#well I missed it bc my train was cancelled and now I’m sitting in a. coffee shop and . (bo burnham

[exhaustedwerewolf]

uhoh

[itsdanii]

can i req the iwa, atsumu, and suna being in a secret relationship w the reader and the reader gets insecure bc they wanna keep it a secret? w comfort after plspls

Hey, bubs! Of course, you can request ♥️ Unfortunately, I'm only taking 1-2 characters per request so I canceled Iwaizumi from the list. Also, this is only Atsumu's part. Don't worry, I'm still going to do Suna's part, however, it will be uploaded tomorrow instead of today. I hope you enjoy it! Have a good day, stay safe and hydrated! ♥️

Secret Relationship

genre: semi-angst to fluff, comfort

warning/s: self doubt and insecurity, descriptions of anxiety, do message me if i missed any

a/n: please do read the warnings before you proceed. warnings have been put there for a reason.

ft. atsumu miya

maybe keeping your relationship wasn't the best decision after all

Atsumu Miya

You and Atsumu have been in a relationship for 2 years now

With the rising popularity of Atsumu, not only throughout Inarizaki but to the other schools as well, he decided on keeping your relationship a secret

Though you respected Atsumu's choice, it can't be helped that sometimes your emotions got the best of you

Random girls would always approach your boyfriend. They were basically anywhere, everywhere - at school, during practice matches, and even when you were both trying to have a simple date on a nearby cafe

You tried to confront Atsumu about it once but you only ended up fighting, him saying that there was nothing to worry for because you were the only person he loved

So despite the heavy feeling of insecurity looming over you, you tried to understand his side which eventually caused the both of you to make up

You tried to ignore the insecurity and put your trust on Atsumu

But maybe sometimes, trust isn't just enough

"Y/n, someone's looking for you."

You lifted your gaze from the book you were reading, eyes snapping towards the direction of the door where two unfamiliar students were currently standing and waiting for you.

Even without having the need to hear what they needed you for, you instantly knew why they're here. For the past weeks, after Inarizaki's defeat against Karasuno, you've been bombarded by several girls, holding chocolates and teddy bears in hand, asking you to deliver them to Atsumu since they were afraid of giving it to him directly. So, as his "bestfriend," they wanted you to give it to him instead.

And although you wanted to be mad and scream at them to stop, you couldn't just do that. It would be wrong for you to snap at them since nobody, aside from Suna and Osamu, knew about you and Atsumu's relationship.

Sighing loudly, you shut the book you were reading and went over to the two girls with a semi-forced smile. "For 'Tsumu?" you asked, taking the paperbag from them and taking a peek of what's inside.

One of the girls nodded eagerly, her eyes sparkling as she fanned her face with her hands. "Yes, please! I really really like Atsumu and the way he played from the previous match was so splendid! With every spike, I can't help but fall in love even more!"

You could only chuckle at what she said because even though there was a feeling of jealousy inside of you, you wouldn't be able to deny that what she said was true. You loved how he was able to inspire other people through sports and you couldn't be more proud of being his s/o.

"Please hand this letter to Atsumu, senpai!" the other girl said, bowing down as she handed you a letter.

You reluctantly took the envelope from her, your body becoming stiff as you muttered a small "Okay."

"I put all my feelings and support in that letter so I'd really appreciate if you handed it to him," she said with a smile.

Just how were you supposed to tell these girls to stop giving you stuff and ordering you to hand them over to your boyfriend? You weren't the type of person who would hinder others to relay their feelings. In fact, it wasn't your job to blatantly tell them to give up. It was Atsumu's responsibility, not yours.

But it wasn't your obligation to be their messenger as well.

Torn between two sides, you decided on maintaining a polite smile, giving the two juniors a pat on the head before nodding. "I'll make sure to deliver these to him, okay? Now, go back to your classroom and study well."

The two girls glanced at each other, eyes sparkling before smiling at you. "Thank you so much!" Turning around, the two went on their way, squealing slightly at their successful mission.

You, on the other hand, sighed and stared at the paperbag with a small frown. "Guess that's two more girls on the list," you mumbled before slipping back inside your classroom.

-

When the class ended, you immediately headed to the gym where you knew Atsumu was currently training. With the paperbag and 2 more boxes of chocolate given by some fangirls along the way, you entered the gym and placed the items down on the empty bench.

"That fer me, angel?" came Atsumu's voice from behind you.

Spinning around, you were met with a grinning Atsumu before getting engulfed with a warm hug. Sighing with your eyes closed, you wrapped your arms around him tightly, unconsciously gripping the back of his jersey. You couldn't help but bury your face more to his chest despite the slight sweat clinging to his clothes.

"Ya alright?" Atsumu murmured beside your ear, worry obviously evident on his tone as he slightly squeezed you.

As you were about to answer, someone from behind Atsumu cleared their throat. Your small moment was immediately cut off and Atsumu reeled back as if you were caught doing something wrong.

The comfort he brought awhile ago was instantly replaced by uncertainty and insecurity, making your heart throb as you bit your lower lip.

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" Aran asked while shifting his gaze between you and Atsumu.

With a forced chuckle, Atsumu was quick to scratch the back of his head. "It's fine. I was just givin' y/n here a hug. They seem kinda down. Ya know, bestfriend duties."

Bestfriend.

"Ah.." Aran simply muttered with a slow nod. "Practice is almost done. Why don't ya sit down while we cool down and clean up?"

Sitting down on the bench, you looked at Aran with a small smile before nodding. "Okay," you said before turning your head to Atsumu's direction. His eyebrow was already raised as if asking you whether you were fine or not.

"I'm fine Atsumu. I'll wait for you here."

When the boys went back to the court, you were left alone to ponder with your thoughts. It felt as if the sounds around you suddenly died, your self doubts once again making its presence known.

You knew how much Atsumu loves you. In fact, he never failed to remind you everyday. Not once did he forgot to say it and express it through actions, or at least when you were both alone.

Everytime you were in school, he would deny your relationship. When people asked if you were his s/o, he would simply shake his head and claim you as his bestfriend. It really didn't bother you at first but as the time passed, you were slowly starting to question why he would do such thing.

Though he claimed that it was to avoid people from harassing you and picking on you, was it really? What if there was a deeper reason?

What if he was slowly getting tired of you? What if he didn't even liked you in the first place?

You anxiously tapped your foot on the floor at the thought. Gripping the hem of your hoodie, you stared at the gifts you brought from his fangirls. You knew that it was an act of invading someone's privacy but you couldn't help but reach for the letter given by your junior awhile ago.

You took a quick glance at the boys, checking if they were still cooling down, before opening the envelope slowly. As you read on the letter, you unconscious tapped your foot faster on the floor, your grip on the paper tightening as you let each words sink into you.

Bit by bit, you absorbed what was written on the paper, making the unpleasant feeling inside you deepen. You wouldn't deny that the letter was well written and you were certain that if it was handed to Atsumu by that girl personally, she might be able to get his attention.

After all, she was pretty. She looked like a bubbly person and someone who people would easily get along with. There was an optimistic aura around her which you knew Atsumu would appreciate.

And maybe if-

"Y/n."

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Atsumu's hand touching your shoulder.

Jolting up slightly, you looked up at him with wide eyes, immediately noticing the worried expression on his face. "Tsumu.." you mumbled with a shaky voice, your eyes glossing with tears as your lips trembled.

Atsumu was quick to sit down beside you. Lifting you up, he sat you down on his lap and nestled your face on the side of his neck, knowing how much you hated it when people see you crying.

"Y-your teammates," you mumbled against his skin, hiding your face even more as you tightened your grip on the letter you were holding, almost crumpling it.

"Let's worry about them later, alright, angel? Yer my priority and ya know that," he answered while rubbing your back, "Now, tell me what happened. Why are ya crying?"

With the overwhelming emotions surrounding you, it took you a few seconds before you could answer, and you were thankful that Atsumu was patient enough to wait instead of forcing you. "Do you really love me, Tsumu?"

You felt Atsumu stiffen at your question and for a biref moment, you were scared of hearing the answer.

Was this it? Was he really lying to you all this time?

"Look at me, angel," Atsumu said, slightly pulling away from his embrace to cup your cheeks in his hands. "Of course, I do. Where is this coming from? Did somebody-"

"No," you cut him off. "It's just that... you always tell people that we're nothing but bestfriends. I can't always have my moments with you because you want to hide our relationship. It didn't really matter at first but... because of your constant denial, your fangirls would keep sending me these random stuffs and ask me to give them to you. I'm scared, Tsumu. What if one day you get tired of me... or worse, what if it's me who gets tired? I don't like this set-up..."

"Y/n-"

"I want to be able to express my feelings. I want the people to know that you're mine. Why can't you show them that you love me, Tsumu?... Do you even love me?"

Atsumu was left speechless as he listened to your words. All he could do was rub your back soothingly while listening to you as you let everything out. As you did, the guilt inside of him kept on piling up, enough to make him clench his jaw at how disappointed he was at himself for making you cry.

"Of course, I do. I love ya so much, angel. Don't ever ferget that. I'm sorry fer not taking yer feelings in consideration. I didn't know that ya have been feeling this way fer quite a while now. I really thought that we were already fine after our first argument about this but.. I guess I should've paid more attention," Atsumu said while staring at you, his hands still cupping your cheeks to angle your face to him. "The reason why I wanted to hide our relationship was fer people not to bother ya. It wasn't my intention to make ya feel insecure. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, angel." Wiping your cheeks with his thumb, Atsumu leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead. "Would it make ya feel better if we open our relationship to other people? No more hiding it."

Nodding, you wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled. "Mhm, yes, please."

"Alright, if that's what ya want."

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

[starglow-xx]

owning a bakery and being discovered by the ada and the port mafia (part 4)

platonic! mori ougai x f!reader

type of writing: head canons !!

this is part of my head canon series, flour & fluff !!

tag list is open !! go to this google form and fill it out to sign up!

series synopsis: owning a bakery at 20 is tough; even more so when you have to handle members of two opposing organizations! this is your journey to meeting those fools and creating an unlikely bond with each of them. but only at the cost of your peace and sanity.

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: fluff & platonic stuff

previous: the doctor is in the house (quite literally)

author’s note: it’s port mafia time! ages are still one year younger than canon

also!! my 100 followers event still has 7 5 4 3  2  1 spot open for requests!! go check out this post for more info!! i’d like to get the whole prompt list done early so i have time to write them! (event is now closed as of feb. 10, 2021)

another doctor? oh wait, another doctor and his daughter

as you expected, ranpo and fukuzawa have not let you go easy after what had happened a couple days prior (3 days ago to be exact)

one of them, or more often than not, the two of them would go visit the bakery at least twice a day

once in the morning right before opening, and the second time right before closing

if they could, they would visit around lunch time, but that was usually yosano

tbh you were thankful that yosano hasn’t been as overbearing as the other two but you knew she probably wanted to give you a break because holy shit are they extremely over protective

currently, it was the fourth day of being watched by the two eldest ada members, but there were no said ada members with you at the moment

and boy were you overjoyed

turns out, the ada has an important escort job for a government official or smth, and on top of that, fukuzawa has a bunch of meetings to attend

even ranpo has his hands full with a couple of difficult murder cases across the country

you’re lowkey, no highkey, worried bc you learned literally 3 days ago that ranpo doesn’t know how to ride the train 😀😀

you were worried abt them, there’s no question, but on the inside you were a bit relieved to which ranpo called you out on it immediately 

that led to the two of you going at each other’s throats for nearly half an hour

let’s just say fukuzawa scolded the two fo you for a while

going back to the present, it was around one pm and you had just finished sending a text message to both fukuzawa and ranpo (cause they insisted) when a little blonde girl with blue eyes wearing a red dress matching with a red bow in her hair and red shoes walked in

she immediately went to the glass case to look at the desserts displayed

as she looked around, you watched her at the corner of your eyes and a with a smile as you wiped down one of the tables

after wiping down the table, you quickly went to go wash your hands and you walked over and stood next to her

you bent slightly and smiled bigger as she stared at one of the treats in the glass

“is that the one you want?”

she nodded without looking away from the glass

you giggled before going to the back and placing the one she wanted on the plate and held it out to her

the blonde was honestly so confused bc one, no adult supervision, and two, there was no tell tale way to know that she had money

to you, she was an open book so when she looked at you, her face immediately read “but i have no money, or a parent...??”

you simply patted her head and pushed along to one of the nearby tables and pulled a chair for her

you did not regret anything when you saw the look on her face when you told her that it was on the house

“name’s elise!” “i’m (y/n)!”

:D

you sat with her for a while continuing to give her sweets she reminded you of ranpo in all honestly and talking abt random things

she mostly complained abt a “rintarou” though

speaking of which, when a man in a doctor’s coat came through the door near screaming “elise-chan! elise-chan!” you figured that was probably the rintarou she was complaining abt

you smiled as you watched the two interact

“elise-chan why would just disappear like that?!”

“i wanted to see rintarou cry”

“so mean!”

...their behavior was questionable but endearing ig

“rintarou” suddenly turned to you, thanking you for “taking care of his daughter bc she’s always getting into trouble”

*cue angry noises and face from elise*

he introduced himself as a “local neighborhood doctor”

you smelled bullshit but didn’t say anything bc he has been kind to you so far

he asked you how he could repay you and you were thinking that you can actually win something bc you’re not refusing an ada member oh you poor oblivious child but you were appalled when elise answered for you

it went like this

“is there anything i can repay you with for taking care of my dear elise-chan? perhaps paying for all the sweets she has eaten?”

“oh no! don’t worry abt that, it’s nothing! it was a pleasure getting to know—”

“let’s buy out all of her food!”

h u h

you knew she enjoyed your pastries and stuff but like w h a t

you inwardly sigh in relief when the doctor agreed with you that “that’s a bit much elise-chan” and you were thanking every deity out there when suddenly

she threw a temper tantrum

you watched in confusion and slight horror at the 180 of the sweet little girl you were talking to like 10 minutes ago

her guardian panicked slightly and tried to get her to calm down but ahaha no that didn’t happen

“WAHH rintarou!! but i want it!! (y/n)’s food is the best i’ve ever had!!”

“b-but elise-chan, we can’t just buy—”

“i’ll wear all the dresses i’ve ever rejected and more if we buy it out right now and keep buying sweets here forever”

“...deal”

your eyes twitch at the “innocent” smiles the two gave you after their “talk”

fast forward literally 5 minutes and you’ve already flipped the close sign on your door with note (saying you’re sold out) and you’re all over the place running around behind the counter trying to fit everything into boxes as the two are sitting on a nearby table lightly chatting

about 20-25, nearly 30 minutes later you finishing packing everything in the glass case

it was a lot

we’re literally talking about tiered cakes and dozens of batches of cookies, cupcakes, literally everything and anything

when the two notice you’re done they get up meet you by the register

“a-ano, you really don’t have to buy all of this...the total is going to be quite large...”

“no worries!”

honestly at this point, you kind of missed the chaotic calls from ranpo that happened like every half hour

you thought you were done being surprised for the day but next thing you know men in suits come into Sakura’s and begin to load the boxes into a black car

dealing with the detectives was already starting to be a handful and now you have to deal whoever the hell these two people where

quite frankly, you were having trouble wrapping your head around all of this

like-

who buys out a whole bakery?!

and who has the money to buy out a whole bakery?!

what kind of job could you possibly have?!

was this guy really just a doctor?!

right before the two leave you call out to them

“a-ah wait! i don’t think i ever caught your name!”

the two blink at you before eyeing each other

“mori ougai” 😄😄

you started smelling bad shits again 

>:/

it was a weird feeling

you felt something off but at the same time, you weren’t really afraid 

and with that the two left

you were already tired from this whole thing but you now get the rest of the day off

so i guess something worked out in your favor

until the next fricking day

again, ranpo and fukuzawa canceled out on you

you weren’t sure if you were relieved or not

and as soon as you thought you were going to have a normal business day, guess who walked through the doors

yeah that’s right

“the local neighborhood doctor” and his daughter

you froze before eyeing them with suspicion

if mori was amused, he didn’t show it, only giving you a smile

elise immediately left his side and practically leaped onto you making you cut yourself with the knife you were holding

well shit now you’re bleeding

it was only 7:15 in the morning; you had literally just opened

you were cursing every deity out there

you quickly grab a nearby and press it against your wound and scrambled around looking for the first aid kit you had nearby

“oh? (y/n)-kun are you bleeding?”

“(y/n) i’m sorry!”

“a-ah, no worries elise-chan”

you really need to stop spacing out bc next thing you know, the sign on your door is flipped to close again (along with the same note from yesterday explaining you’re sold out taped on the door) and you’re sitting at a table with elise in your lap and mori wrapping your hand in a bandage

“tsk tsk (y/n)-kun you need to be more careful...but it is elise-chan’s fault”

“die rintarou!”

“but no worries! it’s not that deep so you don’t need stitches”

“thank you, mori-san, but can i ask why you and elise-chan are here again? not that i mind...”

whether or not you were lying is up to you

“oh we’re here to buy out your stock again!”

“wait what-”

the fuck???

did they not just buy everything yesterday???

frozen, you stare at the man in front if you with said man giving you another “innocent” smile

this little shit

wait till you meet dazai

but i guess that’s why the sign on the door is flipped to close bc you don’t even remember flipping it yourself or taping the note from yesterday to the door

you spent the next half hour trying to convince the two over some tea (your signature one of course) that “no you don’t need to or should buy everything i have, you’re going to deprive the rest of my customers”

cough cough ranpo

like the day before, you were losing this argument

can you just never win?

as you were losing the argument (obviously) you realized that you don’t even know why they want to buy everything again

“mori-san, why do the two of you even want to buy everything in the first place?”

“ah it was elise-chan’s request of course! but i do admit, after trying some of your sweets myself, i grew quite attached! so did the rest of my subordinates after my precious elise-chan made them try it, not like they could refuse her or me; i am their boss after all (y/n)-kun.”

*cue confusion*

“subordinates? wait are those the guys from yesterday?? aren’t you a doctor...?”

“ah ex-doctor actually, i’m the leader of the port mafia”

...

“ah (y/n)-kun that’s quite the coughing fit you have going on, do you need water?”

if it wasn’t obvious, you choked on your tea and had quite the coughing fit; you were wheezing and everything making elise leave you lap and settling for dangling over mori’s shoulders

“...you’re kidding”

“im afraid im not”

this man confuses the hell out of you??

like-

w h y would he just say that, to you of all people

but it explains the bad shits you were smelling/feeling yesterday

“are you afraid?”

“being completely honest with you, mori-san, not really”

“and why is that?”

you simply shrug not really knowing the answer

you aren’t lying, you just aren’t

maybe bc yesterday, he seemed more like a doting parent than the boss of the most criminal organization of yokohama

yes, you’ve heard the rumors, obviously, but just saying, if the port mafia wanted to hurt you, you’d probably be dead in a ditch by now

and they haven’t really been a bother to you, they were more like background characters in your life

well

until yesterday of course

mori simply raises an eyebrow and a smile seemingly okay with your very vague answer

“why did you tell me that mori-san?”

the man only smiles a bit wider at you and this time, you’re the one raising an eyebrow

“just a feeling” 

yeah you were starting to smell bad shits again

“and besides! elise-chan seems quite fond of you (y/n)-kun! i wasn’t planning on doing anything to you in the first place, but even if i wanted to, i don’t think i could! i wouldn’t want to upset my dearest cute elise-chan”

“die rintarou!”

“that’s mean elise-chan!”

your eyes began to twitch in slight annoyance

cause istg the duality of this man—

this strange strange man

oh dearest you haven’t even met dazai yet

after that has been said and done, somehow you found yourself in front of stores being dragged by elise

how did you end up there you ask? i don’t know either so there’s nothing we can do abt that

eventually, you found yourself holding a bunch of shopping bags full of dresses and clothes of the sort

some of it your size and the others elise’s

...

“mori-san?”

“yes (y/n)-kun?”

“why do i have bags of clothing that are fit for me rather than elise?”

“oh that’s because elise refused to go without you and if you didn’t get anything!”

yeah

that makes perfect sense, of course

you could see why elise kept on complaining abt this guy

the two of you actually bonded over making fun of him

you have n o fear

actually, maybe just a little

the three of you were out for basically the entire day and you were exhausted

cause holy shit there was a lot of money wasted, shopping bags obtained, and walking involved

it was around 5 pm when the three of you were making it back to Sakura’s

along the way you found yourself having a pleasant conversation with mori

even if he was a questionable person to be having a pleasant conversation with, you enjoyed it nonetheless

you hoped that it makes it harder to get rid of you if he ever changed his mind but we don’t talk abt that

anywho

when the three of you arrived, you immediately dumped all the bags you were holding and went straight to work packaging everything for “the local neighborhood doctor”

before they left, mori agreed to not buy out all of your stock except for some occasions but instead settled ordering massive batches of a little bit of everything every few days

how that’s not the same as buying everything you won’t ever know

you were standing outside Sakura’s watching the two get into the car that had arrived when suddenly, mori turned to you

“ah (y/n)-kun, i know that you wouldn’t tell anyone about this, it wouldn’t be like you to, but just a reminder, it would probably be in your best interest not to let anything slip to anyone okay? we wouldn’t want any enemies using you against the port mafia. so take care of yourself hm? see you next time”

and bippity boppity boo just like that, they were gone

how that man managed to get your personality down in just like 10 hours you don’t want to know

and that’s basically the story of how you started making more food/bake goods to sell

true to his word, every few days, or sometimes consecutive days, mori called you and made a large order

and i mean large

on those days, someone from the port mafia would pick it up and then you get paid

thankfully, by increasing the amount of food you made, you always had enough to put out on display and to sell even after the large order

before doing that, on those days you didn’t have a large stock, someone by the name of edogawa ranpo would weep at your feet

he will deny this; after all, great detectives don’t do weeping

or so he says

and speaking of the detective, you never did tell him what had transpired the two days he and fukuzawa were absent on checking on you

but tbh, i even think ranpo could’ve deduct this one

you didn’t tell him bc you were afraid, no of course not that’s ridiculous mori, in elise’s words, was a loser

you didn’t tell him bc you knew he and fukuzawa would flip the fuck out

and that would be a major inconvenience to you

you didn’t see the point in telling them anyway

so whatever, it’s like it’ll be important

and if ranpo and fukuzawa noticed the abundant of bags near the door leading up to the staircase when they visited you at the end of the day they didn’t say anything

jk

of course one of them said smth

“ne (n/n)-chan since when did you like to buy a bunch of things; waste of money if you could just be using that money to make more food so you wouldn’t sell out right away and have food to feed me”

your eyes twitched

he could’ve worded that a little better but whatever

it is ranpo-san after all

“i just got carried away since i closed up early; you know it isn’t often i get to go shopping”

and if he smelled your bullshit he didn’t say anything

for real this time

that slightly concerns you ngl

anyways

let’s just say quite a few heads were turned when they saw their boss leading a bunch of lower level subordinates carrying many light pink boxes of different sizes to his office for the second time

oh and just another thing

*whispers* he was lying when elise made his other subordinates eat your food; they kept it all to themselves”

was that a ruse to help lead the revelation of his real occupation who knows

“(y/n)-kun is a very interesting person don’t you think so elise-chan?”

“quiet. i’m eating cake.”

“that’s so mean elise-chan!”

<<previous // next >>

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[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Can I have Present mic, Aizawa, and all might where they learn their young student is fatherless? Like... their father walked out/went to prison when they were young. I'm sorry if this is time consuming, but I can't stop sobbing over my father.

I'm the situation baby but remember it wasn't your fault

I changed it up a little bit with Mics- I hope you don't mind

Present Mic:

• from the getgo something was wrong

• The moment you walked into class he could tell

• You looked like shit

• Dark bags under your eyes, hair messily brushed, just to get it out if your face, and your eyes were a light red.

• You didn't look particularly happy to be there either

• something turns in his stomach, a gut feeling that something really had went down

• And he hated seeing his students upset

• but he was relatively close to you to begin with, his felt different

• He felt like he had to do something

• Everyone settled into their seats as the bull rung but his eyes remained on you

• You honestly didn't pay attention during the lesson

• He could tell as much

• class finishes and the bell rings but you sit still, and it's not until most of the students have trickled out of the room do you start packing up

• He walks over and kneels in front of the desk "You okay there? You don't look so good," he looks concerned and his heart drops when he sees your lip start to quiver

• It takes you 0.27 seconds to break and you're frantically wiping your eyes as sobs wrack your body

• He's got his arms wrapped around you in seconds and you're leaning into his shoulder.

• He isn't sure exactly how long you're crying for but eventually you calm down enough to get out a coherent sentence

• "My-My dad was arrested Friday night. He won't tell me why- he won't let anyone else tell me why and I don't know what else to do," you cry, "I miss him so much and its only been a few days- I don't- I don't have anyone else, Mr. Hazashi,"

• And you're crying again.

• He has you take the rest of the day off, in fact he takes the day with you

• He calls in a sub (you don't know what strings he had to pull for that but you don't ask, at this point you don't care) and you two dip

• He takes you to get food, real food, that'll make you feel better

• He knows that'll help a little

• and after that he takes you to get something sweet- that tends to help mood and blood pressure and anxiety

• So he does his best with you

• He nutures you the best way he knows how

• if you need anything and I mean ANYTHING this man has you covered

• He does his best to step up in any way he can

• first off he extends his assignment deadlines and cancels two tests. Who needs them anyway.

• And you eat lunch in his classroom because he can well tell you don't want to talk to anyone else right now

• He closes it off (seemingly) so in reality its just you and him

• He'll probably tell Aizawa too but on the downlow (just so he knows)

• When holidays roll around, the dorms close.

• In this case- he let's you stay with him. He has an extra bedroom. He doesn't want you to stay in an empty house.

• You also get his phone number (which you gladly use) for anything really

• Bored? He'll deliver some shitty puns.

• Confused about homework? Text him.

• having a mental breakdown? He's got you covered.

• You got memes? Please for the love of God send them to him.

• The dynamic eventually shifts to a VERY father daughter relationship.

• He knows he'll never replace your dad. He understands that wholeheartedly, but he wants you to have someone

• He actually gets a letter from your dad, thanking him for taking care of you

• but he really doesn't mind

Aizawa:

• He had a feeling that there was something going on at home. Or rather, a lack of something.

• He's dealt with it in the oast- with himself and with past students and current ones

• Shinsou

• I mean, aside from that fact whenever parents were mentioned, you'd either stiffen up or wrinkle your nose

• You didn't really like the subject of parents

• There was an essay prompt about parents (nothing too personal) nd you ended up writing it on the extinction of dinosaurs and why God fucked up instead

"It'd be absolutely stellar to see huge lizards roaming the earth and occasionally stepping on people, you know? Jurassic park was onto something."

• Man's couldn't even fail you on it because it was written v well

• Anyway, he doesn't pry too much. He just silently figures it out by process if elimination and pattern.

• He doesn't really care too much

• In the sense if it doesn't define you and he doesn't help you because he pities you

• he helps you because he seems potential

• He takes you under his wing with shinsou

• Yall spend a whole summer training

• And that's when it all came out

• It was an accident really.

• Shinsou was tired, exhausted really

• and when people get tired- that tired- sometimes they spout random shot they wouldn't usually say

• and thats what he did

• he went on about his home life

• and if he could, you could too right?? You could trust them.

• "My dad walked out when I was a kid. Little, like 3. I have a few pictures of him holding me, but I guess it wasn't enough. I don't have any desire to meet him. Not anymore. But it left me feeling like I did something wrong? I guess? Which I suppose is why I train. Because then I feel strong. Which is a good difference from how it usually feels."

• He knew it.

• He called it.

• He was right again.

• He reassures you that you are good enough, strong enough, and his decision to leave had nothing to do with you

• and when he saw you give him a soft smile, he warmed.

• I mean really, it only goes up from there

• he'll deny it, or grumble under his breath, but he seems you two as his own

• Like these aren't my kids but they are my kids

• When dorms close on holiday yall get to stay because that's where he lives too

• Like if you chose too

• he's not gonna force you to stay but if you don't want to go home, you don't have too

• He has that power

• He will buy you food

• all you gotta do is ask

• and he'll roll his eyes and grumble something he doesn't really mean, just secretly happy that you feel comfortable enough around him to ask for something

• lmao family group chat

S: 'Hey Mr. Aizawa I found this cat. Hold on lemme send a pic'

A: 'Dont need a pic. Bring him home'

Y: 'What if he's ugly??'

A: 'gremlin. Bring him home.'

Or

Y: 'Hey I saw this tweet that said 'kids be like watch this and do a half roundhouse spin kick clap and waste my fucking time' and it make me think of you.'

S: @ mr. Aizawa when he has to watch deku do sumn

Y: Lmaoooo like when he threw the baseball

S: LMAOO

A: Me watching you too try to figure out how to beat me in training

Y: Yikes bro

S: That was a rough one

• Does he regret giving you and shinsou his number??

• Maybe

• Not really

• Lmao super secret lunch movie days

• Every week on wendesday yall watch a movie. Usually it takes 2 or 3 days to watch the movie since lunch is only 70 minutes

• @ you accidently calling him dad one day and shinsou snickering but it stuck

• dadzawa lmaoo

Allmight:

• Man's has 2 underlings.

• You and Deku.

• Picked you up when he started teaching at UA

• Ion know let's say one day you popped off bc he said some dumb shit and you were like no sir that's clearly wrong

• schooled him in his own damn subject

• the other kids were like 😳

• what the fuck

• Anyway

• He see's you have potential

• And though he's not the best teacher, you seem to respond better to the way HE was taught

• So tbh its easier to teach you

• 'okay, now I want you to beat the shot out if that wall,'

'Okay lmao bet'

• Midoriya is like, hey mayhaps we should analyze the situation

• N ur like noe

• You just don't give a fuck

• about anything really

• other than moving up the ranks

• But even then- its not a super super big deal, you're just gonna do your best but you aren't gonna stress

• However he noticed a pattern w you (even before Midoryia brought it up to him)

• You don't let anyone in

• Midoryia knows a bit more than the other students but that's really only because he's always with you

• a good majority of the week he's w you

• but its not really a deep connection

• you don't rely on either of them

• You do your best to do things on your own.

• He knows midoryias life story

• he knows why he acts the way he does

• but he doesn't know why you do

• he has a gut feeling it could be the same as midoryia

• I mean he already had one kid who's dad dipped

• he'll surely be able to figure out you too??

• So he makes himself a promise that he'll figure it out and he'll become someone you trust

• And he does just that

• When you tell him about your nightmare of a family history he's like mm, makes sense

• but he's happy that you trust him!!!

• He's a BIG suckered for movie nights

• he's got popcorn, snacks, candy, chocolate, soda- he's prepared

• list of movies lined out all ready

• I lowkey feel like he'd be into lord of the rings or fast n furious

• fast n furious at LEAST

• He's really into American action movies

• and he has no problem sharing those movies with you

• he doesn't have a whole ton of money, like he's not rich, but if you or midoryia need something he's definitely there to get it for you

• even if ur like fam no you don't need too

• he'll buy yell food a lot

• a l o t

• and cards

• when you and midoryia get him a father's day card he thinks he's gonna cry

• You guys also have a group chat

• 'da faemilee'

• Y: "Hey dad do you have milk?"

A: "???? Do I have milk????"

Y: "ya I'm looking in your fridge n ion see any???"

A: "How'd you even get in????"

Y: "Izuku."

I: "lmaoo"

Or

Y: Izuku you dumb bitch I left for ONE day

Y: And you got into a fight with Bakugou

I: He wanted to throw hands. I just did what you would do.

A: He's got you there

Or

A: What do you guys want for dinner

I: Sushi

Y: Chicfila

Y: Izu square up

I: K

Or

Y: Izu is fighting kacchow again

A: Beat his ass young midoriya

Y: Lmaoooooo

[gamergirl929]

Maybe We Shouldn’t Get Married (Carli Lloyd x Reader)

Anonymous Request:  reader n carli have been engaged for awhile and it’s a few months before their wedding. carli neglects her relationship w/ r (like missing dates and having r fall asleep by herself) bc she continues to train so she can squash the talk of her retirement. This lasts for about a month until r finally says something about it, leading into a major argument where she gives her back the ring bc she doesn’t want to be in a loveless marriage. 

You can feel tears welling up in your eyes as you twist the engagement ring on your finger, pulled out of your trance by someone clearing their throat.

“Would you like to order miss?” The waiter asks and you shake your head.

“It looks like my date isn’t showing up, I’ll just uhhh, pay for my drinks.”

The man nods, giving you a small remorseful smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” He smiles, leaving before you can deny his offer, leaving you with no choice but to accept.

You sigh sadly, grabbing your purse before you slowly make your way out of the restaurant, deciding against getting an Uber, instead walking to the house.

She’d promised.

She’d promised she promised she’d be there, and yet again she wasn’t.

Your heart ached in your chest, a pit forming in your stomach.

This had been going on for a number of months, Carli missing a date here and there, staying out late at the gym training to quell any and ALL rumors that she was retiring, but in that mission, she had been neglecting your relationship.

You had yet to voice your complaints, but you knew you had to, it was the aftermath of that conversation you were worried about.

                                                          ***

Tears in your eyes and an ache in your chest when your eyes flutter open the next morning, the sun peeking through the blinds.

Your hand rests on the empty side of the bed.

Cold.

She must’ve gotten up pretty early for the bed to feel so cold, if she even came to bed at all.

You close your eyes, attempting to swallow the lump in your throat.

You were watching your relationship crumble before your very eyes, helpless to the fact that a rift had started to form between the two of you, a rift that Carli had created.

You turn your head, your eyes falling to the engagement ring on the night stand beside you.

Were you REALLY ready to get married to someone who would so willingly neglect your relationship?

Were you REALLY ready to marry Carli Lloyd?

Was she REALLY ready to marry YOU?

Your mind was racing, racing with thoughts you would rather not entertain, but still, they were creeping in.

As per usual, when those thoughts creep in, you grab your phone, calling the first person who comes to mind, Julie Ertz.

                                                          ***

After your conversation with Julie, you know now, more than ever that you can’t keep your feelings inside anymore.

You HAD to talk to Carli, no matter the outcome, you couldn’t keep hiding in secret, you had to tell her how you felt, no matter what.

That ‘what’ brought you a sense of ire, it wasn’t YOUR fault that things had come to this, YOU weren’t the one who tore a rift between the two of you, YOU weren’t the one who neglected your relationship for work, YOU weren’t the one who let rumors of retirement get to you.

You take a deep breath, trying to get a level head, trying to keep your emotions in check, but you couldn’t do it any longer, you couldn’t act like nothing was wrong.

Carli had to come home eventually.

That was when you would confront her.

That was when you would tell her you couldn’t take her neglecting your relationship anymore.

                                                          ***

The second the front door opened you were on your feet, crossing your arms across your chest.

Carli sends you a soft smile.

“Hey.” She smiles, making her way towards you, reaching for you, the woman’s brows furrowing when you take a step back.

“What’s-

You scoff.

Screw keeping a level head.

“Are you really about to ask what’s wrong?” You ask, the veteran forward’s eyes widening.

“I-

You shake your head, your eyes welling with tears.

“You really haven’t noticed?” You whisper in disbelief.

“Y/N-

You take another step back.

“You can’t even call me to cancel dates anymore, I’m tired of waiters looking at me in pity. Fuck, you don’t even come to bed anymore!” You cry, Carli’s mouth agape, her brown orbs narrowing.

“Y/N, you know I have to make the roster, I can’t let people think I’m retiring-

You let out a humorless laugh.

“THAT’S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT!” You scream loudly, Carli taken aback by your outburst.

“Y/N you know how important this is to me...” She frowns.

You look at her in shock, shaking your head.

“When did work become more important than us?” You whisper, Carli’s gaze falling to the floor.

You swallow hard.

“Would you even notice if I was gone?” You ask, Carli advancing on you quickly, cupping your cheeks.

“Of course, I would-

You jerk out of her hold, the woman’s eyes filling with tears as you look down at your ring, spinning it on your finger before you pull it off, handing it to the woman who stares at you in shock, her complete and utter heart break reflected in her brown orbs.

“Y/N, please don’t do this.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t get married...” You shake your head. “I can’t marry someone who puts their work before me... I can’t be in a loveless marriage.”

Carli is stock still as you pack a bag, the woman staring at the ring in the palm of her hand.

You finish packing, rushing past the woman who’s still staring at the ring in her hand, tears streaming down her cheeks.

You stop at the front door, glancing at your fiancé, or was it, ex-fiancé, over your shoulder.

“I think you need time to figure out what’s more important in your life... I can’t be your second choice.”

Carli can only watch as the front door slams shut, the woman’s mouth agape.

She’s pulled from her shock moments later she’s sprinting towards the front door, jerking it open just in time to see you pulling out of the driveway, your car rolling down the street, your tail lights growing smaller and smaller until they’re eventually out of sight.

Carli drops to her knees.

“What have I done?”

                                                          ***

The second your knuckles make contact with the door, it’s jerked open, Julie Ertz practically throwing herself at you, her arms wrapping around your neck as you bury your face in her chest, a sob pushing its way passed your parted lips.

“Shhhh.” Julie shushes, a gentle hand running down your back. “It’s going to be alright; I’ve got you.”

“I think it’s over JJ, I think we’re done I ju-

“Come on, you need rest sweetie, we’ll talk about this in the morning, okay?” She whispers in your ear.

You’re not sure HOW you end up in the guest bedroom, but you do, Julie at your side until you eventually fall asleep.

The blonde smiles sadly down at your sleeping form, the woman pulling the covers up over you before she moves to her feet.

Just as she’s about to shut the door behind her, Zach makes his way down the hallway.

“Plus one at breakfast tomorrow?” He asks, Julie pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, nodding.

“Maybe for longer than just tomorrow.”

He smiles.

“Well, good thing I always make too many pancakes.”

                                                          ***

Carli sits on the practice field’s bleachers, her brown orbs locked on the ring in the middle of her palm, a ring she had yet to let go of. 

“What happened between you and Y/N?!”

Carli jumps, turning abruptly towards the source of the voice, her eyes widening.

“What are you guys doing here?”

Megan crosses her arms across her chest, the woman glancing at Ashlyn, the blonde turning to Ali, who turns to Alex, Alex turning to Crystal who turns to the last member of their group, Sam, at least that’s what Carli thinks, because soon after the thought leaves her mind Allie, Adrianna, and Morgan join the group.

“You know why we’re here.” The aforementioned woman says as she crosses her arms across her chest.

Carli swallows hard, knowing full well by the look on each and every one of their faces that she’s about to get a verbal thrashing.

“Julie called.” Crystal’s eyes narrow, Carli heart clenching in her chest at the thought of you showing up to Julie Ertz’s home with your bags.

“I-

“Don’t talk, just listen.” Adrianna says, rather sternly, turning to Megan.

“What the hell are you thinking!?” The purple haired woman yells, the veteran forward swallowing hard as she clenches her fist around your engagement ring.

“I-

“Just listen.” Morgan puts an index finger to her own lips.

Carli nods, her lips forming at tight line.

“Y/N loves you Lloyd, and you’re screwing it up.” Allie huffs, the forward’s eyes downcast, staring at her cleats, cleats that had been almost glued to her feet for the entirety of the off season.

“We KNOW how sensitive the topic of retirement is for you, but you’re letting it ruin your relationship, if you even have that anymore.” Ashlyn shakes her head.

Carli’s head jerks up, her brown orbs filling with tears at the thought of losing you.

Ali place a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“You need to put her first.” She smiles softly.

“We ALL know how stressful the world of women’s soccer can be, but you can’t let that world ruin what you and Y/N have.”

Carli nods, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat, the prospect of losing you making her feel sick.

“Yeah, so get your head out of your ass Lloyd.” Ashlyn huffs, everyone turning to her with narrowed eyes.

Megan snorts.

“Hey, she’s right, go get her Lloyd, unless your career is more important than her.”

Carli’s bottom lip trembles.

“I can’t lose her.”

Alex makes her way towards her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Marriage isn’t easy...” Alex starts, Ashlyn wrapping an arm around Carli while Ali cups her cheeks, making the woman look her in the eye.

“But it’s worth fighting for.”

            ��                                             ***

Julie and Zach Ertz had been NOTHING but welcoming.

Zach was of course, a gigantic teddy bear, the man doing any and everything he could to make you smile, something you would be FOREVER grateful for.

Julie of course was exactly the same, it was seeing their dynamic that made you completely understand what the term ‘the perfect couple,’ meant.

The two complemented one another in a way you couldn’t imagine unless you saw it in person.

The sound of a ringing doorbell pulls you out of your trance, Julie and Zach sharing a glance, the man smiling.

“Must be the pizzaaaaa!” He sings, doing a silly dance as he makes his way to the front door.

You shake your head as Julie giggles.

“I like him, he’s a keeper.” You snort and Julie grins.

“I like him too.” She winks.

Zach comes back, moments later, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Well, it wasn’t pizza...”

Your eyes widen when Carli Lloyd steps into view, the woman’s brown orbs locking on you.

You swallow hard, averting your gaze.

“We were just..” Julie starts and Zach nods.

“Ye-Yeah, over there.”

Suddenly you’re alone in the Ertz’s kitchen with Carli Lloyd, the woman approaching you nervously.

“Y/N...” She starts, swallowing hard as the two of you come face to face for the first time in over a week.

You long to take her hand, but still, the ache of apprehension keeps you from doing so, the thought of long and lonely nights in bed, the ache in your heart when she didn’t show up for a date.

Carli clears her throat, stilling.

“There’s nothing I can ever say to make up for what I’ve done...” She swallows hard, her gaze dropping to the tiled floor beneath her feet.

You’re not used to seeing Carli Lloyd so vulnerable, not used to seeing this side of her, seeing her so emotionally bare.

Carli shakes her head, your eyes widening when you see a tear rolling down her cheek, followed by another, and another, soon they’re cascading down her face.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I never meant to put soccer before you, because nothing could ever compare to you, nothing could ever be as important as you are to me.” She sniffles.

“I let the rumors get the best of me and I wanted to any and everything I can do silence the doubters, but all I did was break the heart of the woman I love.”

Carli makes her way towards you, cupping your cheeks, your hands moving to cover hers.

You open your mouth to speak, but Carli simply shakes her head.

“No Y/N, you deserve more than that.”

Carli’s eyes slam shut, the woman further shaking her head.

“I just got so caught up in the rumors that I forgot what mattered most, you matter the most to me, YOU.” She leans in, her forehead resting against yours.

“I would give up everything for you.” She whispers. “Even soccer.”

You cup her cheeks.

“I would NEVER ask you to give up something you love.”

Carli chuckles humorlessly.

“I almost lost the most important person in my life, the person I love more than anything in the world... I won’t let ANYTHING get in the way of that. Of us...” Carli swallows hard.

“If you’ll still have me.”

Carli pulls back, lowering herself to the floor, getting down on one knee, your engagement ring between her thumb and index finger.

                                                          ***

The crowd cheers as you hide your face in Carli’s neck.

“And that’s how Carli REPROPOSED in my kitchen...” Julie says into the mic, your teammates cheering along with the rest of your wedding party.

“OUR KITCHEN.” Zach yells from the crowd and you snort.

“Fine, our kitchen.” Julie huffs.

You turn to your wife, the woman turning towards you with a grin as she leans in, your lips meeting in a tender, loving kiss.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Carli.”

[swaps55]

Winter Asks Caught in a Snowstorm because Sam and weather.

The snow is festive, at least.

Too often there isn’t much snow in December, especially in Vancouver, and all the holiday decorations just end up looking drab and…damp under the grey winter skies. Not so today. The flakes of snow outside are coming down even thicker than they had been back in the mountains of the BC Interior. Snow this hard isn’t that uncommon out at the orchard, but Vancouver usually doesn’t see it.

Outside the train station, wreaths hanging on the lampposts wear a fresh blanket of white. Too early in the day for various holiday lights to be on, but Kaidan vividly remembers the massive display the city puts on down by the bay every year. Adding snow to the mix will make it nothing short of magic. Been a long time since he’s been on Earth for Christmas, and this year will be Shepard’s first experience with Christmas period.

It’s…not going well.

Outside may look like a pleasant winter wonderland, but inside the train station the collective mood of the thickening crowd waiting for loved ones gets farther and farther from goodwill to all, despite the plethora of Santa hats and garish holiday sweaters.

Shepard in particular has the look in his eyes that usually precedes solving a problem with a shotgun, which contrasts rather spectacularly with the evergreen sweater and gold jingle bell on a bright red cord Kaidan strung around his neck. The farther away they get from wearing combat armor, the more fascinating it is to see the soldier emerge.

If Kaidan had any idea how stressful the prospect of celebrating a holiday was going to become, he wouldn’t have pushed for it. For the past two weeks Shepard has approached Christmas like he’s coordinating a full-scale assault on an enemy stronghold. Like it’s something he has to win. The poor tree they’d decorated in the living room practically salutes every time he walks through the door.

Kaidan hasn’t dared introduce the ugly sweater concept. The levels Sam could take it to don’t bear thinking about, so he’ll leave that one for his mother.

If she ever gets here.  

Shepard paces the train platform, bell jangling with each step, occasionally glaring up at the arrival screen, where the 13:00 train from Kamloops still shows Delayed in red letters.

Kaidan eyes him cautiously. Despite the temptation to say ‘I told you so,’ a peace-on-Earth approach is probably the better choice right now. If Shepard were particularly open to peaceful negotiation.

“Fucking weather,” Shepard mutters under his breath, peering out a window with a scowl. “I hate planets.”

He’s not open to peaceful negotiation.

They’d spent four hours in a skycar to get here, in spite of all of Kaidan’s arguments for why it was a bad idea. Shepard hasn’t learned yet that when Kaidan’s mother makes a plan, you don’t alter the plan. And the plan had been she would take the high-speed rail from Toronto to Vancouver and find her own way to the orchard. It was her plan. Sam’s idea to surprise her at the station was doomed to failure, no matter how noble his intentions.

Of course, the fact he wanted to do it so badly is more than Kaidan’s heart can stand, but that doesn’t change the laws of the universe. Or his mother.  

“You can’t surprise my mother,” Kaidan tried to tell him. “It doesn’t work. Trust me.”

“It’ll work,” Sam insisted, back when he was naïve and optimistic.

Shepard, so accustomed to the galaxy getting out of his way whenever he it wanted to, doesn’t understand the opposing force that is Lora Alenko. Or blizzards.

“I flew a Mako through a mass relay and we really can’t figure out how to keep the trains running in snow?” Shepard demands.

“Apparently,” Kaidan says, suppressing a sigh. The sigh would not help matters.

The red lights on the arrival sign flicker, then change. Sam straightens, hopeful, until the word Cancelled appears.

“Son of a bitch,” he swears, throwing an arm in the air. “Fuck this holiday bullshit.” A few people look in his direction, including a kid wearing a red and green knit cap who can’t be more than ten. He grips his mother’s hand, eyes widening with recognition.

Chagrin creeps over Shepard’s face. He clears his throat and offers the kid a salute, before dragging Kaidan further away from the crowd.

“First,” he says, before Kaidan can open his mouth. “Don’t say it. Second, now what do we do?”

“We go home,” Kaidan says gently. “She’ll get here when she gets here. It’s fine.”

“No it isn’t.” Shepard runs a hand over his scalp and continues pacing. More people start looking their way, so Kaidan takes him by the hand and leads him outside, where the snow continues falling even thicker than before. At this point, just getting themselves home is going to be interesting.

Sam continues muttering under his breath as they walk, jingle bell tinkling merrily. Kaidan puts a hand on his arm, tightening until he stops.

“Hey,” Kaidan says.

Shepard turns his glare skyward, as though he has half a mind to out-temper the storm. Wouldn’t be the first time. He’d ground Noveria’s snow right under his heel. Of course, that time he’d had an armored tank with an eezo core. Surely he can’t do the same with a skycar.

…surely.

“This was supposed to go right,” Sam says in defeat.

Kaidan brushes away the snow collecting on Shepard’s shoulder, hiding a smile at the sight of flakes melting on his head. He’d spent so much time joking about making them both wear Santa hats he hadn’t thought to grab real hats.

“First lesson about holidays,” Kaidan says with a chuckle. “Nothing ever goes according to plan. Kind of like you.”

Sam exhales, warm breath dissipating into steam. He runs a gloved finger down Kaidan’s cheek, channeling some of his intensity into one of those looks that never fails to make him weak at the knees.

“Sam,” Kaidan says, meeting his gaze. “Talk to me. What’s going on? You’ve been a man on a mission for weeks. It’s supposed to be something you – something we – enjoy.”

His expression twists in a way that makes Kaidan’s heart ache. “You’re…my family. Your mom…is now my family. Holidays are important to you.” He hesitates. “And I kind of wanted it to be important to me.”

Kaidan gazes at him, too many thoughts swirling in his head to give voice to any of them. So he leans in and kisses him, softly at first, then more insistently as Sam wraps an arm around his neck and pulls him flush. For the thousandth time, Kaidan wonders how two people fit so perfectly together.

When Kaidan finally pulls away Sam sighs, blinking away flakes of snow.

“Then let’s go home,” Kaidan says. “And I promise, when she gets here? We’ll make it important to all of us.”

Kaidan takes his hand as they walk back towards the skycar. Just for the hell of it, he sticks his tongue out to catch a snowflake, persisting until Sam laughs and tugs him close.

It’s late by the time they make it back to the orchard. The strings of Christmas lights Sam had hung meticulously over the front bushes twinkle merrily, but to their surprise the house itself blazes with light.

Sam’s hand reaches for a sidearm he no longer carries, suspicion in his eyes. “Did you leave the lights on?”

“Nope,” Kaidan says, hiding a smile as he gets out of the skycar.

“Then what the—”

Kaidan chuckles. “You are not the only person who can bully the universe, Sam.”

When they walk in the house Kaidan’s mother sits on the couch with a glass of wine, feet up and adorned with a pair of candy cane slippers, fire roaring merrily in the fireplace. When she gets to her feet, she wears a knit red sweater emblazoned with a green Christmas tree that lights up with omnitool powered lights.

“There you are!” she exclaims as they stamp snow off their boots. “Where the hell have you been?”

Kaidan grins and crosses the room to sweep her up in a hug.

“We…went to get you,” Sam says, giving her a baffled look. “How did you get here? Your train was cancelled.”

“Aunt Li had some last-minute things she needed to take care of, and I saw the weather, so I took an earlier train.”

“I told you,” Kaidan says. “You can’t surprise her.”  

“You tried to surprise me?” she asks, genuinely touched.

Kaidan steps aside and she opens her arms expectantly, waggling her fingers until Sam steps sheepishly into them. She leans in and murmurs in his ear, “Good luck with that.”

Sam narrows his eyes, but holds her tight. “Challenge accepted.”

Oh boy. This is not what Kaidan had in mind when he vowed to make new Christmas traditions.

“I missed my boys,” she says, taking Sam’s cheeks in both hands. “And I wasn’t going to miss our first Christmas.”

Sam nods, speechless for once when she lets him go.

“Sam went all out,” Kaidan says with a smile. “You should see the meal he’s got planned for tomorrow.”  

She raises an eyebrow.

“Catered,” Sam says swiftly.

She grins. “I can’t wait.”

She goes into the kitchen to dig up two more wine glasses. When she returns, she hands one to each of them and grabs the bottle she’d already opened to fill them.

She picks up her own glass and raises it. “To our new family.”

Sam and Kaidan echo the toast, though Sam’s voice wavers.

They drink. Sam shuffles his feet. Kaidan knows the look on his face. The soldier’s been put away again, but the part of him who believes he has to earn his place – even with his own family – still hasn’t been laid to rest yet.

Kaidan’s working on that.    

“So,” Sam says slowly. “I’m, um. Not sure what happens now. I’m not…good at this.”

Kaidan’s mother loops Sam’s arm around her shoulder and walks him over to the couch, where a pile of blankets wait. “Now we cuddle up in front of the fire and get warm, because it’s freezing outside and someone I know hates being cold.”

A smile creeps across Sam’s face. “It’s not so bad. When you’ve got the right company.”

Outside, the snow keeps falling. Inside, the fire flickers and pops.    

“So is this what it’s like?” Sam murmurs, tugging a blanket across the three of them as they settle on the couch and finding Kaidan’s hand underneath it. As soon as he’s situated, Kaidan’s mother drops a Santa hat on his head.

“Yeah,” Kaidan says, kissing his temple. “This is what it’s like.”

[arewelonely]

hiya laurel!! i would love to make a request if you're up for it? how about some jily but this time lily sneaks in to visit james at his house? i'll leave the rest up to you xx

helloo! i couldn’t have lily sneaking into james’ house with them fully together, bc i like the idea of the potters just being so welcoming she can come in through the front door :) so, instead, we’ve got the following:

jily summer after fifth year, Lily appears in James’ room one dusty afternoon

---

“Oi, Potter, I should’ve known your room would look like a five year old’s.”

She thought this was a pretty good opener, and she had planned it, sitting on his bed after having pulled a few of his books off of the shelves and thumbing through them–biographies of famous Quidditch players, some children’s books that were so clearly wizard Lily couldn’t help but smirk as picked them up (The Tales of Beedle the Bard, seriously?).

She got to watch as James’ mouth opened and shut a few times, the door still halfway opened and his hand still on the knob.

“I mean, Quidditch posters, children’s books, mess everywhere, all we’re missing are some stuffed animals, huh?”

James seemed to come back to himself and he nudged his glasses up on the bridge of his nose (Lily rolled her eyes) and stepped fully into the room, shutting the door behind him. “Evans, what in Merlin’s name are you doing here?”

Lily leaned back on the bed (his bed) and spread out her fingers. “Ooh, the blankets are comfy. Any stuffies hiding underneath?”

“Evans, what?” Potter seemed unsure of whether he should step forward and stop her from lifting up the covers–

“Ah, yes! A... hm,” Lily held up the dragon and pretended to think, thrilling herself at the look of utter confusion on James’ face, “a Norwegian Ridgeback?”

James crossed his arms and rolled his eyes upwards, staring at the ceiling. His cheeks tinged a slight pink. Lily held back her smirk. She knew what was coming.

“No, it’s a Hungarian Horntail. Norwegian Ridgebacks are more brown colored, less shiny black, here, see–” He made as if to move forward and take the dragon from her and then shook his head and stood back again. “No, Evans, what? How did you get in here?”

“You’ve got a window,” Lily pointed. “And a tree outside.”

“You flew here?” James’ eyebrows skyrocketed.

“No,” Lily rolled her eyes. “There are other ways of getting around, you know.”

James frowned.

“I took the train.”

“Oh.” His face flashed with some emotion that Lily couldn’t read (she wasn’t acutely familiar with any of his emotions other than irritation, smugness, or puppy-dog love, and this was none of those). James then swallowed, staring again at her lounging on his bed. “You’ve been reading?”

“Yeah. Gotta learn all I can about our friend Beedle, huh?”

James bit his lip and smiled around it. “You’ve never heard of Beedle the Bard.”

“I’m not a posh prick, huh?” Lily was aware her comeback didn’t have the usual bite it might have earlier this year, or in years past, but, of course, she hadn’t come to James Potter’s room to truly fight...

“Nah, you’re just a nerd. Surprised you haven’t heard of it.” James moved to sit on his bed with her (a massive bed, it was, so they could both sit with maybe a foot between them–oh, no, James was shifting closer now) and took the book out of Lily’s hands. “Hm.”

Lily watched as he flipped through the pages, eyes serious and scanning each page. It was a beautiful book, she couldn’t deny it... wizard kids were spoiled with books that glimmered and moved to illustrate the fairytales, instead of just stoic Muggle ones.

“Here, this is my favorite.”

Lily coughed as she tried to restrain a laugh, and her eyes narrowed when James’ eager ones met hers. “Excuse me.”

“What, Evans?”

“Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump? No wonder you turned out the way you did, that’s the stupidest title–”

“No, Evans, it is a work of art.” James turned on his back, holding the book above his head, “A long time ago, in a far-off land–”

“Potter.”

“There lived a foolish–” he turned to shoot her a glance at this word, “–king who decided–”

“Oi, Potter.”

He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, “that he alone should have the power of magic.”

Lily reached forward to grab the book from him and, when his grip was too tight, snatched his glasses from his face.

“Hey, Evans, now that’s just malicious.”

She held the glasses over her head and resisted the urge to place them on her own face, leaning back and keeping the glasses up high when James shut the book and scrambled to reach up for them.

“Pot calling the kettle.”

James seemed to pull back at this, first the expression on his face and then his body, so Lily was left waving his glasses over her head with him sitting in front of her. The look on his face... he was just about to open his mouth and Lily wasn’t sure what was going to come out of it so she quickly scooted off his bed, folding the glasses to hang from the center of her shirt collar, and tiptoed around the t-shirts and, oh, yes, that was underwear, that littered the floor. She headed to the desk.

“What laws are you about to break, here?”

“Ehm, only a few.”

His desk was scattered with paper and markings, diagrams of... a car? Lily raised her eyebrows at James, shooting him a glance over her shoulder, then moved to examine the scratchings more clearly. James’ glasses swung forward from her shirt. “A motorbike, really?”

“It was Sirius’ idea, but yeah, we’ve been working on it.”

Oh, right. Sirius was here. Hm. She had somehow forgotten about that.

Lily snorted and picked up one of the pieces of parchment.

“What?”

His glasses were warm against her skin.

She turned and leaned against the desk, confirming her findings before retorting back, a smug smile working its way around her mouth, “this is wrong.”

“What?” James’ eyebrows were up so high on his forehead again, and he stepped forward. “Evans, you can’t just come barging into my room and just–I mean, why are you even here, you never–”

Yes. Yes. His cheeks were turning red, she held back her smile.

“I mean, Potter, these spells are gonna cancel each other out.” Lily pointed to the enchantments listed out by the wheels.

Gloriously, James shut up. Ungloriously, he grabbed the glasses from her shirt (she had to consciously keep her breathing steady... his hands were so close, too close to her... er). He leaned forward to stare at the page in her hands.

Lily watched as his throat worked around a swallow, his eyes darting back and forth between what must have been Sirius’ scratchings (there was no way James wrote so neatly) and the model they were scribbling on top of.

She cleared her throat. “This one’s gonna overpower any Disillusionment charm you try to add, you’re gonna need something–”

“Stronger, okay,” James snatched the paper from her and stared at it again. Prat.

“No, I was gonna say something Muggle.”

James looked up at her.

“If you make the motorbike faster using Muggle methods, gears and whatnot, you can add the Disillusionment charms without it interacting with any speed charms you’ve got.”

James stared at her, his mouth parted.

“What? I’m right.”

He bit his lip.

Lily stared at him, her heart racing. She was right.

“Where would I get something like that?”

Lily ran a hand through her hair, letting it fall forward and cover a bit of her face. “Any Muggle hardware store should have you covered.”

James was still looking at her.

“Look it up. A phonebook, or–or wait, no, you lot don’t have phonebooks, do you?”

James ran his hand through his hair.

“Go to a library or–”

“What are you doing here?”

“What’s your dragon’s name?” Lily walked towards his bed and picked up the dragon. Squishy, more shiny black scales than dull brown, a few threads falling out of the seams, clearly well loved. “Ridgie?”

“No, it’s a Hungarian Horntail,” James looked exasperated and Lily swallowed her smile.

“Ah. So. Hungry? Ehm, horny?” Lily really was pleased with herself at these nicknames.

“No. And honestly, not the type of humor I’d expect from you, seems more like what the boys and I–”

Oh, shite, he might be right. Lily interrupted quickly. “What’s it’s name?”

“His.”

“Right. What’s his name?”

“Er. Bubbles.”

Lily frowned and let an incredulous look take over her face, staring at the dragon. “Bubbles?”

“Gimme.” James sighed and looked upwards, holding his hand out.

“What?”

“Evans, give it.” He didn’t wait any longer, just took it, and squeezed in the middle–

Oh. “Oh my.”

Apparently, when one squeezed this dragon, bubbles in the shape of shimmering fire and little star-like sparks came out of its mouth.

"And,” Lily said, feeling a bit distracted, honestly quite mesmerized at these beautiful bubbles, she couldn’t even find something snarky to say about wizard children, “you still sleep with... ahem, Bubbles?”

“Alright, Evans.” James tossed the dragon–er, he tossed Bubbles– back on to his bed. “What are you doing here?”

Lily racked her brain for another question but, Merlin, nothing was coming to her. She tried, she really did, “typical of wizards, huh, having flashy toys because you don’t have the imagination–”

“Why did you come to my house, why sneak into my room?”

James was walking closer and Lily felt her breath begin to tighten, his eyes on hers, his hair flopping back down to his face.

“–to come up with anything creative on your own, you need it–”

“Evans, why are you here?”

“–just handed to you, in a shiny gift-wrapped box–”

“Evans, what is going on?”

They were standing too close at this point. James’ eyes, through his glasses, appeared too piercing and too much as if they could see through her own. Lily’s chin quivered and her nose flared. If James moved a few centimeters the longest strands of his hair would brush her forehead.

Lily swallowed. She hadn’t thought this far, had just wanted the... ugh, the fucking banter, had just wanted the back and forth and, honestly, had wanted to know what the prat’s room was like... wanted to escape her own... escape her own room, her own house, the people in her house...

“Hey, Evans, are you okay?”

What would she even say, how much of her home life did she want the prick–or, agh, no, the boy standing tall in front of her– to know?

James’ arm twitched by their side, as if he was about to touch her, and Lily backed up abruptly, a few steps until oof, ouch, the back of her head banged into the wall. Her blinks came quickly as she rubbed her head and Lily broke their eye contact and instead stared at the window. Alright, it was time to go, hm?

"Hey, you don’t have to–”

James’ arm was reaching out towards her now, but he didn’t touch, just waited as she turned around, her jaw working out something to say, or restraining something, she honestly didn’t know which.

“I mean, you can stay if you–”

“No, I can’t.” Her voice came from the back of her throat. “I don’t belong here, with all the wizard things, in your private space, hm?” She pressed a smile to her face, her voice light.

James tilted his head and shot her a look, his eyes so dark. You are wrong, the look said.

Lily swallowed.

James cleared his throat, hand through the hair, broke eye contact for a second. “You know where I live, anytime–ehm, how?”

“Sirius.” The word came out scratchy, and she coughed. “He, er, had your address written in one of his books one time, we were paired up, I noticed it...” Lily shook her head at herself and moved towards the window again, hoisted herself up.

“Evans.”

She stopped, one leg out of the window, holding on to the frame.

“Anytime. I’m here.”

Her nose flared again.

“Alright, Evans?”

James seemed small in his room now that she was watching from the outside. The air felt different here, maybe just because Bubbles wasn’t spewing magical bubble vomit, but Lily felt so deeply that she was leaving this room.

“See you at school, Potter.”

Lily jumped down from the tree higher up than maybe she should have, but she enjoyed the sharp exhale as her feet touched the ground and her limbs bent harshly, then set off towards the edge of the Potter property. She had a bit of a walk back to the center of town to get to the train, then a train ride back to... yeah, back to her home.

A month and a half left until school. She could last that long.

[the-final-sif]

listen i would love to see more of the whole "katsuki's been kidnapped multiple times" bc it's one of my favorite headcanons i've seen for him. i love ppl adding layers to his character and his experiences and i wanna know what you have planned past everyone finding out

Okay, I’m gonna go off of the “they found out after Katsuki was kidnapped again and they only knew that it happened when he finally showed back up to school.” route.

Katsuki gets kinda weirded out by how everyone’s reacting so weirdly, he doesn’t understand why Aizawa is asking him so many questions or making a big deal out of it. Sure, he’s kinda guessed by now that it’s not normal after all, but that doesn’t explain any of this.

They’re in Recovery Girl’s office now, Aizawa has already been fussing at him and gotten a report on his injuries. Recovery Girl is out at the moment but she should be back soon. Katsuki has already tried to argue that he bandaged all his injuries up himself, but the glare he got from his teacher put a stop to that.

Now they’ve moved on to Aizawa questioning him on his previous kidnappings and his teacher just seems to be getting more and more stressed out. Katsuki doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong, but it’s freaking him out because he’s been rationalizing and dealing with all of this for so long. Finally, he snaps.

“Why do you care?” And he meant it as a sarcastic remark, but Aizawa can hear the tremor in his voice, can see the minute shake of his shoulders, how Katsuki won’t meet his eyes. 

“Kid, you got kidnapped. Of course I care about that, I’m your damn teacher and part of my goddamn job is keeping you safe.” He wants to say more, wants to say that Katsuki is a fucking child, and that on it’s own should be reason enough for him to care. That it’s not just a part of his job, he cares about Katuski himself. But Aizawa knows better then to say that. Maybe one day, but not today. Not when Katsuki’s already trembling and exhausted. Not when his pride couldn’t bare the insult of care, of being seen as the child he is.

“I mean, yeah, I guess I can kinda get you asking questions about the shit that went down this weekend, even though I had it under control, but what’s up with asking all these fucking questions about me being stupid when I was younger? None of it matters, I got out, I dealt with it, I learned from my shitty mistakes and I moved on. It doesn’t change anything. I’m fine.”

Sometimes, Aizawa wonders if Katsuki says these things because he genuinely believes them, or if he says them because if he doesn’t, if he didn’t dismiss the pain and shrug off the weight of his fears, then he might shatter under the burden of it all.

“Katsuki,” and that one word holds too much fucking emotion in it for Katsuki to take, he wants to curl into a ball and go to sleep, his heart is still to raw and his brain too messed up from having chains on his wrists and a muzzle forced into his mouth again. “Just because you aren’t dead or maimed doesn’t mean you’re fine. This stuff, it hurts. It leaves scars. I don’t know what the fuck was going on in your childhood that you were left to deal with that by yourself, but you aren’t alone in this anymore, okay?”

It’s been a long fucking weekend, and Katsuki is so tired that he can’t keep his walls up. Not quite. So he doesn’t argue, just ducks his head in a half nod as he tries to pretend there aren’t tears welling up in his eyes.

Aizawa can’t help himself then, he sighs, sitting down beside Katsuki on the bench and slinging an arm over the kid’s shoulders. It’s a gentle motion, a light squeeze, but Katsuki leans into it just a little bit and that’s enough.

Recovery Girl gets there soon after, and Katsuki protests healing at first, he doesn’t have much stamina left and there’s no way he can go back to class afterwards, but Aizawa tells him on no uncertain terms that he is not going back to class today, and so he relents.

That leaves Aizawa with a sleeping teenager who he doesn’t want to leave alone and 19 worried teenagers waiting for him back in his classroom.

In the end he sends Mic to tell them class is canceled today. None of them were going to be able to focus anyways, and they need some time to recover from the shock anyways.

All-Might finds out not too long after that, and his mind flies back to Katsuki on that night when he fought Izuku. He struck suddenly, by how it wasn’t the kidnapping itself that upset Katsuki. It wasn’t the villains that could’ve killed him, could’ve done all sorts of awful and terrible things to him. It was seeing someone else hurt trying to rescue him that upset Katsuki. That he was unable to understand.

Izuku put it together too. They both understand and can’t understand at the same time.

Katsuki wakes up, and he’s still freaked out by how much people care, but he accepts it with time.

Things settle down eventually, they go back to normal, but not really. Not quite. There’s a new normal now.

Katsuki isn’t left alone much anymore. Not unless he’s in his room and he’s kicked everyone else out of it for some peace and quiet. If he’s going out somewhere, it seems at least one of his classmates is following after him. Most often it’s some subset of the bakusquad. If he’s going home it’s almost always Izuku. He’s surprised by how often it’s people outside of that group though. All of his classmates have gone with him at least once. Even though he bitches about it, he doesn’t mind that much. 

There’s a new set of rules for students too, when you leave the dorms you give an estimated return time, and if you’re more then an hour late and you don’t text your homeroom teacher to let them know you’re okay, they start looking for you.

Katsuki was annoyed by the new rules until some gen ed kid with a rich family actually got their lives saved by it. It makes the whole system feel less targeted, so he settled down about it. 

Aizawa doesn’t follow the kid around, god no, he’s not going to invade a student’s privacy like that, but he makes it more of a point to know where Katsuki is. To know when he’s going home, or just going out.

It quickly becomes apparent and then suspicious to Aizawa that Katsuki never goes home. Even Shouto goes home sometimes, he has siblings he likes to visit apparently. Katsuki doesn’t.

When Aizawa had asked if Katsuki had ever talked about the fact he was kidnapped with his parents, the teenager had laughed. Then quickly shut his mouth when he saw Aizawa’s worried expression. What kind of parents don’t notice their own damn kid going missing? Aizawa had been wondering for months now.

Summer break is coming up, and most of the kids are supposed to go home. Katsuki is one of the few that isn’t excited for it.

After getting approval from Nezu, Aizawa approaches Katsuki two weeks before summer starts. He’s staying at the dorms over the summer, for safety reasons. Aizawa already got approval from his parents. They didn’t even question it. Didn’t seem to care much. Katsuki is wide eyed, but he doesn’t protest, not even his usual bluster. He just agrees, muttering that it’ll be nice to keep up on his training, and that’s that.

It can never be quite that easy though, and that very fucking weekend Katsuki was in such a good mood that he went out with a few of his classmates to the mall. All it took was him getting distracted by something in a shop window, he pauses for a moment to look at it, and then the assholes were on him. Something’s over his mouth, and he’s slipping into blackness.

He wakes up chained up with a headache, and he’s fucking tired, but he knows the drill.

It doesn’t take him long to pick the locks, doesn’t take him long to dispatch the guards and tie them up. Doesn’t take long for him to find the dumbass behind this whole thing and start a fight. Every bone in his body aches, but he keeps fighting.

The whole thing can’t have taken him more then two hours, so he’s fucking shocked when just as he takes a nasty blow to the shoulder, the front door of the place is broken down and there are people rushing in. He’s still kinda drugged out, so it’s surreal for him as suddenly Aizawa is there and has hands on his shoulders, and he’s being steered outside.

His classmates are there. Some of them anyways. Izuku isn’t. He’s apparently inside, having only just been hauled off the now unconscious villain.

It’s like he’s been teleported to a new world, and it’s confusing and strange, the idea that people noticed he was gone. That they cared enough to come get him, when they probably knew he could handle it on his own.

He must’ve said that last bit out loud, Aizawa’s grimacing now.

“Just because you can handle it on your own, doesn’t mean you should have to kid. You deserve some goddamn heroes in your life too. Now sit own here and let the paramedic look you over.”

Katsuki does, he answers the paramedics questions as best he can, and they take some blood and tell Aizawa something about sleeping it off.

Sleeping sounds awfully nice right now.

The adrenaline is fading, and some part of Katsuki screams that he needs to stay awake. That he needs to get himself home or they’ll catch him again. That this is do or die.

But that’s not right. Aizawa’s here. His classmates are here. Other people are here, and for some reason they’re helping him.

Even if Katsuki’s brain is still worried, his body knows it’s safe, that it doesn’t need to keep pushing and pushing anymore, and so he fades out. Trusting for once in his goddamn life that he doesn’t need to save himself. For once in his life, it’s okay to let someone else do that for him.

When he wakes up, he’s in the infirmary, and he can see his classmates scattered around the room, Aizawa in a chair to his side, Mic leaning on Aizawa’s shoulder and All-Might to their left. Everyone’s asleep. It’s like 3 am in the morning.

One deep breath in, one deep breath out. Katsuki lets himself relax on purpose this time, and as he falls back asleep he does it knowing for a damn fact that everything will be okay when he wakes up. He’s not alone anymore.

[tdotsspot]

2020.....

Wow, it’s been almost TWO years since I've posted anything on here. I’ve thought about it from time to time, but never sat to actually say anything. I just looked at my last two posts....so funny. This is why I'll probably always keep this....just to look back, see where I was, who I was.

But back to 2020 bc HONESTLY this year is the one to go. down. in the mother. fucking. books. 

2019 was literally the best year of my life. It was the year I did the most traveling, the year I made the most money...it was like, perfect until the end. I went to Puerto Rico and St Thomas....Atlanta, Boston of course, MARTHA’S VINEYARD FINALLY and even though I've been there 100 times, this was the absolute best. Of course having Dameo was a plus, getting to show him my childhood summers, but Unc let me use the Mercedes which I legit fell in love with, we met Danny Glover which was crazy, I got the brass ring on my first try lol, and we had a lot of good food. LA, was amazing, I miss it so much....NY.....I feel like I’m missing a city, oh yes, dc! That was a fun drunk night.

Late November for Britt’s bday we all went out and that was the first time I was ever real life drunk around his fam, but it was so much fun. The next week....nana passed. It was sad, weird....I hadn’t lost someone in a really long time, and I was there to see some of her last lucid moments. We definitely got closer over the last two years or so since I visited her a good amount, and it made me more sad than I thought. I’m glad I got to have those moments with her, it was cool to get a grandmother again. Made me miss nanny a lot though...

A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant! It was planned, we were excited although tbh I was kind of freaking out. A baby??? Like a whole ass human? No more weed, liquor, or runny eggs??? HOW SWAY! I don’t think I was ready yet, and a few weeks after that, RIGHT before Christmas, RIGHT before we were going to tell the family, I had a miscarriage. Goodness, I really wasn’t ready for that, at all. Obviously it’s common, but I never thought I’d have one....I was healthy, in a healthy relationship....happy....how the hell did this happen? Unfortunately we already told our moms at that time, partially to help cheer ang, and I knew my mom would be hype as well. I knew it was early, but I told some close friends as well. The pain I felt from that, I just didn't really expect. It was, really sad....I delayed our trip to Boston twice because I really just couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed and sit on a train for 6 hours. I almost canceled altogether but KNOWING NOW THAT THE FUCKING WORLD WAS GOING TO SHUT DOWN, I'm really glad we still went. It was reassuring to get my hugs from my mom, cry it out with her, and see the fam. Except Kendall was such a douche that visit *rolls eyes*. I did get to go see the friends pop up which LEGIT made my whole holiday. As such a huge fan, it was AMAZING, simply, amazing, and I got to enjoy it with my two older cousins and of course, the Dame. 

So that brings us to the new year of 2020. 2020 the year I think EVERYONE thought was going to be amazing, and maybe it will be. Maybe everything that’s going on albeit sad, overwhelming, insane....is in fact the year we all really needed. The Amazon was on fire, forever and as someone who truly cares about global warming that was super stressful. We almost had WWIII thanks to good old Trump, but boy oh boy....that was just the tip of the iceberg. A few weeks later AGAIN, I call my dr telling them I still haven’t gotten my period, my boobs hurt, and wtf is going on? She tells me to take another pregnancy test, which I thought was a joke because I JUST had a miscarriage weeks before, and yes we had sex, but we were ‘careful’. COME TO FIND OUT, my ass is pregnant again. I was, very confused...a little upset because I was planning on waiting a bit before trying for real again. I mean we just dealt with so much loss between nana and the miscarriage, I hadn’t even fully processed what my body just went through. I remember angrily buying the test because, those shits aren’t cheap.....peeing with the door open with Dame downstairs, (not at ALL romantic like the first time I told him) and looking down like....wait. “WHAT THE FUCK” about 3 times was said, I explained to dame this indeed does say I’m pregnant, but how?? 

30 minutes later, the world finds out Kobe Bryant died. There were a lot of emotions that day for sure. Even though I wasn’t a die hard Kobe fan or anything, for some reason this one really made me sad. Maybe because I was currently listening to a book his personal coach wrote; relentless....which is REALLY fucking good.

A week later, I'm confirmed via bloodwork that I am indeed pregnant and it’s time for take two! I didn't get excited until I passed my first trimester, just in case...but now at almost 26 weeks, I’m really excited to meet her. My babygirl! It’s still wild to know I’m about to be a mom, but I’m really pumped for both of us and I know we’ll make great parents. 

Ah yes, the mid march, covid 19 hits America. I was supposed to go on a three city tour to the west coast which I was very much looking forward to, before the world stopped. In fact, it was that very weekend, right after we had our ultrasound, the first and only visit Dame was allowed to come in, that everything stopped. A week or so later, a mid level of depression kicked in for me, which lasted about a month. I couldn’t believe that after WEEKS of puking and being dead ass tired, I was finally ready to work again, but I was Essentially unemployed. The west coast gig was a cute check, I had multiple events coming up that got canceled....weddings that got postponed, and all I could think about was I’m about to have a kid with no money. I went almost two entire months without making ANY money....luckily unemployment kicked in and I got a couple of grants I applied for because I really don’t know what I would’ve done. My mom of course was in my corner, and Dame would start working from home, but still fully employed so at least we wouldn’t be homeless. I knew there were hundreds of thousands of people in my boat, if not worse but I couldn’t help but be consumed with not making any money, and my 2020 year essentially being wiped out. 

Again, this was supposed to be MY year. Be a parent, make a lot of money, and I felt like I just fell flat on my face, in mud, and was suffocating. 

America’s approach to covid was trash, more and more people died...I was worried about my mom and aunts as they're older and more susceptible. This is the longest I've gone without seeing my mom, but thanks to technology! We literally FaceTime every day. 

I almost forgot! Red literally almost died. He got attacked by a pit that lives up the street and it was one of the scariest things I ever dealt with. We just came back from a cute little drive, it was absolutely beautiful out, and I just remember parking, letting him out for a walk, looking at a dog running but I couldn’t tell if it was on a leash or not. I then realized nope, this bitch is not on a leash, crossing the street, and watching it whip its head at me and red and sprinting across the street to attack him. I was absolutely terrified. My baby red, is literally getting mangled by a fucking pit by the neck. I’m also pregnant and scared the pit is going to attack me, that my stress is going to cause another miscarriage, and that I’m probably going to watch red die in front of my eyes. I completely blacked out on the woman who was sloppily running to get her dog off of him. Had it been a minute more, max, he would’ve been dead. I still picture it sometimes and it legit makes me so sad, but luckily he pulled through after about a week of healing, and a huge bloody abscess that needed to be drained. 

THEN about a month ago now, George Floyd was killed on tape by a cop and it changed the world. Between Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Abery dying and being cooped up for months in the house, major cities went up in flames, literally. It was a revolution that Is still happening which has caused corporate America to shove ‘black lives matter’ down our throats like black people just popped up, shown privileged ass white people who refuse to try and understand, racist fucks that just hate us so much....and the list goes on.

That’s been our year so far! and it about to get shut down again because because aren't taking covid seriously. 

Pregnancy has been really interesting though....not at all like what they show on tv and the movies. I’ve been emotional as hell crying over my body  changing....constipated af to the point where I now celebrate any time I shit, hella uncomfortable....but I know when we see her face it will indeed all be worth it. Doing this back to back though like Dame envisions....I don’t know man lol. We shall see. She's due in about 3.5 months. Check in before then....

Tdot, out. 

[lamphous]

doing both games from @tallsaint​ together to perpetuate this new crossbred tag meme

10 songs I’ve been listening to lately:

“the pretender” by jackson browne — I HAVE LISTENED TO THIS SONG 22 TIMES IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS, I DON’T KNOW WHY, I JUST CAN’T STOP

“people” from funny girl

“a self called nowhere” by they might be giants — swear to god, dudes, this song is about It like the book

“body of years” by mother mother

“jesus was a cross maker” by judee sill — “down where the valley are low” is another wonderful song by her, but I heard this one on a sufjan spotify playlists recently & hoo boy

“the dismemberment song” by blue kid

“lido shuffle” by boz scaggs — I will finally finish halt and catch fire this year if it kills me!!!

“I can’t help myself” by the gems — SONG OF THE CENTURY

I’ve also been listening to the muppet movie soundtrack nonstop since I got back home bc it’s the ultimate roadtrip music

“symphony for a spider planet” by mort garson

and a social distancing meme:

Are you staying home from work/school? yes 😔 and “home” home as well, back with my family in minnesota. I’ve commandeered the unused desk in the living room and stacked my two dozen books there and made a pseudo dc shine in a sad attempt at normality

If you’re staying home, who is with you? my parents and two younger siblings, three of whom are also working from home. hooray.

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate? honestly, my best friend, my roommate, or the girl I have feelings for, in order of increasing impossibility due to physical distance.

Are you a homebody? yes, and even I’m starting to feel it lol. I miss my museums. I miss the library. I miss sitting on benches and watching people go past.

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled? the new welcome to night vale live show! it’s been rescheduled to november, but I was really looking forward to it especially since I’m writing my thesis on architecture in modern horror and even just the premise of this new show promised much to talk about

What movies have you watched recently? this weekend I watched: - john mulaney & the sack lunch bunch (again, with my mom) - also kid gorgeous (again, with my mom) - the cabin in the woods (again) - midsommar - train to busan (again) - bachelor mother - steve jobs - self made: inspired by the life of madam cj walker and my parents & I are planning on doing double features of the docs they did documentary now parodies of + the episodes themselves

What shows are you watching? I just started westworld this morning! and I’m trying to finally finish halt and catch fire: I think about once a year I pick it up again with the intent to see it through, and I love it a lot! I just can never get to the end for some reason

What music are you listening to? the mountain goats, bruce springsteen, mother mother, the funny girl soundtrack inexplicably, pete seeger, candypants, tom rosenthal, the magnetic fields, bad bad hats

What are you reading? I’m currently in the middle of zigzagger by manuel munoz, the subtle knife by philip pullman, old futures: speculative fiction and queer possibility by alexis lothian, and the wrath of khan novelization for classes, plus the poetics of space by gaston bachelard and it again for my thesis next year and danny lavery’s new book something that may shock and discredit you for fun when I can

What are you doing for self-care? I’m working on, like, five separate scary clown movie fics simultaneously. there’s a very stupid 107+ page pair of 5+1s abt physical/emotional intimacy that I’ve been working on since mid-november, a stupid stan resurrection plot one about princess bride narrative mechanics and suicidal ideation, another stand-up special transcript, and a very VERY dumb au of company, y’know, the musical. this is my idea of self care.

I tag whoever wants! We Are All starved for human interaction & love talking about ourselves

[runfast-runfar]

Monday morning miles 🏃🏼‍♀️

5/27/19

✨ the house that I’m staying at to dog sit is right near near a bay trail that I used to run at quite often for long runs/marathon training and so I ran the 3 miles to the trail, then ran the trail for a little, thennn did the stairs for 5 repeats, then ran 2.5 miles to Starbucks.. got a soy chai tea latte and walked 1 mile home. It was a perfect morning tbh! Got in a little over 6 miles of flat road running, trail running, hills, and then stairs! Ugh. Felt so good! 🤗

✨ I’m making some changes this summer in regards to my workouts etc and I’m honestly really excited for it! I will always love climbing, but these past few months I’ve dreaded it. I don’t like going to the climbing gym, I don’t look forward to climbing as much anymore, so I’m going to change it up. I contemplated this for a while bc I knew if I stopped the climbing then I’d lose the progress I’ve made these past few years. But then I realized something.. I’ve lost a LOT of progress running compared to my distance running/marathon days a few years ago, and I’m so excited to build back up that endurance again and get back to where I was! I miss distance running and want to work at it again. One day maybe that will re-emerge with climbing. But it’s okay that I’m not there right now.

I’m going to go climbing for one last sesh tomorrow and then cancel my climbing gym membership. Then on Wednesday I’m going to join my school’s gym for super cheap since I’m a student and use that gym for weight training and cross training along with distance running! Honestly I’m excited and ready for this change in workout!

✨ anyways, currently watching rush hour with the little brother and finishing my coffee, at 1pm we’re going to pop back home to our own house to pick up clothes for tonight/tomorrow, pick up some food for dinner (pizzzzaaaa!! 😆) and come back here for one more night!

✨ I have plans to hang out with a new(ish) friend tomorrow and I’m branching out and making friends y’all lol

✨ I hope you’re all doing well and happy Memorial Day ♥️

[hclles-blog]

hey guys ! this has been sitting in drafts for at least a day now, but trust me when i say i’m as excited as i was when typing this fucking monster of an intro SDKFGJKFD but i’m jules, kard and clc supremacist and a struggling student about to apply to the english faculty of my uni ! like i said, this is a super long intro, so get settled as i introduce asteria’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, extensive plots and an extra list of options are linked accordingly !

jeon somin, cis female, she/her. — have you seen ( hyunmi “halle” chae ) around ( hecate ) ? they’re a ( twenty-two ) year old ( senior ) who’s majoring in ( kinesiology. ) i know they’re busy with ( dance club, women’s volleyball, and kappa delta sorority ), but you should tell them to check their latest starred rating ! ( jules, 21, she/her, gmt-3:30. )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities in canada, the us and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

but the latter wound up being a bust bc she opted for asteria u, close to some of the popular yet secluded skate clubs the greats went to during their off-season training.. and before tr*mp got elected bc she would’ve cancelled everything, demanded her money and scholarships back, had she arrived after that LSDFGJFKLD

should be noted that her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, so she deemed all of this inevitable sfkljfdgk

though the school didn’t and still doesn’t offer its own skate club so, that was a slight drawback for the invested bitch

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and was back on the ice in no time, joining one of those aforementioned skate clubs under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it; however the stars didn’t align back in 2017 during her sophomore year, when she just missed obtaining qualification while now on canada’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a couple of years since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off

studying kinesiology despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves being active and thinks she’d be a resource in the field down the line ok ??

anyways, she’s found new things to invest her time in, such as the sorority, dance club and volleyball

dance helps with the choreo for her routines.... or Did, but we all know she’s still doing Some amount of skating on the side so

and it helps in areas where muscle memory and years of flexibility can’t quite do so

volleyball’s a great second option for her as a sport, mostly bc she can exert as much of her frequent frustration as possible into a game and act like it’s just her being into it. though she really can be That competitive, as you can see, rather than bratty

so, moving onto other things —

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once or twice. the first time being when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane halle ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

she won’t hesitate to call you out on your shit or make it clear that she doesn’t like you, though, even if she appears cordial on the surface

as a result, hockey players HATE her !

bc she rips into them the most for frequently poor experiences with her fellow ice people. most of which are them hogging her reserved practice time, and being thirsty and pretentious dicks about it within and outside of the arena

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but..... girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

her view and reception on starred

she..... probably doesn’t do too hot tbh

well. maybe she Does if starred's social ladder resembled most high school/college shows, movies.... rps, but it doesn't really so —

in all fairness, she probably does do better than i'm assuming rn bc.. she Is a character of sorts, who knows gskfksl but MOVING ON !

her blunt and kinda snarky attitude is partially Why she hates this point system, bc people tend to kiss ass just so they aren’t given a low rating whereas she can only hold back about 5% of her unfiltered opinion — but that’s IT !

tbh she relies heavily on her involvement in extracurriculars, and especially her public image from her glory days, more so than she herself to keep her head above water

so she looks entitled from that alone

given the way i’ve played her in the past, ik she might come across as a hbic type: thinks she’s the best ( which.. she kinda does sjkfgd ), savours the power she tries to or does in fact exert, doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic or nice, etc

but she’s just a shit disturber with thick skin and a slight kink for receiving admiration and respect, puts herself first a little too much

in fact, she doesn’t really Care to hold people by a leash, but yeah, it can come across much differently since her tone never really Shifts if she doesn’t know you well, doesn’t trust you, knows you’re naive with such things, doesn’t like you, is just fucking around or in a sour mood.... the list goes on

so if your character focuses on who’s the nicest or most cheerful when giving high ratings, makes a v quick judgment on their character from a first impression, she’s gonna be near the bottom of their list dfsghkfgj

and like i said, she doesn’t care for the system Enough to change any of this, so she gets by

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there bc this is painfully long — congratulations if you’ve made it to the end of this intro from hell ! if anyone wants to plot, like this or im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

[fatbottombucky]

No Kissing In Front Of Me *Steve Harrington x Reader*

Requested by Anon: Steve Harrington x Reader where you’re Dustin’s older sister and Dustin has Steve over to babysit him bc Reader is supposed to be out on a date but she comes home like halfway through with like super ready eyes and tells them she found out he’s cheating on her because he stood her up to go with the other girl or something Pairings: Dustin Henderson x Sibling! Reader & Billy Hargrove x Reader (Mentioned briefly) & Steve Harrington x Reader Word Count:  A/N: I couldn’t be bothered to make up a name for the reader to possibly be on a date with. Billy is someone that comes across as a cheating, maybe not taking the relationship with reader seriously, type. - Rosalie

“Why are you even going out with that jackass?” Dustin asked, watching you through the vanity mirror reflection as you got ready for your date. You muttered a soft ‘language’ to your little brother who just scoffed. “You can date anyone, literally, ANYBODY! But you go out, willingly, with Billy Hargrove?”

You sighed gently as you finished with your make up. You had been going out on a few dates with the new guy, well he wasn’t new anymore, he and his sister had been here for a few months. You didn’t really get why Dustin and his party hated him, he was kind of an asshole but so was everyone else in this town. Dustin always said, ‘There are just things that I know that you don’t, I don’t trust him’. You liked he was looking out for you but you’re the older sibling, it should be the other way round.

“Why do you hate him so much? Enough with the bullshit, what happened to make you hate him?” Dustin shrugged, shoulders slumped and eyes cast to his hands as he toyed with your comforter on your bed. “I’m going on that date, Dustin. Whatever you think of him isn’t true, he’s been nothin’ but nice to me. He doesn’t pressure me for anythin’ and he’s really sweet too. Tell me what happened and I won’t go on that date, if you tell me what happened with Billy I’ll call him off.”

Before Dustin can even open his mouth the doorbell chimes, you raise your eyebrows but Dustin sighs. You both stand up, you’re dressed in a pale pink dress with a denim jacket thrown on. Dustin opens the door, revealing Steve Harrington, his babysitter for the night, plus a new founded best friend. It was cute, how both he and Steve had a brotherly bond. They looked out for one another, it made you smile to see Dustin finally have someone to look up to, admire and Steve was someone that you trusted to lead your brother in a good direction.

You smiled as Steve looked at you. “Wow, Y/N, you look… wow.” He compliments, at loss for words and it brings a slight blush upon your cheeks as you roll your eyes at him.

“Okay, I’ll see you both in a few hours. Don’t miss me too much,” You grin waving bye at both of them and walking out of the door.

*Steve’s P.O.V kinda*

Steve stared at the door as it closed softly, watching you leave to go on a date with Billy Hargrove always rubbed him the wrong way. Knowing that someone as kind, sweet and genuinely good was hanging around with the asshole Billy, made Steve feel sick to his stomach. His blood boiled at the thought of it, it left a funny after taste in Steve’s mouth whenever you talked about your dates with Billy.

“Steve!” Dustin’s voice pulled Steve from his mind and he looked at the shithead and shrugged his shoulders in response. “Jealousy back again?”

Steve rolled his eyes and sat down, Dustin had got into his pea-sized brain that Steve was jealous. Jealous that Billy got to date you and not him, which was ridiculous. Steve Harrington doesn’t get jealous, he doesn’t even know why he’d be jealous. It’s just you. Dustin’s older sister. Who was sweet, kind and beautiful, who had this thing where if she laughs too hard she hiccups?

“I’m not jealous of Billy Hargrove,” Steve states, turning the TV on and looking at the VHS movies that Dustin had picked to watch tonight. “What do I have to be jealous about?”

Dustin rolled his eyes, sitting down also. “Are you pretending to be dumb or are you actually this stupid all of the time?” That receives a stern glare from Harrington, “I know she’s my sister but I am told constantly that she’s beautiful, plus she has to be somewhat good looking because ” Dustin gestures to his smiling face and Steve tries not to chuckle at that. “It’s okay if you like-like her, better you than Billy.”

Steve puts in the movie and that leaves him to think over what Dustin has said. He glances at Dustin who is consumed by the movie, mouth slightly agape as he fully zoned in on the SyFy movie. Steve had grown accustomed to life with the kids, looking after the little shits was now just second nature to him. You were sort of a package deal, you didn’t know about any of the events with the upside down world but you managed to still be part of their lives. You were sort of an innocence that everyone loved, you knew something has happened but you preferred to not know.

It’s for the better that way. Steve liked that you weren’t carrying any of the weight, that you managed to still be a supportive person but in a way that was different for everyone. It was hard to keep that life away from you, it’s partly why he hates you are dating Billy. If you knew what had happened, you wouldn’t be dating him but he had made a promise. To the boys, to Eleven, to Hopper and Joyce to not tell.

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I dated Y/N?” Steve asked, eyes trained on the TV. “I know she’s dating Billy but if that didn’t work out-”

“Steve, you have my permission to date my sister. No kissing in front of me, that’s all I ask.” Steve smiles slightly and both go back to watching the movie, halfway in when the front door crashes open. “Son-of-a-bitch!” Dustin yells, turning his head to see his sister standing in the doorway, he holds his hand over his heart.

It takes both boys a few seconds to realise you’re crying. Eyes red, small sobs escaping your lips and you throw your purse to the floor and pull off your shoes, running past them towards your room ignoring their yells of your name. Steve looks at Dustin who is just as shocked as he is by your outburst.

“You don’t think Billy…” Dustin trails off, instantly Steve is to his feet and Dustin follows him down the short hall to your door where Steve knocks on the door. “Y/N, we’re coming in!” Dustin yells, knowing you never lock your door anyway.

Steve opens the door silently and both peak in. Your laying on your bed, hair a mess of curls and crying into a pillow. Dustin walks passed Steve, sitting down beside your head and petting your hair softly, trying to comfort you silently. Steve awkwardly sits down, placing a hand on the small of your back and rubbing comforting circles. They wait till your sobs had quieted down, listening to cry was one of the worst things Steve has endured. Yeah, he’s had to fight demogorgons but this was another level.

“Y/N, what happened?” Steve asked and you lifted your head, hair sticking your tear stained cheeks that are red and blotchy. You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, anger swept through them but also sadness. “Did Billy… do something… like-”

“No.” You shake your head, fresh tears welling in your eyes. “He turned up with another girl, with Stacy. He’s been seeing her behind my back, cause I wasn’t putting out.” Dustin's face flashed with anger. “I’m such a stupid shit head!” You groaned, accepting the hug from your little brother and Steve scoffed, causing both Henderson siblings to look at him.

Steve shakes his head. “Billy is the shithead. You deserve better than him, got it? A guy like that isn’t worth your tears, you’re too good for him. If he can’t keep it in his pants that’s his fault, not yours.” You raised your eyebrows at Steve, who crossed his arms and glared at the wall opposite him. “I should punch him in the face again for doing that to you.”

“Again?” You asked slightly amused that he had even punched Billy for the first time. Dustin looks wide-eyed at Steve who does the same, you sighed. “Need to know, right?” They nod and smiled slightly. “Thank you, both of you for being here. I think I’m going to call it a night.” They nod, Dustin gets up and leaves the room first but Steve hesitates, making you look at him slightly confused.

He shuffles slightly nervously. “Y/N… have a good sleep.” Steve sighs before leaving your room, kicking himself for not saying anything to you about his true feelings.

*

It had been almost a week since that godawful date with Billy. You tried to keep yourself occupied, extra schoolwork and hanging out with Nancy. The humiliation of that day was what hurt you the most, Billy had let you believe the date was still on, he didn’t cancel or say anything about what was happening with Stacy. He let you walk in, alone and see him with another girl like he planned it or something.

Walking down the street towards your house you hear arguing. Well, more of bickering between two people. You glance up to see Steve and Dustin in the driveway of your home, Dustin was meant to be at Mike’s studying and Steve, well he was meant to be off being Steve somewhere else- having a day off from being the kid's mom. You frown as you walk closer, Steve is holding roses and Dustin has his radio headset on, seemingly talking over it whilst simultaneously walking to Steve.

“What’s going on?” You asked walking closer, Dustin jumps slightly and turns to you with a nervous smile. “I thought you were going to Mike’s tonight?” You asked with a slight frown at his reaction.

It’s a solid minute before anyone speaks up. “I’m helping Steve… he’s got a date.” You nod slowly and glance at Steve, who is nervously stood holding the roses and smiling awkwardly. A pang of something shoots through your chest, whoever he was taking on a date was a lucky girl.

“Oh.” Is all you can manage, “Well, have fun and don’t take all of my brother's advice.” You try to chuckle and smile but it sounds forced, you go to walk around them and inside the house, to cry to your mother but you’re stopped by someone tugging on your wrist.

You frown up at Steve. “Y/N, I need to tell you something.” You nod and turn back towards Steve, waiting for whatever he needs to say, he stares at you for a moment. “Fuck it!”

Before you can process what is happening his lips are on yours, his hands holding your shoulders and the roses fall to the floor beside your feet. You instantly respond, melting into the kiss that’s unlike anything you’ve ever had. You feel Steve smile against your lips, wrapping his arms around your waist as yours rest against his neck.

“GROSS!” You pull apart and look at Dustin, who is horrified. “I said no kissing in front of me, that was the only rule. You asshole.” he picks up his bike, muttering curse words and names at Steve, “one fucking rule, can even follow that. I do everything to help this guy, this is how he repays me.”

Steve purses his lips and holds back the chuckle. “Thank you, shithead,” Steve calls, Dustin turns and flips him off before riding off down the street to Mikes. “It was worth breaking that one rule.” Steve shrugged at you, you chuckled lightly nudging him, he bends down and picks up the roses again. “Prepare to go on the best date of your life.” He challenges, pulling you by your hand towards his car.

“Is this the first time you’ve hung out with someone your own age in a while?” You smirk as Steve blinks at you, mock offence. “How will they survive without you?”

Steve rolled his eyes, opening your door before walking around to his side and starting the engine to the car. It’s silent as he begins to drive off towards your date destination, “I do need to stop in to make sure they all get home okay.” He mutters causing you to chuckle at him, he sighs and chuckles along with you.

(Decided to end it funny. Hopefully, whoever requested this likes it. I had fun writing it, I like the whole Dustin’s sister thing, I like writing the reader as one of the kids sibling. - Rosalie)

[x-lipstickstain-x]

hey so, i really enjoyed the imagine you wrote and i would like to request one as well, if you want to write it; ive been listening to the song lost in japan by shawn mendes and thought about andi (bc what else do i think about lately, nothing) maybe you can come up with something for that. i know this is really vague, sorry. (also i kinda hate the y/n thing, can you just pick a name, its less awkward to read) okay, thank you so much if you wanna give it a try 💜

It`s only been like 10 years since I got this request lmao. This has actually been done for quite a few days now, I`m just getting really bad at posting. So yeah this is kinda based on the song Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes.  Anyway, enjoy!

Andreas Wellinger Imagine ~ Lost in Japan

I couldn’t wait to see her in Sapporo. My best friend hadbeen working in Japan on her placement year for over six months now and Ihadn’t had an opportunity to see her since then. Ella and I have been friendssince we were kids. We grew up as neighbours and throughout all these years wemanaged to grow such a strong, unbreakable bond. So many times our friendshiphad been put to a test, but no problem matters  when you realise how much you care forsomeone.  

Ella was coming to the competitions in Sapporo, we had itplanned for a few months now, so both of us were extremely excited. Thecompetitions in Russia had just finished for us and until the whole team wouldhead to Japan, it was still quite a few days.

One night, I decided to finally free up the storage on myphone as the constant notifications about it being full, were driving meabsolutely insane. I went straight to my gallery and I deleted a fewscreenshots which I was sure would not longer be needed, but somehow I gotblown into a folder where I kept pictures of all Ella’s and my adventures fromquite a few years back. The smile on my face was present the whole time to thepoint where my cheeks began to hurt and my eyes started tearing up.

My soulmate was thousands of miles away and I couldn’texplain in words how much I missed the sound of her voice live, or how much Iached for her cuddles whenever I felt down. She always knew what I needed andshe tried to give her all to me even from the other side of the world, but asselfish as it sounds, it just wasn’t enough for me. So that’s when I got acrazy idea. I wanted to see her and I wasn’t willing to wait for it any longer.

I clapped my hands, smiling at my laptop screen which confirmedmy flight for tomorrow morning. I would be landing in Tokyo in the evening and Iplanned on making my way straight to the apartment she was staying in. I wasthankful that I sent her some things through the post before, so I knew herexact address. Now, I was only hoping she would be happy to see me earlier thanplanned.

I headed to my coach’s room to inform him about my earlydeparture, when I explained why, Schuster was surprisingly understanding and hetrusted me enough to continue training on my own and then join in with the teamonce they arrive.

After saying a quick goodbye to my teammates, I returned tomy room. There was nothing left for me to do besides packing and booking myselfa hotel in Tokyo, just in case Ella didn’t want me staying with her, which Ihighly doubted, but I’d rather be safe.

That night I fell asleep with a huge smile on my face.Although, it was very difficult for me to fall asleep because of how excited Iwas. I felt like a little kid. I just couldn’t get her off of my mind, nomatter how hard I tried.

The next morning I checked my phone after waking up, justlike I usually do. Seeing the daily ‘good morning Milka’ text on my phonescreen, I smiled. It never failed to put a smile on my face. I typed out aresponse, before setting my phone down and hopping out of bed. I wasn’t amorning person, but today wasn’t just a normal day, so it wasn’t as much of aneffort.

Before I knew it, I was on the plane to Tokyo. Therealisation seemed to hit me all of a sudden and I exhaled a happy sigh. Just afew more hours and I would finally get to see her beautiful smile and hold oneof the most important girls in my life. My head wandered over to thinking abouthow the dark haired girl would react to seeing me. A huge part of me was sureshe would be just as happy as I am, but a small part of me didn’t want to bedisappointed if she wasn’t.

I tilted my head from side to side, trying to crack my achingneck. Let’s just say I didn’t fall asleep in the best position, but that nolonger mattered when my taxi pulled up outside of the building Ella lived in.

I thanked the taxi driver after paying him and I got out ofthe car. I looked up at the tall building, while dragging my suitcase behindme. A million sentences were running through my head that I wanted to say toher as soon as I see her. I glanced around as I stepped into the reception,this place looked much fancier than she explained.

I smiled at the woman behind the reception counter and I justcontinued walking to the lift. I fixed my hair in the mirror, noticing howhappy I already looked just from thinking about Ella. The door opened and Ileft the lift, searching for the right door number.

I stopped walking right in front of Ella’s door. I stared atit for a few seconds before I dared myself to knock. Nothing. My heart sank alittle, why didn’t I think about this. She didn’t have to be at home, I couldbe here waiting for hours. I am such an idiot. I quietly groaned to myselfbefore knocking again.

“Oh crap… One second!” I heard the beautiful voice call outfrom inside the apartment and my heart started beating much faster. Open thegoddamn door Elle, I thought to myself, growing really impatient.

I heard the key turn from the inside and the door was quicklypulled open by my best friend with a towel on her head. She only stuck out herhead, but her jaw fell and her eyes almost popped out when she saw me. All thewords I wanted to say suddenly left my head and I was no longer capable ofspeaking.

The girl rushed over to me, squeals leaving her mouth. Herarms wrapped around my neck so tightly, I was sure she almost pulled a musclein my back. I wasn’t complaining. My arms swiftly wrapped around her waist andI picked her up, holding her as close as possible.

“You can’t just turn up to my door like this Andi!” Ellachocked out, which immediately made me pull back to look at her face. Worryrushed over me as I noticed the tears running down her face. “You don’t knowhow much I missed you. I can’t believe you’re here..” She whispered, snifflingquietly with a huge smile on her face. She pulled me back into a hug and Iclosed my eyes.

I missed this content feeling. “I missed you so much angel,”I whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as I carried her throughthe door. I let her down gently and I went back for my suitcase, closing thedoor behind me. Ella was still staring at me in awe, as if she was worried itwas just her imagination and I would disappear in a second.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, strolling up to me andhugging me once again. It only just came to my attention that she was onlywearing a bathrobe.  

“Interrupting your shower, apparently.” I chuckled, glancingdown at her, she laughed and playfully pinched my side. Her laugh was music tomy ears. “I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to come here to see you,” Iadmitted after a moment.

“I’m sorry, give me five minutes and we’ll talk,” Ellasmiled, still wiping at her eyes. The girl disappeared into her room and Idecided to take a look around her apartment. I instantly spotted a frame withmultiple pictures inside it, hung up on the wall above the fireplace. A cheesysmile crawled onto my face as I saw most of the pictures were ours, right fromwhen we were little, to just last year. I saw this girl growing into such abeautiful and smart woman.

I flinched at the feeling of something touching my back andshoulder, but I quickly realised it was just Ella, trying to cuddle me frombehind. A small laugh escaped my lips and I let her cuddle into my body.

“I hope I didn’t ruin any plans you had?” I sighed quietly,biting down onto my lip.

The girl looked up at me with an amused expression on herface. “You know fully well that I would cancel any plans for you… That’s if Ihad any in the first place.” She surprised me with her words, positively ofcourse.

Ella pulled away from me and she started messing with herhair, I watched her with a smile, but a part of me felt like her sudden changein behaviour had a reason behind it. I was correct.

“Andi.. Can we go for a walk?” She asked in a soft tone, hereyes pleading me to agree.

I instantly nodded my head. I’d love to see more of Tokyo andI hoped I’d get to find out what was bugging my best friend. “Of course, butare you feeling okay?” I questioned worriedly.

I received a single nod and she smiled. “I think so. We willsee.” She laughed while grabbing her purse. She took my hand and I followed herto the door without any further questions.

The majority of the walk consisted of us talking abouteverything that had happened in the past few months that she had been away for,although, we already knew everything since we talked almost everyday over thephone.

It was already dark, but in my opinion that only made thecity look even more beautiful. We eventually came to a stop at bench when thedark haired girl mentioned that she wanted to sit down for a moment. We sat incomplete silence, which was never an issue as we where both comfortable withit, but Ella kept opening her mouth and closing it like she wanted to saysomething. She nervously rubbed the palms of her hands together and I shook myhead.

“Just say what’s on your mind El.. I may not have seen youfor a while, but I can still tell when you need to get something off of yourchest,” I sighed, looking into her eyes. I could see how difficult it was forher, she looked up at the sky before squeezing her eyes shut.

“So, I was going to tell you this in Sapporo, but you’re herenow and I can’t pretend that things are the same…” She mumbled and I began to grownervous myself. “I’m sorry Andreas, but I’m in love with you,” her voice wasshaky yet somewhat stern.

My mouth fell open and stared at her, completely stunned byher words. “You what?” I eventually muttered.

She was clearly frustrated as she ran her hand roughlythrough her hair before raising to her feet at a rather quick pace, whichalmost made me jump. “Look, I was thinking a lot and I realised that how much Imissed you wasn’t normal. I miss you more than anyone, I think about you morethan anyone, I can’t live without you-,” her words were sweet, but her tonemade it seem like she was yelling the worst abuse at me so I did the firstthing that came to my mind and I would be lying if I said I have never thoughtabout doing this before. I raised to my feet, gently cupped her face into mylarge hands and I kissed her as hard as I could.

[kettlewrites]

teacher!woozi

he looks so hot in that gif i cry plus this is the first time i’ve ever done something like this please don’t hate me i can’t write fduvobfiu pls

okay let’s begin

so Jihoon is the talk of the town- well school- as everyone is getting into the new school year

“did u hear about the new choir teacher ???? i heard that his old students called him the spawn of satan”

“spawn of satan??? i think that’s a bit much.”

oM G it’ S hI m R u N

okay okay i’ll stop

he’s the new choir, music theory and piano teacher. the dudeo is a little music prodigy.

he transferred from a school across town bc he was tired of being in the same place for so long, plus his friends worked here too!!

literature teacher wonu, orchestra teacher joshua, and intro to dance teacher soonyoung recommended Jihoon to the principal and with his track record he was s E T

so, first day of school when the students piled into his, not decorated at all, choir room they were sh 0o k.

“is he the TA?” “why he is so smol???” “are you sure that’s a teacher??” “jENNI F E R shU T uP thAT i S toTal LY a StudEn T” “we’re in women’s choir right now kim.”

he greets the class, somewhat coldly “i’m your new teacher. okay let’s get started with warm ups”

everyone does not take him seriously, bc literally it’s a bunch of immature high schoolers who would take someone so smol and adorable very seriously then one day------ mr. lee (jihoon) had eNOU GH

“Mr. Lee where are our chairs?” “ *smiles* until you guys give me the respect, i have taken your chairs away. now warms up-” yes. he does this to every class, even his piano students and they are c r y i n g

after a good week, they respect him. they fear him, he made a student cry (accidentally) by making the entire choir stop singing to talk about how being off tune will bring down the entire score at competition (he wasn’t even singling the person out)

“okay, competition is in 3 weeks today guys. i know it’s difficult but we’ve gone over this part so many times now, so whoever is off tune please realize your mistakes and fix that so we don’t get points taken off for something so simple fixed.” *kim runs out of the room crying* “jennifer please go take care of that”

somehow from then to the end of the school year no one ever sings a cent off tune ever again

so! how do you get into this mess ? M U S IC AL SE A SON B E GINS

you, the also new and surprisingly loved advanced acting teacher, is casting the school year’s musical alongside V E RY loved dance teacher mr. kwon

auditions didn’t go as well as you were planning, the acting was amazing as you expected from your students so was the dancing... but the vocal talent was l a ck ing. so who do you go to ? obviously!! you don’t go anywhere because you were terrified of going to talk to jihoon who you had a crush on since the first day of teacher camp over the summer wait what hu H

soonyoung was like “we need to do something about this y/n, why don’t we ask jihoon? we could talk to him, i’ve been friends since high school”

your heart does a leap in your chest, we talk? ! ? but you wanted to win the high school musical competition (you’ve done it multiple years in a row at your old school, you were determined to do it here as well)

so push comes to shove, you were in the bare choir room that was empty aside from the classical music playing through a speaker somewhere in the room

you took a deep breath in and knocked on the door frame, since the door was open but he had his back turned towards you. once he heard your knock the (tenth) third time, he spun around in his spinny chair and almost fell out bc did an angel just walk into the room omg

“yes?”

“you’re jihoon right? uh soonyoung sent me bc we need help with the musical”

“tell soonyoung to go fu- you said we?”

“yeah, i’m directing and he’s choreographing and w e need help with the vocals, our actors aren’t up to par of where we need them.”

usually jihoon would tell the person to go away, bc he isn’t some charity to give help to whoever asks, but for some reason he !! just !! couldn’t !! say !! no !! to !! you !! (curse you soonyoung for sending a literal angel his way) so as he was trying to say he had no time to- somehow a yeah sure when do you want me to train them came out of his mouth.

and that’s how a friendship between you two blossomed ( even tho you two strictly told your friends and students who were super nosy that it was just a friendship everyone is like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) “sure miss. y/l/n. sure it is”

and it was !!! for the most part bc you two could not come to terms with each of your own feelings

then when tech week came you were S T R E S S E D bc

 1. 3/4 of your techies were very very very new to all of this and currently is being taught by one of the old techies who considered quitting during this week 

2. one of your leads has the flu and spread it to his co-actress (so it’s flu central)

3. THE ENSEMBLE DID NOT KNOW ANY OF THEIR LINES AND WHY DO THEY LOOK SO DEAD ON STAGE PLS LIVEN UP CHILDREN IM CRYIN g

so you cancel rehearsal on your end (soonyoung actually asks for everyone to stay to have a chat with them) and run to jihoon’s office with tears running down your face

he sadly was out of the room to make some copies of the music, but when he returned he was !!!!!!!!!

“y/n omg what happened? are you okay???”

“i want to quit my job.” you cried due to stress. you loved your job, you didnt want to quit it was just so many things were happening at once and you wanted to crawl into a hole and cry

“n O !” “i mean.. you shouldn’t, i know this week is the hardest week for directors. mingyu tells me about it all the time with his kids over at *insert another high school* you’re strong y/n!!! you can do this!!!” he even did aegyo for you and it did help cheer you up

and you did get through this with multiple hugs from jihoon and soonyoung talking to the kids and telling them to have fun, bc they obviously were just doing this at this point as a routine

and it worked. it totally worked and the show was a H I T. it was such a hit the show had a nomination in every category from best overall to best ensemble to best small prop in the corner during act 2 scene 5.

and when you saw the nomination list, you ran down the hall from the auditorium to jihoon’s classroom (who he was currently scolding women’s choir for being distracted) (they were totally talkign about how he looks at you while you two were speaking in the hallway)

*BOOM* you slam the door open and he instantly lightens up and smiles (spawn of satan jihoon exits the room) !!!

“ W e  GOT A NOMINATION IN EVERY CATEGORY THANKS TO YOU JIHOONNNNIEEEEEE” 

“did miss. y/l/n call mr. lee ‘jihoonie’ ?”

he’s ecstatic to see you so happy which causes very ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) faces throughout the choir

the night of the award ceremony comes, there are over 500 people in that orpheum theatre all hoping that they win some award of some sort.

you were just sitting with jihoon and soonyoung trying to stay calm, you even already pick your representatives within the cast to go get the awards to save looking like a fool trying to find a rep last minute.

then it came to the moment everyone was waiting for, your show had won most of the awards of the night already but there was one category you wanted the most to set the night, best small prop in the corner during act 2 scene 5 overall musical.

you were so nervous, but soonyoung gave you that look that L O O K that you both knew what it meant (we won)

and the look was right, you did. “from Serenity Rose High School, *insert a good musical bc im too tired to name one* wins best overall for this years High School Musical Awards!”

you were jumping, you were screaming and crying and suddenly your lips were connected with jihoon’s

it was such a good kiss, it probably could’ve won best kiss tbh

jihoon is in shock, soonyoung was in shock, your entire cast was in shock they almost forgot to send little jenny to go get the award, and then after a minute you were in s h o c k.

you were kissing jihoon, you were kissing jihoon Y O U w E R e Ki S i N G Ji hOo N. you pull away so quickly, but your hands were still cupping his face.

“i.. uh.” you were beet red, your cheeks were getting hot and you couldn’t remove your hands from his face they were like stuck.

he was also blushing, and trying his best not to smile super widely.

“ihavelikedyousinceteachercampinjulyireallyhopethiswasntawkwardeventhoughiknowitwasimsosorryforkissingyououtofthebluebutomgdidiactuallyjustkissyou”

“what?”

“jihoon, you adorable spawn of satan, i have liked you since the beginning of the school year like a little school girl and i just kissed you because yes, i like you. god im such a hIg H scHOo L ER!”

“y/n y/n y/n, i very much like you too”

“t h a n k g O D”

dating jihoon would be sweet and cute and adored by the entire fine arts department (teachers and students included)

you would always be in his classroom during your off periods, just chilling while you watch him teach his class. everyone would be screaming o TP in their heads whenever a subtle cute interaction between you two would happen

“y/n we shouldn’t do this in front of the students.”

“they’re at lunch what could possibly happen if you kicked all of them out, just kiss me already!!!”

right when you two were just centimeters apart, “mr. lee i needed to ask you if- ..oh.. o  H” “KIM SERIOUSLY I TOLD ALL OF YOU TO GO TO LUNCH”

dates would include late night adventures to downtown or somewhere far, far away from the school. you would even go to see a show at the theatre bc after dating you, he got very interested into the performing arts. 

even though jihoon wouldn’t be very into pda, he’d do it when it was only you two alone (very alone no students, no teachers, no one just you and him)

he’d always be there when you are stressed and he’d provide hugs and soft singing to calm you down, and you would always be there for him bc he sometimes needs to be reminded of the time so he can leave the school at a reasonable time like JIHOON OMG IT’S 9PM WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!!?

“i just wanted to pick out new music for next semester”

“J i HOo N!” 

but yes, that is teacher!woozi / teacher!jihoon 

i’m terrible at this omg this was so long why is it so long thx for reading all of this if you did. i wrote this at like 2am don’t hate me if this was badly spelt or grammar is terrible too. i hope u liked it, this is what i believe teacher jihoon would be (somewhat inspired by my satan-like choir teacher) but yes, i might do more of these aus someday, if you have any ideas pls hit me up in my inbox! :D

oki bye

[bucky-smiles]

Just Let Me Explain

Throwback to season 6 when JJ had to declare that Emily was dead except in my version, it’s going to be the reader declaring Emily dead. I know that I am in no way original with this concept so I’m going to make it original and say that the reader and Spencer are already in a relationship when this happens. This entire thing is going to range from the moment of declaration to the case in Oklahoma when Reid is being the passive aggressive bean that he is. 

I didn’t realize how long this was, sorry. It legit took my two hours and once I started typing, I just lost all track of time. Also don’t get mad at me for this thing bc it’s highkey just ajdfrenfhncghalf if you get what I mean. It’s two in the morning soooooo. I think Hotch is slightly OOC in this but he’s barely mentioned so it cancels out :3

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: Emily’s death, angst, mentions of drug use, mentions of blood

I hope y’all enjoy my second one shot :)

(I couldn’t find that gif of him doing the whole ‘watchu gon do about it’ gesture to JJ so enjoy this cute thing. GIF CREDS TO THE OWNER :))

You knew this was wrong. 

Right away when Hotch came to you with the orders, you knew that this wasn’t going to end well. But when you and Spencer had first got together 8 months ago, you both swore that your relationship wouldn’t get in the way of work and Hotch was using that to make sure you did exactly as you were ordered. So of course, being the perfect agent that you are, you put on your sad look and let your eyes well up with tears as you entered the waiting room where your team, including your boyfriend, sat. They all rose at the sight of you and Spencer immediately knew that something was wrong, “Y/N?” His voice was quiet as he waited for you to deliver the news. 

You cleared your throat a little as you glanced at him and then at the rest of the team, “She never made it off the table.” You couldn’t give yourself away and you knew that. So you never kept your eyes in one place for too long, you observed and felt guilt at seeing how everyone believed you. It broke your heart to see the tears and reaction of your team- your family. But a job was a job and you knew that. 

When Spencer made a move for the door, you instinctively grabbed him arm with a gentle touch, “Spence...” You couldn’t say more.. You knew that your voice would betray you if you did. Your heart nearly shattered upon hearing his next words.

“I never got a chance to say goodbye.”

You let out a quiet breath and pulled the man you love close to you. It was a way to comfort him over the ‘loss’ of a friend and a way to assuage your growing guilt. You didn’t sign up to see your boyfriend break down... That wasn’t part of the job description. 

When the two of you arrived to the apartment you both share, you had an arm around his waist as a sign of support and when you let go to close the apartment door behind you, Spencer left your grasp and moved to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. A small sigh escaped your lips as you followed behind him. Seeing him like this was pure torture and as of now, you’d do anything to make him feel better. 

A Few Weeks Later: 

“I just.. If we’d been quicker to find her, she’d probably still be alive right now.” 

You angle your head so that you’re looking at Spencer. It’d been a few weeks since the lie had been told and the guilt had yet to go away. Spencer still had so much regret in his heart and was coming up with all of these situations in which she would’ve survived. They usually always came up when the two of you were in bed. Tonight was no different and seeing him like this made you want to tell him everything, but you made Hotch a promise and telling him could compromise Emily’s situation. You lean onto your side, propping yourself up on one elbow while using your free hand to cup his cheek, “Don’t do that to yourself, Spencer.. What happened happened and no what if situation can bring her back.. No matter how much we want it.” You remained as quiet as you could, your voice not going above a quiet tone. You tried being comforting but all you could hear was your guilt and that gave you a feeling that had you sick to your stomach. 

“I miss her so much, Y/N. Every time we go into the office and pass by her portrait I-” He cuts himself off, his voice breaking at the end as he begins crying once more. 

You lay down again, bringing him to your chest as you hug him tightly. You were crying too because seeing him like his tore you apart piece by piece. “I miss her too, Spence.” You tried comforting him the best you could, whispering quiet nothings into his ear, rubbing his back gently, letting him soak your nightshirt with his tears. Eventually, he fell asleep but you were there wide awake, wondering what you’d gotten yourself into and how this was going to change everything once the truth came out. 

Everyday when the two of you entered the  BAU building, you’d both stop in front of her portrait and have a quiet moment. You could feel the judgement coming from Emily’s eyes as you watched her unmoving face. Time would pass and you’d take Spencer’s hand, leading him to the Bullpen before pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek and going to your own desk. You’d offer small smiles to your team members and when case debriefing would happen, you’d be sure to sit by Spencer and hold his hand under the table. The guilt had slowly began going away. The special trick was repeating a phrase like a mantra until you believed it, Emily is dead and whatever you’re doing is for the sake of the team. They’ll understand if the truth ever comes out. Oh, if only you were right. 

The Reveal:

You were walking down the hallway when Hotch approached you. His beard was still a look you were getting used to and you offered a small smile to him as he approached you. 10 weeks and your guilt had transformed into a dull throb that you’d gotten used to over time. The circumstances had made the pain more stabbing but nonetheless, you were toughing through it one step at a time. Your small smile dropped, of course, when Hotch told you it was time. 

Time for the reveal. Time for the team to find out they’d been lied to.  Time for them to find out that you lied to them. 

When you stood by Hotch’s side with your hand clasped behind your back, you kept your eyes trained straight ahead. Never once did you look at any single member of your team. You could feel Spencer’s eyes on you when Hotch was talking and you could practically hear the hurt and betrayal come out of him when the truth was revealed. But of course, that guilt was forgotten when Emily was seen standing at the doorway.

When the hugs and reunion were done, you grabbed Spencer’s hand, holding him in his spot before whispering, “Let me explain, Spence..” He pulled away at your words, going to the seat in between of JJ and Derek. You gulped a little, swallowing your tears as you sat at the opposite side of the table, glancing at him on occasion with the hope that he’d look at you.

It didn’t work. 

The two of you worked the rest of the case involving Declan and Doyle like you did any other, but it wasn’t the same because Spencer only interacted with you when absolutely necessary. 

It hurt.  It hurt a lot. But you pushed through it for the sake of the child whose life was in danger. 

Sadly, like when all cases end, the two of you went home. Spencer had left the building only moments before you, but by the time you reached the parking garage, he’d driven right past you without even glancing at you. Thankfully, you were able to get a ride with Emily who dropped you off home. When you entered the apartment, the lights were out and you slowly made your way to your’s and Spencer’s bedroom. He wasn’t there. Quickly, you pulled out your phone and texted JJ to ask if she had any knowledge of his whereabouts. 

Y/N: Is he with you?

JJ: Yeah, he’s here. He brought his go-bag and it’s packed for quite a bit of time. 

The text caused tears to well up in your eyes and you quickly typed out a response,

Y/N: Take care of him, please.. 

JJ: I’ve got him, don’t worry. 

You accepted what you had and proceeded to prepare for bed. It was hard to get to sleep, but cuddling with one of Spencer’s pillows gave you the comfort you needed and helped you get a couple of hours. 

The Oklahoma Case:

Working with Spencer the past couple of days has been hell. 

You take the bus to work and you always try to initiate some sort of conversation with him. But he ignores you and simply brushes past you to get to his desk. When Garcia was doing the briefing of the latest case, you took the seat by him and he simply moved from his current seat to a different, open one. You let your head hang in shame for a few minutes, calming down before looking up at Garcia expectantly. 

On the jet, you sat by Emily who was obviously trying to make you feel better. She felt some guilt to because the problems that were occurring were partially because of her. You made her promise not to blame herself and when Hotch paired you and Spencer to go to the abduction site, you wanted to melt into your seat. 

The tension between you two was so thick at the abduction site that it could’ve been cut through with a knife. Any suggestion you had was immediately met by a passive aggressive comment from Spencer. 

Spencer started off as the two of you approached the bus stop, “So, Beth got off the bus here and headed northwest toward class.” He let his hands do part of the talking as he pointed towards the bus stop and then towards northwest. 

Attempting to be useful, you pitched in, “It’s amazing that no one saw her abduction.”

Reid simply shrugged and spoke with a high level of bitterness in his tone, “Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything is possible, right?” You stiffened slightly, “Spencer you’ve got to let me ex-”

He cut you off as you tried defending yourself, “You know, maybe our UnSub's a little bit like Bundy and he feigned an injury in order to get her to help him.”

You began speaking again but before one syllable had escaped you lips, Spencer cut you off again, “Maybe he tried another tactic. and was like, ‘Wow, you're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take your photo.’”

You didn’t say anything after that. You simply let him talk out his ideas while watching him with a look of both attentiveness and guilt. 

At the station, you finally sucked it up and tried explaining yourself in the office, “Spencer I had to do my job.” You could hear your voice breaking as you began and Spencer was quick to shoot you down.

“Yeah and you did a great job at that. Was it easy? Hm, Y/N? Was it easy for you to lie to me every second that we were together? I cried into your chest for 10 weeks! 10 weeks and you gave me all of that comfort.. Was that a lie too?”

Your eyes widen at that accusation and you’re quick to shake your head, “What?! Of course not, Spence! I love you and every moment I was lying to you was nothing but torture to me! Most of my tears were over what this was doing to you, not that Emily had left us!” 

You’d grabbed his arms while you spoke, desperate for him to understand you.. But he was quick to pull away, “How can I know that that wasn’t a lie, hm? It’s all you’ve done for the past 10 weeks. What if I started taking dilaudid again, hm?”

At the mention of the drug that’d nearly ruined Spencer’s life, you stiffened before proceeding to speak with a hesitant tone, “But you didn’t... Right?”

He scoffed a little, shaking his head as he backed out of the room, “No.. But I thought about it.” He walked out before you could apologize and you felt the waterworks coming through. 

After the Case:

Thankfully, you didn’t cry when Spencer had left the room. You simply put on a strong face and worked the case like you did any other. You could hear Hotch trying to stand up for you to fix whatever’d happened, but you knew it wasn’t going to work. You thought the same thing when Emily approached Spencer on the plane. Spencer’s back was to you and you were sitting on the opposite end of the plane so you couldn’t figure out what he was saying. Eventually, you gave up at figuring anything out and turned back to your lengthy book, letting your eyes move over each word one by one... You weren’t comprehending anything but the fact that you were doing something helped calm you down. 

At Rossi’s house, you didn’t expect him to show up. You were only there for the wine, if you were being completely honest. Truthfully, you’d given up hope that Spencer would forgive you. The thought of him being mad at you made your heart throb so you simply focused all of your energy on watching Rossi as he cooked. When the doorbell rung, you felt your heart drop into your chest. Emily greeted Reid as did the rest of the team but you kept your back to him. Rossi was about to continue when Spencer interrupted once again, “Actually, before you resume, I was wondering if I could talk to Y/N? Alone?” 

You felt eyes on you and you simply set down your wine glass. He was going to break up with you officially, you knew it. You offered Prentiss a weak smile as you turned to Spencer, “Lead the way, Spencer..” You followed behind him as he took you a couple of hallways down. You braced yourself for what was to come next, keeping your gaze on your feet. To say that you were shocked when Spencer lifted your face by the chin would be an understatement. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.. I was mad and I didn’t mean half of the things that I was saying,” Spencer’s voice is filled with regret as he speaks, his eyes searching yours for any form of negative reaction. Your reaction was simply priceless as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down for a tight hug. 

“I deserved, it Spencer. I should be the one apologizing to you..” He simply returned your hug tightly, pressing a few gentle kisses to the top of your head as he did. 

“I love you, Y/N Y/L/N” Was all he mumbled quietly to you and you smiled brightly, whispering the same thing back. 

Of course it was Rossi that had to kill your moment, “Are you two lovebirds done there or do we have to continue this without you?”