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sagan-starstuff · 12 days

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XF Meta: Scully's Medical Training Timeline

At the request of @randomfoggytiger, I wanted to do my damnedest to make Scully's education and training timeline make even a little sense. I'm a physician (specifically a specialist in adult infectious diseases), and it's fairly clear to me that CC and Co probably didn't actually talk to any doctors about how medical training works. Love my girl - I'm a Scully Effect kid, I don't think I'd be a doctor at all if it weren't for the inspiration of Dana Scully. But her timeline is...iffy at best.

Disclaimer: My medical school and post-med school training occurred from 2009-2018, Scully's occurred in the 1980's-90's. From what I can tell, the durations of many residencies and fellowships don't seem to have changed much, but I can't say that for certainty for all programs at all institutions. I am also from the US, so I cannot speak to medical training in other countries.

Our girl was born in 1964, and so unless she skipped a grade (which some schools would do if students were classified as "gifted" or otherwise exceptional, she would have graduated from high school at age 18 in 1982 and went straight to college. Let's assume she didn't skip a grade, for the sake of argument.

You have to have a Bachelor's degree to apply to medical school. These degrees typically take 4 years, though if someone arrives at college with credits from dual-enrollment high school classes or AP exam credits OR if they take summer classes some people can complete them in 3 years. I don't know what the availability of dual enrollment or AP classes was like in the early 80's (and like CC, I'm too lazy to do the research to find out), so we can assume that Scully graduated from college in 1986.

Medical school is 4 years long - no shortening this at that point in time, and even now in almost all cases. So that puts medical school graduation in 1990 IF she's following a traditional timeline and went straight from college to medical school.

Now, if someone is going to go into practice they have to do a residency in at least one of a variety of specialties (Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, Surgery, etc.) in order to be board certified and practice independently. There are very, very few job options in clinical medicine if you DON'T do a residency, so if you want to practice, you have to do it. Residencies can be anywhere from 3-5 years, depending on the specialty. You can also further subspecialize after a residency by doing one or more fellowships (typically 1-3 years depending on the fellowship) before sitting for your board certification exams and starting independent practice. For example - after medical school I did a 3-year residency in adult internal medicine, then a 2 year fellowship in adult infectious diseases to be eligible to sit for the boards and enter my specialty, so 5 years further training after medical school before I could get a job, get board certified, and practice.

Scully is a forensic pathologist. She would have had to do a 3 or 4 year pathology residency (both were options at the time) followed by a 1 year forensic pathology fellowship. You CANNOT perform autopsies right out of medical school, if you are going to be a forensic pathologist you HAVE to do this training. So, following a traditional timeline this puts her as having completed forensic pathology training in 1994 or 1995. Pilot starts March 7th, 1992, so this is loooooong after she's canonically already an FBI agent and teaching at the academy.

But our girl's a smart cookie, so let's take a little leeway with her timeline. Let's say she skipped a grade some time in K-12. This puts high school graduation in 1981. Let's say she ALSO graduates with a bunch of AP credit and does summer semesters and finishes her undergraduate degree in Physics in 3 years. This puts her as starting medical school in 1984, with graduation in 1988. She'd still need to do that pathology residency and forensic pathology fellowship - let's assume a 3 year residency, then 1 year fellowship, so she'd finish training in 1992.

Still doesn't fit.

Let's go totally off the rails here - we know Scully was recruited out of medical school to the FBI, so she didn't do a traditional residency at all - UNLESS the FBI has an internal forensic pathology residency. It would HAVE to be accelerated in some way - some programs combine residency and fellowship by giving less elective time and more focus to the fellowship content. It's not common but they exist. Let's say in theory the FBI has an accelerated forensic pathology residency that takes 3 years, in addition to the 20 weeks of the FBI academy training. This has her finishing residency AND FBI academy training some time in 1991.

This is the ONLY way she could have finished forensic pathology training AND the FBI academy with enough time to be a fully certified forensic pathologist and FBI agent with some time left to teach at the FBI academy before being assigned to the X-Files on March 7th, 1992.

I can suspend my disbelief enough to be on board with this. You'd have to be pretty damned special, which we know she is, to get recruited out of medical school by the FBI. Maybe they even developed the accelerated combined residency/fellowship just for her! She's Dana Katherine Motherf***ing Scully, people!

Now, IWTB is where things get REALLY unbelievable. (Disclaimer: I have not watched IWTB since seeing it in theaters in 2008. I'll get around to rewatching it someday soon. Probably with a bottle of wine. Not a glass. A bottle.)

Mulder and Scully go on the run in 2002. We don't know how long they were in the wind, but by 2008, she's been allowed to resume a career and is practicing at Our Lady of Sorrows. Clearly in pediatrics - but general pediatricians sure as hell don't do stem cell transplants, so she'd almost certainly have to be a pediatric oncologist. We aren't told what her specialty is specifically, but that's what she'd have to be to do a stem cell transplant.

(That scene in the OR isn't even what stem cell transplants LOOK LIKE but that's a rant for another day, back to my point.)

MEDICAL BOARDS DON'T JUST LET YOU CHANGE YOUR SPECIALTY FOR FUNSIES.

(Deep breaths. Serenity now. Ok, let's do this.)

Scully would have had to do an ENTIRELY NEW residency AND fellowship in order to practice as a pediatric oncologist. Pediatrics residency is 3 years long. Pediatric Hematology/Oncology fellowship is 3 years long. In order for this to be even remotely possible, she would have had to START residency in 2002 to finish fellowship by 2008 and start her job at Our Lady of Sorrows.

And she's a former FBI agent harboring a known felon, on the run from government officials and alien hybrids who want her and Mulder dead.

There is absolutely no way even the smallest, most hard-up pediatric residency program is going to accept her with that hanging over her head. I'm not going to get into all the details of how rigorous and stressful the post-medical school residency application and match process is, but even if she didn't apply until she KNEW it was safe to come out from underground, she'd still have to explain a multi-year gap in her resume/CV to the program directors. Multi-year gaps in career and training without a reasonable explanation like a medical issue, time off to care for an ailing family member, time off for research, time away in a different, legitimate career are NOT looked on kindly when applying for residency positions. She would have a HELL of a time getting into a totally different residency.

It could happen - if anyone could do it, she could. But there's absolutely no way there's enough time for her to complete that training by 2008.

"But sagan-starstuff, it's CC, it's X-Files, we know there was no show bible and no one but the fans gave a shit about continuity or things making sense, there's no logic just vibes"

I KNOW, OK. I KNOW. And I love this insane, beautiful masterpiece anyway. I love exploring the possibilities of how and when it all could have happened with my fellow insane Philes who work so hard to glean meaning and order from this perfect mess of a show.

But couldn't CC have talked to one (1) doctor about what medical training is like at some point between 1993 and 2018? Just one?

Anyway. Yeah. That's my meta. Scully's training timeline makes no goddamned sense. Compels me, though.

@randomfoggytiger, this is for you. Honorable mention to @precedex-files who I ranted about this with in messages a while back.

#the x files #the xfiles #x files #thexfiles #msr #txf #dana scully #xfiles #poangpals #poang pals #holy crap how did that take me 2 hours #i thought this was going to be so simple #but it's not #Scully's just the most special genius perfect human so she can be whatever she wants to be #unhinged doctor ranting #god why am i still awake i have work tomorrow

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wisteriainslumber · 2 years

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what types of students are the twst characters

in which i turn nrc into a public school

i cannot confirm nor deny my involvement in any of these scenarios

Warnings: swearing, cr*wley, mentions of drugs and alcohol, caters nicknames, and school

Riddle

i truly wish not even my worst enemy the pain of setting next to this boy

imagine getting back a test with 90% and feeling proud of it then the dude beside you gets a 98%

and this will happen for every assignment, test, group project

in fact, sitting next to him guarantees being paired up for projects together. the inferiority complex is building. this is truly the azul arc

you will get no sympathy from him. the project thats due in 5 days that you still havent started? what an irresponsible student. you reap what you sow.

truly makes you want to stab him with a mechanical pencil. maybe even get some lead stuck in there and make him think he’s poisoned

he has everything you could possibly need, including more miscellaneous supplies like staplers, hole punchers, highlighters, even compasses.

if you ask nicely he'll lend them to you but you best give them back by the end of the class lest you induce his wrath

people are more scared of him than they are of the teachers. most people dont believe the heartslabyul students when they say that riddle is nice to them

oh but he is. he tutors them and is thorough with it. he knocks on everyones door during lights out to say goodnight to them. no one forgets anything for school trips bc riddle quadruple checks.

has some busted ass phone. imagine some crunchy notifications sounds from it. it blares in the room in the middle of the lecture and its so funny every time

since then riddle keeps his phone out of the classroom or outright silences it. if you have an emergency, have it outside of class hours please and thank you

brings a million layers to school bc hes always getting cold and then hot two hours later can someone pls help him

oh but don’t underestimate him, even if hes sick on his death bed he will show up to class anyway. you know those kids that definitely got fever but their parents still send them to school? yeah, like jade needs to physically drag him into the infirmary before he gives up and reluctantly goes home to rest

lets hope its not exam season he will be hacking n’ coughing and sniffling miserably someone get this man a cough drop i think he just ran out

Trey

not up to date on the latest gossip but knows some of the weirdest, nichest shit around campus. literally this was stuff you didn’t even think you had to be warned about

warns you of the drug zones around the school and helps you stay clear of the places students usually hook up

warns you about that bathroom that got flooded because some kid took a shit in the urinal and clogged the pipes😍😍 dont go in there the evidence is still on the ceiling

also be mindful of the graduation plaques in the the student-dubbed “bl*wjob hall”. you do not want to know what the previous graduates did to them.

he will not bake weed brownies for you. stop asking.

in fact, you're not supposed to know he makes edibles

and no they are not for sale at his bakery. dont even try to enter.

gets the shit scared out of him every morning because lilia’s preferred greetings are unexpected and gravity-defying

all of treys classmates knows he’s in the classroom by the loud “GOODNESS, ME” every time lilia says good morning to him

rip to the science club. you got trey trying to magically grow plants and rook claiming he’s making a potion that has smoke machine effects

because a bunch of magical students with access to funky chemicals cannot result in anything good, the chances of the plant becoming carnivorous and that smoke machine causing hallucinogenic side effects is quite high

their club initiation can’t be anything other than making things grow and explode

“experiments” usually mean they’ve accidentally made chloroform. or any kind of corrosive substance. trey needs to dispose of it before it gets into some freshman’s backpack

Cater

he doodles on his notes, yes, but they are ✨on theme✨

his notes on the snow queens curse contain doodles of skulls and stick figures buried in the snow...

"adopts" freshman. says shit like "this is my freshie"

knows the latest gossip of the school but doesn’t really know a lot of people

lots of people know him though!! or of him

has nicknames for every professor and they are so horrid. no one deserves to hear the name “vargy daddy” (ironically, we hope) exit someones mouth. not even the rsa students.

sometimes uses the lesson board as his daily streaks, sometimes the profs catch him making winky faces for his photos

and because he refuses to sit anywhere but beside idia (or his tablet), he ends up in these selfies simply by association

cater got a failed test back and claimed prof trein was homophobic

this is even funnier for anyone that hcs cater being treins nephew

his posts keep going viral because he’s always there to film the rumoured nrc antics. he can kickstart an nrc-insider news career out of this

you get a notification that he’s live on magicam but no it’s lilia using caters platform to “sing everyone a lullaby”

on the bright side, it worked, they’re all knocked out. on the down side, it’s not as relaxing as lilia thinks it is

sometimes posts their band antics and hey that would’ve pulled a lot of people in but they are very put off by lilias singing

on the plus side though they are very good at synchronized dancing

clogs the hallways on occasion while filming on twisttok. move or you will be seen by his thousands of followers

might be my bias talking but idc, cater was at least a third of the student body’s gay awakening. hes got a personality that makes it hard not to like him, like what is there not to love?

say hi to him once and he will say hi to you until graduation. he will also introduce you to whoever he’s talking to at that moment

at the end of the semester you know at least half the people in this school

Ace

i dont care that this is a magic school, all freshman are sentient zoo animals that have escaped their enclosures

participated in the devious licks trend and got away with some of the wilder shit like stall doors and the graduates plaque from years ago?? (it was his brothers class)

he was the shit back in middle school and hes going to be an obnoxious freshman and claim you need his permission to sit at “his table”

canonically hes always involved in SOMETHING so all of the hot gossip around nrc is usually about ace

his constant beheadings has become an nrc inside joke and is used as a reaction image now

prime examples being "neiges lawyers after they see my y/n edits" or “me after vil’s team finds my account” from user vilsballsack

shortest player on the basketball team and grim will not let him live it down

ace frequents ramshackle the most and his mischievous nature combined with the ghosts’ means lots of rude awakenings

not even the standard bucket on the door pranks, ace goes above and beyond with them. they range from whoopee cushions to the most elaborate traps, with dominos and strings triggering everything

just wait until you hear about april fools day, bro. karmas a bitch :/

at least he buys you a weekly coffee </3 he complains but will be pissed if deuce buys you one instead

fighting for his life trying not to laugh during sex ed

he plays with those cpr dummies like how you imagine children play with dolls

smashes them against each other, establishes the darkest kind of hierarchy, and his favourite thing to do is twist the heads off the bodies

he gets it from the queen housewarden rosehearts🤩

he and deuce whisper so loudly that they disrupt the class so they’ve resorted to very obvious note passing

every crinkle of paper stomps on the profs nerves but it’s better than hearing whisper-debates over whether glitter gel pens are manly or not

bluetooth connects to the announcement speakers to play WAP. sigh.

for any band kids out there, he is a trumpet player. i think that says enough

Deuce

vaped in the washrooms for a month thinking he was cool before he reformed himself

thought it was so funny to lie about his name at the coffee shop but keeps giggling and being weird about it. the baristas know “divus” is definitely not his name

plus, the campus shops are more likely than not run by students or staff. literally everyone knows who divus is and he’s never had blue hair and pronouns

is in the centre of every single fight that happens in this school. he has not missed a single match to scrap with the other freshies

even his seniors are shivering in fear

thought it was funny to draw dicks on every desk he sat in

influenced some dorm members to draw dicks on their faces claiming it was Heartslabyul-issued makeup

needless to say he didn’t get away with it for long

cannot leave his phone unattended with ace. the last time he did, ace switched up his charger settings so the phone was robotically moaning when deuce put it in the charging port

calls his momma every lunch time to make sure she ate

somehow got adopted by the cafeteria ghosts and he occasionally gets free cookies or coffees

rode a skateboard to school and hid it in his locker. got caught two months in because sebek was yelling at him for bringing a skateboard to school

finds a way to tear up at any kind of movie or documentary displayed in class. hes just so moved.

but bro if he gets clowned on one more time by grim, he’s really gonna burst out the waterworks

once got so sick of grim he started barking at him. epel refuses to delete the video

asks you to wake him up if he dozes off during magic history. you get wracked with guilt every time you steal him away from dreamland

Leona

didn’t go to class for like 4 months and then shows up after everyone in the class declared him dead

directly sassing his teachers and unfortunately he is very funny

only one he can’t get away with is crewel because crewel will hit him and turn him into a designer rug

doesn’t bring notes, doesn’t even bring a pencil. he’s repeated these lessons twice, he already knows everything

because he already learnt it before he can get away with sleeping and answering their questions just fine

his profs are mad. its not misconduct if the student is in fact, aware of the material

they did him so dirty putting rook in the same class as him. this is actually great for the profs when he decides to come to class because he refuses to sleep in rooks presence

threatens to claw out rooks face if he dares to sit next to him so rook sat behind him :)

learns broken french against his will. learns whos nicknames correspond with who against his will.

if ever partnered up with rook, leona finds out that rook wasnt taking notes at all. all that typing was done on magic of our own and the pen scribbling was a doodle of leona

lord knows what stopped him from turning rook into dust

(it’s because epel will be sad if rook is gone)

doesnt believe in calculators he's a mental math god but only when he wants to be

beware if anything remotely sexist that catches his ears. he will call you out. in front of everyone. who said women sucked at games? they’re lucky his sister in law isn’t playing. her favourite game happens to be predator vs prey :))

violates academic honesty but sucks at it. he copies and pastes, puts it in a paraphrasing bot, then translates it in 10 languages, and puts it on the page. no formatting or anything.

if the profs uses those plagiarism checkers, leona is getting caught 100%

do not ask him if he can talk to lucius, you will become a missing persons case

Ruggie

knows everyone on school grounds

you might think it’s cater, or azul, but no, it’s ruggie and i can’t explain it

has most likely club-hopped until he settled for magift. he knows quite a few buddies here and there, so if ur ever looking for someone, ruggies the one to ask. if not directly, he can give you leads on your search

shows up to record the fights that deuce gets into but will not join them. hes here for the drama, not to get into them

violates academic integrity. he gets so fucking creative with it. hes the one making homemade water bottle labels or creating a whole new code (disguised as battle scars on his arm) so it looks like hes not cheating

listen he will find a way to cheat if he doesnt know. its all in or nothing

work smarter not harder <3

he’s basically on the clock 24/7 with leona and his other odd jobs. sometimes he doesn’t have enough time to study, but he sure has time to create a new language as a fail-safe. it’s called being resourceful >:(

kid who uses calculator to check simple things like 2 + 3 but can find the circumference of a box using only a formula and the fortitude of his mind????

bro is literally so resourceful, can take the most simplest things and turn them into masterpieces. he is exactly like those people that can create edits, theories, and fics out of a character that was seen for 5 minutes

magishift disk got lost? he’s already found a frisbee. or you can use this notebook. it’s rectangle but if it works, it works, right?

1 inch of snow? no problem he’ll make a sturdy fort for you to hide under during snowball fights

profs thought he dyed his hair blonde in rebellion but no hes just born like that. his hair just got darker as he grew leave him alone pls :( it’s all natural :((

pen flicker and he knows it. absolutely defying the laws of physics with the aerodynamics of his pen. it ends up being more entertaining than the actual lesson

sneaks snacks into classrooms but he’s quiet enough about it that no one really cares

so dont try to snitch on him for a corn chip you aint gettin one

no he does not sell drugs on the down low who told you that?

don’t remove his sunglasses he needs them. is he what? oh, hi.

Jack

had a kiddy crush on the queens for a year

they’re so hardworking, and knowledgeable, and talented, like he really looks up to them

turns out he didn’t want to date them he just wanted to be them fr

would be a very good influence on his friend group if they weren’t even worse when combined together

at least he’s a good influence on epel. or at least that’s what vil tells him

not really causing trouble but since he hangs out with the first years, he's in trouble by association

this is the fifth time grim has gotten stuck in the vents playing real life among us and jack is running out of excuses

gives epel a look of disapproval every time he catches his name in kahoot

accidentally learned many countryisms and swear words he didn’t even know existed

any time epel fails a test or had a fight with vil, jack adds to his forbidden vocabulary

invites epel to his 6AM runs with vil and he occasionally joins, but ultimately epel enjoys sleeping in, says that he must sleep enough hours to trigger his growth spurt

got to demonstrate his knowledge in first aid when deuce took a nasty fall during club activities. was the most excited to plaster the patterned bandaid on him but don’t say anything about it >:( bros got an image to protect

gained a new appreciation for musicals from ortho’s influence. he likes six the musical the most obviously

minds his business the most. he doesn’t give a shit if you fell on your ass during flight. he’ll help you up, check that you’re alright, and go on about his day, no further comments

so for anyone who is easily embarrassed, jack’s your bestie now

Azul

most pretentious bitch in the class for two reasons

1. always has some extra curricular activity going on and will not stfu about it

2. always has something to add to the lesson or story and will not stfu about it

for anyone thats read jamils lab story, it’s exactly like that. azul will comment on everything, bring out his observations, will constantly pester u & try to pick apart ur brain

not in a scientific way, he just wants to crack into the cool knowledge inside. bros a nerd (affectionate)

by the end of the first week you will want to push his head in the cauldron & not let up until he slowly goes limp

please don’t give him any debate assignment. he’s about to tear out heartslabyul student B over the worth of cryptocurrency

(it’s nothing. it’s worth literally nothing.)

has a stack of business cards for mostro and will hand them out to anyone who shows the slightest interest in azul himself

rip to any one of his classmates that may have harboured a crush on him because azul is nothing if not his own biggest cockblocker

for some reason, he can bend the power of time to his will considering he had the time to control the odds of rolling dice while still attending to all of his after-school activities

every board game meeting is idia being horrified at azul’s extra-ness or azul getting clowned to hell by idia himself

they are so mean to each other but will hiss if you try to pry them apart

bro works two jobs, a student and a restaurant manager. how the hell is he doing all this and still #2 in his grade who knows. the grind never stops and his pronouns happen to be work/hard

don’t be fooled though, behind closed doors he is getting his glasses taken away from him by the twins so he can fucking REST. can’t do ur work without your sight!!

ofc they don’t tell him that though they just embarrass azul by either staring at him “innocently” until azul decides to leave (jade) or threaten to whack him with a frying pan until he falls asleep (floyd)

Jade

in the first year he smashed floyds head into poor idias locker and the huge dent is still there to show for it

the profs permit him to snack in class bc he brings “healthy” choices like carrots and apples.

eats them so menacingly too. stare at him too long and he stares right back, then takes a giant, violent crunch on his snack.

smiles innocently at them even though he’s well aware of the fear in his fellow students eyes

can not incriminate him. hides all traces of his involvement for issues he enabled.

unless it’s his weekly brawl with his brother on school grounds. “we’re twins, we fight all the time” is not a valid excuse to chase each other down the halls with metal forks

cracks a joint when floyd punches someone so they can convince the student that floyd broke his nose. serves them right for talking shit

doesn’t join in on the fight. you might think this is a good thing but having jade stand by and encourage your pain as you’re getting your shit rocked hurts even worse than the punches

crewel cannot pair jade with any student besides riddle. he’s an enabler. people listen to him either because they’re scared of him or they don’t know better. what was supposed to be a “good idea” to mix vials E and F turns into accidentally (?) creating mustard gas

when you chat with him you find out hes one of those insane sims players that tortures their sims for fun

he genuinely thinks that how youre supposed to play the game

no he’s not shroom hunting on his mountain hikes. he’s genuinely just living his cottagecore dreams. he cherishes the little mushroom mug he got from riddle. it even has a cute lid :)

he never confirms nor denies these accusations, however

if anything, he will turn it on the other party. what do you mean you think he’s collecting magic mushrooms??? he’s never even seen one :((

was the reason the school had to implement a ban on permanent markers. he kept sniffing them and got sent to the nurses office for it. now whenever some students want to skip class or out of pure curiosity, they sniff until they get sick

Floyd

that fucking maniac when his pen runs out of ink during a test he bites himself and uses the blood as ink and doesnt bat an eye at it

plays the game of switching classes with jade but it doesnt last very long because "jade" is suspiciously doing too well in flight class

treats dodgeball like a carnival game. whips that shit so hard at you, you’re convinced you’re leaking spinal fluid

if he’s feeling real freaky he’ll freeze the snowballs a little before throwing them :D

loudly opening and eating chips in class

when trein scolds him hes handing out gummy bears to his classmates in front of his face

sits in the front row just to nap there. hes got so much audacity and zero fear

lectures last 3 hours. perfect time to watch a movie. hes giving the classmates a free streaming party

sometimes hes just laughing to himself while taking notes. or maybe he’s texting who knows?

unsafe during potionology have you seen his lab card

comments on the drinkability of every chemical

god forbid you ever do a dissection bc hes gonna be saying the most ravenous shit

"that eyeball kinda be looking juicy" my ass

can he maybe like eat before class for everyones sanity

takes any dare from jade as a challenge, and if he succeeds, then he gets to make jade do smth for him

most of the time he declares himself as the eldest sibling™ and jade just has to accept it

if it was unclear, a lot of their fights consist of who is the godly privileged eldest sibling and who isnt

the rest of the time he makes jade show up to class in some clown shoes and laughs at the squeaky sounds coming from jade’s footsteps

pencil chewer. and eraser stabber. just keep the magic pen away from his mouth

Kalim

drew flowers and hearts and sparkles around his war history notes

its his standard for all his notes

brings in whole ass meals in his class and shares it with his seatmates. it smells amazing

shows up to class with random shit every day. if he’s making his own day, why not make everyone elses day too, u know?

he has this huge stuffed rabbit that he lugged around class one day. it’s named peter. it has its own seat.

once brought a bunch of balloons and blew them up in the middle of the lecture?? he had time to draw faces on them? one is him, one is jamil, etc, etc

silver gets one of those balloons that kalim drew on. look! it’s purple, like your eyes!

brought bubbles to school and had a rave in the courtyard

initiates snowman building parties but most of the time they don’t work out because these rambunctious nrc students will destroy the snowmen after class

(jamil will secretly repair these snowmen so kalim doesn’t find out octavinelle student A kicked a hole through frosty jr’s chest)

shares his scratch and sniff stickers with his classmates. there’s some whacky scents in there and honestly most of them smell foul

kalim knows this and ofc warns people beforehand. although, which ones smell good and which dont? sniff and find out ig

at least his presentations are the most entertaining. they’re extra as hell like he would sooner coordinate an entire skit than present normally

chances are he ends up improving some stuff because he forgets his lines rip. fortunately it is fun to make up a skit with kalim so, 9/10 for his groupmates, minus 1 point bc he sent them all in cardiogenic shock from his grand ideas. how in the world are they going to get, or even train an elephant for science????

if doing some kinda powerpoint, takes advantage of those fun transition effects and funny pictures. they may not be 100% relevant to the topic but he wanted you to see this baby koala anyway

Jamil

24/7 talking to himself in his head so he can have an intellectual conversation for once

when being particularly annoyed, he imagines the students or even the school burning. it oddly soothes his mind

avoids the window seat if the window is open. one too many bug accidents. there’s only so many tables jamil can char before he gets in trouble.

watch him pull out a hazmat suit when it’s time for flight class in june. fucking wasps.

pen flicker. he isnt aware he does this but its pretty cool to watch

see, jamil shares a class with azul. and with azuls annoying ass attitude and even more annoying twins tailing him, he’s resorted to keeping a pair of headphones on him at all times

do people not understand? if he’s sitting alone and has headphones in, it means he doesn’t want to talk!! cough cough take a hint

his only joy derives from watching the smug ass grin on azuls face disappear when he’s on a broom

long since stopped trying to reason with his fellow basketball club. ace can deal with floyd, he’s here to do his part and leave

unless they’re playing a match with another school. then get ur ass up, jamil is Competitive and wants the win for himself

while his phone is on silent, the screen is always lighting up bc kalim loves to blow up his phone with messages

he can’t mute kalim in case the dude gets himself in a problem, so he’s dealing with links and images of dolphins while his class is learning about the components of pixie dust

rarely responds to these but will send occasional “cool”s or “kalim please focus in class” texts

the secret thing is, he is very fascinated by these links. educates himself with dolphin trivia, or whatever topic kalim has been interested in lately, for their future conversations

but he'd rather get buried alive than say that to his face

Vil

creative as hell he will find script ideas out of every class hes in (just like me fr <3)

smells so good. unbelievably good. its probably his own fragrance. it’s not on sale yet.

half the school has a crush on him but no one is brave enough to approach him like cater is

celebrity status AND dorm leader? thats like VIP status on top of VIP status. understandably, few try to approach him with further intentions than a fan/classmate

not cater though! he says he wants to take a pic with vil for the clout but thats definitely a farce. vil knows it, and cater knows vil knows it.

he got them teacher heels. you know those? you hear him long before you see him and you fix up your behaviour too. the power of those teacher heels.

non-pomefiore students either hate them or are so damn jealous of them. you’re getting coached by the vil schoenheit?? you get to see his face and hear his voice every day????

vil’s seen too many people sneak in and try to pass off as his dorm members. he’s amused but like, you can visit you know? just make sure to inform your dorm leader and go back before curfew.

highly advises these students to leave everything as they found it. no dorm would tolerate students who cannot pick up after themselves

if somehow, these brave ass students ignore this advice, vil’s making them wash all 200 of pomefiores windows. inside and outside :) yes, this also includes the mosiacs

if you get this man for a presentation project, you’re either extremely lucky or very unlucky

on the bright side, he can lead a lot of the spoken parts but dont expect him to do it all. he expects you to know your parts and speak clearly

on the bright side again, he’s very thorough with research and citing. your profs love him

on the down side you cannot last minute rush this, if you were thinking of it. while he allows some leeway because emergencies and life happens, he will hunt you down so it will be finished at least a day prior. that is a threat.

Rook

knows your entire natal chart

serves u personal asstrology horoscopes. says shit like “your dad is back in your life because mars is in retrograde” and he’s right. why is mars doing the renagade and why is it so powerful???

draws the most detailed, obscure abstract art or the most realistic rendition of a real life object no in-between

was so excited to see leona in his class he has so much to tell him about his day, and what vils doing, and what new discovery science club made that week, and the pretty birds he saw this morning-

confidently writing his neige/vil fanfic in class. or self insert. really doesn’t matter because its actually written so beautifully he could convert you to any kind of ship or belief

in fact he most likely submitted fanfic for an assignment and gaslit the profs into thinking he went above and beyond what was required of him

this is an artistic vision, a romantic metaphor for the tale of the sleeping kingdom. the curse is actually symbolized through her crown!!

in the autumn he picks up a random leaf from the ground and it’s his muse for the day. you look over and theres some kid with a leaf on his desk? don’t mind him

reported on the first week for crawling around on all fours to get the optimal photo angle

he still crawls around for the photo he’s just sneakier now

a kid who got exposed to creepypasta and has never been the same since

he has the old deviantart account to prove it

unintentionally kickstarts so many rumours because no one knows anything about his life before nrc

there’s ongoing theories that rook is secretly a vampire, or a descendant of royalty, or an undercover spy

the rumours were the worst during his freshman year because his behaviour was jarring to most students. rook had celebrity syndrome then, where people think he’s dating everyone he interacts with

though, self nicknamed “hunter of love”, confusion is bound to happen. does it mean homewrecking? harem collecting? matchmaking?? no one knows and no one is brave enough to find out

the joint cracker in class. leona hates him so much. one more crack and rook is gonna end up on the news

Epel

a little bit emo, bros been going through it all year give him some time

has and continues to paint his nails black but switched to colours in the second year

calls his phases in his life “eras” and whoever he was two months ago is not him anymore!! the past is NOT today!

found a way to shake the vending machine to get the snacks to fall down

the loud ass freshie during lunch. believed he was too cool for the cafeteria and ate in the halls

unfortunately he is once again, Too Loud and gets scolded by the teachers a lot

feral. absolutely feral. he has bit people and they have the bite marks to prove it

misgendering? insulting his friends? just overall being disrespectful? square up bitch.

the first years have a hard time wrangling in epel and deuce. pray for them.

still initiates snowball fights even after they got banned because the ignihyde students built machines to mass produce snowballs

jerked off the dildo they were supposed to practice putting a condom on. vargas is so so so disappointed

has an ungodly amount of deodorant in his bag and all of them are from vil

does he use them? hell no, they smell like old people. he has his own max spray. what do you mean it smells bad? this is what manly macho men smell like you wouldn’t get it

kicked a broken soap dispenser into the toilet. when asked, he’ll tell you that he doesn’t know what came over him

competitive in kahoot because he has an inappropriate username

nothing screams victory like standing on the 1st place podium as "ben dover"

being classmates with him is like, this dude next to you is making a portrait in minecraft pixel art??? what does this have to do with the god of mischief’s reign???

gotta admit it tho, he’s pretty damn talented.. wait what was the prof saying again😅?

Idia

theatre kid

but like, stage crew theatre kid

once hes got the drama kid complex in him, everyone whos not in the drama program are instantly peons to him

they just arent as fun, they dont understand the references, and they are overall total normies

attends class through his tablet most of the time so, in that era we had of online school, i think we all know idia was not actually paying attention

100% muted his classes to catch up on the episodes he missed

lectures? sure sure, he’ll record them and take notes later. now shh he’s hiding behind his laptop screen to play rhythm games. wheres the mute button irl???

starts attending class more frequently to bond over rhythm games with cater. if you hear two people in the back speaking some foreign language it’s probably them.

in fact im pretty sure that only these two will be able to understand each other with whatever strange terms and lingo they pull out of thin air

ortho is very very happy about this

one time in the bathroom, when he went to get soap to wash his hands, the fucking dispenser fell from the wall

went thru the 5 stages of grief and panic, and ended up fleeing and stressing if he would be caught and fined for this. officially the worst day of his life fr

if it was that rusty to fall from the wall, you can only assume that these people don’t wash their hands often

have you seen his lab card he’s about to drink chemicals

then again, he’s an energy drink person, so i suppose that unidentified lab chemicals arent the worst thing he’s put in his body

actually legally cannot talk to anyone because he gets overcome with a terrible affliction: he gets a crush on them :(

two days of saying hi to each other and idia is already imagining a fancy proposal

cant take that bitch anywhere

Ortho

barges into idias lectures to deliver him lunch because HE ALWAYS FORGETS IT.

sometimes he just sits and joins the class. can it be considered auditing?? hes certainly not taking notes hes just vibing

do you know who built him?? his big brother knows everything💕💕 so therefore ortho also knows lots of stuff :))

even takes the tests in that class and gets 90s on each one

all of idias classmates have such a hard time trying not to give the ortho pat pats

except cater he gets free reign because he’s always sitting by idia. they bond over music and ortho introduces synthetic tune ideas for their next club practice

unfortunately now ortho also has to remind cater to pls eat lunch. no, you cant live off on instant ramen and coffee-

freshman are escaped lab subjects and ortho is already pretty violent on his own, so ortho being a violent escaped lab subject is Not A Good Mix

don’t worry though he is very tame just don’t insult his friends

why only his friends? oh, you won’t be alive to insult his brother :)

jk, if you insult his brother you will be stuck on the “verifying file integrity” screen on 98% forever

with a gift of “lauren wants to play ;)” popup ads for life

if you really fucked up his beam is already 80% charged and ready for eradication

tinkers a lot with idia, so you will find some pretty snazzy gadgets in his bag that look straight out of a spy movie

laser pens, glitter bombs, and tracking devices!

the more dangerous gadgets are already programmed into his person, so don’t worry, these gadgets are just toys :D

the other first years get their hands on the pen and graffiti drawings of cr*wley as the princess sofia the first are engraved on the side of the school building

cr*wley does not recognize this as the insult it is, he’s “touched that his students think him worthy of princess status”

Malleus

no proof that he is even on school property

sometimes shows up to his classes, sometimes doesn’t, but it’s enough to guarantee a pass into the next grade

you know those kids that just stick by their mothers? yeah he’s either that with lilia or nowhere at all

once had almost tripped down the stairs and instead of facing that shame he decided to hover down

if you see some random dude hovering around don’t mind him he just Does That

has a notebook to jot down ideas for his next self-published book on gargoyles

he has so many ideas and is so passionate. hes just brimming to the lid with lore someone pls talk to him

casually talking to gao gao dragon and making doodles of his friend. takes him out on walks and shows him all the cool statues

was delighted when you got urself a tamagotchi so gaogao dragon can have a friend

grim is less than amused but knows better than to diss malleus

god forbid you ever be put in a group project with him you will not be able to reach him ever. you get his part in about 3 hours before your presentation.

the rare times he gets to join the dorm leader meetings he spaces out a lot. his head is in the clouds bro

when he’s back on his walks he loves to reiterate to lilia what he saw or what happened. sometimes questions about things he hears. whether lilia gives him a proper answer or not is up for debate

“I believe I saw a rainbow today. We don’t have those back at home, I wonder why that is.”

“There’s a story that the leprechaun fairy lurks at the end of these rainbows searching for a game of tag. Anyone who catches him gets one wish granted.”

“Hm, I’ll have to venture to the end of the rainbow next time to meet this ‘leprechaun fairy’. He would be a wonderful birthday present for Silver.”

Lilia

addresses the teachers by their first names and gets away with it

not because the teachers are okay with it, but because lilia speaks like hes sm older than them. sometimes even the profs feel obligated to call lilia “sir”

the diasomnia dorm members see lilia with a new variation of “#1 best dad” mugs, hats, and shirts every week. he says they’re gifts but who is giving them???

lilias got two pairs of the exact same shoes in two different colours so he can mix and match

lilia also bought two different shoes to mix and match. and by mix and match i mean hes got crocs on his left foot and converse on his right

not like anyone can rlly pay too much attention to it. his shoes are the least of ppls concerns bc hes ALWAYS UPSIDE DOWN

attends silver’s and malleus’ parent teacher interviews as their dad and refuses to take any objections from the staff

accidentally created life during the culinary crucible and jade wanted to keep the crawling little slug of mystery for his terrariums

since that day, lilia has Officially been banned from taking the class again

everyone but lilia is aware of this ban

casually doing assignments while under the influence with full confidence

worst part is is that he gets better grades while doing this bc his sober self is even more nonsensical than his drunk or high self

history class is so funny. it’s like they took the history and made it into a childrens play: censored, skirting around words, along with fake propaganda!

casually drops the craziest lore in history. hes "correcting" trein on his lessons and informing him that the queen of Andalasia was not even from their world. her magic portal connects to a world with dimensions and laws more outlandish than that of the Queen of Hearts

lilia does not clarify which world this is nor how he knows. source: just trust him

knows alumni from way back. these alumni in question have no clue who the hell lilia is

NRC reunions consist of lilia greeting people like they’re friends and the alumni pick apart their brains trying to “remember” this alleged classmate of theirs

Silver

has perfected the technique of silent snoring

it doesn’t matter that there are 4 espresso shots in his cup he’s still zonked out by 3rd period

ofc he tried a method of putting in headphones and playing some metal music but the music was so loud thru his pearpods it was disrupting the class </3

deliberately sits next to kalim to see if his energy can rub off on himself and it worked for the first...30 minutes

yeah, kalim has a lot of energy but you know what he also has? a nice voice. snork mimimimi

he puts in extra effort to stay awake before animal linguistics however

doesn’t really need animal linguistics to understand his critter friends, but the more he learns how to communicate with them, the better, right?

when silver forgets his notes, a few moments later, a bird is delivering the sheets to him

they may not always be the right ones, but awww that’s adorable

always keeps nuts, seeds, and fruit in a little tupperware container for his furry friends <3

very passionate about environmental safety and care. if he catches you littering he will remind you why he’s mastered the art of the sword

attracts so many animals he even attracted this cat beastman. he’s purple! they just started talking and really hit it off

silver doesn’t know his name but leaves notes by his window for him. they keep exchanging notes like penpals :D

sometimes the notes even float towards him and boom, the kitty appears!

only person who knows about his penpal is lilia and lilia is acting so cryptic about the cat’s identity???

silver wonders if he can fit in a locker and he definitely let the intrusive thoughts win bc he climbed inside and closed the gate.

sebek locks the lock for silver to get the “full experience” but it’s been 20 minutes and he doesn’t know how to blast open the locker without hurting silver

honestly tho, it kind of feels like those coffins from orientation. don’t mind him. if he can tune out sebeks voice, the dim lighting and enclosed space feels very comforting in a crib kind of way

Sebek

this goes one or two ways: he shouts the answers instead of putting his hand up or he raises his hand before speaking long after graduating

librarians hate him but he does have marvelous taste in books

he would be fantastic at writing essays because he has so much to say and is very opinionated

english teachers love him, his classmates dont!

sometimes lilia tells sebek stories about the past and his only source was “ive been there” but the “a” in “a. liddel” did not stand for ass. his profs scolded him for saying it. lilia explain pls

hes way too gullible. keep him away from jade

never start anything with "did you know", you will find sebek drinking powerade and monster to test the rumour that you could grow wings if you combined them

took a dare to be handcuffed to jack for the day. the first years blew it up on magicam, its a trending nrc challenge now.

but at least jacks good influence is rubbing off on sebek. hes more mindful of jacks sensitive hearing but that won’t stop him from dragging poor jack around the school looking for malleus

his phone is always going off in class. its not that he doesnt know how to silence it, he needs to keep it on in case of emergencies with malleus😡😡😡

the friend that tells you all your crushes are ugly and out of your league.

he’s had a lifetime of having to see silver’s terrible taste in people

and malleus’ no taste in people, as he should

actually, it’s just his adopted brother that has shit taste in people. up your standards, silver, love at first sight doesn’t exist

personally victimizes scarabia student B for distracting you from your studies

if it’s not jack, sebek is the mom friend

speaking of moms, he bonds with deuce over loving their moms <3. they brag about their moms in the most loving way possible

yells at ace for calling them mamas boys and tells him that he will be struck by lightning on 3:02AM on a thursday

at exactly 3:02AM, he texts ace with something that truly looks like the worst kind of detailed, enhanced vocabulary copypasta imaginable

all ace responded with was a no bitches meme and no sebek hasn’t recovered

#im just going off the wiki to see who shares a class with who #AND SOME PPL WERE DONE SO DIRTY LMAOOO POOR IDIA LEONA AND TREY #highschool or college? no clue so i slapped the two together #lets be honest though college kids are just even more unhinged high schoolers now 10x more broke bc they use their adult money on merch #i can confirm one thing tho i was doin assignments while drinking :D #originally it was yuu then i replaced it with you because yuu is supposed to be the mc but the one playing them is us???#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #riddle rosehearts #trey clover #cater diamond #ace trappola #deuce spade #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl #azul ashengrotto #jade leech #floyd leech #kalim al asim #jamil viper #vil shoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #idia shroud #ortho shroud #malleus draconia #lilia vanrouge #silver vanrouge #whoever had that silver tag last time is a genius. because you are RIGHT.

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