#using the song lyrics “if you need to be mean be mean to me”

[lazyjellyfish300]

how about a soft drabble of Miguel taking care of a reader with a broken arm or leg. like he has to help her move around by carrying her and helps he bath but keeps his eyes closed? just a cute him taking care of his friend/crush?

Awwwh you got it nonnie!! 🥰 TYSM for the idea, how cute!! Ended up being slightly longer hope that's okay! 🖤 And Happy 1 year Anniversary to our Miggy 🖤🫶🏽🥰

Fell in Love With You in Stages

Miguel O'Hara x Fem!Reader

ART CREDIT: @/onikeru426 on Twitter, pls go support them

Synopsis: Miguel takes care of you, his friend and secret crush when you break your ankle. Word count 1.1k

CW: injury, broken ankle, fluff, friends to lovers, pining, a tad suggestive in one part so minors DNI

A/N: got inspired by the lyrics to the song Me and You Together song by The 1975! Hope you like it 🫶🏽

----

Skateboarding in your twenties was a horrible idea. Hell, it had been years since you got on the damn thing. But, like a lot of things you were overconfident when you saw the Hello Kitty skateboard at a yard sale you made your friend Miguel pull over for in a random neighborhood a few blocks from yours.

He knew from the subtle inclination in your eyes towards the cutesy board with the cartoon kitten plastered on it that he should probably steer you in the other direction, only now it was too late when you had the board lined up with your right foot on it, giving it an experimental slide forward and back, using the leverage to push off with your left before you gravely overshot the the action.

With a loud crack as all your weight came down followed immediately by a fiery ache in your left ankle, skin on your palms burning from where the pavement scratched you, you walked away with nothing but utter embarrassment, tears, a hefty ER bill and 6-8 weeks down for the count.

Miguel can't make the weeks arrive by tomorrow for you with a brand new, healed and unbroken left ankle. 

But, he can buy you pizza, bring you whatever drinks and gas station candy you're craving, start you a bubble bath, and make sure every movie and TV show you want to watch is available. 

He'll even sign up for the free 7 day trial if it means you can watch that comfort show on repeat. And yes, he'll even let you use his credit card. 

He's feeling a strange mix of equal parts worried, but oddly elated, at his sudden promotion from just your friend to your personal nurse. This bizarre stroke of luck that has been presented to him. He feels horrible for you, yet this is an opportunity for him to get closer to you on a level he's only dreamed about. 

The chance to take care of you. Almost just how he envisioned he would if your precious name held the title of his girl. Oh he's been in love with you for ages. 

Maybe this week, he can finally tell you.  

----

You're in the bathroom, naked from the waist up, feeling the blood and frustration rush to your head as you weakly try and bend all the way over to take off your socks and pants, using the bathroom sink to steady against, your giant headache of a cast in the way while the sound of the running water in the tub plinks against the porcelain, a little cloud of steam from the heated bath and fog swiftly coating the mirror. 

You're about ready to give up when a broken knock comes at the door. Tapping once, then three times in rhythmic succession, the insiders knock between you and Miguel that signal he's on the other side. He enters, albeit with a large hand covering his eyes. 

"Need help?" 

"Yes please." 

Under normal circumstances you would've cowered and chucked the toothpaste at his head, telling him to get out, but this injury has thrown all sense of discretion out the door, desperate for any help you can get. 

Miguel slowly, cautiously, lowers his hand, breath caught in his throat when he comes face to face with your bare back before he yanks his hands back to his makeshift blindfold, cheeks blooming a vibrant red. 

You stare at him, faintly amused at his flustered reaction but appreciate he's trying so damn hard to be a gentleman. 

"It's okay, Migs. I'm covered up." 

Miguel swallows as he lowers his shield, an internal sigh of relief and the red pallette of his cheeks dimming down one degree when he sees that you're holding a towel up in front of you. 

Okay, admittedly(and a little shamefully), sure, he's allowed his mind to wander to less wholesome places when it came to you. But, he would never even approach the street sign to go down that fork in the road were you not completely, one hundred percent, unabashedly onboard with it.

And that was even if you loved him back. 

He holds you delicately by your ribs, lowering you so carefully into the bath, your cast foot raised and out of the way, skillfully maneuvering you like you weigh nothing, eyes trained in a way that is still chaste and away from your bare body but enough to ensure he's not at risk of dropping you in an unstable position.

When the heavenly warm water and foaming bubbles soaks you in, laying your head back with a relieved sigh, you catch him out of the corner of your eye, asking if he'll stay awhile. 

Much to his delight, his desire for nothing than to always be needed by you, he pulls up a chair and sits next to you, trading mild relaxing conversation while you enjoy your bath, pausing every so often to add a little extra hot water from the faucet when the temperature drops over time, the conversation is a little too good. Staying next to you in your bubble bath til your skin is a prune. 

It was only now you realized you really loved him back. 

---

And so this sweet pattern continued as he helped you dry off and get dressed, humming as he ordered the pizza while you chose the movie. This feeling of being together and having a routine, all while he took care of you felt like something that should be just normal life. This dream he had where you were together. Sometimes, like this unfortunate circumstance of a broken ankle, life could be shit. 

But you both were happy. 

And once you have that delicious, warm pizza in both your bellies, the movie gets a lot harder to focus on when the satisfied feeling starts encouraging you both towards sleep. 

Right now, he knows that those three little words will likely come out later on. The story between you two would definitely have more pages. But he's not complaining right now when your head slowly leaned on his shoulder, jerking suddenly out of a brief snap back to an awake state, but returning it back to position anyway against his heart. A sign that maybe you do love him too.

You're the one that makes him feel right. 

He fell in love with you in stages.

His whole life. 🎵

And that's all he needs for now as he allows himself to fall asleep with your head tucked under his chin, your hand accidentally on top of his where it secretly belonged the whole time.

----

@1-900-venusluvs @thatone-writer

🖤

[dailytomlinson]

Mexico City recap

Louis showed up wearing a Burberry mesh shirt

Setlist had 20 songs (Louis skipped Chemical)

“Fucking hell Mexico City, there is a lot of you here tonight!”

“I’ve just spent the first 3 songs just trying to come down, man. This is fucking incredible, look at what we’ve fucking created, I love you all, I love you all. Combination of emotional and fucking shitting it up here!”

“Fuck these creepy crawlies!”

Louis during the SIBWAC rainbow project: “It's better with the lights off! Not yours, these [the stage ones]”

“That shit with the lights was fucking incredible, thank you for that, I'll never, ever forget that, thank you.”

“I’ve been thinking over the last couple of days, let me get sentimental a second right, truthfully, I never grew up wanting to be a singer. I mean, course, I always wanted to be one, never in a million years did I think I was gonna get, nevermind here, just any stage. What’s really resonated over the last couple of days is: I say this a lot but I can sing the songs I wanna sing. If I feel like being a little moody and I wanna sit on the mic stand and stand here the whole time, you guys’ll have it. You guys are on board. When I was younger and you look for people to aspire to, people kind of gallivant across the stage doing all sorts of mad shit, and that’s not me. So I never saw myself doing this job– can’t call it a job, but you know what I’m saying. It’s nights like tonight that not am I just thankful for being on this massive stage– that goes without saying right, thank you, thank you thank you– but to have the luxury to be who I wanna be, to sing what I wanna sing, not every artist has that luxury, so I thank you from the bottom of my fucking heart that I have that fucking luxury, so thank you. A bit motivational speaker, isn’t it!”

“Can't keep the smirk off me face, I love youse!”

“Right, I’m getting sentimental again, listen up. I don’t do this a lot, but thank you to my fucking incredible band man, thank you, thank you, thank you. I obviously came up with One Direction, some of you like them, yeah, me too! I was used to having people around me, I was used to having people share this experience with. I’m getting croaky, can you hear me? So yeah, it’s been a pleasure to tour with these boys, I definitely could not do this without them, so thank you. Give it up for my incredible band please. Now onto you fucking wonderful people, you don’t need to hear this but I’m saying it anyway, I’m an honest guy. I’ve been a bit croaky today, so I came out, I were a bit nervous, a bit worried about the whole thing. You guys are fucking out of this world, honestly. I’m trying to come down to earth but I’m in awe, I'm in awe of this, I fucking love you, thank you. I wish I had more words– well I do! But right now it's just getting the better of me, so before I start breaking down into tears, thank you, thank you, thank you. I fucking love youse. With me Northern articulation there, okay!”

“I wanted one last chat, I do not want this show to end. I just wanna say a little moment, a little message to everyone, not just everyone here tonight, not just everyone who’s watching the stream. Every single person who has ever, ever supported me, in any fucking way, online, whatever it may be. I don’t care if you’re not here tonight, I don’t care you’ve never been to the tour ever, if you support me, I fucking love you. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I am in awe of tonight, I will dream of tonight, this has been a fucking incredible night, thank you.”

“[sings] I know nobody understands— Great lyric! [sings] me like you do!”

Closing: Silver Tongues

[dansevilpianotea]

what are some phancoded songs?

hiiii omg thanks for the ask!! i absolutely love talking about songs i associate with my interests!! (autism has been activated to the highest degree so this will be a long post, you have been warned)

here are some of what i think are classic dnp coded songs:

Guys by The 1975 (i see this as more about the phandom than about dnp tbh but its very very dnp coded no matter how you interpret it) That's So Us by Allie X Still into You by Paramore The Only Exception by Paramore

i have a whole ass 100 song long playlist about dnp but let me give you my favourites that aren't the usual classics:

Eighteen by Pale Waves

This city depresses me But you try to be everything I need We sat on the corner kissing each other Felt like I could finally see in colour I was 18 when I met you Poured my heart out, spilt all my truth I finally felt like I could feel for the first time When I met you

i mean????? thats 2009 dan and phil????? dip and pip??? hello!!??

also fun fact!!: this band is from manchester and this song was written by their non-binary drummer and lesbian lead singer (who lowkey gives lesbian version of dan). you should rlly listen to pale waves. idek if theyve heard of dnp but theyre true phannies to me.

Starlight by Muse

this song, man. never heard of muse until i got into dnp and then i this song was the first one is listened to.

Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms

i feel like it says sth about the expectations of being in a relationship while also presenting yourself on a massive public platform. wanting to be authentic and produce content^tm vs. being closeted and wanting to protect your relationship. 'I will be chasing a starlight, Until the end of my life, I don't know if it's worth it anymore'. Is worth it to constantly push the content out while feeling like a fraud for being inauthentic about your identity? 'And our hopes and expectations, Black holes and revelations'. the future may seem very dark and hopeless sometimes, it may not turn out how we expect or hope, but only once we face instead of fight it (embrace the void etc) we will forgive our past selves and see that the future really is bright. so yes, very dnp coded.

Anniversary by Autoheart

Years of nothing have subsided We have fixed each other up Giving you up? What are you on about? I'll never give up believing in us Giving you up? Now why would I do a thing like that? No I’m not giving you up, no way I will never stop when it comes to you

this song is not only dnp coded (kind of an october 19th theme song) but also has gained a new meaning since the return of dnp games <3. they didnt give up on us. they came back. and we really helped each other get here <3. think about it like that when listening and i guarantee you will be sobbing. the song also has some marriage themes bc theres wedding vows during the bridge so i will just let you live with that <33

Where the Lines Overlap by Paramore

Tracing patterns across a personal map And making pictures where the lines overlap No one is as lucky as us We're not at the end but oh, we already won Call me over And tell me how Well, you got so far Never making a single sound I'm not used to it But I can learn

we werent ready for their comeback / we're still learning to get used to it / just look at them / boiling frog theory / hard phaunch / do i need to say more

Yellow by Coldplay

this song became part of my playlist when phil didnt know a single coldplay song. unfortunately i cant take it serious anymore after dan was turned into a golden pig, then was literally glowing golden during a book event all while #pissyourself4dan was trending and every phannie on twt made their pfps yellow. i will curse your mind to with the lyrics and mental imagery: (im sorry but im also not bc this is how my autism thinks humour works)

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And everything you do Yeah, they were all yellow ✨✨ Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful ✨✨✨ And you know, you know I love you so 💛

✨✨✨

(im sorry again)

Safe & Sound by Tonight Alive

Dan in BIG: "for the first time since I was a tiny child I actually felt safe."

Nothing compares to what we share I don't have a care in the world Cause even if it all came crashing down, As long as you're around, I'll be safe and sound. 🧡

ending it with a nice one because its beautiful and sappy and its so them afterall. they really won rpf.

thank you for this ask, i enjoyed answering it!! (im sorry for taking so long. im on day 11 of a cold so ive not had much energy.)

[rheas-chaos-motivation]

How to fight writer's block (45 ways)

If you are indecisive like me, use a 1-45 number generator and do that one

Listen to music that's the vibe of the scene you need to write.

Set small goals, like one sentence a day. Majority of the time that will make you want to write more

Get an accountability partner

Use writing sprints, write for 5 or 10 minutes without stopping. Then take a break and repeat.

STOP BEING SCARED TO WRITE BADLY

write something random, maybe just a paragraph to get in the flow

write while doing something else, like eating lunch or watching TV if you can focus

read a book you wouldn't normally read

do some physical activity

do writing games/writing prompts

imagine people making fanfiction about your work

watch a movie/show to inspire you

write the scene you've been wanting to write

do something else creative (doodle, paint, cook, etc)

edit a scene

rewrite a scene in a different setting

take a shower/bath or just wash your face

pick up a random book/remember a book you've read and "pick a fight" with the author. What did they do that you didn't like and why don't you?

listen to your favorite song (with lyrics) but imagine it in a different context. imagine it a scene from a show/a show.

make a list of things you want to include in your work, eventually you will come across an idea you will want to write.

use pen and paper

create a check list of things you have to do (make them small like open computer, open google docs, write one paragraph, etc.)

identify your strengths

identify your weaknesses

write from a different pov

remember why you started writing this project

remember why you started writing in general

dress up and pretend you are in a movie about a writer

reread your writing and find your favorite part

create a writing ritual, do two thing to get you in the mood of writing

take a break

write for one imaginary reader, what does that one reader want to see?

write some bad poetry (helps you "feel" your emotions)

use this game, you have to write an amount of words that you choose before the opponent knocks you out: Fighter's Block! (cerey.github.io)

write with a friend

write badly on purpose. And when i mean bad or cringe i mean commit. Write a dicord mod x discord kitten Wattpad fic (maybe dont post it though 😭). Just make yourself laugh

If you are stuck because you dont know what to do come up with something stupid that can be changed later (for this one scene the hero a has fourth leg that allows them to dig through the wall)

Figure out why you can't write and address that first.

imagine someone reading your story for the first time and it inspires them to do something they wouldn't have done otherwise (confess to their crush, start writing too, come out, etc)

GIVE YOURSELF DEADLINES AND STICK TO THEM

OR HAVE SOMEONE GIVE YOU DEADLINES

write about having writers block

write something that isn't yours (dont steal peoples work and try to publish it/pass it off as yours). Like a scene from a show or incorporate song lyrics into your scene.

create Pinterest boards based off your characters/plot/scenes

STOP BELEIVING IN WRITERS BLOCK AND WORK THOUGH IT. WRITE IT BADLY. WRITE IT BADLY. WRITE IT BADLY. WRITE WHEN YOU DONT FEEL LIKE IT. WRITE WHEN YOU THINK YOUR TERRIBLE. WRITE WHEN YOU ARE UPSET. WRITE IT BADLY.

[sexycornenthusiast]

Mildly mentally unwell things I've said about Regina George PART TWO!!

Bonus: Me talking about Gretchen (completely normal)

[mudstoneabyss]

keep seeing posts about that one playlist posts and I've decided you all make character playlists wrong. they're not about being 100% accurate or sounding cohesive they're about putting any and every song that so much as reminds you of that character and, most importantly, having fun

[good-beanswrites]

My lyrics for Double!! I really loved this song and became like a thousand times more impressed by Deco27 and Natsuki Hanae after working with it for so long 😅 I chickened out of recording this one in the apartment but if anyone wants to cover it... lmk.... 👀 I can definitely put something together to help hear how the rhythms work, because I got it all to line up very nicely! (Lyrics under the cut and my little commentary in the tags)

(I’ve got you, leave it to me!)

Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change

Not a smile in this mess, you're doing your best, you say (wake up)

"Don't need a break" as you proceed to start breaking, both sleeping and waking makes you bleed

And now, reborn anew -- I'll take in on for you

Not your plan? Who gives a damn, I'm here and here is where I'll stay

It's just the two of us, nothing left to run from. You're safe now, your hero's come.

All I did was dream, is that a crime? Is that enough to name me guilty by?

"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?

Ah, I'm the one that saved you, don't you see? So tell me why the hell you cry to me!

Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- oh, sing to me.

Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change

Too late, your limits passed. Too late, yourself has cracked (goodnight)

If you persist I'll assist with releasing, keeping your peace is why I exist

And now reborn anew -- I'll take it on for you

(Oh, hello? Mom? It’s been a while. Yeah.. well, I mean, some days are hard but I’m doing alright, don’t worry. How’ve you been? I’ll go home next time I get some time off...)

The reason I'm alive, must be making sure that you survive

"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?

All I did was dream, did you forget? Go on and forgive me, I'm no threat.

Listen to me confess, honest. Eat your words and I bet, regret

Ah, I just tried to help, tried to be strong. So tell me why the hell it's all gone wrong

Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- don't sing me this song

Lost my memory

I'm double, it was unavoidable

Living painfully

I'm trying, as hard as possible

Tell me, tell me.

If I wasn't born, maybe this trouble --

Tell me, tell me.

It's all my fault

[waugh-bao]

“Tell Me Straight” Lyrics (KR, 2023)

[tevinter-pariah]

In terms of how they write lyrics and music, the heavy utilization of references, and the vibes™️ I propose that Will Wood and Dave Malloy are the same sort of weird music dude just like a generation and genre apart, and if they for one ever collaborated it would unlock a whole new genre of music beyond our comprehension, which is also now the thing I want most in this life.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

tell me if you wanna go home from begin again as a zoscar song perchance 🤔

[fridayiminlcve]

seeing u slowly become a taylor swift hater is the biggest character development in the history of this planet not going to lie to you fam

😭😭😭😭 thank you ig

[laesas]

Are we mentally stable or are we thinking about Tankhun thinking about Kim while listening to All I Need To Hear...

[ladychlo]

answering some asks here:

[fakemonalisa28]

Taylor Swift, the lady who wrote Shake It Off and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, has way to many lyrics about dying and death and wanting to die (positive)

[rosicheeks]

hi rosi! well, i was the anon from yesterday or whenever about the fantasy about being with you and read all your tags so like...i guess i'll be an emoji anon! i'll decide by the end of the ask which ill use i guess lmao. how was your day? i kinda wanted to ask like, so i guess you just go in your car and hangout at parking lots or whatever a decent amount, is that just to get some alone time? i forget what your current living situation is. also like what do you do for fun?! i know your a lil weed girly and you do your art (which i love btw, i want to try and buy a piece next time i get some kind of spare money) but is there anything else you like to do? i hope you had a good day whenever you get around to answering this<3 (btw i wanna smooch you i am telepathically kissing you right now) - 🎤

Hi hi hi!! Welcome 🎤 🫶💖

My day was pretty good! How was yours lovely? 🥰

Hmmm why I chill in my car is kinda complicated tbh. But I guess the main reason is so I can smoke and just kinda relax and enjoy myself ya know?

Yes yes yes I am a lil weed girly 🥰😇 and I do love my art (any sort - painting, photography, coloring 💖, scrapbooking, trying to get back into drawing)

I’m also a huge music nerd! I went to a performing arts high school and trained in vocal music. Learned a bunch of music theory and did a buuuunch of voice lessons. My goal was to be an opera singer but life had other plans.

Other than that I’m kinda boring. Just like chilling and watching shows (occasionally movies but I’m a sleepy baby so I usually fall asleep pretty fast).

[teaboot]

As someone who learnt english as a second language via textbook, I have to say "flying by the seat of my pants" is a hilarious idiom xD

It's the first time I've seen/heard it.

Could you share another one you like using?

Idk about idioms specifically, but there's a bunch of phrases I learned from my mom!

Lord love a duck! (Incredulous, like 'oh my god')

Lord suffer in sheep dip! (Sheep dip meaning sheep poop. Incredulous, but for annoying things- like 'are you kidding me?')

Is there a piano tied to your ass? ('Don't be lazy, do it yourself')

Someone's cruising for a bruising. (You're picking a fight.)

I don't give a rat's rip. ('I don't care'- a rat's 'rip' is it's butt crack.)

Pull up a stump! (Get yourself a chair, sit down.)

Everybody out of the pool! (Get out of the car)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants. (I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.)

Don't go blowing smoke up my ass. (Don't over-compliment me, don't flatter me, don't stroke my ego, don't tell me positive lies)

Looks like it's gonna rain on our parade. (A storm is coming.)

Sorry to rain on your parade. (I've given you bad news- can be used sincerely or sarcastically to denote sympathy for incurring a bad mood.)

Better button that lip. (Stop talking.)

Someone's gonna stick a boot up your ass. ('Stick a boot up your ass'- fight you, beat you, kick your ass.)

Stick that lip out any further, and a pigeon'll shit on it. (Stop whining.)

Suck it up, buttercup. (Stop whining.)

Dumber than a fence post. (Very stupid.)

The back forty. (The wild or forested area behind a rural home. The 'forty' being forty acres, or farmland.)

Don't go begging for a fat lip. (Whatever you're saying or doing is going to bother people and get you in trouble.)

What on God's green earth (What the fuck)

I'm sweating like a pig in a porta-potty (like a pig in a plastic outhouse- I'm very warm, it's hot here)

He thinks the universe flew out of his ass. (He thinks he's more impressive than he is.)

Your mouth wrote a cheque your ass couldn't cash. (You promised more than you were capable of providing.)

You've got a horseshoe up your ass. (You're very, very lucky.)

Taking a dirt nap. (Dead.)

Pushing (up) daisies. (Dead.)

Give me forty acres to turn this rig around. (I need time and space to move this large, heavy, or unwieldy thing. Usually about navigating a vehicle. Taken from a song lyric.)

Jesus take the wheel. (God help me, I can't handle this, I give up.)

Gone belly-up. (Has died.)

We've got a floater. (This one is dead.)

Herding cats. (Trying to organize chaos, managing an impossibly complicated situation.)

I've got a black thumb. (I am bad at growing plants, all my plants die- reference to having a 'green thumb', or being good at growing plants.)

Stop trackin' floor cookies. (Floor cookies are bits of animal shit that fall off your work boots- 'tracking floor cookies' means wearing your boots in the house; take your shoes off at the door.)

Running around like a headless chicken. (Frantic, disorganized, stressed out by many tasks or panicked by a big situation.)

Spinning my wheels. (Waiting around for something to happen, getting nowhere, frustrated by inactivity, not making any progress towards a goal.)

He's gonna blow a gasket. (He's going to lose his temper, he's going to be angry.)

They'll tan your hide. (They'll punish you severely; usually through violence. Specifically in reference to a spanking.)

He's a few bricks short a load. (He's not clever / he doesn't think things through / he's crazy)

Not the sharpest tool in the shed. (Not the smartest person. Very dumb, clumsy, or absent-minded.)

I'm not going to bail you out. (Not going to save your sinking boat- not going to help you out of your bad situation.)

Looks like things are going south. (The situation is growing worse.)

I'll start making tracks. (I'll leave now, I'll start working, I'll get going.)

He's fucking the dog. (He's not being productive, he's doing a bad job, he's made things worse, he's screwing around.)

He's making puppies. (Less graphic version of 'fucking the dog'.)

Plant your ass. (Sit.)

Playing grab-ass. (Procrastinating- accomplishing nothing, slowing people down.)

He couldn't find his ass in the dark. (He's stupid, ineffective, underqualified, or incompetent.)

He couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. (He is unbelievably, comically dumb or ineffective. He can't do anything right.)

One foot in the ground. (Dying, or half-dead.)

I'm kicking rocks. (I'm not doing anything productive.)

I'm hauling ass. (I'm running away.)

Madder than a wet hen. (Very, very angry.)

Like I said I'm not sure that these are all idioms but they're all the phrases and sayings from my childhood that I can remember right now

EDIT: Cannot BELIEVE I forgot my mom's favourite

52. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets filled first. (Wishes don't come true by themselves)

Plus some more I forgot:

53. You make a better door than a window. (You're in the way of my view.)

54. You can take a long walk off a short pier. (Go fuck yourself.)

55. He's about as sharp as a bowling ball. (He's stupid.)

56. Scoot your poot. (Move over.)

57. Not my first rodeo. (I know what I'm doing.)

58. He's built like a brick shithouse. (He's broad and sturdy and very strong, solid.)

59. I smell bacon. (I saw a cop nearby.)

60. I don't want to hear a peep. (Stop talking.)

61. You're thinking with the wrong head. (You're making bad decisions because you're horny.)

62. I'd lose my ass/head if it wasn't tied on. (I'm very absent-minded, forgetful.)

63. That went down like a lead balloon. (That situation was bad.)