#using my autism to combine my interests together

[cheesepuffet]

Zexal Twilight princess AU

[laneywrld]

warm, buttery, and soft | Lewis Hamilton

request: I have a LH44 request! So, I’m a BCBA, I work with children who have autism and my dream is have my own clinic one day. I have a request where maybe Lewis is with a BCBA, who has her own practice, maybe with a back story of how they met at a charity event for her grand opening? Maybe he decided to venture out his charitable contributions and became interested in what she does? Romance, all the feels :)

word count: 2.3k

warnings: none

Lewis had more money than he knew what to do with.

He'd still accept it graciously, but he couldn't help but feel that he could be doing more with the funds he'd earned. He always felt as if he could offer his many resources to many different causes.

He had started mission 44, and still, he felt like he wasn't doing enough.

Lewis had always been driven by a deep desire to make a meaningful impact in the world. After years of dedication to his passion projects, he felt it was time to expand the reach of Mission 44, his organization dedicated to empowering underserved communities. He wanted to invest in something truly transformative, and it was a conversation with an old friend that set him on the right path.

One evening, over a cup of coffee, his friend Michael shared a heartfelt story about his autistic son, Josiah. "There's this incredible clinic," Michael said, his eyes lighting up. "It's run by Y/N, a BCBA. Her work with autistic children has been nothing short of miraculous for us. Jojo has made so much progress thanks to her."

Intrigued, Lewis asked for more details. Michael explained how Y/N's clinic provided personalized therapy and support, creating a nurturing environment where children like Josiah could thrive. It was a place of hope and transformation, and it resonated deeply with Lewis's vision for Mission 44.

Determined to learn more, Lewis arranged a visit to the clinic. When he arrived, he was immediately struck by the warm and welcoming atmosphere. The walls were adorned with colorful artwork created by the children, and the air was filled with laughter and a sense of purpose.

Sadly, you weren't there when he arrived. Lewis really wanted to connect with you. But you were certain to make sure he was taken care of in your absence.

As Lewis toured the facility, he saw firsthand the incredible progress the children were making. Therapists and staff members were deeply engaged, using innovative techniques to support the children's development. It was clear that this was more than just a clinic—it was a community of care and compassion.

Inspired by what he had seen, Lewis knew he had found the perfect partner for Mission 44. He decided to invest in your clinic, providing the resources needed to expand your reach and impact. Together, you two envisioned opening new branches in underserved areas, ensuring that more children and families could benefit from the transformative care you and your team provided.

With this partnership, Mission 44 took a significant step forward, amplifying its mission to empower and uplift. Lewis was filled with a sense of purpose and fulfillment, knowing that your combined efforts would create a brighter future for countless children and families.

And so, with a shared vision and unwavering dedication, Lewis and you embarked on a journey to bring hope, healing, and empowerment to the world, one child at a time.

And this was all without ever meeting each other.

You were a busy woman, and when you did have free time, it was spent with your kids. Your kids being the children you work with of course. So tonight was meant to be special. An ordeal that certainly meant a lot to you.

You would be meeting Sir Lewis Hamilton for the very first time in person. The two of you had communicated over the phone and through emails, but you had not had the chance to sit with him face-to-face, until tonight.

It'd been a year since this endeavor started, and already, the funding Lewis provided had shown its hand and made your mission all the more achievable.

Tonight, you were having a gala.

You were against the idea initially, telling your assistant to reconvene with Lewis' team. You wanted funds to help autistic children, you wanted an event that reflected that.

But Lewis came up with a good point, you wanted to ask a bunch of rich people to invest in you and your goals, to do that, you had to speak to them in a language that they understood, money.

So here you were, a beautiful gown adorning your frame, that was much too elegant and flashy than what you were used to.

You were standing off to the side, watching as the team organized the smaller details. Your hands are placed in front of you, fingers fidgeting with the others as you will your nerves away.

This was not your scene. You weren't used to the flashy life nor did you care for it, so the fact that you would be surrounded by millionaires and a select few billionaires and people with status simply because of your business ties with such a prominent figure in the world of money and fame, well it made you nervous.

Lewis arrived at the clinic a few minutes early, feeling a mix of anticipation and curiosity. He had seen pictures of you online and read about your remarkable work, but nothing could have prepared him for the moment he saw you in person.

From across the hallway, he saw you before you noticed him. The pictures did you no justice. You were more beautiful than any photograph could capture. Your presence was radiant, your smile warm and genuine. Lewis couldn't help but be captivated by your grace and the effortless way you carried herself. He was about to approach you when the door to your left swung open.

In poured a group of children, dressed in colorful gowns and suits, their faces beaming with excitement. Lewis watched as your eyes widened with delight and your lips spread into a grin wider than the universe. The children, your clients, rushed to surround you, their joy palpable. Some stayed a little further back, shy but eager to be close to you.

Lewis stood back, observing the scene. He saw the way you interacted with each child, your demeanor filled with kindness and understanding. You bent down to their level, speaking softly to those who needed it, and laughed with those who were more exuberant. You were careful and considerate, aware of each child's unique needs and sensitivities due to their autism.

One little girl tugged at your sleeve, and you responded with a gentle touch and a few whispered words that brought a smile to the girl's face. A boy who had been standing off to the side finally mustered the courage to step forward, and you greeted him with the same warmth and attention, making him feel just as special as the rest.

Lewis was moved by the sight. It wasn't just your beauty that struck him now, but the depth of your compassion and the genuine love you had for these children. He realized that your work was more than a profession; it was a calling, a true testament to your character.

As the children slowly dispersed, you stood up and finally noticed Lewis. Your eyes met, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. You approached him with that same radiant smile, extending your hand in greeting.

"Hi, you must be Lewis," you said, your voice as warm as your smile.

Lewis took your hand, feeling a spark of connection. "Yes, that's me. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Y/N. Your work here is incredible."

Your eyes twinkled with gratitude. "Thank you, Lewis. I'm glad you're here. This wouldn't have been possible without your support. Can I show you what we have so far?"

Lewis accepts, walking with you as you point out the many attractions for your guest. As you walk, you speak more to Lewis about your work, your passion for your work evident in your every word. You explained how you had started the clinic with the goal of providing comprehensive, individualized care for autistic children. "Each child is unique," you said, "and we tailor our approach to meet their specific needs. It's about helping them reach their full potential. Most of all, showing them unconditional love and acceptance."

"I think you're doing an amazing job." Lewis compliments, "Can I ask, why autistic children? What made this your dream?"

You let out a chuckle, "You ever read those books about the pig, Mercy Watson? She goes crazy over buttered toast?"

Lewis laughs and shakes his head, "Can't say I have."

"Well, in these books, there's a talking pig who does a lot of crazy stuff really for buttery toast. I used to read these books to my brother. He was obsessed with them. I used to just read them to him over and over every night, thinking, you know, of course, a story about a pig causing absolute destruction for food would entertain a boy." As you talk, you're waving your hands around, describing the elaborate storyline of the children's book.

"Anyways, my brother was autistic, high functioning, but you know there were still things that made him different than others, ways that he couldn't fit in no matter what, and I grew to realize okay, this book has to be his hyper fixation, like he doodled Mercy Watson everywhere. Or like cute little toast, and for a while, all he ate was toast for weeks." You chuckle, and Lewis laughs with you.

"Then one day, I'm a freshman in high school, and my brother has started his first day of middle school, and he just, it was bad for him, so bad. And I wanted to help, so I tried to read the books for him and he just got angry and said it wasn't true, and I was left trying to figure out what he meant. It bothered me for so long, I spent weeks rereading those books, you hear me, weeks."

You look distressed as you recant the memory and Lewis can only imagine how frantic you were when it actually happened.

"And then it just clicked for me. The buttery toast isn't fucking toast. The damn toast is a feeling. Warm, soft, and buttery. Mercy Watson is a pig. She feels buttery with her family and warm, cozy, and accepted. It's a feeling she's chasing. And maybe I'm wrong, but to him, the book highlighted his need to be accepted, to feel community. My brother deserved to be loved for who he was, unconditionally."

"Is that why you have so many piglet paintings in your clinic?"

You let out a laugh that starts from a snort. "Yeah. My little piggies."

"You've got a beautiful heart, you know that?"

"Thank you." You drop your head as if to hide your shyness from the man.

As they walked through the clinic, Lewis couldn't shake the feeling that this was the beginning of something extraordinary.

"You should let me take you out to dinner, discuss more on how to get the toast to all of the little piglets in the world, and maybe discuss another dinner, too?"

"I'd love that."

Three years had passed since that charity gala for your clinic, the night you first met Lewis. You remember how he approached you with a warm smile, expressing his admiration for your work. He had insisted on taking you out for dinner, and that evening turned into many more, each one deepening the connection between you.

Now, you stand in the nursery, a gentle smile on your lips as you admire the freshly painted walls. Small, cute little piglets dance across the pale yellow background, a whimsical design that Lewis insisted on because he remembered how you loved piggies, a love sparked by your brother's fondness for the book that changed your outlook on life.

The room is filled with the promise of new life, a testament to the love that has blossomed between you.

You gently place a hand on your growing belly, feeling the fluttering movements of your baby. The thought of becoming parents fills you with a mixture of excitement and wonder. Lewis walks into the room, his eyes lighting up as they meet yours. He crosses the room in a few strides and places a tender kiss on your forehead, his hand joining yours on your belly.

"You’re going to be the best mom," he says, his voice filled with admiration. "I can’t wait to meet our little one."

Lewis has always seen you as the sweetest soul in the world. Your compassion, kindness, and unwavering dedication to your work and family have captured his heart completely. He often tells you that being with you feels like coming home—warm, soft, and buttery, just like toast. It's the only feeling you've ever had when it comes to Lewis: a deep, comforting love that fills every corner of your life.

Your relationship with Lewis is a harmonious blend of mutual admiration and profound affection. He has not only embraced you but also formed a close bond with your brother. Lewis took the time to understand your brother’s world, it was a connection that brought you immense joy and deepened your love for Lewis.

As you and Lewis stand in the nursery, imagining the future with your child, you feel a profound sense of contentment. Engaged and set to be married in a year, your journey together has been nothing short of extraordinary.

"I love you," you whisper to Lewis, feeling the baby move beneath your hands.

"I love you too," he replies, his eyes shining with emotion. "And I love our little family, more than words can say."

At that moment, surrounded by the playful piglets on the walls and the warmth of Lewis's embrace, you feel a sense of completeness. Your love story is like toast—warm, soft, and buttery—filling your life with sweetness and comfort. It's a love that grows even stronger with each passing day and a warmth that spreads just the same.

oh my god, i loved this request, and a huge thank you for you and the work you do, this hit very close to home, and I loved writing every word of it!! also, I'm not really good at writing anything that's not angsty I don't think. so I apologize in advance for the cringe omg. I tried to make it romantic I really did. 😭

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon! I read your work published on substack on autism and asexuality (really great stuff!) and then found your Tumblr and came across your own experiences navigating sexuality and kink, and they made me wonder if you have any advice for a fellow asexual on the spectrum who struggles socially but is interested in experimenting with sex/kink for the first time? People usually find sexual partners on dating apps or at the club but that seems so daunting I've been entertaining this fantasy of finding a community of people with a virgin fetish just so I don't have download tinder

Abandon your fantasy that anything fulfilling will occur without a massive amount of work. Running one's own sexual life requires a high caliber of communication, negotiation, and self-promotion skills, as well as a significant amount of time and experience. If this is worth it for you, venture forth! If not, maybe now is not the right time.

I will have a much more in depth guide on cruising written sometime soonish, but in the meantime I do have some tips.

Do not use fucking Tinder. That is an incredibly vanilla, heteronormative site. You might have a negative impression of your chances finding what you want because you've only had a glimpse of the most normie places and your friends' experiences with them. To find the kinky, experimental kind of sex you want, you'll instead have to educate yourself, and go looking for the freaks.

Fetlife is a good place to start. It will be overwhelming to navigate at first, but keep pressing. Fill out your profile with your interests, take a few sexy photos (whatever that means for you), and join local groups. Follow people who post things you find interesting, read lots of posts. Pick up some books on leather and kink history, and study up. Jack Rinella is a favorite of mine, but I am deliberately keeping my recommendation list lean so that you will dig for what you are interested in, yourself.

Look up local groups interested in rubber, leather, kink, etc, find local dungeons, attend local munch events (these are low-pressure social hangouts with no kinky play, but for kinksters to meet eachother), and find out where the gay bars are in your area that have backrooms in them, as well as cruising spots. Check out spaces where people do kinky or sexual stuff together and just watch.

After considerable information gathering and self-searching, put yourself out there and take agency over your own sexual life. Message people you find interesting, and I do mean just interesting. Learn from other bottoms if you're a bottom. Trade stories with other subs if you're a sub. Learn techniques from other Doms if you're a Dom, or some combination of all these things if you're verse or switchy. If someone shares some interests with you and seems compatible, make a specific suggestion for play, like: Want to meet up and practice our rope tying? or Would you like to practice your spanking technique on me? or I don't like having sex, but I'd love to use you as my personal footstool.

Remember that you get to set the terms for the engagement, and the other person does as well. If they reject you, that means consent has successfully happened, everybody gets a pat on the back, good job. The same goes for you. If all you want is to drag a human puppy around on a leash, don't settle for someone who keeps pressuring you for sex. Just end the interaction. There are a whole lot of freaks out there with a whole array of interests, and most people who are kinky eventually learn to be gracious and work with what a prospective partner is into, but we also all have our dealbreakers. That's fine. You don't want to play football with someone who insists on tackle when all you want is touch. It's the same thing. This is just silly pretend games. So find someone who wants to play a game you want to play.

And yeah, you can expect it to take about two years to really find your footing in this world and really know what you want and how to articulate it successfully, at least. That doesn't mean you won't have enjoyable (or at least interesting, informative) experiences along the way. But it is a lot of work. I find it is better to lead off with realistic expectations because many people rush out hoping that someone will just magically appear who will fulfill all their desires, and that's not how the world works. Every person that you speak to in a kinky context is a full human being with their own anxieties, sexual traumas, shame, areas where they lack experience, and desires that might strike them as impossible to realize.

In kink, you have to learn to navigate really complicated interactions with each one of them as its own independent thing. A lot of us make the mistake early on of thinking everyone else out there is a more seasoned, confident, sexually voracious being than we are, and that all we have to do is find the right person to give us a good time. But with our actions and negotiations WE make it a good time, us and our partner of the moment, together.

If you don't put the work in, you get nothing out. But the more you reveal of yourself and stay present in the interaction and honor it as the specific, unique thing that it is, the more benefits you reap -- not just sex or kinky play, but friendships, community ties, self-knowledge, and social skills.

Have fun out there! I hope you learn a lot.

[cringelordofchaos]

Common ADHD traits/experiences I've heard of !!

(I was gonna make a post about why I might be neurodivergent but I figured it'd be going a bit too personal. Also this is just easier)

(ADHD is much more nuanced and complex than I may make it appear in this post. A lot of ADHD people don't have a lot of these traits or have traits not mentioned here. For example there are three types of ADHD (inattentive, hyperactive and combined) and most inattentive adhders are not going to be hyperactive lol)

Warning: badly worded (I'm stupid that's my excuse). also I'll go on personal rants as to how some of these may apply to me (whilst I can reasonate with each point listed here I won't go on a rat on all of these)

Physical hyperactivity (inability to sit/stand still (I used to think this meant that people with ADHD were incapable of. Sitting down (while constantly fidgeting or not) for one whole class)(I was an idiot)(I still am)). (Just overall constant , movement (I might have it idk I'm ALWAYS

Excessive talking

Stimming, fidgeting, general and overall repetitive movements (such as flapping hands, pacing, clasping hands together, etc)

Low attention span regarding things that don't garner much interest to you

More likely to be autistic, have anxiety or depression (or generally have other diagnostic conditions)

Ability to Hyperfocus on specific things, at times out of their control

More likely to have a lower Performance in school that most people

Proneness to addiction

Rejection sensitive dysphoria/RSD (really sensitive and afraid to rejection or criticism or disapproval or stuff like that. I'm questioning if I have it and I'm pretty sure I do bc i would have a whole breakdown bc i accidentally had a bad unintentional thought about this cool person I didn't want to hate me)(it's complicated)

Emotional disregulation (easily irritable, excited, stressed, stronger emotions, more likely to lash out, etc)(people with this are usually described to be much more emotional)

restless leg syndrome (except it's permanent lol)

Lower memory spans regarding most things

Forgetting to fulfill basic needs (such as eating, drinking, showering, etc)

Women/AFAB people are more likely to be diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (this of course does not rucking mean afab people can't b hyperactive my god)

Mental hyperactivity (racing/constant/overlapping/repetitive thoughts or stuff like that)

Impulsivity (doing stuff without thinking them fully though or not knowing why)

Sensory issues (sensitivity to sensory output such as noise, brightness, etc)

Easily bored/underwhelmed/understimulated - more likely to want to seek constant dopamine (due to l

Easily overwhelmed (whether itd be due to aforementioned sensory issues, emotional disregulation, rsd or stuff like that)

More likely to be perceived as "childish" (from what I've heard obviously this and many other things listed here don't apply to everyone)

Executive dysfunction (can't do shit at all)(ok it's more complicated than that just Google it up or something)

Having Hyperfixations (things you're DEEPLY invested in for a period of time, it can be a few days, weeks, months, sometimes more than a year, depends rly)(I'm still questioning if I'm neurodivergent but like I'm pretty sure I was in a DEEP hyperfixation mode when it came to sonic for like. A YEAR. like I literally it was literally the only thing on my brain the only thing in my life. and I would get realllytyy excited about learning obscure information about it or infodumping and I would flap my hands bc of how excited and passionate I was Abt it)(man I miss the times when I was so passionate about stuff I liked it was so fun :(( )

Higher/lower levels of empathy (I've seen this moreso been brought up with discussions regarding autism but I've also seen it brought up with ADHD itself too)

Lower levels of dopamine

Impatience

More likely to be a maladaptive daydreamer

Its cause is usually heavily genetic (meaning if your family or a family member has ADHD, you are more likely to have ADHD yourself)

More likely to have insomniac/have general problems with sleep (I'm questioning ADHD. I'm writing this like... Five hours before I'm supposed to wake up for school. Great.)

There is also a higher relevance between ADHD and PTSD

If I missed something important let me know!! Also if you don't know some of he

This post is not meant to be used as a substitute for self nor professional diagnosis, though if you feel like you might have ADHD because of this post I recommend further research and conversations with trusted advisors such as parental figures or therapists/doctors (not me not listening to my own advice)(<- that was me regarding my latter advice)(I'm too scared to tell my parents about it man)(idk why)

Things to note:

ADHD is not just about little elementary school hyperactive white boys !!

There's a lot of things I mightve missed

Not everyone with ADHD has all these traits (obviously)

Some of these traits may be common due to the commonness of ADHD + autism overlap (idk though)

Apparently it's one of the most diagnosed forms of neurodivergence in kids (about 7-10% of kids in the USA are diagnosed with ADHD)(APPARENTLY idk)

There's more but I'm tired right now byeeee

[jfkonfucius]

do u have any random confucious headcanons u wanna share? :3

OF COURSE ! I think about him everyday

- The airspray shirts he makes don't sell very well, but he still makes use of the equipment to make and gift shirts to his friends and loved ones

- He spoils people all the time with expensive stuff, he thinks people will be less likely to abandon him if he does so. He thinks the fact he has money is the only thing that makes him remotely loveable

- Cries easily

- Makes animation memes on Flipaclip. He is not very outstanding at it. He has a protogen fursona

- Has horrible reflexes, but is extremely cracked at Geometry Dash and Subway Surfers

- He doesn't have a very good relationship with his sister, his jealousy caused by his parents' favoritism towards her makes him act unusually petty, even though his sister is actually pretty nice to him

- Borderline Personality Disorder. Very bad abandonment issues. Was splitting on Joan in S3 E9

- He likes JFK, but would never date him cuz he's clingy and he thinks he would interfere with JFK's not-very-monogamous lifestyle

- He gave away the "I only got eyes 4 u" shirts to some random couple without telling them the backstory

- Somehow still does not know that Top-her69 was Topher

- Amab genderfluidddd all pronouns + ey/em + bro/bros + other neopronouns probably. But if asked in real life he's just gonna go "Uhh I'm a guy but I don't care if you call something else"

- Has a bit of an issue with vaping and energy drinks

- His favorite food is pizza

- He treats Kevin like a big puppy dog. Even though it's a Giant Bear

- He listens to EDM, hyperpop, dubstep and similar. Probably had a Skrillex haircut when he was younger

- ADHD+autism, he mainly stims vocally by making noises (pew pew!) or quoting internet vids he finds funny

- His special interest is Fast and Furious

- You know his ass never charges his Nintendo Switch

- The reason why you don't see him in the episode anymore after he gave Abe the suggestion that got him cancelled, is because he felt super bad and started hiding ("I run from like, 99% of my problems")

- Not a very good singer

- As we all know his parents are very absent, but they did help him dress up for the Valentine's day week dance

- Has a huge admiration for Frida, and is very intimidated by Cleo, which is a funny combination because the two of them were together for a year

- Owns an Itemlabel Dinkle

- First thing he does when he wakes up is message Joan good morning . or good afternoon . The only thing holding his schedule together is having to go to school

- His parents wanted to get him a panda because they know he loves em. But it was a pain in the ass because of the whole "former endangered species" thing. So they got him Kevin instead because close enough

This is definitely not All my headcanons, but that's enough for now 😎

[punkeropercyjackson]

I hate........how sexualizing teenage superheroes is the norm in the superheroes fandom at large.Forgive me for traumadumping ig but i have really strong feelings on this as an autistic adult with a special interest in superheroes at large themselves and itself as a genre

My first hero spin was Big Hero 6.By the time it came out,i was 13 so i was allowed internet access no problem and naturally i went looking all over for content of literally everything about it but my favorite character was Hiro so he was what i searched for the most and he was LUDICRIOUSLY objectified and fetishized for his wasian heritage and when the series came out,he got an official love interest named Karmi who's 16 to his 14 and she got tons of hate from Hiro x Gogo and Hiro x Honey shippers despite them not only being college aged to his again,FOURTEEN years but we got explicit ages for them in season 2 when the Nerd Gang minus him gratuated from SFIT so they're canonically TWENTY ONE(i feel it's an important sidenote that Karmi's brownskin with a hooked nose and her VA is indonesian/chinese mixed so her heritage is obvious and as to how it contributed to her reception vs easian Gogo and blonde light-eyed Honey)

My second one was Bnha and there's been tons of discussion about the base's problem with the UA students and Himiko and i thank everyone who's posted about it deeply but my specific one is that my otp of the series was and will always be Shouto and Momo aka Todomomo even if i'm not nearly as into Bnha as i used to be because they were the first ship i actively made content for and it lasted years and that combined with me headcanoning them as bi4bi,t4t and autistic4autistic helped my egg crack and realize my own autism big time so their relathionship eternally has a big place in my heart

This means i've witnessed grown ass people saying Shouto almost touched Momo's boobs in that cap where he stopped her during their Aizawa fight(and his hand didn't even land on her chest)as a running thing and same for him acting as a macho man who rules over her body so she can't wear what she wants or exist near other men,including BAKUGOU who Momo HATES IN-TEXT,or have conflict with him because he'll just 'put her in her place as his woman' and Momo who's thee 'silk hiding steel' character and has adultification trauma that triggers her anxiety as the plot of the Todomomo starter 'Yaoyorozu Rising' with Shouto helping her with words of affirmation,healthy communication and good boundries on both sides that became the foundation of their dynamic throught the whole franchise,manga and extras,is reduced down the 'the class mom to Iida's class dad' as if she's ever even looked in his general direction and when she's rightfully earned her place as Shouto's best friend alongside Izuku himself and that is INSANELY imppressive taking into account her limited screentime.All i wanted was them being goth bf x pastel gf and getting to heal their inner child together and what i got was a nsfw Todomomo week on twitter and a certain artist drawing Momo/Dabi as an 'April Fool's' joke MULTIPLE YEARS in a row because he's also a Todoroki so it's also Todomomo lololol and i also did her with Natsuo and Fuyumi,i'm so funny!The only good thing to come out of that i started spite headcanoning Momo and Dabi as found siblings and platonic soulmates and realized i was actually on point

Then i watched Batman:Under The Red Hood when i was 19 and Jason became a character i selfship with romantically so i did the logical thing and started reading comics,starting with his.Did you know it's canon that while he dosen't exactly hunt them down specifically,he hates pedophiles and incesters so he once targeted a teacher because he was csa'ing one of his student's and expressed disgust at the thought of kissing any of his brothers based off them being brothers?You wouldn't know either of these things off fanon alone,you'd think he was creepy older guy who seeks out younger people on purpose when he dosen't seek anybody out period and that's his canon relathionships coping mechanism and it's also canon he couldn't talk to girls and pushed a guy off a roof for running a sex ring as Robin.As ROBIN,a fucking 11-15 year old Jason had that much of a moral backbone and willingness to take action in it yet everyone thinks he'd date a CHILD,even HIS OWN UNDERAGED SIBLINGS,with taking advantage of them as the appeal

I absolutely loved Into The Spiderverse as an afrolatino like Miles who was a troubled kid like he is too and i thought Gwen was super good too and Peter B's another character i selfship with romantically so naturally i was hyped for Across and the first thing the fandom did when the trailer dropped?Make a hyperpopular meme where that sweet,soft,wholesome scene where Gwen gets cheeky and looks through Miles' sketchbook and sees he's so in love with her he dedicated it's entierty to her just existing as herself into him seeing her as nothing but a sexual object with degrading features she does not have and it was a sick joke on Gwen because the boy she loves just wants her for sex and not even for what she actually looks and that just makes it even worse!!!Then there's the equally pure implied thing they did of her either stealing Hobie's sweaters because he makes her feel safe after her abusive dad kicked her out for being trans or him giving them to her to borrow as affection that ALSO got twisted into Gwen being nothing but a sex object,by people who see Hobie's age interpretation not even as a minor but in his 20s unlike how actual Ghostpunks do!!!!!!!,and don't think i haven't seen the Margo shit calling her 'thicc' and turning the girls into Miles' 'harem'

And the thing that made realize this is that it's always been like this is when i went looking for Teen Titans screenshots,first Starfire and Blackfire for me and my little sister and then ones of the animated Titans in general for my little brother because he did an edit-redraw of our DC self-inserts together using one so i got excited at how good it was and decided to ask for a few more since we have friends who have DC ocs too and we're all doing a canon rewrite fixit with them but the first results were fucking incest softcore porn and TOO DAMN MUCH horny Bbrae fanart.One of the friend's in question is like another brother to me and he's 17 and he thought there was nothing wrong with Jason/The Fenton Siblings because when i said find it triggering just in general,he tried to explain that i was 'making the wrong assumption' because a lot of people age up Danny and Jazz and he'd learned that from older DPDC fans.They literally groomed him and i'm so glad i met him and helped him unlearn that shit before he could get hurt

That's not normal.NONE of that is normal to involve children even if fictional because they're meant to be exactly like REAL kids mentally and physically and you get upset at the real ones for being upset by you doing this to them and even harrass them for it and i've had to directly defend another one of my little sibling's from harrasment from 'fandom elders' because he dared to have an opinion that 'dosen't follow the rules'.I'm sick of this,i can't stand this,this needs to DIE.There's no exaggaration over ten times the adult superheroes than they're are kid ones and you fucking ship them with eachother instead just sticking to the adults for smut.Batman and Robin were seen as a couple in ye olden times by a group of gay people not because Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson harbord secret romantic feelings for eachother since conception or intended to later on but because that specific gay people were irl pedophiles who used being gay as a defense

I don't care if i sound childish or if nobody who this is aimed at cares,i hate all of you for this.I hate you for tarnishing my special interest,i hate you for violating the history of superheroes and the creation of sidekicks and kid heroes as role models and escapism fantasies for real kids,i hate you for beyond disrespecting that superheroes as a WHOLE were created by jewish folks and that Clark Kent,the FIRST superhero,is the protector of all innocents with a deep love for children and gets especially angry when they're hurt and is a fundemental trait he has to have or he's NOT Superman or Clark Kent Kal-El or Superdad,i hate that the sexualization of underaged supers and them being abused as 'romance' by their fucking pseudo-parents is a long running punchline.I hate you with my entire heart and soul and actual comics reading knowledge

[billpottsismygf]

Episode 4 of Dead Boy Detectives (Lighthouse Leapers) doesn't quite reach the heights of last episode, but it was still good. I really appreciate the way this show is able to blend comedy and darkness. I love its oddball sense of humour and I often catch myself laughing out loud, particularly at Niko, and it never clashes with the dark storylines running alongside it, which takes a lot of skill.

I would be surprised if that's the last we see of the Night Nurse. Although Charles' defeat of her was brutal, or 'extreme' to quote Edwin, it was satisfying to see him get to fight back against someone hurting him, especially after seeing his father's abuse and his death at the hands of his "friends". I also want to know more about him stopping his friends from beating someone up.

This thought is slightly out of left field, but I find it interesting that seeing a male hero hitting a female character, even a villainous one, might have been impossible to include a while ago. It is a very unusual sight and people have pointed out before that usually, when a woman needs to be physically fought in an action scene, she is often only allowed to be hit by a female hero. While obviously I don't mean that it's actually fine to hit women, I do like that maybe we're moving beyond this reductive 'don't hit girls' narrative (combined with the 'it's fine and dandy for a woman to slap a man for comedy' one). Sometimes a woman is in a position of violent authority and is using that power to hurt a man (or boy, technically, in this case) and it's cathartic to see him get to retaliate.

Again, there's a rift forming between Edwin and Charles as they struggle to be honest with one another. Interestingly, they both seem able to talk to one of the others. Charles opens up to Crystal about his father and feeling angry, while Edwin (although still not saying much) seems able to be honest with Niko in a way he can't be with anyone else. Niko is perhaps becoming my second favourite character, and something about her brand of upfront quirkiness (read: autism) breaks through a lot of Edwin's defences. Their talk on the sea shore was my favourite part of the episode, with them watching scooby doo together at the end maybe a close second.

There have been hints since the beginning of Edwin maybe having feelings for Charles, and this is dealt with somewhat directly for the first time with the Cat King shapeshifting into him, and then that little lingering shot later that Edwin has to shake himself out of. I don't have much to say about it other than that I love that Edwin, who has even admitted now that he doesn't know whether he wants to kiss Monty, has enough love interests - none of whom are ideal in one way or another - to make his sexuality journey, much like this sentence, as confusing and complicated as possible.

Small things:

The washer woman is a cool concept well-executed.

I want to know more about Asha.

I love the Walrus man and am glad he seems to have his own running subplot.

Jenny's "love letters" are giving me huge creepy vibes, but I'm also intrigued.

I missed Esther this episode. Even when she only appears for 30 seconds, it really brightens the whole thing.

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

ok so i only got into asoue a few months back but scrolling through ur blog is so interesting, mostly because like. what are you SEEING in the denouements. not in a mean way, in a “they got basically nothing in canon and i am very curious as to what’s going on in your head” way. i would love to know how you perceive them

don’t get me wrong i understand getting attached to minor characters more as much as the next autism riddled person but again i am very curious

[insert obligatory how dare you, they're the most precious boys ever! joke here]

Before we begin, I'm actually not autistic, so you can't use that as an explanation. I've been tested a lot through my life, due to other mental illnesses, and I always score so low it's almost uncanny. Hyper-fixating on nerd stuff is my One Thing that gives me points in tests, but that's it. So no, that's not the reason I like minor characters.

Ignoring the fact that this actually feels like a weird thing to have to explain at all, I'm gonna go ahead and answer anyway:

I have no idea. As in I don't know what happened initially, but I have a couple of theories. Firstly, I'm a whole ass Adult. Like, mid-thirties at this point. That means I'm more or less uninterested in creating content about the kids, because I do dick jokes and write smut and I don't personally feel like combining those with young characters. The Sugar Bowl Generation is where it's at for me. And if you've been around the fandom for a bit, you will have noticed that people who are into the SBG have to do quite a lot of legwork to keep ourselves stimulated. Our enclosure is pretty low on natural enrichment tbh.

That means you have to create your own fun. A puppy that's been left at home too long will inevitably start chewing on the furniture. A fangirl (gender neutral) will start conjuring up elaborate headcanons and characterizations and theories and dynamics from more-or-less thin air. It's the way of the world. Remember how Mystrade was a huge thing in the Sherlock fandom, despite them never interacting in canon? Yeah, it's a bit like that. There's a certain freedom to be found in it.

Only we do have some crumbs! Just spend half an hour at @snicketsleuth, and see how much you can string together from them. That's a very mixed metaphor, sorry. But my point stands.

The Denouements are a pretty niche focus, I'll give you that. However, what we have is so interesting to me. Like, the fucking Spotter's Guide that @lyeekha made actually goes a long way to explain my initial infatuation. I love some deceit and mystery that can be unravelled by careful observation of micro expressions, you know? It's very satisfying.

And I just love them, you know? I can't explain it better than that. I'd drop in the fact that I'm very physically attracted to Max Greenfield in the role(s), but I'm pretty sure that's obvious. And it doesn't matter nearly as much as my fascination with the essence of the characters that I've so carefully cobbled together from scraps I found on the trash heap of canon (how's that for a metaphor though?)

Does that help at all?

[caranox]

I'm a twice-published author now!

I know I haven't been active on here for a bit because of life stuff, but I'm hoping to use this space a little more, along with my side blog for books I'm discovering and reading (mainly LGBTQ+ indies, but also some general tradpub for comps and things that pique my interest).

I hate pitching myself, but I do hope that other people out there will enjoy what I've written (and what I plan to write), so here goes nothing!

The Thirteenth Key

New Adult Science Fantasy/Second World Fantasy

The first in a two-book story arc (of a plotted five-book series), THE THIRTEENTH KEY features a crew of liars, killers, thieves, and royalty working together to buy back their freedom with the power promised to an unhinged chosen one with blood on her hands. Think something along the line of SIX OF CROWS, but a little more urban.

Magic is dwindling in their modern world, flourishing with technology to make up for the loss. Some are moving on, while others are trying to save what's left. Left with only the old, muddled legends and obscured fairytales of the origin of their thirteen countries, a single Seer on his deathbed sets magic's revival in motion with a returning nightmare lurking on the horizon.

While Noa, chosen one and one of the bisexual disasters of the crew, would rather burn her mentor's well-crafted shadow-market empire to the ground for taking away one of the few people she's ever cared about, she's willing to give her Seer surrogate father his dying wish of stealing thirteen keys to a vault that may not exist.

REP: bi fmc, ace mmc; bi, demi, lesbian, queer cast.

Buy Links + Content Warnings

Trick

New Adult Urban Fantasy

The first book of my longer, urban-fantasy side project, TRICK is an urban fantasy between the monster-hunting secret society in THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS, combined with the sentimental, difficult realities of the cost of power in THE INVISIBLE LIFE OF ADDIE LARUE. Bonus: a dash of LOKI time-travel shenanigans.

Evie, a demisexual with autism, keeps to herself. She'd always worked hard and studied hard as a way of coping to avoid facing the fact that she's lost nearly everyone around her.

But when a couple of strangers pull her into a reality just beyond her own with the claim that she's able to manipulate time, she finds herself uncovering the truth about why her parents died and the rest of her family went into hiding. Someone within the fate-orchestrating ranks of the Custodians wants her gone before she can uncover the truth. REP: demi + autistic fmc, pan mmc/li, aroace mmc; gay, lesbian, bi, queer cast.

Buy Links + Content Warnings

[briarpatch-kids]

Heya, I just wanted to send an ask today saying how much I appreciate your blog - you're a really positive presence on the corner of the internet I've curated for myself.

My girlfriend has chronic pain and joint issues as well as hypertension, and we know these issues will likely get worse as she gets older bc the same thing happened to her dad. This combined with her autism (not severe but the sensory issues and difficulty with perspectives can cause struggles) and ptsd means that things are often frustrating for her and she struggles with feeling like a burden. Obviously these issues are not as severe as yours or those of many others on online disability circles, but seeing and interacting with people like you who do have severe disabilities that have gotten worse but also are living meaningful lives with people you love and things that make you happy - it makes the future seem more... hopeful. Even if things are kinda shit at times and the prospect of issues worsening is scary, I know that it's possible for us to build a life together that has meaning and is good in many ways, and that's what I want to strive towards.

Learning more about the disability community and reading what people have to say has also given me a lot more tools and understanding to support my girlfriend when she is struggling with pain or sensory issues or feelings of isolation, and to find things we can do together that work within her limitations and also bring us joy.

I know there's a lot of weird discourse going on sometimes and you've copped some pretty nasty people at times so I just wanna say thank you for being here and visibly existing as a disabled person and I dunno, just generally being a pretty cool and interesting person on the internet? It means a lot.

Thank you! That's really what I'm going for with my disability stuff online. I want to show people what kind of life you can live while disabled, while also not hiding or sugarcoating how hard it can be and how much work it is. Being around other disabled people made me a lot less afraid for the future too, you realize exactly how wide the pool of people are and how they all have their own unique and meaningful lives and how many different adaptations there are available nowadays to try and find something that works. It's really comforting, so I think I get what you mean. I'm really glad I can share that vibe.

[honeysuckle-venom]

In all seriousness though, I really miss when people used the term "autism cousin." I used to see it semi-frequently back in like 2013, but I never ever see it anymore. Nowadays everything is either about just autism, autism and ADHD, or "neurodivergence," a term I personally find somewhat meaningless because people have different definitions and which is often used as shorthand for just autism and ADHD anyway.

Idk. I just. Every few months I play a really annoying game in my head called "okay but am I autistic?" And I've been playing it for 10 years and the answer is always "no." But like. It's not an easy or solid no, or I wouldn't still be asking that. Except it is a solid no, I really don't consider myself autistic and my therapist whom I really really trust and respect doesn't think I'm autistic. So I'm not. Except. Except. Except if I were to go by the definitions I think a lot of people use I would be. And I have soooo many overlapping symptoms. And like every single post I see about autism is incredibly relatable, and I know self diagnosing based on social media is not a good strategy but like...when everything you see hits a cord...Except I know it's just because I have a lot of other disorders with overlapping symptoms and there's a fucking reason differential diagnoses are a thing. Everything can be explained by the combination of trauma, OCD, schizophrenia, dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder, and my "learning disorder not otherwise specified with characteristics of nonverbal learning disorder." Most people haven't even heard of NVLD but it has a lot of overlap with autism. Though I also don't have NVLD, I have "characteristics" of it, whatever that fucking means. So I end up as someone who doesn't have autism, but who relies on routines and has serious sensory problems and has intense and somewhat restricted interests and who sometimes struggles to speak and who stims and who struggles with transitioning tasks and who has issues with executive functioning and who sorts and counts things and who feels like an alien around other people etc etc etc. Anyway. The point is. I have a lot of disorders that when put together in a blender tend to look a lot like autism/have a lot of overlap, but aren't. And that's fine, but I really wish there was a way to say that/to acknowledge how much overlap there is and how much I relate to a lot of autistic people and content without a long and convoluted explanation like this. So I just. Miss the term autistic cousin, quite a bit.

[rainneverstopped]

July 17th 2024, 4:20pm

I’ve been fighting for about three hours with myself about whether or not to go out. I know I should because it’s sunny and it might be fun but I’m so tired and drained. It’s a constant state that I can’t seem to get out of. It’s been months since I wrote a list of places I’d like to go to and still there hasn’t been a single day when I have felt well enough to go. The worst part is that I don’t feel rested if I stay at home and nap. I end up feeling awful but if I go out I’m constantly anxious, guilty over the money spent on public transport and %80 of the times I fight back tears (oftentimes failing) at how incredibly bored I am and how tedious it feels to “go out”. I end up realizing that this country has nothing for me anymore but I don’t have the capacity to leave. My brain also always defaults to going to the same two places because I’m used to it and going to places that I rarely go to and could therefore be more fullfilling require a completely different amount of energy and the uncertainty makes it so that I’m anxious the whole time, planning in my mind how and when to go back home. It’s awful because I’m stuck in this routine that feels safe but leaves me depleted. Some parts of it are less productive and easy than the alternatives that I could go for but because I’m used to it I perpetuate it. This is one of the most annoying parts of my autism. I know better and yet I can’t fight myself. I waste away day after day. Honestly, I think it’s a combination of loads of things. I think being perceived has become too big a challenge. I hate myself and feel disheveled at all times. I know if my hair, nails, teeth, skin were perfect and I had new nice outfits I would be far more likely to go out and I won’t judge myself for it because I also deserve to feel like I’m representing myself in the ways I would like. I feel so over and inferior. I don’t feel a “self” most of the times. I also feel like an absolute outcast in my own community because they are always talking about special interests and autistic joy and hyper focusing on things and learning everything about it and pattern recognition and skills and I have none of that. I have the frustrating sides of it. I can’t focus, my intelligence is average at best, I don’t have encyclopedic knowledge on anything, don’t feel interest or joy most of the times. I’m not particularly creative. I wish there was more visibility for autism like mine. I know I’m not the only one but it’s hard to come out and say it when it’s all showed through a happy filter of “superpower”. Mine isn’t a superpower at all. I feel very impaired by it. Socially, professionally, in my ability to do things day to day, enjoy my life, go out. I have executive dysfunction and my burnout triggers are not things I can avoid or do less of. If anything I should do more. Also as part of the %80 of en employed autistics, I don’t feel very encouraged or hopeful. It stings when I notice others managing and having all these specific, high skill jobs. It’s not that I want them to fail, far from it but I just can’t be like that now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. It scares me and I don’t feel hope or excitement for the future. I also have been feeling such resentment at the way my social circle treated me as a child (I’m late diagnosed) and not getting validation from them makes me dislike them and not want to talk to them. I don’t think I’ll go out today after all. I’ll hate myself for it but thinking about the subway and putting money in my subway card, the people, getting dressed, I just can’t today. I wish I could. I wish I could decide to do things and do them. I don’t understand how most people go out, do things, are and look put together and enjoy these activities they decide to do. They nurture themselves with them. I find myself drained by them instead. I sincerely can’t make sense of it. It’s so hard to convince myself to go out and the payout is not what it should be but I hate being at home all the time. I don’t know where to go from here.

[unpopularwriter25]

Send me your description, personality, and the things you enjoy and I'll pair you with a character from Demon Slayer!!

Birthday: January 30

Gender: female

Age: 17

Personally: shy, quiet, but talks a lot, has ADHD and autism, stare out to space a lot, don’t have a lot of patience, have few friends

Things I like: Cats, drawing, cooking, baking, reading, cleaning, listening to music, video games, the stars, the sunset and sunrise, flowers

(My demon slayer oc has Rose Breathing, it made with four different breathing styles, which are water, flame, flower, and wind breathing, there are 16 forms, and my oc uses a scythe not a sword)

(These are the forms (First form) tornado of thorns, (second form) tornado of poison roses, ( third form) river of roses, ( fourth form) roses of fire, (fifth form) roses of death, (sixth form) rose of darkness, (seventh form) falling roses, (eighth form) light of roses, (ninth form) roses of shadows, (tenth form) poison rose water, (11 form) bloody roses, (12 form) dance of roses, (13 form) raining roses of death, (14 form) poison roses ring. (15 form) dragon roses, (16 form) thorn-roses hurricane.)

Thank you for the request!! I hope you enjoy it!!

I ship you with Kanao Tsuyuri!!

Both of you share a quiet, introspective nature. This means you can enjoy peaceful moments together without the pressure of constant conversation. Kanao’s silence stems from her past and training, while your quietness is a part of your natural disposition.

Kanao’s patience and understanding can help balance your ADHD and autism traits, providing a calm and supportive environment. Her gentle demeanor can help ease any frustration you might experience.

Both of you have a deep appreciation for natural beauty, such as flowers, stars, and sunsets. These shared interests can lead to enjoyable and relaxing activities, like stargazing or tending to a flower garden together.

Your interest in drawing and baking can be complemented by Kanao’s precise and methodical approach to tasks. You can share and teach each other skills, such as Kanao helping you perfect a recipe or you introducing her to new art techniques.

Your Rose Breathing, with its mix of water, flame, flower, and wind styles, would bring a unique and versatile approach to battles. Paired with Kanao’s expertise in Flower Breathing, you two could create innovative and unexpected combat strategies.

The combination of your scythe and Kanao’s sword would make for an effective and diverse fighting duo. The different ranges and techniques would complement each other, making you a formidable team against demons.

While you may have few friends, Kanao’s gentle encouragement could help you open up and build more social connections. Similarly, your energetic and talkative nature might help Kanao become more expressive.

Both of you can enjoy listening to music together, which can be a soothing and bonding activity. Sharing favorite songs and discovering new music can be a way to connect and relax after intense training or battles.

Your interest in cleaning and cooking can make daily life smoother and more harmonious. Kanao, who is disciplined and organized, would appreciate and reciprocate your efforts, creating a balanced and tidy living environment.

[celestelunisea16]

Headcanon i have for cowboyking:

They cook pretty decently together in the kitchen. But if they see *one* new weird ingredient-

(Also. They work well because they are somewhat matching autism. Just different interests)

Alright, Anon, this is gonna be a fun one to cook up.

*Cue drum sound*

So my thoughts on how cooking goes with these two alone is this.

- Starlo is like... AT least an average level of cooking. At least, by himself, he's average with cooking. I mean, don't get me wrong, he can cook somethings! It's just that sometimes, he can get a little distracted- (He accidentally let the noodles get stuck to the pot somehow while also trying to watch some hamburger meat. The noodles were so stuck that they had to get an ice pick to get the corn out.)

- Lucifer is the better one of the two with cooking because he seems to be the one who looks more like he can cook up some nice dishes.

So if they have ingredients that they've used before, AND they work together to cook? You definitely know they can possibly cook up a delightful (maybe even 5 star if they're lucky) meal for two people (three if it's their shared custody week(s) for Clover if they're alive).

However, if you add that ONE item that they never used before?

...

"..."

"..."

"So Luci, do ya know how this thing is used?"

"Yes, uh... It's used to, uh... uhm..."

"... you don't know either, do you?"

"... no."

Yeah, I'm seeing these guys be like how wires are when they're all tangled up and pulled into wrong places-

Literally, it either gets to the point where they either try putting it into a combination of different foods or they get too caught up in trying to figure out that the kitchen becomes a straight-up MESS.

I'm betting you whenever Clover stays with Lucifer and Starlo for their custody days, they'll just hear their dads panicking in the kitchen over a single ingredient and walk in to see Lucifer and Starlo just... that kitchen is HORRIBLE-

"Uh... Demon Dad, Star dad? What happened in here?"

"... Uh, nothing, kiddo, me and Starlo were just deciding on if we should get take out instead-"

"Yeah, I think Luci said that he'd let me go get some Sliders from the Saloon in our world, didn'tcha Luci?"

"Hey, I thought you said I could get us something from the Gluttony Ring!"

"When did I ever say that-!?"

"Just earlier!"

Both of these guys end up trying to get out of cleaning the kitchen, but afterwards I'm pretty sure Clover would basically be the child who knows that both of their parents are trying to avoid cleaning the kitchen, and takes charge themselves of going to get some Sliders from the Saloon and Floral Cupcakes from Oasis Valley's Cafe in their world, (While, of course, getting themselves some Gunpowder from Blackjack with the Gold they have left over while they're out) leaving Lucifer and Starlo to clean up the mess they made in the kitchen.

After that incident, they're going to try to practice learning what that ingredient is and what it can be used for, just in case another recipe calls for it-

[okcomputeroknotok19972017]

to start, i know that psychiatric diagnoses are not exact -- they're our best label for treating clusters of symptoms that tend to go together, but the borders get very fuzzy and they mesh and meld together and every person's experience and exact combination of neuroses is different. listing out all of the potential mental illnesses and developmental differences i have been variously diagnosed with makes me sound ridiculous to many people, like i'm collecting labels for the fun of it: major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, inattentive ADHD, autism, possibly bipolar ... it all really comes down to being a generally neurotic and obsessive person, prone to bouts of suicidal depression and social isolation. i just call myself an eccentric.

psychiatry is strange. i was evaluated for ADHD but my case was 'subclinical' because i wasn't struggling enough academically at the very moment i was evaluated. i'm personally not interested in being evaluated for autism because as likely as it may be, i don't have a comorbid intellectual or cognitive disability that impairs my functioning and being treated for my other mental health issues would probably do more for my social difficulties than anything else. i know i'll never stop having circumscribed interests or feeling fundamentally different from other people, but when i don't feel so sad i get along better. i sometimes explain to people that i'm very likely autistic and they forgive/stop making fun of some of my strange tendencies, but that's about as far as that label takes me. i definitely have OCD and that's one label that i find extremely fitting. my therapist and i have talked extensively about it and done some acceptance therapy, i wasn't ever clinically evaluated but she was the first one to bring it up as a very obvious struggle of mine and understanding myself as obsessive-compulsive has helped me a lot.

i wouldn't normally be so worried about untangling the differences between three very similar mental illnesses given the fuzzy boundaries, but the question of if i have bipolar disorder has really been nagging at me -- mostly because my symptoms make me want to kill myself. bipolar disorder runs in my family and i've been questioning for about two years now if i've got bipolar ii or cyclothymia or if my frequent depressive episodes are just being exacerbated by my OCD and that neuroticism and urgent panic is similar to what would be known as hypomania. getting this figured out matters to me because finding the right combination of therapy and medication that is usually used to treat these symptoms would really help me. i'll say that lamotrigine/lamictal, commonly prescribed for bipolar patients, has been the single most helpful medication i've ever been on. if i weren't on it, i would be a wreck.

hmm. i'm not asking any commenters to armchair diagnose me, i guess i'm just thinking out loud. i'm not really sure how to broach the topic of bipolar with my psych or my therapist without setting off "google doctor" alarm bells ... and i have to admit, i'm worried that people will look at me differently with that label attached. i'm used to my OCD being misunderstood and stigmatized but people usually have a better understanding of it after i explain what it's really like, but bipolar is extremely stigmatized. i'll see it listed as a severe mental illness (and i suppose it is, but i still get that defense "hey! you don't know what it's like!" sort of reaction to it), most people are scared of it or hateful towards it, and i guess there's a kernel of truth to it somewhere. my grandmother had a pretty acute case. she was a very complicated person, and she really hurt some people. lithium helped her. it helped my mom's major depression, too. i'm scared that i am going to hurt people. sometimes i feel so angry that i want to hit something, i want to make someone else feel as bad as i do, sometimes i feel so desperately lonely and terrified that i cling onto people like they're the only thing keeping me afloat. ultimately i'm far too nervous and passive to do much of anything and i'm very good at holding in my most extreme emotions, but i fear it leeches out of me. i break everything i touch. i don't want to break people.

i look up things like "bipolar celebrities" to make myself feel better and like there is hope, and all the lists are the same: this person killed themself, this person killed themself, this person did something awful and lives in disgrace, this person killed themself, this person killed themself, this person killed themself ... so far it's not done much to soothe my nerves. i guess carrie fisher did alright for herself though, yea?

... i don't want to be my grandmother. i don't want my neuroticism and irrational emotions to be taken out on the people i love, taken out on anyone, really. world's longest sigh. i'll get shit figured out eventually. my recently upped dosage of lamotrigine should keep me afloat for a while. i'm gonna play minecraft now

[shopcat]

what would your ideal version of steddie be and their future selfs? like their relationship/how they get together but also how do you think they would be in the 90s/etc?? like basically what is your ultimate steddie timeline i just think you know what's up

INTERESTING... i think i've thought of a lot of this separately but never put it all in one place so you get to see the inside of my mind for real now HEH >:) i have lots of little ideas and concepts i hold near and dear so i will just say them all

i have no idea how they would get together to be honest but i maintain they would be friends for a while before then anyway!! i think to not acknowledge the like trauma they faced and recovery eddie would be going thru + potentially the recovery STEVE should also be going through what with the upside down being officially "gone" (and his own injuries too!!) would be a disservice..

so like with that in mind i just think they are a very classic best friends for a couple years who get closer and closer and realise eventually they're kind of already dating and then they really start with as much of the pitfalls of that you may or may not like. say anything came out in 1989 and i have this intense and undying need for steve to say anything outside eddie's window with a boom box it almost makes me sick

this concept can also play host to many silly instances of romantic frustration such as one of my favourite concepts ever -> Steve Harrington, Love Expert (vs His Own Autism)... i am so obsessed w how he gave dustin (horrible) advice (that steve himself doesn't even FOLLOW he is literally entirely the opposite of the concept of "act like you don't care" he cares so much. he cares so much he makes himself throw up on multiple occasions. he's insane. he's a tween girl in a teen boy body) plus all those canon-adjacent things from like the stranger things experience etc where he's writing into love columns and stuff COMBINING, in a triple KO, with that he and robin canonically watch romcoms together and go "this is SO US!" gives you a guy so absolutely obsessed with romance as a concept it would be lame if it wasn't just like aw... buddy <3

i have this picturesque vision in my mind of him over the course of many weeks maybe even months giving people off the cuff advice whether they ask for it or not because in his eyes he IS. steve harrington love expert. including and up to: hopper, customers, customers at a place he doesn't work at, all the kids, robin, himself in the mirror, EDDIE, mrs henderson.. nice baristas... and i think every single time without fail if eddie is there to see it he will do whatever it is steve is saying whether it's like, subconscious or WHAT i don't know AND he will also follow the advice himself aimed towards eddie

leading comedically to situations like -> "just get her flowers man!!! don't try and find out her favourite just guess what she'd like and put some effort into it" -> as he's saying this eddie plucks a flower off of a bush and hands it to him and steve's like :) haha thanks and tucks it into his breast pocket or a button hole or something -> and then literally like an hour later he comes home with an actual bouquet for eddie who just thinks he's Brightening The Place Up -> who then sees a week later the flower eddie gave him steve pressed and is drying to keep... this will continue forever and ever. because they are silly

i also have multiple little scenarios re: living situation bc unfortch being 20 and living in a small town and not knowing what the hell ur going to do is hell on earth and i am living that right now as well. not to mention hawkins may or may not be actually hell on earth. so i like ->

moving to a city!! the idea of him leaving absolutely everyone behind makes me ill so i think in this scenario at the very least the hendersons move + stobinie plus wayne follow

in that city i think steve and robin would get MANY beautiful jobs which i try and brainstorm on the daily and throwing eddie into the mix makes it that much better. they were born to be grocery store stockers. they were also born to work at all manner of gimmick strip mall places and like. haunted hay rides or scare actors during fall. and tropical theme bars. and theme parks.

i also personally think steve loves movies a lot he loves to like, reference them and shapes a lot of his own life after them imo and especially after FV i think it only gets more intense and i can see him working at a movie theatre too which isn't anything crazy it's just nice bc of this... :) also tbh just at FV again it really is the ultimate job to me but for this specifically. he would give the best recommendations to me when he's not fail-flirting... he was born too old to work at blockbuster

i also like the idea of them going to college SO. THE COLLEGE VERSION -> eddie undecided major, robin film studies, steve sneaks into random lectures on the daily (he is not enrolled) (or allowed) (on campus). robin and eddie dorm and steve couch surfs. robin runs a paranormal club but the kind that's just an excuse to have a club room to hang out in (and in the ultimate dream world they really do jokingly ghost hunt for people on campus and may or may not encounter such ghosts...). nancy jonathan argyle visit. it's beautiful. steve does two semesters of college cheer unofficially. also i don't think he isn't in college to keep up with the notion he couldn't get in cuz he's dumb or anything i just think it's also important to stay true and beautiful and something true and beautiful..? is that school sucks and i think he'd hate it. but he loves his friends so he becomes the equivalent of the campus cat

as for the future future i have NO idea. i think they would get married young bc to be honest i just love that shit. eddie cuts his hair 3 different times. steve dyes his black a couple times and shaves it twice but most significantly in 1987. i think they would have like 6 cats. all 3 of them and wayne live in one house at one point. because living with a parent rules actually. robin and wayne would go to concerts together in my heart. one of my ultimate dream jobs for steve or eddie is either some sort of bodega/deli worker eventual owner or like a diner and i also really love ultra specific shit. like he does search and rescue or is a park ranger. or he picks up lifeguarding again!!! i think eddie would also accidentally live the plot of school of rock at one point too.