DpxDc fic where Danny is just haunting the Bats and providing memes to the internet whilst being invisible
Because I read a fic ('the curious case of who lives in the walls' by RaccoonRobyn over on ao3) that has Danny chilling in the Wayne Manor's walls and commenting on the Wayne's habits and goings on and i just
Tl;dr danny has a twitter page where he invisibly follows the bats and documents their funny mistakes like a nature documentary.
One day a Gothamite spots a new twitter page on their feed. Its not got a lot of posts, but they're all pictures. And the first one is... Nightwing. Lying on the concrete, face-down, with another bat or bird very obviously laughing at him.
They think nothing of it. They compliment the photoshop for its realism, and move on. Except there's more pictures. All of them, every last one of them, has the Bats and Birds suffering from a trip, fall, a gaffe, a misstep, anything and everything.
And then they find a video
Its clearly a handheld or phone camera, pointed at Robin in an alleyway. Someone starts talking, in a very poor attempt at sounding like David Attenborough, narrating like a wildlife documentary. "Here we see the youngest of the Bat-brood partaking in one of its more private behaviors, unseen and unknown by its kin."
And Robin just. Steps further into the alleyway and gets swarmed by stray cats, all begging for food. He grins and starts feeding them, all whilst narration continues, talking about this like its an animal's behavior.
And they have more. So many more.
A video of Red Hood. He does a fancy gun twirl when nobody's around, bobbles it, and accidentally fires into the ground. He picks it up and acts like nothing happened. But the video sees all.
A video of Batman on a gargoyle on a skyscraper, with shaky footage from clearly around a corner, but on the same level. "Commentary on this specimen has been added in post, for reasons you will soon see. Batman, the patriarch of the Bat-Brood, is incredibly elusive to research, and for good reason." In the video, the camera jolts a little and Batman turns suddenly to the sound of rocks moving. The camera goes still, and Batman scans the area, seemingly seeing nothing. Then, his white eyes turn blue, and he looks directly into the camera. Footage ends.
The acc posts a screenshot of a dm that is very clearly an Oracle sockpuppet. She has sent something along the lines of 'how have you obtained this footage, this is dangerous,' etc etc. His response is 'i am in ur walls lol'
He is not aware of the level of Bat Paranoia this brings out.
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"Okay." Danny slowly laid the already cold body back onto the table, ready to slide back it into the refuge of cold storage. "Okay. Dead guy. Stay there."
The body didn't move.
"Fantastic. Now. Hang out while I pour the embalming fluid into the pump, alright? It should only be a minute."
And it usually did; working in a funeral home wasn't extremely glamorous, but it paid the bills, and Danny had already been used to the rhyme and rhythm of negotiating death with the public by the time he sent in his mortuary school application. It had been a transition that made sense. And in the end, the degree had only cost him a few extra years post-graduation and a little dig into student loans, and now Danny had a stable 12-8 job and health insurance valid in the state of new jersey.
Today, though, the pump had that decided enough was enough. With a bang and a boom, the pump spat out a cloud of smoke and clunked uncomfortably.
The dead body sat up.
Danny scrambled over to push it back down. "No. We talked about this. Dead people don't move. If you want to stay here and have me put you back together all the time, you have to stay put. Got it?"
Whatever the weird gold-eye corpses were on in Gotham, they at least listened to him on occasion. They weren't ghosts, per se— they never pinged on any of the ghost detection devices Mom and Dad had packed in his going-away-to-college bag— but they were, despite being occasionally animate, perfectly deceased.
Weird. Danny had never gotten used to it. Still, they came in droves, too eager to sit on the top of the basement stairwell and lurk in the corners and stare endlessly at them with their weird, avian eyes, and sometimes they heralded the arrival similarly weird-ass bodies that had lost their heads or their arms or their limbs through the more conventional channels.
"I'm losing too much thread to all y'all coming in all the time," Danny complained to the dead body, who, at the moment, was the only person present to blame. "Stop getting your limbs cut off. This stuff is expensive, you know. It's a specialty order."
The body didn't even have the courtesy to blink. Rude.
"At least let them bury you this time. Every time one of you darts off when my back's turned, my boss thinks I'm stealing corpses. My coworkers think I'm building my own Frankenstein or something."
The corpse neither verbalized nor blinked, but Danny hadn't expected it to; with a sigh, he rolled the corpse back into cold storage, locked its little door (not that locking it in had ever stopped it) and called it quits for the night.
It's not like anyone was paying him for the extra hours anyway.
The whole fic on ao3
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[Thoughts about an MC who gets periods]
Getting periods in the Devildom must be pretty rough. Demons probably don’t get them, and the number of humans freely wandering around has to be incredibly low. If MC takes the form of a sheep then they likely don't have to deal with it immediately, but eventually that's going to wear off and they'll revert back to a human. Does the Devildom even have pads and tampons for sale?
MC might have to sheepishly ask Barbatos if he can acquire some in bulk from the human world. Barbatos would remain professional as always when inquiring about the use of these products and their role in daily life. He'd have to report it to the prince. They're both aware of what periods are, but only in a vague "oh yeah, humans do that" kind of way. (Perhaps in the future, Lucifer could use his secret Akuzon account to order more?)
There's surely some plant or potion that prevents them, but they're not meant for long term use. Probably tastes nasty over time and covers human skin in a weird oozing rash if consumed too often.
A month or two into the exchange program, MC might have to call up Solomon for aid.
---
“Can you help me with something?”
Solomon, not too interested in MC yet, agrees just to be amicable with his fellow human exchange student. They must be scared! They must be missing humans! “Is something on your mind?”
“You know how to do magic, right?”
What a silly question. It’s almost refreshing to hear. “I do.”
“Do you know… like, uh, smell…? Reducing magic? Something to cover up smells? Without being obvious, I mean. I feel like I stink and I was really hoping you could help me figure something out.”
How cute, he thinks. He can’t quite remember the time when he smelled fully human anymore, and he can’t really smell the distinct odor on people that demons can, but he knows demons can easily sniff out a human from afar. “Oh, don’t worry about that. It should go away on its own as you spend time here.”
MC isn’t convinced. “I don’t think it will…”
“Trust me. How are you finding Devildom cuisine? I know you’re not used to it, but eating more will help you adjust. I can whip up a few simpler dishes for you to try if you need help.”
MC is silent for a bit. Solomon thinks his job is done until they say quietly, “that’s not the problem.”
“What?”
“I’m pretty sure the brothers I live with can smell, uh, my cycle.” No use being coy about it, better get straight to the point. “They stare at me when I’m on my period. I think - no, I know - they can smell the blood. I’ve seen them sniff the air when I’m around. It's weird. And I can’t exactly stop it from happening every month.”
“Oh.” Now it’s Solomon’s turn to be quiet. He’s embarrassed and surprised, a little humbled, and also really interested in this problem. It’s not something he’s ever thought about before.
MC continues, “I think they can tell when I’m ovulating too, Asmo started lingering around more often, and Lucifer looked scarier than usual, and they all stare more, and-”
“I think I get it.” Solomon can’t stop his face from turning pink. Despite his usual grin, he doesn't think he’s ready to listen to the rest of MC’s sentence.
There should be an easy solution, but it’s something that warrants testing if MC doesn’t want the brothers noticing a sudden spell cast upon them. It could get mistaken for something malicious. Solomon says, “I might be able to help. Can you come over today?”
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🏹💘...!
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18+ minors dni
warnings: overstimulation 🎀
★・・・★・・・★・・・★
jason todd who absolutely cannot handle jealousy. who sees red at the slightest lingering stare from a man at the bar while you’re laughing about something you heard at work. who struggles to contain his urge to maim when some asshole ogles the shape of your thighs in your mini dress. who memorises the number plate of any driver who rolls past with their window down to yell out something obscene about your body, knowing the red hood will be paying them a visit later.
it’s probably the lazarus pit talking, but he knows it would be so easy to shatter every bone in their bodies with his bare hands—and, shit, it would feel fuckin’ great. but he’s promised you he’ll save his anger for the ‘real’ bad guys in gotham, so he settles for the next best option: fucking you so good you can barely remember your own name.
one of his hands gropes at your breasts while the other rubs tight circles on your clit as he ruts into you, the obscene sound of your wetness around his cock sending a chill down his spine. he’s worked three torturous orgasms out of you already—two with his mouth, one with his fingers—and you whine desperately as you feel him going for a fourth. your hands weakly claw at the y-shaped scar on his chest as he angles your hips off the bed, so that every thrust brushes against the sensitive spot in your walls.
he looks down at you with a mixture of pride and ferocity. “what’s the matter? too much for you, ma?” he asks, his voice ragged as he fucks into you. your eyes are watery and you’re reduced to a string of incoherent moans, your walls clamping down on him hard as he speaks. jason smiles wide—that’s all the answer he needs. seeing you gasp and writhe at the sensitivity as your fourth orgasm is forced out of you is enough to confirm what the both of you already know. none of those guys could fuck you like this, baby.
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
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obligatory beach divorce doodling
bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut
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Did a part two to this comic
Turns out Edgeworth just likes to see a more vulnerable side to Phoenix
It doesn’t translate well
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which could mean nothing
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18+ MDNI — soapgaz x f!reader
boyfriends soap and gaz who have a habit of sending each other videos of themselves having sex with you. not in a braggy, "haha she prefers my dick" type of way, but more like a "dude look how hard she came when i touched her like this, you gotta try it, man" way.
boyfriends soap and gaz who have a groupchat for you to send your nudes so they can jerk off together.
boyfriends soap and gaz who are supposed to be giving you attention but they can't stop kissing each other when they're between your legs.
boyfriends soap and gaz where one of them positions you perfectly—holding your legs apart, angling your hips just right, keeping your head steady, holding your tits in place, etc—just to watch the other man lose his mind over how good you feel.
boyfriends soap and gaz that turn any friendly competition into an excuse to fuck you first.
boyfriends soap and gaz where one of them always has a hand under your shirt while the other always has a hand in your pants.
boyfriends soap and gaz who rile each other up by talking about how tight and wet you are; sometimes they end up fucking each other to the thought of you.
boyfriends soap and gaz who always make special requests of the other man to fuck you when one of them is away. basically making specialized porn for them to watch when they miss you.
boyfriends soap and gaz <3
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