straw was that you once put a family of spiders in mk's bed. Then he went to confront you and before he could scold you. For your actions, you were like it's about time You came to see me. I was wondering win the king was gonna give little me some attention. Ok now Wukong is perplexed You mean to tell him that the reason you are doing? All this is because you want his attention. You couldn't just went up and talked to him. You finally responded with well. Where's the fun in that. This is the beginning of a rather interesting relationship.

(NR Wukong) Okay would you believe me if I said this all started with a bowling ball. You were over hear dropping balling balls on random demons and unfortunately that ended up being him. You quickly saw that that was the monkey king himself and boy did you run Like your life depended on it. The next day this dude somehow found you, He demanded to know why you hit him with a bowling ball effort. She was trying gonna play dumb to it. But it looks like he means business so you just told them that He wasn't your target. The exchange gets heated and he finally says that I hope You know that this means war. Oh he came to challenge you to a prank war Game on hot old man monkey.

(MK Reborn Wukong) You are the bain of this monkey's existence. This rabbit demon has been messing with him and his group for weeks. Fun fact you once Wrote the word nerd On master tang forehead. You put spicy peppers in pigsy's soup and feed a lemon to fruity. Yeah you are freaking menace and your relationship was a lot like tom and jerry. This man was always yelling and trying to fight you. But you would always quickly escape with your infinite stamina. This goes on for far too long to the point where master Tang decided, To just bring you along the journey to enlightenment and You told him that the only reason you're accepting is because of the hot Angry monkey who always tried to chase you. The look on his face was priceless

(HIB Wukong) You make this man so tired you are just to full of energy for him. And he tends to brush off your pranks. As little inconveniences which annoys you alot. You guys me On his travels to Hun Dun. You of course was flirting with him a little bit before offering your hand To introduce yourself with he did want to shake it he got shocked. You explained to him that you picked up static before making contact with him. He already knows that this is going to be a long day

(Netflix Wukong) Oh how you have made the world's most hilarious enemy. This guy would engage with a prank war with you with no problem. Weeks of onslaught pranks on each other, while sometimes getting people caught in the crossfire was quite thrilling. You guys decided to take a break and actually Talk to each other and found that. You guys have a lot more in common than you think. Not to mention he's quite cute to you. I guess you can always see what this adventure would take you two.

Feel Free to Reblog😇👍

#monkey king netflix #monkey king reborn #monkey king x reader #lmk monkey king #nezha reborn #x female y/n #monkey king hero is back #the amazing digital circus #tadc jax

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gaydragontournament · 4 months

Text

ROUND 1: PART 1

Propaganda under cut

Qibli

● Qibli is queer, due to the fact that he has a crush on a female dragon, Moonwatcher, and eventually becomes her Boyfriend, while also thinking that a male dragon, Winter, is “handsome” and looks “gorgeous”, even joking about marrying Winter one day within his own book. The author, Tui., also stated that the love triangle between Qibli, Moonwatcher, and Winter could go either way, implying that Qibli is Queer and/or could possibly be Bi, Pan, Poly, or Omni.

Dan Heng/Dan Feng

● (Former)High Elder of a race of Dragon people. Closely associated with another man, sharing a pair of telepathic bracers with him, commiting a grave sin with his help, dreaming of him, being described as once being closest to him, destined for reunion with him, and both having inverted colour palettes. The original Chinese text has a 'typo' that hasn't been fixed implying they were engaged, and mentions Dan Feng fantasising about this other man sweating mid battle. Theres also something about them doing stuff in a boat I think. Dan Heng only has faint memories of their past, but seems to care for these memories, even going so far as to pull the classic 'what did you do to him' after finding he was hurt. Another character claims he stares longingly at the spear made for him by this man. Even if their relationship went to complete hell the game is pretty clear about them being important to each other.

Also the CPR scene at the start of the game., wherein Dan Heng attempts to give the player chatacter CPR incorrectly. I guess he heard kiss of life and didn't question it? He also has a Fan Club and many men find him beautiful.

●About how he's a dragon:

Imbibitor Lunae is the title used by the Vidyadhara High Elder, successor of the Azure Dragon (Vidyadhara are long-life humanoid species with draconic features)

About why he's gay/gay-coded:

In his past life as Dan Feng he would often drink together with Yingxing (now known as Blade) under the moon and they even shared a pair of matching bracers made from flowing coral gold and the leather of unknown beasts. The bracers are told to share a telepathic connection and be able to feel each other's warmth. The two have also been depicted (in official artworks) wearing these bracers many times along with a matching pair of red earrings on opposite ears and matching teal jade clasps that have been said in game texts to be given between lovers to find in their next lives.

Currently, the two are enemies. Blade used to chase Dan Heng across spaceships and annihilate each one he boards on, and each time they fought Dan Heng would stab Blade with the Cloud Piercer to kill him knowing he cannot die.

Even though Dan Heng wants nothing to do with his past self (Dan Feng), he still carries items that are associated with Blade (Yingxing) on him, such as the bracer, Cloud Piercer (the weapon Blade made for him), and his jade pendant.

#gaydragontournament #ask #polls #tournament poll #dragons #dragon #qibli wof #qibli wings of fire #wings of fire #dan heng #dan feng #imbibitor lunae #hsr dan heng #hsr dan feng #honkai star rail #hsr imbibitor lunae

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onyxsboxes · 3 months

Text

What do we think of an werewolf AU?

(I read a post about this a few days ago I think and here's my opinion).

A small percentage of the population can turn into an animal on full-moon nights, in the form of a bird, canine, feline, fish, invertebrate or insect…

Bucky is a werewolf, because he's completely canine-coded Very sociable and extrovert, he gets along with most people, but at the same time is slow to really trust them. He comes from a large canine family (one sister, but many aunts, uncles and cousins). Not all of them are werewolves, but they form a large community. They may argue, they may fight, but at the end of the day, they're a pack.

Buck as a were-lynx. He's more reserved and introverted. It takes him a while to trust people, but once they've earned his trust, it's long-lasting. It's just him and his father (a human whose parents were werecats). Were-lynx are solitary, so there's no family on his mother's side, and his father has cut off all ties with his family (because he has a grudge against being the only male human in the family?). Gale's father is envious of him (Gale is a were-cat unlike him) and resentful (his wife died at birth or left him with a were-cat). He started drinking, and things got worse for Buck.

When Bucky and Buck first met, it was a bureaucratic error. They shouldn't have been in the same unit in the first place. The army tends to wait until after basic training (where they learn to better control themselves in the presence of other species) before mixing canines and felines were, especially in the case of aircrew. Fighting like cats and dogs is not just an expression, and wolves and lynxes tend to be natural enemies. It's a very bad thing to have when you're stuck with two of them in a little flying box high in the sky. To the surprise of anyone who knows what they are, they soon got along just fine. Actually, it's more like Bucky clicked with Gale and Gale didn't say anything at first (but potato tomato).

Were-peoples tend to be stronger, have better reflexes and greater stamina than humans. That's why, when training, they challenge each other while developing their relationship. Because of their youth, they have a great degree of control over their animal form, and can shift outside of full-moon nights. Bucky because of his pack and Gale because the wild life was safer than a drunken father.

After the other 100th boys discovered their other sides, it wasn't uncommon to see them sleeping in their animal forms or chasing each other. Curt nearly had a heart attack the first time he saw Gale studying outside with a huge black and brown wolf on his lap.

And they use the werewolf excuse to get all cuddly with each other. (Demarco, who is also a werewolf, knows it's not just that, but he doesn't say anything).

Plus Crosby as a werebird.Ssince he's in human form when he flies, he gets airsick.

#clegan #buck cleven #bucky egan #werewolf au #clegan au #mota #masters of the air

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unbreakable-oaths · 1 month

Note

champion - for the single-word fic prompt!

Thank you! Mostly because this got me out of my writing funk I've been sitting in for the past month.

Can also be read on ao3 here

Of Champions and Tragedies

Ysayle kissed her like her lips held an inescapable sin. Her white knight, her little dragon, with mother’s gift and taken in and turned champion by her enemies before she could find her. Turned into a weapon. Godslayer. Now a temptation she couldn’t quite resist even if it led to her death. (It did lead to her death, but not the way she anticipated.)

Cyella kissed her like she could find absolution in her lips. A century of answered prayers sent to reveal the truth hidden beneath a veil of light. An angel of death sent to extract retribution and instead choosing forgiveness. And, if she kept chasing those lips, she might even find it.

Khutulun the blacksmith claimed she was no such profound or holy thing. She was just a woman at the wrong place at the wrong time (the right place at the right time) who, after all that had transpired, would never be able to go home again. Champions had a cause, she maintained, a higher sense of purpose. All she had was a desire to test her mettle against what the world had to offer and escape the expectations shackled to her name, and maybe get to kiss a pretty girl or two if she was lucky.

“Is that not, little dragon,” Ysayle had said to her so long ago during a quiet night on their pilgrimage to Hraesvelgr, “how all champions start?”

“Your actions, my dear,” Cyella said to her now, during a quiet night in the Crystarium, “speak otherwise. Far louder than any of your protestations.”

And then they kissed her again.

“Champions,” Khutulun pointed out to each of them, when she could speak again, “are far better people than I. I am bloodthirsty, full of rage. When my shield broke, people died. Instead of reforging it stronger, I forged it into a weapon so it could never fail me again.”

“Little knight,” Ysayle chided, “you forget you’re speaking to a heretic.”

“Little warrior,” Cyella chided, “you forget you’re speaking to the Shadowkeeper.”

“Retribution is a righteous motivation for a champion to have,” Ysayle had said, back then.

“Rage is a powerful emotion,” Cyella said to her, now, “all champions have those. How else would they keep going against all odds?”

And then they kissed her again.

Khutulun the blacksmith was not a champion. She was a woman running from destiny even as it kept showing up at her door. Champions were better people, braver people (not that she wasn’t brave) than she. People who stood for a cause because they believed in it, not because they didn’t have a choice. She was just a blacksmith with a sword and a gift, dragged into this because the temptation of testing her mettle against “impossible” foes was too much for her to resist. Champions, she’d protest, have cleaner hands and cleaner consciouses than her. There was neither sin nor absolution to be found on her lips. She was a godslayer, not a god. Champions were holy things, and she was not.

“I don’t think,” Ysayle said to her, “champions don’t get to choose what they are. That is their tragedy.”

“A self-proclaimed champion is no champion at all,” Cyella echoed, years later, “Trust me, I would know.”

And then they kissed her again.

Champions, Khutulun lamented, had far too many people die for them. Left far too many people behind. She was not worth the trail of bodies left in her wake.

The Ysayle in her dreams smiled. “I’d do it again,” that smile said even as memory faded away.

“That is,” Cyella sighed, “the champion’s other tragedy. It is not up to you to decide if you’re worth it.”

And then she kissed her again.

Khutulun the blacksmith would never consider herself a champion. She was far too foolish for that. But for others? She would play the part, after all they had long ago decided without her that that’s what she was. And perhaps, she decided, that was actually her tragedy.

#ffxiv #ffxiv fanfiction #my writing #oc: khutulun dotharl #ysayle dangoulain #cyella #wol x ysayle #wol x cyella

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natashasnoodle · 1 year

Text

Homesick | Robin Buckley x Female Reader

Masterlist | R.B Masterlist

Words 2.6k

Summary: Friends -> enemies -> lovers

✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

You heard the out-of-breath panting coming from behind you as you sprinted across the grass, giggles escaping your mouth as you forced your legs to run as fast as they could. The muscles pushing you along burned and ached as you continued your run, but you would much rather feel the pain than have Robin catch you in your game of tag.

Tag was your game, and you would be damned if Robin would catch you. She never normally did which always bummed her out but she liked to try each day anyway after she secretly practised running around in circles in her backyard most days to try and raise her stamina. It did work, she was able to chase you for a lot longer than she had previously, but she just couldn't gather the speed that you were able to.

Through the eleven years that you had known Robin, aka the entirety of your life, she had only ever beaten you in tag once. And that was when you had tripped over and sprained your ankle. Instead of helping she bent down to tap your shoulder yelling, "Tag!", in victory before running off to go and get your Mom after a minute of checking that you were being serious and not 'faking it because she was catching up'.

You didn't really count that as a win considering your leg could have fallen off, though she still likes to say that she beat you once. But presently, when she yelled calling for a time out, you saw that she really was closer than you thought that she was, "Hey good job Robbie you're getting faster!", you praised her genuinely with a pat on the back as she was doubled over clutching the pain in her side that had arisen from pushing her body too far. She mumbled a thank you before standing up unsteadily, her face red and her jaw slack as she tried to draw in as much oxygen as she could.

She did not appreciate the amused look that appeared on your face at seeing her current state. "Don't be grumpy it's our last day off before we start Middle School", you pushed her slightly in faux-offence, which again she didn't seem to appreciate. A frown appeared on her face as she glared at you, and for a moment the fear of God ran through your veins when she tackled you to the floor, though you both soon burst out in fits of laughter as you ended up tumbling down the hill, limbs tangled together.

After the long fall to the bottom, you both lay in a starfish position on your backs, chests heaving with the exertion, and as the sun beat down on your bodies, you and Robin gave each other big smiles with sparkling eyes before you got up and extended your hand to help your friend up. "Come on Buckley, race you to the top!", you shouted as soon as she was standing on two legs again, earning a groan from her as she watched you sprint to the top, but smiling anyway as she began her ascent.

If you had known that would be your last last day of summer with Robin, you probably would have laid there for a lot longer before running up that hill and going home.

---

Your first day of senior year was finally here, and you were excited. Due to being on the track team and easily earning the top place in the school, you had been put forward to attend college on a scholarship. So as long as you kept trying this year and showed your teachers that you were still putting effort into your studies, you were all set. Your future was a go.

Though one thing was bothering you. Or rather, one person. The usual one person who managed to get under your skin. Robin Buckley.

Your first year of middle school completely ruined things between you and your best friend. It was when you started getting more into the sports clubs as you excelled in athletics, and this brought forward a new social circle for you, which you were excited about. Even though you tried to balance your time with your new friends and Robin, even introducing her to the group of people, she still felt as though you were leaving her behind and so started distancing herself, and hanging out with people she thought were more on her wavelength.

Robin's absence truly had an impact on your life, you missed her with all of your heart. She was your anchor, so even at the young age of eleven you desperately tried to bring her back into your life, but she was having none of it. Over the years and especially when high school started is when the glares began. The two of you seemed to develop an extreme distaste towards one another that completely trumped all of the good times that you had together.

At first, you had thought it was a shame that things had come to this point, but the more that the two of you spared each other evil glances and deliberately bashed into each other in the hall, the less bad you felt that this was the current state of your relationship.

The thing was, you just couldn't seem to escape her. During the athletics competitions and practices, the school band would play. For the most part, you would manage to ignore her presence during the races, but when the team came together to celebrate a win or a good time during practice, you could see her staring daggers at you as you celebrated. Especially if you were lifted into the air or similar, you got a good view of the stands that way. Although you were supposed to hate her, you always felt your mood drop whenever you saw her staring at you like that.

When you were younger and had originally gotten your place on the team you had always imagined celebrating wins with Robin, though it just wasn't meant to be. Things had gotten so bad that you probably wouldn't talk to her again, especially with it now being your last year of high school. You had no clue if she was going to go to college, but even so, you would be and you didn't plan on returning to Hawkins after that. It made you a bit sad that that would be the end of your and Robin's intertwined journey, but you pushed it down.

The name that you liked to call the pokey little town was "The land stuck in time". There was no progression, and you didn't like many of the people. Your friends were decent people to you, but you saw how backwards their mindsets were, the problem was that most people in Hawkins were the same, so you just had to put up with it, and tried to ignore the pain your chest felt when they made a jab at a part of you you hadn't concealed to them.

These thoughts had run through your mind yet again after a big win where you and Robin tried to kill each other with your eyes, but you tried to shrug it off as you walked on your own towards the water dispenser around the side of the main school building, away from the eyes of those still on the pitch. You'd forgotten to fill it up before the session, so now you were left dehydrated. Though you really wished that you had filled it up before when you saw who was currently filling up their bottle.

Robin Buckley.

Your legs froze when you spotted her as you debated whether to turn around or not, but your dry mouth was screaming at you to go and get some water, so, you continued. As you neared her she must have sensed that someone was there, and as soon as her bottle was full she whipped her head around to face you. The surprise on her face that someone was there quickly morphed into anger as she took in who it was. You.

Your chest tightening indicated just how uncomfortable you were with this situation, but with your head held high, you continued forward, ignoring how your heart was screaming to run the other way.

Just as you were a few steps away and about to say a friendly hello, she shoved past you, knocking the bottle from your hand, not that she noticed as she took marching strides forward to get away from you. "Do you mind?", you exclaimed as you bent down to pick up your bottle. It was cheap but still your favourite, so as you noticed some scratches you delicately rubbed at them as if that would help at all whilst slowly standing, disappointment flashing across your features.

She turned around suddenly, expecting a shouting match, but at seeing you looking genuinely disheartened she felt her heart drop slightly before straightening her posture and looking at you as though she did nothing wrong. When you looked up and met her gaze you saw red as you saw a smirk dance across her lips. "You could at least pretend to care", you mumbled as you walked to the dispenser, thinking that she couldn't hear you, though apparently, she did.

"Yeah? Like you pretended with me for eleven years?", she scoffed, and you turned to face her with a scowl on your face. "I never pretended to care about you, Buckley", you said her name with pure malice as though the word tasted awful on your tongue, "I genuinely did care until you shut me out and started acting as though you wanted me dead".

"I shut you out because you completely ditched me", she marched back towards you, her jaw tight with anger. "I never ditched you!". This was feeling like all of the arguments you had in the past as kids. "Did", she spoke with confidence and took another step forward.

"Did not".

"Did".

You sighed and ran a hand through your hair at the childishness, just wanting to escape the situation altogether. Clearly, you and Robin weren't capable of civility at all now, and you just wanted to go back to the people you could talk regularly to. "Just leave me alone", you spoke and tried to move past her, but she quickly pushed your shoulder back so that you were standing in front of her as before. "No, I'm sick of you running away from me whenever we argue. I want to argue".

Never in your life had you been more confused, "You want- you want to argue with me?".

"If that means that I can talk to you for more than two seconds then yes! Yes, I do want to argue", she nodded defiantly, and you stared at her as though you didn't understand a word of English, causing her to roll her eyes. "For someone going to college you don't seem very bright, Y/l/n", she taunted with a smirk, making red appear on your cheeks for her making you feel stupid.

Again you blinked a few times as you stared at her, not believing that she would try and make fun of you, even though it wasn't a surprise considering your history. "I don't want to do this", you shook your head as the corners of your lips tugged down. Recently with thinking about moving away from Hawkins and the realisation that you wouldn't see Robin again, it had made you feel a certain sadness. Mourning for what once was. So, having her being so 'stick up her ass like' to you just hurt, "I don't want to argue with you, Robbie".

Her entire demeanour faltered at the nickname, one that she hadn't heard in seven years. "Why?". Now it was your time to look at her like she was stupid. "I thought you would have loved to shout at me, you always look like you hate me whenever I see you", she continued. You sighed again and looked her dead in the eye, "Because you always glared at me, so I just did it back, over time it became natural".

"I glared at you because you glared at me", she pointed an accusing finger at you, and your face scrunched up. "No, you glared at me, so I glared at you".

"No-", Robin tried to start again but you interrupted. "Let's not do that again, okay?", you allowed a small smile to rest on your lips and she gave a hesitant one in agreement. "So, we both had a misunderstanding with how we looked at each other, okay? Can we agree on that?", you proposed, and she shrugged but nodded. Baby steps. "I get that you were upset that I didn't spend as much time as you, but I really tried to keep you in my life, but whenever I went to your house you told me to go away".

"Yeah, because like I said, you ditched me for those idiot jocks and cheerleaders", she immediately became defensive again, her glare ever more prominent. "I didn't ditch you!", you shouted and took a daring step closer to her, your faces now practically touching.

"Yes. Yes you did". You pursed your lips in disbelief, completely missing the way Robin's eyes settled on them for a moment before meeting yours again. "Why did you care so much that I met new people?. Why was that such an issue that you wanted to cut me out of your life forever?", you interrogated, which seemed to catch her off-guard as she briefly frowned before returning an answer. "Because you got so much closer with Chrissy and completely left me! She would always give you hugs and just always be- I don't know, just always be all over you and I couldn't stand it".

Chrissy was an absolute sweetheart, you didn't get why Robin had such an issue with her. "I hugged you too though?".

"I know, but I didn't want you hugging other people, I didn't know why when we were kids but it became really clear to me over the last couple of-", Robin's eyes widened as she clearly thought that she had spilt too much information. "What became clear?", you questioned but didn't receive an answer, "Robin, what became clear", you tried again more sternly.

Though you regretted the tone change when you saw that tears rushed to her waterline. You were able to see them even if she had quickly pushed them down. "Robbie...", you tried again in a sweeter tone, which made her practically melt into a puddle in front of you.

"It became clear", she tried again with a broken voice, "That I love you", she spoke so quietly that if you were another step back you wouldn't have been able to hear her. You were in shock. After spending years thinking that Robin hated you, only to find out months before you were due to move away forever that she loved you was a tough pill to swallow. Especially since you had been spending your time shoving mutual feelings down where no one would ever find them.

Though Robin took your silence as a bad thing and immediately began to panic. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything", she rushed out and took a step back, though was stopped from going further by you gently taking a hold of her hand. "Robin please don't go", you pleaded softly, and she frowned, not understanding what was going on. You took a step forward to bridge the gap, and she gulped with anticipation.

"I love you too", a smile appeared on your face as Robin gave a dry chuckle of disbelief. Years of hating each other for no reason. "You do?". You gave a hum of agreement as she pulled you into a tight hug, one that made you feel safer than you had done in years. "I missed you", she whispered and held you tighter. "I missed you too".

Being back in Robin's arms made you realise that she was home. You had spent the last seven years not realising that you were homesick. But now you were home.

In her arms, you were home.

✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

Taglist: @fxckmiup @itsdoni

#robin buckley imagine #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x female reader #robin buckley #robin buckley angst #robin buckley fluff #stranger things #robin x reader

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