#unsuspecting dad jokes

[dc-comics-enjoyer]

Sometimes, when he's alone with Jason, Bruce slips in a dad joke with a no-one-will-believe-you look at the end. He never speaks of it again for the rest of their interaction. It's a teasing way for Bruce to bond with his son :

-------

(on a stakeout)

Batman, looking through his binoculars : How do ghosts stay in shape ?

Red Hood : what ?

Batman : They exorcise.

Red Hood : ... What just happened ?

-------

(as Jason enters the batcave)

Jason : Yo.

Bruce : You know, I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long.

Jason : o...kay.

Bruce : There was something fishy about that place.

Jason : ...

-------

(Jason, on his way out the front door)

Bruce, appearing on the stairs : Jason, wait. Before you go I wanted to ask you...

Jason : What ?

Bruce : What has five fingers and isn’t your hand ?

Jason : Nope, not this again...

Bruce : My hand.

-------

Dick, walking out and leaving Bruce and Jason in the kitchen : Alright, I'm out.

Bruce - who made sure Dick's gone : Jason, do you know what we call a wizard who’s good with ceramics ?

Jason : Dick, come back...

Bruce : Harry Pottery.

------

(Jason, reading a book in the batcave)

Bruce, passing by : You know, I’m reading a novel where the main character has strained the muscles around his spine.

Jason : What novel is th-

Bruce : That’s his back story.

Jason : Please, never speak to me again.

------

(Jason, lounging on a couch)

Bruce, sneaking in the room : Ah, Jason, do you know what is the best way to catch a fish ?

Jason, unsuspecting : Uh, no.

Bruce : Ask someone to throw it to you.

Jason, accidentally lets out a soft chuckle : ...

Bruce, holding back a smirk : ...

Jason : Oh, fuck off.

[vln-vibes]

Bright Hope, Mighty Will

The Green Lantern Corps have lost many members over its years— a risk that came with maintaining the peace as told by the Guardians. Most of the rings reassigned to a new member of its given sector but on occasion there would come those that were so attached to its wielder that they would not accept another unless they resonated with their predecessors ideals.

It’s one such ring that had been on Oa with no new lantern to wield it. Or it had been.

The Blue Lanterns were still a growing group with whom the Corps had a close alliance thanks to their symbiotic relationship; after all a Blue power ring was at its highest potential when near a Green power ring and vice versa. So why not look for users together?

The rings were set off as a pair in an attempt to create a powerful Union and birthing the most powerful duo either Corps had ever seen.

Meanwhile in Sector 2814, on the third planet from its star— Earth, a small family from the Midwest were camping out in the woods after their youngest begged to see the shooting stars where they’d be the most visible. The oldest child explained to their parents that it was a good way to channel the younger’s passion for space and science much like their own. Everything had been well until the elder duo’s sensors brought up a strange signature from deeper in the wood— Ecto-entities or ghosts as they’d called them. Before being able to drag the children with them the youngest stood his ground and refused to be taken away from his stars, the elder assured that she could take care of her younger brother and that they’d be fine alone (they were alone even when in the same house more often than not)

The sun had since set, the telescope set up, blanket had been laid with snacks for them to consume as they sat in wait with jackets to help with the night chill. The duo sat near the campfire as the younger's anticipation grew but the thought of their parent's absences did as well. They'd been left home alone before but they were only 8 and 10 years old, in the middle of the wilderness with no way to guide them back home or even find where their parent's ghost hunting led them.

"Don't worry little brother, I'm sure mom and dad will be back soon"

"Ye-yeah! Besides mom knows how to kick butt, they'll be fine"

"Look!"

The duo took their gazes to the skies as the twinkling night was accompanied by steaks of white dashing by. The older grabbed her slightly old model camera and took photos of the unsuspecting boy's awe filled gaze before he could complain. He stuck his tongue out at her before turning to his telescope, doing his best to follow the streaks in the sky until no longer visible to him. The girl just took to taking some more photos to show their parents once they'd returned. It'd go on for a while like that, the stars as their only witnesses as they joked around.

"Hey that one's green! And that one's blue!"

She lifted her head from looking at her camera's saved photos to find the twin streaks flying together, a quick click of her camera to save such a strange occasion. She wasn't an astronomy expert but she didn't think shooting stars came in those colors. Taking her gaze off of the small screen and looking back up she noted the bigger size.

"Are they getting closer?"

"Maybe they'll land near here. How cool would it be to see them up close?!"

It was as though those words triggered something as the two stars seemingly stopped flying and began their rapid descent. Straight for them.

"They're headed right for us!"

"Run!"

The duo quickly picked up their discarded flashlights and began running away from the clearing their parents had chosen. No matter how fast or further away they got the stars still trailed towards them. The numerous twists and turns never deterring the streaks of light, even as the elder held the younger's hand in an iron grip to prevent them from losing each other or as the younger turned them around and took haphazard turns in an effort to get them away.

"Everything's gonna be alright!"

She panted as they approached another clearing, no idea where their own was but still looking and seeing the stars much closer to them, the lights were blinding. She felt her body get pushed aside and the roll of cold grass on her back, hair getting tangled with small twigs and a familiar but smaller body land on top of hers.

"Look out!"

They closed their eyes and braced for impact feeling a sudden breeze and a slight shake but nothing else. Until they heard different voices echo. Looking gazes and noticing the glowing eyes the other had they sat up--- only to be met by glowing, floating ----rings?

[Sentience located]

[Daniel James Fenton of Earth, you have been chosen]

[Jasmine Dahlia Fenton of Earth, you have been chosen]

[You have the ability to Overcome great fear]

[You have the ability to instill great Hope]

[Welcome to the Green Lantern Corps]

[Welcome to the Blue Lantern Corps]

A bright flash of blue and green surrounded the duo, hands still clasped and feeling a tug on their unoccupied hands, the warmth traveling on their bodies before disappearing altogether.

"Jazz what are you wearing?"

"What am I wearing!? What are you wearing Danny? Is that your old astronaut costume?"

Jazz noted the blue ring on top of her opera gloved right hand, also clenching the handle of a blue lit lantern? She could feel her knee length puffy blue dress move with the night breeze but didn't feel cold. White boots with blue bottoms kicked a pebble to the side, hearing it hit the nearby lake. Given the full moon she took a gaze at her reflection, finding her usual teal ribbon replaced by a giant blue bow at the back of her head and her eyes glowing a brilliant blue.

Danny was busy looking at his green suit, looking much like the costume he wore in a near daily basis when he was five until he started school. His own white gloves had puffier cuffs which reminded him of the astronaut costumes he and Tucker had looked at online for Halloween the year before, green ring also on his right, shaking the green weird lamp in the process. He pulled at the black suspenders before joining Jazz at the lake. His raven locks now had a single green streak near his bangs and icy blues now a vivid green.

"Cool"

Jazz was panicking, wondering what this could mean; what was a Blue Lantern anyway? Why did it choose her? And why was Danny green?

"Whoa!" Her glowing eyes turned to Danny but couldn't find him, hearing the sudden clatter of something falling on the floor and seeing the lantern rolling on its side, had he fallen in the water?!

"Danny!"

"Up here!" her eyes widened as he little brother flew above her, laughing as he looped around in the air, "C'mon Jazz!"

"How did you do that?" her eyes never leaving the faintly green glowing boy, "Can I do that?"

[You can. Just have Hope]

Trusting the voice in her head she reassured herself that they would be fine before feeling the ground disappear from under her feet and got closer to Danny, dropping her own lantern next to Danny's. She felt her surprise turn into a smile before doing a cartwheel in the air and the giggles escape from her.

Neither took track of time as they flew above the clearing before Danny had the idea to race above the lake, streak of blue and green reflected on its surface as it rippled from their speed. It wasn't until they flew back to the clearing that they remembered--- they had no idea where they ran off to. There hadn't been a lake where they'd set up camp.

"Mo-mom and dad will find us Danny! We'll be okay" They had to be okay, they would be fine. The idea of flying above the trees to look for their clearing was tempting but she had no idea how long it would take; did these things run on batteries? Would the power run out soon? Can they even take off these outfits? It'd be weird to be stuck like this for forever. If mom and dad find them what will they think of the glowing? It reminded her a bit too much of how the ectoplasm in the basement glowed whenever she or Danny were dragged downstairs and the substance covered near all the surfaces (that's when they'd know dad was making them clean up)

Whilst Jazz marinated in her thoughts and worries Danny couldn't help but think if there was a way to ask for help, though even if they had phones he doubted they'd even have service or know how to guide help towards them.

[Activating Emergency Beacon for Sector 2814]

"Huh? Emergency beacon?"

"What was that Danny?" Jazz snapped out of her thoughts as she heard his confusion, noting the slight pulsing now coming from his ring.

"I-I think my ring asked for help?"

"...Let's hope that's a good thing "

The brother-sister duo took to sitting by the lake once more, still viewing the stars above and keeping an ear out for any sign of their parents--- they were never quiet for too long. Especially when 'ghost-hunting', not that ghosts actually existed.

They were starting to get hungry again, having not touched their assorted snacks before the whole fiasco began when a steak of green, followed by another, approached the horizon. The first stopped, the second following suit... Were they like them? It looked like two people flying now that they weren't moving so fast. They were too far to properly see but it looked like they were searching for something.

Danny's ring flared up in quick brilliant flash before going back to its blinking; it seemed that was the cue the two in the sky were looking for as they made their way towards them.

"I think that's our ride Jazzy"

The duo finally hovered above the lake shore, the surprise clear on their faces even as one had a mask on.

"Hello, I am Green Lantern John Stewart of Sector 2814" the first man with matching vivid green eyes like Danny elbowed the man next to him.

"Uhh and I'm Green Lantern Hal Jordan of Sector 2814" he said sheepishly, running his white gloved hand through brown locks of hair. "You're the ones who send the distress call, what sector are you from?"

"Sector?" the duo looked at each other confused before Jazz remembered what the rings had said. "I- I think they said 2814?"

The duo looked surprised, disbelief easily conveyed even though Mr. Jordan's mask, actually he seemed more surprised than Mr. Stewart. "I'm sorry but what planet are you from?"

"Earth? I mean its not like--- Are aliens real!?" Danny's wariness disappeared and hovered in the air as he said it, "That's so cool!"

"You two are Earth children then" Mr. Stewart's eyes gained a dark look as he said so, "How long have you had the rings?"

"Umm I'm not really sure" Danny turned to his sister for guidance only to find her rubbing her arm nervously "Maybe an hour or two?"

Mr. Jordan's look matched Mr. Stewart's, like they were mad but they didn't seem mad at them like the teachers would when they caught him and Tucker talking during class. It was like whenever mom and dad's inventions malfunction and they'd go to school with bruises. (Those days mom and dad would mention their teachers calling them, they were always busy with the portal and never answered)

"Do you know what those are?" Mr. Jordan bent down to Danny's level, pointing at the matching green ring. Danny looked at his and wiggled his fingers.

"Not really? The voice said welcome to the Green Lantern cops?"

"Close, little man" Mr. Jordan chuckled, "My friend and I are part of the Green Lantern Corps. We help protect the universe, pretty much space cops if ya ask me"

"You get to travel into space! Awesome!" Danny literally brightened as his green glow intensified. "But why isn't hers green?"

"Your friend is actually part of the Blue Lantern Corps. They're a little different from us but we work together from time to time. They like to spread hope throughout the universe"

"Hope. It said I had the power to instill great hope. But why me? And why did they choose him?" her voice wavered as she turned to Mr. Stewart with a grave lookin his eyes.

"That... That is something neither of us can answer for you" he admitted, a solemn lookin his eyes as he placed a hand on her shoulder, "But we'll do our best to help you two with this"

"Its unprecedented for either Corps to choose children" Mr.Jordan frowned before looking towards Danny again, "What are you two doing in the middle of the woods?"

"I wanted to see the stars" Danny admitted sheepishly, all of this started from his request to their parents. They wouldn't be in this mess if he just watched from home like always, heck Mr. and Mrs.Foley had offered to take Danny and Tucker camping once school let out if he wanted to (but no he couldn't wait a month, he needed them now). "So mom and dad brought us camping but then the stars--- the rings started chasing us and we got lost"

"That must of been scary huh guys?" Mr.Jordan gave a look to Mr.Stewart and the man walked away a bit, placing a finger into his ear and whispering. How weird.

"So you guys are siblings?" he turned to Jazz, she just nodded slowly, took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. She kept rubbing the blue ring on her hand as she did. "Do you guys mind telling me your name?'

Jazz still had that worried look in her eyes, like when she knew the turkey would come back to life in any second but mom kept saying it'd be fine. (Jazz was always right, it was always the same every Christmas). His sister liked to think she was a grown up and didn't get nervous talking with strangers but she was still a kid like him. He would be brave for Jazz!

"I'm Danny and that's my big sis Jazz"

"Its nice to meet you two, or well at least know your names now?"

"Jordan"

"Hold right there"

The two adults just kept talking in whispers, looking back at them every few seconds, Jazz wasn't sure what to make of them but they were the ones who knew the most about the situation. Danny also had a pretty good sense for people and they seemed friendly but she also knew better than to trust complete strangers. Stranger danger was very much ingrained to them at a young age. Jazz knew it was rude but couldn't help but hear Mr.Jordan's outburst of "Seriously, nothing? Its been hours"

It seemed like forever before the adults came back and gave them strained smiles in turn.

"Well kids we're going to help you guys find your camp and make sure you get back to your parents" Mr.Jordan winked.

"We'll also explain more about the rings and what they mean while we wait. Sounds like a plan?" Mr. Stewart made sure to look at them in the eyes and didn't move until they both nodded in agreement.

"Okay"

The brother-sister duo didn't know what they were getting into when they went camping that day but everything was in motion, a new path diverging in time to create a brilliant new future; tragedy, love, and courage would always be on their path no matter how much he'd tried to avoid, it was inevitable. He could only witness as they embarked on this journey together and bring about the Rebirth with allies at their sides.

And he couldn't wait to meet them again, in due time.

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Madison: No way. Penny: Way. Madison: Oh my god, no wonder he’s so weird. Harry: His dad’s swimmers were probably pissed, like. Titus: Hurrr, where’s the egg again? Bianca: Ew. Madison: Hey, Robin! Can we borrow some of your dad’s liquor for the weekend?! Aster: Guys, c’mon. Madison: What? [various exaggerated glugging noises – laughter] Penny: Take the silence as a no then, Mutey?! Aster: That kinda stuff isn’t exactly funny-.. if it’s even true. Penny: It’s a joke, Aster.. lighten up. Levi: Yeah, what’re you.. the joke police? Aster: You’re just being tight for the sake of it at this point, give him a break. Madison: Booooo, you’re no fun today. Levi: Did you finally start your fucking period? Penny: Awhhh does Aster need a tampon? Titus: I bet Maddy’s got some extra wide ones. Madison: Oh my god-.. I DO NOT! [hysterical laughter] Madison: SHUT UP! … Mr Ashwood: Where are you off to? Lunch is almost over… [Robin ignored Mr Ashwood, whom he usually found quite benign, lest he burst into tears or unleash his boiling rage upon the poor, unsuspecting member of staff-.. he wasn’t the one that deserved it] Mr Ashwood: You can’t leave in the middle of the day-.. Robin! [Robin longed to say watch me, but his stupid mouth refused to cooperate with his stupid brain, leaving him no choice but to force the entirety of his frustration through his legs and into his pedals instead] Mr Ashwood: Don’t think I won’t call your parents, ‘cause I will!

[icycoldninja]

the DMC boys (Dante, Vergil, Nero, V) finding out reader is pregnant???

Sparda boys + V x Pregnant!Fem!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-Freaks the hell out--not out of disappointment or anger or anything like that, but out of excitement.

-Immediately starts researching dad jokes so he and Vergil can have a "dad-off" to see who can be cornier.

-Also helps you decorate and stuff, giggling and laughing the entire time.

-Talks a lot about his plans for the baby; how he wants to be a better dad than his was, how he wants to prepare it for demon hunting, and how he wants to train it to insult Vergil on sight.

-He's also got a whole-ass list of pranks to pull with the baby prepared, from chucking water balloons at your unsuspecting neighbors to TP-ing the neighborhood houses.

-Other than that clearly childish mischief, Dante's already rocking the "middle aged dad" vibes so he'll do fine.

■ Vergil ■

-His first thought was: "Oh no, not again."

-Vergil was legitimately afraid of having another child after what happened with Nero and his unknown mother, however, you managed to convince him that this would be different and that you wouldn't be going anywhere.

-Vergil had a lot of nightmares and troubled dreams the next few weeks. Though his heart wanted to believe you, his damaged mind had other plans, which it revealed to him in the form of horrible visions.

-With your help, and a lot of time, he got over these dark thoughts and began to see the light in having another child.

-Though he wouldn't dare speak it aloud, Vergil was convinced that the baby would reunite the Sparda family once and for all: Nero would finally have a sibling whom he'd want to visit, allowing Vergil to spend more time with his son, and since he, Nero, and the new baby would all be together, Dante would naturally join in and the boys could be bros again.

-After having that revelation, Vergil became noticeably more excited for the baby's birth.

□ Nero □

-Nero is excited but terrified.

-He's more than happy to learn you're expecting, but since he's so young, he's worried he won't make a good dad. You'd think he'd ask his parents for help, but no...he never knew his mom and his dad is less than pleasant.

-So, what does he do? Nothing. He puts his hood up and sits on the couch, doing nothing in tense silence.

-After an hour or so of brooding, he decides, fuck it, he's gonna wing it and be the best dad the Sparda bloodline will ever see.

-He proudly announces this fact over dinner at Devil May Cry, eliciting mixed responses, particularly from the soon-to-be-grandpa.

-You and Nero will be excellent parents who raise a happy, healthy child, he'll see to that.

● V ●

-Doesn't even know what being pregnant means, and can you really blame him? The only piece of literature he's ever read is William Blake's poetry, it's a miracle he can tie his shoes. Oh wait, he wears sandals.

-Griffon knows, somehow, and explains what it is. The minute the realization dawns upon him is the minute his eyes widen, his mouth drops open, and he nearly passes out.

-A baby, a real life baby is brewing gestating in your tummy and it's his?! He helped make life!? What?!

-V is ecstatic! He can't wait to read this baby bedtime stories, sing it lullabies, and rock it to sleep.

-Even his familiars are preparing; Griffon is ready to give it a light show with his magic and Shadow keeps bringing dead birds as gifts.

-V might be a complete noob when it comes to living life, but hey, so is your baby, so they can figure things out together.

[terrible-eel]

So here's a story I wasn't going to tell, but it's escalated so far I might as well share.

My mom's car is an old Ford Explorer with an excellent radio. When I was 13 and I really wanted to chill I would go into that car and blast my CDs. It was pure bliss.

Until my Queen's Greatest Hits CD got stuck in the CD player.

So that just became a fact of life. If the radio was set to CD, whatever Queen song I was playing would blast until my dad would aggressively switch it to the radio because he just wanted some variety in his life.

(For a long time starting the car would sound specifically like BICYCLE! BICYCLE! and then "Fuck!" followed by desperately slamming the radio button because if you switched it fast enough the CD would rewind just enough to play the part of the song you just listened to, thus repeating the cycle.)

Then I met the love of my life and he *begged* me to read Good Omens. (Which was nearly impossible during high-school since I'm so dyslexic.) Finally I got around to it in my 20s. When I finally read it I said to myself: "What a very specific problem Crowley has. I thought I was the only one."

Through my young adult life I would switch on Queen whenever I wanted to drive the car around. It was a little joke between my boyfriend and I.

But now Good Omens has gotten insanely popular and way more people are going to know about that little joke.

And Queens Greatest Hits is still impossibly jammed in my mom's car.

Except starting a few weeks ago, it's no longer my mom's car.

She just sold it to some unsuspecting family.

With no report of what's to come.

@neil-gaiman and @basuralindo I hope you enjoy

[shakespeareanwannabe]

As You Wish, Chapter 16

Summary: When arriving at Camp Silver Star, Abby Floyd was anticipating a summer of adventure with an ocean separating her from the three people she loved most: her mom, her Uncle Bob and her Aunt Natasha. But after a run in with Charlie Seresin, an extremely familiar looking and irritating camper in a different cabin, her summer plans take a turn that neither girl ever could have expected.

Trigger Warnings: reader's children are described as being blond with green eyes because genetics are wild and Jake's genes are strong, reader is canonically Bob's sister (but biological relation is never discussed), reader goes by Buttercup and is tattooed, references to sex and sexual acts (but nothing is explicit), drinking, longing, reference to divorce, kids doing sneaky things, references to pregnancy and hormones

Jake’s Apartment, Coronado, almost 13 years ago

“Fucking rain,” Jake mumbled, navigating his truck into the closest parking spot he could to the front door of his apartment complex. Beside him, wrapped in a beach towel and soaked to the bone, Buttercup giggled, watching the rain stream down the windshield.

“It’s fine, baby.” She reached over to run a soothing hand through his damp hair. “Not even you can control the weather.”

“Maybe, but I promised you a picnic and now I’m a man who can’t keep his promises.” Jake parked the truck and looked at her. “I never break my promises, Buttercup.”

“Shh, baby, I know,” she grinned at him, gently running her nails over his scalp and the back of his neck. “But nothing says we can’t have a picnic in your apartment.”

“With what food?” Most of the food he had prepared had been opened and gotten rained on when dark clouds had moved surprisingly quickly over the ocean and released their downpour upon the unsuspecting beachgoers. “The only thing that didn’t get ruined is dessert.”

“So?” Buttercup giggled at his forlorn expression. “Our little ones are kinda craving one of Daddy’s grilled cheese sandwiches now anyway.”

At that, Jake’s expression melted. He still couldn’t believe it. Twins. He was gonna be a dad to twins, and what was even better? His Buttercup was their mom. They had found out less than a month ago, and yet everything had changed. All his extra cash was going towards finding a house for them, save for the money he had tucked away for this special occasion. He’d put in all the necessary paperwork with the top brass so that they could do their damndest not to deploy him around her due date and afterwards. Jake Seresin had never thought about being a father, but now that it was happening, he was going to do everything in his power to be the best father he possibly could be to the two little lives he and Buttercup were bringing into the world.

“Alright,” he sighed, reaching down to grab the umbrella he had stashed there. “I suppose I can do that for Mama and our nuggets.”

“Mama and our nuggets thank you, Daddy,” she grinned, moving to open her door.

“Wait, wait,” he huffed, sliding out of his truck and racing over to her side to open her door, popping the umbrella open so that she wouldn’t get any wetter than she already was. “There. Now, let’s get inside before you melt, sugar.”

Buttercup groaned. “That was terrible, baby.”

“What? I’m gonna be a dad. I’m allowed to make dad jokes.” Even six months ago, he wouldn’t have been caught dead making lame jokes like Rooster or Payback, but Buttercup really had changed him.

Shaking her head, Buttercup grabbed the picnic basket and followed him into the apartment complex, leaning into his side as they rode the elevator up to his floor.

Once safe inside, both raced to get changed. Buttercup grabbed one of Jake’s Navy T-shirts and a pair of his gym shorts before going into the bathroom to change and fix her hair. Once the door closed completely, Jake took the small velvet box out of his jeans pocket and put it safely on the dresser before changing into a pair of grey sweatpants and a gym tank, then safely tucked the box into his pocket again.

“Darlin’, I’m gonna go get started on those sandwiches!” he called.

“Wait!” Buttercup emerged, looking playfully disappointed in him. “House rules, baby. You need me with you.”

He grinned and wiggled his fingers at her. “C’mon then. Those babies aren’t gonna wait all day.”

Buttercup followed him into the kitchen where he gently lifted her onto the countertop next to the stove. He kissed her once, twice, then bent to kiss the barely there bump of her abdomen, before gathering all the necessary materials to make grilled cheese.

As he cooked, they talked. About everything. The babies, work, her brother, his family, their friends. Jake couldn’t remember a time he had talked so much, laughed so much. He’d always reveled in his solitude, excepting maybe Javy, who had been with him for so long that he wasn’t an intrusion to his peace. But Buttercup made him crave her presence. He could barely make it through a day without her, and he had no clue how he would manage when he was deployed again. He wanted to be around her always, which was partially why he had that velvet box in his pocket.

Jake plated up the sandwiches and, before he could warn her, she had scooped one up and taken a big bite.

“Hot!” she screeched. “Hot, hot, hot!”

Jake couldn’t help but laugh. “Every time, darlin’. You do it every time.” He waved his hand in front of her mouth, wafting away the steam.

“And every time it’s worth it,” she grinned at him, and he felt something shift in his stomach.

“Oh yeah? What else is worth it?”

She tilted her head quizzically but shrugged. “Taking showers with you even though it takes us twice as long to get ready. Getting up with you at freaking balls a.m. so you can head to early morning flight exercises, just so I can get my morning kiss and see you before you leave for the day. Putting up with your stubborn, arrogant ass because that stubborn, arrogant ass is so damn fine.” She giggled as she spanked him lightly. “I don’t know, Jake. Everything about you and me feels pretty damn worth it.”

He swallowed down his nerves, his stomach feeling as thought he had just hit Mach speed. “Yeah? So worth it that you might want to do it forever?”

Buttercup blinked at him, tears welling in her eyes. “Are you asking?”

Hand slightly shaking, Jake pulled the velvet blue box out of his pocket and held it at her eye level. “Buttercup, I think I’ve loved you since the moment you tapped me out at the 32nd Street Naval Station four months ago. Ever since that day, you’ve made me a better man. I’m a better teammate because you taught me how to deal with people and put my ego aside. I’m a better aviator because I want to come home to you. I’m a better friend because you’ve shown me what true friendship is. And I hope I’ve become a man who deserves you not only now, but 50 years in the future when we’re both old and grey. I’m not asking you this because you’re carrying my babies. I’m asking you this because I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me. So, darlin’, do you think it would be worth it to marry me?”

To her credit, Buttercup didn’t even look down at the glimmering diamond ring shining in the box. No, her tear-filled eyes were trained solely on him, filled with love and wonder.

“Yeah, baby,” her voice trembled. “I think marrying you, Jake Seresin, would be so worth it.”

Jake laughed, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. Now wasn’t the time to cry. “As you wish, darlin’.” Jake pulled the ring out of the box and fitted it onto her finger with a deep kiss, everything else fading away.

Seresin Ranch, Clifton, Texas, Now

“You want to go back?” Buttercup couldn’t keep the panic from her voice. She’d been relieved beyond a shadow of a doubt when she had discovered that Jake had retired from the Navy, that Charlie had her dad home with her 24/7/365. But he wanted to go back? She shook her head. She should have known better than to trust that he was home for good. Jake loved flying, more than anything else in the world. He only gave it up because Charlie was a baby. Now that she was older, he could go back.

“Buttercup, please…”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you wanted to go back?” she asked sharply, finally turning around to meet his stare.

Jake felt a flame alight in his chest and he shot back, “I didn’t think I owed you an explanation.”

Buttercup blinked, shrinking back from him slightly to lean against the counter. “You’re right…” she whispered. “After the divorce, you don’t owe me anything. We only owe everything to our children. Do they know?”

Jake sighed, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand. “No, they don’t know. Nobody knows.”

Buttercup’s chest felt like it was going to cave in, though from grief or anger, she wasn’t sure. “Right…great…”

Jake took off his baseball cap and fiddled with the brim in an uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability. “Look, I didn’t mean what I said. You deserve an explanation, I just…” his voice trailed off, and Buttercup suddenly had a vision of a teenage Jake, trying and failing to get himself out of trouble with his parents. She wasn’t used to fumbling, nervous Jake. She was more used to brash, bold, arrogant Hangman. She had fallen for both sides of him, but now the shyer, quieter side of him was just in her way.

“Just what?” Buttercup tapped her foot impatiently. “You just didn’t want to tell me? You just didn’t think I’d care?”

“I never thought you’d find out!” he nearly growled, slamming his hat down on the counter and stepping towards her, not as an intimidation tactic, she realized, but so that she could see the earnestness in his eyes. “Yes, I put some feelers out to see what it would take to go back in six years. Why? Because in six years, Charlie plans to go to California to study veterinary medicine. When Charlie graduates high school, Rooster is planning on moving to Austin and opening his own restaurant. Javy’s already got college recruiters sniffing around. Not the players, but him. They want him to go coach college level ball if the Cougars keep doing well, which they will because he’s a damn good coach. Louisiana State is keeping their eye on him, and he’s pretty keen on going. Within six years, this place is gonna be empty, and it sure doesn’t need me to run it. Cathy and Cliff, our ranch managers, do a better job of running the joint than I ever could. All they need me for is signing the checks.” Jake’s chest heaved. “You’re across an ocean giving TED Talks and having your books turned into movies, and I’m sitting here on my ass, twiddling my thumbs. Flying is the only thing I could see myself doing again, so when I met General Beaumont on the golf course, I mentioned it to him. He told me to talk it out with his daughter, Savannah, and that if she thought I was worth his time, he might be willing to pull some strings and get me back in.” Jake’s eyes were wide, almost begging her to understand. “I don’t regret retiring when I did. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Hell, I’d do it sooner if I thought it meant keeping our family together. But now…I don’t know, sweetheart, when I was faced with the prospect of being an empty nester, I panicked. I don’t know if I want to go back or what I’ll do in six years, but I didn’t want you to find out until I was sure, and I sure as hell didn’t want you to find out through Simpson.” Jake met her gaze, the forest green sparkling as they revealed to her how sincere he was being. “Can you say something? Please?” he murmured, taking a step closer.

“I…”

“Mum? Dad?”

Buttercup nearly groaned in relief. Jake had just laid everything bare at her feet, and she didn’t know how to respond, though she knew that she had to, so Abby’s interruption was a welcome relief.

“Yeah, babe?” she called back, peeking around Jake’s shoulder to see her daughter standing at the French doors, Charlie a few feet behind her.

“We want to go in the pool again, but Reuben and Maryanne said we needed to ask you for permission first.”

Buttercup sighed, but it was Jake who responded. “Sure thing, kiddo. I’ll be right there to watch you.”

Abby nodded, peering at them suspiciously before closing the doors behind her.

“Jake, I—”

“It’s alright, Buttercup,” his grin wasn’t as wide or as bright as it had been in the recent days. “Just promise me we can talk about this later?” She couldn’t help but nod. “Alright. Thank you. I’ll go keep an eye on the kids, okay?”

She nodded, unable to meet his eyes. “I’ll clean up the mess we made so that nobody slips and breaks their neck.”

“Thank you.” He nodded and left, swinging the double doors closed behind him as Buttercup grabbed a towel and crouched behind the island.

Her mind was spinning, and she forced herself to take a few calming breaths, just like her yoga instructor always told them. Jake wanted to go back to the Navy…but he didn’t. He said that he would’ve gotten out of the Navy earlier if it would have kept their family together, but he hadn’t. He didn’t seem to know what he wanted, and who could blame him? They’d been forced into this situation by two blackmailing almost-12-year-old girls. It wasn’t like he had looked her up or she had searched for him. Perhaps if they had sought each other out, it would feel different, but, as it was, she didn’t know how to feel either.

Buttercup sighed and continued mopping up the remnants of their water war when she heard the double doors click open.

“…would you just slow down and talk to me?” That was Javy’s voice, more desperate than she had ever heard him.

“Talk to you about what?” Natasha’s voice was a mere hiss.

“This! Us! How you can’t even look me in the eye? How you’re so angry I’m a little surprised there’s not legit steam coming out of your ears right now? Take your pick!”

Natasha growled in frustration. “Of course, I’m angry! You fucking proposed to me while I was lying, half blind in a hospital bed!”

“I was trying to show you that I was all in!” Javy huffed. “Your career was coming to an end, we’d talked before about how scared we both were of something bad happening, and I wanted to show you that I’d stick with you, no matter what!”

Natasha scoffed. “We’d only been hooking up for like three months! What made you think that asking me to marry you was a good idea?”

Javy was quiet for a moment. “Is that all it was to you? Hooking up?”

Buttercup heard the telltale sound of Natasha’s feet shuffling on the hardwood. “Well…yeah? Because that’s what it was, right?”

Javy loosed a scornful chuckle. “Wow…sure, Phoenix. If that’s what you want to call it, then fine. We were only hooking up.”

Natasha scoffed again. “Well, what would you call it? We never went out.”

“Because we were always going out as a group.”

“Well, we never said we were exclusive.”

Buttercup could practically hear Javy roll his eyes. “We spent every moment of every day together, Phoenix. I’d say that’s pretty exclusive. And I never saw you take anyone else home with you on our night’s out.”

“What? Were you stalking me, you creep?”

“I noticed everything you did because I was so fucking in love with you that I couldn’t stand it!” Javy shouted. “And I was clearly an idiot for thinking that we were on the same page!”

Phoenix’s breath stuttered in the silence. “Y-yeah, well…if you loved me so damn much, then why did you disappear after I turned you down?”

“Oh, forgive me for taking a few days to lick my wounds,” Javy’s sarcasm bit into the air the way the floorboards were biting into Buttercup’s knees and palms. If they didn’t quit arguing soon, she was going to need to stand, and that would just lead to more questions that she didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to answer. “You said no, screamed at me to fuck off, and went AWOL the second they discharged you. You didn’t even come to Mav’s funeral. I got the message loud and clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. Besides, Jake needed a hand with Charlie, so I followed him back here, just like you followed Buttercup to London.”

Natasha went quiet for a moment before murmuring. “Bob brought me to London. I wasn’t doing too hot on my own, depressed and shit after the accident, and Bob got worried, so he dragged me to London with them. Got me and Buttercup help and helped take care of Abby.” Natasha sniffed. “I woulda called once I was feeling better, but I figured you hated me, so I never bothered.”

Javy sighed. “I get it. We can’t change the past…but do you think you can stop biting my head off?”

“Yeah…okay.”

“Thank you…” Javy’s flipflops squeaked against the floor as he started for the door. “And Buttercup, you can get up now. Jake and the girls are looking for you.” The doors clicked shut and Natasha sighed before leaning around the island and leaning down to offer her friend a hand.

It was a testament to their friendship that Natasha didn’t comment on her predicament, instead opting to ask, “You good?”

Buttercup sighed as she stretched to her full height. “No. You?”

Natasha sighed and grabbed a beer. “Fuck no. Now c’mon. Your girls want s’mores.”

Despite the earlier argument, Buttercup’s sides hurt from laughing and her cheeks hurt from smiling by the time the sun started to set, bringing with it a rain shower that sent them all running into the living room. Hondo and Cyclone bowed out then, as did Penny and Amelia, both duos having early flights home in the morning. Payback and Maryanne ushered Richard and their daughter, Peggy, back to their cabin not long after, both kids yawning their protest as their parents bade their friends goodnight.

Rooster had drifted over to the piano at some point and was playing a soothing melody that matched the peaceful ambiance of the room. Javy and Buttercup were chatting quietly in the corner, while Jake, Fanboy and Natasha had convened on the couch.

Charlie and Abby were flaked out on the floor, watching the rain lash at the windows. Things had been weird ever since their dad had come back outside to watch them in the pool. He’d seemed quieter than normal, maybe even a bit sad, and when their mom had come out, she’d acted the same way. Now, they were in separate corners of the room, and that just wouldn’t do.

Charlie elbowed her sister lightly and nodded over at Rooster. The message was clear: Follow my lead.

“Hey, Uncle Roo…”

Rooster gazed at them over the rims over his glasses. “What do you want?” It wasn’t said unkindly, but it was said in a tone that screamed, “I know you want something so spit it out”.

“What was that song you used to play to help me sleep?” Charlie smiled sweetly.

“Why?” Rooster furrowed his brows at her.

“Well…you used to play it at the Hard Deck, right?”

Rooster nodded and Abby jumped in. “Don’t you think it would be fun if you played it right now? Y’know, for old times sake?”

Rooster’s gaze flitted between them. “Whatever scheme you two are trying to pull, I ain’t buying it.”

“No scheme!” they chorused, fingers crossed behind their backs. “We just thought it would be a nice way to end the evening.”

Rooster rolled his eyes and shifted his fingers, not believing them for one second, but they were his nieces and he was their uncle. If he wasn’t willing to do stupid shit for them, who was he supposed to do it for?

He banged out a few notes with practiced ease and started to sing. “You shake my nerves, and you rattle my brain!”

The adults immediately perked up, Javy cheering as Natasha and Fanboy started to sing along. Charlie and Abby raced to the carpet, dancing to the playful melody. As they twisted in each other’s arms, they could see their father peering hopefully in their mother’s direction, but she kept her eyes resolutely on her daughters. That is until a few beats later, when Buttercup glanced over at Jake, who was cheering along with Natasha and Javy. The girls sighed again as the song began to fade to an end too soon, but Rooster clearly had the same idea they did. He finished Great Balls of Fire with a bang before transitioning into something quieter, more romantic.

Javy and Fanboy “oooohed” loudly while Natasha shot Rooster a knowing look before elbowing Jake in the ribs.

Chuckling to himself, Jake stood and strode over to Buttercup, holding his hand out to her. “C’mon darlin’,” they heard him murmur before pulling their mother to her feet. “For old times sake.”

Buttercup found herself folding into Jake’s embrace like she had never left it. They’d always fit together like two puzzle pieces, his hand feeling at home at the base of her spine and her head fitting perfectly into the space between his neck and shoulder. His breath in her ear was the white noise she had been missing from her life, and tears welled unbidden in her eyes. This is what she had always wanted for herself. A sweet man (stubborn and arrogant as all hell, but kind in his soul and always towards her), children she adored, friends who were more like family, a career she loved. She’d had it all and thrown it away, and now she was getting a taste of what life might have been like if she’d been able to keep herself together.

She felt so safe in his arms. She always had; from the moment they had met. Even when everyone around her was telling her she was moving too fast with him, it had never occurred to her to slow down or stop. She’d felt safer with him than she ever had in her life and knew he would never hurt her. And to his credit, he never had. She’d gotten pregnant so quickly and he had never balked, never once taken a step back to consider things. He had only embraced her, proposed to her, planned their life together…and she had thrown it all away. She had been the one to hurt him. And now he was holding her so tight, like she was the most precious thing in his life, so willing to open himself up to be hurt again. It made her chest ache with longing to just take that step and let herself be safe with him again. But how could she? They wouldn’t be the only ones to get hurt this time. The girls…how could she be selfish and risk potentially hurting them?

She sighed and burrowed her face into his shoulder as they swayed, feeling him tighten his grip around her waist. She could allow herself a moment of selfishness. One dance wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Damn Rooster, Buttercup thought to herself as she tossed and turned in her bed later that night. He had just had to go and play the song they had danced to on their wedding night. It hadn’t even been a song they had picked; it was just the first slow song that had played at the bar they had gone to after Elvis had declared them married. Now she was too keyed up to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Jake holding his hand out to her, asking her to dance. His face, his eyes, his smile all haunted her as she tried to rest.

They had been so happy when they got married, despite it being a shotgun wedding in Vegas. She’d been so elated to be Mrs. Seresin that she had practically floated around for weeks after. But then reality just had to set back in, and with it came deployments and work and arguments and baby appointments and then her post-partum depression, and it had fallen apart as quickly as they had built it.

Buttercup rolled over again with a groan and thumped her pillow. She was just making herself upset. She needed to calm down. Perhaps she had been in England for too long, but she felt the need for a cup of tea. Tea was good. Tea was soothing. Tea would send her to dreamland where she wouldn’t bemoan all the mistakes she had made with her ex-husband.

Buttercup slid out of bed and slipped on her slippers before treading quietly out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen, where a dim light was shining. Peeking her head in, she saw Jake rummaging around in the fridge.

“Oh,” she murmured before she could stop herself. Without Nat and Maryanne there to bust her chops about it, she could admit that she was enjoying the view of his bare sculpted torso, his ass and thighs clad in a pair of gym shorts. He hadn’t changed much in the last decade. He still had the chiseled muscles and toned arms and legs. Perhaps he was a touch softer in places from age, but Buttercup certainly wasn’t complaining. It looked good on him.

“Hey Buttercup,” Jake greeted softly, well aware that it was 3 a.m. and the rest of the house was sleeping. His eyes roamed over her softly, taking in the oversized T-shirt and boxer shorts she wore, and he gulped. How was it possible that she looked better in this sleep ensemble than she had in her bikini? That wasn’t how that was supposed to work, and yet, for her, it did. “Couldn’t sleep?”

She shook her head, crossing her arms over her torso, all too aware that she was bare under her shirt and that parts of her sagged more than they did 12 years ago. “I was gonna make myself a cup of tea.”

A chuckle escaped Jake’s lips unbidden. “You sound like a real Brit, you know that?”

She felt blood rush to her cheeks in embarrassment, but shrugged and said, “I’ve been there for over a decade, Jake. Besides, if there’s one thing that the Brit’s have gotten right, it’s that tea really does cure everything. Insomnia, bad news, a bad day, heartbreak, awkward run-ins with an ex.”

Jake nodded slowly, a small understanding smile creeping onto his lips. “I’m having a bit of insomnia myself, but I was going to use the good ol’Hangman cure instead of tea.” He showed her the stack of cheese, butter, and sliced turkey that he had gathered in his arms. “Care to join me?” He laid the products on the counter and pulled a fresh loaf of bread towards him while Buttercup stared, mouth watering. “Buttercup?” He grinned at the look on her face.

“I haven’t had a grilled cheese in…well, probably since you made one for me,” she admitted in a quiet voice, remembering how his sandwiches were one of the things she had craved most while pregnant.

“Well, now that just won’t do.” His smile was teasing as he nodded his head towards the countertop. “Why don’t you take a seat and keep me company while the master gets to work?” Buttercup moved towards one of the island stools, but Jake shook his head. “C’mon now, darlin’, you know the rules.” He patted a bare patch of countertop space next to the stove. “Gotta have you close to keep me company.”

She felt her skin go hot to the touch with hesitancy and embarrassment. “Jake…don’t you think we’re both a little old to be sitting on countertops?”

Jake looked at her with fond exasperation and patted the countertop again. “There’s nothing old about us, darlin’. Besides, you don’t want me burning our sandwiches because I keep turning around to talk to you, do you?”

“Easy fix. Don’t turn around to talk to me.” She leaned against the island and watched him roll his eyes at her, trying to figure out how to get his way. Beautiful, stubborn pain in the ass.

“How am I supposed to do that when you’re so damn beautiful in my old Top Gun shirt?” he smirked, recognizing the logo now that she wasn’t cloaked in shadow. Buttercup could have sworn her heart stopped. She hadn’t even realized that it was his old shirt. At some point in their marriage, it had become her shirt and she had never stopped using it. Not that she would admit that to him. Nor would she admit that, in the early days of being divorced, she would wear it to sleep just to feel like he was wrapped around her.

He stepped closer and held his hand out to her. “C’mon, darlin’. I don’t bite.” He gently led her to the countertop and wrapped his hands around her waist, lifting her to perch on the edge of the marble. “There. Perfect,” he murmured, those green eyes of his tracing over the plains of her face with a small, sweet grin pulling on his lips.

“Jake…” she felt like her insides were on fire, and she didn’t know if she was calling for him to put out the fire or fan it to make it hotter, brighter.

“It’s okay, darlin’.” His voice was soft and honeyed, so unlike the voice he used with his friends and family. That was a voice that had always been reserved just for her. “Relax with me, just for an hour.”

Damn her inability to say no to him. “Get to work, Masterchef.”

His grin lit up his whole face and he took a step to the left to be standing in front of the stove again. In easy, quick movements, he had six slices of fresh sourdough bread spread out on the stovetop, buttered on one side and waiting to be assembled. Buttercup couldn’t help her giggle when she realized he was using cheap plastic wrapped cheese slices, and he flashed her a grin.

“C’mon now, Buttercup,” he admonished, his long fingers deftly unwrapping the cheese. “You know this shit melts better than anything else.”

“I know,” she giggled. “It’s just funny for me to think that you’re running this million-dollar enterprise of a ranch, I’m an award-winning novelist, and we’re eating the cheapest cheese imaginable.”

He grinned, turning a dial on the stove and pulling down a frying pan from the rack overhead. “How do you know it’s a million-dollar enterprise, Buttercup? I never told you that.”

She shrugged, watching him put the first slice of bread in the pan, then a slice of cheese, two thin slices of turkey, another slice of cheese, and then another slice of bread. Quickly, the smell of burning butter and toasting bread had her stomach growling. “I may have looked it up. The girls told me you lived on a ranch, but I wasn’t expecting something so grand, so I figured you had to be making a lot. I’m an author. I’m curious about the facts. Sue me.”

He chuckled, flipping the first sandwich over and listening to it sizzle. “I would’ve told you if you asked.”

“I know. I didn’t want to sound like some sort of gold digger.”

“Is it possible to be a gold digger if you’re already divorced?”

She shrugged, eyes tracing his flexing muscles as he flipped the sandwich again. “You might’ve thought I was after child support or alimony or something stupid like that.”

“Nah, I know we’re pretty even keel on finances anyway.” He flipped the sandwich once more and murmured softly, “Grab me a plate from the cabinet behind you?”

Buttercup hopped out of her seat and opened the cabinet, grabbing a plate and holding it out for him to place the sandwich on. “You want a beer?”

Jake nodded absentmindedly as she moved behind him, a gentle hand on his back so he wouldn’t back up into her. She grabbed ketchup and a beer out of the fridge before strolling back to his side and hopping back up onto the counter. The second sandwich was sizzling away when Jake sighed contentedly. “When was the last time we did this?” he murmured, eyes casting sideways to look at her, so damn beautiful in the dim light.

“3 a.m. grilled cheeses and beer?” She held the beer out and he twisted the cap off, tossing it to the side before taking a sip and handing it back. “Jesus…” She cast her mind back, sorting through all their memories, the gleeful and the painful. “Probably when I was pregnant. Before you got deployed.”

He remembered then, the night before he got the news that he was deploying while she was pregnant. She’d woken up in the middle of the night, absolutely ravenous for both him and food. After satiating her first need in bed, they had wandered into the kitchen of their brand-new house together, where she had perched on the countertop in just his t-shirt and watched him make grilled cheese sandwiches in just his boxer-briefs. He’d sipped on a beer while she drank Ginger Ale and they laughed and talked and ate and, when they were done the sandwiches, he had taken her again over the kitchen table before they had stumbled back to the bedroom, satisfied and deliriously happy.

A wistful ache bloomed in Jake’s chest at the memory. He absentmindedly rubbed at it as he plated up the second sandwich and started on the third. “That was a good night,” he sighed. “I’m glad we had that before it all went to shit.”

Buttercup sipped their beer and nodded. “Me too.” At the time, she’d been convinced that they could live in that happy bubble for the rest of their lives. She knew better now. “It wasn’t all bad after though, was it?” She handed him the beer again.

Jake sipped thoughtfully. “No…I guess it wasn’t. We had me coming home, the twins being born, and a few good months before…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, so passed the beer bottle back to her. “But that was the beginning of the end.”

Buttercup sighed. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

She shrugged. “Saying it like that makes it sound like an inevitability. I don’t think it was. If I had just kept my shit together, we probably would’ve made it.”

“It wasn’t all your fault though, Buttercup.” Jake took the beer bottle and drained it in one gulp, but it tasted like ash in his mouth. “I was an asshole. I expected you to just follow me wherever I ended up, and that wasn’t fair. You were right. You deserved to be able to follow your dreams too, and the kids needed more stability than that. I just didn’t want to admit it because that would mean admitting that the way I grew up wasn’t ideal. It was all I knew, and I was a stubborn jackass for not admitting that I was wrong.” Jake saw her gaping at him out of his peripheral and laughed. “Javy forced me to go to therapy after about six months of me trying to strong arm my way through the whole single dad thing.” He shrugged and plated up the final sandwich, clicking off the stove and turning to face her. “Who knew?”

She chuckled under her breath. “Who knew…” She picked up the fresh sandwich and took a bite.

“Careful, it’s gonna be—” Buttercup muttered a muffled curse around the bite of bread and cheese, steam billowing from her mouth. “Hot.” He couldn’t help the laughter that poured out of him. “Some things never change.” He started fanning his hand over her mouth as she chewed on the sandwich. She had never been able to resist taking a bite too soon after the sandwiches came off the stove.

“I’m okay…” Buttercup gasped as she swallowed the steaming sandwich. Jake was still laughing, the sound reverberating in her chest like the sweetest bell.

“Was it at least worth it?” he grinned, picking up one of the cooler sandwiches and leaning against the counter beside her, so close her legs were brushing his.

“You’re still the master,” she mumbled through a full mouth, bringing a bright smile to his face. “Don’t tell Rooster I said that, though.”

Jake rolled his eyes and bit into his sandwich. “Bastard would probably put grilled cheese on the menu of his restaurant just to spite me.”

“Doesn’t mean it would be as good as yours though. Nothing beats a Hangman grilled cheese and beer at 3:30 in the morning.” His answering grin was strained slightly, and she swallowed, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Jake, I’m sorry I went off on you about wanting to rejoin the Navy. It was none of my business.” As loathe as she was to admit it, it was true. It wasn’t any of her business because they weren’t together.

But Jake was already shaking his head, hand covering his mouth as he spoke through a mouthful of sandwich. “No, you were right.” He swallowed and gave her a wan grin. “You deserved to know, even if nothing was going to come out of it. You deserve to know where your daughters’ father is, even if…if we’re not together.” He had to fight back the words he truly wanted to say: Even if we’re not going to get back together.

The thought had been on his mind ever since he saw her drinking at the pool cabana, Savannah be damned. Seeing her had been a shock to his system, in the way that a defibrillator shocks your heart into working properly. And now, after a week of being in close quarters, he didn’t want it to end. He felt good around her. Better than he had in over a decade. He was happier, the girls were happier. Family dinners and pool parties and Friday night football games had all become brighter, more meaningful moments in his week. He genuinely liked being at home, working on the ranch, co-coaching with Javy when she was around. All the dull, mundane aspects of his life had taken on new meaning with his Buttercup around, but she hadn’t given him any sign that she wanted it too.

“I get why you would want to…” Buttercup tore the last sandwich in two and handed him the bigger half. “It’s not easy to think about life six years from now, when the girls will be off to college or university or whatever they want to do with their lives. But you’re more than just an aviator, or a rancher, or a football coach. You’re more than just a father too. I wish…” Buttercup swallowed nervously, but pressed on, needing him to hear her since she hadn’t been brave enough to say the words 12 years ago. “I wish you could see what I see, Jake. Beyond the stubbornness and prickish vibe you like to give off, I wish you could see the kindness. The way you care about people makes them care about you, respect you. You inspire loyalty and you make people want to follow their own dreams by showing them what bravery looks like. I…I never would have published my first book without everything I learned from you about going after what I want. I just…” She pushed past the tears clogging her throat. “I just wish that going after what I wanted hadn’t cost me you.”

Jake was there in an instant, cupping her cheeks and wiping away the few tears that had started to fall. “Hey, hey…shh, darlin’, you’re alright. You…” He sighed and let his hand slip down to rest on her neck, feeling her pulse quicken beneath his thumb. “You’re so much more than a mother, than my wife. I wish I had been able to see it, admit it, before it cost me you. If I had just pulled my head outta my ass, then maybe…maybe we’d still be together.”

Shaky hands landed on his shoulders as she rested her forehead against his. “Falling apart wasn’t inevitable…we both fucked it up. I really wish we hadn’t.”

He shifted, heartbeat quickening as his nose brushed hers. “Buttercup…” He could feel the heat of her skin under his palms, the way her heart was racing, the soft floral scent of her perfume toying with his nose, and it was overwhelming in the best way possible.

“Jake…” Her fingers toyed with the short blonde strands at the back of his neck as he pressed her closer to the cabinet, his hand dropping from her neck to her waist to tug her closer.

“Are you sure?” he whispered, nuzzling along her nose and breathing in that floral scent that had always driven him mad.

Buttercup opened her eyes slightly, taking in his golden skin and green eyes and everything that she had missed so deeply. She knew he was giving her an out, letting her walk away and protect herself, but she wanted to continue being selfish. Just for a few more minutes.

“Kiss me before we’re interrupted again, Seresin.”

A low groan rumbled through his chest as he lurched forward, lips clashing against hers in a desperate, needy thing. Years of missing her and a solid week of pent-up passion consumed him as his arm around her waist tightened, dragging her so close there wasn’t space for even air between them.

Buttercup gasped at the feel of him against her, every inch of his hard body against the softness of hers. Jake took advantage, slipping his tongue into her mouth and nearly groaning at the warmth and taste of her. Buttercup tugged his hair lightly, maneuvering his head so she could kiss him harder, deeper. His hand left her cheek and pressed against the cabinet to balance them both.

Desperation and longing and frustration poured off of them in waves as they clutched each other closer, kissed deeper, hands roaming. Buttercup couldn’t help herself as she traced a hand down his chest and abs, a thrill running through her as she touched what she had been admiring all day. Jake’s hand was just creeping beneath her shirt when she pulled away with a gasp.

“Fuck,” Jake groaned, hand on her waist pressing her closer again. “Sorry…”

“Don’t be,” she mumbled against his lips, sneaking in a small kiss before pulling away again. “Just…don’t want anyone to catch us.”

Jake moaned at the very thought and, in one move, had her bundled in his arms, her arms and legs wrapped around him as he kissed her again and carried her down the hallway to his bedroom.

Buttercup didn’t let herself think beyond one fleeting thought as Jake’s bedroom door swung closed behind them. One night of selfishness wouldn’t hurt anyone.

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@inthestars-underthesun

@smoothdogsgirl

[koolaidoverliving]

OC SHEET - RIGOR MORTIS

PALETTE KEY:

[1 - Jacket] [2 - Shorts] [3 - Bandages] [4 - Hair] [5 - Foliage] [6 - Skin] [7 - Light]

i finally finished rigor mortis's reference :O i did draw his feet, but you know... no one has to see them... i have additional information about him under the cut!

NAME: Rigor Mortis

ALIAS: The Bug Catcher, Bugs

AGE: N/A (Died at 18)

GENDER: Male (They/He)

SPECIES: Poltergeist

HEIGHT: 5'7

ABILITIES:

[Ghost-Walking] - Rigor Mortis has the ability to phase through objects.

[Hypnosis / Mimicry] - They speak with a hushed, kind of hypnotic voice. He's able to mimic the voices of others, which is how he lures people into the Slender Forest.

[Wildspeak] - He can speak with the creatures of the forest. He uses it to his advantage, using animals and bugs to attack trespassers and unsuspecting victims.

PERSONALITY:

[Nonchalant] - Rigor Mortis has a careless and sarcastic attitude. Almost nothing riles them up. Almost nothing. An insult or attack toward "his bugs" will upset him severely.

[Unfiltered] - Being nonchalant means that Rigor Mortis is willing to speak on anything and everything. They're judgemental, not afraid to give their opinion. It's blunt honesty, and he delivers it harshly.

[Loyal] - It's rare for Rigor Mortis to make a friend who is not a bug, but once they have one, they're sure to be a reliable friend. He may come off as asocial and deadpan, but he's a good listener, and he remembers things about people.

STRENGTH: Navigation

WEAKNESS: Claustrophobia

LIKES: Bugs, Large Dinners, Dirt and Mud, Plants

DISLIKES: Redheads, Loud People, Dad Jokes, Being Confined

BACKSTORY: I have one for Rigor Mortis, but it's better experienced through a story. So I'll wait till I have that written and edited! :) The most I can say is: Rigor Mortis was buried alive by their mother's new boyfriend.

EXTRAS:

Their real name, before they took up "Rigor Mortis", was "Oliver Jude Samual Von-Vinson".

I made them a year ago. They're purposefully a bit corny... all because I live for that 2014 Slendermansion aesthetic.

They have a bunch of bug-friends! And they're all named!

Rigor Mortis never attacks anyone himself. He prefers to let the bugs do the job for him.

His "stick weapons" are only used when he's going hunting for food. Despite being a poltergeist, he still needs to eat. His body craves food as he was malnourished when he died.

He's one of the only proxies who stay in the forest more than in the mansion. For that reason, he doesn't have his own room.

One day, I'll make a full length text-post about him! But for now, this is all! :D

[notroosterbradshaw]

There are too many good prompts on the 100 kisses lists! But #10: surprise kisses, your lover wasn’t prepared but responds immediately and #75: standing on your tippy toes, frustrated you can’t reach your lovers lips seem particularly fluffy!

PROMPT: 10. surprise kisses, your lover wasn’t prepared but responds immediately and 75: standing on your tippy toes, frustrated you can’t reach your lovers lips

thank you for this, love. I'm going to try and make this a twofer!

“So, we’re just staying in?” you asked, a little surprised, a little disappointed. It was his first night stateside; it was usually a night to celebrate and unwind with a few drinks with friends. You sat on the bathroom vanity, with him between your thighs, fresh after a shower and washing months of aircraft carrier off him.

He was shaving, and you were watching him keenly, you always enjoyed being part of this process. His delicate hands took control against his soft skin. He asked each time if you'd like to help. Each time you said no. You wouldn't be responsible for marring his incredibly handsome face. You had enough drama with your ankles each time you shaved your legs. His razor was safer in his skilled grasp.

He'd just gotten home only a few hours earlier and it felt like he'd been away for years (reality? Three long, insidious months). When he was away you didn't feel like going out and socialising, happier in your isolation where you could pine for him without the mockery of your friends.

“You seem a little too disappointed by this,” Rooster smirked at you as he moved his torso to the side to stare at himself and shave underneath his chin. You hooked your ankles around his hips, he huffed, shuffling closer and you shrugged. “Gettin' fresh with me?" he wriggled his dark brows, his lightness at being home making you dizzy. "Me being home not enough for you?”

“We so rarely do couple stuff - can’t we like... go on a date or something?"

“A date?” he pretended to be scandalised and piqued an eyebrow. Oh, he was full of his Dad jokes tonight. “What do you have in mind, sweetheart?” 

“I dunno, dinner, drinks? You've been away months."

He hummed, jutting his chin and you carefully wrapped your hands around his strong waist, fingers drifting up and down the ropey, hard muscle into his chesy, leaving a single peck on his sternum. "Damn, you did miss me, didn't you?" he teased and flexed just for you and you may have melted, pathetic to his strength. “So, you want some romance,” he figured. “Want me to wine and dine you? I geddit."

You grinned. “That’s exactly what I want," your nails tracing his ribs. He groaned quietly, loved being loved on by you.

"One sec," he said, rinsing his face as you gently pat his now smooth skin with the hand towel, moustache manicured to perfection. Five o'clock shadow banished, he pressed pecks into your cheeks then kissed you deeply. "Better?"

"Grow me a beard," you teased as he chuckled.

"Was hard enough growing this," he admitted pouting to show off his masterful barbering and helping you off the bench. He gazed down at you, a faint smile dancing on his lips. "So you want dinner and drinks, huh? Okay, well I guess I can do that."

"Really?" you asked excitedly, and for a moment he had to wonder if he'd forgotten that romantic side to him. Dates, flowers, champagne and chocolates. You were just so much more excited than he expected. He pressed an unsuspecting kiss on your lips, catching your attention and you smiled wide at him, adoring the affection after months without.

"Go," he swatted at your ass. "Put on your favourite dress and I'll go find a reservation somewhere.

"Yes," you fist-bumped him, craning your neck to kiss him again. He raised an eyebrow, not immediately bowing to you as you bounced on your tippy toes, clutched his dog tags and brought his mouth to yours, moustache freshly clipped and likely to leave you with some irritation later. Wrapping you arms around his neck, he learned down to you, gentle sweeping kisses suddenly moving into hot and messy territory and suddenly, just maybe, you thought you weren't gonna make it out at all.

A/N: the tag list no longer exists. To keep up to date, give @notroosterbradshaw-library a follow x

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE THOR HEADCANONS

Thor won't make it certain to ANYONE that he's a yandere at first. And heck, even HE won't have a clue that he's a yandere or not. He likes showing off a little when he's around you and putting impressive thunderstorms and challenging people to life the Mjolnir and that sort of thing to prove he's worthy for you. He's like a little puppy always wanting some form of attention from his beloved. He is clingy no doubt about that always wanting you to notice him and if you don't well... he's going to go around sulking and grumping and maybe causing thunder storms on poor unsuspecting people

He isn't shy for wanting affection from you that's for sure. When he wants something, he will get it. Thor's way of affection isn't that creepy or weird. People might think you're really good friends or something. He loves being close to you and always wants to be with you when you go for missions or something. And even if you're not an Avenger, he just likes being around you. Any sort of physical contact between you both like hugs and hand holding is more than okay for him, his heart will literally be leaping till the moon

He likes seeing you laugh but will get jealous if you direct your beautiful smile and laughs at other people instead of him. So, he'll always have some corny or cheesy dad jokes prepared mentally so he can make you laugh and feel good about it. Man here can be really creative about his jokes, they can range from hilarious ones to cheesy ones to dad jokes and puns and the most weirdest and bizarre jokes you've ever heard in your life. You'll love spending time with him since he makes you feel... warm and nice and also he makes you laugh

Now, he's really protective of the people he cares about and when it comes to you, he OVER protective. He'll always look out for you and will just wave his hand dismissively when you tell him you're more than capable of taking care of yourself. As strong and powerful as you may be, Thor here sees you as a gentle delicate precious flower that needs to be protected at all times. He'll first tell you to look carefully at the road while you're crossing and make sure you don't stay out till late in the night and stuff like that. Till he starts poking his nose into your personal life and matters

Despite his friendly nature and attitude, he ain't one to take shit from anyone, and when someone tries targeting you for something, he'll get pissed. He's one of the most powerful Avengers on the team and he isn't afraid to put his strength and his hammer to good use if someone decides to mess with you since your safety is of UTMOST importance to him

Thor isn't aggressive he just appears to be because of his height and intimidating personality but deep down he's a literal cinnamon roll and a cuddly bear. With issues that is

Loki may or may not tease him for his obsession of you from time to time just to get reactions from him

He'll take you to Asgard soon after his crush deepens even more and then he decides that he needs you to be with him and tell you you'll be the perfect king/ queen of Asgard with him. He will be incredibly sweet, caring and gentle towards you. He knows he can overpower you in literally less than a second but he prefers to tone down the aggression with you since he doesn't want you to be scared of him. His poor heart will shatter if you become scared or nervous around him. He is the literal incarnation of the devil when it comes to others and he isn't scared to get his hands dirty if anyone tries taking you away from him and he'll make that crystal clear. Anyone who even looks at you for a second longer will have his hammer at their neck and he doesn't care of they're a guy or girl

He will shower you with presents and gifts if you're good with him and he'll give you jewelry and things like that. He just wants some love and affection from you so please give it to him. He will give you whatever you ask for, books, music whatever it is. You ask, you get. In the blink of an eye

He won't like it too much if you hang out with Loki than him and he needs constant reassurance from you that you won't leave him or he'll get sad and grumpy. When it comes to punishments, he'll just hold you and ask you if what he's doing for you isn't good enough, if he isn't good enough for you. He's a damn good manipulator, that's for sure. He doesn't like yelling at you or raising his hands at you since that's no way to treat his beloved and he frowns upon any sort or form of violence if he has to deal with you when you're being bad. If you get on his nerves by yelling at him, he'll just lock you up in a room till you're ready to say sorry and calm down

As a yandere, Thor is pretty tame and gentle when it comes down to you. As long as you're by his side and tell him you love him, things will be better for you, him and everyone else around you

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Chapter IV

Strange Times

Warning: Explicit

The plan was solid: Piglet was going to eat some flowers (they didn’t taste bad, just weird, like cucumbers, and Piglet hated cucumbers!), then get a mild tummy ache, get his Elain all nervous and then guilt her into giving him chicken and rice. Once he was full of chicken and rice, he was going to be let out of his enclosure, having lulled his unsuspecting humans into a false sense of calmness and security. Then he was going to jump on the tree, topple it, and finally destroy all the shiny balls. He was sure he was going to get in trouble. But did he care? Nope. It would be worth it. 

What his plans did not include was a trip to the vet in the middle of the night. 

Or an angry dad, who was super mad at him, as he strapped him into his new dog seat in the car.

“Don’t think I don’t know that you are faking,” Azriel hissed. “You think I can’t spot a faker when I see one? I’ve played Neymar! That silly fucker dives like he is gunning for an Oscar. You are not far behind. There is not going to be any chicken and rice for you. No meatloaf,”

At that, Piglet expelled a horrified squeal.

“Yeah, too late to be moaning now,” Azriel rounded the car and got into the driver seat. “You done a fuck up, lad. Also, I don’t know how much this little excursion is gonna cost me, but it’s all coming out of your IG sponsorships and allowance. No more Fuji water. You gonna drink tap.”

-

But, let’s rewind. 

“But where are we going?” Elain wondered, as Azriel’s heavy palm squeezed the back of her neck and he gently guided her down the spacious hallway.

There was an open den, where the walls and shelves were covered with trophies, trainers, kits, medals and lots of Arsenal gear. 

“My little spot of pride and gloating,” Azriel joked.

“Nice,” she shook her head, but she was also proud. And therefore, she turned her head to him and said, “and I happen to think that you are brilliant.”

“Aww, baby,” he smiled. “Are you going soft on me?”

She blushed but didn’t answer, only asking, “so?”

“I want you to hear a song that I love. I think that it’s about us,” he told her, a bit bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“A song?” That was unexpected. Elain knew that Azriel was musically inclined–he always hummed something to himself, there was music playing in some manner whenever he was at her house, he made up songs for Piglet, and sang in the shower–she had to admit that he did it well and had a husky, gravelly voice, which had a lovely sexual quality to it.

“Maybe we can dance to it as well,” he proposed quietly.

“Oh, a slow song then?”

“Pretty slow, yeah,” he nodded, and opened the door. To his bedroom.

Elain swallowed, but put on a brave face and entered, though her hands were balled into little fists and he smiled to himself. 

It was a huge space–completely unlike her own bedroom, which was lage, but also cosy and personal. This was right out of a modern hotel catalogue–vast, comfortable, but without an identity.

“Yeah, I know. It needs a woman’s touch,” he chuckled, as she looked around the space. At least it had gorgeous views. 

“None of your lady friends stuck around to redecorate a little?” she asked, her tone a bit tart, as she stared at the oversized luxurious bed. 

“Oh, is my matchy a little bit jealous?” he teased, spinning her around carefully, until she was facing him, her expression sour.

“Not. At. All.”

“Hmmm, you sure pretty girl?”

“Why would I even care?”

He shrugged and then threw himself across the bed, while propping his head and watching her. 

“I’d care!” he argued. “For example, I care about your Lord Eris. I don’t like him very much at all. Not at all. In fact, I think he is a bit of a cunt.”

“Azriel!” she gasped, whirling to him.

He shrugged. 

“What? I am jealous. I am jealous that he got there first. I am jealous that you loved him…kind of,”

“Kind of,” she murmured to herself. 

“I am jealous of all the time he’s had with you that I didn’t,” he continued. 

“You’ve spent all the time with me since you’ve met me,” she reminded him.

“Still ain’t enough. Still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stand the cunt,” he said roughly.

She bubbled her lips and shrugged, “well, doesn’t matter. You don’t need to worry. I’ve not heard from him in weeks and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. I think we can conclusively say that it’s over.”

Azriel smiled, his smile a little too knowing, and then declared, “Fucking brilliant. I am more than happy to hear that.”

“Meanwhile,” she bristled at him, “what about your girlfriends? Mr. Orgy.”

“Ehhh,” Azriel waved his hand dismissively. “My orgy days are long behind me. Don’t have girlfriends. Well…one. She is standing in front of me now. And don’t worry, no one’s been in this bed except for the lonesome me.”

She stared at him so hard, he thought smoke was going to pour out of her ears. 

“I ain’t lying, beautiful,” he raised his hands in futile defence. “Okay, maybe a little,”

“A-ha!”

“I think Cass slept here after shoulder surgery, when I played his handsome nurse,” he recalled, smirking.

At that, Elain’s expression softened and she cooed, “You nursed him?”

“Someone had to. He was as dramatic as Pinky when you break his treat into halves.”

“That’s very dramatic,” she agreed solemnly. 

After a pause, where they looked at each other, Azriel pulled out his phone and Elain asked, “What about this song you wanted me to hear?”

He searched and quickly found what he was looking for. A slow, mellow melody came from the speakers. Then, a woman’s voice sang:

It’s gonna take a bit of work

Oh work

Now that you are here, 

Oh work

Because people come and go

But I think you should know

That I, I think this will work

It’s gonna take a little time

But with you by my side

I won’t let go, till I got what’s mine

Because people come and go,

But you should know,

That I, I’m taking it slow

There was something haunting about the simple rhythm and when Azriel got up from the bed and slowly approached Elain, wrapping his strong arm around her waist and pulling her closer, she succumbed to the flow of the song immediately. Azriel’s scarred palm squeezed her own and he placed it against his chest, as they swayed steadily to the song.

This was their song. Nothing about them and their relationship was quick, and everything took work. Nothing was quick, other than Azriel Night falling in love with Elain Archeron. Because that took no time at all.

When Azriel kissed her at last, he was so slow. So indulgently slow, as his body moved languidly and gracefully against hers, sweeping the two of them in a gradual circle around the room. Elain closed her eyes, giving herself over to the music, but also wholly to him. His lips were hot on her mouth, the kiss lingering there for a while, moving with assured intention. He pulled her closer to him, her breasts smashing against his chest, as she melted in his embrace, her arms circling his neck instinctually, while he made her back arc in his big hands, as he leaned against her. From the small of her back, his warm hands travelled up, and he squeezed her waist and then appreciatively ran his palms over her sides, up and then down, until he splayed his fingers over her bottom and gave each cheek a generous squeeze. 

“Oh,” she gasped into his mouth, but he only cupped her ass in his palm and pressed deeper into her soft flesh. 

If there was a true ‘ass man’ then Azriel Night was the definition of one.

Their kiss was unhurried, but it felt otherworldly in its dreamy hotness. It was like with every kiss, another barrier was broken. Azriel chipped and carved at her defences with lustful, unyielding determination, and Elain clung to him with needy desperation which might not have been attractive with anyone else, but with her, it only ignited the spark of blind, all-encompassing love within him. As he moulded his mouth impossibly closer to her lips, breathing and drinking in her oxygen, he thought for a moment that if they’d cut him right now, he’d bleed Elain. That’s how deeply she was ingrained in his very soul.

Elain stroked his neck with her hot little hands, her nails lightly raking over his skin, pressing into his collarbones and then gripping his broad shoulders. 

When the song ended, it switched to the sexy intro of ‘Beast of Burden’, the riff of Keith Richards’s  guitar completely unmistakable. And Elain loved it. Moving her hips within the circle of Azriel’s hands, she gyrated to the tempo, her head buzzing from the champagne and for the delicious taste of Azriel’s lips. She wasn’t sure what she was doing exactly, but she pulled on his black hoodie’s zipper and bared his sculpted, incredible torso with flourish. 

Azriel tore away from her mouth only to kiss down her jaw before sinking his teeth into her neck. Elain figured that he needed to ‘refresh’ his nearly-permanent hickey that he sucked into her skin. 

“I have to feel you,” he growled into her neck.

“What?” she breathed, half-drunk from their kiss.

He pushed her back towards the bed and all but collapsed on his knees in front of her, his hands on her thighs, rubbing them slowly up and down. 

“Let me give you another present for your birthday,” he pleaded, his voice urgent. 

“What present?” she breathed, though Azriel’s rough, large hands slipping under her knit dress and resting on the bare skin of her thighs, while he fingered the clasps of her garter, which held her knit stockings, told her enough of what he desired. He groaned, as he caressed her fleshy thighs, his palms slipping between them, parting her legs slightly. Elain acquiescent, allowing him to touch her in a manner in which he’d never dared to before. 

“Fingers or tongue?” he asked, his voice rough. Before she could answer, he dragged her dress high up, baring her legs, her stockings, and finally her thighs. Elain’s chest was rising and falling erratically, her breathing heavy and rapid, especially when Azriel rubbed his knuckle over her flowery panties. He shrugged off the hoodie completely, tossing it on the floor and Elain was faced with his absolutely incredible body. Unable to stop herself, she reached to touch the stacked cobbles of his abdomen, carved with an almost obscene precision beneath his bronze skin. The sculpted shoulders and his big, muscular arms flexed and gleamed in the sexy buttery light of the bedroom, thick, black swirls of his tattoos spilling from his shoulders down to his arms and over his pecs. She couldn’t resist tangling her fingertips in the dusting of soft dark hair beneath his navel–and he was right when he teased her about it. Even back then, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. Or from his ridiculously defined Adonis Belt which lewdly pointed straight down towards his cock. It was inescapable.

He didn’t wait for her final decision, and instead, gripped the side of her panties. Before she could even squeak, he ripped the underwear at the seam and crumpled it in his fist, before stuffing them in his back pocket. 

Pressing his forehead to hers, he smiled at her with encouragement and then thrust two thick, long fingers straight into her tight, tender hole. All at once. Rough. The noise that Elain made was something like a pathetic, shocked rasp, while her pussy responded to the invasion with an erotic, almost profane squelch, sucking his fingers deeper. 

Elain’s head lolled back and she fell on the bed, shuddering visibly, her thighs tense, while Azriel settled between her legs, opening them up brazenly and exposing her soft, wet, pink slit. Elain’s moan was loud, explicit and it was obvious that she relinquished all control of the situation, opening her legs further, even without him prompting her to. Azriel smiled and kissed her knee, soothingly stroking her with his free hand between her legs. His eyes were literally glued to her pussy and he was physically incapable of looking anywhere else. It was the prettiest, most perfect pussy he’d ever seen–and he’d seen many. It could be that he was completely pussy blinded right now, and seeing Elain’s for the first time was almost a religious experience. 

She felt tight and soft against his fingers, enveloping his hand greedily, like she’s been hungry for him, or maybe for someone to pay attention to her.

Elain felt so incredibly full with only his fingers inside, and yet, the beautiful torture of having him in her was worth the discomfort. He moved slowly, but firmly, exploring, stretching, spreading her with appalling, delectable vulgarity. God she loved it. Fucking loved it. That hand was brazen and strong, and when the tips of his fingers found her sensitive her front inner wall was, she bowed on the bed, digging her fingers into the plush duvet. 

“Keep like this,” he ordered, “so I can finger you like you need.”

How he knew what she needed, Elain had no idea, but she obeyed him, legs falling open, her pussy fully exposed, as he pressed on her inner thigh with considerable force, keeping her in place. His other hand began to move rhythmically, with deft, knowing movements inside her hole, and she bit her lip so hard, she tasted blood. The intensity of the movements was almost painful, as he took from her with glutinous need, but she couldn't even keep her eyes open from the savage pleasure that she was now experiencing.

Azriel’s voice, hypnotic and breathy with lust, whispered, “is this good, beautiful? Getting what you need?” and then he leaned over her and kissed her deeply and filthily. His fingers never paused or changed their perfect rhythm and Elain clutched the rock-hard muscles of his shoulders, raking her nails down his arm.

She couldn’t explain what he was doing, but he hadn’t even touched her clit, and yet she was arching and shaking like she was being exorcised. But his fingers…god, his fingers. He was so horribly ruthless too–pushing a third finger into her, burrowing deeper and deeper, while whispering, “you are going to be a good girl for me and take it all in your sweet, tight pussy for me?”

She made some inhuman noise and Azriel laughed darkly. The prodded further, stretching and pumping her hard and oh-so beautifully, half of his heavy body covering hers, as he watched her reactions and listened to her loud moans. When she didn’t answer, he murmured ‘yeah you are, gorgeous” and even if Elain rebelled internally for being so predictable and so easily broken, she couldn’t argue, and succumbed to his demanding hand that filled her so completely. Azriel kissed her, slow and tender, his lips in complete contrast with his hand. 

“Can you take one more, sweetheart?” he asked, voice husky, eyes dark, perspiration covering his chiselled chest. Elain grabbed at him just when he pulled his three fingers out and the emptiness had her gushing with her sweet nectar. He breathed heavily, inhaling the scent of sex and her essence, and then leisurely licked his fingers until dry. Elain was panting, watching him half-lidded, desperately needing him back inside of her, So she didn’t ask, but took his hand and brought it back to her plump, bare mound which leaked like an overripe fruit. 

“I want more,” she told him simply, biting her lower lip.

He kissed her brow and nodded,

“I know, sweetheart. Here’s more.”

And he plunged four fingers inside of her with one firm thrust.

“Elain,” he groaned, his own eyes closing, as he felt around inside of her. “You are so fucking tight, baby. I can’t wait for fuck you for real. My cock is gonna go nuts!”

He slowly pulled his fingers back, almost all the way out, but the soft walls of her pussy squeezed him and dragged him back in, before he pressed his thumb into her clit.

“Oh fuck,” she moaned.

Elain felt like she was being torn apart by his savage hand, but the pain was so glorious, and the way it mixed with pleasure only had her opening further for him. She was no longer concerned with any propriety, all her modesty having flown out the window a long time ago. Here she was, turned inside out, groaning and panting, holding most of Azriel’s huge hand inside her pussy and loving every second of it. 

Yeah, this was a gift that kept on giving. And how grateful she was that Azriel decided on giving her another present today. 

His pace was merciless, four fingers inside, pushing and rubbing at her tender inner walls, two fingers curled and massaging that wondrous spot inside of her, while his thumb worked her clit roughly and unforgivingly. 

“Bite me, Ellie,” he offered and Elain didn’t know that that’s what she needed. But when she latched onto his neck and bit him hard, feeling the throb of his blood beneath her tongue, she realised that it was perfect–the taste of his skin, the scent of his body, musky, lightly spiced with cedar, the strength of him–all beneath her tongue.

“That’s good,” he approved, moaning softly with his own pleasure. “Do you want to come for me, sweetness?”

Did she want to?

Yes, the smouldering heat of her body, the spasming muscles of her pussy, the gorgeous pressure on her clit all told her that she was about to explode like never before. But part of her yearned for this to continue for as long as possible. And Azriel was patient. So patient with her, even though he was basically fisting her at this point. She never knew that she’d be able to stretch like that, to accommodate almost all of his hand up to the wrist, where only his thumb remained firmly pressed to her clit. God. It was positively crazy. It hurt and it ached and it was blissful and intense and the sounds that her body emitted–all the slurping, squelching, groaning, moaning–would’ve been completely indecent in any other situation. But today, Elain didn’t care. She guessed that Azriel was the type of man who liked his woman undone. Feral. Unbound. Uninhibited. 

“Azriel, Azriel,” she screamed out, jerking upright, unable to stop, or keep from thrashing against him.

“Say my name, Ellie. Let it all out.”

Fuck, did she ever. An orgasm to end all orgasms. Azriel’s unique gift, his personally crafted orgasm that only he could’ve given to her. Only he had the skill and the unflinching ruthlessness to do this so well. 

Elain came and came, her hole sucking him in almost fully, her voice hoarse from screaming. She probably looked possessed, but she didn’t care. And Azriel was probably going to be evicted, but it would be worth it. It was so brilliant–waves of pure ecstasy crushing all over her body, every muscle inside of her alive with pleasure and tension. 

And then she blacked out.

Legitimately blacked out. 

…Azriel was chuckling.

Elain was being jostled about, something around her getting tugged and pulled. 

When she opened her eyes, while moaning, she saw his smiling face hovering above her.

“What...what happened?” she mumbled, disoriented.

At least the jostling began making sense–Azriel was pulling off her dress over her head. 

Yes, she was still wearing her dress. 

“I might have semi-murdered you with some light fisting,” he said innocently.

“Light?!!?” Elain screeched, a nice, but definitely acute soreness radiating from between her thighs. “You call this light?!”

He was laughing, while he manoeuvred her out of the dress, folded it nicely and left her only in her bra and the stockings, which had descended all the way down to her knees. 

Then, Elain watched him get up from the bed and unbutton his trousers, pulling the belt out of its loops in one crazy, half a second move. She stared, open-mouthed, while he tugged the trousers down and she tensed.

“Sweetheart,” he chuckled. “You pussy ain’t ready for my dick tonight,” he assured her. “I’ve given it a nice gentle pounding,”

“It was not gentle!” she protested.

He stepped out of his pants, got rid of his socks, and stood there, in all of his almost-naked glory. 

That body.

It was almost unfair how stunning his form was–so long and so firm, every tendon and muscle on display, gorgeous lean sinew wrapping around his muscular thighs and the robust shoulders.

“Didn’t I tell you before that I was rough?” he reminded her, crossing his arms on his chest and looking down at her sprawling in his bed.

Elain fucking Archeron, in his bed. 

It was incredible.

Her pussy bare and wet, because of him. Her body, naked and glorious, for him. Her fucked up hair, her smudged mascara, which made her look extra sexy and wanton. The way she looked so cosy and comfortable on his sheets. 

He couldn’t comprehend it. That after all this time, months of courting and cajoling, or slow, baby steps, they were finally here. Elain naked. Happy. Satisfied. Actually passed out from the orgasm that he gave her. 

If he’d known then that he should’ve cherished that moment even more he would’ve. But he didn’t. So he just enjoyed watching his girl in his bed.

Her cheeks turned pink under his scrutiny and he tracked her eyes staring at his raging boner beneath his black boxers. 

“It’s out of your hair tonight, sweetness,” he assured her, palming his cock for emphasis.

“You don’t want me to…” she swallowed nervously and he chuckled.

“Choke on this dick?” he clarified.

She reddened ever more and he thought that it was completely adorable.

“Well, yes,” she nodded.

“Not tonight. It’s your birthday, after all.”

Elain looked down, at her bare stomach, her bare pussy, the swollen, glistening folds, remembering how just a few minutes ago he had his hand in her and squirmed, feeling embarrassed.

“May I have something to wear?” she whispered. 

Azriel landed on the bed next to her and brought her face closer to his, before kissing her lips.

“Baby, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t already seen,” he reminded her, his smirk salacious.

“Well…ummm…still,” she tried, her little toes curling, as she tucked her legs to her belly.

“But I like you naked, in my bed,” Azriel wrapped his arm around her and drew his thumb over her skin which pebbled with gooseflesh.

Elain threw her arm over his stomach and snuggled to him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“What for?” he asked curiously.

“The best birthday ever.”

He smiled,

“Better than Annabel’s?”

“Yeah. Better than that.”

Elain didn’t know that this was the happiest birthday. She didn’t know that she needed to cherish the moments with this man whom she loved. She didn’t know how things would change.

When Elain woke up, she was disoriented. 

She knew where she was–at Azriel’s, because she wasn’t that far gone–but she had no idea what time it was. She was still nearly naked, her pussy lips splayed over Azriel’s thick thigh. She’d drooled all over his bicep–very sexy–but he didn’t mind, and kept her bundled up next to him like she was his plushy toy. Outside was dark, with night lights twinkling all around. She carefully extricated herself from Azriel’s heavy embrace and slipped from the bed. She tiptoed to the bathroom, closed the door and turned on the lights. The bathroom was as opulent as expected–enormous everything, shower so big, you could wash a car in there, a long sink that resembled a trough, a gorgeous bath tub, and even a sauna tucked in the corner. Elain looked at herself in the mirror. Yeah, she looked a proper state. Naked. Her hair a terrific mess, as were the remnants of her makeup. She washed her face, scrubbing at her eyes, then saw Azriel’s hair brush and with no alternatives, combed her hair, before breaking the handle of the brush on a mega tangle. Well, that was just wonderful!

There were bruises on her thighs, and she was sure that it was from the grip of Azriel’s fingers. Her pussy lips were swollen and overly pink. It was obscene and sexy and she didn’t mind the sight of it. Of course she snooped behind one of the mirror panels, finding nothing incriminating, other than an alarming number of face and hair products. Well, that was a surprise. Mr. Night had a skincare routine apparently. There were nice French creams, some very expensive, some cheaper: moisturisers, retinol, anti-wrinkle. Serums, oils, argan and olive oil extracts, Japanese and Korean hair care products, fancy tubes of lip balms from Sweden. 

“Well, don’t mind if I do,” she muttered to herself, as she lined the products on the counter and began sniffing and trying them out.

She was so into it, she didn’t even hear the door open and Azriel padding into the bathroom.

Before she could even begin to lie and weasel out of her predicament, Azriel dropped on his knees behind her and wrapped his arm around her thighs. He rubbed his stubbled cheek over her bare behind, before latching onto her ass cheek with his teeth. 

“Awww!” she cried out, but he only laughed, but also licked away the pain that his teeth caused.

“That’s for breaking my brush on your wild horse mane,” he told her.

“I do not have a horse mane!”

“Right. More like an unkempt lion’s mane.”

“It’s still my birthday!” she complained. “You have to be nice.”

“Oh yeah? How do you figure?” he asked, his hand caressing her hips, both of her bum cheeks before he nosed below and buried his face in her pussy.

“Ohmygod! Azriel,” she moaned, gripping the trough sink, when his tongue swept from one hole to the other. She’d never been licked like this. And when his tongue poked boldly at her butthole she thought she was going to pass out…again. To imagine that Eris or Graysen would do something like this to her was laughable. Eris barely ever did any oral, his sex drive never very high, so much so that he didn’t even ask for oral himself. 

Azriel, ever the biter, bit her puffy nether lips, bit her ass again, lazily licked over her hole, pushing his tongue inside, before scooting back on his hunches and sitting on the floor, crossing his long legs at the ankles.

“I can’t believe you are not just a snooper, but also a user,” he scolded her humorously, shaking his head like a disappointed parent.

“Why do you have all this?!” she demanded instead.

“Don’t change the subject, snoop!”

“I was simply trying out your weirdly huge collection of face products.” she huffed.

“Turn around,” he told her.

“Why?”

“Turn around,” he repeated. “I want to see your pussy.”

Elain blushed like crazy and he watched her squeeze her thighs tightly.

“I can’t,” she mumbled.

“Why?”

“I am not used to this….this familiarity…you are still,”

“If you say ‘a client’ you will make me angry, Elain,” he said sternly.

She bit her lip, not saying the word, but Azriel saw it on her face and sneered with annoyance, before getting up.

“No, don’t be mad,” she begged, grabbing his hand.

“Well, then don’t be daft,” he told her. “Decide what you want from me and for yourself,”

“I know what I want,” she argued.

“Are you sure?” he cocked his brow at her.

“You are being very cross,” she pouted.

“Then give me a reason not to be cross,” Azriel said instead. “Sometimes, I find you very frustrating, Elain.”

“I am sorry,” she whispered guiltily. 

“Why won’t you just let go and be mine?”

Before she could answer, they heard an audible moan.

Azriel rolled his eyes and groaned, “Oh fuck. Now what? What did he do?”

Because the moan was definitely Piglet’s. It was a touch dramatic, which made Azriel wonder what the hell was happening and whether the pug got to a bottle of whiskey or something as questionable as that. Wouldn't surprise him though. 

“Oh my!” Elain cried out, “it’s Piglet!! What happened to him?”

Before Azriel could even respond, she was running off, barefoot and naked, her perfect ass bouncing with every step. Azriel followed, because he knew that he had to see it for himself.

-

Piglet was in his enclosure, laying on his side, moaning. Flowers from Elain’s bouquet littered the floor around him. They’d left the vase on one of the side tables near where he ended up. Well, apparently, he was so starved for snacks that munched on a bunch of flowers and petals, tearing them off the stems. He only ate the heads and only specific flowers. 

“Piglet! What did you do?!” Elain wailed. “Oh my god. Is he going to die?!?!”

“Of course he is not going to die,” Azriel sighed. 

“How do you know?” she was almost in tears. “We need to go to the vet!”

At the word vet, Piglet immediately quieted down and the moaning ceased just like that.

“See, he is faking it,” Azriel nodded towards the dog. “He probably just wants chicken and rice or something,”

At those words, Piglet not only stopped moaning, but also raised his head, giving Elain a hopeful look and a little bark of encouragement. 

“You don’t know this!” she argued.

“I do. I know men and he is a man. He is faking it to get attention and to get the food that he wants. He wants his woman–you, in this case–to cook for him and feed him.”

“He ate half the bouquet!”

“Yeah, probably on purpose,” Azriel noted, to which Elain rolled her eyes. 

At first, things were going well and according to plan. Piglet gave a pretty good moaning performance and soon after he began, he watched his Elain run into the big room. He wasn’t sure why she was naked, but maybe she was drowning herself for fun, like humans tended to do. He trusted his Elain with his own drowning, but he wasn’t a big fan in general, though he enjoyed it when she soaped him up and scrubbed him with a brush. But the drowning…he didn’t like so much.

Then dad mentioned ‘chicken and rice’ Piglet whooped internally and gave himself a high four. But then the words ‘vet’ began spoiling his hopes. What the hell? He didn’t want to go to no vet! Defeated, Piglet watched dad get his phone and start doing something on it, while Elain picked him up and carried him around the room, rocking him like he was a baby.

“Baby, you know it’s Christmas Eve,” Azriel kept saying, as he dialled what felt like the fifteenth number for a vet clinic in and around Canary Wharf. No one was picking up–not surprising, because it was around 11 pm and most outgoing messages stated that the clinics would be closed for the Christmas holiday.

“Can’t we just give him a laxative? So he can shit flowers?”

“This is not a joke, Azriel!” she exclaimed, stroking Piglet’s head and kissing him.

It’s not that Azriel didn’t want to help Piglet–even though he was convinced that Piglet wasn’t as sick as he pretended to be–but Azriel wasn’t trying very hard, because he was currently entranced by the fact that his gorgeous Elain was walking around his home, circling the vast expanse of the flat basically completely nude. He sat back on the sofa, threw his legs on an ottoman and made calls, while watching Elain and her bare pink pussy. Just like that. He didn’t even have to ask for it. It still blew his mind and he knew it was going to take him some time to get to terms with what was happening in his life and that Elain was almost his…but he’d have to deal with that later.

“Yes, yes,” he was surprised when someone finally answered. Elain stilled and looked at him. “We have a pug who ate some flowers…no…not garden…from a bouquet. How old is he? He is two-ish. Oh…I don’t know. He is a big pug. Short legs though,” at that, Piglet offered him an unimpressed side eye. Amazing, how Piglet miraculously understood everything whenever he wanted to. “I don’t know…he is kind of chunky. I’d say 13 kilos? Just under 30 pounds…Well, like I said, he is a big pug. No…not fat. Just bigger than normal pugs.”

He is? Elain mouthed, looking at Piglet.

Azriel nodded. How did she not realise this before? Piglet was only slightly smaller than a Frenchie. He was the biggest pug Azriel’d ever seen, with short little legs. 

“Alright. Thanks mate. We’ll be right over. Yeah, yeah…we have money and insurance too.”

-

Christmas

Piglet raced down the wide hallways and sitting rooms of the palace. 

He wasn’t exactly sure whether this was actually a palace, but this was the biggest house he’s ever been in. He came here a few times a year with his Elain and with Fey, and some of the times Aunt Nesta came along as well. Mostly, he loved it because it had a huge park around the building, and in the summer, there was a pool, where he could splash and where the sisters swam and played with all kinds of toys. Pool was different from the drownings that he was subjected to, and therefore, he loved the pool. And then, there were the meals! Oh, the wonderful meals, where he got chicken and steak, where he ate sweet potatoes, and rice, he ate ham and hard boiled eggs for breakfast, he drank the best water and had so many treats, he couldn’t even count them (okay, he didn’t know how to count). There were fruits and berries in unlimited amounts and pup cups whenever he wanted. Oftentimes, grandpa came as well, and Piglet spent most of his time with him–they went for walks, they played, Piglet could run with all the sticks, he could zoom as much as he wanted, and then grandpa gave him treats, or let him nap in his study. 

As he ran along, Piglet noticed a whole lot of big trees, with lights and shiny balls on them. In fact, the whole house was decorated with shiny things and he was contemplating how he was going to get to some of them.

He and dad came to an agreement earlier in the day.

While Elain was sorting out insurance information at the vet’s, Azriel told Piglet the following,

“Not only do I know that you were faking all of this, so you could get food and attention, I also saw how you’ve been looking at the Christmas tree.”

At that, Piglet made a show of looking indifferent and almost surprised.

But dad, unfortunately, was too smart.

“Here is how it’s gonna go,” Azriel continued, also making a show of watching Elain, because he was always watching her, instead of what he was actually doing, which was scolding Piglet. “You will leave Ellie’s tree alone. You are not going to jump on it, poop under it, or try to tear any of the ornaments off. By the way, they are glass, and it won’t be fun for you, if you do. It’s mum’s tree, she loves it and you will remember that.

“In exchange,” he continued casually, “I will ask the vet not to stick anything up your butt.”

Piglet swallowed audibly.

He hated the vet so much.

And he especially hated it when they put things…up there. Which they did, almost every time. Thinking backwards, he was now regretting the whole flower-eating plan. It was stupid and he shouldn’t have done it.

“The tree stays, and nothing goes up your ass,” Azriel concluded. “If you attack the tree, I’ll tell the vet that he is free to do whatever he wants.”

Piglet quickly barked in agreement. The tree could stay.

“Wise move,” dad approved. 

True to his word, Piglet didn’t get anything stuck up in his butt. They gave him a pill, he had some diarrhoea in the park and that was that.

Mid-day, they all got dressed up and piled into the car. 

Piglet had to wear a tuxedo today–his black dungarees, a white shirt and a bow tie. Dad looked very similarly to him–he wore a tuxedo as well. Today, they were like a real father and son duo, and Piglet liked that. His Elain was dressed so prettily, in a beautiful dress, and she couldn’t touch him, because the dress was so fancy.

There was tension in the car, which Piglet didn’t understand. They humans spoke, but their tones were clipped and there was something going on that he couldn’t quite put his paw on. So when they reached their destination, he was very happy to get out of the car and run to find grandpa, because he was tired of the drama.

-

Rosehall.

That’s what the country seat of the Duke and Duchess of Velaris was called. Rosehall Manor.

Manor was an understatement of the century. It was an enormous estate, with over 10,000 acres of land around it, and a stately mansion with 140 rooms. Though technically it belonged to the current Duchess of Velaris, which was Nesta, the ownership documents stipulated that the house and the land belonged to all the female members of the family. The estate was shared equally between the three sisters, with all of their female cousins having access to it as well.

The family always celebrated Christmas with a formal Christmas Eve dinner–hence the tuxedos, followed by a more informal Christmas lunch the following day. 

It’s not that Azriel was unfamiliar with this level of wealth and old money extravagance, but this was something straight out of Downton Abbey or something. Legions of servants, footmen, maids, butlers, valets greeted them as he helped Elain out of the car. Once unclipped from his dog seat, Piglet dashed inside the manor, feeling perfectly adept with all this finery and not giving a fuck. Azriel envied him. 

Elain took his arm, a lovely smile plastered on her face, but he knew that things between them were tense, at best. She didn’t show it though. When they entered the foyer and then the reception hall, Azriel saw Rhysand and Feyre, posing on the grand staircase, while professionally-looking photos were being taken of the two of them. 

Feyre wore an opulent gown of heavy pale silk with sheer sleeves and neck, embroidered with all kinds of gems. She looked regal and bridal. And happy, draped over Rhys’s imposing, tuxedo-clad form. 

“Happy Christmas. Helios Day, Hello Magazine,” a man approached them, slick and professional, handsome and curious. He handed out his card, which Azriel absently thrust into his pocket.

“We are here to take Christmas photos of Lord and Lady Darling. Their nuptials were so unexpected–but we are lucky to have snagged the first interview and the first photos of them as a married couple.”

He then turned to Elain and said,

“Lady Elain, do you have a few words for the article? And then, if you don’t mind, we’d like to take a few photos of you and Mr. Night,”

Azriel was surprised how quickly the man recognised him, but he supposed that that was his job. 

“And then of course the Duchess of Velaris and Mr. Cassian Night as well…”

Azriel hid his smile. Cassian hasn’t even gone on one date with Nesta, and yet here they were, being photographed as if they were a couple. Apparently, Hello Magazine just christened them as one, and was going to declare it to the world. He wondered how well it was going to go over with Nesta. But Nesta had invited Cassian to Christmas dinner here, at her family home. She didn't have to, but she did act like he was something more than a guest, so perhaps, she wouldn’t be affronted by the insinuation that they were a couple.

Speaking of Nesta–she appeared in the reception hall, with Cassian looming behind her.

She looked beautiful, in a blue gown with a lace overlay, which fit her gorgeous body like a glove. 

The three sisters were pulled to the staircase, and photographed together. Feyre–the bride, Nesta–the blade, and Elain–the flower. 

He might have been biassed, but Elain looked the best. She also wore a lace gown, with a very intricate pattern, in a sophisticated shade of pink, and with a full skirt. She definitely looked like his little princess tonight. 

-

Dinner was a traditional, if elegant affair held in the Walnut Dining Room, and thankfully, Azriel was seated next to Elain. The Darlings were here too–meeting of the families and all–and it seemed like Sir Charles and Lord Darling knew each other from before, and found each other companionable and there wasn’t any odd tension to contend with. Nesta and her father played hosts, he recited grace and then dinner was served. 

There were platters of chilled seafood, blinis with caviar, and cold oysters to start off with, and bottles of champagne. The ubiquitous roast turkey was the main course, but it was stuffed with apples and chestnuts and tasted spectacular (for turkey). Indulgent dauphinoise potatoes, and roasted vegetables made Azriel think that he’d soon need to go on a diet. He was barely training, not playing, and eating apple crisps, and cheese, and bacon sandwiches every day because of Elain. He loved it. Loved every moment of it, but still…And speaking of cheeses–then the cheese course arrived and…well, he couldn’t say no. Lastly, there was trifle and Eton Mess for pudding.

“Interesting menu,” Azriel commented, attempting to start a conversation with Elain.

“It’s been the same since Victorian times,” she answered, sipping her coffee. “Curated by my great-great grandmother,”

“The infamous Elain,”

“Indeed. This is what the Duke of Velaris liked to eat, and what she enjoyed as well. It’s been the same for generations.”

“Not bad. Not bad at all. Beats Brussel sprouts and weird bread sauces.”

“She loved trifle, and he loved Eton Mess, so here we are.”

And then Elain smiled at him and Azriel realised that he lived for that smile.

-

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” 

Cassian’s booming voice sounded even louder in the glass enclosure of the Winter Garden. 

“I think all things considered, everything’s been going pretty well. Nes even agreed to get her photo taken with me. So I guess I am now ‘the boyfriend’.”

He snickered to himself at the idea.

“I think it took her by surprise.”

“But she didn’t say no,” Azriel noted. 

He had loosened his bowtie and took off his jacket. He’d come here after dinner, leaving the revelry behind, because guests began playing charades and Rhys even got behind the piano, urging everyone to sing along to Christmas carols. 

“So, what is it?” Cassian pressed, seating himself in a wicker armchair, not so close to Azriel that it would feel like a confessional, but close enough to listen.

Azriel shook his head with annoyance, and Cassian waited. 

He knew his brother.

Azriel would speak only when he was ready. And that is IF he even decided to speak. The man was not exactly in tune with his sensitive side. 

“Hey beastie the pug!” Cassian suddenly cried out and Azriel knew who he was talking about. “My little wingman–wingpug–got me together with Nes at Fey’s birthday. Come here, boy.”

Piglet trotted to Cassian and Cassian picked him up and laid him on his lap, and as soon as he did, Piglet promptly fell asleep. 

“I am alive! I am dead! I am asleep! I am running! I am dead again! I am asleep!” Cassian muttered, and Azriel couldn’t help but smile. That really was Piglet in a nutshell.

Suddenly, Azriel began speaking, and Cassian stilled, listening and not making a sound. 

“I don’t know what to do, Cass. Like she is driving me crazy. I am so consumed with her, I can hardly think straight. Everything is her. Every word, every gesture. I over-analyse all of it until I give myself a headache. If I don’t talk to her, I stalk her social media, to see if she posted anything…I have this photo of her that she sent me a while back. She was wearing my jersey in it, it was before that game with Liverpool. And I’ve looked at it so many times now, I think I’ve poked a hole in my phone screen. 

“My thoughts…I scare myself sometimes. If she ever said no to me, if she tried to break it off, I think I would kidnap her, Cass. I would steal her and I would keep her in a cage,”

“Whoa,” Cassian breathed.

“I know. And I’d feed her my dick when she got hungry.”

“Az,”

“No, you don’t understand. She is everything to me, Cass. I want to hear her voice first thing in the morning. I want her face next to mine. I fucking want her to submit to me and be fucking mine!”

“I am assuming we are talking about Elain,” Cassian said carefully.

“No. About Kevin!” Azriel snapped.

“Okay, okay. But–I don’t understand–aren’t you with her already? Aren’t you two dating?”

“We are…kind of,” Azriel agreed. “But it’s like she has this wall around her that I can’t seem to penetrate. It’s tug and pull all the time. She is so skittish with her feelings,”

“Elain?” Cassian confirmed in disbelief. 

“Yes! Elain. You think only Nesta is all prickly and cold? You’d think Elain would love all the lame couple things! But no. The moment I push even a little bit, she pulls back, as if she is scared…I’d never hurt her!”

“But others have,” Cassian said reasonably. “Wasn’t she engaged once? And the bloke cheated on her? And her current one–he is AWOL too,”

“I am her ‘current one’!!!” Azriel snarled viciously.

“Okay, sorry, I know,” Cassian said quickly. “That’s not what I meant, you know,”

“That’s exactly how she thinks as well! That somehow, this isn’t real. We are not real. That one day, I would walk away like those other cunts. But that’s not me. She’d have to cut me out of her with a knife,”

“Mate, enough with the graphic imagery today!” Cassian raised his arms defensively. “I just ate.”

“We had a fight today,” Azriel muttered. “A really stupid fight,”

“Aren’t most fights stupid?”

Azriel ignored him.

“What happened?”

“We had to take Pink to the vet,” Azriel explained. “And she texted me something in the car and when it popped up on my phone, she saw what she is saved under,”

“Which is what?” 

“Mrs. Night.”

“Oh, well…” Cassian didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“And she flipped out!” Azriel snapped. “She yelled at me and said that it’s too soon, that she didn’t ‘sign up for this’, that we’ve only known each other for a little over two months, and that I am–and I quote–her client!”

Cassian sighed. He sympathised with his brother, but he also understood Elain.

“Maybe you are moving too fast and it’s scaring her?”

“Oh, fuck off! This is not what I need to hear,”

“Maybe you need to give her a bit of space,”

“Out of the question,” Azriel said sharply. “I am not giving her any fucking space. She is mine. She was born to be mine. I love her and I will make her mine. She will be Mrs. Night. She will carry and birth my children. And we’ll die on the same day.”

“Well, I am glad to see that you are not all weird and intense about it,” Cassian said helplessly.

Azriel buried his face in his hands, shaking his head.

Cassian gently lifted Piglet off his lap and picked him up, cradling him to his chest. Then he got up from the chair and proceeded to give the worst piece of advice that he could possibly give.

“Why don’t you stop obsessing and do what she asks of you. Don’t push. Dial back the intensity like 134%. If she asks you for something, just do it, and show her that you’d be there for her. That when she needs you to do something, you’d do it.”

“Like I haven’t been,” Azriel groaned. 

“Just keep going. Don’t talk about babies and how you’ll make her Mrs. Night. And I’d keep quiet about the cage thing too.

“It’s not a big thing, you know. It’s just a little fight. Everyone has those. Elain just need a bit of time.”

“So, do what she asks?”

“Yeah,” Cassian shrugged. “Do what she asks.”

-

**The song that Elain and Azriel danced to is called “Work’ by Charlotte Day Wilson

The Archeron sisters Christmas dresses (left to right: Feyre, Nesta and Elain)

[ginnyw-potter]

The book that writes written for @hinnymicrofic, January prompt 6: stubborn In an AU where they grow a little closer a little earlier, helping each other work through their nightmares

“I know you’re angry, but will you please come inside at least?” Mr Weasley tried.

Ginny remained curled up, staring out into the garden and didn’t reply.

“Ginny…” he tried again.

She shook her head. “They had no right! And it was not a funny joke.”

“They were completely out of line, and I’ve told them that.” Mr Weasley sighed. “They’re grounded for a very long time. Come inside please.”

“No.”

Mr Weasley let out a frustrated grunt. “You’re as stubborn as your mother!”

Harry stood up. Mr Weasley looked at him.

“I’ll give it a try.”

Mr Weasley smiled politely. “Be my guest.”

Harry stepped outside in the cold and sat down beside her, leaving a good distance between them. He didn’t speak, he simply sat there.

“I have nightmares, all the time.” Her voice quivered. “I will never be able to forget it.”

Harry had watched with dread as she opened the unsuspecting book on the table and it began writing by itself. “I don’t think they meant for you to find it, but they shouldn’t have created it.”

“Do you remember? When you wrote to it?” She looked over at him carefully.

He gave a short nod. “It seemed innocent at first.”

Ginny let out a long sigh. “I won’t sleep for days now, and no one understands but…” She looked over at him. He did, not precisely in the same way, but he understood the terror of it all.

“Hermione is with you,” he offered.

Ginny shook her head. “She sleeps like a log!”

“Can I help? Is there any way…?” he asked her with a frown.

Her feet shuffled and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself. “How do you deal with it?”

“I get up and go downstairs, look at the stars and have a glass of water. I know remaining in bed is useless…” He shrugged, it wasn’t much but if it helped. “You can wake me if you like, Ron sleeps like a log too.”

“I wouldn’t want to bother you in the middle of the night,” she said softly.

Harry shook his head. “Sometimes I get stuck in a bad dream, wishing someone would come rescue me from it. That could be you.” He offered her a reserved smile.

“Okay.” She smiled a little. “You can wake me too, I definitely could use someone to rescue me from my dreams.”

“That’s a deal then.” He looked towards the Burrow. Mr Weasley was looking through the window, holding a steaming cup of tea. “We should go inside before your dad drags both of us back in.”

She unfolded her arms and sat up a little straighter. “Fine.”

[garb-rage]

“So what if it’s raining!” | Kyle Broflovski x Gn!Reader | PT. 1

🛼 - Summary - Sheila and Gerald Broflovski had planned a date night the weekend of, and set Kyle in charge of babysitting Ike. Kyle, getting extremely bored, invited you over to help and hang out with the two brothers.

- Pairing(s) - Kyle Broflovski x reader

🛼 - Reader Info- reader LOVES rain, unestablished relationship, mutual unspoken crush, fluff kind of, Reader and Kyle are 18!

- Warnings - Canadian character (ike) 😨

🛼 - NOTE - Hey hey! I’ll have part two posted in a day or so, hope this is alright so far! 😁 also this isn’t proofread so I’ll have to do that in a bit 💀

………………………………………………………

“UNO!”

There’s no fucking way.

You groaned.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you flopped backwards onto the rugged carpet of the Broflovski household in defeat. Your cards flew everywhere, uncaring of the slight mess made.

“Of course, just my luck” You huffed, shifting your head away from the boys sitting before you.

There wasn’t anything you despised more than playing card games with that of Kyle fuckin Broflovski, a teen-prodigy at whatever the hell game you guys decided to bring out next. Despite the “luck”-based system of the current one standing before you on the coffee table, you could have sworn there was some sort of “master-mind” strategy to the entire schtick. It was Uno for goodness sake. It had to have been a set up. He had to have…peered into the future or something.

Whatever.

With an award winning smile, and eyebrows that signaled two-sided pity, Kyle couldn’t help but shrug at your sour attitude. He laughed before he could mutter any apologies, cleaning up the cards littered around your body. “Sorry dude, but I warned you not to play Uno with me. Ike already knows, yet you just had to drag him into this game, huh?”

As if on cue, his little brother pretended to let out a shrill cry of shared defeat.

You sat back up, comforting Ike’s dramatics and ruffled his hair. You stared daggers at Kyle, who was still smugly shuffling through the mass of card games scattered about. It was an outrage. “I’m SORRY! I thought you were all talk dude! The past seven other games were nothing but PLANNED SCHEMES BY YOU! Go-fish, UNO, whatever, you just won them all!”

He scoffed, not looking up at you once. “Guess we’re not counting Ike’s win at solitaire, then?”

All you could do was lovingly punch Kyle, and roll your eyes. He jumped back and laughed a defensive “HEY!” before he could have been attacked any further. Ike cheered, you stood up, and the red-head pretended to cower in fear on the floor, forgetting any of the cards he had been previously sorting. “Smartass” you muttered with a grin.

“Yeah, smartass!” Ike mirrored.

Oh lord, neither of you were the paragon of what the boy should have been looking up to, and it showed. Kyle and you laughed before you crouched back down to help clean up the card games. Your friend sighed, rolling his eyes in a half-assed scold. “Don’t repeat that to mom and dad, Ike, they’ll kill me.”

Smartass? You quirked your eyebrows up in confusion, tilting your head slightly at the notion. “Kill you? I mean, come on, He’s old enough now, it’s not like he doesn’t know things.” You joked, side-eyeing Kyle while putting away the final boxes of the card games. He sighed in response, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head as if recalling a troubling memory. “Yeah, but you haven’t seen our mom when she hears that type of stuff, she goes crazy. So honestly, it’s best if he just stops using that-“

Just then, cutting him off, the lights of the household shut off without any warning. A flash outside the windows rumbled the friendly peace between the three, signaling any nearby residents of an unexpected thunderstorm. Blanketed in sudden darkness, a certain little boy screamed, and ran into an unsuspecting wall.

“Of course, goddammit…UGHHH. A thunderstorm? Really? Hold on guys, give me a second-” Kyle exclaimed, hurriedly fumbling around his pockets for a phone. He grumbled while your excitement suddenly shone through an inky, housed darkness. Finding your phone before your frazzled friend could, you happily tapped the screen and went straight towards the flashlight function. “It’s ok Ike, I’ve got you, don’t run into anymore walls, please.”

A boom, a thunderous crash, and a harrowing plummet of thick drops pelted the house as the little boy hid behind your legs in childish fear.

Storms like these weren’t uncommon in South Park, no, but it felt like it had been forever since the last one wreaked havoc onto the little town, and you always looked forward to them. Despite the setbacks of, well, almost all power going out across town, it was always worth it for the refreshing moments of an insane storm.

“It’s ok Kyle I’ve got my phone now- Ike, dude we should check out the storm! I haven’t seen one like this in AGES!”

Phone now in hand and sporting a tired look of disinterest, Kyle aptly declined. “No. No way, sorry. It’s raining. Shit like this ruins my hair like crazy, and now I’ve got to wait for our stupid power to come back on.” He muttered. Thankfully for you, you had a problem caring, and swiftly walked towards the entrance of the back door, much to your friend’s dismay.

“So what if it’s raining! What comes AFTER a storm is the most beautiful thing ever to look forward to!” You turned back, shifting your gaze towards the two brothers, grinning like a mad man.

As if to compliment your joy, another shattering flash of crisp thunder filled the air, illuminating the rain waiting outside of the Broflovski household. “You’re crazy.” Kyle simply stated, unblinking and unmoving. “I hate how dark our house is.” Was all Ike blathered, moving closer to his brother.

The sway against the boys wasn’t enough, yet despite this, you knew they were going to get FOMO sooner or later with how treacherous the noises outside were. So, without saying another word and a knowing smile, you opened the door to the backyard and ran around as if your life depended on it. And boy, was it worth it. You couldn’t hear the frustrated call of your name over the sound of icy threads weaving the air and sinking into the ground all around you. Laughing and circling around the now mushy grass, a wonderful wave of cold shivered throughout your body, igniting a beautiful adrenaline only such weather could unlock.

“DUDE! YOU’RE GOING TO CATCH A COLD!” You heard over the loudness of the rain. Turning around, you saw what appeared to be a disgruntled silhouette holding a shoddy phone-flashlight, and a stern look chiseled onto the features of a displeased red-head. A typical stance to see him in, and not the last time you’d see it either. Your water-lodged eyes spottet a shorter shadow peering around the taller one, slightly illuminated by the faint light of an IPhone, obviously curious about the weather before him.

Pretending not to hear Kyle, you joyously beckoned Ike over to the backyard, hands outstretched and drenched in water. You grinned, still uncaring of the shivering circumstances.

“COME ONNN, I KNOW YOU GUYS WANT TO! LOOK HOW MUCH FUN IM HAVING OUT HERE!” You spun around and laughed. “SOOOO MUCH FUN!”

Not even a moment passed by before you saw the smaller shadow jolting towards the backyard. Of course! You knew IKE would at least eventually cave, and how could you resist rain like this! The weather was sure to ruin any tidiness the two of you held; tangled hair and drenched clothing, leaving behind frantic smiles plastered onto the faces outside. It was horrifyingly comical, much to the chagrin of Kyle.

And honestly, huge win for you, because now that you had won over your friend’s little brother, the two of you were UNSTOPPABLE!

“IKE NO!- Oh my god…”

PT 1. | PT. 2

[misteria247]

Bro can y'all imagine if 12 Leo got turned into a little kid?

Like they're already in a rather stressful situation as is. Having the Rise gang with them and the craziness of mystics and yokai, it's just a big mess. And it gets even bigger when the 12 boys and Rise boys are fighting some magical yokai one night, and one of them goes to aim at one of the boys and 12 Leo in typical mom fashion doesn't hesitate to throw himself in front of the attack taking the blunt of it. It's a bright poof of light and sparks and 12 Raph, 12 Donnie and 12 Mikey are freaking the fuck out because holy shit their big brother just got hit. The dust settles and standing or rather sitting in the same spot that the eldest Hamato was a small turtle tot with big blue eyes full of confusion and slight nervousness. The group goes dead silent before chaos erupts and it's during this that the yokai ends up slipping away.

Leaving the two groups of turtles with a deaged 12 Leo.

They have no choice but to take him home, where Rise Splinter and Draxum take one look at 12 Leo and are instantly shooting questions at the boys, trying to figure out everything they can to try and fix this mess. Till then the 12 gang and Rise gang become babysitters to 12 Leo because they can't exactly just let the toddler wander all by himself. They're basically like:

"It'll be okay, this is Lee after all! This should be a pretty easy mission to accomplish till we can change him back to normal! It'll be a breeze cuz he's such a calm and pleasant turtle!"

Only they're wrong.

Turtle tot 12 Leo is a fucking menace surprisingly. He gets into things he's not supposed to be in, runs around with a knife at several points, is hella mischievous and sneaky and pulls little pranks on unsuspecting residents in the lair (he's claimed 12 Raph and Rise Donnie as his main go to's to reek havoc upon cuz they give the best reactions). They also discovered a habit turtle tot 12 Leo had back when he was little in the form of Rise Raph receiving it and letting out a pained yelp.

Turns out 12 Leo is a bitter.

And he bites hard.

It's basically chaos. The only ones who are able to somewhat keep up with the mischievous leader is Rise Leo, Rise Mikey and 12 Mikey because they're just as chaotic as 12 Leo is. 12 Leo also behaves around Rise Splinter and Draxum as well as 12 April and Rise April. 12 Casey and Rise Cassandra on the other hand encourage his bad behavior. 12 Donnie is desperately trying to help Rise Donnie and Draxum figure out how to fix this disaster. Finally it gets to the point where they realize that they're going to have to hunt down the one who caused this situation to happen. There's just one problem.

They don't have anyone to watch him.

So Rise Leo ends up coming up with a solution, though how well it'll work out is a mystery to him and his brothers. So Rise Leo trudging 12 Leo along with him with Rise Raph hovering nearby like a mother hen and 12 Raph being completely unsure about the situation, with their little brothers eyeing the entire scene, goes to the place of his only hope.

When Senor Hueso opens the door he's far from amused.

The skeleton yokai at first thinks it's one of Rise Leo's attempts at a joke but as the red eared slider explains the situation he just gets more and more exhausted hearing it. At first he tells him no, going along the lines of:

"Can't your padre do it for you?"

Only to be met with:

"Dad said that while he loves Lee too death he's really not in the best shape to watch a hyper active toddler."

And they continue this little back and forth till Senor Hueso finally gives in with an exasperated groan and finally takes 12 Leo, becoming a babysitter while the group goes out to find the yokai who caused this. Once they're alone the skeleton yokai at first is somewhat indifferent about it, keeping a close eye socket on 12 Leo, who's a bit quiet and hesitant around the skeleton. However as time passes Senor Hueso starts to notice just how mischievous this little blue turtle tot is and notices how he's a lover of silly jokes and puns. It reminds him a lot of Rise Leo who's constantly going on and on with his ramblings and quips, only in toddler speak now.

Before he realizes it he's interacting with 12 Leo, going along with his trouble making mischief around his home and pizzeria. Senor Hueso and 12 Leo soon are joined at the hip, the skeleton yokai giving him dry little quips such as:

"Does my femur taste delicious little togua?"

And 12 Leo who's bitting his arm in a somewhat gnawing way goes:

"Too dry."

And Senor Hueso just let's out this little amused rattling laugh at the boy's blunt answer. The older man would end up making him a pizza filling a bit prideful when the turtle tot takes a bite and his eyes grow wide in a sparkling childish delight. Time passes by quickly and soon the 12 boys and Rise boys are back at Senor Hueso's place to pick up 12 Leo, empty handed and thanking him for watching the little blue turtle. The skeleton yokai just shrugs it off and goes:

"It wasn't too bad. I wouldn't mind watching the little nino again should it be necessary."

And once that's out there Senor Hueso basically becomes the second babysitter to 12 Leo till he's back to normal. Just a tired bone dry humorous skeleton yokai with a ball of energy tiny turtle tot.

When everything's said and done 12 Leo back to normal would thank Senor Hueso in his embarrassed awkward way and Rise Leo would tease the skeleton yokai mercilessly for being basically a babysitter to the eldest Hamato child. Senor Hueso will just give his friend unamused looks and shot back with his own quips in relation to his teasing.

And if Senor Hueso ends up making 12 Leo's favorite pizza whenever he stops by, well that's for the skeleton yokai to know.

[aniraklova]

Terrance Vellard for @jonquilyst Total Drama Sims

Terrance Vellard, the hotheaded goofball, grew up in the heart of a bustling city. Raised in a family of a lawyer and teacher. Conservative dad wishes that Terry should be more like him, meanwhile mother appreciates his son's attitude and personality. "Eh, my old man is so boring, when he tells a joke, even the crickets stay silent. What did mom found in him? Huh."

Despite his hotheaded nature, Terry is a goofball at heart, known for his pranks and humor. Terry likes to pull pranks on his dad all the time and quite often it ends him to be grounded for weeks. "One day I put in my dad's fancy briefcase lots of rubber chickens. I can imagine his face during that important meeting where he takes it out, and the noise, muahahah! Aaaand I got grounded for weeks, but it was worth it. Do you really think I was at home while grounded?" Terry likes to spend his free time on urban streets, racing on his skateboard with MP3, dodging the traffic, feeling the pulse of the city, and drowning out his dad's lectures with music in his headphones. The reason Terry wants to go to Total Drama is to have some fun and cause mischievous chaos among the contestants. Maybe find a girlfriend? He's totally ready and wants anything wildly dramatic that Total Drama can offer. "....I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to jump into this funny mess and cause troubles on an island filled with drama and unsuspecting contestants? Dude, the show was made just for me!"

[novamariestark]

DBF!Tallahassee x f!reader (AU)

Summary: When you find out your boyfriend has been cheating on you for a year, you go to stay at your dad's place only to find his best friend there, dog-sitting.

Warnings: Smut, possible cringe cus i still suck at smut, oral (f receiving), PIV, age gap, rough sex, use of pet names (baby girl, daddy) 🔞 18+

Word count: 3159 (This one is longer than I expected)

Fandom: Zombieland

Pairing: DBF!Tallahassee x f!reader (AU, no apocalypse)

[A/N] This one seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm about to post it and I think it's bad 😭 but Imma post anyway.

You couldn't believe it. It had been sudden, like a rug yanked out from under your feet. You had just returned home from a long day at work, a day that was filled with stress and deadlines. All you had wanted was to unwind and cuddle up to the person you loved, Liam.

You entered your shared apartment, feeling the weight of the day still pressing down on your shoulders. You dropped your bag on the floor, let out a deep sigh, and called out for Liam. No answer. You frowned, wondering if he had gone out to grab some groceries or was perhaps taking a shower. You decided to make yourself a cup of tea while you waited for him.

As you stood in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, your gaze wandered over to Liam's phone, which was charging on the counter. It was then that you noticed the screen had lit up with a new message notification. Curiosity got the best of you, and your eyes fixated on the screen. The message read, "I'll come over when she's asleep."

Your heart raced as you re-read those words. Your initial reaction was to dismiss it as some kind of inside joke, something you just didn't understand. But the sinking feeling in your chest refused to be ignored. You knew you had to investigate further. Your hand trembling, you reached for Liam's phone, and without thinking, you unlocked it. Your heart pounded, threatening to break free as you opened the message thread.

What you found was a string of messages that unveiled a heartbreaking truth. It was a conversation with a woman named Emma, a name you had never heard Liam mention. The messages painted a vivid picture of an affair that had been going on right under your nose. Your stomach twisted in knots as you read the sexual exchanges between the two.

You felt a rush of emotions coursing through you – anger, sadness, disbelief, and a deep sense of betrayal. How could the person you had loved and trusted more than anyone else have been unfaithful to you?

Tears welled up in your eyes as you scrolled through the messages. You felt your world shatter, and it was as if the ground beneath you gave way.

Your mind raced with questions. How long had this been going on? How had you missed the signs? And the message that had initially caught your attention – "I'll come over when she's asleep" – it was an indication that not only did the betrayal take place right in your own home but you were actually there. Sleeping. It was too much to bear.

There you stood in the kitchen, holding his phone in your trembling hands, the kettle behind you whistled, but you didn't move. You couldn’t. The hot tears streamed down your face as the truth continued to sink in.

***

Your hands were still trembling as you stood in the kitchen. Your heart felt heavy, and your mind was a swirling pool of emotions. The kettle behind you whistled impatiently, its shrill sound piercing through the deafening silence of the room. But you barely noticed it.

Moments later, you heard the soft click of the bathroom door, followed by the patter of Liam's bare feet on the tiled floor. He emerged, wrapped in a towel, his hair still damp from the shower. His face broke into a warm, unsuspecting smile when he saw you, who, in that moment, was like a deer caught in headlights.

"Liam," you finally managed to say, your voice quivering. He raised an eyebrow, his smile faltering as he sensed the gravity of the situation. The air in the room grew thick with tension as you held up his phone, displaying the damning messages.

"What's this, Liam?" you asked, your voice breaking with a mix of anger and hurt. "Who's Emma, and why is she saying that she'll come over when I'm asleep?" your eyes bore into his, seeking answers that you dreaded to hear.

Liam's eyes widened, and the color drained from his face as he realized what he had walked into. Panic and guilt flashed across his features before he quickly composed himself. "Y/N, it's not what it looks like," he stammered, his voice unconvincing.

You took a step closer, your expression hardening, "Then please, Liam, explain it to me. I deserve the truth." Your hands clutched the phone tighter.

Liam ran a hand through his wet hair, his eyes darting around the room, searching for a way out of this predicament. He let out a deep sigh before admitting, "Okay, you're right. It's not what it looks like. Emma is just a friend, and those messages... They're taken out of context."

Your brows furrowed in disbelief. "Out of context? Liam, it says, 'I'll come over when she's asleep.' What other context am I missing here?"

He dropped his gaze, avoiding your intense stare, his shoulders slumping. "I should have explained earlier. Emma is a coworker, and she was just talking about helping me with a work project. She knows we have opposite schedules, so that's why she mentioned coming over when you're asleep. It's purely work-related, I swear."

You scoffed, “Work-related?” you scrolled up the message thread a little bit and paused on a picture. A picture of a blonde woman, in lingerie, “Is this work-related? Your half-naked co-worker. Let’s see what was said before this,” you scrolled up a bit more, “She says ’I bought this for you, your favourite colour,’ Is that fucking work-related?!”

He looked up at you with regret in his eyes. "Baby, it means nothing, she means nothing,"

“How long has this been going on?” you asked, your voice trembling, afraid of the answer but you needed to know. He didn’t answer, he looked down at his wrinkled fingertips, avoiding the daggers in your eyes, “How fucking long, Liam!”

“About a year,”

You took a shuddering breath, your voice barely above a whisper. "A year? How could you do this to me?"

 "Did you ever love me at all?" you asked, taking a step back every time he took one towards you.

“Of course, I do. I’ve always loved you,” he said,

“Then why?” you paused, trying to gather your voice to ask the next question, “Why wasn’t I enough?”

“It started when you went on your work trips, you were gone weeks at a time baby,”

“Ooh, I’m sorry, was my job getting in the way of your sex life?”

“So you're telling me you never fucked someone when you were away?' he asked, your face reddened as the heat of anger rose within you.

“No! I fucking didn’t. I wouldn’t do that,”

“Y/N, I'm sorry,” Liam started. He slowly stood up and tried to move closer to you but you just stepped back. “I should have never done it. I was so lonely and I don't want to lose you. I wasn't thinking,” he said, ashamed.

“Oh really?” you asked, he nodded, “If it was just because you were lonely, why the fuck is she coming here when I’m here, huh?”

“She’s different,”

“She’s different?” you shook your head, rushing past him to your shared bedroom to pack. You couldn't stay in the same apartment with him, not after this.

With tear-stained cheeks, you entered the room, memories of happier times assaulted you. The bed you had shared, the photographs on the wall, the whispers of love and laughter that had once filled the space – they all seemed tainted now. You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand.

You moved with a quickly. You began to gather your belongings, selecting only the essentials. Your clothes, toiletries, a few cherished mementos – these were the things that mattered to you now. The tears that had streamed down your face earlier had given way to a steely resolve. You wouldn't let this define you. You deserved better. You zipped up your suitcase, a heavy sigh escaping your lips.

You paused for a moment, taking one last look around the room. Your eyes landed on a framed picture of you and Liam. With a trembling hand, you picked up the picture and threw it at the wall.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked back into the living room. Liam was still sitting there, his eyes red from tears and his face a portrait of remorse. But it was too late.

You stood before him, your voice steady, "She can come here whenever she likes. I'm leaving. We're done," you declared, your words echoing with finality.

He watched as you walked to the door, your footsteps and the slamming of the front door marking the end of your life together.

***

You arrived at your father's house, hoping to stay there for a while whilst you look for an apartment. You let yourself in, as you usually did when you visited the house and was greeted by the joyful barking of your father's dog, Buddy. You smiled through your tears as the fluffy golden retriever padded over to you. You dropped your bag and fell to your knees to give him a big hug.

You scrunched your eyebrows as your father’s best friend Tallahassee emerged from the kitchen with a warm smile, “Hey Tal, where’s my dad?” you asked, raising from your kneeling position but still keeping a hand in Buddy’s golden mane.

“He’s on a work trip,” he replied, he then nodded towards Buddy, “I’m dog-sitting,” when you were standing straight, he saw you tear-stained face and tired, sad eyes, “What happened, sweetheart?”

You didn’t answer, you just broke down in tears. Tallahassee stepped forward, his tall frame dwarfing yours. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you towards him. You melted into his embrace, sobbing into his shoulder, your body trembling with the intensity of your tears. Tallahassee stroked your hair and whispered soothing words, "It's okay, Y/N. Let it out. I'm here,"

His presence, his smell, the strength in his arms, and the soothing rhythm of his touch all worked together to calm you down. In that moment, you felt safe. So, you focused on him. The feeling of him. You probably shouldn't, he’s your dad’s best friend but right now, you didn’t care.

As the minutes passed, your sobs gradually subsided, and you pulled away from the embrace, you met Tal's gaze, your eyes still filled with vulnerability and in you fucked up emotional state. You kissed him. And for a crazy second, you could’ve sworn he kissed you back, but he pulled away from you, completely. You suddenly felt naked at the loss of his arms around you and you longed to have the back, “We can’t do that, sweetheart,”

“I’m sorry,”

“It’s fine, you’re just upset. You’ve had a hell of a day,”

His rejection strangely hurt you more than everything else you’d been through today. Sure he was a handsome man and you used to have a massive crush on him, but you thought you were over that. But it must have been because of Liam. When you were with him, you only had eyes for him. No one else mattered. But with him eradicated from your life, old feelings came rushing back.

Tallahassee cleared his throat, breaking the silence and said, “Why don't we make some food?”

You gave him a grateful smile and nodded. Taking your hand, Tallahassee led you to the couch and sat you down, “Relax, watch something and I will make you a delicious meal,”

He disappeared to the kitchen where he began to gather the ingredients for a simple yet comforting meal for you. The clinking of pots and pans, the sizzle of vegetables in a pan, and the aroma of food cooking filled the air.

He returned to the living room with a plate of steaming food for you. It was a hearty, homemade vegetable stir-fry, it’s delicious scent inviting you to eat. "Here you go," Tal said, placing the plate in front of you. "I hope you like it."

You smiled gratefully as you picked up your fork. You took a bite, savoring the flavors, and found yourself moaning at the taste of it. Something that was a compliment to his cooking, but was torture for Tallahassee. Despite telling you ‘no’ earlier, he wanted to say ‘yes’ but you were vulnerable and surely that was the only reason you kissed him, so he had to say no. But he couldn’t help his wondering mind as you wrapped your lips around the fork as you ate, savouring every drop. Thinking how good you’d look with your pretty mouth around his cock, disappearing as you take him fully, to the back of your throat.

Tallahassee entered the kitchen the next morning to you rummaging through the cabinets with nothing but a long t-shirt and your panties on full display. Your panties were thin, and practically see-through, leaving barely anything to the imagination.

He stood in the doorway, admiring your curves as you tried to reach a top shelf. He couldn't resist any longer. He slowly crossed the room and pressed his bulge up against your ass.

He grabbed your arm and pinned it to your back, as his other hand grabbed the back of your neck and pushed you face first onto the counter. You gasped, but then a moan escaped your lips as she realized who it was and that turned you on.

Tallahassee knew that he had crossed a line, but he couldn't stop. He kissed your neck softly, then slowly began exploring your body with his hands. You moaned and arched your back, desperate for more. Desperate for him to touch you where you were already soaked.

His hand lets go of your arms, "Keep them there," he ordered. You nodded as best you could, the sweat of your face causing your skin to stick to the smooth surface.

Tallahassee hooked his fingers in your underwear and pulled them down, his body following them until he was face to face with your dripping heat. His warm breath sends shivers down your spine.

His fingers started to trace a slow circle around your clit, “This for me, babygirl?” He asked as he dragged a finger down your folds, collecting some of the juices pooling there. He put his finger in his mouth, sucking your wetness from his finger and making a satisfying moan.

“Yes, god yes, it’s for you,” you panted, practically moaning in anticipation of his next move. You were surprised at how turned on you were and he’d barely touched you.

“Thank God, I’m starving,” he said, you didn’t have time to reply before he dived in, licking, sucking and biting your clit. It was unlike anything you ever felt before. Sure, Liam ate you out, but it never felt this good.

The pleasure only got better when Tallahassee started pumping two long fingers into your seeping hole, as deep as they would go, hooking them every so often. A loud moan escaped your lips as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. The familiar feeling began to build but it felt stronger this time. Different. Your body was on fire, unlike anything you have ever felt before.

“Tal.. I’m gonna-”

“Cum for me, baby girl,” he mumbled against your clit, and that was it. Your orgasm hit you hard. Your legs became weak. In a matter of minutes, Tallahassee had turned you into a whimpering mess. He smirked against you, his strong arms secure your body, so you don’t fall. He felt your warm liquid spreading over his two fingers still buried inside you.

You had never felt anything like it. You tried to catch your breath as the last of your pleasure drained away.

“Did he not touch you like that?”

You reached out to touch him, your fingertips desperate, as you let out a whimper, “It didn't feel as good as you,” you said softly, your voice heavy with desire, “Please fuck me,” you begged, your body quivering as you waited for his answer.

Tallahassee rose from his knees, standing behind you, “Are you sure?”

“Please,” you whimpered pathetically.

He pushed your head back against the kitchen counter as his hands quickly wrapped around your neck to hold you in place. His grip was strong and tight, allowing no room to move. He moved his lips to your ear, “Any time you want to stop, we’ll stop,” he whispered, placing a gentle kiss behind your ear.

He kicked your legs further apart and suddenly he impaled you with his cock. You moaned at the sudden intrusion. It felt big. Bigger than your ex, than any ex.

As the pleasure coursed throughout your body, you begged again, “Use me, daddy.”

He complied with your request, his hands clutching your hips tightly as he pounded you hard. He was using you to take care of his physical needs and you loved it. It was exactly what you needed. Sure sleeping with the first guy you see probably isn’t the best way to get over a break up but if they fucked you stupid like Tallahassee was doing right now, it’d be a miracle if you remember your own name.

He grunted, pushing himself deeper and deeper inside of you with each hit of his hips. You closed your eyes, your body writhing and trembling as you got closer and closer to your second orgasm. You moan and gasp as the pain of his rough thrusting only turns you on even more.

One of his hands move to your hair, creating a makeshift ponytail whilst the other hooks under your chin, pulling your body up off the counter and towards his chest. The new angle allowed him to hit you in just the right spot and soon you felt yourself clench around his shaft.

“I’m right behind you, baby girl,”

With one final thrust, your entire body shook. Strings of curses left Tallahassee’s mouth as he quickly withdrew before he came inside you. Oh, how he wanted to fill you up but he didn’t want to explain to his best friend that he got his daughter pregnant. You whimper at the loss, suddenly feeling empty. His huge arms wrapped around your torso as he brought his lips to you silky smooth shoulder.

He effortlessly picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. He went to get up and leave but your arm stopped him.

“Please stay,”

For a moment he told himself it was a bad idea, and that what had happened shouldn’t have, but your sweet, small voice was like a siren, beckoning him towards you. He finally climbed in next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you onto his chest.

For the rest of the night, you stayed there, tucked safely in his arms.

[tobyyobyy]

carl grimes headcannons because we lack of anything for him and i can (most, if not all, are just non-apocalypse headcannons):

- autistic (we are starting off strong here)

- vocally stims vines sometimes (“road work ahead? uh yeah i sure hope it does”, “look at all those chickens”, “i wanna be a cowboy baby”) (he does that last one in front of rick a lot and rick never understands it’s from vine)

- judith: “daddy?”

- carl: “DO I LOOK LIKE-?”

- glenn taught him a lot of stupid jokes like “ligma” and “joe mama” (the usual college kid jokes)

- would use the “joe mama” joke on judith a lot

- judith would retaliate with ligma jokes (“we have the same mom idiot”)

- no one knows where she learnt that one

- loved science as a kid

- switched between wanting to become a cop like rick or an astronomer

- thought about being a palaeontologist but couldn’t see himself doing it for the rest of his life

- didn’t have a lot of friends but was still liked by other kids anyways (doesn’t mean he’s popular, people are just neutral about him)

- is on a swim team

- just likes swimming in general

- MOMMA’S BOY!!!!!

- then lori died so he made that transition over to his dad…yeah

- keeps his hair long and went through that teenage grunge phase

- listens to bands like oasis, los campensinos, nirvana, foo fighters, etc etc

- his parents music taste would sneak in sometimes tho like fleetwood mac, abba (lori) bob dylan, johnny cash (rick), any 80’s songs and old country (below the 70’s)

- because of that grunge phase he’d 100% play the electric guitar

- his grandpa taught him a bit of acoustic whenever they’d visit

- he plays the acoustic sometimes for judith, or anyone in his family who asks, but mainly judith

- plays more chill songs like something you’d find in the ‘life is strange’ soundtrack (bright eyes, angus and julia stone, iron & wine) (most of those are from enid’s music taste)

- rick and michonne let him use the garage but it still drives them up the walls when he jams out with friends

- doesn’t understand the superbowl but because his dad likes it he makes an effort to watch it with him because no one else will

- jump scares any unsuspecting victim when they turn the corner of a wall

- to calm down whenever he’s stressed/overwhelmed/overstimulated he’ll either go swimming or ask his grandparents to come over (they own a farm) to ride some horses

- allergic to peanuts (not pecans because they had to eat some when they met Gabriel so)

- hates anything deep fried except for fish

- terrible in any form of skating

- roller skating? keeps slamming into the wall

- ice skating? uses those kid-balance-crutches-thingys

- he just has terrible coordination

- obviously gets worse when he looses his eye

- he’s good at bowling tho

- even tho he’s a moody teenager he’s EXTREMELY kind

- switches from sciences to arts and english in high school

- started making little family portraits drawings

- can actually understand old english/shakespeare

- makes blanket forts with judith 24/7

- actually does have a southern accent it’s just more like loris (less noticeable than ricks)

- would 100% watch minecraft youtubers

- bisexual little shit (duh)

- when he was a kid he didn’t have a fear of needles but as he grew up he just DESPISED them like shaking screaming crying and throwing up type deal

- hums a lot to judith, usually the song “baby mine”

- snapchat user

- embarrassingly so. especially when he uses the filters

- has a diary and calls it a diary not a journal

- drops trauma like it’s nothing, like a silly joke (this is basically canon but i’ll still include it in)

- headphones on 24/7 might as well be glued to his head (his ears are too small for earphones and he likes soundproof headphones anyways)

- an entire shelf in his closet is just for comics (and some comics are thin so you can imagine how many he has)

- likes reading other things too instead of just comics

- refuses to wear elastics/tie his hair up even if it gets in his way a lot

- let’s judith put silly hairclips in it

- sometimes forgets to take them out when he gets to school but he doesn’t care much

- would watch: the office, brooklyn nine-nine, the breakfast club & moral orel